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April 15, 2020 - Louder with Crowder

01:26:56

Trump Defunds the WHO! | #8 Good Morning MugClub

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Time	Text
	Oh But it's not the intro it was me
	It's kind of like a segway, really more of a technical blend.
	We have, of course, Corda Black Garrett, Audio Wade, and Gerald A. is here.
	I appreciate him being here.
	My half-nation lawyer Bill Richman is not here, so to run interference for me, which means that I have no protection, is Evan Brendan.
	How are you, sir?
	Good.
	Good morning.
	Good.
	I'm glad you... where'd you get those masks?
	I got them from Origin, Maine.
	Origin, Maine.
	Nice.
	Yeah.
	This is the guy who climbs all the trees and the poles, and he had no idea he was going to be on the show until just now.
	Oh!
	Well, welcome!
	Thanks for bringing your masks.
	Not really.
	I do want to know, though, who chose... put up... show your pajamas there, even, Brendan.
	Show your pajamas, yeah.
	Did you make the silk selections?
	There were two options, and one of them was like...
	One of them was not silk.
	When they're silk, you go silk.
	He opted to go Death Comedy Jam.
	And by the way, you and you, Audio Wade, you could both be a Home Alone color palette.
	It's all green and burgundy.
	And that burgundy is, I think, exclusive to morning robes.
	I don't like colors used for anything else other than filthy old robes.
	You're like, how long have I had this robe?
	And why is it burgundy?
	Nothing else wants to occupy that part of the color wheel.
	Everybody from Big Robe got together and said, no, burgundy.
	By the way, the color wheel is a sham.
	It's a hoax.
	Really?
	Some of them are just shades.
	So it is Mug Club Quarantine.
	That's the hashtag.
	Use the hashtag Mug Club Quarantine so we can knock out that bastard Jim Acosta.
	I think he's trending right now.
	The promo code is quarantine.
	You get $30 off.
	Which is a big deal for us, bigger deal for you.
	So use our promo code to get $3 off and go to loudmouthcutter.com.
	Schedule every night at 8pm, all of April.
	And of course, Good Morning Monk Club, Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
	We will be talking about Donald Trump wanting to defund the World Health Organization.
	Chris Cuomo.
	Yeah.
	Right up.
	Which is kind of tough because what do you do when I do what a POS segment with Chris Cuomo.
	It's almost like I've explored all the nooks and crannies.
	You really have.
	Like at this point I had to do underwater spelunking.
	There are new nooks.
	New crannies.
	There are no new nooks.
	There's a lot of... No, Chris Cuomo, Chris Cuomo, he's positively convex.
	There's nothing to unpeel.
	There isn't even a breakfast nook.
	None at all.
	And what else are we going to be talking about?
	We'll also be talking about, oh, just showing some of the video from the best Trump presser of this week.
	Let me know if you would like, I've thought about us just running the Trump press briefings, just because I want to do the job that the media won't when CNN cuts out from it.
	So I know it's not what we do, obviously it's an entertainment comedy channel, but maybe here or at Crowder Bits where you can subscribe, we might just run a feed from one of the public networks.
	Yeah.
	be defunded so let me know what you think well what do you mean monetize
	sorry do you work here look the shake who do you think is signing the fronts
	of your checks bin Solomon's that Google speaking of which that's our first story
	I think Stevie son can bring it up that Donald Trump is putting his name on the
	Yeah, which people are really upset about.
	The Treasury said that it won't create a delay, but honestly, who knows?
	I think it's petty and stupid, and Donald Trump shouldn't care, but neither should you.
	You're getting a check!
	That's that you did nothing for other than stay at home.
	Yeah.
	You're getting a snow day check.
	Can we call them Trump checks?
	Can we call them Trump checks?
	Please?
	Yeah.
	Pence is like, I'd like to put my name on one of those.
	No, no, no, no, no one.
	No one would buy it.
	I believe you all got your Trump checks.
	You don't even have sideburns.
	Really quickly, let's tune into, oh there we go, let's see what CNN has going on.
	Sanjay Gupta is there, as well as a canary.
	A canary?
	Weird Al.
	I was going to say, Weird Al.
	And or Slash.
	Yeah, didn't recognize him without the top hat.
	Not 100% sure about that.
	Okay, so we'll get to Donald Trump defunding, and also we'll be playing hipster or hobo
	You can play along with us.
	Send in your chats at The Blaze.
	I know the chat kind of sucks in that it doesn't give you a username, but just type in your name in your chat.
	But first, I always want to thank our sponsors.
	Today's show is sponsored, brought to you by BED.
	Zuh.
	People ask... Beds.
	I wrote this very poorly.
	But we do appreciate the support.
	Beds.
	People ask how we prepare for this show, by the way.
	And really, I don't know how we would do it here for Good Morning Montgomery without beds.
	Right.
	And you use this product pretty often, right?
	Almost every day.
	Wow.
	I use a bed almost every day.
	That is very useful.
	And for many hours.
	Hours a day.
	So to check out this product, go to your favorite search engine and type in BEDS.
	Use the promo code ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Brennan, do you use a bed?
	I imagine you sleep upside down.
	I got out of my bed 30 minutes ago.
	Really?
	That's a great thing to tell your employer.
	Yeah, we thought you prepped.
	I put in zero effort.
	Unfortunately for me, you're a genius, so I can't fire you, but don't use it as leverage.
	I don't know that that's true.
	Oh, by the way, this is something that my friend Johnny Boy and I have been doing.
	I realize we talked about it off air.
	We haven't talked about it on air.
	You're such a narc, Gerald.
	If you tell on me on this, I swear to you.
	Why am I the narcissist?
	Because you've always said that you would tell on me, even if I committed a righteous crime.
	So I have not harmed anybody.
	You said, if you murdered somebody, I would put you in.
	Pedophiles.
	I knew that would shut you up.
	Pedophiles.
	Registered sex offenders.
	One of my good friends, and I swear, Audio Wade, if you sell me out, I know you won't.
	I know you won't, because snitches get stitches.
	Which is a horrible message for a community, by the way.
	But you gotta go with it.
	Johnny Boy and I have found pedophiles.
	And we don't commit any crimes other than disturbing the peace.
	Okay, that's good.
	We drive out in front of their houses at night and honk.
	Incessantly.
	Until we see the lights turn on.
	But I know you're thinking, what about the other people in the neighborhood?
	We find corner lot pedophiles.
	Are you serious?
	I swear to God.
	We have found multiple corner lot pedophiles.
	They do really well for themselves in the real estate market.
	I would love for there to be some kind of a study, a meta-analysis of pedophiles on corner lots.
	Tweet using the hashtag AnnoyThePedophiles.
	I want everyone to do this.
	Find the pedophiles in your neighborhood.
	And I don't mean someone who peed in a public park.
	I don't mean someone who's like a 19-year-old who had a girlfriend who was 17.
	No, no, no.
	You can read up there.
	We're talking about actual pedophiles who are a harm to others, which is why, like, I'm Charles Bronson in Death Wish.
	In a Nissan.
	And the kid's probably in there, you know, like, I don't know, watching Dora the Explorer.
	He's like, what the hell?
	And I feel good because I know I made his life more unpleasant.
	What time do you guys typically do this?
	As late as we can, which for me means about 10.30.
	Because after that, I'm not going to be any good to anyone.
	I wouldn't be any good to you, and I wouldn't be serving the community in accosting pedophiles properly if I tried to go any later.
	I wonder how this little bit would have gone if Bill had been here, your lawyer.
	I already told him.
	He said it was a good idea.
	He said it was good?
	He's going to join us.
	What do you think about it, pedophiles honking?
	I don't know.
	I don't really feel like that's a good deterrent.
	You don't think?
	What do you mean?
	I don't know.
	I don't think of things.
	Oh, geez.
	What did you think was going to happen?
	He's like, I don't think it's not a good deterrent.
	All right.
	So let's get to the first story.
	President Trump wants to defund the World Health Organization.
	I don't want to say that this show influences heads of state, but we were kind of early on the China thing and World Health Organization, and then you see it kind of It was sort of parroted on Fox News from people who were not talking about that even beforehand.
	And then Donald Trump's like, you know what?
	I think we should look into the who's.
	No more Dahu During for those sons of bitches.
	I'm not even going to leave a crumb that's too small for a mouse.
	That's a Grinch reference.
	So let's watch.
	Let's go to the clip for people who missed it that he is going to defund the World Health Organization.
	I love it.
	Today I'm instructing my administration to halt Funding of the World Health Organization while a review is conducted to assess the world.
	Health organization.
	The world?
	A review of the world.
	Covering up the spread of the coronavirus.
	Everybody knows what's going on there.
	Everybody knows what's going on there.
	China.
	They told me not to say Chinese virus.
	Oh my.
	I didn't say it.
	It must have slipped.
	Whoa.
	Whoa.
	I'm so slippery.
	We were half a second away from that happening, I swear.
	We're going to review the world.
	We're going to review the galaxy, but the Milky Way wouldn't take part in the census.
	So a couple of things.
	Something that I love about this.
	We absolutely should, by the way.
	And let me be really clear as to why, before I get into some of the fallout, which is just delightful.
	It really is.
	I don't want to say... the press is not the enemy of the American people.
	That's what Stalin said.
	People try to attribute this quote to Donald Trump.
	The press... I think he said that now, since I defended him, which kind of, you know, hung me out to dry.
	But!
	Shouldn't have said it, if he said it.
	Communists are the enemy of the American people.
	Does that sound like McCarthyism?
	I'm fine with it.
	By the way, he was right about a lot of stuff.
	He wasn't totally wrong, okay?
	Communism is the enemy of the American people.
	And communist sympathizers are the enemy of the American people.
	That means the World Health Organization.
	And that means the media who carries their water.
	If you are a member of the media, and you are excoriating our president at this point for simply saying that we should defund the World Health Organization, you're a communist sympathizer.
	There is Team America, and there is Team Communists who don't even acknowledge that Taiwan exists.
	So, when given the option of funding communist propaganda or not, usually I choose to, well, to not.
	Yes.
	Well, you should.
	And forgive us for looking at history and saying, well, look, this is a failed ideology that leads to millions of its citizens being killed and oppressed and typically ends very poorly in World War.
	So, we'll not go down that road.
	If you guys can just, like, report the news, that'd be great.
	It just happened a couple of times.
	Just a couple of times.
	And in the realm of American history... Every single time it happens.
	I mean, it happened like, you know, what, 30 years ago?
	World War II?
	It's not like, give or take, another 40, rounding.
	But in the realm of history, we look back at like, oh, you look back at the Romans and the Ottomans, you're talking about a very large gap compared to how long it's been since our last world war.
	Not that long.
	Do you know when World War II was there, Brennan?
	The 40s.
	Hey, there you go.
	You got it about right.
	Pretty close.
	So, of course you have the leftist politicians.
	They've been completely outraged and going to bat for the World Health Organization.
	None other than Jim Acosta.
	Love it.
	You can always count on him.
