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Sept. 3, 2020 - Louder with Crowder
01:18:00
Barr Destroys the Mail-In Voting Scam! | Good Morning #MugClub
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Time Text
Today's show is brought to you by...
Oh, just easy. That was no, that wasn't easy.
That was more tension.
That was a tighter lip further.
It was like a tenor.
Look, I'll show you.
This is a bass lip.
This is a trumpet player thing.
And then this is a tenor, what I just did.
Different slurps.
Know.
Your.
Slurps.
We don't pay attention.
Don't know your voting laws because apparently Allison Camerota and Wolf Blitzer do not.
Which is going to be the question of the day.
We're going to be talking about that.
There's a lot to get to.
Another shooting from a police officer.
What we know thus far.
We're going to wait for the facts until we're a little bit late.
But I'm willing to play some bets.
So my question is, how do you plan on voting?
And do you know the difference between absentee voting and mail-in voting?
And do you think it's just sort of trying to muddy the waters?
Do you think they're trying to make this a little bit more opaque?
That's what people are saying, that there really is no difference.
Factcheck.org?
Factcheck themselves!
Oh no.
In that there is a difference.
We'll get into it and want to know how you're going to vote.
My half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman, is here.
How are you, sir?
Hello, great.
Good, and Quarterback Curtis here.
How are you?
Audio Wade, Gerald A. How's the little one?
Keeping awake?
Doing fantastic.
Keeping my wife awake, mostly.
Is he causing you to lose hair at this point?
Probably, I don't know.
I think that predates the baby.
Yeah, I'm going to blame him either way, though.
So did you know that Governor Cuomo, the non-lesser Cuomo, he's the lesser Cuomo and the lessest Cuomo.
There you go.
I know it should be least, but it doesn't work.
The lessest Cuomo is Chris.
Chris Anavar Cuomo.
That one Anavar.
Chris 31-gauge syringe Cuomo.
Chris, this doesn't happen by accident.
Cable curls Cuomo.
And also we have that exhibition bout coming up.
Me and Chris Cuomo have agreed to give the money to charity exclusively at Mug Club.
We'll have a teaser for that later on.
So I do have to respect... Is that a tease for a tease?
It's a tease for a tease.
I do have to respect that Chris Cuomo has stepped up and will be fighting for charity.
That's fantastic.
So the breaking news, the reason we're a little bit late this morning, I don't know if everyone's been following us, it's trending right now.
Hashtag, I don't know if I have to say it anymore, justice for Dion.
After an 18-year-old in D.C.
was shot by the police.
So people are saying, of course, this is another public lynching.
Now, the police released a statement.
So I want to give you what we do know, what everyone kind of knows, and then what we sort of have exclusively here.
This is from the police.
Uninformed.
Sorry, uniformed, not uninformed.
This is the problem with not usually using prompter.
I'm the opposite of Biden.
You put me on prompter and I poop myself.
Uniformed patrol officers of the 7th District responded to the listed location to investigate a man with a gun.
Upon arrival, officers encountered individuals in and around the vehicle.
Upon seeing the officers, two of the suspects fled on foot.
During the foot pursuit, one of the suspects brandished a firearm.
In response, an officer discharged their firearm, one time striking the suspect.
Hey!
Hey!
Why don't you release the body cam footage?
And the police said, yeah, sure, we're gonna release it today.
Oh, there you go!
So, today is Thursday.
They said they'll release it as soon as Thursday.
Now, they've made this statement.
They're ready to release the body cam footage.
It almost seems like they're itching to release the body cam footage once they've just confirmed some details.
Now, why would I tend to think That this kid did brandish a firearm with intent to intimidate or shoot an officer.
This is something that was scrubbed from Instagram.
Again, Dion here that nobody else really knows about.
This is why I would place my bet.
Outro Music Alright, at least the one guy, one guy's wearing a mask.
That's good, good for him.
He's safe from COVID.
Like Killer Mike said, the Crips really are serving their community.
They are.
They're just like a neighborhood watch.
Like the block parent with that hand, only that hand is severed because it's part of an initiation ritual.
I think it's a deepfake.
I think they put some innocent kids' faces on a video of Cardi B doing comedians in cars with Biden.
Comedians in cars with felons?
Felons in cars getting crack.
Now here's the thing, people are saying, hey, hey, hey, you conservatives out there, you're pro-Second Amendment until a black person has a gun?
No, no, no, hold on a second, hold on a second.
We are pro-Second Amendment provided that you understand what the Second Amendment is.
You cannot aim a gun at a cop, brandish a gun at a cop.
Do you really think that with this police interaction, and what is not in dispute, is there was a call, two men immediately fled on foot, okay, and then he pulled out a firearm.
So, you just have to at this point, the only thing that remains, he had a firearm, they fled, you think that again, if you're pro-Second Amendment, he said, Hey officer, I'm sorry that my other thug friends ran on foot.
I have a CCP, it's on my right hip.
How would you like me to proceed?
Please hurry up.
I would like to assist with my citizen's arrest.
Or do you think it was murder?
What do you think it was?
Exactly.
He wasn't holding the gun like this, like, hey guys, I'm not going to do anything with it, I promise.
That wasn't a Kalyan Noir video.
I mean, look, it comes down to what are the totality of the circumstances here, and I am excited.
In Biden's China, it's already late in the day on Thursday, so tick-tock on where the body cam is.
Oh my gosh.
Well, look, I saw this video.
I think it was either yesterday morning or the night before, and the video, I swear to you, was cut from the beginning.
You didn't see the gun being pulled, and in the aftermath, they're like, oh, they smoked him.
Wait, there was a video of this?
I couldn't find a video of this.
I'm 90% sure it was this.
I think you're wrong.
No, I'm pretty sure it was.
I think you're wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I'm still milquetoast.
I'm quite confident that I don't know.
You haven't said that you'd like to wager, so in that case, I'm fine.
So I'm usually okay. But anyway, they scrub the middle of it and then people start protesting
for this. So I think what you see too is his friends, they caught the other guy had a gun.
And lawyers more concerned about publicity for black. He is he's like, Oh,
what can you pause? I thought one second because got no strings to hold me down is on CNN.
The FDA has been very explicit that they are going to make a decision based
based on the data as it comes in.
You know, these trials have these independent data and safety monitoring boards.
Dr. Fauci, is the mean virus gonna hurt us?
And they are the ones that are...
Tell us where the microbe touched you.
Those data will ultimately...
Yeah, you know, here's the thing.
Right now Fauci is talking about how, well, we don't want to rush the vaccines.
Listen, if this virus is as bad as you have made it out to be, people shouldn't care if you grow an arm from your forehead.
People shouldn't care if your kids look like they were born in Alabama, okay?
I don't care if I have flipper grandkids if this has the mortality rate of Ebola.
But the fact is, that's why they're not going to accelerate a vaccine, because we When the threshold is pretty low, it's easy for the side effects to outweigh the benefit of the vaccine.
Continue with your racist point.
Well, no, I wanted to say that, too.
CNN is saying, oh, it's rushing it.
And he just said, well, actually, they're going based on the data.
So whenever the data comes in, then they're seeing if it's effective.
He just basically blew their point out of the water.
I'm sorry.
I just feel like he was actually doing a decent job.
I know, but then Donald Trump's going to say, I inherited him.
And he's going to be like, oh, yeah, I hate you, Chip.
Ah, piss off.
They're just going to get into a little bit of a brawl.
They tolerate each other.
I feel like they like breaking balls.
So the other two guys were caught.
The one guy was arrested, I think, for some charge.
I have no idea what it meant.
And then the other guy, he had a gun.
He had a gun with no permit.
There were two people with a gun.
Well, just like that Instagram video.
Life mimics social media, ain't that right?
One guy did not follow the police officer's rules and what they told him to do.
He ran away, but guess what he didn't do?
He didn't point a gun at a police officer and he's alive today.
The guy that did point a gun at the police officer, I'm sorry.
I think that's probably the way to go.
And we have a lot to get to as far as horrible behavior, including a sitting representative in California making anal rape legal.
So we'll get to that.
And then also Governor Cuomo threatening Donald Trump.
I am really concerned with these kinds of stories now, because these are opportunities to at least teach children how they should interact in polite society, black, white.
Doesn't matter.
Instead, right now when you say, this is a lynching, this is unjustified, that by default insinuates that the behavior of running away from a police officer or aiming a gun at a police officer is justified.
In the case of Jacob Blake, who people have martyred, it's saying, it doesn't really matter if you rape a woman, allegedly, then violate a restraining order, show up, steal the keys, toss some kids in the car and reach for a knife in the floorboard after fighting off officers.
It's just because of your skin color.
And so instead of telling kids, hey listen, this is probably how one should interact with police officers, which we always learned as kids.
It doesn't matter how you behave.
It's always the police officer's fault.
So it's telling kids, behave poorly!
Run away from cops!
