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Aug. 10, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:14:19
The Mainstream Media Declares WAR on Crowder: LFG!!! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
🎵Outro Music🎵 Ahoy!
I'm D-List Celebrity Dave Lando, and you may recognize me from shows such as Louder with Crowder, Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen, and 11 appearances on Margot Robbie's doorbell camera where I'm resisting arrest.
Many people have seen me on Live PD with my pants around my ankles, fighting cops and being tased, saying, I love you, Margot.
I love you.
Well, they say, hey Dave, how do you stay so well groomed?
I'll tell you how.
Lawnmower Manscaped 4.0.
It has a safety shield for my sensitive areas and a light in case I have to shave in the woods in the dark.
Oh my god.
What?
What?
Dude!
Did you use my monkey pox razor?
It's why I switched to this.
No.
You're covered in monkey pox.
You clearly did finnick it!
Read the label!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're not going to get away with this!
I'm sorry.
You're not going to get away with this!
White velvet, my deadly sin.
At thirty-four, I'm uninsured.
My skin is long, my soul is thin.
Oh Oh
Oh It's all the colors of my world.
Trigger warning!
We're not dangerous!
Hear us cry now!
They're defendants!
We want control!
Execution!
Hear us cry now!
They're defendants!
Homophobia!
Patriarchy!
It's my culture!
Execution!
Yeah!
Hey Hey
Can we all put this to rest?
Your love, it makes me feel the best You're one person, you're businessman
My wife's my best, word is consent Rainbow, little red light, no, no
Shallow, low, and no, me, no Porno, vado, hello, skid row
I'm not dangerous!
Can't reply now!
That's dangerous!
We want control!
That's censorship!
Can't reply now!
Use my pronoun!
I'm biracial!
And transgender!
I'm inexactual!
I'm the next one in the nation, yeah!
Trigger warning!
Words are dangerous!
Hear us cry now!
That offends us!
We want control!
That censorship!
Hear us cry now!
That offends us!
Homophobia!
Patriarchy!
Hatred culture!
Pesticulture!
I'm offended you
you you
you Mmm.
Mmm.
Bye.
Is that NyQuil or just the Z-Quil?
NyQuil, yeah.
Good.
Full strength stuff.
Good.
It's a cheat on my alcoholism.
All right.
Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Louder with Crowder.
With Dave.
Happy you could join the show.
Today we are going to be talking about, this week in Biden of course, we're going to have a little segment there for you, MSM calls out Crowder, which is mainstream media.
Don't start nothing.
Not Microsoft.
Won't be nothing.
But they did do that too.
They did, yes.
Yes, Microsoft.
Bill Gates' penis.
Now we have...
We also have to talk a bit about Woodstock 99, the FBI raid, or whatever word they want to call it now because we're redefining every word imaginable, and also lonely single men on the rise.
Who knew?
Good news.
And on the rise is the double entendre.
All right!
Hi, Gerald A. How are you doing today?
I am doing well, sir.
It's good to see you in the chair.
I know Stephen's out preparing.
We're actually doing a super video.
And so he's out doing that today.
Thank you.
That's going to be a lot of fun.
But it's good to see you, sir.
It's good to see him in the chair.
I don't ever get to see you.
I have to look around the monitor to see your beautiful face make fun of me.
Yeah, people don't know we're hidden from each other.
Well, I can see Stephen.
Stephen can see you.
But we have contractual obligations that we cannot see each other.
Yes, it was due to a fight.
Yes.
I didn't win.
We got Token now, and how you doing today, buddy?
Hola.
There you go.
That doesn't make sense.
He's like, I don't know my culture.
I don't know Japanese.
Case to see Hill, how you doing?
Ahoy.
Ahoy to you, my friend.
I'm trying to get a good nickname for him.
I know, right?
I've got maestasy pill.
My dad used to call me shithead.
Okay.
That works.
From the jerk.
Starting it off like that.
Well, I don't think your dad was right.
I think you're a good guy.
Well, it was with love.
Was it shithade?
Shitheed.
Ah.
Good.
O'Connor.
The inner city spell.
Already offended.
All right, anyway.
Tim the Toolman.
Ahoy, how are you?
Good morning, sir.
Good morning to you.
And today we have one of my favorite people in the studio, Crawdaddy.
How you doing?
I'm great, David.
How are you?
Good.
Thank you for coming in.
You gonna talk about my new film?
We are.
We got Where the Crawdad Things coming up later.
I'm just saying.
It's a little foreshadowing.
We've seen the trailer, maybe, and we'll show it today.
Why not?
And Lane the Brain joining us as well.
How you doing today, sir?
Good to be back.
Been a little bit.
Yes, it's been a while since you've been out.
You were looking at wounds, that's why.
He was down at the Roe v. Wade in Washington, dealing with the shenanigans over there.
It took many showers, many cleansings after that to get back to normal.
What an awful place.
Lots of awful people.
Did you get any phone numbers, Lane?
I mean, we talk after the show, I don't wanna...
I wanted to kiss and tell in front of a live audience.
I saw some D-roll.
Should we call it D-roll?
No.
He got an interview with that Kentucky swimmer.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh yeah, that's true.
He's married.
Oh well.
Still married.
What's the point?
Of marriage?
Nothing.
I'm married.
No, that's not true.
No, that's later in the show.
It's a tease for later.
Oh!
Yeah.
Well, I mean... Yeah, we can get into that.
Riley Gaines, she's become quite a cultural icon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She came in second by tying with... I think fourth.
The Howard Stern Gal.
Gal with a satchel.
The Howard Stern Gal.
She looks like Howard.
Anyway.
Well, Trump brought her up on stage at his last speech.
Oh, did he?
Yeah.
To congratulate her?
Just to, you know, point out the injustice of it all.
I didn't see that.
And he said I could out swim her.
He really did?
He's like an NCAA record holder.
He's like, yeah, give me four Big Macs, a couple of Diet Cokesies.
I'm guessing if she was some busted swimmer, he probably wouldn't have brought her up.
Nice photo op for the man.
Oh, for sure.
Absolutely.
Well, let's ask this question for the question of the day.
Does the mainstream media have a responsibility to remain unbiased?
Yeah, does it matter?
I mean, yeah, but yeah, it doesn't matter.
Tell us what you think.
Comment.
But honestly, comment below.
Do they have a responsibility to remain unbiased?
Do you feel that they do?
I do.
I don't want to lead the witness.
I mean, they should.
I mean, they should, right?
That's what I liked about journalism.
Like, you got a good Detroit... Do you remember, like, Mort Krim?
Mort Krim.
Or Bill Bonds?
Bill Bonds.
He was drunk most of the time.
All the time.
Yeah, most of the time drunk, but an unbiased reporter.
My dad tells me a story about Bill Bonds doing a up close and personal on a black stage in a stool.
Spotlight on him.
He leaned back, not only fell off the stool, off the stage.
The day is completely off camera.
They had to cut.
Are you sure you broke your toupee in half?
That's part of the show, people.
Our anchor disappeared from view.
That's beautiful.
Bill Bonds was the best.
That was a real newsman.
Yeah.
Ah, I miss them.
The old days.
You know, I don't know if they have a responsibility, but they ought to disclose their bias.
They should.
That's where we are.
It's okay.
Let them all be biased.
That's fine.
Know that this guy is coming from this angle.
That's what needs to be laid out there.
I think that's a fair point.
You have Tucker coming from a very certain perspective.
Everyone knows it.
My buddy Jimmy Falah, who's on Fox Radio, for example, is coming from a certain perspective.
