March 28, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:03:57
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Hello, Eleanor. | ||
| Great deep breath. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you? | |
| I really took that in. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What's cracking, kid? | ||
| I'm excited to be here. | ||
| Excited to have you. | ||
| How's LA treating you? | ||
| LA's good. | ||
| I mean, I'll be honest, I haven't been there a lot. | ||
| After I film my special, I just, I mean, I'm on the road so much. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, which is good. | ||
| And then I get to go to Philly. | ||
| In between, I hang out with my mom. | ||
| So, in between gigs, I'll just hang out with my mom instead of going back to LA. But I feel like I haven't been, I think I was there for five days last week. | ||
| Yeah, it becomes, when you do the road all the time, your house sort of just becomes some stop. | ||
| Yeah, but I have no responsibility whatsoever. | ||
| I don't have a plant. | ||
| I have nothing. | ||
| What a free existence you've carved out for yourself. | ||
| What an asshole. | ||
| So selfish. | ||
| It's funny because people think about it that way. | ||
| You have to have things you're responsible for, otherwise you're a bad person. | ||
| Yeah, I always tell my mom I'm leaving her what she would want to do had she not had 10 children. | ||
| Ten children. | ||
| Yeah, good times. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Keep it up, lady. | ||
| Ten kids is so bonkers. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| How about on the ninth one? | ||
| You're like, one more. | ||
| Her worst pregnancy. | ||
| The ninth one? | ||
| The ninth one. | ||
| Longest delivery. | ||
| My little brother Bobby. | ||
| She said that's how lazy he was. | ||
| He wouldn't come out. | ||
| He's so lazy. | ||
| She said he was hanging on for dear life. | ||
| I'm like, why? | ||
| And she said, because he's lazy. | ||
| It'd be an interesting study to have 10 kids and just to see, like, what makes them come out different. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is one thing, like, having children, seeing them from babies, you realize, like, oh, they're different right out of the box. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it has zero to do with, like, what you tell them. | ||
| This is what you should do. | ||
| Like, a lot of them is just how they come from the factory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| And you always think like, I know there's genetic stuff, like you inherit stuff genetically, whatever. | ||
| You know, I'm pretending I know what I'm saying. | ||
| Epigenetics. | ||
| Yeah, but that's good. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| Anyway, I asked my mom to write this thing for me, like what she was going through with each kid, just to see if I can get it. | ||
| Because we are all different, like in the craziest ways. | ||
| Oh, like in her life. | ||
| Yeah, like what was going on. | ||
| And it is interesting because when it gets to my brother Charlie, like she was going through stuff with my dad and physically her whole body. | ||
| She was pregnant. | ||
| Her kidneys were failing. | ||
| And they had to literally move him to the side, you know, operate on her kidneys, take it out, whatever, before it like killed the baby. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And it was insane. | ||
| Like she tells the story. | ||
| I'm like, oh, what? | ||
| How? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Why? | ||
| And then she said they put it back, cleared her out. | ||
| She was good. | ||
| The kidneys didn't affect anything. | ||
| And then they assumed Charlie was going to be stillborn. | ||
| So the nurse came in and she was like real down. | ||
| And the nurse goes, are you nervous you're going to lose this child? | ||
| And she's like, is this your first? | ||
| And my mom goes, no, this is my sixth. | ||
| And she goes, you go right ahead and lose that baby. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The nurse said that? | ||
| It's a different time. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Imagine if a nurse said that today. | ||
| She'd be executed on the spot. | ||
| Humans were so different before social media. | ||
| Yeah, it was so cool. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is it accountability? | ||
| Is it that we're now influenced by so many different people? | ||
| Is it like a lot of it is just more bullshit? | ||
| Like people can't just say what they really think? | ||
| Because they're just terrified they're going to get attacked by so many people, so you bullshit more. | ||
| And that lady was telling the truth. | ||
| Yeah, she was telling the truth. | ||
| That's all she did. | ||
| And she was, in a weird way, she was trying to encourage your mother to feel better. | ||
| Like, hey, you've got six kids. | ||
| You're going to be fine. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| You can lose this one, right? | ||
| She was just being serious. | ||
| By the way, Charlie's in his 50s. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| They didn't know a lot back then, you know? | ||
| I don't know which one of your brothers I've met. | ||
| You've met Jimmy. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| And he tortures me. | ||
| He's like, I want that car. | ||
| Which car? | ||
| He's a car guy, the Bronco. | ||
| Oh, my Bronco. | ||
| He's obsessed with the Bronco. | ||
| He's like, I'll come now. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| I'll just take it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, God. | ||
| I remember this one night at the comedy show. | ||
| Fucking Philly guys. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| I don't know if you'll remember this because it was more like I was a nervous wreck. | ||
| Jimmy was visiting. | ||
| He installed computers all over the country. | ||
| So he would come to LA a lot. | ||
| And he'd just pop in to the comedy store and we'd be like, oh shit, my brother's here. | ||
| So we're hanging out. | ||
| You're... | ||
| We were all hanging out like in the, what is it called? | ||
| Like the back? | ||
| With the parking lot is? | ||
| Kind of, but like in the side, you know, in the little. | ||
| So you're sitting on the ledge and Don Barris was saying crazy shit to me, right? | ||
| And in a way, Don doesn't. | ||
| We love it. | ||
| We love it. | ||
| But I'm dying and he's saying like horrible shit. | ||
| But we're crying, laughing, and Jimmy was just taking it in, like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And you looked at Don, and you go, Don, look at his calves. | ||
| Rethink what you're saying, because Jimmy has these ridiculous calves, and he's like Popeye. | ||
| And he was wearing shorts. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Jeans shorts, I'm positive. | ||
| He's an idiot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The... | |
| But I was like, Don, you're about to get smashed. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, dude, calm down. | ||
| And you're like, Don. | ||
| And it just made me laugh so hard every time I think of that. | ||
| But Jimmy was in a lot. | ||
| Men who don't know or understand dangerous men are hilarious. | ||
| And Jimmy walks on his knuckles. | ||
| He's got giant hands. | ||
| Everybody always sees his hands and they're like, oh, God. | ||
| Well, it's also from a different part of the world. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's basically like picking a fight with a Russian. | |
| Like Philadelphia dudes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| They're fucking different animals. | ||
| Yeah, they're not wrapped. | ||
| They fight way more often. | ||
| It's like Philly, Boston. | ||
| There's like a few cities like that, parts of New York, where you better shut the fuck up, man. | ||
| Yeah, just take it in. | ||
| They'll fucking hit you quick. | ||
| A lot quicker than you think. | ||
| Like, you're not going to have any room for talking your way out of this. | ||
| You're going to get hit. | ||
| It's not going to help, Don Harris. | ||
| I remember Don's face like, what? | ||
| I remember thinking like, oh my god, what happens here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your brother's gonna beat the fuck out of poor Don Barris. | |
| And Don's just saying, you know. | ||
| But that was a thing, though. | ||
| Because we play those games. | ||
| Don would do that to everybody. | ||
| He would go on stage in the later spot, the last spot in the OR. And that show was done. | ||
| It was done two hours ago. | ||
| And somehow or another, there's still people in the audience. | ||
| So those people in the audience, they're the strangest of people. | ||
| Like, some of them are just ne'er-do-wells. | ||
| Nothing's ever worked out for them. | ||
| But then finally, at 1.30 a.m. | ||
| in Hollywood, on the Sunset Strip on Tuesday, they found their tribe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They found their tribe. | ||
| And it's just them and a few other fucking scragglers and Don Barris. | ||
| And Don Barris is telling you how big his dick is, and he's like... | ||
| And he's put his foot on the table, staring people in the eye. | ||
| He's just doing, he's developed this style to do, like, kind of anything to get laughter out of people that have seen everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| You have to understand, for people that are listening, how the Comedy Store works. | ||
| You get there, the show starts, on a regular night, starts at 8 o'clock. | ||
| What is it, Potluck? | ||
| What night does it start on Potluck? | ||
| Potluck's Monday now. | ||
| It was Sunday and Monday. | ||
| Right. | ||
| For a while. | ||
| It was Sunday, Monday, Tuesday for a while. | ||
| Was it Tuesday too? | ||
| When does potluck start? | ||
| I think it starts at 7. Okay, so that might be Don Barris might go on at the end of all the comics who go on after the end of all the open micers. | ||
| So there might be people that are on fucking... | ||
| All kinds of shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Methadone, fucking Adderall. | ||
| How many drinks they had. | ||
| Their whole life's a mess. | ||
| They've been texting their ex through the entire show and she's not texting back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These fucking lost, lost people. | |
| The dregs of society. | ||
| And Don Barris would have them left over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I've seen people like women walk out on their guys because they're just... | ||
| Don's like, let me spit in your mouth. | ||
| You know, it's what? | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm like, you want another rum and coke? | ||
| Like, I'm trying to sell drinks. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| He was just trying to... | ||
| I mean, he essentially developed a style. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The king of late night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he put on a show, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It wasn't just his stand-up. | ||
| Like, he had a show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he really... | ||
| He'll play music sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was a lot going on. | ||
| He was entertaining you, which is interesting. | ||
| It's like, he's an entertainer. | ||
| He's truly the freest of entertainers. | ||
| When I go up, I still get nervous. | ||
| I don't know if you get nervous at all. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| Sometimes I feel like an idiot. | ||
| If you care about something, you're going to get nervous. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I panic a little. | ||
| But Don Barris just walks up like, hey, it's me. | ||
| Maybe it's from years of doing the warm-up as well. | ||
| I think that too. | ||
| I think it's a reps thing. | ||
| It's reps. | ||
| How many reps do you put in on stage? | ||
| Like some of those guys in New York that were hosts, they would get better really quick, especially at their delivery. | ||
| Because if you're hosting these nights in New York where people are doing seven minutes, you're going on stage, you're interacting with the crowd over and over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, and you find a way to be yourself. | ||
| It's like the inauthentic thing that a person does on stage. | ||
| You feel it while you're doing it, the audience feels it, and they might laugh still, but you know that you're not really... | ||
| But then when someone figures out how to be just them, for whatever reason, like Sebastian, he had to figure that out. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| It took him a minute. | ||
| But he did. | ||
| And when he figured it out, it was like instantaneous murdering. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| It went from a guy trying to figure it out to, oh, I got it. | ||
| Joey! | ||
| Do you remember the early days of Joey? | ||
| Joey Diaz? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Joey used to bomb. | ||
| Joey used to bomb. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| He was the funniest guy in the parking lot. | ||
| And then he would get tense when he would go on stage and he wouldn't have a good set. | ||
| It just wasn't him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| It was like more jokey joke. | ||
| Like he was trying to be a comedian. | ||
| He was trying to be some guy that's on late night television or something. | ||
| Maybe because I saw him in that light, the parking lot light, or he would fuck with me if I was waiting tables. | ||
| So it would make me laugh. | ||
| So I didn't judge what he did on stage. | ||
| The funniest guy of all time, talking to people. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| You would scream. | ||
| If there's a few of us hanging around and Joey came over, all of a sudden the life of the party was there. | ||
| Everybody had a big smile on their face. | ||
| Joey's here! | ||
| You know, and it would be fun. | ||
| But it took him a while, and what it was was like getting his heart broken by deals that didn't happen, agents that didn't follow through, managers that fucked him up or fucked him over. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then he eventually is like, fuck these people. | ||
| Fuck these people. | ||
| And he just brought that energy on stage. | ||
| Like, he thought it was over. | ||
| He thought, I don't have a career. | ||
| I'm probably going back to prison. | ||
| I just got out of prison. | ||
| Like, when I met Joey, he was not out of prison very long. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, yeah, when did he come to LA? 96? | ||
| 7? | ||
|
unidentified
|
5? | |
| Somewhere around that, yeah. | ||
| I know I was on news radio, because Joey would come visit me on the set, and they would be like, who's this fucking criminal that's eating all the shrimp? | ||
| Leave him alone. | ||
| He was going to the VIP, because the VIPs had their own separate green room, and they actually could watch the performance from the green room, I think, at one of the sets. | ||
| So anyway, they had really good food, because it was network executives. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| So they had shrimp cocktail. | ||
| When Hollywood was alive? | ||
| You got Joey Diaz, this fucking savage. | ||
| Joey was built like a football player back then too. | ||
| Joey wasn't like big belly Joey. | ||
| Joey was like 235, 240 pounds, jacked, big Cuban dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was kind of street, kind of sketchy, a little scary. | |
| You know, like high energy, 35-year-old Joey. | ||
| And so they were like, who the fuck is this guy? | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| That's a great image, though. | ||
| It just took... | ||
| Something happened to Joey. | ||
| It was right around the time when he got big, too. | ||
| Where his belly got big. | ||
| It's just like he just didn't give a fuck about anything anymore. | ||
| And he figured out a way to just be that guy who he was in the parking lot on stage. | ||
| And he did it like that. | ||
| He did it like that. | ||
| Theo Vaughn did it like that. | ||
| Theo Vaughn. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Did it like that. | ||
| Now I remember his... | ||
| I remember his break, for sure. | ||
| In the beginning, it was like, God, this guy's funny, but it's so weird. | ||
| The act is weird. | ||
| He seems awkward, but interesting. | ||
| He was trying to please too many people or something. | ||
| Or trying to be something he wasn't. | ||
| And then once he started being himself... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| It was just finding that authenticity, you know, and that's like exactly what we're talking about with like these hosts in New York when they do all these sets. | ||
| If you can get a job hosting, I know it doesn't pay anything and you're committed to it all night long. | ||
| Like if you're a comic, you could definitely make more money on the road. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But there's something to that in terms of training sessions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| First of all, you have to start the show, which is death. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| Death. | ||
| I always tell those guys at the mothership, for the first five minutes, you're doing a job. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| A real job. | ||
| A real job. | ||
| For the first five minutes, you're massaging people's feet. | ||
| You're washing hair. | ||
| You're fucking polishing people's nails. | ||
| You're doing a job. | ||
| You feel good? | ||
| It's not as simple as you just doing your act. | ||
| You've got to get the audience hypnotized. | ||
| You've got to get them hypnotized to laugh. | ||
| When I open for Dice, that's how it is. | ||
| It's a cold, you just go out there. | ||
| Sometimes people are like, are you going to introduce yourself? | ||
| I'm like, what kind of assholes? | ||
| Carolyn was at the Irvine Improv once, and I opened for him, just for fun. | ||
| Just cold open. | ||
| Just went out there and opened for him. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| But it was like, whoa, we're jumping right into this. | ||
| It's a little easier because they were happy to see me. | ||
| But if it was not that sort of situation, you're unknown, and you're not the person that people came to see, they're like, all right, what do we got here? | ||
| And if you're a Chick. | ||
| Oh, forget it. | ||
| I've always said this, and I think this needs to be recognized. | ||
| Women are limited in the way the audience is willing to perceive them right off the bat. | ||
| You have to break through boundaries in order for them to take you even remotely seriously. | ||
| If a man starts off at zero, a woman goes on stage, she starts off at negative three. | ||
| Minimum. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| If a guy sees a girl go on stage, how many guys like your brother? | ||
| If he sees a girl walk on stage, they're like, ugh. | ||
| With Dice, they look at me when I come out, they're like, is this a sacrifice? | ||
