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May 9, 2025 - Lionel Nation
49:14
An Anti-MAGA Anti-Trump "American" Pope Is Selected: Anyone Surpirsied?
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Time Text
Habemus Papam.
We have a pope.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a pope.
Habemus Papam.
We have a pope.
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
Fred Haddad.
Ken?
Fred?
You're buffering, Fred.
Just kidding.
I love you, Fred.
Thank you, my dear friend.
What a mensch.
What does it mean to have a new Pope?
What does the Pope mean?
What does it mean?
Everyone.
Not everybody at once.
What does this mean?
Focus.
Focus, dear friends.
Focus.
What does this mean?
Does it have any importance at all?
Is it critical?
Does it matter?
Especially when this Pope, American-born is already blasting our beloved president, which is what he has to do.
I want you to understand a couple of things which are critical.
First and foremost, and this is really interesting, nobody knows anything about the Pope.
Nobody knows anything.
I've heard some of the most Stupid commentary from people all of a sudden who, for some reason, because they're on radio, they are imbued with the knowledge of being a pope.
And I don't know why.
I don't know what the story is.
Why, in the name of God, why would they think?
Why?
That they're able to be a pope?
Or they're able to comment on it.
Can you explain that to me?
Can you understand it?
The woke Chicago Pope is a joke.
Why, Swamp?
Why is that?
Why is the Pope a joke?
Please.
Anybody?
Swamp, why is the Pope a joke?
Why?
Anthony doesn't give a toss.
Anthony doesn't understand the significance of this.
Anthony doesn't care.
I love you, Anthony.
But you don't understand.
You don't think that the spiritual leader of how many?
Of one and a half billion people.
Anthony doesn't give a toss.
Anthony says it's no, it doesn't matter.
Anthony doesn't understand.
I love you, Anthony.
But as usual, it's American.
Ah, who gives a shit?
He's a joke.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I just...
Why do you say that?
I, you know, I don't know why I say things.
I just do, you know.
I mean, you know.
Why?
Because I just say stuff.
This one's a joke.
You don't have to know a lot to speak up.
Come on, you know that.
Anybody know?
One and a half billion?
T says, I'm not a Catholic, but I understand.
Thank you.
He's one of the world leaders.
Thank you, Liz Solak.
Of course it matters.
Thank you, Liz Solak.
You don't have to agree with him.
It matters.
One and a half billion people?
Catholics?
Do you know what the Vatican is?
As far as, is he a joke?
He is spouting, dare I say, the usual line.
So we're going to be talking about this.
And of course, people are going to just be pulling things out of their arse because they don't know any about it.
But it's okay.
It doesn't really matter.
Let me also tell you, my friend, some very, very important, very, very, very critical stuff for you to understand right now.
I was reading today in CBS Market Watch.
Get ready for their predicting empty store shelves.
The tariffs are doing wonderful.
What they're doing with the UK is terrific, but I'm telling you, they're going to do everything in their power to screw things up.
Make sure you have your, listen to me, your emergency food now.
And where do you go for that?
I know.
Let me ask you a question.
What happens when the trucks stop?
Think about this.
Trucks.
You know, the trucks that bring your food.
And then when one store closes because of a riot or ransomware hit or a hurricane or even manufactured weather.
Oh yeah!
We've talked about that.
What happens when all of a sudden, suddenly, the entire supply chain collapses like dominoes?
What happens then?
We've seen it happen, and it doesn't take much.
And that's the thing you've got to think about.
A trucker strike, a cyber attack, some EMP, some Carrington class disaster, a city shut down by violence.
It only takes one spark for shelves to go empty fast.
And when that happens, and when that moment hits, you either have what you need or you don't.
And that's why I am telling you.
I want you to go to preparewithlionel.com.
Our trusted friends at MyPatriotSupply.
They're offering unbelievable deals right now.
You've got to see deals on emergency food kits that could save your life and your sanity.
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These kits aren't just insurance.
They're peace of mind.
So go to preparewithlionel.com, secure your kit, secure your future.
