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May 14, 2024 - The Podcast of the Lotus Eaters

01:42:18

The Podcast of the Lotus Eaters #914

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Time	Text
	The End
	The End Hello and welcome to the podcast for Lotus Eaters.
	I'm joined by Carl.
	Hello!
	And Jess.
	Hello!
	And today we're going to be talking about City People, gay, sorry, straight is the new gay, in fact, and Doctor Who, LMAO.
	LMAO even.
	Is that the old title or is that, no, that is the actual title.
	I may well come up with a better title for it later.
	Have you seen that sketch of there's this guy interviewing like youths and he's hiring for MI5 and he's like, we're trying to track down this Chinese spy.
	It's called Lum Fowl.
	Do you know Lum Fowl?
	I'll show you it after.
	I have not seen it.
	It's a good sketch.
	Anyway, I won't do it justice.
	So, I have an announcement to make, which is there is merch on the merch store, as you can see here, and scroll and look at it, and there's t-shirts and mugs and everything else.
	What's happening there is there's a 10% discount because apparently this is the last week you'll be able to buy the current merch.
	So, if you want to go and do that, you can, and the merch discount will be applied once you put it in your basket, is what it says here.
	There we are.
	Otherwise, let's get into the news, shall we?
	Right.
	Shitty people.
	You want to talk about city people?
	Not really.
	You know the meme about city people from South Park?
	So all these city people come to the... what?
	Jesse's yawning in some place.
	No.
	Are you going to learn?
	Damn it!
	Because that meme is like 25 years old now.
	We're 25 years old.
	And ironically, I think that's when it came out, 25 years ago.
	The last episode of South Park.
	Was it the last one?
	Oh right, okay, well there's another older meme of South Park.
	Oh, not the shitty people.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Which literally came out 20-something years ago.
	So anyway, there's these city people that turn up, and of course, city people being what they are, they're all just like, where's the Wi-Fi?
	Where's my bottle of water?
	They're just weird obsessions over stuff that's not...
	Necessary, but, you know, is nice.
	But there seems to be a reverse in the UK, because that seems to be the American interpretation of how cities should work.
	Now, the UK has a different circumstance in which we have the lovely countryside, which is literally heaven on earth, populated by millionaires by the looks of the house prices.
	And then the cities are the, like, Mordor of... It's something like Fallout in the cities, isn't it?
	It's hell.
	Fallout 3 really reminds me of the average British city.
	And before we get into viewing it... Lots of raiders!
	Can't call them that.
	Can we?
	I don't know.
	You know what, let's get it on screen real quick, just to make the point of what I'm talking about.
	So this is an account here called UB1UB2 West London, open brackets, South Hall.
	And this is news from South Hall in the West London area.
	And as you can see, we're looking... I like that that's got its own Twitter account.
	That feels awfully specific in me.
	We're looking at some footage.
	I guess we'll play it for the noise, if nothing else.
	This is Bus Talk.
	We're at the Lido.
	It's a green bus and this is the situation in public.
	What TfL is doing?
	Sorry to say.
	Yes, so for listeners, we're looking at quite a lot of Indian chaps and chapesses.
	And they're not bloody queuing!
	Not queuing.
	Instead barging to the front of the bus.
	Actively annoys me.
	Magic soil has failed.
	Integration hasn't happened.
	They haven't formed a queue.
	And the camera pans, and there's just this old woman and presumably her daughter are just like... Not very queue-y around here, are they?
	But the thing is, you know exactly how they feel.
	The representation, the avatar of Britishness right there is just like, that is not a queue.
	Yeah.
	But before we go forwards, I must mention something else, which is, as you can see here, there is job opportunities on Locius.com.
	So this is the production manager section.
	So if you go to the website, go down to careers, there is a job for production managers.
	So do go and give it a read.
	And if it fits you, apply.
	Otherwise, moving back, because your point about queuing.
	Yeah, this was the majority position.
	That's because, why wouldn't it be?
	But also, have the cities gone that far?
	Are we really in the position where it's like the reverse of the meme, where the city dwellers are one thing, and then there's us in the country who come and visit the city for a weekend.
	And we're just sitting around going, queuing, queuing, have you got any queuing?
	Cup of tea?
	What, what?
	The thing is, these people are just like, no, this is just totally normal.
	What we do is we all just press slowly, but inevitably forward as hard as we can.
	And then somehow we end up on a bus.
	So that's normal to these people.
	It reminds me of Year 7 when everyone's waiting to go in for the lunch haul and everyone's just trying to push forward.
	But is queuing unironically a British thing?
	Surely Americans queue though, right?
	Americans queue resentfully, I've noticed.
	But with something like this, surely it's just common sense?
	Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?
	This is such the British mindset, where it's just like, isn't everyone doing this?
	No one is doing queuing.
	No, the Japanese queue.
	Okay, yes, they do.
	Again, island race.
	If they live on islands, they're one of us.
	But is North America an island?
	No.
	We cut off Rio Grande.
	They're not good at queuing.
	No, but the more I've traveled, because I had the same thing, I thought the whole world, because it makes sense.
	What are you, stupid?
	You go to Russia.
	What are you, a barbarian?
	Yeah.
	I guess you just roll push and rush to get onto the bus, I suppose.
	You don't wait patiently in your turn.
	Yeah.
	Turns out that's true.
	So most people watching have lived in other places and whatnot.
	Well, no, it's not the case.
	But I had the culture shock when I went to Russia and I'm at the train station.
	I remember you read about Lenin's life.
	And Lenin, when he went from Switzerland to start the revolution in Russia, was on the train and people were smoking in the train.
	So he came up with this ticketing system where you would get a ticket and have to wait your turn like Argos.
	So then you could go out and have a cigarette outside the train, because it was getting too crammed.
	You go to a train station in Russia, queuing is forboden, people ignore it, there's just no idea, so instead there's a ticketing system if you want to buy a ticket.
	So you get your ticket to buy a ticket, and you sit there and wait with your ticket, until it's your ticket's turn to come up, and then you can go and buy a ticket.
	And the worst part is, you go to the counter, the cashier, to speak to the woman, and you're like, oh yes, I would like to buy a ticket, and some Russian guy will just turn up and barge in between you, and you're like, oh yes, I would like to b-b-b-b-blah, and you're like, what the fuck?
	Even when the ticketing system is used, queuing is still not permitted.
	It is madness out there.
	Well, it is.
	And it's come here.
	Well, here we have it.
	Which is the worst part about it.
	Yeah.
	I don't care if foreigners are going to stampede each other in foreign parts, you know, what can you do about that?
	In London?
	Well, people remember a different time.
	You can see Paul here being like, who's old enough to remember when Britons would queue?
	Yeah, but... It's Britons.
	Think of the Death of the Queen, where there was like a three mile long queue.
	Most orderly and civilized thing you've ever seen in your life.
	Yeah.
	Not as diverse as South Hall.
	Anyway, moving on.
	I love the way they're acting as if the bus is gonna go if they don't get on.
	Like, no, the guy'll just wait for you to get on.
	In the queue.
	To be fair, if it's that packed, though, because I've had experiences in London where there's literally, like, swarms of people outside the bus, and the bus has to, like, take off because there isn't enough space.
	So, again, maybe it is also just a...
	Uh, careless.
	How does cramming yourselves forward increase the amount of space on the bus?
	Because once you run out of cram space, you do the Indian thing of going on the top.
	Ah, good thing.
	Or hanging on the side.
	What?
	You haven't seen that.
	Have you not seen that?
	What do you mean?
	John, pull that up!
	Tie that.
	Indians riding trains and buses.
	We'll just see.
	I didn't know you were this sheltered.
	It's pretty dangerous looking.
	Just look at this.
	Yeah.
	These are people riding trains.
	Trains?
	Yeah.
	That's how they ride trains.
	This isn't a joke image or AI generated.
	This is normal.
	People just get on the sides of the train and if they die, they die.
	Weirdly, the magic soil didn't change their opinion on trains.
	Yeah, now type in Indian buses and see what comes up, because it's a similar circumstance.
	I can kind of get buses, but trains which are going like... Yeah, there we are.
	People riding on the bus.
	How do you climb on the top of it?
	One hand after another.
	Just like you climbed on top of the train, you know?
	Yeah, presumably this will be the future of London.
	That's all I can say.
	Also, why do we spend all this money on disabled access?
	Oh, I don't know!
	What's the point?
	I'm just picturing the health and safety managers popping a blood vessel.
	Yeah, so this has been the large response of people, which is to focus on the two people in the crowd that stood out, who were looking disapprovingly at what they've witnessed, wondering how things can be this bad.
	And what's interesting is you can find oldie pictures of a different country Once upon a time in a London far away, populated entirely by fictional characters, we can see here a large number of people wanted to get on this bus, but they just queued.
	Funny.
	Funny that.
	No longer will city people be like this.
	And the reason being because this is Southpaw.
	This is going to literally be like the British wandering around, the English, or the Germans wandering around the ruins of the Roman Empire.
	Being like, wow, giants must have built this.
	I should correct myself.
	I think it was Ryslip, not Southall, but the area was West London.
	Sure.
	And some of it looks like this.
	I mean, we've been over before.
	This is Southall, for example.
	The double-decker buses on Street View telling you how to send money back to Pakistan.
	I need to know that.
	The reason being because the population is 0.0% English.
	Ah, that explains it.
	That's why they have adverts for that.
	And if you go there, IRL, which I have, you can see it in person.
	I do love this.
	A white guy, he wears Indian clothes.
	Come and buy our clothes.
	Okay, cool.
	Again... I don't feel like I'm going to trust the meat sold in those shops.
	No, there's also quite a lot of, obviously, foreign language services to send money home or get visas, and not many pubs.
	A total of zero pubs, in fact, along this street here.
	That's London.
	We're looking at London, folks.
	Right, okay.
	Just to keep yourselves in mind, that's the city people now.
	That is what it is.
	And we compare this to the outside world.
	I went horse riding over the weekend, took this picture.
	It's a horse.
	Yes, but also pretty.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Don't get me wrong.
	I think you can build nice cities.
	It's just that England doesn't have them.
	Have you considered that we should tarmac over this and build giant tenement blocks for house Somalians though, Calum?
	Well, it's come to me.
	It's come to my attention.
	It's an idea.
	But I wanted to real quick just go and check out this particular area of that West London area because that account Boy, it's good fun for checking out the city people.
	Oh, is it?
	It's called UB1, UB2.
	And they just post endless news about their area.
	Which, of course, might as well be a foreign account.
	So here's some footage of the history of Southall in particular.
	A thousand Asians march through the streets of Southall.
	And apart from a small army of policemen, there's hardly a white face in sight.
	Presumably, they're staying away to avoid a confrontation.
	You really are that scared about them?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh yeah, Mike got a van, and when I'd come over here in my van, I'd lock both doors.
	I mean, I've got nothing against the colour people, don't get me wrong, but there's nothing left of the white person in Southall at all.
	Because if it was one of our boys, we wouldn't have all this stuff.
	And our white people, they wouldn't demonstrate like the colours are.
	Against the recent history of racial tension in Southall, the marchers were anxious to show the other side of the story.
	This mantra, peace.
	So what we're looking at here, just to give some context... Sorry, is he against peace?
	No, no, no.
	There was an Indian guy who was murdered by white youths, but they never actually found them, so we don't actually know what happened at the end of the court case.
	It was presumed that this was because of the National Front and Enoch Powell, is what it was blamed on, and so these guys are campaigning of, like, there shouldn't be a retaliatory situation.
