In this installment, Dan and Jordan are thrilled to welcome noted Raptor Princess Erica Lafferty back to the show to get into the really important issues, like whether or not penguins are secretly fish, and Erica's go-to karaoke jams.
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys, saying we are the bad guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Knowledge fight. | |
| Dan and George. | ||
| Knowledge. | ||
| Fight. | ||
| Need money. | ||
| Andy in Kansas. | ||
| Andy in Kansas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop it. | |
| Andy in Kansas. | ||
| Andy in Kansas. | ||
| It's time to pray. | ||
| Andy in Kansas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're on the air. | |
| I love you. | ||
| Hi, everybody. | ||
| Welcome back to the show. | ||
| I am here with Jordan, and we're very excited to be joined today by a special guest. | ||
| A guest who is a raptor princess has taken on that moniker and run with it, or galloped with it. | ||
| What do raptors do, Jordan? | ||
| Dinosaurs are birds, so what do birds do? | ||
| Do they hop? | ||
| Birds do not hop. | ||
| What do birds hop? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| How do chickens walk around? | ||
| They like eat. | ||
| Here's what they do. | ||
| They eagle. | ||
| All right? | ||
| That's what raptors, raptor princesses, they just eagle. | ||
| You know, that's what they do. | ||
| Counterpoint. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Penguins waddle. | ||
| What about that? | ||
| They're birds, right? | ||
| Penguins are not. | ||
| I don't think they're birds. | ||
| I think that's a thing. | ||
| I think they're fish. | ||
| Fish birds. | ||
| I think they're fish birds. | ||
| Anyway, I'm excited to see what our guest has to say about what it's called when birds walk around. | ||
| Erica Lafferty, thank you for joining us again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Google says that penguins are birds. | |
| Take that, Jordan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I literally just Googled it. | |
| To make sure they weren't fish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I was like, oh my god, I don't know this, and I should know this. | |
| I, like, really love penguins. | ||
| I feel like they would have made a bigger deal out of them being fish in March of the Penguins if they were fish. | ||
| Seeing as they walk around on ice and are out of the water. | ||
| What a bunch of weird fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Walking around. | |
| That would have been fun. | ||
| They also give birth, right? | ||
| They have live birth. | ||
| It's not like eggs. | ||
| Right, penguins? | ||
| No, what do they do? | ||
| I like fear for my Google search history right now. | ||
| You're going to get some penguin anime, manga. | ||
| It is kind of our thing to have on Erica Lafferty and be like, let's really Google penguins together. | ||
| That's our show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| There's no one I would rather do it with. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| We broke through the sort of unfamiliarity the first time we talked. | ||
| And now we can just sort of, you know, mess around and talk about penguins and what they do. | ||
| When all three of us have zero idea. | ||
| I was gonna say. | ||
| Are they fish? | ||
| Do they give birth? | ||
| Are there just eggs? | ||
| Like, do we know? | ||
| I feel like I was the only person of the three of us who was totally confident they weren't fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no, I knew they weren't fish. | |
| I'm proud of myself. | ||
| I'm proud of myself. | ||
| I knew they were not fish. | ||
| In another life, I was a successful comedian. | ||
| When somebody says something with enough confidence and sounding serious, oftentimes people just... | ||
| Believe it. | ||
| So that's what I think happened with you. | ||
| You knew it wasn't a fish, but Jordan was just so matter-of-fact about it. | ||
| Oh, it's terrible. | ||
| It's a skill. | ||
| I could just say very confidently not true things. | ||
| And it drives my wife insane. | ||
| It drives her insane because it's funny gaslighting to me. | ||
| I mean, is that not just the talent of a husband, though? | ||
|
unidentified
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No, I mean, I hope not. | |
| Is that what they do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| I think it exists outside of marriages, too, because I once told a friend of mine that the butthole is the only part of the human body that doesn't grow as you age, and he repeated it to multiple people, including on a podcast that he was recording. | ||
| And he did not realize I was not being serious. | ||
| I'm afraid from that Google search. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is not true. | |
| I will just settle that one for you. | ||
| So Erica, how are you? | ||
| How are things? | ||
| I mean, I'm good. | ||
| I'm alive, which is great. | ||
| I had made a comment the last time we spoke, like, oh, if I live to see my 38th birthday. | ||
| Which is in six days, friends! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yay! | ||
| Right? | ||
| I know. | ||
| So I think the odds are in my favor. | ||
| I feel like I got at least another six days in me. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's the kind of attitude we like to hear. | ||
| I've got at least about a week in me in the tank for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I will not do die in six days. | ||
| Well, I mean, you know. | ||
| The odds may not be in your favor, and you might die in the Hunger Games in the next six days. | ||
| Yeah, that is true. | ||
| That is available on the future. | ||
| Yeah, alright. | ||
| Can you just volunteer as tribute no matter what? | ||
| I mean, I feel like I volunteered as tribute for so many fucking things. | ||
| Well, you didn't volunteer. | ||
| I was gonna say. | ||
| That was not your choice. | ||
| I have just been the tribute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So yeah, I've seen some updates. | ||
| We haven't really spoken much since we last recorded a conversation, but I've seen some updates on the GoFundMe that you have about your condition and the cancer treatments. | ||
| And it seems like things are fairly positive most of the time. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I feel like I've had pretty consistent, not so horrible news. | ||
| I was a little disappointed after my first scan post-radioactive iodine treatment. | ||
| Pretty much all that did was make me go crazy, locked in a room by myself with no humans and no dogs. | ||
| And then as soon as it was like out of my body, the tumor just started growing at this crazy rapid pace. | ||
| They gave it the Hulk treatment. | ||
| Yeah, they were like, alright, let's change course. | ||
| And then it got so big and so close to my frontal lobe. | ||
| It's no longer considered an orbital tumor. | ||
| It's classified as a brain tumor. | ||
| And I'm less than two millimeters away from it connecting to my frontal lobe, which is fucking terrifying. | ||
| It's spread to two additional lymph nodes since I've talked to you guys. | ||
| I take back to what I said about mostly good news. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to say. | ||
| No, but here's the great thing, right? | ||
| So I'm on two different forms of daily chemo. | ||
| One of them is the one, of course, that's not covered by insurance, that I'm taking like two times the normal dose for. | ||
| So that's a fun $40,000 to $45,000 a month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The other one, however, is covered by insurance. | ||
| That's only... | ||
| $1,500 a month, and I'm also on immunotherapy, which is only $1,000 a month. | ||
| The great news about this combo that we have going is that the tumor in my, I guess, forehead at this point has shrunk just under a half an inch. | ||
| Since I started treatment in April, which is awesome. | ||
| It seems like that's a considerable size for something inside your head. | ||
| You know, like a half an inch kind of territory. | ||
| It's like, nah, that's not that big when you're talking about, like, I don't know. | ||
| If you're running. | ||
| A large thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A penguin. | |
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Inside your head. | ||
| Yeah, so my current size of the actual tumor is about an inch and a half in diameter. | ||
| So I've seen a quarter shrinkage. | ||
| But since I've been on this cocktail of medication, it's shrinking much more rapidly than it was at the beginning. | ||
