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Oct. 27, 2018 - Louder with Crowder
01:34:54
#408 SPOOKTACULAR AT U of MICHIGAN! #CrowderUofMTakeover | Louder With Crowder
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Time Text
Sorry.
Wow.
How are you, Senator?
I am doing terrific.
What the actual hell?
Why is a man in a woman's restroom?
You're gonna have to leave.
Steven Crowder is a self-styled comedian.
Because that's bullshit!
Bill Cosby says that being declared a sexually violent predator is going to damage his reputation.
Not available for comment were all the women that he raped.
Hold on, you're f***ing me!
Those guys are dicks.
Nailed it!
I disagree.
Would you like to change my mind?
Wouldn't it be great if men didn't rape?
Yeah!
Hello, this is Canada.
TINGLEY UP MOTHERFUCKER!
Time to listen up you silly liberal fruitcakes.
Is he gonna check his privilege?
That's not going to happen.
All right, U of M!
You tell them Crowder's coming and Hell's coming with me, you hear?
Hell's coming with me!
Yeah, yeah.
Ha, ha.
Make some noise, U of M. Come show them some love.
Welcome to Louder With Crowder.
All you gangsters and free speech thugs, show them hands, let me sneak them mugs.
Hey now, welcome to Detroit City.
I said welcome to Detroit City.
Every place, everywhere we go.
Yeah, they bitch trying to ban our show.
But it's going down in Detroit City.
Louder with crowder in Detroit City.
Ooh.
Uh, Ann Arbor's, uh, it's not really the same.
Like, what do y'all mean?
Like, well, like, they don't really like to be associated... They don't like to be associated with Detroit.
Not at all.
Yeah, okay, but isn't it, like, like a suburb, yo?
Nah, no, not really.
No, they don't feel that way.
I mean, they have, like, their own zip code.
734!
I believe, right?
Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah.
I mean, it's really kind of its own... It's kind of its own thing.
I guess I had the wrong zip code, but we comin' now to do our show.
I said, welcome to Ann Arbor City.
It's not Detroit, it's Ann Arbor City.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
It's Detroit's two syllables.
Ann Arbor is three.
I see.
Yeah, it's two.
It's hard.
It's only two.
I see the problem.
A2!
Yeah, all the locals, they call it A2.
Yeah, I mean, that's right.
It's like Ann Arbor.
That's two.
So it's A2.
Hey now, welcome to A2 City.
I said welcome to A2 City.
Every place, everywhere we go.
Yeah, they want, try to ban our show.
But we're here now in A2 City.
Louder, we're prouder in A2 City.
Click, click, boom!
Get to zone as I hit the room!
You can hear me holla more club in this bitch!
Let me hear you holla more club in this bitch!
Let me hear you holla more club in this bitch!
So who you gonna call on when you wanna have a laugh with me?
And to tell you that ain't nothing to get me funny, gotta apologize now like a motherfuckin' punk!
That curtain's off at the power center now.
From A to Trick Trick, quick come and show off.
Bring the mug scum, join the club, buy em out front.
Drink the punk stuff in this bitch bin and I jump cause they chumps.
And we may have to let their ass off.
Now uh, don't it seem a little fishy?
And I don't like the way these trainers keep screaming at me.
But U of M gets me.
If their boys went up to win, I'd see a water tower.
Yeah, I see it all up looking like a penis.
Come on U of M, let me see them hands in the sky.
Free speech in and up until we die.
All you gangsters and free speech thugs.
Throw them hands and we show them mugs.
Hey now, welcome to A2 City.
I said welcome to A2 City.
Every place, everywhere we go.
Yeah, they whine, try to ban our show.
But we're here now in A2 City.
Louder with Crowder in A2 City.
I'm the trucker, it's the producer, I'm a quarter black.
I think it's time to hear what all my quarter n****s say.
Oh no!
What the f*** is wrong with you?
Dude, don't do the hard arm!
Dude, don't do the hard arm!
It's 8-2!
It's 8-2, bro!
Let's eat too!
You of them, put your mugs in the air for...
Steven Crowder!
Woo!
Woo!
Yeah!
Pump it!
Woo!
I'm gonna eat you man, after that spill!
Woo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, you got it.
That is going to be a very uneven MAGA helmet.
Oh, you know.
Oh, University of Michigan, glad to be here!
Woo!
Woo!
All right, and let's let them hear you in the overflow room.
They couldn't get tickets, but they are waiting there at Pierpoint Commons.
What is it?
Yeah, Pierpoint Commons.
Yeah, man.
They're like, we don't love them that much.
Oh, you know.
For people watching on YouTube, you guys can grab a seat.
You don't have to stand this whole time.
What are you, the Raelians?
Yeah.
I'm not- Oh man.
Oh, man.
I'm not going to be passing around a cup everybody passes out after this.
You can sit.
It makes me very uncomfortable.
If you stay standing like that, it gives the protesters every reason to show up, OK?
We are streaming live.
Question obviously not only to you guys, but everyone out there on YouTube.
Obviously a lot of talk about bombs lately.
No one here supports that, I'm pretty sure.
Unfortunately, the blame game is being played.
You've seen this from Donald Trump's rhetoric to the media.
What do you think?
Do you think the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of the guy who sent the bomb?
Or people?
Or Zs?
I don't know.
Also, if you're on YouTube, a very popular answer is, quote, the Jews.
So that's always...
Yeah.
You can't get around it.
You cannot get around it on the YouTube.
Hey, everyone, really quickly, let me see your phones.
Show your phones.
We have some press here tonight in Ann Arbor.
There you go.
Thank you.
What I want you to do is grab some pictures, Instagram, whatever you want to do.
CrowderUofMTakeover is the hashtag.
Let the press know that you are every bit as much the President of the United States of America today, that you will cover this story.
And, uh, we have a promo code.
U of M. You get $30 off Mug Club if you join up.
Blog.org.com slash Mug Club.
For people who don't know, if any Mug Clubbers in the house?
And we'll be talking a little bit later, a dive-in segment.
I think they call it now.
We always called it a meat segment about college conservatism.
The statistics might surprise you.
But leading the news, we have to talk about this.
First, President Trump held a rally in Wisconsin where he addressed the recent bomb scares.
You guys might have seen this.
He called for unity, which I thought was pretty nice.
Many, of course, are immediately accusing him of very quickly pivoting to attacking his political opponents rather than actually unifying.
And given his speech, You know, we have an exclusive clip.
You be the judge.
We want all sides to come together in peace and harmony.
We can do it.
Even lying Ted.
Crazy Bernie.
Folk the Hottest.
She can do it.
And even that lying, filthy whore Hillary Clinton.
She can do it.
No!
Yeah.
No, he doesn't have a hang of it yet.
Don't encourage his behavior.
Wait, hold on, I'm actually receiving word that we have, uh, right now, right now we have breaking footage of the caravan, of course, you know, with migrant children and women seeking a better life here in the United States, uh, we go now to have some coverage.
Yeah, give me one second.
Criminals is everywhere, okay?
Uh, is criminals in here?
I mean, it is.
Right, that almost seems the opposite of what I told you.
Yeah, I would say so, I would say so.
It's almost like I lied to you.
I make no apologies.
Turning to international news, my home country of Canada, where I was raised... Alright.
I love... I love how the one whoo was immediately BOO!
No!
Down!
Shame!
We're conservatives, we believe in shame!
So turning to international news, Canada has already nearly run out of marijuana immediately after legalizing it.
There you go.
Yeah.
There you go.
And uh...
What? No! No!
Oh yeah, baby!
Woo!
Oh, God.
Gotta have the wine of the day, Steven!
Come on, man!
Ladies and gentlemen, Gerald Morgan Jr., At-Key Morgan Jr.
What is this?
What's the wine of the day?
Can you stop with the tea time music for crying out loud?
Hey, I thought it fit.
He's already embarrassed enough.
He's him.
A little Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon that we have here, yeah.
Well, come on!
You said... Wow!
Rules change when you're on a college campus, I guess.
Yeah, no, this is grape juice.
We had to make sure that we, uh... Oh, yeah, yeah.
By the way, everyone, give a round of applause to your campus police here.
They've been doing a fantastic job.
Yeah!
And you never want to speak ill of anyone in blue, but, you know, unlike those sons of bitches at University of Illinois who wouldn't even show up!
Thank you, you man, we appreciate it!
Alright, baby.
Alright, you already stepped on one joke, grab a seat.
Okay.
This is what I do for the show.
Let's try this again.
Too cute Maddie on overlays, by the way.
Isn't she just, she's too cute, it makes me want to throw up.
No!
No, don't encourage it!
I'm throwing up right now.
She needs to age a little bit.
She needs to feel some shame, make some bad decisions, then we can have her on our team.
Yeah.
I threw up in my mouth.
She's just too cute.
Look at that.
It's like, I'm in Cobra Kai?
Damn it, Too Cute Maddie.
OK, turning to international news, Canada.
Nearly run out of marijuana immediately after legalizing it.
Thank you, Too Cute Maddie.
Direct quote, problem started on the first day, said Patrick Wallace.
It's a mess.
Wow.
The supply is just a mess.
He's the owner of a 420 store.
And many of you may not know this.
Gerald knows this because he played football at Notre Dame and spent a lot of time here on Away Games.
Come on.
Go blue!
Let's go, baby!
Woo!
That's worse pandering than Hillary Clinton's, hot sauce!
No, if they win, that makes our victory better.
Quick, what if she says hot sauce and then stab her with a diazepam pen?
Hot sauce!
Hot sauce!
Go blue!
It's like a bird.
Oh, come on.
Now I know why Hillary Clinton does it.
Now I know why she does it.
She's like a bald eagle in an oil spill.
Just, hot sauce!
Hot sauce!
And many of you may not know, but he knows because he played it.
I love also, by the way, that Notre Dame didn't get as big of a boo as the one person from Canada.
That's right, baby.
It's like, Notre Dame, boo!
Canada, boo!
It still is, kind of.
Alright, so many of you may not know this.
You do, because you play a lot of away games here in Ann Arbor.
Actually, Canada followed the municipality of Ann Arbor's lead on marijuana laws.
Which, let's be honest, given the Canadian Prime Minister, really shouldn't surprise anybody here.
Yeah, Mr. City Commissioner?
Yes, I'm happy to say that Canada definitely did follow Ann Arbor's lead.
I can hear you.
Yeah, it seems to be working out really well.
Listen, let me ask you.
Do you find that when people are completely ripped, uh, and you're born, they don't even notice the Muslim rape?
...
I should have cut it earlier.
I do appreciate, though, the laugh at the Dearborn Islamic rape joke, so that'll go far.
Tells me the kind of crowd you are.