	These old Indian guys are the ones who came over with some kind of love for Britain in the heart.
	Anglophile.
	But there's lots of them, and what that does is change the area, regardless of how much they love Britain.
	There's loads of you, that's just how it is.
	These chaps appreciate a queue.
	They might have, indeed.
	But as you can see, even back then, there were some people in Southall who were not them, and they were upset about the change.
	And now there is 0.0% of those people you saw earlier.
	So that's that.
	And I want to address this head on, I think.
	Because you see this a lot, like the argument about why this is somewhat acceptable.
	So this is that same account, and it's celebrating here, a good chap of course, 100-year-old Rajadhar Singh Dutt, who waits for the Queen's procession in Hounslow, West London, with a single rose in his hand to pay his respects.
	And as you see, he's got medals from the Great War.
	Crème de la Crème.
	Yeah.
	Like this is the poster boy for immigration, right?
	But the thing I find annoying is the idea that Southall should be or can be permitted to be 0.0% English and this is somewhat a good thing or something like this is all predicated on chaps like this.
	This is the poster boy for it.
	Which very much reminds me of boomer Americans who are like, you should treat me with some respect.
	Don't you know my grandfather fought in the Second World War?
	I didn't know that.
	I don't care!
	Have you seen that video of the like 10 year old who says you're disrespecting a future US Army soldier?
	You've not seen that one?
	Nah.
	Well it's just...
	Yeah, this isn't you.
	That's the thing.
	This chap here ran... I'm going to get his name wrong.
	Mr. Dat.
	There we are.
	Mr. Dat obviously did the best thing ever.
	Fighting for us.
	Sure.
	Earned lots of medals doing it.
	And in which case, fantastic.
	But that is not a justification for anything in the future.
	Never mind people who have nothing to do with Mr. Dat or his achievements.
	But I hear because, well, someone some time served us in a war, therefore the ethnic group that's attached to him should be allowed to move en masse here.
	I just think that's a mad thing, and it's something that goes uncontested a lot.
	Especially with the boomers.
	I love the TikToks like that, it's like, don't you know my dad fought Normandy?
	Yeah, I like him.
	I don't know who you really think.
	There's that.
	But this takes us to what the city people are like, because of course there's lots of posts.
	So this is the least aggressive incident of road rage in Southall.
	Okay, 65EBJ.
	How do you think this happens?
	Does he get rammed off his bike?
	You told me to come in, right?
	Wait, did you tell me- Get out!
	Get out!
	Oh, okay.
	Escalated quickly.
	You can go watch the full video, nothing else of interest happens.
	He just goes in there, starts screaming at the Indian guy driving the bus, and then starts smashing it.
	That's why they've got the barriers there.
	I mean, you know, when I was a kid, there weren't barriers on buses, believe it or not.
	Oh, I've just seen them for COVID.
	No.
	Never replaced them.
	No, no, no, they were there before COVID.
	So you're right that they brought them in during COVID, but in London they always had extra barriers.
	It was outside the London area.
	I don't know if it's because we've got their old buses or something, but now it's the norm that we just have this.
	Well, you know, you don't want the bus driver being assaulted.
	Why do they have to come to that?
	Which is a problem that we experience now.
	You're quite right.
	I don't want him being assaulted.
	So maybe we build a society where we don't need the barriers.
	Too late.
	Too late.
	Anyway, there's this chap.
	He's looking for a job, as you can see here from the same account.
	should we see how he looks for a job yeah I'm glad it's subtitled.
	It needs to be subtitled.
	For those listening, sorry about the noise, but that was a man looking for a job in Punjabi out of a speaker.
	That's how the city people advertise.
	City people have religious festivals, of course.
	Eid, as you can see here, it's being celebrated.
	With the truncheon.
	The community at large, this is... Okay.
	Again, it's just weird, because this is like a local area account, West London.
	It's a bit broad, but...
	You know when you follow local news, you've mentioned this meme of like, oh my god, Swindon mentioned.
	Yeah.
	That everyone from that little town is excited.
	I just keep finding these things, chatting through this account.
	So as you can see, they're fighting here with the police because religious time.
	Here's the new bus stops.
	Let's take a look at that.
	Do you notice what's different?
	Chairs.
	They have chairs.
	Why do they have chairs?
	They don't have a rail to sit on.
	Why not?
	Riddle me this, I don't know.
	Oh, okay, I thought you had an answer.
	Hang on, nothing.
	I like the guy writing, why the F do we have chairs, bruv?
	City people, to me, are a curiosity.
	We study them, we don't know everything yet.
	But for people listening, we're looking at like, what is that?
	Like, old restaurant chairs.
	Yeah.
	That have been brought out to serve... Okay.
	Very Pakistani or subcontinental, not very here, just saying.
	I'm surprised they're being brought out.
	They probably would get stolen quite quickly, you'd think.
	You'd think, yeah.
	I mean, maybe they will be.
	Maybe they're not there anymore.
	But go and check if you're in Southall, I suppose.
	Wherever this is.
	But moving on.
	So, um, I wanted to mention that there's candidates for the elections, of course, coming up.
	You know the Workers' Party of Britain are standing?
	I do.
	Of course they are.
	In an area like this.
	Now here's the candidate, of course, is George Galloway, introducing Monty Passart, the caricature.
	Because he, of course, is a cricket fan.
	We all know the cricket fans.
	Very well.
	Anyway, so that's your candidate.
	There's also just the general weirdness of this place, I have to notice.
	This is a speed camera, which gives you a speeding ticket if you run too fast.
	Right.
	As you can see, well managed.
	Things work.
	No bugs in the system.
	All of it just works.
	People listening, we're just looking at a guy running, and he got two speeding tickets.
	Amazing.
	Does the law cover that?
	Put a license plate on your arse, I guess?
	That's a great idea.
	I ran past this speeding camera, and now I have a ticket from Sadiq Khan.
	What if you hate someone?
	Get a screwdriver, undo their plates, put the plate on your arse, run past the speed camera like 10 times, get their license banned.
	I don't think people do speed, run more than 20 miles an hour either.
	What, do you think the system is just that faulty?
	Yeah, I'm pretty sure Usain Bolt's like 15 miles an hour or something like that.
	Well, let us know in the comments.
	Yeah.
	But there's one more thing about city people that is just endless, which is crime, I suppose.
	This account... Really?
	I was spoilt for choice.
	Oh.
	With what to present.
	So this one is probably the, not funniest, but strangest, which is this guy breaks into the boot of a Mercedes and then just steals all the shopping.
	Oh.
	Which... I... I'd rather... I don't know.
	There's something really violating about that.
	You stole my shopping?
	But if it was robbed in the street, it'd be less annoying.
	Would it?
	I suppose.
	Do you know when you go shopping, and you get all your stuff and you shove it in your cart?
	I mean, that's sort of... I know it's not yours now, like, someone could come and steal it out of your shopping cart.
	But it's a special kind of evil to steal from someone else's shopping cart, right?
	It's gonna be such mundane stuff as well.
	That's what I mean, like, there's gonna be some clothes.
	Yeah.
	Like this dude stealing women's clothing.
	Okay.
	That's work for Biden.
	Not to mention, I suppose, the last curiosity.
	You mentioned COVID.
	Do you think it's over?
	No.
	Of course not.
	Here's this chap.
	The healthiest of health freaks walk amongst us.
	At least this guy in the city does.
	He's putting down newspaper on the seat.
	To be fair, it's probably not stupid.
	It's probably warranted.
	I would say maybe.
	Except he's also wearing a mask in the year of our Lord 2022.
	Wait, no, it's 2024.
	It makes even less sense, doesn't it?
	This was irrelevant a couple of years ago.
	I'm actually going to side with this guy.
	I don't think you can judge because you don't live in that environment.
	Maybe it feels necessary.
	I've been on the Elizabeth line, it's not... Maybe you've got a point.
	All right, let's end this off with something else, because that's the city, people.
	That seems to be a difference now.
	We no longer talked about bottles of water, but instead, you know, how much green coconut is.
	And there's another example that came to mind when making this.
	I think we'll enjoy it.
	We're going to watch this.
	This is some footage of an exciting thing.
	A zebra crossing.
	Is it zebra or pelican?
	I can't tell the difference.
	I think it might be both.
	I don't know, pelican...
	You don't even drive.
	No, but I should know.
	I can't remember.
	I've got a license that should know, I don't remember.
	But anyway.
	Anyway.
	Here we go.
	So this is a guy who's begging for money to do some research for his research paper because he wants to find out why this is happening.
	Really?
	A series of near misses of people not stopping to let other people cross, but instead just driving into them or almost hitting them.
	Tell me when you can notice the commonality.
	Not sure I'm allowed to notice commonality.
	No?
	Don't think so.
	Jesus Christ!
	You insist.
	Yeah, she's fine, don't worry.
	Everyone in this footage is fine by the end of it, but they've not had a good day, that's all.
	Yeah.
	But again, like, no care or attention for the most basic aspect of safety.
	That guy wasn't fine, that's why it stopped.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Just the law?
	Stopping.
	Just each other?
	Like, you all live in this area?
	What the hell's wrong with you?
	What are you doing?
	Jesus Christ, this is insufferable to watch.
	Yeah, I mean, there's something in an English aspect that just makes me really angry, like the queuing.
	Yeah, I mean, that guy's got... What the hell?
	Yeah.
	Looks like the last Englishman there.
	Yeah.
	Can we guess what it is?
	Should I name the town and then we'll find out?
	We'll all make the connection in our heads?
	It says Crossing Road to Bradford.
	Indeed it is Bradford.
	I'll just give you the number, there you are.
	6.2% for that particular error.
	Anyway, that's all.
	I just wanted to have a little chat about the city people, what they're up to, and the lack of queuing.
	What an adventure.
	Let's move on, shall we?
	Let's go to the homos.
	Or the lack of homos, even.
	The streets.
	Alrighty.
	Sorry, just moving that over.
	Have you got your mouse?
	Got it.
	Got it.
	All good.
	We're all on track.
	So.
	Fellas.
	Is it gay to be straight?
	Apparently so.
	According to Andrew Taitises, who says, sex is for making children.
	Any man who has sex with a woman because it feels good is gay.
	Oh, my pee pee feels good.
	This is great.
	You know, I think... This is good trolling, to be honest.
	I think he actually has a point.
	This is just good trolling.
	Truly.
	I think he actually has a point, though.
	If you chew on the other foot, if a woman pleasures herself in any way, is that gay?
	Yes.
	If it's not for kids.
	Yeah.
	So you've gone full, like, Catholic Church, masturbation is a crime.
	I think we should make normal, casual hookups gay.
	I think we should make straight sex gay again.
	So not forced homosexuality, but just if you have sex with a woman not for kids, you're a homo.
	Yeah.
	What if you don't conceive?
	Is that also gay?
	Well, if it's in the long-term goal, I think that's fine.
	You made an effort.
	Yeah, I think that's just about passing it.
	Also, if you're less, sorry, if you're 40 with less than five children, you're also gay.
	Turns out I was gay.
	Did you reach five?
	No, we got four, but when I was 39, I only had two children.
	Well, my own biological son.
	So yeah, I was gay, but I'm over 40 now, so I guess I'm not gay.
	No, but you don't have 5, so you're still 20% gay.
	40 with less than 5, so... I'm not 40, so I'm not gay.
	Yeah, that sounds gay.
	Anyway, what's the point of this?
	So, I think this is going to be the way that we crush liberalism.
