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March 31, 2020 - Louder with Crowder
59:10
#655 Lazy Late-Night Hosts & LIFE ADVICE: Dealing with Grief | Louder with Crowder
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So we did Good Morning Mug Club.
You can go watch that full show from this morning, but now you get the full evening show.
This is available for everyone who's a member of Mug Club, of course, behind the paywall at BlazeTV every week for the month of April, or I guess really March 30th through May 1st.
You get all of it because we wanted to get back to you.
We know that you're isolated, getting a little bit stir-crazy.
So the hashtag is Mug Club Quarantine and In order to continue staying afloat and serving during this time, if you enter in the promo code at louderwithcreditor.com slash mugclub, you enter in the promo code quarantine, get $30 off.
Of course, for the schedule, evening and morning shows that are available here on YouTube and Blaze, go to louderwithcreditor.com slash schedule.
Subscribe to Crowder Bits, iTunes, podcasts, all that.
This is going to be an installment of Life Advice.
Enjoy the show.
Enjoy the show.
This is a test.
That's called the Peck Deck Dance.
because we're going to get to life advice in a little bit.
Johnny Boy, the guy who works with us, he used to go in high school and put all of the weight on the peck deck to show how strong he was until he tore his peck because he was very ill-advised to use an isolation machine for maximal strength.
He still has breast tissue from it.
Yeah, just on the one side.
Hang it.
So in other words, this is really more of a PSA.
Don't do this with a lot of weight.
Don't be that guy either.
This is a continuation, of course, of Mug Club Quarantine.
Shows everywhere.
You can go to ladderwithcarter.com slash schedule.
Promo code quarantine.
You get $30 off.
How are you, Gerald Morgan Jr.?
I'm doing well.
Yeah.
Are you doing well?
Now I am.
That's right, you weren't here this morning.
That's true.
Yeah.
And I paid the price, my friend.
You did pay the price.
Why weren't you here?
I wasn't invited.
Really?
No.
You told us you were going to be very busy because you were moving into a new house.
Well, that part's true.
You're going to be a father, you know, every other excuse in the book.
I mean, the business is busier than ever.
Quarantine.
Stuff like that.
He doesn't wash his hair.
He follows the Lena Dunham school of thought.
Never washes it.
Okay.
Before we move on, do you have anything else?
Anything else we want to get to?
No?
Tomorrow we have Razorfist on the show, by the way.
Hold on.
I was talking and I drank water.
It went down the wrong pipe.
Went down the wrong pipe!
B.S.
I feel like every time someone coughs, we feel like Glenn Close in Hook.
Exactly.
Which one of you doubted me?
The boo box?
No!
That was Glenn Close, by the way.
Did you know that?
She was dating—a lot of people didn't realize that.
Go back and watch that in Hook.
It's Glenn Close with a beard.
Today, that would be anti-trans.
You couldn't do that.
Ooh, that's true.
So I know that you are all very lonely.
I get that you guys are a little stir-crazy.
So are we.
And so we decided to give you more content than ever.
Just please do consider signing up at the ripe price of—I think it's like So here's my question of the day.
We're going to move on and talk about the whole YouTube landscape and network television landscape.
because we're not monetized on YouTube.
Quarter black hair is gonna have to take 77 cents in the dollar, but he's a minority,
so we'll take it lying down.
I want my reparations.
My question, so here's my question of the day.
We're going to move on and talk about the whole YouTube landscape and network television landscape.
The Corona virus, it's essentially forced all late night hosts now to become YouTubers.
So today in 2020, thanks to Corona, we are all YouTubers.
How do you think these hosts stack up?
Or you know what?
I know you're just going to say they suck.
So I need a more pointed question.
Specifically, which host do you think stacks up the best without a massive staff and audience, laughter accused?
Colbert, Camel, Noah, B, who do you think Silver lining here, silver lining, obviously we're not happy about the coronavirus, no one here is, we're not saying that, but the silver lining is that it has exposed late night hosts and wannabe late night hosts on CNN, on the most trusted name in news.
Just for the, I wouldn't say talentless, but the lazy hacks that they are.
And that's why we're trying to do things a little bit differently here.
We see that all of these folks who have all this staff, all this budget, they're just broadcasting from their bathtub now.
They're just broadcasting from home.
And we decided, you know what?
We can take an acceptable risk.
We can come in here.
We can quarantine in the office.
We can quarantine at home.
And try to make sure that you aren't just left out in the cold because Colbert can't find it within him as he shuffles past the 15 million annual salary to find a microphone that he could use to broadcast.
They basically have a vacation.
No, absolutely not.
So let's go right now to see, in case you don't believe me, just how lazy late night has become.
To help prevent the spread of COVID-19, I'm now shooting the show with a safe, minimal crew of my husband and the creatures of the forest.
Look at this!
Hello, everyone, and welcome to Late Night from... It's on NBC.
...my hallway.
Welcome to The Tonight Show.
I'm so excited to be doing the show from my bathroom.
He's not supposed to go to a kindergarten.
I mean, living room.
Hi!
He's the cubby keeper.
He has to... Welcome to my bathroom.
I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
You're watching a very special social distancing edition of The Late Show, or as I now call it, The Lather Show, with Scrub and Colbert.
So I'm doing the show from my house in New York, and this is how crazy New York traffic is.
I'm doing the show from my living room, and I was still 20 minutes late getting in.
I'm a hallucination brought on by you isolating yourself.
Oh, okay.
Hey, man, don't you ever let me catch you prescribing shit in my ward, cuz.
Never funny accidentally.
Never stumbled across funny, Trevor Noah.
My first guest tonight, as you can see, is Mr. Bubble, followed by a musical performance by the legendary duo Head & Shoulders.
Thanks, guys.
I don't like it.
I don't want it.
Shut it off.
And here's something with Trevor Noah.
A lot of people don't realize this.
People who haven't performed, we've had this struggle quite a bit when people are taking part in sketches here, because a lot of people here aren't actors, and we're kind of fitting them in.
That would be me.
If they've performed in rooms, for example, or in a green screen room that's supposed to take place outside, where people sort of talk like this, and I go, no, no, listen, people don't see you in a studio in a green screen room.
They're going to see you outside in a forest, or they're going to see you in a crowded mall.
That's what we're doing with the green screen.
So you need to project.
You need to project the kind of volume and the kind of intensity that your audience is expecting given that scenario.
Because a lot of people get in there and start talking like this.
That's what Trevor Noah is doing.
He's doing his show as though his wife is mad in the next room.
I don't know if he's married.
His boyfriend's mad in the next room.
He catches him.
It's 2020.
When you take away the hype, the hundreds of employees, writers, producers, They've got nothing.
They can't do it.
For a reference point, by the way, while we're talking about this, a single episode of Trevor Noah's show has 21 writers, 14 producers, cast members, technical crew, all that.
When you look at the entire staff of a show like Colbert's, you're talking about over 100 people.
And the budget these shows have, tens of millions of dollars.
