| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
A Lot More Than Meets The Eye
00:09:58
|
|
| Okay, and action. | |
| My name is Crowder, commander of Letterwood Crowder, leader. | |
| So sketches, a lot more goes into them than it might seem. | |
| It's way more involved than I thought it would be. | |
| It starts off with the writers. | |
| I do write sketches that screw with people personally, like Gerald. | |
| Wardrobe, props. | |
| I mean, I freaked out when I got here and I saw the production level. | |
| I mean, just the wardrobe. | |
| I've done shows at NBC and ABC. They don't have that much wardrobe. | |
| Visual effects. | |
| I didn't realize what everyone here was capable of. | |
| And so I was writing things, like, oh, we can't do that. | |
| Can't do that. | |
| And then Johnny Boyd would be like, why not? | |
| I'm like, oh, because, well, I mean, it's got these multiple shots and it's part of a movie. | |
| It's a parody and we got to bring this. | |
| And he's like, that's not for us to figure out. | |
| Okay, we'll see if that gets made, and then sure enough, it's amazing. | |
| I'm like, what? | |
| There's so much that goes into a 20, 30 second clip on here. | |
| Wow. | |
| At it! | |
| It's your friend Colonel Slanders again! | |
| We've done so many good things here. | |
| What was the one when he was my psychiatrist? | |
| Sinead O'Connor, who I couldn't help but picture in the back of my mind as the many that Nick DePaulo saw in my Rorschach test. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| You see again in two months? | |
| I like the bad monies a lot. | |
| That's fun because I get to be a little wild. | |
| Take a lot of hits. | |
| I do take a lot of hits. | |
| I do a lot of falls. | |
| I think physical comedy is funny. | |
| Billy the Magician is probably my favorite in recent years. | |
| I love getting to watch Josh get smashed over the head with a bottle and that magician's sleazy laugh. | |
| And the best part is we've got to order those bottles. | |
| We have a lot of stuff we do for each of those. | |
| So every time we do that bid, it's about a $30 bid at least. | |
| Oh, the other thing is Crowder with his impressions. | |
| I know we did a few boys. | |
| Back in the day, someone like Kamala Harris would say, I did. | |
| Sesame seed bun and french fries. | |
| But now you have Donald Trump going like, oh, she loves french fries. | |
| She can't get enough of them. | |
| She just does the machine. | |
| I guess french fries, onion rings, Popeyes! | |
| I can't believe how talented he is. | |
| And I'm not just kissing his ass, because it's way too hairy. | |
| I'm November 5th. | |
| Don't interrupt, Macho Man. | |
| November 5th. | |
| The choice is clear. | |
| You want to have the Don or one of these crutches right there. | |
| I could just toss anything at Steven, and he will just run with it with an impression. | |
| CEOs financially armed to the teeth. | |
| I'm doing a Brando thing, and they replaced me with Josh, who was doing a way better brand. | |
| That was the best one yet. | |
| I'm out of here. | |
| You talking to me? | |
| Oh, and I gotta say this. | |
| The Nick Dipp, press secretary. | |
| He also was the first guy to go see the midget. | |
| Nick has no idea what he's getting himself into. | |
| He just goes in there, they roll clips, and he rips. | |
| And that's amazing to watch. | |
| The view. | |
| I love the view. | |
| It's like a horse view. | |
| We literally just find clips of people asking questions and then let Nick answer. | |
| And it's so funny. | |
| Don Lemon have to walk around in a gay nightclub and assless chaps still have a gun on his trip. | |
| He does that one take. | |
| The 20 questions, 20 answers, one take, and then he's out of there. | |
| And I'm like, dude, what a pro. | |
| I can't believe I get to do that. | |
| Yeah, dead silence. | |
| Just what I thought. | |
| There's not another place in the industry where you could just change your role or say, hey, I want to try mixing the show today, or I want to run audio, or, you know, you get to contribute, you get to be on cam. | |
| I never imagined writing for a show. | |
| It was never really the goal for me to be a writer. | |
| - I'm farted. | |
| I laughed I'm farted. | |
| - It's a dream I didn't know I had come true. - Three, two, and action. | |
| There are a lot of times, especially when it comes to advertisements, that we're finding we're shooting for a new sponsor or something the day before it's going to run. | |
| So we'll shoot it early in the afternoon and we'll end up turning a spot for the next morning. | |
| Not the bees! | |
| Not the bees! | |
| Don't let the IRS take advantage of you. | |
| When it comes to the sketches of the show, I don't think people understand how much work goes into producing. | |
| I've learned a whole lot about what goes on behind the scenes over the last, really call it three, three and a half years. | |
| Look at that, look, get it. | |
| There's definitely... | |
| Yes, we can sell that. | |
| The lighting, the boom, the costumes, the makeup, you name it. | |
| And it's one of those things where you watch everybody sort of do their part and when everyone does it right, it comes together and it's an awesome thing. | |
| Everything from the keying, the compositing, the sound design. | |
| Stream! | |
| Street! Street! | |
| These are things that typically teams of people would take months and months to achieve, and we do it in record time with a skeleton crew, and it's because they're all rock stars. | |
| Make way for the emperor. | |
| Make it close. | |
| We're trying to do all of it. | |
| We're trying to be factually accurate. | |
| We're trying to be funny. | |
| And then you're trying to make sure that you're presenting information that people can use. | |
| And to do all of those things and on top of that... | |
| Record a bunch of sketches. | |
