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March 16, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:13:37
Why Jon Stewart is WRONG About Climate Justice! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
I am an artist.
I'm an activist.
I'm a serious macaroni and cheese maker.
I think that there's actually not as strong of consensus about the relationship between being overweight and being
unhealthy.
Alright, turn me into sea napkin.
I'm gonna go.
Bye.
Ready?
Oops!
Well, we've had a chance to look over your portfolio and it is safe to say
that we want you as part of our corporate family, son.
Well, I think it's safe to say I want to be part of your corporate family, Dad.
Alright, we're prepared to offer you a six-figure salary, full dental and medical, and you can start right away.
That sounds amazing.
Um, I was hoping you guys maybe had, like, a retirement plan, though?
An IRA?
Oh, uh, no.
Well, see, the thing is, is a lot of our newer employees don't really stick around as long, so what we do offer is an ICA.
ICA.
Oh, it's an inevitable cancellation agreement.
Oh, well, I can't get canceled.
I'm not a public figure.
Oh, yes you are.
That's what they all say.
Listen, how long have you been on Facebook?
Um, since, I don't know, 2009?
Alright, well it says here you poked a girl in your Intro to Biology class.
That was a mistake.
My finger slipped.
That is a microaggression, Buster Brown.
It's rape.
Rape.
And it says here you also like Dave Chappelle.
It's a problematic association.
Everybody liked Dave Chappelle.
You don't have that in context.
It's 2022.
Context is irrelevant.
I'll delete my social media.
That's the spirit.
Alright.
Well, you are hired.
Way to... way to tick.
It says here you didn't post a black square on Blackout Tuesday.
Bye.
I was being beaten and robbed outside of a bar with a lead pipe.
Listen, I'm the president of a Fortune 500 company.
I can appreciate a high-functioning alcoholic more than anyone.
But no square?
I was in a coma.
Silence is violence.
I'm afraid you're cancelled.
So that's it?
I'm fired?
I thought you wanted me to be a part of the corporate family.
This place is like Olive Garden.
When you're here, you're family.
And you ain't here.
No more.
Jack, it's Danny.
You owe me 200 big ones.
Yep, I did it.
I kept a newly hired white guy employed for longer than 68 seconds in 2022.
See you on the course, you old so-and-so.
So-and-so.
Morning, sir.
Oh yeaah ladies of the stage, once you are home just pack playing cards and I wont bother
I'm out.
It smells in here in the studio a little bit today.
Really?
Yeah.
Smells like fish in here.
I don't feel fresh.
What is that?
What is that, some kind of sign?
No, it smells like fish in here.
Name that movie line.
We started it right off the bat.
Anyone who gets it, you will get a lock of Gerald's neck hair.
Sorry, we started a little late today, and that's because, I don't know if you saw, Zelinsky, the address that just happened.
He talked to our congressman.
Yes, yes he did.
And unlike, we don't necessarily have the 49-hour turnaround that Colbert had for the Elon Musk sketch, which we'll get to, but we needed about an extra 15 minutes.
A fraction of the budget.
Nothing particularly new with Zelinsky, but I do want to talk about a couple things today.
First off, Tom Brady is going to return to the NFL.
Colin Kaepernick is vying for yet another slavery tryout.
He wants to try out for slavery.
He's been doing a lot of kneeling gymnastics.
Yes, he has.
He's been with the ribbon.
The sash.
Also, he's one hell of a pummel horse.
Champion.
Yes.
I suppose.
I don't know.
He's small enough.
I wish that I wanted anything as badly as Colin Kaepernick wants to be a slave.
Or black.
His words.
I mean, not to be blunt, but... All of this.
He really works out that hair.
Yes, he really does.
You're like, all right, buddy.
There's a D-perm in his credit card history somewhere.
And we'll also be talking about... Jon Stewart has this new show, I guess, on Apple.
They've been uploading content to YouTube and it constantly is thrust into my feed.
And it is this conversation that they just had yesterday, it was uploaded yesterday, is the single most perfect crystallization of rich white savior complexes that I've ever seen on climate change.
And I want to talk about that because I think a lot of you out there maybe don't necessarily know how to discuss with people climate change and why the policy is harmful not only to Americans but to the rest of the world.
So hopefully we'll help arm you with that here today.
Also, more important than that, if we are not on YouTube, tomorrow Dave will be filling hosting for me as I go to a Change My Mind, but there still is a show.
If we don't let you know that there's no show, Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m.
Eastern, if we're not here on YouTube, just head on over to Rumble.
There's a link in the description or Mug Club, ladderwithcutter.com slash Mug Club, where we do an extra 45 minutes of show.
Today we do Pokemon or racial slur.
Is that real?
Yes.
That's the game.
It's a real game.
So, there's the name of that movie line, and then, is Tom Brady the best quarterback ever in the history of the NFL?
I don't know anything about sports, but I just want to hear your answers because it will make Gerald mad.
You can also tweet him.
He is here at G. Morgan Jr.
How are you, sir?
I am doing well-ish.
Your inbox is going to be full, my friend.
It is.
Holding up the sign?
You guys were right.
Bad idea holding up a blank piece of paper.
Not a good idea.
Solidarity, even.
You'd have been better off doing it in Russia.
Yes.
Yeah, I would have been like the second lady that got arrested.
Like, just take me to jail so I don't have to see the memes.
Yeah, those police don't hurt your feelings.
They just hurt your body.
Yes.
That'll heal.
They hurt your body.
The feelings never go away.
And you also hear that voice, you know him, you love him, you can follow him at Landau Dave.
Dave Landau!
Ahoy!
How about you?
Good!
I'm fine!
I didn't even answer it.
Ahoy!
Good!
You!
Ahoy suffices.
It's like Dave Landau's speech.
Like, aloha.
It means both hello, goodbye.
Absolutely.
I feel good.
I feel pretty and witty and gay.
Yes, well, that's okay.
Well, that's what happened with the new West Side Story.
It is gay!
I didn't watch it.
Did you see it?
I did.
Which makes me gay!
I saw it in theaters.
I was one of the nine box office tickets to West Side Story.
Yeah, Spielberg's gotta love that box office return.
Well, I'm finished.
Yep, that's it.
I'm done.
That's why I'm on his mailing list.
He's like, oh wow, there was only, let's cross-reference who saw Tin Tin in theaters with Steven Kreider.
Wow.
Wow, who knew?
I saw Tintin.
I saw Tintin.
Yeah, I saw Tintin.
It was really big in Canada.
Was it?
Well, I mean the comics.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
The movie was not big anywhere, as I recall.
No, the film was not big anywhere.
Like, look, we perfected the facial recognition like Polar Express.
No, you didn't.
Didn't even get close.
Speaking of not having perfected anything, Stephen Colbert, Once again proved that you don't need to be a perfect comedian or passable to garner a 15 million dollar salary.
Here's their sketch on the Elon Musk tweet from three days ago.
Yes.
His tweet, partially in Russian, reads, quote, I hereby challenge Vladimir Putin to single combat.
Stakes are Ukraine.
You have selected Russia.
Round one.
Let us fight!
Winner takes Ukraine!
Poison underwear!
Poison underwear!
Poison sushi!
Poison sushi!
Whatever this is!
I have rubles!
I have dogecoin!
They are both worthless!
Game over!
By the way, our mics were on that whole time.
This is not me trying to not laugh.
Here's the thing.
Working in this industry, I also understand that was 48 hours after the Elon Musk tweet.
I'm going, what are you doing this?
That's not even trending anymore.
Well, it's because they needed that amount of lead time to create that sketch, that animation.
And they said, yeah, this is worth it.
Also, can we record the voiceover on a graphic calculator?
If I ever wrote anything like that, you send me to rehab.
Yeah, I don't care how many times you say aloha.
You are leaving Buster Brown.
I would fire anyone.
I'd be like, is this what you find funny?
Because that's a door.
I find that funny.
I find that funny.
Why don't you get your things?
Look, if you're going to do this sketch and go back to this, go to Mortal Kombat and have Elon Musk ripping out Putin's heart at the end.
That would be fun, at least, and some kind of justice.
But they referenced coins.
But they don't even do that.
Yeah.
Reference coins.
Poison Sushi!
Poison Sushi.
Poison underwear.
And the Photoshop is just... the animation.
Epic.
You can tell it's just good.
Well that's what?
20-something writers worth?
And how many editors and producers over there?
