Aug. 7, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:59:26
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, Annie. | ||
| Hello, Joe Rogan. | ||
| The leopard theme. | ||
| You have leopard jackets. | ||
| Today you have a leopard top. | ||
| Is this just coincidental or is there something to this? | ||
| Well, I'm a little bit white trash and I want everyone... | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| I liked Married with Children. | ||
| You can pull this up. | ||
| I'm a little bit... | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm trying to get comfortable. | ||
| Are you comfortable? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Am I? I'm nervous. | ||
| You seem comfortable. | ||
| Am I supposed to be not nervous? | ||
|
unidentified
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You're fine. | |
| You're fine. | ||
| I'm with the king. | ||
| Anyway, okay. | ||
| So, Leopard. | ||
| Leopard. | ||
| I like Married with Children. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You like Married with Children? | ||
| Peg Bundy? | ||
| Well, I was going to go for Kelly, but thank you. | ||
| I like Dumb and Slutty. | ||
| No. | ||
| I do have my friend who started pegging her boyfriend in my phone as Peg Bundy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa. | |
| That's her name. | ||
| She started pegging her boyfriend? | ||
| She got a new boyfriend. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whose idea? | |
| His. | ||
| I think he's gay, honestly. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Listen, if you get pegged, I'm not saying you're gay for sure, but this guy... | ||
| This guy's gay. | ||
| This guy I think is gay. | ||
| And what did she think? | ||
| They broke up. | ||
| She thinks he's gay. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| They broke up. | ||
| Why did they break up? | ||
| He was emotionally unavailable because he's gay. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I think he's looking for something with a dick. | ||
| So, was there other signs? | ||
| With him that he might be... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that he just was not... | ||
| Maybe he's just an emotionally unavailable guy, but he seemed to have a lot of issues around wanting to get dicks in his hands. | ||
| So it seems like maybe he needs to try maybe a less plastic one. | ||
| Yeah, well, he probably is already trying it, don't you think? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, I don't think he just... | ||
| Why would you waste your time with a rubber dick strapped to a woman if you could just go get... | ||
| Maybe Jesus. | ||
| Jesus maybe. | ||
| Some Christian stuff, like you just can't take the real dick. | ||
| Yeah, maybe it's like internalized homophobia. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Or maybe he's just like transitionary. | ||
| Like maybe two years from now he'll look back and go, God, I used to make girls fuck me in the ass. | ||
| I was such a dickhead. | ||
| Why did I do that? | ||
| I should have just come out. | ||
| Yeah, or maybe he likes the feminine aspects of a woman and the rock-hard cock part of a dude. | ||
| There's a lot of people that like that. | ||
| He needs to get... | ||
| There needs to be like a... | ||
| Well, I guess that's what a... | ||
| He needs a hermaphrodite is what he needs. | ||
| Well, Whitney Cummings was telling me that those sex robots, you know, you saw her special, they made a sex robot, that they're really popular where they have a woman's body and a dick. | ||
| Those ones are really popular. | ||
| All right. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You get to live your... | ||
| You're just greedy. | ||
| You just want everything. | ||
| Inside, outside, give it to me. | ||
| I had a guy call into my podcast about his wife won't peg him enough, and he's a cuck, but she won't. | ||
| Yeah, but she makes love to him while she pegs him, and he wants to be just destroyed, you know? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he's a cuck, but she won't fuck black guys. | ||
| So he's just, he's like, I'm like, I feel like for what you want, you should be very grateful. | ||
| You have this woman that's pretty down, but there's always more. | ||
| So I'm wondering if he just wants more or if... | ||
| Isn't that the same with, but just that's how it is with people. | ||
| If you go back to the early days of porn, it was basically just pizza delivery men and sorority girls and sex. | ||
| And everybody had a bush. | ||
| But then you look at today, everyone's gagging and slapping and choking and spitting. | ||
| And not choking on pubes. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| There was none of that back then. | ||
| Now it's like standard. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like everything keeps getting pushed. | ||
| Boundaries keep getting pushed. | ||
| Everyone's getting the fishhook. | ||
| Poor Aziz. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| Aziz watched the wrong porn. | ||
| Aziz? | ||
| Oh, did you fishhook that girl? | ||
| Remember when he got in trouble? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| What a disaster. | ||
| Have you seen a special? | ||
| I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| I watched a clip and it shot so bad. | ||
| It's like you see him and then you see people behind him in the backstage area milling around and he's on a seat. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| It's like there's doors open in the back and then people walking behind the doors. | ||
| It's like some odd artistic choice to try to be like... | ||
| It doesn't matter that I'm up here? | ||
| Yeah, like it's no big deal. | ||
| Life still goes on even though I'm up here, which means you were thinking that life doesn't go on and you wanted to show people that life goes on. | ||
| Dude, that's deep. | ||
| You were insecure about how narcissistic you are and then you tried to fight it. | ||
