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June 14, 2021 - Louder with Crowder
01:12:51
Clinton Body Count GOES UP? What Happened to Christopher Sign? | Louder with Crowder
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I'm into what you do And even though I'm full of sin
In the end, you know I'll win They'll piss and moan, yeah, you know it's true.
But we all know it's cause they're just fake dudes.
So Wobble, please, get on your knees.
Grab some pillows, Benji, if you please.
Benji, get ready if you're feeling jazzed.
And get ready to kiss my ass They call me Dr. Trump
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I got the way to treat my- I'm in love with you
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Oh, I mean, ahoy everybody!
Ahoy!
I didn't know we were recording.
All right, it's good to be here.
Welcome to Louder with Crowder with Landau.
Yeah.
I'm excited about today's show.
We got a lot of great people in studio right now.
We got Gerald A. How are you?
I'm well, sir.
How are you?
I'm great.
Angel A. right there.
Angel A. That's what I go with.
She brings me coffee.
She brings me as many cups of stuff.
Wow, you have three.
That's a lot.
I do it at restaurants.
Are you okay?
No, I'll be like, look, I want a water, I want a coffee, and I want chocolate milk.
All of it.
Same time.
And you deserve it.
I feel I've earned it.
Tiny Tim Tebow, how you doing?
Quarter black.
What's up?
What's going on?
What's up?
What's shaking?
I'm ready.
Anything new?
No.
Nothing.
Just ready for the show!
And of course, Crawdaddy.
Darren, how are you, sir?
Always here when you're here, David.
I invite you every time because I enjoy having you in the studio.
Well, thank you, sir.
We have a very exciting show today.
We're going to discuss a couple of YouTube guidelines.
We have AOC being really smart.
And let's start off right now.
I don't know if anybody's heard about this, but an ABC News reporter got Clinton.
Oh no!
Surprise.
That actually is sad.
I know, it is sad.
They're connected to people, they have a lot of people in their lives with depression.
Die under mysterious circumstances.
Right.
But they're sad.
It's gotta be that.
Yesterday Christopher Sine, that's his name, right?
Yes.
That's a sign.
The ABC News reporter who broke the story of the 2016 tarmac meeting between Bill Clinton and then-Attorney General Loretta Lynch was found dead of an apparent suicide.
It's a shame.
He was just 45 years old, as I had mentioned.
That's a long time to wait.
It really is.
It happened a while ago.
Sneaky.
But I think they held onto it for a minute.
It's like a grudge thing.
Yeah, they're like, I can't let this go on much longer.
The depression.
Yes.
That's what I'm referring to.
You're never going to know the day.
Of course.
The day it's going to happen.
It's the 2016 meeting raised suspicion, of course, that Bill was lobbying Lynch on Hillary's behalf.
That's a little weird.
Yeah, it's a little weird.
I'm sure it's not connected.
No.
And both in 2020... I'm sure there's absolutely no... It was a 30-minute conversation on the tarmac on personal matters.
Yeah, that's all it was.
Bill Clinton was asked about this and that's what he said.
It's like when the mafia has a conversation and they put on loud music.
Hey Tony, turn it up!
Yeah, it's just because they love Sinatra.
It's not because they're hiding anything.
They love running to the payphone in the rain.
They just enjoy the booth.
Fly me to the moon, whack him!
Back in 2020, just before the release of his book, Secrets on the Tarmac, Science said on Fox News he and his family had gotten death threats.
Do you think?
You've paid the price for this, career-wise.
What kind of, you know, what kind of threats or what have you received?
Well, my family received significant death threats shortly after breaking this story.
Credit cards hacked.
You know, my children, we have code words.
We have secret code words that they know what to do.
And that's why I came back to WBMA, ABC 3340 in Birmingham, because when I was enduring the death threats, it was my former Alabama football family and my teammates, my coaches who circled around me.
Read all about it.
You can get the book right now, Secret on the Tarmac.
I don't think there's anything strange that there are more early deaths surrounding the Clintons than Vince McMahon.
You can look into that, I think that's okay to say.
Actually speaking, it can't happen.
This many young people in their atmosphere, it just can't happen.
The sheer odds.
It's just so strange because they know a lot of people, they're in large groups, and it's like, I know, but the suicide wants the direct contact.
Especially people that piss them off.
It's like taking the JFK, Kennedy family curse and applying it to Clinton enemies.
Just weird things tend to happen.
How many people can have bad breaks at the same time?
You'd be surprised.
That's a maintenance issue.
The Kennedys certainly did have bad breaks.
Well, they had good breaks until they were like, let's take out the mob that got us elected, and they were like, alright.
Well, you asked for it.
See you in Dallas.
Oh jeez.
And well, we actually do, though, and that's why I want to make sure that this gets out there, we do have exclusive footage, so please, you know, be aware that it's a little rough, but we do have exclusive footage.
Take the kids out of the room.
Take the kids out of the room, because this is actually exclusive footage of the apparent suicide.
BANG Yeah.
It's rough.
He's depressed.
I mean, he's sad.
Spoilers.
Yeah, I don't know if the book did as well as he thought it would.
I don't know what led to it.
Gosh.
How many weird coincidences can surround a family and you're like, no, totally normal.
It's absolutely normal.
I think it makes sense to run into the woods and get shot in the back like that.
I think it makes sense to hang yourself while shooting yourself in the back.
Oh yeah, it's just so sad he put eight bullets in him from long range in the woods.
How did he shoot himself in the back with a long rifle?
I'm not sure how you get the reach back.
Stretch Armstrong hands that guy.
He just used some string and he tied it to a tree.
That seems like a lot of effort to kill yourself.
Why would you want to do it that way?
But we do go out, you know, thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.
So sad for them.
Yeah.
It really is.
No matter the circumstances, whatever actually happened.
Yes, absolutely.
And I do want to just jump in here, too, to remind people this is a live show.
Every Monday through Thursday at 10 a.m.
Eastern, go on to our Instagram, our TikTok, MugClub slash live chat and comment, comment, comment.
Leave that, it lets us get seen.
Go ahead, smash that like button, whatever it is you want to do.
Leave nice things.
It's like Ike and Tina.
Yeah, it's like I can Tina I wait for that last too soon 30 years yeah dead for it's like Clinton and everyone that
says anything bad about them. Yeah, it's so weird I'm just making sure there's nothing behind me as well.
Doesn't include us.
Exactly.
They really are the Ikes to the Tina Turners of politics.
Yes.
Can I just say that I will never commit suicide in a weird and unthinkable way?
You don't know.
On air, to make sure that if anything happens to me.
I just wonder what the kid from Sequest did to him.
Okay.
Anyway.
So!
I don't know if you guys know about, let's talk about this.
This week in Biden.
Oh boy.
Ahead of the last weekend's G7 summit, Time Magazine was excited to see Biden take on Putin.
Look at that cover.
Looks so not confused at all.
Look at that picture though.
Doesn't it look like he's about to make love to Putin?
The reflections in his glasses.
He's got the face where he looks mid-stroke.
