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Oct. 31, 2022 - Lionel Nation
18:44
One of the Funniest True Stories
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Today, my wife and I did our early voting, and I love the whole notion of the franchise.
It's an important exercise of our liberty and the like, and I love these little stickers that I share, I buy.
I don't buy them.
I've got a whole bunch of my...
Bottom of my constitution somewhere.
Because I like to collect them anywhere they're somewhere.
But here's my latest one I got.
Can you read this?
It says, I'm a future voter.
And I don't understand what this means.
Is this for a kid?
What does this mean?
So I asked this very nice lady.
I don't think she was old or anything.
She was old.
Nice age.
I said, what does this mean?
They said, well, we give these out after you vote.
I said, no.
It says I'm a future voter.
This is early voting we're in.
Does this mean I'm a child?
She says, no.
It means, you know, you voted.
No, it says I'm a future voter.
I had the hardest time explaining this concept.
And it reminded me of one of the funniest things I think I've ever seen in my life.
From the days of voting.
Because like I said, I love voting, yes, but the process.
The people that, man, can you say that?
The polls, the people who volunteer, and the policeman who's there looking at his cell phone and just thinking, I get overtime for this.
And I love the process.
I really love the process.
But I've got to tell you a couple of stories which I think are, frankly, as the kids say, hilarious.
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Well, my friend, here it is.
This is my constitution.
And here are all of my accumulated stickers from past elections.
They all say, I voted early.
But that's what I'm going to add.
This says, I don't know if you can see it, it says, I'm a future voter.
And I think it's funny.
I'm putting it on here.
In a place of honor.
In the back of my book.
And I love the people that show up at these.
I love the whole notion.
We had this one time years ago in Florida.
I went to a precinct.
It was like a church.
Sometimes it's a school.
I like this.
The usual place we go is a school.
And they have these In New York, they have the School for Environmental Sciences, the School for Small Engine Repair, the School for Entertainment, the School for Hospital Services.
They're high schools named after.
One of them is the famous Jackie Kennedy School, the School for Performing Arts.
It's off of 6th Avenue, in any event.
But in Florida...
Well, we just had a little church.
One was next to a German-American club, which I liked.
They played bunco.
Not while we were voting.
One time, years ago, I walked in and it was empty.
And there were these older folks that were there.
And one gentleman said, Do you need any help?
I said, No, that's okay.
I appreciate it.
Well, if you need any help, Let me know.
But I can't tell you, you know, whom to vote for.
And I said, well, I could certainly understand that.
But if you need any help, I don't know what help you would need.
Sometimes I guess putting the...
Remember, flout, it was the days of the hanging chads, and they used the little dimpled stylus and all of these things.
So, when I went there, I'm looking around, and it was...
I think he and this other lady was like, nobody there.
They had their donuts.
They were there.
They got together like once, not a year, but whatever the voting season is.
I guess primaries, midterms, or general.
And I said, bye!
So many decisions.
So many choices.
Yeah, yeah.
I said, well, who looks good for you, or good to you?
And he looked at me like, look, I can't answer this.
I said, just kidding.
I know you can't.
You can't help.
That would violate your terms.
And again, there's nobody in there.
It's just us.
And this was so long ago, there was no closed-circuit TV or anything.
So I said...
But if you had to...
If you had to pick one...
But should you...
Is there anything...
And the guy was going crazy.
No, no!
Anyway, I calmed down, but it was that love.
I love they used to have the League of Women Voters.
Remember when old ladies had blue hair?
They don't really have them anymore.
Now it's more orangey, tang cover, but this was blue.
You saw blue-haired ladies, hence the name Blue Hair Blue.
So, to make a long story short, One time, and this is the best story ever.
My friend, we all went to lunch.
We were prosecutors, and we all went from, during our lunch break, we went to vote.
And he happened to be in my precinct.
I said, oh, lo and behold, there he is.
So he shows up.
Oop, I got another one.
I'm a future voter.
I'm going to wear this one, by the way.
By the way, take off these stickers.
Put them on your, wear them, you know, and then put them back on this piece of wax paper or whatever and wear them about six weeks later.
Put them back on.
Make people think, is there an election?
Or is he still wearing the same clothes?
In any event.
There I was.
I told my friend.
He's in front of me.
Now follow me.
I've told this story before.
And some people don't get it, but you will because you're sharp and you're paying attention.
One of my favorite stories.
He goes and he says, I'm here to vote.
And he happened to have his new voter ID card.
Happened to have it with him.
He hands the woman The card.
She looks at the card.
And then looks at him.
And she says, you did not sign the back of this card.
This voter registration card.