Canada gets a boo, that gets a...
We should probably get rid of that camera in his office, by the way.
That's very helpful.
And by the way, listen, I do want to, we're seriously talking about, what's your opinion here on the bombs that have gone out recently?
This is obviously, we don't have a lot of info yet, and I don't know how many of you watch the show, but we typically don't comment on situations where there isn't a ton of info, because you always, almost always end up being embarrassed.
Oh yeah, you gotta wait, you gotta wait for the info.
So Gerald, you go ahead, you take the lead.
You definitely have to wait to get some more information, but I, look, if If it's somebody from our political standpoint and they think that's the way that we're going to advance our agenda, that's not going to work.
Our ideas can stand for themselves.
The Democrats and the Liberals cannot.
I agree.
We don't have to do that.
There we go.
Thank you, Gerald.
Get the hell out of here.
Get out of here.
You're paying for that entire bottle.
I'm putting it on your tab tonight.
Let him hear you, by the way.
They say people like us don't exist.
They talk about the alt-right and crazy conservatives.
by round of applause, who here is against bombs no matter who it is, whether it's the
Clintons, the Obamas.
We don't want anyone on the other side getting hurt.
Except Robert De Niro, maybe a little bit.
A little bit.
Not a lot.
Just a little bit.
Someone like give him a mousetrap, like snap.
Hey, was that a mousetrap for me?
Yeah, it was for you.
You haven't done good work since Cape Fear, you.
Hey.
Switching to entertainment, kind of.
Caitlyn Jenner said that he, she, zee.
I'm just trying to make sure that I get everybody offended right off the bat.
He wants to play a Marvel villain.
This comes from comicbook.com.
Direct quote.
Oh, stop!
Save it for Canada!
No, no, no, seriously.
Save it for Canada or D.C., okay?
Aquaman talks to fish.
Quote from comicbook.com, I want to play the baddest ass lady you've ever seen in your life.
I got the wicked queen or the wicked lady just to do the makeup on the outfit, and I've got the deep voice.
Well, you've got part of that.
So quick to oblige, of course, and jump on the LGBTQ bandwagon, Marvel actually announced their newest supervillain in the Marvel Universe to be Caitlyn Jenner.
Yeah, that makes sense.
That seems, yeah.
Yeah, I can see it.
I see it.
I could see it.
I mean, I'd watch it.
I'd watch, yeah.
I wouldn't.
I would hope you'd have to go through the swinging doors to see that motion picture.
Now, Caitlin's story arc actually, this is a true story, remains a little bit of a mystery, but because of Comic-Con leaks, I don't know any big comic book fans here, but there was some Comic-Con leaks, suggest Caitlin's involvement in the newly announced plotline, Thanos, the intergalactic transphobe, so that seems...
Yeah, yeah.
Almost like it was written for Caitlyn.
I hate to interrupt, but... No!
Get out of here!
No, no, no.
The bathroom.
Do you know where the bathroom is back there?
You don't get one.
It's in my green room.
Clearly what I came out to say is, go blue, baby!
There's a bucket out back.
What the heck?
By the way, Caitlyn Jenner has the power of supersonic speed, telekinesis, and the ability to not go to jail when she runs you over with her car.
So that's a good one.
It's just as good as flying!
I don't know why.
It sounds like a cross of Kevin Spacey and the Joker from the animated series.
Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you guys this.
We are actually honored tonight to be joined by a Supreme Court Justice in the audience.
We don't have to necessarily agree with this person, but none other than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Justice, do we have the Ruth cam available?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, yeah, let's... Oh, hey, shh, shh.
Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh.
All right.
She's sleeping.
Quiet.
Guys, shush.
Everyone be quiet, please.
Thank God you didn't pay for this show.
Be respectful.
By the way, finally, in the final news story, before we get to some more news that we have to get to, PETA has officially claimed cow's milk to be a symbol of white supremacy.
So I want to make sure I get this right.
The group renewed its claim from a 2017 blog post titled, Cow's milk is the perfect drink for white supremacists.
Tweeted a link out recently, this last week, to renew it.
I guess that's how it works.
The National Dairy Association responded Do we have that?
Can we bring that back up?
What was the writing?
Did anyone see if that was German?
Here's the thing, I'm a milk guy.
Yeah, I like milk.
I'm a milk guy.
I'm not on board with PETA.
But I can see how they could argue that the recent Got Milk campaigns were distasteful.
I can understand them.
Yeah.
Ah.
Ah.
That's.
Makes sense.
I get it.
That's dipping into gray territory, it would seem.
Do we have that?
Can we bring that back up?
What was it?
What was the writing?
Did anyone see if that was German?
What is it?
Gray.
Heide Milch?
I don't even know.
I don't know.
That's how the mustache started.
I can't read it.
I can't read it.
Oh, by the way, we're actually, we're getting word of development, uh, with the caravan carrying migrant women and children, as you know, to the United States.
We return to coverage live.
It's criminal in here.
I mean, it is.
Okay.
Yeah.
He doesn't seem like he's much help.
Hey, one thing I did want to tell you guys, I'm really sorry.
You saw in the posters my good friend Owen Benjamin was supposed to be here tonight
But he couldn't make it because he had a family affair to um to it
Ladies and gentlemen, Owen Benjamin!
Owen Benjamin!
So So
So so
so so
wow This town ain't big enough for the two of us.
Actually, as a matter of fact, geographically there is physical room for- I've had enough of your asbestos-laden smug talk.
Fill your tumbler, you suck!
Pfft!
Crowd Cheers!
Piano Music Plays Well now Owen, I just wanted to thank you for that
wonderful performance you put on for these folks.
Crowd Cheers!
Yes!
Well, I think that showed, Owen, from your passionate performance all the way to your perfect Liberace costume.
Now, Owen, have you been following this unfortunate story of the administration wanting to reclassify one's gender to identify with their biological sex?
No.
See, gender exists outside the realm of science.
Well, Owen, gender actually exists outside that simple binary you refer to as boy and girl.
world that also exists outside of that feedback. You see, actually gender can be
expressed in a multitude of ways.
You can be L, G, B, T. There's 57 others, depending on the day.
and you can switch right back, including your sexuality, thanks to the modern phenomenon known as gender fluidity.
Oh, so it's like magic!
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Well, Owen, in a way...
In a way, I suppose it is like magic.
Bye.
But let me tell you, it's not always easy for trannies out there on the range.
No, oh and I'm talking about difficulties that far exceed the silliness of
cutting off one's peck or replacing it with a non-functioning vagina that your
body will forevermore try to close as a wound.
I'm talking about problems for trannies out on the range that live more in the realm of nuance.
Matter of fact, let me tell you a story about a little tranny I knew.
Let me tell you a story about this tranny named Sue.
When I was born, the doctor said it's a boy, but pissing off doctors gave mama joy, so
she put me in a dress and high-heeled shoes.
Yee-haw!
Yo, Pa thought it wrong, cause I still had a dong, and he said little boys shouldn't wear little girl thongs.
Oh, life wasn't easy for a little tranny named Sue.
What happened next?
About junior high, I stopped being a guy.
And if kids had asked why, I'd let out a big sigh.
And I'd just have the school give them the boot.
Yeah, you did!
Well, college got better, though I still had my pecker.
I sure was one hell of a trendsetter!
Free to drop a deuce in the men's or ladies' room.
Yeah, you pinch that deuce anywhere you want to!
I had to apply for a Susan B. loan, even though I still had a bone.
But what do you know?
It turns out I was approved.
I didn't hear that because I was hearing feet.
My hat was falling off!
Your hat falling off?
Right into my own eyeballs!
I'll tell you what, Cowboy Liberace, that's a weird combo.
Let's play me back in.
They threw in even more scholarship money, and they just asked me, please don't sue us, honey!
Oh, life wasn't easy for a little tranny named Sue.
Did you sue him, Sue?
Your name is Sue!
I feel like that's kind of hilarious, if you sued him and- Alright, listen, okay, that's- let's just- let's curb that.
Sorry, I got really excited.
I appreciate the zeal.
But it's making- my hat's about to fall off.
Alright, let's just slow it down.
Let's play me back in.
Well, a man told me, late one night, after 15 good lights, disregarding my height.
Hoo-wee!
You sure are good looking, Sue.
Thank you.
Now, I said just between us, I might have a penis.
Though it's more of a weenus.
And he let out a gasp at my big ol' size 15 shoe.
Damn, that's a big shoe, Sue!
🎵 Well, wouldn't you know, as I began to disrobe and I
started to probe, Turns out he's a transphobe!
Ah, hell, what's a poor tranny to do?
He screamed, you're a man, dragged me back as Dodge Ram, all just because I didn't have a clam.
Oh, life wasn't easy for a little tranny named Sue.
So what'd you do, Sue?
What happens next?
Years went by, and my own little guy, and I knew I'd have to choose how he'd identify, and oh boy, I didn't know what to do.
Well, hormone blockers weren't the answer.
As it turned out, I gave the little bastard cancer.
Life won't be easy for a second-generation tranny named Sue.
Biology's a bitch!
Owen Benjamin, ladies and gentlemen!
Huge pianist!
Woo!
Yeah!
Steve McClaren!
Woo!
Yeah!
Steve McClaren!
Woo!
By the way, Johnny Boy, my producer, he's rushing to try and get us back on track.
Let's hear it for him!
And he still screwed it up.
Oh, man.
I hope you're having a good time, everyone out there.
Why am I still doing this?
Yeah, cut that out.
I need some more wine.
Owen, I want Owen back right now.
I gotta find out where I am.
So, how many here would declare themselves conservative, libertarian, right-wing?
All right, I was hoping for a little more diversity.
Oh!
Wait!
I forgot!
You know what?
We actually still have, in our midst, we do want to check back in on Supreme Court Justice.
Do we have the Ruth Cam?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, ladies and gentlemen!
Is she here?
Alright, you know what?
Let's check back on that.
That might be in the Q&A.
Oh, goodness.
You know, we hear this talked about a whole lot.
You've heard this term probably from many of your professors who are out there protesting.
Othered, right?
Who here has heard the term about othered?
Okay, apparently no one.
We will not make a noise unless it's booing a Canadian, okay?
Everything else...
And we hear a lot about this, right?
We hear a lot about black people, gay people, trans people, about being othered, about being marginalized.
And here's the truth.
One person's cheering with a glow stick.
Looks like a mid-90s rave and he's taking a cocktail of codeine and E. Yes!
I'm out!
I'm out!
I've been othered!
With seven fingers!
You and Trudeau would make a cute couple, sir.
But statistically, the one thing that a lot of people don't talk about is no one has been othered.
No one has been othered on college campuses more than conservatives.
Now before we get to the statistics, let's show some stories that you probably know.
