All Episodes
Previous Next
March 15, 2018 - Minion Death Cult
01:20:18
22 - Sex Accusations

Subscribe to Patreon.com/miniondeathcult to get every weekly premium episode This week's all about Stormy Daniels, because we ran out of time to talk about Rex Tillerson, because boy is this content SEXY. We cover several interesting responses to the alleged affair, ranging from "I don't care if Trump did much grosser, oddly specific acts" to "It's gay to talk about sex." Also: deplorable infighting among confused people who are on exactly the same page.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Trippie Redd or Tupac?
Pick one.
I don't know what Trippie Redd's.
Okay, how about this?
Lil Pump Or Tupac.
I don't really know Lil Pump either.
I don't know Lil Pump, but I'm assuming he's better than Tupac.
Okay, how about this?
XXXTentacion.
Oh, that one.
For sure.
Or Tupac.
That one.
The first one.
Right.
I know.
Just wanted you to know, too.
Or make sure, you know, have you acknowledge it.
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone ray.
Hi, I'm Alexander Edward.
gone awry is going to fascist for you today so stay tuned we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up it's not beautiful when you go across that border but stay tuned guys we'll show you exactly what uh we'll show you exactly what it looks like when uh stay tuned hi hi i'm alexander edward oh hey there alex
Hey Tony, I'm Matt Alright I'm Tony Possible.
You're the Tony that he was talking to.
The Tony he was talking to.
That was really weird.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Goddamn Stormy Daniels is responsible.
We're documenting it.
So, we got a fucking jam-packed episode for you folks today.
Despite that, I gotta get some house cleaning done at the top.
I didn't mention this to you guys at all.
I look on it sometimes so I see it.
I just decided to do it.
This is your new release day, folks.
Thursday.
I never actually announced that in the podcast.
I announced it in the Minion Death Cult Facebook group, which you should be a member of.
But yeah, Thursday's our new day because we record Wednesdays.
That's the best day for us.
And we are now releasing episodes the day after we record them.
So that they're more topical, they're more relevant to your fast-paced, late capitalistic lives.
Yeah.
And there's also no editing involved anymore, which is great for me.
Hopefully it works out for the listener.
It's much better for me.
Fingers crossed.
Whatever.
So yeah, that's why we're releasing them Thursday now.
So Thursday is the main episode, the free episode.
Monday?
If you want it Monday, you know what you gotta do.
Gotta stop being a freeloader.
Subscribe to Patreon!
MinionDeathCult.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
$3.11 a month gets you four episodes a month.
Bi-weekly, we're doing it.
At least four.
Yeah, if it's your first time on Patreon, there are more than just four episodes for you to listen to a month.
But if you binge them, then the next month there's only going to be four episodes left.
True.
But there will be eight at that point, and then you can listen, there'll be eight to listen to on the podcast.
Right, so I think, Matt, what you're saying is just wait for like 10 months to subscribe, and then you'll get 40 episodes for $3.11.
That's, I mean, that's what I would do.
What I'm saying is every week, every month.
There's more episodes to listen to, so like, the number of episodes is always growing.
That's true, but... That's true.
Relisten to it over and over again.
Right.
Okay, so we got that out of the way.
Second thing on my homework sheet right here.
We got a shout-out listener, Caitlin, for writing into the show.
Caitlin sent in a wonderful email that I still have not replied to.
Because I forgot you wrote in, Caitlin.
It was very meaningful to us at the time, and then I totally forgot about it.
Still really meaningful, though.
I will still reply, because we really appreciate you writing in.
Caitlin had a very helpful suggestion.
Because we talk about just terrible shit on this podcast, including a lot of, you know, rape and assault-adjacent topics, she suggested that we give a shout-out to the R.A.P.E.
and Incest National Network.
Not just give a shout out to them, I mean props to you guys, you know, but also give out that hotline.
It's also, it's also acronym is RIN.
Rain.
RIN.
No, you don't say Ann, dude.
Just RIN.
Oh okay, Rin.
Yeah.
I like Rain because it reminds me of Korean superstar Rain.
Ask Caitlyn, she'll say it's Rin.
So anyway, the important part of this is the hotline to call, which is 1-800-656-HOPE.
Hope is 4673 on the alphanumeric keypad.
So that's just a good resource to have.
on the alphanumeric keypad.
So that's just a good resource to have.
1-800-656-HOPE for the Rape and Incest National Network.
And also, on a lighter note, Caitlin also says, fuck the ranch. - Shh.
The show, not the dressings.
She sent us this like the day after the Oscars episode where I talked about marinating your chicken in ranch.
So I think, Caitlin, I'm gonna try it for you.
Right, she's totally fine with ranch as a marinade.
I bet it would work, because you can marinate chicken in buttermilk, so why wouldn't ranch work, right?
Find out, find out.
No reason it wouldn't.
I'm gonna try it for us.
Okay, so thank you Caitlin for writing in.
Um, so this episode is all about, not all of it, it's halfway about Stormy Daniels.
Stormy.
Of course, the adult actress who allegedly had an affair with Donald Trump and, uh...
Which the whole administration is trying to shut down.
Her allegations.
We're going to be going over various deplorable responses to that.
Including just some infighting among the deplorables about this subject.
It's very fun and very interesting.
What did you have to say, Matt?
Oh, I'll wait till we... Well, I'll just say, like, Stormy...
She's an adult actress.
I know she's an adult, but like, she's in porno movies.
Yeah.
Well, it's ironic because like porn implies adult.
So like the adult part of that, the adult part of the actress, uh, is redundant.
So we should just call them actresses.
I thought she was like an adult actress, like.
Like a grownup that's also an actress?
Like Julia Roberts or, um, Ernest Borgnine.
Or what if an adult actress was like, a really annoying kid who pretended to be an adult in a movie?
That's tight.
Or a TV show.
They were like, specifically acted as an adult, which is really annoying, and I hate, like that, like the daughter on Californication?
No.
Like, fuck that adult actress, you know what I mean?
Fuck that show.
Not really, it's great.
Okay, so anyway, we're going to be talking about that, which is amazing, and we're also going to be talking about Rex Tillerson's recent firing from the State Department, which brings up a whole host of issues.
We're going to be focusing on the most petty of those issues for the time being, not really getting into his abhorrent replacement and that replacement's Equally abhorrent replacement?
Yeah, so let's just start off with Stormy.
So the whole thing about Stormy Daniels is like, it's so funny to me.
I'm just gonna go through basically what happened.
So in 2011, Stormy talks to In Touch Magazine, which is like a, you know, a tabloid.
Yeah.
Sort of like, it's like, Yeah, it's very tabloid-y, celebrity shit.
It's like lesser people.
Yeah, it's the tabloid people for sure.
She talks to InTouch Magazine about how she fucked Donald Trump in like 2006, right?
She gives this whole interview, including stating that she could definitely identify Trump's dick in a lineup.
So she has proof.
I mean it's not so much, you're not basing it on like the shape or girth, it's more like the color.
I bet it's the shape and girth too.
I bet I could pick his dick out of a lineup too.
It's the one that looks most like a carrot.
But those weird carrots that like come in the mini carrot ones, like the... Baby carrot.
The weird like misshapen ones.
So you're saying like his dick isn't really a penis, it's like a bunch of shredded penises that have been molded into a smaller penis?
Wait, is that how they make baby carrots?
Yeah.
What I actually think it is, is it's, um, what it looks more like an outie belly button and... No hole.
And a walnut, like half a walnut.
Okay.
As the testicles.
I was thinking that she would be able to identify it in a lineup because it would be the one that looks most like a tardigrade.
Like it's got like, she would say, she would say, okay, let's get the, uh, here's the lineup.
Okay.
Here's the electron microscope.
And then it's the one with like three, three pairs of legs and like a weird little snout on it.
Yeah.
It's like, it's like tucked in face, like.
It's like a smashed-in face of a tardigrade.
And, like, say what you want about the size or whatever, that thing could definitely survive a good rough handling, you know?
Those things are, like, indestructible.
You can send Donald Trump's penis into space and it'll come back exactly the same way.
Yeah, you can flatten it out, like, all flat as hell.
And it'll just, if you put water on it, it'll turn, like, plump again.
