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June 1, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:13:09
Hot Teacher Did WHAT With Her Student?! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
Outro Music.
Welcome back to Cultural Appropriation Month.
Uh, uh, yeah.
Uh, uh, yeah.
Yeah?
Uh-huh.
This is Dr. Thomas Mann-McLeiser, CEO of Leiser Pharmaceuticals.
This is my assistant, Al Borschen.
Al is actually a survivor of rape and incest.
His parents were going to have him aborted, but decided not to.
Thanks.
How are you feeling today?
Good?
I don't think so, Tim.
Great, Al Borschen.
As you were.
I know that many of our clients are upset about the Roe vs. Wade overturning, but I have good news.
If you've taken any of the vaccinations or boosters recommended by celebrities or other people on the internet, having a baby is going to be the least of your concerns, I assure you.
For those of you that are worried you can still get pregnant, we have a brand new product just for you.
It's a brand new abortion vaccine.
It'll make sure...
El Borschen!
The wrong label is on this box.
The Lizer abortion vaccine.
Just take a bunch of these and you'll be sterile.
And the best part about this abortion vaccine is they're already available where our other vaccinations are.
In the very same syringes, unbeknownst to even the people that work there.
So just go in, ask for those, and they'll give them to you.
Two of them, three of them, they're free.
You just ask and you can have them.
So, for proof that it works, Here's some testimonials.
I gotta tell you, before I had all the vaccines and all the boosters, I was always worried about getting pregnant.
My husband and I would even have to wear condoms.
But now, I don't risk it at all.
I can just worry about what meals I have to make.
My husband goes at it raw, and sometimes he brings his friends over.
And we have adult parties, just starring me.
And then afterwards, we have coffee.
And they'll go, do you want any cream?
I go, I think I've had enough.
I'm going to get some sleep.
Minestrone.
Not bad.
I like a good Italian wedding soup in the morning.
Ahoy everybody and welcome to Louder with Crowder with Dave.
There it is.
All right.
Worked on that for an hour.
Nailed it.
Yes, I did.
My coordination skill's not very good, but practice makes almost perfect.
Anyway, welcome to the show.
We're gonna have a very, very big show today, and remember, if we're thrown off of YouTube, you can catch us on Rumble, anywhere you find podcasts, and of course, check us out on Mug Club, on The Blaze, and, you know, subscribe!
Yeah!
Yeah, you get a mug and you get lots of fun after the show where we don't have to be so censored.
Not even so much censored in a way I just realized that was there.
How dare you?
They're not a sponsor.
The lawsuits will follow.
That's fine.
No big deal.
So will Area 51.
All right.
Doesn't exist, Dave.
What are you talking about?
No, it's not real.
Not real at all.
Well, they told us they were aliens.
They don't put them there.
In 2020, we were like, we don't care.
That's how bad 2020 was.
They were like, yeah, aliens.
Nah, whatever.
Get a bigger Fristafri.
No big deal.
No big deal.
Well, let's introduce everybody, because we're already starting it up.
Gerald A.
How are you, sir?
Good morning.
Ahoy.
I'm doing fantastic.
Thanks for asking.
Yeah.
Did I ask?
You didn't ask.
How are you?
Why didn't you ask?
How's the new baby?
Baby's fantastic.
Sleep is getting better, but it's still hard to come by.
I've learned that you just shouldn't price sleep in life.
You don't get it early.
You don't get it late.
And then you don't get it when you have kids.
And so I'm just like, ah, screw it.
Have you heard of shaking the baby?
Only enough.
Yeah, just enough to make sure he sleeps.
Well, of course.
Just saying, this is advice I have.
Not advice at all.
Make sure you shake it just enough to get a good night's sleep.
There's a difference between rocking and shaking.
Shake it until the noises stop.
None of these things are true except what I said.
Shake it until you can take the college fund back.
I didn't want to give up my game room anyway.
No, but congratulations, of course.
And then, uh, Tokunawan, how you doing?
Back from Maui.
Yep, good morning.
Good morning.
Freshly married?
Oh yeah.
And then we got, uh, the new man hangs out with the sexy Ninja Turtles, uh, Casey Bones.
How are ya?
Good morning, good morning.
I had to think of a new one.
It was either that or... I gotta think of a new one.
The, uh, case of base.
I like that.
You like that one?
Case of base.
All right.
And of course, uh, Tim the Toolman, how you doing today?
Morning, sir.
One of my favorite people on earth, please welcome Crawdaddy.
Oh, thank you, David.
How are you?
He switched it up on me today last time.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was over here in the way.
I think you're over there.
Yeah.
Well, you guys can, we can switch right now if you want.
I think it's good.
You want to do musical chairs?
See how it goes.
I can sing.
Please don't.
You know what I'm doing?
And of course, you hear him, and I know you love him, and you're glad to have him back.
What a black-haired cutie!
What the hell?
Thanks for having me back.
I appreciate it.
How are you?
I'm good.
And how's the new little one?
Good.
He's solidifying.
I've been doing the shake method, too.
Yes.
And before, he was kind of like, you know, really floppy.
Now he's kind of solidifying, and it's working out.
Nice.
I did that.
They tend to tighten up a little bit.
Yeah.
When he's seven, got a real stutter.
It's training.
It's training.
Garrett saw the shake weight and he's like, why?
I have a kid.
I have kids.
I've been working out with Vettel.
Yeah, totally fine.
It's my first.
Interesting aside, was your Casey reference the Ninja Turtle guy, the baseball bat?
Casey Jones.
He went to school with John and Steven.
Did he really?
At the same school.
The imaginary kid.
The actual guy?
What?
He didn't pay money for this.
The cartoon?
The baseball bat.
Oh yeah, the guy from the original 1980, or 1990, was it?
He was their most famous alumni.
Really?
The guy who played Casey Jones?
Where is he?
What year did he die?
Where are they now?
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
You guys knew a lot of celebrities.
Stephen has a picture with John Candy.
Oh yeah.
Look how lucky that is.
That's a great picture, too.
It's a good time.
They kind of had to hire Canadians when they went up there to make cheap films, so we got to hire the locals.
But John Candy, that's like the greatest meat of all time.
Yeah, that's the king of all.
I think of all comedy.
And he was killing it then.
Everything he did was a hit.
I loved it.
Yeah, you got a picture with him at peak John Candy.
Yeah, well, there was really no non-peak John Candy.
That's true.
Well, he didn't live long enough to have, you know, no peak.
No, I mean there was, his last movie was, uh, not good.
There was this Wagon's East.
Wagon's East, really?
Right!
Not horrible, but not, well I mean compared to comedies of now it was brilliant.
But compared to his other body of work is all I'm saying.
Right, it was the lesser candy film.
Lesser candy, indeed.
But he crossed all lines, they were little kids when they met him.
Yeah.
His staff was trying, we gotta go, we gotta go, we don't have...
And he said, Hey, I'm hanging out with Steven and Jordan here.
Yeah.
Give me a few minutes.
That's incredible.
They just felt so.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
And he's, you know, he's six, three, four, 400 pounds.
He's larger than life.
Right.
So literally.
Yeah.
I read his biography and there's just people were telling him to quit smoking.
He's like, yeah, it'll stunt my growth.
I'm not worried about it.
Shouldn't you be telling me to smoke?
Yeah, exactly.
So we can reverse this trend?
Yeah, I don't think he cared.
Trend is shrink.
Yeah.
Well, let's talk about this.
We're going to have a lot of interesting topics on the show today, and of course the question of the day.
Let me throw that to you.
We'll be getting to the BTS visit to the White House a little bit later in the show, but since we missed AAPI Heritage Month, which ended yesterday... Sadly.
What?
What is that?
Asian American Pacific Islander, I think, is what I was just told a minute ago when I asked the very same question.
I thought it was like The Rock.
