Chris DiStefano reveals how childhood trauma—including his mother’s 9/11 work in the Twin Towers, a violent expulsion after breaking a chair over a classmate’s head, and obsessive anxiety over protecting women—shaped his life, only easing after fatherhood. He contrasts modern societal fragility with historical resilience, like Revolutionary War unity, while questioning media-driven narratives, from Trump’s civil war warnings to the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp trial’s credibility. DiStefano’s self-awareness and humor, despite online criticism and past setbacks, underscore the cost of performative outrage versus genuine accountability in an era where trust in institutions is eroding. [Automatically generated summary]
This is from a company called The Roosevelt's, R-S-V-L-T-S, and they sent me a bunch of shirts.
And I got that kind of body where I'm like, somebody said once that I had leading man face, best friend body, a casting director, which was crushing, but an accurate description.
Since I've been a little kid, I've just had these puffy nipples.
Even when I was skinny and ripped, I just always had nice nipple fat.
And this shirt, what I've learned is wearing shirts with a lot of patterns like this distracts from the nipple fat.
I actually was flying out here yesterday and I was wearing this green shirt and I was wearing a book bag and when I went to the bathroom, my tits were pointed out like this.
I was like, I gotta change my shirt.
And then I just changed my shirt in the public bathroom at JFK and then I just threw that shirt out in the garbage.
Well, I think I make it worse in my head, probably.
I just usually, I've been trying to do, be better.
You know, like good wolf, bad wolf?
Like that ancient Native American thing?
I've been trying to not feed that bad wolf.
I've been trying to feed the good wolf over the last two weeks, but it's very hard for me to feed the good wolf, because I usually just get up every day and I'm like, you piece of shit asshole loser, Chris.
You know I think what happens is because I look like I could potentially be in shape.
I'd rather just be all the way fat because what happens with me is it's usually a letdown for women because they'll – multiple times in my life I've been hooking up with a girl and they thought this or that about my body and then I'll take my shirt off with the lights on and they'll go, oof, something like that.
And I just stood there kind of like looking down and then we turned the lights off and we had, I guess, relatively good sex.
Maybe not.
Actually, no.
I will say no.
We didn't because I've noticed when I was single, I would hook up with, you know, relatively good amount, healthy amount of women but almost exclusively never hook up with the woman a second time.
So I think that my performance in the bedroom isn't really that great.
Like, if you looked at my search history, like, my girl, Jasmine, my mother of my children, my girlfriend, she's multiple times, like, sat me down and be like, if you're gay, tell me you're gay.
And I'm like, why do you...
And I'd be like, why do you think I'm gay?
And then she's like, because when I look at your search history, because we share a computer, she's like, all I see is this man, Owen Gray.
And I'm like, if you can believe this, I'm watching him to try to learn from him to have sex with you better.
And then she's like, I don't believe you.
Because he's just a pretty well-physiqued guy, tatted up, but the way he has sex with these women and goes down on them and kind of passionately makes love to them, I was like, I need to incorporate this, but it really doesn't work.
Yeah, I did David Letterman in 2013, and it was first time on television doing anything, and it was a big deal.
For me, not only get stand-up on Letterman, but John Travolta was the other guest.
So I remember that week, my mother was just telling all her friends, she was like, I'm going to go see John Travolta on Letterman.
And I was like, also, your son is doing stand-up, but she just cared about Travolta.
She was kept picking out different dresses.
She was like, where do I wear?
I did, and my mom and dad, who were divorced, it was one of the first times, because before I had my kid, my first child, so before I had my first child, my mom and dad never talked.
They had, like, a divorce, and they just, you know, especially as I got over 18, they were just like, we don't talk anymore.
So it was one of these things where, like, it was the first time where, like, my mom and dad were going to be in the same room, and I'm, so it's, like, all nerve-wracking, and I'm About to go do the show.
I bought a suit the night before from this place, Joseph A. Bank.
It was in like a strip mall in Syosset, Long Island.
And it was like three sizes too big.
So I just had this oversized suit on.
I was like really nervous.
And I go down and John Travolta's on the couch.
You know, crushing it.
He's John Travolta.
And then I'm about to go up next to do stand-up.
And he, you know, the commercial break happens and he's walking out.
And I'm standing there like nervous with my 3X suit.
And he stops and he looks at me and he goes, you have on a beautiful suit.
I was like, thank you.
I was like, I feel like it's too big.
And he was like, no, it's beautiful.
I was like, oh, yeah.
And my mom's sitting right there fucking dying.
Travolta's like looking at me.
She's like trying to smell his breath.
And so Travolta says to me, he goes, what do you do?
And I was in my head because I was like, you know, I got fat nipples.
So I was like, I hope he doesn't think like, you know, I'm not jacked.
And then he goes, why is your heart beating so fast?
And I was like, because you're John Travolta, you're massaging my nipple.
And he goes, don't be nervous about what you're about to do.
And he goes, you've done it already.
And I said, no, I'm actually going on after you.
I haven't done it yet.
He goes, no, you've done it already.
It's over.
And I was like, are you stupid?
No.
Are you dumb fuck?
I was like, I'm going on next.
And he was like, the work is done.
And then I was just like, what do you mean?
And then the whole time his hand is on my chest.
He goes, I'm sure that Mr. Letterman had to vet you personally.
I'm sure that you've had to practice this set a thousand times before you got to this moment.
So the work is over.
So now you just have to go be in the present.
That's your only job is to be in the present because the set that you're about to do is done.
You've completed the work already.
Now it's just living the moment, which is the fun part of the hard part of the journey.
But the hard part is over.
All these words, and my heart is like slowly going down.
Like I swear, I was getting like very, very calm.
And he goes, I'm going to stand right here and I want to watch you live this moment.
He goes, this is rare that I get to see this at the level I'm at in my career, to see someone get to begin their journey in entertainment.
He goes, I'm going to see her and I want to watch every second of this.
I'm going to be here for you.
The Letterman people are like, Chris, you're on next, and give me that little push.
David Letterman, this whole time I hadn't even listened.
David Letterman was already being like, and our next guest, you know, stand-up comic, you know, making his appearance, making his national television debut on the David Letterman show.
I didn't even hear any of that part.
I just hear, please welcome Chris DiStefano, and with that, I'm going out.
And I said, I know that, and I even said, I said, I know I'm not, you know, a legendary comic or anything like that just yet, and I know that I maybe don't have any power to, I get that.
I said, but I'm so comfortable with just...
Having the career that my fans are giving me with completely avoiding corporations up until now.
So I will give this to you, but you have to let me put it up, no edits, and let me keep 15 minutes of it to put on my own YouTube.
And that's it.
And they were like a little shocked.
They were like, are you...
Okay.
And then I said, very respectfully, I said, I don't think I'm bigger or better than you.
None of that's true.
I said, I have the life that I want and the career I want without you guys right now.
I said, so I'm going to continue focusing on that.
But I would love to have it on your platform, but I just want the final say in everything.
And they gave it to me.
And they put it on, and it was on the Trending Now page for a pretty long time, and I think that's because of the podcast fans and the internet fans, like, pushed it over.
It didn't make the top ten or anything, but I'm, you know, pretty proud of it.
And I pay attention to your stuff, and you've all this anxiety talk, anxiety talk, and I'm like, you know how many fucking ugly people would be so pumped to look like you?
Do you know how many people, like your successful comedy career, you know, you've got a family, you've got a lot going on, you've got all this positivity, but you have some sort of weird thing.
Well, the reason why there's more to it is because Travolta, I told you, he goes, he kept telling me, you know, I'm going to watch this moment and all that, and it was the most calm I ever was, still to this day, doing TV. Like, I was more calm the first time doing that five-minute Letterman set than I was doing a whole Netflix special or whatever.
And then as time went on, I was like, oh, that's the nicest thing anyone could have ever done for me.
And what I learned in that experience was, actually, I like John Travolta, and I'm...
You know, he was cool.
And also, you know, getting up to that moment, he was right because what I had forgotten is I had been practicing that Letterman set for, you know, however many months.
And then, you know, you have to get...
The bookers have to come and watch you, and they kept watching me do the set.
I'd do it 10 times, 20 times, and every time it would be good, and they wouldn't book me.
This went on for months, and then finally one night I did it, and I bombed with this same five-minute set, like a full zero from start to finish, just eating it, sweat down my back, on the top of my ass crack, like a full bomb where you're like, oh, God.
And I go get home, and I have a missed call from my manager, and I'm like, I blew Letterman.
Like, it's not going to happen.
He goes, no, they're booked you for next Tuesday.
And I was like, what?
So then I go do the show, the Travolta thing happens, and when I'm leaving, I say to the booker, I said...
I thought I wasn't going to get this because I bombed like so hard with it.
I thought you guys were like, that's it.
He goes, no, that's why we booked you because you had never been on television before.
We needed to know that you could fail gracefully and that you weren't going to bomb on national television and then implode.
So we saw how gracefully you bombed and just made fun of it.
So it was kind of one of those things, even though it's more than comedy.
It's like I've learned now like, oh, you're just going to fail.
And it's the way you fail.
But I think the reason I bring that up is because I think that only now in my life is my anxiety going down to a place that's like, I don't want to say non-existent, but it's so much lower.
One, my anxiety, my Pandora's box of anxiety got opened on 9-11.
Because on 9-11, my mother...
Worked in the second tower that was hit.
She survived.
But at that moment, I went to an all-boy Catholic high school.
And at that moment, the teachers just came in and said, boys, the towers have went down.
We didn't even know about the planes.
He just said the towers have collapsed.
The Twin Towers have collapsed.
And we could see it out my window from where my high school was in Queens.
You could face it.
Downtown so we could see it see the smoke you know and I knew my mother worked on like the 50th floor of the of one of those towers So I just said she's dead and trying to call her phone lines busy phone lines busy Nothing is you know I can't get through to her and I just started to like hysterical cry like this emotion like it was literally like a box opened up in a part of my brain that was like all your fears out that you've been trying to suppress since you were a little kid out because I was like she's dead and So I just started like crying and I got like
so angry and this kid, Frank, started to laugh at me.
So I broke a chair right over his head, like in the middle of all this, at like 9.55 in the morning.
And so I just was mad, broke the chair over his head.
And, you know, my mother is a very intellectual woman, very smart, very sophisticated.
And my father is like a criminal.
He was in and out of jail before I was born and when I was a little kid for my whole life, just in and out of prison, always, you know, guy from the Bronx, Italian guy.
Kind of one of those guys, never knew what he did for a living.
That's how I know, like growing up, when I would grow up, be like, you know, you know, I hear somebody say, you know who my father is, you know who my uncle is?
I'd be like, they're probably not anybody because I feel like I'm, have this life a little bit and I would never share that with anybody.
I don't think that's cool.
As a matter of fact, it's like sad when you have to like think about like, what is, what are my dad and his friends up to?
Did they hurt somebody?
Like what?
What's going on?
So anytime I would hear that growing up, I'd be like, you're a pussy.
You're a wannabe.
But the wannabes are the guys you gotta watch out for.
Because those are the guys...
A real Italian mafia guy would never probably hurt you unless you hurt them.
But these wannabes will try to prove something.
So...
My father was, I guess, a real guy, and the principal on Tuesday, September 11th, because again, I just hit somebody over the head with a chair, was like, you're out of here, DiStefano, get the fuck out.
And then I'm like, wow, okay.
So I go home, I get home.
And I'm trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother.
And, dude, outside, a lot—see, the thing is, like, living in 9-11, like, actually being in New York City there, it's like there was a lot of things that, like, didn't make the news.
Like, right away, like, again, all-boy Catholic high school, mostly cops and fire in my school.
Like, the immediate, like, racism that was completely displaced.
I saw, like, when we left the school, there was a grocery store, like, where everyone would get their bagels and coffees and stuff in the morning.
Indian, like, Sikh Indian, you know, turbans.
This kid threw a fucking garbage can right through their window and was, like, yelling at them, like, you fucking did this, you're gonna pay for this!
I was like, shut up, dude, this kid John.
I was like, you weigh 110 pounds, you have fucking psoriasis, shut up, what are you gonna do?
But I remember that and I was like, wow, this is crazy what's happening.
And then going home, trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother.
Can't get in touch with her, can't get in touch with her.
And then I'm just preparing.
I called my aunt, who worked in Brooklyn, and she's like, my mom has four sisters.
She's like, every one of your aunts, everybody checked in with me beside your mother.
We don't know where she is.
And I was like, oh my god.
So I get home, this is like three o'clock in the afternoon.
I get home.
I run up the stairs because all I want to do is go lay in my mom's bed and smell her scent or just something.
I was panicking and that's what I want to do.
If I can smell my mom, then she's there.
If I get the senses of her, she's here and I'll calm down.
She'll calm me down.
Even though my brain's telling you she's dead, but just smell her.