Let's show the anecdotal.
Here's a real.
Also a group of conservative students kicked off their campus coffee shop for wearing Make America Great hats
again.
I don't want people like you supporting this club.
Well then you should include me.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't want people like you supporting our club.
I see you guys in the...
White supremacist and a vice president that is one of the most anti-gay humans in this country.
At this point, it's not even education anymore.
It's indoctrination.
And we begin with a legal battle that is brewing.
A student group claims it was ousted by Lone Star College over its conservative views.
Now it's taking college leadership to court.
The piece at the University of Alaska Anchorage depicting Captain America holding the president's severed head.
He was told he had to apologize in front of the class, stand silently while they critiqued him.
She didn't like the fact that I disagreed with the subject being pushed in class being more than one gender.
Hey, by the way, please give it up for Yaf and College Republicans who put this on for you against the administration.
Yeah, yeah.
Give it up.
Yeah, let him hear ya!
And the overflow room, thank you guys, and everyone who's already been giving tickets to the after party, we appreciate it so much, you guys have been so accommodating, and I don't know if you know this, but actually, this very show, before it went, it actually started out of a station here named Wham, in Ann Arbor.
That was the first show I ever actually had to call my own.
Good.
A couple of people.
Good, we're up at 6am.
Yeah, you know.
And you were probably 12 years old.
There's a lot of Trudeaus out there.
So does anyone know the actual number as far as... Because people talk about this a lot, right?
You don't want to be folks who just bitch.
And you're not armed with information.
Does anyone know the actual number of professors on college campus?
1%!
Well, that's good.
That's a good guess, but I think you just picked the lowest of the numbers.
0, 0, can I pick that?
0 is not a number?
1!
1!
1%!
Do I get a t-shirt?
No.
The ratio of leftist to conservative professors across this country.
Do you have any idea?
Well, now you kinda... Give me some.
You stole my thunder.
Okay, alright, it's 12 to 1.
Alright, so sorry.
20 to 1!
A million to 1!
It's 12 to 1, which I thought was pretty bad.
And here's something that's crazy to me.
39% of colleges across the country have zero!
No conservative professors at all!
Wait, there's an overlay there?
Too cute Maddie?
She's so cute, makes me disgusted.
So basically, 40% of universities and college campuses have no, even leaning right, professors.
At what point do we acknowledge that it's not just happenstance?
Let me ask you this.
Can you find 40% of college professors Can you find 40% of colleges that have no, zero, not one atheist professor?
No Buddhist professors?
No environmentalist professors?
Can you find me 40% of colleges that don't have a single professor who likes Jolly Ranchers?
If you're playing the odds game...
Statistically, it doesn't matter how many times you roll the dice.
Zero?
That's almost half.
And by the way, the majority of college students... How many people agree with this?
One poll, the majority of college students... And by the way, the poll really matters here because you're asking people's opinion.
It's not like a poll on healthcare from Bernie Sanders.
Are you happy with your healthcare, you son of a bitch?
Yeah, I think it's alright.
Proof positive!
America sucks!
No, I'm a... Not as bad as, what is it, uh, Alexandria Nina Pinto Santamaria Cortez.
Yeah, one of those.
Yeah.
One of those Valley words.
Larry Curly Moe Cortez.
I can't get the names right.
Doug, is it because it's Latino?
Yes.
No.
But let's go with that.
I don't, I don't have time to argue with you.
Just call me a racist and I'll be on my way.
Let's do that.
You ever have that now?
Where someone's like, what are you, a racist?
Sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
I just want an extra fire sauce.
I don't want to have a conversation at the drive-thru here.
A majority of college students say that they feel there's a climate on campus that's completely hostile toward them.
Anyone else?
Show of hands, a round of applause.
I can't see you feel that way on campus.
There's a few.
And here's the thing.
It would be... You're not alone.
A big part of why we do this show, a big part of why sometimes we go a little bit too far with the jokes, and I know some of you tomorrow will be telling your... You'll be like Peter before the roost crows three times.
I didn't go to the Lottery with Crowder show.
And your local paper's gonna be like, okay, he has a Christ complex.
But we do it so that you don't have to be afraid.
It's okay to be who you are.
We hear that all the time.
You're perfect just the way you are.
First off, none of you are perfect.
Most of you suck.
All of us suck, okay?
I suck.
You suck.
Gerald certainly sucks.
But that's okay.
But then we're told you're fine.
Just accept yourself for who you are.
Well, what if you're a conservative?
What if you're a right-leaning person on campus where you're outnumbered 12 to 1, not by students, but by your professors?
Where 40% of you are on a college campus with not one person who shares your worldview.
That's how it deter- Well, let's not go with burn it down, alright?
That's the guy sending Clock Boy envelopes.
I'd check him out.
Not a good plan.
Not a good plan.
How funny would that be if it were just Clock Boy?
He's like, hello, we're for you again.
Maybe this time I'll be invited to Chamber of Commerce, then back to Qatar.
I suck as a person.
And David Hogg's like, I heard suck as a person.
All right, listen.
He's 18.
It's fine.
He's 18.
It's fine.
Yeah, you can do it now.
It's on.
It's on time.
Did you see David Hahn try to encourage Canadians to commit election fraud?
I was like, no, even Michael Moore was like, give me that microphone.
It's one thing for professors to be all far left, and all of your students to be far left, and it's one thing for you to be afraid simply to speak out, and that is the norm, right?
A lot of people have accepted that as the new norm.
But it gets even worse when you look at today, and we're not supposed to use the M word, M as in marsupial people out there, okay?
You're not supposed to use the M word when we're talking about mobs.
But the truth is, on campus, and we've experienced this, as well as in the country at large, the left today, these people, Who make up 40% of college campuses, but there's not a single one of you teaching.
These people, who outnumber other professors 12 to 1, are getting increasingly violent and rioting.
And you see it escalating.
here. Don't take my word for it.
I don't think they'll know what to do.
The idea is just plain clothes and a super tactic scene. I don't think they'll know what to do.
Okay.
Because they're not prepared for what you're planning.
Okay, we're going to take the knife.
Knife.
Yeah, we've got two APs coming.
Stop!
Others wore masks, threw what appeared to be fireworks and smoke bombs, then started fires.
There have been no immediate reports of arrests.
None.
None.
Doesn't that strike you as weird?
And I know we're not supposed to use the M word today, but I say that because listen guys,
I know it's kind of hard to say something serious here with my package hanging out.
Do as I do, not as I say.
You know, just do none of it.
But honestly, and before we get to the Q&A here, we're going to line up.
I say this so that all of you out there, you see these mobs, you see people pulling folks from cars in Portland.
Old man trying to beat them up.
I don't know if you saw this video.
It just made my blood absolutely boil.
You don't have to be afraid.
You don't have to be afraid to speak up.
It's why my answers have changed in the Q&A when I used to say, listen, keep your head down and stay safe.
It's why my worldview has changed because they will smell it on you.
You cannot hide it.
And that's why we're out here.
This is really hard.
Give it up for the team of people who've made this happen too, by the way.
There's an entire staff.
Can we get a mic with a longer chorus?
I don't know if that's possible.
The entire staff made this happen because we want to come out and just let you guys know that there are other people out there like you.
They may not be your teachers.
They may not be your friends in college.
They may not be the people writing the papers about today's event.
But you know what?
They are out there.
And before we move on to Q&A, I think we do actually have to go one more time to our, if we have, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Ruth Cam.
Yeah, the Ruth Cam.
Are we?
Oh.
Oh no.
Give it up, give it up.
Stop, stop!
Avada Nogra!
You bastard!
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, ladies and gentlemen!
Give it up, give it up.
She's a fighting one.
All right, there we go.
Thank you so much.
That's it for this material here.
We're going to go to Q&A for you guys.
Thank you so much again to the overflow room.
You guys, you were fantastic.
We're going to keep this going.
We're going to come visit you after we do this Q&A.
We have microphones here on the right and on the left.
University of Michigan, anyone who wants to ask a question, feel free to come on up.
You can ignore the people who are going to write about you tomorrow on college paper, because they're not going to be friendly anyway.
And by the way, where's the guy who's dressed up as a mug?
Where is he?
I saw a guy.
Actually, let me hear you chant.
All right, there you go.
Yeah.
That's a pretty good one.
Is that a kiddie pool that you just put tape on?
There it is.
Yeah.
Hold on a second.
Let's bring him up first to the mic.
I just want to see what he did.
Let's hear it for this man.
He's the winner of the costume contest, for sure.
That's epic.
That is so good.
Oh, he has to put it on before he goes to Q&A.
All right.
Oh.
And he can't make it down.
Let me walk sideways.
I'm kind of arucasulting this thing.
Shouldn't have chewed so much gum, bitch.
All right.
Don't knock it over.
He has to go around and come back.
Okay.
All right.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
What's your name, sir?
My name's James.
James.
Thank you for being here, James.
Thank you for the effort.
Now, James, tell me, what is this that you put together?
How did you make this?
I took a couple of cheap yoga mats, a pool noodle, and a hula hoop.
Okay.
Beautiful.
Yeah.
And it cost you a girlfriend, I'm guessing?
It might have.
Yeah.
Why do you have to dress this way?
Why can't you just be normal?
No, I'm telling you, afterwards we can get into the mug, we can do some weird stuff, make some bad decisions.
I don't want to be in a mug!
That's disgusting!
You want to be in my mug?
If not, you're not a part of my... So, how long did this take you?
I started Sunday morning and I finished last night.
Wow, wow.
You're definitely failing at least a class.
Yeah, give it to him.
This is his moment.
Better make it count.
Thank you so much, sir.
I appreciate it.
You're a Mug Club member.
You're the winner of the costume contest.
Any merch you want, a couple of shirts, ranger... You want some ranger panties?
You want to wear some ranger panties?
All right.
All of the above.
Thank you, sir.
Let's hear it for the costume contest winner.
All right, I guess, you know what, we'll start right here.
You know, okay, we'll go over here with the next first question.
Oh jeez, what happened there?
That was like Satan's piss.
All right.
You, sir, in the cake, looking very angry.
What's your name?
Hi, that's just my natural face, but thank you.
Is it really?
Well, you might want to work on it.
All right, going to a job interview.
I will be thrilled if you choose me.
Sir, are you sure about that?
Shut up, I'm finishing.
So, oh my God.
What?
Oh, he's on.
I think I turned it into something that we don't even know what it is.
All right.
What was your name, sir?
Evan.
Evan.
Okay, Evan.
So this is the cape?
Yeah, I helped set up.
This is what we all wore.
Oh, thank you very much, Evan.
I appreciate it.
No problem.
I'll wear the cape.
