May 10, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:17:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hey, we're rolling. | ||
| Hi, ladies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi! | |
| What's happening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up? | |
| Good to see you. | ||
| Class of zero, what number were you guys of Tony, Kill Tony? | ||
| You guys are class of one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Class of zero, one. | |
| We were OGs, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the real OGs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't it wild to see what it's become now? | ||
| I mean, it's literally like the number one live comedy show ever. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| We started so long ago. | ||
| That's where we met, her and I. Yeah, we met. | ||
| We've been working together since. | ||
| Besties. | ||
| Yeah, so. | ||
| I've said it before, but I'll say it again. | ||
| Tony's the greatest host of any comedy show ever. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| He's the best. | ||
| He does really good. | ||
| Nobody's better off the cuff. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| Off the cuff. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| He's so fast. | ||
| He's so quick. | ||
| And, you know, we owe a lot to him, I feel like, because he really helped us get our start. | ||
| We learned a lot from being on that show. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Being on Kill Tony when we started, we were like... | ||
| Babies. | ||
| That's where we met you. | ||
| That's where we met... | ||
| I opened for Ralphie Mae because of that. | ||
| I think Bobby Lee... | ||
|
unidentified
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Well, yeah, you opened up for me, too, in Florida. | |
| When that started, I remember thinking, what a fun thing he's doing. | ||
| You know, it's kind of fun. | ||
| You just go do a minute of stand-up. | ||
| And it's a nice way for comics to get a chance to, like, sort of think about comedy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, like, why is this guy funny? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| Like, sometimes people are just funny, and it's, like, weird. | ||
| Like, weird manner, like Theo Vaughn, right? | ||
| Try putting that down. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Put that down on paper. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| You could never. | ||
| My cousin got bit by a gay guy. | ||
| So, we'll see. | ||
| Like, write that down. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's true. | |
| Like, if somebody wrote jokes for you, you hired them, like, I'm a really good performer, but I suck at writing jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You write some jokes for me, like, bro, I got you. | ||
| Theo Vaughn is like how Trader Joe's makes snacks. | ||
| How does Trader Joe's work? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like popcorn, but it's also like a chicken salad. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| But it works. | ||
| And you're like, I love this. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I didn't know about Trader Joe's snacks. | ||
| Trader Joe's, they say that the food at Trader Joe's seems like Trader Joe's was made by an alien who didn't really fully understand grocery stores. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh. | |
| All the food is like really weird. | ||
| It's just like weird combinations. | ||
| Yeah, no, they have like this. | ||
| It's like sweet, sour, salty, something popcorn. | ||
| It's four different experiences. | ||
| They gotta get it streamlined. | ||
| It's made by ChapGPT, for sure. | ||
| Either savory or sweet. | ||
| Don't mix it all up like that. | ||
| Yeah, what are you trying to do to people? | ||
| TJ's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I try to eat healthy for the most part, but when we were in New York this past weekend, we went to the Bronx. | ||
| I saw that sandwich. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| We ate this place G&R Deli. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| I saw that sandwich. | ||
| I sent that sandwich to my mom and she called me. | ||
| She said, the sandwich that Joe Rogan just ate looked amazing. | ||
| We gotta go. | ||
| We drove to the Bronx just to go to that place. | ||
| We went like an hour out of our way because we were staying in Manhattan and then we had to drive to the Bronx and then go from the Bronx to the fights that were in Newark. | ||
| So we went like, just to go to that sandwich shop. | ||
| Just because I saw it on Instagram. | ||
| Yeah, the picture was one of the best I've ever seen. | ||
| It was pretty amazing. | ||
| I got a spill here, young Jamie. | ||
| I got it, I got it. | ||
| He's quick. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Yeah, I love to take a... | ||
| I'll take a detour for food. | ||
| I did something really fat the other day. | ||
| Tell us. | ||
| You did something fat? | ||
| Can we say fat? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, you can. | |
| She means pH fat. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh-oh. | |
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Sounds like we're in trouble. | ||
| Did you see that guy got in trouble for just saying something be Lizzo-sized? | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Didn't that happen, Jamie? | ||
| Didn't some sportscaster get in trouble? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
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Terrible. | |
| Basketball. | ||
| Terrible for a few things recently. | ||
|
unidentified
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Terrible. | |
| I've never made one of those. | ||
| Every now and then you look like a hero. | ||
| It's funny when you miss. | ||
| Well, it's different because you can't say Kobe now. | ||
| It just makes everyone sad and that changes the shot. | ||
| When I grew up in Boston, everybody would say Larry Bird. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's such a longer name to say. | ||
| Yeah, but it was like Larry Bird was the fucking man in 1980. Right. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's sickening. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Totally not good for you. | ||
| Let's just get that out of the way. | ||
| I'll do it again once a week for the rest of my life. | ||
| I think it's just one of those things. | ||
| You really shouldn't eat like that every day because you won't be able to stop. | ||
| First of all, you'll be a full-on addict and you'll be consuming 40 or 50 times more calories than you actually need. | ||
| Do you always give yourself a break or do you ever go super strict and go, like, no snacks, nothing good? | ||
| Yeah, tell us your regimen. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| There's no super strict. | ||
| Everything in moderation. | ||
| Yeah, I did one month. | ||
| I did the carnivore diet, like, very strict for one month to see what it was like. | ||
| I lost a lot of fat, but it was boring. | ||
| I like food. | ||
| And a lot of meat like that. | ||
| I like these people. | ||
| I like their food, their culture. | ||
| Yeah, it's an experience. | ||
|
unidentified
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I like food. | |
| Yeah, I like Vietnamese food. | ||
| I like Thai food. | ||
| I like food. | ||
| Food's the best. | ||
| It's almost the best reason to travel. | ||
| Is to try the different foods. | ||
| It's a great reason to travel. | ||
| Travel is awesome, but travel and then eating people's food. | ||
| Eating Thai food in Thailand was fucking amazing. | ||
| We gotta go. | ||
| Thailand's awesome. | ||
| We wanna go. | ||
| You guys should go and do some fucking Muay Thai. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know you can get into that. | ||
| You're a mean girl. | ||
| Oh no, I stopped. | ||
| You can fuck a chick up. | ||
| I got a concussion and I stopped. | ||
|
unidentified
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I got scared. | |
| She's in her soft girl era. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| Don't do concussions. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's a soft girl now, Joe. | ||
| Did you see Mark Zuckerberg won a gold medal in a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competition? | ||
| No. | ||
| Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking savage. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| This dude has been training jujitsu. | ||
| This is what he did. | ||
| He wore a COVID mask and he fucking put a hat on and he hid. | ||
| No. | ||
| And he used an alias. | ||
| And then imagine you're right about to compete and like maybe your first competition. | ||
| Well, just give it a try. | ||
| I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? | ||
| Where's he going to happen to get strangled by a super nerd? | ||
| Mark Zuckerberg. | ||
| So embarrassing. | ||
| I'm very proud of him. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's wild. | |
| I think it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing that he did that. | ||
| A few people have done that. | ||
| Mario Lopez did that. | ||
|
unidentified
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What's his name? | |
| Tom Bain. | ||
| Tom Hardy. | ||
| Tom Hardy did that a couple times. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hot? | |
| Undeniable. | ||
| You see him in Warrior? | ||
| Hot as fuck. | ||
| He could be listening to this, I just realized that. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| Tom Hardy? | ||
| I'm not gonna do that, but you know what I mean. | ||
| Tom Hardy, you can DM me. | ||
| You got the green light. | ||
| I said yes. | ||
| DM me, mommy. | ||
| He was awesome in Warrior. | ||
|
unidentified
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I bought it. | |
| I bought it hook, line, and sinker. | ||
| There's certain dudes that become different people. | ||
| He was a different person in that Venom movie. | ||
| It's like you believed he was that clumsy character in the Venom movie that got infected by an alien. | ||
| Just to pull that off, you know how hard it is to pull off? | ||
| You're doing a movie with CGI. There's a CGI alien that comes out of you, a giant spider creature. | ||
| It's a different place you have to go in your mind at that point. | ||
| Actually pulled it off. | ||
| And he does it, yeah. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| See, he's got, look at that, gold medal. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Dude's fucking jacked. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
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Strangling fools. | |
| There's a blue belt. | ||
| We're both just saying wow in unison. | ||
| I'm going to tell you something about blue belts, too. | ||
| That's like, by the time you get to blue belt, you're dealing with people that know how to submit people. | ||
| It's just whether or not they can keep it together smoothly. | ||
| And there's various levels of that. | ||
| And when you get to tournaments, you get, like, a lot of the levels are like, the guys really should be a purple belt. | ||
| They're like, they're really purple belt level. | ||
| Some instructors are stingy. | ||
| So for him to win blue belt, it's very possible he had real skilled opposition. | ||
| Not like black belt opposition, but they know how to do shit. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Look at Zuckerberg. | ||
| Strangling bitches. | ||
| Actually, that's pretty hot. | ||
| Zuckerberg, if you're listening. | ||
| My DMs are open. | ||
| He knows your DMs are open. | ||
| You can just fucking read them. | ||
| He's in them. | ||
| He doesn't even need the FBI. He already heard us. | ||
| He already heard us. | ||
| And this hasn't aired. | ||
| Your fucking phone is lighting up. | ||
| Every time his name gets mentioned, it goes into a file. | ||
| I'm super... | ||
| I think that's amazing. | ||
| I love when people just... | ||
| He doesn't have to do anything. | ||
| He's one of the richest people on earth. | ||
| He just takes a chance and tries to get good at this thing and then goes and competes in this thing. | ||
| We should all celebrate that. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| But that's probably why he's one of the richest guys on earth because he just goes for it. | ||
| Commits. | ||
| He's focused. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's streamlined. | |
| You should be like an Instagram motivational speaker. | ||
|
unidentified
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I will. | |
| I feel like what you just said right there will stir nations. | ||
| He just goes for us. | ||
| He commits. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| You just got to be that kind of person. | ||
| Some people, that's their big problem. | ||
| They don't know what to go for. | ||
| So they kind of get stalled in the parking lot. | ||
| Like, which direction? | ||
| Where do I go? | ||
| Because they don't have me giving them motivational speeches. | ||
|
unidentified
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You need a little Shanky in your ear. | |
| Okay, I like something besides Shanky in your ear, though. | ||
| I like Shanky in your ear. | ||
| Actually, that's a great name for a podcast. | ||
| Shanky in your ear? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It's good, right? | ||
| It does make me laugh. | ||
| It's got a catchy ring to it. | ||
| Shake it in your ear. | ||
| Yeah, if you ever want to do a fucking solo spinoff, and then we got to do the Kim Kopp. | ||
| Remember when Kiss did a spinoff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kiss had like, I don't know if you remember this. | ||
| Do you remember this? | ||
| They did a show? | ||
| No, Kiss. | ||
| Kiss the band. | ||
| Yeah, I thought they did a reality show. | ||
| I'm sure they did that, too. | ||
|
unidentified
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They did. | |
| But they all released their own albums. | ||
| Like, Peter Criss had his solo album. | ||
| Paul Stanley had his solo album. | ||
| Gene Simmons had his solo album. | ||
| Ace Frehley had his solo album. | ||
| And they all just sort of competed with each other. | ||
|
unidentified
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Do you want us to break up? | |
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| Think about it though. | ||
| If we have Shanky in your ear. | ||
| He's saying Shanky in your ear is Beyonce and I'm Michelle. | ||
| You do your podcast together and then you get another one on the side. | ||
| I have Shank. | ||
| Yeah, she has a podcast. | ||
| It's called Shank. | ||
| It's called Shank. | ||
| Why not Shanky in your ear? | ||
| I guess I could rebrand. | ||
| Actually, Rogan and I had a conversation. | ||
| The podcast is Shanky in your ear now. | ||
| Everyone is. | ||
| People who like it now are mad. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| That's terrible advice. | ||
| It is terrible advice. | ||
| Shanky in your ear. | ||
| It's funny for now. | ||
| I need to start my own podcast. | ||
| Your mom's house, names like that, they just stick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's certain good names, like Call Her Daddy. | ||
| It's a great name. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| We love our name, but it took us a second. | ||
| We had an issue at first. | ||
| We had an issue. | ||
| We had a bad podcast name, and we kept having to say it. | ||
| And we would get embarrassed. | ||
| Bad. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| You say it, Kim. | ||
| Don't look at me. | ||
| I'll say it. | ||
| I'll say it. | ||
| Don't look at me. | ||
| I want to take my ears off. | ||
| Thank you, Kimmy, and Shank. | ||
| Okay, can we move on? | ||
|
unidentified
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That's not that bad. | |
| That's horrible. | ||
|
unidentified
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Jamie, it's not the worst. | |
| Jamie, how bad is it? | ||
| But now it's this bitch. | ||
| You've done a much better job. | ||
| But now it's this bitch, and that's so much better. | ||
| This bitch is perfect. | ||
| Well, that's what we say to each other all the time. | ||
| This bitch. | ||
| I love saying that. | ||
| I love saying this bitch. | ||
| This bitch is one of the most fun things to say. | ||
| Like, this bitch. | ||
| Say it to your friends when they say something nuts. | ||
| It is. | ||
|
unidentified
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It is. | |
| You know how many times I've said that to Tony Hinchcliffe? | ||
| We gotta get Joe our tote bag. | ||
| We got a this bitch tote bag. | ||
| Oh, please get me one. | ||
| And a sweatshirt. | ||
| We gotta get you a this bitch sweatshirt. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'll wear that shit. | |
| I'll wear that shit. | ||
| I will 100% wear that shit. | ||
| We say it all the time. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great thing to say. | ||
| It's a great thing to say. | ||
| Yeah, and we get it on each other's nerves, so we'll be like, this bitch. | ||
| It's kind of amazing, actually, that nobody else had a podcast called This Bitch. | ||
| Wow, you guys caught that. | ||
| That's a good one to catch. | ||
| Well, after we had to say Thickey, Kimmy, and Shank four times. | ||
| It started haunting us like Bloody Mary. | ||
|
unidentified
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We're like talking to people. | |
| We were like, we're not doing one more ounce of work until we rename this podcast. | ||
| And it was bad. | ||
| We were like talking to sponsors and they're like, okay, so what's the name? | ||
| I'm like, um. | ||
| We didn't know exactly what we did here. | ||
| We were like, uh, you can tell them. | ||
| There's been so many embarrassing things that we've done throughout the years. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course. | |
| But that's the beautiful thing is that you can learn on the air. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It gives people a chance to get good at something that wouldn't have got the chance. | ||
| So if you were going to host a show on CBS or NBC, they'll give you a little bit of time. | ||
| Like, you know, Sarah's the next big thing. | ||
| We're going to give her the Sarah Show. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hi, everybody. | |
| Like Ellen, you'd be like Sarah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| They'll give you a chance. | ||
| They might give an upcoming talent. | ||
| But if it doesn't go well at first and they lose sponsors or the ratings dip... | ||
| Cut! | ||
| What else we got? | ||
| Oh god, dancing for dollars. | ||
| Whatever the fuck they can put on there that's gonna make money. | ||
| But with the internet, you can sort of fuck around and find your thing, find your voice. | ||
| And it's amazing because the barrier to entry is pretty fucking small in comparison. | ||
| They have fucking studios. | ||
|
unidentified
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Camera trucks and fucking lighting and trust and this and grips and everything. | |
| It's like every show that gets made by Hollywood, it's so much money just to put it on. | ||
| But you can just do it and get better at it. | ||
| It's amazing! | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Even during the pandemic, I would just be talking by myself in the room. | ||
| I'm like, if I was going to have a threesome by myself because we didn't know if we could hang out with people. | ||
| Well, the good news is Alexa was listening. | ||
| And your boyfriend, Mark. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| My boyfriend, Mark, hears everything. | ||
| So you were talking to yourself with him in the same place? | ||
| I was talking to myself, like, just trying to buy up time on a 45-minute solo pod. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh. | |
| I start talking about cartoon threesomes because I'm straight out of content. | ||
| I'm like, okay, Betty Boop would. | ||
| Felix the Cat. | ||
| I think that's a particularly unique muscle that Bill Burr has and Tim Dillon has and Giannis Pappas has. | ||
| There's people that can just rant about a subject and find themselves solo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hard to do. | ||
| Yeah, no, and you know what? | ||
| It makes your stand-up so much better, and it makes your podcasting better if you could just talk by yourself. | ||
| It makes you feel mentally ill. | ||
|
unidentified
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When you're done, you don't even recognize yourself. | |
| Oh my god, that's so funny. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Yeah, the pandemic was a moment. | ||
| Yeah, Kim lived another life. | ||
| The Zoom shows? | ||
| I left. | ||
| I went to Florida and partied. | ||
| Zoom shows were wild. | ||
| They were like, why didn't anybody tell you not to do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Don't do that. | |
| No, I didn't do one Zoom show. | ||
| I did one Zoom show. | ||
| And I think about it every now and then. | ||
| It haunts me. | ||
| I was just like, why are we doing this? | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| It's too weird. | ||
| If we're all stuck, let's not do stand-up then for a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
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How about that? | |
| I thought it was such junkies, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what the weirdest thing was? | ||
| Late night talk shows where they're doing it from their webcam. | ||
| Oh, and nobody was laughing? | ||
| No one was laughing. | ||
| It's so nuts. | ||
| I was like, why are we watching this? | ||
| It's like someone practicing new jokes. | ||
| It's like if you had a friend who wanted to say, hey, want to run some ideas by you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I would let them. | ||
| You wouldn't do that for your friend? | ||
| If it was my friend. | ||
| Yeah, a comic friend. | ||
| Okay, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They go, listen, this is just an exercise I'm trying to do. | ||
| I wrote these premises down, and I'm going to say, that was what it was like. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It was like, what happens if Walmart closes all their stores in San Francisco? | ||
| And you'd be like, that one sucks. | ||
| We could just go over them. | ||
| My apples taste like Clorox. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's like, stop wiping your groceries with bleach. | |
| This is fucking sad. | ||
| It was a sad time. | ||
| It was a weird time, right? | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I actually really enjoyed... | ||
| Staying home and just me and my sister started baking and we bought a bow and arrow. | ||
| And then she almost killed a bird and we never did it again. | ||
| She just pulled out. | ||
| She's like a prodigy. | ||
| She just pulled it out. | ||
| We just put it together. | ||
| We're figuring it out. | ||
| It's going in the ground for me. | ||
| She shoots it once, almost gets it right in the middle. | ||
| She's like, oh, okay. | ||
| She pulls it out. | ||
| We see a bird. | ||
| As a joke, I go, kill it. | ||
| And she goes... | ||
| And clips its wing. | ||
| And a feather flies off and it keeps going. | ||
| And we both were like, and then we just put it down and we were like, we're going to go inside. | ||
| Maybe you're like a natural born archer. | ||
| Maybe this is like a movie. | ||
| Not either. | ||
| You just give her the bow and they're like, oh my god. | ||
| How long have you done this for? | ||
| Like, that's actually the third time I've ever done it. | ||
| That's what it looked like. | ||
| And then they just go, oh my god, she's a natural. | ||
| It's like Paul Newman in that movie about baseball. | ||
| She's the rain man of archery. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes, imagine. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like, you just have a natural gift. | ||
| Oh yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna fucking do this. | ||
| Like in another life, you were an archer. | ||
| Dude, that's so cool. | ||
| I, during the pandemic, I got a mini trampoline. | ||
| I was just bouncing at my parents' house in their backyard. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa. | |
| That's a lot. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna livestream on the trampoline. | ||
| I'm gonna livestream and hula hoop. | ||
| I'm gonna, just trying to keep myself busy. | ||
| This is very mentally ill to be livestreaming and hula hooping. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whew. | |
| It was tough on everyone. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was a tough time. | |
| It was tough. | ||
| I was in the live watching. | ||
| Tough as a country. | ||
| There were some moments where I didn't know if I was ever going to do stand-up again. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| In the beginning, in the early days, when we hadn't done it for months, I was like, maybe this is it. | ||
| Maybe this is the new world. | ||
| Maybe stand-up is gone. | ||
| Back then, you didn't really know how deadly is this going to be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, everybody was really worried that it was going to get worse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of weirdness going on. | ||
| You know, it's like there was people that had it and nothing happened to them. | ||
| People that had it and got fucked up. | ||
| And you're like, what is this? | ||
| Like, stand-up's not worth it. | ||
| Let's not do stand-up. | ||
| Like, I remember I canceled, like, one of the last shows. | ||
| I think it was, like, the improv. | ||
| We were supposed to do a show at the improv. | ||
| Like, the day the comedy store was shutting down, the day everything was shutting down. | ||
| I was like, maybe we shouldn't do this. | ||
| If we're gonna shut down tomorrow, why are we open tonight? | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Are we in danger? | ||
| If we go out, is this fucking stupid? | ||
| There's something about comedy and comics where they fucking need it. | ||
| They're like, just one last one before we go. | ||
| One last one before we die. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't really feel that way. | ||
| I love stand-up. | ||
| It's my favorite thing in the world to do, but I didn't feel like I was like... | ||
| I did window sets. | ||
| I did window sets. | ||
| At the comedy store in the window. | ||
| Like a little sad dog at a pet shop. | ||
| I looked like a whore in the window. | ||
| People weren't just throwing money at the window. | ||
| It took me a good solid two and a half years to not freak out when someone sneezes. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I'm still sensitive about it. | ||
| Now if someone coughs and sneezes, you're like, eh. | ||
| No, now people still look. | ||
| If someone coughs, the whole room looks up, and that used to not happen. | ||
| But it's not the same look up. | ||
| Like, we're all in danger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was in an elevator with a guy who was coughing in Vegas, in the heart of it. | ||
| This old dude was coughing, and was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm holding my breath on the elevator. | ||
| It's like an exercise. | ||
| I'm like, how long can I hold my breath? | ||
| That's how I used to do school when I was younger. | ||
| Instead of paying attention, I would just watch the clock and try to beat my last record. | ||
| During the pandemic, did you see Jamar? | ||
| Jamar had on like big goggles and he went to the CVS and he got kicked out of the CVS because he had on like snorkeling gear. | ||
| How come you can't do that? | ||
| I think you can do that. | ||
| You know what someone told me? | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Someone told me that you catch respiratory viruses from your eyeballs. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I don't know, but you know what someone told me? | ||
| That their grandpa got stung in the eye by a bee and it cured his diabetes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That sounds like some folklore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| Beekeepers live longer than the average person because they get stung. | ||
| Where did you learn this? | ||
| And if you have Lyme disease, there's people that take bees and they put it into their backs and it helps all their symptoms. | ||
| There's something about bee stings. | ||
| I have heard people getting a positive benefit from bee stings, but I think it was arthritis. | ||
| Don't come for me, Big Pharma. | ||
| They cut my throat because they talked about the bees. | ||
| I keep forgetting that there's a... | ||
| I'm watching this new Netflix thing called... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Chimp Empire? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Yeah, just before I get too far, the viral infection of lungs through the eye. | ||
| Oh, can you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That makes sense. | |
| Pathogens that are known agents of ocular infection such as HSV. Wow. | ||
| What's HSV? Often cause severely impaired vision and blindness. | ||
| Viral infection of the lungs through the eye. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| I'm going to start wearing goggles. | ||
| So in that case, they should have left Jamar alone because he was doing a smart thing. | ||
| He was wearing goggles to avoid fucking evil shit. | ||
| And you can keep your eyes covered. | ||
| I bet there's some sort of paperwork that says that the people with glasses get less viral infections than other people. | ||
| My favorite was the people with a shield. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then you could reach under the shield and say, hey buddy. | |
| It's like a cat hiding under the bed with her tails out there. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| My favorite video was just someone going outside with a mask on in the winter and blowing. | ||
| And it was just all the air you could see with the mask on still going. | ||
| You could see exactly where a breath would go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so stupid. | |
| And it was just everywhere and muffled. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's so weird that we went through that for that long. | ||
| Um, yeah. | ||
| But we learned along the way. | ||
| See, like, nobody knew, like, why doesn't a mask work? | ||
| Like, in the beginning it seems like a smart thing to do, and plus it makes people feel better. | ||
| Like, you're doing the right thing, we're all just trying to be safe. | ||
| But at a certain point in time, most people should have figured out that doesn't really work. | ||
| Like, you can't have a bandana on and stop a fucking deadly fight. | ||
| You can't have a face shield on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've had face shields. | |
| Where's that hair coming from, bitch? | ||
| Face shield. | ||
| You don't even have a filter on your face. | ||
| The face shield was rough. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| And when I saw someone with a face shield, I didn't know what to make of them. | ||
| The first face shield I saw in the wild, I was like, oh shit. | ||
| Reggie Watts had this hilarious getup that we ordered a couple of them. | ||
| These fucking things. | ||
| It was a space helmet. | ||
