Lionel Nation - Welcome to the Nightmare: NYC Like You’ve NEVER Seen It
Aired: 2025-05-08
Duration: 11:39


=== I Don't Want To Do This (11:30) ===

[00:00:01]  *Train* *Train* That's not fair.
[00:00:30]  That's not fair.
[00:00:37]  That's not what I want.
[00:00:40]  This is the worst one ever.
[00:00:42]  Let me try this.
[00:00:43]  Let me spin this one around.
[00:00:45]  This is the worst.
[00:00:46]  I'm normally pretty good at this stuff.
[00:00:49]  Wait a minute.
[00:00:53]  I don't want to do that.
[00:00:54]  I don't want to do this.
[00:00:56]  I want to do this.
[00:00:57]  That's not what I want.
[00:00:58]  That's not what I want.
[00:00:59]  Oh my god.
[00:01:01]  What the hell is this?
[00:01:05]  This is insanity, ladies and gentlemen.
[00:01:09]  That's not what I want to do.
[00:01:11]  There we go.
[00:01:12]  What is happening here?
[00:01:13]  You know what?
[00:01:14]  I don't want to do this.
[00:01:15]  Let me try it again.
[00:01:17]  Is anybody saying this?
[00:01:18]  Am I wasting my time?
[00:01:19]  Is this like the worst thing ever?
[00:01:21]  Seriously.
[00:01:22]  Seriously, is this the worst?
[00:01:24]  Can you see what I'm doing here?
[00:01:26]  It says an hour, I mean a minute and 28 seconds.
[00:01:29]  Is this, is this, this is the worst.
[00:01:32]  Okay, there you go.
[00:01:34]  Let me try to spin this thing around.
[00:01:35]  Let me try.
[00:01:36]  Let me try my best, alright?
[00:01:37]  Let me do my best.
[00:01:38]  This is what I want to do.
[00:01:42]  Orientation is locked.
[00:01:43]  I don't want to lock it in.
[00:01:46]  How do I unlock my orientation?
[00:01:48]  God damn it.
[00:01:50]  Keep talking to yourself.
[00:01:51]  Is this great or what?
[00:01:53]  It looks green.
[00:01:54]  I bet you say that to all the guys.
[00:01:57]  Alright, let me turn this around again.
[00:01:58]  Let me see this.
[00:02:00]  I'm going to try this again my friends.
[00:02:03]  I want to, let me see, I'm going to go like that.
[00:02:07]  This is portrait orientation on.
[00:02:12]  I want to do portrait orientation as lock is off.
[00:02:16]  I'm going to go like this.
[00:02:19]  I want to rotate back.
[00:02:22]  I'm going to go like this.
[00:02:24]  Come on!
[00:02:25]  Come on!
[00:02:28]  I'm gonna go...
[00:02:30]  *Pink*
[00:02:42]  Okay.
[00:02:43]  Alright.
[00:02:43]  Is everybody okay?
[00:02:45]  I'm sorry for that.
[00:02:46]  That was the worst.
[00:02:47]  I might even have to edit this.
[00:02:50]  Going by Glengarry.
[00:02:51]  I got done with this meeting.
[00:02:52]  I'll tell you all about it in a moment.
[00:02:54]  It was pretty interesting.
[00:02:56]  I shouldn't...
[00:02:57]  Look at these people.
[00:02:59]  Glengarry.
[00:03:00]  I'm going to take a different route back.
[00:03:03]  So we don't have to go through the same stuff.
[00:03:05]  Is everybody groovy?
[00:03:06]  Can you see me?
[00:03:09]  Is Fred Haddad on again?
[00:03:11]  You're buffering.
[00:03:13]  So let me tell you what I did.
[00:03:15]  That was awful, wasn't it?
[00:03:17]  You know what?
[00:03:18]  I'm going to keep it just as is.
[00:03:20]  I'm not going to edit a goddamn thing.
[00:03:23]  Can you see me?
[00:03:26]  Let me see this.
[00:03:27]  Is this okay?
[00:03:29]  Got it together.
[00:03:31]  Are we seeing this?
[00:03:32]  Are we straight?
[00:03:35]  Let me stop for a second.
