Jan. 23, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:14:44
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Is there a theme song or what happens? | |
| No, just go on. | ||
| I made it. | ||
| I'm here. | ||
| And it's just like, what a blessing. | ||
| Let me finish this. | ||
| What a blessing. | ||
| Over the years, people on the internet were like, why don't you do Rogan? | ||
| I was like, I don't even know how. | ||
| And I'm here now. | ||
| And I just feel so present. | ||
| And I feel mindful. | ||
| It's going to be a great one. | ||
| Anyway, thanks for having me. | ||
| I'm so happy you're here. | ||
| You too, man. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about doing it fucking a thousand times. | ||
| A thousand times. | ||
| Yeah, and it never happened. | ||
| People thought we had a problem with each other. | ||
| No, we know. | ||
| In fact, here's the deal, Joe. | ||
| Okay, Bobby. | ||
| Not only do we not have a problem with each other, right? | ||
| You've been a really big asset to me over the years, on the phone. | ||
| Like, when I'm in trouble, you call, and you're so helpful, and you've got me through a lot of, like, difficult situations. | ||
| I love you, Bobby. | ||
| We're the opposite of trouble. | ||
| We're in a, like, family. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, people... | ||
| But I just didn't know how to do it! | ||
| Well, I always said, anytime you want to do it, you were like, okay. | ||
| And that would be like... | ||
| But there's no number! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know who to... | |
| Who do I call? | ||
| You call me! | ||
| Oh! | ||
| I didn't know who to call! | ||
| This whole thing is literally booked on my phone. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, now I know. | ||
| I have a guy, shout out to my man Matt, who I contact when I want someone to get, like if I want to reach out, like to Cat Williams or something like that, like reach out to this guy, try to get him on, and that's it. | ||
| And then it all gets booked on my phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Well, now I know, and knowing's half the battle. | ||
| You know what they said? | ||
| G.I. Joe just said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That way, it's like the whole thing. | ||
| I go to Tom's. | ||
| Have you been to Tom's? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's like they have a real production staff. | ||
| There's all these people running around with clipboards. | ||
| I went to Burt's house the other day. | ||
| He had eight people behind computers just typing around. | ||
| What the fuck they're doing? | ||
| E-mailing what? | ||
| Social media, going crazy, promoting arena shows. | ||
| Everyone's going nuts. | ||
| Me, no. | ||
| I don't want that in my life. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| You have a white guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just some average white guy. | ||
| No offense, but you're not, you know. | ||
| With all due respect, Jamie does take the place of at least two regular people, if not three. | ||
| He's great, dude. | ||
| How many people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You tell me. | ||
| I say at least two. | ||
| Maybe three. | ||
| Jamie might take the place of three people. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| What are those? | ||
| These are pouches. | ||
| They're called Copenhagens. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I got these little rogues. | ||
| I like these. | ||
| Is it tobacco? | ||
| It's just nicotine. | ||
| It's not tobacco. | ||
| Yeah, it's the pouch. | ||
| Those are tobacco. | ||
| Yeah, these are tobacco. | ||
| So you have to spit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when I get blisters, I stop. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Okay, when it burns through your cheek. | ||
| I ain't running mine who's telling me that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It made his gums recede. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chewing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But then when you take a break, they grow back. | ||
| It's like a plant. | ||
| Your gums. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, like a little plant. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're trimming it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like a bonsai. | ||
| Yeah, like a bonsai. | ||
| Maybe you get better gums that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I quit smoking two years ago, so it's like, you know, that was tough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
| Cigarettes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I quit drugs and cigarettes. | ||
| Well, you went clean. | ||
| You were clean for a long time. | ||
| 17 years. | ||
| And then what was the first thing you did? | ||
| Well, I relapsed twice. | ||
| So after the 17 years, my dad died. | ||
| And, you know, he died. | ||
| And then my mom goes, selfie. | ||
| So I took a selfie. | ||
| With my mom and the family and my dad was dead. | ||
| And I decided that was so weird that I took a gummy. | ||
| I brought one just in case. | ||
| How many milligrams? | ||
| At the time it was like 10 milligrams. | ||
| But then I had other stuff in my mom's house. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I took the rest. | ||
| And then I relapsed for like four months. | ||
| Then I got sober again. | ||
| And then when things got crazy in my life, I did it again. | ||
| What did you go with again? | ||
| Did you go with just weed? | ||
| Weed and drinking. | ||
| It's fine at first. | ||
| I remember taking edible, going to Hawaii, because I was shooting Magnum PI or something. | ||
| It's fun for a couple of months, but then I overdo it. | ||
| It's like 24 hours a day, and I'm drinking 24 hours a day. | ||
| Andrew Santino was concerned. | ||
| Like one time he knocked on my hotel room and I walked out and I had poo all over my body. | ||
| Yeah, and I was in a blackout drunk and he goes, you had poo all over your body. | ||
| That's a good friend. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Did he clean you up? | ||
| Yeah, he cleaned me up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Andrew's the best. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Well, he was mad. | ||
| You know how he gets mad. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You're covered in shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking bastard! | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, you're covered in shit. | ||
| He didn't abandon you like I would've. | ||
| I don't think you would've. | ||
| I probably wouldn't. | ||
| You would've cleaned it, but you would've said, clean up, and then 10 minutes, I'll see you. | ||
| I would've chucked you into the tub. | ||
| Yeah, like a cold plunge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just hose you down. | ||
| So it got bad and then what happened was Bob Sackett died and then Louie died. | ||
| And for some reason I was drinking and also when I was coughing up blood. | ||
| I had these chunks of curdled blood, like a ball. | ||
| And I had convinced myself that I had fucking cancer. | ||
| And I always go, death comes in three, not that I'm that big like those guys, but in my mind it's like, I'm next. | ||
| And I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, it was fucking terrible. | ||
| But then I got sober and things are fine. | ||
| What was the blood? | ||
| Did you ever find out? | ||
| Then I got an x-ray done, and it's like, it's fine. | ||
| I just, when I smoke so much weed and cigarettes at the same time. | ||
| Oh my god, you made your lungs bleed? | ||
| That's so crazy! | ||
| That chumps of blood would come out. | ||
| Oh my god, that's so crazy. | ||
| And I remember I would cough into it like a towel or something, and I would send it to my ex, Kalilah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And... | |
| Just the photo or the actual... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just the photo. | |
| Okay, okay. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just the photo. | ||
| Yeah, and I'd be like, I have cancer. | ||
| Because if you send her the whole thing, that's like... | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| No, I mean, if you thought you had, like, some crazy disease, like... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Did you see these ladies in Denver today? | ||
| They took a live Ebola vaccine. | ||
| There's not even Ebola cases here. | ||
| It's in Africa, right? | ||
| But this doctor was encouraging people to take this Ebola vaccine just in case Ebola hits. | ||
| Why does everybody want to freak me out? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Why does this lady want to freak me out by taking this thing? | ||
| Who knows what the fuck is going to happen to you now? | ||
| And why does everybody want to freak me out at the fucking possibility of some new disease coming along and killing everybody? | ||
| But Ebola's old school. | ||
| It's a scary one. | ||
| Hot zone. | ||
| It liquefies your organs, right? | ||
| Denver Health Medical Team receives Ebola vaccine. | ||
| The team became some of the first people to receive the live Ebola vaccine for preventative measures in case of a future outbreak. | ||
| The first people? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Wait a minute, is the Ebola vaccine new? | ||
| Did they not have a vaccine before? | ||
| And now they do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What the fuck, people? | ||
| But back in the day when they had it, they just bomb a village, right? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| I don't know what they did. | ||
| I don't think it's that easy to spread. | ||
| I think Ebola has to be spread by bodily fluids. | ||
| It's not airborne. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But they could fix that. | ||
| You think they're Chinese? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit of this, a little bit of that. | |
| And look, now it flies through the air. | ||
| Oh man, if it was like COVID, Like that easy? | ||
| We're fucked! | ||
| But that's what scares the shit out of me, man. | ||
| They keep talking about it. | ||
| These fucking creeps at the World Economic Forum, they all get together and talk about preparation for Disease X. They're calling it Virus X or Disease X. They're scaring the shit out of me. | ||
| Can I just ask you something? | ||
| You know me. | ||
| I don't know much about nothing, right? | ||
| But do you believe that it was man-made? | ||
| Well, it was definitely man-made. | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't say definitely because I'm not really an expert. | ||
| But every expert that I have talked to that examined the virus itself The cleavage sites, the way it skipped all animal forms. | ||
| You can't find that virus out in the wild. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it made a leap to person. | ||
| It apparently has all of the earmarks of being engineered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But this is something that they do. | ||
| This is not like science fiction. | ||
| So when we say that, it's not like we're just making up some story about some lab where they're making viruses. | ||
| No, they fucking 100% absolutely do it. | ||
| And they lied about funding it. | ||
| That was the big thing with Fauci and the NIH. They lied about funding gain-of-function research and Rand Paul grilled them. | ||
| You can watch it on YouTube, and then they lied about whether or not this, first of all, was happening, whether or not they were doing gain-of-function research, and whether or not they funded it. | ||
| They funded it through another organization, so they fund another organization, and another organization funds the Wuhan lab. | ||
| And there's a bunch of labs. | ||
| That's not the only lab. | ||
| There's a shit ton of them. | ||
| I visited one with Duncan. | ||
| We went down to one in Galveston, Texas. | ||
| It's fucking terrifying! | ||
| And I don't know if they're doing gain-of-function research there, but I know they have some of the most deadly viruses and diseases known to man, all with these crazy ventilation tubes, and everyone's walking around in these hazmat suits and shit. | ||
| They let Duncan and I there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Oh, and by the way, we hadn't slept. | ||
| So Duncan and I, this is when we were doing Joe Rogan Questions Everything for sci-fi. | ||
| Duncan and I, we flew together. | ||
| So we had to fly together to go to Texas. | ||
| And both of us got barbecued. | ||
| I mean, we took like 500 milligram edibles and totally missed our flight. | ||
| In the airport. | ||
| We were just talking for like hours. | ||
| Like, oh my god, what time is it? | ||
| Like that bad? | ||
| And they're like, this flight's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The flight's gone. | |
| Like, oh no. | ||
| So the next flight we had to take place was like 5 in the morning. | ||
| And it got us there right before we were supposed to film. | ||
| So we literally stayed up all night. | ||
| I think we got a hotel for one hour. | ||
| I think we actually got a hotel for one hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we flew, woke up in the morning, and just got in the car, rather, and just went straight to this lab. | ||
| So we're delirious. | ||
| We're still probably high. | ||
| And we're in this crazy bio lab where they have Ebola. | ||
| They have everything. | ||
| You name it, they've got it. | ||
| Everything that kills everybody. | ||
| And it's all these big, thick, plexiglass walls. | ||
| You're like, oh my god. | ||
| The guy was freaking me out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And me and Duncan were both like, oh my god, dude! | ||
| Are you in a suit too? | ||
| Are you in a suit? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| We only went into the administrative offices. | ||
| They did not let us onto the floor. | ||
| We didn't go anywhere near any diseases. | ||
| They just let us through the office. | ||
| But the doctor scared the fuck out of me. | ||
| Because what he was saying to me is, because our piece was all on bioweapons. | ||
| And one of the things, I interviewed this guy who was formerly from the Soviet Union. | ||
| I believe it's the Soviet Union. | ||
| It might have been Ukraine. | ||
| I think it was Soviet Union. | ||
| And when he left, he was saying that they at one point in time had literal vats of anthrax. | ||
| Just like a giant fucking swimming pool filled with anthrax. | ||
| He said they had so much of it. | ||
| Bioweapons were a big part of the strategy. | ||
| If everything goes fucked, if we just decide to start killing each other, if we decide to start nuking each other, that was one of the things they were going to do. | ||
| Did they use Anthrax and NOM? I don't believe so. | ||
| What's Agent Orange? | ||
| The same thing? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Agent Orange is a defoliation. | ||
| It's Agent Orange that would spray on the plants so they could find the people in the jungle. | ||
| Is it orange? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Like if I saw it? | ||
| Right, that's a good question. | ||
| Why orange? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why not yellow? | ||
| I don't know what it looks like. | ||
| There's another word for it, right? | ||
| What was the other word for Agent Orange? | ||
| It was like a technical term. | ||
| Because if they use it in Vietnam, they should just call it Agent Yellow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Cut that out! | ||
| I've always said that Asian people take jokes better than anybody. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| All emojis are yellow. | ||
| No one complains. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| They don't complain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yellow thumbs up, yellow smiley face guy, yellow girl. | ||
| Everyone's yellow. | ||
| No one complains. | ||
| People... | ||
| Get mad at me because I allow comics to do Asian accents in front of me, and I laugh at it because I think it's funny, but then people think that I'm like a, you know, like an Uncle Chang, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| No. | ||
| Listen, first of all, those people are all your friends. | ||
| And friends mock each other all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| My friends mock me for being short. | ||
| They mock me for being bald. | ||
| They mock me for being old. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| If they mock me for being... | ||
| See, the thing is, mocking me for being Italian, it doesn't work. | ||
| Like, no one cares. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's not a bad one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's why you can call Italians guineas, and nobody gives a shit. | ||
| They'll call each other guineas, you can call them guineas, no one cares. | ||
| Because people don't really hate Italians. | ||
| They find them annoying, like the gold chain ones, those guys. | ||
| Some of them are a little, but that's also part of the flavor of that culture. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| But Asian hate is a different kind of hate. | ||
| Because Asian hate, like, legitimately people will walk up to Asian people and punch them after COVID. Oh yeah, I saw it. | ||
| It's fucking wild. | ||
| Wild, yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's just strict racist hate, walking right up to someone and punching them. | ||
| Like an old man. | ||
| Old men, old ladies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| And they don't even know what kind of Asian it is. | ||
| It could be someone from the Philippines. | ||
| It could be someone from China. | ||
| They have no fucking idea. | ||
| They're just hitting people. | ||
| It was fucking terrible, yeah. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That shit's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when it comes to comedy, like back in the day, you're backstage with a bunch of comics. | ||
| We see all kinds of fucked up shit. | ||
| We try to make each other laugh, and it's hard to make us laugh. | ||
| Or shock. | ||
| Yeah, or shock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Well, shock to make you laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The shocking thing is just to go, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How many times are we in the green room and Joey Diaz will say something like, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| And we're on the ground laughing. | ||
| But that's what he's trying to do. | ||
| He's not a bad person. | ||
| He's trying to make you laugh. | ||
| And then we do it, you know, publicly around, you know, on podcasts and stuff, and people just get fucking crazy. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's like being around any person that's used to a certain thing. | ||
| Have you ever been around soldiers, especially special operator guys, Navy SEAL type dudes? | ||
| They get a couple of drinks and they start talking war stories. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| They're funny. | ||
| They're funny stories about people getting blown up. | ||
| They have funny stories about it. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| You can't bring that up at the fucking PTA meeting. | ||
| You have to be around like-minded people that understand those kind of experiences to be able to talk about them. | ||
| Cops, some of the cops I know have the most fucked up senses of humor. | ||
| They've seen so much. | ||
| They need a release valve, man. | ||
| They need fucking something to let out all the gunshot victims and all the deaths and highway, all the things they see, man. | ||
| They see so much. | ||
| Also, these port cities back in the day, right? | ||
| You'd have different races and stuff, and they didn't speak the language. | ||
| And the way they would connect is make fun of each other and people's accents. | ||
| You bonded that way. | ||
| But that was the nicest thing they could do to each other back then. | ||
| Those poor cities were just filled with violence. | ||
| Yeah, probably, yeah. | ||
| Violence. | ||
| It's all gangs in New York. | ||
| That's what it was like, man. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| When people came here from other countries, like my ancestors came here, or my grandparents came here in the 1920s. | ||
| They came from Italy, and on my father's side they came from Ireland. | ||
| One from Ireland, he was from Ireland, the mother's from Italy. | ||
| They're all immigrants. | ||
| Everybody's an immigrant. | ||
| Those people that came to that place, they all were so wild. | ||
| They were willing to get on a boat with their kids and travel across the ocean. | ||
| You didn't know if you had a job. | ||
| You didn't know what it looked like. | ||
| You had to look at a drawing of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, somebody had to tell you. | ||
| You had to get a letter from Uncle Pete. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I made it to America. | ||
| I got a job in the shipyard. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I'm making, you know, 50 bucks a month. | ||
| And then they're like, oh, 50 bucks a month. | ||
| And then they get in their boat with their babies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those were wild people. | ||
| And like the Chinese, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They had three options. | ||
| I could do laundry, right? | ||
| Dynamite Detail Railroad, right? | ||
| Opium Den. | ||
| Restaurant. | ||
| Oh, restaurant! | ||
| I'm Opium Den. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back in the day? | ||
| Yeah, you would be a cool Opium Den. | ||
| I would have the best one. | ||
| Yeah, you'd play with Bobby Lee's. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'd lay them down on a nice, like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Felt mattress. | ||
| Oh, you'd have cool lighting. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have great lighting. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ride the dragon. | ||
| Ride the dragon. | ||
| I would stick it in their mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Light it for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| And then touch their head as they're going over. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just like, oh. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like in that movie, Once Upon a Time in America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| De Niro was like fucked up on opiates. | ||
