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March 23, 2025 - Lionel Nation

02:25:37

Deep State in TOTAL MELTDOWN as Trump and DOGE Prepare the Final Blow!

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	The news changes minutes before I start, hence this bit of a delayed start.
	Absolutely incredible.
	The news changes and trying to figure out how important the news is is another story.
	Because we're seeing so much stuff.
	And if you don't know how to filter it, you're unable to go through with it.
	Mrs. L and I play a new game.
	Every time she sees a Tesla, she says Tesla.
	So we were driving, tooling about today.
	Went to one of our favorite Italian joints.
	And all she says is Tesla.
	Tesla.
	Tesla.
	They're all over the place.
	They're everywhere.
	I never knew.
	I think there are more now than there were whenever.
	I can't believe how many Teslas there are.
	I can't believe it.
	For something so reviled, so hated, so despised, I cannot believe how many there are.
	And what they're doing is they're pissing off the smartest, richest man who has money he doesn't even know about.
	You can't put into, how do I say this?
	You can't quantify how much money he has.
	You can't quantify it.
	You think you can, but you can't.
	And he's sitting there and he says, okay, I'm going to go.
	That Jamal Bowman?
	Calling him a Nazi?
	Get him mad.
	Keep it up.
	For the longest time, these people have felt that they have been protected by and with this immunity, the likes of which I can't believe even exist.
	They think they are unbelievable.
	They think they are unable to be touched, that they are impenetrable.
	Pervious.
	For reasons I don't understand.
	It blows my mind.
	But here's the story that just absolutely...
	You want to go crazy?
	Mrs. L saw this and did a piece on it.
	Oh, you've got to get a load of this one.
	From the New York Post today.
	Meet New York City's...
	This is here, of course, but it applies.
	Worst pro-defendant judge who frees violent perps.
	Allegedly berates sex crime victims and prosecutors.
	New York City's worst judge, as per the New York Post, who lets violent perps walk free a stunning 85% of the time, was once so, quote, condescending to a sex crime victim, the woman refused to testify in her courtroom.
	This is what sources report to the New York Post.
	Queens Criminal Court Judge Wanda Wendy Licitra is, quote, the bane of our existence, a Queens District Attorney insider said.
	Quote, she has no concern whatsoever for victims of crimes.
	Out of 43, this is according to the New York Post, out of 43, Felony cases overseen by Lysitra, I will anglicize the word, between January and June of 2024, this is what, six months, right?
	She set bail only five times and held no suspects in pretrial detention, an 85% release rate.
	Set bail only five times.
	No bails.
	Promise to show up.
	This is according to a New York Post review of the latest available from the Office of Court Administration data.
	Her only concern is the defendant and how I get this person out of jail, one court source said.
	That was the highest rate of all city judges.
	With at least 25 felony criminal cases.
	Listen to this.
	Lisitra's alleged affinity for criminals was on display in the 2024 sex crime case.
	Two sources reported to the Post.
	Lisitra, 65, quote, declared a mistrial during summations on the case.
	Because she didn't think the prosecuting attorney was doing a good job, one source said, noting that the judge spoke down to the victim.
	Granted a mistrial?
	Declared a mistrial during summations?
	The case already went through it.
	Opening statements, jury selection, cross-examined questioning.
	They're in closing argument or summations, and then she says, this is according to this article, quote, when the case came up for retrial, the woman who testified before her refused to testify again.
	Un- Unbelievable.
	Let me see this.
	Yes.
	The Democrat judge's treatment of the victim was a serious problem.
	A second source added the victim was not happy with the way the judge had spoken to her.
	The case was ultimately dismissed.
	This awful thing happens, and because of the way they're treated within the system that's supposed to be protecting them, she was not willing to testify again.
	The Citra, a former legal aid defense attorney, Who now earns upwards of $196,000 as a judge, has no love for ADAs or assistant district attorneys either.
	Quote, this is from a source, she's disrespectful to prosecutors.
	She loves defense attorneys, but when prosecutors open their mouths, she's condescending and she's nasty.
	How about this?
	The second insider recalled how, in a different case, a prosecutor went to court to ask to speak to Lasitra and waited two hours, only to have the judge, who was appointed to the bench by de Blasio, refuse.
	Quote, it seemed like it was very intentional.
	Court records show the judge refused to look at crystal clear video in the 2024 assault case against a repeat criminal who, at that point, had racked up 26 prior...
	Arrest.
	Listen to this.
	The hulking six-foot-one suspect, Courtney Jacobs, was caught on camera randomly, quote, choking and beating a LaGuardia Airport pilot who was in full uniform on the city bus on his way to work.
	The prosecutor had sought one year behind bars for the sea trip.
	Pleaded with the judge to consider the overwhelming evidence, including photos of the pilot's injuries and potential testimony from the victim, before offering the suspect any detail.
	This is what members of our community, victims on buses and subway platforms, are truly terrorized by stranger attacks, unprovoked for no reason by someone bigger and stronger.
	The prosecutor noted she'd worked extensively with the defense to see if Jacobs had a mental illness or could get treatment, but found he was simply a sociopath.
	Jacobs understands what he is doing wrong.
	He just chooses to do it, and it is problematic.
	Lysitra, the judge, was unmoved.
	You've got to see this picture.
	You've got to see...
	The judge, Lysitra rather, the judge was unmoved.
	Quote, I'm a big girl.
	I'm perfectly able to make my own assessment and determination, she said, ultimately begrudgingly agreeing to review the tapes.
	Jacobs could have been given a two-year sentence, but instead was behind bars for just over three months.
	And he goes on and on and on.
	This is, ladies and gentlemen, the corruption that we have to deal with.
	And that President Trump, even though he's federal...
	I hope you watch, my friends, a video that I did with the inimitable and the ineffable Charles Ortel in one of the most Unbelievable recitations as to the horror show of the Clinton crime family.
	This web of fraud.
	And I want you to see this.
	It's really good.
	I mean really, really good.
	It's so thorough.
	And for the longest time, these people simply don't care.
	I want you to understand something.
	When you're dealing with rats, when you're dealing with vermin, when you're dealing with bugs and rodents and critters and pests and things that get into your home, you have to block it, plug it, or set traps for them.
	You can't reason with a rat.
	You can't reason with these people.
	They've been doing this forever.
	These people have fraud and a disrespect for the nation.
	It's in them.
	There are people, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, who are so vile, they are predatory.
	What you and I enjoy, you might get off on music, being with your family, going to church, honoring your Your lover, your savior, whatever you do, they get a kick out of victimization.
	And if all of a sudden the judge has said, oh no, no, no, no, it's over.
	Because the word gets out.
	The word gets out.
	This is something which I cannot put into detail.
	I can't explain it.
	And the good news is that this president, And Elon Musk are going to go at it tooth and nail just for fun.
	And I am telling you, as I'm reminding myself, we must be patient.
	I have been far too impatient.
	60 days.
	I was telling Mrs. L today as we had a wonderful afternoon.
	Oh, it was great.
	We're going to go dancing on a Wednesday night.
	I'm going to go dancing.
	We got this little Italian joint where they stay.
	They keep saying, you know we have music.
	Okay.
	You know we have music.
	Okay.
	We have dancing.
	I said, we're going to go.
	Because you have never lived until you've seen us dance.
	We were at a, we were doing, we do dirty dancing in the Lombada.
	We do stuff that's so filthy, sailors wretch.
	And we were told one time, boy, you're really good.
	They were serious.
	But I digress.
	But as we're speaking, as we're discussing, we're recognizing the fact that there's no, there's no, there's no fear.
	But the president is going to do it.
	Oh, I was going to say, we were saying, and I'll say it again, I think it's interesting.
	If President Trump just said, I'm not doing anything again, this is it.
	And on today, the 61st day of his tenure, if he said, I'm done, I'm not going to do anything until the end of my term, he will still have done more than Joe Biden did in four years.
	You hear what I'm saying?
	If he did nothing more than what he's done in 61 days, he's done more.
	We have to start with judges.
	Prosecutors?
	We're going to have to show people at all levels there's a new sheriff in town.
	I mentioned something to you today we were talking about and it's important and I'm going to do a thing of Snow White.
	And Snow White is not the story.
	It's not about Snow White per se.
	That's not it.
	It's the world that we live in.
	And for the longest time, people have been asking, why do people do things that ultimately affects their bottom line?
	Now think about this.
	Why?
	Why do you think there has been, for the longest time, an absolute disregard for anything involving the bottom line?
	And the answer is so simple, even I missed it.
	The reason why nobody seemed to care is because they were being paid.
	They were being made whole, so to speak, by, and let's just call it USAID.
	Listen to what Charles Ortel and I said.
	Ortel said that if Bill Clinton...
	Had really been smarter, using the elements of fraud, corruption, and basically criminal enterprise that he and his wife have.
	And by the way, she's always made out to be the money-hungry fool.
	Oh no, he is.
	Don't kid yourself.
	Bill Clinton could be worth about $10 billion.
	Easy.
	Easy.
	When you get on and you're a president, you have...
	I wish I could show you.
	I can't, but there are people who showed me stuff that...
	Oh my God.
	I saw stuff one time on Africa.
	He goes, look at this.
	You are...
	No.
	The Clintons are special.
	And for the longest time, she felt, she said, I don't have anything to worry about.
	And she didn't.
	You know all about the bleach bit.
	Sean Hannity made it his point to make sure you understood about bleach bit.
	They don't care anymore.
	And it's incumbent upon us to teach them a lesson.
	It is that simple, my friends.
	It is that simple.
	Listen to me very carefully.
	But first, this.
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	My friend, I was going to tell you something about this and how it's important what we're seeing right now.
	You see, the left, these people that we talk about, they really don't understand what we're about.
	I threw it back in.
	Watch it kick up a little bit.
	What we're talking.
	I don't think they understand.
	Look at the people that President Trump just basically revoked, rescinded their security ratings and the like.
	This guy is dead, dead serious.
	How about this idiot, this Jamal Bowman?
	Remember Jamal Bowman?
	Remember who he was?
	This is the guy who is so...
	He is one of the most stupid people.
	Jamal Bowman.
	This is a guy who he tried to trigger, remember the fire alarm?
	He's retarded!
	And I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	I don't know what the word is.
	He's retarded!
	He's an idiot!
	He's in that Jasmine Crockett.
	I'm sorry.
	Do the math.
	Figure this thing out.
	Whatever you want to do.
	I don't know who these morons are.
	Who's that guy?
	Hank, whatever his name is, he was worried about Haiti tipping over.
	He's in the Maxine Waters.
	He's in the Nancy Pelosi.
	He's in the AOC.
	These are people who are idiots.
	And in this world, it doesn't matter.
	So he decides to go on CNN and just talk out of his arse.
	And he refers to Elon Musk.
	As a Nazi, let me ask you a question.
	If I gave you a paper and pen and a book and said, answer this question, what is a Nazi?
	Could you answer it?
	I'm dead serious.
	I'm dead serious.
	Could you answer the question?
	Probably not.
	Our good friend Carolina Guy says, December the 19th.
	2024, my mother was put on a ventilator, and that night I found my dog of 15 years and passed away.
	You were there for me, thank you.
	Oh my God!
	Oh my God!
	I don't even know what to say.
	Your mother and your dog?
	Oh.
	Well, listen, you made mine.
	I hope I did something.
	I don't know what I could possibly do.
	But you know, it's funny.
	We've been through a lot of stuff together.
	I've got people too.
	I've had so many friends.
	I don't want to mention their name.
	I don't want to call them out because they may be gone for a reason.
	I just never see them anymore.
	And I get worried.
	I get strange.
	Like, how's our Lori Cuck doing?
	How's she doing?
	Lucy, you got some explaining to do.
	Very good.
	Dita, by the way, or Didi, excuse me, is a new member.
	Thank you for that.
	Or as I called it, Dida.
	But this is...
	These people don't care.
	They don't care.
	So anyway, if you had to explain what a Nazi was, 83%, if you had to explain, what would you say?
	What would you say?
	Could people answer it?
	Could people answer it?
	One of the best pieces, one of the best lectures, if you can go and find it.
	And I'm sure this is a man who certainly does not agree with me politically, but he is one of the most, and has been one of the most brilliant, brilliant historians ever.
