Jan. 11, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:58:27
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hello, Joe. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Good to see you again, my friend. | ||
| I am thrilled to be here. | ||
| And now we know that you had COVID. I had COVID. And you shook it off like it was nothing. | ||
| I shook it off. | ||
| I mean, I didn't need those monoclonal... | ||
| I mean, you're a weak person, Joe. | ||
| And compared to you. | ||
| If you were like me, you wouldn't need that stuff. | ||
| I wouldn't need anything. | ||
| I was out there. | ||
| You didn't even know you had it. | ||
| I had it. | ||
| I was out there spreading it. | ||
| Unaware that I'm spreading it. | ||
| I feel so bad. | ||
| I was wearing a mask. | ||
| Most people... | ||
| I don't think that works. | ||
| Most people did that. | ||
| Most people were out there spreading it. | ||
| I mean, what did they say? | ||
| The people that don't show any symptoms, the asymptomatic folks, they were in the high 40%. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a lot of people. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But this is not like even PCR tests, right? | ||
| Because one of the things that as of December 31st, I believe it was the CDC put this regulation in place, they stopped using the standard PCR test for COVID because there's too many false positives. | ||
| People with influenza, other coronaviruses, common colds were testing positive for COVID-19. | ||
| I have so many questions. | ||
| I know it's the Joe Rogan experience, but this is going to be me interviewing you. | ||
| Do you feel a certain responsibility to... | ||
| Because just even chatting before, the... | ||
| The breadth of knowledge that you have on this, I mean, and it's shifting constantly, right? | ||
| So, like, Omicron is... | ||
| Like, for me, Omicron was kind of like a Dateline episode. | ||
| They're like, here's what we know, but now we'll go to a commercial break. | ||
| And, like, they just kept... | ||
| We still don't know, but, like, you seem to know, and you obviously interview a lot of brilliant people like me, that will give you some of this information, but, like... | ||
| Look, when I met you, you were, this was before news radio, and you had stand-up where you were, like, imitating tigers fucking. | ||
| How do you go from that to, like, you know, like, particularly on COVID? Because the information's changing. | ||
| How can you stay updated? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a strange path, right? | ||
| Well, it's not a path that I took on purpose. | ||
| That's what's weird about it. | ||
| Well, you've always had a curious mind. | ||
| All comedians do. | ||
| Yeah, I think so, for the most part. | ||
| But not just with COVID, with pretty much every discussion that I have with people about something that's fascinating to me. | ||
| I just have a very unusual memory. | ||
| And also, I have this... | ||
| I have this unique opportunity to pick people's brains and have these conversations with people where I can ask them these questions. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's invaluable. | ||
| Here's my other main question that I've been dying to know. | ||
| How do you – because in the entertainment industry or creative people, we all know that there's the drive, there's But the downfall is ego. | ||
| How have you navigated this empire where you now own three-fourths of Texas? | ||
| And how have you managed To not succumb to some Shakespearean story of where hubris... | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| How have you not self-destructed? | ||
| Where you're like, you know what? | ||
| I go on my meth bender. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You don't do any of that. | ||
| No. | ||
| I exercise really hard. | ||
| That's the big... | ||
| It sounds like bullshit, but that's really what it is. | ||
| That grounds you, though? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because the training that I do, the martial arts stuff and kettlebell stuff and the strength and conditioning work, it's so hard that everything else is easy. | ||
| And then I do ice baths and saunas, and they're so hard that everything else is easy. | ||
| And so that's where I struggle. | ||
| I struggle in those areas so that I don't have this existential angst in the rest of life. | ||
| Alright, so we strip away. | ||
| What if I stole your kettlebells? | ||
| What would Joe Rogan be like without the exercise and the Instagram close-up of a sweaty face? | ||
| I worked out today. | ||
| I didn't want to, but I did it. | ||
| What would you be like without that outlet? | ||
| You'd be filled with anxiety. | ||
| I'm not good if I just take a couple days off. | ||
| If I take a couple days off, I get weird. | ||
| You'd be fatter than me, you think? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| You're superior. | ||
| I got COVID. I didn't even notice it. | ||
|
unidentified
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You didn't even notice it. | |
| But I didn't get the original COVID. I got the Omicron. | ||
| The new version. | ||
| It's like Gallagher 2 of COVID. Right. | ||
| It's like a crypto version. | ||
| I didn't get like... | ||
| I got like one of the crypto, you know, like when you're on your Coinbase account, you're like, who's buying this shit? | ||
| You got New Coke. | ||
| Yeah, I got New Coke. | ||
| I got New Coke. | ||
| New Coke. | ||
| That didn't last, did it? | ||
| And is some of it, is it yoga? | ||
| Do you meditate? | ||
| Yeah, it's all those things. | ||
| Yeah, I do a lot of my meditating while I'm in the sauna. | ||
| I used to listen to books on tape in the sauna, but I realized it's actually beneficial to my head to just have nothing and just go in there and sit and think. | ||
| And so for 20 minutes every day, I'm just sitting and thinking in this fucking oven. | ||
| And when you go to bed in your chamber, right, in your tank, do you sleep in an oxygen tank? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| No, but I do use one sometimes. | ||
| You do? | ||
| I use a hyperbaric chamber sometimes. | ||
| Is that what LeBron does? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| A lot of athletes do. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| But when you go to bed, you're not like me falling asleep with a TV on. | ||
| There's no TV in your bedroom. | ||
| No, I don't want it. | ||
| Well, there is one, but I don't use it. | ||
| I've never even turned it on. | ||
| What is your guilty pleasure? | ||
| Food. | ||
| You put mustard on your elk meat. | ||
| Daddy likes to eat a lot of food. | ||
| You do love. | ||
| Like, those cheat meals, when I see, like, The Rock's cheat meal, it's like... | ||
| So he is not eating anything, like he's not doing bread or sugar, and then he's, like, just the amount of diarrhea he must have on those cheat days, right? | ||
| It's gotta be like, I'm not cleaning that bowl. | ||
| Have you ever met him? | ||
| I have not. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| He's a big guy. | ||
| He's like a superhero status. | ||
| When you're around him, you can't believe that's a real person. | ||
| Yeah, but is he happy? | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| He's very happy. | ||
| He seems very happy. | ||
| He's like a bazillionaire. | ||
| He's very wealthy. | ||
| But my point is, his body can take in all that food. | ||
| There's plenty of room. | ||
| There's plenty of room. | ||
| He's eating stacks of pancakes and giant cookies and ice cream. | ||
| Once he sells his liquor company, then he's going to be like, I never drank any of it. | ||
| Do you have your own liquor? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I don't have my own liquor. | ||
| I drink, though. | ||
| Yeah, but you haven't been approached to have your own tequila or vodka? | ||
| I've been approached by some companies to do stuff. | ||
| I mean, I may in the future. | ||
| What I really like is whiskey, though. | ||
| I'm a little whiskey person. | ||
| What about bourbon? | ||
| Bourbon. | ||
| You know, bourbon whiskey. | ||
| Bourbon is just a Kentucky form of it. | ||
| I like bourbon. | ||
| I think bourbon is actually an American version of it. | ||
| I like scotch, too. | ||
| But what I like is old stuff. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's like, if you want to make whiskey right, like Buffalo Trace, it's eight years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's got to sit in the barrel for eight years. | ||
| What's the most expensive whiskey that you've drank? | ||
| You're like, I can't believe I had a... | ||
| I drank some 21-year-old scotch. | ||
| It was pretty expensive. | ||
| It was really good, though. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I've had 21-year-old scotch. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| We have some 18-year-old here. | ||
| I get nervous. | ||
| Do you want a sip? | ||
| Do you want a little sip? | ||
| Sure, I'll have some. | ||
| Is it 21 years old? | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| What do we got here? | ||
| 12 or 18 or something? | ||
|
unidentified
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Hold on. | |
| I'll find out. | ||
| What Joe does is he gets his guess a little bit buzzed, and then before you know it, Before you know it, you're talking shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These are not sponsors. | ||
| Glenlivet, this is 18 years old, and this is McAllen. | ||
| This is 18-year-old. | ||
| I think McAllen for you, Gaffigan. | ||
| It seems like it goes with your heritage. | ||
| My heritage. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do you drink? | ||
| I drink occasionally. | ||
| Occasionally? | ||
| Well, this is an occasion, my friend. | ||
| I mean, it's been 25 years since I did, but... | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
|
unidentified
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Good to see you, brother. | |
| Mmm. | ||
| Like, that's smooth. | ||
| Now I gotta start over. | ||
| This is why I like this, I know, now, one day sober. | ||
| No, but like, so that's, you work out in the morning. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you'll, how many days a week will you drink alcohol? | ||
| Depends on how many podcasts I do and what kind of animals are in here. | ||
| Like, if comedians are in here, they like to drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I like to have one drink before a show, just to kind of like get loose. | ||
| How many more years do you think we have with Bert Kreischer? | ||
| I mean, I love Bert. | ||
| I love Bert. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| He is kind of like, he's a machine, but like it's like- He's a science project. | ||
| The machine has been running at full throttle for a while. | ||
| And there's sand in the gears. | ||
| No, I mean, honestly, we love Bert. | ||
| I love him to death, but Tom is his best friend, and Tom and I have had conversations where we express concern, and I'm like, I don't know what to do. | ||
| I mean, you can't, like, you know, that's one of the reasons why we did Sober October. | ||
| We had this big competition. | ||
| It was to save Bert? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| No, really? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Yeah, it was to save Bert, because we thought he couldn't take a month off. | ||
| In fact, his doctor was nervous about him taking a month off. | ||
| Because he thought there might be a shock to the system? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, alcohol and benzodiazepine are the two drugs that are the most dangerous to just quit cold turkey. | ||
| Those are two drugs where people die from. | ||
| Now there's alcoholics listening, well, Joe said, keep drinking. | ||
| Keep going! | ||
| Well, you're supposed to wean yourself off of it, and you're supposed to, like, when people detox from alcohol, they do it under medical supervision, because it's very sketchy. | ||
| It can be really dangerous for your body. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| I believe that's what killed Amy Winehouse. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I'm pretty sure she went cold turkey off alcohol. | ||
| See if that's true. | ||
| I'm pretty sure though, because she was a really bad alcoholic. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| I thought it was other stuff. | ||
| It was alcohol and other stuff? | ||
| I think it was the alcohol that killed her, if I remember correctly. | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| We'll find out shortly. | ||
| It feels like with generations. | ||
| Found dead inside her London apartment, multiple investigations have concluded that Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning. | ||
| Oh wow, so she drank too much. | ||
| With a coroner's report after her death revealing that Winehouse had a blood alcohol content of 0.416, more than five times the legal limit to drive. | ||
| Yeah, but I bet she did that all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, like, my father, you know, and that generation, they could put, I mean, my dad, they could put it away. | ||
| My dad, like, I thought this was normal. | ||
| My dad would get home from work, have a vodka, and then after dinner, he'd have a scotch. | ||
| Like, I thought that was normal. | ||
| Yeah, I thought that was normal too. | ||
| But that generation was like, boom. | ||
| Yeah, they died quick. | ||
| I mean, my first job in advertising, I was sent every Friday to a liquor store to buy bottles of booze for different VPs. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, if you work in an office in a high-stress job, alcohol is almost mandatory for those people, just to unwind, throw a couple ice cubes, and they're like, Jesus fucking Christ, what are we doing? | ||
| At the end of the day, these guys just want to do something to take the fucking edge off. | ||
| People put in their time. | ||
| They put in their time. | ||
| I mean, if you're a person who's in one of them high-stress jobs where you're working 12 hours a day every fucking day, and then you're bringing a lot of it home with you, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I mean, my God. | ||
| What a lot of people do, I mean, think about how easy our fucking job is. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| In comparison to like a real job. | ||
| It's an hour. | ||
| Oh my Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so much easier. | ||
| You know, I spent like five days, because of course all shows got reshuffled, so my October, November, and December were really intense with tour dates. | ||
| And so I was in Seattle, and I would do my shows and go back to my hotel room and just write. | ||
| And I mean... | ||
| It was, I just can't articulate how much I loved it. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It was just like, performing and writing is just so incredibly rewarding. | ||
| I know your point is like, compared to people that are like mixing cement. | ||
| I mean, it's like so easy, but it's also the level of stress and the amount of time. | ||
| Like, we don't have to be around people that much. | ||
| It's only like a couple hours a night. | ||
| It's just like, alright. | ||
| I mean, we do eat a lot of shit on the way up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That is definitely an issue. | ||
| I mean, it weeds out people that aren't absolutely determined to make it, because it's so difficult. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't make sense. | ||
| Like, I remember at one point, my brother-in-law was like, he was, I was doing spots in the city, and he was like, what do you get paid for these spots? | ||
| And this was true at the time. | ||
| I was like, $8. | ||
| And he goes, you get $8? | ||
| To work? | ||
| And I'm like, yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, but it's 15 minutes. | ||
| And he's like, wait a minute, you get $8. | ||
| Now people get compensated more for a spot in the city, but it was $8. | ||
| Yeah, and that's how it was at the store, too. | ||
| And you didn't care. | ||
| You didn't care. | ||
| Well, the goal, the ultimate goal was to get road work, like to really get a gig, like to be headlining at the weekend at an improv. | ||
| Like, oh my god, I'm really there. | ||
| It's my name on the marquee. | ||
| Holy shit, people are coming out to see me. | ||
| And that is almost, it feels unattainable to people that are just starting out, the idea that one day someone's going to come see you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was like, I remember Geraldo was like, he wanted to tour and I was like, I just want to be a writer on Letterman. | ||
| That's all I wanted. | ||
| And so like the notion of touring, I mean, look, we live in a day and age where people are putting out multiple specials. | ||
| I remember Dennis Leary did his No Cure for Cancer. | ||
| There was no expectation that he would need to do another one. | ||
| Right, well, Kinnison, he had that one HBO special that was his really good one, and he had the Ronnie Dangerfield spot that he did, and then, you know, he had a couple afterwards with their kind of fucking, he was doing coke and partying, and it really wasn't the same. | ||
| Yeah, that one special. | ||
| That one special, Sam Kinnison. | ||
| If you want to see what Sam Kinnison was like when he was really good, it's that one HBO special. | ||
| And there was, with the exception of Carlin, no one was doing the hourly thing. | ||
| He was the unusual exception. | ||
| He was so unusual. | ||
| Because he was doing a new one every year. | ||
| I always think it's so funny how Carlin is so revered. | ||
| But obviously all comedians respect him. | ||
| But during when he was around, I don't think he got enough... | ||
| Respect. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He was probably appreciated for the words you can't say on television, but he was pumping out some really serious stuff. | ||
| And I think the audience didn't really like some of the shit he was saying. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| All these rich people in the audience, he's like, we should turn all the golf courses and give them to homeless people. | ||
| People are like, wait a minute, we paid to get in here? | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he definitely had a lot of counterculture in him. | ||
| Rabble Rouser. | ||
| He has some great bits to this day about diseases that people keep reposting. | ||
| There's not a week on Twitter where he doesn't have some clip that really captures the moment. | ||
| How many specials did he have? | ||
| Let's just guess. | ||
| 15? | ||
| I think he had 20. I think he did one for every year at the peak of HBO. When HBO, to get a special on HBO, it was a standard. | ||
| And I remember I saw in an interview, maybe this is... | ||
| That, you know, he tried the sitcom thing, and it didn't work, so he stuck with Stan. | ||
| I don't know what the... | ||
| There's Carlin experts that probably could explain it a lot better than me. | ||
| Well, he had some really good interviews, and God, I wish he was alive while I was doing the podcast where I could have interviewed him and talked to him. | ||
| Maybe he was in the beginning. | ||
| What year did he die? | ||
| Um... | ||
| Everything's a blur now. | ||
| Everything was six years ago or four years ago. | ||
| I want to say he died like 11, 2011? | ||
| 2008. 2008. Wow. | ||
| So it was actually before the podcast. | ||
| But if I had the opportunity to talk to him, I would have definitely talked to him about his creative process. | ||
| But there's some pretty good interviews where he talked about that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, I remember... | ||
| I'm trying to just turn off my phone because I'm an idiot and I didn't turn it off before. | ||
| Look at all these specials. | ||
| Yeah, that's unbelievable. | ||
| So he had some gaps, right? | ||
| Like look at that. | ||
| 63 and then 67 and then 72 and then another one in 72. God, he had two in 72 and then one in 73, one in 74, 75, 77, 81, 84. So what is the total number? | ||
| So for this discography from Maine, I guess, whatever Maine means, is 20, including that 2016 one. | ||
| So the 2016 one, I kind of like it when a lot of people die, was supposed to be out on 2001 around September 11th. | ||
| But it was literally scheduled to come out right after September 11th. | ||
| And the name of it, I kind of like it when a lot of people die. | ||
| That's fucking, obviously, a bit of an issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But so many... | ||
| HBO specials. | ||
| I don't know if it's separate from that. | ||
| Oh, I always thought it was every year. | ||
| That's so interesting. | ||
| I thought it was every year. | ||
| I felt like it was, too. | ||
| First 12 specials. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So those are HBO specials. | ||
| And what are the other ones? | ||
| Are those albums? | ||
| I guess that'd be audio albums, maybe? | ||
| Because there's also television and film appearances in there. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| Where you just had up. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| So what is that? | ||
| Television. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So these are different. | ||
| Okay, and scroll down a little further. | ||
| So these are all spots on television shows. | ||
| And then scroll down a little further. | ||
| And these are the HBO specials. | ||
| And then written works and audio books. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know that he went through a period he dealt with... | ||
| I mean, you probably have interviewed Kelly Carlin, probably. | ||
| I haven't. | ||
| I've spoken there on Twitter. | ||
| I don't know her at all. | ||
| But, like, I know that he struggled with some addiction and stuff like that, but... | ||
| He had a pill issue for a while. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I was probably 93. I just started stand-up, and he went on at the original Improv on 44th Street. | ||
| And I remember he had a tape player, and he had a piece of paper where he, you know, like a cassette recorder, and he had these notes, and he had punchlines underlined. | ||
| I mean, granted, this is 30 years ago, so maybe I'm remembering some of it wrong, but I remember thinking, God, that is just, the detailing was so impressive. | ||
| And you can see it in his writing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the wordsmith is just so extensive. | ||
| Yeah, he would write out his entire special, word for word, and then he would just kind of tighten it up. | ||
| That was how he did it. | ||
| And he would write sober, and then he would punch up on marijuana. | ||
| He would smoke pot and punch it up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, that was his move. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| I saw him bomb in front of my roommates in New Hampshire in 1988, 1989. Yeah. | ||
| I think he went through a rough patch a couple of times in his career. | ||
| I think with New Material... | ||
| You know, it's like American stand-ups versus like British stand-ups. | ||
| There is, you know, there's such a necessity to kill in America. | ||
| Like you can't be bad for a moment. | ||
| That's why I was so impressed when I saw Chris Rock once at the Comedy Store just fearlessly like, what else? | ||
| What else? | ||
| And he didn't get laughs for like 10 minutes. | ||
| And he's like, okay. | ||
| And then he got off stage completely on face. | ||
| Like I would be like, it can't be. | ||
|
unidentified
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Get me heroin, something! | |
| But the whole thing of... | ||
| At Carlin, just the volume was insane. | ||
| And also, you have to risk bombing. | ||
| Yeah, he didn't work out either. | ||
| He didn't go to comedy clubs and practice. | ||
| That was actually part of one of his routine. | ||
| He had this routine called, and fuck this. | ||
| And it was like, everything was fuck this and fuck that and fuck comedy clubs. | ||