| Everybody got fucked up on it once you did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They get fucked up. | ||
| That's what's wild about social media. | ||
| Social media is addictive and it doesn't even feel good. | ||
| Opium, at least you feel great! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You feel great! | ||
| Look at all these dudes in an opium den. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Mine would look so much better than that. | ||
| I had Peter Berg on. | ||
| You know, Peter Berg did that. | ||
| You know, he's amazing. | ||
| He's done a million things. | ||
| That guy's the shit. | ||
| But he did that Netflix series, Painkiller. | ||
| The one on the Sackler family. | ||
| Didn't see it. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| The opioid crisis. | ||
| But he told me that he tried it once. | ||
| He said, I tried I tried OxyContin once, recreationally, and he was like, oh my god, get this the fuck away from me. | ||
| He goes, it was great. | ||
| It just makes you feel so good. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| That's the problem with those goddamn things. | ||
| Well, when I was on MADtv and I relapsed, because at 13 years I got on MADtv, I got addicted to Vicodin. | ||
| And I was taking like 30 or 40 a day. | ||
| And when I got off of that shit, dude, it was the worst detox I've ever fucking felt. | ||
| And then I had to do a Connie Chung sketch on Mad. | ||
| Two days into fucking detoxing, and I shit my pants on camera. | ||
| And they didn't air it. | ||
| Because you shit your pants? | ||
| Yeah, I went, good evening, I'm Connie. | ||
| Played Connie Chung. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm shaking. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Good evening, I'm Connie. | ||
| As I said Connie, I pooed, and I had stockings, and then I had a wardrobe wipe it. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| It was fucking terrible. | ||
| It was fucking terrible. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| And I got sober then, but it's like, yeah, if I get it, opiates are the worst. | ||
| What other job can you do that? | ||
| And they're like, just clean him up. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| And McDonald's? | ||
| You're out. | ||
| You're out. | ||
| You're gone. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We try to finish. | ||
| You're working for Apple? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a wrap. | |
| That's a wrap. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Even on stage- You're in the Genius Bar and you shave your pants. | ||
| That's it, Bobby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No more. | ||
| Even on stage, you can go to a guy and go, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In comedy, you don't get fired for that. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| If you did that at Jamba Juice, you're done. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I remember you telling me a story how you had been up all night and you got back to MADtv. | ||
| You had to get there for something. | ||
| Was it a table read or what? | ||
| You had a giant knife on you. | ||
| You're super paranoid and tweaking. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| He said you were carrying like a Bowie knife. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes a Klingon, one of those guys that love Star Trek, he's got a Klingon knife. | ||
| How pink was it? | ||
| It was like this long. | ||
| I still have it by my bed, right? | ||
| And I was sticking right here, right? | ||
| And an open Hawaiian shirt. | ||
| And I was breaking out. | ||
| That's what it looks like? | ||
| That's what it looked like, yeah. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| That is actually pretty dope. | ||
| That's what Klingons would carry around? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| They have spaceships, so they still need knives. | ||
| It seems like you don't have a better weapon. | ||
| I never thought of it that way. | ||
| Well, first of all, they didn't even have the fucking internet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's the dumbest show ever. | ||
| And they had walkie-talkies. | ||
| They hadn't even figured out phones yet. | ||
| I never thought of it that way. | ||
| Like, Kirk out. | ||
| Click. | ||
| You'd have to hang out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You'd have to hang out. | ||
| You would think they would have like a... | ||
| Nothing! | ||
| Yeah, something. | ||
| But yet they could beam you up. | ||
| You literally take your body and reconstitute it. | ||
| It's still a good show. | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| It's still a good sci-fi show. | ||
| Listen, I love Star Trek. | ||
| Next Generation? | ||
| No, first one. | ||
| The real one. | ||
| The old one. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I'll back up. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| You're wrong. | ||
| I'm not wrong. | ||
| Can I just say something? | ||
| I can't be wrong for liking something. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| I think that you're misinformed. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Because, and do me a favor, season five... | ||
| No. | ||
| I know, but can I just... | ||
| Just open your heart. | ||
| It's open. | ||
| Okay, so may I say what I'm gonna say? | ||
| Right. | ||
| May I? Yes, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Season five. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Second to the last episode. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The episode's called Inner Light. | ||
| I'm not gonna watch it. | ||
| I'm not asking you to. | ||
| I'm not asking you to. | ||
| But I'm asking your fans to check it out. | ||
| They're gonna yell at me. | ||
| That episode is the greatest piece of sci-fi ever filmed. | ||
| And Adam Egott hated Star Trek. | ||
| I forced him to watch this episode. | ||
| He watched every episode after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, I'll watch it. | ||
| It's a great episode. | ||
| Okay, I will watch it. | ||
| Okay, thank you. | ||
| Now I changed my mind. | ||
| I will watch it. | ||
| See, your heart was open. | ||
| It looks interesting. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It looks interesting because he's walking around in church. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| See what he's got to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Maybe he's on a vision quest. | ||
| No, the concept is great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I like the old one just for nostalgic purposes, because I'm old. | ||
| And because when I was a kid, that was on television. | ||
| I remember watching Star Trek, Captain Kirk, like, oh my god, he's the coolest. | ||
| Yeah, it was the best. | ||
| You know, and it was also, it's so corny. | ||
| Like, if you watch it today, It's gone to this point where it becomes funny. | ||
| It's parody. | ||
| There's a scene where Captain Kirk has a fight with a lizard man on a planet. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| It's the dumbest fight scene ever. | ||
| It's right up there with the six million dollar man versus Bigfoot. | ||
| That's the dumbest one. | ||
| But this one's pretty dumb. | ||
| Look how handsome he was. | ||
| First of all, This lizard is so goddamn slow, I would fuck this lizard up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would fuck him up, dude. | |
| Look how slow he is. | ||
| Bro, I would fuck him up. | ||
| I would be leg kicking him right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whap! | |
| Whap! | ||
| I'd take them knees out. | ||
| Oh, what a shitty body kick! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He fights like Brendan Schaub a little bit. | ||
| But all he did is throw him. | ||
| Brandon Schaub was a good fighter. | ||
| You better shut your mouth. | ||
| He knocked out Mirko Koko. | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| He's right next to you and he's not even biting you. | ||
| This is the biggest pussy lizard of all time. | ||
| He's not even biting! | ||
| He's not biting! | ||
| The neck is right there. | ||
| He's got a giant mouth full with teeth. | ||
| Easily he could bite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no restraint keeping him from biting. | |
| Oh, that was a good ear move. | ||
| Captain Kirk, he hit him with the ears. | ||
| Oh, he hurt him with the ears! | ||
| So what does he do? | ||
| He runs away like a pussy. | ||
| Now he's gonna throw rocks at him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta hit him in the ear, bro. | ||
| Get close. | ||
| The guy's slow as fuck. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| This is so dumb. | ||
| It hurts my feelings. | ||
| But imagine shooting that that day. | ||
| It's so hot. | ||
| That guy in the lizard suit, oh my god. | ||
| Oh, he's sweating his dick off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's having it rough. | ||
| Because that's probably Burbank or somewhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That totally looks like it could be California, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah, they must have shot it. | ||
| Oh, he's gonna pick up the rock. | ||
| Look how fake that rock looks. | ||
| What's he gonna throw that rock? | ||
| All you have to do is just get out of the way now. | ||
| Don't stand there. | ||
| Look, get out of the fucking way, bro! | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| How casual did he get out of the way? | ||
| Because he knew it wasn't a real rock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember when that guy threw the shoe at the bush? | ||
| This is picture-perfect, terrible acting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Picture-perfect, terrible choreography. | ||
| Everything about it is hilarious. | ||
| Does it end? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He doesn't kill him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He ran away. | |
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| How dumb. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| Yeah, it reminds me of old Godzilla's. | ||
| You remember when Captain Kirk hooked up with that green lady? | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| Would you have? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| I would have fucked the Avatar ladies. | ||
| So if you and I had a... | ||
| The Avatar ladies? | ||
| That lady's hot. | ||
| On Pandora? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It looks blue. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| The one that he eventually winds up with? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| But you know how the creatures connect with the tails or whatever, then they communicate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Does that come out of the vagina, too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think they have a vagina. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I think you just link up like that and you come in your mind. | ||
| Oh, you come? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'd love to come in my mind. | ||
| Who knows how the babies even get there? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Can I ask you? | ||
| They have things over their dicks, so they must have dicks, right? | ||
| They all had loincloths. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I'm 52, Joe. | ||
| I can't come. | ||
| You can't come? | ||
| I come every other time. | ||
| Every other time. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I like edging. | ||
| But how much are you fucking? | ||
| Are you trying to fuck every day? | ||
| Or jerk off every day? | ||
| Maybe you're running out of jizz. | ||
| Maybe you just have a small factory, you know, and you're just demanding too much output. | ||
| No, my factory's pretty big, dude. | ||
| Your balls are big? | ||
| For my size, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but like for normal humans, when you hit 52, like how often are you coming? | ||
| Every other day. | ||
| That's reasonable. | ||
| That's reasonable. | ||
| But when I'm in the sack with a woman, psychologically, I can't do it. | ||
| So do you just fake it? | ||
| I pull out. | ||
| Spit on her? | ||
| No. | ||
| I dim the lights, and I do it back. | ||
| I go back. | ||
| You go back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I go, and I go back to the wall. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| In the dark. | ||
| Oh, and act it out. | ||
| Good actor, right? | ||
| Epilepsy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I go straight to the bathroom like I'm washing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So they can't see the cum. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| You want to be deceptive. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I guess that's not a terrible thing to deceive people about, whether or not you come. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but I feel bad. | ||
| Girls are all guilty of it. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't want them to feel bad like they're not hot. | ||
| It has nothing to do with them. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I'm just being like a nice guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so sweet of you. | |
| I'm super sensitive. | ||
| But it's like, because I was in a 10-year thing and now I'm like single, so I'm just experimenting. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's still fun though. | ||
| Yeah, you're having a good time, Bobby. | ||
| Yeah, I am. | ||
| As long as you're enjoying life, that's what you should be doing. | ||
| You should be enjoying life. | ||
| You know, Joe, may I say? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I am. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Because when you weren't enjoying life, it bothered me. | ||
| It bothered me because I love you, and you're such a nice guy, and you get weirded out by so many different things. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| You were just always paranoid that people didn't like you, and you were always weirded out by stuff. | ||
| Even me and you. | ||
| We hadn't seen each other for six months. | ||
| You still like me? | ||
| I'm like, I love you. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Give me a hug. | ||
| Because we have history! | ||
| Yeah, but our history is all beautiful. | ||
| It's a beautiful history. | ||
| We have history of, we've never been in an argument. | ||
| No. | ||
| We've never yelled at each other. | ||
| No. | ||
| We've always had good times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've had a lot of laughs. | ||
| We have. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Some great laughs. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| We've had moments where I even recall that you probably don't even remember. | ||
| Like one time you and I were at the Comedy Store. | ||
| We're in the patio and Eddie Griffin bumped us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| And we were talking shit. | ||
| So this must be early days. | ||
| Early days. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| 90s, right? | ||
| 90s, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| And then I remember there was a black guy near us listening and he told Eddie Griffin that we were talking shit about him and he confronted us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I remember that. | ||
| And we were like, fuck off, you know what I mean? | ||
| But it was like... | ||
| Because you remember, he used to do hours. | ||
| Yeah, well, he would do three hours. | ||
| He would go on at 9 o'clock, and your spot would be at 9.15, and he would do three hours. | ||
| It was him. | ||
| Dice would do it sometimes. | ||
| Mencia would do it all the time. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, but the thing is, it was kind of the culture of the Comedy Store, in Eddie's defense, is that if you reach a certain level of fame, and at the time, Eddie was definitely more famous than us, and he was... | ||
| I still, to this day, maintain that Eddie Griffin's set on Def Jam was one of the best fucking... | ||
| I don't know, was it 10 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever he did? | ||
| It was one of the best sets I've ever seen. | ||
| He had shorts on... | ||
| Remember? | ||
| And he has so much energy, man. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I was in New York at the time when I watched it. | ||
| I was like, God damn, this fucking dude is talented. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not questioning his skill set. | ||
| But it's the culture thing. | ||
| This is what I was gonna say. | ||
| There was a thing at the store. | ||
| When you reached a certain level of prominence, you were allowed to just do whatever the fuck you wanted. | ||
| And people would show up, and apparently Kennison used to do that, and a lot of guys used to do that. | ||
| But do ours? | ||
| I get it, man. | ||
| I don't agree with it. | ||
| You wouldn't do it? | ||
| No. | ||
| But there's certain guys did. | ||
| Certain guys that are really good did. | ||
| Chappelle did it. | ||
| There's a bunch of guys who did it. | ||
| It was a thing that you were allowed to do there. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| I think we probably all should have talked about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And said, hey, this is kind of crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| I still to this day went to Emily and I go, give me a list right now of the people that are allowed to bump me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She goes, I'll get back to you. | ||
| Nobody should be allowed to bump you. | ||
| If someone wants to do a set, if a famous person is in town, they should ask you if it's okay. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| I never bump anybody. | ||
| But it still happens. | ||
| No. | ||
| I know, but also, it's a thing that was the Comedy Store's mark that you had made to a certain level. | ||
| If you could show up, and some guys would try to get it, they would try to bump people, and I'm like, you're nobody. | ||
| Some people are crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Delusional. | ||
| Yeah, they're like a YouTube person or someone who's on some show, literally, like someone who's on some show that you've never heard of that was on like the WB or something like that. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| There's a few guys that like wanted to try that juice before because it was that thing. | ||
| Like when someone would show up, whoever it was, some Chris Rock would show up, he would just go on stage. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Chris Rock goes on stage when he gets there. | ||
| But he's on the list. | ||
| I have a list. | ||
| Of people that are allowed to buy. | ||
| Yeah, you're on the list. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You wouldn't do it, but you're on it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chris Rock's on the list. | ||
| Chappelle's on the list. | ||
| Bill Burr's on the list. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But then there are people, you know what I mean, that aren't. | ||
| And they do it, and it drives me fucking crazy. | ||
| Well, it's a weird thing. | ||
| It's like you're trying to appease the talent. | ||
| You never know who's really going to make it big, and you don't want to piss them off now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I always told people, be nice to comedy club owners because you don't want to be one. | ||
| That was my advice always to comics because they always get mad at comedy club owners. | ||
| I go, listen, man, you do not want to be one of these people and we fucking need them. | ||
| This is a crazy job. | ||
| You're dealing with maniacs that may or may not take their flight, might show up drunk, might get arrested Friday night after the first show. | ||
| Imagine you're feeding your family based on these fucking maniacs that come in every week. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| I mean, these people are regular people. | ||
| I would go to comedy clubs, and I would look at the office and see the calendar, and it would always say Pablo Francisco with a question mark. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Pablo was a rock. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So it's like, I get it. | ||
| Yeah, look, Pablo is fucking insanely talented. | ||
| He's so talented. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Pablo goes to the basement. | ||
| He gets in there. | ||
| He goes and looks around those dark corners, son. | ||
| He goes out there. | ||
| He goes into the tunnel. | ||
| And I've, you know, I just feel so sad about it, but he could have been the biggest thing. | ||
| He should have been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He should have been. | ||
| That's how talented. | ||
| He should have been huge. | ||
| In the 90s? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Crusher. | ||
| Destroyer and so fun to be around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| Nobody hated Pablo. | ||
| Sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| Sweetheart. | ||
| Every time people were around him, you wanted to hug him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he had a skill set on stage that was like a combination between impressions and act outs. | ||
| And he had everything. | ||
| And funny jokes, too. | ||
| Yeah, funny jokes. | ||
| He had all of it together. | ||
| And just so likable. | ||
| Such a great guy. | ||
| Such a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But yeah, I see that still to the same. | ||
| I was really lucky that the thing that I was into was weed. | ||
| And that the thing I was into made me terrified. | ||
| It made me paranoid. | ||
| It was the opposite of giving me courage. | ||
| It gave me no courage. | ||
| Marijuana was a courage killer. | ||
| It made me feel like courage was foolish. | ||
| You're so vulnerable. | ||
| Life is vulnerable. | ||
| And it made me appreciate people more. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| Do you perform when you're high sometimes? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Do you ever lose your place or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| I take a lot of nootropics. | ||
| That's one of the keys. | ||
| Could I have one? | ||
| Yeah, take four of those. | ||
