Jan. 20, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:48:27
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Didn't bring no motherfucking glasses, bro Oh, do you need some? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have some. | ||
| Just in case, if you're gonna show me something interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Thank you sir. | ||
| Thank you sir. | ||
| So I started doing this red light bed. | ||
| I started doing two things to help my eyes. | ||
| One, I started taking Pure Encapsulations. | ||
| They have this, what is it called? | ||
| Macro support? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it called? | |
| Anyway, it's a bunch of supplements that they put together to stop your eyesight from going bad. | ||
| And it's legit. | ||
| Macular support? | ||
| Macular support, that's it. | ||
| You like it? | ||
| Oh, legit. | ||
| It stopped. | ||
| Whatever the deterioration that I was experiencing, where my eyesight was starting to go, it stopped. | ||
| Just stopped it. | ||
| And it made it a little bit better. | ||
| And then I started doing this red light bed. | ||
| So I had this guy Gary Brack on the podcast. | ||
| He's explaining to me how red light... | ||
| Revitalizes your capillaries and helps your vision come back And so I've been doing that now for about six weeks and I've noticed an improvement Like I don't need reading glasses as much if I'm reading things on my phone I can read some things that I just was not gonna be able to read and more importantly it's not getting worse because like it was like kind of every Six months, eight months or so, I'd notice my eyes are worse. | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
| After like 46, it seemed like. | ||
| Somewhere around 46, it was like it dropped off a cliff. | ||
| And you did the right thing, because you didn't submit to these. | ||
| My mistake was to submit to these when I was like 43, 44. By 44, I could see I was having problems already. | ||
| And I submitted to these. | ||
| And this is worse for you. | ||
| That's why I used to tell you, don't put the glasses on. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Make your eyes muscle, that thing. | ||
| It's like when you wear fucking hearing aids. | ||
| Like, your hearing gets lost. | ||
| Well, they say with vision, like, the problem is we're looking at things that are real close up all the time. | ||
| And your eyes are supposed to do a bunch of different things. | ||
| They're supposed to look at stuff in the distance, supposed to look at things up close. | ||
| And if you don't look at things in the distance all the time, you lose that ability. | ||
| Well, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. | ||
| I'm not trying to be cute here. | ||
| I lost my eyesight when I stopped doing coke. | ||
| Because when I was doing coke, my eyesight was on point. | ||
| I could see a light from fucking two miles away. | ||
|
unidentified
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That light's green. | |
| We gotta make it. | ||
| Once I stopped doing coke, my eyesight went right into the fucking shitter. | ||
| So when I was snorting, I had 20-20 vision. | ||
| I could see coke rocks and the carpet and shit. | ||
| Now I can't see shit if there's a coke rock on the fucking floor. | ||
| I guess it's blood flow. | ||
| If you think about it, blood flow to the brain. | ||
| I mean, doesn't coke give you like a crazy amount of blood flow to your brain? | ||
| I mean, it must. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a stimulant, right? | |
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea where the blood goes. | ||
| Joey, thank God I never got into that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Thank God I never got into that. | ||
| And especially now. | ||
| Like now I see these people that are snorting anything. | ||
| To snort anything today, you've got to be fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you can do it. | ||
| Heroin, these people who put the fucking test, like if you go to a bar in New York, they have tests. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you fucking kidding me? | |
| Once you test cocaine, it's time to do something different. | ||
| If you gotta test your coke, it's time to do something different. | ||
| You know what's going on here? | ||
| Ketamine. | ||
| Everybody's doing ketamine. | ||
| They do nasal sprays. | ||
| We had some lady go into a K-hole in the middle of our comedy show. | ||
| She's fucking falling down like this. | ||
| And they brought in the Narcan and shit. | ||
| They were worried that she had overdosed. | ||
| And her wife was like, no, no, no, she's just been doing ketamine. | ||
| She just did too much. | ||
| So I did a couple of lines of that one time at the podcast studio. | ||
| And it was okay. | ||
| I did the podcast. | ||
| But whoever gave me the ketamine left like a pile of it on the desk. | ||
| You know, after we did a couple of lines. | ||
| So he left and me and Lee were talking. | ||
| And I go, Lee, what are we going to do with this fucking thing? | ||
| And he goes, I don't know, throw it away. | ||
| I go, fuck that. | ||
| It was about 8, 30, 9 o'clock at night. | ||
| I had done three lines, maybe, and I was buzzed, but it didn't take me over the top. | ||
| I did those. | ||
| Now, I lived six minutes from the podcast studio in LA. When I got to the first light to make the left, I knew it was not gonna be a good drive home. | ||
| It was not gonna be a good drive home, okay? | ||
| I had done too much. | ||
| And then I got home, and when I put my foot out of the car, That was it. | ||
| It was lights out after that. | ||
| And I'm like, I am fucked up. | ||
| What do you mean like lights out? | ||
| Like what way? | ||
| Like I was fucked up. | ||
| I don't know what was going on. | ||
| It's a different kind of fucked up, right? | ||
| It's a different type of fucked up. | ||
| And then I went in the house and god damn it, my wife is awake. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh no. | |
| Now I gotta talk to her. | ||
| So I ran in my office, and I'm in there 15 minutes getting higher and higher. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And shit, my body's feeling weird, and I go, I better go out there before she comes in here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And she was watching True... | ||
| True Crimes? | ||
| Detective, whatever, on HBO. Oh, okay. | ||
| And it was the dude from The Green Book and the other guy. | ||
| The Green... | ||
| The brother, the guy who won the Green Book with the guy who drove him in the South. | ||
| He played the piano player. | ||
| Anyway, it doesn't matter. | ||
| You ever saw the Green Book? | ||
| I don't think I saw the Green Book. | ||
| That's a good fucking movie. | ||
| Oh, we were talking about him yesterday, Marshal Ali. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That guy's awesome, man. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He was great in that Netflix documentary, or the Netflix show we were just talking about, about the end of the world with Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke. | ||
| Oh, I didn't see that. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| Fucking Giannis hated it, though, huh? | ||
| He's trying to get me to hate it. | ||
| I kind of went with him a little bit. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He influenced me. | ||
| I was like, yeah, there were some parts I didn't like. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't like the animals. | ||
| The CG animals. | ||
| Yeah, a bunch of CGI animals staring at people. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| You don't need to do this to me. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but I looked at him, and while I was watching TV, his head kept getting bigger. | ||
| And I'm like, I couldn't take it. | ||
| I'm sitting there. | ||
| I got no T-shirt on. | ||
| I'm sweating profusiously. | ||
| She's kind of looking at me. | ||
| I'm kind of looking at her. | ||
| Your wife is a fucking angel. | ||
| And finally, I couldn't take it no more. | ||
| I couldn't take it on one. | ||
| I go, what the hell's going on here? | ||
| And she said, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| I'll change it. | ||
| She didn't know. | ||
| I told her the next morning. | ||
| I said, let me tell you something. | ||
| When I came last night, I was not doing too good. | ||
| You know, people think that you fuck around. | ||
| Like when I was living in LA, people think like you fuck around and you don't have no. | ||
| Everybody always thinks like I just got high and had no fucking consequences. | ||
| I just never told you about what I dealt with. | ||
| You know, one night I ate mushrooms. | ||
| And I went home and the fucking mushrooms hit. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I ate like three little fucking things at the office. | ||
| The mushrooms hit. | ||
| And that's the day The Exorcist came on. | ||
| And I had to watch it. | ||
| And I'm like, what the... | ||
| And I finally ran into the room and put the blankets over my head. | ||
| It was too fucking real. | ||
| Like, I have horrible... | ||
| High stories. | ||
| I just don't repeat them because, you know, people won't believe them. | ||
| I remember when we were on a plane once and you were eating stars of death and we were like almost at New York and it was like an hour before the plane landing. | ||
| Joe Rogan, I almost fucking lost it. | ||
| I almost fucking lost it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was having a panic attack. | |
| It was getting bad. | ||
| It was getting bad. | ||
| And then you go, but I'm back! | ||
| And then you pop two more. | ||
| I'm like, how did you just fucking do that? | ||
| You just had a panic attack almost. | ||
| You know, for three years I cried about this anxiety, anxiety, I can't take it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking, I don't do edibles now. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Monday nights. | ||
| So was it edibles that was giving you the anxiety? | ||
| You said it yourself. | ||
| You can't live on a 2,000 milligrams a goddamn day. | ||
| Something's got to fall apart eventually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, that was kicking it up, and then... | ||
| I would get... | ||
| Anytime I would get above 200 milligrams, the whole world was just, like, very slippery. | ||
| Very slippery. | ||
| I could see how edibles can get someone to legitimately lose their mind. | ||
| That's why when I was talking to Alex Berenson, he wrote that book, Tell Your Children. | ||
| It's all about schizophrenia and about how there are people that get introduced to high doses of marijuana and it induces schizophrenia. | ||
| We both know a couple of people that have had that happen to. | ||
| I'm like, this is real. | ||
| I think marijuana is very beneficial in low to moderate doses. | ||
| Well, you get above certain doses with certain psychologies, certain people, certain times of their life, you know, certain things they're going through. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You could fucking crack. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You could... | ||
| And I can tell you that. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| Because at times, you know... | ||
| It gets... | ||
| Marijuana at the high doses is not what people think it is. | ||
| It gets to that very psychedelic place where it's like, this might as well be acid. | ||
| Like the real high doses. | ||
| There's some time where Eddie Bravo had these THC pills. | ||
| One of his students had made his own pills. | ||
| Had like turned Keef into pills. | ||
| I forget how many we took but I was talking to this one dude and like I might as well have been in another dimension. | ||
| Like my relationship to reality was very slippery. | ||
| I was like, if I was losing my mind right now, if I wasn't in a good place in my life, you know, life is falling apart, maybe you're, you know, getting fired, your house is repossessed, going through a divorce, maybe you have cancer, who knows, whatever it is, and then you get that dose, it could send you over the top. | ||
| Bro, I had a guy come over from jiu-jitsu one day. | ||
| We're just hanging out, and he goes, I want to do a bonk here with you. | ||
| I gave him two bonkets of what I smoked. | ||
| He puked in my yard. | ||
| He was like, I don't know how you do this every day. | ||
| Two fucking bonkets. | ||
| Let me get a light up. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's also like when someone runs marathons. | ||
| You try to run a marathon with them. | ||
| I don't know how you run a marathon. | ||
| Well, you fucking, you gotta build up to it. | ||
| You're building up to that, too. | ||
| It's all building up, you know? | ||
| This new weed that's coming out now, these people aren't ready for it. | ||
| It's too strong. | ||
| And more people are smoking pot now than ever before, whether it's vapor pens, everybody's doing something. | ||
| Is that, like, because it's legal, right? | ||
| I wonder what the numbers are. | ||
| Because it's legal in, what is it now, Jamie? | ||
| 19 states? | ||
| Shitload of states. | ||
| It's decriminalized in the city of Austin, but it's legal in a lot of states like New Jersey, New York, California, recreational use, Nevada, Colorado, Oregon. | ||
| I would imagine there's more people smoking it now just because of that, because it's legal, right? | ||
| You've got to come home from work. | ||
| Instead of getting beer or whatever the fuck you get, you go in and you get one of these joints for 25 bucks. | ||
| This'll last the regular person the whole weekend. | ||
| And it doesn't kill your body. | ||
| It doesn't kill you. | ||
| It doesn't kill your body. | ||
| That's the big one. | ||
| For me, like when I was doing jujitsu every day... | ||
| If I was getting high and doing jujitsu, it actually made my jujitsu better. | ||
| Like, I felt like my jujitsu was more smooth. | ||
| I was more focused. | ||
| But I never felt wrecked the next day. | ||
| But if I drank the night before and then tried to go into class the next day, I always felt like 30% less. | ||
| I was like, this is terrible. | ||
| I was like, I gotta stop drinking. | ||
| Because every time I would go out drinking, and then I'd go into class, I'd just get manhandled. | ||
| I'd just get wrecked. | ||
| Just couldn't keep up. | ||
| When you're hungover, it's the worst feeling. | ||
| What have I done to myself for just a few hours of fun? | ||
| You know, it's really crazy that we don't really know what alcohol does to our bodies. | ||
| But it's not good. | ||
| You know how you find out? | ||
| Get one of those aura rings. | ||
| Get an Oura Ring or a Whoop Strap, one of those Whoop Straps. | ||
| I got one. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Check your Whoop Strap. | ||
| Have a couple of cocktails. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then check your Whoop Strap. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like, I only had two drinks, two glasses of wine. | ||
| Your recovery will be way down. | ||
| The Whoop Strap is very beneficial for that. | ||
| Because it tracks your heart rate variability and it gives you like a real accurate assessment of what happens when you fuck around with things. | ||
| Because if you just do something different, like, I just cut out sugar. | ||
| Oh, whoa, look at how much better my recovery is. | ||
| You know, oh, I stopped drinking alcohol. | ||
| Whoa, recovery's through the roof. | ||
| I committed to drinking X amount of liters of water every day. | ||
| Whoa, look at all this recovery. | ||
| Look, my body's functioning better. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know, it's like it gives you real feedback. | |
| Your buddy, that when I got the whoop, it was for recovery purposes. | ||
| I don't like being that fucking sore. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So I want to know where I am throughout the day. | ||
| I got the whoop, and I gotta be honest with you, you know what improved the best? | ||
| My sleep. | ||
| Because when I got the whoop, we all think we sleep eight hours. | ||
| Everybody thinks they sleep fucking eight hours. | ||
| Get the fucking whoop and get back to me. | ||
| You'll see that you're sleeping 5.45, 6.10, and you're like, this ain't working. | ||
| So I started doing things to help my sleep. | ||
| Joe, do you know I sleep eight now, and at four o'clock, five o'clock, I gotta go down for an hour. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Take a nap. | ||
| You know when I took, I never took a fucking nap since you know me. | ||
| Take a nap. | ||
| One hour. | ||
| Get up, I feel tip-top Magoo, and that's when I start smoking weed and having a good time. | ||
| Yeah, I can function on five. | ||
| I do well on six. | ||
| When I'm doing eight plus, I'm at my best. | ||
| I know the difference. | ||
| Like, there's days that I come in here where Maybe I had a late show, got out of the club late, and then maybe I had to take the kids to school in the morning, or maybe I had an appointment, or maybe I had something I had to do so I had to get up early so I only got like five or six. | ||
| I can function. | ||
| But in my mind, I'm like, that's a check I have to pay. | ||
| That's a bill I have to pay. | ||
| So I have to make sure tonight I get like 10 or 11. Tonight I really want to get some serious sleep, no booze, hit the sauna, hit the cold, get my body prepped. | ||
| Sauna and a cold plunge before you go to bed? | ||
| Oh my god, you sleep like a baby. | ||
| You sleep like a baby. | ||
| You sleep so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I haven't worked myself up to the cold plunge yet, but I do the red light sauna twice a week. | ||
| You can do it right now. | ||
| Red light sauna's great. | ||
| I think any sauna's great. | ||
| Even a hot bath is great. | ||
| The whole idea is just warming your body up. | ||
| Just getting your body so it's uncomfortable. | ||
| But the real studies are on the regular sauna. | ||
| We got a Salus sauna. | ||
| I have that for here and that for my house. | ||
| They're the shit, man. | ||
| The one we have here is so nice. | ||
| It's set up. | ||
| It's all Bluetooth. | ||
| You set it up off your phone. | ||
| Like, so you're on your way to the gym. | ||
| If you're on your way to the gym, set the sauna 190. It takes a while. | ||
| It takes a while to cook. | ||
| Then, you know, you're sitting in that thing and if you do that on a regular basis, you get used to it. | ||
| You get used to being uncomfortable, but goddamn you feel good. | ||
| Like your joints feel good. | ||
| All the stiffness kind of feels like it goes away. | ||
| Your mood feels better. | ||
| You sleep better. | ||
| Sauna's the motherfucker. | ||
| If I had to pick one over the two, I don't know which one I'd pick. | ||
| But I love the fact that I could do both of them. | ||
| I think sauna I would pick because there's more data. | ||
| There's a 20-year study out of Finland with sauna patients where they use the sauna four times a week for 20 years. | ||
| And depending on how many times a week they used it, they saw more improvement. | ||
| But the people that used it four times a week saw, I think it was a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality. | ||
| 40% decrease, stroke, heart attack, cancer, for the people that did that as opposed to the people that didn't do it. | ||
| Well, your girl told me that if you do... | ||
| Rhonda? | ||
| Yeah, I love her. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| You know I love her. | ||
| I love her, too. | ||
| Shout out to Rhonda Patrick. | ||
| I watch every video. | ||
| I take what she tells me to heart, and I think she's so fucking sexy. | ||
| She's so fucking smart when she just goes on her tail. | ||
| She's so fucking sexy. | ||
| But she was saying that 51 10 minutes a week in the sauna cuts your cardiac arrest rate by like fucking 60% of some shit. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what else it does, Joey. | ||
| It makes your cardio better. | ||
| Like your cardio for working out, just sitting there, your heart rate gets jacked. | ||
| So it's like a static form of cardio. | ||
| Before I go to the Tuesday and Thursday jiu-jitsu, I go to the red light sauna. | ||
| That's my cheat because that's a heavier class and you gotta fucking be a little old. | ||
| So I always go in there in the morning, 34 minutes, come out, go right to jiu-jitsu from there. | ||
| It's a good way to warm up before working out too. | ||
| Get in there for 10 minutes, just sort of like get in there and stretch a little bit for 10 minutes. | ||
| I do yoga in there. | ||
| I do a bunch of Aragandas, whatever the fuck they call it. | ||
| Yeah, there's a company that makes a yoga room. | ||
| Like, they make a sauna that's just for working out in. | ||
| It's a bigger sauna. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| What is that company? | ||
| But they have like chin-up bars in there and shit, and an exercise bike, and people work out while they're in the infrared. | ||
| I breathe to five. | ||
| Just work on my breathing. | ||
| Just, you know, quick breathing and deep. | ||
| And then I get up and I stretch a little bit. | ||
| And then about the 10-minute mark is where I start doing chaturangas. | ||
| Which one's a chaturanga? | ||
| Chaturanga is when you go up, down, drop. | ||
| You could drop into a fucking, whatever, crooked dog, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But it's not big enough for Uncle Joey, and I fucked my ankle up, so I wasn't doing those. | ||
| But I'll do a bunch of warrior poses, warrior one, warrior two. | ||
| In the sauna. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the sauna. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I wait to the halfway mark, I go out, I take 30 seconds, I drink a little liquid IV, and I shoot right back the fuck in there. | ||
| And I gotta tell you something else. | ||
| Before I go in that sauna, I do it in the morning, I get as fucking jizzled as I can be. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I don't smoke. | ||
| If I know I'm going to the sauna at 10, I won't do that 8 o'clock bunk in the morning. | ||
| I'll hold off on that motherfucker till 10. And then I'll do like 18 bong hits. | ||
| When I walk in there, they even know it. | ||
| They're the nicest people in the world. | ||
| They just wave. | ||
| I go in the red light sauna. | ||
| I am fucking stoned in there. | ||
| When I walk out of there, I dry off. | ||
| I put my socks on. | ||
| I drink my water. | ||
| After about seven minutes, I go back in and smell in there. | ||
| You could grow fucking weed in that motherfucker. | ||
| The odors you smell in there. | ||
| Fucking fungi toenail sweat. | ||
| Fucking reefer sweat. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Is this a place at the gym you go to? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| This is a place called Chill. | ||
| Oh, so it's a place that's set up just with saunas and cold plants? | ||
| Red light sauna. | ||
| No cold plunge, but they have the cryo. | ||
| So you can go right from the sauna to the cryo. | ||
| They got so many things now. | ||
| They got many beds that you sit in. | ||
| It controls like whatever. | ||
| They have so many things. | ||
| The place is clean. | ||
| Six minutes from my house, I could just call them and go, I'm on my way. | ||
| We don't have a bed. | ||
| We have a bed. | ||
| It's tremendous. | ||
| I love all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder what's better for you, cryo or the cold plunge? | ||
| I'll tell you what's harder to do. | ||
| Cold plunge is harder to do. | ||
| Cold plunge is hard. | ||
| It's harder to do. | ||
| And you feel different when you get out of there. | ||
| You feel fucking chilled down to the bones. | ||
| Whereas there's something about the cryo chamber. | ||
| I think they're both super beneficial, though. | ||
| I don't know if there's been studies done on what's better for you. | ||
| But I get the same feeling after both of them. | ||
| Like, woo! | ||
| I recover a lot quicker after the cryotherapy than I would the cold plunge. | ||
| The cold plunge, I'm cold for a long fucking time. | ||
| I only got one regret about cryotherapy. | ||
| I didn't discover that when I was doing drugs. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| When you go into the cryotherapy the first time, you do the three minutes, when you walk out of there, you either have an idea of what this is for you. | ||
| For me, when I walked out, I go, Where was this motherfucker when I was drinking? | ||
| Because you could snort coke till 9 in the morning, go to that red light sauna, call it a 10, come out of that 10, and you're brand new. | ||
| I've never done it, but I know from the feeling of walking out of there that you're brand new. | ||
| So you mean the cryotherapy or you mean the sauna? | ||
| The cryotherapy. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Japanese people invented cryotherapy. | ||
| They did? | ||
| Can we find out? | ||
| Can they fact check me? | ||
| I think I'd like to know. | ||
| I mean, I think the Vikings did it. | ||
| It was a thing they did, like, to just boost their manliness, just get in the fucking cold water. | ||
| Technically, Joey's right. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Developed in the 1970s by a Japanese rheumatologist, Toshima Yamaguchi. | ||
| But that'd be, like, the actual cryotherapy that we did, like, in L.A., like the... | ||
| Okay, like the liquid nitrogen. | ||
| Liquid nitrogen, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But the Vikings were doing cold therapy... | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Thousands of years ago. | ||
| I don't think they had liquid nitrogen. | ||