I mean they have a budget of many many tens of millions.
I know it's over 40 million.
I don't think including Colbert's salary.
And this is why Big tech has to acquiesce to these people.
Think about it.
How often do you actually want to watch Stephen Colbert?
Look at the plays here on YouTube right now.
Go look at Stephen Colbert.
Look at the plays.
And you will see a discrepancy.
Same thing with Trevor Noah, where you'll see some videos or Seth Meyers.
A few thousand plays, maybe a hundred thousand plays, and then a few million plays because these things get promoted and they automatically show up in your suggested feed.
And as someone who had to experience Sorry again for the Vox Apocalypse.
YouTube created what's known as the Crowder Rule for borderline- I apologize!
Your fault.
It was a goof!
Well, NBC.
Universal is what Vox is, and so really the problem there was Jimmy Fallon.
And the same thing we've run into CBS.
Is it CBS?
Time Warner?
This is CBS.
I don't know who they're a conglomerate with, but the fact is- Kenny Rogers Roasters.
Yes!
We constantly get copyright struck from Stephen Colbert.
This sketch that you're watching right now, this entire episode, will not be viewable in Japan because Stephen Colbert claims it.
So YouTube has to acquiesce to the big boys because they have so much more budget, they have so many more hires, and they still can't... That's the best they could come up with!
Well, you don't want your dirty secrets to get around.
No.
Well, maybe.
Well, it's terrible.
You can just leak it, and then you just... All press is good press.
That is awful.
That was so bad.
I truly thought that was a joke.
I didn't know that was a real... No, that was a real sketch.
Yeah, no, I get it.
And they aired it, too.
I just don't value life anymore.
What do you mean, your own life?
I mean, that's fine.
My own, yeah.
You don't need to hurt anyone, you don't need to take anyone else out with you.
No, that took enough people out.
It's sucking my will to live!
It's so bad, I just don't understand who pitches it and you go, yeah, that's brilliant.
Well, here's the thing, if you're in that room, and it's a diversity—seriously, it's a diversity hiring brigade, right?
That's what's going on.
Yes.
Are you going to say no to the genderqueer, biracial, you know, ricket-riddled man?
No, you're going to be like, oh yeah, that's a good idea, of course!
Well, you're probably going to write 30 good ideas, and then get to the one that's not offensive at all, and you're like, how about this one?
Because all the other stuff's going to get me fired.
Right.
You just look over to HR, and they're like, They're like, yeah, Dogecoin is worthless.
That's funny.
There's a war.
Yeah.
People are starving in Russia because their money doesn't have any value anymore.
Can't purchase anything.
Isn't that funny?
Should we put that in?
Also, Putin poisoned someone.
I don't even know that.
So really, that was the entire premise of this concept.
Instead of a Hadouken, it would be poison underwear.
And I would like my six-figure salary.
Now, more money, please.
It's underwear, so it's funny.
Yes.
And then he throws back mean tweets.
Yes.
I particularly like it when cartoon characters act like people do in real life.
Yeah, it's so funny.
I also love it.
I also really like it when babies talk like adults, but that's just me.
I'm an industry insider.
What happened?
So.
Even the audience is hating it.
That's what I love, you can hear the fake laughs and then people just stop laughing.
Like, oh, haha, that's good.
I'm so glad I waited in line in the freezing cold to watch this.
And that's with a laugh sign!
That guy has the hardest job in the world at Colbert.
He's like, FUCKING LAUGH!
He's trying to figure out what a joke is.
He's like, I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe this button?
Hold up the laugh sign when one of the producers is talking about their son with leukemia.
It's funnier than, funnier than Street Fighter.
At least they used the right setting.
I don't know when to hold up the laugh sign.
Usually helps when you write a premise on a punchline.
It's just the worst.
Speaking of punchline, I don't know if you know, but former Vice President Biden continues to get press.
And this is from yesterday where former Vice President Joe Biden said that he has the COVID before one of his handlers corrected him.
I had to double check this to make sure he doesn't have COVID, correct?
No, he does not.
That we know of.
He could also have a cold.
Who knows?
It could also be dementia.
You never know.
It's just a guess.
That's where he just gets irritated and starts arguing with the radiator.
So that brings us to This Week in Biden.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
There's been a little change in the arrangement of who's on the stage because of the first lady's husband contracting COVID.
But look at this room and what you see.
Pardon?
That's right.
She's fine.
It's me.
That's not together.
Secondly, the first gentleman.
How about that?
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
By the way, it was also just so you know, in case you're trying to make sense of that, and I don't blame you, it's almost impossible.
Kamala's husband, yeah, had COVID.
Kamala Harris didn't, by the way.
You know who did?
Kamala's husband's intern.
So, male intern.
Oh, that's interesting.
He hasn't touched her in years.
But him and Brian like to take vacations together.
Okay, that last part was not true.
Brianna.
Brianna.
Yeah, it's different.
How do you get COVID in your... well, I don't know.
How do you say that as president and you don't realize that you're saying that you have COVID?
That's a rhetorical question, correct?
I mean, come on.
I'm not going to have to reach over there and beat you with your own shoe.
You know exactly why former Vice President Joe Biden doesn't know whether he has COVID or not.
I mean, it's so obvious, but he's completely capable of handling world issues that we're facing right now.
I mean, yes, send him to Ukraine to solve these problems.
You know what's sad?
That's the quickest he's ever been.
Yeah.
Yep.
Somebody said it to him.
Vladimir Putin could literally piss on his forehead and convince him it's raining.
Yes, that's it!
April showers!
He's buying it! Heheheheheheheheheheh. So stupid. God.
Totally, totally fine.
Most popular American president in history.
Well, thank God we have the safest and fairest election in history.
I just like how the world is now versus Trump.
Yes, well at least they respect us.
Yeah, that's all that matters.
He won one Bellwether County.
Don't you take that away from him.
If there's nothing else about former Vice President Joe Biden, look, I mean, I want to give credit where it's due.
He commands respect.
So, uh, by the way...
Dave Lando and I are on tour here this year, so you can go to loudmouthcrowder.com slash tour for tickets.
May 14th in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Yeah, baby.
God's country.
And then June 18th, we added a show in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
The tickets just went on sale because the first one sold out so quickly.
We heard you.
We added another one.
There you go.
So you can go to the page there.
Okay.
I have the COVID.
No, you don't.
Your first lady does.
First lady's husband has... I thought he was referred to Pete Buttigieg after that.
By the way, he was right when he said the first lady.
He just meant the president.
Kamala Harris.
Ah.
That's true.
He's an idiot.
Well, he's not an idiot.
He's just, you know, old and sick.
Someone needs to take care of him.
Yes.
Someone needs to take care of him.
Make him a home.
Yes, exactly.
Cuomo's been one up.
He needs to go to the hospice care.
Cuomo, Whitmer, and Associates.
Yes, there you go.
There's a nice facility in Detroit where the Crips help run it.
Yes, exactly.
They like to punch you.
That's your medicine when you go to bed.
The good thing is, after they punch you, they give you a little cup.
Take three of these and call me in the morning.
It's like the TV set, when it gets fuzzy, you just hit it until it works.
His brain gets fuzzy sometimes.
Plus, also, former Vice President Biden, he needs to be burped.
Then he's going to need bleed stop.
Yes.
Gorilla glue.
So here's something.
This happened this morning.
There's not a whole lot there, but you know, Zelensky addressed Congress today and he had some requests slash demands from the United States.
So let's just address it right off the bat.
Remember Pearl Harbor.
Terrible morning of December 7, 1941 when your sky was black from the planes attacking you.
Just remember it.
Remember September the 11th.
a terrible day in 2001 when evil tried to turn your city into independent territories
in battlefields. Is this a lot to ask for? To create a no-fly zone over Ukraine to save people?
Is this too much to ask?
If this is too much to ask, we offer an alternative.
You know what kind of defense systems we need, S-300 and other similar systems.
You know how much depends on the battlefield, on the ability to use aircraft.
If it's not a rhetorical question, is it too much to ask?
The answer is yes.
It's all too much to ask.
By the way, also, one thing that we ask, see this is your offer, our counter-I'm-a-lawyer, that's what we lawyers call a counter-offer, is get one other shirt.
Yes, that's true.
Just one other shirt.
We know you love that Iron Cross look, and we're like, ah, is it West Coast Choppers?
Is it Whites?
We have no idea.
But the point is, you don't need to keep us guessing.