| That's Alpha Brain Black Label. | ||
| That stuff is the shit. | ||
| I've always, whenever I see a show on your online, I always want to try your little things. | ||
| That's a good one to try. | ||
| And this is, you know, I'm affiliated with this company, obviously, but this is not the only one that I try. | ||
| I'll tell people about some stuff that I have no affiliation with. | ||
| NeuroGum is one of them. | ||
| We always keep NeuroGum in the studio. | ||
| Can I have a packet of NeuroGum when I leave? | ||
| We can have one right now. | ||
| Give me a packet please. | ||
| I'm not gonna do it. | ||
| I'll do it later. | ||
| We should get some more. | ||
| We're probably running dry. | ||
| We go through four or five fucking boxes of that stuff. | ||
| And NeuroGum really works? | ||
| Oh yeah, 100%. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| It's got theanine in it and caffeine and a couple other things and what it does is it enhances your memory. | ||
| It enhances your brain's ability to form sentences. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, well with AlphaBrain, we did two double-blind, placebo-controlled studies at the Boston Center for Memory, and it showed increase in alpha flow state, it showed increase in verbal memory, increase in, I think it was reaction time, but it does something. | ||
| And we did it at a dose that's half of what I take. | ||
| I take four, sometimes I take six, if I'm feeling fresh. | ||
| Like, if I'm talking to a scientist... | ||
| Does it hit right away or no? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| No, it'll take a while. | ||
| If I'm talking to a scientist, I'll take a shitload of them. | ||
| I'll take six. | ||
| Oh, like Lex? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| But I mean, any scientist, like, any time I'm talking to someone who's, like, explaining to me some very complicated things about the universe... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I don't want any fogginess. | ||
| I want to be, like, locked in. | ||
| See, that was one of my fears of doing your show, is science and the things that you guys talk about. | ||
| I know, I'm just saying. | ||
| I was like, I don't know nothing about anything. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I know film. | ||
| I know some film. | ||
| Listen, you're my friend, and we have had conversations thousands of times. | ||
| That's all this is. | ||
| It's just you and I having a conversation. | ||
| Do you remember when we first met? | ||
| Remember when we first met at the strip club in San Diego? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I say something? | |
| But can I just say something about it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think I might be wrong the way you're saying it, maybe. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Let's go by. | ||
| So, you were headlining La Jolla. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I was a doorman. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And I think Diaz was there. | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| Yeah, I think he was there, right? | ||
| I knew Diaz. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he goes, hey, let's go to the strip club with Joe. | ||
| And I was trying to be a host. | ||
| Was this 95? | ||
| Yeah, 95, 96. Okay. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I was a kid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I was enamored by you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Not enamored, but I was like- I doubt it. | ||
| I wasn't even famous back then. | ||
| No, but still, you were a headliner. | ||
| I was an emcee. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| So then we go to the strip club. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And it's deja vu. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I wanted to go like, I'm from San Diego. | ||
| I know the ropes. | ||
| I know the people. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course I didn't. | |
| That's not really what happened. | ||
| No, but we sat there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then there were gang members there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then, I don't know what the problem was, but there was a problem between. | ||
| I'll tell you the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay, there's one of the gang members who's dating one of the strippers. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And when he was over there talking to the stripper, you went over and tried to get the stripper to give you a lap dance. | ||
| And when you did that, I saw the look in his eyes, and I'll never forget, he had long, straight, black hair, this Mexican dude, with tattoos on his face. | ||
| In 95... | ||
| Only two teardrops. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's only two people he killed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| And this is 95. Okay. | ||
| And you went over and I said, Bobby, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I go, did you take a look at that guy's eyes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go, Bobby, these are like dangerous, real people. | ||
| And you're like, oh, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Nothing's gonna happen. | ||
| They ain't gonna do shit. | ||
| I go, okay, I'm out of here. | ||
| So I said, I'm leaving. | ||
| You can either come with me or not. | ||
| And I got up and left. | ||
| I saw where this was going. | ||
| They were getting up, Bobby. | ||
| They were moving around. | ||
| They were thinking about coming over to you. | ||
| And I got us right out the door. | ||
| And you barely got in my car. | ||
| You barely got in my car in time. | ||
| You were dilly-dallying, and someone had to yell at you. | ||
| And then we got you in the car and we took off. | ||
| I go, hey, Bobby, you were going to get a shot. | ||
| Like, for real. | ||
| Well, you saved my life. | ||
| I don't know if I saved your life, but I definitely saved you an ass ticket. | ||
| But also, if she's working there, she's on the clock? | ||
| No, just hear me out! | ||
| No, you're... | ||
| If I'm at McDonald's, right, and some womanically correct... | ||
| I'm technically correct. | ||
| Technically you're correct. | ||
| Ethically correct. | ||
| But she was over there talking to her gang member boyfriend, and you went over asking for a lap dance, and you just, like, stormed your way into their conversation. | ||
| You were going to die. | ||
| Can I just say something? | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| I want to say something, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| At the time, I found this out later, I thought that teardrops meant that he was emotional or something. | ||
| I didn't know about death. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Even if he didn't have teardrops on his face, the look in that guy's eyes, the whole group of them, they were serious people. | ||
| I don't want to make assumptions about people! | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Do you have any self-preservation instincts whatsoever? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| Did you have any self-preservation instincts? | ||
| Why from the suburbs? | ||
| We don't know danger that way. | ||
| We had no homeless. | ||
| We had surfers. | ||
| You should be just inherently like a child sees a dog's teeth and is scared of them. | ||
| You should see that guy growling and go, okay, this is real. | ||
| Joe, I'm 52 now. | ||
| I've never had anything happen to me. | ||
| So I feel like my instincts, right, are on point. | ||
| You're also very likable. | ||
| I'm likable. | ||
| People decide not to kill you. | ||
| I smile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, what the fuck, dog? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that was our introduction. | ||
| That's how we became friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It didn't even fuck up our relationship. | ||
| It didn't fucking know. | ||
| We stayed friends. | ||
| I came to LA and then I think that grew. | ||
| What year did you come to LA? 97 or 98, like in that time period. | ||
| Boy, what a weird time at the store that was, huh? | ||
| The dark ages. | ||
| But it was really good for us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you would go on stage in the OR and it'd be half full and it was like a real good place to fuck around and practice. | ||
| Oh, so the people that did it really did it because there was no light at the end of the tunnel. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| I think the store goes through eras, and it had gone through the Kinison era, and when Kinison died, I think there was a big drop-off. | ||
| It was terrible times. | ||
| On a Saturday night in the OR, they couldn't start the show without four people being in the audience, and there would be sometimes no show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On a Saturday fucking night. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| It was crazy, dude. | ||
| But then it came back. | ||
| It came back when the internet came around. | ||
| It came back in the early 2000s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it came back. | ||
| And I reaped the reward. | ||
| I'm so glad it didn't quit. | ||
| Yeah, I'm so glad you didn't quit, too. | ||
| Yeah, I saw, dude, I saw some crazy... | ||
| I saw one time at two in the morning. | ||
| I was working the door there. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And I saw people in purple robes go up into the belly room. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| With candles. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So, you know how you can sneak up to the belly room through the green room with those offices and stuff, right? | ||
| Were they supposed to be up there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I'm not lying. | ||
| This is the 90s? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Right? | ||
| I peek through, they formed a circle, and they had candles up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| No, no, no, no, no baby eating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'd have to report that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay? | ||
| And they were doing seances. | ||
| The comedy store, if any place is haunted, the comedy store is haunted. | ||
| They were trying to seance Andy Kaufman's ghost. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And when I went back downstairs, the people that went with the robes, they came back down and they were in their regular clothes. | ||
| Lily Tomlin, Bob Zamuda. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I saw it with my own eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get a little high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Someone comes up with an idea. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Why do we have to wear the robes? | ||
| Because it'd be fun. | ||
| And then you get into the candles. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| It sounds like something me and Duncan would do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nice robes, probably, too. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Lily Tom would. | ||
| I mean, she's not going to wear some bullshit robe. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Have some respect. | ||
| Speaking of Duncan, when I got sober, when I had that 17-year chunk, and anyone out there listening, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I needed to get all my drugs out of my house. | ||
| So he was the only one that could do it. | ||
| So when I called him, he came out of my house in five minutes. | ||
| He cleaned out my apartment in like 20 minutes, and then he made me a fish dinner. | ||
| Aww. | ||
| And then he took all my drugs and went away. | ||
| But I want to... | ||
| Duncan, if you're listening, thank you for that. | ||
| Duncan's the man. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We lived together once for a while. | ||
| Where? | ||
| In my house. | ||
| For six months. | ||
| In Austin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
In California. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He got kicked out of his apartment. | ||
| Or the house. | ||
| He was dating this lady, and she got tired of him, playing video games all day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he calls me up. | ||
| He goes, dude, I don't know what to do. | ||
| I'm in a hotel. | ||
| She kicked me out. | ||
| I go, come live with me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got this big ass house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So Duncan lived with me for like six months. | ||
| And I had a sensory deprivation tank in the basement. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Duncan would go down the basement and trip balls and sort his life out. | ||
| Was he messy? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, Duncan was a great roommate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He was awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you have to kick him out or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He eventually got back on his feet again. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, we had a great time. | ||
| Like, he had stayed there for years. | ||
| We had a wonderful time. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| It was like, Duncan's one of my best friends. | ||
| So, like, having one of my best friends in my house. | ||
| And the house is big, so it's not like we were on top of each other. | ||
| I could be way the fuck... | ||
| The phone didn't even work in the whole house. | ||
| I'd have to transfer phones to go to other parts of the house. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a big-ass house. | ||
| So if Duncan's over in that side, I'm on over in this side, we're not even in each other's hair. | ||
| Didn't even bother each other. | ||
| So it was really cool, man. | ||
| It was cool having meals with him, hanging out with him. | ||
| So for like six months, we were roommates. | ||
| And to think that he was not even a stand-up at one point, he was the talent coordinator. | ||
| Well, he was a stand-up. | ||
| He was trying to do stand-up when he was the talent coordinator. | ||
| We became friends because I would call up and give my veils, and then we would have crazy conversations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, did you see this thing with Ram Dass? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he looked at his place. | |
| And we would talk about UFOs, Bigfoot and shit. | ||
| That's why when the Joe Rogan Questions Everything show, that's why I did it with him. | ||
| He's the perfect guy to do this with. | ||
| And Ari, too. | ||
| Ari did some of the episodes as well. | ||
| But Duncan was always trying to do stand-up. | ||
| He was just unorthodox in his approach. | ||
| But then he got good. | ||
| Like that fucking doll. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Little Hobo is one of the best sets, one of the best bits I've ever seen. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| She did it the other night at the mothership. | ||
| Oh, did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| He's got a new Little Hobo, too. | ||
| Somebody stole Little Hobo. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, some piece of shit stole a little hobo. | ||
| A little hobo was like an antique doll, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't remember how someone stole it. | ||
| No, but where do you get another little hobo? | ||
| Oh, you go on eBay. | ||
| Oh, you can get little hobos on eBay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| The new one he's got is creepy as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| I want to get a little hobo. | ||
| Yeah, you can go online and get antique puppets. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's thousands of dollars probably. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Is that the new Little Hobo? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's cute. | ||
| He's fucking creepy. | ||
| He lives here now, right? | ||
| Yeah, Duncan lives here. | ||
| Everyone's asking me to come. | ||
| You should come. | ||
| I know you're talking shit about moving to Austin, but listen. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Yeah, you did. | ||
| I watched the video. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Don't lie. | ||
| You did. | ||
| I'm not fucking moving to Austin. | ||
| I don't leave my neighborhood. | ||
| I don't go to Compton. | ||
| I stay right here. | ||
| Could I say something? | ||
| What? | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| No, no, you know what, man? | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| What? | ||
| Listen, you have to understand what you guys did. | ||
| What did we do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys took half of the talent out. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So I was just butthurt. | ||
| We brought another bunch in too. | ||
| Like Shane Gillis lives here. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know he does now. | ||
| We're doing great. | ||
| I know you guys are killing it. | ||
| We're having so much fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I went to the club last night. | |
| Come move here. | ||
| I know, but you're more than... | ||
| Paulie's thinking about it. | ||
| Paulie's here a lot. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Paulie was just here the other day. | ||
| Theo's thinking about it. | ||
| Theo's thinking about it. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| They're all just worried that people go, Oh, you moved there to suck on Rogan's nuts. | ||
| I would never suck your nuts. | ||
| I don't ask. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| If you did, it would be a problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be like, why are you doing this? | ||
| I'd have to be asleep. | ||
| Would you hurt me? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, we weren't camping. | ||
| If I woke up and you were sucking my ass, I wouldn't hurt you. | ||
| What? | ||
| I would yell at you. | ||
| I wouldn't hurt you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be like, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| That felt good. | ||
| I was in the middle of a dream. | ||
| What if I was in the middle of a sex dream and you sucked my nuts and I came? | ||
| I would be so mindful, too. | ||
| Bro, that would be a real problem for the rest of my life. | ||
| The hardest I ever came. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| I was sleeping. | ||
| I was having a sex dream. | ||
| Bobby Lee was sucking my nuts. | ||
| I don't know why he was doing it. | ||
| It was just for fun. | ||
| I've sucked nuts before, but like, you know. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah, me and Santino will maybe talk about it. | ||
| Listen, man, it's a great place to live. | ||
| It's a great place tax-wise. | ||
| It's a great place traffic-wise. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| The most important thing is people-wise. | ||
| The people here are so friendly. | ||
| Austin people are great people. | ||
| They're really nice. | ||
| They're not shitheads. | ||
| They're not Hollywood people. | ||
| They're not lost in this fake world of leftist ideology that everybody's trapped in. | ||
| They're just people. | ||
| They're just regular people, man. | ||
| And those people exist outside of these These blue bubbles where everyone's gone insane. | ||
| Well, I used to be a part of the blue bubble. | ||
| I was 100% a left-leaning person who lived in Los Angeles. | ||
| I was 100%. | ||
| I never voted Republican my whole life. | ||
| I was very left-leaning, especially with any social issues. | ||
| When it comes to financial things, I'm a little bit more conservative, but at the end of the day, way more left than I am right. | ||
| But California went nuts, man. | ||
| It's gone like full communist. | ||
| It's out of its fucking mind. | ||
| And their approach to law enforcement is so insane. | ||
| It's so insane. | ||
| The no cash bail, the letting people out for committing violent crimes, the fucking not stopping people for stealing up to whatever money it is. | ||
| What is it, $900 now? | ||
| I think they raised it. | ||
| I think they made it a little higher. | ||
| San Francisco is non-existent. | ||
| San Francisco, most of San Francisco is emptied out of like big chain stores and big department stores. | ||
| I won't even do stand-up there anymore. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They ruined it. | ||
| They ruined the city. | ||
| You can bring it back. | ||
| The structure's still there. | ||
| But you'd have to have some hardcore Rudy Giuliani type motherfucker to come in there and knock heads. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And nobody wants that. | ||
| Nobody wants that. | ||
| They're peace, love, and granola and fucking wear a mask. | ||
| I'm in the middle now. | ||
| I'm in the middle. | ||
| I'm in the middle. | ||
| I never thought I would ever say that. | ||
| Never. | ||
| It only happened in this last year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| I just went, I can't do it anymore. | ||
| People that you thought were aligned with you are now mad at you about shit. | ||
| They're in a cult. | ||
| They're in a cult. | ||
| It's got all... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Mark Andreessen, who's a brilliant venture capitalist guy, explained it to me in very clear terms. | ||
| Like what the definition of a cult is, how you can get excommunicated, how you get shamed for having differing opinions, the group think, the whole... | ||
| He's like, it's a cult. | ||
| And he's right. | ||
| He's 100% right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's just hard to say because then people in the cult will attack you. | ||
| But they're not attacking you for a reasonable... | ||
| It's not logical, the way they're attacking you. | ||
| They're attacking you like someone attacks religious beliefs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some of these religious beliefs, it gets into these weird gray areas, like trans people in women's bathrooms. | ||
| Like, says who? | ||
| Says who? | ||
| How do you know that's a real trans person? | ||
| How do you not know that's a fucking creep that wants to pull his dick out in front of kids? | ||
| Because those are real. | ||
| We spa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if that guy was a convicted sex offender. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was doing that. | ||