| But the guy that invented this to people... | ||
| It was Japanese people. | ||
| And again, these motherfuckers like to party. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So as soon as I walked out of there, that's what I said to myself. | ||
| Absolutely a Japanese guy invented this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It goes back to the ancient civilizations. | ||
| Ancient Egyptians, Romans, and early Greeks were using cold temperatures as a form of therapy as early as 2500 B.C. Whoa. | ||
| When I used to see Fedor do it, Fedor Emelianenko, one of the all-time greats, he used to do the banya. | ||
| So they would all get in the sauna together, and they would beat them with leaves. | ||
| They would use leaves and beat them, and then they would jump in this frozen lake. | ||
| And I'm like, these guys are just insane. | ||
| I'm like, what's the benefit of that? | ||
| I would think it was nonsense. | ||
| But they knew. | ||
| This was the early 2000s. | ||
| People weren't doing cold plunges and saunas. | ||
| If they were, it wasn't openly discussed like it is now. | ||
| Dan Gable found out about it. | ||
| He was telling me on the podcast. | ||
| He found out about it when he was wrestling the Russians and the Eastern Europeans. | ||
| He's like, they all use sauna. | ||
| And he realized there's something to the actual benefits for your cardio, recovery, blood cells. | ||
| He said it's almost like a mild version of EPO. When you're in the sauna on a regular basis. | ||
| It just really boosts up your endurance. | ||
| Here's Fedor. | ||
| Damn, when he was young, he was the motherfucker, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And what a dad bod that guy had. | |
| There's not a single photo of him out there with a six-pack. | ||
| And he's widely regarded as the greatest heavyweight of all time. | ||
| I mean, he might be the greatest martial artist of all time. | ||
| He's certainly in the argument. | ||
| The arguments for the greatest martial arts of all time, if they're in their prime, I always say this guy because people leave him out of the conversation. | ||
| You never should. | ||
| BJ Penn. | ||
| B.J. Penn in his prime was one of the greatest I've ever seen. | ||
| And then there's Anderson. | ||
| Anderson in his prime. | ||
| I was just watching the Anderson documentary that the UFC just put together. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| You forget. | ||
| You forget. | ||
| You forget those Rich Franklin fights. | ||
| I never forgot. | ||
| You forget the level of expertise and precision and just mastery he had when he was in his prime. | ||
| I am telling you, I'm guilty. | ||
| Even though I'm a giant Anderson fan, I had to see it again. | ||
| I had to see it again, and I'm like, oh yeah, people forgot. | ||
| Well, we had a conversation after the Alassanio fight. | ||
| You're like, Alassanio's the best. | ||
| And I go, remember I said to you, bro, relax. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| It's Anderson. | ||
| And I love the Rich Franklin fight. | ||
| I mean, the first time I ever saw this motherfucker, I'm getting dressed. | ||
| I'm getting dressed. | ||
| Ready to go do comedy with you or anybody else. | ||
| And it was a UFC fight night with him against Chris Levin. | ||
| I never saw this fucking guy. | ||
| I heard you guys talking about him. | ||
| And when he came out, it was fucking mastery. | ||
| I was like blown. | ||
| Then he played the ukulele. | ||
| I'll never forget that. | ||
| Well, I was a giant fan of Anderson's already. | ||
| Because I became a fan of Anderson's in pride. | ||
| And then Anderson went over to Cage Warriors. | ||
| And when he went over to... | ||
| Was it Cage Rage? | ||
| What was the organization that he fought for, that Anderson fought for in England? | ||
| But in England, he became Anderson Silva. | ||
| You know, there's like Charles Oliveira. | ||
| Charles Oliveira was a really good fighter, and then his daughter was born, and then he became Charles Oliveira, the assassin that everybody knows. | ||
| But he lost a bunch of times in the UFC. He would fall apart. | ||
| Anderson when he went to England. | ||
| There's something about leaving Japan and going to England, then he became Anderson. | ||
| So what was the... | ||
| Cage Rage, right? | ||
| Cage Warriors is the... | ||
| That's like the top organization that exists now in... | ||
| In the UK. So, he fights Lee Murray in Cage Rage. | ||
| And Lee Murray was a fucking killer. | ||
| Lee Murray was the guy who was involved in the biggest armed robbery in the history of the UK. He's in jail now, like forever. | ||
| A real gangster. | ||
| Crazy dude. | ||
| So he fucks Lee Murray up in Cage Rage, and then he comes back and fucks Jorge Rivera up in Cage Rage. | ||
| And when he fucked Jorge Rivera up, he's standing in front of Jorge, who was a murderous puncher, and letting Jorge punch him in the face. | ||
| He was just letting him punch him in the face. | ||
| Just like, but you ain't got shit. | ||
| And then beat his ass. | ||
| Then he goes over and fights Tony Fricklin in cage rage and hits him with that crazy upward elbow. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| So he fought Curtis Stout, fucked him up, fucked Tony Fricklin up. | ||
| And then by the time he was coming to the UFC, I was like, dude, get ready for this guy. | ||
| And I was looking at the line, like the betting line. | ||
| The betting lines back then were stealing. | ||
| Nobody knew nothing! | ||
| Nobody knew nothing! | ||
| A guy would sneak over, a guy like Glover Teixeira or someone would come over from Brazil, and you'd be like, no one even knows yet. | ||
| You don't even know how good this guy is. | ||
| The line would be in favor of the other guy, and be like, oh my god, this is hilarious. | ||
| I think Chris Lieben might have been a slight favorite over Anderson. | ||
| I don't even know what the betting line was. | ||
| I don't think he was a favorite. | ||
| I think Anderson was a favorite. | ||
| But either way, I was like, dude, he's going to light him up like a Christmas tree. | ||
| Because Chris Lieben was just such a murderous, marauding, attacking style. | ||
| That's perfect for Anderson. | ||
| Because Anderson's the technician. | ||
| So he's just going to slide away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pop! | |
| That's what he did. | ||
| He basically just stepped away, punched. | ||
| It's a master class. | ||
| Put that fight on. | ||
| Put Anderson Silva versus Chris Levin. | ||
| The fucking fight you took me to with Rich Franklin in Columbus. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| When the Arnold thing was going on and we were in Columbus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That last array when he boom boom, then he hits him low with a leg kick and then he punches him again, another leg kick. | ||
| It's fucking beautiful. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's how you mix it the fuck up. | ||
| And he did it like he was just playing. | ||
| He did it like he was hitting a heavy bag, just fucking around. | ||
| What about the night we take the hit of acid? | ||
| And that's the night he decides to kick that dude in the face. | ||
| Yeah, this is the one. | ||
| So this is Anderson's debut. | ||
| And by the way, Chris Lieben, one of the most murderous punchers, knocked out Vanderlei Silva, knocked out a shit ton of dudes. | ||
| When Chris Lieben would connect on guys, they would go night-night. | ||
| And he fought like a fucking Wolverine, man. | ||
| Chris Lieben would just charge at you. | ||
| So that style, with that kind of confidence... | ||
| Look how Anderson's moving, baby. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that jab. | ||
| Look at that jab. | ||
| Shucks him off to the side. | ||
| I mean, the footwork, bro. | ||
| Look how elegant. | ||
| Just no wasted movement. | ||
| And leaving just moving in for the kill. | ||
| Bink! | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Give me that volume. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| It's already beginning. | ||
| Bing, bing, bing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I mean, Liebman can't even land a shot on him. | ||
| And Liebman got back up. | ||
| Oh, Liebman's so tough, dude. | ||
| Tough as nails. | ||
| And there's the knee. | ||
| And that's a wrap son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anderson Silva. | |
| That was the big debut. | ||
| That was like 2004? | ||
| Six. | ||
| Six. | ||
| I was fucking hypnotized by that. | ||
| Hypnotized. | ||
| He was the man. | ||
| Hypnotized. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| He was the man. | ||
| Listen, bro. | ||
| I watched the UFC with you. | ||
| There was a bunch of chubby guys that looked like me. | ||
| I don't want no part of that stuff. | ||
| You took me to Florida one time to see Miami when there was like maybe... | ||
| 15 people in the audience. | ||
| Shaq was there. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| It was a long time ago, yeah. | ||
| That was the early days. | ||
| That was 2004. That was 2004. Because that was around the time of the Man Show. | ||
| And it was Butterbean was one of the fighters on that card? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, Butterbean never fought on the UFC. Who was the chubby guy that fought on that card? | |
| There was somebody who was on that card that was like... | ||
| Trey Tellegman? | ||
| No, Scott Ferrozza was really big. | ||
| Trey Tellegman was the guy who was missing part of his practice. | ||
| But Shaq was there. | ||
| It was the two guys that Vitor fought in his debut. | ||
| But that was earlier than that. | ||
| That was 97. Shaq was there. | ||
| I remember he was already in Miami, and I was like, I'm like, man, I don't know about the UFC down here. | ||
| Yeah, Shaq trained martial arts a long time ago. | ||
| He started training a long time ago. | ||
| Bro, I didn't know he was from Newark, and I didn't know all the good things he did for Newark. | ||
| That's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| I've gotten a whole new level of respect for what I heard he's done in Newark. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| One of my friends is a Newark cop, a couple of them, and they were telling me, bro, it never ends. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| Yeah, he gave a lot back to his fucking community. | ||
| He's very smart. | ||
| I mean, he's got a shit ton of businesses. | ||
| He owns a bunch of businesses. | ||
| He's always got something going on, you know? | ||
| He stays active, you know? | ||
| There's a bunch of guys that do a real good job of using whatever fame they got from athletics and then just do everything. | ||
| Shaq does everything. | ||
| He's always doing commercials. | ||
| He's always doing something. | ||
| That's a big human being, dude. | ||
| You put your hands, you shake his hand. | ||
| That's a big dude. | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| His hands are like a fucking breakfast tray. | ||
| I never said nothing to him. | ||
| I never spoke to him. | ||
| I saw him at the store a couple nights. | ||
| He would come to the store after the games for Fat Tuesday. | ||
| But I never really spoke to him or anything. | ||
| I did Fear Factor with him. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Me and him, it was hilarious. | ||
| It was like a six-year-old and his dad. | ||
| It was like me standing next to him. | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| He's so gigantic. | ||
| So what else is happening, my brother? | ||
| Everything's good, man. | ||
| You know they have those banyas by me, right? | ||
| Do they? | ||
| The Russian ones? | ||
| Ari goes to those in the city. | ||
| They have a beautiful one in Freehold. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And the fucking place has a restaurant to die for. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Russian? | ||
| Yeah, you can stay there all fucking day. | ||
| A Russian restaurant? | ||
| I think it's everything. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| You get beat up with the leaves, the steam, the fucking cold plunge, they got a pool, they massage you, they have lunch, you can just go there and write. | ||
| If you just want to write jokes, you can go up there and have a cafe in there. | ||
| It's really fucking sharp. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| I'm just not in the mood to get beat up with fucking leaves at this point in my life. | ||
| When I used to go to the YMCA in Hollywood, the good one, there were Russians in there. | ||
| In the mornings with the hoods on. | ||
| They wear the hoods to keep the healing. | ||
| And they'd have the vodka there. | ||
| I did this because I was so heavy, I was embarrassed to go any other time of the day. | ||
| So I would go at 4.45. | ||
| And I would sit in the fucking banya with them, whatever, the steam bath. | ||
| And then I would go on the other one, the sauna, the steam bath. | ||
| And then I would swim. | ||
| And I just swam more and more every day. | ||
| This went on for about six months. | ||
| One day I get there about 5am, I open up the fucking door, and there's a dude completely balls-ass naked, laying where the Russians sit, okay? | ||
| Balls-ass naked, just on a fucking towel. | ||
| Dick out, didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. | ||
| I sat there for about five minutes, and all I kept thinking was, these Russians ain't gonna like it when they come in here. | ||
| Sure enough, the fucking three Russians came in. | ||
| They asked the guy to move. | ||
| The dude didn't fucking move, and it was not good after that. | ||
| Right in the YMCA. They beat his ass? | ||
| They fucking choked him and threw him out naked. | ||
| They picked him up by his fucking neck right in front of me. | ||
| I just kept walking. | ||
| I can't be around that shit. | ||
| I'll go to jail for 20 years. | ||
| Joe, they grabbed him by the fucking throat. | ||
| They asked him one time, can we sit here? | ||
| Then he let him sit, but he wouldn't put a towel on. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| The guy had probably come from a fucking freaky spot and was trying to get his dicks up in there. | ||
| And I walked out, and all I heard was a couple thrumps, and then I saw the sauna door open, and a homie went flying out like one of those fucking crackheads. | ||
| Eddie Bravo and I used to work out at 24 Hour Fitness, and one of the managers, they just brought him over from the West Hollywood place, and he was giving me the war report from working in West Hollywood. | ||
| He's like, it's basically a gay pickup spot. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| The 24 Hour Fitness on Santa Monica next to the... | ||
| I don't even know if it's there anymore. | ||
| That'll be there forever. | ||
| Is it there? | ||
| Yeah, that'll be there forever. | ||
| Back in the day, when Eddie and I were working out together, this is like 2001, 2002, this manager was like, dude, it's crazy. | ||
| He goes, there's just jizz all over the sauna. | ||
| You go in the sauna, you gotta hose it down. | ||
| There's just loads everywhere. | ||
| These guys are just fucking each other everywhere. | ||
| They find places to fuck. | ||
| And they would go there to look for other buff guys to fuck. | ||
| I mean, and you imagine the problem with guys is there's no women. | ||
| There's no one to go, hey, this is ridiculous. | ||
| I don't want to get pregnant. | ||
| What have you been up to? | ||
| You know, are we going to use protection? | ||
| There's no voice of reason. | ||
| It's just two guys, you want to fuck? | ||
| I want to fuck, let's fuck! | ||
| And they're all jacked up, right? | ||
| So they're probably doing testosterone, or they're lifting a lot of weights, and they've got high testosterone, they're horny all the time, they're taking drugs, and they're just fucking each other at the gym. | ||
| He said the gym was barely a gym. | ||
| He goes, it's so weird to come here, and it's a gym. | ||
| He goes, that gym was just a front for a gay pickup spot. | ||
| These guys were just, I'm sure they were working out too, but they were just banging. | ||
| They were doing a lot of banging. | ||
| Listen, bro, when you go through boys' town, Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think you had a bit about it before we left LA. People have to understand that when you go through Boys Town, you have one at the end, by the time you hit Dan Tannis, and you're about to hit... | ||
| You have two things on your mind. | ||
| Either I love gay people, or I can't stand these motherfuckers. | ||
| They're out of control. | ||
| And with my world, I love these motherfuckers. | ||
| The best being, this just happened like six, seven years ago, six, five, before the pandemic. | ||
| We're driving on Santa Monica, me and my wife, we're going to eat at fucking Dan Tanner's. | ||
| We got an early reservation, right? | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| We had a light. | ||
| There's a bar on the right-hand side. | ||
| UFC is on. | ||
| Two guys are fighting. | ||
| But meanwhile... | ||
| There's a hundred guys with leather dancing to the UFC. And me and my wife just look at each other and go, God bless them. | ||
| That's what it is about Boys Town. | ||
| They got the run of it. | ||
| Well, they also don't have to pretend. | ||
| No. | ||
| They don't have to pretend they want something other than what they want. | ||
| Whereas there's a lot of men that they feel like to pick up women in a bar, they have to pretend to be something different, they have to act a little different, they have to play to what the lady likes. | ||
| These guys are just fucking. | ||
| They just fuck. | ||
| They just fuck. | ||
| Listen, Christy Miller. | ||
| Remember Christy Miller from New York? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| She's in New York now? | ||
| Yeah, she's been in New York. | ||
| Before Christy Miller moved to New York, she was working at Gold's. | ||
| Ivar? | ||
| Maybe down there? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Towards over there? | ||
| There's another gay spot. | ||
| Tremendous gay spot. | ||
| But here's the fucking deal. | ||
| I was 426 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And Christy, out of the love of her heart, goes, take this membership for free. | ||
| Don't go at night. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Don't go at night. | ||
| Like these werewolves. | ||
| And they'll fucking take care of you in there. | ||
| And I'm like, really? | ||
| I tell you, I went in there maybe for three or four months before I signed up at the Y. Because the Y told me, you're too fat. | ||
| We can't have you here. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The first time I went to the Y. The Y told you you're too fat to work out? | ||
| Dog, when I went to the Y the first time, I signed up for a consultant thing. | ||
| Like somebody for free to help with you. | ||
| I didn't want to come to you guys. | ||
| I was too embarrassed. | ||
| I thought I was going to die. | ||
| I got on a fucking treadmill. | ||
| I didn't even make 30 seconds on level two. | ||
| He goes, listen, you got to go out and walk. | ||
| He goes, come back here when you lose 50 pounds. | ||
| He goes, right now, you got to walk. | ||
| Do you ever walk? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, to the store, to the drug dealers, to the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah, but no. | ||
| And he goes, just walk. | ||
| He goes, I want you to do what Dolce does, with the tap the mailboxes. | ||
| Go for a walk and tap two mailboxes one day and then three the next. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| As far as you go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So Christy gave me that thing and I would go over there at night. | ||
| I knew little things, you know, from lifting as a kid. | ||
| But every time I was struggling over there, some fucking hot guy came over. | ||
| And he would always go, excuse me, can I help you out? | ||
| And he would talk to me. | ||
| And yeah, maybe they wanted to fuck me, but I doubt it. | ||
| I was 418 pounds. | ||
| You had to fucking get a fucking crowbar to get to my asshole at that point. | ||
| So, I mean, these guys were fucking dynamite, Joe. | ||
| I would love to sit here and tell you that they hit on me not one time. | ||
| In fact, they were very helpful. | ||
| What they hit on me, they were setting me up. | ||
| You know, they're wolves. | ||
| Don't ever think. | ||
| And that's what shocked us. | ||
| Like, my friend told me about that website he used to go on, Boys Ahoy, that was just gay men, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boys Ahoy! | |
| It's still around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boys Ahoy! | |
| Boys Ahoy. | ||
| What a great name for a website. | ||
| Okay, now he had belonged to other ones, Grindr. | ||
| You know, he's a gay dude. | ||
| He'd tell me all this shit. | ||
| He said when he signed up for Boys Ahoy, it was a complete different situation. | ||
| They just want to fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just want to fuck. | ||
| There's no female equivalent. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| They met at the... | ||
| He would meet them at the hot dog place up the block from the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| The Carnies. | ||
| The Pinks. | ||
| Oh, Carnies. | ||
| Oh, Carnies. | ||
| And he would take them to the standard, fuck them, and then he'd come to the comedy store at 9 o'clock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they'd go their way, and you'd go your way. | |
| Boys Ahoy, Gay Chat and Friend. | ||
| Apps on Google Play. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| And you gotta fucking go, wow. | ||
| Bro, when those guys get old, it gets rough. | ||
| It gets rough. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of them guys, when they get old, it gets rough. | ||
| Dog, I just went to Jingle Bell to see my man Jelly, okay? | ||
| Jingle Bells? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Jingle Ball is a big thing they do. | ||
| The Z100, they do a thing in New York and Madison Square Garden. | ||
| I never went to it, but I got a daughter now. | ||
| And you get talked into those stupid shit. | ||
| And I don't want my kid going into the city by myself, my wife, okay? | ||
| She don't know the mechanisms of it. | ||
| So I went with like, you know, nine kids from the neighborhood. | ||
| Jelly hooked us up. | ||
| Me, three moms, and like the rest were just kids. | ||
| Girls and one boy. | ||
| And I took them to go see fucking Jelly, Olivia Rodrigo. | ||
| But Cher was there. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Cher was doing an appearance. | ||
| I get there. | ||
| Everybody's cool. | ||
| But there's two old school gay dudes. | ||
| They're probably in their 60s. | ||
| And they're those old school New York geezers, gay guys. | ||
| They were gay when it was tough to be gay. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| They've been in New York all their lives. | ||
| They started at CBGB's or the meat market or whatever fucking gay hunt. | ||
| And now they're mature. | ||
| They were married before the law. | ||
| Dog, these motherfuckers are miserable. | ||
| They just sat there and every once in a while they would look at each other and look at the kids and go... | ||
| The whole fucking night. | ||
| I'm like, why are these fucking guys here? | ||
| Meanwhile, I got a girl and a little boy, a Jewish kid, jumping up and down, singing into the phone, the whole fucking thing. | ||
| And I'm like, look at this fucking Jewish kid. | ||
| His brother's fighting over there in Israel. | ||
| He's over here watching this fucking thing, jumping up and down like a half a fucking fag. | ||
| Now the two gay guys haven't said a word. | ||
| They just keep looking around, hating, hating everybody. | ||
| Dog, when they said Cher coming out to the stage, these motherfuckers busted out of their capes, and they got up and they were dancing like the kids. | ||
| You should have seen them. | ||
| They had to be in their 67, 68. They both had the hair. | ||
| They were fucking dancing. | ||
| They were hugging each other. | ||
| Take me home, whatever that song she fucking sings. | ||
| When Cher walked out, these motherfuckers, you see like 10,000 people just left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because there was a lot of gay people hidden. | ||
| It's Christmas time. | ||
| Just to see Cher. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Just to see Cher. | ||
| 82 years old. | ||
| She's 82? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| 77. Close enough. | ||
| 77, 82? | ||
| Yeah, that's old. | ||
| That's Biden's age. | ||
| How the fuck did Jimmy, how the fuck did our girl... | ||
| How the fuck is Jimmy Page 80 years old? | ||
| That motherfucker turned 80. She looks good. | ||
| She looks fucking dynamite. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| How's she sound? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard to tell. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me see if it's recorded. | ||
| I'll hear it. | ||
| It's not recorded. | ||
| It's loaded in processing. | ||
| Yeah, that's the show I was at. | ||
| It might... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It might be recorded. | |
| It's hard to say. | ||
| Often, too, she might be singing live, but it's so buried in the mix that you're hearing, you would never really be able to tell. | ||
| She looks like she was singing that. | ||
| It looks like she's singing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That sounds pretty fucking good. | |
| They could just be mixing. | ||