| Who's this? | ||
| But now they know me. | ||
| But once you're proven, they're like, oh, okay. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| But it's a harder gig. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| It's a harder gig for a woman. | ||
| And then women have these two other boundaries. | ||
| If you talk about sex, then people think you're a slut and they disrespect you, right? | ||
| Or like... | ||
| You can talk about how men suck. | ||
| You can talk about a few things. | ||
| You can't talk about politics. | ||
| You start talking about politics to a bunch of men, like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| I got opinions, too. | ||
| They'll just start yelling at you. | ||
| Bullshit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking Russia collusion in the Steele dossier! | |
| They'll start yelling at you, like, facts and things. | ||
| You can't talk politics. | ||
| It goes back to the 50s. | ||
| Like, who are you? | ||
| Why are you speaking? | ||
| What is wrong with you? | ||
| If you're a guy, you can do political humor. | ||
| There's not a lot of female political satirists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like think of all the Mark Sauls and the Lenny Bruces. | |
| He goes back to the 60s. | ||
| How many women would you put in the political satirist category? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, now Roseanne. | ||
| Roseanne. | ||
| Roseanne was kind of like forced into that. | ||
| They forced her into that. | ||
| True. | ||
| Well, it's political in that we talk about abortion and stuff like that. | ||
| Actually, I shouldn't say she was forced into that, because that was one of the issues that they had with her when she was on that show, is that she loved Trump. | ||
| Right, she got fired for it. | ||
| She got fired for her opinion. | ||
| She got fired because she was ambient up in the middle of the night. | ||
| She made some tweets about the lady from the government that looks like the lady from the Planet of the Apes. | ||
| And she didn't know that that lady was black. | ||
| She thought that lady was Jewish. | ||
| And she talks about it on stage. | ||
| She's like, I thought that bitch was Jewish. | ||
| And if you look at her, you get it. | ||
| She's very light-skinned and she has straight hair. | ||
| The joke that she was making, the only reason why she could make that joke is because it kind of works. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you know. | ||
| It's pretty accurate. | ||
| Right, but it's not... | ||
| She was just an old lady who has mental health issues, who's on Ambien and a host of other drugs, and people wanted to ruin her life for something she didn't even fucking remember doing. | ||
| That's the crazy part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, they dope people up with all... | |
| And then they make you responsible for what you did when you're on that wild shit? | ||
| That seems so crazy. | ||
| Ambien's the fucking scariest to me. | ||
| Kevin James made a turkey. | ||
| I think it was a turkey. | ||
| He made a meal and then woke up in the morning, saw the plate of food, was like, what the fuck? | ||
| He thought someone broke into his house and cooked. | ||
| We didn't remember anything. | ||
| I was living with Dice when he was on Ambien. | ||
| It was brutal. | ||
| He would move the car in the middle of the night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the middle of the night. | |
| We thought it got stolen one time, and here he parked it in front of somebody's driveway, so they towed it. | ||
| But he moved the fucking car. | ||
| I'm like, dude, he would wake me up as these characters. | ||
| He was... | ||
| Listen, it's enough to live with Dice. | ||
| I don't need extra characters. | ||
| He would do this black guy. | ||
| I forgot his name. | ||
| He would do this military guy. | ||
| It's always, hey, wake up! | ||
| And I'm like, ah, like my father's back. | ||
| What? | ||
| You know, like crazy. | ||
| That is so funny. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He would do some crazy shit. | ||
| So I believe Kevin's doing that. | ||
| Andrew would eat wild stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| Yeah, people do that. | ||
| There's people that have been in, like, shootouts with the cops. | ||
| He got off it. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Is Kevin off it? | ||
| I hope. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| Wasn't there someone who, like, drove to his in-law's house and killed them with a crowbar? | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Like, something crazy. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Some guy did something crazy on Ambien. | ||
| That's ambient and anger mixed together. | ||
| The thing is, you could take a person who's not that smart and maybe has a real problem with their in-laws. | ||
| Maybe the father and him have even gone to blows. | ||
| That shit happens. | ||
| You get a picnic, too many Bud Lights. | ||
| Next thing you know, dudes are duking it out. | ||
| Sleepwalker acquitted of murdering mother-in-law after a 15-mile drive. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| Look how we're so ghetto, we can't even look through the LA Times. | ||
| They're nickel and diming everybody. | ||
| You have to pay for everything. | ||
| A Toronto man was acquitted of murdering. | ||
| Oh, it's Canada. | ||
| It's Canada. | ||
| It's Toronto. | ||
| They live in Narnia up there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| A man was acquitted of murdering his mother-in-law after saying he was sleepwalking when he drove 15 miles to her house and hit her with an iron bar and repeatedly stabbed her. | ||
| Ontario Supreme Court deliberated nine hours before finding Kenneth Parks nearby Pickering not guilty on Thursday. | ||
| What about the Ambien though? | ||
| More. | ||
| They try to hit you again. | ||
| Is that what he was drinking? | ||
| Joko, whatever that is? | ||
| Does it say Ambien or does it say just sleepwalking? | ||
| It just said sleepwalking, right? | ||
| Because he's in a sleep state. | ||
| My nephew's a sleepwalker. | ||
| But was this guy on Ambien? | ||
| Does it have anything to do with Ambien or is it a different story? | ||
| Well, that's what I typed in and that's what popped up. | ||
| Let me see if another story. | ||
| Yeah, there was something about a guy... | ||
| That's so crazy, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who drove... | |
| Maybe I fucked the story up. | ||
| It seems like that's pretty similar. | ||
| That's so similar, it seems like I might have fucked the story up. | ||
| But also... | ||
| This happened in 1987, so I don't... | ||
| Was Ambien even around? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| No, this is not that story then. | ||
| It's definitely a more recent story. | ||
| 87? | ||
| Yeah, because this is a story while I was a grod-ass man. | ||
| Living in Los Angeles, it happened, I remember. | ||
| I don't remember what I thought had happened in America. | ||
| No, it might have been Canada. | ||
| Canada is silly. | ||
| They are silly. | ||
| It's like if you let your cousin, who's like 17, run the house while you go out of town for a week, and then you come back home, you're like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's Canada. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Local cases involving man who shot at five people, tests Ambien defense in court. | ||
| That's a recent one, huh? | ||
| That's 2023. Oh, shit. | ||
| So what is this guy trying to say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He shot at five people while he was on Ambien. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He said, no memory of the shooting two random cars in the middle of the night four years ago. | ||
| He's probably telling the truth. | ||
| And I know Roseanne is telling the truth. | ||
| I know she's telling the truth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was on Ambien and she was smoking weed. | ||
| I don't know if she was drinking alcohol, but listen, Roseanne likes to party. | ||
| But also, you get like... | ||
| She likes to party. | ||
| She's drinking and doing it. | ||
| That's a real dangerous combo. | ||
| And look, everybody should understand this. | ||
| Because you kind of know, but you really need to know. | ||
| And I talked to... | ||
| There's one of the reasons why I had Roseanne on my podcast right after she got in trouble. | ||
| I wanted everybody to know what I know. | ||
| Roseanne got hit by a car. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When she was 15 years old and she spent nine months in a mental health institute when she was a child. | ||
| She couldn't count after that. | ||
| She had straight A's in math. | ||
| After that, she couldn't do math. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She was fucked up. | ||
| And that wild impulsiveness led to an amazing career as a stand-up comedian that probably came, at least somewhat, some part of it came, obviously came out of her creativity and her performing and her work ethic and all the good things that are... | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| But that wildness... | ||
| part of that injury. | ||
| And that wildness exists in football players, it exists in former fighters, it exists in... | ||
| There's a lot of people that are running around out there that have brain injuries. | ||
| And if you get someone a brain injury and then you dope them up with Ambien, And then marijuana. | ||
| And then who knows what the fuck. | ||
| You're taking ketamine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fox News! | |
| She's just mainlining Fox News. | ||
| She's just fucking Tower 7! | ||
| Tower 7! | ||
| She's just taking it. | ||
| You have a device that you can tell everybody what you're feeling in that moment. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And you're, you know, it's like You're trying to get responses out of people. | ||
| See what the people think. | ||
| It's almost like testing an audience for some people. | ||
| And if they don't understand how to manage it psychologically, how many comics have we seen just get addicted to being on Twitter all day? | ||
| Get out of there, man. | ||
| You're losing your life in that box. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's insane! | ||
| I don't know how people do it. | ||
| It's so bad for you. | ||
| I'm a little addicted to TikTok. | ||
| Yeah, TikTok... | ||
| Is this an intervention? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| But I think, I wonder if TikTok is, I wonder if it's better for you to just scroll at videos of things happening that are nonsense. | ||
| Sometimes there's news, but... | ||
| But maybe that's better. | ||
| Because that doesn't, like, I don't have TikTok, but I have Instagram. | ||
| And Instagram does not make me feel the way that Twitter makes me feel. | ||
| Twitter makes me feel like I'm watching a fight between cats. | ||
| Like it's a cat fight in a house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| I just want to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I don't want to be a part of this. | ||
| And it's also like a very poor, it's a very clearly poor management of time and resources. | ||
| If you're using your time and resources to argue constantly on Twitter, But your life has to be a mess. | ||
| It has to be a mess. | ||
| It's impossible for you to only be disciplined in this area where you contain yourself in this area. | ||
| The rest of your life, though, everything's locked down. | ||
| You don't have any problems. | ||
| But when you go after Twitter, it doesn't affect you. | ||
| It doesn't affect the rest of your life. | ||
| Bullshit! | ||
| Bullshit! | ||
| You're fighting with the invisible man, but that stuff is out there forever. | ||
| It's out there forever, and it's 100% proof that you are engaging in a foolish waste of your resources. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| 100% undeniable proof. | ||
| Dice would have been in as much trouble as Roseanne if Twitter was... | ||
| It might have been a thing, but he probably didn't know how to use it. | ||
| It's been 20 years. | ||
| How long has Twitter been out? | ||
| He'd been in so many controversies. | ||
| But I'm saying with the ambient... | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| Roseanne was like America's blue-collar sweetheart for the longest time when she was on TV. Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| She was beloved. | ||
| And then she grabbed her pussy. | ||
| I was going to say, she did some shit. | ||
| The national anthem. | ||
| Who knows what she was on back then? | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| Listen, this lady, they've been medicating this lady left and right her whole life. | ||
| And she's always like, I don't know if they got the formula right this time. | ||
| Let's move it around a little. | ||
| She's still working it. | ||
| She's so good. | ||
| She's got a lot of money, and I'm sure those doctors are helping out. | ||
| But you know, they were telling her at one point in time that they were threatening her royalties. | ||
| If she kept talking about things... | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| It's her show. | ||
| Yeah, but they can do things. | ||
| They can pull deals. | ||
| See, like, if you're not making any money anymore, but you own a piece of a television show... | ||
| And also, we're dealing with... | ||
| It's 2024. I'm not in the TV business anymore, but... | ||
| Kind of know how it works. | ||
| In 2024, I don't know how many people are buying old sitcoms. | ||
| I'm sure like Netflix and streaming sites, maybe they could use. | ||
| But if they just decide, you know, hey, we don't want Roseanne on the platform, like there's shows you can't get. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like 90s sitcoms. | ||
| You can't find Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Try finding that show. | ||
| No, and I loved that. | ||
| I loved her, I should say. | ||
| She used to work at the store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was wild, but she was funny. | ||
| I think towards the end of her tenure there, she might have fucking lost the plot. | ||
| She got... | ||
| I remember her showing up. | ||
| She was crazy. | ||
| I heard she's got a little nuts. | ||
| And she had substance problems. | ||
| But she was so fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah, you could tell. | ||
| She's a very funny comic, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Back in the day. | ||
| She would call and ask me to do her, like, bizarro favors at the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Favors? | |
| Like what? | ||
| Yeah, like, just to see if certain comics were there. | ||
| Go call my cat. | ||
| She would have, like, crushes on certain comics. | ||
| So she's like, hey, so call me if they come in. | ||
| I'm like, all right. | ||
| But I was like, are you coming in? | ||
| Because you're, like, hilarious. | ||
| You're one of the ones I laugh at. | ||
| So are you coming in? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But then she just stopped coming. | ||
| But I think she did have some... | ||
| But there's a thing called TV Land, which goes way back, I believe. | ||
| Because I have, like, nieces and nephews that are like, did you ever see? | ||
| I love Lucy. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Yeah, and reruns. | ||
| And I'm like, it's my favorite show. | ||
| But they watch it now on TV Land. | ||
| Is TV Land... | ||
| I think it's a channel? | ||
| Or it could be on an app? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't keep up with the kids. | ||
| Maybe it's both. | ||
| I still have cable. | ||
| It's why I don't own a house. | ||
| It's very expensive. | ||
| Most things have to be both now. | ||
| You can't just be a channel anymore. | ||
| You kind of have to be a channel and an app. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| If you're just a channel... | ||
| Or they've merged with the apps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so yeah, my nieces watch the oldest shows and you know, I don't see like nobody comes up and says like the Bunker, what's that called? | ||
| Archie, All in the Family. | ||
| All in the Family, that's my favorite, but people don't say that one to me, so I wonder if that's available. | ||
| It's definitely available because people send me little videos like Instagram videos of Archie Bunker. | ||
| You see them on TikTok. | ||
| I don't use that Chinese spyware. | ||
| I prefer my spyware to be American. | ||
| I want people in this country sneaking around in my data and finding out what I'm researching. | ||
| I'm so lonely, I want them all to know where I'm at at every moment. | ||
| Does India have an app? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Bring it on, bitches! | ||
| Yeah, it's just weird. | ||
| It's TikTok. | ||
| My nieces were like, you have to get on TikTok. | ||
| So I did, but I stink at it. | ||
| I don't know how to excel at it. | ||
| I do watch the videos, though. | ||
| Well, you've got to be trans, first of all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Can you at least fake it? | ||
| No, it's not fair. | ||
| I wanted to transition when I was a kid and my mom wouldn't let me. | ||
| I begged. | ||
| I begged. | ||
| I think I was like seven or eight. | ||
| I wanted to be a male bodybuilder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And my mom was like... | ||
| Imagine if that was around today and you lived in Santa Monica. | ||
| Oh, I would be halfway somewhere, at least, if I was a kid now. | ||
| Yeah, I'd have one nut, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Half a tit. | |
| We'll see. | ||
| But I'm saying, like, I begged. | ||
| I told my mom I took a picture out of a male bodybuilder's magazine. | ||
| I ripped it out, and I was like, this is what I want. | ||
| And my mom was like, the guy? | ||
| I was like, no, I want to be a male bodybuilder. | ||
| I didn't know transition. | ||
| I just said I want to be a boy. | ||
| And she was so mad because she had four boys in a row and she begged for a little girl. | ||
| And then I came out and I'm like, what's up, motherfucker? | ||
| How much that you what's up motherfuckers was affected by the fact that you have all those brothers? | ||
| Sure, just surrounded. | ||
| I didn't know any difference. | ||
| It has to be, right? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Because my little sister Edie, she's not girly by any means, but she's not as butchy as I was. | ||
| But she still played the sports and stuff and fought, whatever. | ||
| But we were just surrounded. | ||
| The two of us, if we had dolls, they'd rip their heads off. | ||
| So I'd be like, oh cool, it looks better. | ||
| And then we'd color it in and just do dumb shit. | ||
| I don't remember girly stuff. | ||
| I know my mom would beg me to do it or wear a dress and then I played rumble fumble in my communion dress. | ||
| She was pissed. | ||
| Well, just the amount of boy behavior and you're trying to fit in and you're the youngest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not the youngest. | ||
| Well, at the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then I remember this boy saying to me, because I liked boys, but I was very boy-like. | ||