| And you put a space helmet on, and you cinch it up to your neck, and it's got like filters inside and everything, and it cools you off, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like a fan? | ||
| So there's like a little fan in there. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I'm pretty sure there's a fan. | ||
| Isn't there a fan in there? | ||
| You know, I don't. | ||
| I will say... | ||
| Yeah, there's a fan in there. | ||
| Yeah, here's Reggie. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Masks, you know, like... | |
| Reggie was traveling on airplanes with this. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, I would like that, because I do feel like airplanes make you really sick. | ||
| Well, if there really was an issue, like a real serious issue, here's a question. | ||
| Like if there's some fucking evil alien virus, there's no known cure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you gonna walk around with that on? | |
| No, I'm going outside. | ||
| I'm going... | ||
| Are you gonna just take it in? | ||
| I'm going. | ||
| I'm actually gonna rhinestone mine. | ||
| I get that and I glitter it up. | ||
| Like a hot girl in a motorcycle. | ||
| Yeah, I make it my own. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| It's just like, who knows? | ||
| I was nervous when it happened, but now if something happens again, I won't take it seriously. | ||
| I wonder what's going to happen. | ||
| Did they cry wolf? | ||
| They cried wolf on my ass. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| But nobody knew in the beginning, right? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Everybody always wants to point... | ||
| To like, this person's got it wrong. | ||
| But nobody fucking knew in the beginning. | ||
| In the beginning there was so much guesswork. | ||
| There's always a threat. | ||
| If it's not that, it's climate change. | ||
| If it's not climate change, it's homicides. | ||
| If it's not homicides, it's something else. | ||
| There's always a worry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's never going to be perfect. | ||
| I saw the nicest sticker the other day on a gas station. | ||
| The grossest gas station ever. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| And when I got out, it was just a sticker that said, think of something beautiful. | ||
| And I was like, that's kind of the nicest sticker I've ever seen. | ||
| It's not corny. | ||
| And it is really nice. | ||
| And it kind of helps. | ||
| Isn't that sweet? | ||
| She's in her soft girl era. | ||
| I think the mushrooms are kicking. | ||
| You know what I hate? | ||
| I hate when Kim takes mushrooms because then she won't let me talk shit about guys. | ||
| She'll be like, he's just a man. | ||
| Yeah, she'll call me and I'll be like, well, maybe he went through something. | ||
| And I'll be like, oh, you're on mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah, it stops the gossip for me. | ||
| We're all just people. | ||
| And I go, okay, yeah, that's true. | ||
| It is true. | ||
| Imagine if everybody was on mushrooms and that was just like the prevalent attitude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wouldn't care if you've been wronged. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that if it like as a mass experiment like if everybody just took a minor dose Okay, okay, Jesus Christ get us all in trouble. | ||
| No, it's nothing if there was like legal psilocybin And it was regulated so you knew what it was where there's it's tested safe doses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and Everybody Everybody. | |
| The whole country. | ||
| That would be beautiful. | ||
| You know what happened? | ||
| A bunch of dudes who are criminals would say they were going to take it. | ||
| And then they'd rob everybody while they're on mushrooms. | ||
| It'd be the worst case of love doesn't find a way. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| They convince everyone about world peace, but it's actually just a trick. | ||
| And they just rob everybody blind. | ||
| They break into the stock exchange and fucking clean out all the Bitcoin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| And it's just like the worst trip ever. | ||
| It sounds like a Guy Ritchie movie. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I'm watching. | ||
| Cut that out! | ||
| Keep it! | ||
| Maybe not all at once, but if it was available to everybody and they realized the benefits, especially like of micro doses, just perspective enhancing benefits. | ||
| It helps so many fucking soldiers, so many guys who get back and experience combat. | ||
| They're all fucking racked by all sorts of emotions and thoughts and lost friends and That and MDMA seems to really help those guys. | ||
| I was just going to say, I had a roommate in LA who did MDMA. She did like a weekend camp therapy with only children of childhood trauma. | ||
| And she came back like a different person. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| And she said it literally changed her life. | ||
| Well, they know that it's, you know, whatever it does, that experience of letting go of all your inhibitions and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For some people, it can sort of just reset the way you see the world. | ||
| So for soldiers, for so many people that have experienced violence, that is so important for them. | ||
| Why don't we make that available? | ||
| That could literally help the world and through MAPS. MAPS is doing those studies with soldiers and they're all very promising. | ||
| It's very interesting stuff. | ||
| But they're doing it the right way and they're doing it through politics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| Because, Joe, then we can't gossip. | ||
| They need us to gossip. | ||
| That's how they control us. | ||
| When I did an MDMA, I fell in love with a PE teacher for 24 hours. | ||
| Wow, 24 hours? | ||
| 24 hours. | ||
| I go, this PE teacher's the man for me. | ||
| That's about how long you fell in love with a PE teacher. | ||
| Yeah, when you sober up, you go, maybe it wasn't love. | ||
| What would the world be like if, you know, I mean, think about how many people that are on various medications. | ||
| What would the world be like if they just came up with something and called it, like, Calm, and it was a micro-dose MDMA that everybody took all day long? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So everybody is like almost like they're tripping, almost like they're rolling all day long. | ||
| Everyone's nice to everyone. | ||
| Everyone's lovely. | ||
| Everyone's friendly. | ||
| People are giving you hugs at CVS. They want everyone to do well. | ||
| See? | ||
| I want you to be happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody wants you to do well. | |
| Imagine. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those two things? | |
| I love that. | ||
| We talked about psilocybin and MDMA. They're real. | ||
| We're not making this up. | ||
| We're not fake things that some people have talked about on internet forums, but they're not real. | ||
| They're real. | ||
| And they're illegal. | ||
| That alone should make us go, what the fuck? | ||
| When is that going to change? | ||
| How are they illegal, but Delta, that weird... | ||
| Delta 9? | ||
| Is legal. | ||
| How is that a thing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a weird high. | ||
| I haven't smoked it. | ||
| It's like a neighbor of weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, I'm Weed's neighbor, I'mma tell you what he tells me. | |
| Come on in, Weed will be here soon. | ||
| Will it? | ||
| It doesn't seem like it has any of the ideas that Weed has. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, it just repeats Weed's ideas. | ||
| It doesn't do such a good job of telling them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, one time when he was 13, his stepdaddy was a real piece of shit. | |
| Anyway. | ||
| Oh, Weed makes you uncomfortable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't want to stay for, or Delta. | ||
| It makes you uncomfortable. | ||
| It makes me like, it's just, it's odd. | ||
| It's an odd thing. | ||
| It's weird that they can do that, though. | ||
| It's weird that that's legal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bought weed one time in Harlem from this guy. | ||
| Can I say that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Back then it was probably illegal. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I mean, this was probably three years ago. | ||
| When did it get legal in New York? | ||
| Recently. | ||
| Oh yeah, so it was probably illegal then still. | ||
| You were a criminal. | ||
| Yeah, I was doing bad things. | ||
| A bad bitch. | ||
| But I had always bought from this guy, and right before I recorded my podcast, this was when I was living in New York, and I rolled a joint of it, and I smoked it with me, my co-host, our guest, all the producers, and then while we were smoking it, before the joint was even done, I was like, I'm done. | ||
| And then I was like, we should do a new segment, and we should rap. | ||
| And everybody was like, what? | ||
| And I was like, we should start rap. | ||
| I think it would be a good idea if we started, we became like a rap thing. | ||
| And then I just started going off about rap. | ||
| And I was like, going crazy. | ||
| And then when we got on, I was like, we have to start the show now because we have to do this thing before the idea goes. | ||
| And I started getting crazy. | ||
| And then I'm like breathing all heavy and my heart's racing. | ||
| And one of the producers who was like, Does a lot of drugs. | ||
| Literally said into the mic, I'm the highest I've ever been. | ||
| And then that's when it hit me that I was like, the weed. | ||
| This is not me. | ||
| I realized something happened. | ||
| And we were on air already. | ||
| I was pulling up rap lyrics and dancing to them. | ||
| It's those joints that they sprinkle the THC crystals on. | ||
| I know exactly what it was. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| After I came down and had them almost call an ambulance, because then I freaked out on the podcast. | ||
| I cried. | ||
| We were looking up the symptoms of fentanyl on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Yes, because I was like, it could be fentanyl. | ||
| I've never felt like this on weed. | ||
| And then I looked at the bag and there was a little bit of cocaine in the bag that he sold me the weed in. | ||
| So I had smoked... | ||
| Crack, basically. | ||
| Crack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And did a podcast. | ||
| A full podcast trying to be a rapper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you would have been a rapper if you had done crack. | |
| 100%. | ||
| I think I would also be a rapper if I did crack. | ||
| Rhymeshank. | ||
| That was my nickname for a while. | ||
| Rhymeshank, I like it. | ||
| I was rhyming. | ||
| I was like, no one could be around me. | ||
| Make sure your weed dealer doesn't also deal coke and reuse the baggies. | ||
| Imagine if there's certain drugs that make you want to do certain activities. | ||
| It's like you can just crack and rap or just like, you know, if you ever see some lost kid from the suburbs, all of a sudden he starts rapping. | ||
| Well, yeah, I smoke weed because I'm a comedian. | ||
| I feel like if I would have drank more, I would have been like a mom. | ||
| Someone would have gotten me pregnant already. | ||
| There's a lot of funny comedians that are drunks. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I feel like we all smoke weed, most of us. | ||
| A lot of us. | ||
| It's comedy steroids. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It puts you in a different state of mind. | ||
| That's like what Brody would say. | ||
| He was like, 90% of comedians smoke weed, 90% and the rest, they're not funny. | ||
| I've gotten some calls from people that used to be super straight-laced and then when it became legal in California in 2016, people were like, oh, it's fucking legal. | ||
| Maybe a gummy will help me go to sleep. | ||
| They start asking me questions like, what's the difference between sativa and indica? | ||
| They text you at 420 and you're like, dude. | ||
| You fucking rookie. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| They're smoking out of apples and shit. | ||
| I was that rookie at one point in time, too. | ||
| We all were. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all were. | ||
| In the beginning, you can't believe people don't know about pot. | ||
| When you first started smoking weed, you're like, how is everybody not doing this? | ||
| When I first started smoking weed is when I started dating this white hippie dude that had dreadlocks from Portland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gus? | |
| No. | ||
| This was different. | ||
| And all we would do is get high and eat pies. | ||
| And I think I gained like 15 pounds because I was just smoking weed with him and eating pies. | ||
| Do you guys know the story of Jack Harrow? | ||
| Oh, the... | ||
| The Emperor Wears No Clothes? | ||
| The hemp guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, the hemperer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a famous marijuana activist and researcher, and he wrote this book. | ||
| This guy was like a Goldwater Republican, and then met this lady, and they were smoking a little marijuana together, hanging out, and all of a sudden he gets it. | ||
| And he goes, oh my God, this is good for you. | ||
| This is... | ||
| He has all these revelations about it. | ||
| Then he goes into the history, because he's a very smart guy. | ||
| He says, like, how did this happen? | ||
| And he starts delving into the history of Harry Enslinger and William Randolph Hearst, and they conspired to make it look like there was this new drug that was causing all these... | ||
| Mexican guys... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I got these zen patches. | ||
| I thought that was what the drugs were doing. | ||
| No, I wish. | ||
| They were saying that it was causing Mexicans and black men to rape white women. | ||
| They were writing stories about this. | ||
| And then they came up with the Reefer Madness propaganda films. | ||
| And all this calling it marijuana. | ||
| They tried to Emmett Till weed. | ||
| Yes, that's right. | ||
| Marijuana was like a slang for Mexican wild tobacco. | ||
| It had nothing to do with... | ||
| Sorry to cut you off, but that's why I have, like, one of my black friends told me that the black community likes to call it cannabis, not marijuana, because marijuana is associated with that negativity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with the word marijuana. | ||
| I think it's a cute name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| Marijuana sounds good. | ||
| That's my daughter. | ||
| I'd like to smoke some marijuana. | ||
| But I also like cannabis, too. | ||
| The names aren't important. | ||
| What's important is that people like this Jack Harrow guy, see if you can pull up that book, because it's a very good book. | ||
| Where he talks about, he actually had this video that they had made in like the World War I or World War II. It was hemp for victory. | ||
| And it was telling farmers to grow marijuana. | ||
| Like marijuana, like the plant marijuana is also hemp. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So what marijuana is is a psychoactive female version of a very similar plant. | ||
| So now they've kind of engineered hemp so it doesn't have any THC in it. | ||
| So you can't smoke the hemp. | ||
| But that hemp is what they were fighting. | ||
| They weren't really fighting marijuana. | ||
| They were fighting hemp because it's a superior textile. | ||
| It makes the best, most durable clothes. | ||
| It makes a far superior paper. | ||
| You could use it to build houses with. | ||
| Why doesn't everybody use hemp then? | ||
| It should be. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| But why not the switchover? | ||
| Because there's a lot of moving pieces when it comes to things like this. | ||
| There's a lot of moving pieces that are in gear. | ||
| They're moving. | ||
| So hemp is now legal in the United States, right? | ||
| So then the industry has to kind of build up and you have to have manufacturing if you really want to do it. | ||
| If you really want a higher skilled labor to make hemp clothes that you built here in America, now it's possible. | ||
| But at Onnit, we used to have to buy our hemp from Canada because you couldn't grow it in the United States, even though it was legal because it wasn't psychoactive. | ||
| So we had hemp protein powder. | ||
| And we used to have to get it grown in Canada. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| We couldn't even hire an American farmer to grow it. | ||
| Yeah, I know that hemp is also, like, the clothes are anti, it's like antibacterial, antifungal. | ||
| What? | ||
| I didn't know any of this. | ||
| Yeah, they make hemp geese. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I have a hemp geese. | ||
| Yeah, Datsura. | ||
| It's the shit. | ||
| Does it smell less? | ||
| You can find them online. | ||
| They're just real durable. | ||
| Like, real fucking durable. | ||
| Like, the only thing that's going to break is the threads, and they just re-stitch it. | ||
| Like, that cloth is not ripping. | ||
| It's really fucking strong. | ||
| Like, hemp is a weird thing. | ||
| Like, my friend Todd McCormick had a stalk of hemp on his desk. | ||
| He's like, pick this up. | ||
| I picked it up, and I was like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| It weighs nothing. | ||
| It was hard like oak, but it weighed nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It weighed nothing. | |
| It was like balsa wood. | ||
| I feel like we need to get up on hemp. | ||
| So you can see like a fat hemp stalk. | ||
| So that's the stuff that they turn into clothing. | ||
| So they strip it away, and it's a very difficult process. | ||
| And for the longest time, they were doing it with slave labor. | ||
| And then when the cotton gin came along, the cotton gin made it easier to process cotton. | ||
| And so it wasn't until the decorticator was invented. | ||
| And the decorticator was a new method to effectively process hemp fiber with a machine. | ||
| So they had this machine that's going to strip it down. | ||
| Because otherwise they were using, like, people were pounding on it and shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So this was invented, and then all the Reefer Madness shit came out. | ||
| Because there was a thing, I think it was Popular Science Magazine, see if that, hemp the new billion dollar crop, see if you can find that. | ||
| Then they had the two, and they just chose the cotton because there was no drama behind it. | ||
| It wasn't just, it was no, no, it was the people that, William Randolph Hearst was one of them. | ||
| So William Randolph Hearst owned Hearst Publications. | ||
| Look, Billion dollar crop. | ||
| It was on the cover of the magazine. | ||
| See if you can find the cover, because it's kind of hilarious to see that, that they have this story about this new billion dollar crop, hemp. | ||
| I mean, it's really wild shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| Well, so now can anyone grow hemp? | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Maybe it wasn't on the cover. | ||
| But that's the story right there. | ||
| Hemp, the billion dollar crop. | ||
| God, I swore it was on the cover. | ||
| But I have a fucked up memory sometimes. | ||
| Hemp fiber being delivered from machines ready for baling. | ||
| Piles of pulverized herds The side machine is 77% cellulose. | ||
| So they strip it down with that machine. | ||
| So they immediately were like, okay, now we're going to have this stuff that's lighter, it's better, it's stronger. | ||
| It's really like a fucking alien plant. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| When you pick it up, it feels weird. | ||
| You ever been in a grow room? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How weird do those feel? | ||
| So weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| Why do they feel weird? | ||
| Like there's something else in there with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Hal is in there with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, can I tell you? | ||
| Hello, Kim. | ||
| I have a lot of plants and I feel like that about my plants in general. | ||
| She calls one of them her dog. | ||
| I have this huge Monstera plant and I swear to God it just feels alive and it creeps me out sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not a big fan of house plants. | ||
| You're not? | ||
| No, because I think it's like little prisoners. | ||
| I think they're supposed to be not in this little trapped ecosystem relying on you to play classical music for them. | ||
| Now I'm sad for my plants. | ||
| They don't even get classical music. | ||
| Free them. | ||
| I'm not a fan of corralling up wild things. | ||
| Don't make me feel bad that I have prisoner plants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have to look those babies in the eye every day. | |
| Now I feel like they hate me. | ||
| They're so happy. | ||
| They look so good and they grow so fast. | ||
| Yeah, but you're feeding them. | ||
| I have big windows. | ||
| I bet they like it. | ||
| Maybe they love it. | ||
| Maybe they're like a house cat. | ||
| They fucking love it. | ||
| Yeah, and I heard that they have eyes. | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| Plants have eyes now. | ||
| They can see you. | ||
| That's too far. | ||
| They had receptors. | ||
| I saw that, I don't know, TikTok probably. | ||
| The thing is about... | ||
| Plants is that they're communicating with each other through the ground. | ||
| That's what's fascinating. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just starting to figure this stuff out. | ||
| I don't know when they realized this, but this is like the mycologists have figured it out. | ||
| And all these scientists are realizing that they're allocating resources to different plants. | ||
| They're sharing resources. | ||
| They're communicating in some way. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Also, there is spots that people take pictures of that meditate in the grass, and that grass grows flowers around it, the spots that they meditate. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| We're like angels. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| They communicate with you if you lay on them. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They definitely do. | ||
| Well, that's why people say when you take mushrooms, go to nature. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You take mushrooms, go to nature. | ||
| It's like, oh my God, these things are alive. | ||
| You don't think of them as a... | ||
| We're so... | ||
| First of all, it's so hard to stay alive up until about, what? | ||
| 200 years ago, 100 years ago? | ||
| It was almost impossible. | ||
| Everybody's getting murdered. | ||
| Left and right. | ||
| Every day is just slaughter fest. | ||
| People are horrible to each other. | ||
| So you gotta concentrate on what you can fucking do. | ||
| I just gotta keep moving. | ||
| What can I eat? | ||
| How can I stay alive? | ||
| How can I keep moving? | ||
| How can I protect my kids? | ||
| So it kind of makes sense that you'll tune out. | ||
| The nature part. | ||
| I can't be fucked with all this beautiful love shit. | ||
| I'm trying to stay alive. | ||
| I'm trying not to get eaten by cats. | ||
| I'm out here trying to protect a baby with a sharp stick. | ||
| Now we can chill. | ||
| Now we can chill. | ||
| Yeah, one of the things I did during the pandemic was move to a very beautiful outdoorsy neighborhood. | ||
| And it really changed everything for me. | ||
| Sure, your own life. | ||
| Yeah, my mental health completely just changed for the better. | ||
| Spending so much time outside and meditating outside and just being in nature. | ||
| They call it forest bathing. | ||
| Ooh, I like the sound of that. | ||
| I didn't invent that, right? | ||
| That's what they call it, right? | ||
| Forest bathing? | ||
| My friend Alex just had a baby and she keeps going. | ||
| I keep imagining women that used to have babies without all the information. | ||
| And they'd just be sitting in a cave breastfeeding and they don't know what the fuck just happened to them. | ||
| This crazy shit they just went through. | ||
| It gives me anxiety because I'm so comfortable about how tough it used to be. | ||
| But also, a long time ago, women would birth together, and they would help each other. | ||
| Like, there would be doulas and midwives, and so it wasn't really, like, it was more communal, I think. | ||
| But still, not having answers, not having Google. | ||
| The secret to mindful travel, a walk in the woods. | ||
| Visit these five destinations to practice the Japanese art of forest bathing. | ||
| Ah, it is real. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Confirmed. | ||
| Confirmed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's just walking through. | ||
| It makes you feel good. | ||
| It changes your life, makes you healthier. | ||
| Raises your vibration. | ||
| I think there's something real to that. | ||
| When we're in an environment, whether it's an environment of people or an environment of plants, you're getting some sort of... | ||
| Weird information that's not as simple as what you see and what you hear. | ||
| I think you get it from people. | ||
| You know people that you like. | ||
| You talk to them and you're like, that guy's cool. | ||
| I like talking to that guy. | ||
| And there's other people that you're like, Jesus. | ||
| And you know, and it's not clear for... | ||
| Because you ever see someone that other people like and you're like, wait. | ||
| You're like, wait a minute, what's happening here? | ||
| That's the story of my whole career. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| Yeah, I've got no explanations for it either. | ||
| It's just crazy and you know that the instincts especially like you see things that are unexplainable like being a woman too like you ever know that a guy is cheating on you and you're right and nothing told you just a feeling What is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I think there's things that people give off besides words. | ||
| There's information that people give off. | ||
| You can tell if someone's being deceptive. | ||
| You can tell if someone's secretly mad at you. | ||
| You know that weird feeling like, I don't think this person likes me. | ||
| Some weird no reason at all that I can discern of. | ||
| You know you get that feeling sometimes? | ||
| I think those are real feelings. | ||
| I think there's something there that's nonverbal. | ||
| Some fucking thing that they're giving off and you're picking up on it. | ||
| And then you trick yourself into thinking it was just you being like, you're like, I might be in a mood. | ||
| And then you brush it off. | ||
| You could do that. | ||
| Then they kill you and you're like, damn it. | ||
| You could try it again. | ||
| I trust my gut. | ||
| Maybe that person was having a rough day. | ||
| I trust my gut. | ||
| You should trust your guy. | ||
| But you could run into someone that just got in a car accident. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| When things happen like that, people get ramped up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yikes. | |
| No, no, people get ramped up. | ||
| It's like, that's why road rage exists, because everyone's ramped up, right? | ||
| You're in the car, and you have to think fast, because you're going fast. | ||
| And then someone's cutting you like, you motherfucker! | ||
| Because you're already ramped up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So sometimes you could run into someone, and some guy just fucking T-boned him, ran a red light, and screamed at him, and there's a lot of shit going on, and the cops didn't help, and then you meet that person. | ||
| And they could be too ramped up. | ||
| And you're like, I think that guy fucking hates me. | ||
| Like, that guy hates everyone right now. | ||
| He's just pissed. | ||
| He almost died in a car accident and no one cares. | ||
| I got into the most frustrating road rage recently. | ||
| I did. | ||
| And it was just like fucking annoying. | ||
| It was like, I do notice that a lot. | ||
| I'm not shitting on L.A. I'm just saying that I notice in L.A. Sounds like you're shitting on L.A., bitch. | ||
| If I was L.A., I'd be like, what, bitch? | ||
| I'll say it right now. | ||
| The traffic is bad because it has the worst drivers in the country. | ||
| LA has the worst drivers in the country because they try to follow the rules too much and they're causing traffic jams. | ||
| No one uses a right lane. | ||
| They're all scared to merge. | ||
| I'm telling you, there's a trick. | ||
| I shouldn't even say it. | ||
| But if you're in LA, you can cut the Google Maps by four or five minutes just by driving in the right lane. | ||
| Everyone's terrified because they don't want to be rude and merge in a mile up the road. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| Anyways. | ||
| Boy, you're real specific. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got like a specific beef with LA drivers. | |
| Don't get her fucking started. | ||
| What do I call them? | ||
| White Knight cucks. | ||
| If you think LA sucks, New York is like, hold my beer, bitch. | ||
| No! | ||
| Because I was just in New York. | ||
| And they're mad people. | ||
| They just fucking cut in front of everybody. | ||
| They drive like crazy. | ||
| New York is crazier. | ||
| I'll take the LA morons over the New York psychos. | ||
| See, I think the LA morons are also, like, looking at themselves. | ||
| A little bit of that. | ||
| A little bit of... | ||
| Does my eyeliner look good? | ||
| A little bit of pretendism. | ||
| There's a camera on them always. | ||
| They're trying to do too much activism, too. | ||
| They stuck. | ||
| They asked you. | ||
| With his glasses on? | ||
| I went down a rabbit hole yesterday looking for Jim Morrison's GT500. Apparently, there's a lost car out there. | ||
| No one knows where it is. | ||
| No one knows how it went away. | ||
| Jim Morrison had one of the only... | ||
| There was only a certain number of Shelby GT500s that were made during this year. | ||
| I think it was 1967. And this car, he filmed this video of him. | ||
| They made like a movie with it. | ||
| They did some filming with it on the highway, and there's like photographs of it, and there's footage from it, and he had this car, and then no one knows where it went. | ||
| And you want it. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| But not just me. | ||
| See, the problem with me is, I'm the wrong guy for that, because I think old cars are stupid. | ||
| I like to take old cars and turn them into cars that drive like new cars. | ||
| It's like, you want brakes, guys. | ||
| Like, you want real brakes. | ||
| That nostalgia of bad brakes, you can kiss my ass with that. | ||
| There's a company called Roadster Shop that did a 1969 Camaro for me. | ||
| They take old cars and they give it a real suspension, independent suspension, full fucking giant six-piston brakes, handles, drives normal, starts when you want it to, voom, voom, voom. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| So I wouldn't really want it other than to say I had it. | ||
| No, you need to get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta get Jim Morrison's car, Joe! | |