Like plump, as much plump as it can get.
So he waters it every morning after sleeping on it is basically what happens.
So in 2016, right before the election, literally like three days before the election, Michael Cohen, Trump's personal lawyer, who's been his lawyer for decades apparently, He pays Stormy $130,000 to sign this non-disclosure agreement.
Basically hush money, right?
Yeah, just to shut the heck up, Storm.
It's his own money.
Yeah, that's crazy.
It's his own fucking money that I've read from a couple different sources he had to take a mortgage out to afford, which is just fucking great.
What the fuck?
Well, I'm sure that, like, he was reimbursed that money, or he's working on being reimbursed.
Are you sure about that?
That Trump reimbursed somebody he said he would pay?
Oh, you're right.
He probably wouldn't.
What it seems like is that Trump was He didn't really care about it.
He was like, oh, I'm past that.
Whatever.
I'm not worried about that.
Trust me, dude.
There are way worse things in the public domain about me right now.
Exactly.
And he was like, I'm not trying to sell that.
But as a lawyer, he says, nope, this is definitely a liability.
I'm going to try to cover your ass, because that's my job.
I have this weird, like, it's going to pay off for me later, you know?
So to him, it's almost like this weird, fucked up investment, I guess?
Maybe.
It's a bad investment.
It's bad.
I love the idea.
Sometimes, like, you gotta... if you're a school teacher, for instance, like, you gotta buy pencils for the classroom, you know?
Or, uh, sometimes, like, you might bring food for the office and, like, get on your boss's good side.
Everybody takes shit from their bosses, there's unpaid expenses and all that.
This dude took out a mortgage on his house for his boss, which is just like the biggest cuck move possibly.
Like, you put your home in jeopardy over this fucking slob who has way worse things out there about him than this affair.
Could you imagine explaining it to your family?
It's like, why are we taking this mortgage out again?
We aren't even sure if he has a family, to be fair.
I mean, he might not have a family.
He might have a family, yeah.
Oh, that's true.
I mean, he's fine by his own.
But could you imagine anybody trying to explain it to their family?
Why are you doing that again?
Why are you doing this?
Well, you know, my boss.
My boss used to have an affair with this woman who's a famous woman for having sex, so I don't know what the problem is, but we can't have people talking about it, so we're gonna just... Don't worry about it.
This is a mortgage.
Everyone does it.
It's a bad move, dude.
So since then, between that and now, she's gone back and forth.
Like her spokesperson released a statement saying that the affair never happened.
And then she went on Jimmy Kimmel and was like, I didn't say that.
So she's just gone back and forth on this thing since 2011.
I have a theory about this whole thing.
In 2011 when she talked to InTouch, which again is like a tabloid sort of thing, she gave this, you know, this story about her having an affair with Trump and just what a lover he was.
I mean this just squares with everything we already know about Trump, which is that he's desperate for media attention and he's always had like this backdoor access to tabloids and to publications, to the New York Post.
It's what he's used to stoke his own celebrity.
It's something that he's obsessed with.
Yeah.
This is a fake thing.
It's a fake thing when she gave that interview to InTouch talking about what a masterful lover 65-year-old Donald Trump was.
You know what I'm saying?
She's definitely seen his dick.
I could pick his dick out and align it.
That's kind of a weird thing to talk about when you're talking about your torrid love affair.
Yeah, I mean, especially considering, like, I don't even know if any of my past partners can, like, actually pick out my dick.
Like, I don't know.
I don't remember anybody really staring at it.
There was the one who drew a picture of it.
Right.
And that was difficult.
You told us about it.
What about the one who did the shadow box of your penis?
Well, that was different because we used a cast.
So it was a little bit different, but yeah.
Just doing a still life drawing of something... Modeling for that.
Having to stay... You know, it's just... It's a whole to do.
But yeah, I don't think anyone else could pick out... She's like, oh...
That one is his dick because it's still got Big Mac sauce on it from when I rubbed a Big Mac on it.
Yeah, that's hot.
Like that's, like that would be the extent of their, of their sexual affair is just her rubbing McDonald's products on him.
Like I, I don't, like I've said before, I don't picture Trump having sex at all, but anyway.
Okay, now I was going to ask you, can Trump hump?
You think he can actually hump?
I don't know if Trump even has a desire to hump.
I don't, yeah.
I don't picture him being that way.
The way he talks about women is very, like, juvenile and old-fashioned.
Like he didn't, like he, like he's pretending, like he's like, like a 12-year-old pretending he had sex before.
Well, in that Access Hollywood tape, he's like, I don't, just beautiful women.
Oh, I love beautiful women.
I just, I go up.
I grab them.
I go up and I start kissing them.
Yeah.
What a weird thing to say.
Maybe if he's all high on, like, some weird drugs, he probably, like, goes up and he's just like, mmm... I go up and I get a hand massage from him.
So, anyway... But I can picture him humping.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's good.
So, my theory is just that the hush money is to keep her from talking about how he paid her to give the interview with InTouch and tell everyone they fucked.
That's what my theory is about the hush money, because it's already...
Known, supposedly, that they had an affair.
What more is there to divulge?
Oh, the fact that he's this like weirdo dude who's obsessed with his public persona and so he paid a woman to say that she had sex with him.
That's what I think had happened.
We can move on from this.
Oh no, totally.
It makes sense because one of the things people are saying is, oh no, what's going to come out of this is that because one of the things she is suing for now is to have the right to talk about and release materials involving this.
Release materials.
Yeah, people are like, oh my god, we're going to get a Donald Trump dick pic.
Do you guys remember getting news in 2006?
2006?
Like, we're not... Camera phones are not happening that well.
Like, it's not going down that way.
I don't know, that's kind of like the Wild Wild West of dick pics, though.
I mean, dude, Pete Wentz, that was around that era, wasn't it?
It was.
So... Yeah, that's... That's probably when people were taking dick pics the most, because it was the first time they had such easy... Right.
Such easy ability to do it.
And they probably didn't think about the end results.
I'm thinking more about the quality of the picture.
Oh yeah.
Oh it doesn't matter.
Trump's got a micro-penis anyway.
I don't know about that.
But the materials are probably like a bullet point memo, like saying, okay Storm, you gotta say this stuff, you know?
That's what I thought you were getting at.
Oh, my theory?
No, I like your theory a lot, but he was talking about materials.
Someone said something about materials coming out.
Yeah.
Let's move on to the post in the Deplorables group, our first post, which is from a lady named Melinda Swigert.
Who says, all caps, I don't care if anything happened between Stormy and President Trump.
You can tell how serious she is because of all those periods.
She did good with the grammar and punctuation.
And this had lots of responses.
The most common response is, yeah, I don't care.
Slightly less common was, oh, it didn't happen, it's fake news.
And then we got our even more rare responses that I'm about to go through.
Steve Hill says, I don't care if he ate a plate of shit live on TV with Rand Paul's jizz all over his face with a line of coke waiting to be snorted.
As long as he keeps doing a good job.
You guys know last time you did this, right?
We all do this from time to time.
Yeah, but it's usually- You eat a big shit on TV and you get jizz all over your face.
Well, usually it's a death sentence for a politician, but Trump is just so resilient.
I think he would outlast it.
I love this.
He could be fucking a dog with like a child's blood all over him.
As long as he keeps doing a good job.
As long as he keeps nailing it.
I love how your idea of doing a good job does not conflict at all with eating shit on live TV.
Those two things are not necessarily mutually inclusive.
No.
One doesn't cancel out the other.
You can do a good job as president with shit on your face, guys.
Are you allowed to eat shit on TV?
No, you'll blur your mouth out.
I think it will get blurred out.
Blur your mouth out.
But if you're the president, and this is like, you know... You probably can't have jizz on your face on TV either.
If this is a matter of, like, national security, you could probably unedited jizz on, you know, jizz on the face.
Now, is the jizz already on the face when you're eating this shit?
I don't know.
But you could do it, yeah, because it matters.
This is, like, the next State of the Union.
We're gonna see this.
I think it'd be, like, secret government documents we would not be privy to see.
I disagree totally.
