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Dec. 23, 2017 - Louder with Crowder

03:37:13

Crowder's 16-Hour CNN Torture Livestream! (Part 2) | Louder With Crowder

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	All right, we are back. There we go.
	And we have a guest on with us soon here.
	One thing, I hate to actually eat while we have a guest on.
	Oh, you know what? I just realized, did I take this yet?
	I don't know. This isn't a sponsor, but it's actually, when people say what supplements are, I take very few supplements or vitamins, but there's actually just something called KSM-66.
	It's the closest thing to like a natural miracle drug.
	Really? Slash steroid.
	Yeah, it decreases cortisol, increases testosterone, helps your immune system, helps with endurance, increases hemoglobin.
	I'd like some more testosterone. They're actual double-blind, placebo-controlled clinical trials.
	So anyway... I'm just sharing this right now to help me with my energy.
	We have our guests. Hold on. I know.
	I do your thumbs up, Sound Guy Edward.
	Hold! Gosh, I've been here for 13 hours.
	Give me a break. All right, our next guest, I love him, you love him.
	He's also on the Daily Wire Network, and their Tumblr mostly sucks, but his show is pretty good.
	You love him, you follow him.
	It's the Andrew Klavan Show, at Andrew Klavan on the Twitter.
	Mr. Klavan, can you hear us, sir?
	I don't think you can hear us. Sound Guy Edward, all this thumbs up.
	Hold on a second. Sound Guy Edward didn't even have this stuff right yet.
	What's happening? I would have just taken the time to eat my raspberries.
	Now I can hear you. Oh, great!
	How are you, Mr. Clavin?
	I was so much happier before. Hey, look!
	I don't know if you know what's been going on today.
	You've been briefed? I heard that you were going to sit in front of CNN for 16 hours, but I thought even you are not that stupid.
	Well, no, you were wrong.
	16 hours, CNN, what are we, hour 12, hour 13?
	Almost 13. No, no, coming up on hour 13, right?
	6.30? Wait, we're coming up on 8 and we go to midnight, so hour 12.
	Oh, God. We have four more hours?
	Yeah. Ah!
	Don't worry, it'll go by fast. Okay.
	Sorry, Andrew. He'll be drinking.
	But here's the one. We just talked with Ben about it.
	I don't know. Are you in the same studio there as Ben right now?
	No, I saw Ben walk by outside.
	I haven't talked to him yet, though.
	And I didn't hear what you guys were talking about.
	Did he look miserable? Thank God.
	Oh, he was sobbing.
	He was terrible. Well, that's because we had some dirt on him.
	We let him know right before he leaves. All right, listen...
	That's true. So let me fill you in, Andrew.
	We have to do this with all our guests. I'm sorry, let me keep it really brief.
	The CNN hit list. The reason we're doing this, and the only way we're able to do this, as Ben said, to live like welfare queens is because of Mug Club.
	We needed 16 hours for the entire original CNN clock just to prove how bad it is, how biased it is.
	We thought we could only do this kind of like change my mind.
	Unedited, watching it all day so people can see how bad it is.
	So let me give you a really quick hit list, okay, of what's been going on today on CNN. Slow Newsday, you would think.
	not according to Blitzer. So, we started the day where they were stoking of course the
	Russian hysteria, the idea that Trump was going to fire Mueller. Then Adam Schiff on
	regarding the Mueller probe, he's been saying he has evidence for nine months, no evidence,
	not one single mention of Uranium One despite it being trending on Twitter all day. They
	said with the CHIP program, Republicans wanted to defund it and nine million tiny Tims would
	die. They used the word nine million tiny Tims, yes they did, they actually said that.
	And the funny thing is of course no mention of the fact that Republicans actually want
	to continue funding the child healthcare initiative for another five years. No mention of the
	Melbourne attacker being Afghani Sayyid Nouri, if I'm pronouncing it correctly, saying he
	did it because of mistreatment of Muslims. They didn't mention the 1995 Israel vote at
	all to situate the embassy in Jerusalem and recognize it as its capital. No mention of
	short term funding from the Republicans until January 19th.
	Remember, they said, we don't need to shut down.
	Let's just extend this to January 19th.
	Democrats had to vote on it.
	But then when they finally did, and then it was kicked to the Senate, and basically that's going to happen, they just said, oh, House votes, no government shutdown.
	Well, you mean what the Republicans pushed forward?
	And then finally, breaking news currently developing.
	Bannon said that Bush 43 was a destructive president, and of course that was actually said last October.
	So it seems to me breaking news on CNN means lie.
	Your thoughts? You're a little too kind.
	I think the fact that it's taking you 16 hours to figure out that CNN is a pack of lies is a little disturbing.
	But did you know they do this, though?
	Did you know they do this? They showed a clip of Franken, and it said earlier.
	But they meant yesterday.
	Wouldn't news usually say yesterday?
	When someone says earlier, don't you think, oh, this happened earlier today?
	So the tax bill is off the news already, right?
	That's gone. Yeah, they said 9 million Tiny Tims would die because of the tax bill.
	9 million Tiny Tims dying.
	Yeah. Is that enough Tiny Tims to kill?
	I think, you know, Tiny Tims can be incredibly annoying.
	9 million seems like a start, but there may be some escaping.
	They're always coughing in your food.
	I know. We want to fund a program to hunt them down, I think.
	Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right.
	And I'm just saying this because it's got a really mean tweet, Andrew Klavan.
	You've got to listen. You hear that word, you know, God blesses everyone.
	You've got to rush to the scene and just wipe them right off the face of the earth.
	Well, Tina, you know, tonight is the premiere of YouTube Carol, and we have Tiny Not Gay Jared in there.
	Of course, we just found out in the last segment, Tiny Not Gay Jared was riddled with AIDS, down to his last 200 CD4 cells.
	So I see a crutch by the fire without a Tiny Not Gay Jared to use it.
	Clint Howard played YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki in place of the Ghost of Marley.
	It was Clint Howard as Susan Wojcicki as Marley.
	It's a really messed up special.
	I don't know how I miss this.
	I did see Not Gay Jared as the elf on the shelf.
	I have an elf on the shelf behind me.
	I find these the creepiest little things.
	You know what they're for?
	You're supposed to put them on the shelf and they tell Santa Claus whether your kid has been naughty or nice.
	I know. So, that right there is kind of creepy, and then to have it be Not Gay Jared just kind of amps the creep exponentially.
	Yeah, it might be tiny NSA on the shelf.
	And here's the thing. It's either a complete lie, or if it's functional, there are just millions of Elf on Shelf sex tapes just ready to be dropped at any given moment.
	Yes, I know, I know.
	That's why I asked... This is not going to go well.
	The open-the-shelf in my studio has seen things you would not believe.
	I mean, you were talking about Nikki Haley at the UN. That is my porn.
	Watching Nikki Haley slap the UN around is like spanking porn to me.
	All I want is for Nikki Haley to wear leather when she attacks the people at the UN, and I would be in heaven.
	That would be it. At one point, I just really...
	Sorry, I'm eating because I haven't even had a break for dinner.
	At one point... What would you give, just for when Nikki Haley was doing her thing, sitting there, for someone to object, and just Nikki Haley looked him dead in the eye, just her talking, someone say, I object, and her go, shut up, bitch.
	How much would you give for that?
	Yeah, if she could have a whip, is it too much?
	Is it too much to ask that Nikki's given a whip to when she goes...
	Could I make her an elf on my shelf?
	It is true, though. The Elf on the Shelf is really creepy.
	I know that, you know, get by the fireplace, Christmas tree, get under the mistletoe, my wife and I, and I turn to the Elf and say, don't you look at me, and I turn it around.
	And then three hours later, it's been turned back around.
	No one knows. That's way beyond anything I wanted to know.
	In fact, I think I just went blind.
	Well, here, hold on a second.
	Let me cure what ails you.
	Ah! I was just telling Ben Shapiro.
	We did earlier. We wanted to see how many coffee beans we could fit into.
	I have a missing sternum. Take a guess how many coffee beans we could fit into my sternum.
	Oh, yeah. No, I actually knew that once.
	Wait, it'll come to me. Give me a second.
	How many coffee beans can Crowder fit into his empty sternum?
	You know, I did. I learned that in school, but I just can't remember the number.
	208. 17. 208, you turncoat Jewish slash Christian.
	Let me ask you. What's your favorite?
	There hasn't even been beer involved yet.
	This is just what happens when we get tired.
	It's almost like a boxing match where we talk about the most dangerous boxers when they're tired.
	We're so loose that now we're just winging them.
	And people are like, this special's gotten so much more fun.
	Well, hold on to your butts because it's going to get a lot worse.
	Clayman, what's your favorite moment of the year?
	If you have to pick one political moment of the year, this is our final episode.
	This is our farewell. It's our goodbye.
	What's your favorite moment of the year politically of 2017?
	This year, I actually think it has to be this tax bill passing because up until this moment, I mean, I kept going on the air.
	I didn't like Trump. You know, when he ran, I was really opposed to him being nominated.
	And then I thought, well, he's better than Hillary.
	OK, so I'll vote for Trump because he's better than Hillary.
	But it's going to be a disaster.
	And then very slowly, as the year went on, I started to think, you know what?
	This is going pretty well, you know.
	It's Gorsuch, and then we get some good judges, and then the regulatory rollback.
	All of a sudden, it's just kind of slowly, slowly building.
	But they kept selling this idea that, well, he hasn't had a legislative victory.
	When they passed that bill, I just thought, this has been the best year for conservatives since Reagan.
	I can actually remember Reagan, so this is the best year for conservatives since Reagan.
	It's been an amazing year.
	Everything Trump said he was going to do, and more, he has actually gotten done.
	You can talk about all the things he hasn't done.
	Ann Coulter is still yelling about the wall.
	She's also yelling at a wall.
	But nobody's coming across the border anymore.
	They're so scared of him.
	Right, that's right. By the way, don't think I didn't notice that that was a prick comment, and he's like, oh, I can actually remember Reagan, implying that I can't.
	But hey, but the joke's on you.
	You'll get dementia before I do, so I'll remember him for a longer period of time.
	Checkmate. You'll be ramming people with shopping carts while I'll be talking about him demanding Gordon to tear down the wall.
	So the tax bill is, you know what?
	I think you're right. I think his last week, politically, has definitely been the best of the year because he's finally gotten some stuff done.
	I'm a little upset with the passive versus active income in the tax bill.
	I think it favors people in real estate a little bit more than people in other businesses.
	But overall, 80% of Americans are going to see a tax break.
	And that's the crazy thing we've been talking about with CNN. They go, breaking news, poll, most Americans think they'll pay more under Trump's plan.
	But they're not. 80% of them will pay less.
	And where did people get that idea?
	That's where they should take the poll.
	The poll should be, why do you think you'll pay more?
	Oh, I saw it on CNN. They don't take that poll.
	That is the important poll.
	This has been the year of misinformation, the news media.
	One of Trump's greatest accomplishments has been destroying the credibility of the news media.
	I mean, they went after him.
	They thought this was going to be easy.
	We destroyed Mitt Romney.
	We went after George W. Bush.
	We called him Hitler. This is going to be...
	And he smushed them.
	They're now on self-destruct.
	I mean, Trump has this magic quality that if you attack him, it's not that he destroys you.
	It's that you ultimately destroy yourself.
	It's like Marco Rubio with the small hands comment when it ended his campaign.
	CNN is now just reporting stuff.
	They're making stuff up. You know, it's like Donald Trump is a Martian.
	Right now, right now, hold on.
	Right now it says... Pence can't stop hailing the chief.
	That's the headline in case you were wondering.
	And now they're reading a tweet. So the ritual submission and exaltation is nearly pornographic.
	So it's... Editorializing.
	Pence can't stop hailing the chief.
	And then they show a tweet based on CNN's editorializing.
	You just said 9 million Tiny Tims would die, you crazy asshole!
	And now they just move on?
	This is why we had to do this!
	This is like Sweeney Todd.
	They have just manufactured a plant where they can just ingest, poop it out, re-ingest it like it's never-ending fodder for a stupid little channel.
	It's the human centipede of news! And that is an unflattering angle.
	Quick, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it!
	Oh my god, what is that?
	It's the orc when Peter Jackson got too lazy to have a makeup department and skipped straight to CGI. We'll fix it in post.
	We'll fix it in post.
	And they're like, this is live! Oh damn!
	That's a real person!
	At least it's in 4K. There's nothing you can't fix that in post.
	And now they're reading a Rick Wilson tweet from like two months ago.
	And listen, I don't dislike Rick Wilson.
	I know he's a never-trumper. I think he's gone too far.
	They're reading a Rick Wilson tweet on CNN from months ago.
	I hate to tell you this.
	It's not that I dislike the NeverTrumps, not that I think they're dishonest.
	I just think that it's time for them to reconsider.
	When was the last time something like this happened?
	All these judges, 60 conservative judges, this regulatory rollback, which is historic.
	I know it's boring, but it's historic.
	What are they waiting for?
	When do you start being like, I like Donald.
	Yeah. You know what I realized about Donald Trump?
	He's a New York loudmouth, kind of like me.
	Half the stuff he says is just stuff that New Yorkers say.
	New Yorkers say stuff that's funny because it's so awful.
	No, I agree. He's a lot like you.
	He's kind of a dick. Exactly.
	Bingo. You know, I go back and forth.
	I'm like, oh, I think there might be enough damage on the Republican Party because he's so unpopular.
	He's given them so much fodder that we may never get another Republican again.
	But then it's counterbalanced like this week of, okay, once these legislative accomplishments go through, once you see the fruits of the labor, once people see how much money they save, right now he has a 35% approval rating.
	I think it maybe might have been 37% because the majority of people don't realize they'll pay less in taxes.
	They don't know that lowering the corporate tax rate just to be comparable to the rest of the industrialized world will result in more employment.
	You know, they don't know that this alone, fight for 15, I think it was Boeing, Wells Fargo, AT&T said our low minimum wage now goes to $15 an hour and we're giving out millions in bonuses.
	I think it might take a while.
	And then, you know what?
	Listen, there may be hope for them yet.
	But rhetorically, it's been bad.
	And that's why this last week I think was so pivotal.
	And the thing is that reality does have a voice.
	So at some point, people look around and say, you know what?
	You know, Nancy Pelosi told me Tiny Tim would die and Tiny Tim is still annoying me.
	You know, they told me that the economy was going to crash.
	It didn't crash. They told me that I wasn't going to get a tax cut.
	I did get a tax cut. Eventually, you know, that starts to filter into people's minds.
	When I talk about Reagan, you have to remember they did exactly this to Reagan.
	He was an idiot. He was a warmonger.
	He was going to blow up the world.
	He was a fool actor.
	He conflated reality with the movies he was in.
	They said all this stuff about him every day.
	60 Minutes did a whole thing about how Ronald Reagan thought reality was the movies.
	And then he slowly started to look around and thought, hey, you know, the economy is ten times better.
	And wasn't the Berlin Wall standing there before, you know, Ronald?
	Everybody said it was going to fall down and everybody said it was going to be a nuclear war.
	Reality has a voice.
	Eventually, if Trump is successful, as I think he's now going to be, I think people are going to start to scratch their chins and think maybe it's CNN. Yes.
	That's the problem. Well, at least everyone who has a layover in Atlanta who actually watches CNN, I think we're the only ones to subject themselves.
	Exactly. Well, that's the other thing.
	They're talking to you and you're the only person watching CNN who's not catching a flight.
	That's true. And the thousands of people, 16,000, 17,000 people watching us right now.
	But you're right. Reality has a voice.
	And with Reagan, it's a whisper more so.
	It's a whisper because it takes a little while to pick up on it.
	And with Ronald Reagan, the whisper was, Jimmy Carter's a pussy.
	And you're like, what was that? Jimmy Carter's a pussy.
	You're like, oh, good. Okay, we get it now.
	So hopefully that's what's going to happen.
	With Donald Trump. And who are they going to run against them?
	They've got Methuselah and Pocahontas, you know, they've got like Bernie Sanders, who actually may have passed away in the intervene since the campaign.
	I think he's now, you know, he's just a corpse, an animated metronic corpse, going, ah, we take everybody's money and give it to the poor people, it'll be great.
	And then you get Elizabeth Sanders, who I could, I would Pay money to watch her debate at Donald Trump, I think.
	Has Wolf Blitzer's face moved?
	A lap right. It's true.
	Wolf Blitzer can't read prompter, Clayton.
	I don't know if you can see, he's the worst person at reading.
	I don't, I mean, this is just, it's almost like you could teach a college course in mediocrity with Wolf Blitzer.
	Like, hey, Mediocre Choices 101, Wolf Blitzer.
	That would be the name of the subject.
	How many of these old people working technology are going, I think my TV's frozen!
	It's, oh! Oh no!
	That's just Wolf Blitzer.
	We're good.
	I just noticed there, Chiron was official confirms Comey's account that Trump asked
	for loyalty.
	I don't think anybody else was in the room when that happened.
	No, no, no. McCabe was.
	And that's, by the way, that's from yesterday.
	7.5 hours of questioning.
	And McCabe said, I don't have any proof at all in Trump dossier.
	And they're like, hey, do you know if there's any truth to Comey saying that Trump asked him to be loyal to him?
	He's like, yeah, I think that happened.
	And that's the breaking news now.
	Yeah, that's the news story.
	And he couldn't even get his story straight.
	Oh my gosh. And I just, you know, Will Blitzer, look, everything that he does is a choice.
	The hair, the glasses, the beard.
	Still hasn't moved. The choice to drink a bucket of salt water before he goes on air.
	So, like, the guy is just out of his mind.
	He's just, I don't think he's, he's worse than Ron Burgundy.
	He is the Olive Garden of news commentary.
	Just aggressively mediocre.
	All right. All right.
	I think we probably have to get going, right?
	We do have to get going. We do have to get going. All right, Andrew Clevin.
	Oh, there's a story here today.
	They surprised me with some carolers, by the way.
	Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.
	If you could tweet it out, that'd be much appreciated.
	We want to get this trending just so that Don Lemon gets really mad at his makeup artist and says, Don't talk to me!
	Leave me alone! And runs away.
	I'm embarrassed to say I think I tweeted that out already.
	Very nice, very nice.
	So Don Lemon knows we're here.
	They're in the building! I don't know why he sounds like Hermie the Elf.
	Don Lemon wants to be a dentist!
	So, there was something I was going to say before that.
	Carolers. Oh, the Carolers.
	So we had Carolers come in. I swear to you, Gerald can confirm this story.
	Gerald, say hi to Andrew. Hi, Andrew.
	Shut up. Okay, so we had Carolers.
	We had Carolers here to sing us beautiful Carolers, Andrew.
	Really talented. Three Carolers come in, and they sang Silent Night, God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
	Anyway, long story short, they were like, we can't sing Carol of the Bells.
	And I'm saying, well, but I love Carol of the Bells.
	Turns out there were four carolers.
	And the fourth caroler in the green room, I shit you not, had a nervous breakdown when she saw me on the monitor.
	Said, I just, I can't, I can't for that monster!
	I can't do it!
	I can't! And they were like, what?
	She's trembling. And one of them was gay who had eyes for not gay Jared.
	And the other one was a fan.
	He was like, my kids are going to say loves this.
	So I only saw three, but there were four and one flat out refused.
	Like she had to be helped out to the car because she was so traumatized at the mere idea of singing Carol of the Bells to me.
	You would have thought you walked her into Hitler's bunker.
	I have to be honest.
	I was screaming like that too when they carried me in here, but there were just too many of them.
	And he was carried in by carolers.
	Why are you dressed? And they just said, nah, this is a sex thing.
	We're going on. We're going to Folsom.
	All right. No, it's true, but that just goes to show the left how far they've gone.
	Darren, you know, the books of the show, said, listen, what do you know about the show?
	What do you know about the show? She couldn't answer, like her diaphragm.
	She had to get a paper bag.
	He goes, listen, if you disagree with him, how about you go in?
	This is a show that's done like four hours of Change My Mind, where I sit down with people who want to physically hurt me.
	And she's like, I just can't!
	And she left.
	So we put out a poll, and you used to be Jewish, but now you're a Gentile, Christian, redeemed.
	So I thought maybe you might have a good perspective on this, because...
	You've gone from miser to generous.
	Let me ask you, do I pay...
	I know that really happened. Confirmed.
	We paid for a quartet.
	Do I prorate it and take away a quarter of it?
	Well, you know, as a Christian, I'd have to say you should forgive them.
	As a Jew, I've got to tell you, you sued.
	All right, on that note, Andrew Klavan, the Andrew Klavan Show at DailyWire.com.
	Merry Christmas. I'll say Happy Hanukkah to cover my bases, and Happy New Year.
	Thanks so much, Andrew. You're one of our favorites.
	Merry Christmas, Grotter. I'll see you soon.
	All right, God bless. That was nice.
	That was fun. I knew it was a layup for him.
	Yeah, exactly. As a Jew.
	God bless Andrew Klavan and Ben Shapiro.
	Nice guy. Thanks for letting me say hi.
	I know. I just wanted to embarrass you publicly.
	Okay, hold on a second. I have a schedule here.
	I hope it wasn't that rude, guys.
	I'm sorry that I have to eat right now.
	I don't have time to go to dinner. Who cares?
	Nobody cares. You are good.
	Hold on a second. It says on the schedule that there's a surprise performance.
	Is this Anderson Cooper right now?
	No. No, he hasn't time.
	No, it is Anderson Cooper.
	Yeah, but it's not him. He's not on there.
	So it's Wolf Blitzer? Whoever it was just then, yeah.
	Gosh! I kind of poked you during that interview, and I'm glad you ignored me, but the headline at 7.01, primetime headline, Mar-a-Lago raises rates for New Year's.
	Here's Eve. Oh yeah.
	I was like, are you kidding me?
	That's news primetime 701 central?
	I couldn't care less. Yeah, exactly.
	And they used a stock photo of him from 2016, December 31st.
	I'm like, guys, something, can anything be recent?
	By the way, have you received Mar-a-Lago?
	No. We went to Palm Beach, my wife and I. Is it good?
	No, it's very gaudy.
	Well, you don't like gaudy.
	Remember that house? I don't like gaudy, yeah.
	Yeah, that one house.
	Oh, you ate it. Gosh. Yeah, it was like the gaudies lived there.
	Yeah. Tile everywhere.
	I'm not a big fan of gaudy. Even on the walls.
	Have you ever seen Donald Trump's penthouse in New York?
	Yes. Oh, it is just awful.
	It's terrible. He has bad taste.
	It's terrible. That's one claim that I will level against him.
	One criticism. There's a lot of criticism I'll level against him.
	Well, that's one on top of the others. But the fact that his penthouse looks like Richie Rich's treehouse...
	I think it's the most obvious. You know, he's like reading comic books.
	He's like, yeah, we got to do that. By the way, the people tuning in saying, why are you eating?
	Because I've been here since 8 a.m.
	That's right. Okay. It takes a lot of effort.
	Okay. And CNN screwed me.
	They screw you with the headlines.
	So, let me tell you this.
	Shut up. The only reason we're able to do this, and by the way, it's trending this morning.
	We need to get it back up trending so Don Lemon just freaks out on his makeup artist.
	I want that tape. I want the Mel Gibson audio tape, but of Don Lemon screaming at a hairstylist.
	Yeah. Okay. Shut up, sugar tits!
	I told you that I didn't want the deeper!
	Whoa, whoa, hi.
	So, the only reason we're able to do this is liveworkout.com slash mugclub.
	$99 annually, $69 for students, veterans, active military.
	Enter in the promo code. And if you're a student of life, it's Christmas.
	Right now, we'll give it to you. We are able to call CNN on their bullcrap because we're not beholden to sponsors who might pull from us.
	Because we're not beholden to YouTube who might try to throttle us.
	All the big supporters of net neutrality, ironically.
	Facebook, Twitter, YouTube. They've been gunning for us for years, and thank you so much to people who do it.
	And by the way, Sven Computer is going to read out some more of you, not now, but later on, who've joined Mug Club, because every time someone joins Mug Club, Muhammad is raped in hell.
	There we go. I guess there's a surprise performance?
	We have a surprise performance. Please tell me it's not going to be...
	Is it something that...
	Do I need to... Is it going to spill my drink?
	No, no, you should be okay.
	Am I going to slow up? No, you're fine.
	I'm not closing my eyes. Do I have to close my eyes?
	No, you don't have to close your eyes. Okay, good. All right, so I don't want to get theological on everybody, but it is the season to be a little bit fruity for the gospel here.
	So what I'm thinking here is, I spent a lot of time thinking about Christmas.
	Yeah. Is it about Jesus or is it about Santa Claus?
	Are you asking me? Yeah, what say you?
	Well, I know this is a trick question, because I'm supposed to say Jesus.
	I'm supposed to say Jesus. But corporate America is...
	Try to convince us.
	Yeah, it's about that. I like both.
	You like both? I like both.
	Gerald, what's about you? Well, I mean, it's definitely about Jesus, but I love me some Santa Claus.
	You love me some Santa Claus? Yeah.
	Nice fella. I like that Krampus.
	She's a dick. Well, the tension has gone on for far too long, and I think it's time to resolve the tension.
	Is it Jesus or Santa?
	Is it Jesus or Santa? Oh my God.
	If this is what I think it's going to be, I'm going to lose my mind.
	Gerald? Are there going to be midgets?
	Please take the right chair, Gerald.
	Okay. Listen, hashtag CrowderCNN livestream.
	If this is what I think, it's been like a lifelong dream of mine, and I am not even going to feel bad about it.
	I think it's time to roll in.
	Tonight's guests. All right.
	Tonight's guests. And here we go.
	The guests. The guests.
	All right. Drum roll.
	Drum roll. Drum roll.
	Drum roll. Drum roll.
	Let's go. Yes!
	Yes! Jesus and Santa!
	I love you, my show. Really?
	Yes. Oh, I thought you meant like you were a fan of the show, but it's something Jesus would say.
	Yeah. Thank you so much.
	So with a female Santa and a male Jesus, apparently it's very touchy.
	Thank you very much for being here, Santa and Jesus.
	Thank you for having us.
	Okay, so I hear you're going to settle this, what Christmas is about.
	Yes, sir. Okay.
	Yes, my child. Okay.
	Okay, I'll let you, I'll just, I will just, I'm going to be a blank canvas here because you have no idea how excited I am for this.
	Jesus versus Santa.
	Okay, I'll let you take the reins.
	Jesus, take the wheel.
	Oh boy. Jesus will take the Bible.
	Okay. Please listen.
	Now it happened in those days...
	Excuse me. Oh, you can sit next to me if you'd like to.
	Right here. Right here in the chair.
	Right here. Wherever is easiest.
	Jesus, please. Jesus.
	Jesus. Santa, please.