Yes.
I thought it was a retirement magazine.
Yes.
I thought it was just more letters at the end of the LGBTQ thing.
I thought we were just adding.
They gotta keep adding them.
AAPI plus Heritage Month.
Just roided out Tongan men.
The rock.
But honestly, what's your favorite Asian contribution to America?
Honest question.
There's so many.
I like Rush Hour.
Rush Hour's good.
Yeah?
Yeah, for sure.
Rush Hour 2?
Not as good.
I mean, it's still good.
I still like it.
Still Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker, but it's not as good.
Yeah, it's not as good.
I like the movie Oldboy.
I suggest go home and watch that.
Family friendly.
Enjoy every minute of it.
It's a story about an old man.
I'm guessing.
Coming to grips with his age.
It's a fun twist at the end.
You go, wow!
Heartwarming.
Don't watch the Josh Brolin one.
Or do!
Back to back.
Whatever you want.
Whatever you want.
Start with Josh.
Yeah.
And with the original.
Sounds bad.
Fine film.
Fine film.
Family-friendly film.
Very family-friendly.
I watch it with my kid once a week.
I think that's why he doesn't sleep.
Also, you can join Stephen and I, where you're going to be on tour.
You can check us out at our website, and then you can also check me out.
I'll be at Grand Junction, Colorado, the night before our tour, June 17th.
At the Mesa Theater, I'll be with Maxwell Hughes, who was formerly of the Lumineers.
He's going to be doing some music with me.
And of course, Matt McClowry.
And then the next night, you can see us in Colorado Springs.
Myself, of course, Matt McClowry, and Steven, and I assume Thomas Finnegan might be making a special appearance.
Wow.
When I hear Grand Junction, I just want to say, what's your function?
I know.
I always looked at, I didn't know it was a place.
You're like, wait, this town's real?
Yes.
This isn't one of those spaghetti western towns they stood up for a minute?
It sounds like it's a fake.
Yeah, they just put it up.
Is it near Colorado Springs?
No, it's like six hours.
Oh wow.
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty far.
I wanted to make sure there wasn't like a lot of overlap when we did that.
Yeah.
You want people to drive a little bit, but not too far.
Yes.
And I kind of wanted to do something a little different, like toss in, because I like the Lumineers, so I wanted to toss in like one of the original guys who's a fan of the show.
So I don't know why he's not in the band.
I'm going to guess conservative, but I don't know.
It happens.
Who knows?
We all know that, you know, that would never happen to a band.
No.
You know, Mumford & Sons, I don't think it would ever.
No, it would never happen.
No, nobody cares about politics inside the music industry.
All right.
It's the first day of Pride Month.
So here's a pair of drag queen twins to tell us how to be a good queer ally.
Bad advice with sugar and spice.
How to be a gay ally.
Oh my goodness.
Step 1.
Only refer to us as your gay best friend.
Remember, we only respond to, hey gay.
Step 2.
Use us as a prop or accessory.
We're clearly only useful for gossiping, shopping, and telling you that you look pretty.
Step 3.
Make sure to go to Gay Pride and wear your Love is Love t-shirt.
All while staying with your homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, woman-hating, Trump-loving boyfriend.
Oh dear.
I would do sugar first.
Gerald?
Gerald, your thoughts?
I think they received a lot of bad advice in their life.
Both of them?
I thought it was all great advice.
I can remember none of it.
Just wear your MAGA hat.
Wear a rainbow MAGA hat and confuse everyone.
Are you saying they're passable?
Who I am!
No, I'm just distracted by how like their voices are just disgusting.
So, Garrett, they're, you know, that and also untalented.
Well, that too.
That as well.
It does sound like the lunch lady.
It does.
You want some more mashed potatoes?
I got some advice for you.
Yeah.
Don't I sound like a good broad?
Yeah.
Be a good ally.
Here's the mashed potatoes.
Are you just coughing in that?
It was.
I would never call that person gay.
I would never assume that that is a gay person.
No, that would be the first thing.
Yeah, I never assumed that drag queen necessarily means gay, though.
No, I don't either.
It didn't used to.
Now I have no idea.
I'd be thoroughly confused, but I wouldn't call them gay.
But no one will ever get it right.
It's too confusing.
That's the whole point.
It doesn't matter how long this plays out, it cannot be fixed.
Like rolling the dice.
That's why any time that it happens with me, I'm like, I always gotta be like, oh, I had no idea.
That's right.
Eddie Murphy.
What?
Huh?
I was just giving her a ride home.
How was I able to tell in broad daylight?
I thought it was a woman.
That had a penis because I was told I didn't need to be a bigot.
I just didn't know these things happened.
I was enthralled by his, her, mine.
It said Melrose at like 3 p.m.
and he's like, I was simply... It's like, can you imagine if Eddie Murphy just gave people rides home?
And I love Eddie Murphy.
Me too.
I get it, I get it.
You were with a lot of people and you wanted to step a little bit into the danger zone.
Right on the edge.
Well, let's talk about this.
Speaking of things that shoot.
I don't know what that means.
Joe Biden is a gun expert.
Did you guys know that?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't let him handle one.
More of a shotgun expert.
Oh, yeah.
But speaking to reporters on the White House lawn Monday, Biden had some interesting comments about 9mm rounds.
They weren't extremely intelligent.
That brings us to this week in Biden.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump and you ain't black.
And they showed me an x-ray.
He said a .22 caliber bullet will lodge in the lung.
We can probably get it out.
Maybe it'll save a life.
9mm bullet blows the lung out of the body.
So the idea of these high-caliber weapons is that there is simply no rational basis for it
in terms of what you see about...
I mean, I just, I remember it.
The Constitution, the Second Amendment, was never absolute.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
Hey guys, I think we know he's gonna say stupid stuff.
Let's have him take questions exclusively in front of a helicopter.
I think my brain is just melting on the inside.
I love the little duck tail he has in the back of his head.
It's an interesting hairstyle.
It is.
It's like he's gonna try for a mullet.
You know what?
I think he's going after the Donald Trump look.
Oh, you're right.
He's going to comb it over.
He's like, look what I do.
I can do this little thing.
It's not what Donald Trump's doing.
This is my thing.
Yeah, yeah.
He's going to have his own.
But one day it's just gold.
It just slowly gets more golden as it goes around.
What are you talking about?
It's always been this color.
As gold gets, the economy starts getting better.
We start recovering.
Keep his hair.
He was kind of making the case for why we use 9mm, wasn't he?
I thought that was the whole purpose.
I couldn't hear over the chopper.
Someone's coming to my house in the middle of the night to do harm.
I kind of hope their lungs get damaged.
Yeah, right?
By accident, he is a gun expert.
Well, can you imagine being the Secret Service agent standing over there hearing this and going, oh my gosh.
Because you know they know about this stuff.
Like, yeah, yeah, Joe, that's right.
A nine millimeter will rip the entire lung out of a human body.
Nailed it.
You see the Secret Service agent throw his gun and be like, all right, I'll use karate.
How's that?
Fine.
Let's see how that works.
He couldn't pick like a .45?
He said high caliber and he said 9mm.
Ah, good.
Calculated.
I don't think he knows what it is.
He's like, what if I... It's like .22!
Yeah, he's like, what did Hunter leave in a trash can outside of school?
Yeah, 9mm.
Yeah, yeah.
Rips the lung ripper at her thing.
I freak out if I accidentally put the magazine in with my practice rounds.
I go, oh!
Don't want that one.
We want the one that does the most damage in there.
Yeah.
I would like to take things out.
You can hurt people.
Don't want to punch holes in people.
Well that brings us to Gerald Knows Stuff.
Gerald Knows Stuff.
I really think my stinger should be better.
That is so good.
No it's not!
Is it hermeneutic?
Lobbying for a better stinger.
