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Oct. 10, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:10:08
BOOTED: YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT YE SAID ABOUT THE JEWS! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
Hey guys, Whistleblower22 here.
Sorry about the gap between videos.
Hey guys, Whistleblower22 here.
Sorry about the gap between videos, I got kicked out again.
But I promise this new scoop will be the biggest of my career.
To be honest, once I expose this, I fear for my life.
It's time for the truth.
Pete Buttigieg is not gay.
The story never added up, not coming out until his 30s, recoiling from any physical intimacy with his alleged husband.
The Deep State has gone to great lengths to cover up and rewrite Mayor Pete's history, because not only is he not gay, Pete Buttigieg is a plant.
He's been handpicked by Vice President Mike Pence to run for president, and then, once installed in the White House, he'll sign an executive order to create Pence's gay conversion camps.
It's been Pence's plan all along, and when President Trump didn't agree, Pence went with Plan B. Plan Buttigieg.
Thanks for watching, Anons.
I'm gonna shout out everyone who contributed to my GoFundMe, starting with, uh, Mr. Patrick S. So, yeah, guys, thanks for the support.
Whistleer out.
You're a stranger in love, that's what I know. You're a stranger in love, I got the ball.
I'm the speedy disco.
I'm the speedy disco.
I made a lot of movies in the 80s.
Ladies.
Mm.
You paid handsomely.
Yes.
Yes, I was.
Ah, stuck on you.
Then they stole the title for another movie.
Alright, anyway.
Hello and ahoy.
Ahoy and hello.
Happy Monday.
Stephen is out today, but I am going to be at the big chair.
In the big chair.
Not at the big chair.
I'm tired, too.
The fact that we do this show early is stupid.
Alright.
So, I'd like to welcome everybody to the show.
Today we have a great group with me as usual.
Gerald A., how are you?
I am better than you, sir.
Are you?
Well, you know what I gotta say to you?
What's that?
Happy birthday!
We missed you yesterday!
Oh, look at that!
Wow, that sounds really gay.
Happy 50th.
That's right.
I don't understand.
Is that your favorite song?
No, no, no.
It's definitely not.
Really?
Because you have just the iPod that we found, which is weird because it's old.
People still have those?
Yeah.
And it just plays that song.
It wasn't an iPod, it was a Zune.
It was just weird.
He's always like, hey guys, are you going to bang that one in your Zune?
We're like, could you stop talking like that dad?
That old generic MP3 player?
Good lord.
Token Nauen.
Sorry.
Laser disc.
Don't knock my collection.
Token Nauen.
Ahoy.
Casey Anna Jones.
Ahoy.
Good morning.
Tim the Tool Man.
Good morning, Dave.
And of course, our very special guest.
Not his birthday, but let's throw him one, too.
Happy birthday to me.
There you go.
Quarter Black Garrett.
Oh, yo, that's even better.
I'll give it to Garrett.
For no reason whatsoever.
And let's confetti me.
Wait, wait, wait.
While I slurp, go.
Some dreams do come true.
Did you see me now, Daddy?
Look at me with my confetti.
Yes, do you like what I do now?
You said this would never happen.
Yes, but here I am.
Is Rip Taylor still alive?
Oh, yeah.
I think so, right?
Yeah.
Oh, please don't tell me if he's dead or not.
I don't want to know.
I assume the Hiv got him.
Anyway.
What?
That's what he would throw out of his bag, pieces of AIDS victims.
Alright, so anyway, today we'll be talking about Kanye's Jewish tweets,
Gerald knows sports, Streamr breaks... Streamr breaks...
Crimea bridge blows up, Buttigieg new road, and the Write Stuff app fails, which is shocking.
Yeah.
I did not see that coming.
No.
And also the question of the day is, what is your opinion of dating apps?
Do you think, uh, that conservatives-only dating apps should work?
Can it work?
Go ahead, comment.
Because, uh, you know, I don't.
No, no way.
Did you ever DATAP?
Hell no.
I found my wife before all this stuff was real, so I don't know what swipe left or right or... I do.
I don't know any of those things.
I went through Tinder with one of my... Grindr.
What's that?
For hoagies.
I know that app.
Where you can order a hoagie.
I know that one.
Yeah, if that's what you want to call it.
Nine inch hoagies.
I like a twelve inch wall hoagie.
Above average.
Above average hoagie apps.
That are sloppy.
I need a bib.
Did you do the app?
I did a couple of apps, yeah.
Did you do Christian Mingle?
I think there was a Christian app that I did.
No, it was something else.
Ebony Love?
No.
Was it?
No.
Was it Ebony Love?
There was two.
One was really popular and I'm totally blanking on the names.
Yeah, I did.
Not that one.
E-Harmony.
There we go.
One of them was E-Harmony, which was more of like a classic.
Wasn't that for old people?
Yeah, pretty much.
Like R-Time?
Is that what you did?
That's right before they spun off into R-Time.
Our time should be called out of time.
Did you meet your wife on that?
I thought you met her normally.
you have 10 years left. They were all like a complete waste of time.
So yeah, they're terrible. Did you meet your wife on that?
I don't mean to be personal. I thought you met her normally.
I did, yes. No offense if you met on an app.
I didn't mean it like that.
I thought you meant like a regular person.
Yeah.
Not a freak.
Yeah, not like a weirdo.
Not like somebody's at home who's like, ah.
That'd be crazy.
Not like that app where you take selfies in the mirror and don't get any hits.
How do you meet people in these days, though?
Like, it's gotta be hard.
I have no idea.
No clue whatsoever how you meet anybody.
I mean, like, school and work, you know, normal ways.
How do you even know that they're a woman?
When you're 47, you go, well, I guess I should try an app.
Right, well, but how do you go up to somebody and just go, hey?
Do the old Mick Dundee, you know?
Check the carriage?
What?
No!
Yeah, you put your hand under there and check for heat.
This hand is Sheila!
I just need to know if there's a bulge.
How do you go up to somebody and not just expect them to be like, hey, you look nice, and they just pull out a whistle?
Yeah, exactly.
Oh jeez, again?
Wouldn't you just feel like you'd be me too'd at any corner if I came?
Hey, could I buy you a drink?
And you're like, why am I being cuffed?
Gotta be terrifying.
I just want to give you money.
Oh, that's even worse.
That would seem like the safest way to get sex though.
Because you get a guarantee, and there's just, yeah, just give cash.
It's a transaction.
It seems right.
Oldest profession.
Legalize it.
Sign a contract that you happen to have in your pocket.
I just have these printed out.
You know they have an app for that, right?
They have a consent app.
Do they really?
I'm not even joking.
I thought that was a stand-up bit.
Is that real?
That's a real thing.
You have to consent?
Now they're just going to say that you took her and put her fingerprint on her when she was passed out.
Who invented that, Cosby?
Bill Cosby's like, I got all of them!
Look at all these fingerprints.
Yeah.
Bill, that's from the 1970s.
What's a real thing?
The consent app.
It's like, hey, we're about to bang.
By the way, do you mind consenting, please?
I just don't want to get MeToo'd.
With the amount of people that do get me to, it's like a necessary thing.
It is!
Oh yeah, you have to go.
I have consent on the app.
Hey, can you imagine sitting at the table, I'm not sure how this night's gonna go, but just in case... I trusted her enough to have sex with, but not enough to keep her story straight.
There's a QR code and you give a voice statement?
Oh wow.
So much work.
We live in such a terrible time.
Can you imagine?
This is a weird dystopia we live in.
Back at the apartment.
We can agree on a safe word.