	Santa's camouflage with the red chair, but I think it's fine.
	It's a high-intress camera. Okay, Jesus, thank you very much.
	And Jesus has to wear glasses.
	He's sorry. Well, maybe you should make that your next miracle.
	LASIK. Amen. Okay.
	Now, it happened.
	In those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world shall be enrolled.
	This was the first enrollment made when Cuneras was governor of Syria.
	All went to enroll themselves, everyone to his own city.
	Joseph also went up from Galilee out of the city of Nazareth into Judea
	to the city of David which is called Bethlehem because he was of
	The house and family of David to enroll himself with Mary who being pregnant was pledged to be married to him
	It happened while they were there that the day had come that she should give birth
	she brought forth her firstborn son and she wrapped him in Bands of cloth and laid him in a feeding trough
	Because there was no room for them in the end there were shepherds in the same country staying in the
	field and Keeping watch by night over their flock behold an angel of
	the Lord stood by them and the glory of the Lord Shown around them and they were terrified the angel said to
	them. Don't be afraid for behold. I Bring you good news of great joy, which will be to be
	Stephen and to all the people For there is born to you this day in the city of David a
	Savior who is Christ the Lord This is the sign to you. You will find a baby wrapped in
	strips of cloth lying in a feeding trough Suddenly, there was, with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly hosts praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest.
	On earth, peace, goodwill towards Stephen.
	Okay, so that's my customized Bible.
	Thank you very much. That must be my Bible, the one that Hillary gave.
	That's why Stephen is in there. Can I ask you, did my wife give you those socks?
	Depends on who your wife is, sir.
	The tall blonde lady in the green room.
	I gotta hold him on.
	Jesus cannot tell a lie.
	Yes. I knew it!
	My wife gave Jesus my socks.
	And you think it's our biggest fight.
	I'm like, where are my socks?
	And she always, you know, I mean, you know, listen, Jesus, you're a nice guy.
	I just, it's not you, but my, sweetheart, don't give, even if it is Jesus, don't give my socks away.
	I knew it was my socks. Okay, thank you so much, Jesus.
	I really appreciate it. By the way, do you need some water or something?
	I know it's probably hot in here.
	At this point, I'm good. Okay, at this point, you're good.
	And then we have Santa Claus.
	We have Santa Claus. Okay, so this is him, Jesus, and now Santa Claus.
	Now, what's the goal here to see who...
	This is a little bit of backstory. This is what this is.
	This is a little bit of backstory of the traditions.
	Of the traditions. It's good to get to know the characters of our story.
	Okay, good to know. Can I ask you a question?
	This is kind of a sensitive, but a lot of people don't know.
	For little people, what's the right word?
	Because someone got mad at me and said it's dwarf.
	Dwarf, it is. That's correct.
	A little person. Okay, all right.
	Someone got mad at me once when I said dwarf, too, so it seems like there's no right way to say it.
	God forgives and God forgets.
	Okay, well, thank you. Thank you very much.
	Okay, now we know.
	So I just want to make sure, you know, you have to get that awkward phase out of the way, so it's dwarf.
	Okay, thank you so much. Santa, let's hear your origin story.
	Oh, you're going to read?
	Or is Jesus going to read for you?
	Yeah, Jesus is going to read for me. Okay. Sorry, I'll take this.
	Jesus will read, I guess. That's what I'm saying.
	Jesus, if you need some water...
	All right. Okay.
	Now, Jesus, I might chime in a little bit for the audience because, you know, as we go, because I don't know how long the story is.
	You can just go to the last half, he's saying.
	Yeah, you don't need to read the whole story.
	You got it. All right.
	T'was the night before Christmas when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
	Yeah. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St.
	Nicholas would soon be there.
	That's you. That's you.
	Come on now. The children were all nestled, all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.
	And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
	All right. I think you can skip to the rest, toward the end, because the night before Christmas gets a little long.
	I'm not going to lie. Amen. It sure does.
	Amen. We all know how it ends.
	Jesus is a little long-winded sometimes.
	It happens. Well, listen.
	Jesus was used to sermons on the mound.
	We're on a time clock, the CNN clock here.
	There you are. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, and turned with a jerk.
	And laying his finger aside of his nose, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
	There we go. Got some origin stories with Jesus and with Santa.
	I'm going to be honest with you.
	I don't necessarily think that cleared up a lot of confusion with the Santa and Jesus origins.
	I think we kind of knew this.
	It's a reasonable point. But I appreciate it very much, the performance, the performative aspect of it.
	That's why, to clear up some confusion and settle this once and for all, we have to put this to a death match.
	Okay. Well, no one's going to die in my studio.
	No one's going to die in your studio. That would be messy.
	But we're going to settle this.
	Okay. Here. Now.
	For forever. I feel like you're gearing me up for something, but now you're building it up too much.
	Just out with it. What are we going to do?
	Alright, it is time for Santa and Jesus to mud wrestle and figgy pudding for Christmas.
	Wow! Okay, mud wrestle and figgy pudding for Christmas.
	Is there music going out to the audience that I can't hear?
	No. No? Okay, I thought you were going to have a music final countdown play or something.
	This is where you still learn when to turn the other cheek.
	Okay. Right here. With the rest, so you're not because you're teaching me a lesson.
	Correct. Okay. Okay, one thing.
	All right. So you prefer dwarf to little people.
	Well, everyone's...
	A little person on dwarf. Little person.
	Okay. Little person.
	Now, I know because I... And I know the...
	Well, okay. But is there any reservation about physically assaulting a woman?
	Well, I mean, you're both dwarves, little people, but one of you is male.
	But this is just something you...
	Right. You feel bad?
	Oh, well, but I know, but I mean, if you're actually going to wrestle in figgy pudding, my point is, like, it's not about the little people thing, but you're going to wrestle a woman.
	You're like the Andy Kaufman of Jesus.
	Well, you're okay with this?
	Okay. Okay, I just want to make sure I'm not forcing anyone to do it.
	Like I said, this is where Jesus has to turn the other cheek.
	Okay, alright. It sounds to me like Jesus might take a dive.
	Well, Jesus will protect himself, though.
	Okay, alright.
	So, let me move this here out of the way.
	Can I sit here, or do I need to move?
	You're good, right there. You're good, right there.
	This seems like a real disaster waiting to happen.
	It is, of course. Let's move this a little bit more that way.
	Do not see Jesus. I have a question.
	Would you like to join us? I can't join you because I still have to go to midnight.
	Yeah. What is this?
	Okay. Alright. It's not as messy as I... Is this bubble tea bubbles?
	Just about. Here's the disappointing truth.
	I was so excited about figgy pudding.
	I didn't know figgy pudding is not actually pudding.
	It's more like cake.
	Make sure there's no water in there, just the bubbles.
	Just the bubbles. Okay, alright.
	But it looks like figgy pudding.
	So Jesus and Santa are going to wrestle in figgy pudding to determine the true meaning of Christmas.
	Eat your heart out, Linus.
	No, we still have figgy pudding.
	Is that figgy pudding? Okay.
	Hold on a second. Let me see.
	Breaking news. FBI officials back up coming to claim that President Trump asked for loyalty.
	Okay, no, I just wanted to make sure we weren't missing any breaking news.
	Don't worry, guys. This stream is way more entertaining.
	Nothing has happened. If it does, we'll let you know.
	I hope that's figgy pudding.
	Yes, I know. I would hope, too, as well.
	All right, guys, are you going to be able to clean up after this?
	Oh, yeah. We're all planned. Alright.
	Alright, dude, do we have any music to count them down or something?
	We'll have some music. Okay.
	How does this start? Alright.
	Jared, just don't take so long because the anticipation is killing me and also they're on the clock.
	I don't want it to be like the fourth caroler where I have to pay for someone who walks out because they don't like you.
	This is three rounds, three 30 second rounds.
	Three 30 second rounds. Oh, this is short.
	We're going to hit the bell. We're done.
	And Stephen, you are our judge this evening, so you have to decide who...
	So three three-minute rounds between Santa and Jesus to determine the true meaning of Christmas.
	I'm just the judge? You're the judge.
	Okay, well I think we should have a panel of judges.
	So I think it should be Jared and Sven.
	A panel of three judges. That's how they do it with boxing.
	Now hold on a second, hold on a second, hold on a second.
	Is this a...
	A round-by-round scoring or the totality of the bout?
	Because, you know, we have a five-round must system in MMA. So what's required for, like, a 10-8 round between Jesus and Santa?
	Jesus and Santa? That's a good point.
	Okay, I'll tell you what. I will award extra points for puns.
	For Santa-slash-Jesus-related puns.
	Like deck the halls?
	Like deck the halls. Or, like, away in a manger.
	You know? These are just suggestions.
	Feel free to make them your own. Okay, you might need to help me through this.
	Okay. I love that you're committing to the character.
	Thank you so much for this. Okay, this is awesome.
	It's kind of cold in here, but...
	Is it? Jesus is going to take off his glasses.
	Yes. Okay, I'll put these right here.
	I'll make sure nothing gets damaged.
	Even this is cold? Yeah.
	I'm sorry. I didn't realize.
	We should have warmed up with Figgy Pudding.
	We should have warmed up with Figgy Pudding. We need some, like, get-going music.
	All right. Does anyone have any get-going music?
	Do you have anything? This Figgy Pudding's frozen.
	It's a puck. It's a Figgy Puck.
	Well, don't throw it. Okay.
	Okay. Rules. Okay?
	Rules of engagement. You cannot hit each other with the Figgy Puck, because that could cause serious concussions, and I don't want any liability here in the studio.
	No. And I don't want anyone getting hurt.
	No. Now, are you two, like, have you known each other for a long time?
	Are you an item?
	Jesus and Santa Claus an item.
	Okay, all right. I can see there's no breaking you, sir.
	I respect it. You're like Daniel Day-Lewis and the last of the Mohicans, only Jesus.
	Okay, all right.
	Are we ready? Here we go.
	Count you down. Three rounds of 30 seconds between Jesus and Santa Claus to find out the true meaning of Christmas in 5, 4...
	Three, two, go!
	Go! Christmas, go!
	Deck the halls! Deck the halls!
	Going for a double leg! Going for a double leg!
	Oh, oh! She's stuffing it with a sprawl!
	Stuffing it with a sprawl! How much longer do we have now?
	10 seconds! 10 seconds!
	Go, go, go, go! No one has any points!
	Go reversal!
	Oh! Oh!
	Oh! Okay, time!
	Time! About 30 seconds!
	To your corners! To your corners!
	To your corners! Hey, that's the Jack! That's the Jack Dempsey rule!
	Jesus, you gotta get here with us!
	No, no, no, no! He's got the rest of the show!
	You gotta give her some room! You gotta give her time to recover!
	Okay, I gotta tell you, I'm gonna be honest with that round.
	It was a draw. Okay, none of you scored any points yet, because he went for a takedown, and he defended perfectly.
	He had good sprawl. Good technique.
	So Jesus, if you want to be the true man, you've got to start chaining your takedowns.
	Go for a low single, we call it a high crutch, where you go for that high single, then transition to a double leg, and Santa...
	You're lecturing Jesus on takedowns?
	You can just... I am. I am.
	The son of man can't learn takedowns?
	Maybe. Thank you, sir.
	Because you got rock-style takedown defense.
	Okay, ready? Round two in five, four, three, two, go!
	Do it for Christmas! Let's go!
	Oh, oh, oh! Let's go! Oh, gosh!
	No, she's gone! She's gone! Oh no no no no no no no!
	Technically! Technically there's no take down here!
	Come on, let's go! Go to his back!
	Get the hoops in! Oh, he's dead!
	You're hoaxing Jesus to get the rear naked choke!
	Five seconds!
	Five seconds! Five seconds!
	Four! Three! Two!
	Okay, round it over. Okay, round is over.
	Alright, hold on a second. Hold on a second.
	If you need some time to recover, Jesus, I appreciate it.
	If you need to fix your hair, this has been amazing.
	But I have to be honest, there weren't any official points scored.
	Now, technically...
	I have to give you an advantage, which isn't the point, but because you did get him with four points of contact on the ground.
	So, she made... Santa, sorry, actually, Santa made Jesus work for it.
	So, Jesus, you got...
	Right now, Jesus, you got to go for broke.
	You gotta end this, Jesus.
	Okay. Jesus, you gotta end this.
	Otherwise, Santa wins forevermore.
	Alright, are you both ready? Do you need another second?
	No, I'm good. Okay, alright.
	This is really good. This is really good.
	Okay. For the true meaning of Christmas, all the red and green chips...
	Remember what I told you about chaining takedowns?
	Five... Four...
	Three... Two.
	Go! True May of Christmas!
	Dick the Hulk! Dick the Hulk!
	Dick the pun! He got a pun!
	Oh, she got a headlock! She got a headlock!
	She got a headlock, but he got the pun!
	Oh! Oh!
	There's a dick down for Jesus!
	That's two points for Jesus!
	That's two points for Jesus!
	But it's still a hollow victory because Santa's a woman!
	Okay! Alright!
	Time! Time! Time!
	Everyone give a round of applause!
	Woo! Alright guys, step on over here!
	Someone help Jesus with his wig!
	Someone help Jesus. Thank you so much, Jesus and Santa.
	That was awesome. That was awesome.
	This was great. So listen, I'm going to be honest.
	As much as I love you, Santa, I'm kind of glad that Jesus got the better of it.
	Because the true meaning of the season is Jesus.
	Amen. But what was that?
	Jesus and Santa are out of shape.
	It's been a while since they've had a royal rumble, though.
	But you made up for it in tenacity.
	So this was... Now, do you do this a lot?
	No, it's my first time.
	You've never butted us on the Piggy Pudding for Christmas?
	No. Jesus. It's kind of fun.
	Never. Okay.
	And Jesus will never... Oh boy, I hope it was an overall positive experience, because we very much appreciate it, and I know you guys were just, were troopers here tonight, because it was cold in the studio, it wasn't really figgy pudding, and I don't, do we have a belt or anything like that?
	We don't have a belt. We should wear, we should come up with a belt.
	Okay, well, thank you so much.
	I will tell you this, we've had a much better experience with you than the carolers.
	One of them was just, was just not having it, and Jesus and Santa, thank you so much.
	Is that, Jared, are we, We're good.
	Thank you so much. Jesus and Santa.
	Thank you very much.
	I need it. I believe all of us need it.
	Jesus and Santa, thank you so much.
	We appreciate you being such good sports.
	Everyone, show us you love it.
	Oh, you know what? What, are you trying to give him the belt?
	Okay, you know what? Jesus, hold on a second.
	Let's get this. Let's give Jesus' belt here.
	Jesus has the Wonder Woman belt of Christmas.
	Now you've got to go over one shoulder. There you go.
	I feel complete now. There you go.
	That completes you.
	Amen. Thank you, Wrestling Jesus and Wrestling Santa Claus.
	We appreciate it.
	Merry Christmas. Kwanzaa's not a real holiday.
	It's all about Christmas and the Jesus and Santa.
	All right, hold on one second.
	You know what? We probably need to roll to after this.
	Are we going to go to the fourth Christmas Carol?
	Okay, so everyone, thank you so much.
	Let us know your favorite moment of the special right now.
	We have to go to segment four of the YouTube Christmas Carol.
	So when we last left Ebenezer, he had been visited by Ghost of Christmas Present.
	Past, present, and now, of course, the scariest of all specters, the ghost of Christmas yet to come.
	And segment five will be at the finale of tonight.
	Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.
	Let us know in the hashtag how you feel about Santa and Jesus wrestling.
	And enjoy segment four of our mini-World Series premiere, A YouTube Carol.
	Petrified, Ebenezer YouTube found himself to be a praying man in a futile attempt to bargain with death.
	But he feared it to be a fruitless endeavor, for it is appointed to a man once to die.
	Petrified, Ebenezer Utube found himself to be a praying man, in a futile attempt to bargain
	with death.
	But he feared it to be a fruitless endeavor, for it is appointed to a man once to die.
	Are you the spirit of YouTube yet to come?
	Thanks for watching!
	Oh, Spirit, I fear you more than any spectre I've yet met.
	But I am prepared to follow, for thankful.
	Will you not speak to me?
	Oh, yes. Yes, not.
	It's night, just wait and fast. Lay down spirit.
	My video got 3 million plays in only 48 hours.
	Where'd you do that? I uploaded it to Vimeo.
	You have got far more plays if you uploaded it to Gab.
	Oh, bugger off with Gab.
	Vimeo's play has been top now for years.
	That's where you go if you want to be seen.
	But Twitch has the better interface.
	But Vimeo has better eyeballs.
	Gab has the most open platform.
	Well, you could have always just uploaded it to YouTube!
	YouTube! If your ship death was your goal!
	I bet you wouldn't find the trending list!
	Oh, they are s**t!
	They really are s**t!
	Then, then, we upload it to my space!
	I understand, Spirit.
	This destiny of you two might be on my own, dear.
	Should I continue on my path now?
	Mr. Full Heavensville, show me some tenderness in this world.
	Or I'll be haunted by that terrible conversation forever.
	Oh, yes, spirit.
	Shangar Crescent and Tiny.K.Jarrod's house.
	Oh, this is a place of great joy and laughter.
	Thank you for bringing me here.
	It's so quiet. Why is it so quiet, spirit?
	I'm scared.
	you you
	No spirit, not that it aged. Spirit, must there be an awful Christmas that brings about
	a scene like this?
	How could we endure it?
	Tell me no more!
	Spirit, must we return to this place?
	Bye.
	you Or is there something else I must know?
	Is that not true? Spirit, I must ask, are these the shadows of YouTube that will be?
	Or merely the shadows of YouTube that may be ill-doing.
	Why would you torment me so that these events cannot be changed?
	I'm going to be a good man.
	A website can be made right.
	The future of YouTube can be changed!
	Hi Space!
	A spirit of heaven, no?
	Why would you show me this if I was past our hope?
	If these events can't be changed?
	I promise, spirit, I'm not the man I was.
	I'm not the man I was.
	I promise I will order the freedom of speech and leave my platform open to all voices.
	I will honour those who've built my fortune, regardless of political leading spirit.
	I promise I'm not the man I was.
	I will be here today.
	I promise to stop robbing good and greaties with my bullshit algorithms.
	I promise spirit to be transparent and to keep the original spirit of you two all year long.
	Please spirit, I will not forget the lessons in my space that I have taught my life.
	I will not forget the lessons of f***ing anger.
	To make away the comfort of me, spirit.
	Spirit. Have you joined them?
	No, no, no, no!
	Ow! Ow! Ow!
	Ow! Ow! Ow!
	Ow!
	Oh, I was wrong all this time, Rudolph.
	Here we are in this storm and you, the misfit, saved us.
	I guess what I'm trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh to...
	No, seriously, Santa, screw you.
	Yeah, you're just using him now because you need him during a storm.
	What happens when the weather's clear outside?
	Little Rudolph here will be venison faster than you can say Merry Christmas.
	Okay, so SimpliSafe's big selling point is that it's mostly wireless and you can install it, even a dope like me, in under an hour.
	we're going to put that to the test.
	Central location, this is a central location.
	But there's my wife's essential oil diffuser.
	So I have to decide between being safe, potentially not mugged, murdered, raped in my sleep, or the smell of nutmeg.
	This is my old badge.
	Well, hopefully we don't get robbed by any midgets So
	So that sound is clearly obnoxious, but I think that's the point.
	Took less than 40 minutes to get everything installed.
	We didn't have glass break sensors, which in one area will be useful, so we're going to order those.
	And having worked with other alarm systems that were wired into a house, this was a lot easier and certainly seems reliable.
	Everything that we've tested works.
	So simplisafe.com slash Crowder, you get $200 off right now.
	And I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.
	Plus, I have an excuse to unplug the essential oil diffuser, which was really annoying.
	SimpliSafe.com. I hate you.
	All right, we are back and so is Hopper.
	Good Lord, that happened. Hashtag Crowder CNN livestream.
	Get it going. I want Don Lemon to come in here living.
	Hey, look, breaking news on CNN right now.
	Bring up the volume for people who can't hear.
	UN votes 128 to 9 to condemn U.S. Embassy move to Jerusalem.
	And, oh, we're bringing back on the John O. Brennan tweet admonishing President Trump for admonishing the UN for admonishing his action in recognizing the embassy.
	I've lost track of admonishings.
	Admonishing his admonishment of the tweet, too.
	Precisely zero has changed since 840 this morning.
	Nothing. For people who don't know, and what did you guys think of the dwarf wrestling?
	Oh my gosh. Of course, we're always grateful to read your feedback.
	Coming up next, we have, of course, former UFC fighter Chael Sonnen, current Bellator fighter.
	So he might have some pointers on there.
	Yeah, some advice for them. You were trying to give him some takedown advice.
	Again, lecturing Jesus, something I never thought I'd see.
	I never thought I would lecture dwarf Jesus on how to chain takedowns against Santa.
	But it did happen. But it did happen, and let me tell you, we're mirroring.
	This is what psychologists call mirroring.
	So the level of absurdity...
	On CNN and Wolf Blitzer, the level of absurdity with their fake news.
	We're marrying that with a certain level of absurdity.
	Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I don't want you to drip it all over your terrible iPad.
	With a certain level of absurdity here in the studio.
	Yes. This is what happens with your brain on CNN for 12 hours.
	It could only be...
	Yeah. Proven by watching it for 16 hours straight.
	Yeah. There is no way to, any other way, actually verify just how bad this is.
	And for the people, for the tens of thousands of people who've stayed with us all day or had us going, man, you guys are troopers.
	Love you guys. Thank you so much. And I really hope that for those who've joined, you feel that Mug Club has been worth it because this is our first year.
	We went daily and we have been trying to go above and beyond.
	Sometimes we fall short. By the way, did you mean to say, refer to our dwarf Jesus as troopers?
	Yes. That was a very conscious decision.
	Now, where did you get them?
	It was basically Rent-A-Midget.com.
	Was it Rent-A-Midget or Rent-A-Dwarf?
	They didn't specify actually the URL. You said that was the URL. He said basically.
	Figuratively. Yes, basically.
	Figuratively the URL. So it's not like you knew them.
	It's a talent agency. Here's something though.
	I emailed them. I was like, hey, doing a production?
	I didn't even specify Christmas.
	What? They said, how many elves do you want?
	They assumed that.
	Not me. Really?
	They boxed them in. But they were super nice people, by the way.
	Yeah. I got to talk to them beforehand, too.
	What about after? Oh, I absolutely loved it.
	Said they had a great time. Hope we all had a Merry Christmas.
	So, all you people saying that it's exploitative.
	I know it's the people who bitch about something being exploitative.
	It's not the people who are doing it.
	Well, you gotta talk to Hillary about this because she was like, I was so worried that when I went in there to tell them what was going on, they were like, oh, no, no, that sounds reasonable.
	At least there's not, like, oil and stuff like that.
	She's like, they're kind of fine with it.
	I guess this happens. She was a good-looking Dane.
	Actually, Jesus wasn't a bad guy either.
	I couldn't really see much, but they were good-looking.
	So I guess they're a couple? They're a couple.
	Are they married? No, I think they're referred to as girlfriends, so not married.
	Okay, but a good-looking couple, and I was...
	I was very surprised.
	I'm glad, you know, because people who don't know this, if you remember the story, we went to rentadwarf.com, and we wanted them for CPAC one year, and they said, we think you're going to use this for untoward purposes.
	I said, you are rentadwarf.com.
	Please, do tell me.
	What purpose would not be untoward for us to rent one of your dwarves?
	And by the way, no one wants to hurt them.
	But listen, let's be honest. Do you not think that they know that Dwarf Santa and Jesus wrestling is funny?
	Yes, but also... You think that's lost on them?
	If you put it in full people costumes, like normal-sized people doing it, it's not nearly as funny.
	No, exactly. So it's a...
	It's all about the proportions. And they were cool with it.
	They were really nice people. And we delivered the Christmas story, the real Christmas story.
	Well, make sure we keep their card on file, because I can give a million different videos where we could use them.
	Look, this isn't Wolf of Wall Street.
	We're throwing them against a bullseye, right, and betting money on it.
	You know, they could still be watching this right now on the way home.
	Like, let me go check out this Louder with Crowder and their dicks.
	So just, you know, careful. No, I was being nice.
	No, you weren't. You were being a horrible human being.
	You heard it? I heard it.
	No, this is not true. We'll fix it.
	Big news. Hold on. Breaking news.
	Breaking news. Former CIA director lashes out at Trump.
	This is an actual headline.
	Breaking news. Former CIA director lashes out at President Trump.
	Over threat to pull UN funding.
	Over condemning Jerusalem decision.
	One more time, I'll read it for you.
	Breaking news. Former, so not...
	Former CIA director lashes out at President Trump over threat to poll UN funding over condemning Jerusalem decision.
	Do you realize there couldn't be...
	I've seen school news programs, like middle school news programs with more weighty news.
	There couldn't be. And now coming up, Pence is praised for the president.
	Again. Oh my god, really?
	Oh wow, some people are mad that the Jews have a plot of land and the vice president likes the president?
	This is news? And these people have multi-million dollar salaries.
	I think Anderson Cooper makes like 20 million a year.
	What? We have our next guest ready to go.
	We have our next guest. Okay, we have our next guest ready to go.
	Tune down to CNN a little bit.
	Of course, he is a former UFC bad boy.
	No, we don't have him? Not quite.
	Oh, okay, I thought we had him. Oh, different.
	Oh, hey. Lauren Southern.
	Oh, Lauren Southern. I was like, that's not chill.
	I'm glad I'm in the chair. Hi, Lauren.
	How are you? I'm very good.
	How are you? I'm doing well.
	Merry Christmas. Did you see your lead-in segment before this?
	No, I didn't. We had dwarf Santa and Jesus wrestle for the true meaning of Christmas.
	So we had a dwarf Jesus and a dwarf Santa wrestle in figgy pudding.
	So true meaning of Christmas is still Jesus.
	He emerged victorious, namely because he was wrestling a woman.
	He beat the dwarfs, so that means the meaning of Christmas.
	Okay, I understand. No, no, no, they were both dwarfs.
	They were both dwarfs. Oh, Jesus was a dwarf as well.
	Jesus dwarf, Santa dwarf, wrestling and figgy pudding, intergender champion, Jesus won on points.
	Three rounds. Wow.
	And what happens if Jesus lost?
	Well, I'm pretty sure it's the rapture.
	It's not possible, actually. I'm pretty sure you look up to the sky and see some horses.
	You could say the odds were stacked in his favor.
	Oh, my word. Miracles and such.
	So you know what's been happening, right, Lauren?
	We've been doing CNN for all day.
	We're doing it 16 hours.
	Are you aware of this?
	Are you still alive? Barely.
	Barely. This is the ghost of Steven Past.
	I'm a bit worried. These are really reflections.