| He literally said, fuck comedy clubs. | ||
| I don't have to work out in comedy clubs. | ||
| And when I saw him in New Hampshire, he went on stage with a legal pad, a yellow legal pad. | ||
| And he had all his stuff written out and he put it down. | ||
| And my roommate was like, why is you reading his jokes? | ||
| I was like, because they're new jokes, you fuck. | ||
| And I think there is, it's weird because, do you ever have like younger kids at your shows? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't have like a 15 year old boy? | ||
| No, that's not legal. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do you mean not legal? | ||
| It actually might be legal here. | ||
| In Texas, a lot of shit is legal. | ||
| I just found out in Texas, you can bring a child to a bar, and as long as the dad is with the child or the mom is with the child, the child can have their first drink. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, at a bar, like a kid. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, in Ireland, there's kids in all the bars and stuff. | ||
| And also, when we were kids, it was like not that big of a deal. | ||
| Oh no, I went to my father's bar when I was like five years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, I can't even remember. | ||
| What's in this that you gave me? | ||
| Whiskey. | ||
| Scotch. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's good. | ||
| What we do is we just, we have these bottles of scotch and what we do is we just lace them with heroin and then comedians come in and we'll just give them just like a sip of it and they'll just freak out. | ||
| How long did you take off during this pandemic with no stand-up at all? | ||
| I did some drive-in shows. | ||
| Those are wild. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Did you do them with Burt? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| It was kind of like dry humping. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's just... | ||
| And it's like, that's a throwback from when we were teenagers, right? | ||
| It's a good way to put it, though. | ||
| But it was, yeah, I did a couple of them, and I was grateful for them, and I'm sure the audience hopefully had a good time, but it wasn't stand-up. | ||
| It's a little something to, like, remind people what it used to be like to go out and to see a show, but you're in your car, you don't have to worry about catching anything. | ||
| And so, but to answer your question, I went a good... | ||
| A year and a half? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A year and a half. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I was supposed to do one of Chappelle's weekends. | ||
| Everyone got COVID, so I couldn't do that. | ||
| And then I was in Vancouver for four months working on a movie. | ||
| So I went a year and a half, and... | ||
| I was doing these CBS Sunday commentaries for the first 22 weeks, but I didn't really write stand-up. | ||
| Because my thought was, no one's going to want to hear about this pandemic, so I'm not going to write about the pandemic outside of these CBS Sunday commentaries. | ||
| So then when I started writing... | ||
| It's like, you know, we don't have control of what comes out. | ||
| I had some of this pandemic stuff that ended up in Comedy Monster, but I didn't have an expectation of doing material on the pandemic. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I think I never have expectation about doing material on anything. | ||
| It's just like, if there's a bit I enjoy doing that seems to be working and makes sense, then I just start doing it. | ||
| But if I had no material on the pandemic, I'd be happy with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My God, I fucking talked about it so much. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm so exhausted talking about COVID. Yeah, no, I miscalculated. | ||
| I thought that it was going to be... | ||
| Similar to politics, where we consume all this politics all the time that when people get into a comedy room or a theater, they're not going to want to hear about it. | ||
| But I think that the pandemic has been so truly traumatic, not just the pandemic, the whole experience, that we're going to be digesting this for quite some time. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And there's going to be a lot of anger. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of anger at a lot of the businesses that went under. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of anger at the politicians, how they handled it, and medical professionals, and whether or not early treatment options were pursued correctly. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of anger. | ||
| But there's also a lot of opportunity for humor. | ||
| People love that escape. | ||
| They love the ability, like if you crack a good one about COVID, they have this ability to let off some steam. | ||
| You know, particularly through the pandemic, and it's just generally kind of my approach, I think, is that humans are pretty dumb. | ||
| Like, we're generally... | ||
| Not only are we dumb, we think we're smart. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| That's the worst part. | ||
| That's the saddest thing ever when a really dumb person thinks they're brilliant. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's not the saddest thing ever. | ||
| It's the saddest thing ever when a child dies, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's like everyone... | ||
| Everyone kind of looks at their parents like, those idiots. | ||
| And our kids are like, those idiots. | ||
| It's just this generation after generation. | ||
| When they were putting leeches on people, the medical community was like, we did it. | ||
| We figured it out. | ||
| We put these bloodsuckers on people, and we got it. | ||
| Anyway, let's have some drinks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Well, they would bleed you out, too. | ||
| They would not just use leeches, they would cut you and leak your blood into a bucket to try to remove toxins from your system. | ||
| It's so weird, like, the shock therapy stuff, how, like, that disappears in our lifetime, where they're like, can you believe they did shock therapies? | ||
| And now you'll read an article, they're like, you know, these things shock therapy might work. | ||
| Humans are so stupid. | ||
| Well, it might not work on everybody, but it might work on some people. | ||
| Do you remember when Ed Muskie... | ||
| No. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| William Montgomery. | ||
| William McGovern. | ||
| When William McGovern was running for president, his vice president... | ||
| It turned out in the middle of the race against Nixon that he had undergone shock therapy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And like everybody's like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| They decided that he was a kook. | ||
| And so his vice president pick fucked him. | ||
| And he really had, because Hunter S. Thompson was on his side. | ||
| He was writing about him. | ||
| He had kind of gathered up some momentum, and it looked like he had a real shot to beat Nixon. | ||
| And then once his presidential, vice presidential candidate guy turned out to be a kook. | ||
| It's the timing of everything, right? | ||
| Timing is the big issue. | ||
| That's why it's so crazy about presidential candidates. | ||
| We're talking about elections overseas, about in other countries they do it a very quick election, there's not as much It's only a six-week thing where everything's running. | ||
| Our elections essentially run for two years. | ||
| It's like from 2022 on, there'll be a two-year process of people posturing and moving their pieces into play. | ||
| And saying they're not running. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But hey, I can't say officially. | ||
| I can't say officially, but if I was going to run, I would have Attack this administration on their terrible treatment of blah blah blah, and this and that, and the border crisis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And what have they done to the infrastructure? | |
| And no one fixes shit. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| Think about all the things Biden promised before he got into office. | ||
| And there's people that are actually shocked that he didn't do everything he said he was going to do. | ||
| I can't believe this, and I voted for him. | ||
| How many fucking times does Lucy have to pull the ball from Charlie Brown before Charlie Brown realizes this is bullshit? | ||
| I would take Biden's corpse over Trump. | ||
| Well, it's not really Biden, right? | ||
| It's the cabinet. | ||
| It's the people that are running the whole administration. | ||
| That's what's going on now. | ||
| It's not Biden. | ||
| It's all the other folks that are moving things into place. | ||
| But, like, I mean... | ||
| I still look at, like, you know, along the same lines of what you just said. | ||
| So, like, Betsy DeVos. | ||
| Stephen Miller. | ||
| You'd take all those people over. | ||
| You know, even Mike Pence. | ||
| You'd take him over. | ||
| Say what you want about Kamala or Kamala or whatever. | ||
| Kamala? | ||
| You know, it's like any of those people. | ||
| And I know I'll probably get murdered by some Trumpy. | ||
| But like, it's like... | ||
| I don't think she's the best example. | ||
| I think Kamala Harris has a storied history of incarcerating people and keeping people in jail past the time they were supposed to be released to use them as cheap labor for the state of California to fight wildfires. | ||
| Mike Pence believed in like you could do therapy to get rid of gay. | ||
| Wait a minute, you don't? | ||
| What? | ||
| But what did we do earlier? | ||
| All that hugging and everything. | ||
| I thought that's what that was about. | ||
| That was, we hugged out my love for you. | ||
| That is a crazy thing to think you could pray gay away. | ||
| It's so weird to feel your butt implants. | ||
| Why would you get butt implants? | ||
| I didn't like my flat butt. | ||
| I wanted a high arc. | ||
| But that was cultural appropriation. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| There's some people from my culture that have that. | ||
| It's just I'm lazy. | ||
| I don't want to do squats. | ||
| How long do you think we got? | ||
| Do you think we got 10 years? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think we got 10 years? | ||
| I worry we have about 10 years. | ||
| And I think the decline between what happens now- I'm too old to learn Chinese. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I'm not going to learn Mandarin. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| We might have to. | ||
| My sons are learning Mandarin. | ||
| Thankfully, there's apps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they have a thing with Google. | ||
| They have these things, I think it's, is it with the Galaxy Buds? | ||
| One of the Android phones has the ability to translate in real time with sound. | ||
| So, like, say if you said something in Chinese, the phone would say it back to me in my ear in English. | ||
| But that's where, isn't that the basis of why so many wars have started is miscommunication? | ||
| Oh, well, also being led by people that pretend they have your best interests at heart. | ||
| Look, in the real world, if there was no government, why would anybody fight with the Chinese or the Serbians or the Russians? | ||
| Like, we wouldn't. | ||
| We'd have no problem with them. | ||
| They're over there. | ||
| We're over here. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| The problem is when enormous groups of people are led by a small, tight-knit group of individuals who are influenced almost entirely by money. | ||
| And so you think it's all money? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Money and natural resources. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me ask you this. | |
| Do you think that the entertainment industry is about money? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| Love? | ||
| Joy? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's about ego. | ||
| Well, that too. | ||
| I think whenever people are like, oh, the entertainment industry is about money, I'm like, really? | ||
| Because, you know, Mel Gibson did Passion of the Christ. | ||
| You could do like five of those and make a lot of money. | ||
| It's not about that. | ||
| And I think that politicians... | ||
| Here, by the way, I'm destroying my career on this episode. | ||
| But it's about status. | ||
| It's about everyone wants To be in the restaurant and be greeted with warmth, whether it's a restaurant or country club. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And every now and then, someone does something, like Mitch McConnell, he's going to go out to dinner in Kentucky, and he's going to be harassed by a Trump supporter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he's like, ugh. | ||
| Well, he gets harassed by Democrats. | ||
| Yeah, no, well, he gets... | ||
| But the thing is, is like, all these people want to be respected at their country club. | ||
| They don't care about... | ||
| The money's not the issue. | ||
| You don't think that the money is the primary motivating factor for them making movies? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| It's like they want awards, they want accolades, they want respect. | ||
| By the way, comedian to comedian, I don't even have to ask you this. | ||
| Comedians care about the respect of their peers. | ||
| That's a big factor. | ||
| And that is way more important than money. | ||
| Yeah, that's an enormous factor. | ||
| That's way more important than a credit. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| There are some people that do really well, and they don't have the respect of their peers, and they always seem to be living in hell. | ||
| Yeah, or they're chasing it. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have friends. | ||
| There's a few people I know that are comics that are fairly successful, have zero comic friends, and they are the most miserable, weird, fucking bitter, stingy people. | ||
| They're just fucked, because they're on the outside. | ||
| I call them islands. | ||
| I always refer to them, like, with other comics, like, there's certain comics that are like an island. | ||
| Like, they're not in a community, like most of us are. | ||
| Well, I think there's something about the ambition... | ||
| It's like, if ambition takes over, if you care about ambition more than community, that's a problem. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| It's a big problem. | ||
| Well, it's like, there's not many of us, Jim. | ||
| I mean, how many comics are there, really, legitimately on Earth? | ||
| Is there even a thousand? | ||
| Are there even a thousand working professional comedians that make a living and can headline clubs and theaters? | ||
| I don't even think it's a thousand. | ||
| I think it's really strange, and this is along the same lines, how people... | ||
| And the public perception is so off on this, is that what people don't realize is that comedians with completely different views on a lot of different things, stylistically, dramatically different, in the green room, they're all getting along. | ||
| Like, there is obviously some... | ||
| People that don't get along and there's people that go astray and, you know, they can become outcasts because they steal material or whatever. | ||
| But I think this notion that comedians wish ill upon each other is so false. | ||
| It's very false. | ||
| Especially good ones. | ||
| It's so weird because the reality is that comedians are these... | ||
| Weird kind of misfits in a way that when another comedian does something, even if they don't like it, they're like on the same stage. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Whereas I think in other aspects of the entertainment industry, it isn't the case. | ||
| Like I presented, I don't want to brag, but I presented at the Country Music Awards. | ||
| And what was so interesting is I know very little about country music. | ||
| But the sense of community there was sincere. | ||
| Like, it was an award show, and they opened the show with these ten stars, you know, from Brandi Carlyle to Dolly Parton to, like, you know, that's probably all the country music. | ||
| But they all... | ||
| There wasn't the hierarchy. | ||
| And what people don't realize, I think, with comedians is that, yeah, there's some hierarchy, but that disappears pretty quick. | ||
| It disappears when someone kills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If someone's a killer, they immediately get brought into the fold. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you see someone and they do a 20-minute set and they fucking murder, you're like, God, you want to grab them. | ||
| Dude, that was fucking awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Because we're happy that someone else made it through. | ||
| Again, we're talking about how many people there are. | ||
| There are working professional comedians. | ||
| How many headliners are there in the United States of America? | ||
| Real headliners. | ||
| Is there 500? | ||
| I don't even think there's 500. But I even think some of it is not necessarily even the headliners. | ||
| It's like there's different kind of... | ||
| There's different tools that people have. | ||
| That's why it's so weird. | ||
| And I love acting. | ||
| But like when I work on a movie and you get a call sheet and there's like these – and some of it is for organizational purposes. | ||
| But you literally see this hierarchy played out and you're like, oh, wow. | ||
| That's – Strange. | ||
| And whenever I work on a movie, my manager's like, don't expect actors to be comedians. | ||
| Because you work with a comedian for three days, and the status is evened out. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It doesn't matter if someone's headlining or someone's middling. | ||
| And that's not the case in the – you know, that's why I think people want awards is because – so when you go into this hierarchy, you're like, no, I can come in. | ||
| I got this nomination. | ||
| I had a conversation, a friend of mine was dating an actress, and she was talking to me about NewsRadio, the sitcom I was on, and she asked me what number I was billed on in the credits. | ||
| So what that means to everybody else at home, there's eight people in the cast, and she wanted to know when they said my name, like when the opening credits. | ||
| She was an actor, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah, 100%. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that's fascinating. | ||
| Like, that's interesting. | ||
| She goes, oh, just, you know, my agent says it's very important to get high billing. | ||
| Like, where they list you. | ||
| Like, news radio with Dave Foley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Andy Dave. | |
| Like, all that. | ||
| Like, when do they say your name? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But I almost... | ||
| Feel for her because she didn't know that. | ||
| No. | ||
| She was kind of programmed. | ||
| Well, she was young and she was trying to make it in the business. | ||
| I mean, she wasn't malicious. | ||
| She was just, this was a concern. | ||
| Like one day she wanted to be on a sitcom or a show and she wanted to have a good billing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So she just wanted to ask me what it was like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| You know when you know that comedians get along? | ||
| When we meet each other in the airport. | ||
| When you meet someone in the airport, you're like, ah! | ||
| Where you working? | ||
| Where you been? | ||
| That's the number one time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There are certain things that... | ||
| Yeah, there's... | ||
| You know, authenticity is a really important attribute. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| So when the concept... | ||
| I mean, we're talking about Carlin who essentially reinvented himself. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But, like, you know, comedians are on this journey to find their more authentic selves. | ||
| And it is... | ||
| Stand-up comedy is all self-assignment. | ||
| It's like, Comedy Monster is my ninth special. | ||
| But no one's saying, hey, can you do another special? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You decide when you do it. | ||
| It's all selfish. | ||
| It's similar to what you've created. | ||
| No one said, hey, like people like to think, oh, there's someone back there saying, hey, Joe, here's what we're going to do. | ||
| We're going to move to Austin. | ||
| You're going to open a comedy club. | ||
| You're going to do this. | ||
| There's no one doing that. | ||
| It's you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's you. | ||
| Not only that, there's a lot of people telling me don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All the people that, like, when I get this big Spotify deal, I'm like, I'm going to move to Texas. | ||
| They're like, no! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Don't fuck this up. | ||
| Like, you have something great going on in Los Angeles. | ||
| I'm like, it's going to be fun. | ||
| We've got to go. | ||
| I've got to get out of here. | ||
| I'm like, I'm going to live my life. | ||
| This is something I do during my life, but I'm going to live my life. | ||
| And my life, my instincts are, I've got to get the fuck out of Dodge. | ||
| I'm like, this city is not the same city anymore. | ||
| It's got a mask on. | ||
| It's got the old LA mask, and behind it is danger and corrupt government and a lack of accountability about the economy collapsing. | ||
| Like, see ya! | ||
| I'm getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| So they were not happy with that. | ||
| There was a lot of people that were very nervous. | ||
| The people that profit off of the show. | ||
| But I was like, I'm going. | ||
| I'm going to do what I do. | ||
| My instincts are always just to do what I do. | ||
| What do I want to do? | ||
| I want to get out of here. | ||
| So I'm going to get out of here. | ||
| I would never stay just because somebody else thought it would be a better idea. | ||
| I'm like, eh, I think we'll be fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's really interesting that no one... | ||
| Even when you're told you're funny to do stand-up, you have to... | ||
| Not only do you have to get up there yourself, but you also... | ||
| Now it just sounds like I'm patting myself on the back. | ||
| No, but it's true. | ||
| It's like you have to also... | ||
| When the crowd more or less says, I hate you, you have to still do it. | ||
| Well, they hated me, but one day, you'll see it. | ||
| It's a form of mental illness. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| If you don't have mental illness, there's no way you're going to make it. | ||
| Because you're going to have to get past the bombing. | ||
| The bombing should be enough pain to force anybody out of the business. | ||
| I always say that bombing is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother. | ||
| But I think that's not true. | ||
| Because there's got to be a guy out there who would like to suck a thousand dicks in front of his mom. | ||
| There's got to be a guy out there who'd be like, see this, mom? | ||
| 999! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This one's for you! | |
| You fucking raised me wrong! | ||
| But no one wants a bomb. | ||
| No one. | ||
| No one wants to say jokes that they hope get a laugh and then they fall flat. | ||
| And by the way, the term bomb is a gentle description of public humiliation. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It is full wholesale. | ||
| It occurs where there are people that look at you with By the way, I was on a plane next to Chris Christie and it was interesting because I was thinking about him and people were getting on the plane and people were very polite but I was like, this guy... | ||