I think it's the best stinger in the history of the show.
The best stinger I've ever seen.
I love it.
Who's running?
Is it Hermes?
So good.
Oh, I hate all of you.
It's almost QB.
I think it's solid.
We should have people vote right now.
Tell us what you think in the chat.
Brilliant.
Hit the like button if you like Gerald Stinger.
If you like Gerald Stinger, please like and comment right now and tell us what you like about it.
Don't forget to mention the Greek columns.
Fantastic, I appreciate that.
Alright, so Joe Biden, I don't know if you guys saw this, released his plan to fight inflation.
Thank God, he's been delaying it just a little bit.
But he did it on Tuesday.
He addressed it in an op-ed that he wrote for the Wall Street Journal, entitling it, My Plan for Fighting Inflation.
My plan is to address inflation.
Starts with a simple proposition.
Respect the Fed.
Respect the Fed's independence.
Which I have done and will continue to do.
My job as President is not to Not only nominate highly qualified individuals for that institution, but to give them the space they need to do their job.
I'm not going to interfere with their critically important work.
The Fed has two responsibilities.
One, full employment.
Two, stable prices.
Chair Powell and other leaders of the Fed have noted at this moment they have a laser focus on addressing inflation, just like I am.
And with a larger complement of board members now confirmed, I know we'll use those tools and monetary policy to address the rising prices for the American people.
Well, the white chair is ballsy.
He's fighting inflation with more inflation, I see.
It's smart.
It's like jiu-jitsu.
I love what he did.
His first step in fighting inflation was blaming somebody else for inflation.
Hey, I will make sure that they can do their job and fight inflation.
Trust the feds.
I love that.
That's a pretty bad point.
But the other two points he outlines in his op-ed were equally horrific.
The second one was make things affordable by boosting capacity and production.
So everybody is saying that right now the supply chain issues are part of the problem and that's the reason we have Some of the issues with higher prices, the economy is opening back up and we could never have foreseen that the economy was going to open up even though when I ran for president I said we'll open up the economy.
Solid, yeah.
And then, to come out and blame oil and gas prices on only Putin, when those things were going up in the first day in office, he got rid of the Keystone Pipeline, he approved Nord Stream 2, and he's done everything that he can to make it harder on American companies to produce more oil because he wants to go green.
I got it.
He released energy, or some oil reserves, globally.
By the way, that accounted for, I think, two days worth of consumption in the United States, so that's obviously going to fix the problem for people.
Still record high gas, by the way.
Eight hours of gas is pretty solid.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
That'll solve everything.
But in case you were worried, he also is making sure that we approve tax credits for clean energy, which will obviously solve this problem tomorrow as well, right?
So that's step two of his plan to fight inflation.
Step three sounds weird.
Just hear me out.
Continuing to reduce the budget deficit.
Because he is super excited right now that the CBO came out and said that he's going to reduce the budget deficit by $1.7 trillion.
And that's fantastic, right?
Because everybody's like, oh, that's a lot of money.
The CBO actually says that after this next year, it's going down to $1 trillion deficit, right?
Dave, if you had $1,000 in debt last year, you spent $1,000 more than you made, and then this year you only spent $500 more than you made, would that be a win?
Let's say we're talking in trillions.
Why don't we just use made-up numbers at this point?
Like, I don't know, like 1.7 trillion.
You could be like, a gazillion jillion, and you'd be like, that's fine.
That's about the same.
It's close to trillion.
Guys, I'm doing a good job.
That works.
Cutting it by a gajillion.
I love that, because Garrett brought up a good point.
That's progress.
Bring up this next, this overlay, A2 here, about the CBO's budget projections are $1.6 trillion from 2023 through 32.
2023 through 32.
Just for comparison?
dollars from 23 through 32. Just for comparison, 1.6 trillion dollars as a deficit would be
higher than we've ever had in history other than COVID as a deficit.
So here's his play.
I don't know much, but I know bar graphs.
That doesn't look good.
That bar graph looked drastic, right?
We reduced the COVID.
It seemed to rise just at the end.
Yeah, the COVID-sponsored deficit that we had because we printed money and acted like nothing was going to happen that was bad for the economy after doing that.
But don't worry, we reduced it to about the same level as it has been at our other peak highs, but next year we're going to be at a new record high for normal times outside of COVID, and that's part three.
But it gets a little bit better here.
He also wants to, and I'll read the quote, end the outrageous unfairness in the tax code that allows a billionaire to pay lower rates than a teacher or firefighter.
Which always pisses me off.
Let's just go back and ask how much Elon paid.
What was it in 2020 or 2019?
$11 billion in income tax.
The highest level.
And by the way, the reason that this happens, if you guys don't know this, it's because most people that are in the billionaire class don't make their money from a paycheck.
They make it from risking their finances in a business or an investment where they could lose every single thing or they could make some money.
And if they do, they pay a lower rate because we want them to do that.
You are at zero risk unless you get fired of losing your paycheck.
There's no risk and so therefore you pay a higher income tax rate.
That's what they do every single time Bernie Sanders says those things.
And take a look at this other quote from Biden because I think this is really one of the game changers here.
He says in relation to the monthly job creation, he wants you to get a different understanding
of what the norm should be.
He's basically preparing you for failure.
Rather, if average monthly job creation shifts in the next year from current levels of 500,000
or something, maybe going down to closer to 150,000, it will be a sign that we are successfully
moving into the next phase of recovery.
I love it.
This kind of job growth is consistent with a low unemployment rate and a healthy economy.
So essentially what Joe Biden did, just to recap, is said it's the Fed's fault.
Basically we're going to fix things by clean energy tax credits.
I know it's Russia's fault.
And then he basically said billionaires need to pay more money.
And oh, by the way, when the numbers look really bad, don't worry.
I've already told you that's the new normal.
Thank you, Joe Biden.
and And that.
What an adult.
It's unreal.
You know when you see a penny on the ground and you're like, I ain't gonna pick that up.
It's dirty.
That's gonna be like five dollar bills.
Yeah.
Amazing.
You're gonna be burning dollar bills to stay warm.
Wiping your ass with them.
This is the whole plan right now.
It's...
Push...
I can't wait to hear your make up.
It's so ridiculous.
It's like, oh yeah, you see your hand rotting off?
Yeah, we're recovering.
That's recovering.
We're getting better.
Getting better, man.
Is there medicine for it?
No.
We're not dead.
We have more rot, though.
This man has bathed in bullshit and spin for so long, he can't possibly know the truth.
So deep in there.
I don't understand.
This doesn't make any sense at all.
And he's the guy that everybody's looking to to fight record high inflations.
And he's touting record high budget deficits.
Wouldn't you think his handlers would put out something?
Somewhat intelligent.
I think his handlers are just as stupid as he is.
Yeah, I agree.
I saw these guys making the rounds on all the Sunday shows saying we have low unemployment right now.
I think they said record low unemployment.
I'm not sure if that's accurate.
But low unemployment right now.
People have less debt and they have more savings than they've had.
So these are really good things.
These are strong things compared to other countries who are doing worse.
And I'm like, Are you looking at the guys predicting a recession saying that every time that this has happened in the last 40 years we've seen a recession within the next two years?
I think Larry Summers said that recently on those talk shows.
Are you looking at the record high budget deficit that we will have other than the two coronavirus years?
Are you looking at those statistics?
Because, by the way, the previous record was Barack Obama when you were Vice President of the United States.
Sorry, he's the current, former Vice President.
I may have spoken earlier.
Kamala Harris, President Harris, I am very sorry for saying that.
Absolutely.
But he doesn't really have any kind of a plan and it's shown.
No.
He tries to act folksy and say, I understand what gas prices do and I understand what grocery prices do around the table.
Dementia.
Yeah, exactly.
