Subscribe. Witness Minion Death Cult to your impressionable friends and family. Rate and Review, that we may ascend to a higher plane of iTunes statistics. This episode: Paul Joseph Watson develops a totally-new theory (this one has a hat!) about how soy turns men into “straight” leftists. Alpha Fatherbookers share testimonials about their and their children’s masculinity. The most miserable members of r/thedon_ald come to terms with their own soy boyhood and ask the comments section for help. Gorilla Mindman Mike Cernovich demonstrates how his alpha punditry dominates that of the beta soy boy late-night talkshow lineup
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
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We are Minion Death Cult.
*Groans* I'm Alexander Edward.
Mount Matt.
Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
Today we are talking about the soy boy phenomenon.
Absolutely.
Started, possibly, by Paul Joseph Watson.
Color me surprised.
What's his catchphrase?
Oh, I don't know his catchphrase.
Imagine my shock.
That's his catchphrase.
Oh, that's this video.
Is that the guy in the video that we watched?
Yes, that's the guy.
He looks like a soy boy himself.
The British InfoWars guy.
Yeah, this video is just all projection.
We can get that out of the way right now.
This video is like a desperate attempt to make these incel basement dweebs look as masculine as possible.
So basically, yeah, Paul Joseph Watson from Infowars has a new theory as to why leftists are such effeminate bitches.
The uh the subtitle or the title on Facebook for this video is uh why some quote straight men act so effeminate so you're already getting like what he's going for right there uh why would they do that if they're straight you know if they get you know Because like straight men are like men men.
Yeah, they're doing it with chicks.
Authentic men.
They don't got no problem.
Well, they're bad.
These men are bad, so they're probably gay.
They're off.
So the theory is that soy contains a form of estrogen, a plant form of estrogen.
Yeah.
Do they call it pheno or something?
Phenoestrogen?
Phyto.
Phytoestrogen?
And, uh, we all know estrogen is, uh, quote, the, the quote, womanly hormone.
Oh yeah, yuck, dude, yo.
As described in this video, uh, therefore soy turns you into a woman.
And, uh, being a woman is bad, so soy is bad.
Math, science, that's it.
That's the theory behind it.
Um, eating soy makes you a bitch, and being a bitch makes you a leftist.
Okay, that's all this is.
All checks out on my end.
Yeah, feel free to watch this video if you want to hear Paul Joseph Watson say, "'Sup, boy," fucking 25 times.
If that sounds at all appealing to you, watch this video.
Or, you know, he does that, like, speed-up chipmunk effect on his already ridiculous voice.
And this like seemingly soft man calling all soft men soft, it's pretty great.
This is his only option.
Yeah.
It's a lot of projecting.
It's a lot of projecting.
He's like what?
Like 5'2"?
Probably?
He's never been called a large person.
For sure.
Definitely not a large man.
Never been called a large man.
Ever.
Like even in his video, even in his videos which are just from the chest up, he looks short.
Yeah.
You can tell he's a vampire that just only drinks milk.
And stays in all night.
Whole milk.
You know how he has that, like, atlas behind him on the wall as a backdrop?
I think that's just meant to make him look giant.
Yeah.
He's larger than the continent of Africa.
He's like, I'm about as big as the entire world spread out.
I could just take all these little islands out.
Just slap, gone.
They should get rid of them because, you know, they're not white.
So, this video is just filled with, you know, anybody who is a feminist is a bitch.
Anybody who is at all concerned about refugees is a bitch.
And all of this supposed humanitarianism is described as virtue signaling, which is the sociopath's way of describing morality and ethics.
Right, and then he also talks about how these guys will care about feminism just to... Just to get laid.
Yeah.
Because that's the way his mind works.
Why else would you care about somebody who isn't Paul Joseph Watson?
This is Tony's theory about...
About projection is correct here.
I think yeah, I think I think Alex started that one, but I yeah Well, what it would which theory well that projection a lot of projections.
Oh, yeah.
Well, yeah, I mean, that's just obvious I think that counts as a theory.
That's like the premise.
Yeah.
So yeah, it's basically saying these Anybody who is a left-leaning, you know, person is also consuming a lot of soy.
The soy boy.
That might be why people get leftist politics.
And didn't he have like, he has like a compilation, like he has like a list of Yeah, somebody else compiled a list of infamous leftists on Twitter, basically just to dox and harass them, but Paul Joseph Watson found a more specific use for it, which is like, combing through their feed to find mentions of soy and not understanding jokes, basically.
So we're not gonna bother debunking this, A, because it's fucking Infowars, an outlet so ridiculous that they have to own up to how ridiculous Alex Jones is by including a clip of him in this video in the infamous frogs are gay moment.
Like, they have to laugh at it because there's no other option.
Alex is also categorized as entertainment and not news.
In what?
I think it's his legal- On YouTube?
Yeah, well, I recall his- In the YouTube category?
Attorney somehow has him classified as an entertainer and not a political analyst.
Probably a good move.
Yeah, well, I mean, he just came out and said it was all an act.
I'm not this insane.
I would not harm my children.
This is actually special effects makeup making me this complexion and shine and wetness and red.
So yeah, like I said, we're not going to bother debunking this because it's already been debunked.
There are plenty of entertaining videos on YouTube debunking this.
There's even a scientific meta-analysis you can read on the studies that have been conducted.
Unfortunately, no studies conducted by Paul Joseph Watson, so I feel like he hasn't had his say in that meta-analysis.
But even Paul Joseph Watson listeners were debunking this in his own comment section.
Yep.
They were like, yo, this isn't real.
I'm a big fan of yours, but you're such a bitch my three-year-old daughter could beat you in an arm wrestling contest.
Love you, though.
Love your other videos, dude.
Somebody pointing out, like, the Brain Force.
You see that?
Oh, yeah.
So, the Info Wars supplement, the Brain Force supplement... That Paul Joseph Watson claims to take before every video he records.
Yeah, he plugs it every single time.
Contains soy.
See, the hypocrisy there doesn't really work because not for a moment do I believe that he actually takes the supplement he's shilling to his followers.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
The proof is in the pudding.
If he did, he would be soft.
You know what's crazy?
All the people that do think this shit is real?
Oh yeah.