Coffee, cinnamon, winter, peach, orange.
That's on there, yeah.
Is the app listening for the safe word?
So it triggers like an alarm or something?
Yeah, and then it starts going off.
Call the cops immediately.
Yeah, isn't the 9 and 1 buttons on the phone a safe word?
I thought so.
Couldn't Siri call the cops for you?
Siri, safe word.
Quick, I'm getting raped!
Hey, take your hands off him!
I did not understand that.
Could you repeat?
I'm being raped!
Alexa, rape!
Starts playing music.
He just triggered it in someone's house.
It's raining men!
No!
No!
The wrong playlist!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Speaking of music, look at that segue.
That was beautiful, man.
Did we do the Watch & React?
Oh, we didn't!
Did we pass straight over?
What a silly Billy I am.
I wanted to get right into Kanye.
I wanted to get right into Yeezus.
So all right, let's go ahead and take a look at this Watch and React.
Kanye West is being canceled by Big Tech.
Is this part of it?
Yes.
Kanye West is being canceled by Big Tech, but there's no need to panic because to take his place, we have a non-binary broad.
That's okay to flub because it is stupid.
Non-binary broad who claims you hate her because you won't partake in her fantasy.
Check this out.
I can be masc, I can be femme, cos I'm genderfluid.
I am non-binary, I go by they, then don't you f***ing see her?
Zip it!
My name is Dax, you're outacted, don't use that one too.
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Is it because you're a turd?
It's your haircut.
It's everything about you.
Kind of the whole package.
Stupid haircut.
Why... What's a TERF again?
It's a... You know what?
I don't even know.
I pretend I know, but... I'm not sure.
Don't tell anybody I don't know.
Sorry, it's not she, her.
It's the they, them.
A TERF is a trans equal rights feminist, right?
Something?
I thought it was the opposite.
I thought they were... It's a bad one.
Are you a TERF or is she a TERF?
Somebody's a TERF in this.
Oh, it's against trans?
It's a feminist that's against them.
Oh, so... Because they always call JK Rowling.
I thought she would know.
She looked like she was from Harry Potter.
She did look like Harry Potter if he just ate cake.
Yeah.
Trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Harry Potter with the balloons in his shirt.
Okay, so feminists don't like trans people?
Right.
Okay.
Say it again.
I'm sorry, Tocan.
Trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Oh, trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
Yeah.
Ding ding.
I see.
So she is a norm...
I gotta stop that one.
She's just complaining she doesn't have any friends, any girlfriends, and she's blaming it because they... Those dang TERFs.
Instead of being a fun person or having a personality of any sort, she failed to go to TikTok and sing.
Yes, the person singing to their phone, alone in the room, is complaining that they don't have friends.
I don't understand why I don't have any friends.
What's happening?
It's gotta be everybody else, not me.
Boy, that's how I made all my friends growing up, was singing to my cordless... What an idiot.
Why don't I have any friends?
Is it because I look like Michael Moore banged Harry Potter?
I have a Lloyd Christmas haircut and I'm a ugly whore.
The problem is you!
You!
It's not me!
I don't like trans.
Why?
Because I'm often mistaken for... Alright, anyway.
They, them.
Remove from TikTok.
What are her pronouns?
They, them, but her name is also Dax.
Dax was they's name.
I don't know if I like anybody named Dax.
It's a little too forward, you know?
You're expecting me to just accept your name Dax?
Yeah, Shepard's not bad, but I think he made it up.
I'll give a Dax Shepard.
Is her name Dax?
No, no, no.
Hey, hey.
They's name.
Is they named Dax?
See, that's the thing.
I don't know.
They is.
They is named Dax.
Guess who's Dax.
They is named Dax.
Oh, look at my baby.
His name's Dax.
Come on.
Just name him Tom or something.
Something regular.
Something that won't get him beat up later.
Just to be clear, anybody in preschool and up just gets an A in English now?
Yes.
It's like, I don't know.
Maybe.
Yeah.
They is at store.
A plus, son.
It depends.
Yes.
That is your truth.
I can't correct you.
That's how we's talk.
Can you please tell me how you meant it?
Good lord.
Ebonics is Shakespearean.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
And it is, actually.
It's true.
It's fantasy.
It's actually because you understand it.
You understand any language that's not what we just saw.
Speaking of singing...
The Yee!
The Yeezy!
Kanye West, maybe you've heard of him.
He's got a little bit of trouble for some tweets and rightfully so, I have to be honest.
He's lost his mind a little bit some time ago.
I have liked Kanye in the past.
He's talented.
He's a talented guy.
Very talented man.
He's a little out there.
Ups and downs.
George Bush doesn't care about black people.
Does not get fish stick jokes.
No, not at all.
Not at all.
Then he jumped up on stage with the whole Beyonce thing.
So he's been kind of like a wild card forever.
This whole time.
So I don't know why people all of a sudden be like, whoa, what's going on with yeet?
He's always been this way.
Yeah.
Tried to take what's her name's a Grammy.
Yeah.
Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift.
Yeah, which I mean, sure.
I mean, yeah.
She wasn't going to be using it.
She's already got like 15 of them.
Yeah, she's got enough.
She's fine.
Yeah, she didn't need another one.
She wears mom jeans.
And I'm not saying she's not cute, but yeah, it's enough.
That's a terrible- Pushing it.
It's why people are breaking up with you.
So, Kanye West has been locked out of his Twitter for anti-Semitic comments, and the tweet in question, which has since been removed, we're going to go ahead and read it.
This is not something that I agree with any of these whatsoever.
No, not at all.
This is what he said.
He can't say stuff like this, but he did.
No, he did.
So, he tweeted, I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up I'm going DEFCON 3 on Jewish people.
All caps on the Jewish people.
You know, I swear, you do Tucker one time.
The funny thing is, I actually can't be anti-Semitic because black people are actually Jew.
Also, you guys toyed with me and tried to blackball anyone who ever opposed your agenda.
I didn't know a quarter black was also a quarter Jewish.
Did you know you're partially Jewish?
Wow, that's interesting.
Didn't know, one of the chosen.
We're gonna call you 18th Jew.
Yeah, I'll take that.
Let me change my Twitter handle right now.
Go ahead and do that.
Kanye taught us something.
You look at your stocks, you're like, I'm rich?
Just got an email.
Wow.
Welcome to the club email.
I own way more gold than I ever knew.
Landau's Hebrew.
It's the poor Hebrew.
It's Hebrew-German.
It can be a lot of things, but there are Landau.
Hebrew-German.
That's a crazy name.
It's a crazy mix.
Because I think that's why I hate myself so much Just I want to exterminate myself
But you're trying to wheel and yell at the same time Yeah, I'm mostly also Irish and Italian, which we're not people who love themselves either.
Well, Italians are, but we're loud.
Anyway.
Many outlets are covering you, going after Mark Zuckerberg on Twitter.
Independent Fox, Yahoo.
Is that a thing?
All right, look.
Not yet.
Oh, wow.
Wait, going after Mark Zuckerberg?
Yeah, the three resources are Independent Fox and Yahoo.
I was kidding.
The Independent.
Look at this, Mark.
How you gonna kick me off Instagram?
Oh, that's not the whole tweet.
No.
No.
However, they seem to be omitting the closing words of this tweet.
We have them for you here, and Gerald is going to read the tweet in its entirety for us.
And go.
Go.
Look at this, Mark.
How you gonna kick me off Instagram?
You used to be my n-word.
With an A. I didn't read the whole thing!
I can't.
I'm not Tupac.
I can't sing it.
