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Dec. 20, 2017 - Minion Death Cult

01:21:35

6 - Christmas 2: The 2nd Cummening

SUBSCRIBE. RATE AND REVIEW IN ITUNES. WITNESS MINION DEATH CULT TO YOUR WEAK-WILLED FRIENDS AND FAMILY. This week we're talking about Christmas, our dealmaker in chief recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Only Israel, and how, according to Facebook, this means the second coming of christ is right around the corner. Trump gave him the OK!

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	I think it's just going to keep happening for everybody.
	No, you can't say that to me right now.
	It's done happening.
	I'm a super negative person and I'm surprised people enjoy me being around at all.
	I'm just kidding, I'm not really that negative.
	I'm surrounding you for the free wax.
	Oh yeah, this will suck.
	I'm forcing myself to be around you through a podcast just to see if it gets any easier.
	That was that cough.
	You made a really good face before that.
	Disgruntled cough.
	I wish I was funnier.
	I'm sorry.
	I think you just nailed comedy.
	I think I did just nail comedy.
	I think I just nailed our intro.
	I think my thesis was good.
	I'm sorry.
	You just comedied real hard though.
	That was really perfect.
	That was... not good.
	Thanks for only blowing dab smoke in my face and not fart smoke.
	Not blowing it out my ass at ya.
	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
	So stay tuned.
	We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	Stay tuned, guys.
	We'll show you exactly what it looks like when the...
	It's going to get you.
	All their environment full-step.
	Stay tuned.
	Yeah. - Yeah.
	I'm Alexander Edward.
	I'm Ring-Rong, I mean Mountain Matt.
	I'm Tony Boswell.
	I should do that again, I'm sorry.
	I won't do that.
	Are you sure you don't want Ring-Rong in there?
	Is this like a Crank Yankers prank phone call that we aren't in on?
	The dab's kicking in.
	Looks like an extended Andy Kaufman bit that you started 15 years ago.
	Looks like I ring the wrong number.
	Thanks for making that funny.
	Yeah, I'm Alexander Edward.
	I'm Mount Matt.
	I'm Tony Boswell.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	And today we are joined by longtime friend, first-time guest, frequent listener, I'm sure, Michael Tesoro.
	How you doing, buddy?
	I'm well.
	How are you all?
	We're very well.
	Cheers.
	Especially since, you guys hear about this?
	Oh yeah, this is perfect timing.
	We did it, guys.
	We took down Roy Moore.
	We took back the country!
	I heard, actually, we did.
	I heard a lot of people listen to the show.
	Yes.
	And they were like, let's take care of this.
	They were inspired by y'all.
	This is our first victory.
	It feels good.
	It took us a few episodes.
	But we graduated, guys.
	We're there.
	Congratulations to Alabama.
	You're welcome.
	And this week on the show, we're talking Christmas.
	Yeah, because it's time.
	We're saying Merry Christmas again.
	Deal with it.
	Yeah.
	Merry Christmas.
	Ivanka said Happy Holidays, though.
	Did she?
	How do we feel about that?
	Well, she realized how awkward it was to just say Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas at the same time.
	She converted.
	She gave up her right to say Merry Christmas.
	I'm looking at that official email that you sent us.
	Oh.
	Like a real ass email from the Trump-Pence campaign.
	For some reason, Trump-Pence campaign still emails people.
	Yeah, well to sell shit.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Have you ever given your email address away?
	That's what happens.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I get, I still get, I've never subscribed to any type of Trump email, but I get them all the time.
	I think that my family submits my, them and NRA, I get both.
	It's not a thing, I don't, you know, For some reason, those two I can't unsubscribe from.
	I've done it a million times, but they give different forms all the time, and I'm pretty sure that my family submits my email, like, all the time.
	If it's more than a three-step process to unsubscribe, I'm just... I'm in for the long haul.
	Yeah.
	Do they think it's funny?
	No, I think they actually think... I think they actually, like, are trying to care.
	They're trying to convert you.
	They're trying to, like, show me the truth.
	Shit.
	Yeah.
	That sucks.
	No, they're not that funny.
	Yeah, so not only are we talking about Christmas, and appropriately enough, we're also talking about the second coming of Christ.
	Yeah.
	Talking about the first coming, the original Christmas, we're able to say Christmas just in time for the sequel.
	Yeah.
	We'll be saying Merry Christmas 2.
	Part due.
	Because the United States just recognized Israel as the official One and only capital, or Jerusalem rather, as the official one and only capital of Israel.
	No other states, just Israel.
	There'll be a new Christmas now.
	So like, next year, there'll be a new Christmas.
	Yeah, like you said, Christmas part two.
	The returning.
	Yeah.
	Which I heard you can only celebrate once because I think after that it's like done, right?
	Uh, not for us.
	Oh.
	Yeah, no, we get to stay and enjoy both Christmases.
	Yeah, I don't think we get, um... The, uh, the unlucky few actually ascend to heaven and no longer get to celebrate.
	Dude, I'm stoked that we get to stick around, though.
	So, uh, we're talking about both these things.
	The Jerusalem thing, the Israel thing, lines up perfectly with the theme of this show, which is of course the hurtling trajectory towards oblivion that we're currently on, and the obsession with death and destruction on the right wing.
	One of these groups that I was looking in for takes on this development was Wondrous times of revelation and signs of Christ.
	Yay!
	What are the signs of Christ?
	Uh, Donald Trump's in the White House.
	Okay, so a Christian in the White House, right?
	Finally.
	Got it.
	Christian in the White House.
	Yeah, if you're actually a Christian that believes in, like, you know, that Trump sucks, you can rationalize that he may be the Antichrist or something, you know?
	He's uniting Israel, you know?
	Is that what the Antichrist did?
	Yeah, he's gonna unite people and, like, people are gonna follow him.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	If I recall, the Antichrist, he helps lay down the foundation for the temple in Jerusalem.
	Right.
	And from there, they build the new temple.
	You're right.
	Yeah.
	I'm trying to stretch this one around.
	That's literally happening.
	The temple, a la the... The embassy.
	The embassy.
	It's the same thing.
	Yeah.
	Wait, the Antichrist does that, or...?
	He facilitates.
	He's a dot connector, if you will.
	Is this a real thing, or is this speculation?
	What is it, Revelations?
	Yeah, they actually say that the Antichrist will help rebuild Solomon's Temple.
	Shalom, bro.
	But this person will also be charismatic enough to unite the entire world, so that's not this dumpster.
	I think not.
	A lot of Christians thought that was Obama, though.
	He's a svelte, well-spoken man.
	He's way more likely to be the Antichrist than Trump.
	He's way more likable.
	Way more likeable.
	On so many levels.
	I mean, he won the popular vote.
	Yeah.
	At least.
	Who?
	Obama.
	Yeah!
	My mom believed that she did, which is really weird for her.
	She's not one for hot takes, but for some reason that was the one she chose.
	He's the Antichrist?
	And she was like, no, I like him.
	I think he's great.
	I just think that he also might be the Antichrist.
	How do you rectify that?
	Like, oh, if this is the Antichrist and Jesus is coming back soon and the apocalypse will happen.
	It's an odd thing to casually agree with.
	She's accepting her own humanity that as a human I am going to be enamored with the Antichrist.
	She was like that and like the Pope right now.
	Like I think that, you know, between the two of them.
	They are the anti-grads.
	Did she put herself as one of the 144,000?
	I don't know.
	That's such a small number.
	I don't think she can because she had a child out of wedlock with a black guy one time.
	So I don't think she can count herself amongst those.
	I think there's a couple books where it says that.
	That's too heavy of an infraction.
	That's rough.
	Wait, so she, instead of the Mark of the Beast, she got with the Mark of Cain.
	Exactly, yeah.
	And then got me in the process.
	So it's a little win-win.
	Tight.
	Okay.
	So, uh, yeah, I mean, it's, it's, you know, Christianity itself is a death cult.
	I mean, like, one of these, one of these posts, Satan is not welcome here.
	This page is covered by the blood of Jesus.
	Oh, that's funny.
	Alex, how did you read it then?
	Oh, good.
	Nice.
	I think it's a metaphor, but it's just such, such a graphic one.
	Maybe Satan can, like, look inside from the outside?
	Like, that's what they're saying?
	Like, you can see what we're doing, but you can't come in.
	You can't come in, yeah.
