| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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Protect What Matters Most
00:02:20
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| So Dear friend, dear friend, I hope you are a part of this now with me now. | |
| Hope you are enjoying us. | |
| I had a business little venture today, which kind of came up at the last minute. | |
| So I had to drive through, took the Ugo out, it's a stretch, and had to drive through Times Square, right around the Port Authority, in that area. | |
|
Third World Madness On 8th Avenue
00:02:23
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| And if you have any tendencies or inclinations to be stressful, fretful, if you tend to panic a lot, if that's your thing, you don't know what driving is unless you've been right around Times Square, 42nd, 8th Avenue, just, I mean, it... | |
| It is like a third world absolute, I don't know what the word is, this third world insanity. | |
| A third world insanity that I cannot believe. | |
| Scooters, people, pedicabs, bikes, weed, illegals. | |
| Women walking around with things hanging out. | |
| Disgusting. | |
| Disgusting. | |
| Vile. | |
| Vile. | |
| Just horrid. | |
| Horrid. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| You have not seen this before. | |
| It's like a moonscape. | |
| It's from another planet. | |
| It's like nothing you've ever seen before in your life. | |
| I promise you. | |
| It is just dear God. | |
| So anyway, that's where I was. | |
| That's where I normally was. | |
| 7 o 'clock, 8 o 'clock, whatever. | |
| Now let's talk about a couple of things. | |
| First, I've got to tell you this story. | |
| You're going to love this story. | |
| Maybe you won't, maybe it's me. | |
| As you know, we have a bunch of people in this country who are babies when it comes to their Politics. | |
| They're kind of babies. | |
| They don't really believe in causes. | |
| They believe in people. | |
| And as I've told you before, repeatedly, one of the most boneheaded moves, and I don't want to spend a lot of time on this, but I think it's worth noting, one of the most boneheaded moves is from your boyfriend, Tucker, who decides to have on this Andrew Tate, because Edward Kemper apparently was busy. | |
|
Charged With Human Trafficking
00:15:02
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| Stupid, idiotic, mind-bogglingly dumb. | |
| When we live in this world where everybody is focused on human trafficking and this and that, you get this guy who's basically being charged with. | |
| Presumed innocent, even if you're in Romania. | |
| This is the mentality. | |
| An hour and a half with this guy. | |
| Anyway, so I said specifically, this is a very stupid move. | |
| It's a very stupid move. | |
| And instead of people saying, well, why do you think it's a stupid move? | |
| Or I think it's a good move. | |
| Or I think it's a great move. | |
| I think it deals with a valid subject. | |
| You know, the exculpation of people charged with human trafficking. | |
| Whatever the particular reason was. | |
| No. | |
| You know what people said? | |
| Why are you so mean to Tucker? | |
| This is where we are, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. | |
| Children. | |
| Babies. | |
| I got your feelings hurt. | |
| I like my Tucker! | |
| Unbelievable! | |
| Well, what about the argument? | |
| I don't know what the argument is. | |
| Be nice to him. | |
| I like him. | |
| Oh, jeez. | |
| I mean, whoa! | |
| Next point. | |
| Ray Epps is charged. | |
| Did you see that? | |
| Did you see that? | |
| Ray Epps is charged. | |
| Holy mother of God. | |
| What do you think about that? | |
| Why was Ray Epps charged? | |
| And his lawyer said he was informed of this a while back. | |
| Ray Epps says he'd be charged for January 6th conspiracy dampening Fox News conspiracy theory. | |
| And I told you, this is good news for him. | |
| Good news, the Ray Epps conspiracy theory that he was an undercover FBI agent was fueled in part by the fact that He was never charged. | |
| Well, so much for that, he's going to be charged. | |
| And it's incredible. | |
| Unbelievable. | |
| And this is just... | |