	By rendering them all gay.
	By making everyone gay.
	I think that's the only way to make people straight.
	You know, you have to go through... The only way to make people straight, make them all gay.
	Because I don't think people realise how, for lack of a better word, degenerate everything has become in our mainstream culture, in our society, the way celebrities are going about it.
	Because I recently came across this off of Billie Eilish, who is a singer for all those who don't know.
	Yeah.
	Connor's waifu, yeah.
	Or maybe he'll think differently.
	Or maybe he'll stay the same after this, I'm not too sure.
	So apparently she has a PhD in masturbation.
	She should have one, she's saying.
	She should have one.
	Connor's just gonna go into his house, go into the Billie Eilish shrine and weep.
	And apparently she likes... I don't want to say this, it's so crass, but she likes doing it to herself in front of a mirror.
	And it's just like...
	That sounds pretty gay.
	Why are you announcing this?
	Like, gay?
	Narcissistic in the extreme and disgusting, but like... It's also same-sex, isn't it?
	Yeah, but that... But your hand is also a male hand.
	Yeah, masturbation's gay.
	Okay, right, right, right, okay.
	Well, she is, like, unironically gay.
	Okay, there we go.
	So she says she's been in love with girls her whole life and the way she found out about this is... So the direct quote is, I've been in love with girls my whole life but I didn't understand until last year when I realized I wanted a vagina in my face.
	Great.
	Do you remember like... That explains the mirror.
	Do you remember the push for, like, gay marriage for example, or it's sort of like relationships and you just imagine like two cute gay guys like holding hands in a park and you know like maybe that's like the propaganda towards this and now we've just got like this where it's just straight up sexual.
	Yeah.
	I can't believe it just turned into raw sexuality.
	Another headline off Lily Allen, another singer.
	I don't know why these are all women, but apparently she wanted to publicise that she wants to be buried with her phone to hide her dark porn habits.
	I don't know why people need to know this.
	I don't know why Lily Allen thinks anyone wants to know this.
	Is Lily Allen still around?
	I just remember her old songs.
	Like, the evil ones.
	The evil ones?
	Yeah, you never actually watch the... Like, listen to the lyrics in Lily Allen's songs and she's the most evil woman alive.
	What?
	Do you not know... I'm not listening.
	Do you know the song Make Me Smile?
	Yeah.
	That one.
	She is broken up with her boyfriend and then, like, pays some guys to come around to his house and destroy his records and everything because it makes her smile.
	They beat him up and she just is orchestrating his life to be absolutely awful just to cheer herself back up after dumping him.
	Yeah, she sounds pretty evil.
	Yeah.
	Anyway.
	To be honest with you, maybe we should bury her phone with her.
	But I don't want the world to know.
	But I think just generally this whole speaks to if we have this idea that there's no morality within sexuality, like there's no value system, then I think anything can just go.
	For example, there was this off Madonna.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to have to play this because the commentary is quite interesting.
	For once I'm on Piers Morgan's side because there's this like liberal guy who's like, oh, there's nothing wrong with it.
	And this was one of the things that they were Encouraged to witness on stage Madonna's, I think she's 70 yet?
	65.
	65 year old woman doing this, mother of many children obviously.
	Many of which she's adopted and wants to be a role model to.
	And she does this on stage.
	James Barr is the resident defender of the indefensible.
	This was your great-grandmother, which is probably about the right age.
	How would you feel about that?
	I'd be loving it.
	I'd be living.
	I'd be proud of her.
	I'd be telling her to get on OnlyFans.
	To be clear, you'd be proud of her?
	Yes!
	Get on OnlyFans, make me a million, buy me a house.
	Wow.
	It'd be great.
	Honestly, I don't understand your problem.
	She's not even being fingered here.
	She's wearing clothes.
	Sorry?
	She's wearing clothes, Piers!
	You know she's paying these people to do this.
	I mean, I could do that right now.
	Nothing's happening.
	Who is this gay man?
	It's a good thing we can't put this on YouTube, really, isn't it?
	She's not even being fingered.
	Oh, well, there we go.
	Surely there is something wrong with that, though.
	I'm not being crazy.
	Yeah?
	But what is actually wrong with that?
	From someone, like, how would you argue to this guy who says he would be fine if his grandma was on OnlyFans?
	Sure, there's a massive lack of dignity in it.
	Is it improper for your grandmother to be masturbating or be masturbated in public?
	To be honest, whoever that is, is probably just lying so they can get bookings on TV shows.
	Probably that simple.
	But I do, thinking about this, because it's a routine problem with celebrities who have become boring.
	They just decide, what if I go and do something hypersexual?
	That's the way of getting eyes on.
	You know how you go on Twitter and the responses are usually a lot of fake accounts going, you know, pussy and bio?
	That's how I see these celebrities at this point.
	I mean, people talked about when Madonna first did it, it was a lesbian cast to try and stay relevant back in the 2000s.
	But that's all these people are doing?
	Like, they're just trying to steal your eyeballs with the most... Yeah, the next crazy thing.
	Yeah.
	I think in Madonna's case as well, it's because, you know, she's old.
	Severe mental illness, maybe?
	No, no, she's never got over the fact that women age.
	Oh.
	Because she was a massive sex symbol in the 80s.
	Clearly never let that go.
	It's interesting how this sort of plays out with the average person though, because as society continues to get more sexualized, Zoomers are having less sex and they're getting into less relationships, less casual sex, that kind of stuff.
	Joining monasteries.
	Well, there was this recent controversy with, I can't read, it was Bumble, yeah, which is a dating app.
	And if I'm not mistaken, Bumble originally pitched itself as like this feminist dating app where the women could decide and the women could choose.
	As far as I understand it, the women had to message the men first.
	Yeah, I think they've scrapped that now.
	Yeah, they have.
	The only reason I know anything about it is because the other day they walked that back because apparently women don't like making the first move.
	Who'd have thought?
	Yeah, who could have known?
	And they've recently gotten into controversy because they've released this ad campaign against celibacy.
	I don't know.
	Okay, that's funny.
	The rising issue in the world is celibacy.
	Shinzo Abe sponsored this message.
	Have sex.
	Or maybe if the culture wasn't so phenomenally saturated in sex, sex might be interesting to people.
	Do you reckon that's what it is?
	I don't know.
	It's a tough one because we do have this Brave New World situation where it is literally everywhere and it's promoted.
	I don't know if you guys know off the TV show Sex Education or there's Euphoria, both of which have trans characters, both of which have under 18s having casual sex.
	It's the same for anything, right?
	Whenever something desirable becomes just saturated in your life, you just stop caring about it.
	It's really the same for anything.
	It's like weed now is becoming cringe and uncool.
	When I was a kid, weed was interesting because you weren't allowed it.
	It wasn't everywhere.
	What?
	It's just a different world to me.
	Yeah, I know, I know.
	But I've lived long enough to witness this happening.
	Trust me, it's because sex is everywhere and, you know, constantly Madonna's getting wanked off on the stage.
	Yeah, you know what?
	I think I might just go pick up the Bible.
	Maybe if our celibacy is an idea, you know, because it's just when you have like a chaste culture, sex becomes a lot more alluring and interesting.
	But what's interesting about now, it's just everywhere you go, you see constantly whether you want to or not, you know, against your will.
	So.
	I do wonder if there's more to it than that, because also if you think about, would you rather be alone in the forest with a bear or a man?
	You know, a lot of the women choose the bear, so I wonder if there is a fair aspect.
	I think that's feminists, just basically having a go at men.
	Do you reckon it's like a post-op rationalisation where they don't want anything to do with men, so they're like trying to like, oh, yeah, we're afraid of men.
	I think it's about control.
	I think they're saying, well, look, you know, we're afraid, generally, and so we'll choose the bear.
	And what about that man?
	How do you take that man?
	Well, actually, the bear chooses us.
	I don't know.
	We're bros.
	But, you know, they're obviously not choosing the bear.
	It's just about browbeating men because they feel afraid.
	It's like, yeah, OK, well, you know, you want a deliberation.
	Another example off the ad, thou shalt not give up on dating and becoming a nun.
	I don't actually know where this epidemic of women who are giving up dating has come from.
	Well, it's because, like you said, the Zoomers are just having fewer relationships with one another now.
	So, obviously, this is clearly translated to the dating app numbers, where they're like, well, hang on a second, why have we got this gradual decline of people using dating apps?
	I don't know if it's like a voluntary, I don't know if they're consciously thinking, oh I'm going to become a bald cell.
	No, no, I'm sure they're not.
	I'm sure they're not consciously thinking it.
	I'm sure they're just like, I just didn't want to because I didn't feel like it.
	Yeah, because I spoke to this normie girl, and she was like 26, and we were talking about relationships, and she was like, oh yeah, my last time I spoke to a guy in that way was like two years ago.
	I was like, two years ago?
	And I was like, what was wrong with it?
	She was like, he didn't like girls who wore fake tan.
	She didn't wear fake tan, but she was like, oh yeah, I don't like that he had an opinion on girls who wore fake tan.
	Clearly not husband material.
	What?
	I love it.
	She doesn't wear fake tan.
	Okay, fine.
	Well again, it's this idea that you can't have judgement on anything.
	But on the celebrity thing, there's this famous, prolific TikToker who commented on this- All the money that went into this terrible Bumble ad, and they could have paid one bitch with a brain $20 to tell them that was a bad idea, and you need to read the room.
	I don't think 2024 is the year of telling women, oh, I know you guys thought that this was what was good for you, but you silly girl, you don't know what's best.
	How could you think that?
	That's a very, like, 1940s propaganda-style act.
	I was gonna say, that's exactly my opinion.
	It's funny because Bumble has been doing this.
	That's exactly how I feel about these things.
	It's just interesting though.
	Look at her face!
	She looks so tired.
	She looks exhausted.
	Yeah.
	She's always like that and she's always like just whining about men and just the latest social justice issue.
	It's just like, you are clearly not a happy person.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And this is just all the kind of stuff that's on TikTok.
	Get an early night.
	Put down the porn.
	Don't take drugs.
	Eat some fresh food.
	Go outside.
	Join for a walk.
	I can tell people what to do.
	It's interesting that she relates it to the 1940s though, because one thing that you are allowed to judge and you are allowed to hate on is the nuclear family.
	The left have this idea that if you want to be a trad wife, if you want to go back to the 1950s, your husband is going to abuse you.
	There was a 100% abuse rate.
	I didn't want to, but you know.
	And it's interesting because they don't realise, like, that's your grandparents you're talking about, that's your ancestors, why do you hold them with such disregard?
	When your nan and grandad are sat on the sofa, you know, smiling, watching TV, being happy together, they're like, yeah, she's just nursing a black eye, I don't know what, like, you know, the hell's wrong with these people?
	So I wanted to go through some examples.
	I'm addicted to... I can't read that, I assume that's kind of drugged.
	I'm addicted to barbiturates.
	My parents put me in asylum because I was depressed.
	That's a good idea.
	I'm gay.
	I'm gay.
	I'm also gay and my teacher beats me for being left-handed.
	Is that how it was in the 1950s?
	I wasn't around in the 1950s, but I doubt it.
	100% of the male population were not homosexual.
	They weren't positive trans women.
	100% of the female population weren't asylum-bound, house-bound and beaten and drugged.
	Turns out people had nice lives and those lives are now...
	Gone.
	But this is all a part of the telos of progress, right?
	If the past was better than the present, then progress has failed and we're on the wrong side of history.
	Therefore, the past has to be bad, no matter what.