But then he pivots to blaming everybody else and deflecting responsibility because at the end of his statement he said, I've done all I can.
Now it's time for Congress to act.
Yes.
One more person.
What a leader.
He kicked the bucket.
Or passed the buck too.
He kicked the bucket.
Sorry, Freudian slip.
But I thought the buck stopped here.
No idea when that happens.
That's where the buck stopped.
I thought it was there.
It never did.
But he's like, no, I mean, I meant there over there.
No.
Defense.
No.
Well, that's what you want in a leader, is blaming everyone else.
Yeah.
That's solid.
And that has been...
Gerald Knows Stuff.
Guys, I'm gay.
What the?
I didn't hear that part the first time!
It's even better this time!
I hate all of you.
It's even better this time.
I mean, I love you, but not really.
Guys, we know you're not gay-ish.
Why the ish, Dave?
It's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
You and I have secrets.
No, we don't.
What?
Yes, we do.
We don't.
Don't lie.
Go ahead.
69, dudes!
Thank you, Bill and Ted.
Yeah.
Classic.
I don't know if you saw this yesterday.
I was excited about it.
My favorite K-pop boy band.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, BTS, also known as Bang the Slut, visits the White House.
Is that real?
No.
Oh, but BTS.
I think it stands for like, big, tiny... Something.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna just not go where my head.
So they visited the White House, huh?
On Tuesday, BTS visited the White House to talk about anti-Asian discrimination in the US.
Thank you, Karim, for your kind words.
Hi, we're BTS.
And it is a great honor to be invited to the White House today to discuss the important issues of anti-Asian hate crimes Today is the last day of the AANHPI Heritage Month.
We're here today to celebrate the meaning of the AANHPI community.
It's like a Beatles cover band just walked into the fly contraption.
Amen. There you see it.
Amen. There you see it.
Have they developed cloning machines in Korea?
I think so.
They're way ahead of us, yeah.
Yeah, they really are great.
You know, Lane speaks Korean.
He translated that for me.
It means, black people, please stop hitting us.
That's what it means.
It's, we don't want to be in front of a choo-choo.
Well, you don't like me.
Why?
Why?
I do dance.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't imagine the singing voice.
It's gotta be... Stop beating the piss out of us.
Yes, please.
Please stop punching me in the face when I'm just trying to walk to a taxi.
The activism!
Stop handicapping our SAT scores.
Yes, please.
Thanks for killing Grandpa.
The activism is slightly ironic considering in Korea it is completely normal to refuse service to someone because they are a foreigner.
Did you guys know that?
Really?
Wow.
I thought it was interesting that they brought them in on the last day of Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month.
Were they touring?
Maybe.
They could have been busy.
Who knows.
I just don't know.
Yeah.
But who found them?
Like, you guys know BTS, right?
And everybody in America is like, no!
And they're like, let's bring them in.
Tucker Carlson also found the whole deal a little fishy and had this to say.
Yeah, so we got a Korean pop group to discuss anti-Asian hate crimes in the United States.
Okay, good job guys.
As Noah Pollack points out, quote, the Biden administration is defending anti-Asian racial discrimination in university admissions in a case before the Supreme Court in case you wanted to compare substance versus PR.
It's not even very good PR.
Oh, right.
It's the Biden administration that's actively trying to keep Asians out of the Ivy League.
Whoa, that's right.
Oops.
Whoops.
Distraction.
But honestly, I don't think I don't think Tucker understands the power of BTS.
Yeah, I saw this dude at the Times Square station was about to push an old Korean lady in front of a train and Then Dynamite started playing and now he's volunteering at a soup kitchen.
That's a great story.
It's important.
I know.
Absolutely.
It's a heartwarming moment.
Well, I mean, and they also forgot that they took time out of their busy schedule to go and visit an old man who's senile in an old folks home.
True.
Right?
Yeah.
Isn't that nice?
That's touching.
Yeah.
There's also some behind the scenes footage where they're trying to hide Biden making some insensitive remarks to the members of BTS.
He used to stack f***s like you five feet high in Korea.
Used you for sandbags.
Oh, wow.
You can call that some behind the scenes.
Yes.
I'll be here all today.
I don't know why they keep giving him a gun.
That's weird.
Every time you hand him a gun, it's just, oh, racism.
Just comes out.
Yeah, it really does.
Just wants him right off their lawn.
There's a lot of reporting on the visit, but what we want to do is get to the truth.
So we sent out a correspondent, Lane the Brain, to DC to get an interview with one of the members of BTS.
Here is our newest segment, Street Beats.
How'd you see?
Ahjussi, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Ahjussi, can I ask you something?
I'm sorry, man.
There's seven of you.
Do you have anything to say about the hate crimes against Asians?
This is Laudroth Crowder.
Jin?
J-Hope?
Jimin?
Rap Monster?
Psy? I'm sorry man, there's seven of you. You all kind of look alike and that's the only people I know.
Seriously?
I mean, not like you look alike, but you're all... There's seven of you, and you're all dressed like Lex Friedman, so... I'm Francisco Longhorn.
I'm a podiatrist.
Oh.
He's a podiatrist, I guess?
I don't... I'm sorry, I love kimchi!
I mean, I guess that's street beats.
He went up to over 30 Asians and he didn't know them were the band.
Struck out every single time.
Did you ever have a Korean burger?
What's in it?
Kimchi.
Oh, that's pretty much it.
I've never had one.
No, I was honestly curious.
I've never, I would eat one.
Oh yeah, they have a place in Vegas.
It's like a K-pop burger or something.
Really?
Pretty good.
I was expecting more than it's just kimchi on a burger.
I'm like, wow.
Kimchi and they put like french fries in it.
It's actually a place right nearby.
That's true, there is one.
Is there really?
Yeah.
We'll have to go check that out.
We can't reveal where the bunker is.
No, but afterwards I need some tips.
Kimchi burger?
Well, we can't go there anymore because it's AAPI.
It was.
That was yesterday.
It was yesterday, so it's not... We can't go there anymore.
Well, you sold it so well, and then you were like, it's just kimchi, Dave.
But then there's fries on it, which I... There's fries on it!
Well, you didn't say that to begin with.
So... You two should kiss.
No!
Yes.
Get over here.
Get over here, Joe!
Go over there, do it, Gerald.
We all know you want it.
I'm not doing it.
I'll wait till I find...
You know, it's truer than you know about Biden.
Whoa!
He's just run off 21 black staffers from the White House.
Can you imagine that?
Biden did?
Did he really?
They've left.
Well, why would that be?
It is a rough environment to work in at the White House.
You ain't black!
That's interesting.
That's what he said to them, in fact, and that's why they left.
It's so weird.
Well, how many staff can there be?
Get over here, boy!
There's a lot.
Just reverting back to old Biden that used to say it all the things out loud.
shines. Domestic staff, they're all like, rub my leg here, sit over here, let's go on the pool,
the presidential pool, time to lunch. Just reverting back to old Biden that used to say
all the things out loud. Yeah, walking around with a chain.
He's the only president, well not only president, not at all, but by far, but he has said the n-word
unironically so many times on video and people are like, it's fine.
It was only eight years ago.
His first day he stepped in he was like, man it's like a racial jungle in here.
Yeah, it just rubbed people the wrong way.
How you treat Barack and Al Sharpton, it doesn't matter.
It's the people beneath you.
That's what really matters, and that's what we're seeing.
Of course.
He sucks up to Barack Obama, who completely ignores him now, which is hilarious.
Well, yeah, there's a club of him.
41 people.
They're leaving the White House.
Not beneath, as in black people are beneath him.
Just clarifying.
He made them feel that way.
Well, people always show that idea that when Barack said he'd like to be in a bunker somewhere just controlling you, you know, but it's not like he's controlling the president.
It's more like an episode of Impractical Jokers.
There they have the headpiece.