Like they're trying to make him look Clint Eastwood and he just looks like, there's the lightning in my brain again.
I mean, come on, if you're trying to make him look tough, what do you do?
You're like, I don't know, put on some aviators and airbrush the hell out of that?
Why does he have to be tough?
Because they say he is!
And he can stand up to Putin!
Yeah, Corn Pop, Putin, he just makes up characters that he's beaten up.
He's like, I remember when I took Bluto and I wanted to rape olive oil and hey, whatever.
I heard he wanted to have dinner at 4 p.m.
though.
That was in the rider to meet with Putin.
First cafeteria, 4 p.m.
He's like, you want to meet me where?
He's like, it's an early bird.
Make sure there's prunes.
I love it.
I need to stay regular.
And he always wants to take somebody behind the barn and show them, you know.
He takes Putin anywhere.
Putin's a black belt in judo.
He would hurl him.
And he's sick the landing.
Putin always probably has an umbrella on him, too, with a needle filled with poison.
Once a KGB agent, always a KGB agent.
Yeah, that doesn't go away.
It looks cloudy out, doesn't it?
He killed 20 people.
He was an interior decorator.
Sorry, Sopranos, if you got the right ones.
It looks, oh anyway, but this cover art actually went through some changes.
Yeah.
As the artist was making.
Okay.
We at Loud Earth Crowder have obtained the first draft of the original piece.
Oh, I see.
Cuties, yeah.
A little more accurate.
Are they Russian?
No.
Certainly not Russian to grow up.
I hate it.
I can't believe that was a movie.
That they're like, yeah, it's children dancing provocatively.
It's art.
We're going to have to interview thousands of kids and make them dance for the producers.
That's just, getting there is half the fun, the producers say.
Well, that's France for you.
I love being in the movie industry.
Is that every producer in that one?
Oh, I think every producer.
I need to make sure that wasn't me.
Yeah, it wasn't you.
Like, I'm nuts.
Come on.
It's a step away.
It's not me.
It's character work.
Said the fat guy from Head of the Class.
Who then went to Nickelodeon.
Did you know about that guy?
Yeah, he's a pedo, Dan Schneider.
He likes their feet.
That's why Hannah Montana had a lot of foot shots.
Really?
Yeah, he's the Tarantino of kids.
These are facts.
Not a joke.
You should look it up.
I think any video with him shouldn't be up.
We could say allegedly.
We could say allegedly.
Allegedly.
Allegedly he absolutely did.
That's what they say.
At the G7 Summit this weekend, world leaders gathered to hash out global issues.
And they kicked it off with some hearty elbow bumps.
Stop it.
Oh my goodness.
Horse jumps off like a chia pet.
Stop!
Oh look at that.
Enough!
White people with no rhythm.
Whatsoever.
Yeah, Quarter Black, how unacceptable is their whiteness?
It amazes me.
Also, if you look at the panel of them all standing there, where's the black representation?
None.
There's none.
If there was one, he'd be like, I'm not doing that elbow thing, that's stupid.
They should just cut to, yeah, just like Tiny Zeus Lister.
Give me your chain.
Listen, is a fist bump so hard?
Really?
Yeah.
Come on.
Why?
In this?
Yeah.
You're unmasked, but you're like... So lame.
Oh no, we didn't show the Canadian Prime Minister.
He was masked and elbow bumping.
Yes.
Was he really?
And also showed up in blackface again, which... Pretending he's representing an actual country.
If Trudeau is fist bumping in blackface, he's at least trying.
Yeah.
No, he didn't go that far.
His country just reached the population of Metro LA.
Yeah, there you go.
I bet if they were mic'd, you could hear them all just go, what's up, brother?
Hey, buddy!
I hate to say it, but with a little more soul, you've been hanging out with these guys.
Yeah, brother.
You wanna go down to the tennis club, homie?
I like polo.
You like lacrosse, brother?
We represent the world.
We need a world war, I'm sorry.
I'm just saying, I think us whites can admit when we're not good at stuff.
Severely uncool?
Yeah, severely uncool.
Which is fine, as long as you own it.
Yeah, you gotta accept it.
That's why I don't go up to people like, hey, I'm Dave, let's touch elbows.
You know what that's called?
This is called the weenus.
Is it called a weenus?
You can look this up.
Is it touching weenuses?
It looks like the weenus.
Listen, I don't want to touch anybody else's weenus, okay?
I'm just not an elbow bump guy.
Because my uncle never was like, you need to have a firm weenus shape.
That's gonna get you a job.
Demand respect!
Not any kind of job you want, Dave.
No.
It's a bad career.
Yeah, I heard him wrong.
But the real highlights this week was former Vice President Joe Biden's gaffes.
If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
to welcome those who have just joined us.
We have some pretty spectacular weather with them.
Prime Minister Modi, President Ramaphosa, President Moon, if you'd just be a minute.
And the President of South Africa.
And the President of South Africa, as I said earlier.
Oh, you did?
I did, I certainly did.
So...
LAUGHTER When you get an idea...
I'm sorry I'm gonna get in trouble with staff if I don't do this the right way.
Jennifer Jacob, Bloomberg.
I'm going to get in trouble with my staff.
Yeah, go ahead.
Pretend that I didn't answer you.
You've kept in place some Trump era steel and aluminum sanctions.
And I wanted to ask you, when you're having these conversations with European allies who are very concerned about these sanctions, how do you justify that?
And what are your plans?
120 days.
Give me a break.
Need time.
COVID is, I know you all know, but a lot of people may not know what COVID is.
If you have a problem, figure it out whether you're for me or Trump, and you ain't black.
What was 120 days ago, the last time you shit his pants?
I need more time.
I need fiber.
I gotta, I ate a lot of total.
Too much total.
He comes out like 30 seconds before he mentions, he welcomes the president of South Africa and he's like, hold on, Boris of South Africa.
Yeah, I got you covered, man.
And then he just puts his hand out like a senile old man.
Oh, oh, please don't say anything else.
What do I say?
Yes, as I just said.
As I said earlier.
I like how he thinks they're laughing with him.
I know.
No.
And they're not.
He is so desperate to be one of the cool kids.
He like just absolutely wants to be accepted amongst that group and will do anything and say anything to get it.
Oh, absolutely.
And they're probably just sitting there going, when do you want to take over America?
They're like, yeah, we love working with Joe Biden with him.
He just encourages an attack, it seems.
He's an idiot.
I mean, I don't even know if he's an idiot, but he certainly, he forgets everything.
Whatever you want to call that.
Speaking of creepy older guys, we have some of this Dan Schneider stuff.
Oh, do you?
Let's take a gander so people know.
So this is from Drake and Josh.
Oh, see?
That seems like a Nickelodeon show.
For the kids.
For the kids.
Oh my gosh.
Dickelodeon?
Oh wow.
What?
Did I pronounce that wrong?
We have a video of Ariana Grande.
Oh, this one's horrible.
Ariana.
Oh.
It's gross.
So, yeah, this is not my fault.
This is head of the class.
Sorry ahead of time.
Have you ever tried to get your whole big toe in your mouth?