Tonight's show alone is $75 million.
$75 million.
You couldn't find a camera guy who had more than an iPhone and laughs like Jimmy Fallon behind the camera.
It's terrible when it's in front of the camera, but behind the camera when it's... It's too late.
No!
Shut up!
Stop.
And here's something, too.
It's not like this should have caught them off guard, right?
I mean, they knew that something like this was coming with the coronavirus out there, and they didn't have a technical team that said, hey, give us half a day.
We'll set your house up.
They do not respect the audience.
This is the issue.
I don't think they respect the audience.
These hosts make millions.
Some of them make over $10 million a year.
That's important to note.
They could forego half of that salary to have someone set up a remote studio, by the way.
This entire office, the people out there in the edit bay, this entire studio, we could do all of that for a fraction of their salary.
And it would be much better quality right now.
Yes!
Wait, ours or theirs?
Ours.
Ours could always be better.
I'm very confused now as to what we're talking about.
The point is, Trevor Noah wouldn't know funny if it swam up and bit him on the ass in Cape Town.
He couldn't be funny if he tried.
I think Colbert's been funny.
I think Jimmy Kimmel can be funny.
But it is remarkable to me, and I understand this idea of social distancing, but why can they not set up a home studio or at least just get a mic?
A mic.
Get a Yeti mic, Seth Meyers!
The closest thing we have in Late Night is Hurricane Sandy that pushed through and they recorded to basically empty audiences for a couple of nights.
I think Jimmy Fallon did, Dave Letterman did.
Dave Letterman did a show that was basically much more just sort of interactive between him and Paul, basically making fun of the fact that there was no audience there.
It was funny that the jokes fell flat and he was like, basically, it's like, you know, shame there aren't 500 people here to listen to this quality television.
Exactly.
That's the way to do it, but they're hyping it up and acting as if there's this huge audience.
You're not addressing the elephant in the room, which is an elephant with a sign on it that says, your show sucks.
It's an elephant walking by with a sign behind Colbert that says, watch Tiger King!
Turn this off!
And here's an important note, too, because I'm kind of joking about it, but we're all YouTubers.
They don't stack up well.
They're not doing well.
Their views aren't good.
When you remove the paid views, it's even less.
When you remove the algorithms which favor them because they're advertiser-friendly, it's even less.
One thing we also know about Trevor Noah, horrible, horrible design.
Horrible decor.
What is that?
Is it modern?
Is it contemporary?
I don't know, but he has a pube stash.
I guess he's not gay.
I have no idea.
He could just be the man in the couple.
He could just be gay.
Why are you so prejudiced?
Not all gays are good at design.
That's a positive thing.
That's like assuming that an uncharacteristically high number of them get AIDS, except less accurate.
So this is why when you look at NBC, the parent companies, NBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, Vox, Universal, then ABC is Disney.
Gosh, we've been in lawsuits with all of these companies.
All of them!
Every single one!
He's naming your lawsuits.
My half-Asian lawyer is in digital court right now.
They're all trying to squeeze YouTube and Google, right?
Trying to get them to favor these shows because I think they know that they don't have the stuff to compete.
That's why they want to force shows like this out.
Not just shows like this, but there are plenty.
Take examples like PewDiePie.
Take examples of whoever.
They turn on a camera and start live streaming video games.
And I think there's a race to the middle, right?
There's a split the difference with some pre-produced content, some decent budget, but also, hopefully, talent.
Now, by the way, hit the notification bell if you are not joining Mug Club.
Of course, Mug Club quarantine is the promo code for the month.
But hit the notification bell.
Hit all notifications because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.
And do subscribe to Crowder Bits because that will be uploading a lot of content.
A lot of extra stuff over there.
This month.
Here's something else that I think it's really showcased.
Not only how unfunny they are.
I mean, I don't think we need a coronavirus to pull back the curtain on Samantha V. It's not a big reveal.
No, I don't think so.
If anything, for her, it's an improvement.
Yeah.
It's the best show she's done in a while.
Well, because no one's watching, is what I'm saying.
It's an improvement because if a horribly unfunny diversity hire screams alone in a forest... So, as their production value has gone down, and they don't respect their audience, We adore you.
We genuinely do.
We are so grateful.
They've also become lazier, and this is a civil lining, in hiding their political bias.
So Kimmel had former presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg on to host his show initially when they were concerned about the Chinese virus.
Here you go.
Now this is a strange night for us, not only because this is my first time hosting a talk show, because we're doing it without a regular studio audience.
Due to public health concerns over the coronavirus, we've cancelled the studio audience tonight.
Let's do this together.
Who's with me?
Here's his big joke, watch.
Full disclosure, none of those people are here.
But when you don't have a real audience, you have to fake one.
Just like Trump's inauguration.
Big toothy smile.
Screw you, Pete.
Screw you hard.
Screw you hard with someone else's pecker is my point.
I want nothing to do with you.
Not anyone here.
It is so bad.
But think about this.
Why would you have Pete Buttgig on if not for the fact... They're just trying to push a political agenda right now.
They used to try and obfuscate a little bit.
No, no, no.
We're just going for comedy.
Really?
Okay.
So you're a late night show and you're just chasing comedy and you thought Sub-host Pete Buttigieg.
That is like, we used to know like stand-up comics in the road who would have the most horrible opener just to guarantee job security.
Either that is what's going on, or Jimmy Kimmel actually thinks Pete Buttigieg is funny.
Or he's pushing a political agenda.
You decide which one is more offensive.
None of them are good.
None of them are good options.
And now here you go.
Is this another Kimmel?
Yeah, that's right.
He's been interviewing people from his home.
And here you go.
He is again at one point just trying to say, well, it's not about left or right.
It's about being a human as he cries about Cecil the Lion.
Now he's basically been helping Biden tape awkward campaign commercials.
That's what it's become.
Joe Biden.
What's that hat you have on?
New York Mets.
It's supposed to be opening day.
Opening day.
That was like the Saw character.
I'll tell you what, but it's a way to be able to sleep with my wife.
She's a Philly girl.
She likes the hat.
Do you think Trump will debate you or do you think he will try to dodge that?
I don't know.
I hope we debate.
I'm looking forward to that.
I don't think you are, Joe.
I don't think you and your plucked-off-a-cheshire-cat-alarm-clock mouthpiece really want to debate Donald Trump.
It is remarkable to me.
It's like a cartoon.
By the way, that's what I get if I want to sleep with my wife.
She's a nine-year-old Philly girl.
I mean, she's a girl.
She's a girl from Philly.
What?
What happened?
Why'd I stop?
Again.
It is remarkable to me that in all this... I mean, why don't they have Donald Trump on?
They could have had a lot of people.
I don't care if they're chasing the funny.
I don't care.
But listen, can we be honest here?
Whether you agree with President Trump or not, by every available metric, it's going to be a funnier show with Donald Trump than it's going to be with Joe Biden.
If you agree with him or if you don't, he's way funnier than him.
It's going to be funnier.