| How many older brothers do you have? | ||
| I have five older brothers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So when you were born, you're born into a home with five boys. | ||
| Surrounded. | ||
| So that's the early developmental time where you're kind of like forming your view of the world. | ||
| You have no evidence that girls are even real for years. | ||
| My sisters didn't talk to me. | ||
| Why am I not like these? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I had to share a room with my sisters. | ||
| And my mom put this big, like, canopy bed in there. | ||
| And it's a little tiny row home. | ||
| And the middle room is like a glorified closet. | ||
| And so she put this canopy bed in there. | ||
| You could barely open the door. | ||
| And then when I slept in there, I wet the bed for a long time. | ||
| So they kicked me out. | ||
| So I had to sleep in my brother's room. | ||
| So there were seven of us in the front room. | ||
| I don't know why I'm pointing like it's over there. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| So I was now in the room with that. | ||
| And that's all I know. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So I'm doing everything they do. | ||
| I'm playing football. | ||
| I'm outside with a helmet. | ||
| Is she slow? | ||
| No, she's got a game. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I was joking. | ||
| I did the Are You Garbage podcast with those guys. | ||
| They're so funny. | ||
| And I remembered a story because they were asking questions. | ||
| And I remembered when I would play handball or stickball, I'd take my shirt off and tuck it in the back of my pants. | ||
| And spit and everything. | ||
| Like, no shirt! | ||
| And my mother saw me, Jesus Christ! | ||
| But I was eight or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I was like, that's what they do. | ||
| Isn't it funny that a woman's nipples mean something? | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's funny. | ||
| I mean, it's so odd. | ||
| Because even a woman that has the smallest of breasts, her nipples are like... | ||
| You can see them. | ||
| Like, it literally is the same form as a young boy. | ||
| Like, if you have a 13-year-old boy and a very thin woman who has no breasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're very similar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But one of them, when you realize it's a woman, you're like... | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| You're essentially literally looking at the same organ, the same part of the body. | ||
| It's not like you're looking at a vagina or a dick. | ||
| Yeah, those are significantly different. | ||
| You're just looking at nipples. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Female nipples make you go... | |
| Because there's a slight drop behind it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Have you seen the hack these hoes have found how to do on Instagram? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They breastfeed fake babies. | ||
| You can breastfeed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| Time out. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| They got a rubber baby and these hotties are pulling out giant melons and they shake them in front of the audience and squeeze them and then they stuff them in the face of a fake baby. | ||
| And this one girl, she's got her other tit out too. | ||
| Like, fuck it. | ||
| What if he gets hungry on the other side? | ||
| So she's got both tits out. | ||
| And it's a fake baby? | ||
| Fake tits, too. | ||
| Big, giant-ass fake tits and fake baby. | ||
| You're allowed to do it because you're allowed to show breastfeeding for educational purposes. | ||
| Oh, so this is how I'm going to get more followers. | ||
| You just gave me the insight. | ||
| These hoes are scandalous. | ||
| Check out my new TikTok. | ||
| They know. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't know if it's a TikTok thing. | ||
| I bet it'll probably get you kicked off TikTok. | ||
| Here they go. | ||
| Oh, look at the baby. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. | ||
| That fake baby and big ass fake today. | ||
| There's a lot of fake things on there. | ||
| What a filter, by the way. | ||
| This one's not a lot of attention, but... | ||
| That's the one I'd watch with the football player, like an idiot. | ||
| There's quite a few of these going around. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a shitty fake baby. | ||
| That's a dead baby. | ||
| That's a doll. | ||
| Your baby's dead. | ||
| Your milk is poisonous, lady. | ||
| There's some people that get really good fake babies. | ||
| You have to look at the baby real quick. | ||
| I think that's a rubber baby. | ||
| So they're just getting away with showing their tits. | ||
| I think, essentially, it's an ad for OnlyFans. | ||
| I was going to say, yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| So that's somebody's fetish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's just the fact that they get to show their tit. | ||
| I don't even think it's someone's fetish. | ||
| It's probably definitely someone's fetish. | ||
| I mean, let's be clear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Out of all the freaks in the world, there's some guys out there jerking off to women breastfeeding, for sure. | ||
| But it's not that. | ||
| It's just an opportunity to show your tits. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| But now my boobs are starting to grow. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| Late in life. | ||
| I don't know if it's hormonal. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But for years, nothing. | ||
| And now all of a sudden I'm like, this doesn't fit. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| So I'm going to start. | ||
| These guys just came in. | ||
| I didn't even know I was a girl. | ||
| Let them go. | ||
| Free the nipple. | ||
| Isn't that a thing in New York City where they were, like, legally arguing that women should be able to walk around topless because men can walk around topless? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw a protest in Asheville one time, and I was having lunch with Carl LaBeouf. | ||
| We were doing a festival down there, and it was packed. | ||
| We were both, like... | ||
| I'm not gay, but watching them flap while you're walking, I was like, oh, wow, that's what they're supposed to look like? | ||
| And then Carl's just on the floor like, holy shit, I'm going to move here. | ||
| Isn't it interesting that that's controversial? | ||
| That there's laws that will tell you... | ||
| Look, if there's laws about a man exposing himself in public, that makes sense because that's like a public health danger. | ||
| And it's danger because the vast majority of like sexual predators, especially for like younger people, are men, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So a guy with his dick out in public is like a public safety hazard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is really, no one's scared. | ||
| But it's because of the predators, probably. | ||
| They're trying to keep them off? | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| It's like, it's the only time where a law is in that, where you don't have any fear whatsoever about that person harming someone with their body, but yet you make their body a crime. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You make showing parts of their body of crime. | ||
| Like, you can get a ticket or you can get... | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I think they could probably even arrest you for public nudity. | ||
| Indecent. | ||
| Indecent exposure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But meanwhile, I could walk right next to that lady with my shirt off and there's no problems at all. | ||
| But didn't... | ||
| Before, I think the men got the right to take their shirt off. | ||
| Wasn't until, like, the 50s or 40s. | ||
| For a long time, they weren't allowed to either. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what would they do on construction sites? | ||
| What, they just arrest everybody? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| They can't be shirtless at a construction shop. | ||
| That's a job. | ||
| You can't be shirtless. | ||
| They only were shirtless when they were having lunch, maybe. | ||
| Have you ever worked a construction site? | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Are you talking crazy? | ||
| I'm seeing them in the vest and the shirt. | ||
| Maybe today. | ||
| Because I'd sit there and watch for a long time if that was true. | ||
| If we were working outside, I did mostly construction jobs when I was in high school. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| My stepfather was an architect, so I got a lot of jobs on building sites. | ||
| And so I'd just get jobs as a laborer. | ||
| It was a good job to get because you could always get them and it's hard work. | ||
| You would be outside topless constantly. | ||
| Ninety-one, court let's stand law bearing topless men. | ||
| Supreme Court Monday let's stand a local ordinance prohibiting, this is in Washington, prohibiting males from jogging topless or otherwise appearing in public without wearing shirts. | ||
| The court refused to review the constitutionality of a statute from the village of Southampton, New York, making it illegal for anyone to appear on a public street shirtless. | ||
| That's a very specific area. | ||
| So that's like, this is Southampton, New York. | ||
| It's what they're talking about. | ||
| I know when I lived in Boston, when we were working in the summer, we always had shirts off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get a great tan, too. | |
| I can see it as a roofer, of course. | ||
| Things like that, but I don't know. | ||
| I'm just picturing maybe people... | ||
| It's fucking hot. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's crazy hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hot. | |
| You're carrying lumber, and the building that you're building has no ventilation. | ||
| It has nothing. | ||
| It's just frames. | ||
| You're basically helping carpenters frame things. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| In my head, I'm seeing them right now with the vest on, but maybe that's just my fantasy. | ||
| The summertime no shirt is easy. | ||
| The hard one is wintertime no heat. | ||
| Because I had wintertime no heat gigs. | ||
| Whoa, those were rough. | ||
| Especially in Boston. | ||
| Yeah, I had some of those right after I graduated from high school. | ||
| They were a wake-up call. | ||
| It was like, hey, fuckface, you've got to figure out what you want to do with your life, or this is going to be you forever. | ||
| Being in the winter with numb feet, moving shit around on a construction site. | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| Fingers being frozen? | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| And they would have like a little public portable heater that we would all gather around to eat lunch. | ||
| So you'd all stand around this blowtorch while you're eating lunch. | ||
| Oh my god, so dangerous but amazing. | ||
| It wasn't really a blowtorch. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You ever seen one of those? | ||
| Like, they have them on set sometimes. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're hot. | |
| Chappelle and I did Fear Factor. | ||
| I did Fear Factor on the Chappelle show. | ||
| So I came in and Tyrone Biggums was on Fear Factor. | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| They filmed that in the dead of winter in New York in this warehouse, like this space, whatever they were filming at. | ||
| And they had one of them heaters. | ||
| So they would have them on set sometimes. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| It's a tube. | ||
| And it gets hot. | ||
| You basically can cook a grilled cheese sandwich in front of it. | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
| You can light on fire. | ||
| Very dangerous. | ||
| So we would gather around in front of one of those fucking things. | ||
| And just be like... | ||
| Just freezing our dicks off and then go right back out there. | ||
| You got to be carrying the cement, carrying the lumber. | ||
| That was your motivation. | ||
| Well, it was just a wake-up call. | ||
| Like, you don't want to be doing no hard labor, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the point is, like, we could have no shirts on and walk around. | ||
| No one cared. | ||
| But if we were a bunch of gals framing rooftops with our tits out... | ||
| All the local hens. | ||
| You can wear the bra. | ||
| That's why girls now think they'll just wear a bra. | ||
| They didn't want to wear a bra. | ||
| They just wanted to let their tits out like a guy does. | ||
| All the local hens. | ||
| Put your tits on, you dirty bitch. | ||
| You fucking dirty bitch. | ||
| My husband's looking at your dirty tits. | ||
| Sometimes, like, I'll see, like, on Melrose and stuff, you see them walking around, and they have, like, these short shorts. | ||
| One time, me and Andrew were, like, just at Starbucks hanging out on Melrose in L.A., and these kids were walking by. | ||
| I mean, they were kids, and he just, like, turned away, and I go, what happened? | ||
| And it was a girl, like, her entire ass was out. | ||
| It was, the shorts were all the way out, and he just turned away, like, that's a baby. | ||
| I'm not looking at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Classic. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I know, but that's what they do. | ||
| I don't know if it's a teenage thing. | ||
| Well, I mean, I think that's, again, there's always been girls that dress like that or close to that, right? | ||
| You can go way back to the 80s. | ||
| I tried. | ||
| I wore cute little hot pants in the 80s. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, I used to wear a bustier because I started clubbing like when I was 14. Oh my god, Eleanor. | ||
| What a fucking background. | ||
| Perfect background to be a comic. | ||
| True. | ||
| Well, this is what happened with me wanting to be a boy. | ||
| I liked boys. | ||
| And this one really good-looking kid that played football, and I'm standing there. | ||
| I remember I'm wearing shoulder pads. | ||
| Idiot. | ||
| And he goes, are you ever going to be a girl? | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then I asked another guy friend, I go, how come so-and-so doesn't like me? | ||
| And they're like, because he thinks you could beat him up. | ||
| Nobody's attracted to the girl who may or may not be able to knock him out. | ||
| So I stopped. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| And then boys started to like me. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| You had to learn a new pattern of behavior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Right. | ||
| But I still am like, watch it. | ||
| Like when guys start wearing cologne. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, oh, okay. | ||
| I'm going to clean up. | ||
| I stink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I still am, like, not so grateful to be a woman. | ||
| Like, it bothers me a lot. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Because I still have that in me. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It would be so much easier to just be a dude. | ||
| Do you think they could have talked you into being trans if you were, like, 12? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| And I'm good friends with Dylan Mulvaney. | ||
| We did a pilot together. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Dylan was not trans when I met them. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| You're going to get in trouble. | ||
| She knows I love her, so I can't say anything wrong. | ||
| So you knew her when she was a heat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And we had the best time. | ||
| But meeting her when I did, I was like, oh, she's more woman than I ever was, ever will be. | ||
| Like, I know I have the parts. | ||
| Even with a dick. | ||
| I'm telling you, more girly than... | ||
| I mean girly, girly. | ||
| And my best friend growing up was like that. | ||
| You're a very kind person. | ||
| You're a very kind person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| And I just want to introduce this thought into your mind. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| People are performative occasionally. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| And sometimes when people want you to think of them in one way or another, they will behave that way. | ||
| And people can keep that up for... | ||
| I didn't know them from anybody. | ||
| We just met. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you're saying she was performing... | ||
| Well, I think deciding that you're a woman and then performing like a woman is a thing that we can all do. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| And if you met me, Eleanor, if you met me, and you're like, oh my god, Joe Rogan is a woman. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Thinks like a woman, behaves like a woman, has off this woman energy, like so sweet, so amazing. | ||
| It's performative. | ||
| You're a biological man. | ||
| And there's a lot of social value in being trans today. | ||
| There's a lot of... | ||
| Oh, I agree with you on that. | ||
| You get attention for having nothing interesting about you other than the fact that you're a boy who wants to be a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's it. | ||
| And that is like a crazy low barrier to entry to be a part of a protected class and to be celebrated for people that will never be celebrated. | ||
| But you don't believe people can be born and have like mixed up things? | ||
| I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, good. | |
| I believe both things. | ||
| I believe both things. | ||
| I believe, yes. | ||
| This is what we have to be wary about because when you see these cluster cases, like particularly young girls, we get like 10 girls that are on the spectrum and they all go trans in the school together. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And you have to realize that people are motivated just like you were when you were a young girl. | ||
| And you were dressing like a boy and acting like a boy and then you go, oh, I gotta not do that anymore. | ||
| And then now boys like me. | ||
| People are motivated by behaviors that get them positive reinforcement. | ||
| And there's this in this time in this day and age, there's immense amount of positive reinforcement. | ||
| Being a part of the LBGT pride whatever it is right and I that makes sense because it's a natural reaction to the Times when we were kids or gay people were shunned and shit on and it was up until 2013 Hillary Clinton didn't it was saying that she didn't think that Marriage should be between gay men. | ||
| It should be between a man and a woman and Barack Obama used to say that. | ||
| They all used to say it. | ||
| So imagine being a gay person back then. | ||
| And so there's like this natural overcorrection. | ||
| So we're in this overcorrection right now. | ||