| Look, those guys are real. | ||
| It doesn't mean trans people aren't real also, but those guys are fucking real. | ||
| And to even say that those guys are real, you get excommunicated. | ||
| You get treated like you're a Nazi. | ||
| I never even cared about it. | ||
| Didn't care at all. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, whatever you are, I don't give a shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But it's like, I can't do it anymore. | ||
| I think it's engineered. | ||
| I really do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By who? | |
| By China and by Russia. | ||
| Oh no, Chinese. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think what they're doing by manipulating social media, manipulating algorithms, I think some of it is natural. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I think some of it would have happened either way. | ||
| It happened during the 70s with the hippie movement. | ||
| There's always like... | ||
| There's always these people that want to live completely outside of the norm of conformity of society. | ||
| And there's always people like that. | ||
| But what's going on now is very different, and it's accentuated by social media. | ||
| And I think it's accentuated by algorithms naturally, because people are inclined to go towards things that upset them. | ||
| But also, it's done purposely. | ||
| And I think it's done, if you have enough stuff About like whatever the thing is whether it's black lives matter or whether it's Ukraine or whether it's power free Palestine from the river to the sea if you have enough of that Online it moves the needle and the way I described it the other day. | ||
| It's like if two ships I go in a certain direction. | ||
| This is a ship where people logically work through things, and this is a ship that's adjusted by the algorithm, affected by the algorithm. | ||
| It just moves that much. | ||
| Over time, this is what we're seeing. | ||
| So over time, you and I, who used to be on the left, are now like, where's the left? | ||
| Where are you guys? | ||
| You guys are so far away! | ||
| I can't even see you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| You're fucking chopping dicks off and giving little kids hormone blockers. | ||
| You have no idea what the long-term consequences are. | ||
| You're ignoring the health risks. | ||
| You won't even talk about the health risks. | ||
| You use things like... | ||
| Gender-affirming care! | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| What are you saying when you're talking about children? | ||
| Why are you just accepting this? | ||
| Because it's a noble thing to blurt out, so everybody goes, you're on the right team. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's not like, oh my god, what are we doing to kids? | ||
| It's not like, oh my god, what are we doing to San Francisco? | ||
| It's not like, oh my god, why are we letting these violent criminals out of jail? | ||
| It's like, oh my god, why are we defunding the fucking police? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't say any of those things. | ||
| You say any of those things you're a nut. | ||
| You get nervous? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I live here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is Texas. | ||
| In Texas, 99% of the people agree with me. | ||
| Even the left-leaning people here are way more reasonable. | ||
| Even last night, there's a joke that I tell that if I say it in a liberal city, it dies. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And it's a joke about, you know what I mean, Down syndrome people making love. | ||
| And they make up their own moves. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And they know traditional moves. | ||
| And I did it last night. | ||
| It crushed both shows. | ||
| And I felt like... | ||
| Oh, this is, you know what I mean, what I've been, I think, maybe looking for. | ||
| Well, that club is specifically designed and nurtured just for what's funny. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| There is no message here. | ||
| Unless you have a message and it's funny and it's in there, you want to do it, that's fine. | ||
| But what's valued is comedy. | ||
| Just like if you go to a music show, you don't want those in between the music speeches about climate change. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up and play the song. | ||
| Entertain me. | ||
| We want to develop stand-up comedy, like real stand-up comedy, because I think it's a worthy art form. | ||
| I think it's very valuable to people in terms of enjoyment and in terms of mental health and in terms of society. | ||
| It's an important part of society. | ||
| Like the Lakota had a person in their tribe that was called the Hayoka. | ||
| And Heyoko was the sacred clown. | ||
| And this was the person that made fun of everything. | ||
| Because if you couldn't make fun of something, it was bullshit. | ||
| Like if this was one guy, oh, you can't make fun of him. | ||
| Well, that's probably bullshit. | ||
| He probably has an inappropriate amount or an inappropriate amount of power. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A disproportionate amount of influence. | ||
| It's like probably some ego going on here, too, if you can't make fun of something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because if you can make fun of something and it's not funny, then you're not funny. | ||
| But if you can make fun of something and it's funny and people laugh and someone gets mad, they're the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're the problem. | ||
| And I want to say something. | ||
| I never said this before. | ||
| I want to say it now, right? | ||
| Is just for my personal life, some of the bullying that I received was necessary for me to get to where I am now. | ||
| Well, you don't want it. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| No, I didn't ever want it. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| But I wouldn't go back in my past and change anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I wouldn't either. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because I feel like everything... | ||
| My dad was fucking violent as fuck, dude. | ||
| Like, he would knock my mom's tooth out. | ||
| She has a missing tooth right here. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And we witnessed all this trauma. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| Dude, it was like... | ||
| It was fucking terrible. | ||
| I had done EMDR on just him. | ||
| Trauma therapy, right? | ||
| And then, you know, I was a little guy in an American high school, and people would bully me. | ||
| I lived in Minnesota. | ||
| They thought I was an Eskimo. | ||
| They threw ice chunks at my head. | ||
| Anyway, my point is that all those little things, and even in comedy, it was hard being me, this little guy, you know what I mean, doing it. | ||
| Black comics would sometimes come up to me. | ||
| Asians aren't funny. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, there was always that knock on Asians. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's be honest, like Henry Cho was like the first guy that went mainstream. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He was the first guy that went mainstream. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Wasn't he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Ronnie Chang's fucking hilarious. | ||
| I love Ronnie. | ||
| That dude is so good. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He's got so much attitude on stage. | ||
| Johnny Yoon was before him. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Johnny Yoon. | ||
| He's funny too. | ||
| Yeah, he's very funny. | ||
| But there was a knock. | ||
| But dude, nobody thought that when they saw you on stage. | ||
| You're a really funny guy. | ||
| You're very good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Very good comic. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You're a very good comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I also want to tell you the reason why I didn't want to do this now is because I'm doing a special and I want to promote it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I thought maybe I could only do it once every five years, but then your people said that I could do it when I... You can do this anytime you want. | ||
| I feel that now. | ||
| You have my number. | ||
| I'm going to call you. | ||
| I'm going to text you. | ||
| I'm going to text you. | ||
| I'm going to do it. | ||
| Anytime you want to. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| It's going to be great. | ||
| Listen, I love you. | ||
| I'm happy we do this. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I get it now. | ||
| I know now how it works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But yeah, I was like, I have to do one. | ||
| I have to do a special. | ||
| You really should, because it'll also force you to write more and fuck around more. | ||
| But you need a place to do that, and that's why you should move here. | ||
| There's so much stage time here, dude. | ||
| That's why in March, I talk to Adam. | ||
| I go, I'm going to do shows here in the Little Room to do Bobby Lee New Joke Night. | ||
| Let's go, Bobby Lee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| And then me and Adam are going to do a Star Trek podcast. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| And at that point, you're going to watch The Inner Light. | ||
| It's 40 minutes You really think that's the best science fiction ever better than alien the first alien movie with Sigourney Weaver But you have to think though that it you know because obviously the budget is an alien budget Right, so it's cheesy television, right? | ||
| But if the concept you know, I mean was mind-blowing at the time when I saw that in my early 20s It blew my fucking mind Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, I don't want to give it away now, you know what I mean? | ||
| Can I try to sell it to you real quick or no? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I'm sure it's okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right, I will say, but you're going to watch it. | ||
| I'll watch that one episode that you told me to watch. | ||
| Thank you, thank you, thank you. | ||
| And then make fun of me about it. | ||
| I will. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most certainly. | ||
| But that's not the best science fiction ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| If you Google the best television sci-fi episode, the interlock is in the top three. | ||
| You know what's a super underrated television sci-fi show? | ||
| What? | ||
| Battlestar Galactica. | ||
| The new version? | ||
| So good! | ||
| So good. | ||
| I've seen it twice already all the way through. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's a really good show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You think of it as a science fiction show, but it's a really good psychology show. | ||
| The way they had it set up, it's fucking terrifying. | ||
| I just got goosebumps when you said it, dude. | ||
| It's so good, and it's so appropriate to watch today. | ||
| And they kept jumping every hour because they're so scared. | ||
| Oh my god, it was so good. | ||
| And also the combination of artificial people and real people. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's really difficult because that's something that we're gonna have to navigate. | ||
| They didn't have AI then. | ||
| They didn't have that aspect of it that worked out. | ||
| You know, that wasn't like a terrifying force. | ||
| That they were dealing with as well, but the Cylons were awesome. | ||
| The robot murderers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And they also kept some of the old-school Cylons there too, but the new-school ones were like, you couldn't tell. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there was new-school Cylons and old-school Cylons. | ||
| That's a great fucking show. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| I'm crying. | ||
| And you know, I love it. | ||
| What's the pop face guy? | ||
| Oh, the head guy. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Almost? | ||
| Edward James Olmos. | ||
| Edward James Olmos. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So good in that. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a great fucking show. | ||
| Like, great acting, great stories, great special effects. | ||
| It really flew under the radar. | ||
| I think it was on, like, FX or something like that. | ||
| Sci-fi channel. | ||
| Sci-fi. | ||
| Sci-fi channel. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| So, like, not enough people were on that channel. | ||
| But now, you know that I saw it, right? | ||
| I'm telling you, the inner light rivals it. | ||
| Rivals, okay. | ||
| You'll watch it and go, okay, that's like the same kind of feel. | ||
| Rivals is reasonable? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's your favorite sci-fi movie? | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| In terms of like entertainment? | ||
| Yeah, what's something you just loved? | ||
| My favorite sci-fi, Aliens is one of, the original Alien was good. | ||
| Yeah, because you know, Harry Dean Stanton was great. | ||
| Here's what I loved about it. | ||
| The cast was so believable. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And that was also the first time there was like a female action star that you didn't feel like they were shoehorning it in your face that she's female. | ||
| She was stuck in that role. | ||
| That's not the role she wanted. | ||
| She wasn't some badass. | ||
| She was someone rising to the occasion, becoming a badass in the face of this horrific thing that killed everybody else on her spaceship. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| It's 1979. They also felt like real truckers, almost. | ||
| The ship lived in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oily, almost, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was fucking amazing. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| But Aliens 2, not as good. | ||
| Not as good, but still entertaining. | ||
| Different kind of movie. | ||
| That was like, the aliens were easy to kill all of a sudden. | ||
| And there was like a lot of them. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Well, they're Marines, though. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| The aliens were so... | ||
| The alien, the first one, was so clever and so fast and so sneaky. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, they're not. | ||
| All of a sudden they're just fucking idiots. | ||
| They're just running at you like the British with the fucking white cross on their chest. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| Their characteristics were completely different. | ||
| They were the dumb aliens. | ||
| And then the big one, the big female, the mama, the queen. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| She should've fucked Sigourney Weaver up like that. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| With that stupid, you bitch. | ||
| With the robot thing. | ||
| Your whole body's exposed, Pope. | ||
| Now you're dead. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| And why is it moving so slow? | ||
| All the above. | ||
| It should've been... | ||
| Well, she has babies in her belly. | ||
| You ever see a praying mantis kill a hummingbird? | ||
| I don't watch stuff like that, man. | ||
| You should watch that. | ||
| Because the praying mantis is like the human or the Earth-like equivalent of what one of those alien things are. | ||
| The alien thing is an enormous praying mantis, probably even more violent and more deadly. | ||
| And I just don't buy Sigourney Weaver with a stupid fucking robot crane suit on kicking its ass. | ||
| Does it make me a pussy when I watch Planet Earth and I see a lion chase a gazelle or whatever and I fast forward? | ||
| No. | ||
| You just don't want to see the suffering. | ||
| I don't want to see it. | ||
| But does that make me weak though? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's not weak. | ||
| You just don't want to experience it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to experience it. | ||
| You know what it is. | ||
| You've seen it before. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it happen. | ||
| You don't have to see a lion eating a fucking gazelle guts first over and over and over again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or hyenas. | ||
| The hyenas ones, the wild dog ones, those are the ruthless ones. | ||
| Yeah, those are crazy. | ||
| Because they're pulling the guts out while the thing is trying to stand up. | ||
| It's good, it's good. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| At least the lions kill you first. | ||
| The cats always kill you. | ||
| They don't just eat you. | ||
| Cats grab you by the neck and they fucking kill you. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But dogs, wild dogs and hyenas and bears, they just start eating you. | ||
| And then the alligator, you have to do a twirl with them. | ||
| Yeah, you might not die for an hour. | ||
| With an alligator? | ||
| With a lot of different creatures. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| It depends on what... | ||
| Well, alligators will take you underwater. | ||
| They'll drown you because they want to stuff you into a log so you can rot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you're easier to consume. | ||
| What animal could I think I could survive, you think? | ||
| A mouse. | ||
| Maybe a mouse. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| No. | ||
| A really angry mouse, you'd probably run into a wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, with a bear, maybe. | |
| You don't think so? | ||
| A bear. | ||
| Yeah, but I would just not freeze. | ||
| I don't think that works. | ||
| Freezing doesn't work? | ||
| Depends on why they're there. | ||
| All right. | ||
| If they're there to eat you, no, that's not going to work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If they're there to scare you away from their children, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it'll work. | ||
| But do you know what to do? | ||
| No, there's no what to do. | ||
| There's not a lot to do. | ||
| Because when you go to Hawaii and you swim with the sharks, they give you rules. | ||
| That doesn't even work. | ||
| You don't splash. | ||
| Did you hear about that kid that was just in the shark tank? | ||
| Was it in the Bahamas? | ||
| You got a bit? | ||
| They had some shark tank experience and some kid got bit by a shark. | ||
| Some kid, I think, from Maryland. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, don't fuck around, man. | ||
| They don't know that it's a shark tank. | ||
| They're sharks. | ||
| They're sharks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a bear is, like, to think you know what to do, maybe if you spray it with pepper spray to run away, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it won't. | ||
| Maybe if you shoot it, you'll stop it in its tracks, or maybe you only have like a 9mm, and you can pump it full of 4, 5, 6 holes, and it still tears you apart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, if you're gonna shoot it with a gun, you want a large caliber rifle. | ||
| You want like a.300 Win Mag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want something big, something BOOM! BOOM! Yeah. | ||
| You want to put large holes in that gigantic monster predator. | ||
| What about sword, no? | ||
| No, you're fucked. | ||
| Okay, okay, okay. | ||
| You'll fucking bounce it off its nose and it'll just get mad at you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You'll miss. | ||
| You'll panic. | ||
| It's just hard. | ||
| The speed that it moves at will astound all your senses. | ||
| You'll panic because you'll realize you don't have the reaction time. | ||
| You don't have the physical movement time capable of dealing with how fast it's coming at you. | ||
| Your body doesn't work good enough to do that. | ||
| You know, I would run toward it and just get it over with. | ||
| That might work. | ||
| I'll just run and I'll just jump right into the head, maybe. | ||
| It depends on where it bites you. | ||
| The thing about those things is they don't necessarily kill. | ||
| They just hold down and eat. | ||
| They just hold you down and start eating. | ||
| Alright, okay! | ||
| You know Grizzly Man, that documentary? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That video where the lens cap was on, but they have an audio of him dying. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's so horrifying, I know. | ||
| It's like five minutes long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Five minutes of that thing eating him alive. | ||
| Five minutes is so long before you're dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta think of how long it is that something just weighs a thousand pounds, putting its paw on your chest and just pulling your guts out, screaming, eating your dick first. | ||
| I've bombed for five minutes and it seems like 20 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Imagine getting eating. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Do you bomb anymore? | ||
| A juggle bomb, yeah. | ||
| We also do Bottom of the Barrel. | ||
| You know Bottom of the Barrel? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like one of those shows where the audience has suggestions, and you reach into the barrel and pull out the suggestions, and then you just riff. | ||
| Boy, I bombed on those shows. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| Sometimes there's no suggestion. | ||
| Sometimes it's like green sneakers. | ||
| Oh my God, it's so hard. | ||
| The fuck am I going to do with this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because sometimes people are trying to trip you up. | ||
| Sometimes people have good suggestions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of them are actually almost in the form of jokes. | ||
| Some of them are really funny. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you just randomly pull out a topic? | ||
| Randomly. | ||
| And the audience fills it out? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And it's like, sometimes it's an amazing premise factory, because sometimes, because you're on the spot like that, every now and then, an idea will pop into your head. | ||
| You're like, oh shit, that's a bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then that bit, you get home and you listen to it and you write it down. | ||