| You should send out a hunt for it. | ||
| Send out a hunt! | ||
| You should make it a whole thing. | ||
| Like, if you find Jim Morrison's car, you get this prize. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I think it would be like, if a comic wanted to get Sam Kinison's car, and a musician bought it instead, you'd be like, bitch, give it to us. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So Jim Morrison's car? | ||
| I feel like a musician has to take that. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| You know who should drive Jim Morrison's car? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Gary Clark Jr. I don't know who that is. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Do I? You guys don't know Gary Clark Jr.? | ||
| Do I, mama? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Austin resident, one of the greatest guitarists of all time. | ||
| Oh, he lives in Austin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh shit. | ||
| We gotta get him Jim Morrison's car. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| There's a cover of one of his albums where he was standing in front of this vintage Cadillac, this fucking cool Cadillac. | ||
| I was like, dude, please tell me that was your car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, nope. | |
| I want him to know, Gary Clark Jr., to know that my DMs are open. | ||
| He's quite married. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Lovely lady. | ||
| I guess it's Zuckerberg then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Back to the Zuck. | ||
| Not him hearing that. | ||
| Now he knows he's the second choice. | ||
| No, Zuck. | ||
| Number one. | ||
| Yeah, you can't do that to the Zuck. | ||
| Sorry, Zucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Zucky, baby. | ||
| The guy's a billionaire. | ||
| He's entering his jiu-jitsu tournaments. | ||
| He's competitive. | ||
| You can't do that to him. | ||
| I'm sorry, Zucky. | ||
| What's he going to put you in, Shanky? | ||
| What? | ||
| What jiu-jitsu move? | ||
| An unplata. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Maybe a triangle. | ||
| I know the jargon. | ||
| I hang out with fighters. | ||
| Anybody want any coffee? | ||
| I would love coffee, please. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you, thank you, thank you. | ||
| That's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The princess. | |
| This article says it probably wrecked. | ||
| Is that not what people think? | ||
| Yeah, they don't know, man. | ||
| They think it went missing. | ||
| I went down a rabbit hole and this guy did a video of it. | ||
| And the guy was saying that there's a bunch of different stories. | ||
| One story that he crashed it and left it there and it got towed. | ||
| That I believe. | ||
| Whitney did that. | ||
| At Avril Lavigne's house. | ||
| I think her car's still there. | ||
| That sounds like a Whitney move. | ||
| That's like a Mike Tyson move. | ||
| He crashed one of his Bentleys and gave it to the cop. | ||
| You can have this off of them. | ||
| The cop was like, okay. | ||
| The cop had a fucking Bentley for like two days and then they made him give it back. | ||
| The police force made him give it back. | ||
| The Mike Tyson interview of him telling the woman journalist to stop speaking out of that shit was kind of funny. | ||
| I don't talk to women unless I fornicate women. | ||
| And then she was just silent. | ||
| She was like, okay. | ||
| She didn't make another sound. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| No, but when I saw him at the comedy store, it was one of the only times I've been really starstruck. | ||
| Yeah, I saw him at the comedy store. | ||
| He was very nice. | ||
| He talked to me and didn't try to fornicate with me, I will say. | ||
| He's the nicest guy ever. | ||
| He was so nice. | ||
| He's very, very nice, believe it or not. | ||
| And he's a very kind person. | ||
| It is a very funny thing to say. | ||
| Well, back in the day, he was a different person. | ||
| And that's the thing that he was most afraid of about even working out. | ||
| He said it. | ||
| He said he doesn't want to rekindle his ego. | ||
| That's what he said when he fought Roy Jones. | ||
| It was a crazy quote. | ||
| He said, like, the gods of war have rekindled my ego. | ||
| The gods of war have rekindled my ego? | ||
| I understand that, though. | ||
| You know what that guy must have been like from when he won the world title at 20 years old to when Buster Douglas beat him? | ||
| It was just a series of executions. | ||
| It was one of the craziest things that anybody had ever seen in boxing. | ||
| Everybody was so terrified. | ||
| By the time they got in the ring with them. | ||
| They were losing before they got anywhere close to the ring. | ||
| They were terrified of this fucking guy. | ||
| He was like nobody we'd ever seen in the heavyweight division. | ||
| So you have to be extreme in every possible part of your life to be riding those RPMs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| Of all the men, super athletes that are great at punching people in the face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You excel beyond and above all of them. | |
| It's insane. | ||
| Imagine how sick you are as his opponent. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Like right before the fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Terrified. | |
| Like the feeling that you feel. | ||
| It's like that nausea. | ||
| Just you know. | ||
| You're trying to be confident, but you know. | ||
| Oh, it's sickening. | ||
| You've watched the videos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's sick, yeah. | |
| You've watched the Marvis Frazier fight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Marvis Frazier fight was one of the most terrifying boxing fights I ever saw in my life. | ||
| Because it was Marvis Frazier who was the son of the great Joe Frazier, former world heavyweight champion. | ||
| And Marvis Frazier was his son, and his son was fighting Mike Tyson in his prime. | ||
| And it was on ABC Wide World of Sports, I think. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This had to be like 86 or something like that. | ||
| 87? | ||
| What year was that, young Jamie? | ||
| So it had to be somewhere in the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tyson? | |
| Tyson Frazier, July 26th, 1986. 1986. Want to see it? | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| Let's play it. | ||
| Because it's one of the most... | ||
| I feel like I've seen highlights, but he probably has a bunch of fights out there. | ||
| Yeah, but this is the one that you should see. | ||
| Because this was a huge fight. | ||
| Because he was the number two ranked heavyweight contender. | ||
| And he was the man. | ||
| He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. | ||
| I actually have it framed in my office. | ||
| Sports Illustrated sent it to me. | ||
| It was Mike Tyson. | ||
| It said, Kid Dynamite. | ||
| And at the time, he was 19 years old. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look how young Jim Lampley looks. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So let's scoot ahead to the actual fight itself. | ||
| The fight itself was... | ||
| This is like highlights of other fights that Mike's had. | ||
| So they're basically like setting up the whole Mike Tyson story that he's the most terrifying contender that we've seen since, you know, Joe Frazier. | ||
| And Joe Frazier like kind of dismissed him in some sort of way. | ||
| There's some sort of a verbal back and forth with him and Joe Frazier. | ||
| And so this is Joe's son, Marvis. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Who is fighting Mike Tyson in his fucking... | ||
| Mike Tyson in his prime is hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was 20 years old. | ||
| So this is before he fought for the title. | ||
| You gotta watch how terrifying this is. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a machine. | |
| Just right away. | ||
| Bobbing and weaving. | ||
| Jab. | ||
| Big shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big shots No, no Dude. | |
| Is one of the most terrifying knockouts ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| And that was when Mike Tyson became undeniable. | ||
| Everybody's like, oh my god, that's the man. | ||
| That's the man. | ||
| That man's father watched that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He did it so swiftly. | ||
| I mean, his punches are so accurate, so fast, and so powerful. | ||
| I mean, look at that. | ||
| He's catching him on the way down. | ||
| He's out cold, and he hit him twice on the way down while he was out cold. | ||
| That's how fast he's hitting him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| There was nobody like him. | ||
| There was nobody like him. | ||
| No. | ||
| I put that version of Mike Tyson, I would like to see that version against any heavyweight that ever lived. | ||
| There was like a period of time where you're like, Jesus, who's gonna beat that guy? | ||
| No, thank you. | ||
| I would have loved to have seen it. | ||
| I got punched in the face at Skank Fest and that was not funny. | ||
| I hated that. | ||
| I did a fight and this girl came in. | ||
| No, that was horrible. | ||
| I was on the sideline like, okay, I hope mommy's gonna make it. | ||
| She comes in. | ||
| Lewis is like, you wanna fight? | ||
| And I'm like, not really. | ||
| I'm in overalls, like, off a tab of acid. | ||
| For two days straight. | ||
| Like, no sleep. | ||
| And I had a concussion three weeks ago. | ||
| And then he's like, you wanna fight? | ||
| How'd you get a concussion? | ||
| I got a... | ||
| doing Muay Thai. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| Just the first time holding pads with this huge guy. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And I didn't know I got a concussion. | ||
| And then a few days later, we were sparring and someone hit me in the back of the head by accident. | ||
| And then when I was driving home, I lost my vision. | ||
| And then when I went to the hospital, like I said, I had post-concussive syndrome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So then I had a concussion. | ||
| You were holding pads for a big guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just the jolt of it gave you a concussion? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| The pads hitting the pad to my head. | ||
| And I could feel it because I'd get migraines after. | ||
| Why are you holding the pads for a big man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That is a good question, Joe. | ||
| I shouldn't have been. | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't let you hold the pads for me. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'd be like, don't do that. | ||
| You could hold the pads for me, though, bitch. | ||
| But you could if the guy was just touching them. | ||
| Yeah, no, he was hitting them hard. | ||
| Yeah, that's not... | ||
| You can't really do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Someone needs to tell him. | ||
| I know now. | ||
| Hey, bro, you need a strong person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A very strong person. | ||
| Some of those Thai guys are amazing, because they're not big guys. | ||
| They're like these small dudes, but they're so fucking strong at that. | ||
| Just that motion. | ||
| They have so much power. | ||
| They stop these fucking horrendous kicks with their forearms. | ||
| I have a friend who just went to Thailand for Muay Thai to train and he said just being in Muay Thai, being in Thailand as Muay Thai got so much better in such a short amount of time. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| We were just talking about that in the UFC this past weekend, because there was a story of this guy, Khalil Roundtree, who was a very good fighter, but he lost one fight to this guy, Johnny Walker, and then decided to go to Thailand and really immerse himself in Muay Thai. | ||
| And then he came back, and he was a totally different fighter. | ||
| We were like, whoa! | ||
| So much so that I had him on the podcast. | ||
| I'm like, what happened? | ||
| Tell me what happened. | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| He just, like, realized he had to be fucking 100% all-in and serious, and he went to Thailand, learned Muay Thai, realized he had some holes in his striking game, and patched them all. | ||
| I feel like I would go to Thailand to do Muay Thai and then I'd spend one day at the beach and be like, I'll be there tomorrow. | ||
| You'd have to do some sort of like a camp. | ||
| No, I really like to. | ||
| I'll probably go back and do it again. | ||
| You gotta be careful about concussions though. | ||
| They're not fun. | ||
| I'm just gonna do it for fun and not so... | ||
| I was like training to do a fight at one point and like try to compete and now I'm like, I just want to do it and kind of work out. | ||
| That's what's good about jiu-jitsu. | ||
| There's much less of that. | ||
| You occasionally bang heads and get a knee in the face accidentally. | ||
| Selfishly. | ||
| I was like, please don't get a concussion, bitch. | ||
| The podcast will be shit if you can't think. | ||
| Maybe it'd be better. | ||
| Maybe it should be more reckless. | ||
| She comes in speaking in a different accent like someone after a stroke. | ||
| Lindsay Lohan in Dubai. | ||
| She comes and she can count in Chinese. | ||
| Like all of a sudden out of nowhere. | ||
| That is crazy when that happens to people. | ||
| Yeah, they get struck by lightning, like that John Travolta movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you remember that movie? | |
| Oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baby geniuses? | |
| Phenomenon? | ||
| Something like that, right? | ||
| With an outer. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Could he read minds or something afterwards? | ||
| Yeah, no, he had like superpowers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Phenomenon. | |
| Yeah, something happened. | ||
| Yeah, he became like an angel or some shit. | ||
| There's two movies. | ||
| There's Michael where he's the angel? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was thinking of both of them. | |
| I can buy these two silly movies. | ||
| That's what people should do, movie hybrids. | ||
| Yeah, that's like Alien vs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Predator. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So the one where he got electrocuted, what kind of powers? | ||
| Oh, he became super smart, right? | ||
| I think he was like a regular dude, and then he got electrocuted. | ||
| And then he was in a bubble. | ||
| Remember the bubble boys? | ||
| They came out the same year, that's probably why. | ||
| Phenomenon and Michael? | ||
| In 96, they both came out. | ||
| 96. So what was the story of Phenomenon? | ||
| He became super smart, right? | ||
| Is that the premise? | ||
| I think he had powers of some kind. | ||
| I think there were powers and super smart. | ||
| He was a flash of light. | ||
| But he got hit by a lightning. | ||
| Doesn't say it? | ||
| He becomes a genius. | ||
| He's exhibit extraordinary mental abilities. | ||
| He becomes a genius. | ||
| This is what everybody wants. | ||
| Nobody wants to work really hard to be a genius. | ||
| Everybody wants to just get hit by lightning. | ||
| This was my mom's favorite movie when I was a kid. | ||
| For people who lived in the 90s, this is the perfect movie. | ||
| I have never seen or heard of this movie. | ||
| This is my mom's favorite movie when I was a kid. | ||
| My mom's was Titanic. | ||
| You got a beautiful handsome man who's kind of, you know, nothing's really good happening to him. | ||
| You know, it's kind of boring. | ||
| All of a sudden he gets hit by lightning. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| Not the lightning coming slowly at him. | ||
| That was the slowest lightning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear a noise? | |
| Did you hear it? | ||
| The man's inebriated. | ||
| I'm not drunk. | ||
| Can't sleep. | ||
| And you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's happening here, George? | |
| Not the dog. | ||
| Oh, it's the best movie of all time. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep it going. | |
| We should get barbecued and watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| And do like a fight companion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| And we break down this movie phenomenon. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| So I think they're saying, like, the aliens gave him a blast. | ||
| Is that what it looked like? | ||
| Yeah, because I feel like the same time, too. | ||
| Yeah, Fire in the Sky came around this time, too. | ||
| Oh, they were trying to do aliens. | ||
| Fire in the Sky is about this guy. | ||
| This is Travis Walton. | ||
| Do you know the story of Fire in the Sky? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Wait. | ||
| No, but I didn't expect the bubble when I turned back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't either. | |
| He gave it to me. | ||
| It was a gift. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a gift. | |
| Thank you, Trevor. | ||
| It sits right here. | ||
| Firing this guy was amazing. | ||
| What the hell is happening? | ||
| Well, it's this man's story. | ||
| The real Travis Walton came in the podcast and told us a story when he was a In his early 20s, he was a logger, and they were going down this road, and they saw this thing. | ||
| They don't know what it is, this bright light that came and landed near where the road was. | ||
| And so they got out of the car, they stopped the car, and Travis, I guess he was kind of a wild man, he ran towards the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He got towards the thing, and they all said there was some burst of light, he fell to the ground, and then they panicked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Hold on, they panicked. | ||
| They took off. | ||
| They drive off, and then they start screaming in the car, we can't fucking leave, we gotta go back, we gotta go back and get him. | ||
| Let's go back and get him. | ||
| They turn around, they go back, he's gone. | ||
| He's missing for five days. | ||
| Five days later, he makes a phone call to the police. | ||
| He says, I don't know what happened. | ||
| He tries to explain. | ||
| He gets abducted by a fucking UFO and they fix him. | ||
| Whatever happened to him when he got hit by this blast of energy, he says that they realized he was going to die. | ||
| So they took him aboard and they repaired him. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| And then they brought him back. | ||
| It is a fucking wild story, if it's true. | ||
| And this movie was kind of fun. | ||
| Whoa, I want to see this movie. | ||
| But the movie's got a lot of shit in it. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| It keeps kind of explaining. | ||
| But for the most part, they kind of got the story right. | ||
| And by the way, there was multiple sightings of UFOs in this area. | ||
| What area was it? | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The whole story is so fun. | ||
| I want to believe it so bad. | ||
| I mean, the guy had the same story forever. | ||
| He hasn't changed it. | ||
| And that's always interesting to me, that this person would tell this story their whole life. | ||
| I mean, here he was now. | ||
| He was in this... | ||
| Okay, White Mountains, Northeastern Arizona. | ||
| Arizona, that makes sense because that's all those, like, portals, the energy portals and shit there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Those. | ||
| Who really knows about those? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Do people know about those? | ||
| In Sedona, there's vortexes. | ||
| We ran into some fucking weird shit in Arizona. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| We ran into this place. | ||
| We drove by it. | ||
| You girls are doing acid four out of five days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You could run into weird shit at Wendy's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| We did think we ran into Bono at In-N-Out once. | ||
| Remember what I did? | ||
| Yeah, you asked for a picture. | ||
| Okay, first of all, I thought it was Bono for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was trying to fuck this fake Bono. | |
| The Bono impersonator at In-N-Out really got me. | ||
| I go, Kim, sit down. | ||
| Bono's coming. | ||
| She's yelling at me to behave. | ||
| How close was it? | ||
| Like eight out of ten? | ||
| It was close. | ||
| We had a picture. | ||
| I hope not. | ||
| Have you ever seen Chinese Elon Musk? | ||
| No, but I want to. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Chi-Long Musk. | ||
| It's like if they really cloned him and they added some sort of dominant Chinese DNA. Is it a real person? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| No! | ||
| Jamie, how did you do that? | ||
| With a fake Bono at In-N-Out. | ||
| That guy, you thought that guy was Bono? | ||
| I was very high. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Look at Sarah. | ||
| He's trying to look like him though a little bit. | ||
| He's trying. | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| Sarah has love in her eyes too. | ||
| Is he a musician as well? | ||
| Yeah, that'd be hilarious. | ||
| What we're saying is embarrassing. | ||
| Look at the people behind us laughing at us. | ||
| Yeah, let's kill it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kill it. | |
| This is embarrassing. | ||
| I'm embarrassed for them. | ||
| You think that's bad. | ||
| Fake Bono. | ||
| That's the tip of the iceberg, ladies. | ||
| Fake Bono? | ||
| Sometimes you get got by a fake Bono. | ||
| And sometimes you start telling fake Bono about your projects. | ||
| Do not bring up the audio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll cut it. | |
| Your projects. | ||
| Well, what I'm working on now. | ||
| Listen, we just did this thing called stone science where we get high and we do science experiments. | ||
| We're high right now. | ||
| That is a uniquely LA experience. | ||
| When you talk to someone and then they immediately tell you their projects they're working on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We wanted Bono to do a science experiment with us. | |
| We weren't bragging. | ||
| We wanted to bring a monster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We had a genius idea while we were having a wild style fry. | |
| What do they call them? | ||
| Animal style. | ||
| Animal style. | ||
| Not wild style. | ||
| When you meet somebody though, how many times do you meet somebody and they tell you all the stuff they're doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So much that I don't even go there. | |
| It's like wasted time before we get to talk. | ||
| It'll make you not friendly. | ||
| Hi, I have an agent. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| We just met. | ||
| People literally say the words, what are you working on to me? | ||
| Every week. | ||
| And I'm like, what do you mean? | ||
| Because they're all obsessed. | ||
| I'm like, but imagine. | ||
| It's like, I want to go through the things I'm working on. | ||
| A checklist of the things I'm working on with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird thing to say. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And I'm embarrassed. | ||
| I brought it up to fake Bono, actually. | ||
| Yeah, well, you didn't know what to do. | ||
| You panicked. | ||
| I panicked. | ||
| And let me tell you. | ||
| Did you know he was fake Bono at that point? | ||
| No. | ||
| We were high off our minds. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I thought that was real Bono. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| After talking to him? | ||
| Is that real Bono? | ||
| It kind of looks like. | ||
| That's real Bono. | ||
| That looked like fake Bono. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Can we bring up a side to side? | ||
| Fake Bono looks better. | ||
| That's what my mom said. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| My mom looks at fake Bono and goes, fake Bono's nose is nicer than real Bono's nose. | ||
| This looks like the guy at In-N-Out to me. | ||
| Real Bono's way older than that guy. | ||
| Yeah, Real Bono. | ||
| Looks rough. | ||
| I was bringing this up. | ||
| They're touring that new sphere in Vegas. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I love watching their shows from the 90s. | ||
| Do you know what this sphere in Vegas, do you guys know what this is? | ||
| No. | ||
| They're going to be able to do the whole thing in LEDs. | ||
| So the entire sphere, the inside of it, there's all these visuals and maps and everything. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's what they're going to be able to do in there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| This is like one of the biggest entertainment projects that any company's ever taken on. | ||
| Like, this is nuts. | ||
| This thing is really nuts. | ||
| So when is it opening? | ||
| Later this year, like in the fall, I think they've already announced some of the dates for their show. | ||
| That's why they're starting to sort of show stuff. | ||
| I want to go see you two in Vegas! | ||
| What does it cost to run a fucking show? | ||
| The lights for the whole building like that? | ||
| The walls? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That has to be insane overhead. | |
| Insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Just to turn everything on. | ||
| Yeah, if I leave the lights on for two days, it's insane. | ||
| So I can't even imagine at the sphere. | ||
| They're going to have up to four shows a day, too. | ||
| And how good is the software? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What if it's like fucking Windows 98? | ||
| What if it's crashing and shit? | ||
| What if it overheats? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at it! | |
| The outside is also LEDs. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| No, that's so cool. | ||
| Wait, so- The outside is LEDs. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| Four shows a night? | ||
| It's going to look like the fucking earth! | ||
| Wow! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think this is definitely rendering, but they should be able to make it look like the earth. | |
| Oh my god, if they can make it look like the earth, I'm going to move to Vegas. | ||
| I just want to stare at it. | ||
| Yeah, same! | ||
| Same! | ||
| I want to have the experience. | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| Did you watch that Elvis movie? | ||
| I did. | ||
| That was sad. | ||
| It made me sad. | ||
| It made me feel bad for Elvis. | ||
| Yeah, well, it was sad. | ||
| They're like shooting him up with drugs so he could keep going. | ||
| The real Elvis was sad in a lot of ways. | ||
| But it's also, he was traveling down a road where there was no map. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| There was no people that were that famous back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| There was him, and then there was the Beatles, and there was a few before the Buddy Hollies, and there's some people that got pretty famous. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But they didn't get that famous. | ||
| That was crazy famous. | ||
| Weirdly famous. | ||
| Weirdly famous. | ||
| Yeah, he got to that... | ||
| When he did that comeback special, and he's on stage, and there's the intimate audience with people, and people got to see the real Elvis, and then America fell in love with him again. | ||
| Like, that guy. | ||
| That guy was living in a very strange frequency that very few human beings ever get to exist in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And no one had done it before. | ||
| Yeah, and when he first came out, people were like, this man's gyrating. | ||
| This is XXX stuff. | ||
| And it's so funny. | ||
| Well, you've got to realize that television didn't even get invented until, like, what was it, 1930? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| What was the first television? | ||
| We're going to find it. | ||
| Everyone didn't have them at home at first. | ||
| What was the first one that they invented? | ||
| A lot of people didn't have them for a long-ass time. | ||
| 1941. 1941, okay. | ||
| Well, that was the first commercial television. | ||
| Oh, that's not correct. | ||
| The first commercial television, like you can buy? | ||
| That's the first television commercial. | ||
| Oh, television commercial. | ||
| Oh, they figured out how to make money. | ||
| At the beginning, they were just broadcasting shit. | ||
| We're going to do a play with puppets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They could do anything back then. | |
| No one knew what was good or bad. | ||
| It was all new. | ||
| People would watch some of the dumbest things just because they were just like, I can't believe there's moving things in front of me. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| People watch some really dumb stuff, and then they figured out that it looked kind of dumb, and then they started getting better at that. | ||
| But all that stuff is so recent. | ||
| So if they did that in the 1930s and 40s, like the first TVs from 41, by the time... | ||
| That was it? | ||
| It was in the 30s, it sounded like... | ||
| I'm looking at... | ||
| It's telling me that on the Wikipedia, they had stuff going back into the 1800s. | ||
| I'm like, well, what... | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You mean commercials in general? | ||
| No, I mean television. | ||
| Boxes that have cathode ray tubes and shit. | ||
| The thing that happened with Elvis is this is the first guy ever that is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're wearing Elvis. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't even notice it until right now. | ||
| Roots of Fight. | ||
| Get it before they sell out. | ||
| But that thing about Elvis is that there was no media before him, right? | ||
| So when you're dealing with 10 years before that, 20 years before that, you don't have it. | ||
| There's no TV. There's no Ed Sullivan show. | ||
| There's no nothing. | ||
| So now all of a sudden there is. | ||
| And now all of a sudden this guy is on TV singing these songs and he's got this fucking perfect hair and he's wiggling his hips and everybody goes fucking crazy! | ||
| This is so new. | ||
| This is so new. | ||
| They're like, this is sexual. | ||
| It's so new to everybody except black people because he's hanging out with them and that's where he learned everything. | ||
| That was part of the problem too. | ||
| He's like, that's my cousins dance! | ||
| Hey! | ||
|
unidentified
|
My cousin taught him that! | |
| He didn't know what to do. | ||
| The pills probably helped him alleviate his anxiety and they probably kept feeding him the pills because he'll keep performing if you keep feeding him the pills and he's caught. | ||
| And then when people... | ||
| How would they even clean someone up back then? | ||
| How do you clean up Elvis? | ||
| Are you going to tell him you got to clean up? | ||
| Well, remember, they couldn't because he had that residency and his manager didn't want him to stop performing either. | ||
| So that guy was working against him too, which I did not like. | ||
| Well, that's... | ||