| Okay, that's very good. | ||
| So that's positive, yeah. | ||
| And then even though I'm up to four lymph nodes versus the initial... | ||
| Well, one, I guess. | ||
| I think it was two when I had spoken to you guys. | ||
| Those masses are getting much smaller. | ||
| To the extent that one popped up, it was fairly big. | ||
| I was scheduled to go for a biopsy. | ||
| Then my brother died, so I had to cancel it because it was the day that my brother died. | ||
| I went for a scan that was pre-scheduled, and they were like, oh, it's actually gotten so small. | ||
| We're not even going to biopsy it. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm going to take that as good news, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's either great news or a terrible doctor. | ||
| One of the two. | ||
| I want a half day. | ||
| I'm not doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't feel like doing this biopsy today. | |
| Nah, you'll be fine, kid. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least it's not another brain tumor. | |
| Yeah, it sounds like it's pretty decent stuff in terms of manageability. | ||
| You know, outside of expense. | ||
| In terms of the reality of what you're dealing with health-wise, it sucks to say it could be way worse. | ||
| I'm also incredibly fortunate that both of my forms of chemotherapy are in pill form. | ||
| I have a Raptor on my little mini-fridge. | ||
| My chemo pills are in there. | ||
| I don't have to have a port. | ||
| I get to do all of my treatment from home. | ||
| My immunotherapy injections get mailed to my house. | ||
| I do the injections myself. | ||
| So I really only have to go to the doctor for my blood work scans. | ||
| And I haven't even had to go back for a biopsy in several months. | ||
| So I'm very, very poor. | ||
| And I have hair. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| I noticed that. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I'm not super observant, but I did notice hair. | ||
| So actually, I had a thought. | ||
| So with these expensive chemo things, have you tried GoodRx? | ||
| I'm sure they don't have chemo on there, but I have some antidepressants, and they were like $400. | ||
| I went on there, and they were $11. | ||
| There was just a coupon that took it from $400 to $11. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| GoodRx takes me from $60,000 to $65,000 down to $40,000 to $45,000. | ||
| It's ridiculous! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I... | |
| Erica, I have always enjoyed talking to you, but it's been a while and I've forgotten how much screaming I have to suppress. | ||
| Like, when we talk... | ||
| Like, I mean, it's nice. | ||
| I mean, it's almost unfortunate, you know, because normally Dan and I record, full disclosure, normally we record in the same room together, and today we're in separate rooms. | ||
| And I feel fine screaming. | ||
| At the top of my lungs in his place. | ||
| But these are my neighbors now. | ||
| I can't offend them with my fury. | ||
| I'm sure your wife's at work and the dogs aren't going to tell you to be quiet. | ||
| Oh, they're not going to stop me. | ||
| But I do have some very kind neighbors. | ||
| And yeah, it'd be unfortunate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not true. | |
| Do you hate your neighbor? | ||
| No, they just moved in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, sorry. | |
| The ones that I hate. | ||
| Oh, it's the old neighbors that you hated. | ||
| The old neighbor's gone! | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| He's gone! | ||
| My bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My bad. | |
| New ones are great. | ||
| But yeah, Jordan, I mean, you know, a lot of this stuff does make a person want to scream. | ||
| How could you not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's very difficult, along with any number of other things going on. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| How exactly are your, like, Erica, how is your interactions in the daily life going? | ||
| Like, I have such a hard time getting inside of your life experience, so I'd like to know exactly how you live now. | ||
| Okay, so today I woke up and I'm just like, oh, I feel really run down, right? | ||
| And like, that sucks, and I woke up, I started working at 6, I work 6 to 2.30. | ||
| Got the kids on the bus. | ||
| Got one off the bus. | ||
| Oh, you still have to work? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Apology. | |
| Getting off the bus in about 10 minutes. | ||
| And for the most part, my days are like today. | ||
| But Saturday, I needed help standing up out of bed and was using a walker around my house. | ||
| There are days that I wake up and the tumors shifted back just a little bit. | ||
| And I have a super hard time. | ||
| With mobility. | ||
| I have a really difficult time with word recall. | ||
| Frequently. | ||
| Even on the better days. | ||
| I'm like, what's the word? | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| And it's like, oh, well, that's a fucking computer. | ||
| Like, just random things that I just can't. | ||
| Is a penguin a fish? | ||
| Alright, I'm not. | ||
| I feel like it would be really unfair to the cancer community to blame that on the cancer and not my sheer stupidity. | ||
| See, this is taking responsibility in the face of not absolutely need. | ||
| You don't need to. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| Anybody else would let you off the hook. | ||
| It's not the brain cancer. | ||
| I'm just dumb. | ||
| This is the mark of nobility. | ||
| Speaking of the mark of nobility. | ||
| Instead of a walker, may I recommend a cane? | ||
| Because then you can have all kinds of affectations with it, and you could hide a sword in there. | ||
| You need a sword. | ||
| You need a sword, cane. | ||
| I do. | ||
| With a raptor handle? | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And if you're feeling better, you can twirl it around, and it can be just like... | ||
| It could be fire breathing. | ||
| It could be fire breathing. | ||
| It could be a lighter. | ||
| Yeah, you could flick it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Erica, I need you to understand, we are attempting to slowly turn you into a supervillain. | ||
| That is what's going to happen. | ||
| And now that we've spoken this into the universe, some listener is going to make this. | ||
| Have you ever considered a lizard skin jacket to go along with this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would love it. | |
| Have you considered an underground compound, like maybe dug out of a cave? | ||
| So actually... | ||
| I used to live about a mile from my sister and I don't even remember why, if it was like a snow thing or the fact that we're just both agoraphobes or if we were planning for the apocalypse or something. | ||
| But we had at one point talked about digging an underground tunnel to get from her house to mine. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Maybe it was a combination of all of those things. | ||
| Anyway, I regret not doing that. | ||
| Yeah, I regret not doing that. | ||
| I think you probably made the right call. | ||
| The city gets mad when you try and dig underground tunnels. | ||
| I mean, what would that call before you dig ticket look like, right? | ||
| It would be prohibitive. | ||
| I mean, isn't the whole idea of digging, though, that you kind of think you're going to get away with it? | ||
| You know, you're underground. | ||
| Where are they looking? | ||
| You struck oil. | ||
| Now, granted, it was in a pipe that was going somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that's what I would do. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Easy to mistake that for oil, though, I would assume. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Way to go, Dan. | ||
| Way to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, well. | |
| I've ruined the vibe. | ||
| So yeah, but continue, you know? | ||
| How's your... | ||
| I mean, are you quarantined still? | ||
| Are you still being... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I mean, it was really just that first week and a half, but I'm not doing the radioactive iodine anymore. | ||
| I'm actually not doing radiation at all, which I guess is good. | ||
| I mean, I like the not being locked in a room part, although I do kind of want to lock myself in a room sometimes. | ||
| You don't need iodine to do it. | ||
| You can make a choice. | ||
| I'm just going to buy a deadbolt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, I'll give you a I'm dumb moment. | |
