Nov. 12, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:39:21
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Why is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When you say turn my shit up, the engineers and the producers feel like, oh shit, this nigga just turned this shit up. | ||
| He's about to go in. | ||
| It gives you the impression that you're about to spit the hottest 16 of your life. | ||
| What does 16 mean? | ||
| 16 bars in a song. | ||
| You don't know this? | ||
| No. | ||
| So nobody's ever come up to you and say, let me get your 16, spit a hot 16. Nobody's ever said that to you? | ||
| Never in my life have I heard that expression. | ||
| You need to change the places you hang out, son. | ||
| For real, man. | ||
| I mean, I'm not trying. | ||
| I'm just saying, because I'm pretty sure there are places you would have... | ||
| All the people, all the black people you know, all the rappers, and nobody... | ||
| Nobody's asked me to rap. | ||
| Nobody's ever asked you to spit? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, never. | ||
| I've never spit. | ||
| Have you ever practiced? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| Don't lie, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
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Never. | |
| I'm not lying. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, bro. | |
| No. | ||
| You don't have... | ||
| I don't have any time. | ||
| You don't... | ||
| Is that time for black people or time for rap? | ||
|
unidentified
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Pfft. | |
| Time for me to rap. | ||
|
unidentified
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I like listening, but I've done zero rapping myself. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| People got little slick ways of saying stuff, man. | ||
| No, I don't have any time to be rapping. | ||
| I limit what I try to do. | ||
| Okay, you don't have time for rap. | ||
| I don't have time to do it. | ||
| I like listening. | ||
| Okay, this is the point I'm making about spitting. | ||
| If you listen to it, there's probably a song that you like. | ||
| And there's never been a time in your life, you've been in the mirror, out of the shower, that it felt good to you, and you tried to... | ||
| Spitting is the same as repeating everything that the person said. | ||
| So not one song that you like, you've never tried to sing a verse or a hook from that song. | ||
| I've definitely done that. | ||
| But no one's ever asked me to spit. | ||
| So, if I ask you, What's your favorite rap song? | ||
| Could you spit it? | ||
| Would you be able to spit it? | ||
| I would have to think about it. | ||
| My favorite? | ||
| What would my favorite be? | ||
| I like old school shit. | ||
| I like a lot of cool G rap. | ||
| I like old shit. | ||
| So you're going back almost to Sugar Hill days. | ||
|
unidentified
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You remember Sugar Hill? | |
| Well, not quite that far. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Hip hop. | ||
| You knew that motherfucker? | ||
| You're spitting, son! | ||
| Yeah, I'm spitting! | ||
| You're spitting, but don't spit for nobody in public, son. | ||
| Because you look too excited about it. | ||
|
unidentified
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You like, you hip-y-hop to the hippie to the hippity hip-hop. | |
| But if you remember that song, you remember when that song first came out, and I know I'm dating myself, you literally could get pussy if you knew every word to Rapper's Delight. | ||
| I remember I was in junior high school, and people were playing it in the lunchroom. | ||
| Not record players, but tape cassettes. | ||
| I remember thinking, wow, this is like a new kind of music. | ||
| It's a new kind of music. | ||
| Not only the way you had to learn it, it wasn't like now you can skip through the timeline to a song or whatever. | ||
| It was a cassette. | ||
| So it would play, then you had to rewind it back to that same spot and keep doing it. | ||
| You had to keep doing it until you learned all the words. | ||
| But cassette players were fairly recent back then. | ||
| So that was like when Sugar Hill came out was around the time cassette players were out where you could walk around and play the music. | ||
| You didn't need a record player. | ||
| You didn't have a record player. | ||
| And what people would do with those boombox, you would record your favorite music from the radio from your boombox. | ||
| So you would have a nice little tape. | ||
| You have a nice tape and you think it's like, oh, this shit is clear. | ||
| Then you hear somebody say, Tisha, get the fuck off the stove! | ||
| Because it was recording right in actual time. | ||
| Remember, a lot of them had two decks, so you could record other people's shit, too. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of black people that had the white dudes in the suburbs had the double decks. | ||
| The double deckers. | ||
| Yeah, we had to sing. | ||
| Double decks were nice, because you could get a friend, and he had a cassette, and you could copy that cassette. | ||
| And then we would copy them. | ||
| In D.C., that was really big with go-go music. | ||
| You know what go-go music is? | ||
| It's like African funk music. | ||
| Jazz, beat. | ||
| It's like a lot of percussions. | ||
| What's a good go-go music artist? | ||
| Rare Essence. | ||
| That's a band. | ||
| Trouble Funk is a band. | ||
| EU. I'm old school, so these were the biggest bands back then. | ||
| Then he had this band called the Junkyard Band. | ||
| You know, Junkyard Band, the way they started was they kind of like copied the Cosby. | ||
| You know the Cosby show? | ||
| We had the Backyard Band. | ||
| They was on radiators and stuff. | ||
| And these were guys who would just take buckets and cardboard and cowbells and woodblocks and just basically get a beat. | ||
| Sorry, did you ever listen to when the Brand New Heavies got together with a bunch of different rappers? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a very interesting album. | ||
| I think there's only one that they put out, but you could get it off of iTunes, I think. | ||
| But, like, Cool G Rap did one. | ||
| A bunch of other guys did one. | ||
| But they did, like, they rapped over, like, different kind of music. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And did it get popular? | ||
| It was pretty popular back in the 90s. | ||
| I think, what was it? | ||
| Was it Aerosmith and, um... | ||
| Run DMC? Run DMC? Yeah, that was a big moment. | ||
| That was some crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you knew for me being a black person, we knew rap was going to the next level. | ||
| We was like this. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yo, they fuck with new white boys now, right? | |
| Once you put that white boy vibe in there, man, that was the first time that had ever been done. | ||
| One of the things that we talked about recently, I was saying, think about the sheer number of white rappers who have actually made it. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's a tiny, tiny number. | |
| Like if you were a white rapper, like if your kid was a white rapper, and he's like, Dad, I want to be a rapper, you're like, oh, good luck. | ||
| Yeah, but you got to get him a lot of black friends first. | ||
| A lot of black friends. | ||
| Because they're going to beat his ass down. | ||
| Not physically, but mentally. | ||
| And that's the same thing the black community did with Eminem. | ||
| When Eminem first came out, every black person that appreciated rap or lyrics or flow knew he was good. | ||
| But they just wasn't going to give him a pass. | ||
| It's like when you go in the military. | ||
| They treat the new green person, the Jeep person, they treat them like shit. | ||
| And that's what they did with Eminem. | ||
| And Eminem just kept coming with fire. | ||
| Kept coming with fire to the point where... | ||
| He's respected as one of the best to ever do it. | ||
| By the way, happy Veterans Day. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| You are a veteran. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am. | |
| This is the funniest veteran probably on the planet Earth, right across from me. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| Probably the reason why I got out of the military was my sense of humor. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I kept getting in trouble. | ||
| I kept getting in trouble. | ||
| I kept getting in trouble to the point where this was what I used to hear almost every Monday. | ||
| Airman, and that was a position of attention. | ||
| Airman Rollins, your blatant disregard for established military policy shows a lack of military burn and integrity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Every day. | ||
| That's what they do when they give you a LOR. A letter of reprimand. | ||
| And it's like a thing that you put in your file. | ||
| Eventually, it's going to stack all those things up and try to kick you out. | ||
| But when I was in the military, I got out. | ||
| I didn't get out dishonorably. | ||
| The only way you can get out dishonorably is if it's like doing wartime or something like that. | ||
| I got an honorable discharge. | ||
| But I was that close to fucking my whole life up if I would have stayed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They was going to kick me out. | ||
| I just was on joke time all the time. | ||
| I was on Joketown. | ||
| When I left, I was stationed in Kunsan, Korea. | ||
| I left Kunsan, Korea, and I went to Bowling Air Force Base, Washington, D.C. And I'm from D.C., so they knew I was close to home. | ||
| And every Monday, they would give me a random drug test. | ||
| Every Monday. | ||
| They were like, every Monday at 11 o'clock, I would get randomly tested for drugs. | ||
| I always passed, but I knew that they thought something different in me, and I knew it was time. | ||
| I did my four-year commitment, my four-year enlistment, and then I broke out. | ||
| What was it like being in Korea? | ||
| For me, when I went in the Air Force, I was 17. You know, when you're underage, your parents have to sign, give you permission for you to go. | ||
| Why'd you go in so early? | ||
| Because the way my birthday fell, some kind of way, when I graduated from high school, I was only 17. And I didn't plan on... | ||
| I wasn't going to go to college. | ||
| I didn't really have a trade. | ||
| And then for a lot of black people, that's the alternative. | ||
| That's how you... | ||
| Explore the world. | ||
| It's probably for some black people, it's the first time you ever got on an airplane. | ||
| First time you've been off your block. | ||
| So it was a good transition from going to high school not doing anything. | ||
| But I was just, I was a little kid. | ||
| Like when I went to Kunsan, Korea, I didn't know there was no drinking age over there. | ||
| When you're in the military, over like a remote base, they give you rations for alcohol. | ||
| You can get four cases of beer or one case of beer is equivalent to a fifth of liquor. | ||
| So you can get four bottles of liquor or two bottles of liquor, two cases of beer. | ||
| But when they told me, how do you want to separate your rations? | ||
| I said, I'm too young to drink. | ||
| This ain't no drinking age over here. | ||
| First time I ever went to a liquor store on base, I got like four-fifths of tequila mix. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And you were 17? | ||
| I was 17. I got four because I thought I didn't know what the fuck liquor was in. | ||
| I had four. | ||
| They was like, you want to get any alcohol? | ||
| I was like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| It was just the fucking fruit flavor shit that you add to it to mix it with. | ||
| That's how young I was. | ||
| And I was only... | ||
| When you get this ration of a case of beer or... | ||
| A month. | ||
| A month? | ||
| Oh, it's a month. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| So 24 beers a month you get. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But then people will hustle shit. | ||
| It'll be like this. | ||
| All right, I'll give you a case of beer. | ||
| It was almost like being in jail. | ||
| I'll give you a case of beer for a carton of cigarettes. | ||
| And then people that didn't drink, they were selling rations. | ||
| So it was a way... | ||
| If you really had a problem, there was a way to get around it. | ||
| I was scared of the military when I was a kid. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I thought, well, first of all, I was thinking about joining because I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. | ||
| But you were thinking about joining to actually fight for your country or just... | ||
| No, there was no war right back then. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there was, they had a Taekwondo team. | ||
| You was going to join just to be on Taekwondo team? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I needed to figure out a way to make a living while I was competing. | ||
| When I was a kid, throughout high school and into my 20s, that's all I did was fight in Taekwondo tournaments. | ||
| It was my whole life. | ||
| There was a dude named Clay Barber. | ||
| He was a national, high-level, highly-ranked guy. | ||
| He was like two or three in the world, two or three in the country. | ||
| And he was an Army guy. | ||
| He had a job in the Army, and he was on the Army Taekwondo team. | ||
| The Army had a team. | ||
| And I remember thinking, oh, well, maybe that's the move. | ||
| To join? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Especially if they knew you were nice because that's what they did with – I mean, that was the case with some guys that couldn't pursue an NBA career. | ||
| If they knew you were extra talent in a certain field, they would put you in. | ||
| You wouldn't have to do the normal stuff. | ||
| You would have been traveling the world just beating the shit out of people. | ||
| Yeah, well, you remember Ray Mercer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ray Mercer started in the Army. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah, that's when he won a gold medal. | ||
| I believe he was in the Army just before that, before he won the gold medal. | ||
| Which heavyweight fighter joined the army after he... | ||
| Was it Riddick Bowe? | ||
| Riddick Bowe joined the Marines because he was trying to get some discipline. | ||
| Man, that was the dumbest... | ||
| He was struggling. | ||
| Look, man, there's a reality about getting hit in the head. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And nobody wants to talk about it until it's too late most of the time. | ||
| But to get hit into a branch of service. | ||
| You start making bad decisions. | ||
| And for him, he decided that he needed discipline because Riddick, he used to blow up. | ||
| And he had a problem with discipline. | ||
| He had a problem with conditioning. | ||
| When he'd get in condition, when he'd be disciplined, he was a motherfucker like those Holyfield fights. | ||
| But then he would have fights where he just came in and he was just not in quite good enough shape and he would fall apart because of that. | ||
| And I think he had decided the way to get real discipline was to join the Marines. | ||
| That's interesting to me because I'm pretty sure when he joined, he wasn't like probably a press for cash. | ||
| I don't think it was a press for cash thing, man. | ||
| I think he wanted discipline. | ||
| He just wanted to figure out how to, maybe he felt like if they just whipped him into shape, he would get past that hump. | ||
| Because when you're a guy who's a multi-millionaire and you're a world champion and you're still lazy... | ||
| You're like, fuck, man, what do I have to do? | ||
| Let a white man yell at you for like two miles. | ||
| Well, black man, you know, there's a lot of black drill and stuff. | ||
| That would have been so fucking fucked up. | ||
| Riddick Bowe is in your squadron or whatever, and you yelling at him, and you know this one punch, this motherfucker just kill your ass, man. | ||
| I'm saying like it's always got to be something separate like this guy can yell at me so much but there's nothing he can do about it and Riddick probably could have fucked up half the people that he was enlisted with. | ||
| 100% of the people, not even half. | ||
| Did it change anything? | ||
| No, he quit. | ||
| He got out quick. | ||
| They let him go. | ||
| I mean he was only in for a short period of time. | ||
| But like I said, I think a lot of that has to do with just trauma, brain trauma. | ||
| You make terrible decisions. | ||
| It's a big factor, man. | ||
| It's a big factor. | ||
| And if you listen to Riddick now, he has a real hard time talking. | ||
| It's real rough to hear. | ||
| There's so many of those boxers when they get out of the ring. | ||
| I think Sugar Ray Leonard, out of all the ones that's still out publicly and doing things, he's probably one that I can listen to and you can understand. | ||
| It'll seem like his faculties are off too much. | ||
| Not too much, but somewhat. | ||
| He's definitely struggling. | ||
| You could hear him. | ||
| There's a pause to the way he talks that is noticeable. | ||
| He can keep it together and he can string together good sentences, but you don't get over those wars that he had with... | ||
| Roberto Duran and Tommy Hearns and Marvin Hagler that was the welterweight division right that division at that time was so fire and then Sugar Ray people fucking hated him so much because he was so pretty yeah he was so nice looking you know what I'm saying beautiful I just want to put a scar in his motherfuckers face that's how Duran felt about him Yeah, he'll beat your ass and take your girl in the same fucking fight, man. | ||
| He was so good, too. | ||
| He was so fun to watch. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| But then he's like another one who stuck around too long. | ||
| Hector Camacho stopped him, and Terry Norris stopped him. | ||
| And later in his career, man, he was getting fucked up. | ||
| It just was wrong. | ||
| He shouldn't have been fighting. | ||
| It seems like when I look at boxing and stuff like that, and people can have an unblemished record, but I feel like they'll never quit until... | ||
| It's almost like you got to get knocked out the ring or somebody have to give you the reason to quit. | ||
| Well, Andre Ward did, you know, and I was just talking to him real recently because they offered him a rematch with Canelo Alvarez because Canelo just knocked out Sergey Kovalev for the light heavyweight title. | ||
| And they said, look, this is a big super fight. | ||
| Andre Ward should come out of retirement. | ||
| He's still in his prime. | ||
| He's only 35 years old. | ||
| He's like, no thank you. | ||
| No thank you. | ||
| 100% undefeated. | ||
| Olympic gold medalist. | ||
| Two-division world champion. | ||
| He said, I'm good. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| No, he's like, I have money, I have a family. | ||
| And this is his wise words. | ||
| He said, I'm a better asset to boxing if I'm retired. | ||
| I'm a better asset to boxing as an example of what's possible that you can do all this and come out with 100% of your faculties intact. | ||
| You talk to that guy, he's 100% there. | ||
| And he's making money as a commentator and analyst. | ||
| He's got a great career. | ||
| He made money. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I want to lose my brain. | ||
| And everybody's different ways to do. | ||
| The interesting thing to me, as vicious and notorious as Mike Tyson used to be and probably still is, it's just something that makes me feel good knowing that this motherfucker is funny. | ||
| And I know this may sound crazy, but he's like a lovable Mike. | ||
| Yes, very lovable. | ||
| You know, like lovable. | ||
| And high as a kite, all day long. | ||
| Well, that would make you lovable. | ||
| Well, that's what he said. | ||
| It makes him a better person. | ||
| Like we talked about it. | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| He was like, I think it makes me a better person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It does, man. | ||
| He's nice. | ||
| He's a nice guy to be around. | ||
| Somebody just posted, it came back, that interview when he was promoting his one-man show, and he was sitting down on the couch with this black guy, and the black guy was trying to push him into a corner and say some crazy shit. | ||
| Man, I had so much fucking respect for Mike Tyson for doing that because people always use the excuse, I'm the media. | ||
| No, this is the question the people want to know. | ||
| That's not the questions people want to know. | ||
| That's the questions you want to know. | ||
| And that's the shit you want to say to provoke somebody to turn into a motherfucking beast. | ||
| Well, he didn't even want to promote them. | ||
| He wanted to make them feel bad. | ||
| Yeah, make them feel bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm pretty sure you don't go, like, your PR person, we're going to go in here, we're trying to promote this, nothing, that. | ||
| Somebody put him up to it. | ||
| But when he just looked at him and said, like, you're a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he realized he's, like, six feet away from one of the baddest motherfuckers that's ever lived. | ||
| Man, I started shaking because I was like, where is the tape? | ||
| Of what happened after that shit, man. | ||
| Well, listen, that is what it is. | ||
| That guy was a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, that was nasty. | ||
| He tried to fuck with him on TV, corner him, and have a gotcha moment. | ||
| And then he tried to flip it and go back to it, and Mike was like, no, I'm already pissed. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You are a piece of shit. | ||
| Shout out to Mike Tyson for that. | ||
| Identifying a piece of shit and distinguishing it. | ||
| Imagine being him and sitting across from that guy and the guy's all friendly with you up until that moment. | ||
| And then when the lights are on and the camera's going, then he pulls that shit on you. | ||
| A lot of people don't know what to do there. | ||
| He knew what to do. | ||
| He went real on them. | ||
| I mean, he probably felt that... | ||
| It could come up, but like, maybe even like, yo, you're a brother, don't do it to me, you know? | ||
| What was he promoting back then? | ||
| That was promoting the one-man show? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| It was the one-man show, yeah. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Undisputed. | ||
| Undisputed, yeah. | ||
| And that was a good show. | ||
| I watched it on, I think it was HBO Showtime. | ||
| Well, I watched the documentary. | ||
| The documentary is incredible. | ||
| The documentary is incredible. | ||
| Yeah, but it's just so good to know that, like, from having as much fame and fortune as he had, and basically to start over and reinvent yourself, and, I mean, I guess he's going to be this generation is how George Foreman was. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, George Foreman reinvented himself while he was fucking people up, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| George Foreman came back, a preacher. | ||
| I remember when he came back, he was 36 years old. | ||
| He had a big belly. | ||
| He was huge. | ||
| He was like 300 pounds. | ||
| And people thought it was a joke. | ||
| They're like, this comeback's a joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Meanwhile, he kept losing weight, kept beating people up, kept losing weight. | ||
| And then when he fucked up Jerry Cooney, everybody was like, hey, What the fuck happened? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| He is legit. | ||
| But he still looked like a fucking regular dude. | ||
| Nah, not quite. | ||
| I mean, he never... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was round. | |
| He had like a barrel chest, but he had these giant fucking arms. | ||
| And that dude has canned hams for fists. | ||
| He has some of the biggest fists you've ever seen. | ||
| Looks like he swing axes and shit. | ||
| Oh, he does. | ||
| He did swing axes. | ||
| And all of his kids' name are George. | ||
| Even his daughter! | ||
| He called his daughter like Georgina, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's crazy. | |
| He did really good. | ||
| Who doesn't have a goddamn George Foreman grill? | ||
| That's a great grill. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| When you're like a single guy and you need to cook something quick. | ||
| College. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Military. | |
| Cooks top and bottom. | ||
| Chicken cutlets. | ||
| And you get grill marks. | ||
| Women are impressed. | ||
| It don't matter if you fucking live in a 100 square foot dorm room. | ||
| If you got grill marks. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| You're a fancy motherfucker. | ||
| You got grill marks? | ||
| This motherfucker is gourmet. | ||
| Gourmet grill marks. | ||
| It's a good way to cook. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| It's easy too and it's clean. | ||