CNN, they pretend they're not for some reason, but we know.
Yeah.
They always were.
They always have been.
We thought Walter Cronkite was unbiased, but no.
No, well, we thought Brian Williams was in a helicopter.
Who knew?
He was just a hero.
You can also join Stephen and I. We're gonna be on tour with the Rebel With a Cause tour.
We're gonna be in Phoenix, September 16th.
That's Arizona.
Houston, September 17th.
And Charleston, West Virginia, October 8th.
Also, you can catch me, sweet, sweet, buttery Dave, September 30th in Lexington, Michigan at the Lexington Theatre, and October 1st in Bay City, Michigan.
At the State Theater with my boy Derek Richards.
He and I are putting on a little show there.
A little shindig?
Yeah, mostly dancing, river dance.
I don't doubt that, actually.
No, I do a lot of river dancing.
I think you can tell by my physique that I'm a dancer.
Quick feet.
Very quick feet.
Well, the shows you and Steven are doing are monsters.
The ticket sales are just massive.
I click on tickets and it's like an arena, and like almost sold out, and I'm like, this is a weird me.
Yeah.
Well, we scaled it for basketball, we're opening up to hockey, and now we're opening up to... And then when it's women's basketball, it's just everything, it's just the court.
Yeah, I think we passed the WNBA's ticket sales on day one.
I wouldn't mind going to a WNBA game, you know?
Easy bathroom accessibility.
The energy, that's gonna be incredible.
Parking's free.
The dozens of fans are quite passionate.
One of them's got a vape pen and is getting tackled.
Are we trading that woman for like a hitman?
Yeah, an international arms dealer.
The Lord of War.
Do you remember that movie?
That's basically who we're trading this person for.
He was like the Taliban's main supplier of weapons.
So he killed a lot of Americans.
Last name is Boot or something.
I think we absolutely need to get our citizen back.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that.
But that's a big bargain.
Maybe for like some Tito's Vodka or something.
Yeah, something more, you know.
Even if I was over there, I'd be like, look guys, I don't think you gotta go that high.
No, we need her back.
Isn't she the only female on earth to have ever stuffed a basketball?
I don't know that that's true.
Ever slam dunked?
I think so.
Is she?
She might be.
Candace Parker... Was she able to?
Yeah, she could.
Candace Parker won the dunk contest because she just dunked it.
She was able to actually dunk it.
My buddy Eric's sister is a coach.
I'm trying to think of what school, but yeah, she can dunk.
Really?
Oh yeah, she's from Detroit.
Great, great.
Yeah, I should point it out.
But yeah, she's a hell of a basketball player, though.
But I think she's the only one that's dunked without actually jumping.
Oh!
It's like me on a Fisher-Price round.
Little tikes doesn't count, Dan.
No, I don't jump, but I do tiptoe.
You keep swatting your son, though.
That's weird.
Yeah, I only play children.
My son can beat me.
I taught him how to play horse, and I'm like, alright, you win again.
Daddy's got you.
The older you get, the more you realize that the athletics came from my father and my brother, and I should have been a girl.
You still can be, Dave.
There's still time.
Well, very forgiving time.
I'll get a Netflix special.
So anyway, let's talk about this a little bit.
I don't know if you saw this.
You guys, I don't know if you are believers, but at his Finland concert yesterday, Justin Bieber decided to employ
some questionable dance moves.
This is normal in Finland.
Sorry, what?
What is that?
Is he high?
I mean, probably.
Oh, it keeps going!
There's more, in case you were wondering.
That's a lot of goose stepping.
I'm surprised he can walk after crashing his car into that house in LA.
Oh wait, that was Anne Heche.
They shouldn't have put the house in the road.
No.
He's got some talent though, I'm gonna admit it.
He does, he's very talented.
I really like, because he came up as a kid and I never really got it.
I was way past it and then I saw him do some acoustic stuff and I was like, This dude's talented.
He does have some talent.
And then I saw him goose step here and I was like, this is what you want to do.
Yeah, but he held the mic up.
That was the key that made it different.
Oh, well, that's true.
It was his signature move.
He probably looked at it like, looking at the tour, he's like, ah, this is a long tour.
Yeah, Finland's not getting my best.
Yeah, Hitler.
Hitler just wish he had a wireless...
Well, we're looking for his new album, Live at Auschwitz.
Can't do that.
No, him.
I mean, Justin.
He can't.
No, it's closed off for concerts.
Oh, I thought he's doing it still.
Is it cancelled?
I don't know, but Gunderson pointed out to me earlier, you know the song, Where Are You Now?
I didn't realize, and Gunderson pointed this out to me, it's actually about Jews.
Where are you now?
You know, he's looking for them.
Under the floorboards.
That's what he was doing.
He was banging on the stage to see if anybody was under him.
Makes perfect sense.
In Glorious Bastards style.
It really is.
He just sits there and has a Christopher Waltz conversation with a booker.
Are you hiding anything?
Alright.
Well, let's admit the one thing, guys.
I think we can all agree running a country can be hard.
It is, yeah.
But apparently not half as hard as getting dressed or shaking hands.
That brings us to this week in Biden.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
Yeah.
Poor bastard.
I know, right?
This is the leader of the free world.
He had to ask his wife to help him.
Look at his bladder!
There's a little bit of a breeze, I get it, but every man, Darren, knows you turn in a breeze.
Turn!
So it blows the soup towards you.
Ha!
Like a weather vane.
There we go, yeah.
I got the first handshake.
I just had one of the fat boys is there.
Now our great speaker, our partner, who all of these bills we've met.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
Oh, I love it.
Man.
In his defense, with my shoulders acting up, my wife will help me grab a sleeve.
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's that he couldn't figure out what was happening to the suit jacket behind him.
Yeah, I also do that to my son if I have to take him to a wedding and a funeral.
He's seven.
That's roughly equivalent.
Do you help him with his reading glasses?
No, unfortunately he doesn't have them yet.
He's not a nerd.
That's scary though.
It's so sad how, you know, much worse he's getting.
Oh, speaking of worse, they're putting a child next to him right now.
He's signing some legislation on CNN.
This child is... Someone's getting sniffed.
I hope not.
She is definitely in the blast zone right now.
In the sniff zone.
Oh, there it comes!
Oh, the pheromones.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Oh my god, he's so close.
This is live, folks.
They're trying to cut away now.
This is live.
This is live.
She's got a slug tail.
They're trying to cut away now.
Yeah.
That's her.
You smell like cabbage.
Oh.
Yeah.
Come here.
Get closer.
Touch my leg here.
There's your pen.
Oh, you can keep that.
It's very sweet because these people, their fathers died.
Look how smart she is.
It's a very sweet moment, but Biden's creepy.
He's very creepy in these moments.
Is this going to actually help veterans?
This is the burn pit legislation that he signed that was some helping veterans and some helping whatever Democrats wanted.
Yeah, I think more money is going to, uh, not veterans.
Yeah.
Then veterans.
But they're gonna make it look like they were doing it for all the right reasons.
It says, uh, veterans on the bill, so you know it's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Must be, must be.
Yeah, so it's the, it's the false, uh... Set the four trillion earmark to buy, you know, ethanol plants in some Democratic district.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
That's good, yeah.
Yeah, well, I'll, I'll be still waiting for my check, VA.
Still the same address, didn't move.
Yeah, still there.
Send it there.
You can send it to the one that my mom died at.
I don't know, it's funny to me.
It's because it hurts.
All right!
Has the concept of getting rid of earmarks and pork ever been discussed?
I mean, it's unbelievable to me.