You didn't sign the back of it.
You got your name in the front, but you didn't sign it.
He said, oh, I'm sorry.
I just got this.
Let me sign it.
Now follow me.
I know you can't.
So he takes it and he signs it in front of her.
He then hands the card to her.
She then takes the roll book, actually the book, and she says, sign your name here.
Where are you supposed to sign?
Under your name and address.
And he does it.
She then compares The signature of the card that he just signed with the signature in the book that he just signed.
And she compares them.
First of all, what this scrivener or not cryptographer, graphologist, I guess, what she's going to detect in the first place.
Because signatures, you know, I don't know.
But she's comparing two signatures signed less than a minute apart.
So, he looked at me and I looked at him and he looks at the woman and says, that's pretty good.
She says, what?
He says, comparing the signatures.
I know I'm supposed to.
No, no, no.
I get it.
I get it.
Comparing the signatures of two signatures that I just signed.
I know I'm supposed to.
No, no, no.
It's a joke.
See, I understand.
Why are you comparing two signatures?
They're obviously going to be the same.
She says, but that's what I have to do.
Yes, but I just signed them.
See, normally you sign two signatures that were signed.
At different times.
Normally on a card.
And he goes through this.
And the woman wasn't pulling his leg, but he was going crazy.
And she said, well no, because you know what the rule says?
No, I know the rule says, but it makes no sense to compare the signature.
Anyway.
It was one of those wonderful moments of life that I love.
Those moments that just didn't make any sense.
Those moments that you...
Just for me, one time there was a story, and it's been done a million times, and stand-up comics have done it forever.
But there was a sign one time on an Eckerd's drugstore.
This was Eckerd's used to be in Florida, Jack Eckerd, years ago.
Owned it.
And there was a sign.
This is before service animals and all this.
And it said something effective.
No dogs allowed.
Except seeing eye dogs.
And this was on the sign.
And we were there.
And there was an older lady.
And she happened to be noticing it too.
And again, I said, that's kind of funny.
That sign.
What do you mean?
Well, just, you know, no dogs allowed.
And again, this joke is ancient.
Everybody's noticing.
You see, what do you mean?
I say, well, who's the sign for?
I mean, you can't read.
No, it's to let people know.
No, I know that.
But it says for me to read.
You can't bring a dog in.
But if I'm a seeing eye dog and I can't see, I can't read the sign.
And she says, I know that's to let you know that the dog is okay.
And I realized, am I?
Are they pulling my leg here?
These people are wonderful people.
They probably saved the country.
They were most probably in some type of world war.
They are responsible for the civilization prior to us being here.
But yet, Something happens to some at a certain age where either their sense of humor or their sense of that which is obvious escapes them.
And I love them.
And I'm so afraid.
Please, would you tell me, if ever I do this, would you let me know?
Would you come up to me and say, excuse me, you don't know me, but I saw you do a video one time about, well, you're doing that.
You're doing the lady like with the signature and the dog.
It's just not, it's not working.
Not working.
I love things that we do.
I love all of the signs.
May I tell you one thing about also voting in New York?
You know how normally they have a sign that says, you know, Spanish, vote here!
Maybe in Spanish, votar aquí.
Well, New York, being New York, they've got like 700 languages.
700 languages.
I mean, they had at a CVS drugstore, they had a sign that said, if you need an interpreter, we'll get you one for the following languages.
It was like the UN.
This is at a drugstore.
Just in...
Incredible.
The number, the multiplicity of...
It's just...
I find that fascinating.
There's something about that that is so...
There's just this one thing about New York.
There's an old joke, by the way, years ago.
It's a terrible joke.
Two people are talking and one guy says, I'm so embarrassed.
He goes, my father's a town drunk.
He says, it's not so bad.
He says, New York?
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.
I really did.
Because today is just a day where everybody's walking around with their signs.
I just love things like that.
I love events like this.
I love when people get together and exhibit and participate in the franchise.
In just the process.
That we have of this thing called voting.
And I don't think I have ever missed a vote, I'm trying to think, of any sort since I was 18. I don't believe.
Because I just like it.
And I love these stickers.
Because I'm a future voter.
And I still don't know what this means or why they gave this to me.
I think it's for a child.
In any event, thank you so much for watching.
Thank you so much for your attention to detail.
Please, if you like this in any way, please like it.
If you don't like this, keep it to yourself.
Don't, you know, don't spread the word.
Just let it go.
And I would love to see your thoughts and comments, especially examples below that you've seen of things that were just so daft, yet so...
Interestingly comic that you had to share them nonetheless.
In any event, thank you.
Have a great and a glorious day.
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