This week our first story is a viral, totally fake, right-wing fantasy about a disrespectful millennial cashier who refuses to take a $20 bill with Trump's name on it. The Patron calls the cops. Our second story is the tragic tale of a cup-based restaurant in Tucson who was forced to close its doors after posting a noxious, Pro-Trump, Anti-NFL list of grievances on its Facebook page and DARING it to go viral. Oops! If you like the show, please rate and review in iTunes. And send your meemaw's memes to miniondeathcult@gmail.com!
Walking down Fifth Street, drinking the half-gallon plastic bottle.
Just drinking out of it.
Eating... Not shitting you.
The Life Savers gummies.
Oh, whoa.
And milk.
What the fuck?
Right?
Wait, did he think it was Froot Loops?
I don't know what he was doing.
Yeah, right?
Maybe they were trying to get their fruit and their protein.
You can't walk more than a block on a street with any type of vessel full of just milk.
Not in downtown Redlands.
You're a creep.
Legit psychopath.
You're a crazy person.
I'm like, don't look at him guys, don't look at him.
He rested the milk on a trash can.
Like on top of a trash can.
Oh man.
Went about his business, organized his shit, and it was so wild because we were like, I'm all for inclusivity.
But I don't want this milk tricker sitting with me right now.
Oh, man.
And then I continue to slang vegan burritos.
You should have told him, this is vegan territory, man.
Well he was too far away, I didn't know I would come close.
By the way, this is like a well-dressed, presumably like has his stuff together besides this person.
This is the one thing, imagine what this guy could accomplish if he just cut this thing out.
Yeah, what a weirdo.
What a weirdo.
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone ray.
Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist phonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
But stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're in the desert.
All their environmental stuff.
Stay tuned.
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
I'm, um... I'm, uh, brain fried today.
Mountain Matt.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
That was actually pretty good.
I tried.
You tried to fuck it up.
You're just getting too good at it.
I will be really good at fucking it up every week.
And hey, we're Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Your grandpa's Facebook feed is responsible.
We're documenting it.
This time it's your grandpa.
It's all of them.
It's all you.
It's definitely your G-pa, though.
He's a fucker.
P-pa is a fucker, guys.
It's time to confront this fact.
All right, yeah, so today we got a great show.
We're talking about kind of stuff that's very relevant to last week's show.
Last week's show was, of course, about tipping and the value of the dollar and how you can use the dollar to sort of officiate change in the world.
Well, now that we've got tons of GOP control and shit, trickle-down economics are actually able to work.
And like, you know, yeah, like finally we give it, give it some room and it works.
Time and like social media, like will allow it to happen.
There has to be like room between the top and the bottom for it to actually trickle down.
Yeah.
You'll be thanking us for this tax plan soon.
All right.
So today we got, we got a couple of stories for you.
We're trying to get better at managing our time here, because there's just so much to talk about every episode, and we've been running extremely long.
We're bad at it.
So we're sticking to two stories today, the first of which is another sort of viral right-wing fantasy that just is...
It's obviously demonstrably false and yet lapped up whole hog to mixed metaphors by the boomer and the greatest generation, right?
Easily.
Easily.
I keep using boomer and the generation before them interchangeably.
Boomer is like our dads.
Right.
The generation before that, the World War II generation.
World War II vets, exactly.
Greatest generation, right?
Yeah.
And they absolutely are.
Well, they're meshing into one now.
No contest here.
They're meshing into one now.
Yeah, millennials are becoming boomers, boomers are becoming the greatest generation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, we got that, and then we also got, uh... We also got one of my favorite phenomenons of this sort of, like, Facebook death cult thing, the age of social media, the age of, like, unbridled Shithead politics and the way it can sort of result in, you know, actual change in the world.
Most of which is you getting fired from your job, or your business shutting down, or you getting impeached from your state senate seat.
Which, I don't think impeachment is the technical term for that, but you know what I mean.
Some cases it's a good bow out.
Yeah.
So last week- Obligatory bow out.
So, it's the invisible hand of the market forcibly arches your back downward and leads you out the door.
Yeah, no, this time it's an even worse fall from grace.
It's not a governor this time, it's somebody more important.
It's the small business owner.
Right.
And what can happen when the intolerant left reacts to your totally normal Facebook manifesto about who your restaurant is going to serve and why.
So that's going to be fun.
Yeah, it's funny.
So this first one, let me just read this first Facebook post.
This is from Steve Pebworth, and I believe as of today it has like 36,000 likes, probably a similar number of shares, 3,000 comments, which is, you know, like I say on That Awful Sound, the more comments there are, the more complicated it gets.
It's like a double-edged sword, because as like a completist that I am, like I will sit here for two hours Clicking, show more, show more.
Digging deeper and deeper.
Give me more.
Thank you.
I need to get them all, you know?
And so I have to cut myself off.
That's another reason why this show runs so long.
And luckily Facebook is this place that, what they like to do is like, sew your asshole up and keep on feedin' you, and feedin' you, and feedin' you.
Yeah, this sounds like a pretty deep echo chamber, Alex.
So, Steve Pebworth writes, I went with several friends to a restaurant in Texas, and after the meal, went to pay.
So like Denny's or something, I guess?
What happened, Steve?
Unknowingly, the $20 bill I had in my wallet had, Trump Lives Here, written in permanent marker on the White House.
Flex.
The cashier looks at it and says, I can't take this money.
It's invalid because it's been defaced.
I'm like, you gotta be shittin' me.
The kid holds his ground and says, you have to give me some other form of payment, like a credit card or something.
I said, I can't.
This is all I got.
See, this dude's still recovering from the Obama era economy.
A $20 bill is all he has to his name.
Exactly.
I can't.
This is all I got.
And he tells me, then you need to go to an ATM and get valid currency.
I went with, nope.
He gave him that, nope.
I went with, nope.
The money works, you can take it.
Kid goes, but I'm not going to.
So I called the cops.
Already this story is so fucking gay.
Uh, police?
Uh, somebody's picking on me?
He called the cops because a teenager was being mean to him.
Oh my god.
It's tough on the streets.
It's tough on the streets.
Is it wrong that, like, I'm sure that when this guy made this story up that, like, he probably thought the teenager was like, um, excuse me.
His voice was kind of like a high timbre.
Oh yeah, he was a gay kid.
So a gay, like, a gay kid with, like, platinum blonde hair, right?
And he's like, excuse me, you have to bring valid currency.
I'm sure Steve Petworth was doing that.
Yeah, this, I mean, this story is like interchangeable with any sort of like transgender teens bullied me out of my seat if I had the restaurant, you know, pick whichever.
That is, that is definitely what's conveyed here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is so lame.
Listen, these snowflakes hurt my feelings.
It's that story again.
So I called the cops.
I called the cops.
I called the cops because this kid wouldn't let me pay for my meal.
Fuck, dude.
Can you just hear him on the phone?
It's funny, because when I do his voice, I definitely do, like, that voice.
I do, like, he calls the cops.
Like, hey guys.
Hey guys.
So, I don't know about you, but my president, he lives in the White House, and this snowflake is not accepting.
I need you to come tell him to accept it.
This snowflake has let the fact of Donald Trump as our president hurt his feelings, and I tried to explain to him that the dollar is the unit of currency in America, and it does not care about your feelings.
No.
Imagine being such a fucking nerd, such a bootlicking, like, teacher's pet, that you're gonna call the cops because a kid wouldn't let you pay for your meal.
Any normal person would have walked away and been like, that's tight, I get a free meal.
But, with the whole unification of the White House and the police forces, And this guy, you know, that bottom level tier, he knows that he can somehow get to Trump and let Trump know that, you know, if he calls his boys and blew up.