It's just assumed.
It should be.
That's the way we work.
Yeah.
It's tragic.
The average American doesn't realize this goes on.
They think a bill is a bill.
It's not.
It's just a bunch of fluff.
That bill we had to look at for the IRS-related bill, it was 755 pages.
And Steve was like, can you just look through this for a second?
I'm like, oh yeah, that shouldn't be too hard.
And then I looked.
It was 755 pages.
There's no way the people in Congress know what they're passing.
Well, no, that's why every bill just ends up like that, because they get it and they're like, what, I don't, yes?
Can somebody look at the notes for this?
Can we get a five page bill, please?
And I'm going to be judged based on the title and what I did with it.
And then a pair of legals like, yeah, I read it.
And they're like, that's cool.
You have painted nails, sir.
I had an Evelyn Wood course.
I had a really good time.
Yeah, of course.
And again, we talked about that with Jon Stewart.
I think his heart was in the right place.
And I think it was good that he had apologized to the Republican.
And I think people who have any sort of compassion want the right thing.
I just don't think there's a lot of people in politics that have that sort of compassion.
No, but the real a-holes are the ones that play on that compassion to try to get their own agenda passed.
Absolutely.
That's the best way to do it, is tug on the heartstrings of people that actually care.
Sad.
It's like an abusive parent, like, using their child to... manipulating their child to get what they want in a marriage or something like that.
Yeah, all bills are essentially, uh... Who's that, Skeddy Gale?
Skeddy Gale?
The gross girl.
Are you talking about AOC?
How dare you, that one!
No, the, uh... The Swedish Gale?
No, the... Thunberg?
The TLC girl?
AOC?
No.
AOC?
I have no idea.
TLC?
Just keep saying their names.
I shouldn't say jokes till I know them.
I bet it was a good one, though.
I bet it was.
Fastest man on his feet?
It's just because I can't do it.
Whatever, Rudy.
It's fair.
So let's talk about something more serious, for real, if you can.
Long pause.
MSNBC also did this, so that's the reason why I'm jumping ahead on it.
MSNBC calls out Crowder last night.
It was, MSNBC had a panic attack over Stevens using the phrase, this is war.
And the comments about war aren't limited to anonymous users.
Right-wing YouTube influencer Stephen Crowder wrote tomorrow is war on his public Twitter account.
The other thing you write about, and I'll read a little bit of this,
it's about the notion of the rhetoric on these crazy far-right forums moving into the mainstream.
You say more mainstream pro-Trump influencers, including podcasters.
Millions of followers on YouTube or Twitter have also heightened their rhetoric.
Tomorrow is war.
Steven Crowder, who has over 5 million subscribers on YouTube and 1 million followers on Twitter, said in a tweet, quote, sleep well.
I don't think I got it.
They broke it up, like it's two tweets.
How much, I mean, that's another whole problem, right?
The mainstreaming of this.
And there's the fact that so much of it seems, whether it's Donald Trump himself, or people who are allied with Donald Trump, they seem to be doing this intentionally.
They're stirring these people up.
Talk about all that.
Yeah, I mean, the Steven Crowders of the world are not going to be on the front line of the Civil War, right?
The one thing that you keep hearing is that they have crossed the Rubicon.
That, you know, this is basically past the point of no return.
Oh, this is from our show, then?
And that they are in a full-fledged war now.
That's the big thing that you're hearing this morning.
And if you're hearing this, by the way, from people like Steven Crowder, who has, what, six million YouTube subscribers on, like, very civilian platforms, can you imagine how bad it is in these telegram spaces?
I can tell you right now it's worse than you'd imagine.
Why is it bad?
One, you're not in front of the White House.
Just saying, if you want to be authentic.
And also it was Honey Boo Boo I was thinking of.
Ah, there you go.
See what I mean?
Cause the mom abuses, yeah, cause she's like scatty.
Let me just say this.
Have they lost the ability to understand that sometimes when you say something like that, you're not calling people to violence?
We'll get to this.
Like we've very clearly said, we're not calling people to violence.
There are other ways to fight ideologies.
When you talk about going to war politically against an opponent, This is moronic.
This is taking something completely out of context and saying, oh, this is definitely what they meant.
They want people to go and be violent.
And then I love how he included sleep well, but he read it as a threat.
Like when the boogeyman says to you, like, sleep well.
What Stephen essentially meant is more and more is happening to you, where more and more government agencies are coming after you, so sleep well.
It was a bit of a tone of sarcasm.
Yeah.
It had nothing to do with a threat whatsoever.
No, and tomorrow is war.
Tomorrow we're fighting this.
Which is, we're on a show that combats that I didn't even have to continue the sentence.
It combats that.
He was very clear about that.
They're hacks.
He's gone in much harder many times before.
Not literally.
He was very clear on it.
He says it, and we'll get to it later.
It's like four times explicitly.
They're hacks.
They know what they're doing.
They know what nuance is.
If you're believing it at this point, you're beyond saving.
Because if you can't see what tactics they're using to smear very Normal, very cordial, political discourse, then I don't know where we go from here, because it's so blaringly obvious what they're doing.
Glaringly obvious?
Blaringly obvious.
Both.
Blatantly?
I don't know.
They're idiots, that's all I know.
Clearly.
It's obvious.
Well, it is obvious.
And if they want to act like they're intelligent, then you can't really pretend that you don't know the language.
You can't really pretend that you aren't aware of what's actually being said.
Because then you have to be held as everything that you've said is accountable.
Exactly.
I could say the same thing to them.
Like, oh, they're going to war against us.
They're saying that this is war and that they're preparing for this.
It doesn't make any sense.
I'm not going to think that these guys, especially those guys on MSNBC, are going to any kind of war.
I know they're fighting for their viewpoint.
I understand how that works.
It's like when Sarah Palin said we need to target these congressional districts.
She's thinking about target assassinating.
It was after Gabby Giffords had been shot and so they tried to fold that in.
It's unbelievable.
Well, it's whatever they'll do to push this agenda across.
And frankly, we don't care.
We don't care anymore.
It doesn't offend us.
I mean, I'm not bothered by it.
No, Stephen isn't.
They're just upset that someone's watching another show and not theirs.
Well, yeah, do you see how conveniently quick we became mainstream?
Like, when did that happen?
I mean, of course we do mainstream numbers, but we've always been fringe until, oh, all of a sudden we need you as the example, so you're mainstream today.
You're mainstream when you're a threat.
That's the only time you become mainstream.
What term did he use, Gerald?
He called us civilian?
Yes, a civilian platform.
Oh, I see.
Not the back channels at the Pentagon, where most... Not true journalists.
It's not the MSNBC platform.
Yes.
Where they've invested in the vaccines.
We don't reach dozens of thousands of followers.
Dave, are you trained in the funny?
Have you been to clown college?
Yes, I have.
And journalism school.
Well, yeah, that's... It is that same thing, though, even as a comic, where it's like, if you take that very seriously, I'm a comic.
Yeah.
You're wrong.
What this whole thing puts to bed is both sides-ism.
It doesn't exist, it's a stupid argument.
Because how many times have you heard Stephen tell people, go watch MSNBC, go watch CNN, I want you to watch this, and then watch us.
Yeah, read Salon.
Go and check out The Hill.
How many times, and I'll tell you zero, they would never want any of their audience to actually watch this show.
Because the narrative would be gone like that.
That's right.
Oh, absolutely.
The only thing we keep on is CNN.
And we actually pulled up what tweets on Twitter we look at, and mine was 50-50 on each side.
I'm aware of both news.
