Chris Distefano reveals his Zero Fasting weight-loss success after Elon Musk’s tweet, while debunking Henry Lee Lucas’ false confessions via Blackbird’s Larry Hall case. He credits his father’s gambling wisdom—avoiding "doubling up" on emotional or financial risks—for steering him toward comedy and fitness consistency, like Jeff Cavaliere’s AthleanX pull-up gains. Both praise unfiltered honesty in stand-up over woke social media trends, linking addiction struggles to systemic failures, from childhood trauma to medical errors. Ultimately, the episode blends dark humor with raw insights on resilience, success, and the chaos of modern life. [Automatically generated summary]
Anthony Aiden and he's one of those guys like a MMA guy so it's like you know he's selling these nice glasses but then he's got the cauliflower ear and he's got he's always got like bruises on his face yeah I met him in New York very nice guy he gave me a beautiful pair of sunglasses like with like rose colored shades yeah they're very nice they're transition lenses and yeah mine too And the thing is with these, is this is, you know, I'm going for it, right?
No, because I didn't even know, I love sports and stuff, but I'm not into, not that I'm not into boxing, I just don't ever like watch it that much.
And so the guy that I'm with, he was like, oh, the fight's happening now.
So he's like, I got a site and we started, I was eating ice cream yesterday in San Francisco in Little Italy.
And I only eat sweets once a week now.
So yesterday was my sweets day.
Nice.
I got four scoops of gelato.
So I was three and a half scoops in, and the blood sugar, the way it hit, I was getting woozy, but it's like what I've been waiting for.
And I'm watching the fight happen, and then San Francisco, right outside, I see two homeless guys Fighting.
Like, legitimately fighting.
And it was kind of one of those things where, I swear to God, even though amazing fighters, that, you know, Paul and Fury, the fight outside was so much more entertaining.
I mean, I've never seen this.
I saw a homeless man yesterday in front of, as the kid out in the green room, as my witness, roundhouse kick another, land a roundhouse kick to the chin.
The other homeless guy's face, the guy hit up against some outdoor dining, was like shell-shocked, like, you know, like woozy, bleeding from his lip, and then just scurried off.
But there's like such a combination of factors that humans have to address.
If they really want to address homelessness, you really have to address...
Kids that grow up in the foster care system.
You have to address childhood abuse.
You have to address family history of drug addiction.
You have to address crime.
There's so many factors that lead into someone being homeless.
And the idea that you're just going to give them housing or you're just going to give them tents and everything's going to be fine.
It's like, no, you can't just ignore that as an issue.
The amount of money that it costs to have massive populations of homeless people is extraordinary.
If they just put the same amount or maybe more to prepare for the future into some sort of like comprehensive program to try to help people that are fucked up like that and clean them up, and it would probably have to involve psychedelic drugs.
They don't know the accomplishment of doing a thing and getting better at it and improving upon and realizing that's kind of a vehicle for improving yourself.
They haven't experienced positive things.
This is why it drives me fucking crazy.
Whenever anyone says, pull them up by their own bootstraps.
To tell people to go, figure it out yourself.
I did.
These people...
You're not dealing with the even starting line.
If everybody had an even starting line, that would make sense.
If everybody had a mom and a dad and they grew up in a house where no one smoked crack and fucking shot at each other.
If you grew up in a place like that, okay.
If we all grew up and we all had a good school to go to with good education and nice teachers that cared, but that's not everybody's experience.
And until we fucking fix that, you're never going to fix this homeless problem.
The Fresno skid row that I saw was, I think, the worst I've ever seen.
I'm sorry, no.
Yeah, it was San Jose, I should say.
San Jose was really, really, really fucking bad.
Over there, I was like, Jesus Christ.
And Vancouver.
I just went to Vancouver.
That was the one where I was like, I did not know that Vancouver had such a...
See, I think what Vancouver and these cities are doing is they're just putting their homeless in one section.
Because I live in New York.
I'm in New York every day.
There are homeless and they're spread out through the city, but you never see blocks of tents like you see in San Francisco and Vancouver.
So when I was there, I was like, this doesn't feel like the right move either.
You know, to just put them in one corner because New York...
They're spread out, but you don't feel them as much.
It's dangerous, but not really where San Francisco, Vancouver, they were like, you know, one of the local comics I was with in San Fran, he was like, you cannot leave anything in your car around this theater.
You cannot.
They will break in.
And I saw about four or five windows busted out, which you never see that in New York.
And I think the police in Vancouver and San Fran, from what the people were telling me, that's a district.
They don't care.
They don't even go into that district.
They just let it be a free-for-all, which I understand from the government.
It's like, well, this is our last resort, but I don't know that that's going to necessarily work.
If you don't have a system of law and order, you have too many people that would just give in with no consequences to crime.
And that's not their fault in a lot of cases.
I mean, we can go through that and talk about determinism and what we've already talked about before about everybody doesn't have an even starting line.
But you've got to address that it's a problem, and you've got to address for peaceful people.
They have to be able to walk down the street and not worry about getting assaulted and robbed.
And if that happens all the time, you've got a fundamental breakdown of what your society...
In societies, strong are supposed to protect the vulnerable.
And if you're not doing that, then you don't have a society.
And then you also have this crazy gun laws, and it's a little difficult to...
You're not allowed a concealed carry.
There's a lot of...
So there's no consequence of people coming after It's not like it's like fucking the Wild West out there.
It's just the prevalence of crime has increased pretty noticeably.
Yeah, he's like, so you didn't see any of this shit.
He was like, so you just had the privilege of growing up in a New York City and in America that you were at the top of the Roman Empire.
He was like, and now what you're seeing is kind of a little bit more of the fabric society.
He was like, my dad's like, I grew up in the 60s, 70s, and 80s.
This is just reminding me of old New York.
He's like, I kind of like this grittiness of this, but you grew up, everybody's safe.
That was never going to be real.
He was like, and you know, it will probably come back.
At some point, but it's going to take a long, long time.
But I don't know.
I feel like now, like in my, you know, when I'm, even like my mom, I want to take my daughter to Times Square to the American Girl doll store.
And I just, I couldn't believe it.
I was like, no, I can't allow you to take her.
She's like, what?
It's I'm your mom, your granddaughter.
We'll go on the train and I'll take her to the store and I'll be back.
I was like, no, I won't be able to function.
My anxiety won't be able to function of thinking about you and my daughter on the train.
Because if there's a homeless person down there that's crazy off his meds and he throws one of you in front of the tracks and something happens, I won't be able to live with myself.
And those thoughts were never in my head ever.
They were never, ever, ever in my head, but now they are.
And I don't know if it's because it's reality, the media, something.
He was a beat cop, 21 years old, when Giuliani implemented this stop and frisk thing.
And he said, look, he was like, I'm being honest.
My friend, he's a Latino guy.
He's like, I promise you, our sergeant would come in every morning, talk to us about stop and frisk, and he said, you stop each race, ethnicity, religion, you stop everybody equally, okay?
He said, that's what you're looking for.
Everything is equal, okay?
He said, but his beat was Times Square.
He said, now if I went in to Times Square and I grab a group of kids, pat them down, they have something, right?
But they're, you know, from a socioeconomic status that, you know, is a little impoverished, whatever, what am I supposed to do?
Say, oh, you have a gun and a knife and drugs on you, but I'm not going to take this off you.
I'm just going to let you go back out into society.
He said, no, I would have to then arrest them.
He said, well, then I would take another group of kids that wouldn't have anything, and then you let them go.
He said, and then that became...
Like, they brought race and identity politics into that type of policing, but we were stopping everybody equally.
It's just crime is in certain areas for certain reasons.
He was like, that's above my pay grade.
He said, but when they stopped that stop and frisk, he said, the reason, the thing, what's happening, at least in New York now, he said, it's we'll know that somebody has a gun or a weapon.
We'll know that they're a career criminal.
We know.
He said, but we are not allowed to...
To intervene at all unless they act first.
He said, so that creates a lot of confidence for the criminal and it creates a lot of, you know, we are scared.
He was like, flat out, I'm scared to apprehend someone because the police union, if I make a mistake or if it looks like I made a mistake, it's not going to have my back and I'm going to get sued and lose my family and lose my life.
So you start to say, well, we know you have shit, but just deal with it.
Unless you're raping, murdering someone, then I'll intervene.
But that little petty shit, I'm not going to get involved in anymore.
And when you think about the power that you give someone, where they could just walk up to anyone, some businessman they don't like, some fucking guy who thinks he's hot shit, some guy who's with his friends who's a little too loud, you just walk up to them and go, come on, let me see all your shit.
I'm going to touch you in front of everybody, make you feel uncomfortable.
Shouldn't you have to commit a crime before the police are allowed to frisk you and take your stuff?
Shouldn't you at least be accused of a crime?
Shouldn't there at least be some sort of criminal behavior where the police have to intervene?
Because then they're like, people are going to self-correct.
And you're going to act differently in order to try to stop the cops from doing this to you.
That's like a freedom issue.
That's a real egregious attack on freedom, to just be able to point at someone and be able to just frisk them.
No crime, no nothing.
That's a weird power to give police.
And that's not good.
The other thing's not good either.
It's not good to take away all their power either.
It's not good to...