Yeah, it's not doing anything good with them.
They just wander around the stage.
Now smell that girl.
Go do it.
You know you want to.
Come out 83 minutes late to a press conference.
Now poop your pants.
Yes.
Right now.
Do it again.
Take a dump in the Vatican.
Give him the point.
Give him the point.
You're in the holy land.
Do it.
Letterman did it better than anybody else.
Oh, he was the best, wasn't he?
There's nobody better.
What was the guy's name from next door?
Uh, from Letterman?
Yeah.
Who taped next door?
No, no, the guy from the little, uh... Was it Chris Elliott?
Party store next door.
He would get the Europeans and do it with him.
Oh, I forget his name.
Oh, great.
He's got a new interview show, too, that's actually good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I liked him as the curmudgeony, sort of, just cynical letterman.
That's what made him good.
Kind of like, yeah, he's just a letterman.
That's just, that's about him.
The bitter letterman didn't get Johnny's seat.
You know who's a great comedian that we can all agree on?
Andy Dick.
Oh yeah!
Where's he now?
Where's he now?
Well, I believe he's in jail.
The last name is very discreet.
In a trash can trying to eat sandwiches?
Yes, yeah.
I actually did like him at one point on the Ben Stiller Show and NewsRadio, but a couple weeks ago, once again, the world-renowned funny guy and superstar, I want to say Andy Dick, Oh, somehow he missed the story and I found it the other day.
Arrested for sexual battery at a campsite.
Yeah, the whole thing was caught on live stream.
Yeah.
There's no audio.
He's just getting frisked and rowing in the paddy wagon.
He's enjoying it.
This looks like the campsite.
He didn't need to be frisked.
He just requested it.
Yeah.
I might have a weapon hidden.
Good luck finding it.
You don't know where it could be?
Do you have anything sharp on you?
I have something hard.
Dig around.
That could be anybody.
We can't say that.
I don't know.
Trust us.
Oh no.
It was Andy Dick.
He's doing this thing where he's like live streaming his entire life at all times and it's the worst life you could possibly imagine.
It's very sad because I agree with you.
I think Andy Dick, he's very funny.
Yeah he was.
I thought he was a lot, very very funny.
But yeah now it's just sad.
Yeah it is.
It's really sad.
He's like eating, literally eating out of trash cans.
It's not a joke.
He did that and just sexually assaulting everybody.
Yeah, I think it's when you start sexually assaulting everyone.
Yeah.
It's the sexual battery, really.
No, no, no, no.
He's bi.
That's what it is.
He's the B. Oh, then he can just do whatever he wants.
Yeah, he gets a pass.
He needs help and he's surrounded himself with yes-men that are like Jersey Shore type people that are just like, yeah, keep doing this crappy stuff you're doing right now.
It's hilarious.
It's like, no, it's sad.
No, you need to go to rehab.
He once fondled our own Johnny Boy.
Did he really?
South by Southwest.
Really?
Did he really?
Came on to him.
Oh.
Wait, wait.
That's a different... That's Andy Dick.
That's a different level.
There could be... John Goodman?
It was Andy Dick.
Use me.
Johnny G?
Johnny Boy, yeah.
Johnny Boy.
Came on to him.
Not the world-renowned actor.
Yeah, I like to just pretend that's his name.
It's more of a cupping, really, but you know.
Yeah, more of a fondle.
A cupping.
He was checking him.
That's not it.
Well, even at a roast, he just licked everybody.
It's like, that's not, those aren't jokes.
It's not funny.
Wait, did he really do that?
Yeah, for real.
Seriously?
Yeah, I'm dead serious.
He was just running up to everybody.
I forgot what roast it was, but he was just licking them through the entire roast and you could tell nobody was immune.
It's like, I don't know where you've been, what are you doing?
He needs to just slap people, that'll be much more... Well yeah, it's a good career ender.
It would be good for him, he needs to be done!
I think he is.
If you're eating out of trash cans, I think you've hit rock bottom.
I mean, I hit rock bottom and I barely ate out of trash cans.
Though he's in high demand, we've actually got a spokesperson on sexual crimes to come in and do a little PSA
for Mr. Dick.
Hi kids, it's me, Sexual Battery.
And I'm here to talk about Andy Dick's arrest.
He keeps getting arrested for sexual battery.
I don't like the name Dick.
Anyway, here you go.
Dick.
Don't.
Insert.
Cucks.
Without.
Kindness.
No means no!
Okay?
Also, Andy Dick, thank you for giving Phil Hartman's wife cocaine, because now he's dead, and we're stuck with you.
Wow.
I just want to say I'm glad my parents are dead.
I haven't seen a test pattern in years.
I was thinking a little, just to go behind the scenes, it was supposed to just be a mascot of a battery costume and then that came in.
I was like, well, let's ramp this up.
Wardrobe gave me this, so I guess I'm wearing it.
Yeah, I'm going to lady it up.
Although in my days of drinking, I would have definitely hit it.
That was reminiscent of the clip we watched at the beginning of the show.
It was, wasn't it?
Some tips I got there for you.
Yeah, I got some tips.
Dick.
Don't insert.
Stop it.
Without kindness.
What did you say about the cocaine thing with Phil Hartman, though?
We were talking about it before.
Yeah, we were discussing it.
He didn't say that.
That was the mass sexual battery.
Yeah, I'm not sexual battery.
I think you broke that wall down already.
Put it back up.
One brick at a time.
One brick of cocaine at a time.
Andy Dick, Phil Hartman married a woman who had a lot of mental health issues and one of the rules was don't, you know, give her drugs, all this stuff.
Andy Dick took her out from what we, I understand, and got her just loaded up on cocaine and everything.
Wasted.
And that's when she went home and shot Phil.
Yeah.
Wow.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
So like John Lovitz.
Yeah.
It's a story everybody at news.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
But that's what people at news radio say John Lovitz hates.
Like he's really like that's pretty much the known thing.
Now you can't fully blame him for her drug use and everything else.
But you did do something you shouldn't have and it ended up in the death of Phil Hartman.
Yeah.
One of the greatest comics.
Well not comics but comedian actors like.
What a loss.
He was the greatest asset in the history of SNL because he could do everything.
He could be the lead, he could make a sketch better by just being in two lines.
There was nobody better.
He was in the background.
He was just so good.
He'd be an extra in sketches and he was great.
Even like the Matt Foley down by a river sketch works because he's playing the dad so straight.
And he's one of the few people that can like hold that scene while everybody else is just losing their minds.
He was brilliant.
And so thank you, Mr. Dick.
I hope you get your life together.
I used to enjoy you on the Ben Stiller Show, and now you're eating out of trash.
Speaking of sexual predators... There's more?
Yep.
It's just a shame... But wait!
It's everywhere!
You can get two Andy Dicks now!
Yes.
Call right now.
It's just a shame that this PSA is only coming out now because a former Oklahoma middle school teacher probably could have benefited from something like that.
An arrest warrant has been issued for 28-year-old Ivy Renew.
Renow?
Renow.
Renew.
Renu!
After she decided to send illicit messages, pictures, and videos to a 16 year old.
Look at those.
Yeah.
Yep.
Renu, who is also an assistant soccer coach, met the student at practice.
And added him on Snapchat after hearing a rumor that he liked her.
Come on.
Bad deal.
What's wrong with you?
Don't do it.
Stop it.
After she sent him pictures, the student blackmailed her, threatening to ruin her career.
Whoops.
Well played.
I see what you did there.
Entrepreneur, I see.
That's a bold move.
Not exactly the route I would have gone, but a bold move.
She sent him $120 via catchphrase to set him up.
That's all you can pay!
That's all you can muster.
That's all your freedom is worth.
You should have gone your route.
We gotta pay our teachers more.
I know.
For $120, you can't even really get my route.