	And his name is Webster Tarpley.
	And Webster Tarpley does, if you go online on YouTube, I hope it's still there, and he's with this woman.
	And Webster is trying in this to be very, very nice, and he gives you the history of Hitler.
	It's one of the best ever.
	But this woman keeps interrupting him.
	And she says, and I can't believe that Hitler...
	Listen, madam, you're going to have to let me finish.
	Let me get through this.
	This is very important.
	Okay.
	Now, Brown Brothers Harriman, and he explains where this guy came from and whatnot, and she does it again.
	And he says, I'm not going to tell you.
	He's pissed off.
	It's great.
	But it's one of the greatest stories ever.
	You want to listen to what he does on...
	He was with Lyndon LaRouche.
	This guy was.
	I don't think he particularly cares for me now because I am an acolyte to President Trump and he despises him.
	But so be it.
	What are you going to do?
	You know what?
	I don't care.
	But I will tell you when you know something that's going on.
	By the way, have you been finding out what's going on in the Daily Wire?
	Pay attention.
	Find out who pays people for what.
	Find out who is behind people.
	Who are these people?
	Who is behind this?
	Oh, by the way, listen to Ortel talk about CPAC.
	Oh!
	My thoughts exactly.
	You see, let me explain something.
	You may be the most horrible person ever.
	But your recognition of a particular fact is so interesting.
	There is a guy...
	May I provide you with this one too?
	Let me see if I can give you a...
	Oh, he's very, very good.
	This fellow I was watching before.
	And I want you to make a note of this.
	Because if I come up with somebody good, I'll let you know.
	And I don't particularly care, like I said, about...
	I don't care about...
	Politics.
	If you're good at something, I will let you know.
	His name is Roy Casagranda.
	I think he's University of Austin or Austin.
	Roy Casagranda.
	Big house, I guess.
	Casagranda.
	He has one of the most incredibly just watch him.
	Get a piece.
	Roy Casagranda.
	I was also watching something.
	You're going to love this.
	There was this poor guy named Jake, I think his name is Jake Newfield.
	He was on with, have you heard the Rabbi Yakov Shapiro?
	Have you heard him?
	He's an anti-Zionist.
	Oh my God.
	And I don't think, I believe this is one, this young man did not understand The analogy he was making with infinity.
	This is what I'm listening to.
	Now, why do I do this?
	Do you want to talk about Israel?
	For example, do you know the history?
	Do you know what Zionism is?
	Talk to an anti-Zionist.
	Talk to a pro-Zionist.
	Listen to Jerusalem Post.
	Listen to Finkelstein.
	Listen to Shapiro.
	Listen to everybody.
	Listen to Casa Grande.
	How did this start?
	What's Sykes Pico?
	Listen to Webster Tarpley.
	If you met them at a party, invariably, I am convinced, upload it, honey, 100%.
	You shouldn't make it sound like that.
	Okay.
	No, but I got it.
	I did it for you.
	All right.
	It is incumbent upon you to know everything, and you're not going to get everything.
	You're not going to learn this from Ben Shapiro.
	You're not.
	Or...
	I don't know why I picked Ben Shapiro.
	But look and see where things are going.
	Huh?
	Oh.
	I want you to understand.
	Mine says.
	Mine's up.
	It's done.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm sorry.
	You're right.
	Checking.
	Well, that's good.
	Anyway, we're talking.
	Excuse me.
	It's very rude or whatever.
	I apologize.
	This is important for you to understand this and grasp this.
	I want you to understand.
	James Britton, ladies and gentlemen.
	Anybody in Tampa remember Britton Plaza?
	Probably not.
	Is the Tapper Pub still there?
	Pleasure.
	Anyway, I had a brain for it.
	Thank you.
	Now, moving down the line.
	Let's look at a few things here.
	This is what I do, which I like you to do.
	Number one, by the way, how about George Foreman?
	There was a...
	I didn't want to post it, but it was kind of like a takeoff.
	It was like a joke about a casket that looked like a Foreman grill.
	It was funny, but you know how they say, too soon?
	I kind of liked him.
	I always thought he was such a...
	That George Foreman grill was one of the most incredible things in the world.
	I liked him.
	I'm not sure what he died of and from.
	Sometimes, let me see if I can explain something to you.
	And Mrs. L reminds me of something.
	And this is something which I can explain only to you.
	And men, this is only something you can understand.
	Sometimes, there is something funny about a joke that is terrible.
	Have you ever heard that?
	Have you ever told somebody?
	I have friends of mine.
	Two of them who are cops.
	And whenever there's a horrible joke, we will send it to each other.
	Text it.
	And it's horrible.
	And that's why it's funny.
	We're not laughing at the idea of death or mayhem or corruption, but it's so horrible.
	It's funny.
	Does that make sense to you?
	Does that make sense?
	I wish I could tell you the list of jokes that I have found that were interesting.
	Sparky says, apparently, Tim Pool...
	Hitched his outfit to the wrong horse, the Daily Wire.
	He thought the genocide would be over quickly before anyone noticed, but he had to feign ignorance about the story.
	Yeah, Mr. Poole, I was reading about this.
	And Sparky, you probably know more about that than I. Huh?
	Yeah, Daily Wire.
	Yeah.
	Right, Daily Wire is right.
	This is a very interesting thing about this fellow.
	Who was, I don't know who was backing him or whatever it was, but you know this more than I, Sparky.
	This fellow who, the credit cards didn't work.
	So now they're wondering, I think, didn't Candace Owens, didn't Candace Owens, she was involved in, I don't know.
	Remember Vice?
	Years ago, remember Vice?
	What was his name?
	Shane Smither.
	Remember that one?
	George Foreman was a great American.
	I think he was too.
	Named all his kids George.
	Remember that?
	Good man.
	In any event, in any event, what was I going to say?
	Oh, oh, so I was going to tell you.
	So one of the best things that I like to do when I want to sit down, I just want to see something real quick.
	I always go to X and I go to explore and it will find those news stories.
	So here we go.
	Lightning.
	This is the hockey.
	I don't care about this.
	March Madness.
	Don't care about it.
	Don't care about it.
	Don't care about sports.
	Don't care about it.
	Kind of, you know, empathic.
	Don't care about it.
	Today is William Shatner's 95th birthday.
	There was a fellow years ago who was on a radio station who made some reference to his having a toupee and he went Berserk.
	Fire and evacuation at Epcot, honey.
	A fire has been reported at Epcot Village in Walt Disney World with heavy smoke observed from the boardwalk.
	The France Pavilion area was...
	I hate Disney World with a passion.
	When I was a kid...
	1970...
	Maybe...
	We were driving on I-4.
	You're not going to believe this.
	Maybe you'll believe it.
	We used to go on these things called Sunday trips.
	Did your father ever do that?
	How many of you great Americans went on a Sunday...
	This is all day.
	Her family, they were like, let's go for a ride.
	And they pack you up in this...
	Station wagon, you know, with the vinyl seats and they're really hot.
	And then some kid would be in the back looking out the back.
	And you had the handle.
	Did you have the handle that brought the window down and maybe a luggage rack?
	Like it had wood on the...
	Anyway.
	You would just go out and drive.
	That was your trip.
	And you never complained.
	I said, okay.
	No iPad.
	No nothing.
	Just looking at stuff.
	Just looking at this.
	So anyways, we're on I-4.
	And there was this little trailer on the side of the road with some cars that pulled over.
	I don't know why.
	I thought maybe it wasn't an accident.
	So we got out.
	We crossed the highway.
	We're looking at this thing.
	And it was an artist concept of Walt Disney World.
	And it was nothing but orange.
	It was orange fields and nothing.
	It wasn't...
	Yeah, Groves, right.
	She's correcting me.
	So anyway, so we're looking at this.
	When it opened, when it opened, you could put Disneyland in the parking lot of Disney World.
	So my father, you should now remember.
	Each of the parking lots were a goofy, goofy, dopey...
	Dummy, whatever, all these names.
	So he says, now remember the elf, or whatever it is.
	Or dwarf, excuse me.
	Not elf, dwarf.
	What's the difference?
	It was Goofy or no?
	See, anyway, this is what happened.
	No, Goofy is Walt Disney.
	This is Snow White.
	This is the dwarf.
	Dopey, sneezy.
	Goofy's not a dwarf.
	Anyway.
	Well, that's the thing.
	See, here's what happened.
	So my father said, now make sure you remember this.
	So we gotta know where our car is.
	When we go back, he says, okay, what is it?
	And my father, my mother, I'm sitting here, my sister who had no early, no, no, who would do anything I told her.
	Anything.
	She was like my, I told her she was adopted.
	I said, the police brought you.
	What?
	It's true.
	Don't tell mom I told you.
	When?
	It's a long time ago.
	You don't remember.
	What?
	I told her she had eczema on her arm.
	I said, you put your arm in a fire.
	I did?
	You don't remember?
	I said, well, the trauma, sometimes you don't remember.
	I told her she had arthritis.
	She had a knobby knee.
	I said, you have arthritis.
	What's arthritis?
	All people get it normally, but she'll grow out.
	Anyway, whatever I told her, she believed.
	But the police brought you.
	That was the best.
	So anyway, so we're sitting there.
	I can see my mother.
	And we're saying, okay, goofy?
	No, that's the dog.
	And we're trying to remember.
	So they had, lo and behold, thankfully, they had this tram filled with people.
	Filled!
	And the driver says, can't find your car?
	He says, no, hop on board.
	So we were on this tram of people.
	Who couldn't remember where they parked the car?
	That was the most fun.
	Not Disney World.
	People say, it's a white Chevy.
	The driver's saying, Jesus, look around you.
	Oh, you're right.
	And every car.
	Wait a minute.
	And we would go, I don't know how we found a car.
	That was the most fun.
	When you went to, listen to this, when you went to Disney World at first.
	And by the way, the reason why I'm building it is because I saw this story that said Epcot Fire.
	When you first went there, they had a hamburger, which was horrible, grape juice.
	Remember those plastic...
	They used to have an orange with a plastic...
	This was a grape.
	I don't know what it was.
	That and nothing.
	I think It's a Small World was open.
	I hated this place.
	Hated it.
	Hated it.
	I said, what are we doing?
	What is this?
	We had to walk a long way.
	For what?
	But there's one thing.
	What is the one thing you still cannot buy at, well, this would, maybe not now, but the thing you could not buy, you could not buy gum.
	They will kill you.
	If you buy gum, they will kill you.
	True story.
	I worked for WABC.
	We were there for the 50th anniversary.
	WABC, ABC, Disney, you know, we were the same.
	And we went, and I loved, I said, show me the, we had this one guy who says, you want to go to the whatever?
	I said, no, let's go over here.
	Show me.
	Show me the factory.
	Show me behind the scenes.
	I saw where they did the laundry.
	And the thing, I'll never forget, we stood in front of this big warehouse.
	He goes, okay, now walk.
	Imagine, you're looking this way, and there's the warehouse.
	Move to the left until you see the end.
	See a move?
	Still there.
	Move?
	Still there.
	Sometimes on the turnpike in Jersey, you can see these big garages like, you know, where you think you see an Amazon.
	I saw no end to this.
	As I should go blind if I...
	I saw no end.
	Where does this end?
	Didn't it?
	The dryers.
	For the tablecloths, the sheets, the uniform, whatever it is.
	I've never seen, it looks like turbines that power up an aircraft carrier.
	And then once they get done with this, then they rip them and they make cloth.
	Fantastic.
	I've got to tell you a quick story.
	You're going to love this.
	When you work at Disney, They put you through the most incredible psychological treatment, or not treatment, what am I trying to say?
	Review.
	And if you're Mickey Mouse, if you're Mickey Mouse, it's easier being president.
	They gotta make sure, you're Mickey, you're not some freak, they do checks on you.
	Because they will take, you touch a kid or her, dressed as Mickey, and that image, Mickey is God to them.
	You don't understand this.
	It might be different now, but this was them.
	So, I heard this story, which I think is fantastic.
	They have these doors, all of a sudden, and the security is there.
	Remember that kid who was grabbed by the, they were walking around, this gator came out and grabbed him, pulled him under?