	I think that's made up bollocks as well.
	So, Endwokeness has tweeted this, being like, you know how there's this video evidence of people having a better life a few years ago?
	I think that's true.
	And this person is just drawing on it like a child.
	Literally fantasizing.
	In a textbook, just drawing knobs, where he's just writing down, this guy's a closeted trans woman.
	I doubt he was.
	I really doubt he was.
	What are you talking about, Matt?
	You don't see them smiles anymore, but it's interesting because... Ah, you would have died of polio, says the first commenter.
	No, not everyone died of polio.
	They just catastrophise so much, but it's funny because I'm a closeted trans woman, our parents beat us, so is he assuming that the trans woman beats?
	Weird self-report.
	No wonder the wife wants a divorce.
	But there has been a lot of talk about this, why young people having less sex, and in this article they go through a few examples.
	Where, so for example, while almost everyone I spoke to had a hinge downloaded on their phone, many of them said it was purely for mindless scrolling or the odd ego boost.
	I think that's very interesting because how it's just turned into another social media where you just scroll through the endless faces.
	I just want upvotes on my latest selfie.
	I also think it's incredibly sad.
	I've never been on a dating app because, like, imagine 20 years down the line when you have kids and your kid's like, Mom, how did you meet Dad through Hinge, through Tinder?
	I don't know, it's just not really a story, is it?
	Like, my dad met my mom at a fairground or something and, like, he, like, won the coconut or something and he gave her the coconut.
	Your mom's like, ooh!
	Yeah, like, that's such a cute story!
	Very grog brain.
	Ooh, coconut!
	Big husband, yeah!
	You could excite a woman with a piece of coconut.
	Compared to, oh I mess on Hinge.
	But again, another example of how it's scaremongering.
	It's women being risk averse.
	Did you know about Sarah Everard?
	It's just like, therefore I should hate all men?
	What are you talking about man?
	Do you think this is impacting how women- Wasn't Sarah Everard killed by the police officer?
	Yeah.
	So what's that got to do with a dating app?
	Oh, right, okay, nothing, right, okay, just checking.
	She was female?
	The Grindr killer.
	Ladies, I don't think he's going to be your problem.
	But I do wonder where this is actually coming from, because there is a lot of people saying, there is a lot of research around women who say that it is because they are afraid, because they choose the bear.
	So if it's not that, or maybe that's just a kind of cope, I do wonder what this is.
	There was this study that 45% of men aged 18 to 25 have never approached a woman in person.
	Jesus.
	Yeah.
	45%.
	That sounds about right though.
	God.
	That's the thing though, things have just changed in the last 20 years in an unpreparable way.
	Why is that the case?
	I think it's the cowardice of young men though.
	Um, no, it's a huge number of factors combining is my estimate, but it's... Like what?
	Well, it's the way culture has changed in all the minor ways.
	So, for example, I mean, one of the things the early MRAs talk about, which is still true, which is if you're a boy in the school system, you're taught as if you're a girl, because we no longer have sex segregated schools, so we mix the whole thing, and now the common denominator for the way we deal with disciplinaries, for example, on a minor level, is that boys are treated as girls and therefore have treatment that doesn't really match and doesn't work.
	Sure.
	And you get that in the messaging and everything else from beyond that that you basically you should be quiet suppress your feelings and and not really interact and if you do interact with a girl there's a very high chance there might be some kind of or at least it's paid out that there might be a high chance there's no sexual harassment suit or that you've done something wrong for doing this so people just disconnect they just go screw it why would you take the risk And then factor on every other change, never mind the technological change that's happened in the last 20 years.
	I mean, there's a reason if you look at dating graphs.
	What is it?
	People who met through their friends or through work just nosedives after the 2000s?
	I mean, it's just like the most wholesome way you could meet and instead it's just in the bin.
	Now vast majority of people meet online.
	It's like, okay, so why would you approach a woman?
	No one else is.
	People are just meeting online.
	That's that age group.
	I imagine the women don't know how to handle it either.
	I mean, when I was younger, you know, you'd go up to a woman and demonstrate intent, and she'd at least be able to know how to handle that, right?
	It's not something that never happens, so she's like, oh, I've got a boyfriend, whatever.
	But if you're like a young woman now, you say, oh God, what's happening?
	Why is this guy acting weird towards me?
	Probably.
	I don't know.
	Maybe.
	I don't know.
	I don't know either.
	You're a young woman.
	I don't know.
	Do men ever approach you?
	Yeah.
	Well, this is the kind of thing though, like when that does happen, I am like, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm a bit autistic and socially awkward, but I'm like, oh gosh, this is a bit awkward.
	But then I'm like, am I just, am I just being weird?
	You say that to them and you're like, oh gosh, this is awkward.
	Am I just being weird?
	I'd like to go out with you.
	Oh gosh, this is awkward.
	Nevermind.
	Problem solved.
	Situation escaped.
	Why are men not approaching women?
	Sorry.
	But overall, my general point towards this, because you see with someone like Pearly Things or, I don't know, like the Manosphere or Inner Cells in general, there's lots of emphasis on women, on what the women should do and how women are the issue, and I'm not saying women are blameless, I'm not saying men are blameless as well, but if there is this idea of a patriarchy and... Can we blame that instead?
	I think we need this idea of a patriarchy, not like an authoritarian patriarchy, but I think it would be useful.
	Return to arrange marriages.
	Well, if this is what the right-wingers, what the Manusphere are suggesting, then it needs to come from the men, then they need to approach women, I think.
	Because if we do want men to be leaders, then I think they do need to lead the conversation, they do need to lead the narrative when it comes to dating.
	I don't know what that'll look like.
	My only suggestion is making straight guys gay, I guess.
	Well, interesting policy proposal.
	How's it going to be enforced?
	Next one.
	Let's move on, I suppose.
	Yeah, okay.
	More homos.
	Yeah, well, that is true.
	Thank God I was never a Doctor Who fan, though.
	I tell you, I've never liked Doctor Who.
	However, my wife loves Doctor Who, or used to love Doctor Who, and now she hates Doctor Who because it went woke.
	And it's literally that simple.
	You liked Doctor Who as well.
	I did.
	I grew up with it.
	Yeah, well, you must be... Yeah, the same way.
	You must be very happy with how it's gone.
	Oh, I've completely checked out.
	Oh yeah, everyone has.
	We'll go through it.
	There's actually a really funny time capsule of a sort of segment because it's just bizarre hearing these things in the year of our Lord 2024.
	You would think that the things they're saying would, I mean, they would have been normal in like 2016.
	Really strange in 2020 and yet four years on they're still saying the same things.
	It's like, that's weird.
	But before we begin, if you'd like to come work for us and you're a production manager and you can work in London, do send us an email.
	Go to locies.com forward slash careers.
	So anyway, for anyone who doesn't know, oh sorry, we also got a 10% discount on the merch because the merch is going to be disappearing off the store and new things will be coming.
	So if there's anything you want, go get it now.
	So anyway, so anyone who doesn't know, in 2005, Doctor Who is a very old British series, began in the 60s, ran for like 15, 20 years or something, and then got rebooted in 2005 with David Tennant and then Matt Smith afterwards.
	Not even slightly true.
	Is that not true?
	No.
	No, I can't remember.
	Sorry.
	It was Christopher Eccleston.
	Oh, sorry, it was Christopher Eccleston, then it was David Tennant.
	Sorry, I forgot.
	I'm here for being the lore nerd.
	But the point is, it's not that it wasn't even slightly true, it's just I'd missed one section of it.
	Hang with David Tennant, sir.
	Remember the fandom you're dealing with, they're very pedantic about these things.
	Well, I don't care, I don't like them.
	I was trying to be sympathetic.
	All right.
	Well, that's out the window now.
	But the point is, these guys are really popular as Doctor Who.
	Like I said, I'm not a fan, but the numbers don't lie.
	And it was these two who really stood out as like the modern doctors in the minds of the fan base.
	So it seems.
	And if you look at the numbers on it, this blog has loads of numbers.
	Under David Tennant, you get about eight million people watching.
	David Tennant was golden era.
	It was also the case that Christa Elkiston was what, for one season and then it would move on per actor so keep it that way.
	But David Tennant was so bloody good and everyone loved him.
	They kept him I think for two or three.
	Three.
	And the same with I think it was Matt Smith.
	I think he got three as well because he was very popular.
	I hated him but never mind.
	Yeah, ironically, my wife is the other way around.
	She didn't really like David Tennant much, but likes Matt Smith a lot.
	But the point is, the fans generally seem to be happy with these guys being Doctor Who.
	And then, a few years ago, there was the female Doctor Who.
	This was where my wife really started getting angry at Doctor Who, actually.
	Didn't want a female Doctor Who.
	Was she a lesbian as well, or I just made that up?
	I don't know.
	Well, my wife or the doctor.
	I don't think my wife's a lesbian.
	The doctor, fake doctor, this fandom bullshit that is a woman doctor.
	I think she may have been actually.
	So there was a strong black... A woman doctor!
	There was a strong black woman in it as well.
	No, but there was these rumors that they were going to make a black disabled woman and everyone was laughing and then they were like, oh no, we just chose a woman doctor this time around.
	And it was, I mean, it already had some like cringe moments.
	Yeah.
	But then this was so blatantly just, we want woman.
	Why?
	Because, uh, well, intersectionality.
	That was it.
	There was no justification.
	They rewrote loads of the law for no good reason, which everyone just ignored and declared fan fiction.
	If you're a good, believing Doctor Who fan, not the Kufars.
	Yep.
	And, uh, and this, but this, this didn't do terribly.
	I mean, on average, these episodes get 5.4 million viewers, which is not, it's not terrible.
	That's what it's getting.
	Yeah, okay, not quite.
	It's a downward curve.
	It was.
	A pretty sharp downward curve.
	Yeah, but when you average that out... Yeah, she starts off with, oh, Doctor Who?
	Wait, what the hell is this?
	I'm not watching this, this is crap!
	Yeah, and then Disney bought the streaming rights to Doctor Who.
	Oh, that could only make it better.
	That's only gonna make it better.
	I mean, look, just the headline and the picture really do sell it, don't they?
	You know, what does the Disney Plus deal mean?
	So, BBC still own it, Disney just have the rights to stream it.
	But you think, okay, well that's good for Doctor Who's audience share.
	I mean, Disney's a huge platform.
	Millions more people in America who have never even heard of Doctor Who are going to be exposed.
	This is still going to be on the BBC, so you would think the numbers are just going to go roaring up.
	This is like trying to make Warhammer 40,000 accessible to even the most casual of housewives.
	Yeah.
	The fandom of Doctor Who are a very peculiar kind of humans.
	Yes.
	Especially the American ones, because the British ones, at least as a cultural aspect, the American, like, tear boozer get into it.
	Very strange, very autistic, very much like weird law and rules and order.
	And when you decide you're going to make it for a mass audience, it means destroying all the rules and order and law, which makes the entire core group that you had as fans leave.
	Yes.
	But also I think Doctor Who was fine without being like a fandom as we know it in like the way we know it now.
	I remember my grandma always used to watching Doctor Who for example or like at Christmas you always used to put Doctor Who on like it was a staple of British culture and I think just selling it out to Disney kind of just ruined that.
	Yeah, Doctor Who is a British institution.
	I don't know how to pronounce his name.
	every christmas americans don't know what we're talking about yeah but that's that's ours no no that's totally true and so the uh the first uh black doctor as you can see oh of course uh is we've had a woman now black i don't know how to pronounce his name uh it's spelled n-c-u-t-i what nicuti N and C don't go together in English so I don't have a way of pronouncing it.