Preparewithlionel.com, preparewithlionel.com because when the world breaks down, prepare, don't panic.
My friends, I want...
I don't mean to be, dare I say, snarky, but there's nothing that drives me crazy than people who are, and I'm not saying you, full of shit.
That's an expression.
It's not necessarily scatological, but you have no idea.
I'm just at my wit's end.
People who do not know...
Somebody who was suggesting once that the reason why they speed the vote up is to provide toying with the food.
Make the food kind of more bland.
Intrigate details about it.
They have three vestments for different sizes.
All of this not understanding at all of what's going on.
I want to ask you a question.
Ask yourself this question.
Watch me say this.
What is the vacant C?
The vacant C. Do you know what that is?
Watch this.
Vacancy.
Not vacancy.
Vacant.
Now watch what I do.
Vacant.
S-E-E.
ChatGPT.
Enter.
That's it.
That's it.
I would have asked that if people would sit there all night saying, I don't know.
Well, I don't know.
Sedevacande.
I don't know.
You want to look up?
No, no, no.
I don't really look things up.
Are you interested in this?
No.
Curious about what it is?
No.
Are you maybe wondering, I don't know, maybe find out what...
No.
No, not at all.
Not interested.
What if this Pope...
The Pope before was not the real Pope.
What if many people say the sedivacantism after Pius XII or whatever?
I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about what if after, what if Benedict never stepped down?
What if there was never a transition?
What do you think?
It is probably the most...
The most incredible thing in the world.
There can only be, what, 120 Cardinals?
And there's 130?
I mean, this is a friend of mine.
We're going to be having on Eric Thaddeus Walters Sunday.
Tonight, I'm going to be recording, we'll play tomorrow, the lovely and talented Mr. Charles Ortel.
But what we have to understand, what you have to understand...
Is that this is tumultuous.
There are people, there are factions within something as big as this.
Do you remember when we were wondering, and you might have said that Barack Hussein Obama might not have been the president because he might have been born?
In another place and not a natural born citizen.
Did you hear this?
Did you hear this?
Did you?
In the Vatican, Sede Vacante describes the interregnum, an intriguing period between the death or resignation of a pope and the election of his successor.
And during this critical time, the chair of St. Peter is empty.
Signaling uncertainty, intense speculation, and sometimes even internal power struggle.
Throughout history, these intervals have often been sparked with controversies.
The longest vacancy was between 1268 and 1271, nearly three years leading to rivalries.
There were always, this is historically.
This noob, Leo XIV or whatever, from Chicago, he's, what, 69 years old?
The youngest pope ever.
The youngest pope.
By the way, did you ever read the story about Pope Joan?
It was nonsense.
But they said it was a woman, and supposedly there was a chair where people would reach underneath to make sure that the pope had testicles.
So, the story.
The youngest pope was Benedict IX.
Benedict IX, who remains one of the Vatican's most scandalous and controversial figures.
And that's saying something.
Elected in 1032, at just around 20 years old, Benedict IX shocked the medieval world, not just by his youth.
But by his wildly scandalous behavior, selling the papacy itself, repeatedly reclaiming power, I mean, it was wild.
Benedict IX, he had three separate terms.
I mean, it was something.
What I just described for you...
What I just told you, what I just did, is something I wish I could explain to you.
I wish I could make you say, I want you to be interested in things.
I want you to run to things.
I want every little fact to say, oh, that's interesting.
And you have either ChatGPT or Grok or whatever it is.
You have the best available.
It's all right there.
It is incredible.
Unbelievable.
Pilgrim says, I don't believe it's a joke.
What we are talking about.
Oh, it is not.
Stephen Lynch said, born, raised in Ireland, they could pick Sleepy Joe for all I care.
See, Stephen, and I appreciate it, no one cares that you don't care.
Not caring is not making a point.
Does that make any sense to you?
Not caring is not making a point.
It doesn't do any good to tell people how you don't care.
Seriously, it does no good.
Speaking of which, Mr. Joe, you mentioned?
Mr. President, since you left...
Let me ask you this one.
Let me see if I can work with you because this is a tough crowd tonight.