To make it so the cops are terrified to respond to a call, that's not good either.
So there needs to be some sort of a logical recognition of what the issues are.
I don't know if you guys spoke about it on the show.
I just saw something when I was coming in today that one section of the war in Russia, the Ukrainian soldiers on the front line have a four-hour lifespan.
And it was funny, like my family were all laughing hot, Pat Howard Stern running around my tits, you know, and my daughter, everybody's having fun.
And then, it's on my birthday, August, so just a few months ago, and then I go in the shower, right, and I'm not even thinking, it's not even in my head, out of nowhere, Hysterical crying bawling crying like something hit me that I was suppressing like literally like Uncontrollable tears like snot coming out of my nose like a seven-year-old could not stop and something like broke Inside of me and then I think this is where the universe comes in.
It's not that it happened like I think I just had probably seen stuff like this before but now that my eyes were open to look I started taking in information and I'm on Twitter like you know Two hours later, just mindlessly scrolling, dealing with the emotions, whatever.
And I see a tweet from Elon Musk.
And he wasn't promoting this.
It was a genuine tweet.
He goes, the Zero Intermittent Fasting app is awesome.
That's all he wrote.
And I said, I'm going to download that app right now.
And I downloaded this app, Zero Fasting app.
And I'm just like, I'm just going to do this for two weeks.
I'm just going to stay in an eight hour, six or eight hour feeding window.
Don't worry about not eating sweets or pizza.
Just eat all the food you want to eat, but just eat it in that window.
But basically, when I start eating, like let's say I start eating, my first meal is at 10am.
I'm eating from 10 to 6. And at 6pm, I press the button, start fasting.
And then it starts to go.
And then at 10am, I'll get a notification the next day, Feeding window over, congratulations.
And then the more time you stay in the fast, it'll say, now you're in the fat burning, now you're in the ketosis, whatever.
And so I just said to myself, I'm gonna stay to this.
And dude, in those two weeks, even though I was eating bullshit, in two weeks, It's not that the weight dropped, but the composition of my body was starting to change.
And I noticed, I was like, oh, I ran like half a mile more.
I had 10 more pounds on the end of the bench press.
And then it just became like, this is what I do now.
Now I'm Chrissy intermittent fasting, but then I think the glasses and the watch is from the fasting.
Well, she gets worried about me because I go harder, go home.
And she's like, you go too fast.
She goes, you go from zero to 100, and I just worry that you've lost all this weight in this good period, quick period of time, and I just worry that there's a, you know, you go too hard and then something else happens.
Because she reminded me, she's like, remember the last time you lost all this weight this quick?
It was 2018. And I said, yeah.
And she's like, and then remember all of 2019, you thought you were gay?
I, you know, I got a family to run, so I try to be responsible financially.
I spoke to my accountant.
I said, you know, is it okay to buy this watch?
He said, this is a new Chrissy, huh?
I said, yeah, I want to live in this.
He goes, you sure that's not a spur-of-the-moment decision?
I said, I said to my accountant, I said, fucking, do I have the green light or what?
I'm ready to go.
And he was like, you can do it.
It's an appreciating asset.
So that's why I don't mind you doing it.
You can do it.
It appreciates.
Fine.
Do it.
And then I fucking did it.
And I got to be honest, when I put this on, there was a part of me that was like, what are you doing, Chris?
What are you doing?
This is not you.
What are you doing?
But now that I've had it on, it kind of, you know what happened?
It's like I instantly put it on.
I'm beautiful.
Beautiful watch.
I instantly put it on and it took me back to 2010, to March of 2010, and I hadn't even thought about this when I made the decision to do comedy.
I was on the elliptical at Force Fitness in Ridgewood, Queens.
Shout out Force Fitness.
I was on the elliptical working out like a stepmom.
And I was hitting those calories, and I was going hard.
Go hard or go home.
That's always been who I am.
And I was on the elliptical, and I had been thinking about the idea of doing comedy for years, but I didn't have the balls to do it.
And I said, Chris, something popped in my head.
I was listening to Fall Out Boy on my headphone.
It was, you know, at an iPod back then.
I was listening to Fall Out Boy, and something about the beat and the song gave me this adrenaline rush, and I started thinking about being on stage trying stand-up.
And I said, once you get off this elliptical, once you hit your 45 minutes, you're going to get off, you're going to go back to your mother's house where you live, you're going to take a shower, and you're going to go find an open mic.
And you're going to do this now.
And I said, I'm doing it.
And I did it.
I went and found the creek in the cave when it was Long Island City, Queens.
Shout out Rebecca Trent.
First open mic.
And I walked into that open mic.
If 2010 and I saw a young Mark Norman, a young Sam Morrill, a young Michael Che, all open micers.
Nobody knew.
And I knew they had already been doing it.
And I was like, these guys are great.
And I went in there, did my five minutes, absolutely bombed.
But I said, I'm not turning back and I'm going to go on this journey of comedy.
And when I put this watch on, something like teleported me back there and was like, dude, that decision, you went from the elliptical to affording this watch with jokes.
And I was like, be proud of yourself.
Don't...
One of my close friends was like, you're a fucking douche for that.
I mean, it's amazing that there's so many of them out there, though, that you can get them off your phone instantaneously.
Like, people mock, like, meme quotes and inspirational quotes.
But if you could find out about Socrates in, like, a five-second little Instagram photo, and you read a quote, you're like, wow, that's pretty profound.
And then you go and read more of Socrates, and then next thing you know, you're, like, reading his books.
Normal date, just met him, I think, at the supermarket.
Goes on a date with this guy, and she's at the table with him, and she feels very, like, an ominous feeling looking at this man.
She's like, I'm looking at him, and I can see, like, there's nothing behind his eyes.
Like, there's just something that I don't like about this guy.
So to the point where she has never done this, you know, she was only 18, but since this has never done this, she went to a payphone at the restaurant, called her brother, and was like, can you please come pick me up, like, immediately, and stayed in the bathroom until her brother was outside, and went in the car and left.
And she was like, I'm just creeped out by this guy.
I can't explain it.
I'm creeped out.
All this energy.
I'm creeped out, creeped out.
Now, he had this man had picked her up from her house.
So the brother had a paper route.
He's leaving the next morning at 5 a.m.
See some ruffling in the bushes.
Okay?
Crazy, right?
Like, whatever.
Sees a guy running out of the bushes.
Says, holy shit, whatever.
Runs back in the house.
Tells his mom and dad.
Sister wakes up.
Says he was wearing, like, a beige jacket.
She's like, that's the guy I was on a date with.
Like, that.
He was, like, waiting.
He must have been, like, waiting for me, right?
Whatever.
Goes on.
Life goes on.
What a psycho lunatic boyfriend.
Three years later.
Ted Bundy, on the news, face, she was on a date with Ted Bundy before he had committed any murders, or he had committed murders but had not been famous for it yet, had not been convicted of it yet.
She said when he saw him, she literally almost fell out of her chair because she was like, that look.
She said that Ted Bundy about, you know, how, you know, everyone says he's so handsome, whatever.
She said he would get a look over him when he was praying on a victim, which she felt she was being prayed on, that she doesn't even look.
He's like, he does not look like that.
His face configures and contorts to something that looks so sinister that she literally was like, get me away from him now.
She said, you know, based off when all his crimes were exposed, from what the FBI said when she went on a date with him, let's say it was 1978, he had already been connected to murders and other parts of that.
Because his first murders were in, like, the Utah region, and that's where they were.
And then, I think I might have said this on the last one, but T.T. Jerry, when she was in prison, served prison time with the son of Sam.
She shared a wall with the son of Sam.
Two murderers.
She shared one with the son of Sam and Ronald DeFeo from the Amityville Horror House.
The man who killed all those people in the movie, the Amityville Horror, who was really based off Ronald DeFeo.
She was in prison with both of them at the same time.
And the prisoners from Escape from Dannemora, who like that Showtime show that they made.
So she was in like real deal prisoners, but she said the son of Sam.
Now, this was months before the Netflix documentary came out.
T.T. Jerry said, you know, the son of Sam, David, did not kill all those people.
He was involved in a cult.
There were other murderers, but the city pinned it all on him.
And then a few months later, this Netflix documentary comes out, came out a couple of years ago, basically saying that most likely son of Sam did not kill all those people.
He killed maybe one or two, but there was other murderers that just got away with it.
They think that what really happened was they came up to him and they said, you know, hey, Henry, you know, there was a few people that were killed behind the bushes in Indianapolis in 76. We'd sure love to solve that crime.
But basically the premise is based on a true story.
This guy, the hottie with the body, he gets convicted 10 years in prison for gun charges.
I think he's a guy out of Massachusetts.
So, and he was a good con man, right?
This is all real.
Good con man, you know, gift a gab, whatever.
So the FBI wants to pin the guy with the mutton chops, Hauser, they want to pin, Larry Hall is his name in real life, they want to pin murders on him.
They know that they've kind of caught up to his game now.
They know that he lies about murders here, to commit murders here, they know it, but they got to convict, they got to get him to confess to one of these murders because they found the girl's body.
Because he was killing kids, like 14 year old girls, like brutal shit, raping them, horrific.
So they say to this kid, to the jacked guy, they say, look, you got the gift of gab.