	Nakuti Gatwa.
	I think that's right.
	I don't know.
	He was in sex education as well.
	Yeah.
	As the gay guy.
	Yeah.
	Who sees Jesus.
	Who's a woman.
	I never want to hear of that show.
	I've only heard of it from your mouth and it sounds awful.
	He sees Jesus as a woman and then he's like I want to join the church but I'm conflicted and then he goes like in drag or something and yeah I don't know.
	I've no idea.
	And then he sleeps with his bully who is also gay but a closeted gay guy who then joins the army.
	Yeah it's just a mess.
	Everyone is gay thesis is really gaining strength.
	Except from the two main characters who are both straight and white.
	What about this doctor?
	Is he gay?
	Everyone around us is gay.
	But I'm not sure if the doctor himself is actually gay, but the actor obviously is.
	And so this becomes a big part of the character.
	But really, it's the fact that he's black that is the only thing they want to talk about.
	As you see, I was excited for the first black doctor in Doctor Who.
	I've already been left disappointed because the British public felt a nasty trolling with the social media hashtag RIP Doctor Who.
	Sorry, Mrs. Iftikita over here, upset that people didn't like The Black Doctor.
	London based.
	Yeah, undoubtedly actually, London based.
	It's like, right.
	So people didn't like it, but the London lovies loved it because he was black and he was replacing a white person.
	Certain portions of the British public fell to nasty trolling with social media hashtag RIP Dr. Who.
	It's like, right.
	So people didn't like it, but the London lovies loved it because he was black and he was replacing a white person.
	Understood.
	It's also just not the type of actor who would play Dr. Who compared to like...
	Like, it's not, like, his previous track record of sex education.
	A bit flamboyant, perhaps, should we say?
	Like, well, Doctor Who's usually quite a reserved character.
	David Tennant was kind of crazy, wasn't he?
	As a young boy, he was the guy you wanted to be.
	Like, he's magical, can do whatever he wants, always gets the girl, and can go travelling all over the place.
	Like, it's... I always viewed Doctor Who as an incel.
	Yeah, kind of, but the thing there was for the Lord Nerds, so he's not human, he's a different race, he's the Time Lords.
	So he always picks up 20 year old girls and then dumps them once they turn 21, because Leonardo DiCaprio rules.
	But he's always trying to get with them, but obviously he can't because they're different species, it would be wrong.
	Except he falls in love with Rose, which is the main... Aren't Time Lords, like, immortal or something?
	Uh, it's... Who knows at this point?
	They've rewritten that law like four billion times, so... Okay, but the point is, it's weird, and no one actually wants to be...
	Not anymore!
	She points out that the main gripe is that the gender-fluid fictional Time Lord has to be a white man and the show has been corrupted by modern-day wokeism.
	Obviously true, right?
	And so they read out a couple of Twitter comments, which are amazing.
	I remember being ecstatic at Mikuti's casting, but in a very kind of tranquil way.
	It was just a real world der moment, said long-term Doctor Who fan Chris Markham, 24.
	If Jodie Whittaker's casting, the first female actor to play the Doctor, has opened up the door, then Jo Martins has firmly wedged her foot into it.
	There's no closing it now.
	It was time.
	It was the current year, Callum.
	Can you not feel progress unfolding before you?
	So in North Korea, the DPRK, they have a system of time.
	Oh, do they?
	System of time is that... Is it measured on black time lords?
	No.
	The year begins with the birth of the founding father, Kim Il-sung.
	So the current year, I believe, is 113.
	I feel like to explain Britain and that mindset of it is time, you've got to start it in... 1948?
	No, when something happened in the 1990s and the rebirth of Britain becomes...
	Like that episode of The Crown where it's just everything swept away.
	Do you think they're going to put up a statue of Tony Blair when he dies?
	Probably.
	Get the North Koreans to make it.
	I don't want to be that big.
	Um, okay.
	So, so the series itself was not actually very well received.
	Season 14's opening scene is hard to watch if you're already a fan because apparently they just have, because they realize that, hang on a second, there are loads of Americans who have no idea what Doctor Who is.
	They say, the clunky conversation is packed full of expositional information about the origin of the Doctor, including his name, age, planet of origin, even how the TARDIS works.
	It's like, okay, so crap writers are like, right, we're just gonna exposition dump at the beginning and then surely everything's fine.
	We can get past that.
	But apparently the fans are like, well, no, What's going on here?
	The writing here seems terrible.
	And so I took to Twitter to look up some clips.
	I wasn't going to watch the damn thing.
	It's not getting my eyeballs.
	But I took to Twitter to have a look at it and I was like... Okay... This doesn't really look like Doctor Who.
	Because this is a musical.
	It's not watchable.
	They start singing.
	Yeah, the bad guys start to sing as well in one of the songs.
	Yeah, we'll get to that in a second.
	What am I watching?
	Like, is this an average Doctor Who episode?
	So the point of Doctor Who is you could explore the past and the future because you've got a time machine.
	You could have a dance.
	Like, David Tennant went back to Shakespeare.
	Looks like it's in the past.
	And there were ghosts and things, but you get to explore Shakespearean England.
	It wasn't me, me, me.
	It wasn't about the Doctor.
	It was about the places you went.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Also, just the cinematography doesn't look very British like the previous ones.
	It looks quite American, doesn't it?
	Just wink at the camera.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's weird, isn't it?
	Does Doctor Who break the fourth wall often?
	No, ever.
	Why would it?
	That would be stupid.
	Yep.
	But then you've got this, okay.
	Aren't there Daleks in Doctor Who?
	Like, what am I watching?
	I want the Cybermen as well.
	Like, okay, now we have Weird Person.
	Which, okay, fair enough, you know.
	That's fine.
	I couldn't tell you what's going on.
	As I said, I gave up, so I can't explain the law here.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But their pronouns are they, them?
	Of course they are.
	Yeah, of course.
	The villain uses they, them pronouns, which actually is... On brand.
	Yeah.
	Look, I'm them.
	You're who?
	I'm them.
	Good to know.
	Yes.
	Villains identify themselves by using they, them pronouns.
	Bring your child there.
	And so obviously people are like, well, hang on a second.
	I just have to assume that they're just trolling their own audience at this point.
	This is a great comment.
	The audience has been completely pruned away and all that's left is a small chunk of hyperworked activist audience that loathes the normies with passion.
	And it really seems that that is the case.
	I'm really having trouble not believing that's the case.
	Because when people are like, hang on a second, this is crap and you seem to be making it all about yourselves, the actor's response is, why don't you just piss off and watch something else then?
	Yeah.
	So, I mean, Russell T. Davis, the fella mentioned there, I think he was the showrunner for a while, he's a complete lunatic.
	I believe it.
	When it comes to politics, he's actually mental off the spectrum, intersectional.
	I believe it.
	And the idea that what has happened is that these people have been brought in more and more and the actual people who can make things have been, you know, leaving or cast out.
	That's true.
	That just seems to be the case.
	Well, I mean, literally, when Nakuti Gatwa was asked about this, they say his message to Naysayers is simple.
	Don't watch.
	Turn off the TV.
	Go and touch grass, please, for God's sake.
	Indeed, you are correct.
	But maybe you should do the same, Mr. Davis.
	But that's OK.
	I mean, people will take that advice if you're producing some... Do you remember the Xbox?
	If you don't like the new Xbox and you can't always be online, just don't buy it.
	I suppose I won't.
	Good advice, I'll take that.
	What I love about this though, how long for this new era of Doctor Who?
	How long will it last?
	Gatwood says he's not going anywhere soon.
	And Davies says... How long till we get it back?
	Davies adds that he's already making plans beyond the initial two season order.
	No matter where this foray into the Who-niverse goes... No matter how low the viewing figures go, I will keep running this train.
	That's exactly, exactly what's happening.
	Davies is sure of one thing, in Gatwood a star has been born.
	So it's not about...
	Your thing.
	They're wearing it as a skin suit, right?
	It is the vehicle for this Nakuti Gatwa guy to become famous and popular with the culture around him.
	And so, yeah, I mean, the media is like, yeah, no, that's a great point.
	This is all about him.
	It's not about you evil straight white men who like Doctor Who.
	And in the year of our Lord, 2024.
	Oh, the same lady.
	Metro Who, yeah, the same lady.
	Sorry, straight white men, Doctor Who was just never made for you.
	Sort of entirely made for that demographic.
	I mean... Nerdy straight white men.
	It's just remarkable that, again, like, after all this time, they're like, yeah, we'll just print that and nothing bad will happen.
	That's normal.
	That's what people do.
	Straight white men, Doctor Who was never made for just for you.
	OK, yeah, good point.
	She... Made the show.
	Sorry?
	I think played the character.
	Forever, until you people came along.
	Who brought all the silly little toys?
	When she was watching Doctor Who as a kid, because she was a long time fan of Doctor Who apparently, what kind of Doctor was she watching?
	Straight white man.
	Ah, interesting.
	But she does say, not everyone was as excited by such an unapologetically queer black Doctor There was a vocal contingent of keyboard warriors who took to social media to claim the show had gone too woke.
	Really?
	Oh, retarded.
	But I'd argue the show has always been socially progressive and inclusive.
	For a show so versatile, it's truly baffling that a non-straight, non-white doctor feels so unbelievable for many people.
	When queer as folk creator, Russell T Davies, you see the problem.
	Yeah, right.
	Queer folk creator.
	Queer as folk.
	So it's a TV show about gays.
	No, but she's trying to say the F word.
	She's saying folk as in folklore.
	Like, are they making up their own folklore now that the queers have always been here?
	No, no, no.
	Like occupiers?
	No, no.
	Queer as Folk is a TV show.
	Oh, right, right.
	T. Davis made it.
	Sorry.
	But he brought back Dot Who in 2005, and it was clear from the get-go that this was a show for all the outcasts in society.
	Alongside the steady drip of LGBTQ plus side characters, in 2008, Freema Agyeman made history as the first full-time black female companion, Martha Jones.
	Can we talk about the LGBT character?
	Be my guest.
	Do you know who that is?
	No.
	Captain Jack Harkness, at your service.
	He's a man from the 27th century or something like that.
	And humanity has spread among the stars.
	And everyone's gay.
	No, the running theme of Captain is not just that he's a gay.
	It is literally said by the Doctor that humanity spread among the stars, as in, had sex with everything that moved.
	The Captain even tries to have sex with a bug person at one point in the show, and it's just a running joke about the fact that humans became complete sexual degenerates, and it's disgusting that Captain is like this.
	But you've got to deal with it because he's from a different time.
	Right.
	That's the LGBT character they're thinking of.
	Literally, the show writers wrote him as like, yeah, he'll even have sex with animals.
	That's who Captain Jack Harness is.
	Well, it's representation.
	I guess so.
	I wouldn't have claimed it was an LGBT character, but he did, I guess.
	But since the early reboot days, the woke momentum has only picked up, and with it, the accuracy of representation.
	I didn't write this article, I don't agree that this is accuracy and representation.
	Fake fan, tourist.
	Yeah, if anything though, Callum, I know what you're thinking next.
	There is still a long way to go to make Doctor Who diverse, both in front of and behind the camera.
	See, we've still got a long way to go.
	What are we going to do?
	But it's the same goddamn thing every single time.
	Sorry, but we have a hyper gay black guy, where do we go from here?
	No, no, no, because there are other characters who aren't hyper gay black guys.