So I open my apartment door.
And she's standing there, right there.
And I was like, and I thought it was a ghost.
Like I genuinely in my brain was like, she's a ghost.
I'm having like a vision.
And I went to go hug her thinking I was going to hug through her.
And then it was her.
And I was like, and then she had blood all down her knees.
And I was like, oh my God, like what happened?
She was like, I got out of the building.
And then we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge.
And then I got on a bus.
She's like, and I fell off the bus in Brooklyn.
I was like, you escaped 9-11 and then you fall off the bus in Brooklyn?
She was like, there was a pothole there.
So she has blood.
And then right away, I turned into that kid, John.
And so my dad says to Brother Rob, he goes, listen, he goes, don't throw my son out of school, okay?
There has to be another way.
Let's talk like gentlemen.
There has to be another way.
And then he says to my father, he goes, sir, are you stupid or something?
He's expelled from school.
And then my dad looks at me, and he looks at Brother Rob, and he goes, Chris, did he just call me stupid?
And I was like, you know, it sounded like a dad, but, you know, he's a man of God.
I'm sorry.
I was like, no, no habla, no habla inglés.
And he goes, do me a favor, Chris, lock the door.
And I was like, what?
He goes, just lock the door.
And so I got up and locked the door.
I didn't know, like, what else to do.
I was like, I felt like I'm fucking gonna get hit here, too.
Like, I've never seen my dad, like, just angry.
So I get up, I lock the door, and he goes, you really offended me with the words you've chose to call me.
He goes, it really hurt my feelings, actually.
He goes, so now you have two options.
He goes, the second option really sucks for you.
I would choose the first.
He goes, the first option...
Just put my son back in school, okay?
Easy breezy, no problems ass, I'll sign whatever forms you want.
He goes back to school.
He goes, the second option, and again, this one sucks for you.
He goes, I'm going to come over there and I'm going to break both your kneecaps.
And he goes, you may think I heard that line in a movie.
He goes, I'm one of the guys they write the movies about.
He goes, I will, and this is funny, he goes, I will call 911 right now.
He goes, I will give them my address, my social security number, whatever.
He goes, because I'd rather go to prison for the rest of my life and be back with my friends than you throw him out and me have to listen to his mother's fucking mouth for the rest of my life that he got expelled from school.
He goes, so either way, I'm in jail.
I'd rather be with my buddies.
So the choice is yours.
And then white as a ghost.
Brother Rob is like, okay, well, let's put him back in school.
And he goes, simple, easy breezy.
He just kept saying easy breezy, my dad.
I was like, stop saying easy breezy.
So he kept saying easy breezy, and my dad, and he goes, what we'll do is, he gets detention before and after school, and he's thrown off the basketball team.
Does that work for you?
And Brother Rob was like, that works for me.
And I was like, that doesn't fucking work for me.
I want to play ball.
I don't want to go to detention.
And my dad's like, no, you hit somebody.
It's not good.
He goes, I didn't raise you to be that way.
I was like, You just threatened to fucking kill somebody in front of me.
What are you talking about?
And he goes, I didn't raise you to be that way.
And then that's what I did my senior year.
Before and after school, every day.
No basketball.
And my father and brother Rob actually became like...
Friends at graduation, they were shaking hands, friends, everything was all good.
And it was one of those things where like, my dad, he's not that way anymore.
But growing up, like my dad was just that guy.
He was like, right intention, wrong move is the best way I could describe my father.
And now that I'm a father, I want to take...
Some stuff from him, but, you know, be more of the right intention, right move.
Because my dad, he genuinely was coming from a place of love when he was like, I'm going to hurt this principal because they're hurting you, but obviously the wrong moves.
But he just grew up in a time when it's like you wanted to get something, you got violent.
I'm very not violent.
I'm like a very big pussy.
Grew up around my mother, kind of anti that.
You know, the anxiety, I think, comes from that.
The Pandora's box was, you know, my mother's a very nervous woman to begin with.
The 9-11 thing happened.
I thought she was dead.
It opened up all these emotions to, like, what?
How will I navigate life if she is dead?
And then not being as tough as my father was, like, well, how do I protect her?
How do I protect any woman in my life?
That was a thing that I started to, like, grasp with.
And it wasn't until I had children, my first daughter, who's now seven, did I start to realize the narcissism and anxiety.
And I know that might not be the same for everybody, but to me, I started attaching narcissism to anxiety.
And I used to be proud of the, hey, I'm the anxiety guy.
I look like I don't have anxiety, but I have anxiety.
But now when people bring up, oh, you have a lot of anxiety.
I almost hate that version of me.
I'm almost like, that guy was very, very weak.
And I still have a lot of work to do.
But I'm like, I can't have...
All this mental energy be eaten up by my self-serving narcissistic anxiety.
If I'm going to die, if that's going to happen, I need to be like a present good dad.
And I need to figure, I want to have questions answered for my daughters when and if they ask me to them, I want to give them my full attention.
So little by little, my anxiety's been going down.
I think it still will always be there because that Pandora's box thing was open.
Yeah, it got to the point where every woman that I was with, every girlfriend I ever had, if I texted them and they said, you know, and if I texted them and they didn't write back to me in 10 minutes, all that anxiety of September 11th would rush on to me, and I couldn't get out of it.
I played college basketball.
It got so bad to the point where I used to bring my phone off Out onto the bench.
Like, in my warm-ups, I would, like, if the coach subbed me out of the game, I would run, make believe I'm going to get water, and I would rummage through the warm-ups and have my phone there to make sure my girlfriend at the time texted me she was home, and if she didn't, I couldn't function.
I had a free-throw average before.
When I didn't have a girlfriend, I almost had no anxiety, but when I did have girlfriends, insane anxiety.
I'm the all-time, or second all-time leading scorer now in my college's history.
Division III, so it's like bullshit, doesn't really count, but still, it was like, I guess, something.
The years when I had a girlfriend, my free throw percentage would be like 52%.
The years when I didn't have a girlfriend, it was like 90%.
And at that point, mental health wasn't understood.
My coach used to yell at me.
Get your fucking phone off the bench.
Or they would fuck with me on the bus.
Because my teammates started to figure out like, oh shit, Chris gets really nervous about his girlfriends.
So they would text me sometimes like from these random numbers or call me like press the star six seven to like block the number and be like, hey, you know, it's your girlfriend's Maria.
They're like, hey, Maria, I just saw your girlfriend Maria.
I think she got hit by a car.
I think she's dead, man.
And like, they didn't understand at that point.
They were just like trying to fuck with me.
We're 18, 19-year-old guys.
But I was paralyzed, like on the floor.
Got suicidal at times.
Jesus Christ, dude.
I couldn't talk to anybody about it because it just wasn't understood.
She was like Amy Schumer and Friends, and I had to go out and do a seven-minute set.
I fucking bombed like a full zero.
At the end of the set, I was like, I'm going to kill myself.
And I just walked off.
And I was like, you know what?
In the middle of it, I was like, I don't...
I just still feel like no anxiety, like I knew I was bombing, you know, I feel the sweat and all that, and I was like, this is gonna- So why are you saying that you wanted to kill yourself?
Because I think that, you know, I didn't give the people a good show, so that's what it was- That's not anxiety?
I guess it is.
I guess it is in some ways, but it's not like, for me, like, I wasn't like, my body, I'm saying the symptoms of it, my heart wasn't beating any faster.
Yeah, and I don't like the way that feels because it's that and I think it's mental energy.
I kind of feel like now, I have a stepchild and then two daughters, stepson and two daughters, and I'm like, I got to give them almost I only have a finite amount of energy each day now.
And I'm like, I can't spend this thinking if I'm going to have a heart attack or if I'm...
And then, like many things in my life, the consistency.
I stopped.
And now, like I tried to meditate today.
And I just...
Not that I couldn't do it, but I'm like...
I almost feel like I'm so jittery at times.
Like, you know, like...
About like, not jittery, angry at myself about my lack of consistency, that it takes me out of, I get angry at myself now, more than anxious about things.
I used to write down, go to the gym for 90 minutes, write for two hours, do this, do that, do two sets a night, do this, do that.
Whatever I was going to do that I needed to do, go to jujitsu at 8pm.
Whatever the fuck it was that I had to do, I'd write it down and I'd do it.
And once I started just doing it automatically, and then there's that feeling of being inconsistent, of like, I don't want to do this, just fucking do it.
I have two voices in my head.
I have me, and then I have, like, The drill sergeant.
And I listen to the drill sergeant.
The drill sergeant goes, shut the fuck up and get out of bed.
I think I feel at times, yeah, I guess I never really equated that, where it's like the more prepared I am for something, the less anxiety or stress I have about it.
But a lot of this stuff, the reason why I'm saying it is correct that it's connected to anxiety, you're thinking about yourself.
You're consistently thinking about yourself and your feelings.
Instead of just thinking about the world and thinking about experiences in life and just living in the moment, you're thinking consistently about your feelings and about worries and fears.
Yeah, and at times the change is difficult for me, but—and I don't know if this is going to—I don't want to say fix it, but help, but for a very conservative Irish Catholic mother— Listens to the government.
What the priest says is the thing we do.
What the president says is the thing we do.
Alcohol is okay because it's legal.
Weed is not okay because it's illegal.
Like, that's how I was raised for a very long time.
So for, you know, psychedelics and all those things, I'm very, very late to the game with even thinking I could do that.
Because I was always told, if you try any drug, it's going to mess with your heart.
This is how I was raised.
I wasn't raised with free-thinking parents, so to speak.
But now, I've watched...
Explained about on Netflix about psilocybin and they talked about how it can rewire you're like, you know If your brain is like a you know snow that is being skied on it has the tracks that go a certain way and then psilocybin is like the new snow I was like I think I need that at this point to be a better everything in my life tries to revolve around being a father now Have you done it?
No, I've never done any psychedelics, but I wish I had we had some right now Yeah, I would do it right now because I've never tried it.
And then I ate the entire chocolate bar, and I forgot that I even ate it.
And then we get to the Islanders game, and I forgot it was even in my system.
I genuinely forgot.
And then the first period buzzer went off at the Islanders game.
And I thought somebody threw a spear from the top of the arena and cut my body in half.
And I popped up.
I was like, I'm having a stroke!
Because my left side of my body went numb.
I was like, I'm having a stroke!
I'm having a stroke!
And Opie was like, calm down, man.
It's just the weed.
I was like, no, it's different.
I'm having a stroke.
I'm, I guess, still a licensed physical therapist.
But I was like, I know what it is.
It's a cerebrovascular accident.
I'm having a stroke.
Wow.
Yeah, and then I had to leave the arena and I walked up to the cops because again I was raised like in a very drugs are bad and I walked up to the cops and I was like I was like officer I'm having a stroke and he was like no you're not I was like I'm having a stroke and he was like did you take any type of drugs or anything like that I was like am I gonna get arrested if I say yes and he was like No, buddy.
You're not going to get arrested.
I want to help you.
I was like, I ate an edible.
And then he goes, how much?
I said, I ate an entire chocolate bar of an edible.
He goes, have you ever done edibles before?
I said, no.
And then he goes, and you ate the whole bar?
I said, yeah.
And then him and his partner started laughing at me.
Maniacally laughing at me.
And they go, just get in a cab and get out of here.
Take a shower.
You'll be fine.
And then I was in the cab and I, at that point, lived on 91st Street.
And I got off at 61st Street.
And it was a cold winter day.
I'd taken my jacket off.
I was, like, sweating.
And...
I called my friend Mike Cannon.
Shout out Mike Cannon, who takes a lot of edibles.
And I called him and I was like, buddy, I'm having a stroke.
Like, I don't know what to do.
Like, you're like my shaman.
And he was like, you ate way too much of it, number one.
He goes, but you'll be fine.
He goes, you're resisting everything.
You just have to accept it.
Just accept that you're high and have good intentions with it.
And I promise you it's all going to change.
And then I got, I went, actually, I went to, me and my girl were split up at the time, but we'd already had our daughter, but we were co-parenting at the time.
I wasn't even living at the apartment on 91st Street, but I knocked on the door, and I was like, Jazz, I'm having a stroke.
And she was like, you're not having a stroke.
I was like, I'm having a stroke.
I need to see the baby.
Before I die now, I need to see the baby.
And she was like- Jesus Christ, dude.
And she had taken, she had kind of overcome, she had taken a lot of drugs in her life, and, you know, She knew what to do.
She was like, get, go and take a cold shower.
I'm going to give you some big glass of milk.
That's an old wives tell her not, but that's what she said.
When you're eating it, your body's producing a completely different chemical.
It's called 11-hydroxymetabolite.
It's like when you're eating it, it's processed by your liver.
That compound, that metabolite, is five times more psychoactive than THC. So what you're experiencing is like a full-on psychedelic.
That's why it feels like you're on acid.