Just change shirts and no fly zone.
That's going to be a hard pass.
And send us more equipment.
This is one thing, too.
It came in a package of six.
I just want to point that out.
One almost for each day of the week.
Almost.
$14 billion in equipment that we've sent them.
We're helping them.
Yeah.
Do you know what his request would do?
He asked the same thing from the UK and Boris Johnson.
He went and asked Prime Minister Blackface, I think yesterday, to British Parliament or to Canadian Parliament.
Canada can't send them $14 billion in gear?
No, but he said a no-fly zone.
Do you know what that means?
You should be the president.
You should be the president of the world, the president of peace.
Do you know what a no-fly zone does?
It starts a war.
How do you enforce a no-fly zone?
Okay, Russian MiGs come flying in and you're like, hey guys, you can't fly there?
No, you have to send up planes to shoot them down.
And like I've always said, look, I don't believe that there's never an appropriate time for war.
That's not what I'm saying.
However, you either are all in or all out.
Something does not sit well with me when we are sending tens of billions of dollars in aid to Ukraine.
Well, we're not in the war.
We just... Like, yes, but you said, look, there's 14 billion dollars.
That's Ukraine's money now!
It's for long tables.
They need longer tables.
Ooh, where'd they get 14 billion?
I don't know.
We're not touching you.
It's like, come on, of course you're gonna piss them off!
He took it out of my wallet.
I don't know what he's gonna do with it.
Yeah, I have no idea how they expect to, uh... The heck?
What's that?
Uh, we got something on the security feed.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
Somebody's, uh, broken... Oh no, it's a ti... Oh, it's... What?
Oh, he's dead.
No, what do we do?
He should really watch out.
Come on.
Oh.
Almost like we could have warned him.
See there.
What's that?
What's going on?
What do we do?
Oh, here he comes.
Alright.
Alright.
Oh!
Help!
Help!
Oh!
Okay.
Did you get it?
I got him.
Oh, he's down.
Okay.
That's the fourth time this week.
Piece of cake.
Oh, jeez.
Don't worry.
He's still alive.
No, he'll be fine.
And by fine, I mean he'll be dead.
By the way, Walther, official firearm sponsor of Light Earth Crater Studios.
You can go to waltherarms.com to shop online or use the dealer located to find the Walther if you want to buy a firearm.
And like I've always said, there are plenty of great firearms out there.
Just go to your local gun range and try the Walther.
Run Walther Walther Review on Google, Bing, DuckDuck, wherever you want to use, Netscape, Nav, Ask, you can go ask Jeeves and you will see it's the best-kept secret in the firearm industry because they don't have all these crazy large... Show that gun again, that's nice.
Oh, this one?
Nice one, yeah.
What's that one called?
I don't know what it's... Can you shoot him again?
No, you know, hey, Brendan, Brendan, come in here.
Can you just clean this up, please?
Brennan.
He should be fine by now, right?
Yeah, he just got stabbed a while ago.
He's fine.
He put a band-aid on him.
Yeah, Brennan, if you don't mind just cleaning that up.
Get him out of here.
He's good.
Make sure there was no rust on that blade, though.
That can be a real mess.
Yeah, exactly.
Sometimes they've been known to dip them in manure so that you get sepsis.
You might want to check yourself for sepsis.
Yeah, that's true.
Pepsi, but that's good to always get checked for.
Yeah, the old Tommy Lee knife.
Call it the old Tommy Lee knifing trick.
That's what they call it.
It's a trick as old as time.
It'll stab you on a boat.
Yep.
That guy's moaning was annoying.
It really was.
It's more of a nuisance.
Speaking of nuisance, I just watched this yesterday, and I know, look, just go with me here on this because I know a lot of people say, well, who cares about Jon Stewart?
I think Jon Stewart is very talented.
Me too.
I think he's very funny.
I think when he's in the room, he's usually the sharpest guy in the room, just to be clear, and I've said that many times.
Even though I disagree with him politically.
But yesterday, this segment was uploaded right here on YouTube, and for some reason it keeps... these things keep being featured in my feed.
They're doing it on purpose.
And it's a segment called, The Human Cost of Climate Change Now.
I want to go through this piece by piece, because every single thing they say is wrong, and he's sitting down with, I would imagine, supremely unqualified writers or producers you'll see in a second, who they haven't really even made it through debate 101.
Honestly, these people would be ill-equipped to sit down at a Change My Mind table.
Every point that they bring up, and they think is insightful, is the first point that someone would bring up on a debate
about climate change before it's shut down and they get to the secondary points that are more
effective. However, this is being peddled to people who don't really pay attention. The left requires
that you not only be uninformed, but typically that you be misinformed, as you will see here in
this segment. And I'm not saying that they're deliberately misinforming you. They themselves are
misinformed.
And...
And let me know.
You can comment below.
That's one of the best things, obviously, for the YouTube algorithm.
But if you think that any of these arguments are convincing from Jon Stewart or his writers, and if you change your mind after this segment, okay, let's go to their first claim that they make, which, by the way, put this in your memory bank, because their final point completely contradicts this point.
So here we go.
It's generally not the wealthy folks.
It's people who are living in communities.
Whenever something's on the pressure, the people with the least resources... There's a big discrepancy between who suffers and who causes the suffering.
It's always been the case in the world.
There are haves, and then there's a giant swath of have-nots.
And for some reason, this one now, we're all like, I'm really concerned about them.
I mean, what's different now is that climate change is here for a lot of people who are currently suffering, but we all care about it because they know it's coming for them.
It'll eventually come for the rich person.
It'll eventually come for the rich person.
Because it's the rich people who are going to have to deal with gas prices and inflation with their electric vehicles, which you've encouraged people to go out and buy, by the way, which also has resulted in an increase in prices, which you then bitch about because you had to kick Elon Musk out of California.
Well, he had to leave California, but effectively he was forced to leave because of your green policies.
Green policies can't coexist with Tesla!
You know what affects the poor more?
$7 gas, crazy high inflation.
And here's something that people don't necessarily talk about a whole lot, not just in the United States.
Now, it's inconvenient in the United States, and this is, I'm wanting to play identity politics, but I was at the Cancun Climate Summit years ago, and we went through this, and we ran some numbers, but global skyrocketing energy prices can actually be measured in human lives, just to be clear.
2.3 million people, 2.3 million people die every year.
Worldwide, because they don't have access to safe, clean energy in their homes.
So a good example there is if there isn't enough energy for electricity, they have to burn wood in their huts.
Yeah, and they end up dying from respiratory diseases.
And guess what?
When the IMF won't loan your country money to build those coal-fired plants, you basically go, OK, well, I guess we're just cutting wood down again and burning animal dung in the tents so that we can cook food, and it's just not clean.
Also, when you hold a climate summit in Cancun, you can tell you really value it.
Yes, you very much care about people.
Yeah, come on down, we're going to drink giant margaritas.
Right.
Well, who does she think the rich people are?
John Kerry?
No, this country.
AOC?
Everything that she's doing is making a decision from the perspective of a rich person who can And what's ironic is she goes to Jon Stewart and says, well, Rich, I'm looking at you.
He's like, well, I am a rich person.
You are all rich people if you understand the concept of wealth globally.
So let me give you kind of- 30 grand and up.
Yeah.
The US, is it GDP per capita, I think is the number that we have?
GDP per capita is $63,000.
Okay.
Gas is currently $1.2 a liter.
And I'm using this so that we can compare liters to liters.
Zimbabwe.
GDP per capita is $1,200.
That's less than $63,000.
Gas prices there are 2.1 liters, so $2.1 per liter.
So do the math.
Do the math there.
there are 2.1 liters, so $2.1 per liter.
So do the math.
Do the math there.
What do you think happens to someone who is making, let's say, $1,000, $2,000 a year,
when gas prices go up to $7, $8, $9 a gallon?
And of course, obviously, we see a correlation with all of their energy costs.
They die!
And especially knowing what we know, that global cooling is actually far more deadly to the cost of human lives, if you actually look at the numbers.
We're doing this all in the name of not seeing our world temperature go up 1.6 degrees per 100 years.
The people who are here right now can't afford to live!
Yeah, especially the developing world who didn't have the opportunity that we had.
We had the opportunity to go with the cleanest, or sorry, the cheapest energy sources possible, and we've kind of made our way up that ladder to where now we can afford to do other things.
We're just refusing to do the things that are great, but we can afford it.