| Do you do elk? | ||
| George Foreman grill? | ||
| That's like sacrilege. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really was expecting just a slice of Of some elk. | ||
| Dude, you gotta come over. | ||
| Come over and I'll cook some at my house. | ||
| I wanna do it. | ||
| I would be happy to cook for you. | ||
| I'm a good cook. | ||
| I know you're a good cook too. | ||
| No, don't. | ||
| That's not what you know because you talked shit to me one time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| I was told you're a good cook. | ||
| I didn't talk shit. | ||
| No, yes, you did, Joe. | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| I said, I said, I want a piece of elk. | ||
| I think this is what I said. | ||
| You said, well, you know, for a new guy, this is the best way to do it for your first time and if you're new to cooking. | ||
| You said some shit like that. | ||
| Well, if you're new to cooking wild game, it's different. | ||
| There's no fat in it. | ||
| It dries out really quick. | ||
| You've got to cook it low and slow. | ||
| You can't cook it like you cook a beef steak. | ||
| I can cook it the way I want to cook it. | ||
| I'm sure you could. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know you can cook now. | ||
| I mean, the way you do it... | ||
| You got very offended, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did get offended. | |
| When I was saying that you haven't cooked elk before. | ||
| I wasn't saying you never cooked before. | ||
| I have no knowledge of whether or not you know how to cook. | ||
| All right, so give me a piece of elk. | ||
| I got a hundred pieces back there. | ||
| You tell me... | ||
| I got everything for you. | ||
| All right, give me a piece of elk, and I'm going to do my elk magic to it, and I'm going to let you know. | ||
| That's without you telling me how you got to cook it slow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And if I want to do that, I could use... | ||
| I could do it the... | ||
| What is that thing? | ||
| The ceviche? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sous vide. | ||
| The sous vide. | ||
| That fly shit. | ||
| Oh, that's a great way to cook. | ||
| See? | ||
| Now I'm on a different level, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I do that. | ||
| I do sous vide. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It feels like you're doing some type of science project. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| You know, you got to have the temperature right, make sure the app is right, and then you see this big-ass bucket of water, and then you keep putting your finger in it like, it don't feel like it's hot enough to cook this shit. | ||
| And the weird thing is you're cooking in a plastic bag. | ||
| That feels fucked up, too. | ||
| Yeah, it almost feels like you're like a dope dealer doing that shit, man. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| You've got to have a food processor. | ||
| Not a food processor, but you have a food saver. | ||
| And you've got to have a thermometer, and you've got to do it. | ||
| It takes time. | ||
| But it's kind of fun. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| You know, you can cook a steak for like five hours at 130 degrees. | ||
| God damn, that thing will just melt in your mouth. | ||
| It's good for eggs, too. | ||
| It's good for everything. | ||
| Sous vide is great. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But you gotta be in that sous vide mode because after a while you're like, man, fuck this, man. | ||
| Do you blowtorch the outside? | ||
| How do you finish it? | ||
| When you take a seat, do you braise it in a skillet? | ||
| On a skillet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you still gotta get that crisp, but the texture and everything's good. | ||
| And I would think that would be something really, really good for wild game. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| So we're on the same page. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| A lot of people use it. | ||
| Have you ever cooked any wild game before? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Wild pig is great that way too, sous vide, or barbecue. | ||
| So what's the big difference? | ||
| What's the noticeable difference, the taste of it or the texture of it? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| The taste, the texture. | ||
| It's a firmer meat. | ||
| The texture is like an athlete. | ||
| I mean, you're eating like a fucking thing that can run up hills. | ||
| It's just so different than a cow. | ||
| Cows are just sitting around eating. | ||
| They don't use those muscles very much, and so that's why it's all mushy and tender. | ||
| So it's tough. | ||
| It's more tough, but it's not too tough, especially like I'll give you good cuts like a tri-tip is nice, you know, or a backstrap is the best. | ||
| So it'd be good for roasting, too. | ||
| That's what I think I'm going to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I got some roast back there. | ||
| Yeah, I roasted it like 250 degrees, then I sear it on the outside after it's done. | ||
| See, you got to keep telling me your process, bro. | ||
| You can do whatever you want. | ||
| I want to do my process. | ||
| Just telling you what I do. | ||
| All right, I might take... | ||
| It's not a competition, man. | ||
| It's always a competition. | ||
| It's always good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the most competitive people always say. | |
| The most competitive people always say, yo, yo. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| Dude, I'm not in the competition with you. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| But I've been training for eight months to not be in the competition with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| Everything is competition. | ||
| Healthy competition, then you got fucked up competition. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| There's two guns. | ||
| You know who was a really good cook? | ||
| Ralphie Mae. | ||
| That motherfucker could cook. | ||
| But he went through a stomach stapling operation and he couldn't eat meat for a while. | ||
| I think he just blew through the staples after a while. | ||
| He just gave up. | ||
| Yo, that's so fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did. | |
| He did a couple times. | ||
| Blew through the staples? | ||
| Yeah, they had to redo it. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Yeah, Ralphie liked to eat. | ||
| I wonder what sandwich he was eating to make you. | ||
| That's a Subway footlong. | ||
| I know. | ||
| After you get past the 8 inches, you blew past the staples at 12 inches. | ||
| Like whenever a famous person dies from Coke, they're like, oh, this is the Coke that killed that dude. | ||
| Who was that dude that played for the Celtics? | ||
| Who's the dude who played for the Celtics who died of a heart attack? | ||
| Lenny Bias? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I remember everybody was like, this is the shit that killed Len Bias. | ||
| People wanted to sell it to you. | ||
| They was calling shit the Bias. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| That was such a tragic story because I'm from the D.C. area. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| A local guy. | ||
| And then especially like when somebody, especially in the black community, if you got generation to generations of projects and welfare and everything, if one person busts through, it's like a whole bunch of motherfuckers. | ||
| And it's unfortunate sometimes because that's kind of the downfall for a lot of people's finances. | ||
| But you feel like I got the whole family and everybody gets excited. | ||
| And for him not even to ever play a game, that's just awful, man. | ||
| Well, there's so many people dropping dead now from fentanyl. | ||
| That's a white person drug. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Prince died of it. | ||
| Oh, so that's one of those doctors prescribed drugs. | ||
| So it's a white person drug. | ||
| It's pain medication. | ||
| Prince had hip issues from all the dancing. | ||
| But Tom Petty died from it. | ||
| I think David Bowie died from it. | ||
| Didn't he die from it, too? | ||
| Did David Bowie die from fentanyl? | ||
| It kills a shitload of people. | ||
| A lot of times they get it in something else and they don't know. | ||
| They get it in Mali or they get it in Coke. | ||
| Like Artie Lang was telling me that he accidentally had it in Coke and he didn't even know it until he took Suboxone and he was sick for like a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't really know too much about those. | |
| He had cancer? | ||
| Why did I think he had a... | ||
| He definitely didn't die from a drug? | ||
| Peacefully after an 18-month battle with cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Maybe I'm confusing him with somebody else. | ||
| Must be. | ||
| George Michael, maybe? | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| But that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know too much about fentanyls and Oxycontins and all that type of shit. | ||
| That's like soccer mom drugs. | ||
| Well, those are painkillers. | ||
| It's like a lot of times people start off, they get a back injury. | ||
| You know, you get hurt on the job or go lifting weights or something like that. | ||
| You pull your back out and you're like, ah! | ||
| The doctor hooks you up with some Oxycontin and you can't get off that shit. | ||
| The only time I did it, I had surgery on my knee. | ||
| I tore my patella, trying to dunk on an eight-foot basketball rim, trying to impress some kids. | ||
| And you know, I was like, oh man, I'm not taking no painkillers. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I'll just have a wooden spoon in my mouth. | ||
| I'm a man up. | ||
| Man, I laid down that first fucking night and that fucking blood started hitting that wound. | ||
| I was screaming for that Oxycontin. | ||
| I took that shit. | ||
| I was blanked. | ||
| I could finally realize the lyrics in most of these trap songs when I was high off that shit. | ||
| So I'm like, this is what designer was saying all this time. | ||
| I got room in the Fanda, Panda, Panda. | ||
| I was like, this shit is crazy. | ||
| I can't see how people... | ||
| I mean, I can't see because I've never been addicted to anything like that, but it's just weird to see people that want to be in that state of mind all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I think a lot of the people were sexually abused or physically abused. | ||
| There's a thing about heroin, they say. | ||
| I've never tried it, but... | ||
| I've done morphine when I had knee surgery. | ||
| They gave me a drip while I was in the hospital. | ||
| A little button you press anytime you want. | ||
| You hit it. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it was instant as soon as you felt the pain? | |
| Yeah, you just hit it. | ||
| Bang. | ||
| It would give you a little drip of morphine. | ||
| Anytime you want it. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| You could hit it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dang. | |
| But I think for a lot of people that get addicted to it, at least as it's been explained to me, a lot of them are suffering from physical abuse, sexual abuse, and there's a thing about morphine or heroin that gives you like a womb feeling like you're protected, you're safe, everything's okay. | ||
| It's like a hug. | ||
| That's what they say. | ||
| Well, they say heroin is supposed to make you feel like that. | ||
| Yeah, like a hug. | ||
| Like the world's hugging. | ||
| I played a heroin addict on HBO's The Corner years ago. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| And I was trying to figure out, like, how do I get my mind set to be high? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I was like, what could they... | ||
| Because you see those heroin addicts. | ||
| They lean and they nod and they come back up. | ||
| I'm like, what could they possibly be thinking about to take them into this world? | ||
| And the way I relate to it, I was like, they're probably thinking about, it takes them to a place when they were feeling younger. | ||
| It just takes them away from the real world and just feel like zombies stay just floating. | ||
| Yeah, just floating like that umbilical cord, fluid, embryonic fluid just in the womb. | ||
| With no thought, but that's a tragic joke. | ||
| It is tragic. | ||
| Well, sometimes people just feel so overwhelmed by life, so overwhelmed by pressure and stress and bills and relationships and jobs and this and that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We just need an escape. | ||
| Everybody needs an escape. | ||
| Everybody has problems. | ||
| The biggest thing now, people talking about, the biggest thing in the news everywhere is mental illness. | ||
| Mental health is real. | ||
| It's been there forever, but people just cope with it different. | ||
| I know in my community, and they say black people especially don't address mental issues. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like a black person, they have a problem. | ||
| They go, well, I just need a shot at ass. | ||
| I need to smoke a joint. | ||
| I need to do a line or something. | ||
| But everybody has mental issues, but how do we cope with it? | ||
| People have different coping mechanisms. | ||
| There's no way you're going to get through this life without some mental struggle. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| No way. | ||
| It's not possible, because if you just sit around and do nothing, you'll be filled with angst. | ||
| It can't do that just because of the world. | ||
| There's just so much shit going on. | ||
| There's too much shit going on. | ||
| Everybody's got struggles. | ||
| There's no way around it. | ||
| No way around it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the person that don't have struggle, them motherfuckers are probably that close to being suicidal. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| People that hide it are the ones that go first. | ||
| I think a strong community is important. | ||
| You know, like having a lot of people around you that you love. | ||
| You know, family, friends. | ||
| Like that's important too. | ||
| People that you can talk to. | ||
| Like when you feel loved. | ||
| I think one of the real problems with people that just doesn't feel fixable is when they feel alone. | ||
| They feel alienated. | ||
| Like them by themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| They don't feel like they're in a group. | ||
| They don't feel like they're in a community. | ||
| They just feel like nobody gives a fuck about them whether they live or die. | ||
| And that's one of the saddest feelings I think you could have. | ||
| How could you make somebody feel like that? | ||
| That's just awful to make somebody... | ||
| But then those same people probably have... | ||
| Don't have that one person that they can confide in. | ||
| That one person is not going to bullshit them. | ||
| The one person doesn't want anything. | ||
| If you don't have anyone in your life, you don't have anybody that's telling you the truth or lying. | ||
| And there's a lot of people out there that are real lonely that only exist on the internet. | ||
| The internet is the most fabricated, lonely place in the world. | ||
| And it's interesting because it's like... | ||
| Like, especially what we do is, like, you feel like you need it. | ||
| But then after a while, this shit is just so fucking overwhelming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's so easy for a person to carve out the perfect life. | ||
| People will tell you, like, oh, my God, I thought you was having so much fun on vacation, this and that. | ||
| You know how fucking many takes it takes to get that perfect picture? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To show everybody that your life is the fucking bomb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just not an accurate representative of anybody's life. | ||
| And that's where everybody wants to show their lives. | ||
| I said, you tell average chick, right? | ||
| I won't say on the street, but this is an average woman. | ||
| If you tell them that I want to take you on a vacation, anywhere in the world you want to go, But you can't bring a phone. | ||
| You know what half of the motherfuckers would say? | ||
| Let me think about that. | ||
| Because nobody wants to have a memory and share memory just from the memory they have. | ||
| It's like they want it to get validated. | ||
| They want people to get the thumbs up and everything. | ||
| Even with your shows, it's so weird. | ||
| When I first started doing those shows where they lock your phones up, I was like the first comic going on stage. | ||
| And the first comic going on stage in front of a room with everybody's phones locked up, they get in the heat. | ||
| Because people are like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| I've seen people trying to bite them shits open. | ||
| I've seen people cut them motherfuckers open. | ||
| I've seen motherfuckers answer, answer, try to answer the phone. | ||
| Through the paper? | ||
| Through the paper. | ||
| And it feels weird at the beginning, but then after a while, it gets to a point where it feels kind of cool. | ||
| It's like you feel like you're in the moment. | ||
| You're connected. | ||
| You're connected. | ||
| Who the fuck wants to watch the show? | ||
| How can you enjoy a show like this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people doing that, too. | ||
| You know, I realized it when I went to Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| They were the first place I ever went to that locked up phones. | ||
| Now the improv does it. | ||
| They do it every show. | ||
| It's the way to do it, man. | ||
| You know, I wish people would just put their phones away, but they don't want to. | ||
| They want to. | ||
| Everything... | ||
| Everything has to be recorded and everything. | ||
| You gotta always show people what you're doing every second. | ||
| Well, they want to see a picture. | ||
| Look, I got a picture. | ||
| It's Donnell. | ||
| Look, he's on stage right now. | ||
| I want to see somebody with an Instagram that looks at your fucked up life. | ||
| See how many likes you get for your life being fucked up. | ||
| Holding your socks. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| All the type of shit. | ||
| Bologna and cheese sandwiches for dinner and shit. | ||
| The real shit on the carpet again. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Not the fucking, oh my god, best life, yacht life, living my best life. | ||
| Yeah, but it's that thrill of showing everybody that you're killing it. | ||
| That's why a lot of people try to do well. | ||
| They try to do well to show people they're doing well. | ||
| Oh yeah, everything is for the gram. | ||
| It's very weird, man. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| But then, on the other side of it, you want people to see you doing good things. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because people want to follow your momentum, and people want to ride with your journey. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| That's true. | ||
| And there's not too many of us, like, you probably, there's not too many people that are like, Like, can live a social media free life and still make money doing entertainment. | ||
| It's real hard. | ||
| Dave does it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's one of the only people that I know that does it. | ||
| But he's so intelligent about that kind of shit. | ||
| He doesn't engage in that. | ||
| He doesn't engage in other people's opinions of him. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He use my phone. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not on... | ||
| He don't use his phone. | ||
| He ain't gonna dirty his phone now. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Anything social media, whatever, he wanted to see through my phone and shit. | ||
| He checks it out through you. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And the motherfucker's addicted to Worldstar. | ||
| Is he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yo, we be on the road, man. | ||
| We be on the road. | ||
| And all you see is this motherfucker. | ||
| And it's always some shit. | ||
| Somebody getting ran over by a car or some shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, oh, goddamn, Worldstar. | |
| He's on Worldstar Hardest shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| But anything that's dealing with pop culture and stuff like that, I'm usually like the guy that brings him into it. | ||
| Does he just keep no apps on his phone? | ||
| I don't think he has an app. | ||
| Good for him, man. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| I lost a phone the other day, man. | ||
| And I was saying to myself, I was freaking out, because you know if you lose a fucking phone, the minute you do the pocket check, you do like all four pockets, and the first thing you say is, fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the worst thing is a person that's going, when you're going out with a group of people, and a person losing a phone just ruined the whole fucking night. | ||
| Yeah, because then you got to go fucking search for it, turn around, go back. | ||
| Be quiet. | ||
| Call my phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Call my phone. | ||
| Could y'all be quiet? | ||
| Could y'all call my phone? | ||
| Could y'all call? | ||
| And I told myself, I was like, fuck, because I got the... | ||
| iCloud and shit now, so it's not as fucking tragic as it used to be. | ||
| Like, if you lose your phone, you're losing pictures of your kid being born and all this stuff. | ||
| And I lost the phone, and I was like, fuck, I just lost one like four months ago. | ||
| I lost the fucking phone, and I was like, you know what, Donnie? | ||
| You can't let your phone fucking regulate your life like that. | ||
| You're a person beyond that phone. | ||
| I went to sleep, right? | ||
| And sleep was so peaceful. | ||
| And I woke up, and the first thing I wanted to know was what time it was, right? | ||
| And I didn't even think to look at a watch or anything. | ||
| I was like, where the fuck is my phone? | ||
| And I went right back and got a phone. | ||
| I did 10 hours without a phone. | ||
| I was about to go crazy. | ||
| I was like, how do people fucking do this? | ||
| How do you find out directions? | ||
| Ari Shafir went without a phone for four months. | ||
| It was a reality show? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, it was his own reality show. | ||
| He just decided to go to Asia. | ||
| He traveled all around Asia. | ||
| He went to Vietnam. | ||
| Yeah, but he was already loaded. | ||
| Yeah, he had money. | ||
| Yeah, you just don't have a minimum wage job and just leave your phone for four months. | ||
| No. | ||
| You kind of can't now. | ||
| But what's crazy is this is a real recent thing. | ||
| Smartphones are only since 2000 and what, Jamie? | ||
| 2007 was the iPhone? | ||
| I think so, right? | ||
| Because iPhone X is 10 years. | ||
| That was two years ago. | ||
| So 2007 was the iPhone. | ||
| Before that, it was like flip phones and not everybody had them. | ||
| And then 10 years before that, nobody had them. | ||
| 1997, nobody had them. | ||
| It was a way for everybody. | ||
| Because we look at it as a phone, but nobody uses it for the phone feature. | ||
| No. | ||
| Unless you're old. | ||
| Only people who leave voice messages are people over 45. Joey Diaz calls you. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| He's over 45. He likes to call, but he likes to talk. | ||
| He goes, I'm insecure. | ||
| He goes, I want to know what the fuck your voice sounds like. | ||
| He goes, I want to call you. | ||
| I want to hear your heart. | ||
| I want to know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| He knows somebody might hack your shit, but Joey Diaz is probably the only person that... | ||
| Leaves voice message when I talk on the phone. | ||
| I don't think he leaves voicemail. | ||
| He'll leave me a text message. | ||
| Call me back, cocksucker. | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| The other night, we were at the store. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| You know how you get in your little zone at the comedy store, like, who's next, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was so funny because I was up next, and Joy was like, who's next? | ||
| They were like, Donnell and Joy. | ||
| They were like, oh, shit. | ||
| This motherfucker's funny and shit. | ||
| He's got a special coming out on Netflix, Degenerates. | ||
| He's a funny motherfucker. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's a good fucking friend of mine. | ||
| Give it up for Rondell Darlings, right? | ||
| I was like, that was the most clever way to call me the N-word I've ever heard, man. | ||
| And it was so funny. | ||
| And I know he didn't do it on purpose. | ||
| It just happens. | ||
| Joey Diaz fucked everybody's name up. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| It's half of his charm. | ||