	He took it so far to say that Donald Trump unfairly blamed the World Health Organization in China.
	Now, the operative word there is unfairly.
	Because it would be unfair if President Trump blamed the World Health Organization in China and they had nothing to do with it.
	If they were completely innocent, that would be unfair.
	If it were the Italian flu.
	If it were the Luxembourg sniffles.
	That's a valid point.
	But it did come from China.
	China lied about it.
	And the World Health Organization said, don't worry, we'll help.
	We like you.
	Thank you very much, and we'll help carry your water.
	Yeah, kind of like me with this morning show here.
	Is he alive?
	Is he still alive?
	I don't know if he can breathe through that mask, actually.
	Can you breathe?
	Do you need to pull it down?
	Do you need to pull down the mask?
	It's loose.
	Hey, don't touch the mask!
	Oh, you just ruined it!
	You're trying to take down the mask, and he hits the microphone like a Jerry Lewis spit.
	Oh, the mask!
	Hey, ladies!
	Somebody give this guy a phone.
	And here's something, we've talked about this quite a bit.
	If it existed in a vacuum, the World Health Organization, right?
	If it just existed as though, oh, they kind of suck, they said some crappy things.
	Right.
	No, it doesn't.
	Context matters.
	Taiwan warned the World Health Organization of the dangers of human-to-human transmission in December.
	In December!
	And they ignored.
	Seems like that information would have been helpful.
	It seems like it would have been helpful.
	Seems like.
	I could be wrong.
	And then they denied the claim.
	They denied the claim saying that, they said that Taiwan never did that.
	And then Taiwan said, Oh!
	Goofy, I have receipts!
	They brought this up, they released the emails.
	So I think we have that as an over...
	They released the emails, this has nothing to do with...
	That's that, yeah.
	This is my live read for beds.
	Promo code, glad you wrote that down.
	Geez.
	Now is that a transgender on CNN right now?
	That's the problem with the whole LGBTQAIP movement.
	I never give them the benefit of the doubt.
	Wait, wait for the voice.
	Wait for the voice.
	If there's an above average amount of makeup, I assume it's a guy.
	Yeah.
	Love you myself, but I am a guy.
	So conventional wisdom.
	No, with a little bit of mic feedback, which could be confused as Adam's apple reverberation.
	Do you like surprises?
	No, not in my morning news.
	Yeah, go ahead.
	One of the things about this is that Donald Trump, we can say what we want to say.
	He didn't just defund the WHO.
	He basically said, we're going to stop all funding to do a review.
	Right.
	Which he could still end up going back and saying, all right, we'll fund them.
	I doubt that'll happen.
	This is the first step towards defunding them.
	But that's a reasonable thing to do, to say, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	There's all this evidence that these guys were bad actors in this, and they should have done their job better.
	We're not going to fund them until we figure that out.
	Why is that controversial?
	And it's entirely accurate, because the Chinese can't act.
	They're very bad actors, like I said.
	Jackie Chan was their best one.
	He was their best one.
	And he's not even that good.
	That's their MVP.
	Yeah.
	Now, I know you're gonna say, that's racist.
	Sure.
	So, I don't, yeah, like, it is amazing that Asians are really bad actors.
	I think when you saw Kim Jong-il die, that entire nation deserved a Razzie.
	Yeah, and that's certainly not what I meant.
	It wasn't like, oh, he shed a tear, you know, like the Native American because a little bit of trash by the roadside, you know, like, hi!
	Oh, yeah, that's tough to find that job hard to fill yeah I don't know how much of it is they were indoctrinated how
	much of them like they bought the propaganda sure But it's so tough to know because it was so bad at the art
	of acting they'll be killed Yeah, that's the whole thing. Can you think of any good
	Asian actors Brendan?
	Jet Li's and what yeah bendable. Yeah, he did some great.
	He did some great work with DM and or X. Yes Yeah
	me. It was an experiment.
	And here's a good thing, there's a new poll out too, because the media's just been torching
	obviously any of their credibility.
	And that's important to note.
	Remember right now, because I guarantee you four, five, six months from now, stories are
	going to come out about the World Health Organization corruption, where everyone else is going to
	acknowledge it.
	Just like after the story, Donald Trump didn't want to send ventilators.
	They didn't need 40,000 ventilators.
	No place on earth at this point, well I don't know about other countries, no place in the United States, I should say, needed 40,000 ventilators.
	New York City topped out at 4,000.
	So they covered it saying, Donald Trump doesn't care about states, doesn't care about people dying, he's not sending out ventilators.
	And now what do they do?
	They just move on when it turns out they don't need the ventilators.
	This is what they'll do.
	Right now they defend the World Health Organization.
	Why?
	Because they hate Donald Trump, that they can't help themselves.
	Wait a second, you do know that the World Health Organization, like they're parroting communist propaganda points and they you know they refuse
	to acknowledge Taiwan it's like no I I know I side with them because you don't
	Donald Trump I can't help it there's nothing there's nothing I could do he said
	they don't he said he didn't like them I have to defend them which Donald Trump
	has gotten say I don't like Hitler and just watch them tear themselves apart
	limb from limb so there's a new
	Just so you know, it's not just us.
	Let's tune into CNN right now.
	Do they have moms?
	They can learn.
	Oh, that's right.
	I wanted to make sure, you never know.
	Millions of children, your children, our children, out of school because of this pandemic.
	Many still don't have what they need, don't have Wi-Fi, don't have computers.
	Do they have moms? They can learn.
	So, oh that's right, you hate that. You're not on board with the mom.
	How did we learn before Wi-Fi?
	How did we learn?
	Can anyone get me a book report on how fire was started?
	A what report?
	How did they do it without charter schools?
	I know this is wrong, but what do we do during the summertime when the same exact number of kids are out of school?
	Oh, oh no.
	I don't know.
	I know that there's no daycare and stuff, so that's the caveat, but I mean, come on.
	What was that wrong?
	Do you need a zip fizz to clean up your brain here?
	You're like, I know it's wrong, but summer vacation.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm trying to compute what could possibly have been offensive there.
	The caveat was that there is no daycare for people who are going to work that used it during the summer.
	So daycare's done.
	Yeah, but daycare isn't required when you're home all day and you can care.
	Right, yeah.
	I get that, yeah.
	But moms and dads still work from home sometimes, so I'm saying there's caveats.
	Even, Brendan, I'm hoping this might be one of those things where you catch something we miss because we, you know... Do you know what he thought was offensive in that statement?
	No, but I guess I don't see his point, though, because like...
	Summer is supposed to be only three months, not like the whole year?
	Yeah!
	No, my whole point was that in summer, the exact same number of kids are out and we deal with it for three months and it's not that big of a deal.
	Oh, okay, so I see.
	You were talking about an entirely unrelated point.
	I was playing 4D chess and you guys were still like 2D.
	No, no, no, you were playing chess in a pool.
	It's still 4D, Steven.
	You could be on a floaty and play chess.
	No, we were talking about how will they learn.
	They can learn.
	I had a teacher one time who got mad at me in the third grade for missing class because we were going on a family trip.
	My parents were like, do you really think that he's not going to learn more traveling across North America than sitting in a class?
	He'll find out what happened to the big red dog.
	We can tell him.
	Spoiler alert.
	We can tell them once we pass Toronto, okay?
	It's not that big of a deal.
	And again, all of this is designed when you look... Ah, it's a Sarah McLachlan thing.
	I can't even look.
	Why do they do this?
	Why do they do this?
	We get it.
	Rescue a dog and buy gold and bed sheets, CNN.
	We understand your target market.
	Oh boy.
	It is just so userous.
	I can't look at it right now.
	90% of Republicans, 60% of Democrats, and 70% of Independents believe that China is responsible for the spread of the virus, according to the most recent Harris poll.
	Yeah, so that's 70%.
	Look at this, 90% of Republicans, 60% of Democrats, and 70% of Independents believe that China
	is responsible for the spread of the virus according to the most recent Harris poll.
	Racist.
	Yeah, so that's 70%.
	Yeah, actually it's 75% of Independents.
	Oh, okay, sorry, I got that wrong.
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's not me!
	It's an overlay!
	It's not me!
	It's not me I don't like it.
	It sucks.
	It's making me look bad.
	So I guess, yeah, I said 75.
	I said 70.
	You know what?
	I undershot it.
	Yeah, it's 75% of independence.
	You know, I actually had this happen a long time ago when I talked about the Detroit unemployment rate being 27.8%.
	Oh.
	And I don't know if it was Washington Post who fact-checked me, like, no, it's actually 28.2.
	Oh.
	I stand corrected.
	Thank you for making my point.
	And the funny thing is that they corrected me.
	The next day it went to 50%.
	Wow.
	In Detroit.
	Well, well, well.
	Let's not concern ourselves with minor details.
	And the article was probably like, Steven Crowder gets it wrong again.
	I get it wrong very often, I'm not going to lie.
	This is very common.
	Totally missing your whole point.
	As wrong in my selection this morning.
	That's true.
	That's true.
	It goes way back, actually.
	This is remarkable to me that the media has no understanding that the American public don't trust them and don't trust the World Health Organization.
	Yeah, and they feel like they're the ones that are the arbiters of truth.
	They're out there just like putting it out there like, oh yeah, of course, everybody trusts us.
	We're out here doing our job and standing up against the lies of this media.
	No, I don't think they believe that.
	This administration.
	You don't think that?
	No, I don't think they believe that.
	I think at this point they're going, oh, people don't trust us.
	We're circling the drain.
	And so let's just go full tilt leftist and then ask for a bailout.
	I mean, that's possible.
	No, it's what they've said.
	No, I know they want to be bailed out.
	So next story is, are you ready for this, Brendan?
	He doesn't even have any water.
	Do you want some milk?
	I would love some milk.
	Let's get Brandon a mug full of milk.
	That'll help him be the Brandon I took care of for a week and a half at my house after he blew out his knee.
	Remember when you thought you had to amputate your leg?
	He was like, it doesn't work anymore.
	It just turned out that he had tied the knee brace way too tight.
	It was way more purple than what you have going on right now.
	Yeah, but I don't have anything going on with my knee right now.
	So you mean it's more purple than standard skin color?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Oh, yeah, my foot when it was in the ice bath.
	It was.
	But the thing is, we were trying to solve this problem with Brendan.
	He had knee surgery from standing.
	And he was over at my house because I was like, well, you can't just live.
	And I appreciate it.
	He wanted to come into work that day.
	I was like, I haven't had knee surgery.
	That's not going to happen.
	No.
	So he came to our house, and he had to sit there, and we took care of him for about a week, and he was going, my knee, my leg really hurts, and we're trying to figure out what's wrong with it, if we have to call the hospital, what we need to do, elevate his leg, and he didn't tell us that he had ratcheted it down like a camper van.
	Why would you put on a hitch and I then finally I lift up his pant legs and it looks like like like I
	would imagine like Kathy Bates varicose veins you know in the bottom of her like is it varicose veins
	or is it spider veins it's the same I'm not necessarily but you know the veins of fat people
	yes particularly old fat women my aunt had that that's what your leg looked like yeah and he just
	didn't think to let us know like oh wait maybe you should know that I tied it down with a rope
	and then used a hockey skate ratcheting tool.