| Well, I was thinking it was the director's choice. | ||
| Who was the director? | ||
| Was it Spike Jones? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he tried to do something crafty, which, you know, is kind of interesting in any other format. | ||
| I mean, it'd be interesting if it was a conversation, it was just, you know, two people talking and they're in a public square and you see people milling around behind them. | ||
| That's not distracting. | ||
| But with stand-up, the more things you have to think about other than what the person's saying, the more it's going to take away from what the person's saying. | ||
| Yeah, it does feel weird to just... | ||
| I mean, you know, I go on with the leopard print jacket sometimes, but I like to dig myself a little hole. | ||
| Yeah, but the leopard print jacket's just cool. | ||
| It's just funny. | ||
| It's not distracting. | ||
| It's just here she is. | ||
| I like... | ||
| You know, I have my toy sword. | ||
| I don't know if you've been around for any of those sets, but... | ||
| You have a toy sword you bring on sometimes? | ||
| Sometimes I bring one on. | ||
| You know, it's late at night. | ||
| You gotta wake them up. | ||
| What kind of sword? | ||
| Like a buccaneer sword? | ||
| Just a plastic sword from the toy store. | ||
| I spend a lot of time with props. | ||
| I... I have fake blood on me most times. | ||
| I don't know when I'm going to be inspired to take a funny picture. | ||
| To make a pratfall? | ||
| To make a pratfall. | ||
| Did you see the pratfalls that we did? | ||
| Me and Steven Randolph, one of the door guys at the Comedy Store. | ||
| No one was those. | ||
| They posted on the Comedy Store thing. | ||
| Oh, no, no, I did. | ||
| We challenged each other to three pratfalls. | ||
| It's so embarrassing. | ||
| Listen, after Brody died, I was like, I'm going all out. | ||
| I'm experimenting. | ||
| I'm having as much fun as I can. | ||
| You know, obviously it's about jokes, but sometimes you've got to really just... | ||
| You gotta just have your time up there. | ||
| The Brody one was hard on everybody. | ||
| Oh, that was the worst. | ||
| Didn't make any sense. | ||
| That was one that it just felt like swallowing a dry rock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how? | ||
| Like, how's that guy gone? | ||
| It just feels... | ||
| He was just such a big presence. | ||
| And then it's sad to... | ||
| I don't want to talk too much about ayahuasca on here because I know that's what everyone does. | ||
| But I did... | ||
| And when I did a trip on ayahuasca, it was right after that. | ||
| And it helped me a lot with that because I kept thinking about... | ||
| How sad it was that he couldn't feel us hugging him. | ||
| We loved him. | ||
| Brody was loved. | ||
| We loved that man. | ||
| He was our brother, you know? | ||
| And that was the sad part. | ||
| Well, I mean, I just feel like there's no way any of us could ever understand what's in anybody else's brain. | ||
| I don't know what's in yours. | ||
| You don't know what's in mine. | ||
| We assume that there's a similar thing happening inside our head as other people's heads. | ||
| And I think that's wildly incorrect. | ||
| And I think some people are just in pain all the time. | ||
| And there's not much you can do as a friend to help them. | ||
| I mean, I felt the same way about Bourdain. | ||
| When Bourdain died, it was just... | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I just don't understand how someone who's so loved, you know, he has this amazing job, has a beautiful daughter, and he has this life that's extraordinary and very interesting and deep, and he gets to meet these fascinating people and travel the world and expose people to all these incredible artists and culinary artists, and yet still couldn't take it, didn't want to be here for whatever reason. | ||
| And I just think about it. | ||
| It's like, so they're okay. | ||
| They're off wherever we go or whatever happens. | ||
|
unidentified
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They've... | |
| Transcended. | ||
| Came back. | ||
| They're floating around somewhere. | ||
| But it's like, selfishly, I'm like, I want more Brody. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I want him back. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And then you see people, they just fade. | ||
| Each year goes by, which is going to happen to all of us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know... | ||
| Luckily, he had a lot of catchphrases. | ||
| A lot of stuff online. | ||
| I love the poster in the back of the store. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| I kiss it every time I walk by it. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not touching it anymore. | ||
| Yeah, I lick it. | ||
| I give it my herpes. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow! | |
| I don't have herpes yet, Joe Rogan audience. | ||
| But if you do, it's on that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| And honestly, if you have it, it's fine. | ||
| When are they going to have a vaccination? | ||
| They must have one already. | ||
| Do you think the government's keeping it from us? | ||
|
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Sure. | |
| What do you think, conspiracy theorist? | ||
| Jamie's not a conspiracy theorist. | ||
| Yes, he is. | ||
| Why do you say that? | ||
| Because he already sparked up when we talked about the aliens thing. | ||
| Oh, did he bring up Ohio? | ||
| No. | ||
| I left it all out. | ||
| But he got his eyes. | ||
| There's just something. | ||
| There's a spark they have. | ||
| Conspiracy theories? | ||
| Yeah, they have a little spark in their eye. | ||
| He perked up. | ||
| He kegeled his asshole a little bit when I brought it up. | ||
| Yeah, but it was really funny. | ||
| The last question I asked him was about UFOs. | ||
| Just kind of almost as a joke, but just as a goodbye. | ||
| Keep it silly. | ||
| That's all I'm reading. | ||
| It's in fucking hundreds of articles. | ||