But this is Arizona, right?
Hey guys, they're talking about Dad.
They're talking about Dad at the Applebee's.
This is Texas.
Texas, okay, yeah, I was pretty close, I guess.
Yeah, this is Texas, and it is, even though it's, you know, Totally fake story.
It's still a glimpse inside, like, the mind, you know?
It's still true in a way.
It's true in a very real way that this is what, like, animates the conservative person.
And yeah, they do imagine, you know, it's probably not It's imagined in these specific ways of, I can't buy this product I like.
Or, I can't tell Starbucks to put fuck Hillary Clinton on my coffee cup.
Coffee cup.
And like, they have to yell it out.
They're supposed to yell your name, but they won't do it.
If like, your name is Hillary for prison.
Oh man.
Like, last name for prison.
First name Hillary.
I mean, this is a phased currency.
This kid probably works for the fucking Fed and the Clintons.
But this is like, you are probably, you know, okay so you love Donald Trump, you ostensibly love like right-wing nationalistic pseudo-fascist or crypto-fascist policies.
I like that so much.
And all your people are in there.
Yeah.
You got the judiciary, you got Donald Trump, you got both branches of Congress, and yet You're still not getting the respect you deserved.
Now maybe it's not literally like in a restaurant where people like where this dude has to fucking serve you because that's his job you're still getting that service but like he's not saying yes sir no sir he's not saying like thank you for giving me your money and paying my bills.
So you had, so this is, it's just like, it's a little glimpse.
Let's keep going with it.
Yeah, let's go.
I just love that he's, it's just so childish.
He's literally saying like, but I want it.
Give me the fucking burger.
No, sir, no.
But I, but I want it.
I'm going to tell on you.
I'm going to tatter on you.
So what happens when you tell?
What happens when you get, what happens when you do the right thing?
You do the right thing.
Well, let's see if he's vindicated.
Let's see if it's not only sandwiches, but also justice, which is served today.
So the cop came there, right?
It came to the fucking restaurant?
Yep.
By now, several people had gathered around the register.
This is his audience to witness the owning of this liberal teen.
They pulled out their cell phones, began recording, started yelling, INFO!
INFO!
Unfortunately, none of them gave me their information, so I couldn't find any video of this interaction.
Okay.
Several people had gathered around the register, and when the cops arrived, the standard quote, What seems to be the trouble here?
Excuse me?
What seems to be the trouble here?
You know how cops always walk up and say, CITIZEN!
What seems to be the problem here?
Robocop.
Robocop.
Was that what we were going for?
You know this totally, like, real life thing that happens every time you see a cop, which is, HALT!
Who goes there?
It is I, John Q. Taxpayer.
What seems to be the trouble here?
Before I can say anything, the kid says, quote, This man is attempting to pass counterfeit currency, which has been defaced, and I'm not accepting it.
Cop says, let me see the bill.
Upon examination, the cop says, son, there are millions of bills with writing on them and it is valid currency, so kindly take it and give the gentleman his change.
Kid says, nope, I'm not taking it.
Kid went with standard, nope.
Kid gave him the nope.
Yeah.
Cop says, why not?
But, but how come?
Yeah, but why though?
But how come though?
Here we go.
Cop says, why not?
Rubber hits the road.
And the kid says, that is not the right phrase.
Rubber hits the road.
And the kid says, because anything with Trump's name on it disgusts me.
He's not my president.
Hashtag he's not my president.
Hashtag not my president.
Hashtag cuck life.
L-Y-F-E.
I feel like he could have just, like, he could have just... I mean, you could make this story again and just have it be like, Well, I'm not taking anything with the United States of America printed on it because this country disgusts me.
Exactly.
Or like, I will never ever buy an NFL jersey ever again because the shield's right on it.
No, that's good.
No, that's... Oh, because the USA shield's on.
Right.
That's a hot take.
That's a real hot take.
Right, you know?
Come on.
Get it.
The cop pauses for a second, looks down, and proceeds to say- see right there it should have been looks the kid- it should have been looks the kid straight in the eye.
No, he looks down at his shoes.
He's completely insecure in himself as a policeman.
My feet really are flat, look at that.
Um...
Okay, here's the deal.
Take the money and give the gentleman his proper change, or his lunch is free today because he's trying to pay you for the meal.
The kid still refused, and the cop tells me, have a nice day, sir.
You are free to go.
Citizen, you are free to go!
It's exactly, it's Murphy.
The cop's name was Murphy.
I think it'd be tight if it was a robot, though.
I'd be kind of down with that antagonist-protagonist relationship.
I'm waiting for that.
I think I might be good with robot cops.
At least it's like you have no issue destroying it because it's not a human.
That's never going to happen, though, because cops... It might be a robot, but a human racist person is going to be controlling that robot.
You know what I mean?
You plug artificial intelligence into Twitter and sure, it becomes a little racist.
But, it takes the complexity of the human mind to really, like, get your point across.
You make it go through the academy, it's gonna be pretty fucking whack.
It's gonna be whack.
It's gonna be real bigoted.
The first law of robotics is a robot cop cannot allow harm to come to a white person.
Yes.
Right.
I also like to imagine, like, this cop as Robocop is good.
I like to imagine it also as, like, one of the, like, pussy liberal cops from Demolition Man in the future and, like, they have to read every statement, like, out of a pamphlet.
Yeah.
Uh, what seems to be the problem here?
Citizen?
You know?
They're not taken seriously at all?
No.
I imagine a skinny guy, like, you know, with, like, overly large hat, just trying to, like, adjust it, like, uh, excuse me, uh, or, you know.
You can cut that, that was terrible.
No, that was good.
And then, uh, yeah, and the cashier is actually, uh, Simon Phoenix.
Oh, absolutely.
It's actually, uh, what's his name?
I forgot his name.
I remembered his character's name, but not the actor's name.
Yeah, I don't know who plays him.
Come on, you guys know.
Wesley Snipes.
It's Wesley Snipes behind the counter.
What do you mean you guys?
You mean us black people?
My Nigerian brother over here?
I gotta announce, I don't think I got it on recording, but yeah, 0.7% Nigerian.
So very much like Wesley Snipes.
Yeah, no, now you get to say the N-word all you want.
Right, I'm down.
Like that guy I argued with on my sister's Facebook post.
Oh my gosh.
Good God, that guy.
No, yeah, the cashier is a gigantic black man with a bleached crew cut.
Refusing to allow this concerned citizen to pay his bill.
That would be tight.
This whole scenario got much cooler.
The kid still refused and the cop tells me, have a nice day, sir.
You are free to go.
Then looks at the kid and says, I guess when word gets out that meals are free if Trump's name is written on a $20 bill on the White House, this place will get swamped with people wanting to eat for free.
Which I think, I believe is also like part of the handbook.
That statement.
That page, like, that's in the appendixes.
This is totally a phrase that somebody said apropos of nothing.
A run-on sentence.
I guess when word gets out that meals are free if Trump's name is written on a $20 bill on the White House, this place will get swamped with people wanting to eat for free.
It's easy, yeah.
Just show up, write it on the money.
This is like small talk.
This phrase is like trite.
It sounds like a stream of consciousness to me.
Like if you're trying to voice dictate on Siri text, that comes out like that.
Yeah, this whole thing was dictated in the front seat of a car.
My debit card has a picture of Trump on it, so they can't use that.
Oh my god.
Dude, don't fucking scare me with that shit.
This is totally not how this works.
I mean, it can work this way, yes.
People will maybe not, they'll show up there thinking, you know, I can get even free if I do this.
I don't think it's gonna happen.
But the opposite happens.
If someone hears this story, it makes them think, oh cool, I can fuck with their ethics.
I might want to spend money with them.