It feels like you're on mushrooms or something.
There's something very wrong.
Most people think they got dosed.
They think somebody put something in there.
Because it's just different than being high.
But even being too high from smoking it, if you're not a person who gets high all the time, Your body doesn't know what the fuck to do with that experience and it can trigger all sorts of weird paranoid thoughts and freak you out and it's not necessarily always gonna be okay.
Like this whole idea like you're gonna be fine when you sober up, that's not really true because there's legitimate evidence that a certain percentage of the people have Some sort of a psychotic break or some sort of a schizophrenic break that coincides with the consumption of either edibles or a lot of smoking pot.
Like Alex Berenson, who's a reporter from the New York Times, wrote a book on it.
I think it's called Tell Your Children.
And a lot of the cannabis people pushed back on it, but not me.
And I smoke a lot of pot.
And I was like, I think he's right.
Because I know multiple people who have never been the same, who've gotten really fucking high one time and then something went off.
I don't think it's something that people should take lightly because I think most people come back from it But I think there's certain people that have schizophrenic tendencies that if they do have what you would call a breakthrough edible experience like they're eating 250 milligrams or something crazy like that Which is you know for Joey Diaz is a normal Tuesday,
but for a regular person that'll send you into the fucking dark realm of And those kind of people, oftentimes, when they have these schizophrenic breaks, they're never the same again.
I know multiple people, two people that are close to me, that are not the same after they've had severe marijuana experiences.
Do you feel like you've ever had a schizophrenic moment where you're worried and paranoid and think that everybody hates you and the government's out to get you or you hear voices in your head?
And men who grow up without men in their lives, it's the same thing.
It's like we need...
I mean, obviously these are gross generalizations and sometimes people grow up with a single parent and they're fine, but oftentimes this imbalance by only having one, you know, gender in your life that's, you know, running a show, dependent upon their own personal personalities and anxieties and all their other things.
Can set you off on a course of, like, you need something that's not addressed when you're young.
I also grew up in a neighborhood where it's like if you were into learning, or pretty much if you were into anything other than sports or cars, you were gay.
Like, that's, you know, like, I know every state capitol.
When my mother would...
Get mad at me and I'd get punished.
She would lock me in my room from the outside, which is kind of crazy now that I think back.
But she would make me just recite the state capitals or read about history or read from an encyclopedia.
And I mean, sometimes it'd be like two hours and I would, you know, like stop reading the encyclopedia because I'm like, there's no way this lady's still listening.
And then like two seconds go by and she'd be like, continue, Christopher.
And I would have to like just keep reading.
So I know all these state capitals and all these facts and it's like, You know, I got a friend, Antonio Parisi, who did like 15 years in prison for my neighborhood.
It's like, I couldn't tell him like, oh, I know that the brown signs in the neighborhood are designated for historical blocks and you can't mess with the facades because they were built by German architects.
It's a thing that I grew up with big time, where like, even when I first started doing comedy, because it was in the arts, they were like, of course you do comedy, because you fucking like microphone, you like long things by your lips, you know, things like that.
Like, I've seen more mafia guys, like, coming home from prison.
Like, we're like, oh, you know, Vinny's fucking back.
Nails is back.
You know, like, balloons and stuff.
And just, like, full holding court...
Smoking cigars like what you would see like in the 80s, like mobsters coming back, which in a weird way kind of makes me feel safer.
Like it makes me feel a little bit like somebody was robbing cars on the block that I live on or trying to rob cars.
And a guy, I don't really know him, I guess, just got out of jail.
And, you know, there was like a group text that I just became a part of.
The numbers I didn't even know.
And one of, they were talking about as parents, like, you know, the cops don't get up here.
I live on top of a hill now.
They're like, the cops don't get up here so quickly.
And with the NYPD being like, you know, having some manpower issues, like, gonna have to police this area ourselves a little bit.
And one guy wrote back.
He was like, I just feel bad for these kids because if they break into my house or my neighbor's house, I'm going to shoot them and kill them.
And I feel no remorse.
And he was like on the group chat being like, that makes me sad.
I don't feel bad for them.
And I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
And then I asked one of my neighbors.
He's like, I think that's the guy that just got out of jail.
For 20 years, it was like some ex-mobster.
Because the Italian mafia guys, the ones that do still exist, they mostly live on Staten Island, where I live.
So you see them, you feel them a little bit.
And it's this interesting, like, safety...
Like, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
I feel like, you know, 18, 19-year-old kids stealing cars, I mean...
Yeah, you go to jail for that, but I don't want somebody to lose their life.
But I don't think these kids understand.
If they break into one of those houses around me, these guys, they all have guns.
They all have probably killed somebody before in their life.
They don't care.
And I think about that, too, as my kids.
I'm like, you know how many near-death situations I was in?
I'm sure you were in, Jamie was in when we were children, that we just somehow survived?
As a father now, sometimes I think about that where I'm like, Fuck all these near-death situations my kids may or may not be in, but then I have to tell myself again, that's bad wolf stuff.
Stay in the present.
Your kids are fine now.
They're little.
Everything's good.
Don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet, but I struggle with it in my head.
I love history, especially American Revolutionary history.
I love the Revolutionary War and the Civil War, but...
And I really love colonial, the idea of colonial America.
I almost feel like, I know this is weird to say, but I almost feel like I live there.
Like I almost feel like my soul, it's like weirdly connected to it.
Like very strange.
Where I'm like, I feel like I had a past life.
If that exists, like I feel like I was in that part of the world.
But when I go search for history stuff and start reading about history stuff and going for walks, like there's a place in Staten Island called Fort Wadsworth, which is where the British troops first made landfall when they were going to go take over, try to take America back.
That's where they landed, so it's like so much history there, and I feel like this insane sense of calmness when I'm there.
Like, all that stuff that's like, you know, what the therapist tells you, oh, if it starts with a what-if, that's anxiety, get it out of your head.
If it's not going to matter in five months, don't give it more than five minutes.
All these things that I try to remember daily that sometimes escape my brain, I have so much clarity when I'm sitting around Colonial history sites.
There's been times where I've drove to Colonial Williamsburg, which is nine hours away from my house, just to calm down.
No, so this whole, my whole life, I thought that, you know, my name's Chris DiStefano, I thought I was an Italian guy, you know, like, mostly Italian-American.
I knew my mother was Irish, she has red hair, and I thought my dad was, you know, hardcore Italian, and then I did the Ancestry.com And I found that I'm 95% German.
So, like, almost all German.
And I was like, wow.
That's weird, too, because, first of all, when I went to Germany, I went there to Munich, to Oktoberfest, people were just talking to me in German, and I had to be like, I don't speak any German.
And then they'd say in English, you're not German?
And one guy was like, I usually know when someone's an American.
You know, it's interesting to think about people that lived back then.
I mean, I'm obsessed with Native Americans, and I have zero Native American at me.
Nor do I have any, like, feelings that I have, like, some past...
History of Native American, you know, ancestry that I've, you know.
But who knows?
I mean, who knows what genetics carry, right?
Like, the idea that...
There's a lot of things that are in your DNA that have come from many, many, many, many, many generations ago.
Like, for instance, like, why are people afraid of snakes?
You know, or spiders.
Like, arachnophobia is a real thing, where someone will see a spider and be fucking paralyzed.
They don't know what that is, but they suspect that someone somewhere got bit by a spider Or someone saw someone get bit by a spider and died, and that memory is burned in the DNA of the parent, and then into the child, and then perhaps into the child's child, and it just carries on.
It's just speculation, but for whatever reason, like Ophidiophobia is the snake one.
Like, why?
That's what it is?
No.
Yeah, arachnophobia is arachnids.
I think aphidiophobia is a snake one.
But they don't know why, because it's crippling.
Like, you might not be afraid of dogs, which are real.
They could bite you.
A dog's fucking dangerous.
You might not be afraid of, you know, other things that are actually dangerous.
But you're afraid of a snake, or you're afraid of a spider to the point where you lock up, like, paralyzed by anxiety, and they don't know why.
Well, everybody should be scared of the dark, because the dark is, if you follow primate history, all of our ancestors, you go way, way back, they're all eaten by cats.
You know, cats operate nocturnally.
Our eyes suck at night, and that's why we had to hide at night.
You know, and that's probably one of the main reasons why people develop shelters, to avoid predators.
I started fighting when I was 15 and I'm really lucky I did.
I'm really lucky because I was dumb back then and my brain wasn't fully formed and I wasn't smart enough to realize how dangerous it was.
So I engaged in it when I was very young and I got used to these violent encounters on a regular basis because I was competing and fighting in tournaments all the time and that helped me so much.
It helped me so much.
Because regular scary is not as scary as fight scary.
Fight scary was like, it's coming up Saturday, tournament's on Saturday, here it is Tuesday, I'm fucking shitting my pants, I'm stretching, I'm warming up, I'm worried, am I gonna wake up on Saturday lying flat on my back with a fucking broken jaw?
Is that gonna happen?
I've seen it happen.
Maybe that's me.
Maybe Saturday's my day.
You know and then I'd find out who's in the division like oh fucking that guy's in the division shit, right?
You know and I'd freak out and that is so much more scary than most stuff that you encounter in day-to-day life that I got a Level of fear when I've when I stopped fighting when I was 21 One of the things are 21 or 22. I forgot when my last fights were they were in that range I think was before right before I turned 22 when I stopped fighting immediately I felt relaxed.
Like, immediately.
And then it was like, within a year, it subsided.
And then, luckily, I hurt my knee.
Because when I was bombing in stand-up, I was thinking about fighting again.
I was like, fuck this.
Like, I hated the fact that I needed someone else's approval.
Because the beautiful thing about fighting is, It didn't matter if someone didn't like me.
It didn't matter if people booed me.
It didn't matter because I knew how good I was.
I knew when I get out there, I'm going to put it on that dude.
No one's going to save him.
So in my mind, it was like, fine, hate me.
I don't give a fuck.
But then stand-up was the total opposite.
Everybody had to like you.
And I'm like, oh my god, my social skills suck because I didn't develop them.
From 15 to 21, I was just doing this weird, crazy thing, and I wasn't really engaging in most Like party type activities and I kind of liked it that I was this weirdo outcast who's doing this like dangerous thing So I was in high school and most kids are doing these things.
I was traveling around the country.
Yeah, like competing in tournaments So when I started doing stand-up there was a part of me that was like fuck this and I'll prop I don't know man.
Maybe if I didn't hurt my knee I might have fought again, but I fucked my knee up and I had to get an ACL reconstruction And that's like a whole year.
Like that takes a long ass time.
And I didn't have the money for it yet.
I didn't have insurance, so I had to get insurance.
And then I had to get it later.
And I had to get, it's like a patella tendon graft.
It's a big deal.
They take a piece of your patella tendon, they pull it out along with a chunk of bone from your patella.
And then I got better at comedy and then I got over it.
But that fucking, those moments of like fear and anxiety that you have, like when you're just starting to do stand-up, it's like a different kind of fear and anxiety.
They got fucked by the auto industry, pulled out, destroyed the economy.
If you go back to the 1950s and you see videos of Detroit, see if you can find some videos of Detroit in the 1950s and 60s.
It was one of the wealthiest cities in the country.
It was an incredible city.
And it was a city that was powered by American automobiles.
That made the city, man.
Everybody was there.
Chrysler was there.
Ford was there.
They were all there.
Yeah, so Detroit back then was fucking booming and then in the 80s I guess I'm not sure the timeline whatever they pulled out That's around that Roger and me movie right if you see that no I haven't I heard of it I still to this day think it's Michael Moore's best work I think that's his best work because it was real innocent It was like him really just a young unknown filmmaker who is trying to find out what the fuck happened and see if people couldn't comprehend The damage they've
done to the city, like how devastating it is to people that have no way to get out.
I mean, if you ever look at old pictures of, like, Iran, like, Tehran, Iran, like, in the 50s, 60s, it was, like, booming and beautiful, and there was not, like, nobody had to wear any headdresses, like, it was a beautiful, vibrant place.
It's only, like, you know, a lot, everything goes through, like, you know, like you said, like a history, like, you know, like, Detroit, it does feel like it's coming back a little bit now, you know?
They make really good watches and leather goods and like really good handmade stuff that's like solid quality and they're like proudly made in Detroit and all their stuff.
But even when I see people, and hey, whatever people want to do, when I see people lining up outside to get something or get in a concert, I never ever in my life wanted to do that.
So, if you wanted to go back to a particular point in history, if you could only go and watch it once, and maybe you could be there for 24 hours in this hamster bubble, where you just stay in this one thing, you can't go anywhere, you don't interact with people, but you get to experience what life was like.
See, I think there's, you know, a lot of people I know might want to go see the pyramids.
They might want to go into that time.
And I think that time is fascinating, truthfully.