Pull out your Mexican-style holding semi-automatic pistol and aim it at a cop.
Roll the dice!
It'll just end up with more people being shot or more people having to be physically restrained when otherwise they would've been just fine.
They would've been fine.
Yeah, and we can't do choke holds, so what do you think's gonna happen?
Is anyone really surprised at the idea, ignore the cops, they're all here to kill you, don't respect the cops, cops are all bastards, pigs, whatever it may be.
Chanting in the streets.
And not realizing that that's gonna turn a bunch of impressionable Youths.
I'm sorry, youths.
Into people who don't respect officers and who, in those moments, panic.
They panic and do whatever they're gonna do.
They're gonna run.
But I think, Gerald, your point is very, very, very, very accurate.
If this was all motivated by race... Pigs just flew out my butt.
Aren't you just shooting all the kids?
Yeah.
Aren't you just going, oh great, there's a bunch of them here, let's execute them in
the street.
President Donald Trump made a good point where he said, listen, there's some bad apples and
there are chokers.
There are people who, listen, you have split seconds and sometimes they choke.
And that is true.
We also have to allow for the fact that it's more likely that officers who do make mistakes
made just that.
A mistake.
What's more likely?
That every cop who does a bad job or hurts someone when it is unjustified?
None of these recent examples, by the way.
That he's racist?
Or that he made a mistake?
Let's even take Jacob Blake.
I don't think the officers did make a mistake.
But let's say that the guy didn't actually resist arrest, wasn't actually an alleged rapist, and didn't actually tell the officers that he had a knife.
Okay, but he was reaching into the car.
Now, does it mean that that cop is racist because he shoots the guy?
Or could it be a mistake because you're scared and you want to go home?
Doesn't mean it's right.
Just like if you screw up at work, it doesn't mean that it's right.
There are consequences.
But it's very, very different from effectively labeling someone a modern-day Robert Byrd incarnate.
I think he's going to come back in a redux of family matters.
If you believe in reincarnation, that would be perfect justice.
I'm not.
Also, by the way, do subscribe to Crowder Bits on the YouTube if you aren't already.
And of course, our show is available on Spotify, Apple, Android, everywhere.
A lot of people don't know this.
And there's a secret word buried in the audio podcast.
You come back here and comment it.
The first person to do that actually gets a little prize.
I don't know that everybody knows how much we do behind when we tell YouTube to piss off.
We're going 30 minutes, 45 minutes of extra Sure, yeah.
It's twice the show.
If you subscribe, you get twice the show.
And really, if you don't subscribe, you get no show.
Because, you know, the beer money from YouTube isn't enough.
Do you really think that I'm rolling in the Benjamins for when transgenders attack?
That little demonetize icon appears faster than the processing on the video.
Video uploaded demonetized.
Wow, they're getting better.
I do appreciate how we went from 100% demonetized to like 99.8% demonetized.
Hey, you know, victories.
Small wins.
You gotta claw for that inch!
You gotta fight and scrape for that transgender attack video to make $4.50.
Forget bodyguards.
a national treasure. Now here's another one that people are saying, hey, Governor Cuomo
threatened Trump. I don't really know that he threatened Trump, but if we were applying
the same standard as the media does to Trump, lock him up, throw away the key, here's the
actual soundbite. Forget bodyguards. He better have an army if he thinks he's going to walk
down the street in New York.
Well, that's cute.
He watched Training Day.
What's happening on me?
You know he rehearsed that.
He's like, honey, I think I just saw something on Netflix I can use tomorrow.
Yeah.
He's got the Mossberg 500 pistol grip, and he just goes.
Yeah.
He's like, Donald Trump ain't got nothing on me!
Sir, you're still on radio.
While I'm saying that, I disagree with his policy.
What a wiener.
But we can have a debate.
It's a whole family of nipple-clamped fakers.
Imagine, hold on, saying that about a president?
The rules are different for a president.
Hey, by the way, you know what else?
It's the one person you can't say that to because he does have an army.
Well, that's true.
That is true.
My half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman, better have a law degree.
That bitch better have passed the bar.
Bring it.
You know, I think Cuomo's just gonna roll out the red carpet and see if he can lure Trump into one of those senior care centers where he killed all the rest of his citizens.
And it won't trick Trump, but Joe Biden will be lured like Yogi Bear with a pie in the windowsill.
Just like he followed...
Self-lubricating.
Oh, fantastic.
Just like he followed Trump to Kenosha.
He's like, well, I'm going to do that, too.
Let's go to New York.
No, you got Biden going, do I smell PS 314?
Ooh, kids.
Children.
He doesn't like old people.
Oh, public schools.
Silly Biden.
Tricks are for kids.
They can be for me, too!
Oh, boy.
No.
Yes!
OK, you could be the future president.
Good.
That's about all it takes.
Just a little reverse psychology on Biden.
I think you should vote for Joe Biden.
Oh, no!
Just keep him in the bunker and tell him he's president.
You know, for people who really mock conservatives who prepare and have bomb shelters, they sure love hiding Biden in one.
I know, right?
Turns out they're useful.
Okay, what was it, Cloverfield Lane?
That's where he's staying right now.
Hey, we are going to be talking about Nancy Pelosi's haircut.
We are going to be talking about mail-in voting.
But actually, later on today, back by popular demand, we are going to have another Asian Off.
And as you may remember, last time they were drinking to see
who got the most pink, which determined who was the most We have half-Asian lawyer Bill Richmond, and then we have Tokunawan here, who really looks like he'd be Italian.
Poke your head in there, Tokunawan.
But do we have pictures of him?
His baby pictures?
Yeah, let's bring up a baby picture here.
So you can actually see, we can confirm that he is in fact at least as Asian as half-Asian lawyer Bill Richman.
At least.
Do we have those?
Yeah, this is him at three.
This is him at three.
He just showed a photo of me.
Look how much more Asian he looks.
Yeah, I lost those Asian eyes quick.
Yeah, I don't know how that happens.
Through surgery, I think.
Is that right?
We're moved on.
So what you guys are going to be doing later is actually, I think you kind of figured it out, but you will be both parallel parking.
Oh!
Both Asians will be parallel parking.
Now, to be clear, is that... That's going to be difficult.
Are you drinking?
I thought we were getting loaded.
Well, okay.
He's got a pretty... Well, half-Asian lawyer Bill Richman is not.
Now, they will have to parallel park.
I want to be clear, it's happening out back of the state.
We are not putting them on public roads.
Not because my lawyer is drinking.
He's not.
But again, as a matter of public safety, they are both Asian.
So we didn't want to do it where anyone... It's a safety issue.
It's self-explanatory.
I mean, you know.
It's all laughs until you endanger the American public.
And so we would not subject them... Look, there's a lot of risky things in the world, but we're not going to do that.
No, we are not going to do that.
We draw the line somewhere.
So we'll check back in with a little bit later.
But first, Nancy Pelosi.
So we talked about this yesterday, her haircut in the salon.
Right, where she locked down businesses in perpetuity, closed salons all across her city because of the China virus.
And then, of course, she was hypocritical, and we saw that there was video of her going into a salon to have a blowout.
Creeping through a salon.
That's also the least necessary thing to do.
If she needed to go get a haircut, or her roots, but she went so that she didn't have to flick the switch on a blowdryer.
It's just different sitting under the hood.
I went there and I asked them to curling iron and I took a rinse and asked them to towel me off.
Also, they fed me grapes.
Well, this probably isn't the first time.
She probably has gotten a haircut since this started.
It's just they don't have the tapes.
They'll come out.
Who knows.
But she now claims, this is the funny thing, now people always talk about Donald Trump throwing people under the bus.
He does do that.
But not for something that shouldn't matter that much, if not for the fact that you are so deeply terrified, the kind of terror that is rooted in your soul, that will require years of therapy to fix, that people figure out your hypocrisy.
So Nancy Pelosi said it was a setup.
As it turns out, it was a setup.
So I feel responsibility for falling for a setup.
Well, I don't.
I think that this salon owes me an apology for setting up.
Hey, Nancy, guess what we got in here?
Blowouts.
He's like a pie in the window sale.
Can you imagine criminals using this excuse for like a drug sting?
To be fair, at first I thought it was absurd, but we actually do have, this is also why we were running late today, we do have the exclusive security camera footage.
We want to be fair, credit where it's due.
We do have new security footage that shows, indeed it was a setup, and this is how it played out.
Phone rings Peaceful on SF?
Yes, Madam Speaker.
Yes, we can squeeze you in tomorrow morning.
Thanks They lured her in you know, you don't have to respect the
lady but respect the office Look at how professional she was on the phone how willing
she was to write down the name in the book I know.
She literally set it up.
Fassad, gotcha.
Fassad, gotcha.
She saw Pelosi coming a mile away.
You don't realize, they teach you how to cut hair, they also teach you how to be cunning.
Yes.
It's a cutthroat business.
I saw Sweeney Todd.