| I didn't know that there was non-radioactive chemotherapy. | ||
| Because I've not had a lot of exposure to it, I didn't know. | ||
| I just assumed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He hasn't had a lot of exposure to radiation. | |
| So, with the radioactive iodine treatment, like, basically I took, like, three pills and it just, like, anything I touched would become radioactive. | ||
| With traditional, like, targeted radiation, it's, like, not great to be around babies or immunocompromised people, but, like, it's not as much of a risk. | ||
| But you don't have to be isolated after it. | ||
| My chemo pills are also radioactive, but it's not spewing from my pores. | ||
| So I have this separate tiny little refrigerator with my little raptor on it that's specifically for my meds because I don't want to put it in my normal fridge with the vegetables that the kids eat. | ||
| So it's smaller precautions, but not super dangerous to the people around me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sounds better. | ||
| Radiation is always interesting to me because I feel like it has almost the reverse cultural impact of quicksand or something. | ||
| In the culture, when I was growing up, quicksand, the most terrifying thing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I swear to God, I was just talking to my husband about this. | |
| Radiation turns you into a superhero, right? | ||
| These two things happen. | ||
| In real life, quicksand, not really that much of an issue. | ||
| Radiation... | ||
| Huge problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Real issue. | |
| Quicksand is not a non-issue. | ||
| It's just you're not going to run into it. | ||
| Why did they make us so fucking scared of it? | ||
| Because it's kind of cool as an idea. | ||
| I mean, there's a way to die. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one warned me about the random sinkholes. | |
| That's true. | ||
| There's nothing glamorous or exotic about a sinkhole. | ||
| That can happen just in your backyard or somewhere. | ||
| Quicksand, it's part of an adventurer's story. | ||
| Indiana Jones finds quicksand. | ||
| There's artificial time limits involved. | ||
| It's slowly descending spikes. | ||
| You know, it's that kind of idea. | ||
| I just remember always having this fucking deathly fear of quicksand. | ||
| And, like, I've never encountered it. | ||
| I'm almost 38, man. | ||
| Where's the quicksand? | ||
| I have often been concerned as to whether or not quicksand is a fish. | ||
| That's always been an issue for me. | ||
| It's full of fish. | ||
| They learn to breathe in the quicksand. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| I don't want to ruin the vibe again, but I can't not mention this. | ||
| There is a very large quicksand fetishist community. | ||
| I know this because a lady that I met at a party was regaling me with her exploration of it. | ||
| There's a bunch of people who have quicksand videos. | ||
| What kind of fucking parties do you go to? | ||
| This was years ago, but not good ones. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| I make no bones about it. | ||
| I would go where people would allow me to be. | ||
| And that was not the... | ||
| It wasn't high society, I'll say that. | ||
| But yeah, it's just like the tension of it, I guess. | ||
| You know, like you're slowly sinking. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Anyway, I ruined the vibe again. | ||
| No, I'm like pondering, like it wouldn't be the worst way to die. | ||
| Wait, is that the fetish? | ||
| Or are we... | ||
| See, this is the concern I have about the fetish community that you've just described. | ||
| You've just said quicksand fetish, which could mean so many fucking different things. | ||
| I think it's like the... | ||
| I don't think it involves people dying in quicksand. | ||
| I think it's like the struggle of it. | ||
| Is it like dipping stuff into your quicksand? | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| Is it like a jacuzzi kind of scenario? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's my understanding that it's the... | ||
| Like, people being in quicksand and trying to get out, I think. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, it's like the people who have the eating fetish, where they're like, oh, I don't want to be eaten. | ||
| You're talking vore? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I thought people were just fucking quicksand. | ||
| Once again, I feel like we all don't know enough about this subject to really get to the bottom of it, and we should not Google it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| My search history is going to be like, are penguin ferns? | ||
| Do buttholes grow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you fuck quicksand? | |
| Do buttholes grow is almost a poetic Judy Blume novel. | ||
| And it's less can you fuck quicksand and it's should you. | ||
| Should you? | ||
| Who does? | ||
| May I. I mean, when I was growing up, we had American Pie and that could easily be quicksand in a heartbeat. | ||
| You know, you just move the pie tin, really. | ||
| So I feel like we're still off track of your day. | ||
| I feel like we're still on that. | ||
| Yeah so well I mean yeah so there's like the days like today where I'm like kind of feeling like a normal human and can get through a full day of work and do the kids go to the soccer practice and all of the things and then there are the days that like I'm just completely bedridden barely know my own fucking name or if I no no I just don't know it like I'm like I don't know it's Whatever. | ||
| And there's nothing. | ||
| There's no function. | ||
| There's no words. | ||
| But I've been really, really, really lucky for the most part. | ||
| I probably have only taken a combined week off of work that was specifically sickness-related. | ||
| I did get an accommodation to my schedule. | ||
| So instead of the 9 to 6, I'm working at 6 to 2.30 because... | ||
| By 3 o 'clock, 3.30, I'm dragging ass. | ||
| And I'm just, I'm fucking tired. | ||
| And sleep has been a really big problem. | ||
| I just, like, can't get comfortable. | ||
| I'm achy. | ||
| I'm waking up to projectile vomit all over the place. | ||
| I get, like, random, like, burns. | ||
| So I have, like, in between, like, these two fingers, there's, like, just, like, a little scar. | ||
| And I have what my husband has started calling my tomato toes because my toes are always just bright red and have like, I mean, at this point it almost looks like scar burns on the knuckles of my toes. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Yeah, super weird. | ||
| But apparently it's like, I asked my oncologist and he's like, oh yeah, that's a cancer show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, what the fuck is a cancer? | |
| I was hoping when you said you have random burns, it was just that you sporadically insulted people. | ||
| Well, I mean, I feel like that's just a personality trait of mine. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| With the burns on your toes, is it like... | ||
| Do you know how there's like a rub kind of burn? | ||
| And then there's like a heat kind of burn? | ||
| Think like the twisty burn, right? | ||
| Like on the arms, like that was the thing back in the day. | ||
| And it looks like that. | ||
| And then it like hurts. | ||
| And there's like one brand of an oncology cream. | ||
| Just the one brand that makes it not feel like my toes are on fire. | ||
| And it will last for like three days that I need like the constant oncology cream. | ||
| And then it just turns into, like, scarring until it comes back again in a week. | ||
| And it's just on my, I don't know, is it called a pointer toe? | ||
| Like, what are toes called? | ||
| Yeah, it's a pointer toe. | ||
| It is now. | ||
| We've all had human bodies for, like, so long, and yet it still is a fun pastime to just be like, what happens to this shit? | ||
| What is going on? | ||
| I'm going to fly the middle toe at you. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| How is this possible? | ||
| And my pointer toe, knuckles, and where the toe meets the foot. | ||
| And it's on those four creases that I get my tomato toe. | ||
| And then a little spot on my right foot. | ||
| And then also in between. | ||
| My pointer and ring finger on my right hand happens, like, here. | ||
| And then I get, like, splotches on the top of my hand. | ||
| And it's only on my right hand and my right foot. | ||
| Sounds fun. | ||
| That makes perfect sense to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it definitely tracks. | ||
| So that's fun. | ||