	We're all worried. Just before this, Lauren, it said, former CIA director lashes out over Trump, over him threatening to pull UN funding, over condemnation.
	So that's like, I couldn't think of a less action-worthy phrase.
	And then it said, coming up, Vice President Pence's praise of Donald Trump.
	So, we usually do a hit list, but I'm going to keep, with every single guest, we've done a hit list just as far as the most egregious sins from CNN. But they started off with Russia, Russia, Russia.
	No proof about the Mueller issue Adam Schiff was on.
	He's been claiming he has evidence.
	Nine months, no evidence. Not one mention of Uranium One.
	Not once, all day. They said with the CHIP program, Child Healthcare Initiative, 9 million Tiny Tims would die.
	Then when they said, okay, it looks like this isn't going to happen, they didn't say that nine million Tiny Tims would not die.
	No mention of the Melbourne attacker being an Afghani, Saeed Nori, who said he did this because people weren't sympathetic enough to Muslims.
	They didn't mention the 1995 Israel vote to recognize the embassy in Jerusalem as its capital.
	Apparently, Bannon hates Bush.
	They said this was breaking news, even though this was said in October.
	And 45 seconds is all they devoted to when Tiny Tim built, to when they basically said, okay, we're not going to shut down the government.
	They were saying, all day, Republicans are going to shut down the government.
	Then they just said, oh, House votes did not shut down the government.
	They gave it 45 seconds. That has been the day on CNN. Nothing else.
	I just saved you 14 hours.
	How do you feel? It is like four days until Christmas.
	Shouldn't you be drinking hot chocolate and sitting...
	I mean, you're doing half of it right, but the CNN, that seems sinful to be watching within the week of Christmas.
	Although, unfortunately, usually when people describe chocolate as so delicious, they're like, it's so delicious, it's sinful.
	So you're mixing...
	I don't know what that is.
	It's like, what, do I need to feel guilty?
	Like, it's sinfully delicious.
	You notice that? Like you're going to hell for it?
	Yeah. Yeah. Could be.
	I think they don't have their priorities straight.
	I don't think they have their priorities straight either.
	So, hey, Lauren, what was your favorite political moment of the year?
	We've been asking people. My favorite political moment of the year?
	Well, obviously it has to be Trump winning and the great rapture, so to speak, for liberals.
	It didn't even matter whether you like Trump or not.
	If you're just anti-radical left, the insanity that they went through, the Trump derangement syndrome, was one of the biggest lulzy moments of the year.
	But that was 2016 more.
	Technically. It was January. It still counts.
	No, it was November when they had the breakdown.
	By January, half of them were dead.
	Oh, the inauguration, I guess.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	First off, net neutrality repeal.
	Yeah, well, then there was a net neutrality thing.
	People lost their mind over that. That was another meltdown.
	Oh, the world's the internet's going to end.
	So I guess you have to pick something else.
	So I can't pick the inauguration. Okay, darn.
	Yeah, it was 2016. Hmm. Man, 2016 had all the best moments.
	2017 got a little dark, didn't it?
	It did. It got dark quickly, yeah.
	But it's been a good last two weeks.
	It's beating each other up. Yeah, but it's been a good last two weeks.
	Nothing has happened. I haven't seen any, like, Antifa murders.
	The kind of refugee crisis has calmed down because it's cold.
	They're not really coming over the water anymore.
	So, favorite moment.
	Eh... I guess maybe the Battle of Berkeley.
	That was a lot of fun. The Battle of Berkeley.
	Okay. The Battle of Berkeley.
	That was fun. Well, hey, didn't you, because you and Ewan were kind of announced, didn't you do Ben Shapiro's show recently?
	Was I on the recent? No, I was on Andrew Klavan.
	Oh, you were on Andrew Klavan's show.
	Okay. Because I know, yeah, I know that he was over there at Daily Wire.
	So it seems, I know there were like a lot of splits in 2016 and it seems like people are kind of making amends and do you think the conservative coalition is kind of coming back together?
	Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, you know what?
	It's funny because I think that Donald Trump was kind of like a dog chasing a car for conservatives and right-wingers.
	They were running so fast after it and then they've caught it and they didn't really know what to do when they caught it.
	They were all aligned for so long trying to get Trump to win and then After that, they kind of went at each other's throats for months and months and months.
	There was all the splits, alt-right, alt-lite, whatever you want to call it, whatever alt there is, liberals, centrists.
	And now I feel things are finally coming back together and people are saying, all right, there's something bigger here.
	We're still battling for free speech.
	YouTube is shutting stuff down.
	People are getting banned. Twitter's doing great purges.
	And we need to kind of come back together and...
	Work towards the same goals.
	In fact, kind of figure out what conservative means again.
	Right. Yeah, I guess that's a good point.
	People are kind of figuring it out now.
	I think even Donald Trump is figuring it out.
	I don't think he knew what was going to happen.
	That's why this last week has really been, outside of Gorsuch, has been his first legislative accomplishment.
	And, you know, it's some stuff that I'm pretty happy about.
	We were talking about this. The embassy, good thing.
	Tax bill, pretty good thing.
	Doesn't really affect you because you're Canadian.
	You know, I'm sorry. You guys still get screwed.
	No, we do well. They do well.
	That works out. Well, if we do well, you do well, but your taxes don't go down.
	Oh, yeah. Right.
	Like, when you see Trudeau as your prime minister and you see President Trump as obviously our president, I mean, how much are the therapy sessions that you need to pay for?
	You're so mean. It must be depressing.
	It must be depressing.
	It was like Americans when we had Harper.
	You're supposed to be nice to me.
	I'm supposed to be nice to you. You're supposed to be good to me.
	I don't owe you nothing, Pauly.
	No, what it is, is like when there was Harper in Canada and Obama here, it was the flip.
	I'm like, man, look at Canada.
	They didn't even have the housing bubble.
	They had Harper there. Even though it's more of a socialist country, they really had a prime minister who did well.
	And now it's flipped.
	The shoe is on the northern foot, and we have President Trump, and you have Trudeau.
	Is it really hard to stomach?
	Do you think he's going to win if you were to run for re-election, Trudeau?
	Or do you think a lot of people regret it because he's been such a boob?
	Oh man, this is the thing.
	Imagine how powerful it would be if you had a conservative government in Canada and America.
	I know. Reagan and Thatcher.
	Yes. Beautiful. But I do think he has a very good chance of winning again, first of all, because Canadians don't really pay attention to politics that much.
	They just look at the shiny hair and they're like, oh, that's nice.
	Put him on the front cover of all our newspapers and we'll worship him like a God King Trudeau.
	And also, I don't think the conservative candidate is very strong.
	I like him. He's all right.
	But conservatism in Canada is...
	Wait, you say he's alright, the candidate?
	He's alright. Oh, I thought you said he's alright.
	There's no way an alright candidate would fly in Canada, no.
	Definitely not. No, he's alright.
	I think he's a nice guy, but he's...
	And Andrew Scheer. But I also don't think he's quite strong enough to really mobilize the same kind of movement that Trump did.
	So I'm hoping that Trump's cultural influence and the kind of culture of pro-free speech, the Jordan Peterson types, will spread across the Canadian populace.
	But it's going to take a bit longer than the Trump effect, that's for sure.
	Well, let me ask you this because we had Jordan Peterson on.
	He was the first guest early this morning.
	He's not really conservative.
	Jordan Peterson is just a free speech guy.
	Do you see that changing the culture on campus?
	Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on.
	Breaking. Oh, no, wait.
	VP Pence's praise for the president.
	Never mind. We don't need to worry about it.
	We just want to make sure we don't miss any breaking.
	Yeah, I know. I know. Can you believe it?
	The vice president, like, said, I like him.
	I like the president.
	What's going on? What's the world coming to?
	Better go back to Wolf. Seems the vice president likes the president.
	Back to you. Thank you!
	This is the most embarrassing...
	Horrible. I mean, it took this.
	Do you think they watch their own program to realize it?
	Do you think they're like, oh god, I go home and watch anything but see it.
	Yes, I do. No, I do. I think Wolf Blitzer's like Larry Sanders and he falls asleep watching himself with a bottle of Astroglide next to the bed.
	That's what I think. I think Wolf Blitzer is such a narcissist.
	It's the only time his mouth moves.
	Yes. Excuse me, this is a Christian show.
	Yeah, thank you. Thank you.
	Jesus did beat Santa, so I will say.
	As a theologian, thank you. This wasn't so much Jesus turning the other cheek.
	It was midget Jesus tearing up the temple.
	Oh, boy. I just can't believe this.
	You're going to hell for this. Here's the thing.
	How bad did you think it had gotten?
	Because I know you haven't watched all day, but it has been so bad.
	Let me ask you this. We were talking with Ben Shapiro and Andrew Klavan about this.
	For example, they run clips and you just assume it's live.
	Like they run a clip from Al Franken and then halfway through the clip it says earlier.
	It was from yesterday.
	When you see something in the news, Lauren, and it says earlier, is it just me or do you assume that means earlier that day?
	I usually assume it means earlier that day, but I also, I don't quite have the stomach you do to watch CNN all day, so...
	Right. I usually let other people sum it up for me so I don't get ill.
	Yeah, well, listen, I needed the break with the carolers and the dwarf Santa and Jesus.
	This day's not getting any better.
	No. That was the highlight, and that's, honestly, I wish you'd have kept it, because now I'm just going to be depressed a little bit.
	I'm going to be depressed through Christmas.
	That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
	And it's all downhill from here.
	Jesus versus Santa.
	And Figgy Pudding. And some people were offended on Twitter.
	They loved it.
	They're from rentamidget.com.
	This is how they work.
	The one in Michigan was legitimately like to rent a dwarf, like rent.
	Yeah, it was rentadwarf.com.
	Not hire. Yeah.
	Not even load.
	I didn't get to watch this, so I'm still trying to understand.
	I think we're have to cut a highlight reel.
	You hired two dwarfs.
	Yes, we hired two dwarfs and they wrestled right here in a kiddie pool of figgy pudding to determine the true spirit of Christmas and Jesus beat up female Santa.
	What is hard about this, Lauren?
	I feel like I've explained this as clearly as humanly possible.
	Gosh, you're supposed to be a bright girl!
	And then, what else did we have?
	We had carolers. Okay, here's a true story, because a lot of people are just tuning in now because people love you.
	We had carolers come in.
	They surprised me with carolers. Three carolers came in.
	They sang a carol. Turns out there were supposed to be four.
	The fourth one in the green room saw the monitor, saw me, started convulsing in tears, and said she couldn't come in and sing for the monster that is me, and left.
	Had to be helped out. Wait, wait, wait.
	She recognized you?
	Yes. And quit on the spot?
	Yes. Yes. No, no. Her, like, diaphragm was like, I can't, I can't even.
	Like, holding on to the door sill.
	Right. Like, I was Himmler.
	And she collapsed.
	Like, you know, a relative had just died and had to be carried out and refused to perform.
	This is a very dark episode.
	You were midgets beating people up?
	No, themselves! That makes it better.
	Well, we didn't mean for it to happen.
	I didn't mean for someone to faint in my green room.
	I'm leaving. She left.
	Oh, she actually left!
	No, she locked herself in our green room so that we couldn't get into our own green room just to cry over the notion of singing a Christmas carol for me.
	The Christmas spirit is truly dead.
	She's more of a Kwanzaa.
	Christopher has destroyed the Christmas spirit. In fairness, though, like we're talking about, if you watched CNN all day and you thought this was the equivalent of singing, you know, Joy to the World to Hitler, would you do it?
	Well, that's the thing. When they say, you know, you're being so politically divisive, I'm going, well, listen, people know where you're coming from.
	People know where I'm coming from.
	To me, what divides people is when you have a 24-hour news cycle that's dishonest and makes people actually believe that the right is Hitler, or that the right actually, you know, that we're totalitarians, that we want to kill 9 million tiny tins.
	What happens to her when she goes to her Christmas dinner and her conservative uncle walks in the room and she has to sit there across from him?
	I don't know if you saw that College Humor video where it was Thanksgiving and the guy has to defuse all the bombs across the table because they keep bringing up topics like the NFL and the kneeling and he's trying to defuse the TV bomb and then someone brings up Trump and the whole table is wired up with bombs and he's like, no! Yeah.
	CNN has destroyed Christmas for a lot of people, I'm sure.
	If you have someone convulsing in your green room over the idea of singing joy to the world to a happy man in a Santa suit.
	I know. I know.
	It ruined Carol of the Bells.
	I even unbuttoned it. And it ruined Carol of the Bells.
	That's one of my favorites. I was like, Carol of the Bells.
	And I looked and Jared was like this.
	And I had no idea what was going on.
	I'm like, what do you mean? Why can't they do Carol of the Bells?
	And then I found out afterward.
	It is... It's scary.
	We were talking about this. We kind of laugh about it.
	But when they say the country is divided, here's the thing.
	Me interviewing Wendy Davis as a tranny and my hat flying off and her still not catching on, it's not going to divide anybody.
	What divides people is the lies by omission, not covering the fact that Republicans actually didn't want the government shut down, put a bill forward to the 19th, not covering the fact that Republicans do not want to cut chip.
	They do not want 9 million Tiny Tim's dead.
	That's what truly vilifies people.
	Not me doing a gag, not you going in there and doing some investigative journalism.
	What truly divides people is the constant bombardment of lies.
	I mean, if you lived in an airport, and this is all you saw, genuinely, Lauren, we were talking about this, we all agreed, we are the most misinformed we have been in the news any day of this year, because CNN has been our exclusive source of news, and we don't know anything.
	We don't know what's really going on. Depressing beyond that is it's not only an ideological divide because at least with the ideological divide you can sit down and if someone is willing even just a little bit to talk to you, you can prove to them you're not a monster with your words.
	Right. But they've divided us on gender and race as well.
	All white people are these evil oppressors who I want to kill you and start another fourth Reich or whatever.
	And all women and men, it's all patriarchy.
	So you just see their gender.
	You just see the race and get triggered.
	And it's like I've...
	I've lost friends over this.
	I know people who have literally been ostracized from their friend groups because of their gender or because they're white.
	They're not allowed to be part of a certain college club anymore.
	And it's very, very sad.
	Yeah, it's more than just ideology.
	It's every single dividing line they can possibly find.
	They're pushing us apart.
	Right. No, you're absolutely right, and it is amazing.
	This is the post-Obama era.
	We thought it was going to be the post-racial America.
	Instead, it is the most divided America has ever been in our lifetime.
	Right away, you have Black Lives Matter, you have patriarchy, you have Trigly Puff, you have carolers.
	A caroler won't come out. By the way, talk about that.
	This is the show that has over 5 million plays in Change My Mind, just completely unedited, letting people express their opinions.
	And Darren in the green room said, hey, you know what?
	I don't know what you know about the show, but if you really disagree with him, you can go out there and tell him, and he'll talk.
	I can't even be here!
	And she ran out crying.
	I literally can't think of any human being that I would break down at the sight of.
	Can you imagine if I showed up to do a stand-up gig and the guy said, that's Keith Olbermann, and I was like, I don't think Keith Olbermann's going to find me funny.
	But his producer said, listen, if you disagree with Keith Olbermann, you can go in and sit right next to him on the recliner with a mug full of coffee and have a talk with him.
	You could not hold me back.
	No. I couldn't get out there fast enough.
	All right. Speaking of which, we do have to get going.
	We have other guests to get to, and it has been a wonderful night.
	So, Lauren Southern, at Lauren underscore Southern.
	Stay safe there in Canada, because I know they're gunning for you with the millennials on the college campus and the anti-Jordan Petersons and the LGBTQ AIP. So stay safe.
	I'll do my best. Cheers.
	Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
	Thank you very much. By the way, this is just the onesie's gotten loose.
	It's not the teacher fat arm.
	No. It doesn't bat on camera, though.
	I'll give you that. Okay, good.
	So hold on a second. Let me check this schedule here.
	What we have. It is...
	We're supposed to have shale in just a minute.
	We're supposed to have shale in just one minute.
	All right, Gerald and Jared, keep going here for a second.
	Keep going. Because I do have to check something.
	You know one of the most disappointing things for me today?
	This week in general? Yeah.
	Figgy pudding isn't actually pudding.
	No. I didn't know.
	I had no idea. I've been lied to you for 27 years.
	I'm sad that Steven didn't introduce me to Lauren Southern.
	Didn't introduce me. Had the opportunity.
	I was sitting right here multiple times.
	Didn't do it. But back to pudding.
	Wouldn't you call it a figgy cupcake?
	It would be something else.
	Figgy muffin? It would be something else. It was rather disappointing, but I didn't even know that the figgy pudding was a thing.
	But it was good. It was good.
	It was good. So, still no news on CNN right now.
	Trump and late night is what we're hearing.
	Like, it's every single thing is Trump.
	Don't you think they get tired of this at some point?
	No, I don't think they get tired of it at all.
	That's the problem. Like, right now, the war for late night.
	There is no war for late night.
	It's over. You've lost. You've all lost.
	Here's the deal. There's every other late night host and this show.
	And that's why we need you to join at lottowithcredit.com.
	We do the show. We don't want to be your only show.
	We're not doing 16-hour streams every day.
	But every night, we're happy to be the show you go to sleep with where you can actually be informed and laugh.
	Because let's look at the war for late night.
	Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah.
	Am I missing any? There was that Larry Wilmar before that.
	There's that Jordan Klepper. I'm trying to think of anyone else.
	Conan O'Brien. Who's the Carsey karaoke guy?
	James Corden. He's kind of a nine.
	Every single one of Bill Maher is an open, out-and-about, not only liberal, but Democrat-endorsing celebrity.
	Yeah. And then there's Mug Club.
	You can join at lotterwithcrowder.com slash mugclub.
	That's $99 annually, $69 for students, veterans, or active military.
	Just enter in the word.
	And if you're a student of life, it's Christmas.
	We'll give you that one.
	And I think, Sven, you're going to have some overlays pretty soon, right, of new people who've joined?
	Yes. Okay, are you ready now?
	Yes. Alright, well listen, plenty of people have joined Mug Club today, and like we said, the only reason we're able to call CNN and their bullcrap, the only reason we're able to fight against Leighton at the war for late night...
	We can't bring them up quite yet, just so you know.
	Oh, we can't bring them up? Because we're connecting with our guests.
	Oh, we're connecting with our guests. But we'll bring them up afterwards.
	There's no cavalry coming over the hill.
	No. Did you notice that's a word where I often mess up?
	Cavalry and Calvary because that's the place, obviously.
	The Jesus place. But I often get this place.
	You also say supposed. For somebody who's spent significant periods of time in Canada, you're doing good.
	I do say like...
	I don't say dollars, but I realize it happens and I'm supposed to say solace, solace.
	I don't know if that almost sounds like soulless.
	You say Nike, too. Nike.
	I was just thinking about Nike. Nike.
	That happens. Nike.
	It's okay. We'll give it something.
	Is this actually a thing now?
	Is this like, it's not a commercial? I thought it was just a commercial.
	So this is a whole, this is a segment they're doing.
	There's a whole segment. Let's bring up the volume.
	...like this one. Do you agree?
	And they're trying to rally the country as if they speak for most of the country, which, that's not true.
	By the way, hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.
	I think we're making some progress on getting this thing trending.
	We have to keep going, though. We must have more.
	Hold on a second here. You're fine.
	That's okay. Listen, I don't care if we're trending anymore.
	Don Lemon knows we're here.
	That's just conceding all ground that, hey, yeah, I'm a partisan douchebag.
	Yeah. Don't these guys always go for diversity, like diversity of thought and idea, and they have zero diversity of thought or idea?
	Oh gosh, I know you're doing the opposite day.
	Sarcasm, I just don't have the strengths, Gerald.
	Who's this guy? Why is this guy talking?
	This little weasel-looking guy.
	He looks like, you ever watch the Nutcracker and the rats that are lifelike size come out, and you're like, oh geez, and they have the sword and it traumatized you as a kid?
	That's this guy.
	Hold on a second. I know which one you were talking about.
	Hold on, he was sitting here right now.
	To be honest, by...
	Now they're showing Donald Trump.
	They're talking about Trump and late night.
	Trump and late night. Trump and late night.
	What do you mean Trump and late night?
	They're trying to say late night.
	It becomes this bastion of political voices and counter-cultural.
	You know why? Because of you.
	You guys are buddies with late night.
	They appear on your shows and you appear on their shows.
	Have you watched Seth Meyers' show?
	No. It might as well be a CNN show.
	And Kamal Bell had the show after Seth Meyers.
	I don't know which network, and now he's on CNN. See, I think John Oliver's the funniest of them.
	He's funny. I'm just saying he's terrible on facts.
	Oh, he's as bad as it gets. Do we have our next guest?
	Yeah, ready. All right, we have our next guest.
	Oh, Trevor Noah, good. There's a talentless hack.
	And by the way, it's not a black thing.
	It's a talentless hack thing. I'm not even entirely sure he's black.
	He looks like a photo negative of Trevor Noah.
	So, our next guest, big fan, Former UFC bad boy, now fighter for Bellator, host of his own podcast, which is wildly successful.
	My wife is coming in with food.
	Chael P. Sonnen, how are you, sir?
	What's up, Steve Rock? Nice outfit, my brother.
	I wish I could say that this were under better circumstances.
	You've been made aware of what we're doing today, right?
	I can't believe it. I mean, that's torture.
	You should have had to be at Guantanamo to have to go through that, but yes.
	No, last year I was waterboarded by your former, I guess I wouldn't say opponent, but your former middleweight competitor, Tim Kennedy.
	I would much rather do that than this.
	That's not even a joke.
	I actually do a lot of what you're doing as well, but I do it for entertainment.
	Yes. Well, you do it for entertainment, and we do it as well.
	But in this case, the only way to prove how bad CNN was was to go through their entire original clock to show people that it's not just an isolated incident.
	It's the entire day. I hate to do this.
	It's repetitive. But I've got to brief you on just a CNN hit list for what they did today, if I can, in 35 seconds.
	Okay, Chael, you ready? Do it.
	All right. CNN, they started this morning with soaking the Russia hysteria, the idea that Trump was going to fire Mueller, even though he said he wasn't going to fire Mueller.
	They didn't mention it until later in the day.
	Then Adam Schiff was on regarding the Mueller probe.
	Nine months ago, he said there was evidence.
	There's been no evidence. No mention of Uranium One, despite it being the number one trend on Twitter almost all day.
	Not a mention once. The CHIP program, Child Health Care Initiative, they said nine million, I quote, tiny Tims will die because of Republicans.
	No mention that the Melbourne attacker was Afghani named Saeed Naori, who said he was doing it because Muslims were being mistreated.
	They didn't mention at all the 1995 Israel vote that put the Israeli embassy in Jerusalem and was supposed to be recognized no later than 1999.
	And then, of course, no mention of the short-term funding from Republicans until January 19th.
	They were talking all day about the government shutdown.
	And then, finally, when the government shutdown did not happen because of what the GOP put forward, they just...
	Put in 45 seconds saying, oh, by the way, 9 million Italian teams might not die.
	House votes didn't mention that it was something Republicans put forward.
	Finally, Mike Pence apparently praises the president.
	That's been breaking news all day.
	And they said Bannon hates Bush.
	Breaking news. Breaking news developing.
	Steve Bannon said this in October.
	Chael, has anything that I've just said surprised you?
	And did you know it was this bad?
	We lost Chael for a second.
	We lost Chael. Son of a...
	I would... That... My throat hurts.
	That was for the audience. Oh.
	I already did it with everyone.
	We're trying to reach out for them. All right.
	Okay, sorry.
	Sorry, guys. We're trying to get Shale back on.
	I'm texting. If we don't get Shale back on, that's fine.
	We can play a game or something like that right now.
	Oh, there we go. All right, Shale.
	Whoa, don't act like if you don't get Chael back on, everything's going to be okay.
	Everybody would be pissed, and rightfully so, and yourself included.
	Now, we were about 15 seconds into a 35-second rundown, and I would love to hear the rest of that.
	Oh, God. Okay. No mention of Uranium One.
	Never. They said that 9 million tiny Tims, I quote, 9 million tiny Tims would die because Republicans wanted to defund the CHIP program.
	No Republican has suggested that at all.
	When Senator Rick Santorum was on saying that, they cut him off.
	No mention of the Melbourne attacker was Afghani Sidi Nouri, who said he was doing it specifically
	for Muslims.
	Never mentioned the 1995 Israel vote when they were talking about it regarding the embassy
	and Jerusalem being its capital.
	And of course, when finally in 45 seconds the government won't shut down because of
	Republicans, they just said, oh, by the way, Republicans don't want to kill all the tiny
	Timbs.
	And they moved on to the fact that Bannon, Steve Bannon said Bush 43 was a bad president,
	And they said it with a breaking news moniker, even though he said it in October.
	Finally, apparently Mike Pence likes President Donald Trump, and we had a one-hour panel on that.
	Did any of this surprise you, and did you have any idea how bad it was?
	This is the entire day, summarized.
	Yeah, no, I did.
	I actually watched them for about 15 minutes a day.
	They only do 15 minutes of news a day, and then the rest is just repeating that same thing.
	That's the news cycle with all stations.
	But... Yeah, man, it's annoying.
	And what are all these congressmen going to do that are calling for Trump's impeachment because of Russia?
	Once that bully gets proven that it's all smoke and mirrors, do they step down?
	I mean, that's a tremendous claim for them to make and stake their reputations on.
	It's not, because they move on.
	Oh, and by the way... Stephen, can I tell you this?
	I don't know if you've covered this, but breaking news, you are fully aware that Al Franken is not going to resign, correct?
	Well, it's funny that you mention that, because they showed his speech, and it said earlier.
	Now, let me ask you this, and then I want you to continue with your point.
	It said earlier, and it showed an Al Franken speech.
	Now, when you watch the news, Jail, and it says earlier, am I wrong to generally assume that that would mean earlier that day?
	No. I would assume it's that same day.
	It was from yesterday. A portion was from last week.
	How can you do that when you're news?
	The most trusted name in news.
	No, I hear you on that.
	You know, I reported this on my own show the day after he gave that, I'm going to resign in a few weeks.
	I told everybody, hey, I'll be the first to break it, but he's not leaving.
	Steven, that's not how resignations work.
	It's not even how a firing works.
	Hey, Steven, you're fired.
	A month from now. No, it doesn't work that way.
	And it was so obvious.
	Exactly what we said. Exactly what I said.
	They had the Roy Moore debacle going on, and the Democrats needed to look really strong, like we're anti this, to get Jones in there.
	Okay, that worked. Al Franken's not going anywhere.
	He never was. The whole thing was a ruse.
	I'm not saying anything that everybody else should already know, but I do feel like I am the first saying it, and it's very obvious.
	Well, you know, no. Well, I hate to cut your legs out from Andrea, but we actually talked about this earlier today.