| They might mix in. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Maybe she can hit some of the notes on all of them or something. | ||
| She's got a young man. | ||
| I saw him when I was a fucking kid. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| In Union City, walking into Pastore Music with fucking the king, Greg Orman. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That nasty motherfucker. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| And I didn't know who he was. | ||
| I'd love to tell you I knew who Greg Orman was. | ||
| Greg Orman was an animal. | ||
| I just knew something wasn't right, but I saw her and I was like, What the fuck is Sonny? | ||
| I grew up on that stupid fucking show. | ||
| You know what the song I love is? | ||
| I'm No Angel. | ||
| Oh, bro. | ||
| What a song. | ||
| Give me that, Jamie. | ||
| That dude. | ||
| That dude lived. | ||
| You hear his voice like that? | ||
| You only get... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You only... | |
| *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing about him is, the reason I called Jelly that day about three years ago after I heard that one song, I called him and I go, listen, bro. | ||
| You're bringing back something that this country has not heard in 30 years. | ||
| All these type of songs, like these singers, Greg Allman, a couple of them, even the dude from Leonard Skinner, the way they sang, it was deep. | ||
| You felt their years. | ||
| You felt what they had gone through. | ||
| And I think that's what Jelly brought back to us. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's what he brought. | ||
| That little piece, that's what he brought back to me. | ||
| That type of, you know, I still listen to a lot of Eat a Peach, Almonds, and I still listen to live from the fucking Beacon, whatever the fuck they do all the time. | ||
| You know, we have that Green Room playlist. | ||
| Midnight Rider is the first song. | ||
| That's the fucking, yeah. | ||
| That gets me. | ||
| That's the first song. | ||
| Sometimes I switch it up. | ||
| Sometimes it's I'm your boogeyman. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| Depends on how we're feeling, Joey. | ||
| Depends on how we're feeling. | ||
| That's Casey in the Sunshine Band. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, give me some I'm Your Boogie Man. | ||
| Is he still touring? | ||
| Give me some volume, too. | ||
| I don't know, man, but this is the song when we would walk into the arena. | ||
| When we do arenas, when we walk into the arena. | ||
| Like, as we're walking into the green room, I like to play I'm Your Boogie Man. | ||
| Because that's one of those ones that just... | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| You're walking in. | ||
| The joint gets fired up. | ||
| The ice cubes go in the glass. | ||
| The whiskey gets poured. | ||
| Cheers! | ||
| Music goes up. | ||
| Everybody gets ready. | ||
| Show's about to start. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Be it early morning, late afternoon, or at midnight. | ||
| That was back when you could use rainbows. | ||
| You know who was here last night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Motherfucker, nobody told me. | ||
| Cool and the gang was here last night. | ||
| No way. | ||
| At the Moody fucking theater. | ||
| No way. | ||
| When I got to the hotel room, I looked at the menu and it said, yeah, entertainment for the month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking... | |
| That was the thing that I didn't realize about moving here. | ||
| I thought I was going to miss out on, like, big artists, like, big acts. | ||
| But then when I got here, I'm like, oh, they all come to town. | ||
| They all come here. | ||
| They all got to stop here. | ||
| They all come here. | ||
| Got to say hello. | ||
| Cat Williams was just here. | ||
| Got to say hello. | ||
| With Mark Curry. | ||
| Remember our guy Mark Curry? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Mark Curry's the man. | ||
| Mark Curry's a sweetheart. | ||
| I just bumped into him. | ||
| Do you have his number? | ||
| No. | ||
| I gotta get his number. | ||
| I got him into the ha-ha. | ||
| And then he was working a little at the store before the pandemic hit. | ||
| My man Willie D reached out to me the other day, and he said that he saw him. | ||
| He said Mark Curry was on fire. | ||
| Mark Curry was open enough for Kat. | ||
| He said it was insane. | ||
| It's 40 years of stand-up. | ||
| What do you expect? | ||
| Mark was so underrated. | ||
| Mark was always a killer. | ||
| So underrated. | ||
| We'd see him at the store. | ||
| He was so polished. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| He just made a ton of money off that show. | ||
| I was like, eh, I'm good. | ||
| I'm a chill. | ||
| He's a great guy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The best. | ||
| Nicest guy in the world. | ||
| Nicest guy in the world. | ||
| Always great to young comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| When I walked in the store, he was always very nice. | ||
| Great to everybody. | ||
| You didn't have to earn, you know, a conversation with him. | ||
| He'd talk to door people. | ||
| So Mark Curry is opening for Cal in the Room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| At least that show in Austin. | ||
| And did they do the Moody? | ||
| I don't know what he did. | ||
| He did a big place though. | ||
| Cat's killing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like his ticket sales went up like 800%. | |
| HEB Center. | ||
| Yeah, so he did the big place. | ||
| That's that 15,000 seat place. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I always loved Kat. | ||
| I love Kat. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| He did that interview. | ||
| He said I wouldn't have him on. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I'll have you on. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Two times. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| Whenever you want to come by, call me. | ||
| Call me. | ||
| I'll fire this place up at 3 in the morning for you. | ||
| I'll wake up. | ||
| I'm always into doing something. | ||
| I think we're going to get a studio downtown. | ||
| I think I'm going to get a studio in one of the penthouses with a view so I could do nighttime podcasts after the podcast or after the shows. | ||
| Say if we do a 7 o'clock show at the Mothership, let's go fuck around. | ||
| Let's go do a podcast for a couple hours. | ||
| Like we did at Ice House. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Those are great days. | ||
| Those are great days. | ||
| When Red Band had that cool studio right there at the Ice House. | ||
| And you'd go in and out. | ||
| And we would go on the stage at Ice House Chronicles. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| I wonder what the Ice House looks like now. | ||
| It's supposed to be nice. | ||
| It's really nice. | ||
| It's very cleaned up. | ||
| A lot of guys don't like it because they missed the dirt. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It was an old club. | ||
| It was the longest-running club in the country that Ice House was. | ||
| Yes, Ice House was the longest-running stand-up comedy club in the country. | ||
| It was older than the store. | ||
| Ice House existed before the store. | ||
| And it was originally an actual ice house where people would go to get ice. | ||
| And then it became like some sort of a rock and roll club. | ||
| And then it became a comedy club in the early 70s. | ||
| Been a comedy club forever. | ||
| The longest running comedy club even before the store. | ||
| It really was a gem. | ||
| Oh, it was an amazing place. | ||
| That club was a gem, and I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because it just took you out of that whole L.A. shit for an hour. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It took you out of there. | ||
| Put you out on regular people. | ||
| Those people in that big room that would come on Friday and Saturday, I don't know why anybody didn't take their specials there. | ||
| A lot of guys did. | ||
| They just come to laugh there. | ||
| They came prepared. | ||
| Good people. | ||
| It was a good place to be. | ||
| Good staff. | ||
| That's what I miss about LA. The Armenians. | ||
| They're up north. | ||
| See, New Jersey's got a lot of Armenians, but up north. | ||
| So when I moved here, the Armenians would call me all the time and say, if you want to buy a gun, my friend, he'll see you. | ||
| But when I went to my hometown, I had Armenians up there growing up. | ||
| Not a lot of them like this one wrestler kid. | ||
| But when I went up there about five years ago, I noticed I had an Armenian church in North Bergen. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| So I was like, yeah, they got them up here. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| But I don't have them down by me. | ||
| Not like Glendale. | ||
| No, I miss them. | ||
| You were out next to them. | ||
| Yeah, no, no. | ||
| This is the last manly men. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucking out of their minds. | ||
| Unapologetically masculine men. | ||
| Dog, that was still to the day my best drug dealer. | ||
| I miss him. | ||
| We still talk once in a while. | ||
| He's still fucking nuts. | ||
| He still... | ||
| I don't know how these guys could do it. | ||
| I mean, I was there with him 20 years ago. | ||
| And he's still at that race. | ||
| At that pace. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| He's not at the pace like, I go out Friday and Saturday. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, now he just goes to Vegas for the week. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Now he just goes to Vegas. | ||
| 100 Xanax. | ||
| A couple ounces of blow. | ||
| Do you think you could ever do a residency somewhere? | ||
| Like a Vegas type deal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where people would come to see you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing about living in Vegas, Joey, is one, it's great tax benefits, but two, you don't live in Vegas. | ||
| No. | ||
| You live in like Henderson. | ||
| Henderson, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, or somewhere nice. | ||
| People like it. | ||
| Henderson's nice. | ||
| People like it. | ||
| What's that other place? | ||
| There's another area of Vegas that's real nice that's out... | ||
| Further away, a lot of people live in. | ||
| Where Red Rocks is? | ||
| Where's Red Rocks? | ||
| I was gonna say that, but that's not what it's called. | ||
| Red Rocks is nice. | ||
| Colorado? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Red Rock Casino. | ||
| That might be what they call it, I guess. | ||
| The area of Red Rock? | ||
| That's a nice area. | ||
| That's where the Fertittas have that club, Red Rock. | ||
| I saw Dana White gambling there, and he was down $600,000 playing blackjack. | ||
| I was like, you fucking psychopath. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Because I knew he did that, but I never went with him to do it until this one time. | ||
| These guys are all gambling. | ||
| Taylor LeJuan lost $120,000 in the first five minutes and I'm fucking shit in my pants. | ||
| I'm getting anxiety. | ||
| I can't watch this. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Taylor wound up winning. | ||
| I think he was up 60 and he quit. | ||
| And Dana wound up winning. | ||
| Dana was down 600 and he wound up being up 600. Dana's good at cards. | ||
| Oh, he's a wizard. | ||
| He got kicked out of the palms back in the day. | ||
| He won like $7 million one night and they gave him the boot. | ||
| They said you're banned. | ||
| Do you play con? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I mean, I did with my wife. | ||
| I went with my wife with Whitney and Lex Friedman. | ||
| We went to Vegas a while back during the pandemic. | ||
| Whitney had a corporate gig. | ||
| So it was like she did stand-up at some lady's house. | ||
| So I went to this rich lady, had this house in Vegas, and Dana Carvey and Whitney Cummings. | ||
| And I introduced Whitney because I was just there and I was drunk. | ||
| We just went from Andrew Schultz's wedding. | ||
| So we went to Andrew Schultz's wedding at Montecito. | ||
| We flew in a jet with Lex Friedman hammered out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Whitney and my wife, we all went to Vegas for like the day. | ||
| So we got there at like 9pm. | ||
| The gig is at 10. She does her gig and then we go out and we go and play cards. | ||
| And it was a hilarious night. | ||
| Lex Friedman got a push-up contest with David Goggins. | ||
| I called Goggins and said we were in town. | ||
| Goggins met us there. | ||
| We hung out with Goggins and his wife and we played a little bit of cards, but I'm not good at it. | ||
| Did you ever play poker with five guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Nope. | ||
| Poker to me was always the thing that killed pool action. | ||
| Because you can't miss when you're playing poker. | ||
| You can win or lose. | ||
| So if you're a gambling addict, there's a lot of guys who are like... | ||
| The thing about Poole is making the shot. | ||
| It's like the nine balls, it's like it's eight to eight on a race to nine. | ||
| You're shooting the nine ball for all the fucking marbles. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I like these high pressure moments. | ||
| I like the difficulty of like performing under pressure. | ||
| Cards didn't have any of that, but it had the gambling. | ||
| So all the gambling addicts were just addicted to gambling. | ||
| They didn't want to play pool anymore. | ||
| They wanted to play cards. | ||
| So we'd have all these gin games, gin rummy games. | ||
| These guys would be playing all these card games when you couldn't get any pool games. | ||
| So to me, I was like, this is not good. | ||
| I don't like this. | ||
| I can never sit with five guys all night. | ||
| Like I knew people who played two, three days. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I'm not a game guy. | ||
| Even Monopoly as a kid, once you started buying hotels, I'm done. | ||
| Poker is a very skillful game and I'm sure I would love it. | ||
| Yeah, I think I would love it too. | ||
| It's like golf to me. | ||
| Like, my friend's husband, he plays professionally. | ||
| He plays poker. | ||
| He lives out here. | ||
| And he goes everywhere. | ||
| He goes to these tournaments. | ||
| There's these card places. | ||
| There's one out in Round Rock that's this big fucking card place. | ||
| And, you know, like high-level guys go there and they play, and they play tournaments. | ||
| And he makes money. | ||
| Like, he's a real poker player. | ||
| Ari was a real poker player. | ||
| Ari lived in L.A. He played a lot of, like, real poker. | ||
| But to me... | ||
| You know how I am. | ||
| I can't get into another thing. | ||
| I'm too crazy. | ||
| I get into another thing. | ||
| I got into archery. | ||
| I'm shooting arrows three hours a day. | ||
| The only reason I can't do it more is my shoulder gives out. | ||
| I get tired. | ||
| Otherwise I'd be there all day. | ||
| I'm a psychopath. | ||
| And if you give me something like poker where all I have to do is sit there and do this and I get better at it and figure it out, I'll be doing that 12 hours a day. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'm too crazy. | ||
| I don't have time for that either. | ||
| I don't have time. | ||
| I don't even know how to play dice. | ||
| Like street dice on the street. | ||
| I walked by games all the fucking time as a kid. | ||
| I stopped for two minutes, said hello, but I didn't play. | ||
| There was a 30% chance that someone was going to get punched or shot if there was ever a dice game. | ||
| There's a 30% chance. | ||
| I always thought that was like, this is like a high level of potential violent activity. | ||
| Because people get mad. | ||
| They lose. | ||
| They think someone's cheating. | ||
| Someone's got loaded dice. | ||
| Someone says they bet this, but they didn't bet this. | ||
| They bet that. | ||
| And it's like arguments and shit. | ||
| Dog, I used to go to this place. | ||
| Not used to go, I went twice with a crazy friend of mine, Chris. | ||
| 181st Street, it was a parking garage, maybe six floors. | ||
| You just pulled in, there was a guy standing there, and all of a sudden you'd open up the door and you pulled into a car elevator that put your car up. | ||
| The car brought you up to the sixth floor, you fucking come out of your car, you walk out of the elevator, Joe, you thought you were in fucking Vegas. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Everything was dark. | ||
| Poker, blackjack, all that shit. | ||
| Ooh, those are exciting. | ||
| Cocaine, hookers there, there was hookers on site, people snorting on site. | ||
| Twice I went down like, this is too much for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| One time, me and Chris, we drove a girl out of there that we grew up with. | ||
| And then we all went to a hotel and snorted coke for the next day. | ||
| So how do they get away with that? | ||
| Do they make a deal with the cops? | ||
| Do they pay the cops off? | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Get everybody to keep their mouth shut? | ||
| You can't get everybody to keep their mouth shut. | ||
| This is 30 years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So this is a different mindset. | ||
| It was up 181st. | ||
| And all the cops were dirty back then. | ||
| You would always find dirty cops back then. | ||
| You know, I mean, but I don't know how they do it. | ||
| They figure it out. | ||
| You have to pay like the... | ||
| The battalion chief, you know, you gotta pay somebody. | ||
| You gotta pay them good money. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta give them a piece so they have a vested interest in keeping the place open. | ||
| See, I knew people who had that, but they'd have moving locations every day. | ||
| So the cops could never get a hold of you. | ||
| It's like when you book numbers on the phone. | ||
| We had to get a new apartment every three weeks. | ||
| Not a personal apartment. | ||
| Right, to book out of. | ||
| To book out of. | ||
| So I would get a... | ||
| My mom would get an apartment, and then she would get three different apartments out of that apartment. | ||
| So nobody could read what you're doing. | ||
| Then a month later, next door. | ||
| Then a month later, around the block, then you're back to that fucking building. | ||
| So you pretty much pay rent on it. | ||
| All those years, rent was cheap. | ||
| Now you get fucking... | ||
| Isn't it crazy how much underground gambling there was with bookies and the numbers? | ||
| The numbers was a big one. | ||
| Numbers was big. | ||
| You know, underground casinos. | ||
| I used to go with my buddy Martin Perez to this judo school. | ||
| I never wanted to go. | ||
| I was more of a karate guy. | ||
| But I would go with him, and there was like this old fucking Japanese guy and this old Cuban dude, and they would throw each other around. | ||
| There was a Russian guy there. | ||
| This is the 70s. | ||
| And up the corner, there was a place where people would play cards. | ||
| And I found out my stepfather would go there. | ||
| And one day, I went to Judah on the way out. | ||
| As I was walking towards the bus on 7th Street, I saw unmarked cars. | ||
| I saw like two unmarked cars. | ||
| And when I got home that night, My stepdad was getting ready. | ||
| I go, where you going? | ||
| He goes, I'm going to play cards. | ||
| And I go, you going down to 8th Street? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, don't go down there. | ||
| He goes, why? | ||
| I go, because I was down there with Martin, and I saw the fucking two unmarked cards down there. | ||
| And he goes, what the fuck do you know? | ||
| I go, what do I know that since I've been fucking five, I've been learning to be a lookout. | ||
| Because I'm five. | ||
| That's my job, to look, to keep my fucking eyes open. | ||
| And I would just pick up shit like that. | ||
| I would just pick up two unmarked cars. | ||
| He didn't go. | ||
| He thought about it. | ||
| He goes, okay, if you saw him, I won't go. | ||
| Sure enough, the next day I woke up, he gave me 50 bucks. | ||
| He's like, dog, how the fuck did you know? | ||
| Because I'm telling you, I fucking know. | ||
| They got raided? | ||
| They didn't know in those days. | ||
| The cops would go early, and they'd park like two blocks away because they're fucking lazy. | ||
| You know, if you're going to raid somebody, stay the fuck away from there all goddamn day. | ||
| Then come in at night. | ||
| Don't fucking lurk all day, we know. | ||
| Second Goodfellas, they were following them all fucking day with a helicopter. | ||
| Just bust them, cocksucker. | ||
| Well, they want to terrorize you before they get you. | ||
| Well, they want to see how you respond. | ||
| Well, if you're cracked out, you're going to go to try to get rid of something. | ||
| Or you're going to go to try to hide something. | ||
| And they got your phone tapped. | ||
| They got everything. | ||
| So they put a cop car in front of your house to see where you react. | ||
| To see how your reaction would be for the day. | ||
| And then you start cleaning the house. | ||
| You know, you call people, get everything out of your house, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| And then they come in and, you know. | ||
| But it's a different world out there now. | ||
| I don't know nothing about that fucking world now. | ||
| And I don't want to know. | ||
| Because now they'll shoot you just for being there. | ||
| It's a different world in terms of law enforcement too. | ||
| People are getting out of jail like that now. | ||
| And they still won't drop my warrant in fucking Seattle. | ||
| You can't even get arrested in Seattle for what you did. | ||
| You wouldn't even have a record. | ||
| You can hit somebody with a stick and be out that afternoon. | ||
| You wouldn't have a record in Seattle. | ||
| I'm still going back and forth with these motherfuckers. | ||
| That's why I looked before. | ||
| You still can't get your passport. | ||
| I just sent them the last thing. | ||
| If you get a passport and we go overseas, when we do gigs overseas, you will get a passport. | ||
| We will do this. | ||
| When you do this, we're going to have to fucking fly in a day early. | ||
| We're going to make it, because I don't know if you're even going to be able to get in over there. | ||
| It might be a hard time once you land. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Anywhere. | ||
| UK, anywhere. | ||
| Dog. | ||
| Canada's a big one. | ||
| Canada's not going to take me. | ||
| We're not going to go to Canada. | ||
| And I love Canadians. | ||
| I got none against Canadians. | ||
| It's the way the country works. | ||
| They won't let... | ||
| The nicest guy we know has got a DUI and he can't get into Canada. | ||
| But you could pay a tax. | ||
| Like Snoop Dogg. | ||
| So you're telling me Snoop Dogg can't play Canada? | ||
| There's a tax you could pay, a little heavy, and then you get out. | ||
| It's like everybody else. | ||
| We could all settle this with an envelope. | ||
| Well, they get an envelope anyway. | ||
| When you do a gig in Canada, they get a big tax envelope. | ||
| You get that in the UK, too. | ||
| You do a gig in the UK, you're paying. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Before 9-11, I was going up to Toronto two times a year, okay? | ||
| I had all these criminal charges, no warrants or anything. | ||
| My friend from the Miami Improv dated a girl from Buffalo. | ||
| And he called her father to pick me up at the Buffalo Airport, take me to his house, and then cross me over the border. | ||
| Before 9-11, there was a casino they'd go to. | ||
| And you just drove in. | ||
| And there was no ID, no nothing. | ||
| And he would drive me to Toronto. | ||
| He would drive me to Ontario. | ||
| And I'd take the bus to Toronto and do it in two weeks and then come back. | ||
| But on the way back, I would come on the bus. | ||
| I would drive those motherfuckers crazy, dog. | ||
| When I give them my license, they'd start looking at me and they'd go, when did you come in here? | ||
| And I'd go, last week. | ||
| You were the guy that was working. | ||
| They would say, no, I wasn't. | ||
| I would have never let you come through. | ||
| Well, you're letting me the fuck out now. | ||
| Because of your record? | ||
| Yeah, they would hold me for like 10 minutes. | ||
| Like, how did you get into this country? | ||
| I'm like, on a fucking bus! | ||
| You guys let me in last week. | ||
| No! | ||
| It was a mistake. | ||
| We could have never let you in. | ||
| Dog, I would fuck with them all the time. | ||
| I tried to do that cute shit during 9-11. | ||
| They yanked me right the fuck out of there. | ||
| We're not taking this shit. | ||
| But to answer your question from before, my plan is this. | ||
| I'm doing 10 spots. | ||
| Okay, I'm up to number three. | ||
| When I do my ten spots, I'm gonna decide what I want to do. | ||
| I'm not gonna travel no more. | ||
| I'm not gonna get on fucking planes. | ||
| That was brutal last night. | ||
| That was brutal. | ||
| Three and a half hours on a flight from me, I can't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm good for like an hour and a half. | ||
| I went to Nashville on JSX, the private plane, the semi-private, 30 people on, tremendous. | ||
| I recommend that to anybody if you don't like terminals. | ||
| I fucking loved it. | ||
| But they don't fly to Austin yet. | ||
| They fly to Dallas and you have to connect to Austin. | ||
| My plan is this. | ||
| Start doing some sets at the stand. | ||