Well, and I get, like, these guys are doing something that's a little bit different from what they're used to, right?
And basically, they're saying that we're the best, but they have all the budget, they have all the staffers.
You take away all of that, and you find out they're not the best.
Do they need some reps to get there?
Because it seems like they have no sense of timing, they have no sense of what's funny and what's not, when there's nobody in the room.
Like, do you think this will get better if it goes on?
Or will it just continue to reveal how bad they are?
No, I don't think it'll get better.
I think that they really believe this is sort of a gimmick.
Like, it's like they just discovered raw content.
Like the podcast is new to them.
Look, I never even just watched an old rerun of Dick Cavett.
Like, this is new.
It's raw.
It's what the people want.
It's what the people want if it's conversational with someone interesting.
This is another problem with every time Dick and Harry has a podcast.
Like, man, we just let the mics, and we just talk.
OK, but there should be a selection process before that.
I don't think that there should be gatekeepers in media, because we've talked about this.
Of course, I'd never be able to host on any main network, and of course, conservatives just told me for a long time that conservatives don't like comedy.
So we started doing this show, and thank God we found you, and we are supported not by a foreign caliphate, but you with the mugs.
Promo code quarantine, $30 off.
So I don't know.
I have no idea how, if they're able to accurately assess their capabilities, or if they think this is good.
I don't know how they could think this is good.
I mean, maybe do it once like that, and it's like, okay, it's raw, it's funny, but then get better.
And if you don't get better, you've gotta go, okay, we just can't do this.
John Danaher once said, it's hard to get out of bed at six in the morning when you're sleeping in silk sheets.
And I don't think their silk sheets are going with Jimmy Kimmel.
It could be rubber sheets.
I don't know.
But I don't think they have the motivation because they've been surrounded by sycophants their whole lives, or at least for the last decade.
Yeah, well, and they all act as if it's this clever, interesting take on things, but everybody's doing the same thing.
It's called the Internet.
Yeah, they're all broadcasting from their phones or holding up their laptops, walking around their house.
And yeah, so again, they act as if this is some discovery that they've made.
Right.
And something else, too, let's go to.
He's not a late night host, but you know he wants to be.
That's right.
I feel like a carnival barker guessing someone's weight, because it's always different every broadcast.
With Brian Stelter, here he is having Stephen King on with the chyron when real life is even scarier than fiction.
Let's watch this.
Stephen, thank you for being here.
I wonder what you say about an experience where we might be living through something scarier than fiction.
Well, actually, I did imagine it.
I've heard a lot about that.
It's three or four weeks, people are saying to me, we're living in a Stephen King world and all I can say is, boy, I wish we weren't.
Really?
This is a Stephen- Hold on a second.
This is a Stephen King world and truth is stranger than fiction.
We're talking about a virus that is, at this point, at the point of this recording, nowhere near the magnitude of a rough flu season.
You had a film with a rapist clown!
That's true.
And the stand where 99% of humanity dies.
There are like 300 people left.
We're equating that with the sniffles?
And the reason they are is because they want to blame it on Donald Trump.
They want to act as though, well this is actually worse than the stand.
This is actually worse than it.
That's right, that's what it was called.
This is worse than it, because it's Donald Trump's fault.
No mention of China, by the way.
If Stephen King wants to talk about some sinister plot, some world order, some global conspiracy, how about the people who lied about the virus in the first place and killed the guy who tried to blow the whistle?
Couldn't that deserve a few pages in there?
Couldn't you include it in the foreword?
Stephen King?
Somewhere?
He writes them as he goes.
That's right, he writes them as he goes, and he doesn't know how they end, which is why he's done nothing good outside of the Shawshank Redemption and potentially the Green Mile.
Prison, really, that's where he belongs.
Stephen King is prison.
Send him to prison, and we'll get another good Stephen King novel.
That's not too much to ask.
Well, listen, we've thrown out rule of law.
We've thrown out individual rights and freedoms right now because everyone wants to give it up because of a cough at this point with a mortality rate of under 1%.
So, you know what?
Why don't we just give Stephen King the Dinesh D'Souza treatment?
Put him in a federal prison.
I mean, all Dinesh did was give $5,000, $10,000 to a friend's senatorial or congressional campaign who didn't even win anyway.
Let's just send Stephen King to prison.
I bet you he'll come up with a Shawshank 2.
Which, by the way, May not be as derivative as the original Shawshank as it relates to Escape from Alcatraz.
It was the same film!
It was better done, but it was the same film!
Going through the wall, emptying the little concrete, the plaster, through the hole in the pockets, a white guy and a black guy.
It was Escape from Alcatraz.
That's what Shawshank Redemption was.
That being said, I liked it.
I didn't like it or it too.
How long have you been holding on to that?
I haven't been holding on to a whole lot, but when I see him looking like an angry lesbian salon artist, it makes me... It just brings it out of you.
And this is... He did look partly dead in that scene.
I'm sorry.
He had that, like, grayed over everything, so... He's always that way.
He just looked bizarre.
He looked like every... I knew... When I would know angry middle-aged French-Canadian lesbians, they all had that gray hair with kind of the bangs that came over, like, here, like the little colic.
And it should be noted, too, that he's very feminine.
That's true.
He's very feminine, but in all the bad ways.
He's not voluptuous.
He's not mysterious.
He's not attractive.
He's just naggy and curt.
No redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Who do you think stacks up the best out of all these shows?
I want you to tune in for a little bit.
I'm sorry, just a little bit.
Flip through CNN, Fox News, ABC, NBC, CBS, all the late night shows, and tell me who you think is doing the best job adapting right now.
This is important because it's not the strongest animal that survives.
It's the animal who can most effectively adapt.
And we've consistently tried to do that and be ahead of the curve, not because we're afraid of going away, but because we really do live to serve you guys.
We always think, hey, listen, we have been supported from the ground up from viewers.
You have created this show.
We weren't thrust upon you by a network who decided to put us on a time slot that people were watching anyway.
And so we've had to earn our keep.
We've had to earn your viewership.
These people don't.
Now you see how lazy they are.
And that's why, of course, we're offering this month, the whole month, It's free Mug Club month.
Hashtag Mug Club Quarantine.
We're doing Monday through Thursday evening shows available on YouTube in front of the paywall.
We're adding three shows a week.
You can go to livewithcreditor.com, schedule every Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
The whole month of April, 10 a.m.
Eastern, and Crowder Bits, Apple.
We are trying to give you as much content as possible, and I appreciate a lot of you saying, you know, look out for your health.
I am treating it like two-a-days.
I am sleeping right, I am eating right, and I'm very, very unhappy, but as long...
As I am serving you, because all you have... The reason we're doing this is because I watch Late Night religiously.
I have to.
You don't know how dark it's inside my head sometime, okay?
And so because of that, I was going, this is all everyone has out there?
We have to give them more.
And so we're going to give you everything we have this month because I know a lot of you are out of work.
I know a lot of you run businesses that may not open up again anytime soon.