| So many politicians, you know, and he's a fighter, but so many of these politicians, maybe they almost crave kind of like saying something that the audience doesn't like. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| So, you know, like the shock? | ||
| So comedy, some of it is surprise and shock. | ||
| But like I was sitting next to him and I'm like, he's a fighter. | ||
| Most of these politicians, do they get off on the groan that the comedian sometimes gets? | ||
| You know like when you say something and the audience is like, aww, but you did it for yourself. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| And I obviously do it to a much lesser extent than you filthy comics. | ||
| But does he, do politicians get off on that? | ||
| I think it's probably a contrarian thing. | ||
| It's probably a human nature thing. | ||
| Like people like saying things that other people don't want to hear, especially if they can be proven right. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy single-handedly made me not scared of COVID. But he survived. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm like, he survived? | ||
| I'm fucking fine. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm going to cruise right through this shit. | ||
| He also got all the good stuff, right? | ||
| Everybody should get all the good stuff, Jim. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
| Well, that's why you're running for governor of Florida. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, DeSantis is doing a great job. | ||
| I'm going to run for Arkansas. | ||
| No one else votes. | ||
| Somewhere easy. | ||
| But then you're moving to Arkansas. | ||
| That's what Bill Clinton did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, but he was from there. | |
| Barely? | ||
| Was he? | ||
| Yeah, he was raised in Hope, Arkansas. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's the place? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| No one lives there. | ||
| Huckleberry or whatever. | ||
| Huckabee's also from there. | ||
| Huckabee. | ||
| Huckabee. | ||
| Now, Huckabee, you think Huckabee... | ||
| I think he... | ||
| No. | ||
| I think he wanted to be in the entertainment industry. | ||
| Oh, yeah, probably. | ||
| That's what I was getting at. | ||
| What do you think I was going to say? | ||
| Should be president. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Wasn't he... | ||
| He was on, like, Fox or something? | ||
| Didn't he have a show for a while? | ||
| Yeah, he had a show on Fox. | ||
| Did they cancel it? | ||
| Well, he was a preacher also. | ||
| Ah, well, that's show business. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's Kinnison, you know? | ||
| And so, and Bill Hicks also, right? | ||
| No, I don't think he was a preacher. | ||
| No, but like, I think that there was, you know, he was raised in some of that Christian stuff, wasn't he? | ||
| Yeah, he was definitely raised in... | ||
| I say that like I'm not Christian. | ||
| Well, you're a Catholic, right? | ||
| I'm a Catholic, which is, you know... | ||
| Hardcore. | ||
| That's part of the Christian faith. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| What were you raised, Joe? | ||
| Catholic. | ||
| You were raised Catholic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And now you're going to hell. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm going to the dimension of elves. | ||
| So are you agnostic? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, I would say that, but it all comes with too much baggage. | ||
| I don't like the term atheist. | ||
| To me, being an atheist is... | ||
| I know it means without a god. | ||
| You don't believe in... | ||
| You're not a theist, right? | ||
| But I think it's very arrogant to pretend we have any idea what happens when we die. | ||
| Do I believe that there was a man who walked on water and died and came back to life and... | ||
| No, but I think that most of what that is, if you understand human language and you understand history, is, you know, you're dealing with stories that were thousands of years old before they were ever written down. | ||
| And they're in a lot of different cultures, too. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Well, Epic of Gilgamesh is like the oldest version of the Bible in terms of, like, the stories of Noah's Ark. | ||
| It's kind of... | ||
| It's got roots in there. | ||
| There's a lot of... | ||
| There's a lot of parallels. | ||
| It makes you think. | ||
| And I'm a firm believer that a lot of what that is is documenting cataclysmic disasters that happen to the human race. | ||
| And those have been substantiated by archaeologists and by people that are geologists that study core samples. | ||
| There's been some epic moments where most people were wiped out and they survived. | ||
| And a lot of these stories, I think, are the basis of a lot of the roots of these stories that are in the Bible and the Torah and a lot of ancient religions. | ||
| But the idea of, like, is there a God? | ||
| There very well could be something. | ||
| Very well. | ||
| And I'm not— You should have him as a guest on your show. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Why do we assume it's a he? | ||
| I don't think it has a gender, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's probably something that is the energy that creates the entire universe itself. | ||
| There's probably a thing, whatever that thing is. | ||
| And I think to try to label it and try to box it in with our pathetic language is pretty silly. | ||
| Our understanding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very interesting because obviously... | ||
| I'm not in a 12-step program, but that is a faith-based thing. | ||
| And I do think that the notion for me personally that there is something – That is – I'm not in control is really important. | ||
| So that – and that possibly there is a notion of something that can forgive me or that I should not be caught up in this twist of self-hatred is really important to me. | ||
| And so that is how you balance your ego. | ||
| And you feel like that helps you? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that all being said is that all these things I'm saying, I will forget in a day. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, in the end, I'm a dumb guy. | ||
| I mean, we're all dumb guys, right? | ||
| But, yeah, I mean, and I think that That's why it's so impressive what you've built and you have not self-destructed. | ||
| There's no indication of self-destruction. | ||
| I mean, you're not the first person. | ||
| I mean, The Rock is built in an incredible thing. | ||
| I want to see you fight The Rock. | ||
| I'm not fighting that guy. | ||
| I want you to fight him. | ||
| He's like a hundred pounds larger than me. | ||
| Can you kiss him? | ||
| I'll kiss him before I fight him. | ||
| But I do think it's fascinating because among comedians there is this self-destructive thing. | ||
| Tendency. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's not mandatory. | ||
| It's not something that's unavoidable. | ||
| You can avoid it. | ||
| The idea that it's self-destruction is inherent to whether it's rock and roll or art or comedy or even actors. | ||
| I just think it's so hard to not be. | ||
| With rock stars, my god, how many rock stars are self-destructed? | ||
| They're on that stage jamming out and everybody's screaming and they love them, and then silence, and then they're alone. | ||
| And then they want to be surrounded by people that keep feeding them that love. | ||
| And then they go to a bar and they meet Lady Gaga. | ||
| Oh, that movie? | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| I saw the first five minutes. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crazy world. | ||
| And it's also one of the things about being a comic or any entertainer that becomes very successful is there's not much of a blueprint for you to follow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And the blueprint changes. | ||
| So when people ask for advice, you're like... | ||
| You know, what worked six months ago is not going to work. | ||
| So even your relocation to Austin, to this address, which I'm going to announce, no, that doesn't apply to now. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, like I remember in stand-up starting, you know, like what I did, like when I did open mics, there was no audience. | ||
| There weren't even bringer shows really. | ||
| It was like you were performing in front of other mentally ill people. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| It would be a few audience members, like 10. You know, maybe an alcoholic who was drinking at 5pm. | ||
| And you know, like the Boston scene that you started in doesn't exist like that. | ||
| It doesn't exist like that, but I've heard it's made a comeback. | ||
| I've heard there's a good scene there. | ||
| Well, it's a new iteration of it, but... | ||
| No, it doesn't exist like it did then. | ||
| That Boston, you know, that was legendary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It was very, very unique. | ||
| It was very unique in that there were so many world-class comics that all lived in one place and would headline in these areas like every week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They make tons of money. | ||
| And do it all in coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the only place I've ever been offered to be paid in Coke. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They would go, do you want cash or Coke? | ||
| Or a little bit of both. | ||
| I'm like, just give me the money, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That was Nick's Comedy Stop. | ||
| There's some places that were, I mean, allegedly, I don't know for sure, I could never say this in court, fully run by the mob. | ||
| And, you know, they had these wild ties to organized crime, and they were running comedy clubs, and I'm sure they were moving money around and stuff. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| But it was awesome. | ||
| The people that were there, the comedians, they were so talented. | ||
| They were so good. | ||
| And they never changed their material. | ||
| Ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They didn't need to. | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't do any specials. | ||
| None of those guys did specials. | ||
| And all those guys had an hour that would fucking shake the foundation of the building. | ||
| Like Don Gavin, Steve Sweeney, and Kevin Knox. | ||
| There were so many of those guys. | ||
| Mike Donovan. | ||
| They were monsters. | ||
| They were monsters. | ||
| Kenny Rogerson. | ||
| I remember watching them going, how does the world not know about these fucking people? | ||
| They were as good if not better than anybody that was on Evening at the Improv or HBO and they never left. | ||
| They stayed in this one town and there were so many clubs they could work at that they had no desire to leave. | ||
| And they would leave. | ||
| They would go to other places and the other places people wouldn't know them. | ||
| And they wouldn't get the same reaction. | ||
| So they'd come back to Boston again. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a trap. | |
| It is a trap, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a trap. | |
| Yeah, it's a trap. | ||
| They could have been world-class everywhere, and they chose to not do that and to stay within the confines of the comfort of their playground. | ||
| Which is almost the upside-down version of you being able to go to Austin, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So you going to Austin, you're like, I can go... | ||
| Where I want, and I'm going to go here. | ||
| And the them not leaving Boston, you know, it's similar. | ||
| You know, like, look, I grew up in a small town, and there were people that, when I moved to New York, were kind of like, how'd you get that? | ||
| And I'm like, you can move there, too. | ||
| They stopped asking for a passport. | ||
| You found a ticket somewhere. | ||
| There is... | ||
| Something, you know, there's the comfort they enjoyed. | ||
| They were also, you know, partying their ass off. | ||
| But you have to, I guess you got to make yourself uncomfortable, don't you? | ||
| Oh, it's the most important thing. | ||
| It's the most important thing. | ||
| If you strive for comfort, you're fucked. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| There's, I mean, it's not bad to be comfortable occasionally. | ||
| How do you carry on the lessons that you've acquired? | ||
| How do you give those to your children? | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| That's really hard. | ||
| Is it nature or nurture? | ||
| It's both. | ||
| It's both for sure. | ||
| I mean, I have one kid, my middle kid, who is a fucking straight up psycho. | ||
| I don't have to tell her anything. | ||
| She is just so driven and so smart and disciplined. | ||
| And then I have my youngest, who is really artistic. | ||
| And was less motivated, but now she does a lot of sports and she's more motivated. | ||
| And then I have my oldest who is probably like one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. | ||
| And I'm like, you are so nice in the fact that you grew up with me. | ||
| And you've become this incredibly kind and sweet person. | ||
| So it's like You can't pick how your kids are going to turn out. | ||
| You can do your very best to influence them and to give them lessons and to teach them things, but my children grew up wealthy. | ||
| There's no way they're not going to be wealthy. | ||
| They've never had to worry about whether or not we're going to have food. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid and we were on welfare, wondering if we were going to have food. | ||
| And when you're seven years old and that's in your head, that fucks with you. | ||
| And it gives you this feeling of It's not just a lack of security. | ||
| It lights a fire into your ass to go out and do things because you realize how people used to be in the fucking pioneer days. | ||
| They had to go get food. | ||
| There was no stores. | ||
| They had to go get it. | ||
| They had to go get the food. | ||
| They had to either grow food. | ||
| And there was no air conditioning. | ||
| There was no air conditioning. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Imagine being here. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| No AC. No thanks. | ||
| In the summer. | ||
| I mean, at least we have a river. | ||
| Jump in the river. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's rough. | ||
| Not only that, they didn't have any mosquito repellent. | ||
| They didn't have shit. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| They probably had like natural things. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, what was New Orleans like? | ||
| That's probably why everybody's drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you have to get drunk, right? | ||
| The fucking diseases. | ||
| I mean, there was a malaria outbreak in America. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've had malaria outbreaks in America, and it's from standing water. | ||
| And they realized that these mosquitoes breed in standing water. | ||
| So they eradicated the standing water, and they did a bunch of different things to try to mitigate the mosquito population. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right, here, let's do a—you're going to do your prediction of what's going to happen in the next 10 years, and then I'll do my prediction, unless you want me to go first. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| With the collapse of the narrative that people are gonna be saved from COVID by vaccines They're gonna try to push them even further and there's gonna be a bunch of people buy into it because they're gonna be afraid that if they don't buy into it That they're gonna be ostracized from the good group of people and that only the bad group of people don't believe that This is the only way to go the the Possible medical treatments for COVID, | ||
| the ones, the early treatments that are important, that are being developed, and some of them that exist, will be adopted by some, and there'll be a divide between people that think you should have early treatment or people that think you should have, like, your fourth booster, which is what they're doing in Israel. | ||
| Along the way, what I'm worried about most is that they do import some sort of a vaccine passport which will evolve into a social credit system. | ||
| Similar to what China has right now. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what's terrifying about mandates. | ||
| That's what's terrifying about the direction this country's going in because they said we would never mandate vaccinations. | ||
| They said that very early on. | ||
| We would never do that. | ||
| Now they're saying we're mandating vaccines. | ||
| Now in California, you have to mandate a vaccine for children for them to go to school, which is fucking sketchy. | ||
| But there's other vaccines that kids take. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not a vaccine because you have to take it all the time. | ||
| You have to take it every year, every couple times a year, three times a year, whatever it's going to be. | ||
| It's essentially a gene therapy. | ||
| It's not like a small box vaccine or a measles vaccine. | ||
| Is there any truth to the rumor that went with the different variants as we go through the Greek alphabet that when we finish the Greek alphabet, the world dies? | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| It might be. | ||
| But this is my fear. | ||
| My fear is that the government, which is an entity... | ||
| Look, if you look at humans, right? | ||
| When human beings have power over other human beings, whether they're a boss at an office that's unchecked, that wants to fuck all the secretaries and steal all the money, or whether it's a president, or whether it's a congressperson who gets to use insider trading tactics and accumulate hundreds of millions of dollars. | ||
| That should be gone. | ||
| It should be gone, but all that stuff is in play. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they've accumulated unchecked power, and they will continue to exert this unchecked power as often and as widely as possible. | ||
| And my fear is that one of the tools that will allow them to do that is to institute some sort of a social credit system. | ||
| And people will go along with it because they think that they're doing the right thing, that they're good people, and that good people want people to be vaccinated, and the best way to do that is to have an app, and the best way to ensure that people do the best to protect those around them is to sign up for this social credit system. | ||
| And they're already buttering people up to it. | ||
| There was an article in Yahoo about how you're going to be able to have access to more credit if you agree to this social system. | ||
| If you agree to allowing them, the premise initially was allowing them to look at your browser history. | ||
| If you allow access to your browser history, I'll show you the article. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's adorable. | ||
| Access to your browser. | ||
| You can get more credit, Jim. | ||
| Maybe you want that nice house. | ||
| Maybe there's a house you like, and then there's a house you can afford. | ||
| Maybe you can afford the house you like. | ||
| Oh, it's so interesting. | ||
| It's kind of like free Wi-Fi if you give us your birthday. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So it's letting you slowly get integrated into the system, and the benefits that you get from it will allow you to take this chance, and then they're going to have their hooks in. | ||
| And this is the thing that most social psychologists that are studying this shit are terrified of. | ||
| Credit scores may soon be based on your web history. | ||
| Is that a good thing? | ||
| It's a good thing. | ||
| Experts predict in the not too distant future, your internet habits could affect your credit score and help lenders determine what they offer you. | ||
| We will let you in on what we know so far about how your online activity could be used to determine how much credit you can get and what interest rate. | ||
| This is the beginning of this shit. | ||
| Once they develop a social credit system and say, Jim, you've been paying your taxes late. | ||
| You're not going to be able to go to the movies on Friday. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| Oh, it's like China. | ||
| You can't get on that train. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That kind of shit is how they divide society. | ||
| And that is 100% on the table for the United States of America if we don't watch. | ||
| If we don't pay attention and if we allow these politicians to have this unchecked use of power It absolutely could be our future, and it will be dystopian at best. | ||
| If that's what happens, if they have that kind of unchecked power— And you think that—is this more likely to occur among the Democrats or the Republicans, or in either? | ||
| I think it's probably either. | ||
| I think our idea of what people are capable of is based entirely on the allegiance we have to our tribe and whether or not we think we're the good guys or the bad guys. | ||
| I think if you look at the way the far left behaves with Antifa lighting fucking buildings on fire and throwing rocks at cops and all that crazy shit, their behavior is just as crazy as people that are on the far right. | ||
| Do you feel like you... | ||
| You don't feel like the... | ||
| So you think that Antifa is as big enough of a problem as the insurrectionists and stuff like that? | ||
| It completely depends on where you live. | ||
| It completely depends on how much power they have. | ||
| I think if the insurrectionists got to a point where they were supported, like those morons that went to the Capitol on January 6th, If they got to the point where they were protected and supported by politicians and they were- If they were described as patriots. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And not only that, if they were exonerated of all their vandalism- Responsibility. | ||
| All the things that Antifa's done. | ||
| Exonerated of their vandalism, said that their protests were mostly peaceful. | ||
| If they use that kind of rhetoric and they built them up, I think they're all equally dangerous. | ||
| I think it's a human nature issue. | ||
| More than it is an ideological issue. | ||
| I don't think there's a good ideology and a bad ideology when it comes to the opposition of power. | ||
| I think there are tactics and strategies that people will use, and they will use them if they think they're doing it for social justice, if they have fucking blue hair in a Molotov cocktail, or if they think they're doing it because they're patriotic because they have an American flag bandana in a fucking Molotov cocktail. | ||
| I think they're the same people. | ||
| I think they're the same people, and if you got that guy, With the fucking Buffalo helmet on, who sat in Nancy Pelosi's chair, if you got that dipshit and you moved into Portland and he grew up there and he thought that he was gonna, you know, take down the Capitol building and throw a fucking hand grenade at Ted Wheeler, who's the mayor of Portland, he would have done that. | ||
| He would have done that. | ||
| Instead of attack the Capitol, instead of being this QAnon dummy, he would have been an Antifa dummy. | ||
| I don't think they're any different. | ||
| I think they adopt this ideology, they fit in, they get meaning in that, they find themselves... | ||
| It's their religion. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's very tribal, and it's very much in line with human behavior characteristics that have existed from the beginning of time. | ||
| And we know that these people are receiving tons of... | ||
| You know, information through social media and stuff like that, that is... | ||