| And then the next day he DMed. | ||
| He said, yo, D, I'm sorry. | ||
| No disrespect about that. | ||
| I was like, man, this shit was funny. | ||
| He gave me a funny joke. | ||
| And I was fucking Anquan Fanwar. | ||
| What's the dude's name? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Fanwar Anwar? | ||
| Anwar? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I told Joey. | ||
| I said I've been fucking his name up for a year and a half. | ||
| So we're even, bro. | ||
| I can't say Fahim Namwa or whatever for nothing. | ||
| He calls UFC lightweight champion Khabib Nurmagomedov. | ||
| He calls him Kalabeeb. | ||
| That sounds close. | ||
| He calls him Kalabeeb. | ||
| That's close, but he reverse all my shit. | ||
| He fucks everybody's name up. | ||
| Rondell Dawlings. | ||
| What other names does he fuck up? | ||
| He fucks everybody's name up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Steep Bokit, Steep BAC. Yeah, Steep Bic. | |
| He calls Stipe Miocic Stiopic. | ||
| You gotta love it. | ||
| And then this is after he just fucking dismantled the room and shit. | ||
| Now like, I mean, how the fuck am I getting to my next joke? | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I can just segue that right into my shit. | ||
| He's a national treasure. | ||
| There's nobody like that guy. | ||
| There's nobody like him and there'll never be anybody. | ||
| No. | ||
| You got certain people that, you know, and I'm not wishing bad anything on Joe, but that just live forever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You'll hear stories for them forever. | ||
| And then you'll have stories, especially this is what I respect. | ||
| You know, as long as you have people that have been doing comedy for years and years, right? | ||
| But a lot of them don't. | ||
| Stay sharp. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| They don't do spots. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| The only time they come out is like, okay, I talked to my accountant. | ||
| It's time to go out and make a couple million and get it, but they're not out there. | ||
| And that's one of the things that I really respect about him is that you see somebody that's been ripping, not like a year, their whole career. | ||
| And still you could feel the passion. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You could feel, you know, you know, comics are going and I call them money comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As soon as they go and they look at it, they watch. | ||
| Okay, I get the light at 40. | ||
| Give me a quicker light. | ||
| Let me get my money to get out of here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then you can tell people that really still enjoy the engagement of the audience, the response they get. | ||
| They enjoy getting better. | ||
| They enjoy ripping the stage up for the next person to have to rip the stage up. | ||
| They really enjoy the skill set and what it takes to be a great stand. | ||
| Joey is one of the people that... | ||
| You know how some people, you can just watch them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Even if you know something you heard is going to come on, it's going to be something, some nuance that they do to make it different from the last time. | ||
| Well, what Joey does, too, is he gets in the pit. | ||
| He gets in there with 15 comics on a Tuesday night. | ||
| That's big, man. | ||
| Those spots are big when it's you doing 15 and another dude doing 15. And no one's there to see you. | ||
| They're there to see the whole show. | ||
| And you're there working with guys like you, guys like Chris D'Elia, guys like whoever that's just jammed up with talented comics. | ||
| But that's what makes... | ||
| That's what makes motherfuckers funny. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Motherfuckers, you see a group of whack comics, like birds of a feather flock together. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You only learn it. | ||
| If you're around a whack comic all the time, you never test it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Do you ever see those nights when people, everybody is bombing? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Everybody's bombing. | ||
| It's so bad that motherfuckers have bomb material ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| They just need to get into the bomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, they just need one. | ||
| All they need is one like, oh, here's my bomb. | ||
| But they don't, motherfuckers don't go hard. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They don't go hard anymore, man. | ||
| But in a spot like that, in a spot like that, the comedy store, motherfuckers go hard. | ||
| Some people don't. | ||
| Some people also, they get to a certain point where they have an audience and then they just work for that audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they know that people are going to come see them because the people like them. | ||
| And so they don't. | ||
| They don't do any workout sets. | ||
| They only do sets when they're on the road. | ||
| That's why I do when I go, whenever I go, like I came up through the Chitlin circuit, whenever I'm in Brooklyn and I slide through Philly, you know, on the black comedy circuit, everybody has these rooms, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| And as much as we get big where people say they don't do anymore, I like to do them because it just really knows, I really know The climate, and I know what I'm working with. | ||
| I love doing in rooms. | ||
| The rooms like that, they challenge you because it's taking you out, like you say, your comfort zone. | ||
| I've been blessed enough lately to, when I go do my comedy shows and people buy a ticket from me, it's usually some good people. | ||
| But every once in a while, I want to go in the hoodest spot ever and see if I still got it. | ||
| Yeah, you know that expression, don't forget what got you to the dance? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's it. | ||
| It's like what made you a great comic in the first place is being tested like that. | ||
| Defining moments. | ||
| Motherfuckers do not want to deal with a defining moment. | ||
| Motherfuckers don't want to deal with that moment where you did 45 minutes, you gassed out, and you get that stretch sign. | ||
| They say stretch, we don't have the checks up, whatever, we need you to do another 15 minutes. | ||
| That tests your skill. | ||
| A defining moment where you're working at, what is that dome we did? | ||
| Tacoma Dome. | ||
| Tacoma Dome. | ||
| And motherfucking Joe Rogan just comes and just bazooka torches the whole motherfucking arena and shit. | ||
| I've never said... | ||
| I don't know if I've ever shared that story, but that fucking day was so dope for me when we did that. | ||
| Because that fucking place was fire. | ||
| And I know that was your crowd, your energy, like, like, Joe, Joe, Joe. | ||
| And just to be in that room, I remember when you was on stage and I was kind of getting my head together. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I'm gonna get my shit ready. | ||
| And you got a laugh, right? | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| And I was like, oh shit, I'm about to go on. | ||
| I thought it was like you saying goodnight. | ||
| And it was a segue into another joke. | ||
| I immediately smoked a cigarette. | ||
| A whole cigarette in one. | ||
| I was like, oh, you better do some push-ups, motherfucker. | ||
| This shit ain't gonna be easy, sir. | ||
| But that was a fucking, that was a great moment, man. | ||
| It was a great moment. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| It was a lot of fun, man. | ||
| It was electric. | ||
| I'd never been. | ||
| It felt like I was at fucking one of UFC fights and shit, man. | ||
| It was so many people. | ||
| There was 25,000 people in that place. | ||
| And Dave was about to go on stage, and he looked at me, and he goes, not a whole lot of motherfuckers get to do shit like this. | ||
| Not at all, bro. | ||
| Just the way that whole night went. | ||
| We were right behind him. | ||
| The night was just... | ||
| It's something when you say, okay, it's a level. | ||
| Then it's another level. | ||
| And then when he came out, man, it felt like we was walking Tyson into the ring. | ||
| That song, if you know, you know that Pusha T song. | ||
| And it was just like, that night was like, I mean, pandemonium, bro. | ||
| Yeah, it was amazing. | ||
| And those nights, the funny thing about it, people see that and they see you in front of 24,000, 25,000 people. | ||
| But what people don't understand is all those nights stacked up of doing 15 minutes here, working out this shit. | ||
| Because people see you do these arenas, these amphitheaters. | ||
| They don't know that you were in the trenches. | ||
| Always. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| Never stopped. | ||
| I'm like, damn, don't this nigga got enough money right now? | ||
| I was like, wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate bombing. | |
| It's not about the money. | ||
| And it's all about, it's just something very addictive about constantly training to be prepared for anything and to be better. | ||
| My lady's sometimes like, you going out tonight? | ||
| I don't know if women understand. | ||
| They call it going out. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Working. | ||
| I want to work out. | ||
| And even if it's a set I'm working on and I do the same thing, it's just something that's just such a rush about going on stage. | ||
| Even if you find something small. | ||
| A small tag. | ||
| Because a joke never ends, you just stop telling it. | ||
| It never ends, you just stop telling it. | ||
| Some people are like, yo, where'd you get that from? | ||
| Because you know, the comedians mindset, people are like, write that down, write that down. | ||
| We don't always write it down. | ||
| Just thinking about how dope we would be if we wrote everything down. | ||
| But it goes to a hard drive. | ||
| He goes to a hard drive, and you might have thought of something funny, like this year, then next year, you might have never talked about it, then next year, something that happened, and then it'll come up from that hard drive, and boom, you got a banging ass fucking bit. | ||
| Yeah, you never know. | ||
| And if you don't go on stage, that won't blossom. | ||
| You got to water those seeds. | ||
| I was in fucking Pleasanton. | ||
| Pleasant, California over the weekend at the Tommy T's. | ||
| And this is a young guy. | ||
| He's a fan of yours. | ||
| He wants to do comedy. | ||
| And I know his mom. | ||
| About four years I put him on stage and he didn't really do well the first time he went on stage. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then I appreciate that. | ||
| And then he tells me he wants to do comedy, right? | ||
| Tell me you want to do comedy. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| Do a guest spot. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He said, uh-ba-da, uh-ba-da, uh-ba-da. | ||
| I call it the uh-ba-da, uh-ba-da. | ||
| That's how you test a motherfucker. | ||
| They be like, yeah, I want to do this. | ||
| And I've been writing, I've been working on my material and everything. | ||
| Okay, go on. | ||
| Uh-ba-da, uh-ba-da. | ||
| No, I got to wait because I got to. | ||
| No, motherfucker, you don't got to wait. | ||
| And I told him, I like to get a lot. | ||
| I said, I'm a comedian, comedian. | ||
| Don't talk to me about comedy no fucking more. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because that's the opportunity. | ||
| Go do it. | ||
| Go do it right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then he still was ubbity-ubbity. | ||
| And I told him, I was like, maybe this is not for you. | ||
| He said, well, you know what? | ||
| Maybe I need to talk. | ||
| I was like, you don't need to talk for me, motherfucker. | ||
| You need to talk with yourself. | ||
| Either you're going to do it or you're not going to do it. | ||
| He'd never been on stage before ever? | ||
| No, he'd been on before. | ||
| He plays around with it every once in a while. | ||
| But it was a filled room. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I just don't know how something could be that intimidating. | ||
| I don't know how you could want to be a comic. | ||
| You want to be a comic. | ||
| But you don't want to do the most important thing a comedy has to do and go on stage. | ||
| It's scary for people, especially if it's a packed crowd. | ||
| They know they're there to see you, so they're there to see the pro, and they know their material's kind of whack. | ||
| They know it sucks. | ||
| Yeah, but you still... | ||
| You should try it. | ||
| I mean, how much time was you going to do? | ||
| Five minutes? | ||
| Five. | ||
| Yeah, that's nothing. | ||
| Just go up there and do it. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| You take time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You take time. | |
| That's a Kevin Smith weed. | ||
| Oh, that's my dog. | ||
| That's from the movie Jay and Silent Bob? | ||
| Yeah, that's his Jay and Silent Bob weed. | ||
| With the cartoon on the inside of it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had that. | ||
| I went to the premiere. | ||
| I was in that film. | ||
| I went to the fucking premiere. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| Yeah, he's so dope, man. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He is the best, man. | ||
| I worked with him on something a couple years ago. | ||
| And he said he was a fan of mine. | ||
| And he keeps fucking calling me for projects, but he's so fucking cool. | ||
| When we were doing, because people have been, when we did this show called Hollyweed, Right? | ||
| We owned a dispensary in Hollywood. | ||
| It was a funny-ass pilot, and it was part of this rivet TV. They had this process where a lot of people do pilots that never get greenlit. | ||
| They play the pilot, and then you pledge, if you want to get the pilot, the green light. | ||
| The company fell apart. | ||
| The show did well. | ||
| We got Snoop Dogg retweeted it. | ||
| People were enjoying it. | ||
| And it just stopped. | ||
| We just stopped it, but he was so fucking cool. | ||
| When we did Hollywood, when he sat down and talked to me, he said, Donnell, I'm at a point in my life, I'm at a stage in my life where I'm not going to do anything unless it's fun and it's what I want to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you know him pre-weed? | ||
| I knew of him pre-weed. | ||
| I met him pre-weed. | ||
| And then the second or third time we hung out, he started smoking weed. | ||
| I was like, what's going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| But was that after he had the heart attack? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Way before. | ||
| He just went hard with weed. | ||
| Like, out of nowhere. | ||
| He was like, no weed and then all weed. | ||
| Yeah, but creative people can get... | ||
| And I know his strand is like a hybrid sativa strand. | ||
| Yeah, but it was just interesting to know him before when he wasn't smoking. | ||
| And then, I mean, he's just... | ||
| He's all day high. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Just put it in there. | ||
| He's all day high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's one of those dudes. | ||
| He's one of those like Wiz Khalifa type dudes. | ||
| Those... | ||
| And then just start pounding out writing shit. | ||
| I used to go to his fucking crib. | ||
| When we were working on Hollywood, we got up to three other scripts, and I would just go up there and just chill, and I'm like, I can't believe. | ||
| I'm chilling with Kevin Smith, smoking a joint, and we're just talking, and the motherfucking... | ||
| And the goddamn keyboard is just going crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a genuine person. | ||
| Very, very good person. | ||
| Yep, and then, shit, man, he set off. | ||
| He did things nobody ever did. | ||
| I mean, just to... | ||
| To create a brand that could last for fucking 20, 25 years? | ||
| As an independent filmmaker. | ||
| Independent filmmaker. | ||
| Did you ever see that movie Red State that he did? | ||
| I didn't do it. | ||
| Did you ever see it? | ||
| It was one of his best movies. | ||
| It was weird, man. | ||
| It was so strange because he didn't tell me anything about it. | ||
| Because I just want you to see it. | ||
| So we sat down. | ||
| We watched it. | ||
| And it was a horror movie. | ||
| It's like it's a horror suspense thriller movie. | ||
| It's not funny at all. | ||
| It doesn't try to be funny at all. | ||
| But did he tell you that? | ||
| He didn't tell me shit. | ||
| He literally didn't tell me anything. | ||
| But I'm assuming it's a Kevin Smith movie. | ||
| I'm assuming it's going to be fun. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I mean, people like that, you know, somewhere deep down inside, they're like, I want to do something fucking different from what people know me from, you know? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. | ||
| But once you get into something, you get into a groove and you're getting a brand and you're known for something you make money of, why would you, you know, a lot of times, why would you roll the dice? | ||
| I think he's just a creative guy. | ||
| He just likes doing a thing. | ||
| He had a thought in his head to do this kind of movie. | ||
| You know who else did that? | ||
| Bobcat Goldthwait. | ||
| He made a Bigfoot movie, man. | ||
| Like a scary-ass Blair Witch Bigfoot movie. | ||
| Do you know the history with him? | ||
| The history with him? | ||
| Bobcat? | ||
| In what way? | ||
| With the Chappelle show? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| He was the first director of the first season of the Chappelle Show. | ||
| When I did New York Boobs, I ran into him. | ||
| I ran into him and Dave. | ||
| It's so weird because you know him as crazy dude, right? | ||
| And just to see his demeanor away from that, you're just waiting for him to have an outburst. | ||
| But Bobcat was the first season director of Chappelle Show. | ||
| He's a very thoughtful guy. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| And the funny thing with him, with me, he liked me. | ||
| But he said my name wrong every time he said something about me. | ||
| He said, where's Darrell? | ||
| Where's Dante? | ||
| Yo, where's Daniel? | ||
| Where's Dudu? | ||
| I was like, after the fourth one, I was like, this gotta be racist, sir. | ||
| He just named everything with a D. That was my name. | ||
| But he was the first director of the Chappelle show before Rusty Kondorf took over. | ||
| What is that movie he made, Jamie? | ||
| What is it called again? | ||
| Willow Creek? | ||
| Is it Willow Creek? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's Willow Creek. | ||
| It's fucking good, man. | ||
| I gotta check it out. | ||
| He's obsessed with Bigfoot. | ||
| Bobcat believes in Bigfoot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| All in, I think. | ||
| Or it's like a long-running joke. | ||
| It's like a documentary type deal? | ||
| He's so smart, it might be a scam. | ||
| I think he's telling the truth, though. | ||
| I think he really is obsessed with Bigfoot. | ||
| I knew he was a good actor when... | ||
| I knew he was a good actor when I talked to him and him not being a character from Police Academy. | ||
| Because that, you know, not too many characters you ever see that when you see their face, you want to hear a certain voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Anything else is disappointing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had a hard time with that when he started doing stand-up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because he started doing stand-up again. | ||
| You know, he had done that Bobcat character forever, and then he started directing stuff. | ||
| And remember, he lit Jay Leno's couch on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| On what? | ||
| On one episode of a show? | ||
| He was on Tonight Show. | ||
| He lit the fucking couch on fire. | ||
| Yo, he used to fucking... | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| Man, he used to do interviews and just blaze it. | ||
| Yeah, he was crazy. | ||
| I've never seen anybody... | ||
| The only person... | ||
| Robin Williams used to do interviews like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, Bob Katz, he was a wild man. | ||
| But he's a thoughtful person. | ||
| Like, when you actually talk to him. | ||
| Like, he looks... | ||
| I mean, he's got sort of an explanation that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just wanted to be a little wild. | ||
| And he didn't realize what a big deal it was going to be. | ||
| Because he murdered it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he murdered that. | ||
| But he does a lot of different shit. | ||
| When he was doing stand-up again, he wanted to just be himself. | ||
| And there was a time where they wanted him. | ||
| They wanted that Bobcat character. | ||
| That's a tough thing to pull away from, especially if it's like... | ||
| You know, if it's how you're paying your bills, you know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| It's like, who are we going to get the crazy dude? | ||
| That's got to be a tough one. | ||
| A lot of people can't pull themselves out of it. | ||
| A lot of people can't reinvent themselves like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, if you're Gallagher, like, everybody expects fruit. | ||
| If you say, I'm just going to talk now. | ||
| People are like, come on, bro. | ||
| But we wanted to talk in the fruit. | ||
| Yo, people like that have weird, weird, crazy fetishes and shit, bro. | ||
| It's like he fucks with watermelons and then he likes looking at naked goats and shit. | ||
| Something crazy if you're that wild. | ||
| But Gallagher, you're going to see Gallagher. | ||
| Anytime you see Gallagher, you're going to think watermelon for the rest of your life. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to think sledgehammer. | ||
| You're going to think everybody's covered in plastic. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| I remember that when we... | ||
| I hate to keep it, but you just said it. | ||
| When I was with Chapelle Show and I used to pitch ideas, and they used to just throw my ideas like, pop, get that shit out of here. | ||
| Neil, I used to pitch ideas. | ||
| Yeah, and then the guy gonna come down, then the dude gonna come, and then somebody gonna have a hat on, right? | ||
| Then they gonna come and they gonna shoot him, and then he used to be like this, pop! | ||
| He used to smack that shit out of here. | ||
| He was like, do that shit 10 years ago, son. | ||
| Like, my shit was so dated. | ||
| And I couldn't think of anything. | ||
| One day, I was watching Comedy Central, and Gallagher was on. | ||
| And for some reason, Gallagher looked like Dave Chappelle to me. | ||
| And I was thinking, because Dave liked skateboards and shit, I'd say in his skates. | ||
| And I just said, and of course I was smoking a joint, I said, what if Gallagher was black? | ||
| I was like, what if Gallagher was black? | ||
| I just said, what if Gallagher was black? | ||
| That was my pitch line. | ||
| I said, what if Gallagher was black, right? | ||
| And then I called Neil Brennan and I said, I got an idea. | ||
| He said, what, son? | ||
| I said, black Gallagher. | ||
| And bam. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I forgot about this character. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Black Gallagher. | ||
| Dude, you were on, without a doubt, the greatest sketch show in the history of the world. | ||
| I mean, it lasted only a little while. | ||
| But those are the classic sketches. | ||
| There's some great sketches. | ||
| It doesn't put anybody's down. | ||
| I mean, obviously, Saturday Night Live has been around forever. | ||
| They had a lot of great sketches. | ||
| But it's hard to beat the Black KKK, dude. | ||
| It's hard to beat that sketch. | ||
| It's hard to beat that as an all-time sketch. | ||
| I don't even know what thought process you gotta have to even... | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| When that sketch is going on, you're watching it go on. | ||
| Yo. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It felt like when that sketch dropped, bro, when that sketch dropped, when that sketch dropped, I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| It was just like, what are we talking about? | ||
| It's like one of the funniest things that's ever been captured on film. | ||
| When Neil's head explodes. | ||
| Yo. | ||
| What a great idea, too. | ||
| It's just such a great idea. | ||
| A blind black KKK member. | ||
| And he just running around thinking he's fucking white as shit. | ||
| And that shit still stays in fucking pop culture. | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| It's going to be a Clayton Bixby forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| There's a bunch of those. | ||
| His Rick James was one of the greatest sketches of all time. | ||
