Lionel Nation - One of the Funniest True Stories
Aired: 2022-10-31
Duration: 18:44


=== Dirty Man Safes Protection (03:01) ===

[00:00:01]  Disaster can strike when least expected.
[00:00:03]  Wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes.
[00:00:06]  They can instantly turn your world upside down.
[00:00:10]  Dirty Man Underground Safes is a safeguard against chaos.
[00:00:14]  Hidden below, your valuables remain protected no matter what.
[00:00:18]  Prepare for the unexpected.
[00:00:20]  Use code DIRTY10 for 10% off and secure peace of mind for you and your family.
[00:00:26]  Dirty Man Safe.
[00:00:27]  When disaster hits, security isn't optional.
[00:00:31]  When uncertainty strikes, peace of mind is priceless.
[00:00:34]  Dirty Man Underground Safes protects what matters most.
[00:00:39]  Discreetly designed, these safes are where innovation meets reliability, keeping your valuables close yet secure.
[00:00:46]  Be ready for anything.
[00:00:49]  Use code DIRTY10 for 10% off today and take the first step towards safeguarding your future.
[00:00:55]  Dirty Man Safe.
[00:00:56]  Because protecting your family starts with protecting what you treasure.
[00:01:01]  The storm is coming.
[00:01:02]  Markets are crashing.
[00:01:04]  Banks are closing.
[00:01:05]  When the economy collapses, how will you survive?
[00:01:09]  You need a plan.
[00:01:12]  Cash, gold, bitcoin.
[00:01:14]  Dirty Man Safes keep your assets hidden underground at a secret location ready for any crisis.
[00:01:21]  Don't wait for disaster to strike.
[00:01:24]  Get your Dirty Man safe today.
[00:01:27]  Use promo code DIRTY10 for 10% off your order.
[00:01:31]  Today, my wife and I did our early voting, and I love the whole notion of the franchise.
[00:01:37]  It's an important exercise of our liberty and the like, and I love these little stickers that I share, I buy.
[00:01:49]  I don't buy them.
[00:01:50]  I've got a whole bunch of my...
[00:01:53]  Bottom of my constitution somewhere.
[00:01:56]  Because I like to collect them anywhere they're somewhere.
[00:02:00]  But here's my latest one I got.
[00:02:03]  Can you read this?
[00:02:03]  It says, I'm a future voter.
[00:02:07]  And I don't understand what this means.
[00:02:09]  Is this for a kid?
[00:02:10]  What does this mean?
[00:02:14]  So I asked this very nice lady.
[00:02:18]  I don't think she was old or anything.
[00:02:20]  She was old.
[00:02:23]  Nice age.
[00:02:24]  I said, what does this mean?
[00:02:29]  They said, well, we give these out after you vote.
[00:02:32]  I said, no.
[00:02:33]  It says I'm a future voter.
[00:02:36]  This is early voting we're in.
[00:02:39]  Does this mean I'm a child?
[00:02:42]  She says, no.
[00:02:43]  It means, you know, you voted.
[00:02:45]  No, it says I'm a future voter.

=== Silver Demand Exceeds Supply (03:06) ===

[00:02:48]  I had the hardest time explaining this concept.
[00:02:52]  And it reminded me of one of the funniest things I think I've ever seen in my life.
[00:03:00]  From the days of voting.
[00:03:02]  Because like I said, I love voting, yes, but the process.
[00:03:08]  The people that, man, can you say that?
[00:03:12]  The polls, the people who volunteer, and the policeman who's there looking at his cell phone and just thinking, I get overtime for this.
[00:03:21]  And I love the process.
[00:03:22]  I really love the process.
[00:03:25]  But I've got to tell you a couple of stories which I think are, frankly, as the kids say, hilarious.
[00:03:33]  But first, a word from our sponsor.
[00:03:39]  Silver demand will exceed supply again this year.
[00:03:44]  32,000 tons of silver will be produced against 34,000 tons of demand.
[00:03:51]  Mining.com, an online-only news site covering the global mining and metals industry, sourced the data.
[00:03:58]  This proves what Noble Gold Investments has long warned the market about.
[00:04:03]  U.S.'s transition to renewable energy will put pressure on silver production.
[00:04:08]  Silver is used in solar cells, industrial fabrication, and the automotive industry.
[00:04:15]  There will be a future increase in demand in the field of nanotechnology, the food industry, and printed and flexible electronics.
[00:04:23]  Demand will increase by 54% by 2030.