	I thought putting a tourniquet on my leg would actually help it.
	Yeah, exactly.
	I thought the best thing was to entirely stop blood flow to the area to ensure healing.
	I read a medical book from the 1800s and they said if I just bleed myself, I'll get better.
	He doesn't have an understanding of human growth factors at all.
	Silly Brendan, but I'm glad you're with us.
	Okay, so this is something I wanted to talk about, because I realize that everyone else got this wrong, okay?
	Everyone else, including everyone here, are saying, did you see how funny the presser was on, was it Tuesday?
	No, it was Monday.
	Monday night.
	So this is when Donald Trump presented the video to the media of what a crappy job they've been doing.
	It was his gift to them.
	It was his gift to us, really.
	Yeah, it really was.
	And it was remarkable, but most people saw, if you were watching a main feed, first off, if you were watching CNN, they cut the feed.
	Yeah.
	Of course they do.
	Who here has been watching the briefings at night?
	I've watched about half.
	I just saw the video later online.
	Have you been watching them at all?
	Can you imagine being in the CNN booth?
	Cut it!
	This is wonderful.
	Knowing that in case I get something wrong that one of you can correct me.
	You're using the clips that I've disseminated.
	They could be incorrect!
	We're trusting.
	So the funny thing is with this presser that Donald Trump gave, people saw the video.
	So you saw the feed of the video.
	But what you didn't see, unless you watched a cheap sort of local Fox affiliate stream, which is what I usually do, local Fox, local CBS, you know, media that shouldn't exist anymore.
	I just want to enjoy the last few.
	The death throes of Fox 5 Tempe, Arizona.
	Or it could be a CBS 6 Flagstaff.
	They have a wonderful beat reporter whose name escapes me.
	Um, so if you watch one of these local affiliates, they don't have the budget for, you know, the Michael Bay camera swoops.
	And so all they have is one shot that just does this.
	And so they didn't show the feed of the video, they showed the actual whole room with Donald Trump presenting this video.
	with a timeline presenting it to the media.
	And here's what's so amazing about this.
	And we'll just we'll play this and I want everyone if you haven't seen it, what's amazing is that he is doing this with the people who are being highlighted in that video as morons in the room.
	And then a couple times he looks at them and points at them.
	So this is, again, you need to, this is the kind of thing that everyone needs to be seeing.
	You don't just want to see the Windows Movie Maker crappy video made by a White House intern.
	The entertainment factor here is watching Trump present.
	It's like the inception of petty assholery.
	But it's wonderful.
	So let's play this clip from The Oppressor on Monday.
	Now with that, I have a couple of interesting... We have a few clips that we're just going to put up.
	We could turn the lights a little bit lower.
	I think you'll find it interesting.
	I really want to see.
	Let's get some nice ambiance.
	I'll ask you some questions.
	He's easing them in.
	Because you're so guilty, but...
	Most importantly, we're going to get back onto the reason we're here, which is the success we're having, okay?
	Please, you can put it on.
	He looms over.
	People should be more concerned right now with the flu in this country.
	A lot of people are concerned about the coronavirus because they're hearing a lot of news about it right now.
	But the reality is, comparing it to the flu, for example, it's not even close to being at that stage.
	What if it is worse?
	Is this a moment where maybe country politics aside, a little bit of pride aside, do we have U.S.
	officials, should U.S.
	professionals such as yourself get involved?
	How worried should Americans be about coronavirus?
	Coronavirus is not going to cause a major issue in the United States.
	And now, I don't know who did the editing, but someone's like, we don't need transitions!
	Now look at this, watch, watch!
	That's a moving timeline!
	It's a scroll!
	Oh, we're tired on that.
	We will be suspending all travel from Europe to the United States for the next 30 days.
	To unleash the full power of the Trump administration, I wish I loved anything as much as Donald Trump loves
	watching himself.
	There's an emergency.
	I am great.
	Wait, watch it.
	I am great.
	Wait, watch it. At one point he looks someone in the eye.
	Yeah, now with these weird transitions.
	Yeah, I was talking like...
	It's amazing that this was actually... You'd think he could hire, you know, the guy who's Peter Berg.
	Look at that.
	Look.
	Look at that.
	Now look!
	He looks directly in someone's face!
	Look at that right there!
	He points up like, Remember that quote?
	Remember that quote, you little pishat?
	There's nowhere to hide!
	The idea was to halt the spread of the disease, keep transmissions to a minimum.
	Sounds reasonable.
	So uncomfortable!
	And Pence is just looking forward like he's at salute.
	Like someone's about to fold up the flag and put it on a casket.
	He's got that Adam and Eve pose.
	It did actually take a pretty aggressive measure against the spread of the virus.
	No, look, look, he's looking directly.
	See, he points to someone.
	See that?
	Remember that?
	Remember that?
	That was you.
	That was you.
	I think the all caps was Trump's call.
	How about this?
	No!
	He's probably looking at someone who works for Cuomo right now.
	He returns calls.
	He reaches out.
	He's been proactive.
	He tilts his head like, that's nice.
	My voicemail is totally on.
	Are you hearing this?
	Is everyone hearing this?
	Get enough volume?
	Are you hearing this? Is everyone hearing this?
	Medical stations.
	And that's been very, very helpful.
	The president has been outstanding through all this.
	The vice president's been outstanding.
	Members of the Cronin- Look at this guy.
	He gives an eyebrow.
	He does a Macaulay Culkin like, the eye.
	My parents are in Florida and I'm in New York.
	Wow, that's amazing the president said that.
	I'm so glad he said it.
	Aren't you, media?
	Aren't you?
	few minutes before I walked in here to say indeed they would grant that to New
	Jersey so that's a big step for us. Well it's amazing the president said that.
	I'm so glad he said it. Aren't you media? Aren't you? No that's right you're the one
	who said that previous thing I pointed at you to call you out for. Arizona's request for a
	presidential major disaster declaration. I want to thank the president. The lady behind him is
	is Italian.
	She talks with her hands, folks.
	She just had a spicy meatball.
	We make the best meatballs.
	Look, he keeps looking someone in the eye at about his 5 o'clock.
	uh... five o'clock the the the president the vice president for doing a really
	good job of the issue it's a good uh...
	and now he's definitely walks back slowly Look.
	So we could give you hundreds of clips like that from governors, including Democratic or Democrat as I call them governors, which is actually the correct term.
	I know someone had a talk with him.
	They did.
	So I was like, you know, you say Democrat, but depending on the context, people would say Democratic.
	No.
	No.
	I know terms.
	I don't know terms.
	I make terms.
	I'm writing a new book.
	Do you know what it's called?
	The Art of the Terms.
	So many terms.
	To me, it is petty and childish and exactly the punishment that this media deserves for their misdeeds.
	They're petty and childish too.
	Absolutely.
	It is like you having your nose rubbed in the carpet where you peed.
	And so many people were like, I can't believe that he would do something like that in the midst of this crisis, that he would go out there and start off a press briefing like, have you watched what you've said about this president?
	What is he supposed to do?
	This is an honest question.
	What is the president supposed to do when the media constantly lies and mischaracterizes what he says and does?
	Is he supposed to just say, well, maybe you're right.
	Maybe I am a bad guy, right?
	When he's not wrong.
	No, he can say, look, you guys said what you said you didn't say.
	Hold that thought because I think Brendan's buzzing in.
	What do you think, Brendan?
	I really wasn't buzzing.
	It was a malfunctioning buzzer.
	Thanks, Brendan.
	This is not a drill.
	I get that it's petty and it's childish in the way that he did it, but it was absolutely what he said.
	I mean it in the most wonderful of ways.
	That's exactly what they deserve.
	They need someone who just simply is simplistic.
	Here's the thing, Donald Trump is not a dumb guy.
	No.
	People can say he's bombastic, but Donald Trump hasn't aged since he's become president.
	Even if you compare him to Barack Obama or George W. Bush, he came in as bombastic, as not super articulate, but he is surprisingly quick on his feet sometimes.
	He absolutely is.
	But it's not gone away.
	Think about Biden.
	Someone was saying Biden could be president for eight years.
	What?
	Just in the last two years.
	No, he doesn't make it through anything.
	But look, he's mean for playing for them what they said.
	Yeah.
	At the end of the day, that's what we're saying, is that the president, how dare he play them what they said to them?
	They either have to show their own words on their networks, or cut it and look like idiots.
	Wait, hold on one second.
	Speaking of idiots, CNN right now, their chyron says, union pushes to designate grocery workers as first responders.
	And it looks like it is the MyPillowGuy's Ghost of Christmas Future.
	Was he in the freezer too long?
	Was that what your knee looked like?
	It's like a used vacuum bag.
	They pulled up, they dragged him out next to Walt Disney's corpse.
	It looks like he's green-screened onto his own real background.
	Hey, hey, hey, Walt!
	We're gonna put- Walt!
	Hey, Walt!
	Shh!
	Walt!
	Wake up.
	We need to put you next to Sanjay Gupta because his makeup artist is on furlough.
	We need to make him look better by comparison.
	Union pushes to designate grocery workers as first responders.
	As unions would.
	Well, good.
	Yeah, because when I think first responders, step aside 9-11 firefighters who are running directly into the rubble.
	There's someone at the Piggly Wiggly who has to check out my dentine ice.
	I gotta restock the pickle aisle.
	Oh my god.
	I need time and a half.
	What stupid things are they saying?
	Protection equipment becomes available Think about this for a second.
	This should be the main story right now.
	It really is like a used vacuum bag.
	Did he just say something about hating Jews?
	I like that again, Wade.
	That's still good.
	That's even good the second time.
	I appreciate it.
	I'm gonna ask you this, because it gets better with age.
	Oh my gosh, think about this for a second.
	This should be the main story right now.
	Not only that we are potentially not funding the World Health Organization, but hey, here's
	The World Health Organization is basically an arm of the Chinese propaganda, Communist Party.
	And instead, they're having a guy to talk about grocery stores.
	Here's the thing.
	I think that grocery store clerks, great, we should give them masks.
	No problem with it.
	But it's amazing to me that this is the coverage right now.
	I understand that you don't want to cover the fact that you were bent over and effectively pretty sexually accosted like Joe Biden circa 93.
	We're in 2019, what are you talking about?
	Think about how uncomfortable that would be to be a member of the press and have the president show your misdeeds, show your quote saying, this is not as bad as the flu, and then look you in the eye like, remember it!
	I remember!
	He's like pointing with a little pointer.
	Jim, is this you?
	Am I mistaken?
	But is that you, Jim?
	All I'm doing is playing what you said.
	Jim, is that you?
	Oh, I see what you did.
	You played a clip of me yesterday out of context.
	Well, guess what?
	Two can play at that game.
	Only I'll include all the context.
	Because context is what makes you assholes.
	He's so diabolical for doing this.