We have an entire comment section lined up from Facebook, and we got a couple tasty memes from Instagram, and another couple tasty morsels from Reddit.
But first of all, I just want to go over, like, what the side effects are considered.
You know, these specific side effects.
So, the general side effect, according to Paul Joseph Watson of eating soy, is feminine traits.
Feminine traits like it being harder to handle stress.
Being triggered.
Being scared of loud noises.
Doesn't he say, like, easily, like, scared?
Yeah, it's being scared of loud noises and then it's like a video of some dweeb getting scared.
And then, of course, growing bitch tits because, of course, Fight Club plays a role in this man's politics and worldview.
Also, like, you know, Paul Joseph Watts, a notorious, like, anti-trans person.
Transgenderism doesn't exist, but eating soy will literally turn you into a woman.
Yes.
Right.
Yep.
That's great.
They're only two genders.
You can't go back and forth, but eating a soy turns you into a woman.
Yeah, it's like every single video is its own universe, you know?
It's like its own little... This video is from like the Marvel Universe.
There's other videos from like DC Universe.
The magic doesn't cross over.
To choose your own adventure, basically, as far as politics are concerned.
Yeah, this ties back into one of the arguments that I love about millennial grip strength.
Have you guys heard this?
Oh, I think so.
Are we lacking in a grip?
Yeah, millennials lack the grip strength of our ancestors.
Thanks to my wiener, dude.
Yeah, this is an argument that old dudes who hang out on Twitter love to make, as if by virtue of being from an older generation with a higher average of grip strength, that automatically makes them some sort of over-the-top Stallone, bodybuilder, arm wrestle.
And this science was done through Twitter and, you know, people correlating and understanding that they all have very strong grips just by telling each other.
No, you read the statistics and you're like, oh shit, yeah, now I have a strong grip.
I didn't know that.
Well, remember when we all got our grips measured last year for the census?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's true.
We didn't hold up.
We didn't do this.
See, I didn't answer the door.
Otherwise, I would have boosted the numbers.
Oh, they know.
They know when you grip things.
It's like one of those automatic scales that sends in your BMI to your doctor, you know?
You have to grip... I don't know.
What do you grip every morning?
You know.
I don't know.
Doorknobs?
Toothpaste?
See, that's the problem.
We just don't grip anything anymore.
It's true.
It's true.
Everything's like touch and swipe.
We're so spoiled.
I'm trying so hard to hold back these jokes.
Are you doing this on purpose to me right now?
Oh, a dick joke?
Yeah!
Yeah, but I thought you already made that joke.
I gotta make more.
It hasn't stopped yet.
It's all a dick joke.
Keep talking about it.
This really is all a dick joke.
I think they talk about genital shrinking.
And then they even get like a bodybuilder to chime in on why he doesn't eat soy because soy has feminine hormones in it or womanly hormones.
You guys are goddamn jerk.
I was like, who is this guy?
His name's Eric.
Thule or something and I looked him up and his webpage, his tagline is bodybuilder, meditator, creator.
Oh cool.
Sounds like he's been eating some soy.
On the low.
Yeah.
And meditating.
Cause I don't meditate like Mel Softy.
You can only eat, uh, you can only meditate when you eat soy.
A lot of bodybuilders.
Yeah, you can only meditate if you've already been bodybuilding for 10 years.
Yeah.
If not, you need soy.
And the only food that you can eat before meditating is soy.
Otherwise, you'll puke everything up.
But it's like a surprise.
Being a bodybuilder and having a massive amount of grip strength isn't as valuable in the information age.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this guy's like, I was getting soft, and then I decided to use spray tan and wax my entire body, but I didn't want to have soy to turn me into an actual...
Yeah, we're looking at this monster giving us dietary advice.
As if any rational person would want to take it.
There's a couple bodybuilders spewing this stuff out there for sure.
Like, I wouldn't be this huge if I ate soy.
This is all red meat and whole milk.
Right, and some of the largest debunking has come from the vegan bodybuilding community.
Exactly.
Our friend Romeo's buff as fuck and he's been vegan for like 12 years.
He's a big dude.
And you see a huge influx of plant-based supplements wherever you buy supplements too.
It was really hard for me not to respond to all this with like, well I'm a man because I've been vegan for a long time.
But I don't want to respond with that.
I don't want to be like, hey, listen, the proof's in these biceps I got right here.
The proof is in all this beard I have.
I'm a man.
I mean, you never know.
Maybe if you weren't drinking soy, you'd be 6'5", instead of 6'3", or 6'4".
Yeah, who knows?
It's insane.
But I don't want to respond with that.
That's just kind of, you know, they're winning with that.
So I'll just see them on the streets.
Yeah, exactly.
You find out where they live and you just show up and that way you don't have to lower yourself to typing it out.
And what am I going to do if I go in and I'm like, listen guys, I ate so much soy this week and I'm still going to beat your ass.
They'd be so confused in that moment.
That actually probably happens, though.
I drank five bottles of soy and my pussy is sopping wet.
It's ready to go.
Get over here.
I'm not a soy boy, but I might be a LaCroix boy.
Yeah, we can tell.
For sure.
For sure, LaCroix boy.
So what are the side effects?
Five very similar.
You burp all the time.
Starting way too many podcasts.
Yeah.
Easily.
Two is way too many.
That's two too many.
Okay, let's get into the Facebook comments section of this podcast.
So I am, of course, our chief Facebook analyst, and this is what I've culled from this video, specifically.
Gary Ittings says, I've been an alpha male my entire life, and it's good to know that never, like, dipped at any point.
No, no.
Since the day I was birthed.
I've been an alpha male my entire life and at 41 I'm still capable of shit 20 year olds can't keep up with.
No soy for me ever.
Red meat daily, but never soy.
Roofers do shit every day that normal people will never be capable of.
And I'm fueled by protein and never soy.
Ever.
Raise your children right and force meat on them because the world has enough pussies.
What the fuck?
Fuck.
Like, I don't know if I've ever met a kid who just naturally didn't want to eat meat.
Yeah.
So, I don't think it's hard to get your kids to eat meat is what I'm saying.
No, hot dogs are meat.
Chicken nuggets are meat.
So when he says force meat on them, like does that mean give them twice the amount they would eat on their own?