	The director isn't a hyper gay black guy.
	Listen to what she's saying.
	We've got a long way to go to make Doctor Who diverse.
	Both in front of and behind the camera.
	So like the vault from Fallout with the Garys.
	The character is the same type of gay black guy!
	The staff are all hyper gay black guys and then the audience will all be Gary clones of the hyper gay black guy.
	I just find it remarkable that, again, after all of this time they're still making exactly the same argument they were making in 2014.
	It's really embarrassing the lack of intellect and verve that these people have.
	But she says, in the words of Nacuti himself, Doctor Who matters for people of colour, for marginalised people who really gravitate towards the show because it's about friendship, it's about adventure and union and unity.
	Should we poll black people?
	People of color.
	Should we go down to like, you know, the, well, where was the, uh, the, the people getting on the bus just there.
	How do you feel about Dr. Who?
	You don't want to ask Indians about black people?
	Well no, about Doctor Who.
	Do you feel that Doctor Who is an important cultural touchstone for you?
	I've never heard of it.
	Chooka-hey!
	Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?
	But she ends it with saying, if someone has a problem with that, they know where the door is.
	That's right, we're back to the, Warhammer is for everyone, therefore piss off.
	It's like, that's a good message.
	There was a lot of backlash to this, and the backlash apparently got so intense on Twitter, that they deleted their account, Like over Doctor Who?
	What?
	Metro's not a small thing either.
	No, it was 350,000 followers, something like that.
	What?
	I'm never going to say another bad word about Elon Musk.
	I know, right?
	And the woman who wrote it privated her account because, like, why wouldn't you?
	She her?
	Yeah, obviously.
	And so I thought we'd just go on to say, OK, well, they got very woke.
	Did they go broke?
	Well, it turns out that Yes.
	So they went from 8 million plus viewers to 5.4 million viewers, and this episode number two came out and got 2.4 million, even with the massively expanded potential audience that Disney Plus has.
	And this is in combination, UK and Disney Plus and elsewhere.
	You lost 75% of your audience.
	Yes.
	But you literally told them to go away.
	75% of Doctor Who fans gone.
	Yeah.
	Forever.
	Not coming back.
	Yeah.
	So, Nakuti has thoughts on this.
	Those Doctor Who fans who aren't watching, well, just feel sad for you, really.
	I feel sad for you for not liking Doctor Who.
	I find it fascinating that it matters so much to these people.
	You're going to limit yourselves from a show that you claim to love because you don't like something about someone's appearance or their race.
	It's just really sad for them.
	It's tricky because you want to celebrate the win for inclusion and you do celebrate the win because it signifies progress.
	See, progress is just more queer black people in everything, all the time, everywhere.
	You know how the Tories have that zero seats policy?
	Yes.
	Zero views.
	Yes.
	Dog 2, zero viewers.
	But let's not stop here.
	There's lots to go around, and this should have happened a little while ago as well.
	It's the current year, and it was the current year last year.
	We should have had 100% trans, queer, black, diverse, gay characters then, but now's now, so we can have them now.
	And tomorrow, it'll be even queerer and diverser and gayer.
	But, Not all ends well with Doctor Who.
	Because of course, if we're following the narrative of progress, this has been a roaring success, right?
	We have diversified Doctor Who.
	We have taken something off of the whites.
	We've taken it for the browns.
	We've diversified Doctor Who.
	It couldn't be any more progressive, which is why Nicuti is now leaving.
	April 1st?
	That's suspicious now.
	coming back apparently according to dr who tv.co.uk april 1st possibly not suspicious now although the thing is i saw this around in a lot of other places okay so like i should have got one of the news articles up but um allegedly um he's not going to be coming back but good point i'm I didn't notice that it was April 1st.
	We'll leave that.
	Um, maybe it's not, but let's be fair.
	I mean, it couldn't get much worse.
	You've lost three quarters of your audience and all you can do now is tell them, well, you're just bad people.
	Progress.
	We're winning.
	Yeah, look, you've made lots of progress.
	You're down 75% of the audience.
	We can hit minus 90 by this evening if you work really hard.
	And then zero views.
	But the thing is, again, going back to it, it just looks atrocious, man.
	It just looks really bad.
	And I'm just glad I was never a Doctor Who fan.
	I mean, I've had to watch more than enough franchises that I like turn to absolute crap.
	It does look like something on Disney+.
	Like, for children.
	There's a great point, it does.
	The aesthetic's gone.
	What's with the musical?
	That does not look like Doctor Who.
	No.
	But anyway, bad luck Doctor Who fans, and good luck for progress.
	Well, let's move on.
	Let's go to the video comments.
	I'm afraid Hamza the Whiney's Hugh Height attack is proving to be too powerful for you.
	Wait!
	Wait!
	If you do not turn this around soon, you will all be dead.
	He is too powerful.
	It's useless.
	We're done for.
	Relax, boys.
	I still have my special attack.
	Callum, no!
	God forbids it!
	You do know what that would mean, right?
	I know what it means.
	I'm ready.
	Callum, you don't have to do this.
	Allahu Akbar.
	Hamza is defeated.
	However, Callum, you are now dead.
	Well on that note, time to end the show.
	So if you'd like more, do.
	If not, no.
	bye yeah the ultimate weapon against the Muslim world is their own weapons let's move on so this isn't a flower Friday but I do have some indoor plants I started to keep starting about half a year ago and And I'm having a hard time and I want to leave a video comment.
	So let's do something fun, which is my pitcher plant I am proud of.
	I don't really know what I'm doing with it, but it seems to be working quite well.
	Found out that they're actually indigenous to North America, I guess, which confused me.
	But anyway, yeah, this one is named Victory Bell and I love him.
	Very nice.
	Another plant?
	I don't know anything about plants.
	I just... I don't get gardening so I'm not going to say anything because I'll just say something stupid probably.
	Yeah, I don't garden at all.
	My dad's a gardener.
	I don't know anything about plants.
	Alright, let's move on.
	With the talk of demonic Eurovision winners, I'm surprised the 2006 winner wasn't mentioned yesterday.
	They're called Lordi.
	L-O-R-D-I.
	I mean, sure, they're demonic, but look at the effort they put into their costumes.
	Their songs are kind of catchy, and they have a sense of humor about their whole shtick.
	Back in my day, the demons actually looked like demons.
	I get the feeling that it's more a sort of Scandinavian thing.
	I think the Americans don't understand Scandinavians.
	So do you know what we're talking about there?
	Yeah, they had the queer demon.
	It was an Irish entry?
	Yeah, I know.
	He's absolutely right though, there's a big difference there between the Irish entry and this one, because this one...
	The sense of humor thing, there's an obvious... It's a kind of self-parody.
	But I don't have to put it into words, because he's right on the costumes as well.
	The detail there is a hobby.
	It's a sincere hobby that's not about worshipping Satan.
	And the other demon from Ireland was just a demon.
	I mean, it was just, how do I do something awful, which isn't some lads making music.
	That's just you being awful.
	You see the picture of her before she transformed.
	It's gorgeous.
	Genuine, like, like she's a very very beautiful young woman and look what she's done to herself you seen it yeah you know what we're talking about all right otherwise we'd have to load it up because it is it is just terrible yeah we want to the next one already well on that note um we have an announcement to make before i go to the video comments uh which is i'm leaving
	see if i ever become a billionaire that's what i'm doing like i'm
	I'm preparing my funeral in advance, putting a few mill aside so we can do it.
	You know, we were talking about what happens if you become a billionaire, like if you get 10 billion or whatever.
	Yeah.
	And we spoke about the fact that Elon Musk hasn't even started building his pyramid.
	He's building a pyramid?
	Nobody should.
	If I think of the pharaohs, like years in advance you start building your pyramid.
	If you're a modern billionaire, you've got plenty for a much bigger pyramid.
	Yeah.
	But they just don't do it.
	Is the goal in life to have a pyramid?
	What is if you're a billionaire?
	You don't think about these things?
	What are you going to do?
	Not have a pyramid?
	I'd have a giant one.
	Why not?
	I'll tweet him.
	Elon, you haven't even started building your pyramid yet.
	How will you take your slaves to the afterlife?
	You know, you've got to take them.
	Anyway.
	Thank you.
	Let's move on.
	Okay, this is The Endless Procession.
	Apparently more in Peter Sender 2 versions, I suppose.
	This is my YouTube channel.
	This is where I've been doing stuff for funsies, and will continue to do stuff for funsies.
	So if you like funsies, come and have a look.
	I don't know the lyrics at this point.
	I don't know any of this.
	That's literally them saying I think the song is um We love the dear leader.
	Uh, no.
	Well, of course, but we will follow you for 10,000 years is the name of that song, I believe.
	Unless I'm getting it confused.
	Yeah.
	It's, um, the DPRK is a different world.
	Oh yeah.
	Let's go to the next one.
	No, we don't have any more.
	Right, in which case, we'll go to the written comments.
	Generica says, salute to you Callum.
	I will always remember not knowing what day it is because of you.
	You did your duty and you'll be missed dearly.
	I hope you come back for guest appearances every once in a while to let us all know how the world is still turning.
	You can come back, visit.
	Yeah, if things are right.
	I don't know if you noticed the sub chat.
	Yeah, super chat there.
	I have not, but the Shadow Band says, this is for the North Korean pop music intro song.
	Thanks a lot.
	Do they have intellectual property in North Korea?
	partners it's copyright free yeah do they have intellectual property in north korea why do you think i use it my videos good point they're really missing a trick there don't tell them speakers corner josh said I'm from Bolton, don't go near Bolton.
	Carl and Callum laughing together.
	I hope you'll be back for the occasional visit, Callum.
	I wish you success in your future endeavors.
	If you're ever in Golders Green, bagels on me.
	Caroline says, all the best on your travels, Callum.
	If your tours of the Third World chitholes takes you anywhere near Bolton, I'll make you a brew in some bickies.
	I mean, it probably will, won't it?
	I'm from Bolton.
	Don't go near Bolton.
	What, you left in there?
	Swindon's suddenly sounding pretty good.
	Callum, before you leave, says Biggie Bigfoot, but could you at least admit that Bigfoot is plausible?
	It's possible.
	Ha ha!
	I never said it was an impossible, I just said it was... He believes, got him.
	That Texas gal says you'll be missed Callum, you're my favourite little orc.
	Aww.
	Steve says, San Sigo Callum, all the best for the future, looking forward to see what adventures you get up to on Britannica.
	Roman Observer says, so when Calum says he's going to fill more zones for his own YouTube channel, he means going to London.
	Mr. Flibble says, sorry to hear you're leaving, won't be the same, but good luck with future endeavors.
	Caroline says, when it comes to the city people, was there more outrage over Philip Schofield cutting the queue when the Queen died than anything else he did?
	Yeah.
	What else was it that Philip Schofield apparently did?
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Sorry, I didn't hear the whole question.
	Philip Schofield created more outrage by cutting a queue at the Queen's funeral than by anything else that he did.
	Oh yeah, so the allegation is that he started a relationship when he was married to a woman with an underage boy.
	And I'd have to say allegation because I can't remember if that was true.
	Yeah, I can't remember either.
	But the point is, yes, people were more pissed off that he cut the queue to see the Queen.
	And everyone loved David Beckham for standing in the queue.
	That's the issue we have to do.
	Just stand in a queue.
	It's the right thing to do.
	He is also right that it's weird that if you allegedly nonced a young boy, that's just not a bigger deal.
	Queuing though... I'm not going to carry on with that.