[00:03:37]  Are you seeing this okay or is this in the wrong configuration?
[00:03:41]  Answer me yes or no.
[00:03:42]  It'll be five by five.
[00:03:43]  Can you see me?
[00:03:44]  Because I'm reading sideways.
[00:03:46]  Is this okay?
[00:03:47]  You're filming the street sideways.
[00:03:48]  All right.
[00:03:51]  I didn't want to go this way because you're going to bitch and moan about we like landscape.
[00:03:56]  I want landscape.
[00:03:58]  Well, you're not going to get landscape this time.
[00:04:02]  Look at this.
[00:04:04]  What a night.
[00:04:06]  I'll tell you what I did.
[00:04:08]  By the way, no complaining about...
[00:04:11]  Here we go.
[00:04:12]  Downstairs.
[00:04:12]  Downtown.
[00:04:15]  It's about 7 o 'clock right now.
[00:04:17]  Times Square.
[00:04:17]  New York City.
[00:04:18]  And I'm taking you there, my friends.
[00:04:20]  I am taking you there.
[00:04:22]  Look at all the tickets, people.
[00:04:23]  See this?
[00:04:24]  Can you see all those people?
[00:04:26]  There we go.
[00:04:29]  Sport people.
[00:04:30]  Tourists.
[00:04:32]  There's this look they have.
[00:04:34]  In any event, let me tell you what I did.
[00:04:39]  Receipt ought to receive you.
[00:04:40]  40-second clean now.
[00:04:41]  There we go.
[00:04:42]  Okay.
[00:04:47]  I went to a great, great deal.
[00:04:51]  It was a SAG-AFTRA meeting of local broadcasters.
[00:04:57]  I have been...
[00:04:59]  Check this out.
[00:05:00]  I have been a member.
[00:05:02]  Thank you.
[00:05:04]  I just tell people thank you whenever I see them.
[00:05:07]  Thank you.
[00:05:09]  Olive Garden.
[00:05:10]  Can you imagine coming to New York and going to the Olive Garden?
[00:05:13]  There should be a special place in hell for anyone who goes to the Olive Garden.
[00:05:21]  That's all I'm going to tell you.
[00:05:22]  So anyway, what I did was I went to this event.
[00:05:27]  See, look at this.
[00:05:29]  They took all this beautiful real estate of Times Square.
[00:05:33]  This is ridiculous.
[00:05:34]  This is all 7th Avenue.
[00:05:35]  What did they do?
[00:05:36]  They removed it for this.
[00:05:39]  Why?
[00:05:40]  Because they want to destroy street travel.
[00:05:44]  They want to make it all European.
[00:05:47]  Which is ridiculous.
[00:05:49]  Money exchange.
[00:05:51]  Everybody on their phone not paying attention.
[00:05:56]  I have not been here in a long time.
[00:06:00]  Huh?
[00:06:01]  You like this?
[00:06:04]  These are called macarons.
[00:06:08]  Not macaroon.
[00:06:10]  Don't let me catch you saying macaroon.
[00:06:15]  This is very touristy, my friends.
[00:06:17]  Oh, oh, before I get back to what I was doing, check out these artists.
[00:06:21]  Don't ever go there, because remember, the pictures you see on display, they didn't do.
[00:06:27]  And I promise you, when you get done after sitting for an hour, what's also great to do is just sit, look at the picture, and shake your head in disgust.
[00:06:36]  Or point and laugh.
[00:06:38]  That's actually pretty good.
[00:06:41]  Check this dude out here.
[00:06:44]  Very good!
[00:06:47]  That actually looks good.
[00:06:52]  Oh look at this woman here.
[00:06:59]  See, this is some type of a self-serving device here where people can...
[00:07:07]  You go on it, and this device does both a body scan and an x-ray of you simultaneously.
[00:07:16]  Krispy Kreme Donuts.
[00:07:19]  My friends, those of you from Tampa, know well Krispy Kreme Donuts.
[00:07:26]  My father, when we were on Florida Avenue, he could see that red light anywhere.
[00:07:33]  It was the most incredible thing in the world.
[00:07:36]  He could see that light and the red light meant the glazed doughnuts were coming off of the conveyor belt.
[00:07:43]  He would do a bat turn.