| Start going over and seeing Chris Mazzilli at the Gotham Comedy Club. | ||
| Do a couple of those, and when I feel like I got 45 minutes, I'm going to take a residency somewhere. | ||
| Where are you thinking you're going to go? | ||
| AC or Parks Casino. | ||
| Where's Parks? | ||
| Philadelphia. | ||
| I have no problems in Philadelphia. | ||
| Philadelphia's great. | ||
| Nobody's going to ever walk out of my show in Philadelphia. | ||
| No, they're fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody will ever walk out of my shows in Philadelphia insulted. | ||
| No. | ||
| Nobody will get their feelings hurt. | ||
| If I say a joke that, you know, I'm on the spectrum, somebody's not gonna cry after the show and say that their nephew's on the spectrum and the show hurt their feelings. | ||
| Philly, that's never gonna happen. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| And Atlantic City. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| That's never gonna happen. | ||
| Same people. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| Same people. | ||
| South Jersey. | ||
| That's why I belong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I belong. | ||
| Yeah, you could easily do a residency. | ||
| I would love to tell you I'm gonna put a tuxedo on and go to Vegas, sing a couple songs, and then talk and do an hour of material. | ||
| I would love to tell you that. | ||
| You don't wanna fly. | ||
| No. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Do you think you'd ever live anywhere other than Jersey? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because if you lived in Vegas, you could do a residency there. | ||
| Listen, we're not fucking crazy here. | ||
| That's a tough state to retire to in Jersey. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's not cheap, bro. | ||
| Jersey's not cheap. | ||
| It's not fucking cheap, bro. | ||
| Jersey's expensive. | ||
| And that's why everybody from Jersey flies to fucking Florida, you know? | ||
| I like to lean towards Nashville. | ||
| Nashville's nice. | ||
| Outside of Nashville, get something. | ||
| Bro, right now you can pick up a house in Nashville for nothing. | ||
| The ones I saw over the holidays, brand new. | ||
| Not much, Joe. | ||
| You know, because it's going to be just a spare house. | ||
| It's just a property to retire. | ||
| If I turn 65, you know how much money I'll save by having a Tennessee address? | ||
| By living in Tennessee? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| A lot. | ||
| They don't tax your pension. | ||
| They don't tax much, man. | ||
| I've read about Dubai. | ||
| See if this is true. | ||
| Dubai, there's no tax. | ||
| There's no income tax. | ||
| None at all. | ||
| They just have so much money, they're like, we don't need your money. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Next year. | ||
| And everything's clean. | ||
| My friend Will went over there. | ||
| He moved over there. | ||
| He goes, I don't want to get shot in America. | ||
| He goes, I could live and be completely safe in Dubai. | ||
| UAE does not levy income tax on individuals. | ||
| However, it levies a 5% value-added tax on purchases of goods and services. | ||
| Levied at each stage of the supply chain and ultimately borne by the end consumer. | ||
| Yeah, but that's okay. | ||
| If you know what that is. | ||
| That's a big difference between that and income tax. | ||
| Income tax is weird. | ||
| Because you don't get any say in where it goes. | ||
| And when you see what's going on with Ukraine, you see what's going on with Israel, you see what's going on with... | ||
| All the different shit that the Biden administration spends money on. | ||
| All the money they're giving to illegal immigrants that are coming into the country. | ||
| All the money they're giving for programs that are ridiculous. | ||
| That's your money. | ||
| And you don't have any to say. | ||
| You can't argue about it. | ||
| There's not competition. | ||
| There's not a better company that's going to come along and take care of the taxes in a better way, more efficient. | ||
| There's no incentive to do it better. | ||
| Just fuck you. | ||
| Give me the money. | ||
| We're not giving Ukraine any more money, right? | ||
| We're giving them a lot more money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was one of the things that they were arguing about, that they have to do both. | ||
| They wanted the Ukraine budget to be lumped into the border fixing budget. | ||
| Joe, it's wild. | ||
| That fucking border. | ||
| It's a wild thing. | ||
| It's a wild thing they're doing. | ||
| That border and what Abbott is doing down there telling those motherfuckers to step off and shit. | ||
| I met Abbott a few times. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| I like that guy a lot. | ||
| You know, sending the buses filled with immigrants to the sanctuary cities is such a crazy move. | ||
| Like, fuck you. | ||
| You take care of them. | ||
| You're just letting them in. | ||
| Your policies are letting them in. | ||
| You're encouraging people to go there because you're a sanctuary city. | ||
| Good, we'll help you out. | ||
| We'll help you out. | ||
| We'll bring them right to you. | ||
| And now the same politicians that we're running on this platform, this mystery. | ||
| It's a fantasy platform. | ||
| This is a fantasy. | ||
| Like, come here. | ||
| We'll accept you all. | ||
| And let's say they govern now. | ||
| She's like, that's enough. | ||
| No more. | ||
| You can't come here. | ||
| Go somewhere else. | ||
| Go somewhere else. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Go where? | ||
| They're already here. | ||
| There's too many. | ||
| There's millions. | ||
| You guys have let millions in. | ||
| There's more illegal immigrants over the last few years than are legal residents in like five states. | ||
| If you put together, like, Idaho, Wyoming, you know, like them weird states with low populations, what's the number of illegal immigrants that have entered into this country over the last four years? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| Millions. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| 10 million? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe 12. Maybe 12. What do you think it is, Jamie? | |
| I saw those fucking lines. | ||
| They don't even know, by the way. | ||
| They're just guessing. | ||
| They're not counting them all. | ||
| I don't know how to find that number even. | ||
| Just try to Google it. | ||
| No, I get it. | ||
| I've tried this before. | ||
| I don't know how to differentiate illegal versus legal, and they don't really tell you either, because they have to figure it out themselves. | ||
| You're allowed to cross. | ||
| But they're trying to make everybody legal. | ||
| That's part of the hustle. | ||
| The hustle is make everybody documented. | ||
| See, when I typed in illegal immigrants entering U.S. 2023, this is what it says. | ||
| It says there's arrivals of migrants. | ||
| Without prior authorization, which I guess that... | ||
| I don't know if that's even illegal. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So in one year, arrival of ports of entry migrants. | ||
| But that's ports of entry. | ||
| That's not like coming in through the border. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Coming in through the border. | ||
| That's like doing a homeless count. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How do you really know? | ||
| Why don't you Google this? | ||
| How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border? | ||
| Just Google that. | ||
| How would you know that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Google it. | ||
| How many illegal immigrants? | ||
| But just do it in my language. | ||
| How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border? | ||
| Write that. | ||
| Sneak. | ||
| Sneak through the border. | ||
| Let's see what's up. | ||
| Record numbers. | ||
| Okay, this is real recent. | ||
| December 24th. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| What's it say? | ||
| It said something like 50,000, but I don't... | ||
| It still is like... | ||
| How many? | ||
| Per day? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| 50,000? | ||
| No, it can't be that much, is it? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I'm not going to see that number now. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| There was a number. | ||
| There it goes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| In just the last five days, Border Patrol processed nearly 50,000 miles... | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Five days! | ||
| ...who entered the U.S. illegally, with daily apprehension surpassing 10,000 thrice, up from the 6,400 average last month. | ||
| According to federal data obtained by CBS News, roughly 1,500 immigrants are being processed each day at official border crossings under the Biden program powered by a phone app. | ||
| But that's not sneaking across. | ||
| That's why I was like, that's not answering the question you asked. | ||
| But they are. | ||
| It says entering the U.S. illegally. | ||
| But they're processed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not sneaking. | ||
| Right, but they still made it across illegally. | ||
| They entered in illegally. | ||
| That's just what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying sneaking in, but that's really what it is. | ||
| They're processing anybody, but they're just letting them go. | ||
| This is what's crazy. | ||
| They're processing you, but it's bullshit. | ||
| They don't say you have to go back. | ||
| There's no going back. | ||
| You go in. | ||
| They give you a phone, they give you money. | ||
| A phone? | ||
| Yeah, some places they're giving people phones. | ||
| And so if it's, let's say if it's, go back to that, it's past 10,000, it's past 10,000 thrice. | ||
| So let's just say it's 50,000, so 10,000 a day. | ||
| If it's 10,000 a day, daily, that's the high end. | ||
| Let's assume that they're not counting them all, and a lot of them sneak through. | ||
| 10,000. | ||
| That's 3,650,000 a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot. | |
| Now, how am I supposed to? | ||
| You know, when I read all this shit, and I hear all this shit, how am I supposed to feel? | ||
| If it really is 10,000 a day, that is fucking bananas. | ||
| But think about it. | ||
| How am I supposed to feel? | ||
| I'm an immigrant. | ||
| How am I supposed to feel? | ||
| I gotta hear this shit all day long, and I feel terrible about this shit. | ||
| I would do it. | ||
| But do you see the lines of the people that are fucking coming through? | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| And, you know, listen, I don't know if a lot of people know this shit. | ||
| Sanitation, police, all this shit in New York, there's no overtime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Because all that budget has gone to the migrants. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the migrants are not happy. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're losing their fucking minds. | ||
| Well, they thought they were going to get jobs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were told they were going to get jobs. | ||
| They're trying to start families. | ||
| There's nothing there for them. | ||
| Now they're homeless. | ||
| Why don't we come out here to be homeless? | ||
| These sanctuary cities? | ||
| No, I don't even know. | ||
| New York City is a sanctuary city? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Whoever made that didn't check with the people. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like whoever said, we're in sanctuary city in New York City, didn't check with the people in the community. | ||
| Well, you know what it is? | ||
| It's just letting everybody know you're not racist. | ||
| You're not racist. | ||
| You have no problem with immigrants. | ||
| Well, we're not racist. | ||
| We're not, of course. | ||
| We're not racist, but I see that my friend who's got two children that depends on overtime from the sanitation department can't get it. | ||
| He's a supervisor. | ||
| He lost thousands in fucking salaries. | ||
| Because it's all going to this... | ||
| To the migrant thing. | ||
| And cops, no overtime. | ||
| So this is what this is doing. | ||
| And this just isn't New York. | ||
| It's got to be in all the big cities. | ||
| Chicago has a big problem with it. | ||
| Texas, Houston. | ||
| And what comes from this? | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Again, we're going back to the Marielle thing. | ||
| I don't know who the fuck is coming in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if they raped 22 women. | ||
| I don't know if they raped 22 boys. | ||
| I don't know if they're perfect fucking citizens. | ||
| We don't know these things. | ||
| So we're, you know, this was just something, listen, when I think of politics, I don't get involved, Joe Rogan, because it scares me. | ||
| The only thing that doesn't scare me is how a man, how a man could have 20,000 indictments And still lead the presidential fucking in our country. | ||
| This is why America's America. | ||
| How can fucking somebody have 92 fucking indictments? | ||
| He's in New York yelling yesterday, but he still has 50% of the fucking country on lockdown. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He's beaten Nikki Haley and the other guy. | ||
| Well, because it appears that they're prosecuting him for political purposes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes, they are. | ||
| I mean, I'm not a political guy, and I'm telling you, they just keep fucking throwing things at this poor guy. | ||
| They're throwing things at him also that don't make sense. | ||
| Like, we talked about the Mar-a-Lago thing a bunch of times, where they tried to say that he overvalued Mar-a-Lago, and the judge said it's worth 18 million. | ||
| Nobody thinks that. | ||
| Nobody thinks that. | ||
| There's not a fucking human alive that thinks that place is only worth 18 million. | ||
| Did you see her raise his hand this week? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Sammy the Bull. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| Talking about fucking Trump. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| We can... | ||
| We can never corrupt him. | ||
| The Mafia can never... | ||
| The Italians love Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| The Italians. | ||
| They love Trump. | ||
| He's uncorruptible. | ||
| He was saying it the other day. | ||
| I'm sitting there scratching my head going, fucking Sammy's a savage. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| Yeah, this is a strange time because there's people that are trying to paint everybody that's supporting Trump as being a white supremacist or a racist or... | ||
| An anti-immigration person or anti-human rights person. | ||
| You want to vote in a dictator? | ||
| They're trying to say the most Ridiculous versions of what most of it is because what most of it is people that are fed up They're fed up with the open border. | ||
| They're fed up with the increasing government scrutiny on things like social media They're fed up with The influence that big companies have over the things you do and don't do in this country. | ||
| They're fed up with us being in these fucking wars, constantly being involved in wars. | ||
| And they know that Trump was one of the few guys that when he was in office, we didn't get into more wars. | ||
| We did. | ||
| They did do a great job of stopping ISIS. They did a lot of things with the economy that seemed to have been working. | ||
| I'm not an economist. | ||
| I'm not the guy to have this conversation with. | ||
| If you want to talk about policies and what's effective and what's not effective, I'll tell you what's not effective, what's going on right now. | ||
| What's going on right now is not good. | ||
| And you want to continue this? | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| You look at the just sheer raw numbers of dollars that we sent to other countries this year, that you have to realize that if you wanted the country to be better, you would have spent that money here. | ||
| And if you spent that money on us and it stays in America, you got American jobs to make American cities better. | ||
| You could have done a fucking substantial amount of rebuilding American cities with $170 billion. | ||
| There's so much they could have done that could have elevated so many lives. | ||
| And they didn't do any of it. | ||
| We're just talking about it. | ||
| Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh. | ||
| All these cities up north, New York and all that. | ||
| They need a boost up there, man. | ||
| They need something, man. | ||
| Cleveland needs a boost. | ||
| I went to Pittsburgh last year after the pandemic. | ||
| Half the fucking town was closed, brother. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Places had closed down. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| Like a good restaurant closed down. | ||
| How can they close down? | ||
| Think about the impact of you can't have any business for three years. | ||
| No business. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I mean, Tony Hinchcliffe's dad lost his restaurant. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's dad had a restaurant in Youngstown, Ohio for like 25 fucking years. | ||
| And he couldn't, you know, he was getting by. | ||
| He was getting by. | ||
| He was doing well, getting by, making money, good restaurant. | ||
| Like, real Italian food fucking goes under. | ||
| You know, it's like, God damn it. | ||
| You know, you didn't even give people the option of what they wanted to do, and you were wrong. | ||
| And no one is punished for it. | ||
| They were wrong. | ||
| They shouldn't have had us locked down for that long. | ||
| They were wrong. | ||
| None of that shit made sense. | ||
| All that six-foot social distancing. | ||
| Fauci now admits it's all bullshit. | ||
| They just came up with that number. | ||
| People just started saying that number. | ||
| Remember those stupid stickers on the ground at the bank? | ||
| You had a sticker. | ||
| You weren't allowed to stand here, and then the other person has to stay six feet in front of you, and you stand there. | ||
| You're not allowed to get close. | ||
| It's all nonsense. | ||
| It was all nonsense. | ||
| And they scared the fuck out of people, and they kept businesses closed. | ||
| And they closed restaurants in Los Angeles. | ||
| They closed outdoor dining just because of the optics of it. | ||
| Because COVID started to surge. | ||
| There was no evidence at all that it was causing outdoor transmission and they closed those fucking things down. | ||
| They shouldn't be allowed to have that kind of power over whether or not you can make a living and the choices that you make. | ||
| Because they are just human beings too. | ||
| And not only are they often uninformed, they're often misinformed. | ||
| They're often absolutely victims of some sort of corporate propaganda That they've been used as a mouthpiece to promote and they're affecting these people that have worked their whole lives for 20-30 years and it's such a selfish shitty fucked up way to run a city and a selfish shitty fucked up way to run a country and you didn't listen to all the experts and you didn't take into consideration people's health Mental health from losing their jobs. | ||
| How many people would have been fine? | ||
| How many people need this fucking medicine that you're trying to push on? | ||
| And how many don't? | ||
| And who's making the money off of it? | ||
| The whole thing was insane. | ||
| And it was right in front of your face. | ||
| Because we live in 2024 and the fucking internet is everywhere. | ||
| You can't run these giant scams like this where you're just fucking over the whole country without everybody just being able to piece it together at the end of the scam. | ||
| And go, well now we know how they do it. | ||
| Look at they all were working in cahoots together. | ||
| They were literally paying media companies to shame people that were anti-vaccine. | ||
| The government was involved in censoring social media posts. | ||
| Wild shit, Joey. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| So for people to go through all that and lose their business and be on the other side, and then Trump comes along and he's like, that's enough. | ||
| You can't just label all those people as white supremacists. | ||
| You can't label all those fucking people as hateful bigots, because that's not what it is. | ||
| They don't want any more of this. | ||
| They're tired of this nonsense that you're shoving down people's faces. | ||
| They're tired of it. | ||
| So that doesn't mean that they're evil. | ||
| And this narrative is stupid. | ||
| This narrative that everyone on the other side that disagrees with you doesn't see the fundamental problems with the way things are being run right now. | ||
| Everyone is hateful. | ||
| Everyone supports a dictator. | ||
| You guys are out of your fucking minds. | ||
| And then we got Cuba. | ||
| And they're dying of starvation still. | ||
| What are they doing now that Castro's dead? | ||
| Is his son running it? | ||
| Who's running Cuba? | ||
| They're not having elections. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Elections? | |
| They should bring back the mob. | ||
| That's when it was running smoothly. | ||
| Don't even have fucking paper. | ||
| That's when it was running smoothly. | ||
| Shit, man. | ||
| They used to love going. | ||
| People used to love going to Cuba. | ||
| It used to be the place to go. | ||
| They had gambling there. | ||
| They would go and gamble. | ||
| Famous people used to go to Cuba. | ||
| Before the revolution, right? | ||
| Kennedy. | ||
| What's the guy's name you introduced me to today? | ||
| He owns a company. | ||
| Really nice, sweet guy. | ||
| Oh, Brigham from Ways to Well? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Me and him had a tremendous conversation, because he went. | ||
| He went to Cuba, and he had to get a visa as a student or something. | ||
| And he was blown the fuck away. | ||
| But he was more blown away about going into those palaces and those casinos, and they still have pictures of the people sitting where you were, you know, Sinatra and fucking Brando and Rock Hudson and all these, you know. | ||
| We don't even know. | ||
| We don't even know. | ||
| How many planes would go down every day with fucking people from here. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I'll tell you one thing. | ||
| You ask a Cuban in Miami who they're voting for, You gonna get a red wave, son. | ||
| You want to talk about people that vote Republican? | ||
| You want to talk about people that don't want to hear no bullshit about socialism? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Cubans will yell at you. | ||
| If you want to talk that nonsense, woke, hippie shit about Marxism, they will fucking yell at you. | ||
| Dog, that is not the type of shit to talk about those people. | ||
| Oh, those people have actually felt it. | ||
| They escaped it. | ||
| Beyond that, I'm sitting there, Joe. | ||
| And they're talking about Trump on something, CNN or something. | ||
| And I had to stop and go, I could just imagine what Cubans in Miami are saying in Spanish. | ||
| It is fucking hilarious. | ||
| They love Trump. | ||
| They love Trump. | ||
| Because I just spoke to a cousin of mine. | ||
| He's like,. | ||
| And I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| They love Republicans, man. | ||
| They love Trump. | ||
| And I can just imagine them going, Oye, en que país, en que país, un tipo que lo están vigilando con toda la pinga esta, todavía puede ser presidente de los Estados Unidos. | ||
| For a Cuban, they fucking love that shit. | ||
| What I just said was, what other country, caballero, tell me, what other country can you have 30 indictments and still be fucking president of the United States? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| It's only one. | ||
| I mean, maybe there's another country. | ||
| If you don't give me that fucking can... | ||
| I'm gonna stab you soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Open it, because you keep... | ||
| Are you trying to open it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| No, my God. | ||
| I can open it like that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| No, I'm just playing with it. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not struggling with it. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Now, what is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It's nicotine pouch. | ||
| They good? | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're good. | ||
| You want one? | ||
| What flavor? | ||
| This is a spearmint. | ||
| Am I gonna fucking get dizzy? | ||
| No, you get a little excited. | ||
| Check this. | ||
| Put that motherfucker in between your cheek and gum. | ||
| That's six milligrams. | ||
| You can handle it. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Take it in. | ||
| Take it in the side. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Let's go, Joey. | ||
| Woo, right? | ||
| Like, right away. | ||
| You're like, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, the whole presidential election, the thing that scares me is if the Democrats stay in power and Biden stays in power, if you have the same administration, we're headed in the same exact direction as we are right now. | ||
| And if Trump gets into office, then people are going to freak the fuck out. | ||
| And then there's probably going to be riots, there's probably going to be some craziness, probably going to be violence, probably going to be organized stuff too. | ||