You got 10 years in federal prison, okay?
You're three months into your sentence.
We're gonna transfer you to this maximum security prison where Larry Hall is.
If you can get him to confess To the murder of this girl that we have evidence on and you can get that your sentences commuted immediately and you're out of prison.
That's all you got to do.
But he was in a minimum security prison so he would be able to either coast through 10 years or take a chance and go to the prison with murderers, rapists and potentially be murdered in the shower stall.
But if he can get this guy, gift a gab, and get him to confess, then he'll get out.
Oh, and by the way, before, let me just finish a thought about Jerry.
What I want to say is the Son of Sam thing, he said, you know, he was a serial killer.
Yes.
And don't get me wrong, murderer, you know, deserves to be in prison.
He said the biggest fucking lunatic, like he was like the only person who I met.
I was like, this guy needs to be like either put to death or kept like in a cage, like under the jail.
He said it was Ronald DeFeo, who the Amityville Horror House guy, because he said he would cook for him all the time, Ronald DeFeo, and he would, like, let Ronald DeFeo, like, jerk off to him.
They would put, like, a prison mirror, and he would, like...
Because he was trans, Jerry, so he would shake his ass a little bit and let Ronald, like, get his rocks off, whatever.
He didn't care.
He said, but every morning, he would make Ronald DeFeo Jr. like a little breakfast on his little...
They had little hot stoves in there.
They would let prisoners like Jerry, after you did enough time, give you some stuff.
He'd make a little bacon and stuff for him.
And he said, every morning, like clockwork, seven days a week, every morning, bring Ronald his food and say, how was your night, Ronald?
How are you feeling?
He was like, good.
I feel good.
I didn't kill my grandma.
It's the only thing.
I killed everyone in that house, but I did not get my grandma.
But everything other than that, it's good.
And Terry would be like, okay.
So he's like, still, he's in prison.
And that is true.
The only one he didn't kill in that house, the grandma either got out or wasn't there.
But he was like, there's no rehabilitation for that man.
He genuinely believes if he does not kill his...
He would say to him, if I don't kill my grandma, I'm not getting into heaven.
You need to be trained, and it needs to be a position that's difficult to acquire that gets respected.
Now, how do you make that shift?
But it's got to be like...
You know, people are terrified of this concept of militarizing the police, and rightly so.
You don't want tanks rolling down the street and martial law and dictators who are essentially, you know, they used to be governors and now they're dictators and they're controlling populations.
But you don't want untrained people in that role, and you don't want people that don't have a real clear understanding of what to do in any scenario.
So they have to run drills the same way they do it in the military.
In the military, they're constantly training.
If you're in a special operations group, like my friends that have been the SEALs, They fucking constantly train for any scenario they're trying to do.
Any breach they're trying to get into a house.
They train.
That's a thing that police should be doing too, all the time.
Jocko Willink, who was a Navy SEAL commander.
I know Jocko, sure, of course.
He's the man.
I love that guy to death.
But one of the things that he said is like, you have to train people in order for them to be able to respond in high-pressure situations.
So you have to train them.
Of all the possible scenarios, and by the way, you should be able to have some sort of physical confrontation.
You cannot be completely unskilled physically and be a police officer and be 100% effective.
Germany was ravaged, World War I, high inflation, so all Hitler and the Nazi party did was say, we're going back pro-German, everything's coming through Germany, jobs coming through Germany, Germany, Germany, Germany.
So people looked at that and saw patriotism and nationalism in the United States and said, I fuck with that, I support that.
If you told a 1935 German that, hey, in six years, you're going to be gassing and exterminating fellow German citizens that are Jewish, they would say, not possible.
That's not going to happen.
But then it did.
Just like the same.
If you told someone in 1855, hey, six years from now, you're going to be a civil war.
Brothers are going to be killed.
They would say, no, no, that's not going to happen.
Pro-American rally, catered by the bakery in my neighborhood.
So I know one thing for sure at this rally, they had excellent Linzer tarts.
The Linzer tarts in that bakery, I mean, unbelievable.
Yeah, look at that.
I mean, yeah, so that's the thing is like, you know, and I get it like today's society like the kids, you know They'll just get a five-second clip on tik-tok and think they know the history of the world.
They're not reading the books They're not doing the research, you know, I watch this stuff and it's it's it's you know, no excuse for what the Germans did It was horrifying.
And you see they had George Washington in the back.
That was the background, because they were honoring...
The Germans and the Americans at that time believed, oh, you know...
Dude, I read a book called The Nazi Symbiosis that kind of said that...
The president, you know, Winston Churchill and FDR knew about the Holocaust stuff happening.
They knew about it.
You know, they had their intelligence, right?
Secret Service, whatever.
And they knew about it.
But the Holocaust in initial stages, horrific, can't state that enough, but was yielding...
I don't know the exact ones, but there were different types of medications that we use today that came out of the Holocaust, different types of lab results, because they were just using them as guinea pigs, human beings.
So it was yielding results, and so they were allowing it to happen.
It wasn't until Hitler Crossed the line.
I mean, he crossed the line from the beginning, but went, stopped yielding results and just started gassing everybody.
Did Churchill and everybody say, okay, now we got to go in.
So nobody's innocent.
You know what I mean?
Nobody's innocent in the war.
You know, like I just did a whole, I do a segment on, I do a YouTube thing called Christories, where I do a history thing, and I just did the rape of Nan King.
Well, I think we're just aware of human nature now in a different way.
If you look at the work of guys like Steven Pinker that talk about crime in history, and if you look at the trend, everything is going to a less violent, safer place to live with less crime.
I agree.
Our history is so filled with it.
It's so filled with horrific actions in war.
If you just go from the moment people started writing things down, they're writing down the history of war.
They're writing down the history of conquest.
They're writing down the history of raids.
They're writing down...
It's like baked into people.
And if you give people, especially back then with no internet, right?
No way for other people to find out.
No way.
Unless the newspapers are reporting on it.
Unless you have boots on the ground.
You have photographs.
You have to have video.
It's so hard for the truth to get out.
So they could do whatever the fuck they wanted if they had the guns.
And people have...
It's almost like...
If you put us in that scenario, you put us in the scenario of war, it's like a program that just gets activated in our minds, and we can murder other people very easily.
There's programs that, like, one of the things you find out when you hunt The first time I ever went hunting, I shot this deer and I was like, oh, wow.
You took a life.
This is like a program in the brain that we're going to eat this now.
If you told me, Chris, you can never have Nutella or pizza again because it's going to cost you your family, I'd be like, I don't know if I can do it.
I'm going to get mad.
Well, I think painkillers and drugs is like that for certain people.
So whatever you're addicted to, even if it's positive, their brain chemistry is attached to it in the same way that you need to eat elk or whatever it may be.
Well, I think we're We're talking on a spectrum here because the Nutella spectrum is like the smallest measurement versus the heroin where you have bone aches and you're fucking shaking like a leaf and sweating because you need to get your fix.
So I'm hosting a show, comes out March 7th on Vice, about 70s, 80s, and 90s, and we do a whole thing about fanny packs, because they were huge in the 80s and 90s.
Like retro stuff, and I'm happy that they're coming back.
But the documentary actually says that Whitney Houston was sexually molested by her aunt as a child, which you don't ever really hear.
A female child being molested by another female child, and it was Dionne Warwick's sister, was her aunt who molested her, and that they believe Whitney Houston has struggled with her drug abuses because she was a lesbian.
But then the scientists say, well, was she a lesbian or was she molested at a young age by a woman and then, you know, warped her sexual kind of part of her brain, and now she thinks she is, but she's not.
Very interesting.
But I personally think that the best voice of all time, and the 1975 I saw in an interview once, said that they were inspired by Whitney Houston.
I said, this is my fucking band, dude.
This is my band.
And then even meet and greets.
I would do meet and greets after shows, and I would just feel, I couldn't articulate it, but I would feel disgusting.
I would feel like I'm doing these meet and greets and I'm stealing these people's money and I hate the way I feel in my skin doing these meet and greets and I've agreed to them and I hate them and I was counting down the shows to when they were gone because I said I'm giving you my performance.
I'm proud of my comedy but to make you You know, charge you $25, take a picture with me.
I feel disgusting.
I would take the picture with you for free, but it was something that I wanted to try out, and I regretted it.
And then I saw an interview from Matty Healy of the 1975 talk about meet and greets, and I felt like he was talking directly to me.
He said, and he articulated what I was feeling.
He said, Here's the thing.
If you're an artist and you're doing meet and greets, right?
Whatever you want to do is fine.
But here's what it actually is.
He said, instead of going through a third party or ticket master for the add-on fee of the meet and greet, why don't you take the picture with the fan after the show and then ask them to give you $25 cash and see how that makes you feel because that is exactly what you're doing.
And I was like, bro...
You just said what I felt.
And I stopped the meet and greets immediately.
And I have profoundly less money and I do have to pay the loan back on this watch, but I do feel better as a person.
I get that people see it as an extra source of revenue, and I get that they see it as something that people are willing to pay because they want to meet you and they want to take a photo with you.
But I felt like now, you know, I feel like doing the show, having, you know, the fan, I believe I give them the best show I can, so that's hopefully worth the money for them.