| Like, there's three or four bits that I've gotten that are actual bits now, because of that show. | ||
| I want to admit to something to you right now, if I may. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I want to admit something to you right now, if I may. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The reason why I haven't done a special is because of the fear of doing new shit. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's shameful. | ||
| Yeah, but this idea that you have of a Bobby Lee new joke night. | ||
| I'm forcing myself to do it. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Because, you know, when you guys left the store, And I don't want to make fun of... | ||
| I love all the comics, dude, but it's like, you know, sometimes when the headliners, like the guys with names, leave town for the weekends, you look at some of the lineups there, you know what I mean? | ||
| And so when I'm... | ||
| They're not as strong. | ||
| So when I'm in town, I'm in the main room, I have the prime spot, it's packed. | ||
| I have this fucking pressure to crush. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You know, because I just know that they're there to see me, and I want to give them a good show. | ||
| Well, you could do sets other places, too, you know? | ||
| Do sets other places. | ||
| Go to the Ha Ha. | ||
| Fuck around at the Ice House. | ||
| Go to Flappers. | ||
| Go fuck around in other spots. | ||
| Flappers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I know you're saying that, but it's like, go up there. | ||
| It's a crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck around. | |
| Burr fucks around there. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Burr likes to do that. | ||
| He likes to go to the Ice House. | ||
| He'll fuck around there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You gotta kinda fuck around. | ||
| You gotta come up with ideas and sit down. | ||
| Like last night... | ||
| I told myself, I'm going to go to bed early. | ||
| I was in front of the computer at 10 o'clock and I was like, I'll stop at 12 and I'll go to bed. | ||
| But then I caught an idea. | ||
| I caught an idea and I wrote it out until like 3.30 in the morning. | ||
| I was just writing. | ||
| And when I do that, I'm like, okay, that was productive. | ||
| Even though I'm tired and I woke up late today, even though I'm tired, I'm like, but that was productive. | ||
| And if I can force myself to do that three, four times a week, And sometimes, dude, I'll just sit in front of that fucking computer and it's just nonsense. | ||
| It's just nonsense. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| There's nothing to this. | ||
| I'm trying to work it out. | ||
| You know, I'll fucking take a little of that, go over it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| And sometimes nothing. | ||
| Sometimes I got nothing. | ||
| But when you write something, though, and you look at it, right, do you go, okay, this is like a 60%. | ||
| Like, do you do that? | ||
| It totally depends. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| Sometimes it's like 100%. | ||
| Some bits, like, as I write them, that's exactly how I perform them. | ||
| It's not normal, but it happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then some bits are just seeds. | ||
| It's just a seed. | ||
| And I gotta throw that bitch on stage and see where it goes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes it doesn't go anywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I think it's like Ron White was telling the story the other day about this joke that he had that he thought was really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he had planned, I had it planned in my mind when it was going to be applause break. | ||
| He goes, you got fucking nothing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Yeah, it does, yeah. | ||
| But that's the beauty of creation because every now and then I have this new bit that's killing and it's so exciting to get to it because it's like this is like this bit is alive. | ||
| It's like it was just born. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just flexing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's fun, but it's also hard. | ||
| But you gotta, you know, you gotta pay devotion to the muse. | ||
| You gotta sit down and try to, like, let the ideas come to you. | ||
| If you don't have a moment where you're just sitting down and just letting the ideas come to you, you're gonna miss those ideas. | ||
| And some people say, oh, I only write on stage, I only write with my friends. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| You should do that, too. | ||
| But there's nothing wrong with, like, sitting... | ||
| It's not gonna hurt you to sit in front of a computer and go over your ideas. | ||
| And every now and then... | ||
| Maybe every two times or five times, every ten times you sit in front of that computer or that notebook, something pops up that wouldn't have popped up without it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you gotta like suffer through the ones that suck, the drudge of not being able to come up with anything. | ||
| My problem is I have these second addictions I have, like video games. | ||
| Right, in your front of the computer you start playing video games. | ||
| Yeah, and I'll just start playing Starfield or something, and 16 hours later I'm on a planet, and I'm making an outpost, right? | ||
| And I feel guilt, or I'll play Stardew Valley, I'll create a farm, right? | ||
| But it's a haunting thing, like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Right, you're wasting your time. | ||
| I'm wasting my time. | ||
| I know this, but for the same reason I can convince myself Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If you do the work first, like say if you sit down, you say, I can only play computer games if I write a thousand words. | ||
| So when you get to a thousand on a Word document, you look at the bottom, it'll tell you how many words you've written, and then you can stop. | ||
| That's what I'm gonna do. | ||
| Yeah, just earn it. | ||
| Earn it. | ||
| That way you'll actually enjoy it. | ||
| That way when you're playing the games, it won't be in your head, oh my god, I should be writing, oh my god, I should be doing something else. | ||
| And by the way, it doesn't have to be you write something funny. | ||
| You could just write something about something and then try to extract funny things out of it. | ||
| Like, you could just write a story about how violent your dad was. | ||
| Like that, what you just told me, which is horrific, right? | ||
| If you wrote that out, I guarantee you there's gonna be a seed of something in there. | ||
| Something. | ||
| It might not even be about your dad being violent. | ||
| Maybe it'd be about how you react to violence. | ||
| Or maybe how you react to, you know, angry people. | ||
| I just want everybody to be nice. | ||
| You could find, like, a premise in there. | ||
| So just write an essay. | ||
| Just write an essay and write an essay with no expectation of whether or not it's gonna be funny. | ||
| Yeah, I used to do morning pages. | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| No, just get up in the morning and write? | ||
| Right when you wake up, apparently, when you just start writing. | ||
| That's supposed to be the best time to write. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you don't have those, like, filters and stuff, like, this sucks. | ||
| Just freely write it, and then just pages of it, maybe a couple, you know what I mean? | ||
| And then later you look at it, you know what I mean? | ||
| Maybe I'll start doing that again. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| That's how most writers do. | ||
| When they write, they write in the morning, and then they go for a walk. | ||
| A lot of them do. | ||
| And they listen to some of their notes. | ||
| And they'll go over the idea that they wrote down, and they'll take voice notes while they're walking. | ||
| There's something about walking, they say, because it's like a very mild aerobic exercise. | ||
| So it stimulates your circulation. | ||
| It gets everything flowing. | ||
| You actually think a little bit better when you're walking. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You're not tired. | ||
| It's a mild thing. | ||
| So you're just out there walking, and your heart is pumping, and you're not sitting there sedentary just trying to think. | ||
| You're actually walking around. | ||
| Okay, I'll try hiking then. | ||
| Yeah, hiking's good. | ||
| Hiking's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, hike after you, then you'll really have earned your video games, right? | ||
| Write, and then hike, and think about what you write, and then when you play, you'll be playing for fun. | ||
| You'll be enjoying it. | ||
| So from this day forth, From this day forth, I'm going to wake up, I'm making an announcement. | ||
| I'm going to wake up, I'm going to write for an hour, hike, and then I'm going to play video games. | ||
| I'm going to see you four months from now, you're going to be cracked out with a Klingon knife. | ||
| You went off the rails. | ||
| It was too much pressure! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was getting up every morning, I was writing, and then I was hiking, and it was just too much! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And my fish died! | ||
| I have to do it because now it's incredible. | ||
| When I do shows with Segura or me and Andrew, because I'm on a podcast called Bad Friends. | ||
| It's a funny podcast. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You guys are good together. | ||
| I want to talk to you about an episode that I saw. | ||
| But you having to go to Israel? | ||
| Was that on that or was that somewhere else? | ||
| Yeah, it was that. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
| Tell me what happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Do you not want to talk about it? | ||
| I can do it. | ||
| Because I'm not saying anything that's like wrong. | ||
| It's just something that happened. | ||
| I get a call from Steve Byrne. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And Steve goes, you want to go to Israel? | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| 14 years ago, maybe. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 12, 14, I don't know. | ||
| And I go, why? | ||
| I don't want to do a show there. | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| You know, I got a call and they're flying out a bunch of comedians and actors and it's a free trip. | ||
| And I go, why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just want to show us the country. | ||
| And their culture. | ||
| And you get nice hotels, free meals, and you get a tour of like... | ||
| Are you not performing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So I went there with Jamie Chung, Brian Greenberg, their actors, and Steve Lopez went out, George Lopez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| And we went out there, and then when we got there, they were like, welcome. | ||
| We're like, thanks. | ||
| And they were like, but every day you have to tweet how great Israel is. | ||
| Every day? | ||
| Yeah, like put out a tweet. | ||
| They told you you have to, and they didn't say anything about that before you left? | ||
| I don't remember them saying it before. | ||
| But they might have? | ||
| They could have. | ||
| Maybe they said it to Steve, and Steve conveniently left it out? | ||
| I don't know, but I do know that I feel like if they did say it, that I would have questioned it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| So this is the early days of Twitter, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Twitter's only like 12 years old. | ||
| It was 10 years ago then, I don't know. | ||
| How old is Twitter? | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Israel unfiltered. | ||
| So 2006. Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So 2006, when was that? | ||
| Look at your face! | ||
| I was like, I have to tweet? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But here's what happened. | ||
| As soon as I tweeted the first thing, I already knew, like, oh my god, I think I'm in trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| What'd you say? | ||
| I just said, Israel's great, they're beautiful people, you know what I mean? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And they flew us out here for free, and then you would just get a thousand like, you know what I mean? | ||
| That were like, you know, Palestinian, you know? | ||
| And going, you mother... | ||
| It was like negative, negative, negative. | ||
| And there was these gigantic wars that would go on in the comment section. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| It just got really uncomfortable. | ||
| And then I just remember, you know... | ||
| Yeah, there I am. | ||
| Nice hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice hat. | |
| You should wear that all the time. | ||
| I look cute with it. | ||
| Is that the famous wall? | ||
| That's the wall, yeah. | ||
| What would it feel like to be around that wall? | ||
| That wall's old as fuck, right? | ||
| How old's that wall? | ||
| I put a note in it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You could write little letters. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Letters to Jesus? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you put it in there. | ||
| Dear Jesus, when you come out. | ||
| I think mine was like, let me get more pussy or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That wall. | ||
| How old's that wall? | ||
| 19 BC. Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But then toward the end, I was just like, I gotta get the fuck out of here, I think. | ||
| Yeah, I was just like... | ||
| How many tweets did you make? | ||
| And did you keep going after they were attacking you? | ||
| Yeah, I think so, yeah. | ||
| You have to, otherwise you don't get your hotel. | ||
| Yeah, it was like a free thing. | ||
| And I didn't know the significance of it until later, almost, like, you know what I mean, or the significance, but like, what the impact of it, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I, you know, obviously, you know, I mean, obviously I have my opinions about it, you know what I mean, that I'm keeping to myself, but it's like... | ||
| It's not fully aligned with what people think I should be. | ||
| You have to be careful because I live in LA. Oh, I hear you. | ||
| Look, it's a complicated issue. | ||
| It's so complicated. | ||
| And it's terrifying. | ||
| Would you look at the video of when they do an overhead of what Gaza used to look like and what it looks like now? | ||
| I mean, it's insane. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| It's going to take over a year to clean up just the rubble. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But it's like 25,000 now? | ||
| At least. | ||
| At least. | ||
| They don't know how many people are dead. | ||
| They have no idea. | ||
| And half the population is women and children. | ||
| And the trauma. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And the fucking, you know, famine. | ||
| It's just, I just can't even comprehend it, really. | ||
| Yeah, and the Israelis tell you that it's necessary. | ||
| And that they have to get rid of Hamas. | ||
| And this is the way to do it. | ||
| I mean, I believe that. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| I believe that maybe that should be... | ||
| But I think the approach could be different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right or no? | ||
| I don't have any expertise in war. | ||
| Me either. | ||
| But I'm horrified that they can just shoot missiles into buildings. | ||
| And they tell people to get out, but then they bomb the areas where they're going to. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing's nuts, man. | ||
| It's nuts and it's so dangerous. | ||
| It's so dangerous. | ||
| These free Palestine marches that are happening all over the world, those are all organized too, by the way. | ||
| When you get on social media and you see the free Palestine people and the pro-Israel people, what percentage of those people are bots? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not zero. | ||
| It's not zero. | ||
| There's a lot of what's getting stirred up, a lot of the hateful things that are being said, a lot of the crazy things that are being said. | ||
| I guarantee you a lot of that's being instigated by foreign countries. | ||
| And that's what's scary about social media and the influence it has on people and the way they feel about a particular issue. | ||
| And that's on top of the horrific nature of the issue itself, both of October 7th, which is undeniably horrific, and then this. | ||
| And then on top of that, you have this open anti-Semitism that we never saw before, where it's just open everywhere. | ||
| It's wild! | ||
| It's fucking terrible. | ||
| It's so scary, man. | ||
| But it's also an issue that will never be resolved. | ||
| But it's not just that it'll never be resolved. | ||
| Like, I never thought it was going to be an issue where the presidents of, like, major universities were standing in front of Congress, and they were justifying people saying, death to the Jews, that it wasn't harassment unless it was actionable. | ||
| That's insane, yeah. | ||
| When the Congresswoman was trying to get them to expand on that, do you mean actual genocide, then it's harassment? | ||
| When they commit actual genocide? | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| But it's the same thing we were talking about. | ||
| It's the cult. | ||
| They're in that leftist cult. | ||
| And it's not reasonable. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's all crazy. | ||
| Oh, and when they were like, Osama bin Laden could have been Ryan or whatever. | ||
| Do you remember that fucking trend? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Fucking insane! | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| And these are people, right, that weren't there. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| That's a TikTok thing too, by the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Osama Bin Laden. | ||
| In 2000, right? | ||
| 2001, I was on MADtv. | ||
| 9-11 happened. | ||
| I went to work the next day. | ||
| Andrew Daly, one of the actors, his cousin was on one of the flights, right? | ||
| And I could feel the pain. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And, you know, we were inundated with the fucking footage. | ||
| And just in the moment, it was fucking horrifying. | ||
| It changed America. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And now people that weren't even around then, kids, which is fine, but now they have these grand ideas about... | ||
| It's insane! | ||
| Well, it's also, where did Osama Bin Laden come from? | ||
| Well, he came from the CIA funding them, the Mujahideen, to fight against the Soviet Union. | ||
| They're trained. | ||
| They're trained by Americans. | ||
| Look, there's a certain reality to American imperialism. | ||
| It doesn't do anybody any good to deny it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have military bases everywhere. | |
| If you were a foreign country, in a nationalistic foreign country, of course you'd hate America. | ||
| Of course you'd hate what we do. | ||
| I mean, look at what's going on right now with this Ukraine-Russia thing. | ||
| Look at how much money is being funneled through that. | ||
| Insane amounts of money. | ||
| Yeah, and most of it's like embezzled, right? | ||
| Who fucking knows? | ||
| But again, it's not zero. | ||
| It's not zero percent. | ||
| It's getting embezzled. | ||
| And the fact that all of a sudden no one wanted to admit that Ukraine had always been a very corrupt country. | ||
| There's a crazy Twitter exchange between Candace Owens and the New York Times, where Candace Owens was talking about how corrupt Ukraine is, and then the New York Times says to her, Like, what evidence do you have that Ukraine is corrupt? | ||
| She goes, oh, you mean the links from your fucking newspaper? | ||
| And just from like 2016 and before that. | ||
| There's all these fucking stories about how corrupt Ukraine is. | ||
| In the New York Times. | ||
| They didn't even bother looking it up. | ||
| Because when you're in the cult, the cult says you support Ukraine. | ||
| Do you want Ukraine to win or do you want Russia to win? | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you even saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How much do you know about why this thing was instigated in the first place? | ||
| How much do you know about NATO? About how much they're moving arms closer to the Soviet Union? | ||
| About how Ukraine joining NATO was always a red flag? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know nothing. | ||
| Most people that are talking about it don't know either. | ||
| That was the red line that you could not cross. | ||
| Ukraine joining Russia. | ||
| Or joining NATO, rather. | ||
| The whole thing's fucking terrifying. | ||
| Because we're dealing with nuclear superpowers. | ||
| When Xi Jinping tells Biden that Taiwan will join China again, like, that means they're going to take Taiwan? | ||
| What are we going to do if they take Taiwan? | ||
| And then Biden says we're not going to do anything. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| First he said we're going to stop them, now he says we're not going to do anything. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| And he's only saying whatever the fuck they write down for him. | ||
| The whole thing's nuts. | ||
| It's like who's deciding what happens and doesn't happen? | ||
| It's not that guy, right? | ||
| So if it's not him, who the fuck is it? | ||
| Is it the Secretary of State? | ||
| Is it the press secretary? | ||
| Is it the military-industrial complex? | ||
| Are they completely at the helm? | ||
| Will they ever let control of that wheel to anybody else now that they have it? | ||
| Is it the shit you think about when you lay in bed at night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| How the fuck do you sleep? | ||
| Sometimes I don't. | ||
| That's a real problem at night. | ||
| At night, I have my most anxiety-filled moments about this stuff. | ||
| I've talked about it openly. | ||
| But I'll really freak out at night because I legitimately think we are one or two events away from living in the Stone Age again. | ||