	He's like a super villain.
	Show me on this doll where you screwed yourself.
	So good.
	I love it.
	I love that this is his mentality, like that he's going to call them out every single time.
	It's hilarious.
	Show me on this doll where you screwed yourself.
	I feel like you would just put it in a weird place.
	Oh, that's weird.
	You must be doing yoga.
	So determined to screw yourself.
	I appreciate your commitment, Jim.
	Know what, when it comes to screwing themselves, you're tops.
	By the way, do we have a Mug Club chat that we want to do?
	Yeah, we do.
	Okay, a couple of chats.
	Let's take that before we go to a traffic update.
	Yeah, we've got, good morning, guys.
	Let's see, what face is the name, I guess?
	Oh, that's not a real name.
	Good morning, guys.
	As you are a coffee guru, Steven, and because of anxiety and caffeine sensitivity, do you know of any decaf coffees that don't remind me of Wade's carried obsession?
	Don't finish that.
	He's not obsessed with them.
	He's obsessed with joking about them, you know, so he can put some distance between himself and his secret thoughts.
	I should have read this before I read it.
	I should have double checked.
	Gibbon is feeding me these.
	Thanks Gibbon.
	I don't know a whole lot about decaf because I'm a man.
	They have a sensitivity!
	I know they have decaf at Black Rife.
	I don't drink decaf and I assume if their decaf is as good as their other blends then it's probably plenty good.
	Decaf you tend to lose something because of the process.
	I don't know.
	I'm just not a big fan.
	So I have anxiety and I just drink through it.
	I drink through it, I power through it with more caffeine.
	It's like an alcoholic being like, I'm an alcoholic, but I drink through it!
	I drink coffee through the other side.
	Um, yeah.
	Another chat, is that what you were about to say there, Adioi?
	Yeah, uh, let's see.
	Uh, good morning.
	If you could roast any president, who would you choose?
	Thanks for the morning show, guys.
	What says roast any president?
	Roast, excuse me.
	So I don't know if that means put them on my roster.
	Huh.
	I was assuming.
	Is that short for something?
	You were too busy scanning two lines ahead to make sure they don't reference your obsession with hot, hairy things.
	If I could roast any president?
	I don't know.
	I honestly don't.
	I've thought about this because they asked me to write at one point, I don't know who it was, to write for the Gridiron dinner.
	Sure.
	Not the correspondent, they asked me, and I said, well, no, I'm not going to write for someone else.
	I mean, I'll show up and do it.
	And instead, I think they had, like, Rich Little or something, you know?
	I was like, oh, wait, what does Reagan sound like?
	Tell me, Frank Travolino!
	I don't know if Donald Trump has a thick enough skin to laugh at himself.
	That's probably true.
	Is it better that you like somebody that you're roasting or that you dislike?
	Which way makes it easier?
	Probably the best would be Ronald Reagan.
	He seemed to have the best sense of humor about himself.
	Who would I like to roast the most?
	Jimmy Carter.
	There's kind of a rule in comedy that nothing is off-limits.
	Why did you just say really?
	Because he's a Georgia peanut farmer?
	Why would you assume that?
	Why are you attributing motive?
	There's no chess.
	And he's not even playing checkers.
	He's playing backgammon on a checkers board, but he's wildly entertaining himself.
	He thinks that he knows what the chess is.
	That's a backgammon board.
	Just say it, and that's like the commercial.
	Just say, he just thinks the commercial is just, I win!
	He thinks that's the rule to the game.
	No, I said I win!
	But you woke daddy, he clearly, but I said I win!
	So, Jimmy Carter, and the reason why is in comedy there's a rule that nothing is off limits except the helpless.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So, that means typically, like, you know, people who have, um, obviously, like, disease, like, terminal illnesses, or people who are, you know, mentally retarded.
	Like the Kim Peel thing.
	Mentally retarded people.
	But all of that goes out the window because Jimmy Carter was president.
	So, it would be the one time where I could, not that I have a dream of laying into mentally retarded people, but I would be able to see what works when making fun of a mentally retarded person to the mentally retarded face.
	of Jimmy Carter.
	A few months back there was a time when Jimmy Carter was in the hospital because he had a bunch of pressure on his brain, and I think we did a joke on the show.
	I think we did.
	I think we cut it, right?
	Because it was too mean?
	It made it.
	Oh, wow!
	It was on the air.
	Well, I'm just a horrible human being.
	It's out there.
	Go find it.
	There goes the sponsorship from beds.
	Aw, man.
	They're very sensitive.
	They won't touch us with a more than 10-foot bed post.
	I love how relaxed Brendan is right now.
	He's just chilling over there, right?
	Are you alright there, Brendan?
	Did another one perk you up?
	You don't drink caffeine, do you?
	No, the coffee machine's too complicated, so I don't want to touch it.
	Yeah, it's a button.
	You quite literally hit a button.
	Right, but to clean it is... You don't have to.
	You hit a button.
	If I don't drink from it, then I won't be expected to clean it.
	What are you talking about?
	No one expects you to clean anything if only because we don't trust you.
	We don't want salmonella!
	This guy's brilliant.
	We do have a question that includes something about coffee.
	So, Paige says, if President Trump reopens the economy too soon, do you think it could potentially cost him votes in November?
	Also, what coffee brewing method do you use in the studio?
	Keep up the great work, guys.
	I don't think that he can reopen the economy.
	Parts of the economy too soon, at this point.
	I think at this point, many parts of the economy.
	I think at this point we need to determine what is non-essential.
	What is essential, actually, on the opposite.
	We need to determine what is, sorry, no wait, what is non-essential.
	Wait, what am I saying?
	I got topsy-turvy because I was watching that timeline.
	Remember when you... Donald Trump could do this.
	Remember when you said essential but you meant non-essential?
	Are you sure you want to roast me?
	I can show many clips of this, of your word whiskers.
	You do an hour every day, two hours in April, which the quality took a nosedive.
	Frankly, I was surprised you did that.
	We were all surprised.
	He even put Brendan on the show after he was still on painkillers.
	What was the question?
	About him losing votes.
	No, I didn't mean to figure out what is non-essential.
	In other words, the only industries that should be shut down and we should only be quarantining people who are vulnerable, old people.
	I've been saying this all along.
	Old people, people who are already sick, people with diabetes, quarantine them because that'll also benefit them long term if we develop some kind of a herd immunity.
	I'm going to say herd mentality.
	That's not a good thing.
	No, no, no.
	A herd immunity, but that can only happen if this runs its course.
	It is going to run its course no matter what.
	One way or the other, right.
	The only thing that we're doing right now is slowing down, maybe overrunning the hospitals, which really isn't happening right now, and maybe that's because of the efforts.
	But I don't think he can lose votes, but I think that the media will look for every single possible opportunity.
	Wait, hold on a second, hold on a second.
	the economy up. And I know we say that, he can't technically do all of that. It's really going to
	go down to the states where it should be to say, hey, this is what we're going to do. I'm fine if
	New York and California stay closed a little longer. They have more cases than anybody else.
	Yeah.
	So that's totally fine. But I think what they'll do is they'll look for the one.
	I just want to make sure that you're done your research.
	I'm 99% sure that I know New York has, they have two, they have one third of all cases in the
	United States.
	Wait, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Experts warn 400,000 could die in Japan if virus isn't
	contained. You want to.
	Really, guys?
	You want to just watch that number go down like Ferris Bueller hacking into Ed Rooney's computer?
	Yeah.
	400,000.
	Beep!
	Great!
	Great!
	It's unbelievable.
	I guarantee you it will not be 400,000.
	I love that movie.
	I guarantee you.
	And I don't even know.
	I don't have the numbers in front of me.
	I'm just willing to stake my reputation on it.
	Roll the dice there.
	I will roll the dice.
	400,000 in Japan.
	Okay, I don't guarantee you, but I'm pretty sure.
	I'm relatively sure.
	As far as coffee, you know, we have an automatic, we have a Jura espresso machine here.
	It's the most expensive non-camera equipment that we have, because Black Rifle is a sponsor.
	So that's what we use in the studio.
	And then at home, I usually use a Chemex, or I just do a quick pour-over thing.
	Keep it pretty simple.
	Or sometimes I use the individual pour-over.
	So that is the best way, if you want good coffee, to just do a pour-over if you can.
	Have an electric kettle, you control the temperature, it's pretty easy.
	Otherwise, you have to get a really expensive coffee machine.
	Like the Mr. Coffee, Black & Decker.
	I would say if it's under $150, it's not getting the coffee hot enough.
	We have a traffic update, right?
	We do have a traffic update.
	I was going to say, we actually have a breaking news story at the top of the map.
	Reg should send it to us.
	No.
	China urges the U.S.
	not to halt its funding to the World Health Organization.
	China has an opinion about this.
	China, if you care about that so much, you first.
	How about you fund them?
	Yeah, it's fine.
	This is another thing.
	Why should we be subsidizing your organization?
	Or how about this?
	China.
	Okay, China.
	How about, here are the rules.
	First, you acknowledge Taiwan, you apologize, you cut the debt in half that anybody owes you at this point, you pay reparations, and you start funding the World Health Organization, and you know what?
	How about toss a few bucks into NATO?
	Then we'll consider taking any... This is what I would like to see.
	If you do all of those things, then we will consider not ruining your day by messing up your entire government.
	How about that?
	This is as close to an act of war what China has been doing at this point as we have seen in the modern age.
	Think about the Cold War and what we were afraid of.
	Obviously nuclear weapons, but that's already happened now at this point.
	China just needs to buddy up with the right people, by the way.
	You can't even find a nuclear weapon outside of this hemisphere.
	And it is remarkable that this is just more proof they expect the United States to front the world health care bills, medical innovation, we're the ones who have to come up with a vaccine, and we're the ones who have to fund the organization that lied to us about the disease and denied the only information that was actually accurate in December because of political motivations when it comes to Taiwan.
	Why would we ever take part in anything the World Health Organization does?
	Why should we care?
	And China, even more, please do answer me this, why should we care what you think?
	Even if there's 19 billion of you!
	Now Donald Trump looks like he was, not prophetic, but he could see the future, like he was pulling out of some of these deals with China on purpose and saying, these guys are really, really horrible, we shouldn't be dealing with them this way, and it's because, oh my god, he was looking at them objectively.
	Yeah.
	And not bowing to everything they want to.
	I'm bringing up the article now as this is breaking, so I apologize.
	Yeah, no.
	Global pandemic more than... The number of cases in New York... Domestic airline travel, TSA screens less than... What is this?
	Oh, okay.
	Well, here it is, right?
	During Wednesday's press briefing in Beijing, Chinese foreign ministry spokesman Zhao Lijian said President Donald Trump... That's pretty good.
	That's very good.
	Authentic.
	I would have thought that Brendan would chime in there since he's such a Jet Li fan.
	I don't know that that means he can speak Cantonese or Mandarin.
	By the way, the fact that I said, name me a good Chinese actor, and he said Jet Li.
	Do you have any idea how shameful, what a black dot that is on your country's history?