You gotta make him sit at the table with, like, a bowl full of chicken nuggets.
No, he means force meat on them, much like how you make foie gras.
You just take a pipe and stick it down the throat and then shove meat down there.
Right, that's not illegal yet.
Probably raw meat.
Sure he doesn't mean, like, take a whole side of beef and force it on your kid and, like, smash your kid with a knife?
Pretty soon California's gonna make that illegal.
But what's funny is his last sentence I'm kinda with.
You know, boxed, frozen, fast food, or processed food is for the, oh, no, I don't read this out of spot.
Never mind.
It's for the fat, lazy idiots.
But yeah, I think it's cool.
He's like, you know, I'm doing, I'm making my quote unquote real food.
Whatever, dude.
Fast food rules, boxed food rules, frozen food rules.
I had a gas station cheeseburger for dinner tonight at work.
Oh, wait, from where?
From A.M.P.M.?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, dude, I thought about- They literally have too much good stuff.
I think about an A.M.P.M.
cheeseburger once every two weeks.
It's good.
It's a cafeteria burger, boy.
These have the triple.
Do these have the triple?
No.
They didn't even have a double.
They had one single cheeseburger.
And I was like, alright, I guess I'll get some spicy peanuts, too.
That was the good old days.
They had a triple cheeseburger there at one point.
Damn.
It was... I used to... I was a large little boy.
Take it to the condiment bar, dude.
That buffalo sauce on that cheeseburger?
That's good stuff.
You take it to the condiment bar, put sauce on there.
Some onion cheese sauce.
Yeah, you add some cheese sauce to that bad boy.
No, but anyway, yeah.
Raise your children right.
Force meat on them.
Maybe, like, maybe he's actually, like, he's not allowed contact with his children, and so he has to force his way in to feed them meat.
Maybe that's what he means here.
Don't we have to eat the meat?
Does it have to be around the meat?
I think he means, like, take chuck roasts and, like, press them on his children.
Like, smash them onto his children.
Exactly.
Like, here, forcing... You're full?
Well, here, let osmosis do the rest.
Yeah.
The kids go to school just stinking like beef.
Much like how a black eye is the swell introduced by putting some topsoil on there, you can also soak out estrogen from your son so it can be a man.
Or an alpha male from the jump.
You can even do it to a girl and it'll soak all the estrogen out and it'll become a man.
Right, and then she won't be afraid of loud noises anymore.
No.
Which is good for when we go shooting.
Yeah, you can send her to war at that point.
Editor's note.
So this is the point at which Matt's stoned foot kicked my microphone preamp and turned his own mic off.
So I did what I could.
You can kind of still hear him.
And if not, oh well, right?
Patrick McAuliffe says, I don't consume anything soy and just about a year ago I found out my testosterone levels were in the 300s and supposed to be in the 600s and I take shots no anyone know why my levels could drop so low plus I lack the energy because I'm always tired I have about 300 testosterone nerd on the internet that I need 600 of them.
You know how they say don't go to WMD?
Yeah, exactly.
Wait, is that what it's called?
WebMD.
Same thing, right?
Yeah.
Don't go to WebMD.
Well, I would say double.
Don't go to PJW.
Yeah.
For your medical advice.
This is like third-hand knowledge.
You're not getting it from Paul Joseph Watson, who's already gotten it filtered through his rat brain from some primary source.
You're getting it from his followers.
Because Jerry Jacobs Jr.
Jerry Jacob Jr.
Is that really his name?
It's really his name.
Yeah, absolutely.
Whenever he goes out.
The people.
Oh, yep.
Jerry Jacob Jr.
It's in the food and water.
Got any sleeping issues?
Patrick responds, yeah, I do hard to sleep most of the time.
What's funny is, so this starts as like a brag, right?
This starts like, listen, I've never eaten any soy, no soy for me, no way.
And then it ends with like a plea for help.
Well, he's just so confused.
He's like, fuck, my testosterone is terrible.
I take shots for it.
And then his favorite YouTube vlogger, PJW, throws a video in his face that's like, hey, it's soy.
It's gotta be the soy.
That's what's making you such a puss.
But I don't consume any soy.
I don't drink any soy, so how could I have low testosterone?
Like, I don't get it.
This is the reason, according to Paul Joseph Watson.
It's in the water.
The soy is in the water.
It's this goddamn genetic hand he was dealt.
Well, there's this theory that, um...
Oh yeah.
The birth control.
Birth control being flushed down toilets actually does put estrogen in the water, which can't be filtered out through the filtration process.
I don't have the source on that, but I read it from more reliable sources than Paul Joseph Watson.
Of course, it's not an epidemic.
It's... I think a lot of this has to do, you know, a lot of the so-called Effemination?
What's the word I'm looking for?
Yeah, sure.
Effeminizing of men?
Is it due to natural selection, anyway?
Because, you know, maybe women don't want some fucking gorilla mindset.
What's up, Cernovich?
Bro to beat their brains in?
Yeah.
At a moment's notice?
It's pretty simple.
I'm gonna go on a limb here and say that maybe there's always been chunks of men that have somewhat androgynous traits.
And they never get laid though, that's the thing.
David Bowie... I consider myself to be extremely androgynous.
I was thinking of my favorite androgynous man of all time.
Who's that?
The manliest man that I've ever been.
John Wayne.
Jesus Christ.
You found something, Tony, that has to be a joke, right?
I hope it is.
It's from...
Christian anti-Marxist neocons and something else at Bible and Freedom.
So this is like... On Instagram.
That's their... Did you look at any of their other posts?
Yes.
I don't know if it's a running joke, they're all pretty... They're pretty hot takes?
Pretty out there, pretty hot takes.
So, like I said, Jesus Christ being a beautiful man, my favorite Jesus is the Jesus that's depicted.
It's kind of like beautiful, white, flowy hair, blue-eyed, fair-skinned, gorgeous, sweet little Jesus.
The Jesus.
The Jesus.
And then this caption says, this is about how Jesus might be, is not a soy boy, but the image we're seeing is a farce.
The holy spirit didn't find it necessary to give us a physical description of our lord, but here is one of the images Satan produced for us.
A soft, weak, effeminate type.