| But this overcorrection gets co-opted by opportunists Who are just narcissists. | ||
| Just people with mental illness. | ||
| And people who realize that they can get a tremendous amount of attention by just fitting into this new place. | ||
| And it's also a great way for perverts and sex offenders to weasel in. | ||
| If you were a guy and you were really into dogs, you'd get a job as a dog trainer. | ||
| A guy's really into dogs. | ||
| He loves working with dogs. | ||
| If you're a pedophile, Wouldn't you get a job at Nickelodeon? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You would, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, isn't there like a scandal that's going on right now? | ||
| Yeah, bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Real bad. | |
| What is the Nickelodeon scandal? | ||
| The Dan guy? | ||
| I don't even know if it's that. | ||
| There's another one, too. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| A new one? | ||
| I just like kids. | ||
| I just like working with kids. | ||
| I just like being around them and being alone with them. | ||
| Priests. | ||
| Being alone with them. | ||
| I like being alone with them. | ||
| Teachers, yeah. | ||
| Just me and the kid. | ||
| Camp counselors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh! | |
| Let's keep a secret. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| But there's humans that recognize that there's like patterns that they can fall into where they can get more attention, get more praise. | ||
| So this is the Nickelodeon thing. | ||
| It says the actor has claimed he was sexually abused by dialogue and acting coach Brian Peck who pleaded no contest to performing a lewd act with a 14 or 15 year old and to oral copulation with a minor under 16 in 2004. Ultimately sentenced to 16 months in prison and ordered to register as a sex offender in October 2004. In his first interview since the release of the Doc Bell, has shared his thoughts on Nickelodeon's response to the allegations. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, how do you know when someone... | ||
| I mean, if you hire... | ||
| You're hoping you're hiring people that just, like, Like making kid shows. | ||
| Maybe they have kids. | ||
| But why can't the parent be present? | ||
| They say kids that get molested and stuff like that, a lot of times it's parents just giving them off and not being present. | ||
| I think about it, I'm like, why didn't we get molested? | ||
| We were on our own for a long time. | ||
| I dodged a couple bullets when I was a kid. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're trusting people. | ||
| And most people you can trust. | ||
| And you hope you can trust these people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know about UFC heavyweight champion, former heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| His son was apparently by daycare. | ||
| And he went after the guy and shot at him from his car and got arrested and was in jail. | ||
| You think he's still awaiting trial. | ||
| But it was literally one of those things where everybody that hears that, that's a father, if you ask them, what would you do if that happened? | ||
| Everyone says the same thing. | ||
| If you can get away with sleepwalking and killing your mother-in-law, you should be away with fucking blind rage that makes you shoot at some guy who molested your kid. | ||
| Listen, I don't have children, and if that happened to one of my nieces and nephews, I'd be the one who snapped. | ||
| I'd lose it. | ||
| It's the most evil of things. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| But it's also one of the weird ones that today they're trying to normalize. | ||
| They're trying to call it minor attracted persons. | ||
| When I say they, I want to be really clear. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a few fringe psychos. | ||
| But the problem is that fringe psycho dialogue winds up on social media and then gets amplified by places like TikTok that want us to be upset at these kind of things, whether it's to program us or whether it's just to keep us like fighting and then engaging in the algorithm, which is ultimately beneficial for them because that's really what they want is more views and more interactions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so you'll have these wacky fucking people that give these speeches in public with cameras on them where they're talking about, we have to understand this is an identity and this should be a protected identity, a minor attracted person. | ||
| This is not one person saying this. | ||
| It's multiple people saying this. | ||
| But it falls into that same thing. | ||
| Some people are fucking insane. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| My best friend growing up, he was flamboyant from the get. | ||
| And I mean, we were friends when we were six, seven. | ||
| And he would always be like, and he made me get into cheerleading because he liked cheerleading. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't like cheerleading. | ||
| And then I was like, can we just do something? | ||
| Can we play football, you know? | ||
| And then he started, like, we would fight. | ||
| And then we always used to say that we wished we had a button or we wanted to, there was a cartoon where you can run into each other. | ||
| Wonder powers activate or something like that. | ||
| You run into each other and you become something different. | ||
| We were going to run into each other and become... | ||
| And you would be a boy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And it never worked. | ||
| So he waited until both his parents passed, and then he transitioned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| But he wanted that his whole life. | ||
| He just didn't want to disrespect his parents. | ||
| It's 100% a real thing. | ||
| It is. | ||
| But I agree that there's always people that jump in and act. | ||
| There is that, and then there's this other thing. | ||
| The other thing is money. | ||
| So you have to realize how many gender-affirming care clinics have opened up just since 2007. If you look at the map of 2007 versus 2023, it's crazy the difference. | ||
| I mean, it's probably now or in 2024, it's probably even more. | ||
| But the number of those things that they, by the way, they're just like a body shop. | ||
| You bring a car into a body shop, they're going to want to fix the car. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You bring a kid into a gender affirming care, they're not going to go, Billy, you just need to find yourself, man. | ||
| Maybe you're just a gay man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're not going to just tell them, like, there's a lot of social pressure on this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| And you're very uncomfortable in your own skin, in your own life, and you're thinking that this is going to be the solution to make you whole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And also, if you're a woman, if they give you testosterone, you are going to feel better. | ||
| So the thing about testosterone, it alleviates anxiety. | ||
| It does all sorts of different things. | ||
| It creates a sense of euphoria when girls take it in high doses and... | ||
| My friend, someone in his immediate vicinity is transitioning from a girl to a boy. | ||
| And he found out what the dose was. | ||
| The dose of testosterone. | ||
| He goes, this is like a hardcore bodybuilder steroid dose of testosterone. | ||
| He's like, this person was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Banging. | |
| Banging. | ||
| Like a lot of tests every week. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And it was just changing everything. | ||
| Changing their voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Changing the facial structure. | ||
| Growing a mustache. | ||
| Like weird shit. | ||
| Like knowing someone their whole life as a girl. | ||
| Then all of a sudden they have a fucking beard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So of course it's going to make you feel different. | ||
| But is that who you really were? | ||
| Is that who you really are? | ||
| That's the hard part. | ||
| I think of that a lot because I think if I did it, how would I feel? | ||
| Because there are people that do it and then say, I want to go back. | ||
| Yeah, detransitioners. | ||
| And they get shamed, by the way. | ||
| That's what's really scary. | ||
| Those people get attacked because they're fucking it up. | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| And you just have to look at it like a system. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Groups of people always want more people in their group. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Like, people that use Windows PCs will try to convince you that Apple sucks. | ||
| Like, they will, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I have heard it. | ||
| I've heard the argument. | ||
| Now, trans people, unless they're actively trying to reproduce by going to a clinic, so unless you're a trans woman, Woman who has a fully functional dick and you're having sex with a trans man who has a fully functional vagina and hasn't taken so much testosterone that they're no longer fertile. | ||
| And then even so, like, what's going on there? | ||
| But that's like, it's not the regular way that people have kids. | ||
| And there's no guarantee that you're gonna have a trans kid. | ||
| So there's only one way to get more trans people. | ||
| You gotta recruit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You gotta recruit. | ||
| Everybody needs a recruit. | ||
| If you can't draft, you must recruit. | ||
| That's what they would say about gay people. | ||
| They're recruiting. | ||
| Well, some of them do. | ||
| Some do. | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| There's always a percentage. | ||
| I had this friend who was gay and he would always talk about how he'd convince straight guys and letting them suck their dick. | ||
| Oh my god, I have so many friends. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| He thought it was so funny. | ||
| He's like, all these straight guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just get them a little drunk and tell them you suck their dick. | ||
| It's amazing how many of them let you. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| And then there's, I know women that are gay and so forceful. | ||
| One is like, was so, she would turn women, if you will, for a period of time. | ||
| Date them. | ||
| Drop them like a bad habit. | ||
| Now they're all fucking confused. | ||
| They don't know who they are. | ||
| Am I gay? | ||
| Am I straight? | ||
| Who am I? And then go through all this crazy mental breakdowns. | ||
| I have two really good friends that went crazy over this shit. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| They got turned out by a lesbian. | ||
| Turned out and turned down. | ||
| See ya! | ||
| Bye, bitch! | ||
| Later! | ||
| Sometimes lesbians come as hard as God, you know what I mean? | ||
| Same kind of behavior. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Drop you, just cut you off. | ||
| Like, you're out. | ||
| Also, you're recognizing if you're in that dating game, right? | ||
| There's like two players in that dating game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's the strong, like, successful, like, dominator. | ||
| Which could be a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's a person who's like, well, sure, I'd love to come to work with you. | ||
| It doesn't even have to be male or female. | ||
| There's guys like that that wind up with these boss ladies. | ||
| How many boss ladies do you know that have these really bag of milk husbands? | ||
| These guys have zero will. | ||
| Such a great line. | ||
| They just have no will. | ||
| There's no drive. | ||
| If someone breaks into their house, they're going to faint like a possum. | ||
| There's no animal in there. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's all gone. | ||
| He's under the covers. | ||
| You get him, honey. | ||
| If it wasn't gone because of environmental conditions or biology, it's gone by the circumstances they find themselves in. | ||
| They have a dominant woman and she yells at them and they get no sex. | ||
| I try to not be that way, but I have done that too. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I have done that. | ||
| I remember Andrew Dice getting angry. | ||
| I always call him Andrew, whatever. | ||
| When he got angry at me because there was like a fight, he got an argument with this guy at 7-Eleven. | ||
| And I got in between. | ||
| And he was just like, what are you? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| And I was like, I'll kill somebody. | ||
| What? | ||
| You don't want me to help? | ||
| I thought we were on the same team. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But he got mad and I was like, okay, you got to calm down with your bruteness and not throw a man through something because I'm an idiot like that. | ||
| Again, growing up with the wrestling and when I physically, literally started wrestling, my mom was like, I was furious at that. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| We used to love going to watch you. | ||
| But she was mad! | ||
| When we saw you at the forum. | ||
| It was awesome! | ||
| You're a fucking pro wrestler. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I was like, this is so good. | ||
| Yeah, you were really good at it, too. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| My mom started giving me notes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, that's hilarious. | |
| But it was entertaining. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It was very entertaining. | ||
| And that's what it's supposed to be, you know? | ||
| And so, yeah, I would have, like, fun. | ||
| But, you know, now I'm physically in the ring fighting with people. | ||
| Like, she was so embarrassed. | ||
| But there was a point I was going to make and I lost it because my brain died. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| But yeah, it's just, I'm saying like that whole trajectory of like, I'm still doing boy-like things in a girl's body. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And I do believe what you're saying, like it's, it's like my brother Charlie jokingly, talking about like it's hitting everywhere. | ||
| He went to the doctors and they were asking him questions and she said, what do you identify as? | ||
| Now Charlie's in his fifties and he goes, the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's funny when they bring it up out of nowhere. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| You can see me, bitch. | ||
| How do you identify with your mustache and your gray chest hair? | ||
| Yeah, and he's sitting there. | ||
| He's rubbing one out. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| But he looked at her because it's so foreign to him. | ||
| And the lady apologized. | ||
| She goes, I'm sorry. | ||
| I have to ask. | ||
| It's like part of the regulations. | ||
| Well, it's probably a DEI thing that they have that's attached to their business. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's, well, it's, you know, Vivek Ramaswamy, that guy was running for president. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy. | ||
| And he said some very interesting things. | ||
| When he said, he called it the tyranny of the oppressed. | ||
| He goes, yeah, it's not good to oppress people. | ||
| Sure, you should, everyone should be free. | ||
| But it's also not good to give the oppressed so much power. | ||
| That they can just run rampant over everyone else and everybody has to like adhere to their rules. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they were at one point in time a part of an oppressed class. | ||
| And I think that's the overcorrection that we're talking about with like the trans stuff. | ||
| The problem is today it can be pushed in a way that's so different than when we were kids. | ||
| When we were kids, if you were a gay guy, you became a priest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you have a gay guy in high school that became a priest? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we did. | |
| And he's not a pedophile. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| No, our guy wasn't a pedophile unless he turned into one. | ||
| But when I knew him, he was a regular kid. | ||
| He was my friend's sister or my friend's brother. | ||
| Whoops, Freudian. | ||
| My friend's brother. | ||
| They would always talk about it. | ||
| He's going to be a priest. | ||
| So we were in high school riding the bus together. | ||
| I think people even back then were calling him father. | ||
| He was fucking 15. That's amazing. | ||
| He just had it on him. | ||
| Everyone knew he was going to be a priest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend that did it, he's now out of it. | ||
| Of the priesthood or the gayness? | ||
| The priesthood. | ||
| He's still gay. | ||
| Still queer as they come. | ||
| But he left the priesthood, which was weird because we were like, whoa, is he coming out? | ||
| Is he this? | ||
| And he left and now he just said they were changing too many things. | ||
| Like the literal religion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Interesting. | ||
| What were they changing? | ||
| The Catholic Church, my mom, please, she doesn't know how to listen to the podcast. | ||
| Anyway, the Catholic Church changes on a dime. | ||
| Like even something Lent. | ||
| Right now we're in Lent, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| There were so many rules that my mom had that we don't have, like my generation didn't have. | ||
| And now it's a whole nother, like Lent is not, now I'm looking at kids like, what? | ||
| You could do that? | ||
| It's Lent. | ||
| You're not allowed to, you have to do this, this, and this. | ||
| But they've changed. | ||
| They just changed so that they can recruit more people. | ||
| That's why the Muslims are going to win. | ||
| They don't give a fuck who joins. | ||
| That's Ramadan is you got a month and nobody's eating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| All day long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unbelievable. | |
| No water, no food. | ||
| We were in downtown the other day, driving downtown L.A., and there's an alleyway, and this dude was in the alleyway. | ||
| In L.A.? No, in Austin. | ||
| Did I say L.A.? Yeah, yeah, it's okay. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Downtown Austin. | ||
| And there was this dude that was in an alleyway, and the sun was going down, so he was praying. | ||
| Wherever the fuck you are, you gotta pray. | ||
| I saw it in New York City. | ||
| And it's so hard to find a space in New York City. | ||
| So I was like, wow, that is impressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's devotion. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| He was behind a pillar that went into, there was a little bit of room to go into these offices, and he was literally just behind the pillar just doing that. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that is right in Times Square. | ||