| So, I'm curious, dear friends, friends of the clerisy, what do you think about that? | |
| What's your take? | |
| Come on, everybody. | |
| What do you think about this? | |
| What do you think about that old... | |
| Ray Epps being charged. | |
| You think they did this for... | |
| Why did they do this? | |
| Was this even necessary? | |
| Was this required? | |
| Why are you charging Ray Epps with this? | |
| For the love of God. | |
| I mean, did you have to do it? | |
| It does kind of kill the case, doesn't it? | |
| I mean, I don't know how to say this, but, you know, there goes that theory. | |
| What do you think about this? | |
| The Epps lawsuit is not over, Puff. | |
| The Epps lawsuit is going full force. | |
| In fact, it's going forward even faster. | |
| Because they were claiming, well, I think that he was a federal agent because he was never charged. | |
| So Tucker, your boyfriend, Tucker's always right because we love Tucker. | |
| And because he wasn't charged, that obviously looks like he is an agent. | |
| Well, guess what? | |
| He was discharged. | |
| Biden will pardon him. | |
| Michelle, this is a guy who voted for Trump twice. | |
| He's a MAGA Trump guy through and through. | |
| Who basically was saying, do you believe him? | |
| Do you believe? | |
| Do you think he had any idea what was going on? | |
| Do you believe he had any idea what was going on? | |
| Come on! | |
| Do you really... | |
| Oh! | |
| Another distraction! | |
| Thank you, Lizzie. | |
| Everything's a distraction. | |
| Everything. | |
| Well, it's a distraction. | |
| We need another distraction. | |
| Charge Epps. | |
| Okay. | |
| We need another one. | |
| How about conclude the White House cocaine investigation? | |
| Now is that the most stupid thing in the world? | |
| Optics, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| Optics. | |
| They wouldn't want to break his cover. | |
| Break his cover? | |
| They didn't break his cover. | |
| January 6th. | |
| This is July 13th. | |
| Break his cover? | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| Everybody else was charged. | |
| People are probably still in the gulag for all we know. | |
| What the hell is going on here? | |
| Do you have any idea what's going on? | |
| Squirrel. | |
| You wonderful people love the idea of distraction. | |
| You love it. | |
| It's your favorite. | |
| It's a distraction. | |
| Merely changing the subject. | |
| It's a distraction. | |
| That's right. | |
| They're so good at the distraction. | |
| Always changing. | |
| Uh, uh, um, What am I trying to say? | |
| Controlled opposition. | |
| That's right. | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, Jonathan W. says, Mr. L., why can't people see your point about Tate? | |
| What is the fascination with this gedrool? | |
| Jonathan, I swear to God, you were so right, my friend, by the way. | |
| Jonathan, if you said, hey, listen, I'm going to be doing an hour and a half interview. | |
| Let's say you were Tucker. | |
| Now I say not Tucker or Jonathan. | |
| You know, I think we need to work on this thing. | |
| You've been gone for a long time now and you've only done nine? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Nine? | |
| There are people doing there are people doing unboxing curling iron shows. | |
| They're doing 10, 12 a day. | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Well, I don't want to take too much time. | |
| Tucker, you've got to do more of these. | |
| Well, I don't want to do that much. | |
| You know, I'm still working the thing out with that big high-priced lawyer in L.A. You know, I'm trying to get this here. | |
| Tucker, do you still work for Fox? | |
| Well, I don't really know. | |
| What do you mean you don't know if you don't know? | |
| Do you work for Fox or not? | |
| Well, I don't know. | |
| Are they telling you you can't work? | |
| Is that it? | |
| Because if they're telling you you are doing these videos, what the hell is going on here? | |
| What are you doing? | |
| What are you trying to accomplish? | |
| Does anybody know what the hell is going on here? | |
| Does anybody have any clue as to what the hell is going on here? | |
| Does anybody know anything? | |
| I'm just saying. | |