Compared to the powerful judge who will rule on believers with a rod of iron, my lord of lords is no soy boy.
there's no hashtag soy boy the it's the one that Satan gave us so that he thinks we feel like same comply with because Satan can whip that dude's ass This is gay Jesus right here.
That's a feminine sway of words.
Satan would just kick his lily ass.
I don't, I don't find this credible because I feel like the vent, I feel like the vent, well, this is not satire.
I don't find this a genuine meme because the vent, the slice in this overlapping vent diagram is not large enough for a person to habitate it.
It is, it is.
Because you have, you have the soy boy alt-right Because that's like an alt-right meme.
Yeah.
The soyboy thing.
Like, you have to be watching Infowars and shit to get that.
But then you also have somebody who's like a Christian fundamentalist who feels like God rules with an iron rod.
Yeah, absolutely.
A hot, throbbing iron rod.
Well, this is...
It also has a second image which is a picture of text from the Bible which I'm not going to read because it's way too long.
But it's talking about some like, you know, this little snippet from it.
And he shall rule them with a rod of iron, and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
That dude right there, that dude is a fucking badass.
Whoever that dude is, that dude does not look like the soft soy boy.
I got involved in a conversation at work today with a guy I assume is the Venn Diagram person.
Do you want me to save this for later?
No, just do it now.
I was telling my co-worker earlier about the show we're recording tonight and told him about this soy boy thing.
Huh.
He's like, I've never heard of this.
He's like, that's pretty weird.
That's the correct response.
Yeah, that's good.
You're doing good.
I've never heard of this.
That's weird.
Moving on.
And then like an hour later, I go into his office and he's on speakerphone with his buddy and he's like, hey Matt.
He's like, so, so what were we talking about earlier?
Like estrogen or there's estrogen in soy and it gives guys tits.
And I was like, oh yeah, we were talking about that earlier and his boy's on the phone right there and he's just like Oh yeah, you know, it's got phytoestrogen in it and it gives guys tits.
An anonymous person on the other end of a speakerphone.
That's a good enough source for me.
It was so bizarre.
It was really weird.
It happened in a flash.
And I was like, well yeah, it's a tactic.
It's like a right-wing meme tactic, troll tactic on the internet.
And he's just like, The guy went quiet for a minute and my coworker looked at me and he kind of gave me this smile and then the dude's like, well, uh, I donated to the Trump campaign.
I voted for Trump, so yeah, and I was just like, okay, well... So red meat over here.
Red meat on this end of the line.
Well, I mean, voting for Trump was also like a right-wing meme tactic.
Yeah.
So it makes sense.
Craig Peters, much like our previous commenter, finally, the root cause of pussification.
I feel enlightened and live soy free.
Gonna screw the wife and take a ride on my bike.
Absolutely.
The most masculine pursuit possible.
A nice bike ride.
Yeah prostate crushed by a fucking bike.
Yeah The bike was literally considered one of one of the I Don't know if not one of just a Very helpful cause in women's emancipation, you know It was like a woman's first self-sufficient mode of transportation.
It was actually part of the feminist movement.
And Susan B. Anthony talked about how... Suffrage thing?
Yeah, well, yeah.
And like, men would burn effigies of women on bicycles.
No, this guy's like a secret feminist.
He just doesn't know it.
No, but like as somebody who worked at a bike shop for a long time, this is a person.
This is, there's a lot of these guys out there.
There's a lot of these, they're like, they're like, yeah, like, I like fucking ride my bike.
Like, cause I'm a man.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Definitely that, that person's yeah.
Real.
I know a bunch of these guys.
And that name is Craig.
I know Craig Peters.
Craig Peters got 173 likes on this.
Yeah, of course he did.
That's wild!
He must be the most popular cyclist in his town, man.
He got that many likes because everybody knows a fucking Craig Peters and they thought it was their friend.
Hey, Craig Peters!
Dude, he's talking about fucking his wife and riding a bike around.
What the hell?
Uh, this is one of my favorites.
KJ Swims says, No skinny or bedazzled jeans.
No man buns.
No fruity drinks.
No excessive grooming.
No figure skating.
No dancing.
Parentheses.
Slow is okay, but a woman has to be involved.
Your own wedding is okay.
Guidelines.
This is a woman, by the way.
Yeah, when it's okay to slow dance.
No dancing.
Slow is okay.
So just, yeah.
No dancing in order to express joy.
Yeah, no way.
It's a forbidden emotion.
Stone face.
The next one's a really high ask.
Yeah, must be sturdily built as byproduct of your lifestyle or occupation, not the gym.
He should also know how to change a tire, drive a stick, and not leave it up to me to take care of business if somebody tries to attack us on the street.
Literally traits that Paul Joseph Watson does not possess.
Any of these traits.
I love that it's a...
Her avatar is a picture of her and her three kids, so I feel like this is just she... gotten kicked off of Tinder.
It's her and, like, she has, like, three daughters in this picture, and now these, hopefully, you know, these daughters realize that their mom's fucking whack, and that, like, this is not a standard for any human to, like, feel, you know?
Listen, I was... Listen, Jacob, I thought we were gonna be good, but I saw you dancing, and my mom said I'm not gonna date no fucking pussies.
So, how about you grow a pair?
This is in third grade.
Uh, no, this just reads like a Personals ad.
Yeah.
No skinnier bedazzled jeans.
No man buns.
No fruity drinks.
He should also know how to- like, this just turns into her, her dating profile.
Yeah, this is what she's looking for.
Halfway through.
He should also know how to change attire.
Like, this is like the list that, uh, the Mary Poppins children sing at the beginning of that movie.
Yeah!
He should also know how to change a tire and kick that F-bomb's ass.
What is that scenario where they're getting attacked and someone's like, oh babe, you got this?
You got this?
I don't want to leave it up to you, but you got this?
No, yeah, this is, I mean, it's imminent.
Attack is imminent.
When you're a fan of Paul Joseph Watson, an attack by a Muslim rape gang is right around the corner.
Well, luckily, all her enemies are soy boys, so she could probably just take them.
What's funny is, when I was looking for this stuff, I guess soy boy for a while was something that was kind of embraced by people who were eating tofu and soy sauce.
You're talking about this was just another like organic pun intended hashtag that arose out of the vegan community.