But not doing the me and greed, even though it's less money, I don't care.
I'm so much happier.
I've made a decision because I don't want to miss time in my daughter's lives.
I just don't.
I got my kids.
I'm my stepson.
I just don't want to be away from them.
And I understand, well, that's going to come with...
Sacrifice and you may not ever be the best comedian of all time or do arenas.
All that's fine.
To me, not missing their jujitsu and getting to do homework with them is worth it for me at this point in my life.
I didn't miss nearly as much as I would have missed if I was doing the road all the time I go out of my way to do Little things that my kids do events and hang with them and we have family time right?
We try to watch movies together and do stuff together and play together like you gotta like have fun together and I think if you're if you're gone for like long stretches I don't like being gone for three days.
Three days fucks with my feelings.
Three days makes me uncomfortable.
I love going on vacations.
Vacations are some of my favorite times because then we're with each other 24-7.
Because I had Louis C.K. on my Chrissy Chaos podcast.
I know you've had him a bunch of times.
I know you guys are friends.
I was talking to Louis...
And I was talking about how my daughters and my stepson are young right now.
You know, we've got 12, 7, and 1. They're kids.
So I said, I don't want to go on the road so much right now because I want to be with them.
And even though it's costing me money and my agent will be like, you got to add shows here.
I'm like, no, I want to go home with my family.
I want to be with my family.
I know it's going to cost me money, but not everything in my life is money.
I want to spend time with my kids.
And so I said, but I figure, you know, when they get older, you know, and they're going to not want to hang out with me, right?
So I said, that's when I'll, God willing, go on the world tour or whatever.
And he said, you have that all wrong, man.
And I was like, what do you mean?
He said, take it from me.
Louie's saying this.
He's like, you know, I have daughters who are older, in their 20s.
He said, what happens is, is when they get older...
Yes, they want to go out and be with their friends and do that and they don't need dad or mom as much as they did when they were your children's age.
He said, but your time with them is actually so much more precious because they have less time to give you.
So if you're on the world tour and they only had that hour a week to give you and you weren't home for it, Well, now you've missed the opportunity for that hour with your kids because they were willing to give you a time, but you weren't there.
So he said, so the way you're thinking now, believe it or not, even if this means you won't get to the world-famous arena tour...
He was like, you're doing the right thing.
He said, Louie said, he was like, you know, I was on stage at the TD, Louie was on stage at the TD Garden, you know, he's like doing this arena tour and amazing and all that.
And he was like, I could tell you, I just want to, you should only go around that arena tour, go around that top shelf one time.
He was like, because you realize that you can't live up there.
You got to hit a cruising altitude.
He was like, you got to be Chrissy Cruising Altitude.
You got to think, where am I going to live for the majority of my career?
And he was like, that's where you want to be.
Go up there.
If you get an opportunity, go up there.
Taste the air.
There's not a lot of oxygen up there.
Use the Mount Everest example.
You don't have a lot of oxygen at the top.
You can't stay up there for long.
But he said, if you get there, take the opportunity.
But do it once.
And then cruising altitude and have time with your family.
He was like, you know, there's so many moments in my daughter's lives where I was making all this money and doing this, but I miss this or I miss that.
And, you know, you have it in your mind right now.
Like, I'm not going to miss things in my kids' lives.
But it is hard because I'm like, man, I could, you know, be adding shows and making more money and be more successful.
I mean, it would be amazing to get to a level like you, but you can do whatever you want to do.
Wherever you go, you can sell as many tickets as humanly possible and all that, and you have all the opportunity in the world, but do you ever feel like you wake up and you're like, damn, I don't want to be this Joe Rogan.
And when your time with your family, you just say, I'm going to be with them when I'm with them, and I'm going to give them 100%, and then when I go on the road, it's for them kind of thing.
Well, that's what strikes me about you is because obviously, you know, it's public, you know, financially very well and so successful, but it doesn't feel like you're motivated by money.
It feels like I'd be like, I bet you, not that I know anything, but I bet you Joe Rogan, if you spoke to Rogan's kids, they think he's a great dad.
Because I'm like, oh, he's there.
So I'm like, how do I get...
You know, the financial success and also be there at the same time.
But I'm hearing from you, maybe it's just, you know.
And I think once you have enough money, you have to realize that you have enough money.
And I think a lot of people don't.
I think a lot of people, once they get a ton of money, they want more and more and more.
Like, you know, Jeff Bezos doesn't But I think quality of life is the most important thing.
And I think if you're really thinking about the numbers more than you think about the other stuff, you're taking away bandwidth that your mind utilizes to get better at stuff.
You're taking bandwidth that could be for hanging out with my wife or hanging out with my friends.
I want to just be in the...
It's so corny to say, but I want to be in the moment.
I want to try to be in the moment as much as possible.
So the things that I have to think about the least...
Or if you're making good money and you're doing well, you don't have to think about that anymore.
So stop thinking about it.
Just concentrate on the things that got you there and trust this process.
Just do the best you can at podcasts.
Do the best you can at comedy.
Do the best you can at the things you concentrate on.
Do the best you can.
That's all you can do.
But that's the only thing that really achieves any real measurable success.
If you're concentrating on wanting it to be this or wanting it to be that, it's like I just don't think that's positive energy.
I don't think that's like well-used energy.
I think your energy should be spent doing the things you do.
That's why I could do so many different things because all the things that I do I enjoy doing.
And, you know, having a family and having a bunch of people counting on you, it also gives you some extra motivation, extra discipline.
It definitely does.
But at a certain point in time, that doesn't become the motivation anymore when you're okay.
So then the motivation becomes just do your best at whatever you're doing.
That's my motivation.
My motivation is 100% just try to do my best at whether it's hosting a podcast, or whether it's doing stand-up, or whether it's doing commentary, or just being a friend, or being a husband, or being a father, or just being a good neighbor.
I just try to do my best.
And I'm not always great at it.
I stumble at every single thing in that group, whether it's comedy, or UFC, or whatever the fuck it is.
It's complicated.
Life is complicated, but I'm always just trying to do my best.
It's pretty complicated because the things that we've talked about today, like the anxiety and the fact that I think a really positive move for you is getting off social media.
I recommend that to so many people.
And it's not that there's bad people that you interact with.
It's just people interact in a bad way in these things.
I would have done it too.
I'm not a hypocrite.
If I was 15, 16 years old and I had a Twitter account, oh my god, the mean shit that I would say to Chris DiStefano or to me or to fucking Bobby Lee or anybody.
You know what I've noticed too with getting off social media just from now being at a pretty significant time, seven months, is what I've learned is one of my favorite quotes from Teddy Roosevelt is, comparison is the thief of joy.
And what I realized is with being off social media, you know, I think the reason why I've been able to stick to this diet plan, exercise plan, and keep, you know, myself relatively healthy is because I'm not on social media scrolling, comparing myself to, you know, somebody who's jacked and ripped, you know, somebody who's going above and beyond.
And then what happens is subconsciously I would be We're good to go.
It's comparing myself to me.
I would compare myself to me all the time and that would make me depressed.
I would look at myself from six months ago, some perfectly crafted picture that I forgot about and say, you look good back then, Chris.
What the fuck were you doing then?
And then you look at yourself in the mirror now and you say, I don't like this, Chris.
Because you're comparing yourself to an unrealistic version of you, a perfectly crafted version of you.
And I didn't realize that.
And then the other big thing...
People talk a lot about the negative comments that we see as, you know, whatever, on social media.
It was the positive comments that were throwing off my mental state, too.
The positive comments were also putting me into an overdrive that was not helping me at all.
So now, I don't see anybody.
The only person I ever see that says anything positively or negative to me exists in the real realm, exists in the physical realm.
And that has profoundly changed my brain chemistry.
Dude, me and my girl Jasmine, you know, we were having some rough times the last time I came in here.
We were thinking maybe we were going to go back to co-parenting or whatever.
We are as close as we've ever been in the last eight years.
Because now, I would also didn't even realize.
Like, I would see, you know...
Innocently, subconsciously, a woman on social media that was a, you know, a fitness instructor and a medical doctor.
And I would be like, start to subconsciously think, well, wouldn't my life be easier with her?
Wouldn't it be?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then it would cause a fight subconsciously with Jasmine.
And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then I got off of that.
I didn't see anything at all, ever, except what I noticed was how beautiful a person Jasmine was, how lucky I was to have Jasmine.
That's what I noticed, being off social media, because I blocked everything else out.
And I said, what I have, my whole dream, everything I've dreamt of in life, to have a beautiful woman, a beautiful partner, a beautiful mother of my children is right here.
She's not on Instagram.
In fucking Sweden.
She's right here.
And then I just noticed all those things that my subconscious would cloud my mind with from the social media feed and the algorithm were gone.
And I was like, I see her for as beautifully perfect and imperfect she is as me.
You used to do that with an old filter and you would see the lashes on your hand like it would glitch.
But look how perfect.
I'm wearing no makeup right now.
This is all a filter.
And it's just scary because there's a lot of girls out there that don't realise when someone's got a filter on and they're chasing perfection because that's what they think everybody looks like and this is not what people look like.
There's a school of thought that you should keep your children away from social media, and there's a school of thought that everyone has social media.
Everyone has social media.
You have it, the kids have it.