| You got right hand, right foot burn disease reactions. | ||
| I feel like it's because I'm a fucked up left-handed person. | ||
| That could be. | ||
| Punishment. | ||
| It's good to know that there are all these weird side things that you don't know about. | ||
| Unless you're experiencing this or someone you know is experiencing it. | ||
| All the fun little added sort of kicks in the pants. | ||
| Water? | ||
| Water is not the same. | ||
| I can only drink... | ||
| Water is not the same. | ||
| That is quite a declaration. | ||
| Big statement. | ||
| We have this like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just, like, spring water. | ||
| This, like, flowing spring that, like, I'll go there and there's, like, a line of, like, four cars to, like, fill jugs from this spring by my house. | ||
| Please let it be sparkling now for you. | ||
| Like, just, I'm hoping that it's, like, strawberry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't drink it. | |
| It tastes like I've never eaten a worm, but I feel like it's what a worm would taste like. | ||
| I can't drink Poland Springs. | ||
| I can't drink Fiji. | ||
| I can't drink Boph. | ||
| I can't drink Dasani. | ||
| But the Aldi brand water, only if it comes from the gallon jug, tastes normal. | ||
| We're doing a lot of plugs for Aldi lately. | ||
| I've just started talking about my love of Aldi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've seen a lot of Aldi positivity lately. | |
| It's a surprise. | ||
| Cancer water. | ||
| Considering the amount of Aldi hate that I recall from 10, 15 years ago. | ||
| It's a remarkable turnaround. | ||
| It's my jam. | ||
| It's the only water I can drink. | ||
| Everything else just tastes either too minerally or like worms or like dirt. | ||
| Was that one of the side effects on the pill bottles? | ||
| From now on, only all the water will taste normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every other water will taste like weird old stuff. | |
| Quadruple check, but I feel like it's not there. | ||
| And then if it is not, I will write to the manufacturer. | ||
| Now here's where things get messy. | ||
| Because that's the thing I should be mad at them for. | ||
| You are like 90% water. | ||
| And almost everything that you eat or other drinks are mostly water. | ||
| Does it affect other things too, or is it just water? | ||
| No, it's not just water. | ||
| I've always not been a fan of soda. | ||
| Like, I would drink the occasional ginger ale. | ||
| Now, from the time I wake up at 5.30 in the morning until the time I go to bed, Diet Coke. | ||
| Like, watered down, non, like... | ||
| Watered down! | ||
| Watered down, yeah, like... | ||
| Yes, the ice made with the Aldi water melted down in the Diet Coke. | ||
| And I, like, leave it out so it's, like, not super carbonated and that I can drink. | ||
| But everything else is just, like, metallic-y or it's weird. | ||
| Coffee, hot coffee, tastes like pumpkins. | ||
| Doesn't that speak to the arbitrary nature of the brain, right? | ||
| Like, if you have a brain tumor, it's putting pressure on different spots than what is normal. | ||
| And so it's just like poking. | ||
| It's bananas how it works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's all open our own heads and poke things until... | |
| Yeah, see? | ||
| I bet Aldi is working on a tumor specifically for that water. | ||
| Have you considered that this is all Aldi's fault? | ||
| Those motherfuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is what they were actually working on at the Wuhan lab. | |
| This is from eating the Aldi food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| No, I love Aldi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I love this. | ||
| I have this sauce that I get at Aldi, the Rojo sauce, still sitting right next to my computer because I use it all the time. | ||
| I just love it, man. | ||
| I just love it. | ||
| Love me some Aldi. | ||
| We are not sponsored. | ||
| What is happening right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Hello! | ||
| Okay, Brooklyn. | ||
| Oh, I have a kid getting home. | ||
| That's the situation here. | ||
| I see. | ||
| So could you give us a little bit of an update on where you are with the case and all of that information? | ||
| Or just more dogs? | ||
| More dogs are fine. | ||
| Oh my god, they're insane. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, it is to the point, I think the last time we talked, you were like, oh, what's going on with the bankruptcy? | ||
| And how are the families kept up to date? | ||
| And I was like, oh, if there's something big, they'll be like, oh, families, can you meet at this time? | ||
| We have a standing weekly meeting at this point. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Frequently, it's pulled down because Jones pulls some shit and then poor Eleanor and the rest of the team are dragged into all of this other bullshit. | ||
| I've only been able to join a couple of times because, again, work, kids, brain tumor. | ||
| My God, crazy dogs. | ||
| But, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| The updates are there. | ||
| My legal team is fucking phenomenal. | ||
| I cannot say that enough. | ||
| I'm going to be... | ||
| Oh my God, with dogs, I can't. | ||
| The last thing that I saw was... | ||
| That Jones, it was actually one of the wonks sent it to me, that he requested a 15% pay increase. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| He's going through tough times. | ||
| You can only go to Hawaii for vacation like two or three times a quarter. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'm like this motherfucker. | ||
| Bro, you owe me $111 million and I'm crowdfunding because I don't have enough money to pay for my chemo this year. | ||
| This is not future treatment this year. | ||
| And you need more money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That 11% or whatever, 15% or whatever, you skim that off of whatever he's getting paid, and it probably goes a long way towards taking care of some of your expenses. | ||
| You know, I wonder I wonder if like these people at the bankruptcy court are, you know, like, what does it feel like to receive this information without emotion? | ||
| You know, like, what is it like to be one of those psychos? | ||
| Because that's unacceptable shit, you know, like just simply for you to say that to out loud, let You have to be an insane person to read it and be like, let's consider this As to whether or not this is okay in bankruptcy case law, right? | ||
| And then it gets pitched to this committee of plaintiffs who have been tortured and traumatized at his hand. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they have to... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I mean, if this committee of plaintiffs can't find it in your heart to fund his fifth vacation to Hawaii this quarter, then you're just taking this too personally. | ||
| This is a work vacation. | ||
| He needs to go try and infiltrate Mark Zuckerberg's underground compound. | ||
| Alright, now you have me thinking. | ||
| I really need to do some self-reflection. | ||
| The trauma that I am causing to Alex Jones. | ||
| I mean, what I find so interesting about this is that I really don't give it. | ||
| Like, this is one of those situations where I really don't blame Alex at all. | ||
| Fuck yeah, of course. | ||
| Ask for more money. | ||
| Who fucking cares? | ||
| He's a con artist. | ||
| He's going to scam. | ||
| I imagine that anybody is at all allowed to at all of this. | ||
| For me, Alex is the only person here who I am not mad at in this story. | ||
| I mean, you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
obviously. | |
| It's all Erica's fault. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| It's like, ah! | ||
| No, but to me, this is a complete fuck-up for every lawyer, and they should all be really disgusted with themselves for existing, you know? | ||
| Like, just to hear this story, you should say to yourself, oh, if only there was something a human could do. | ||
| And then you should be like, the last time humans said that was, you know, like, let's put people in ovens. | ||
| So it's like fucking insane to me that this is okay! | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Look at the population of human we're talking about. | ||
| Jones. | ||
| Fucking pattest. | ||
| Wait, Norm's still in the mix? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Bankruptcy lawyers are psychopaths. | ||
| Norm's doing something, though. | ||
| He's like Littlefinger, just hanging around somewhere whispering advice. | ||
| God, he's so creepy. | ||