Because right at about mid-October it flips.
Because you're talking about on Instagram you're looking through the hashtag because you are of course the Instagram correspondent.
I'm looking at it chronologically and it's, you know, hashtag soy boy.
There's some guy eating some like ill ass spring rolls and like, or drinking a fucking latte.
And it says hashtag soy boy.
And they're all kind of like fun little jokes.
And then it just flips.
And then all of a sudden you see like anime little boys being made fun of.
And like, it's just, yeah, it took off.
And that's where, like, all these tweets that he's mocking are being culled from.
They're being culled from, like, you know, vegan community.
Like, vegans on Twitter who are like, gotta have my soy.
And Paul Joseph Watson is like, see this man has a mental illness.
You see the color of his t-shirt?
He literally has to have his soy.
I only wore pink in October and I feel drizzy.
Chester Chua Veloso says, how to lower your estrogen level?
Watch Dirty Harry movies.
Unfollow BuzzFeed.
Watch the Red Pill documentary.
Go and then browse 4chan slash pull.
So basically what he's saying is, uh, Don't be around women.
Because estrogen is transferred through the air, through osmosis, so watch the Red Pill documentary, browse 4chan and pull, and ensure that you will never be in the proximity of a woman again.
That's how you lower your estrogen level.
And then eventually you don't exercise any social skills and then turn to forcing yourself upon a woman.
Well, it's just like abstinence.
Abstinence is the only way you can guarantee you're not going to get pregnant.
It's the only way to be 100% that you're not going to get pregnant is abstinence.
Abstain from being around women.
You will become soft like them.
It's the only way to prevent becoming pregnant with womanly emotion.
Let me move on.
Next one.
Faith Walters says, I first discovered the dangers of soy almost 20 years ago when a friend of mine had her baby daughter on a strict soy diet with soy formula and soy milk and her daughter began to develop breasts.
They found the baby's estrogen levels were extremely high and she had to be taken off her soy diet.
Well, for starters, no one should just eat soy formula and soy milk and that's it in their life.
That's not healthy.
But this didn't happen.
You gotta start off like another mammal, drinking milk.
I also noticed, like, this baby had fat on her face as well.
She was growing boobs.
She was growing a boob on each cheek.
It's like this is not what happened here.
Growing boobs on her cheek?
What the fuck?
So you're saying the baby was gaining weight like it's supposed to?
Gary Maloney says, remember all those various... Oh, I like this one.
This one's for us, boys.
This is California-specific.
Jerry Maloney... Oh, yep.
Jerry Maloney says, remember all those various household substances that read, this substance, according to the state of California, is known to cause cancet?
Yep.
Well, masculinity to Californians is cancer.
Zing.
Got us.
So maybe those betas should try eating more red meat and handling more hops number nine gun oil if they want their testicles to be larger than raisins.
Those soy boys are the reasons baby boomers say goddamn we need a war.
I love this.
Holy shit.
So, uh, what I think, don't only just handle these cancer-causing substances to ensure that your testicles grow.
Rub them on your testicles so that they reach an enormous size and you can display your masculinity to the world.
This guy probably dipped his balls in fucking snake oil.
And Hops No.
9 gun oil.
Yeah.
This is bizarre, this guy's a fucking freak.
What I love, I did not look at his picture.
His picture is him with a, um, a falcon?
Yeah!
Like an actual, like it's a photograph of him.
And the thing is, he looks like a damn sweetheart.
He has like the sweetest little smile on, little beard, and a falcon.
Jerry Maloney fool you, dude.
Wow, Jerry Maloney is, I mean he's a, obviously he's a bad, he has a falcon with him.
Masculinity to Californians is cancer.
It is, man.
Did you hear what happened?
Josh caught masculinity.
But we're all praying for him.
Prayers do nothing.
Oh, hold on, wait, we don't pray.
Not in California.
Prayers do nothing for masculinity, Tony.
It's true.
I just want to read two.
Two more, and then we'll move on.
Anthony Nichols says... As soon as I finished watching this, I checked the ingredients on my three-year-old's fetus shirt.
It does contain soy, so I dumped it out.
It doesn't seem to have affected him at all, though.
I mean, he's all boy.
Well, my wife left me, and I fucking dumped out all of his goddamn formula.
I'm just gonna feed him beer, and... Can you imagine that conversation?
Listen, babe, we gotta throw this stuff out.
This $30 PDA shirt.
It has soy in it!
Listen, do you want a dancer or a goddamn soldier?
We gotta make decisions now.
You want somebody who can program a computer or somebody who can, like, grip a 2x4?
Really, really good.
Do you want someone to come home with a Prius?
You want a boy to come home with a Prius?
It doesn't seem to have affected him, though.
I mean, he's all boy.
My boy's got a fuckin' six-inch long dick.
Well, it hasn't shrunk at all.
I've been measuring it every day and it has not shrunk at all.
God.
He's never failed to get an erection once.
Oh, God.
I poke it all the time, and it just pops right up.
Brandon, uh, this is the last one, uh, Brandon Walters says, Yup, I have breasts that don't go away even when my body is at peak physical condition.
I'm sorry, Brandon.
I'm only laughing because it's in this comment section.
Oh yeah, it's so good.
Listen guys, let's not make this about breasts.
Let's make this about being, you know, emotionally available.
He goes on to say, I'm five foot ten, tall, and my body weight then, okay, It was 173.
He hasn't, uh, he hasn't said any sort of time frame, but... Hold on.
Just wait for it.
Then was 173.
According to the Army's chart, there we go, which is what I use for BMI reference, I was at peak physical condition, strong, workout, and spent four years in the Army.
Pixar's not true.
But never seen to gain pecs.
Only flabby little tits.
It really sucks.
I'm 250 pounds now, so it doesn't matter anyway.
Dog, you just gained 75 pounds, player.
Also, my right testicle is about half the size of my left one.
Oh no.
I think the army gave me some weird shit.
Probably most of us.
Experimenting on our bodies.
Okay, this guy just went off on a fucking tangent, dude.
Again, ending with some crazy plea for help.
This is like- This is like so sad because Paul- Paul Joseph Watson's like bread and butter is making fun of fat women and making fun of- making fun of trans people by specifically calling them like Insane and saying they have mental mental disabilities.