| I remember when we were doing the wraparounds, when you show the sketch to the audience, and they played the Rick James sketch, and every time we played it, the room just exploded. | ||
| I mean, it just exploded like, wow! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, you knew something different. | ||
| No one ever knew that it would go to the extent that it went, but you just knew something was big in that moment. | ||
| Dude, there was a moment where people would just yell out, I'm rich, bitch. | ||
| They would just yell it out in shows. | ||
| People would just yell it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just kept yelling it out. | ||
| I'm rich, bitch. | ||
| There was something they wanted to say. | ||
| They had to say it. | ||
| Dude, that show had an impact. | ||
| A crazy impact, if you really stop and think about it. | ||
| It did. | ||
| It's amazing that someone, somehow or another, through whatever, didn't keep that going. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| But god damn, how do you not keep that going? | ||
| Just back off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back off and film it and just let them do it. | ||
| What happened here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh god. | |
| How did you fuck that up? | ||
| How did you fuck up? | ||
| That's how I felt when he did SNL a couple years ago. | ||
| You know, I was like, it's like, that show is past, as in a lot of, everybody's doing different things, you know what I mean? | ||
| But the show was so, the show was just so iconic, it's hard to forget about it. | ||
| But it was like, when we did SNL, when he did the Walking Dead spoof, when he did, Jamie, did you see that sketch? | ||
| He did a spoof of The Walking Dead. | ||
| I didn't see this. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And this is a recent thing? | ||
| Oh, this was SNL. He won an Emmy for this. | ||
| This was SNL two years ago. | ||
| When this scene right here, man, I was saying to myself, this shit is... | ||
| Like, because I hadn't seen him perform as a character actor since the Chappelle show. | ||
| And he fucking bodied this. | ||
| The beginning of this shit is ridiculous. | ||
| It was funny as shit. | ||
| They won an Emmy for, like, you know, they have a little special category, like a special, like a comedy special. | ||
| Not the premier Emmys, but you know the ones I'm talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a crazy scene to spoof too, right? | ||
| That was a terrible... | ||
| Remember that scene? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In The Walking Dead? | ||
| But he did it. | ||
| That's like one of the most brutal scenes in all of television. | ||
| If you really stop and think about it... | ||
| I couldn't believe what they showed. | ||
| The first episode out, too, of the season, right? | ||
| Right, I think so. | ||
| They killed off two or three people? | ||
| The one dude who they... | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Glenn, that they kept hitting in the head? | ||
| And you could see his eyeball pop out. | ||
| I'm like, what are we doing here? | ||
| See, y'all watch that gory shit. | ||
| I can't fuck with that. | ||
| I didn't fuck with it after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't even know it was existing to this. | |
| Yeah, but he made that shit funny. | ||
| That was some funny shit. | ||
| And if it was any glimpse of what it would be... | ||
| Oh, man, he killed that... | ||
| It was... | ||
| Well, you know, I mean, again, when you talk about all-time sketches, shit, it was fun, man. | ||
| How many episodes did it do, all total? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What would two and a half years be? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would say probably 50 episodes, maybe, if that. | ||
| 50? | ||
| Wow, was it that many? | ||
| It was a lot. | ||
| And another part, not even the sketches, the music, that would be a fucking dope-ass fucking show just to show the guests. | ||
| Kanye, Young Kanye, Common, Erykah Badu, everybody used to stop through. | ||
| What a crazy fucking show. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Do you think he's happier doing that or he's happier doing stand-up? | ||
| I think stand-up. | ||
| He shares a similar personality that you shared and I shared, that Joey Diaz shared, that want to be on stage, want to perform as a stand-up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't think it's important for him to be on TV. I think it's important for him to be the best comedian he could be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know how you feel when you think you're working at the top of your game. | ||
| You just hope everybody acknowledges it at the same time. | ||
| I think also, too, he did it and now he doesn't have anybody to answer to. | ||
| He did it. | ||
| The show's done. | ||
| He did it. | ||
| Still, in my opinion, I think it's the greatest sketch comedy show of all time. | ||
| And then to do the things like... | ||
| It's hard not to talk about him because he's what some people consider the greatest to ever do it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Then you have a relationship with that person. | ||
| You're not exploiting it, but it's just interesting. | ||
| I've seen his career go to the point where, and this is why I say the last special he did, Sticks and Stones, was so important for comedy because critics and a couple of people were dictating the tone of comedy. | ||
| They had people second guess, some people second guess in the movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the thing that I found interesting was that they were a comedian. | ||
| Writing a critical article, which is all fucked up right out the gate. | ||
| And I feel if you, as a comedian, if you don't know what specials, like Sticks to Stone special, and like what Bill Burr special, what they do for the voice of comedy, it's saying, this is what we do, that's it, stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, it seems like the expectations, cultural expectations of how we shouldn't, shouldn't talk about things, They're shifting so quickly. | ||
| And people demand compliance for you to behave a certain way. | ||
| But our profession, this is not a profession to comply in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We don't do that. | ||
| It's also this move towards compliance. | ||
| I think we should just be all nicer to each other. | ||
| I think this compliance is something that people, because they think they're right, They think they're going to enforce their idea on people, but it's like the worst way to talk to people because they immediately resist it. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| Just be nice. | ||
| Just be nice. | ||
| Motherfucker tell you this. | ||
| Joe, you probably had this. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Oh, why? | ||
| It's because I'm gay. | ||
| No, it's because you're an asshole. | ||
| No, it has nothing to do about who dick you suck or any of that. | ||
| It's because you're an asshole. | ||
| You take the asshole out of anything. | ||
| The asshole could be in anything. | ||
| It could be in gay. | ||
| It could be in white. | ||
| It could be in anything. | ||
| Take the asshole. | ||
| And you said it. | ||
| Yo, just what is so hard, Joe, about being nice? | ||
| What's so hard? | ||
| We could be better at it. | ||
| When I see you, you're nice to me. | ||
| I try to be real nice to everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've never felt that. | ||
| You're nice. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all we got to do is be nice. | ||
| I think people's disagreements are far less than we think they are. | ||
| I think we get caught up in this. | ||
| There's a fucking team thing that happens with people. | ||
| And we're seeing in this country right now, when it comes to like ideology, are you on the right or are you on the left? | ||
| It's a weird time. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| Whatever side you're on, just fucking be nice about it. | ||
| You don't gotta be nasty about shit. | ||
| We're all Americans, too. | ||
| I mean, it seems like we've gotten worse instead of better at the two sides talking to each other. | ||
| Man, I was at a function in D.C. and I was... | ||
| Jeff Breeland is one of... | ||
| Donald Trump's right hand, he's in that camp. | ||
| And then there was another guy I met, he was a White House correspondent, right? | ||
| And I'm in this party, and I'm talking both sides, right? | ||
| And I'm understanding both sides. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I understand both sides. | ||
| I'm having a drink with this motherfucker, and I'm having a drink with this motherfucker. | ||
| I'm doing a shot with him, doing a shot with him. | ||
| I understand it. | ||
| And even though your sides differ, You don't have to be nasty. | ||
| Be nice, like you say. | ||
| Be fucking nice. | ||
| I think people have gotten to these weird positions of just constantly interacting with people in negative ways. | ||
| It's like patterns of people following. | ||
| Confrontation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we think that this is a country divided. | ||
| I don't think it's as divided as everybody thinks it is. | ||
| I think the problem is people divide us. | ||
| You have a guy who's your guy, and your guy gets voted in, and you get excited about it, and you go against the people who their woman or their guy didn't get voted in, and you have this little conflict with each other. | ||
| And it's a stupid conflict. | ||
| It's a stupid conflict because... | ||
| It's just dangerous because you're basing it on a team thing. | ||
| The problem is having a fucking president in the first place, having government in the first place. | ||
| We seem like we need it, but the problem is having anybody that's got control like that, any one person of extreme power. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it should be a thing anymore. | ||
| It seems like a thing we should have figured out was a problem a long fucking time ago. | ||
| But I don't think we would have been in a place where we feel like somebody with that power is abusing it. | ||
| And that's so interesting. | ||
| That's what's so interesting now. | ||
| Because, like, there's no way to deny some of the things that Donald Trump have done for America, some of the things he's done for the black community. | ||
| It's on paper and everything. | ||
| It's on paper. | ||
| You can see that one of the stats is the lowest unemployment, whatever. | ||
| But jobs have always been here. | ||
| It's just if a motherfucker want to go get a job or not. | ||
| Do you understand that? | ||
| Like, how does someone increase jobs? | ||
| Do they provide government jobs, or do they open up avenues for businesses, make it easier for businesses to succeed? | ||
| I think it's businesses, and I think you've got to create a certain mindset. | ||
| Right, but when someone says, like, we added jobs, I wonder how you make that direct connection between their policies. | ||
| I don't think that, I think you inspired people. | ||
| I think you can inspire a movement of jobs. | ||
| You could be like, I don't know, a little language like, hey, we've been hiring. | ||
| We're starting to hire down at the coal mine or whatever. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You can inspire people to get jobs that are already there. | ||
| One of the things I really hate is that almost everybody feels like they have to get into these ideological arguments right now. | ||
| Because we got such a strange president. | ||
| Such a polarizing president. | ||
| That's what I don't understand about motherfuckers when it comes to Trump. | ||
| How are y'all motherfuckers still letting him make you mad? | ||
| Like, like, yo, I'm telling you, son, sometimes I wake up, I'm on CNN, I'm like, okay, we get it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| Yeah, the other thing is... | ||
| I mean, I don't understand how people keep getting mad about the same shit. | ||
| You know a person's character, you know how you think they feel about them, and you continue to let them make you mad. | ||
| Like, they can make you upset. | ||
| It makes no sense. | ||
| Well, everybody knew who he was before we got in there, too. | ||
| Everybody knew who he was. | ||
| But is he doing good things economically? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That could be an argument. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| That could be an argument that he could win. | ||
| Because he got numbers. | ||
| That's an argument he could win. | ||
| How does that work, though? | ||
| I know I sound like a moron to anybody who understands economics, but I've always heard that there's basically patterns that they can almost predict where economies rise and fall. | ||
| And a lot of it is based on policies they enact, but a lot of it is based on just things that have natural cycles to them almost. | ||
| And sometimes shit is on the way up. | ||
| Because of things that a president did, and then this new president catches the wave. | ||
| Like, you always hear that. | ||
| Yeah, but that was the case, and that's the case with... | ||
| That's the case. | ||
| That's the case with Obama and his shit to Trump and everything. | ||
| And, you know, Trump won. | ||
| He won Fair and Scare, however you want to feel about it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The motherfucker won with people getting upset. | ||
| People getting angry because somebody chose to vote for somebody. | ||
| That's the dumbest shit ever. | ||
| In my lifetime, it seems like this is the most polarizing people are versus Trump supporters or not supporters. | ||
| It's the most polarizing. | ||
| You're either with him or you're not. | ||
| It's like there's a culture battle going on. | ||
| But you don't got to be angry about it. | ||
| No, you don't have to be angry. | ||
| Most of us are wasting a lot of fucking energy. | ||
| Man, if you can't correct it, if you don't know who the next Superman is going to be, just shut the fuck up about it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, you keep on, man. | ||
| It's like you keep on, you keep on. | ||
| Just find out who is going to be... | ||
| Mayor Bloomberg said, man, he looked at the field and said, fuck. | ||
| None of these motherfuckers can beat Trump. | ||
| I may have to run. | ||
| He may jump in it, and he's a numbers guy. | ||
| It's just senseless to continue to be mad. | ||
| It's just so weird right now. | ||
| People are saying people want to take away people's guns and people saying they'll fight to keep their guns. | ||
| Like, what are we talking about here? | ||
| Man, I don't even know. | ||
| A lot of my friends don't even know the argument of guns. | ||
| Because when we see a gun, it's never in a place where it's a gun law. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| The first time I went to Ohio, bro, and I was going to department stores and shit, and they had signs outside that said, no guns allowed. | ||
| They had signs like no smoking, like no guns. | ||
| And I'm saying to myself, wait a minute. | ||
| Motherfuckers have guns where you have to tell them not to bring them in here? | ||
| There's a lot of guns out there. | ||
| There's certain places we have, like Arizona, I think, is an open carry state. | ||
| That's always going to be scary to me. | ||
| That is wild, wild west shit. | ||
| I bet that cuts down on road rage, though. | ||
| Cuts down on everything. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Is that okay, though? | ||
| Are you happy with this crazy armed society where everybody's nice because everybody's got a gun on them at all times? | ||
| I mean, just don't pop the shot, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Shit, I wish we didn't need that. | ||
| I wish people were just nice. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't even know if that's really needed as much as you have the right to do it. | ||
| You know, some people just, they love to exercise their right to bear arms. | ||
| You have the right to bear arms, but you don't have to bear an arm. | ||
| Some people love guns. | ||
| They love them. | ||
| They can't wait to shoot them. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang. | ||
| They can't wait to fix them. | ||
| They want to polish them and clean them and they want to add new ones to their collection and bang, bang, bang. | ||
| And they get good at using them. | ||
| And they just want to just... | ||
| Some of them are lovely people. | ||
| They're really nice people. | ||
| It's not a knock against them. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I can see myself getting really into guns. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| But they're fun, okay? | ||
| Going to a range and shooting metal targets is fun. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| It's something where it could, conceivably, in this life, it's possible. | ||
| And it's happened to other people where you had to save your life with a gun. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| But a lot of people, they want to deny that. | ||
| I would much rather if that was not true. | ||
| I would much rather that. | ||
| But it seems to be true that sometimes people do break into people's houses and sometimes those people defend themselves. | ||
| I wish nobody broke into anybody's fucking house. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| And I wish nobody had to shoot anybody that broke into their house. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But we can't deny that that's a thing. | ||
| We can't deny that people have saved their lives with guns. | ||
| Because some of them have. | ||
| And we can't deny also that, I know this sounds crazy too, and this is how black people look at guns. | ||
| A lot of black people have lost their lives to guns. | ||
| And they've lost their lives to guns with people of authority. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So when it comes to guns with black people, I can't speak for everybody, but that's a really strong place where the distress in the whole system of a gun... | ||
| to feel. | ||
| Makes total sense. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Even with cases, I'm not trying to get radical or anything, we're having a conversation, even in cases where there's a young black man that had a license and was legit By law, he could carry a gun. | ||
| And he still, at the end of the day, was the victim of what people can consider to be an overzealous police officer, an unqualified police officer, or untrained police officer. | ||
| But that's how a lot of black people see guns. | ||
| And the other side of black people see guns is they use it to commit crimes themselves. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But... | ||
| When you talk about gun, even when you're saying you're talking about the way that people know the NRA, they know gun laws, half the motherfuckers in these different states don't even know how easy it is to be able to have a gun. | ||
| Dave Chappelle said it, and it was a funny joke, and it means a lot. | ||
| He said, you really want to change the gun laws? | ||
| Have every black person in Ohio register to have a gun and see how quick the gun laws would change then. | ||
| You see all these niggas with guns, they'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we gotta do something about this shit, man. | ||
| That's the only way I can see you can effectively change it. | ||
| But it's different things. | ||
| Arguments on the whole thought of guns with different people. | ||
| I see both sides. | ||
| I want to be able to protect myself. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| But then you've got to ask yourself, what environment are you living in where you have to actually... | ||
| I'm just trying to... | ||
| Where you have to actually protect yourself and where you live where there's a chance that... | ||
| You could be in a parking lot and your Walmart car bumps the car and next thing you know it's a shootout. | ||
| That's a mindset. | ||
| That is a mindset. | ||
| That's a mindset. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Shootouts. | ||
| That means preparing for shootouts. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I always have a scenario. | ||
| Always have a shootout scenario. | ||
| I know, but everybody would agree. | ||
| Wouldn't it be better if we just didn't do that? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| If people didn't ever put themselves in a position where you were going to have to shoot them. | ||
| That goes back to what you said earlier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Had to be nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just be nice. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to be in a situation where someone had to think about shooting me. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I know where those places are. | ||
| That's the problem with being nice, right? | ||
| There's places where people are stuck in these crime-ridden environments and it doesn't seem like there's any way out. | ||
| That's what the problem with being nice is. | ||
| Sometimes you can't survive. | ||
| Yeah, they either got to get out or you can't go there. | ||
| And you can go there sometimes, but after a while you have to show people another side. | ||
| You gotta show people another side. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You said it before, people make excuses, but eventually, you gotta say to yourself, what can I really do to change the cycle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you gotta work at it. | ||
| What do you think anybody could do to change the cycle? | ||
| Like, when you see impoverished neighborhoods that are the same way from the 1970s as they are in 2019, how do you fix that? | ||
| Have you ever thought about it? | ||
| It's a tough thing to fix. | ||
| I think people have to see other images. | ||
| People have to see other images. | ||
| You could brainwash people with advertisement. | ||
| You know, people have to see other images. | ||
| They have to see other things. | ||
| You have to show them something that they don't. | ||
| You got to show them success. | ||
| Some examples of people like them. | ||
| Those people that have made it, they really got to really care and get involved. | ||
| They got to be around. | ||
| They got to be able to see something different because most kids in the city, whatever, they dream about it. | ||
| They dream about it. | ||
| And then when a couple make through, when a couple people do good, we don't put the energy into supporting them. | ||
| And recreating them, we put the energy into other stupid shit, opposed to actually honoring this, a person that broke through, a politician. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And get with them. | ||
| And kids have to see that. | ||
| They have to see that this is possible. | ||
| They have to see it's possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have to see it's possible. | ||
| Yeah, people need to think that they've got hope, and that's... | ||
| If you're in a spot where you're stuck in a crime-ridden community, that's probably the worst place you could be as a young person in this country. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Some people make it out of it. | ||
| A lot of people don't. | ||
| But how... | ||
| How often is that addressed when they talk about, like, if someone talks about running for government? | ||
| Has anybody ever had a real feasible idea how to fix that? | ||
| How to, like, take all these impoverished inner-city communities that we know have been crime-ridden for decades and stop it? | ||
| How do you stop it? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What's the plan? | ||
| How do you go in there? | ||
| How much money would it take? | ||
| How much money would it take to take one city, Detroit, impoverished communities in Detroit and bring it up? | ||
| What would you have to do? | ||
| How would you have to fix this? | ||
| How would you have to have community centers? | ||
| How much would it cost to have counseling and guidance and a positive community? | ||
| Foster a positive community with people that are professional psychologists and It's tough. | ||
| A lot of it don't exist, but it's got to start at... | ||
| It's got to start at home. | ||
| It has to start at home. | ||
| It has to be because you can make all the plans, programs you want. | ||
| Somebody has enforcement, they have to enforce it. | ||
| A teacher can have the best lesson plan and the best curriculum ever. | ||
| She can win teacher of the year or whatever. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But what she's teaching and what she's trying to get them to understand, if it's not reinforced at home, then it goes nowhere. | ||
| And it's like, I don't even know, how do you address the mindset of parents? | ||
| Or some people aren't supposed to be parents, but that's where everything starts. | ||
| Everything starts there. | ||
| I think some people, it's a cycle, right? | ||
| Some people had parents that were unqualified to have them, and then they became unqualified to have their own parents. | ||