Okay, I'm going to have to stand back so I don't get any feedback.
Go ahead with your question, Evan.
Listen, just as a conservative on campus, today in one of my classes, a Spanish seminar of all things, we were learning about why Christianity is more violent than Islam.
Really?
Yeah, that's not... Someone tell you that with a straight face?
Well, listen, that just brings up my question is that as a conservative and like as a Christian, a devout Christian on campus, you know, I am afraid to, you know, speak up in a second language at that, you know, just be like, um... What's your first language?
English, but um...
Well, first off, I think it would help if you learned the general precept of second language.
Okay.
But, uh, okay.
All right.
Well, I'm wasting time, but anyway, my question is, you know... Are you sure you want to be a nightclub comic, Evan?
Go ahead, sir.
I just want you to have some fun.
It's okay.
It's gonna be fun.
It's gonna be fun.
Let's, you know, let's have fun.
It's just I find it hard to disagree with the sentiment of just sort of just eating the crap that your professors give you, getting the grade, and then once you're out of school fighting to make a difference.
Yeah.
Because I find that sentiment rather enticing, honestly, because I understand our grades are important as students.
And I'm just wondering, do you have any advice for students in my position who want to be able to stop the indoctrination on campus, but don't necessarily want our numbers to suffer as a result?
Well, thank you, Evan.
First, let's give Evan a round of applause.
Can you give him a smile?
Give him a smile!
Come on, how about a smile, pussycat?
All right.
How about now?
Can we smile?
By the way, I don't know if there are any Antifa members here.
They were threatening to throw a big old bottle of piss at me tonight, so...
Target right here.
Where are they?
Listen, it's a valid question, and I understand it, okay?
And this is a question I get asked most, and we do the Life Advice segment.
We're a tough love with your guru, Dr. Crowder.
Yeah.
Legally, I can't say I'm a doctor, but I'm a doctor.
First off, I know this sounds trivial.
It does help to smile, to be jovial, to be a happy warrior.
That's not just something that I'm... You know, Dennis Prager talks about how it's your moral obligation to be happy.
And as Christians, we talk about being happy, being content, being at least grateful through suffering.
Right?
That's what I believe.
I genuinely do.
I feel that it is such a privilege to be able to come out here and perform for you guys and ensure that doors are closed for me in the entertainment industry.
And when you talk about it's an enticing idea, right?
Oh, and they're definitely closed.
He also can't walk through half of them.
I get that it's an enticing idea, and I used to answer this question, if people go back and watch the older videos where I said, you know what, I understand it, do what you gotta do, keep your head down.
The problem is, you would have to believe that all these professors, the 12 to 1, are idiots without Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.
There is no way to stay hidden in 2018.
That's why I changed my answer.
My opinion hasn't changed.
If you had the ability, right, to stay off of social media completely, to be completely Google-proof to every single professor and you could guarantee that they wouldn't know, yeah, listen, sure, go ahead.
Ace your classes and then get yourself into some kind of position of authority.
Watch the YouTube people and they're like, the Jews!
And then do more good.
But you're not able to do that in 2018.
That's why I think it's so important for you to hear the people next to you yelling.
Listen, you guys aren't that small of a minority.
You are definitely that small of a minority as it's represented in media, as it's represented in the faculty, as it's represented in the press.
But you are not that small of a minority when it comes to people, even when it comes to the student body.
You know what you are?
You're the students.
You're the piece of the pie who elect presidents.
How about that?
And I'm sorry, but my opinion changed a little bit when we have conservatives who are like,
I just want to pass, I want to go into the STEM field, I want to be an engineer.
And then Antifa's like, my job, cocktail number nine, asshole!
Laughter.
You can't do it.
It's not possible.
So what I want you to do is grab the phone number or the hand of the person next to you today and go, you know what?
All right, here we are.
We're in it now.
You're in a fight.
Anyone here ever been in a fight?
You don't stop after you've been punched in the face.
You've all been punched in the face.
Now I'm not saying go out and punch them in the face or start mailing clocks, okay?
What I am saying is there's no way to hide it.
You've been punched in the face.
You're in the fight whether you want it or not, so start acting like it, because there's no way around it!
And you help the person next to you!
And I want to come back to that afterwards, because I'd like to close on that point.
I really do see, and I get a lot of emails regarding fear on campus, and it truly does.
It breaks my heart.
I feel totally humbled to be able to come out here and perform for you guys, because I know how scary it is.
I know how othered you've been.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You, sir, with the noise-cancelling headphones.
What's your name?
Uh, Logan.
Logan, nice to meet you, Logan.
So, uh, this is kind of two-part.
Alright.
My second question, can I get a handshake?
Uh, no.
Okay.
Because I don't know you, and Jeff might shoot you.
Okay.
It's very possible.
I don't want to get shot.
He's almost shot me multiple times.
I literally was reading about baggies of piss being thrown at me before coming on stage, and you're like, I got a goatee and spacers in my ears, and I canoodle.
That's nothing personal, I hope you understand.
Yeah, that's fine.
Alright, go ahead, sir.
So, I'm a senior in high school, and me and my friends, we're conservatives.
We all have conservative views.
I've been getting really into politics in the last couple of years.
But my friends don't seem to understand why they're conservative.
It's more of like, they know the conservative way is the better way to go.
But they don't really know how to argue their point.
Okay.
So is there really such thing as a bad conservative in that sense that they can't help us push the agenda?
They can just state it?
Yes.
By the way, this guy was looking at his watch and then started tweeting something.
Right here.
What were you doing?
You were like, oh, this kid better hurry up.
I want to get to the after party.
Your wife's watching.
Your wife's watching.
Thank you.
Well, thank you very much.
What's your name, sir?
Michael.
What's your wife's name?
Ashley.
Ashley.
Why couldn't she be here tonight?
Three kids.
Well, let's hear it for Michael and Ashley.
Three children.
That's a powerful woman.
I sure hope the kids aren't watching tonight.
Mommy, what's a ranger penny?
It's what's barely hiding what's in there, son.
Yes, listen, there can be bad... Here's the thing.
Doesn't mean they're bad people, but can there be bad conservatives who are not able to represent the viewpoint properly?
Yeah!
You see them all the time.
What's part two?
It's actually what I was looking for.
Yeah.
Oh, is that it?
All right.
Thank you, man.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for the question.
Yes, it's a simple answer.
And I know a lot of the time, we like to act as though there is not a simple answer.
Sometimes there is a simple answer.
And listen, I'm a relatively smart guy.
Like, I'm slightly above the belt.
What are you?
Are you just?
Dude, my horn's falling off.
Oh, your horn's falling off.
I keep seeing him doing this.
I'm like, what's going on here?
It's a gang sign.
I just thought you were doing something.
Yeah.
It's a gang sign.
Listen, the MS-13 are edibles, OK?
All they do, I walk up, they're foddling!
They're foddling their hordes!
All the time with the foddling the hordes!
President Trump, I don't think that was- I think that was Corder Black Garrett at a Loud House Crowder show.
Shut up, you dumbass!
I think they're foddling with the hordes.
Um, so I pre- No, listen.
There are sometimes really simple answers.
And that's okay.
And, uh, that's why we're going to be releasing the Change My Mind book here, uh, hopefully before the end of the year.
A booklet on campus that shouldn't be too much.
Because sometimes there are simple answers.
Not everything lives in the realm of nuance.
You know, we were told for a long time, like, well, not everything is black and white.
Well, that's true.
But not everything requires a soliloquy.
Sometimes it's really simple.
Are there conservatives who are bad?
Of course there are.
You see, a lot of them.
I had one person once tell me in Canada that Chinese people shouldn't be allowed to get home loans.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't have anywhere to go with that.
I was just like, well, see ya!
Okay.
Not on board.
I don't even get that.
And I don't really think this person meant it.
Anyway, I don't know.
What's your name, sir?
What's that?
Is that a hockey helmet?
He is a Polish tank hat from World War II.
Polish tank hats from World War II.
My name is Alex.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for being here.
I have a quick question.
All right.
How are babies made and what is best way to raise babies?
Okay.
**Laughter** Well, let's be honest. That first question has been
answered.
Because if you're a heterosexual female or homosexual male here,
you now know how babies are made.
Um...
**Laughter** What is the best way to raise babies?
Listen, I don't have babies, so I know, and I get people like, when are you gonna breed?
I'm like, well, first off, I'm not a horse.
Secondly, you know, listen, I still got a doggo at home and he needs a lot of care and we have time.
Wait, what are you saying?
I don't know what you're saying.
I have no idea.
Go back to fondling your horns.
I'm very confused.
I think this is really easy though.
I had a great dad.
I've talked about this a lot and I know a lot of people have become conservative in their, in college now.
Which is great, you see a lot of people, obviously not just myself, but people like Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, there are a lot of people out there changing hearts and minds right now, where people are going into college not conservative, and coming out conservative.
I will tell you this, I've been around since, I think it was 2006 on YouTube, 2009 is when I was doing political videos, okay?
We did these political, it would get like a few thousand plays, and that was a huge hit back then, right?
The Young Turks were calling me out and talking about how much I sucked, right?
And now they won't, they will utter any name not named Steven Crowder.
When you show up to Cenk's speech in Austin as Cenk, that's kind of what happens.
That's what happens.
And it's bullshit!
But I will say this.
That's really heartening.
It warms my cockles to see that.
Because it tells me that the people who are outnumbered 12 to 1 in staff, the people who are really afraid of the climate on college campus, you are changing hearts and minds.
Because when I started out, this didn't exist.
This wouldn't be possible for conservatives on campus.
We actually, if we'd have been able to book it in advance, could have filled Hill Auditorium with how many people are here.
I don't think that there has been any kind of a political show like that in recent memory here.
There probably is.
Someone's going to be like, Noam Chomsky.
Well, shut up, OK?
For the purposes of this story.
So that's great.
That being said, I did not become a conservative in college.
I will tell you.
I became a conservative pretty young.
Why?
Because my dad had these conversations at the dinner table.
And I think Ronald Reagan said, all great change starts at the dinner table.
And I was just a kid.
I was doing this cartoon, Arthur.
I was PBS.
And I played this character called the Brain.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Give it up for the Arthur Bane.
It gets almost as big a cheer as a Canadian gets booed.
But it was produced in Canada.
Now what do you do?
So, so torn.
You didn't even have to think about it.
I'm so torn.
Wow, that was so fast.
And I would get checks, and my dad would say, OK, what do you think about this going to taxes?
What do you think about a 52% marginal tax rate?
What do you think about health care?
We had already put several people on the ground because of Canadian health care.
And all of these conversations started with my dad.
And I will say this, my dad and my mother, my mom was French-Canadian, so she
didn't understand American politics to the same degree, but she was principled.