| Like, a lot of these Trump supporters, they're sincere. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Did you see Into the Storm? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| The QAnon documentary on HBO? Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| That's why I'm surprised that your prediction... | ||
| And I, you know, when you talk about, like, the social credit score, but, like, I look at it this way. | ||
| And some of it is... | ||
| I'm a comedian, alright? | ||
| So, I am not... | ||
| But, um... | ||
| So two years, you know, here we are in 22. It's going to be a—the Democrats are going to lose the House. | ||
| They're going to lose the Senate. | ||
| They're going to lose a lot of—they're going to impeach Biden on, you know, some kind of Benghazi kind of thing. | ||
| And it's this powder keg that's getting worse and worse. | ||
| And then, you know, the voting rights, people are going to be, I would think people would be like kind of pissed in these, you know, these communities where there's, you know, African Americans have one place to vote and it's 20 miles away when I know that I can walk in and I don't even have to set aside a half an hour. | ||
| I think people are going to be kind of pissed. | ||
| I think there's going to be more violence. | ||
| I think it's probably not going to be good. | ||
| Is that a gigantic issue where so many African Americans live in a place where there's no place to vote in person? | ||
| It seems like voting rights... | ||
| Is that like a rural thing? | ||
| Are you talking about rural populations? | ||
| I think it's like there's certain communities where the access to voting has been limited in numerous states. | ||
| We know that, right? | ||
| Well, there's definitely shenanigans on both sides when it comes to voting. | ||
| Because from the beginning, like, if you said to anybody, like, do you think there's ever been an election where there's zero voting fraud? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Not a single one. | ||
| I'm not talking about Kennedy winning Chicago. | ||
| But that's the beginning of it all. | ||
| But that was 1960. Right. | ||
| But do you know that the Democrats accused Bush of stealing the election, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| On more than one occasion. | ||
| And it's like, this is a thing that people have always... | ||
| But there's people that think that... | ||
| Essentially, the Republicans had better lawyers. | ||
| That's how W won that. | ||
| Yes, there are people that think that. | ||
| And then with John Kerry in particular, that was another one, right? | ||
| With Al Gore, that was another one. | ||
| But there wasn't the storming of the Capitol when Trump won. | ||
| Well, I think that's entirely a creation of social media and the ability to gather up people and do something really fucking stupid like that. | ||
| And then on top of that, agent provocateurs. | ||
| Agent provocateurs. | ||
| Did you ever see those guys? | ||
| Didn't Trump do a tweet like it's going to be wild? | ||
| Oh, listen, he is 100% a part of why they did that. | ||
| 100% because of his influence and because you said you have to be strong and you have to do that. | ||
| He was compounding upon some other things that were happening. | ||
| But I also think there was, without a doubt, agent provocateurs from the federal government that encouraged people to go into the federal building, into the Capitol building. | ||
| But why? | ||
| You know, they have them on video. | ||
| Because they want to arrest people. | ||
| They want to catch people doing stuff like that. | ||
| And they also want to be able to have more authoritarian control. | ||
| Have you watched that? | ||
| That's wild shit. | ||
| But you're telling me that... | ||
| And again, it's like, you know, it's so interesting on social media. | ||
| People are like, you can't call them this. | ||
| I'm like, look, I'm not- What are they saying you can't call them? | ||
| Insurrectionists. | ||
| What are they? | ||
| If you're storming into the Capitol building with zip ties, these guys had zip ties. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What are they? | ||
| Like a fucking huge bundle of them. | ||
| Well, what they're saying is that they would describe them as protesters. | ||
| Some of them, I think, were protesters who got caught up. | ||
| And you know there were some grandmas and grandpas that were like, we like Trump. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| But there was also some people that were probably legit terrorists. | ||
| I think that guy who was with the fucking zip ties, if that guy found Nancy Pelosi and zip tied her and carried her off or maybe even executed her, I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility with some of these fucking people. | ||
| Oh, I totally agree with you. | ||
| The thing that I find so amazing is that the fact that, and sadly, there was five people that died, but the fact that none of the government officials were killed is like a fluke. | ||
| Very lucky. | ||
| Very lucky. | ||
| If they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, they didn't anticipate that. | ||
| And they thought that, you know, they would be held off so they stayed in the Capitol building and they weren't rushed off into some fucking underground bunker or wherever they put those people. | ||
| And the wrong people got to them. | ||
| It's about the wrong people, right? | ||
| It's like, I think that a lot of them were dorks. | ||
| I don't think the guy with the Buffalo helmet, you see when he was walking around the Senate? | ||
| He's mentally up. | ||
| He's got a problem, and he's not that smart. | ||
| He thought he was like being a patriot. | ||
| I think there's a lot of them like that. | ||
| And why were they? | ||
| But the guy with the zip ties? | ||
| When I saw that, I showed that to someone. | ||
| I was like, this motherfucker has zip ties. | ||
| Why do you think he has zip ties? | ||
| That's to restrain someone. | ||
| That's because he thinks he's going to play cop, or good guy, or patriot, or executioner. | ||
| He's going to zip tie someone's hands. | ||
| They were calling for Mike Pence. | ||
| They were saying you're a fucking traitor and you were going to come for you. | ||
| I can't begin to contemplate the mindset of Mike Pence over the past five years. | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| Well, he was a radio guy, right? | ||
| Well, he was also—I think he sincerely loves his wife. | ||
| I think he's sincere in his Christian faith. | ||
| But, like, I think, like—look, all politicians are politicians. | ||
| But, like, the level of decay—and, by the way, this is following up two stand-up comedians talking about the amount of shit that we've eaten— The amount of humiliation that we've consumed. | ||
| But there is a point where you're like, really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| And by the way, Mike Pence did the right thing in kind of- Well, he did the right thing in that he didn't try to reverse the vote. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because there was some sort of weird loophole in that, in the law. | ||
| That was being discussed as to whether or not Mike Pence can change- Throw out things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Which is fucking insane. | ||
| It's absolutely insane. | ||
| Imagine if Trump had a Vice Trump. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what he's going to have. | ||
| Well, who the fuck would that be? | ||
| And by the way, that's part of my prediction is- Oh. | ||
| So then when Trump runs against Biden, they're both impeached. | ||
| I don't think Biden's gonna run a second time. | ||
| I think it's gonna be Pete Buttigieg and it might not even be Kamala Harris. | ||
| She might bail because she's so unliked, she might become a hazard for the Democratic Party. | ||
| If you look at her, the voter confidence. | ||
| It is weird how it shifts in a matter of three months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I mean, Biden was pronounced dead numerous times, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so was McCain before him. | ||
| But the Democratic Party was so firmly behind Biden that even though he was pronounced dead, like no one's going to vote for him. | ||
| It's like what they wanted was the Democrat Party in place. | ||
| They wanted to get Trump out and have the Democrats in place and restore what they felt like was order. | ||
| And so he was the best representative of that, and he's the guy who's going to play ball the most. | ||
| But I think, I mean, look, I've said this before and I'll say it again. | ||
| I think if Michelle Obama ran, she would win. | ||
| I know, but he's... | ||
| Why would she do it? | ||
| Yeah, why would she, right? | ||
| She was already the first lady. | ||
| She did eight years as the first lady. | ||
| She experienced enough fucking chaos and stress. | ||
| They made it out. | ||
| But who knows, man? | ||
| She might feel like she has a duty to the country. | ||
| She might feel like, because she could fucking win for sure. | ||
| I really firmly believe she wins. | ||
| Well, I think we also know that the Democrats have to build that Obama coalition, which is motivating African Americans. | ||
| So she could definitely do that. | ||
| Well, it's also we want a female president, right? | ||
| And to have a female president that is the wife of the greatest president of our lifetime. | ||
| And brilliant lady, charming, so easy to like, and she's given speeches before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You trust her judgment. | |
| You trust her judgment. | ||
| Well, it's what we need. | ||
| As a president, what we have always needed was someone who represents the very best of us. | ||
| And I think we got that with Obama. | ||
| You could say we got that with Clinton before he got his dick sucked. | ||
| You could say before he got in trouble with certain things. | ||
| But we want someone who seems better than us. | ||
| We want someone who is, when they represent the United States of America, they represent as good as what we have to offer. | ||
| That was Obama. | ||
| Obama was this brilliant lawyer. | ||
| He was so smooth, and he was so measured, and the way he would talk about things was so statesman-like, that that I mean, look, all of them people are going to have policy issues with. | ||
| All of them people are going to have issues with what we do overseas or what happens with the economy. | ||
| There's going to be disputes left and right about everything the president does. | ||
| No president is universally loved. | ||
| But... | ||
| What you can't deny is what Obama represented was about as good as America has to offer in terms of intelligence and poise and control of himself and the way he dignified the office. | ||
| He was a great statesman. | ||
| So interesting, because I totally agree, but I think that that's what you and I think. | ||
| I think that the reason Trump He came to power is probably because there were a lot of people that didn't feel that way about Obama. | ||
| Well, I don't know that. | ||
| I don't know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think if Obama had another – if they said, we're going to change the rules, you can run for a third term, he would win. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He would beat Trump. | ||
| I think Hillary Clinton is very unlikable. | ||
| I think that was part of the problem. | ||
| The part of the problem was he was running against – and he barely beat Hillary. | ||
| He lost in the popular vote. | ||
| But Hillary Clinton was just very unlikable. | ||
| Like the basket of deplorables, like saying something like that. | ||
| You're literally talking about half the country. | ||
| Like the way they would make these errors in communication based on the way they felt they were being attacked by the Assad. | ||
| Instead of trying to reach out In trying to unite everybody. | ||
| She would alienate them and try to solidify her base. | ||
| But it just makes you look petty. | ||
| And it makes everybody not... | ||
| They think of you as what he's characterizing. | ||
| Lion Hillary. | ||
| They think of you as this part of the machine. | ||
| Part of the establishment. | ||
| Do you think that Hillary was... | ||
| A victim of her exposure for decades? | ||
| Because we know she's smart. | ||
| That's a good point, right? | ||
| We know she's very smart. | ||
| By the way, when she moved to New York, and I lived in New York, and she ran for Senator, I was like, no way! | ||
| It's not going to happen! | ||
| And she won over New Yorkers. | ||
| And I'm not talking about just the city. | ||
| She won over upstate New Yorkers. | ||
| And so, like, I do think that She had been around for a couple decades and... | ||
| We're tired of her. | ||
| And she was Bill's wife. | ||
| And then there was also talk that she had intimidated women who had come forth with accusations about Bill. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| But I think that if she... | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, there's... | ||
| If she wasn't attached to Bill, she probably would have won. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But she almost won anyway. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| I think it's amazing that she lost. | ||
| I think that it's one of those things where... | ||
| And by the way, she lost college-educated white women. | ||
| What? | ||
| They didn't trust her. | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that don't trust someone who they think is a politician, and they're more willing to trust someone who is a fucking talk show host. | ||
| A guy who is a host of The Apprentice. | ||
| So why doesn't The Rock run? | ||
| Oh, he would win. | ||
| He would win. | ||
| Oh, we're that dumb. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| We're that dumb. | ||
| Yeah, he would win. | ||
| So why doesn't McConaughey run for governor of Texas? | ||
| He doesn't want to. | ||
| I think that's very smart on his part. | ||
| I think he feels like he can do more good just kind of talking to people. | ||
| And he is obviously a very intelligent guy and he's got a very interesting perspective and philosophy on life. | ||
| I enjoy talking to him. | ||
| Have you ever talked to him? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a very smart guy. | ||
| But that's him not falling victim to his ego. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm not going to fall into this trap. | ||
| He's smart enough to navigate this. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| I really genuinely think that. | ||
| I don't know him well, but from what I know from talking to him, I really think he's sincere, and I think he's really intelligent, and he has a very clear philosophy. | ||
| That he follows. | ||
| And he's very ethical and moral in the way he thinks about things. | ||
| And he thinks about doing the right thing. | ||
| And I think he thought maybe that would be a good framework to be a governor. | ||
| And then he stopped, I guess, and he just... | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| What the fuck am I doing? | ||
| I'm going to make a movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to go make Interstellar 3. And do you think that... | ||
| So, we are animals. | ||
| We're absolutely animals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, clearly. | |
| But we're something new. | ||
| But, like, the power of... | ||
| You know, you're talking about McConaughey. | ||
| He's an attractive man, right? | ||
| Is that to his benefit? | ||
| Like, so, the reason I bring... | ||
| Michelle Obama, I think she's attractive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that the price of entry for some of this? | ||
| Like, do we give these beautiful people a pass because we like to look at them? | ||
| I think Hillary... | ||
| Hillary's attractive. | ||
| I mean, she was. | ||
| I mean, she is. | ||
| How much did you have to drink? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| What's unattractive about her? | ||
| Are you trying to fuck Hillary Clinton? | ||
| You had one drink. | ||
| What's unattractive about Hillary Clinton? | ||
| The body count? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, you know... | ||
| So, Kamala Harris is attractive. | ||
| Physically? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when she laughs at everything that's not funny, it's like a shitty comic. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I tried to do a joke, not about her, about how like... | ||
| About how there's nothing more rewarding than a laugh and nothing more uncomfortable than a laugh. | ||
| Than a fake laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's odd. | ||
| But like attraction, being attractive is pretty important, right? | ||
| Well, it certainly helped JFK. I think it helped Bill Clinton when he was in his prime. | ||
| It helped Obama. | ||
| Didn't help Trump. | ||
| Trump's not an attractive guy. | ||
| I mean, I find him very sexy. | ||
| Somebody must. | ||
| I think his success makes him more attractive because he's got this bigger-than-life personality. | ||
| Yeah, but I think that, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| He's got to be attractive to some people. | ||
| Somebody. | ||
| It's more his attitude than anything. | ||
| And, you know, when the guy gives those speeches and he makes fun of things and he gets big laughs, like, he's kind of being a comic. | ||
| He's got good timing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, no. | ||
| There is something that I would not deny his entertainment value. | ||
| You went on, like, a liquored up Twitter rant about him. | ||
| I was not liquored up. | ||
| I would like to think you were liquored up. | ||
| I wasn't. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Look, I've talked about this. | ||
| I tried to... | ||
| But I was on the lockdown and... | ||
| I was just witnessing the Republican convention. | ||
| Look, all politicians lie. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| But there was a certain amount of... | ||
| I felt like it was... | ||
| His lies were working. | ||
| There's part of me that's like... | ||
| The Trump thing, it's like, even when Bill Clinton was talking, we all knew he was bullshitting, but it's okay. | ||
| And W, he was like, hey, doing this, doing that. | ||
| It's like, we know. | ||
| We know what's going on here. | ||
| But with Trump, there's just this allegiance. | ||
| That I was – and I was sitting with my five kids and – not sitting next to them. | ||
| But I was like, you know what? | ||
| This is not going to go well. | ||
| And I want them to know where I stand on these things. | ||
| And so – and some of it is I did treat myself because I do believe that – You know, I don't think that a comedian—I had a tweet where I was like, if you think that—if you're letting an entertainer tell you who to vote for, you shouldn't vote. | ||
| And I do believe that. | ||
| But, like, I think that there's a lot of people, particularly during the Republican convention, there were all these, like—they brought out a nun— To say that Biden's not Catholic? | ||
| They had Lou Holtz, you know, say he's not Catholic. | ||
| Look, I'm not a good Catholic. | ||
| I'm not presenting, but I'm like, come on! | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You can sit there and debate some of this stuff about what a Catholic politician – but like compared to Trump? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| That's what was just like, look, let's just draw this in – let me just tweet about this. | ||
| And here's what's interesting. | ||
| So – I was kind of, and I told my manager, I'm like, you know what, I don't regret it. | ||
| And I might have lost all these people. | ||
| And he's like, haha, you know, he didn't care either, really. | ||
| But then I went touring. | ||
| Not real change in numbers. | ||
| No change. | ||
| Did you really think you lost people for that? | ||
| Oh, I was convinced. | ||
| I lost, you know, these virtual corporate events. | ||
| I lost a couple things, you know, and I was like, I didn't regret it. | ||
| I mean, look, my kids are gonna... | ||
| You know, be fed. | ||
| This is a bunch of posturing after the fact. | ||
| But once the dust settles, you have so many fans. | ||
| Like, I don't think that's a real concern. | ||
| And I think also people... | ||
| Again, it's authenticity. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| They know that it's really you. | ||
| This is not, like, engineered. | ||
| There's not a writer in the room with you that's working out these tweets. | ||
| It's like, there's not... | ||
| It's just a level of... | ||
| But I will say that I think this is interesting. | ||
| I was on some show. | ||
| I won't specify because I don't want to out this person. | ||
| And I was making fun of him. | ||
| I'm like, I know you're a big QAnon supporter and all this stuff. | ||
| And we were joking around about it. | ||
| And afterwards, he goes, I have to cut all that out. | ||
| And I go, why? | ||
| And he goes, because I have 24-hour security. | ||
| And I go, what do you mean you have 24-hour? | ||
| He goes, my children have security. | ||
| I have security. | ||
| This is someone in the entertainment industry that is dealing with death threats on a daily basis. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| And so, like, I was like, and this is, the guy's not making it up. | ||
| And so, like, I mean, you probably have security, right? | ||
| You met him. | ||
| Yeah, but like I think this guy's his family has it and I'm like like he's a former president or something. | ||
| And is it because of his controversial stand on certain things? | ||
| He's a funny person. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| He's not... | ||
| Did he go against Trump supporters? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| You don't have to say. | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| I can't wait till this podcast be over. | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| I'll tweet it immediately. | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| But it was one of those things where that wouldn't happen. | ||
| By the way, I've gotten... | ||
| You know, definitely got some death threats from that Twitter. | ||
| By the way, how it was described as a rant, you know what? | ||
| The thing that only bothered me is that I think people, when it was characterized as I was... | ||
| I'm criticizing Trump supporters because I, you know, like that whole like you talked about deplorables and all that. | ||
| It's like I do think that like that he is a problem, but I don't think that like, you know, I know people that like Trump. | ||
| It's like, and it saddens me, but it doesn't mean that I don't think they're a good person. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| It does make sense, yeah. | ||
| I think people like what he stands for, that he stands for someone who stands up against career politicians, like the ones we were talking about earlier that are, you know, using insider trading tactics to enrich themselves while they're in office. | ||
| And there's a lot of that. | ||
| And those people are responsible for a lot of the policies that are very detrimental to the average working person. | ||
| And I, you know, I think some people thought he was a solution to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And because of the fact that he wasn't a career politician and because of the fact that he talked off the cuff and he said wild shit, that that would somehow... | ||
| And he pissed off people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, he doesn't piss me off. | ||
| He concerns me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And it's... | ||
| Remember that Stephen King movie? | ||
| What was that movie where there was a guy, it was Christopher Walken, he could see the future, and he saw... | ||
| There was a guy who was running for president. | ||
| The Dead Zone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| The Dead Zone. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what everyone's terrified of. | ||