And so if I have to work 12, 14, 16 hour days for a month, you know what?
I'll take it if it helps you guys.
And then I'll have a long weekend.
It is Mug Club Quarantine, promo code quarantine, $30 off.
These people are really bad.
Let's go to Life Advice, where we can help some other people.
My knee hurts.
Please.
Tough Love!
With Guru Crowder.
Yes.
I am glad to be with you as I was just before that.
I'm not.
Glad to be back.
No.
Um.
I am not a doctor, because screw them.
Honestly.
I'm a guru.
That being said, if you need a doctor for whatever reason, if you are thinking of anything, any kind of help that would require the help of a medical professional, of course I am not qualified to dispense that sort of advice or prescriptions.
So stop asking.
Yeah, stop asking.
We can't handle it.
I can't get you the Xannies.
Or the Perkies.
No one says Perkies anymore.
Is that old?
It's called Perks.
Perks?
Perks.
I don't have any of the Xannies or Perks.
Or Ludes.
Or any of the Oxen.
They don't even make those.
I'm kidding.
I don't have any Oxen.
Pretty much, as far as all of the beasts of burden, I am fresh out.
I do appreciate that someone wrote, Sincerely, Mug Club member.
Thank you, because that's all that matters.
I recently had a family event, and my mother-in-law fell and severely hurt herself.
We all had the immediate same thought.
Like, only if it's funny when it starts broken bone and torn ligaments.
But see, that doesn't necessarily negate the funniness.
Someone can be hurt and you only see it afterwards.
It's true.
This happened to my mom.
Really?
Well, she at my house and broke herself.
Was it funny when it happened?
Well, we were not laughing.
Okay.
She did afterwards, though.
She did afterwards.
And then realized she broke her knee.
Whoops.
Is she okay?
Yeah, she had surgery.
What kind of surgery did she have?
I don't know.
There's something, it was like a... Knee surgery.
He wins.
She had a lobotomy.
Exactly.
Hey mom, what kind of surgery did you have?
She just turns around and she has an ear in her nose.
I don't know.
Oh gosh.
Go back!
Control Z!
Alright.
She told everyone that she fell while leaning to pick up my child, knocking my child over in the process.
However, another relative from my side of the family witnessed her fall and said she was holding my child, who was 11 months old.
My mother-in-law is 300 pounds and is not allowed to watch my children.
After two years of safety issues, poor discipline, and a general disrespect for my husband and me as parents, my relative does not know any of this and has no reason to lie.
She brought me my crying child and did say that my mother-in-law fell on my child immediately after the incident.
I am unsure if there was another witness to the incident and do not want to bring this to everyone's attention because I have not told my husband.
Do I bring this to his attention or just let it go?
Her holding my child explains how she injured herself so badly.
But do I gain anything by bringing this to light or will it just upset my husband?
Keep in mind she guilt trips him all the time about not being allowed to watch her kids.
Blames the decision entirely on me.
We made the decision together and held off because we knew the blowout would be enormous.
Did not take any responsibility for her behavior and decisions.
She has literally said I don't know why she doesn't want me to watch them and has yet to address any of her grievances with me.
This incident does not help her cause.
Okay.
Wow.
So it sounds to me like it was funny.
So that's the bottom line here.
There was humor.
I will say that this one is, it's not easy to execute.
Kill your mother-in-law.
It's not easy to live out, but it's an easy solution.
Kids come first.
Yeah.
Kids come first.
And negligence can still be abuse.
Yeah.
In this case.
Or even neglect, let's take it another step further, can be abuse.
Ignorance can be a form of abuse.
So intent doesn't really matter here if your mother is a danger to people.
Yeah.
And I would just explain that to her, if she's a danger to people.
Mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law, sorry.
I would just explain if she's a danger to your children, she can't be around your children.
Or, you know what, maybe split the difference, and she can hold your kids if you're supervising.
Cause that is something important to her.
She does want to have, and maybe if she has a problem with you and your husband, um, she may not have a problem with your kids and she could be a great grandma.
I've known people like that.
So safety first, I wouldn't leave her in a room unsupervised with your kids.
Just like, by the way, never leave a kid you, a kid with a dog you don't know unsupervised in a room.
Right.
Some people think, like, oh, my kid gets along with my dog.
That's true.
But I see parents do this all the time.
Some people do it, too.
They've done it with Betty.
They did it with Hopper.
Thank God that, obviously, they're fine.
But that being said, I would sit there and go, like, I cannot imagine this.
I cannot imagine being a parent and leaving my child with a dog that I don't know that well, especially a dog the size of Hopper or Betty.
So I'm consistently amazed sometimes at some of the decisions that parents make that my parents were very clear on.
Like, I always knew that my safety came first.
Yeah.
That's what comes first with your mother-in-law.
I don't know.
It's going to be hard.
She's not going to like it, but I would be as straightforward as possible.
You absolutely have to bring this to your husband's attention because your mom fell on your kid.
For sure.
I mean, it's a tricky situation in the execution of making sure I know.
Of the mom.
Of making sure that this takes place.
So the answer is absolutely true.
You have to take the kid's safety first.
But then the next part comes.
If she's blaming you for this, that means your husband has got to do a better job of communicating with his mom.
This is not my wife being mean or cruel.
This is us saying that this is a dangerous situation.
Mom, your son, me.
I am saying I don't want you watching our kids by yourself because.
We love you, we want you to be around the kids, but these are unsafe situations and unless we can mitigate those, we can't do this.
There has to be a very adult conversation.
It seems like he needs to step in the way a little more and make sure that she's not being blamed.
Like, well that evil wife of yours is just not wanting me to see the kids.
That's what it feels like from what she said.
Yeah.
So I think he needs to do a better job of getting in the way of that.
I also, this is just a personal belief, I think that a lot of folks in family, see it as just sort of a rite of passage.
Like, well I'm a grandparent now, therefore I get to do X, Y, Z. Whatever I want to.
No, you don't.
You don't.
You still need to be looking out for the safety of the child and the parents still have the right to make those calls for the same reason if you're a heroin addict and you're a grandparent, you don't get to be in the children's life.
Sometimes the parents have different standards than you do.
Sometimes the parents want to raise your children differently than you do.
That is their, whether it's right or wrong, and in this case I'm not saying that the parents are wrong, but sometimes they can be wrong, that still is their right and you have to make do as a grandparent.
Or give up being with the grandkids.
Right!
You know, you've got choices there.
Yeah, sometimes people just think, well, I'm a grandparent, therefore, no.
Kids should obviously respect all of their elders, including their grandparents.
It's not the child's job to keep you in line at all.
Okay, let's be clear about that.
But it is the parent's job to set boundaries and let you know what is and what is not okay.
And in this scenario, not knowing all of the history, I mean, this is a physical danger to your child.
Yeah, 300 plus pounds and having issues with falling and this isn't the first time and all that, I wouldn't do it.
Now that being said, you also have to be objective.