| It's all, Bernie Sanders says he will tell the world about aliens if he becomes president. | ||
| That's the thing that they took out of that. | ||
| Well, it's smart of him. | ||
| It feels like Trump's straws. | ||
| It's like smart. | ||
| If Bernie had said it, if Bernie had brought it up, I would have been like, that is a brilliant tactic. | ||
| But don't you think the people that believe in aliens are already going to vote for, or that are the most hung up on it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You don't think they're the same? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I think they vary wildly. | ||
| Conspiracy theorists are left-wing, right-wing. | ||
| And the alien one is different than any other one. | ||
| And I think there's a lot more people that are alien lovers that cross both sides. | ||
| I think it's just one of those things where you want a space daily. | ||
| Like alien lovers, guys that fuck aliens. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'll only fucking aliens. | ||
| That's alien fuckers. | ||
| You're holding out for Dr. Manhattan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do people claim that? | ||
| I bet you they do. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Do you know there's people really into Bigfoot sexually? | ||
| There's like all these novels written about Bigfoot. | ||
| It's like, just go date a tall Armenian. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's not that hard. | ||
| Go to Glendale. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| Go to the Galleria. | ||
| There's Bigfoot. | ||
| This is a very localized reference. | ||
| There's Bigfoot porn. | ||
| You get it. | ||
| I do get it. | ||
| Bigfoot erotica. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's like really common. | ||
| What if he had a small dick? | ||
|
unidentified
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Bigfoot? | |
| Like, you always hear about the really tall guys with the tiny dicks, and when I say hear about them, you hear about them. | ||
| See, look at this. | ||
| Seduced by Bigfoot. | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| And ravaged. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| Come for Bigfoot. | ||
| Virginia Wade. | ||
| Bigfoot bitch. | ||
| Narrated by Lolita Young. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Narrated? | ||
| You mean this is an audiobook? | ||
| You know what they say. | ||
| The bigger the Bigfoot... | ||
| Bigger than... | ||
| Bear in the bones? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I like a guy with a really hairy dick, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| People say, listen, people say they don't like too much hair on balls. | ||
| I say, get it all the way under the shaft. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Boffing Bigfoot? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| I like that her name's Ann-El. | ||
| Oh, wait, wait, wait. | ||
| Gay Bigfoot. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Last row. | ||
| Ann-El probes. | ||
| What is gay Bigfoot? | ||
| Look, he's smoking his cigarette after he fucked. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| A mouthful of Sasquatch. | ||
| I feel like I've met that man. | ||
| That looks like one of the door guys at the comedy store. | ||
| That's one of the door guys that got fired. | ||
| This is a whole genre of erotica. | ||
| There's a bunch of women that write these books. | ||
| This Virginia Wade lady, she's apparently very prolific with her Bigfoot erotica. | ||
| She writes quite a few of these. | ||
| How many does she have? | ||
| Well, that was at least 13 come for Bigfoot. | ||
| Come for Bigfoot number 13. She just makes shit up. | ||
| Then, there I was, walking the dog, and the dog had a heart attack. | ||
| Next thing, Bigfoot's dick is in my mouth. | ||
| I have a good pun. | ||
| Harry and the Hummersons. | ||
| Henderson. | ||
| Don't think it out loud. | ||
| I was sounding it out. | ||
| I can't read. | ||
| Everyone leave me alone. | ||
| What did you expect me to come on in beer? | ||
| Fucking smart. | ||
| So there's at least 13 books. | ||
| I bet Virginia Wade lives in a fucking giant mansion, drives around in a roll. | ||
| It's probably a dude. | ||
| No. | ||
| I bet it's Bigfoot 5 Baby. | ||
| Come for Bigfoot Baby? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| See that one? | ||
| Come for Bigfoot. | ||
| Five. | ||
|
unidentified
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Baby. | |
| Why does it say baby? | ||
| See that? | ||
| Seymour. | ||
| Right hand side. | ||
| All the way to the right. | ||
| Up. | ||
| Above it. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Maybe they have a Bigfoot baby. | ||
| It looks like a come and cider one. | ||
| So she's got... | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Google Virginia Wade's Bigfoot. | ||
| Is that her right there? | ||
| She looks normal. | ||
| It might have been. | ||
| Is that a photo of her? | ||
|
unidentified
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Go back. | |
| Go back. | ||
| It was a different book they were talking about. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The Boff for Bigfoot. | ||
| Is that her? | ||
| Is that Virginia Wade? | ||
| That's a normal-looking lady. | ||
| That might not be her, though. | ||
| Oh, Amazon pulls Boffed by Bigfoot romance novels from shelves. | ||
| What? | ||
| Why are they censoring Bigfoot porn? | ||
| Yeah, that is odd. | ||
| Look at the gif. | ||
| Okay, why don't... | ||
| Why didn't anyone tell me about these literary treasures? | ||
| Oh my god, I thought for a second the long but interesting read was about the book. | ||
| This is a long but interesting read. | ||
| Why are they pulling it? | ||
| Why are they pulling this? | ||
| She's a stay-at-home mother from Colorado. | ||
| Of course she is. | ||
| No real writing experience. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| You don't even have to be good. | ||