What a stupid kid.
No concept of money.
He's like, listen, leave $120 in a dumpster.
I'll find it later.
But I also still have the nudes.
So get me a Foot Locker gift certificate.
Win-win.
And Cinnabon and Dippin' Dots.
It's the ice cream of the future.
I would really like to go to Lids and pick out any hat I want.
And you can have your career.
By the way, can you drive us?
I don't have my license yet.
No, like a Game Boy Color.
Yes.
All right, different decade.
I love it though.
He still could want one.
I don't even know what the kids want.
It's retro now.
I want a PS2 Slim.
Yeah, whatever that is.
What?
It's a Slim PS2.
You know what it is.
It's not like the regular Slim.
It's Slim.
Dang, that ain't fat no more.
PS2, you've been looking good since we were dating.
Look at that.
Back in 03.
But she was- With the DualShock?
Okay, yeah.
Anyway.
Anyway.
But she was already found out because another teacher overheard the student telling his friends about the messages.
Yeah, she overheard the high fives.
Although with that teacher, I don't know.
It might not even be a high five situation.
Well, still.
Come on, we're guys.
I think everybody here pretends you have higher standards.
Not when you're 16.
Yeah, when you're 16.
I guess it's anywhere.
Anything when you're 16.
The standard is yes.
Yes, that's it.
Really?
So wait, she's a middle school teacher and he's 16?
Well, middle school I think goes to different grade levels.
No, I don't think so.
What's going on here?
Is he held back?
No.
I guess that's true.
Maybe he's some sort of street tough.
Yeah, he's got a leather jacket, slick back hair, like grease.
They all look like they're 30.
He was a little special.
Hey!
Get over here, see me in them pigs.
This is the coolest special needs suit in the school, just smoking a cigarette.
I'm not a retard.
He's got one of those helmets on, those soft head helmets.
It's the coolest.
But a leather jacket at the same time.
But it's one of those Mohawk helmets.
Open down the middle.
Like, who are those guys?
I hear they're Wilhunt.
Like a pepper mill, that kid.
All right.
That explains a lot.
I know, right?
And that's the route I would have taken, bragging to my friends, honestly.
Okay, kids haven't changed that much.
Yeah, but come on, man.
This is wrong.
Yeah, I know.
All kidding aside, it's nice to see a woman reaching for equality in the teacher sex predator racket.
For a while there was just dudes who were the pervy and morally bankrupt.
I didn't write that in.
It's pretty much women doing it.
I gotta be honest.
Yeah, I think in teachers...
I think it's all women.
I'll be honest, I do use a prompter sometimes.
I didn't write that in.
Women are pretty much the ones going for the male students.
And I was like, what the hell?
Come on!
I would have.
So to be perfectly clear, Dave is saying that he would have accepted her advances.
In your vulnerable adolescent mind?
Yeah, but I would have told everybody and then when the police asked I would have been like, no ma'am.
Back then there was even a merit badge in scouting, I think.
There was.
That was the don't tell your parents badge.
But it was a totally different kind of sex.
Yeah, this time it's like, don't tell your parents what we did.
I think your kid's out of public school.
If you could get out of a knot, they would take a badge away from you.
Yeah.
By the way, it is bad, it's wrong, it's illegal, it should be illegal.
Let me just say that.
But if you understood what was going on in the mind of a 16 year old boy, you would see
this very differently.
I can't even.
You would still be wrong.
No, they're not vulnerable.
No, they're totally vulnerable.
16-year-old boys.
Because of their mind, they're very vulnerable.
Very easily swayed into sex.
Show a picture of a lug wrench to a 16-year-old boy and he'll think about sex, okay?
Like, which end do you want it on that lug wrench?
You don't even need point, you could draw it.
Let's say it's artistic ability, Dave.
Not everybody's gifted.
No, all you need is a calculator.
Flip it upside down, man.
Done.
That doesn't do it.
Yeah, don't lie.
Every person in here, when you first get that dose of testosterone, the devil's nectar.
You can't help it in school.
You're just like, why?
Why?
Why?
And then you're at home.
I think everybody had a teacher growing up.
Of course.
They lean over to check your work.
Usually a student teacher or sub.
Do I get a couple of B's?
Your boobs are huge.
Everybody had a cute teacher though, right?
Yeah.
Ours was a math teacher and a gymnast.
Oh.
And her name was Mrs. Romaine.
Yes, we had salad toss.
Named after the lettuce.
I'm glad I covered that up.
Exotic.
Almost.
She was very pretty.
I don't know if she's still married.
Yeah.
I don't know.
We'll find out.
No, I don't know.
She's probably haggard now.
Rough.
We were watching this and like, thanks Dave.
Thanks a lot.
I didn't even know you were in my class.
You came in twice and smelled like pot.
She's also a man now, so.
Yeah, that's probably true.
We had a really- Miss Roman.
We had a huge one teacher.
A what?
Oof.
A what?
Very large lady.
Huge heart I meant huge which is probably why she died now anyway so the Uvalde police interview yesterday I want to get into this guys I know it's a little bit serious but I think it's important that we have to bring this up The Uvalde Police Department, they are no longer cooperating with the Texas Department of Public Safety's investigation.
This comes after DPS Director Stephen McGraw called out the school district's police chief Pete Arredondo, is that correct?
Arredondo?
Yeah.
For making the wrong decision by delaying entry to the classroom.
And that the delay was against protocol.
Yeah.
And to be clear, he's refusing, or has refused to respond to an interview request.
And that's what we're mostly talking about right now.
Okay.
Well, Chief, Chief Arradondo failed, uh, yeah, to respond to our request as well.
Yeah.
Which is why, but we were able to get the in from chief and we do believe that they should be, you know, here to tell their side.
So please welcome one of the officers that was on scene, Officer Hugh Jeposi.
Hello, Hugh Jeposi.
Now you're on.
How are you?
Oh, I'm great.
One of your employees wouldn't let me in.
So sorry.
Yeah, we tried to buzz you in almost an hour ago.
There's footage from our ring camera.
No, there's not.
Yeah, there is.
There's an hour of you smoking and scrolling through TikTok on our... Oh my gosh.
Well, we have protocols to follow in these types of situations.
I don't think you do.
It's an interview.
Easy for you to say, civilian.
You're not in the military.
In fact, I think you have a disqualifying condition.
You're a huge vagina.
True, but it's better that I am safe and sorry.
Can't be too careful.
That's not how it goes.
No!
So wait, that's why you didn't take the shooter down faster?
Because you wanted to protect yourself?
Darn tootin'.
Really, it's your job to protect and serve.
It's my job to serve the public interest, meet quotas with arbitrary traffic tickets, and to stop people from getting haircuts.
Stuff like that.
You know, I think we're just about done here.
Oh, is that a spider?
Oh my gosh!
Whoa.
Are you kidding?
If only a teacher had left that door propped open so I could escape.
Just pull harder.
You twist the handle and just open it up.
Do a workout or something.
Dave, you're a lifesaver.
Yeah, you're not. Maybe it's this time of the month.
I don't know.
I think so.
Huge a pussy everybody.
I thought we told people not to smoke in here.
You don't tell a huge a pussy what to do.
I grew up with cigarettes, so it's a little reminder of why I'm only 5'6".
Right.
Yeah, I just want to say, though, I do realize that that is not... I just want to say this as honestly as I can.
I do realize that is not all police.
This is a very different and delicate situation, but to make any light of it, I did want to dress Ken up as a vagina.
And we looked for an excuse and found one.
Yeah.
Well, the only way that I can really get through anything like that or anybody can is to me is to obviously make light of darkness.
And I'm very sorry for everything going on.
But the fact that 19 people were not able to do what one man did, I think is tragic.
And that has nothing to do with every other officer in the country who I believe most would have done anything.
I don't know how it happened that it didn't.