| And whether or not they should or shouldn't be responsible, we can all agree they should be responsible. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| Those kids, a lot of times, are the ones that get fucked over in life. | ||
| They get a bad start, right? | ||
| But if there was some way, some way through some sort of a community program to ensure that these kids always had a place that felt like a community, felt like family, they can go there, it's safe. | ||
| There's always somebody there that can handle them and take care of them. | ||
| But man, motherfuckers gotta get rid of the mentality of fucking their own shit up, man. | ||
| That's one thing they fuck their own shit up sometimes, man. | ||
| Like, everything you're saying, like Nipsey Hussle, the rapper that passed away, that was well-respected in hip-hop, all across the board, he was an example of everything that you're saying. | ||
| He was an example of how to fix it. | ||
| He was an example of everything that you said he was doing, getting people up on their finances. | ||
| He had a realty company out of the Marathon clothing shopping mall he had. | ||
| He employed people that came out of prison, people that didn't have a fair shake in life. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He donated to the community. | ||
| He had kids in his videos. | ||
| He was doing everything. | ||
| He was trying to explain to people how important it is to have business, buy property. | ||
| He knew where his store was. | ||
| A train line was going to come in soon. | ||
| So all the property he brought around, he knew how much it was going to be worth. | ||
| Then he tried to pass that knowledge on to a lot of people. | ||
| He passed it on through his music. | ||
| He passed on how he lived his life. | ||
| He passed on by his associations. | ||
| He gave everything. | ||
| He didn't leave the fucking hood. | ||
| He stayed in the hood. | ||
| He built his name in the hood. | ||
| He came from a place where people was comparing him to Snoop Dogg right out the gate. | ||
| He Snoop Dogg, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| He had to beat through that shit. | ||
| He was selling his own shit. | ||
| He recorded his own. | ||
| He was doing his own shit. | ||
| He won't leave the fucking hood. | ||
| He's letting people see his life. | ||
| He's letting people see his motherfucking life. | ||
| And with all that said, in his parking lot, in his hood, another nigga shot him to death. | ||
| And that's fucked up. | ||
| That type of shit make me be frustrated about being black sometimes. | ||
| God damn, nigga! | ||
| And then, you wonder why people say this about you. | ||
| Our community... | ||
| Needs to check motherfuckers and get garbage and rodents and roaches like that motherfucker out of here. | ||
| As much as we trying to figure out the problem, as much as we can put a million people in a fucking room and write, okay, this legislation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Man, if motherfuckers don't stop fucking their own shit up, ain't nobody ever going to fucking care. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the biggest place in the world that we've tried to rebuild? | ||
| City-wise? | ||
| Is it like Iraq? | ||
| I mean, have they really tried to rebuild Iraq? | ||
| I mean, what did they do once we took over? | ||
| I know very little about how much money has really been pumped in. | ||
| I know it's been an extraordinary amount, but how much money do you think has been pumped into like Iraq? | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
| There was that protest going on there last week. | ||
| I thought we were supposed to be pulling out of Iraq. | ||
| We pulled out of Chicago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| I'm sorry, son. | ||
| I'm sorry, son. | ||
| I was turning, but I just... | ||
| More deaths in Chicago. | ||
| Always more deaths in Chicago. | ||
| And motherfuckers need, man. | ||
| That's part of the point I'm making, man. | ||
| It's the whole mindset. | ||
| That was part of my point. | ||
| It was like, what if they just cut that money in half? | ||
| Whatever they're doing over there and just put it all in places like Detroit, Chicago, any place that's overrun with crime and violence. | ||
| If they put the kind of money that they put into other countries. | ||
| Yeah, they do, but I think America thinks like this, okay, what is my investment? | ||
| What is my investment? | ||
| They'll give it up, but what do they get out of in return? | ||
| They get more successful people. | ||
| More successful people contribute more to the society. | ||
| It's better for everybody. | ||
| The more successful people we have, if we're a community, we all agree, the United States is a community. | ||
| If we're all a community, we'd be better served, all of us would be, if more people were successful, if more people were doing well. | ||
| There'd be more money for the economy. | ||
| That makes sense? | ||
| Yeah, it's possible. | ||
| There's a drain when people aren't doing as well. | ||
| Then that's education. | ||
| Yes, it's education, it's inspiration, it's people showing you, guiding you, people showing you the steps that you can take, people that have done those steps themselves. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that can do that. | ||
| I think, and it's a movement, man, because a couple of my friends, DJ Envy and Cesar, Envy's on the radio, Cesar's a real estate guy, and they've been out really trying to Educate people on the importance of creating generational wealth, real estate, and just being a different person. | ||
| I think we all need mentors. | ||
| We all need mentors. | ||
| We need someone who understands what it is we're talking about to sort of help us and guide us through. | ||
| And as comics, we all are silent mentors to each other. | ||
| A lot of it. | ||
| Because, like, you'll ask a guy, how'd you set that up? | ||
| Like, why'd you switch it that way? | ||
| Oh, they saw it coming this way. | ||
| But this way they don't see it coming. | ||
| Those conversations? | ||
| It's so interesting you said that with the mentor. | ||
| One of my mentors named Fat Doctor. | ||
| He's out of Washington, D.C. That's a great name. | ||
| Fat Doctor. | ||
| Fat Doctor in the 80s. | ||
| Fat Doctor was dope as shit, Joe. | ||
| You know, like, for, like... | ||
| Back then, like, he was a black comic that was mainstream. | ||
| He'd do the black rooms and he'd do white rooms. | ||
| Richard Pryor said it was one of his favorite comedians. | ||
| In fact, Doctor, he was a reason to say he was because he's not really doing good right now. | ||
| You know, like, it's, you know. | ||
| Health-wise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was that mentor to me. | ||
| He was that mentor to Martin Lawrence. | ||
| He was that mentor to Tony Woods. | ||
| He's one of those guys that, like, if you know DC, if you know Fat Doctor, every comic has some piece of Fat Doctor somewhere. | ||
| Whether it's being that motherfucker that can work a black room and a white room. | ||
| Whether it's being that dude that can fucking just demolish a fucking room. | ||
| Everybody had a piece of him. | ||
| And he's not doing well. | ||
| I'm just giving him a shout-out. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I'm sorry to hear that. | ||
| And a shout-out to Tony Woods. | ||
| I haven't heard that name in a little bit. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just did a write-up on him in the New York Times talking about his lineage to DC comedy and people he worked with and everything. | ||
| And Tony's one of those dudes that you know if you mention a certain city or something like, oh, Detroit or DC, you like Tony Woods. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And all those guys, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tony Wood's a funny, funny, funny comic, man. | ||
| I always remember watching him in New York. | ||
| He's been funny for years. | ||
| I was surprised that more people don't know who he is. | ||
| When I talk to comics, even comics might not even know who he is. | ||
| He did a lot of stuff. | ||
| Whatever we do, we got to go where money is. | ||
| I think a lot of his money was overseas. | ||
| He was very popular overseas, so you got to get your cash where you can get it. | ||
| He's an elite motherfucker, though. | ||
| His comedy's always top-notch. | ||
| Yeah, always. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a smooth style, too, man. | ||
| Like a very unique style of delivery. | ||
| That was one of Chappelle's mentors when he came up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all have to have those, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like for me in Boston, a lot of it was Lenny Clark, who I'm still friends with. | ||
| There was these guys who were these Boston killers that would headline at Nick's Comedy Stop and all those comedy club stitches and all those places. | ||
| There was the Mount Rushmore of Boston comedy. | ||
| They were nice to everybody. | ||
| They told us what to do. | ||
| Like, hey, you gotta write more. | ||
| Hey, you gotta stop saying fuck so much. | ||
| You say fuck too much, kid. | ||
| You broke the fuck meter. | ||
| Like, oh, the fuck meter? | ||
| Yeah, the fuck meter. | ||
| They would tell you, if you say fuck all the time, it doesn't mean anything. | ||
| But if you say it when you need it, bang! | ||
| Then it's like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| It means something now. | ||
| Because you only said it once. | ||
| And they would tell you about what's a hack premise. | ||
| You might think you thought of that yourself, but a hundred other comics also have thought of that same shit. | ||
| And what makes you different? | ||
| What makes you different? | ||
| What makes you different from everything else? | ||
| That's how Fat Doctor was. | ||
| He took me through the trenches. | ||
| Okay, I was funny. | ||
| Yeah, you're funny, but you curse too much. | ||
| Did I stop cursing? | ||
| You're cursing, but you only got five minutes, and I have ten minutes. | ||
| You got ten minutes, but you can't do clean. | ||
| It was like, they always going to have something to test you with. | ||
| But I know Fat Doctor, he always used to say, no matter what we do in this game, and we all have problems. | ||
| He said, when you go on stage, you put the problem to the side, you do your show, and then you pick it back up when you're ready to leave. | ||
| You always got to pick it back up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I wish him well and I hope he gets better. | ||
| Yeah, I wish him well too. | ||
| Is his shit online? | ||
| Can I see his stuff? | ||
| Is it on YouTube? | ||
| Yeah, he probably got something deep down in YouTube. | ||
| Deep down in YouTube. | ||
| But he's one of those guys that we knew for years. | ||
| We all have mentors. | ||
| There's no, I mean, even guys who just, you watch them. | ||
| Fabulous Fat Doctor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| Even guys that you, you know, you don't even know them well, but you watch them all the time. | ||
| Like, if you work at the store, you know, you get to see, like, Jessen that could go up over and over and over again, tighten up his shit. | ||
| Like, even if you don't know him well, like, you kind of, if you're a young comic working the door, you're kind of getting mentored. | ||
| Just watch them. | ||
| Watch anything? | ||
| Tweak his act and change it. | ||
| Oh, I like how he did that. | ||
| Martin used to watch Fat Doctor. | ||
| Martin used to watch. | ||
| That was his mentor. | ||
| Before Martin did Star Search, they were really cool. | ||
| And Fat Doctor took him on his wing, just like he took a lot of us on his wing, and tell you those little jokes, those little things that help you. | ||
| In fact, I think when Martin first got the show, Fat Doctor was out here. | ||
| I think he wrote in a couple episodes. | ||
| Dude, some of the worst bombings I ever had in my life. | ||
| I had to follow Martin in the 90s. | ||
| Oh man, I can't imagine Martin in the 90s. | ||
| I was terrible and he was on fire. | ||
| Nothing was hotter. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I remember, I don't know if I told you this story, I remember, I remember I was in D.C. I was in the bed with this chick and we were watching HBO or whatever. | ||
| And this was when HBO specials were HBO specials. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And it was an HBO special. | ||
| And they said, give it up. | ||
| Martin Lawrence. | ||
| And Martin Lawrence came out there. | ||
| I don't know if I said this. | ||
| He said, when you give it up for a brother making money the right way, when you're making money the right way, you can tell your lady shit like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| He said, and she'll shut up too. | ||
| She'd be like, oh, you so crazy. | ||
| Man, let me tell you something. | ||
| I was in the bed. | ||
| I stood up. | ||
| I was like this. | ||
| I said, who the fuck is that motherfucker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yo, I was like, and he came out like, you know, he came out like, when specials was like, specials was really special. | ||
| Like, they came once a year, twice a year. | ||
| And then it was usually with some big HBO production. | ||
| You knew it was coming out post, you know? | ||
| And he said, you can tell your lady shit, like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| And she'd be like, you so crazy. | ||
| It was like, boom. | ||
| And it was off to the fucking races. | ||
| That's what inspired you? | ||
| That's what... | ||
| That inspired me. | ||
| That made me... | ||
| And then I saw him at the Comedy Connection to Greenbelt. | ||
| It was a little small spot in Greenbelt. | ||
| This was where we all started. | ||
| I saw him there live. | ||
| It's a little pizza shop that make it to a comedy room. | ||
| It only holds like 110 people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I was in the fucking front row like this, bro. | ||
| I was like this. | ||
| And Mark was on fire. | ||
| And I was watching. | ||
| I was like, this nigga saying all the shit I want to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yo, I was like, he's just saying some regular shit, and it's funny. | ||
| Like, he's just saying some regular shit, some everyday shit, and it's just funny. | ||
| And I was like this, man. | ||
| I want to do this shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I was like, and I wouldn't even, I was fucking around and open bullshit open mic just heckling. | ||
| And I said, I want to do this shit. | ||
| And it was Martin. | ||
| Martin fucking used to tear rooms up. | ||
| He used to destroy. | ||
| It was terrifying. | ||
| He's on tour. | ||
| I'm on tour with him next year. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| AEG. AEG, the touring joint? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| The last year they did, it's called the Lit as Fuck Tour. | ||
| Martin Lawrence is the host of the Lit is Fuck Tour. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, they announced it recently, and I'm going to do some dates coming up. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| Just to be a dude from D.C., That's like bucket list shit. | ||
| He's one of the rare leather suit guys, right? | ||
| He's wore leather suits on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think he gave it up, though. | |
| I think he gave it up. | ||
| You know, everybody wear leather. | ||
| When you get that first check, you gotta put some leather on, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| Yes, that was the fucking outfit, son. | ||
| Full leather poncho. | ||
| Full leather. | ||
| That must have been so sweaty. | ||
| Not only that, but I'm just, I mean, think of it like, you gotta ask yourself, what the fuck was he thinking? | ||
| But he was in the moment. | ||
| He was in the moment. | ||
| But that was it. | ||
| You so motherfucking... | ||
| That shit set it off. | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| So that was around the time when he was coming to the comedy store to work out his shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I was going on after him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was death. | ||
| I know that room... | ||
| Those rooms had to be... | ||
| People just get up. | ||
| Like, 90% of the people would get up. | ||
| That you so crazy was like... | ||
| That was when it comes to like... | ||
| Hashtags and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And phrases. | ||
| You so crazy probably would fucking go against a rich bitch back in the 90s. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| If they had hashtags back then. | ||
| And nothing was funnier than Martin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Not on TV. No. | ||
| He just had this energy, man. | ||
| And he would play different characters. | ||
| Yeah, he was. | ||
| I was dating this girl and I had to break up with her because she said Martin Lawrence was corny. | ||
| I was like, bitch, I said, look, this is not going to work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was like, there is nothing else to talk about. | ||
| Like, this is a wrap. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about, son? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I was like, nah, that's over. | ||
| Especially in the 90s. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I got to watch it live. | ||
| It was one of those things where he was on fire. | ||
| He was just in his zone. | ||
| It was when Martin was at his top. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| You know some comics are hot, but it's one thing where you know they're hot and then they got a hot TV show. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Hot movies. | ||
| Yeah, it's like just popping, man. | ||
| And I can imagine that. | ||
| Bad Boys with Will Smith. | ||
| It's coming out, they're doing what, the third one? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he was doing an action fucking movie too. | ||
| With the biggest name? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| He did what? | ||
| He did a TV show? | ||
| He did a fucking action movie with Will Smith? | ||
| He's doing comedy specials? | ||
| And I'm telling you, like it was for me as a kid, you know, who started in Boston, I'd only been doing comedy for six years by the time I was out here already. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And when I was out here, and I'm working at the store, six years in, and I gotta go on after Martin Lawrence. | ||
| And I gotta watch him, though. | ||
| Just to be in the room watching a legit comedy superstar, you know, six years in, like, watching him. | ||
| Like, I'm watching him all the time. | ||
| I watched him 10, 15 shows. | ||
| Just murder, man. | ||
| Just a razor's edge. | ||
| How'd you feel going, how'd you handle it going after him? | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| Just ate shit most of the time. | ||
| Dude, I don't think I had a good set. | ||
| I thought you were like, yeah, dude, I just said, fuck them motherfuckers! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I ate shit. | ||
| I ate shit pretty much every time I went on after him. | ||
| You couldn't transfer the energy? | ||
| They didn't want to hear it. | ||
| They didn't want to hear nothing? | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| He was so good and I was so bad. | ||
| Wasn't one of them drinks with a motherfucking note. | ||
| Yo, the funny thing is when you do that shit and like I go some places with Dave and like he'll get on stage and then the whole crowd just leave the fucking stage. | ||
| I mean leave the room like fuck it. | ||
| This has to be over now. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, nobody starts out great. | ||
| I started out great, Joe. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I did. | ||
| From the jump? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| You never had a dull spot? | ||
| Let me tell you, I was five months in. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I came through, I just was like... | ||
| I had already been just practicing my whole fucking life, not on jokes, just fucking with motherfuckers. | ||
| And all I had to do was figure out a way to make that into a bit. | ||
| But no, I hit that shit hard. | ||
| Well, it doesn't seem like it's an art form, but it definitely is. | ||
| Because when someone talks shit to somebody really well and everybody's like, ah! | ||
| We're all laughing. | ||
| If you can do that to a room full of guys, if there's like five guys sitting around talking shit and one guy says something that's so ruthless that all of us are on the floor dying, that is stand-up comedy. | ||
| You're just doing stand-up comedy for five guys. | ||
| You just need a different platform. | ||
| It's so weird because I'll meet people and I'm like, you should do comedy. | ||
| Like, oh, I bet you tell that. | ||
| No, you know how certain energy, you can tell. | ||
| Certain energy, you're like, you know what? | ||
| Certain people you see, and you're like, you know what? | ||
| I would love to see you try it one time. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I know exactly what you're saying. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, no, I'm not saying this is a career or anything, but if you ever thought about it, why not just fucking, you never know? | ||
| Yeah, you do never know. | ||
| I encourage too many people to do too many things. | ||
| I encourage everybody to start a podcast. | ||
| I encourage everybody to do stand-up. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| And people will get mad at me, going, you shouldn't encourage everybody to do it. | ||
| But if you try it, you might be good at it. | ||
| Like, it's not a special talent in the sense that, like, if... | ||
| If you can't run fast, you're not going to win at track and field. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| But almost anybody who thinks they're funny, who loves comedy, who's got a sense of humor and is smart, can at least make some attempts at stand-up. | ||
| And I think if you can just get a little bit of traction, get going a little bit, you can get better. | ||
| Everybody's got a different pace. | ||
| Your pace was faster because you had been talking shit your whole life. | ||
| But other guys were more silent and introverted. | ||
| It took them a little while to get their thing going. | ||
| But if they can do it, I always encourage people to do it. | ||
| They gotta keep doing it. | ||
| Yes, you gotta keep doing it. | ||
| You can't just like, you know, like that guy, my friend. | ||
| It's the grind. | ||
| Some people can't grind. | ||
| I started, you know, I didn't start my podcast, but I recorded one today. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| By myself. | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| For 44 minutes. | ||
| Did you just do it Bill Burr style? | ||
| The reason why I did it, because I didn't want you to talk shit to me. | ||
| I was like this. | ||
| I was like, this motherfucker got a knockout punch. | ||
| But listen, you're so good. | ||
| You're so good on podcasts. | ||
| For you to not have a podcast is an atrocity. | ||
| But I did it for four. | ||
| This is the first time in my life I talked for 45 minutes with nobody else but myself. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| This is the first time I ever did that. | ||
| It's easy for you. | ||
| You could stay in this room for three hours and just go. | ||
| I'm way better off with people. | ||
| But you could do it. | ||
| You could go the distance. | ||
| You could just do whatever. | ||
| But it's a thing that you get better at doing. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's like everything else. | ||
| Doing podcasts is a thing that you get better at being on a podcast. | ||
| You get better at doing it. | ||
| I think I have fun. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to be perfect at it. | ||
| It's your thing. | ||
| I was scared as shit, son, but I knew I couldn't come in here. | ||
| I knew I couldn't come in here. | ||
| I'll show you the timeline. | ||
| That was like a year ago. | ||
| I knew it wasn't a year, son. | ||
| It was like five months ago, son. | ||
| And every time I see you, I just be wanting to say, what's up? | ||
| And then he like stretching out and shit. | ||
| He's like, what's up with that podcast? | ||
| I'm like, man, I try to skip this. | ||
| I say, you know, my son has a birthday. | ||
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| Everybody has a birthday. | ||
| What's up with that podcast, man? | ||
| This is what I say. | ||
| This is what I, and I really mean it. | ||
| Everybody, one of the reasons why I encourage every comic to do it, because if you just put some energy into it, you have a thing that's all you. | ||
| And if it's successful, it's all you. | ||
| It's you. | ||
| It's like you, and you don't have to worry about getting fired. | ||
| You don't have to worry about people being mad at you. | ||
| It's you putting out you. | ||
| I know it's me, but me not used to talking to himself. | ||
| But you could talk to a friend. | ||