| Does anybody have any idea of what's going on here? | |
| So I would sit there and say, now listen. | |
| Here's what we're going to do. | |
| Listen to me very carefully. | |
| Now look. | |
| Tucker, and everybody else in that matter, we're going to make sure that we spend every hour of the day. | |
| We want to make sure that every one of your stories, every one of your moments is important. | |
| And by the way, don't just rehash. | |
| We want them to be special. | |
| We don't want you to say the usual stuff about the media are biased. | |
| We know that. | |
| We want you to go out there and do something. | |
| I still like this idea to have a studio with young people with their heads blackened or darkened by the silhouette of no light. | |
| That's what I want. | |
| And I want all this. | |
| And I want all these people to be lined up in this theater. | |
| Each of them representing a child ravaged by human trafficking. | |
| Each of them in view of sound or freedom. | |
| And I would pledge, I'd make a monetary pledge where you're going to create a foundation, the Tucker Carlson Family Foundation for something or other, to help these kids. | |
| Because these kids who try to get back into the real world, this is true as a matter of fact, I think I told you this, Mrs. L has friends of hers, she works with emergency room nurses. | |
| In particular, who have to deal with these girls, you wouldn't believe the trauma. | |
| You wouldn't believe there are people today who were themselves the victims of this when they were kids. | |
| And when you are basically tossed around from person to person, you're not treated very nicely. | |
| I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but they are permanently and sometimes irreparably damaged. | |
| They are forever incontinent. | |
| They are unable to conceive. | |
| It's horrible. | |
| Wouldn't that be great if Tucker did something to say, wow. | |
| And my line would be, so are these, I look in the camera and say, are these conspiracy theorists? | |
| Do you think they're injuries? | |
| Is this a conspiracy? | |
| Have you ever seen lacerations? | |
| Have you ever seen the physical? | |
| I'm going to show you a picture. | |
| Show people. | |
| Show one. | |
| Show some sutury. | |
| Don't really say where it is and say, I'm not going to tell you where this is, but let me just show this to you. | |
| Imagine you're eight years old. | |
| This is what you've got to go through. | |
| Is this a conspiracy? | |
| Maybe this is what they, some kind of right of, some type of marking that they get when they join the club. | |
| That would be great, Tucker, if you did that. | |
| So instead, who are you talking to? | |
| Whom are you talking to? | |
| Andrew Tate instead. | |
| Okay. | |
| So, that's over there. | |
| Epps. | |
| Now let's talk about the cocaine thing. | |
| Let's talk about the cocaine at the White House. | |
| Now first of all, how many think it's Joe Biden's cocaine? | |
| If ever anybody needed cocaine, it's Joe Biden. | |
| It would help him. | |
| He's doing the Adderall thing at the B12 from what I hear. | |
| Do a couple of lines of blow, some Peruvian flake, and... | |
| Let him start grinding his teeth and going like this and making all this noise and just doing this a lot and snorting and coughing and doing all that and swallowing. | |
| Yeah, it might help. | |
| Because he needs something. | |
| But I don't think it's Joe Biden's cocaine. | |
| I don't think it's anybody's cocaine. | |
| Why? | |
| Why is it Hunter's cocaine? | |
| Hunter lives at the White House. | |
| Don't kid you. | |
| He lives there. | |
| He's got his own room. | |
| He's got his own room. | |
| He's got a place where you can go and you can... | |
| You know... | |
| What am I trying to tell you? | |
| You can... | |
| He's got bookshelves. | |
| He's got his own room. | |
| He doesn't have to throw them. | |
| You think he's... | |
| Oh, God, he's holding. | |
| Anybody holding? | |
| Anybody holding? | |
| Anybody? | |
| I got a little something for you. | |
| Anybody a little pick-me-up? | |
| Anybody? | |
| Oh, God. | |
| The heat's here. | |
| I've got to get rid of this. | |
| Here, throw it in cubicle 20 where they normally put the phones. | |