| There's probably going to be nefarious groups that organize people to start civil unrest. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| Whatever those groups are, whoever you want to call them, that's a real thing. | ||
| Whether it's Antifa, whatever you want to say. | ||
| Groups of human beings that will purposely start civil unrest in order to push a narrative about a political movement, that the people are tired of Trump, that they're hateful. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Jim Brewer has a fucking great bit about the Women's March. | ||
| He goes, remember when Trump was in the Women's March? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you knew who a woman was then. | |
| Isn't that a great joke? | ||
| That's only 2016. 2016 he gets in the office, there's this giant women's march, and now no one can tell you what a woman is. | ||
| If you had a giant women's march today, we'd have guys. | ||
| And you can't say shit! | ||
| There's your sisters, and then they'll hold an election, the men will win because they're more aggressive. | ||
| Then you got a man running a women's organization who says he's a woman. | ||
| It's a crazy fucking world, bro. | ||
| You ever see this video? | ||
| There's this lady in Chicago, and this guy is trying to use the women's room, and she's going in there with her daughter, and this guy has a full beard, just a full beard, and she's yelling at him. | ||
| She's like, you are a whole man. | ||
| And he's like, I am a woman. | ||
| And like, big deep breath, deep voice, big husky guy with a fucking beard. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Is this being kind? | ||
| Is that what this is? | ||
| Is this being open-minded and compassionate? | ||
| Or is this opening the door to fucking psychopaths? | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Yeah, click this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't get in my back. | |
| Do not get in my back. | ||
| Don't get in my back. | ||
| Don't get in my back. | ||
| What the size of that dude? | ||
| Don't you see my daughter right here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is your friend? | |
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You need to go over there to the men. | ||
| You need to go over there to the men. | ||
| Only here in Chicago. | ||
| You is a man. | ||
| A whole grown man. | ||
| A whole grown man. | ||
| For the last time, I'm not a man. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| When you see this guy, this guy's a big dude. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| With a beard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On my birthday. | |
| Okay, I'm a good one. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Hey man, use another bathroom. | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| Just use another bathroom. | ||
| There's a child in there. | ||
| That's a child. | ||
| That's a child in there. | ||
| A little girl. | ||
| Like, use the men's bathroom. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does it matter? | |
| What does it matter? | ||
| Y'all need to mind your business. | ||
| Y'all need to mind your business. | ||
| This is where world is coming. | ||
| So that's a real thing. | ||
| Now the people that want to deny that that's a real thing, you're doing a disservice for everyone. | ||
| You're doing a disservice to all the innocent women that have to go into those bathrooms and don't feel safe, and you're doing a disservice to real trans people. | ||
| There's gonna be a bunch of people that game your system. | ||
| And there's gonna be a bunch of perverts with fucking beards who want to go where the little girls are shitting. | ||
| People are out of their minds. | ||
| There's a certain percentage of people that are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| It doesn't mean that all trans people are bad. | ||
| It doesn't mean that all trans people are out of their minds. | ||
| It means that you have to know what's crazy and what's not. | ||
| And that's fucking crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a mentally ill person with a fucking beard. | ||
| Trying to get into a bathroom when a mother and her daughter are in there. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I'm surprised the cops weren't called. | ||
| Well, it's Chicago, right? | ||
| And what happens if the cops come now? | ||
| What happens in that situation if the cops come, there was no assault? | ||
| Shit, if that was in San Francisco, they might arrest that lady. | ||
| They might arrest her for being a bigot. | ||
| Who fucking knows, man? | ||
| It's Narnia out there. | ||
| It's a fantasy world. | ||
| People have lost their fucking mind. | ||
| And I think it's engineered. | ||
| I think that China has been TikTok-ing these fucking people into a coma. | ||
| I think all those little videos where, you know, trans awareness and, you know, and maybe you're trans and there are no genders. | ||
| And then psychos like that guy now think that the culture has moved to the point where they can kind of get away with it. | ||
| Maybe the cultures change their opinion on things. | ||
| I think I can get away with this. | ||
| I think I can wear my full beard with my dick out and go around women. | ||
| And there's gonna be guys like that, just like there's real trans people. | ||
| There's gonna be guys that are crazy, that take advantage of this thing that I think has been at least partially engineered by other countries. | ||
| I think the algorithm supporting that and pushing that out to people, people are super easily influenced, man. | ||
| Super easily influenced. | ||
| And if you make it this thing where you just have to accept everything that happens to be trans, everything is fine as long as you call it trans. | ||
| Well then, what about perverts? | ||
| Don't you think perverts are gonna game that system? | ||
| This is a Willy Wonka golden ticket for perverts. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Wasn't there a fucking TED talk a couple years ago about some chicks saying that we need pedophiles? | ||
| I'm looking through comments on this saying that this video we just watched is satire. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen other videos like this where there are people that... | ||
| I don't know who they are, but there are groups of people that will make videos like this that make them seem real. | ||
| God, that lady's a great actress. | ||
| I'm not saying it is, but I'm looking at a lot of comments on TikTok saying this is staged, this is fake. | ||
| Well, they might be right. | ||
| But that lady, if that's true, that lady's a fucking great actress. | ||
| Because that lady really did seem like someone who was very flustered and was trying to protect her daughter. | ||
| Yes, she was. | ||
| And if it is satire and you use that daughter, that girl was a really good actress, too, because she looked like a girl would respond if a fucking grown man was trying to get in the bathroom and her mother was fighting with this grown man. | ||
| Like, she was frozen. | ||
| So if that's true, if that is fake, they're really good actors. | ||
| I'll tell you when I knew the world was going crazy, Weight Watchers is offering fucking those shots. | ||
| Those epic shots? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's a lot of money in those shots, Joey Diaz. | ||
| I don't know if you know that. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Do you know that those weight loss drug shots, like these peptides, it's one of the... | ||
| The biggest weight loss markets that's ever existed that gets emerged, they're everywhere now. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| How many people are on Ozempic and Wego V and all these other... | ||
| What's the numbers? | ||
| GLP-1. | ||
| Yeah, agonists or whatever they are. | ||
| That's not a free ride either. | ||
| Brian Simpson tried that shit and got wrecked. | ||
| He's one of the few people, like a certain percentage of people, they do it, they have a bad side effect, and he was one of those. | ||
| Terrible gastrointestinal pain, like he was in agony. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He had to quit it right away. | ||
| One database that has... | ||
| I'm still a little apprehensive after the vaccine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, you know, it was just another thing that just popped up. | ||
| If you had been talking about it for a few years, I would have jumped on it, but it just popped up. | ||
| Well, some people, Brigham supports it. | ||
| Brigham says it's like for people that want to lose weight, it is one of the only ways where you can kind of guarantee that they can lose weight. | ||
| But, you know, there's the argument about that a lot of people are losing muscle mass, and they're losing bone mass along with the weight. | ||
| He's saying, yeah, but that's because they're not doing it right, and they should also do it with peptides, and he said they should do it with resistance training. | ||
| Well, the guy I really know that he even talked to me about it. | ||
| He goes, Joey, consider it. | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| It says 1.7% of people in the U.S. have been prescribed a semaglutide medication in 2023, up 40-fold over the past five years. | ||
| I mean, I never even heard of it before 2022. No. | ||
| Okay, so that's then. | ||
| So 1.7% now. | ||
| So somewhere around, somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 million people are on it in this country. | ||
| Now, my friend said if you do it correctly, he goes, what happened was doctors prescribed it to you and nobody did the fucking research on it. | ||
| So they did the wrong dose? | ||
| I worked out with a guy, Joe, Fit for the Life, Tom, this motherfucker. | ||
| He's very smart, like you. | ||
| Very, like, this is his thing. | ||
| And I asked him once, because he asked me, he goes, have you ever considered it? | ||
| I go, I don't know. | ||
| Do you recommend it? | ||
| And he goes, let me tell you something. | ||
| If you do it correctly, it'll work. | ||
| He goes, I read into a bunch of studies. | ||
| But he goes, what they don't tell you is you have to change your eating. | ||
| You have to eat the protein first on your dish. | ||
| Because you're going to get too full by the time you get to your carbs. | ||
| So he goes, people were eating it and eating salad. | ||
| And that's why they were losing the muscle mass and everything. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Because you got to double your protein intake. | ||
| Now, like a bodybuilder needs 150 to 180 grams of fucking protein a day. | ||
| Sure, I could squeeze out 100 if I'm lucky, buddy. | ||
| Eggs are 7 grams each, right? | ||
| 3 eggs for breakfast, no steak. | ||
| You know, I'll eat all that shit later. | ||
| But how do you do 150 fucking grams a day of protein? | ||
| All I eat is meat. | ||
| That's 5 fucking meals. | ||
| That's 530 gram meals. | ||
| I'm sure I get close to that. | ||
| So that's what he was saying, that people were not doing it right. | ||
| It works 80% better with resistance training. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| 80% better. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Essentially what it does is it kills your desire to eat, right? | ||
| It kills your appetite, right? | ||
| So you eat less, right? | ||
| It's basically doing the same thing as if you had a controlled diet and you decided that you were going to eat less. | ||
| When you're going into starvation mode, so you're burning off more calories than your body consumes, your body's going to start eating its tissue. | ||
| You're going to eat some muscle mass. | ||
| You're just not doing... | ||
| But if you did do it with peptides and you did do it with weightlifting, I would imagine you probably... | ||
| I mean imagine a lot of that 35% they're talking about is like people didn't do anything I bet a lot of people just took the shots and especially they're overweight already and drinking alcohol. | ||
| They don't have Yeah, but I do know that some people get side effects and that was Brian Brian got one of the bad side effects. | ||
| They're pretty common. | ||
| You know, enough people get them to that. | ||
| It's something you have to consider. | ||
| You know, I called you about the peptide, and then you turned me on. | ||
| Thank you again for the stem cells today. | ||
| Yeah, I hope they help your knee, man. | ||
| I didn't pass out. | ||
| Good, beautiful. | ||
| I didn't faint. | ||
| I had to leave you in the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I knew, like, they were saying Joey's freaking out about needles. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| I wish you would have came in and talked to me a little bit. | ||
| The nurses were great. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Ways to Wells, awesome. | ||
| Listen, I love that place. | ||
| I could tell you, and I even told it to her face, I go, I'd love to tell you I felt the needle. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, they're really good. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| I love to tell you I felt the needle. | ||
| I didn't even feel it. | ||
| I put my iPod on, a little Santana. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Then I did the fucking IV. They have people black out all the time. | ||
| They see the needle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was talking about GSP. He was talking about GSP scanning needles. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Isn't that funny, that guy? | ||
| I'm telling you that it is the weirdest fear that you could ever fucking have. | ||
| GSP is so interesting because he's such a man that he's not afraid at all to tell you what he's afraid of. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like he doesn't put on any... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| There's no bluster. | ||
| There's no bullshit. | ||
| What he is is what he is. | ||
| Dog, I had my friend's parent when I was a kid. | ||
| I brought a snake into his house. | ||
| This guy was a fucking iron worker. | ||
| They're tough as nails, drinking Irish. | ||
| This guy was in the wall in the corner saying to me, Joey, I beg you, get that out of my house. | ||
| And I kept busting his balls. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Are you really scared of this little... | ||
| It was a little garter snake, dog. | ||
| I mean, he was ready to climb into a fucking corner there. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| That's phobias. | ||
| Ophidiophobia. | ||
| Dog, the best one, I was telling her, but I didn't tell her the truth. | ||
| I told the nurse about a different story, but when I went to prison, you have to do a physical. | ||
| So here I am in prison, you know, like, you gotta fucking hold your own. | ||
| I go in there, they put me at a desk, and I'm like, Lord, don't let me pass out. | ||
| Not today. | ||
| Because I will wake up, these brothers will yank me, dog. | ||
| Do not pass out. | ||
| And Joe, I fucking kept it together. | ||
| I went back into the holding check. | ||
| What up? | ||
| Yeah, you know, we did. | ||
| Next thing you know, I fucking put the arm down. | ||
| I took the cotton ball off, and there was a red dot on blood, and I fucking fainted. | ||
| I have thousands of them. | ||
| I never told anybody the truth to how I ripped my meniscus. | ||
| Let me tell you how I ripped my meniscus. | ||
| I was at acupuncture, and I was like this. | ||
| Because at that time, she didn't lay me down. | ||
| She sat me down. | ||
| And I was like this. | ||
| And she started sticking needles into me. | ||
| And I fainted. | ||
| And the chair, I buckled. | ||
| And I just fell off the chair onto the floor. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I tore my meniscus at acupuncture. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| Dog, I have a thousand. | ||
| You know, my wife had to stop. | ||
| When she was my girlfriend, she would send me down. | ||
| I got a blood test. | ||
| I wouldn't go. | ||
| I wouldn't go. | ||
| I'd be petrified. | ||
| Of needles. | ||
| Petrified. | ||
| I used to date a girl, and when she saw someone getting a needle in a movie, she would faint. | ||
| Bro, I fainted in Pulp Fiction. | ||
| When they stuck the needle in the heart, I was on a date in Boulder. | ||
| And all of a sudden, the girl's putting raisinets in my mouth and shit. | ||
| Saying, I think you passed out. | ||
| I did fucking pass out. | ||
| She was trying to revive you with raisinets? | ||
| With raisinets? | ||
| She didn't know. | ||
| She said, I just passed back. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| I got 10... | ||
| And it's always hit and miss. | ||
| Lately, the last 10 years, I've been very good. | ||
| Except for a couple IVs in my hand that didn't work. | ||
| But beside that, I've been very good. | ||
| Two, three months ago, I did the PRP on my knee. | ||
| They took six tubes of blood out. | ||
| That was no bueno for Papa. | ||
| You know my boy Tommy? | ||
| Tommy, Tommy Jr.? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Yeah, Tommy just fell asleep behind the wheel. | ||
| Shoveling snow all day. | ||
| Shoveling his car out of the snow. | ||
| He's driving. | ||
| He's got Dascam footage. | ||
| He just falls asleep. | ||
| Hits a fucking wall. | ||
| Is he okay? | ||
| Yeah, he's banged up. | ||
| He's banged up. | ||
| He's got some injuries. | ||
| But does he fall asleep? | ||
| He just doesn't know what happened. | ||
| He just blacked out. | ||
| It's blacked out driving from exertion. | ||
| You know, if you're a guy who's out of shape, snow is heavy, right? | ||
| Especially if it's melting a little bit, and you gotta do your whole driveway, that's a workout, man. | ||
| That's a workout. | ||
| It's not good after 50. Well, it's not good if you're not in shape. | ||
| It's great if you're in shape. | ||
| It's a really good workout. | ||
| I could put a fucking chest strap on and set an app for a workout and shovel in snow. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it's a real workout. | ||
| We used to shovel snow when I was a kid. | ||
| That was a great way to make money. | ||
| I shoveled fucking snow when I was an adult. | ||
| For money? | ||
| When I was 19, I shoveled snow in Aspen. | ||
| It would knock on people's doors. | ||
| No, I was part of the building crew. | ||
| I was 15 an hour. | ||
| And you went out there whatever hours you wanted. | ||
| It was work your own hours. | ||
| It was fucking fantastic. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I was also casing our joints, you know, because that's where all the drug dealers live. | ||
| So I was shoveling and casing. | ||
| Yeah, when I was a kid, we would make a ton of money. | ||
| Now you can't get a kid to come out. | ||
| In Jersey? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nobody knocks on my door. | ||
| I was out there last week. | ||
| It was understood in the neighborhood. | ||
| That's how people would make money. | ||
| So the moment it would start snowing, people would be showing up at people's houses, asking if they wanted to get shoveled out. | ||
| That was second. | ||
| I used to go on the roads. | ||
| And push motherfuckers. | ||
| That's a quick 20. Oh, yeah. | ||
| You push a motherfucker out of a hole, he'll do anything for you. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's always people stuck, too. | ||
| Pushing and then shoveling them out. | ||
| They got stuck. | ||
| Fucking putting rocks off there. | ||
| The thing is about, like, real cold places like that, people will fucking help you because they know you could die. | ||
| Like, if you see a highway and some guys it's snowing and some guy's over to the side of the road and his hood's up, let's pick this guy up. | ||
| Like, it's a dangerous thing to do, but a lot of people do it there. | ||
| A lot of people do it. | ||
| They'll pick people up in the snow. | ||
| I would. | ||
| Hey, listen, man. | ||
| I just was told when I moved to Jersey to be careful when I shovel. | ||
| A lot of people drop fucking shoveling snow. | ||
| You get up a heart attack. | ||
| It's real work. | ||
| But is it because of the cold weather? | ||
| Well, the weather's cold, but I don't think that's fucking you up. | ||
| I think it's just the exertion. | ||
| It's a lot of working out. | ||
| Let's say you have a hundred-yard driveway. | ||
| Yeah, you're done. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Okay, let's say it's 20 yards. | ||
| That's a lot to shovel. | ||
| If it's wet, if it's melting a lot, let's say that every shovel full is 40 pounds, okay? | ||
| If you're doing every shovel full 40 pounds for reps, so you're essentially doing this for reps and then carrying it, you're doing 500 reps? | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| For example, after only two minutes of snow shoveling, study participants' heart rates exceeded 85% of maximal heart rate, which is a level more commonly expected during intense aerobic exercise testing. | ||
| The impact is hardest on those people who are least fit. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| And that's, unfortunately, my boy Tommy. | ||
| So he just fucking... | ||
| and just blacked out behind the wheel. | ||
| Yeah, I just snowed. | ||
| It snowed two weeks ago. | ||
| I got a two-car driveway. | ||
| I shoveled it with my wife. | ||
| My daughter came out and threw some fucking salt. | ||
| I did the stairs. | ||
| We didn't touch the sidewalk because nobody walks on them. | ||
| If you're fit, you should look at it as your workout. | ||
| Dude, that's a workout. | ||
| Get out there and fucking get after it. | ||
| Do it like a workout. | ||
| Bro, Jamie, young Jamie, can I ask you for a favor? | ||
| Can you show Joe the people shoveling Buffalo Stadium last weekend? | ||
| That was fucking work. | ||
| And they pay you 20 an hour, they feed you, and they give you two tickets for the game. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's not a bad deal. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| If you're a kid, that's a good deal. | ||
| You get to see the game. | ||
| Bro, there were no kids out there. | ||
| There was a bunch of fat dudes like me out there fucking laying back fucking. | ||
| You sweating tickets? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me see what that looks like, James. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at the stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They're pushing all that snow down the chute. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They couldn't get it out. | ||
| They just let... | ||
| You could pick your seat when they did the game on Sunday. | ||
| So did they play in that snow? | ||
| No. | ||
| They would have. | ||
| They would have. | ||
| How would they know where the lines are? | ||
| They come out after every play and blow off the lines. | ||
| Oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| They only blow off the lines, so you're running through snow for the... | ||
| What's like the heaviest snow they've ever played in? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| And it's Buffalo. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You know, there's something very American about that, that you have to play in the snow. | ||
| I mean, that is the game, right? | ||
| Because baseball, they're like, oh, it's over, folks. | ||
| It's raining out. | ||
| Can't have these players get wet. | ||
| Not this. | ||
| Why don't they play baseball in the rain? | ||
| Play it in the fucking rain. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Play the game in the rain. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| It's a rain day. | ||
| We called it for rain. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's snowing. | ||
| Last week. | ||
| It's zero degrees and those guys are playing football. | ||
| Last week in Kansas City was the coldest football game of all time. | ||
| How cold was it? | ||
| Young Jamie. | ||
| Mine was nine outside. | ||
| I think the wind chill was minus... | ||
| There was motherfuckers with no t-shirts on. | ||
| I guess like 60 people went to the hospital. | ||
| Audience members? | ||
| 69 people needed help from the fire department. | ||
| Do you know one of the dudes that survived the Titanic? | ||
| He was in the water for two hours. | ||
| I think he was a chef. | ||
| And the story was that he got drunk before he went in the water. | ||
| He just got hammered because he knew he was gonna die. | ||
| And somehow or another, because he was drunk, he survived. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| I was reading this. | ||
| I was like, how does that make sense? | ||
| How a baker survived the Titanic sinking by getting really drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn you. | |
| I have bonkers, these motherfuckers. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, can you go back up so I can read? | ||
| So it says Charles... | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Johan? | ||
| How do you say that, Jimmy? | ||
| Johin was one of the disaster's most unlikely survivors and he did it thanks to industrial amounts of liquor. | ||
| So this dude got super duper hammered before he went in the water and somehow or another it helped him survive. | ||
| It was an almost physiologically impossible feat of survival, and according to the British Titanic inquiry, it was because the 33-year-old Englishman had the presence of mind to greet history's greatest maritime disaster by getting smashed. | ||
| He knew he was dying. | ||
| He knew he was dying, so he just decided to get fucked up, but he survived. | ||
| In survival situations, having all that warm blood away from the vital organs means that the drinker is at a greater risk of hyperthermia. | ||
| However, Canadian hypothermia expert Gordon Geisbrecht Figures in the minus two degrees Celsius temperature of the North Atlantic, the water was cold enough to quickly tighten Joheen's blood vessels and cancel out any effects of the alcohol. | ||