They can't, and they're paying with their lives because you want gas prices to be artificially high so that people have to switch to electric, which is powered by coal.
Right.
You know this issue, for the last two years it's been shut down and everything in our society is based on materialism.
It's kind of difficult to keep up.
What?
Oh, okay, I was confused.
It was a pregnant pause.
Yes, it was a pregnant pause.
And by the way, you might want to take another one of those pregnancy tests.
I will.
Because, I don't know if you know this, but that actually means as a man, if that stick turns pink, you have prostate cancer.
Oh, I've already used 11 sticks.
It's a lot of prostate cancer.
It's malignant, is what I mean to tell you.
So here's something else.
If enacted, the Paris Climate Accord would not only, we'll go back to global, but here, it would hurt average Americans, not the policy makers, so there'd be 400,000 job losses.
$20,000 lost on average to a family of four.
All references available at lightearthcrider.com.
$2.5 trillion.
Yeah, and those were just actually, I think, winter deaths.
Like you said, the cold is actually a much bigger problem than it is in the summer months.
And by the way, as energy costs increase, the risk of deaths increase across the board.
In the 2000s, we saw decreases in energy prices.
They save 11,000 lives per year.
Yeah, and those were just actually I think winter deaths.
Like you said, the cold is actually a much bigger problem than it is in the summer months.
But 11,000 a year, that's real people not dying.
This is a very common argument that they want to make.
They talk about climate justice.
Go speak with a black person in inner-city Detroit.
Tell them that your number one goal on the agenda is climate justice, and they won't know what you're talking about.
They'll look at you like you have lobsters crawling out of your ears.
And then when you tell them that in order to basically establish some new form of climate justice, I don't know, like a five-page bill, When you're talking about AOC's bill.
What was that bill called again?
The Green New Deal?
Yeah, the Green New Deal.
That's what it was called.
That's right.
I just forgot about it.
I took up the first page.
Yeah, I had memorized it.
They used a very large font.
And also, AOC, don't go with Courier New!
Triple-spaced.
With Comic Sans!
Tell someone in inner-city Detroit that, by the way, in order to enact climate justice, gas prices and your energy prices, your monthly bills, are going to have to go up by 20%.
Watch them, see how long it takes before you wake up from your ass kicking.
Now here's another claim that they make.
Well, this is when they try and get a little more pragmatic, and of course this also doesn't work.
Everything they say flies in the face of reality.
Something else I wanted to, you know, the point that you just made is an important point about, you know, how they haven't been able to use, meaning the third world, the kinds of energy that we have in the United States.
It follows food.
It actually follows sort of the evolutionary chain of how humans have consumed food, right?
So we were primarily nomadic, then we had the agricultural revolution.
Yeah.
And then that allowed us to be more sedentary, right?
We became more agrarian societies where we had our own plot of farmland.
Then you had the Industrial Revolution, and then after that things could be shipped, right?
So people now no longer had to have a farm, but they could have food in the convenience of their own homes.
Same thing with energy.
You start off with coal, as filthy as can possibly be, then you have dirtier ways of extracting oil, it gets cleaner, it gets cleaner, you have natural gas, you have fracking, you have cleaner coal energy, whereas these other people, they're still stuck in being nomadic tribes.
Quite literally, by the way, in a lot of these countries.
They're still nomadic!
By nature.
Let alone dealing with modern forms of energy.
You think that you're going to go to the Hutu tribesmen?
In the plains of whatever.
I don't necessarily know where they live.
I'm not a geo-politicist.
You think you're gonna go to them and tell them to buy an EV?
Not going to work.
Where are you going to plug it in?
Tesla Africa has not taken off quite as well as they had hoped.
The Amish use more energy than people in the third world across the globe.
You'd have better luck telling an Amish person to plug in a tape recorder than telling people in Honduras to use an EV.
Also, Tesla in Africa is just an elephant.
Yeah, it really is.
Yeah, you just jump on its back.
And now we can't hunt them for their tusks.
Okay, so got it.
Thanks.
Now my piano sucks.
Yeah.
Well, it's a keyboard, really.
So come on, don't try and oversell it.
It's a keytar.
Don't try and keep up appearances, love.
Let's go to their next point, which also makes no sense and flies in the face of reality.
The thing you said that I find interesting is fossil fuels.
Those companies, we can't just view them as the enemy in this crisis.
They are not just the villain.
They make it, but we use it.
Like, they wouldn't make it if we didn't use it.
And if we didn't need to use it.
But they could make other stuff that we would just as easily use.
Really?
They own the present.
And I don't think you can get them to give up their piece of the present unless you cut them in on the future.
Okay, so a couple of points here.
They say they could create other forms of energy that we could use, and then he talks about we need to cut them on a piece of the deal, right?
The haves, the have-nots.
Okay, let's address the first part, since you're an energy expert.
Like what?
Sweetheart.
I hear this argument a lot, like, oh, well, these fossil fuel companies, they could just create another form of energy.
It's like telling Pepsi, oh, they could make chipsets for smartphones.
Yeah, but that's not what they do!
That's not what they do, and who are you to tell them what they should do, or what they are required to do?
I know you want to enforce that through the government by men with guns, while also robbing us of our basic right to own firearms.
But like what?
Like what?
Wind?
Solar?
Is this what you're talking about?
Fossil fuel companies could go to wind or solar.
It doesn't work.
We have this.
We've already had the Petri dish.
Germany.
We've used this example before and unfortunately now France is actually transitioning to renewables.
Why?
Because of international governing bodies that tell them that they should move away from nuclear.
Not because it's better for the environment.
So Germany.
55 point something percent of their energy came from renewables.
The references are available on the website.
What did they have?
What were the results?
More carbon emissions.
They had brownouts.
That's where they would have to sell their energy.
At a loss, I believe.
Their surplus is at a loss.
So they'd have periods where they would have no energy, and then they'd have too much energy because the battery technology isn't there, the storage capacity isn't there.
Now, France's energy for a long time, and this is going to be decreasing, was 76% nuclear.
Yeah.
They produced one-tenth of the carbon emissions that Germany did.
For half the price!
For half the price!
Someone said that's a good thing.
Yes!
It's better.
So less waste, and it's cheaper.
Well, her suggestion is invent a whole new way to have energy, though.
No, no, no, no!
That was the head writer, Dave, who said they could make other things that we could use just as easily, and I'm quoting the head writer, because that's what it said below her, and I'm like, list them, and that's not true.
Hey, she has peaches on her sweatshirt, alright?
Well, I'm fine with the peaches, I have a problem with what comes out of her mouth.
Yeah, it's just dumb.
I don't understand.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and I think we're doing pretty good considering what Tesla's... Yes, it'll take some time!
Yeah, and people who are poor can't afford that car.
Also, thank you for the Rome reference, because I can segue to Aqueducts, which brings us to hydroelectric.
By the way, I'm from Quebec.
Stretch.
That's a stretch.
I'm from Quebec.
Shut up.
I'm from Quebec.
It's perfectly appropriate.
Our electric bill was our hydro bill, which would confuse people who would come to the book, well, hydro bill, what do you mean, your water bill?
No, because a huge portion of our electric power came from hydroelectricity.
It's basically Swiss Family Robinson, right?
You have some running water, okay, you capture it, and by the way, that second, third generation is going to be a bunch of inbred morons.
I don't know how people watch Swiss Family Robinson and not just weep for the future.
Hydropower.
Can we do that?
Oh, no, wait, the left here.
Not only do they not want nuclear, they don't want hydropower because we can't build dams.
In California, you can't build dams because of a fish that can't even swim well.
The smelt.
Damn, damn, damn.
Okay, nuclear.
This is a perfect example.
It's been vilified.
It has the lowest amount of deaths per kilowatt hour.
It's not even close.
It's basically carbon emission free.
Oh, no wait.
The left is opposed to that as well.
So, we can't do hydropower.
We can't do nuclear.
That's not allowed.
Wind and solar?
It doesn't work, and by the way, the reason that certain solar panels weren't allowed to be put up in California is because of an endangered species of bug and turtle.
If you can't do it in the desert in inland California, you can't do solar!
It's not gonna work.
Hey, by the way, you know who thinks we should be doing more nuclear?
The guy selling the EVs.
Yes.
Elon Musk.
...said Europe should be going back to this so that, guess what?
Russia can't cut you off from energy!
Hey, that might stop a war!
Who knew?