| And I think it could happen in our lifetime, and it could happen to you and I. Like, I'm really convinced that the fabric of society is way more fragile than anyone appreciates. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That most people appreciate, rather. | ||
| I mean, I feel it in the air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you saw it during the George Floyd times in LA. Oh, yeah. | ||
| I felt it. | ||
| That was Mad Max times. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When they were burning those cop cars on the highway, and I remember seeing that going, I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This ain't gonna get better. | ||
| Was it that or COVID that made you? | ||
| Both those things. | ||
| And the money, probably, like, taxes? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was not even a consideration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Taxes, okay. | |
| It was nice, but it was the freedom. | ||
| It was these fucking dipshits, like the mayor of Los Angeles, telling everybody what businesses they can and can't have open, what's essential and non-essential. | ||
| Like, says who? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And after a while, when a bunch of people had had COVID and then gotten over it, and they were fine, I was like, well, wait a minute. | ||
| How scary is this? | ||
| And why are we closing everything down? | ||
| Why aren't we giving people choice? | ||
| I bought into it! | ||
| I didn't even leave the house for two fucking years! | ||
| I didn't even go to the grocery store, and I had to spray everything down. | ||
| Doritos, spraying it with... | ||
| It was insane! | ||
| Well, my whole family got it early on, before there was anything. | ||
| Before there was a vaccine, before there was anything. | ||
| And I didn't get it. | ||
| And I didn't do anything different. | ||
| I hugged my kids. | ||
| I fucked my wife. | ||
| I hung out with them. | ||
| I just took care of myself. | ||
| You've had a COVID though, right? | ||
| Yeah, I got it eventually. | ||
| Yeah, I got it too. | ||
| I got it when the Delta variant was around. | ||
| I got it when I was doing arenas in Florida. | ||
| And I got it because I was hanging out with my friend John Shulman. | ||
| My friend John Shulman is a buddy of mine who makes pool cues. | ||
| And he lives right there and I got to see him after the show and we played pool till like 3.30 in the morning and I was exhausted. | ||
| I had like fucking five margaritas and then I got sick. | ||
| But even then it wasn't that bad. | ||
| But my point is like my whole family got it and I didn't get it. | ||
| They weren't vaccinated. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| There was no vaccine back then. | ||
| And I didn't do anything different, man. | ||
| I remember I worked out two days where I was tired, and I realized I was fighting something off. | ||
| There was two days where I was in the gym. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm just going to go through the motions here. | ||
| I'm just going to lift light weights and just let my body break a little bit of a sweat, but no exertion. | ||
| Just get some circulation going. | ||
| So I did some kettlebell exercises, like 35 pounds. | ||
| Nothing strenuous. | ||
| Just nice and light. | ||
| Just get the body moving. | ||
| And then the next day, I went back in the gym. | ||
| I feel the same. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Today, same thing. | ||
| Did some push-ups. | ||
| Did some chin-ups. | ||
| Nothing crazy like reps of five chin-ups. | ||
| Just a little bit of exercise. | ||
| Nothing strenuous. | ||
| And then the next day, I felt great. | ||
| The next day, I had a full regular workout. | ||
| So whatever it was, I fought it off. | ||
| And so then I was like, well, what... | ||
| What is at play here? | ||
| Can your immune system stop this, or is it something that you 100% get? | ||
| No, it seems very infectious, but it also seems like if you have a healthy immune system, this isn't a death sentence. | ||
| This isn't Ebola. | ||
| So what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And then the vaccine came out, and I signed up to get vaccinated. | ||
| The UFC had this whole allotment of vaccines. | ||
| But I was there on a Friday for the UFC, and they said, you have to go to the clinic. | ||
| And I said, I can't. | ||
| I don't have the time. | ||
| They said, can you come back Monday? | ||
| I said, no, but I'll be back in two weeks. | ||
| So I was going to get vaccinated in two weeks. | ||
| And in the two weeks, they pulled it. | ||
| They pulled the Johnson& Johnson for blood clots. | ||
| And two people I knew got strokes. | ||
| Two people. | ||
| Two people. | ||
| Within the 10 days of taking that vaccine, two people I knew had strokes. | ||
| Like healthy people. | ||
| Like weird blood clots. | ||
| People were getting blood clots. | ||
| I mean, it is true that if you were older, though, like 70, and you had some sort of like, you know what I mean, comorbidity? | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| Comorbidity. | ||
| Comorbidity, right? | ||
| That they could die, right? | ||
| I mean, that's a true thing, right? | ||
| Like Herman Cain, he died. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They die of the flu, too. | ||
| I mean, it's a bad cold. | ||
| It's not dismissing what it is, but it's dismissing this control that all of a sudden the medical industrial complex and the government has over you and your job and your choices in your life for something that now they admit they could have never contained, that it was never going to stop transmission, that it was never going to stop infection. | ||
| It was all just lies. | ||
| They lied about the efficacy. | ||
| They lied about the protection in parts. | ||
| They put it out on MSNBC. Rachel Maddow. | ||
| The virus stops with you. | ||
| You can't get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's not true. | |
| It was not true. | ||
| There was no evidence that it did that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not only was there no evidence, they never even tested it for transmission. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They just tested it to try to see if it makes antibodies. | ||
| But what scared me was when Michael Yeo, you know Michael Yeo. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| When he was in the ICU because of COVID. In my mind, I don't know why, because I know that Michael Yeo is athletic. | ||
| I thought to myself, oh, if he's in the ICU, I would have died! | ||
| Meanwhile, his mom got it, and she was fine. | ||
| Michael, yo, he's weak. | ||
| I don't know what it is, man. | ||
| It could have caught him absolutely exhausted. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| That's what I've heard of people getting it really bad. | ||
| It catches them when they go on a bender. | ||
| And that's what happened with me. | ||
| I was drinking until 3.30 in the morning. | ||
| I think when... | ||
| Drinking, first of all, is absolutely terrible for your body and terrible for your immune system. | ||
| And if you're drinking, like, I was drinking these five super sweet, super potent margaritas. | ||
| We were hammered. | ||
| Actually, I came from a show, too. | ||
| So I did a show that night. | ||
| I probably had a couple of drinks at the show. | ||
| So it's like you're not in a good place to fight off anything like that. | ||
| You're exhausted and drunk. | ||
| I've been sick that way many times. | ||
| The times in my past when I've caught a cold or caught the flu, it's almost always when I'm run down. | ||
| Almost always. | ||
| So I don't know, maybe Michael Yeo was really run down when he got it. | ||
| I know a guy who got COVID really bad because him and his buddies were drinking. | ||
| They were drinking and they were partying and he was really fucked up and then the next day COVID hit him bad. | ||
| But he was weak. | ||
| His body was weakened by a bender. | ||
| They were drunk all night and then in the morning he started feeling like shit and then it caught him bad. | ||
| Yeah, but when I got out, it was really bad. | ||
| But I lived through it, and it was fine. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of different things that were at play there. | ||
| First of all, there was just general metabolic health that was completely ignored. | ||
| People told you, all you have to do is get vaccinated. | ||
| That's horseshit. | ||
| Your immune system is complex, and it relies on a bunch of different things to keep it effective. | ||
| It relies on good nutrition. | ||
| It relies on sleep. | ||
| It relies on low stress. | ||
| It relies on vitamins and nutrients. | ||
| Healthy diet. | ||
| Exercise. | ||
| All those things were huge factors, and they ignored every single one of them. | ||
| When you look at the number of people that died of COVID, something like 90-plus percent had four-plus comorbidities. | ||
| Four-plus. | ||
| Cancer, diabetes, heart attack risk. | ||
| Fill in the blank. | ||
| Four-plus. | ||
| Comorbidities. | ||
| 90 plus percent of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not that it's not bad. | ||
| Of course it's bad. | ||
| But you know what's worse? | ||
| You motherfuckers telling everybody what they have to do and not have to do. | ||
| You motherfuckers telling people they can shut their businesses down and they have to take this experimental medication regardless of whether or not they have natural immunity. | ||
| Dude, it was Gestapo shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm with you, bud. | |
| I'm with you. | ||
| It was fucking mind control. | ||
| It was totalitarian, authoritarian tactics. | ||
| They were limiting people's livelihood, limiting people's ability to travel, shaming people. | ||
| The fucking government released, during Omicron, which is nothing but a cold, they released this thing. | ||
| For the people who've been vaccinated, you did your job. | ||
| For those unvaccinated, you experience a winter, what is it, severe illness and death? | ||
| You're looking towards a winter of severe illness and death? | ||
| When Biden's on TV, our patience is wearing thin. | ||
| We've been patient, but our patience is wearing thin. | ||
| Hey, motherfucker, our patience is wearing thin with you. | ||
| You can't even form a goddamn sentence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You fucking zombie. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Your patience is wearing thin. | ||
| You're not even looking at data. | ||
| You're not talking about reality. | ||
| You're talking to the cult. | ||
| Can I ask you, why are they so reluctant to not give us a different option there? | ||
| Because it's control. | ||
| Because whenever there's anything that happens in the world, whether it's 9-11 and through 9-11 they passed the Patriot Act. | ||
| And there was a devastating blow to free speech and control and just your ability to have privacy. | ||
| The government had full reign to listen to all your phone calls, read all your emails, and they're doing it right now. | ||
| And the NSA is doing it right now. | ||
| They can listen to any time you make a phone call to someone. | ||
| It's all getting recorded. | ||
| Yeah, but when we complain, like, Biden's a little too old, maybe can we find a different option? | ||
| They're not even open to the idea of it. | ||
| It's just like, no, he's the guy. | ||
| He's not in control right now, right? | ||
| So if the people who are in control are in control right now, why would they want to swap out a new person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deep state. | |
| Well, for real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it deep state? | |
| Listen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could put whatever words you want, but if you don't think that these corporations that donate insane amounts of money to political campaigns have an influence on what happens in the world, you're naive. | ||
| That's a silly way to think of things. | ||
| Now, if you've got a guy who basically has no mind and he is your figurehead, if you can keep him alive for four years, you just run it the way you're running it right now. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| All you have to do is get that other guy arrested a ton of times. | ||
| Just keep arresting them. | ||
| Keep trumping up new charges. | ||
| Put him out there in the fucking news every day. | ||
| Terrible things he's done. | ||
| He's an authoritarian. | ||
| He's gonna lock all the gays up. | ||
| If you just say that enough, the people that are uninformed and aren't paying attention, they're going to listen. | ||
| And then if you have mail-in ballots and if you have a voter machine shenanigans, if you can fucking sway things one way or another, then you stay in power. | ||
| You stay in power. | ||
| Same person stays as the figurehead and the same people run it now. | ||
| Do you believe the election was stolen then? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I believe that there are, without a doubt, in every election, there's election fraud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure! | |
| It's like, what's the number? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's what I say. | ||
| I don't know what the number is. | ||
| I know Trump apparently released a whole bunch of documents showing irregularities, showing that the mail-in ballots were incorrect. | ||
| The mail-in ballots is something Putin talked about recently. | ||
| He said the 2020 elections were stolen and they used mail-in ballots. | ||
| But who knows why he's saying that. | ||
| But these things happen every cycle, right? | ||
| Every election these things happen. | ||
| There's irregularities. | ||
| Hillary claimed that she won. | ||
| I mean, John Kerry claimed that he won. | ||
| Al Gore claimed that he won. | ||
| Remember the dangling chads? | ||
| In Florida. | ||
| In Florida. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But the difference is that Al, though, went, okay, I'm going to concede. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Took a long time. | ||
| You know, the Al Gore, George Bush won. | ||
| How long did that go on before he conceded? | ||
| I want to say it was a few months. | ||
| I don't think it was as simple as just conceding. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think the Al Gore, George Bush one went on for quite a while, if I remember correctly, because I remember being confused, like, wow, this never happened before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A month or so. | |
| A month. | ||
| A month or so, okay. | ||
| So think of that. | ||
| Think of like a whole month where they're trying to decide if it's true. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| And there was a documentary that HBO did back when Bush was president during these times. | ||
| Well, this was when it was okay to deny the election because it was a Republican that was in office. | ||
| And there was a documentary called Hacking Democracy. | ||
| And in that documentary, they were using – I think they were using Diebold machines. | ||
| And Diebold, they also make a lot of ATM machines. | ||
| They make various machines. | ||
| But what they had found in this documentary was that there was the ability to have a third-party input. | ||
| So first party input is you, you're the voter. | ||
| Second party is me, I collect the vote. | ||
| Third party input was also there. | ||
| And so they used that on the documentary to change the vote. | ||
| So they used it to change the numbers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they showed that they can do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I'll send you something, Jamie, I don't know if this is true, but someone said that someone had just done this recently. | ||
| Here, I'll send you this, because this is just something that someone tweeted. | ||
| I don't know if it's true, but I wanted to send it to Jamie so Jamie could research it. | ||
| But what this says... | ||
| Is that in federal court in Atlanta, Georgia, computer scientist and engineering professor J. Alex Halderman was able to hack a Dominion voting tabulator in front of U.S. District Judge Amy Totenberg using only a pen to change the vote totals. | ||
| That happened this time? | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is a tweet from just a couple of days ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was a tweet from, actually a tweet from, when was it? | ||
| Anyway, I don't know if that's true, but that's crazy if it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is actually from two days ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This person tweeted this. | ||
| Now, we'll look, see if that's horseshit, but here's the thing. | ||
| When you have computers, If you have a phone, like with Pegasus, Pegasus was the first one that, by the way, the Israelis created Pegasus. | ||
| And Pegasus was a software that, that's what they used to get Jeff Bezos when they got his dick pics and all that shit. | ||
| Oh yeah, good ones, good ones, good ones. | ||
| When they did that with him, what they did was someone sent him a link in WhatsApp I think it was the head of Saudi Arabia, allegedly sent him a link in WhatsApp. | ||
| He clicked the link and then Pegasus was downloaded on his phone. | ||
| Now, you don't even have to click a link anymore. | ||
| Now, they can get Pegasus on your phone. | ||
| All they need is your phone number. | ||
| I could have Pegasus now? | ||
| They probably do. | ||
| You probably do. | ||
| You have it? | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| How do we detect it? | ||
| Is there an app? | ||
| I don't believe so. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think... | ||
| According to Gavin DeBecker, who's a securities expert, these things are constantly evolving and they get better all the time. | ||
| They don't tell you when they're better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just have better technology. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's aware of Pegasus, too. | ||
| And he said with Pegasus, too, all they need is your phone number. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| But Joe, can I ask you something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Can't you just shut it off and not... | ||
| I mean, there's so many people in this country who just walk around and they just don't... | ||
| All these things that we're talking about right now, they don't think about it. | ||
| They just live their lives. | ||
| Don't you think that that's a happier life or no? | ||
| Depends on whether or not... | ||
| Your voice actually matters. | ||
| So if you can change the way people think, and you can change the way people look at things, and then those people vote in such mass numbers that you can't make stealing the vote possible. | ||
| Because enough people realize it's horseshit to the point where the overwhelming majority... | ||
| You would have to have fraud that's so apparent that no one would buy into it. | ||
| It'd be a national scandal. | ||
| We need whistleblowers. | ||
| We have them. | ||
| We put them in jail. | ||
| Look at Edward Snowden. | ||
| He said he has to live in Russia now. | ||
| Look at Julian Assange. | ||
| She's fucked. | ||
| They've been prosecuting that guy forever. | ||
| And if you ask what the crime is, it's nothing. | ||
| He's a journalist. | ||
| I just feel so stressed out right now. | ||
| Why?! | ||
| It's stressing me out. | ||
| That's the reality that we live in. | ||
| We live in a very dangerous, complicated world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Halderman, a University of Michigan computer scientist, changed results of a hypothetical referendum on Sunday alcohol sales. | ||
| He flipped the winner in a theoretical election between President George Washington and Benedict Arnold, the Revolutionary War general who defected to the British. | ||
| He rigged the machine to print out as many ballots as he wanted. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| All he needed was a pen to reach a button inside the touchscreen, a fake $10 voter card that he had programmed, or a $100 USB device that he plugged into a cord connected to a printer, rewriting the touchscreen's code. | ||
| Haldeman delivered his presentation during an election security trial evaluating whether Georgia's voting system is vulnerable to manipulation or programming errors. | ||
| All in-person voters in Georgia make their choices on touch screens that print out paper ballots. | ||
| I believe Georgia was supposed to update their machines, and then there was a talk of when they were going to do it. | ||
| And I think it's also taken into consideration, other than just corruption, it might also be a budget issue. | ||
| The headline says, election officials say these vulnerabilities are merely speculative. | ||
| Oh, merely speculative. | ||
| It's safe and effective. | ||
| Our election is safe and effective. | ||
| These people dropping dead. | ||
| There's 40% increase in all-cause mortalities. | ||
| Ages 18 to 34. There's nothing to concern yourself with. | ||
| That's normal. | ||
| But it's merely speculative. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These people all have your best interest in mind. | ||
| Is that a cigar? | ||
| These are little baby cigars. | ||
| Can I have one? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You're okay with nicotine cigars? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not gonna inhale it. | ||
| You want a real cigar? | ||
| A big one? | ||
| No, the little ones. | ||
| You want a real cigar? | ||
|
unidentified
|
These are good. | |
| I like them. | ||
| Yeah, why don't you have one of these? | ||
| Is it Cuban? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, these are from Nicaragua. | ||
| These are JRE cigars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| They're actually really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here, I'll open it for you. | ||
| This is what I think, man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think evil's real. | ||
| And I think evil exists in many forms, and it exists in callous disregard for loss of life for profit. | ||
| That's evil, right? | ||
| And that's a real thing. | ||
| Like, you could say evil is the devil. | ||
| Here's a little lighter here, buddy. | ||
| You could say evil is Satan and evil is demons and evil is, you know, exorcisms and shit. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Look at that, baby. | ||
| But also, evil is profit over human life, which is real. | ||
| Evil is cobalt mines in the Congo. | ||
| When you watch pregnant women mining for cobalt, getting toxic fumes in their lungs. | ||