	You can see in this glass house, but you can't, yeah.
	So I feel like we should talk about the Jerusalem thing, which we're already doing, and then, you know, end on a light note with the, you know, celebrate our ability to say Merry Christmas again.
	So obviously, I feel like this newfound recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel is really just a meaningless gesture to his evangelical base.
	This doesn't change much.
	I'm going to play ignorant here and say, does moving the embassy to Jerusalem make Jerusalem the capital of Israel?
	Jerusalem is already the self-professed capital of Israel.
	The seats of government are there.
	It's just the rest of the world has refused to recognize Israel's sole possession of Jerusalem.
	So Tel Aviv is the capital on the map, right?
	Yes.
	Okay, so basically Christian right and Jewish people acknowledged Jerusalem as the capital.
	Because that's what the Bible said.
	That's some sweet, sweet rationality.
	But it's basically like Jerusalem was set up as a What do you call it?
	An open space?
	Right, for all religions to practice.
	It was a safe space.
	Hence the reason why.
	But it was actually taken and occupied in 1960... Sorry, I said something you were gonna say.
	No, your joke was great and you should tell it again and edit that out.
	No, it's okay.
	I was like, oh shit, his joke was good.
	It was taken in 1967 and... Seized!
	1967 and and seized and I think in 1980 Israel passed a law saying that it's not just East Jerusalem is their capital also All of Jerusalem is their capital.
	I could be misspeaking east or west.
	All of Jerusalem is the seat of Israel's capital, and that's like a non-starter for negotiations with Palestine, which is supposed to also have claim to Jerusalem, which is also a holy city to them.
	So, Israel has occupied Jerusalem already.
	There's no physical difference.
	The U.S., I'm sure, already has people in Jerusalem.
	This is just...
	A gesture, like I said, to his evangelical base, which he desperately needs behind him.
	And it's also one of the arguments for this, supposedly, is, well, Obama said he was gonna do it.
	Well...
	Bill Clinton said he was going to do it.
	Bush said he was going to do it.
	And it's like, yeah, because we're already so tight with Israel.
	We already give them so much money.
	We already stand for them so hard that just in order to run for president, you have to make these overtures to Israel.
	You have to say, we support Israel.
	It's the system.
	Israel's always been our gateway to the Middle East.
	The greater Middle East.
	What about Saudi Arabia though?
	Not up in the forefront.
	Not for everybody to know.
	Our dealings with Saudi Arabia are probably behind the scenes.
	Shit, you know, we do giant military deals with them as well just with with lots of Middle Eastern countries We do you know, and that's those are independent country companies doing that with with those countries the whole thing to me though is just like this gesture so audacious because I mean the history and the the politics behind Israel are so complex and so like
	Constantly going, you know, it's stupid that like there's something that I I don't even really speak on because as far as you know I might know more than the average person, but I'm still fairly ignorant to you know everything So it's really it's really crazy that that he thinks he knows enough to say this out loud And that they that the people who were back and I'm like, yeah, he must know what he's doing right now he for sure doesn't get he really really thinks that like
	It's weird, it's this move that's like, this doesn't actually change anything, it's just being an asshole.
	It is being an asshole.
	It's just being an asshole.
	That's the point that I was getting to was that Obama didn't do it, Bush didn't do it, Clinton didn't do it because they realized how fucking stupid it would be and detrimental to the peace process because as a president, you might want to leave some sort of positive impact on the world and maybe hopefully resolve Middle Eastern conflict, at least one of them.
	But in Trump's mind, and in his voters' mind, I'm convinced they see this as like, or at least Trump is like, they didn't do it, they couldn't get it done, they didn't have the balls to do it.
	Watch me do this.
	Watch me do it.
	They didn't want to do it, well then now I'm going to do it.
	And that's it, that's all he's thinking.
	And he is going to leave an impact, a big one.
	A big nuclear fucking impact.
	It also goes back to, you know, we're talking about how they think Trump knows what he's doing.
	Well, they also just know what's right because it's in the Bible.
	Jerusalem belongs to Israel, belongs to the Israelites.
	No matter who's occupied it, it's always been for Israel.
	And this is just an expansion of the, or maybe a different application of Manifest Destiny, which is a huge, which is what America is founded on.
	The divine right to settle an area and displace its people or enslave the people.
	So this is not that Yeah, it makes sense to them.
	They're stoked.
	The evangelicals are real pumped.
	My favorite thing about all these memes is the timetable they all set.
	All the sarcasm... Sarcasm?
	All the sarcasm... It's pretty deep, I would say.
	Throughout the memes are... They're like, come on man, believe me, I've been doing this for thousands of years.
	But like we just said, these things have literally switched in the past few decades.
	Everything's way different now than it was thousands of years ago.
	Oh yeah.
	But they all speak about thousands of years.
	It's wild.
	They have no clue about how these places flourished in the 60s.
	They don't have any clue about that.
	They think this place has been this pile of stones forever.
	During the Civil Rights Era in America?
	Because they're so behind.
	They're so behind that they can't like, that's how they, these Christians think that these Middle Eastern people are so archaic that they can't figure it out.
	And they haven't figured it out for thousands of years.
	They don't realize this has all been evolving and there is actual politics.
	There's actual things happening there.
	Like this is not, this is not throwing sticks at each other.
	They don't realize that that hasn't happened.
	You know, it's wild.
	And I think for people who don't care about the religious nature of it, or at least, like, don't believe in prophecy or biblical law, they just like that this is making Arabs mad.
	Yeah.
	They just like that this is making liberals mad.
	Yep.
	And, you know, it gives them something to laugh about while they're Killing themselves with opioids.
	And I say that with no happiness in my heart.
	You've been trained to be told that government owes you nothing.
	And so you're just gonna die poor and sick.
	And so you get to laugh at somebody else for a change.
	And then you've got the alt-right.
	Which supposedly is very anti-semitic, but also would love to model their own ethnostate after Israel, at least according to Richard Spencer.
	And also, I mean, if all the Jews get to go to Israel, then they don't have to be here, right?
	Yeah, man.
	But it's a win-win.
	Two birds.
	But it's even more service than that.
	It's not even like that deep.
	These same people who are mad about statues being torn down don't understand why these people are mad about this.
	And this is an actual thing.
	Yo, what's crazy though is that, like, the parallels between Israel and an unnamed, you know, dictator, reich, whatever.
	There are heavy parallels there, you know?
	Definitely.
	He's not wrong about that.
	And you are Jewish, so you're the authority on this.
	Oh, the number one authority.
	Well, I'll defer to your expertise.
	And Mike, I believe you're part Jewish too, aren't you?
	Yeah, so-so.
	You did the, eh, hand wiggle.
	I could have sworn you were at one point.
	I was married to a Jew for a couple years.
	Oh, that's it.
	So you basically... Did you have to convert?
	Well, no, they did a blood ritual and they, you know, he put her blood in him and then now he's Jewish.
	So that's where it is.
	Tight.
	So, transfusion.
	But like, the apartheid that exists in Israel is pretty fucked up.
	Yeah, like Tony said, I'm definitely not really the most qualified person to talk about this.
	I mean, I've never been there, but I've read up on the Zionism.
	And to you, it looks great.
	Oh yeah, as a Jewish Zionist, it looks wonderful how they've separated.
	You're a Zionist?
	No, hell no!
	That's sarcasm.
	Sarcasm should translate a little better, but I'm bad at it sometimes.
	So I have a comment here from Fox News.
	The comments section on the announcement, it's pretty good.
	Stephen Rocknick says, I don't know, let me read this top one that I cut off without realizing that it's pretty good.
	She says, thank you, finally a president with backbone and a huge set.
	Huge set of what?
	She doesn't say.
	Big set!
	Set of muscles.
	Set of waves.
	Principles.
	Set of principles.
	He's chasing that endless summer.
	It's the chins.
	It's the set of chins when you get that good profile happening.
	Time for our country to treat our ally Israel with respect and not stab them in the back like the P.O.S.
	we had in office the last eight years.
	Wow.
	Yeah, what she's referring to when she says stab them in the back was when in 2016 the US abstained from voting on a written condemnation of illegal West Bank settlements.
	You think she really was referencing that?
	No.
	Okay.
	You're nice.
	It like secreted down to her that Obama hates Israel.
	She doesn't know really for what.
	She heard it on Fox News in the background one day.