I'd say it, but I won't take your channel down.
Can you say the first quarter words?
Yeah.
You want me to read it?
No, no.
I think we all know what it is.
It's not a fun word.
Well, it is... Well, the way that he says it, it's an A at the end.
In that community, it's fun to listen to, or rapping alone in your car.
Or in Chinese, remember the video that we had of the guys?
Or what?
NBA players were getting off the bus in China.
Yeah, and it's pronounced that way.
There's a French basketball player, I don't know why it reminded me, but his name's like Lil Fat Ho.
Is it really?
Lil Fat Ho?
Lil Fat Ho or something.
You gotta look it up.
He's a basketball player?
He's a basketball player.
Little Fat Ho.
It's not little, but it's like something Fat Ho.
I'm gonna get the jersey and wear it all the time.
Also not being covered is Kanye's follow-up tweet.
Who you think created cancel culture?
Oh boy.
What are you trying to say, Ye?
What are you trying to say?
Go ahead, comment below, who do you think started cancel culture?
Mel Gibson.
I agree.
I think when he called the cops sugar tits, that's what he did.
But seriously, comment, write, who do you think created it?
Honestly.
Was it J-O-O's?
I think that's what Kanye is alluding to.
Is that what he's saying?
I don't think it was.
I don't think so either.
I don't think Jewish people are responsible for most of the things they've been blamed for.
Yeah.
I mean some things. Because people are just people, you know.
Well people are people. They're just like everybody else.
They make mistakes. They create cancel culture.
According to ye.
I don't understand how they would get together.
Any people group. How do you get together and create cancel culture?
I think it's just individuals doing it and then...
Yeah.
Unless there's like a conspiracy theory out there that I'm not aware of.
I'm just tired of blaming whole groups.
That's why there's so much division in this country.
We're like, yeah, all of them.
You know how stupid you sound?
Maybe it's just all assholes.
Maybe that's what it is.
You can be white, black, Asian, you know, whatever.
You can also be an asshole.
I'm gonna do a diagram.
Do a diagram!
Do you need a whiteboard?
Let's say this is all people, right?
Can you see that?
And then right in the middle... Oh boy.
I'm afraid of the diagram.
Right in the middle... is all the assholes.
And these people... These people are the problem.
It's a cross-section.
And they're the ones that want to keep it divided.
That's why it's divided in the middle there.
And that's where all the shit comes out.
Hmm.
Thank you.
You are an artist.
Why did you not hit the more you know thing?
I can't even imagine.
Well, we did the drumrolls.
Oh, thank you.
You have a drumroll into the more you know.
I almost felt stupid.
It really is just like, just, I, it's not, who created cancel culture?
Honestly?
The media?
People who wanted to jump on things to divide us?
Which is controlled by the, and that's what he would say.
Ah, well yeah.
In his best Alex Jones voice.
It's like, I always have an answer for you.
Yes, exactly.
And I'll tell you, that's right.
No, no, no, it's the people in banks, which again is controlled by... Which I'm saying, look, you're not listening to me.
You're not listening to me.
By the ducks.
Like, they're also mind-controlled by... Okay, fine.
You know, ducks have cameras in their eyeballs.
That's true.
That's why they migrate, so they can watch you all season long.
Well, you know the song, right?
I thought it was pigeons.
It's pigeons, too.
It's all fowl, waterfowl.
The ducks are watching.
That's not a song.
Do your duck voice.
Can you do a duck voice?
Can you do a duck voice? Well, does it really good to do it do disco duck?
I'm watching you Disco Duck was cancelled.
It's hard to do a lot of words with that.
You just end up screwing it up and it's hard to do on the fly.
I can do the don't rape me one because that's pretty easy.
You just sound like a distressed duck.
That's the one you're comfortable with?
Practice that one a lot.
I do.
I feel like it'll turn any would-be attacker off.
He'll just be like, whoa, what is going on here?
He's doing impressions.
You just present yourself and start quacking?
I hope that's a corkscrew penis.
Look it up, it's disgusting.
Ducks are sick.
Ducks have a corkscrew penis.
It's like right next to the cat penis.
You know how they have barbs?
Yeah, they do.
Messed up. Animal Kingdom's sick.
You know what else cats have?
Big claws when you try to bang them.
Dave, what are all those scratches?
I just want to love you.
You just come in every day with ripped up clothes.
Yeah.
I don't have one shirt that's not ruined.
No means no, Dave.
Even for cats.
What's going on with you?
I volunteer at a cat sanctuary.
Yeah, but why are they always clawing you?
Beats me.
You're really aggressive, man.
Yeah, I know.
They're mean cats.
They're not all declawed.
That's why I'm sometimes happy.
Now, obviously, what Kanye said is anti-Semitic, and Twitter is well within their rights to take down overtly racist tweets.
I fully agree with that, and statements.
But, I mean, and then again, you know what?
I'm going to say I don't agree with that, because let us know who the assholes are.
I don't really care.
I really don't care what you write.
I understand if they're going to have a policy I guess the point is to enforce the policy on both sides and it's interesting there are some tweets that we've got some overlays of that are still up and available right we I love it when white people get what they deserve after centuries of enslaving and murdering black people I want to see more people get mutilated and beat up because they deserve it okay so that's allowed that's acceptable right all that being said f white people I mean they call The call starts December... Okay, so... Oh, they're calling for a race war.
Right, they're calling for you to kill people.
Is that a happy-go-lucky profile picture?
White people is white people just for you old people in the room.
Make me want to hurt somebody.
There's only a few good ones.
That's, you know, a little school.
So those things are fine.
I need a list.
Seriously, name one good white person.
I know.
Nobody difficult Nobody that really is amazing is this December 4th?
I'm...
I don't know.
Are we late?
I don't know.
Where do I fall in that?
That was in 2021.
Thank God we survived the call.
So it's not this Christmas we'll be pummeled.
Yes.
Make it one more year.
It'll be mostly peaceful.
It'll be a mostly peaceful pummeling.
Yes.
Good.
That's fantastic.
I like hearing that.
Well, that's good.
I was worried.
Well, those tweets made it through, so remember, and this should be a more you know moment, if your tweets are racist, make sure it's at White's.
They're lesser humans.
I can say that.
You can because you're white.
I could say it if I wasn't.
If you get cancelled because of that, I would just be like, A, I'm sorry, B, that's hilarious.
Nope, Dave, you can't even say that about yourself.
I can't.
It's because I said Landau is a Jewish last name.
They rip it off the internet.
They're like, can you believe what this heaps?
That guy said.
But he's not really Jewish.
It's just a last name.
The real last name is Donilon.
Huh?
My real last name.
Is it?
Yeah, my dad took the name of the guy who raised him.
Because the Irish dad left the day he was born because the Irish back then Sorta scumbags.
Back then though.
Left for a pack of cigs.
Yeah.
Did he?
Well, the Irish were the original, you know, yous.
Strong.
That is true.
Like how Quarterblack's like... Enslaved.
Check.
Really aggressive.
Check.
Alcoholic.
That's a little different.
Well, that's true.
We swapped it for crack.
That was all us. I love you.
I love you too.
I do, for real.
Which side of him?
The white side.
Oh, of course.
What did you think I was referring to, racist?
I think of the back side.
The three quarters.
This is a live show Monday through Thursday at 10 a.m.
Eastern.
Oh, we're live?
Yeah.
This is live?
Yeah, it can't be edited.
I find that out.
I thought this all could be cut out.
Oh well.
I find out the hard way every day where I'm like, oh, well that's permanent.
This is a live show.