I'm aware of both platforms.
It's also because I don't necessarily side with anything fully.
We source from them.
Of course!
Well, my question to you guys is like, what is the proper response?
So this is the framing right now, and I know we're going to get to a Washington Post article here in just a second, but what is the proper response?
Comment about Gerald's face.
Don't please, not that.
Something happens that's never happened before in history.
You find out information about this that they already knew what documents were there.
They were there talking to their lawyers.
There's a conversation that typically happens in these instances where lawyers say, hey, we want these documents to be brought back to the National Archives, which seems to be at the very center of all of this for some reason.
They finally are relevant for some reason.
What is the proper response if you do something that has never been done before in the history of our country?
What would you like me to do?
Because what I see right now is an FBI run amok, and we've seen it over and over and over, and they typically have either a group of people that they target, but they have one target that seems to be at the top of their list for the last six, seven years, and you do something else to inflame people.
What did you expect would happen?
Well, it's my understanding that one of the bicyclists in the FBI just wanted their padlock back.
Well, they had to get it from somewhere, that's a fair point.
So let's be fair to that. These people have unwittingly created the cleanest presidency ever.
He's been under such scrutiny. Biden has been in the business for 50 years with no scrutiny.
This sword is coming. It's coming his way. No violence. But if you live by that sword...
Don't say sword, Darren.
Guess what? Pretty...
November's coming.
And can he handle the white light of that scrutiny?
I don't think so.
50 years.
Trump was in office for four, and they scrutinized him up one side and down the other.
The only white light he sees, he tries to walk away from every day.
Go to the light!
No!
No, I can't!
I can't yet.
I dropped my glasses.
There's something to be said about waiting and saying, okay, maybe there's some bot, maybe, maybe, I don't think so, because there never has been.
That's possible, right?
It's possible, but so, you know, him peeing on Russian hookers was possible, I guess, and that didn't happen, obviously.
Hey, look, we've all done stuff.
Not like that.
But if it comes out that the only reason they were down there is so they could film National Treasure 3 and look through the National Archives, There is gonna be a storm coming, and I don't- non-violently, of course, I know we have to caveat everything.
Red wave, call it that.
Whatever.
Incredible red wave.
The part I just don't understand is being so brainwashed regardless of what side you're on that it shouldn't concern you, and it's not even- it's sad that it should even take to this point to realize how bad we've been screwed.
You should have realized this before this even happened, but the fact that this hasn't, it shines such a bright light on everything that I'm surprised how people are still defending it and defending it.
But it's the same thing as you have all these videos of Hunter, you have all this proof of money going to him and money going up to his dad.
People go, it's a lie.
It's a complete lie.
Why?
It's there.
Like you're just, you're being difficult for no reason.
Well, they just want you to go quietly as they change everything.
Like we're going to do all of this stuff.
But that's not even the mainstream.
That's just this elite group telling people what to think and they're still pushing that narrative even though they're being screwed by it.
They've gotten away with it for long enough.
They think they can do it.
They tell you a lie and then anybody who tries to oppose the lie is the problem. And they can do it. And that's what they've
been saying this entire time and and you wonder why. So in this Washington Post article,
again we're going to get to that right after this in a quote, but this isn't in there. This lady
said that as the right says that these institutions that were set up for us to peacefully resolve
differences, right, so the institutions of government that we've set up to be able to peacefully
resolve our differences, as the right erodes trust in those institutions. And I'm like do you do
you have any self-awareness at all?
We're not eroding trust in those institutions.
We're literally just calling balls and strikes and saying, hey, they're doing something wrong.
We didn't make them do something wrong.
We didn't make up something wrong that they did.
We pointed out what they did that was wrong.
That's it.
If you have a problem with the institutions, people not having faith in them, that's the institution's fault.
Not the people pointing it out!
Absolutely.
And that's the point that she makes in her article.
That was kind of the overarching point is we're the problem because we're eroding trust in these institutions and of course that's going to lead to violence.
And why wouldn't you erode trust in the institutions?
You mean the ones that are untrustworthy?
You're right.
That's the whole point of this.
I don't understand this.
I have no concept of reality that makes sense from their side right now.
And I would love for somebody to explain it to me.
Let's say this form of justice, the judicial system, I guess you would say, is part of that, right?
We've seen the racism, the classism, and everything that sort of existed in that, right?
So all of a sudden that doesn't exist?
It's always been perfect.
It still is perfect.
Right.
It's always been a problem.
But then when you actually prove it, it's like, no, it's perfect.
It's great.
They should be in that house.
Why?
Well.
Yeah.
Well, let's talk more about this, the people coming after the host of the show.
Not me.
Yet.
Well, no, they came after me yesterday.
The day is young, Dave.
I wrote a deliberately stupid tweet about when are they going to go after a height in a lager or something, and they were like, the number of people that attacked me as if I was sincerely meaning for that to be funny was astonishing.
They're just like, go you son of a- whatever, they have dirt on them.
It's like, have you not seen the Endless Videos?
That he recorded?
It's crazy!
I don't even mind the hooker thing, it's just he takes taxpayers' money.
Really, it's like smoke all the crack you want, I just weren't paying for it.
Not even getting a kickback on it.
No, it doesn't, it's insanity.
In a Washington Post article titled, Simmering Threat of Violence Comes to Fore with Search of Trump Property.
That's a long title.
That is a, I fell asleep halfway into it.
Hannah Allum wrote, within hours of search of Mar-a-Lago, a chorus of Republican lawmakers, conservative talk show hosts, anti-government provocateurs, and pro-Trump conspiracy theorists began issuing explicit or thinly veiled calls for violence.
Those are two different things.
Yes, very different.
Explicit and thinly veiled.
She then added, today is war.
That is all you get on today's show.
Right-wing podcaster Stephen Crowder announced Tuesday to his nearly 2 million followers on Twitter, referring to the program that goes to his YouTube audience of 5.6 million.
I appreciate that you finally recognize that we have some popularity.
Yeah, I do appreciate the number count.
I don't appreciate your writing.
No, no, no, the writing's terrible.
In Stephen's defense, he did say war just on the show.
Yeah.
So for that hour and a half only.
He did.
It was on a limited basis.
He said gore several times.
He was talking about the band.
Yes.
Different.
How can they feign shock at the response that the right is giving, or specifically that this shows you?
How do they act surprised by that when, if you look at every single institution, every lever of government, besides the Supreme Court, it is explicitly controlled by Democrats?
And then every time something like this seems to happen, it happens in one direction.
And now finally people are saying something like, oh my god, I can't believe it.
They're essentially turning government institutions into an authoritarian wing.
It's like when Xi Jinping became the president of China, he went on his anti-corruption campaign.
Well, all that was was to weed out all the people that were dissenting against his views and his ideas.
If you could explain what the difference is here, I'd love to hear it.
Well, you know what makes this even more perplexing to me is that this comes from the generation that was anti-government.
This comes from the generation that spent all of their time growing up Protesting the government because they didn't trust the institutions of the United States of America and now they're in power and wondering why people question.
By the way, our system of government is set up specifically for this.
The government is never supposed to have a free pass to do whatever they want.
The citizenry absolutely can question the government at every single turn.
We go through elections to change it.
We don't go through war necessarily to change that, right?
But we are supposed to be able to question at every single turn.
Of course you should fear for your job if you're in politics.
If you make a decision that the people don't like, you should fear that you are going to get voted out and run out of office.
That should be your fear.
And if you go even further than that, then I understand that there are processes within the judicial system to take care of that too, but what do they expect people to do?