| Well, that guy was a gambling chunky, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| I don't know how much of the story is embellished in the movie, but the story they tell in the movie is like, wow. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And I can't even look at Tom Hanks the same way ever since he played... | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, he played amazing. | ||
| He's amazing at being that creepy old dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He killed it. | ||
| Tom Hanks is one of those actors that can be anybody. | ||
| Yeah, there's a few of those guys out there and gals. | ||
| When you watch that movie, though, you got to think, like, Michael Jackson is kind of a similar story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But even weirder. | ||
| Because Michael Jackson cracks when he's, like, six or seven. | ||
| Like, how old was he when they were singing ABC? How old was that? | ||
| Young. | ||
| And he was a baby. | ||
| He was under ten, right? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See, pull that up. | ||
| Pull... | ||
| The Jackson 5 ABC. 1970. Okay. | ||
| So, Elvis had already existed, right? | ||
| And you already have big bands. | ||
| There's Led Zeppelin. | ||
| There's a lot of very, very, very, very famous people. | ||
| But then there's Michael Jackson. | ||
| This may be so ignorant, but it's so wild to me that Elvis and Led Zeppelin are in the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think. | |
| Conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so little. | |
| He's a baby. | ||
| You say he's 11 or 12? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, come on. | |
| cute Look at him Her dad's in the background like holding a belt. | ||
| He finished the song. | ||
| You gotta realize, those are all... | ||
| Keep it going, bro. | ||
| You gotta realize, are we getting in trouble? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is it gonna be copywriters, one of those things? | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| When that young man was singing in front of his older brothers, you know how crazy that is? | ||
| You got all these older competitive brothers that have been in show business their whole life, and all of a sudden this young motherfucker is kissed by God and has this thing where he can just fucking dance and sing and it's so compelling. | ||
| Could you imagine being in a family band? | ||
| And being the star. | ||
| And being the star. | ||
| It probably made him feel a little weird. | ||
| It had to be weird. | ||
| I mean, it had to be weird if you're like a regular person, and you got a person like your brother or your sister, and they can do the same thing that everybody in the whole family is doing, but they just do it better than everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how? | ||
| Where's that coming from? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He's so little. | ||
| Come on, it's adorable. | ||
| It is really cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, he's got gold rings on him. | |
| Incredible. | ||
| Look at him dancing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It was amazing. | ||
| He was an amazing talent. | ||
| And then he became like Elvis. | ||
| Like, too unmanageable. | ||
| Unmanageable fame. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like the videos of whenever people jump on stage with him and then he just lets it happen. | ||
| Michael Jackson does? | ||
| Yeah, the Chinese dude that jumps on stage and he holds him and lifts him up into the air. | ||
| That might have been a setup. | ||
| I don't think the security is going to allow some guy to just grab Michael Jackson and carry him on. | ||
| It seems like people slip through. | ||
| I don't know, this is crazy. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| I don't know how he would get up there. | ||
| I think they lowered the crane for a minute and the fan jumps on this guy. | ||
| Maybe it's in China or something. | ||
| Or in Japan. | ||
| Is it Japanese? | ||
| Look at that man. | ||
| He's having the time of his life. | ||
| Where is this taking place? | ||
| Michael's holding on to him tight. | ||
| Oh, it's in Korea. | ||
| So he's Korean. | ||
| Korean, yes. | ||
| So this is just a fan? | ||
| I mean, it looks like they're in a relationship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's probably in a basement right now working for Samsung. | |
| Chained to the wall. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| Look how happy he is. | ||
| He's super happy. | ||
| This is the best moment of his life. | ||
| The security who's about to get fired? | ||
| They need to get fucked up. | ||
| So look, they just grab the guy and maul him now. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, why, why, why, why? | ||
| I know, they obviously have a maul. | ||
| Because they know they're in trouble. | ||
| And they have to double down on him. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That seems real as fuck. | ||
| He handled it. | ||
| Probably sung the whole time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I wish you weren't on here with me. | ||
| Didn't miss a note. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that guy, he got into that weird stratosphere. | ||
| I don't want to repeat Tony Hinchcliffe's joke, but he got so good that people didn't care about the allegations against him. | ||
| That's how good, people still listen to his music. | ||
| There's a lot of people that have like, R. Kelly's off the playlist. | ||
| They let him go. | ||
| Dude, Woody Allen. | ||
| Yeah, he's another one. | ||
| People are just like, it's cool. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| They did his movies. | ||
| The movies won. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| The art was so good. | ||
| When the movies are good, the movies are good, sweetie. | ||
| I don't know what to tell you. | ||
| Yeah, it's a very specific... | ||
| Annie Hall? | ||
| Oh my god, he had some amazing movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had some great movies. | ||
| It's just a wild boy. | ||
| Not a wild boy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what to say, you know, about that. | |
| Do it a little later. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Can I see it? | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| Chick, it's crazy. | ||
| Shit does get crazy. | ||
| What a terrible segue that is though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like if you're on stage and you try out a new joke. | |
| Shit gets crazy. | ||
| I can bring it back to this. | ||
| Oh, Chimp Empire. | ||
| It's because no matter what you say about Michael Jackson, it always ends with, well, the music was good. | ||
| It's sad. | ||
| It's a fucking terrible, sad story over life. | ||
| But the impact that he had on so many fucking people. | ||
| But this, the camera work. | ||
| This is what I don't understand. | ||
| How did they do this? | ||
| Wait, I want to see this. | ||
| How am I seeing this? | ||
| It's so clear. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| I don't know where they were. | ||
| I don't know how they captured it, but they captured everything. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| This documentary is so good. | ||
| It's a series. | ||
| I don't know how many episodes. | ||
| I'm four in, I think. | ||
| I'm watching this tonight. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so compelling. | ||
| So do they seem like little humans? | ||
| It came out on your birthday, Shank. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, there's certainly, you know, we share a common ancestor, and you can see that in a lot of their behavior, but they're fascinating. | ||
| Forget about whether or not they're like us. | ||
| Just they are absolutely fascinating. | ||
| They're social hierarchies. | ||
| They wage war on each other. | ||
| They control resources. | ||
| They control where certain bands of them are not allowed to grow into this area because it's their fruit. | ||
| Are all those parts of them also like us? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| A lot like us. | ||
| A lot like us. | ||
| My psychiatrist references monkeys all the time and primates. | ||
| So these guys were out there just hanging out with them until the chimps got comfortable with them? | ||
| Is that what they did? | ||
| Yeah, they're walking through there with all sorts of cameras and drones. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| They might have stopped that meal because they ate a lot of monkeys. | ||
| That's one thing about this documentary. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, they eat monkeys. | ||
| What? | ||
| They love to eat monkeys. | ||
| They catch them all the time. | ||
| This is like the Chow's. | ||
| In like three episodes, they'd killed at least two or three monkeys. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Oh yeah, they kill monkeys every time they can. | ||
| Chimps kill monkeys? | ||
| That would be traumatic to watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the time. | |
| This is just wild that these people are out there with these chimps. | ||
| They had a video of a cameraman getting dragged by a gorilla into the woods. | ||
| It wasn't even a cameraman, I don't think, right? | ||
| It wasn't? | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was something like that, though. | ||
| This is some Jane Goodall shit. | ||
| Yeah, like a film crew. | ||
| Yeah, I want to watch this for sure. | ||
| This is wild. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Smoke a blunt and watch some chimps. | ||
| The footage they got is the most insane footage I've ever seen anybody capture of wildlife. | ||
| The fact that these chimpanzees got so comfortable with them and watched as they waged war on each other. | ||
| These guys like moved around with them and they let them move around with them. | ||
| They didn't see them as a threat. | ||
| They didn't see them as their friend and they did all their normal chimpanzee shit. | ||
| This is like that movie they did with those animals. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| They put all the different species of animals together and Tippi Hendren was in it. | ||
| What movie are you talking about? | ||
| Tippi Hendren was in it and they put a bunch of the staff died and it's the reason... | ||
| Oh, the lion movie! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right! | |
| We were going to have a fight companion to Roar. | ||
| The first time I saw that, I was on Mushrooms. | ||
| Oh my god, it's supposed to be the dumbest movie ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| And they used real cats. | ||
| And she had them in her house, Tippi Hedren. | ||
| You can find videos in the 60s of her with the cats. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| These people are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Oh, hell no. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Yeah, we're just sleeping nice and comfortable while our cats, who never get to kill anything, but desperately want to, don't kill us. | ||
| How did the cats... | ||
| No, this was the craziest movie to watch. | ||
| This is so dumb, that they did this movie with real cats, and they got out there and brawled with real cats. | ||
| No animals were harmed in the making of this film. | ||
| 70 members of the cast and crew were. | ||
| I think hundreds of animals died, by the way. | ||
| 70. 70 people got bit by big cats. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| How many people died? | ||
| I think a couple died. | ||
| Had to have. | ||
| A couple and a lot of animals. | ||
| Yeah, if no one died, the story sucks. | ||
| No, people died. | ||
| People died, and she says that she thinks she lost her earring because of it. | ||
| Bad karma. | ||
| Bad karma. | ||
| Because people died? | ||
| Yeah, my friend. | ||
| She had hearing loss because of karma? | ||
| That's a Tippi set. | ||
| Maybe just went deaf. | ||
| That's a thing a woman named Tippi would say. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| There's these photos of Tippi's house and inside she has the lions just at home. | ||
| In her mid-century modern living room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Dude. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| How do you even live comfortably? | ||
| I don't think you really do. | ||
| I think you like the fear. | ||
| There's something about those kind of people that they like knowing that the animals listen to them even though they don't have to. | ||
| I guess, but it's just like it's a gamble that you can only lose once. | ||
| Like you can have a dog and the dog can grouch or maybe even bite you, but it's not probably going to kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Most likely your dog's not going to kill you unless you're a real piece of shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You beat your dog constantly or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Some crazy... | ||
| You know, beast of a dog. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But most of the time, they're just gonna bite you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't think anybody died. | ||
| No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn it. | |
| There was a lot of crazy... | ||
| Somebody got scalped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wait, I'm sorry. | ||
| Scalped seems worse than death. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Well, maybe they sewed it back on. | ||
| They could probably sew it back on. | ||
| I assumed when I heard scalped it was dead. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah, that seems like you're gone. | ||
| 220 sutures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's just probably like a scratch from a claw. | ||
| Probably like, get the fuck out of my face, bitch, with that camera. | ||
| He went back to work. | ||
| Oh my god, he went back to work. | ||
| If I got scalped, I would not be going back to work. | ||
| Do you think they're addicted to being around those things? | ||
| They're just addicted to the fear and the energy? | ||
| They like the, yeah, they like that feeling. | ||
| The adrenaline. | ||
| The adrenaline, yeah. | ||
| Do you think you could understand that? | ||
| Like, do you think you would feel the same way if you were in control of some cat? | ||
| Like, that's what I, when I was watching Tiger King, Tiger King! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| When I was watching Tiger King, I was like, maybe that's fun. | ||
| Maybe it's fun to have a bunch of big giant-ass cats listen to you. | ||
| I don't feel that. | ||
| I feel that when I see prison shows, though. | ||
| I'm like, running in a prison gang would seem fun. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Most members of the crew were injured. | ||
| Most, including DeBont, who was scalped by cherries, I guess that's the cat's name, while he was filming under a tarpaulin. | ||
| He received 220 sutures but resumed his duties after recovering. | ||
| Togar, one of the lead lions, bit assistant director Darren Copper in the throat and jaw and tried to pull off one of his ears. | ||
| After Copper unintentionally cued an attack. | ||
| Feels like we're reading one of Mike Tyson's fights. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Copper also received injuries to his scalp, chest, and thigh, and he was admitted to Palmdale General Hospital where he had to undergo four and a half hours of surgery. | ||
| Although the attack was reported as nearly fatal, a nurse told Santa Cruz Sentinel reporter that Copper's injuries were acute, sudden, and traumatic, but that he was conscious and in fair condition after the surgery. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| 20 people quit after that day. | ||
| Yeah, after witnessing attacks, 20 crew members left to say, I want to know who didn't leave. | ||
| Who's like, this fucking job rules! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you kidding me, man? | |
| I saw I got bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm watching bitches getting scalped. | |
| They let you drink. | ||
| Bro, they get benefits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get time and a half now that everyone's dead. | |
| That was a young Tiger King. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Dude, when I was watching Tiger King, I remember thinking, these people are crazy, and I'm watching it, and I'm wearing, at the time, a cheetah robe, cheetah pants. | ||
| I love a wild cat print. | ||
| I think that's slightly different in the experience of being around them, but I see where you're going with that. | ||
| There's like a distant call from it, from the past. | ||
| I feel like I have a little bit of the mental illness, if you know what I mean. | ||
| Look, I like The Prince. | ||
| It wasn't about the tigers. | ||
| For me, it was about the clothes. | ||
| If you were a woman, and you lived like a thousand years ago, and you were wearing some tiger skins, you were a bad bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody gave you some tiger skin. | ||
| Someone hunted that tiger for you. | ||
| Someone had to go fuck up a tiger for you. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Make you a coat. | ||
| That's how you show up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got that good thing. | |
| You got that good pussy. | ||
| You saw that. | ||
| You got tiger skin pussy. | ||
| Flossing on bitches with a tiger robe. | ||
| You walk by some girls just wearing goat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're like, ooh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yikes! | |
| You're poor. | ||
| One session involved a leopard licking Hedren's face, which had been coated in honey. | ||
| Hedren considered to be one of the most dangerous scenes she agreed to film, as though handlers were 8 feet 2.4 meters away. | ||
| They would not have been able to stop the cat from biting her. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And the scenes were some of this... | ||
| Where some of the big cats are shot and killed by hunters, the effect was achieved by filming the animals when they were tranquilized for their annual blood draw. | ||
| Oh, so they fuck with these cats and occasionally they shoot them and tranquilize them to draw blood from them. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| So they're always on high alert. | ||
| Because every year they get tranked. | ||
| Every year they get tranked! | ||
| Not the paranoid lions on set. | ||
| Don't trank me! | ||
| When I was in Thailand, let me tell you something about Thailand. | ||
| Oh yeah, tell us. | ||
| They have these tiger sanctuaries, and there's different kinds of tigers, okay? | ||
| There's the baby tigers that they actually let you be around, the little baby ones. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So cute. | ||
| And then there's the slightly older tigers where they let you be around, and there's a bunch of people around them. | ||
| And everyone's just kind of like, keeping a track of this little motherfucker, don't get crazy. | ||
| And then there's tigers that are drugged. | ||
| When they get after a certain age, the big ones, they're just drugged. | ||
| No ifs, ands, or buts about. | ||
| They're sitting there like this. | ||
| And you're like, oh no. | ||
| And then people go in and take pictures with the drugged cats. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, I get you want a selfie, but this ain't the way to do it. | |
| No, that's really bad. | ||
| Yeah, it was a bummer. | ||
| That is a bummer. | ||
| That was a bummer. | ||
| Only thing more depressing is the fact that Kim's keeping those plants inside her apartment. | ||
| Set them outside where they belong, bro. | ||
| Set them free. | ||
| Not my prisoner, Monstera. | ||
| Let them free. | ||
| I'm going to get canceled for a Monstera. | ||
| Free the plant! | ||
| If the whole world becomes a city, what do we do with tigers? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, if the whole world becomes a city, do they just only exist in zoos? | ||
| That is a sad thought. | ||
| Can you imagine how crazy that would be? | ||
| I think we... | ||
| If overpopulation really does hit some insane tipping point with technology where we can just expand, we can make food out of thin air, and everybody's happy. | ||
| 3D prints a hamburger. | ||
| Everybody just keeps fucking and keeps shitting out kids, and we just spread them all over the country. | ||
| All over the world. | ||
| Shitting out kids. | ||
| Every patch of land everywhere. | ||
| Just sneezing out babies. | ||
| More kids in Missouri. | ||
| More kids in Orlando. | ||
| We realize that once we're connected to the global hive mind, that the more people there are, the smarter we get. | ||
| So if we could just get more people, the more people we get, we could achieve God status. | ||
| But we have to have like an extra hundred billion people. | ||
| But this is my question. | ||
| Isn't the sperm getting less potent? | ||
| Is that what you say? | ||
| Are you a connoisseur? | ||
| Are you a sommelier of Steve Haynes? | ||
| I say sperm sommelier. | ||
| I'll let you know. | ||
| It's like a lot less tangy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot less dense these days. | |
| Sperms changed, you know. | ||
| Tastes a lot less potent these days. | ||
| I used to date a lot of guys who were into kimchi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me tell you. | |
| Those days of fermentation. | ||
| I don't know why the sperm tastes like skim milk now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Skim milk. | |
| Skimming skim milk. | ||
| Yeah, it's not a good time for morale. | ||
| It's a bad time for sperm. | ||
| A lot of guys need to join a CrossFit gym. | ||
| Pineapple juice. | ||
| We need to get going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, supposedly sperm's dropping. | ||
| Yeah, so... | ||
| But that's supposedly, at least by Dr. Shanna Swan. | ||
| She wrote a book about it called Countdown. | ||
| And it's about plastics, microplastics. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| BPA's taking away the sperm, okay? | ||
| Not just that. | ||
| It's like, fuck it with people's reproductive systems. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Cool, cool, cool. | ||
| There's some real evidence that point to that's what happens with mammals. | ||
| You know, it's interesting that the tank gets smaller. | ||
| That's how they find out that there's some sort of feminizing going on. | ||
| Is that in mammals, that's one of the best ways to tell. | ||
| Like when you're looking at a gerbil, what is that? | ||
| A gerbil's taint? | ||
| Is that a vagina or a penis? | ||
| It's so small. | ||
| Well, the size of the taint. | ||
| Because the male taint is 50 to 100% larger than the female's taint. | ||
| The gap is wider. | ||
| You guys have a lot of land over there. | ||
| A lot of useless land. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of free space. | ||
| Space is like a guy's dick and his assholes like America. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a lot of stuff that you could do a lot of things with. | ||
| You're like, what's this overpopulation when you fly over the Bayer Canyon? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a location problem. | ||
| I'm just going to leave everybody here. | ||
| This is a lot of space. | ||
| It's not a space issue. | ||
| You bitches need to make new cities. | ||
| But anyway, it shrinks. | ||
| The introduction of these things called phthalates, they somehow or another fuck with the reproductive systems of mammals. | ||
| And one of the things that happens is that their taints become smaller. | ||
| The BPA is taking the taint. | ||
| The penises become smaller, testicles, sperm count drops. | ||
| Let me tell you, I've had some guys with some BPA issues. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also with women, there's more miscarriages. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah, with women, it seems like it's harder, like, statistically since your introduction of these things. | ||
| It just got real when you said miscarriage. | ||
| Yeah, because if you go back to when they first started having these petrochemical products and people started having plastic in their world most of the time, there's a correlating, not necessarily causing, but there's a correlating drop in sperm count that goes like this. | ||
| It's also like culture. | ||
| It's also hard times make hard men. | ||
| These are fucking soft times. | ||
| They make soft men. | ||
| Soft men make hard times. | ||
| We're like in that spot. | ||
| We're in that spot. | ||
| I'm sick of these soft men making these hard times, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| Can we switch it and reverse it? | ||
| Hard men, soft times. | ||
| The problem is these hard men in other parts of the world. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| And they see some of the nonsense that goes on in this country and they're like, these people are ripe for the picking. | ||
| Let's invent TikTok and captivate the younger audience. | ||
| But like TikTok in China, like the youth is getting smarter. | ||
| Their TikTok algorithms are better and ours are just dancing. | ||
| Yeah, they're celebrating like science achievements and martial arts. | ||
| They have a different algorithm. | ||
| Here's my daily routine. | ||
| I think kids are not allowed to use it at night too. | ||
| I think it shuts off from like 10 p.m. | ||
| to 6 a.m. | ||
| for kids. | ||
| They tried to add a stem channel to TikTok now to make it seem like anyone's going over there. | ||
| Listen, you know what you did. | ||
| You're going to have to take away the funny video first because I'm not choosing between the two. | ||
| I am fascinated by people's quest for attention, that they'll find all sorts of different ways to read naughty books with their glasses on and with their boobs hanging out. | ||
| It's so, like, everybody's got their hook, you know? | ||
| Like, I'm the hot fisherwoman, and I'm the this and that, and I'm the guy who lives on the farm, and I'll tell you what it's like. | ||
| Everybody's got this, like, hook. | ||
| The ASMR thing? | ||
| People spring into the... | ||
| Love that. | ||
| You know what I love? | ||
| I love watching people fix things. | ||
| Like, take an old lighter and, like, refurbish it and bring it back to life and, like, clean it all off and shit. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| It's so satisfying. | ||
| It's satisfying. | ||
| Old watches. | ||
| I take an old watch out and clean it all. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I have the woman version of that where I like... | ||
| I have clean TikTok where I watch women clean things. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You love men clean, too! | |
| I have the complete opposite. | ||
| You like watching them clean stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Deep clean stuff. | ||
| And it's viral. | ||
| A lot of people watch, but it's satisfying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| The way that you liked building something, I liked watching cleaning. | ||
| I like watching zit popping videos. | ||
| Everybody does. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| Not you? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Dr. Pimple Popper? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, the best! | |
| She's the goat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's the goat! | |
| She's the one who recognized that there was a market for this. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| And when I watch it, it makes me salivate. | ||
| I'm like, yes, get rid of it all. | ||
| Tom Segura has a real problem with some of them. | ||
| And because of fucking doing your mom's house live, which of you guys have never done, you'll be so horrified at the videos that they dig up. | ||
| So every time I find a nasty zit, just some horrible one that she's got where it's just brown custard coming out and quartz coming out of some guy's back. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| It's satisfying to know the germs are leaving the bod. | ||
| It's weird, though. | ||
| It's like, how'd you let it stay in there that long? | ||
| That's what I know. | ||
| Why'd I get a horn growing out of your shoulder? | ||
| I start imagining it popping by accident in the wrong place, and then my imagination gets fucked. | ||
| It's like, now how many pimple popped things are there in the world? | ||
| It's weird when they pull ones out and it leaves a crater. | ||
| You had like a knot in there. | ||
| A crater. | ||
| You see those giant blackheads they pull out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She pulls them out. | |
| I want to see it, but then I don't want to see it. | ||
| Because now I'm left with a question. | ||
| After the next TikTok rolls around, it's like, what happened to the hole? | ||
| Did you guys fill up the hole? | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| Put a bandaid over it? | ||
| Does he just have a hole in his back now? | ||
| Well, if it's a woman, you just put a little makeup to fill the crater. | ||
| And sometimes you could see a crater. | ||
| A spackle? | ||
| Yeah, a little spackle when the makeup wears off. | ||
| Nothing worse than a spackled zit. | ||
| If they come up with real gene editing that allows people to be whatever the fuck they want to be, I want a blue-eyed baby like that. | ||
| No, like you now. | ||
| What if they get to the point where we can change genes on the fly? | ||
| I don't even know if this is physically possible. | ||
| I know they can edit embryos and they can do things. | ||
| Like these Chinese doctors supposedly got in trouble. | ||
| and it turned out to make the kids smarter. | ||
| And it was actually like what they were doing was like this kind of experimental thing to... | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, and like, I don't know. | ||
| We've talked about this and I still can't remember how they got to the... | ||
| How do you know babies are smarter? | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| You have to wait a solid 15 years on that one. | ||
| How many years? | ||
| At least 15. Remember Michael Jackson? | ||
| He was 12. I'd be like, there's something going on there. | ||
| I'll just get into a testable age. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What about Michio Kaku with his fucking particle collider in his garage? | ||
| He was in high school. | ||
| How would you know that they weren't going to be smart anyway? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That the CRISPR did it. | ||
| That's kind of what I was thinking. | ||
| In my hometown, there was a kid that got cancer, and they did something where they put dead HIV cells in her body, and then she got better. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And then I read one thing about it and I never heard anything again. | ||
| I know they're doing something like that with cancer. | ||
| They're doing something like that with, I think it's the herpes virus. | ||
| There's something with melanoma and the herpes virus where they're using... | ||
| I'm going to butcher this. | ||
| We have to read this. | ||
| I don't want to go any further. | ||
| Everyone's going to go try and get herpes now. | ||
| This is one of those things that a friend told me they did the therapy on him. | ||
| And he didn't go into details about it, but he said it saved his life. | ||
| So I said, really? | ||
| And so I promised him that I would look into it. | ||
| And so that's what I'm doing right now through Jamie. | ||