I feel like one of Trump's strengths is his ability to communicate directly with his supporters, so he'd get this message of jizz-covered shit-eating out there to his followers no matter what.
He could bypass the major news networks, which although they could say shitholes, would they be showing the shit-eating?
Will they show this shit going in the hole?
He's gonna put them in a real hard place.
That's a really good question.
But he's still doing a great job.
Doing a good job.
Abby Trignano says, I'm a lot more concerned about Hillary leaving Americans to die in Benghazi and the DNC gunning down Seth Rich than I am about some affair rumor.
So, she's more concerned about the cold hard facts of Hillary deliberately allowing Americans to die overseas and the DNC, this has just been, it's a fact now, the DNC killed Seth Rich.
We all know this.
And she's way more concerned with those factual events than just rumors about Stormy Daniels.
Seth Rich's family, by the way, still suing Fox News.
Really?
Yeah.
Good.
Thomas Bergen replies with an image of a crack pipe with the Fox News logo on it, implying, hey, you're smoking that Fox News crack pipe.
Addicted to it, even.
I do like this, but they are missing the demographic, um... I don't know if you smoke methamphetamines out of the same type of pipe you smoke crack out of.
I don't think you do.
No, you use a lightbulb.
You use a lightbulb for that.
Use a lightbulb or, yeah.
You can, you can smoke meth out of that thing.
That's a, okay, okay.
I just wanted to make sure.
Because a lightbulb, think about it.
You... You gotta smoke out of a lightbulb.
If you're gonna smoke out of a lightbulb, you gotta make a, you gotta cut off the screw part.
Mm-hmm.
And then you gotta cut a hole in the top part, and you gotta light from underneath.
Same thing.
True, true.
Is like those, are those new energy-saving light bulbs like the crazy straw equivalent to a meth user?
It's pretty tight.
It's like a real fun way of smoking meth.
A little more zany, a little more fun.
If you figure out where that meth's gonna go in, you know, you gotta cut a good hole in it.
So Thomas Bergen replies with this Fox News crack pipe thing and then Abby replies to Thomas, I don't live in the US.
I do not have access to Fox News.
Try again.
Okay.
Just like I don't have access to BBC or RT or whatever the fuck.
Right.
Well, there's a couple things going on.
It's just real interesting how invested she is in Hillary Clinton despite not living in the U.S.
Second of all, the reason you don't have access to Fox News is because I don't think they can legally broadcast in Europe because there's...
Because they lie so much.
It's like considered like nonsense.
It's not classified properly over there probably.
It'd be classified as like fiction.
I think Fox News can't air in Canada either because they have more strict FCC guidelines about libel and slander.
Which genuinely makes me wonder how she even found out about fucking Benghazi then.
I see motherfuckers today wearing Remember Benghazi shirts.
Reddit, you know, shit like that.
That swath of people that are like, I see motherfuckers today wearing Remember Benghazi shirts.
Is it like a sick color wave though?
No, I wish.
It's a fucking grunt style shirt.
That's cool.
That's good.
At least that's an aesthetic and an approach.
It has like the names of the people and it says like, you know, Hillary.
Dude, grunt style t-shirts are just those like generic bridge nine t-shirts from eight years ago.
Those like middle of the chest prints.
Or like, yeah, there was a cup, but it's just like that seal.
You know, it's like a generic seal.
It's like computer generated.
Like you plug in, set your goals.
Or you plug in, you know, terror.
And it gives you like five options for a seal.
My boy Danny, he probably made all that shit.
Shout out Danny Murrieta.
Yeah, literally all those exact shirts.
Yeah, probably.
Not the Grunt-Style ones, the shitty hardcore ones.
Yeah, Grunt-Style sucks.
Can we just all agree that Grunt-Style sucks?
Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you what I like.
I like the Blue Lives Matter Crossfit shirts with the Blue Lives Matter on the short sleeve, on your sleeve.
It just looks so militaristic and cool.
No, it is a way.
It's a way of like being a troop without actually having to like do any good is what I'm saying.
Dude, I totally used the word a troop in like casual conversation of the day and they were like, wait, what do you mean?
I'm like, you know, a troop, like a soldier.
And it just, it did not.
Well that's good, there's some of them still out there.
Let's move to the next one.
Charlotte O. Payton says, remember the prompt was, I don't care if anything happened between Stormy and President Trump.
Charlotte replies, me neither.
This is 2918, not 2006.
Who cares?
- '29/18, not 2006.
Who cares? - Yeah, guys, it's '29/18 this year. - Came back in time just to prove what a non-story this is.
Hey, even in the year 2918, we're not talking about this shit.
Dude, Charlotte.
That's just like a really funny typo.
Like, you know, I normally don't go in for typos, but 2918 instead of 2018, and this is from six days ago, and she did not correct it, and it has two likes.
Charlotte, where you at?
Gotta go edit.
Well, she is actually in 2918.
She's a historian.
She does, like, American history, and she's actually talks about how... No, this is not a big deal, guys.
We won't talk about this then.
It's just real.
In 2918, you can, like, travel back in time in the internet and, like, talk to people through the internet.
Well, that goes without saying.
We're looking at it.
That's what I'm saying.
What if she was like, she didn't even know she was back in time, and she's like, why are people talking about Stormy Daniels?
It's 2980.
What the heck?
Maybe, that's probably what happened.
Why are people talking about President Stormy Daniels?
He's flipped up too much.
Gary Coddle, Carrie Coddle, excuse me.
That's Coddle, Carrie.
Says, if he really kissed her, big deal, what's the problem?
I can imagine him saying it like this, though.
If you really kissed her, big deal, what's the prob?
Yes, that's what we're concerned about.
I mean, yeah, I think this is a dumb comment, but also I think he's right.
That's definitely what happened.
If anything happened, it was him smooching her.
They kissed it.
It was a real passionate, closed-mouthed smooch.
All fish-lipped and soft.
In the future, there will be an accompanying slideshow with all podcasts, and you'll be able to see this picture that you're going to describe right now.
Yeah, so this is Gary Cottle, whose profile picture is like a sunset on the beach.
Some stock shit.
And you can see why, because Gary Cottle had other profile pictures that maybe didn't work out as well for him.
The way I describe Gary Cottle's appearance If you're familiar with B-movies, he looks like if they, using computers, rebuilt Robert Z'Dar's face with a normal chin.
And like aged him up a little bit?
He's this weird cross between young and old.
Half of his face looks boyish.
He looks like an old man who went through a... What's the other Instagram?
Oh, um... Yeah.
You know.
Snapchat?
Snapchat, thank you.
It's like he went through his Snapchat filter to make himself look younger.
It looks really weird.
His eyebrows are so good.
He has great, thick, luscious... They're actually good.
They have a good shape, a good arch.
But they're all, like, pale white around his eyebrows.
Yeah, you guys have seen this because this is probably the cover photo for the episode.
So if you go on Instagram right now, you'll see the photo we're talking about.
This is definition neckbeard.
He looks like Billy Groats' gruff.
Definition neckbeard like it's the beard starts below and behind the chin yeah and like under the cheek it's just yeah he's got a mustache that he can't quite grow right like he can't that's the contributing to the weird boyish quality like he's got he's got graying hair long graying hair But barely a mustache.
He has like a mouth breather.
Dude, he looks so fucking crazy.
Can we talk about his outfits though?
Oh yeah, go ahead.
Dude, so sick.
He's always wearing these Adidas tracksuits.
Yeah.
In this picture, he's wearing like a royal blue, white stripe, classic Adidas tracksuit.
Another one, he's wearing a red one with white stripes.
But like I said, he looks like a squatting chav guy.
He looks like a squatting Slav, yeah.
Slav, you know?
The picture is only from the shoulders up, but he's probably squatting.
Yeah, and it's definitely a full track suit.
It's not just the jacket.
No, it's pretty tight.
He looks good.
Let's move on to the next post, also in the Deplorables group.
This is from a troll.
It's from a dirty, rotten troll in the Deplorables group.
Who is it?
You, Alex?
No, it's from a dude named Carlos Spencer.
What's up, Carlo?
Who says...
Fact!
The Trump affair with Stormy Daniels lasted longer than any employment of any White House staff member under Trump.
Boom!
Got him!