But I think for me, I genuinely would want to go back, just because I feel such a connection to it, to specifically the Battle of Brooklyn in August of 1776. Because I would, number one, want to see, like, I think about, like, I want to know when I go to another city, I don't ever really go to the tourist attractions.
I do just to do it.
But I want to go see how people like me live in other cities.
That's what I'm fascinated, too, about history.
How did, I know how George Washington lived.
That was well documented.
But how did, you know, the gay anxiety girl dad live in 1776?
How did I... You know, what did I do back then?
Would I have been a soldier?
So I would like to go to the Battle of Brooklyn, where I lived, where it happened in Bay Ridge, all those shops and stores I know now, see it completely just in the forest or whatever it looked like in 1776, and see what really happened in these battles.
Because, you know, the winners write the history books, but see what actually really, really happened.
Because I think that, to me, watching, you know, on that battle, because there's a story in that battle, the Battle of Brooklyn, where they say, George Washington, we were going to lose the war right in the first month, but then a fog came in and kind of blanketed the narrows, it's called, like the Hudson River, and George Washington was able to get all the troops, like 80% of the Continental Army we had, back across the water and into New Jersey, or else we would have completely lost and be speaking British right now, potentially.
In 1846, Robert William Thompson, a 23-year-old engineer and Scottish entrepreneur, filed a patent in France for a wheel called a leather filled with air.
Wow.
This was the very first tire.
No shit.
He figured out a leather tube filled with air?
What a fucking genius idea, because everybody uses the tire.
You know, who would have ever thought, like, well, you know, it's hard because we need something that's durable, but we also need something that's got some cushion to it.
Oh, how about make it hard on the outside and put air on the inside?
Yeah, because you would think, you know, they made the wheel, they've had the wheel for thousands of years, like, just put leather on it, fucking dummy.
Yeah, see, it's a beautiful, like, circumstance environment thing.
My guy like that was this guy named Scotty Karate, who lived in the neighborhood, and he was just a lunatic, old-school, alcoholic guy that you would give him a dollar, and he would do any trick you wanted.
Well, like, it's weird that we're kind of living through the point now where it's like, even stuff from the 90s, which is, whatever, 20, 30 years ago, looks really old.
But it seems like just the fact that you can never get a flat from a puncture, just like a simple run out of air thing, that seems crazy that we're still reliant on not running out of air.
So even though it's flat, it's designed to have a certain amount of rigidity to it, a certain amount of give to it, and you can drive it for a long time.
But those cars generally don't perform as well.
And that's what I was getting to when I'm talking about the give of tires.
Those don't perform as well as the tires with air in them.
You know, it's like dorks get into, like, and I'm a dork, I'm saying to me, guys like me that get into cars, like, oh, the new one goes zero to 60 in three seconds.
I know a kid in my high school who used to sleep over my house all the time.
I remember one time he slept over my house.
He was a great basketball player.
He was like one of those kids.
He was like 5'5", but he could like reverse dunk.
Unbelievable b-ball player.
Yeah, he was a great, great, great player, this kid.
And...
Remember one time we woke up in the middle of the night, you know, sleeping in my room or whatever.
I was sleeping on the floor.
He was sleeping in the bed.
And he was in the middle of our hallway where my mom even woke up.
She was like, honey, are you okay?
To my friend.
And he was like, I just see these little green men.
It's like crazy.
I see them everywhere.
It's like wild in this house.
And she was like, okay.
And like we never thought anything of it.
It was late 90s, whatever.
Like, oh, a guy sees green men.
Well, whatever.
Made fun of him about it.
We were joking about it.
Whatever.
Fast forward 10 years later, we lose touch a little bit.
He went to the Queen Center Mall, went up to the fifth floor, jumped off right in the middle, in the middle of a Saturday, just landed on like the Cinnabon cart, dead.
And when I was reading the news, I got the chills because when I was, of course, to see, unfortunately, that a friend commits suicide, but when I was reading the newspaper article about it, that's how I found out.
It was in the New York Post.
They go, you know, witness said, you know, this man, you know, whatever, 27 years old, jumped, leaped off the, um, Fifth floor of the Queen Center Mall and he was saying that there's little green men all over him and he just needs to get them off.
And I was like, yo, that kid had schizophrenia or a major mental health issue when we were teenagers.
And I didn't even know.
I didn't even think about that little green men moment until I read that article.
I mean, my mom was single when I was growing up, you know, divorced from my dad.
And, you know, throughout the course of my life, she had a couple of boyfriends.
And one time she was dating this guy.
And everything was good, you know?
And then he wanted her to go up to, like, a summer house or something that he had, I think in, like, Vermont or New Hampshire, up in that North New England area.
And she, for some reason, just didn't want to go.
She was like, I just...
I don't know.
Like, things are going okay with this guy, but she's like, I didn't want to go.
I remember being, like, 14, and she's telling me about it, which is, you know, weird.
I don't have anything to give.
I'm just your son...
She's like, should I go, honey?
Like, do you think I should go?
And I was like, I mean, I don't know, like, I guess go.
Like, maybe ask my dad, you know, like your ex-husband.
I don't know what to do.
I'm 14 years old.
And she was like, I'm not going to go.
I'm going to stay with you this week and we'll just, we'll do something fun.
I was like, all right, whatever.
Yeah, have fun with my mom, I guess.
So whatever.
We just went for pizza, video games.
And then, like, a week later, she's on the phone with, um, uh, Like I guess police or something from that area and she's answering all these questions like no he you know I didn't want to go and and all these things and I'm like vaguely hearing it and then she said he like got so pissed off that she didn't want to go like like he felt like rejection from her that he went and killed some couple just sleeping like in their cabin in New Hampshire Vermont and like my mom's like I could
have been like That guy was a...
I would have never in my life thought that that guy was capable of that.
And he fucking killed someone.
And I was like, holy shit.
And my mom met this guy on a Catholic dating website.
Her whole thing with, she's like, whatever people want to do, but she always says, she's like, I was trans before it was cool.
She was like, so, she was like, here's the bottom line.
She goes, you can say pronouns, this or that.
She's like, whatever people makes them comfortable and peaceful, they should do that.
She's like, but the bottom line is, she's like, when I'm walking past you, if I'm in high heels and a skirt, and you say, excuse me, sir, she was like, I'm turning around.
I'm turning around because I know...
She's like, I was born a man and that's how my brain will always be a man.
Just like I don't live too far from where the Godfather house was, and I think that was demolished to you because it's like, you know, you own that house.
You're like, I don't want fucking people taking pictures all day and everything.
But she was saying that Ronald DeFeo Jr., she was like, when you talk to him, Same thing with Son of Sam.
You would not guess in a million years what they were capable of.
She said, Ronald DeFeo, the only thing about him, she said, you know, the sexual favor, she said she wouldn't cop to any sexual favors with Son of Sam, even though, like, we think, whatever, maybe she hooked up with him, maybe she's just not proud of it.
Whatever, it's her story.
She says, um...
But DeFeo, she was open with.
She would let him put a mirror out.
He could put a mirror out in his room and she would dress up in thongs and stuff like that and let him jerk off or whatever.
She'd cook him breakfast.
And he was kind of like his prison wife.
And Jerry said that when you talk to him, it was like the same thing every day.
Everything would be normal about him, but except if you ever brought up his crimes, He would never even get mad at it.
He would only look you as calm as can be and be like, I just wish I killed my grandmother.
I just didn't kill her.
And if I would have killed her, I'd be okay.
But I didn't kill her and that's the thing that keeps me up at night.
But anyway, how's your day?
What's going on?
So Jerry was like, that's what it was.
And he said David Berkowitz, which this was fascinating with David Berkowitz and Son of Sam.
I was like, whoa!
Because when she came on my podcast and started talking about it, the documentary about The Son of Sam, which on Netflix, did you ever see that documentary?
That the police wouldn't kind of, they tried to keep it quiet on the media and they wouldn't connect them.
But there are really very strong evidence that this shit was happening.
There was a cult and David Berkowitz was just the guy that took the fall.
He was just one of them that did this.
And Jerry was telling us that before the documentary came out, he was like, you know, the thing I learned about Son of Sam is that he didn't kill all those people.
She would say, she's like, he didn't kill all those people, baby.
No, he did not.
She was like, I was intimate with that man.
He did not kill all those people.
He was saying like that, and she was like, he's like, I know he didn't.
She's like, maybe he killed one or two, but he's a pretty nice guy.
There's no way he could have killed all those people.
And then the documentary came out like two weeks later, and I was like, and she was like, I told you.
And he killed like 62 people, just random people across the country, just walk into a bathroom, cut their throat, stab them, walk out, act like nothing happened.
It's World War II. I think most people, if you're in a war, there's, I mean, whether or not you would perform well, that's obviously, that's a different story, whether or not you could keep it together under the insane pressure of gunfighting.
I think, you know, obviously, the softer your life has been, the less adversity you've experienced, the harder it would be to do anything hard, anything difficult.
I was listening to some things like a very old man said.
I saw it on Instagram the other day.
Like this guy was like, I think it might have been like 100. So lived through World War II. And he was saying, you know, there's a chance.
He was like, I feel.
He was saying he feels rumblings of what it was like in Europe.
Pre-World War II now, because he said, I feel rumblings of it now.
He said, because if you would have told someone in 1930, if you would have told a Jewish person in 1930, 1935, even before Hitler came to power, hey, in 10 years from now, five years from now, you guys are going to be in concentration camps.
They'd be like, what are you, crazy?
Yeah, there's anti-Semitism, but it's like a tolerable level, which sucks, but it's there.
But like we have jobs, we have lives.
The society at that point was like as progressive as it was now.
Nobody saw that coming.
But the guy was like – so he was like, "I feel like the reason why you didn't see it coming – maybe it was World War I then.
You didn't see it coming is because you were living in peacetime.
He said, we've been living now in too much peacetime.
He said, because when you live in so much peacetime, that's why you never want to go to war.
He said, when you live in wartime, that's why you know the horrors of war.
So he is like, you understand you will get over your differences a lot quicker because you know what war is.
He said, our generation now, these people, we only know peace.
He said, and then the war is going to begin and you're going to beg for peace and it's too late.
And I was like, holy shit, that hit me in a place where I was like, yo, I've only lived in peacetime.
Do you think it's truthfully possible in our lifetime, our children's lifetime, for an American Civil War or a World War III for real at a global scale?
And that video, I remember thinking like, imagine seeing that video 10 years ago.
He'd be like, there's no way.
There's no way this could be.
But this, if this happened the way this happened, and then another big event happened, another big event took place, and they blamed that big event, whether it's on the Republicans or the liberals.
I mean, look at the French Revolution, you know, when Marie Antoinette is saying, let them eat cake, like, again, that was at the top of French society.
Things were good.
They were, at that time, as good as they are now, and then what happened?
They cut the king's head off because the wage gap is so big, and they feel that a little bit now, too, where it's like, poor people are getting really, really, really poor, especially now, and then rich are getting very, very rich.
I mean, this is why conspiracy theorists love moments like this, because they, instead of assuming that it's like massive incompetence and a series of events that causes a disaster, they just assume that, you know, they're trying to starve us out, they're trying to starve the babies.
That's a fucking super complex conspiracy that would involve a lot of people keeping their mouths shut and doing something that's really evil.
And then they have these jobs and they fuck this up and it gets to a point where they've made this disastrous miscalculation or a series of events have led to a shortage in baby formula.
Isn't it more likely that it's that?
You see how fucking goofy people are with almost everything?
Yeah, I think like, you know, just now as, you know, because it feels like this is like an age of like conspiracy where like science is more dominant than religion, you know?
It's kind of like, as a matter of fact, Giannis, when we talked about this on History Anus, he used to say something I never thought of, but he's the one that mentioned it, where he was like, you know, there was times when religion is more prevalent than science and, like, kind of just gets stuck in the mud at, like, middle ages.
You're just stuck in the mud.
No advancements really happen because religion is dominant.
He goes, but now science is dominant and religion is down.
Religion's getting a beating and science is dominant, so the world's moving very fast.
Where they don't want to even examine whether or not things are—whether it's beneficial or non-beneficial, whether it's dangerous or problematic, because they don't want to run the risk Of like offending a specific group.
Yeah, like that whole like thing where it seems like everything's black and white now, like where it's like you either do the things in the order or the person can't let you on when it's like, you know, the person who's in charge, you know, has to make an example of you where it's like we live in this gray world.
Like my daughter was at a birthday party the other day.
And we're in the amusement park, and you have to have wristbands.
The kids have to have wristbands, right?
And so all the kids are getting on with the wristbands, and one dad, the adults have to have tickets.
And the girl, she had a wristband, but he also had another little kid who wasn't part of the party, and he had a ticket for her, but he didn't have a ticket for himself.
So he was like, can I just go on with my daughter?
You know, she really wants to go on this rollercoaster with her sister, but she's not big enough yet.