| I didn't have a friend then, son. | ||
| I'm your friend. | ||
| You don't want to talk to me. | ||
| I do want to talk to you. | ||
| I would talk to you on yours first. | ||
| And then we can come and do mine second or vice versa. | ||
| I did one today. | ||
| How about we do one today? | ||
| I just did one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I just did one. | ||
| I got 44 minutes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I did one. | ||
| And I'm going to tell you, it started off... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was honest. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| I want you to critique it, son. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You got to critique it, son. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I think you just got to put them out. | ||
| I am. | ||
| If the first ones aren't your favorite ones, it doesn't matter. | ||
| But that made me... | ||
| I'm going to tell you, I felt... | ||
| I was excited because you wouldn't be able to talk shit to me. | ||
| I was. | ||
| I was like, fuck that. | ||
| Fuck that shit. | ||
| I was excited you wasn't going to talk shit to me. | ||
| You're too good on podcasts. | ||
| And I'm excited that I got 44 minutes of me talking. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| And I'm telling the truth. | ||
| Yeah, if you go back and listen to the early Burr ones, he would do it on a phone. | ||
| He would make a phone call to a place, and it would be him on the phone. | ||
| It wasn't even a recorder on his phone. | ||
| Bill Burr's first ones, he was doing way back before there was an app on your phone that you could record on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was just talking shit about people at the airport, just talking shit about this guy. | ||
| Look at this fucking guy. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| See, that's what I wanted. | ||
| I just wanted to talk shit, son. | ||
| I just want to talk shit. | ||
| Well, you're a fucking master at it, man. | ||
| 100% should have a podcast. | ||
| 44 minutes. | ||
| The more people do it, the more comics do it, the more it empowers all of you. | ||
| All right, what do I got to do now? | ||
| All you just got to do is get it to a Libsyn account. | ||
| You need an account where you can get an RSS feed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll help you. | |
| Don't panic. | ||
| No, I want to do it now. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| We'll help you. | ||
| You ain't going to do it, man. | ||
| You're not going to help me. | ||
| Jamie's going to help you. | ||
| Jamie, could you produce my first one? | ||
| That's all I ask. | ||
| Can I just get one? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Can I get one, Jamie? | ||
| We'll do it. | ||
| You can do it bootleg and shit. | ||
| We'll do it. | ||
| Come on, Jamie. | ||
| Help me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't worry. | |
| I'll take care of it. | ||
| Is that a yes or a no? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| We got it. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| We got you. | ||
| So we'll put it up. | ||
| The first one. | ||
| After 44 minutes. | ||
| I'm going to air drop it to you. | ||
| Super easy to set up, so you just have to upload one every week. | ||
| It'll be easy. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| We'll get it started. | ||
| You promised, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Him and me. | ||
| We're going to go through this together. | ||
| Don't forget me, son. | ||
| I'm not forgetting you. | ||
| I'm going to do more, but I got one ready, son. | ||
| You're going to do more. | ||
| I'm going to help you. | ||
| I was honest. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I love you, son. | ||
| I love you, too, man. | ||
| I get happy when I see you, man. | ||
| I get happy when I see you, too. | ||
| I'm like, God, this nigga be working out. | ||
| Everywhere I go, this motherfucker's everywhere. | ||
| You at every club, son. | ||
| You got to work. | ||
| How can you not win? | ||
| You gotta work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, don't you think? | ||
| I mean, that's the thing. | ||
| Just put in those numbers. | ||
| How can you? | ||
| And it's so funny because... | ||
| And be nice. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| Because when we did that show, like, we all did a good job, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it felt good because we knew, like, we had put the reps in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It wasn't like this, like, swinging haymakers. | ||
| It's like, no, motherfucker. | ||
| We gotta tone down. | ||
| I got this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even when we did the Utah joint, that was so dope because, you know, we did the first one, Ashley, you, I mean, Ashley and you, and then they had the intermission of me and Dave, and then on the Utah joint, it was daytime. | ||
| Right, that's right. | ||
| Yo, this is funny as shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It started off during the day. | |
| I told them to wait. | ||
| I'm like, what are we doing? | ||
| They didn't wait, right? | ||
| So, I'm like this, because I had just experienced something similar the year before with Frankie, Beverly, and Mays. | ||
| Basically, motherfuckers weren't there, and it was daytime. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And I was like this. | ||
| You can't give Joe a motherfucking daytime audience. | ||
| Like, it's the backstage of the festival or some shit, right? | ||
| I was like, oh man, this shit gotta get dark. | ||
| And I went on then, and it got dark, and fucking you went up there and ate that shit up, son. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Those gigs were special, man. | ||
| Like, they felt like... | ||
| They felt historic. | ||
| They felt like we were doing something really fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which one is this? | ||
| This is the Utah one. | ||
| Oh, Utah was beautiful. | ||
| They were both beautiful. | ||
| Utah, look at that shit, son. | ||
| Yeah, the sky and everything above it. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| They were both beautiful. | ||
| I fucking love Utah, man. | ||
| I like going there. | ||
| Look at that shit, son. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Bam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam. | |
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, those shows felt special. | ||
| They felt like we're doing some fun shit. | ||
| Man, that shit is like energy, man. | ||
| That energy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That energy, like, it's like... | ||
| It was like some shit I would want to see. | ||
| Like, if I was a guy who liked stand-up but didn't do it, I want to see that show. | ||
| And it's the show, and then it's seeing other people enjoy the show. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Bumping into somebody, hey, we were at the Rogue and Chappelle show, you know? | ||
| No, it was fun, man. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| It was real fun. | ||
| Gotta do more of those, huh? | ||
| I'm starting my podcast. | ||
| You got me started, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Yo, you promised, son. | ||
| You said you was going to produce. | ||
| I promised. | ||
| You said you'd produce. | ||
| I don't back out our promises. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We're going to take care of it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| We had to take care of it. | ||
| We could just open up a branch. | ||
| That would annoy the fuck out of people, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| We'll hire a whole separate group of people so we could help people get podcasts launched. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People be like, there's two fucking million years in this. | |
| Too many! | ||
| You said you're going to do mine. | ||
| I'm going to do yours. | ||
| The first one, that's all. | ||
| I'm going to concentrate 100% on you. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I mean, if we did decide to do that, to have a branch where it just helped people get started with their shit. | ||
| But then too many people would ask. | ||
| Then you would have, like, people... | ||
| No, you gotta pick it. | ||
| You gotta pick it. | ||
| But then people get mad at you. | ||
| You don't pick them. | ||
| But don't nobody give a fuck. | ||
| You're dealing with some, like, record producer-type shit. | ||
| You find a horse in your bed, right? | ||
| It's like a yearly draft. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yearly draft. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Too much work. | ||
| Too much work. | ||
| We just produce yours. | ||
| We just produce yours. | ||
| That's it, man. | ||
| Just mine. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What was I thinking? | ||
| I was giving myself an extra job. | ||
| Producing yours is easy. | ||
| Your fans started fucking trying to bully me and shit. | ||
| Yo, I was in Orlando and all these motherfuckers look like you kept coming up to me. | ||
| They love you. | ||
| They look just like you, man. | ||
| They look like you. | ||
| They walk like you. | ||
| They dress like you. | ||
| They are you, sir. | ||
| And they come up and talk about what the fuck is up with the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| That's the truth. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Well, we got you. | ||
| We're rolling. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We're official. | ||
| You heard it here, folks, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's it. | ||
| We're rolling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You got me. | ||
| I'm going to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It has to be done. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's hard to get going with those things. | ||
| It's hard to figure out. | ||
| Five months, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Five months of me being nervous. | ||
| Five months of ducking you. | ||
| We had a couple conversations. | ||
| Five months of failed. | ||
| Yo. | ||
| We had a couple conversations. | ||
| I tried it one time. | ||
| I feel like I tried to do everybody's podcast at one time. | ||
| I had fucking green screen. | ||
| I had all type of shit going on, right? | ||
| And I just fucking was talking and I just couldn't get it. | ||
| And I said, man, fuck it. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| And I tried to quit my own shit. | ||
| Well, don't quit. | ||
| I'm not going to quit. | ||
| We'll help you. | ||
| You said that. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We're in. | ||
| It's moving. | ||
| The train is on the tracks. | ||
| The little engine. | ||
| Dude, I've been reading this book about the Wild West. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It's an audiobook. | ||
| I say I'm reading, but I'm really lying. | ||
| I'm listening to someone read this. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| At least you fessed up. | ||
| Oh, I always do. | ||
| Empire of the Summer Moon. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit, is it good. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Empire of the what? | ||
| Empire of the Summer Moon. | ||
| It's about the wars between the settlers and Native Americans. | ||
| I'm in like... | ||
| It's track four, whatever that means. | ||
| I guess that's chapter four. | ||
| Holy fuck, is it horrific. | ||
| Some of the things that happened to these people on both sides. | ||
| You like gory... | ||
| No, it's not that. | ||
| It's the history of the United States. | ||
| I'm fascinated by what happened... | ||
| With these tribes, and when these white settlers showed up, and I'm fascinated by what the tribes were doing before the settlers showed up, too. | ||
| And they detail a lot of that, too. | ||
| It talks about the Comanche, about what happened when the Comanche got horses, and they just really started getting really good at raising horses, and they had way more horses than anybody, and so they dominated. | ||
| It's fascinating stuff, man. | ||
| I mean, this wasn't that long ago that these Folks were riding horses, dominating landscape with bows and arrows and spears and hunting buffalo and cooking them over fire. | ||
| And elk. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Their life was... | ||
| It is like sort of fairytale movie type shit of Avatar people. | ||
| This is how a lot of these folks lived. | ||
| And it's savage, too. | ||
| The murders, when it talks about the murders and murdering settlers and babies and all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| If you can't handle that, don't read it. | ||
| You're not reading it. | ||
| You're listening to it, son. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're listening to it. | ||
| I'll listen to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that better than reading it? | ||
| It's just I can do it in my car. | ||
| I'm always driving around. | ||
| I mean, I try to read, but I don't read as much as I do listen. | ||
| I listen way more than I read. | ||
| You gotta go on the beach or something where you can hear like a book. | ||
| It's like, yeah, like flipping a page. | ||
| I might have to check that out. | ||
| I will check that out. | ||
| How bold is it to buy a house on the beach in 2019? | ||
| How bold is it to say, you know what? | ||
| I think everything is going to stay exactly the way it is. | ||
| These fucking scientists don't know jack shit. | ||
| Like if you buy a house in Santa Monica or something where you're on those stilts, Over the water. | ||
| It's going to go soon. | ||
| What are the odds? | ||
| Do they have odds on what parts of the shoreline get eroded completely over the next 10 years? | ||
| What are the odds? | ||
| I'm pretty sure somebody knows that, though. | ||
| Or somebody's predicting or planning for it. | ||
| Meanwhile, people are still buying those fucking houses. | ||
| Imagine trying to unload them when the water starts rising. | ||
| He's like, oh, we're at 12 degrees. | ||
| Hey, listen! | ||
| What are they going to do? | ||
| I mean, are they really going to lose all those houses? | ||
| Or do they get to push back? | ||
| Maybe they get to push back. | ||
| Push what? | ||
| Maybe they push the highway back a little bit. | ||
| Push the houses back a little bit. | ||
| Pick them up. | ||
| Back them up before the ocean comes. | ||
| No, they're going to take that L and rebuild, man. | ||
| Take the L. This is a real cockroach. | ||
| No, that's a tarantula wasp. | ||
| Yeah, tarantula wasp? | ||
| Hawk. | ||
| Tarantula hawk. | ||
| Is it in his dress to eat or something? | ||
| No, my friend was on the podcast talking to me about it, and he has a farm. | ||
| And he was telling me about these fucking things. | ||
| They land on tarantulas and fuck them up and lay their eggs in a tarantula. | ||
| It's dark shit. | ||
| And they're enormous looking. | ||
| And he was describing how big it was, and I was like, what? | ||
| And so then I get a package. | ||
| And it's one of these motherfuckers. | ||
| Show them a picture of it. | ||
| Can we put a picture of it? | ||
| And then they just come... | ||
| It's on a video of one fight. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But that is an actual real dead one. | ||
| And he has them around his vineyards. | ||
| Do you know the band Tool? | ||
| Oh, so he likes them then. | ||
| Well, he likes them there. | ||
| To kill the tarantulas, right? | ||
| I think they're all a part. | ||
| I don't think they'd want to kill tarantulas. | ||
| I think everything's a part. | ||
| It's all a part of the ecosystem there. | ||
| The only thing you want to get rid of is stuff that fucks up your crops. | ||
| The size of these things. | ||
| I mean, they're goddamn enormous. | ||
| I mean, if I could describe this, how big is this for people that are just listening? | ||
| If it's straightened out, it's a good solid three inches, wouldn't you say? | ||
| It's so creepy looking, yeah. | ||
| Wouldn't you say it's three inches, though? | ||
| It's like half the size of a terrestrial. | ||
| I don't want to hear any small dick jokes. | ||
| That's easy. | ||
| That's easy to know what three inches is, bitch. | ||
| That's three inches? | ||
| Two inches at least. | ||
| It's hard to tell because it's curved, folks, because it's dehydrated and dead and it's curled up in a ball, but I feel like if you straighten that fucker out, it'd be four inches. | ||
| That's a big bitch. | ||
| That's a big cockroach. | ||
| That's a big bitch. | ||
| That's an alarmingly large cockroach. | ||
| So we're looking at some shit from the animal planet. | ||
| What is this that we're looking at, Jamie? | ||
| Is this one laying the eggs in the tarantula? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Nature is so ruthless, man. | ||
| Man, this is gross. | ||
| But that's why it was so fascinating about that book, when they were detailing the lives of the Comanche, because they were brutal. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| I mean, but also, like, they were living like animals. | ||
| In the 1700s, they were living in this way. | ||
| In the 1800s, they were living in this way that it's incomprehensible. | ||
| For people from Europe. | ||
| Is it a series or anything or only a book? | ||
| It's just a book. | ||
| Someone, my friend the Jackalope on Instagram, he's a Hunter S. Thompson enthusiast. | ||
| That sounds like something that would be turned into a series. | ||
| It seems like it should be. | ||
| Someone, if they did like a real accurate account of these settlers trying to travel across the country and what happened to them and what happened to the Native Americans and the war with the... | ||
| The soldiers and all the treaties that were broken and all the horrible, horrific shit that happened to them. | ||
| But it's just, all that aside, which you can never ignore, all that aside, it's fascinating just to think of how they were living their lives. | ||
| Just riding around on horses, spearing buffalo, eating meat over a fire. | ||
| They didn't grow shit. | ||
| They didn't have baskets. | ||
| They weren't doing pottery. | ||
| They were just eating meat over a fire, making bows and arrows and fucking things up and dominating the West. | ||
| But they probably still had the same problems as everybody else. | ||
| They certainly had problems. | ||
| They probably had the same problems. | ||
| As everybody else. | ||
| It's just crazy to listen to the depictions of how they tortured the enemy. | ||
| It's hardcore. | ||
| To me, when you hear what's a well-researched, accurate account of something that happened in our past, it always makes me think. | ||
| It's hard to even believe that life was any different, even though we know it was. | ||
| In 1600 and 1500. It's hard for us to believe. | ||
| We can't even think about that. | ||
| We can't even think about what it would be like to live. | ||
| A bow and arrow? | ||
| In that time. | ||
| And these motherfuckers just riding horses. | ||
| I was in San Diego last week and they had some type of exhibit going on. | ||
| And this dude had some real bow and arrows. | ||
| Some long ass man-made. | ||
| Like real Native American ones? | ||
| And I almost stepped on it. | ||
| I just looked at it and I was like, God damn! | ||
| Think about the man, and if you could build a tool like that, you was the shit in the triangle. | ||
| Yeah, back then. | ||
| If you could build a good bow... | ||
| A good bow? | ||
| And practice that shit on something? | ||
| I wonder when the bow was invented. | ||
| When did people first start fucking each other up with bows? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| You know the Mongols had it. | ||
| That was in the 1200s. | ||
| And that was like this. | ||
| And there was no gauges or anything. | ||
| It's just like something that bent was a bow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, sometimes. | ||
| I mean, some of them, they were really skillfully made. | ||
| And they got really good with their arrows, too. | ||
| And they got really good with the right size and the right kind of wood. | ||
| So they would weigh like a similar amount. | ||
| And there was an art to teaching people how to shoot the bows and arrows. | ||
| But, God, they were so crude in comparison to what people have today. | ||
| Back then, it was the shit. | ||
| It was the shit. | ||
| The Mongols, they had a bow, supposedly, according to... | ||
| Who had a piece on the bows of the Mongols? | ||
| There was an article that was written about the bows of the Mongols. | ||
| What are the bows of the Mongols? | ||
| Just gigantic fucking bows that they was pulled back that were... | ||
| The Mongols was a tribe? | ||
| The Mongols, yeah. | ||
| Oh, the Mongols. | ||
| Dan Carlin's Hardcore History has this amazing series on it called The Wrath of the Khan. | ||
| And Dan Carlin said that their bows were like 160 pounds to pull back. | ||
| And so some guy wrote an article. | ||
| I cannot remember what it was in, but it was all detailing the science behind the bows of the Mongols. | ||
| But you couldn't lock it or anything. | ||
| You had to... | ||
| You had to just... | ||
| And hold it, right? | ||
| And hold it and then shoot these arrows. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You stretch it out, you can't aim until you have it stretched, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not good at that. | ||
| I don't know how to shoot one, honestly. | ||
| I mean, I kind of know the principles behind it. | ||
| I've maybe shot one ten times. | ||
| The one I use has a release. | ||
| You clip the release to the string. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different kind of thing. | ||
| What they're doing... | ||
| See, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| It's called a recurve bow. | ||
| And that guy, I mean, I don't know what he's pulling back, but I can bet these guys are strong as fuck. | ||
| Man, can you just imagine looking back and the dude has his bow already back there? | ||
| And some of them had deformities in their skeletons that they believe were... | ||
| We're probably caused by the injuries that they got from pulling back these heavy-ass bows. | ||
| They developed these calcified joints and all sorts of weird bone deformities just from pulling back these gigantic fucking bows. | ||
| It's so hard to pull something like that back. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Like a lot of people can't pull back like a 70 pound ball. | ||
| But you're not just talking pulling back. | ||
| You're talking about pulling back. | ||
| And holding it. | ||
| And trying to hit something. | ||
| Not just like phew. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| We're talking about. | ||
| A hundred times a day. | ||
| Two hundred times a day. | ||
| And keep going out there to find your fucking balls. | ||
| Your arrows and shit. | ||
| Like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Missing like shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| They had to be so fucking strong. | ||
| But they got it done. | ||
| If I could have a time machine, man, and just drop down and watch the Comanche run down a herd of buffalo and see them. | ||
| If I could just be a fly on the wall and watch what it was like to be a Comanche in the 1800s. | ||
| That would be fucking fascinating to see, man. | ||
| That would be an interesting eye. | ||
| Just people living in this really wild, nomadic, hunter life. | ||
| They barely even gathered. | ||
| They barely even ate nuts and berries and shit, apparently. | ||
| They had to be hunting all the time. | ||
| And they were using all kinds of fucked up methods, man. | ||
| They would light the fields on fire and chase them into rivers and shit. | ||
| The buffaloes. | ||
| It's wild shit, man. | ||
| And this is life or death for them, right? | ||
| If they don't get a buffalo, they don't eat. | ||
| Fuck, it is so... | ||
| There's something about it that's so fascinating. | ||
| You gotta come home with a motherfucking buffalo! | ||
| You have to, or nobody eats. | ||
| I wonder where they're like, man, we sick of these fucking potatoes, motherfuckers. | ||
| I don't think they had many potatoes. | ||
| There was a lot of buffalo. | ||
| What vegetables do you think they had? | ||
| There was a guy named Dan Flores that wrote a piece about what was happening once Native American tribes started riding on horses and running down buffalo. | ||
| And they were like, the numbers were getting decimated. | ||
| They were like, even if the market hunters didn't come along and kill all the buffalo, which they did, they said it just would have taken longer. | ||
| But these Native Americans on horses were so effective, they were eventually going to wipe them all out. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I would love to have seen what that was like, just to see those people existing. | ||
| You seem like you would like to live that life. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I like air conditioning. | ||
| I like food. | ||
