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Dec. 27, 2017 - Minion Death Cult
01:15:58
7 - Meme Man & Deplorable Boy

Subscribe. Rate & Review. Witness MDC to your impressionable friends and family. This week we're talking about Smart Young Man-In-The-Moon Charlie Cuck from TP USA and his spicy, conservative-billionaire-funded millennial Good Boy memes. Also: Steven Crowder laments today's lack of internment camps, and we get a verifiable Smart Young Man in the Deplorables Facebook group, who is unfortunately repeatedly misgendered by his Boomer supporters.

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So the audio quality is bad this week, and I don't want to talk about it, but it'll be better next week.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-phonia today.
So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
But stay tuned, guys, and we'll show you exactly And we'll show you exactly what it looks like when the, the, the, the story of the deserts.
Follow their remarkable footsteps.
Stay tuned. - Okay, hello.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I am Matt.
Oh my god.
This is the thing you're the worst at, is saying your own name.
It's so good.
It's gotta get good though.
We're still, we're only in episode 7.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that that's the way I do it every time.
Consistency's key.
Butcher this shit.
This is your bit.
I'm Mountain Matt.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
Tony Boswell Crowder.
Tony Crowder Boswell.
God, I have the most obnoxious real name.
It's so annoying.
That's going to become important later on in the episode.
Of course, we are Minion Death Cult and we are covering politics processed through a deranged internet.
The world is ending.
Your uncle's Facebook feed is responsible.
We are documenting it.
Your uncle's a dick and he's drunk on Facebook and just saying all kinds of shit about how he supports Trump.
The good news is your uncle's gonna die.
The bad news is he's taking us with him.
Today we are talking about some of the spiciest memes I've ever seen, personally.
And these kind of blur the line between mass media and pirate Homegrown memery, you know, which is what this show kind of normally covers.
These are like memers.
These are meme lords who just got an influx of conservative cash.
We're dealing with a real think tank over here.
We literally are.
We're dealing with the product of several think tanks.
One of which is Turning Point USA, most famous for wearing diapers and rolling around in Large, adult-sized playpens in front of college campuses in order to make a very salient point about safe spaces.
And people are walking by and they're like, wow, that looks really bad.
Like, that looks terrible.
And they're like, I know, yeah, no, we're... Like, this is you.
Like, we're being you by being this terrible.
And you get it.
We're holding a mirror up to you guys, don't you see?
We're holding a stinky lollipop.
A shiny lollipop mirror to you.
We're throwing feces at each other to mimic you.
It was, they went the whole night on it.
They didn't just dress like babies, they like acted.
They like, it was, they like, oh.
They did that thing where you like sit down and like spread your legs out, like extend your legs in front of you, which is just an awkward pose for an adult.
They're like sitting really juvenile, sucking on pacifiers.
They just want like dominators and dominatrixes to come on and stomp all over them.
Yeah definitely, this is like uh...
It's just like closet fetishism expressing itself via supposed political activism.
You can only coax yourself to get into some shit like that if it is through fetishism.
You gotta have an excuse.
When your friends see you in public in diapers, you gotta say, no, it's because I'm actually a really cool conservative millennial.
That's why I'm wearing the diapers.
Like, forward-thinking conservatism.
Or like you said, Matt, when your friend opens the door, or your parents open the door, and they see a dominatrix squashing your testicles with her heel, you're like, no, my balls are the liberals allowing big government to tread on them.
Yeah.
No, these are my literal balls.
The heels are feminism.
I just imagine the heel of a stiletto going through a diaper and crushing that guy in the balls.
I think it's probably good to get your balls smashed in a diaper because then when you bleed out... Oh my god.
Yeah, so we're... Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kuck is just a...
Big ol' good boy.
What are we calling him?
We're calling him a... Swell lad?
I like smart young lad.
Smart young lad?
Smart young lad or smart young man.
Sam?
Smart young man, Sim.
Right, Sim for short.
Or Sills.
I like Sim.
He's a real mouth breather, that's for sure.
Yeah, much like, so Charlie Kirk was this kid who, before he even went to university, he took a, you know, as you often do, you take a gap year before you go to university.
You know, you graduate high school and then you take a gap year where You meet up with your billionaire right-wing investor and he gives you millions of dollars to start a think tank where you make memes targeted at millennials?
Man.
And you just get to nail it all day.
Fuck, I should have just pretended to, like, be one of those fuckers.
Got out of college and then just...
With your knowledge of trap music and death metal, you could easily be a conservative good boy.
At least pretend to be, right?
Yeah.
Get that money.
I will not judge you in the least if you just split off right now and do that.
I just want to get that money.
If anybody wants to pay me to make conservative memes, I use my real name in the podcast.
I'll take that check.
It's cool.
So, Ben Shapiro kind of, I feel like, paved the way of this recent group of smart young men.
Definitely a pioneer.
Who just really found a niche.
They're bright-faced and bushy-tailed, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed youngsters totally willing to criticize universities and party culture in order to Show boomers that they really were the best generation.
Right.
They're like the, you know, there's like the ideal minority.
There's like the good minority.
You're one of the good ones, son.
Man.
These are the good millennials.
Yep.
Basically.
These are the ones that were like ushered from Catholic school right into like a nice private university.
Yeah, absolutely.
Never saw any kind of Well, the trouble that they saw was their classmates having fun and not being invited to the fun.
And instead of shooting up a school, instead of killing their classmates, they took a much more destructive and reprehensible path and decided to write books about how schools are just intellectually weak because they all laughed at me when I talked about abortion.
Yeah, it's insane.
It's... I mean, if you see this man's face... Yeah, okay, so I'm still sorry.
I'm being long-winded about this.
We're still... I'm still telling the listener what we're talking about today.
We're talking about Turning Point and we're gonna touch on just one Steven Crowder meme because Steven Crowder really is like the gutter of Facebook with a large production company behind him.
He's offensive.
And then, uh, yeah, stay triggered, Snowflake.
Ugh, fuck.
Too bad your gender studies professor isn't here to shield you from these unsafe ideas.
Like, Steven Crowder is basically just a repository for every, uh, catchphrase that the conservative right, not even the alt-right, but just, you know, the really boring conservative right has come up with in the last four years.
He's a paid hack.
He's like a, he's a write-off for these fucking campaigns.
He wants to be Jon Stewart so fucking hard and it's so painful.
And then finally we're ending it with a truly smart young man in the Deplorables Facebook group.
Hope for the future.
Yes, hope for all of our futures who just presented himself Uh, you know, ideologically naked to this group of deplorables and he was welcomed with open arms and that's gonna be your dessert for this meal.
Kid sucks.
Let's start with one of our first turning point memes.
What do you say?
Yeah.
Let's turn that point.
How do you, how are you TP USA and you start a diaper themed protest?
Okay, which one do we want to start with here?
I'll start with the millennial one.
Oh, the sweet caricature?
Yeah, with the fucking stock photos.
Oh, the minimum wage?
Yeah, with Tommy Loren down there.
This guy with the cigarette and blue blockers?
Okay, so this is one of the rare turning points memes that doesn't actually feature Charlie Cuck in the picture, which is unfortunate because that's like, that's the hook.
You know, you insert yourself, your giant head and narrowly set eyes into this meme as a part of your branding material and then you caption it with, Way to go, Charlie!
Man, I'd rather see this than his fucking face.
Look at me.
Look at my Oxford.
Look at meme.
Check out meme.
Uh, okay.
So this one is a, uh, it's like a, it's a duplex.
It's a duplex meme.
It's a duplex meme.