Hey, he doesn't know.
Zing!
He predicted the future.
This was posted last Thursday.
Yeah, this is posted before Rex Tillerson's firing.
I mean, it's still not true.
Still, yeah.
It's like, you know, it's like an okay joke, I guess.
I think the Stormy Daniels affair can be quantified in hours.
Yeah.
Maybe minutes.
It's just, like, right around the middle ground enough for, like, it's, like... How long does it take to smooch a woman?
Like, only two hours at the most.
Yeah.
Or you gotta make time for all the snacks.
So, uh, obviously this angered a lot of people.
This got a large response.
Michelle Rysak says, You would care about another man's sex life.
Please, hold my penis while I get a beer, you cuck.
What?
A lot going on in this comedy.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Michelle?
So Michelle, who is a woman posing with her son in this profile picture.
It's Michael, I think.
I think you're thinking of someone else.
Why is this the same type thing going on?
Same type of thing going on, okay.
You would care about another man's sex life.
Yo, is it?
Is it gay to talk about men and women having sex?
Yo.
Fellas?
It's gay to see any dude naked.
It's gay to see a guy having sex.
It's gay to even mention a guy having sex.
That's why I don't even watch heterosexual pornography.
That's why I fuck with my eyes closed.
You guys must be gay.
You're talking about it so much right now.
Like, people think, oh, you don't kiss and tell because that's like rude to the partner.
It's no, you don't kiss and tell because it's gay.
It's gay.
Yeah, I know.
Please hold my penis while I get a beer.
Yeah, that's, again, more to talk about here.
Yeah, what's going on here?
Why do you need your penis held while you grab a beer, you weirdo?
I think she's saying that, like, even she, a woman, is more of a man than Carlos.
More manly than you.
Now, I imagine Michelle's a woman, maybe, and, like, Michelle's wearing, like, a pink strap-on dildo, and, like, she's like, hold my penis, which is this pink strap-on dildo, like, while I grab a beer.
On that note, I'm gonna go hold my penis and grab a beer.
I'm gonna pee then, too.
Fine.
Please hold my penis while I get a beer, you cuck.
Like... It's such a weird statement.
Not even the hold my pe- It's like... Shouldn't it be... Hold my beer while I get a penis?
Something like that, yes.
Sorry.
Either hold my beer or go get me a beer, cuck.
Yeah.
It's separate.
You hold my beer- You do the hard work of holding my penis that I normally do while I do the relaxing job of going to get a beer.
So, no, it should be hold my beer while I fuck your wife.
Oh, you're dragging the guy's hand around.
Yeah.
No, it's what Tony said.
Sure.
I like to see- Okay, then what did you say after that?
I like to think of a guy dragging a guy- guy dragging a guy's hand around by his dick while he goes to get a beer.
Again, we're talking about Michelle.
We're talking about two guys.
Who's presenting as a woman, at least on her Facebook.
Penis, though.
Bourbon Hackworth.
Just a great, great name.
Great name.
Diving into a fucking- into a- into a sea of coins, of gold coins.
But he also sounds like a cool millionaire.
A southern.
You know, like an Instagram millionaire or something.
Oh my god, yeah.
Like Dave Berzon or... Oh, David Bayzon.
Books.
David Bayzon.
Books in garage and Ferrari and stuff.
That cool millionaire who can just fucking travel the world playing music.
David Bayzon.
He'll come to your house and do Kockoff models tits in your living room.
And then have a Q&A after.
Park his yacht in your driveway and just pose on it.
Bourbon Hackworth says, LOL so what?
If every person was fired from their job because of an extramarital affair, very few would actually have a job.
Eh, just an interesting way of looking at things.
Sure.
Um, that's not wrong, I guess, but it's very... Oh, I think it's pretty wrong.
Yeah.
Well, okay.
So, if some guy... He's saying that everybody, literally most people, have had an extramarital affair.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, sure.
But no one's getting fired if someone has an affair with someone who's not a coworker.
Like, that's not happening.
That's, like, what I assume out of this here.
True, and just for the record, we probably shouldn't go in, we don't have time to go into it.
Just for the record, I don't give a shit if Donald Trump had an affair.
That's not why I dislike the guy.
I don't give a fuck at all about his weird-ass sex life as long as it's consensual.
Exactly.
And funny.
Gary Coddle, our boy again.
Here he comes.
Says, that's not a fact.
Trump, good man, not a pagan worshipper like the last one.
This guy's definitely an Eastern European Russian Czech.
Yeah, in case we haven't put that forward enough, the grammar puts it a little there, but this guy is a Russian himself for sure.
Yeah, he's not.
He's getting paid a small stipend every day to go on Facebook and just communicate these things.
I don't know, judging by this next comment, it's like idiomatic.
Yeah.
Kerry Cottle again says devil worshippers need not apply which is a very American thing to say if you're familiar with the phrase need not apply yeah how that phrase itself was applied to a certain demographic of people yes he was an American history he was briefed on that he was handed someone someone
Texted him that and was like insert whatever like noun you want right here Negative is whatever you don't like put it in this phrase They're like for for you to appear as an as an authentic bigoted American.
You're gonna have to use this phrase You're talking about the Irish, right?
Cause that's all the commercial.
Yep.
Okay.
Cool.
Just making sure.
I'm talking about the Irish and, uh, that like one peanuts episode where Snoopy wasn't allowed in, in, in the restaurant when it was like, no dogs allowed.
Right.
That's, that's what I'm referring to.
The civil rights issue of not allowing Snoopy into a restaurant.
Cause he's a dog.
Cause he's, and half black.
Yes.
All Snoop.
The Snoop Dogg.
Clay Stewart.
Uh, probably our blue star boy.
Really?
Well, okay, we can withhold judgment.
Let's see.
I think content-wise, yeah, I'm with that.
Clay Steward says, yeah, I see his incredibly racist post.
So now it's time to go back to Carlos Spencer.
So, Carlos Spencer is a black man, posting in this group.
And, reminder, the post was about Trump's alleged affair with Stormy Daniels.
There's no anti-white sentiment in here.
Nothing.
There's no asking for a bone to be thrown to the black community.
There's nothing like that.
So in true MDC canon, he's only referring to the man's race.
Yes.
Which is racist.
He's from the ethnicity racism.
Right.
AKA black.
Oh, you know, it does say White House.
Right.
So maybe that's where he's getting this from.
Hey, maybe.
Yeah, I see his incredibly racist post.
Can you imagine swapping that word out for the...
The N-word?
Like, that's what I do sometimes because the canon of our show.
Which word are you talking about?
The N-word.
Racist.
The black N-word.
The really bad, bad, bad word that I'm being non-ironic here.
Wait, you're replacing the word racist with that word?
Like, because of our canon.
Of the show, so like, because that's what these people are saying.
They're calling black people racists because that's the only thing they can get away with, calling them.
Yeah.
And so, like, it's, like, just sub that out for the n-word, and it works perfectly, too.
Well, that's what he means.
I mean, you're, he would be saving time if he had done that originally, but he has to, like, he has to watch out for the Facebook police.
Not to suck your dick too much, dude, but, like, when you hit that and articulated that on the show, like, it's just, like, you're, it's true.
That's what I do, man.
I blow minds, bro.
And I'm gonna blow your mind later.
I speak up for the black community.
Like, I give them a voice with my voice on this podcast.
Hey, you're a brother too, dude.
You're an Ock.
Come on over.
So, we got a picture here of Clay Stewart.
What I said he looked like was he... Pavarotti.
I forgot the guy's name now.
He said Pavarotti to me.
Oh, Pavarotti.
Okay, sure.
Who's the OxyClean guy?
What's his name?
Oh, Billy Mays!
Yeah, he looks like Billy Mays corpse.
Like a droopy Billy Mays, saggy.
He's been dead for a couple weeks.
Yes, because he's in his funeral suit right here, which is like a weird high-collared dress shirt, like a puritanical dress shirt.
And yeah, he's got the sunken eye sockets of a two-week-long dead Billy Mays.
It's Paul Bearer meets Billy Mays.
Do you know who Paul Bearer is?
Is he a wrestler?
He was the Undertaker's hype man.
Manager.
Manager.