	They had that case settled in 20 minutes.
	All of a sudden, out of nowhere, they're the lawyers.
	The door moves and it's underground.
	Anyway, so here was the story.
	Summertime, Florida, Orlando, Orange County.
	They have the Main Street Parade.
	I didn't have one in Nile, but they had some kind of a parade.
	So Mickey Mouse is up on this Float.
	And Mickey's waving like this.
	And Mickey says, nobody can hear him, but these people are waving, you know, the attendants, you know, hey, how are you?
	Mickey's got the big glove, you know, with the two fingers or three fingers.
	He's got this helmet on, and he's packed in ice.
	Mickey says, I'm getting sick.
	I don't know if he's hungover or flew or whatever, but the fellow says, you know, the attendant, don't worry.
	We're almost there.
	And this guy, Mickey, says, bullshit, we just started.
	We've got another 25 minutes to go, and I'm going to die.
	I'm going to throw up.
	Just don't worry, we'll almost be done.
	And Mickey's saying back, and they're like arguing, but you can't hear him.
	Don't give me that nonsense about making it.
	I'm telling you, I'm going to get sick.
	You can't take the helmet off.
	One time, there was a story they told me of a kid.
	The guy goes backstage.
	He wasn't in the clear.
	He didn't go beyond the security where you can take off this big space helmet, the Mickey helmet.
	And some kid saw this kid where the guy takes his head off and there's a man's head.
	Did Mickey eat it?
	Anyway, kid still is.
	I think he was climbing a belt.
	I think he's a serial killer to me.
	So they said, under no circumstances do people ever see Mickey.
	Without the helmet.
	Period.
	We will shoot you figuratively.
	Okay, back to this.
	I'm going to get sick.
	And of course, they're talking.
	He says, well, you can get sick.
	Don't worry.
	That's bullshit.
	And all of a sudden, he said, don't take the helmet off.
	I'm dying in here.
	And Mickey's going like this.
	All of a sudden, this kind of turned into this.
	And then...
	Mickey is encased in this, I don't know what, this vomit, this emesis inside his helmet.
	And they're worried that maybe it would, you know, anyway.
	So somebody jumps up, jumps up on the float, and they have this, I don't know what it was.
	And they grab Mickey's arm, they put Mickey's arm here, Mickey's arm here.
	And he's like crucified.
	You can see this.
	This Christ-like, this crucifixion.
	And Mickey's head.
	And they're lifting his head up.
	And they're going like this.
	And kids are going, Mommy, what's wrong with Mickey?
	He's resting.
	Mickey's dead.
	I don't know if Mickey's dead.
	Who knows?
	But this thing.
	And it's the slowest ride.
	150 degrees.
	Baking inside this wool.
	Packed with ice, but who knows?
	And there's Mickey who's...
	I hate Disney World.
	There was something called Pleasure Island.
	Pleasure Island redeemed itself.
	I don't know if it's there anymore, but Pleasure Island, this was in 95. We had a good time at Pleasure Island.
	That's all I'm going to tell you.
	Who knew?
	Disney World.
	Who knew?
	It was wild.
	But in a good way.
	In a clean way.
	Having good Christian fun.
	Okay.
	Trump and Musk make way at the NCAA Wrestling Championships.
	Very good.
	William Shatner's 95. Can I tell you something?
	I'm going to make an announcement.
	And I'm not going to be like Rick Rohr this morning who...
	Never watched it.
	I never watched it.
	I'm not proud of this.
	I'm not bragging about this, but I have never seen a Star Trek.
	As people say, when I hear Star Trek, I go crazy.
	It's Trek.
	But I've never seen a Star Trek ever.
	I'm not proud of it.
	I have never had any interest In any of that.
	Science fiction?
	Star Wars?
	I don't understand.
	It's a level, and I'm not proud of it.
	I'm telling you it's about me.
	Just whatever.
	Did you ever watch Star Trek?
	Did you care about it, honey?
	I didn't care.
	The suits and the Ohura.
	Yeah, I'm thinking, what are you doing?
	This is amazing.
	Look at this.
	I said, what?
	The sets look great.
	Everything looks great.
	I thought it's about time, it's about space.
	Remember that?
	I thought lost in space.
	Remember, was it Dr. Harris?
	What's his name?
	No.
	Not Dr. Harris.
	Jonathan Harris was a guy.
	Anyway, anyway, anyway.
	Lost in space.
	What was it?
	Dr. Yes.
	Dr. Smith, thank you.
	Yes, Dangerwell Robinson.
	Did you know that was the first robot I liked?
	He could kind of throw some electricity at you.
	Here we go.
	Look at this one.
	Zachary Smith.
	This was Dr. Smith.
	Remember this one?
	Jonathan Harris.
	Jonathan Harris.
	Hello, Dr. Jonathan Harris.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Where do you think Jonathan Harris, he died in 2002 at the age of 87. Where do you think he was born?
	He had a British accent, right?
	He was born in New York.
	He was born in New York.
	He was, of course, two Russian Jewish immigrants.
	His mother was...
	Bukowiczki and Sam Chirac.
	Isn't it something?
	But he's born in...
	Roscoe Lee Brown was born in, I don't know, Red Hook.
	He's phony!
	But in any event, I did not watch one of them.
	Here's where he said, Jessica Eber, a Biden attorney, has been found dead in Alexandria.
	I don't know what that is.
	I don't know why.
	There's a picture.
	She's standing there with Merrick Garland, and I'm looking at Mayorkas, and I want to spit.
	Very, very sad.
	I don't know why she did this.
	How about this one?
	Did you see this coach pull this girl's hair?
	Northville basketball coach Jim Zulo fired after he pulls this girl's hair.
	Did you see this?
	I would put it up for you, but I don't want to do this.
	Goes up as a girl, grabs her hair, fires her.
	What are you doing?
	Oh, on the spot!
	A girl?
	It's only a stupid game.
	It's only a game.
	I don't think I'd be very good as a coach if I'm saying it's only a game.
	Don't get hurt.
	Don't hurt yourself.
	NYU website hack exposes admissions data.
	How about this?
	New York University's website was briefly hacked on Saturday, displaying alleged test scores and possibly a racial slur.
	The hacker claimed to replace the university's homepage with data showing average SAT, ACT and GPA scores by race, highlighting disparities among racial groups.
	Is that racial?
	If it's true, is that racist?
	The university has restored the site, but the incident raises concerns about data security.
	If they were to put something out that shows that, let's say, black students did worse than anybody else, or Asian students did better, is that racist?
	Is it?
	It's true.
	You got Jamal Bowman who calls Elon a Nazi.
	That's okay.
	Why?
	He's black.
	It's CNN.
	But if somebody said, hey, look!
	Peruvian transgenders did better than black...
	I don't understand it.
	What's the deal?
	Our good friend Johnny Mazespaz says, Robbie the Robot from Forbidden Planet was great.
	Didn't know that one.
	William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy were best in the entire Star Trek franchise.
	That I believe is true.
	Leonard Nimoy apparently was a bad alcoholic.
	Very, very serious later on.
	I did not know that.
	Who knew?
	You know who were some great Alkies?
	William Frawley.
	Bill Frawley.
	Bad.
	Remember him?
	This was Fred Mertz.
	When he played Dub.
	No, not Dub.
	He was on My Three Sons.
	He was so bad, Ernie would have to go across the street and get him.
	And he was loaded out of his mind.
	He was just, he had his load on.
	Anyway, I just found that was funny.
	He was a bad, bad one.
	But Desi Arnaz loved him.
	Absolutely loved him.
	How about this one?
	Recent social and media discussions have discussed on the popularity of Vice President J.D. Mance.
	Various posts and reactions reveal a significant divide in public opinion.
	Some users cite new data, claiming Vance to be the most disliked new vice president in American history, while others include notable figures strongly support him.
	Let me ask you, why would somebody not like J.D. Vance?
	I'm a pretty tough audience.
	I think he's great.
	Let's do an informal Lionel Nation poll.
	Do you like J.D. Vance?
	Don't you like him, honey?
	I like him.
	I like his wife.
	I like everything about him.
	Who likes...
	Let me rephrase this.
	Who doesn't like him?
	Who doesn't?
	I think he's fine.
	I don't know him.
	Jonathan Harris was a pharmacist out of Fordham, but quickly went into acne.
	You know that?
	I did not know that.
	You know what Sparky does?
	Sparky's so terrific.
	You've got to understand what Sparky does.
	Sparky will do this, as an example.
	We'll be talking, he'll say, I had a cousin one time who met Jonathan Harris at a party.
	He's my cousin.
	Okay.
	Later on he'll say, my cousin was Scott Carpenter, who was an astronaut.
	What?
	He was married to a woman whose grandmother was Mrs. O 'Leary from the Chicago Fire.
	It was Mrs. O 'Leary.
	And they just keep...
	I mean, true.
	But they just start...
	Wow!
	One night he was...
	What were you talking about?
	Your grandfather or something?
	Some Wild West?
	It was...
	I wanted just to say, the hell with me.
	Let's just listen to Sparky talk about his father.
	It was something else.
	In any event.
	There was another thing too.
	Oh, here we go.
	Spiritual leaders are guiding the president through his second term.
	And some of these, those have very colorful past.
	Trump's faithful.
	What's wrong with that?
	Well, town hall event erupts in chaos as Republican trolls angry liberal crowd with donuts.
	He didn't show up to the people who said donuts.
	That's good.
	If I were the president, I would have somehow, I don't know how you could do it now, but I would try my best.
	I would try to find out the equivalent of Ernest Ainsley.
	Ernest Ainsley changed my life.
	Do you know who Ernest Sainte was?
	Did you know Ernest Sainte, honey?
	Baby, foul, death, spirit, be gone.
	Yay!
	In the name of Jesus.
	I watched him.
	I was...
	My friend and I became evangelical born again.
	And we just, we became...
	I watched everybody.
	But in the South, we had better words.
	The best...
	David Paul was the best.
	Ever.
	As far as I'm concerned.
	And we saw people like, you know, Robeson and Oral Roberts.
	Sundays.
	I remember as a kid, it was the best.
	It was a who's who.
	Well, Ernest Lange, he said, in the name of the bad toop, the terrible toop, that awful.
	And he would do, yay!
	You've seen him, right?
	Foul, death spirit be gone, yay!
	In the name of God.
	Loved him.
	Benny Henn couldn't hold a candle.
	Well, he, in 1980, came to Curtis Hickson Hall in Tampa.
	I went with my friend Scott and a woman named Sophie, well, she's no longer with us, she was a Jew for Jesus.
	Couldn't understand that, but we took her.
	We showed up and I I said, I want to be slain in the spirit, where you say, are you, and then, you know, filed, you know, generic whatever, sin and drugs or whatever it was.
	Yolanda Torres, wait a minute!
	Speaking of which, Yolanda says, hi, Lionel.
	Have you listened to Tom McDonald's politically controversial music yet?
	Curious on your thoughts.
	No, but I will.
	Is that the same Yolanda Torres?
	I think.
	Because sometimes they come, sometimes they go.
	Did Trump really name the F-47 after him?
	You know, I did not know that.
	I did not know that.
	I did not know that.
	Miss Mary says, the shake and fall.
	Anyway.
	So we went there, and it was packed.
	Ambulances, people in stretchers.
	I've never seen anything like it.
	They had a group of four men singing.
	This is a music group.
	You know what his group was called?
	Yes.
	The Singing Men.
	I swear to God.
	I said, leave it to him.
	Up and down.
	I can see it like it was yesterday.
	Packed.
	There's all the seats.
	People are just walking around.
	This was weird.
	There were no seats on the floor.
	On the ground, rather.
	People were just standing there, and you'll find out why.
	And people went up and down the aisles with, you know, Kentucky Fried Chicken Buckets?
	Kentucky Fried Chicken Buckets.
	They had things around it, but it was people just throwing in money up and down, and the singing men were playing.
	Here he comes, in the name of Jesus.
	There he is, the man.
	I said, we're going to get slain in the spirit.
	Can we?
	I said, what do you mean, can we?
	Yes, we can.
	We're sinners.
	Are we sinners?
	Yeah, we're going to get saved.
	What the hell are we here for?
	And my friend was like, I don't know if we can do this.