She's like, yes, I was a hypocrite, but it's their fault for pointing it out.
Yes, I was a hypocrite.
I mean, did you call and ask to get a blowout?
Did you in fact either request, which seems to be most likely, or respond in affirmative that you would like them to perform a blowout which was illegal for all other citizens of your municipality?
But they were the ones.
They owe me an apology.
They owe me an apology.
I cannot believe that.
Sir, did you sell this man drugs?
That's his crack!
I know, but where did he get that?
That is his crack!
It is on his person!
Was this in fact your crack cocaine before it became his through a bill of sale?
I don't know that he said, she said.
That is his crack.
That sounds like conjecture.
Is that a receipt in your pocket?
I pay taxes!
Is this a setup?
Did I get caught in a setup?
You set my ass up!
What's my ass up, sir?
Is that your pound and a half of black tar heroin in your frunk in your Tesla?
That is not me.
That is an inanimate object.
I mean, technically, that ain't even my car.
That's a vehicle.
I mean, that was in there before I stole it.
Sir, I ran the plates.
Those are yours.
I didn't.
The DMV made that shit.
I don't know nothing about that.
I'm here filling bottles.
The DMV made it.
Focus on the tar part, not the heroin part, right?
Exactly.
Sir, it's a novelty plate.
It says SL Drugs.
Are you, uh... I am not aware.
I didn't go to Spencer's and none of that shit.
novelty play. Oh my gosh. By the way. What world do you live in where that is your response?
Yes I did it but it was a sting and so I guess I'm guilty of falling for a sting. Well in the
best part. You're watching Scooby-Doo. She admitted that she had no idea what the laws were. Yeah.
Right. The person who has been the most just high and mighty about the rules and killing grandma and
I can't believe Trump went out into the rose garden without a mask.
Oh my gosh, those people are 5.5 feet apart listening to the RNC, like da-da-da-da-da-da.
And here we go, oh, the rules don't apply!
By the way, do you have any idea what a high-velocity blow-dryer does to droplets?
Have you ever seen those spiders that fly on their little web parachutes?
It's like that, only microscopic.
It spreads everywhere.
It couldn't be worse.
You're right in close proximity, creating a high-velocity turbine with droplets around your mouth.
Here's what I recommend.
If you live in an area where you can go to where her office is, And you haven't been able to get a haircut because your entire place is shut down, or you work in a salon and you happen to be cutting hair of your family at home, or wherever you're illegally allowed to do it that you're doing it, just take all that hair and dump it on the front of the lawn.
Hair clippings, and then take a poop there, because that's a lot.
That's legal.
You should all together make it into a little poop wall.
Hair, syringe, birthday cake.
The only problem is, is there already poop there.
There's so much poop there.
Well just find the existing poop and put hair on it.
Yeah.
Well that's a good point.
That's a good idea.
The point is San Francisco is a shithole and Nancy Pelosi deserves to be locked up.
So, people forget the real- oh shoot, this thing is unbuttoned this whole time?
Not until after we go behind the paywall.
The salon, of course, has been receiving threats, and now they're being forced to shut down and relocate.
So there's a GoFundMe for the salon.
And I don't know the political affiliation of the salon, but again, these are the real-world consequences.
It's a funny story, you know, because she's a horrible- it's funny, if I say the B-word, I'll get banned on YouTube for referring to a woman.
But I can go, you a bitch, and a bitch, and a bitch, and a bitch.
Nancy Pelosi?
Yeah, it was reported that they are part of the party of non-hypocrites and pro-business owners.
Oh, okay.
But I mean, they just, you know, Pelosi though.
Somewhere some homos aren't getting the wedding cake.
What I do think is...
People forget the actual real-life consequences.
Again, it's not just about your lives, and of course many Americans have to protect their lives right now, but it's just as valid to protect your livelihoods when people are burning down your businesses.
Now, I'm not, of course, saying protect your salon because it's being shut down by the government with force, but what I am saying is it's just as consequential.
We laugh because Nancy Pelosi's a hypocrite, but guess what?
There are countless, I mean not countless, there probably could count them, but it's quite a few salons and businesses in San Francisco that have had to shut down because Nancy Pelosi wants to play orange man bad with Donald Trump.
These people lose their ability to make a living and their employees.
And we often forget that you do need to look at the pros and the cons of a shutdown.
People say, well, you don't care?
No, no, we do care, but it does matter.
There are things, by the way, more important than a .3% mortality rate, which if we said three months ago would get us banned on Facebook and YouTube, even for a doctor.
There are things more important than life.
Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness.
Because if you're living life completely unfree, that does matter.
That does matter.
You do need to be able to earn a living, and we forget about these people.
Anyway, let's move on to the next story here.
What is this?
In North Carolina to tell people to vote twice to test mail-in systems.
That's not what happened.
Donald Trump was making a point.
It wasn't necessarily artful.
But this is coming from a guy who's having a drunk age in Parallel Park, live on air.
Is CNN now afraid of voter fraud?
Oh, they possibly could be.
They are terrified of voter fraud.
They've been running this all morning and everybody's saying that that's a felony, that the president just encouraged people to go out and commit a crime.
No, he was making a point, like if you cast your ballot by vote, I'm sorry, your vote by mail, you have no idea if it got counted, if it got there at all, if it got they got counted and so what he's saying is like,
hey, if you trust that system, the only way is to go down there and try to vote
and to see if it's already been counted.
Now Bill, you made a good point, not all votes are counted before the election,
but that's the way that it's supposed to work.
If you've been sent an absentee ballot on the other hand, all you have to do is try to vote and they'll say,
sir, you've been sent an absentee ballot, you can't vote.
I can invalidate that ballot right now and you can vote, or you can miss the ballot.
And in nearly every state, and that's what we'll get to, an absentee ballot,
there is a difference between what is currently being proposed as mass mail-in voting
and absentee ballots, which are totally valid and I have no problem with.
I think people should use absentee ballots if they're going to be traveling.
Many states don't require a reason, you do have to request it in the vast majority of states
and there's a verification process, which is not the case with the currently proposed
mass mail-in voting system.
Now I do just love this guy.
Bill Barr is great and he was interviewed last night by Beans Blitzer, for those who don't.
He does, he looks like it!
He does, he does.
And not current Beans that makes you sad, but just child Beans from Evan Stevens and me growing up.
Baby Beans.
Baby Beans.
Still makes me sad though.
It does make me sad as well.
Anyway, for those of you who don't believe me, this is one, I believe that it's so definitive in who is in control of this interview with Beans Blitzer and Bill Barr that I don't want to taint the jury pool.
You tell me.
As far as widespread fraud, we haven't seen that since... Well, we haven't had the kind of widespread use of mail-in ballots as being proposed.
We've had absentee ballots from people who request them from a specific address.
Now what we're talking about is mailing them to everyone on the voter list when everyone knows those voter lists are inaccurate.
People who should get them don't get them, which has been one of the major complaints in states that have tried this in municipal elections.
People who get them are not the right people.
They're people who have replaced the previous occupant and they can make them out.
And sometimes multiple ballots come to the same address with several generations of occupants.
You think that's a way to run a vote?
Mmm-hmmm.
Mmm-hmmm.
I love Bill Barr.
That man bent over Wolf Blitzer.
Over, Wolf Blitzer.
He threw him a question again that he knew the answer to.
Do you think that's a way to run an election?
The only correct answer is no.
Well I'm just saying we haven't really seen that.
Well first off actually we have.
New Jersey, Michigan, we've done whole segments on the kind of voter fraud that you've seen.
There are some states that do mail-in voting where they automatically send out these ballots.
And the response was we don't have the kind of data of mass widespread mail-in voting.
Now the data that we do have is inconclusive at best and shows that it is just fraught with voter fraud in the most likely scenario.
So now you basically, you know, it's like doing a sample in a petri dish
and even though it doesn't work, you're like, oh my god, this could just kill everybody, you pull a Wuhan and you
let it out.
Exactly. Well, what's the threshold where it should count?
Because I did a quick Google search this morning because everybody was jumping on him like, if there wasn't a state
in Texas or a situation in Texas where this happened.
Well, does 700 votes matter?
Because that happened this year.
There was a guy who's been indicted for 700 absentee ballots that he was trying to forge for people.
He stole them from elderly people.
How about this?
How about 95,000 people on the voter rolls in the state of Texas that aren't U.S.
citizens?
95,000 people!
Is that the line?
Does 95,000 count?
Because I need to know where the line is, guys, when you say there is no problem with mail-in voting.
None whatsoever.
We've got a little Bar Junior here.
It's a little angry.
I like it.
it's in glasses and everything. It moves. Jumpy. But Trump in talking about it has made
CNN now anti-voter fraud.
So either way, he's actually pretty smart.
They're not anti-voter fraud.
They're anti-Donald Trump addressing voter fraud.
And let's clarify the differences here.
Absentee ballots generally have to be requested.