Just sit there and go, oh yeah, yeah, I don't like what's going on in the government right now, but I'm just a citizen of this country.
I have no responsibility for what actually happens here.
I don't have kids that have to live here in 20, 40, 50, 60 years, and that they don't have potentially kids that are going to have to live in a country too.
I don't need to preserve democracy.
I know people have died for it by the thousands, by the hundreds of thousands, but no, I can't be bothered to actually, you know, pay attention to what's happening.
Well said.
Well, I mean, if we're supposed to be a people in charge of our government, shouldn't they be afraid of us instead of now where we're constantly being afraid of them?
Because that's what's been laying into us endlessly now.
The only power they have is the power we have given them.
It is not theirs, it is ours.
And they're taking way more than we've given them.
They've taken way more money than we've given them.
They've taken way, way, way... Even the idea of being a politician is about serving the public, and I haven't seen many, and this goes right or left, that I've seen that do anything for the public.
I see nothing but self-interest.
Speaking of self-interest, my favorite guy is coming up next.
Adam.
Adam Kinzinger.
I don't know that there's a politician that's supposed to be on our side that I dislike more than Adam Kinzinger.
He also sits down to pee.
I don't know this for a fact.
Listen, sometimes it's warranted.
Oh no, I'll do it in the middle of the night so I don't loudly wake up everyone.
Or, you know, in the morning when things are... Yeah, you wanna relax, you wanna look at the phone.
A rather, you know, large stream.
Yeah.
You wanna make a mess.
Easy, Gerald.
You're getting the toaster warmed up, deciding if you're gonna make it through the day.
You gotta pee, you gotta pee!
Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
I have rubber sheets.
I also have leather sheets.
I don't want my bathroom to look like CSI needs to investigate.
Come on!
What are you doing in your bathroom?
Just normal stuff.
He's had a lot of dongs when I was over there.
He had a lot of dongs?
He was in Vietnam, Dave, to be clear.
What's a dong in Vietnam?
It's their money.
Oh, is it?
It's just a silly name for currency.
I heard Gerald's voice and his lips weren't moving.
Yeah, it's weird how that happens.
Is it of a very low value?
Is it a small denomination?
It really is.
It takes a lot of dongs to make things happen.
Yeah?
Another one.
Oh man, you wouldn't believe it.
I mean, so many dogs when I was in Vietnam.
Just slinging them left and right, man.
Everywhere you go, I was just like, DONGS!
You want a DONG?
Here, you need a DONG.
Go ahead.
Casey's just cracking up here, because we have so many soundbites from the show.
Yeah, he's just cutting these, I know.
Sometimes I do it to myself.
Well, I enjoy the fact that we have, I love DONGS, or whatever you just said.
Now I just said it.
I didn't say that at all, Dave!
In fact... Look, I don't mind a DONG.
I just want it to be worth something, that's all.
Look, I have many DONGs that I hope to one day be valuable.
There you go.
I kept some and brought them home.
They're trophies, if you will.
From my teen gardeners.
Alright, so let's talk about Adam Kinzinger, speaking of creeps, cried about Stephen using the phrase, this is war, in one of his tweets.
We gotta pull that up.
Sorry.
I wasn't criticizing.
So you can just say this on Twitter now.
That's what he said.
Yeah, Adam.
You can say a lot of stupid shit on Twitter.
Have you been on Twitter, Adam?
Just read mine from yesterday.
You can say death threats and then you report them and they're like, nah.
Not because it's you.
You can say the worst stuff imaginable on Twitter because it's a wasteland, but here's the thing.
You can say that on Twitter because he wasn't making a threat.
Right.
That's probably the most important part of that tweet.
Steven was saying that we're standing up for something because we think what happened was wrong.
Everything that he said, to be clear, Steven was never calling for violence.
If you don't believe me, just take a look at exactly what he said yesterday.
This is so wrong, so tyrannical, there needs to be a hill that you're willing to die on.
This is it.
Now, I don't mean literally.
I'm not calling you to violence, unlike what's being implied on Twitter.
Eric Swalwell with a fight like hell, banging Chinese spies.
Today's the day that we all have the right to be pissed off, to yell, to scream, to behave not as egregiously as the left, It's time to fight fire a little bit with fire, and today we're also going to get into, I was really spending all night, and I didn't sleep much, thinking about what is it that I can do, what is it that we can do here, where we can offer you quantifiable steps that you can take.
And some of those are going to have to be addressed on Mug Club, not on YouTube.
Not because it's a call for violence, not because it's a call for a physical civil war.
But because I don't know the rule book and I know that they're on high alert over there at YouTube.
Claim to be carrying our mantle, Republicans, Conservatives.
They need to fear you.
Not saying violence.
I'm saying they need to fear you going on a campaign to remove any and all of the power they so desperately, desperately desire.
That's interesting.
Pretty.
Seems kind of clear that it in no way was an actual.
Hmm.
I don't even want to say actual threat, it just wasn't a threat.
These people don't have time to watch the show, so they must be fed by the Media Matters folks.
Just monitor us and then parse that out to MSNBC.
Do we have a Media Matters moment clip?
No.
I'll do it.
I know you deeply desire to flick them off.
I should have thought about that earlier.
Just do a little spread eagle.
Yeah, what do you think the chances are the Washington Post reporter or the MSNBC hack actually watched the show?
No, no.
There's no way.
How about this?
11%?
Maybe go through the... I don't know.
And then if they did, it was 11% of the show.
Right, yeah, exactly.
Maybe go through the steps of pulling a transcript of the show.
You know you can do that, right?
You know you can do that and then do a search and make sure you understand what he actually said.
It's a publicly available show.
Well, yeah, but nothing, you know, nothing reads tone like a transcript.
That's the problem is they don't look into any of this the way that they should.
It's just so stupid.
Like, when we pull clips of people saying things, we're very careful to make sure that we take them in context.
Because we don't want to get it wrong.
We don't want to make it sound like somebody's saying something that they're not.
Joe Biden smells cute.
He does!
Yeah, exactly.
It's not like you guys are just having fun messing with me.
We're actually trying to do the right thing and show what people actually believe and say.
And honestly, Steven gets pissed off if we bring something and it's like, no, no, no, that's not the full deal.
because it's not what somebody is actually saying. These guys don't care about that.
Stephen's been labeled, and by proxy all of us too, right?
We've been labeled as right-wing provocateurs. What are we saying that's provocative? We
want you to have more freedom. We want the government to have less control over your life. We want
there to be more prosperity. We want every class of people in this country to feel like they can do it.
Not that you have to have somebody help We want to help people that are in need, but we think charity is probably a better way than stealing money through taxation and spending it on Ukraine and other stuff that people like, by the way, the Inflation Reduction Act where they're doing a whole bunch of climate stuff in there.
That'll definitely reduce inflation.
That's...
That's all we want.
I don't know.
I think it makes sense to send $90 billion over to the Ukraine and then go after Etsy and eBay accounts and keep printing money.
It all works out.
I do hate Etsy though.
This can't fail.
They're not all wrong, Dave.
Please stop going at my Etsy accounts.
I make wonderful bracelets.
They're for friendship.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I'm sure they are.
You got one.
I got one.
Did you like it?
I got two.
I didn't.
You didn't get one?
Do you think it sucks for these people, Gerald, when they finally realize that they're the man?
I don't know that they ever have.
They're the old geezer.
They're the fuddy-duddy.
They're the person who's out of touch.
They're every institution, as Lane said earlier.
Yeah.
You've lived long enough to be one.