| Ego that leads to nuclear war, nuclear catastrophe. | ||
| Someone who is in the helm of, I mean, you're the commander-in-chief of the greatest army the world's ever known. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you won a popularity contest to get there. | ||
| It's kind of wild. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's so insane. | ||
| But what's the alternative? | ||
| Does that concern you? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything concerns me. | |
| Does it concern you that who would you like to be the next president besides Michelle Obama? | ||
| Tulsi Gabbard. | ||
| And you'd be fine with DeSantis? | ||
| I think what he has done to allow people to continue their lives while trying to protect the elderly in Florida, although controversial and although easily criticized, I think it's admirable because it's a difficult path. | ||
| Because initially when he decided to do that early on in the pandemic, people said he was out of his fucking mind and they expected there to be a body count in Florida that was off the charts ten times more than anywhere else. | ||
| I mean, they're gonna let restaurants open and bars open. | ||
| You could do concerts there. | ||
| We did a UFC there. | ||
| We actually did, I believe we did it with no audience in April of 2020. So it was very early on, right? | ||
| It didn't turn out that way. | ||
| When you look at it, it turns out he was right. | ||
| It turns out the economy didn't collapse in Florida the way it collapsed in many other places. | ||
| It turns out, especially when you adjust it for age, the amount of people that died in Florida was less than it was in California. | ||
| Age adjusted. | ||
| When you look at the amount of cases, they're comparable to any other high population density area. | ||
| Like, you have immense populations of people that have COVID in New York. | ||
| A lot of people have COVID in California. | ||
| It's a respiratory disease. | ||
| It's gonna fuckin' spread. | ||
| What's important is early treatment. | ||
| What's important is educating people about the value of being healthy. | ||
| Taking care of yourself, and then, you know, if they're saying they're running out of hospital beds, increase the fucking hospital beds. | ||
| Like, that's what people should have concentrated on. | ||
| Make more access to medicine and health. | ||
| And don't fire healthcare workers because they don't want to get vaccinated when they've already had COVID and beaten it, and they have the antibodies. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| That's why you have to watch my specials, because, like... | ||
| First of all, it's great. | ||
| No, but is that I kind of touch on like they didn't – and comorbidities has many different things. | ||
| But they really didn't want to say all you fat asses are going to die. | ||
| They didn't, they couldn't, and I talk about it, they didn't have, you know, they didn't want Sanjay Gupta to be like, well, Anderson, all the fat asses are going to die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But because we're kind of in this, obviously comorbidities means- Meanwhile, you had COVID and you didn't even know it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Because I'm so strong. | ||
| You know, a lot of this fat is muscle. | ||
| It's- I lost all this weight during the lockdown. | ||
| And then I, you know, gained it back in maybe a half an hour. | ||
| How much weight did you lose in the lockdown? | ||
| I lost probably 25 pounds. | ||
| You know, because I texted with you and you're like, cut out bread, cut out sugar. | ||
| And I did. | ||
| Was it hard to do? | ||
| It wasn't that bad. | ||
| It wasn't that bad. | ||
| Now I'm kind of like trying to make up for it, I guess. | ||
| No, but I definitely felt a lot better. | ||
| It's like you cut out sugar and you cut out bread and it's like your knees bend. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's inflammation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Like, one of the things that happens to me when I, if I go on a bender, and I'll eat, like, a lot of pasta, which is my thing, that's where I gorge. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Pasta is so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| And I'll eat, like, multiple servings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if it's for three or four people, I'll eat that, all that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's a restaurant in Philadelphia I need you to go to. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's on my Instagram. | ||
| He has Feralina. | ||
| If you're a pasta guy, I'm not kidding. | ||
| It's my kryptonite. | ||
| It'll change your life. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| It'll change your life. | ||
| That's my kryptonite. | ||
| But then the next day you won't be able to walk. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| My knees hurt the next day. | ||
| When I eat a lot of pasta, like my fucking knees will hurt. | ||
| My lower back will hurt. | ||
| And it's inflammation. | ||
| I talked to my doctor about it. | ||
| He goes, that is inflammation causing food. | ||
| And that's what that means. | ||
| It's like literally causes inflammation in your joints, inflammation in your body. | ||
| And it's the source of a lot of diseases and a lot of the illnesses that people have. | ||
| It's because of inflammation. | ||
| Did previous generations deal with this inflammation too? | ||
| Don't. | ||
| First of all, processed sugar really has not been a thing in the human race until the beginning of the 19th century, I think. | ||
| When they started eating sugary candies and stuff? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, I remember that was a big thing with the British. | ||
| They brought sugar back and everyone's teeth fell out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then the wheat that we have has more complex glutens in it. | ||
| They've manipulated the wheat for higher yield per acre. | ||
| So you're getting this like dense wheat. | ||
| If you're eating glue, you're basically... | ||
| Remember when you used to make paste when you were a kid? | ||
| You're like shoveling that in your face. | ||
| I mean, it's delicious, amazing paste. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what you're eating. | ||
| You're eating like a fucking wad of dough. | ||
| And it sits in the bottom of your stomach when it mixes with wine and food. | ||
| How does Tom Papa make all that bread and still be kind of thin? | ||
| Well, here's an interesting thing. | ||
| Tom Papa's bread is made with a starter, and it is a sourdough starter, and sourdough bread, in general, has less gluten than regular bread. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because that is the best bread you can have. | ||
| It's organic. | ||
| He makes it himself. | ||
| You know the source. | ||
| He literally has this old starter. | ||
| I think it's from the 1930s, the actual yeast starter. | ||
| I don't exactly understand how he does it. | ||
| He's explaining to me, I forgot. | ||
| You've had his bread. | ||
| I haven't had his bread. | ||
| Well, I live in New York. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He should freeze some and send it to you. | ||
| It's fucking sensational. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you come to L.A., you must go and have his bread. | ||
| I have fantasies about bread. | ||
| With grass-fed, grass-finished butter, which is like a dark yellow, like a yellowy butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Looks like urine. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You spread that all over that bread. | ||
| It's such good bread. | ||
| Tom Papa and I have an exchange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I give him a little meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You give him the meat. | |
| If you use me some bread, we're good to go. | ||
| He gives me bread, I give him AIDS. Jim, that's not funny. | ||
| No, it's funny though. | ||
| It's funny now. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| In 510 BC, the Emperor Darius of Persia invaded India where he found... | ||
| That's Darius Rucker, who was in... | ||
| Who do you boat fish? | ||
| Nice guy, by the way. | ||
| The reed which gives honey without bees. | ||
| The secret of cane sugar was kept a closely guarded secret whilst the finished product was exported. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So that's when they first figured out sugar cane? | ||
| Yeah, and then all the way back then until 1747, it says, until sugar beet was a new source of sugar. | ||
| And that's when Britain... | ||
| Okay, and then Britain blockaded sugar imports to continental Europe. | ||
| By 1880, sugar beet had replaced sugar cane as the main source of sugar in continental Europe. | ||
| But it still wasn't like corn syrup, like where it was prevalent. | ||
| Yeah, another thing said 1770 in Britain is when they started eating like five times the amount of sugar they'd eaten in like the previous 1710. Ah, so that's when it started. | ||
| So it was the 18th century. | ||
| What about how like... | ||
| I know you read this book. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Look at that statistic. | ||
| During the 18th century, sugar became enormously popular. | ||
| Great Britain, for example, consumed five times as much sugar in 1770 as in 1710. Wow. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| That's probably, yeah, when their teeth started falling out and also started getting fat. | ||
| You know, I did this movie for Peter Pan where I played a pirate and I did all this research on pirates. | ||
| Do you know that the British Navy... | ||
| It essentially was assembled by – it was a success of pirates that was instrumental because they had this war with the Spanish and they were like – there were these pirates and they're like, hey, you can free reign if you attack the Spanish. | ||
| And so they essentially – it was – It was essentially a bunch of criminals. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then they absorbed some of the pirates. | ||
| They're like, all right, now you can be the general and you can go back to England and they gave part of Jamaica to another pirate. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| The British Navy, this great military power, was essentially like, you know, criminals. | ||
| It kind of makes sense, though, if you think about all these different civilizations throughout history that were run by tyrants and evil warmongers. | ||
| Like, how about the Mongols? | ||
| I was just listening today to this person who was talking about – and this is kind of funny because Dan Carlin's actually kind of joked about people saying these things before. | ||
| Dan Carr was the host of Hardcore History. | ||
| It's an amazing podcast. | ||
| What this guy was talking about was how the Mongol Empire, it paved the way to a lot of great things with trading, with Asia, and all these different things. | ||
| And he sort of was... | ||
| Waxing poetically about the impact of a group of people in the Mongols run by Genghis Khan that killed between 50 and 70 million people in his lifetime. | ||
| He killed somewhere around 10% of the population of Earth. | ||
| So much so, he reduced the carbon footprint on planet Earth. | ||
| Because there's less people. | ||
| Well, did you ever hear about, maybe I listened to it on his thing, where he would, they would eat meals on top of people? | ||
| They would stack people below their deck, and so they would crush them to death while they're eating meals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| And he could hear them groan. | ||
| Vlad Tepes, who is the inspiration for Dracula, for Bram Stoker's Dracula, he would put his enemies on stakes in front of him. | ||
| So he would plant a stake in the ground and have a sharp point and impale them. | ||
| And so they would wither around while he was eating. | ||
| So he'd be eating lunch in front of them. | ||
| And isn't Genghis Khan like a percentage of all Asians that are related to him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's find out what that percentage is. | ||
| It's like a pretty severe amount. | ||
| He did a lot of fucking. | ||
| Well, you could say he did a lot of raping, because that would be more accurate. | ||
| Yeah, and I think he also took over the army when he was like 14. It's like insane. | ||
| He was quite young when he killed his first people. | ||
| Since 2003, a study found evidence that Genghis Khan's DNA is present in about 16 million men alive today. | ||
| I thought it was more than that. | ||
| The Mongolian ruler's genetic prowess has stood as an unparalleled accomplishment. | ||
| Oh, one in 200 men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
10%. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| In quantitative terms, 10% of the men who reside within the borders of the Mongol Empire as it was at the death of Genghis Khan may carry his DNA. Yeah. | ||
| So that is, I think that's Asia. | ||
| I think that's into Europe. | ||
| One in 200 men are, scroll back up, one in 200 men are direct descendants of Genghis Khan. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| And if he was here right now, he'd be like, it's pronounced Jengis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jengis, yeah. | ||
| Well, his name was Temujin. | ||
| That was his real name. | ||
| And so he was... | ||
| And so, like, I had a joke about this in Pale Taurus. | ||
| It's like, those Mongols were, like, killing it. | ||
| And now they're like, you know what, we'll just open some buffets. | ||
| Like, they... | ||
| How do you like fall off the horse like that? | ||
| So China and India are probably going to take over, right? | ||
| Most likely China. | ||
| China seems to have a very unique situation where their government and their businesses are inexorably intertwined. | ||
| They're not like any other place on earth. | ||
| Whereas the government and the business don't do anything without the government's supervision. | ||
| And when the businesses step out of line, they vanish people. | ||
| They take billionaires and they lock them in dungeons and who knows what the fuck they do to them. | ||
| But when people get mouthy, they talk shit, they vanish them. | ||
| Whether they're a billionaire or a famous actor or an athlete. | ||
| Tennis player. | ||
| Yeah, or a Uyghur Muslim. | ||
| I mean, whatever they do. | ||
| That tennis player, have they ever found her? | ||
| Yeah, I think she came out and she said, I misspoke. | ||
| No, there was a printed release. | ||
| I don't know if they've ever seen her in public. | ||
| The same as Jack Ma. | ||
| You know, Jack Ma is the CEO of Alibaba. | ||
| Is he gone? | ||
| Well, he was gone for many months. | ||
| And then he came back and like, he looks a little shell-shocked. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the fuck they did to him. | ||
| They kept him in a cage. | ||
| Whether they tortured him, whether they just scared the fuck out of him, whether they put him in exile and just made him have an adjustment of his attitude. | ||
| But they don't play games. | ||
| It's a completely different kind of government. | ||
| Is the expectation that... | ||
| Wouldn't you think that corruption would lead to... | ||
| You know, like we started this conversation about ego. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're managing the wouldn't... | ||
| The Chinese leadership, corruption, you know, it's human beings. | ||
| You would think so, but I don't know if it's corruption in their sense, because they seem to have this dedication to the CCP, right? | ||
| And the CCP kind of runs everything. | ||
| And I don't know if you would call it corruption, if they're intertwined, like the way they think of business is like business and government, that the business serves government. | ||
| Yeah, they did it really quick. | ||
| And then not only that, they're doing it in all these other countries where they're giving them loans that they know they can never take back or they never pay back, rather, and then they control these natural resources. | ||
| Well, and also, aren't they doing, hey, we're going to build you this power plant. | ||
| They're like, great. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We're going to bring in 500,000 people. | ||
| And so, but wouldn't corruption, again, people get greedy. | ||
| When people get greedy, they kill them. | ||
| They don't have a system like... | ||
| Have you ever heard this? | ||
| Nancy Pelosi would be dead as fuck if she was over there. | ||
| They would have killed her a long time ago. | ||
| Have you... | ||
| But, like, I mean... | ||
| Unless she was serving the big businesses and serving the Chinese Communist Party. | ||
| If she was a part of their system over there and she sort of exhibited the kind of arrogance that you've seen her exhibit as a person who's the Speaker of the House in America, it's like it's a different world over there. | ||
| When they have a dedication to the Chinese Communist Party, that's what their dedication is. | ||
| Well, is it that or some people believe that it's revenge for the opium wars? | ||
| What is revenge for the opium wars? | ||
| That the Chinese, you know what the British did with the opium warms. | ||
| The British essentially went in. | ||
| They tried to take over China. | ||
| China was like, no thanks. | ||
| And the British were like, okay, here's some free opium. | ||
| And pull that up. | ||
| It's like, it's a dark history. | ||
| How long ago did they do that? | ||
| That was, I mean, it's like... | ||
| 1600s. | ||
| The opium wars were two conflicts fought in China in the mid-19th century between the western countries of the... | ||
| How do you say that word? | ||
| I can't even know where... | ||
| Q-I-N-G dynasty? | ||
| Qing. | ||
| Qing, maybe. | ||
| Right, Qing, maybe. | ||
| Which ruled China from 1644 to 1911, 1912. Essentially, how I understand it is these European powers were trying to take over China, and there was some resistance. | ||
| So what they did is they essentially got them all addicted to opium. | ||
| And they lost a generation or two. | ||
| And so that's the fentanyl kind of creeping in. | ||
| It's a very paranoid thing, but that's... | ||
| Some revenge. | ||
| Well, even if it's not revenge, it seems like a good strategy for corrupting a population. | ||
| It's also, you know, if you have this great power that had to, you know, I mean, what a cruel thing to do. | ||
| I mean, slavery is insane. | ||
| It's just a strategy for war, though. | ||
| Is it more cruel to drop a nuclear bomb on people? | ||
| At least with opium, you give them the ability to make a decision for themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| I mean, that's probably what they're doing with us with TikTok. | ||
| TikTok? | ||
| You think that? | ||
| Yeah, they've released TikTok. | ||
| It's like a plague. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| All these fucking kids are just... | ||
| Are your kids TikTok-ing at all? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Mine do. | ||
| They added it to Teslas. | ||
| TikTok? | ||
| It's built into Tesla now. | ||
| Oh, Elon. | ||
| What have you done, Elon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've defended you up until now! | |
| I don't play games in my fucking Tesla. | ||
| I just drive it. | ||
| So there's TikTok in Tesla? | ||
| I guess if you don't have to drive, right? | ||
| Chess is in Tesla, too. | ||
| How about talking about the good things? | ||
| You can make a fart when you make a turn. | ||
| So, what is going to happen with – is Tesla going to take over – like, in 10 years, is Elon Musk going to be in business? | ||
| Or is he going to be? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I mean, I think Tesla's going to be in business in 10 years. | ||
| I mean, it's the biggest car manufacturer in the United States right now, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I know it's worth more. | ||
| I think they manufacture more and sell more Teslas than any other American brand. | ||
| See if that's true. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I'm pretty sure Ford F-150 is the top selling car. | ||
| Ford F-150 was the top selling car? | ||
| Well, let's find out. | ||
| Don't just guess. | ||
| Don't just guess. | ||
| But as a company, I think Tesla, the company, sells more cars than any other American car manufacturer. | ||
| I'm pretty sure of that. | ||
| Or I read an article that was a lie. | ||
| That could be happening. | ||
| Could be propaganda. | ||
| Do you have a Tesla? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Do you have a driven one? | ||
| I've been in one. | ||
| They're pretty spectacular. | ||
| They're next level. | ||
| Spaceship. | ||
| For the last three years, they've averaged 900,000 per year for F-150s. | ||
| I don't think they sell that many Teslas. | ||
| Well, why don't you Google it instead of thinking? | ||
| I mean, you know, the F-150 is fascinating. | ||
| I had jokes about the pickup truck. | ||
| Like, when we were kids, pickup trucks were kind of popular, but now it is the embodiment of one's personality, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Q3, they just made their two millionth car. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I believe that's for all of their sexy life. | ||
| They sold two million electric cars ever? | ||
| They're expensive. | ||
| First automaker to reach two million? | ||
| What does that say? | ||
| Click on that? | ||
| Inside EVs? | ||
| Is that electric cars? | ||
| First automaker to reach the milestone. | ||
| Soon the production sales volume will reach one million per year. | ||
| So they sell more man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I'm so glad I was right. | ||
| Okay, sure. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| That's Tesla versus one Ford car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| The F-150. | ||
| How much does the F-150 sell? | ||
| $900,000 per year. | ||
| Right, but you know that Ford is actually, they're going to stop production of almost everything except the F-150 and the Mustang, which is pretty crazy. | ||
| I just was saying. | ||
| Yeah, no, but like the F-150 and the Mustang together is more than Tesla. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| And then if you add in... | ||
| Ford Escorts, you know, and then there's Cadillac, Escalades. | ||
| So that two million milestone, they're the first company that sells two million electric cars. | ||
| So that's the milestone, is that they're the first company to sell that many electric cars. | ||
| So like every year... | ||
| By the way, there's no cars available to buy, right? | ||
| No, it's nuts. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| The chip shortage thing is fucking spooky. | ||
| Because, like, you guys didn't see that coming? | ||
| You just thought you could just buy chips from China and they would be cool just selling them to you? | ||
| Because humans are dumb. | ||
| 2020, the amount of autos and light trucks sold in the U.S. dipped to around 14.5 million units. | ||
| I guess that's for all cars. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| All companies. | ||
| Ford Motor Company's vehicles in the U.S. between 2015 to... | ||
| Well, it doesn't say. | ||
| It doesn't say. | ||
| But like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it does right there. | |
| 599,000 units to around 539,000 units. | ||
| That's counter to the 900,000 I just saw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Why don't you Google... | ||
| Google when China's gonna invade Taiwan. | ||
| Who sells the most cars. | ||
| I predict that China... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Because you know China's gonna take over Taiwan. | ||
| When's that gonna happen? | ||
| It seems like it's already happening, and it seems like... | ||
| Well, they quietly took over Hong Kong during the pandemic, where they locked down all freedom of the press, and they started arresting activists, and they started doing things that no one protested about, and they just... | ||