So, uh, the top story is a, uh, like, this is like a, like a hipster stand-in.
It's the, uh, this is like a proto, prototypical hipster.
Greasy haired white guy, big old fanned out beard.
Big old fanned out beard.
He's wearing those like, uh, Almost like Ferrari aviator sunglasses.
They're blue blockers.
Yeah.
Oh, just that's the tint.
I think that's what they're called, yeah.
They nip the blue out.
Yeah, the shape of them is that, like, large, uh...
Aviator style that was very popular in like 2008.
So this is a hipster, somebody who was cool in 2008.
He has tattoos you can see.
And he's holding a cigarette.
He's not wearing a shirt.
He's holding a cigarette up to his mouth level, but not smoking it, but it's just so you can still see the cigarette.
It's there.
Yeah, because he's not wearing a shirt like you said.
He's got visible tattoos.
And we're seeing a bust of this man.
And the text next to him says, Can we stop pretending it's possible to live on minimum wage?
Which is a good question, you know?
It is a good question.
I can't possibly see my opinion on this being shifted just in the same meme.
But below him, divided by a thin red line, We have a blonde girl who looks like, you know, like a Marsha Brady stand-in.
Tommy Loren.
Yeah, Tommy Loren.
A little more next-door neighbor-y than Tommy Loren.
Yeah.
But definitely, yeah.
Wearing glasses and she's looking up at him.
And the text next to her says, can we stop pretending it's impossible to get a degree, a raise, or find a better job?
No Oxford comma included there, I guess.
Really showing their like, you know, grassroots and blue collar credentials.
Shunning the Oxford comma.
Actually, this is good old-fashioned writing.
Negating good grammar.
But, uh, I'm pissed because, you know, I actually have a fucking degree and I make jack shit, so whatever.
Fuck turning point.
Wasn't the whole thing about during the Obama years, he wasn't doing enough to bring jobs back and to make jobs available to people?
And this is kind of what you do.
Whenever there's a regime change, it flips like a switch.
Yeah, absolutely.
As soon as Trump comes in, these job numbers are wonderful.
As soon as Trump comes in, you just find a better job, dummy.
Oh man.
Now it's available.
And this one just really gets me, just because of my actual life right now.
And it's just so offensive.
Just stop pretending.
It's just like, oh man, I wish I could feel this way.
Stop pretending to be poor, Tony.
But let me tell you, it is not easy right now.
Fuck no, it's not, dude.
Like, I'll tell you, a bad week to lose a job is like two weeks into December.
Because... Did you lose your job?
Yeah.
Oh, bro.
Yeah.
Because it will absolutely, like, all the seasonal stuff's done.
You know, and it's like, oh, you know what though, this girl's right.
I'm not, this is my fault.
I'm sorry.
You're right, you're right, miss.
What you do for the next two weeks in December is you go get a degree.
Well, what sucks, yeah, no, all I gotta do is, I can't pull my bootstraps up because they don't count because they're vegan boots.
Right.
You can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps with vegan leather.
They're not official.
So, those boots don't count.
I gotta get ahold of boots, but I gotta pull myself up by those straps and, you know, and it's, yeah, it's, it's wild.
It's just like, wow, they're really, I want to be in that place in my life where I can pretend this doesn't exist.
Can we stop pretending it's impossible?
Okay, so we covered the degree part of it, right?
Like, just get a degree.
Easy.
Just go get a degree.
Go get it.
Get any debt for it.
Yeah, right.
Fucked.
A raise is the next in this trifecta of solutions.
The next step.
That's easy too.
You can just get those.
Just get one.
Just go to the store and get one.
Just go get a raise, you fucking idiot.
It's really easy.
I'll have one raise, please.
Thank you.
Yeah, or find a better job.
No, the job market is lovely now that the big boys are in charge.
Now that the real job makers are out there making them.
Now that they're really fostering the domestic production of goods by really making sure everyone who makes things in the states is getting taken care of.
Except that's not happening at all.
It was never supposed to happen.
Yeah, it's so crazy how these people You know, it's like, yeah, because you keep on wearing that fucking t-shirt that, you know, you keep on wearing that fucking Grunt-style t-shirt that's made in China and they're not creating jobs.
No, they're going to keep ordering from China because it's cheap and they have to keep their margins the same.
It was interesting watching them try to dance around that, like try to thread that needle of, we're bringing back American jobs, But it also is, of course, okay to cut costs by getting stuff made overseas.
Yeah.
Like whatever jobs you're referencing right now, like you're probably talking about like Trump's line of clothing, like his tie.
Exactly.
Totally.
Well those jobs, those aren't the jobs we're talking about.
You don't want to make ties.
You don't want to make ties.
It's just it doesn't make sense to make ties here, okay?
Whatever job you bring up, that's not the job they're talking about.
Plus, our American hands, they're far too large.
We're far too fat for this.
Trump's hands are just way too big.
He can't make ties.
Well, I mean, when you eat one Chick-fil-A, your hand doubles in size.
Not Chick-fil-A, uh, Filet-O-Fish, your hand doubles in size.
If you eat two Filet-O-Fishes, your hands triple in size.
These hands are still so small.
If you eat Chick-fil-A, your hand actually loses mass because the center of it has disappeared due to stigmata.
Oh man.
God damn.
There's another great overlap in sort of Contradictory logic that happens when we talk about jobs.
We talk about jobs on the right, or when the right wing talks about jobs especially.
A, the discussion is always about jobs.
It's never about wages.
No, absolutely, yeah.
It's always about jobs.
We need better, quote, better jobs.
I've never heard a wage discussion ever.
Ever.
It's intentional.
Yeah, of course it is.
But the same people who are saying Immigrants, undocumented immigrants, are stealing these jobs, are stealing these fast food jobs, are stealing these service industry jobs, and that's why we need to deport them.
Because they're taking these jobs from Americans.
However, if you do those jobs as an American, what are you, stupid?
You're not supposed to live off that job.
What was that thing they did in the South where they tried to, they put out a call saying hey like we're gonna go ahead and only hire American citizens to pick to do basically an agriculture job.
Right.
And like just no one showed up.
They just couldn't, literally it's like, you know, this happened.
Right, and that's kind of, you know, that's more of a liberal, and I mean, when I say liberal, I mean centrist.
It's more of like a centrist argument for immigration is like, we need somebody to do these bad jobs.
It's like, no, those jobs are hard, and they suck, and they should get paid.
Those people should get paid.
If you sweat, you should get paid.
Like, that's the thing.
Should we go over some responses?
Oh, yeah.
Well, just real quick, I gotta point out, it's like, we also hate this guy.
The guy in this picture?
Who?
Everyone hates that guy.
Oh, the hipster man?
Yeah, he sucks.
He's a bad man.
He's a terrible... No one's cosigning this guy, so don't pin him on us.
Well, I mean, his point is 100% valid.
And also, this guy in this picture is probably a conservative.
He looks like a dinkster.
His beard is throwing me off because it's not like a hipster beard and it's not quite a Duck Dynasty beard.
No, it's fanned out.
It's somewhere in between.
It's flat iron.
He looks like one of those date guys called...
Who made girls?
The players?
The guys with the fuzzy hats?
Oh, Neckbeard Man?
You're thinking of mystery, and there's only one of him.
M'lady?
Yeah, but what is he?
He's a... They're artists.
Pick-up artists.
Yeah, this guy looks like a pick-up artist.
Says M'lady.
Right?
This guy looks like a pick-up artist.
He looks like a slightly successful male model who probably does way too much cocaine.