	What do you mean?
	Don't you want to be saved?
	He said, well, not really.
	I said, well, you're going to be saved because in the name of Jesus.
	And I kept going like this.
	And people realized we were mocking.
	I said, come here, let me tell you something.
	And I hit him and we were hitting each other.
	Because that's what he'd do.
	He would go like this and people would fall back.
	So anyway, we got on the floor.
	And he says, if you have alcohol problems this way, you stand in line.
	Come on, let's go.
	If you are under the influence of drugs, go over here.
	That's a tough one.
	Why don't we go halfway?
	If you're just fucked up.
	Go over here.
	So we're wanting decisions.
	We'll kind of stay in the middle.
	We're not really sure what's the matter.
	If you're just a sinner, that's us.
	We're over here.
	And poor Sophie.
	She's like 80 years old.
	She doesn't do anything.
	So we lined up.
	And here comes Ernest with that beaver pelt.
	I don't know what it was.
	It was the worst tube.
	It was so bad.
	But he went up Up and down.
	And instead of just hitting everybody, he would walk down and say, think of Jesus, think of Jesus, think of Jesus.
	And then he turned this thing.
	And then moved up.
	He hit everybody.
	So he had men standing.
	Now, I'm standing there.
	He has two guys behind us with tablecloths.
	And I said, I don't know what this is, but this is going to be good.
	Tablecloth.
	But that size.
	Let me see what they would do.
	For women, What he would say, would you like to do the sinner's creed?
	Yes!
	The people are crying.
	And you raise your hand and you do the sinner's creed.
	And then he says, yay!
	And he hits your forehead.
	Then he hits you.
	And these women, their eyes would roll back and they would fall.
	But the guys would help them put a tablecloth on their dress.
	Because they had dresses that would come up.
	I should you not.
	Oh, right!
	I thought, well, that's nice.
	So, Now, my friend, Scott, is looking at me, and he's getting a little nervous.
	He's thinking, is there something to this?
	I don't know if I want to be saved.
	I said, just think, today, my friend, salvation.
	You and me, putting our wicked ways away.
	Right, Sophie?
	She's so happy to be there.
	I thought, this is the greatest thing, and it's free!
	You pay nothing for this!
	Here he comes.
	I should go blind if I'm lying.
	I should go blind.
	Right now, if I exaggerate one thing, Sophie was first, he did this thing, she just tips back, and the two men kind of helped her down, and I think they just threw a blanket on her, whatever it was.
	She didn't have a dress, but just hypothermia.
	My friend, my friend, Scott, he...
	When he got that, he did the sinner's, whatever, he just did the yay.
	The sinner's creed is when you're a hard case, which you'll find out.
	When my friend Scott was hit, you know, in the forehead, his eyes did like one of the, I'm not kidding you.
	And I'm thinking, oh no, this is real.
	And he started, and he went back, and they helped him down, and he was just, they weren't moving.
	I mean, they're not convulsing or anything, but there were people.
	Now, I'm going to tell you something, and you're going to laugh at me.
	You're going to think I'm kidding.
	You're going to think I'm exaggerating.
	But there was one person from somewhere doing the curly routine.
	What is going on here?
	There are people.
	It looked like Jonestown.
	I don't want to joke about it.
	People were on the ground.
	They're not moving.
	With tablecloths on them, and men walking, and the singing men are playing.
	I thought, this is...
	I don't know what to make out of this.
	Well, he comes to me, and he does this, and I don't move.
	I am not kidding you.
	I'm kind of like saying, tough one, huh?
	He says, are you saved?
	I said, no, sir.
	He raised your hand.
	I raised my hand, and I repeat after him, whatever, the sinner's creed.
	And he does this.
	Now this time he pushes me but I'm like on my heels.
	So I'm wobbly.
	The two men are helping me down because if they didn't I would have fallen.
	It's interesting how they kind of knock you off.
	So I went out and I immediately got up and said it didn't take something stupid like that.
	My friend is still He's out.
	Not out, not convulsing, but they're just, it was the most incredible thing I've ever seen in my life.
	Absolutely phenomenal.
	Years later, I was at the University Square Mall on Fowler Avenue.
	And who is parked in this bus?
	Really far away, Ernest Aingeley.
	And I racked up and said, you probably don't know me.
	I think it was a long time ago.
	I said, I saw you at Curtis Hickson.
	And I said, and I was slaying the spirit.
	And it was an event that I'll never forget.
	I'm just glad to see you.
	He says, are you saved?
	I said, no.
	I said, but it was an event that I'll never forget.
	That is what I consider to be Star Wars to me.
	That is it.
	I Loved it.
	I love tent rallies.
	I like carnivals.
	I don't like Star Trek.
	Give me charismatic, faith healing, spiritual.
	I love it.
	Sorry.
	Ms. Mary says, no way.
	Way.
	Look at this.
	Somebody says, I love this.
	Kathy says, my cheeks hurt.
	That's the nicest thing you can say to me.
	Kathy also says, I'm going to pee.
	Oh, here's one for you.
	My dear friend, oh God, years ago, his name is Hector.
	Hector owned a gym.
	I love him.
	Remember Hector, honey?
	I loved him.
	And he was, some time ago, it never would work out.
	I would just talk to him because he told me these great stories.
	And in the Catholic Church, there was something called the Charismatic Movement.
	The Charismatic Movement was the Pope didn't like it.
	They didn't care for any of this stuff.
	And because it was Hellfire and Brimstone and the Holy Spirit and all this stuff.
	And so, ooh, I like this.
	It was really, like, holy world.
	And you would have these, you would go out into the, like, parts like Thanoda Sassa, you know, these weird, kind of like, like in the woods, like these Catholics.
	Catholics would meet and they would have this rogue priest who couldn't tell anybody you did it.
	It was an animal sacrifice, but they just were into this hallelujah and shaking and the church didn't care for that.
	So my friend Hector said, listen, you're going to go to this, but I want you to know something.
	You're going to see something that's going to change your life and it's going to scare the shit out of you.
	Something's going to happen to you.
	I'm just warning you.
	Really?
	Something's going to happen.
	You're kidding me.
	Hector was so great, he was in the Marine Corps in Korea.
	He was going over there, and he did the longest confession ever.
	And the priest said, get out of here.
	And he said, wait a minute, I remember something.
	Get out!
	You don't have to say it.
	Anyway, I loved him.
	So he's telling this story.
	So he's worried.
	And he says, I don't know what's going on.
	They're in this church, but it's not really a church.
	It's like not a...
	Catholic Church and it's not sanctioned.
	It's like N.W.A.
	It's not sanctioned by the N.W.A.
	So he said, oh my God, I'm waiting for this.
	So far it's been pretty mundane.
	All of a sudden, like out of, he said it was so real, his right leg pulls.
	It's like somebody is like a demon or somebody is grabbing his leg and pulling it and he pulls it so hard.
	That he becomes, he loses balance, and he's like, if you can imagine, sitting in a pew, or a church, as somebody pulls you, you're holding on to the thing in front, and you're going down, and it's like Kilroy was here, kind of your hands, and you're, you know.
	And somebody says, look!
	The Holy Spirit!
	You know, and they're speaking in tongues and glossolalia.
	It's always African sounding.
	Or Tarzan African.
	Not African, but always that.
	Anyway.
	Boom, like a Tina Turner African.
	They're chanting.
	So anyway, they're yelling at him and they're speaking in tongues.
	And he said, wait, no, no.
	And he meant to say, no, it's not what you think.
	What happened was, a woman behind him caught her purse.
	He put his foot and looped it through the handle of her purse.
	She didn't know this.
	And she's wondering, is somebody trying to steal my purse?
	Because she's pulling it, and somebody will pull it back.
	It was my friend Hector with his foot.
	So she's yanking it, and he's yanking it, and she's really giving it all her go.
	So he's screaming, no, I've got my leg caught.
	It's not what you think.
	But nobody could hear this.
	So they're coming around.
	This woman behind him is pulling.
	I mean, I just thought about that.
	And I'm going to tell you something.
	In my stage of life now, I don't know if you've had this happen to you, but I have brain farts constantly.
	Constantly.
	And I will be talking to somebody about something.
	Yes, I'm here to pick up the prescription for, and all of a sudden, this side of the screen, I'll think of Hector getting his leg pulled, and I'll start laughing.
	I don't know what made me think of that, or I'll think about something terrible that I did, and I think to myself, am I facing the end of my life?
	Is this some kind of a, you know, I'm seeing my life.
	I don't know what it is.
	But I think about these events and I laugh because they were, at the moment, comedically, mathematically perfect.
	Perfect.
	The events, you couldn't write them.
	If I wrote this story, they're in this woods and the leg and it's just, and life is filled with that.
	And I see things, and I look, and I see the humor.
	I know you're not going to think, I know you're not going to think so, but what we went through with the past, last four years, and Kamala and Biden, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
	It was tragic, but it was funny.
	We had a woman who was running for president who was retarded, couldn't speak, who said stuff that nobody talks about.
	She was laughing.
	We had a guy before it who was clinically brain dead.
	He was senescent.
	He was hobbled by decrepitude and he was the President of the United States!
	And we kept looking at it like, can you...
	And for four years, they made us think we're crazy!
	And the people are going to come in from out of the country and they're all criminals, okay?
	Is this happening?
	Yeah.
	Is this okay?
	And this pond scum, waste of flesh, drug addict, criminal, thug, sexual batterer, horrible, named George Floyd, we're going to treat him like he's a god.
	Remember Gilligan's Island when they had that totem that looked like a coconut head, looked like they thought Gilligan was the god?
	That's what we did with George.
	And if you think about this, it's one of the funny, he was a dirtbag.
	Scumbag, scumbugget, piece-o, who didn't even, he wasn't even killed by virtue of Officer Chauvin.
	If you think about it, I know you, it's hysterical.
	Edie says, a lady interrupted a Pentecostal church to cast a demon out of me.
	I can't necessarily say that that's, um...
	Let me just go on the record.
	I cannot rule out demons.
	I can't rule them up.
	I can't rule out Sugar Plum Bumpkin too, as Robert Klein would say.
	I don't know what that is, but I can't prove it either.
	So I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I wish we could somehow get...
	But anyway, thank you for that.
	You do realize what we went through.
	You do realize that we live in this world right now that...
	We live in a world...
	Where we have the lefties, these people, and the left now is like saying crazy.
	They loved EV, okay?
	If it was electric, they loved it.
	Remember that stupid Prius?
	It was wonderful.
	Why is EV or hybrid?
	We love it.
	Carbon footprint.
	Well, Elon Musk comes along and says, okay, I got the ultimate.
	This is 100% electric, as fast as hell, and I think they're the ugliest cars, but it doesn't really matter.
	And today we saw every other car.
	Okay.
	It's not like a Yugo, a Stretch, but as you can imagine.
	So these same people, all of a sudden, overnight, now they hate them, and they're tearing up and blowing up and putting swastikas on the cars of people who own Teslas.
	Do you think Teslas tend to be more right-wing or left-wing?
	Answer, left-wing.
	So, they're writing swastikas on the side of lefties who bought this car and they're saying, wait a minute.
	We like these.
	We loved Elon.
	Not anymore.
	Why not?
	Because of such and such.
	They're burning!
	I don't...
	I don't understand.
	Remember in the movie Goodfellas when Karen Hill, Henry Hill's Lorraine Barracco said, by the way, you see her after the surgery.
	Not even recognizable.
	Anyway, they said, and you know, Mickey, Jimmy Burke's wife, Mickey Conway, spat on the floor during a search warrant.
	He goes, In her own house.
	She's been on the floor.
	People are destroying cars belonging to the left because now, all of a sudden, Elon Musk is a Nazi.
	And they can't tell you what a Nazi is.
	And this retardate, Jamal Bowman, or whatever, who pulled a fire alarm, he was censured, he's on CNN, and he said, he called it, This is insane.
	I swear to God, it's absolutely insane.
	This is how I look at my life.
	This is everywhere I look.
	I laugh at this.
	Because it's really funny.
	I mean, it's sad.
	It's tragic.
	It's about very, very serious things.
	But think about this.
	For four years, we had somebody who was dead.