| She spent all day waxing her nipples. | ||
| She couldn't get to come to terms with her hairy body and then she realized all she needed was to find her match. | ||
| She says, I get this crazy idea of her story. | ||
| So she sat down and wrote the entire book in an hour. | ||
| More of a novella. | ||
| There's no second draft. | ||
| That's what I love to hear from my authors. | ||
| You wrote this all in one draft. | ||
| She said just 12,000 words in a matter of weeks. | ||
| She's been considered trying to sell it to a mainstream publisher. | ||
| Instead, she went directly to Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing, an online platform for self-publishing, 70% royalty rate for authors. | ||
| I think she sold a fuckload of those. | ||
| Yeah, it had to go viral. | ||
| Here's the line from it, if you want to... | ||
| I don't think he's monogamous. | ||
| But let's... | ||
| Bigfoot? | ||
|
unidentified
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Nah. | |
| So, click on that Bigfoot Insider Monster Porn Amazon Crackdown link. | ||
| So, let's find out what the fuck is going on here. | ||
| Why would they crack down on that? | ||
| Ooh, ad blocker, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Okay, what's it saying? | ||
| Yeah, this dude's so hot. | ||
| Author Virginia Wade's fiction debut follows a group of women who embark on a week-long camping trip to Mount Hood National Forest. | ||
| They are in the shadow of Oregon's highest mountains. | ||
| They're kidnapped and sexually assaulted by a mysterious woodland creature. | ||
|
unidentified
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How confusing is this? | |
| What the hell is that thing? | ||
| Asked one protagonist. | ||
| That's some good writing. | ||
| It's fucking Bigfoot, hiss Shelly. | ||
| He's real, for fuck's sake. | ||
| Horror filled her eyes with a huge C-dash-dash-dash. | ||
| I'm saying that says cock. | ||
| Corn. | ||
| His feet are fucked up. | ||
| His feet are fucked up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay, but why do they take them down? | ||
| This reminds me of my friend from middle school's boyfriend who was Sicilian. | ||
| He was just so hairy and he looked... | ||
| It's been downloaded more than 100,000 times. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's five bucks. | ||
| That means she made $500,000 for the Fletcher Shitten book. | ||
| For one hour of work. | ||
| Well, she made 70% of it at least. | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| I bet you the other books didn't take as long either. | ||
| Wow, during her best months, she's netting 30,000 or more in a month, writing Bigfoot jerk-off books. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Taken by pirates. | ||
| Oh, she branched off into other genres. | ||
| It's all just getting fucked. | ||
| Taken by pirates. | ||
| Seduced by the Dark Lord. | ||
| It's like getting fucked by demons and pirates. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| I'm getting traumatized. | ||
| A traumatic thing is coming up for me right now. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Do you want to hear it? | ||
| What? | ||
| My mom wrote Romance novels when I was... | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
|
unidentified
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What kind? | |
| Did you read them? | ||
| No, I didn't read them. | ||
| They were never published? | ||
| So it was really just a fuck journal. | ||
| You read your mom's fuck journal? | ||
| I didn't read it, but she had romance novels around, and I was really good at skimming to the sex scenes. | ||
| I knew how to flip through. | ||
| Flick my bean to it. | ||
| So, your mom wrote... | ||
| She was a part of this thing called Romance Writers of America, and she actually won awards, and then she never followed through. | ||
| So she could have published the book and probably had success. | ||
| And then she had a whole, it was like a whole suspense romance. | ||
| Selena's Revenge was what it was called. | ||
|
unidentified
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Selena? | |
| Like the singer? | ||
| No, but that's really funny. | ||
| She came back to fuck Bigfoot? | ||
| No, she fucks the girl who killed her. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She's dead. | ||
| I like that lady. | ||
| That little weirdo. | ||
| I mean, I don't like her because she killed her, but she's like a real weird... | ||
| You mean the girl who killed Selena? | ||
| You know who she reminds me of? | ||
| She reminds me of... | ||
| I definitely don't like her. | ||
| But she reminds me of the little woman from... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Can't remember. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| David Lynch. | ||
| That show. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Twin Peaks. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Wasn't there a little lady in it? | ||
| I don't remember Twin Peaks very well. | ||
| But there was a little lady in it. | ||
| I only watched a few episodes back in the day. | ||
| But I just remember usually from the TV movie with Jennifer Lopez in it. | ||
| Did she play Selena? | ||
| She played Selena. | ||
| That was her big break. | ||
| She was a fly girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then she got super hot and that big ass was exposed to us in Selena outfits. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| But why did that girl kill her? | ||
| She was her assistant, right? | ||
| Yeah, she was just such a big fan. | ||
| I think she was just obsessed with her. | ||
| So she killed her because she was a big fan? | ||
| People are fucking crazy. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| She probably hated her because she made her wash her laundry and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't know. | |
| She was her assistant, right? | ||
| Or I think she was the head of her fan club. | ||
| Assistants get weird with people. | ||