Maybe let them have experience in it, and maybe they're going to be okay.
We always want to think that while these kids have this new rock and roll music, It's going to ruin childhood!
And then we thought that in the 60s with drugs, and we thought that throughout with disco, people always think kids are going to ruin their fucking lives.
This is the most profound change that human beings have ever experienced in terms of their access to information, the way they get educated, the way they're experiencing different things that are happening all over the world all at once.
It's a profound shift in human consciousness, and these kids are going to be so much more advanced than us in terms of their ability to understand things.
It's a different road, but it's a different road like the road between people that invented agriculture and the road with people at hunter-gatherer tribes worrying about invading ones.
But so what you're saying is the interconnectedness we're experiencing now at this level is the same level that somebody in the 1600s was experiencing interconnectedness because for the first time they left their village and got on a road and went to another village.
Yeah, I mean there's been a bunch of these things that have happened and probably Look, I mean, my view of history is shaped by the work of Graham Hancock and Randall Carlson and John Anthony West and all these people that have examined these ancient cultures.
And I have a real strong feeling that they're right and that there's a lot of evidence to support it about this Younger Drys impact theory and that human civilization like, you know, Egypt and the pyramids and before that had achieved this incredible level of sophistication in a way that we don't understand.
You can't just deny that it exists and protect your children from it.
I think you have to communicate with your children, but I think your children also exist in this new world.
And I think we can't...
It's a difficult one to navigate, and I think one of the decisions that you've made as you've navigated and you've realized, hey, this is not good for me.
Like, I don't like this, so I'm going to get off of that.
A lot of people make similar decisions when they stop drinking or when they stop gambling.
But I feel like you have to let people make those decisions for themselves and you have to give them the ability to say confidently that some people have navigated this water.
Some people figure out how to use it.
Some people don't get involved in disputes online and they don't get involved in all the negative aspects of it and reading all the positive stuff too, which can also fuck with your head.
My father was a gambling addict, went through Gamblers Anonymous and has come out on the other side.
Great.
But I went through a very tough point in my life where me and Jasmine, my girlfriend, mother, my children, we broke up.
We were co-parenting.
She was dating someone else.
It was all very hard for me.
And I was like living this life where I was like maybe it's better this way and I'll go out and date all these women and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And my father one day, you know, we're hanging out.
I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong.
And he sees me and he's like, you know, could see I'm a little like disheveled and no drugs, no alcohol.
I'm not like that.
And he was like, you've got an addiction problem, Chris.
I said, what are you talking about?
He goes, I was a gambling addict.
You look like you've been gambling all night, but I think what you've been doing is chasing women all night.
I think you've been either having sex with girls or you've been messaging women and you've been doing that.
He was like, I'm your father.
Am I right?
I said, yeah.
I've been talking to a couple of girls, but whatever.
I'm single.
She's with somebody else, I'm single.
He was like, let me tell you something, Chrissy.
He was like, here's what I know about gambling, and here's what I know about life, and here's what I know about what's going to happen to you.
You can beat the house 99 times out of 100. You beat them clean 99 out of 100. The one time the house wins, which is inevitably going to happen, negates the other 99. You're hooking up and you're meeting all these strangers, bringing all these strangers into your life.
99 out of 100, great, no problem, all good.
The one stranger that has it in her head that she needs to ruin your life for whatever reason, has a baby, says you did this, says you did that, is going to negate all the rest.
You need to...
Limit your probability and stop bringing all these women into your life and you need to figure out how to go be with the mother of your children because that is what is the most important thing.
So what his advice always to me, my whole childhood, he would always say two things.
He said, if you're going to be an addict, make sure you're addicted to something positive.
So I hope believe comedy.
And then the second thing he would say always to me, he said, Chrissy, he would always call me Chrissy.
He would always make me a girl.
And he would say, you'll love life.
You're going to love life when you finally understand that life isn't fair.
When you know life isn't fair, you'll love life.
And I took that, and I feel like I did understand that in my 20s, where like, you know, in the movies, the villain always gets caught.
That's not real life.
So when somebody gets something that you know personally isn't a good person, or the media is saying, you know, this person just keeps rising through the ranks, because I understand life isn't fair, and that was instilled in me.
Through my father, you know, and I think that my dad having this kind of life, like he would always say to me, you know, it's something dark, he would always say to me, he would say, Chris, you know, he would say, what do you want to be in life?
And I would say, you know, as a kid, I want to be a doctor, I want to be an astronaut, you know, I want to be in the NBA, all the things children would say.
He'd say, oh, that's great.
He said, here's what I want you to be in life.
I want you to be the exact opposite of me.
I want you to not be me and then you'll be okay.
So you see what dad does?
You see how dad lives?
Be the opposite of me and you'll be A-okay.
That's what I want you to strive for.
And as a kid I would laugh at that, whatever, but now I see, because he was like, I gambled, I lost your mother, I lost all these things in my life and I don't want you to have that.
And even with this Radio City stuff, because it's almost like emotional, Radio City, for a New York guy and sold all these tickets so quick.
And then my agent now, recently, a couple of days ago, was like, oh, maybe we'll put a second show on sale.
Maybe we'll do the Hulu Theater.
Maybe we'll do a second at Radio City.
You're selling quick, baby.
And I'm like, okay.
And then I'm talking to my dad.
And I'm like, oh, the agent said maybe we'll put a second show on sale.
He said, why do you want to do that?
I was like, you know, he said it's selling quick.
And I was like, and he was like, yeah, but the goal was one.
The goal was you sold out one, right?
And the goal was you're going to spend time with your family, me as your father, your daughters.
We'll be done by 9 o'clock.
We'll go have dinner.
It'll be beautiful.
It'll just be on Celebrating Radio City.
He was like, why do you want to add more pressure to yourself?
I was like, oh, I don't know.
I thought maybe, you know, the money, the agent said this, the agent said that.
He said, you're losing the whole point of this.
He said, the simple fact you put Radio City on sale was the win.
That was the win.
He goes, you're doing what I would do.
You're doubling up.
You're double or nothing, double or nothing, double or nothing.
Stop it.
He said, do one.
I was like, yeah, but dad, if I can sell out a second show, then maybe the Madison Square Garden people see me, and then I hit my real goal, MSG. He goes, MSG will happen when it happens.
If I was a prince and I had a brother who was also a prince who was just like murdering people and I was trying to stop him, he would look exactly like Tony.
Timmy D had an opportunity to work with Joaquin in a movie.
And he was saying, Joaquin, not only is he a great guy, but he said the acting is so amazing that it's almost like throws you off because you're like, this guy is like born to do this.
And they said he stays in character the whole time, which is tough, right?
I'm not an actor by trade, but I'm like, I don't know if I could stay in the character the whole time, but these guys do it.
The adrenaline rush that I got from playing basketball, Division III, but still I played, and then I transferred that adrenaline rush to physical therapy.
I was a physical therapist, and I love that.
Now I've transferred that adrenaline rush to comedy.
So that's all it is for me.
I love doing it because I feel like it's cathartic.
I'm getting my point of view out.
Whether you like it or not, I'm getting it out.
It's cathartic.
And that's what matters at the end of the day.
And that's why my dad's advice, I think, is profound when he's like, hey, with the Radio City shit, he's like, the goal was just putting one on sale.
This is a byproduct of your...
Of what you've set out to do.
So don't worry about the money.
He was like, the money always came second.
Oprah said that once.
I remember I had mononychulosis and my mom had gout when I was in eighth grade.
And I heard Oprah say, we're watching the Oprah Winfrey show, and Oprah said, the money always comes second.
In passion, the money always comes second.
And that's always been in my head.
Like, you'll get the money.
Like, even if I, you know, I just did a whole, you know, did three theaters in a row before coming here.
I haven't gotten one check yet from either one of them.
Like, the money will come.
You know, I'll remember in a month from now if I haven't gotten paid yet.
The money will come.
I did it because I loved it.
I loved performing and making fun of Fresno and, you know, kind of shitting on San Jose and getting involved in the Sacramento politics.
I loved it.
I felt like I was playing D3 ball again.
That's how you feel.
And so I don't worry about the money.
I mean, I need the money because I need another watch, but, you know, I do feel like the money with comedy has been...
I love doing physical therapy.
I was a pediatric physical therapist.
I was making $53,000 a year, but I loved it.
You know, I had helping kids.
You get a kid from a wheelchair who couldn't walk to...
Not that I'm, you know, fucking miracle worker here.
He's not going to dunk a basketball, but the fact that he could stand up Out of his wheelchair and get his leg up or her leg up to take one step and watch the parents, you know, be so...
It's so gratifying and you have the gratuity towards it where I was like...
And I kind of transfer that a bit into comedy where it's like, I just...
I'm happy to...
If one person says, hey, you made my day better, great.
Even if it was 99% of people being like, you suck, fuck you.
Mark, I started, you know, with Shane goes without saying how great he is.
But Ari, Ari is one of those guys in my comedy generation who's a bit older, who is like, you know, as much as Colin Quinn is my elder and...
Ari is too.
Ari, dude, Ari, because Ari's lived that life, that comic life where he eats, sleeps, and breathes comedy.
He's got advice for every situation.