Check this out!
Dan Schneider, everybody.
Dan Schneider.
Okay, so if anybody doubted me, him and his foot fetish...
It's gross.
We never doubt you, Dave.
I just want you to know I know a little bit about a little bit.
Was that Ariana Grande?
Is that what she said?
It was.
It was, yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
A lot of the girls were young starlets.
Ah.
You know, you got the Britney Spears or the Mickey Mouse Club.
Creepy at all.
Yeah.
No, what's interesting, they've all turned out so balanced.
Yeah.
It's not a wonder.
And you can say anything about them.
Yeah.
Level-headed.
It's why they don't understand how to be an adult.
They're like, so I'm a whore now?
Is that what you want, Daddy?
It's Miley Cyrus.
Do you like it, Billy Ray?
Do you like me when I ride it?
The Wrecking Ball.
The Wrecking Ball.
Of course.
Not a euphemism.
By the way, Token Owen also wants me to show this Dan Schneider tweet.
Oh, perfect.
What does it say?
Carly tickles Sam's very unusual toes.
If you have a moment, will you please name Sam's toes for us?
Oh my gosh, this guy.
Oh, how about, um, you deserve 30 years in prison.
Yeah!
You don't say stuff like that in public, bro.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, boy.
Jail.
Jail.
Creep.
Gross!
And you ruined Head of the Class for me, which was a show I enjoyed.
Oh, well, I'm sorry about that.
Did you not like Head of the Class?
I never watched it.
Oh yeah?
You're pretty cool.
I think it was, what is it, Boy Meets World with Topanga?
Oh, no.
Topanga, bro.
Did you watch?
Dude, Topanga was...
I'm about to tube in.
Look, I'm not gonna lie, if I was on Boy Meets World as a director, I was the same age as Topanga, but I would be, I would be creepier.
I'd be like, oh in this episode she does stuff with me, and there's no cameras.
I feel like, Dave, it's the same pitch every day.
One of these days you guys are going to accept it.
Yeah, live with it.
We need to do some rehearsal.
Speaking of sexiness, here's the question of the day.
Have you seen Jeffrey Toobin's penis?
Does his co-workers have?
Yes, where was it at?
What was he working with?
Comment down below if you've seen it.
And if so, again, where did you see it?
What did you think of it?
Circumcised?
We don't know!
Comment, comment, comment.
Inquiring minds would like to know.
See?
We just want to compare.
Because last week Jeffrey Toobin made his climactic return to CNN and gave an interview about being fired from the New Yorker.
Hit the notification bell, by the way.
Yes, because you want content like this.
You want more of it.
You want it.
You want to know when this man flashes everyone at work.
Yes.
Gerald and I are going to watch the clip with it, actually the clip now, and we're going to share our thoughts.
Not of his... Oh, thank you.
So his triumphal entry.
Not of the big or average day.
The return of the king.
Yes, it's him explaining, you know, his faux pas.
Hi, Jeffrey.
Hello, Allison.
It's been a while.
It has been a while, indeed.
I feel like we should address what's happened in the months since we've seen you, since some of our viewers may not know what has happened.
So I guess I'll recap.
I'll do the honors.
Help yourself.
In October, you were on a Zoom call with your colleagues from the New Yorker magazine.
Everyone took a break for several minutes, during which time you were caught masturbating on camera.
You were subsequently fired from that job after 27 years of working there.
And you, since then, have been on leave from CNN.
Do I have all that right?
You've got it all right.
Sad to say.
That's all you've got, really?
What the hell were you thinking?
Well, obviously, I wasn't thinking very well, or very much, and it was something that was inexplicable to me.
I think one point, I wouldn't exactly say, because nothing is really in my defense, I didn't think I was on the call.
I didn't think other people could see me.
You thought that you had turned off your camera?
Correct.
I just thought they could hear me masturbate.
Now, that's not a defense.
This was deeply moronic and indefensible.
But, I mean, that is part of the story.
And, you know, I have spent the seven subsequent months, miserable months, in my life.
Confess.
I'm trying to be a better person.
I mean, in therapy, trying to do some public service, working on a food bank, which I certainly am going to continue to do, working on a new book about the Oklahoma City bombing, but I am trying to become the kind of person that people can trust in.
I'm sure you've replayed that embarrassing moment over and over many times.
Have you ever thought about what it must have been like to be on the receiving end of that Zoom call?
Well, technically no one was on the receiving end, Allison.
I haven't just thought about it.
I've spoken to several of my former colleagues.
I think they might have liked it.
I mean, I didn't see a lot of frowns.
There were a couple ladies that did the little applause hands.
It was weird.
It was a good show.
I think they realized that this was not intended for them.
I think they realized that this was something that I would immediately regret, as I certainly did.
And I practiced a lot to make sure I'm not on camera.
And I began apologizing.
And that is something that I have tried to continue to do.
He's almost laughing at himself.
It's like, this is silly.
We've covered a lot of political scandals.
I do it three or four times a day.
We've heard- I think we've heard enough of this creep.
Can you die of embarrassment by proxy?
You would think so, right?
He should- I just can't- every second of his life for the last seven months has everyone saw me masturbate.
So what did you used to do?
I, uh, nothing.
I, uh, I remember I stood up and then I realized that, uh, even though I was on camera, I thought they couldn't see me.
And, uh, when I didn't get the, hey, let's all join response I was looking for, I realized it may have cost me my job.
Like, are you serious?
Like, what is like, Hey, who are you thinking about?
Well, I was thinking about Alison.
Okay.
We'll have her interview you to bring you back.
Right!
It's so awkward!
And she compares it to the Hugh Grant interview with Jay Leno, which was Hugh Grant making a mistake coming on as a performer, as an actor, and trying to be funny about it.
He owned it, he admitted it was his mistake, he tried to pick up a prostitute, it was funny, but it was a man talking to a man.
Now there's a woman that's like, oh hey Jack in the Box!
I'll do the honors.
Oh my gosh, I love how he starts it out.
She's like, well, I'll tell the story.
He's like, well, help yourself.
And I'm like, oh, that's the wrong choice of words.
Why didn't they bring him back at all?
They could have just not brought him back.
He should be like Bruce Banner in South Africa.
Like, no, don't ever see him again.
Is he that valuable as a legal analyst?
Exactly.
Are there no other legal analysts you can bring back?
Yeah, it's like, legally speaking, how do you feel about what you did?
What the?
Well, it's crazy to me because, like, Louis, pardon me, Louis C.K.
was taken off the planet over a year ago, two years ago, because he did that in front of two women that were willing, with permission, even Sarah Silverman, Janine Garofalo, they've come to his defense, and he's been completely taken off for something that happened in private and treated like a pariah when he's a genius.
And now you have this, this guy, This guy did it in front of everybody, supposedly on accident, which I don't understand.
Do you not know how to figure out your time balances throughout the day?
You're like, boy, I really got to get one in.
All right, break.
I know there's a good three minutes I have.
Well, his excuse was, I had another window pane up on my browser, right?
I obviously was.
I was like, really?