| One question, yeah. | |
| I'm Hunter Biden. | |
| What the hell am I doing here anyway? | |
| This is where the pedestrians are. | |
| What am I doing here? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Just hide it. | |
| There's probably one of two things. | |
| One, somebody who works there, which is somebody of the security staff, somebody who is a... | |
| They got more people walking around the White House than you can imagine. | |
| And they all look 12 years old. | |
| You have that, or somebody who may have planted it for a distraction, Lizzie. | |
| Maybe a distraction. | |
| I don't know. | |
| And nobody at the DOJ, FBI, well, we did a series of testing, DNA and molecular spectrometry, and we don't. | |
| There's no physical evidence, no nothing. | |
| We don't know what the hell this is. | |
| Really, this is the most surveilled house on the planet. | |
| The White House. | |
| And if anything is going to be loaded with cameras, it's where those people go. | |
| Where the hoi polloi, where... | |
| You know, visitors, that's where you want all the cameras. | |
| Cameras, cameras everywhere, zeroing in, facial recognition. | |
| They've got some of the best NSA technology. | |
| Don't give me this mierda about how they, no, we have no idea! | |
| And that's terrific. | |
| What if this was anthrax? | |
| What if this was something I'm, let me ask you a question. | |
| I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine, imagine what it would be like if instead of the Biden administration, it was the Trump administration. | |
| Dear God, can you imagine what that would be? | |
| Can you imagine? | |
| They would have everybody in They'd be issuing search warrants. | |
| Roger Stone 4AM Ninja search warrants. | |
| With CNN, miraculously there, for some particular reason, just by happenstance. | |
| They would have grand juries impaneled 24 hours a day, bringing in everybody to make them break. | |
| Put them on that stand. | |
| Put them and grill them. | |
| Grill them. | |
| Make them wonder what the hell's going on here. | |
| Make them wonder. | |
| All right, you work for... | |
| Whose is it? | |
| We know it's you. | |
| We know it's you. | |
| But this was like, well, we tried our best. | |
| And also, ladies and gentlemen, today, BLM turns 10 years old. | |
| How about that, huh? | |
| BLM turns 10 years old. | |
| I don't even know what to say about those folks. | |
| And one more thing. | |
| Do you remember a while back I told you? | |
| That would be Gavin Newsom, of course. | |
|
Republicans Stole It Legally
00:04:27
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| But that Gretchen Whitmer, remember that? | |
| Remember I said they're talking about Gretchen Whitmer as his running mate? | |
| I saw it today. | |
| Her name's coming up. | |
| Sure ain't shooting. | |
| You betcha. | |
| Yeah, buddy. | |
| Because he is going to be the next president of the United States. | |
| Because they're going to steal that thing legally. | |
| Remember, the Republicans stole it. | |
| Legally. | |
| They did everything. | |
| Ballot harvesting, ballot this, ballot this. | |
| They knew what they were doing. | |
| Oh dear God, are they good. | |
| It's not even funny. | |
| One more thing, by the way, speaking of the surveillance. | |
| Remember when people said, hey! | |
| Whatever happened to those pictures from the Pentagon of that plane flying into the Pentagon on September the 11th? | |
| You've got to have a picture of that. | |
| Oh my God! | |
| You've got to get a picture of that. | |
| A plane flying into the... | |
| Holy God! | |
| You know how many cameras are at the Pentagon? | |
| I heard a story one time of a guy who was... | |
| Lost? | |
| Or if he's in the wrong? | |
| And all of a sudden, these people showed up. | |
| Can I help you? | |
| He's like, wow, where the hell did you come from? | |
| This is the Pentagon. | |
| Hello? | |
| It's the Pentagon. | |
| You dig? | |
| Yeah, I guess I dig. | |
| Yeah, it's the Pentagon. | |
| I remember they said, well, where's the photos? | |
| And by the way, if you've ever been in Washington and you're in Virginia, wherever it is you're driving on, you say, oh, there's the Pentagon. | |
| Wow, you know. | |