	I said no one says, all right, I'm going to quit.
	I'm giving you two weeks' notice, and then you just go in and you take a crap on the photocopier.
	They're like, hey, Al, you took a crap on the photocopier, but we're going to keep you for the next 12 days.
	But just don't do it again.
	And the next day, that's not how, like you said, that's not how it works.
	It doesn't happen.
	So I'm just amazed he's allowed to take the stage and just take a dump over all Republicans.
	He's enjoying the keys of the place, of that place.
	Exactly. He's just abusing the keys.
	But he's not going anywhere.
	And you know what? I'm not even sure he should.
	That's a whole nother debate of even whether he should.
	We can have that too.
	I'm just letting you know he's not.
	Well, I don't know about that.
	I don't know necessarily that he should.
	You know, I know this was the war of obviously when we're talking about, you know, and then more loss, so people think he's...
	Like, I don't know about the picture with the breastplate.
	Like, he was a comedian at that time.
	You know what I mean? Like, I think everyone would...
	I don't know. I'm tired.
	Well, let me make this point.
	Let me make this point. I feel like you might have already done it, but since I feel like this is the appropriate show, and if you're tired, I feel like I have standing in this matter at least a little bit.
	Because you ran for office. Because Leanne Tweeden, Stephen, who he had groped in that, I worked with her.
	We were co-workers at UFC tonight, and we still have a good relationship, and she does a little show in California.
	That's right. I go on it every time before I have a fight coming up.
	So, you know, my opinion might matter a little bit because I am biased towards her, but here's what Al had on his side.
	He did wrong. He admitted it, but here's the difference with him.
	She accepted the apology.
	And she moved on. And that's honor amongst men.
	If the two people withstanding the two principles in the act came to terms, it's none of the rest of ours' business.
	You know what? I think that's a good point.
	I think that's very inconsistent right now with the just complete...
	Us-versus-them mindset of, oh, it's like this nuclear arms race of sexual harassment.
	It's like, listen, I don't care if a Republican does it or a Democrat.
	Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, doesn't matter who it is.
	This is a dirtbag. This is someone who needs to be replaced.
	But someone who took that picture apologized, and the lady said, ah, it wasn't that big of a deal.
	Thanks. I accept it. It doesn't matter whether it's a Democrat or a Republican.
	That being said, there were some other allegations, and Al Franken's a prick.
	So there is that... The other allegations, I will agree.
	I'll just speak to that very first one.
	And I'm not sure he should resign either.
	There is a matter, you know, if you were to take, you know, from what the president went through or even what Roy Moore was going through, there is a significant difference when the voters know ahead of time until they make their decision.
	All is forgiven. In Al's case, it came out after the fact, and some other people's, it came out after the fact.
	But if they want to stick their...
	They're heels and they'll leave it up to the voters in the next cycle.
	That's fine, too.
	I don't know, you know, I guess what I'm saying is if you say you're going to resign, you've got to go.
	If you want to man up and say, I'm going to fight this thing, then man up and fight the thing.
	But you can't do both. We've got to be able to take it your word.
	I hate to be distracted, Chael, but I'm watching you on the CNN stream.
	Hey, Sven Computer, really quickly.
	Chael, this is our newest German intern at Sven Computer.
	Sven, make sure he can hear you. Have you noticed the overlays of...
	Oh, he has a mouth. Hello. Computers don't eat.
	They only upgrade their software, dummy.
	I'm reading some bits. Here's the thing.
	Did you notice, Fen? Their overlays are worse than our show.
	They just literally had someone scrolling with a mouse on the screen.
	Did you see that? I mean, that's kind of what we're doing today.
	That's what we're doing today, but we don't have hundreds of millions of dollars and Turner riding in on a yak.
	That's number one, beep, beep. Oh, my God.
	Also, you're asking the wrong person because I can't see the tweet screen from me.
	Oh, that's true. I mean, Chael, you have a podcast.
	By the way, where can people go to listen to your podcast?
	Sorry, I wasn't... They can go to iTunes.
	It's called You're Welcome.
	Go enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.
	You're welcome. And it's a lot of sports.
	But you do get into politics. You do get into cultural issues.
	But you have a podcast. Is it just amazing to you how marginal...
	The gap is now between viewership and quality with traditional media and quote-unquote new media.
	It's not new media anymore. But when we look at it, and we look at these, right now it's the late night.
	They're talking about Trump and late night.
	Well, there is no Trump and late night.
	It's all of late night hates Trump.
	And they have this nutcracker rat-looking fellow, like Orlando Bloom just slept with a rat.
	They just have on here. He's their reporter.
	Do you feel as though it's really closed quickly in the last year and a half?
	I mean, you were there early, but now you're getting far more people tuning in to you than CNN. I mean, that's got to feel like an accomplishment.
	Yeah, no, I'm close.
	CNN on average tonight does 1.7 million, and I do about 1.6.
	So they've still got me.
	But to your point, you know, I'm a little bit harder to find.
	You know, same with you. You've got, what, 2 million followers just on YouTube or real close to?
	Yeah, it's a very incredible thing, but this is what you're having to do if you want straight talk anymore.
	Straight talk is out.
	You've got to be in the box.
	Hollywood is very interesting to me.
	You know, Chelsea Handler on down, and Chelsea Handler and I have the same manager.
	And I always wonder, and I always try to ask him, Is she a worker?
	Is she a hustler that's just trying to turn a buck and understands the concept, like any good carny, that controversy creates cash?
	Or is she really so absorbed with herself when she makes claims like, I'm going to leave the country, instead of coming back and going, guys, look, on second thought, this is the greatest country in the world.
	I'm not going anywhere. She comes back with the audacity to say, She can do more good here.
	Chelsea, keep it up.
	You can keep it up. And McGowan can keep it up.
	And Matt Damon and whatever his buddy is, they claim they're just friends, if you know what I'm saying.
	Ben Affleck. They can go do this however they want to do it.
	But the bottom line is they're helping.
	They are so completely out of touch.
	No, but they're not leaders of men.
	And, Stephen, what always happens is when you have popular and famous people, they then think they're leaders.
	They think that they're influential people.
	They are not.
	Jay-Z can say it and Rihanna can say it from the rooftops.
	Nobody's going to go do it.
	We just want to be entertained by you.
	We don't want to be led by you.
	Well, I think sometimes that's true, but I think some people want to shut off and not, like, for example, that's why we do our show.
	It's a late night entertainment show and we also deal with politics because sometimes people are looking for a haven.
	Really, our show is just a way for people to tune in at night and not be sucker punched and watch a late night show.
	It's not really, we don't even do politics every night.
	Some nights we do, some nights we don't.
	But a lot of people want to shut off, right?
	That's why late night Carson kind of existed.
	It was apolitical. But a lot of people now just want to shut off all the time.
	And so they feel as though they're doing their due diligence if they tune into CNN. And we've exposed today, this is what you see when you tune into CNN. By the way, by the way, by the way, Chael, you're way off.
	They're not even close to 1.7 million, CNN. It's not even close.
	And that's counting the airports.
	Have they gone down? No!
	No, no, no! They've gone up.
	When I was at Fox, Red Eye at 3am was lucky to pull 400,000 viewers and that was beating Anderson Cooper.
	That surprises me.
	By the way, what's behind you?
	You got a little bourbon back there?
	A little grandpa's cough syrup?
	We do. We have a little full bar back there because it looks pretty nice.
	It's very rarely used.
	And we have a full Christmas set.
	A little something to calm your nerves before you go drive home?
	No, no. Nothing that the studio is not.
	I'll let it chill you out a little bit?
	Chael doesn't drink, for people who don't know.
	See, people don't realize this is a dig.
	And I'm a wine guy now. And he's a wine guy.
	He's a sommelier. I'm a sommelier. Gosh.
	Good lord. I was taking a shot.
	You're right. You know what?
	You can kick my butt. I'll let you.
	It's true. Well, you know, he played football at Notre Dame.
	Chael, you're looking very svelte.
	Is there a fight coming up? You know what?
	I got a fight in less than 30 days.
	I'm fighting Rampage in the form in Los Angeles.
	That's right. He's fighting Rampage Jackson.
	What surprises me is how much you two used to hate each other and how civil it's been.
	I know! It surprised me as well, and I was letting him go first, and I thought things were going to jump off very quickly, but they did not.
	It turned out I caught Rampage in a good mood, so I went with it.
	Yeah, I think, you know, one thing that's funny about Rampage, I hate to say this, Rampage's a great fighter.
	But the guy is an excuse king.
	So a good example, I watched him interview one time because he was failing to make weight.
	He said, you know, but I found out it's my thyroid, and that's what was making me sore.
	I'm like, dude, I have the worst thyroid problem in existence, and it doesn't just make you, like, you're not 50 pounds overweight, missing weight.
	Because of your thyroid. No, it's because you're eating Nutella sandwiches.
	So, listen, I hope, Chael, that you win this fight.
	Let me ask you, what's your favorite political moment of the year?
	No, wait, no, wait, before that, before that, sorry.
	It's late, Chael, it's late, Chael, and obviously my attention is all over the place.
	We actually, I wish you were here, we had Midget Jesus and Midget Santa wrestle in figgy pudding for the true meaning of Christmas.
	Who won? Well, that's what's interesting.
	I was like, is it a 10-8 must system?
	What were we talking about?
	There were no points or advantages until I advised Jesus because he was going for the takedown.
	And he was a male, by the way. Santa was a female.
	So it was an intergender championship with midgets.
	She had a good sprawl, and I advised him to chain the takedowns.
	He was going for that low single to the high crutch, and then ended up being actually, he took a risk, and then Santa, the female, took dwarf Jesus' back, but then Jesus reversed it.
	So the true spirit of Christmas is still Jesus here on this show.
	It sounds like it was all over the place.
	Quite a melee over there.
	Do you ever think you'd be on a show where Stephen was lecturing Jesus on takedowns?
	No, as a matter of fact, no.
	You crossed that one off the list.
	You're good. Well, I was actually just sitting there talking with my boxing coach the other day.
	He actually hit me with a liver shot because I said, and I know you agree with me, Chael, Chinatown was the better film of Godfather and Chinatown.
	And everyone gets furious when you say you wrote that in your book, and I agreed with it, but my boxing coach is Italian, and he hit me hard.
	Explain your justification, and then I'll give you mine.
	Well, I will agree that it was better, but I have it largely because of the acting.
	However, those are both very good movies.
	Come on, Joe. You wrote about it in your book.
	You had more reasons than that. Can I go back to the question I was asked, my favorite political moment of 2017?
	Because I do have one.
	It was a very simple moment.
	But on election night, when Hillary did not come out and address her crowd, and then her campaign manager, Podesta, he comes out.
	I mean, it's midnight.
	It's one in the morning on the East Coast, and Podesta comes out to a crowd of people that look like the cat that just ate the canary, and he gives them a fire-up speech about, get out there and let's go win this election.
	It's like, hey, stupid. The election's over.
	They're just counting the ballots.
	You can give all the pep talk you want about let's go out there and stick it to everybody else.
	It's over, dummy.
	Did nobody tell you that?
	That was my favorite moment.
	I just thought it was great. I thought it really showed what a miss they had going on over there.
	Yeah, well, guess what? I can't accept the answer because that was 2016.
	Twice. That's happened.
	What year are we? Oh, my goodness.
	Really? You sure you haven't been sucking back a little bit of Grandpa's old cough medicine yourself?
	Yes. Wow, yes, he was sworn in on January 20th.
	I stand corrected, and I'm embarrassed, but it was still a great moment.
	It was a great moment.
	Okay, so you have another time.
	I can't watch this late night in the age of Trump.
	There's nothing happening on CNN. Did you just leave?
	Okay, he's still there. Favorite 2017 moment, Chael?
	2017? Oh, boy.
	You know, I had quite a few.
	I really like Trump's speeches.
	When did Trump grab that guy, like the Moroccan emperor or something, and he grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him back?
	I thought that was a gangster move.
	I had no problem with it.
	Okay. All right.
	I guess we'll give you that one. I would say, would we say this last week?
	I mean, listen, we're all going to be doing better tax-wise.
	I know you employ people, right?
	You're going to make some new hires with these tax breaks, you think?
	Well, you'd have the opportunity to.
	There's all sorts of things you can do.
	That was a really big moment. I was stunned when people thought that that was going to be bad.
	I mean, I heard a guy on CNN come out today, and he was complaining because so many of these tax breaks go to corporations.
	And you're just scratching your head going, how do you not understand this?
	But there's not very many people.
	If you went through and looked at it, there's not very many people on the left that have ever signed the front of a paycheck.
	And they just don't understand.
	I'll tell you right here in Oregon, just our house.
	But in our House, there's a super majority for the Democrats.
	Not one, Stephen, none, literally none, has ever signed the front of a paycheck.
	They have no idea what it's like to go out there, try to create something, take it to the marketplace, and sell it for a profit.
	They have no idea. No.
	And it's not that much different, even federally.
	I mean, they got the Maxine Waters.
	I mean, come on. She... What do you want to do there?
	But I mean, they're just there. You got these people in there.
	They don't know which way is up.
	Nancy Pelosi is another one.
	She's a good, strong member.
	In fairness to Nancy, she does matter.
	But she just is out of touch with what it takes to feed somebody.
	Well, here's the thing, though. They're completely out of touch.
	You're right as far as results and policy.
	But it's kind of like there's a fuse.
	It's almost like Wolf of Wall Street with the Quaaludes, where they're on the bike and they're trying to get it to kick in.
	And they're going, oh, I guess this one's...
	And then all of a sudden, boom, and it hits.
	80% of Americans are getting a tax break.
	But only 17% know that they are.
	So that's one thing. When Americans get a tax break, it's kind of like an entitlement program.
	It's pretty tough for the next guy to come back and say, we're going to increase your taxes again.
	So right now, it's easy for the media to carry the water because people watching CNN think, oh, this is a horrible plan.
	Then when they get their tax returns, 80% of Americans are going to be changing their tune.
	And so I think there's a delayed fuse right there.
	Right now, it's easy to demonize Trump, but whether you're a business owner, basically, I think if you're doing more than $40,000 a year, you're going to get a serious tax break, if I'm not mistaken.
	Serious. And a lot more people are getting a tax break than that.
	So there's a delayed fuse there.
	But, Chael, like you said, they've never signed the fronts of checks.
	They signed the backs of them.
	Bernie Sanders has been a professional couch surfer his entire life, Chael.
	I know you ran for office, and I'm pretty sure you ran against some career politicians there in Oregon.
	I don't know the topsy-turvy world we're living in.
	Okay, different subject. Chill.
	I have a missing half of this sternum.
	Guess how many coffee beans I was able to fit in this.
	I'm gonna go seven.
	208. Oh my gosh, I was way off.
	208. What did that shit got there, Iron Man?
	Yeah, well, no, it's because it's actually, it goes in and I'm missing half a sternum.
	So, you know, that's one thing.
	I bet it would be a liability in MMA. Also why, you know, it could possibly invert into my organs.
	It could give you leg up in the porn industry, so, you know.
	Wait, wait, wait, I feel like I'm getting the boot.
	Okay, don't. What do you want to talk about?
	What's your verdict? I got two questions.
	My first is this. Ten minutes ago, you commented, my wife just brought food in here, but I haven't seen you eat anything.
	What did she bring you? She didn't bring anything in for me.
	Well, no, we were going to give you the opportunity to step out a second.
	Yeah, she brought it in for other people.
	My wife is a sweetheart. Well, what is it?
	I have no idea. I want to know what you're doing.
	I have to know. Oh, it's rotisserie chicken.
	Hot meal snack? Chicken.
	So there you go.
	All right. Second question.
	How much longer do you have to go?
	How much longer do you have to hang in here?
	It's 927. I have to go till midnight.
	Two and a half hours. Two and a half hours.
	Yeah, two and a half hours. You're a good man, my brother.
	Two and a half hours. No wonder you're the hottest show on the net.
	No wonder. No, no, no.
	I'm not doing your welcome numbers with Chael Sonner.
	But hey, Chael, listen. Come back, or can you come back before your fight?
	Not when you're... By the way, one time, for people who don't know, this is how Chael is.
	Chael, one time, called him to the show back when it was a local show in Ann Arbor.
	This was before Not Gage Air was even here.
	It was in Detroit, syndicated to a few Michigan markets.
	He was in the middle of cutting weight.
	You could hear it in his voice. He was miserable.
	No, I was there for that. You were there?
	I was there with that. And he still called in anyway.
	He sucked. He was off his game.
	He was so angry. But he made the effort.
	He was such an angry man.
	You'd be angry too!
	Speaking of cutting weight, old Chael P's got a new book out for the new year.
	Everybody wants to lose weight.
	Diet plans, exercise, the mentality.
	It's a four-pack revolution.
	And gentlemen, remember, you should never have a goal to have a six-pack.
	Six-packs are for teenagers and drug addicts.
	A real man has a four-pack.
	I'll tell you how to get it.
	Go to Barnes& Noble or right now, Amazon.com.
	I've had it with you all.
	Kaboom. Bye, kaboom.
	I knew he was going to do that. That's always what he does.
	He just did a takedown on his camera.
	He just did a takedown on his camera. Right now I can just picture him like, Son of a bitch, I broke my webcam!
	Again! He nailed his routine.
	You know what's funny about Chael?
	He was a bad boy in MMA. Everyone who knows him knows that he is...
	Oh, breaking news! White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci resigns.
	Oh, they're doing... No, hold on.
	That's the late night show. It would have been, though.
	But they're doing a montage of their previous breaking news chyrons.
	Right. Of course they're going to bring him up.
	I wish we could do a close-up right now so you could see into my soul.
	I don't think you can see into my soul.
	I think it's possible.
	People, thank you so much for being with us and joining us live.
	Okay, you know what? Can we do the overlays of the new Mug Club members, Sven Computer?
	We can do that. We'll connect.
	We have so many people who've joined up.
	Like we've said, listen, I really hope, and I'll read some of your tweets, I really hope that those who joined Mug Club feel as though it's been worth it.
	We never wanted to be the people.
	You know this. When we did this, we were saying, like, listen, the last thing we want to do is be the bait-and-switch people.
	Who give you free content and then have you join something and you're just getting the same thing that you were getting for free.
	We said if we're gonna do it, we're gonna build out a new studio, we're gonna go daily, we're gonna offer more free content than ever, and we're gonna start adding to it.
	And I'm not gonna lie to you guys, this whole team, they've really pulled together.
	Everyone's been stretched really thin.
	Myself included. And so our next step here is just to hire new people to solidify what it is we're doing and then start adding on more shows.
	Start adding on more actual on-air personalities.
	You see it with CRTV. They have Gavin McInnes, Rolling Millennial, Andrew Wilkow.
	But we need to hire some people behind the scenes.
	That's why there's the golden ticket sweepstakes.
	If you join, you'll be eligible at laudoworthcrowder.com slash mugclub.
	99 annually, 69 for students, veterans, military.
	If you're a student of life, you're a student...
	And I shouldn't say sweepstakes.
	It's not a sweepstakes. But basically, we have too many people who watch the free show.
	And so we get too many submissions of people who have no business submitting.
	So we do, during the paid show, the nightly show, that's where we let people know, hey, we're looking for an editor.
	Hey, we're looking for a post-production manager.
	Hey, we're looking for whatever it is, personal assistant, whatever it is.
	We have a few new key jobs.
	And actually, thanks to this tax bill, We might have more than we thought.
	We knew for sure we were going to hire two new people in the new year, and now it might be three or four.
	Wow. That's pretty good.
	How about that? How about that?
	We're going to go from... Creating jobs.
	Who knew? Taxes.
	All right. Screw you, Democrats.
	All kidding aside.
	All kidding aside. Actually, not all kidding aside.
	You stink. How much...
	Sven, computer, Jared, you guys paid more than $15 an hour, right?
	Yes. Do you feel pretty good about it?
	I am so bad at math. It's way too late.
	The fact that you just made them think it was even close.
	I've done it. I've done it.
	I'm just playing. Ungrateful prick.
	Sober. The point is, these aren't just bottom-of-the-barrel jobs.
	No. When we hire people at Loud Earth Crowder, we really try to hire the right people, and we try to keep them in.
	It is a family business.
	You pay well. You pay like, I hope, everybody else who does the successful business pays.
	Yeah, just keep it all yourself. Now, the problem with that is we've kept fewer people and paid more.
	You kind of have a choice, right?
	There's a finite amount of funds.
	It's something liberals don't understand. You can hire more people, pay them less, or you can pay the main people more and then start adding to it with younger people who are paid less than the other people, more than 15 an hour, still paid fairly, but now we have other jobs that are more entry-level jobs as well as one high-level job we'll be talking about behind the paywall.
	So those who join...
	You have an opportunity at a job because we're always growing.
	All right, Sven Computer, do you have the names or anything?
	Yes, yes. We have a couple of names.
	Okay, we have some people, by the way.
	We promised you we would ring the bell for people who joined Mug Club.
	It's a commercial on CNN. Let's go.
	We can't mention them all, but...
	We can't mention them all, but here's just a handful.
	Just too many. So this is Jack Helsinger.
	Thank you. Jack Kelsinger.
	Jack Kelsinger, there we go. Ring the bell.
	This is Michael, welcome. Michael, welcome.
	Stephen Coggins at Fidget 1004.
	I don't know what that is, but thank you.
	New screen name needed. Jake Musil.
	There we go, Jake.
	There we go. Mary Boyle.
	Mary Boyle. Thank you very much.
	Unfortunate last name, but thank you.
	William Neen. William Neen.
	Jordan. Jordan?
	Sean O'Connor.
	Hey, by the way, Stan, make sure you're not giving away any personal information here.
	I'm doing my best. Ed Shepinger222.
	Welcome. There we go.
	How many more do we have? And Bonkers Yonkers.
	This is the final one? Yes. Bonkers Yonkers.
	Thank you guys so much.
	There we go. Every time someone joins Mug Club, it's a Wednesday in hell for Muhammad.
	And Wednesday's not. Go back.
	Rewind the hashtag CrowderCNN livestream to see the joke and understand why.
	Hashtag Mohammed Wednesdays?
	Is that what we do? No, there's no hashtag.
	It's just Mohammed Hates Wednesdays. Ah, Mohammed Hates Wednesday.
	There we go. Well, listen, I'd be lying if I said that.
	We're disappointed that we were trending in the morning and then not at night, but it's also because we've been going so long.
	And I really, I was hoping to trend in the morning.
	We came out strong, but Chris Cuomo didn't show up to work today.
	That took a lot of material off the table.
	I know. It really did. And Papa John was a dick.
	Yeah, Papa John. Yeah, Papa John. Way to go.
	Papa John and his Botox and his stupid ways that have been upsetting everybody.
	Wait, do we have another guest?
	Is that what I'm saying? Yeah, we'll connect with another guest just a moment here.
	Oh, really? Oh, okay. You have to wait.
	Hold on a second. I don't see this here.
	Oh, oh, that's right. I forgot.
	Oh, okay. By the way, how bad is my voice?
	Perfect. Thank you. You know, maybe take it easy.
	It probably sounds worse in your head than it is to us.
	No, you still sound fine.
	Alright, food, do you want to eat in here?
	No, I don't have time for a break.
	You guys do it. Are there any other games we have planned?
	Yeah, we have some more games.
	Okay, well let's do this guest, I guess, and then we'll probably have to do the, well I guess, are we going to do the guest in the game or then two guests in a game?
	Probably guest in the game. Okay, guest in the game.
	Alright, perfect. I can do that. We have a guest in the game.
	Let's turn up the volume a little bit so we can see Trump in late night.
	Hey, there's Alec Baldwin doing the worst Trump impression ever.
	Let me hear it. Is it going out to people?
	Oh, we lost.
	That's not how Trump does it all, though. It's a horrible impression.
	Hold on a second. Take away the expensive makeup, and it's an awful impression from Alec Baldwin.
	By the way, I think his performance in The Edge is one of the best in all of film.
	Take away the makeup, it's just pure crap.
	Who do we have? Do we have, uh, is it Razorfest?
	No, we have James O'Keefe.
	James O'Keefe! James O'Keefe, are you there, sir?
	How are you? Hey, good to be with you.
	Good to be with you. No, it's not.
	It's not good for us because I'm exhausted and I'm worried we have two hours.
	I'm 14 hours into CNN, James.
	Are you supposed to have like an IV drip?
	They said you had an IV drip in your arm or something doing this.
	No, I wish I had an IV drip.
	I wish it were an IV drip of morphine and I just keep hitting the button until I died.
	Because we won't even do the...
	I'm sure you know, but basically everything CNN... We already just did the breakdown with every single guest.
	Every single breaking news chyron has been misleading, flat out dishonest, or actually something that broke yesterday or in June or October.
	For example, breaking news today developing was Steve Bannon says Bush 43 was a destructive president.
	He said that in June or October.
	October. October. What was the one from June?
	Oh, June was Comey. June was Comey saying that Donald Trump asked for loyalty and they were acting as though this was news.
	They said that nine million tiny Tims would die because of Republicans.
	They didn't mention at all that the attacker in Melbourne was Muslim, was an Afghani who said he did it because of mystery.
	Not one mention of Uranium One.
	Are you telling me that they have been selectively editing?
	Is that what you're telling me? Yes, exactly.
	They've been selectively editing.
	But even worse, it's just, like, it's beyond comedy.
	They're not even trying to present news anymore.
	And today is a slow day.
	And I think that's because Trump's been on good behavior.
	But it has been the same...
	It's just been the Russia probe all day with nothing new.
	Does that surprise you how bad?
	We felt we had to do this to show people that it's not a one-time occurrence.
	It's all day, every day.
	I mean, you work in this, but are you aware of how bad it is?
	Would you be willing to watch this for 16 hours to really figure it out?
	I think you're doing a great service.
	Did you ever watch the guy who watched Russia TV or RT for like 24 hours straight?
	Someone actually... I didn't know if you were inspired by this, but some guy sat in his hotel room...
	Okay, some guy sat in his hotel room and watched RT for like three days straight to illustrate the point that it's Russian propaganda.
	But this is...
	What you're doing, like...
	I mean, listen, we did those videos inside CNN where the guy's like...
	The thing's all BS. Russia stuff is not real.
	I don't think people realize how awful CNN is, and I think you're doing kind of a funny...
	It's funny, but it's also a good service.
	Well, we just had Midget Santa and Midget Jesus wrestle in Figgy Pudding.
	Dwarfs. Dwarfs, sorry. Dwarfs wrestle for the true meaning of Christmas.
	So, you know, listen. It's not without its perks.
	Jesus won, by the way, so good for us.
	Good for, you know, people and salvation and no rapture.
	Let me ask you this, James.
	What is your favorite political moment of 2017?
	We've been asking every guest this question.