	It is.
	China.
	Imagine if they were like, can you name any good American actor?
	And just some American would be like, Steven Seagal?
	He run like a girl.
	I think that's all I can think of.
	You don't want to seem racist.
	I don't know.
	I don't care.
	Apparently it's racist now to make fun of the Chinese language just because I don't know how to pronounce it.
	You can do it with anything.
	I can do it with Italian.
	That's not Italian.
	But the Italians are just like, ha ha ha, it's funny.
	That's how they respond.
	Really?
	Yeah, that's exactly how they respond.
	To a racist.
	So, Donald Trump's decision to cut U.S.
	contributions to the WHO, this comes from ABC News, to the World Health Organization, would impact all countries across the globe, especially the more vulnerable ones.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You mean like Taiwan?
	And you mean like a pandemic impacts every country in the world?
	China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, How about you help the most vulnerable countries in the world?
	This is a great example right here.
	They're not saying, hey, the World Health Organization helps the most vulnerable countries in the world.
	What they're saying is, the World Health Organization entirely relies on the United States subsidization to fund the most vulnerable countries in the world.
	China, why don't you take care of them?
	Any Islamic nations, by the way, pick one ever!
	Are they helping the most vulnerable countries in the world?
	Why does it fall on the United States?
	Canada!
	Your own national defense!
	Go!
	We wouldn't even have time to make the Orville Redenbacher before you guys would be speaking fluently in another language.
	We need to give you healthcare!
	We need to give you security, we need to overpay into NATO, and then, now, for some reason, we have to pay a propaganda wing of the Chinese government and the World Health Organization, or it's our fault that people have to dig wells in Zambia.
	How about you go screw yourself, China?
	Just do a little bit.
	We just want you to do a... How about you start with your own people, by the way?
	Why is it the United States... Yeah, it'd be helpful.
	Why is it our job to help the most vulnerable elsewhere, but we cannot help the Chinese?
	Not to mention that you won't even allow us to help the Chinese by being fair and bringing in our goods to China.
	They don't have access to it.
	They have to make the goods that get exported, but you can't let them get the quality stuff.
	You can't let them get the stuff that they want because, of course, you have a class structure, right?
	You abuse your own people, and you want to call out the United States to fix the world in the most vulnerable... And I get it!
	This is the expectation because we've always done it, and this is why it's so fun.
	No one here... You know what they're not saying?
	You know what this is not saying?
	What you're not saying is that the United States is an evil empire.
	We hear that all the time, right?
	The United States is an empire.
	When, can you imagine anyone, anyone, can you imagine the Mongolians going like, ah, hey, yeah, China, could you not, could you take down the law?
	It's kind of tough for us, but oh, sorry, my bad, my bad.
	No!
	No, could you imagine going to the Roman Empire?
	Someone who's under their thumb.
	I'm just saying, hey, you know what?
	You're not doing enough for the people across the globe.
	I know the Roman Empire and the Greeks and the Ottomans, but I don't exactly know what's happening outside of their empire.
	I mean, a lot, but not a lot.
	What are you doing for Ethiopia?
	That's an old place.
	There you go.
	No!
	You don't say that to an empire.
	You say, please don't rape us and pillage our stuff.
	The United States is the only world superpower.
	By the way, the only world superpower who fled the world's greatest superpower one century to become the only global superpower the next century.
	And we've left places better than we found them.
	Now, I know what you're going to say.
	Hold on a second.
	What about the Middle East?
	You're right.
	It's a quagmire.
	But that's because the governments there are run by animals.
	Not all the people, but the government.
	That neighborhood was screwed up before we moved in.
	It was really bad before we got there.
	It's not like in Kandahar they saw United States Marines rolling in and said, better go to the neighborhood.
	Exactly.
	Property values are going down.
	You said, hey, finally we might have a neighborhood.
	Yeah, exactly.
	This place!
	Look at this!
	Bondats!
	It looks like the Bronx!
	Oh, and I'm confused.
	China wants, they want to have all the influence that they can with the WHO.
	This is your golden opportunity, China.
	Step up.
	They want to have the influence.
	Spend some money.
	But they want, this also tells you how much they expect the American media to be complicit.
	Oh, of course.
	They want the influence, but they don't want to front the cash.
	So they're hoping that Jim Acosta reads this or Stephanopoulos gets a hold of it.
	Let's prepare the show now.
	Yeah!
	Yeah, Stephanopoulos!
	You so good!
	You're one of the top economies in the world.
	You pay the $360,000,000 that's the difference between what we pay and what you pay.
	you think our economy is not no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
	american misunderstand our economy is house of card oh it's not real oh it's founded on
	on years and centuries of human rights abuse and it's not work when you when you when you take away
	that we can't have free economy to work no no no no house of card you know house of card i do yeah
	kevin spacey rape kid yeah pretty much yeah our economy like the guy who raped kid well china
	just do me a favor and talk to russia the ussr about this because we did this game before and
	they end up falling yeah you're gonna fall so um that was improv there's a little one that's good
	for a little one act yeah a little one act about watergate so furthermore the move
	weakens the who's capabilities and harms international cooperation
	Well, okay, this sounds bad.
	It's like the political compass test we'll be taking tonight.
	Harms international cooperation.
	Ah, who are we supposed to be cooperating with?
	Doesn't that matter?
	It does.
	Can you hear Brendan drinking milk with his mask?
	Is it through the mask?
	I think he tried to drink it through the cheesecloth mask.
	I feel like it would just run down his shirt.
	We should probably find out before the end of the show.
	At present, the global pandemic situation is grim and is at a critical moment, Zhao told reporters.
	We urge the U.S.
	to fulfill its responsibilities and obligations and support them to lead the international combat against the pandemic.
	Guess what?
	I don't want to cooperate with you.
	I want nothing to do with you.
	Zero.
	This is amazing to me.
	It would be like Nancy Pelosi reaching out.
	You know the same person who was dancing in Chinatown saying, hey, we're Chinatown strong.
	Come on down to San Francisco, Chinatown.
	We're all fine.
	It's just allergies.
	It would be like her saying, hey, let's cooperate to Donald Trump.
	Just cooperate in the impeachment.
	Why would I ever cooperate with that?
	I have an idea here.
	I'm willing for the United States to go ahead and go back to the level of funding for the WHO that they were before.
	China, you open up completely.
	You don't get to tell us what the numbers are in your country.
	You give us full access.
	This is like the atomic stuff, the IAEA, right?
	No, we dropped that on Japan.
	No, no, no.
	I didn't see the bombs, Steven.
	Open the country up for us.
	Let us see what's really going on.
	I don't understand, I don't understand why the, well I know exactly why the expectations of the United States.
	You know what, we'll do the traffic update, we'll do it later because we're actually, I didn't realize how late we're running.
	Alright, so then we also have to get to Hipster or Hobo.
	Ooh, that's back!
	It is, it's back.
	So now let's get to this other issue.
	Is there anything else anyone want to chime in on China at all?
	Oh my god, what's happening on CNN?
	Taraji P. Henson creates free virtual therapy for black communities.
	Well that's nice.
	What virtual, what do you mean virtual therapy?
	I don't, I, are those eyebrows painted on?
	I think they might be.
	They probably are.
	Isn't it odd that, what's her name, Poppy, what's her name?
	Poppy Harlow.
	Poppy Harlow has to pretend like she's taking this whole thing seriously.
	That's a real person.
	That's a real person.
	I thought that was a PewDiePie character.
	I first misread Henson character.
	It's Tarahi P. Henson.
	I thought it was something that came out of the creature shop.
	Not a racial thing, just to be clear.
	She happens to be, uh, your guess is as good as mine.
	I mean because of the hair and the eyebrows.
	If we had a protractor, I'm sure we could tell where those eyebrows were headed.
	If you look at the art, go off into the horizon line there.
	Your makeup artist shouldn't have to factor in trigonometry equations to make sure.
	I don't know, the cosine, the tangent, I'm just, words.
	She's a genius though.
	I'm just using words.
	Can you do trigonometry Brendan?
	I bet you he can.
	I bet you Brendan probably can.
	Why'd you have to think about that, by the way?
	You don't need to think about it.
	It's not a trick question.
	He didn't say, like, what's 5 plus 5, and you're like, uh, 10.
	He's like, do trig right now.
	Yeah, I'm not asking him to do trigonometry.
	Remember how expensive those graphic calculators were, too?
	I know, the TI-85.
	It's an expensive way to spell boobs!
	You didn't upgrade your jokes with the new calculator that you can graft them out?
	You could have grafted boobs.
	A good joke is a good joke.
	Oh, hey, you know what?
	I do have a story that's happened today.
	Oh my gosh.
	You know, I'm up somewhere between 3.30 and 4.30.
	And not because you told me to, Jocko.
	Are you getting after him?
	I make my own decisions.
	You're not the boss of me.
	So, I was up very early and I drive.
	I just go for a drive and I drink my coffee in the morning.
	It's kind of my routine.
	I listen to the news.
	I have to be very careful because I listen to usually NPR.
	Right.
	Does it make you mad?
	No, I fall asleep at the wheel.
	Really?
	Yeah, I've had to change it with other news.
	Maybe sleep more?
	No, no, it's just NPR.
	It's all illegal.
	They are federally funded to be boring.
	Oh, okay.
	So I was driving and then I stopped it and I hate this.
	To my everlasting shame, quick trip.
	Come on, you have Chuck Norris doing your... Sponsor this show!
	I am the biggest advocate for QuickTrip.
	Why?
	Because I grew up in Montreal, where we didn't have anything like that.
	I remember my wife used to mock me because I just loved QuickTrips.
	I'd be like, look at this gas station!
	You can get anything in here!
	You could even get gas!
	And she's like, why is this so amazing?
	I'm like, because... Well, that's a fact.
	Montreal is an island, and that's very astute.
	So, the St.
	Lawrence River, I'm sure you're familiar with the waterways and the locks.
	Okay.
	Zero parts of him.
	The only familiarity I have with Canada is like Scott Pilgrim.
	So that last part, don't say that out loud.
	Cartoons, yeah.
	Yeah, cartoons.
	Just poorly made films.
	Well, it's not a cartoon.
	So what was I talking about before?
	Oh, so I stopped, but unfortunately this morning there was only a racetrack.
	Oh no.
	I needed to stop because I had a problem with my mug was leaking and stuff
	So so what I was doing was wanting to carry out any trash at racetrack again
	Racetrack not even close to QuickTrip if I have to stop and go into a 7-eleven
	I honestly contemplate blowing my head off every single time. It is so bad. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's
	No, it's terrible.
	It's terrible.
	And like I said, I won't do it with a Walther.
	I will make sure if I ever harm myself, I'll do it with a competitor's firearm because I don't want to besmirch their reputation.
	I don't want to sully their good name.
	So maybe it'll be like if I have to go into a 7-Eleven ever again, I hope there's a Ruger nearby.
	That's all I hope.
	There you go.
	So I go into a racetrack and my wife left one of those fizzy waters there, coconut, which tastes like suntan lotion.