	I mean, Obama, Obama gave Israel a $38 billion historically large military package.
	Like this is, it's absurd the way, uh, you know, we talk about this really, uh, But the comment that I was getting at was Stephen Rocknick says, To the people who are saying Trump is creating more tension and violence in the Middle East, just shut up.
	Shut up, you guys.
	You can thank the globalists.
	You know them.
	Default mode.
	Default mode.
	Hold on.
	You can thank the globalists for invading the Middle East 15 years ago.
	Yeah, dude.
	That's the first time the globalists entered the Middle East.
	So the irony is, the globalist is usually like, you know, low-key, we're talking about Jews, basically.
	Anti-Semitic conspiracy, but... Steven isn't familiar with that trope.
	So the globalist, you know, parentheses Jews, have invaded Israel.
	Triple parentheses Jews.
	Triple parentheses.
	Fifteen years ago.
	Fifteen years ago, those darn globalists got their hands on the Middle East.
	Before that, we were fine, guys.
	The muddleness of the information in these people's heads.
	So, like, they're talking about the invasion of Iraq or what?
	What are they talking about in 2002?
	The fuck?
	Okay.
	I'm happy that we have a president on our side for once, because for as long as I've been alive, we either had a Bush, Clinton, or Obama in the White House.
	Three presidents.
	So they were born in the 90s?
	I don't think so.
	Possibly.
	This was a young person.
	But I love, as long as I've been alive, we've had the same three presidents.
	They're all in there at the same time like sitting in the Oval Office just like yelling at each other.
	They're taking turns.
	Yes.
	They're also saying that in their minds, Bush and Clinton and Obama had very, very similar anti-Israel stances.
	They weren't doing enough.
	All three of them who had completely different approaches to politics in general.
	I don't know, it's just wild.
	It's the Trump era, man.
	It's probably accurate that those three Four presidents?
	Four.
	We're all on the same page when it came to Israel.
	I'm trying to remember if H.W.
	Bush ever spoke a negative word about Israel.
	He just wanted war to keep going on, but they weren't going to be all crazy with Jerusalem.
	There's obviously a reason this happened, people.
	Come on.
	Reason what happened?
	That never happened.
	It's just so superfluous.
	It doesn't do anything.
	It's just being a dick for no reason.
	I think what happened was Trump is just a deal maker.
	He's not a politician.
	He's just a celebrity.
	He's got to get stuff done.
	Even if it means that he gives Israel exactly what they want in exchange for nothing.
	He's awesome.
	He's got to get that win.
	He's got to get that checkmark.
	So, yet, Nahu wants the capital in Jerusalem?
	Okay, that's fine.
	No problem.
	We'll do it real quick.
	Wait, Obama didn't do it?
	No one did it?
	I'm in.
	Let's get this shit done.
	Let's just do it.
	Done.
	The first actual meme, I don't even know if this counts as a meme.
	It's art, I think.
	It's beautiful.
	I love looking at it.
	This is like a real nice one to ease us into this.
	It's a photorealistic backdrop of an American flag.
	You can see the stitching.
	You can see just the years of liberty and justice imprinted on this flag.
	And then in front of that, you get an extremely poorly cropped male lion walking toward the camera.
	It's prominently displayed atop this lion's brow is a giant crown of thorns.
	It's like a clip-out crown of thorns though.
	Yeah.
	It's totally a clip-out.
	What do you mean?
	What's a clip-out?
	A clip-out, excuse me.
	Oh yeah.
	Everything is like photoreal except for the crown of thorns.
	It looks almost like a brooch.
	It looks like an enamel brooch.
	Like a pen.
	It's like two-dimensional and it just disappears to give it like a 3D illusion.
	This lion also smoked a freaking dinosaur finger because he looks high as shit.
	He looks pretty toasted.
	I love how big this crown of thorns is on the lion's head.
	It's around the whole mane.
	As if the lion's head and mane were a basketball that's being dunked into the crown of thorns.
	Might it be indicative of a halo by chance?
	Yeah, a little Halo-ish, yeah.
	Yeah, they're mixing their metaphors here.
	There's definitely a gap between the skull and the crown.
	Yeah, I thought it was, like, hairspray.
	There's a gap between the mane and the crown.
	Yeah.
	And then underneath in, like, this isn't the, uh, this isn't the Jokerman font, is it?
	It's not Comic Sans, it's more like a...
	It's a similar to Comic Sans.
	It's like a third party Comic Sans, which is kind of worse.
	It's a bad font.
	It's a humor serif that says, I stand, capital S, I stand with Israel!
	Exclamation point.
	Oh, it's credited down here.
	Can we read that name at the bottom right?
	Ramen Baka?
	Ramen Baka?
	Okay, keep an eye out for Ramen Baka.
	Bringing that heat rock.
	Persons going places.
	The lion's supposed to symbolize Christianity, right?
	Right.
	It's a mash-up.
	And then Hillary represents the witch.
	Right.
	And then the wardrobe is... I don't know, who's closeted gay that we can make fun of?
	Just kidding.
	I don't know that person exists.
	We're working on our wit over here, trying to be quick with it.
	Yeah, no, this is like, you know, the Jesus Christ allegory in Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe was pretty obvious, but I feel like they really could have hammered it home if they had actually crucified Aslan.
	Right.
	Put a crown of thorns on him, a giant crown of thorns on him.
	Would have got it then.
	He gets something similar to crucified at the end.
	Yeah, yeah, does he really that's what are you talking about in the line?
	What's your wardrobe?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah, he definitely gets yeah, put him on like a stone slab Yep, he it's cut his mane.
	Yeah, you will.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, I think they kill him, right?
	They technically kill him, but whatever so like instead of like the mouse pulling a thorn from the lion's paw you could get it shoving it in his side.
	Yeah.
	Yep at the end of it.
	That'd be This is just a cool like like Judaism Christianity mashup right here.
	This is just like wholesome I'm the American flag in the background.
	Like, you're welcome Israel, we solved all your problems.
	We done did it.
	Guys, what are you guys still arguing about?
	We told you, we fixed it.
	And I just, yeah, it's just like a wholesome Jesus line.
	Yes.
	And then the person who posted this, her name was Lee Kirk, and her cover photo says, Jerusalem The middle letters are coincidentally USA.
	The middle letters of Jerusalem.
	Which is just amazing.
	And so those have an American flag running through them.
	Her whole profile is amazing.
	This is good.
	She says, I have received God's gift of grace.
	Have you?
	That's her filter or frame?
	Her frame.
	Her digital frame on her photo with her like shoddy ass selfie.
	And then underneath her bio says, daughter of the king, curious, passionate, complex dreamer.
	About as complex as that flag behind her.
	These are the dreamers we should be supporting.
	This flag fades from... Does it fade from an Israeli flag to an American flag?
	Absolutely.
	But it's split down the middle somehow?
	So the stars are gone?
	I want to see how that's... You can't see the seam, unfortunately.
	You can't see where it connects because her amazing framed face is in front of it.
	But it's, yeah, it's definitely that.
	It's hard to tell where we end and they begin.
	I love it.
	Complex dreamer.
	Curious, passionate, complex dreamer.
	It sounds pretty simple in Lee Kirk's world.
	Yeah, dude.
	She stands with Israel.
	Yes or no?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	She absolutely does.
	Of course she does.
	In Christian faith.
	Next meme.
	This is Donald Trump talking to an Angela Merkel who's covering her face, which is a womanly gesture, so this is an appropriate move for her to be making.
	We learned that a couple episodes ago.
	Trump's talking to her, and there's a giant MS Paint speech bubble, and Trump is saying, So I can't say Israel belongs to the Jews.
	Period.
	But you can give Europe to Islam?
	Oh God.
	Hand it over, just hand it right over to all of them.
	Yeah, that's totally the same thing, dude.
	Allowing refugees of a war-torn country into your country is like changing the fucking seat of that country, changing the capital.
	And like they said, give your country to Islam.
	It's like, they really think that, uh oh, they let him in.
	They're just handing it away.
	You know, before you know it, it's going to be a Muslim state over there.
	It's like, chill.
	Why isn't the I capitalized here?
	Is there a period here?
	We'll avoid going into grammar.
	Well because the I in Israel is capitalized and this is Trump saying that he serves Israel and chooses not to capitalize his own I. But why is the I in Islam capitalized then?
	That's mixing some messages here.