I'm sorry, oh yeah, well we don't have the name of the restaurants.
No, but that happened to me today.
So I was slinging burritos and I saw some homies and I was like, hey guys, what's up?
I got some burritos if you guys want to come cop some burritos.
Copped it.
And they came over and they're like, oh we actually have reservations at this restaurant.
And I was like, you know what's cool about my burritos?
that they can't say about their restaurant.
And they're like, what's that?
Well, I'm not a bigot.
So you should just eat these burritos with me, a non-bigot, instead of going over there and supporting that bigot.
I mean, the food tastes terrible, but at least you feel good about it.
Yeah, exactly.
I have a good sauce that covers up anything bad about it.
It's a really good sauce.
100% guaranteed non-bigot.
Yeah.
There's not a bigot bone in my body.
That's a good deal.
And yeah, they actually sat in a burrito with me.
Did this really happen?
Yeah, this really happened.
And those children's names were Albert Einstein.
That was actually Jay-Z and Beyonce when they were 13.
They didn't know each other yet.
Um, no actually it was uh, it was uh, I don't know if I want to use names on here.
That's right.
But they're cool people, good people.
Cool, they sound cool.
Dumb sick people.
Last line, gotta read this last line.
Uh, this is outside of the story, it just, the post says, Thank you, Merry Christmas.
Yep.
And God bless y'all.
Oh man.
I love the little additions they always do on these posts.
They know, there's like... They know what's triggering.
Yep, they do.
They know what triggers their fan.
Like they know how to write a liberal that would trigger their people.
Right.
It's like you were talking about in your Skyrim game.
It's like these little additions add power to the weapon.
Absolutely.
These are individual level ups throughout this thing.
If you sign your post with prayers for Trump, it adds like 20 damage points to the snowflake.
Yeah, two snowflakes specifically, though.
Yeah, so this post was accompanied by a photograph of... What is this?
Oh, it's the passenger seat of a car.
Meaning the person who took this picture was sitting in the front seat of their car.
That is the natural habitat of the right-wing Facebooker, is the front seat of their own car.
We get to finally see the passenger seat.
This is what the passenger seat of that car looks like.
I know, that's crazy.
It's like they turned, they flipped the camera Stack them in order It's a wild move.
So we have nine bills here sitting on the passenger seat, all with Trump lives here on the back of them.
It's $270.
It's $270, and you're thinking, wow, nine $20 bills doesn't add up to $270.
And that's because one of them is a $100 bill, one of them is a $10 bill.
And the thing is, the White House ain't on the back of the $100 bill.
$270 and that's because one of them is a $100 bill, one of them is a $10 bill.
Yeah.
And the thing is, the White House ain't on the back of the $100 bill.
Nah.
Nah, B.
Nah.
That's a totally different building.
That's a different building.
It's like two blocks over.
The White House is not on the back of the $10 bill.
Nah.
Yeah.
This is like... I believe it's like the Treasury Department is on the back of the $10 bill.
Trump lives there, too.
Trump lives everywhere when he's the president.
They get specific and draw, like, an arrow to, like, a room.
Like, there's a little arrow that's pointing to, like, a part of the buildings.
A part of the treasury.
Trump lives right here.
That would just be hilarious, though, and they're not that funny.
This is where Trump lives, right here.
Yeah, so, uh... Can I just say something real quick, though, about this, like, destroying currency?
Like, as a young, pissed punk, like, I wrote shit on dollars all the time, and, like, it pisses me off that, like, these fucking GOP Tea Party fuckers are appropriating, like, plagiar- er, not plagiarism, uh... What's the word?
Graffiti.
Graffiti, man!
Graffito.
Graffito, exactly.
Yeah, because, oh, this person is not down with graffiti.
This person, like, wants those thugs...
Especially public property?
Yeah, public.
I paid for that with my tax dollars.
What's funny about this story, it's just this approach, right?
Where we talk about hypotheticals, and he's like, you know what?
I can make this hypothetical into a real thing.
Right.
Let me post this post.
Let me publish my story.
And the idea that it's a joke, which we'll get into in these comments, that's the defense.
Oh, it's a joke.
Well, no.
35.5 thousand of these commenters do not think it's a joke.
They know that liberals are this fucking stupid and this fucking triggered all of the time.
And more than one of them say this happened to a friend of theirs.
Absolutely, and so yeah, it doesn't skate like this is definitely crazy.
This is definite propaganda.
Yeah, it's definite like boomer Cornball propaganda.
Oh fuck.
Yeah, they really only works better than really only reinforced like it really only works on their own.
Yeah, it's It's conceived by them, clearly.
It's the echo chamber.
That's why we sit here and laugh at it.
How did that propaganda manifest itself amongst the commenters?
Okay, so Rian Sullivan, really tapping into last week's episode.
Gotta try this, and make sure to leave a $1 tip with Trump written on it.
Oh, God.
Boom.
What are they going to do with that?
Not much.
Well, most servers are millennials and millennials are just, they just don't like our president.
I got a good comment about that too.
All right.
No, but I love this.
Make sure to leave a $1 tip with Trump.
Like $1.
This isn't, it's, it's like you said, it's your server is a millennial.
Your server is poor.
Yeah.
Therefore.
And they don't support the president.
They don't support the president.
Yeah.
That's just, it's just logical.
So this person isn't even, this person isn't even saying like, I'm gonna wait until they refuse to accept my money and then leave them the dollar tip.
It's, no, it's just, I can't wait.
I can't wait to only leave a dollar tip as an insult.
Fuck you.
This is, like, what's worse?
Those, like, Christian pamphlets shaped like a dollar bill?
Oh my god.
Or a dollar bill with, you know, Trump rules.
I would rather get the Trump rules because I could at least spend the dollar.
I get fucking legit pissed when I see that shit.
Chris Hast says, I believe it happened at one of the big steakhouse in Houston, Texas.
I believe it.
And I do believe that Chris Hast believes that.
I definitely believe that too.
I believe it happened.
I believe it happened at one of the big steakhouse in Houston, Texas.
And that's like, you know, how do you narrow it down?
There's... It's... No, no, actually that's... There's more than one of them, but it's called... Big Steak House!
It's the one in Houston!
The one in Houston, though, not the one in Austin.
The Austin one is much smaller and only vegan.
Yeah, we don't go to Austin.
They have a mixology bar there and we don't fuck around.
Shout out to Matt Booth.
What up, Matt Booth?
I love you, Matt Booth.
I miss you.
Is Matt Booth in Austin?
Yeah.
He listens to the show, doesn't he?
He lives at South by Southwest now.
That fucking millennial, Matt.
That's tight.
Austin's sick, but yeah.
Matt does listen to the show, huh?
I don't know.
It's a new show.
I haven't had a chance to get everybody on it.
Matt, I'm being a chaos magician and you listen to the show.
You do it.
Alright, cool.
Mark Hampton has one of my favorite responses.
Damn, I read this wrong.
Well, there's no punctuation.
I mean... Where is the moron store manager?
Like, you know, the moron store?
Like, the jerk store?
Oh, man.
Oh, you think that this is the manager of the moron store?
Like, this man just wanted... He didn't know that that's what he was getting when he walked in there, and unfortunately, he walked into the moron store.
Yeah, you gotta... I mean, this guy... This is that weird, like, right-wing version of, like, their haiku.
Like, they don't use punctuation.
It's their signature little poem, you know?
No punctuation, and you let it roll.
You translate it how you feel it.
Do art forms typically come out of, like, raw stream of consciousness?
Like that?
Exactly, yeah.
When you have a direct line to God.
I mean, haikus probably... Right, right.
I'm sure haikus came from someone who thought like, oh man, I'm directly connected to my ancestors in the past.