You could come to a situation with Ari, and he's been through it, he's lived it, and he's come out the other side, and he's got so much positive advice because Ari is a guy that I find when I'm really struggling, and he would admit, he would tell you, There's been multiple times in my life over the past year where I've struggled a little bit about, you know, I had a tweet that got out of TikTok.
I'm sorry that I was getting attacked for by the Mexican community.
I had this happen to me.
And Ari is just a guy who talks to you about what he kind of, his advice is always the same.
He's always like, dude, just let it happen to you.
Time heals all wounds.
Let it happen to you.
Stay in the moment.
You'll be fine.
Ari's one of those guys who I lean on at times to text him when I'm going through some shit.
And Ari always has at least sound advice to help me get through on the other side.
Yeah, his Jew special so good That special is so fucking tight and so solid and he crafted it for so long It was like his best work to me the two best specials no disrespect to any other comic But the two best specials to me that I looked at of the last year and I was like those two specials are the shit and that's what I Got to strive for if I want to try to keep up.
It's not just going up there and doing 60 minutes of material, which I think is fine, but I think in today's world, you've got to give an audience member a reason to stay around to the 60th minute.
Because of this ADHD society we live in, and I think Ari Shafir and Neil Brennan did, in my opinion, the best job of that all year, where I said, I gotta watch this to the end, because I'm learning and laughing, and then Neil Brennan, I gotta stay to the end because he's giving me this kind of mental health advice that's so profound in a funny way.
But in the same breath, put out a show called The Dictator's Playbook, where they basically take Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-un, all these dictators in history, all these dictators, and they basically show you, Mussolini, how they did it.
So I'm like...
You're shitting on a transphobic material that you are assuming and then you're showing us how to be a dictator.
Of the victim, because when they made, I mean, they played the cool fucking 80s music, you know, the actor who played Jeffrey Dahmer, unbelievable actor, you know, they made him look dope.
They made, you know, every time he's murdering someone, they're playing a, they got a dope soundtrack of a new band.
It makes it look like, oh, you know, me or you maybe, or Jamie, you know, we would be like, oh, we could understand the pain of the victim.
But some person out there in the middle of the country, they look at that and they're like, that's pretty cool.
Maybe I can have a documentary about me.
People are like that.
I don't like that.
I just don't like the kind of fakeness of, like, you're going to attack one side, but then do something that's maybe even worse.
Like, you know, in America, we've got a bit of a puritanical society, right?
Like, we don't say shit or fuck on network television, right?
Ooh, no, you can't say that, but we'll show an AK-47 if somebody's getting shot up.
We're in Italy.
They'll say fuck, shit, whatever, but you will never see gun, very rarely see gun violence or It's on basic television.
I think personally, you know, the term I used before, puritanical, I genuinely think it's a kind of great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of the Puritans who would say, you are not following in the footsteps of God in our definition of it, so we are going to burn you at the stake in front of the village.
Right?
I mean, that's what they were doing with the Salem Witch Trials.
They were saying, you're not following in the footsteps of God.
We are Christians.
So we're going to burn your flesh in front of children.
But we're Christians.
You're not.
So we get to burn you.
So that's what I think is happening in a different way today.
Not as on the nose as what it was in the Salem Witch Trials, but it is happening.
Yeah, I was going to say, he doesn't sound like he's inhaled helium, but there's a big thing going on in that part of East Palestine, Ohio, that they're saying that they have these high-pitched, Mickey Mouse-sounding Disney voices from these train derailments, and they're saying that there's been a few of them that have derailed and released these chemicals into the air, and now that just yesterday they said that COVID was leaked from a lab, the Pentagon has admitted it.
If someone was trolling, imagine being that guy and faking this.
That doesn't make sense.
But if that is the case, and there's more than one person that's having that happen to them, and it's just happened recently, what's the long-term effects on these people to live near this stuff?
But then they say that, again, I don't know, but then they say that there's multiple other trained derailments with chemicals and multiple other chemical facilities in Florida and this state.
So it just feels like I don't know what's happening.
Well, see, that's what I thought, because my boys on my group chat would be like, this is a conspiracy.
They're trying to distract us because so-and-so is happening.
I'm like, maybe, or is it that now that this is a hot story, the media is reporting on every train derailment that's been happening all this time, but we don't report on it?
But now they're reporting on it, so we think it's a bigger problem than it actually is.
I don't think Jamie's gay, but I don't think Jamie's not gay, is what I'll tell you.
I don't think you're gay, but I don't think Jamie's not gay.
I think Jamie is comfortable with who he is right now, but I think Jamie, if given a nudge, Can be persuaded to have some experiences that he didn't understand that he wanted to have.
Online manifesto promises, since females have the upper hand of the dating market, transitioning from male to female will usually improve your options when it comes to getting sex.
But I do think, but don't you think like an 18-year-old, 19-year-old boy growing up today, there's not a, the line between homosexuality and heterosexuality is blurred.
It's not as blurred as with you or I, but it's a bit more blurred with them.
I think it's very possible that what we see when we see aliens, with their genderless bodies and their big heads, I think that's us.
I think that's us in the future.
And I think that we are all moving in this weird direction Where we're questioning gender, and we're coming up with new ideas about gender, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, and I'm not saying it's a good thing.
I'm saying it's a thing.
And if I thought about the increased use of technology and the incorporation of it into the human body, which seems to be inevitable, and then eventually the You won't have any use for muscles.
You won't have any use for...
If they can reproduce people with technology, which is not outside the realm of...
If science projects, like if you go from here in 2023 to 1,000, 2,000 years from now, of course they're going to be able to come up with some artificial way to create human beings.
It could be like this weird nature pull towards that direction.
Right.
And that the further we get from the things that we were talking about earlier, the horrific nature of being a hunter-gatherer to agriculture, to modern technological innovations, to the future.
It's like our T levels are dropping, fertility rates are dropping, women are having more miscarriages, there's plastics in our bodies because of the society that we live in and the way things are created.
There's all these factors that are happening that are leading us into this one weird direction and that direction seems to be like Almost no gender.
Almost like people just becoming some new kind of thing and reproducing in some other way.
If we get to a point where literally we are in danger of extinction because human – and people say that's crazy, but there's really intelligent people far smarter than me that actually believe this is possible.
Population collapse.
They really do believe it's possible.
If that happens, if it's happening, we'll be able to stop it before it's too late.
And if it is happening, and it's inevitable, and there's nothing we can do to reverse it, and there's no drugs that we find that can fix it.
Do you think that people would allow the use of some artificial form of recreation or replication of human beings in order to keep the population alive?
I think yes.
I think if we got to a point where the only way we can keep the human population alive is if we all agree to cloning.
We're gonna fucking do it.
We're gonna splice genes up.
They're gonna figure out ways to do it.
Because the other is horrific.
The other option is we die off.
That sounds so stupid.
I get it.
Because we're living in a time where people can have sex and birth control and abortion rights are a big issue.
But if we fucking keep going with whatever direction human beings are on right now, we're going to get to some unrecognizable place where we don't have genitals.
We don't have emotions.
We're going to be some new kind of thing.
And I think that's what's probably happening, whether we like it or not.
You know, like what you just said, profound, 100% on board, on board the whole way.
History, again, we've been talking about history, you know, the Daily Stoic, aka the Idaho murderer, will tell you that he'll agree with me, I believe, is that, dude, we're thinking that we're the most progressive we've ever been as a society right now in 2023. Right.
In 18...
60. James Buchanan was the president right before Abraham Lincoln.
They didn't care because your sexual preference as a president did not matter at all.
Right now we go up, oh, Pete Buttigieg is gay.
Could he be the next president?
1850, 1860?
They didn't give a shit at all.
Your sexual proclivity did not matter at all if you were going to be present.
That was your own personal thing.
The height of the Roman Empire when, you know, Julius Caesar and all that...
They were having bestiality.
Homosexuality was all okay.
Nobody cared.
So we think, oh, we're so woke right now.
We're so progressive.
This has happened in history hundreds of years before.
It's just X, Y, and Z has happened to distract you from the fact that whatever puritanical thing has happened, whatever extremely liberal, extremely conservative thing has happened to distract you from the fact that we've been here before.
Babe, we've been here before.
Talk to James Buchanan if he was alive.
He would say, yeah, I was gay.
They used to call his mistress, who was a man, they used to call President Buchanan Miss Nancy, they would call him, because everybody, he was the only president in history, still to this day, no first lady, because he was gay, he was sucking cock.
Some people won't tell you they have it, but everybody that's been willing to talk about it says they have it.
Everybody has like a certain version of it because it doesn't make any sense.
Because you see someone like whoever the fuck it is, whether it's a musician or whether it's an athlete or whether it's a comedian or a singer or a rock star.
When you see someone who is like prominent in the public eye, there's this weird thing that you have like they're a different thing.
You know, you meet Robert Downey Jr. That's a different thing.
You can't allow that little fire to burn inside your mind, but it is a total normal thing to think of because it doesn't make any sense the life you get through.
And then you'll have an honest little engagement with those people, and you'll enjoy it.
It's a natural propensity to lean towards the negative and think about the negative and be fearful that all this success that you have now is going to go away.
Well, a lot of times the thing that drove people to try to be big at show business was a lack of attention.