| Did you ever hear the David Spade story? | ||
| His assistant tasered him and fucking tied him up and shit and wound up going to jail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it a girl or a guy? | ||
| A guy. | ||
| Was he trying to fuck him? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he just hated him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I feel like Spade would be a nice employer, but maybe not. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe he is now. | ||
| He's got tased and beat up. | ||
| Wow, I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| See if you can find that story. | ||
| Spade's had some shit happen. | ||
| He got catfished. | ||
| He got catfished? | ||
| He got catfished, but he told it on the Norm MacDonald show. | ||
| Who catfished him? | ||
| Someone catfished him. | ||
| He thought he had met this model on Twitter. | ||
| LOL. And then he saw the model in real life and was like, hey, Twitter. | ||
| And she was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| He said something. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oof. | |
| So embarrassing. | ||
|
unidentified
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I moved in. | |
| Spade's cool as shit. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| David Spade's assistant pleads guilty to assault. | ||
| Make that larger, please. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Do not hire someone named Skippy. | ||
| Audit him to stay at least 100 yards away from Spade and perform 480 hours of community service. | ||
| If somebody tased me, I want more than community service. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, that's not enough. | |
| Because that's a threat and they tied you up and shit? | ||
| How did it end? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| It says David Spade 36. What was this? | ||
| In the 20s? | ||
| 2001. Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's the beginning of the article. | ||
| 2001. Okay. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He tied him up. | ||
| I wonder how the story ended. | ||
| How did he get out of it? | ||
| Is he just really good with untying knots? | ||
| I get the guy, I get tired of fucking him. | ||
| I'm getting shocked. | ||
| Says he was angry in a psychotic state due to cocaine the morning of the attack. | ||
| I mean, I've done coke before. | ||
| I don't think I've been like, let me tie up my boss and taser him. | ||
| You've never done coke with David Spade. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Or around him. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he's, you know, telling you to take the dog out and you're like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm too hyper... | |
| You said the co-star of the NBC sitcom Just Shoot Me and the new movie Joe Dirt said at the time that Malloy, a 30-year-old aspiring actor, was a friend who is obviously mentally troubled right now. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I'm more shocked by Joe Dirt as a new movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're digging back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
2001. We are digging back. | |
| Well, fuck. | ||
| That seems like a long time ago, but you know what doesn't seem like a long time ago? | ||
| 2009. You say 2009, like, oh, that just happened. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| 10 years. | ||
| A decade. | ||
| Like, 1960 to 1970 seems like forever. | ||
| 70 to 80 seems like forever. | ||
| 80 to 90 seems like forever. | ||
| But 2009 to 2019, for whatever fucking reason, seems real close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's not close. | ||
| Ten whole years. | ||
| Style will show you that, too. | ||
| Because I was born in 83. I'm 36, and the younger kids right now are dressing like I dressed in high school. | ||
| It's cycled back around. | ||
| They're in my styles. | ||
| Yeah, but that's then. | ||
| 2009 to 2019, is there a difference in style? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is coming from someone that's zero style. | ||
| Yeah, there is. | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| Okay, from 2009. I would say 2009 was maybe when they started having... | ||
| I have to remember where I was in life. | ||
| I just moved to New York. | ||
| People were wearing... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I had lived in Santa Fe and I was drinking a lot, so I definitely... | ||
| I quit drinking in 2009. I still have never been to Santa Fe. | ||
| It's hard comedy then. | ||
| Santa Fe is supposed to be a weird place. | ||
| That's where I met Tate Fletcher. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| Caveman Coffee. | ||
| I met Tate in Santa Fe. | ||
| He used to come in with a bunch of sober dudes after a meeting. | ||
| I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but whatever. | ||
| He's pretty open about it. | ||
| But I mean, it was the truth. | ||
| They were so annoying. | ||
| I was like a drunk. | ||
| I was wasted at this cowboy bar to wear a cowboy outfit. | ||
| You have to? | ||
| You have to. | ||
| That's your uniform. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Being a waitress is not humiliating enough. | ||
| You also have to dress. | ||
| Just have a John Deere hat on. | ||
| No, you had to wear a cowboy hat and you had to have a shirt that had yolks on it. | ||
| Oh, if you worked there. | ||
| If you worked there. | ||
| Not when you went in, yeah. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| But so Tay would come in with a bunch of people and they just wouldn't order alcohol. | ||
| I mean, it was just like low sales, high maintenance. | ||
| I was like, who is this fucking guy? | ||
| He's so big and ridiculous. | ||
| And then I was talking to him. | ||
| I hadn't quit drinking until I moved out of Santa Fe, but I told him I wanted to do comedy and he made them turn the karaoke night into a comedy show for me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and I got to do comedy. | ||