This is unfortunately a live show Monday through Thursday at 10 a.m.
Eastern, usually around 10-10, 10-15, but go to Rumble.
Check us out there.
Look at that, Rumble.
Like in the Bronx or in the jungle.
Oh, Rumble in the Bronx.
Yeah, Mug Club, such a classic.
I like that movie.
What's your favorite Chan movie?
Who am I?
I was gonna say, who am I?
Who am I?
Oh, dude, good call.
Boy, dude, good call.
You've never seen that?
I've never even heard of it.
Give it a watch.
Oh, dude.
You gotta watch it.
Like, when's it from?
Early 80s?
Oh, 80s?
Yeah.
It was before Rumble in the Bronx.
Anything after Rush Hour.
Just kidding.
Rush Hour 1.
You're like, Rush Hour 3.
I love Rush Hour 1.
Rush Hour 1 is fun.
1 is great.
2 is watchable.
Jackie Chan.
I said it like I said it like watchable jacket and run Three I don't know if it's real
Run.
There's a third one I thought there was.
Yeah, there is, right?
What do you think of The Tourist?
Was it The Tourist?
With Johnny Depp?
No, no, no, no.
That's Johnny Depp.
Jackie Chan.
Not The Tourist, sorry.
It's The Foreigner.
Oh, I haven't watched his recent.
I don't know if I saw it.
I mean, the movie's not great, don't get me wrong, but his part wasn't bad.
I liked him in, what was it?
Pariah?
Parasite?
I liked him when he played Chow Yun-Fat in a bunch of movies.
The human centipede.
He was the one in the front.
His name ain't no Asian person.
Yeah.
What's your film credit?
Centipede number 8.
You just take a trip to any Asian country and ask everyone for Jackie Chan's autograph.
You're like, I don't think this is the trip for you.
You're not going to make it out.
They're just beating you.
They're going to karate kick you.
Well, let's talk about some other giants.
Not just little ones.
The big ones.
The New York Giants' sideline got a little weird over the weekend.
I don't know if you saw that.
On Sunday, the New York Giants defeated the Green Bay Packers in London, 27 to 22.
That brings us to this week.
In Gerald, no sports.
One, open, he scores!
Now the Giants may have won on the field, but the real show happened on the sidelines.
lines.
you Wow.
They call that unnecessary fluffness.
So Gerald, you play football.
Explain!
I didn't know that was available on the side.
Hey, sometimes you need to pick me up in the middle of the game.
I don't know what that's supposed to help.
I thought you wanted those guys angry and mean.
That's just going to make him calm and relaxed.
I was going to say, doesn't that usually take the drive out of you?
Because if you wake up in the morning and you're like, I think I'm going to paint the shed, and then you do that, and you're like, I think I'm going to do nothing.
I'm going to take a nap.
I was going to go in and kill a quarterback, but I guess not.
By the way, he also looks like a five-year-old at a urinal.
You know, kids just like drop their pants off.
You have a medical tent!
You have an entire thing set up where you can do this in the privacy of your own tent, Deshaun Watson.
You can go over there and do it.
He just said Sprout.
He put a 20 in his shirt.
That was weird.
What was he really doing?
Because to the angle of all the kids... All the children watching at home.
Watching the game.
Mommy, what's that?
Brotherly love right there.
We want to make sure he doesn't have a hernia.
That's how the Giants roll.
When they get assigned free agents, this is going to be on the brochure.
Like, this could be you.
Angry on the sideline?
Need a little help?
Look, we don't pay our assistant coaches just to stand there.
What do you think it was for real?
Dig deep.
Yeah, you really gotta get in there.
An inner thigh groin kind of thing.
Could have been rubbing somebody.
Was he milking his prostate?
I'm gonna be the first person to say this, but I think sports is pretty gay.
It's not gay, look at him.
The NFL said the NFL is gay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say yes.
It's a little game.
Sometimes they need to rub like, you know, some ointment on your leg or something like that if you're having a muscle issue or something like that.
You know what?
I got it.
He was just, uh... I got it.
You know, it just could have been done better.
Yeah.
Either the coach should have said, you do it.
Yeah.
Or the player should have said, I got it.
You're right.
Somebody should have stepped into this situation.
You know what's funny though?
Watch the player's left arm.
It kind of looks like he's helping.
Okay.
Oh, look at that.
He's cradling.
That's what he's doing.
What do they call that one?
If you're going to do it, do it right.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like, look, I'm gonna cup him.
Yeah.
You tug.
Look, there's a tempo.
There's a tempo to this.
That one feels like there's three of us.
I'm gonna sit on my hands till it's numb.
And it's going to be like a stranger.
Yeah.
It's going to be like this bunch of us here.
I like when people watch.
It's London.
I guess we can do this on the sidelines.
Yeah.
Do you want to go in the locker room?
Hell no, I don't want to go in the locker room.
I'm an exhibitionist.
Can't all these people see me in the locker room?
Then no.
And that's been Geron, no sports.
Outro At Notre Dame they just bring out the priests.
Laughter You're like, dude, no, please.
Please.
And then he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was junior football.
I'll pass.
Oh, I'm sorry, you're an adult.
Oh, this sucks.
All the priests are judging us.
Ew.
Oh, this is gross.
Sorry, I know it's not what happened.
I thought this was peewee.
So, let's talk about a Twitch streamer.
It's a good title for her.
Yeah, because it's not like she's in porn.
No.
Allegedly!
Nope, no alleged.
She broke her back, right?
Not doing what you might think.
But we've all heard of the expression of adult stars getting their backs blown out.
Yes.
Uh, but Adriana Czech... I don't know how to pronounce it.
Let me see, what is his name?
Czecik.
Czecik?
Adriana.
Czecik.
Adriana Czecik.
Adriana Czecik took it to a new level over the weekend at TwitchCon.
Oh my god!
Big sip!
Sips of her own!
Great victory there.
She broke her back.
I can't get out.
Yeah, the funny thing is... It's concrete under there, lady.
Are you okay?
She's held down by the pitfall.
Medic!
No, no, she's fine.
She clam-slammed herself.
No, she's not.
She's not fine.
Alright, make sure she's okay.
Get her out of the pit.
Get this broad out of the pit.
Now she lives in the pit now, I kinda think.
That's too bad.
If she had gone on all fours, she could have lifted herself right out.
She's used to a lot of load on her back.
A lot of her muscle strength is there.
Yeah, it's all in the power.
All of the exercising.
All of the power.
Maybe she should have, she could have probably gotten used to it if they were like just threw a towel at her.
I'll clean up.
No, I'll get up.
She's the guy from the previous video.
The workout guy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She used to work out those old muscles.
She had to look at the camera and name the establishment.
While mascara ran down her face.
Oh my gosh.
She clam-slammed herself!
Did you see that, though?
She like, full-on, like, BOOM!
On the ground.
I don't know.
Celebrating victory.
What else is she supposed to do?
Isn't that a place where, like, children have birthday parties?
Like, isn't that like a sky zone?
No, that's not quite what it is.
No, it's a convention hall.
It's a hastily constructed pit.
It's a convention hall, which means there's concrete right there.
And it was only two feet deep, and those foam blocks are not enough to, you know, They didn't dig out a pit for you, lady.
How's she gonna work?
Oh, right.
She'll just lay there.
Anyway.
Uh...
I'm not even gonna say it.
She broke her most valuable asset.
That's true.
Her tailbone.
What an action going on down there.
Note how coverage of the story refers to her as Twitch streamer.
Not a single mention of her actual revenue source in the article.