[00:07:48]  There was one on Florida Avenue, one on Kennedy.
[00:07:52]  Krispy Kreme.
[00:07:54]  And now, still, I think.
[00:07:55]  Look at this M&M's world.
[00:07:57]  This is Elle's favorite.
[00:07:59]  Look at that.
[00:08:01]  You like M&M's?
[00:08:02]  This is the world of M&M's.
[00:08:05]  Always popular.
[00:08:07]  Reasons I shan't describe.
[00:08:10]  So anyway, tonight was a SAG after meeting.
[00:08:14]  And I was meeting some people that I've known and heard about.
[00:08:19]  Jim Kerr, who's I think the longest running continuous disc jockey in New York.
[00:08:30]  I, of course, have my own particular level of fame.
[00:08:35]  But for reasons that you will not understand.
[00:08:41]  Just caught you live talking about and showing us New York.
[00:08:44]  Yes, that's correct.
[00:08:45]  I just happened to look down for the first time.
[00:08:49]  Look at this poor woman.
[00:08:51]  What's her story?
[00:08:53]  What's her story?
[00:08:54]  Seriously.
[00:08:56]  Forced.
[00:08:57]  I always think.
[00:08:58]  Mrs. L's got me thinking.
[00:08:59]  Forced into some type of mandatory.
[00:09:06]  Slavery.
[00:09:07]  How about the beginning show?
[00:09:08]  Do you mind this?
[00:09:10]  I know this is the...
[00:09:12]  Oh, look at this.
[00:09:14]  Thank you, buddy.
[00:09:15]  Appreciate it.
[00:09:16]  That's all right.
[00:09:18]  See that?
[00:09:19]  Never take anything from anybody.
[00:09:22]  Anything.
[00:09:23]  They give you a CD.
[00:09:24]  They hand it to you.
[00:09:26]  Then they'll sign it.
[00:09:28]  They used to do this.
[00:09:29]  They give you a CD.
[00:09:30]  Then they sign it.
[00:09:31]  Then they give you five bucks.
[00:09:33]  And you say, what the hell is this?
[00:09:34]  Five bucks for what?
[00:09:36]  For the CD you want.
[00:09:37]  I said, I don't want the CD, but I signed it.
[00:09:39]  I said, no, no, you signed it.
[00:09:41]  Look at this dude here.
[00:09:45]  Look at this.
[00:09:48]  People screaming for no particular reason.
[00:09:52]  In the corner right now of...
[00:09:54]  By the way, Jack Dempsey, the famous Jack Dempsey used to be right here.
[00:09:58]  Right here on our show.
[00:10:02]  And see, this is taking your life in your hands.
[00:10:06]  This is really dangerous.
[00:10:09]  As I was saying, landscape versus portrait.
[00:10:12]  I'm sorry.
[00:10:13]  Each has its own unique...
[00:10:16]  I'm normally pretty good at reconfiguring the portrait versus landscape, but I don't know what the hell happened.
[00:10:23]  And that's the secret to my style.
[00:10:25]  Confusion.
[00:10:26]  Total, total confusion.
[00:10:33]  Look at this handbag.
[00:10:34]  See that?
[00:10:35]  You got these Nigerian fellows.
[00:10:37]  Do you know what this is here?
[00:10:39]  Ladies and gentlemen, do you know what this building is right now?
[00:10:42]  Let me just tell you.
[00:10:44]  Let me just show you.
[00:10:45]  This is the Brill Building.
[00:10:49]  This is where everybody, Carole King, Jerry Goffin, Neil, I mean, this is history.
[00:11:02]  Like you cannot believe.
[00:11:03]  Now this I hate.
[00:11:05]  This is a woman asking, begging for money with her kids.
[00:11:09]  I do not believe in ever calling the police, but having your kids as bait?
[00:11:14]  No, no.
[00:11:14]  Sorry.

=== Portable Sign Distracted (00:22) ===

[00:11:16]  That is disgusting.
[00:11:18]  Check out this little portable sign on the bus, causing people to look at it, causing a distraction, and a potential death by incineration.
[00:11:32]  There's another guy here with his dog.
[00:11:35]  How are you?
[00:11:38]  Look at this, eh?