Which is funny because he just sat there looking like this.
Which I'm doing like a weird scared eyes.
You all know what Paul Bearer looks like listening.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people do know.
Wrestling's hype right now.
RIP Paul Bearer.
Named so because he made his fortune in bearer bonds.
And dying.
Carlos Spencer, uh, says, so this is our OP, Carlos Spencer, our racist, Carlos Spencer, the resident racist, says, I don't care who he boned, I'm sure he got his money's worth, gotta go to work, later.
Y'all have a good rest of the day.
And then somebody else responded and deleted their comment.
Oh, he responds to Dan Whipple.
Didn't we have a Whipple before?
Oh, I think we had a Whipple for sure.
We had a Whittle.
Oh, Bill Whittle.
Bill Whittle.
I think we've had Whipple.
No.
Maybe.
We might have had a Dan Whipple.
I think we've seen Whipple, yeah.
Alright, you're gonna have to go back and look.
Anyway, uh, he replies to Dan Whipple, whose comment is deleted, but his reply says, I don't have room for a fryer.
Later.
And there's a picture of, like, his work desk with a computer and shit, so I think there was a, like, yeah, what, you gotta go fry some chicken or something like that?
Yeah, you gotta work fast food.
And then, Clay Stewart, my nominee for Blue Star Boy, replies simply with, KFC!
Yeah, that's definitely gonna get the blue star boy.
Just yelling KFC at a black person is an insult.
This is just such imaginative highbrow stuff.
You have to be dumb and racist.
It's just lazy.
It's just lazy.
And I mean racist like, like bigot.
I mean, look, to be honest, the only people eating, the only black people eating KFC that, you know, have options in their area are in commercials.
I didn't go to, I don't go to KFC.
When I ate fried chicken, I didn't go to KFC.
Well, but if that's the only one around, you probably are going to go to it.
Well, no, it's not the only one around.
You go to Stater Brothers.
Right, I was going to say, Stater's is alright, it's okay, you know.
You go to fucking, you go to Popeye's or Church's?
Popeye's.
Dude, I found this real quick while we're on the subject of chicken.
There's um, Crispy Crunchy.
While we're on this important subject.
Crispy Crunchy Chicken.
Have you ever heard of this before?
No.
It's a fried chicken thing that's only at, it's Cajun fried chicken and it's only at gas stations.
Like from Rubidoux to Whittier.
Uh-huh.
Is it good?
It's awesome.
Huh.
It's like spicy and delicious and that's fried.
It's not like heated up.
Is it both crispy and crunchy?
Yeah, but it's with a K on both, so that's for that.
Is chicken also with a K?
Crispy, crunchy chicken.
K-chicken.
There is a K in there, yeah.
It's after the second C. Alright.
But yeah, it's fucking lazy.
Right?
Yeah, it'd be like yelling hip-hop at a black person for an insult.
Yeah.
KFC!
Slavery!
Or whatever, I don't know.
That would actually hurt my feelings.
But if someone yelled, someone yelled, Rapper!
You'd laugh?
I'd be flattered.
That's tight.
If someone yelled Trevi at you, you'd be like, yeah, I'm him.
David Woolley, our Woolley boy David, says, Impeach Mick Jagger or every man and woman who's ever had an affair.
That's funny.
He's like, honey, you should read this comment I just posted.
Impeach Mick Jagger, get it?
Well yeah, why don't we?
If monogamy is such a big deal, if fidelity is such a big deal, why haven't we impeached Mick Jagger?
I mean, we've tried.
Some of us have tried.
Impeach the Prime Minister of the UK, Mick Jagger.
Get him out of there.
Jeremy France.
It's actually spelled Jeremy.
I've never seen this, ever.
It's a very interesting name and kind of offensive.
It's Jeremy, probably, but, you know.
It's kind of offensive given, like, the comment that follows.
Okay.
Jeremy France says, Prostitution.
The act or practice of engaging in sex acts for hire.
Sexual intercourse had been in existence since the time of Adam and Eve.
Here we go.
I've heard this before.
No, you haven't.
Okay.
It would be hypocritical.
It would be a hypocritical behavior for a real man with so much money to spend to just disregard a beautiful woman yearning for a sexual encounter for just a penny to a dollar cost to a multi-billionaire man.
So, he's not a fucking billionaire.
For just- okay, that's what you take away from this.
Well, that's the top of it.
I work backwards in these comments, I guess.
First of all, he's not a fucking billionaire.
Okay, now you go.
Their point is that sex is just a natural thing.
Yeah, baby.
It's in the Bible.
Prostitution's a natural thing.
It's in the Bible.
There's no sort of judgment on whether it's good or bad in the Bible.
It's just in the Bible.
Have you ever heard of a prostitute?
Therefore, it would be hypocritical for a man with so much money to spend To not spend it on a prostitute!
He meant to say a Christian man.
It would be hypocritical for a Christian man to not spend someone's money on a prostitute.
Right, because as an atheist you don't believe in prostitutes.
No.
They're not real.
Nah, they only come around on Christmas and they come down your chimney.
I'm agnostic.
I don't know whether or not prostitutes exist, but if I saw one, if one came, I would then make an educated judgment about it.
You'd sex it?
Yeah.
Cool.
Sex that prostitute, dude.
I also like how they went as far back as Adam and Eve.
I mean, because I don't know if you remember this, but the way that happened is when Eve gave Adam the apple, it was actually in exchange for sex.
So Adam was the prostitute.
Yeah.
People don't talk about that.
The original sin was paying for a prostitute.
Yeah.
Well, we all know that, you know, women have been the problem the whole time, so.
That's so awesome.
That's so good.
Uh, yeah.
The dudes are the first hookers.
Tim Dias.
Not Diaz, that's important.
It's Tim Dias.
Like a fucking, like a podium?
It's spelled differently.
Tim Dias says, Carlos, give me two more tacos and a beer, boy.
Ugh, all the racists.
Yeah, so either A, he thinks he's Mexican because his name's Carlos, Or, B, he knows he's black and that's why he called him boy.
Take your pick, listener.
Well, he's just racist specifically to the Afro-Latino people.
It's not just Afro-Americans or, you know, our Latinx community.
It is specifically Afro-Latinos that make his blood boil.
Them with their rhythmic dancing, spicy foods.
Specific.
Very specialized.
Engineered in a certain way.
Because they're coming here and taking all the hip hop jobs.
So definitely Puerto Ricans and Brazilians, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I hate that.
Cubans.
Fuck that.
This guy hates Cubans.
Boricua.
He's not a fan.
Which are probably...
The best races in the world.
That's good.
Woke points granted.
Dude, woke, dude.
Reverse it.
Yeah, Carlos, whose last name is Spencer.
Carlos Spencer says, LOL, I'm not even close to being a Mexican, but please carry on.
And Tim's last name is closer to, like, a Mexican last name.
But again, it's not.
It's not DS.
It's DS.
Tim says, Did your imaginary friends say you were?
So now Tim's trying to play stupid here.
Pretend like he didn't insinuate anything racist.
Reading this shit made me cringe.
Everyone likes tacos, don't worry about it.
No reply from Carlos, so Tim says, Remember, did your imaginary friends say you were?
No reply.
He's a funny imaginary friend.
He made you LOL.
No reply.
Carlos likes his friend.
This got so sad.
This got real sad real fast.
Sounds like Tim wants to be fucking friends with Carlos.
It sounds like he's trying to dig himself out of this hole.
And he's just not moving upward.
I was just making a funny joke, man.
Can we just be buddies?
And here you are, Tim.
I really wanted tacos with you.
Now he's on the podcast.
Russ Garvey says...
You don't know how blackmail works, do you?
98% of all sex accusations turn out to be false.
I did remember saying that.
Literally no one has had sex.
It's a big lie.
If my experience is any indication, 98% of the times people say they're going to have sex is a lie.
Yeah, when you're 12 or 13.
When people accuse you of having sex, it's a lie.
You guys just watch.
Will you wait till, uh... I know you guys think I don't get any, but you guys wait till I run for office.
They're gonna be coming out of the woodwork saying that I gave them the old one-two.
Only then will you know.
Then you'll believe me.
Sex accusations.