Can I just go on?
And the guy was like, can't let you do that, buddy.
Rules are rules.
It's like, are they?
Like, at what point?
When would that...
Because I feel like 30 years ago, you would have just let the guy on.
Like, I feel like pre-9-11 was a different world.
That guy would have just let the guy on because it's like, of course, you stupid asshole.
One of the best things I've ever seen in my entire life, and I'm so happy it wasn't secondhand, I'm so happy I was genuinely there to see it from start to finish, is I was flying somewhere, and I was in the first class section.
I was up there.
It was like a short flight somewhere, but first class, it was only a few bucks more, so I got it, and I'm up there.
And there's a guy in first class who's being like such a dick.
Like from the beginning, like a dick.
Like he was asking the flight attendants like ridiculous questions.
He's like, do you guys have, you know, he wanted like a fresh mozzarella salad and she was like, we have what's in the menu.
Like, you know, like he was being that.
And you could just tell he was like, every time the guy would try to climb over him to pee, he would like look at him like obnoxiously.
And the flight attendant was a woman like in her 50s, very sweet woman.
And he, you know, they take your jackets, your sports coats or whatever.
And then at, you know, when we're...
Pilot comes on and says, hey, we're doing the initial descent, whatever.
She starts handing out the jackets to the people.
And then she's handing his jacket to him, and he goes, there's a crease in my jacket, lady.
There's a crease in my jacket.
She goes, sir, I'm so sorry, but, you know, there's money jackets in here, and I'm sorry, you know, we'll do what we can when we land, but, you know, whatever.
So polite.
And he goes, un-fucking-believable.
Crease in my jacket.
And he's, like, looking around at all of us, and we're like, who gives a fuck about your dumb jacket?
So, he keeps on.
And, you know, she's sitting in her bucket seat by this point.
You know, like, where I can't see her, but you know she's there.
But he could see her.
He goes, she's unfucking believable.
He goes, I'm gonna have your head on a plate for this, to this lady.
And he keeps cursing at her.
And it's so beyond uncomfortable, where you're like, oh my god, like, just shut up, guy.
It's your jacket.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
I don't know.
We might be, truthfully, like...
1,000 feet off the ground.
Like, we're going to hit 500 miles an hour on the landing zone, on the runway, in less than a minute.
All of a sudden, you hear the belt buckle unbuttoned.
And then when I was a kid, I should have gotten into mixed martial arts back then because I saw something happen that was wild.
My dad was taking me to a Knicks game.
1995, 96. I'm a little kid.
My dad's taking me to the Knicks game.
Stay.
Game's great.
We're going home.
My dad would always take me on the subway all the way back home to where I live with my mom.
And we're on the train, maybe 1030 at night, and there's a man and his wife and their daughter sitting in between them.
And you could tell something's wrong, like she's holding her ears, right?
Like she's in pain, looks like she's in pain.
And this group of teenagers get on, or maybe guys in their early 20s, and they're being like insanely loud.
Like loud, they're like kind of just causing a ruckus.
That's New York City, Subway, shit like that happens all the time.
So, loud.
And the father, so politely, is like, hey guys, I know it's free space, but my daughter has a double ear infection.
We're on the way to the doctor now.
Please, if you could just keep it down, or if you want to yell, like yell in the next car, please.
And then the guy goes, yo, fuck you.
Like that.
And I'm sitting with my father.
My father was sitting across, and my father says to me, he goes, this is going to be bad.
He goes, look at that guy's ears.
And he had like that cauliflower ear.
He goes, look, don't ever mess with a guy who has ears like that.
Never.
And he was like, it's going to be bad.
And I was like, okay.
And then the guy's just sitting there.
And when the kid, the 20-year-old guy, said to the father, you know, shut the fuck up or whatever, the wife just immediately starts rubbing the father's back.
Just rubbing him.
She's like, honey, just whatever she's saying.
I can't really make it up.
But I see rubbing the back.
So, he's sitting there and they keep yelling.
And she's like, you see the little girl like, you know how painful it is to have a double ear infection?
Now you got people now actively screaming.
And it must be just put right into her brain.
And the father says, guys, I'm going to give you one more chance.
Just please, please, please, don't make me have to act.
Don't make me have to act.
Please don't.
Please just go to the next car, please.
And the guy, the 20-year-old, at the top of his lungs screams, like, to be funny with his boys, like, rah!
Like that, to basically be like, fuck you.
In one motion, the guy gets up.
I don't know what kind of technique.
You would know more than me if you saw it.
Has him in, like, a fucking headlock.
And then what looked like breaks his arm off a pole.
Like, off the pole, fucking breaks his arm.
The kid's on the floor, screaming, screaming.
Maybe crying.
My memory doesn't...
I don't remember that, but crying.
Somebody pulls the emergency brake.
Now we're stopped in the middle of the tunnel.
The police walk onto the train.
Again, this was pre-9-11 where, like, rules were a little more lax.
Police get on the train.
Everybody says what the story was.
This guy gave him so many attempts.
Daughter's got an ear infection.
They winds up, they take the father and the daughter off to get the daughter to, I guess, whatever more emergency place or whatever route they have to get her ear infection looked at and they arrested the kid with the broken arm.
And I have a friend who works as a baggage handler in that section of the airport and said that the employee, I think it's United, is going to lose his job.
If you're at a job and you're in the service industry, which is essentially what you are, you're working behind a counter at an airport, and you wind up getting in a fight with someone, you got a video of it?
Yeah, it looks like he pushes him first, and then the other dude slaps him in the head, and then he takes a couple swings at him, and the guy moves away, and gets clipped a little bit, and then he hits him again and again and again, and then he steps forward and slaps him in the face.
So that is all everybody saw.
And then you see this punch land, and then another one, and now he's flatlined.
But there was a lot of shit that went down before this that most people didn't see because the video that was going around was only right after the slap.
What's interesting to me, though, is this guy, the guy who got knocked out, can take a punch and seems not to be afraid, but why, when he gets his opening, does he softly bitch slap him?
Yeah, that's why the police always have, like, the real footage.
Like, I have a friend, I'm sure you have many friends who are police, like, there's time, and probably illegally does this, but there's times where, like, a video will be on the news, and then he'll send you the real video.
Yeah, cops tell us the passenger, ex-NFL player, Brendan Langley, was arrested and charged with simple assault.
Langley was a third-round pick in 2017 NFL Draft out of Lamar University.
The employee has been fired following the incident.
So, it's interesting.
It's like, I don't know what happened.
He said, the law enforcement tells us the passenger was arrested, not the employee, despite the passenger's claim that he didn't throw the first punch.
It seems like, at least from what we saw there, that the employee touches him first.
When I was in high school, if you had an altercation, like if you got into the first couple years of high school, I had an all-boy Catholic high school, and then they let girls in.
But when they were just boys, and it was like a tradition at the high school I went to, if you got into a fight, like me and you were classmates, and we got into a fight, like just a verbal...
You would go to the basement after school and a teacher was there to supervise it.
They'd put on boxing gloves and let you like duke it out.
I said that might have been, when you asked me to go back in time, that would be the only one I consider, other than the Revolutionary War, is to see that formation.
What was the formation called?
The troops, they would do that in the movie 300. They would make that triangle and it was like impenetrable.
I would love to see that, like Thermopylae, something like that, only to see if it's true or not.
There's a lot of things that I was like, is it true or is it not?
Because even like Revolutionary War stuff, they say when you start to do the research that the Declaration of Independence wasn't what the people wanted.
At that time, it was like propaganda.
It was like American – it was like propaganda.
Like we – all we wanted when – all we were saying was we want people to represent us, you know, taxation without representation.
That's all we want is to be represented in parliament as a colony.
That's it.
But then the war effort is going on and, you know, a year goes by and all of the soldiers, the colonial soldiers kind of – Time is up.
They want to go back to their farms.
They miss their wives.
They miss their kids.
And Washington and all the – Benjamin Franklin and all these people are like, wait a second.
How do we get these soldiers to stay?
And then they hired Thomas Paine to write Common Sense, which was like the first viral – it was like the big TikTok of the day.
It was a pamphlet.
And it was like, oh, don't you want – Don't you want to declare freedom from the tyrannical British?
And most people were like, no, we have safety with these people.
And then their story is like that they created, the Founding Fathers kind of created this myth and they created like this thing that people were like, all right, yeah, actually we do, fuck them.
So I would like to see like, what's the truth?
I'd like to sit down with a random colonial person.
Just from any colony.
And just sit down and be like, in 1774, how do you really feel about the British, buddy?
What pisses you off about them?
And just have them eating molasses, making shoes, just fucking talking to me, you know?
And that's, I would like that, because we know what George Washington said, or we know what, you know, fucking any famous historical, I mean, it's written down, whether it's bullshit or not, but it's like, what did Joe from Massachusetts say?
1774 Joe.
What did that guy think?
You know?
Were there conspiracy theorists back then?
What were those conspiracies?
What did they think was fucking wild?
Because the top—you ever think about, like, the top scientist, the smartest—the Elon Musk of the day in 1700 just doesn't know anything?
They were like, oh yeah, the earth goes around the sun.
You're like, what?
No.
Now, it's like, what don't we know?
I think about that a lot.
It's like, the top guy now, 300 years from now, then he'd be like, remember how cute Elon was when he used to think about that dumb stuff?
I think by the time that happens, we'll be incorporated with technology.
I think that's going to be the big leap with people.
It's going to be like, there's a biological sort of a bottleneck, that biological things can only get so good so quick, whereas technological things can get good really quick, really easy.
But if the technological thing can affect the biological thing, like, you know, you could have some fucking super chip in your brain that allows you to get 5G Wi-Fi everywhere.
Sure.
That's what's going to happen.
That's what I think is going to be the big change.
We're going to look back on people that were normal biological people.
We said like 20 years ago, I mean, like, you know, we had, look at what an iPod, and we saw an iPod now, you'd be like, look at that thing, it's And now, but like, if you took somebody from, I don't know, 1600, and then dropped them off in 1700, not much of their life would look different.
Like, oh, we still got ships, we got no planes, we still got disease, we still got the, maybe little things, but not, now it's like, you go in a coma for 10 years.
When Jerry came out of prison 20 years later, he was like, the cars were going so fast, the phones, he didn't know anything.
And that was just 20 years of being incarcerated.
And I think about that, like, how fast can it go?
I mean, anything, right?
The train goes off the tracks when it goes too fast.
So I think about that.
I don't have any clue at all how to stop it, what to do.
Like, if you look at, like, the universe starts with the Big Bang, allegedly.
So that's the beginning.
And from then, everything expands.
And from supernovas, the carbon gets created.
Like literally from a star exploding, the carbon gets created that makes human beings.
So something happens.
And then from that thing happens, this one thing emerges that can change, like consciously decide to make changes to the environment around it to the point where it gets to the point where it can literally nuke every man, woman, and child off the face of the earth if it wanted to in one day.
Things keep getting more complex from the beginning of the first wheel to this guy figures out how to put a fucking leather tire on it to what we have today to Teslas to some shit in the future that's autonomous and just rides on your fucking brainwaves.
Tell it in your head where you want to go and it just takes you there.
There's no more accidents anymore.
We look back on accidents as a tragic, barbaric thing of the past, like horseback injuries.
If that becomes a thing in our lifetime, it's going to change everything.
If you're not allowed to drive anymore, if these things drive you, and then if the government gets to decide whether they can shut off your driving thing, that's just one part of it.
And what if you become incorporated with that thing?
What if that thing becomes almost like an extension of you as a human being?
Because you're electronically connected to it through it.
The big fear with me is that someone comes to the conclusion, or nature comes to the conclusion, that emotions are problematic.
Because although they create great energy, and emotions create things like love, And things like creativity and the passion that someone has expressing themselves in music or in anything that we enjoy.
You see that.
A part of that is emotion, right?
When Jazz Joplin singing, Take a Little Piece of My Heart Out, that song, you feel emotion in that.
What if we decide that emotion is what's causing all the war, emotion is causing all the rejection, What if you could just interface with things in a pure data-driven way, where you don't have to worry anymore?
Yeah, or that's also like, I think if you remove the emotion, that's how you get control.
I mean, it seems like, you know, Hitler, all these people, they kill the artists first, they kill the creative people first, because if you can think rationally outside the box, then it's more difficult to control.
That's why, when I'm actually listening to your, I think it was, is it Michael Pollard, Michael?
That guy, I've been watching, going down the rabbit hole with him, because just randomly saw it, when he said he stopped drinking coffee, For three months.
And then he's talking about the ayahuasca and something I never even thought of when he's like, you know, why are some drugs, like the drugs that can connect you to like that spirit molecule, the DMT, the ayahuasca, if then, you know, then, you know, maybe you don't fear death as much.
You're harder to control that way.
But like alcohol and other things get easier.