She was more conservative on the social issues and the moral issues.
In Quebec, there are only liberals and liberal separatists.
But they always had these conversations with me as a young child, to the point where
when I went into high school, I was having these conversations with teachers long before
college.
So if you're going to raise your kids anyway, people say, don't talk about religion and politics.
Well, guess what happens when you don't talk about religion and politics with your kids?
You have kids, like the gentleman who asked, I think it was Evan who asked a question, who's afraid to speak out in college.
You think you're emboldening your children if you're telling them don't speak religion and politics?
They're gonna go into college mortified!
Arm those kids!
Get them ready with information!
Send them out there like little warriors!
Don't send clocks, but send them out with info!
Thank you, Mr. Polish!
All right, you, sir.
Yes, I appreciate it.
You got a Lionel Strader hat.
Okay, all right.
There you go.
Thank you.
You just bought it now.
Oh, very nice.
What's your name, sir?
Matt, Traverse City, Michigan.
Oh, Traverse City!
Very nice!
Cherries and fat commie assholes come from there.
Yeah, pretty much.
Home of Michael Moore.
Oh, boo.
What did someone say?
He's not from there?
What's the story here?
He's not from there!
He's from Leelanau County!
Alright, okay.
Go ahead.
What's your question, sir?
That leads to my question.
While the state of Texas is treating you well, would you ever move back to the greatest state in the Union, Michigan?
No.
No.
That was a Brian Stelter question.
That was very leading.
It's like, Mr. Trump, would you ever consider being respectful and kissing my ass on air?
No, you're disgusting.
Well, see, I can't talk with him.
There's no reasoning.
You know what?
I would consider it when Michigan ditches their state tax.
Here, I hate to say this, This is one thing I've talked about, I don't understand.
Texas is a great, it's a petri dish.
You know what?
Michigan.
You've got, let's, let's, if you could just annex Detroit and Flint, give it to Canada, you know, just like, just tell them it's on the ballot, they're just voting for free pot and tap water, like, oh, yeah.
Just, sounds good here in Flint, it's a good deal.
I get to get high and dead.
So you have the same kind of situation with eastern and western Michigan.
You look at Grand Rapids.
I did a video.
Thank you.
Any Grand Rapidians in the house?
Yeah.
First off, people over there are nice.
They really are.
It felt like someone was tugging on the back of my collar.
Oh, Steven's done LSD again, kids.
People there are nice.
I had a guy, we were doing this undercover sting of the college socialists, and this guy was complaining, he's like, yeah, this city sucks, and, you know, the DeVos' and the Van Andels, they just really destroyed this city, and I said, oh, okay, what do you do?
He's like, I work for the Van Andels.
I mean, they really have.
You look at Grand Rapids, you compare it to Detroit.
You look at one that's expanded, one that's done incredibly well, one that's diversified, one that really was supported by free enterprise, conservative families and households.
And that's one thing, too.
I think a lot of people here from Michigan were kind of surprised.
Anyone here surprised initially at how vicious the attacks on Betsy DeVos were?
Yeah, I think almost everyone who's not a piece of crap.
They're like, Betsy DeVos, isn't she the worst?
And everyone in Michigan is like, ah, she like supports kids' hospitals.
And she's actually made schools better.
And they're like, no, we're pretty sure she's a whore.
We're like, OK.
I don't think that's allowed.
So you have Eastern Michigan, right?
You have entirely democratic rural Detroit.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I know some of you hipsters like to go to Detroit and drink coffee.
That's not how they live.
It doesn't save the city, all right?
Sorry.
Detroit needs to get rid of the crony.
The political corruption in Detroit knows no bounds.
You have Detroit.
Entirely democratic rule since, I think, Jerome Kavanaugh, 1961.
And then you have the other side of the state.
Or you have a place like Texas.
Right?
A place like Texas.
Woo!
Woo!
Where it could not grow fast enough.
People can't get their head around this.
Texas, okay?
It's not really fair to compare countries.
Like a good example, people talk about healthcare being a human right, and they try to compare us to Norway or Denmark.
It is funny.
Denmark is socialist!
The Prime Minister's like, uh, shut up, we're not socialists.
I'm pretty sure you are!
It's a lot more fair to compare states, I think, and comparing California or Michigan, but I think California and Texas are great examples.
So California is hemorrhaging people, the taxes are awful, their economy is collapsing underneath them.
According to Al Gore, they shouldn't have even existed, I think, four years ago, but we're banking on that climate change at some point.
And then you have Texas, right?
No state tax and a surplus for as long as I can remember.
You figure it out!
And then you have these Californians who move to Texas, right?
They move to Texas because I think, what is it?
There's Toyota that left, State Farm, Liberty Mutual, 15,000 jobs in one municipality.
I think it's Plano Frisco.
One municipality of Texas.
It's a suburb of Dallas.
And they come in and they try to vote in the crappy blue policies they left!
It's unreal to me!
If you want to talk about the delusions of today's left, just look at Californians today, who are chasing their dreams, their jobs, and a better life for their family in Texas, and then trying to turn it into California.
Good example, very comparable, would be people in a migrant caravan on their way over here, burning the American flag!
I don't know if you're booing me or burning the American flag, but I'll take it.
And we're told that we're mean.
Imagine someone going like, oh, okay, I'm going to come to your place for dinner.
Like, all right, fine.
By the way, I'm going to take a piss in your cooking pot, okay?
What is happening?
And Don Lemon's like, you know, you should let them in or you're racist.
You're like, why are you just looking like a dead Johnny Mathis back from the dead?
You have nothing interesting to say, Don Lemon.
So, uh, long way around to say, uh, probably no, not moving back to Michigan, but I do love Michigan.
Michigan has unbelievable natural beauty.
I love the people outside of, uh, you know, the people who, uh, live in Detroit.
Um, and, uh, I really do appreciate it.
So thank you for your question, sir.
All right, we're going to go over here.
Oh, mustard!
Okay, you're just... Is there an inside joke here, or is that just the only costume you had?
Uh, my friend's ketchup.
Mustard and ketchup, okay.
I love how ketchup is way happier.
It's because everyone loves him, and with you, they're not so sure.
You're like, ketchup?
Yes!
I'm putting my fries in.
Hi, mustard!
Get the hell away, mustard!
You're like Gerald.
Alright, but mustard has the question.
I couldn't tell if you were mustard or you were, uh, you were, uh, Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus with the little hat there going on.
But an Asian version.
Are you Latino?
Are you Asian?
I'm Indian.
Indian.
Well, she's got the feathers on her head, so, you know, get mad at her.
I'm a dot, not a feather.
I'm not in it.
Woo!
The truth is, I kind of knew it, but I was hoping I'd walk into that one.
I don't really care.
You're going through your whole own dot feather thing right now in India, so you shouldn't be one to throw stones, or whatever the hell it is you have left in India.
But go ahead.
Oh, now you're offended?
He's Indian, he's dressed as mustard, he's laughing his ass off.
Alright, what's your name, sir?
I'm Shane.
Shane, nice to meet you.
Shane, what's your question, Shane?
So, as an Indian vegan conservative, I'm a very independent-minded person, and I just can't comprehend the race card where, like, Oh, the whole hierarchy of white people, brown people, this, that, and the other thing.
I just don't get it.
How do you propose that I were to combat that as I go into college and I talk to teachers and stuff like that?
Well, I wouldn't propose you combat it.
As a vegan, you might not have the vigor.
No, see, every look he's laughing.
See, this is why it's a fun time to be here.
This is some kind of a leftist conversation.
Everyone will be like, oh my god, I cannot believe he said that to the dot Indian.
And I can't believe she's dressed like First Nations, but it's really like a red... I'm offended on so many levels.
And I don't even think they have mustard in India.
Oh my God, now I'm being racist.
And he said I-Indian, not N-Indian.
Is he a Mexican who's trying to pass himself off?
Your question is, how do you help combat that?
Yeah.
Listen, I think you are.
I think you are just being you.
That's it.
I mean, here's the truth.
We have Eric Nimmer, a good friend of Eric Nimmer on the show, a good friend of Owen Benjamin, for people who know him.
Former black military.
One of my favorite jokes from Eric Nimmer, I'm butchering it here, he can tell it to the overflow room, is he served in the military because he wanted white people to thank him for his freedom.
And here's the thing, he's not even that conservative, Nimmer.
He's like, all my family, they're all liberals, they're all former Democrats, and they just got so crazy.
Now, no one in my family is a Democrat.
It's like, but I'm not really a conservative.
You don't even have to be a conservative.
Just be you.
I mean, you're an Indian, right?
Where are you from?
What part of India?
Gujarat.
What was that?
My family's from Gujarat, but I was born here.
Okay, you were born here.
Alright, so you want to get past it, but you want to throw it down in the college resume.
He's like Sean King, the victim of a hate crime, but then when he needs to, it's like, I'm gonna check the Caucasian box.
And Elizabeth Warren's like, where's the Indian one?
I mean, maybe.
Look, I'm smoking a peace pipe.
I call my dad Paw Paw.
I'm a piece of crap.
So you're an Indian, not Native American.
That's Native American over there.
But your friend, Ketchup, is positively translucent.
I mean, his 23 and me shows up just... It just doesn't even show up.
It's like you have to put this in dark mode, invert colors.
And isn't that fantastic?
You two are like a buddy cop film.
That's how you answer it.
Just don't be afraid.
Again, this all goes back to it's really simple.
Listen, the coward's way out is really easy.
Keep your head down.
I used to talk about this, because I was in Hollywood, and I felt like I could do it for a long time.
You keep your head down, you say the right things, you don't piss off all the wrong people, and eventually, right, there's that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
It's never there.
It's never there.
So just do it.
Be who you are, where you are.
People see you and you say, yeah, by the way, I'm a conservative.
You watch leftist's head explode.
Right?
Wait, hold on a second.
I thought you said you were a dot.
Like, yeah, and I support lower taxes.
Oh, so is the dot like a mini Charles Manson swastika?
No, you're just a horrible person.
That would be my answer.
Be who you are.
What you're doing is great.
Have fun.
Be a happy warrior.
Just don't be intimidated by people who tell you what you have to be.
Because then the problem is too, listen, I make fun of vegans mostly because they can't fight back, but it's okay!
It's okay for you to be a vegan.
Just take it in stride.
And that's what I love about you.
I appreciate you asked the question.
Just don't be afraid.
Thank you so much.
We're gonna move on.
Gentleman right here.
Whoa, that is a busy shirt.
Is that writing or is that just a pattern?
Oh, it's a Hawaiian shirt.
Oh, okay.
Alright.
You from Hawaii?
Oh, no.
I'm Hollywood's new favorite socialist.