| That's also a funny way to get your friend not to make fun of your herpes. | ||
| Bro, I got it because I have cancer. | ||
| I was trying to cure my cancer. | ||
| I wasn't being a hoe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, actually, you're being rude to cancer. | |
| Isn't it crazy how many fucking diseases have killed people that came from having sex? | ||
| You really stop and think about it. | ||
| Syphilis killed everybody. | ||
| Everybody died of syphilis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the best things kill you. | ||
| They're getting holes in their face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to be killed by sugar. | ||
| I want to eat sugar. | ||
| Didn't Al Capone? | ||
| He got a syphilis too. | ||
| Syphilis? | ||
| There's billboards I see for like super STDs now and they get more powerful. | ||
| There was a billboard recently. | ||
| It was an iceberg and then it had the tip underneath and it said super gonorrhea. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's out there. | ||
| Medication resistant gonorrhea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's getting stronger. | ||
| Who's to blame? | ||
| I'm not saying. | ||
| You can't get me. | ||
| Oncolytic? | ||
| Oncolytic virus treatment has become a new trend in the cancer field in which oncolytic herpes simplex virus type 1 is a therapy. | ||
| Okay, so yeah, they are actually using it as a therapy. | ||
| Melanoma. | ||
| Yeah, that's what this gentleman was telling me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| My dad swears that shark fin oil cured my asthma. | ||
| Maybe dad just hates sharks and tries to come up with an excuse. | ||
| No, my dad's a fisherman and I had really bad asthma as a kid and this old Spanish woman told him to try shark fin oil and he did and I never was hospitalized again. | ||
| I never had to use an inhaler. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| What do you think is in shark fin that does that? | ||
| I don't know, but I've looked up shark fin. | ||
| It's not coincidental? | ||
| No, there's something in shark fin oil that's good for your life. | ||
| It pops up on Google as a holistic way to fix it, but I don't know what the... | ||
| My dad said, when I was a kid, I was in the hospital for like, University of Rochester, go below that. | ||
| University of Rochester, evidence points to fish oil to fight asthma. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Omega-3 fatty acids. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| He said a little old woman in Puerto Rico told him that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And she was asking about me and I was in the hospital for it. | ||
| So it's probably, should you eat fish oil in asthma in times of India? | ||
| Omega-3 fatty acid or fish oil helps in reduction of excess immunoglobin antibodies that cause inflammation of the airwaves leading to an asthma attack. | ||
| That's why I want a shark tattoo. | ||
| So it's omega-3s. | ||
| So that's fish oil. | ||
| You could probably get that from all kinds of oil. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He didn't have to kill a shark? | ||
| No. | ||
| But they probably realized that sharks were cunts. | ||
| They'll fucking bite you when you're surfing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So why not? | ||
| For the oil. | ||
| People love sharks now. | ||
| It's like one of them weird things. | ||
| Jaws had everybody hating sharks. | ||
| Like, fucking kill them! | ||
| Kill them all! | ||
| But now everyone's like, don't kill the sharks. | ||
| What about the fins? | ||
| It's their ocean. | ||
| It's their home, not yours. | ||
| Yeah, that's nutty talk. | ||
| We own this bitch. | ||
| This is ours. | ||
| If you want to go back to living in a cave and fighting off bears... | ||
| I'm like, guess who can live in both? | ||
| Go right ahead. | ||
| It's my ocean and my land. | ||
| Yeah, shut your mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll go in there with submarines and nuke everything. | |
| Did the shark fill the tank on wheels and come into fucking L.A.? No. | ||
| They didn't figure it out quick enough. | ||
| They should have been on the ball. | ||
| We win. | ||
| Yeah, sorry. | ||
| I see what you guys do to dolphins, you cunts. | ||
| Sharks are monsters. | ||
| They do that to everybody. | ||
| Everybody they can bite. | ||
| Seals, whales. | ||
| It would be cool if sharks could fly. | ||
| No, it would not. | ||
| It would be fucking terrifying. | ||
| Okay, bad idea, bad idea. | ||
| Sharknado, right? | ||
| That's what happens in that movie? | ||
| Sharks landed and bit people. | ||
| It was one of them preposterous movies. | ||
| I gotta tell you, though, if you grew up with liars, it's not that crazy. | ||
| If you grew up with people that lie to you all the time, it's not that crazy to believe that other people lie to you as well. | ||
| No one would want the world to be flat more than me. | ||
| I think it would be hilarious. | ||
| I think it would be hilarious if this whole thing was God playing a joke on us. | ||
| Like, yeah, oh, you figured out space, did you? | ||
| Oh, did you figure out space? | ||
| Congratulations! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What, you sent a telescope up into my fake sky that I created to fool you? | |
| He's like, I changed the scope in the sky! | ||
| You dummy. | ||
| I showed you what I wanted you to see. | ||
| That's why you're seeing UFOs. | ||
| That's technological Jesus. | ||
| Tech Jesus. | ||
| I'm hoping for tech Jesus to rescue us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His comes in with house music. | |
| Not Jesus coming in with house music to pick us up. | ||
| Such a fucking silly time for human beings. | ||
| Such a silly time. | ||
| For no reason. | ||
| I feel like there are always spurts of a lot of UFO sightings at once. | ||
| My mom and my stepdad swear they had a UFO experience in Costa Rica where they were recording and they said that their camcorder shut off and they said all the sounds around them, they were walking to a waterfall, they said everything stopped. | ||
| The birds stopped, the music stopped, they said the water stopped. | ||
| It went dead silent and the camera stopped and they had the footage of the camera stopping and then everything came back on like five seconds later. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| They saw nothing. | ||
| They said, my mom thought something was medically wrong with her. | ||
| She was like, I thought something was happening to my hearing. | ||
| And then I looked over and she was like, your stepdad was pale. | ||
| Because everything just went dead. | ||
| And then came back 10 seconds later. | ||
| And then they can hear the kids and the people and the tourists. | ||
| I would not like it if my life experience just got muted in real time. | ||
| And then came back. | ||
| You guys should watch this movie, Moment of Contact. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's a movie about a crash in Brazil. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| In 1996. Okay. | ||
| In Varginha, Brazil. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it's by the guy, James Fox, who made The Phenomenon, which is another amazing movie on UFOs. | ||
| But this movie that he made about Varginha, Brazil, the crash is like very heavily documented. | ||
| There's documentation of U.S. Air Force flying in and supposedly picking something up that they think was wreckage or something like that and flying out with it. | ||
| One of the soldiers apparently had picked up one of the organisms that was there and they carried it in their car and drove it. | ||
| To some hospital, to another hospital. | ||
| They have documentation of them taking this thing in. | ||
| They have the people that did the autopsy on the soldier who died of some insane infection that they had never seen ever before. | ||
| He died of some insane bacteria. | ||
| He's like a young guy. | ||
| He was dead very quickly. | ||
| He should have been wearing glasses. | ||
| Ahh! | ||
| Goggles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goggles. | |
| Not a goggle callback. | ||
| But if you're into UFOs, this is one of the best ones I've ever seen. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| That sounds cool. | ||
| Because the whole town is convinced that this happened. | ||
| There's so many people that have witness experience that they say, like the whole town revolves around this, like there's a lore to it that revolves around this one time where this UFO crashed. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's fucking wild because when you see these people and you see the people that like when it happened, like when they put a camera on and they brought this guy back to the crash site and the guy starts crying, he's like weeping, talking about where it was and like what it was like to see this thing. | ||
| We gotta watch this. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I get scared. | ||
| I feel like whenever we watch things about them, I feel like the plant thing you said, I feel like they know. | ||
| Like Zuck. | ||
| Oh, they know. | ||
| Like Zuck. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like they're Zuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like Elon and Zuck. | |
| They're playing us from both sides. | ||
| They're exactly like Zuck. | ||
| They're the Biden of Trump of the fucking super aliens. | ||
| I used to feel like that when I watched alien movies. | ||
| I feel like they can feel us watching them. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| Well, if I was an alien, that's how I would do it. | ||
| I would infiltrate and I would take little people and I'd put alien thoughts into their little minds. | ||
| I would like some alien thoughts. | ||
| Maybe that's what thoughts are. | ||
| Maybe thoughts are like a life form. | ||
| We just don't appreciate them. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| I've never thought of that. | ||
| Think of ideas, right? | ||
| Everything that we have in front of us, everything, the table, the mugs, the microscope, the microphones rather, the phones that you text each other on, all those came from ideas. | ||
| Somebody had an idea and then physical reality came out of that idea and they made a thing. | ||
| And then more ideas come and And then you make more things, and you say, look at all the things that I've done. | ||
| Look at all the things that I've done. | ||
| Well, it kind of feels like that with a joke, too. | ||
| When people are like, where does a joke come from? | ||
| And I'm like, I've explained it once or twice, and I'm like, it literally like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Mine's always like at 2 in the morning, and I'm like, fuck, it's not funny. | ||
| Go back to bed, bitch. | ||
| Then I'm like, it's funny! | ||
| I gotta get up and write that shit down! | ||
| If you don't get up and write that shit down, you'll never sleep. | ||
| You'll look like I'm such a loser. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was in the middle of saying something the other day and someone interrupted me and it slipped through my fingers. | ||
| It's been driving me crazy for like two days. | ||
| That's the worst! | ||
| I knew there was something there. | ||
| There's like this spark. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's how to... | ||
| And then someone else was asking me questions. | ||
| You solved the answer to why we were here for a second. | ||
| It was just a joke. | ||
| And then some dude's like, so how are you liking Austin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Where's the best pizza? | ||
| Is Terryplex really it? | ||
| Some dude came up the other day. | ||
| He goes, what do you do for discipline? | ||
| How do you get disciplined? | ||
| You don't get it from this conversation. | ||
| My favorite thing to do is when people are like, how do you think your jokes? | ||
| I go like this. | ||
| It just stops the whole conversation. | ||
| You point to this guy and they don't ask you another question. | ||
| I get them from Jesus. | ||
| Imagine if it was real. | ||
| It might be cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, if you do have a muse... | |
| If you do think that your creativity comes from a muse, it will work if you just treat it like it's a muse. | ||
| That's the whole premise of the Steven Pressfield book, The War of Art. | ||
| I haven't read that one. | ||
| I just started reading the Rick Rubin one. | ||
| Yeah, we got a stack of them. | ||
| It's a very small book. | ||
| It's a real easy read. | ||
| But it's basically like if you just treat it like, you know, there was always the concept of the muse. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Concept of the muse that some deity comes to you and bestows upon you these ideas. | ||
| Pressfield's argument is that if you just treat it like it is a muse, if you really pay respects to it and show up every day and try to communicate with the muse, it will show up. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's actually real, yeah. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Is it your... | ||
| Is it like... | ||
| Is that a... | ||
| Like the idea of a muse, is that just a scaffolding that we can put up to support our... | ||
| The reality that we know is that hard work and concentration and just immersing yourself in this task will eventually yield results, just like everything else. | ||
| Just getting in shape by, like, you want to learn how to swim, you have to swim. | ||
| If you want ideas, you got to sit down and work on ideas. | ||
| Yeah, but whatever it is, it already exists, and then when you put yourself in that space, you just open up yourself to receive it. | ||
| You get in flow when you're in flow state. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| It's like, what is it? | ||
| When you come up with a good joke, when you have this idea, when you're in your car and you're like, It's in the car a lot. | ||
| It is a lot. | ||
| Especially if you have the radio off. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Driving in silence is huge for me. | ||
| In the car, in the shower, in bed. | ||
| Those are my three spots. | ||
| This car that I used to love to drive at the Comedy Store. | ||
| This 1993 Porsche RS America. | ||
| It has no power steering. | ||
| It has no radio. | ||
| No brakes. | ||
| It has awesome brakes. | ||
| There's no radio. | ||
| It's not even that fast, but it's just this raw mechanical thing. | ||
| And when I drive it, there's no music. | ||
| I just think. | ||
| And you're heightened. | ||
| Your senses are heightened because of the sounds. | ||
| And you're holding on to the steering wheel because there's no power steering. | ||
| No, fuck. | ||
| It's almost like meditative. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you're tapping into that flow-like state and you're present. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Driving is meditative. | |
| You ever get somewhere and you're like, I don't even... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't know who was behind the wheel. | ||
| Especially if you're in a good place. | ||
| Someone drove, not me. | ||
| Let's not go fast. | ||
| Let's just chill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just get there. | |
| When you're chill driving. | ||
| Normal speed. | ||
| Normal speed. | ||
| Accept the time. | ||
| Don't get in the left lane. | ||
| Don't get in the left lane, you fucking psycho. | ||
| Don't you do it. | ||
| Why are you going 90? | ||
| Why are you going 90, Kim? | ||
| I'm getting excited. | ||
| Where are you girls living now? | ||
| I live in Hollywood. | ||
| Still living in Hollywood? | ||
| Do you drive a lot? | ||
| Yeah, I live in a canyon. | ||
| You live in a canyon? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You need something like a Mustang. | ||
| You need a modern Mustang. | ||
| You need something fast. | ||
| Kim Congdon. | ||
| No, she doesn't. | ||
| I think you do. | ||
| This bitch does not need a need for speed. | ||
| I want a truck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Not me. | ||
| I'll take a Fiat. | ||
| A Fiat? | ||
| I don't want a small truck. | ||
| But I want it to be small. | ||
| A mini Cooper. | ||
| Small and red. | ||
| Like a Tacoma. | ||
| Uh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tacoma. | |
| You want like a pickup truck truck? | ||
| Yeah, and I want like a cute truck. | ||
| A cute truck? | ||
| Yeah, a vintage truck. | ||
| A vintage truck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A small red Chevy. | |
| Like an old Bronco. | ||
| Like an old red Chevy. | ||
| Oh, like an old Blazer. | ||
| Like a 56 Chevy? | ||
| Something I could wear this jumpsuit in. | ||
| Those are unwieldly. | ||
| They what? | ||
| They're unwieldly. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| They're very difficult to drive. | ||
| Yeah, they're just in movies for when you're teaching a girl to drive on some back road. | ||
| In a country song. | ||
| The reality is if you get an old car like that, it's going to have old car steering. | ||
| They're not fun to drive. | ||
| It's very sloppy. | ||
| You want power steering, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how cute that is. | |
| It'll have power steering. | ||
| It's like power steering from whatever year that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that one. | |
| The one to the right in the middle. | ||
| That one. | ||
| What year is that? | ||
| I want something like that. | ||
| It says old. | ||
| It doesn't even know what year it is. | ||
| What year do you think that is? | ||
| Let's Google 1964. Okay, 64. Let's go 1964 Chevy truck. | ||
| See what they look like. | ||
| That might be it. | ||
| You might be on to something. | ||
| Those are fresh. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Like how clean is that to pull up in that? | ||
| Oh, look at that one in the upper left hand corner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, don't get it. | |
| It'll hurt me. | ||
| I can hear him. | ||
| Joe, get Jim Morrison's. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I want. | ||
| Oh, look at that thing. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That is so cute. | ||
| It is so cute, right? | ||
| Like, I want to go to the farmer's market in that, bitch. | ||
| I know! | ||
| I want to buy flowers and have it sitting in the passenger seat. | ||
| You'd be that wacky lady who writes jokes. | ||
| Sunflowers with sunflowers in her Chevy. | ||
| I think Whitney just got a really beautiful truck like that, too. | ||
| A brown one. | ||
| She probably doesn't even remember. | ||
| She left it at Avril Lavigne's. | ||
| She left it wherever Jim Morrison's Mustang is. | ||
| She has the Mustang, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She probably does. | |
| If you're looking for Jim Morrison's Mustang. | ||
| I'm surprised for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's gonna find it. | |
| She put it in Whitney's doghouse. | ||
| It's her dog bed. | ||
| He sleeps in it at night. | ||
| We'll just stick her on this project. | ||
| She'll figure it out. | ||
| She'll find it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She'll have the truck. | |
| She'll know where it is. | ||
| She'll know where it is. | ||
| We need her to find Morrison's Mustang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Just make her do a documentary on it. | ||
| She'll find it. | ||
| She'll be pounded on doors. | ||
| She'll find that fucking mustache. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's got that fucking mustache? | |
| Who's got the mustache? | ||
| She'll like trace it out. | ||
| There's only 2,000 of them. | ||
| It wasn't that hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's exactly what she'd say. | |
| She would just go into this fucking graph. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She would literally say it wasn't that hard. | |
| Yeah, he's dead, so we checked his property. | ||
| I knew that last night in the middle of the night. | ||
| She's got fucking night vision on and shit. | ||
| Where do you find a Mustang? | ||
| A garage, you idiot. | ||
| She's like talking to you like you couldn't find it. | ||
| And while I was there, on my way there, I did rescue a wolf. | ||
| I have a new piglet. | ||
| I hope it gets long with my pit bulls. | ||
| Yeah, she's crazy. | ||
| But that, like, that barn find thing's a real thing. | ||
| They find people, like, leave these cars in their barns that are vintage, beautiful cars that are worth, like, shit tons of money. | ||
| Let's go barn hunting. | ||
| Yeah, there's a thing called barn finds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barn diving? | |
| Barn diving. | ||
| Dumpster diving? | ||
| You don't have to dive. | ||
| No, they find someone's dad dies, and then they go back to the farm where the dad lives in Ohio, and dad had three or four crazy old mopars sitting in his backyard. | ||
| But how come these people don't know the value of it? | ||
| Because they're farmers. | ||
| They're out there just fucking trying to eke out a living. | ||
| They don't have time to be on the internet, pay attention to all this stupid shit. | ||
| But they're on barn finds. | ||
| That seems deep enough to me. | ||
| They don't even think about it. | ||
| They just leave them in there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They're like, yeah, that's granddad's junker. | ||
| Especially if they have a farm that's successful. | ||
| Yeah, they don't care. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about these things. | ||
| They're just sitting out there. | ||
| They're kind of cool to look at. | ||
| Catch me finding my truck. | ||
| You know, imagine if you grew up on that farm, you can go check out those old cars. | ||
| That's kind of fresh. | ||
| Ooh, look at that Barracuda. | ||
| Look at that 1970 Barracuda. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Wow. | ||
| You can fix that one. | ||
| That one you can fix. | ||
| Look at the patina on that bitch. | ||
| I want a cool car like that. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| A lot of people like to do with cars like that. | ||
| See that car right there? | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Just fix it up, but don't change the paint. | ||
| Leave that. | ||
| Oh, that's kind of cool. | ||
| Leave that old school shit on it. | ||
| Leave that old school shit. | ||
| The stank, yeah. | ||
| Put a modern Hemi in that motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That one? | |
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a 1971. 1971 convertible. | ||
| $700,000 at auction. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| They drive terrible. | ||
| They're terrible. | ||
| The brakes are terrible, everything. | ||
| The steering's terrible. | ||
| But you can fix them. | ||
| They do stuff to them now. | ||
| You can make it so you can drive it. | ||
| I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I always remember my friend Kelsey Hoshard in third grade would say, my dad drives an 82-old Cutlass with a roll cage. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| She would say that all the time, and I was like, that sounds fucking dope. | ||
| That sounds like a psycho. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Pull it up, Jamie. | ||
| What year is it? | ||
| 82 Cutlass? | ||
| 82 Olds Cutlass with a roll cage. | ||
| So he had a roll cage and an 82. Oh, I know. | ||
| But her dad was cool. | ||
| That's a Grand National. | ||
| Oh, that's kind of sick. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| What's a roll cage? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They raced them? | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's a NASCAR one though, right? | ||
| That's like a fake car. | ||
| Is it that cage? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Dude, you're driving to school in NASCARs. | ||
| He would build recliners that were chairs and drive them through the town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was crazy. | |
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| You know, that's how they found Bob Lazar. | ||
| Supposedly, that's the Bob Lazar story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He put a jet engine on a Honda when he was young. | ||
| And they were like, what is this motherfucker doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| A jet engine on a Honda? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when they were, yeah, he was working, supposedly working at Los Alamos Labs. | ||
| It's disputed, but he's on the employee roster. | ||
| But he knows his way around the building. | ||
| It seems like he worked there. | ||
| That's his story. | ||
| He says he worked there. | ||
| A lot of people from there say he didn't. | ||
| But the bottom line was this guy, at the time, built a fucking car with a rocket engine in the back. | ||
| He had a jet engine in the back of his car. | ||
| He was like a propulsions expert. | ||
| He just was super genius. | ||
| And this is the guy that supposedly they recruited and took to the middle of the Nevada desert and tried to have him back engineer UFOs. | ||
| Jet tube. | ||
| It's a crazy compelling story. | ||
| Because if the guy's telling the truth that the government has been in possession of these things. | ||
| He did your show, right? | ||
| He did the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did? | |
| It's an amazing conversation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| My dad sent me the clips from it. | ||
| Because I'm like, I'm so fucking, I'm such a sucker that I'm like, come on, I want it to be real so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So part of me is like, why do you want it to be real so bad? | ||
| Like, why is it so like, and then part of me is like, where's the bullshit? | ||
| Come on, show me some bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He doesn't waver. | ||
| He might be the best bullshitter that's ever bullshitted, you know, but he seems like he's being sincere. | ||
| So maybe he's crazy and he has this false memory that's impossible to shake. | ||
| Do you ever listen to Art Bell? | ||
| That's not his car, is it? | ||
| CRX? Lazar? | ||
| Being sold as a Bob Lazar tribute mini thing. | ||
| Oh, is that really? | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe, I don't know if he's a part, that could be like people being silly. | ||
| Yeah, okay, could be. | ||
| Do you ever listen to Art Bell? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of the fucking greatest joys of my life, I got to be a guest on the Art Bell show. | ||
| You got to be on the Art Bell show? | ||
| Who's Art Bell? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Art Bell was the fucking man. | |
| He was the man. | ||
| Like, radio show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| If you get up at the show late at night, we'd leave the comedy store. | ||
| And I'd be driving home and I'd listen to Art Bell. | ||
| Coast to coast with Art Bell. | ||
| Coast to coast. | ||
| And a guy would call up, Art, I'm a werewolf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd be like, tell me more. | |
| No. | ||
| That's so fun. | ||
| It was the best. | ||
| He had a time traveler line where you could only call in if you were a time traveler. | ||
| He's so cool looking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The Kingdom of Nigh. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Oh wait, I feel like I've heard. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And he had Terrence McKenna on. | ||
| I listened to that episode. | ||
| Oh, he had amazing episodes of Terrence McKenna. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was incredible, man. | ||
| How long did he go for? | ||
| Oh, forever. | ||
| He died recently. | ||
| Oh, so sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all on. | |
| You can get it all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Art Bell. | |
| Yeah, you can find it online. | ||
| You went on his show? | ||
| 2018 he died? | ||
| Yeah, I went on his show. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| It was dope as fuck. | ||
| Uh, so yeah, accidental drug overdose. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| He was partying. | ||
| Maybe he was just fancy. | ||
| He was having a good time. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he bought a fucking, maybe he had a bad back and someone gave him a pill like Tom Petty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| That's sad. | ||
| Yeah, these guys- I wish Tom Petty was still here. | ||
| I would have loved to see Tom Petty live. | ||
| Did you ever get to see Tom Petty? | ||
| No, never got to see him live. | ||
| That would have been an experience. | ||
| So many talented people died from that shit. | ||
| From fentanyl? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Prince. | ||
| Who was it recently that died from it? | ||
| Coolio. | ||
| Coolio? | ||
| I forgot about that. | ||
| I just remembered Coolio died again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's traumatic to go through twice. | ||
| Coolio was on Fear Factor. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He won. | ||
| He won high as Jesus on the space shuttle. | ||
| He was so high. | ||
| He was so high. | ||
| I went to his trailer. | ||
| It was like a running joke on set. | ||
| He would open his trailer. | ||
| It was like a Cheech and Chong movie. | ||
| He was just getting blazed all day long. | ||
| Just getting blazed and running in circles around everybody. | ||
| In the end, the final thing, I remember asking him... | ||
| They were like, no more weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're too good. | |
| Like, why do you think you're going to win? | ||
| And he was like, because I've done this before. | ||
| I've lived this life. | ||
| I've lived in many universes. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And it sounded so good. | ||
| I was like, I love what you're saying. | ||
| Wait, I kind of actually specifically remember this episode. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember what they left in there. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| I don't remember, but it was before that that he said... | ||
| Was this the flying the cars through the air? | ||
| I don't remember what they did, but I do know that three of these people are dead now. | ||
| Chyna, she's dead now. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Kelly Preston, she's dead now. | ||
| I forgot about Chyna. | ||
| And Coolio's dead now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Good news, David Hasselhoff's still with us. | ||
| Thank god. | ||
| When I was a kid, David Hasselhoff's kids went to the same camp as me and my sister, and he used to drop off his kids, and it was like a big deal because Baywatch was on, and he would show up in like a muscle tank. | ||
| And my sister went over to their house for a play date. | ||
| It was a whole thing. | ||
| All the moms were hot for... | ||
| Yeah, I was jealous. | ||
| I was like, you went to David Hasselhoff's house? | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| He was like a gigantic music star in Germany? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yeah, Germany. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah, like fucking huge. | ||
| Something about him in Germany. | ||
| They're like, we get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We get this. | |
| You know? | ||
| It's like Jerry Lewis. | ||
| Jerry Lewis was huge in France. | ||
| I don't know why, but that makes sense. | ||