| Some of them have babies on their back. | ||
| That's evil. | ||
| That's evil. | ||
| They're living in dirt floors with no sanitation. | ||
| It's horrific conditions and that is in everybody's cell phone. | ||
| In everyone's cell phone is the labor of essentially people so poor, they don't have to choose whether they're slaves or not. | ||
| There's no other option for them to work. | ||
| But there's a powerlessness that one feels like, what is little Bobby Lee gonna do about any of this? | ||
| So it's like, a lot of times I'm just like, you know, everything that you said, I'm with you, but I'm just saying that, like, it stresses me out. | ||
| It should. | ||
| Yeah, and I want to walk around a little bit more free, and, you know... | ||
| You deserve that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a comedian, man. | ||
| You provide laughter, and you help people, and if it's fucking you up... | ||
| Knowing about all this shit. | ||
| Yeah happening in the world that can get in the way of your job. | ||
| Yeah Yeah It's it's not an obligation to pay attention to everything. | ||
| Okay, but it is something that I think would help people break out of the cult Because that call it's like you think you're a good person if you buy hook line and sinker everything that the left says that's crazy These are the same people that want war. | ||
| These are the same people that are encouraging censorship. | ||
| These are the same people that are trying to silence dissent. | ||
| That's all totalitarian shit. | ||
| And just because it's done for trans kids or for Black Lives Matter or for any social... | ||
| Cause that you think is like undeniably worthy. | ||
| It's still the same thing at the end of the day. | ||
| The Patriot Act still controlled people in a way that was never allowed before. | ||
| And it did it under the guise that we have to stop a terrorist attack. | ||
| So even if they don't do evil shit to make these things happen, once these things happen, they take advantage by doing evil shit. | ||
| And they enact control over the people that they never had before. | ||
| And that's what they did during COVID. And the redistribution of wealth was insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The redistribution of wealth to big corporations and companies. | ||
| Like Gates profited that big. | ||
| Oh my God, so many people did. | ||
| Billions of dollars was moved. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, it just stresses me out. | ||
| You want to talk about the movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Can we talk about the movie I'm promoting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's your movie, Bobby? | ||
| Oh, I'm barely in it. | ||
| And they're making me, you know what I mean? | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| But they're making you do promo and you're barely in it? | ||
| Well, I have four scenes. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Drugstore June. | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| It's about a girl, Esther, right? | ||
| And she works at a pharmacy. | ||
| I play the main pharmacist. | ||
| And it's basically, she plays sort of like a Gen Z girl that's kind of out of touch. | ||
| It's kind of like a Juno, but it's more modern. | ||
| What I like about it, Joe, is this, okay? | ||
| Can I talk about Hollywood real quick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| There's still gatekeepers, right? | ||
| And for me, it's like... | ||
| I think I'm perceived as dangerous. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Because I'm on a podcast, I say shit, right? | ||
| And it's like, I'm always the fourth option. | ||
| It goes, Ronnie, Jimmy, Ken Jeong, right? | ||
| And I like acting, right? | ||
| So it's like, I think this is cool because it's like, everyone that's involved in it are dear friends of mine. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Pretty much everyone in the movie are people like Miss Pat and people that I know. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| And it's cool to like have... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's watch the trailer. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you were gonna give me a consultation for plastic surgery... | |
| That's not what I do here. | ||
| But just if you were, what do you think you would do to my face? | ||
| I'd probably start with your mouth. | ||
| Like lip filler? | ||
| No, I would sew that sucker shut. | ||
| I'm a loser. | ||
| Your Facebook group is right. | ||
| I have no life. | ||
| What did you ever see in this psycho? | ||
| One, two. | ||
| Oh, I messed it up. | ||
| I need a coffee break. | ||
| You're not even clocked in yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't been getting paid for any of this. | |
| Give me a double macchiato. | ||
| I brought you some hot chocolate. | ||
| You're interrupting my stream. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Bye, June squad. | ||
| Well, thank you, Chad. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| I heard the pharmacy got robbed. | ||
| What the hell happened in here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's your name? | |
| At Forever June on everything except snap at June Forever. | ||
| Your real life actual name. | ||
| June. | ||
| June. | ||
| This is not Queen June's private castle. | ||
| June the Almighty. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| June? | ||
| Oh my god, the poor man that ends up with her. | ||
| I think I'm gonna start doing some investigatory work. | ||
| Y'all heard anything about Pharmacy and Rob? | ||
| I don't watch the news. | ||
| All I do is smoke. | ||
| Wait! | ||
| Do you feel safe here? | ||
| I'm gonna have to! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm looking for information. | |
| Hey, baby boo. | ||
| June Squad has a lot of time on their hands. | ||
| Take it easy. | ||
| I'll tell you what you want. | ||
| What are you doing here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm collecting evidence. | |
| You watch too many movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You are not a police officer. | |
| Help us out here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, mug shots are so sexy. | |
| Can I take this home? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did you watch it? | ||
| No. | ||
| So that's the first time you've seen the clip? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Abby. | ||
| You know Abby Levitt told my manager. | ||
| She saw it. | ||
| She was like, it's pretty good. | ||
| And when she said that, I was just like, oh, I don't want to watch it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But, you know, I've got to promote it. | ||
| I'm sure you're great in it. | ||
| I'm sure you're great in it. | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| But I want to say, though, that it's like, you know, it's our friends. | ||
| It's like, you know, you and your friends got together and we made a movie. | ||
| And I heard it's great and it's going to go into theaters. | ||
| There's all these things. | ||
| I'm going to see it. | ||
| I'm going to eventually see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can't watch it myself. | ||
| Can I say something? | ||
| I've been to movies. | ||
| I get invited to premieres. | ||
| I leave. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to watch me. | ||
| This was pretty good. | ||
| Oh, that's me in Death and Roman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm pretty good in this. | ||
| It's in a short that just came out on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like 15 minutes long. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm okay in that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you want to get into acting. | ||
| You're enjoying it. | ||
| Can I ask you, you don't like it? | ||
| No, I don't like the process. | ||
| I love movies. | ||
| You're great in news radio. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Huge laughs. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Stand-up's more fun. | ||
| It is, but why can't you do all of it? | ||
| Because I don't want to deal with all those people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's why I did Fear Factor. | ||
| I didn't want to deal with actors anymore. | ||
| When Fear Factor came along, I was like, oh, this is perfect. | ||
| Not that there's anything wrong with that, and the cast on news radio were amazing. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| It's just, you deal with a certain kind of person that is 60% insane. | ||
| 60% of them are insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 40% of them are cool as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| But it's just like, I don't... | ||
| They're not fun to joke around with. | ||
| They're shitty. | ||
| They backstab. | ||
| They undermine you. | ||
| They go to producers and try to rewrite your words and say it conflicts with my lines. | ||
| It's like weird ego shit goes on with them. | ||
| They're weird, man. | ||
| They're weird people. | ||
| They are weird, but the jobs I have now, like I did Reservation Dogs. | ||
| I did I'm on Sex and the City, the new one. | ||
| Oh, how's that? | ||
| It's... | ||
| I said no to it the first couple of times that you're like, you want to do it? | ||
| Because I just didn't think that it was the right fit. | ||
| I had never seen it. | ||
| I know it's this big cultural thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just basically says, all I want to do is feel comfortable, dude. | ||
| I said that to MPK, that showrunner. | ||
| Because I don't want to go in there and feel like... | ||
| People are mean and I'm stressed out. | ||
| I don't need it. | ||
| And he comforted me. | ||
| He was like, no, we want you on the show. | ||
| And I would go to New York and everyone was super sweet. | ||
| I put myself in situations that aren't that. | ||
| I've had fucking directors call me a pan-faced gook. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, I had a director call me that was. | ||
| Was he also? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was a white. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long ago? | ||
| In the 90s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I didn't want to call the director. | ||
| He's a big director. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| And he called the other actress a whore. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's like, get on your mark, you pan-faced gook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| This is back, you know, when it wasn't woke. | ||
| Is he alive? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he doing movies still? | ||
| I want to so badly tell you who it is! | ||
| What's his name rhyme with? | ||
| No, I'm not playing this game! | ||
| I know the internet! | ||
| Will you tell me later? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, they're going to go through your IMDB, and they're going to find some likely candidates. | ||
| Maybe we should do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let the internet do it. | ||
| Maybe we can play Warmer. | ||
| Warmer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Warmer? | |
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| One time this director, I worked for this director. | ||
| Is he Italian? | ||
| No, I'm not playing this game. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| One time, I fucked up on a line, and he made the whole, everyone, like the cameraman, everyone, and the wardrobe form a circle. | ||
| They put me in the middle of the circle, and he goes, point your finger. | ||
| And they all pointed their finger at me, and he goes, repeat after me. | ||
| You're the worst actor on planet Earth. | ||
| And they all did that, and tears welled up in my eyes. | ||
| And I remember a wardrobe lady looked at me, and she goes, I'm so sorry. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I've had Michael Bay do something to me. | ||
| What did Michael Bay do to you? | ||
| He grabbed my face aggressively. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Why? | ||
| What'd you do to him? | ||
| Did you grab his balls? | ||
| Did you wake up with you sucking on his balls? | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| I do that for comics. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| Yeah, I don't do it when I'm like on a... | ||
| No, I did this... | ||
| So I booked this commercial with Eric Stonestreet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know Eric? | ||
| He's on Modern Family. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He plays the fat gay guy in it. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| So we played Tower Boys with Kim Cattrall. | ||
| It was a Pepsi commercial, I think. | ||
| And she was in this bathtub. | ||
| And I'd never acted before. | ||
| You know, Joe, I'm a stand... | ||
| I come from the same place you come, which is open mics and... | ||
| Stand up. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't learn how to act. | ||
| I don't know the fuck that... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I didn't know what a jib camera is or a mark or any of that shit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| So I had this scene where I had to bring these... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| I had to bring these towels into a... | ||
| You know, it was like stacked. | ||
| That was a joke. | ||
| And he would go, your face needs to be in the light. | ||
| And I go, oh, I don't know. | ||
| So I try to tilt every take. | ||
| The light! | ||
| The light! | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then, like, by the eighth one, he came from behind the thing, and he grabbed my face like this. | ||
| He goes, here! | ||
| Here! | ||
| And, like, tears. | ||
| Well, no, don't feel bad for me. | ||
| I'm a survivor. | ||
| That's your holocaust. | ||
| That was your Auschwitz, being in a movie, and Michael Bay tells you to put your face towards the light. | ||
| Yeah, but in the 90s, I experienced that shit, right? | ||
| Well, that seems like you really weren't putting your face towards the light, and he was freaking out, because they could only do that take so many times. | ||
| I'm kind of on Team Bay on that one. | ||
| You are, really? | ||
| Yeah, he just turned your face. | ||
| Oh, you're right. | ||
| You're making it sound like you- You're right, you're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mouth-fucked you. | |
| You're right, you're right, you're right. | ||
| Beat your ass in front of everybody. | ||
| You're right, you're absolutely right. | ||
| But- But? | ||
| Also, when you- When you come from a background like me, with your dad fucking acting crazy, when people scream, you feel it. | ||
| You got triggered. | ||
| Robocop, what's his name? | ||
| The original Robocop? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Peter... | |
| Peter Weir. | ||
| He's a screamer. | ||
| Screams. | ||
| Screamed at you? | ||
| Yeah, I was on Magnum. | ||
| He does it to everyone. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Oh yeah, back in the day we wouldn't have sides! | ||
| You can't remember one line? | ||
| He would yell shit like that, right? | ||
| And every time he would do it, I would tense up. | ||
| I'm not a pussy, dude. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I'm a warrior, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, right, I just went to the showrunner. | ||
| I go, next time I'm on the showrunner, maybe not him. | ||
| So they just didn't, you know? | ||
| But anyway, now I do shit that's like where I feel like I'm wanted. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'll do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's not like that crazy bullshit where I need... | ||
| Back then I needed it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When someone would say something horrible to you, you just had to swallow it. | ||
| You would absorb it. | ||
| But there was also no recourse back then. | ||
| I mean, that's how you get to like a Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| A guy who has ultimate control, can do whatever the fuck he wants, and does. | ||
| Ruins people's lives and careers if they don't accept his advances. | ||
| That whole business has always been about powerful people abusing the people that had to listen to them. | ||
| From casting directors, all the way up to producers. | ||
| It was different then, yeah. | ||
| Look, Tarantino was in here and he was talking about this old-school director who had, his office had a bedroom where he'd take the starlets, all the starlets had to fuck him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He had a bedroom in his fucking office. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So everyone just assumed if a casting, you know, thing was going on and a girl came into his office, he fucked her. | ||
| And 20 years ago, I would have done it, I think. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I think that if... | ||
| I think that it was a huge director, right? | ||
| You wouldn't fuck him? | ||
| No, I would suck his dick, maybe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think I wouldn't tell you. | ||
| Well, there's definitely... | ||
| I would just cry. | ||
| You could have filled with some offers if that was out there. | ||
| What? | ||
| You could have gotten some offers if that was out there. | ||
| Maybe you weren't open enough with your desire to make it. | ||
| I just think that back then, I was so like... | ||
| I had no money. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And in my mind, I'd be like... | ||
| Oh, this is the way it's supposed to happen. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, imagine if you're an actress, right, and you come out to Hollywood from fucking Kansas, you're 20 years old, and you are all of a sudden in this producer's office, and he's 50, and he's been banging stars for 20 fucking years, and you don't know how it all works, and he explains to you, listen, honey, this is how it works in this business. | ||
| You're like, well, I mean, okay. | ||
| Do you want to be an actress? | ||
| And you're kind of mentally ill anyway. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, I do so much. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like, no one has to know about this. | ||
| Oh, okay, you won't tell anybody. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's fucking terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's probably what they did forever. | ||
| It's so fucking terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I know we have problems with the word woke, but I think in many ways, Hollywood wokeness is also good. | ||
| Yeah, that way. | ||
| In a stopping the abuse way. | ||
| But the problem is, there's like, in Hollywood in particular, there was an overcorrection and crazy people like Amber Heard got involved. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Manipulating the truth to sort of gain sympathy. | ||
| You've got a lot of those cases too. | ||
| The Chris Hardwick case. | ||
| There's a lot of those where the reality is so different than the truth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And everybody just assumes that the woman's not insane and that she's telling the truth. | ||
| See you but you're gonna have to have a few of those if you're gonna have to have real change like a real Correction of actual abuse you're going to it's just like if you're gonna like accept trans people You're going to have a bunch of instances of perverts pretending to be trans if you're going to say hey We have to stop abuse you're gonna get fake abuse you're gonna get people to come out I know man, and that's the way Hollywood is like human bad. | ||
| It's the way humans are and But in the sense of a show like Beef getting greenlit, which is mostly all Korean or Asian cast, I think in that way it's good, right? | ||
| But there is an overcorrection in terms of like... | ||
| It's good because that show's good, right? | ||
| That's why it's good. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It's good when the show's good. | ||
| Even if the show was good back then, 20 years ago, they would never... | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, they would never wrote it. | ||
| That's better about acceptance. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But it's still... | ||
| I think art has to be—particularly stand-up is the best example I can speak about that—has to be a meritocracy. | ||
| It has to be what is actually funny. | ||
| At the Mothership, we have a fucking very clear mandate. | ||
| No one gives a fuck if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are trans, if you are black, if you are Asian, if you're white. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| Are you funny? | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Are you funny? | ||
| And that's our goal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The goal is, and that's what comedy used to be. | ||
| I had this conversation with Ali Wong once, and she was like, do you think comedy is a meritocracy? | ||
| I was like, ultimately it has to be. | ||
| Because at the end of the day, what's funny is what people are going to come see again. | ||
| And you could pander, and you can get away... | ||
| You can kind of like be half-assed and be treated like you're better than you are. | ||
| You see that all the time when they make those lists of the best stand-up specials of the year and some of them are like, what the fuck are you saying? | ||
| You're so crazy if you think this is good. | ||
| And they're only saying it because it's the right demographic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you can say that if they're talking about the right points. | ||
| Even if the stand-up is clunky and awful and Unoriginal and just garbage. | ||
| They'll tell you it's amazing. | ||
| And I don't want to kiss your ass. | ||
| May I for a second though? | ||
| Just accept it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Just hear me out, okay? | ||
| Okay, I'm gonna hear you out. | ||
| I just feel like, you know, in a way... | ||
| You carved the way, for me specifically, because before I did Tiger Belly and Bad Friends, I mean, Joe, I'll be honest with you. | ||
| I mean, I would do half rooms. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Even though the eight years of Mad TV and all the things I had done, right? | ||
| And I couldn't get an audience. | ||
| And now, I mean, it's just like, it's night and day. | ||
| I mean, the path that you laid down. | ||
| And even back then, when we used to do it at the Ice House, and it used to pop in back in the day, right? | ||