And this is something, too.
They're different by state to state.
Some states do have mail-in voting.
I think it's nine states.
Some states, with absentee ballots, require an excuse, meaning a reason.
It started with military service.
Most states don't require an excuse.
Some states are experimenting with sending out absentee ballots through a verification process, but sending it out automatically.
The general rule, though, is the difference between absentee ballot voting, and even factcheck.org was saying this is not really... No, you have to request it.
You have to send in a request, meaning you have to send that request with a return address that has to be verified.
Many states require identification, or they verify a signature.
It's a multi-step process as opposed to, and you get a ballot, and you get a ballot, and you get a ballot, And by the way, you should hit the notification bell, because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot on YouTube, and notifications let you know that we're doing the show every day at 10 a.m.
Good Morning Mug Club, and then specials whenever there's an election, town hall, debate, and of course Mug Club.
Every other day of the week you get twice the show.
Something else, too.
Mailing voting, where ballots are mailed to every voter, it's been nine states.
That's it.
There have only been nine states.
And we have had some problems with a lot of these states.
But here's the ultimate point.
Some states, like we said, some states have an excuse.
You're required to have a reason.
Some states don't.
Some states require a request.
That's most states.
Some states don't.
There isn't a standardized process.
And even with a mostly standardized process, with absentee voting, different from mail-in voting, we have problems.
So the process that already requires several verifications, it's like when you create an account, whether it's Google or Twitter, you give them your phone number.
Don't you think that that makes a little bit of a difference compared to just creating it with a random email where it's never confirmed?
You could just keep creating emails!
I still have a hotmail address!
So that's very different!
And then there are states like California that allow ballot harvesting, right?
So you've mailed out these millions of ballots to people and somebody comes around and says, hey, I'll take your ballot for you and I'll go turn it in.
It's coronavirus, you're old, you shouldn't go outside, right?
They look at it.
Potentially they could look at your ballot and go, huh, Republican.
I don't like that.
Toss.
Gone.
You have no way of knowing if that's happening or not.
And I don't think that every one of these people out there ballot harvesting is doing it with the best of intentions at heart, right?
I really don't think that they are beyond doing something.
Not only that, I don't think that they're doing it with bad intentions.
They could be incompetent.
Exactly.
They could just lose them like the USPS does.
Or just take the possibility out of the equation and not do that at all.
Yeah!
That's a good point!
Damn you!
So one of the points that Bill Barr was making is, think about what happens when you do things at scale.
How big his dick is?
It was implied!
I thought there was more read between the lines.
But you know, like for example, YouTube.
The way YouTube kind of blames the issue is that they cannot review material at the large scale because now they have to employ robots and the robots just happen and not like conservative voices.
And they also employ random people, by the way, who mass flag conservative videos.
They've had to acknowledge that.
Right, and they just can't control those people because those people didn't get instruction or whatever.
But what the issue here is, he's pointing out, is that sure, maybe some states who have done this for a while, they're used to doing it, they still have some problems, right?
So imagine if states who have been doing this for years have some problems, what will happen to states that happen to switch it in Corona?
People can barely do anything in life right now from a business standpoint.
Government is already having a lot of problems, but now you're going to implement a brand new system into these states, and then what is going to be the likely outcome?
Besides even just having a problem and a question about harvesting or other things like that, you then have the problem of when are these votes even going to be counted?
Where are the staff to be able to count these?
Where is the ability to have these types of checks?
That's why we have in-person voting in the first place.
Well, what's funny is they constantly blame, right, Donald Trump.
They're saying he wants to erode trust in American institutions like the FBI, the DOJ.
Yesterday, the number one trend was it was Democrats trying to get rid of the Electoral College.
And right now they want to push mass mail-in voting that many Americans, I think a plurality
of Americans, believe will be more likely to result in fraud than in-person voting.
So who is it who wants to erode the trust in American institutions?
You don't want the First Amendment.
You don't want the Second Amendment.
You don't want us to be able to vote in person, or to be required to vote in person, despite the fact that Geppetto himself Said, it's just as safe as going to the grocery store, and this really comes down to also intent.
Do you really believe that Nancy Pelosi, the main one who's championing this idea of mail-in voting, do you really believe that she's afraid to go out and vote in person when she's getting a blowout?
No, I don't think so.
And by the way- She's having, effectively, a jet turbine blow her spittle!
And she's like, I would go vote where we can be six feet apart in a line?
No.
What am I, insane?
I have to take a Joe's run with my used bag.
Yeah, I have one more stat for you.
If the numbers that I gave you a minute ago weren't good enough, how about millions?
In 2016, millions of votes were either not counted because they were filled out incorrectly, lost in the mail on the way out, or lost in the mail on the way back or received after the deadline.
Millions.
Do you know what else is another fail-safe against that?
The Electoral College.
If it's not just determined by the popular vote, which can be in the margin of a couple hundred thousand votes and a population of 300 plus million people, you have states that have to be held accountable for their process, for their representatives.
There's also a reason for the Electoral College that New York and California shouldn't determine how the rest of us live, because guess what?
In this day of viruses and blowouts, they're the worst!
They're the worst!
Everyone's leaving New York and California.
Just Joe Rogan leaving California is putting a tax dent!
They were counting that money when that Spotify deal came.
Oh, okay.
30-something million dollars in taxes, right, that are not going to California.
Now just, you know what, add it up.
Do you think there's at least 200 Joe Rogans, let's say, in the whole state of California who have left?
200 people who are in that multi-million dollar range.
Add up the billions that are being lost!
More vacancies than ever in the history of modern New York City!
Wow.
right now because people are leaving. Those two places should not determine
how the rest of the country live and of course if you simply do it by a popular
vote there are fewer systems of checks and balances and so it is more likely to
be fertile territory for fraud. Also Bill Barr, call me.
So, you know what I would say is one of my biggest concerns is the the problem
I think there's two real big problems.
You mean parallel parking in five minutes?
Yes!
No, are you kidding me?
He's stalling, can't you see?
Hey, Gibbon, you ready to lose?
It's two things.
One.
He's floating already.
How much time is it going to take for us to get these results?
January 2021.
And what is going to happen in the meantime while all those votes are just sitting around
waiting to be counted because they had so much more mail-in voting or absentee voting
than they ever had before?
We're already going to have a lot of absentee voting.
But when you look at those other states, who's going to be mostly affected?
Local elections are going to have some of the biggest impact because they don't have
the electoral college at all to affect your local, your county, or your state elections.
And those are often separated by dozens of...
of votes. Exactly. So now you've got dozens of votes that maybe came in early, you've got thousands
of votes that came in late, and then what are the elections going to look like? What are people going
to be able to do? How's the planning even going to happen?
So remember the huge deal the Democrats made about Florida? About machines that were tough to
operate? What do you think is going to happen when you send out ballots to addresses that likely don't
even exist to people who don't know how to use an iPhone?
Do you think they're going to hit that punch card perfectly?
Do you think they're going to use a number two Scantron-friendly pencil?
And only one side is putting forward this process that's fraught with fraud and has all these problems with it because it's easier for them to win.
Donald Trump wants to erode trust in American institutions by using the same method of voting as we have used since the beginning of the founding of our country.
This crazy radical!
He also thinks you shouldn't shoot cops.
All right, speaking of absolutely outlandish, and I want to hear from anyone out there who has actually voted absentee.
I had to do that in Canada once with Stephen Harper.
That was my first ever vote.
Anyone who has voted absentee, comment below and let us know what that experience was like, because it's different from state to state.
Did you have to send a request?
Was it sent to you?
Did you need an ID?
Or did they just require a signature verification?
It depends.
So I want to hear your experiences if you voted absentee.
And if you've done the mass mail-in vote, I think you should be deported.
Speaking of absurd stories, we're going to get to hear a story in California where it's going to be legal to engage in anal sex with a minor and not having to register with a sex offender watch list.
But you know what?
But no one is safe right now in this era of Me Too, as seen by our latest installment
from a sponsor.
Oh, didn't you hear?
We can't be rapin' no more.
Arr, no.
Sad to say it's true, Arr.
Old Johnny Two-Eyes got me too'd.
It's only pillagin' for us now.
Oh.
What?
That's gotta be hard.
I'm not sure there's enough in this business for me now.
Come on, you're a great pillager.
I know, I know.
Your plunderin' ain't bad neither.
No, I know I'm an above-average pillager, and at least a passable plunderer, but...
I mainly got into this for that rapin'.
Oh.
That was the main selling point.
The real closer for me.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Thank you for coming in, Miss Paltrow.
Have a seat.
I'm Harvey.
I don't know.
What was that?
I don't know.
Let's not use any sexual innuendos going into this next round.
That wasn't intentional.
So we've talked about this next guy who's sponsoring this bill.
He's a representative, of course, where else?
In the awful northern area of California.
In case you want to know who he is, here are some pictures.
I think we have them right here.