Just basically this guy, you go to Shutterstock, you go to some stock photo company and you type in insufferable hipster and this is what you get.
You type in beard culture.
Totally.
You type in insufferable hipster who's 10 years late to the party and you get this guy.
His hair's like pomaded to his head.
I could see this guy in like a Rocket shirt though.
That's too niche of a reference.
That's IE local.
In 07?
Yeah, absolutely.
Only people in IE and like Japan will get it.
It'd be real weird.
Maybe SoCal if you were into hardcore back then.
Yeah, the skull lock.
The devil lock skull crossbows.
Yeah, that's Rocket.
He's wearing a small size shirt.
But yeah, juicy fucking take time.
Bring on those comments.
What about Bill Bardo?
Yeah, I'm looking for his.
I got it, can I read it?
Sweet, what about Bill Bardo's ass?
He said, uh, first of all, shave and get a haircut, moron.
And somebody might take you more seriously, pathetic snowflake.
I'm surprised that's not a doobie he's smoking in his pathetic mug shot instead of a ciggy.
Idiot.
A doobie instead of a ciggy.
He said doobie and ciggy in the same sentence.
What's so funny is how hard I would cosign that guy if it was a doobie.
Oh hell yeah.
It was really a doobie, a raw with like a fucking filter tip in it.
How about this guy's profile picture?
Oh please, I didn't... He's like sitting down in a... I'm presuming rocking chair in a tuxedo doing the finger to the temple thing.
Slick back hair.
He's actually like, he's a good looking guy.
Oh he's trying to be like a mafia god damn guy.
Or like a Nikola Tesla thinking about electricity.
Is Bardo Italian?
Barto.
I think it's like... Billy Barto.
It's Billy Barto.
I think it's whatever nationality the Simpsons are.
I think it's whatever nationality this guy is.
Barto?
God damn.
Wow, dude.
Yep.
I think he might be from Poland.
Maybe.
Are you sure that this is his picture?
It literally just looks like Don Corleone.
Is it actually Don Corleone?
I think it is Don Corleone.
I can't tell if it's Don Corleone or like Edison.
I think it's Don Corleone.
Is that a bow tie or just like a deep recess?
It's a tuxedo gentleman in a rocking chair during the finger of the temple.
Might be Don Corleone.
Possibly.
It is.
I'm surprised this man doesn't smoke the most popular drug in the world.
This idiot snowflake.
What is it?
A doobie.
Oh, a doobie.
I love bad terms for joints.
Yeah, Doobie.
My dad calls him Turkey Legs.
Turkey Legs is real good.
Or Hooter.
Hooter?
I love Hooter.
I love Hooter.
I'm using Hooter from now on.
Time for a Hooter?
Jazz cigarettes are a good one.
Jazz cigarettes are classic.
What's that kid now on the Instagram say?
What does he call him?
Big ol' doinks.
Smokin' big doinks out in Amish.
Like for some reason I co-signed that guy.
Shout out to that guy.
Smokin' big doinks.
Way cooler than Gil Bardo.
Like he surprised the meme man in this image.
I'm surprised.
This guy is such a loser.
I'm surprised he's not smoking an entry level drug.
Also, in his mind, this is a guy that was interviewed and gave this quote.
This is a real man.
This is a real person.
The meme man is real.
The person in the meme is not a stock photo at all.
Somebody probably pointed that out to Bill Bartow because we have his response here.
Shondalyn Gibson.
Oh, I'm angry about a lot of the things that are wrong in this country.
And don't be alarmed that I'm not that thick that I don't know this is a quote stock photo or something like that.
But how the hell would you know?
Did you select that photo for this post?
Quit preaching to me and your lame attempt to belittle what I said, think, or do.
What I think, say, or do is none of your business.
You stand behind your computer screen and run your mouth at me like I'm some ignorant young moron who isn't aware of what's going on.
This dude has so much resentment.
And she's working in a fulfillment center.
You stand behind your computer screen and run your mouth at me like I'm some ignorant young moron who isn't aware of what's going on.
Dude, this dude has so much resentment.
He's projecting like a motherfucker.
You, on the other hand, quote, appear to be a dyed-in-the-wool young liberal activist who thinks that your opinion is far more important than mine, hyphen, atypical liberal.
And that's where it cuts off.
That's...
Oh, God.
Dude, it's just, it's just, you can boil all conservative responses and arguments to, like, one thing.
I am just going to argue against you.
That's it.
Like against random bits of your profile picture that I might agree with on another day for another person, but today it's you and it's bad.
Exactly.
It's fucked.
It drives me insane.
Well, I mean, this is his first response.
First of all, shave and get a haircut, moron.
And then somebody has the audacity to question him and he gets all, this is just my opinion.
You're trying to belittle me for calling me a fucking idiot.
If I want to be insane and talk to meme man, I can.
Don't talk shit to me for it.
Don't make me feel bad about my insulting comment.
I just wanted to say meme man again.
It's a great thing to say.
Yeah, it has no clue.
It's like, only I get to make fun of people that aren't real today.
You don't get to make fun of me.
This is it!
He literally says... What do you say, uh... Like, he doesn't know what a stock photo is.
What I think, say or do, is none of your business.
But what you think, say or do, is completely mine.
I mean, it's definitely, like, anybody's business who's looking for just quality Facebook comments.
Obviously.
Yeah.
Well Bill Bardo, what do you think Sandy?
Maybe this makes sense.
Like, maybe he was arguing with a meme man, and she argued with him, and he's like, no, you dummy, I'm just the picture from the back of the Godfather VH.
I'm a meme man, too.
Oh my god.
I'm losing it.
None of us are real.
None of us are real.
We're going meta now, folks.
Oh man.
The Matrix was a documentary.
Oh my god.
I'm just Don Cortley on the back of a VHS player.
Hang on.
We got more in this vein that don't address the actual underlying issue about minimum wage jobs.
Nope.
They're just reacting to the way this meme man looks.
I like how Bernard Nalman is like, or maybe get two jobs.
What?
That's inhuman, LOL.
Fuck you, dude.
Two jobs sucks.
It sucks more than two jobs.
No, you should have two jobs.
Your wife should have two jobs.
Your children should have two jobs, which all are at fast food restaurants because that's the only place or they're the only, uh, you know, pool from which fast food restaurants can draw their, their employee.
Well, luckily, some fast food restaurants are open 24 hours a day.
So you can do a morning shift and a night shift.
Oh my god.
And you never see your family.
Ever.
Because they're always working.
That is so depressing.
Fuck.
That's what they want.
No, that's exactly what they want.
They just want all of us to be working all the time.
All the time, yeah.
That's what it's called.
You call it something cute like the gig economy.
And it makes it palatable.
Uber makes a billion dollars.
Ugh, that's late capitalism.
And it's just further dividing.
I can't even go to Uber.
I don't even have a nice old car.
Yeah, see?
That's fucking crazy.
Yeah.
Well, Steve Consorti has a solution to all of our problems.
He says, be creative.
Start your own business.
Oh cool, yeah I did that and now I'm fucking, now I'm in debt.
I love these solutions, these are just such simple practical solutions.
Just start Uber.
People think this too.
Absolutely, and Steve is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and his wife is wearing a lei and they just look so happy.
They probably started some sort of Hawaii business.
Dude, so I have a friend who is lucky, who is, has been doing some pretty cool things in owning businesses and being a little entrepreneur, right?
Owning businesses, like on Twitter?
No, like actual businesses.
Like making fun of them real fucking hard?
Like actual businesses, like, uh, with, you know, brick and mortars.