	2017, if you have to pick one or like a week or some kind of accomplishment, what would you pick?
	I guess the inauguration.
	I was in D.C. on the inauguration.
	They were like rioting in the streets.
	I felt like I was in Athens, Greece, on like K Street.
	Yeah. An inauguration.
	And it was just an amazing moment.
	It was the forces of culture and crazy.
	Or you felt like you were in Greece when they announced that the retirement age had been moved up from 49 to 52 and they had a riot.
	You know, because those Greeks, they always complain about something.
	I don't know what the actual age was. I'm sure Sven Computer can bring it up, but it was absurd.
	The retirement age is unbelievably young, and they were reducing entitlements, and there were riots on everything.
	So inauguration, that's right, you were there.
	That must have been pretty incredible, Inauguration Night.
	What about this last week? Would you say this ranks up there with the tax bill and the embassy, Jerusalem?
	Oh, yeah. I think that my favorite moment wasn't actually during 2017.
	It was election night.
	I was at the Hilton. In 2016, I was at the Hilton, and I was standing in the Hilton when Trump announced his presidency.
	He just won. It was 2.40 in the morning.
	I was standing right up front, and behind me there were like 500 journalists with their big With their big lights, it looks like Close Encounters of the Third Kind with their huge lights.
	And many of them were actually sobbing.
	They were crying.
	And they were so upset.
	And no one had filmed them.
	I took my iPhone out and I started filming the sobbing journalists.
	It was almost unbelievable.
	I'll never forget it for the rest of my life.
	All these journalists crying.
	We had carolers come in tonight.
	I've told it five times, so I'll do the short version.
	Short version is there were four carolers who came in, only three who were willing to sing.
	The fourth one ran out sobbing, saying she couldn't perform for me, this monster, because she knew who I was.
	And she actually had to be helped up because she, like, collapsed over the mere idea of performing for notorious Nazi Stephen Crowder.
	So this happened with me. And it's because of CNN. When you paint your entire opposition as Hitler and as totalitarians, people believe this stuff.
	They believe it. They did.
	The Mueller stuff is, this week, to answer your question about the Mueller stuff is, in my opinion, based on the evidence I've seen, it's all just some type of fake propaganda thing and they utilize CNN. They utilize these networks to...
	You know, advance their propaganda.
	And I know it's kind of funny, but it's also like really serious.
	I mean, they really have, they don't even have a lot of viewers.
	You and I talked about this. What, they have like 700,000 viewers?
	Oh, they're lucky. Yeah, they're lucky to do that.
	Yeah, Chael Sutton thought it was like 1.7 million.
	I'm like, you're out of your mind.
	That would be a good night for, you know, Hannity on Fox.
	Yeah, no, they don't have a whole lot of viewers.
	And that's why it's kind of, it goes from funny to scary to back to funny when you realize nobody watches them short of being in a layover in Denver on Frontier.
	Yeah. Oh, okay.
	Yeah, these numbers include their public spaces.
	It includes being in airports.
	It includes being in bars. So really, when you remove that, almost nobody watches CNN. Almost no one.
	No. But they have power over that.
	But those media people talk to each other, and they have power over each other, and they're sort of losing their power, but they still have some power.
	And the Republicans are so afraid of being shamed by them.
	Like, they're governed by the shame and the humiliation they might face from networks.
	Right. You know, in like D.C. when you're surrounded by a gaggle of reporters calling you racist.
	So they still have some power, but not over elections and not over the American people.
	Yeah, well, I think they're kind of...
	They're clasping to it right now.
	They're clutching to it.
	These power-covetous old sinners, to put it as Dickens has said it.
	So, I think you're right, James.
	And is there anything that you can tell us is on the horizon at all?
	Or no? We're just going to have to wait and follow you?
	Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm just going to keep pissing people off.
	You know, I know. Cheers to that.
	We're going out, you know, you're focused on the media.
	What's more powerful than CNN, the New York Times, and...
	Washington Post, and that's, you know, some of these large companies out in California.
	And there are some big things coming in early January.
	Yeah. Well, it's funny.
	Today is media, but for us, they're talking about late night right now.
	Really, we're the only late night alternative.
	We're not even really media. We get to be honest because we're not beholden to a 24-hour bullshit news clock.
	That's really what That's what it comes down to.
	Today, it has been an extremely painful reminder.
	Actually, just the pure BS that is spewed without consequence from CNN. And thank God we're a late-night comedy show, and we don't have to do this every day because I'd want to blow my brains out.
	As a matter of fact, I might feel that way the next time I'm at a layover in Denver.
	It's that bad. All right, listen, Project Veritas is where people can find you and follow you.
	James, thank you so much for making time, brother.
	We appreciate you doing this, and we won't talk to you before then, so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
	Merry Christmas. Shameless book plug, American Pravda, out January 16th.
	American Pravda out, and I believe this will be on the interwebs as well.
	Thank you, James O'Keefe. You must go.
	Okay. You guys have food, I guess, for yourselves.
	You've got food waiting if you want it.
	It can be brought in. I also have a beer for you if you'd like to have a little bit of a sip of blood and honey.
	No, I don't want any blood and honey.
	I don't want any of that. I tried. I tried to offer a beer.
	A fresh, frosty beverage.
	Well, he has something different. He has something different.
	But I don't want... Don't plug it.
	Don't plug it. Don't plug it. They're not paying for that space.
	But I will say, Walther.
	Huh? Walther. Walther's our great new sponsor.
	Somebody wants me to punch you in the balls, but the problem is...
	I have a gun. He has a gun covering his...
	I have a gun in front of my balls.
	So is Razor Fizz not coming on the show?
	Did we miss him? No, Razor Fizz is at 10.15.
	So we've got a little while to go.
	Oh, Resident Fist is at 10.15.
	Yeah. Oh. Oh, so I see what we're supposed to play before then.
	Yeah. What are we supposed to play?
	Oh, God. Well, that's why I should probably eat before it.
	You should probably eat before. Yeah.
	You've got a plate ready. It can be brought in, or it can be...
	Well, you know what? How about this? You guys set it up.
	I'll eat a little bit of food.
	Apparently, I've never played this in my life.
	Not Gay Jared and Gerald.
	Oh, what? What? We have set up beer pong, which some of us have to play.
	Be sure these balls are washed.
	Yeah. I do not want to be...
	I always wash balls.
	I don't want them to be disgusting, non-disinfected balls.
	Don't you worry. I have to go grab...
	I will grab ten minutes here for some food, and...
	Well, let's go to a break.
	Do you have a break we can go to? Okay, let's go by.
	We're going to go to a break really quickly.
	Thanks to our sponsors, Walther and SimpliSafe here for this show, and of course, Mug Club.
	And then after this, we're going to have Beer Pong, Pogo, Finale, Dean Cain, and then the entire series and the last segment of a YouTube carol.
	We will see you there. I'm going to go get some food.
	Where are there so many buttons? Oh, and now you're making fun of me for that earlier.
	What would you do if I sank out of tune?
	Would you stand up and walk out on me?
	Let me, oh, ears, and I'll sing you a song.
	I will try not to sing out of key.
	Oh baby, how do you like it?
	All I need is my baby.
	How do you like it?
	I say I'm gonna get high.
	How do you like it?
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm up here, you big horse's ass!
	Ha-ha! What are you talking about?
	I'll do it! I'll jump!
	Okay, hold on. Just calm down.
	Okay? We love you. It's Christmas.
	I don't believe you.
	Okay, hold on a second. Do you believe in Christmas?
	Obviously. Do you believe in Santa?
	Yes. Okay. Do you believe in the Mug Club that people can join for $99 annually or $69 annually if they're students, vets, or active military, gaining access to all of CRTV as well as Daily Crowder programming?
	Well, of course. That's why I'm here.
	Okay. Well, now I'm asking you to believe in me.
	Just come on down. We'll talk about this.
	Everyone wants to be together for Christmas.
	I could come down. Or I could choose...
	The sweet release of death!
	Shit.
	Oh boy, Hubble, the Alpha, it's the abominable snowman.
	We better hide. Yes, we better find a place to cuddle.
	What? Never mind, let's get out of here.
	Now hop on board my sleigh, boys.
	I'll get you out of here. Gold!
	Nothing. Look who I found.
	I have nowhere to go.
	Oh! Popper! What?
	You mean, you miss me?
	Popper, of course we missed you, buddy.
	But I thought you didn't want me no more now that you have SimpliSafe and I'm a guard dog.
	SimpliSafe is just as much for dogs as anything else.
	You're the most important thing in the house.
	Never leave. You mean it?
	Hopper, you're such a good boy.
	SimpliSafe can never replace you.
	Yeah, we can work together.
	SimpliSafe can help make me a better guard dog.
	Of course it can't replace me.
	I don't know what I was thinking.
	SimpliSafe can help monitor and warn, but it can't scare and bite at bad guys like Hopper can.
	Oh no, buggers, quick, run everybody!
	I can't catch at all! Aaaaaaaah!
	Oh, I'm a star! Oh, I'm a star!
	In my own little space!
	Oh, I'm a star! Oh, I'm a star!
	In my own little space!
	Gee, Mr. Dentist, what is this place?
	I don't know.
	It seems some kind of Auschwitz for toys.
	No, we're on the island of misfit toys, where all the toys who are imperfect were exiled by Santa, like Hitler.
	But a lot of you don't even look like you have that serious a problem.
	Yeah, what's that asshat's problem?
	Oh, he's a squirt gun who only shoots jelly.
	He couldn't rack his brain to solve that one.
	And there's me, a b-b-b-boat that can't stay afloat.
	If you're a talking boat, you can't stay afloat.
	You're not a boat anymore. You're a shipwreck.
	Oh, I've been here for years.
	Nobody wants to play with a Charlie in the box.
	Okay, Charlie, I'm going to give you a pro tip here.
	If it's that much of a problem...
	Call yourself Jack, dumbass!
	The only way they could even know your name is Charlie is if you're telling them!
	And we are back.
	Yes, indeed. Yeah, thanks a lot, guys.
	We appreciate your support.
	Hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.
	Let's go. Let's get that thing out there.
	You know what I did see? One of the hashtags that was trending, or something that was trending, is appreciation...
	What is it? Short Girl Appreciation Day?
	Short Girl Appreciation Day? Do you see that? I didn't see that.
	So what technically would make a short girl?
	What's short? Because I'm like 6'5".
	Wouldn't average be like...
	I don't know, like 5'5", 5'4"?
	5'5", 5'4"? Is that short or is that normal?
	I think it would be average, so it would be below that.
	By the way, we are still watching CNN. This is still their Trump and late night skit.
	This is going on forever. Yeah, I think they're really enjoying themselves with this.
	You're not missing anything whatsoever.
	This is actually better, in my opinion, than the news that we've been getting all day that's not news.
	Nothing's been breaking. Nothing's been real news.
	The only thing that I think that we've seen is that the Republicans actually passed something, right?
	The tax bill. Mm-hmm. Got that taken care of, but then they got kind of lambasted for some of the stuff that's been in it.
	So they're never going to get any good credit.
	And then it's Trump-Russia, Trump-Russia, Trump-Russia, and then Pence loves Trump.
	I think there's a bromance going on right there.
	You know what this is? This is one of the things, like you talk about Gavin, like when two people read the exact same phrase but receive it completely differently.
	So we're going, can you believe, like late night, every single night, he's nothing but bashing Trump.
	Nothing but bad on Trump. Can you believe?
	Late Night is bashing Trump every night.
	Every single night?
	It's a marathon. You get to enjoy it all day, every day.
	How great is that, right?
	It's terrible. By the way, I don't know if they can see the beer pong table.
	I've not revealed it yet. You haven't revealed it yet.
	It looks really cool, by the way.
	The logoed glasses are...
	Quite the touch. Yeah.
	I've never actually played beer pong.
	I didn't drink until I was 26 years old.
	So, I mean, I missed it at college and there was nothing else to do at Notre Dame but drink.
	26 and now you're in the wine business.
	How's that happen? I didn't drink until I started the wine business.
	Went to ministry school and started a wine business at the same time.
	Who says you can't enjoy a beverage?
	Responsibly, of course. Responsibly, of course.
	Jesus was a winemaker. First miracle wedding at Cana.
	He also drank wine last supper, said he's not going to drink it again.
	So there you go. I'm just saying, I'm stating my case.
	So when the alcohol starts to flow a little bit tonight, nobody's going to be judging me.
	No. At least they shouldn't be.
	There's no judgment at all. All you Baptists can just go buy your own liquor and not say hi to each other in the liquor store.
	Too busy judging CNN and their pile of filth they call a day's work.
	I don't know how long it's going to take to get this out of my system, and I've only been here for maybe half the time or a little under that, right?
	You guys have been here all the time.
	Yeah. I don't know, really.
	Tomorrow, I'd be very curious to see how you are as a human being at 9 a.m.
	Honestly, I didn't plan for anything for my life past today, because I just didn't want to...
	If everything ends today, that's good.
	I don't have any appointments to cancel.
	I got nothing. We got Christmas coming up.
	I mean, you need the break really to wash this out.
	You just need to go. I think I'm going to go cry in the corner of my shower and just stay in there for a little while and hope this comes off.
	It's a nice cold shower to wash this filth off.
	No, not cold. Why would you do cold?
	It seems more desensitizing.
	More numbing. It's cold.
	That's all it is. There's no benefit to that.
	No. Good lord. No.
	Well, we thank you guys for being a part of this, the Mug Club subscribers.
	I don't have my beer in a mug, which I guess is a violation of protocol.
	You can hold the one up next to you and pretend that's it.
	Right? I can just say, hey guys.
	We'll fix it, post. Yeah, drink this.
	There is no post. This is live.
	Jeez. I haven't had that much beer.
	Oh my gosh. Well, I appreciate it.
	It's a lot of fun to do this.
	Steven obviously has a lot of the pressure of the show, and I get to come in and kind of just be the happy guy that has a business that comes in and talks about really fun subjects.
	But it's nice to be able to do that.
	So from somebody who kind of gets in and out of this a little bit, the biases are real.
	You guys are not in like a bubble going, oh my gosh, do we have perspective or do we not?
	I think part of that is because you force yourself to bleach your eyeballs at the end of the night because you've been looking at Slate and you've been looking at HuffPo and you've been looking at all of these really bad left sites.
	It shocks me when I meet people who...
	The thought of reading a Daily Wire piece or Fox News is just appalling to them.
	Not that I always agree with every right-wing piece of content out there, but the balance, like the idea of striking, trying to find balance, but they accept HuffPo as the baseline.
	Right. It's a standard for truth.
	Yeah. And they kind of adjust their scale for that, which is just crazy to me that they don't see the...
	It really is. And I used to tell people, I said, look, I understand that Fox is way right, and I understand that MSNBC and a few others are way left, but at least CNN seems to be more so in the middle.
	I used to think that way. Yeah, this was a couple of years ago, and now, honestly, I haven't watched CNN. As recently as 2015.
	That's about right.
	Fairly reasonable. They lean left.
	They definitely lean left, but they weren't super, super left.
	And today I'm like, they're either too lazy or too stupid to figure this out.
	Yeah. Right? And somebody's still paying them money.
	And until that changes, I don't really think they're going to change their terms.
	I think it's a happy marriage. I guess it's a happy marriage of people who actively want to skew data, facts, and information to not get the public what they need and what they sign up for.
	And then they have a bunch of lazy workers who are more than compliant to half-ass the day.
	Confirmation bias. Yeah, yeah.
	You know? To shove out, what, three, like four topics a day, maybe?
	Maybe? If that. 16 hours worth of content?
	Yeah, exactly. And then make fun of Trump and late night the entire evening.
	Yeah, I don't know what this is. This is crazy. This is like going on hour two, I believe.
	I think this started at, no, it started at eight o'clock.
	All right, we'll see if it goes fast. This isn't even original content.
	They're just rerunning it. You know what's really interesting, too?
	This is how they're real. You know what's really funny?
	This show wouldn't exist if these guys were doing their jobs.
	If the mainstream media were doing their jobs, shows like this wouldn't really have a place.
	There would be no need for it.
	Now, there's a fun other aspect, obviously, with the YouTube Christmas Carol.
	There's all kinds of great production.
	I've seen people on Twitter saying, like, guys, you need to do a full-length movie.
	This is really, really good, fun stuff.
	And I get what they're saying.
	I look at it, and I'm really excited about it.
	I've missed a segment, by the way.
	I missed the first one. We're going to rerun...
	All of it towards the end, right?
	All of it. So probably about 11.30...
	11.30? 11.30.
	Eastern or Central? Eastern.
	Okay. We'll be running the entirety of YouTube Carol.
	So it's going to be great. So if you missed any segments, no worries.
	You can either rewind now or we're going to hit one segment after the other at around 11, 11.30.
	So there's always that kind of material that you guys could produce and the comedy and everything else is fantastic.
	But a lot of the political stuff, like half of what you do would go away if the mainstream media would do their job.
	And I hate saying mainstream media.
	Like if media outlets that we're supposed to trust that say that we're balanced or that we are fair or that we're the voice of the nation or whatever it is would actually do their job and cover stories, we wouldn't have to do a 16-hour show where we sit here and go mind-numbingly crazy With all of the stuff that we're seeing, right? This is a mild news day.
	We're trying to pick through every single thing that we see and say, is this possibly news?
	Like, are they maybe trying to do their job here and just are missing the mark?
	Yeah, and here's the point there.
	It's a slow news day. I'll give CNN that.
	It is, yes. I'll give them that. However, it doesn't get any better.
	It gets much worse on a busy news day because that's when you get the most inaccurate information, the most delayed information, the most skewing of the dialogue and narration.
	So this is actually CNN light compared to...
	We're talking about the specifics of the tax plan, even though they'd be screwing it up.
	They could still be talking about that, and they choose not to.
	They choose to do other stuff. This is why when you guys were like, hey, you want to go eat and take a break?
	They're still doing Trump in late night?
	I said no, because once I left, I did not want to come back.
	Thank you for coming back.
	I do not want to come back and sit here and watch CNN anymore.
	You just want to stay in the mud. Just stay dirty.
	Thank you so much to people who've been watching and supporting.
	I know probably there was a huge drop off when I was gone because let's be honest.
	Ouch. Pretty bad. No, I'm kidding.
	Alright, thank you guys so much.
	A double actually. Whoa, 30?
	I'm just kidding. We had a good time.
	So game and then Razor Fist.
	Game and then Razor Fist. So we have a game here, but the game is preceded by two presents.
	Oh, wow. Look at that. If you want to get Aaron the Intern in here for some hand cam.
	Aaron the Intern. Get in here, buddy.
	Oh, jeez. I'm in the green room. All right.
	Who's... So it's present time, first and foremost.
	Well, last year I gave you your presents on air, but this year they're not.
	That's okay. That's okay.
	Last year I gave... Is this going to be something like I open it up and it's like a pile of dog crap or a bunch of spiders crawl out of me?
	Oh my god, I hope the spiders are.
	Don't worry. Am I going to get tased?
	On your card. That's even better.
	I feel like something really bad is about to happen.
	Destroy your weapon. No. I would be prepared to fire if I were you.
	It's okay. I wouldn't be mad.
	I just want to know if I can prepare.
	Screw that. That's not how this works.
	Get up and open your present. Alright, so I'll open mine first.
	I'll break the ice. You gave yourself a present?
	I gave myself a present. I bought an old card.
	It's on your card.
	Nice. He even signed the card to himself.
	Son of a bitch! He didn't have to.
	He should have. He didn't, in fact.
	Alright, we're opening presents. All I can see was shipped to you.
	Here we go. Oh my gosh!
	That's crazy. How did he know?
	How did you know? Wild Turkey 101.
	Ooh. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
	We're not playing beer pong with Wild Turkey.
	We're not necessarily. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	I'm not doing that. No.
	I'm not. This is going to be... That's where you draw the line?
	Are you serious? Yes!
	Midget! I'm sorry, not midgets.
	I'm glad that you got it. Where'd you find a bottle of Wild Turkey that small, by the way?
	Isn't it awesome? That's a travel size.
	Here, by the way, for people who don't know, this is a good example.
	Okay? Wild Turkey is not a sponsor.
	We've been going after them to be a sponsor for a long time because it is still the best bang for your buck in bourbon out there.
	Now, there are some other bourbons that I like that I will sell.
	But we've been approaching Wild Turkey for a long time.
	They do not have any... As a matter of fact, they're probably mad that we're even mentioning them.
	No, that's not true. But it is good bourbon for the price.
	I'll start opening this. That's for me too.
	Come on. I've got to be able to play with...
	I have two hours to go. You've got to chill around.
	Don't you worry. Now you need to drink to deal with that.
	And the worst part is, I'm in a onesie, so I don't have my knife with me, which I usually have, my Swiss Army knife.
	I replace it for a useless gun.
	There you go. Well, a gun without any rounds in it, so...
	I don't want your Swiss blade.
	God knows how many... No, underneath, right here.
	Just turn it over. Turn it over. It's open.
	Oh, it's open, it's open, it's open.
	Okay, I open it upside down. False alarm.
	Do I need, like, is something gonna bite me?
	No. I don't know, but can you open it over there?
	Okay, this makes sense now.
	I actually, looking back, I would have preferred the spiders.
	It's Kinky Pink.
	And the reason this is funny is because we were actually in Hawaii with Love You, Sir, the owner of CRTV. Of course, wonderful partners at CRTV in Hawaii at his house.
	And we're like, we're going to go on a kayak out to this island.
	I said, yeah, let's get some stuff.
	And I got a bottle of wild turkey.
	And Nakejir got a bottle of Kinky Pink.
	Gosh, are you serious?
	It's not a joke. And here's the thing.
	The next morning, they came out and they said...
	Did you guys drink Kinky Pink and we went down the line?
	I was asking everybody. It was like who put the pepper in the pot, the kids book, and you found out everyone put the pepper in the pot, only the difference is the only person who drank all of it was not Gay Jared.
	I didn't remember. He had sucked down the bottle of Kinky Pink to this in one night.
	He's a Kinky fellow. I get the idea for nostalgia's sake, but can we do it with beer?
	Little teeny sips. Micro shots.
	It's like microaggressions.
	Do you need this mic kind of turned toward him?
	I'm actually kind of bummed because I thought I was either going to get a gift that would hurt me or something that would be really cool and instead I just got something crappy.
	That's pretty much it. Well, we're not...
	I mean, I'm sure at some point you'll get something good.
	I don't think anyone can see me here with this lighting.
	He's good. We got you. All right.
	Yeah, he's got you. All right, guys.
	Okay, hold on a second. We want you to tweet and send, computer, you can read some tweets for us, okay?
	Who do you think is going to... I have never played beer pong.
	By the way, are these for sale? These are not for sale yet.
	That is so cool, isn't it? These are...
	Look at that. Which one is the camera?
	This one right here. No.
	No, it's not. No, there we go.
	Now it is. There we go. There we go.
	Wow. These are...
	If you're going to play beer pong, you need these cups.
	These are sturdy cups. Okay, hold on a second.
	I've never played beer pong. Micro shots.
	Micro sips. Well, hold on a second.
	If we do this, I have to take off my Walter, because I don't think I like the idea of wearing a firearm.
	No, no, no. You can't wear a drink. Let alone being seen with kinky pink.
	By the way, Walter, it's completely unloaded here, so let's not worry about it.
	We've checked it many times, many times, many times.
	Alright. I was honestly looking forward to getting and having a refreshing beer.
	So what happens, you have to drink the wild turkey, I have to drink the kinky pink?
	Yeah, sure.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	No, I'm not gay.
	I can't drink kinky pink.
	Hold on a second. If this isn't fair, this isn't fair.
	Alright. No, I don't even like this.
	Hold on one second. I know you don't like it.
	So it's bad for you. I know you don't like it.
	Okay. Garrett, are you drinking, ma'am?
	Yes. Do you like bourbon? Yes.
	Okay, Garrett, the intern.
	I want you to taste Kinky Pink and tell me if this is a fair blanket.
	Whoever said it should be fair.
	Am I just like water falling? Just drink it.
	It's okay. I'm a socialist.
	That's really bad. Yeah.
	I mean, that's really... Aaron, the intern, who's on behind the camera.
	Have you ever tasted this? Here.
	I'll hold your camera really quickly.
	All right? Look at this. Boom.
	How bad is this? By the way, this is late.
	Don't have your kids watching. It's going to get an aftertaste.
	I know! I'm seriously getting...
	I'm still around.
	Look, I'm a son. I have a reputation to uphold.
	Can I go back to watching CNN? Oh, man.
	Hold on a second. FBI official facts that companies claim that Trump asked for loyalty.
	It says breaking... Hold on a second.
	Let's go to this camera real quick. It's a lie!
	This is a lie! Again, they're saying breaking news!
	Don't believe them!
	And by the way, don't think I don't know what the hell you're doing.
	Hey, this tastes terrible. You're right.
	Yeah, I know. Don't think I don't know what's happening, okay?
	Naki Jarrett is doing the Trump.
	He figures if I've watched CNN all day, right, he's starting high and we'll come out like kinky pink is not that bad.
	No, it's still that bad. Yeah.
	I don't want to drink the kinky pink.
	Well, I didn't drink the Kinky Pink either.
	We'll never get a sponsorship from them. Put it in one cup.
	Oh, that's terrible. Put it in one cup and the rest do beer.
	Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get you some beer there, buddy.
	Put it in the hardest cup to hit.
	Now that's the game. No, no, no.
	I'll make it fair. All right. Hold on a second.
	You can video it so you can see I'm not cheating.
	Here, I'll get you one. Get you a healthy pour.
	There you go. Right?
	That's fair. There's nothing healthy about Kinky Pink.
	Oh, put more in there. No, stop it.
	Pussy. I don't want to drink Kinky Pink.
	Don't brain it. Oh, the winter white.
	Okay, that's good. Oh, hold on. I need a bottle opener there.
	I think it's twisty. I've got one right here.
	That's not twisty? Right up there.
	Right up there by the Jerry up there.
	There it is right there. Alright, there we go.
	Okay. So listen, I've never played beer pong.
	I don't even know the rules to beer pong.
	I genuinely don't know.
	Pretty simple. Don't suck. That's the main rule of it.
	No, what is it? What am I trying... What's the goal?
	Goal is to think kind of like bowling.
	You want to knock all my pins down.
	So it's one ball at a time.
	You get one toss into the cup.
	So if I land it in the cup...
	You have to drink that cup, and then that one's moved by.
	So your goal is to eliminate all of mine.
	My goal is to eliminate all of yours.
	Okay, so the rest of these are filled. So really, you win if it's beer that you like.
	Yeah, don't pour that much in.
	These are clean balls. These are brand new.
	Are they brand new? What about the cups?
	Have they been rinsed since they were shipped?
	Yeah. I peed in five of them.
	I need another beer.