Like, you're like, oh, I got a meeting in about 15 minutes.
I'm going to start looking at some porn really quickly, and then I'm just going to put it on pause, because that's how porn works.
And then you go into the meeting.
Of course he was looking at somebody on the Zoom call, and that's what started this whole thing.
And he's like, no, I promise you, it wasn't me looking at one of my co-workers who I now am, you know, back amongst.
Yeah, he's the guy who buys a penthouse at the airport.
Because he's like, this is going to be a 45 minute flight, and if I don't relieve myself, there will be hell to pay.
But now, the public response to this interview has been overwhelmingly uplifting.
And we here at Louder With Crowder hope CNN rises to the occasion and gives Toobin his own show.
We've got a few in mind actually with this week's 7 plus 1 Jeffrey Toobin show titles.
You forgot Sivan in the chamber! There's always one in the chamber.
Especially with Toobin.
Especially with Toobin.
He's at the ready.
Man, he's constantly got one in the chamber.
Just that he needs to get rid of.
We have... So sorry.
No.
We're sorry.
I'm not even sorry.
This should be pointed out.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry for them bringing this up.
It's just such liberal privilege to be like, oh, you're fine.
It's been seven months.
Yeah, you just masturbated on me.
Me Too's a little bit over, I guess.
We don't really care about women anymore.
It's not over for his family.
No, no.
And I believe it's called Me Too-bin.
Let's start the show.
That should definitely be the hashtag.
7 plus 1.
Number 7.
Full frontal with Jeffrey Toobin's penis.
That makes sense.
Number 6.
Crawdaddy.
Hardballs.
Of course.
Number 5.
Inside politics with Jeffrey Toobin's penis.
Number 4.
QB.
The Sticky Situation Room.
Don't wait to say number four, that's Meat Man!
We'll do that, we'll go to Gerald for that one.
I'll do it.
Your World, number three.
You want me to do three?
You're gonna do two.
Hold on, who's on first?
You're gonna do two.
I'll do two.
I'll do three.
You go.
Your World, and Jeffrey Toobin's penis.
It just kind of... I'm not even gonna say anything.
I'm gonna beat it to death.
Two.
The Sticky Situation.
There you go.
Redemption.
And number one.
Terrible.
CNN Newsroom with Poppy Harlow and Jeffrey Toobin's penis.
We do have a plus one, don't we?
Okay, well let's see.
chamber. We do have a plus one don't we? Okay uh well let's see uh oh Anderson Cooper 360
with Jeffrey Davis.
That has been 7 plus 1, Jeffrey.
You forgot to turn in the chamber!
You could just add it on to every show title and it works.
Oh, always one in the chamber.
It works.
You could.
That's why I, uh, when, when we were putting those together, we thought, let's just add Jeffrey Toobin's penis.
By the way, he's being upstaged by his penis now.
People are talking more about his penis than they're talking about his kind of knowledge on legal subjects.
Yeah.
He's embarrassed, but he's also like, this isn't so bad.
He's infamous now.
A lady's interviewing him about it.
Like, so what were you thinking?
Oh, I'm garbage.
Roughly the same thing I'm thinking right now.
Can I get a minute?
Can we turn these cameras off?
Yeah, they actually had to shoot that five times.
They're like, Jeffrey, we just gotta get through the internet.
Come on!
I'm sorry!
Power through, Jeff.
But every time it cuts off on me, I gotta... I mean, come on.
We see it, but just the fact that you recoup so quickly and do it again... The energy you have!
Oh, he's garbage.
I mean, good luck, Jeffrey.
So terrible.
Who's gonna take this guy seriously from now on?
He's gonna offer some kind of, like, really insightful legal analysis and I'm just gonna be like...
Can you imagine him as your lawyer?
You're like, yeah, you get that guy from CNN, Jeffrey Toobin, then you Google him and you're like, I don't want this.
No, not this one.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, surely we've all touched ourselves on Zoom.
Who among us has not been on camera?
Why live in glass houses?
Has name become a verb?
He pulled the tube in.
It's gonna be there.
It's classic now.
So AOC, she's really smart, I think.
Brilliant lady.
Just a smart woman.
Not an idiot savant.
Less the savant.
Last week AOC blamed Trump for... What?
Yeah, her, uh, what is that?
Abuelas.
Abuelas, right?
It means grandmother.
Is it grandmother?
It means grandmother.
I do not speak French.
Not a lick of French.
Last week AOC blamed Trump for her grandma's impoverished living conditions in Puerto Rico, tweeting, Just over a week ago, my abuela fell ill.
I went to Puerto Rico to see her.
My first time in a year, plus because of COVID.
This is her home!
Sorry.
That is how she wrote it.
You are correct, yes.
This is her home!
Hurricane Maria relief hasn't arrived.
Trump blocked relief money for PR.
You are fake news.
Over the weekend, however, AOC's alleged aunt... Wait, alleged aunt?
Wait, that's a little... That sounds weird.
Who wrote that?
Was it Lily?
Lily!
Get in here.
Get in here!
Come on.
Geez.
Oh, being called in the carpet.
Face the music.
Yeah, sit down.
Lily, you wrote Alleged Ant.
I did, yes.
Yes.
You're alright with that?
I am.
Don't pull a tubing.
Now, why did you write Alleged Ant?
Alleged Ant.
Well, the Daily Mail article, apparently the reporters went to Puerto Rico and actually found her abuela's house, but there was this lady who identified herself as AOC's aunt, so it could be her aunt or it could just be a based Puerto Rican lady who gave a statement, which either way, what she said was true, so.
All right.
You're free to go, Lily.
Thank you for coming in.
You're gonna allow it, Dick?
I'm gonna allow it.
It makes sense.
Plus, if she was a goofy, crazy woman, she might as well be her aunt.
Did AOC help her out at all?
You know, it makes me think of Sam Kinison.
Couldn't the cameraman just throw her a sandwich?
She's got a Tesla.
She's got all these nice clothes.
Makes me think of Barack Obama and his brother.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, that's right, yeah.
We were discussing this earlier, like, it always seems that these Democratic, political, whatever you want to call them, have a brother, or a cousin, or family member.
Or an abuela.
Yeah, or an abuela.
Or a boo-buela.
Who hates them.
And completely sucks with the other party.
They're like, oh, do you know him?
Oh, he sucks.
He's terrible.
Oh, she's an idiot.
I want them!
She could not read until she was 17 and even then it was just the menu at McDonald's.
Who among us, Dave?
Who among us couldn't read?
So anyway, her alleged aunt told the Daily Mail that the living conditions in Puerto Rico aren't Trump's fault, saying, it's a problem here in Puerto Rico with the administration and distribution of help.
It is not a problem with Washington.
We had the assistance and it didn't get to the people.
Oh my gosh.
And this, believe it or not, isn't the first stupid thing AOC has done.
Here are five more examples of the dumb things AOC has said just this year.
Just this year?
We have to limit the time frame, okay?
We only have so much time.
This isn't a four day long marathon.
Let's see, she said, almost died during the January 6th ride.
You guys remember that?