But I think that Any other police outside of there taking crap for it is not right.
Just my opinion.
Well, the one guy that needs to take crap for it is the guy who was in charge at the scene, and he's no longer taking questions from anybody or cooperating as of this moment.
Now, that may change.
He was the one that told them to stand down.
This is a hostage situation.
No, no, no, no.
He's just barricaded in a room.
Nobody else is in there, and there were obviously people still in there alive, so...
Yeah.
Terrible idea.
And there were 19 police officers that you're referring to in the next room.
Correct.
Or in that hallway area they've shown now.
Ready to go and we're told to wait.
Yes.
The minute there's a shot, it's an active shooter protocol.
Absolutely.
And it doesn't matter if he goes in barricades after that.
He could have one person in there.
He could have a hundred.
You have no idea how many people are stuck in that room because it's a chaotic situation.
right so it's mind-boggling one thing i do want to clear up though is that
Yes.
we we have been given information just like the rest of the world
uh that has changed right so they they said that a resource officer confronted
the shooter that didn't happen there was a number of other things that they've
talked about the timeline that just were a little bit weird trying to get the
information correctly that was the biggest yes incident but now we also
know we've talked about something very very i made a huge point about this
yesterday that the door was left open by a teacher prior to the gunman going in
We had video footage of that.
She did prop the door open with a rock, but when she ran back inside to grab her phone to call 911, she came back and saw the gunman.
I don't know if she saw the gun, but she did hear guys from across the street saying that he had a gun.
She kicks the rock out from the door and slams the door, but it doesn't lock.
Right?
And so there was actually a quote here, and I just wanted to read that because I made a huge deal out of that because I was very pissed off about somebody leaving a door propped open and leading to potentially a very chaotic, terrible event.
I don't know.
He may have gotten in any way outside of that.
But she tried, and in a moment of panic, I'd say she did more than a lot of people did.
She did more than a lot.
And honestly, if we had known the identity of this person, I don't think it's out there, and I'm so glad it's not.
Because there's no time.
The last week of her life would have been hell.
Because everybody would have been saying, this person is the reason, along with maybe a couple of other people that they're trying to blame for this, that these people are the reason it was this bad.
The police chief takes some responsibility, obviously.
He was in charge of the situation, right?
So you can point the finger at him and say, he screwed up.
Almost said the other word, whoa!
He messed up, right?
It's okay.
With her, people were saying, why did you leave the door propped open?
And that was probably something that was going to just destroy her life for a minute.
Because people wouldn't come back and read the correction.
Right.
And so one of the quotes there is that from the Texas DPS is that we did verify she closed the door.
The door did not lock.
We know that much.
And now investigators are trying to look into why the door didn't lock.
So a little bit more information coming up.
I don't think we're really going to ever know fully what happened until we get a complete investigation.
I know that sounds redundant, but there's just been so much that they've said happened that didn't happen or that they were a little bit off by.
Yeah, I don't think you're wrong.
I don't think saying it's redundant.
I mean, of course, a complete investigation would reveal everything that we could probably find out.
Well, everything is so lined with misinformation now that we find out new stuff every single day.
Yeah.
Every single second, really.
So, you know, we heard that about the teacher.
We've heard that about the person who tried to stop him in the hallway.
I didn't know 19 police officers were in the school.
Yeah.
I mean, there's so many different things that were going on.
Whatever happened, this should be The biggest blueprint to make sure a tragedy like this never happens again, whatever we decide as a nation.
Yeah.
Well, and it was fresh training, too, that they had received on active shooter situations eight weeks prior.
And so they really need to take a hard look at that training and say, well, this didn't work in this situation.
And that's not to point fingers and place blame.
That's to make sure that it does in the future.
And there's a lot of proposals out there right now that would absolutely do nothing to help solve this situation.
So they need to make sure they focus on the right things.
By the way, there's one other thing.
Erredondo actually was sworn in as a city council member in Ivalde yesterday in kind of a secret ceremony.
Not secret to keep it from being known, but secret because there was no need to have any pageantry or ceremony.
He was elected to city council.
I think there was other reasons.
He was elected to City Council earlier in the month and this is just obviously... I think maybe you postpone that.
Just in light of recent events, you might postpone it.
I think maybe there's some kind of mechanism where they can say, maybe not.
This isn't the post for you.
Yeah, there's several reasons you might want to re-vote.
And he's getting a lot of flack right now.
I can't imagine being that person.
No, it's got to be very hard because this is going to weigh on you.
This defines the rest of your life and these will not be the only deaths as a result.
There's already been one additional, the man who died of a heart attack.
After his wife was killed there, within a couple of days.
I can't remember exactly how long.
I can imagine the stress.
If you're a police chief, you should be expecting this type of scenario every single day and be ready for that.
It's your job to... You're the chief!
It's your job to take care of stuff like this.
Does anybody remember ever seeing a SWAT team there, ever?
No.
I didn't see any black uniforms.
No, I didn't either.
So they never arrived.
There was never any special.
No, there was a special Border Patrol team, I think, that they were potentially waiting for, or that ended up showing up, and it was only three people, but I don't know, man.
I see him in that position, and Garrett, your point is right.
That is absolutely 100% his job, and I hate it because you're seeing a person there, right, who made a bad decision in the heat of the moment, but that's exactly why they're in that position, and if you can't do that, That's fine.
Just go do something else.
Don't put yourself in a position to have to be the guy to make the right call in an active shooter situation if you can't do it.
Right?
This isn't just going and collecting a check and riding around and glad-handing the locals.
This is when things go down, they're going to count on me to make the right decision.
And I didn't.
Tim?
Well, he's got his backup gig now, city council.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's set.
I don't think we'll win reelection though.
I'm betting it's a single term.
Yeah.
It's just sad because I think so many, like we all pay taxes.
We all have to do that.
And then we send out police officers to just get, you know, money for the state and traffic tickets, which is nonsense.
That's not fair to them.
It's not fair to us.
I mean, I understand you have to stop highway fatalities and DUIs and all that other stuff.
Cause you know, there are Pelosi's out there.
Paul Pelosi.
But sincerely, that sucks.
And if we focused more on actually to serve and protect and less on making them do a bunch of BS, I think that more of this would be avoidable.
If everything wasn't about a cash game, it would be avoidable.
Yeah.
And if we didn't make knee-jerk reactions, I think this... A lot of things would be a lot better.
All these policies that we put in place after these events that happen, I think are a lot of times misguided.
Well, and with the last two years, with the wonderful amount of respect people have had for officers and everything else, you know, it's... Back the Blue has been the mantra!
Yes, of course!
It's like, okay, you got a young Hispanic male, okay, well, what do I do?
You know, it's terrifying now, and there just has to be some kind of change to all of this if we want to protect our children.
What a massive, massive show of why you should protect yourself, why you should carry, why you should train, why you should prepare for situations, because the police are not always going to do the right thing.
It's just not going to happen.
It happened at Parkland as well, right?
Remember the police officer at Parkland who didn't go in?
Right.
Who was on the scene and could have potentially saved lives?
Yeah, but that was just one guy.
I know this is just one guy.
I'm saying this is worse, but you've got instances where this happens, and when there's no protection in these places, there's zero people.
People always use churches as soft targets, too, and I'm like, yeah, most of the time there are armed police officers in plain clothes in those churches.
Do you know why?
Because they need to be ready if something goes down because they know it's a soft target.
Most people aren't going to be carrying to church unless you're in like rural West Texas or something like that.
And then I love it, right?
Good luck.
You're not going to get very far with those guys.
Or me to mine.
Yeah.
No, I'm just saying.
When a country loses God, that's what you get.
Of course.
And I think that's the biggest thing that we tend not to focus on is that there are evil people in the world.
Yeah, how many people I've seen... It's an object that's the problem and it's not the object, it's the people wielding the object.