It dumbs you down.
Those things almost...
Could be argued make you smarter and more intellectual more intelligent So like even maybe that's what happens if you get some top person gets power and they're like I can't control them when they're so smart and connected Well, let me remove their emotions.
You know that's there's actually a book called the immortality key That's all about the use of psychedelic drugs in ancient Greece and how the authorities at the time the people in power at the time shut down and that the I think it was Was it the Pope?
And so there's this guy named Brian Mirror Rescue, and he wrote this book called The Immortality Key, and he came on to talk about it.
And one of the things they found was through these ancient vessels, like pottery vessels, that there was residue of psychedelic substances that was mixed in with the wine.
But these people, like, intellectuals of the time, would make a trek.
There to learn and to take part in these rituals, and no one knew what these rituals were.
It's like it's hard to know exactly what they did.
And when you read the sort of cryptic descriptions of what they're leaving out when they're talking about wine, we think of wine as being wine, like go buy a nice Chardonnay.
No, that's not what wine is.
To them, wine was stuff where things were always mixed into it.
So they always...
It wasn't just grapes that were fermented.
It was grapes that are fermented, but a bunch of other stuff.
And they would throw a lot of psychedelic stuff like ergot, which is like a type of fungus that gives you an LSD-like effect.
So they were basically tripping their fucking balls off and writing...
Literally the foundations of Western democracy right they were coming up with all this stuff most likely while they were tripping right because and and and you know like when I watched listen to some other people like again I'm all new at this like the last couple of months is when I've started to really read this book because it's perfect for you because you love history and You you're also curious about this this subject read that book the immortality immortality It's opened up a field of study in Harvard His research has opened up,
and one of the things that other people that work with him have uncovered in uncovering all this evidence, they've opened up this field of study in Harvard now where they're examining whether or not these psychedelic compounds played a big part in human history.
But do you think, like when I listen to like a Graham Hancock, who again, I just discovered, you know, like, do you think though that like, let's say it's proven to be true that the psychedelics, they did do that and they have a positive effect, would the government make them legal?
Or do you believe that the government Doesn't want that stuff out there because they know how powerful it is and how much better we could get as humans because of it.
That's why I'm so kind of like thinking about doing it.
I'm like, I think like you almost need that from, again, the brief research I've done on it and just really listening to experts in the field.
Like, are you even a complete human and at the highest function form if you don't at least do that natural stuff that ancient people have been doing for years?
I mean, one of the guests said that they give shots of ayahuasca to newborn babies in some culture.
You know, I think everybody needs a different thing.
And unfortunately, because I think it would be great if there was like one size fits all.
Like, hey, take mushrooms, you'll be a better person.
I don't think that's real.
Just like I don't think there's one diet fit all, one exercise program fit all, one interest in hobbies category that fits all.
It doesn't work.
We vary so fucking much, man.
We're the same thing, but we vary so much.
There's people that do things every day that you and I couldn't imagine doing once, and they do it every day with glee, and we're terrified of it, or we find it boring, or we're just completely uninterested.
You gotta find who you are, cultivate who you are, and in some ways you can create who you are, in that you can choose to be better at things.
Choose to be a better person, choose to be a better comedian, choose to be a better athlete.
You can choose to be better at things, and you literally change who you are.
Like, whoever Michael Jordan was before he played basketball, Is not the same guy that became Michael Jordan, the Hall of Famer, who's one of the greatest athletes of all time.
That guy became something.
He made himself, turned himself through will and effort and thought and hard work, changed who he is.
Yeah, I read this, you know, I feel like, I almost, it's weird, like, the last six months for me have almost been like, do I have, like, cancer or something like that?
Like, I have something that I don't even know about yet, where I'm gonna die, and these are, like, the last few years of my life, because I was just like, something just shifted in me, because I... I have two kids now, but when I had my first kid, you would think it'd be extremely impactful, and it was.
But now, I've been reading, trying to read so much about, not even so much history.
I do love history, but I've been trying to read other stuff.
stuff like I just read this book the five things you must know before you die by John Izzo and he interviewed all people on their deathbed from all different walks of life all different cultures creeds all different levels of intelligence but all of them had to be I think be over 75 and be at end-of-life care so they all had but cognitively aware and they all were saying the same things in different languages about not making money your God at all that
The guy on his deathbed, he was like, I wish I was surrounded by my family instead of my BMWs.
That's what I see on my window.
I don't care about them.
I wish my family was here.
And they all said the same thing.
It's not about...
All these people said, it's not about failing.
Everyone's going to fail.
All the people who are angry at the end of their life never took a chance to fail.
They never faced the failure.
They just said, I'm not going to do it.
And they lived their life comfortably.
And now they're on their deathbed being like, I would give anything back to do it.
The people who took all these chances and failed, a lot of them people were on their deathbeds almost penniless.
But Joy is so happy because they took so many opportunities and they failed at all of them.
Some people failed at like 90% of what they tried.
And they were so happy because at least they took the chance to do it.
And I was like, wow, there's a lot of things that I've done in my life.
There's a lot of things I have tried, like comedy and getting a doctorate degree and all that stuff.
I was like, oh, wow, I did that.
But then there's a lot of things I haven't because I was just – and I'm like, man, listening to these people, it's like just try – Safely try everything that you can and I wasn't like that like six months ago I was very like I'm just gonna do comedy that's what I want to do I'm in the comedy zone I do this and now I'm like into real estate now I'm into you know trying to get into even though I'm about to be 38 I'm like I can start MMA now I've always wanted to it's always been a thing in me like how come you don't know how to defend yourself I'm starting to
try to do that I'm starting to try to you know get out here and like you know learn More about psychedelics.
I almost feel like I can't stop myself from doing psychedelics.
It's going to happen.
Six months ago, I'd be like, I'm terrified.
What if my heart stops?
And now I'm like, well, if I take a psychedelic and my heart stops, then I'll just continue on with whatever the next part of my existence might be.
Yeah, so you can hunt things that you weren't exactly close to.
But it doesn't make sense that that would make your brain grow that fast.
The thing that McKenna said was that if you look at the timeline of when humans, their brains grew, it's at the same time where the rainforests were receding into grasslands.
And so when the rainforests were receding into grasslands, there was a lot of undulates, like cow-type creatures.
And a lot of the primates came down from the trees and they would flip over cow patties and find like beetles and bugs and worms and shit to eat.
And on the top of cow patties were often mushrooms.
And he thinks it's very reasonable to assume they would have experimented with those mushrooms to see if they're edible.
And one of the things you find when you do eat psilocybin, which is very common in cow shit, psilocybin in low doses increases visual acuity, which means you can see things better, which would make you a better hunter.
And they've proven this with the, there was a guy, I forget the guy's name, but he was a psychologist that, I think it was a psychologist.
And he did these studies on psilocybin and edge detection, meaning that if you took 100 random people and gave 50 of them psilocybin and 50 of them nothing, the ones that took the psilocybin could detect, if you had two parallel lines, if the line moved off the parallel, the ones who were on psilocybin could detect it quicker.
So it changes the way you see things.
It makes you horny in low doses.
It brings about a sense of community and creativity, and it might even encourage the creation of language.
And his brother Dennis explained that, but I'm not gonna butcher that, but he actually explained it on my podcast, why the way psilocybin interacts with human neurochemistry would encourage the creation of language.
So if that's the case, it's these primates experimenting with mushrooms, Accelerated our development far beyond what it would have been if we hadn't done that.
Yeah, I feel like there's almost no way that those types of drugs weren't a huge impact in our development.
I also think distractions were a lot lower, probably, back then.
And like, you know, like Great Pyramid stuff, when I listen to all these great thinkers talk about it, I'm like, but also, like, maybe feats like that would be impossible now because of distractions and unions and this and that.
But back then, it's like if I told you you need to get that brick in that right place or you're going to get whipped or killed, you would have a higher chance of doing it.
I don't think it was about, like, forcing people to do it as much as it is about skilled labor.
They just have recently decided, I think it was within the last couple of decades, that those people that worked in the pyramids were probably well-paid.
And they found camps, like the type of food that they ate, and they think it was skilled labor.
But the problem is they don't have any fucking idea how they did it.
The craziest thing about it is the technology that exists to move that stuff, there's no evidence of it.
The pyramids were almost like, if you wanted to prove that civilization gets to extreme heights and then gets reset, you would have to leave behind something that would defy time.
And the only thing that you're really going to leave behind that defies time is made out of stone, and it's huge.
And that's what they did.
They made something that defied our current understanding of construction.
Because if you ask people, could you build the pyramid today, there's a lot of people that will arrogantly say, yes, of course we could build the pyramid, of course we could do it today.
It's not that easy.
Maybe people could do it today.
But you have to think about people doing it 4,000, 5,000, 6,000 years ago.
How the fuck did they do it then?
There's 2,300,000 stones.
They're cut so perfectly that they come to a fucking point at the top.
And it points on each corner to true north, south, east, and west.
I think we are arrogant to assume that this is the greatest height that humanity has ever reached.
Yeah, I agree with that.
I think those things point to a humanity that existed or a civilization that existed that was way more complex than we understand.
And I think something happened.
And because of the Graham Hancock podcast and A guy named Randall Carlson who I've had on.
I've been introduced to the Younger Dryas Impact Theory.
And the Younger Dryas Impact Theory coincides with the end of the Ice Age.
And there's a lot of physical evidence that somewhere around like, I think it was more than one time, but from an area of like 12,000 years ago up until like 11,000 years-ish, the Earth probably got hit multiple times by a comet shower.
We probably got fucked up.
And the way they find it is they do core samples.
They fight iridium, and it's all around that same area of time.
When they get into that 12,000 and 10,000 years, there's a lot of iridium, which is really common in space and really rare on Earth.
And they find nuclear glass.
It's this shit that they find when they do nuclear test blasts.
And it also happens when asteroids hit.
So they found this stuff also in that same time period.
So they're like, I think Earth got lit up and it probably killed a large percentage of the population.
You don't know for a fact what happened 12,000 years ago, but you could look at a lot of evidence.
The Randall Carlson evidence is really fascinating because it literally coincides with the end of the Ice Age and a rapid death of a large percentage of animals in North America.
Well, we might be in a place where we could, or at least our kids will know.
Like when Lewis and Clark embarked on their Lewis and Clark expedition, nobody from America had been any further really west of, I think, Ohio.
So they were like, maybe the end of the earth is there.
They thought Lewis and Clark were fully, they packed tools like we might encounter dinosaurs.
And that That was just 200 years ago.
They genuinely thought like there's a possibility there's a brontosaurus out there because we didn't have any of this info yet and that was only 200 plus years ago.
So we could be in this crossroads now where it's like because what you said too is interesting when you're like oh we always think we're at the height of society like you know in Lincoln's time or right before Lincoln like you know talking about like a like a president's sex life or or Were they gay?
Were they straight?
None of that was a scandal.
It was accepted.
End of Roman Empire.
It was all acceptable.
Nobody had an issue with it.
But you would think, though, oh, now we're the most progressive.
And it's like, no, I think they were progressive back then.
And, you know, another thing to take into consideration is how long the stuff that we have that we rely on on a day-to-day basis would last if we weren't around.
So if we're going back to the time where we think they made the Great Pyramid of Giza, which is like 2500 BC-ish, somewhere around then, it's a lot of estimates.
Because it's like, if that was a million years of being untouched, I mean, like, if we got an asteroid, it all got wiped out today, and a million years from now, there would be no evidence of anything.
I might be interested in going into space just so I could get the perspective of looking down on the Earth from orbit.
I think it must be wild.
I think that must be wild.
I think, because astronauts talk about it.
They're pretty unanimous in it, that it's a life-changing perspective enhancer, that you see the Earth from above, and then the whole idea of, like, countries and war and, like...
Separated by borders seems so insane.
When you're like way above it looking down, you're like, oh my god, most of our problems would be solved if we didn't think in terms of borders and we didn't have groups of people that control massive groups of people.
Because all they want to do is profit off controlling massive groups of people.
Then you get totalitarian governments like China and North Korea and And then the people are fucking entrapped in this ideology and you're fucked.
And you look up down and you're like, this is nuts.
We got like hives of people that are living in these patches of dirt that think for some reason they have a dispute with people they've never even met, which is insane.
I mean, listen, I love, you know, being an American, but I will, I will tell you like, Five years ago, my sense of patriotism was a lot stronger than it is now.
Not that I love this country any less, but I'm like, it's stupid.
It's not that America is awesome and only awesome.
It's that if everyone had as much freedom as we have in America, the world would be a better place.
And if we could get what is wrong with America sorted out, solve all the inequity, solve all the inequality, solve all the bullshit with horrible, displaced communities where they have no hope, fix these real problems that we have here at home, It's kind of crazy how much time we put into other things, like outside of America, when you look at how fucked some of the cities in America are.