| Have you ever seen the one from Toronto? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Remember how wacky Canada is? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was Toronto, right? | ||
| Call to prayer in the street. | ||
| It's bananas. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The street is filled. | ||
| They just do the call to prayer and people just come out of their houses? | ||
| I don't know where this is. | ||
| I don't know why they were there. | ||
| I just saw the video and I'm like, whoa, this is Canada? | ||
| It just seems... | ||
| Canada's a mess. | ||
| I don't know if you've been there in a while. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I know they have health care, but it's not working. | ||
| It's a mess. | ||
| Their president sucks. | ||
| They need some sort of no-nonsense president to straighten everything out, or prime minister, or whatever you want to call them. | ||
| Yeah, the nerve of them. | ||
| Get a better king. | ||
| What you're doing is nuts. | ||
| Every week, there's some new strike on rights and laws and freedom of speech. | ||
| They just keep cracking. | ||
| They stop people from being able to get guns. | ||
| You can't have a handgun anymore. | ||
| They're cracking down on all sorts of different things in regards to what constitutes hate speech online, whether or not they can filter your internet access. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| They're homeless. | ||
| I was in Vancouver. | ||
| Did you find that video? | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| They're in the streets. | ||
| There's thousands of people in the street. | ||
| This is all I can find is this. | ||
| It's part of a news... | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Give me this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is in Toronto. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is in Toronto. | ||
| So this is a protest for something. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Yeah, Toronto. | ||
| But it's still... | ||
| Oh, it's a protest. | ||
| Okay, I thought... | ||
| Even if it's a protest, you get that many people that are doing that. | ||
| There's not another religion... | ||
| That would do that. | ||
| ...that would do that. | ||
| They are so much more devout in their belief. | ||
| Because they're praying. | ||
| Like, the Catholics would just wave a cross in your face. | ||
| They'd do like a half-ass... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And a lot of people would come out... | |
| The Muslims are out there in the street on their fucking knees. | ||
| Fuck your traffic. | ||
| We're praying. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| It's Toronto. | ||
| It's busy. | ||
| And Toronto and Canada, their approach to immigrants was not assimilate And assimilate and become a part of America. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| Become one of us. | ||
| Become a part of it. | ||
| Their thing was like, no, keep your culture. | ||
| Keep your culture and keep it here. | ||
| What if your culture is Sharia law? | ||
| What are you guys saying? | ||
| You know there's parts of the world that are living like the 1200s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that doesn't look like that. | ||
| Like, it's hard to figure out. | ||
| Like, you look at a priest, you go, pedophile, right? | ||
| And then you look at a Muslim, you go, terrorist. | ||
| Like, that's so bad. | ||
| Like, it's not, it's again, it's a small portion. | ||
| See, the thing about, and it's also like our version of it is like, oh, you see them, they're terrorists. | ||
| Well, why? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did we do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What was your part in it, little lady? | ||
| How many bombs have gone off in Yemen? | ||
| What have we done? | ||
| What did we do in Iraq? | ||
| What did we do in Afghanistan? | ||
| What did we do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did we do to deserve this? | ||
| Accountability is lost everywhere in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We are like, what we're doing is so bonkers all over the world with so many different bases. | ||
| We're the only country that has bases ever. | ||
| How many countries does the United States have military bases in? | ||
| Let's just take a guess. | ||
| How many have they had abandoned? | ||
| Let's take a guess. | ||
| Let's take a guess. | ||
| Oh, a guess. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| How many active military bases in how many countries? | ||
| You're trying to see if I'm smart. | ||
| I've seen multiple military bases probably exist in some countries of strategic importance. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But if we had to guess, how many countries have U.S. military bases? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I'm going to guess countries. | ||
| I know there's like so many. | ||
| I'm not smart. | ||
| I'm going to say 15. 15. Okay, I'm going to go a little higher. | ||
| I'm going to say 30. Oh, shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it's probably higher than that. | ||
| How many countries... | ||
| How do you have US military bases in them? | ||
| According to Al Jazeera, the number is not published by the Pentagon, but it is known to be around 750 bases in at least 80 countries. | ||
| 80? | ||
| 80. Because I was thinking of the main ones that I hear. | ||
| 750 bases. | ||
| Imagine if there's 750 Apple stores. | ||
| I think there is. | ||
| I gotta be honest. | ||
| In countries that we like invade and put an Apple store in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We're like, what is Apple trying to do? | ||
| Apple and Starbucks, side by side. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| McDonald's just made it up into the Congo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's nuts. | ||
| 80 countries. | ||
| That is 80 countries. | ||
| 700 plus military bases. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| So, you know, when you see terrorists and you go, why are they mad at us? | ||
| Oh yeah, I never... | ||
| There's 520 Apple stories. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| So there's more military bases in other countries than there are Apple stores. | ||
| Apple, you're slacking. | ||
| Get it together. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| We're a bigger business. | ||
| And people are still talking about Microsoft? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The U.S. military is a bigger business than Microsoft. | ||
| That's why they had to recruit the trans. | ||
| They're like, we just need bodies. | ||
| Get that admiral. | ||
| That fucking dude. | ||
| Put him in a dress. | ||
| Put him in a... | ||
| Make him an admiral. | ||
| Yeah, get everybody excited. | ||
| You can become an admiral if you're a girl. | ||
| You can win woman of the year. | ||
| Give him woman of the year. | ||
| Get a woman in the air. | ||
| Look, I know you're a loser as a guy, but listen. | ||
| As a woman, you're a winner. | ||
| Nobody wants to fuck you anyway. | ||
| Why don't you just pretend you're a woman for a little bit and move up that goddamn ladder, Leah Thomas. | ||
| That's what you have to do. | ||
| Swim it out, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, swim it out. | ||
| But that's the world we're living in. | ||
| And then also you have China. | ||
| Which is so much more clever than the United States. | ||
| They've been around and they've thrived economically for 4,000 years. | ||
| So China has been infiltrating all of our education systems, infiltrating, buying up stock and businesses, buying up land. | ||
| They have their fucking tentacles in the entire system. | ||
| In this country. | ||
| And they run the most addictive social media app. | ||
| Adam Curry has said this best. | ||
| He's the original podfather. | ||
| He's the first podcaster. | ||
| The guy from MTV. Remember Adam Curry? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No Agenda podcast. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| But Adam pointed it out. | ||
| He's like, this is the only time where there's been a thing that the United States makes where China dominates in what is ordinarily thought of as a creative thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like tech things. | ||
| For a social media app, TikTok's the most addictive. | ||
| And he thinks that all of this attacks on TikTok. | ||
| He's like, they're not doing anything different than we're doing. | ||
| He goes, all the attacks is all just really designed to shut out the competition or break it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then make other countries like China, if they have an app like TikTok, you have to sell to America. | ||
| And then you're going to keep doing the same thing, but now we'll have the data. | ||
| We don't want the data in those other people that are shifty. | ||
| We want it in our shifty people. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| We're going to keep an eye on you and use your microphone and look at all your fucking text messages that you send to your friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Check your memes folder for fucking dangerous things. | ||
| See how much makeup you really have. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| This guy in Belgium, they sentenced him to a year in jail because he's been sharing racist memes with his friends in a private chat. | ||
| And then we went and saw the memes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're like nothing. | ||
| Oh yeah, mine got out. | ||
| But I mean, they're nothing. | ||
| They were talking about Nazi ones. | ||
| Did we ever find that? | ||
| We did. | ||
| We showed it on the show. | ||
| See if you can find his memes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I tried to find the page we found again, but remember the one had guns in it? | |
| We were like, maybe it was something to do with the gun. | ||
| Yeah, there definitely was a gun thing. | ||
| But the guns one was like they were in another country taking photos with guns and saying something like we're going to take back our country or some crazy shit like that. | ||
| Well, anyway, they arrested this dude. | ||
| But they're allowed to look in your private chats and then sentence you for memes you send your friends. | ||
| But that's how slippery this shit can get. | ||
| When you give people control over what you can and can't say and then you acknowledge that you're getting influenced constantly by foreign governments and foreign agents that are trying to sow the seeds of chaos. | ||
| According to this, there's no gun charges, so maybe not. | ||
| Just straight racism. | ||
| Racism, Holocaust denial in relation to material shared amongst private group chats, although Van Levergo denies sending the material himself. | ||
| So he was on the chat. | ||
| He was on the chat that got all these things shared. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Let's see what the actual memes... | ||
| I'm trying to find them. | ||
| I've been trying to find them every time we talk about it. | ||
| I can't find them again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's insane. | ||
| I bet Reddit has it. | ||
| 4chan. | ||
| I bet 4chan's got it. | ||
| I don't even know how to look at that website. | ||
| You don't know how to look up on 4chan? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Are you a fake internet guy? | ||
| You know what I do? | ||
| I call Duncan. | ||
| Duncan's on 4chan all day long. | ||
| Hey man, I'll use my burner account! | ||
| I'll ask the guys! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm obsessed with Duncan. | |
| He's the best. | ||
| The greatest human being ever. | ||
| We forced him into being the talent coordinator at the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's how Duncan and I became friends. | ||
| Talent coordinator? | ||
| Yeah, I used to call up and leave my avails. | ||
| We'd have these crazy conversations about Alan Watts and some speech that he gave. | ||
| He's literally the smartest person in the world. | ||
| Well, he's a fascinating guy because he's so uniquely him. | ||
| Duncan, he doesn't change who he is to be around other people. | ||
| He's always been this really odd, kind of hippie guy, but also very objective about things. | ||
| And he'll see people getting sucked into a certain pattern of thinking and be like, hey, what? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| He'll be one of the first to... | ||
| And he's really great at satire, too. | ||
| He's really great at pretending. | ||
| He's really into something. | ||
| He uses Twitter for that all the time. | ||
| If you look at some of his tweets and you didn't know, you think he's serious. | ||
| I read when I go, this is the greatest. | ||
| He did one recently, something about the CIA. He's just fucking hilarious. | ||
| I don't understand how people can't read the sarcasm. | ||
| Because they're dumb. | ||
| I guess you're right. | ||
| But what he's saying, I'm not smart, but what he's... | ||
| You had to survive, though. | ||
| You had to develop some kind of smarts. | ||
| You had all these brothers. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| But laughing at what he's saying. | ||
| Like, it's so bizarre that you know it's fucking crazy. | ||
| No, not if you're one of them Illuminati people. | ||
| Oh, like believes in... | ||
| Everybody's eating babies. | ||
| And they're getting adrenochrome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'm looking for those babies. | ||
| Well, there's a thing. | ||
| If you're on this podcast, there's a certain group of people that will think you're in with the Illuminati. | ||
| They would think that I'm in. | ||
| I'm in? | ||
| I'm here to tell you, folks. | ||
| Me, the guy who has the number one podcast in the world? | ||
| This fucking thing is like, it's all in my head. | ||
| It's all me getting text messages. | ||
| It's all me, like, emailing guys to get them to come on. | ||
| It's all in my head. | ||
| There's no CIA. But that's what I would say, though, if I was a guy who was, like, influenced by the NSA and I was, like, an undercover spy. | ||
| Sort of like there's people that believe... | ||
| So that strip search was normal that I did when I came in? | ||
| I don't know what you got in your posting. | ||
| You gotta do a cavity search. | ||
| That was the thing about the rock and roll movement in Laurel Canyon in the 1970s. | ||
| Eddie Bravo made me read a book on it. | ||
| I watched the documentary, I think. | ||
| Yeah, there's like a crazy fucking conspiracy that... | ||
| The CIA created, like, Jim Morrison, The Doors, and the rock and roll movement of the 60s, all the decadent rock and roll. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's weird connections. | ||
| It's like, you gotta go, like, whoa. | ||
| There are some connections there. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I don't think you can create a Jim Morrison. | ||
| You need to have a guy who's that guy. | ||
| But Jim Morrison's dad was, like, a federal agent. | ||
| Jim Morrison's dad was... | ||
| What was Jim Morrison's dad? | ||
| General. | ||
| It was a general. | ||
| General? | ||
| Wasn't he in the CIA as well? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| No? | ||
| Just a general? | ||
| He was like the one that gave the orders that started the Gulf of Tonkin or something. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Okay, so imagine that. | ||
| So his dad, deep state. | ||
| So that's a connection. | ||
| Military connection. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Rear Admiral. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Rear Admiral. | ||
| That's not what I expected his dad to look like. | ||
| So he's not a general. | ||
| So he's a heavy-duty military man. | ||
| And then his son... | ||
| Goes on and becomes one of the biggest rock and roll stars of all time. | ||
| And like a complete counterculture figure, drugs and chaos and pulling his dick out in front of people. | ||
| Madness. | ||
| Driving a 67 GT500 Mustang in the desert and fucking hair and sunglasses. | ||
| And there's people that think that that sort of image, the rock and roll star, the decadent, depraved rock and roll star image, Was calculated by the CIA and that this was all a part of the same anti-war movement. | ||
| Like, what they were trying to do is stop the anti-war movement. | ||
| They were trying to stop the hippie movement. | ||
| And they think that what they did was encourage a chaos that came out of worshipping these degenerate rock and roll stars that were all drug addicts and saying crazy shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you're taking away his talent? | ||
| No, but you're not, though. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| You're essentially saying that they promoted that. | ||
| Like, the talent already existed, but they realized, if you can get this crazy, chaotic guy, sign him to a major record label, and then push him everywhere, and have these young kids see this guy... | ||
| Worship this guy with these sayings. | ||
| Worship this weird... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Poems. | |
| The Lizard King. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| This fucking wild dude that Val Kilmer played in that movie. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Yeah, Val Kilmer thought he was Jim Morrison. | ||
| He lost his fucking marbles. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| He seemed like Jim Morrison in that movie. | ||
| But this documentary, this book, is all about that the CIA had a hand in this. | ||
| I don't know exactly what they said he did in it, but this is an explanation of what happened. | ||
| The details of the incident were distorted, perhaps intentionally, between Morrison and the other commanders on the scene, the Pentagon and the White House. | ||
| That night, President Johnson interrupted primetime TV, a very big deal in those days, and told the American public that two U.S. Navy warships had been attacked on the high seas and he was asking Congress for support to counter the North Vietnamese aggression. | ||
| At the same time, Morrison and his staff told Navy headquarters in Hawaii that the radar returns the destroyers had targeted were probably false returns generated by the rough seas. | ||
| Headquarters relayed the information to the Secretary of Defense, Robert McNamara, but he failed to give those details to President Johnson. | ||
| So he held the details back. | ||
| So based on Johnson's testimony that the destroyers had suffered an unprovoked attack in international waters, Congress approved of the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, giving the president the authority to conduct military operations in Southeast Asia without a declaration of war. | ||
| So that was Morrison's dad was a part of that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, the thing is, it sounds super far-fetched, but when you look at what they definitely did with the Manson family, what they definitely did with Operation MKUltra... | ||
| And Operation Midnight Climax and all these different crazy mind control experiments that they did and what they did with the Harvard LSD studies and what they did with the... | ||