Well, the problem is a lot of people don't realize that they're that until they're being thrown into a mass grave.
And I hate to be that blunt, but it's the truth.
And all the fun.
All the snark.
All the edge.
All the rock and rolls on the right.
All of it.
Yeah.
They just, they are the man.
Well, it's interesting to even look at that side of the left because it's this idea of like, you should all be accepting and we're all anti-bullying yet they use all tactics of mob mentality.
Yeah.
Blindly attacking and only going after people once it's deemed safe to destroy someone.
They're the completely, the mainstream media, the left, everything at this point, it's just kicking someone when they're down.
That's all they do.
And one thing, just as a final point on this, in that article... Don't you tell me when there's a final point.
No, no, no, I'm saying the final thing I'm going to say about this article.
He's got a paper name on the sign.
Excuse me.
I have beaver teeth and I have drawn a beaver.
How do you have time for that?
I don't know.
On the show?
While you were talking.
I was listening to nothing that I say.
I was bored in that two minute diatribe of nonsense.
I love it!
I'm just glad the... I'm joking, I drew it before.
I'm just glad the balcony is clear today.
I know, right?
Otherwise I'd be getting heckled, I know.
They were... well, it's not clear, they're just making out pretty hard.
Who has the time to listen?
She made a point and she referenced something.
She said of course the rhetoric on the right is getting more violent as evidenced by January 6th.
She said that twice.
That's the evidence.
The thing that they've drummed up.
The thing that they have made into the greatest threat to democracy that's ever existed in the United States of America is now being used as evidence that of course the right is getting more violent.
The greatest threat was that raid at Mar-a-Lago.
Far worse than January 6th.
Well, and I saw George Takai, brilliant, tweet something out about how the left and threat violence in 2011 when Hillary got investigated, whatever it was, and it's like, what are you talking about?
Are you talking about when Obama was in office?
Do you realize anything that you mean?
It's an entirely different time now.
Do you mean when she got our ambassador killed in Benghazi?
And then she bleached an entire server hiding the proof?
Which, by the way, I saw left-wing people.
They were protesting everywhere because of it.
Nobody was on her side at the time.
And were they threatening violence?
Yeah!
They have more trouble with some dude on Twitter saying he's gonna, I don't know, do whatever, than an entire mob killing a ton of contractors and an ambassador.
Right.
That's cool.
No, it's fine.
That's chill.
But it's, yeah.
Well, her husband takes a sex plane over to Fiji.
If you're gonna fly, Dave.
That's true.
Air Epstein.
I noticed Casey didn't hit the allegedly button on this, sorry.
Why would you?
There's no allegedly.
In case a noose falls from the overhead compartment.
Secure yours first.
Before your child you've just had sex with.
Well, it's not like it's fake.
Anyway!
Alright.
Well, you know what I can say to these people, honestly?
There has to be thorough research done on this show because we are at risk of always being pulled off.
That's why Stephen was careful with his words yesterday and the day before.
That's why I'm careful... I'm not really that careful with my words, but... Careful-ish.
Ish.
Gerald is very careful with his words.
I think everybody on here is careful with their words.
But we do have a sincere point here, and the idea, too, that with the whole right-wing and taking that over, I have been very open about the fact that I have a left ideology that is very open.
I believe in God.
I believe in a lot of things.
But what is going on now and on that side has nothing to do with any principles involving freedom of speech or anything that I was raised to believe in or anything that I would have ever really considered democratic.
You're just part of a system that is dividing this country in half.
And I encourage you to stop allowing it.
That's all I can really say about it.
And I think that was more of Stephen's point yesterday, is open your eyes and stop blaming everything on one guy.
Just because you don't like his tweets.
But I miss his tweets.
I do miss his tweets.
They were freaking hilarious.
You know what I miss?
Hairy balls.
I'll tell you what.
I don't.
Just kidding.
That's the last thing I miss.
I do not miss them at all.
Because I don't know if you guys have heard, it's smooth sex summer.
Did you know that?
I did.
I actually, this is great.
Do you have a manscaped?
I do.
It's great, isn't it?
I love it.
I love it too.
Fantastic.
I like to watch you use it.
Oh, that's weird.
You don't know I'm there, but you have a tree with branches that They support my weight.
Not long.
It's just me with little binoculars.
You don't need them, Dave.
You don't need them.
Hey, Gerald.
My God, look at that thing.
I don't know if that's Dame Edna or Mrs. Doubtfire.
Doubtfire.
That's Doubtfire.
It's when she has the cream pile over her face.
Which is a weird... That was weird.
I realized the sentence after.
Now that's just called a movie.
Are you trying to say Mrs. Doubtfire may have used Manscaped?
I think Mrs. Doubtfire may have used Manscaped.
It is interesting if you think about that movie that no one noticed Robin Williams' forearm.
Did you notice Mrs. Doubtfire is a gorilla?
No, because she used Manscaped.
So when you're playing in the sun, make sure you're scaped from pubes to the bum.
With Lawn Mower Manscaped 4.0.
Use our discount code, Crowder20.
That's 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com.
And I'm not kidding.
Guys, it's good.
It's got a light on it for when you want to shave in a tent or a porta potty.
Tell them about the Taint Guard, Dave.
There's a great Taint Guard.
I didn't know that that's what it was called.
Yeah.
It's actually a guy who comes to your house.
I don't think that fits in the box, Dave.
He's got a big hat.
That's a lawnmower 4.5.
I'm sorry, that's the thing I invented.
Lawnmower man 4.5.
But yeah, there is actually a safety guard, which is very important because me, I get real shaky still from not drinking.
And I don't want to, what's the word?
Slice my sack.
More of a phrase, really.
More of a phrase, yeah.
It's why I have it tattooed on my arm.
Don't slice your sack.
I told you you were going to regret that.
People go, I don't.
It reminds me.
People go, is that a song lyric?
And I go, it's not.
It's just a way of life.
So go ahead, again, manscaped.com, 20% off, plus free shipping.
Get yourself a shaver.
Guys, you need it.
We're gross.
Women are beautiful.
Honestly, they just look better than us.
So let's try to do something.
What are you doing, Tim?
It's nice for us, it's nice for you, and honestly, in the summer, especially in the Texas heat, I take a shower, I go outside for five minutes, and I'm like... That was a waste of time.
Is that my... was that my hair above?
Alright, anyways.
Well, look, really quickly, hey, thanks for supporting the sponsors who do have the Nicely shaven balls to sponsor this show.
We really appreciate that and thanks to all you guys.
We sell obviously merch as well.
We got a little bit of grief yesterday because people were like, oh you're promoting merch.
Yes.
We weren't promoting merch to take advantage of anything.
We were promoting merchandise because We did a Fight Like Hell shirt a long time ago, and we thought it was very, very relevant today for people to see what team you're on.
If you want to pick something else, fine.
But not everybody can subscribe, not everybody can join Mug Club, not everybody's going to go out and buy a Manscapedo.
You should try it if you like that stuff.
But you can buy a shirt.
You're going to buy shirts.
So that's something that we do.
So if you want to give us grief, go for it.
We're not out here.
This isn't a grift.
We've been doing this for years.
You understand our viewpoint for a decade.
Of course.
And complete transparency, I didn't even have to wear it.
I just spilled my morning spaghetti all over the one that I wore to work.
And they gave me it to wear as backup.
So that was just a coincidence.
Yeah, absolutely.
Lane, you know how I love my morning spaghetti.
Yeah, that's weird.
We have a good tradition that we have going on.
Lane and I have a full Italian... It's a nice pre-show ritual.
