| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
I Don't Want To Do This
00:11:30
|
|
| *Train* *Train* That's not fair. | |
| That's not fair. | |
| That's not what I want. | |
| This is the worst one ever. | |
| Let me try this. | |
| Let me spin this one around. | |
| This is the worst. | |
| I'm normally pretty good at this stuff. | |
| Wait a minute. | |
| I don't want to do that. | |
| I don't want to do this. | |
| I want to do this. | |
| That's not what I want. | |
| That's not what I want. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| What the hell is this? | |
| This is insanity, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| That's not what I want to do. | |
| There we go. | |
| What is happening here? | |
| You know what? | |
| I don't want to do this. | |
| Let me try it again. | |
| Is anybody saying this? | |
| Am I wasting my time? | |
| Is this like the worst thing ever? | |
| Seriously. | |
| Seriously, is this the worst? | |
| Can you see what I'm doing here? | |
| It says an hour, I mean a minute and 28 seconds. | |
| Is this, is this, this is the worst. | |
| Okay, there you go. | |
| Let me try to spin this thing around. | |
| Let me try. | |
| Let me try my best, alright? | |
| Let me do my best. | |
| This is what I want to do. | |
| Orientation is locked. | |
| I don't want to lock it in. | |
| How do I unlock my orientation? | |
| God damn it. | |
| Keep talking to yourself. | |
| Is this great or what? | |
| It looks green. | |
| I bet you say that to all the guys. | |
| Alright, let me turn this around again. | |
| Let me see this. | |
| I'm going to try this again my friends. | |
| I want to, let me see, I'm going to go like that. | |
| This is portrait orientation on. | |
| I want to do portrait orientation as lock is off. | |
| I'm going to go like this. | |
| I want to rotate back. | |
| I'm going to go like this. | |
| Come on! | |
| Come on! | |
| I'm gonna go... | |
| *Pink* | |
| Okay. | |
| Alright. | |
| Is everybody okay? | |
| I'm sorry for that. | |
| That was the worst. | |
| I might even have to edit this. | |
| Going by Glengarry. | |
| I got done with this meeting. | |
| I'll tell you all about it in a moment. | |
| It was pretty interesting. | |
| I shouldn't... | |
| Look at these people. | |
| Glengarry. | |
| I'm going to take a different route back. | |
| So we don't have to go through the same stuff. | |
| Is everybody groovy? | |
| Can you see me? | |
| Is Fred Haddad on again? | |
| You're buffering. | |
| So let me tell you what I did. | |
| That was awful, wasn't it? | |
| You know what? | |
| I'm going to keep it just as is. | |
| I'm not going to edit a goddamn thing. | |
| Can you see me? | |
| Let me see this. | |
| Is this okay? | |
| Got it together. | |
| Are we seeing this? | |
| Are we straight? | |
| Let me stop for a second. | |
| Are you seeing this okay or is this in the wrong configuration? | |
| Answer me yes or no. | |
| It'll be five by five. | |
| Can you see me? | |
| Because I'm reading sideways. | |
| Is this okay? | |
| You're filming the street sideways. | |
| All right. | |
| I didn't want to go this way because you're going to bitch and moan about we like landscape. | |
| I want landscape. | |
| Well, you're not going to get landscape this time. | |
| Look at this. | |
| What a night. | |
| I'll tell you what I did. | |
| By the way, no complaining about... | |
| Here we go. | |
| Downstairs. | |
| Downtown. | |
| It's about 7 o 'clock right now. | |
| Times Square. | |
| New York City. | |
| And I'm taking you there, my friends. | |
| I am taking you there. | |
| Look at all the tickets, people. | |
| See this? | |
| Can you see all those people? | |
| There we go. | |
| Sport people. | |
| Tourists. | |
| There's this look they have. | |
| In any event, let me tell you what I did. | |
| Receipt ought to receive you. | |
| 40-second clean now. | |
| There we go. | |
| Okay. | |
| I went to a great, great deal. | |
| It was a SAG-AFTRA meeting of local broadcasters. | |
| I have been... | |
| Check this out. | |
| I have been a member. | |
| Thank you. | |
| I just tell people thank you whenever I see them. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Olive Garden. | |
| Can you imagine coming to New York and going to the Olive Garden? | |
| There should be a special place in hell for anyone who goes to the Olive Garden. | |
| That's all I'm going to tell you. | |
| So anyway, what I did was I went to this event. | |
| See, look at this. | |
| They took all this beautiful real estate of Times Square. | |
| This is ridiculous. | |
| This is all 7th Avenue. | |
| What did they do? | |
| They removed it for this. | |