| Oh, okay, we're going to keep doing this. | ||
| You know, I love performing in China, so I don't want to... | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Too late. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go over there right now, brother. | ||
| Tap your phone. | ||
| You're going to be in trouble. | ||
| After you do this podcast. | ||
| It's fascinating, culturally. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| You're just standing over there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's it like? | ||
| Well, I'm performing for XPath, but there are people that have lived in the US and have gone back there. | ||
| But I would say that my prediction is after the Beijing Winter Olympics, that's when China's going to be like, all right, we're going to take Taiwan. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| I thought that Russia and – this is all just – by the way, I talk about food in my act. | ||
| It's also Putin wants Ukraine. | ||
| By the way, I performed in Moscow. | ||
| There's a subway station in Moscow. | ||
| The subway stations in Moscow are so beautiful because they wanted to celebrate the working people. | ||
| So like the subway stations are really nice. | ||
| And one of the subway stations is all Ukraine. | ||
| So when we say Russia giving up the independence, it's kind of messy. | ||
| Crimea, historically, there's a lot of... | ||
| Would it be like if Texas tried to secede? | ||
| Oh, that's their subway station? | ||
| Yeah, it's no joke. | ||
| Wow, that's fucking beautiful. | ||
| And so there is one that is all dedicated to Ukraine. | ||
| They have such specific architecture, right? | ||
| Like, if you look at Moscow, and you look at the architecture, it's so clear that it's Russian architecture. | ||
| Well, there's, you know, a lot of it was destroyed, I think. | ||
| I mean, by the way, like, performing in Warsaw, so weird. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Like, Warsaw was completely leveled, and they rebuilt it from photographs, right? | ||
| So you're like, you're walking through and you're like, oh look, this church, Poland, so fascinating. | ||
| Like there's different museums in Warsaw and it's like, what do you want to cry about? | ||
| Because it's like, there's one that's all about the Polish Jews, like at the start of World War II, one in six Polish citizens was Jewish. | ||
| It's like, you're like, one in six? | ||
| And now there's like, 2000? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And there was like 30 million people. | ||
| And one in six was Jewish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And so, I mean, I'm getting all the numbers wrong, but... | ||
| And then there's just like... | ||
| Jesus Christ, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| So Warsaw was... | ||
| Like, there's a story of like when... | ||
| When the Polish rose up in Warsaw to take down the Nazis, the Russians were on the other side of the river. | ||
| And they said, they're like, hey, come on in, help us. | ||
| We're fighting the Germans. | ||
| And the Russians were like, we'll wait. | ||
| And so they let the Polish fight the Germans. | ||
| The Polish finally took over. | ||
| Then the Russians came in, took over the Polish. | ||
| The Polish history is insane. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like just devastating. | ||
| Look how flattened that place was. | ||
| And when the Germans left, they leveled everything. | ||
| Like they knew they were going to lose. | ||
| They just, just to screw over the Poles. | ||
| And it's like the Polish people have been dealing with this... | ||
| For generations. | ||
| And this is, you know, within the last hundred years or so. | ||
| That's what's fucked about history. | ||
| It's like, that's a blip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| It's a tiny blip. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| One of the things in Dan Carlin's hardcore history, and again, this is in the 1200s, right, when Genghis Khan was alive, he talked about the Chorismian Shah who went to visit Jin China because they were trying to see, like, you know, should we visit Do they invade these people? | ||
| Do they have anything to steal? | ||
| What are we going to do over there? | ||
| And as they went down the path, they thought what they saw in the distance was a snow-covered mountain. | ||
| And as they got closer, they realized it was a stack of bones. | ||
| That was so high. | ||
| There was a million dead people stacked on top of each other. | ||
| They had abandoned the roads because the roads were so filled with decaying human bodies that the roads had deteriorated into mud and you couldn't- Where is this? | ||
| This was in Jin, China. | ||
| You couldn't traverse the roads. | ||
| You couldn't make it through and people were dying just from sickness, from the stench of the rotting bodies and the bacteria that was in the air. | ||
| But the fact that there were so many dead bodies that they mistook a pile of them as a mountain with snow-covered peaks. | ||
| And then as they got closer, they realized, oh my god, that's a stack of bodies. | ||
| Over a million dead people. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Just stacked on top of each other. | ||
| And they did that with fucking bows and arrows and swords. | ||
| Well, by the way, it's like Caesar killed millions of Caesar, who everyone's like, Caesar, I love going to- Little Caesars. | ||
| It's a nice restaurant. | ||
| It's like, SPQR, I love that! | ||
| It's like, murdered tons of people. | ||
| He has this whole series on, I think it was all about- Caesar's Holocaust or whatever? | ||
| Because he killed millions of Gauls. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's got a salad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine if there was a Hitler salad. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, you know, the Caesar salad invented in Tijuana. | ||
| Really? | ||
| There was an Italian... | ||
| I actually ate at the restaurant. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| There was an Italian... | ||
| I think it's a Mexican guy. | ||
| Tijuana salad invented in... | ||
| A Mexican guy in Tijuana who invented... | ||
| It's a famous restaurant in a hotel in Tijuana. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Well, the fact they figured out to put anchovies on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Such a bold move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's so delicious. | ||
| So good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And it's probably so bad for you, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I am a gigantic fan of Mexican food, period. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| I fucking love Mexican food. | ||
| Why is, like, American food's okay, but, like, Mexican food is, it's life-changing. | ||
| Spice. | ||
| There's a lot of spice, like a good carne asada burrito. | ||
| Oh my God, with guacamole and, oh, and the diced onions. | ||
| There's different peppers in different regions. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, no, I'm a giant. | ||
| I'm so proud to be Mexican. | ||
| How funny is that Louis C.K.'s Mexican? | ||
| Oh, it's amazing. | ||
| Like, legitimately. | ||
| Born in Mexico. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, like, the whole... | ||
| I mean, Mexico has a pretty sordid history, too. | ||
| Crazy history. | ||
| Like, they had... | ||
| There was, like, you know, what we did to the Native Americans, they did to their Native people. | ||
| They did them dirty, too. | ||
| Well, what we need to recognize also is, like, how did they come to speak Spanish in the first place? | ||
| They came to speak Spanish in the first place because of European settlers came by and just destroyed their fucking country. | ||
| And the only reason they could do that is European diseases. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, they were going to get their ass kicked. | |
| They were going to get their ass kicked, and people just started getting... | ||
| The cold. | ||
| But there was also some real confusion. | ||
| Like when Cortez and his people showed up on horses, they thought they were gods. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what are they doing riding a horse? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's what's really wild. | ||
| Like, the Mayans didn't ride horses. | ||
| Like, they had built that kind of an empire without riding horses. | ||
| And, well, it's like... | ||
| But also, like... | ||
| I mean, from Mexico, we got tomatoes, corn... | ||
| And then there's some third thing. | ||
| Oh, chocolate. | ||
| It's like, it's insane. | ||
| Like everything that... | ||
| The reason I'm fat... | ||
| It comes from Mexico. | ||
| I wonder if the old corn, the kind of corn you hang on your door for Thanksgiving, that bullshit corn, I wonder if that's better for you. | ||
| Have you ever had that corn? | ||
| Oh, I'm sure it is. | ||
| By the way, I did a show in Bogota. | ||
| Damn, you travel everywhere. | ||
| I love internet. | ||
| Well, I did this pale tourist special where I was going to do Latin America. | ||
| I was in right when the pandemic hit. | ||
| But the vegetables, like, have you seen corn in South America? | ||
| No. | ||
| It is like, a kernel is like the size of this. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm exaggerating. | ||
| But if we pull some of the images up of... | ||
| Have you ever been to a country and you're like, we're kind of used to it? | ||
| Growing up, I didn't know what hummus was, but you go to certain countries and you're like, oh, this fruit. | ||
| There's fruit that we don't know of. | ||
| Oh, yeah, like durian? | ||
| Yeah, which is disgusting. | ||
| It smells like... | ||
| Yeah, but there's some kernels... | ||
| Colombian corn. | ||
| That looks like regular corn. | ||
| No, but look at the size of those kernels. | ||
| They're pretty fat. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I would think that American corn would be fatter because of genetic modifications, right? | ||
| But I think it's also... | ||
| That's pretty fat. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| I would imagine that it's the speed... | ||
| That's impressive. | ||
| It's probably the speed of growing that we're after. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we probably want to get to the point right away and then we get quick growing... | ||
| Do you know why carrots are orange? | ||
| Carrotin? | ||
| No. | ||
| Carrots are not originally orange. | ||
| They were changed to orange to honor the king of the Netherlands, William of Orange. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| William of Orange? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How the fuck did they do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I've had carrots before. | ||
| By the way, Brussels sprouts were invented in Brussels. | ||
| They were invented? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Somebody invented Brussels sprouts? | ||
| I think there's... | ||
| This is where I'm like complete... | ||
| These are all things that are in my head that I think are true. | ||
| The Brussels sprouts thing is interesting. | ||
| But like the carrots, look up carrots. | ||
| You know how you get carrots and you're like, oh, purple carrot. | ||
| I think they all used to be purple. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Is this true? | ||
| Yes, but I don't see the reasoning for it being as like a present or an homage to anyone. | ||
| I've had white carrots before. | ||
| But it does say something. | ||
| 16th century Dutch carrots being purple. | ||
| A tribute to the emblem of the House of Orange and the struggle for Dutch independence. | ||
| I wonder how they did it. | ||
| I mean, if you either have orange carrots or you don't, how do you make them orange? | ||
| Every farmer collects seeds, right? | ||
| So it's like, wow, this crop grew really well. | ||
| This is a stronger seed. | ||
| I'm going to plant this seed rather than these didn't do that well. | ||
| I'm not going to save these seeds. | ||
| Carrot bonus facts. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| It's actually possible to turn your skin a shade of orange by massively overconsuming orange carrots. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| Andy Dick did that. | ||
| I watched it happen. | ||
| Orange carrots get their bright orange color from beta-carotene. | ||
| Beta-carotene metabolizes in the human gut and bile salts into vitamin A. The origins of the cultivated carrot is rooted in the purple carrot in the region around modern-day Afghanistan. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The purple carrot comes from fucking Afghanistan. | ||
| While cultivation of the garden style orange carrot lapses for a few generations, the carrots revert back to their ancestral carrot types, which are very different from the current garden variety. | ||
| In ancient times, the root part of the carrot plant we eat today was not typically used. | ||
| The carrot plant, however, was highly valued due to the medicinal value of its seeds and leaves. | ||
| For instance, how do you say that guy? | ||
| Mithridates VI, king of Pontus, around 100 BC, had a recipe for counteracting certain poisons with the principal ingredient being carrot seeds. | ||
| It has since been proven that this concoction actually works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Wow. | ||
| So they had white ones and yellow ones, too? | ||
| The Romans believed that carrots were aphrodisiacs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Imagine if you can go back with a bucket of Viagra to Rome and go, boys, I'm here to make money. | ||
| I mean, like, all right, so if you could go back to any time period, like, would you go to Rome? | ||
| No, I would go to ancient Egypt. | ||
| I would go during the time of the construction of the pyramids. | ||
| I'd be like, what was that like? | ||
| How did they do that? | ||
| By the way, so there's pyramids in Egypt. | ||
| There's pyramids in Central and South America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These two human beings, two groups of human beings, both decided to do it? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, very different though. | ||
| Different in terms of style, but also similar in terms of the way they laid out their villages and their cities to coincide or to match up with constellations. | ||
| Really interesting. | ||
| So many of them were sky watchers, you know, whether it's the ancient Egyptians, the ancient Mayans, the Aztecs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's really nuts, man, is that there was thriving civilizations in the Amazon, and that they believe that they were wiped out by European diseases, and that this was not really known until the invention of LIDAR. It was speculated, | ||
| and it was the premise from the movie The Lost City of Z. But over time with the advent of this new technology, which is like a light-emitting radar type deal, this thing called LIDAR that allows them to non-invasively scan the ground. | ||
| And with this penetrating technology, they can see trenches that were indicative of irrigation systems, grids that were there for cities, all swallowed up by the jungle because the people there died because European settlers brought in smallpox. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So all this stuff. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So they find these... | ||
| Oh, this is another one in the Guatemalan jungle. | ||
| They think, okay, this is one of the ancient cities home to millions more people than previously thought. | ||
| Vast interconnected network of ancient cities. | ||
| And these cities that were there were talked about by the initial European settlers. | ||
| Not even settlers rather, explorers. | ||
| They went to these areas and they talked about these incredible golden palaces and these amazing gilded chest plates and helmets these people wore. | ||
| Then they came back like a new group of people came back 50 years later and it was all gone. | ||
| Everyone was dead. | ||
| Not only that, the jungle had overcome all of the cities. | ||
| And so they're like, oh, these guys were lying. | ||
| And so the second group, the second wave of European explorers, thought the first group were just full of shit. | ||
| And they kept this idea until fairly recently. | ||
| Want to blow your mind even further? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The plants that are there, they're man-planted. | ||
| The rainforest, like the Amazon rainforest, is a result of agriculture. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So that was, someone planted those? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The Amazon rainforest is a result of human intervention. | ||
| The Amazon rainforest was planted. | ||
| Well, not necessarily planted as much as the original plants were invasive and they overwhelmed plants. | ||
| All the other plants. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Supposedly pristine, untouched Amazon rainforest was actually shaped by humans. | ||
| Over thousands of years, native people played a strong role in molding the ecology of this vast wilderness. | ||
| Not only did they do that, but they did that with a specific technology in creating a compost that we, to this day, do not understand the process of For a special compost. | ||
| They had a very special compost that created this dark, very rich earth that was made with controlled burns and the introduction of some composted material and some biological material, whether it's food or decayed animals or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But the bacteria from this was incredibly rich and allowed them to have this amazingly fertile ground that they're losing When they're doing these mass burns, and they're defoliating these areas for cattle ranches, and they're fucking up the rainforest in the process of doing this. | ||
| So, based on that, then, the oxygen output that the Amazon provides was not there at one point. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But, I mean... | ||
| There were less humans. | ||
| Way less humans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you got to imagine there's a few million people that were living down there, but it's nothing like the 20 plus million that live in Los Angeles or Mexico City, which is enormous, or some of these other cities. | ||
| But that whole rainforest area where we think of as like, this is how it's supposed to be. | ||
| No, they were planting a bunch of these really prolific plants that they used for agricultural purposes. | ||
| Now, wouldn't that lead us to believe that we could therefore reverse global warming? | ||
| If we could do something like that, take it from me. | ||
| Again, I tell food jokes for a living. | ||
| There's people that believe that. | ||
| There's people that also believe that one of the things about carbon dioxide is that carbon dioxide, which is obviously what human beings exhale and plants inhale, and then they produce oxygen. | ||
| With the excess carbon in our environment, there's actually more greenery today than there was 100 years ago. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's very complicated. | ||
| And I think one of the reasons why people don't like talking about it, because they don't want to exonerate human beings from the disastrous impact of our carbon output on the Earth itself, and not just carbon, but particulates and all the pollution. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| But I'm pretty sure that's true. | ||
| Because that was actually told to me by a legitimate scientist who was explaining how the one benefit of the increase in carbon is Is that there's actually an increase in the amount of green plants that exist today because of that. | ||
| Because they literally exist off of carbon. | ||
| Of carbon dioxide. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard because you want to say, like, oh, you know, maybe we can fix global warming by this. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Higher concentrations of carbon dioxide make plants more productive because photosynthesis relies on using the sun's energy to synthesize sugar out of carbon dioxide and water. | ||
| Plants and ecosystems use the sugar as both an energy source and as the basic building block for growth. | ||
| Yes, more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere helps plants. | ||
| So global land photosynthesis changes in its causes. | ||
| So if you look at the year 2000, look when they go back to the year 1000, like look at that chart. | ||
| Look how few plants there were. | ||
| Now look at 2000. Look how much more green there is. | ||
| Carbon dioxide fertilization, increased leaf area, and growing season change. | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| Like there's more greenery today. | ||
| But the real mindfuck is knowing that the Amazon rainforest is the result of human agriculture. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, it's, um, there's like, um, what are the plants? | ||
| They're the weird plants. | ||
| One of them is like the ice cream bean. | ||
| One of them is, um, there's a bunch of different really odd plants that are the result of this extreme, uh, foliation. | ||
| How about in Sapiens how, like, farming really is, like, ended up being a real problem for humans? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, we could finally feed everyone, but the problem is, is we started eating crap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where people are like, we'll just eat grain. | ||
| Tons of grain. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I think education is really the problem more than it is farming. | ||
| Because if it wasn't for farming, you'd never have cities. | ||
| There's no way you're going to have something like Manhattan without farming. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
| They're not growing anything there. | ||
| No one's self-sustaining. | ||
| No one has a lot in their backyard. | ||
| How about the fact that the Romans fed themselves With food that was grown in Egypt. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| The Romans, all the grain in Egypt. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| How far is that? | ||
| It seems pretty far. | ||
| Well, they did get one of those obelisks from ancient Egypt, and it's in the centerpiece of one of the main places in the Vatican. | ||
| You've been to Vatican? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You ever seen the obelisk? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's from... | ||
| Maybe I saw it. | ||
| They have one of them in Central Park, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, well, there's an Egyptian obelisk in Central Park in Manhattan. | ||
| There's one in the Museum of... | ||
| Is it the Met? | ||
| They have a whole room in the Met that is insane. | ||
| Where would you go if you had a time machine? | ||
| If you could go back to one point in human history? | ||
| I would love to meet... | ||
| My ancestor who came, one of them that came over from Ireland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be cool. | |
| They must have been wild fucking people willing to get in a boat and take your kids across a fucking ocean with not even a YouTube video to watch. | ||
| Yeah, they... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just had a dream that that was going to be better for them? | |
| You should do one of those finding your roots things. | ||
| Have you done that? | ||
| Like a 23andMe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, well, they have Dr. Louis Gates. | ||
| And so my last name is Gaffigan, but the real name was Gavahan. | ||
| And they changed it. | ||
| There's this belief that... | ||
| Oh, everyone changed their name. | ||
| The German people that worked at these immigration places changed their names. | ||
| And no, because they signed the logs back in Ireland. | ||