	Violating the queue is something that everyone just agrees on.
	I suppose the Philip Schofield thing as well I'd want to agree on.
	I don't know where I'm going with this.
	Court?
	Allegedly.
	Allegedly, Philip.
	Yeah, there's no proof.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I don't remember that.
	I don't know.
	I mean, they're both equally bad, really.
	I think the judge will agree to that.
	Yeah.
	I can't think of much worse.
	Amy Kojo says, the ability's cures will separate civilization from savagery.
	Correct.
	Yeah, that's the thing.
	The Americans, they do cue, but you can tell that it's not in their hearts.
	It's unnatural.
	Yeah, and they do it because they have to.
	Because I get the feeling a lot of it's like, I don't want to give it to the British.
	is the rest yeah that's the thing the americans they do cue but you can tell that it's not in their hearts unnatural yeah and they do it because they have to because i i get the feeling a lot of it's like i don't want to give it to the british they're right about this queuing thing he's right So I saw a post the other day, apparently Japanese trains, you know when a train pulls up here and you just get on?
	Very, very few people book a seat, right?
	Yeah.
	So apparently on Japanese trains you get assigned a seat.
	Really?
	So you know what carriage you're going to and there's little notes on the floor saying which carriage it is.
	So you go and line up at the entrances, you just get like 10 different lines instead of all of us just rushing in as much as we can.
	I think I'd prefer that.
	Exactly, it means everyone gets a seat.
	It is a bit more formalized, you are right.
	It's authoritarian.
	We queue naturally with our freedom.
	Yeah, but we also don't have seats on trains.
	That's just because of demand.
	You can make this argument.
	Thomas says, I used to work in Bradford in a traffic queue.
	I once saw a boy no older than 15 driving a minivan through three red lights, around several stationary cars in front of it, right at the kerb one point, with seven other boys in the back.
	Okay.
	Not going to Bradford.
	Chris says, that bus is a disgrace for somewhere in Britain.
	Oh wait, my mistake, it's London, so not Britain.
	Thomas says, Michael Malice explained the lack of decorum on queuing in Russia and the USSR.
	If you queued, you wouldn't get the thing you were queuing for.
	Yeah, that's probably true.
	And that's probably why they're trying to break onto the bus.
	Just like, look, if I don't, then, you know, Callum's Iceland lasagna that he's thinking about right now says, I was at Dyrdal Door back in February.
	It was very beautiful and there was just me and a few families enjoying the view and some sunshine.
	Then some Indian guys turned up at the speaker and started blasting Punjabi music.
	Average day in England.
	That's another thing, man.
	It's the noise in public.
	There's no consideration for anyone else.
	It really annoys me.
	Why don't they understand headphones?
	And another thing, walking around with the phone on, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	You should put that on merch.
	Why don't they understand headphones?
	Just wear that on the tube.
	Just see what happens.
	I just hate the noise.
	It's just like, you know, I'm just going to yell into my head.
	It's like, yeah, no, you won't have to yell because you're making so much goddamn noise.
	It's insufferable.
	They just listen to very loud music and yeah, it's not very nice.
	So we had a store around the side here which was Closing Down.
	So they had a speaker and they recorded a message and they just had it playing 24-7 and it was Closing Down sale, Closing Down sale.
	So you know that.
	So when I was in Afghanistan, every store does that.
	I presume it's the same in Pakistan and India because it's just the same place, right?
	And their culture is that you just push your cart along whatever you're selling with a megaphone just going ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
	This is in Pashto, I don't remember.
	But when I was in Southall, we didn't get to the clip, there's a bit in there where I'm walking past a place that's selling ice cream, but they're speaking English, but in such a thick accent, that it's, green coconut, cherry coconut, two pound, two pound, two pound.
	And I just want to rattle them, because you're so right, it's the imposition on you, that having this stuff shouted at you, nevermind the foreign accent, nevermind if it's even a foreign language.
	It's, no, no, you shout two for a fiver with your own voice box, and you shut up.
	That's how sailing should be done.
	Baystapes says, I'm sorry, did I just hear a modern lefty woman claim that women in the past were drugged up for depression?
	Don't make me get the chart out, and that's a great point.
	Like, what percentage of women in America take antidepressant drugs?
	Omar says, when even younger creators earn a pittance in exchange for their dignity, I don't think only Grounds is going to pay for your house in the current year markets.
	Imagine being willing to sell your Grounds body for money.
	I tell you, it's about dignity, man.
	I'm not sure that's... I'm not sure it's a direct effect of feminism.
	It's probably like a secondary or tertiary effect of it.
	it's more risky than boarding a bus in the south wall and getting a roof seat i don't i'm not sure that's i'm not sure it's a direct effect of feminism it's probably like a secondary tertiary effect that i think i do think it's something else i also don't think the way because you know how women are like oh yeah i'm worried to go out with a guy in case he's like a I think men think about women making false accusations the same way.
	The majority of women are fine.
	They're probably a bit socially awkward because of technology or whatever, but they're probably fine.
	They have no malice towards the opposite gender.
	But again, it's just that small percentage bringing that narrative.
	I saw a post the other day that's very crude but it's very true.
	Some woman posting about how... Oh, guys always post about how quirky and depressed they are and it's just like... We're all so autistic and horny, let's just hang out!
	Yeah, yeah, I saw that as well.
	And they're a constant.
	A vast majority, yeah.
	There are loads of TikToks I see going around of women going, why don't men approach us anymore?
	You know, because I think there are some women who feel flattered when men approach them and like think, oh, you know, brightens up my day.
	Some guy found me attractive.
	I feel better about myself, blah, blah, blah.
	And so these women are like, why don't men ever approach us anymore?
	It's like, well, I don't know.
	Maybe you can ask feminists why.
	I do wonder if it's uniquely cultural here, because I've heard in foreign lands that they do things different.
	And one of the ones I read was a bunch of women who moved to Sweden, and they were British.
	And they found dating incredibly difficult.
	They didn't understand.
	They would go all the time and just never get asked out.
	And then they were told, no, no, no, in Sweden, women make the first move.
	That's just how it is.
	So I do wonder what the right way is to do this.
	Explains Swedish men, doesn't it?
	Yeah, I mean, they're kind of...
	I guess that's where we're going.
	To be honest with you, my wife, like, got her friend to run over with her number for me.
	Yeah?
	Yeah, yeah, she saw me and she was just like, obviously took a shine to me or whatever.
	Kind of cutesy as well, isn't it?
	Yeah, yeah, but I had to phone her and then, like, it's kind of like that.
	Hey, bitch.
	Say that!
	This is back when you were the Don, you know?
	I didn't mean to insult her!
	I quite like this, she's a good looking girl.
	OPHUK, I'm not saying it, sends a soup chat saying, there should be some mystery to what happens between a man and a woman when a 13 year old can look up hardcore Albanian barbed wire horror porn on the internet.
	There's something being lost.
	Yeah, there's probably something true to that, isn't there?
	Yeah, this is...
	This is my view.
	Arizona Desert Rat says, Yeah, that's the point of women just being like, oh god, this is awkward.
	It's like, oh no, I said that out loud.
	Oh no, I think I've ruined my chances.
	Yeah, just in general as well, I was out with a group of new friends.
	being like, oh god, this is awkward.
	It's like, oh no, I said that out loud.
	Oh no, I think I've ruined my chances.
	Yeah, just in general as well, I was out with a group of new friends.
	I have friends.
	Who, um...
	They were...
	Are you bragging to the big children? - No, it was obviously just like, wow, I have friends.
	Continue, continue.
	We're at the pub, and they were really panicking because there was no QR code on the menu.
	Why would there be a QR code on the menu?
	Oh, it's an order.
	Yeah, it's an order.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	And, like, they just, like, an NPC, like, you know, what do I do?
	Like a sim.
	Yeah, and I was like, shall we go to the bar?
	We'll find a website.
	And then we spent, like, ten minutes trying to find a website that didn't work.
	I was like, let's just go to the bar.
	Zoomers, I have some advice for you.
	Just smile at people.
	If you literally just smile at the person, then actually, no matter what the problem is, they'll react positively to you, and they'll help you out.
	Not even joking.
	That's the secret of life.
	Young people used to talk about being alpha and that kind of stuff.
	I love the idea that to be an alpha in the modern day is just to be able to communicate.
	That's enough.
	Nothing special.
	Just can you order at the bar?
	And suddenly you're like the group leader.
	Oceanicals says, Freud called it psychic impotence.
	Psychological term is, funnily enough, the Madonna whore complex.
	Uh, Warlord Wu Tu Tai says, let's see some context.
	We're having a field day with just the same thing.
	Uh, Eric says, Me Too has completely killed the dating market because men are terrified to have a bad date and potential false allegations ruin their life.
	I'm so glad I'm married.
	I'm so glad this is just none of my problem.
	I just can't even imagine the stress of dating.
	Um, I just can't get off how fast it is.
	I think for all of human history, from year zero to about 1970 for us, the rates and divorce rates, it's pretty much constant.
	All of human interaction in regards to sexual relations.
	Right up until the birth control pill.
	Yeah, birth control pill introduced and no full divorce for the UK, things start to get a bit wacky.
	Like, there's differences in fertility rate and whatnot, right?
	Even though the wealth is the same.
	And then you get to the 2000s and just, like, technology, everything else just completely collapses all systems of relationships that existed before.
	And now it's just a completely different paradise.
	Paradise?
	Paradigm?
	Depending on your viewpoint.
	I don't think it's a paradise.
	I was making allowances for the fuckboys.
	Derek says, being gay was once considered the love that dare not speak its name.
	That was the love that cannot shut the fuck up.
	Good point.
	I mean, that's true.
	Gotta hear about it all the time, man.
	I'm so happy.
	Ann says, pushing sex all the time has resulted in people not having sex until they're older, which is what you see now.
	Gen Zed is known for little sex, drinking, and instead spending time on screens alone.
	Yeah, you are the lamest generation.
	Just saying.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I'm pro the not drinking too much thing.
	Lame.
	Utterly lame.
	Oh, man.
	I hate alcoholism.
	No, you're not going to be cool.
	Afghan changed me.
	I'm just saying you're lame.
	Alexander says casual sex is spiritually homosexual.
	Sex is for marriage.
	Actually good tate from tate, even if stated in a stupid way.
	I'm sure that he was absolutely trolling.
	But Northblood says I'm with Karl because it was scarce and you had to put effort into it.
	uh did make it more interesting the amount of work you had to put in just to see some boob made you want to do it but now because online everyone can buy the cow what everyone it's everywhere why buy the cow when you get them up for free um yeah but the thing is i genuinely think that's the case i genuinely think that i mean there was a tweet that went around everywhere there's some woman going men did great things and it's harder to see boobs totally true totally true
	i was talking to the other day i was talking to michael and we were saying that um came to the subject of women and we were talking about the fact that in afghanistan michael specialist subject I got a load of comments on the Afghan video being like, why are there no women in this video?
	You know, it was really revealing to see by the end of it, there were no women.
	And I had to explain... Bloody Afghanistan, what can I do about it?
	Yeah, but it's also, it would be wrong because the only reason to talk to a woman there is to ask her for marriage or she's your mother or sister.
	But then I was thinking about it and I was like, That was pretty nice though.
	No women means no distractions from a male perspective.
	And this is why I think all boys' schools are probably the way to have education because you just focus.
	Sure, there are a couple of people who turn gay, which is a different problem at boys' schools, but not having any women around.
	We would just focus on the project.