If this is a 300 pound woman who wants to hold your baby while she's sitting and you're in the room, if you're not comfortable with it, that's no longer a safety issue because if she's sitting, she has good base, okay?
She's not, she's, it's no longer a physical danger.
Three points of contact at least.
So you need to be consistent.
You need to be consistent in how you communicate.
In other words, you can't say, like, well, it's a safety issue.
She goes, well, fine.
I'll sit down and I'll put the baby in a brace.
And you're like, well, no.
She's like, well, she's going to try and corner you.
Say what you mean and be consistent.
Decide what the rules are, draw the boundaries, and make sure you stick with them.
But being less than straightforward isn't going to help because it's just going to create more miscommunication down the line.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.
Next one, here we go.
Dear Guru Crowder, Audio Wade, Gerald, and Quarter Black.
In parentheses though.
I mean, I'm not even sure what that means.
I don't know.
I know exactly what it means.
I don't.
It might as well be a less than.
I don't know what that is, sir.
I lost my dad at a fairly young age.
I was 20, my dad was 50.
Talking to him has always given me peace.
Is that a bad thing?
To him is in quotes, I'm not sure what that means.
He is the best friend I ever had.
Is there a chance you all can really expand on the spiritual aspect of things?
My father was cremated, unfortunately.
That's a totally different family issue, but his ashes stay on my nightstand.
I am nearing 30, have three children, and nobody seems to be able to accept, acknowledge, Or be able to help me move on during my darkest days.
I often feel like I'm dying without him to be with him.
P.S.
Give Betty cheese, please.
That happens.
Betty doesn't love the cheese as much as Hopper.
And she's also learned a lot.
Thank you very much!
I think as well.
So, anyway.
That's tough when you lose a parent.
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's a really difficult process.
I think it's been almost a decade since that, based on some of the stuff that I saw in the letter that I didn't read, I think it's almost about a decade since that happened.
I don't know that you ever fully recover, but you obviously move closer and closer to getting some kind of normal, maybe a little bit of a new normal.
As far as talking to your dad as though he's still present and in the room, there are a lot of times where I think they can be very helpful to to think like that.
But then I also think that there are some times where that can be somewhat detrimental.
It keeps you focused on maybe the past a little bit more and not really living in the present
and being as present of a parent.
You have three children, right?
To be, you are that person to them only in the mother role.
And so I think sometimes it can be a little bit detrimental to hang on to those things.
There's a period of mourning that we have to go through and a period at which we kind of have to move on.
And that's where you get a lot of that healing from when you move on into the normal things of life without forgetting the past and without rejecting it, but putting it in its proper place and saying, I'm honoring the memory of this person.
I remember them fondly.
I think about them.
And when I do, it's good memories.
But I'm also sowing into the now.
I'm sowing into my children and the situations that I'm in and the friendships that I have.
So if it ever gets in the way of that and keeps you from moving on, especially you said you have some really, really dark times, I think it would be helpful to continue through the rest of the process and not stay where you are in the process.
But that's just my take on it.
Well, it depends.
Talking to him as though he's still... I mean, I want to be clear as far as the spiritual side of it.
Your dad can't hear you.
I don't know if anyone here disagrees with me on that, spiritually.
What do you think, Wade?
I don't think he's busy listening to every word you're saying.
Yeah, I don't know that there's any scripture that tells me that people that we are family members with can hear and see what's going on in our lives.
I don't believe that that's true.
And there's a lot that would say otherwise.
Well, I know they can't come back in a spiritual way.
You can't call them back.
You can't communicate with the dead or anything like that.
As far as what kind of view you have from the mezzanine up there on what's going on down here, I have no idea, but I'm assuming it's not that your focus is on earth.
You're in heaven.
That's a great focus to have up there.
I don't, yeah, as far as from a spiritual basis, I see a lot to not only suggest but flat out tell you, as a Christian, that you cannot communicate with anyone who is dead.
No.
Period.
And a matter of fact, I see a lot of prescriptions that are pretty clear, don't do that.
It doesn't say don't do that except for a dead relative, it says don't do that.
Period.
And here's what I will say, though.
A lot of people say that, and I'm like, oh man, and it hurts them.
Let me be really clear.
Do you really think, and this is, I understand where you're coming from to a degree.
I still have both my parents, but I watched my mom lose both of her parents in the span of a year.
And I was very close.
So to give you an idea, actually, I grew up so close to my grandfather.
It's actually not as far from the back of this building to the front of this building right here where I grew up from my grandfather.
Yeah.
So I stayed there all the time.
I was with my grandfather.
When people say a second father, I don't think there would have been more than two days that went by that I didn't see my grandfather for significant amounts of time every day.
He was my favorite person.
Well not the same thing.
That being said, I do think there's a component of this.
Listen, you have children.
You want them to feel this longingly about you when you go away.
You need to focus on your children.
You need to move on for your children.
You need to move on for your husband.
You need to move on for your family.
And when you remove the, and I say this respectfully, the selfish part of the equation, It's a good thing that your dad can't hear you, sweetheart.
I mean that.
It's a good thing.
You don't want your dad looking down right now and seeing you in this much pain.
What could possibly be more torturous for your dead father than looking down and seeing you miserable, unable to do anything because he can't communicate with you?
It may make you feel better, but that would be horrible.
That would be like ripping the heart out of your dad's chest.
So thank Christ, and I mean thank Christ, in that he is very clear that you cannot communicate to the dead, and that when you get to heaven, you are not longing for anything of this world.
And here's the thing, that's a good thing.
That's a good thing that that's the case, because guess what?
As soon as your dad crossed over through those pearly gates, whether figurative or literal, If he were to long for anything of this world, it would be you.
Because I'm sure that he loved you just like you love him.
But he doesn't.
Right now, he is completely fulfilled and at peace, which I know is much harder for you, but it's not hard for your dad.
So spiritually, your dad can't hear you.
Your dad is not, and thank God, your dad is not having all of this sort of offloaded onto him, all of your emotions, because you're still dealing with the fleshly pain and the earthly concerns and desires and turmoil that really, he's long since left behind something else, too.
There's a strong case to be made, and I had a pastor talk about this.
I don't have the verses in front of me.
In heaven, there isn't the same concept of time that we have here.
So as far as your dad is concerned, you're walking through those gates at the same time.
Together.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a very strong case.
Yeah, on a spiritual basis, I feel it's one of those things where people, listen, I know I'm gonna sound like a hippie,
but open your mind.
They go, but wouldn't my dad, like, I love my dad so much.
Wouldn't God want me to be able to talk to my dead, uh, dead grandfather, my dead father?
Hold on a second.
You're trying to put this in a three-dimensional realm where we have a God who is past, present, future, alpha and omega.
You don't understand what heaven is.
You don't know how many dimensions there are.
And you are trying to put this into a box that would be most pleasant for you.
There are new boxes that you could have never even imagined before.
I guarantee you that he is better off than you could ever possibly compute.
And that doesn't include in the equation, as far as what we believe biblically, the ability to communicate with you.