Goodfellas jail meal.
Yeah, it was great.
$27 million in merchandise sales just yesterday.
Weird.
Yeah, it's crazy.
All crypto.
It's like a shirt or two.
may not hold. And rubles. Yeah. It's all in Dogecoin.
Actually, it was Dongs. So, oh, the conversion. We got 27 million Vietnamese Dongs. Yeah.
So it's like, and some money.
That's like a shirt or two. So please send us your Vietnamese Dongs and we'll send you
Yeah, I love that it pisses off all the right people.
Yeah, thanks for everybody for retweeting our advertisement tweet with the promo code in it.
It's very nice of you.
Yeah, I'm really, really, really disheartened, bud.
I mean, no, don't do that anymore.
Yeah, please.
I don't want to make money.
We're really offended by all those retweets.
You're just helping us put out more content to kick your ass.
It's a business.
What do you want?
We have to make money.
The next headline will be funding the war through t-shirts.
Good lord.
I mean, don't go to see us live or anything, or go to DaveLanda.com, you know, Fort Charlotte, Florida, Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Oh no, don't do it!
Don't buy those shirts, they're terrible!
I heard they found, during the raid, I heard they found a Fight Like Hell t-shirt.
They did.
Oh yeah, they did.
And he's a Crowder fan, so that's, I mean... There's actually a piss-off YouTube.
Except it's just him pissing on you two.
He wanted the pleasure of doing it himself.
Yeah, that's not a Russian at all.
I'm sure they employ a Russian or two.
There's also, we're going to talk about this now, speaking of which, the FBI raid update.
I know that they're changing the word raid to shenanigans or trick-or-treating.
Yeah, take a picture of the definition online now before it gets changed.
Do it for posterity.
But comment, if you like, during this, please.
Just what you think about it.
What do you think about the FBI raid?
What word do you think they should use to describe it?
Maybe horseplay?
Shenanigans?
Tomfoolery?
Tomfoolery is a good one.
Gerald?
Afternoon tea.
Afternoon tea is a nice one.
I like that.
Are you into crumpets?
I am, yes.
Finger sandwiches are always great.
Like the salmon of Capistrano.
That's from Dumb and Dumber.
All right, so the facts are surrounding the FBI's raid of Mar-a-Lago.
Continue to roll in.
But according to the White House press secretary, Biden knew nothing about the, you know, the thing.
Can you tell us anything more?
Was he watching the news?
Was he scrolling Twitter?
Did someone in his staff flag it for him?
I can tell you this, he was not aware of the Mar-a-Lago raid, I don't know what you guys are calling it, before it happened.
So I can...
Oh, sorry, my headphones fell off.
I shouldn't have buttered them.
Sorry.
It's fine.
I know you like your buttered headphones.
You know I like a grist goat headphone.
Did she have a titty cast?
A what?
She had like a yellow or a pink...
I think it was the design of her clothing.
Oh, was it?
Thanks for taking that literally.
So the law professors have been critical of the raid and its pretext.
Clearly not a pedophile, Alan Dershowitz said, it was totally unjustified.
Even one FBI agent would have been too many.
Jonathan Torley said, This is a historic raid.
The public needs to know the reasons for the Justice Department's decisions.
William Jacobson said this is a provocation.
They are trying to get a reaction that allows a further crackdown.
The raid took more than nine hours, during which no one was allowed in Agent searched Melania's wardrobe.
I don't blame them.
Better count the panties.
Broke into Trump's safe, which was filled with Big Macs.
Rifled through drawers.
The warrant, however, only covered presidential records and evidence of classified information.
The location of which was already known.
Investigators went down to Mar-a-Lago and actually met with Trump's attorneys.
We are told it was back in early June, they believe, and they met with Trump's attorneys.
I am told that they were shown a room that had boxes of documents that were there, that days after they left Mar-a-Lago, they sent a letter to Trump's attorneys asking them to further secure the room.
That guy looks like Liam Neeson.
Just hit him with a gun.
I love this.
I love it.
It's like, what are you looking for here?
Oh, we're just, you know, boxes of documents.
Oh, you mean the ones that you looked at, you know, three or four weeks ago?
Yeah.
The ones that you told, said, Hey, put the padlock on the door that we put the padlock on the door for you that you provided.
That's right.
Those documents.
But we made a bigger deal now.
Yeah.
So you got to have agents there for nine hours to sort through this.
You gotta understand, Gerald, our poll numbers are way lower than they were when we came the first time.
I have a question.
If you wanted the Republican Party to unite behind Donald Trump more than they already were, potentially, right?
DeSantis is out there.
Trump is out there.
If Trump decides not to run, it's probably DeSantis' race to leave.
If Trump runs, he probably is the frontrunner.
Did you want Donald Trump to run again?
Because this just galvanized his support.
People that don't like Donald Trump are looking at this going, what the hell?
Absolutely not, I support this guy.
It's like what demonetization does for muggers.
Yes!
It's so stupid.
It rallies everybody.
It really makes very little sense.
But I think that we really want to know the real reasons they were in there.
and here are seven plus reasons the feds really raided Mar-a-Lago.
You forgot Vivan in the chamber!
There's always one in the chamber.
Every single time.
Number seven.
They wanted to stop him from putting ketchup on a well-done steak.
That's fair.
That's fair.
A-1's there for a reason.
It's true.
It's true.
And it isn't.
Unless you're a terrible quarterback in Kansas City.
That's true.
Number six, Gerald.
To seize the Valentine's Day card Steve Bannon gave to him.
Hugs and kisses.
Crawdaddy, give me a five.
To find his 4D chess board.
Oh!
Boom!
Lay in the brink and hit me with a four?
Number four, I mean, it was the only way they could afford a vacation in Florida in this economy.
That's actually true.
Gas is high.
It is extremely true.
Number three, to steal gold from his toilets to back the U.S.
dollar.
Look, if you're going to spend some time in a room on a seat, might as well be gold.
Yes, of course.
Well, it's true.
Number two, Crawdaddy.
They wanted the Apprentice Season 8 sex tape of Dennis Rodman and Joan Rivers.
I like that tape.
Nobody wants that.
Nobody wants that tape.
I can just see me after the show.
No!
I wonder who has worse hair.
Alright, so, uh... He's in a wedding dress with a hole cut in it?
Yeah.
So terrible.
Number one.
To get their DVDs of Home Alone 2 Lost in New York signed except the one guy who brought the little rascals.
How dare he.
And of course, the number one reason.
Lane.
The plus one reason.
Oh sorry, the plus one.
It's because Mar-a-Lago is wonderful.
It's just the greatest.
You can ask anyone and they'll say, this place is the greatest.
There you go.
And that is 7 plus 1 reasons that we believe the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago.
You forgot to turn in the chamber!
Always, always forgetting the one in the chamber.
So, uh...
Do you think we do this maybe next week?
I think maybe we save it for tomorrow.
So we're going to talk about some lonely single men either tomorrow or next week.
It's a pretty good segment.
We don't want to rush through it.
There's a lot of great information.
No, there's really good stuff in here.
There's apparently a lot of very lonely single men out there.
Yes, there are.
I think Stephen would be interested in talking about this too.
Yes.
It's really good stuff and fabulously funny at the same time.
Yeah.
One of our researchers, Kevin, is fantastic.
So he wants to be able to talk about lonely single men.
I actually just got me a bass, a Squier jazz bass, and I've been playing it, and I just kind of want, I was talking to Casey about it, and I just can't, I can't finger a guitar like I used to.
Mr. Guitar, he's my neighbor.