He calls it that, right?
He's like, yeah, being trans is a mental illness, right?
And it's just it's just nothing but like Family guy racism and laughing at handicapped people or people you call handicapped so that then you can laugh at them because it's funnier that way and this this dude is such a bootlicker Brandon Walters not only was he in the army, but
He comes onto the comment section to put himself prostrate in the comment section to let everybody else know that yes, this is true.
I am a bitch and I have bitch tits.
I've got small tits.
And it's because of estrogen.
That I didn't take, the army gave to me.
Yeah, they fucking pumped them full of baby formula.
They experimented on all of us.
Okay, that's all I got for Facebook.
Poor dude.
I found some gems on Instagram for sure.
So, 1488nationalist.
That's such a charged name.
So, a history buff.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
That's a charged-ass name for sure.
A history buff and a fan of the National League.
For sure.
This person would just love to say, you know, I don't know.
Is this a smart way of saying white power?
Is that what they're trying to go for here?
Anyways, it's a charged ass profile.
It's two pictures of a shocked crowd.
I don't know what's happening in the pictures, but... Well, this is the crowd that was there when Hillary lost.
That's basically what they're implying.
Oh, yeah.
It's a shocked crowd.
Everyone's devastated.
Everyone is devastated.
There are a couple...
Well, read the text first and then...
The text says, Progressive males are not men.
They move and gesticulate like women.
The quote, hand over mouth gesture is one example.
Physically repulsive.
Jesus.
And it has two young men with their hands over their mouths.
That's it.
In total shock at Hillary's defeat.
That would not have happened back in my day.
We would not have done that.
I mean, to be fair, these guys shouldn't have been so shocked that Hillary lost.
That's a good point.
But, I mean, they just have their hands over their face.
But if we would have lost, we would have handled it like men.
If Trump would have lost, we would have handled it like men.
No hands over mouths.
Hands over guns.
Fingers over triggers.
Hand over your heart.
Head over your heart.
That's how we would have done it, like men.
They move and gesticulate like women.
Gesticulate.
You ever notice how progressive men walk into a room like that female robot from Mars Attacks?
Just floating on into the room?
No, see this is like... They have their hands over their... This is a man with his hands over his mouth.
He's a man, yet clearly he is getting the vapors.
This is the time we live in.
A gasp!
If you enter this man's, where it's supposed to be his man cave, you'll find a fainting couch.
I'm positive.
And a prescription for hysteria.
Some smelling salts perhaps?
And a record player just playing old timey.
I love this, gesticulate like women.
What does gesticulate mean?
It's the way you move, like, usually your hands.
Yeah.
Oh, gestures.
They don't gesticulate like men, which is pinching the air and drawing, and making a drawing motion as you purse your lips and criticize the hat of a congresswoman.
Oh, bigly.
Oh, it's so funny.
This is how you be a man, according to these people.
Is you call Kim Jong-Un fat.
You like, make fun of him and call him fat.
Or not call him fat and then turn calling him fat and not calling him fat.
Yeah, whatever.
But it's just, the point is, he's like...
He's like a catty bitch in all of his insults and wherever.
He'll criticize Hillary's wardrobe.
And this is the alpha male that they look up to.
He fucking watches Fox and Friends and tweets about how the media is unfair to him.
These are the alpha moves.
Do you guys ever just picture him, like, in his bed, laying on his stomach with, like, his pillow kind of tucked in his arms, like, elbows, feet kicked in the air, kind of crossed, and just, like, tweeting?
I don't think that, because I don't think he could get out of that position.
Oh, he'd be stuck there, yeah.
I think they'd plop him into a couch and would sit him down like a bag of Lay's.
I think he has those Baron Harkonnen anti-gravity sensor belt that just cart him around the Oval Office.
This is just technology that's not available to the rest of us.
He has a remote control he uses, though.
Yeah, it's... These people... You'll see these progressives do these feminine hand gestures.
They'll put a hand out, palm up, and then put the other hand out, palm up, and then turn one of them over so that the palm's down, and then turn the other one down, and then maybe cross one of them to their shoulder, And then cross the other one and then shake it all about.
All hips.
All hips.
Have you seen the hips on these certain boys?
Wait, no, that's the Macarena.
That's the Macarena, yeah.
Oh, okay.
They'll pull out a handkerchief and go, Yoo-hoo!
They will bat the eyelashes at you.
Gesticulate like women.
I like your Mars tags.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, no, this I love this.
I love this meme.
Okay, you had another one from Instagram, right?
Oh, there's another good one.
This is a cartoon.
The person posting it, the hashtag is just hashtag nice hat hashtag soy boy.
And it's a young man wearing one of the pink pussy hats.
Because, you know, everyone just wears them all the time around.
The pussy hat symbolizes that they've been sucked into the mainstream media and modern society's idea that women should have any sort of rights or that birth control actually is a net benefit to society.
Oh, it's insane.
So it has a list of descriptions of this person.
Calls himself a phenomenon to attract women.
See, that is so telling because they refuse to do that.
They'll suffer in celibacy, but they will not call themselves a feminist.
That's how you could easily get laid, but they won't do it.
They could easily get laid if they just called themselves a feminist.
That's the real problem.
It's all these fake feminists trying to get laid.
They should just accept involuntary celibacy like the rest of us.
Exactly!
I guess it would be voluntary because like I said I could easily get laid all the time.
If I just faked it.
If I just said I was a feminist.
Other descriptions are, his biceps are skinnier than your ten-year-old girl's.
Super skinny biceps.
Quote, oh my bike got stolen.
I'm sad but at least the thief gets to be happy.
That's a real thing.
That's a very specific reference.
And that actually is kind of... What is that?
It's like it's like a comic it's like you know one of those internet comics about I think it's about depression in general and and it's like somebody is sad because their bike got stolen but then they think about how happy the person who has it must be and that makes them happier because there's like net happiness in the world and it's to each their own I guess.
No, one of our friends actually got two of his bikes stolen today.
Did you tell him to be happy for the person who got it?
I did, but then he proceeded to say, no, I think that, you know, there's a special place in hell for bike thieves, and that if the opportunity presents itself, kneecaps will probably be handled.