| I like going to restaurants. | ||
| But it seemed like you would go if it was a weekend of that shit. | ||
| Oh, well, I've done it on weekends. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, sort of. | ||
| Like, I've gone camping and hunting. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| I mean, it's way easier to do than it is to do it with, you know, ancient bows and arrows and shit. | ||
| That's hard to do. | ||
| But there's probably arguably way more animals around back then, too. | ||
| Yeah, those motherfucking animals got shot up, son. | ||
| Those guys lived their entire life with no knowledge of the Western world. | ||
| There was many generations where they didn't have any contact, and then all of a sudden, the Spanish come here, and the French came here, and then all of a sudden, the 1400s, the 1500s. | ||
| I think they didn't even get horses until the Europeans brought them over. | ||
| And then they got, once they got horses, they just started kicking everybody's ass. | ||
| Especially the Comanches, apparently. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| This book is, it's got me, I've been thinking about it all day. | ||
| Did they take horses? | ||
| Yeah, they stole horses from people. | ||
| There's stories in there about them stealing horses from soldiers, didn't know what the fuck they were doing. | ||
| Comanches came and stole all their horses. | ||
| Yeah, they would steal all their horses and leave them to die. | ||
| Because you're in the middle of this fucking area with no food, no water, no rain. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| They were just leaving to die. | ||
| And they knew what they were doing by taking their horses. | ||
| And that was fun for them. | ||
| They were like, fuck you. | ||
| They were like, get these fucking horses. | ||
| Instead of just killing them, I mean, they could have killed them. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| They decided, you know what? | ||
| We're not even going to kill you. | ||
| We'll let you slowly run out of food and water. | ||
| You're about 300 miles away from anything to eat. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Damn, that's how they planned revenge and everything. | ||
| Hardcore, dude. | ||
| That is hardcore. | ||
| They'll just starve. | ||
| Like, they just had fucked up. | ||
| It's just reading these depictions of what the combat was like and the raids they did on these settlers' villages and shit. | ||
| Like, these people tried to... | ||
| They sold people land in, like, Cherokee or Comanche-infested territory. | ||
| They gave these people these giant swaths of land. | ||
| They said, here, build a house. | ||
| This will be perfect for you. | ||
| And they're like, oh, okay. | ||
| And so they moved in. | ||
| And then they took control of it? | ||
| And then Comanches came and killed everybody and took people slaves. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Who was the real estate agent on that deal? | ||
| Dude, the United States government, Uncle Sam's got your best interest. | ||
| I don't know who it was that told them to do that. | ||
| I think it was a Homestead Act. | ||
| It was one of those things where they were trying to get people to settle the West. | ||
| And the way they were doing it was they were offering anybody who would go out there, you would get a certain amount of land for free. | ||
| If you just go out there and you have to farm it for a little. | ||
| But then the Comanches, you said, came and took it. | ||
| They just fucked everybody up. | ||
| And that's what this story is about at this point. | ||
| It's fucking terrifying. | ||
| I want to watch that series, man. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| And Netflix needs to get on it. | ||
| Somebody's going to get on it. | ||
| It just felt too, like, really cowboy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That story seems like I could watch that shit. | ||
| It's a wild romantic connection that we always have to the way Native Americans live, but I've never really seen it depicted in this way as this book. | ||
| It's very fascinating. | ||
| Just amazing to hear what life was like hundreds of years ago right here. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I mean, the change. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| Out of nowhere. | ||
| Imagine if you looked at the year 1400 and then go back through time. | ||
| You could go hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. | ||
| Not much changes. | ||
| It all kind of looks the same. | ||
| Then all of a sudden, 1500, 1600 buildings, buildings, 19, 2000, 2019, planes, pollution, infrared, 5G, Occupy Mars. | ||
| I got a Mars t-shirt on. | ||
| It all happened so quick. | ||
| It did. | ||
| It's fucking cruise ships. | ||
| What's the size of that boat? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Giant boat that can't stop or slow down. | ||
| They bang into harbors. | ||
| You're just waving at people and just docking that shit. | ||
| In Cleveland, they got a line of those boats. | ||
| They just wait on the side. | ||
| When I was in Venice, the boats let out. | ||
| You got some peanuts or something, son? | ||
| Yeah, you hungry? | ||
| Are you hungry? | ||
| No, I can use some peanuts. | ||
| We don't have any peanuts, but that's a fat bomb. | ||
| That's an F bomb. | ||
| I don't want this shit, son. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| I don't want no pork. | ||
| That's healthy. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| Nobody want no... | ||
| I love those. | ||
| Don't say nobody. | ||
| What do you mean you eat this? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I do. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's mostly nuts and fats, healthy fats. | ||
| But a liquid? | ||
| No, it's like a gooey paste. | ||
| You chew it, can't do it. | ||
| Man, I don't want no goddamn gooey paste, man. | ||
| Fuck outta here, son. | ||
| Nah, that's all you, son. | ||
| That's all you, son. | ||
| I love these. | ||
| I eat the shit out of these. | ||
| They're called F-bombs. | ||
| Nah, man. | ||
| Yeah, this is salted chocolate macadamia. | ||
| One of my favorites. | ||
| But what is it supposed to do? | ||
| Gives me healthy energy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like say if I just need like a little bit of a snack, like if I'm gonna go work out or something like that, but I want to eat a full meal, I'll have one of these. | ||
| Or if in between meals, I'm like a little bit hungry, I'll have one of these. | ||
| Oh, you just squeezed that shit. | ||
| Yes, nutrition. | ||
| Yep, that's nutrition in a bag. | ||
| That's a free ad for F-Bomb. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| I love, like, I can't say that without sounding gay, but I love nut butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| How different from, like, peanut butter? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| I thought you were going to say how different from Jizz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| I mean, it's, it's, almond butter is a little different than peanut butter in the way, I don't know what, that's a good question. | ||
| They should get a new name. | ||
| I don't know who. | ||
| Nut butter. | ||
| Nut butter. | ||
| I don't think they ever expected. | ||
| What do you think is more, that's a good question, because I never really, what's more nutritious, peanut butter or almond butter? | ||
| Do we know? | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Let's Google. | ||
| What's more nutrition? | ||
| Which company makes it because there's going to be added nutrition. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Maybe there's a pure definition. | ||
| Maybe by definition or just by fact almonds have X amount percentage of this or that that peanut butter doesn't or vice versa. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Almond for the win. | ||
| But most people aren't allergic to almonds. | ||
| Not that most people are allergic to peanuts, but I've heard of more people being allergic to peanuts than almonds, right? | ||
| Because you always hear it on an airplane. | ||
| They have similar nutritional value. | ||
| Almond butter is slightly healthier than peanut butter because it has more vitamins, minerals, and fiber. | ||
| Both nut butters are roughly equal in calories and sugar, but peanut butter has a little more protein than almond butter. | ||
| So, pretty similar. | ||
| In the neighborhood. | ||
| Not a giant leap. | ||
| But people get... | ||
| Callan's mom's got an allergy to Brazil nuts. | ||
| Which is kind of crazy. | ||
| How do you find out what nut you're really allergic to is the question. | ||
| With some people, they barely survive it. | ||
| Some people, they're so allergic to peanuts that if they get on a plane, they will ask other people on the plane to not eat peanuts. | ||
| They'll say that, but you know what? | ||
| I mean, I don't know about that. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Out of all the times you've heard that announcement, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Somebody has had some peanuts on that plane. | ||
| Some fat dude just doesn't give a fuck about the world. | ||
| I don't think you have a flight. | ||
| Yo, planners, bitch. | ||
| He just eats it like this so no peanut dust gets in the air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's got peanut breath for the whole fucking flight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's secretly open. | ||
| He hears her coughing. | ||
| That's a weird allergy, man. | ||
| Nuts. | ||
| Peanuts. | ||
| Peanuts, it's a weird one. | ||
| It'll shut the whole fucking plane down. | ||
| Well, it's also a deadly one. | ||
| It's not like an allergy to milk. | ||
| Allergy to milk makes you fart. | ||
| You feel terrible. | ||
| You get lactose intolerance. | ||
| You know, allergy to peanuts is a serious one. | ||
| That's a death. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| That could kill you. | ||
| Your face deforming and everything, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that what happens? | ||
| I mean, the people that... | ||
| Well, I've seen that allergy reaction to, like, seafood, but I can imagine it's probably the same type. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There's so much shit that can kill you. | ||
| If you really wanted to sit down and freak out, you could. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's what's hard in life. | ||
| It's hard to keep your eye on positivity. | ||
| Just move forward in a purely positive... | ||
| It's so easy to think about all the shit that could go wrong. | ||
| All the stuff that can kill you and all the poisons and drugs. | ||
| All the distraction. | ||
| Like you say, it's easy to think of that. | ||
| But you want to know that stuff's out there. | ||
| You don't want to be ignorant. | ||
| You have to have some knowledge. | ||
| I think you should have... | ||
| A minimum amount of knowledge and a lot of shit. | ||
| Do you hear about the shit that's going down in Mexico? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| Where those Mormons got shot out by the cartel. | ||
| The first report, they tried to say they made a mistake. | ||
| They made a mistake? | ||
| Yeah, it was like, oh, they think that it was a hit went wrong. | ||
| That was original reporting, but now it's just a hit. | ||
| So now they think it's just a hit. | ||
| It's not a mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And some of the Mormons, a lot of them was like, fuck that. | ||
| We out of here. | ||
| They should. | ||
| They should get out of there. | ||
| Some are staying. | ||
| Plagued by deadly attacks, members of this Mormon community are fleeing Mexico. | ||
| I thought that was Theo Vaughn. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that why you did it to me? | |
| Yo, yo, yo. | ||
| I was like, God damn, man. | ||
| Yo, I was like, Theo Vaughn, what the fuck? | ||
| You was a Mormon, bro? | ||
| Oh, it's the video before it. | ||
| There he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| That's Theo Vaughn's future right there, buddy. | ||
| That's him. | ||
| That's Theo taking a break backstage on his stadium tour. | ||
| That is fucking Theo. | ||
| By this time, Theo's doing stadiums. | ||
| And he's like, hey. | ||
| We'll say. | ||
| That's fucking funny. | ||
| He's a funny dude, that Theo Vaughn. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| He's a very funny dude. | ||
| He's a unique guy. | ||
| His funny is very unique. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you see it written down on paper, you wouldn't know, why is that funny? | ||
| And then you see him say it on stage, you're dying. | ||
| It's because it's coming out of him. | ||
| It's out of him. | ||
| He's got to act like nobody could rip his act off. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| What are you going to do with that? | ||
| You've got to be that. | ||
| You've got to be that. | ||
| He's one. | ||
| You can watch him and you're like, yeah, man. | ||
| He's one of one. | ||
| Theo Vaughn's one of one. | ||
| I don't know a number. | ||
| Hamster bones. | ||
| He's like that other guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nobody says you're like Theo Vaughn. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| He's a Theo Vaughn. | ||
| That's like saying, like, you're like Brody Stevens. | ||
| I've never heard anybody say he's like Brody Stevens. | ||
| Shout out to everybody who can't read and write. | ||
| Y'all could have worked harder in school, but whatever. | ||
| Hope y'all are doing well. | ||
| Amen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, he's all about the Lord, man. | |
| He's all about the Lord, man. | ||
| Y'all could have worked harder in school, but whatever. | ||
| And you hear it coming out of his mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I remember he told me the story of why he didn't like black guys coming up because one of them jumped him on the school bus. | ||
| He was like, it was Tyrone Jenkins, right? | ||
| He knew the name and all I could do is respect the story, man. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, he's been fucking that forever. | ||
| He's a hilarious guy. | ||
| It's such a fun time for stand-up, man. | ||
| There's so many killers out there right now. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, like any night, if I go to the improv or I go to the store, any night, it's just murderers row. | ||
| I saw Damon working his new hour. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| He's doing his new hour in the lab. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's already good. | ||
| The comedy scene now is just, it's on fire now. | ||
| And he's, Damon was, he took time off, you know, so he decided to come back, just do these shows. | ||
| Have you seen him work it out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was funny, man. | ||
| Yeah, he knows how to do a special. | ||
| Always. | ||
| He's ready. | ||
| By the time he goes on stage, he's ready. | ||
| But he has a different approach. | ||
| He films every show. | ||
| Every single show he does. | ||
| He brings a tripod in his camera and he films it and then he watches it and analyzes it. | ||
| Oh, he'll get it down. | ||
| People will be interested to see him, too. | ||
| Remember the one special he did, The Last Stand? | ||
| He called it his last stand. | ||
| When he dropped the mic? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He was doing movies with Bruce Willis. | ||
| Remember he did that? | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| He's always been on fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was on fire. | ||
| He dropped the mic like, yo, that's so funny. | ||
| So does this start off with him picking the mic back up? | ||
| I've got money saying it. | ||
| I'm sure it's like this. | ||
| It would be hilarious. | ||
| It would be hilarious if he started this next special that way. | ||
| Pick the mic up. | ||
| I don't know if he's getting ready to do a special. | ||
| I think he's just putting together material. | ||
| It was fun listening to him, though. | ||
| We were all in the green room of the improv, and we're talking about just stand-up in general, his approach. | ||
| And, you know, he's a guy who works, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| I have a lot of respect for the way he puts together his shit. | ||
| He's not just going up there winging it. | ||
| He's covering all the bases. | ||
| He brings a fucking camera. | ||
| It made me feel lazy. | ||
| He's got a goddamn camera and a tripod that he's carrying around personally. | ||
| He's setting it up. | ||
| He goes home and edits the videos. | ||
| He puts them all on his computer. | ||
| And I'm sitting here going, oh, okay. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, I'm lazy. | ||
| Like, I need to get a goddamn tripod. | ||
| Nah, same. | ||
| Everybody got different systems, man. | ||
| That's true, but when someone takes the watching and analyzing that deep, I gotta go, hmm. | ||
| He might be onto something. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| Because don't you think that if you do a set and then you watch the set, it's almost like you did two sets? | ||
| No, sometimes I watch shit sometimes. | ||
| I watch shit with no sound. | ||
| Just to see what you look like? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| How do you look? | ||
| I look like I move around a lot. | ||
| I look like I'm telling a story. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, I look like I'm telling a story. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I look like I'm fucking telling a story. | ||
| But if you were going over new shit, right? | ||
| Like, say if you release a special and then you want to write a whole new hour, you would want as much feedback as you could get, like, personally. | ||
| Like, as you're formulating the bit. | ||
| You know how bits are just in the beginning. | ||
| You don't know where the fuck you're going. | ||
| It's a little clunky. | ||
| It'd be good if you could see it, too. | ||
| Yeah, but you know, you feel it more than anything, you know? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, you know, like, I think you have so many thoughts, you might want to, you know, write something down just so you can have all your thoughts in one space. | ||
| But you feel it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, you definitely do. | ||
| You feel it like, shit, you start talking about doing it more special. | ||
| You write chunks of material, you know? | ||
| And then, you know, it's once you feel good about something. | ||
| Yeah, I was just thinking his method is one step further than mine, which is just listening. | ||
| Like, I think he's probably... | ||
| That's probably the way to do it. | ||
| If you're gonna record your sets, you really should record, record. | ||
| Like, you really should have a fucking video of it. | ||
| And watch it. | ||
| It's like that level of discipline. | ||
| That's like next level discipline. | ||
| But then the way he writes is interesting. | ||
| He was like, I never really write things down in terms of like write the whole bit out. | ||
| He goes, I have ideas. | ||
| I have to say it. | ||
| And when he's saying it, he finds the funny. | ||
| I was watching him do this bit. | ||
| It was really interesting, because we were talking about it, and then I watched him go downstairs and do it. | ||
| And, you know, in the 90s, when I was just getting to the store, he was like a hero in the comedy world. | ||
| To be able to work with Damon Wayans at the comedy store... | ||
| When I was in my 20s, I was like, this is crazy. | ||
| That's Damon Wayans from the fucking Wayans Brothers. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The other candidate for the greatest sketch show of all time. | ||
| Those are my top two. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That's the other candidate. | ||
| So I'm sitting there working with him at the fucking goddamn comedy store. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Man, that's the weirdest thing, man. | ||
| When you're a young guy or a young girl, you know, you just get into comedy and you start to break through, hanging out with comics that you used to watch on television. | ||
| You're like, oh shit. | ||
| And then you realize it's just like, what the fuck just happened? | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's weird, but you get used to it. | ||
| You go, oh, they're just people. | ||
| But then you're hanging out with them for a reason, though, because everybody don't hang out with them. | ||
| Yes, that's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| There's a reason why you're hanging out with them and not everybody else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, at a certain point. | ||
| I mean, there's only so many people that are going to get passed at the store. | ||
| See, you at Marlin, damn, man, so you was out here when they were really just like... | ||
| The comedy scene was on fire. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| It was really black back then, wasn't it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The Comedy Store was, for sure. | ||
| Like, all the killers. | ||
| You know, there was Fat Tuesday. | ||
| That was the biggest room, like, the biggest promoter room. | ||
| Those Guy Torrey's. | ||
| Guy Torrey. | ||
| And, of course, Joe Torrey, who did Def Comedy Jam. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because everybody knew the Torrey Brothers. | ||
| So, that was a... | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| Tupac pulled a gun out at one of those or somebody with him. | ||
| Wasn't there some crazy story from the comedy store about Tupac almost getting in a gunfight in the fucking main room? | ||
| That could have been any story. | ||
| That could have been any story. | ||
| In the 90s, that could have been any story. | ||
| Yeah, the comedy story was wild back then. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, there was moments where it was wild. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Guy Torrey recalls, curving Tupac at the height of east-west tension. | ||
| Curving? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Stopping defusing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, I think there was some sort of firearm in the premises. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But anyway, it's like... | ||
| But then, other than those guys, though, here's the thing that was crazy. | ||
| There was a lot of guys that were there that were laid over from the 80s that you don't hear from anymore. | ||
| There was really funny people, too. | ||
| For whatever reason, they just never... | ||
| Never quite caught on for them. | ||
| And back then, they missed what we have now. | ||
| Because if you didn't get a television show and you didn't get on a movie, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, there was nothing else to do. | ||
| It was so few guys just got famous from doing stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Everybody did something else. | ||
| And then... | ||
| And that's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you wouldn't get fame in New York, but you could make a living in New York. | ||
| You could make a living in Boston, too. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| You could make a living. | ||
| You could make a living. | ||
| There ain't gonna be no extreme living, but you could make a living. | ||
| You had to have some kind of TV show or something where people would come to see you. | ||
| Martin had everything, obviously. | ||
| We just talked about it. | ||
| Most people relied on something else and some of them it just passed them by and then they were in their 40s and 50s and they had never really hit with anything and you'd see them hanging around but it was just like fuck it didn't work out and then this new crop came in after that the new crop came in like the 2000s the early 2000s you start seeing these new guys coming in and you start seeing like this one Ari Shafir was already killing at the club by then he was already doing like smaller spots by then I think he was probably even... | ||
| I wonder, when did he become a paid regular? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was on the comeback. | ||
| It went back and forth until now. | ||
| And now, over the last four and a half, five years, the comedy store is on fire. | ||
| Now it's not like anything else I've ever seen. | ||
| I can't even explain the energy on Tuesdays. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole fucking week is dope, but it's something about Tuesdays. | ||
| Tuesdays because everybody's off the road. | ||
| Tuesday just like, I think the comedy store on Tuesday nights right now. | ||
| Yeah, it's a hot night. | ||
| And then the energy, the patio energy, it's a good spot. | ||
| It's a great spot. | ||
| And then there's roast battle afterwards. | ||
| And then Tuesdays, a lot of times, Jeremiah does that stand-up on the spot show too. | ||
| He does that a lot on Tuesdays. | ||
| On which room? | ||
| He does it in the belly room. | ||
| He's doing it this Tuesday, but I'm at the improv. | ||