| I think he's more like the hanger-on in a... | ||
| Children's group story? | ||
| Stand by me? | ||
| I feel like I should do some advertising for Norm Pattis. | ||
| He should hire me. | ||
| Don't even pay me money. | ||
| Just pay for my treatment and I'll be your advertiser. | ||
| I am a defense lawyer. | ||
| If you want to lose $1.5 billion, hire me. | ||
| If you want to go to jail for 18 years, hire me. | ||
| And I'll just, like, be there just speaking to what I know about Norm Pattis, which, to be fair, I've only known him for, like, a year. | ||
| It's been a big year. | ||
| I've got some good material. | ||
| I've got some good material. | ||
| He's been crushing it this year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Like, I mean, if there was a year. | ||
| Like, he lost some motherfucker $1.5 billion and then got some dude sentenced to 18 years. | ||
| Great job, Norm. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You want a great defense hire, Norm Pattis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crushing it. | ||
| It strangles me out. | ||
| Considering the amount of, like, statistics that people keep track of, I really feel like somebody has to be able to measure Norm's year against the all-time. | ||
| Like, you know, like baseball stats. | ||
| Elzo's replacement? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely! | ||
| How much worse than an actual lawyer is he? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I feel like that ponytail is going to do a lot of numbers for him. | ||
| Elzo's replacement is LARPings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, hold on, hold on. | |
| In this past year... | ||
| I've gone through the Alex Jones trial, right? | ||
| Survived the 10-year anniversary of my mom's murder, got diagnosed with a fucking brain tumor, and my baby brother died. | ||
| And I still think Norm Pattis had a worse year than me. | ||
| Oh, damn! | ||
| That's a grim picture. | ||
| I feel like I have to start a war based on those sentences. | ||
| Let me justify why that might be true. | ||
| You still have a great amount of decency and humor about yourself and ability to cope with this positively. | ||
| Norm is very clearly in denial about how bad his ear is. | ||
| He's living in an illusion where he did everything right and he did a good job and outside forces were what screwed him over. | ||
| And you didn't say the N-word at an open mic, so you've got that going for you for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or dropped my pants. | |
| True. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both of those things are true. | |
| It's a good bit, though. | ||
| I mean, like, it's a good set. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| He should be booked at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| I, you know, of all the, like, when I stop and think about it, you know, through all our years of, like, open mic stand-up in the Chicago scene, I have seen a lot of people with day jobs try stand-up comedy. | ||
| I have never met anyone sadder. | ||
| than Norm Pattis. | ||
| And I have met some truly sad people. | ||
| I've met a few. | ||
| I don't want to talk about specifics. | ||
| I was going to say, I feel like I know the names that we're bandying about silently in our head. | ||
| Oh, yeah, we do. | ||
| Sing of the diamonds. | ||
| I did have one time, though, a guy did pull down his pants, but it was an audience member while I was on stage. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I've seen three... | ||
| Pants pulled down. | ||
| The first night I met... | ||
| Actually, I won't tell that story. | ||
| Good call. | ||
| I had a situation where a guy was calling me the F-slur for no reason while I was on stage. | ||
| And then he was like, hey, do you want to see my dick? | ||
| And I was just like, yes, please. | ||
| Everybody here wants to see your dick. | ||
| And very clearly, not serious. | ||
| And then he pulled it out and started doing the helicopter move with it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Started walking towards the stage, and I'm like, this is going to get real good. | ||
| And then security took him, and he had to leave. | ||
| But, you know, I wanted to see what his closer was going to be. | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Where does he go from there? | ||
| Like, what is the end to that? | ||
| Probably punching me. | ||
| I mean, I assume. | ||
| With what, though? | ||
| Well, good point. | ||
| Yeah, there's that. | ||
| Norm didn't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| One point, Norm Pattis. | ||
| It probably is really helpful for you, you know, in this really difficult time in your life to be able to have someone like him, though, to look at as, like, a boo. | ||
| At least I'm not that guy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At least I'm not that schlubil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not that schlubil. | |
| Alright. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| So, one thing that I think is really cool that I want to give a little bit of a plug to, or talk to you about a little bit, about your feelings about, because I'm really excited about it, is, I mentioned this before we started recording, but there's going to be a beer in your honor that's going to be created. | ||
| That's what we were about to, yeah! | ||
| I'm so excited! | ||
| There is a Raptor Princess IPA that is going to be released from a small brewery that is going to have proceeds going to your treatment fund and what have you. | ||
| But yeah, how do you feel about this? | ||
| This is exciting, right? | ||
| No one's ever made a beer for me. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Okay, first of all, it's the coolest fucking thing in the entire world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I... | |
| Okay, so I have had... | ||
| I still don't know how to say this. | ||
| Three brothers, right? | ||
| Well, I just held up the number four, but let's pretend that didn't happen. | ||
| So, I have three younger brothers. | ||
| My baby brother died in August, and literally in his obituary, I wrote, like, you know, talking about the things that he loved to do. | ||
| It was like, you know, Brian loved trying. | ||
| New IPAs with his brother-in-law and best friend Steve because my husband introduced him to good beer and not bitch beer, which my other two brothers drink. | ||
| So we got the baby drinking IPAs with us. | ||
| The day after Brian dies, I get the mock-up for the artwork of the Raptor Princess beer. | ||
| And I was like, this is fucking amazing. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| Brian would have loved it. | ||
| What I didn't know, though, when they approached me with this idea is that I was going to have... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some input on the taste of said beer. | |
| You did? | ||
| I didn't know this either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a big reveal. | |
| What are you getting? | ||
| Nailed packets of booze? | ||
| Can you make it taste like worm water? | ||
| This is what worm water tastes like. | ||
| Have a taste of cancer. | ||
| This tastes pretty good. | ||
| I'm going to send you a jug of Aldi water and see if you can recreate that kind of vibe. | ||
| Just duplicate this Aldi water, but get me drunk. | ||
| That's something that I hope to say someday. | ||
| But on the real tip, what did you go with? | ||
| What were your thoughts on that? | ||
| So I have, there's a very small brewery in Connecticut that has this beer that's called Fuzzy Baby Duck. | ||
| And it's like very like citrusy and it goes down smoothly, but gives you like a real, real hoppy kick. | ||
| And then I don't know, I know Dave's had it, but there's another one, a double IPA that's a sip of sunshine. | ||
| I don't know if you've had that. | ||
| So anyway, he was like, oh my god, I actually just had that. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, it's really big on the East Coast. | ||
| And I was like, if you could mush those two things together. | ||
| So we were talking about all the different notes and all of that. | ||
| And he was like, all right. | ||
| All right, yeah, I'm going to roll with this. | ||
| And I was like, holy shit, I had no idea that I was going to be able to have any kind of play. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, what? | |
| My name is on the can! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| That is so much fun. | ||
| I mean, it's New Spring Beer is the company, right? | ||