	You had this woman who was so stupid, and here's the best part.
	Listen to what they did.
	The other day they said, Jill Biden says, I got an idea.
	What is it?
	By the way, Jill, are you a doctor?
	No, I got an EDD out of a community comment.
	No, I'm not a doctor.
	No, they think you're a doctor.
	Remember, Whoopi Goldberg thought she was like a doctor, an MD.
	She did.
	This is Whoopi Goldberg, who also is retarded.
	I'm sorry to say that.
	I'm sorry to use this word, but it's so perfect.
	So Joe Biden says, I got an idea.
	We're going to come forward.
	And we're going to say that we're gearing up.
	Oh, come on.
	Let's do this.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	What do you say?
	Sure, I'm in.
	Okay, I'm in.
	So they put it out in Daily Mail or something.
	The Democrats are saying, we're coming back.
	And Joe was going to show people how to do it?
	Yeah.
	Joe's going to campaign.
	You can't write this.
	This is the greatest stuff in the world.
	This is beautiful.
	Do you hear what I'm saying?
	It's the most incredible thing I've ever heard in my life.
	And I'm supposed to react to it?
	I mean, they just don't.
	And the thing is, they keep thinking they're in charge.
	They keep thinking they're in charge, and they're not in charge.
	That's what I'm trying to tell you.
	They're not in charge of anything.
	So, don't get too upset.
	I know it's tough.
	I know you go through this stuff, sometimes you think, ah, this is awful, this is terrible.
	But believe me when I tell you this, it's really not as bad.
	It's not as bad as you think, because these people...
	Have given me some of the funniest stuff to actually be a part of and to just figure this out.
	I don't get it.
	But the good news is, and I tell you this, please do not lose faith in this president.
	Now, I'm going to tell you again that in 61 days, He has done more than anything anybody could ever have imagined anybody could do.
	Do you hear what I'm saying?
	In 61 days.
	It's like nothing I ever thought even remotely possible.
	I am so thankful for him.
	Whatever he wants to do is fine with me.
	Did you see him?
	He had the evangelicals?
	I would have earned it.
	Or he's dead.
	Yep.
	He was with Elon.
	And he was at the NDCAA Wrestling.
	And I love this man.
	And he's out there and he's doing his stuff.
	Good for him.
	He loves to be president.
	He honestly...
	Kitty Dukakis died.
	Let me ask you something for you.
	Let me see if you know this.
	Don't answer this, honey, because you and I were talking about this.
	If I said to you...
	Kitty Dukakis.
	What's the first thing that comes to mind?
	Let's see who gets this one first.
	In fact, let me see if we got this.
	Let's see.
	Let's see what you...
	Yeah, it's very, very...
	Okay.
	Let's see.
	What did you think?
	Look at this.
	Drunk, ladies and gentlemen, she writes, Takei writes, mouthwash.
	Okay.
	Mental breakdown, yeah.
	No, but you're close.
	Okay, alcohol, but they said Greek.
	Very good, Farscape.
	I appreciate that.
	Kitty Dukakis in 1989 was briefly hospitalized after drinking rubbing alcohol.
	Rubbing alcohol.
	Even worse.
	Yeah, she was hospitalized because she drank a small amount of rubbing alcohol and experienced a severe reaction.
	She, she was the one really, Betty Ford gets the credit, because Betty Ford, you know, you say Betty Ford, you think Betty Ford couldn't, but Kitty Dukakis, that has got to be horrible.
	What was the thing?
	I heard mouthwash too, but mouthwash just doesn't, there's nothing in there.
	I mean, if you're trying to get high off a mouthwash, remember they would always joke about drinking vanilla extract?
	Remember that they thought?
	What did Michael Dukakis in?
	What did him in?
	What did it in?
	Aftershave, look at this, I'll point.
	What was the, by the way, I had my friend of mine gave me one time a bottle of Aqua Velva, which I loved the smell of years ago.
	That was filled with this liqueur, and it looked exactly blue, and we used to drink, take shots of aqua velva.
	It was liqueur, but it looked...
	Oh, yes.
	Sparky said, remember, if Kitty Dukakis was our attack, would you advocate the death penalty?
	And he said, no, Bernard, Bernard Shaw, that's right.
	What did him in, though, was the helmet.
	The helmet that tank commanders wore.
	He looked like an idiot.
	It was that.
	He just didn't have it.
	The helmet did him in.
	That was it.
	John Kennedy, the tank ride.
	That's right.
	Sparky members is the tank ride.
	But it's the helmet.
	The tank ride's okay.
	John Kennedy, remember that time?
	What was it?
	Dallas?
	Well, they said, I miss Kennedy.
	Don't you think we got on here to give you a hat to keep the rain off your hat?
	And they gave him this cowboy hat, and Kennedy's head was big enough as it is.
	And he said, well, I'll tell you what.
	I'm going to bring this back, and you can come to Washington, and you can wash the back.
	I said, what?
	Remember, because he said, basically, I'm not putting this hat on.
	Even Kennedy knew, I'm not putting this hat on.
	I think he wore a top hat once and he goes, take this shit off.
	He was the last.
	He got rid of it.
	Stop wearing hats.
	But he knew.
	Not Dukakis.
	Nope.
	Dukakis didn't have it.
	Dukakis was also Willie Horton.
	Lee Atwater.
	Willie Horton deranged Assault or sexual crazed?
	Remember that grainy, horrible picture?
	Willie Horton was let out on a furlough thanks to Michael Dukata.
	And Willie Horton came on here and if you vote Michael Dukata, he will attack your daughter!
	He goes, oh my god!
	And they did it.
	Clovis Steve Dreamcoat.
	Where in the hell have you been since JFK was into beaver pelts?
	I hope he's not insinuating that was a rug.
	That was his real hair.
	You know, Dream Killer, I've been wondering about you.
	He's like, where have you been?
	I always think, what's going on?
	The number of people I...
	I was looking for a friend of mine tonight.
	I said, I wonder where he is.
	I looked at this guy's name.
	He was a law friend of mine.
	Lawyer.
	I looked up and he said, suspended over non-payment of fees or dues.
	I said, who gets suspended for...
	Anyway.
	And I'm glad to see you back.
	Glad to see you back, my friend.
	You do know that we're still going back and I know Sparky did a lot of stuff.
	We learned absolutely nothing regarding the JFK files.
	Remember that one?
	Nothing.
	Nothing.
	It was nothing.
	Nothing.
	It was the funniest thing and people would have a picture and they would have the highlight and they would say Benjamin talked to Ben-Gurion.
	See?
	Now we know.
	What?
	What are you getting at?
	We're talking about the Jews in Israel.
	Israel did it?
	Oh yeah, Israel.
	Because it says, so you let people go.
	That was what, two days of that?
	And now we're done.
	We forgot the whole thing.
	You know who else we're talking about?
	We're talking about Diddy.
	P. Diddy.
	Nobody gives a shit about him anymore.
	Does anybody care about him?
	Oh yeah, did he?
	Oh yeah.
	What's he in for?
	Oh really?
	I don't know.
	Okay.
	Yeah, maybe.
	Look at this.
	C3D now says, Sir, I am 72 and I am exactly where I was when JFK was killed.
	Well, don't keep us in suspense.
	Mrs. L, as a matter of fact, was born right at his inauguration, right?
	Or the day before.
	The day before the inauguration.
	Think about that.
	Snowy.
	How perfect.
	I, of course, was born during the last couple of years of the Eisenhower.
	I just loved saying that.
	Doesn't it?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Eisenhower.
	But, anyway.
	Now, today I was supposed to be talking about the Deep State Total Meltdown, but I talked about it instead.
	You know what?
	I like doing that.
	And when somebody says, I made you laugh, that makes me more happy.
	That makes me happier than anything I could possibly do.
	I'm serious.
	Yeah.
	We had this woman one time, Mrs. Oh, my God, Mrs. Young.
	I used to love when I was a kid, my parents never let me, they never told me, don't, you know, don't.
	We used to go every year, Treasure Island, a place called Trails, it was a Trails End, and you go over the bridge, Treasure Island, on St. Pete, there was a big Thunderbird, might even still be there.
	Mrs. Young was there, Hazel Young.
	And we were sitting, and they were playing cards, and I sat in this room in this little beach, right there in the Gulf, and my parents would play cards, and they never cracked a window, and they would smoke cigarettes the whole night.
	I swear to God, nobody thought, open the window, there's kids.
	So she was in a wheelchair, and I would tell her jokes.
	And she says, oh, oh, oh!
	I said, what's the matter?
	That's funny.
	Oh, oh, I pee, oh, I pee.
	Mom, are you peeing?
	I said, what is this?
	It's a smoke.
	She's peeing.
	Old lady peeing.
	And my father says, stop it!
	I said, I'm not doing anything.
	You're making her laugh or she's peeing.
	I said, it's not intentional.
	I'm sorry.
	I'll stop.
	Oh, tell me a joke.
	I said, I'm not going to tell you a joke.
	No, tell me.
	I said, okay.
	Two guys walk into a bar and she's, oh no!
	Oh no!
	Oh no!
	And she's doing this.
	And my father says, God damn it.
	That was my name.
	God damn it.
	I thought I told you.
	She wanted to hear the joke.
	And then Mr. Young, he was great.
	Dick Young, he's playing card.
	He's not even listening to smoke.
	And there's this woman.
	So I said, you know what?
	I'm going to go in for the kill.
	So I said, what's the difference between everyone?
	I don't know.
	She goes, oh no!
	Oh no!
	So she was soaking in her own ear.
	This reminds me of my childhood.
	Treasure Island.
	Smoke-filled room.
	I'm inhaling all this stuff.
	Mrs. Young is sitting in her wheelchair peeing.
	Soaked in her own waist.
	And that's when I said, I've got a talent for this.
	One day I'm going to go into the cutting room and make people soil themselves.
	Clona Steve says, I've been in Scotland for a month doing medical service and the Wi-Fi was horrible, but I'm back.
	Medical service, huh?
	I think we know what that is.
	I think we know all about that, buddy boy.
	I think we know all about that.
	Okay?
	And just leave it at that.
	And I'm not going to pass judgment.
	But I think we know what that medical service is.
	I think we know all about that.
	Let's don't make a big deal out of it.
	Just let it go.
	But I think we know what your medical service is.
	Okay?
	Which is okay.
	You're entitled to make a buck too.
	Who am I to say what's clandestine and what's illicit?
	I'm not.
	Isn't it funny though when you remember things just as a kid?
	And I wish kids today kind of knew that.
	You know what I mean?
	We really had it made.
	I never understood it.
	I never...
	There's a friend of mine.
	We talk.
	I think I knew him.
	We might have been four or five.
	I don't know.
	He was my first friend.
	And we still talk.
	And one time he set his, he called it the utility room.
	I can still see.
	He set it on fire.
	He was like, isn't this matches?
	We did so much stuff.
	And I thought to myself, and we always reminisce.
	I said, it was just a glorious time to be a kid.
	We just, all of us would meet and we would, I know it sounds stupid, Climb trees and just talk and negotiate things and...
	Well, I wasn't there.
	No, he did it.
	Oh, I mean, they were saying, people were saying, you know, he's never going to get out.
	Like, he's grounded forever, you know.
	He's never going to...
	He's done.
	Well, he set his thing on fire.
	It's like it's a crime.
	Brad says, Trump in Philadelphia, NCAA wrestling, you missed my last chat.
	We were talking about that, Brad.
	Hang on a minute.
	Brad is making sure we know.
	I'm going to get to the bottom of this, Brad.
	Hang on a minute.
	Brad said Trump.
	Let me see, Brad.
	Hang on a minute.
	I'm looking.
	Brad, I don't see it.
	I'm normally pretty good at that.
	Oh, here we go.
	Here we go.
	Oh, Bob.
	I'm so sorry.
	Bob Costas, 73. Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, 77. Wolf Blitzer, 77. Bob Costas?
	Bob Costas?
	Wow.
	Thank you.
	I thought he was 95. I thought he was 95. Better check that, Brad.
	I don't want to, you know...
	What was that?
	You made me think of something just from this, from these people.
	Oh, Wolf Fletcher.
	I told you that Wolf Fletcher story.