Or look at it, we're sending billions of dollars to Ukraine, Russia, and there's no formula on the shelves in CVS. I mean, I don't know where that fucking money's coming from.
Like, I wish I understood how they allocate money to problems, because if you don't think there's enough problems in America to allocate money...
If they're not paying attention to what the fuck is going on in Chicago, the crazy amount of gunfire that they have in the south side of Chicago, that is wild.
It's way more dangerous than a talk show because it's funded by a very specific group of people that want to put out a very specific narrative.
And that's one of the reasons why the rise of independent news sources like Breaking Points and all these different shows that they have that are out there now.
That's what's interesting to people because now you get real news from actual journalists who's one of their things that they're selling, their currency, is honesty.
We don't get that from the one thing if you're gonna listen to Fox News or you're gonna listen to CNN you're gonna get Ideologically driven yes information right depending on who the source is which anchor it is is talking But you're gonna get it from the right on Fox.
You're gonna get it from the left on What about what about if someone just tells the fucking truth?
I agree those don't exist on television anymore not anymore No, I kind of, it's more on the internet or like these other places.
Like, it's kind of like, you know, the CNN and Fox News.
It's like, you know, it's chain food.
It's TGI Fridays, whereas like the best food is the mom and pop places.
And that's where I try to focus if I'm going to look at the news.
I've tried actually, though, I think, you know.
There's an obligation, of course, to be informed.
I think just being a person, being a comic, whatever.
But I really, really, really, I mean, with, I would say most of my energy, you know, trying to lose that anxiety, most of my energy every fucking day, even more than physical at the gym, more than anything else, has been trying, trying with literally every cell in my body every day to get off or to limit myself from social media because I believe in my heart that it is as bad for you I've
been off Twitter for nine days now.
I still have somebody tweet for me.
I send them what I want to be said in my videos or wherever I'm going to be, promos, but I don't look at it.
And just in nine days, I feel You know, I'm silly.
You know, when I go start the podcast, oh, I hate myself.
There's a silliness to that.
It's just me.
But genuinely, honestly, truthfully, gun to my head, I feel, in just nine days, like, incredibly, so much happier.
Because just a couple of...
It just takes one or two to get past the goalie, and then it hurts you.
You know, when you see things about, like, your comedy, your look...
You're this, you're that, how you are, what they heard you say on this podcast.
It's painful to hear any negative response.
So I used to think, oh, I have to take it all in.
If you want to keep progressing in this career, you got to take the positives and the negatives.
And I'm like, why do I have to do that?
I'm only going to live once.
I just want people to say positive things or hear positive things about me.
I know what I'm doing wrong.
I can self critique and I can have members of my family or close friend group tell me something.
I've tried to make a point now to make like a real fundamental decision to be like, I'm not going to let someone I don't know that I've never met influence my behavior or my mentality at all, including politicians or newscasters.
I don't care because I'm like, I don't know them.
Oh, so-and-so is an idiot.
I'm like, yeah, I don't know.
Like you said, it could have been edited.
The video is edited.
I'm like, I've never met any president or politician or newscaster.
I care about what my dad thinks of me, what my girl thinks of me.
I'm trying to just focus on that, and I've gotten noticeably happier in just less than two weeks.
They can talk all that shit they want, but no one gets to that spot except the people who get to that spot.
So whether it's you or whether it's fucking Giannis or Chris Rock or whoever the fuck posts on Twitter and reads all the stuff that people are saying about them.
You're letting your fucking state of mind be influenced by untold millions of people randomly, which is not a good gamble.
But then, on social media, especially when I put the special out on Netflix, because now I'm outside my podcast fan base, now it's like, Your comedy sucks.
And, you know, there's good in that, and, you know, that can get away from you, too.
I mean, at a certain point in time, you've just got to appreciate the moment of life and don't be even too self-critical.
You only have so much time in a day, and the way I always describe it is this way.
I said, if your entire consciousness, everything that you're capable of thinking of, is like a bandwidth, like you have a hundred units of these things, and then you take 30 units.
I have friends that have killed a fucking vacation because they went on Twitter, they read something that someone said about them, and then they clicked on an article and read the article, and then wrote a response article.
So they're in fucking Hawaii with their family.
Their family's out by the pool, having a good time.
They're in the hotel room going, oh yeah, well fuck you.
And this guy is brilliant, by the way.
It's insanity, the idea that people could think that that's healthy.
If you are putting your staff out there, and you're clearly doing that, you're going to have criticism.
You're going to have a certain amount of it.
But you can't expect the normal mind of a human being Which is what you have and what I have.
Just a normal mind.
To comprehend what the fuck it's like to get criticism from a million people.
I'm trying to be proactive about it and be like, okay, if this is going to happen, if the career is going to go the way I want it to, then here's what I'm going to do to try to protect myself.
The people that I know that are on Twitter all the time, they get in disputes that wound up keeping them up at night.
They go crazy, and they'll tell me about it.
You know, I couldn't fucking sleep, and then I got so upset, and I'm reading the replies, and I'm replying to them, and I can't wait to see how they replied to my reply.
I'm like, bro, this is not real.
You're not at a war.
This is like some weird, it's like you're sending evil notes on passenger pigeons back and forth to each other.
You hit that on the head because I, the people, I got a person in my life that I've I've never once in my life seen them apologize for anything or I've never once seen them when they get told that they're wrong.
Just accept it.
I was in a store once and he was talking about hockey and he goes, oh yeah, it was the fourth quarter of the hockey game.
And the guy was like, oh, hockey's only got three periods.
He was like, no, it doesn't.
It's got four quarters.
And you're like, what?
Of course.
And he wouldn't accept it.
And I was like...
Man, there's no way that, like you said, there's no way that guy grows.
I feel like one thing I want to make sure my kids always know how to do is say they're sorry and have the courage to admit, hey, I was completely wrong.
And actually, Benjamin Franklin said the reason why George Washington was the man who he was and why he was able to get the country out of the mess is because he was not...
He would retreat.
He would realize, I fucked up.
I just put this...
Soldiers in a bad position.
I'll look like a dick in the press.
Let's retreat and we'll survive another day.
Where at that point, every other...
Like British generals, you know, they would just march their soldiers, the redcoats, in formation like idiots.
And they would just get shot and killed.
And it's like...
Because they were like, hey, if we're in the wrong system, then we're going to kill everybody.
What I was saying earlier was what I meant by it when I talked about war, that everybody's kind of capable of it.
If we all agreed that there's a group that's killing us and they're coming to kill us and you had a gun and they were coming your way, you'd shoot at them.
I feel like the tribes stick together more than the races, you know?
But, you know, I read something interesting the other day about World War II, about how a couple of battles in the beginning of the war, Hitler and the Nazis were very adamant about, we're at war, you will not have prostitutes, you will not eat bad, you know, you'll take a little Panzer Chocolat, a little crystal meth, and you will go out there and fight.
The reason why they lost, the reason why France got fucking rolled over, they say, is because they all had STDs.
That's a Real theory that they all had chlamydia and fucking were just fighting with infections where the Nazis were just coming in there pounding just with full cocks.
When we send people and you know they're going to die for an unjust cause because they're going to create wealth and they're going to control resources.
In a way, they're sacrificing lives for a greater good, what they think is a greater good for them.
Yeah well that whole idea too of like war and you know and again I'm sure there's a million reasons why it doesn't but it like it would seem like if I wasn't a human I was looking down it would seem like hey all you people don't have to die why don't you just get the one leader of that country who's mad at that country just have those two fight or have them both pick one guy to fight and the winner gets whatever.
Even the best presidents, even the best leaders and prime ministers, at the core of it, you're an egomaniac lunatic if you even want to be in a position to lead these people.
Of course.
If you want to be a Putin.
Even a good president, if you want to be a nice guy, if you want to be a JFK or an Obama even, even though I loved Obama, but there's no way that guy isn't a fucking egomaniac lunatic if you want to be president.
If you're around all these people that you know are engaging in what is essentially insider trading, and they're all openly doing it, And they're all responsible for the law, and they're responsible for the way this country runs at its core, and they're just fucking raking in cash from all this fucking dirty shit that would get you arrested in other businesses.
It almost feels like, I know we need people to lead, but it almost feels like in a way, and maybe I heard this from somebody, maybe it was Graham Hancock who said this, that we're almost outgrowing government.
Now where it's like you don't need it as much anymore.
Because now it's becoming like we're starting to like revolt a little bit.
Well imagine if there was no boundaries on what a person could and could not pursue in terms of their religious freedom, what they want to do for a living, what they want to do sexually.
If there was nothing, if that was completely off the table.
That's an archaic thing in the past like burning witches at the stake.
And then we realize there's a certain finite amount of resources on Earth, but when it's spread evenly, there's really enough for everybody.
So we're just going to make a certain amount of food available for everybody, housing available for everybody, and we all work together to make sure that everybody lives at a certain level of life.
Then the other things are just about how much effort you're willing to put in.
But how are they going to communicate that idea to everybody and have everybody accept it?
They're not going to.
We're stuck in this paradigm until people work it out.
I don't think it's a function as much of a group of people that have decided to hide the truth that we can all get along together as much as they're just trying to control what they have And they're dealing with other countries that are trying to control what they have and arguing over resources and territories and laws that get passed and things along those lines.
That's why I think, though, I really believe, in Mi Corazon, that aliens are going to be, like, not only are we going to find out that they're for real, for real, but they're coming.
Because I think that's the only way we unite as a people is we got to fight something else.
Now, I think who knows if we get demolished or not.
Maybe, maybe not.
But I do feel like we're getting set up.
I thought aliens were coming at the end of the pandemic.
I think we all did.
I think we're all like there's no like the NASA, the research, everything's coming out.
I feel like they're coming in the next 20 years.
And that's the only way we can get back to, you know, kind of coming together.
I think that if If aliens do exist, and they have gone through a similar evolutionary process as human beings have, and one of the things that's interesting about that is there's a real good theory that psilocybin itself might be extraterrestrial.
And they think that, well, they know that some, like we're talking about iridium, how iridium exists when they go to do the core sample of like 20,000 years and they get to that area where they think the impacts hit.
There's all this iridium.
Because they know that iridium comes from space and oftentimes exists in meteors that land on earth and that's how you find it.
But other stuff gets there too and there's even this theory of panspermia.
Panspermia is a theory that the organic building blocks from life or for life, like even amino acids, they could have come here from some other planet, crash landed and the chemical process begins, it creates life.
Now, if that's the case, if they think that psilocybin can exist and spores, like fungus spores, can exist in a vacuum, they could conceivably be on a rock that lands on Earth in a meteor impact and spread that way.
Yeah, because it seems to me that I could understand that being kind of a hypothesis that could be true because, again, I know you've done it before, but it seems when I – the research I did with the psilocybin, people kind of say – I keep hearing the similar thing that in different ways with mushrooms or ayahuasca, a lot of people say that they – Calm down a lot.
Isn't it interesting that something that alleviates ego's control, alleviates you from ego's control, because one of the things that it does is it diminishes the ego when you take psilocybin, but also diminishes anxiety.
Remember we were talking earlier that it might be a narcissistic thing, and you were saying that it might be a narcissistic thing to be so anxious?
If that kind of seems like that may be a possibility for some people, obviously for some people, and I should be clear on this, we were talking about it earlier, some people have anxiety because they're mentally imbalanced.
Something's wrong.
There's some chemicals that are off in the brain.
The idea that something can come along that can alleviate your anxiety but also diminishes the ego is really interesting.
Because how much of this mental energy that people put into thinking about themselves would be alleviated if they realized they were a part of something that's immense and huge?
That all of life itself is experiencing it through these different biological filters, but that we're ultimately really the same thing at our cores.
And that's one of the reasons why we freak out so much, or let me tell you something, I do.
I freak out so much at people's flaws.
I mean, flaws as in people that lie, or people that steal, or people that try to harm people, because I'm terrified in seeing those things in myself.
You know, you worry like, oh, I could imagine if I grew up in the foster care system and I was in and out of jail and getting beat up all the time that I would become this criminal that I'm looking at right here.
Okay, the idea that everybody creates their own destiny with their imagination is kind of silly.
But people do think like that, that it's your fault.
I've heard people say it.
There was a fucking documentary.
I don't even remember which one it was, but one of those wacky metaphysical documentaries that was trying to say that everything in your life, including all the diseases that people have, everything is created by your own mind.
Like, that is so crazy and so dumb.
Do you think that, like, someone who is born with, like, mal-shaped limbs, was that their personal choice?
It just doesn't experience, you don't experience it every day.
So you assume because you're aware of the patterns you do experience every day, like driving to work, I see a certain amount of things, I'm around a certain amount of things, all that shit ends if an asteroid hits.
Boom!
Back to cave people.
Instantaneously.
Cannibalism.
Instantaneously.
Scratching and clawing to survive.