| So then, at low to moderate doses of alcohol, cold will win out, says Geichbracht. | ||
| A University of Manitoba professor has performed hundreds of cold water immersion studies. | ||
| What Geohin would have had, however, is the awesome life-saving power of liquid courage. | ||
| Alcohol remains a leading cause of humans getting into fatal situations, including freezing to death. | ||
| Nevertheless, the relaxing qualities of the drug have long been known to give humans an uncanny ability to survive trauma. | ||
| This reminded me of the story of that lady that passed out in the snow, and her friends found her like the next day, and they brought her in, and she was still alive. | ||
| Yeah, they're sitting right here in the ER, cold patients who are really drunk can walk in, and they're conscious at a temperature that they shouldn't be. | ||
| So being drunk keeps you alive. | ||
| Keep scrolling down a little more. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His actions might speak to a man unfazed by impending disaster. | ||
| Immediately upon hearing the collision with an iceberg, the chief baker leapt out of his bunk and began dispatching his staff to stock the lifeboats with bread and biscuits. | ||
| This done, he popped back into his cabin for a drink before heading topside to help load lifeboats. | ||
| Not only did... | ||
| Joaquin, however I say his name, Jogin, refused his own place on a boat. | ||
| There's no men like that today. | ||
| But he and a few other men began forcibly chucking reluctant women into empty seats, likely saving their lives. | ||
| He said, we threw them in. | ||
| He testified later. | ||
| The increasingly listing Titanic was mostly cleared of lifeboats by 1.30 a.m. | ||
| To most, this was a panic-inducing sign that all hopes of rescue was gone, but to whatever his name is, it was a cue to head back to his cabin for another drink. | ||
| So this dude's just getting fucked up. | ||
| He sat down on his bunk and nursed it along. | ||
| Aware, but are particularly caring that the water now rippled through the cabin doorway, wrote historian Walter Lord in A Night to Remember. | ||
| Lord was in touch with the dude before the Baker's 1956 death. | ||
| He said the dude then splashed topside again, where he took upon himself to begin throwing deck chairs overboard with an eye to filling the water with impromptu flotation devices. | ||
| So the people could float around on the chairs. | ||
| He then worked his way back to the pantry to get a drink of water. | ||
| The baker was standing on the stern when the ship broke in half. | ||
| And yet he remembered the violent, catastrophic breakup only as a great list over to port. | ||
| There was no great shock or anything, he told the Enquirer. | ||
| So he was just hammered. | ||
| Definitely moving through the swarms of people. | ||
| He made it to the stern rail of the ship exactly 2.20 a.m. | ||
| He rode the sinking Titanic into the sea like an elevator. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| As with all surviving Titanic crew members, 2.20 a.m. | ||
| on April 15, 1912 was also the exact moment in which the White Star Line stopped paying him. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| The first stage of cold water immersion is known as cold shock. | ||
| Horrifying sensation of having the skin cool, the feelings with the Titanic's second officer, Charles Lightowler, described as being like a thousand knives being driven into one's body. | ||
| So how did this dude survive? | ||
| What did he float around on for two hours? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Hmm... | ||
| I was just paddling and treading water for two hours? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| How come Leo couldn't do that then in the movie? | ||
| He just sunk in the water after two minutes. | ||
| Leo wasn't hammered and he gave up. | ||
| This dude didn't give up. | ||
| He paddled water for hours. | ||
| I guess it took a couple hours for them to get someone to get to them? | ||
| Yeah, after two hours. | ||
| Which is pretty impressive that they got to them in two hours. | ||
| Eventually the whole... | ||
| In 19 what? | ||
| What was this like? | ||
| 19 or somewhere around there. | ||
| I don't know the exact 1912. I don't know. | ||
| The early 1900s. | ||
| So the fact they got to them in two hours is pretty amazing. | ||
| 1919. Oh, no. | ||
| 107th. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| So... | ||
| 1912. Yeah. | ||
| 1912. Wow. | ||
| Let me go think real quick. | ||
| Yeah, I'll go too. | ||
| We'll be right back. | ||
| Yeah, so she fell out of an airplane and she landed on an anthill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How big was that fucking anthill? | |
| And it was fire ants? | ||
| One here doesn't say that. | ||
| It was a 1999 47-year-old woman, Joan Murray. | ||
| Altitude of 14,500 feet. | ||
| Second parachute also failed to deploy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Crashed into a fire ant mound at more than 80 miles an hour. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Immediately started attacking her body, which kept her alive because of the adrenaline. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then she still survived. | ||
| She was in a coma for two weeks, had operations, but she's still alive, I think. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I wonder if the... | ||
| Did they slow her down at all, the parachutes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
80 miles an hour is pretty fucking fast. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what terminal velocity is if you don't have one, but... | ||
| Fuck parachutes, bro. | ||
| Fuck parachutes. | ||
| I'd like to try it one day. | ||
| I can set it up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You have the guy here? | ||
| Oh yeah, I got guys. | ||
| Hi! | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| You wouldn't even consider it? | ||
| You're a rush. | ||
| You might not be able to. | ||
| You might be too big. | ||
| Too big, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there's a number. | ||
| Like a guy was just telling us the other day on Kill Tony that he had to lose weight. | ||
| I think was it for parachuting? | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a number. | ||
| There has to be a number. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think you'd be like above 220 or something like that. | ||
| No, I don't think a parachute would hold up. | ||
| No, and you have to have someone on your back, too. | ||
| The first time you do it, there's a person that's got to do it with you. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that Joey Diaz. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That. | ||
| I'm sure it's exciting. | ||
| I don't need that in my life. | ||
| My life is exciting enough. | ||
| This is Travis Pastrana. | ||
| This is a long time ago. | ||
| It's an X Games promo. | ||
| Did he go into the net? | ||
| No, so he's like the crazy guy. | ||
| Jumps without, does all sorts of stuff. | ||
| Motocross. | ||
| But I don't know if you just noticed, he jumped out without a parachute. | ||
| He just got nothing there. | ||
| And he threw his can away. | ||
| Except the Red Bull. | ||
| But the Red Bull can is going to hit someone in the fucking head and kill him. | ||
| I think it was empty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it's coming from space? | ||
| Bro, that Red Bull can could fuck you up, so someone has to grab him? | ||
| Yeah, he ends up... | ||
| It looks like that's all they did is just put his legs around him. | ||
| Well, no, they gave him a parachute. | ||
| No, he's just strapped. | ||
| He just got locked onto that guy. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And they go all the way down, and he's, like, barely attached. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's so nuts. | ||
| I'm sure it's exciting, but fuck that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| Every once in a while you gotta do something out of your comfort range. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Like today I went and got, you know, I would have never dreamed of that shit, but it makes you a better person. | ||
| You gotta do little shit like that. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I don't know if you have to do that. | ||
| That's not a little shit. | ||
| Jumping out of a fucking plane with no parachute, that's not a little thing. | ||
| I mean, you gotta fucking get a rise out of something after a while, brother. | ||
| I think that's a big thing. | ||
| I would advise you not doing that one. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| But, you know, you gotta try shit. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know, I still remember going to Colorado. | ||
| When I was 19, and people go, do you want to go skiing? | ||
| And I go, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I'll never ski. | ||
| Skiing, this, that. | ||
| You break your legs. | ||
| Until I got up there, Joe. | ||
| I was so lonely. | ||
| On Christmas Day, I go, fuck it. | ||
| Let me go get some skis and go up there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And it would change my life. | ||
| And ever since that, I'm like, you know, every once in a while, listen, it's not going to work out. | ||
| It's not like I could ski now. | ||
| There's no fucking way. | ||
| But at least I got to do it. | ||
| The thing about skiing is everybody tries to go on harder courses than you can control. | ||
| You have to really learn how to... | ||
| Dog, you got to live there. | ||
| Or you gotta go to every... | ||
| It's like anything else. | ||
| You wanna get good at stand-up? | ||
| You gotta show up and do the dance. | ||
| You gotta go do jiu-jitsu, whatever. | ||
| Weightlifting, whatever. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Well, also, there's a lot of people that try skiing that don't do anything else. | ||
| No! | ||
| And the worst thing is when people say to me, I'm going skiing, they haven't done anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They haven't done anything. | ||
| First of all, you go to Aspen, I used to be a fucking security fucking driver up there, okay? | ||
| I'd see the people that would come in, the amount of alcohol, the amount of shit. | ||
| Let me tell you what happens. | ||
| After one day of skiing, if you're not skiing consistently, bro, you use muscles you haven't used before. | ||
| I don't care how many squats you do and kettlebells, let's go skiing. | ||
| Just three times down a medium hill, the next day you'll go, fuck, this hurts in here, my hamstrings hurt, different things hurt. | ||
| They use different fucking muscles when you ski. | ||
| So people go up there, you gotta prepare for that shit. | ||
| But I lived in Snowmass, so it was like going to a summer camp. | ||
| I got to ski every day, whether it was two runs before work or three runs after work. | ||
| So you get good. | ||
| You get used to it. | ||
| The falls become easier. | ||
| Next thing you know, you're up there with no winter jacket. | ||
| Fuck, I don't need no fucking winter jacket. | ||
| This will do, a hooded sweatshirt. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Do you ski without a helmet? | ||
| There wasn't even helmets for skiing when I was skiing. | ||
| This is 50 fucking years ago. | ||
| You went up there, you know, and then it was just something that I never thought I would do, like whitewater rafting. | ||
| That shit is great up there, you know? | ||
| You go down from Aspen all the way down to Glenwood Springs and shit. | ||
| I loved all that crazy stuff. | ||
| You know, that was... | ||
| But I don't like camping. | ||
| Because you can't wash your pussy. | ||
| Okay, I'm not going to sit with you in a tent for four days with a stinky asshole. | ||
| That ain't an adventure for me. | ||
| If you want to go camping, I'm like a white camper. | ||
| I want a shower. | ||
| I want a restaurant. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| There's something on the location. | ||
| There's those things, but I always wanted to bungee jump one time or something. | ||
| Something out of a plane, just something. | ||
| Doesn't have to be, you know, I've jumped off a cliff into water, you know, 20 feet, whatever. | ||
| But just for somebody to say, you could jump off that cliff in Hawaii and land and you got 100 feet under you, nothing's going to happen to you. | ||
| I'll fucking try it. | ||
| You can, if you fuck up, you land wrong. | ||
| I know someone who landed on their ass. | ||
| They landed on their ass instead of straight and they fucked their back up. | ||
| No, you're done. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| But that's funny what you said before about somebody throwing a can up in the sky and it's going to kill somebody. | ||
| That Red Bull can, that's 15,000 feet in the air. | ||
| Dog, I almost got arrested when I was like 10 for almost killing the dude in Puerto Rico. | ||
| I went to Puerto Rico and my parents, my mom and the other parents left us alone and went out. | ||
| And we started throwing fucking ice off the balcony and shit. | ||
| And we kept on throwing it and throwing it. | ||
| And next thing you know, I heard an ambulance and fucking cops were knocking on all the doors and they fucking, they knew it was us. | ||
| The guy was on the floor, fucking out guy, with a little fucking ice cube from the sixth floor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah, six floor ice cube hit you in the head. | ||
| Six fucking floor. | ||
| That'll fracture your fucking skull. | ||
| Man, I used to do so many crazy things like that, Joe. | ||
| When I was on 88th Street, when I was like six or seven, I would play with these kids. | ||
| There was a 205 West 88th Street was on the corner, then there was a parking garage. | ||
| It's still there. | ||
| And I would play in there with the kids, and then when I would get a little bit of anxiety, I would go up to my apartment, to my bedroom, and my mother used to have the 45s from the record player at the bar, and she would give me the ones she'd take out, and I'd go by the window, and I'd just throw them out. | ||
| And they would come out like boomerangs, and come down, and you'd hear, hey, stop that! | ||
| And I'd just throw like 50 of them out, and then you'd hear the kids going, hey, fuck you! | ||
| They didn't know it was me! | ||
| And then I would come back. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Some motherfucker up there is throwing fucking things on me. | ||
| One day I kid a kid with a thing, but he just fell down for a few minutes. | ||
| Another time, there was a place when I was growing up in North Bergen called Duratest. | ||
| They just made light bulbs. | ||
| But they made the long fluorescent ones. | ||
| You know how many times I hit in the head with those? | ||
| We would jump in their dumpster. | ||
| And take all the fluorescent bulbs out and light bulbs and just hit each other with it. | ||
| That dust that comes out of a fucking fluorescent light bulb in the 70s. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| We would have those light bulb wars all the time. | ||
| And then we started having them from the roofs. | ||
| And people would throw light bulbs up at us. | ||
| And we would throw light bulbs back. | ||
| And I would put the light bulbs on the floor. | ||
| And we'd call them spears. | ||
| And we'd throw the fucking long fluorescent lights at them. | ||
| One day I picked up a light bulb. | ||
| I didn't know I picked up a rock with that motherfucker. | ||
| And I just drew it at the kid. | ||
| And all of a sudden, the kid's looking right at me. | ||
| And I saw that rock just go... | ||
| And he just went backwards. | ||
| Now, this was a pervert kid. | ||
| His name was Ali, him and his brother. | ||
| Like, we were 10 or 12, and him and his brother were going to hookah houses. | ||
| His father would take him in the city when he was like 10, 11. And he would come back and tell us, they washed our dick. | ||
| It was tremendous. | ||
| I hit that kid in the head so hard with that rock, without knowing. | ||
| It wasn't no malice intended. | ||
| But when I got down there... | ||
| The lump had gone up off his head like one of those fights when the guy has a lump, a tumor, and it had like a little pimple with blood in it. | ||
| It was already filled up, though. | ||
| And it had ice on his head. | ||
| I felt so bad. | ||
| I was giggling inside, but you feel fucking bad when you do that shit to people. | ||
| His dad took him to a brothel when he was 10? | ||
| Every weekend. | ||
| They were Cuban. | ||
| The Ali brothers, Juan and Carlos Ali. | ||
| Juan was the brains of the operation. | ||
| Carlos was a little bit on the slow brother. | ||
| He was like the Lenny of the Squiggy. | ||
| How crazy is it taking a 10-year-old to a brothel? | ||
| Well, they were going every weekend into the city. | ||
| Sixth grade, seventh grade. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And telling us about all the stories on fucking Mondays. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Bro, we grew up with some pieces of work. | ||
| Not these kids growing up today where people didn't do anything with them. | ||
| You know, I look at my daughter, her little friends, it's not gonna be good for them. | ||
| It's gonna be weird, that's for sure. | ||
| It's not gonna be good for them. | ||
| It's gonna be weird. | ||
| It's gonna be a completely different world. | ||
| I try to, but, you know, you try the hardest and you talk to them and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the best you could do, but the world they're gonna grow up in is completely different than our fucking world. | ||
| Completely different. | ||
| You know, and it's so weird that I had to... | ||
| I had a shitty childhood, family-wise, but everything else was fucking aces with me, bro. | ||
| I laughed my ass off. | ||
| I had a great time. | ||
| These kids, they don't, you know... | ||
| One of the kids we took to the city for Jingle Bells told me, I never came to New York City before. | ||
| She had never seen a cab before. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Never saw a cab before. | ||
| It's only an hour away. | ||
| Hour away. | ||
| 55 fucking minutes, you know? | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| New Jersey is a completely different world. | ||
| People have this idea that New Jersey is like real similar to New York, like the Bronx or something like that. | ||
| New Jersey is very rural. | ||
| Very rural. | ||
| There's a lot of spots. | ||
| Let's have young Jamie check it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jamie, where's the most horses in the United States? | ||
| Equestrian state. | ||
| If that's New Jersey, that's nuts. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Listen, bro. | ||
| Jersey has Newark, Bayonne, Amboy. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| You'll get fucking killed in Newark. | ||
| Camden. | ||
| Camden, Pensauken. | ||
| You know, Jersey City's getting bad. | ||
| North Bergen's not all good. | ||
| You know, they just had a couple murders in Hoboken. | ||
| It's not New York City, per se. | ||
| But it has cities. | ||
| Action's still fucking happening. | ||
| Yeah, there's cities. | ||
| But it's a lot bigger than people think it is. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| New Jersey. | ||
| Bro, I'm in shock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm in shock how big it is. | ||
| I never fucking knew to that. | ||
| People think it's real little. | ||
| You drive through it real quick and next thing you know you're in Philadelphia. | ||
| No, that's only one way. | ||
| If you look at the entirety of the state and how much of it is actually rural, New Jersey has the most horses per capita. | ||
| 10 horses per 1,000 people. | ||
| What did I tell you? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dog, if you thought I knew that, I think it was Kentucky. | ||
| You know what also they have? | ||
| What? | ||
| The highest population of black bears. | ||
| Who? | ||
| New Jersey. | ||
| New Jersey, yeah, but that's up north, dog. | ||
| And they don't fuck around up there. | ||
| The bears? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're down south, too. | ||
| They're near Rutgers. | ||
| One of the students from Rutgers got killed by a bear. | ||
| My daughter said she saw a bear one day when we were driving. | ||
| A little bear. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Oh, they're there, Joey. | ||
| Far Rockaway. | ||
| There's videos of them in Far Rockaway fighting on this street. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| These giant bears. | ||
| They're so big and they're fighting over garbage cans. | ||
| They're knocking each other over. | ||
| They topple Down into a fucking mailbox, they're out into the street. | ||
| This guy's sitting in his car filming these, like, 400-pound bears going to war with each other in the middle of, like, a crowded suburb. | ||
| Cars are stopped. | ||
| You ever seen this? | ||
| No. | ||
| Find that video. | ||
| That video's fucking bananas. | ||
| Because you're looking at these giant predators that are fighting each other over territory in the middle of people's cities, and these people aren't freaking out. | ||
| They've just decided. | ||
| And this is like before they stopped the bear hunt. | ||
| When the new governor got into place, one of the things he was running on was he was going to stop bear hunting. | ||
| And he got in and he did. | ||
| He stopped bear hunting. | ||
| And they restarted it. | ||
| Yeah, they restarted it. | ||
| After a couple years, they're like, okay. | ||
| The population got out of control for a while. | ||
| It was already out of control. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Like, look at these two. | ||
| Joey, I mean, this is someone's fucking yard. | ||
| Look at the size of these fuckers. | ||
| And they're just duking it out in front of a mailbox. | ||
| While this guy's car is parked. | ||
| I mean, this is nuts, man. | ||
| Fighting over a female. | ||
| Look at all the fur they're pulling off of each other. | ||
| I mean, that's in New Jersey. | ||
| You know, that's not Montana. | ||
| That's New Jersey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy, bro. | |
| New Jersey has the highest numbers of black bear per capita. | ||
| Are they bad? | ||
| They're not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Not good to have that many of them. | ||
| It kills everything. | ||
| They'll kill small dogs. | ||
| They'll kill your deer population. | ||
| They'll kill a lot of the things that you like. | ||
| They're gonna cannibalize each other for sure if they get to certain numbers. | ||
| They already do that. | ||
| The males already kill cubs. | ||
| They're monsters. | ||
| They're fucking monsters. | ||
| They're not teddy bears. | ||
| I mean, they're cool. | ||
| It's nice that they exist. | ||
| I wouldn't want to eradicate them, but you have to keep them in control. | ||
| Now, do you know that I'm closer to Philly than I am to Atlantic City? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm 44 minutes from Philly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm an hour five. | ||
| Nah, an hour. | ||
| You should do a residency in Philly. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| I love Philly. | ||
| Philly's awesome. | ||
| Bro, I go to basketball games. | ||
| I go to baseball games there in Philly. | ||
| I had a fucking great time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you could just do a couple days a week in Philly if you wanted to. | |
| Doug, last time I went to Philly, I went with a bunch of kids and their parents, you know. | ||
| And I look over in Philadelphia, and I swear to God, again, there's no hate for me. | ||
| I see two guys swapping spit in the chair. | ||
| I didn't say a word. | ||
| I go, I wonder how long this is going to last. | ||
| Bro, they don't play in Philly. | ||
| They say shit to you. | ||
| What were they saying to these guys? | ||
| Ah! | ||
| Not good things. | ||
| Get the fuck out of the seats. | ||
| There's kids around here, you nasty motherfuckers. | ||
| This one black dude was going off. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Off, you know. | ||
| Another time I saw, I went to a game, I don't know what I saw, and they just don't play in Philly. | ||
| That's a bold move to do that in a sports... | ||
| Philadelphia's a little fucking rough, bro. | ||
| I remember one time I did a show in Philly. | ||
| I didn't even go in. | ||
| When I finished, I just jumped into the audience. | ||
| There was no sense of going in the back. | ||
| Because they weren't going to have it. | ||
| They were going to kick that door down. | ||
| There was no sense in me going in the back. | ||
| They weren't going to be here. | ||
| I just jumped out into the audience. | ||
| They caught me. | ||
| And it was just, do whatever you need to do. | ||
| You guys are fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, Philly's a fun city. | ||
| It was always a good place to go through. | ||
| Always a good place for pool, too. | ||
| Think about the things that come out of Philly. | ||
| A lot of boxers, a lot of pool players. | ||
| It was always good pool halls in Philly. | ||
| They still have a lot of them. | ||
| Yeah, Fusco still has a place. | ||
| Jimmy Fusco. | ||
| Was it Jimmy or Pete? | ||
| One of those guys who was a top-level pool player had a place in FUSCO's pool hall. | ||
| I know I played there with... | ||
| I'm pretty sure I played there with Tommy. | ||
| Bro, he took me to... | ||
| The cop I know from Newark took me to a place one night to see where some... | ||