	I was in Washington and I was waiting to, we're on a panel and I really like doing panels.
	I always was pretty good at panels because it was so boring.
	But I would say something that would bring the room down and crack them up because I just had a sense of humor and they didn't.
	I was about to say, I was waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
	To say something, I said, now's my chance!
	Because I would wait.
	And I waved my hand, and Wolf Butcher was about to go to me, and he said, just a minute.
	Just a minute, Lionel, just a minute.
	And he pulls out, he had a pager, a little case, a little carrying thing.
	He said, let me see.
	Oh, I'm sorry to report.
	The Daniel Pearl, remember they decapitated this poor man?
	The remains have been found.
	Daniel Pearl did it, whatever.
	Okay, Lionel, go ahead.
	And I said, thanks, Wolf.
	Thanks.
	I had this, I was really gonna kill you with this line.
	No, but you have to, you know.
	So the room was so nervous, they kind of laughed.
	Not at Daniel Pearl, but at me.
	This is my test.
	Thanks, Wolf.
	Thanks.
	Appreciate it.
	He says, no, I'm merely, no, I know you, you know, I'm waiting.
	The whole time for this, and you know, your timing is impeccable.
	So anyway, I actually got a bigger laugh.
	Not because of Mr. Pearl, but that story was very strange, wasn't it?
	Sparky says, I was still like Little Rascals Our Gang when we grew up.
	Kids today can't imagine.
	Do you remember one of the best Robert Klein routines was on the Our Gang Listen to it.
	It is absolute perfection.
	Hal Roach.
	Remember the songs?
	Pa-da-pa-da-pa-da-pa-pa-da-pa-da-pa.
	They had no dialogue, just music.
	And they would have this kid, I'm doing his routine very poorly, and Spanky would say, I don't feel like going to school today.
	Ten minutes.
	Me neither.
	So they decided to play hooky, and they took a strainer and put paint through it.
	To make it look like white, no, no, red, no, black dots look like measles.
	And for stymie or buckwheat, I forget, they would take white paint.
	So that is being racially intensive.
	And they played hooky and the teacher would say, they would do that really kind of like that real clever like, whoa, we'll see about that.
	They had the truant officer, Edgar Kennedy.
	Why you kids?
	anyway they looked in and all the kids had ice cream and to pay them back and Spanky said we'll never play hooky again that was Remember the dog?
	It was, not I was.
	Thank you for that.
	Darla, very, very strange.
	Remember that one kid who was real fat and tough, the bully?
	He looked like, he's like, Alfalfa, terrible man.
	Remember, Alfalfa was, oh, no, not a murderer.
	He was murdered.
	Alfalfa became a murderer.
	No.
	He was killed.
	I think it was a punty.
	His name was Carl Switzer.
	Carl Switzer was 31 years old.
	He was born in Paris, Illinois.
	He was an American child actor, a comic singer, a dog breeder, and a guide.
	I don't know what that guide means.
	But his death was sometime in 1959.
	Switzer agreed to train a hunting dog, a treeing walker coon hound.
	For Moses Samuel Budd stilts.
	This is getting too complicated.
	There was a struggle.
	The gun discharged.
	Yeah, very, very.
	Remember when you were a kid?
	The stories that I want to know the bottom of.
	Bob Crane?
	Well, we know he was murdered, but we don't know what...
	Really, who did it?
	Well, but who did it?
	Why?
	Remember George Reeves?
	When I was a kid, we were told that George Reeves, who played Superman, jumped out of a window because he thought he was Superman.
	Remember that?
	But we were told that.
	Sparky says he was a hunting guide.
	Now, this is when Sparky has to go into this tangential story about his uncle, Festus Dalmatian Beauregard, his uncle, who was also a guide during the Boer War.
	Raul Rodriguez says, remember the teacher Mrs. Crabtree and Petey the dog?
	Yeah, that's right.
	That is exactly right.
	Those used to come on Sundays, Sunday morning.
	Hal Roach.
	It was a pit bull.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yes.
	I was trying to explain to somebody and maybe this is me just being nostalgic.
	Maybe that's it.
	Maybe it's, I don't know, my own senescence.
	I have no idea.
	But remember when comics on Sunday It's the only time you cared about...
	I like Parade Magazine.
	It was my thing, too.
	But the comics.
	There was a guy who read the comics.
	I thought that was the greatest thing in the world.
	Comics on Sunday.
	And then one day, they just stopped.
	My mother liked Mary Worth.
	I said, what is this?
	There's nothing to it.
	Mary Worth.
	My sister was funny.
	Nancy.
	It was by Ernie Bushmiller.
	And I insisted that my sister couldn't understand Nancy.
	Nancy was an entry-level cartoon.
	If you don't understand Nancy, there's something very seriously wrong.
	People didn't speak English.
	You don't have to understand.
	Three panels, you know, nothing to it.
	But I convinced her she didn't understand it.
	That she got it wrong.
	It was very mean, yes.
	Very, very.
	It was very mean.
	It was very, very mean.
	There's something about...
	But you know what?
	You know, God or whatever gives you a sibling.
	You know, you're very close.
	You know, because you only want to say, can you believe these people?
	You know, they don't...
	Remember when your parents, especially, did you ever have parents, did you ever have a younger sibling?
	And your parents, like, Used up all of their anger on you.
	And then when the younger one came along, you could say, I don't know who this...
	I think it was...
	There's a comedian who said something about this.
	He says, I don't know who these parents are.
	They're your friends.
	I don't know these people.
	Sparky says, kids in our day developed initiative and imagination, which helped leadership and creativity.
	We didn't even know then...
	Why we were doing things.
	When you used to sit, who did this?
	Got a big bag of these plastic green soldiers.
	My friend, I don't want to mention his name, he had a very distinctive name.
	He's like the only person named this, I think, in the country.
	Well, no, there was another famous one.
	But anyway, let's just call him Eddie.
	And Eddie and I, I can remember this.
	We would go into our flower bed and we would scoop the sand out or the dirt or soil or whatever the stuff you put in the flower bed and we'd have our little bag and we'd do the and do this or I'm going to kill you!
	And it was violent.
	You son of a bitch!
	nods
	I loved it!
	I loved it!
	Who doesn't remember this?
	It was fun!
	And it was, what was it?
	Violent, destructive guns.
	Yeah!
	It was great!
	Sparky says, kids say they only have supervised play, but they also don't have...
	It's more than just that.
	I have a friend of mine who's a fourth grade teacher.
	I don't know what they're doing.
	I don't, we don't know.
	Let me tell you this much.
	We call this a ball, okay?
	And when you're a kid and your brain says, okay, make me work.
	Make my wiring kick in.
	Let me, you know, develop.
	Do things.
	Think, imagine, play music.
	Run, do stuff so that I can start to innervate, not enervate, but so I can start connecting.
	So you take something as simple as this.
	Oh, okay.
	Oh, it's got some weight.
	Spatial, you know, parietal.
	Here I am.
	Here it is.
	And there you are.
	Let me see.
	I'm going to throw this a couple of times.
	I've got to grab it.
	I've got to guess.
	By virtue of this way, I'm doing calculations in my head.
	I'm guessing the weight.
	I'm going to see how hard should I throw it.
	And your brain's saying, thank you!
	We just made a new connection that you're going to need later on.
	Sparky says, they don't have as many broken bones as we did.
	So there's that.
	Well, that's true.
	That's true.
	But...
	But we also had a concomitant sense of broken bones but also toughness.
	There was a toughness part of us.
	There was this thing that we didn't...
	Like I one time had a firecracker go off.
	I had my arm out and my friend lit it or was going to light it and I was going to throw it and the fuse went and pow!
	My hand was like numb, like tingling, like your hand was in your jacket and my nails turned black.
	So we went to this doctor and he said, yeah, you're not going to lose your hand or anything.
	He said, okay, that's good.
	Nails aren't looking too good.
	And I felt this tingling anyway.
	So guess what happened?
	The word got out.
	That I had a firecracker go off in my hand.
	I was one of the few to survive this horrible thing.
	I was like the hit.
	What was it like?
	It was the worst pain of my life.
	Tell me.
	Well, see my nails?
	Oh my god, yeah!
	Wow!
	Did you hear about this?
	Show us your hand.
	I didn't run away.
	It was great.
	I reveled in my catastrophe.
	I embellished it.
	I hurt myself.
	Remember when you have a cast?
	You ever break something?
	And they signed it?
	How is it?
	It was horrible.
	Look at me.
	I got my cast.
	Sign it.
	I'm tough.
	I got a broken bone.
	Yeah!
	I got crutches.
	It wasn't like, oh, I'm really good.
	Yeah, where they would, right.
	Oh, they're sleek.
	And then they would start to smell and your flesh would rot.
	You get these antifungal, you're pouring.
	Powder and all this nonsense.
	It was great.
	Huh?
	Oh, yeah.
	Broke a hand.
	Here's a great one, too.
	Listen to this.
	We went to...
	We had...
	These stories don't mean much to you.
	I had this one...
	My sister was saying, we went to the emergency room for something.
	I don't know what it was.
	My sister said, my leg is, my leg is like, oh, come on.
	Would you come, do you have to always steal the, you know, steal the attention?
	My leg, ow, ow, ow, ow.
	To the doctor said, look, let me look at your leg while you're here.
	It is an emergency room, you know.
	And In this little alcove, with this little x-ray thing, we heard, come here.
	It's good when the doctor tells you, come here.
	There was a knitting needle.
	My sister knelt down.
	It was Christmas time.
	My mother was taking this needle.
	And this needle went through it.
	And you could see the eye.
	It was a sewing needle.
	And you could see the eye right in the middle.
	And there we were going, will you knock it off?
	You're malingering something.
	And it was so perfect.
	We should have saved the x-ray.
	It was like, you don't even need to go to medical school.
	You can just see this thing.
	And you would go to the, you know, people with eyes that were, I had my, I got a scar here.
	I had a Molson beer bottle go through my hand here.
	Cartilage.
	Surgeries.
	You know.
	But I think in a strange way, Spark, Spargo, the one thing that I do not ever remember was anybody asking for sympathy.
	We didn't have any special names.
	We didn't have pronouns.
	I mean, you know, we...
	Self-directed embellishment, self-directed pity over this hyper, you know, this nothing.
	We never knew any kid who had a peanut allergy, never had any kid who was autistic, never had any kid on psychiatric medication, never had any kid I don't know if we ever heard of.
	Gay people?
	I think we saw them on TV.
	I always told you this.
	You know, Paul Linden, Charles Nelson Reilly.
	I think, by virtue of the fact that it was a time of Hefner and Playboy, I think sex was kind of experimental, but it wasn't kitschy.
	It wasn't, you know what I mean?
	There was a sexual revolution.
	They were trying to express it, understand it, whatever.
	Today, it's not even sex.
	It's camp.
	It's vaudeville.
	It's who can come up with one and say, oh, I've got something.
	I identify as a squirrel.
	Nah, it's been taken.
	Oh, damn it.
	Pronouns?
	That's good.
	Adverbs?
	Nah, pushing it too much.
	And the thing that we did not have then, I'm going to tell you this.
	We did not have cameras.
	We had a camera and it was a brownie and you took it out every For special occasions.
	Birthdays and things like that.
	But we never took pictures of ourselves.
	We did not have a lot of pictures of, you know, this and this changed everything.
	It wasn't the internet.
	It wasn't the internet that changed things.
	It was the camera.
	Yolanda Torres says, I raised five boys.
	We never left the house without the first aid kit handy.
	Wow.
	And you know what?
	I'll bet you the first aid kit was like back teen.
	Did they even make that?
	Or a band-aid?
	Or...
	And first aid was just like immediate...
	Basset trace.
	It was like stanch or staunch the bleeding.
	Just to stop the bleeding.
	And that was it.
	You're fine now.
	Now go outside.
	It was a different thing.
	I want...
	I really want kids.
	I wish.
	I'm telling you right now.
	I told you.
	I'm a child of fireworks.
	Fireworks.
	I don't know anybody.
	Me, my hand.
	I think it was the only one.
	We never lost an eye.
	Never broke our neck.
	Those were the most wonderful times ever.
	I've got to tell you a quick story.
	A great story.
	One of the ones I'll never ever.