| So they gave the name of Gaffigan. | ||
| Here's another interesting fact. | ||
| At the start of World War I or World War II, more Americans spoke German than English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think that's true. | ||
| Look that up. | ||
| See if that's true. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| So like... | ||
| You know like St. Patrick's Day? | ||
| There is like... | ||
| America is very German. | ||
| Like St. Louis, Cincinnati, all German. | ||
| And German and French, but like there was a time when like the percentage of people that spoke German in the U.S. was – now we're going to find out it was like 38 percent. | ||
| But that's still insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Well, what is the primary second language in America today is Spanish, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What do you think the population, what the percentage of the population that speaks Spanish is? | ||
| 20% maybe? | ||
| Well, I think that Hispanics are at least 20-25%. | ||
| Right, but how many of them are fluent in Spanish? | ||
| Because I have friends that are Mexican that don't speak Spanish. | ||
| Well, I think that's the American story, is that the first generation wants to become American, so they kind of don't embrace it, and then generations after that try and kind of rediscover it. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| So let's find out what the German, what's the percentage that spoke German at the turn of the century? | ||
| I'm going to say, based on your story alone and no research, 42%. | ||
| I mean, it would be amazing if... | ||
| 25% is amazing. | ||
| It's one of those things... | ||
| So, Madison Square Garden... | ||
| There was a pro-Nazi rally. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That was in like the 30s, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wasn't it? | ||
| That was in 1939. Yeah, there was a big movement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild. | |
| The pictures of it are pretty crazy. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I performed there. | ||
| You performed there, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Look at that fucking... | ||
| Just to get that other point, I was seeing it was the number two language in 1917, but I was trying to dig through a bunch of stuff. | ||
| There were some laws that were being passed to stop education in any other language other than English around that time period, too. | ||
| What do they say as far as what percentage of people? | ||
| I was trying to find an actual statistic. | ||
| I wasn't getting the right information. | ||
| I was trying to go too quick. | ||
| You got nicotine gum? | ||
| That's my nicotine gum. | ||
| Goddamn, my friend. | ||
| Nicotine, man. | ||
| It gets you, doesn't it? | ||
| What's your nicotine? | ||
| Cigars. | ||
| Cigars? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever dip? | ||
| No. | ||
| I swallowed it once. | ||
| I dipped. | ||
| I've dipped before. | ||
| Dip gives you a wild rush, though, I'll tell you that. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| It said during World War I. World War I, U.S. government propaganda erased German culture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, they changed the names of all the streets in St. Louis. | ||
| Eight million first and second generations out of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| 92 million. | ||
| Count it in the population of 92. So yeah, so that's how many... | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| ...in their first language. | ||
| That's 10%. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's somewhere up there. | ||
| So during the 1850s, 900,000, almost a million Germans went to the United States. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| That's a lot back then. | ||
| That's the time when the German population was only 40 million. | ||
| So wow, that's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew there was a lot of newspapers that were written in German back then, but I didn't know about being spoken. | ||
| It's kind of stunning when you see how little England is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense what you're talking about with pirates, that they had to be the most horrific monsters to try to control the empire. | ||
| Well, it's also insane. | ||
| By the way, so I did this special in Spain, and I love history, so... | ||
| Do you know what year they finally unified Spain, where they got rid of the Moors, and they finally, the Castilians kind of pieced together what we consider modern day Spain. | ||
| Do you know what year they did that? | ||
| No. | ||
| 1492. Oh. | ||
| The year that Columbus... | ||
| So they literally finally kicked the Moors out. | ||
| By the way, we're really... | ||
| They were really not nice... | ||
| Moors are evil people. | ||
| Well, no, no. | ||
| They were not nice to the Moors or the Jews. | ||
| Like, they got... | ||
| The Moors, though, they were conquerors themselves, too. | ||
| They were conquerors. | ||
| Everybody was back then, right? | ||
| I mean, I performed in Morocco. | ||
| It's, like, amazing to think that, like... | ||
| You know, we think of the colonizers as these Europeans, but the Arabs were colonizers, too. | ||
| They colonized Morocco. | ||
| So, like, there's the Berbers in... | ||
| I'm sure I'm pronouncing that wrong. | ||
| So, the Moroccans that were in Spain were part of, you know, when Mohammed and all these guys rose up, the great... | ||
| Arab power was they took over and they got all the way into Spain and stuff like that. | ||
| But it's insane to think that... | ||
| I mean, this was a joke that I had when I went to Spain. | ||
| Like, Spain took all the gold, all the gold from Central and South America, all of it. | ||
| So, like, there wasn't really that much gold in North America. | ||
| There was gold in Central and South America and Spain took it all and they spent it. | ||
| And so one of my jokes when I was in Spain, I'm like, where's the gold? | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| You guys, like they literally, like one of the things they did is they built a navy and they got their ass kicked by the British. | ||
| You know, so it's really fascinating to see what, how quick these empires come and how quick they disappear. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the strange thing about where we are today, is that we want to think that the United States is going to be around forever, and that the power and influence we enjoy over the rest of the world will continue this way, and there's no way we would ever live under the thumb of a ruthless dictator like they did back in the day in this part of the world or that part of the world. | ||
| That's been the standard way that human beings have governed forever. | ||
| Yeah, the Romans were like, we're good. | ||
| No one's going to take over. | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| We got it. | ||
| The Greeks the same way. | ||
| I mean, they started with democracy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it all fucking fell apart. | ||
| I mean, the Romans were like so confident. | ||
| They're like, you know, Constantine's like, you know what? | ||
| I don't even want to do Rome anymore. | ||
| Let's go over to what's present day Istanbul. | ||
| Like he switched the capital of Rome. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's kind of like if a president was like, you know what? | ||
| I think our capital should now be in... | ||
| Let's now put it in Vancouver. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like in a different country. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's wild. | |
| This Roman Empire, it was named after a city, Rome, and he moved it to essentially Asia. | ||
| It's like insane. | ||
| Why did he go there? | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Chicks? | ||
| A lot of hot chicks over there? | ||
| I think that was... | ||
| That was modern, maybe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Dan Carlin would know. | ||
| Yeah, he'd be the guy to ask. | ||
| How does that guy know so much? | ||
| He's just consuming books. | ||
| Yeah, well, he works so hard on his show. | ||
| To call his show a podcast and to call this a podcast is really kind of hilarious. | ||
| Because this is like, we did zero preparation. | ||
| I haven't seen you in two years. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| We talked through text messages only, and then all of a sudden we're sitting there talking. | ||
| We have no idea what we're going to talk about, and we've been talking for hours. | ||
| Dan Carlin, when he does a two-hour podcast, he will research that for months. | ||
| Months and months. | ||
| Like, well, he'll do a thing like The Wrath of the Khan, which is a spectacular five-piece series on Genghis Khan. | ||
| When he did that, it took like six months to prepare. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and then he puts them out, and you can get them for a dollar. | ||
| They cost a dollar each, and it is like literally some of the most spectacular historical entertainment you'll ever get in your life. | ||
| It's educational. | ||
| There's an enthusiasm to how he does it, too. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| And he's so humble, too. | ||
| He always says he's not a historian. | ||
| Like, bitch, you're a fucking historian. | ||
| Yeah, he always says that, too. | ||
| Yeah, stop saying that. | ||
| Have you met him? | ||
| I haven't met him. | ||
| He's a great guy, too. | ||
| He's been on the podcast a couple times. | ||
| And so the length of his podcasts are astronomical, too. | ||
| They're like, four hours, part one of Caesar Conquers the World. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like, let me quote from this book that I read. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I haven't, like reading this dense information, he goes, Sophocles wrote this thing. | ||
| And you're like, how do you know that? | ||
| Yeah, and he covers so many different topics. | ||
| He had a great piece on Martin Luther and the invention of Lutherism and the time in history where making a version of the Bible that was phonetically readable, that people could understand, like a phonetic interpretation of the Bible where you could say the word. | ||
| That didn't exist. | ||
| They all read the Bible in Latin, and if you don't understand Latin, Most people didn't read. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You were at the whim of the priests. | ||
| And Martin Luther came along and said, actually, what God said, you should probably interpret it yourself and not leave it to these people. | ||
| And they came real close to killing him a few times for that. | ||
| It is amazing how consistently... | ||
| The messages and the teachings of Jesus are like, humans can't grasp it. | ||
| They're way off. | ||
| Like, oh, we're supposed to take care of the poor? | ||
| We're supposed to help the needy? | ||
| We're supposed to do all this? | ||
| And people are like, does that mean I should get another car? | ||
| We don't even come close. | ||
| I'm going to get a Jesus tattoo. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| We don't... | ||
| And I'm talking about people that, you know, embrace the Christian faith. | ||
| Like, get it wrong. | ||
| I'm not talking about people like, I don't believe in that stuff. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People who proclaim to be Christian. | ||
| Again, humans are pretty dumb. | ||
| Well, collectively, we're pretty brilliant. | ||
| What we're capable of collectively, I mean, we're both carrying around a small glass and metal device that sends video through the sky to people that live on the other side of the planet. | ||
| And we use it and we have no idea how it works. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I kind of roughly can tell you what they've done, but I can't recreate it. | ||
| If you're alone on an island with a million years with all the tools in the world, you'd never be able to figure out how to make a phone. | ||
| If someone came up to me right now, they're like, can you fix this toaster? | ||
| I'd be like, sorry, I can't. | ||
| So imagine, like, collectively, we're brilliant. | ||
| Individually, we vary so wildly that some of us, like myself, are basically chimps with a good vocabulary. | ||
| And some people are like Elon Musk, who figure out how to drill tunnels under the earth to fucking shoot traffic. | ||
| Oh, by the way, did you see that that fell apart in Vegas? | ||
| What, did it fall? | ||
| A traffic jam in the tunnel. | ||
| Yeah, I just saw that there was some negative article on it. | ||
| Well, they were saying there's a traffic jam, but essentially the traffic was at the exit of the tunnel. | ||
| Like, you couldn't just get out of the tunnel real quick. | ||
| You had to wait to get out of the tunnel. | ||
| Which is not good. | ||
| No, the whole point is to not wait, you know? | ||
| And for claustrophobic people, it would be a big problem. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Imagine if you're in the middle of the tunnel and imagine if one of those cars catches on fly. | ||
| There are people using a tunnel right now. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There was a newscast. | ||
| There was some news program that was doing this whole thing about the tunnels in Vegas. | ||
| I believe it was for CES. It's underneath the convention center in Vegas, and that's where CES was. | ||
| Well, occasionally they have bursts into flames, right? | ||
| Tesla? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they show at least a video of one in that compilation of it, so I don't know what the hell happened there, but yeah. | ||
| Could be an extra one. | ||
| And there was the movie Tucker and stuff like that. | ||
| The first time you were in a Tesla, were you kind of like, what are the other car manufacturers? | ||
| It's not like, we've got windshield wipers that work better. | ||
| They're like, everything is better. | ||
| Well, the first time I was in one was there was an app where you could rent a car from the app and they would deliver it to you, sort of like Uber Eats or something like that. | ||
| They'd deliver a car for you and you drive the car around and you tell them where it is when you're done and then they would come and get it. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this was like early on in the podcast. | ||
| I want to say this is like 2000... | ||
| 12-ish or something like that. | ||
| And they were one of our sponsors. | ||
| I was like, wow, this is really fascinating. | ||
| And I drove it around. | ||
| But back then, the battery technology, the efficiency was not that good. | ||
| I drove to the comedy store and back, and I had half the battery life. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And I didn't have a charger because it was at the studio. | ||
| So I was like, this seems like a little... | ||
| I don't want to be somewhere where it runs out of batteries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then years later, Elon did the podcast and he talked me into buying one. | ||
| He's like, it's the best car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta buy it. | |
| I go, okay, I buy it. | ||
| I buy it. | ||
| I buy it. | ||
| And I bought it. | ||
| I was like, holy fuck, it is the best car. | ||
| Because by then, they had really perfected it. | ||
| How long does the battery last? | ||
| I got the new one, and I think if you fully charge it, it hits somewhere around 350 miles. | ||
| See what a Model S Plaid can do. | ||
| Also, I keep it in ludicrous mode, because I'm reckless. | ||
| What's ludicrous mode? | ||
| The fastest it can drive. | ||
| There's different modes, and some modes allow you to preserve battery life. | ||
| Is that ludicrous, the singer? | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That would have been great. | ||
| If you hit the gas, it goes, oh! | ||
| I've got a big weed. | ||
| Charge time? | ||
| No, how long is the total mileage? | ||
| How long can it go for? | ||
| What's the range? | ||
| In ludicrous mode or not? | ||
| No, no, regular. | ||
| What's the range? | ||
| You need to have a charger at home. | ||
| Oh, yeah, 100%. | ||
| What is the range? | ||
| You have to be rich enough to have a home. | ||
| Yes, you have to have a home. | ||
| Or you can go to a charge station. | ||
| 348 miles. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, 80% of it's... | ||
| Okay, that's it. | ||
| So it traveled 280 miles. | ||
| And how long does it take the charge? | ||
| Is it like overnight? | ||
| No, four hours, I think. | ||
| You have an S. Yeah, the slower one, not the supercharger, would take if you were on the empty. | ||
| It fills up the first half of it faster, and then as you get fuller, it starts going a little slower. | ||
| But if you had a supercharger, you can get it done in a half an hour, 45 minutes, I think. | ||
| Especially as it's getting faster and faster. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| It sounds like something a kid would say. | ||
| You know, if you get supercharger... | ||
| Well, it's called a supercharger. | ||
| Supercharger. | ||
| You have to go to a location. | ||
| My dad's got a supercharger. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds funny. | ||
| That's not the technical term. | ||
| No, it's a supercharger. | ||
| It's super duper. | ||
| Super duper. | ||
| But they haven't added the extra... | ||
| Remember when Reggie was in here, he explained the Porsche has a bigger bandwidth pipeline. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I don't think they have that yet, but that should let it charge almost the whole thing in half an hour, I think, if not faster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a different setup that hasn't been totally implemented yet. | ||
| Tesla has the best network of charging stations. | ||
| You could go across the country... | ||
| And the car will tell you where the chargers are. | ||
| And then you can go to that charger. | ||
| Now, is Elon one of these guys that's like, he's like, oh, I have this idea? | ||
| Because there's a lot of brilliant people, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he also has to have the ability to get it done. | ||
| Look, a lot of people, like a lot of the things you're doing, it's not just about having the idea. | ||
| It's about saying, okay, I want you to do this, you to do this. | ||
| He has that management skill too, right? | ||
| He definitely does. | ||
| He also works so hard that he leads by example. | ||
| I mean, the guy works fucking 16 hours a day. | ||
| I mean, he's constantly working. | ||
| So he's constantly doing things. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he's just... | ||
| And also, he's got great time management in terms of his ability to concentrate on SpaceX for a little bit, Tesla for a little bit, and then, you know... | ||
| Isn't that fascinating? | ||
| He has a space program that he does on the side. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I just... | ||
| You know, like, the amount of articles that I want to read... | ||
| About the NFL playoffs is stressing me out. | ||
| Can you imagine being that smart? | ||
| It's odd. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I'm friends with him. | ||
| I hung out with him a bunch of times and talked to him. | ||
| He's so much smarter than me. | ||
| It's confusing. | ||
| I think that a lot of people are in that position with him, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Most people are in that position with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And especially when you look at the width of his knowledge. | ||
| It's not a narrow pipeline. | ||
| Like, he's concentrating on, you know, just semiconductor chips or just this, just that. | ||
| He's doing multiple different complex engineering projects. | ||
| Which, like, I just, it sounds like a comedy bit. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Maybe one day it'll be legit. | ||
| Like, maybe it's like the battery of the Tesla, the first one that I got 10 plus years ago. | ||
| Which is, it's just like subway road for cars. | ||
| But you're trapped in there in your car. | ||
| And it's, the belt is moving, right? | ||
| I don't know what's moving. | ||
| It looked to me like the car was driving. | ||
| That looks like a car is driving to me. | ||
| See, here's the jam. | ||
| But look, it looks like the opening is... | ||
| How far is the opening up there? | ||
| Does it go all the way? | ||
| Is this a prototype, like he's built it underneath? | ||
| See, but this is a small traffic jam, because look how quickly everybody's going out. | ||
| But also, this is the end of this long-ass tunnel, and it looks like everybody's... | ||
| So you can see, if you look ahead, the opening. | ||
| I would think they wouldn't want people driving, because people would get drunk and drive under the wall. | ||
| Well, you can let the car drive itself, so you don't even, like, do anything. | ||
| Like, it has auto driving. | ||
| So, yeah, this is the end of the line. | ||
| That's only, like, a minute of a traffic jam. | ||
| It's not that big of a tunnel, though, from what I've read. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's just the convention center. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like the Holland Tunnel. | |
| Like, he's like, in a way, he's kind of like, I have this amazing invention. | ||
| I've invented the Holland Tunnel. | ||
| You know, it's like tunnels have existed before. | ||
| I think that's one of them, but I think in other ones, you're going to attach yourself to a thing, and then it's going to rocket you way faster than your car can go. | ||
| Right, so it's going to rocket you from San Francisco to LA. Allegedly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| I just want to be in the... | ||
| That's the plan, but I think... | ||
| But that was just driving. | ||
| This one that we just showed, I believe, is this. | ||
| It's less than a mile long. | ||
| It's just a convention center. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The plan is to get this, which is the whole strip. | ||
| It's taking that little part and then adding the entire strip and you have a little spot to peel off at every casino. | ||
| But that's a way bigger construction program. | ||
| That's kind of fascinating. | ||
| Like if there was a bunch of tunnels and you could just get out at the Bellagio and pop out. | ||
| Or you could just take the road that exists there. | ||
| It's like a road, but it's like underneath. | ||
| Yeah, that's called a tunnel. | ||
| Well, one of the things they do out here in Texas is people have small helicopters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they fly around. | ||
| Like my friend Tim, Tim Kennedy, he has a helicopter and he flies around places in his fucking helicopter. | ||
| So he's on his place and he just flies. | ||
| He just gets in a helicopter, he flies, he'll land somewhere and then he'll Uber to where he needs to go. | ||
| And then he flies back home. | ||
| So where he lives is like 40 minutes by car but 5 minutes by helicopter. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| Getting a helicopter. | ||
| When you land. | ||
| I mean, that's what they, when they envisioned the helicopter initially, they thought that a helicopter was going to be a flying car. | ||
| That's what they essentially thought it was going to be for everybody. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like the Jetsons. | ||
| Yeah, literally. | ||
| And Bill Burr. | ||
| And Bill Burr. | ||
| Have you been up with Bill before? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Bill's taken me up a couple times. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| Like he, you can fly around downtown LA. You can go anywhere you want. | ||
| Like we were just flying around downtown LA, like around buildings and shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So you can get close to buildings? | ||
| Oh my god, real close. | ||