What's that?
You're what?
Ace Ventura.
Oh, okay.
I see what you did there.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm Ace Ventura.
I like it.
I like it.
I got it!
Okay, I see it now.
You know, I didn't see it before.
The red pants, the hair.
Yeah, you get the hair more.
Okay, Ace Ventura.
Alright, I appreciate it.
Was this a last minute costume?
I mean, it wasn't quite like the mug guy.
Oh no, yeah, it was last minute.
Yeah, he's like, it's last minute.
He's like, you got a tank top and a shirt that kinda... I don't know.
Am I like Jim Carrey?
That's pretty close, it's not bad.
Okay, what's your name, sir?
Eli.
Eli, alright, Eli.
We're going Old Testament.
What would you like, what's your question?
Well, Elijah, so really Old Testament.
Alright, there you go.
My question is, so I'm 18, so I don't have to identify with Millennials?
Thank God.
Wait, you're 18?
You're lucky.
Yes, I'm 18.
Oh shit, said Kevin Spacey from his cell. Continue.
I really hope the Hawaiian shirt could give me an aloha.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop clapping.
I'm terrible.
Alright, go ahead.
So, do you have any hope for Gen Z, you know, being more conservative?
They've kind of talked about... Oh, absolutely.
So what do you see us doing, or what do we have to do to finally get the country going?
So you're Generation Z at 18.
Where does Generation Z start exactly?
In 1990-something, you can identify with... I could technically identify... Yeah, it's like 96.
Yeah, no, I know, you can identify with anything now.
I identify as a baby boomer.
Yeah, I identify as a baby boomer.
Yeah, I collect Social Security, they're like, what?
I'm like, I know I could pick it later and technically get more, but I just want to steal stuff now.
They're like, okay.
No, listen, this is true, and I appreciate... Eli, thank you for the question, Eli.
This is actually a really important question.
Generation Z is possibly the most conservative generation ever.
Now, I know, yeah.
I mean, you know, that's why they were so busy trying to push David Hogg out.
That's a great example.
Generation Z is probably more pro-gun than... Don't boo me.
I say... It's not like Voldemort, okay?
I'm like, say the name... Boo!
And you have less leeway because you're Canadian!
So, Generation Z is probably more pro-gun than any generation prior.
Why?
They talk about gun culture 2.0 because you've played these video games where you see these ultra-realistic guns, you want to try them out, shoot them, you're not necessarily pro-Second Amendment, and then all of a sudden it kind of folds into that.
Also tend to be very pro-free speech.
And here's something that I've noticed, and I actually think is, I haven't heard a lot of people talk about this, this is entirely a theory, it's conjecture, okay?
So, wait, please tell me you're dressed as a terrorist.
I couldn't see you until just now.
I don't know.
Hey!
I came from Pampalas and Dearborn!
Ah!
What's a little money to Hezbollah?
Delicious food, by the way.
I think there was a place, actually.
What was the place that actually was funneling money to Hezbollah?
Lashish, right.
Or possibly all of them, but let's go with Lashish.
No, with Lashish, yes, I remember.
And listen, you know, they hate the Jews, but by God, their tabbouleh is tasty.
So Generation Z, they're winning issues.
Pro-gun, pro-free speech.
They've rejected this sort of pseudo third-wave feminism.
There's a lot of progress being made with Generation Z. And this is just kind of a theory that I have.
You know, millennials were sort of the last generation to bridge that gap with social media.
Right?
Millennials, when we... And I guess technically I'm a millennial at 31.
I'm not entirely sure.
One person's like...
A cheer, and then everyone else booing because I'm still Canadian.
I get it.
I'm going to leave very soon.
You people are terrible.
I'm never coming back to Ann Arbor.
No, I'm coming back, absolutely.
And we're going to sell out Hill Auditorium!
And then we're going to go up to Torch Lake and take a dump on Michael Moore's dock.
Symbolically!
You have to say that now, otherwise people are like, Michael Moore received an envelope, he's pretty sure it's the guy who's gonna take a dump on his dog.
So we were the last generation, right?
When I grew up, we didn't have Facebook, we didn't have Twitter, we didn't have Snapchat.
The closest thing was later on we had MySpace, and that sort of became like the whorehouse of the internet.
Before that there was Friendster, before that there was Zanga, which was, it was just nothing
but, it was nothing but Asians and, and, you know, dot Indians were on Zanga.
We didn't really have it, right?
So that's the last generation where, remember, you didn't really get the red pen.
Scores had to be evened out because you could insulate those kids.
We had kids who were bullied a little bit too much when you go to Baby Boomers in Generation
X and we, we had sort of, we just tossed them all in a school together, right?
We created the Federal Department of Education.
Let's say, let's see what happens here.
Okay, it's not really working out that well.
People are getting their asses kicked.
Test scores aren't really going up.
But then Generation Z, they've been raised now with social media their entire life, which is terrible in a way because the worst things you can possibly read, right, you see on social media.
It's toxic.
It's just like a drug.
You really need to keep usage of it absolutely limited.
Not today.
Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Crowder U of M, take over.
Shameless plug.
But you can't really hide.
And so I don't think professors, I don't think parents are able to insulate Generation Z so much.
So you have this generation, right, millennials, who kind of made it to college, who'd been told that they're amazing and they're perfect every way that they were, and none of us are, and they went there, and then there was a reality check in the workplace, and we've seen all kinds of problems with millennials in the workplace, whereas Generation Z have been told the most horrendous thing they could possibly imagine, since they could use a smartphone.
And so I think that'll have negative ramifications, but again, they have the ability to fact-check any bullcrap.
Same thing, anything I've said here tonight, right, you can just pull up your phone and be like, ugh, he's full of crap there.
Probably.
I have no idea what I say up here half the time.
And that's with Generation Z, and they're very pro-gun, pro-free speech.
So I actually have a lot of hope for Generation Z. I see far more people who are willing to listen and engage in a conversation, because once you cut through the white noise of all the terrible crap being said on social media, you know, we have genera- the younger people are always the ones who come up and change my mind and actually want to talk about it.
It's the old, it's the millennials, those people in that gap who are like, So I really do think the pendulum swings the other way and Generation Z, statistically as well, something else that's undeniable, they are more conservative right now at this point in their lives than baby boomers were.
So right now, a lot of people go, well, they're really not that conservative, they're liberal.
Yeah, they're liberal, but that's expected when you're young.
But for the first time, we actually have, sometimes on certain issues, a plurality of Generation Z folks.
What do you call them?
Generation Z-ers?
Z-ers?
The trans community won again!
Generation Z-ers!
I never thought of it until now!
Damn it, Caitlyn Jenner.
I'm already on the X-Men cover.
Go with it.
They are more conservative on certain issues than any generation before them at that snapshot in time in their lives, and that's something we don't hear about.
It's something to look out for.
It's some really good news, and it's also why I want fewer and fewer people to be afraid, because Generation Z is not as cowardly as many millennials were, and that really warms my heart.
Thank you so much, Eli, for your question.
I appreciate it.
I gotta go!
I gotta go!
We gotta go!
All right, socialism is for figs, sir.
You got a wonderful beard.
What's your name?
South Barber from Grand Rapids.
I didn't hear, did you say Sao Paulo from Grand Rapids?
What's your name?
Seth Barber.
Seth Barber.
Oh, you gave me a last name.
Alright, we're very formal, okay.
Well, we're quiet.
No, Sao Paulo was on the mind because I was just talking with Owen Benjamin backstage about Snake Island.
Anyone remember this, Snake Island?
That's a great idea.
Yes, just bomb it.
It's off the coast of Sao Paulo.
It's like eight square... Every single meter, square meter, there's like eight snakes.
They have flying snakes.
They have snakes that hunt in packs.
These snakes only exist on Snake Island.
Why can't we hunt them?
Well, it might disrupt the ecosystem.
Do you mean the ecosystem of only Snake Island?
Nuke it, for crying out loud!
Okay, yes.
Go ahead, Mr. Sao Paulo.
Well, this question was straight from my wife.
Um... And it's a personal one, so you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.
Alright.
Well, that's a little weird.
You're asking your wife's personal question, so... Do me a favor.
Do me a favor.
Ask it as a woman.
I'm gonna try.
Are you planning to have kids?
Like a woman!
That was my Christian tale.
If I were, like, mad at you, I'd be like, Like a woman!
I don't know why.
Yeah, of course, at some point.
But is that the only question from your wife?
Well, that was the only question that she wanted to know.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I mean, it's a loaded gun.
I've got to be careful with this thing, right?
I've got to pick my spots wisely.
Especially after this.
You know, my wife is visiting Michigan, too.
She's got family here.
I'm going to walk back in these assless chaps and ranger panties.
And if I don't want kids right away, I've got to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's take it back a notch.
Yeah, it's a personal question.
I can't necessarily answer all the personal questions, but I'll tell you this.
I don't like kids.
I know I'll like my kids.
I was like, man, dad, I'm really scared.
I always thought I was going to want kids.
And kids are just really annoying and sticky.
And he's like, ah, I didn't like kids at all.
And then I had liked you.
I'm like, oh, OK, all right.
So no, I like some kids, actually.
Johnny Boy, who's a producer of mine, his daughter is just adorable.
Yeah, she's great.
Yeah, but she's very, very aggressive for a young girl.
She's three, and she asked me to marry her, and I was like, oh, that's cute, that's like, that's pretty cute, okay, we don't need to do that, and she's like, now.
And then she walks up, she grabs me by the neck, she goes, Stephen, Stephen, look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me!
Okay, she goes, you're what I've always dreamed of.
It's cute.
I'm like, first off, we mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, love.
Second, to make situations even more awkward, right, I turned to my friend, Johnny Boy, producer, wonderful man, and I turned to him and he goes, you're what I've always dreamed of.
And I go, hey, Johnny, just so you know, we're bros.
I would never take advantage.
After he peed himself laughing, he had me hauled out in cuffs.
So, yeah.
Eventually.
But tell your wife thank you, and thank you for bringing the mug.
Yeah.
Can I just send her a message real quick?
To your wife?
Yeah.
Alright.
Hey honey, I love you, and for the phone number that you put on my mug, thank you.
The first three digits is mine, but the last four are yours.
Alright.
Okay.
I don't know what's happening there.
She's pregnant, so she has pregnant brain.
Okay, what's your name?
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Thank you, Elizabeth.
Thank you, Mr. Stoppall.
I know that's not your name.
What time is it?
We have to get going.
We have probably two more questions.
Two more.
Okay, we have two more questions.
Alright.
One more?
Is that what you just said?
Two.
Oh, two.
Alright.
Yeah, like Ann Arbor.
Like Ann Arbor.
Two!