| Why? | |
| Because they want to destroy street travel. | |
| They want to make it all European. | |
| Which is ridiculous. | |
| Money exchange. | |
| Everybody on their phone not paying attention. | |
| I have not been here in a long time. | |
| Huh? | |
| You like this? | |
| These are called macarons. | |
| Not macaroon. | |
| Don't let me catch you saying macaroon. | |
| This is very touristy, my friends. | |
| Oh, oh, before I get back to what I was doing, check out these artists. | |
| Don't ever go there, because remember, the pictures you see on display, they didn't do. | |
| And I promise you, when you get done after sitting for an hour, what's also great to do is just sit, look at the picture, and shake your head in disgust. | |
| Or point and laugh. | |
| That's actually pretty good. | |
| Check this dude out here. | |
| Very good! | |
| That actually looks good. | |
| Oh look at this woman here. | |
| See, this is some type of a self-serving device here where people can... | |
| You go on it, and this device does both a body scan and an x-ray of you simultaneously. | |
| Krispy Kreme Donuts. | |
| My friends, those of you from Tampa, know well Krispy Kreme Donuts. | |
| My father, when we were on Florida Avenue, he could see that red light anywhere. | |
| It was the most incredible thing in the world. | |
| He could see that light and the red light meant the glazed doughnuts were coming off of the conveyor belt. | |
| He would do a bat turn. | |
| There was one on Florida Avenue, one on Kennedy. | |
| Krispy Kreme. | |
| And now, still, I think. | |
| Look at this M&M's world. | |
| This is Elle's favorite. | |
| Look at that. | |
| You like M&M's? | |
| This is the world of M&M's. | |
| Always popular. | |
| Reasons I shan't describe. | |
| So anyway, tonight was a SAG after meeting. | |
| And I was meeting some people that I've known and heard about. | |
| Jim Kerr, who's I think the longest running continuous disc jockey in New York. | |
| I, of course, have my own particular level of fame. | |
| But for reasons that you will not understand. | |
| Just caught you live talking about and showing us New York. | |
| Yes, that's correct. | |
| I just happened to look down for the first time. | |
| Look at this poor woman. | |
| What's her story? | |
| What's her story? | |
| Seriously. | |
| Forced. | |
| I always think. | |
| Mrs. L's got me thinking. | |
| Forced into some type of mandatory. | |
| Slavery. | |
| How about the beginning show? | |
| Do you mind this? | |
| I know this is the... | |
| Oh, look at this. | |
| Thank you, buddy. | |
| Appreciate it. | |
| That's all right. | |
| See that? | |
| Never take anything from anybody. | |
| Anything. | |
| They give you a CD. | |
| They hand it to you. | |
| Then they'll sign it. | |
| They used to do this. | |
| They give you a CD. | |
| Then they sign it. | |
| Then they give you five bucks. | |
| And you say, what the hell is this? | |
| Five bucks for what? | |
| For the CD you want. | |
| I said, I don't want the CD, but I signed it. | |
| I said, no, no, you signed it. | |
| Look at this dude here. | |
| Look at this. | |
| People screaming for no particular reason. | |
| In the corner right now of... | |
| By the way, Jack Dempsey, the famous Jack Dempsey used to be right here. | |
| Right here on our show. | |
| And see, this is taking your life in your hands. | |
| This is really dangerous. | |
| As I was saying, landscape versus portrait. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| Each has its own unique... | |
| I'm normally pretty good at reconfiguring the portrait versus landscape, but I don't know what the hell happened. | |
| And that's the secret to my style. | |
| Confusion. | |
| Total, total confusion. | |
| Look at this handbag. | |
| See that? | |
| You got these Nigerian fellows. | |
| Do you know what this is here? | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, do you know what this building is right now? | |
| Let me just tell you. | |
| Let me just show you. | |
| This is the Brill Building. | |
| This is where everybody, Carole King, Jerry Goffin, Neil, I mean, this is history. | |
| Like you cannot believe. | |
| Now this I hate. | |
| This is a woman asking, begging for money with her kids. | |
| I do not believe in ever calling the police, but having your kids as bait? | |
| No, no. | |
| Sorry. | |
|
Portable Sign Distracted
00:00:22
|
|
| That is disgusting. | |
| Check out this little portable sign on the bus, causing people to look at it, causing a distraction, and a potential death by incineration. | |
| There's another guy here with his dog. | |
| How are you? | |
| Look at this, eh? | |