And we're talking, and I'm talking about just, this is while, this is while I was doing okay.
Talking about, yeah, I'd like to do these things, just, It's hard to get creative off the ground.
I don't know what to do next.
He goes, well, just start a business.
I started too.
And I was like, JK though, right?
Yeah.
He's like, no.
Oh, that's extremely unhelpful.
No, go start a business.
I'd started too.
And I get that.
Cause like, that's a mentality, you know, you know, like.
Does he have kids?
Did he have kids when he did this?
No.
Did he have money saved up?
Yeah, a little bit.
You literally have to have money to start this.
We're going to debt, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.
There was money.
We're going to debt, I guess.
Exactly.
Well, no, yeah, I got money.
I signed a loan, a personal loan from someone who liked my idea.
Yeah.
And it hasn't even taken off.
But it's like, you know, from the experience, that's not easy.
You can't just do it.
It takes work.
It's a ridiculous, insulting joke of an argument from somebody who's already retired and we're currently paying for them.
It's cool that you have that PMA.
Exactly.
Did you see, what's his face's, what's that guy's name?
Oh yeah, Bill Bardo's friend over here, Jerry L. Scott.
Yeah, I was trying to look for The previous to the one.
Okay, yeah.
Jerry L. Scott says, Quit spending money on cigarettes then.
Go back to school.
Get off your ass and make something of yourself.
Instead of a loser like you are.
This is my favorite way to look at this medium.
Like it's a picture of a guy.
This is a real person.
You're seeing everything they spend money on.
Sunglasses.
Hair gel.
Tattoos.
Tattoos.
You're buying cigarettes before shirts?
What's wrong with you?
You're tattooing yourself before a shirt?
Geez.
I love that, like, this is the avocado toast argument.
Yeah.
This is, oh, well, cigarettes cost, you know, $7.
They're $10.
Now, I guess, yeah.
In California, it depends on what state you're in.
Right, right, right.
You know, they're $10.
You smoke two packs a day, that's $20 a day.
That'll buy you a house in three years!
That's not wrong.
It's totally wrong.
God, that's so insane, dude.
What do you think they think his name is?
Because they think he's a real person.
What do you think they think his name is, Chad?
I would say, like, Dakota.
Yeah, the exact good one.
Hunter.
Hunter.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
Yeah, if that was an option, he'd do it.
If you're worried about money, why don't you stop taking all these high-resolution photos of yourself?
In a fucking studio.
Why don't you sell those studio lights?
Yeah, sell those cameras.
Why do you upload them to stockphoto.com?
Jim George has a great fucking take on this.
By the way, kudos on the name, Jim George.
Yeah, Jim George over here.
He says, you know in the movie, quote, Braveheart?
The Wild Thing Uncle says, quote, First we have to educate you before we train you to use the sword.
You must know what is right and just, for if God is with us, who can stand against us?
However, in the later days, they turn things upside down because of their sin.
So God expects us to imitate his only begotten son, become the shepherd of the flock, doomed to be slaughtered for the trafficking in the sheep.
Zechariah 11, 7, 8, 14, etc.
Wow.
So yeah, this is what you do.
You actually sacrifice yourself up for slaughter by working at McDonald's for 60 hours a week until you die.
Yo, this motherfucker's tripping out.
He's like, he's like took the time to type that out in response to the meme.
And this does, yeah, this does appear to apply directly to this meme about, uh, the minimum wage.
Dude, this dude's tripping out though.
His fucking profile picture, it says, this is the book of truth.
Yeah, in like a spooky green font.
This guy's trolling.
And he's just like looking for people to click on his shit.
See, it says at the bottom, uh, have you read the primal prophecy of the 5th century?
It's on my Facebook page after the 59 articles.
Did he count every single article he posted or is the name of his manifesto the 59 articles?
59 articles.
I saw it on YouTube.
This guy's so whack that he probably camped out in front of a theater to watch Daddy's Home 2 when it came out.
This guy's a big Gibson head.
Whenever I have a helper or somebody that I like as an acquaintance or something, and we talk about movies, Daddy's Home always comes up.
Really?
It's always a movie that they love.
That's so funny.
It's a terrible movie.
But you saw Daddy's Home 2, have you seen that?
Have you seen that?
No, no, no, no.
Oh, okay.
But have you seen the cast and everything?
Oh, do you know it exists?
I know it exists.
It's Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell.
But Mel Gibson's in it, and then who else?
Who else?
I stopped watching after that.
The other guy's dad.
Yeah, the guy's dad, I don't know who it is.
Al Pacino or something.
Mel Gibson's in and that's so fucking whack.
Trump was elected and bridged the divide between the alt-right Nazis and the hardline Jewish Zionist right and so Mel Gibson can be in movies again.
If Trump can bring those factions together, Mel Gibson can be in movies.
It's crazy Mel Gibson's in movies.
Roger Lincoln says, the guy who can't live on minimum wage seems to be able to afford tattoos and cigarettes.
Flawless logic here.
Flawless.
Talking to me man again.
And then Garrett replies, are you serious?
You realize these are stock photos, right?
And Roger Lincoln says, yes I do.
Maybe they could have come up with better stock photos instead of pictures of losers at any wage.
Alright.
This guy just like...
He was back into a corner and just lashing out.
Saying words.
Just saying words.
He's like, yeah actually I do know they're stock photos but they really nailed it.
These stock photos spoke to me.
I know that they're stock photos and I know that I'm not supposed to like the man but at least can you put somebody who's not smoking cigarettes because that's literally all I can think about.
Turning Point knows how to pick them.
Scott Logan with a Don't Tread On Me Gadsden flag as his profile picture.
My favorite fucking flag.
Best flag.
Says, it's called minimum wage for a reason.
It's meant as a minimum, not a quote, living wage.
And Jacob Holland, our boy, replies, what the fuck is more minimum than living?
Yeah?
No fucking shit.
That is so fucked up.
Dude, people can say...
No, the minimum you get to do in this society is work and then die very shortly after.
The breathing in between is icing on the cake.
The breathing in between is leased to you by General Electric.
It's so fucking true though because I don't, I mean I work and I luckily get to do the podcast, I luckily get to hang out with my girlfriend and you know I luckily, we can afford like $30 a month in like Netflix and Hulu and like we can watch that shit.
But that's it.
It's literally work and go home.
We should try to work out a scenario where, you know how like when you have solar panels and you generate more electricity than you actually use, you can sell it back to the grid?
We should do that with a podcast, like with podcasts and Netflix.
Like when we produce more entertainment than we actually consume, like Netflix should have to buy it.
Yeah, exactly.
Yes.
We'll find a balance there.
You gotta get that bill written.
Or whatever.
Whatever happens.
What happens first?
Just trying to get a Netflix sponsor.
Trying to get a sponsorship.
Okay, the next one, uh, we gotta talk about one with Charlie Cook's face.
Oh yeah, let's go to Cook, dude.
Just the one with the two quotes, maybe?
Yeah, it's just, we'll briefly talk about this because we ran long on the previous one.
We gotta get to our deplorable boy.
Oh yeah, the boy.
But Charlie Cook, man, his face is almost indescribable.
You described it best, Tony, with just moon face.
Yeah, very moon face.
He's the moon face boy.
If you google moon face boy, his face comes up.
It's not unlike Dwight Schrute's face.
This dude, this kid, this boy.
He's a little boy.
Smart young boy.
Like not only did he start this company that is, you know, the whole pitch of this idea is He just zoomed in on his face and I couldn't help but laugh.
Okay, you gotta at least narrate what you're doing.