	Because he's in Europe in this exchange where you have to capitalize Islam, which is punishable by death if you don't.
	Yep, since they have Europe after all.
	I do wonder what he's actually saying here.
	I don't know, but he's probably making a bad joke and she's like, oh, you're so funny and not a heinous human being.
	Maybe she's just like, get me the fuck out of here.
	That's what she's saying.
	I think that's closer to what might be happening there.
	She looks so annoyed.
	Now you might be wondering, like, why all these negative feelings towards Islam and Muslims?
	Why would it be so bad to hand Europe over to Islam?
	Well, I have a meme here that explains it.
	Yes.
	So, this is a sign in Dearborn, Michigan.
	Okay?
	It says so right here on this meme.
	It says it there.
	And the sign is for a mosque.
	We see the crescent moon of Islam.
	And the sign is one of those, you know, like...
	Signs with the magnetic letters, or the tiled letters.
	Marquee.
	A marquee, thank you very much.
	The sign is, Advancement of Islamic Agenda for America.
	You know the building that is named that?
	These are the headquarters.
	AIAFA.
	We're all familiar with this lobbying group.
	And then in the marquee area it says, Allah be praised.
	America we will kill you all and nothing you can do to stop it.
	Allah be praised.
	And nothing you can do to stop it.
	And underneath this it says, this is the part that they typed out underneath.
	This sign is in Dearborn, Michigan, and you're worried about the Confederate flag?
	Wake up people before it's too late.
	So obviously this is a meme from a different era, but it still applies here and I feel like it gives us some insight into why people are so, uh...
	Antagonistic toward Islam is because they're gonna kill us all and there's literally nothing we can do about it because of political correctness.
	Yep, so we might as well just put them all away in like camps or something like that.
	Maybe get like an ethno state going on over here, possibly.
	Sure.
	That might be a good solution to the issue.
	Would it be the penultimate solution?
	Oh man, yeah, that's what they'd call it, the penultimate solution.
	Trump's just like going through the thesaurus, he's just like, hmm, what can I... Oh this one works, penultimate.
	There's gonna be one right before the final.
	There's gonna be another solution after this.
	Oh man.
	It's funny just how far they took this meme, you know?
	First of all, that's not what any building would be called.
	It would have been better off just saying Mosque.
	Nothing else, just the word Mosque.
	Just Mosque.
	A Mosque.
	It's so crudely photoshopped and so bad.
	And then they're like, wait, not only is this sign real, but it's in Dearborn, Michigan.
	No one had to know where it was from.
	That's not helping.
	No, it kind of does help.
	It makes me believe it more.
	Dearborn has the largest Muslim population in the United States.
	Yeah.
	Oh, is it really?
	It's also home to the Advancement of Islamic Agenda for America.
	But outside of that wonderful organization, it is the largest population.
	It's just so crazy, but they added this fake sign in the real location.
	I love that they bookmarked the message.
	I mean, we have all be praised, stuff in between all be praised.
	They're doubling down on that part.
	It looks good.
	It's repetition for effect, which is a great literary device to use in your marquee.
	Yeah, no, I feel like we... What am I trying to say here?
	It's interesting that they chose to spell kill just like Jeff Dunham's puppet.
	K-E-E-L.
	We will kill you all?
	No.
	That's a bad joke I was trying to make.
	But this is like a direct quote from a Jeff Dunham puppet, right?
	Yeah, exactly.
	We will kill you.
	We will kill you all.
	And nothing you can do to stop it.
	I'm unfamiliar with Jeff Dunham.
	Should I be into Jeff Dunham?
	No.
	I mean, actually, yeah, you should probably binge watch him right now.
	Oh, is he like a bad guy?
	He's terrible.
	Oh, he's... It's blue-collar comedy with ventriloquist dummies.
	Oh, that sounds great.
	One of whom is a skeletal suicide bomber.
	Yeah.
	And his catchphrase is, I keel you.
	Keel, yeah.
	Another one is a Mexican jalapeno.
	It's real, the whole thing is real blatantly racist.
	The guy's a white guy.
	I've seen pictures of him.
	Nah, the name like Jeff Dunham, I don't know.
	He is though.
	I've seen his little, little, little, little, little thumbnail.
	He's like, no, it's not, it's not bad.
	It's a puppet.
	It's fine.
	That sucks.
	Yeah.
	It's wild.
	Yeah.
	Next, let's go to the next meme here.
	Next.
	Uh, okay.
	So, The Pope had something to say about this decision and how it was fucking stupid, I believe was the phrase he used.
	Yeah, paraphrase me.
	But this meme here says, you know, we got a picture of a Pope and we also have the watermark on this meme, which is so good, I'm going to give it top billing here.
	The watermark is for an organization called PC Gone Wild.
	But PC has the circle around it.
	And the gone wild is the slash through the red circle.
	Indicating that they are against PC because it has gone wild.
	It also just, but it just kind of scans as like a, um, like if you would freeze on, freeze frame on a Girls Gone Wild promo where the Gone Wild is like spinning into the background of the screen and you just caught it off kilter at a diagonal angle.
	That's kind of what it looks like.
	Yes.
	I think it's, it's like exactly that font.
	It's the Gone Wild is that font.
	That's the name of the font.
	So, the top text.
	We've got a picture of the Pope.
	Top text.
	The Pope flies to Greece to tell Christians to love Muslims.
	I'm just curious.
	Which is in a different font than the rest of them.
	Yeah, they stuck it over it.
	Why doesn't he fly to Iraq and tell Muslims to love Christians?
	Yeah, why not, huh?
	And why doesn't he tell those Satanists Stop worshiping the devil, dummies!
	Stop doing that, it's silly.
	If he thinks he can tell Christians what to do, why doesn't he tell Muslims what to do for a change?
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	He's busy.
	He hasn't been able to fit in his schedule.
	He's trying though.
	He's trying to, you know, he's gonna do a tour next summer.
	Yeah, he's gonna be flying all around.
	It's like, what do they think he does?
	What do they think his job is?
	Well, actually, what is his job?
	Yeah, they don't understand that he is literally just, he's a figurehead for the Catholic Church.
	Which they also believe is like a satanic cult.
	Well, I mean, they're pretty weird.
	They're pretty wild, you know.
	In a lot of ways, they are.
	But that's me coming from someone who's agnostic.
	They might be wild, but have they gone wild?
	Oh, trust me, the Catholics have gone wild.
	Oh yeah, they already had their heyday.
	Their teen years are long behind them.
	That was a while ago.
	Oh boy.
	I'm picturing the Catholic Church Gone Wild infomercial and what those stars would be covering up.
	Oh man, quartering in a dungeon.
	Self-flagellation.
	You guys went in a much more wholesome direction with it than I did.
	Quartering is not good.
	Yeah, it's alright.
	I was chuckling earlier, though, because I kept flipping over to Phil Sivitz's picture.
	Are you going to get to Phil Sivitz at all?
	Yeah, we're doing that next.
	But first, I have to say what Phil Sivitz was responding to.
	So this isn't a meme, this is a post in one of my groups that I'm in.
	Carla Mack, who is a Brilliantly white lady with blonde hair and I wouldn't call this like the let me speak to your manager haircut.
	I would call this like there is one manager and he resides in heaven and I have a direct line to him and your pay is getting docked this week.
	That's nice.
	Haircut.
	Is it blonde and crunchy?
	Yeah, it's like platinum blonde.
	It's like, you know, all the melanin is gone.
	Blonde.
	Pure.
	Pure.
	Finally, at last.
	Like she was bleached.
	She says, Palestinians plan to protest.
	Better be careful.
	It would only take one moment of God's rage to take care of their petty behavior.
	God says he will bless those who bless Israel, and he will curse those who curse Israel.
	And then there were a lot of great responses, but Phil's stood out to me.
	Phil Svets says, I see any... Can I say this word?
	Um... If you create a new slur that doesn't even sound like any other slur, is it, like, still... You should say it for research purposes.
	Okay, yeah, I'm documenting this, okay.
	I see any Gaza-knees.
	Gaza-knees?
	I read that, like, three times.
	I was like, what?
	Yeah, I felt kind of- I felt like ignorant for a second.
	I'm like, what is that?
	What?
	Wait, do I not know?
	It's like the Gaza Strip.
	What the fuck?
	God damn it.
	Yeah, no, you got it.
	I see any Gazanese in the near future.