| I'm surprised somebody, you know, a lot of people have cameras and Nobody had a camera that day. | |
| But they finally said, hey, here's the picture. | |
| Oh, you got the picture? | |
| Yep. | |
| Of the plane? | |
| Yep. | |
| It was like two frames. | |
| It was like the Loch Ness Monster. | |
| That's it? | |
| That's all we got. | |
| Wait a minute. | |
| Those are the two cameras? | |
| That's it? | |
| That's all we got. | |
| And nobody said, come on! | |
| Where's the rest of the pictures? | |
| Well, that's the way it is with the White House. | |
| Oh, well! | |
| Don't have it. | |
| What are you going to do about it? | |
| So, my friends, don't worry about this. | |
| We knew they weren't going to get to the... | |
| We knew it. | |
| Come on! | |
| We knew it. | |
| We knew they weren't going to do it. | |
| We knew they weren't going to find out or let us know anything. | |
| Because these people are so corrupt. | |
| To even call them corrupt doesn't even come close to what they are. | |
| It's just one of those things, dear friends. | |
| One of those things. | |
| It just makes you wonder, like, wow. | |
| And you hear that thing about that woman, Caitlin... | |
| What the hell is her name? | |
| CNN? | |
| It was a real, real dog of a show. | |
| Did you see that one? | |
| Caitlin... | |
| Collins or whatever her name is. | |
| Remember the one who she was a part of? | |
| The Trump... | |
| The Trump... | |
| Town Hall. | |
| I mean, I thought she was good. | |
| She never led Trump. | |
| Her show's a dog. | |
| And by the way, somebody sent me a picture of that Elizabeth Vargas trying to lay into... | |
| By the way, do me a favor. | |
| Don't argue with Bobby Kennedy about vaccines. | |
| Don't. | |
| Don't even. | |
| She even said, that's not what the vaccine company said. | |
| Excuse me, Vargas, you know about this? | |
| This man's been reading this. | |
| Say what you want. | |
| He's been talking about it. | |
| And the best part about Bobby Kennedy, he says, I'm not an anti-vaxxer. | |
| I've taken vaccines my whole life, he said, when he went to Africa. | |
|
Last Trip to Palookaville
00:02:07
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| He said, I've had more vaccines than you can imagine. | |
| He said, I just think they should be tested. | |
| Do you got a problem with that? | |
| Why? | |
| Because this is her last trip to Palookaville. | |
| She's on a network nobody knows about, doing the best she can. | |
| And she says, I'm going to be a ball buster. | |
| I'm going to smash this culione like that. | |
| And maybe I'll get, I don't know, it'll go viral or something. | |
| I mean, I'm on the back nine here, folks. | |
| I've got to do something. | |
| And he just ripped her apart. | |
| He just doesn't lose his cool. | |
| Doesn't lose his cool. | |
| I saw an interview with Pierce Morgan. | |
| Kissed his arse like you can't believe. | |
| A bootlicker, a lickspittle, an obeisant, fawning, obsequious little... | |
| A lickspittle. | |
| Yeah. | |
| A toady. | |
| It was amazing. | |
| Still like Bobby. | |
| Still like him. | |
| No matter what he's done, no matter what, I don't care what he is, he is a breath of fresh air. | |
| And Ron DeSantis still is collapsing. | |
| So anyway, dear friends, it's now 86 degrees in New York City. | |
| I hope you are doing well. | |
| I hope you are safe and sound and wonderful and great and terrific. | |
| And I hope you're feeling wonderful. | |
| You know what we're going to do? | |
| We're going to be back again tomorrow. | |
| Thank you so much. | |
| Sorry for the delay. | |
| I normally do it at 7 o 'clock, but I had stuff to do. | |
| I had to negotiate that traffic. | |
| And also, a special thanks to our good friend, Mr. Jonathan W., for your most kind donation to the cause, Jonathan. | |
| Jonathan, you're a real man, and an American, and I love you, and I thank you for that. | |
| All right, dear friends, we'll see you again tomorrow, same bat time, same bat time, same bat channel. | |
| 8 a.m. in the morning. | |
| You have a great and a glorious day. | |
| And until then, don't forget this valedictory, this denouement, this sayonara, this adios. | |
| The monkey's dead. | |
| The show's over. | |
| Sue ya. | |