Oh, and then they say he's a puppet for Putin.
Ah, he's a shill.
Of course.
He gave Starlink to Ukraine, guys.
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that?
So they can create other forms of energy.
Okay, we're done with that guy!
Now, they move on to greedy companies, right?
These greedy companies who aren't going to give up this power, right?
We need to cut them in on a piece of the future.
This is also something that people don't understand.
It's similar to when people say Big Pharma doesn't want you to know about vitamins, supplements, and nutrition.
There's some truth to that, but if you also look at some of the biggest supplement companies in the world, some of them are basically co-owned by big pharmaceutical companies.
They stand to make the most money some of the time.
So let's look at some of these companies.
BlackRock, right?
BlackRock, they have huge stakes in energy companies.
And you also look at the relationships at companies like BlackRock.
Again, too big to fail.
And what kind of relationship they have with energy companies.
BlackRock is punishing companies over climate inaction.
One of the biggest companies in the history of mankind.
They're punishing people over climate inaction.
But to go back to the point about how climate change hurts the most vulnerable among us, right?
Hurts the poorest among us, because that's what they need to push their social agenda, the Green New Deal, and climate justice.
Well, okay.
What about this?
BlackRock CEO Larry Fink.
This wasn't that long ago.
Was basically saying, you know what, we're going to have to have a few years of discomfort in order to transition away from fossil fuels.
So big, greedy company who you're saying, hey, we need to cut them in on the future, like you have some kind of a crystal.
Like you really understand the art of the deal after just saying that these energy companies can just, I don't know, create new forms of energy.
You fail to see the connection that these are the people who have the largest vested interest in punishing companies as part of this global social agenda.
Here's Larry Fink, CEO of BlackRock himself.
Don't take my word for it.
We are going to find new supplies of oil elsewhere.
Maybe OPEC will begin to raise their production.
The U.S.
will re-begin to invest again back into our What?
Biden?
It's a good thing.
Biden?
High energy prices is going to accelerate decarbonization.
More and more people are going to say, I can't afford gas, I'm going to buy an EV.
So we're going to see behavior changes.
And over the time, the next three or four years, we are going to see less dependencies,
which is really good for the world.
We're going to have a better mix of energy between hydrocarbons and renewables.
And so it's about a two to three year possible uncertainty.
But I actually love where we're going.
Oh, wonderful, because it's good for you.
Just like the housing market, as you guys buy them all up.
Is it 180?
Is it 110?
People can't afford gas, they're going to buy an EV.
It's the dumbest sentence I've ever heard.
I think it's going to be elevated for a long time until we have these corrections.
He loves the direction it's going.
Keep in mind, that's the guy who's the CEO of the company who's bought up a large portion
of housing here in the United States, largely, you know, single income family type housing,
so that we can create a permanent class of renters.
When you bitch about, well, and of course you want the government to come in and solve the problem, just like you want the government to come in and solve the problem of energy.
And by the way, the government is the same entity that declared Black Rock too big to fail.
You can thank Elizabeth Warren for that, or at least they want to.
I don't know if that's officially been passed yet, but that was a proposal.
Do you see the cozy relationship here?
Hey, you can't afford a home.
Why?
BlackRock.
Government's in bed with BlackRock.
Hey, you can't afford gas.
CEO of BlackRock says, that's a great thing.
I love the direction we're going.
Government's in bed with BlackRock.
Do you see?
Again, you're talking about greedy companies.
And I don't disagree.
But that's not free market capitalism.
That's not even crony capitalism.
That's just bordering on socialism when you understand the relationship between BlackRock.
And also, by the way, a lot of these big tech companies and our federal government.
Which brings us to the next point, and this is a point that they make all the... This is all in one video!
This is all in one five-minute video!
And it was like wave after wave of bullshit where I'm going, I can't believe they fit all of these strawman arguments into one five-minute segment and no one said, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hold on a second, we shouldn't upload this.
Wait, why?
Because it's all incorrect.
How'd you find that out?
I spent ten minutes on Bing.
I spent five minutes with that bent-back paperclip telling me that I didn't know how to spell hippopotamus.
That was my fact check that everything here is wrong, Mrs. Head Writer.
Okay, so here they talk about, and you hear this all the time, that we subsidize fossil fuels more than... that's the reason that we haven't transitioned to green energy.
It's wrong, but hear it from them first.
Greedy companies aren't going to make decisions based on morality.
To that point, though.
So it's like even if you cut them in.
Yeah, I'm curious what cutting them in looks like in a perfect world
because we already subsidize them with very little regulation.
Very little. You know, they're already being given money, but not for renewables.
Right. I mean, less for much, much, much less for renewables.
And you uploaded that shit.
I can't believe he showed us who writes the show.
I can't believe that he showed us his head writer was a white person.
Oh, that's terrible.
Cancelable.
Couldn't get Tom Brady on the payroll, huh?
I see an empty Kaepernick seat by the writer's table.
Jon Stewart.
Somebody could take a knee right next to that table.
There's only one person of color and she's not said a word thus far.
Well, she did.
She said two words, but they were wrong.
Oh, that's true.
So this is something they say, oh, they receive, well, first off, subsidies through what?
Through relaxed regulation.
Ah, very little regulation.
Energy companies?
I don't think you can find a more regulated industry in the industrialized world outside of maybe health insurance companies, maybe airlines.
And by the way, these always rate very highly on the favorability scale, right?
You guys love energy companies, health insurance companies, and airlines.
Those are the top three.
Oh my gosh.
On the tip sheet.
So this is factually incorrect.
We give far, far more in subsidies to renewable energy than fossil fuel companies.
Let me give you some numbers really quick.
2016, overall energy subsidies to the entire energy sector.
Coal, $19 million directly, $1.2 billion overall.
Natural gas, $111 million directly, negative $773 million overall because of the tax expenditures
which were $940 million.
Nuclear $365 million overall.
Renewables, it's ironic that they don't put nuclear really in that category, especially
when you understand what you can also do with nuclear waste as well and that off
that's sort of what they use to cool it down That heat can also be recycled as energy.
This is modern technology that, of course, because of regulations, we can't utilize.
But $365 million to nuclear overall.
Renewables, $909 million directly.
$6.6 billion overall.
So they want you to believe that fossil fuel, natural gas, that they're receiving more in subsidies than renewables.
Negative 773 million versus a positive of 6.6 billion.
It's not even close.
It's even exacerbated by the fact that in 2016, we're talking about this very same year, renewables only generated 15% of total electricity created.
The rest was fossil fuels, nuclear gas.
And at what cost?
Yeah.
Right?
So every time you get an electric bill or a plan, they're like, hey, sign up for this green thing.
And I'm like, oh, well, that's cool.
What is it going to cost?
Well, about 25% to 35% more than your current plan.
That's just my experience.
I mean, maybe higher in California, because they don't have any regulations.
Remember that.
What's it going to cost?
65 species of endangered birds.
They will be extinct.
Can you name them?
Because I don't like all birds.
Yeah, well, birds are weird.
Not all birds matter, Steve.
We can live without gas, guys.
We can't live without them turtles.
Right.
Where are the cartels gonna fit their heads?
What else would snap at us when we try to feed it?
Why don't we let animals die that are supposed to?
Yeah.
Sharks.
That's what we do with the Canadian geese and now they're just everywhere and I wish they were dead.
They almost took down an airplane.
Thank God Sullen was on board.
Well that's also because of rich white people of course.
For example in Wyoming in these states now they have a problem with grizzly bears.
And they're not allowed to hunt them.
Well, you can.
You can.
They said, well, we'll help keep grizzly bears in check.
Right?
Oh, OK.
So we can hunt them.
Yeah.
For, I think it's a $200,000 tag.
Oh, geez.
Maybe it's a $300,000.
Somewhere between $200,000 and $400,000 tag for a grizzly bear.
So who does it?
It ends up being a bunch of wealthy people.
And then, of course, the poor people just get murdered by grizzly bears.
Well, it's not murder.
It's just the circle of life.
Remember in Michigan, the wolf hunt vote for the UP?
Yes.
And then it got voted down by a bunch of hipsters in Flint and Detroit.
It's like, you guys, you shouldn't have a say in what they do up there.
They're like, well, if you hunt the wolves, they don't take out the coyotes.
They said, yeah, well, we're not so concerned about the coyote problem as we are the wolf problem.
The coyotes are skittish.
Yeah.