| I'm out of here. | ||
| Where am I to say? | ||
| I'm in D.C. Have you done that show? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The Stand Up On The Spot show? | ||
| No. | ||
| You just get blasted. | ||
| You just get as high as you can. | ||
| Just have like two or three drinks. | ||
| And then people yell out subjects. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Oh, you get this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Oh, that's something fun. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Every now and then you come up with a bit. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
| Oh, that would be fun. | ||
| That would be a real test. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| That's a real test. | ||
| You would excel at that. | ||
| You need to do that. | ||
| Yeah, I'll do that shit. | ||
| You need to do it. | ||
| He does it like one Tuesday a month. | ||
| I told him, why don't you do it every week? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's in the belly room, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 60 people? | ||
| Just do it every week, man. | ||
| I don't think he wants to. | ||
| I want to do it. | ||
| He needs to farm it out to have a bee promoter. | ||
| To just put it around? | ||
| Just have it every week. | ||
| If he doesn't want to do it every week, I get it. | ||
| I get not wanting to schedule it every week. | ||
| But that is a good place for the birth of a joke. | ||
| Oh my god, it's amazing. | ||
| And the audience knows you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. | ||
| Scariest feeling ever. | ||
| They're like this, wait a minute, this motherfucker just made this up. | ||
| And they know you're blasted. | ||
| Oh, so they get lit? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I do. | ||
| I don't do that show. | ||
| I don't do that show sober. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I'll smoke an L. I don't think I do no alcohol. | ||
| Well, I fucking... | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Yeah, that sounds like... | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Next thing you say, it's like, yeah, let me... | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Cheetos and tonic to go. | ||
| Yeah, just a little bit to get the old blood pumping. | ||
| Get the old don't give a fuck engine cranking. | ||
| Get in, go on. | ||
| What's up, Jamie? | ||
| There is a Tupac shootout story. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, so Joey Diaz had it on his podcast. | ||
| Yeah, he told it on his podcast. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He probably told me about it, too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Tupac came in, he's your friend, and got into a shootout. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's how Eddie Griffin got banned. | ||
| Eddie Griffin got banned because Tupac got into a shootout? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| There's still bullets on the Mondrain across the street. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Damn, son! | ||
| That's too much to go! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Now I'm responsible for Tupac getting into a shootout. | ||
| How crazy were the 90s? | ||
| Jesus, Tupac. | ||
| Him and Tretch from Naughty By Nature beat somebody up in the main room also. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| It's Guy Torrey's night. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yo, that night was off the hook. | ||
| I remember that night. | ||
| Fat Tuesdays. | ||
| Do you do Laugh Factory much? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you like it over there? | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yep, I have a good time. | ||
| I do Chocolate Sundays. | ||
| I do a lot of J. Davis shows. | ||
| It's a great room, the way it's designed. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a great room. | ||
| You know, the Ice House is a new owner now. | ||
| I heard about that. | ||
| New people bought the Ice House. | ||
| I haven't been on a new one. | ||
| I think they're going to just keep it basically the same. | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| And Bob is like, he's consulting for like a year. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| They run smoothly. | ||
| I mean, the Ice House has history. | ||
| That's a good room to work too. | ||
| Oldest room in the country. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It started stand-up comedy? | ||
| It started with like variety acts. | ||
| And then it went to full-time... | ||
| It was originally an ice house, like back before they had refrigerators, and people would buy ice. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That's why they call it the ice house. | ||
| And then it became like a variety show place where they'd have bands, and then they'd have a few comedians, and then they just went to straight stand-up. | ||
| But I think they went to straight stand-up in the 70s. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| 78. 78. And so, I think, I don't know, does that make them the oldest comedy club? | ||
| It seems like the comedy store was around back then. | ||
| I think that was full-time comedy then is what this says. | ||
| The comedy store wasn't full-time in the 70s? | ||
| What year did this store? | ||
| Was that 76? | ||
| Find out what year the store was opened. | ||
| You ever did the La Jolla store? | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| I love that room. | ||
| I was there last week. | ||
| That room's amazing. | ||
| That room is so cool. | ||
| I like those people. | ||
| I like San Diego people. | ||
| Yeah, they real chill. | ||
| Something about San Diego people. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| They're like less LA, but more California. | ||
| They're like chill people. | ||
| They're like nice Californians. | ||
| Like you said, they're nice Californians. | ||
| But they're not Hollywood. | ||
| They're like all the California but none of the Hollywood. | ||
| Like regular folks that live in a nice city in California with the great weather, but they're not Hollywood. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You nailed it. | ||
| I went down there and they had some festival going on downtown. | ||
| I ate this restaurant. | ||
| It was nice. | ||
| They're beautiful. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I love Santa Barbara, too. | ||
| You ever go up to Santa Barbara? | ||
| I don't spend a lot of time in Santa Barbara. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Santa Barbara's beautiful. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Not too many people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's pretty. | ||
| Man, these are the most Eric-nomically designed chairs ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it says the Comedy Store opened in 72, April of 72, but the Ice House was running from 1960 to 78 as a variety show, so comedians were going the entire time, so that's why it's distinctive as longest ongoing comedy club, because it's been going on there. | ||
| So it's had comedy forever, but it had other stuff as well, whereas the Comedy Store was only comedy, and that was 72. Right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| And what did it take to get a weekend at the fucking Ice House? | ||
| That was probably crazy, right? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Well, there probably wasn't that many clubs back then, right? | ||
| How'd you get work? | ||
| You get a weekend at the Ice House... | ||
| Shit, there's only one club. | ||
| There's not that many fucking, I know they had a shitload of comedians. | ||
| There used to be a place that my friend Adam Ferrari used to work at that was in, it was in like, fuck, like Westwood or Brentwood or something like that, that was a real clean place. | ||
| You had to be clean to work there. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| I know the club. | ||
| I think they said it's the spot that Leno hits on like... | ||
| Oh, you're thinking of the Comedy Magic Club in Hermosa. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. | ||
| I wasn't thinking about that. | ||
| No, I was thinking it was a place that Richard Jennings used to work out at all the time. | ||
| God damn it, I wish I could remember. | ||
| But I remember Ferraro was working there and him and I were buddies and I was in the back of the room going, God, I wish I could work here. | ||
| But I'm dirty. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Too naughty. | ||
| But I found them rooms to be challenging too. | ||
| On occasion. | ||
| Super clean rooms? | ||
| Yeah, just to say I could do it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They're weird. | ||
| It seems like they're waiting. | ||
| I love Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| And when I go there, it seems like it's my crowd. | ||
| But I've heard people say that they're told they can't talk about certain things. | ||
| They have a real nice clientele. | ||
| They've had them forever. | ||
| They have a certain vibe. | ||
| And I don't begrudge the guy. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| And I would do it. | ||
| If I ever went, I would understand that going in. | ||
| He's the only club that ever told me I couldn't have Joey Diaz open for me, though. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| He shut Joey down? | ||
| He was like, he's too crazy. | ||
| He's like, I love him. | ||
| He goes, I love him, but I just can't. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| But he's such a great guy, Joey didn't care. | ||
| Joey loves him still. | ||
| He's like, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I'm talking about eating mufflers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| I get it. | ||
| And Joey just said, Joey just said, give me the food. | ||
| I'll take the food. | ||
| That food is fantastic. | ||
| They have one of the best comedy club steaks ever. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The food at the Comedy Magic Club, it's like a really nice restaurant. | ||
| Like, if you ate there as a restaurant, you'd be happy. | ||
| The food's very good. | ||
| Do you have to wear a suit? | ||
| No, do you? | ||
| I hope not. | ||
| The Magic Castle, I think. | ||
| Oh, that's different. | ||
| That's the Magic Castle. | ||
| That Comedy Magic Club is in Hermosa Beach. | ||
| The Magic Castle is in LA. It's in Hollywood. | ||
| I've never been to that one. | ||
| But that one, you have to wear a suit. | ||
| I want to go. | ||
| Jimmy Schubert is a member of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He started as a magician. | ||
| Hell yeah, you can. | ||
| He's very old school. | ||
| Yeah, he got his fucking... | ||
| He'd probably keep a deck of cards somewhere. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Just in case you gotta pull out a magic trick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy and magic together is a weird combination. | ||
| When they have those shows at the Comedy and Magic Club, they'll have a magician do 15, then you do stand-up afterwards. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| It does it back... | ||
| But it's... | ||
| People enjoy it. | ||
| It's like a cool variety thing. | ||
| I could do it. | ||
| I've seen guys, the magician guys, like, they don't get to go up, so they're just going around the parties, just like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just like flipping cards and shit. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Them motherfuckers will suck all the women out of a fucking room. | ||
| With trickery? | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| Why do women like that kind of trickery? | ||
| They just want to be, I don't know, they just want to feel like... | ||
| They want to see some sorcery. | ||
| Yeah, some type of sorcery going on. | ||
| Magical. | ||
| Whenever they go... | ||
| You see them like... | ||
| Fairy tales are real. | ||
| And that's when shit starts disappearing and shit. | ||
| I've been with fucking David Blaine fucking took my watch off before. | ||
| Oh, did he really? | ||
| Yeah, he do some crazy shit, son. | ||
| How did he take your watch off? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He just did some David Blaine shit. | ||
| That makes me nervous. | ||
| This motherfucker regurgitated some frogs before. | ||
| It just makes me nervous that a guy would be so slick he would actually be able to take your watch off. | ||
| I know they exist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You said it happened to you. | ||
| I know other people have said it happened to them. | ||
| He's done it. | ||
| It's a team of them. | ||
| I think it's a team of them. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I believe it, but I've never seen it, but I think there's levels to everything. | ||
| If you get to some elite world champion gold medalist in the Olympics level of watch picking, you know what I mean? | ||
| Some dude just... | ||
| And it's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've seen dudes do shit with their hands when they move cards around, and it's fucking confusing. | ||
| Their hands are so goddamn fast. | ||
| They're dexterity when they're moving the decks together and doing that kind of shit. | ||
| I mean, some dudes have control of their hands that's just off the charts. | ||
| And if they're about picking watches... | ||
| They can get you. | ||
| They can get you. | ||
| You just made me look for my watch. | ||
| I'm like, did you just pick my shit? | ||
| Have you ever been pickpocketed? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| I've been robbed before, but never been pickpocketed. | ||
| But I think it's like... | ||
| What's this? | ||
| That's when he fucking David Blaine threw up the fucking frog. | ||
| Oh, where was the frog? | ||
| In his stomach. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Was the frog dead? | ||
| No, it was alive. | ||
| He spit out three of them, son. | ||
| What kind of torture is that? | ||
| He swallowed three dead frogs alive. | ||
| He didn't get any protests for that. | ||
| But they stayed in there. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| However he did, it freaked everybody out in that fucking room. | ||
| Bro, that takes balls to swallow a frog. | ||
| Like, what happens if that thing has bacteria in it or some weird disease and it breaks down in your gut? | ||
| What if you don't throw it up in time? | ||
| What if that motherfucker don't come back out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he just, until he run out of breath, like, he's just down there until he can't breathe anymore. | ||
| He's taking the guy's watch right there on the right. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's shaking his hands. | ||
| He just did it. | ||
| But how did he do it? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Let me see that again. | ||
| He does it in 10 seconds. | ||
| He's already jiggling it right now. | ||
| You can see him fucking with the strap. | ||
| And it's David Blaine! | ||
| See, I was fucking with the shirt. | ||
| It's already off now. | ||
| It's almost undone. | ||
| Now it's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| No one's paying attention to that. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That is impressive. | ||
| The way he shook it. | ||
| And he got his watch! | ||
| And it seems like he did some sort of a magic trick with the cards, too. | ||
| I'm sure he might. | ||
| That's the part of the deception. | ||
| Because that's what they're stunned by, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's a misdirection. | ||
| When people have that kind of hand control, stay the fuck away from them. | ||
| That's a dangerous person. | ||
| Yeah, man, way too much. | ||
| When do you have time to practice deception at that level? | ||
| I don't want to get anything from David Blaine. | ||
| That motherfucker, just look. | ||
| He just, oh, he gave it back. | ||
| Bro, you heard Whitney Cummings' bit about magicians? | ||
| No. | ||
| She goes, they don't like women liars. | ||
| That's why you never see women magicians. | ||
| I was like, oh shit. | ||
| That was one of those, when someone says something, you go, oh shit, that's true. | ||
| Find me a fucking woman magician. | ||
| There might be like three of them ever. | ||
| I don't think they exist. | ||
| The Women's Magicians Association of America is now outraged. | ||
| I'm sure there's some women magicians, but you don't consider... | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| We don't never... | ||
| I don't even know any of them. | ||
| I don't know any of them. | ||
| I know a bunch of male magicians, but maybe I'm a sexist piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand how no woman has broke the magician barrier. | ||
| I think magic. | ||
| As like a Penn and Teller form or David Blaine form. | ||
| I think it's an incredible art form that's very difficult for anybody. | ||
| And if it's not in your culture, right? | ||
| Like if it's not, it's not like a bunch of women, magician, guides, and you know, mentors that could help you figure it out. | ||
| It's probably weird for them. | ||
| Like who the fuck, why aren't there a lot of female magicians? | ||
| People like magic shows, right? | ||
| That's 100% right. | ||
| You ever go see Penn& Teller? | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| I haven't seen them live. | ||
| It's a fucking great show. | ||
| It's confusing. | ||
| They're too professional. | ||
| They've been doing it for a while. | ||
| Jamie, what do you think? | ||
| Why do you think there's no female magicians? | ||
| How many of them are there? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I just googled famous female ones and I have never heard of the top five that came out. | ||
| Let me see what you got. | ||
| Give me a top five. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I don't even know where to start. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| Faye Presto. | ||
| She's probably going, I ain't never heard of you either, motherfucker. | ||
| Misty Lee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say that name. | |
| Ninkai? | ||
| Ninkai? | ||
| Ninkai, maybe? | ||
| Ninkai. | ||
| Kristen Johnson. | ||
| Dorothy Dietrich. | ||
| Dietrich? | ||
| Dietrich. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't know who those people are either. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| They're traditionally assistants. | ||
| I don't know if there's some problem with crossover from assistant to top villain. | ||
| Oh, like maybe if you have assistant and she's like super hot, she's like, I want to do magic too. | ||
| You're like, baby, I'm the magician. | ||
| You're the assistant. | ||
| But I can fucking do it. | ||
| I know how. | ||
| You're like, but baby, listen. | ||
| And then after a while, you know, she's hot and you're not and he's just trying to keep her. | ||
| And he's like, okay, okay, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's try something. | |
| Let's try something. | ||
| She can do it if she's a magician. | ||
| She can make anything happen. | ||
| Maybe if you just taught me with a little more patience, maybe I could do exactly what you're doing, but you're afraid. | ||
| You're afraid that I'll be better than you. | ||
| Is that what this says? | ||
| That's how she would be. | ||
| I picture her with fiery red hair, a tight waist, a But I've really never ever, that's so crazy, I've never seen a female magician perform. | ||
| When Whitney said that joke, I was howling. | ||
| I was like, ah! | ||
| That's one of those ones where you're like, oh my god, how come nobody ever pointed that out before? | ||
| She caught it and she ran with it. | ||
| It's such a good point, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why we don't like women liars. | |
| That's why you've never seen a female magician. | ||
| Because everybody has to go, oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| There aren't any female magicians. | ||
| Everybody doesn't have to go. | ||
| It's one of those things where you hear it and you go, fuck, she's right. | ||
| She is right. | ||
| What other job is there where there's no females? | ||
| This is not the reason why, but this is an interesting point. | ||
| Someone asked this question in an article in 2013, and one person said the reason that some kids get into magic is because they got beat up. | ||
| It's like they had to find magic, and that's what led them to making friends. | ||
| A lot of girls don't end up having that problem. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's a chick magnet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I could really see that as something for a guy to build his confidence up with. | ||
| This is what we combine. | ||
| There's not a lot of money in being a fitness chick. | ||
| On Instagram, sticking your ass out. | ||
| The market's kind of flooded, but you can separate yourself from the pack. | ||
| If you're a fitness chick, who does magic? | ||
| Magic with big tits and spandex. | ||
| Come on, kids. | ||
| That could work. | ||
| That could work. | ||
| Magic in the most revealing, ridiculous yoga outfit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Barefoot. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Barefoot. | ||
| Making shit disappear. | ||
| Bending over for no reason all the time. | ||
| Contortionist. | ||
| Macklemore says he's a magician now, releasing magic rap album. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Yeah, I heard this the other day. | ||
| I like that guy. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| He's a magician. | ||
| I bet he could do it. | ||
| He's going to have magic rap. | ||
| Maybe he loved magic already. | ||
| What can stop someone from being a magician? | ||
| That's one of those gigs where kind of anybody could do it. | ||
| What? | ||
| Magician? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, not anybody can do it well, don't get me wrong, there's a lot of skill to it, but I'm saying nothing's gonna stop you from practicing. | ||
| You could get a book, you could take classes, right? | ||
| You could buy a kit, right? | ||
| People learn how to do magic. | ||
| Nothing can stop you. | ||
| First ever magic rap album. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| What do you think that could mean? | ||
| Anything he wants it to mean. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| Maybe it's just to get us to talk about it. | ||
| Not us, but everybody. | ||
| That's what they want. | ||
| Something to talk about. | ||
| It's a good marketing move. | ||
| He's a brilliant fella. | ||
| He nailed it. | ||
| We're all like, what? | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| You've got to trick people these days. | ||
| Trick him into anything? | ||
| Just confuse him. | ||
| That's almost what he's saying. | ||
| He's like, what if I can buy my natural ability? | ||
| I gotta go see my son soon, son. | ||
| You gotta leave? | ||
| I gotta see my son, son. | ||
| I just came in. | ||
| Today is one of those days that I dragged in on the road. | ||
| I just came in from Pleasanton this morning. | ||
| And I came with you. | ||
| And I'm going back out tonight on the red eye. | ||
| Oh, it's a quick in and out. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Alright, well, let's wrap this up. | ||
| Then it's like... | ||
| That's the worst thing about the road for me, is leaving my son. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I feel the same way. | ||
| Not about your son, obviously. | ||
| Yeah, thank God. | ||
| But about my own kids. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're like, I'm out, and then you just like... | ||
| Certain times, like, you just want to be home. | ||
| I just... | ||
| Just a quick visit. | ||
| It's a little upsetting, but... | ||
| I'll be back next week. | ||
| Dude, we're going to get this podcast launched. | ||
| It's going to change your life. | ||
| You promise? | ||
| It's launched. | ||
| We got it. | ||
| Can I just say where I'm going to be? | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| I'm going to be at the MGM Springfield. | ||
| The MGM Graham in Springfield. | ||
| I think they have a comedy club there. | ||
| MGM Graham. | ||
| Springfield, Illinois? | ||
| No, Springfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| They just announced today that Martin Lawrence, the Lit Tour, Lit as Fuck Tour, is coming out. | ||
| Tickets on sale. | ||
| And I'll be doing some dates coming this year. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| And Degenerates, son. | ||
| And Degenerates on Netflix. | ||
| Netflix. | ||
| And the new podcast, which is going to be called Too Soon. | ||
| Don and Rollins Show. | ||
| Don and Rollins Show. | ||
| You produced it. | ||
| You already said it, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| It's real ghetto right now, but I'll make it better. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Keep it real. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Dude, that's perfect. | ||
| Just do it exactly like that. |
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