I, um... It's dexterity.
It's a perishable skill, Dave.
No, it's just my figures are very ladylike and long, so they work better on a bass, believe it or not.
Really?
Yeah, so I, uh... Can you slap it like the Seinfeld track?
I'm trying to, I'm not big... That's a great sound.
It really is, and I'm a huge fan of Les Claypool, who's like the king of the bass slap, and just probably the greatest bassist ever.
I heard a guy last weekend that was just stellar.
Really?
Upright bass, and then switched to the Oh, did you really?
I just love the sound.
Also, I like that it's like, it can be upbeat, jammy, and also like extraordinarily melancholy.
Yes.
So maybe I could play bass too while we talk about lonely men.
And their suicide rates.
Where's my friends?
I got no one.
Maybe, maybe not.
No?
Maybe not.
We were just bringing a lonely guy.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm lonely guy.
Let's see if we can break you, lonely man.
That's pretty interesting.
That guy's probably lonely.
Well... Because you know his face.
They tried to murder John Bolton?
I'm kidding, of course.
He's a very handsome man for CNN.
The Iranians are just fun.
Baggage.
Fun.
What is just going on in the Middle East?
That's what I say.
What the heck?
Is that the Middle East?
It is.
I'll do it.
He's kidding.
Nuance.
There's nuance.
You know, that's what I said. He also said there was a second job
Is that the police which is to pay up to a million dollars to carry out perhaps another?
Assassination, so that's what the concern of the FBI we've heard
Me wise there's nuance. Oh, sorry. Give me a million Vietnamese dongs and I'll take them out
You can buy a burger.
Oh, there's the Thundercat.
And who's on the left there?
Murphy Brown?
Boy, that's dated.
I know, right?
A little bit.
There are three fans that got us.
No, she's very old now.
She's very, very... Oh!
Farmer John Bacon, $6.99.
What are you guys trying to do here?
$1.99, are those good apples or the kind of apples you throw at cars?
I love it.
By the way, the tagline there, inflation slows to eight and a half percent.
It's still in the stratosphere.
That's fine.
What does that normally take, seven years?
Exactly.
At this pace, we'll be dead by the time it gets back to normal.
Thanks.
It's a real win, Joseph R. Biden.
I want people to know who are watching.
Son, you're not going to college.
I'm just cashing that in.
Let's just say that now.
It's ridiculous.
I hope you have a good set of skills that can keep you employed.
Because I will not.
I don't care.
I hope you're an art thief.
It's not gonna work.
Why?
It's just, who cares?
Do you know how good of an art thief I am?
No.
Have you ever seen my gymnastics skills when it comes to lasers?
Can you still NFTs?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
But are you as hot as Catherine Zeta-Jones going through the lasers?
Not as hot, but you'd be surprised about my curves.
Great ass!
Really?
No, I usually just trip immediately.
Yeah.
Oh, I set it off again.
Margot Robbie's doorbell.
Take me away, boys.
You again.
They don't even arrest me because they feel sad.
You know who I bet has some moves?
Who?
Rod Eddy.
I bet he's, oh yeah.
I think so.
Yeah, you're tall.
You're flexible, I hear.
As my wife helps me put on my sports shoes.
That seems to be running away from you.
Yeah, you're like, oh yeah, nothing like chronic pain to make me want to steal a painting.
Guys, all we just need is some hairspray, you know?
Spray that in the air, and we'll get the Mona Lisa.
Love it.
I don't even want them on at least. It's an ugly painting.
She's ugly. Sorry.
She's an ugly person.
She is.
She's got a bitch face.
She has a resting...
Plain hair.
Bitch face.
No hairspray. You can tell she didn't do it.
Well no, they didn't even wash it back then. It was an annual bath where they got...
Ugh, the dirt.
She's kind of a 1am in the morning.
at the bar hot.
She's not 11 hot.
No, no.
She's not even 11 to talk to.
Lane, I have genuine concern for you now.
Why?
She's a 1 a.m.
at the bar hot?
Yeah, like, you know, it's almost closing time.
I mean, she's still there.
She's got that look.
That means you've struck out for four hours.
Yeah, consistently.
Well, as Blaine and I would call that, it's called dating.
I'm just glad he didn't say, she's not a 2 a.m.
at the bar last chance hot.
You wait for all your friends to leave with attractive ones, then you're... No, AOC is like a 2 a.m.
at the bar hot.
Yeah.
We're talking.
Yeah.
We can get into that next time.
4 a.m.
You just slide on over to that ditch pig and you're like, what's up girl?
Give her a fake name.
Rent a hotel that's not more than $30.
For the hour?
You know what I mean?
What are you going to do with the rest of the 58 minutes?
Just saying, it's not a bad... Dig a shallow grave?
Yeah, it's not a bad idea, it's a terrible idea.
It's a great idea.
It's not.
What do I know?
I've been dated in 20... Oh my god, I haven't dated in 20 years.
I don't even care anymore.
I don't even know what I talk about.
I'd be on one date and they'd be like, so what's your pronouns?
I'd be like, I don't know.
I'm leaving.
Is that a pronoun?
You're paying?
Yeah.
Here's the bill.
They say you should have a date night every week with your wife.
Do they say that?
How's Tammy doing?
Who are they?
She's alright.
Is there a date in her future or something?
There's a little health stuff.
But yeah, it's a picnic.
I want to go over and do a picnic.
Can you call it a pic-a-nic, please?
A pic-a-nic.
There you go.
Yeah, I want to have Yogi swipe some baskets.
Appreciate that.
And yeah, we're going to have boo-boo.
I'm not even going to go there.
Boo-boo.
Can't do it.
So if you're picketing biscuits, you can bang your wife.
Alright, so here's what we're going to talk about right now, though, speaking of dates and just great things.
Netflix has released a lot of movies that are pretty exciting.
I really enjoyed the Woodstock documentary, 99.
I'm going to get out of here.
I actually had tickets and at the time I was staying with my aunt who was well my uncle more or less forbade me to go
And boy after watching the documentary am I glad I didn't But there's another one out that I really think we have to
show because we have crawdaddy here And it is a trailer for where the crawdads sing
I'm going to get out of here One way or the other
What what is what is happening you
You know what?
I don't feel comfortable with this.
No, listen.
Dad, stop it.
That's enough.
That's very good.
My size 15 pump, Steven.
That's very good.
My size 15 pumps, do you?
I love it.
I think it looks good.
I'm gonna watch it.
What do you think?
I think it looks good.
I'm in.
I hope you enjoyed that.
I did.
I had to do it.
I kept seeing the book at the... I didn't see it in run through.
I thought something was afoot.
I kept seeing it in the bookstore, and then once I realized it was a Netflix movie, I was like, oh, I gotta do this.
Like, it's gotta be.
Darren, I didn't even know what that was.
These guys kinda, I had no idea.
I have no idea what the movie's about, I just like the title.
I just don't want him to beat me up.
No.
Oh, I know he could kill me, but that's why I knew he'd laugh.
If I thought he'd hurt me, I wouldn't have done it.
But yes, please, comment, comment, comment.
You can check us out, obviously, every day, 10 a.m.
Eastern-ish right here on Rumble, The Blaze, YouTube, if you want, whatever.
But I would prefer You know, rumbly-dumbly there, whatever it is you do.
Also, catch me August 26th, 27th, Fort Wayne, Indiana, in the first week of September.
You can catch me in Port Charlotte, Florida, at a little place called Vasonic.
They have really good food.
I don't know if you like Italian food, but if you don't, you're an idiot.
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