	It tastes like I'm drinking the subject of a Jimmy Buffett song.
	Coconut LaCroix.
	It's disgusting.
	Or what's his name?
	Kenny Chesney.
	Except the latter is closeted gay.
	Which got me into a street fight, by the way.
	You know that story, because I kept making fun of Kenny Chesney.
	You don't talk about Kenny like that!
	Oh, he's your Kenneth.
	You're on a first-name basis.
	I digress.
	So, coconut fizzy water.
	I'm carrying this stuff into the trash, but accidentally, you know, and some of it spills.
	Yeah.
	On the crotchal area.
	Oh.
	And this happens, and I'm always, like, I don't want to, since I often get recognized, particularly at gas stations, people feel like there's this weird connection, so they can just talk, like, for 20 minutes.
	You're just like me!
	Right, it's like, I'm not, I don't know you, and I probably don't even like you.
	Well, you might.
	It's possible.
	You never know.
	Well, because often they're not people who, like, are watching right now.
	They're, like, people who've seen me on television or something.
	And they'll, like, hand me their business card.
	They'll be like, hey man, I do insulation for premium homes.
	Well, I don't have a premium home and I don't use insulation.
	Cool.
	I mean, you don't need any more.
	Thanks!
	And then I go get my big gulp.
	I accidentally pull it, and as I'm getting out of the car, I notice that it looks like a crotchal, like a piece, like I've urinated myself.
	And I walk out, and there's this girl who's Latino.
	I don't know if she's Mexican.
	Could be Honduran.
	I don't know.
	Don't assume.
	We'll just say Latino.
	Olive skin tone.
	And she looks at me, and she looks at me like this.
	She looks, and she goes, because the door opened up, and I was playing NPR very loudly, because that's what has to keep me awake.
	She opened the door, and she looks at me like this, and does that.
	And so right away, without thinking, I actually, like, I acted, like, because I wanted her, I thought, she's only seen it for a split second, so she doesn't know what's happening here.
	She doesn't know the context.
	She didn't think this was happening right now, so I actually went like, and dropped more on myself.
	What?
	So it didn't look like I had peed myself.
	So she looks, she goes, Looks down, and with quick thinking, I'm like, oh, she's gonna think it's pee unless I go, oh, oh, oh, no!
	So now it just looks like you peed yourself, and now you're trying to cover it up.
	Yeah, exactly, thank you.
	No, no, it's not what it looks like.
	She bought it.
	She bought it.
	She did.
	She bought it?
	Yeah, because I said, donde esta bathroom?
	And she was like, over there.
	So she knew that I needed to use it.
	Otherwise, she'd be like, why do you care?
	So maybe you have more pee that you were able to cut it off.
	And then I went in and someone's like, ah, it looks like it was a black lady.
	All my interactions happen to be with minorities.
	It's a black lady at a racetrack behind the custom food section, goes like, somebody had an accident!
	I'm kidding, it looks like you dropped it.
	So that was it.
	Was Johnny Boy there?
	Because he would have loved that.
	No he wasn't.
	That would have made his morning.
	This may seem like going backward, but Kenny Chesney is actually short for Kenneth Chesneth.
	Really?
	Chesneth.
	Yeah, I changed that name too.
	Yeah, and that's short for Peter Puffer.
	By the way, how much time do you actually spend in gas stations?
	Because most of us go in and out very quickly.
	As much as I possibly can.
	Is this your story where you walk the aisles and hang out?
	Just loiter around.
	What's going on?
	I look and see what new energy drink selection.
	They rotate new energy drinks more so than the magazine stand.
	You're like, what's this?
	Oh, bang.
	Oh, Celsius.
	This is new.
	Oh, wow, this is a new one.
	And then you realize that the reason that a lot of them are sort of rotating is because they're entirely illegal.
	Very dangerous.
	There's nothing wrong with just the caffeine, guarana, ginseng.
	But my dad, the first pre-workout was something called Ultimate Orange.
	And that was ephedra.
	That's super close to ephedra.
	So ephedra is illegal now, but ephedrine you can get in certain over-the-counter decongestants.
	Right.
	And I remember my dad taking this, because some idiot at the gym, you know, my dad played hockey, he always worked out, he's always been in shape, but he didn't even drink coffee.
	Someone just said, hey, take this Ultimate Orange.
	It'll help you work out.
	My dad said, that sounds like a good idea.
	And he took it, and I remember my dad going, okay, bye, see ya, I'm going to the gym.
	It was called Plant Up Muscle.
	It was early in the morning.
	And he walks out, and less than one minute later, he walks back in and just lays down.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Alright, we may need to call a doctor.
	Just like he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest.
	Oh, wow.
	So that happens with energy drinks.
	Anyway, but I peed.
	I didn't pee, I didn't pee!
	You did!
	I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I peed and I fixed it.
	And I realized telling this story, it was very Gary Shanling-esque.
	And so she thought I peed my pants and instead I poured the Waterloo all over my chest.
	It was cold and...
	That's my Gary Shandling.
	I was sitting there listening to Gary Shandling afterwards to see if he had a story.
	You don't know because you don't follow entertainment.
	No, I understand.
	Oh, that's right.
	That's right.
	Transformers 4.
	Is there another one?
	I don't think he's in the fourth one.
	What is this?
	So let me see here.
	Oh!
	Chris Cuomo!
	Okay.
	Let's go to Chris Cuomo, then we'll play Hipster or Hobo.
	I had no idea we walked through 45 minutes of this, and John King is on here with us.
	This is what happens.
	John King and Sanjay Gupta.
	Or, as it's known, a viewable, self-unhelped book.
	It's like, if there could be a book teaching you how to develop the opposite of charm, it would be co-written.
	It would be written by John King, forwarded by Sanjay Gupta.
	I can't tell which one.
	I can't tell which one's darker.
	I just hit my own microphone.
	Did you just get into a fight with your microphone?
	Is your microphone a Sanjay Gupta fan?
	Hey, don't talk about my friend!
	You don't know what this thing's done to me.
	Oh boy.
	Maybe you started it.
	But it was funny!
	It wasn't that funny.
	Someone get me Bill!
	So, here's another story.
	Chris Cuomo, and I love this.
	Because I love Chris Cuomo.
	But not for the reasons that most don't.
	Um, Chris Cuomo, uh, he, this week, if you hadn't been following, uh, he trashed his, he trashed his job, but not the way that you think, saying that he didn't want to be involved with hyper-partisan politics anymore.
	He didn't like, well, play the audio clip, but the context here is he actually thinks that CNN is not left enough.
	So that changes it a little bit, especially with the follow-up.
	Let's roll the clip of good old Chris Cuomo.
	I don't want to spend my time doing things that I don't think are valuable enough to me.
	Valuable.
	Namely being Chris Cuomo.
	Well, I don't like what I do.
	Well, neither do we, Chris.
	I like doing this show, I like talking to you guys, but I don't value indulging irrationality
	and hyper-partisanship.
	I don't think it's worth my time.
	And I don't want some jackass, loser, fat tire biker to be able to pull over and get in my face and in my space and talk bullsh** to me.
	And in my place.
	I don't want to hear it.
	Somewhere there's a Hell's Angel like, Joke's on you!
	My tire's standard!
	I drive a street bob, bitch!
	So, um, here's what's so funny.
	You guys all heard that, right?
	And I want to make sure, I know sometimes we tell jokes on a comedy show and someone's like, is that a real story?
	That was Chris Cuomo.
	That was not anyone here's 100% him.
	I want to be very clear.
	Is everyone in agreement that that was Chris Cuomo and you heard him say it?
	Certified.
	Even Brendan?
	Uh, yes.
	Speak louder, I can't hear you through the mask.
	Yes.
	Woah, calm down!
	Woah, don't yell!
	You're gonna blow my ears, man.
	Son of a bitch.
	So, then, I think this was yesterday, he walked it back.
	This is a direct quote.
	It says, I never said it, I never meant it.
	Well, first off, if you never said it, why would you need to specify I didn't mean it?
	In the event that I might have said it, I also did not mean it.
	So I have you cornered here.
	I didn't say it!
	Covering all the bases, just in case.
	Do you understand how recording systems work, Chris Cuomo?
	Like, did you not see Trump's press conference?
	I was sick, I forgot.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Have I showed you my lungs yet?
	My x-ray?
	My x-ray.
	It looks totally normal?
	The diagnosis from doctor was, shows signs of being a pussy.
	It's weird how they came up with that diagnosis so fast.
	It is remarkable to me that this guy said that right there, and then just said, I never said it, I never meant it.
	This just shows you the lack of accountability.
	He thinks that if he doesn't say it on CNN, it must not exist.
	Well, I said it on some kind of a podcast, and I can just go on my network and say that I didn't say it.
	I think he was being honest, though.
	I think this is a guy who really wants to be a hyper-partisan.
	He doesn't think that CNN is a hyper-partisan enough, because he's never seen a Laura Kyron's, because he doesn't have a monitor, so he thinks that he has.
	That's a valuable context.
	And what he was saying is he wants to push back against Donald Trump.
	He wants to be more of an open leftist ideologue.
	And it's not worth his time.
	They don't pay him enough.
	But I think I know why he walked it back.
	Because this talentless hack actually makes six million dollars a year.
	What?
	For CNN.
	Six million?
	Six million dollars a year.
	Just for him?
	He should just give a portion of it to the World Health Organization.
	I think it's a write-off.
	Wow!
	By the way, I don't know if that's entirely confirmed, because they have my, like, black celebrity net worth.
	For some reason, black celebrity net worth, we can bring this up, maybe, has me listed at four million.
	Really?
	Are you a black celebrity?
	No, I don't know why, but it says I own waterfront property in Dallas, Texas.
	Well, that's not true.
	Well, it's not true for anyone!
	It's not just fake news for me, it's not true for anyone.
	It could be a lake, I guess.
	Oh, by the way, by the way, the random biker guy he rants about, I guess it was an actual person, he ranted about, came forward, filed a police report, he caught Cuomo, this just came, this is breaking, he caught Cuomo violating quarantine and Cuomo had a meltdown and told him that he'd fined him.
	Seriously?
	He's right there.
	Well, here's the thing.
	Here's the thing.
	You hate bullies.
	Chris Cuomo, I think you're a bully.
	A bicycle guy!
	Not a biker guy.
	Well, the reason I thought biker is because he said fat tire biker.
	That's the name of a motorcycle.
	No, you're right, but he's dumber than we thought, and so he's talking about a cyclist who had one of those big fat tire bikes.
	No, I will tell you, I've never done this.
	I don't think violence solves problems.
	Chris Cuomo, I always want to say governor, but you haven't earned that.
	You're the brother of a guy who did it and has nipple rings, so we don't know what you do.
	Yeah, we'll see.
	I would welcome you on the show, and I know I would be respectful, civil, but I don't expect you would be, so we can also just have, you know, a Wrestlemania for all I want.
	We can have a cage match.
	I don't care.