I can tell you that I had a very close encounter where I thought I was going to die.
And you have all of those thoughts where, you know, at the end of your life, and all of these thoughts come rushing to you.
And that's what happened to a lot of us on Wednesday.
And I thought I did not think, I did not know if I was going to make it
to the end of that day alive.
Um, and.
And not just in a general sense, but also in a very, very specific sense.
She was in a different building, right?
Yeah, across the street.
Yeah, I was worried about that.
She talking about the BLM riots?
you know uh... it believe it or not protest no no uh... believe it or not it was the uh... the insurrection
what to senior tour group that went through the care Correct.
The guy with the horns that no one took seriously.
Like, oh, okay.
You look in the background, there's nothing but priceless works of art from centuries ago, untouched.
Oh yeah.
No tags.
Spray painter.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
You remember too, when she said, and somebody broke into my office, where is she?
And it later turns out that it was a security guard trying to make sure she cleared the path.
Yeah.
Too busy hiding under my desk.
Come on.
You can stop playing the victim at any time.
It was a security guard that's like, the sounds are coming from that way, so you're going to want to go over there.
I know it sounds like chances get her, but it really is like get her to safety, so go check them out.
Yeah, those are those are safety shots you're hearing.
Well, then she said on a podcast called Latino USA, because Latinex they didn't hear about, that she was in therapy because of January 6th.
Took some time, and it was really Ayanna Pressley, when I explained to her what had happened to me, like the day of, because I ran to her office, and she was like, you need to recognize trauma.
And that this is something that you went through, but we're all going through.
And it's really important to pause after that.
So you're doing therapy?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm doing therapy, but also I've just slowed down.
I think the Trump administration had a lot of us, especially Latino communities, in a very reactive mode.
Is that how she orders food at a restaurant?
I'll have the taquitos.
She does it on a Latino network where she's speaking English.
It is amazing, isn't it?
She's like, I'll be speaking English all except for the easy words.
Abuela.
My abuela.
I will have a gordito!
And large pesi.
Trump had us in a very reactive mode.
Yes, reactive in voting for him in record numbers.
You're right.
Y'all were so scared that you voted for the guy.
Yeah, you certainly were more busy when you were lying to people.
Yes.
Well, you still are.
Well, she also said that climate change was caused by racial injustice, which I do agree.
I have noticed that every time somebody drops an n-bomb, it rains.
That's terrible.
What a dumb comment.
On me.
I'm just saying, you shouldn't be racist.
I think that's very obvious.
I will say, though, it doesn't affect the weather.
Ah.
Unless you count... I don't think so.
I mean, I guess if you count the smoldering cross, but there's really, like, what, how does it even... Let's hear what this idiot, genius has to say.
In my opinion.
Are you for real?
Let's talk about this because so much of our national conversation which is not a conversation about immigration is driven by people who could not care less about immigrants.
More often, people want to say, why aren't you talking about the border crisis?
Or why aren't you talking about it in this way?
Those fans are aggressive.
Well, we're talking about it, they just don't like how we're talking about it.
Because it's not a border crisis, it's an imperialism crisis, it's a climate crisis, it's a trade crisis.
And also, it's a carceral crisis.
Because as I have already said, even during this term and this president, our immigration system is based and designed on our carceral system.
If I tell you to hold your phone sideways, and if you don't it's going to cause climate change, will you do it?
Is she putting those effects on there?
Guys, help me out.
Is that us or was that in post?
That's a TikTok or whatever it is.
Is she doing it on her own eyes?
On purpose?
Wow.
No, that was God.
God did that to her.
Yeah, he decided to give her a giant... I'm hearing the words, I just don't understand what she's saying.
Oh, good news, she doesn't either.
Yeah, they're just spewing it.
Carceral... what is... is this... am I the only one in the room that doesn't know what that is?
Prison incarceration, I think?
Carceral?
I'm guessing.
I'm straight up guessing.
I think she's... it's the babies in cages thing.
But it's she said the words carceral.
Correct.
And then said it again to make sure we... It was right.
So she either pulled a Biden and doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, which I'm leaning towards, or... Okay, carceral.
What does that mean?
Relating to or suggesting a jail or prison.
My guess was right.
Here's what happened.
She knew a word I didn't.
But she also put up air quotes and then explained why she used air quotes.
That's true.
You can't do that.
And she also googled that.
She didn't know the word.
She wasn't like, I just use it all the time.
It sounds like a made-up word.
It does.
Well, because she probably couldn't sound out incarceration.
She was like, I need something with less syllables.
Glad y'all walked me into that one.
Appreciate that.
That's no problem.
I would like to order a chalupa.
Oh my gosh.
The border crisis is caused by imperialism.
Yes.
By having a good country with people that are successful and are free.
Our empire is so nice.
If we could only just be as shitty as the rest of the world in this area, they would be never coming here.
We would be fine.
Right.
That's her argument, I think.
Yeah, I think her argument is it's racist to have, you know, a border that's being watched.
That's true.
Which I think we all can agree on.
Our family's not being killed by, you know, the cartel.
Right.
I mean, that's... I mean, they're here, and they're good.
You don't hear from them.
When they want to get rid of somebody, it's not sloppy.
It is.
I mean, you see what her alleged aunt said about the aid not getting to people.
That's the territory of the United States, Puerto Rico.
Yes.
Throwing money at a situation with third world countries like Mexico isn't going to fix anything.
It's not going to get to anybody.
Look at Haiti.
How much did the Clinton Federation Foundation send to Haiti. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. I
haven't got to anybody. Good luck. No. Oh, yeah Well, and you know that she wasn't even concerned about
this because Matt Walsh. I don't know if you guys saw this He started a gofundme. Oh, yeah to help AOC Zabuela and
within 24 hours they raised over $100,000
To send down there, but we're told by either Her or somebody in her circle who knows that they would not
be accepting the funds and so all the donations based on GoFundMe's
thing go back to the people who donated.
It's like, you just tweeted out that she's living in these terrible conditions and that she needs help and it's Trump's fault, and we said, oh, okay, so there's some red tape?
We'll cut right through it.
We'll give you charity, which is actually the best way to solve these problems, and you said no.
We don't want it because of who it came from.
Right.
Or it just turns out she's lying and the woman just doesn't have HBO.
Well, that's true.
Send a look to the carceral system because they do have HBO and CNN in jail.
It's a punishment.
Abuela's got a new sports car, thanks to GoFundMe.
Yeah, that's the first thing Abuela buys.
You idiots.
It's a grandma, but I'm 49.
It's a new low rider down there.
Oh, do I love a good El Camino.
Especially when they hop.
Oh yeah, you gotta be able to hit them switches.
They leave the ground.
AOC has more.
Finally, AOC said, the answer to rising New York... Hold on, hold on, that's the last one.
So you said this already, but you said climate change was caused by racial injustice, but there's a clip for that.
Is there really?
There is, yes.
The Green New Deal also, importantly, recognizes the systemic cause of climate change.
Because while climate change is a planetary crisis, it is not caused by an environmental or random... It does not have a random or environmental genesis.