Oh yeah, I just zoomed in on fucking Cook's face and it's just his mole and just his face.
He has that face, he looks like he's always going, like always like scoffing.
It's a face that looks like he's trying to blame you for his fart.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Come on.
It's just a punchable fucking face.
I hate his face.
Right.
You said you were so stoked to do him because you were like, I've never seen anybody with such a curb-stompable face.
I had to slow you down and I had to say, no, Matt.
On this show, we want to examine his ideas and then curb-stomp his ideas.
Yeah, his ideas.
We're going to intellectually curb-stomp him.
To the curb with your ass.
Intellectually.
He looks like he's got his fucking mouth hanging open.
It looks like he had his bottom teeth removed so he could just mouth breathe all the time.
All the time.
He looks like, if anybody's familiar with the Venture Brothers, he looks like Billy Quiz Boy.
Absolutely.
Boy genius.
But like, specifically when he gets halfway enlarged to the size of a normal man.
And he's just this lanky man with an 80 year old boy face.
Dude, that's such an obscure fucking reference from like 10 years ago.
It's so on point.
It's so on point.
He has a forehead that he justifies with higher intelligence.
Exactly.
But yeah, so the quotes are just tertiary at this point, but it's the post office, VA, and DMV are all broke and run horribly, dot dot dot, and the left wants the same people to run healthcare?
I just want to say real quick, this is all we have to say about it.
The post office is only quote broke because of deliberate attempts by Congress to underfund the post office and to make the post office cover its obligations in terms of pensions and other benefits like 70 years into the future.
It has to have the money now.
Which no other business operates like that because of the fucking Vultures in Congress desperately want to privatize the post office.
Yeah, this is their way of Getting memes like this made.
Yep.
Well, they're trying to they're trying to kill Suffocate them to the point where they have to privatize.
Yeah, absolutely.
And the post office is like notable for its Good paying wages and also it's like a There's a fairly high quotient of minority employees who have been lifted out of poverty because it's a well-paying job.
It's one of the few well-paying jobs left around.
And they desperately want to privatize it.
It's very scary.
It'll be the same way with people delivering Amazon packages.
So fuck this boy who didn't even go to college and decided to take the easier route and shit on college and make a million dollars.
Charlie Kirk is literally the founder of Turning Point USA, and it says so right here on this meme.
Charlie Kirk, founder, Turning Point USA.
And I guarantee that the caption with which this was posted on Facebook was, Way to go, Charlie!
Typed out by somebody who was paid by Charlie Kirk.
Excuse me, Charlie Cuck, to type this.
Man.
What bums me out is this guy's like, I have a website.
That's pretty much where it ends, right?
Except he's commodifying it.
And I'm like, damn, I need to take that exact model.
They might produce policy?
I doubt it.
I think they just produce memes.
Can I produce policy?
Can I do that?
It's just a propaganda tool.
It really is.
It's all it is.
The idea behind this, like I said before, is I'm a millennial.
I know how these kids think.
Let me do your talking for you.
Exactly.
And it's literally the only demographic this appeals to are baby boomers.
Yep.
We can all look at it and see it for what it is.
This guy's a fucking idiot.
We want to beat the shit out of him.
This is like the biggest echo chamber bullshit and he's making millions of dollars for it.
Because he's funded by some billionaire, right?
He's literally funded by the guy who funded Santorum's campaign?
That old fucked up, like, hate-filled dork who said that women don't need birth control because they can just hold an aspirin between their knees?
Oh, I remember that quote.
Luckily I don't remember this asshole's name, but... Yeah, it would be like if a clown without makeup gave that line.
Like he's not at all intimidating or No, none of these guys are dude.
They're all fucking nerds.
He's like a bow tie dipshit.
Turning points like Bizarro rock the vote.
Wow.
Yeah, Yeah, exactly.
It's not MTV funding it.
It's not Diddy funding it.
It's some crazy old curmudgeon bigot.
It's just one person.
Some old bigot who hates women.
Not Diddy.
Exactly.
It's crazy.
Yeah, instead of vote or die, it's vote and die.
Vote and die.
What I'm saying is, Diddy, if you want, we can do Ciroc memes yesterday.
Fuckin' A.
Real name is in the podcast.
Go ahead and hit me up.
Send a case.
He'll share with me.
It's tight.
Okay, so next one we want to talk about Steven Crowder a little bit.
I tried to kind of jam Crowder in with this crowd.
He kind of stands alone.
He's like a failed comedian who makes Dane Cook look just...
Extremely insightful and measured and witty.
Yeah.
This guy's a fucking asshole.
We have to watch the video at some point where they test the Amazon Alexa and try to get it to say liberal things to act like it's been programmed when really the Amazon Alexa just reads the internet for you.
Yeah, it's real easy.
And there's a lot of good cringe and there's a lot of good racism in that one.
That's awesome.
But this one, I just, we need to read it.
We need to go through this one.
So this is another, I guess the way that this fits in is because Steven Crowder has insisted on putting himself in this meme.
And he's gazing off serenely in the meme.
Yeah he is.
And his biceps are displayed prominently.
Because that, you know, that's his thing.
Like, this dude.
Like, Monday, Wednesday, Friday are bicep days.
Are arm days.
He looks like Harley from Boy Meets World.
Like a shitty greaser, basically.
A 90s greaser, a tamed greaser. - But he's also got a boy face.
He's a big boy face. - He's a swell boy.
Yeah, he's a smart young boy. - Oh, he's also displaying his wedding ring pretty prominently, I noticed that. - He's on some blue collar cosplay.
And I feel like he's displaying his wedding ring because it's not a rainbow.
It's not a rainbow wedding ring.
It's just your average gold wedding ring.
So we know he shares our values.
Right.
He doesn't have the gay wedding ring.
No, not that one.
It's just a normal wedding ring.
The gay one.
The text says... God, this is fucking amazing.
If Pearl Harbor happened today, we'd have to deal with hashtag AxisLivesMatter.
So this is like, A, just who is this for?
This is for people who remember what the Axis is.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, we all studied that in high school, but it's not exactly relevant unless it was your only moment of glory.
That's for 70 years old people.
And like, basically we do have Axis Lives Matter.
It's Blue Lives Matter.
Okay, so Blue Lives Matter was a response to Black Lives Matter.
Of course it was, but it's fascist though.
Absolutely, it's totally fascist.
This is a response to Black Lives Matter, I guess?
Which is Steven Crowder, honestly enough, admitting that we are currently at war with black people.
Yeah, he's saying that, yeah.
Well, as you know, he's probably loosely related to one.
Myself.
And the first thing about it is you do not identify with your enemy.
You do not humanize your enemy because that makes them harder to kill on camera in public.
Right.
What's really crazy about this is like, actually dude, that would have happened because you know who didn't remember that time very well?
Japanese Americans.
Who were put in camps.
This is great.
Way to evoke one of the worst moments in American history.
One of the most shameful policies in order to make your point about Either is this really about Black Lives Matter or is it about war in the Middle East and Muslims?
I have a hard time understanding it.
I think anytime it says matter it's going after BLM.
I think so too.
Hashtag blah blah blah.
The analogy would work better if he was talking about ISIS or something and how we're too afraid to criticize Islam.
That would make more sense with this analogy.
Well, I think we've just come to the conclusion that it's just a horrible, horrible joke.
Like, not even funny.
Yeah, he's just a fucking idiot.
Do you think that he's either insensitive or ignorant to the fact that these things happened?
I think it might be a combination of both.
I think he's trying to be edgy.
I think he's trying to get both.
He tries really fucking hard to be edgy if you watch any of his material.