The wolf's like, you're mine.
Yeah.
Do you know in Napa Valley that if a deer is eating... The wolf goes on a shirt in Michigan.
If a deer is eating your crop, Napa Valley is known for wine the world over.
Huge, huge money for Napa...
If a deer is eating your grapes, you can't shoot it.
This is the same kind of thinking, like, when there really is a problem, because it takes out the whole thing that they're producing.
Well, you can't shoot it, but there is the run-it-over-with-your-tractor loophole.
Oh.
That's true.
Well, there's tons of people who shoot it and act like it never happened.
And you just hide the body in the Cayman Islands.
Okay.
You can give it a Colombian necktie.
Yes.
I'm partial to the Peruvian necktie.
It's harder.
A Bambi.
Yeah.
Pulls its tongue through its neck.
You're gonna wish the worst thing that happened to you was your mom being shot.
Don't touch my grapes, they're shit.
You were dead.
These were my Franzia grapes.
Thumper says hello.
Alright.
Here's the next comment that they make, which doesn't necessarily need to be rebutted, but I'm going to do it anyway.
Because in order to try and make this case of, well, riddled with... No, I don't even want to say riddled!
Exclusively based on factual inaccuracies.
Exclusively.
All the substantiation in this video is factually inaccurate.
Every single claim that they make.
And that's really difficult to do because they're trying to evade making factual statements because they don't necessarily want to be held accountable.
Which brings us to our next point.
Well, this is all the problem of the something something something corporations.
Corporations are sociopaths.
Right.
So they're also not going to do better out of the good of their own hearts.
Right.
But you need accountability.
Goodness.
How do you hold them accountable for, if we cut them in, where does accountability live in that space?
So I think you have a political problem here.
Because they control so much that is the engine of our economy.
Same in the financial markets.
They have politicians over a barrel.
Interesting.
Okay, so corporations are sociopaths.
Now far be it from me to disagree, and this is the issue that I've talked about in the past, where does your worldview require inconsistency?
I believe, for example, that that CEO of BlackRock saying that he loves the direction of skyrocketing energy costs, I believe he might be a sociopath at the very least selfish.
I believe that power corrupts.
I believe that can take place with powerful companies in the free market.
But you know who else I think?
Often lean towards being a sociopathic in nature?
Career politicians!
And to repeat your question, how do you hold them accountable when they can just write new laws so that they are never held accountable?
I mean, at least with the company.
Now, let's not talk about the socialist companies.
And what I mean by that is deemed too big to fail, like the financial institutions you just bitched about.
Or the airlines that you guys all bitch about, right?
I'm talking about the mom-and-pop shops.
And by the way, mom-and-pop shops can include businesses that are worth 50, 100, 200 million.
We're just talking about companies that operate on an honest profit margin and don't receive subsidies.
Those are the companies that I'm talking about here.
They break the law.
Guess what?
They pay a price.
What do you do When you have career politicians who are not beholden, not only to laws, but by the way, if that mom-and-pop shop creates a product that sucks, or there's a scandal...
Their customer base turns against them?
Guess what?
That's some level of accountability.
So we have two levels of accountability for the private sector, for these businesses.
Again, we're not talking about the crony socialist businesses who receive never-ending bailouts and are deemed too big to fail.
What do they have?
They are subject to laws and they are subject to market forces in that they cannot force you to purchase their services.
It has to be a voluntary exchange of goods.
Those two safeguards do not exist.
For career politicians.
So, if one is a sociopath, you at least can keep them in check.
Somehow.
Somewhat.
There's a hope.
If a career politician is a sociopath, you have no hope.
There is nothing you can do because, well, we'll just write a new law so that doesn't really matter.
Kind of like when Nancy Pelosi, I don't know if you remember this, defended insider trading!
Martha Stewart was wearing an orange jumpsuit for doing what Nancy Pelosi here flagrantly defends.
just sign a new law that defends it.
I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that.
And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual
The answer is yes.
Just say yes.
No to the second one.
We have a responsibility to report on the stock.
I'm not familiar with that five-month review, but if people aren't reporting, they should be.
You're very familiar.
Because this is a free market and people should be able to participate in that.
Now you love the free market.
Miss, we have to pass the bill to know what's in it.
I'm a little confused.
It's only a free market if everybody's playing kind of with the same, roughly, because it's impossible, the same information.
You're literally going, Yeah, we're going to approve this one, so go buy that stock today, because we're going to approve that tomorrow in committee, and that'll get out, and that's going to make them millions of dollars, and so that's fair.
Yeah, for people who don't understand what this is, because people often throw out the talking point insider trading laws with people who are in elected office.
Let me break it down for you really quickly.
It's illegal, for example, if you're in the private sector, for someone to give you a tip saying, hey, I work over here at Pepsi and company, or Coke, and they say, hey, by the way, we're going to be releasing new Coke tomorrow, so you might want to invest in it, which, by the way, Don't get tips from a guy who works at New Coke.
Ford Etzel people.
Yeah, exactly.
Waiting to get paid out.
That's illegal if you invest, you make a bunch of money.
However, it's not illegal for Nancy Pelosi to say, oh, you know what?
We're actually going to approve this bill that allows these solar panels in, I don't know, the Mojave Desert.
Oh, and by the way, we're going to give a no-bid contract to this company to make those panels, and let me invest in some stock for said company.
Now it's estimated that Pelosi herself owns about $46 million in stocks, and guess what her husband does?
He runs a venture capital fund.
How convenient.
You do that, and they would have you in solitary confinement with lines on the wall like Zorro.
Yeah, and let's just bring it down to a practical example from the last couple of years.
We're about to close down the entire economy.
We are about to close everything down, and I'm gonna buy some Amazon stock.
Because they had that information before we did, obviously.
Right.
So you think that's fair?
I'm going to close everything down.
I'm going to go buy Amazon stock.
Right.
That's not fair.
It has to be public information.
Well, I would say it should be illegal.
Not according to name.
Taking a risk here.
And here's their final claim that they make, and again, remember that first point that they made?
John Stewart and the Headwriters, I don't remember all of their names.
I'm horrible with names, and it's even exacerbated by the fact that I don't care about these people.
So, the first point was it's not going to affect, you know, the rich.
Eventually it'll come for the rich, but right now it affects the poorest among us.
We have to act on climate change now so that we help the impoverished and the underprivileged.
That was their first point.
Well, now they end it with Actually, we're going to have to destroy their lives because something something something justice.
One of the conversations around climate change is that we have to have a just transition, that coal mining jobs are actually good paying jobs.
We hear that a lot.
Progress is never fair and almost never just.
And I think my view of the world is more like, how can we give the soft landings to the inevitable destruction that is ancillary to our progress?
And there it is.
Your jobs, your livelihoods, are ancillary to our progress.
Now keep in mind, they said ancillary.
Which means insignificant, right?
Separated from.
To our progress.
Is there any more elitist phrase that you've ever heard on a program?
There are jobs and livelihoods which will be painful but ancillary to our progress.
Meaning the progress of people like John Stewart and those head writers, the people in California, the elites in New York, in the New Yorks of the world, the Californians of the world.
And your livelihood is ancillary.
You know what else is?
Well, the cost of gas.
What's under ancillary?
Let's look at that.
The cost of gas.
The cost of all energy, the cost to heat your homes, your jobs, if you're working in any kind of an energy sector that isn't renewable.
Hey, you know what else is ancillary because we want to cut them in a piece of the future, places like Black Rock?
Your ability to own a home.
So right now we have a bunch of privileged wealthy people game-planning the entire economy under the guise of climate justice while considering your livelihood.
And everything they're in to be ancillary.
There's no conspiracy.
That, my friends, is the Great Reset.
That's the Great Reset.
That's what it is.
That's why BlackRock CEO loves the direction we're going.
With the pain, the discomfort of energy costs.
He's not affected.
Nor is John Stewart.
We know Stephen Colbert isn't affected.
He would pay $15 a gallon.
You're just ancillary to that room, to those boards, and those sociopaths in government.
You don't need a conspiracy.
That's the great reset.
All right.
Any other points you guys want to make?
I hope that show gets better, because Jon Stewart's better than that.
I don't know if that's the show or behind the scenes.
Is that the show?
I think it's the behind the scenes for the show, but if that's any indication of what the show is like, he's starting out with bad information to speak to better people around him.
You're right, though.
It's always a savior complex.
Here's the problem.