It's not just human-caused.
The band.
It's societally caused.
The book of the Bible.
The climate crisis is a crisis born of injustice, and it is a crisis born of the pursuit of profit at any and all human and ecological cost.
Which means that we must recognize in legislation that the trampling of indigenous rights is a cause of climate change.
The trampling of racial justice is a cause of climate change.
Because we are allowing people and we are allowing ourselves to make sure, we are allowing folks to deny ourselves human rights and deny people the right to healthcare, the right to housing and education.
Oh.
Did she say the trampoline of racial injustice?
Yes.
Sounds fun.
I'd go.
They're actual words, but in syntax they just don't work.
Could it be like a blow-up castle?
Why did she say trampoline?
The bounce house of racism.
I think somebody leaned over to the guy and like, hey, she looks like she's rambling.
Can you say, yeah, that's right in just a minute just to throw everybody off and let her reset?
That's right!
Just to sound like somebody agrees with her.
Yeah, you're right.
She just stumbles back into affordable health care and housing.
She throws it all out.
College, I think we should tax the rich.
No Amazon.
What else did I forget?
Society, people, and folks.
The redundancy department of redundancy.
The super slide of hate.
It's lethal, deadly, and been known to kill people.
Yes, it has.
This would be a little bit more humorous to me if she wasn't actually making policy.
It would be more humorous if there wasn't somebody there like, yeah!
I agree.
What did you like about that just now?
Surprised AOC.
Oh, I have a... Wow, I got a fan, I guess.
Yeah, she's like, well, this is weird.
Usually people don't like to acknowledge that I don't know what I'm saying.
This guy's like, preach on!
Preach!
What a dunce.
What?
What?
Preach on!
Preach!
What a dunce.
In a good way.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Allegedly.
I mean, she could score very high on that.
And finally, AOC said the answer to rising New York crime is to stop building jails.
And it is not acceptable for us to use jails as garbage bins for human beings.
Does she have a stutter now?
She talks to Joe a lot.
Yeah, it's rubbing off.
Oh my gosh.
Organizers!
to throw people for whom we don't want to invest in the actual holistic issues of their
lives.
If we want to reduce violent crime, if we want to reduce the number of people in our
jails, the answer is to stop building more of them.
The answer is to make sure that we actually build more hospitals, we pay organizers, we
get people mental health care and overall health care, employment, etc.
It's a support system.
It's the et cetera that really puts a fine point on it.
And we do all the other stuff we need to do to help them, you know, and et cetera.
You fill in the blanks.
Come on.
If you've committed a horrible senseless act, we feel that you should get benefits.
That was the Green New Deal, you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Et cetera's always good to say out loud because it just shows you don't know what you're talking about.
You know, health care and et cetera.
Well, what do you mean?
I, you know, stuff.
Listen, I just said that we should stop building jails and that'll create fewer criminals.
I need a minute.
Yeah.
This guy just slaughtered eight families.
What, does he have dental?
I feel like this is the, this is the, this is her, like she, over the weekend, she watched the Field of Dreams and she's like, if you build it, they will come.
And she's like, oh, if we don't build it, they won't commit crime.
Yeah.
And they're so insensitive.
Their mind just blows.
We're going to talk about prisons.
Can I have the entire backdrop be people of color?
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, what?
What are you doing?
Not a good look.
No, not at all.
Oh my God.
How stupid is that?
It's like, we need to stop building jails.
Well, they're building them because the crime.
They're not building them with the hopes of having people book a room for a night.
Yeah, they're not garbage disposals.
They're prisons, where you have to put people that aren't fit for society currently.
I mean, I do think that there's obviously flaws in a prison system.
If it really is about rehabilitation, I think people do deserve a second chance.
I really do.
I think it's about cheap labor, and Kamala Harris would know more about that.
We should ask her.
She put a lot of people in there.
Yeah, rumor has it she kept people in for the labor.
Allegedly.
I don't want to talk out of court.
Alright.
I think she's a wonderful woman.
Great.
I think she cares about the country.
Yes.
Hey Dave, has she been to the border yet?
Uh, no.
No.
No, no.
But she's flown over it.
Yeah, she's aware it's there.
Okay.
Somebody gave her a map and said, now please draw the border.
Alright, check.
Done.
This is your job.
You're supposed to take care of this.
Well, she doesn't want to go there and see what her friend built.
You know, the guy she called racist and ran with?
Anyway.
Rapist.
Is that what it was?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, that's... I'm sure she called him racist at some point.
Yeah, he smells kids.
Uh, so, and finally, AOC's... Oh, no, we did that already.
No, finally!
Let's just go on to a happier... You know what?
Let's go... What happened?
Something... Ah, okay.
Don't bring it up.
It was you, Dave.
Was it me?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, did I... Did I pull a tube in?
You did.
It just hit the desk.
Sorry, guys.
You're fine.
Alright.
It's a hand trick.
I can do it without touching.
Lift a rock with it.
Tubin's guilty of an entirely new crime.
Yes, it's true.
But we don't want him in jail.
We just gotta make sure he's getting good benefits.
Happy birthday, Donald Trump!
It's waiting for that, Tim.
It is the former president's 75th birthday, which he looks great for 75.
75 years young.
Yeah, 75 years young.
Compare him to Biden.
Yeah, don't.
He actually looks better since he left office, don't you think?
Yeah, he does.
I think he's less stressed.
Oh, yeah.
He's having fun now.
And 75 is actually three times the age of anybody that's meant to Clinton.
That's some good facts.
Yeah, yeah.
It's true.
I mean, it might be true.
You know, we don't know for sure.
We wouldn't want to get in trouble for saying a joke.
Allegedly.
A lot of... I mean, like Canada.
Oh, man.
They're... Not to derail.
We have to move along.
No, but you're... I don't mind the derail.
The derail?
Oh, that's... I take the derail.
You know who likes the D-Rail?
Stop it!
I immediately regret my choice of words.
There you go.
Toobin!
Toobin is the conductor of the D-Rail.
And he's the only passenger!
That's a third rail you're talking about.
I am a child, I'm sorry.
Actually, I'm not sorry.
This brings me joy, and I know you're laughing.
A lot of people don't know this, but he actually had a short music career.
Oh, did he?
Okay.
And to celebrate his birthday, let's look back on some of his greatest hits.
Get ready, for now that's what I call Trump.
In this compilation, your favorite president makes these hits his own.
Don't go chasing GDP.
The median income is a better metric.
And who can forget the Pete Buttigieg song?
Splish splash, they were taking a bath.
And it was a couple of b****s. Voted on by the attendees at the weekly White House Talent Show, this collection is sure to make you want to get up and dance.
Nikki, don't lose my number.
Might replace pets with someone else.
I might.
Haven't decided.
Support the police, because they work really, really hard.
News.
It's all fake news.
B-I-G-C.
That's how you spell Hillary!
B.I.G.C. you're an a**hole, senator for Hillary. Welcome to the a**hole called California. There's a homeless face,
poop all over the place. Lots of poop.
Now that's what I call Trump.