	Oh, a bicycle meant freedom.
	To us, yes.
	And you know what else?
	Sparky, being able to drive a car.
	I had saved a bottle rocket.
	It was, you know, a good one.
	It had a little nose cone on it and had a report.
	It was a report, you know, the noise.
	But colors, I mean, it looked serious.
	It just really had a real oomph to it.
	So in my backyard, I went there with a Folgers coffee can.
	I didn't even, I didn't, I didn't like to put them in the ground because sometimes I put them too deep and they would, you know, and it would stay there.
	Oh, M80s, M1000s, those are good for, sorry to say, mailboxes.
	I know you're not supposed to do that.
	I know it's a federal offense, but I'm sorry.
	So I had my...
	My bottle rocket.
	Put it in.
	And as I lit it, as I lit the thing, it started to do this.
	It slid.
	And I thought, oh no!
	The trajectory, instead of going 90 degrees, it went 45 or whatever it was.
	Oh no!
	And the sparks are coming up.
	Oh my god, I can't put my hand in there.
	Oh my god, it's going to go over the...
	It went...
	Over the fence, across the street, Mrs. Jones.
	Mrs. Jones, her husband was a tugboat guy, and she had this weird kind of...
	I don't know where she was from, the islands or something?
	I don't know.
	And she always wore...
	I'll never forget.
	She had stockings, but never shaved her legs, so her hair was matted.
	Oh, yeah.
	So I said, Oh, my God!
	Everybody hits her door.
	There was a little bit of an overhang.
	God said, I'm going to give you something to tell your friends about.
	Mrs. Jones was right at the front door.
	Happened to be walking by, I guess.
	So she's there and all of a sudden she hears, she opens the door.
	Thank you, sir.
	And I'm watching through the chain link.
	Oh no!
	She's going to die.
	And you saw this bang!
	But red and green.
	It was...
	I thought, God!
	There she is.
	I'll go to the door.
	She had this accent.
	I don't know what the hell this accent she had.
	Jim was her husband.
	I'll go to the door, Jim.
	There's somebody at the door.
	Opens the door.
	Bang!
	The echo of the overhang.
	Red-green sparkles a report.
	This is something you should be able to see like half a mile up.
	It's right there.
	Bop, bop, bop.
	So I came back and I said to myself, I'm going to be arrested.
	I'm going to go to prison.
	I don't know how young I was.
	And I'm just going to call it quits.
	I think I'm going to call it night.
	I'm a little tired.
	I'm going to go to bed.
	It's 7.30.
	You know, tough day.
	What do you mean tough day?
	You're eight years old.
	Whatever my age was.
	And I kept thinking about, I'm going to go to prison.
	I probably killed her.
	I probably killed her.
	Maybe she had a bad heart.
	Maybe she opened the door.
	I'm thinking about all this stuff.
	And I swear to God, every...
	Every police car, every fire truck, I think was in my neighborhood.
	I said, they're coming to get me.
	I was a kid there at the time.
	Do you remember?
	Did you ever have mosquito trucks that went through your house?
	You saw that light through your window.
	Mosquito trucks.
	And you would run behind it with a DDT and the mosquito trucks and that would just belch out this DDT or whatever the hell it was.
	I do.
	Ladies and gentlemen, Mary Ellen Johnson says you are hysterical.
	Thank you.
	That means more to me.
	Let's see Ben Shapiro tell you that story.
	I got some others too I can't tell you.
	Put it this way.
	These are all legit.
	I'm not going to make something up.
	I don't have to.
	These are too good.
	But I remember at the time...
	I didn't realize how fun we had.
	I remember one time somebody was eating, drinking out of a hose, and it was a dead rat.
	And he goes like this, and all of a sudden, this thing flies out.
	So instead of us saying, ooh, we just let it kind of wash out and proceeded to drink from the hose.
	I was born in 1958.
	Johnny Mads, so was I, buddy.
	That's it.
	Thank you, sir, for bringing back memories of a different and better time.
	That was it.
	Class of 58. That was it.
	I remember with a Crossman pellet gun shooting the TV guide on my bed.
	Remember that?
	Had that little milk carton full of Crossman pellets.
	Not BBs, pellets.
	My father, what are you doing?
	I'm shooting the TV guide with a Crossman.
	Okay.
	I'm going to leave you with this one.
	I had one of the best Christmases one time with a spirograph.
	I thought that was the greatest thing in the world.
	I'm making this.
	Look at this.
	You put this little pen and you put the little template with the gears.
	I loved it.
	But the best one I got.
	Look at this.
	DB says, I am crying laughing.
	Thank you.
	Here's one for you.
	This is my book.
	My father was so terrific.
	He just never, he never, he never, he never got upset.
	Well, he got upset, but he just, he lets you do what you want to do.
	You know, you'd be a kid, whatever.
	I told you a favorite game was called Jumping Off the Roof.
	Nobody hurt themselves.
	I got wood, wood burning.
	Pyrography is called.
	It was a wand.
	You plug it in.
	It gets you about 8,000 degrees.
	It was red, glowing.
	And you put a little device at the end and you could take this balsa, which you'd hold in your hand.
	And it goes, this branding iron would go through this piece of wood that you're holding.
	And my father's reading the paper and he says, what the hell is that smell?
	I'm burning wood.
	I said, I'm burning, I'm wood burning.
	He goes, what the hell is that?
	Why are you burning?
	I said, you gave this to me.
	It's a gift.
	We gave you that?
	And my mother, honey, it's called wood burning.
	Why is he burning wood?
	I don't know.
	Okay.
	And I thought, this is the most dangerous?
	There was no warning?
	Oh, look at this.
	I'm suddenly in the 70s and sentimental.
	I know, cut up.
	I'm telling you, it's great.
	But there it was.
	Just...
	My sister had a Suzy homemaker.
	She's still waiting for that cake.
	I said, what is this?
	It was like a light bulb.
	I said, you're never going to cook?
	No, it's a Suzy...
	I said, that's TV.
	It was a stupid little thing.
	You put it in.
	It was a light bulb.
	And I said, and you're supposed...
	This is supposed to get what?
	100 degrees?
	200?
	The bulb?
	So I questioned her.
	And here I am, poking an 8,000 degree radioactive wand.
	Into balsa.
	That was my fun.
	This is great.
	Thanks, Dad.
	Thanks, Mom.
	Here, let me put this down.
	Let me get my pen and make spirals.
	Why?
	Because I'm a kid in the 70s and this is fun.
	Easy bake oven.
	Yep, there you go.
	Easy bake.
	They promised you, they promised you, remember this?
	He knocked his block off!
	Rock 'em, sock 'em, robots.
	You hit it, and you push it down, and you'd be punching each other, and then the head would pop up.
	He sucked my battleship!
	How about this?
	These cards are mine.
	Jack Elam, remember them?
	These cards are mine.
	They're a mess.
	A chocolate mess.
	It was...
	M&M's melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
	Loved it.
	Okay, that's enough.
	Wasn't this fun?
	Wait a minute.
	Cut Up says, I loved home economics.
	My first orange biscuits.
	Is that what you called them?
	You know, we had these things called orange biscuits, but I don't think that's what you're talking about.
	Sparky says, real chemistry sets.
	Yes.
	Chemistry sets that had toxic Poisons.
	Industrial grade poison.
	That was living.
	That was living.
	Let me go back to the whole notion of the great days of what am I trying to say?
	The great days of explosives.
	Being in the South, being in Florida, We had this deal where...
	Oh, look at this.
	Johnny Madison is playing the game Twister today.
	Losses will be flying due to the game causing you to get injured.
	Forget Twister.
	How about becoming aroused or...
	Jarts.
	Lawn darts.
	A three-pound dart projectile with fins you throw up in the air and it comes down?
	What the hell was I going to say?
	Oh, it was really good, too.
	See, you threw me off, but that's good, though.
	That's a very good...
	Probably wasn't that important.
	God damn it.
	I don't remember.
	Anyway, it happened.
	I've only been talking for an hour and 58 minutes.
	Okay?
	Okay?
	And didn't have to go to the bathroom.
	You know, when you get older, that's a very important thing.
	It's a very important thing.
	If you can, you know, if you can somehow just, you become more and more aware of cyclical whatever.
	So if you can sit for a good two hours, that's good.
	I said the old joke, I heard this joke a million times, right?
	It's the oldest joke in the world.
	What could go wrong?
	A jart.
	A lawn dart.
	Two old men are talking and one guy says, every morning I have a bowel movement without fail at 5.30am every day without fail Monday through Sunday every day 5.30am Without fail.
	And it's prodigious too.
	You know, you're a lucky man.
	He says, well, I don't wake up until nine.
	Anyway, so that's the joke.
	I found all that stuff kind of sort of interesting because I have a very base sense of humor.
	And it's a very simple thing.
	If you laugh at it, you get a pass.
	I wish somehow we could go back And relive these wonderful days.
	What a movie...
	Delilah Vela says, What a movie about the childhood in the 60s and 70s bore people today.
	I feel like I am in another world now.
	I think everybody kind of sort of feels like that.
	Sort of, you know what I mean?
	You know what I mean?
	There's a...
	I think people sort of think that.
	Let me...
	Let me see something.
	Do you remember?
	This is the most important thing.
	Let me show you what this is and see if you can recognize this.
	What is this, dear friends?
	Let me see.
	Just a minute.
	Let's see.
	The first one to get this answer right would be caller number five.
	I want a sports shirt.
	Okay, here we go.
	Okay, just a minute.
	Okay, ready?
	What is this?
	Who's the first one?
	Come on.
	Who's the first one, ladies and gentlemen?
	Who's the first one?
	Oh, look at this.
	My battery is failing.
	That's the last word.
	Music therapy.
	What is this?
	Come on, first one.
	Spirograph.
	Sadie got it right.
	That's a spirograph.
	That's it, my friends.
	Take a look at it right now.
	This was the thing which just was the greatest story ever.
	I loved that more than anything.
	Okay, here's one for you.
	Let me see.
	Just one second.
	In case you...
	Let me see if you can keep an eye on this one.
	Pay attention to this.
	This is a little memory lane here.
	First one to get this one right.
	Ready?
	Pay attention.
	Get ready.
	There's Sparky.
	Sparky's got it.
	Spirograph, Sparky, you were correct, sir.
	Okay, kids, ready?
	What is...
	Hang on a minute.
	Just a minute.
	Oh, for the love of God.
	Come on.
	Hang on.
	You're going to love this one.
	This is the one that says it all.
	This is the one that says it all.
	Here we go.
	Let me see.
	Okay, just a minute.
	There we go.
	I'm sorry.
	I did not know we were going to do this.
	I don't have a producer.
	I'm the only one here.
	Let's see if you remember this one.
	A little memory lane, folks.
	Let's see.
	Okay, here we go.
	Ready?
	Everybody?
	Here we go.
	There it is.
	What's that?
	Imagine the fun kids.
	We're going to have these little rings outside.
	And we're going to play this.
	And we're going to...
	This weighs about, oh, I don't know, pound, pound and a half.
	These are called either jarts or lost hearts.
	And you could buy them.
	They weighed...
	You could impale someone.
	You could...
	You would die.
	There's no...
	You don't make it out of this one.
	I mean, nobody wore protective headgear.
	Look at the lid.
	Look at Sparky.
	Lawn darts.
	Explain that.
	Explain that to somebody.
	This is the most important thing.
	This is the most important thing.
	Okay.
	This is the thing which I...
	Now, let me explain something to you.
	This is...
	Before we really get into this stuff here, this...
	No, hang on a minute.
	These aren't really...
	These don't show me the...
	Okay, I got one for you.
	Stop for a second.
	I'm trying to think of those great moments.
	Okay, here we go.
	Now, we didn't have this...
	Just a second.
	We didn't really have this...
	Here we go.
	Here we go.
	Okay.
	This is something which is very interesting.
	Okay, this...
	Okay, just a second.
	Imagine showing this...
	To somebody who has a child who, I want to know, maybe he's on medication.
	A child with anger issues.
	And you say, hey Todd, even though your name's not Todd, I got something for you.
	What about this one?
	Remember these?
	This, this is the fancier one.
	This is the, this as you notice, you might notice this.