| That's the first time you ever went up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Did you have things prepared? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No jokes, yeah. | ||
| Were you hammered? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I moved to New York to do comedy, and I had a little scooter, a Yamaha Zuma. | ||
| And I crashed it because I would drive drunk all the time. | ||
| That was my happy place. | ||
| Like, to this day, it really was... | ||
| Honestly, that feeling of, like, driving wasted on a scooter was the wind blowing through your hair because you're not wearing a helmet. | ||
| The thing about scooters is you don't really think you can kill anybody else. | ||
| So it's not that bad to drive drunk. | ||
| Yeah, but you can. | ||
| You can get in the way of someone else. | ||
| You can do anything. | ||
| I fucked myself up so bad. | ||
| I woke up just had blacked out completely. | ||
| My face was split open. | ||
| I had road rash all over my tits. | ||
| This was Father's Day 2000. You don't remember falling? | ||
| I just remembered little pieces. | ||
| I remember that someone helped me. | ||
| I was living at my friend's house. | ||
| I woke up at the house. | ||
| He was staying at his girlfriend's house, so I was there alone, but my chin was split open. | ||
| I'd been wearing a dress, and it looked like... | ||
| My throat had been slit. | ||
| There was just blood all the way down it. | ||
| Road rash all over my tits. | ||
| All over this side of my arms. | ||
| My knees. | ||
| I just was fucked up. | ||
| You just face planted. | ||
| Just face split open. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I went... | ||
| I peeled out and just went chin first and everything. | ||
| And then I remembered that someone who didn't... | ||
| A girl that didn't like me had helped me. | ||
| That's all I could remember. | ||
| It was someone who usually hated me. | ||
| Helped me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then so I went out. | ||
| I went to the hospital. | ||
| I called my roommate. | ||
| He came back. | ||
| I went to the hospital. | ||
| I got nine stitches. | ||
| And I was still wasting. | ||
| I was still so hammered. | ||
| And the doctor kept going, were you drinking? | ||
| And I kept going, just between us? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| And I went, nope. | ||
| I'm not going to fucking jail, you motherfucker. | ||
| I was like, no, you just crashed my scooter. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He didn't know that I didn't wake up to drink through the pain. | ||
| So then I got the stitches. | ||
| And I was friends with all the cops in Santa Fe because I was an alcoholic. | ||
| So that's a really good plan. | ||
| You got to befriend them so they don't arrest you. | ||
| And they had told me if they had caught me, because I ended up finding my scooter on the side of the road. | ||
| My friend drove me around. | ||
| So I found out where I had peeled out and there was like a bunch of loose gravel. | ||
| So I just peeled out on the gravel. | ||
| And the cops said that they would have arrested me for an aggravated DUI because I hurt myself. | ||
| I had injured myself. | ||
| That's what an aggravated DUI is? | ||
| That's what they said back then. | ||
| I mean, I was still wasted when they said that. | ||
| That's worse? | ||
| Have you hurt yourself? | ||
| Yeah, because I had to go to the hospital and stuff. | ||
| You would think you got a little punishment in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So then I didn't learn the lesson. | ||
| I went out drinking that night with the stitches in my face. | ||
| And my line was I would carry Neosporin around and ask guys if they wanted to rub Neosporin on my titties. | ||
| Like I almost lost a nipple. | ||
| I mean, it got so close. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, I looked crazy, but I was a drunk. | ||
| So I was like, woo, fun girl. | ||
| They used to call me fun girl Annie behind my back. | ||
| And I thought they were, I thought it was like a cool. | ||
| They're making fun of me. | ||
| So anyway, so then I went out that night and I saw this guy with a puppy and I started playing with the puppy. | ||
| And I was like, oh, your puppy's so cute. | ||
| And he goes, do you not remember me? | ||
| And I'm like, I've never met you before. | ||
| And he goes, last night I helped you. | ||
| You crashed your scooter. | ||
| And I was like, oh fuck. | ||
| And he's like, I ride a motorcycle so I didn't want to call the cops or anything because I know you would have gotten in trouble. | ||
| And I was like, who helped me? | ||
| And he's like, some girl. | ||
| So then my friend called me. | ||
| He's like, my boss told me. | ||
| So it was my friend's boss from this hotel that I used to get wasted at. | ||
| He was the bartender. | ||
| So she hated me because I would just go get hammered at their nice establishment. | ||
| Do you look back on those days with any fondness? | ||
| Because you're sober now. | ||
| You're all... | ||
| Clean. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I think I have a wealth of stories. | ||
| I was a juvenile delinquent, and I had so many childhood traumas and abuses and weird things that happened. | ||
| I was running for my life in Jersey City when I was 15 from a fake modeling agent who was a 6'8 drag queen named Mahogany. | ||
| Running for my life. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| This is a long, good story. | ||
| I just have a lot of stories. | ||
| This is not a story you can... | ||
| Brush over. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| You were 15? | ||
| So I had gone to... | ||
| Mahogany? | ||
| Mahogany, yeah. | ||
| So I had gone to John Robert Powers Modeling School, one of those fake modeling schools. | ||
| Well, you pay like 200 bucks and they make a compilation headshot? | ||
| Yeah, you go. | ||
| They give you classes in modeling. | ||
| That's a thing. | ||