The Facebook comment section is like the only true outsider art forum left.
It's crazy.
By the way, I think the Moron Store might be the name of the episode.
It's good, there's like a Death Grips tie in there.
Boom!
Moron Store!
A, I named one.
Um, what else was I gonna say?
So, just, okay, let's take it at face value that, uh, that he means, like, it's the moron store manager.
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he, okay, let's fill in the punctuation.
Moron store manager is this man's honorific title.
Yeah.
Uh, sounds like a troll to me.
I love that you read this obviously fake story designed to trigger you into reacting and designed to trigger liberals as well and your takeaway is that the fake person in this lame-ass propaganda piece is they themselves the troll.
Yep.
Yeah.
Sounds like a troll to me.
This person, and this person knows trolls having seen a few in his day.
Listen, uh, this is a hard sentence to read and it fucks me up.
Yeah, it's hilarious, it's perfect.
Oh, here we got one.
Is it the next, is it the one below it?
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about here.
Thomas Franklin says, thus down to the fall of paper currency.
Oh wow.
Therefore, So eloquent.
Before the dawn of paper currency was the fall of paper currency.
No, this guy... Whereforth toward the ground doth the paper currency plummeted.
Currency.
So it's like plural currents?
Or what, like... Yeah, like the current berry.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
And then I like that his name's Thomas Franklin.
This guy's definitely a, like, a direct descendant.
Yeah, it's Thomas Franklin, not Benjamin Franklin.
No, it's Thomas Franklin.
I don't know if this was a troll comment because if it's a troll comment it would be really fucking good.
Yeah, this would be some insane like like thought would have gone into this.
Down to the fall of paper currency.
The first draft of this ended with huzzah.
Oh, I gotta quit that cackle.
Fuck, dude.
No, it's a good cackle.
No, it sounds horrible.
Just turn your head when you do it.
I love it.
I like it, yeah.
If I go up, it like hits down, and I think that's what I usually do when I go up.
It reflects off one of the multiple surfaces.
It goes like, yeah, well, it goes like this.
It like deflects like off the wall back into here, so I gotta go that way.
Yeah, this is an untreated room.
You gotta watch where you laugh.
Hey, dude, looks treated to me.
Um...
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
Finally, we've got a new recruit in our gold standard anti-fiat currency endeavor.
Thomas Franklin.
This is what it finally took for Thomas Franklin to realize just how What's the word I'm looking for?
Like fragile our economic system is?
Jeffrey Bell says... Jeffrey.
This is a good comment.
Like it or not, parenthesis, and I do not, Trump is the president, and as the son of a career military man and a veteran, I will abide by him until he has run his term.
And, uh, you're asking, like, how is this man, like, you know, he's gonna abide by the president, so he must be, like, a service member, like, in direct command of, you know, underneath Donald Trump.
Secret Service.
Commander-in-Chief, and doing his job, you know, despite his personal differences with the man he respects, the office.
Always.
Of course.
Turns out Jeffrey Bell is a forklift operator at Home Depot.
So, like, Donald Trump's gonna be like, yo, dude, I need those flats moved up to the third tier on this rack, and Jeffrey Bell's gonna be like, goddammit, like, I don't agree with you, but I will.
I'll do it.
Well, he's just, like, watching, watching Donald Trump, like, whenever he talks, or, like, what's, what's, what's his, what's the lady's name that we talked about?
The gorgeous Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Yo, yo, that, that Xena Photoshop?
Oh, that's crazy.
Xena Photoshop had me shook.
That's crazy.
It's Huckabee's, Sarah Huckabee Sanders head on Xena's body.
And she's like slaying a CNN correspondent.
Yeah, and it is just like, it had me, it had me shook.
It's a pretty good, it's a pretty scintillating Photoshop job.
It's just, you know, it's just a strong, smart woman who tells it like it is.
Oh fuck yeah.
Sorry.
Jesse Hart says, he president, and it's said in the Bible to pray for the president.
You remember that?
You guys remember that part of the Bible?
God know who was going to be presented before we did, so let it go.
Just let it go.
You love God's plan.
Holy fuck.
Dude, what the fuck?
And this applies to all presidents, even the ones that you don't like.
Pray for the president.
Hashtag pray for the president.
Even the basketball playing presidents.
Even the presidents that played basketball.
Alright, next slide.
I am gonna piss real quick.
Okay.
Alright, let's do it.
Tim Sumpter.
Sumpter.
Writes, I see snowflakes melting.
LMAO.
Woodrow Kenway replies, I'm gonna burn a flag in your yard.
The best response possible.
That's awesome.
Tim Sumter replies, Larry Wasson, which is a third party that we haven't heard from yet.
Larry Wasson, tell this quote one what'll happen.
And then Larry Wasson replies, with a flexing bicep he's gonna get an ass whooping like he's never received before flexing bicep five exclamation points This like reminds me of like, I mean this is Hulk Hogan saying that.
Like this is, you know what I mean?
This is blonde hair, blue eyed Hulk Hogan going in.
Every word is capitalized except Ann, which is an article and those are usually not capitalized in a title.
So this is grammatically correct.
This is the title of an album.
And then Tim Sumter, OP, replies with a meme.
Says, I am a born free, constitution loving, responsibly armed American.
And responsibly armed is the only phrase that doesn't have a hyphen on it, which is interesting because they took the trouble to hyphenate born free and constitution loving.
He like He like had this ready to go just like ready to insert in their comments, right and we get like a war-torn Weathered American flag as a background right on that one and Okay, what's crazy about that is like Larry Larry Watson is like we'll beat you up and Tim Summers like nah dawg We might shoot this guy Well, if you shoot someone first, it makes the ass whoopin' easier.
I mean, he's burning- he's trying to burn me down right now.
He's attacking me with fire.
I'm going to shoot him.
He's trying to attack the flag.
He's gonna burn a flag on your yard.
And so, Tim Sumter replies- Playing capture the flag.
With the American flag.
Larry Wasson, his, like, hype man, replies- replies with, oh you gif.
Oh you waving gif.
The flag of Oklahoma University.
So crazy.
Two of them!
Yeah.
As if to say, you're not burning either of these.
No.
You're not burning any of these three flags, two of which are the Oklahoma University flag.
And then, he also comments, Hey Larry Wilson, tell them what your name is.
I'm a retired U.S.
Army LTC Lieutenant Kerneral.
Lieutenant Kerneral.
Kerneral.
I misspoke.
With the lapel medal emoji.
Yeah.
He's a decorated commentator.
Airborne Ranger and this flag, that's not the American flag.
No.
Which flag is that?
It's the one star, it's like the one star.
Which flag is this people?
It's not the American flag but it's easy to see the confusion.
It's definitely not in like apples emojis, that's for sure.
No it is, this is a real flag.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I've used it incorrectly before too.
That's the Texas flag then.
No, it's just like the American flag, but there's only one star.
I know what it is, anyway.
This flag, I will always defend!
Bicep.
And if you're gonna burn, or the OU flag, or damage his or anyone else's property, Four exclamation points.
This is about property.
Yep.
That's fist-punching emoji.
Unconstitutional, illegal, and unlawful.
Thumbs down.
Thumbs down.
Disappointed.
You're so disappointed.
PUNK!
Exclamation, or all caps, PUNK!
He's talking about you, Matt.
PUNK!
Tim!
Which is his friend.
Tim!
If he causes any problems, keep advised!
Keep me updated with intel about this comment thread to which I am currently subscribed.
Oh my god!
Keep me updated with intel?
That way he says, keep advised.
Advise me of Woodrow Kenway's movements!
Both literal and figurative!
Is he taking a shit on your American flag?
Please advise!
He's like, oh man, I don't know.