Do you have them there?
There you go.
You know what?
Respect the office.
He's the tall one.
The tall one.
Yes.
He's the tall one dressed like a black-tied diddy car.
Just doing cartwheels on a pecker.
It's gotta be difficult.
Keep in mind, this is the same guy who we had Chad with AIDS on.
This is the same guy who made it legal to knowingly transmit AIDS to sexual partners and not have to disclose it.
Oh my gosh.
He was championing that cause.
That's the hill you want to die in.
In my America, no one will be foreboding from knowingly transmitting AIDS.
Listen, this is modern enslavement.
Would I have to go around with my aides telling, I have to tell everything I stick it that I have AIDS?
Haven't the gays been through enough?
Haven't we been through enough?
They're oppressed.
I need not be punished for my friction, mainly AIDS, but the friction!
The two are inextricable!
So this is the guy.
Now his latest bill that was passed yesterday is where it makes it so that adults who have sex with same-sex minors don't have to go on the sex offender registry if a judge declares it not necessary.
So keep that in mind.
In other words, if it's within a 10-year gap in California, And it's that range between 14 and 17, so if someone is 24 years old, they have sex with and groom a 14 year old.
Now, if it's sodomy, so oral or anal sex, they don't necessarily have to go on a sex offender watch list if the judge, also in Northern California, determines, who knows, that you don't have to.
I don't know why this is something that people are deciding to push.
And keep in mind, this is also, you can go read Scott Wiener's profiles, it's being marketed to gay people!
Right, as an advance.
Remember when people told you it was a slippery slope?
If you're like, I don't know, could it lead to pedophilia?
What are you saying?
That gay people are pedophiles?
Which I have never said I'm not saying.
But this bill kind of insinuates it.
Yeah, the San Francisco Chronicle covered it.
We just showed the overlay.
They said it's helping out LGBTQ people.
Yeah, there's an epidemic of LGBTQ not being able to statutorily rape minors without having to go through the horror of introducing themselves to their neighbors.
Fuck you, Scott Wiener!
I hope you understand where I've lined up.
This man is a monster.
And you did want to clarify something here.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I mean, you know, if you are committing, if you commit statutory rape, it could just be that the parents of the 17 year old that you slept with in year 19 are pissed off that you did that, right?
If you have vaginal sex, you don't automatically go on a sex offender registry.
It goes to the judge.
The judge gets to determine if you do.
The Supreme Court of California upheld that that ruling in 2015. So five years ago, really probably
four years ago, I think it was in the fall, they upheld that ruling and said, yeah, because if we
put a father on that registry, he's going to have a tough time going out and getting a job
supporting the kids. So we want to do that. And to be clear, that's for like 18 and 17 year
olds or 19 and 17 year olds.
Right. Yeah. But the Jack and Jill laws in other states don't apply necessarily.
But we're now talking about a 10 year gap as young as 14.
Right.
A little bit different.
You can go 14 to 24, but Reg actually made a great point.
He's like, this is just open season for breeding, or not breeding, but for grooming, right?
Do you know how breeding works?
Grooming!
That's a great point, because you can't make the argument that there's a bunch of 19-year-olds out there trying to groom 15-year-old girls.
It's not necessarily the same thing, but there are tons of older men who are trying to groom young boys.
Listen, the Kevin Spacey thing, that was an open secret, okay?
Right.
Now we're talking about a difference between a pedophile and a pederast.
This is very common.
Older men in the gay community, Milo Yiannopoulos talked about this, with teenagers.
It's not the same thing as like a 50-year-old, an uncle with like a 6-year-old kid, but it's very common for 14, 15-year-olds to have relationships with people who are 24, 25, or in their 30s.
And you know that once this law goes into place, it'll destigmatize it.
And of course, it's just going to be a lot easier for these folks.
It's interesting that they delineated now to make sure they went out of their way
to include oral and anal sex and then market it, basically promote it toward the
gay community. And then that's how it was passed. It is something that, um,
listen, I understand it. Let's say a 14 or 15 year old boy, obviously they already are sexually mature,
but to act as though these kids are capable of making longterm sexual
decisions and that they are not being abused.
If you think it's an abuse of power for Harvey Weinstein to put someone on the casting couch, what do you think about a 14-year-old kid and a 24-year-old college grad?
We shouldn't be encouraging that, allowing that kind of sick, twisted grooming.
Can I use the term degeneracy here?
It's not a gay thing.
It's a rape of a 14-year-old when you're a grown-ass man thing.
I would say the same thing about a man having sex with a 14-year-old girl.
It's the same thing to me.
It's disgusting either way.
Right.
But the thing is, unilaterally, if you were to try and promote a bill right now to the overall heterosexual community, if Donald Trump were to get up there and say, and listen, part of my platform for the next four years, not a single, not one, some people say one, frankly, not one more 25-year-old will be punished for diddling with his digits a 12-year-old, that won't happen in my America.
You're like, what is he saying?
You don't think that would be in a CNN chyron?
And I had to double-check because I thought it was his porn name.
Scott Weiner is four.
Scott Weiner, exactly.
And I had to double check because I thought it was his porn name.
Scott Weiner.
Stage name.
Stage name.
Only in California.
Only in California.
Well, you know, sometimes in confessional booths.
And it's important to note here too, this is a guy who not only made it legal to knowingly
have AIDS or HIV and have sex with a partner and not disclose it, again, that means there
was a law that, hey, hey, hey, listen.
Gotta do it.
We don't want to discriminate, but listen, if you got the HIVs, if you got AIDS, you just gotta tell someone before you put it...
You just have to tell them so they know what you're about, namely AIDS.
And this guy said, never!
Not in my America!
Resist I must!
I will pass on my AIDS at will, good sir!
I do not yield my time, I shall yield my AIDS to all!
So, you know, one of the big differences between misdemeanors and felonies is there's a whole different level of consequence when you have felonies, right?
Felonies are reserved for things where you're, like, doing deliberately harmful action, right?
You know, whether it's assault or murder or whatever it may be, and the misdemeanors are the more minor ones, right?
But now in this situation, what he has argued is that if you deliberately infect someone with AIDS, you know that you were infecting them with AIDS.
It's not that serious.
The viral load can be undetectable.
Someone get in a DeLorean and tell Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.
I know that I'm blurring the worlds of fiction and nonfiction, but the point is, this is a really messed up situation.
I wonder how he would feel because he's in San Francisco, right?
I wonder how he'd feel about somebody knowingly being a COVID super spreader, not disclosing to people before he or she kisses somebody else that they have COVID.
You just described his foreword for Bernie Sanders' latest romance novel.
By the way, in case you guys don't remember, Bernie Sanders wrote erotica back in the day.
You don't remember this?
Bernie Sanders!
Bring it up, Tocanow.
We weren't even playing this.
Did he really?
Yes.
Type in Bernie Sanders erotica and it was about a woman when she's having sex with her husband is secretly fantasizing about having sex with three guys.
Wow.
I want to hear him narrate the audiobook.
Wait, are they all three him?
Like, Bernie from the 70s, Bernie from the 90s, Bernie from the 20s?
I don't know, but I assume they all get an equal share.
It's all sweaty, too.
That is crazy.
I did not know that.
One more for you, Bernie.
You're crazy.
You see, women want to be raped.
Yeah.
That's part of the nature.
That's what I learned in Russia.
And it's the one time he'd feel comfortable using the term trickle.
Sorry, this is reality, folks.
Now, here's the thing.
The Scott Wiener is also pushing another bill, Bill AB-2218, in which They would provide taxpayer-funded sterilization and sex change hormones for, and I call this child abuse, for children.
Here is the MLK, uh, gayer.
I was told over and over again, you must be a predator.
You must be faking it.
If you're a trans kid who wants to play sports, you're just trying to scam the system.
No one's scamming the system.
This is about people who are just living their lives.
Let's make sure they can access health care.
And yes, trans children are trans and they are also members of our community and they are our children and we should be embracing them for who they are and providing them with the health care that they need.
He wants to embrace them with a needle.
I love you, Timmy!
Testosterone blocker!
I hope you like your cancer.
He made it legal for people to embrace them.
Yes, that's what it was.
No, it's about giving forced sterilization and hormone blockers, sex change therapy, to children taxpayers subsidized.
Children who, by the way, cannot legally make decisions regarding their sexual choices.
They can't legally make decisions regarding the whole lot!
They can't drive cars!
But they aren't sexually developed, but we're going to allow them to undergo procedures that will affect their sex life forevermore, namely that a lot of them can never experience an orgasm.
By the way, I don't know if it's related or just random, but a 42% attempted suicide rate, I would think, not climaxing has something to do with it.
My life would be devoid of meeting.
Well, it's before they even understand what that means.
Yeah, these are children.
They don't actually understand the consequences of their decision.
There's still learning the difference between a mushroom weenie and a tree weenie.
They don't even know that!
They don't know the religious protocol of circumcision!