And that person consumed soy.
Quote, sure, uh, you can go on a date with my girlfriend.
Just bring her back before seven.
Yeah, cuck.
Yeah, because he's like a literal cuck.
This shit is so old.
This shit is so stale.
Like, it's such a fucking lame attempt at a new meme.
Like, Coca-Cola tried to rebrand itself as New Coke.
Yeah.
And it's the same shit.
So we could call the episode New Cuck.
New Cuck, yeah.
Soy Boy.
Yeah.
And now I can put that in since I've said it to you.
Now it's recorded.
Now it's on wax.
It's on the record.
And this whole Paul Joseph Watson thing is like, okay, cuck's getting old.
We need something else.
Okay, soy boy.
That'll be our new cuck.
And it's totally different because it's based in science.
Well, also, I think what they realized was being cuckold's an actual thing.
If you go to the internet and look up a cuckold video, you'll usually find a conservative sitting in a chair in a corner watching his wife being made sweet, sweet love to by a large black man.
Sitting there wearing a Trump hat.
Yeah, they realize that this is an actual thing.
I think some of them got offended.
Hey guys, can we stop calling him... I enjoy it.
Don't kingshame me.
They're just obsessed with the idea of relationships and women and how if they ever got a woman they would never ever let another man near her.
Do you let someone drive your car?
Yeah, sure.
No, thank you.
Only if they promise to lube it up afterward.
Or clean it up.
Fill it up?
You gotta do all that.
Okay.
Premium, dude!
She needs premium!
You gotta lube the car up.
Lube that fucker up.
Yeah, like Jif in a Jif, you know?
Okay.
I thought you meant just like rub grease all over the steering wheel.
The format of this was also weird because it goes from like quotes and from the person to like descriptors Yeah, so it also goes is normally super skinny or obese nothing else honestly this drawing looks like it was made on tumblr I feel like the person who made this drama might have been proud of what it is.
How many likes did this have?
Do you remember?
13.
It caught on.
I think it had more than that.
It's such a fucking half-assed... It's so bad.
...cries hysterically after the first time he finally gets laid at the age of 35.
Well, that really rolls off the tongue.
Yeah, that was... That was a very specific person.
Plucks his eyebrows.
This is all, this is like, it's just that 90s sense of humor of like, trans people are funny, uh, soy lattes are girly.
Yeah.
It's, you know, like the orange mocha frappuccino joke.
Yeah, exactly.
It's the Ace Ventura joke.
It's like, I'm gonna express my masculinity by getting milk in my Starbucks coffee.
Whole milk.
Whole milk from the cow's tit.
Minimal, minimal foam please.
Okay, uh, should we move on?
Sure.
Oh, there's some fire from the Donald too.
Yeah, some Donald shit.
Okay, so hot, hot from Reddit.
We have our Reddit correspondent, Mountain Matt.
Yeah.
So, there's a few spicy memes, whatever you want to call them on Reddit, on r the underscore Donald.
Why, how is that the main Reddit?
Why, they couldn't get the Donald?
You know, I think Faden Ald already had that one taken.
Of course.
But this is a meme.
God damn it, that man is everywhere.
All right, so this is like, this is a bunch of talk show hosts.
Yeah, it's like probably some Vanity Fair photo shoot.
It looks exactly like an Annie Leibovitz shoot or something.
We got Colbert.
We got John.
Oh, my God.
My brain is farting right now.
My favorite guy from HBO, the dude that does Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
Bill Maher's fucking ass.
Conan.
They're all there.
Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Maher.
Yeah.
One guy.
And it says, the soy boys.
And then it has a description of soy boy hyphen.
Sling used to describe males who completely and utterly lack all necessary masculine qualities.
The pathetic state is usually achieved by an overindulgence of emasculating products and or ideologies.
Oh, and I also forgot to mention that they all have drawn on pussy hats.
And this is has the watermark cernovich.com.
Right, so do you guys know who Mike Cernovich is?
No.
He's he's a prominent thinker on the right wing and you know just you can tell he's uh filled with masculine energy and uh just a a strong male presence in the alt-right community uh he in fact has Written books on how to be male and masculine and how to control your own thoughts, which is a real thing.
It's called Gorilla Mindset.
So, Gorilla Mindset, How to Control Your Thoughts and Emotions.
Wow.
You know you have those intrusive thoughts about wearing dresses and eating soy milk products?
Well, this helps you control those thoughts.
So here's just a little bit, since you guys aren't familiar with Mike Cernovich and his masculine wiles, we're about to just see what a real man looks and sounds like.
Welcome on Facebook.
He literally, like, rang a bell as, like, a bad Cernovich.
Welcome on Periscope.
Representative, congressmen, whatever you call these people, Al Green.
Oh, wow, that's dangerous.
That's a bad way to start.
I'm referring to congresspeople.
There's no racial connotations.
He literally rang a bell as a bad Cernovich.
Wow.
He's controlling his thoughts.
He's training himself.
Oh shit!
Ring a bell every time you have a racist thought.
And run with that.
at the Washington Post.
According to Mike Vavale.
A new out of nowhere statement from Representative Al Green.
No.
The spokesperson says the attached statement is in reference to a circumstance that occurred in 2008.
This is a voice we make to make fun of people.
Could it be because Mike Cernovich tweeted out on November 25th, two days ago, that there was an interesting story about Al Green and I found some court records?
So if you're on the Washington Post, you're like, why is this congressman issuing this statement?
Well, because Mike Cernovich reported on court records involving Al Green.
This whole video is him having a gripe with Washington Post for not quoting him in a story that wasn't about him.
Wait.
You know, who knows, Al Green, you know, why is he issuing this statement?
Well, it's not, because here's what I tweeted.
Whining about a tweet that went unnoticed.
Our masculine man-in-chief, Mike Cernovich.
Put some respect on his name.
Holding an iPad up to the webcam.
Macho man, Mike Cernovich.
If you had a doubt that Congress monitors my Twitter profile closely... I mean, it can't be denied, right?
If I tweet it, what I tweet becomes the news.
Facts.
As Mike Cernovich tweets, so goes the halls of Congress.
You can't fake the news!
I am the news!
Responding to Mike Cernovich's tweets.