I love that phrase.
Nobody ever accused me of fucking.
No.
Nuh-uh.
Not once.
But I did.
I humped it.
Now maybe if they were accusing people of making more love.
Or smooching.
Drew Rutberg, so this is a new post.
Drew Rutberg, this is going to take a little bit of explaining.
This is a really interesting phenomenon that happened.
Drew was trying to be a responsible voter.
Drew was trying to...
Game things from a political perspective on behalf of Trump.
Drew is a Trump supporter, a vehement Trump supporter, but he registers that having an affair with a porn star, at least at one point, was not a politically viable thing to have hanging over you, basically.
So, Drew posted a meme, an anti-Trump meme, but posted a caption as well that says, let's address the elephant in the room, shall we?
If the majority of you are like me, you actually couldn't care less what Bill Clinton did behind a closed door with another consenting adult.
Obviously false.
Obviously they all cared very much about that, but this is what they're pretending to not care.
Oh, and it's this game of like hypocrisy.
Oh, well, Bill Clinton did it.
How are liberals going to get angry that Trump did it with Stormy Daniels?
And it's like this never ending loop of hypocrisy.
Each side not really arguing about the point, just trying to argue about the other side being hypocritical and nobody ever gaining traction, which is why this whole hypocrisy argument doesn't work.
Which, it's hypocritical in and of itself.
Exactly, and then I can say you're hypocritical for calling it hypocritical.
And that's, that's what, that's why... And nobody ever says anything or makes a point or really puts forward like an actual concrete policy idea or a value or anything.
The only value is you said a value that you don't actually agree with.
Right.
And it's like well you don't agree with the value that they said they, and so it's... That's why in episodes like you'll hear me go Oh it's just so hypocritical like it's cuz I in that moment when I say that I'm just tripping on it like it's it is just crazy it is fucking just it's well it is the the hypocrisy is crazy but it's not an effective argument against these people and that's part of what makes me crazy because like I said before it's stupid I don't give a fuck that Trump
I don't give a fuck that Trump had an affair as to how it relates to politics.
It still makes him a fucked up person that he cheated on his wife, especially while she was pregnant, because I think that's what was part of the story.
That makes him a fucked up person.
However, Bill Clinton cheating on his wife, also a fucked up person.
The allegations of harassment against Bill Clinton, also fucked up.
It's... I don't even remember where I'm going with this.
The point is that you don't say, oh, Trump voters are hypocritical for caring about Clinton and not caring about Trump, because you don't care about Clinton, supposedly.
Like, you know, if you're not calling out Bill Clinton, then your argument about hypocrisy does not have any weight.
And calling out hypocrisy for hypocrisy's sake is meaningless.
Well, I have a solution.
It's a wash.
You just hate all of them.
And then you're good to go.
Fuck all politicians.
The principle on which you judge them is the fact that you cheated on your wife or you abused your power of authority or you took advantage of a younger woman or whatever.
You don't judge him based on whether or not he's a hypocrite.
No.
So yeah, fuck all these guys.
You still judge them on that, but you don't try to make an effective argument out of it.
Anyway, that's what Drew was trying to say.
Oh, it's different with Bill Clinton because he lied to us.
It was the rare occasion where a Trump supporter was actually kind of saying something somewhat valid, trying to, and then watch him get washed.
Yeah, it's barely a distinction.
Let me explain what Drew was trying to say.
Drew was trying to say, I care about Bill Clinton's affair because Bill Clinton lied to us about it.
It's like, okay, the president lies all the fucking time about everything.
Yeah, they're all shitty.
Well, and it's as part of the job, you're lying, like you're not revealing classified information, like that's just... It's part of the job.
So, anyway, that...
He's saying it was different between Trump and Bill Clinton.
So, Trump should... What are you guys doing?
We're... I'm choking.
You're making noise that I'm gonna have to edit out later?
You don't gotta edit this, dude.
We're high, dude.
Cool, man.
Alright, I won't edit it out.
Everybody will know how high you are.
I want people to know how high I am.
Before, they were totally in the dark.
Now they're all gonna know.
Yeah, who would want to edit that out?
Okay, so let me finish what I'm trying to say about Drew here.
Let me explain it.
I feel ya.
He's trying to say Trump should tell the truth about it so that he doesn't pose the same risk about Bill lying and getting impeached based on a lie.
He's just saying Trump should confess and we can all move past it.
Anyway, nobody fucking read this caption.
All of them read the meme that says, now it's well known that Trump had an extramarital affair with porn star Stormy Daniels.
Where's the outrage from Republicans that called for Bill Clinton's impeachment?
See, and this is the hypocrisy argument that I'm talking about.
Everybody looks at that and says, well, you didn't care about Bill Clinton, so why should we care about Trump?
And nobody actually says anything.
They have this meta-conversation about what you supposedly care about, and how your actions contradict that, and it's boring as fuck.
Bro.
Chill, dude.
Drew's probably just a fucking troll dog.
Coming in with a conflicting meme and a conflicting caption.
I'm sure that's what's going on.
Okay, we'll reserve judgment and we'll see what happens in these comments.
Carmen Garced says, stupid he wasn't president what a moran you are.
Moran.
Drew replies, well, I'm nothing even resembling a moron.
Maybe read the post before name-calling.
Carmen Garcet replies, okay, my bad.
I read the post.
I love that.
Sincere as can be.
This was every single comment was Them not reading the caption at all and just repeating Drew's point about how Trump wasn't in office when the affair was conducted, therefore he does not care.
So I did that Apple F thing where you can search for a term in your browser.
Nice.
Drew used the word point as in that was my point.
Every response, well Trump wasn't president when it happened.
He replied, that was my point, 59 times.
In just the comments that I had loaded up.
Sweet, sweet Drew.
Like, why are you doing this to yourself, dude?
Just delete the post.
Just call it a wash.
That's brutal.
At least don't respond to it, you poor, sweet person.
Well no, Drew fucking sucks.
Drew's a horrible neocon.
Anyway, so that was the gist of it.
One interesting thread from that was Virgil Perez Says, why you, Drew, are so jealous, so hypocritical.
Remember, envy is one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.
It is certainly the most joyless of the seven deadly sins.
Sweating, laughing, crying, laughing, kooky laughing.
Hey now, maybe this, maybe Virgil's talking about lust.
That would be one of the more enjoyable Seven Deadly Sins.
Gluttony.
Which one's your favorite?
Gluttony.
I like to eat all the fucking burgers.
Dude, well that scans.
That's what gluttony is, so I believe you.
You know all about it.
Burgers, beers, and buds, bro.
Give them to me.
What about you, Tony?
What's your favorite?
Lust.
Sloth.
Oh, hell yeah, that's my favorite.
Sloth's one, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, definitely that one, yeah.
Man, that's a good one, too.
I'm a lazy, lazy slob.
But Drew's not.
Drew kept on responding.
Drew says... Fucking weirdo.
Did you even read what I wrote, or did you just look at the picture and act like you already knew something?
Or actually know something?
So this is Drew's clapback.
Vicious clapback.
Ooh, he's snarky.
Comin' in with it.
Johnny Lake says, Virgil didn't get the point of the post either.
Virgil says, your few words, Drew Rutberg, is no match to the picture you posted.
Remember, a picture paints a thousand words.
Damn, Virgil's coming in with all these, like, remember.
What the fuck, dude?
This part is, like, up until this point, they keep on referring to this fucking weak-ass word art as, like, a picture.
It's not a picture.
There's no image here.
No, it's word art, dude.
Okay, so I didn't include the actual one.
It's this wordy-ass meme that I read on the show, but there was a picture of Trump and Stormy above it.
Anyway, he's talking about the meme part of it.
Oh yeah, so in their minds, you're not even allowed to acknowledge that Stormy and Trump have met.
You're not even allowed to acknowledge them at all, right?
You don't even talk about it.
That's one camp.
Yeah.
The other camp is like, yeah, fuck yeah!
Fucking, he boinked her.
He did tour good.
He had to.
So, Drew says, you still don't understand, do you?
No.
Virgil Perez says, again, Drew Rutberg, your few pro-Trump words, because Drew was trying to say, like, no, I'm a Trump guy, like, I like Trump.