| Absolutely rounding. | |
| I don't want any foot fetish people getting my feet. | |
| It's just everybody's so different but mixes so well. | |
| It's a lot of fun and you know we get to tease Gerald all the time. | |
| And what a thick skin that guy's got. | |
| You know what? | |
| It's a great room. | |
| First of all, Steven can slip into any character at will, no matter what we're talking about. | |
| I kind of... | |
| It's sort of touch and go with the Jews right now. | |
| And Gerald is smart as hell. | |
| There's always going to be an adult in the room. | |
| She saved the Jews! | |
| I can't figure him out. | |
| I take pride in being able to read people. | |
| I've known him for, what, a couple years now? | |
| I have no idea. | |
| He'll get mad at me if I make a joke. | |
| He'll go, oh, like it's shocking. | |
| And then he'll hit a Holocaust joke in there. | |
| I can't figure him out. | |
| Josh is a stand-up. | |
| Josh is naturally funny and he can do characters. | |
| And action. | |
| Hey, I'm Colonel Slam. | |
| And the guys that work the... | |
| I don't want to forget about the guys that work the soundboard and all that other sh**. | |
| Shasha, still not nearly as gay, but also gay. | |
| Options are limited. | |
| Noodles just jumped in there. | |
| I was in a rhythm. | |
| Sorry. | |
| They were all like guys' guys. | |
| And I think it makes for a good mix. | |
| Like someone on an island who hasn't eaten in a while and your friend turns into a hot dog? | |
| Yes. | |
| Guys, do you have a white mic, please? | |
| Comedy's probably one of the most important things that the world is desperately in need of right now. | |
| Okay, it's for the greater good. | |
| Bye! | |
| For me, the best part of working here is the challenge. | |
| You know, doing all that we do and the time that we have it. | |
| I get to solve problems all day. | |
| I get to do it with people that I adore. | |
| It's more like a family here, which sounds so cheesy. | |
| It's the worst thing to say. | |
| Yeah, I live with these people. | |
| They're my friends. | |
| I think that secretly people do like me, although I am the only person on staff that Joe Lewis has bitten repeatedly. | |
| I didn't even head or look in Joe Lewis's direction and this happened. | |
| Scaredy. | |
| When I'm on stage, I love it. | |
| Doesn't matter where, whatever. | |
| This is just nothing but fun. | |
| It's great. | |
| Doing something I love. | |
| Doing something that matters. | |
| Let my kids see something that they can do someday. | |
| Something that's actually realistic. | |
| I never had that growing up. | |
| I never thought it was realistic to be an entertainer for a living. | |
| I thought that was crazy. | |
| I think that's important to see. | |
| See your parents work hard and get what they want. | |
| Rather than what I saw in my father. | |
| Work hard and get what you get. | |
| I don't think many people get that sort of opportunity. | |
| I can't speak! | |
| You look at people that hate their jobs and they go out there and they're just making ends to me. | |
| I'm just blessed and lucky to be doing what I'm doing. | |
| Cut! | |
| Oh, what are you going to do right now? | |
| Are you going? | |
| Then we're gonna hang out in the Sesame Street set. | |
| Can I ask you a personal question? | |
| No. | |
| Can you hear that, Billy? | |
| George's a Greek. | |
| I hate that nickname, by the way. | |
| Yeah, anything you've written that even you think is too much, too dark for this show? | |
| Oh, no. | |
| I haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg. | |
| I'm all for pushing boundaries. | |
| I mean, I wrote a sketch about six months back when my grandmother was... ...shredded. | |
| So... | |
| I mean, it didn't air. | |
| Can you do this? | |
|
Election Night Revelations
00:01:53
|
|
| Can you interview me in front of Oscar the Grouch's house? | |
| That'd be fantastic. | |
| All right. | |
| Seven and a half, bitch. | |
| What? | |
| So if I actually showed my daughter those sketches, she's ten. | |
| Now she wants me to do a sketch with her where she gets to hit me with a glass bottle, so I'm not gonna do that. | |
| Because I could kick her ass, dude. | |
| She's like this high. | |
| We get the f***ing f*** to the f***. | |
| Can I say that? | |
| I think I did. | |
| I mean, I rack at least, probably, on a slow day a dozen HR violations. | |
| Which one? | |
| The f***ing left! | |
| Yeah, nice clap! | |
| Let's f*** it! | |
| Probably loses day one. | |
| What do you think that looks like? | |
| Looks like me going to the gun store. | |
| Do you think that a Democrat victory here trusts Pat for a female president? | |
| He's a f***ing b***h on wheels. | |
| Nick, how long have you not had the use of your plate? | |
| I told them you weren't going to ask about that. | |
| You good? | |
| All right, kids. | |
| Anything else you want to add? | |
| I do. | |
| I'd like not to do the show anymore. | |
| Gerald's really bugging me. | |
| I hope it lasts. | |
| That's all. | |
| I need the cash. | |
| All right. | |
| So you and I decided to do something special on election night. | |
| To be able to restore people's confidence in an election. | |
| Accessing data and information and systems that no other company on the internet has really done before. | |
| What we're doing is f***ing dangerous, man. | |
| There's liability that comes with that, obviously. | |
| I don't think other people want to take on that risk. | |
| We're putting everything we got into this. | |
| The important thing is to have an informed and enlightened audience. | |
| You need accurate data. | |
| There's red and there's blue, you see? | |
| We're trying to make a difference in the way elections are reported. | |
| I think this is going to be a historic moment. | |
| This is sort of a watershed moment. | |
| Do you think Trump's gonna win? | |