Less here in my Ann Arbor.
Alright.
That was two.
Stop yelling.
Stop yelling.
Alright, who thinks they have a really, really good question?
The guy up front didn't even raise his hand.
He's like, no.
I don't want this kind of heat.
I'm out.
I'm out.
We're going to go two more.
OK, since you were here, what's your name, sir?
Trevor.
Trevor.
Nice to meet you, Trevor.
OK.
You too.
What is your question, Trevor?
By the way, what's your name, sweetheart, with a full featherhead Indian native outfit here?
What's?
Elizabeth.
Oh, it says Elizabeth Warren on your shirt.
OK, so that's your costume.
But what's your real name?
Izzy.
Okay.
So you just decided you wanted to walk through this campus right now and piss everybody off on your way to the show tonight?
Good for you!
Good for you!
Him too!
Him too!
Let's all be a little bit more like Izzy!
And that guy!
But I'm pretty sure she's cute, he's just a racist.
So, don't be like that guy.
He's the one sending clocks.
With get-or-done stickers that look remarkably like ISIS flags.
I don't know.
Stop asking questions.
All right.
So, uh, you've mentioned that the movie The Edge starring Anthony Hopkins.
Yes!
The Edge!
My favorite film.
If you have not seen it, The Edge with Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin.
It is the single most conservative film ever made.
And by the way, the guy who created it, David Mamet, Glen Gary, Glen Ross, is one of the most prolific playwrights ever.
He wrote in a New York, uh, New York Times or Washington Post, an article, why I'm no longer a brain dead liberal.
He wrote The Edge before he wrote that article.
It's proof positive of someone who's a conservative and doesn't know it yet.
If you have not seen The Edge, please go rent it.
It's unbelievable.
It is the perfect motion picture, except for one scene where the green screen is kind of obvious with this grizzly bear, and you're like, shit!
It would have been perfect!
So it's like a 9.9.
But yes, The Edge.
Sorry, if we talk about Snake Island or The Edge, I'm going to get jacked.
Understandable.
So, uh, in the movie, Anthony Hopkins plays a rich, powerful, uh, man, and, uh... Charles.
Yes.
And, uh, you know, he's very helpful to the people in the movie, and... Yeah?
Uh, I was wondering why you think, uh, in the real world, people on the left would vilify someone like that with money, power, even though he's helping people.
Right.
You mean not named Charles.
Okay.
Um, no, I think it's a great, and that's why The Edge, for people who don't know, let me give you a little bit of, kind of a briefer.
The Edge is a... Let me give you a briefing on it.
The Edge is really, Anthony Hopkins is this billionaire guy, and he actually, so spoiler alert, he starts off as a really good guy, and you're waiting for every single film, right?
The billionaire is gonna be like, HAHAHAHAHAHA!
RAIN FOREST!
I'VE DESTROYED YOU FOREVER!
AND I KICKED THAT KID!
The Edge is one of the very few films where the billionaire actually is a good guy who saves bad people, who saves some people who are selfish.
And here's one thing.
This is a big, I think, a defining difference between the right and the left, okay?
We talk about this with identity politics.
We think it applies only to, you know, race, mustard, and ketchup.
But it applies to classes, too.
Listen, money amplifies character.
If you're a terrible person, you're gonna be a terrible person with money.
If you're a good person, you're gonna be a good person with money.
And the truth is, typically speaking, we like to be... A lot of people teach us that everyone has to cheat, and game the system, and lie, and screw people to become wealthy.
No!
To get into DC, yeah, most of the time.
But not to run a business!
Most business owners in this country, they're paying people, the first people to think about when their head hits the pillow at night, they're employees.
When they wake up, when they go to bed, it's the last, it's the last people to think about when they go to bed, it's the first people to think about when they get up.
In The Edge, this film, it really is an unbelievable film, because again, like I said, David Mamet didn't know that he was a conservative, and he wrote this whole film, and you're waiting for the guy, the billionaire to be the bad guy, and he never shows up.
The good thing is when we talk about being open-minded, and it's funny, right, they talk about the gender binary.
There's no gender binary.
We don't want to go with science, but when it comes to success, when it comes to finances, when it comes to power, there's good, successful, powerful, strong, And evil, the poor, the downtrodden.
Therefore, the good have to give all their crap.
But the truth is, sometimes the powerful, they got that way by actually doing the right thing.
And sometimes someone who's been on food stamps for their entire life, not everyone, some people get a tough break sometimes.
Sometimes the guy who's been suckling at the government teat ever since he was a small child is actually just a selfish, lazy person.
Not always.
And sometimes the guy who makes a ton of money, like a Soros, is not a good person.
We don't have to fit into this.
It's just so funny that the left tries to act as if they're open-minded.
We're gonna break out of the gender binary!
I am born, right?
And you say, yeah!
What about this idea that wealthy people have to be bad and poor people are altruistic?
Son of a bitch!
That's the truth!
And I don't buy it!
And I think that's why it's important.
I think the left vilifies success.
Again, the left automatically grants you the moral high ground.
I've talked about this before.
And it's a very dangerous mode of thinking.
And here's the thing.
This is why so many young people are liberals, leftists, and they become more conservative as they get older.
So you do ask, what do you do?
I do think that's why I say smiling, being empathetic, being nice, having a good time.
That changes people.
What starts people's change, what starts them on that trajectory, is not always You know the fact.
It's not always just giving them a Thomas Sowell book.
It's not talking about marginal tax rates.
It's not talking about a GDP that the left said could never possibly happen under Trump.
And we're like, ah shit!
It's not that.
Sometimes it's how they feel around you.
And you have to be the life of the party.
You have to be a good person.
Because the left grants the moral high ground to people who are the poorest and most downtrodden and automatically assumes that they're correct.
The same thing with Israel and Palestine.
Look at that.
And that's unbelievable.
I know we're going to have some libertarians here who are like, false flag!
All right, listen.
Or the YouTube people.
The Jews!
We're back there again.
But if you look at Israel and Palestine, you look at some people who tunnel underneath towns to target women and children, and then they defend themselves by hiding in grade schools and mosques.
Again, around women and children.
And Israel builds up an entire, basically a force field, to defend who now?
Who now?
Who now?
Their women and children.
The left hates Israel.
Look at the charitable.
Look at the charitable.
It's statistically undeniable.
If the wealthy people in this country, particularly conservative Christians, they tend to give the most to charity.
It's not even close.
There's a book, I think it was by David Brooks, who really cares, and I think the book talks about this.
The single biggest determining factor is their faith, and then...
Their political affiliation.
And then particularly level of income.
Middle income people don't give as much as upper middle income people.
And not as much as wealthy people.
And poor people give less than wealthy people.
Now I know you're saying, well that's just because they're poor, they don't have as much to give as a percentage of their income.
That doesn't mean that all poor people are bad.
It just means that we shouldn't grant them automatically the moral high ground, and that's why you see the left today.
It's a prime example.
The edge is such a shocker.
You watch, you're like, oh my god, I thought billionaires were always bad.
Why?
Because the left is trying to sell you that the guy, Antifa guy, dragging an old man from a car and punching him in his face, who's on the way to work to build the crap that that guy punching him in the face probably wants to be stolen from him at gunpoint by the federal government, they want you to side with that guy.
Why?
Because he's wearing a ripped up hoodie.
So he must have the moral high ground.
Don't buy it!
It's easy to fall into this trap because most people, most people are empathetic.
They're sympathetic.
They look at people who need a leg up and you say, oh my gosh, you know what this guy needs?
I feel for this guy and you want to help them and the left tells you, well, that's because they were screwed by somebody just like you or someone who's wealthy.
It's not true.
There are good people who are wealthy and powerful and there are bad people who are poor and weak.
There are good people who are strong and there are bad... That's actually one thing I actually just misspoke.
There are no bad people who are strong.
The only one that you can look at, we're talking about strength of character.
There are people who are weak of character and people who are good.
People who are strong.
People who have backbone.
People who have spine.
And guess what?
Those people can be rich, poor, black, white, yellow, Indian, or Injun.
It doesn't matter.
They span the spectrum.
But the left wants you to think it exists in a binary.
Hey, there's that word again.
It doesn't.
So I think that's why that film was probably one of my favorites.
It's shocking to watch.
Go watch The Edge and read more David Mamet.
Alright, last question.
I know a few people have said they have really, really, really good questions.
Get a good one.
Hold on a second here.
I think you're looking to just make some... Alright, let's see.
I'm pro-life change.
Alright, hat, shirt.
Then we have to get going.
Alright, what's your name, sir?
My name is Matt.
What?
Oh, but because you dress like a terrorist, they have to answer you?
It's what?
Oh, he disagrees.
All right.
Well, sorry, you should have gotten up sooner.
I disagree with your 40-yard dash.
All right.
Yeah, let's go.
My name is Matt, Mr. Carter.
I wanted to, first off, I wanted to thank you.
I wouldn't have ever watched the Gosnell movie if you hadn't promoted it on your show.
That was a really great movie.
Fantastic film.
I took one of my liberal friends and she enjoyed it as well.
But my question is two parts.
First off, in discussing things with my family, what would you say to the people who accuse you of being an AIDS denier?
I understand that you're, you know, that it's joking when you go out and say that obviously No, AIDS is a real thing.
Right, absolutely.
Just don't have group sex with trucks.
There's a truck stop with strangers.
But would you agree that heterosexual people can get AIDS as well?
Sure, sure.
They're not... Sure, yeah, it's a statistical non-risk.
But yeah, go ahead.
What's part two?
Part two is, how would you help me shut down all the people who keep asking what happened to Sven Computer?
Well, Sun Computer's back in Germany.
So you said you had an important question.
So, he's back in Germany right now.
We wish him the best.
You know, that's always kind of complicated.
As far as an AIDS denier, I don't know where that started.
You know, we talked about, I don't know if you remember this, Oprah said one in five couples will have AIDS by the year 1994.
I think it was 1994 or 1996.
That includes heterosexual couples.
It's never even been close.
I've never denied that AIDS exists.
Again, this is what the left does.
They take something that's true and you say, the AIDS epidemic was a host.
It was a hoax.
I don't know about you, but I remember when I was in school, and they came in and they said, listen, kids, we need to talk about AIDS.
And I was like, oh, all right.
So you're telling us, like, don't have unprotected sex, like the people in Rent in the East Village, or use a bunch of dirty heroin needles, and we should be safe, right?
Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Just if you have a friend who has, like, a scrape on their knee, don't touch them!
That was how they taught us to avoid AIDS.
There was this false epidemic thrust upon the American public that everyone was at risk, and it just wasn't true.
If anyone wants to call that a denier, all right, then I guess I'm an AIDS denier, I guess.