| Sometimes it just pops like that. | ||
| That makes sense for him. | ||
| That would be fun to be big in another country. | ||
| Specifically in Germany. | ||
| I'm huge in profit. | ||
| Look at like Arge Barker. | ||
| Arge Barker's gigantic in Australia. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| He's from America. | ||
| American comic. | ||
| Funny guy. | ||
| This is David Hasselhoff in Germany. | ||
| Slaying! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Unsch Spectacular! | ||
| Love this! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love this. | |
| This is my jam. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| The Germans are all in. | ||
| The Germans are on. | ||
| Make us clap in tune. | ||
| Make us clap in tune. | ||
| They like that. | ||
| They're like being told what to do. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| These are happy Germans? | ||
| Look at them all clapping. | ||
| They're all clapping together. | ||
| There they go. | ||
| They're thinking about engineering the best BMW right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they're all doing. | |
| They're busy. | ||
| They're busy. | ||
| Isn't it amazing? | ||
| Think about all the crazy shit that's come out of Germany. | ||
| There's so much crazy shit. | ||
| Some of the best automobiles that have ever been designed. | ||
| They push the limits of everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The 82 Olds Cutlass? | |
| BMWs! | ||
| BMW, Mercedes, the cars that they were building, Porsche, Germany was building the wildest cars. | ||
| It's just bizarre that this one area had so many fucking top flight engineers. | ||
| They have a movie about it already, don't they? | ||
| Well, it's Ford versus Ferrari. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's not about that, though. | ||
| I don't think there's a movie about it, because it's all connected to the Nazis. | ||
| I'm a German. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's the issue. | |
| They're dumping a lot of money into R&D to make the superior products. | ||
| My grandpa was a Jew in Germany, and his whole family got killed in the Holocaust. | ||
| And he got put on a train and saved by Quakers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| And then he got adopted by the Weinshank family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah, so my grandpa was a Holocaust survivor. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Ari's dad's a Holocaust survivor. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| Yeah, Ari's dad is an old gentleman. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ari's like 70 then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ari's like 70. How old is Ari? | |
| Is what I'm wondering. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Start doing some math. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some guys don't want to tell you their age. | |
| Ari's timeless. | ||
| It's a funny thing, age. | ||
| My favorite thing to do with Ari is put my phone down and watch him try to get into it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I literally set a self-timer in my head and I'll watch him. | |
| His hand will slowly creep. | ||
| He can't help it. | ||
| His hand will just slowly creep out of his pocket. | ||
| I don't even think he knows. | ||
| It's like driving for us. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He's always fucking around. | ||
| He's always fucking around. | ||
| He's a fun dude. | ||
| He is. | ||
| I don't think he's doing his podcast anymore. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He should be. | |
| He's so funny. | ||
| We do protect our parks together. | ||
| Where me and Shane and Norman and Ari all get together and get hammered and say a bunch of atrocious things. | ||
| It's a ridiculous show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So fun. | |
| It's a ridiculous show. | ||
| So he still does that. | ||
| And he does other people's podcasts, but I think he's kind of done. | ||
| He's still updating it. | ||
| I mean, unless he stopped recording. | ||
| Why did I hear he's done? | ||
| Why am I spreading misinformation? | ||
| Today. | ||
| He put one out today with Dave Smith. | ||
| Who told me? | ||
| Someone told me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When you were saying that, though, I feel like I was remembering that same memory. | ||
| Maybe Ari was saying he was done with it, but I just Googled it, and he's putting them out once a week still. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We can talk him out of it still, then. | ||
| Because that's what he did. | ||
| I didn't know that that's where that was going. | ||
| It was a plot twist. | ||
| I meant it the other way. | ||
| I meant it the good way. | ||
| You talk them back in. | ||
| You talk them back in is what I meant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You girls are so mean. | |
| You immediately took it the wrong way. | ||
| So Ari quit doing his podcast a long time ago when he went on that walkabout. | ||
| Do you guys know Ari went on a walkabout in Asia for like four months by himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This crazy motherfucker. | ||
| When he fell off the grid. | ||
| He got a flip phone. | ||
| He got the flip phone. | ||
| This bitch got a flip phone, would occasionally check in through some internet cafe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd send a bird to Joe's window. | |
| He stole all of his information. | ||
| He had a birder account. | ||
| A crow would come drop off a fucking letter to Joe and have a tab of acid in it. | ||
| He's traveled around the countries. | ||
| Just like seeing Asia. | ||
| Ari's one of the most interesting people in the world. | ||
| He's a wild boy. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's a real wild boy. | ||
| Not that other fellow we were talking about. | ||
| I already forgot the other fellow. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Ari's a real wild boy. | ||
| Good kind. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| Yeah, there's him on the Great Wall of China holding up the Chinese flag. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| A lot of comics talk about stopping Asian hate. | ||
| Put that back up. | ||
| But I'm the only one in the comedy world willing to pledge my allegiance to the Chinese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| The Chinese fascist regime. | ||
| I, along with LeBron James, Joe Biden, are leading the way in doing business with the people who are leading the world in violence against Asians, but it's not the right kind of Asian, so it's fine. | ||
| I love you, China. | ||
| You're the great world leaders of our time. | ||
| Hashtag stop Asian hate. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Look at him just by himself. | ||
| That's one of the greatest poses ever, because he looks like shit. | ||
| You know, it's like the most unselfiest selfie pose. | ||
| He looks like he's seen some shit. | ||
| Well, he has been. | ||
| He's been eating street food for the last four months. | ||
| He came back and told us about gutter oil. | ||
| Did you know about gutter oil? | ||
| Maybe he told me about that before. | ||
| Anyway, that's where I remember it. | ||
| Was it from that time, from the walkabout? | ||
| He went over there to do shows, I think. | ||
| He did like three or four shows and came back and talked about it. | ||
| So he told us that there's a market for people that take sewage and process the oil out of sewage and resell it as cooking oil. | ||
| Because if you take raw sewage... | ||
| Oh, hell to the no. | ||
| I'm going to start fucking yakking just watching this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how I feel. | |
| If you start... | ||
| Wait, are we buying? | ||
| I'm just faking. | ||
| But it does make me gag. | ||
| But that's all sewage. | ||
| So they're boiling it and the oils come to the surface and somehow or another they separate the oils Are these the cooking oils? | ||
| Where are these going? | ||
| I don't know, but they're using it for food in places. | ||
| Like here, they're cooking food in it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm good on the gutter oil. | ||
| It seems like a lot of work. | ||
| But cooking oil is hard to get. | ||
| Here's a thought. | ||
| Where's cooking oil coming from? | ||
| What are you using? | ||
| There's avocado oil, there's a lot of oils that you use. | ||
| Those are expensive to extract from things. | ||
| You gotta go get them. | ||
| Or you gotta buy them, somebody does it in a factory, and then they sell it to you, and you got canola oil. | ||
| And now you have monkey slaves. | ||
| Yes, they say that they like enslave monkeys to go get coconuts in the trees, and it's their full-time jobs. | ||
| That sounds sad for the monkeys. | ||
| I know! | ||
| What's sadder? | ||
| That or all tigers being in zoos? | ||
| Not tigers versus monkeys. | ||
| All tigers being in zoos. | ||
| I think monkeys. | ||
| My grandmother had a monkey. | ||
| What? | ||
| Did it eat her face? | ||
| The monkey's name was Chi-Chi. | ||
| Chi-Chi used to bite people. | ||
| I bet Chi-Chi did. | ||
| Nobody could go near Chi-Chi. | ||
| And what did the monkey do? | ||
| Well, the monkey bit... | ||
| I think the monkey bit... | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was my cousin. | ||
| It's one of those weird ones. | ||
| I blocked it out, I think, because I was very young. | ||
| I think I was probably like five. | ||
| And the monkey was wild. | ||
| And she had a monkey, and the monkey would open pieces of gum, like undo the wrapping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, this is wild. | |
| In your face. | ||
| But the monkey did not like kids, and she did not like anybody coming over the house that was going to take attention from the monkey. | ||
| The monkey had a relationship with my grandmother. | ||
| I don't need a scorned monkey. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| So after the monkey bit one of the relatives, they had to get rid of the monkey. | ||
| I don't know what they did. | ||
| I'm glad they got rid of it. | ||
| Because you know some crazy people, they keep the monkey after it attacks. | ||
| Yeah, my grandmother was pretty eccentric. | ||
| But I don't think she was that eccentric. | ||
| She had a monkey. | ||
| She did have a monkey. | ||
| Let's go back to baseline. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| My grandmother was wild. | ||
| When you put your monkey in overalls... | ||
| You know it's time. | ||
| Yeah, that's an issue. | ||
| Was he in like a Hawaiian shirt? | ||
| My grandmother did time. | ||
| Because she wouldn't rat out the mob. | ||
| She was running numbers. | ||
| So my grandmother worked for this... | ||
| Because the monkey was running the numbers on the calculator. | ||
| No, my grandmother was doing it. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And then she's like, I don't know nothing. | ||
| They put her in jail. | ||
| So we were always like, where's grandma? | ||
| And they were like, oh, grandma's visiting Aunt Jeannie. | ||
| For five years? | ||
| Some aunt. | ||
| She'll be back eventually. | ||
| How much time? | ||
| Knitting fucking sweaters for the guards. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| How much time did she do? | ||
| I think she did like six months. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She did some time. | ||
| She's not a rat. | ||
| But that's what they used to have back then. | ||
| That was the neighborhood lottery. | ||
| It was called the numbers. | ||
| My grandmother was always talking about the numbers. | ||
| Wait, I remember this. | ||
| She was always talking about missing the number. | ||
| In Puerto Rico, they're still doing that. | ||
| I just went. | ||
| They still do it. | ||
| I bet they do it in Miami. | ||
| I bet they do it in a lot of immigrant communities. | ||
| They trust the numbers. | ||
| They trust the people running the numbers more than they trust the state lottery. | ||
| It makes so much more sense. | ||
| Yeah, and people win. | ||
| It's a real thing. | ||
| Obviously, the mobs getting their cut, and the people who run it are getting their cut, but it does work. | ||
| I don't understand how it works, because they come up to you with a binder, and there's a bunch of things laminated, and they're like, pick one, and if we win, we'll find you. | ||
| It's like, where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Where? | ||
| We're at a bar. | ||
| It's 2 p.m. | ||
| Where will I see you again? | ||
| I just have this coupon. | ||
| I gave you $100. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If I meet someone with a binder and laminated pages, I'm walking away. | ||
| No, because they said my uncle used to win all the time. | ||
| You know where they get you? | ||
| Where? | ||
| At the airport. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because at the airport, you're already following instructions. | ||
| At the airport, you're used to listening to people. | ||
| You go into a mindset. | ||
| You go into a mindset of you have to be disciplined, stay in the line, can't talk loud, put all your stuff down. | ||
| I almost got trafficked at the airport. | ||
| I saw some guy was like, taxi, taxi. | ||
| I go, okay. | ||
| She got into the rogue guy yelling taxi. | ||
| She got into the gypsy taxi. | ||
| And then I get in there and I go, where's the meter? | ||
| And he's like, there's not a meter. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, because this is not a real cab. | ||
| Give me back my stuff. | ||
| And he's like, that's fine. | ||
| I'm not going to take you anywhere. | ||
| There's cameras. | ||
| Look. | ||
| And I was like, give me back my stuff. | ||
| Cameras? | ||
| Oh, you're in control of those cameras. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're murdering me, you fucking psycho? | |
| Your cameras? | ||
| Oh, we're safe. | ||
| As long as you're filming this atrocity. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get into this mindset, I think, at the airport. | ||
| It's a unique place where everybody obeys. | ||
| Everybody listens. | ||
| Everybody gets in line. | ||
| Everybody has to take their belt off and all the other shit. | ||
| Take your shoes off. | ||
| Everybody has to do it. | ||
| So because you get into this mindset of you wait in line for whatever group number they're calling, and you find your seat, you put your bag up, you check your bag. | ||
| And you've given them all your money. | ||
| The flights are expensive. | ||
| You're waiting for your bags to come. | ||
| Everybody has to keep it together. | ||
| It's very rare that people don't keep it together at the airport. | ||
| Well, that's also why it has to be why they make it so expensive, too, because then you have something to lose. | ||
| They're like, you have to be able to fly. | ||
| I paid all this money. | ||
| We have to get there because I can't buy another one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you get all those people together, everybody kind of follows the rules. | ||
| It's one of the most follow-the-rules places in our society, is the airport. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| So when you leave there, and someone comes up to you with a binder, and this page, this nonsense story, and a bucket, open bucket with cash in it, you just want to like, what's going on? | ||
| Sarah, right before you got on the plane, what did you buy in Vegas after Skank Fest? | ||
| Don't bring it up. | ||
| Not to Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you buy? | |
| A timeshare. | ||
| You bought a timeshare? | ||
| She called me up, she's like... | ||
| They got you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like, we got a free trip, but we gotta go. | |
| I said, we, bitch. | ||
| I said, mommy bought a timeshare in Sedona, and she's taking... | ||
| She didn't say timeshare first. | ||
| I didn't know it was a timeshare. | ||
| Oh my god, I miss you, girl. | ||
| She calls me, Joe. | ||
| She calls me and she goes, Kim, you gotta get downstairs before you get on the flight. | ||
| There's a guy named Rick. | ||
| He's got a good deal for you, too. | ||
| It was after Skankfest! | ||
| It got us at our weak point. | ||
| It was after Skankfest. | ||
| I was exhausted. | ||
| I was concussed. | ||
| That's when they get you in timeshares. | ||
| They don't use the word timeshare. | ||
| They call it a luxury vacation. | ||
| And I go, that sounds nice. | ||
| But they also lied to her and they said they knew about the festival she was at and they were doing a thing for the people at the festival. | ||
| Oh, they lied to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you told them you were at Skankfest. | ||
| Yeah, they were like, what are you like? | ||
| Everybody in Vegas is at Skankfest. | ||
| This is the project I'm working on. | ||
| Do you know about this bitch podcast? | ||
| Hi, fake Bono. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me tell you my story. | |
| Sarah gets got. | ||
| Listen, it happens. | ||
| I'm a trusting, lovable girl. | ||
| She is. | ||
| She's very lovable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| That's probably better than being an untrusting person. | ||
| There's a guy with his leg cut off. | ||
| I'm like, get away from me, scammer. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm like, la la la la la. | ||
|
unidentified
|
La la la la. | |
| Oh, what happened to your leg? | ||
| Remember at the beach, the old man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| The old man at the beach. | ||
| We were at the beach, and this old man came up, and he's talking to us, and we're petting his dog. | ||
| And you can tell he's this old Malibu rich dude, and he's like, yeah, I just wish I could. | ||
| She loves to run. | ||
| No, the dog. | ||
| Yeah, you talk about the dog. | ||
| She loves to run. | ||
| I wish I could run her up on the beach, but my knee hasn't worked for years. | ||
| And Sarah's like, I'll run her. | ||
| He's like, oh, you would? | ||
| And then Sarah's suddenly in this thong running this dog up and down the beach and the dude's so into it. | ||
| He was a pervert. | ||
| I thought I was helping out a nice man who needed his dog. | ||
| Yeah, it was a thing he does to young women. | ||
| And I watched it go down and I couldn't stop laughing because the dog was out of control too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was Beauregard. | |
| This is the best story ever. | ||
| Sarah's running. | ||
| She's in a snakeskin bathing suit. | ||
| This guy's like, keep running. | ||
| Is he filming this? | ||
| No, he's so perverted. | ||
| Was he filming it? | ||
| With his eyes. | ||
| Yeah, with his memory. | ||
| You probably couldn't believe you did it. | ||
| He was like, my knees are bad. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that sucks. | ||
| I'll walk your dog. | ||
| Yeah, he wasn't filming it, but it was in a bank of sorts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I saw right through it when he was talking to us because I'm looking around at all these young men that could help him run the dog up and down the beach and I'm like he's not coming up to us because we look athletic and we're gonna run the dog. | ||
| Maybe I do look athletic. | ||
| I get offended. | ||
| Not that we look unathletic but it was just very clearly a trick. | ||
| But she ran Beauregard and then the dog started snapping. | ||
| And you watched that trick go down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did you know it was a trick? | ||
| As soon as he started talking to us, the second he opened his mouth, I could see it in his horny ass eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, his horny ass eyes. | |
| Sarah has the heart of a nurse, so Sarah's like, his knees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His horny ass eyes. | |
| I look over, Sarah's rubbing CBD on his kneecaps. | ||
| Dude, if you ever do become a rapper, his horny ass eyes has to be your number one hit. | ||
| It took me by surprise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With them horny ass eyes. | |
| I thought it was a disguise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he gave me horny ass eyes. | |
| Yeah, Beauregard got your ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then after I go, yeah, that seemed weird. | ||
| She came back. | ||
| They were both... | ||
| Her and the dog were... | ||
| The dog didn't even want to run. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| The dog was like laying in the sand. | ||
| She was like dragging it. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| I hate exercise. | ||
| He's like, this is my 14th run in Malibu today. | ||
| This fucking pervert changes underwear three times. | ||
| Another hot bitch running me. | ||
| Can you imagine if that's your thing? | ||
| Like, some guys play golf. | ||
| This guy pretends he's hobbling on the beach for his girls to run with his dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Call me Jaden, but I've seen the old hobble before. | |
| That is... | ||
| But imagine if, like, that's your thing. | ||
| That's what you get up to do, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not getting up to play chess. | ||
| Can I tell you? | ||
| Can I tell you, Joe, as a woman, I mean, as a man, you would be surprised to see the tricks that have been trucked. | ||
| Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. | ||
| Men are disgusting. | ||
| Disgusting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mustache disguises, all the tricks in the book for some pussy, dude. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It is insane. | ||
| Well, if you really wanted to think about it, for a lot of men, women is... | ||
| They're not just other human beings, but they're other human beings that have this insane gift of immense pleasure. | ||
| They're so different than men. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And when you're a guy and women don't like you, it's baffling. | ||
| You're like, there's this thing that everybody wants, and if I could get that thing, I would have this insane pleasure. | ||
| Because like... | ||
| Remember the first time you were ever intimate with someone? | ||
| Like when you were young? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, this is so wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the whole, it's wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like all of a sudden you become like hugely addicted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To this like wild, weird feeling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now imagine if nobody wants to do that to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody. | |
| Then you write on YouTube and you say, you dumb bitch, you're not really smoking that blunt! | ||
| Now, here's the question. | ||
| Yeah, I'd take it out on a school hallway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If robot fuck dolls can fix that. | |
| Yes, we want that. | ||
| Is that what you want? | ||
| I would rather them f- Oh, wait. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| And then they're not hitting on us because they're fucking the bots? | ||
| Yeah, then they're done with you. | ||
| No, I don't like that either. | ||
| This lady who can speak five languages and she wears a miniskirt right now with no underwear on. | ||
| Yeah, go fuck her. | ||
| And she doesn't nag him. | ||
| Go fuck her. | ||
| She wants him to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She wants him to do it. | ||
| She's not like, take out the trash! | ||
| Yeah, she's not even human. | ||
| But then there's something that they'll always know that they couldn't... | ||
| There's still that thing. | ||
| There's still that disconnect. | ||
| For now, but ten years from now, when she looks exactly the same, and everybody else is ten years older, and then ten years from there, and then ten years from there, and she's exactly the same. | ||
| And this old dude's getting fucking IV infusions and baby blood. | ||
| And Matthew McConaughey's voice. | ||
| He's like, that's what I love about my sex robots. | ||
| I keep getting older. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, yeah, they do stay young. | ||
| Well, would you have a sex robot? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Uh, no. | ||
| You know what I think the real problem is? | ||
| It's not a sex robot. | ||
| The real problem is some sort of brain interface with a computer that allows you to have experiences that aren't real. | ||
| Like the movie Her? | ||
| Like sexual experiences. | ||
| I mean, any kind of experience. | ||
| Fantasy experiences. | ||
| Be a fucking Viking. | ||
| They're going to be able to give you a fake world in your brain. | ||
| You're going to be able to see it. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| It does seem like VR is so crazy that more, and it's like, I remember the first time I did VR, I remember the first thought I had was that it was going to be a problem. | ||
| Because I was like, this is cooler than the room I'm in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, I'd rather spend the day in this room. | ||
| It's weird because it's not there yet. | ||
| And it could also be a room. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You could be in a room, but just in a better room. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| So it feels like the walls feel the same, and everything looks the same. | ||
| Oh yes, this shit is crazy. | ||
| The grieving mother who got to see her daughter again. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| And it talks. | ||
| No, no, no, I'm not. | ||
| Whoa, okay, okay, that's so crazy. | ||
| That just sent a chill at my spine. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's the beginning of the end, folks, when you can't tell who's real and who's a computer-generated person that's saying amazing things to you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is bumming me out, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, that's sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sad. | |
| She got sad. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| But, happy part is, dudes can get... | ||
| Can nut. | ||
| Can nut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, mama. | |
| You're welcome, mommy. | ||
| I think these things that they're seeing is just like a little bit of haptic feedback in the gloves and then the visual of the VR. But I think it's eventually going to be inside your mind. | ||
| They're going to be able to hijack whatever it is that lets you see things and however your brain interprets things. | ||
| Just hijack that. | ||
| And fill it with other information. | ||
| Fill it with Avatar Land. | ||
| Fill it with, like, literal experiences that aren't real, but that are more vivid than the experiences that you have. | ||
| And then you're not going to know what's what anymore. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| Who knows what's real right now, anyways. | ||
| That might be already happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows what's real right now, according to CIA. It's all made up anyways. | ||
| That's what the CIA says? | ||
| Yeah, CIA.gov, the gateway process. | ||
| They said you can just make things up and it happens. | ||
| Yeah, they said manifestation's real, and you can astral project. | ||
| The hemisphere sink. | ||
| There's so much misinformation on this podcast, this could get us all canceled. | ||
| That's kind of our thing. | ||
| What are you saying the CIA does what? | ||
| I found it in a red thread like six years ago. | ||
| A red thread? | ||
| A red thread. | ||
| It's real, Jamie? | ||
| It's from the website. | ||
| I didn't want to ruin this for her, but... | ||
| Just because it is on the website, but that just means that they were investigating it and they have a record of investigating it. | ||
| Doesn't mean that it is real or is able to be recreated. | ||
| But we read it. | ||
| So that means it's that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So that means it's real? | |
| And what does it say? | ||
| Can I see it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I'll pull it. | ||
| I mean, we've talked about it before on here with other people. | ||
| I'm pretty sure of this. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| It's like the people who sit in a room and can see stuff. | ||
| They said that the CIA has been having meetings in the astral realm since 1995. Yeah. | ||
| I interviewed one of these guys. | ||
| This shit. | ||
| The biofeedback. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He tells you exactly how you can do it. | ||
| Like, he gives you a step-by-step. | ||
| He does the whole... | ||
| You know when you're in third grade and you do a science fair project and you have the hypothesis and he does the whole fucking thing. | ||
| He says what he thinks is gonna happen, then he fucking does it. | ||
| He tells you exactly what he used, the frequencies and the music he used. | ||
| He said you have to... | ||
| Meditate and listen to a specific frequency and once your brain connects the right and left It's called a hemisphere sync and that he describes exactly how think your thoughts become physical It was crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It was crazy It's so crazy What is this based on like where do you get this information? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I believed it because it was on the CIA website, and now Jimmy told me that they just investigated it. | ||
| So I guess my TikTok could be on there for all I know. | ||
| It's just one of those claims that someone made it, so they're like, all right, we'll check out what he's saying, and here's the report is kind of like what made it onto the website. | ||
| Seems like it is tasked to provide an assessment of the Gateway experience in terms of its mechanics and ultimate practicality. | ||
| As I set out to fulfill that, tasking it... | ||
| Soon became clear that in order to access the validity and practicality of the process, I need to do enough supporting research and analysis to fully understand how and why the process works. | ||
| So what is it saying though? | ||
| He said that he fucking did the research and he took the fucking time. | ||
| I read this whole thing front to back. | ||
| It took me like four weeks. | ||
| I had to Google a lot of words. | ||
| What did you get out of it? | ||
| I got out of it that he specifically went to a bunch of scientists, talked to a bunch of people. | ||
| He spent a really, really long time taking this seriously and that fucking all this shit that they're saying is real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So that somehow or another you can... | |
| Manifest things into reality with your mind. | ||
| With your mind and you can also travel the astral plane when you sync the left and right sides of your brain. | ||
| And he tells you how to link the left and right sides of your brain. | ||
| Does it have anything to do with your taint? | ||
| No. | ||
| I hope. | ||
| Your taint has to be a specific size. | ||
| You can't have a soft boy taint. | ||
| Left clip, top. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But basically, it's really crazy. | ||
| It said that, yeah, exactly. | ||
| It makes holographic patterns, and that's how your thoughts become reality, through holograms. | ||
| Through physical light holograms and they become real things. | ||
| I would love to have someone who actually could understand this shit go through it. | ||
| I wish we were smarter. | ||