I don't know what he's like.
Keep advised.
Boomer!
Sooner!
Boomer?
Sooner.
Oklahoma Sooner.
He's a Boomer Sooner.
This has nothing to do with college.
This is so crazy.
An attack on one flag is an attack on all flags.
The OU flag is basically the American flag to good Americans.
They fly them on the same pole at the college.
Note to self.
Note to self for future during the editing process.
Dub in that part in King of the Hill where that shopkeep owner says, Go Sooners!
Yes, yes.
Like, scares Hank and Bobby out of his establishment.
I gotta say, I sure envy you.
After a hard day's work at a job you love, you get to take your son to see the cowboys.
I am so sick of you South Texas pig jockeys coming in here, waking me up to tell me, how about them cowboys?
Orleans stinks and Wichita Falls rules.
And you know why?
Because in five minutes I can be inside the great state of Oklahoma.
He's paid by the University to advertise, probably.
What's his profile picture?
It's an Oklahoma University Sooners football in a display case.
Signed football.
Signed football.
I really wish we could see his face, dude.
I really wish.
Yeah, so this- I thought- I fuckin- I half thought and just half hoped that this was a new phrase that he made up for himself and his gang of Sooners, which was Boomer Sooners!
I thought they were the Boomer Sooners, but it turns out that's like the name of the song.
The school song.
It's called Boomer?
Probably.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
I looked it up.
I typed in Boomer Sooners.
So he's not like calling all boomers, calling all boomers?
No, it's like a song that was written in 1917, so it's got no affiliation with the second best generation.
I'm gonna continue to think that this asshole was trying to rally all of his generation together.
What's funny is, like, they kept on going.
Woodrow had never said anything.
No.
Woodrow left alone.
It's the best response.
I fucking love Woodrow.
Woodrow Kenway, I hope you're listening.
Yeah, dude.
Please find us.
If we ever make shirts or anything, we'll send you a fucking shirt, dude.
We could just, like, tag him, like, in a post on Facebook, probably, right?
That's true.
We're gonna tag you.
We ready to move on?
Yeah.
Okay, this is the second in our story about restaurant-based politics.
Yes, dude.
Which is like, you know, it's so obvious.
This is how you do politics now.
Yeah, oh yeah.
You just like, you choose which space to gorge your fat ass on.
You know, like, that's where you draw the line.
That's where you take your stand is whether or not, like, the server loves Trump or not.
Yeah.
I mean, you vote with your dollars and you only vote at the place that supports the president.
I'm okay with that.
Do not ever come into my place of business.
Boom.
You don't have to.
And it contains all of politics within capitalism, and it helps reinforce this idea that capitalism is the only way.
Because when you practice your politics explicitly through capitalism, then how can you ever get outside that closed loop?
You can't politic your way outside of your only arena of expressing politics.
Those bubbles they speak of.
Exactly.
So this story is about Cup It Up American Grill, which recently had to close down due to intolerant leftists responding to a pro-family values, pro-God, pro-Trump, anti-NFL Facebook post done on the restaurant's main Facebook page.
Which is a shame because this place had potential.
So, the name of the place, like I said, is Cup It Up.
And when I read this story, you know, a few days ago, this happened in October.
I read the story, I think Vice posted something about it.
I read the story and, you know, I tend to speed read things because, you know, in this...
In this late capitalist world, we're all multitasking and we're all barely paying attention to what you're listening to this episode as you eat some ass.
You're multitasking as well.
So I misread this.
I thought it was cut it up.
Which is a phrase.
Cut it up.
Right?
I mean, a cut up is a phrase.
Cut it up, chop it up, yeah.
Would make sense for a restaurant.
It's like dancing.
It makes some sense for a restaurant, exactly, yeah.
So I read this story on Vice and I was like, man, I wish I could fucking find this original post.
All the media reporting about it is that their social media has been deleted, etc.
So I wasn't expecting to find the original post in its original form.
I do have a screen cap here.
So I was searching Facebook for Cut It Up.
Cut It Up American Grill.
Where is it?
Can't find it.
And it was only like 20 minutes before we started recording that I realized... No, it's Cup It Up.
Yeah, Cup It Up, buddy.
C-U-P.
And I found a lot of good stuff in that last 20 minutes, but... Damn.
Let's just describe what Cup It Up is.
Let me send this link.
It's just CupItUp.com if you guys want to type it in real quick so you can look at it with me.
Very nice website for a restaurant that doesn't exist anymore.
It's obviously billed as some new, chic, hip, health-conscious food, but the real hook...
Yeah, the niche here.
What makes them unique?
What makes them unique is that all their food is served in cups.
Holy fuck, dude.
So, you know, obviously, like, if they hadn't been inundated with liberal and leftist hate, this restaurant was bound to succeed and be a thriving cup-based restaurant.
I was gonna, you know, I was gonna try to franchise one.
I don't know.
This stuff actually does not sound terrible looking at the menu.
It's not that bad.
Yeah, I'm sure it's good and expensive and hip.
It's not that expensive either.
It's just like, uh... Well, this is also in, uh, Arizona.
I don't know what the cost of living is in Arizona.
Oh, this is Arizona.
This is Arizona.
This is Tucson, Arizona.
I don't know what the cost of living is there.
But it's actually, it's, it's, so, you know... This is very hipster shit.
It's very hipster and the reason for that is that it was basically on the fucking campus.
It was like in the campus university district.
Wow.
And so their main clientele, which you can tell just by looking at the layout of this restaurant, was going to be millennial, ungrateful communists.
Exactly.
Spending their parents' money.
And I love their reasoning behind, you're like, why a cup?
You know, I mean, it sounds great, but I, you know, I would tell my friends I'm eating out of a cup and they're gonna laugh at me, like, I need some excuse.
The cup-it-up American grill concept was derived out of a need for convenience and mobility.
Yes.
Because like I said, while, you know, while you're driving to work, while you're eating ass, like, you need a good way to eat your food too.
You can't eat it out of a bowl?
Can't eat it out of a bowl.
Mm-mm.
No, no, no.
Okay, so let's go to this Facebook post.
Now that you got a little background.
Yeah.
Cup It Up, American Grill.
Okay.
It's time.
Cup It Up, American Grill made a statement.
I love that, by the way.
Just, I picture this, like, hip, you know, urban restaurant just boiling and seething with unvoiced concern and just not being able to contain it anymore.
This restaurant- They've had enough.
They've had it.
They finally have to speak out.
It's time.
Their cup runneth over.
Now it's time.
Because the cup run over.
This is the cup run-a-thing over.
Goddamn.
Sorry.
No, that's not bad.
That's very good.
It is like this, yeah, righteousness overflowing.
Because it says, it's time Cup-It-Up American Grill made a statement.
We believe in and support 100% in the following, okay?
Very clear so far.
And we get a bulleted list.
Our president, hyphen, Donald J. Trump.
This is to remind you exactly who our president is.
Our president.
Some of you on the left seem to forget.
You're on this soil?
Where this blood was?
It's your president.
Deal with it.
If you love the blood that was spilled on this soil, you should love our president.
Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.
Uh, next bullet.
Always standing for the National Anthem.
Always.
Always be standing.
Not for the Pledge of Allegiance, but the National Anthem.
Life hack, life hack real quick.
As long as you're like, if you're getting like a beer during, you're still standing.
Yep.
So for efficiency purposes, you can go do that.
Oh, right.
I see what you're saying.
You're still standing.
Just take your goddamn hat off.
Exactly.
And you can do that.
So anyways, moving on.
First, the United States Armed Forces.
Not just any forces.
The first, or just first responders.
First responders?
I can fuck with that.
I mean, yeah, of course.