	It came in sealed in plastic, so we're good.
	Here, give me that. Where are my balls?
	That's what she said. Hey, look!
	It's Manju Raju.
	No, it's not the guy from Johnny Quest. He's been on all day!
	It's the guy who lied about Donald Trump Jr.
	Did you get a Johnny Quest reference?
	I got it. It was a little racist.
	I got it. It was a little racist. She didn't laugh, though.
	Kind of funny. Kind of funny.
	Johnny Quest reference? No? Super funny.
	Haji? Haji. Yeah, there you go.
	Is this helpful, Edward, right here? That's why he will forever remain an intern.
	He said it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter?
	Alright. Doesn't matter.
	Forever remain an intern who's been operating $10,000 cameras with lenses.
	That's the only thing. Ha!
	Aaron's an intern. That's the only thing sillier than a Merry Christmas.
	All right, tweet your bets. Tweet your bets.
	All right, tweet your bets. Who's going to win?
	That's a thing. We've got to tweet us.
	And don't forget, hashtag CrowderCNN livestream.
	CrowderCNN livestream. Okay, hold on a second.
	New rule. New rule.
	Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh!
	It's a tranny on CNN! Holy shit!
	Looks like the female gremlin!
	17 hours. What the heck?
	Wow! FBI director testifies for 17 hours.
	It's almost like you, Steven.
	It's almost like you today.
	John Lemon looks like dead Johnny Mathis.
	Yeah, that's true. What happened?
	Dear lord. It's like he forgot to thread his eyebrows tonight.
	Did I already start drinking? This just took a weird turn, John Lemon.
	It did. Okay. When you thought of the show, it couldn't get weirder.
	Neurals, strip. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Strip beer pong. No, dear god, no.
	That's the point. Is that a tranny?
	Is this someone who's gonna strangle Ben Shapiro live on air?
	Do you see this? Can someone fact check?
	Sven, can you fact check and tell me if that's a tranny?
	It needs to be.
	But I don't have any balls.
	That's true. Here.
	Well, where are the orange ones? Orange balls.
	Let's go. Let's go. Orange balls.
	Alright. Orange balls. We have to get to Razor Fist and then we have Pogo and Dean Cain and then the final segment of the Christmas Carol.
	Here we go. Alright, thank you, sir.
	How many are we doing? How many balls?
	You just keep going. Until you don't have any.
	That doesn't make any sense. That's not a game.
	There are no rules. No, there are rules.
	Okay, ready? Rock your scissors. You're just going to go first.
	Ready? I don't care. You go first.
	Okay, I'm going first. Ready? Oh, that's really fast.
	He's not much of an athlete. You're going to win.
	Okay. You guys both suck at beer pong.
	Come on. Missed it.
	You gotta be kidding me. Oh!
	In the kinky pink! In the kinky pink!
	Alright. That's what that is.
	That's a terrible name for a drink, by the way.
	Kinky pink. Chug it.
	Chug it. Chug it. Chug it.
	Hey! Didn't you play beer pong in To Save a Life?
	I think that was part of your scene.
	That is so bad. I think that was part of it.
	If you get it in, you get to go again.
	No. Yes. Oh!
	There we go! Jared's going to be hammered because this is liquor.
	And Jared cannot hold his alcohol.
	Remember he had a beer and a half?
	Yeah, I know. And was wobbling to the restroom?
	I know. I don't like this.
	Is that a tranny? Sven Computer, just do it while we're...
	Can you fact check this? Is that a tranny on there?
	Don Lund Show. What's the name?
	I don't know what the name is.
	You can move from here. Give us a look here, Sven.
	There's no name. Jared's dying over here.
	Oh! I'm just really confused.
	It's very late. I'll be honest.
	Alright, go ahead. It's my turn or your turn?
	My turn. Terrible decisions.
	I don't feel like this is why people are tuning in, but...
	That is a tranny! No?
	Did I just say something really mean?
	Juliet Cayenne, National Security Analyst?
	No, it's not a tranny. It's so hard to tell.
	This is the problem. If you're not a tranny, you don't get the benefit of the doubt anymore.
	No Adam's apple. Looks like the female gremlin.
	Piss me! Woo!
	Gosh. And I do think people like...
	Hey, tweet us if you like this, by the way.
	If you don't, let us know as well.
	But I think people like Steven having pain.
	I'm just trying to show that it's legitimate.
	Yeah. Right? David Blaine, not David Copperfield.
	No illusions. Right.
	By the way, he tried to steal my wife, David Copperfield.
	True story. It went backstage.
	Yeah, true story about David Copperfield.
	What he does is he takes two blondes from the crowd and tries to make them disappear.
	Just my wife didn't do it.
	But then they disappear and he takes them to his private island.
	Does all kinds of weird stuff.
	Stuff that makes Harvey Weinstein blush.
	David Copperfield. Let's go!
	Oh! Airball!
	Gosh! Hey, by the way, everybody's got bets on Not Gay Jared beating the crappity of this.
	Well, you know what? They're right. So far, they're right.
	He's doing it.
	All right. There we go. There we go.
	There you go. Just making sure you can see.
	Oh! I just tripped over a power cord.
	And no, it's not from half a beer.
	No, no, it's my turn. Half a sip of kinky pink?
	Half a sip. Look at that!
	It did the swirl in there!
	Come on! Hey, look!
	It's the guy from Johnny Quest!
	No, it's the guy who lied about Eric Trump.
	Donald Trump Jr., sorry. Jared is gonna yak.
	It never gets old to me.
	Right? Yeah. Damn it.
	No. Hopper's done. The ball hit Hopper.
	It's easier for me because I have more cups to go for.
	Stop it, ball. Yes.
	Alright. We might need more balls.
	You guys suck at this game. If it bounces off you, then it counts.
	Once you're going to run a ball, we're done.
	I'm going to throw a curveball here.
	Alright, curveball. He heard that thud!
	That was a waste of shot. Damn!
	I'm trying to help you, brother!
	By the way, I'm really ashamed because my dad is watching this.
	I've never played beer pong in my life.
	I was not that kid in college.
	But you know what? It's kind of fun.
	To save a life. That's what I asked you.
	It's kind of fun? You did beer pong there.
	Yeah, and I think I was supposed to be the bad guy.
	Yeah, you were the bad guy. I didn't touch a sip of alcohol until I was 22.
	Well, I got you beat. 26.
	It's just because I didn't like it.
	That's all. All right. I was warned by coaches.
	Like tonight, I'm going to relearn my distaste for alcohol.
	Right. Gosh!
	Oh, that was close. Alright, I got one more.
	Oh! Jared's hammered.
	So what, have I gotten three? Is it three to three?
	I think it's three to three. Okay.
	Three to three. Go. Three to four.
	Go, go, go, go, go. Doesn't matter.
	Go, you little wild turkey. Jared's response to this.
	Every time. We're recording that, right?
	This is clearly more for me than you can give me.
	I don't know.
	You can take my name card.
	Let the record show it is the best.
	Not to Jared's reaction.
	He's drunk already.
	You had a man card?
	He's getting worse at the game.
	We're going to revoke your man card.
	And it's already been declined repeatedly.
	Less sound from you. Less sound.
	More silent sound by Edward.
	This is going to get dangerous for Nagy and Jared pretty soon.
	Recycle ball? No, no recycle ball.
	Recycle the ball.
	Recycle the ball. Recycle the ball.
	It's fine. It's fine.
	Oh, that was close.
	Here's the thing. Okay, let's do it.
	Five more balls and then each.
	Five more balls and then each. Five each. Oh, that was close.
	Damn it. Okay, so hold on a second.
	That was one. Five more balls.
	So you have four more. Okay, go.
	Five more balls each. Place your bets, everybody.
	Let's go, Jared. Three three.
	Oh! You have four?
	I'm four. Yes, he has four.
	Come on, Steven.
	This is a money ball. Four, four!
	Four, four! No, I'm not high-fiving you because you were rooting for me to drink kinky pink.
	That's funny, though. That is a tranny on that TV. That's why we're doing this because I'm tired of CNN. 14 hours, then I don't care anymore.
	Go ahead. It's going to be useless tonight.
	One more each. One more each.
	One more each. Oh, you're screwed.
	By the way, Opera's growling at you, so we'll get him out of here soon.
	That was the last one.
	You ended in a tie, 6-6?
	You've got to go until someone wins.
	This isn't soccer. You can't have a tie.
	Until someone gets it.
	All right.
	Yep.
	Oh!
	Take that Johnny Mathis!
	Did you see this? He looks like Don Lemon has aged like 50 years.
	It's bad. No, I'm serious.
	He doesn't look like Don Lemon. You didn't take your last shot.
	Oh, with arms. Yeah!
	I'm noticing this.
	No, no, no. You like this.
	No, no, no. That's the whole point.
	What was that? You sound like Friendship Club.
	I mowed your lawn.
	Alright, what a game.
	Let's get hot fly here.
	Yeah, that's a reaction to whiskey that women want to hear.
	I can hear their ovaries drying up.
	Oh man, I stay away from that stuff for a reason.
	Yeah. I like it.
	I just don't want to do it when I have to do two more guests.
	So many people are like, I love this competition.
	It's the highlight of the night.
	Really? Not Midget Jesus?
	Well, I guess it's a toss-up.
	Oh, man. Alright, guys, get this stuff out of here.
	Alright, keep it going. And someone get my dog out of here before he mauls somebody.
	Well, if he mauls, I'm not getting Jared, I'm fine with that.
	But he doesn't like the yelling.
	Hopper is a creature of habit, and he's a creature of low energy, for people who don't know.
	Hopper does not like controversy.
	He's laying at my feet.
	Yeah, you can't see. Hopper's quite literally laying on Gerald's feet.
	Yeah, he likes doing that. That's okay, though.
	Alright, let me get around here. Keep it going, Gerald.
	Keep it going, Gerald. I have trust.
	I don't trust in you, just not that much.
	No, you don't. Let's not lie to people.
	All right, guys. Remember, hashtag CrowderCNNLivestream.
	Get it going out there. I know we've got just a little bit longer to go.
	What? We've got two...
	What the hell?
	He gave me two seconds, and then he jumps in.
	It's just like the wine of the day.
	People want you to be nice.
	They want you to be nice to me.
	All right, you know what? I've taken a poll.
	The poll tells me. Oh, hold on one second.
	Keep it there. Keep it there. Keep it there.
	Not that. I mean, Gerald, keep going.
	Oh, now you need me.
	Okay, very nice. Sven, hey, Sven Computer, are we getting a lot of people signing up for Mug Club here?
	Of course we're always getting people signing up.
	You have some new ones coming up?
	Sven, did you find out if that was a train, this national security analyst?
	I doubt it was. From what I can tell, that's a legitimate woman.
	That's a legitimate woman, from what he can tell.
	And here's the thing, I feel bad about it, but trannies have ruined it for the rest of you.
	They have, it's very difficult to tell.
	Women, progressive women, especially progressive women, you need to understand, we don't give you the benefit of the doubt anymore because we don't want a lawsuit.
	No, we don't. You see a woman with big hands?
	It used to be like, oh, that's a burly woman.
	Now it's like, that person has balls.
	Potentially a man. And now you have to ask them, like, do you want me to call you?
	And that's insulting enough, right, to a real woman.
	Yeah. Of course call me a woman.
	What do you think? I did this at McDonald's the other day at the drive-thru.
	I said, hey, thanks, man. And I'm driving away, and I'm like, oh, God.
	I don't even know if that was a man.
	It was right in the middle. I could have offended someone.
	Hey, can we do the overlays first, or do we have our next guest?
	Alright, let's do it. Sven, can we do the overlays first?
	Yeah, we have three or four.
	Okay, three or four new Mud Club members, by the way.
	This whole event. Thank you guys.
	By the way, give a round of applause for Aaron, the intern.
	And Garrett, the intern. Thank you very much.
	You guys are awesome. Thank you guys for helping.
	You can hire them out for beer pong on the weekends.
	Yes, anytime you want. And this was a bad mistake, considering I have eaten very little today.
	That's true. No, honestly, I'm fine.
	No, I know you're fine. Not really. So what happened was...
	Okay, let's go to Mug Club sign-ups first.
	Sven, who do we got?
	Lauderwithcreditor.com slash Mug Club.
	And we have a bell for...
	Hey, I think some guy can maybe take down the...
	Some of the beer pong lights.
	No? We'll take them down in a sec.
	Alright, go ahead Sven.
	Let's see some Mug Club signups.
	We have Farhan Franchak.
	There we go. Who's probably going to send in a resume.
	Beep beep. Go Irish!
	Not the Go Irish! I like that!
	There we go! Then we have Ed Shafna Kevin.
	Thanks Kevin. Thank you Kevin!
	Then we have M Buckley Bus 1.
	Buckley Bus 1. Nice job.
	And Puma Man's friend.
	What? Puma Man's Friend.
	Puma Man's Friend. Is that the last one?
	Maybe we have one more.
	Yeah, we have Matthew. Oh, Matthew!
	Very nice, Matthew.
	Thank you for keeping it simple. Every time you sign up for Mug Club, it's a Wednesday in hell for Muhammad.
	Check it out. And Anderson Cooper's paying him a visit.
	And dead Johnny Mathis. Look at Don Lemon.
	I am shocked. Donnie L. He doesn't look like the Don...
	No, is it just me? He doesn't look like the Don Lemon I knew.
	He looks so defeated for a Thursday.
	Yeah. No, no.
	Seriously, doesn't he look like a different person?
	A little bit. Yeah. A little bit.
	More hair, maybe? No, his eyebrows are thicker, and his hair line doesn't look the same, and he looks old and tired.
	Like, he looks like Johnny Mathis died.
	Maybe he is old and tired. And Johnny Mathis was also a queen just like him.
	He's on CNN. And the thing is with Johnny Mathis, he set, like, track records.
	So, you know, if he's got his eye on you, you can't outrun him.
	This guy looks like Dick Chitty Knockoff.
	He almost does. There's no way that's 4K. That's not even HD. What is this?
	What kind of green screen? It looks like they have a tungsten light on him.
	It looks like he's broadcasting from somewhere where somebody about 18 feet up is saying, put the lotion in the basket!
	I can't right now.
	I'm broadcasting from CNN in a tri-screen.
	Put the lotion in the basket.
	Put the lotion in our skin.
	That is dead Johnny Masters.
	It took me all the way until now to get that. It took me all the way until now.
	I would say the funniest thing that happened all week was we went to Chick-fil-A, me and my buddy John, and it was early in the morning, it was breakfast, and we were really tired.
	And we just went in. And I don't know, this probably isn't going to be funny to anybody, but she was putting the food in.
	She asked about, like, do you want to put the straws in the bag?
	I looked at her and said, put the straws in the bag!
	And she just looked at me and she actually stopped.
	And she looked back to her boss.
	I would stop too. I went, oh!
	Put the straws in the bag!
	I don't know why, but it was the funniest thing in the world to me because I know she was too young to get the reference.
	Seeing you out in public is a dangerous thing.
	I put the dog in the basket.
	And by the way, if you ever do, don't ever play gay chicken with Steven.
	No, that's true. Never play gay chicken.
	It's like that scene Rebel Without a Cause, only James Dean doesn't throw himself out of the car.
	It's just two cars going over the cliff laughing.
	You will always outdo whoever you're around.
	So our next guest, I believe, is Razor Fist, right?
	Razor Fist. I don't think we have him up yet.
	Yeah, we're trying to dial him.
	I'm trying to dial him up, raise her fist, and by the way, I apologize to the National Security Analyst, who in fact was not a transgender woman, but just a woman.
	But who could know? No, I apologize.
	Listen, that one is entirely on me, and the LGBTQ movement as a whole.
	Yes, in general. Come on!
	Sorry, lady, I'm sorry. You're beautiful in your own way.
	Here's the deal. We've been around so many transgenders lately that it puts your mind...
	Well, not only that, but you get chastised if you get it wrong.
	And so now you kind of default to LGBTQ because she's probably not going to be that pissed off at you.
	What would I rather have?
	Okay? This woman mad at me for thinking she was a man or this tranny suing me for an act of aggression for misgendering her if that were the case.
	Right. You know, it's a risk.
	You're pushing us into a corner, guys.
	This is what you get. You're rolling the fuzzy dice.
	Here's a further question. Why aren't, honestly, why aren't dwarves considered a part of the, they're in a press class.
	Oh, there is. It's called heightism.
	They call it a real thing. But they're not in the LGBTQ, AAIP, silent number two.
	No, that's sexual orientation. You know those whose eyes are glassy?
	A little bit. His eyes are glassy.
	Every time I think of him drinking, I think of him a beer and a half in, hitting the wall, going down the hallway to the bathroom.
	Yeah, it was one and a half beers.
	Come on, you gotta tell me I gotta play this guessing game every time you put someone in a quadrant view on CNN. There's no way I can get it right.
	Thank God it's not in 4K. I'm sorry.
	Just, I apologize. Seriously though, dwarves, don't you think dwarves have it a lot harder than...
	Do I think that dwarves have it a lot harder than men who put on dresses?
	Yes. Yes, I do.
	Especially considering that a guy puts on a dress and it's like the golden gun in GoldenEye where it's one shot kill.
	It doesn't matter who else is on the field.
	You're done. Because this person has just claimed the mantle of transgender.
	You can't make fun of them. You can't say they look kind of silly.
	You can't even confirm it. You can't question their ideas.
	Whereas a dwarf, you can do all those things and you can pick them up and throw them.
	You can't do that. And they can't get things off shelves?
	They are so dense. You're just thinking about dwarves.
	Think about this for a second. Do you have any idea how hard it must be for them to conceal carry?
	I can, I can.
	Think about it. If they carry a.380, it might as well be a peg leg.
	I don't know.
	They're so sick, though. Yeah, but they're thick.
	That's the whole thing. If you're thick, there's less room to hide it.
	That's true. You need a concave place.
	You could always add a small gun in your chest.
	Midgets are entirely convex.
	All right, let's actually turn up the CNN volume here to see if there's anything that they have to say here.
	So John Warner...
	Dead Johnny Mathis, speak comfort to me.
	...made a statement on the Senate floor yesterday saying that the firing of Robert Mueller would be a red line for Democrats.
	And Senator Sheldon Whitehouse was asked about it earlier tonight.
	Watch this. Gosh, can you imagine having to trot your ass and talk?
	This is something... We watched this earlier today.
	Absolutely. Here's another red line.
	Everyone here has a really hard job, but can you imagine having to trot your ass into work knowing this is what you're going to do that night?
	No. Can you imagine the pride-swallowing siege that Don Lemon lives every day before he walks into a show?
	And you've got to get the energy up for that.
	Because he's one of the last ones.
	Yeah. I don't get it. Why do we even use red line anymore?
	I mean, we need a new phrase. Nobody cares about red lines.
	Real time. How long do you think you can boil down the entire content, the actual content of...
	The 16-hour stream of live stream.
	Of CNN? Of CNN. I think we'd be very generous if you could boil down the entire day to 15 minutes.
	Yeah. If we did a segment on the show covering everything they talked about, we would feel bad if we went to 20 minutes long, right?
	Yeah. Well, hold on a second.
	Right now, we have former White House counsel.
	Former Nixon White House counsel.
	And they gave his Twitter handle. He knows how to work that.
	The guy still has the giant blue button VCR. We're supposed to believe that the Nixon White House aide knows how to use Twitter.
	Alright, we have our next guest.
	You like him. We like him.
	Funny guy. Clever guy.
	And it's hard to plug him because it's Razor with a zero fist.
	He's on the YouTube. He's on the Twitter.
	Razor Fist! Mr. Fist, how are you, sir?
	I'm fantastic!
	I would have shouted this out more, but I'm actually reporting live from Twitter jail right now.
	Oh gosh, you were part of the purge!
	Yeah, me, anyone right of Stalin is in here with me.
	We got Sargon, we got Milo.
	Milo's getting passed around like a pack of cigarettes in here.
	Strangest thing, he still has a smile on his face.
	Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah, you know, it's funny, I didn't get it because I think Facebook went after me so hard and YouTube that Twitter's like, alright, let's just, let's avoid this one for now.
	There's too much PR behind it.
	So have they suspended you or have they actually banned you?
	Oh, yeah, that was my Christmas gift.
	I got the most ridiculous Twitter ban in the long, sad history of Twitter ban.
	What was your ban over? I was banned over a ban.
	I was asked to name your favorite hairball guitarist.
	This is great. Warren D. Martini from Rat or George Lynch from Dokken.
	Oh, no. No.
	I quote-tweeted the response, and I said, Lynch all day, every day.
	Ha, ha. Oh my gosh.
	You didn't get to explain yourself?
	Nope. I guess the new algorithm decided to take that one a slightly different way.
	Kind of like how it isn't a name, it's a command.
	Right. Well, I'm sorry.
	Yeah, I... Yeah, I guess that's what's going on.
	Well, listen, do I have to give them the bullet point list?
	Nah. We have the bullet point list.
	We've been watching CNN for an hour coming up on hour 15.
	And Russia probe, Adam Schiff, Mueller probe, nine months, no evidence.
	They never mentioned Uranium One.
	Once they literally said 9 million Tiny Tims will die because Republicans want to defund the CHIP program, which they don't.
	Never once today have they mentioned the Melbourne attacker was an Afghani Muslim named Saeed Naori who did it because of mistreated Muslims.
	They've been talking about Israel without ever once mentioning the 1995 Israel vote or the fact that Jerusalem has always been the capital of Israel and it's supposed to be recognized as its embassy.
	They also said that Bannon hates George Bush, claiming this was breaking news in their chyron when he said it in June.
	So, October. June or October.
	I don't know. Anyway, we watched it all day, and you know what?
	It's way worse than I thought, Mr.
	Fist. I was going to say, sorry to break up the propagandathon here.
	I'm sure you've been unraveling the mystery of where the pancake makeup ends and Don Lemon begins.
	No, he looks like dead Johnny Mathis.
	He's on right now. Now it's a commercial, like there is every eight minutes on CNN. Every eight minutes.
	That's generous. What you're saying? I say, oh my god, how badly is Don Lemon aged?
	I'm like, you can tell as he's aged after all that?
	Like, that douche is like a red one.
	When they eventually carbon date that cup, they have to peel back like five layers of L'Oreal Paris first.
	Well, I think now you're going to get banned from YouTube because you just threatened to cut Don Lemon in half.
	You'd have to read the rings. That's the only way to...
	I don't think they carbon...
	Wait, they don't carbon date trees.
	They do it by rings, right? Am I right?
	Yeah. Well, you can carbon date it as well.
	I think he conflated analogies, but it was funny.
	It's true. I'm very tired.
	I'm very tired, Mr.
	Fist. But Don Lemon looks like dead Johnny Mathis.
	We'll bring it up when he comes back.
	Honestly, I have never seen...
	I haven't seen Don Lemon since last New Year's when he was drunk.
	It looks like he's going to turn out to be as grand as he was hoping for.
	He said, I'm going to make more time for me.
	You mentioned it earlier.
	I think my favorite fake news today was...
	The one California sea hag saying, Trump cutting our taxes is, and I quote, like kicking crutches out from under Tiny Tim.
	Yes! No, no, sweetie.
	I think it's a little more like kicking the government-subsidized hover-round motor scooter beneath the 500-pound, you know, bicycle beluga.
	Yeah, the one in the Grand Canyon.
	I got here in a hover-round!
	Someone needs to let Don know that the me time, not great results.
	No, it's not working.
	Seems like homosexual activity, in his case, sucks.
	It's like Dark Crystal sucking the soul out of you.
	It just seems like it's his life force.
	But here's the thing that's weird to me.
	It assumes the worst on Tiny Tim.
	Like, hold on a second.
	There are some variables in this analogy.
	Does Tiny Tim work?
	There were no labor laws in place back then.
	That's why Dickens basically had to write his entire life.
	He basically worked until he was famous.
	So this context matters.
	If you kick out Tiny Tim's crutch, maybe you actually just took him out of being able to get to work, in which case I'm sure he would probably be very grateful for a tax cut.
	You know, I don't know. I don't think the analogy works.
	But, you know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.
	Oh, I should also mention, I didn't want you to be alone in your appendix carry today, so I strapped on the Ruger sympathetically.
	Oh, well, you've got to get yourself a Walther.
	And I don't just say that because you have the LCP, is that what's going on?
	No, no, no, this is a revolver.
	Oh, is it the SP-101 or the LCP? No, no, no, this is a Ruger Blackhawk.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah. We're going old-timey.
	I'm about to have a shootout at the OK Corral.
	Yeah, I was going to say, you can't really appendix carry that.
	By the way, you know what's funny? Do you ever watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?
	I have not. If you watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as a child and you don't know how it ends, it is the worst motion picture experience of your life.
	It's bad. You're like, oh, okay, they're gearing up here at the end and they're looking and they're like, oh, this is the end?
	I'd rather Doc Holliday die of TB in front of me.
	Then there are movies like August Osage County, which could not end soon enough.
	I don't know why you would subject yourself to that.
	The Kinky Bink, Augusta Osage County?
	Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.
	Razor Fist, not get Jared's drunk.
	We played beer pong and he had to use wild turkey.
	It's 90% exhaustion.
	You've got a little in you too, Stephen.
	And you're tired. I am tired.
	Alcohol affects the body. Well, you've got that red nose going on.
	It's that time of year. I just think we're tired.
	Razor, Razor, carry us.
	What's your favorite moment of 2017?
	We're going to the home stretch. What's your favorite moment of 2017?
	Favorite moment of 2017.
	I feel like Officer Leahy.
	Give us your favorite moment, Randy.
	Don't say the election for the third time.
	And he died this year, too.
	That's not my favorite.
	Jim Leahy died? Yeah, he's gone!
	He's gone, Daddy, gone.
	I had no idea!
	I do not have good luck with...
	I'm 0 for 2 with noticing the subtleties of Matt Eisman.
	Okay. You're 2007.
	Let's ignore Officer Jim Leahy.
	I'm going to have to go Google that. I had no idea.
	I was just watching Trailer Boys the other night.
	Hey look, Kirsten Powers, she went after me on Twitter because I said something entirely accurate when I called Hillary Clinton a bitch.
	Ha ha! I'm dead Johnny Mathis.
	Raise your fist. What is your favorite 2017 moment?
	Politically. I think, you know, the kicking crutches out from underneath Tiny Tim moment is a close one.
	It would have to be a top contender.
	That has to be the height of Trump derangement syndrome at this point.
	Right. And you're not even a Trump fan.
	What was that? You've got a pretty good list going there with the CNN coverage.
	I know. What are you doing on your phone?
	Checking Twitter to see what people are saying about this.
	Stop checking Twitter!
	You're checking Twitter!
	I'm not checking. I literally am the opposite of Twitter.
	This is a text and my research document.