| Eric Weinstein is screaming at the... | ||
| Valley Girl Science? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is actually the show we pitched to In-N-Out. | |
| Oh, Fake Bono? | ||
| Yes, us getting high and doing fake bad science. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was telling Fake Bono about. | ||
| We're all coming full circle. | ||
| How much do you think... | ||
| It affects, what is it? | ||
| How to escape the confines of time and space according to the CIA. In the 1980s, a spy agency investigated the gateway experience technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape space-time. | ||
| Here's everything you need to know. | ||
| So they looked into this. | ||
| They gave a woman, they also have people that could do telekinesis and stuff, and they gave a woman, they put in like a 10-digit code, and they put it in a locker room in another state, and the woman was able to leave her mind and go into the vault with the code they gave her physically, and then go in, and she could only, like most of the people that could do it, I think they said they had like 36 people that could do it, They could only bring back 8 out of 10 numbers. | ||
| It was always missing just a little bit. | ||
| Remote viewer in 1989, remote viewer Angela DeFloria Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. | ||
| She pinpoints his location as Lowell, Wyoming. | ||
| U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lowell. | ||
| See, it's always like a little off. | ||
| So it's a little off. | ||
| Lowell instead of Lowell. | ||
| See, she saw it in her head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And can I tell you when I can I tell you something crazy is when I first read it on reddit that when I first read it on reddit like eight years ago I I tried to go go back and reference this page I read and the page wasn't in it anymore there was a page missing and it was the one about magic wands yeah the magic wand page it's gone we've been looking for it if that turns out to be true and that You can affect reality with your mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why are we doing such a shitty job? | ||
| Because it takes a lot of... | ||
| It's like exactly what you said about, like, why doesn't everybody just do mushrooms and be chill? | ||
| It's like, because it's hard to get to that place because it almost feels better. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like the same way... | ||
| Being less aware? | ||
| Lower frequency? | ||
| What percentage... | ||
| There's also a lot of luck involved. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, different factors in how you get somewhere in life. | ||
| It can't all be a manifestation of your thoughts. | ||
| Like, maybe that's just a factor. | ||
| Maybe instead of it being a primary factor to your success or failure or whatever in life, maybe it is a factor. | ||
| But the other factors that maybe because we want to concentrate on this mystical one that we're missing out, there's a bunch of other shit that has to go into play too. | ||
| Like you have to be born in a place where you don't get hit by a drone when you're in a wedding party. | ||
| Unless everybody's own life is like its own thing. | ||
| And everything is just a backstory to your own story. | ||
| That's what Bert Kreischer believes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| Okay, well, that's... | ||
| No, Bert Kreischer believes you don't die. | ||
| Did I just find out I'm an alcoholic? | ||
| I don't think you die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Prove to me you die. | |
| I'm like, okay, dude. | ||
| I... You know what? | ||
| I guess you could philosophically say... | ||
| That you don't really know. | ||
| And you do go to sleep and you do wake up. | ||
| What's that all about? | ||
| What's going on when you're gone? | ||
| Don't even get me on sleeping because the anxiety I get before I fall asleep at night, I'm like, how is no one questioning this? | ||
| We're all laying down and closing our eyes and then going into this place. | ||
| You know, I dream the same place every single night for the last 10 years. | ||
| I go to the same place every single night. | ||
| I go to the same beach every single fucking night. | ||
| Sometimes we go to the same place in our dreams. | ||
| And one time I found a fucking video and people were talking about that they were going to the place that I go, the same exact beach. | ||
| They said, oh, but sometimes I stay in this hotel that's haunted, one of these rooms that's haunted, and that's exactly where I go. | ||
| You are a horror movie. | ||
| You're a literal horror movie. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| There was thousands of people that were saying that. | ||
| But horror movies are like that, right? | ||
| It's like everyone gets this message. | ||
| Like, we got this message. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| I just feel like we should... | ||
| I feel like we should run this guy's dog down the beach. | ||
| There are other people that are going to say they dream of going to the beach every night, I bet. | ||
| But I bet that's a big thing. | ||
| The beach is a huge thing. | ||
| I bet there's people that dream of skiing every night. | ||
| The beach is always a nice place to go, so if you're trying to have a nice dream, you probably dream of going to the beach. | ||
| That's normal. | ||
| It's always nice, yeah. | ||
| But is it the same place? | ||
| Well, a lot of people, that was their beach. | ||
| The beach where you... | ||
| Is it a place you know of? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not? | ||
| You've never been there? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What is interesting about it? | ||
| Are there sharks? | ||
| They want their oil back. | ||
| The water... | ||
| Fuck your asthma. | ||
| They're pissing my dad. | ||
| The water's always really clear. | ||
| And, yeah, there's always a hotel. | ||
| I live in the hotel. | ||
| It's always like I get the nicest hotel and then one of the rooms is haunted. | ||
| So it's like I can't really enjoy myself there fully. | ||
| I have a similar dream. | ||
| And a lot of people, yeah. | ||
| And sometimes I'm in a hotel and I'm like, I have to get ready for my flight. | ||
| There's always a flight. | ||
| The flight. | ||
| And then I get on the flight and I can never leave the water. | ||
| I get on a flight, the plane will break in half and I'll parachute slowly back onto the fucking water. | ||
| And I'll be right back on the beach. | ||
| I was on a plane while I had this dream. | ||
| I fell asleep and I dreamed that we were flying through a tunnel. | ||
| And then you couldn't move to the left or to the right. | ||
| The plane had to stay in the center. | ||
| And the pilot was good at doing it, so we were okay. | ||
| But then we were flying through a fucking tunnel. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| Except my eyes were closed. | ||
| And I was dreaming while I was on a plane. | ||
| I was like, oh my god. | ||
| Do you know what trips me out? | ||
| Sometimes I have dreams that I like see like a truck coming to hit me or something and then when I wake I'll wake up from the sound of a honking in real life like when I wake up a truck is honking at the same time that my dream was having that thing happened. | ||
| How does that happen? | ||
| That happens to people right? | ||
| What do you think is happening when you think about someone they call you? | ||
| Oh, I think that we live in a vibrational world and so if you're thinking about someone that there's a chance you're putting that out and that they're subconsciously picking up on it. | ||
| I thought I was just Puerto Rican and crazy. | ||
| I heard you talking shit. | ||
| Hello? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel it. | |
| I feel it in the air. | ||
| Yeah, there's times when you think about someone and then they text you. | ||
| You can feel someone looking at you. | ||
| Yeah, they say that statistically, right? | ||
| Like, they've done tests on that, I think. | ||
| Was that Rupert Sheldrake? | ||
| Was that one of his? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't feel. | ||
| I don't think it's everybody and I don't think it's all the time. | ||
| It's not like you always know when people are watching you. | ||
| But it seems like it's more often than chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's how they looked at it. | |
| Because also you're in an unnatural environment. | ||
| So if they make you stay in a room, you don't know this room, you know you're a part of an experiment, you're sitting down. | ||
| There's a lot of weird factors in there that will interrupt the normal ability and frequency to just feel the world. | ||
| But if you're in your living room and then someone walks in your living room and you're like... | ||
| You just feel that they're in the living room, even though you didn't hear anything. | ||
| There might be something to that. | ||
| Not to bring up my school ADD again, but I used to yawn in class and see how many people I could get to yawn after my yawn. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| That's a mental illness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I want to be the yawn leader. | ||
| I'm the yawn leader. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| It's a fucking interesting project. | ||
| I used to yawn and see how many people I could get to tag on. | ||
| The yawn captain. | ||
| I would do anything to not pay attention in school. | ||
| But yawns are weird. | ||
| Yawns are fucking. | ||
| Why are they contagious? | ||
| And why, when you're about to start tripping, do you do that a lot? | ||
| Oh yeah, mushrooms. | ||
| It's always like... | ||
| I yawn. | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| You know what I noticed too is when I laugh a lot with my friends, even if I'm not on drugs, I'll start like... | ||
| My lungs will get like mucus-y. | ||
| Like my body starts to... | ||
| You need some more shark oil. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| You need shark oil. | ||
| I think it's getting rid of the mucus. | ||
| Don't bring up the mucus, mom. | ||
| Mommy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mommy, stop talking about your mucus to Joe. | |
| You're embarrassing me. | ||
| I forgot we were on a podcast. | ||
| Leave the phlegm at home. | ||
| Honey. | ||
| Anyways, I flim. | ||
| In this wild dream, is there a way it always goes? | ||
| It's kind of just the same thing. | ||
| It's very Truman Show-esque where I've been trying to leave. | ||
| There's always like... | ||
| Even last night, I had a dream I was getting on a flight. | ||
| And it was like the whole time. | ||
| It's like when I'm about to get there, something happens. | ||
| The ticket doesn't work. | ||
| It's always like... | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Look what happened. | ||
| Looks like you're stuck here again. | ||
| And it's not a bad place to be, but I keep wanting to be like, but I want to see what else there is. | ||
| And like trying to go somewhere. | ||
| I have a dream my teeth fall out like dominoes. | ||
| I touch one and then the other ones just crumble and they all just fall out. | ||
| I haven't had that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| It's a reoccurring dream. | ||
| And then also that I'm in... | ||
| That's a common one. | ||
| And then I'm in high school and I don't know my locker code. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| And I'm like, is it 38, 12, 07? | ||
| Fuck, I don't know what class I'm going to. | ||
| You wake up as an adult. | ||
| You're like, why was I stressed? | ||
| Bitch, you're almost 40. I had multiple dreams after I got out of high school that I somehow or another failed and I had to go back. | ||
| Yeah, that's the worst dream. | ||
| That's not one of mine. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And then I had to make a decision like, am I going to be a high school dropout or am I going to do another year of high school? | ||
| Oh, doing another year of high school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I'm so free. | ||
| I'm almost free. | ||
| And then that was my dream. | ||
| I have that too. | ||
| I don't have that one. | ||
| School nightmares, still. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, that's a weird one. | ||
| I did have a friend die and I had a night terror the night that my friend died. | ||
| At the same exact time. | ||
| And I never had a dream. | ||
| So my dreams are pretty good. | ||
| They're at the beach all the time. | ||
| So I had a one really bad dream that woke me up out of my sleep that someone had killed themselves in front of me. | ||
| And I woke up like instantly crying and the next morning I got a call the same hour that it happened. | ||
| That's pretty trippy. | ||
| But that could also be the same thing as someone looking at you. | ||
| That could be a coincidence, the night that I had that bad dream. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| It could be that you remember it because of the fact that your friend did that. | ||
| Because if you didn't have that, you might not even have remembered it. | ||
| No, this is how I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| How many times do you really accurately remember your dreams? | ||
| Well, this is how I know. | ||
| I was dating a guy and I woke up next to him and he was like, what's going on? | ||
| Because I never do that. | ||
| And I told him about my dream the moment it happened. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Documentation. | |
| Yes, and that's how I knew. | ||
| Because the next day I was like, did I tell you about that dream? | ||
| And he was like, yeah, you told me exactly that that happened. | ||
| That's not how he died, but he died. | ||
| Well, they don't know what dreams are really. | ||
| I mean, they know when people are in REM sleep. | ||
| They know that you should get a certain percentage of REM sleep in order to be fully recovered and rested and relaxed. | ||
| But there's a lot of weird shit about the consciousness of dreaming. | ||
| It's trippy. | ||
| A lot of weird shit. | ||
| Because we know the body produces endogenous psychedelic chemicals. | ||
| And is it doing that? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Is that why they're so hard to remember? | ||
| Because it's like psychedelic trips. | ||
| Like DMT Rome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's probably some kind of state that you go into when you're dreaming. | ||
| You know what's crazy about DMT is that it smells like morning breath. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Whenever I smell it, I'm like, it smells like morning. | ||
| It stinks. | ||
| You're talking about morning breath and mucus? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm doubling down, sweetie. | ||
| I thought you were being a soft girl. | ||
| You guys have two totally different strategies. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Sarah, you're giving up your cards. | ||
| You're giving up too many cards. | ||
| You've got to let her go. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| You can't pull her in because then people know you're scheming. | ||
| I'm not scheming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you're not. | |
| But you're trying to scheme for her. | ||
| Pull it in, lady. | ||
| I like to... | ||
| There's something to that, Joe. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That it's a dream realm and it smells like morning breath. | ||
| Well, it only smells like that if you burn it. | ||
| You know, there's other ways of getting it into your body. | ||
| They're doing this long, slow IV drip in England now. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| And they're mapping these experiences. | ||
| This was weird. | ||
| They're doing a long... | ||
| Full-in DMT experiences where they're going to the same places over and over again, and they're encountering very specific beings over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, like the purple lady. | ||
| There's this one purple snake-like lady that a lot of people have encountered, and if you go online, there's lots of people that have documented this purple snake. | ||
| Maybe, but what these guys are doing, they're doing it for hours and hours at a time in the DMT state because it's doing it through an IV. So this is like a completely unusual experience. | ||
| When I did DMT, it told me that the aliens are where the penguins are. | ||
| Okay, the ice wall. | ||
| It's the world's flat. | ||
| We're going back to the world's flat. | ||
| Do I think the world's flat? | ||
| Is that what I'm finding out about myself on this podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It would be the greatest thing to find out ever. | |
| But penguins do seem a little alien-like. | ||
| They do! | ||
| No, they don't at all. | ||
| They're like a bird that lives in a place where you have to be fat to stay alive because there's cold fucking water and leopard seals everywhere. | ||
| Do you ever see a leopard seal? | ||
| One of my favorite animals. | ||
| They don't even look like they're real. | ||
| Leopard seals look like an avatar animal. | ||
| All they do is just fuck up penguins. | ||
| They are the death of penguins. | ||
| They exist to eat penguins. | ||
| These motherfuckers. | ||
| Oh, they're cute. | ||
| They're so ferocious. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| I feel bad for the penguin. | ||
| That's so cute though. | ||
| That is a leopard seal. | ||
| They are ferocious monster predators. | ||
| Look at that poor little penguin. | ||
| Look at that image of that one on the ice there. | ||
| No, the one to the right of it, their face. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| I know, but look at the image from the video. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That image is insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The blood on its face of that thing. | |
| And they just jack penguins. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| They're the bullies of penguins. | ||
| I can't stand it. | ||
| Penguin patrol. | ||
| They're some of the most interesting animals ever. | ||
| Well, they're aliens, I'm telling you. | ||
| I didn't even know they existed until a few years back. | ||
| Quote me, when you find out penguins are aliens, you're going to remember this moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think Squid. | ||
| I remember March of the Penguins. | ||
| That's when I found out about them. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That was like a big documentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was a big deal. | |
| Everybody went to see the Penguin movie. | ||
| It was really cute. | ||
| It was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| That and What the Bleep. | ||
| Everybody went to see What the Bleep and came back all spiritual. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| I don't remember any of this shit. | ||
| It's basically what the CIA was saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That you manifest reality. | ||
| What the Bleep. | ||
| No one told me. | ||
| So maybe it's like a little bit of that and then also a lot of luck and also a lot of circumstance. | ||
| Discipline. | ||
| Good combo. | ||
| It's got to be a bunch of different things. | ||
| It's got to be, yeah. | ||
| It's a bunch of different things happening simultaneously. | ||
| You've got to be driven and showing up for your life. | ||
| Thinking that it's only... | ||
| Oh, she's back. | ||
| I'm going to motivate you. | ||
| She's back. | ||
| We need the music for her. | ||
| When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, I'm going to be the best me that I could be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's the best her that she could be on the Puerto Rican one in the background. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Shankisms. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You should sell a daily calendar with Shankisms every day. | ||
| Might not be a bad idea. | ||
| Come to my seminar. | ||
| Come to my seminar. | ||
| 17 easy payments of $69.99. | ||
| Noice! | ||
| Listen, other comics have done it. | ||
| You guys should start life coaching. | ||
| No. | ||
| Why don't you mention that? | ||
| That's what I think the Vice article found out about the gateway process. | ||
| What? | ||
| The guy who was sort of like promoting it gave a convenient seven-day audio tape. | ||
| Shortcut to finding out how to do all this. | ||
| I'm trying to find a picture of the tapes. | ||
| They had the tapes on there. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| He did a seven-day what? | ||
| So it's like an audio thing, and you have to keep listening to this audio to unlock it, I suppose is what it was saying. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you just listen to his tapes over and over again- It's a timeshare. | ||
| You can skip ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have to go to Arizona, Joe, this whole thing. | |
| What? | ||
| He was selling these tapes that are, I guess, are a couple of different frequencies, and then they started pitching this thing called HemiSync. | ||
| And that is copywritten now, and there's websites selling all sorts of stuff about HemiSync. | ||
| We cannot achieve the state on our own. | ||
| The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his institute, which comprise a series of tapes, claim to induce and sustain hemi-sync. | ||
| Here the document shifts to the usage of quotes and other reports describe the powers of hemi-sync. | ||
| Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. | ||
| Left to its own devices, the human mind expends energy like a lamp in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. | ||
| Under hemi-sync, though, the mind produces a disciplined stream of light. | ||
| This is the thing he wrote in the article, yeah. | ||
| So once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent, it can then synchronize with the rarefied energy levels of the universe. | ||
| With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| I'm trying to go from lamp to laser. | ||
| Imagine how you just get out with a cassette player. | ||
| It's just a Walkman. | ||
| You have old school Walkman. | ||
| I thought this was the Beatles. | ||
| The last page of the report was missing, so a lot of people think that the hidden key is on that, but then they're like, it's probably not. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| Well, listen, what if it's real? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If they really did figure something like that out, and if you really do listen to all seven of those tapes, then it unlocks some fucking potential. | ||
| We've got to find that tape. | ||
| Here to now, never been seen. | ||
| Some crazy new thing. | ||
| I'm down to try hemi-syncing. | ||
| It turns out it's just from some crazy dude figuring it out. | ||
| Just like everything else. | ||
| That would be wild. | ||
| Also, I wouldn't disbelieve that some dude figured it out and also is selling tapes. | ||
| Both of those can exist. | ||
| Right, why not? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think it's a perfect cover. | ||
| I'd be peddling tapes too. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| If I had the answers like that... | ||
| But they're kind of barely peddling tapes, if you really think about it. | ||
| It's not a lot of marketing put into this. | ||
| A low-key tape pedal. | ||
| They go, if you want it, come get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Old school cassettes. | |
| That's their logo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want it? | |
| Come get it. | ||
| Maybe that makes me think they're legit now. | ||
| What if it's real? | ||
| What if you go up there and they really are doing that? | ||
| And that's why nobody wants to leave. | ||
| What if they really do have some sort of process where through sound you can achieve this state of unveiling? | ||
| The universe exposes itself to you the way it really is. | ||
| That is tight and I would like to go to the astral plane. | ||
| I hate to be a 14 year old boy about it, but that's tight! | ||
| That's tight! | ||
| The TikTok kids are claiming that they're fucking in the astral plane. | ||
| That they sneak off in their heads and that's where they have sex. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying to link up with a man on the astral plane. | ||
| Maybe Zuck. | ||
| Maybe that's where they are. | ||
| Yeah, you go and it's Zuck. | ||
| He already got that market. | ||
| We gotta find a different plane. | ||
| He's a black belt in the astral plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not Zuck being a black belt in his other realm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did you call it? | ||
| An Uma Plata? | ||
| What did you call it? | ||
| I don't know, Kim. | ||
| That was so long ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't let it go. | |
| I love it. | ||
| She gave you bad jujitsu nomenclature. | ||
| So cute. | ||
| Triangle. | ||
| The triangle's deadly. | ||
| You and Zuck? | ||
| Remember when you put that girl, you used the arm bar in the Beverly Hills against the Beverly Hills? | ||
| A girl tried to trap Sarah in a bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| For no reason. | ||
| A drunk girl. | ||
| She said, don't fuck with me, I'm from Bel Air! | ||
| Out of nowhere. | ||
| She was dropping Bel Air gang signs. | ||
| And then Kim had to, she was like this drunk crazy girl, and Kim had to pull out a low-key jujitsu move to keep her back. | ||
| Nothing crazy, just trying to get Sarah out of the stall. | ||
| Just an arm bar. | ||
| Is that what they're called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had to get it on video, too, because I was like, this Bel Air bitch is going to have to sue me. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| We get into situations. | ||
| It gets rowdy out there in the streets. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes you walk someone's dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The streets of Bel Air. | |
| The streets of Bel Air are hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gang gang. | |
| You gotta be a hard person to survive. | ||
| Are there gangs in Bel Air? | ||
| Probably everywhere now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'd be a good move. | ||
| Make a lot of money. | ||
| You're a successful gang. | ||
| They're not living there, but... | ||
| I don't feel like there's many gangs in Bel Air. | ||
| She was in a gang in Bel Air. | ||
| This girl was in a sundress and she was like, don't fuck with me! | ||
| And she kept dropping the area code. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was not kidding around. | ||
| Battle for Bel Air turns fatal as residents resist gang takeover. | ||
| What? | ||
| What if he saw that girl in the dress? | ||
| That's 2021? | ||
| There's gang violence in Bel Air. | ||
| Probably not Bel Air. | ||
| Los Angeles is where my next part was. | ||
| It's got to be more Bel Air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it says Bel Air in Port-au-Prince. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus Christ. | |
| Maybe that's where that blonde girl was from. | ||
| Bel Air, Jamaica. | ||
| Yeah, that's why she's so cocky. | ||
| She's like, I got this. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Not a blonde in Jamaica. | ||
| Hey, would they run out of names? | ||
| Why is there two Bel Airs? | ||
| There's a Bel Air in the Baltimore area also. | ||
| Fuck is that all about it? | ||
| There's Paris, Texas. | ||
| There's Hollywood, Florida. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| I don't love it either. | ||
| I think it's ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think you should be able to do that. | |
| Let's get creative. | ||
| There's enough words. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, make something up. | ||
| Like, you know, Winnipeg. | ||
| I feel like that was made up on a whim. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| Seems like there's plenty of names. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, Sarah, because Joe internally told me to fuck off after that one. | |
| I saw it in your eyes. | ||
| Did they run out of town names? | ||
| For real, that's so stupid. | ||
| Why is there another Paris? | ||
| Don't you know about the real Paris? | ||
| Why'd you call yourself Paris? | ||
| This isn't Paris. | ||
| No, this is... | ||
| I feel like you were accusing me directly. | ||
| I got nervous. | ||
| I was like, I never called myself Paris. | ||
| You fucking did it, Kim. | ||
| This is like the Black Friday Paris. | ||
| Did you guys ever see the Paris that they recreated in China that's virtually vacant? | ||
| No. | ||
| They've made these... | ||
| Now, I'm assuming this is real, because this was quite a few years ago. | ||
| This was like before CGI was at its level that it's at now, because now anything can... | ||
| I mean, it's so hard to know what you're looking at. | ||
| But they used to have this... | ||
| There was a web series where they explored these places. | ||
| I forget who did it, but they have these videos of these towns that are like recreations of other cities in other parts of the world. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| China's strange city of Paris. | ||
| So they have an Eiffel Tower, the whole deal. | ||
| So it's like Vegas, but they just... | ||
| But nicer. | ||
| But they've recreated a lot of Paris. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| I don't know, like, how accurate it is. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| It says, like, it's a one-third replica of Diefel Tower, for instance. | ||
| It's, like, they expected 10,000 residents. | ||
| So it's not huge. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Since there's only 10% of that, so there's, like, 1,000 people living there. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| What a weird decision to, like, make. | ||
| It's kind of cool, though. | ||
| Like, let's make another Paris. | ||
| It is kind of cool. | ||
| There's something kind of cool about it. | ||
| Like, why not? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Just one hotel open for guests, for foreigners? | ||
| As long as you don't pretend we're the real Paris. | ||
| Everyone's in berets. | ||
| It was always us. | ||
| Walking with bad guests. | ||
| Imagine if the Parisians are like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| You guys are culturally appropriating. | ||
| They call themselves the originals. | ||
| Paris actually stole this from us. | ||
| You think maybe they were trying to do like a resort town? | ||
| Nomadasaurus. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| There's an Eiffel Tower in Ohio at Kings Island. | ||
| It's been there forever. | ||
| It's on the Brady Bunch back in the 70s. | ||
| It was on the Brady Bunch. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Well, like, you know, they just made one. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Why make the Eiffel Tower there? | ||
| Just make something big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many Statues of Liberty are there? | ||
| We got ours. | ||
| Did anybody ever make their own? | ||
| Like the France gave it to us, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The French gave it to us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then did anybody else say, I want one to make their own? | ||
| What's up, France? | ||