| Yeah, New Spring Brewing Company, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and Dave is the person who's spearheading. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so awesome. | ||
| I mean, beyond just the name on the can, but being able to create input for the flavors, that's just so fun. | ||
| It's like something that in my wildest dreams, I never... | ||
| I have always loved IPAs. | ||
| People have always thought I'm crazy because, like, you know, I'm, like, 20, 21, and all my friends are like, eh, I don't like beer. | ||
| Like, they won't even drink a fucking Bud Light. | ||
| And I'm like, let me try the IPAs, right? | ||
| And it's, like, before they got super popular. | ||
| You're an IPA hipster. | ||
| You're 2021, so you're early 2000s-ing, right? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And you've got friends, they're all about, if I recall... | ||
| This was when Zima is at its peak. | ||
| It was the Zima. | ||
| People were icing each other. | ||
| They were doing the Smirnoff laces. | ||
| We got the Smirnoff laces all over the place. | ||
| And if they did drink a beer, it's like, oh, give me a Corona with lime. | ||
| Because we always drank at this place called Senior Ponchos. | ||
| It was our go-to. | ||
| They had karaoke every Wednesday. | ||
| And I'd be like, a Corona with lime? | ||
| I would literally bring my own beer. | ||
| Every child needs to grow up with the Senior Ponchos. | ||
| This brings me to a very important question, and that is, what is your karaoke go-to? | ||
| Or what was back then? | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| You just made a face that looks like you're embarrassed. | ||
| So Avril Lavigne? | ||
| Sure, nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Had that song. | ||
| Complicated? | ||
| Was it just Girlfriend? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like a girlfriend. | |
| Yes, that one. | ||
| I think you need a new one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was yours? | ||
| There was a lot of that, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there was this thing with, like, my best friend and her boyfriend who may or may not have had a fiancé. | ||
| So, like, that was kind of our go-to time. | ||
| At the time or now? | ||
| No, now they've been, I was their maid of honor in 2008, and they are happily married with four kids. | ||
| Just saying. | ||
| But at the time, there was a full question of whether or not it could have gone either way. | ||
| There was somebody that would have made her dad very unhappy available. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| That was our go-to song. | ||
| Was it the normal one or was it the version with Lil Mama? | ||
| The rapper Lil Mama. | ||
| It was the normal one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was the normal one. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember that music video for that song? | ||
| I feel like that was where she got a lot of heat for co-opting Japanese culture in an insensitive way. | ||
| I feel like she really got taken to task for that. | ||
| Avril. | ||
| She might have been married to Chad Kroger of Nickelback at the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nickelback. | |
| Every fucking... | ||
| We're living in a world now where every fucking thing I hear sounds like Mad Libs. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| Half of the reason that I bring these things up is to drive you insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It feels like I'm crazy. | |
| It really does. | ||
| Because I don't have an awareness of these things and then they just pop up. | ||
| And people are expecting me to be okay with it. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| No. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| So you'd go with Avril Lavigne. | ||
| Yeah, so Avril Lavigne, definitely go to Christina Aguilera Dirty. | ||
| My jam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was great. | |
| And we would always... | ||
| We were all off on Wednesdays, and Wednesday was karaoke night. | ||
| So we would wait until the mall opened and go to the mall, and we would buy our Wednesday night outfit. | ||
| And it was always like matching and it was like, you know, like the the land of like or the time era of like the quote shirts. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No fear. | ||
| No fear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So like I had one that was like get in line and it had like a dude with flowers, a dude with chocolate and then like a dude with a ring. | ||
| And it just said like get in line or, you know, just like random. | ||
| We had one. | ||
| I could be your alibi. | ||
| We had alibi shirts. | ||
| We straight up had one that said, like, we don't like you. | ||
| Deal with it. | ||
| Those confrontational-ass shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, yeah, that was fun. | ||
| But we would go to the mall, we'd pick out our Wednesday outfits, we would eat Chinese food at the mall, and then start drinking at, like, 4 o 'clock. | ||
| This is very similar to a lot of my routines, except for the buying new clothes. | ||
| The drinking early and then going to karaoke was a hallmark. | ||
| How I got up and went to work on Thursday, beyond me, but I did it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Thursday being the day off is so much easier, you know, if karaoke night is Wednesday night. | ||
| But you couldn't buy the outfit and eat the Chinese food if you were working. | ||
| So we needed the Wednesday off to prep the outfit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| I mean, it was the whole thing. | ||
| Wait, so that's 52 outfits a year? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a lot of outfits. | ||
| There's a lot of shirts that say a lot of confrontational things. | ||
| Do you sell them afterwards? | ||
| No, I think they're probably still living in Melissa's mom's basement. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, like, we, like, the thing with me and these two friends, like, it was so intense that, like, my mom started calling us the Lems because she was sick of saying Lindsay, Erica, and Melissa. | ||
| So we were just the Lems. | ||
| So here's what you do. | ||
| We would walk into the bar and it would be, like, reserved for Lems. | ||
| I have Lems tattooed on my foot. | ||
| You needed to find an Olga and a Natasha so you could be the Lemons. | ||
| Lemons. | ||
| No, so there were, like, there were some, like, grip-ons, like, every once in a while, like, we would find, like, a Stephanie, and she'd be like, oh, no, your actual, like, lens, or there was a Y. Yeah, fuck you, Stephanie! | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| No, no, you're not an OG lem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| But then, like, we had, like, names for them, like, Stephanie couldn't just be Stephanie, it was like, oh, the one with the teeth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, we got mean about it. | ||
| That's worse than, I would prefer you scream at my face, fuck off, and call me the one with the teeth. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was an asshole. | ||
| I'm proud to say I have reformed and I have a nice soccer mom now. | ||
| It's okay to have a little bit of asshole past, you know? | ||
| People learn lessons. | ||
| That's what I've learned from watching so much of the Real World Road Rules Challenge in the past couple months. | ||
| I mean, I feel like I didn't do that. | ||
| We have not gone one hour without talking about the Real World World Rules Challenge for the past couple of months! | ||
| It's just so easy to not watch. | ||
| My brother works for MTV. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Oh. | ||
| One of the Lems. | ||
| Let's Lem this, huh? | ||
| There's a relative who works at MTV. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I tried to get a cameo from CT from the Real World Road Rules Challenge for Jordan, and he declined. | ||
| So, that's where I'm at. | ||
| CT. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I tried to pay him to send Jordan a message. | ||
| No, thank you. | ||
| It was personal, though. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| He really doesn't like me. | ||
| Yeah, the Beantown Prince, not a fan of Jordan, apparently. | ||
| He's a big podcast guy, and he just thinks I'm loud and annoying, which, good on him. | ||
| I think it was because I wanted him to call you a loser little titty baby, and I think he just thought, like, maybe this is something I shouldn't say. | ||
| Yeah, maybe this is a weird sex thing. | ||
| Yeah, or something like that. | ||
| Or maybe this is offensive and I don't realize it. | ||