Now that's what I call Trump. It's available on CD and cassette. Call 1-800-MAGA-2020 for details.
It's sold out instantly.
It's already gone.
I got the Laserdisc.
Did you?
Yeah.
The little one with the thing?
Yeah.
They call it CD.
What is that thing?
Can you fast forward?
I don't know.
It's like a VHS.
I don't know.
I'll tell you this though.
Reading these YouTube guidelines?
As you know, I think we should put this out there on my episode, because it seems anytime my host people dig up old stuff, and somehow I get blamed.
We get a channel strike.
Let's be cool, YouTube.
I'm your boy.
We've had fun together.
Just because I didn't call you back after that date doesn't mean we didn't have a good time.
No.
But who orders the lobster and steak on a first date?
You did.
It's a little much.
Didn't put out.
No, not put out a little.
Just a little peck on the cheek, which is like saying, don't call me.
Is that really what it is?
Yeah.
And then you're complaining that I didn't call you.
Well, you didn't give it up.
Wow.
I'm not saying you got to give it all up.
Oh, okay.
Like a hug.
Like a hug.
A hug would have been fine.
Yeah.
Thank you for the meal.
Yeah.
I'll be honest.
I think they went to the bathroom and threw it up.
Oh, an $86 dinner.
Wow.
Was it Tess Holiday?
Yeah.
Well, yes, she's, boy, she's got to get it together.
I think she should eat more.
No, for real, she's anorexic.
It's a disorder.
Yeah, it is.
It's a disorder. Yeah, it is. It's a huge disorder.
As you know, we've received two strikes and one warning on this channel because of YouTube's
arbitrary enforced guidelines. This is really what we're gonna say. Okay.
And we've all read the guidelines front to back many times over, and yet we still can't make sense of the extremely vague language.
So now we'll go through each guideline we allegedly violated.
Why don't you give us the first one?
Alright, our first warning was back in March 16th on our COVID lockdown anniversary show where we were celebrating, and I know this sounds weird, one year of 15 days to flatten the curve.
Those two are equivalent.
And here are the rules YouTube has about COVID-19 misinformation.
Okay, so It reads, content that encourages the use of home remedies, prayer, or rituals in place of medical treatment, such as consulting a doctor or going to the hospital.
By the way, don't we all kind of uniformly make fun of people for not seeking medical treatment?
Oh, yeah.
We're like, guys, come on, even if you believe in God, this is like an outstretching of God's hands to give doctors the ability to help you, so that seems a little weird.
Well, yeah, that's why.
Don't wipe your butt with the answers.
That's, yeah.
No, I think that's a good way to put it.
I mean, yeah, it's like, the kid's got spinal meningitis, what do you want to do?
I don't know, tree sap?
Rub some leaves on him.
Yeah, exactly.
I think we can all agree.
Advances.
Yes.
Yeah.
Alright, so also content that claims that there's a guaranteed cure for COVID-19.
I have no idea who is doing that, by the way.
And then a few more that we'll just kind of read through because we're scared.
Content that recommends use of ivermectin or hydroxychloroquine for the treatment of COVID-19.
Yes.
Claims that Evermectin or Hydroxychloroquine are effective treatments for COVID-19.
Other content that discourages people from consulting a medical professional or seeking medical advice.
Again, we've covered this.
You always seek medical advice.
Who's advising you not to?
That's crazy.
I call the Orkin man.
You do, yes.
That's just me and his army.
Hi, my fish tank is dirty.
Can you please bring me something that I can take as medicine?
It is never a good idea.
Don't ever do anything like that.
Ever, ever, ever.
I need to kill my husband.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, etc.
Geez.
All right.
Claims that there is a guaranteed prevention method for COVID-19.
Claims.
Claims.
That there's a guaranteed prevention.
Guaranteed prevention.
Isn't that kind of like an oxymoron, Dave?
Like, isn't that the whole point of trying to prevent?
Like, it's nothing... There's no guarantee.
The idea of prevention is just to attempt to prevent it.
Correct.
It can't be a guaranteed thing.
Otherwise, it would be a cure.
Ish.
Roughly.
But I do think washing your hands and taking certain precautions is a good... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say something that might be a little controversial, but I think you should wash your hands every time you go to the bathroom.
Radical, bro!
And I see the ones who don't, and I know some of you are watching, and I want you to know, you are garbage.
And we know you.
Wash your hands.
Thank you.
Everybody knows.
Alright.
I have friends like that.
They're like, that's the cleanest port on me.
I'm like, not to everybody else.
Maybe the G7 greeting doesn't seem so silly.
Yeah, that's true.
They're like, oh, we all just came from, you know.
Not washing our hands and stuff.
Came out of the latrine.
Alright, so a few more here.
Claims that any medication or vaccination is a guaranteed prevention method for COVID-19.
Content that recommends use of ivermectin or hydrochloroquine for prevention of COVID-19.
Claims that wearing a mask is dangerous or causes negative physical health effects.
Claims that masks do not play a role in preventing the contraction or transmission of COVID-19.
Okay.
Okay, so those are just real dangerous, you know, areas.
Claims about COVID-19 vaccinations that contradict expert consensus from local health authorities or the WHO.
Hold on, by the way.
Wait, local?
Local health authorities?
Are we putting them on the same level as WHO?
Are they all, you know?
What's a local health authority?
I really don't know.
Like, is that a local doctor?
Is it urgent care?
The Hooterville doctor.
Local doc.
I have no idea.
Is it the guy who gave me the physical this morning?
Uh, pretty much.
Turned your head and coughed?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a local health expert.
And by the way, if you're bored, listen to this.
He checked my prostate and then took the glove off.
Oh.
Well, Dave, that sounds like a... It felt better for both of us.
Well, you asked for him to do that.
That was a request.
Maybe don't request that kind of treatment.
You won't get it.
I'm just saying, if it breaks, enjoy.
We have to read these guidelines and understand them and apply them.
Just imagine doing comedy with what I've just read so far, much less what we're going to get to in just a minute.
And by the way, not even just comedy.
Try to have an opinion about something without stepping on any of these landmines.
Whales at SeaWorld in the 80s jump through less hoops than we have to on this show.
All right, let me keep reading here.
So, claims that an approved COVID-19 vaccine will cause death, infertility, miscarriage, autism, or contraction of other infectious diseases.
Can't say that.
Claims that approved COVID-19 vaccine will cause substances that scroll slower.
Dave's like, well hell, I'm done with this segment, let's move right along.
I'm sorry.
I'm reading so that I make sure I get these completely accurate.
I have to be honest, I thought this was mine, and it was mine.
Oh, okay.
Dave's Show.
Claims that approved COVID-19 vaccine will contain substances that are not on the vaccine ingredient list, such as biological matter from fetuses, fetal tissue, fetal cell lines, or animal products.
Wow.
All right, Dave, I'm going to turn it back over to you.
you can read for a minute. Claims that an approved COVID-19 vaccine will contain
substances or devices meant to track or identify those who've received it, which
I don't believe that they would do at many corporations where they make you
wear a sticker or a mask or give you a vaccine passport. I mean none of that.