	It's gonna fly like a frickin' fart in a wetsuit after seeing them burn our flag.
	Burn Gaza to the ground!
	Burn that strip, baby.
	Well done, just like Trump likes them.
	What a crazy turn.
	Fly like a frickin' fart in a wetsuit.
	I don't know what that is, but it's very silly.
	It's childish.
	It's potty humor.
	really like it's very like silly it's very like silly you know it's childish it's potty humor and then he gets real intense after that it's to burn Gaza to the ground This guy's probably, he's like a serial killer if he's displaying like childlike behavior as well as like somewhat homicidal behavior.
	So just use a giant magnifying glass and burn Gaza to the ground.
	This guy's a serial killer.
	And then he also comments, they started this war 20 years ago with us 9-11 get ready mofos.
	Oh man, I love it.
	All the exclamation marks.
	I mean if those, if those Ghazanese didn't want it, they shouldn't have done 9-11.
	I remember when the Ghazanese did 9-11.
	Oh yeah, oh, the Palestinians?
	Yeah, they did it.
	Just kidding.
	And then, so I, we gotta just, sorry.
	You're talking about Phil Sivitz the, the professor, right?
	He's a professor out of college, maybe?
	Um, he might be, uh, that's not indicated by his profile picture.
	Oh, really?
	It's not him reading a book?
	No, it's him doing Flatland BMX tricks.
	I love how his hands all turned out.
	With the fingerless gloves.
	You know in the 90's they used to call that the Jesus Christ pose.
	Definitely, his hands are... I repeat it, Chris Cornell.
	He's doing, yeah, he's riding some, he's riding the rear peg and he's got, you know, what do you call that when you, like on skateboarding at least?
	Jesus Christ Pose.
	He's like, he's on the back peg, kind of balancing on the back wheel.
	It's not a wheel.
	He's on one side of it.
	It's a flatland.
	It's a flatland trick.
	Yeah, but I'm saying like when you, when you do an air and then you tweak it, you know, that's kind of what he's tweaking.
	He's tweaking it out.
	So he's got one hand on the bike and the other hand's open handed, like sup, sup bro.
	Sup dog.
	Check me out here now.
	He's also wearing a shirt of the dude.
	Which sucks, because I love that movie, and this guy... sucks.
	This is the exact, like, demographic who loves the dude.
	I don't know.
	I hate to break it to you, man.
	Yeah, but that's a great flick, though.
	Yeah, but it has a pretty whack following.
	Like, some whack people love that movie.
	Life Aquatic is a great movie, but I'm not gonna put a Bill Murray bumper sticker on my fucking car.
	Hell fucking no.
	But... And I would never wear a dude shirt, either.
	But... But see, that's the difference between you and this guy.
	Yeah.
	We know the movie's good.
	It's a great plot, it's a great storytelling, lots of subtext that's great.
	There's a lot that informs the dude.
	The Coen brothers are awesome, yeah.
	This guy does not get all that sub.
	But this guy's fingerless glove, sweet wraparound sunglasses, Um, and like, goatee-ish thing going on?
	He looks like the bald guy from Dragon Ball Z. Yeah!
	Like the old man.
	Fuck, man, what's his name?
	How come I'm not... The strong guy.
	He's like strong, right?
	I'm just proud of myself for even knowing that was a thing.
	He's just the old pervert man on Dragon Ball Z. He gets strong.
	I've seen like fans... Oh yeah, he's strong as fuck.
	He's like the old, like, teacher.
	Yeah.
	Master Roshi.
	Oh, Roshi.
	Yeah, he looks like Master Roshi, but only if Master Roshi was... Wearing locs.
	Yeah, he wears locs.
	He's a pervert too.
	Let's get to the next one.
	So this one is one that you found, Tony.
	I'm bringing up the Menorah.
	Oh yeah, this one's great.
	So today we are recording this on the first day of Hanukkah.
	And this is a Menorah.
	That spells out the word Jerusalem.
	It's actually a really good drawing.
	This is like a political cartoon.
	Yeah, it's well done.
	The menorah spells out Jerusalem and Trump is lighting the first candle and it says Hanukkah came earlier this year.
	As he's lighting the Jerusalem menorah.
	And it's weird, it's like, this is like the tasteful side of that, of, you know, of the race.
	Like, this is actually, if we saw, if we agreed with it, you know, if this was appealing to us and the same animation was there, I'd be like, oh, this is, this is good.
	This is well done.
	Yeah, this is like, it's a refreshing meme.
	This is like the lion in a hat.
	Like, I, you know, it's, it's cute to look at.
	Yeah.
	I also like that he's just setting Jerusalem on fire.
	Absolutely.
	I'm offended as a Jewish person.
	I think it's insane that he couldn't possibly have foreseen that interpretation of this cartoon where he is holding a match to Jerusalem.
	I think it's insane that this lady claims he moved Hanukkah up this year.
	Like, that's fucked up.
	In addition to it?
	Yeah, like, no.
	It's like, Hanukkah didn't come early.
	Maybe you can say early Hanukkah gift.
	Yeah.
	I mean, but you can't say Hanukkah came early.
	No, exactly.
	Thank you.
	You can't actually move the day.
	I'm offended.
	Yep, triggered over here, okay?
	I just saw that the hashtags are hashtag Hanukkah and then hashtag Hanukkah spelled incorrectly.
	There's probably multiple spellings of it, right?
	They're just going through and clicking on them.
	But that's just one... It works, you know?
	Also the last one, hashtag in your face.
	Yeah, that's the one that matters.
	Hashtag in your face.
	Because that's what this is all about.
	It's just about doing things that go in someone else's face.
	Jerusalem is real when it's put all together like that and the hashtag just looks like it says Jerusalem miserable.
	Jerusalem is real is what it looks like.
	Shit's real.
	Hashtag Jerusalem capital of Israel.
	Shit is about to get real in Jerusalem, that's for fucking sure.
	Yeah, hashtags are crazy on the Instagrams.
	Okay, so let's get into the other half of this Jerusalem conversation that fits so well with this show's theme, which is the second coming crowd.
	Okay, because basically what I've learned through this conversation and through doing research for this episode that Trump by doing this, Trump by naming Jerusalem the capital of, the trademarked capital of Israel, somehow allows God to reveal the Messiah to the Jewish people?
	This is what I'm understanding?
	Oh yeah.
	So this is like Trump letting God know it's okay now.
	Now you can do it, buddy.
	Now that Jesus is back in the form of Trump.
	Uh, I'm just kidding.
	On a Fox News post, Josh... Josua?
	I don't know how to pronounce this.
	Toro says, the stage is set for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ.
	Satan is really pissed right now because he knows the end is near.
	God, I love triggering Satan.
	Our Lord's... You're all pissed.
	Our Lord's reign is coming soon.
	Amen.
	All your lord needed was for a little man named Donald Trump to say, hey Israel, yeah, like, I like your capital.
	That's all God needed.
	Yeah.
	God's like, yes, finally, I finally can do it.
	That was the, that's the password.
	Nailed the password.
	Our lord's reign is coming soon.
	What kind of a lord do you have if this isn't currently his reign?
	He's fucking blowing it.
	This is mind-boggling to me.
	Murray says, Trump is God's chosen leader.
	No works of the devil will stand against the mighty God's chosen man.
	North Korea, Russia, Turkey, or any country that wants to fight against the U.S.
	will not succeed because Trump has fulfilled the word of God by recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.
	How do you have that much passion about this person and have no clue what's been happening at all?
	Like, you just named the list of countries you named right now.
	Turkey?
	Ally of the US.
	And like, we're actually, people in his, you know, in his cabinet were like colluding with him.
	We work with Turkey.
	People in his cabinet have been like colluding with Turkey and doing wild things to Turkey that are very much like, they're not gonna go to war with us right now.
	And then Russia, who we're also being investigated with for like colluding with.
	It just, are you not...
	I think the mention of Turkey is because Erdogan, I can't pronounce his name, the leader of Turkey, Erdogan, actually said, hey, bad move.
	Yeah.
	Bad idea.
	Exactly.
	That's how bad this is.
	That's how stupid this is.
	And then Tina Darlene says, replies, God is going to show his wrath on Americans.
	They have forgotten our God, our Lord of Lords.
	Can't wait till that happens.
	What would it be like to experience some sort of punishment for poor decision making in America?
	I don't know, but us on the bottom, 99%, we reap the fucking what they sow, that's for sure.