Adriana confirmed the severity of the injury over Twitter.
Well, I broke my back in two places and I'm getting surgery to put a meter rod in for support today.
A meter rod is the name of her new co-star.
And it's more just a measurement.
Send your support.
When it rains, it pours.
And I'm definitely feeling the rain right now.
All over the place.
Dripping everywhere.
Surely the first time Adriana has had this raining down on her.
We actually have footage of the surgical consultant who will be performing the operation.
Who the hell's that?
Uhhhh...
Well, he's a surgeon.
Yeah, he's a doctor.
M.D.
Yeah, he's an M.D.
Is he really?
Yes, he is.
He's a doctor.
He's an astronaut.
He's a cowboy.
He's like a renaissance man, really.
Really?
Yeah, he's a stepbrother.
She's in good hands.
Plumber.
Pizza man.
He's really a true hero.
Just a well-rounded sir.
He does it all.
See what they call it all a jack off of all trades Man of the people
Yeah.
Or on the people.
That's a lot of nuts!
Or around the people.
So we wish her well.
We really do.
I don't want to see anybody... Speedy recovery.
Yes.
I don't want to see anybody get injured.
I do hope she is okay.
No, that sucks.
For real.
You know the bad part is like, you're like, ah, she's fine.
She's used to being in the pit, you know?
Ha ha!
It's like, oh, your back is actually broken.
No, that really sucks.
For real.
I do hope she's okay.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not... She's going to regret that life choice.
Let's just put it this way.
She probably should regret a lot of life choices.
There's probably two she'll regret.
This one will be immediate.
This is probably second.
I can't believe I did a toe touch to celebrate.
Why couldn't I just walk off?
Yeah.
Two will be her fault.
The third was her uncle's.
Yeah.
She couldn't tell at first because it's just all numb down there.
Yeah.
The third will be when you're 50 and look back and go... Surprised she felt it.
Yeah.
Bam!
Is this like a regular day at work?
Yeah.
This hurts more than usual.
Wow!
I can feel.
Yeah, normally when I slam.
All right, anyway.
Let's talk about Pete Buttigieg.
Oh yeah, speaking of.
Do you know Pete?
Yeah, Pete.
Yeah, Pete.
Petey.
Mayor Pete.
Mayor Pete of South Bend, Indiana.
South Bend, where Notre Dame is.
No, it's next.
I think we just saw him on the sidelines just not too long ago.
A correction.
What?
It is located adjacent to South Bend.
It is not in South Bend.
It is adjacent to South Bend, you are correct.
We created our own city when we moved there in the 1800s.
We foresaw the crap hole that would be South Bend and said, no, no, no, no.
That's Notre Dame facts, Gerald!
Gerald knows Notre Dame.
That's right, yeah.
South Bend.
Not South Bend.
I'm adjacent.
Yay!
Speaking of which, I do hope that girl can bend south.
Yeah, she's working on it.
Working on it.
Oh man.
There's a river that separates us for a reason!
I go to Detroit a lot, going from there, but I went downtown to see concerts and I kept going, why is this freeway shut down that goes to all these places, you know, like every single sports arena and concert venue?
Why are they shutting it down?
This would be an odd place to shut down a highway.
A beautification project maybe?
You'd assume.
Yeah?
Maybe not that one.
But anyway, Pete Buttigieg got Detroit a $106.4 million grant to turn a Detroit highway into bike lanes because it displaced families and jazz clubs in the 1950s.
The purpose of transportation is to connect.
But we have seen examples in many communities, including here, where an infrastructure decision serves to divide.
And we raise this issue not to wallow in it, but to challenge ourselves to do something about it.
And now we are putting our money where our mouth is.
Oh, I bet you like to put stuff... Anyway, it's not important.
Put a lot of stuff where your mouth is.
The grant was part of a 2021 bipartisan infrastructure law.
But I will say, this will ruin traffic for all sports events, and it's a completely different area now.
Never once have I driven through this area and thought, you know what would be good?
Riding a bike through right here.
Completely unprotected vehicle.
It's funny because this whole plan, right, so this was built through a neighborhood, I think it displaced like a hundred thousand people when it was done, but theoretically I have no idea.
This is prior to the race riots.
I was gonna say, when was this?
Long, long, long time ago.
50s?
So now they said it's like, oh this is why this area is bad, it disconnected two communities, so we're gonna tear this down and we're gonna put up a six lane road and bike paths.
What is the difference?
So you're taking down the bridge of a highway, which we can walk under, You're putting in a road which we cannot walk under.
Yeah.
That's that's fantastic.
You guys are idiots.
You just don't understand the booty touch.
Oh, I guess.
It's got a higher brain capacity.
Well, because anybody leaving a Lions game is not drinking and driving from depression, so there's no chance of them just...
Barreling over bicyclists.
You know, we want to just cut to the chase and get them dead so they don't have to suffer all the pain.
Exactly.
Of being a bicyclist.
By the way, $105 million on a one-mile stretch of road.
One mile.
That seems consistent with the Democratic Party.
That's like all their plans.
It really is, isn't it?
That's why I wanted to bring it up, because it'll ruin traffic, it'll mess up everything, it's way too expensive, and it's a lot of money while Flint still has lead in its water.
That's what bothers me the most, and I wanted to bring it up about Michigan.
These are real people who've had this problem, and all of a sudden that's just not an issue, even though how long has this been going on?
What, seven years with Flint?
I know people who've lost their houses, I know people who've lost their children, their families, and we're gonna go ahead and go, you know what?
I saved the day.
I stopped a racist highway.
We actually have an interview with somebody, though, who is going to talk to the highway.
If we can go ahead.
Do we have that?
We have somebody on the street.
Alright, are you there?
He's in Detroit right now.
Alright, are you there? He's in Detroit right now. Are you there? Talking to the...
Oh! Oh no.
Alright. Okay. Yeah.
Oh man, I hope they get to somewhere safe.
Okay.
Like out of the city.
That was a bad idea.
Oh, they've been killed.
Alright, so we're gonna need a new camera.
Alright.
So anyway, this getting back into it.
Maybe we should take that money and instead of deciding to stop a racist piece of concrete, We could use the money to, I don't know, stop poisoning people of Flint.
That could be a decent idea.
And if you want to actually talk about racism and everything else, it's not really racist.
There's white, black, every single person in Flint.
A piece of highway cannot be racist.
It's cement.
Yeah.
Just my opinion.
But who cares about, you know, water?
Because you can get a filter if you ask really nice for one in Flint.
Which brings us to today's sponsor, water.
Did you know Earth is made of 71% water?
Doctors recommend we drink at least 1.2 liters of water a day, just to be on the safe side.
That's a lot of water!
Water is key to our survival, but we don't just drink it.
We have fun playing in it, too.
We wash ourselves in it, and sometimes we even get stuck in a storm of it.
An adult's brain is 65% water, and the other 35% is gin.
But maybe that's just me.
My wife left me, and she has full custody of the children.
That there, that's Jeff.
My kids call him dad now.
He's a lawyer.
In fact, he's her lawyer.
I remember when my wife used to brag about being married to a big-time commercial voiceover guy.
That was a long time ago when she used to wear her ring.
We used to actually have a house on the water, but now it belongs to the bank.
Luckily it was only in my name, so only my credit got ruined.
Thank goodness I'm still able to afford this studio apartment.
It has this pot I'm currently filling with water.
This pot is the only thing my wife left behind.
Besides pain.
I'm gonna use it to make some macaroni and cheese.
Why?
Drink it.
Unless you're in Flint or Mexico.
Or Jackson.