Top commenters, I'm assuming that's what they mean?
Yeah.
Only those who say, first, in the first comment.
Repealing Obamacare.
Drug screening for welfare recipients.
Of course, that's a big one.
Legal immigration.
Okay.
Yeah, that's cool.
I'm okay with legal immigration.
The Bill of Rights.
Yeah, okay.
Less government.
In God we trust.
We believe in and support.
In God we trust.
We don't believe or support and see this is like laid out pretty well.
I gotta see there's like line breaks between Different lists and different statements.
It's visually appealing which is probably what helped it go viral.
This is like a statement This is a um, what's the word?
Manifesto.
There's a manifesto.
A well formatted screed.
A creed.
Go ahead.
What don't they believe in?
We don't believe in or support the following.
Those that don't respect our president, armed forces, and first responders.
Okay, so you gotta combine those because this list is getting a little long.
Yeah, it's gotten too long.
This second one is getting a little long of what they don't believe in.
Kneeling for the national anthem.
Antifa!
All caps.
Man, I love Antifa.
I love that they say it and they just have no idea what Antifa means.
Well, it's the Democratic Party, isn't it?
Yeah, exactly.
It's like the militant wing of the centrist Democrats.
It's Hillary's folks with the pink hats.
Yeah.
Antifa.
Since when did being against fascism become a bad thing?
When you're a fascist.
Oh, that's right.
Fake news!
Political correctness!
Entitlements.
Global warming.
We don't support that.
Well, we don't believe in it.
We don't believe in it.
So that's why they put believe in there, so that that would make sense.
Well, that's fine.
We don't need you to believe in it.
It still exists.
Big government, hate groups, and hate crimes.
Okay, that's interesting.
Yeah, that tripped me out.
Do they mean like the legislation that, uh, you know, classifies certain things as hate crimes?
Is that what they're talking about?
They don't support that legislation?
No, no, it's coincidental that I happen to be calling him that word while he was that color.
I think they just put that in there to try to make sure that you didn't stop reading.
I'm not a racist, I just hate welfare abusers.
We're not racist.
I'm not racist.
I don't know, I think you guys might be giving them too much credit because what I do not see in this second list of things they don't support is Black Lives Matter.
I don't see them single out Black Lives Matter as something they don't support, and we all know that Black Lives Matter is a hate group.
They do commit hate crimes against trash cans and shop windows, and that's definitely what they mean when they say hate groups or hate crimes.
People getting together, you know, like-minded people.
This is my favorite one.
Late night hosts getting political.
Just be funny, man.
Just do your job.
Do your job.
No need to inject politics into it.
I mean, I know your job is to comment on the news and comment on policy and stuff like that, but just do your job without being political.
I just want to get a service from you.
I don't need you to be political about it.
Says the fucking restaurant's Facebook page.
Yeah, who do you think you are?
And then celebrity parentheses expert opinions.
Yep.
We don't need to go into the fact that their fucking beloved man-baby is literally like a celebrity a New York Foppish fancy boy president.
Well, he's you know, he's not a celebrity anymore.
He's the president.
He's the celebrity I think.
He's the number one.
He's the king.
He's the king of the US.
If you like this post, please share it with five friends and we look forward to your next visit.
No more, no less.
Five friends.
If you disagree with this post, please share it with a hundred friends, and we won't be expecting you anytime soon.
Well, they got something right.
God bless the United States of America.
Sincerely, yeah, us.
They sure saw what was coming.
This is amazing.
Yeah.
And so just this shit went viral.
I wish I would have seen it happen.
I just caught the aftermath of it.
But, uh, I love that.
If you don't agree with this, spread the word.
Spread the word about this.
It's an ill-advised business move we just did.
Please spread the word of our imminent demise.
It's the same thing they thought.
The same thing the cops said.
Just imagine if people caught wind of this.
See what happens.
Right, yeah.
They're totally not gonna laugh at you or call you a fucking piece of shit.
They're definitely gonna rally to your cause in Tucson, Arizona.
On a college campus!
Like, what are you fucking thinking?
Yeah, it's so crazy.
Well, I'm definitely not gonna get my pulled pork cup there anymore.
Ew, God.
Hey, here's your cup of pulled pork.
So they pull your pork right into a cup for you.
They pull it into the cup, and then they make you play with it.
And then you can go anywhere you want with it.
The sky's the limit with a cup.
You just pop it in your cup holder, in your Prius, and you just head on down to the class.
Maybe not your Prius, though.
What kind of class?
Is it Gender Studies?
Gender Studies is the one.
It's the go-to.
It's always Gender Studies.
Gender Studies or, like, Pedophilia Rights class.
Oh, man.
Yep.
A guy named Max Standerson, I found this public post, and it was just, yeah, like, oh, look at what liberals are doing.
They're silencing free speech, etc., etc.
As they do.
We should boycott liberals because they're silencing free speech by boycotting this restaurant.
And then Steven Ziegler replies, why not buy it?
Meaning the restaurant.
Reopen it under a new name.
See this is like, this is the solution.
This is the solution to all your problems.
Just start a small business.
Start a business.
Max Stanerson, why not buy it?
Reopen it under a new name.
DTC.
Dang Tasty Coffee.
Parentheses, Donald Trump Coffee.
Dot dot dot.
L-O-L.
Oh, man.
A lowercase L-O-L, like a snicker, like... They already got cups, may as well do coffee.
I was like, why the fuck is he talking about coffee, but oh boy, you nailed it.
Thinking about the overhead, man.
Also, this is perfect because no longer will you have to go into Starbucks and ask that they write Donald Trump on your coffee cup to trigger them.
No, you start an entire coffee shop called Donald Trump Coffee.
That nobody comes to.
It's automatically written on every cup and this time the liberal has to say it when they buy it.
They have to say DTC.
No, they have to say Donald Trump Coffee.
I ordered the Donald Trump Coffee.
And they have to record themselves saying that this coffee is their president and post it to Instagram.
It's just like Maxwell House.
You know what we won't have at this coffee place?
We will only have milk.
Just milk.
All the milk.
Sorry.
They only sell milk.
I fucking love that.
Dang tasty coffee.
That's insane.
Not even damn fine coffee.
Which would be a great... That's gotta already be something, right?
Damn fine coffee already has to be a coffee company.
No, dang tasty, man.
We need that acronym popping.
Okay, and then Greg Cody posting on the Cup It Up American Girl Facebook page, which was still available despite all reporting to the contrary.
Their page was still up.
Your supporters will help you move somewhere where you are appreciated and supported.
As for those who attack you, they are, quote, all yellers and should be treated accordingly.
Oh my god.
This man is going to tell his son to take yelp back.
That's like the saddest way to... Right, and this shows just how much he actually does care about liberals, but this is what must be done.
Like the rabid dogs we are, but he's gonna make a child do it.
Make a kid kill a liberal.
It's gonna make everybody stronger.
It strengthens the community and the family and the bond they all have.
Yeah, a shared felony.
I need you to breathe.
Breathe while you get him in your sights.
Speaking of sights, Lucas Tan, whose profile picture is just a gun, like an actual gun, a photograph he took himself, says, Yup, the double standard rule.
New world order through disorder.
If you are a patriot, the liberal left will shit you up.
Which I believe is supposed to be cup you up.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
His autocorrect turned shut to shit.
Uh, free speech is only for the left.
Yeah, no, this is how the left is going to control everything by making things more out of control.
So, so, so cup it up, leftist, lefturn.
I'm so tired, guys.
It's New Year's Day.
I had two hours of sleep last night.
I like, uh, I like lefturn.
Yeah, lefturn, yeah, so the... Like, left turning point.
Lefturn.
USA.
Lefturn folk.
They did this?