It's not a part of the equation.
The equation is far better than you're giving it credit for.
Yeah.
So this is a lot more difficult for you than it is for him.
And so I think the best thing that you can do is, like you said, take the proper steps to moving on and start focusing on other people first.
It sounds to me like you're a great mom that you care about your kids.
It sounds to me like you have a great family.
I mean, I would imagine that if your dad were here, that would be really important for him, for you to continue with that, not reach out to him.
He can't hear you.
Yeah.
Well, and I think, too, you know, your dad would probably want that for you, right?
Whenever your parents leave this earth, they want you to be able to function and to have a wonderful, joy-filled life with your family or whatever the situation may be with you.
And so, use that as motivation.
Like, what would my dad want me to do right now?
Would he want me to be thinking about the past and living in pain from this situation?
Or would he want me to remember the good things about the time that we had together and move forward and take some of the lessons that I learned and create a legacy that reflects on him as well as me?
I think you're right.
And that's super hard.
In those types of situations, especially at a young age that this person lost, I'm not super young, but young enough, pretty early, it's tough.
But the best thing that you can do is to understand that's the goal.
The goal of being a parent is to raise a child that can live on their own and have a good life, hopefully a life that is better than yours.
That's what your dad would want you to do.
This is one thing I will say, and this is just me going off on my own personal rant, so I appreciate you sending the email, it doesn't necessarily have to do with you, but it kind of is a narcissistic view of heaven.
When people say, like, oh, I know my dad, or I know my aunt, or I know my son is smiling down on me, that's a pretty crappy heaven.
Especially considering that this is supposed to be very temporary, by the way.
This is, this is but a moment when you think about eternity.
This is, this is very much second tier to what goes on there as far as your lifespan, as far as all of eternity, right?
So, we're going to be designing from the ground up for heaven to be right.
Here, right now, this is fall, and people have made all kinds of mistakes, and obviously we understand what the end of the world will, well, we don't understand fully what the end of the world will look like, but we understand there will be an end of the world and there will be a final day of judgment, but the point is, To think that heaven was created for this very temporary space known as Earth for people just to sit there and be like, what's going on down there?
Like an aquarium?
They don't care.
If anything, we can't, but we should be concerned with what's going on up there a whole lot more than they could care about what's going on down here.
Yeah, it would be very bad to have a view from heaven to see all the pain on Earth.
Yeah, that's like thinking the headliner should be watching every single warm-up act.
Yeah, it's exactly what I'm thinking.
Oh, is this me?
Okay.
All right.
And I'm sorry to hear of your loss, and I think that, listen, I think, you know, we only see a snapshot into people's lives here, so sometimes we can either see it as we're being blunt or we're being harsh or we're not.
From what I read, it seems like you probably are a fantastic mother, and I think that focusing on that, and also, by the way, I would also test us on this.
Read up on theology.
See if you believe, if you can find any justification.
Look to the scripture that your father is able to communicate with you.
And if you think that we're wrong, then let me know why.
But speak with spiritual advisors, people whose spiritual counsel you trust, and go to the book.
And I think you'll find more peace once you actually get definitive answers.
Okay, Dear Amazing All-Knowing Guru Crowder and Gerald C. Oh, not even me?
That's true.
Work on your lamp rake.
Now you know how I feel.
My wife's grandfather passed away three weeks ago, and we haven't had sex since.
Oh.
There's a loaded freight!
Holy moly.
Okay, hold on.
Death and sex.
Yeah, exactly.
Who is we?
Is this like Weekend at Bernie's?
Gosh.
My wife's grandfather passed away three weeks ago, and we haven't... I assume you mean you and your wife.
Right.
My wife's grandfather...
You sound like my grandfather doing a crossword puzzle.
Who is the Lone Ranger's horse?
Keeping it simple, how long should I expect to wait before asking or bringing it up and seeming like an inconsiderate a-hole?
Too late.
I understand the grieving process is different for every situation, but I also don't want it affecting our marriage or should I just continue to go take care of business myself?
It's been three weeks.
We heard of you ready.
You can hold it.
Okay, thanks.
One frustration.
Let me just tell you that you are an inconsiderate a**hole.
Just a wee bit.
This is tough love.
This is not easy love.
If you want easy love, that's a different show.
I understand that you have needs.
But I don't care that much.
And that being said, if you go take care of it yourself, which one would presume there's probably some level of that, I don't think your wife would hold it against you rather than rubbing up against her leg.
Jesus, man.
Alright, so let's talk about needs.
Seriously, right?
So he says in his letter he has a higher sex drive and that this is a thing that they have to work on.
Okay, so you have a need right now.
You have a need to be intimate with your wife.
Your wife has a need.
In other words, this is a pre-existing issue.
Yes, it is.
Something they already knew about.
Pre-existing.
I'm going to say what Milton Berle told a young Richard Pryor.
Pick your spots, babe.
She has a need right now as well.
She has a need for you to be there, to be with her for whatever grieving process.
And it's not the dick.
It's not, yes.
She doesn't need the D. She doesn't need your 27 second rodeo, okay?
She's not looking for that right now.
What she's looking for is her husband to be there and to say, look, I know that this goes beyond that.
Now at a certain point, You guys do need to come together, right?
Because it is good for a relationship not to be apart.
Like the Bible says, okay, depart for a time, but not for too long, because that's a problem sometimes.
Because eventually this guy could go to pornography, and we've talked about that in previous things.
So anyway, I do think you need to, don't be selfish when it comes to sex.
I know three weeks sounds like a long time, especially for somebody in y'all's age bracket that you listed, but understand that she's going through something difficult.
Don't be selfish when it comes to sex, and I would also say this, women understand that you bear part of the responsibility as well.
Yeah.
You cannot, if this is a pre-existing issue, obviously these are extreme circumstances where you had a death in a family, but I see a lot of women who think, well, especially, and I hate to say this, but especially in the church with conservative women, like, well, he should be able to control himself.
You're playing with fire if you just, because you don't have a sex drive, you're not having sex with your husband, you know, going weeks without it.
You are playing with fire, and you are deciding to try and use, whether knowingly or unknowingly, a biological function of a man.
And by the way, this is also something how married couples become closer.
Don't do it.
I'm not absolving women of responsibility, because obviously the man should have some self-control.
But if you do not have sex with your husband repeatedly, well, he should learn.
Listen, I don't know what you expect to happen.
Yeah.
Scripture says not to give place to the devil, I believe.
My first question is, has he tried?
Like rubbing up against your leg repeatedly?
Three weeks and they're not kissing or there's no contact?
I will say three weeks seems like a long time.
It does seem like a long time.
It seems like he would at least make an advance and does she just go, no?
What could also be he's intimidated because of the pre-existing problem.
I have no idea.
It's been three weeks since like... You can talk about it too.
Was it their parent that died?
No, grandparent.
Grandparent, okay.
I think you talk about it.
Yeah, it's pretty weird.
Look, I think you talk about it.
I think you say, hey, this is an issue right now that we need to talk about.