Yeah.
That one is bad, too.
Yeah, that one's not bad.
Democrats killed cities.
By the way, we, uh, canceled the check to that voiceover actor.
We feel like... Why would you do that?
Well, he didn't deserve it.
I mean, he was... We wanted to push him over the edge.
What?
Yeah.
Oh.
It actually didn't clear anyway.
No.
Uh, he did a sponsor for Walther, and it didn't work out.
Didn't work out.
Should've seen that coming.
Yeah.
Anywho...
Our bad.
I think originally my idea was to add a gunshot at the end of it.
No!
It was.
Like, maybe a little bit too far.
You can't make bullets out of it.
One of the beautiful things about writing, not to, you know, to let people in, but Garrett can go with that, is always adding the one extra thing at the end to get away with everything else.
Very important.
Distracts from all the other things you write.
Like, I'll shock you with this so you don't hate me for that.
Yes.
Maybe the hanging legs at the end of it was just a little too... Oh, looks like Brooks was here too.
Yes.
Well, we gotta get into some serious stuff, guys.
Over the weekend, I'm sure you guys have heard about this Russia-Ukraine thing.
I hadn't, but I guess there's some business going on, and perhaps we're on the eve of destruction.
Go ahead, Google that song, play it in your Zune.
Who knows?
Ukraine blew up the Crimea Bridge.
On Saturday, the lone bridge connecting Crimea to the Russia mainland exploded in flames.
Stormed her she watch the truck up the highway. You've probably seen this
Yes, I would most assuredly stop or keep going depending on which side of
I would keep going.
This is like the aftermath, right?
So the train that was passing as well is just all on fire and flames and I mean, it's almost like a twofer for those guys.
I'm not sure if they planned it when a train was passing that was carrying fuel.
Oh, geez.
So, yeah.
Well, an unnamed Ukrainian official said Ukrainian intelligence was behind the attack.
Hmm.
I wonder...
Wait, you mean all the good guys?
The good guys in Ukraine?
Hey, we'll get into this.
I put a flag in my bio on Twitter.
I feel weird about this.
I spent $19 on a shirt.
$19 whole dollars?
Yeah.
So I did something.
Good job, Dave.
I didn't do anything.
No?
Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, well, you must be cancelled.
Well, look what you did.
Yeah, it's my fault.
You did this.
It's mostly on me.
Stephen King is blameless.
Yeah.
The Ukrainian Postal Service announced that they will release a commemorative stamp early next month.
So look, this is a big post.
Is that real?
Yes it is!
Hold on, it gets worse.
Wow, I couldn't have wrote that.
This is just a big thing.
Obviously this has strategic importance, right?
Being able to access the Ukrainian Postal Service.
To know what's going to happen to your mail?
Yes, pretty much.
From one Una Bomber, please accept.
No, but this is also epic trolling.
Can you imagine Ted Kaczynski on one of our stamps?
Just a commemorative stamp.
Just him with a hoodie.
Just Ted.
But it's not only that, they actually had, this was hours after the bombing by the way, they actually had a giant stamp for people to pose in front of.
Look at this.
It looks like it's completely real.
Even if it's not real, these guys are trolling them epically.
But were people killed?
I don't know if anybody was killed by the suicide bomber.
The car closest to the truck looked like it.
I say suicide bomber because even if it's not terrorism, it's still somebody who's doing this and bombing and they're dying, right?
Well, if you're a suicide bomber, that's on you.
Well, and if it's a military action, that's a totally different thing, right?
So that's why we'll get into the wording there, but it's really, I don't have any idea, but I know that this is, you know, you can see what Russia's response is here in just a little bit.
Obviously, they're a little pissed off about it, and they're coming to people for it, so.
It's just funny that these guys are, like, throwing this out there, like, on the day of.
And by the way, this happened the day after Putin's birthday.
Wow.
Happy birthday.
So no matter what side of this you come down on, you're like, that's pretty epic trolling right there.
Did you have a Putin cake for your birthday?
I did not.
I am not a Putin fan.
Really?
I'm also not a fan of the Ukrainian corruption either.
That's not what you tell us every time the cameras are off.
Yeah, every time.
Cut!
Ah, love Putin.
He's like, don't you guys love Putin?
See when he rides that bear.
I want to believe it's real.
He has nice tables.
I'll give him that.
Remember when he brought in that dessert he invented?
The Fig Putins?
Thought it was tacky.
Just like the joke.
They were tasty.
Ingredients were so good.
It's only the fresh.
It's the only dessert I could think of.
Do you remember New York during the BLM riots?
The Fig Lutens?
Oh jeez.
It just keeps going.
The Ukrainians are already posing in front of the giant stamp.
We covered that part.
And one month earlier, on September 7th, the Ukrainian Ministry of Defense tweeted, the weather forecast says it is going to be very hot in Crimea.
Wow, this is a lot of trolling.
I'm telling you, that's the whole point of this story.
It's not like this happened.
Right.
Hey, they're trolling the hell out of them.
It really is.
It's time for the rush invaders to prepare for a swim.
It takes a lot of strength to swim to Sochi or Yizk.
He just had his Twitter suspended.
And the last one is, BTW, the Guinness Book of World Records may include a new record for the longest open water swim.
Wow.
This was a month ago that they were tweeting this out.
I'm waiting for a diss track.
I know, right?
They're gonna drop a diss track on Russia.
I love how bombing threats include BTW.
Yes.
It's like, FYI, gonna kill your family.
Low-key, gonna die.
Thanks for telling me.
Wow, that is a weird... So yeah, it's all... It's pretty funny.
It's trolling.
It's kind of funny, I'm sorry.
It is!
Not the act, necessarily.
No, but the trolling.
And the stamp.
The stamp is... Because nobody likes stamps.
No, unless you're counting me and my vast collection of stamps.
Once in a while there's a person that likes stamps and they're like, yeah, we're going to put it on a stamp.
Oh, commemorative.
Can you imagine you being on the stamp of the bridge behind- I would love that.
Yeah, I will say this.
Russia does have tactical nuclear weapons by the hundreds if not thousands, so.
Which Putin is very excited to use.
Yes, yes.
It's like, oh, you want to put us on a stamp?
Here, we have a new stamp.
Yeah.
Looks like this.
Yeah.
It's gonna be fun when you lick your stamp with three tongues.
Look, it glows in the dark.
Yeah.
It didn't before.
They start tweeting out, I wonder what medicine you can take for radiation poisoning.
Yes, Putin.
Always known for comedy.
Big table.
Doesn't play a piano with his penis, though.
No.
What have you seen in my table?
Yes, it's a big table.
It's pretty big, just like penis.
Big piano.
Too big to play with penis.
Vladimir Putin responded, calling the bombing a terrorist attack.
There is no doubt this is an act of terrorism aimed at destroying Russia's critical civilian infrastructure.
Some conservative pundits also echoed Putin's sentiments.
Ian Myles Chong shared a video.
Ian Myles Chong.
You don't like him?
No.
Ian Myles Chong is somebody that lives in the Philippines, never set foot in America, but constantly tweets on the right wing, but he's not right wing.
Yeah, well this kind of helps, I guess.
So if he's tweeting, don't retweet him.
He's full of shit.
Is he living in the Philippines?
I believe so.
I thought he was the gay gentleman that had a concrete milkshake thrown at him.
No, that's a different guy.
No, that's Andy Ngo.
Andy Ngo is a pretty good guy.
They're not all the same, Dave.
I like him.
Not all Asians are the same.
Andy Ngo's good.
No, I forget that this is Andy Ngo.