| Jackie Gleason used to do comedy there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It's still there. | ||
| Some bar. | ||
| It's like fucking, they renovated it. | ||
| Here, Fusco's the spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which Fusco owns that? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| Jimmy Fusco died. | ||
| Okay, scroll up. | ||
| It said he died. | ||
| 2017. Yeah. | ||
| But great, great fucking old school pool hall. | ||
| Real pool hall. | ||
| It's just how crazy that area, how much, you know, it's like I finally watched the show because I read a book and then I said, let me watch the show, Boardwalk Empire. | ||
| I don't know if you ever watched that. | ||
| I watched a little bit of it. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because very interesting. | ||
| It went, it took the history of Atlantic City and then the last two seasons it touched on the Hagues. | ||
| And the Hagues were, like, fucking huge. | ||
| And that's where I went for my surgery one time when I was a kid. | ||
| Margaret Hague. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| That's where you gave birth to kids. | ||
| I went to Christ Hospital. | ||
| Margaret Hague was a hospital in Jersey City, and they were all related. | ||
| So I just followed that, and I just started reading all that Philadelphia shit. | ||
| Like, there's a town by me called Highland. | ||
| Highland, New Jersey. | ||
| They just built a ferry to take you from Highland to New York City. | ||
| That's where fucking Vito Genovese lived. | ||
| I didn't know this shit. | ||
| All those towns have a rich fucking history of just everything. | ||
| Pool, gangsters, fucking food. | ||
| The fucking food down in Jersey now is fucking tremendous, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different kind of food. | ||
| That East Coast Italian food? | ||
| That's different. | ||
| But everybody has a different type of East Coast. | ||
| Like, if you go to El Nido, they got the nice chicken, they got the pasta, the steaks, and that's that place. | ||
| I go to another place, I just go there for the fucking... | ||
| I go to Osteria just for the... | ||
| What do you like? | ||
| The beans with the grass, the lettuce... | ||
| Pasta azul? | ||
| The other one. | ||
| Escarole and beans. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| There's times I work out and I just go straight there. | ||
| Water with lemon and a bowl of escarole soup with beans. | ||
| And they put little bits of fucking prosciutto in there or that ham or something. | ||
| Oh my God, Joe. | ||
| I don't even need the fucking sauce and the spaghetti no more. | ||
| I'm on to a different... | ||
| And my neighbor, out of all those restaurants, bro, they're all great, but my neighbor Jody Puma probably outcooks all those motherfuckers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Jody Puma's the baddest motherfucker I know. | ||
| She don't cook much because she works in the city. | ||
| I gotta go over there and torture her. | ||
| And say, Jody, what the fuck? | ||
| I'm in the mood for Bolognese or something. | ||
| Off the chain, bro. | ||
| Off the chain, you know? | ||
| There used to be a lot of good places near White Plains. | ||
| And then you went to that sandwich place. | ||
| He gave you a shout-out the other day. | ||
| Oh, yeah, G&R Deli. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That place is great. | ||
| That sandwich was fucking huge. | ||
| I can't eat those no more, Joe. | ||
| You can eat it once. | ||
| What you do is you just don't eat anything that day. | ||
| I can't, bro. | ||
| Wet moots. | ||
| I love wet moots. | ||
| But you gotta give it a fucking... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You can't eat that? | ||
| There's a place that gets... | ||
| I go to the same... | ||
| Osteria. | ||
| When they bring the wet moots, you just put black pepper on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Jesus Christ, Joe. | ||
| A little bit of olive oil. | ||
| Me and Vic went one time and we got that. | ||
| Me and Vic were like, oh my God. | ||
| The cheese tastes so good. | ||
| But that shit I used to eat, like prosciutto on mozzarella with a fucking... | ||
| I can't do that no more. | ||
| No? | ||
| Too much of a sandwich, man. | ||
| Well, what have you done when you've tried to manipulate your diet? | ||
| I know you did Weight Watchers for a while, and you lost a bunch of weight. | ||
| But then, have you ever tried different kinds of diets? | ||
| Have you ever tried keto or low carb? | ||
| I would do the keto, but I can't eat that much meat in a day. | ||
| Like this morning I got three pieces of bacon, I ate two. | ||
| What about eggs? | ||
| Do you eat eggs? | ||
| Yeah, like a motherfucker. | ||
| Well, if you wanted to try something that would help you lose weight, just eliminate all the sugar in bread. | ||
| Just eliminate all that stuff. | ||
| Just eat only things that are either like vegetables or meat. | ||
| Just only that. | ||
| I've been working a lot on fasting. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| It took me a while. | ||
| How long do you do? | ||
| I could eat at seven and then not eat lunch till four. | ||
| I'm down to two meals a day and a protein shake. | ||
| That's what I'm down to right now. | ||
| I don't eat. | ||
| That lunch was huge. | ||
| When your plate came, I was like, I hope that's not my fucking plate. | ||
| I hope, even though those ribs look fucking killer. | ||
| They're good. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| I can't do it no more. | ||
| I could get like an eight ounce, ten ounce steak. | ||
| Now, that's the most meat I could eat at night, you know. | ||
| Today I had turkey and the brisket. | ||
| It was fucking delicious. | ||
| I eat avocado toast for breakfast. | ||
| Three eggs, avocado toast, and a fruit bowl. | ||
| That's my breakfast, dog. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's a good start. | ||
| That's a good way to get going. | ||
| In my world, that's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where I come from? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Six eggs, white bread. | ||
| A stick of butter and a pack of bacon and then an hour after that go to McDonald's before 11. I'd say that's a big fucking change, my friend. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big change. | ||
| It's a big change. | ||
| The big one is if you can just cut the bullshit out. | ||
| Instead of the avocado toast, dude, go with something else. | ||
| Just cut that bread out. | ||
| That'll help you a lot. | ||
| I like avocado. | ||
| I'll eat avocado without the bread. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Eat the avocado. | ||
| The avocado's great for you, but the bread is just never good for you. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| And that's why I said, now they're making these sandwiches, bro, in Jersey. | ||
| They're like this. | ||
| It's a fucking wet mooch, chicken cutlet, you know, something else. | ||
| You smash it together and you can barely get your mouth around it. | ||
| And that fucking semolina bread. | ||
| I'll stab three motherfuckers for that. | ||
| That shit is good. | ||
| And that's the one thing, those Staten Island motherfuckers did not help my area. | ||
| Because they brought some serious food into Jersey. | ||
| And I mean serious. | ||
| There's a deli in Staten Island called Raw Crown. | ||
| Joe Rogan, they're chocolate bread. | ||
| When people, the lady brings up, thank God they're not in my fucking name. | ||
| Chocolate bread? | ||
| Chocolate Italian bread. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What did I just say? | ||
| It's Italian bread with little pieces of chocolate in it, all through the bread. | ||
| And then they have prosciutto bread, and they have mozzarella bread, and they have... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dog, my neighbor, one night I was in the basement getting high by myself, and I'm like, man, I could eat something. | ||
| And something made me go outside, and I saw a loaf of bread. | ||
| And I go, what the fuck is this? | ||
| I brought in and said, Joey, a chocolate bread from Staten Island. | ||
| My mother brought it for you. | ||
| I brought it in the house. | ||
| I took a bite of that motherfucker. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| She goes, did you like it? | ||
| I go, did I fucking like it? | ||
| It was fucking tremendous. | ||
| Chocolate bread. | ||
| Prosciutto bread. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that. | ||
| Look at this shit, Joe. | ||
| That looks so good. | ||
| And listen, I do it, I eat one piece. | ||
| But you're supposed to get that, cut it, and then put it in the oven, then put, yeah, a nice piece of chocolate. | ||
| Yeah, that's me. | ||
| Look at that motherfucker. | ||
| Italian bread with chocolate in it. | ||
| So you want to tell me how hard it is to be me? | ||
| I'm getting nervous just hearing that. | ||
| You want to tell me how hard it is to be me? | ||
| And you're supposed to cut it and put butter on it. | ||
| I just cut a piece and eat it and give the rest to my daughter and my wife. | ||
| I got to get out of here. | ||
| I would eat that whole motherfucker for sure. | ||
| Dog! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dog! | ||
| When you walk into Royal Crown, they have a section just for mortadella. | ||
| What they could do with mortadella. | ||
| That's when you know you have a problem. | ||
| Then they just move down the line. | ||
| If you want a cap of coal, everything is to kill you. | ||
| But it's fucking delicious. | ||
| But it's fucking delicious. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have any of that out here. | ||
| Like that kind of an Italian deli. | ||
| Yet. | ||
| Not enough Italian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, if those guys from G&R Deli opened up a shop out here, they'd fucking kill it. | ||
| They made those same sandwiches out here. | ||
| And they import a lot of their shit from Italy anyway. | ||
| But look at Rayo's just opened in Vegas. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Rayo's just opened in Vegas. | ||
| Rayo's? | ||
| Like the famous restaurant from New York, Rayo's. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| R-A-O-S. Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have one in L.A. Yeah, you could do it in Vegas, for sure. | |
| But they opened up in Vegas, you know. | ||
| People are spreading out, so that's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did. | |
| They just opened up a Peter Luger's in Vegas. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| It was Peter Luger. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| That place is the shit. | ||
| If I'm ever in Brooklyn, I'm eating at Peter Luger's. | ||
| I always go. | ||
| That place rules. | ||
| Last time I went, I went with Ari. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I caught a 4 o'clock fucking dinner reservation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's do it. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| That place is great. | ||
| They got a bad review in the New York Times or something like that. | ||
| Me and Ari had just gone there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we're like, what the fuck are they talking about? | |
| It was fantastic. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| The steak comes over. | ||
| It's crackling. | ||
| The butter's dripping all over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cut all over for you. | |
| You take a slice of it. | ||
| You're like, it's perfect. | ||
| It's the perfect steak. | ||
| And you're getting the smell from the plate. | ||
| The plate's coming out of the oven where they finish it. | ||
| Don't touch the plate, it's hot, okay? | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| That place rules. | ||
| And it's right there. | ||
| It's easy to get there. | ||
| I'd rather go there than go to the city. | ||
| There's a video, like a documentary on how they pick their cattle. | ||
| There's like a documentary on steak, and the Peter Luger part is like a big part of it. | ||
| Because these people are trying to figure out why the fuck are these steaks so good. | ||
| Like people from other countries were coming to study how Peter Luger's making their steaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That fucking place is tremendous. | ||
| So they take you through the entire step, like how much they age it, what they do, and you go to how they treat it. | ||
| So they get it down to the size and they trim it. | ||
| I mean, they've been doing this shit for a hundred years. | ||
| Peter Luger's is from the 1800s, I think. | ||
| Like, when did that place open? | ||
| Who showed us if they had a credit card from Peter Luger? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Somebody we hung out. | ||
| They're dead. | ||
| See, look, they just put salt on it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And they get it in one of those broilers. | ||
| So they have those broilers where the flame is above the steak. | ||
| You know, so it's not like direct heat on the steak where the fat is dripping down. | ||
| You get flare-ups. | ||
| No, the flame is above the steak. | ||
| And then they flip it. | ||
| And then they slice it up. | ||
| And then they put it on a plate. | ||
| And then once they slice it up and put it on a plate, then they put it in the oven. | ||
| And they finish it in the oven. | ||
| Oh my goodness, dude. | ||
| See, they do it like that. | ||
| They put it on a plate. | ||
| Finish. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| And when they pull that bitch out, it's just... | ||
| So that's her right now setting it up. | ||
| Then they bring it out to these people. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They put the drippings on there. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Sensational. | ||
| Should we get out of here? | ||
| You done? | ||
| No, no, I was just looking and my daughter sent me a picture of her fucking sledding. | ||
| Is it snowing in Jersey right now? | ||
| Fuck, 6 in the morning. | ||
| When I woke up this morning, I already had a notice that they closed school. | ||
| School was supposed to be a half day, but it started snowing at 6 in the fucking morning. | ||
| And they went to... | ||
| It's still snowing, bro. | ||
| I loved snow days when I was a kid. | ||
| They were the best. | ||
| That's when you hustled. | ||
| That's when we made money. | ||
| You made money, but also you get to stay home. | ||
| You look out the window, you're like, fuck yeah. | ||
| No school. | ||
| I ain't doing that turn paper tonight and shit. | ||
| Yeah, get the fuck away from me. | ||
| Because now they tell you the day before. | ||
| You do it online. | ||
| Now you'd have to do your homework online. | ||
| These kids, they tell you the day before. | ||
| There's no action. | ||
| With us, we had to wait until like 11.30. | ||
| Then you got a call from somebody, hey, my dad just heard they're going to cancel school, so... | ||
| Fuck that term paper. | ||
| Those are the best when you get a call from people, you know? | ||
| Dude, school's canceled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Yes! | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| Because my dad just killed a fucking guy. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta take people's word for it. | ||
| There was times where we thought school was canceled, it wasn't. | ||
| Like, are they fucking serious? | ||
| And then you're like, for sure they're gonna cancel. | ||
| Look at the snow. | ||
| They're gonna cancel. | ||
| And the snow stops, and school's still on. | ||
| Like, you mother. | ||
| Yeah, but there was a lot of days when we grew up where it snowed, but they didn't give a fuck. | ||
| They were going to school. | ||
| It had to be bad. | ||
| It had to be bad. | ||
| Now, they just get the threat of snow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's canceled. | ||
| You wake up the next day and there's an inch, and you're like, what the fuck are these people doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Roll that joint in front of the microphone. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I can't hear you. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| No, so that's the problem, that you... | ||
| Do you ever roll blunts or do you only roll joints? | ||
| You know I got pneumonia last summer. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, that's why I have a hard time breathing now. | ||
| How'd you get pneumonia? | ||
| I had no fucking idea. | ||
| Pneumonia, rather. | ||
| Pneumonia. | ||
| Joe, everything was going great. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Something? | ||
| Oh, I was getting shortness of breath. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| So I went to the doctor. | ||
| First they told me I had a kidney stone. | ||
| Then I went and got a scan for the kidney stone. | ||
| There was no kidney stone. | ||
| But they saw something else, and they made me go in for a lung x-ray. | ||
| And at the lung x-ray is where they fucking were like, you got a fucking pneumonia. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| It took like three weeks to find out. | ||
| Bro, I couldn't walk to my mailbox, Joe. | ||
| I'd walk to my mailbox, and I'd be huffing and fucking puffing. | ||
| How'd you get rid of it? | ||
| The blunts. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, the blunts were giving it to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many blunts were you smoking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two. | |
| But that's not... | ||
| I'm not a cigar guy. | ||
| I'm the only Cuban. | ||
| I'm looking at your fucking cigar collection before, and I'm like, I'm the only fucking Cuban that has no... | ||
| I love a cigar. | ||
| Ron White gave me these little ones. | ||
| These are little cigars. | ||
| So if you don't want to have a whole cigar, you just want a little puff, it's little Monte Cristo's. | ||
| And those are really good, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those are the best. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's good. | ||
| It's good tobacco. | ||
| But it's so that you don't have to finish the cigar. | ||
| You just want a little puff. | ||
| Those fucking cigars are too big. | ||
| They get me dizzy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| It's just a little puff. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something was just bothering me. | ||
| And I... What else can I be doing? | ||
| Yeah, that's not good for you. | ||
| You know, I would love for you to get healthier. | ||
| And I know at one point in time, like I said, you'd lost a lot of weight. | ||
| You lost... | ||
| What did you lose? | ||
| I mean, you must have lost close to 80 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What'd you lose at one point in time? | ||
| I started at four something. | ||
| But there's one time in the Weight Watchers time where it was pretty quickly. | ||
| It was over like a period of 10 months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody was like, look how good Joey looks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And dog, I still look good. | ||
| Don't get confused, motherfucker. | ||
| For 60, I still look fucking good. | ||
| You've had a hard 60, son. | ||
| I should have looked like Ozzy Osbourne right now. | ||
| You've had a rough 60. I mean, you've had 60. You put some fucking miles on your wheels. | ||
| It was 60. I didn't know what my life was about until I read that book. | ||
| And then I read it, and I was like, I gotta take a breather. | ||
| Yeah, you've had an extraordinary life, my friend. | ||
| And that's why when I moved to Jersey, I said, you know what, man, it's time for me just to chill for a while. | ||
| I wanted to get out of the train of thought I had of comedy. | ||
| That old mentality I had, I wanted to give that a breathe. | ||
| I couldn't get away from it. | ||
| I couldn't get away from it. | ||
| So for once, I wanted to start fresh, man. | ||
| I looked at it, what I needed to do. | ||
| Everybody kept asking me, did you quit comedy? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, I'm just taking a fucking breather. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with taking a breather. | ||
| Just taking a fucking extended breather. | ||
| I want to know what the fuck happened the last 40 years. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| I started this journey in 1983, and all of a sudden, 2020, I'm at the store with a bunch of fucking killers. | ||
| I wasn't pre-programmed for this. | ||
| I was pre-programmed to be in jail by now. | ||
| What am I doing at the store with a bunch of fucking killers doing comedy? | ||
| And they're talking to me, and we're laughing. | ||
| It's not like I didn't earn it. | ||
| It's not like my mother owned the fucking joint, and she just gave me a spot there. | ||
| We earned those things. | ||
| You know, what the fuck happened? | ||
| I was a guy that was in prison. | ||
| They told me, it's not going to work out for you. | ||
| And here we are today. | ||
| So I had to go process this shit. | ||
| You know, I had to go process a lot of fucking things. | ||
| You know, when I was a kid and my mother died, I had to lie to myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh shit. | |
| Sorry, I got no glasses. | ||
| You know, when I was a kid, I had to lie to myself. | ||
| When my mother died, I had to say she's just leaving for a couple of years. | ||
| That's the only way I could deal with it. | ||
| She's just going away for a couple of years. | ||
| I'll bump into her in a couple of years. | ||
| I'll bump into her in a couple of years. | ||
| When I went back to Jersey, dog, it hit me. | ||
| Like, I lied to myself all those fucking years. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a coping mechanism, right? | ||
| It was a coping mechanism I used just to soothe my fucking soul. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got back to Jersey. | ||
| I went up to the cemetery one day and I go, what the fuck is this? | ||
| She never came back. | ||
| And I was, like, pissed about it. | ||
| Like, retarded. | ||
| Like, she never made a comeback. | ||
| And I'm like, Joey, what the fuck did you do? | ||
| You buried yourself in that shit that you were going to bump into one day on Burger Line Avenue or some shit, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was hard. | ||
| You know, a lot of things. | ||
| It's good to take a break off comedy just to really try to figure out what your actual perspective really is. | ||
| Listen, bro, I was in an environment that I don't thrive in. | ||
| I was in an environment with a lot of fake motherfuckers. | ||
| I was in an environment where I did time. | ||
| I grew up around people who were very dangerous. | ||
| The people I was around in L.A. were more dangerous because I knew where I stand with these other people. | ||
| With these people in L.A., these agents, you don't know where you stand. | ||
| You have no fucking idea. | ||
| Well, you kind of know what they are. | ||
| You know what they are. | ||
| That's that old Mike Tyson expression. | ||
| It's okay to have a snake in the room as long as you keep the lights on. | ||
| You know what they are. | ||
| You just have to know who you are. | ||
| And I think you were coming from this place where you almost felt like you didn't belong. | ||
| I remember when I first met you. | ||
| That was Joey Criminal days. | ||
| It was fun, man. | ||
| Because I remember I met you and I was like, oh, finally, there's someone like people that I used to know. | ||
| You were like the first guy that I ran into like, oh, this is like Joey from the pool hall. | ||
| This is like Joey from the boxing gym. | ||
| You were like the people that I knew from the East Coast, the wild people that were fun. | ||
| And people didn't like you. | ||
| People were scared of you. | ||
| I was like, that guy's great. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of funny over the years, because I had arguments with agents about you. | ||
| They're like, he doesn't have any talent. | ||
| I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| I'm like, you're out of your mind. | ||
| I go, I know what comedy is and he makes me laugh harder than anybody I've ever seen. | ||
| So he's wild and crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you get. | ||
| That's the kind of person that does that kind of comedy, stupid. | ||
| You don't even know what you sell. | ||
| You're out here selling comedy. | ||
| You don't even know how it's created. | ||
| It's created by wild people. | ||
| Whether it's wild intellectually, wild physically, just a different group of people that are going to create something that's going to make you laugh that hard. | ||
| You know, man, it was fucking crazy those first couple of years there and how people would look at me. | ||
| I remember one day an agent stole a check from me and I said, I'm going to come down and get it. | ||
| When I got there, the door was shut and he stuck the check on the fucking wall and said, don't come in here. | ||
| And then 10 years later, he signed me again. | ||
| I bumped into him at a vet place and we were talking. | ||
| He goes, I'll come back. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I had a hard time there. | ||
| Well, you were raw, man. | ||
| You were a raw dude. | ||
| Gotta be. | ||
| You reminded me a lot of my friend Johnny. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because Johnny was like you. | ||
| He was like a brilliant guy that struggled with substances. | ||
| Brilliant guy. | ||
| Johnny was like one of the smartest people I'd ever met. | ||
| He was a pool hustler. | ||