I understand you're in a grieving period.
Can we talk about when?
Yeah, talk.
It takes some of the romance out of it.
It sounds to me like this might be an issue more so with you because this is something that's been going on for a while.
Because if three weeks was atypical, you'd say, well, this is for a season.
I understand that she's really upset.
It sounds to me like you're thinking that maybe your wife Sorry, I have the hiccups.
You guys have kids, that's normal.
Yeah.
Well, three weeks.
Kids.
Stop it.
Stop it.
I don't know how that happened with my parents.
I don't know.
They've said so.
They've been very clear about it.
So I don't know.
I don't know.
They keep talking about it.
It's weird.
I'm in that second trimester amazingness.
I think it's just a warning shot over the top.
That's true.
That does happen.
In other words, if there's a mismatch here as far as your sexual expectations and you feel that maybe she's using this as an excuse, then that's an entirely different problem.
That's a communication problem.
And this is a problem that this is something that's very politically incorrect.
It does go both ways.
Men, you need to control yourself if we're going to talk about pornography.
Women, it is a part of your wifely obligations.
What do I mean by obligations?
It's a part of your wifely duties to satisfy your husband sexually if you plan on having a successful marriage.
That does not mean!
If you're holding your c-section scar and all right, that's not what I'm saying.
If you have an inconsiderate husband, that's a problem.
But that being said, if you are looking for an excuse to not engage your husband in sexual activity, you are making a mistake.
Yes.
So I have a question for you guys.
Everybody's married in this room, obviously.
So we read a book.
Sorry, I almost said that y'all weren't.
I almost was like, for those of you who are married, sorry, I used to be the guy not married.
Cool your jets, you're a little new to the club.
Exactly, I know, right?
I know everything, guys, listen up!
No, we read a book that said something that we both thought was pretty interesting, where a couple, and it's a Christian-based book, and they said, look, if I go to my wife, and for some, for whatever reason, right, she's like, no, I'm not, I'm super tired, or just, I'm not gonna be able to because of, you know, whatever, I'm in my head, doesn't matter, whatever it is, they have a 24-hour rule, where they know that, okay, within 24 hours, Surprise sex at any time.
No, but they've agreed for each other to say, look, this is an important enough part of our relationship where it's sacrificing one for the other.
And so I understand that right now is a no, and that's totally fine.
You have to have the ability to say that.
But within 24 hours, unless the party that has approached says, you know what, look, I know we need a little bit more time.
You kill her.
No, you don't.
That's necrophilia then after that.
That's no fun for anybody, Stephen.
Come on.
So anyway, I thought that was a really good rule.
It may be helpful for him to have some kind of rule like this.
She won't stay warm for long.
I will say this.
My wife and I have often mismatched energies as far as a lot of things.
In other words, when I get home from work, I've been working for so long that typically my wife wants to talk about her day.
I'm like, I don't want to talk.
So we have to kind of set some rules like, okay, I get home, you give me at least 10 minutes when I get to the door.
And obviously, you know, for me, like I often work from home.
If I leave here, like I go home, I check our messages.
Okay, what do we need to do as far as titling?
So I'm going to kind of try and wrap some things up.
And then after that is like 10 minutes for me to do some, what do I do to relax?
typically speaking, I'm a very simple man.
Either reading or watching, yeah, cigars, or watching old, like, right now I've been watching
a lot of old boxing videos.
I'm gonna go through phases where I'll read old, sort of like, I'll read some old books or how-to's
or watch some old documentaries.
Right now it's old boxing videos like this.
I've been going through the Duran, Hagler, Hearns, watching every fight, watching every analysis
I can find on the fights, and then reading up on them.
And it's just very interesting to sort of understand this.
I enjoy snippets of history and sort of immersing myself into that world.
Anyway, we have sometimes mismatched energies after work where I don't necessarily want to talk, and sometimes that is sexually.
I will say this, the worst time, I've talked about this on the show, the worst time for sex to me is later in the day.
Yeah.
That's when I'm just swamped.
Like, I wish it was like the afternoon snack time.
Afternoon delight.
That would be the perfect time for me for sex.
Like kindergarten.
I think, by the way, this is something, full disclosure, women who are here, does anyone else have difficulty with Wake up sex, like, right in the morning.
Difficult, you mean, like, it's difficult to do?
It's far more difficult to get into it, to make it happen, immediately upon waking.
Well, hold on.
Do you mean, like, having a willing partner as well?
No, no, no.
I mean, for me, when I wake up, I'm like, I need coffee.
No, no, no.
I'm not that way at all.
I wake up immediately a lot of times.
I'm like, OK, I can do this.
I can make this happen.
For me, it's like a window which is after the gym in the morning and before the end of the workday, which makes it very difficult.
It does.
You should schedule that every day.
We have coping mechanisms.
But you do have to sit down and talk about this.
You do.
And it is a problem that every married couple needs to work out.
A lot of people get uncomfortable with it or they think, well I don't want to schedule sex.
Sometimes you have to because we live.
It helps you get in a rhythm.
It helps you understand the other person and then you get in that rhythm with them.
And the rhythm is going to get you.
It's going to get you there.
I've heard that.
You can handle my rhythm.
I have heard that.
You're right.
Repeatedly.
That was George St.
Pierre.
It was one of his quotes.
He said that?
Yeah, he walked up and he was like, I don't think Matthews can handle my rhythm.
Oh, wow.
And one of those original memes was, the rhythm's gonna get you.
And someone actually did a Gloria Estefan re-dux, but it was, the rhythm's going to get you.
Oh, no.
I just like the buy it with your money energy drink that he did.
With your money.
George St.
Pierre.
What a great athlete.
Alright, so I don't know if we answered your question.
We tried.
Don't try and mount your wife immediately upon her relative's past.
On the flip side, if it's three weeks have gone by and you're not putting out, come on sweetheart.
I thought Wedding Crashers said that you could do the same thing for funerals, you know, like the emotional stage.
Yeah.
It's what the movie said.
Yeah.
It's prescriptive!
I'm white.
That's what you start with.
Wow.
Okay.
That's a lot of problems.
No dear do.
Off the top.
Yeah.
Maybe she should have started off with Sig Hail.
Done.
Whoa.
I have a, yeah, you should get, you know what, you should check your insurance for all that Sig Hail damage.
I am white, I have a baby mama who's half black, and a wife who's from Africa.
Mama is a nightmare, and my wife is an absolutely incredible woman inside and out.
Whoa.
Ooh.
Oh, OK.
Well, he's a surgeon.
All right, she even lets me live in the house.
Huh?
OK, I think it's a joke.
Baby Mama, or BM, as I like to silently call her to myself, accuses me of being racist and buying a slave wife who I can own.
I feel like maybe I'm not the racist one here, but I keep getting told that I'm wrong about that.
And yes, BM is voting for Bernie.
I could really use your sarcasm to help clear this one up for me.
Thank you so much.
First off, I don't really use sarcasm.