| They were dosing people with acid and trying to make them do things and trying to turn them into psychopaths and they did it with the Manson family. | ||
| They got Manson when he was in prison and dosed him up with acid allegedly, taught him how to be a cult leader allegedly, and then provided him with acid and then repeatedly let him out of jail every time he got arrested for things. | ||
| Yeah, because he was arrested a lot. | ||
| Yeah, and someone would step in and say, this is above your pay grade, and he would be out. | ||
| Yeah, and they know that he worked with Jolly West, who was the guy who was running MKUltra for the CIA. So if they were doing that, you think they're gonna leave rock and roll alone? | ||
| No, they probably would do it. | ||
| And then there's also some people now that are saying they were a part of funding the gangster rap movement of the 80s and 90s. | ||
| That was another way to sow discord in society. | ||
| And when society is unstable, You can control people more. | ||
| When society is stable, then they want to go, hey, let's fucking get rid of some of these bureaucrats that are useless. | ||
| Let's fucking clean up the streets. | ||
| That's a stable society with a great economy. | ||
| No, you want things in chaos. | ||
| And so that's the way you stay in power and stay in control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| It was a movie or something silly where they would play in the... | ||
| It was the music. | ||
| There were musicians, whatever. | ||
| They had an album out. | ||
| And in the album, they were putting something to get people to buy certain things or do certain things. | ||
| Oh, subliminal messages. | ||
| They used to do that in movies. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| They would show one frame and said, hungry, eat popcorn. | ||
| Yeah, they would show like a photo. | ||
| Was it a silly Will Ferrell movie? | ||
| It's like drive me crazy. | ||
| Like Ben Stiller. | ||
| But it was getting people to do things. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And I was like, that probably fucking happens. | ||
| It definitely happens. | ||
| Josie and the Pussycats. | ||
| I know it was something stupid. | ||
| A girl group find themselves in the middle of a conspiracy to deliver subliminal messages through the popular music. | ||
| It was so silly. | ||
| A girl group find themselves in the middle of a conspiracy... | ||
| So that was the TV show? | ||
| Oh no, this is later. | ||
| This is way later. | ||
| Josie and the Pussycats was an actual animated show that was on when I was a kid. | ||
| That's why I was thinking it was silly. | ||
| So that's the movie from 2001. Yeah. | ||
| Is that Will Ferrell? | ||
| I don't know if he's in it. | ||
| I just remember it being quirky. | ||
| Oh, I never saw this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| She's my favorite. | ||
| Look, Eugene Levy. | ||
| I love that dude, too. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I watched it because Parker Posey was in it. | ||
| That dude from Schitt's Creek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Schitt's Creek is hilarious. | ||
| You ever watch that show? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| My mom loves that. | ||
| Such a good show. | ||
| She's like, put that shit on again. | ||
| I'm like, it's Schitt's Creek, lady. | ||
| You know what's a good show that I used to shit on for no reason at all? | ||
| Because I just never watched it? | ||
| The Big Bang Theory. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Big Bang Theory is a fucking funny show. | ||
| It is funny. | ||
| It's a funny show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People say it's canned laughter, but I think they did do it in front of a studio audience. | ||
| They did. | ||
| Well, some of it is canned laughter, but that's the case in every single sitcom. | ||
| So what happens is, in any single sitcom, you'll have takes that someone flubs a line or something fucks up and you have to redo it. | ||
| Sometimes you redo it without the audience. | ||
| So you have pickups. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So after the sitcom's filmed, the audience leaves and they say, oh, Joe, you have two pickups. | ||
| Dave, you have two pickups. | ||
| And so you'll just wear whatever you wore in that scene again and redo the scene. | ||
| So you'll do it with no audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't think of that. | ||
| I thought they redo it with the audience. | ||
| No. | ||
| Sometimes they do that, too. | ||
| We did that, too. | ||
| But you don't want to beat the audience up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sometimes if it's just a real quick second take, they'll do a second take. | ||
| We'll do it one more time, folks. | ||
| But if there's like a real pickup or maybe they need a writing fix, like maybe someone comes along and sometimes they'll be watching it live and they'll go, you know, we need a better line here. | ||
| And so, okay, let's get it in post. | ||
| So then they wait until after the show and then they do it. | ||
| So if you watch like an episode of The Big Bang Theory and no one's laughing, And the reason why is because they probably filmed that without an audience. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's part of the process of making a sitcom. | ||
| But it's a funny fucking show. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| And what they're talking about is bizarro. | ||
| We call my nephew Brandon Sheldon because he's like, Sheldon, you know, everything's ritual. | ||
| You have to do it a certain way. | ||
| It's an incredible character. | ||
| But the way he shits on people, and the way he does saying things, and then they'll have to remind him, hey, that's sarcasm. | ||
| And he's like, oh, that. | ||
| Like you people. | ||
| You're so minimal. | ||
| Well, he's also not that competent. | ||
| But he's bizarrely smart. | ||
| Bizarrely overestimates his work. | ||
| So even amongst other physicists, he falls short. | ||
| It's a complicated character. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| I think it's great. | ||
| I think he did a great job with it, too. | ||
| No, it's a great show, but I was watching the other day. | ||
| You know, the reason why I found that show, actually, is a show that I think is even better than that, which is Young Sheldon, which is a Netflix show, which is no audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't seen that. | |
| It's new, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Young Sheldon is about him when he was a little boy, and it's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| It's not new. | ||
| I think there's, like, several seasons. | ||
| Oh, newer. | ||
| Yeah, newer. | ||
| Yeah, but I think there's, like, six seasons. | ||
| I think they started making it after Big Bang Theory. | ||
| Was done. | ||
| So then they did Young Sheldon. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's a really funny show. | ||
| And I was like, God damn, this is about The Big Bang Theory? | ||
| And then we started watching The Big Bang Theory. | ||
| And I'm like, it's a good sitcom. | ||
| And it made me think, like, man, other than Miss Pat. | ||
| Miss Pat, who has a regular sitcom. | ||
| She has an actual, legit film. | ||
| And it's hilarious. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But you have to have the BET app to get it. | ||
| And maybe it's on something else, too, now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What else is Miss Pat's show? | ||
| I see it on BET. So, other than that, like, dude, they don't exist anymore. | ||
| The audience sitcoms? | ||
| There used to be a hundred of them. | ||
| Not good ones. | ||
| They used to be on the WB and the UPN and the fucking ABC and NBC and CBS and Fox and there was so many fucking sitcoms. | ||
| Yeah, I think now everything's about hospitals. | ||
| Okay, you can get it on everything now. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So you can get it on Roku, Amazon Prime, YouTube, Google Play, Apple TV and BET Plus. | ||
| Well, Apple TV is real good about that. | ||
| Most shit you can get, even stuff that's like, you know, I'm watching Shogun. | ||
| Shogun's on FX. Somebody just told me about that. | ||
| I gotta get into it. | ||
| They said it's really good. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| But you can watch that on Apple. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just get it on Apple TV. Apple TV's the shit. | ||
| I love Apple TV. I have that. | ||
| They just turn you into a fucking Apple robot. | ||
| You buy everything. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| You get sucked into the ecosystem. | ||
| And they make it easy. | ||
| Like, you resist, but you're like, why am I resisting? | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| Like, my phone is a remote control. | ||
| You use your phone as a fucking remote. | ||
| And it's a better remote control than the one that's on your phone. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| This stupid thing that the guy programmed. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| This could be a remote? | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| The phone is a remote for Apple TV. It's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| The Apple TV, go back to the TikTok thing, I would see a lot of clips from Miss Pat. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| It's great to see. | ||
| Because then, this is another thing, they'll play clips from TV shows. | ||
| So you're like, oh, what is that show? | ||
| And then you kind of get into that. | ||
| I never watched that whatever show was out a long time ago. | ||
| And then I'm like, oh, I should check that out. | ||
| And you'll find it on the apps. | ||
| So now I'm watching it. | ||
| So TikTok is telling me what to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're definitely moving you in a direction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not bad. | ||
| The thing is, the question is, should we protect people from the kind of influence that can scramble their brains? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because you can't, like, remember when a few years, not a few years, a few months back, all the TikTokers had got a hold of, what the fuck's his name? | ||
| Osama Bin Laden. | ||
| Osama Bin Laden's letter to America. | ||
| And they were all like, oh my god, Osama Bin Laden, he was the good guy. | ||
| Like, America's the bad guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it was like all these fucking... | |
| Fucking Cobra Kai? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this shit? | |
| No, I'm telling you, it's this foreign influence. | ||
| I guarantee you there's some of that that's a part of the accentuating that. | ||
| And then there's also the radical left today that wants to attack everything that's America and thinks that American flags are racist. | ||
| People are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Well, anybody that wears an American flag, they're considered like this, you know, Trump or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hilarious. | |
| It's the left, right? | ||
| Is it the left? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm not good. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a goddamn American flag right next to Missy Shore. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it is. | ||
| I was literally looking at myself like, hi. | ||
| And then I'm looking at Missy's nipples. | ||
| And yeah, that flag is gorgeous. | ||
| See, I grew up, my mom worked for the Philadelphia Navy shipyard. | ||
| So she had rules. | ||
| I see people with flags like bikinis. | ||
| We weren't allowed to wear that. | ||
| My mom was like, that's disgraceful. | ||
| That's not how you wear the flag. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| You couldn't have shorts with it on. | ||
| You had to fold it a certain way. | ||
| We'd drive down the street and she'd see tethered flags. | ||
| Those people are un-American. | ||
| She had to fold it a certain way. | ||
| You had to take it in when there was a storm. | ||
| She is a little crazy about the flag. | ||
| So when I see it, I'm like, oh, I stand up straight because I'm going to get yelled at by my mom. | ||
| So I get nervous. | ||
| But yeah, I don't look at a flag and think, oh, that's... | ||
| Have you watched Cobra Kai? | ||
| But it's bizarre to say. | ||
| I watched it for a little while. | ||
| I gave it up on it for a while. | ||
| Okay, but you see what I'm saying? | ||
| They made Johnny... | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad guy now. | ||
| No, but they made him like he was... | ||
| No, he's the good guy and Ralph Macchio is the bad guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was hilarious. | ||
| I was like, this is... | ||
| And then I'm like, is that really what happened? | ||
| Like, now I'm starting to think it. | ||
| So the Osama bin Laden, people are probably like, fuck, we've all been lied to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because we do get lied to a lot. | ||
| So the second you see one thing, you could be like, see, we're right. | ||
| Also, Osama bin Laden was a CIA asset. | ||
| Osama bin Laden trained the Mujahideen to fight the Soviets. | ||
| He was a part of that. | ||
| So when he turned on America, it was not like we didn't do anything. | ||
| Again. | ||
| We're like a crazy girlfriend. | ||
| Like, I didn't fucking do anything. | ||
| He just fucking left me. | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| It's no big deal that I shot his window out. | ||
| Why'd you guys get kicked out? | ||
| We were just laughing. | ||
| We weren't doing anything. | ||
| We were just laughing and they kicked us out. | ||
| Like, how many times I've heard that? | ||
| I was helping this show. | ||
| How many times have you heard that? | ||
| A billion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easily. | |
| I was so disappointed in Donnell yesterday. | ||
| Donnell was telling me he started his career as a heckler. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Donnell Rawlings started his career heckling. | ||
| He's like, son, I was moving tickets as a heckler. | ||
| He was saying that people would come to see him heckle, that he would heckle the comedians. | ||
| That's how he got it started. | ||
| I don't know how to feel about that. | ||
| That's how he got it started. | ||
| He got his career started as a heckler. | ||
| Our enemy? | ||
| I go, don't you feel bad about that now? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Do you feel terrible about that now? | ||
| I mean, that's awful. | ||
| So how would he move tickets? | ||
| Like, he would go to shows and, like, prove he was better than the comics? | ||
| It's Donnell. | ||
| It's all, like... | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| Gonzo journalism. | ||
| You're not sure what's real, what's not. | ||
| I do love him. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| I love him, too. | ||
| He was looking sharp yesterday. | ||
| He got a three-piece suit. | ||
| He does dress so nice. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes he does. | ||
| He's, like, changed his look. | ||
| He had a three-piece with a tie and, like, a pocket square. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Netflix special in a pocket square. | ||
| My man. | ||
| Slim cut. | ||
| He looked good. | ||
| He looked like he was in good shape. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lost weight. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| My special's on YouTube, so I'm wearing a sweatshirt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But specials on YouTube are great because they're accessible to everybody. | ||
| No, I love it. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| I was a little bit like, like, oh, I should try to shop it. | ||
| And I sent it to a few people, you know, did a little bit of the shopping, but then I was like, no. | ||
| I think the YouTube's the better option. | ||
| It's a great way because you're going to ensure that people will find it easy and be able to get a hold of it instantaneously. | ||
| Everybody has a YouTube account. | ||
| Or if you don't have a YouTube account, you just use YouTube with no account. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| YouTube is like the only thing that will let you watch stuff with no account. | ||
| I knew that when I saw my brother Charlie watching it. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| He can't work Netflix, but he's got YouTube? | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Things like Instagram or TikTok. | ||
| People send me TikTok links all the time. | ||
| I don't have TikTok, so I'm not going to click on it. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Then I would have to sign up or I'd have to watch it on the website. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| I don't want to do that, and I don't want to sign up for TikTok. | ||
| So I don't have it, and so I don't click those links. | ||
| But if someone sends you a YouTube link, it just starts working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| You don't have to have a YouTube app on your phone. | ||
| It just shows you the thing. | ||
| You can go to YouTube from other websites, and it'll be like an embedded link, and you can watch YouTube without ever opening up a YouTube app. | ||
| I don't think I knew that about the TikTok thing, because I do send them to my brother Jimmy a lot, and he doesn't have TikTok, Facebook, nothing. | ||
| You can kind of watch them, but you've got to go to the website and ask you to download the app. | ||
| You're like, no thanks, China. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck off. | |
| Fuck up, China. | ||
| I'm buying all the American propaganda. | ||
| I'm not going to your Chinese website to watch an open letter to America from Osama Bin Laden. | ||
| By the way, I'm going to Google that later and try to find it. | ||
| Want to hear the open letter to America? | ||
| Because they translate it. | ||
| See, the thing is, through AI, one of the really wild things about AI is it can seamlessly translate your voice and even your lip movements to other languages. | ||
| So they're going to do that with this podcast where they're going to translate this podcast to Spanish, German, and what was the other one, Jamie? | ||
| Was it India? | ||
| Was it Hindu? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
French. | |
| I think it's Spanish, German, and French. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| I think those are the three at first. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So what they can do now, though, is they can translate like Hitler's speech. | ||
| So they've got Hitler's speeches that Hitler gave in German. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you get to see it in English, and you're like, oh. | ||
| He sounds like Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't sound nearly as radical as you thought he did. | |
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| He doesn't sound like Trump. | ||
| He doesn't brag about himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He doesn't? | ||
| I thought he did. | ||