	And Kirsten Powers is on screen.
	Hey, let me ask you this. Okay.
	Razor fist. I just saw that National Security Advisor, I don't know if you were watching CNN, was sure it was a tranny.
	Can we acknowledge that the unsung heroes, well, the victims in all of this, women who are larger, like women who are big boned, let's admit, can we all admit that we never give them the benefit of the doubt anymore?
	I'm okay with affirmative action for those ones.
	But seriously, a long time ago, if you saw one with bigger hands, you're like, oh, that's just a bigger woman.
	And now right away, to avoid a lawsuit, you're like, I'm just going to go gender neutral until I figure this out.
	Yeah, the Seinfeld manhands episode could not be made in 2017.
	No, absolutely not.
	Because the manhands would be breaking a lobster, and then the camera pans, and there's a penis.
	Exactly. They get that tight end, you know, Sergei Eisenstein, Adam's apple shot.
	It really is. Like, honestly, it's really hard to give them the benefit of the doubt because everyone is so guarded nowadays.
	So the Tiny Tim Crutch is, okay, but throughout the whole year.
	Listen, let me ask you this. You had a big debate this year with some liberals right on YouTube, and I remember you plugging it.
	What was it? Yeah. Well, I actually did have fun at the debate, but it was with Secular Talk, who I didn't know from Adam, and still don't.
	I had a debate with a dude.
	Life is better that way. I have no idea who that is.
	But the guy who ducked you a bunch of times, I believe.
	Oh, okay. Oh, secular talk.
	Secular talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the Young Turks Network.
	That's right. Okay, yeah. You had a debate.
	That's right. I remember that. And I remember you telling me about it and plugging in the show.
	I didn't have a ton of time, so I kind of tuned in.
	And they used what we have talked about as the single greatest falsehood in the healthcare debate.
	So, well, if you look at healthcare, it's actually better in, boom, Finland, boom, Canada, boom.
	And they don't mention Cuba anymore, which they did for a long time because of Michael Moore.
	Because the only...
	Statistics they can point to are subjective measurements, people being polled on if they like their health care.
	And I noticed that being used quite a few times, and you just didn't have a time to get a word in on that.
	And that's the biggest bait and switch the left uses with health care.
	Yeah, the biggest problem was he was like a headline machine gun.
	You know, it was like, I have Google, too.
	If I wanted to just rattle off headlines, I thought we were going to state our arguments and then just respond to those arguments.
	Google's a very common app.
	I don't know if you're aware, but yeah, that was an interesting one.
	I think you're messing... I don't think it's really an app.
	It's a certain... Good lord. They have an app now.
	Oh, yeah, I guess they do have an app. Okay, you're right.
	I'll give you that one, Razor.
	Breaking. They have an app. Someone has an iPhone now.
	I was saying, with the iPhone, we're like battered women.
	It's like, ugh, gosh.
	It's gotten so bad now, right?
	We're like, okay, it's gotten slow, and even though they supported net neutrality, now they're slowing down old phones, and no one even calls them on it, just like Facebook and Google and YouTube.
	And then it's just like, they're like, you bitch, you'll never find anyone better.
	You already paid for all these iTunes and these apps, and you're like, ugh.
	Yeah. You're right.
	I'm like Julia Robertson sleeping with the enemy.
	I have to swim out at dusk.
	It's so bad.
	I know that it's gotten bad.
	This keyboard for the iPad is so...
	Look at this origami crap.
	And I have to use it.
	What am I even looking at?
	This is a keyboard for the iPad Pro 10.5 and only Apple makes it and they charge $150.
	And I got it because I was going on a business trip where I needed a keyboard because I didn't have a laptop.
	It is so bad.
	I'm like a battered wife.
	That's about it. Jesus Christ.
	It looks like you're folding one of those paper claws in the back of third grade.
	Does he like me?
	Apple says, go screw yourself!
	Oh, shit! Anybody else notice, like, the left, like, just watching this coverage, the left gets really pissed around Christmas time.
	That's a good point! I kind of get it.
	Like, so wait a minute.
	A bearded, red, fat guy breaks into your house and gives you property.
	Like, I'm pretty sure Santa was invented to keep Bernie Sanders up at night.
	Yes. But then Jane Sender said, I'll take that and put it into a slash fund.
	We almost became so close to doing a Bernie Grinch two years ago.
	That's true. We almost did a Bernie Grinch two years ago.
	Would have worked. I don't know how often you watch the show.
	Did you know that I was on Bernie Sanders' flight when we went to Burlington?
	He was on my flight. Dear God in heaven, tell me there's a story.
	Well, here's the problem. I felt so bad.
	In real life, he's so frail.
	He can barely move. So here's the true story.
	Not Gay Jared was there. It was like...
	First off, my wife makes a mistake.
	We're at the Washington, D.C. I don't know if it was Reagan Dulles, I think so, airport.
	And she sees Bernie Sanders.
	And so she yells out to me, and I try and keep a low profile, and I get recognized every now and then.
	And she goes, Stephen Crowder!
	I'm like, oh my god. My ticket's been punched.
	And I'm sitting on here outside of Five Guys at the airport.
	Nice. And she goes, Steven!
	And I go, jeez, jeez. And we got into a fight about it.
	We got over it really quickly, but it was a fight.
	Like, it was one of those, like, just shut up!
	Shut up! Shut up! I can't believe you would tell your wife to just shut up right now!
	I don't want to die! So, she goes, Bernie Sanders.
	Is right there.
	And it was like a Wes Anderson film.
	Just a wish. Pan.
	And he was standing there, you know, with his kind of E.T. hands.
	And he didn't even have a briefcase, so you know he did no work.
	Because he was about to fly back to Burlington.
	He was two rows ahead of me, okay?
	He was in the economy plus plus right on the dividing line of first class.
	And you know that was a point of pride for him.
	Like, he got every perk from first class except the cocktail, right?
	He had all the leg room.
	I'm among the people.
	So, what's so funny, and I swear to you, I have pictures of this.
	When they would come by...
	Toes are digging in millionaires' purses.
	At this point, I had been up for like 16 hours.
	I had worked a 14-hour day and gotten onto a flight, and I was so tired.
	I'm like, I have to do something.
	I, like, tweet them. I'm like, if you don't do something here, you're going to regret this for the rest of your life.
	So I'm looking at him, and he's on his iPad, and I could tell it was the iPad Pro.
	I could tell by the bezel that it was the new 10.5.
	So he's not hurting for cash, Mr.
	Hoarder, crazy, crazy Kevin.
	So he's sitting there, and every now and then when they're bringing something free in first class, I swear to you, I could see him.
	They'd be like cocktails or something, and he'd be like, hmm, hmm.
	And he'd go back down like he hoped no one saw him.
	I go into the restroom, and I change into my Socialisms for Figs shirt.
	Oh, yes. This was the day.
	It was the challenge alone, your size in an airplane.
	Yes, very difficult.
	I'm pretty sure I contracted something I didn't want to.
	This, by the way, was the day after the Ted Cruz-Bernie debate.
	The one where he just floored him.
	Even the young Turks were like, who's going to kill Ted Cruz?
	And then in the middle of it, they were like, oh my God, throw in the towel, this is murder!
	This is murder! And Bernie was sitting there like, you never got me down!
	And then he just got knocked out and went, well, there you go.
	So that's how bad it was.
	So I put on the socialism for fake shirt.
	Of course he gets boarding off the plane first because it's economy plus plus plus and we get off and everyone's going one direction and we're in Burlington and he goes down this hallway.
	And I swear to you, it was like, it might as well have been a painting called Lonely Sad Man.
	Because he's walking with his Rain Man jacket and no briefcase.
	And like just barely hobbling down this hallway.
	It must have taken him 15 minutes to walk down the hallway.
	I just looked at him and I looked at my wife.
	I said, I can't. I can't.
	It's 1 o'clock in the morning.
	It was like George Lucas in the food court.
	Yeah! Exactly.
	You want to walk up and be like, hey, hey, George, you've ruined Indiana Jones, but then you feel bad for him because he's fat and lonely.
	And has four chins.
	Yes, exactly. I mean, if you were Kim Jong-un.
	He has one gigantic mono chin.
	He's like the chicks from Reboot with the one boob that goes across.
	Oh my gosh, I can't remember.
	You guys, Reboot was, are you Canadian?
	No. Reboot was a Canadian thing.
	Did you ever see Reboot? I don't know what he's talking about.
	But if that's what the socialist Muppet was doing, what was the puppeteer doing?
	Yes, exactly. I have no idea.
	Someone had his thumb up his ass.
	That's the main takeaway, I think.
	Actually, that's not fair.
	Not even Elmo is that read.
	No, but the puppeteer is.
	Everyone watched that documentary.
	You know Elmo Puppeteer is a pedophile, right?
	Did you know that? I can tell you're tired.
	Yeah, you didn't know this?
	Oh, man, he was splintered, too.
	Now the Ninja Turtles are ruined.
	Oh, crap. Yeah, yeah, splintered doing Tai Chi in the cage.
	He didn't ruin it? No, everyone watched that documentary, Being Elmo or Becoming Elmo, and then it turned out that he was actually, like, he was really just a sick, sick, twisted person.
	So you watch it, and you're like, oh, my gosh, look at him.
	He just wants to be a kid. And you're like, no, he just wants to be in kids.
	And then you realize that he's really sick and twisted, and it ruined everything.
	I think he's doing time.
	Well, I would hope he's doing time.
	I think so. Yeah, I would hope so.
	Yeah, he's like Harvey Weinstein. That's the proper punishment.
	Times a million, because they were children.
	Him and Muhammad, you know?
	All right, okay. Come along, say Snowfish!
	Now he's getting raped!
	What is he? He's drunk.
	That is the Elmo song.
	Hello, hello! Raise your hand!
	Sorry, raise your fist!
	It kinda turns, uh...
	It kinda turns tickle me Elmo into more of a verb than a noun.
	A request, even.
	Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
	That's arousing! We just made Tickle Me Elbow to a porn.
	What are we doing? No, he did!
	Look at your lives, people!
	Don't blame me for his decisions like that semi-tranny on CNN. I can just hear the people tuning out.
	So, listen, raise your fist.
	What is... We're at hour 15, and here's the thing.
	I keep looking to the screen here.
	There is nothing on CNN. Nothing.
	All day there's been nothing.
	The only real newsworthy thing, I don't know, to you, to me the most newsworthy thing all day, of course, was the Muslim, the Afghani Muslim, who ran a van into Christmas shoppers and said he did it because of the mistreatment of Muslims.
	It feels like yesterday we've heard about that now.
	At least we all have to wait until Antifa derails the Polar Express.
	Really? Yeah, Tom Hanks will be singing his hot chocolate, and then he just gets stabbed with an ice pick.
	Hot, hot, hot, hot!
	Oh, damn! Oh, this won't be reported by campus police!
	It was a bad day to wear a swastika!
	And that little kid who looks like Michael Douglas from Falling Down with the glasses and the buzz cut?
	Don't think we didn't notice what was happening there.
	Okay, so Tiny Tim Crutch, Razor Fist.
	What else, though? 2017, whole year.
	You have to pick your favorite moment all year long, politically, culturally.
	Like, is there something that really sticks out?
	You know, it's gotta be Donna Brazile dedicating her book to Seth Rich.
	That is... A new and exciting level of troll.
	I'm sorry. Like, that's going to be hard to top.
	That is true. I remember, and the right started embracing Donna Brazile, and we're going like, do you know who this woman is?
	Do you know who Donna Brazile is? And then she went on The View, and of course she was like, no, I hate Republicans.
	And I was like, well, there you go. And then that ended really quickly.
	That's a good one. I forgot she dedicated her book to Seth Rich.
	And, you know, she probably played a part in killing the guy.
	Steven, Steven, just the driver.
	It's a boy to go down like a sack of beef. Yes, yes.
	That's one thing. I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
	Okay, we'll leave you with this because we do have to get going.
	We have Pogo and then Dean Cain.
	Then we have to wrap up a YouTube Carol.
	We get to see if Tiny Not Gay Jared survives from the AIDS. He was down to his last 200 CD4 cells.
	Let me ask you this. When it comes to Donna Brazile, I don't entertain conspiracy theories, okay?
	Right. But, and I know you're more of a libertarian, so you're not on the crazy conspiracy sort of front line.
	I'm not going to start talking like Jesse Ventura.
	I don't know if that's Jesse Ventura or if that's Caitlyn Jenner.
	I was on the cover of Vogue.
	Or the Joker, who knows?
	Or it puts a lotion in the face!
	Builder bird! Yes, but if you have to bet, gun to your head.
	Okay, everyone in this room, including Sven Computer.
	All right, gun to your head, Razor Fist.
	Do you think the Clintons have played a role in killing somebody?
	I think it's...
	Keep in mind the Underwoods were based on them.
	I think back in Arkansas...
	Yes. Okay. I think the body that was moved...
	By the way, did you ever watch Norm MacDonald troll the girls on The View about that?
	You know what? It's been wiped clean off of YouTube.
	Yeah, didn't you hear Bill Clinton?
	He killed a guy. You can't find it anywhere.
	Yeah, tell him he killed you.
	My favorite quote in there is he looks at Star Jones.
	He goes, yeah, and I never watched Star Wars, but I know some of you really like it.
	Yeah, Billy Dee Williams. You know what I'm talking about.
	It's just... Okay, so you do think Arkansas probably...
	At least they knew about it. Yeah, yeah, I think so.
	Okay. That's been corroborated by Huckabee, kind of.
	It's been corroborated? Corroborated, corroborated.
	It's confirmed. Okay, what do you think?
	Do you think the Clintons have played a role?
	Absolutely, 100%.
	Yes, I don't even know what the thought process is here.
	The answer is yes.
	Okay. Absolutely, no doubt.
	Do you also think that... At a bare minimum, he killed innocent civilians when he shot tomahawk missiles at Afghanistan and wound up killing houses full of innocent people.
	Yeah, but that's different. We're talking about political gain here on U.S. soil.
	Yes, he did. Yes, they did.
	They played a part. They made the call.
	Something like that, yes. And do you also believe that George W. Bush was next to Tower 7 with an Acme plunger and a ram's head?
	Probably not. All right, at Sven Computer, do you think, if you have to bet your life on it, okay, so you just have to bet your life, yes or no, The Clintons.
	Bill and Hillary Clinton. Have they knowingly played a role or knew about the murder of someone?
	Do you think so? Did they know about a murder?
	Know about it? Okay, but you don't think they played a role in it?
	No, I go full cuck computer and say, no, they didn't kill anyone.
	We're directly involved.
	Okay, all right. Okay, so Sven's the voice of...
	Not K. Jared? No, 100%.
	Okay, so it's not just me.
	Come on. It's the only conspiracy theory where if you read up on Vince Foster, if you read up on Brown, you're like...
	And again, there's very little else that I buy into.
	Those are the ones we know about, too.
	Yeah, I know. I know.
	I know. I mean... There's nothing they wouldn't do.
	Nothing. All right. Okay. Okay, well, there we go.
	One everyone says yes, and one cybernetic organism says no.
	Razor Fist with a zero.
	Where's the best place to be able to find you, brother?
	Well, you can find me on my YouTube channel, which is youtube.com slash c Slash the Rage of Holland.
	That is what it is. Not on Twitter.
	We'll just crop that out. Yeah, we'll crop it on Twitter.
	You can still look at it.
	It's a lovely archive. Yeah, we'll just have to go through the web time machine and look back and go, oh, those were the days.
	All right, Rage of Fist, thank you so much since we won't see you before then.
	Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and we'll see you in the new year without a doubt, sir.
	Godspeed. Thanks for having me on with your butt flap.
	Merry Christmas. All right. Thank you. Take care.
	Go back with your appendix. Appendix carrying a Blackhawk.
	Do you have any idea how big a Blackhawk is?
	Oh, no! Well, they got Crystal on now.
	It's Bill Crystal. Oh, no!
	I feel like it's like it's Black Bart.
	Oh, no! It's Black Bart!
	They put out a tweet that Dictionary.com put out that there's a word for somebody who praises someone every 12 seconds.
	But they didn't tell us what the word was.
	But Dictionary.com's getting in on the action.
	Come on. One thing about Bill...
	Bill Kristol is just such a wiener.
	A little bit. Like, that's the thing about Bill Kristol.
	It's not that he was a never-Trumper.
	Like, I didn't even disagree with him on everything.
	But it's just Bill Kristol is everything that people don't like about Republicans.
	Yeah. Okay, let's hear what Bill Kristol has to say.
	Look at his face!
	He's smelling his own farts and enjoying it.
	Oh, that's right.
	I thought Hopper left.
	I used to sleep there.
	You're the vice president, or you're secretary of state, or you're a cabinet member, and
	you behave with dignity and appropriate deference to the president, but there's a kind of third
	world banana republic quality to the way Pence is- Here's the problem with Bill Kristol.
	We've just listened to him for 45 seconds and he has said nothing.
	And that's the problem with cable news.
	They're taught, and by the way, this is something, I'll let you in on a little, I've talked about this before, a little inside baseball.
	It's an actual technique.
	Well, not a technique, but it's sort of, I guess you would say, an approach that they're taught from their think tanks, from their consulting firms.
	Most of these people, they don't make their living off of cable news.
	It pays pathetically. So they work for think tanks.
	They're consultants for political insiders to some degree.
	And they also make some cash on the side.
	Did Johnny Mathis? Oh my gosh, he has not aged well.
	So what happens is they're taught to take up as much time as possible.
	Because if you're in a quadrant or you're in a split three screen, right?
	You're going, okay, there's only so much time.
	We have an eight-minute segment.
	Take up as much time as possible.
	So you're not taught to make your points as succinctly and effectively as possible.
	You're taught to try and cut off the ring, to try and keep the other guy from talking for a certain amount of time.
	And so Bill Kristol is trained, he's conditioned to use as much time while saying as little as possible.
	And then they wrap it up with a point at the end.
	It was like he had his heart set on being a professional career congressional filibuster and then just took second best, just CNN settled.
	Yeah. Well, he's National Review still?
	Is he still there? Yeah, I believe so.
	And it's kind of like leaning on a guy on the cage and running out the clock in MMA. Right?
	Right. And just kind of waiting for the time to go.
	All right. At Sven Computer has some more sign-ups, by the way.
	So, by the way, listen, thanks so much for people.
	We're in the home stretch here. We're going to have segment five.
	Hour and 12 minutes to go. Segment five of, yeah, you know what?
	I realize with Dean Cain, we won't be able to play the whole thing.
	We'll just play segment five. We won't have time to play the whole Christmas Carol thing.
	People are counting on it. No, people weren't counting.
	They've seen it. They've already seen it.
	People have been watching the whole day. Okay, let's ask Sven Computer.
	Sven Computer, lottoclutter.com slash monthclub.
	We've had a lot of sign-ups here today, and so we're going to read some aloud right now to the newest monthclub members.
	By the way, we will figure out by next week, because renewals start in January, a lot of people have been saying, what if I renew for three years?
	Do I get a special gift?
	It never even occurred to me.
	Because online, people usually don't pay for things.
	They find a way to steal it. Our fans have been so loyal.
	Thank you so much. If you sign up for three years, we will find something really, really cool to give you.
	We just haven't even thought of it.
	So we will provide you with that option for people who join and you're up for renewal.
	A lot of people are up for renewal January 1st.
	Thank you for asking. Sven Computer, tell us about the new signups.
	Well, we have a bunch of new people who send screenshots.
	So the first one is Joshua.
	Thank you very much. Joshua. And we have Noah.
	Noah? He's a biblical name.
	And we have Patrick Jokowiak.
	Make sure no personal info is revealed.
	Well, it's just Twitter accounts.
	Okay. Joseph Ward. Joseph, hey!
	Yes. Jenkins Malone.
	Jenkins, hey! That's a fake name.
	Alvaro. I don't know how to pronounce that.
	Alvaro. Alvaro.
	Alvaro. A-U-X. Charles The Set.
	Charles. What's that?
	Wesley Tempels. Hey, Wesley!
	Hopefully you don't get nixed on tax evasion like Snipes.
	I don't know how to pronounce his last name.
	You said it's like Scrodom. Benjamin Scrodom.
	Well, you know what? I'm sorry grade school was horrible for you, but now you're a part of the club that matters more.
	Ethan. Thank you.
	Who? Thank you, Steven.
	Steven. No, it was Ethan.
	Oh, Ethan. You said Ethan like you.
	Who's Ethan here? No.
	Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived.
	Maybe. There you go. Maybe.
	Sorry. Not enough.
	I wouldn't know what that's like, you feisty German.
	Come on. Alex Stevens, thank you very much.
	I can't hear you. That's the most insubordinate Nazi computer I've ever seen.
	Okay, continue. All right, then we have Tony.
	Thank you very much. Tony!
	He's great! Todd.
	Wow, really? Todd.
	Todd, there we go. Chuck. Chuck.
	And then the last one, I think it's just...
	Oh, yeah, that's just Stephen.
	That's just... Thank you so much to everyone who joined.
	Every time you join Mug Club...
	Muhammad gets... And not getting Jared has to do a shot.
	An angel gets his wings, obviously, or its wings.
	An angel gets Z's wings, and of course, Muhammad doesn't get to witness it because he's burning in hell.
	Yes, he's face down.
	He's face down!
	Face down!
	Not get Jared to support the overlays.
	Otherwise, that usually is an easy laugh from him.
	It's true. If ever I need an easy laugh from Jared, it's that or the crazy Asian boys.
	Yes, that's true. That's me.
	All right, listen, we are going into the home stretch.
	You know, listen, I had people out there say, no, people told me, don't do the whole...
	Christmas carol bit at the end because people have been watching for the whole day and that's like 40 minutes.
	Is it really that long? 30 minutes.
	30 minutes. Well, I've had a lot of people say don't do it.
	How about this? Is there a way for us to get that out to them on another day?
	Let's put out a poll. Let's put out a poll.
	We've had four segments thus far.
	We have a final segment for a YouTube carol.
	Right. The final segment of YouTube Carol, and people are wanting to know, okay, listen, do you want us to run segment one through four and five as one continuous film, or just segment five?
	Most people were telling me they just wanted to watch segment five because they've been watching all day.
	Okay, so maybe we play segment five and then give people the opportunity.
	Will you be able to upload it for them to watch?
	Well, yeah, we're going to upload it for them to watch separately on YouTube Carol.
	I think people can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I don't want to waste your time.
	Some people missed a segment or two like myself, and we'd love to see it all, but maybe not tonight.
	Hey, it's the brawny man!
	Hey. Ho, ho, ho.
	No one can see him. It's Aaron the intern, but he's wearing plaid like the brawny man.
	There you go. And he's wearing no socks.
	Hey! Is he still drunk?
	Can we find out, did my wife give, did the midget keep the socks?
	It's not the midget. It's a dwarf.
	Did the dwarf keep the socks?
	I think the dwarf kept the socks.
	Oh, you know what? We can't run the whole thing because we have two guests.
	We have Dean Cain and Poco. Dean Cain's at 1030.
	All right, so just do the We'll do just a segment.
	That's all we can do. We'll upload it later for everybody to watch.
	So there you go. The decision has been made.
	We have Pogo coming up in not too long.
	And then we also have, of course...
	Oh, hold on a second. What is this?
	Someone just said, wait, stop.
	What are you saying, Zen Computer?
	Okay. All right.
	Nice. No, Courtney, she's helping me with Twitter.
	We're only running segment five of a YouTube Carol.
	The conclusion, narrated by Mark Ripito.
	And the conclusion, the finale will take place at the very end of this program.
	Okay, hold on, let's bring back up CNN. Again.
	Former CIA detector.
	Again, John O'Brennan.
	It's a tweet from John O'Brennan on Donald Trump's reaction to the U.N.'s reaction to Donald Trump recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.
	See the claims he's making, too?
	Do you notice how they cover up the time stamp of the Twitter?
	Do you notice that, Naked Jared? They cover up the time stamp because it's like it happened at 1.15 or something.
	He says he demands blind loyalty.
	No! He says his actions demand blind loyalty.
	That's not true. He said loyalty.
	He asked for loyalty. No, no, this wasn't about that.
	His decision on Jerusalem is what he's talking about.
	Right. No, no, no. This is from Comey from a long time ago.
	That tweet was not.
	The tweet was about Jerusalem that he just brought up.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Sorry, sorry. I thought we were talking about it.
	No, it relates back to that, though.
	Yeah. Well, here's the deal. Is Donald Trump the kind of guy who I'd expect to be like, listen, you better be loyal to me in everything or else I'm going to screw you against the wall?
	Probably. Did that happen here?
	No. No. Even Ben Shapiro, we all agreed.
	Listen, I don't know.
	Am I the only one who thinks, like, nothing that Donald Trump has done regarding Israel?
	It's anything outside the basic realms of reason?
	No. Let's look at what he's done, okay?
	It's only shocking because so many presidents before it set a precedence of being complete pussies.
	Yes. That's the only reason why it's news at all.
	Consistently. Jared has a red nose.
	He does. Do I? Yeah, you do.
	Are you okay? Can you handle the rest of the evening?
	No. Good lord.
	No, yeah, think about it for a second.
	I'm going to be the only sober one. What did Donald Trump do?
	Okay, he said, alright, Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.
	Well, it has been, always.
	And he said, we're going to recognize it, we're going to put our embassy there.
	There was a bill signed that was supposed to happen in 1999, and every president said they were going to do it.
	So that's his big offense.
	Right? So that's the sin that Donald Trump committed.
	The UN then voted.
	What did the UN vote to do?
	Nothing. They voted to condemn Donald Trump and this administration.
	That's it. It's a vote to publicly humiliate Donald Trump.
	Okay? So that's step two.
	Donald Trump did what every other president has said they would do.
	He's the first one to actually do it.
	Oh, my wife is calling out Hopper.
	All right. Come on, Hopper. You can go.
	Go with Mama. I know you like Gerald.
	So that's number one. Number two.
	Number three is my wife got me to lose my concentration here.
	Are you talking about Israel? Oh, yeah, yeah.
	So that's it. So the U.N. has said we're going to vote to condemn Donald Trump.
	Then it passed overwhelmingly because the U.N. is a bunch of horrible human beings.
	Haley goes in there and says exactly what you say.
	Screw you all. Right. Exactly.
	So now we're at step number three.
	And what is step number three?
	Oh, this is why. We're sending back in the pooch.
	Hopper, come here, buddy! He's like, I was so comfortable.
	Come here, buddy! Get these things off of me.
	Oh, my gosh.
	He is a prop. What about if anybody else gets a seizure?
	We're all fine They don't they don't let dogs have guns
	Sorry, that's very true.
	It's late. You can always prison carry.
	So now we're talking about Donald Trump did what all presidents said they were going to do.
	Now we're talking about the UN's mad about it.