Sarcasm is the lazy man's comedy.
It's true.
That being said, sarcasm Isn't going to help clear this up, and what I'm about to offer isn't going to help clear this up.
So, really, you should just close this window, this tab, right now.
Bye.
Move on.
I'm trying to make sense of this.
So, you have a baby mama who's half black and a wife who's from Africa.
Well, Africa is a very large continent.
It is.
South African.
Did I just see a light reflect down here?
I don't think so.
Are we talking Scarlett Johansson?
Not Scarlett Johansson.
What's her name?
Charlize Theron?
Yeah, that's right.
I mean, you could be getting away with some wordplay here.
A little bit.
Where it's a white South African and the other one is half black and you're trying to virtue signal like you're not racist, but really only a white South African.
If she's tribal, though, I mean, this is a different story.
Could be.
I mean, let's assume that you've plucked your current wife straight off the cover of a National Geographic.
His World Vision kit.
Africanbrides.com.
Let's assume that you are supporting your current wife at the price of less than a cup of coffee per day.
And that's great!
Fantastic.
Who knew?
And then your other baby mama is half black.
I don't really think it should matter.
I mean, I don't know what you really... Who cares?
Yeah, you racist.
He's being accused of being a racist and owning a quote-unquote slave wife, so that makes me think the Africa wife is black.
Otherwise it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.
No, I know.
I was just being difficult.
I was trying to clarify.
Here's what matters.
What matters is the child in that case, right?
Because you're saying, baby mama, so you have a child with this woman.
So what matters is what's best for that child.
And what's best is for you and the mother to be civil to the best of your abilities.
Now that being said, If you can't be civil without completely abandoning all of your principles or everything that you stand for, that's not best for the child, either, because they're just going to see a weak-willed father who doesn't stand up for what's right.
So it's not really that hard of a balancing act.
You need to be respectful and honoring of the BM, as you call it.
Let's probably stop with that abbreviation there.
He said silent in his head, which I'm cool with.
OK.
That's fine.
Unless your kid has ESP, in which case none of this applies to you.
Honor the mother, respect the mother, make sure that you don't talk badly about the mother to your child, and make sure that your child sees an example of a good, strong father.
Your child is going to be smart enough to see if you are a racist or not.
Okay, so how about this?
I know what you just said.
The BM is voting for Bernie Sanders.
Yeah.
Make fun of Bernie Sanders and make sure the child knows that the BM is voting for Bernie Sanders.
Is that okay?
That is underhanded conniving, and I endorse.
Because you're honoring the mom.
Like, you've never said a bad word.
You've only said bad things about the candidate she chooses to think is viable.
OK, do you want me to give you the answer here?
There's the right thing to do.
Give us the real thing.
Come on.
There's the right thing to do, which I've just clarified.
The fun thing.
Give us the fun thing.
Now, I've often thought about this.
If I just threw caution to the wind, I couldn't care less about the right thing.
The most effective thing to do would be to simply Comment on Bernie Sanders in a very reasonable, but clearly loaded way.
That might go over a child's head, but be caught perfectly in the catcher's mitt by your baby mama, and watch her flip out, and then to your daughter's... Wow.
You see?
It's not the right thing to do.
But it would work.
He needed a little sarcasm.
We gave him comedy.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, this is a tough situation.
It is.
But doing the right thing is still doing the right thing.
Honor the mom.
Make sure the kid honors the mom.
Make sure the kid sees you ensuring that the mother is respected by the child.
Make sure that there's never any doubt in the child's mind that if there's a difference of opinion between the child or mom, that you will take the side of mom regardless of the new wife.
Unless it's burning.
And I would imagine you want your child to have a good relationship with your current wife.
Yeah.
So, what do you think will be most effective and what do you think is the right thing to do to make sure that your baby, your child, wants to spend more time with you and your current wife?
And I would behave that way.
There you go.
I think it's easy enough.
Yeah.
I mean, we solved all these problems.
That's pretty nice.
And you know, when the child walks in, just play some of our videos on Bernie Sanders.
Let him play in the background.
We'll do it for you.
A Mug Club subscription.
Get him a Mug Club.
I mean, I think it's him.
I don't know if I... I'm also very self-serving.
Yeah, maybe two Mug Club subscriptions.
Maybe two, yeah.
There's no added value in this scenario unless you're playing them one with a slight delay.
There you go.
So that they're sort of talking over each other like you have a phone on Sprint.
Just have the videos at the ready when the BM comes to pick up the child.
Yeah, but I mean, you know, the one thing is you hear all these horror stories about step-parents.
Yeah.
And it's like, you don't want to be that person.
No, not at all.
A child doesn't necessarily know, they don't know anything about politics, and they don't necessarily know what's right, but they know how they feel.
Yeah.
And so, do what's right and make sure that you find a way to frame doing what's right that feels as attractive, as magnetic to your child as possible.
You want to be someone your child wants to be around, especially as they go into their teenage years.
And they just happen to drop in, you know, socialism doesn't work every once in a while.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Just teach them right things.
And anybody who thinks it does is usually a pretty stupid person.
This also may be a good spot, you know, if your wife, for example, if your current wife, who's from Africa, I don't know her political leanings.
And I also don't know, does this person specify if their child is a boy or a girl?
I didn't see it.
I said boy a minute ago, I don't know.
But if the child is a girl, this would be a good thing for your wife to really become friends with.
And your wife, by the way, is not burdened with all the same responsibilities of being the mother, because your child has a biological mother.
So this is a scenario where your wife can kind of be a friend, right?
Parents don't get to be buddies, but your wife kind of does.
So your wife can be friends, of course, while obviously still having a respectful relationship and respect for authority, but your wife can be friends with this child and can also express what she was raised with in Africa and the corruption with those systems of government, speak to it firsthand.
So these are conversations that can be had that don't need to feel like loaded sort of political indoctrination.
That's what my parents did.
They didn't indoctrinate me, but they made me think about all these issues.
They would ask me, well, what do you think about that?
What do you think about those taxes?
What do you think about the health care that you received?
What do you think about abortion?
Why?
They would ask me those questions and your wife may be a really valuable, sounds like she's a gem, may be a really valuable asset here because she doesn't have the same burdens associated with her as you do as a biological father.
Yeah, exactly.
Don't use the kid.
But I'm glad that you found a good woman.
I'm sorry about the baby mama.
You don't sound racist to me.
Nope.
And good for you, taking the tribes ladies from the Hutu Plains.
Nice job.
All right.
Better life.
We're going to go.
I believe tomorrow is either a... It's a something or other.
I think it's a scrapyard show with maybe a guest.
I'm not sure, but it's gonna be fun.
Hey, if you enjoyed this show, subscriber, hit the notification bell.
It's cold in here, so I'm covering my nips.
Hit all notifications on the notification bell, because apparently subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.
Look, they're playing in boxes.
Is that what's happening in Court of Blackout?
There are videos playing in boxes.
You should click one of them.
Maybe one of them's a mystery box.
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