But we're going to let them, not only let them, force taxpayers to pay for it.
And keep in mind, this is something with YouTube that they said was hate speech.
Saying it's child abuse.
Now if you want to be trans as an adult, fine.
Do whatever you want.
Now don't consider it hate speech if I misgender you because you look like a man in clown makeup.
If you want to live your life, that's fine.
I don't have a problem with it.
You might throw me off if you have a Moo Moo and Letterman jacket.
I don't know which way you're going, but you do you.
It's very different with children, especially when you're allowing for taxpayer subsidization.
Why all of a sudden are we talking about, right now they're on CNN talking about how Donald Trump is against the data.
Just like the mail-in voting.
Well, listen, we don't have data on mail-in voting on a massive scale across the entire country, but we do have unique data points available to us that would suggest fraud occurs.
Now, we don't have massive data of an entire generation of kids who have been on puberty blockers as young as six years old, but we do have data that shows us that men with high levels of estrogen are manipulating the testosterone levels in women.
These kinds of endocrine disruptors Lead to cancer.
Now, we can't say we have massive data because we haven't done it yet.
We will.
But anyone who's ever used the term Roid Rage, reverse that.
It's no testosterone depression.
It's very, very well known and for some reason all of a sudden science doesn't matter because we want to get some dollar-dollar bills from Uncle Sam to cut off your pee-pee.
Well, and do you see how he couched it, too, as health care?
This is one of the problems with saying that health care is a human right, because then you can start stuffing things into it and say, oh, well, this is just health care.
Abortion is just health care.
By the way, after a glass of wine, I tend to have a little less stress, as do most Americans.
That's health care.
Can maybe you send me some wine on the taxpayer dime?
That'd be fantastic.
I'll sell it to you.
I own a business.
Yeah.
Gerald, did you just pitch your own business?
He did.
Brilliant, man.
That was awesome.
I know, and I have a couple glasses of wine.
Just my thoughts of my age just fly away.
I forget to tell people all the time.
So I'm on board with the bill to allow me to knowingly infect human beings with AIDS!
That's hard to put on a bumper sticker, though.
I don't hate you because you're gay!
I don't hate you because I'm not allowed to as a Christian!
But I hate your actions, okay?
Namely, creating a bill and pushing it that allows you to knowingly infect human beings with AIDS!
And we talk about the legitimate role of government.
Could you imagine expressing this to Jefferson or going back to Mason?
Like, ooh, that's an interesting concept.
Do you mean to clap?
No!
I'm in a disease that destroys your immune system and makes you look like this picture, Jared Leto from Dallas Buyers Club.
You know you have it, and you can stick it in another guy's bunghole without telling him.
Well, that's disgusting!
Yeah, we'll put the two laws together.
You can legally infect a child with AIDS.
14-year-old, there you go!
You can knowingly infect a 14-year-old with AIDS.
Thanks, Mr. Wiener.
They hadn't even got to that part in the sex ed curriculum yet!
I feel like at this point we just need to have a moratorium on any politicians named Wiener.
Yeah, so far it's not working out.
That is a good place to start.
We're going to get Reg the Bandit to look it up and find out if there are any redeeming qualities of politicians named Wiener, but I feel like they all not only do like one thing bad, but then they do multiple things bad, and they all involve sex in some way.
That's always degenerate in some way.
Also included at Tech On a Deathless, John Thomas and Fuddruckers.
All right, we are going to be back after the short break from our wonderful sponsor, Black
Rifle Coffee and the Azen Rosé-Shoff Parallel Parking Edition.
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Like a lot of things with COVID, right now there have been some shortages for some coffees, so we haven't been able to get the vintage roast namely because we want it for you guys out there.
We don't want to buy a lot, but we've been using the silencer smooth, and that's delicious too.
I'm not a dark roast man, just like I don't like my steak butterflied and extra well done, but You do you!
Doesn't mean I'll respect you!
But right now, two people I do respect, and maybe a little less after this segment, it's time for the second
installment of Aysen Rosacheoff.
Oh man, and you know what? That's um...
When I threw that coffee bag, it wafted to me, so I can smell it.
It smells delicious.
Imagine putting a blow dryer on that.
That's nowhere near the velocity of a commercial level blow dryer.
Black Rifle Blowout.
Some day I just want Nancy Pelosi to get on that elevator chair and the gremlin to just launch her out the rear floor window.
That would be fantastic.
Look, I think the biggest thing I don't understand about the Nancy Pelosi thing is I did not realize skeletons with skin stretched over their skeletons, over their bones, I don't understand.
Aren't we all skeletons with skin on the inside?
No, I'm pretty confident I have fat in there.
Half-Asian lawyer Bill Richmond has not had a drop to drink, of course, but Tokunawa has.
And what, are we looking to see who they are?
Okay, quarterback Garrett is going over.
So half-Asian Bill, explain to them what it is that you will be doing.
Your first Asian rosé shot was they drank until someone turned pink and Tokunawa turned purple.
I think it's because he passed out and started to aspirate, so I couldn't do it.
Right, I know.
So he was more Asian, and right now he's already a little bit pink.
Apparently he thought we were drinking today.
Again, this is being done in the back parking lot.
We would not subject Americans to that safety hazard because they are still Asian.
Private property, not a road, no problems.
So you will both be going out back with our very own Thomas Finnegan.
We have protective gear and you'll be parallel parking and we will determine the winner.
We'll be measuring it.
Who do you expect to win?
Me.
Okay.
Do you think you're going to win TokenOwner?
Is win being more Asian or is win being properly parking the car?
You want to park well, but it's not so much being most Asian.
This is parallel parking, not becoming a doctor.
You're not going to win unless you do.
It's not about being the most Asian.
That's a byproduct.
The most Asian is the one who, you still should win the challenges, but obviously the one who parallel parks the most poorly is clearly the most Asian.
But who do you think?
Because science.
Who do you think you're going to win?
I'm gonna go with Bill.
I've been drinking all morning.
To be fair, it was a strawberry lemonade truly.
It's a polymorphism of the genetic enzymes!
That's true.
Look at him speaking out of turn, he doesn't understand the pharmacodynamics!
The last time we did this I was hungover all afternoon.
I brought breakfast for him because I knew he was telling me about it roughly yesterday and I was like, I think he misunderstands.
He was telling you about it, so apparently Asians also can't keep a secret.
That's how your wall was breached three times.
Someone was let through the front door.
I told him about the drinking. Can you keep a secret? I don't know, can you? He told me something different though.
I told him about the drinking, not about the... Yeah. Oh, okay.
About the parallel parking. Who do you guys think is going to win? Oh gosh. I'm going with Bill.
I'm going with Bill too.
That truly is going to get to him.
I'll vote underdog with Gibbon.
I vote Tocanawan.
I'll tell you why.
Because Tocanawan spent a lot of time in Seattle and then Los Angeles.
Bill is a country boy who then kind of lives in a suburban area.
He has better skills at parking.
You had inside information, it's unfair.
You work with him every day!
I know.
I don't have an inside lane here!
That's true.
Just say hi every now and then!
Racist!
I don't ask any questions.
Racist!
I'm gonna win my five bucks.
Alright, so- I definitely have- I parked my car in LA, like in South Central, like in between two cars where there was no- like you couldn't even put a penny in between.
And they were on fire.
Not even a penny.
Not even a penny.
And the next Asian would take it!
Then some unsavory characters keep my car.
I was about to say, yeah, did you get that car back?
So while he's great at parallel parking, he's a terrible car neighbor because he trapped other cars in.
And he's also really loose with the pennies.
Well, that's also true.
Save them up, they become dollars and they become...
There's mainly state pennies.
Alright, Tokunawa, go out there, get in protective gear and audio aid.
You can let us know when Thomas Finnegan is ready.
I think he's ready.
Oh, we do.
We have Thomas Finnegan.
So, Thomas Finnegan, can you hear me, sir?
I can, Stephen.
How are you this morning?
I am doing well.
Thank you, Thomas Finnegan.
Can you explain to us, if you're so inclined, the rules today?
What will we be witnessing with the Asian Rosé Chef Parallel Parking Edition?
Yes, essentially they will be using this vehicle to park between these four cones and whoever is the most successful by being between 12 and 18 inches from the curb will be the winner.
Tell him to put on his helmet and his bulletproof vest.
Yeah, that's unsafe.
Yeah, we don't need another interview.
We already interviewed him.
You're drunk.
You know, it's good that we're doing this because it's going to make him feel more like he's back in South Central.
Right.
You know, have all the protective equipment.
And that seems like a very generous parking space there, Mr. Finnegan.
Well, we're trying to take the proper precautions just in case.
Well, the only one who's at risk is you.
Should we take it in a little bit?
Yeah, I think we should take it in a little bit.
Hold on, we do have Asians driving.
Well, I know, but you know what?
We don't want to be prejudiced through the toxicity of soft expectations.