Yeah, he's just yelling the whole time.
And also some not-so-subtle ethnocratic policies.
Is that a word?
Ethnocentric?
Yeah, no, it's true though.
If liberals had been around during Access Lives Matter or during World War II, they totally would have set up politically correct internment camps.
They totally would have rounded up all the conservatives and put them in camps for being politically correct.
Wasn't that what Obama was doing with the Walmarts?
That's what he was going to do.
He's still gonna do that.
I read a random comment about how Obama's new plan is to become the head of the UN.
Because that's an option.
Yeah.
Because you have to have Obama still active and doing something to ruin your life.
That's an A-plus backwoods redneck thought process right there.
That's bad.
But yeah, Steven Crowder, you can like, go fuck yourself.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
You're such an ignorant piece of shit.
Dude, he's a dick.
Like, it's crazy.
The fact that he has a following is even crazier.
He doesn't have as much of a following as TPUSA, which started like a year or two ago, and is even more boring than this shit.
Okay, let's read some comments from this.
Yeah.
Because they were good.
In the comment section about the minimum wage, one of the top comments was, uh, Jeremy Casper says, can we stop pretending like you deserve the fruits of somebody else's labor?
Oh, so audacious.
They're so close.
They're so close to getting it.
Yeah.
But just, wrong side.
Oh my god.
You, you not, you don't deserve the fruits which are the wage Of somebody else's labor, which is your boss.
And your boss just creates money out of nowhere, and you don't deserve the fruits of his magical labor, magical wealth-creating labor.
You mean the money that he had to make the money that he has?
That's what that is.
It's hard labor that those dollar bills do.
Could you imagine, like, suffering from ethical dyslexia?
Just like, no, no, I have it, I'm just totally backwards.
I see that, yeah, I see that comment made so frequently about, like, welfare and other things.
And even, yeah, even with wages, like, you don't have the right, or property rights, you know, you don't have the right to steal the fruits of my, and it's like, no, that's literally what your boss does every single day.
He takes your labor and turns it into profit for himself.
He pays himself, and then he pays himself even more.
Exactly.
Okay, so back to this Axis Lives Matter meme.
David Littleford says, No, the statement is wrong because the Axis powers, parentheses, other than Japan, were all white.
And we know that it is perfectly fine to demonize white people.
So the hashtaggers could still spew hatred towards the Axis powers and sip their Starbucks in flannel shirts during the middle of summer.
So this dude is literally condemning hashtaggers, millennials, I guess, internet users in general, condemning them in this hypothetical scenario where these millennials don't like Nazis.
Do you get that?
Do you get how amazing that is?
It's... The fact that they can think... It's disturbing that they let it get out of the tips of their fingers on the keyboard and at no point do they think it over.
Uh, no, uh... Maybe I don't get it, right?
We don't get it is the truth.
It's just a total and utter lack of, like, self-awareness.
Yeah.
At all.
I bet these hipsters, like... No, they're totally fine with criticizing John Wayne Gacy because he was white.
Yeah.
Trust me, white people are getting dragged all day.
It's like, get out of here.
Why are people okay with fascism now?
I don't fucking understand this shit, dude.
Because we're already a pretty fascistic country.
Yeah, we've just been going there for a long fucking time.
It's weird, we almost have, you know when we had the party flip, you know?
Yeah.
When the ideals kind of switched over, we talked about it before.
I feel like it's almost happened now because I feel like these people who are spewing this stuff, who are spewing this whole like, you know, Uh, weird nationalism thing.
They, for some reason, they fuck with communism?
Like, Trump would be blacklisted.
Redlisted.
He would have been put on that list of communists.
Because he, you know, his whole cabinet would have been there because he does dealings with Russia, right?
Right.
He would have been the enemy of the state.
Yeah, but Russia's not communist anymore.
Yeah, I know.
Russia's like oligarchical capitalism.
And that sucks.
They are.
And that sucks, but because...
Those same people would have been calling, you know, Trump, like, oh, he's a fucking pinko.
Right, but see, you can't, like, use that argument because it doesn't mean anything to them.
Yeah.
They just say things when it will possibly win an argument.
Right.
You know?
Only to attack.
Only to attack and, like, There's no core value there.
Because I would have loved to have jumped on that if that would have become a popular, you know, thing.
That's why I don't like when, you know, the left tries to spin it around and say, oh, Trump?
Oh, you mean Mr. Russia or Mr. Communism?
Oh, Comrade Trump?
Yeah, Comrade Trump.
It's like, no, those are left values.
Yeah, those are extremely, those are far left values.
Communist values are left values and you're not doing anyone a favor by trying to brand it negatively with Trump.
But that's the thing, I'm surprised they... Putin isn't a communist.
Fuck no.
Putin is a fucking fascist.
He's a fucking dirty, flimsy fascist.
Dirty, dirty, dirty fascist.
Yeah.
But I just love this.
Man, even these latte-sipping millennials would hate Nazis.
In the middle of summer, drinking their Starbucks in the middle of summer.
Any dog can make flinted drinks.
Frappuccinos are dope in the middle of summer.
That's true, that's delicious.
This is an amazing comment.
Kathy Loporto says, in a sad way, I'm kind of grateful that most of those who fought so hard in World War II are not around to see what we've allowed to happen to this country for which they battled so hard.
Sorry, Dad.
Fuckin' guys.
Sorry, Dad, but it's better this way.
Uh-oh!
I'm happy enough to see this.
God!
Her dad would probably slap her.
Actually, probably the sorry dad is for letting the country go this way, but I like to think she's apologizing for wishing his death on him.
Yeah, right.
Sorry I killed you, but it was worth it.
Sorry I held a pillow over your wrinkled face.
Sorry that you couldn't pay for your medical bills to keep you in a better hospice for longer.
Okay, last one on this one.
Nikki Jo Osteen says, quote, so this is like what would happen if Pearl Harbor happened while Obama was in office.
Nikki Jo Osteen says, quote, not all Japanese people are bad.
"There are a few bad apples that hijacked the Japanese culture." "Japan is woven into the fabric of our founding." So this is like the insane bullshit that Obama would spew if Pearl Harbor happened today about not all Japanese people being bad.
Oh.
Yeah, that's, that's, that's actually, yeah, that's, that's true.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, that's not a thing at all.
Wow.
What a fucking pussy, not like outright condemning an entire race of people.
Yeah, what a, what a sissy.
I like people that roll the dice.
No shit.
They really go all in.
Okay, finally, last thing we gotta talk about.
You got time, Matt?
This is gonna be a doozy.
I'm gonna have to dip out in a few minutes, but I gotta hear you read this.
This is our boy.
This is our new boy.
This is the boy.
We had other boys before.
We had Paul Joseph Watson, who was our soy boy.
We had Charlie Cook.
We had Charlie Cook.
I hope he comes back.
We found a better one.
We got a better boy.
Here's the future.
This is the future boy.
And it is Tristan, I'm going to withhold his last name because he literally is a boy.
Oh yeah, he's underage.
I was going to say, you should give this kid the notoriety he deserves.
He's got 571 likes in this Deplorables group.
Nice.
Pretty good.
He says, should we describe his picture first?
It's a phenomenon!
Yeah, young Tristan.
He's a young, baby-faced...
Uh, Hispanic, Latino, he's got like some fluffy bang type hair.
His hair is combed, he's got a mushroom haircut that's combed straight forward.
He looks like he's tapered up the sides, but he's got this like funny beard with like a soul patch connecting to it.
He has very 16-year-old facial hair.