Every rich person isn't evil and every poor person isn't great.
Right.
And that seems to be this constant narrative that they put out there that they're trying to save the other person.
Right.
And there are people, like, I do think that Jon Stewart actually cares about people.
I do.
think he genuinely does and I do think that the CEO of BlackRock who looks like Mr. Burns crossed
with Smithers is probably a pretty evil dude. You know like that's a good example of it but
doing all this and trying to push this narrative isn't helping anybody. It's never gonna,
like he doesn't, when you're talking about the rich and you're not aware of the fact that you
are the rich, that's when it looks bad.
Well, he kind of acknowledges that in that segment a little bit.
Not him, but the rest of them.
The table, yeah.
The rest of them don't realize it.
Not him, but yeah, the table.
For crying out loud.
And Nancy Pelosi dances like a gopher when she hears about burn victims.
Yes, I know.
She loves it.
She's alright.
Do you know how I know they're rich at that table?
By global standards?
Clean water?
Obesity.
Oh, well, yeah.
Not all the writers.
By the way, we do have plus-size clothing at CrowderShop.com, so if you guys want to support this program, we do not receive millions of dollars in funding from Apple, but we do have XXXL clothing, I believe.
Though, of course, quantities are limited because, you know.
And there's an extra charge.
And you should come and see Stephen and I when you buy three seats.
Yes, exactly.
We're playing classic theater right now.
And smash the like button right now because we're gonna move on to a segment here about which I know very little.
It's okay, I got your back.
But that's because Gerald, uh, he likes wearing other men's names on his back.
I've never done that.
And apparently he actually has been pinned with Tom Brady's high school ring.
It's time for Gerald Knows Sports.
Woo!
Woo!
Wide open, he scores!
Woo!
Let me just set this up before I, uh, what is it, do I...
Before I HUT to you?
What is that called?
Handoff to you?
Maybe a handoff or a pass.
A HUT?
A HUT?
How dare you?
You're offending so many people.
I don't know, but either way, someone's wearing a cancer ribbon.
So, before we go to Tom Brady, I don't know if you've, you've probably been hearing in the news that Colin Kaepernick, he released a training video because he wants to, he's hoping, he's vying for an audition for a chance at slavery.
He's in the freak show audition phase of American Idol for slavery.
Right.
It's exciting.
Yeah.
He actually tweeted out, I've been prepping for the last four years, I've been throwing to a bunch of friends, and I'm ready to have some real receivers.
Where are you guys at?
Yeah.
Like, to go and throw to.
One, that's dogging your friends that apparently you've been throwing to, which maybe that's appropriate, but two, like, you've been out of the league for four years and you suck to the last two and a half that you were in the league and you're getting better?
Yeah, you were a grand disappointment.
Yes.
Just as a player.
You got beat out by Blaine Gabbert.
Just think about that.
But I remember that in Roots.
I remember the freed blacks trying to get into the cotton field.
Oh, that's true, yeah.
They were sending in mixtapes.
There was quite a combine to try to get in there.
Please, sir, I want to work for you.
I want the sign-in bonus, sir.
Sign-in bonus, sir.
I love that.
It's like bidding, just like slavery.
It's like, right, except for the slave gets all the money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And right now you are demanding.
It's an injustice when you work for the NFL because you're a slave, and it's an injustice when you're not rehired by the NFL because they're not allowing you to be a slave.
Do you see why that guy was crappy for the locker room?
Well, there's also a difference between being fired and retiring.
Yes, that's true.
Taking your toys and going home.
He's just George Costanza showing up back at the office, like, I still work here, right?
No, Colin, you don't.
Oh, that whole thing when I left for two and a half years?
Come on.
Come on, guys.
You called me a racist.
Someone threw a brick through my wife's window.
Come on!
Come on, water under the bridge.
I may admit, I was basically a slave.
Like, come on.
I made those commercials, remember?
I got the Nike contract for kneeling.
After I got my, uh, my perm.
My parents are white.
Stop showing photos of them.
Yeah, stop showing photos.
I go to the same hairdresser as Rachel Dolezal and Sean King.
But of course, we're going to give you the top five reasons why Tom Brady needs to be cancelled.
Oh.
Because Tom Brady, you were saying this was announced this week, he's... Yeah, he's coming back, right?
So I think he was retired for, you know, just a couple of months, and so on Sunday he sent out this post and said he's coming back after, you know, he's going to be playing his 23rd season.
I don't think this guy's a real human being at this point.
But a great quarterback, right?
Yeah.
I don't know how he has the energy after he's married to that supermodel.
Well, that's weird.
Is he 61 years old now?
He's like the oldest player ever.
Well, not quite.
Apparently he doesn't have enough money.
He's probably just sitting around going, I'm Tom Brady, why am I at home making Eggos?
Yeah, he's just looking at his supermodel wife like, ugh, gross.
If I have to look at her one more time... He's like, I'm so tired of hitting that.
Ugh, he's like, can you come and make love to me?
Ugh, she's exhausting.
What is this, two-a-days?
I'm gonna toss on some Wrangler jeans and go back to work.
Actually, I think there's a clip of him returning.
Unretiring.
Tom Brady will be back there at quarterback retirement that lasted all of 40 days.
He's going to return to the Bucs for a 23rd NFL season.
He'll start at quarterback at the age of 45 for Tampa Bay after leaving the NFL in passing yards, touchdowns, completions, and attempts last season.
A very small time.
That guy's, like, 90s fit.
Oh, patty cat, yeah.
That's the rep, of course.
Wow.
40 day trip with life as a retired human.
Tom Brady has decided, get me the back into some sort of gold handed business.
I had a wonderful weekend and my goodness, who do we have here?
Oh, Skip Bayless.
It's the worst.
Edward Patrick Brady Jr. is back!
Your worst nightmare is back!
You're going to have a long season next year.
This is what passes for media and sports, though?
It's the worst.
Best show ever.
Let's party.
There ain't nothing to celebrate.
I love how they always just fit a woman in there and give her some time.
She's probably about as prepared as Jon Stewart is to discuss climate change.
You could be a fan.
The greatest of the greats at the roundtable in sports media.
It's like when people say, no vagina, no opinion on any issue.
You know, abortion, pregnancy, contraception.
It's like, yeah, well, when was the last time you played football?
Get the hell off SportsCenter.
Well, look, Tom Brady did take to Twitter to announce his unretiring, and so I'll read some of his words.
These past few months, I've realized my place is still on the field and not in the stands, because you were going to go to the games.
That time will come.
Yeah, and if he was going to go to the game, it would be the stands as opposed to the most privileged executive box that ever existed.
We're supposed to believe he's in the nosebleed section next to the QAnon shaman.
True.
I love my teammates and I love my supportive family.
They make it all possible.
I'm coming back for my 23rd season in Tampa.
Unfinished business.
And then he says something that I can't say.
LFG.
It's let's F go.
You can fill in the F. And I think he's excited, right?
Is it fudge?
No, David, it's not the fudge.
Now look, it would seem like everybody's going to be excited.
We said moratorium on stelter talk.
Yes, we did.
It seemed that everybody's going to be excited that Tom Brady is going to return, but really the question is should they be excited?
Oh, that's odd.
Do people get mad about that?
Well, there's a number of reasons.
In our current culture.
And I know people think that Brady is the GOAT, right?
The greatest of all time.
Here's the stupid thing about that acronym.
You just said the acronym and then said what the acronym meant.
There's no point to the acronym anymore.
Well, it's like a pick the GOAT.
Greatest of all time.
Well, then why say GOAT?
I just didn't want to sound like, you know, some people don't know sports.
Just say one or the other.
It was for you.
Do you know what GOAT is?
Yes, I do.
Well, then I'm sorry.
But the point is, if I didn't, it wouldn't help me to say GOAT.
You just seem elitist.
If you don't know what GOAT is by now, you shouldn't even be watching anything.
You're an idiot.
Also, let's be careful with saying goat too many times.
I don't know if that terrorist from earlier is dead yet.
That's true.
He may come running back.
We don't need an aroused semi-dead terrorist.
Blood will be flowing, just not to the right place.
I hope there's not enough blood left.
So this brings us to, I guess, first off, I don't know why he unretired, but the top five reasons, I guess, to cancel Tom Brady.
That's the only way you're gonna stop this man.
I do hope it's comically his worst season ever.
Just not that I don't like him, it's just out of humor.
Yeah, no, of course.