I mean, it's one of those things that I don't really care about that much.
But it's really bastardized.
You see that by the left?
We're gonna have to go with one more question.
I think you said you disagree.
Is that it?
You disagree?
Okay, let's go, and then we'll keep it.
One last question.
Thank you, sir!
All right.
I wanted to know, I had a different question.
It was about trans people.
I thought that it's not necessarily great to make fun of them because it's kind of like punching down, but I wanted to know why you call this a terrorist costume.
Because it's funny.
Okay, that's fair.
That is fair.
It's a comedy show.
I'd like to say the whole rape and Hezbollah funding, I think you have a bad perception of Dearborn.
I know you had a video there, but I'd like to extend an invite to come and see how Muslims really live in Dearborn.
We don't fund Hezbollah or rape people.
Well, I'm glad you don't.
And by the way, I never said everyone funded Hezbollah.
Just Lasheesh, right?
Yeah.
Well, that's just one guy.
I mean, there's 200,000 of us living in the vicinity.
I mean, it's just one guy.
Sure.
I mean, the American government gives money to Saudi Arabia and they're bombing the hell out of Yemen.
Right.
That's the equivalent of what Hezbollah does.
I agree.
What's the difference?
I mean, you can't just create this equivalency and say that we're doing one thing and...
What equivalents did I create?
You're just saying, okay, so one guy from our town funded Hezbollah.
That doesn't mean that every time we bring up Dearborn, oh, it's a Muslim ghetto, or they're funding Hezbollah.
Yes.
So why don't you portray us fairly?
Why do you have to call us a terrorist costume and, oh, they're funding Hezbollah?
Okay, so first off, first point, I think I've answered your question.
Okay.
It's funny.
Second part, about Tranny punching him about funding Hezbollah, I talked about a specific restaurant that was caught funding Hezbollah.
Is this a correct story or not?
Yeah, it is a correct story.
How many hijackers came through Dearborn, Michigan?
Excuse me?
How many hijackers came through Dearborn, Michigan?
I have no idea.
Take a wild guess.
And you mean the 9-11 hijackers?
Yeah, 9-11.
Let's go with that for starters.
I mean, maybe they have a... Right.
Now, of course, not everyone in... Just like not everyone in Dearborn supports your view.
Of course not everyone in Dearborn is a terrorist, right?
And I don't think that you're dressed like a terrorist, to be clear.
Just like I was talking about Owen Benjamin.
He's dressed like Liberace.
He's not a gay pianist, right?
All right?
This part of this is meant to be a comedy show.
As far as how it relates to Islam versus Christianity, like that question, I think there is a shocking statistic, a shocking number of people who support things that aren't in line with Western values.
And that's okay.
People, I mean, can you name me a single Islamic country where there's freedom of speech like we have in the United States?
One.
Well, that's kind of a Western value though.
You can't expect us to have that.
I'm not saying it's bad.
I'm not saying it's bad.
So you support freedom of speech?
So you support freedom of speech though?
In this country I do support freedom of speech, but I can't tell someone in my home country to support it or not support it because they have their own way of living.
No, you can't tell them what to do.
I can say they're wrong.
But can you appreciate that people have different ways of living?
Sure, I can.
This is a big thing, too, by the way.
What was your name, sir?
Muhammad Ali.
Muhammad Ali?
Is that really your name?
Thank you for your question, Muhammad Ali.
I appreciate it.
Let's hear it for Muhammad Ali.
Thank you.
This is crazy to me when people say, like, why can't you appreciate different worldviews?
I can.
I appreciate different worldviews.
That's why... Hold on a second.
Listen, the guy was bold enough to ask a question and I appreciate it.
Let's not shut him down.
Let's not do the mob rule here.
Alright?
I appreciate different points of view.
I explore different points of view.
That's why I'm free to say I don't like the crappy ones.
And I'm sorry, but if your country doesn't believe in freedom of speech and you said it, not me, it's a Western value, guess what?
I'm going with the Western values country!
If there's a country, that's okay, that's enough, your question's done.
If there's a country that says, alright, a woman needs X amount of witnesses to prove a rape, and right here we're putting Kavanaugh on trial because Christy Ford said something might have happened sometime, some space of, I have no idea where, when, how, who, and the people who she said who said, I wasn't there, I was completely full of crap.
If we're gonna bitch about that, but then talk about countries where people get off with rape completely scot-free, I go, I'm with the Western Values country!
If we have countries, if there are countries where there's death for apostasy, I don't care whether it's Islam, whether it's Christianity, or they're burning churches in record numbers, and there are people saying, hey, you know what?
I think that's wrong.
I'm with the Western Values Country!
If there's a place out there where people say that you should actually be killed for
converting or you should be subjected to some kind of dimitude or a poll tax if you don't
fall in line with some kind of religion, or if there are entire administrations, systems
of government that rely on subjugation, conversion, or death, I'm with the country that doesn't
do that!
Thank you.
And here's the thing.
It doesn't mean I hate those people.
It doesn't mean I hate all of the people in those countries.
But guess what?
If it comes into some kind of a global conflict where the country that says yes, free speech, yes, women's rights, yes, freedom of religion, yes, a democratic republic, and the countries that say none of that, all right!
Surf's up!
We're dropping some bombs!
I'm fine with that!
If the values that I'm talking about right now aren't worth fighting for, then nothing is.
It doesn't mean that I hate people.
It just means I think they're wrong.
And that's one thing the left constantly tells us.
Well, you have to think someone's right to appreciate it.
No!
What's that?
I'm not a big fan of Saudi Arabia.
That's a pretty generalized question.
What do you... Saudi Arabia!
Your move, Canadian.
And I want to close with this.
You're good.
You're done.
Thank you.
Freedom of speech, we'll kind of understand it a little better.
We can talk about it after the show.
It doesn't mean you get to keep asking questions.
Other people have lined up.
I appreciate the questions.
We do have to get going.
One thing I wanted to go back to was where we talked about earlier, this idea of fear, of whether you should speak out in your class with your professors.
And here's something that's pretty remarkable.
That person said they were afraid.
I understand it.
And we just had someone say, yeah, but those are Western values, freedom of speech.
How can you say that they're right?
One person's afraid of saying, Western values are right, I support freedom of speech.
And one person's not afraid to say, how do you know that those values are right?
Both live in this country.
Why do we make trans jokes?
Why do we make jokes about Islam?
Why do we tell jokes that sometimes are on the edge where sometimes we look in the pitch meeting and Owen, Nimmer, and I go, man, this really shouldn't make air.
And we say, but we kind of have to do it.
It's because when people tell you what you can't talk about, what you can't make fun of,
you know that you have to do it because somebody has to do it.
And here's something else I want to talk with you about.
You know, Jordan Peterson talks about telling the truth a lot, or at least not lying.
And I've talked about this a lot too, telling the truth.
Particularly not lying to yourself.
Why?
Because the lies you tell yourself will eat away at your soul for the rest of your life.
You cannot look yourself in the mirror, lie to yourself, and have respect for yourself as a human being.
And you can't even hope to change hearts or minds.
But there's something else that's really important with truth.
And to the man, I think it was Evan who asked with his cape.
And it's happened recently.
I was actually visiting northern Michigan on a long weekend.
And there's a lady, a friend of our family, her husband died.
And we said, listen, how are you doing?
And you know what she said?
You know what?
It's been really hard.
It's been really hard.
The furnace went out, and I just kind of feel like I can't handle one more thing.
And we said, listen, I know you feel that way.
I can't imagine what you're going through.
I can only try to imagine, but you probably can't.
You probably can't handle one more thing.
And she said, wow, thanks.
That's what I needed to hear.
It sounds silly.
There was someone else who had just recently gotten married.
We love this person.
She's a server, and she's always very nice, very friendly.
We said, hey, how's it going?
We just got married.
And she said, you know what, honestly?
It's kind of been tough.
It's been a tough first year.
You know what I said to my wife?
I said, the first year of marriage is always the toughest.
And I've written about that.
I've written about abstinence until marriage.
I know.
They're like, what?
You just did the Trinity named Sue joke.
Yeah, I was abstinent until I was married.
So still kind of a traditionalist Christian here.
And we're always taught this idea that there's this honeymoon phase where marriage is easy the first year.
No!
Again, if you understand that you're flawed, two very flawed, imperfect people joining in unity, the first year is hard.
And I said this to this woman, and so did my wife.
I said, yeah, listen, it gets easier.
See a counselor.
It helps.
You're two people who've lived very different lives, and now you're joining them.
Of course.
You have a certain way you do the dishes, let alone how you make your bed, let alone how you view the world.
People are going to see it differently.
Marriage is hard the first year.
And she said, you know what?
You're the first people who said that.
Now, we didn't say, let us teach you about marriage.
I didn't do the Steven Seagal thing.
I've been married four times.
And all my wives say, you're amazing.
You know, it's not like, Steven Seagal, didn't you poop your pants once on stage?
That's a lie.
We just said, marriage is really hard.
We fought like cats and dogs the first year.
And it helped her.
We just said, listen, I know, listen, I know it's really hard, this is really hard, marriage is hard, it's hard when you lose a spouse.
Sometimes just speaking the truth, it's not about how it helps yourself.
It's about everyone around you.
That's the huge thing.
When we talk about right or wrong, left or right, black or white, Indian or Injun, right?
There's one thing, there's one through line, and I hope you get this in the show, and obviously we do satire, and sometimes we go a little bit too far.
There's one through line that matters above all else, and it's truth.
It is truth, and it's not only because truth we've heard about.
Truth will set you free.
So often people hear this when we talk about truth.
And they talk about speaking truth to power, and they're talking about themselves.
They're talking about, I need to be truthful because that's better for me in the long run because no one's that good of a liar, right?
We hear that all the time.
You better tell the truth because no one's that good of a liar.
But how often do we hear people talk about how you telling the truth, and not your truth, but living the truth and telling the truth, helps everybody around you.
And if you want to know why that is, you doubt that for a second, and you talk about how you're afraid to speak out in class, you talk about how you're maybe afraid to speak out in the entertainment industry, well, guess what?
There are a lot of other people out there like you who aren't necessarily telling the truth because they're afraid.
And wouldn't it be great if every time you walked into a room, whether it's a classroom, whether it's a business meeting, you were actually aware of the fact that that sampling represented the general populace, and it was like the roar that you hear here.
Because the truth doesn't just set you free, it helps every single person around you.
And right now, today, in 2018, it is not something that I recommend.
It is absolutely your civic duty to speak the truth as often and as loudly as you can, so that everyone else can hear you!
Thank you so much, U of M!
I hear you.
I love you.
I am so appreciative and humbled.
God bless you.
God bless the United States of America.
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