| I don't want to... | ||
| TT's like, I don't want to get cancelled. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I was just going to say, he's going to get canceled for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's assaulted physically and sexually multiple people on MTV, and he's worried about a cameo. | ||
| That was in the past! | ||
| It's true. | ||
| What recordings of it? | ||
| What was it, on TV? | ||
| It's just on Paramount+. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Well, yeah, it is everywhere. | ||
| So you were an IPA person from way back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this leads me to the question, did you steer towards the IPA for this Raptor Princess beer, or was that already just sort of like, you know, that was already on the table? | ||
| It was already just a thing, and I was just like, whoa. | ||
| So it never could have been a sour? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I would have been like, take my name off that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm just kidding. | |
| If you put... | ||
| My name. | ||
| Honest out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am going to come and I am going to find you and you are going to be in trouble. | |
| I will come for you like I came for John. | ||
| You are going to be in trouble. | ||
| I'm going to Norm Pattis your life. | ||
|
unidentified
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When I'm done with you, you're going to be wishing you were Norm Pattis. | |
| Good insults here. | ||
| If there's anything that really outlasts us. | ||
| Making fun of Norm Pattis should be it. | ||
| That's what it should be. | ||
| I mean, he just makes it too fucking easy. | ||
| He really does. | ||
|
unidentified
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He could have just not existed in all of our lives. | |
| We would never have known. | ||
| We would never have known that this weird clown exists. | ||
| And it's so funny that he's the only person in Alex's orbit who has actually said our name and talked about us. | ||
| Yes, it is funny. | ||
| He talked about us on his podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He has a podcast? | |
| Yeah, it's called like Justice and Justification or something like that. | ||
| It's Law and Norma. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not good at this. | ||
| Law and Legitimacy is the name of his podcast. | ||
| And I only know that because he talked about us. | ||
| I wouldn't recommend the podcast itself. | ||
| Oh, I'm not fucking listening to it, but I got people who will like skin for me and give me highlights. | ||
| Oh yeah, he might have talked about you even. | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| Yeah, that's possible. | ||
| Because after the case, he might have had some fun words. | ||
| He whines. | ||
| He's a whiner. | ||
| He whines quite a bit. | ||
| He's known for whining. | ||
| He whines in his cross-examination, he was whining. | ||
| He tried to say the name of the organization I worked for. | ||
| I was like, did you mean? | ||
| You can't even get simple facts straight, dude. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| To be fair, he had a lot of stuff he had to pretend not to know. | ||
| That takes up a lot of ways. | ||
| But if you're coming for me about my job, get the fucking name right. | ||
| Or don't come for me because I'm going to shut you down and make you look more stupid than your ponytail. | ||
| And that is a high bar. | ||
| So steering back to the bankruptcy stuff, the picture that you get from watching Alex's show is that everything is going great for him. | ||
| It's just a matter of getting a few details sorted out and then his life is going to be back to normal and wonderful. | ||
| But then, if you're watching the show itself, not just listening to his words, you get the sense that there's trouble. | ||
| And I wonder what your perspective is as someone who is watching. | ||
| This may be a little bit closer, a little bit more. | ||
| Let me give you an idea. | ||
| Like, if we were doing cross-referencing dates for an alibi, you know, like, when you get news... | ||
| Is he calling for the death of all humanity on that day? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that kind of situation. | ||
| I put extreme effort into not listening to a fucking word he says. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| I don't go to the website. | ||
| I don't listen to a show. | ||
| I don't watch a show. | ||
| And any highlights I get come from the wonks who are like, yo, listen to this shit. | ||
| Or from the lawyers who are like, yo, listen to this shit. | ||
| Same words, slightly different meaning. | ||
| so like I I just get like the highlights um what I know from what is has been reported back to me from what's been on said on the show is like oh yeah Like, there's this little bankruptcy hiccup, and these people think I owe them money, but they're not getting anything because there's nothing to give. | ||
| But then he's whining to the fucking courts that he needs a raise because he can't live on, I don't know, whatever it is, $750,000 a year or some shit like that. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, cool, man. | ||
| He does not talk about that on the show, for sure. | ||
| The raise is not something that, like, because obviously that ruins the image that he's trying to cultivate in the audience's mind of him being, like, a... | ||
| Modest, work-a-day kind of guy who's just trying to give up, just like you and me, just the, you know, just the Joe Lunchbox. | ||
| Can you, let me throw this out, can you negotiate? | ||
| Alright, so you'll give him a 10% raise, but he has to pay you 10% of that. | ||
| And give me his desk. | ||
| Like, is there room to be like, hey, here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna make a deal now. | ||
| I mean, I don't even know. | ||
| I know that there's the process that the bankruptcy has to go through, and there's mediation, but to what end? | ||
| Where is it going? | ||
| Because he's just like, I have nothing, I have nothing, I have nothing, and they're like, you owe $1.5 billion, and there's not a middle point. | ||
| So I feel like everyone is just being forced to waste their time because Alex is an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't that kind of the whole thing? | ||
| Like, that's the table of the table. | ||
| That's where we are, yeah. | ||
| Of the entire trial. | ||
| It's literally what got us here, like... | ||
| So, but, I mean, if Alex can make these, like, can I have a 10% raise kinds of things... | ||
| I don't understand why you can't make your own, like, okay, then you give me shit. | ||
| You give me your house. | ||
| Yeah, you give me your house. | ||
| That's my suggestion. | ||
| That you think is worth $9 million. | ||
| Totally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't understand how that's not available if you could ask for a raise. | ||
| If he can ask for a raise, you get to ask for his fucking feet. | ||
| I don't understand why. | ||
| No tomato toes there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Maybe he doesn't have tomato toes, exactly. | |
| I would rather tomato toes than Alex Jones toes, though. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| Any day. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| That toe might end up committing crimes. | ||
| Like some kind of horror movie. | ||
| I mean, I have a sister with nine toes. | ||
| She's living fine. | ||
| Here's what I would demand. | ||
| The desk for me. | ||
| And then Norm's ponytail. | ||
| Because these are things that you can't get anywhere else. | ||
| These are, like, one of a kind. | ||
| Get Norm's ponytail, give it to Locke's for hate. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want Norm's ponytail. | ||
| I want to watch him cut it off. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's it. | |
| I need to get that desk, and I'm in a blood feud with Bill Ogden from the Texas case, because he has a claim on that desk. | ||
| And so I need to find another way to get it. | ||
| What he doesn't know is that I am always right behind him on all fours. | ||
| So in any kind of situation, Dan can just push him and he will fall over. | ||
| You know, I did that to somebody once. | ||
| Did you also tie their fucking shoelaces together? | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| No, it was yet another one of these weird parties that I was at. | ||
| It was at a house party, and the host of the party was this guy who was kind of like a target of a bit of bullying from me and some of my friends, which I regret in hindsight. | ||