A little slow in the uptake, but bless your heart, we're going to do our best.
Before we talk about this, Sleepy Joe.
Let me ask you a question.
Why?
Okay, I'm going to slow this down.
Stephen doesn't care.
Hope you care about this one.
Why is Joe Biden on the view?
I hope you care.
Okay?
Why is the Pope on...
Excuse me.
Why is Joe Biden on the view?
Why?
Ramona Heath, ladies and gentlemen.
Ramona says...
Are you going to have the papal historian on again?
He was fascinating, and I'd like to know if there will be any pushback.
Sunday, Sunday, Eric Thaddeus Walter, Il Profesore.
What were you saying, honey?
What's your theory?
Well, yeah.
Mrs. Ellis says maybe Jill wants a job on The View.
I don't know.
It could be.
What do you think is the reason why he's on The View?
Come on.
Here we go.
Holy smokes, every 12 hours, Atlanta Nation is a machine.
Thank you so much.
Don't forget, tomorrow night is the WABC.
I would watch the Pope on the View.
How old was the Pope of Greenwich Village?
That's very funny.
Very, very funny.
Sam, you have a wit.
You have a wit about you.
It's dangerous.
Don't ever abuse it.
Make the dream great again.
It's mob rule just like the Dems.
Sort of.
Why was Joe Biden...
Thank you, by the way.
Why?
Joe wants attention.
This is what Mrs. Dell says, sort of.
Maybe.
Other reasons.
Come on.
Dig deep.
Come on.
Let's see if you do better with this one than you did with the Pope's.
I don't care.
I just want to let you know I don't care about a lot of things.
I'll give you a list of all the things you don't care about.
Why do you think Debbie Sheen Schoen says he's trying to make himself relevant?
Yes, but why?
He's a former president.
Why is he trying to make himself relevant?
Last Ditch to Bail.
Hang on.
Last Ditch to Bail.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
All About Jill.
No, it's not Jill.
Come on.
Legacy.
Nope.
Nope.
Simpler.
Go for the simplest reason.
Ramona says they are desperately trying to bring their ratings up.
They are desperately trying to bring their ratings up.
Nope.
I mean, that might be true.
Cut Up says the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Love him.
Okay.
Thank you.
Our good friend Warren says, I am a recovering Catholic struggling to understand the fascination with the papal rituals.
The Vatican scholar interview was enlightening.
Warren, I'm a retired Catholic.
I'm not recovering.
There's nothing to recover from.
That's an old line.
This is as important as you recognizing the history of the Grand Rebbe or Greek scholars and the like.
It's not about...
It is the oldest non-hereditary theocratic monarchy in the world.
And if you don't understand that, Forget it.
Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please.
Debbie Schoen.
Am I pronouncing this?
I had a relative named that.
That could be Shane, Sheen, Schoen, Schoen.
Rhymes with Cohen.
I don't know.
Let me know.
The answer is, as Debbie says, money.
Money.
Money.
When When Bill Clinton left, I wish I could tell you the stuff I know about Clinton, but I can't.
Ramona says, Biden needs the money for his legal fund, LOL.
Well, maybe, maybe sort of.
First, you're on to something here.
This is not Occam's razor.
Don't say this is Occam's razor, but there's another reason for that.
The reason for this, the reason that we're talking about, is at first, nobody in the Biden family works.
You know that, right?
Nobody.
Nobody works.
Hunter?
Joe?
Bill?
Joe?
Nobody.
He gets a pension.
But all that money was cut off.
All that money.
They were making more money.
Joe, I mean, what's his name?
Was making more money.
Selling paintings, finger paintings.
Remember that?
Remember how they did that?
It was the most selling paintings.
They don't have any money!
It's done!
The lawyers did this.
How many times did the Rehoboth Beach Place, how many times did they refinance it?
10, 15, they don't have any money.
Yay!
See you next week.
You understand?
You've got to understand this.
Now, let me tell you what happens.
When Bill Clinton leaves, Barack Obama leaves, Bill Clinton went to Harlem and started the Clinton Foundation, the Clinton Global Initiative, the Clinton Health Access Initiative, and this was of all men.