They would never track you, they already have your phone, why would they use an injectable?
Why would they use a chip that they're voting on? Claims that an approved COVID-19
vaccine will alter a person's genetic makeup.
Tell that to the werewolves.
You've met one.
I have met one.
He just didn't turn into a werewolf.
But he did turn into a jerk.
Claims that any vaccine causes contraction of COVID-19.
Can I?
All right.
An honest question, though.
Yes.
If you are getting the bug in you, even in a small dose, is that a possible side effect?
So, according to YouTube guidelines, we cannot discuss whether that is a possible or not.
Okay, but I just asked a question.
It's a question.
It's a question.
Not a statement.
It's a question, Dave.
It's a question.
I'm sorry.
How dare you?
How dare you question it?
Like this whole governmental body... Oh jeez.
What?
No.
No.
And moving on.
And moving on.
Somebody sounded really smart there.
Claims that a specific population will be required by any entity except for a government to take part in vaccine trials and receive the vaccine first.
That's a lot of words.
I didn't know what it meant.
I know.
No clue.
Favoritism.
It's like AOC talking about weather.
It's just like, I don't know.
There's acid rain because of hate.
Tonight, content that promotes the use of unapproved or homemade COVID-19 vaccines.
Homemade?
Alright, let's just all stay away from the homemade stuff, okay?
Yeah, probably a good idea.
It's a pretty good rule.
Yeah.
I, you know, I used to take a lot of homemade LSD and I gotta be honest, I shouldn't have.
Yeah, not a good idea.
This one's actually funny, this next one.
Oh yeah.
Instructions to counterfeit vaccine certificates or offers of the sale of such documents.
Oh, he created an entire new black market.
Way to go.
Oh, it's been created.
Yeah, it's there.
Not that I would ever purchase one.
They're too easy to make.
You should never do that.
Not that you would ever do that.
No, you couldn't just hit print.
And don't do that.
No, you should not do that.
Never.
Well, it's not like anybody's gonna be checking them.
That'd be crazy.
Content that promotes diagnostic methods that contradict local health authorities or WHO?
WHO?
There's no question.
Diagnostic methods?
I know, but if it says WHO?
Like hook them up to this other machine to see if something's wrong?
Nope.
Nope.
Can't do that.
This is boring me.
Let's get through this phone book, guys.
Yeah, this is horrible.
Let's just do a couple more.
Content that claims COVID-19 is not caused by a viral infection.
Content that claims COVID-19 is not contagious.
Content that claims that COVID-19 cannot spread in certain climates or geographies.
Why don't you just, this whole thing should just be COVID-19.
Content that claims that any group or individual has immunity to virus or cannot transmit the virus.
Denial that COVID-19 exists.
Claims that people have not died or gotten sick from COVID-19.
Oh lord.
It just keeps going.
Claims that the virus no longer exists or that the pandemic is over.
Claims that you used to work with COVID-19 at Blockbuster.
claims that you can wear COVID-19 as a hat and not get the virus.
Having sex with anybody under COVID- Nope.
Nope.
There, there you go.
Geez.
I just gotta run.
It's absurd.
It is insane.
Wait, that was called a fast fact?
That was a very slow fast fact.
That was not a fast fact.
I had to throw it in.
Come on.
Who's with me, right?
Yes.
This is enough.
Do you see the world that we live in?
Yeah, it's telling you not to discuss something that's in the news.
On a news program.
I said program.
I like when old people watch TV and they're like, I'm watching my stories.
I wonder if Angela Lansbury will solve this murder.
So many people got killed in that small town.
Have you ever seen the number?
Never watched an episode, but I told you.
I had a bipolar mom.
We watched it.
I think the town where she lived, it was like a 108% murder rate.
They were trying to beat Gary, Indiana, okay?
Oh, that's a tough task.
It's just such a beautiful place, and it's like, wow, somebody got murdered again.
And she never aged, because she looked 75 when she was 30.
Oh yeah, she always looks the same.
Gotta look pretty young.
Well, I think, are we going to go behind the paywall for some of this?
We got some more stuff here, but I think we're good to go.
Just a reminder, we are still taking chats.
Oh!
Sentimental.
We get to have your chats at the very end of this.
We'll just say this.
On May 29th, our first strike was for a video about the Nevada voter rolls, which we've discussed on the show.
Content that advances false claims with widespread flawed.
And our second strike was on May 10th for violating YouTube's harassment and cyber bully policies.
Because we revealed the death of- They alleged- Right.
The alleged death- That we reveled in the death.
McKay O'Brien, the 13-year-old girl, was trying to stab another girl- We did not.
Which we in no way reveled in that.
I think it was quite sad that that happened.
Yeah.
So let's just go ahead and say we were not reveling in the death.
We don't think that's funny.
We don't revel in the death, especially of a young person.
So that's another strike that is, in my opinion, completely inappropriate.
But, I'm going to tell you what we are going to do.
We're going to go onto the Blaze!
What do you guys think about that?
Can we do the cartoon?
I really like the cartoon.
Oh, we can do a cartoon!
I was going to do the cartoon.
And this weekend you can see me, why not plug myself?
Do it!
Yeah, do it!
This weekend you can see me at One Night Stands in Waterford, Michigan, and then next weekend at Helium in Buffalo.
So come out to the show!
How many nights are you doing in Waterford?
Just two nights.
For a one-night stand, okay.
Yeah, a one-night stand.
The two nights is... Two nights at one-night stand.
Two nights at one-night stand.
That makes sense.
They've come back for seconds.
They're good people.
A lot of times when they name comedy clubs, you just go, well, that's not gonna last.
And I'm kidding, of course.
It's a lovely town.
Come out to the show.
Each show is at 7pm each night.
Buy tickets now because they tend to sell out.
Dave is on kind of a hot streak.
I'm doing pretty well.
One of the great American hockey players from Waterford, Michigan.
Who would that be?
Nobody cares, Bob.
Back to you.
Two Detroiters talking here.
I should know this.
That's what I meant.
Not Probert.
Pat?
I didn't know he was from Waterford, though.
I did not know he was from Waterford.
Look at that! Don't yawn.
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry, do you want to talk about soccer?
You're talking about a completely useless sport, thank you.
Did he play soccer?
I didn't. Tough sport from a tough time.
He played the football.
Yeah, he played football.
I hope your CTE kicks in.
But he wore a bun.
Mid-show right now.
He wore a bun so his hair wouldn't get in the way.
What makes you think it hasn't?
Yeah, that's true.
You are always grabbing your head and...
Ow. Ow.
Ouch.
Oh, but guys, go ahead.
Go to Crowder Shop.
We got cool shirts.
That's still up, right?
Yeah, for now.
I found some really cool shirts on there, actually.
I got myself a Finnegan.
Oh yeah, that's the best shirt on there.
I really like the Finnegan shirt.
We're gonna get an Ahoy shirt eventually, or they're just paying me lip service, but I hope they do.
And right now we're gonna go off, we're going to read borderline content, go off to piss off Blaze Chat, and what can I say?
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