Instantaneously.
Right.
That's a reality.
That can happen.
And that's what we don't think of because it hasn't.
But we know it has.
That's what's so fucked.
We know it did kill the dinosaurs.
We're pretty sure this Younger Dryas Impact Theory has got a lot of validity to it.
It seems like it has a lot of evidence.
It points to it being one of the possibilities to kill off a giant percentage of fucking animals on this planet and probably reset civilization.
Well, I was going to say, and that I think is the slippery slope where it down now, or at least were down a little bit a year or two ago when trying to, you know, go back in history and remove certain figures.
So when you have a statue of George Washington and then you hear about the good stuff that George Washington did, like what you were saying, is his humility to pull out and his smart...
But then you find out that his teeth were all...
Slave teeth that he had pulled from his slaves and made into dentures.
It's fascinating because what I like is an author and what I've always liked.
From an early age, I've always been like, I'm learning history here in history class in my high school or grammar school in America from the point of view of an American.
I want to learn from America's enemies what happened.
And then I can kind of piece together in my own...
Because history isn't even fact.
It's all recounting tales and it's all telling a story.
But when the British got to colonial America, they were...
On the floor astounded that there were slaves.
That was the thing that was disgusting them.
Like British soldiers, they have a letter, a letter of a British soldier writing back to his wife.
He's like, he was terrified of two things.
He goes, one, Massachusetts, the most Puritan, Puritanical place we had that was supposed to be the best people living in our country in that time all had slaves.
And he's like, I can't even sleep at night that these people are enslaving other human beings because slavery was outlawed 100 years in England.
And then he said, you know, another thing, and it's kind of crazy, and this hit me with German, because, you know, the British hired, you know, mercenary, Hessian mercenaries, German mercenaries.
He said they ran onto shore, ran off the fucking boats, and started killing American soldiers and cutting their faces off and taking things as, they were brutal.
He said, brutal, vicious.
And it's like, not all Germany, but then it's like that country's history.
It's like, you know, all the way up to Nazis.
And you're like, oh, maybe there is something in DNA where, like, tribes act like tribes, because even back then, In the book, they were like, Hessians were fucking wild.
Like, you know, like I learned when I went to Charleston, you know, like one of the greatest comedy movies of, you know, whatever, the 2000s, I would argue, was Knocked Up.
That was like a great movie.
Oh, Knocked Up!
Judd Apatow's Knocked Up!
And then I went to Charleston, and I went to visit the slave market there, and you know where term Knocked Up comes from?
Well, maybe it was a common expression before that, and then they added it to this woman being pregnant with slavery because it indicated the same thing, that the price was knocked up.
Right.
Like, so maybe knocked up.
Like, how much are horseshoes?
Oh, they've been knocked up.
Like, maybe it was normal to say knocked up, and then it became knocked up with that on top of it.
Or, like, even just two years ago, a woman who I know, one of my mother's friends, who was working at a hospital for 30 years, an employee came in, like, a new...
A younger girl.
My mom's friend is white.
This girl happened to be black.
And she goes, the woman who's been, again, working there 30 years, the girl asked a question, and she was like, oh, don't worry about it.
We're going to educate you.
She goes, don't worry.
We're going to whip you into shape, and you're going to be great.
Well, one of the things Native Americans would do, unfortunately, when they kidnap people is they would accept children because those children could be integrated into society.
But they would let children join the tribe because they had a hard time with women keeping babies because all the riding on horses would have a lot of miscarriages.
So they needed to keep their numbers high.
So they would incorporate kids that they had kidnapped into their tribe.
I mean, well, I mean, I guess, you know, too, like in nature, like that's the thing is like, you know, I guess because we have conscious thought and all that, you know, humans get a bad rap.
But like I saw a video once of this zebra that was giving birth.
And I guess the father that impregnated that zebra must have been killed in the course of the baby giving birth.
And then the new male zebra came in.
And as the baby's being born, the new male zebra is stomping its head to death because it's like, that ain't mine.
My friend, born and raised in New York, just could nail it.
He was like as good as accents as like a Dan Soder.
He would...
Weekly, we would watch him do this.
He would go out and become a British man for the entire night and make believe he was British and hook up with girls all day every day with the British accent.
Well, I used to be the job, like my high school job, like, you know, I worked at the US Open, the USTA Tennis Center.
And so, like, it's funny, like, Roland Garros or Wimbledon or the Australian Open, they all pick the elite members of society's children.
These are prestigious jobs where, like, USTA just picks, like, dirtbags from Queens and Brooklyn.
Like, it was just us, you know, no experience.
We didn't even know tennis.
We were like, 15 love, what the fuck are you talking about?
Like, we had no idea.
But it was a cool job.
We worked the grounds crew.
I used to stack the towels in the men's locker room.
Dude, I've seen everybody's dick.
Roger Federer, Roddick, everyone just walks around with a piece.
One of my friends, he was stacking the ice on, it's called P1 through 7, practice course 1 through 7, and he started flirting with, I think it was Serena Williams.
She was 16 at the time, he was like 17, and he says he made out with her Like, behind a dumpster or something like that during practice.
I'm like, I don't know.
We've never verified it, but he's a good-looking kid.
I was like, yo, we used to see crazy shit.
But one time, I was sitting watching a match, and this umpire, you know, up in his chair...
Like, you know, 15 love, 30 love, like that, like prim proper, gets down, right off, as soon as the match is over, and is talking to his wife, like, he's like, hey, you know, is there gas in the car?
I wonder, if I was going to talk to Noam Chomsky, I don't know if that's what I'd talk to him about, but if I was going to talk to someone who's a legitimate linguist, I would say, what are the contributing factors that leads to a certain sound that encapsulates the way people talk in a specific region?
Because California doesn't have anything.
California, if anything, has a little bit of this.
There's an uptalk, but that's more tech than it is California.
There's a way that people talk.
There was a time where I think more people have become so aware that it's so gross and fake that they don't do it as much anymore.
But uptalk was a way that you could pretend that you were intelligent, and you were part of this tribe of really intelligent, creative people.
I don't know where you come from, but I give you all the welcome I've got to offer you.
And I want to tell you that I'm living on the same ground that I've lived on for 75 long years when I come here as an 18-year-old bride.
I went to Washington 50 years and a little more ago.
I saw all the people around there and had been with the presidents.
And I learned a great many things up there that I didn't know before.
I'll add a little more to it.
I was one of the Board of Leader Managers for the Chicago Exposition.
And I served my full time in Chicago and learned a good many things over there.
I was a delegate to the Tennessee Centennial Exposition.
I was a delegate to St. Louis, a juror at St. Louis.
I think for a North Georgia cracker of my size and age, I've had a pretty good education on that line.
That do all right?
I was a three-year-old girl when the Indians were moved from this country to Indian territory.
I have an indistinct recollection of seeing the Red Men as they went through the Woods, for everything was woods nearly at that time.
I have a distinct impression if a three-year-old child can have it.
Nevertheless, I've been here since that time, and I've seen the march of progress all the way.
At that time, we had only stagecoaches, and we only had horses and buggies, and we had lots of foot-back travelers.
Now I've seen it come along all this way.
And a plane goes over this, over my house, going on its way, and it's got to be such a common thing, the old girl don't go even out to see if she can look at it.
Do you know that the last person whose father fought in the Civil War only died like three years ago?
There was a guy who was alive who he, the guy who just died, lived till he was like 100. His father fought in the Civil War when his father was like 15 and had him when he was 84, something like that.
Most people were, like, illiterate in, like, reading Latin.
Like, who the fuck knows how to read Latin?
Who the fuck knows what that's saying?
So when Martin Luther came along and they gave, like, a phonetic version of the Bible that you could read and then told you to interpret it yourself, like, figure out what God said to yourself, it created a giant uproar.
I think there's probably a lot of civilizations that went under because of natural disasters.
And the theory is that if you're in a regional area that experiences like a volcanic eruption, like Pompeii or something, but even before that, like even further back, a thousand years before Pompeii.
No one has any fucking idea what happened.
Everybody's dead.
Everybody's dead and you have stories that get passed on.
Something then got reinstated in 1960. Would you want to interact with him or would you want to just be around and watch as like a silent, invisible observer?
So like what you're talking about, Richard Ramirez or Henry Lee Lucas or fucking any of these serial killers that we know of, that's what the fucking king was.
Heard's, quote, bruise kit comment sparked conversation among TikTok users, a number of whom asserted that bruise kits are usually used to apply the appearance of bruises rather than cover them up.
As the second-slung video comes to its conclusion, it was further edited to add Heard referring to her makeup palette as a bruise kit before correcting herself.
Well, he's doing it because she wrote an op-ed, which turns out she didn't even write the op-ed.
Someone from the ACLU says they ghostwrote the op-ed, and the op-ed was about her being a domestic abuse survivor.
And so that made Johnny Depp unemployable, because it made it look like Johnny Depp was beating people up.
And that's how he got fired from the Pirates of the Caribbean, that, and also the fact that He lost another lawsuit in the UK. But I feel like this is even making him, even if he comes out on top, it's making him more unemployable.
What happened was, I don't know about that specific thing, but my boys, I wasn't there.
My boys went on a bachelorette, a bachelor party to Nashville and one of my friends Hooked up with a girl, just ran, you know, bachelor, bachelor party, ran them in Nashville, right?
Next morning, doesn't, you know, barely knows her even, you know, but all consensual, all good.
Not even that drunk.
Like, they just hooked up.
Everybody saw them.
The bachelorette party saw this girl kindling with him and blah, blah, blah.
Next morning, wakes up cops from the police department bringing him in for rape.
And he was like, what?
And they were like, accusations, this, that.
He goes...
Has to hire, you know, gets out, has to hire an attorney before the court, before it even gets to the trial.
Like this man, like his whole life, like you have to understand how much this consumed him because he did not do this.
We all know he didn't do it.
Even her own friends knew he didn't do it.
This missing link was she was engaged and the guy found out that...
Like, she fucked somebody the night before because she drunk texted or something, whatever the story was, and then went right to that.
And then, so I'm not saying that, you know, that's just one specific story, but I saw it.
He was like, dude, I'm going to like, he almost like, he was, I want to say close because if someone says they kill themselves, I don't know when they actually do it, but he was like, in the group text being like, I can't handle this.
Like, I did not do this.
And then...
Out of nowhere, her lawyers called his lawyers and were like, she's calling it off, like we're calling it off and just it's over.
Dude, I fucking bombed a corporate gig three nights ago because in the front row, there was mostly white, rich people, and there was a, I think he was a gay guy, black gay guy in the front row, and he kept cutting me off.
He was like, you racist motherfucker!
He just kept calling me racist.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
I was like, I'm not racist.
I've tried to do bits.
I was like, I know I got a cop head and whatever, but I'm a good guy.
And I kept trying to say, I was like, I have a bit about having a Puerto Rican kid.
I was like, oh, I got a Puerto Rican kid.
He was like, just because you talk about dating Puerto Ricans doesn't mean you're not a white motherfucker.
You all kill, you kill my people.
That's what he kept saying.
And nobody knows what to do.
I don't know what- This isn't a corporate gig?
This is a corporate gig in the front fucking row.
So I am- Bombing!
Like, you can't believe it.
And then I finally said, I said, dude, the only way in 2022 I can get out of this being a white man and you being a black man is if I get on my knees and start sucking your cock, which I'm willing to do.
Yeah, but isn't it amazing that someone could be confident enough that they could do that and interrupt a show and yell shit like that out at you and know they're not going to get fired for that?
Well, I even said to him, I said, anything I said, it kept getting worse and worse.
I said to the guy who was heckling, because there was a head guy, a boss, and I was like, do you work for this man?
He goes, why can't I be a partner?
Why do I have to be an employee?
Because I'm black?
I was like, literally, no.
I was like, I'm genuinely just trying to get out of this fucking alive.
But it was like one of those, and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse, and nobody was laughing, especially the rich white millionaires were like, we can't even touch this.
And then he became kind of like, his son was there, who's like, listened to the podcast or whatever.
He's a great guy.
Shout out Josh.
They had me go to Mets games.
I still go to, I'm like friends with them now, which is, they're amazing people.
It's a rain delay?
In the first game, the first time I saw Steve Cohen again since I bombed, it's a rain delay?
Steve goes, why don't you get up on the mic and start doing comedy?
For Citi Field, who's sitting there in a rain delay, angry Mets fans that were losing there just got knocked out of the playoffs, they give me a microphone in the fucking booth, like the newscasters booth, and I'm doing now, he goes, just start doing comedy, like make the people laugh.
And now I'm bombing, but at least that one I couldn't hear, because I'm just in a newscaster's booth, just eating shit.
Nothing, but my friends, thank God I have great friends like this, my friends who are dire Mets fans at every Mets game, were recording me bombing on the outside, and they graciously gave me that.