I know that's definitely what happened to me when I was a child, and I know that happens to a lot of people.
And that thing that drives you to that is like a dominant force.
But at some point in time, in order to be like what I would say a healthy artist is, you have to recognize what that is and then transfer the energy that you spent trying to get attention to now try to get really good at this thing you do.
Just try to get really good at stand-up.
Try to get really good at the bits.
Try to kill.
Try to do your best at that.
And don't think about the attention anymore.
The attention is like a thing that like gets you to it and you try so hard to be good at stand-up because you want the positive feedback.
You want that attention from the audience.
But then once you figure out how to get that, there becomes like a transitioning period.
Blossom out of that if you can you mean not everybody does like some people choose to just concentrate on right what got them to the dance But I think that like the best way to think about it and be mentally healthy It's not think about yourself and attention and just think about the bits Just think about doing your best to stand up and then once you do that the attention you get will be like a balanced attention Do you think you, as Joe Rogan right now, is the best stand-up that you've been in your life right now?
Yeah, I think right now it's the best I've ever been.
Because I'm doing it a lot, and I'm smarter.
I'm older.
I've been doing it longer.
And we're still doing stand-up the way we always did stand-up.
There's no subjects that are off limits.
That's horseshit.
This is stupid.
This world that we're living in now where people are terrified of doing stand-up, it's so strange.
Cancelling people for jokes and fucking around with the way reality is being perceived.
Well, like, yeah, you, Louis, Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, these guys, you know, Mount Rushmore of guys from my generation who, like, you know, oh, these were the guys from, you know, when I was a kid watching them.
Yeah, you kind of have that...
Not bravado, but kind of like no fear kind of comedy, right?
You have to just do comedy for what you think would be funny, what you would like to hear, and the kind of shit that you enjoy.
I enjoy ridiculous people.
I enjoy Bill Burr.
I enjoy Louis C.K. I enjoy Dave Chappelle.
I enjoy ridiculous people.
I enjoy hilarious people that have these fucking perceptions of life that could boil down to the most outrageous shit on stage that makes me cry laughing.
That's why I love Joey Diaz.
That's what I like, and that's what I do, and that's what I'm always gonna do.
And you could like it or you don't like it, but that's what the art form is, and don't go to a rap concert and complain that they're singing about money and guns.
Don't.
Don't go to a country western show and complain singing about the fucking ranch and sunset and being down by the river.
Don't go to a Taylor Swift song and complain she's not doing Led Zeppelin.
There's different vibes.
And what we do as stand-ups is it's not compatible with woke social media culture.
It's just not.
So it's just not.
And that's what it is.
It is what it is.
And you can break it down all you want.
But if you allow that social media woke culture to invade stand-up, all you get is bad stand-up.
It makes me aspire to that, but it also makes me simultaneously feel like I can't do that because I haven't dedicated my life to that and I'm too scared.
I still sleep to this night.
If I'm sleeping in my hotel last night, I have the bathroom light on because if I'm sleeping in pure darkness, I always see a ghost or a poltergeist or I think someone's there.
So I know I'm not going to be the guy, your security guard, who shit smells like positivity.
And I've been doing this, and I've been seeing results.
Is he thinks that the real hypertrophy, which I think is scientifically backed, the real hypertrophy comes at the last two to three reps of an exercise.
So say you're doing 12, 10, 8, 6. The last 9, 10, 11, 12 is really where the hypertrophy comes.
20 efficient reps, right?
20 ERs.
So you get an ignition set.
So you take a weight that you'll fail at between 8 and 12. Let's say you're doing bicep curls.
You'll take a 50-pound dumbbell and you'll fail at 10. You're failing at 10. When failing to him means you're breaking the form and the concentric exercise and you're failing.
You're using other muscles to kind of recruit the bicep to get that.
That's failing.
So he says, what you do then, that's your ignition set.
You take a 50-pound dumbbell, your ignition set is 10 reps.
One, two, maybe I can get four, and then I gotta take a break.
Wait 15 seconds.
Boom, boom, boom.
Every 15 seconds, up to 20, that's one set.
Then you move on to the brachioradialis, the brachialis, the front deltoid, whatever it may be, and you, you know, AthleanX says you stay in that one type of workout he has.
You stay in that efficient rep range, and I gotta tell ya, that's brought, I've went from Doing his efficient rep exercise, I went from being able to do about 10 pull-ups in a row to 20 in about a month and a half.
Like, legit scientists who can give you the real information about what's effective, what's not, different ways to do it.
And here's the thing that I think, this is more important than anything, is consistency, focus, and effort.
And everything works.
Like, the people that want to do high reps, there's guys that get super jacked on calisthenics.
I mean, look at those bar stars, guys.
They have the most incredible physiques, and it's all calisthenics.
The only thing that a lot of those guys are missing is the load-bearing work for the legs.
They're load-bearing with their arms, because they're doing all this bodywork, but load-bearing with your legs, almost kind of like to build your legs up to match your upper body, you almost kind of have to do...
Unless you do like one-legged type squats and plyometrics and shit, I feel like you kind of have to lift something.
Before you even think about doing anything, why don't you go and get blood work done so they can find out what your nutrient levels are at, where your hormone levels are at, where your cortisol levels are at.
We can have that set up next time you come into town.
You know what's another great thing he instilled in me?
Because, you know, my Jasmine, the mother of my children, also had a son before I met her.
And so I was his stepfather immediately, right?
Beautiful thing, you know, and my dad's wisdom.
Because my dad said, you know, him and my mom divorced, right?
And my dad said, when I was a kid, he was like, even though your mother and I are divorced...
I have a child with your mother.
You'll never hear me talk bad about her.
I respect this woman more than any other woman in my life.
I respect her because she's your mother.
So when I had a stepkid, he was like, remember, you always got to respect the mother of your children.
When I was 15 years old, My mother, because my parents were divorced when I was one, my mother's Ivy League graduate, my father's third grade education.
When my parents divorced when I was one, when I was 15, my mother started dating one of my best friend's fathers, which as a 15-year-old boy, brutal.
I mean, you know, you hear, you know, we'd be sitting in the garage smoking weed, you know, fucking around, you know, as a 15, 16-year-old adolescent, somebody would be like, what do you think Chris's mom is doing?
unidentified
Uh-oh.
And one of my other friends would be like, I don't know, banging Jimmy's dead?
And so anyway, so, this guy, who's dating my mother, when I'm 15...
One day, cheats on my mom and starts dating a woman, having an affair with a woman who lives directly across the street.
I'm talking about we live here, directly across, we can see into that house, that's what this guy did.
Cheated on my mom, carries on an affair with another woman directly across the street, right?
So I'm 15, 16 years old, don't really understand that my mother's heartbroken over this.
She would set up a chair, especially on the weekends, and just look out the window to see if this guy's gonna go into that other woman's house, heartbroken, horrified, staying in her pajamas, violently depressed, crying every day.
And I don't understand.
I'm a 15-year-old kid.
I'm playing my video games, jerking off to Sable.
I don't know what's going on, right?
Shout out.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't want to deal with this, right?
But my father, even though my parents were divorced, was always like, I respect your mother.
I will protect your mother forever from this point forward.
We have a child.
I protect your mother.
And that's what he instilled in me.
So he comes over one day to pick me up for basketball practice.
And I'm in my room playing video games, you know, being a dickhead, whatever.
I'm a kid.
I don't understand that my mother's outside crying, being heartbroken.
And my dad walks in, sees my mom crying, looking out the window, looks at dad, is like, the fuck is going on with this lady?
Comes into my room, he goes, Chrissy, what's going on with your mother out there?
She's crying.
I said, yeah, remember that guy she was dating?
He dumped her, and now he's dating a woman who lives directly across the street.
And my dad says, you gonna do something about that?
We're going over the Verrazano Bridge, which connects Brooklyn to Staten Island.
My dad's taking me to my game.
I was going to stay by him for the weekend.
Because my dad always had...
That's why I call my comedy tour the right intention but the wrong move.
My dad's intentions were protect your mother.
But the move was executed poorly.
But he says to me...
He says, Chris...
We're in traffic on the Verizon Bridge.
He goes, Chris, you know what I did was wrong back there, right?
You know I shouldn't have done that.
I was like, yeah, I know.
Mom knows.
The police know.
Everybody knows you shouldn't have done that.
He goes, exactly.
He goes, but instead of playing video games in your room, Like an asshole, you should be out there comforting your mother when she's going through a hardship.
You made me do your job.
You're responsible for protecting your mother now.
So that's where the kind of dichotomy, and my father comes in, the right intention but the wrong move, because I understand what he was saying, protect your mom, which actually was instilled in me to protect my mom.
But after that, but the move was to beat somebody up, another grown man when I'm just a kid, I don't know.
Oh, an amazing human being, an amazing human being, but there was, you know, his methods of it was a little suspect, you know, where I was like, I got his point, you know, like, but he would, like I said, his intentions on it were not always the best, but as a, you know, but the byproduct of it was, from that moment, when I was 15, 16 years old, I never, ever, ever, when my mom needed help, I was always there to help her.
You know these people that came over here from Italy and from Ireland and England and wherever the fuck they came from and during that time like so many people came during the early 19th century Those fucking people were hard-ass people, man.