They made Cup It Up?
Is that what they're saying?
No, the New World Order is the one who silenced Cup It Up.
Oh.
And they did that by creating chaos.
On social media.
Yeah, and that's their chaos magic, is sending people to a Yelp page.
Okay, let's move on to the Fox News comment section.
Yes.
Charlie119, star leader, beautiful boy, beautiful star leader, Charlie119, says, The least Prez Trump can do is go to that restaurant with his family to physically demonstrate that if you support me by sticking your nick out, I am backing you up 100%.
Oh, man.
And I do have to say, like, why isn't Trump there proving just how safe and secure this establishment can be?
Because like we said earlier, Cup It Up actually seemed like they had some rather healthy options.
Yeah.
Everything seemed fairly fresh.
The pulled pork I spoke of earlier actually had like asparagus and some vegetables with it.
Yeah.
There are no fillet fishes here.
There are no Big Macs here.
So that's exactly why he's not going to go there.
Let alone two Filet-O-Fishes and two Big Macs.
And also, he doesn't have to hurry anywhere.
He sits down and enjoys his meals.
He doesn't eat portable meals.
What kind of quinoa eater, though, totes a gun, so you know it's not gonna be violent.
It's gonna be fine.
Once again, you said there was what?
Like, asparagus?
Yeah.
And, uh, what's the fancy lettuce?
Arugula?
Kale?
Kale.
Like, this place literally fucking sells... Excuse me.
Kale in a cup.
Kale in a motherfucking cup.
A. Fuck you.
I'm glad you're out of business.
B. What the fuck are you thinking posting this shit?
Once again, who do you think goes there?
They're tripping out.
They don't understand business.
Not only are Donald Trump supporters, just to level some facts at you people, like 36% of the population?
Something like that?
36% of the electorate at least.
You're already working at a disadvantage.
What's the percentage of Trump voters that go to your fucking hipster ass restaurant on campus?
Practically on campus?
Zero.
This is a demographic though.
You know who this is?
It's CrossFitters.
Oh, shit, you're right.
Seriously, this is CrossFitters.
This is CrossFit food.
Using the university gym.
Yeah, exactly.
This is the people who are at the university who are like, oh, I don't want to get too specific.
They're like going to CrossFit while they're also in the EMT program.
Right.
I know the person you're talking about.
At the school.
Oh, I see.
Okay, yeah.
It's weird, but they're like, I gotta eat healthy because I gotta get my gains, I also gotta cut this week, and they have good clean food there, but I also have my principles because I stand for my country.
My principles are also fucking shredded.
You know how easy it is to find a fucking Blue Lives Matter CrossFit shirt?
But yeah, that's who they were banking on here.
And actually, in Arizona, man, like, at the school, like, the school's very, um, very... There's a lot of young conservatives at that school.
Isn't it a party school?
Arizona University?
It's bros.
It's bro dudes.
Yeah.
Bro guy dudes.
I mean, like, just any campus, you know, you're gonna have a higher concentration of left-leaning people, no matter what, where you are.
Because they're educated.
They didn't show up left, but they left left.
Left left.
Man, so many star leaders.
We're truly blessed.
Star leader, star leader.
I would not be afraid to eat at your restaurant.
Once again, supposedly the restaurant got threats of fire and stuff like that.
That's their excuse for closing down.
Really what happened is the employees fucking left because they were sick of dealing with the fallout of this shit.
The chef quit.
The other employees quit.
They were like, hey, I probably make decent food here.
Like I can get another job somewhere where the owner isn't an insufferable piece of shit.
Maybe they are a Trump supporter, but at least they keep their fucking mouth shut about it.
Yeah.
And let me just, let me just ignore politics while I'm grinding through my job, you know?
Please.
Cause like, I'm not going to go into that.
Anyway, uh, just, you know, small business owners love pushing their fucking politics on their employees.
Yeah.
But they usually don't do it in such a public forum, you know?
They don't throw you in front of the bus, they just, you know... Drag you behind it so people can't see it.
Exactly.
Or make sure you're riding it, at least.
At least the back, though.
Yeah.
Fuck, dude.
I also love this.
I understand the violence of the left, but I would not be afraid to eat at your restaurant.
This is how you show true moral courage in our modern society.
You're not afraid to go eat at the cup restaurant.
The violence of the left.
Yeah, I believe, wasn't it just recently a bunch of, like, left-leaning feminists who beat up a Muslim girl on video recently?
No, no, it was a bunch of young conservatives.
It was the fucking gnarly-ass right who were just like, yeah, that's the violence that's coming from the left.
Hey, remember when that socialist Dodge Charger killed that woman?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that.
God.
You mean that national socialist Dodge Charger?
There you go.
Boom.
There you go.
There's a Charger.
You know how they named that street after her?
Did they really?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's awesome.
That's so fucking sad.
It's sad.
It's so fucked, dude.
Heather Heyer, rest in peace.
Dude.
What are these people thinking?
Where are they getting this from?
This comment specifically?
Is that what you're talking about?
The violence of the left?
Because of the Berkeley riot?
The Berkeley stuff and various Black Lives Matter protests that ended in violence that arguably exacerbated, if not outright, started by the police.
Absolutely it was, yeah.
It's so insane.
Yeah, but yeah, but this is how you show your bravery is you go fucking eat.
I'm gonna go eat there.
Well, it's brave because you don't normally ingest arugula and like quinoa, but you're willing to do it for the right cause.
But I'm willing to go places with it.
Because I can.
If it just so happens... I'm just gonna walk around the mall with my cup of... No, you order it and then you take it outside and then pace in front of the door back and forth with your cup of spinach and you make sure that the location is secure.
Infidel442 says, this is Arizona, we are a conservative state until at least the Cali cartel takes it over as that liberal virus spreads.
Because Infidel442 says, this is Arizona.
We are a conservative state until at least the Cali cartel takes it over as that liberal virus spreads.
Love that mixed metaphor.
We support our president because that's who we are, period.
The rest have migrated here, and that's right.
Fuck you, Infidel 442.
Cali Cartel coming at you.
We are the cartel.
What's up?
We're coming in there.
We're fucking up your demographics.
Deal with it.
Deal with it, Snowflakes.
Cali Cartel.
Yep, that's it.
Oh my god.
Hashtag Cali Cartel.
What is insane?
We're the Cali Cartel now, guys.
Yeah, that's cool.
Are we changing the name of the podcast?
That liberal virus.
That's cool.
I'm fine with that.
Robinson Mike, 820205.
Star leader.
Back up.
We're back up with the elite.
Says, should have stayed open.
Shoot anyone coming on your premises making threats.
Just shoot them.
I give you the go ahead.
Another just great business model.
As a star leader, just shoot them.
You can just stay open.
Stay open, but just shoot anyone wearing a scarf.
Yes.
Shoot anyone wearing, like, a man purse.
Anybody wearing a pink beanie with cat ears on it.
Have a brown bag in the front of the restaurant and have people walk by it, compare them, and then proceed.
I fucking love that.
That's just, that's just fucking human American ingenuity right there.
It's easy.
Reverting to the wild west and like having a shotgun ready.
Duh.
It should be, uh, no, how do you do that?
I'm trying to figure out a rigging system where you can string a wire across the door that only activates when soy boys come through, like at a certain height.
You know, you can just get the detection where it reads your tea count before you walk in and then it goes, you know?
It's gotta be, it's gotta involve some kind of modern technology though.
None of this, like, string, like, like, pulley system shit you're talking about.
No, what you have to do is, you keep your plates open, right?
But you have your door handles really tight.
So you have to squeeze real hard to get it open.
And that way only, only non-soyboys can get in.
Only non-millennials get in.
Only beef eaters.