This is like, we're only two minutes in here and he's already talked about himself in the third person about four times.
I kind of like him.
I wish he was on our side.
He has the charisma.
The masculine energy.
It's funny, he seems so... What's the word I'm looking for?
He seems so piffed the whole time.
Piffed?
He seems so irked.
He seems, I don't know, like a baby about it.
If we could only think of a word for it.
It's crazy.
That guy's a gem.
Yeah, there are some comments on that.
Well, let's keep going over this meme.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean... Yeah, that's what I mean.
I have some comments about the meme.
Oh, okay.
I think it's... So... All these men in this photo shoot, this is like a photo shoot that was for the late-night comedians.
You know what I mean?
They got them all in a room.
Oh, no shit.
Looks like Mike Cernovich isn't here.
Oh, dang.
I forgot to invite that guy.
Imagine that.
Yeah.
And, uh, these are all, yeah, they lack all necessary masculine qualities, like, uh, rife BO, uh, having, having a, at least one failed marriage, uh, I also like the idea that Bill Maher is here, a guy who... I think this might be an old photo.
Well, just, yeah, a guy who is Islamophobic, and says the N-word, and dates models.
Why is this guy not beloved on the right wing?
Fucks, like, exclusively fucks supermodels.
Who likes him now?
I don't understand.
He's a weird...
I watch his show because I love watching the panel he has on.
I watch it just because to see what he has on the show.
I've seen moments from it.
I like the platform.
I can't fucking stand him.
I really, I truly don't.
I'll catch the gems that come out.
But usually somebody kind of Fuckin' him up a little bit, I like to watch those things.
Watching it makes me cringe because you can tell he just hasn't read any of the jokes he's performing for the first time and so after every single punchline you get a little laugh to myself.
He either laughs at it or he doesn't get it or gets mad at the writer.
But whatever.
Also in the picture is Trevor Noah.
I don't know if you know anything about Trevor Noah, but he hasn't had the smoothest life.
He's a rugged individual.
He's gone through some stuff.
Like what?
I don't know anything about him.
The way he grew up in South Africa.
affected very directly by apartheid nothing was easy like this person was not easy nothing was like handed to him like at all and it's like that oh yeah that doesn't matter that doesn't mean anything yeah you're still you're still a little slow boy because you still give women a platform well he bashes Trump so he's obviously a soy eating liberal
Well there's one funny thing that I forgot to tell you guys about is literally this user on the Donald posted just like a rant entitled, I was a soy boy baby.
Do you guys want me to read this?
It's pretty funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Alright.
So this is somebody who was able to come out the other side of it.
Yeah, I mean, I guess so.
You know, user E-Straight 39.
E-Straight?
E-Straight 39.
So this is Bruce Springsteen and the E-Straight Band.
E-Straight Band.
A-Straight.
So I'm starting to panic a little bit because I was on Soy Baby Formula and I've noticed some of the effects of soy on me as I've grown up.
I have moves.
I was a late bloomer and I'm a little fat.
Not super overweight, but it's hard for me to keep the pounds off.
Finally, something I can blame for it.
I was wondering if anyone could help me out with some resources or anything I could try doing that will help recover.
Well, you went to the right place, buddy.
I found a couple articles about soy, but I love my R the Donald family and y'all's advice.
I'd really appreciate it if you know something and share or you know.
Someone who couldn't like me because I'm 20 right now and all my life I wanted a family of my own, but I'm panicking because soy sometimes makes you uncomfortable.
What better place to go for your medical needs than a community of people, a self-selected community of people, who literally despise the idea of universal health care?
He finishes this up.
He says, I guess since it's Thanksgiving, I'll say I'm not only thankful for G-O-T, the geodes, which is the Greatest of all time?
No, it's the Grand Emperor of the United States.
It's Donald, they call him that.
But that I'm also thankful for y'all here at the Donald.
For giving me laughs and news and just being the best meme masters around.
God bless all of you.
And then there's a couple of comments that users have.
Suggestions for him.
Hold on, hold on.
So like... It's so unbelievably miserable... To ask the Reddit?
Just to be like to find solace in the Donald subreddit and not only that but to like
See some fucking half-assed nonsense meme about soy boys and how it gives you bitch tits because Paul Joseph Watson didn't have anything better on the docket that day for an eight minute video and so he shitted out a half-assed explanation that just supplants... Is that a word?
Yeah, supplants the cuck meme.
Oh god, yeah.
And to see this, and then think, like, oh shit, that's me.
This explains everything.
This explains me, and you're such a fucking, like, bootlicker that you're like, help.
I am this fake thing that Paul Joseph Watson threw out on a whim, and I need help from you, the Donald.
Oh, it's so brutal.
You gotta be an idiot.
You gotta be.
I think it's a lot more than that.
I think it's like severe depression.
What sucks is, you know, he, this, how is he ever going to have a family?
And if you can't have a family, you're never going to have tangible proof that you're a real man.
And until then, you're my family.
I have an idea.
Here's what you do.
Maybe soy has made you infertile and like you can't impregnate your wife.
What you do is you get a friend that you trust.
And then you put on your MAGA hat.
To come over.
And you sit in the corner.
And you have him fuck your wife.
That's all, it's very simple.
You have to make sure this person has a large penis.
Because if this person has a large penis, can't get it deep in there, you can't guarantee.
And statistically, if you have a black friend, I have a black friend, I'm not racist, I have a black friend.
Oh, you know this black guy?
I have a black, you know, you can call him He's got a big ol' dick.
And it's good because if the dude has a big dick, then your son, your future son's gonna be all boy.
Yeah.
Maybe, you know, a football player.
I checked, he's all boy.
Alright, been another great episode.
Thank you so much guys.
It was a pleasure, man.
Subscribe, rate and review the show on iTunes.
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Tell your friends about the show.
Follow on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter at MinionDeathCult.
Write to us at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com.
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Alright, bye guys.
See you later.
Oh, it's God-Emperor of the United States.
Well, I mean, God-Emperor is a reference... Well, it's a reference to a lot of things, but... Like Chinese Emperor... I mean, Dune.
God-Emperor of Dune.
I mean, that's another thing.
And yeah, he's the real-life Baron Vladimir Harkonnen.