You pour money into that and you just go, man, go boy, go.
Go, boy, go.
They had so many sources.
People just poured money.
Bill, what was the thing you said the other day about Harlem?
What do you do about Harlem?
You mentioned something about Harlem?
Yeah Yeah businesses That's weird.
Kind of like they gentrified it by pushing out.
This is in Harlem, 125th Street.
But here's the deal.
If you need something big, if you needed something big, I don't know, you've got...
Remember what I'm telling you?
I'm not kidding you about...
When I talk about Prepare with Lionel...
CBS, Money Watch, they're talking about tariffs they are pushing back because they are so pissed off.
A dear friend of ours in the financial world said, if people knew the genius of Trump and his tariffs, especially with the UK, they wouldn't believe what a genius he is.
They wouldn't believe it!
Okay, that aside, you got a problem, you call Bill Clinton up, he'll take care of you.
What do you need?
Well, Bill...
I'm having a problem.
I'm trying to work on this railroad deal in Mumbai.
Got it.
Who is it?
What's his name?
I'll take care of it for you.
What do you need?
He's better than ever.
And when they leave, they're great speakers.
They're funny.
Barack Obama.
You know how much money he was making?
Oh my God!
They got their money in the back end.
No jokes.
But they had all these deals.
A podcast.
Remember that?
Podcast.
Can you imagine a Biden podcast?
That would be...
I would listen to that.
Really?
Oh, Obama's Martha's Vineyard thing is up for sale.
Because you know why he and Michelle are...
It's not what you think with these folks.
Because remember, you always want to keep...
The only guy to really do well big time was, remember, Al Gore.
Al Gore, poof.
Whatever happened to Tipper?
Remember that one?
Anyway, so what happened with this?
Well, what's Biden going to do?
Do a lecture series?
No.
Pick up the phone?
No.
He's out of it.
So watch this.
This was Biden on The View.
And right off the bat, look at the questions they ask old JoJo.
They weren't even wasting any time.
Mr. President, since you left office, there have been a number of books that have come out.
And she's reading this.
She's reading this.
Deeply sourced from Democratic sources.
When you do this, this is what Ainsley does.
She looks down and reads.
You should know what you're doing.
It looks like these questions aren't your own.
You're just reading them.
Claim in your final year there was a dramatic decline in your cognitive abilities.
Look at him.
Look at him how sad that is.
Look at him.
Just look at that picture.
Is there any heart?
No!
No!
No, there's no heart, that bastard.
No, there's no heart.
None.
None whatsoever.
I don't give a goddamn about that.
Anyway.
In the final year of your presidency, what is your response to these allegations and are these sources wrong?
Now get ready.
Here he is.
And they knew he was going to ask that.
Here he is clearing this up so he can go out and make more money to maybe help this family because they don't do anything.
The Bidens don't work.
None of them.
Do you understand this?
None of them, even the Kennedys, kind of do something.
Okay, this is Joe trying to clear the air.
I will not interrupt this.
You are wrong.
There's nothing to sustain that, number one.
Number two, you know, think of what we're left with.
We're left with a circumstance where we had an insurrection when I started.
Not since the Civil War.
We had a circumstance where we were in a position that we, well, the pandemic, because of the incompetence of the last outfit, ended up over a million people dying.
And we're also in a situation where we found ourselves unable to deal with a lot of just basic issues, which I won't go into in the interest of time.
And so we went to work.
And we got it done.
And, you know, one of the things that...
Well, and Alyssa, one of the things I think is that the people who wrote those books were not in the White House with us.
And they didn't see how hard Joe worked every single day.
He'd get up, he'd put in a full day, and then at night he would...
I'd be in bed, you know, reading my book, and he was still on the phone reading his briefings, working with staff.
I mean, it was nonstop.
It's the White House being president.
Is not like a job.
It's a lifestyle.
It's a life that you live.
You live it 24 hours a day.
That phone can ring at 11 o 'clock at night or 2 in the morning.
It's constant.
You never leave it.
And Joe worked really hard.