| He's not funny. | ||
| Trump is funny. | ||
| Trump is definitely funny. | ||
| He says funny things. | ||
| No one's like him. | ||
| But what he's doing is not like, we've got to kill the Jews. | ||
| That's what I thought it was all. | ||
| I thought it was all like, we've got to exterminate the Jews and kill them. | ||
| When you see those things, those speeches, that's not what he's saying. | ||
| You can't convince somebody just to say it outright. | ||
| You have to manipulate them first. | ||
| So he brought them in. | ||
| He really brainwashed them. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And also, he's methed out of his mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hitler was on all kinds of amphetamines. | ||
| Literally the only... | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| I heard it, but I didn't believe... | ||
| You can see proof of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| There's a video of him in the... | ||
| I think it was the 1936 Olympic Games. | ||
| And he's in Moscow, and he's just rocking. | ||
| Just sitting there rocking. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But see, I'll look at that and I'll think it's the film from back then. | ||
| Footage of Adolf Hitler, 1936 Olympics. | ||
| Some people did say this is sped up a bit, but he still isn't. | ||
| Yeah, whatever, dude. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Dude, I'm doing that now and I'm not on meth. | ||
| Just look at all the other people in the audience. | ||
| They're not moving like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| Bro, that guy's methed out. | ||
| Even if it's sped up, but it doesn't look sped up. | ||
| The guy next to him does not look like he's moving faster than normal at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, maybe he does. | |
| Maybe he does. | ||
| That's creepy. | ||
| Look at the way that guy lifted up his binoculars. | ||
| It looks a little bit sped up. | ||
| Like maybe one and a half speed. | ||
| Something's off. | ||
| You know how sometimes people watch podcasts at one and a half speed? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| I was watching this YouTube video where these guys were watching another YouTube video, but they were watching it at one and a half speed. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that sounds weird. | ||
| And then I realized what they were doing. | ||
| I'm like, oh, they just speeded up to get to the point quicker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was in high school, I got a little bit obsessed with Hitler. | ||
| Literally, I was a bad student, terrible student. | ||
| The only thing that piqued my interest is this creepy guy was able to run five countries, get five countries to believe what he was saying and do what he was saying. | ||
| He was conquering these people. | ||
| And I'm like, this is a real person? | ||
| I was oblivious to everything. | ||
| So I started getting good grades because I was paying attention. | ||
| And my mom was like... | ||
| Just like during the pandemic, she's like, remember when you loved Hitler? | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| No one loved Hitler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was just... | |
| Well, listen, also back then when you were a kid, that was 50 years after the war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right! | |
| Which is like, it just happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you're looking at like your grandpa's age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking serious? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Your grandpa was alive when this happened. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, he was in the war. | ||
| Yeah, so it's like, wait, what? | ||
| This is a real person? | ||
| Like, I just didn't, because it would seem so far away, and then you're like, this just happened. | ||
| Yeah, it seems completely insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems completely insane that that just happened. | ||
| So the point is, now they can take this Osama Bin Laden speeches and they can translate that into English. | ||
| Do you use AI for anything else? | ||
| I don't use it. | ||
| My friend is trying to get me to download this app. | ||
| ChatGPT? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She says it every day. | ||
| Duncan uses it constantly. | ||
| She says it fixes her letters. | ||
| If you hate someone, Duncan will make an audio recording of you praising that person. | ||
| And talking about how you want to go down on her, and I'm not even gay, but there's something about the sweet smell of her pheromones that excites me on a cellular level. | ||
| Anytime anybody is mad at somebody, he will make some ridiculous audio recording, some satirical audio recording of Duncanisms. | ||
| Because it's almost as smart as Duncan. | ||
| Almost. | ||
| To me, I just put him on a pedestal. | ||
| I just... | ||
| Even, like, he would torture me when we were working together, because he's the talent coordinator. | ||
| We called him the Sheik, because he came in after Princess Corrie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh! | |
| He hated the nickname, he hated the whole job, everything. | ||
| Well, he's just a comic that wanted a job. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And he says that, you know, when I was waiting tables at the store, I would be very harsh to comics, right? | ||
| And especially if I liked them, I would fuck with them a lot. | ||
| And he said that he got off stage and I said to him, I don't know what that was, but it wasn't comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, I did not, because Duncan's one of my favorites, but I probably did. | |
| But you did as fun, for fun. | ||
| I probably did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For fun. | |
| We all did that to each other. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| It was part of the fun of performing together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like, what Duncan was, was like this, like, just a completely unique person. | ||
| Like, what are you doing here? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, you should be in an ashram somewhere. | ||
| What's in the box? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Little hobo. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Bring his fucking doll everywhere. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| Someone stole Little Hobo and he replaced it with a better Little Hobo. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was very upset when I heard Little Hobo was stolen because that was like one of my favorite things to watch in the original room because it would do the music, you know, the whole thing. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| Dice would sit in the back and just be screaming. | ||
| It's his favorite thing ever because I was like, you have to see this. | ||
| And then he came in to see it and he's like, like this to Duncan worships him. | ||
| No, it's incredible. | ||
| But Duncan is just a unique guy. | ||
| There's no other Duncans. | ||
| I don't know anybody like him. | ||
| I know people that, like, try to pretend that they're that guy, but that's really him. | ||
| He did call me an old mayor for a while, so. | ||
| Mayor. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| Fucking kill you, Duncan. | ||
| But you were always really good to go to. | ||
| I could always ask you if someone was coming in from out of town, if they were any good. | ||
| You were the one who would give... | ||
| Because a lot of people would bullshit. | ||
| Because they were thinking, maybe this guy's going to get a sitcom, maybe I'll be on a sitcom. | ||
| I'll probably say, oh, he was great. | ||
| It was good set. | ||
| Solid material. | ||
| And I go to you, you're like, fucking hack. | ||
| He's a hack. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| Yeah, he sucks. | ||
| I'm like, wow, really? | ||
| You're like, yeah, yeah, terrible. | ||
| As a comic, I feel like when people ask me, like, hey, so-and-so's coming in from New York, and I'm like, oh, wow! | ||
| Because I don't want to... | ||
| Lie. | ||
| Right, but I'm also, when I was waiting tables, I had no steak. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I wasn't a comic. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So it's like, okay, I can say whatever I want, because I'm in a different field, but now I'm in the same field. | ||
| So what if I'm coming to New York, and somebody's like, she kind of sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, whatever. | ||
| But then be undeniable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I get nervous that it's going to backfire. | ||
| It will. | ||
| It will. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| It will. | ||
| If you talk shit, people will look at you. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| If you watch groups of people that have developed a hater community, that hater community will always target them. | ||
| They'll eventually turn on them. | ||
| Because you've developed a bunch of attack dogs. | ||
| Yeah, but now people, like, in a text thread, they'll ask about people, and, you know, we always fuck with each other in the text threads, and we can be very vicious, and, you know, send horrible shit to each other. | ||
| And so, you know, somebody brought up a comic from New York, and I go, oh, they're really good. | ||
| Oh, that's the new Eleanor. | ||
| Oh, they're really good. | ||
| And I'm like, you go fuck yourself. | ||
| Because now I'm watching people in a different light. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're being a little more lenient. | ||
| Yeah, but there are people that are objectively hacks. | ||
| Oh, and you still see them clear as a fucking, I mean, anything. | ||
| They're just like plug and play. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They like find a topic that everyone's talking about and talk about that topic. | ||
| That topic? | ||
| No unique take. | ||
| Zero unique take, but also sometimes it's internet jokes. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, you're getting away with this? | ||
| Rick Ingram said something about a comic that's getting a lot of press right now, whatever you want to say, for their special. | ||
| And he was like, this is vaudevillian. | ||
| Oh my god, it does go that far back. | ||
| I'm like, yes, that is accurate. | ||
| But I don't try to shit on as many people. | ||
| But I do see it still. | ||
| Yeah, it's sometimes better to keep moving. | ||
| But sometimes you have to be honest. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a problem when you're running a club. | ||
| Oh god, yeah. | ||
| Thank God I have Adam. | ||
| That club is so fucking amazing. | ||
| It's pretty fun. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Last week, I mean, two weeks, whenever I was here, I'm still not off that high. | ||
| Still not off that high. | ||
| And getting to do it with Dom Irera, even fucking better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fun place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I give up all the power to Adam. | ||
| I basically say, look, you know what you're doing. | ||
| You're really good at it. | ||
| You decide who's booked here or not. | ||
| And we talk about it. | ||
| We talk about certain things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When someone hits me up and they're like, this is not the level that we're looking for, it's hard to say. | ||
| What do you say to that person? | ||
| You've lost the way. | ||
| I don't know what you got, but it's not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever you just did, it wasn't comedy. | |
| I don't know what that was. | ||
| But the thing is, it's like, especially if you're in a scene that sucks, like if you're out there, that's one of the things that's the most beneficial thing about the club is that you're involved with a bunch of other comics now. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know, it's a scene of like-minded people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And everyone's kind of doing the same kind of thing, you know? | ||
| And you get to like... | ||
| You get to feed off of each other's success and energy. | ||
| There's a lot of comics out there that do not have access to that, and they get stagnant. | ||
| Get stuck in this little... | ||
| Like, I thought about this job I didn't get a long time ago, and then I saw a person who got the job, and I was like, oh, I'm glad I didn't get that job. | ||
| It was a writing thing, but now they're stuck in that little... | ||
| That's the Velvet Prison. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they can't get out. | ||
| That's the velvet prison. | ||
| It's a bad prison to get in. | ||
| Because you get a good living and then all of a sudden during the pandemic, all that shit got shut down and all those guys were like, oh no. | ||
| And I can't go on the road anymore because nobody knows who I am because I've been working in a writer's room for 20 years. | ||
| And now I'm watching that person try to bring themselves back and you're like, the paddles aren't working. | ||
| And you also have a family now and you have a mortgage. | ||
| You're not a 21-year-old guy on the road where you can just kind of like sleep with two other dudes in a hotel room and crash on the floor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to sleep in the tub because everybody snores. | |
| We did wild things back then. | ||
| I slept in a storage room once. | ||
| I did a gig on an island and they had cots in a storage room. | ||
| It was like canned tomatoes and shit. | ||
| We had a bathroom that we could shit in. | ||
| And then there was nothing there. | ||
| There was no hotel. | ||
| It didn't exist. | ||
| There's so many gigs like that. | ||
| But those, they build character. | ||
| Those are important. | ||
| Oh, certainly. | ||
| You can't do those when you're 50. Certainly build character. | ||
| No, but I will say this. | ||
| I do kick myself in the ass a lot because I didn't start when I first moved to LA. You know, I waited tables 12 years, then left, came back a year and a half later as a comic. | ||
| That's mental illness. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| It's not. | ||
| You just didn't jump. | ||
| But that's weird. | ||
| Like all those years, no interest in it, no nothing. | ||
| That's the weird part because you didn't have an interest. | ||
| No, and I think it was when Freddie Soto passed, that was the jarring moment that was like, what are you doing? | ||
| And he would say it constantly. | ||
| You should be doing stand-up. | ||
| Come on the road. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| And a lot of comics said it. | ||
| But it was because we would fuck around in the kitchen. | ||
| I mean, I'm doing bits in the kitchen with you looking for a stamp. | ||
| Illinois used to always do this thing where I would say, hey, I've got to send a letter. | ||
| Do you have a stamp? | ||
| And she had an apron. | ||
| She'd put her hand in her apron and just start fingering herself. | ||
| And I'm like, are you finding the stamp? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People around us would be like, what the fuck are you guys doing? | |
| I'm like, are you okay? | ||
| And it was just like this running gag that we did for like five years. | ||
| So stupid! | ||
| We get bored! | ||
| You're doing comedy in the kitchen, but we're just fucking around. | ||
| We were trying to find things that would entertain our brains. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But you were always doing it with us, so then you did the pro wrestling, and then you did stand-up after the pro wrestling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a bizarro. | ||
| But it worked. | ||
| Now you're a headliner. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm loving it. | ||
| I mean, probably the... | ||
| I got lucky with, like, going on the road with Dice. | ||
| We only had a few uncomfortable encounters where I had to share a room with him and his ex-wife. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I'd be like, I'm on the couch. | ||
| I'm not listening. | ||
| I swear. | ||
| I've never heard any of this before. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Dice made you share a room with them. | ||
| I'll tell you what happened. | ||
| He was already Dice. | ||
| He already sold out masks to Square Garden. | ||
| It was doing great. | ||
| It was my fault. | ||
| I was supposed to leave at a certain time, and the plane got delayed. | ||
| Not my fault, but whatever. | ||
| So it was like, oh, shit. | ||
| That was the only uncomfortable. | ||
| Other than that, we're in five-star hotels, so I'm spoiled. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I get that little one thing and it was, you know, oh God, what is this? | ||
| Then I go on the road as a headliner by myself and I'm like, oh, this is different. | ||
| Not as bougie, but we're getting there. | ||
| Are you bringing people with you? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| That's why I want to make this like my special. | ||
| I needed to go up because I think that's a great asset. | ||
| Me and Andrew have so much fun on the road because we're such good friends. | ||
| And we fuck around, do those videos all day. | ||
| And so we make the most of it. | ||
| But when you are on the road and you have to use people you don't know, and they're fine, but having your friends is really a great way to travel. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| But you've got to get to a certain level to be able to pay them to do that. | ||
| Yeah, I started doing it before I really could afford it. | ||
| Because I realized at a certain point in time, it's better to have people on the road with you than to make... | ||
| Well, I could afford it. | ||
| Let me correct myself. | ||
| I could afford it, but it cost me money. | ||
| Yeah, you're losing money on your gig. | ||
| Yeah, because I wasn't getting a lot of money back then either. | ||
| So it's like if I knew that the club wasn't willing to pay airfare and hotel and pay an opening act a good amount of money, more than they're getting normally when they would be working at their club. | ||
| So then I started bringing guys on the road with me. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this is so much better. | ||
| Because then we're going out to dinner together. | ||
| We're laughing. | ||
| We're in the green room together. | ||
| We're laughing. | ||
| We do shows. | ||
| We're laughing. | ||
| We go to the airport. | ||
| We're laughing. | ||
| It's a lot less lonely. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It changes the entire gig. | ||
| And it makes the gig a great time. | ||
| And, you know, I'm out there with Duncan and Joey and Ari. | ||
| So they're family. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were having a great time. | ||
| It was a great time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was just fun. | ||
| It was just fun. | ||
| And it just makes the whole thing more of an experience. | ||
| And then you're getting to watch them grow as well. | ||
| And now they're headlining. | ||