| But, you know, it was just kind of, he was a little bit of a nerdy kind of, he was nice, and I don't know, I regret it. | ||
| We made up after this, and, you know, we've made peace and everything, it's fine. | ||
| But somebody, I had somebody done that. | ||
| That Hallmark movie that we just went through. | ||
| I have to clarify, because I come out of this looking pretty bad. | ||
| I mean, I just own to someone calling someone see. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, we've all had our moments. | |
| We're all bad. | ||
| But I had someone duck behind him, and then I pushed him over. | ||
| And, you know, you see it in movies and in cartoons and stuff, and it happens exactly like it looks. | ||
| The person goes like, wah! | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| And so he immediately throws me out. | ||
| Let's see my husband doing that to our kids. | ||
| Well, he will now. | ||
| Whenever I tell somebody that it is hilarious, I run the risk of them doing it, and they shouldn't. | ||
| They shouldn't do it. | ||
| It's very dangerous. | ||
| But he kicked me out of his house, obviously, his right to do, but I still had a lot of beer with me, and so I sort of drank on the porch, and then I was just kind of like, he came out, and I was like, look, man, it's a classic move. | ||
| I was arguing with him that he couldn't be mad because it's a classic. | ||
| If you pull that out with me, I would totally be like, ah, you're not wrong. | ||
| It is a classic. | ||
| It did work. | ||
| He let me back in the party. | ||
| See, this is what I'm saying. | ||
| It's a classic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So when I was in high school, we had this, like, giant covered porch. | ||
| So, like, rain, shine, sleep, snow. | ||
| My mom would get home from work, and there's 30 kids on my front porch. | ||
| So she's inside one time, like... | ||
| I want to say making dinner, but like, let's be real, my grandma cooked. | ||
| She didn't. | ||
| But anyway, she hears my friend Zach swear. | ||
| And she was like, she comes out and she's like, Zachary, you're grounded. | ||
| And she grounded him from the porch. | ||
| So for the next several days, he had to sit across the street and we would like yell back and forth to him. | ||
| And he just like sat there on the sidewalk, like, oh, poor me, I'm grounded. | ||
| And like, literally like followed my mom's rules. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| So he got kicked off the porch. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| That's a level of respect that someone can garner to be able to claim that boundary. | ||
| Can't even come on the porch! | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, my mom was badass, man. | |
| I used to sit out on my porch at my old place and there was people across the street. | ||
| There was a lady and her kid that would always be on the porch. | ||
| And one day she sent her little kid over, who was like, I don't know, maybe five or six, to ask us for a beer. | ||
|
unidentified
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Because she wanted a beer, but didn't want to come over. | |
| And I was like, I don't know how I feel about this. | ||
| I'm happy to give her a beer, but I don't want to give it to this kid. | ||
| But I did. | ||
| I gave it to the five-year-old. | ||
| But I watched him go give it to the mom to make sure. | ||
| Another story where I come out looking great. | ||
|
unidentified
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Because you're a responsible adult, of course. | |
| Erica, I don't think we want to occupy your entire day. | ||
| Is there anything that you would like to get out? | ||
| I mean, I just feel like this whole community of wonks have... | ||
| They've just been my utter bright spot, man. | ||
| I had a meltdown the other day. | ||
| People were showing up at my house because somebody fucked up an address for this construction situation. | ||
| So I have like... | ||
| Somebody coming to, like, install countertops. | ||
| Somebody coming to drop off, like, a load of, like, milling for the driveway. | ||
| And I'm like, they're coming after me. | ||
| They've found my new address, right? | ||
| So I, like, call Ashley or message Ashley, like, one of the wonderful wonks. | ||
| And I'm, like, having this fucking meltdown. | ||
| And she was like, Erica, there's almost the exact same address right around the corner from you. | ||
| It's just, like, you got to, like, remove one letter and it's the same. | ||
| So she's like. | ||
| Talking me off the ledge. | ||
| I'm like, okay, cool, cool. | ||
| She's like, who I go to for meltdowns or if I need to vent about the wonky, legal-y shit that I don't understand. | ||
| I know Morgan's going to be there. | ||
| If I have medical questions, I go to John. | ||
| If I feel like getting drunk, I call Dave. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know what I mean? | |
| They have just become my go-to humans and I love it. | ||
| I'm here for it. | ||
| It is basically like there's a dirty dozen. | ||
| You've got a person who has a specialty. | ||
|
unidentified
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It is really bizarre. | |
| These people were spoiled. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| They're absolutely amazing. | ||
| I don't know how I would have gotten through this past six months without them and their love and the support and their fucking donations. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And they're fucking funny, man. | ||
| And all the animal pictures. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, I'm having a bad day and it's just like, here, get flooded with animals. | |
| Here are the puppies and kitties. | ||
| Like, yes! | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm living for them. | |
| It is weird how it's almost like a seal team, but it's like of actual seal pictures. | ||
| You know, like they just go into action and like, uh-oh, there's trouble. | ||
| We need unlikely animal friendships! | ||
| Stat! | ||
| Mobilize! | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| And, I mean, I've gotten, like, so many, like, hand-knitted things and teas sent, and they've just been, oh my god, so loving and so supportive, and I don't know. | ||
| I just, I don't know where the fuck I would be, like, if I didn't find this community. | ||
| And it's fucking amazing, man. | ||
| It's so awesome. | ||
| I mean, I feel like, obviously... | ||
| You know, Jordan and I are in a similar boat of, like, where would we be without these wonderful people? | ||
| Yeah, it's bizarre how human people are as a mass of an audience. | ||
| I don't know how to put it other than that, but it's just... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, I'll just like post like one thing and like this person's like, oh, this is my specialty. | ||
| Or if it's not them, it's my mom or my wife or they'll tag someone else. | ||
| And it's like, they know everything about this situation. | ||
| I'm just like, how do you find like this community of geniuses? | ||
| You've got to be careful, though, because some of them might just be feigning that confidence. | ||
| They might try and tell you, like, a penguin's a fish or something. | ||
| I mean, I'm going to leave that to you. | ||
| Trust, but verify. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's the name of the game. | |
| I really hope no one ever checks my Google history, man. | ||
| I think that's a very common thought that people have. | ||
| Well, thank you so much for joining us again. | ||
| This has been a delight. | ||
| And I hope we'll talk again in the future and that in the interim time that everything goes well with you and you have even better news. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Maybe I'll be able to drink more than one kind of water next time I talk to you. | ||
| Fingers crossed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't wait. | |
| What if it's permanent? | ||
| What if you're only an Aldi person for life now? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I wouldn't put it past me. | ||
| Could be worse. | ||
| Could be worse than having to go to Aldi. | ||
| We are not sponsored by Aldi. | ||
| I promise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I promise you. | |
| Thank you so much, Erica. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Andy in Kansas, you're on the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks for holding. | |
| Hello, Alex. | ||
| I'm a first-time caller. | ||
| I'm a huge fan. | ||
| I love your work. |