I think he was a great president.
And if you look at things today...
If you look at things today, give me Joe Biden anytime.
That's worth the invitation to come to the show.
What do you think about that?
What do you think about that?
Stephen, don't you care about that?
Care about that Steve Reno?
Of course you do.
Of course you do.
Can you believe this?
Can you believe this man was a president?
I don't even know what to say.
You know what?
I don't know what to say.
I also saw Cash Patel suggest that Epstein hanged himself.
Cash?
Come on, man.
Come on.
You know who was so brutal?
And I love her.
Because she's brutal.
Laura Loomer.
Going after the Surgeon General, the new one in the nominee, and her, what, husband or father, brother, whatever.
These trans folks.
She calls Pam Bondi Pam Blondi.
Okay, you don't really need that.
But you know what?
There's a lot to be said for this.
I'm not getting what I want as fast as I want it.
And I'll be the first one to tell you that.
You hear what I'm telling you?
I'll be the first one to tell you that.
This is something which is important.
This is the most important thing for you to understand.
We don't care what he says.
We don't care about the...
I sound like Stephen Lynch.
I sound like him.
Stephen says, I don't care.
I...
I'm interested in what they're saying because that gives me an idea as to the level of seriousness of these folks.
But I don't hang on to his work.
He doesn't have any money.
It's all gone.
These people don't make as much.
Bill Clinton, I wish...
I can't, but I got the picture.
I got stuff.
One time somebody said, do you know what gifts presidents get when you leave office?
Oh!
Watches, rings, gold.
If somebody gives you a watch, okay?
If somebody gives you a watch, whatever.
And Bill Clinton has that watch on his wrist.
And you can prove the provenance.
You just add, whether you like him or not, it's a president's watch.
Oh my God.
Just the collectibles.
The homes.
Bill Clinton.
He's got a bunch of homes.
Don't kid yourself.
Don't kid yourself.
And Barack Obama.
I don't know what's happening with that one because she's very seriously effed up.
I think you know what I mean.
There are people who are effed up.
I'm convinced.
I'm convinced.
We have this scale.
If you are like friends of ours, we know you.
It's like, how bad are you?
We have like the better ones, like vintage.
Some people are so untouchable that you're just so crazy.
And it's like everywhere.
It's everywhere.
People are miserable.
People are, you know, all kinds of substances.
People are crazy.
Michelle Obama is crazy.
She's really, she is, when I mean crazy, she's not hearing voices or anything.
But she is so solipsistic, so narcissistic, so into herself, so bereaved, and that brother of hers, oops, oops.
That was a mistake.
That was an error.
But, oh man.
By the way, I hope you saw our video today in Hell's Kitchen.
Walked by.
Just walking around.
I walked by this place in the hood called Seibert Tire.
They're building on 11th Avenue.
You know, honey, it was like 1890-something and then 1916.
And he had this place where he put...
Anyway.
It's the owner.
We sat down.
Just a nice time.
Across the street.
Across the street was the Daily Show.
A new coffee place opened up.
I don't know what this stuff is.
We bought like 12 bucks of this stuff.
I don't know what it was.
It's a Brazilian Asian fusion.
I don't know what the hell it was.
Acai.
I don't know what it was.
Fusion.
Fusion means I don't know what the hell it is.
Fusion.
It's a fusion.
A lot of fusion there.
A lot of fusion going on.
A lot of fusion going on, everybody.
Mrs. L's the other night.
Oh!
You should have seen at the cutting room.
When they played Dancing Queen and they put on the disco ball and the bubble machine, that was it.
I told you about that.
I told you about that.
Remember one time there was that great Dave Chappelle piece where he...
He brought in went to a barbershop and played rhythm and blues and then all of a sudden he started dancing and he brought in John Mayer and John Mayer played riffs and black folk listened to that and said, what is this?
And then other people loved his they loved riffs and rock and all that.
Certain I think women maybe from our Maybe from our world, we are a part of something which is interesting.
We, women, I guess I should say, love disco and ABBA.
And I know you're going to say to yourself, no, that's not true.