I want to believe the best in you.
Thanks, Clarence Thomas.
I expect the worst.
Let's pull it in a little bit, guys.
Justice Clarence Thomas.
Let's pull in the pylons a little bit.
Mr. Finnegan, can you pull them in?
Yeah, you can be a multi-faceted talent here.
Which ones would you like brought in?
All of them.
The ones that are closer to you, pull those in a little bit.
Yeah, let's pull in one and we'll tell you how far.
Keep going.
Keep going.
That's, what, does that seem... Yeah, on the line.
Right on the line.
Put both of them right on that line, Mr. Finnegan.
Alright, so there we go.
We're going to put that on the line and I believe we have some chyrons here as this is going because, of course, we're an official news entity.
You can let us know, play along, tweet at us about who you think will win.
Alright, let's get Tokunawa and let's get him in the car for the Asian Rose Chef.
Yeah, Tokunawa.
He's the Asian guy.
Where'd he go?
Did he disappear?
Is he in the car?
Is he got his vest?
I think he ran away.
Tokunawa has his vest.
He's ready to go.
He's wearing his protective equipment.
All right, Tokunawa.
Make your way to the vehicle.
Go ahead.
And, you know, be careful.
I don't think he can walk.
Hey, I just want to know, is there a time limit here?
Is he going to take, like, seven minutes to do this?
Ooh, that's a good question.
That's a good question.
Yeah.
Well, we should count how many points of the turn he does.
Right.
If it's just straight in.
Yeah, we should count how many points.
That's a good point as well.
We should have just thought this through.
I have a timer.
We can time it.
Wait, is that Bryce's car?
I can't believe he let us use his car.
Pull your timer up.
It's actually Brendan's car.
Pull your timer up.
Brendan traded in his car now?
Here we go.
That's a nice car, yeah.
Steven Togenhauen is in the vehicle.
It has been started.
Okay, let's go.
Once it starts moving, I'll start the clock.
I believe he's put on his seatbelt.
He's moving.
Clock has started.
He's wearing Spartan bulletproof body armor.
He avoided the pedestrian.
Look at that.
Angela's lovely.
Now you gotta start it when he stops.
This is when you start it.
He's already failed.
I feel like we need music for this.
She bang, she bang.
Oh baby, way she move, she move.
Wait, nobody told him how to put it into reverse.
What is he doing?
Wait, did you know that Asians are missing the alpha 34 numeral receptor?
Oh yeah, there you go, some little genetic... Is this a standard?
He's now reversing.
Gosh, it took him 13 seconds to find the gear.
I thought this was going to be funny.
to make it. No, that's a...
Oh no, you just glove on him, you hit the cone?
You hit a cone?
Well that's definitely a merit.
Oh my god. That's a foul.
That's not good. Nope, no, don't keep going.
He has run over the cone.
You couldn't fit a pin in the top hole.
I thought this was going to be funny, I didn't think it was going to be actually racist.
Gibbon has a message for us?
Oh, he ruined the cone!
Thomas Finnegan, wave him down.
He has something to say.
Go ask him with your microphone, Thomas.
I think that's it.
He's not in gear.
He's not in gear.
Are you alright?
He's in gear.
He's doing another attempt.
You're just running over the cones again.
You just killed four people.
Those could have been four people getting much less.
That's company property.
I don't think we made the parking space too small.
He just doesn't know what he's doing.
I mean, that's a subcompact for crying out loud.
He's like, look, if I just hit the cars behind me, it creates plenty of space.
Thomas Finnegan, go and ask him what he thinks went wrong there.
Was it primarily the drinking or the Asian?
Token Allen, come on out.
What exactly went wrong there?
Was it the drinking or the percentage of Asian?
Oh man, you know, Thomas, I think it was a number of things.
I think from what, you know, the helmet kind of got in the way.
Oh, whatever.
It's harder to do without real cars.
I couldn't really see the cones.
My backup camera has definitely really spoiled me.
But overall, it's probably just the Asian genes and being a bad driver.
Okay, alright.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Alright, Thomas Finnegan, we are going to send out half-Asian Bill as you send in Tokunawa.
We'll see in a little bit there, half-Asian Bill Richmond.
You know what?
Sure is me right for betting on the underdog.
Yeah, you should not have done that.
I'm looking real good right now.
That bar is low, Bill.
It took him a minute and 25 seconds and 10,000 in damage to the car behind him.
But it is a valid point.
If he doesn't have a backup camera, you may not be able to see the pylons.
Remember, I was the one who wanted to do cars, but no one else... No, don't do cars?
Well, yeah.
Now, in retrospect... So here's the thing.
When you parallel park, as you know, you cut it so much that the pylons come into view.
Right.
The whole point is if you can't see the pylons, you haven't cut it enough.
Well, so now I'm wondering about this story with the penny.
Oh, it's a long shot.
Choconaw has been standing in the middle of the floor like he's buying an old phone.
Who stopped?
Come on!
Totally out of it.
You can sit there if you want, Tocanon, so you can put on the headphones, because I think we're missing headphones for you here.
Were you expecting an applause when you came in?
Is that why you paused?
Did you expect Mr. Pink to be that bad?
No.
That was brutal.
I've got to say, I've watched my mom parallel park better while I was aiming a BB gun at her.
Yeah, like I said, the backup camera really spoiled me.
There's no backup camera in that?
No, that's why we wanted to go with Brendan Starr.
Is that the one that Brendan has locked himself out of like five times?
Yes, it is.
He slept overnight just because he couldn't work the Slim Jim to get in his car.
Are you serious?
At the office, yes.
Oh my gosh.
I didn't know that.
So that makes sense.
That's great.
How do you not know?
He was calling you multiple times.
We have video of you sending him to voicemail every time.
Alright, I think we're ready here with Half-Asian Bill to go out there and see Thomas Finnegan there.
Let us know what is going on.
Is Half-Asian Bill ready?
Well, Stephen, Bill is putting on his helmet and vest.
He is ready to go.
I'm gonna hand him the keys.
Okay.
There we go.
Thank you, Half-Asian Bill.
Go get in the car.
Make the best of it.
Make the best of it, sir.
There we go.
He's approaching the vehicle.
He doesn't look happy.
He doesn't have the same vigor that you do.
So you know what?
Maybe we called it wrong because you know what?
You cannot account for enthusiasm.
That's true.
There's a lot of enthusiasm.
He's going to pull it off and it's going to look great.
I would take a less technical Asian parallel parker with heart any day of the week.
The vehicle has been started, Steven.
Okay.
And by less technical you mean somebody who hits other cars.
Did you know Asians invented Chinese?
Forward motion.
He's trying to stick this now.
Like a 12-year-old gymnast from his homeland.
Look at that speed!
Clock started.
He's turning, he's turning the wheel.
He's got it.
Cut it!
Cut it!
He's got it.
Nope.
Cut it.
You gotta cut it more.
He successfully stopped for the pedestrian.
Also great camera work to whoever did that.
Okay, Gil is in the reverse turn now.
Oh, no.
He's failed.
Failure.
Failure.
He's very close.
Let's see what happens.
Oh, he missed the cone by inches, Steven.
Not the one behind him.
Well, he hasn't hit anything yet, because I can see him on that line.
You know what?
This is actually... I do think we went a little small with the space.
And this is a pretty good parallel parking job for an Asian.
For an Asian.
If it were a German, they wouldn't let him on the Autobahn.
Alright, Steven.
Technically he's in.
He has not hit any cones yet.
But now he's driven past them.
Through the two back cones.
Wow, you know what?
That's creative thinking.
That's why he's my lawyer.
That's why he's on retainer.
That's not fair at all!
Problem solving.
If you're not cheating, you're not trying.
I will say this, Stephen.
He has handedly owned the Token Owen in this adventure.
Thank you very much.
I don't really think we need the measurements.
Mr. Finnegan, thank you for the work, sir.
We're going to welcome Half-Asian Bill when he comes back in here.
Oh wow, did you know that Asians possess mouth telepathy?
Thank you very much, Stephen.
Thank you, Mr. Finnegan.
We appreciate it.
Alright, let's let him go.
Interesting.
That was, uh, that was...
I don't want to say...
What's the opposite of invaluable?
It was not valuable.
I got my five bucks.
I told you.
I told you, Bill.
This was a giant waste of time.
You know what's crazy, though?
All the long trips that we take, when we're doing super videos and stuff, I'm driving like 90% of the time.
Yeah, I know.
We need to change that.
That being said, however little value this carried with it, it still is more useful than What's going on on CNN right now?
That's true.
Soon, Biden arrives in Kenosha.
By the way, anyone talking about how he's playing politics with it?
No.
He said Donald Trump is playing politics with Kenosha, and all Joe Biden did was copy him.
Yeah, he just followed him.
Oh, he went there?
That's good.
See, it's okay whenever Joe does it.
Alright, half-Asian Bill, how are you feeling, sir?