You should have to have one of those love testers at the front of your restaurant.
Exactly.
And anybody who scores less than tepid romance doesn't get it.
Exactly.
Holy shit.
Donald J. Chump, one of the liberal warriors in this group, Donald J. Chump, star leader, says, more snowflake Trump supporters, the biggest cowards of all.
XY Ban, star leader, says, snow angels, my friend, for we were chosen to lead this nation out of darkness.
Whoa, he's like owning on the snowflake thing now?
We are not snowflakes, we are snowmen.
And I am their leader, Jack Frost.
Captain Jack Frost.
That's not my nose you're eating.
That's my dick.
It's like this weird combination of the Jack Frost movie and what's that Keanu Reeves movie where he's like fighting the devil?
Oh, Constantine?
Yeah, Constantine like mashup.
Yeah, he's saying that he is Tilda Swinton.
With the Patriot.
He's saying that he's Tilda Swinton.
It's fucking tight.
Love that.
Look at this nation out of the darkness.
Snow angels just owning, owning that like, you know, normally the angel is associated with like, you know, gentleness and serenity.
No.
Angels are warriors.
Archangels.
Archangels.
Gabriel.
I have a tattoo of Michael the Archangel.
Oh, I thought that was a Led Zeppelin tattoo.
Oh, man.
Disclaimer, I do not have that tattoo.
He'll never get worse either of those tattoos.
Good.
Two more comments.
Disgusted 2, as in also.
Disgusted also.
Star Leader.
Disgusted Dad.
Star Leader says, Logistics had everything to do with why this shop closed.
Too many enemies of the nation live in Tucson.
Trump supporters are happily living in Texas.
You can fly a Trump flag and people congratulate you!
A Trump flag?
Congratulations on the political alignment.
Hey, congrats!
I see you guys have a flag.
I see you've got a little money to go buy that flag.
I see you recently came up with $50 to buy that fucking flag.
Get a card in the mail.
How much is a full-size Donald Trump flag?
Probably $150.
I feel like I'm so like brain dead right now, but I don't think I've seen the Donald Trump flag.
Oh, I saw them all the time delivering specific neighborhoods.
Really?
Yeah.
That's fucked.
Yeah, you'd see a full-size Donald Trump flag next to a full-size Gadsden flag next to a full-size Blue Lives Matter flag.
I saw a Confederate flag one time covering up a hole in the side of someone's house.
That was pretty cool.
It's a metaphor.
It's a metaphor.
That it will rise again?
Or it will patch again?
Heal our wounds.
That the South will heal our wounds again?
Oh, um, the America First flag is $65.
Okay.
That's pretty crazy.
That's expensive.
You can fly a Trump flag and people congratulate you.
Oh man.
Congratulations on wasting your tax return.
Fuck.
People congratulate you.
High fives Trump as president.
I love this.
This reminds me of Birdemic.
Have you guys seen Birdemic?
Oh yeah.
Didn't we all go see the second one together?
Yeah we did.
That was awesome.
The scene in the first one where the guy makes his first million dollar sale on the phone and then he turns around in the boardroom and he's giving everybody high fives and there's like that five minute long scene of people just celebrating and dancing and high-fiving.
Like that's what I picture whenever you drive by somebody waving an American or waving an America first Flag, you get out of your car, you start blasting Accidental Racist, and you just start giving high-fives and dancing around.
Nothing gets done in Tucson.
No, nothing gets done in Texas.
They just high-five too much.
Everyone just gets out of their car and starts high-fiving each other.
Everything's bigger in Texas, including the National Pride.
Yeah.
Just move your location.
Suburbs will do.
He's not wrong.
Bubble cities are liberal fascist havens.
Get out of town.
Nazis rule the cities.
Nazis rule the streets!
Nazis streets!
No, that's fucked.
That's sad.
Come where it's safe.
Come on, we got a little thing going on over here.
Nazis are in these cities.
Nobody lives in this city who's not like, you know what I mean?
How are you this deranged and still living in this city?
Like an actual city?
You're already in a suburb.
Yeah.
Or like a rural weird place.
You've already like moved, segregated yourself as far as possible.
It's also like, you know those people in those metropolitan areas, those Nazis, come over here where everyone looks like you.
Come here where nationalism is mandatory.
Okay, last comment.
Not if you paid me.
Star Leader says, In 1985, when I swore my oath to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic, I always wondered what that domestic part would look like.
I think I have a pretty good idea now.
Yeah.
Sorry we let you down, bro.
People who do not patronize right-wing restaurants.
Right-wing, like, troll, hipster restaurants.
Okay, great show, guys.
That was awesome, yeah.
Lots of fun.
Hell yeah.
Please...
Please, if you have some time, take a second to rate and review the show.
Please.
We would really, really appreciate it.
Please tell anybody you talk to, if you enjoy this show, tell them about the show.
Have them follow it.
Word of mouth is the best way to get it out.
Yep, for sure.
Collectivize this podcast.
Share it with your community.
I just want to take a second to thank the people who have recently rated and reviewed the show.
Yeah.
Thank you to Elijah Winubust, or Winupst, I don't know.
Thanks Elijah.
He also throws in a plug for That Awful Sound, which I really appreciate.
That Awful Sound is my other podcast.
These two gentlemen are frequent guests and co-hosts.
I feel like if you would only listen to the show if you're a fan of That Awful Sound, but I mean if you haven't heard That Awful Sound, go fucking listen to that shit.
There was a really good episode this week, which is the first week of January.
We're talking about Christina Aguilera's Jeannie in a Bottle.
Jeannie in a Bottle, baby.
We went 131 episodes.
It's a podcast about the music you liked before you knew any better.
We take a song and music video from our childhoods, from a guest's childhood, and we revisit it and make fun of it, basically.
And we do it in good spirits.
It's a good time.
And that was a very fun episode.
Very sexy, very cum-filled episode.
You're gonna have to listen to find out what that means.
I like cummy.
Yeah, Shana and Michael were great guests on that, and that's one of my favorite episodes that we've ever done.
Sick.
So look that up.
That awful sound.
Probably the second most recent episode, or just listen to the most recent one.
And also, thank you to Adam in Texas!
Our boy in Texas getting high-fived on the reg, I'm sure.
I bet.
Can you send us footage of those high-five ceremonies?
I gotta see these sweet high-fives.
I wanna see it.
It's somewhere like Bay Area trunk shows.
Also send me some barbecue, please.
Like, it's the same thing as, like, people in the Bay Area doing donuts at intersections.
Yeah!
But they're trucks, and they're just high-fiving, just... A ghost riding the whip, like, same shit.
Got a Hoosier blasting in the background.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, yeah, so this is Adam.
Thanks, Adam.
Adam, shout out.
I know which Adam this is.
He's in the Facebook group, which is Minion Death Cult.
Minion Death Commandos is the name of the Facebook group.
Check that out if you're not already.
And yeah, like I said, take just five seconds.
Give us a five star rating.
We take a four star rating, you know, or whatever you think is fair.
Rate us appropriately.
What you think is appropriate.
Write to the show at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com.
Tell us what you like, tell us what maybe needs to be tightened up.
We're all ears about this shit.
Say hi if you're a new listener.
I said this on the second or third show and I haven't said it since.
Send me your family's memes.
Send me that shit.
If you're down.
Anonymously.
You can send it anonymously.
You can blur their names out or whatever.
We won't read it.
I need to see that homespun wisdom.
Anything that's really fucked, you know.
And you can do that either just by emailing or DMing on Instagram, which is MinionDeathCult.
Or tagging us in the comments.
Tagging us in the comments.
Twitter, MinionDeathCult, or that Facebook group.
That's a great way people are sharing stuff in there.