Believe me when I tell you this, it is absolutely 100% true.
It was such a great night the other night.
So terrific.
So wonderful.
So anyway, we're moving on.
Because I really don't care about Joe Biden.
I really, honest to God, I don't care about our friend.
I really don't care about Joe Biden.
I don't care.
I'm one of these people that...
How do I say this?
I'm one of these people...
And this is important.
I'm a rational person.
Unlike Ramona.
What is Ramona saying?
Ramona's saying, oh, Make the Dream said she probably got a million from that.
There's Big Dick from Chi-Town.
Ramona says, Lionel, you're confusing fusion with confusion.
Lionel, you're...
Ramona is writing twice now, you know?
You're scaring me.
You're writing the same sentence twice.
You know what I'm saying?
You're doing the same sentence twice.
So anyway, so there are these people.
So the bottom line is simply this.
Number one, are things perfect?
No, not really.
I think the president's, some of the stuff he is doing makes no sense.
But I think ultimately, nothing that he has ever done or ever said, I think in any way, makes me not happy and thrilled that he's there.
Absolutely, positively.
He's doing a wonderful job.
Foreign policy is insanity.
Why are we bombing Yemen and the Houthis?
Why?
Anybody know?
No, you don't know.
Because the Houthis are the goddamn Houthis.
That was all these people.
I don't know.
Someplace.
Goddamn it.
The Palestinian protesters, oh, they're winning the hearts and minds over.
Wearing kafiyas and screaming and yelling, saying, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Why do you do this?
Do you see that 12-foot black woman, overweight?
No, it's a statue.
Did you see this?
No, Mrs. Elvis.
No, honey, there's a statue of a black woman overweight.
I'm sorry, I don't even know what this is.
They said it bounces the stash of the two white men.
It looks like one of the arrestees from my favorite YouTube channel.
You do know I watch that.
I don't know about you, but I watch this to calm down.
Ramona's on fire tonight.
Ramona says, my phone is writing things twice.
It has a mind of its own.
Suddenly, I have to erase the second sentence before I send it.
Be careful there, Ramona, because you might scare people.
You said something double times.
In any event.
So, I sit back and I'm saying, we have got this so much.
The left has nothing.
Seriously.
Carla, the cooking CEO, ladies and gentlemen, says, after viewing a mere 30 seconds of President Biden, or bide, as my mother quaintly misnames him, well, you know what, bide like biding time?
I find myself in dire need of a vomitorium to purge the disquieting spectacle from my sensibilities.
You need...
An emetic, and thank you.
You need something to pur, a purgative.
You need to, you need an emesis basin.
You ever seen that before?
You ever seen an emesis basin with syrup of Ipecac when they have to induce fobity and fast?
Have you seen that one?
Oh, that's great.
It looks like a child's pool, like a wading pool.
Stephen Lynch, ladies and gentlemen, says, I've been told.
Love you, Lenny.
Stephen is amazing.
Stephen doesn't care.
He doesn't care.
Stephen says, I don't care.
Anyway, an emesis basis, they bring it and say, hold this.
What is this?
You'll see.
And drink this.
And it gets into your system and just absolutely, I mean, it just lets you have it.
And you can just heave.
I have not had a good emetic bout in, I don't even know when.
That's always a good sign.
There's something about that.
There's something interesting about that.
How nature says, we've got to get rid of this.
That's why, as I've often told people, what always fascinated me, was when people, uh-oh, Sam Mufilleta, ladies and gentlemen, says, I heard Trump said he would lower the tariffs on Vatican City if he elected an American pope, but aren't the rosaries made in China?
You are funny.
Seriously, you are a wild man.
Thank you, Sambo.
Can I say Sambo?
Did you ever have Sambo restaurants when you were...
Remember Little Black Sambo?
I liked that story when I was a kid.
About the tigers and the thing and the milk and what the hell it was.
I didn't even know what it was.
Huh?
No, no, we were kids.
Little Black Sambo.
I didn't know it was bad.
I liked the story.
It was little, it was black.
I was like, what's wrong with that?
I didn't know.