| And so I didn't know anybody like that. | ||
| Just a dangerous dude. | ||
| Just always doing wild shit. | ||
| I didn't know anybody like that over here until I met you. | ||
| And then I met you. | ||
| I was like, oh, alright. | ||
| Because in comedy, we were getting a lot of people that were essentially auditioning for sitcoms. | ||
| What they wanted to do was figure out a way to transfer what they're doing on stage into a lucrative sitcom. | ||
| Everybody wanted that. | ||
| That was the golden ring. | ||
| Everybody wanted the sitcom. | ||
| Everybody wanted a development deal. | ||
| So a lot of guys really only had 10-15 minutes, and that 15 minutes was just them sort of like setting up their life for a sitcom. | ||
| It was almost like they told you where they were from. | ||
| You know, I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and this and that. | ||
| And they were basically like doing an audition for a sitcom on stage. | ||
| We weren't doing that. | ||
| We were doing a different thing. | ||
| We were doing a different thing. | ||
| We were doing what our idols were doing. | ||
| We were doing what Pryor did. | ||
| We were doing what Kinison did. | ||
| We were trying to find our path with what we think I didn't appreciate that when people said you have to present the set on stage that the agents could see a network TV show. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I'm going to tell you something else, too. | ||
| When I get this residency or when I start kicking with gas with comedy again, not podcasting no more. | ||
| How come? | ||
| Never again. | ||
| I'm ending this career as a stand-up. | ||
| But you can do both. | ||
| I don't want to do both. | ||
| You don't like it. | ||
| I want to end this career as a fucking stand-up. | ||
| But you are a stand-up. | ||
| No. | ||
| All this other shit. | ||
| No podcast. | ||
| Ads and all this shit. | ||
| No ads. | ||
| Let's do the last two years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking stand-up, motherfuckers. | ||
| That's why I want to do the residency. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Because I'm ready just to do stand-up. | ||
| My phone ain't ringing for acting. | ||
| Listen, just come here and do a podcast. | ||
| My phone. | ||
| Any time you get a podcast, it's... | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, always. | ||
| And if you want to stay here and do a residency here, you could do that, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| I was going to talk to you about it. | ||
| Maybe come once a month. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Bro, do that little boy room. | ||
| That room is magic. | ||
| I heard it's fucking tremendous. | ||
| It's magic. | ||
| Jim Florentine loves that room. | ||
| That room's magic. | ||
| It's magic. | ||
| It's a magic little room. | ||
| And that room tells you what's real and what sucks. | ||
| Like the OR. Yeah, just like the OR. Yeah, like the OR. It's like a little bit of the OR and a little bit of the belly room. | ||
| It's like the belly room had sex with the OR and it created the little boy. | ||
| And then the main room had sex with the OR and created the big boy or fat man. | ||
| The big room is like a combination of the main room and the OR. It's just intimate enough, but also big enough. | ||
| Big laughs. | ||
| What's the main room set? | ||
|
unidentified
|
250. 110. That's it? | |
| That's it. | ||
| That's why it's fucking tremendous. | ||
| Oh, it's so good, dude. | ||
| It's a little party. | ||
| A greedy motherfucker would have made that room 400 seats. | ||
| The whole setup from the very beginning of this club was never to make money. | ||
| If I can break even, I'm happy. | ||
| I want to make the best environment for developing stand-up comedy. | ||
| For both professionals and for amateurs. | ||
| And the best place for people to see it. | ||
| Where they can see, like, world-class people coming in every weekend. | ||
| Like, this weekend is Joe DeRosa. | ||
| He's there tonight and tomorrow. | ||
| We, you know, we've had Louis CK is the one that helped me design the place. | ||
| Dave Chappelle came by the first week. | ||
| We have Shane Gillis there all the time. | ||
| Ron White's there all the time. | ||
| Bryan Simpson's there all the time. | ||
| It's just killer after killer after killer. | ||
| Tony's there every Monday night. | ||
| We got it cooking exactly at the right temperature. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| The environment is super positive. | ||
| Everybody's doing really well. | ||
| All the door people are doing really well. | ||
| Everybody's killing it. | ||
| Now, who's in the main room tonight? | ||
| Tonight's Joe DeRosa. | ||
| And who's in the little room? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| But you could do a set, 100%. | ||
| They already said, if you want to do a set, come on down. | ||
| Yeah, let's see what's going on. | ||
| Yeah, because like a bunch of people stop by. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe will do a set. | ||
| He'll stop by and do sets. | ||
| People are dropping in all the time. | ||
| Like Giannis Pompas came up last night. | ||
| Pauly Shore was there on Tuesday night. | ||
| Pauly's killing it! | ||
| Paulie's killing it. | ||
| Paulie's loose and silly and having fun now. | ||
| He's having fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's having a lot of fun. | |
| And he was on the stage with the little boy and he came off stage and I grabbed him and I go, dude, that is as funny as I've seen you in a decade. | ||
| I go, that was so good. | ||
| And he was like, you see me at the store and I'm tense there. | ||
| He goes, it's just like, because it was such a part of my childhood and they kind of pushed him out. | ||
| Did you see this little thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, he's playing Richard Simmons, right? | ||
| Yeah, so they announced that he's going to be in a full movie, but they also put out at the same time this little short, which is interesting. | ||
| It's only a minute long. | ||
| Paul, he's a different dude now. | ||
| It's cool to see. | ||
| He's a sweet guy. | ||
| He's fun to be around. | ||
| He is a sweet guy. | ||
| I check in with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your weight doesn't matter. | |
| If you like yourself, you're gonna be fine. | ||
| But I've been where you are right now. | ||
| This came from a meme online. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's it for this. | |
| Wow! | ||
| So it's gonna be a real movie. | ||
| He does look like him. | ||
| He looks a lot like him. | ||
| Yeah, he does look like him. | ||
| And Paulie can fucking act. | ||
| Paul can act. | ||
| I know he's done, like, the silly movies, like Encino Man and shit, but you give him an opportunity to do something like that, a lot of comics can act. | ||
| Bro, he's been around this game. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| 50 fucking years. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| He has it all covered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He saw him coming. | ||
| He's seen what happened to him. | ||
| It's also he's evolved as a person. | ||
| He's like a fun person to be around now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's very cool. | |
| Very cool. | ||
| And he's really comfortable at the club. | ||
| He's been at the club a ton of times. | ||
| Did a weekend there recently, and he was just there Tuesday. | ||
| He was there Wednesday. | ||
| Doing the little room and the big room. | ||
| He's having a good time, man. | ||
| He's like loose now. | ||
| Like, he did Kill Tony on Monday night. | ||
| He sang a song. | ||
| He sang Bad to the Bone. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Were you there? | ||
| Yeah, I was there. | ||
| I brought Matt Lichtenberg down to Kill Tony so I could check it out. | ||
| I went to dinner and then I took him to the club. | ||
| Monday Night Special there. | ||
| That's a special show, man. | ||
| Harlan Williams was on fire. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Harlan was there last weekend and he was there for Kill Tony on Monday. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's just the vibe of the club is so fun. | ||
| I'm really proud of Tony and Red Band for what they did. | ||
| Dude, they sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. | ||
| They sold out the HEB Center here two nights in a row. | ||
| They sold out big arenas. | ||
| They sell out in Los Angeles. | ||
| They sold out a 7,000 seat theater in an hour. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They're killing it. | ||
| They're killing it. | ||
| And that show is different every night. | ||
| Every night. | ||
| You can go to two shows in a row. | ||
| You're not gonna see the same show. | ||
| It's a totally different show. | ||
| So, like, you know, they can come into a town and do three, four nights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy. | |
| That's really crazy. | ||
| The fucking garden. | ||
| Yeah, the garden. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Two nights in a fucking row. | ||
| I still remember Tony telling me this ten years ago, eight years ago, that this is what he wanted to do. | ||
| So, kudos to him, brother. | ||
| He is the best. | ||
| At hosting that kind of a show, nobody better. | ||
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| He's the best ever at it. | ||
| He's so quick and he's such a mean little fuck. | ||
| He's a mean little fuck. | ||
| He's a mean little fuck, but he's also super supportive if you're good. | ||
| And it's a great platform for stand-up because there's no woke bullshit. | ||
| There's no ideology. | ||
| There's no fucking playing and pandering. | ||
| You got one minute. | ||
| You got one minute. | ||
| One minute. | ||
| And the currency is funny. | ||
| Can you be funny in a minute? | ||
| It doesn't matter if you're white or you're black or you're trans or you're gay or you're straight or you're... | ||
| No one gives a fuck. | ||
| Are you funny? | ||
| You have one minute. | ||
| And they take everybody, anybody out of that fucking hat. | ||
| You can't bribe your way into that hat. | ||
| People have tried. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen people say, listen, could you get my banker once to come? | ||
| Tony's like, nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I don't care who's asking me. | ||
| Donald Trump could ask him. | ||
| They're like, nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's a holy bucket. | ||
| That bucket is 100% randos. | ||
| Dig in there. | ||
| Bob Wilson! | ||
| And Bob Wilson comes out, and he had no idea he's coming out. | ||
| And you see those people, and they do one minute, and the band's there, and the audience is there, and some of them, it's their first time ever doing stand-up. | ||
| Could you do a minute? | ||
| No. | ||
| Could I? Yeah, I could, but I have never. | ||
| We did three to get into the store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had to do three, then ten, then she made me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was three. | ||
| How long did it take for you to get in? | ||
| Dog, I broke the record. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| How long? | ||
| I got to LA January 29th of 1997 and I was a regular February 19th, 1997. Wow! | ||
| That's pretty quick. | ||
| That's quick. | ||
| I didn't have to lick nobody's balls or nothing. | ||
| Stan Hope? | ||
| I'm gonna tell you who referred me. | ||
| Stan Hope, Mencia, and somebody else. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| And Scott called me and he goes, I've heard good things about you. | ||
| I'm gonna showcase you, but it's gonna be in about six months. | ||
| And knowing me and my criminal, I go, six months? | ||
| I don't even know if I'm gonna make this six months. | ||
| And he goes, okay, you got a showcase. | ||
| We'll let you know when. | ||
| Two weeks later, he called me. | ||
| And he goes, I got a three-minute spot that opened up. | ||
| You want to come down tonight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Came down there, was petrified of Mitzi. | ||
| She watched you? | ||
| First set? | ||
| First set. | ||
| Watched me. | ||
| Came off, shook her hand. | ||
| Thank you for the opportunity. | ||
| I thought I was going to pass out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I thought I was going to pass out. | ||
| Because in my mind, it was this. | ||
| I was going back to being a criminal. | ||
| Well, what she liked about guys like you, though, is that you were raw. | ||
| She liked raw people with talent. | ||
| That was her favorite thing. | ||
| She didn't like people when they had already made it. | ||
| She told Seinfeld, this place is not for you. | ||
| Seinfeld was too big already. | ||
| She's like, nah, this place is not for you. | ||
| She's a wild lady, man, in that regard. | ||
| And that's what I do. | ||
| Whenever I miss her, I think about it, I call Paulie. | ||
| Whenever I think of Mitzi, I call Paul. | ||
| I'm thinking about your mom, brother. | ||
| It's fun being in the bar downstairs that's named after his mom. | ||
| So we're in Mitzi's and there's a photo of Mitzi just like that. | ||
| Like that painting that we have in the wall in here. | ||
| She saved my life, brother. | ||
| She saved a lot of my lives. | ||
| I had no chance of being an adult. | ||
| No chance of ever doing anything in my life. | ||
| No chance until I walked into that fucking comedy club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she made me a regular. | ||
| And when I went back the next week and I had 10 minutes, And she was like, you're a regular calling Monday for spots? | ||
| Dog, I didn't know what to do. | ||
| But I knew that if I kept my nose clean, but I knew I'd only have like a year or two before something happens. | ||
| I hit somebody with a chair, or I steal something. | ||
| That was my M.O. But her putting me in there, Made me go, okay, you know. | ||
| And it was me, Holtzman, you. | ||
| You know, we had some fucking savages there in the beginning. | ||
| But if you really think about my life, I got all the great things out of my life from the Comedy Store. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| My daughter. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Our friendship. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| What didn't I get from the Comedy Store? | ||
| We had a family there. | ||
| I got a life, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a very special place for all of us. | ||
| You know, I look at the pictures at night because they post them on Facebook of... | ||
| The club, the mothership from the night before, when they show the... | ||
| Not when they show you fucking momos on stage, but when they show the staff working there. | ||
| When I see that young staff, I remember the great times we had on New Year's Eve and Christmas, and it was a family. | ||
| Gave a fuck about a Christmas tree when you're a regular at the store. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And now they close on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. | ||
| But I still remember having a spot on Christmas Day and going, people like, what type of animal are you? | ||
| Fuck, it's a comedy store. | ||
| We both did spots on Christmas Day. | ||
| I did them. | ||
| Before I had a family, I always did spots on Christmas Day. | ||
| Dog, I ate a bag of mushrooms once on Thanksgiving and went up there and the fucking purple lights had me. | ||
| I don't know how many sets I did in the original room. | ||
| But now looking at it, If it wasn't for Mitzi, sure, because I would have left in six months. | ||
| And my job was, my goal at that time was if I fail in L.A., I'm driving back, I'm going to make a pit stop, I'm going to stab a few people in Colorado, and then I'm going back to New York to hide. | ||
| That was my plan. | ||
| That was my plan if failure would have came in L.A. and I would have got thrown out of there. | ||
| Well, I remember when you cracked the code. | ||
| And you're a guy that I've always said, you were the funniest guy in the parking lot. | ||
| And there was something that was missing in translation between you being the funny guy in the parking lot and you being the guy on stage. | ||
| And you just figured it out one day. | ||
| It's like one day he figured it out. | ||
| It was very interesting. | ||
| Becoming yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Because you were like trying to do jokes before. | ||
| You were like trying to do stand-up the way stand-ups do jokes. | ||
| And something happened. | ||
| I think it was like a certain level of I don't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| Like where too many agents had lied to you. | ||
| Too many auditions had fell through. | ||
| Too many this. | ||
| Too many that. | ||
| And you're like, what am I trying to make these people happy for? | ||
| And you just were yourself on stage. | ||
| Like you'd almost like given up hope Of the bullshit golden ring. | ||
| You know, I never understood writing shit that had nothing to do with you. | ||
| You gotta write shit that's close to your fucking heart and your balls. | ||
| I always wanted to be fucking somebody else sometimes. | ||
| I wish I wasn't dirty. | ||
| I wish I was a better joke writer. | ||
| I wish so many things. | ||
| But what I was doing, a lot of those guys that are straight, traditional stand-up, wish they were doing. | ||
| That guy that we keep forgetting with the dreadlocks, AJ... Jamal. | ||
| AJ Jamal. | ||
| AJ Jamal. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Let's look him up. | ||
| Let's see where he's at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That dude was fun. | ||
| AJ Jamal. | ||
| And I remember that dude, he used to bother you because he was so... | ||
| There he is. | ||
| He used to bother you that he was so funny clean. | ||
| Wow, he's only got 1,400 followers. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| What was his last post? | ||
| Funny fucking dude, though. | ||
| And great guy. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean his last post on Instagram. | ||
| And great fucking guy. | ||
| That's not really his? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| This was over two years ago. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Over two years ago. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| I didn't like him. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| You were just, it bothered you that he was so clean. | ||
| That you weren't clean and made you self-conscious. | ||
| I remember you used to tell me about that. | ||
| I hated going on after that guy. | ||
| He would bury me. | ||
| He would kill and he'd be clean. | ||
| He would bury me. | ||
| Him and Dom Herrera made a habit of burying me. | ||
| And Dom made a habit of rubbing it in my face afterwards. | ||
| Dom was brutal to me in those days. | ||
| Yeah, but he was just being dumb. | ||
| Yeah, no, he was being a fucking great guy. | ||
| Yeah, he was being funny. | ||
| Not that I didn't like it. | ||
| I just thought that, how the fuck is somebody this clean and... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Technical. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So fucking good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sharp. | |
| Very technical. | ||
| He was like, if it was jujitsu, you gotta hold under the elbow, he would be right there with that elbow. | ||
| Not an inch up, not an inch down. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He just knew his boundaries. | ||
| And that's what I always wanted to be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I became, after a while, it was what I became in that original room. | ||
| Yeah, you became yourself. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| I remember the day, Joey. | ||
| I remember one night where you were on stage murdering. | ||
| And I was in the back with everybody over by the stairs. | ||
| And then someone goes, Joey is murdering. | ||
| And we went into the back. | ||
| And you were on stage. | ||
| You were just going off. | ||
| Some cocaine story. | ||
| You were going off. | ||
| And people were dying. | ||
| No, you had to. | ||
| They couldn't believe what you were saying. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| Dog, I remember one night I was on a roll. | ||
| You were back there with a bunch of people. | ||
| And I said that I used to date a girl and her pussy looked like Eddie Munster's teddy bear, Wolfie. | ||
| Like, when that shit started coming out of me was when I was so fucking fed up with the... | ||
| The fucking, just the bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And number one on stage, you gotta be yourself. | ||
| We were talking about him earlier. | ||
| He was never really a traditional stand-up. | ||
| He did all this crazy stuff in his act, and that's Paul Mooney. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, where Bill Hicks, I love Bill Hicks, Bill Hicks had that stand-up-y, but he also threw something in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it just wasn't line... | ||
| Social commentary. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't set up punchline. | ||
| So I wanted to be somewhere in between that. | ||
| That's where I ended up at. | ||
| I didn't really know... | ||
| I'm not a good writer, but I have energy. | ||
| Energy and enthusiasm will kick your fucking ass. | ||
| Also, you have good points. | ||
| You know how to call bullshit on something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what people enjoy. | ||
| You're calling bullshit on something, and you got a lot of energy. | ||
| So the energy and the enthusiasm, that fucking, that wins, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I always told you, I don't like going out there and going out with the towel and going like, hi, how you guys doing? | ||
| I like to come out and hit them hard just so they know. | ||
| And you said it best. | ||
| I like bringing Joe with me because he goes out there and he fucking cleans the room out of all the bad spirits. | ||
| And that's how you did it with your fingers that day. | ||
| You go, he just cleans the rooms out. | ||
| He goes up there and he takes it to the hoop the first five minutes. | ||
| It either works or it doesn't work. | ||
| It either works or it doesn't work. | ||
| All boundaries get destroyed when you're on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Destroyed in the first five minutes because why fuck around with them? | |
| No Nicky Nacky. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Lenny Clark on Danger Feels Special. | ||
| He came out throwing heat. | ||
| Don't come out dilly-dallying in my fucking world. | ||
| Come out and fucking... | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| You got 10 minutes. | ||
| I love to slot in the main room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in reality, it's just you on top of a guy and you're... | ||
| Who's fighting him all night? | ||
| Strickland? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like when he went off on fucking Adesanya. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're just fucking hitting them with jokes and they can't take it. | ||
| And then you step back and you go, oh my God, look what I've done. | ||
| They're fucking laying there like bodies. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're laying there. | ||
| That's... | ||
| The greatest. | ||
| That's better than any dollar you can make. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's better than any ball lick you can make. | ||
| That's better than anything. | ||
| It's better than everything. | ||
| It's to seeing bodies laid down going, oh, you gotta stop. | ||
| You gotta stop. | ||
| And then I learned how to stop. | ||
| I let them breathe. | ||
| And then I paced my material like that. | ||
| I wanted to pace my material where it's stop and go. | ||
| Take them, take them, take them. | ||
| Give them a break. | ||
| Give them a break. | ||
| And then bring them back up again. | ||
| Bring them back up again. | ||
| And then leave their... | ||
| Rollercoaster. | ||
| Fucking, you know, that's stand-up, brother. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Alright, next time you're here, there'll be an announcement. | ||
| That announcement will be a residency in Philly. | ||
| We're gonna make it happen. | ||
| No, no, a residency at... | ||
| The Comedy Mothership. | ||
| We'll do that 100%. | ||
| That's what I really want to do. | ||
| Anytime you want. | ||
| Because I think I need a constant week around you guys. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But you don't open Monday. | ||
| We're open every day of the week. | ||
| But Monday's no stand-up. | ||
| Open mic night. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you can go up. | ||
| 100% you can go up. | ||
| You can go up every night of the week. | ||
| Thank you for taking Cammie with the Stemps. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You're the best. | ||
| I feel better in shit already. | ||
| Always great to see you. | ||
| And tomorrow night, we're all doing, by the time this is out, we're doing Fight Companion. | ||
| I'll announce it right now. | ||
| Joey Diaz is on the next Fight Companion. | ||
| So it'll be Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo, Brendan Schaub, and me. | ||
| Let's fucking go! | ||
| Let's fucking go! | ||
| You already ratted it out because somebody already hit me this week. | ||
| I didn't rat it out. | ||
| Shaw might have ratted it out. | ||
| Somebody else might have put it up. | ||
| But that's us. | ||
| Tomorrow night. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Love you. |
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