| They're doing it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, everybody is moving up. | ||
| And that's a positive. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Everybody's learning from the road. | ||
| But it's also, it's like, just the experience of the job is, we're all like, oh, we're so lucky we get to do this. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| We do that all the time at the club here. | ||
| It's like, well, God, we're so lucky. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| Last night, me and Steve Small were like, we're so lucky to be here. | ||
| We're just in the green room loving it because it's just so great to see. | ||
| It's family. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's family. | ||
| And when you meet somebody on the road, like you go to another city and you see somebody that you kind of came up with or whatever, you're like, hey, you're like a dog. | ||
| Like, let me hang out. | ||
| Let's go hang out. | ||
| No, there's something extra special about being on the road with some friends from a different city. | ||
| Like one guy's working at a local club. | ||
| When's your show over? | ||
| 10 o'clock. | ||
| All right, let's meet up. | ||
| Oh, you have two shows? | ||
| What a pussy. | ||
| You know, like, I'm sorry, I'm still... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But those days are, you know, like, it's hard to appreciate it while it's happening. | ||
| But that's... | ||
| The rarest of rare in the world of occupations because you do a thing that is really fun to do. | ||
| You love doing it. | ||
| And other people get a great joy out of it. | ||
| Like the people go and they feel better. | ||
| And you're doing it with other friends who are also doing it and also enjoying it. | ||
| And everybody's just having a party. | ||
| And you're just making the whole journey just more fun. | ||
| Just a better experience. | ||
| Another fortunate thing is Dice loves doing clubs. | ||
| He can do theaters, whatever, but he loves doing these little clubs. | ||
| So what he'll do is he does the early shows. | ||
| He doesn't like to do two shows. | ||
| So I headline the late shows. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| So it's like we're still getting to hang out and then I'm meeting a lot of cool like locals from different areas so that's a little easier in that like I'm still hanging out with my buddy and then I'm meeting new people. | ||
| That is nice. | ||
| Yeah so I am very very fortunate to work with him. | ||
| Where do you go up in LA nowadays? | ||
| I'm always at the store, of course, but I do the Laugh Factory, the Improv, and sometimes I'll even go do the Ha Ha. | ||
| I haven't done it in a while. | ||
| The Ha Ha is a good break. | ||
| But I love the Ha Ha, too. | ||
| I never fucked with Flappers. | ||
| I think I only went up on Flappers once. | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| I went up once there, I think. | ||
| The Ice House, they say, is all revamped. | ||
| I haven't done it, to be honest, since you were there. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great spot. | ||
| Well, that's where I used to go when I got kicked out of the store. | ||
| I spent a lot of my time with Ice House. | ||
| My fucking nerves with that story. | ||
| Yeah, it was a fun time. | ||
| It was a fun piece of history. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| No, but yeah, we were doing the Friday Night Chronicles or the Ice House Chronicles. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah, we did the Ice House and I did the improv quite a bit too. | ||
| In Provintown. | ||
| But I always miss the hang of the store. | ||
| The hang of the store was always the different thing. | ||
| We had that quite a bit at the Ice House. | ||
| We had a good hang at the Ice House. | ||
| Well, say you built that with your club, for sure. | ||
| The hang is phenomenal. | ||
| The shows itself, great as well, but it's like, that hang is so cool, too. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| But you brought that important, because I do feel like, even if I work the other clubs, I do wind up back at the store, because they have more of the space to hang. | ||
| But, you know, some nights you go and you go, oh, it's not tonight. | ||
| And then some nights you're like, oh, okay, this is like an old, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that was always how it was even back in the day. | ||
| You'd go down there and no one would be there and be like, ew. | ||
| A few haters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And as a waitress, I'd be waiting for eight people so we could start the show. | ||
| So it was fucking rough times. | ||
| But those nights sometimes were like the best. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Everybody would show up and we just hang in the kitchen. | ||
| Well, that's where Holtzman developed. | ||
| Oh, God, yeah. | ||
| Those crazy late night sets. | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| I remember him showcasing. | ||
| He's killing it out here. | ||
| I did his show when I was here. | ||
| I came in a little bit early and I did his show on a Thursday night and the crowd was phenomenal. | ||
| They love him. | ||
| And I realized, I said something a little like, you know, out of control, and then it got a big, I go, oh, this is a Holtzman show. | ||
| Okay, because for a second, I was like, yo, you're not opening for, chill out. | ||
| This isn't a crowd that expects, and then I realized, oh, it's Holtzman. | ||
| And I remember him showcasing for Mitzi, and, you know, she was passing on him, like not passing him, if you will. | ||
| And he'd come in the back, and he'd crush, like murder, and he'd come right in her face, and he'd be like, was that good enough? | ||
| Was that good enough? | ||
| I'm like, why are you yelling at Mitzi Shore? | ||
| And she passed him in the belly room. | ||
| That's where she passed him. | ||
| It was like a whole thing she put him through. | ||
| She really put him through the ringer, but it was great. | ||
| And he just would come in and come in. | ||
| We had so much fun with him. | ||
| Remember after September 11th, she wouldn't let him go out for two weeks? | ||
| Because he would bring it up. | ||
| Bring it up? | ||
| He was going to open with it. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| He did it with the Oklahoma City bombers, bombing, and he did it with... | ||
| The woman who drowned her kids, Susan Smith. | ||
| We talked about the night after all the Harvey Weinstein shit came out. | ||
| I don't know if I should say what I should say. | ||
| Whatever's in the news. | ||
| I'm not going to say what the bit is. | ||
| Don't say what he said. | ||
| But anything. | ||
| Me and Adam were in the back like, they're going to lock the doors. | ||
| We're done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're done here. | |
| I didn't see what he said about Israel after October 7th. | ||
| I was not there, but I could only imagine. | ||
| He did not leave that alone. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| He's a wild fucker. | ||
| And he's putting these road gigs up. | ||
| He's going and doing road gigs and then puts videos up of people leaving the show. | ||
| It's like people getting upset. | ||
| Oh, it's hysterical. | ||
| It's my new favorite thing. | ||
| Because, you know, I had to deal with it. | ||
| And back in the day, they would walk out, can I see the manager? | ||
| It became a thing I used to fuck with Holtzman. | ||
| And you'd see he's saying stuff people aren't loving it. | ||
| And I'd be in the back and be like, can Can I see a manager, please? | ||
| And he, you shut up, bitch! | ||
| And he'd go crazy. | ||
| But it was like a... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I feel like Donnell. | ||
| I used to heckle. | ||
| But it was a bit. | ||
| But it was a bit. | ||
| It was a running gag we did at the store a lot. | ||
| We used to do a running gag with Brian. | ||
| I would say, tell us about your gay son. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's my favorite thing to say. | ||
| But people would say it too early. | ||
| Like, not yet! | ||
| No, you gotta wait on that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| And he would go, I'm proud of my boy. | ||
| That's my boy! | ||
| He would just go into this bit and you're just like, what the fuck are you saying? | ||
| Sometimes he would add crazy shit to it. | ||
| We were at dinner. | ||
| We were at Mitzi Shore's house. | ||
| Art Linkletter was there. | ||
| Eleanor Kerrigan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd put random people in there with bizarro historians. | |
| And then I remember Mitzi used to fuck with him and make him follow certain people. | ||
| So he would follow Tanya Lee Davis. | ||
| I don't know if you remember her. | ||
| Very funny. | ||
| Little person. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I couldn't remember the... | ||
| Proper term. | ||
| And she'd crush, right? | ||
| And then she'd get off, and she had a chair on stage and everything, and Mitzi would be sitting in the back, Holtzman would go up, throw the chair down. | ||
| What kind of shit is it? | ||
| What is this, a circus? | ||
| Who's up next, the bearded woman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He couldn't handle that Tanya Lee was in front of him. | |
| And Tanya knew he was doing it, so she'd laugh too. | ||
| She didn't care. | ||
| But he'd throw the chair down and just yell at Mitzi for booking little people. | ||
| And Mitzi loved it. | ||
| She thought it was the greatest thing ever. | ||
| And Tanya would laugh too, so she didn't care. | ||
| She loved chaos. | ||
| She really did. | ||
| But it was fun to even make it more fun, like a drama. | ||
| Like Tanya's walking away like, what the fuck? | ||
| But she knew it was a gag, so she didn't care. | ||
| And she's killing it. | ||
| She still tours. | ||
| But it's just so funny. | ||
| I would love to put them back together just a bunch of years later. | ||
| Because it's got to be like 20-some years. | ||
| I've been doing this 16 years. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| When you get over 10, it's like getting your PhD. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, 10 years is like you're a real comic. | ||
| I cannot. | ||
| It seems like it. | ||
| I mean, people have done it quicker, but you got to be really obsessed and maybe you have a special talent. | ||
| Pretty lucky too. | ||
| Could be lucky, but it also could be you are used to talking in front of people. | ||
| Like maybe you were in AA. Like a lot of guys from AA became really good comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially in Boston, because they'd go up in front of people and tell stories about being hammered and all the shit they did. | ||
| So now I got to find my car! | ||
| And everybody's laughing. | ||
| And it's funny, but it's sad. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| But it's hilarious at the same time. | ||
| A lot of really good comics started out in AA. Yeah. | ||
| And also, they had a lot of experiences to draw from, because they had this crazy life, but now they're sober. | ||
| So they had sort of a theme when they would go on stage. | ||
| That was like a cheat code. | ||
| And I saw some guys get good really quick that way. | ||
| But it seems like 10 years is the number. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| That's the sweet spot. | ||
| And even then, at 10 years, you're still like, are you any good? | ||
| But you're trying to sort it out. | ||
| You're trying to figure out what it is that you do exactly. | ||
| I feel like that at 16 years. | ||
| Yeah, it takes a while. | ||
| I still feel like that sometimes. | ||
| I'm like, what am I doing? | ||
| Sometimes I just reevaluate my stuff. | ||
| I love to be inspired. | ||
| When I'm inspired, the key is acting on that. | ||
| If I get inspired, if someone really funny is at the club and I see them, I'm like, that was great. | ||
| Now I want to go write. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you got to really like go act on that like right while the inspiration is still while you got that ember. | ||
| Keep it lit and then go with it. | ||
| But, you know, it's like you... | ||
| You always should be fucking with it. | ||
| You're always looking at it and tweaking it. | ||
| Me and Norman were talking about that the other day. | ||
| He's like, does it ever get to Groundhog Day? | ||
| And I was like, not if you're writing new shit. | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| Oh, and he writes constantly. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| So there's always some new thing you're fucking with. | ||
| We do a lot of shows in New York together, and I see him at every show. | ||
| If I'm at New York Comedy Club, if I'm at the Cellar, wherever Mark's on the show, I'm like, this is great. | ||
| No matter what, he's still out there. | ||
| I think the night before he did, he just did a big one in New York. | ||
| Not the Carnegie, because that's where I did, but I was with Tice. | ||
| He was doing a big one and he was like, you know, do I take the subway like a normal? | ||
| And I'm like, take the car. | ||
| Get a nice car or something and take it there. | ||
| I forget what venue he was doing, but it was giant and it was a big deal for him. | ||
| And he's still at the stand the night before, like, doing shows. | ||
| And he's like, well, I'll see you guys after the big show. | ||
| Comedy. | ||
| Yeah, he's so down to earth, which I love because you're still out there grinding. | ||
| And I remember one night I was at the cellar and I was mad at myself because I didn't do a newer bit. | ||
| And he goes, Pussy. | ||
| Like, he didn't even have a blanket. | ||
| I was like, you motherfucker. | ||
| But okay. | ||
| But he's right. | ||
| Like, do the bit. | ||
| Take the chance. | ||
| He's just always on, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when we do Protect Our Parks, he's just like, he's like just a pun machine. | ||
| Half of him, like, you can't even address him because he would just, like, throw everything off. | ||
| You'd never get a sentence out. | ||
| He thinks it in such a different way. | ||
| He really is silly. | ||
| His notes are a clear sign of mental illness. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Those things are insane, right? | ||
| It's like that. | ||
| You can see in his back pocket. | ||
| I thought he had a booty from one side. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| It's just all flat on the other side. | ||
| They're all curved and straight. | ||
| Sweated on and shit. | ||
| He's been sitting on them for years. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| Very strange guy. | ||
| We were going from the stand to the comedy cellar, and so we all piled in our buddy, this guy Greg Stone, also hilarious comic, and we jump in his car. | ||
| He's got kids. | ||
| So me and Mark were like wedged in baby seats kind of things. | ||
| Like we moved them, but we were like wedged, and he's like, is this good for you? | ||
| Always on, and we're just literally on each other's laps, like squished in poor Greg Stone's car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yeah, and then we all did sets at the Cellar after. | ||
| But I was like, I hope he doesn't watch, because, you know, I don't want him to judge. | ||
| Call me a pussy for not doing my new shit. | ||
| But I worry about, because I talk so much shit about comics, that... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, that's why you got to really make sure you dot your I's and cross your T's. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So you can watch my special and you can see that I work really hard. | ||
| And where's the special? | ||
| Tell people how to get it. | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called No Country for Old Women. | ||
| That's a great name. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And it came out March 1st, so it was like Women's Month. | ||
| And I was like, if you don't watch it, you hate women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm just kidding. | |
| Is that March? | ||
| Women's Month is longer than Black History Month. | ||
| Well, we're women. | ||
| Oh, look how they spelled my name. | ||
| No country for old women. | ||
| Do you fucking believe that? | ||
| That's how my name looked? | ||
| Was that on purpose or is it a joke? | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't know. | ||
| We had a windstorm the night before and it blew those letters off. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| How fucking crazy is that? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I did it in the OR. We kept the lights on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We did good. | |
| It looks beautiful. | ||
| The lights look incredible. | ||
| My friend Lexi Shoemaker was the director and she really... | ||
| You see the light on the bottom of the stage? | ||
| It kind of brightens it up a little bit. | ||
| There she is popping the couch. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The nerve of her to do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| It's really good. | ||
| I'm very, very proud of it. | ||
| And I love the name, of course, because I love being silly. | ||
| The name's awesome. | ||
| But you know what it is? | ||
| Because we were talking about women, you know, people say, if you talk about sex, if you talk about this, politics, whatever it is, they do tend to show, oh, she always talks about her, you know, sex. | ||
| She always talks about this. | ||
| She always talks about that. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| And they always say, you're old. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| And I'm fucking fine with it. | ||
| Like, I'm happy to almost be dead. | ||
| Like, I don't know what else you want me to do. | ||
| Well, people are just always trying to find some way to shit on you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're the person on stage getting attention. | ||
| I'm old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In my title. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Deal with it, fucker. | ||
| Yeah, deal with it, fucker. | ||
| All right, Eleanor. | ||
| Am I going to see you tonight? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Thank you, my friend. | ||
| You got more things to tell people? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, the Comedy Store podcast still. | ||
| We're still doing that. | ||
| Comedy Store podcast. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And hopefully What's Up Doc with Jeff Danish will be back where we watch documentaries and reveal them. | ||
| We have so much fun doing it. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| All right. | ||
| Give everybody your Instagram? | ||
| Instagram, EJ Kerrigan. | ||
| And I think it's just EJ Kerrigan across the board. | ||
| Somebody else. | ||
| Yeah, Twitter. | ||
| TikTok. | ||
| TikTok. | ||
| Go ahead, China. | ||
| Get in there, China. | ||
| Get her information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I love you. | ||
| Love you very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, bye. |
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