	Yeah, it would just be terrible if, like, the past mistakes of America came back to haunt us in some way, shape, or form.
	Oh, it would be a bummer.
	It would suck.
	Yeah, I just wanted, like, I feel like religious texts, texts in general, are like the original Facebook post.
	Oh, totally, yeah.
	Oh, man.
	You know, it's like, my aunt, Saw some really cool shit one time.
	She said it happened.
	It was way before anyone can remember, like 20 minutes ago.
	Because I have the mind of a fucking goldfish.
	When you're all tripping out on fucking contaminated wheat and seeing bushes burning and shit, you can't remember more than 20 minutes ago.
	It's like what's going on in your local town Facebook groups, you know?
	It's like that and it's just like, you know, one woman saw some black kids run through her front yard and like now you teach that they have the mark of Cain upon them.
	Oh my god.
	What's funny is I wish people would really go for it and like, oh yeah, Antimes are finally here.
	I'm not going to go to work tomorrow.
	I'm fucking chilling now.
	Like I can, you know, I know my, I know my rights.
	I won't, I can at least stretch my, my lease out six more months without paying for it.
	There's probably a whole swath of people doing that.
	Think about the people who buy Alex Jones's products.
	They're probably like, well, gotta hunker down because when the apocalypse hits, you know, they're going to try to get our stuff.
	I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna go to Costco one time and quit my job.
	Tamra Lee Aman says, Love the name Tamra.
	All we need now is for Jared Kushner to broker a peace deal in the Middle East, then we're all set.
	End of the end times being fulfilled right in front of our very eyes.
	I'll tell you one thing, I love being in this, and knowing that Jared Kushner is in the White House, I can always think about what... Every time Trump says, well, Jared's gonna do this, I just imagine him doing that thing, and he's just all shaky, and just nervous about having to do some kind of diplomacy.
	I was gonna say, I was looking forward to this end times thing, but now I find out from Tamara that we need Jared Kushner to broker a peace deal for it to happen, and I'm bummed out.
	Is he the Antichrist?
	Oh, no way.
	He is attractive and popular.
	Let's read descriptions of the Antichrist.
	He's like a good-looking, well-spoken man.
	I think that could be Jared Kushner.
	He's like a three out of five at best.
	Come on.
	You're going on that five scale.
	Yeah, you like that?
	It's an interesting choice.
	Okay, a 6.2 out of 10.
	Okay, see, he gets a bump in the 10 scale.
	A little bit.
	It's a little .2 bump.
	You see how it averages out when you break it down to the 5 scale?
	Yeah, you round it down.
	But this guy is... I don't think he's charismatic.
	We haven't heard him talk enough for him to be charismatic.
	I say maybe this person, and I'm really giving this person a lot of credit, I don't think it's what's happening.
	Maybe she's being sarcastic, because that'd be great, but I don't think she is.
	End of the end times being fulfilled right in front of our very eyes.
	Can you believe it?
	We get to see it!
	Maybe she's like, maybe she means like, end of the end times!
	And we're just reading it.
	No, this is a normal case.
	Yeah, this person's being very serious.
	She didn't use SpongeBob case in this.
	Unfortunately, they mean it.
	Fuck.
	There's these moments where I'll just be silent and staring off during these podcasts because I still rationalize everything as we're going through it and just trip out on all these folks.
	It's still mind-blowing every time.
	Yeah, I'm like, fuck.
	They're all far away from us, I think.
	They're not near us in literal geographic proximity.
	I feel like social media has really opened my eyes to how shitty most people probably are.
	You know, you grow up with a smaller set of friends.
	Well, we're in California, also.
	Which is a huge state, and you see confederate flags in California.
	Which is insane, but yeah, you do.
	It's not that crazy.
	And you like to think that there are the minority, and then you see... Did I say minority?
	I meant minority.
	That wasn't a Jewish pun, guys.
	You like to think that... Just watching Matt's face fall was totally worth it.
	It took me a minute to get it until I was like, wait, what?
	Okay.
	I heard it.
	Social media has really just like ripped the veil from my eyes at how fucking terrible people can be and generally are and you know the election has proven that.
	But I think I can safely say that the people who believe in this Jerusalem, Israel, end times bullshit are genuinely a very small minority of people.
	Nobody gives a shit about this.
	Yeah.
	They only give a shit about it in so far as they can say, oh, I made a liberal mad or, oh, I made a brown person mad.
	They don't think about it all the way through.
	They don't think about it at all until Trump made a special announcement, and even then they barely think about it.
	No, I mean, I wouldn't say they're doing it for the combative nature of it.
	I think there's a large degree of Christians who are like, this is what we've been waiting for.
	Evangelical Christians.
	Evangelicals specifically.
	But they're not the majority of people who identify as Christian.
	No, not the majority.
	Millions.
	Easy millions of people are like, yes, we are waiting on the second coming and this move toward Jerusalem is what's bringing that.
	It's a big enough slice of the population that I can just type in Revelation jude jerusalem and facebook and get a whole group dedicated to it yeah but at the same time like they do polls about this shit they do polls about whether or not americans care where uh where our embassy is and people do not care those are the ones generally i think people don't care but there's a small swath of people who feel vindicated by this they're like oh this is happening it's
	So we've been waiting for, like, we have more, we can maybe move our conversation forward when it comes to the end times.
	They were fucking right about something.
	That's why people will never disavow Trump is because for once in their miserable fucking life, they were right that Trump was going to be president.
	Yeah.
	They said they liked Trump.
	People told them they were fucking stupid.
	They said Trump's gonna be president.
	People said no, and they were right.
	And it's like...
	That's their life from now on is being right about Trump for the next few years.
	I see that comment so much.
	I see that comment so much.
	Nobody believed me.
	I alienated my family, my friends, but at least now I was right about something.
	Cool, have that.
	Like the liberal elites, the Washington elites, the statistical elites, they all said it wasn't going to happen.
	Yeah.
	But I was right.
	Hashtag in your face.
	Yeah, exactly.
	We gotta get to Christmas.
	Let's get to Christmas.
	Yeah, this is we're doing Christmas one.
	Speaking of in your face.
	Yeah, this is Christmas one right now.
	Well, Trump as Santa has been a huge thing in the Donalds.
	That's just all I see.
	I tried searching for memes and comments.
	All I could see was just Donald Trump dressed up as Santa.
	He's the Santa this year.
	He's giving them everything they want.
	He wasn't Santa last year, but he is this year.
	They have no imagination further than making liberals mad.
	How much of a fucking loser do you have to be to think that Like, to make saying Merry Christmas a part of your identity.
	You have to be a fucking prick dude.
	It's not even a prick, you're like a boring, desperately unfulfilled person to make this part of your manifesto.
	I'm saying this year, you know what hun?
	And she just like ignores you and keeps reading her book.
	This year I'm saying it.
	I'm saying Merry Christmas.
	Did we talk about the background of Trump sort of taking back Christmas?
	I didn't have something specifically prepared.
	Why don't you lead us in that?
	He announced that on one of his campaign rallies in July.
	Oh yeah, there's a- July!
	This right here.
	Like, we're taking back.
	Yeah, he said that in July.
	Guess what?
	We're saying Merry Christmas again.
	We're saying Merry Christmas.
	That was his rally cry.
	He said that for QVC is Christmas in July.
	QVC has the best sale in July.
	It's called Christmas in July.
	He was celebrating Christmas in July and he wanted to let you know.
	That was his gift to the people.
	That's some throwback shit right there, my man.
	It's so great.
	I think it still happens.
	It's so great to be able to say Merry Christmas now because like Before, the only legal way to say Merry Christmas was you had to move to Christmas, Michigan.
	And then you could say it.
	Because legally, you're just speaking the name of a town.
	You're not actually wishing somebody a Merry Christmas for legal purposes.
	And now you can just say it for whatever reason.
	The deep state couldn't touch you in Christmas, Michigan.
	Now you can say it with your chest.
	Merry Christmas.
	This one I just love.
	It's this sweater that's like, I don't even think it was produced at all.
	But it's a crew neck, white crew neck sweater, you know, like a mock-up.
	It's print to order.
	Yeah, print to order, basically.
	I hope somebody got this.
	So in orange font, curiously enough, it says, I was going to be a liberal for Christmas, then in black font it says, but my head wouldn't fit up my ass.
	So many levels.