[00:04:27]  There is no better time to invest with Noble Gold Investments than now.
[00:04:33]  Noble Gold Investments will walk you through the entire process, and it will take you no more than five minutes to open a gold or silver IRA.
[00:04:41]  And this month, you'll get an incredible, free, three-ounce silver American virtue coin.
[00:04:48]  With a qualified IRA of $20,000 or higher.
[00:04:52]  You can't go wrong with Noble Gold Investments.
[00:04:56]  Call the team now at 877-646-5347 to find out more or visit noblegoldinvestments.com.
[00:05:06]  That's noblegoldinvestments.com.
[00:05:09]  Remember, there is always a risk of loss and past performance is not indicative of future results.
[00:05:17]  Well, my friend, here it is.
[00:05:20]  This is my constitution.
[00:05:23]  And here are all of my accumulated stickers from past elections.
[00:05:28]  They all say, I voted early.
[00:05:30]  But that's what I'm going to add.
[00:05:33]  This says, I don't know if you can see it, it says, I'm a future voter.

=== A Sign in New York (13:05) ===

[00:05:40]  And I think it's funny.
[00:05:43]  I'm putting it on here.
[00:05:44]  In a place of honor.
[00:05:46]  In the back of my book.
[00:05:50]  And I love the people that show up at these.
[00:05:53]  I love the whole notion.
[00:05:56]  We had this one time years ago in Florida.
[00:05:59]  I went to a precinct.
[00:06:01]  It was like a church.
[00:06:04]  Sometimes it's a school.
[00:06:06]  I like this.
[00:06:07]  The usual place we go is a school.
[00:06:10]  And they have these In New York, they have the School for Environmental Sciences, the School for Small Engine Repair, the School for Entertainment, the School for Hospital Services.
[00:06:23]  They're high schools named after.
[00:06:26]  One of them is the famous Jackie Kennedy School, the School for Performing Arts.
[00:06:32]  It's off of 6th Avenue, in any event.
[00:06:35]  But in Florida...
[00:06:36]  Well, we just had a little church.
[00:06:38]  One was next to a German-American club, which I liked.
[00:06:42]  They played bunco.
[00:06:45]  Not while we were voting.
[00:06:47]  One time, years ago, I walked in and it was empty.
[00:06:51]  And there were these older folks that were there.
[00:06:57]  And one gentleman said, Do you need any help?
[00:07:00]  I said, No, that's okay.
[00:07:01]  I appreciate it.
[00:07:03]  Well, if you need any help, Let me know.
[00:07:07]  But I can't tell you, you know, whom to vote for.
[00:07:11]  And I said, well, I could certainly understand that.
[00:07:16]  But if you need any help, I don't know what help you would need.
[00:07:20]  Sometimes I guess putting the...
[00:07:22]  Remember, flout, it was the days of the hanging chads, and they used the little dimpled stylus and all of these things.
[00:07:30]  So, when I went there, I'm looking around, and it was...
[00:07:35]  I think he and this other lady was like, nobody there.
[00:07:38]  They had their donuts.
[00:07:39]  They were there.
[00:07:40]  They got together like once, not a year, but whatever the voting season is.
[00:07:44]  I guess primaries, midterms, or general.
[00:07:48]  And I said, bye!
[00:07:50]  So many decisions.
[00:07:52]  So many choices.
[00:07:54]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:07:55]  I said, well, who looks good for you, or good to you?
[00:07:57]  And he looked at me like, look, I can't answer this.
[00:08:00]  I said, just kidding.
[00:08:02]  I know you can't.
[00:08:04]  You can't help.
[00:08:06]  That would violate your terms.
[00:08:08]  And again, there's nobody in there.
[00:08:10]  It's just us.
[00:08:11]  And this was so long ago, there was no closed-circuit TV or anything.
[00:08:16]  So I said...
[00:08:18]  But if you had to...
[00:08:20]  If you had to pick one...
[00:08:23]  But should you...
[00:08:31]  Is there anything...
[00:08:32]  And the guy was going crazy.
[00:08:34]  No, no!
[00:08:36]  Anyway, I calmed down, but it was that love.
[00:08:42]  I love they used to have the League of Women Voters.
[00:08:45]  Remember when old ladies had blue hair?
[00:08:48]  They don't really have them anymore.
[00:08:49]  Now it's more orangey, tang cover, but this was blue.
[00:08:52]  You saw blue-haired ladies, hence the name Blue Hair Blue.