Oh, good sportsmanship.
Great competition.
No internment camps for you.
Oh, that's good.
It's okay.
So Bill was obviously the better Parallel Parker, but which one was more Asian?
the Chinese. So Bill was obviously the better parallel parker, but which one was more Asian?
Right. That's what we have. Here's the thing. It is undoubtedly right now,
Tokunawa is more Asian. He gets more pink with the drinking and he cannot parallel park.
Like if his...
If his family were being held at gunpoint and all he had to do was parallel park a smart car, it would be certain death.
All you have to do is hit the button, the parallel parks it.
Just hit the button.
Yeah, so I think that we're gonna have some more challenges.
You guys let us know what you would like to see next in the Asian Rosé Shop.
I think making train tracks.
Yes, that's very, very good.
I would like that.
Or if people want to comment below, if we get enough people who say they'd like us to do it, we will paint Gerald's nails.
Oh, no.
No, you won't.
Nope, that's not happening.
I vote one, right here.
Yeah, that's not a bad idea either.
You can drink and paint nails and that's not a problem.
You can still show up in court the next day.
Alright, thank you very much half-Asians and put them together, it's a full Asian.
We'll be right back after this quick break and a close for the week, and we'll see you
after that.
Welcome back.
I'm very much looking forward to it.
Oh yeah, so excited.
It's going to be happening in October, me and Chris Cuomo.
So I do have to respect the man who enters the arena.
Yeah, that's fair.
My original request, of course, was to drug test Cuomo, but that was not happening.
You're a good sport.
Yeah, so it's available exclusively at Mug Club.
You know, you've seen Logan Paul and those guys, they do those things.
The difference is actually, we've trained in combat.
You know, me with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for a long time, and him with, you know, he's done the Taibo.
It's true.
So I'm looking forward to it and I do appreciate it.
Afterwards hopefully we will shake hands and share a beer.
Next week we have some great shows for you.
We have, I believe, Rand Paul on the program.
We have Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the program.
We have a special coming up September 14th, a live stream in the evening and some super videos coming on down the pike.
But we haven't been doing as much of them because there's so much news happening right now and leading up to election.
We want to be here with you because we know, for example, right now I don't think there's another show that's going to be showing you that Instagram footage of Dion, who was shot by the police.
Not after he got scrubbed.
You're not going to find that in the social media.
So we often are going, oh, we're going to plan a super video, and then we go, we just got hit the news this morning because this is important and people are being lied to.
And you know what I think is happening actually quite a bit right now?
A big problem with You know, younger people are more likely to be depressed.
They're less likely to be resilient, for example, in this COVID pandemic.
They're more likely to often be afraid.
They're more likely to act out.
They're more likely to be hopeless.
We see how they're now interacting with police officers.
A big part of the problem that I see going on is, we always are told this, and you've even seen it, surprisingly, I know it's a news agency, but I saw someone on CNN saying that they need to follow their heart.
I don't remember who it was.
It was on Poppy Harlow Show.
CNN's Heart.
Follow your heart.
But we hear that all the time.
Follow your heart.
That is the worst advice you could possibly give anybody.
And let me tell you why.
Let me tell you what you should do with your heart.
And I don't mean, you know, when we're talking about, like, how Fish and Bill has high blood pressure.
You know, I don't mean coronary heart disease.
You've got to keep an eye on that kind of stuff.
Get in the sauna!
I'm talking about the figurative heart.
You shouldn't follow your heart.
You know what people would be better served by?
Is examining your heart.
Molding your heart.
Don't follow your heart and trust it as though it's irrefutable, because compared to your brain, your heart is usually wrong.
The exact opposite of what Disney films and the Beatles and probably Anderson Cooper and, uh, and, uh, Salt-N-Pepa.
The point is, Your heart is usually wrong.
A heart can be molded, like a lens, like ice.
Your brain is the byproduct.
You're really kneecapping.
Let me give you an example.
A heart, okay.
A heart can be molded like a lens, like ice.
Your brain is the byproduct, your ability to reason logic, the Socratic method, right?
That is a culmination of information that you've learned and hopefully critical thinking skills
that you are able to apply to it so that you have what we call discernments.
Sometimes people call it wisdom, but let's use a more technical term, discernment.
Your heart is how you feel.
Your heart is this sort of feeling that you have but you can't explain, but sometimes we feel things that are wrong.
For example, King at the Black Lives Matter, a terrorist organization, changed my mind and said, what you're talking about is logic and facts, but I gotta tell you how I feel.
Now, if we were to follow this sort of cultural, this, I guess, idiom, for lack of a better word, it would be, well, obviously, uh, put it on the scoreboard, a W for a king.
He said that's how he feels.
Let me explain to you what your heart is and why you shouldn't.
A heart is kind of like a dog, okay?
It's instinct.
All right, and Joe Louis actually isn't here right now because he's stealing some of Half-Asian Bill's donuts, and, you know, I'll use a rolled-up newspaper.
But a heart is like a dog.
A dog, initially, that isn't trained and can't be trusted.
Think of your dog, anyone who's a dog owner out there.
I don't know what you guys do with cats.
No idea how you train them.
They poop in the house.
I don't care.
You're not my folks, but good for you.
But a dog, picture a dog that you guys brought in, any dog you've had that wasn't trained.
Would you trust it?
But you can mold and shape that dog's instinct.
And I've known that because we've had several dogs, very different personalities.
You can go between Hopper, Betty, Joe Louis.
I can trust Joe Louis, my dog, off leash.
Why?
Because now, through years of training and discipline with his previous owners, and now with us, that we've stepped it up, because his feelings, his instincts, his heart have been shaped through that training, discipline, and boundaries.
And now Joe Louis is Heart, where people go, oh, he's such a friendly dog, he's so sweet, even though he looks like an absolute murderer, you would think that he should be on the Green Mile, but people are surprised the Hodge twins got over their fear of dogs because of Hopper and Joe Louis.
These are rescues, and one was from Detroit!
But now, people say, oh, they're such a sweet dog because the heart of this dog, through discipline, through boundaries, through training, seeks to please me!
Seeks to serve me.
You can see it when Joe Louis walks around the office.
You guys see it.
He's always looking at me.
Okay, what do you want?
What do you want from me?
And it makes him happy.
So his heart, which when he first came into the house was, what can I get away with?
Can I eat this?
Can I eat this trash?
Can I eat these coffee grounds?
He didn't know that it would absolutely kill him.
Can I get on the bed?
But now he looks at me and goes, Oh, you don't, you don't want me to get on his bed.
His heart has changed.
It's been molded because he's used his brain and that has been applied to what?
is right. And hopefully you line up what you feel with what is right, but you cannot do that if you
are consistently following your heart. Maybe you're following your heart when you aim that
taser at the cop's face. Maybe you're following your heart when you had sex with that woman
without consent and then returned to the address, Jacob Blake, and then fought off officers and
told them that you had a knife. That clearly wasn't something that was logical. These clearly
weren't actions that were taken by someone who was applying, again, their skills of discernment.
And here is the point. Your heart, no matter whether you are training yourself, disciplining
yourself, or you are proactive, then that just means it's by default. Your heart is always
serving somebody. This is also why sometimes when people say, I don't believe in hell,
who deserves hell? Let me ask you this question. When people say that,
okay, I get that not all of us are Jeffrey Dahmer.
But let's compare ourselves to that golden standard right God.
God who seeks and exists to serve and create us.
He didn't have to do that, right?
He's like a loving father.
When you experience anything in life, okay?
Anything.
You're the best guy in the world.
You're like Andrew Clavin, a saint.
Is your first instinct always Oh, how can I use this to help someone else?
Or is usually your instinct, oh, that's fun.
Oh, that tastes good.
Oh, that looks like something I'd like to do.
You're almost always thinking about yourself.
And you don't see the trail of damage and carnage.
That would exist if you continually, perpetually followed your heart.
Because at that point, your heart is serving who?
Yourself.
And that's not a good place to be.
We shouldn't be looking inward because we're all walking voids and your heart is often wrong.
So Joe Louis came in, guess who his heart was serving?
Himself!
Because he just thought he could get away with it.
Now, his heart is directed at serving me.
Trying to please me.
Your heart is always serving someone.
So before you even trust it, which you shouldn't do, you should always apply over that, copy-paste your discernment and your logic, maybe in tandem with your heart.
But first, before you follow in, let me ask you this, who is your heart serving?
Because it's always serving somebody.
Nine times out of ten, if you don't have the answer right away, it's you.
And that's not a good place to be, so guess what?
Don't follow your heart.
It sounds nice on a Hallmark card, but it's the reason for the culmination of problems that we face.
Stop following your heart.
Mold your heart.
Discover who your heart's master is, and actually seek wisdom.
You'll be a lot happier, and we'll be better off.
All right, we're gonna see you next week.
Big-ass shows!
Looking forward to the fight with Cuomo.
Glad he said yes.
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