The NFL has been telling us and making it very clear the kind of player that they are looking for.
This balanced individual.
And I don't know that Tom Brady fits this, and so point number one is just that he is a white cis male.
Yeah, I don't know why they even allow him back.
I mean, he couldn't even make it past the first round in a Jon Stewart writers room.
No, that's true.
It's cheerleading, maybe.
Look at that guy, guys.
It's gross.
He's just so white.
I can't believe it.
They constantly give him chances while they're blackballing Once-in-a-generation talents like Colin Kaepernick.
Guys they give huge opportunities to that spit in their face.
Right.
I don't know that we can use blackballing as a term anymore, but I think that's insensitive according to the NFL.
I can't believe cis is a word.
We're talking about goat shouldn't be a word.
Whiteballing.
Cis.
Oh, you mean normal?
Yeah, you mean...
Look, there are other reasons, right?
So our second reason on our list of five is that he embodies this pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality that is just so outdated.
It is, yes.
We can't expect people to do that.
They use it now, they go, I know we're supposed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
Yes, even though you say it with an eye roll, it doesn't mean that it's incorrect.
Yes.
And we all remember, like, Tom Brady.
Get a Tesla.
This overprivileged guy was drafted 199th in 2000 in the NFL Draft out of the University of Michigan, which sucks.
And he looked like this.
Let me see him.
Oh, gosh.
I mean, look at him.
And he ran a 5'2", 540 yard dash.
He looks like he would be one of the nude images when you're a kid in biology class.
Like, he needs to be someone who's not so ugly they're off-putting, but certainly not attractive, so it's pornography.
I'll be honest, I looked better than him in high school.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, look, let's look at what a 5-2-5 40-yard dash actually looks like.
I think Joe Biden outran him here.
I saw a fat kid yesterday run faster chasing the ice cream truck.
Oh, for sure.
That was me.
And then I saw the pedophile driving the truck run faster away from the cops.
Yeah, that's true.
That was me.
For context, at 270 pounds, I ran about a 5 flat, which is not fast, but it's faster than that.
I was going to say, before the knee injury, I guarantee you I could.
Before my multiple knee surgeries, guarantee you I'm going to run faster than that.
Well listen, look, without one government subsidy like we're talking about or any kind of a handout, he actually went on to win seven Super Bowls.
Again, just because he's this white privilege pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of guy, right?
And here's the thing, too, I will say about Tom.
I don't know a lot about football, but I do know he's obviously the best quarterback of all time.
Joe Montana?
No, look, objectively you would have to list him that way.
But this is kind of a perfect example.
Sometimes the people who are best at something make the worst coaches,
or they're not the most effective coaches, because some people are just born with an innate ability.
It's what we actually, people use the term talent sometimes, and they misuse the word talent.
There are some people who have something you can't teach.
So Tom Brady, from what I understand, obviously not a great runner,
decent enough passer, but not the best in the league, Not a bad arm, not the best arm.
He's very good, but yeah, he's not the best.
He's good, but he's not the best at any one thing.
And it's very comparable to the Canadian in me, you know, Wayne Gretzky.
Wayne Gretzky is the greatest of all time, you know, in hockey.
And the thing is, Wayne Gretzky wasn't the best at any one thing.
He wasn't the best shooter.
You'd have to have someone like a Brett Hall or something like that at that point.
He wasn't the best deckhandler.
That was Mario Lemieux.
Not a great goalie.
Not a great colleague.
Not the best skater.
You'd have like a Mike Modano there.
But there was something about Wayne Gretzky, and his quote was, don't go where the puck is, go where the puck's going to be.
It's like, well, that's horrible coaching.
People are like, oh, so I just need to look in my plasma ball?
Wayne Gretzky, thanks for that advice.
But it was like the puck was magnetized to his stick.
He was just able to be where he needed to be, and he wasn't able to impart that to someone else.
It seems like with Tom Brady, I mean, his training is terrible.
But he's very disciplined about his diet, about his sleep, about his training, and there's something that, it's just, I don't know if you would call it sports IQ, and I think that's why so many people dislike him, because it's like, he shouldn't be as good as he is, but he's unbelievable.
But you're trying to explain a talent to another person.
Right.
Like, that's just something that you have, and that's the way that his brain works.
If yours doesn't function like that, you can't learn that.
Well, and that's another problem that we have with Tom Brady, because Tom Brady Point number three is he's a winner.
Cancel this one.
Right?
I can't believe it.
What?
Look, the NFL doesn't value any of these things, okay?
And so Tom Brady cannot be the best ever.
Look, we just mentioned seven Super Bowls, three MVPs.
He has the records for most passing yards.
That's not fair in a league that's largely black.
Well, and he's firmly on the bottom of the victim hierarchy, and we know that means he's a really, really Well yeah, that's not fair.
You gotta give those records, pass them around to some of the black guys.
Well that's right.
Pass them around to some 340 pound old linemen.
They have a life expectancy of 42.
Why is he holding on to his records?
I mean, he should.
Look, there's no I in team, guys.
Share.
And it also would explain his wonderful career.
There's an M and an E in team, though.
There's a what?
An M and an E. I don't know how to spell it.
It can be about me.
Well, I guess that is about me.
Okay, but you know what, if you rearrange it, if we're playing word jumble, the point is he's racist and he shouldn't be allowed back in, but they don't allow Colin Kaepernick by the hair of their chinny-chin-chin, which is also to rub salt in the wound because Kaepernick can't grow a beard.
Well, here's the other problem, speaking of Kaepernick.
Actually, Tom Brady's actually a family man as well.
Well, son, this day just keeps getting worse.
He has a healthy marriage to a supermodel wife, by the way.
Her name is... Okay, this is not very Black Lives Matter Marxist.
Not one of those children.
No, he has three heteronormative kids, and so I just don't understand how the NFL could let him come back into the league.
We're not allowed to call for the killing of someone, but I think you two would make an exception for Tom Brady.
I would hope so.
Well, if they didn't before, they might now after this.
This is my final point, and this really drives it home.
Is it All-American Family Man?
Tom Brady voted for Donald Trump, and he might have done it twice.
I thought you were going to say he had a white picket fence, in which case I would still also call for the assassination.
Voting Trump twice.
Well, he actually has a longtime friendship with this Mr. Donald Trump, who's been kicked off appropriately from every platform on the planet.
Yes, appropriately from the Twitter.
Right, exactly.
And he's even endorsed him in 2015 when Donald Trump was running for president.
Tom Brady endorsed Donald Trump?
Yeah.
And someone took him back?
They did, and we actually have a clip here.
Tom Brady.
Great guy.
Great friend of mine.
Great, great champion.
Unbelievable winner.
He called today, and he said, Donald, I support you, you're my friend, and I voted for you.
Thank you.
Boom.
More like Tom Shady.
Yeah.
Am I right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I said it.
Well, he's definitely cancelled now, but look, if that's not bad enough, he even had a MAGA hat in his locker.
What?
What?
Did they find it?
Who does he think he is?
Yeah, it's MAGA.
Who does he think he is?
There's no way that this guy should be allowed.
Someone leaked it?
Oh look at these steroids, it's like ass.
There's another waiting through, like get those syringes out of here.
What is that, that hat?
Yeah, in that locker room, yeah, you're just stepping on it.
There's no way that this guy should be allowed.
I mean, one of the reasons he had to go down to Florida to finish his stellar career and
take all of his Super Bowl potential with him is because he was in New England.
He lived somewhere warm year round?
I bet you he took his supermodel wife, too, where she gets to wear a bikini all the time.
It's just enough.
It's too much.
What, do you get everything?
Yeah, it's too much, Tom Brady.
And here's the thing.
He's obviously, because in sports it's somewhat of a meritocracy, so he gets to come back.
But guess what?
If there was a writer as good as Tom Brady, who existed, the best writer on the face of the earth, he still wouldn't make it into the Jon Stewart writers room.
And that is at least, even though I don't know sports that well, that's at least one of the saving graces of sports, particularly combat sports.
All right, Gerald, you know sports.
One open, he scores!
Send your tweets at G Morgan Jr. Also feel free to Photoshop his white board from yesterday.
You can comment below.
We're going to play Pokemon or Racial Slur on Mug Club, which in no way could we ever play on YouTube.
By the way, please, no one actually go out and kill Tom Brady, okay?
I don't want you to.
I'm just saying, we all feel it, but it's wrong to hate.
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