And again, Drew, your few pro-Trump words are no match to the thousand words you posted.
The pic buried your pro-Trump message and then he includes just the word part of the meme.
Wow.
Now that it's well known that Donald Trump had an extramarital affair blah blah blah.
So this is and then he says Drew says my few pro-Trump words really because there was a quite a lengthy caption with this post that I didn't read and then Virgil says yes really I counted and they didn't even total a hundred much more a thousand.
So literally a picture, which in this case is a meme with one, two, three, I don't know, maybe 40 words on it.
Maybe.
Is no, is, is worth a thousand words to Drew's like probably hundred word caption because it's in picture form.
What about like multi-picture memes?
Is it a thousand point every picture?
We had this joke that Matt made at the beginning of the show that a picture is worth a thousand words and a meme has even more words on it.
So this picture is worth about a thousand and forty words.
Or no, four thousand.
Or a thousand and four.
No, 1040.
Oh, right.
Yeah, that's math.
So I would imagine that something like the... Come on, let me math it out.
Something like the Yes Drake, No Drake meme with the... That's a lot of points.
They gotta learn how to combo their memes better.
They gotta up their weight.
How many words do you think that meme is worth?
I love that meme.
That's a good one.
I mean, it starts baseline 4,000 words, right?
Yeah, so it's probably 8,000 words for that meme.
You know the Drake... Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What about the meme that's like, uh, what'd you say to me, you little shit?
I'll have you know I served overseas.
And it's like, that meme is like 200 words or 300 words.
And so that's, God, that's a lot of words.
Oh, so like 16,000 words.
What about that one?
It's only addition.
If it's words in the meme, it's not multiple pictures.
It's just one picture with 200 words.
So it's the picture part of it is 1,000 words.
Then the words that are on it are in addition.
Each one of those words isn't a meme itself.
My brain goes to multiplication.
We're going to have to get this vetted.
Multiplication is the Drake meme, because there's multiple pictures in there.
There's four pictures in there.
It's panels.
You know what meme's worth 1,000 words?
I'm a 100% disabled Christian veteran.
Absolutely.
Alright, let's keep moving.
And that's without a picture.
This is a post- So what are we at right now?
We're at an hour, okay. - We're good. - This is just a few things that you found on-- - I really wish we could watch this video.
Reddit, Matt.
Well, explain which video you're talking about.
It's a post on rthedonald.
Someone posted a fucking InfoWars video on there, and the post title says, stormy daniels may shoot pornographic reenactment of trump um and it's uh the screen grab is uh info wars in the upper left hand corner like it is and then you got stormy stormy storming out uh uh you know in that in the next little bit of the of the screen grab and then you've got
uh what looks like a another - Another porno actor or something, not Stormy, and then a Donald Trump actor in a rubber Trump wig.
- It's the porn versions of Stormy Daniel, and even though she is a porn actress, it's the porn version of her. - Right, meta porn.
And then a porn version of him that looks exactly like a porn version of Donald Trump would look like.
It's like meta reality porn.
And so it's an Alex Jones video and it's Alex Jones standing out in the snow.
Like, I don't know, you could play the first minute of it if you want to.
Someone should go because it's worth it.
I would love to actually see Alex Jones play Donald Trump in the porno.
That's a whole other thing.
I think Alex Jones is probably the only one who can capture the masculinity of Donald Trump.
Yeah, I think so.
He's the only one alpha enough.
I think you guys got it wrong.
I think Donald Trump is the one capturing the masculinity of Alex Jones.
Okay.
It's butt.
It's an interesting rewording of exactly what we said.
Well, it's... Hey, man, don't hate just because I'm witty as fuck right now.
I'm on it.
Well, don't stop then.
Anyway, so yeah, it's just a fucking video on here, and the video's like 10 minutes long, and that's why we're not watching it, but...
It's hearsay, like Alex Jones heard from his person that this is gonna happen and it's, I don't know, that's it.
Is this actually Alex Jones talking about it?
I didn't see the link.
Yeah, it's Alex Jones.
He put me a link there so you guys could look it up, but you know, fuck me, right?
But whatever.
Um, so I, I put that on a lot of grievances kept in.
Oh, it's there's full, full grievance.
Um, but, uh, so it's all hearsay.
It's nonsense.
But then there's just some comments in here.
Like people being really funny about, about it.
Like ghost of my former self says, I doubt they could find an actor with balls big enough to play Geotus.
God damn it.
Which is funny because, like, I just picture G.O.D.I.S.
with just, you know, a belly button penis and just giant elephant nuts.
You know, elephant-tied as balls.
Like...
They're self-aware, right?
They're joking, you know?
So it's the Donald, right?
This is part of the crew of folks that memed themselves into liking Donald Trump, you know?
Between these guys and 4chan.
If you missed the Grab'em by the Uzi episode because it's Patreon exclusive, go subscribe because that was an amazing episode.
Basically, we came to the realization that the Donald subreddit is not an actual political subreddit.
It's just a fan club for, you know, Donald Trump.
And I realize, like, you could pejoratively say that about any, you know, Voter for Donald Trump.
Oh, they just love him as a celebrity No, this is like literally a fan club for Donald Trump because when people were trying to analyze Donald Trump's statements about gun control They were getting banned right that whole subreddit imploded because people were just wondering what the fuck Donald Trump was saying Leave some for Patreon, bro.
The geodes thing is taken literally there.
Yeah, it means God Emperor of the United States.
But like, I'm pretty sure that this subreddit existed before he became president, but since that episode came out, I thought about it a little more.
And I mean, this subreddit wouldn't exist the way it does without him becoming president.
Like, it became a whole different level when he started running for president.
Yeah, it definitely started because of presidents.
Well, we validated these people.
This is our first inklings of like the idolization of a president or a leader of our country.
Obama was pretty idolized.
But that was for... why?
Because he was black?
I'm just talking about just the iconography surrounding him.
Oh, you mean like the propaganda, all that shit, like the change and all that kind of shit?
No, I think we're talking about the actual, like, he's giving a... people love him.
I mean, I love him.
Well, he's the first black president.
No, but that's not the only reason why.
I'm not bothering saying why, I'm just saying what happened.
He is idealized, yeah.
But I'm talking about in like a dictator way.
Like, like, like these guys like love... Are you saying Obama was not a dictator?
Are you saying that?
On this podcast, Minion Death Cult?
Well he didn't like, he didn't like ooze... I'm gonna have to edit this again!
He didn't ooze dictator.
He was like a suave, low-key dictator.
We let him slide on something like, people don't talk about all the people he killed.
You know?
We don't talk about that.
I mean, I can't tell if you're being ironic or... Wait, what people are you talking about?
I can't tell if you're talking ironically about his, like, personal hit list, like his gay lover, or his, like, his real dad or whatever, or if you're talking about the people he literally killed overseas.
I'm talking about Jonah Strikes.
We don't talk about Jonah Strikes.
We don't talk about either of them.
We don't talk about Jonah Strikes, we just talk about, like, His portraits, I'm a fan of.
This is six degrees of separation from what we're talking about.
Well, what are you talking about?
Get back to it.
What were you saying?
What I was going to say is- William of- What I was going to say is like, one of the worst things about Donald Trump being president is that we validated the Donald subreddit.
We gave these people the validation that they did not, shouldn't have had.
Right, and then I was saying earlier to you, Alex, and I don't know if I said this to you, but Tony, And this is not being ironic at all, but I love that he's president now.
I love it.
I don't love him, but Alex educated me on another... You're an accelerationist.
Yeah.
He edumacated my brain a little bit on some more political stuff.
He said, I'm this thing, and so like, I'm that thing.
And you also just said it was funny that he's president.
It's funny.
Which I agree with, yeah.
It's objectively funnier than if Hillary Clinton were president.
But you're like a, you're like a, let's let it burn type.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Burn this fucker up.
Well, it's not necessarily let it burn, but like expose the cracks in the system even further.
Yeah, and then also light it on fucking fire with gasoline.
William of Ockham...
Okay, the first post had six upvotes, which, these are not a lot of upvotes for the Donald subreddit, but this is a funny one.