Yeah, but it also looks a little thick for him being a 16-year-old.
But it's the reverse Hitler.
It doesn't meet in the middle because that's how tolerant he is.
That's how American he is.
And he's got a fucking chicken on his... Brown chicken on his goddamn shoulder.
Literally a brown chicken perched on his shoulder.
Out in the field.
Conservatives love to have birds on their shoulders.
I really thought it was a hawk at first.
I thought it was a falcon for sure, but it was not.
Brown chicken.
Okay, he writes... Tristan writes... To the deplorables.
I am a 16 year old Donald Trump supporter.
And no, I don't support him because of my parents or my education.
Your high school education would indicate that you would support Trump.
Yeah, that's a good indicator.
Or maybe he actually did go to Trump University.
And despite that, that's not the reason he loves Trump.
Not like the rest of those high schoolers.
I support him because I have my own values and thoughts.
So far, perfect reason.
And he stands with most of them.
My 15th birthday I was made to get a job.
I know a lot of people start sooner, but I had to wait until it was legal and not under the counter.
A lot of people start sooner.
All my jobs are over the counter.
Yeah.
They pay me on top of the counter.
I produce DayQuil.
Yeah.
So I work this job and see tax taken out.
Then I see people with fancy clothes and nice jewelry using EBT cards and that upsets me.
Okay.
This dude literally saw like a meme of that.
Yeah.
He saw some video of one person doing this.
Exactly.
I see people on the streets screaming and yelling for equal rights with gender.
While in the Middle East women can be killed if they wear raped.
They aren't allowed to drive.
They aren't allowed to drive.
I like how those are on the same plane.
If they get raped, they get murdered.
When you're 16, driving is pretty important.
They also can't drive.
If you're raped, you get killed.
If you think that's bad enough... You can't drive.
If you're late.
They can't even smoke cigarettes.
Dude.
Can't look at porno.
Can't go on the internet.
By the way, Tristan's cover photo, I should say, was of his just absolutely cherry Ford Explorer.
Yes!
What year do you think it was?
1996?
Holy shit!
98 maybe?
Damn, I'd be stoked to have that thing.
I got a 95 out front, so.
Imagine, I had the 93 Ford Explorer that was great.
Just taking pride in your vehicle like that.
That's something that these EBT users don't do.
Well, no, wait, I'm mixing my metaphors.
No, they do put rims on their vehicle using the EBT card.
So they have a nicer ride.
See, his is a humble, American-made Explorer.
Exactly.
If he needs a guy that takes EBT for rims, I know a guy.
Everybody knows a guy.
I can turn it into Bitcoin.
I can turn your EBT into Bitcoin and I'll get you those rims.
If you go to the right person, you can take your wick and get screens installed in the back of your headrest.
Damn, son.
Which really is for your children, when you think about it.
Yeah.
For them to watch Caillou on.
They have no education.
What?
He said Caillou's sick.
I said, no he's not.
I don't know what that is.
Caillou's a little cartoon.
He's just a sweet little kid.
Sweet little blond.
Oh, that's Caillou, pronounced correctly.
No, it's Caillou.
I know, it's Caillou, but pronounced correctly.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't know why I'm talking about this.
I'm sorry.
I've never heard that word said out loud.
Yeah, it's Caillou.
It's a cute show.
Caillou!
Back to these women being raped.
Back to these hypothetical women being raped in this 16-year-old's wholesome Facebook post.
They have no education.
People are going to complain here because of quote, catcalling, yet women in other countries are murdered because they were raped.
Again, that's how much it happens.
It happens so much you gotta put it twice in your one Facebook post.
Come on, what's more important?
Really?
Donald Trump stands his ground for what he believes in, and he is stern and tough about it.
And stern is capitalized for something, so it's either, like, either this kid's typing Bear Stearns or Howard.
Yep.
Yeah, Howard, yeah.
He's searching for Howard on YouTube.
Dude gets all his politics from the source.
Howard Stern.
All of his naked women blurred out boobs on Howard Stern.
Sound action, too stern?
To tell it like it is, is too stern?
Yeah.
I support him, Donald Trump, because he supports me.
Trump 2020.
Like I said, 571 likes.
This was literally posted yesterday, so I'm sure it'll have much more.
Yeah, I wonder how many more it has now.
This kid did this before he went to school.
6.45am.
But God, this is just like a per- this is a perfect example of what we've been talking about.
This is a, like a, What's not quite sacrificial, 16-year-old?
It's just an offering.
He offers himself up.
He's offering himself to the boomer generation so that they may sup from his... His tiny wiener?
And get his organ energy?
His wiener of morals.
His wiener of values.
But yeah, also his little boy energy.
Yeah, they need his energy.
Patty Grandstaff, which is just a great name, says, Oh Patty!
My grandchildren are Trump supporters too.
I'm sure they are, Patty.
Cool.
Not a shocker.
Don Simpler, this is great.
I'm already getting into this.
Don Simpler says, You are a mature and smart young lady.
Which is an unfortunate side effect of posting in a boomer-centric group is that, like, at least 70% of them have cataracts.
Yeah.
Well, like, Tristan is a unisex name, too, but I guess maybe that generation only women were named Tristan?
But it's also, there's a profile picture.
There is.
And also, why do you have to try that?
Why don't you just leave that part alone?
No, because it has to be gendered.
It does, yeah.
It must be gendered.
If you're hanging out with chickens like that, you must be a lady.
I said it was an old man made that comment?
Unfortunate facial hair, young lady.
No, that was Dawn, which is definitely a woman's name.
Oh, Dawn.
How's it spelled?
Like the dish soap?
Yeah, like the dish soap.
Okay, yeah, that's a lady.
You are a mature and smart young lady, Hart.
Wow.
Tristan must have felt so conflicted when he saw that.
Yeah, that's weird.
Let me get more of these.
Well there's the one that's almost like the episode, the title episode from Sandy Gaylor.
Okay, go ahead.
It just says smart lad.
That's it.
Well, Sandy Lopp says, well done young lady, with that attitude you won't be easily fooled.
What's happening here?
You'll be easily fooled.
You won't be easily fooled.
Does that mean like... It means you'll totally be able to tell what's on screen in front of you, whether it's a young boy or a flawed liberal argument.
Oh my god.
What if this is a group of really funny people though?
What if they're like...
Older people who have another chat going on like, hey let's call this little boy a girl and see what he does.
Let's just all do it.
They're all messaging each other.
They're all trolling this guy.
I would love that.
They're all just gaslighting Tristan.
That'd be hilarious.
To the point where Tristan maybe does think that they're a girl.
Mary V. Schmidt says, thank you young lady.
Be who you are.
Not what society tells you what they think you should be.
He's tacitly endorsing trans rights, I believe.
They're all gaslighting him.
There's a much better version of this podcast happening in a retirement center somewhere.
They're just crushing it.
What was I going to say?
Yeah, I love just like, you're like, oh man, you know, I'm a Trump supporter.
I get fucking dunked on by, by my classmates every single day.
Like going to school is literally hell for me.
I'm going to post in the Deplorables Facebook group to make myself feel good.
This is, this'll be like shooting fish in the barrel.
571 validations.
- 571 validations. - And just half of them call you a young lady.
Like honestly, it's worse than it's an honest mistake.
They're not even making... I mean, I wish they were making fun of him, but they're not even doing it.
He'd probably kill himself.
It just gets misgendered in the comment section of the Deplorables group.
And Deplorables can't be, they cannot, you know, be, stand, never mind.
Forget this.
It's just great because you know that, that's not the bad thing, but he can't take that.
No.