| It's sort of like, I think it just kind of like subconsciously absorbed it, and it became a path for me, and it changed my life. | ||
| That's beautiful to hear. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's beautiful to hear. | ||
| And when I go on the road now, it's like I get people that are like really... | ||
| They're fans. | ||
| They know me, they love me, and I love them as well, you know? | ||
| And it's a different fucking deal, dude. | ||
| You are a creature of the internet. | ||
| I am! | ||
| Yeah, and you should be. | ||
| And the internet changed the game. | ||
| The internet also made it, instead of a famine thing, people had an abundance mentality. | ||
| Because when we first started in the 90s, there was only a few shows you could get on. | ||
| You got on MADtv. | ||
| I got on news radio. | ||
| There's only a few shows. | ||
| And you were really lucky if you were on a show. | ||
| I remember we would talk about it all the time. | ||
| Oh my God, I'm so lucky. | ||
| Miracle. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| We're on TV. Oh my God, we're so lucky. | ||
| But... | ||
| There was other people that didn't get your spot, and they hated it, and they were mad at you. | ||
| Like, if you cast for Mad TV and other comics at the club, you know, I know you experienced that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they were fucking jealous and bitter, and they would talk shit about you. | ||
| He fucking sucks on that show. | ||
| He doesn't do anything. | ||
| And they're just angry that it didn't happen to them. | ||
| Because it could have happened to them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, instead of that, now we're valuable to each other. | ||
| Because now we're a community of podcasters and comedians. | ||
| And instead of us being like in competition with each other, we all feed off of each other and we all support each other. | ||
| It's a much better environment for stand-up. | ||
| It's a much better environment for comedy clubs. | ||
| It's like everything's better now. | ||
| It's also the connection with East Coast, too. | ||
| It's like before, I felt like there was a rivalry almost, right? | ||
| And now it's like, when I go to New York, and as soon as I land, I don't even call. | ||
| The seller will call me and go, what spots do you want? | ||
| And then all the comments will come by the pod. | ||
| It's like a family. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah, that happened during the podcast revolution. | ||
| That's what changed everything. | ||
| You think it's going down now? | ||
| Going down? | ||
| The podcast revolution. | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| Are we in downswing or upswing? | ||
| No, it's not a downswing at all. | ||
| If you pay attention to the numbers, more people are listening now than ever. | ||
| All the podcasts. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| And it's awesome because you get to see people for who they really are. | ||
| No bullshit, no filter, no nonsense. | ||
| You can't nonsense people for three hours. | ||
| At a certain point in time, your fucking demons will show their ugly face. | ||
| It's really who you are. | ||
| It also shapes who you are because you get to experience feedback and examine how you think about things and why you say the things you say. | ||
| In the early days, how much of what we used to say was just for shock value. | ||
| You would go on a morning radio show. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| We would try to say as shocking things as we could because that was the way to get attention. | ||
| Especially like Opie and Anthony. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We don't have to talk about it. | ||
| No, I could vaguely go around it. | ||
| I'm just like, at the time... | ||
| We all did it. | ||
| Yeah, I was a survivor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, this is the culture. | ||
| Yeah, this is the culture. | ||
| And also, I'm like an LA comic. | ||
| I'm an Opie and Anthony with beasts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Patrice, Norton, all those guys were fucking beasts. | ||
| And it's like, you know, and then, you know, at the time, you know, and then later and then now, you know, but it's like... | ||
| But now it's a much more honest thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because now you do your own thing, right? | ||
| And if people want to see Bobby, they know how to find Bobby. | ||
| And they seek you out. | ||
| So it's not like some random person's tuning in, like, who's this guy? | ||
| And then you have to say something crazy to get attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now it's just you could be yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the difference. | ||
| If you got a million views on Tiger Belly, that's a million people that really want to watch your show. | ||
| That's not random. | ||
| If you got a million people that are on some Comedy Central show, a million people watching that, they're flipping channels. | ||
| How many of them are looking forward to it? | ||
| How many of them just stumbled upon it? | ||
| It's probably quite a bit. | ||
| Most shows don't have loyal, dedicated viewers. | ||
| Unless they're streaming shows. | ||
| If you're watching Stranger Things, that's what you want to watch. | ||
| But there's a lot of things that are just not that popular, and the numbers are still not as good. | ||
| The podcast thing is a wild thing. | ||
| I drive down the street in LA, and I see a show. | ||
| I'm like, who the fucker? | ||
| Who's on that? | ||
| No one's gonna watch that! | ||
| I mean, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it's good. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I like that they're still doing them. | ||
| I don't want them to go away. | ||
| They tried to kill that, man. | ||
| This fucking Last Strike. | ||
| Dude, I had so many friends that stopped doing stand-up and had just been writing that went into a panic because they had mortgages and they just started... | ||
| Camille started doing stand-up again, right? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was hard. | ||
| He hadn't done stand-up in seven years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I know Owen Smith was getting back on the road again. | ||
| We had him at the mothership. | ||
| But he's a guy that I was always saying, like, that guy, that's a velvet prison for that guy. | ||
| He's too good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's too good at stand-up to not be huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's one of the best comics in the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like top 20 in the country without a doubt. | ||
| No question at all. | ||
| Owen Smith. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I'm making a list of top 20 in the country, Owen Smith's on that list. | ||
| He shouldn't wear sweatpants on stage, though. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Let him wear sweatpants. | ||
| He's got a big ass dick. | ||
| He's a big dick. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| He's funny, man. | ||
| He's so funny, that guy. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big dick, too. | |
| That's a good thing. | ||
| He was in town just a couple weeks ago. | ||
| We all sat in the balcony and watched his set. | ||
| He did my show, and then he did my show on Thursday, and then he did the weekend he headlined. | ||
| They said it was awesome. | ||
| I just always wanted to tell your fans, I have a pretty medium-sized dick. | ||
| It's regular. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I've seen it in a gang of times. | ||
| I know! | ||
| Online, they're like, it's like a minion. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| It's a regular. | ||
| It works. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Squirts. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing wrong with it. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you so much. | |
| Every other day, it squirts. | ||
| Yeah, everything is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It works. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fine. | |
| I got that out there, you know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| People are rude. | ||
| Judging you by something you can't control. | ||
| Yeah, but it's been a real blessing, man. | ||
| It really has. | ||
| The podcast thing is a blessing for all of us, obviously. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it changed stand-up. | ||
| It really did. | ||
| It created way more theater acts. | ||
| There's so many more theater acts and arena acts. | ||
| Guys like Schultz and all these guys, and they're just releasing their stuff on the internet, doing podcasts, becoming popular through podcasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's an amazing way to live. | ||
| I was in Hawaii, Sigur was in town, I was just there vacationing, and Sigur goes, I'm doing a show, do it. | ||
| So they didn't announce me. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| It was like 6,000 seats or whatever, right? | ||
| It's not a bragging thing, but when they said my name, and I walked up there, I had never felt that before in my life. | ||
| It was a pure love. | ||
| How many days are you in town for? | ||
| I leave tomorrow morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| I know. | ||
| Change your flight. | ||
| Do my show tomorrow night at 7. Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'll change. | ||
| Bert's going to do it, too. | ||
| Oh, he is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's in town? | ||
| Crash is in town. | ||
| Oh, I'll do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It'll be fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'll be fun. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They're going to go bananas. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| That'll be great. | ||
| The beautiful thing about those shows, Shane will be on the show, too. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'll have you go before. | ||
| Hard hitters, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, here's the thing, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is what's great about it. | ||
| I'm not afraid. | ||
| No, you shouldn't be afraid. | ||
| I'll follow you. | ||
| It would be hard. | ||
| Very difficult. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I would try. | ||
| I wouldn't be afraid of doing it. | ||
| Listen, the show's going to be amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's going to be amazing. | ||
| Hinchcliffe's on the show. | ||
| It's going to be amazing. | ||
| Brian Simpson's here. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Oh, he's the best. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's so good, dude. | ||
| It was good to see also old friends last night. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I miss them. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| We took all the good people. | ||
| You fucked us. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I made life better for these folks. | ||
| It's a better place to be, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a better place to live. | ||
| There's less traffic. | ||
| And so many people last night after the show were like, move here. | ||
| When are you moving here? | ||
| And I'm like, I'm going to talk to Andrew about it. | ||
| You should. | ||
| But we have to move together. | ||
| Yeah, but look. | ||
| Or we could have a house that we come every once in a while. | ||
| You should. | ||
| You should. | ||
| Look, Santino would love it here. | ||
| I know he would. | ||
| He would love it here. | ||
| He likes doing TV shows too, though, that fucking idiot. | ||
| I know, but it's a different craft. | ||
| I'll tell you something. | ||
| He always wanted to be an actor. | ||
| No, but guys like Schultz and these young guys, right? | ||
| It's not a part of their dream. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But when I came to LA, I was like, I want to do movies. | ||
| I love movies. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| But here's the thing, Bobby. | ||
| You can always still do movies. | ||
| I still get offers for movies. | ||
| You can still do them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I am doing them, yeah. | ||
| 100% could go back and do them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're a free man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And you've got some cash. | ||
| I know, but comics make fun of me about it. | ||
| You should see Hinchcliffe's apartment. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Hinchcliffe has this fucking insane apartment. | ||
| I know. | ||
| With his giant balcony, which you can get here in Austin, would cost you $20 million in New York. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh my god, it's incredible. | ||
| The life there is amazing. | ||
| The life in downtown Austin, there's so many great restaurants. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People are cool as fuck. | ||
| Tonight we're to the pasta bar. | ||
| It's gonna be great. | ||
| Oh, that place is great. | ||
| Great, yeah. | ||
| Dude, it's incredible here. | ||
| I know it is, dude. | ||
| And there's so much live music here. | ||
| I mean, Gary Clark Jr. has a club. | ||
| He has Antones. | ||
| He's one of the owners there. | ||
| He's there all the time. | ||
| Last night after the show, this tall blonde that would never talk to me in LA came up to me and gave me a side hug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, side hug. | |
| And we connected eyeballs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if I lived here, I think I could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| And I'm like, that also is an incentive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because I'm single. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Texas girls. | |
| I love Texas girls. | ||
| They're so nice. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They're so womanly. | ||
| I love Win Win Lee, Win Win Lee. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I like. | ||
| Yeah, I love it too. | ||
| Anyway, really good to be here. | ||
| Great to have you. | ||
| You can bail if you want. | ||
| You're going to keep going? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Why? | ||
| We can stop. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It doesn't? | ||
| No, we're talking. | ||
| Two and a half hours. | ||
| That's good enough. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| That's plenty. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But if I leave, you're going to keep going? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Let's just stop now. | ||
| So the next time I have all the things I want to talk about. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Perfect, Bobby. | ||
| Thanks for having me on. | ||
| Beautiful podcast. | ||
| So great. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| Thank you so much for having me. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| Watch Drunk Store June. | ||
| So now that we cracked our ice and we did this, we'll do them more often, right? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And please, consider moving here, man. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| Like I said, Theo's considerate, Pauly's considerate. | ||
| Pauly Shore is a different human being now. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Pauly Shore is so loose and so friendly and so silly on stage. | ||
| Oh, I love him. | ||
| And he's killing. | ||
| Killing. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He went up in the little boy, the little room, and I hadn't seen him in years. | ||
| And I go, dude, that was so funny. | ||
| You were so loose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was like, at the comedy store, I was always tense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, it's hard for me to be free. | ||
| He's a different person. | ||
| Also, I wouldn't be in this business without him. | ||
| And that family. | ||
| Oh, her. | ||
| I mean, that's why she's here. | ||
| She said two things to me as a young comic. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's a sin to support mediocrity. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I still don't know what it means, but I still have it in my heart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| One day I was at Bully's restaurant in La Jolla with her. | ||
| When Freddy Soda used to drive her down, he would go, come eat with us. | ||
| I miss Freddy so much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do too. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And so one day we were sitting there at Bully's restaurant in La Jolla and she goes, do you know what makes a star? | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| She goes, 50% of the people have to love you, but it's okay that the other half hates you. | ||
| It's all in the same. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And it's like, when I read bad comments now, you know, because I get some because I've risen, right? | ||
| I just take that into the thing that it's like, it's a tension, right? | ||
| It's not personal. | ||
| You know what I would tell you to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Don't read them. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't. | ||
| Don't read anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| So you don't read? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't read articles about me. | ||
| I don't read shit. | ||
| But if you read it, would it hurt your feelings? | ||
| It could. | ||
| Yeah, it could. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It could bother you. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You're a human being. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Someone says something, especially if it's not true, and it's influencing people in a fucked up way, or it paints the least charitable version of you. | ||
| People also don't realize that I'm a sensitive guy. | ||
| We're all sensitive. | ||
| They're sensitive, too. | ||
| That's why they're lashing out. | ||
| The reason why they're writing mean shit is because they know what hurts them. | ||
| A kind person, a happy person, wouldn't be writing shitty things about you. | ||
| They're doing it because they're... | ||
| It's that old expression, hurt people hurt people. | ||
| But when they make shit up... | ||
| Dude, the other day I read... | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I read this. | ||
| This is what I read. | ||
| I heard Bobby Lee abuses his animals. | ||
| Because they want to hurt your feelings. | ||
| They want you to get angry. | ||
| I get my cats Nobu. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| Shashimi, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get them the best. | ||
| I go, what's the most expensive shit? | ||
| The healthiest shit. | ||
| But should they have all those oils and stuff on? | ||
| It's not every day. | ||
| Every other month. | ||
| Isn't it weird that cats hate water, but they love fish? | ||
| It's kind of crazy, right? | ||
| It's crazy, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They love fish. | ||
| They love fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| They don't want to go nowhere near that fucking water. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, I don't abuse my animals. | ||
| I love animals more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course you don't. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But it's like insane. | ||
| Of course you don't. | ||
| Of course you don't. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So I don't read it. | ||
| Yeah, just don't read it because even if you read a hundred things that are awesome, one that sucks is going to stick in your head because that's how a human mind is designed. | ||
| It's designed to find danger in conflict and look out for it because it could hurt you. | ||
| And so when you see that one thing, that's the thing you're gonna concentrate on. | ||
| It's the one person that hates you. | ||
| Why do they hate me? | ||
| Oh my god, what if they're near me? | ||
| That feeling of hate is the same feeling that you would get if there's someone that's dangerous. | ||
| It's from another tribe that's looking at you over the hill and you think they might want to kill you. | ||
| Like, ah, fuck! | ||
| And you have to think about them. | ||
| You don't think about your friends that love you. | ||
| You think about the danger. | ||
| And that's natural. | ||
| It's a natural inclination of the human mind. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you do that with social media, too. | ||
| You don't seek out the danger then? | ||
| No, don't do it and don't spread it either. | ||
| The people that spread it, you don't realize what you're doing, but you're also affecting yourself. | ||
| Because you know that what you're doing, unless it's like the person you're going after, some legitimate Nazi or something. | ||
| I mean like most of the time when people are attacking, they're attacking someone to try to hurt them because they know that they can be hurt too. | ||
| A lot of the people that are doing this shit on social media all day long, we know them. | ||
| They're mentally ill people. | ||
| I don't need to name any names, but I can't. | ||
| But there's some of our severely mentally ill people that are just liars, they're insane, they're full of shit, they're on medication and in therapy, and they're just lashing out at other people's behavior. | ||
| And it's like they don't realize that To be a good person also means to be nice to everybody. | ||
| Just because someone has a differing view on something, you can't demonize them and turn them into a non-human. | ||
| But people do that because they're terrified of that happening to them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I also don't... | ||
| When people try to do things like that, I'm not mad at them either. | ||
| I don't have thoughts of revenge. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just feel bummed that they feel that way or whatever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But I have no... | ||
| I have love for people. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I have love for you, Bobby. | ||
| Anyway, thank you. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| Bye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
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