	So many levels of shitty.
	Like, what the fuck?
	But why would that person be it for Christmas?
	Yeah, that's the first level.
	And why is it in orange font?
	Ugh.
	Donald.
	Skin.
	Somebody couldn't bother to mock up their own Christmas sweater, so they stole a Halloween joke idea.
	Oh, that's it.
	I thought it was a Donald Trump skin.
	Color.
	No, you would have to, uh, it would have to be a green font for reptilian skin.
	No, he's not a reptile.
	If you're gonna be a liberal.
	But no, I was gonna be a liberal for Christmas.
	Like, this guy didn't even think that that wouldn't possibly work for Christmas.
	Didn't register at all with him.
	You know, for your annual Christmas costume party.
	Yeah.
	You know how when you wear an ugly sweater for Christmas?
	Dressing up like Bill Cosby, baby, who we know was a liberal, right?
	Yep.
	Touching people.
	He had all the hallmarks.
	Yep.
	He wore some pretty nice, like, coogee sweaters, though, I think.
	They were pretty cool.
	True.
	But my head wouldn't fit up my ass.
	So he tried, god damn it.
	There goes my plan.
	I really gave it a shot.
	He got poop all over the top of his head.
	So is this trying to insinuate that liberals have giant assholes or small heads?
	They're pinheads, right?
	They're walking around with their head all the way up their ass, Alex.
	They're idiot liberals.
	This whole thing is just so superfluous.
	It's a quick one.
	It's a real quick meme.
	It's off the cuff.
	Bikers for America, which is just like a, that's a demographic I love.
	Christian bikers for Trump.
	Quote, Christian bikers for Trump.
	I love lawful biker gangs.
	There's nothing cooler than a lawful biker gang.
	Oh yeah, there's like the ones that are like, bikers for cops.
	It's like, uh, that's weird.
	Bikers are fucked up though, dude.
	They should be.
	They shouldn't be for America.
	No, they shouldn't be.
	They should be like for drugs.
	Yeah, that's like cool.
	And hate crimes.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	Yes, you're right.
	I guess these bikers are probably for hate crimes.
	Yeah, they are.
	Like drug-related hate crimes.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	Like KKK related hate crime?
	Like you're really just handling business and then it gets turned into a hate crime in court.
	Right, yeah.
	Because it happened to be like... Because you're you and you're a biker.
	It happened to be the Diablos that you were assaulting.
	Bikers for America says, what a crock!
	We can't say Merry Christmas!
	Now we have to say Happy Holidays!
	We can't call it a Christmas tree.
	It's now called a holiday tree because it might offend someone.
	If you don't like our, quote, customs...
	And it offends you so much, then leave.
	I will help you pack.
	They are called customs, and we have our traditions.
	If you agree with this, post this as your status.
	It's my freedom to say Merry Christmas.
	Do you have what it takes to repost this?
	I did, and I will continue to say, quote, Merry Christmas.
	And this has a little watermark that says, Thug Custom Cycles.
	The balls on this person.
	The Christmas balls on this person.
	The Christmas balls.
	Not as big as Sarah Huckabee Sanders is.
	Man, you flash back 20 years ago and you take social media out of this whole fucking thing.
	For one, you wouldn't have Minion Death Cult, but...
	You wouldn't have all this fucking sentiment.
	Everyone would keep their fucking shitty opinions to themselves for the most part, I would think, you know?
	Everyone would continue saying Merry Christmas.
	And it would be okay.
	Like they still do.
	Yeah, it never stopped.
	I deliver packages door-to-door and I can't fucking leave a doorstep without hearing Merry Christmas.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, you too, right?
	And I'm like, fuck, we really gotta start enforcing this no Christmas rule.
	Yeah.
	I'm gonna start fining everybody.
	And no one ever took it as far as like, no one expected you to say holiday tree.
	That's never, no one's ever expected that.
	No.
	What other purpose would it be for except for Christmas?
	Living room tree.
	I've only heard of Hanukkah bush.
	I kinda like that.
	That's just PC culture run amok.
	Yeah, man.
	It used to be called a Christmas Hanukkah tree.
	That's where the C in Hanukkah comes from, from Christmas.
	When you see C-H-N-U-K-K-A, it's a hybrid Christmas Hanukkah.
	We can't call them Christmas carols anymore, we gotta call them festive songs.
	Call them holiday tunes.
	From the Holiday Station on Sirius XM.
	We can't call them Christmas canes anymore.
	We gotta call them candy canes.
	Yeah, might as well.
	Freedom canes.
	Freedom canes.
	Hell yeah.
	Yeah, I love this.
	I love this, like... Somebody is just so... Somebody was told to be angry about saying Merry Christmas.
	About not being able to.
	Yeah, these people have to be told what to be mad about.
	They have to be given an argument.
	Well, they really feel like they've been oppressed here.
	Like, some's really... It's like, chill.
	No one's ever... Like you said, if that were the case, people wouldn't be so confident in saying it to you all every day.
	They say it to all of us every day.
	And it's like... But that's their everyday battle.
	They're fighting that everyday battle. 365.
	And have you encountered people, because I have, that say it like that.
	They say it with like a little, little Merry Christmas and like really like stick it to you.
	You had that happen?
	Oh yeah, yeah.
	It's just holiday cheer, buddy.
	You're reading too much into it.
	I can't wait for that to happen.
	There's the same kid at one of the coffee shops around us.
	The staff plays this amazing game called Stoner or Christian.
	And it's for like the college kids who you just don't know.
	And this kid is a tough one because he's always like frolicking, he doesn't wear shoes a lot.
	By frolicking I mean like dancing around with his headphones on and really cheerful.
	Like no one's watching?
	Like no one's watching.
	Like really upbeat.
	So this same kid gave me... Like it's his last days on earth perhaps.
	I think he knows.
	I don't know, he's been doing it for a minute.
	He's just always touched by the Holy Spirit, I think.
	Okay.
	So he gave me a really, I sneezed, he gave me a really emphatic, God bless you!
	And I was like, oh fuck man, I never want to sneeze again.
	It was brutal and then that sucks so then today he kind of gave me a Hey, and I was like how are you man?
	You know cuz I'm he's a nice kid He gave me a hey, and I'm like hey, and he's like Merry Christmas Christ Matt.
	I thought he thought I'd be like yeah, dude.
	Hell.
	Yeah Yeah, and I was like good morning.
	Christmas.
	Yeah, and I was like, good morning.
	It was just real.
	It was just real.
	He tried to hit me with that, Good morning!
	You hit him with the good morning and shit.
	That is such a funny scenario.
	Yeah, there's this one checker at my Stater Brothers who just always says, have a blessed day.
	And it's like, who is that up to?
	I would complain to the manager about that one.
	I'd be like, yo.
	This lady's spouting religious shit at me over here.
	Isn't that up to your god whether or not I have a blessed day?
	Right.
	I mean, blessed is a blanket term, though.
	You could have a blessed day and be an atheist.
	Sure.
	No, it means something.
	It definitely means that you have a hashtag blessed day.
	You know, blessed.
	So if you put the hashtag in front of it, it does like void it.
	It makes it said by a 21-year-old.
	You hear that Christians?
	You got to step it up a notch.
	Next time I want to hear a, may grace rain down upon you.
	That's what I want when I say goodbye to you.
	Yeah.
	I want you to take back the hashtag blessed.
	I want you to start saying it out loud.
	Put that religiousness back into the hashtag.
	I want them to get really mad at rappers for saying it because that'd be great.
	I'm going to start that.
	That'd be cool.
	I'd be happy about it.
	Okay, a couple more things.
	Yeah.
	Trump is selling a 24 karat gold MAGA ornament that he emailed an ad for to all of his followers.
	I want one, dude.
	I want one.
	It's a hat ornament.
	It's a hat ornament?
	It's a gold plated hat?
	It's like gold-trimmed.
	Like, the seams, you know, and the panels.
	Oh, that part's 24 karat plated?
	Yeah, I think so, yeah.
	That is such a bad sell.
	I'd be so pissed if I bought that fucking thing.
	But you know everybody's just gonna be like, this is cool.
	Everything is so literal with these people.
	It's just a MAGA hat ornament.
	And it's a flash sale, 24 karat gold.
	They had to think about that.
	They had to get these manufactured.
	And right here in the message it says, Friend, you heard it from President Trump from the very beginning.