There's no way his poor little man ego could take this.
It's just crushing.
I just picture him being crushed with every new comment.
Just one little chunk chiseled out of his head.
This is such a theme though, like you're a mature and smart young lady.
Mary Beth Davis, you are wise beyond your years.
It's all just, you're a smart kid.
Smart kid.
Like these are the only adjectives these people use.
I was thinking about it when we were talking about the Sarah Huckabee Sanders thing and how bizarre it is that they're all calling her gorgeous.
You know, when really the meme is about how, you know, that fake viral story is about how quick-witted she is and how sharp and how cutting these observations and these remarks are, but it's just the only way you can compliment a woman is by calling her gorgeous.
- Yeah. - This is a compliment to her.
And this is the Trump phenomenon in general.
It's beautiful.
Look at this beautiful reporter here. - And like, for example, a teenager, like you validate the confused teenager, like, no, you are smart.
You're a smart kid.
Right, he didn't make any logical argument in this post.
They agree with what he said, but their only method of... their only way of expressing that is to say, smart kid.
Like, smart is good.
You're smart.
It's all a good punch on the shoulder.
It's a little punch on the shoulder.
These are just people resistant to change and they're just...
I don't know.
They're going to get left in the dust.
Well, they're going to be dust.
They are.
Pretty soon.
Everybody.
I love how rarely are there profile pictures or anything.
They're usually American flags or a symbol of some conservative organization.
You like when that happens?
Sorry, I didn't hear the first part.
I like it when they just have a symbol.
Like an American flag.
Or just like text.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
How do your family members find you?
No, you find them.
You definitely do.
Yeah.
They don't go searching.
Yeah.
Kathy Laquitara says, You give me hope for your generation.
My kids had jobs at 16, etc, etc.
Tristan replies, I bought my car as well.
I pay insurance, my own phone bill, my mom gives me what I need, basic food, clothes, home, etc.
You know, all the stuff that actually costs money.
Yeah.
Like I know you're proud of your 93 Explorer, but it costs like Uh, 800, maybe?
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he pays his fucking, his hundred dollar phone bill.
But again, this is like him, this is like him visiting the old lady on his street to get some cookies.
That's what this whole post is.
I bought my car.
Did you guys know?
I pay my insurance.
Can you believe I did all that with no overhead?
Isn't that crazy?
I feel bad for this kid because he's just looking for validation.
And then, this is good, uh, but if my shoes get messed up and I want new ones, I buy it.
If I want a pup, I buy it.
If I want extra food, I, again, buy it.
Wow, you buy extra food?
Dang.
Let's roll out the red carpet for the man who buys extra food for himself.
On top of what his mom buys him.
I support my own snacking habits.
Holy fuck!
No snacks for me!
Thank you.
I buy my own.
I have literally just had tunnel vision because I was tripping out on what this kid's saying!
And what we're talking about!
This kid is fucked!
And it's taught me good ethics and morals.
It's exactly how I'll raise my kids as well.
And the cycle of violence continues.
Live inside a dream, to quote Laura Palmer.
This is insane.
This is me sort of like interrupting the experiment that we're conducting on this podcast.
I did a bad thing.
I put my thumb in the petri dish here.
I reply.
Okay, what did you say, Tristan?
Well, it wasn't to Tristan, it was to Julianne Wood Toes.
Wood Toes, huh?
It's three words.
Again with the feet.
Julianne Wood Toes, but toes is spelled T-O-E-W-S.
She says, all caps, SMART BUT WORK ON YOUR SPELLING ALLOWED NOT ALLOWED.
Oh boy.
And Bias Michelle replies, we are not PC here.
We don't care if someone makes mistakes.
We have bigger things to worry about.
This is what PC has become.
PC is literally when you do things right.
Yeah.
Like when you do something correctly, that's PC culture run amok.
Oh my god.
We don't need to spell around here.
We don't need no maths.
Driving on the right side of the road is for PC Snowflake libtards.
Yeah.
This person is ushering in that era, though.
Single-handedly.
And then Julianne Woodtoes replies, Correct.
Spelling shows your education.
It can only be an asset going forward.
College apps, job apps, etc.
This was a remark To be helpful, not PC, I would not hire a person who could not spell for a number of reasons.
Which, that person's right.
Yeah.
And then she also says, just a suggestion going forward, he has a long life ahead.
It's all caps.
All caps.
And then I replied, in all caps, hey Julianne, it's spelled toes, T-O-E-S, not T-O-E-W-S.
She didn't reply.
That's amazing.
Dude, you know what's funny?
I had a friend break up with me this morning over a... I texted him in all caps because I was real annoyed.
And he was like, fuck you.
Like, no.
You don't all caps me.
I'm blocking you on everything.
We made up by the end of the day.
But it was really funny.
It was like, no.
You don't... He's like, no.
Too much energy.
I'm not trying to fill all those caps.
And then Susan Jones in a different thread says, like her own comment, says, You give us older folks hope.
Thank you for using reasoning the good Lord gave you.
American flag, MAGA, American flag.
And then Julianne Woodtoes replies, Thanks, I am not the best speller.
That honor goes to my twin.
I took the math path.
I often look up words that don't look right.
Lowercase w. When I was dating my hubby, lowercase i, kept a dictionary by my phone.
Smiley face, smiley face.
Oh my god.
How long were you dating your hubby?
Was the dictionary not on your phone?
Facebook in a nutshell right there in that comment.
Fuck.
My keyboard's sticky.
My caps lock is stuck.
This one is great.
Chris says, with young people like you, it gives us older folks... Tristan replies, thank you.
I just see things in the most logical way, and so does Donald Trump.
I am attacked every day by teachers.
I only have one pro-Trump teacher.
The rest, like, attack me.
Ask me questions I cannot answer, for example.
My US history always says, so Tristan, when is your president building the wall?
I thought he was going to drain that swamp, etc, etc.
It's like, first of all, he's our president.
Owned.
Owned.
Boom.
Logic.
Infallible.
And if you don't accept him as our president, you're not American.
That just shows your intellectual weakness.
I like how sassy he wrote this.
And I don't have the answer to those questions.
Not at the moment, at least.
Yeah.
There's eight likes on that.
Hell yeah.
I love his honesty.
I don't have the answer to these questions.
Yeah.
It is so wonderful to from a young man with morals and brains.
Thank you, sir.
You are a very smart kid.
Wonderful to see a smart kid for a change.
Good for you.
Can you imagine taking a test and writing, just in all caps, I don't know, and then expecting credit for that answer?
Because that's how this guy's living his life.
Well, fuck you Tristan, because you are the failure of our generation.
You're not going to do anything to help us?
I don't know.
I think she's a beautiful, smart, young lady.
Who's going places?
Yo Tristan, who hurt you?
Like who hurt you?
This is fucked up.
Christy Pinkett says, you have a fine mind, Tristan.
Sherry Du Plessis Ackerman says, Tristan, can I adopt you?
Ew.
You are disciplined and wise.
President Trump would be very proud of you.
You have the values he has taught his own children.
Which is technically true, like just blind hero worship of their father Donald Trump.
Alright, that's it for the show.
Shoutout to Junior.
Shoutout to Junior.
Shoutout to our new boy.
Shoutout to our lovely boy.
Sweet young lady.
Sweet young Tristan.
We love you little girl.
We love you Tristan.
Contact us, MinionDeathCult at gmail.com, at MinionDeathCult on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
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You know that deplorable boy Tristan?
Well I got a podcast that makes fun of him.
That boy.
Here come that boy.
Alright, thanks for listening guys.
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