| It's like you either are weird-looking alien hot and tall and skinny or... | ||
| Not. | ||
| Yeah, or you're not. | ||
| I mean, I maybe could have done commercials or something. | ||
| I was cute, but I also had very low self-esteem. | ||
| It was just such a weird thing to be doing. | ||
| And I had been a tomboy up until that point. | ||
| So I go to this modeling thing, and then we went to – paid more money to go to – Like a modeling convention. | ||
| And then they had actual modeling agencies and then they had just random people that I guess paid to be there. | ||
| So Mahogany was one of them. | ||
| And my mom's like super liberal and so she likes anything that's like a little on the fringe that she could brag about at her book club or whatever. | ||
| If that sounds like I'm angry, I'm not angry. | ||
| I've forgiven myself. | ||
| So, they ended up, they were like, we want to take your daughter for two weeks, and we'll send her out on auditions and stuff over spring break. | ||
| And we have this nice place in Jersey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you were 15? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Your mom let Mahogany take you for two weeks. | ||
| Oh, there's so many more stories, Joe. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Yeah, no, there was... | ||
| My mother did not have anything bad happen to her when she was growing up. | ||
| She was adopted by a very nice family, and she went to a nice boarding school and stuff. | ||
| And nothing happened to her. | ||
| Did she read the newspaper? | ||
| She didn't read the newspaper, I don't think much. | ||
| So, she... | ||
| It just... | ||
| She didn't... | ||
| She wasn't aware. | ||
| So, anyway, so then... | ||
| Okay, so I was... | ||
| I went to this place in Jersey City. | ||
| And Jersey City, I don't know how it is now, but it was fucking crazy back then. | ||
| It's still fucking crazy. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| So we were in this one little condo, and it was mahogany, and then there was some other people that were there. | ||
| None of us were really that... | ||
| I mean, I probably was the hottest, but I was pretty... | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I think I was cute, but I don't think I was like a... | ||
| I don't think I was a model. | ||
| I don't think that was my future. | ||
| Maybe I could have done something. | ||
| The only person that I had really bonded with was this 23-year-old guy, Chris, who was this black guy from... | ||
| I don't know where he was from, but he was really cool. | ||
| He was really nice. | ||
| And he was a little creepy. | ||
| He would say things like, if I was your age, but he never was trying to fuck me or anything. | ||
| But he kind of was protecting me. | ||
| And at some point, Mahogany got mad. | ||
| And it was fake. | ||
| He would make me go buy him weed on the corner and stuff. | ||
| It was just a fake thing. | ||
| My parents paid like $1,500 to send me to this thing. | ||
| And I think he sent me out to be a... | ||
| I had to go into New York by myself on the train at 15, wearing the sluttiest clothes ever to this thing. | ||
| And then he would tell me, pretend you're lying, say you're 21, to be an extra on sex in the city and stuff. | ||
| It just wasn't real. | ||
| There was nothing real about it. | ||
| It was a total scam. | ||
| So I was starting to catch on to that, and I was supposed to be there for maybe 10 days, I think. | ||
| And these next-door neighbors, Shorty, this little Puerto Rican lady, I don't know. | ||
| She was a guy. | ||
| I smoked blunts with her. | ||
| So this guy, Chris, was kind of protecting me and he would go into the city with me and then all of a sudden, Mahogany didn't like how close we were so he separated us and he said, you can't see each other anymore. | ||
| And I was like, well, I don't feel safe if I can't talk to this guy. | ||
| I just would rather go home. | ||
| I want to call my parents. | ||
| I don't think this is real. | ||
| This seems like bullshit and a scam. | ||
| And he was like, you can't talk to your parents and he locked the door and took the phone away from me. | ||
| So I packed all my shit up and I threw it out the window and And I yelled down to Shorty. | ||
| I was like, yo, I'm going to run. | ||
| So grab my shit. | ||
| And then one of the other kids that was staying at the modeling place knew the situation. | ||
| So he went down and bumped into the door, unlocked it without him noticing and distracted him. | ||
| And I just jetted out of the fucking house. | ||
| And he started chasing me. | ||
| I was like screaming. | ||
| I was like, call the cops. | ||
| Help me. | ||
| Help me. | ||
| And I was wearing a tube top. | ||
| My like 15 year old titties. | ||
| I had nipple rings were like hanging. | ||
| I mean, I looked like a prostitute. | ||
| The cops ended up coming and they thought I was a prostitute. | ||
| Mahogany got me at one point. | ||
| I was hiding under cars for my life. | ||
| I thought I was going to get killed. | ||
| I was screaming. | ||
| People were just watering their plants like, what the fuck? | ||
| You were hiding under cars? | ||
| Yeah, because he was chasing me. | ||
| So I was trying to hide. | ||
| And he finally got me. | ||
| He was like, get in the house. | ||
| You're ruining my scam, pretty much. | ||
| And then he scratched my arm, but that's all. | ||
| And then the cops came and arrested both of us. | ||
| Thought he was my pimp. | ||
| Thought I was a prostitute. | ||
| I come from like an upper middle class family. | ||
| What did your mom say when you came home? | ||
| Well, they came to the cops and then the cops told them that they should arrest my parents. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, we should... | ||
| And I think they just were in denial about it or whatever. | ||
| They should arrest them for a day, at least. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't. | ||