It's early and I got confused.
N-G-O.
I didn't mean to be offensive.
I'm sorry, Andy.
I very much like your work.
Andy is great.
He's a good guy.
He is.
Ian, I don't know you.
And you don't know me.
Anymore.
I blocked you.
Ian Miles Chong shared a video of the explosion with the caption, Video footage of the terrorist attack that blew up the Crimean bridge.
Yeah.
So this goes to the point, Garrett, like we were talking about.
I don't know about Ian.
I've seen some of his stuff and I've never really liked it.
I don't look at him very often with his responses on Twitter.
Look, it's not a terrorist attack in the sense of a word.
Like, hey, we're just kind of doing our thing and you guys showed up and did something bad.
It's like, we're bombing the hell out of your country.
We also annexed part of it.
We annexed this particular part of it in 2014.
Our bad.
And then you guys retaliated.
So you can say it was a suicide bomber because the guy is going to kill himself by blowing this bridge up.
That's fine.
But to say it's an act of terrorism doesn't quite ring true.
And for Putin to be like, oh my gosh, it's a terrorist attack on us.
Well, what do you expect?
You're attacking their entire country!
Come on!
What do you want these guys to do?
Apologize?
Yes, you can have the bridge.
No!
This is perfectly fine.
Have we made the cry me a river joke yet?
Nah.
I was waiting for you to do that.
I was even hoping somebody had a soundbite of, was it TLC?
Justin Timberlake.
Oh, he sounds like a bitch.
TLC could kick his ass.
Dude, I love TLC.
TLC's great.
Dude, rest in peace, Left Eye.
I'm sorry?
My girl.
Left Eye.
Left Eye.
From TLC.
Passed away.
She passed away.
I don't know the names.
Don't lie like you don't like TLC.
I like TLC, but I didn't know the names!
You know hip-hop, don't even.
But I didn't know the names, I'm not kidding.
This guy, he chases waterfalls.
He's a scrub.
I am, and they don't want no scrubs.
No.
Remember that.
Sitting in a best friend's ride on the passenger side.
Trying to holler at me?
Come on!
Just stick to the rivers and lakes that you used to, okay?
I have a problem with the lyrics of the songs.
Don't want no scrubs.
Yeah, she doesn't want a scrub.
I'm aware it's a double entendre, but if we get into that in hip hop, nothing means anything.
Ebonics.
Double negative, I mean.
Scrubs, there is hope for you.
I don't want no scrubs.
Scrubs, a guy that can't get no love from me.
Hanging out the passenger side is crummy and right.
Trying to swim a river.
River, cry me a river.
Don't go chasing, cry me a fall.
Doing a mash-up.
Love it when the radio stays on.
Monday Mash-ups.
Awesome.
Crimea.
Monday Mash-ups.
Monday, Monday, Monday.
Don't take the bridge.
Gonna be a hot one.
Hope you can swim.
Yeah, put on your floaties.
Crimea River.
These are Monday Mash-ups.
Yeah, but TLC left, I died, unfortunately.
After she had a pretty rough life anyway.
And she's pretty badly abused by the football player she was dating, I believe.
Ray Rice?
No, but she's one of many.
No, a different football player.
I know it's kind of crazy.
I know, right?
Ray Rice can hit a woman so hard that it closes a casino.
That's impressive.
Wow.
I mean, that's got to be the... Got to play again, I think, right?
Didn't he get reinstated at some point?
He did.
It's a violent sport.
He's like, you can do that to linebackers?
Wow.
I put that guy in the field.
I paid a lot of money to do it.
Minor offense of yours.
Cameras in an elevator.
I was trying to make a point.
I drug her onto the elevator.
I was going to take her.
Well, he won the argument.
Andre Rison.
Yes, Andrea Raisson.
Now, I don't know if that's for sure, but I know that there was allegedly an issue with them and one of them set the house on fire.
I can't remember.
It was pretty messed up.
It's weird.
She had a lot of issues, but I felt bad for her.
She really had a lot of talent.
One of the best parts in House Party 3.
Yep.
She was pretty great in that movie.
Yeah, she was.
And House Party 1 and 2, Robin Givens.
I love those movies.
Every single one of them.
Dude, they're all good.
That was probably one, two, and three.
Somebody brought it up.
This is gonna be a side here.
The American Pie movies are a carbon copy but a white version of House Party.
100%.
They're all the exact same movie.
Yeah.
Same thing.
You have the house party at the end of the movie.
Everybody's dancing and everything.
And then the second movie is about them in college where they have another house party.
And then the third one is a wedding where they have another house party.
Yep.
The same movies.
Only House Party is a better movie.
Yeah.
Well, it is.
I agree.
And if you ever asked a black dude to have sex with a pie, he'd be like, no.
And they'd go, alright, we'll rewrite it.
Like, what in the world is wrong with you?
I'm gonna kick your ass.
Well, hold on.
What kind of pie?
No, still no.
Still no.
Chicken pot pie.
Also, for our superior film, Friday!
One of the best films ever in my opinion.
Dude, I got to work with John Witherspoon a couple times and did a TV show with him, Pops, and he's from Detroit.
I loved that dude.
Witherspoon is just a legend, man.
Dude, just the coolest guy and he was from Detroit so I brought him Werner's and Better Made Chips and he was like, oh dude, he was so excited because he hadn't had them in years.
His brother actually was killed, he was a Motown singer.
Really?
And I didn't know that about it.
Yeah, he was telling me about it.
Really cool guy, dude.
One of the coolest people I've ever worked with, man.
He was so funny.
Anyway, sorry not to break off into that, but I just want to say, he was a cool guy.
Anyway, Russia.
Speaking of not cool guys.
Speaking of not cool guys, like Putin, even though Gerald's a big fan.
Not a big fan.
Big fan.
Not.
In response, Russia has launched a series of attacks on Kiev.
Warning, by the way, this is very graphic, seriously, so please, if you have kids, don't let them see this next part.
It's very unpleasant.
So they shell the park.
Wow.
And a playground area.
That's sad.
Jeez.
Oh, okay, it's a scarf.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be honest.
God save.
Jeez.
Oh, for, oh, okay, it's a scarf.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, I thought that was a face hanging.
Well.
Is it, are people okay?
It looks like so far there's 10 dead, 60 wounded in attacks, not just there but around the country.
This is the largest series of attacks that they've had since the beginning of the conflict and this is obviously Putin's response to this.
And he went on TV and said that this was a terrorist attack and that the responses will keep coming in this manner as long as they keep fighting back, I think was his thing.
So if Ukraine stands up for themselves?
Pretty much, yeah.
If Ukraine does anything to try and slow down the Russian military or fight against them, then this is the kind of stuff, it's just escalations after escalation after escalation.
Sounds like we should continue funding it.
Yeah, it sounds like this is on a, uh, you know, Elon Musk type of track that he kind of predicted.
Millions.
Billions.
Anyway, but the really funny part though is this next part.
So we try to bring you a little bit of comedy, right?
So they effectively blew up a bridge to start this whole deal.
And so Russia decided that they were also going to target a bridge.
It was a pedestrian bridge though.
And so no scenic overlook for you if they destroy this thing, but here's, we've got footage of them trying to hit this bridge.
There's no audio.
No audio.
Just a nice, you know, walk bridge for people to walk on.
Oh!
Oh!
And they're like, we got it!
It's like hitting Independence Day.
They took it out.
That's a direct hit!
I think they missed.
Oh, hell.
They missed.
Oh, son of a gun.
It's still there.
Wow.
Dang it.