	We'd focus on where we're going or whatever.
	And then when we did see a woman on Independence Day wearing an abaya where you could see the outline of her ass.
	Did you recoil like a vampire eating garlic?
	Almost.
	It was like, what the hell is that?
	I told you Mohammed next to us, the taxi driver, his nafcam went, oh my god!
	That was his voice, that was how he responded.
	Because he saw a woman in a burqa?
	In an abaya, so it's like the fabric covering her ass, so you can see that there was an ass there, rather than just being baggy.
	That's enough, after you've not seen women for a long time.
	I'm starting to think there might be a golden mean here.
	There probably is, but the extremes have benefits, is all I'm saying.
	Did you ask a single Afghan woman about that?
	I wasn't allowed to see them.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	Ross says, would you rather meet Madonna or a bear in a forest?
	A bear at least.
	Being eaten alive is quicker than the inevitable slow death from STDs from Madonna forcing a vagina into my face.
	Doctor Who gives a damn about the show anymore?
	Well, not three quarters of their own audience.
	Zuma Tiabu says the Doctor Who production team was considering changing the show's name.
	However, the name they wanted was already copyrighted by some 1992 space movie.
	I knew it would take you a second ago.
	I'll go and load that up for Jess.
	No, yeah, don't put it on the screen.
	And OPHUK has sent in a thing, but I couldn't see it.
	What Doctor Who needs is gay black Daleks, you bigots.
	Undoubtedly true.
	I'm just, I mean, does Doctor Who even have Daleks anymore?
	It's like the famous thing, defeated by stairs.
	Yeah, then they keep making up stuff for him.
	Oh no, we can't go up these stairs.
	That's the name of the TV show, just so you're aware.
	Is that a real thing?
	Yeah, you can watch it, it's on YouTube.
	It's actually not the worst thing in the world, but it is pretty silly.
	I'll send you a link.
	I think we're out of time now, though.
	Oh, are we?
	Well, if you want more, do go onto YouTube and type in... No, don't type that in!
	Yeah, this is my last show, so I'm going as well, just to let people know, so... Goodbye!
	We found Callum on the street corner this morning.
	He was shaking a little can, asking for money, and we were saying, come back in.
	That'll prostitution, so... Or both.
	That's true.
	Hello and welcome to the hospital of the Lotus Eaters.
	I'm joined today by patient Zero.
	I'm fine.
	I don't know what the fuss is about.
	He's coughing and sneezing in the corner, surrounded by medical aid and LucasAid.
	And our doctor Harry.
	Sorry.
	Sorry, you're working.
	I'm perfectly fine.
	Hello to Cedars.
	I'm joined by Eileen and Stelios.
	Hello.
	What are you doing?
	I'm ordering a rubber chicken.
	I have been told it's like finding diamonds in a cow's anus.
	It's impossible.
	No, it's really not.
	It's hay fever season and I'm not doing very well.
	It is quite warm in here actually and it's not just because of the animal magnetism that Callum and I have to one another.
	Although it might be a little bit to do with that.
	Yeah, you're even barefoot.
	Yeah.
	Why aren't you?
	Why are you?
	Because it's warm.
	With your bare hands?
	Could you kill 22 sheep?
	Could you kill one sheep with your bare hands?
	I killed a chicken once, but that's it, you just pull off the head.
	I mean, you're with a sheep.
	So, I mean, if he can kill more than me, I don't want to meet him.
	Just some other news.
	Things that just worked.
	My housing market in the UK.
	Absolutely beautiful.
	We can see here, good news zoomers.
	Finally, the fire sale has begun.
	House prices are down!
	0.1%.
	What?
	You'll be eating replacement meats within 20 years.
	Bugger off!
	Our taste for meat is endangering the planet.
	Oh, is it?
	That's terrible.
	Anyway, but the point being... I think I just lost my appetite.
	Whereas McDonald's is going to be doing a new advertising campaign showing two Muslim men making out with one another to try and sell burgers.
	We drew a Jew and a Muslim kissing.
	The thing is that a good royale with cheese can bring people together.
	That's going to be the newest advertising campaign, isn't it?
	It actually will be.
	It's going to be like the Israel-Palestine border.
	Two men shake hands and they bond and connect.
	There should be a sign of peace like this, if you do your hand like this, and there should be a burger inside, you know?
	The burger that connects the people.
	We make the logo with... You do that, and they do that, and you make the McDonald's M together.
	It's not massively obvious to me.
	If you like orange juice, get cucked by a black guy.
	He's got a chair with a missile launcher.
	Woah.
	All wheelchair people have missiles.
	With knockout darts.
	Woah, all wheelchair people are murderers.
	Woah.
	And then one of the parents of one of the people... It's crazy what the heat does to them in the summer, isn't it?
	French teens hate Jews.
	Not any other kind of teens, just French teens.
	People at the Telegraph are stumped as to how something happens.
	You know, we are very much the same species, we're the same people.
	It's just that something happened.
	Yes.
	Between then and now.
	The fact situation is actually kind.
	Stealing my catchphrase.
	Yes.
	Becoming a benevolent Negan.
	Yes.
	Is becoming a gypsy a bad financial decision?
	Don't judge me.
	You mother******.
	Bleep that.
	Joke's on you Callum, you're editing these so you're gonna have to bleep this out.
	Fine, we'll have some fun then.
	Alright, let's talk about this **** shall we?
	****ing nonsense.
	Oi, stop it.
	No, it's not, it's not a knee fetish.
	It is, it is, it is um...
	I think that's a good way of hiding it though.
	It's a good technique.
	Hello dear, I have a knee fetish.
	So if you'll just inspect your knees real quick, we'll head back to the room.
	Do you not feel richer now?
	I know.
	Did you ever get that?
	When I read about someone who's going through massive hunger and then I go and eat lunch, I feel so rich.
	I don't think... No, we've got to do more.
	I really want to get the point across that, yeah, he's not some kind of, like, perfect hero.
	Yeah.
	Motherless C-word from C-word, F-word off, keep moving, F-word off, you foreign C-word, F-you off, C-words, your mum, F your mum.
	Okay.
	It goes on.
	There's one thing that's kind of causing all of this.
	I'm just going to say, begins with I, rhymes with Timigration.
	The Irish?
	Yeah.
	I should have known.
	Are there roosters?
	I think cockfighting is still a thing.
	Is that legal?
	I don't know if it's legal, but I'm sure people do it.
	That's a cock, aren't we?
	We're talking about cocks.
	And roosters.
	When cocks are fighting, we're allowed to talk about cockfighting with cocks, aren't we?
	I'm talking about our roosters.
	Yeah, cocks.
	What?
	That's the name!
	Haven't cocks been banned in the UK?
	I don't know if cocks have been banned.
	You're still allowed to own cocks.
	I don't know if you're allowed to fight with your cock, though.
	You can't have your cocks fighting each other.
	That would be obscene.
	Because you look at, like, German politicians, or French or whatever, and it's like, you know, people look different, that's fine.
	Why is it?
	Why are British female politicians so horsey?
	All right, Schland joins the chat.
	The situation is already beyond buggered over here.
	Over 3.5 million in Germany alone.
	Sextus Verius Avitus Batianus.
	And he's...
	M-Batianus. Batianus. Batianus.
	Sorry about the children in the classroom, but that is funny.
	Sextus Batianus.
	Batianus, yeah.
	We made a memory, so that'd be a complete degenerate.
	This was a billion pounds!
	Sorry about that.
	Do you know who this person is?
	Not really.
	when you run London or the defense industry or something, a local city council just on pay disputes about equal pay.
	Well, I mean... I don't know what that always was.
	And the correct response would have been...
	True.
	Do you want to be really depressed?
	Do you know who this person is?
	Not really.
	She's one of the leading service by staffers.
	Okay.
	I thought she was a nobody.
	You assumed they wanted to use toilet roll.
	Think about that.
	How do you actually wipe with your hand and then not kill yourself?
	Because, like, your hand's covered in shit.
	Any thoughts?
	I was thinking about Jews.
	No, for good reason.
	But it does remind me of a 4chan post I saw once where it was like, yeah, there are micro-Jews in the electric system.
	Oh my god, the Jews are running in the wires.
	What's this here?
	They're in the copper wiping, guys.
	Look at this, some green text.
	Piss take.
	I'm just so loving it.
	So, you know she's Danish, right?
	Well, that's the best I can do at short notice for a woman's voice.
	You've got to do a potato in the throat and then you end with a cake.
	No, there you are.
	So, if you have a bonus hole.
	Listen here, bonus hole and front hole are both deemed acceptable.
	What about vagina?
	No.
	It's the pussy and the wussy.
	So you've got to get the wussy.
	Yeah, actually, that's a good point.
	It's just, is this cancer charity just run- The Welsh Rugby Union, when she was a chairman there, she said that she heard a council member say, women should know their place in the kitchen and stick to the ironing.
	Men are the master race.
	I mean, I'm- I hated that shit.
	I was just like, have you got the bags on?
	Bro, I've been licking windows this whole time.
	That is true.
	You do lick windows.
	Callum is licking windows before COVID.
	Callum's a full-time window licker.
	It's his life's purpose.
	Look, you guys laugh, but when super COVID comes, I'll be fully prepared.
	I'm like Megavax.
	Anyway, we shall begin.
	I know, it's not a mild cold.
	It's a bad cold.
	Yeah, I hate bad colds.
	I mean, look at it.
	Oh, no, no, no.
	That was just cherry flavor.
	I hate cherry flavor.
	Okay, sure.
	You got they, she, he, ze, per, them, her, him, her, her, their, her, her, hers and hers.
	Yeah, and she posted something where she was arguing that there are three genders, four genders, maybe even five!
	And her argument is- Why stop there?
	That there might be five genders because of foreigners.
	So, The Indian Conspiracy.
	Now this is something I've not told either of you about, so I haven't explained it.
	So this might- I can already see your face!
	Brown person if it's a bad thing happening to brown person equal bad.
	Bad things like a dog being caught by a train.
	Have you ever seen a video of a dog being killed by a train or a car or something?
	No, I avoid these things.
	No, and it really hurts you.
	I have here a Soviet pocket watch, which I will not time, because the Burger Goblin is here.
	Local man has arrived.
	The local man has brought us some McDonald's burgers, these cheeseburgers here.
	I am really regretting this.
	These Nazis, I'm sorry to them.
	They're good Nazis, it turns out.
	They're fellow Nazis.
	They're Nazis of colour.
	Just as British are you as I?
	Sorry, I forgot.
	How could you say something like that?
	You know they're British because they're carrying foreign flags.
	It's otherwise you can't provide, protect and what was the other one?
	Oh, fuck.
	It's otherwise you can't do this.
	It's actually a wee-goo.
	A woo-woo.
	A woo-woo.
	You're getting beat by France.
	Thanks.
	I'm sorry, we're not all in bed right now.
	Not together, just like, just having a lie-in.
	Sorry, what?
	I'm just clarifying to make sure people don't misinterpret my words.
	Alright, no doubt.
	I think he's kind of right about this.
	Ice cream's so good.
	The argument that's being made here is, look at this!
	Look at this, feel bad!
	It's one of those actual conservatives.
	I'm scared.
	Yes.
	Sorry, we just can't wait until the comments.
	Lovely stuff.
	Don't worry, podcasting will resume in a second.
	Yeah, that's not important.
	Anyway, as you can see here, I'll end this off with just a good meme.
	There we are.
	2468 Northern English Caliphate.
	So, there we are.

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