Well, how many people I've seen this time go, don't talk about mental health this time, like I'm sick of hearing that.
That is the issue!
Of course.
The issue is mental health.
And we're not thinking about that at all, like we just saw in 2020.
None of that was taken into consideration.
None of it.
Whenever we made all these sweeping changes to our society.
Mental health is why this is happening.
And like you just said, you took...
A great barometer of what you should be doing morally.
You took God out of everything and...
This is what you get.
Do what feels good.
Oh, what happens when you can't find anything that feels good?
Right.
Then what do you want to do?
You're taking someone who I would love to meet as a 15-year-old kid three years ago before all this stuff happened, and an 18-year-old mass shooter now.
I'd love to see the difference of what the last few years, like the toll that that took on him alone.
I'd like to know what he was watching, see his history, what he was doing, what led him to this.
You know, he was a kid too, and I'm not excusing him, but what changed him?
He was a human being, what made him snap?
What got him there?
He was what, 16 in 2020?
Yeah.
So what does that tell you?
What happened during that?
Sort of an influential age, wouldn't you say?
Interesting to see.
So no father in the home, mom was on drugs, living with grandma.
You think slight abandonment issues?
Maybe.
Then locked at home?
Yeah.
Made to feel worthless?
No father at home.
I mean, there's so many of these things that we... the media just don't touch.
Again, it's guns.
It's guns.
It's guns.
And it's like, well, hold on.
Let's look at what makes these people do this.
And I'm not saying it excuses, but it at least... Stephen said this the other day on the show.
It's the low-hanging fruit, right?
Go for the things that can have the best result now.
It's like Biden saying, well, I'm going to give clean energy credits.
Okay, maybe in 10 years then we'll have the problem solved, but between now and then it's going to be hell and gas prices are going to be really high and the economy is going to suck because of it.
Yeah, you just got to suck it up.
Yeah, that's fantastic.
I've had a solar watch since 88.
We haven't improved a whole heck of a lot, right?
But we don't look at the things that could actually prevent this and say, look, until we get a better grip on the policies that will help make changes in society, how about we just make sure that there are people armed at the campus?
So if somebody wants to come there and do harm, they will have bullets flying at them for a change instead of kids dodging them in the hallway and throwing cell phones.
Maybe that's a better idea.
And that's what I've said.
And I don't know if there's any validity to this, and a lot of people may disagree.
Don't get all mad.
If alcohol and tobacco are 21, is there a way to have it where your dad goes in with you when you're 18?
Is there a way to maybe add that to it?
Or you have to be in the military?
Some sort of other level of responsibility?
Or if an 18 year old kid comes in who doesn't seem balanced, is there, like, you don't have to sell him the handgun, right?
Or the shotgun?
Or the rifle, whatever.
I'm just saying, is there actually a sensible gun law that can be made that isn't just this extremist view every single time?
I think people would be willing to have that conversation, especially how immature 18-year-olds are right now.
That's my point.
They are now.
Maybe back in the day, they were absolutely fine.
And I'm not saying one way or the other.
No, I'm not saying you should, but I'm just throwing out an idea that's not insane.
Yeah, you have to be able to talk about it without going, we're taking all of your guns, which is what Democrats want to do.
Let's just be very clear.
I think that's why people get nervous.
Democrats want to take all of your guns, and so that's why most people are like, I don't want to talk to you because I know exactly where you're going to go.
Well, most people are just looking for something that makes sense, not taking away the Second Amendment.
That's what most people want, but you can't even have that conversation, Dave, like you were saying, because they'll go, oh, well, you just think there should be other rules, and then eventually it's just going to be taking away guns, and it's like, no, look.
No.
Darren, I don't know if you had this, but I've heard a lot of people say that kids used to have guns in their pickup truck on gun racks back in the 60s and 50s at schools, and we had no or very few mass shootings ever in schools.
I'd say that's the 80s.
80s?
You had that all the way up to 80s?
Yeah, my parents, I mean, it was West Texas.
No, but that's true, they had guns there.
But they had guns in the cabs of their trucks, that was like a normal thing.
Nobody ever shot anybody.
Yeah, there's something different between then and now.
And you know what's interesting is more rural parts are more God-fearing.
They have more moral compasses.
Not to say everybody in those areas are all perfect people, but there is a sense of moral There is an idea of what everybody should do and how everybody should treat each other and stuff like that, and like a base for everybody's belief.
They have family, there's something about the kind of rural, that's a hard fucking word, rural areas that you're more tight-knit, you know?
It's not strangers around you, so you do care.
We've lost all of that.
In urban areas, but when I was a kid in Detroit, only the criminals had guns.
You had to prove that you were a business owner and you transported large sums of cash where you could carry just between the bank and your shop.
That was it.
All the thugs had the guns.
That's insane.
It was also pre-internet.
That's true.
Yeah.
But when you get out into the rural parts of the state, you know, people had their trucks.
Well, I think that's part of the issue is the Internet has caused an immaturity.
You know, I mean, there's there's certainly a difference, I think, between an 18 year old, even of my age, and I'm 40 next week, like, you know, versus early birthday.
Yeah, I can't wait to be 40.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Way to the grave.
It's Dave.
All right.
Well, probably more.
Well look, one of the best ways to deal with tragedy... I'm sure they're only going to dig three feet.
Not as much work.
One of the best ways to deal with tragedy, and Dave, you've helped me see this a little bit more because you take some dark situations and you make them funny, right?
Laughter, you can either, and there's a range of emotions, but most of the time it's you can cry or you can laugh.
Absolutely.
That's why people will break out in laughter at a funeral when somebody says something even mildly funny, because it's a way to release that built up kind of emotion.
And so, I know comedians are still going out on the road, and we talked about your date on June 17th, but you've got another one coming up as well.
I do.
June 10 and 11 at the Funny Bone in Des Moines, Iowa.
Des Moines?
Yes, Des Moines.
My buddy Derek Riches will be on the show and I hope you guys come out.
I like Des Moines.
There's corn.
And?
Oh!
Huh?
Corn.
I believe they make it into gasoline.
Ethanol.
Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff you can do with corn there.
Squirrels can eat it.
Corn syrup and everything.
Corn Kebab.
Corn Creole.
Imagine how much you could eat.
Corn on the cob.
Bubba Corn and Shrimp Company.
Why did I throw in shrimp?
It's still also shrimp?
Yeah.
Corn shrimp?
Corn shrimp.
Real shrimp breed.
Well, thank you all for listening.
I appreciate everybody for coming in.
We are going to go into Mug Club right now.
Do we have a little game or what do we got?
Yeah, we're gonna have a game.
Reddit rabbit hole.
Before we leave though, I want to tell everybody, the show that I'm doing, Friday Night Tights on the NerdRodic channel, we're having Alex Jones on our 200th episode this Friday.
Are you gonna talk about all the things he's gotten right that sounded ludicrous when he said them?
We're gonna see what happens, so it's gonna be crazy.
NerdRodic.
Where's he at?
NerdRodic?
That's what you call it.
Nostradamus!
Is he coming by helicopter?
Hopefully.
That'd be the best way for somebody who just filed for bankruptcy to travel.
Efficient.
Efficient, I think.
It's a joke.
It's protection.
We know him.
Relax, everyone.
No, but that's really cool.
That's an awesome game.
Hopefully come watch.
It's gonna be fun.
Yeah, check that out on Fridays.
What time?
It is at 3 p.m.
Central Standard Time.
And how long do you guys go?
Oh, we go for, like, four hours.
Yeah, you guys do a long show.
Yeah, it's a long show.
Why?
Why four hours?
Because it's fun.
Why wouldn't you do four?
Why not?
I'll be on there soon, too, so... Yeah!
I'm no A.J.
But I'm DL.
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