What's wrong with that?
This is where, of course...
I don't get it.
I don't get any of that stuff.
But in any event, in any event.
So one of the things I've always found fascinating is that when people become dizzy, people become dizzy, what they will do is they will, especially if you're on a ride or something, some type of emotion, your reaction to emotion is for you to throw up.
And the reason why is because when your body recognizes the fact that maybe the stimuli are inconsistent, Your body interprets this as though you have ingested a neurotoxin.
So you wax emetic as we were.
Edie says we need at least 200 more likes or 2,000.
You are the best.
You are the best.
Thank you for that.
Good for Edie.
You know, it's funny.
You mentioned how your mother says something wrong.
My mother never mispronounced a word.
She had that kind of like a Midwest.
Her sisters or her family would say, a horse would be harsh.
I'd say, where does harsh come from?
Harsh.
Harsh?
Harsh?
Harsh.
I meant bidet as bath and plumbing.
You know a bidet?
Bidet benight?
You know, I...
I really don't know why we don't use it.
Remember the Watergate Hotel?
They had that hose.
Remember that?
At the Watergate.
In the bathroom.
It was a bidet.
It was a hose.
It was a nozzle.
I was like, wait a minute.
I felt like I'm a Clydesdale, like I'm some horse.
No, that was a bidet.
Well, what happened was...
There's nothing, let's face it, there's nothing worse than getting up and your ass is wet.
You know what I mean?
How much better is it?
The water's flying over, I mean, if it doesn't fit, you know, it's like, what am I doing?
And not only that, I don't want to get, I don't want to, please, I don't want to get too specific here, but the last thing in the world you want to do when you're using this is to projectile spray that which you're trying to get rid of.
You know what I'm saying?
Let me ask you something.
I want you to answer this question.
If I said to you, oh, Stephen Lynn says, ah, the bum sprayer.
Ha ha, yes indeed.
Thank you, Steve.
I want to ask you a question.
There are some things when you go to a store, you might say, hey, they got some sandwich bags on sale.
I'll take that.
Hey, they've got some whatever on there.
I'll take that.
Hey, they've got some paper towels.
I'll take it.
Hey, some garbage bags.
As long as they don't tear.
Soap is different.
I don't know if you use bars of soap.
I don't know.
But there's one thing.
What's the item where you say, oh, no, no, no.
I have one brand and one brand only, and I never skimp.
What is it?
Toilet paper.
Mrs. L has a brand she likes.
We've got the toilet paper, and we got that.
And there's nothing better than going to somebody's house and you've got toilet paper loose.
Don't you love that they've got them piled up?
It's like, what are you expecting?
And we have this little device.
It's this beautiful silver device next to the loo.
And sometimes you get those big bowls, those big bowls, those big rolls.
And they don't...
Oh, look at this.
Claudie says, yuck.
You're serious.
What are you, a child?
This is life.
This is real life.
What are you talking about?
This is real life.
What's the matter with you, Claudie?
Grow up.
Be a man.
Grow a pair.
Butch up.
Come on.
What's the matter with you?
It's the way it is.
Anyway, so they have this device.
It's like this silver tube.
But the rolls didn't fit in.
Okay.
What's the brand you use when you go to the store?
Look at this.
A good friend, Big Dick says, Beard Bomb.
Oh, you know what?
When I had a fuller beard, oh yes.
You absolutely need these.
What is your...
They're cloudy.
I love that man.
What is your...
One ply is the worst.
Mary is incredible.
See, Mary says this is true.
One ply.
No, I'm sorry.
That's the wrong one.
Butch up.
Here we go.
There's Mary.
Mary says one ply is worse.
One ply?
See, what event?
What event?
Now, this is not scatological.
We're not talking about scatological.
We're not talking about what we're talking about.
Look at this.
See, here we go.
See, most people say Scott.
Crypto says Angel Soft.
We're not talking about the actual defecatory aspect.
We're talking about the tissues of Charmin.
Honey, what's our brand?
I think it's Charmin.
Angel Soft.
Wasn't that a movie with Robert De Niro or something?