	America will once again say Merry Christmas, just like the good old days.
	You're not going to have your original knee, your kids still won't talk to you, you're still going to be sleeping in separate beds with the wife, but at least people will say Merry Christmas.
	Just like the good old days.
	Just like the good old days when, you know, she had dinner waiting for you and the colored boy at work knew not to look you in the eyes.
	But you could say Merry Christmas.
	They could say Merry Christmas back to you if you said it to them first.
	So fucking wild.
	I always think of these 40-year-old men that imagine those days.
	They're like, man, I remember those days in my past life.
	I don't know.
	You were born in the 70s, motherfucker.
	Get out of here.
	But these are the people that are saying this shit.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Are people like, saw White Christmas when they were young and they just have memories of being Bing Crosby?
	Yeah.
	Large parts of the country are the good old days, I mean let's be real.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Let's skip this gentleman one, it's so stupid.
	Which one was that?
	Oh, that one?
	We won't talk about it, we just gotta describe it because people don't know it exists, but we won't talk about it at all, it's just so stupid.
	So goddamn stupid.
	Donald Trump sitting at the desk in the Oval Office, center screen, facing the camera.
	On his left is...
	Jolly old Saint Nick rubbing his belly.
	Stock photo Saint Nick.
	This is like a mall Santa Saint Nick rubbing his belly.
	Clearly edited in on the left.
	On the right is Jesus in profile.
	White Jesus.
	Also clearly edited in.
	I mean it's Jesus.
	White Jesus.
	My favorite Jesus.
	Are you sure that's not an official White House Press photo?
	It is official.
	I promise you this.
	White Jesus, by the way, is bowing his head in the presence of Donald Trump.
	Which is very interesting.
	Yeah, I thought that was weird, too.
	And Donald Trump says, Welcome back, gentlemen.
	Back to the White House.
	All three of these people are crudely photoshopped into this Oval Office?
	Yes.
	Even Donald Trump?
	This is an old Oval Office picture.
	Welcome back, gentlemen.
	Hey, it's those good old days again.
	Remember when Jesus couldn't get into the Oval Office because he was locked out?
	He's all just outside, like, knocking on it.
	Yeah.
	What's great about this too is, so my family's super Catholic, and they're even to the point, they were to the point where kind of like, put Christ back in Christmas.
	Not put Christmas in everyone's faces, but put Christ back in Christmas, right?
	Take the materialism out of it.
	Take the materialism out of it.
	Santa Claus is not the point, Jesus is the point.
	And so they're like, nah, nah, nah.
	They're a tag team.
	They're the Hardy Brothers.
	One's not good without the other.
	It is pretty flagrant.
	I was thinking about that too.
	Maybe flagrant's the wrong word, but just interesting how this is obviously a Christian argument about how we We have to say Merry Christmas again because, you know, it's the reason for the season.
	And also Santa Claus is the reason for the season.
	You don't get presents from Santa Claus if you don't say Merry Christmas at least three times before Christmas Eve.
	And it's just interesting how hard they're leaning into the materialistic side of it because that was, I remember growing up, that was a big, you know, anti-Santa.
	Yeah, totally.
	Santa is a false god.
	But Saving Christmas, what's that guy's name?
	The former child actor who became like a Christian movie.
	Kirk Cameron.
	Like he had that movie, Saving Christmas, was just all about how, no, the material aspects of Christmas are actually good.
	They're actually great.
	And what makes Christmas great?
	And so you don't have to change a thing about yourself or your practices to be a good Christian.
	You're already there.
	You're already there.
	He's just a mouthpiece for just the consuming evangelical right.
	Absolutely.
	I mean, yeah.
	He's terrible.
	If there's one faction of Christianity that is materialistic, it's the evangelicals who are willing to pay like $80 for a bucket of food that you can then shit in when the end times happen.
	Absolutely. - Absolutely.
	The thing about Christmas for me is so I mean, I don't know.
	I celebrate Christmas.
	I'm not Christian at all, but I celebrate Christmas.
	Yeah, Christmas is great.
	Yeah, I do Christmas for sure, right?
	I do Christmas.
	I think a bunch of people I know do Christmas.
	That's why I wanted to do this episode, because I haven't been really feeling the Christmas spirit, and I feel like... It's a hard year to feel the Christmas spirit.
	And the only reason why I really push Christmas and I really push Santa, because I have a kid, right?
	I have a young... How'd you get a hold of a kid?
	Um, I just found her.
	She looks a little bit like me, so it works.
	Nice.
	You can like get in and out of Chuck E. Cheese with her.
	Exactly, yeah.
	She used to go drink beers there now.
	I have a daughter, she's four, and so we push Santa Claus real hard.
	Santa Claus is very real.
	I push Santa Claus heavy, and let me tell you why.
	No spoilers, earmuff the kids, if you're listening to this for the kids, don't.
	So the reason why I push Santa Claus real hard is because one day she will have to come to terms with the fact that Santa Claus doesn't exist.
	And now, I remember that and it kind of came pretty easily for me, right?
	Now that's just going to help her come to terms when she realizes also that Jesus doesn't exist.
	So I need her, this is training for her because I know that her grandmother and everybody is really pushing that guy in her face behind my back.
	I know that for a fact.
	So when she realized that Santa Claus isn't real, she can also accept that Jesus isn't real and it'll be really easy for her.
	Yeah, that's great.
	Christmas is very important.
	Santa Claus is like the golden retriever.
	You buy your kids so that later on when mommy and daddy die, it's not as bad.
	Exactly.
	Let's move on to the final thing I want to talk about, which might be the best thing, at least in my opinion.
	Uh, which is our boy, our soy boy, Paul Joseph Watson.
	Oh boy.
	PJW.
	Dickface.
	Who, uh, saw some greetings, greeting cards in the store and noticed that, uh, these were, these were branded charity cards.
	Hmm.
	And, uh, sent, sent out a tweet that says, charity cards fuck off.
	They're Christmas cards.
	And so apparently Paul Joseph Watson is unfamiliar that Charity Cards is the name of the company and they print Christmas cards for charity.
	It's like a fantastic thing.
	It's like a really cool thing that's very much in the Christmas spirit.
	Is Paul Joseph Watson British?
	No.
	Oh yeah, he is, huh?
	That's right, this guy.
	It's hard to know where he's from because he only appears levitating before a giant atlas.
	I just love that it's a very cool thing.
	If you have the chance to buy these, you probably should.
	That's funny.
	Fuck you, charity cards!
	Charity in Britain over the Christmas time was a big part of their culture.
	Big time.
	So he, I feel like he's looking at it from like a very American perspective on consumerism.
	That's his whole thing, yeah.
	He probably knows that he has a large American following.
	Yeah, he's probably really big over here.
	But I'd love just to type a person to see the phrase charity card.
	And really want to stick it to them.
	And just your immediate reaction is vitriolic.
	American Greetings?
	No, it's called Happy Fourth of July.
	Say it right.
	Say it right.
	American Greetings.
	That's a card company, bro!
	Oh my god.
	Oh my god.
	Yeah, and he just feels real vindicated the whole time.
	It's just extraordinarily petty and I fucking love it.
	Alright, that's it for the show.
	Thank you so much Michael for coming on and doing this.
	Thanks for having me.
	Do you want to plug anything?
	No.
	No magazines?
	This isn't the time of year for that.
	No, I just want to plug Christmas.
	It's time to say fuck you charity!
	I'm here to say that I'm happy that I could say Merry Christmas.
	Yeah, thanks Trump for ushering Christmas back in, man.
	you did it so write to the show MinionDeathCult at gmail.com Twitter Instagram Facebook at MinionDeathCult if you like the show give us a rating and review on iTunes it would really help us out also subscribe if you're listening to the show make sure you've hit that subscribe button because that that's what counts in iTunes that's what helps us ascend to a higher plane of iTunes ratings
	yeah and like Matt always says if you have - Criticisms, we're happy to hear them.
	We're still infantile.
	Suggestions on how to make the show better that don't revolve around me changing my behavior or values in any way, we'd love to hear.
	Like if you could just tell me that all my ums and errs are... that's just what podcasting is all about.
	It's true.
	You can't literally edit out all of the literallys and ums.
	No, you just can't do that.
	So, uh, I don't know.
	Thanks for listening.
	We've been MinionDeathCult.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	We've been MinoraDeathCult.
	Yeah, dude.

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