	And I also, you know, I've noticed that there's this trend with Chris Cuomo, where he always plays the tough guy.
	You know, when the guy called him Fredo, he was like, That's an insult to your people!
	That's an insult to your people!
	It's an insult to my people!
	No, first off, no it's not.
	I'll push you down the stairs!
	It's not a racial epithet.
	Yeah, he threatened to push him down the stairs.
	And right here he told the biker that he would find him.
	Chris Cuomo, I understand what you're yearning for.
	All of us are yearning.
	All of us are longing for human contact during this quarantine.
	The good news for you, Cuomo, is I am incredibly easy to find.
	And very willing.
	Very willing.
	On one day's notice, not only will I host you on this show, but I would gladly allow you to find me in a sanctioned match.
	He always talks about his training, too, by the way.
	There's an interview here where he's talking about how he does CrossFit and how he trains MMA, but where he trains MMA is more like street defense, like it's really tough.
	I would love to test the theory!
	Let's see if it's working for you.
	And then he tries to accuse people of being bullies.
	Hold on a second.
	You get paid six million dollars a year to go on CNN and a guy catches you violating quarantine, which by the way you have espoused should be against the law.
	He blows the whistle on you and you threaten him with violence on a nationally publicized program, which you then walk back?
	You are the definition of a bully!
	You punch down and then walk it back when someone above you at your network punches, not really punches down, but spanks you and says, NO!
	No, Chris Cuomo!
	Don't be on the carpet!
	You're like, I'll never do it again!
	As he's shoving your head into it.
	I feel so bad.
	So you punch someone who doesn't even work in the industry, and then you immediately cower when someone at CNN tells you, you can't do that.
	That's way out of line.
	So I would love to hold you accountable, Chris Cuomo.
	I wouldn't do it with Brian Stelter.
	It wouldn't be fair, and there's a reason for weight classes.
	Chris Cuomo and I, exactly right in there.
	He claims he's 220.
	Work for a debate, or work for a... Bully me!
	Bully me!
	Just bully me, Chris Cuomo.
	Bring it!
	So I was confused.
	Honestly, when I first heard the quotes and everything and I saw some of the stuff come
	out, I thought, oh, well, he's not going to go as far left anymore.
	He's tired of being a partisan hack.
	But no, he wants to go further left.
	If you've watched any media, if you're working at CNN or MSNBC, do you not watch the other
	people to kind of see what's going on a little bit?
	There is nothing that I can think of that is worse than him on CNN.
	Maybe Stelter is worse on CNN than he is, and maybe Tapper at times, but maybe Stelter is worse.
	Stelter is the fat closeted gay Chris Cuomo.
	You can say a lot of things about Chris Cuomo, but the only two things you can't say about him are that he's morbidly obese and closeted homosexual.
	But you can say those about Brian Stelter, which is why I wouldn't want to fight him.
	Wouldn't be fair.
	That would be punching down.
	Yeah, you don't want to do that.
	Yeah, it would be punching down and punching in and then trying to retrieve it from the amoebic mass that is Brian Stelter's just... I bet you it would be very hard to suplex.
	He would.
	Because he'd be like grabbing a giant bar of soil.
	Like the blob?
	I hope he goes as far left as he wants and ends up without a job.
	I don't hope he ends up without a job.
	I do.
	If he goes that far left, I don't want him on the news.
	I would like Chris Cuomo to just take a pay cut to like a quarter million a year and watch him soil himself.
	That's what it would be like.
	Live like not even the rest of us.
	You can't live on that.
	Come on, nobody can live on that.
	You're too busy threatening bikers and guys in pop-up tents.
	What was it?
	It looked like a circus.
	It was like, I'll throw you down the stairs, man.
	OK, good luck.
	That's a tough guy move.
	You think everyone's just going to react like it's a Lifetime movie?
	Oh no, I should have picked more wisely with my life partner.
	No.
	You can try and push someone.
	He never does it.
	Have we ever seen Chris Cuomo?
	We've seen plenty of video.
	We've heard plenty of callouts from Chris Cuomo from people who could do nothing about it or have no interest in doing anything about it.
	Have we ever seen Chris Cuomo respond to someone challenging him or challenge someone scarier than him?
	We've never seen it.
	Ever.
	He got really, really, really pushy in that video, by the way, when somebody finally stood between them.
	Then he was, like, all aggressive, like, yeah, yeah, that's right!
	Hold me back, that's right!
	Better hold me back!
	I've been doing CrossFit, bruh!
	I've been doing those pull-up thingies where you, like, swing to get the momentum.
	I've been doing not-pull-up pull-ups.
	I've been doing pull-ups where I completely remove the lat from the equation, and it's just a violent kipping movement, and my lower back's pretty sore, but I ice bath it.
	Uncle Rabdo, bitch!
	Uncle Rhett's really good at swimming in, like, the dolphin motion.
	Yes, exactly.
	That's true.
	I don't—no, no, no.
	I don't do breaststroke or—I only do butterfly stroke.
	Why?
	Because it's hard.
	But do you know how to swim normally?
	No.
	I don't even—I've never learned it.
	I'll die in the ocean if I get there.
	I do Jacob's Ladder, bro.
	What's that?
	It's, like, a really hard ladder.
	Come at me.
	Okay, if you insist.
	By the way, hit the notification bell.
	We do have to get going.
	We'll go to Hipster Hobo here in a minute, read some of your chats.
	Hit all notifications because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot on YouTube.
	And of course, do consider joining up at louderwithcrowder.com slash MugClub.
	And please renew because we're not monetized on the YouTube.
	This is all that keeps it going.
	And it's been really fun to interact with you guys and read your chats.
	Of course, our wonderful sponsors.
	Well, you know, Walther.
	Try the Walther.
	That's all we say.
	And that's all we need to say.
	That's all you gotta say.
	They're firearms.
	They are cool, beautifully designed, and deadly.
	They don't need me to sell them!
	They sell themselves!
	they're like cigarettes point point and shoot much like this guy on cnn right
	yes the sun says save $200 with that was it the pergola yeah the sunsetter
	awnings steven well designed dangerous that rachel ray it mostly doesn't
	provide shade because sun typically comes in at an angle so what depends if
	Of course, a Black Rifle Coffee.
	BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder.
	Enter the promo code Crowder.
	You get $20 off, and this is my favorite roast.
	It is unbelievable.
	I really like it, and I've told you this.
	A long time ago, I hated Black Rifle Coffee.
	And the reason why, they came to be a sponsor a year ago and I said no.
	Because I purchased a bag of their coffee at a gun store in Michigan.
	And it was old and stale.
	And so I was like, ugh, this is like, all this, like I paid for crap.
	And then finally someone said, well, just, you need to order it roasted.
	And I was like, oh, what a world of difference.
	And they're pretty stringent now about who can carry their stuff.
	So I apologize, Black Rifle.
	I just, you know, I prejudged you.
	I judged a book by your sold in the B room of a gun range cover.
	I should have known that it wasn't a paracetamol.
	It was right next to the 9mm.
	I was like, yeah, you know what, throw in a bag of coffee.
	Might as well.
	Look at this thing!
	Look at the commercial!
	Yeah, it's gone on forever.
	Look at it!
	Do we have any more chat before we go to Hipster or Hobo?
	We do.
	Let's bring up a couple more chats, and then we're going to play Hipster or Hobo.
	I want you to play along with us.
	We haven't done this in a whole long time, and that's largely because we had to remove all Spot the Tranny videos from YouTube.
	That was one of the conditions to still not being monetized anyway, so I don't know why we did it.
	Yeah, so what?
	A condition to what?
	So Braden says, hello from Nashville, love the show.
	Question for the whole group.
	I've noticed conservatives slash libertarians seem to have a more finely tuned BS radar than Democrats when it comes to news stories and life in general.
	We are more skeptical by nature.
	Why do you think that is?
	I think it's really simple and I think the World Health Organization, and I appreciate your question.
	I think this whole World Health Organization debacle just shows it for what it is, in that the left believes in the value of the collective over the individual.
	And any kind of an ideology that values the power and freedom, liberty of the individual over the collective is, by the very nature, going to be individualistic.
	And this is why it's so funny to me when people say, oh, I'm not left or right, I take them on an issue-by-issue basis, like there's some kind of a free thing.
	But that's what conservatism is.
	It is actually being an individualist and understanding that every single person is different.
	Now, we tend to share the same values, of course, on free market principles, on what the legitimate role of government is, but the reason that we believe in shrinking those roles and shrinking taxes and shrinking government intrusion, any kind of public intrusion, is because we understand that individuals should be left to make their own decisions because we believe that they tend to do it better than a bureaucracy in Washington, D.C.
	Now, keep in mind, let's look at this right now.
	Climate change.
	Now, the message you've been sold, right, between right and left, is from the left, from people like Chris Cuomo, who, granted, he hasn't been hyper-partisan enough, apparently.
	Can somebody please throw that man a lifeline?
	Good God.
	Let him be more partisan.
	They say, well, you deny science, when really the conservatives are saying, hey, hold on a second.
	The planet can be warming, humans can be contributing, I just don't think that the Paris Agreement is going to fix it, and I don't think that China's going to play ball.
	So, that's an individual look at the issues.
	You have plenty of conservatives who Yeah.
	Yeah.
	actually think that maybe it will support that policy. You have plenty of
	conservatives who don't think the earth is warm to be on a catastrophic amount
	and you have plenty of conservatives who think that humans are... all different
	kinds of conservatives on that spectrum. The left, what do they say is you deny
	science. And you say, well, hold on a second, what do you think about the arguments I presented?
	I'm gonna trust the scientists. Oh, okay, so let's look at the World Health
	Organization. Let's look at this current...
	SARS number 2 epidemic because it was SARS number 1. This is the sequel. We say, hold
	on a second, I'm not quite sure if we're going to get 2.5 million deaths because I'm looking
	at the death rate right now and you can't really account for this with the mortality
	rate and the testing rate and we don't really know who's been infected yet. And the left
	says it's absolutely going to be 2.5. Well, hold on a second, what about the issues that
	I just brought up? I trust the scientists. They say 2.5. Oh, beep, beep, beep. Now they're
	saying 100,000, 240,000. I trust the scientists. Why? You trusted them before. They're still
	absolutely right. Well, I'm telling you now I think there's actually a problem because
	if you look at the individual death rates and it was mortality rate of 6%, 7%, now it
	might be 0.04% when you take into account people without preexisting conditions and
	beep, beep, beep.
	Oh, it's $60,000 now.
	So what about that $2.5 million?
	I still trust the scientists.
	Why do you hate science?
	They look at every issue from a collective lens, and they defer to authority consistently because they believe authority has it right.
	That's why in this pandemic, they believe if the CDC had more money, we'd be aces.
	So it's very simple.
	It boils down to conservatism, libertarianism, we value—I'm doing, see, my left, your right.
	That was a good job.
	I know the stage terms here.
	See right here?
	Upstage.
	Right there?
	Downstage.
	And through!
	You're now forgetting which one's right and left.
	My left, your right.