They missed.
Fuck!
Now, they did use six Roman candles as the bomb.
Great job, Russia.
That a way to scare them.
You know if you hold them like this, sometimes they explode.
Yeah, they might hurt your hands.
It's so terrible, it's like... Did you guys use sparklers?
That guy, you know whoever was in charge of targeting there is dead now, right?
Oh yeah, he was killed immediately.
You were going to die.
We could not blow up Pedestrian Bridge.
It's made of glass.
What is this?
What is this?
Nobody even there.
Nobody there.
Putin is not known for his sense of humor.
No, he is not.
Long tables, no sense of humor.
No, that's what he's known for.
If he had a sense of humor, we'd have a lot more backing him, you know?
I feel like, yeah, I feel like if he calmed down for a minute and was like, you know what?
I'm kind of a dick.
And also, I have several billion dollars.
I could be just fine.
Yeah, you know I'm alright.
I know Russia owns like the most land in the world, so I should just chill out I think.
Why do I have to be a prick?
Why do I want power so much?
Weird.
I've got a lot of it, I mean.
Ukraine, it's your country.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm kind of a dick.
And we're leaving.
So I don't know what's going to happen, but I think we're kind of... I just think this is really sad.
I don't know how far this is going to go.
I don't know where else it's going to go.
What do you do?
It's a completely different country with a whole history behind each other.
Well, here's something interesting.
Pull up CNN really quickly if you can.
North Korea missile tests were nuclear attack simulation.
Not because of that.
Oh look, it's a lady in white.
Lesbian in white.
He's shooting rockets with me.
Right. Well, no, I mean, it's it's with chubby cheeks.
Cheeks.
It's just nonsense.
No, I guess the broader point is that these guys are flexing their muscles a little bit, too, which means shooting
rockets kind of indiscriminately over Japan.
We saw that over last week.
They had the missile alerts and then the tests are, you know, a test of nuking the South, which is something that the United States has always feared because there's not a whole lot you can do about it because it's so close.
So, I mean, this is just one of those things where it's like, it'd be great if we had some good world leaders.
People to step up and de-escalate situations like this instead of people who forget what part of the stage they're supposed to walk to.
Weak'em in is who we have.
You mean instead of an old man who you wouldn't give a butter knife to to whittle?
True.
Yeah.
That guy.
Well, seriously, somebody has to do something.
How many... We're seriously on the brink of something terrible, it seems.
Potentially.
Yeah.
Potentially.
I don't want to scare anyone.
I mean, obviously, people firing off nukes and threatening them and stuff.
Why would that upset you?
Well, what do you think is gonna happen whenever you have the entire Western world look weak as hell?
And then, of course, you're gonna have the evil countries, or people that are evil, running those countries, coming out and going, okay, well, let's start pushing the boundaries.
Right.
Let's see what we can get away with.
Let's shoot rockets over other places.
Like, that's what we're gonna get.
Right.
Whenever you do stuff like, every year of 2020 and 2021, all of these bad decisions make you look weak.
Yeah.
And you're not gonna do anything about it.
Yeah, not even just weak, completely submissive.
Yes.
Completely capable of doing to you what they do to their own people.
Yes.
So we'll see where this ends.
Hopefully this all de-escalates and we get some leadership in here that takes care of this because I certainly don't want there to be A full-scale war breaking out even more that involves all of Europe or potentially involves Japan, North Korea, South Korea.
It's just a hellacious scenario.
Now these guys could be just posturing.
This is something that they do often where they don't want to look weak or they maybe want to leverage this so that they can get something out of it.
But I don't want to go down that road because what if they're not?
I don't want to allow that possibility to happen, so you have to have power, and that's something that we've forgotten.
Well, they may be weak.
Like, think about this.
What if North Korea is completely weak militarily, right?
The only thing they have is nukes.
So, they are not weak because they have nukes.
If you have nukes, you're not weak.
Like, you just cannot be weak because you have that option.
Deep thoughts.
Right?
But you can be weak enough to use nukes.
Am I anxious?
Is that what's going on here?
But like, that's what I'm saying.
You can get pushed to the brink where you go, okay, my only option is the nuclear option.
Right, your only option is the unthinkable.
Yeah.
And we're, I think we have a, uh, I'm reading a really interesting book about Black Swan.
Black Swan events are these, like, I watched the movie.
Is that the lesbian movie?
Yeah.
It's hot.
Mila Kunis.
Not that!
It's a different movie.
So, we're really bad at predicting whether these things are going to happen or not.
And these are the things that, these are the kinds of situations that breed them, right?
Lots of uncertainty, lots of weakness, lots of posturing, lots of no way out scenarios.
Like, Putin can't look strong.
Putin just launched that attack, by the way.
Everybody's like, oh, this is the biggest attack.
10 people died.
Yeah.
That's terrible, but 10 people died.
That's not Putin being strong.
Yeah.
That's not going to be looked at like, we won.
That's going to be like, okay, well, we sent some drones in and shot some rockets.
What else are we doing?
Because we're still at full scale war with these guys.
10 people.
So people just start having to ratchet up the body count to appear stronger to their population to stay in power.
So that's just a bad place for us to be.
Yeah.
Yeah, evil isn't necessarily strength.
The problem is, is you have different kinds of people in this world, and one is a peacock and one is a lion.
I feel this way.
No, seriously, think about it.
I like it.
You have a peacock where you have somebody who's testing nukes, doing stuff like that, and they're trying to show that they have some kind of hand, but they don't really have the ability to use it or want.
They just want to seem powerful.
The problem is, is if there's a lion, they just kill you.
They don't tell you, they don't talk about it.
It's like death threats.
It's like, are you going to Instagram me, you're a death threat?
I don't feel threatened.
They just kill you.
So the problem is, is one of these... somebody comes out of nowhere and decides to do something,
that's what I worry about.
Not so much the people that are showing up and playing this game, it's what's in the shadows.
And which one of these people are finally going to be the person who just goes, oh, that was the crazy one.
We'll see.
Who knows?
Waiting for the opportunity.
Just an opinion.
That's true.
We get to talk about a softer subject.
Wow, that was a poor choice of words.
To talk about a fiercer choice of subjects.
Yeah, I love that book.
That's not a book.
No?
Didn't see it.
She turned into a black swan.
In real life?
It's freaky, man.
Yeah, that was a good movie for like... There's 10 minutes in that movie that I loved.
I was like, that's a good 10 minutes.
It was the end when she's dancing.
Dude, Kutcher's lucky.
Are they still together?
Yeah.
This little thing?
Yeah.
They didn't stand for Will Smith at the Oscars and then they were like, yeah, we didn't.
Here's why.
And I was like, I like you both.
Okay.
All right.
I never disliked him.
I know he's made terrible movies, but I don't dislike the guy.
Kutcher?
Yeah.
Yeah, I like Kutcher.
People give him a lot of crap.
I don't dislike him.
And her?
Oh.
Hey, speaking of the glass bridge that we were just talking about that they attacked, notice what is right next to it.
Okay, you probably can't read that.
So this is Google Maps.
That is an EU headquarters.
Wishbone?
What?
I didn't.
What's the EU?
European Union.
Yeah, I knew that.
That's crazy.
We'll see.
I didn't. What's the EU?
European Union.
Yeah, I knew that.
That's crazy.
We'll see. I was just asking for the people that didn't know.
That's right.
We gotta talk about a dating app.
We do have to go to Mug Club here in just a second, behind the paywall, but we want to let you know we're going to be talking about a dating app, the new app, the right stuff.
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I don't know the quote.
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