[00:08:58]  So, to make a long story short, One time, and this is the best story ever.
[00:09:10]  My friend, we all went to lunch.
[00:09:15]  We were prosecutors, and we all went from, during our lunch break, we went to vote.
[00:09:20]  And he happened to be in my precinct.
[00:09:22]  I said, oh, lo and behold, there he is.
[00:09:25]  So he shows up.
[00:09:26]  Oop, I got another one.
[00:09:27]  I'm a future voter.
[00:09:28]  I'm going to wear this one, by the way.
[00:09:30]  By the way, take off these stickers.
[00:09:33]  Put them on your, wear them, you know, and then put them back on this piece of wax paper or whatever and wear them about six weeks later.
[00:09:44]  Put them back on.
[00:09:45]  Make people think, is there an election?
[00:09:49]  Or is he still wearing the same clothes?
[00:09:51]  In any event.
[00:09:55]  There I was.
[00:09:57]  I told my friend.
[00:09:59]  He's in front of me.
[00:10:00]  Now follow me.
[00:10:01]  I've told this story before.
[00:10:04]  And some people don't get it, but you will because you're sharp and you're paying attention.
[00:10:09]  One of my favorite stories.
[00:10:14]  He goes and he says, I'm here to vote.
[00:10:18]  And he happened to have his new voter ID card.
[00:10:23]  Happened to have it with him.
[00:10:29]  He hands the woman The card.
[00:10:36]  She looks at the card.
[00:10:42]  And then looks at him.
[00:10:45]  And she says, you did not sign the back of this card.
[00:10:52]  This voter registration card.
[00:10:53]  You didn't sign the back of it.
[00:10:55]  You got your name in the front, but you didn't sign it.
[00:10:57]  He said, oh, I'm sorry.
[00:10:58]  I just got this.
[00:11:00]  Let me sign it.
[00:11:01]  Now follow me.
[00:11:02]  I know you can't.
[00:11:04]  So he takes it and he signs it in front of her.
[00:11:10]  He then hands the card to her.
[00:11:14]  She then takes the roll book, actually the book, and she says, sign your name here.
[00:11:21]  Where are you supposed to sign?
[00:11:24]  Under your name and address.
[00:11:26]  And he does it.
[00:11:30]  She then compares The signature of the card that he just signed with the signature in the book that he just signed.
[00:11:43]  And she compares them.
[00:11:45]  First of all, what this scrivener or not cryptographer, graphologist, I guess, what she's going to detect in the first place.
[00:12:00]  Because signatures, you know, I don't know.
[00:12:04]  But she's comparing two signatures signed less than a minute apart.
[00:12:13]  So, he looked at me and I looked at him and he looks at the woman and says, that's pretty good.
[00:12:20]  She says, what?
[00:12:21]  He says, comparing the signatures.
[00:12:25]  I know I'm supposed to.
[00:12:26]  No, no, no.
[00:12:27]  I get it.
[00:12:28]  I get it.
[00:12:29]  Comparing the signatures of two signatures that I just signed.
[00:12:33]  I know I'm supposed to.
[00:12:35]  No, no, no.
[00:12:37]  It's a joke.
[00:12:38]  See, I understand.
[00:12:40]  Why are you comparing two signatures?
[00:12:42]  They're obviously going to be the same.
[00:12:44]  She says, but that's what I have to do.
[00:12:46]  Yes, but I just signed them.
[00:12:49]  See, normally you sign two signatures that were signed.
[00:12:52]  At different times.
[00:12:53]  Normally on a card.
[00:12:55]  And he goes through this.
[00:12:57]  And the woman wasn't pulling his leg, but he was going crazy.
[00:13:02]  And she said, well no, because you know what the rule says?
[00:13:05]  No, I know the rule says, but it makes no sense to compare the signature.
[00:13:13]  Anyway.
[00:13:15]  It was one of those wonderful moments of life that I love.
[00:13:21]  Those moments that just didn't make any sense.
[00:13:25]  Those moments that you...
[00:13:28]  Just for me, one time there was a story, and it's been done a million times, and stand-up comics have done it forever.
[00:13:40]  But there was a sign one time on an Eckerd's drugstore.
[00:13:45]  This was Eckerd's used to be in Florida, Jack Eckerd, years ago.
[00:13:50]  Owned it.
[00:13:51]  And there was a sign.
[00:13:53]  This is before service animals and all this.
[00:13:58]  And it said something effective.