	Libertarians, conservatives, by nature, value the power and freedom of the individual.
	Of course, it takes a village.
	That's Hillary Clinton's book.
	I don't think it takes a village.
	I think it takes good parents.
	Yeah, and one of the things that we don't subscribe to as conservatives is there is some kind of elite class of people who know far, far, far better than anybody else what is good for us and how to implement it, right?
	We understand that, and if anything, we've learned this from small businesses around the country and in technology, that there are plenty of people that can be experts in their field that have great things to contribute.
	We don't need it to be the top person.
	We can talk to a lot of great people.
	Well, they always think that it's some ruling class who's going to fix it, provided it's the right person.
	I will say this, and I really do respect Joe Rogan for having taken his licks here, saying he would... He didn't say he would vote for Trump, by the way.
	That's a misreporting of what Joe Rogan said.
	He said he would probably prefer Trump over Biden.
	But you know what?
	This is the idea that you see from the left, like, well, it needs to be the right person.
	And his primary gripe with Biden, he said, you know, the Democratic Party, they made us all out to be morons when they pick this guy.
	Why didn't Bernie make you out to be morons when you picked that guy?
	That guy's going to smooth over all the wrinkles that are wrong with the current Democratic Party and say, ah, Biden is the problem.
	If you had Bernie?
	Point to a candidate that didn't make him morons.
	I'm not saying, by the way, I don't say we'd be fine if it was Trump.
	No, I'm saying I'm actually grateful that we have a president who wants to give more power to the states, who wants to give people more money in their pocket rather than taking their taxes.
	I want the guy who doesn't really need or want the job.
	And Joe Biden desperately needs this job.
	Because the other stop, it's the old folks home.
	And it's nice, they have pergolas, we saw them on CNN, but he'd rather be relevant until the state of being catatonic.
	Okay, we have to go right now to, not to a commercial, where we are going to play for the first time I believe in two years, Hipster or Hobo.
	Let's go!
	Hipster Ho!
	Nope.
	What just happened?
	Did we just lose the hipster hobo segment?
	Oh no.
	Did everything stop?
	It just froze on the guy peeing.
	Can we try it again?
	Let me try it again.
	Let's see if we'll try it again.
	We'll try it again.
	Hipster, oh my god.
	How did we lose that?
	This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
	Ever.
	Ever.
	This hurts.
	This is worse than SARS.
	And that's really what bothers me most about COVID-19 is that I can't make SARS jokes anymore.
	Maybe we should all just sing the intro.
	Well, but no, you first.
	It's like China demanding we fund the World Health Organization.
	You go first, Brendan.
	How about you do it?
	Can you sing it for us?
	Let's go.
	Come on.
	It's Hipster Hobo.
	Hipster Hobo, I wish I knew.
	Hipster Hobo, some things are not what they seem.
	Our obnoxious assholes will destroy the value of your property.
	And copyright strike.
	Thank you, that was a good idea.
	I mean, you were awful, but it was a good idea.
	No, actually, he wasn't bad.
	I'm here to make you shine.
	Brendan can sing.
	Anyone else notice that?
	Even uncomfortable and with a mask on, he can sing.
	He's the masked singer.
	Okay, so for people who don't know, can we play the game though?
	Do we know if those work?
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay, we can play the game.
	So for people who aren't familiar, this is actually, I've noticed it's a striking, this was two years ago, now kind of everyone else knows this, striking similarity between hobos and hipsters to the point where it's almost difficult to tell the difference.
	Yeah, it's almost impossible.
	It's a tough game.
	And so, what is going to happen right now is Quarterback Garrett and Audio Wade, they are going to show us a picture, and we are all going to have to guess if it's a hipster or hobo.
	Okay.
	And the one with the highest score gets absolutely nothing in return.
	Oh.
	Gets to end this program.
	Are you ready, sir?
	Alright, let's go!
	Number one!
	Let's see this.
	Okay, is that a hipster or a hobo?
	It's a nice mug.
	What do you think, Brendan?
	Hipster or hobo?
	Looks like a hipster trying to look like Jon Snow.
	Oh!
	Good call.
	Quarter black Garrett, what do you think?
	I'm thinking hobo.
	Okay.
	I'm thinking hobo because the long hair, he's got that... Yeah, I'm gonna go hobo too.
	Hipster.
	Okay, here's what I will say.
	Here's what I will say.
	I'm going to say hipster because I'm looking at that tumbler and I'm seeing a two-tone.
	It looks like underneath his pinky it's a different tone.
	Like it could be a clean canteen.
	He could have found it.
	Or it could be a hydro flask.
	So I'm gonna say hipster.
	Alright, let's find out!
	That one is a hobo indeed, just third grade math, no GED.
	I was surprised, but the thing is, I was right in my assessment.
	That's a hobo who does take great, he pays great attention to drink wear.
	Hold on, so you were wrong?
	Is that hobo sponsored by Turbos?
	He's getting all the hobos on board with terms.
	Who bet hobo?
	That was me.
	You two.
	Alright, so you guys 2-0.
	Let's show us another one.
	Hipster hobo.
	Let's see what this is.
	Oh, that's a trick.
	That's a trick.
	We probably shouldn't play the clip on that one.
	Should we not?
	I don't know.
	You know what?
	I hate that I have been put in the position right now where I have to make a judgment call without all the information available to me because we could lose our jobs, but I'm going to call it.
	We're going to do it.
	That is a transgender hipster because hobos cannot afford the hormones.
	Yeah.
	I think we all agree.
	It could be state funded.
	Let's see.
	Let us know.
	He's neither of them, just a tranny.
	He-she.
	Two years ago.
	I will say this.
	I appreciate you looking out, Audio.
	I was trying.
	I really tried.
	You threw me a lifeline and I was like the guy who threw me the lifesaver and all that.
	No!
	Get that laptop out of my face!
	I don't need it!
	No!
	Someone handed me the floaties, and they're like, I don't need a kickboard!
	Because you drown.
	Alright, number three.
	Let's see this one.
	Yeah, let's wash the taste out of our mouth from that one.
	Okay, I feel like this one is so obvious that it's a hipster that it should be a hipster.
	There are no lenses, but is it just because he can't afford the lenses?
	How do you know there are no lenses?
	That's either a hipster or Ted Bundy.
	I can't tell.
	Here's also the wrench that's been tossed into these plants.
	That could either be a hipster who purchased Warby Parker glasses, or it could be a hobo who has donated Warby Parker glasses.
	That's a great point.
	There are just tons of hobos walking around with Tom's shoes and Warby Parker glasses.
	They are.
	And we thought it was a style statement.
	It's not.
	It's just sadness.
	If you go to Skid Row, you're like, is this an outdoor... is this a coffee house or a beer garden?
	No, it's just wonderful companies.
	Feces.
	It's compassionate capitalism.
	Did you get these for free or for $300?
	for three hundred dollars yes and i don't want to worry three hundred dollars are i think
	it's so obvious that it's a hipster to be hit it's not going to say it
	What do you think, Brendan?
	I feel like it's trying to be a trick question.
	Yeah, so I'm willing to bet... You think it's a hipster?
	Oh, yeah.
	Straight hipster.
	I don't know.
	You could be right.
	You see, you're playing 4D chess here.
	No, that's my... No, you don't play any chess.
	You play badgammon with a wall.
	I'm going to say that it is just a very attractive hobo.
	That one is a hipster, you see.
	How about well kept?
	That one is a hipster you see, you should have known by his fair trade teeth.
	Also a white supremacist.
	That is wrong.
	I couldn't know that his tea was fair trade.
	Hipster baby.
	Got it.
	Anybody who takes a photo and lifts the blue curve to get rid of the blacks, just like, that's a hipster.
	What?
	Wrong.
	Computers.
	What are you talking about?
	It's a niche.
	I hate all that is this right now.
	Okay, let's do one more.
	Let's call it a tiebreaker.
	I don't think anyone's getting this right.
	So let's see this last one for Hipster Hobo.
	You can play along with us.
	Well, that's not fair.
	We're not even seeing facial features.
	I'm going to say that beard's too coiffed.
	The neck is clean.
	It's too nice.
	The neck is clean.
	Right.
	Wait a second.
	We haven't seen a single hobo yet.
	Not one hobo yet.
	The very first one was a hobo.
	The first one?
	It didn't look like it, but it was.
	Oh, it was the Tervis-sponsored hobo.
	That's right.
	It was the hobo-slash-Yeti-cooler model.
	Right, yeah.
	Well, in that case, I'm going to say hipster here.
	Hobo.
	What do you think?
	I'm going hipster, too.
	I love how I have to cue him every time.
	He's been good at this game, though.
	Brennan is brilliant.
	He's a sleeper.
	He knows his hobos.
	He's a dark horse in all of this.
	He just can't cook spaghetti noodles well.
	He burns them to a crisp.
	Why did you try to cook spaghetti noodles?
	You just threw them in a pot.
	I've been told that it's incorrect to call them spaghetti noodles.
	It's not correct at all, yeah.
	Mostly because it was actually penne.
	It wasn't spaghetti at all.
	He thinks that spaghetti is a synonym for pasta.
	OK.
	We all agree.
	We all say hipster.
	Let us know!
	That one is a hipster indeed, he wears wool scarves and 95 degree, what a dick.
	Oh jeez.
	By the way, I also know why we didn't play this before because it is a gross violation
	of copyright.
	That's wrong.
	Almost every rule.
	We have trademark infringement and the entire Paul Simon and Garfunkel catalog as well as
	just human decency.
	If Joe Biden gets lost in the woods, who would you like to see as the Democratic frontrunner?
	listen do we have any we have any chats like a good chat to send us out
	otherwise we're just gonna go out and and do the personality test yeah so if
	Joe Biden gets lost in the woods who would you like to see as the Democratic
	front-runner thank you for all the extra content Jordan T okay I will say this
	I would, if Joe Biden, can you read that again?
	If Joe Biden gets lost in the woods, who would you like to see as the Democratic nominee?
	Okay.
	Uh, I would like to see whoever drove him out and left him in the woods.
	That is the person who I would like to see.
	Cause it would give us at least a Democrat with a little bit of chutzpah.
	If someone has the nerve to recognize a problem that his, thy name is Joe Biden.
	So I'm going to drive him to the Ozarks and let him fend for himself, which you know, he can't.
	That's the person who I want to be.
	And of course we know it can't be Bernie.
	He can't drive because of cataracts.
	So my guess is it would be, what's his name?
	What's his name here?
	Beto.
	Beto.
	Francis O'Rourke.
	Beto?
	So there you go.
	I want, bring me Francis Beto O'Rourke because he did a good job dropping Joe Biden off in
	Good job.
	That is what I want to see.
	That's the level of political discourse.
	OK, we do have to get going tonight.
	We will be taking the Political Compass quiz because you asked for it.
	I'm not happy about it.
	And of course, the live show tomorrow at 8 p.m.
	A lot of credit dot com slash schedule.
	So you can follow us.
	We'll see you tonight.
	Thank you.

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