Angel Soft.
When she gets that Angel Soft, she gets excited.
It's like, okay, very good.
Thomas Crapper invented the water closet.
Let's see if that's true.
Did Crapper invent the toilet as is thought?
Okay?
Let's see what our chat GPT said.
Let's see what they said.
Okay, I've heard this too.
I don't know.
I've never verified it.
I like telling people.
Ah, the infamous Crapper.
No, despite popular belief and truly irresistible name, Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet, but he certainly made it famous.
Here's the real scoop, or actually the real poop.
The actual inventor was Sir John Harrington, godson of Queen Elizabeth I. He designed the first modern flush toilet around 1596.
He even installed one for the Queen herself.
Thomas Crapper, a plumber and businessman in the late 1800s, significantly improved toilet design.
His innovations included the floating ball cock.
You got that there, Pilgrim?
The ball cock.
Speaking of which, how you doing?
The ball cock valve and the other key plumbing patents.
Crapper's famous name became synonymous with toilets due to aggressive branding.
Crapper and company and marketing savvy placing his name prominently on toilets throughout Britain.
Why did the myth stick?
American soldiers of World War I saw British toilets Branded with Crapper and humorously connected the name with its function, creating a legendary urban myth.
The bottom line is Crapper didn't invent it, but his genius branding assured we'd forever link his name with one of life's most essential inventions.
You might say history dumped.
Undue credit at this.
This is Chad GPT laughing.
Let me ask you something.
Now, Pilgrim.
You just said what you always heard, didn't you?
You just said what you always heard, didn't you?
You didn't go and check this out.
You didn't do that.
You just repeated what everybody says.
You just think that's true.
See?
And the water closet in the loop.
Most people just believe certain things.
I want to thank you for that.
Sunday, Eric Thaddeus Walters live.
I've got to wrap this up.
I've got Charles Oratel.
He's from an undisclosed location.
Pilgrim Media says, I stand corrected.
Well, excuse me.
Somebody told me camel hairbrush.
It wasn't a camel hair, but the guy's name was camel, supposedly.
There's all these wonderful myths and things that we say.
Be happy.
Thank you, be happy.
Thank you so much.
Sam says, so...
Did the Vatican blow smoke out the chimney or the bidet?
Sam, you are funny.
You are wickedly funny.
You are the Maury Amsterdam of your time.
And I mean that sincerely.
Absolutely hysterically funny.
So my friends, what a wonderful night.
Fred Haddad Jr.
Thank you so much, Freddie.
By the way, you're buffering, Freddie.
Pilgrim Media, as usual, thank you, sir.
Stephen Lynch.
Ramona Heath, where have you been, stranger?
So glad to see you tonight.
I appreciate it immensely.
You are a delight.
Cut Up Chatter, thank you.
Billy Ocasio, ladies and germs.
Made the Dream Great Again, or Big Dick from Chi-Town, as we recall.
Carla, the Cooking CEO, thank you.
Stephen Lynch, Shecky Mufaleta, thank you for your thoughts and comments.
Again, Stephen Lynch, Carla, I thank you.
Johnny Mazza Spaz.
Oh, yeah.
Did you hear that Trump is nominating Jeanine Pirro as the top prosecutor in D.C. interim since his other person fell?
So, you know, good for her.
Hey, look, get all your people in there.
I'll take a thousand.
I'll take a thousand Jeanines.
Toilet paper won't do.
Bounty paper towels.
Funny?
You are so funny.
Seriously, Warren, you're out of control funny.
All right, dear friends.
Thank you so much.
We'll see you again in the morning.
Have a great and glorious night.
Thank you for your kindness.
Thank you for your support.
And thank you for your courage and your generosity.
It means a lot to me.
I'm going to talk to our good friend, Mr. Ortel.
That will be up tomorrow.
Have a great day, my friends.
Please follow Mrs. L at Lynn's Warriors.
She has a beautiful interview coming up right now.
Don't forget to follow our sister station at Lionel Legal.
And make sure you are subscribed to Lionel Nation.
Until then, dear friends, remember the monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue ya.
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