| As close to buildings as the parking lot is to this studio. | ||
| You could throw a rock from the helicopter if you open the window and hit a building. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Not only that, the buildings, a lot of them have helicopter landing pads on the roof. | ||
| They have this big X. I told you last week, I saw that this video got sent to me on YouTube. | ||
| It's got 2 million views. | ||
| A guy took a paramotor, it's called, up to 17,000 feet, but he just takes off from the middle of this housing area. | ||
| He straps this fucking fan onto his back and just starts going. | ||
| He looks like what I would imagine the neighbor's crazy kid. | ||
| Look, that's what he starts doing. | ||
| And then he just goes? | ||
| He goes to 17,000 feet. | ||
| He's just floating up there with his iPhone. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| What if he dropped it on someone's head? | ||
| Imagine if he died because this fucking dork drops his iPhone on your head. | ||
| At one point he's just like, I think if you pass out, you might just float down for a while. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because he seems pretty new in it. | ||
| He's probably got no air. | ||
| Yeah, he hadn't gone up this high. | ||
| Oh, fuck, buddy. | ||
| He doesn't have an air tank. | ||
| It just seemed, but I think you can just use it. | ||
| 17,000 feet. | ||
| At what point does oxygen become a problem? | ||
| Right there, at that point? | ||
| First of all, how cold is it? | ||
| He got very cold. | ||
| I was very curious about all these things you guys were asking, so I just sort of watched the whole thing. | ||
| What if he gets hit by a plane? | ||
| One part, he wanted to go through a cloud. | ||
| He's like, it's going to be awesome to go through it. | ||
| I think he thought that was a bad idea. | ||
| Yeah, you're getting hit by lightning. | ||
| But they said it was the view. | ||
| He's talking about how awesome it all is. | ||
| He's just floating up there. | ||
| Did you tell everybody the earth is flat? | ||
| I did look. | ||
| You can't really tell, honestly. | ||
| You can't see anything. | ||
| It's flat, bro. | ||
| But another video of his, he goes flying over sharks and stuff down in Florida. | ||
| But look how amazing that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So this kid's just crazy. | ||
| So how did he get down? | ||
| You just float down. | ||
| Oh, he's got mittens and shit? | ||
| You float down eventually? | ||
| Yeah, you just start going. | ||
| You turn off the power and you just coast. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And so he got home to where he was. | ||
| Right back to where his car, right back where he started. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He pinpointed it? | ||
| He had to piss. | ||
| He had to pee real bad. | ||
| So it's a podcast. | ||
| He did a podcast in space. | ||
| But I think you can just buy these and go. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm sure he trained himself so he doesn't die, but I don't think you have to. | ||
| I mean, this is just my takeaway. | ||
| I'm like, who's mowing all that area? | ||
| That seems like... | ||
| That's a big job. | ||
| If I was a landscaper, I'd be like, I want that contract. | ||
| It's a good contract, though. | ||
| That would be a good contract. | ||
| Oh, you got good money in that one. | ||
| Yeah, good lawn stuff. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Do you remember the guy who faked his kid floating away in a balloon in Colorado? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Didn't he go to jail? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| What do you mean he faked his kid? | ||
| Yeah, he had a hoax where he said one of his children grabbed a hold of a balloon and floated away. | ||
| The cops were looking for the kid. | ||
| They were worried. | ||
| And why did he just pretend? | ||
| It's like he just did it as a prank, I think, or just as a way to get attention. | ||
| Yeah, there's a son. | ||
| Yeah, it was like live news all over the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boy trapped in runaway balloon. | ||
| It was a 2009 hoax. | ||
| I know this because that was the same year that I moved to Colorado and Joey Diaz started calling me balloons. | ||
| But here's what I understand. | ||
| It's like, what would his motivation be? | ||
| He's like, gotcha! | ||
| Just an idiot. | ||
| Just an idiot who wanted attention. | ||
| This was during the reality TV days, right? | ||
| So this was like John and Kate plus eight. | ||
| What a great idea. | ||
| Have 18 kids. | ||
| You know, have the Octomom. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| People were doing anything they could to get attention. | ||
| And I think this knucklehead just decided he was going to pretend that his kid floated away in a balloon. | ||
| And so he went to jail? | ||
| I believe he was sentenced. | ||
| All right, so 2019, a local Denver news reporter did an in-depth story on, like, the truth finally comes out. | ||
| I guess he was trying to start a TV show, calling some viral story or something like that. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So did he wind up getting sentenced? | ||
| Jail or prison is anything I saw pop up yet, but maybe. | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure he had to do a little stint. | ||
| They spent $62,000 looking for the balloon. | ||
| 90 days in prison. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| 90 days. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| He served 20 days. | ||
| So dumb. | ||
| So dumb. | ||
| But not shocking. | ||
| I mean, how many people will do almost anything for some kind of fame and attention? | ||
| Did you hear about the girl who was selling her farts? | ||
| She had a heart attack? | ||
| And now she's selling them as NFTs is the next turn of that story. | ||
| She probably didn't have a heart attack. | ||
| She's probably saying she had a heart attack so everybody would pay attention to her more. | ||
| Pretty smart. | ||
| She's some reality star, and she was selling her jars of farts. | ||
| She would fart into a jar and sell them. | ||
| How do you get to that point of an idea, you know, hear me out? | ||
| Well, guys, she's hot. | ||
| She is hot. | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| So guys look at her and they go, I want something from her, anything. | ||
| She's like, I'll sell my farts. | ||
| And you're like, I'll buy them. | ||
| I'll buy them. | ||
| How much are the farts? | ||
| Suffers health scare. | ||
| I think they're like 50 bucks. | ||
| Yeah, so she probably sold thousands of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So there's just 50. But here's the thing. | |
| Do you really think she's farting in those jars? | ||
| She's just selling jars. | ||
| I would say it's a fraud. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, I don't think she really had a heart scare either. | ||
| Do you know how much Bert Kreischer eats? | ||
| And how much he farts? | ||
| And this lady? | ||
| I read the thing she said she was drinking to make them more pungent. | ||
| She was drinking three protein shakes a day and eating a bunch of black bean soup. | ||
| She's just being silly. | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| We're talking about her. | ||
| It's smart. | ||
| 90 Day Fiancé. | ||
| So she was on that show, 90 Day Fiance? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Listen, man, some people just, they get a little bit of attention. | ||
| They go, okay, we got to keep this ball rolling. | ||
| On a plane, I sat next to somebody who was a bachelorette or a bachelor. | ||
| She was a bachelorette. | ||
| I don't know if that's the gender term. | ||
| And she had a little business going on. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's smart. | ||
| I mean, if you can get on one of those shows, and, you know, anytime you can get on one of those shows where you're on ABC or NBC or whatever it is, and, you know, you get a little bit of heat, you can blow on those embers and throw some kindling on it, and you can make a fire. | ||
| I mean, there's people that have real careers that they've made from those goofy shows. | ||
| Like, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. | ||
| I mean, haven't there been, like, a bunch of big businesses that have been launched from those shows? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| If you're clever, and you're opportunistic, you make the most out of that moment. | ||
| It is interesting how there's... | ||
| We applaud certain ambitions, but we judge others, right? | ||
| So she's farting in a can, right? | ||
| And we're kind of like, that's humiliating. | ||
| She's hot though, look at her. | ||
| She's fucking, she's pretty smokin'. | ||
| But there's the jar. | ||
| Far the NFT of it. | ||
| Jar fart NFT. What is it? | ||
| Growing plants? | ||
| What is it supposed to be? | ||
| Yeah, this is 100%. | ||
| It's turned into a joke of it now. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| Fart jars with Stephanie Matto. | ||
| I wonder how much it costs. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| Yeah, there's different. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Oh, the different straw on it. | ||
| Oh, she wants Ethereum. | ||
| .05 ETH. Oh, boy. | ||
| So what does... | ||
| I'm just going to make some money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If it sells out. | ||
| I mean, look, she's being smart, right? | ||
| She said she had a heart attack. | ||
| You know that's not true, but we're talking about it. | ||
| People are like, that's okay, but Matt Damon does a commercial for crypto, and people freak out. | ||
| Well, the difference is Matt Damon is Jason Bourne, and he's a super successful actor. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He is very wealthy. | ||
| He doesn't need the money, and a lot of people associate crypto with a scam. | ||
| Okay, but... | ||
| She's just a hustler. | ||
| She's a young girl trying to make it. | ||
| Is crypto a scam? | ||
| I don't think it's a scam. | ||
| Okay, so then what's wrong with that? | ||
| I think it's an alternative form of money, but it's viewed... | ||
| It's an education issue, I think. | ||
| So if... | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| I just... | ||
| You know, look, as the number one Matt Damon defender on... | ||
| I just... | ||
| I remember seeing that, and I'm like, so, I mean... | ||
| People do, you know, is NFT a scam? | ||
| Is promoting a gambling thing? | ||
| Is promoting alcohol? | ||
| Is that a scam? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I don't think any of them are scams. | ||
| And here's the way I look at things. | ||
| What upsets me? | ||
| Does it upset me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it doesn't upset me. | ||
| So who's it upsetting? | ||
| And why is it upsetting them? | ||
| Well, because they have nothing better to do. | ||
| They're wondering whether or not Matt Damon should be doing a commercial for cryptocurrency. | ||
| Like, who do you give a fuck? | ||
| Like, why is that even on your radar for a second? | ||
| Well, by the way, it's... | ||
| I mean, it's weird. | ||
| I just think it's strange. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Look, commercials... | ||
| The equation of do people need the money? | ||
| They don't. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| But is that... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Does Kevin James, I mean, does Kevin Hart need another job? | ||
| No, but like, you know what? | ||
| That's what he does, though. | ||
| He hustles. | ||
| He's a hustler, right? | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| So it's like, we don't criticize him. | ||
| What's wrong with Matt Damon? | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| Well, Kevin Hart I don't think is selling crypto, though, is he? | ||
| He's selling credit cards. | ||
| Right, but everybody has a credit card. | ||
| That's like a normal thing. | ||
| If Matt Damon was selling a credit card, I don't think... | ||
| Remember when Jennifer Gardner was doing credit card commercials? | ||
| Remember, she's still doing it. | ||
| Okay, nobody cares. | ||
| But she doesn't need money. | ||
| I'm sure she needs money. | ||
| Why does she need money? | ||
| Because she probably doesn't work as much anymore. | ||
| And her and Ben Affleck are divorced. | ||
| Why doesn't she borrow money from Matt Damon if he has so much money? | ||
| But the thing is, my point is... | ||
| Because then she'd have to pay it back. | ||
| No one needs... | ||
| None of these people need more money. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Matt Damon's crypto commercial gets ridiculed for comparing crypto investments with space travel. | ||
| Oh, that's why. | ||
| It's a cringe word. | ||
| Well, let's play the commercial. | ||
| Because I haven't seen it. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| I think I've seen it. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| Is it cringy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, not necessarily. | ||
| But I mean, if you want to say that, that investing in Bitcoin is the same as scaling Mount Everest, that's a little much. | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| I don't know if it's cringy. | ||
| No, but I've seen the commercial. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Let's watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...with almosts. | |
| With those who almost adventured, who almost achieved, but ultimately, for them it proved to be too much. | ||
| Then, there are others. | ||
| The ones who embrace the moment... | ||
| And commit. | ||
| And in these moments of truth, these men and women, these mere mortals, just like you and me, as they peer over the edge, they calm their minds and steel their nerves with four simple words that have been whispered by the intrepid since the time of the Romans. | ||
| Fortune favors the brave. | ||
| Crypto.com. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| Now, by the way, I'm a giant Matt Damon fan, so that said, I don't get upset because I really like him. | ||
| I like watching him. | ||
| He's a great actor, but that's a little cringy. | ||
| What's so... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think... | ||
| It's dumb. | ||
| If I was doing that commercial, I'd go, guys, guys, guys, isn't there another way to sell this? | ||
| We don't have to compare ourselves to fucking Christopher Columbus and Neil Armstrong here. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| And that couple that was about to kiss. | ||
| Or they've got to climb Mount Everest. | ||
| But isn't the point that they're making is that, look, you've got to get in on the bottom floor. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fortune favors the brave. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But, is that really the way to do it? | ||
| Compare yourself to the fucking people that left Earth's atmosphere? | ||
| Rocket into fucking space? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not the same, bro. | ||
| There were also, like... | ||
| You're buying dogecoin. | ||
| They were also comparing themselves to colonizers, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good, too. | |
| Can you see that boat? | ||
| It's like, you can conquer foreign lands. | ||
| Yeah, you could bring slaves to the beach of a new place. | ||
| Isn't that what all advertising is, though? | ||
| In some way, right? | ||
| It's like manipulated exaggerations and... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of jazz. | |
| I think it's interesting. | ||
| I think it's interesting how culturally... | ||
| Certain things are considered... | ||
| Acceptable. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah, it is interesting. | ||
| And it changes depending upon the culture. | ||
| By the way, it's like the, you know, a lot of reality shows seem to be taking advantage of people, right? | ||
| Taking advantage of people that are, maybe they want it, but like some of them have, you know, maybe they're struggling with some issues. | ||
| Mental health issues. | ||
| And why is that okay? | ||
| Well, you're talking to the guy who hosted Fear Factor for six years, so maybe you need to talk to someone else. | ||
| No! | ||
| No! | ||
| Because you want to talk about being a hypocrite. | ||
| If I was like, yeah, they shouldn't do that. | ||
| No, but look, I'm a hypocrite too. | ||
| I'm not even calling you a hypocrite. | ||
| I'm talking about like, I'm asking a sincere question. | ||
| Why are certain things... | ||
| Why are people piling up on him when... | ||
| I mean, they're barely piling up. | ||
| They're barely piling up, right? | ||
| It's not going to affect them. | ||
| If Jason Bourne 3 comes out next week, no one's going to give a fuck. | ||
| And by the way, it's like the Lakers... | ||
| The new home of the Lakers is the crypto.com. | ||
| Anyway, I'm a primary... | ||
| What if it was revealed? | ||
| I'm a primary shareholder. | ||
| No, I think it's... | ||
| I'm curious to see where all this cryptocurrency stuff ends because I had Andreas Antonopoulos on my podcast years ago when Bitcoin was just like some thing that people talked about on the internet and I had no I was like well let's get a guy on and understand and they so they call him Bitcoin Jesus and he came on and explained it to me and long ago Andreas was Paying all of his rent, all of his bills. | ||
| Everything he did was through Bitcoin. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Is he held on to that? | ||
| I think he does. | ||
| I think he has held on to it. | ||
| So that NFT that's right in your room there, how much is that worth? | ||
| Well, that's a digital piece of artwork from Beeple. | ||
| And so that is not really an NFT, right? | ||
| It's just digital art. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's an NFT associated with it, to explain it, as you're asking. | ||
| So there's a QR code, if you see it sometimes, because it changes screen. | ||
| What Beeple's done, see that QR code? | ||
| I guess if you go there, it explains it to me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm never going to look at it. | ||
| But I love looking at the art, and what Beeple has done is, what's really fascinating is he's actually putting together an actual museum filled with things like this, and larger ones, too, of digital artwork. | ||
| And the digital artwork changes. | ||
| It moves around. | ||
| It goes black and white. | ||
| It zooms in and out like you see here. | ||
| So it's cool to look at and it's a completely new kind of art. | ||
| Because it's not just digital art in terms of like he made an image or he made a video. | ||
| But he's actually putting it in this form, this really cool frame. | ||
| And it moves around and it captures your mind and your eyes while you're watching it. | ||
| The colors change on it. | ||
| It's just dope. | ||
| It's so funny, because it's like, if you cut to 30 years ago, it's called a flat screen TV. Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's just the technology is like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's where I look at NFTs and crypto and I'm like... | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I'm like, maybe, one day. | ||
| Did the window close already? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Did it close? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It's definitely not closed, but we're not in on the ground floor. | ||
| It's similar to the stock market, right? | ||
| We were talking about Tesla. | ||
| I remember when Tesla was whatever X amount, and I'm like, yeah, it's too expensive. | ||
| Now it's like if I would have bought any, I would have covered my kid's college. | ||
| Well, people have those stories about Apple, getting out of Apple early on, and if they held it today, they'd have $500 million. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just hurts your head just thinking about it. | ||
| How about people that have had Bitcoin in hard drives and then they threw the computer out. | ||
| There's a guy who's been digging through a landfill for eight years because in that landfill is a half a billion dollars worth of Bitcoin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Ouch. | ||
| This dude's digging into a fucking landfill. | ||
| He's got like a crew working for eight years to try to find a hard drive. | ||
| And who knows what kind of deteriorated state the hard drive's going to be in if he actually does find it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then the guy who told him it, he goes, oh, did I say that landfill? | ||
| I meant that landfill! | ||
| He's got a bunch of union guys going, just keep working slow. | ||
| Keep this fucking job going. | ||
| What is the longest episode you've done? | ||
| Kevin Smith, probably. | ||
| That was like five hours. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| We're at three hours, so we should wrap this up while people still enjoy it. | ||
| Duncan Trussell. | ||
| That's what I thought I was. | ||
| How many did he do? | ||
| Five hours. | ||
| Five hours. | ||
| We're going to do five hours. | ||
| Five hours and 19 minutes. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| All right, all right. | ||
| Joe's like, I got to go home. | ||
| Your new Netflix special is available. | ||
| Oh, this is what I wanted to ask you. | ||
| You've done something interesting before we wrap this up. | ||
| You have experimented when Netflix was like at the leader of the pack where everybody wanted to do a Netflix special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, meh, maybe I'll test the waters other places. | |
| And you put them up on Amazon. | ||
| What was that experience like? | ||
| It was good. | ||
| I mean, I think that there is... | ||
| It's shifting. | ||
| Going along with, you know, when stand-up, you know, when we started, it was, you know, YouTube didn't exist. | ||
| The internet wasn't really a thing. | ||
| And so when I went to Amazon, and I also did one on-demand show, It was good. | ||
| But, like, there is also an audience. | ||
| It's like finding an audience for this thing. | ||
| I mean, I care about my special being seen. | ||
| And I think Netflix is great. | ||
| I already have five other specials there. | ||
| So it was also, you know, these specials, you're like harvesting crops. | ||
| So there's different markets. | ||
| And so Netflix is this huge monolith. | ||
| They have such an appreciation for comedy, which I think is a reflection of Ted. | ||
| So they get it. | ||
| But there is part of me, it's like in three years, who knows? | ||
| We might be sitting here and there might be some other outlet. | ||
| But yeah, it was a great experience. | ||
| But I also like the fact that I'm coming to Netflix and It's been a couple years, so I'm kind of new. | ||
| You know, like new is pretty important in the entertainment industry. | ||
| We all looked at you doing that like you were jumping onto a new ice shelf. | ||
| Like, look at them go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at them out there. | ||
| I mean, Amazon, there were a lot of, I mean, there's a lot of people that saw it. | ||
| It was a big risk. | ||
| I mean, again, my kids are going to be fine. | ||
| Amazon Prime is still enormous. | ||
| Yeah, it's enormous. | ||
| It's huge in England. | ||
| Think about Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. | ||
| There's been hit shows on there. | ||
| Huge in Germany, huge in India. | ||
| But I think stand-up for the English-speaking world, I think there's not much that can compete with Netflix. | ||
| No, it's the king. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the top of the food chain. | ||
| Alright, Jim Gaffigan, you're the shit. | ||
| Appreciate you very much. | ||
| Always fun to hang out with you. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| We should do this more often. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| That's it. |
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