	Yeah. And Trump said, well, screw you.
	And now we're talking about a tweet about Donald Trump's screw you to the UN. This is all day.
	Saying it's an authoritarian move. Saying that he's taking names.
	Are you kidding me? I don't understand this.
	I don't understand how this is a network.
	Yeah. Please, everybody, if you've learned nothing today, and if you're still alive, and you can hear this...
	Is there anyone getting this transmission?
	Is there anyone out there?
	Is there anyone left? Something else I think that's really important.
	This kind of journalistic malpractice is not bred just in one year since Donald Trump.
	This has been going on for a long time.
	I don't think there have ever been the journalistic standards of integrity that people think there have been outside of the movies.
	I really don't. Again, it goes back to the selfish nature.
	Liberals believe that everyone's selfish and everyone's bad except for when it comes to the government.
	All of a sudden, you give all the money to Nancy Pelosi, and it's going to be smooth
	sailing.
	For some reason, they want to believe that everyone's bad and everyone's selfish when
	it comes to corporations, when it comes to businesses, when it comes to the guy who's
	running a local Arby's or running a local Quiznos.
	We want to believe this guy needs to be taxed out the wazoo.
	He shouldn't be able to pass his real estate onto his children because he's a horrible
	human being.
	When it comes to multinational, multibillion-dollar news corporations, however, like CNN or MSNBC,
	Fox News notwithstanding, we're supposed to believe that they have standards.
	Because George Clooney made a movie once.
	I mean, this has been happening forever.
	That's the thing. I mean, this doesn't occur overnight.
	This occurs over decades and decades of no one calling them on it.
	And I find myself a little like Stephen Martin in Plains, Trades, and Automobiles.
	Like, this would all be just...
	All would be tolerable if they weren't so boring.
	It is so boring. Just talk about something.
	Oh my gosh. I don't know how people do this.
	Yeah. There's someone who lives down the street I can see because they have a bunch of windows.
	I can see they have Fox News on 24-7.
	And then there's someone else.
	And I can see they have CNN on all day.
	You can't do that. I don't know how you live with that.
	But you've also seen this coming too, right?
	It's been happening over decades.
	But look over the last eight years before Trump came into office.
	And it was singing the praises of Barack Obama.
	No matter what he did, right?
	Ram stuff through on health care.
	Oh, he's the best president ever.
	Completely privatized.
	What is it? One-sixth of our economy?
	There you go. Oh jeez, I guess we have another guest.
	We got a guest coming on. Privatize the economy?
	Oh, that's no problem at all. I mean, think about it.
	They didn't start to really turn on him any until Hillary started to separate herself from him in the race.
	Right. That's when they started to go with Hillary, but not against Obama on their own, but because Hillary was kind of trying to separate herself.
	Well, this is what we said on air early on today.
	It's not about the standards that are applied.
	Yeah. It's about whether they are applied equally.
	And are they applying the same filter to this administration, to the Bush administration, as they did to Barack Obama?
	And that's where you know if their interest lies in either, if they have a vested interest in getting someone elected, keeping them in office, or if they have a vested interest in the truth.
	Right. It's about how they apply their criticism.
	Right. We took one day today.
	Correct. I would bet you that you couldn't find one single day ever in the history of CNN throughout the eight years of the Obama presidency that was this critical and negative.
	I don't think you could find one day.
	He could have gotten outside and pissed on the lawn, waved to the cameras and walked back in and it wouldn't have been that bad.
	That's true. I mean, he could have.
	I mean, think about it. He could have done just about anything.
	He would have walked out, pissed on the lawn, waved to the camera, and would have said, wow, can you look at the fire hose on that president?
	So the rumors are true.
	Exactly. That's what they would have done.
	I didn't have any trust in media beforehand.
	But this has solidified it.
	Like I said, what I do, what we do with our show, is when we go into the morning pitch, most of our sources come from the...
	Look, he's trying to get rid of his...
	Come on, Hopper. You want to take that off?
	Tell him to take it off. We get most of our sources from the left.
	Wouldn't you say, not gay, Jared? I would say probably 80%.
	80% of our sources. But I have everyone on the team bookmark liberal sites and then conservative sites.
	So you've got two rows.
	And like I said, when I get up and I have news in the morning, I've got NPR, I've got Reuters, I've got Fox News.
	I listen to them side by side so I know what both people are saying.
	And I can tell you today exactly what they're saying.
	Donald Trump has decided to finally recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and station
	the embassy there after the vote in 1995 passed 390-something to 6, or whatever it was, a
	binding agreement guaranteeing that the embassy would be in Jerusalem no later than May 1999.
	And of course Hamas is upset.
	Then you go to PBS or you go to NPR and it says, Donald Trump is killing Palestinians.
	All right.
	He has loved he I don't know what time it is over there, but he's calling us from the land down under
	Every bump outside of our intro track, which maybe we'll change something.
	Maybe he'll make a custom intro track for us, but we do have a custom intro track from somebody else.
	But every other bump that we use on the show is from this guy.
	I probably listen to him more than any artist I have discovered in the last 10 years.
	You know him. You love him.
	He's a good-looking chap.
	You know him as Pogo. Nick Bertke, Pogo, thank you so much for being here, sir.
	Steve, how are you guys doing?
	It's so awesome to hear you guys' voice again.
	How's it going? Horribly.
	16 hours, they were saying?
	Well, no, we've been up for much longer, but we've been watching CNN for 15 hours.
	15 hours, yeah. Goddamn.
	All right, listen, I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to give you the hit list of CNN for the day, okay?
	Okay, I'm going to try and rapid fire this.
	So just to kind of, the whole purpose of this was to see how biased CNN is, and you can only know by watching an entire day of the original programming.
	By the way, they're lazy. It's only 16 hours.
	They don't do 24 hours of programming.
	It's a bunch of diabetes reruns.
	16 hours is generous. Yeah, 16 hours is generous because they've been running the same 15 minutes.
	So they start off with Russia probe, Russia probe, Russia probe.
	Mueller, Adam Schiff talked about the Mueller probe.
	He's been saying he has evidence for nine months.
	No evidence, no mention not once of Uranium One.
	And I know you're social media savvy, so that was number one trend on Twitter and Facebook
	all day.
	They've been saying that nine million tiny Tims will die because Republicans want to
	do away with the chide health care initiative, which is not true.
	No mention of the Melbourne attacker, by the way, being Afghani Sayed Nouri, who said that
	he was doing it for the mistreatment of Muslims.
	Not one mention all day on CNN.
	It's never been mentioned.
	They just said some guy ran a van into Holiday Shoppers.
	Holiday, not Christmas.
	That's the cherry on top of the politically correct crap Sunday.
	There's no mention of the 1995 Israel vote, of course, which said, of course, Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.
	And of course, our embassy should be there.
	They said that Bannon, breaking news, Bannon hates Bush when Bannon actually said this in June.
	And then finally, when we realized that Republicans actually wanted to extend spending...
	What? October. October, sorry.
	When we realized that Republicans actually said, listen, we don't want to shut the government down.
	Let's sign this bill here so that we can kick it to January 19th.
	They were saying Tiny Tim was going to die.
	Then they realized it wasn't. They just said, ah, 45 seconds of the voted.
	House decided to kick this down the road.
	No recognition that Republicans put it forward.
	Finally, apparently it's a problem that Mike Pence, the vice president, is supporting the president.
	That was breaking news for about four hours.
	There you go. That's the entire CNN news cycle for today, Nick.
	Any thoughts? Well, the last thing I heard of CNN is you guys had some kind of pipe bomb incident in New York, and the only thing CNN wanted to cover during the whole escapade was the allegation that Trump drinks 12 drinks every day or something like that.
	Diet Coke, yeah. Yeah, and you're thinking like, why is there attention on this guy?
	Like, if you don't like somebody, you probably shouldn't make every move of theirs, you know, a breaking news headline.
	Let me ask you this. Melbourne, obviously, that's in your home country here.
	How much do you know about this attack now?
	Do people in Australia know that it was Sidney Ori and that he said, you know, listen, this is because of mistreatment of Muslims?
	Is that kind of common knowledge there?
	No, it's news to me at the moment, Steve.
	Sorry. Yeah. Really?
	Well, he also said that his toaster was talking to him.
	But like Sven Computer said, that's kind of hedging your bets.
	It's like, yes, this is for the mistreatment of Muslims, but also I'm crazy, so who knows?
	So yeah, now, Muslim, Afghani, Muslim.
	It's like Russian roulette with a single stack.
	Yes, Russian roulette with a single stack.
	I mean, it is, it is, and you know what?
	That tells me that the Australian news is doing a disservice as well, because you have to go searching for this stuff.
	It's hard to find real information out there.
	Do you guys have a 24-hour news station in Australia?
	No, I don't think so. I think everyone packs up around 7 or 8.
	I know my Leonopoulos spoke to Parliament not long ago.
	Which was mind-blowing.
	I don't know if such a thing would be allowed to happen in the US. What do you think about that?
	What did he speak to Parliament about?
	Oh, jeez, everything. Just warning everyone about the bias of the left-wing journalists.
	Double-check everything. Think for yourself.
	Don't just buy into the narratives on the TV. I was really impressed that we even allowed him to speak.
	I'm blown away. Honestly, I'm surprised they allowed that, too.
	Listen, if they allow anyone to speak and actually kind of coach them from the private sector, from outside their government bubble, I'm happy about it.
	So that surprised me.
	No, I don't think that would be allowed here in the United States.
	You'd probably be allowed to be a lobbyist and go have coffee with them or something like that.
	I'm not entirely sure. Let me ask you this, Nick.
	So you're a creative type, but what is your favorite political slash cultural moment of 2017?
	We've been asking everyone, if you have to pick a moment from 2017, what would you say is your highlight, kind of as far as news or culture, anything like that?
	It would have to be the left's protesting of Donald Trump's election by encouraging everyone across the nation to scream into the sky for half an hour.
	Okay, you know what?
	That's true. That was 2017.
	A lot of other people said election night, but the inauguration, that was the lady screaming in her green jacket.
	Yeah, that was early on in the year.
	Well, that's kind of sad because that means that the highlight of your year was last January.
	Yeah. Nothing else tickled your fancy all year?
	No, no, I thought this was the anniversary.
	Well, no, no, I mean, your favorite moment all year, but that was a good moment.
	Yeah, all year of 2017.
	You can pick any, but that was a good one.
	I'm wondering if there's any other moment that might stick out.
	To me, this last week has been pretty incredible, honestly.
	Mm-hmm. Watching what's been going on.
	What have you guys been covering?
	I know you've been doing your Change My Mind series, which I love.
	I think everyone's really getting on board with that, too.
	Oh, gosh. Well, thank you so much.
	You know, it's funny that you mention that because we had carolers come in.
	So, you know, we've been doing a lot of this.
	We had Midget Dwarf Jesus and Dwarf Santa wrestle in figgy pudding to determine the true spirit of Christmas right here in the studio.
	And we also had carolers come in.
	Yeah, by the way, Jesus won, so that's the true spirit of Christmas.
	Thank God. And...
	We had carolers come in.
	Well, this was a surprise. Nakajir did this for me.
	And the carolers came in. There were three carolers.
	It turns out there were four carolers.
	But one of them saw me on the green screen monitor, started sobbing uncontrollably, and said she wouldn't come in and sing for me.
	And she left. She had to be carried out because she couldn't walk out in her own strength.
	She was like... The irony of this all is that she didn't want to participate in our program, so she refused to sing.
	She's been the main topic of the last 10 hours.
	I know! She's been the main topic.
	I'm going to track her down. But what's funny is because you mentioned the Change My Mind, so our producer said, hey, listen, how much do you know about the show?
	He said, listen. And she was like...
	Don't talk to me. She locked herself in my green room, locking us out.
	By the way, there are many guns in the green room, so she was probably just more triggered.
	We have a revolver, a classic revolver on display.
	So then my producer says, listen, you can just, you can go in.
	If you disagree with him, you can actually go in and talk to him right here, sit next to him on the recliner, and he'll listen.
	And she just freaked out and left.
	She was like the Wicked Witch of the West melting into the floor.
	She was that hysterical.
	Wow, that's crazy.
	What made you guys want to do the whole Change My Mind series?
	What was the starting moment for that?
	We were talking about that. I was at a pitch meeting and I was just sitting there going like...
	It was something really basic.
	I was going, okay, is it me?
	Maybe there's something I'm missing.
	And I said, you know, listen, I'm open to having my mind changed.
	And I realized... I can't have my mind changed by Sally Cohn or Christopher Titus or the liberals who come on the show from TechCrunch who are coming on with their sword ready for a tax.
	I said, but you know what? Let's just go to a college or let's go somewhere where some people who are moderately educated...
	Maybe go to Planned Parenthood with I Am Pro-Life.
	Change my mind. Yeah, go to Planned Parenthood.
	They kicked us out. So that was just like, let's go to someone who's moderately educated.
	And I said, and I'm going to bite my tongue, use the Socratic method, and just see if people can rationalize their position.
	It was the opposite of cable news.
	It started with me saying, maybe have a blind spot.
	And we're honestly blown away.
	Blown away that it's been as successful as it is because it's the opposite of this.
	They have, you know, nine minutes to do a segment and then six minutes of commercials and they all have to hit their talking points and try and block time for the other guy.
	And we just said let's do the opposite.
	That was the inspiration. Yeah, and people have been pretty civil.
	Well, for the most part, pretty civil, wouldn't you say?
	Well, we have one coming up that's pro-life later where a girl tried to steal my microphone and then told me that I had no right to take it back.
	And I was like, but that's my microphone.
	So, you know...
	Yes, I saw that. Yes.
	Well, it gets worse.
	And the lady who said I was scum, most of the time it's pretty civil.
	You do realize, though, when you get on college campus, a lot of these kids...
	I mean, they've been raised in a generation where they're just taught they can take anything they want.
	And if someone else protests, they're the oppressor.
	So we literally sit them down with a table and ask them questions and do the change of my mind.
	And we've tried to be civil. And then one girl took the microphone and said, hey, that's my microphone.
	I want it back. She freaked out.
	And you just realize that's a generation of people who've been told, like, well, if you want the microphone, it's now your microphone.
	And you realize it's a generation of people who, the crazy liberal ones, it's like a dog on a choker chain that you've been just pulling on the tension and just the media stirring the pot for months and months.
	As soon as they had the opportunity, Stephen Crowder and Jared, they just, you get a couple of them that are nasty and you can tell they've just been waiting for that moment.
	Right. To bite you. Yeah, the people who weren't beaten enough as children.
	Right, exactly. But you know what?
	I will say what gave me hope is there was a girl when we were at SMU in an Obama shirt.
	She had an Obama 08 shirt, and when this other girl who took the microphone started doing her freak-out deal, this girl in the Obama 08 shirt, black girl, actually, I saw her do this out of the corner of my eye, like, oh, these are our representatives on campus.
	So even there, I think it's just they scream the loudest, but I don't think most people agree with them anymore.
	No. It's a small bubble, isn't it?
	It's a small bubble, but CNN is that bubble.
	It's amplified because all of CNN is that bubble.
	All of the entertainment industry is that bubble.
	But in real life, it's this tiny bubble you have to search for.
	But if you flip on the TV, whether it's entertainment or media, it's everything.
	And that's where I think the disconnect is.
	That's why most people think America is this crazy leftist place, but it's not when they visit.
	You know, it's not what you see on TV. And if any of these news entities or entertainment outlets aren't vitriolic enough on their own, it's kind of like the concoction, the magic potion that comes together to create these social stories who freak out about everything, you know, crying Trump girl and stuff.
	Yeah. You know, combine all these things together, you know, the powers unite.
	Then you've got some really weird shit.
	Well, what about Australia, Pogo?
	Oh, go ahead. Sorry, you were going to ask me something.
	I was just going to ask you, do you think Twitter and Facebook is helping to change the direction of that pendulum?
	Do you think more and more people are starting to question the media, or do you think it's very much the way it's always been?
	No, here's the thing. Most people don't watch CNN. Unfortunately, and this was the thing with net neutrality that I just found so funny, all of these YouTubers fell in line and said, we need net neutrality.
	We can't repeal the Obama 2015 rules.
	Look, We're good to go.
	But YouTube and Google and Facebook and Apple are inherently altruistic.
	And now we see Apple couldn't care less about being fair.
	They're slowing down your phone, not because of data, but because it's old.
	They want you to buy a new one.
	And so I think you're seeing this happen right now to a degree that's just...
	I just think people are so blinded by it.
	So you see Facebook now saying we're going to just no longer flag fake news.
	We're not going to show it altogether.
	But we've been watching 16 hours of fake news.
	All day. Mm-hmm. In Australia, do you think it's a bubble that's amplified by the media?
	Do you think most people are actually pretty reasonable?
	Or do you think it's just as crazy as we see in your media?
	Because when I watch Australian morning TV, I'm like, oh my god, this seems crazy.
	It's gone so far on the bend.
	Look, the TV makes it much worse than it actually is, yeah.
	One of the things I love about culture in Australia is that everyone gets a fair go.
	Everyone gets the megaphone.
	No one's head gets higher than anyone else's head.
	Right. And it's actually something I think is quite different about Australia.
	Everyone's on the same playing field.
	Some people call it tall puppy syndrome, which is this phenomenon in which, like, Achievement is not really a welcome for celebration.
	It's actually kind of treated with almost complete indifference.
	But the other side of that coin is everyone gets the same treatment.
	So I know Milo did an appearance on some morning TV show here, and he absolutely annihilated this feminist who was on there, this half-balled feminist he called, and just destroyed it.
	And I think a lot of Australians kind of agree that it's getting out of hand.
	People are being spoon-fed and distracted instead of thinking for themselves.
	Yeah, I can imagine.
	I mean, look, we have the attack today in Melbourne, and I mean, do you get down to van control?
	You guys have had the mandatory gun buyback.
	You know, what do you do? People have access to cars.
	People can hurt. And we've been told, the reason I say this is because in the United States, Australia has been used as the example for gun control.
	You know, Obama used them.
	Pelosi used them. CNN has used them.
	I think maybe even today saying, look at the gun buyback in Australia, how successful it's been.
	Well, it really hasn't.
	Violent crime and actually murder hasn't really been changed.
	But people can also kill people with cars.
	You know, you give them a Land Rover, you give them a Chevrolet Tahoe, it's a lot worse than a mishap with my little Walther here.
	Yeah, a car is a weapon.
	Right. Absolutely. You can't nerf the whole world.
	And, you know, I wonder if people are coming to that realization, and we're seeing that with the UK and Australia.
	I hate that you guys have to be a cautionary tale, but I will say, to the United States, you're kind of becoming that just because the left has pointed to you guys for so long, saying, look, it works perfectly here.
	And now people are saying, maybe not. Yeah, look, it's kind of a welfare country.
	You guys have Uber over there, and we have Uber over here too, and we're starting to place all sorts of taxes on the Uber fares, and actually on the side of the passenger now as well, because they feel that all the income is being taken out of the country, it's an offshore organization, we're losing that cash, we need to tax this, we need to tax that.
	And so now the little guy's paying the price, as usual.
	Right, exactly. Well, that happened in Montreal.
	They allowed Uber. What was it that the Uber driver was telling us?
	They allowed Uber, then they started taxing them out of existence, and then they said, okay, we will allow you, but it became so expensive that it almost became unusable.
	Yeah. And think about it. That's one thing.
	Is there anything more ironic to you than socialists being against what they have coined the sharing economy?
	Yeah. Uber and Airbnb.
	They created it. Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't think it's a government's job to regulate a free market.
	I'm sorry. I don't think that's their business.
	Especially when the quality is so much better.
	Uber is a much more pleasant experience than taxis, just like Airbnb.
	It's lovely. Yes. Big unions will always be the home team for the government.
	That's true. Big unions will always be a home team for the government.
	I hope you guys get Uber.
	What about Lyft? Is Lyft allowed?
	Same boat?
	I haven't heard of this. No, what's Lyft?
	Well, it's like competition to Uber that makes it better because they're nipping at their heels.
	So, yeah, it makes sense that you guys don't have Lyft.
	I'm sorry. Hey, Pogo, let me ask you, what's coming up from Pogo?
	What can we expect? What should we be looking for as far as albums?
	And when are we going to get a custom Louder with Crowder song?
	There we go. People were asking, but not me.
	Yeah, that's a really good idea.
	Well, I'm busy trying to carve some space in the schedule at the moment to do something for you guys, because especially with your whole Change My Mind series, you guys are really onto something with that, and that's inspiring me.
	But at the moment, I'm trying to get my next album out for the new year.
	I'm getting artwork made at the moment with one of my really good friends.
	There'll be a lot of SoundCloud releases in there, but a lot of new stuff as well.
	So hopefully in the next couple of weeks.
	We'll see. Okay, well, absolutely.
	And listen, if you do get something done, if Change My Mind is what's inspiring you, we will change the montage song.
	We're using a Pogo song, but we'll change it to a custom song.
	We can switch out all YouTube videos if it's just the musical track, actually.
	I think it's partners. Yeah, I love it.
	That sounds awesome. So, yeah, we love you over here, and all of our fans constantly ask us, what is this music?
	And we say, Pogo, Pogo, Pogo, go download it.
	Listen, we have to go.
	We have Dean Cain coming up on the final installment of a YouTube carol.
	Nick, where's the best place for people to find you?
	YouTube.com forward slash pogo is the best place to find me.
	That's the best place. Thank you so much for stopping by.
	We appreciate it. And listen, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year because we probably won't talk to you before then.
	Thank you so much, sir. Merry Christmas, guys.
	Merry Christmas, guys. Thank you.
	Merry Christmas and God bless.
	We are in the homestretch. Let's turn up CNN to see if anything here has happened.
	It says new developments. New developments.
	President Trump set to sign the tax cut bill tomorrow.
	Do you mean the bill that he helped design?
	Is he going to change his mind?
	It's like saying, new developments.
	Steven's going to put a period at the end of the tweet that he's already composed.
	Use punctuation in tweets?
	By the way, that's a woman though, right?
	Yeah. The one next to older Clay Aiken?
	Half of CNN contributors, they look like Buffalo Bill!
	I don't really know what Buffalo Bill looks like, but I get it.
	Buffalo Bill, Silence of the Lambs. Oh, that guy.
	Same guy. Gosh, I missed it twice.
	It's a callback, dammit.
	Sorry. I'd say it's a chair, but he's working on a technical difficulty.
	He's working, yeah. I mean, listen, you want to tell me that this is a panel of healthy-looking people?
	Oh, and don't forget the lessons of f***ing labor!
	Speak with the purpose of me, spirit!
	Spirit! Ebenezer YouTube awakened to find himself in a familiar place.
	Yes, it was so.
	The bed was his own.
	The curtains were his own.
	The room was his own.
	It's all still here. It's all still here.
	I don't know what to do for myself.
	I'm as giddy as a schoolboy.
	I'm a gay way. I can't...
	Merry Christmas, everyone!
	Oh, merciful heavens, I will make things right.
	I shall make amends. All three spirits of you two now live within me.
	I'll say it on my knees, O Susan Wojcicki, on my knees!
	Oh, heaven! I hope I haven't missed shit!
	You there, fine fellow! What day's today?
	To me! What day is today?
	You don't know what day it is.
	What in hell? What's that?
	It's Christmas Day, pal!
	It's Christmas Day? Well, I haven't missed it.
	The spirits did it all in one night.
	Of course they did. Of course they did.
	What a remarkable young lad.
	Young lad, do you know that iMac hanging in the applesauce window?
	You mean that bloody huge one that's as big as me?
	That's the one. An intelligent, remarkable young lad.
	Go and fridge it for me, bring it to the Cratchit house, and I'll give you a shilling!
	Ugh, piss off!
	Those things are like 3,000 quid!
	Bring it to the militia in 30 minutes, I'll give you half a crap.
	That's not even close!
	Put along now! How am I meant to do that?
	I have no money! Look at me, I'm a wee lad!
	I'm a tiny bearded boy with no money!
	Ha! A lovely lad!
	Here's your only hope! Throw me a credit card, have blind trust and hope I come back!
	That's all you got me! Ha ha!
	A bit user-ish. Right, that'll do it.
	But just to be on the total up and up, mate, I'm going to get myself something with that.
	What's that? I'm going to get, well, none of this is any of your business, but here's the deal.
	I'm going to get me a Bluetooth keypad and one of the only wee magic trackpads.
	I like them. A keyboard and magic trackpad, then.
	On your way. All right, I'm on my way.
	I'll be back in a bit!
	No idea how I'm gonna carry it!
	What a remarkable hit!
	Oh, Mr. YouTube!
	You, sir, Sangar Cratchit, will not at work today.
	But, but, but, Mr. YouTube, it's Christmas Day!
	And you see that as a fit excuse to rob me of my time?
	Yes, sir, but, I mean, no, sir, but you said I could have the day off!
	Sangar Cratchit, I won't stand for this kind of behavior any longer.
	Oh, please, sir. And therefore, Sangar Cratchit, I am prepared to raise your salary.
	Sir? Yes, sir, Soundguy.
	Raise your sack and promise to purchase you a new iMac.
	And to properly monetize all of Tony Knocker Jarrett's videos for this Christmas and everyone hereafter.
	Merry Christmas, Soundguy.
	Piss off! We have my club!
	Yeah, Mr. Ebenezer, you too.
	Piss off! And so it was said of Ebenezer YouTube that he was no longer a dick.
	Unfortunately, he had alienated all of his colleagues who built his great fortune before him.
	And they went forth and kept the original spirit of YouTube in their hearts all year round.
	And they kept it well.
	As for Ebenezer YouTube, well, it would rather seem he screwed the pooch.
	And as for tiny, not-gay Jared and his aides...
	God bless us!
	Everyone! Life is full of big surprises, some of them are shit.
	You build them up and YouTube tries to demolish it.
	Throttle all our content, demonetize it all.
	But look to all of my club and know that we'll stand strong.
	Screw them all, all who can hear, as YouTube tries to instill fear, to silence speech and try to tell us what to say, and so tell them to go to hell.
	Screw them all, and through Mug Club, we never have to give a f***.
	No, we don't need to live in fear.
	With Mug Club, we create content everywhere.
	Screw them all with wire brush Our spirits they will never crush With my club now we can stand tall No matter what they do we can say screw them all With my club now we can stand tall No matter what YouTube does, You can't say screw them all
	The end of 2017 our last show 16 hours? 16.
	16 hours. I'm not even necessarily an entire...
	I don't have all of my mental faculties.
	We'll see you January 4th, Thursday.
	That's the next show. There'll be some Change My Mind videos, some videos up on the YouTube channel, up at CRTV. Join at lottofcutter.com slash mugclub.
	If we haven't earned your mugclub subscribership here today, then there is no pleasing you.
	We will see you January 4th.

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