And they made hard-ass people, and it took a long time for us to get sensitive.
And we're only becoming really sensitive to what happens to people when they grow up over the last few generations.
And somebody like my dad, like I said, third, fourth grade education, was able to foresee issues we're having in society now, 12 years ago.
Like, for example, when Twitter came out, right?
My dad said, I remember this was 2009, 2009, 2010. I just got into comedy, so it was 2010. And I got a Twitter, and I was telling my dad, and he was like, why'd you do that?
I was like, ah, you know, it's comedy, you know, like you gotta, everybody has a Twitter, right?
Right.
And he goes, let me tell you something about Twitter.
He goes, this is the worst thing that's going to happen to society.
I said, why?
Again, third grade education.
He said, let me tell you something that I know 100%.
He goes, not everybody's supposed to be talking.
You're not supposed to have everybody in society talking.
Only a few people supposed to talk, most of us supposed to listen.
When you got everybody talking, you're gonna have a big problem.
Like I grew up, like I said, with an Ivy League educated mother, so very book smart, and a third grade educated father, but very street smart, in and out of the system, whatever.
So I had this idea...
I had this both sides of, like, my mom making me, you know, understand history and memorize every state capital and understand the economy, blah, blah, blah, where my dad coming at it from just life stuff.
Like, when I... You know, my oldest daughter is...
I'm seven now, and I've only been with Jasmine, the mother of my children, for eight years, so that means the second or third date, we conceived our daughter.
And it was a big thing, because I grew up very Catholic, especially, you know, I got Catholic tattoos all over my body, like I'm fighting in the army of God, like I'm Chrissy Crusades.
And I grew up that way, just fucking Catholicism pounded down my throat.
By my mom.
And so when I got a girl pregnant out of wedlock, this in my family and in my being is a huge, it's almost like I murdered someone.
Like, it is huge.
Like, I had to approach my mother now with this idea of I got a woman pregnant who I barely know out of wedlock, And the anxiety, the kind of fear to approach my mother with this was palpable.
It was inconceivable in my mind.
And so my father, being street smart and being understanding of the world, knew how to help me with this.
I told my father first because my father doesn't judge me.
He just is like, whatever you want to do, Chris, I support you, and I'm going to help you get in and out of trouble as best I can.
That's how my father feels.
My father lives his life for me, his son.
He's like, my whole life changed, and that's how I feel about my children.
I live my life for my children.
Because that was how my dad was.
So he said to me, when I told him, I confessed.
I said, you know, I really like him in love with this woman.
She's pregnant with my child.
We're going to have this baby.
I had already been a physical therapist.
I'd already had minimal success in comedy.
I felt like I'm going to have this baby.
I'm the one who decided to have unprotected sex.
We're going to have this baby.
Despite the odds against us, I'm going to do it.
My dad goes, listen, I support you 100%.
Because everybody else in my life, when I told them I had got a girl pregnant, were like, oh my god, blah, blah, blah.
Negative right away.
My father's first words out of his mouth were congratulations.
That's what he said, congratulations.
Because he knew, he was like, I'm just going to support you, whatever it is.
Yeah, and I agree with that, because my mom, at times, we would butt heads, but she was keeping me in the straight line as much as she could, where my dad was like, I'm just supporting you in every way I can.
So I did have a, again, privileged, beautiful, blessed life.
I'm very aware of that.
But what my dad said to me was, he was like, okay, here's the thing.
He goes, here's what we've got to do with your mother right now.
He goes, she barely knows this woman, okay?
She barely knows this woman who's carrying your child.
So what we got to do, what we got to do is you got to introduce this woman and show the best qualities of this woman to your mother.
Because we got to basically get your mother pregnant.
See, and that's what I love about, you know, I have a stepchild, and I was raised half by a stepmom.
And I feel like step-parenting is the most thankless job.
It's one of the most thankless jobs because I have to—I treat my stepson like he is my own, just like my stepmother treated me like I was her own.
But we're not, right?
There's no nature or biological connection.
But I said— My connection to you as my stepson is through my daughters, and you are as much as, even though I did not create you, you are a part of my life, part of my family, and I love you like I love my children.
But it's a tough thing to kind of, when you're a stepparent, you realize like, man, I'm in third, fourth, fifth place in my own life, and I just have to accept that.
I gotta try to be the most positive human being I can and be happy for me, because happiness is, I can transfer it to my family.
But being a stepfather is harder than being a biological father because its nature is saying, this is not your kid, but yet you have to say, no, no, no, it is my kid.
This is my child.
And I found that being a stepdad has, it's almost like, you know, when you kind of like grind the gears and like, you know, grind the stuff and then a diamond comes out.
Like, I feel like that, I feel like I'm proud to be a father because of my step-parenting more than my biological.
I love my children, all three of them the same equally, even though one of them is not biologically mine.
My dog, Larry, who I got when I was 16, lived with my mom.
I moved out.
Larry lived a long life, 17, 18 years, which is a long time for a dachshund.
He's dying.
Every time I go visit my mother, he's dying, right?
It's like, obviously, this dog needs to be put down.
It's like a second son to my mother.
She's not gonna put him down, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Finally, we get to a point where Larry literally looks like he's got bandages over his eyes.
He looks like he fought in the fucking Civil War.
Like, we gotta get Larry to the fucking vet.
It's a mercy kill at this point.
Larry's dying.
My mother finally agrees.
Larry's dying.
We take him to the vet.
Okay?
We take him to the vet.
The vet comes in, does her tests.
Great vet.
Does her tests.
Says yes.
Larry needs to be put down right now.
He's got all these problems, tumors, and advanced illness.
He needs to die.
Right?
Peacefully.
Great.
You know, upset, but Larry will be in a better place.
I'm there with my mother, of course, it's 11 o'clock at night, there with my mother, holding her, you know, I'm upset, she's upset, of course.
The vet says to us...
We're going to put a little needle in Larry's paw.
We're going to have a medicine that's going to kind of stop Larry's heart.
It's going to take about 20 seconds.
He will breathe his last breath, painless, numb, like it never happened.
Larry will pass away.
Of course, it's very emotionally inducing.
Emotionally inducing for me, emotionally inducing for my mom.
But we're saying, Mom, this is the best case scenario.
The vet convinced her.
I convinced her.
My mom even was convinced.
Your guys are right.
I'm almost cruel.
Letting him suffer this much.
The vet says he has to pass away.
Great.
You know, so we're prepared.
Larry's there blinking, you know, in pain.
You know, you see it.
The medicine comes in, goes in.
I see it going through the tubes, goes in through his paws.
Thinking about 20, 30 seconds.
Larry's blinking.
We're looking and I'm rubbing my mother's hysterical, as she should be.
I'm upset.
Rubbing my mother's back, of course.
30 seconds goes by.
Larry's still blinking.
I'm rubbing my mother's back.
I'm saying, Mom, it's going to be okay.
A few more seconds.
No problem.
Time's going on.
Now we're at a minute.
Now we're at a minute and a half.
And it's a long time.
And it's about two minutes now.
And my mom is crying.
Larry's blinking.
Larry actually looks like he's getting a little bit more energy.
And I said to the vet, I said, is this normal?
She goes, no, I'll be right back.
Because Larry now has got, I mean, Larry was dying, and now Larry's kind of got a bit of a pep in his step.
So I'm saying, okay, what's going on here?
My mom's kind of upset, but she's like, we're all confused.
Vet leaves, comes back, white as a ghost.
I say to the vet, because my mom is inconsolable, I say, Doc, what's going on?
She goes, I'm very sorry.
She goes, we have a new vet tech that just started last week.
Innocent mistake.
The dog next door to you was dehydrated.
And we accidentally gave Larry electrolytes, not the death medicine.
We gave him electrolytes so you might see a quick surge of energy.
I mean, Larry was doing cartwheels.
I mean, this dog was acting like he was a fucking puppy.
We see this quick surge of energy.
What about the other dog?
That's what I thought.
The electrolytes into Larry.
The vet says, don't worry, I have the right medicine right here.
Larry will be dead in a minute.
Larry now is like blinking like literally like we gave Larry like a shot of cocaine fucking fully alive unbelievable my mom doesn't know what to do they give the right medicine to Larry like the right medicine Larry died in five seconds dead last blink whatever I thought the same thing you did I said God knows what the hell happened to the dog next door yeah I have no fucking idea.
What about ACH? Maybe freeze your tits and see if they shrink.
Should I do ACH? You should get your whole body analyzed.
Like go and get blood work done where they can examine everything.
Your hormones, your nutrients.
And then someone should ask you about your sleep.
They should track your heart rate variability.
They should...
You know, they should find out where your fitness level's at.
There's a lot of things that...
To do it properly, if you're going to adjust your hormones, and you're at an age at 38 where a lot of people either start or consider starting, you really should get, like, a comprehensive panel on your overall health.
No, I think I've always had high blood pressure and high cholesterol when I was 12. But if someone is taking a pill to prevent blood clots, I mean, I'm not a doctor, right?
On an empty stomach, which I heard does not break your fast.
I take those on an empty stomach at 8 a.m.
with a shot of apple cider vinegar, and it says it does not break your fast because anything over 30 calories breaks your fast, according to the Zero Fasting app, and this is 30 on the dot.