So, William of Ockham says, which, I mean, if you're on the Donald and you're, like, bitching about, like, your eyes, like, nah, dude, you should be stoked that you get the chance to see Donald, or whatever, someone like the Donald.
Yeah, this is a confusing comment.
You'd think that his eyes would like to see the Donald Hump.
Well, I don't know.
You know, the sun is a very powerful thing and a very beautiful thing and a majestic thing, but we're not supposed to stare at it, you know?
Yeah.
You don't want to stare at his red fuckin' ass.
An eclipse, for example.
It's a beautiful thing, but we can't look right at it.
An eclipse would be like the doggy style shot.
Yeah, exactly.
She would be in the foreground.
Exactly, mostly him.
Yeah.
So yeah, you can't stare at it.
He was forced to stare at the glory that would be these people copulating.
But yeah, he needs to get down on some Donald Humpin'.
What's the next one say?
I think we need to do a Donald Hump count.
How many times did I say that in this episode?
The next one says...
From MythArcana with the tag America First next to her name, his name, I don't fucking know.
Makes sense.
Nalen Palin made some people very rich and they don't make porn for fun, honestly.
Okay.
Daniels seems like a greedy opportunist who will leap at the chance to best Lisa Ann.
Okay, first of all, hold on.
Saying they don't make porn for fun, honestly, give me a fucking break.
People are porno actors because sex is pleasurable and they get paid to do it and I guarantee you there is a percentage of porno actors that do it for that exact reason.
Hold on, real quick.
I think it's pretty hard work.
Sure, but I don't think it's like- Okay.
Yeah.
But it's sex.
Which is a pleasurable act.
Am I being shitty by saying that?
Uh, no, you're not being shitty.
Maybe just a little bit ignorant because I don't- Whoa.
I'm Nigerian.
You gotta watch how you throw that word around.
Sex often- Pornography often isn't made for women, or for women's pleasure.
Okay, sure.
It's genuine work.
Even for men, it's genuine work.
But, no, hold on.
The most important thing here.
You're a bad person is what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, exactly.
No, no.
The most important thing is that, listen, no one will best Lisa Ann.
Yeah, I don't know who that is.
She has an illustrious career.
She's like a milf porno actor.
She is successful.
She is mature.
And, you know, she's good at what she does.
Cool, I believe you guys.
Who's gonna best Lisa Ann?
I don't know.
James F. and Madison says, move over DP, here comes TP!
Yeah!
They better have medics standing by on set.
What does TP mean?
Trump penetration?
Toilet paper.
It's a bad acronym for what you're going for.
It didn't make it seem like maybe Trump penetration is the same as triple because if you need medics standing by... That's for the heart attack.
Oh!
That's for the absolute coronary he's going to have.
I really like the next one a lot.
Captain Pepe Lequeque.
Fuck, that's a very Reddit username, by the way.
You cringed very hard while I read that name, it seemed like.
Um, Alex.
I can't wait.
These people are just, like, so pathetic.
It's like... Yeah, it's a different... This is your identity is, like, fawning over Donald Trump.
It's way more cringy than Facebook deplorable shit.
Way more fucking cringy.
Because at least that is, like, brazen.
And this is, like, perverted.
Well, that's... Facebook is, like, mostly ignorance.
Yeah, it's a bunch of... Which does have an ugly, ugly side of it.
But this is like, they know what they're saying, and they know what they're doing, and it's like, it's like a theater that's just a really weird investment.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
I love it.
What does he say?
What does Captain Pepe like to say?
You want me to read this shit?
Oh, I'm gonna read this shit.
I can't wait to fap to Geotis and then, uh, whatever the fuck's next person, I don't know, doesn't matter, says, I hope he slaps her bottom and makes her beg.
This just, reading this made me vomit in my fucking mouth, uh, It's weird.
It's just imagery.
It's all yucky.
I mean, the whole, I can't wait to fap to G.O.A.T.
is like, it's like self-aware, weird, cringy.
It's like sarcasm, but like not really.
Yeah, it's like possibly ironically gay, possibly actually gay.
It's like there's truth to every joke type thing.
I mean, there's a whole contingent of like gay Trump is daddy.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Republicans.
Have your, you know, have your... No, there's something really fucked up about that.
If you want Trump to be your daddy, yeah, there's something fucked up about that.
Well, whatever.
I mean, what are you gonna say?
What are you gonna... I think voting for Trump was bad.
I think lusting after Trump is bad.
Like, I'm not making a value judgment on... What if you legitimately find him sexually attractive?
Yeah, that's bad.
That's a bummer.
Then that's really fucked up, and I encourage you to write into the podcast and tell Alex how fucked up he is.
You're just trying to one-up me after the porn actress fiasco.
No, no, no.
No, I'm being not ironic at all.
Okay, if you think, if someone out there, a perfectly morally ethical person, their exact body type is, and beauty perception is Donald Trump.
That's not what I'm saying.
But that's not Donald Trump.
That's what I'm saying.
Right now.
I'm talking about Donald Trump.
I'm not talking about a body double for Trump.
What if someone who is morally and ethically great is sexually attracted to someone of his moral character?
I think that's bad.
You should be chemically castrated.
I think it's morally irresponsible to lust after Chris Brown and he's objectively sexy.
Well, you know what?
But I think it's awful to crush on him and think he's great.
Well, I need to come up with some kind of term for you guys for shaming these people.
But also, anybody who uses the word fap is just like, ugh.
They're either a 4chan or a Reddit user.
What if they make it cleverer and use the word, the fappening?
What if they do that to it?
Does that make it better?
I heard it used in conversation recently, genuinely.
It was somebody who was calling in another podcast and they said, you know, me and my partner will use this to fap.
And I was like, oh no, no, ew.
If you hear someone say that in reality, they are a Reddit user or a 4chan user.
Like that's where it comes from, I'm pretty fucking sure.
It's disgusting.
They're just interesting.
That thing is like farting, dude.
Alright, we're so far on time.
Alright, let's go.
We're at an hour 20, so.
Yeah, brutal.
We got 10 minutes for the rest of this episode.
Okay, let's go.
So, the second half of this episode in the last 10 minutes... Alright, so obviously we ran out of time to talk about Rex Tillerson, so that'll be in the bonus episode on Monday.
It's that goddamn time change.
Please hang the fuck out for that Rex Tillerson feed, because that shit is gonna be choices.
Mad choice.
Uh, yeah.
So Patreon.com slash that awful sound for, uh, oops.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
Hey, why not subscribe to both?
Yeah, it's worth it.
Go to Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult for that Rex Tillerson episode.
Yeah.
And, uh, plenty of other good ones, including that grab them by the Uzi episode about the implosion of the Donald subreddit, which was amazing.
And more to come.
We also have great guests on the Patreon that don't make it to the regular one all the time, so check that out.
True.
Get a good dose of Nick.
Right.
You might have heard that if you downloaded the bonus episode this week.
For like the hour time frame or whatever.
Yeah, I accidentally had it up for about, I don't know, eight hours.
I uploaded it to the wrong feed and then went to sleep and woke up and was like, oh yeah, this is supposed to be on Patreon.
I subscribed to both, like a good person, and I thought, I just didn't know the difference.
Yeah, no, it was the big difference.
Too much awful.
About $3 worth of a difference.
Okay, so write in to us, MinionDeathCult at gmail.com, Instagram at MinionDeathCult, Twitter at MinionDeathCult, Facebook.com slash MinionDeathCult, or join that Facebook group at I don't know.
Facebook.com slash groups slash MinionDeathCult, I think.
Or just search for MinionDeathCult or MinionDeathCommandos in the Facebook groups.
And we're there.
It's fun shit.
Please rate the podcast in iTunes.
Rate and review.
Five stars.
We're still new.
Need all the help we can get.
Hey, if you can't subscribe to the Patreon, consider giving us a rating and review instead.
That would really help us out.
Um, let us know if you're listening.
Let us know what you like and what you don't like.
And, uh, okay.
It's a weird time to hammy that.
I meant to do it earlier.
Tell a friend to tell a friend.
Tell your friends.
Help spread the word.
Uh, and I think that's about it.
Yep.
Thanks for listening to Minion Death Cult.
Bye.
▲
Export Selection