[00:13:59]  No dogs allowed.
[00:14:01]  Except seeing eye dogs.
[00:14:03]  And this was on the sign.
[00:14:05]  And we were there.
[00:14:07]  And there was an older lady.
[00:14:08]  And she happened to be noticing it too.
[00:14:09]  And again, I said, that's kind of funny.
[00:14:12]  That sign.
[00:14:13]  What do you mean?
[00:14:17]  Well, just, you know, no dogs allowed.
[00:14:21]  And again, this joke is ancient.
[00:14:25]  Everybody's noticing.
[00:14:28]  You see, what do you mean?
[00:14:28]  I say, well, who's the sign for?
[00:14:30]  I mean, you can't read.
[00:14:33]  No, it's to let people know.
[00:14:34]  No, I know that.
[00:14:36]  But it says for me to read.
[00:14:40]  You can't bring a dog in.
[00:14:44]  But if I'm a seeing eye dog and I can't see, I can't read the sign.
[00:14:49]  And she says, I know that's to let you know that the dog is okay.
[00:14:53]  And I realized, am I?
[00:14:55]  Are they pulling my leg here?
[00:14:59]  These people are wonderful people.
[00:15:01]  They probably saved the country.
[00:15:05]  They were most probably in some type of world war.
[00:15:08]  They are responsible for the civilization prior to us being here.
[00:15:14]  But yet, Something happens to some at a certain age where either their sense of humor or their sense of that which is obvious escapes them.
[00:15:27]  And I love them.
[00:15:28]  And I'm so afraid.
[00:15:31]  Please, would you tell me, if ever I do this, would you let me know?
[00:15:35]  Would you come up to me and say, excuse me, you don't know me, but I saw you do a video one time about, well, you're doing that.
[00:15:41]  You're doing the lady like with the signature and the dog.
[00:15:45]  It's just not, it's not working.
[00:15:48]  Not working.
[00:15:54]  I love things that we do.
[00:15:57]  I love all of the signs.
[00:16:00]  May I tell you one thing about also voting in New York?
[00:16:03]  You know how normally they have a sign that says, you know, Spanish, vote here!
[00:16:11]  Maybe in Spanish, votar aquí.
[00:16:16]  Well, New York, being New York, they've got like 700 languages.
[00:16:23]  700 languages.
[00:16:26]  I mean, they had at a CVS drugstore, they had a sign that said, if you need an interpreter, we'll get you one for the following languages.
[00:16:38]  It was like the UN.
[00:16:39]  This is at a drugstore.
[00:16:42]  Just in...
[00:16:43]  Incredible.
[00:16:44]  The number, the multiplicity of...
[00:16:50]  It's just...
[00:16:52]  I find that fascinating.
[00:16:54]  There's something about that that is so...
[00:16:57]  There's just this one thing about New York.
[00:17:00]  There's an old joke, by the way, years ago.
[00:17:02]  It's a terrible joke.
[00:17:03]  Two people are talking and one guy says, I'm so embarrassed.
[00:17:06]  He goes, my father's a town drunk.
[00:17:08]  He says, it's not so bad.
[00:17:09]  He says, New York?
[00:17:11]  Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.
[00:17:13]  I really did.
[00:17:14]  Because today is just a day where everybody's walking around with their signs.
[00:17:21]  I just love things like that.
[00:17:25]  I love events like this.
[00:17:26]  I love when people get together and exhibit and participate in the franchise.
[00:17:35]  In just the process.
[00:17:40]  That we have of this thing called voting.
[00:17:43]  And I don't think I have ever missed a vote, I'm trying to think, of any sort since I was 18. I don't believe.
[00:17:58]  Because I just like it.
[00:18:00]  And I love these stickers.
[00:18:02]  Because I'm a future voter.
[00:18:04]  And I still don't know what this means or why they gave this to me.
[00:18:08]  I think it's for a child.
[00:18:09]  In any event, thank you so much for watching.
[00:18:12]  Thank you so much for your attention to detail.
[00:18:17]  Please, if you like this in any way, please like it.
[00:18:21]  If you don't like this, keep it to yourself.
[00:18:24]  Don't, you know, don't spread the word.
[00:18:28]  Just let it go.
[00:18:29]  And I would love to see your thoughts and comments, especially examples below that you've seen of things that were just so daft, yet so...
[00:18:37]  Interestingly comic that you had to share them nonetheless.
[00:18:41]  In any event, thank you.
[00:18:43]  Have a great and a glorious day.