	Let me see.
	There we go.
	I'll point.
	Got it right.
	That's right.
	I'll point.
	This is called a wrist rocket.
	You are correct.
	With surgical tubing, surgical tubing, and little BBs that could take out eyes, small animals.
	This is the one.
	Okay, let me show you this one.
	I'm going to show you another one.
	And you are going to watch this.
	Now, kids.
	Work on this one.
	This is the one.
	This shows you how demented we are.
	You ready for this?
	There's Sparky.
	You got that right, my friend.
	This we're going to take away.
	Do you remember?
	No, this is part of our generation.
	This is something that means only something to us.
	You ready?
	What is this?
	We talked about this before.
	This wowed us forever.
	This just killed us.
	That's right.
	I'll point.
	This is called, ladies and gentlemen, Silly Putty.
	We thought this was so great.
	Look, Dad!
	What is it, Mark?
	It's the silly putty.
	It takes the printer, the print, off the comics.
	You shit me.
	No, I swear to God.
	Where'd you get that?
	Well, make sure you do it, but it's okay.
	But don't, you know, keep it out too long.
	Isn't this incredible?
	Imagine you're saying to your grandchild or somebody, somebody who has a device, you're saying, This is what I had.
	This is it.
	I played with this.
	I loved this.
	This kills me.
	Okay, I'm going to really get, okay?
	This really, let me see if I can show you this one.
	This shows you the level of complete and total Okay, let me show you this one.
	Okay, let me just show you this.
	And then you tell me what it is.
	There's going to be no...
	This is going to be easy for you.
	But your grandkids couldn't do it.
	They couldn't figure this out.
	You ready?
	Isn't this fun?
	Aren't you having fun?
	I'm having fun.
	What are you doing on a Saturday night?
	I don't know.
	There's this show, this man named Lenny.
	And he shows us pictures.
	And I like it.
	Okay, ready?
	What's this?
	Come on.
	What's this?
	First one.
	Let's see if Ayo gets it.
	What's this?
	Come on.
	Oh, Ayo, look at this.
	This man is the first one every single one.
	Lincoln Logs.
	They were fantastic!
	I don't know why.
	Loved them!
	Okay, just a minute.
	Okay, this may be a little bit tougher for you, but we're going to...
	Okay, let me see if we can do this.
	Okay, this shows you completely how demented you were and how easily amused.
	You were during those days.
	Alright?
	Let's get a little bit more arcane.
	But this...
	And less people not understand.
	Hang on a minute.
	This wasn't something that mildly amused us for five minutes.
	Oh, no, no.
	We enjoyed it.
	Hang on a minute.
	I want to get something without the...
	I want to get something without...
	Okay, these are too small.
	Okay.
	I think you can figure this one out.
	Let me see.
	I'm sorry this is taking so long.
	Again, I am by myself and there's no one who assists me.
	So this is it.
	Okay, here we go.
	Ready?
	All right, I'll paint.
	Let's see if you can do some magic with this one.
	What's that?
	Come on.
	Come on.
	Let's see.
	Come on.
	I'll do it again.
	Barrel of monkeys.
	You are a savant.
	And you don't look that old.
	I'm looking at this thumbnail of you, if that's you.
	This would make a great...
	You know, Mary Ellen's got a point.
	She goes, this would make a great show.
	I don't know who'd watch it.
	But, imagine if you were in your...
	But kids, and we're sitting around, and we say, I don't know what that is.
	And look at the kid that says, alright.
	Okay, let me show you something.
	I'm not going to do this all night long, but...
	No, no.
	Trying to remember this.
	Okay.
	This is it, my friends.
	This is the one that separates the men from the boys.
	This is it.
	Here we go.
	Okay, bring in your grandkids and say, I'll give you 50 bucks, kid, if you tell me what this is.
	What's that?
	And what's Isle Point?
	You know, this is so easy.
	But kids will look at you like, what are you talking about?
	There we go.
	Isle Point is a...
	Isle Point, rather, I guess, is demented.
	Okay?
	Okay?
	music
	If I showed you...
	Oh, here we go.
	What is...
	This is another one, too.
	Bring in your grandkids.
	Here we go.
	Grandpa's got another one for you.
	What is it?
	Asking me these stupid stories.
	All right.
	What is...
	This.
	This.
	The aisle will be right there.
	There we go.
	Bren's got a...
	No, not somebody.
	No?
	Hang on.
	It takes a second.
	Look at this.
	You're a little bit wrong.
	I hate to burst your bubble.
	Aisle says door key and ignition key.
	Well, it's not...
	I guess that's true.
	One was trunk key.
	We called it...
	Yes, we know those are...
	Ignition, yes, and trunk key.
	I believe the...
	That's true.
	You know what?
	You got me going on that one.
	I gotta be honest.
	The trunk key, the bottom, is definitely the trunk.
	But I think you can...
	Can you open the door with a trunk key?
	I know those are blanks.
	By the way, this is the best one.
	Jonathan says...
	Key blanks, yes.
	But I meant by virtue of that oval.
	Okay, we're doing great.
	I'm not done yet.
	Here's one for you.
	Ladies and gentlemen, let's see how good you are with this.
	We had one, we had this at our school.
	And we had a friend of ours who was most good at this.
	And it may not look like much to you, but I was surprised at how talented one of my classmates was regarding this particular endeavor.
	Okay, you ready?
	What is this?
	come on Look at this.
	Isle is tremendous.
	Tetherball.
	Tetherball was something that...
	Do you remember this?
	What was the perfect totem tennis?
	I like that.
	I don't know what that is.
	All grammar schools had this.
	And you would hit it, and it was spinning around, but as two people were approaching, and you decided that you were going to try to hit it, and you would come up, Both of you, at the same time, we had more people hit, broken teeth, scars, but it was fun.
	Nobody cried.
	Nobody, nobody to see it go around, and then you had to climb up the top and hit it to unwind it.
	Kickball 2. Kathy, I loved kickball.
	I thought kickball was the greatest.
	It was perfect.
	It was wonderful.
	Well, let me say something to you.
	I hope you had even the slightest, 10% of the fun that I had tonight.
	I wanted to thank you for that.
	I'm going to make sure I got everybody's comments here.
	Laura, by the way, says, still resent the fraudulent sea monkey ads.
	Yes, those were Brian Shrimp.
	Yes.
	Yes, you are right.
	Fraudulent.
	She wanted...
	Yes, these were...
	They were actually brine shrimp.
	But this was...
	If you recall...
	I remember at the time I wasn't really sure what exactly I was to do with them.
	But, um, you might remember this.
	This is part of Laura's horror.
	She remembers, no, that's not it.
	Excuse me.
	Pardon me.
	It's, uh, there we go.
	There we go.
	As for Laura, sea monkeys, the world's only instant pets.
	They were Brian Shrimp, I believe.
	I believe they were.
	And I could never understand what is the purpose.
	Um...
	Thank you.
	There was a...
	Let me see.
	There was a...
	Oh, here we go.
	This is the one that I saw as a kid and it would inspire me.
	You know, you're 11, 12, kind of pubescent.
	You know, you're trying to figure things out.
	Things are kind of strange to you.
	You're not really sure what's up and what's not.
	And then you're reading in the back, and all of a sudden you come across this.
	Oops.
	Hang on a minute.
	I've got to get rid of this.
	They're telling me I'm using...
	I'm using too much space.
	Okay, stand by for a second.
	I've got to get rid of these.
	You're going to kick out of this.
	Men, you'll remember this.
	Here we go.
	This one here.
	This is the one that made you say, wait a minute.
	There we go.
	Remember this?
	I thought to myself, could this really be true?
	Look at this.
	Joe says, remembering the toys explains why I'm like this.
	Absolutely.
	Sparky got in my barrel of monkeys, high beams.
	You nailed it.
	Johnny Mass says, your show's about movies, a music in the 70s ad to make my retirement enjoyable.
	I thank you, sir.
	Thank you for that.
	This one really had me going.
	I was fascinated by this.
	I'm thinking, could it be?
	And you knew it worked.
	Because you could see his eyes.
	You see him, he was just...
	He needs...
	First of all, the woman, I think she's already in the lingerie.
	Maybe it's me.
	I'm not sure.
	I'm not sure.
	Can't really tell.
	But that was it.
	But there's this...
	Did anyone ever buy this?
	It's like Spanish fly.
	No.
	There was something called Cascara Sagrada, which is...
	I think that's more of like...
	That was called a urethral irritant.
	If I recall, I think we've done enough.
	Two hours and 19 minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
	Did you not have fun tonight?
	Wasn't it wonderful just getting away from this?
	Laura and Sparky and Jovi, Johnny Mazda Spaz, cut up chatter.
	Delilah Vila.
	I'm going to do this again.
	I swear to God.
	I'm just going to have all my pictures.
	I didn't plan on this.
	I wanted to be very, very serious.
	Yolanda Torres.
	Thank you.
	Sparky, you were extremely proficient tonight and prolific, and I thank you for that.
	Brad Rung.
	Clintus D. Gramekow.
	Back from his medical C3D now.
	Brad Rung, thank you.
	Let me see who else is.
	James Britton, Deedee, thank you.
	And Carolina Guy, thank you as well.
	There's something about this.
	This is so much fun.
	You will remember this more than anything else.
	You will remember mornings like this.
	Not mornings, what am I saying?
	Shows like this morning.
	Sparky says, I always wondered how the x-ray specs worked.
	Then I realized that they actually said x-ray on them, making the girl you were looking at uncomfortable as a joke.
	Yes.
	Oh, you missed my comment.
	Hang on a minute.
	Just a second.
	Just a second.
	We're going to get this.
	I'm going to get these, by God, by gum.
	Hang on one second here.
	Just a minute.
	He said, oh, think of...
	Think of Etch-A-Sketch and you missed my comment.
	Another one!
	My God!
	I should be...
	I'm so sorry.
	Monopoly game on the floor.
	Who's losing?
	On the floor.
	The wonderful...
	It was so much fun.
	Where you were like face-to-face on the floor.
	You were so right about that.
	Playing...
	Old Maid and Chutes and Ladders, Hi-Ho Cherio, these board games where you just, it was wonderful.
	Maybe I'm just romanticizing.
	Maybe they really weren't that great.
	I think they were.
	So ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
	Thank you for this.
	Thank you for enjoying this adult humor.
	Taking time out of the way, we shared something.
	We really did.
	We were part of some incredibly important event and it was so wonderful.
	And I never thought it would go anywhere tonight.
	I thought, okay, we'll talk about something.
	But we're going to do this, I promise you, more and more and more.
	It means so much that you enjoyed it.
	I think you did because I thoroughly, thoroughly loved it.
	Sparky says, many of us don't use x-ray specs to...
	Many of us don't need x-ray specs to make girls feel uncomfortable.
	And by the way, not that I want to suggest this, but you should have one of these.
	If ever you do, if ever you're on anybody else's show or your live comments, just put a comment, you missed my comments.
	Because it makes you want to slam on the brakes and say, oh shit, I gotta, just a minute.
	I'm sorry, we're talking to...
	Vice President J.D. Vance.
	Hang on, J.D. I missed the comments.
	Very funny.
	Not that you would do this, but just to sneak about this.
	All right, dear friends.
	Please do me a favor.
	Follow Mrs. L at Lin's Warriors.
	Have we got our other station, our other one?
	Linel Legal.
	I'm a little tired.
	Two and a half hours.
	Two and a half hours.
	Take that Ben Shapiro.
	I can't even think now.
	My head's going crazy.
	Anyway.
	Yes!
	Blackhead remover.
	And you know it works.
	You're killing me with this.
	You're killing me.
	Anyway.
	Thank you.
	We will talk tomorrow.
	I will never forget this night.
	It was one of the...
	This was, I think...
	I think I'll tell you.
	In the years, this is my favorite night.
	I really do.
	Because it was just...
	Plain old fun.
	And there's nothing wrong with having fun.
	Because life is too short, my friend, to be always walking around with a Sturm und Drang and all that stuff.
	In any event, have a great night.
	Thanks for watching.
	See you tomorrow.
	And don't forget, until then, as we always say, as we always end, the monkey's dead.
	Show's over.
	Sue ya.

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