| You could just like shit on anything that's ever made and been like, I'm gonna make one too and show you how unspecial that is. | ||
| Oh, so you have a Paris? | ||
| I have a Paris too. | ||
| They built their own Paris. | ||
| There is a second one in Paris. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| There we go. | ||
| They made two and there's several smaller ones. | ||
| But I think I've seen the one in Paris is like, it's smaller though. | ||
| Let me see if I can find a picture. | ||
| Yeah, show me. | ||
| Here's one thing they're not gonna make. | ||
| The fucking pyramids. | ||
| The pyramids. | ||
| It's like the classier kind of version. | ||
| It's like not so in your face. | ||
| Yeah, it's not in the middle of the ocean either. | ||
| It looks much more accessible. | ||
| You don't have to get on a ferry. | ||
| Yeah, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Get in a boat to go visit a statue. | ||
| Walk those stairs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is liberty. | |
| May she reign forever. | ||
| Not George! | ||
| There's always a guy named George with you. | ||
| It's a statue from Paris. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Like as if a statue is what's important. | ||
| You know what this means? | ||
| It's like absolutely nothing. | ||
| It means whatever you decide it means. | ||
| People get excited about statues. | ||
| It's kind of dope. | ||
| Whenever the shit goes down in a movie, if the Statue of Liberty is in the ocean, you know we're fucked. | ||
| That's actually so true. | ||
| It's floating by. | ||
| Just her eye. | ||
| If the Statue of Liberty is getting fucked up, we got a real problem. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah, we identify with that statue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like if an eagle gets killed, we're like, hey, not a fucking eagle. | ||
| Not the symbol for freedom! | ||
| Eagles. | ||
| Eagles are amazing. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to see a dead eagle. | ||
| It's a bad sign for the times if you see an eagle on the road. | ||
| Not a dead eagle. | ||
| I watched a video of a bear climbing up a tree to kill an eagle. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It was like a juvenile eagle that was in the nest. | ||
| The bear just climbed up the tree and just grabbed the eagle. | ||
| Bears look so robotic to me. | ||
| They look animatronic. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Tell me they look like they would be a good cuddle. | ||
| So he's climbing up the tree to get to the eagle's babies. | ||
| And the eagle sees him climbing up the tree. | ||
| There's nothing she can do about it. | ||
| They got a big ass bear. | ||
| The dad eagle just flew by and was like, well, you're taking care of it for me. | ||
| That bear's taking a risk, too. | ||
| That's a small branch. | ||
| The eagles are just freaking out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can't do shit about it. | |
| Oh, they're trying to save the babies? | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| You can't do shit about it because you can't risk getting bitten by a fucking bear. | ||
| So he got up there. | ||
| Did you fast forward through it? | ||
| Right after that altercation, like right there, he gets up there and he bites the baby eagle and kills it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he's killing the juveniles and he drags them down. | |
| Yeah, not for me. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He's eating eagles. | ||
| Scary. | ||
| Imagine a world where you kill an eagle and you eat it. | ||
| You kill an eagle with your face and you eat it. | ||
| With your face? | ||
| So visceral, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's what they do. | |
| They all kill animals with their face. | ||
| We can't kill jack shit with our face. | ||
| Our faces are fucking useless for killing things. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| They can kill everything with their face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| And they eat eagles. | ||
| Death by face? | ||
| That wasn't the first time he did that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's probably been eating eagles since fucking high school. | |
| Yeah, we go eat eagles. | ||
| The way he was eating, that wasn't his first eagle. | ||
| No, he knew what the fuck was up there. | ||
| It wasn't like guessing games. | ||
| The thing is, what are those guys doing? | ||
| Just casually filming? | ||
| That bear seems hungry. | ||
| I see that video, I go, we gotta go. | ||
| He seems like that's not gonna fill him up. | ||
| The small little eagle? | ||
| It'll fill them up for a little while and they're scared of people. | ||
| That's a black bear. | ||
| Black bears are scared of people for the most part. | ||
| But not always. | ||
| They're very unpredictable. | ||
| But most of the time they don't want to have anything to do with people. | ||
| And the real problem is when you catch a mother near their cubs and you're unexpected. | ||
| They're better off knowing you're there for the most part. | ||
| Unless they're predatory. | ||
| And if they're predatory, if they're hungry, they'll try to eat you. | ||
| And that has happened to people before. | ||
| Getting mauled by a bear has to be one of the worst nature deaths. | ||
| Would you rather get eaten by a shark or mauled by a bear? | ||
| Eaten by a shark easily, right? | ||
| I'm going mauled. | ||
| I'm going shark. | ||
| Shark might just chop you in half and swim off and decide you taste like shit. | ||
| I feel like the shark might like the way I taste it. | ||
| The bear is going to tear your chest apart like an excited child opening up a Christmas present. | ||
| That was also a very visceral joke. | ||
| You just left this place. | ||
| They're going to open you up and eat your guts. | ||
| Alright, I'm going shark. | ||
| While you're still alive. | ||
| Because they don't kill you. | ||
| They don't have to kill you. | ||
| They just start eating. | ||
| You ever see what they do to salmon? | ||
| They just start eating. | ||
| They don't kill you first. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| Cats kill you first. | ||
| Bears don't kill you first. | ||
| They don't have to. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| You're not going anywhere. | ||
| I guess the right answer is shark. | ||
| I don't know if there's a good answer there. | ||
| They both suck. | ||
| Both those things suck. | ||
| What are you going? | ||
| Shark or bear? | ||
| I'm going shark all day, every day. | ||
| What about wolves? | ||
| I'm still going shark. | ||
| I feel like a wolf would be maybe better than a shark. | ||
| No way. | ||
| It wouldn't be one wolf. | ||
| No, it'd be a bunch of them. | ||
| When you paint that picture, I'm back at shark. | ||
| It was bear, shark, wolf, back to shark. | ||
| What do you think is the most pleasant animal death? | ||
| If you had to pick one. | ||
| Anaconda. | ||
| Ah, nice squeeze to death. | ||
| No, you think that's the most pleasant? | ||
| You just go to sleep. | ||
| The old erotic... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Auto-erotic asphyxiation. | |
| What's it called? | ||
| Auto-erotic asphyxiation. | ||
| Yeah, that one. | ||
| The old jerk off with a belt. | ||
| In excess, he died from that. | ||
| Who? | ||
| In excess. | ||
| Yeah, the band? | ||
| The band. | ||
| What's his name from Kung Fu? | ||
| David Carradine? | ||
| The whole band? | ||
| No. | ||
| One guy. | ||
| I was like, they were all doing it together? | ||
| One, two, three guys. | ||
| Everyone, put on the mask. | ||
| Don't let go if you love us. | ||
| You always gotta wonder about those kind of deaths, though. | ||
| If you were gonna kill somebody, that's a good way to pose them. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, because nobody wants to get involved in the jerk-off. | ||
| They're like, oh, God, leave him alone. | ||
| It's like being in someone's diary. | ||
| Not only that, it shames them in death. | ||
| If you were going to make it so that you shame them in death and you also... | ||
| You present, like, such a disgusting scenario that everybody wants to just cover it up because if that's really what he was into, like, oh, if this gets out, it'd be so embarrassing. | ||
| So it kind of, like, stifles the possibility of exploring whether or not they were killed. | ||
| It's just me being criminally minded. | ||
| If I was thinking that, if you're going to whack somebody, definitely put them in a fucking wet suit, shove a dildo up their ass. | ||
| And fucking tie a rope around their neck and have them like hanging there on the edge of a chair. | ||
| And it just, it fucked up. | ||
| It didn't work out. | ||
| When I get one, I'm like, oh, they were kinky. | ||
| They were into some shit. | ||
| I get maybe that guy was... | ||
| A piece of shit, and maybe somebody was very mad at him, or maybe a piece of shit was really mad at him and he was a really good guy. | ||
| But he couldn't keep his mouth shut. | ||
| Look, I think for sure there's been people that have done things like that before. | ||
| Of course, yeah, set it up. | ||
| It's a sick world. | ||
| It's a sick, sick world. | ||
| I'm not saying the NXX guy. | ||
| I'm saying like... | ||
| In the world of whacking people, there's some insane stories that people go, oh, looks like a suicide. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Looks like a suicide. | ||
| Epstein. | ||
| Here's one even crazier. | ||
| There was a guy who was working for the Clintons. | ||
| They found him hanging from an extension cord at a ranch with a shotgun wound to his chest, but the weapon wasn't there. | ||
| And they called it a suicide. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seems like he got whacked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That one seems a little sus. | ||
| Well, the guy that runs Cash App. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| He got murdered by someone he knew. | ||
| They arrested the guy. | ||
| They arrested a guy. | ||
| He knew his sister. | ||
| And there was some sort of an altercation about him and his sister. | ||
| Likely story. | ||
| That is the likely story. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| It doesn't have to be that, either. | ||
| Oh my god, you're gonna peddle in baseless conspiracies. | ||
| She loves it! | ||
| She loves TikTok. | ||
| Shotgun did get discovered. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So what, initially they didn't? | ||
| It was 30 feet from him. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| That's pretty far, but still close. | ||
| Could you... | ||
| I don't know if you would... | ||
| I just... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe that might work. | ||
| If you put it right on your chest and then blast it backwards and just let go of it, I wonder how far it would go. | ||
| But yeah, it says he was found with a cord around his neck. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| And then shot himself. | ||
| Exactly what you said. | ||
| In the chest. | ||
| And Cash App, it's some weird thing where they can't trace it or it's something about the money. | ||
| See, now this is from the newyorkpost.com, right? | ||
| So we're not going to know. | ||
| Unless you talk to his family. | ||
| No one knows anything. | ||
| No one knows anything. | ||
| The earth is flat. | ||
| Just the fact that the guy was found. | ||
| And he was involved in the Epstein stuff. | ||
| He had brought Epstein to the White House. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, multiple times. | ||
| Wasn't that the case with him? | ||
| I believe he's the same guy that did that. | ||
| Who's this guy? | ||
| In the same sort of case. | ||
| Ghislaine Maxwell's father was a very strange death. | ||
| He was found naked, upside down in the water near his yacht. | ||
| But also, if you're Ghislaine Maxwell's father, that's probably how you get your kicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how Ghislaine was conceived. | |
| Getting your dick sucked while you fill your butthole up with seawater on the side of your yacht. | ||
| And honestly, she comes from a horny family. | ||
| You get really kinky. | ||
| When you get that kind of money, you get really kinky. | ||
| These guys are hopping naked in the water, having sex, underwater, holding their breath. | ||
| They're like, let's mix it up! | ||
| Give me the furry helmet! | ||
| Yeah, the furries. | ||
| The furries were created. | ||
| So maybe that guy really did hang himself and then shoot himself in the chest with a shotgun 30 miles from his house. | ||
| Seems weird though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seems like you might want to look into that one. | |
| You guys got any satellite footage you want to share with us? | ||
| Everything I've ever said in my life is allegedly. | ||
| How good do you think the satellite footage is now? | ||
| Like if you go outside, do you think they could follow you everywhere you look? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| On video? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think they could have done that 10 years ago. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To be honest, I have no idea. | ||
| I don't trust, I don't trust that we're not being watched. | ||
| You know what I've been yelling for the last 10 years? | ||
| Anytime someone doesn't, something doesn't work, like my phone glitch, I'm like, how did we get to the moon? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| That's so much less complicated than this phone. | ||
| Getting to the moon? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The amount of power that you have in your phone is vastly superior to all of the computers that were linked together in the Apollo project. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's true, but that is so crazy to think about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Joe, would you go to the moon if someone said, hey, I have room on my shuttle? | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| I would think it's a trap. | ||
| You would? | ||
| It's a trap. | ||
| You would? | ||
| Where do you think they'd take you? | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm going to go to a place that sucks? | ||
|
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It sucks. | |
| I can look at it. | ||
| I see it sucks. | ||
| Like, stepping foot on it. | ||
| I'm sure... | ||
| I got the gist. | ||
| I think looking at Earth from space would probably be the wildest. | ||
| That would be wild. | ||
| Like, thinking... | ||
| That's what I would like to see. | ||
| Like, you're above... | ||
| You fly out into space and you're looking back on the earth. | ||
| That's got to be an insane thing to experience. | ||
| That's got to be insane. | ||
| Because you get it a little bit when you get in a plane, but it's kind of a freaky thing that you're up here in the clouds and shit. | ||
| What are we doing up here? | ||
| It feels foreign. | ||
| How do we figure out how to do this all the time? | ||
| I'm not convinced. | ||
| Every time I'm on a plane. | ||
| It might be fake. | ||
| They might time travel you into the ER. What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| She does some crazy OCD shit before we get into the plane. | ||
| She's got to touch it twice. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| I have a touch of the D, of the O and the C and the D. A touch of the D. My therapist says, I have a touch. | ||
| A trace. | ||
| A trace of the... | ||
| A trace of the compulsive behaviors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it works for you, if you've got a system, stick to it. | ||
| She goes, don't worry, I've got to touch the plane twice until we get there safe. | ||
| And she goes, I got us. | ||
| You're going to be happy I touched this plane. | ||
| I have to look the people in the eye, and if the people don't look like they have a will to live, I have to pay extra attention during the flight so we can get there. | ||
|
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Pfft! | |
| Kim controls the flights. | ||
| Maybe you do. | ||
| Maybe you do. | ||
| Two taps. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Maybe there's something to that. | ||
| If there's someone that's not as worried as me, I have to do it. | ||
| I can tell when someone can take over and I go, oh, I can nap for a while. | ||
| We'll both keep it up. | ||
| Remember when the one captain complimented my sunglasses? | ||
| Yeah, that captain, you should have hit him up because we could have gotten a little buddy pass out of it. | ||
| You should have made that captain your little buddy. | ||
| Have you ever been on a plane where there was a squabble? | ||
| A fight? | ||
| People start fighting. | ||
| I've been on a plane where they had tried to, a lady, like, you need to get off, and she wouldn't get off, and she had to be removed, and then we all had to come off. | ||
| I started the boo for her, which was really fun. | ||
| The Karen boo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She needed it. | ||
| She gets involved. | ||
| She treats everywhere like skank fest. | ||
|
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She's like, boo! | |
| Some of these brawls that you see on planes are fucking insane, where people just pile on top of each other in the sky. | ||
| That is so nuts that people would do that. | ||
| Just get in a fight while you're flying through the air. | ||
| We're in the sky, people. | ||
| It is so crazy. | ||
| I don't even want everyone jumping that much on the plane at the same time. | ||
| I'm like, don't move it. | ||
| It's crazy that we're going this way and it's going well. | ||
| Every time I'm like, wow, this is going well. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| We're alive. | ||
| We're flying up here in the clouds. | ||
| Whenever I get off when I'm exiting, I look the pilot dead in the eye. | ||
| I literally am so thankful for my life when I get off a plane. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you're just some dude. | ||
| He's just some guy standing there. | ||
|
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And how many times do those planes fly? | |
| I mean, they're overused machines. | ||
|
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Are you sure? | |
| Maybe they're perfectly used. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| You just like saying that. | ||
| I'm questioning everything I've ever thought. | ||
| Maybe they have an extensive search criteria to make sure that everything is gone over with a fine-toothed cone to make sure nothing's wrong with them. | ||
| I know they do, but how many... | ||
| But there's freak accidents, Joe. | ||
|
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Yeah, how many times? | |
| There's not that many. | ||
| If you think about how many planes fly, obviously it's one of the safest ways to travel. | ||
| If you look at it statistically, the problem is the one that happens. | ||
| It's so terrifying. | ||
| If that's how you go, everybody's horrified. | ||
| Because it's out of your hands, you're in the sky, it's all nuts. | ||
| So it's a particularly terrifying way to go. | ||
| Right up there with wolves. | ||
| It would also be weird to survive a plane crash. | ||
| Oh my god, I heard about a girl that survived a plane crash. | ||
| She was the only one by herself. | ||
| She was the flight attendant. | ||
| Survivor's guilt. | ||
| Only she had was broken ribs and I kept thinking about her ex-boyfriend, how terrified he was. | ||
| That lady's durable. | ||
| Yeah, she comes back up. | ||
| Sturdy. | ||
| She comes back up and she picks her hair. | ||
| She comes back and you're like, she's dead. | ||
|
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Finally. | |
| That's the thing about something like that. | ||
| There's certain situations where it's just dumb luck. | ||
| Like the impact, the way it hits, the way you hit, where it goes down. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| They're probably crash landing, right? | ||
| Before Travis Barker, you told me this. | ||
| Oh yeah, he says this. | ||
| I don't know if this is true. | ||
| Sorry, it's from TikTok. | ||
| I don't know if anything's true after this fucking podcast. | ||
| Is this even real, man? | ||
| Am I even here? | ||
| But Travis Barker, I think he said in a thing that his daughter asked him not to get on the flight. | ||
| She had a bad dream. | ||
| The plane crashed before he got on the flight. | ||
| And shit happens with surgeons and stuff. | ||
| If you tell a surgeon that you had a bad dream, a lot of the times they'll try and reschedule. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Well, for me, I'd be like, my teeth were falling out last night. | ||
| I hope that a lot of the things I say aren't true, and people are just going to bombard me with real facts after this. | ||
| They probably will. | ||
|
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It's fine. | |
| It seems like a lot of you, you're doing voodoo. | ||
| Basically doing a lot of voodoo. | ||
| Me? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Currently? | ||
| No, like what you're saying. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, we're woo-woo, bitches. | ||
| A little bit of woo-woo's fun. | ||
| Yeah, I have an amethyst in my bag. | ||
| I bet you do. | ||
| A little bit of woo-woo's a good time. | ||
|
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Sage. | |
| A little bit of astrology. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| A little bit of everything. | ||
| A little bit of Sedona timeshare. | ||
| Hey, sometimes you gotta go to Sedona and sit through a 10 minute or 10 hour. | ||
| How often do you have to go a year? | ||
| No, okay, so what happened is this. | ||
| So, I told Kim, I said, Kimmy, we're going on vacation. | ||
| Pack your bags, we're going to Sedona. | ||
| She involved me. | ||
| Yeah, and then when I called, they said, well, on this date you have to go to a 120 minute presentation. | ||
| And I said, nope. | ||
| Because that's where it goes down. | ||
| They lock you in a room, and that's where they make you really sign up. | ||
| But I heard it gets bad. | ||
| I heard sometimes they drug you. | ||
| Hey, you can't say that. | ||
| They get you drunk. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Everything I said is a lie. | ||
| Nothing I've ever said is the truth. | ||
| Okay, so then... | ||
| What can you say? | ||
|
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So then, guess what, Joe? | |
| Yeah, but you can't say that because they'll sue you. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Big timeshare. | ||
| Big timeshare. | ||
|
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|
These people, you're saying you hear they drug you? | |
| There's a news article about a couple that got locked in a room, they gave them a weird drink, and then they bought a timeshare, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| They're drugged? | ||
| You're serious? | ||
| Can you look up a couple getting drugged in a timeshare? | ||
| And I'm not saying that they do. | ||
| I'm saying that this couple said that. | ||
| Okay, so she told me- Something funky happened with their drink. | ||
| She told me this, and then everyone I talked to was like, you can't go to Sedona! | ||
| Drunk down presentation signing, couple reconsert nightmare. | ||
| Where was this? | ||
| Some even claimed they were a drug. | ||
| CBS. I gotta pee. | ||
| All-inclusive resorts in Mexico suspected of drugging tourists. | ||
| That was in 2017. What is that? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| Are they drugging them to try to get them to- Sign up! | ||
| I saw it, and they were like, suddenly, by the time, then you're splitting a fucking place in Mexico with 10 other people. | ||
|
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|
Tainted. | |
| Wait a minute, it just says tainted alcohol. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Why has there been so much taint talk? | ||
| Alcohol of drinks with alcohol of bad quality and great amounts. | ||
| Oh, no, that's just bad drinks. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't that weird that it said, like, suspected of drugging tourists? | ||
| But when you click on it, that's deceptive, right? | ||
| The one right there? | ||
| Oh, the headline being deceptive, no way. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because, like, what it actually said they did versus what they really did, what they did is, like, they served them bad alcohol. | ||
| The alcohol was bad, but they weren't drugging the tourists. | ||
| They were just being assholes, and they hadn't gotten rid of their... | ||
| They were drugged. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Okay, so listen, so then I decided I'm not gonna go to Sedona, even though I paid for the vacation, and I had to eat the cost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Because I didn't want to get locked into a room. | ||
| So here it says extortion and all these cases. | ||
| There's a bunch of cases. | ||
| Three or four cases of similar weird things happening in people probably at the same place. | ||
| Okay, so some people probably did get drugged. | ||
| And they're probably... | ||
| Yeah, that could be... | ||
| That's their excuse. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But now they have a place in Hawaii that they share with seven other people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they have a time share in Oahu. | |
| In Oahu. | ||
| Go to chill out on the beach. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| The dream is like a place on the Big Island or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, I like Hawaii. | ||
| The thing about the Big Island though, it's alive. | ||
| Every now and then it spits out lava. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a little too alive for me. | ||
| It's really alive. | ||
| Spitting out lava. | ||
| The day after I was there last with my family, it happened. | ||
| Yeah, there's an eruption. | ||
| There's a great video of them. | ||
| There was one a few years back that engulfed this Mustang. | ||
| This Mustang was parked in the street and the lava comes across the street and just destroys the car. | ||
| It's gone forever. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, these people live on an active volcano. | ||
| It's the reason why Hawaii exists in the first place. | ||
| It's a volcano that erupted out of the ocean, and it became this insane paradise. | ||
| Pull this video up of the lava eating the... | ||
| We should end this soon, too. | ||
| It's a long-ass podcast. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Because we're having fun. | ||
| We were having fun. | ||
| Oh my gosh! | ||
| Isn't that insane? | ||
| That looks like a mud pie. | ||
| Watch when it hits the car. | ||
| It looks like an Oreo. | ||
| Look what it just does. | ||
| The car just goes right through it. | ||
| It just goes right through it. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| Just turns it into nothing. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's the earth. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| That's the center of the earth. | ||
| That's the center of the world? | ||
| That's the real center of the world coming out. | ||
| That's the real center. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| We found the real center of the world, Kim, while you're going. | ||
| Yeah, we were talking about Hawaii being the ultimate dream to live on the Big Island, but it is an active volcano, and this happened recently. | ||
|
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|
Jesus. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It just consumed a car. | ||
| You know, not very many things happen the way you imagine as a child, and that's what I imagine happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we all made that baking soda volcano. | ||
| Most people are not scared of volcanoes, but it's one of the scariest things in all of nature. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't seem scary in my head. | ||
| Well, have you ever heard of supervolcanoes? | ||
| Supervolcanoes have knocked human beings down to just a few thousand people, like 70,000 years ago. | ||
| Was it the Toba? | ||
| The Toba eruption? | ||
| Yeah, there's one in the middle of Yellowstone. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's a caldera volcano, a giant-ass volcano in the middle of Yellowstone. | ||
| How big can it? | ||
| It's so big. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| But how much can it take out? | ||
| It's like 300 kilometers across. | ||
| Oh, it will take out most of the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Okay, we're gonna worry about bears, sharks, anacondas, volcanoes, aliens. | ||
| People drugging you at all-inclusive resorts. | ||
| Timeshares. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Timeshares. | |
| You gotta worry about cults, everything. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| Gotta keep your head on a fucking swivel. | ||
| Keep your head on a fucking swivel. | ||
| It's a gas station sticker. | ||
| You gotta think of something beautiful. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Let's end with that. | ||
| Go back to that gas station. | ||
| That bumper sticker that changed Kim's life. | ||
| Now it changed ours. | ||
| Well, listen, ladies, I'm very happy we did this. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| This was really fun. | ||
| So much fun with you. | ||
| When was the last time we did it? | ||
| 2014. Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| You girls are veterans in the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I know. | ||
| They're doing the road. | ||
| I want to see the two and see us nine years ago being like... | ||
| Today we went off. | ||
| We probably caused lawsuits. | ||
| So tell everybody your social medias. | ||
| Tell everybody your social medias. | ||
| At Princess. | ||
| Princess like normal. | ||
| And then Shank. | ||
| S-H-E-N-K. That's where everything is. | ||
| I have a link tree with all my show dates. | ||
| And you can find everything there. | ||
| Both pods. | ||
| This bitch and Shank. | ||
| And I have a Patreon. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Kim? | ||
| You guys can follow me on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. | ||
| Instagram at Kim Congdon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at y'all. | |
| You're shy now. | ||
| Twitch.tv slash queencong1. | ||
| Patreon.com slash Kim Congdon. | ||
| Do you play video games on Twitch? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I stream, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| I love it. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| If I could just sit at home. | ||
| If you guys like to watch it, because I want to do that all day and then go do stand-up at night. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| She plays Fortnite. | ||
| I hear ya. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| You know, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's the pod. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That's our boy, Bobby Lee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Check out the pod. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Show dates at KimCongdon.com. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
|
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|
Ladies. | |
| Thank you for having us. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye-bye. |
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