| And then more stuff happened after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They made more mistakes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's okay. | ||
| We all make mistakes. | ||
| I love my family. | ||
| They're good now. | ||
| But I also look at all these things... | ||
| No, I really have had to do a lot of work on it because... | ||
| To forgive them? | ||
| Yeah, because... | ||
| Well, I blame myself for all of it, for most of it, which was my defense mechanism. | ||
| I had some stuff happen with a teacher in high school, too. | ||
| Right after that, actually. | ||
| It was about six months after that happened. | ||
| And, you know... | ||
| Is this a therapy session? | ||
| I don't want to do a therapy session. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| But anyway, you had asked me about, am I happy about these things? | ||
| Yeah, because it's a wild life. | ||
| But the point that I'm coming to is I am happy with them. | ||
| I'm so happy with where my life is now that I can't be mad about any of these other things. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| They're exciting, and now they're funny because I didn't get hurt. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, looking back on the wild, drunken days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. | |
| Yeah, there's some... | ||
| I did crazy shit. | ||
| There's some romance to it if you survived. | ||
| I flashed a chain gang once on my motor scooter, and then it didn't start, and I had to, like, put my shirt down and keep walking. | ||
| Like, it's hilarious. | ||
| I did crazy shit. | ||
| And I came out, like, genuinely, I feel good, you know? | ||
| I'm happy with my life. | ||
| So it's good. | ||
| Thank you for getting me off of that path, by the way. | ||
| Well, it's just... | ||
| Everyone that I know that's funny is fucked up and had something go wrong. | ||
| It's like how you get through it and then your insight once you get on the other end. | ||
| You persevere and then you don't blame people. | ||
| You don't go around being mad at the world. | ||
| I think it's easier to be... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, some of the most hilarious people did blame people. | ||
| Yeah, I guess that's true. | ||
| Like Kinnison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kinnison was always, you know, screaming about his ex-wives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's funny, too. | ||
| I just, for my own personal sanity, cannot run around angry at everyone. | ||
| Well, you don't need to be. | ||
| I mean, it's not necessary. | ||
| And especially now that you're sober, which obviously Kinnison never got. | ||
| Were you friends with him? | ||
| No, no, never, no. | ||
| Never met him. | ||
| Saw him. | ||
| Saw him live a few times. | ||
| Once at work, once when I was working. | ||
| I was working at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| It's like an amphitheater in Mansfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| What were you doing? | ||
| Selling funnel cakes? | ||
| No, security. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I got to see Cosby there, Rodney Dangerfield. | ||
| Got to see a few people. | ||
| Did you want to do comedy yet? | ||
| I was 19. I probably had thought about it a little bit, you know, maybe. | ||
| Maybe it had been in my head like slightly, but I didn't really start thinking about it until I was like 20. Did you feel embarrassed? | ||
| When you had that thought at first? | ||
| Of doing comedy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but I did feel like it was preposterous. | ||
| I did feel like, look, it's such a difficult way to make it. | ||
| Like, I remember my girlfriend, when I was 21, her dad was mocking this idea that I was going to be a comedian. | ||
| Like, I remember him saying- Smart guy! | ||
| The odds were not in your favor. | ||
| No, they're not in anybody's favor. | ||
| But I remember that's what he was saying. | ||
| Who makes it? | ||
| How many people make it as a comedian? | ||
| And even if you do make it, how much money do you make? | ||
| He was a doctor. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He was really angry. | ||
| He just felt like I was a waste of his daughter's time. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| Is he still alive? | ||
| Let's get him on the podcast. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| He's probably not. | ||
| Doctors don't live that long, a lot of them. | ||
| My doctor died. | ||
| It was sad when he died. | ||
| I was like, I trusted you. | ||
| Well, there's a great book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie by this guy Joel Wallach. | ||
| And a lot of it has to do with nutrition. | ||
| And it's about mineral deficiencies and vitamin deficiencies and doctors who abuse drugs. | ||
| And it's essentially talking about how people rely on doctors for advice about health. | ||
| When in reality, doctors are good at very specific things. | ||
| Like if you're a podiatrist, you're good at fixing feet. | ||
| If you're an orthopedic surgeon, you're good at knees and shoulders and shit. | ||
| But you probably don't know a fuckload about nutrition. | ||
| And you really don't understand the mechanisms of your body's absorption of nutrients and minerals and vitamins. | ||
| And one of the things that I've learned from doing this podcast is to understand that. | ||
| Even the cursory understanding of it that I have, you have to go through fucking hours and hours and hours of reading and watching documentaries and listening to experts, and I still have to go back over and over and over again. | ||
| So I've talked to doctors before, and they've been super dismissive about even taking vitamins. | ||
| And I get angry at them. | ||
| I'm like, well, I think all you need is a balanced diet. | ||
| I'm like, well, you're retarded. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| And by that way, I don't mean someone with Down syndrome. | ||
| I mean, that is a retarded way. | ||
| In slowdown, you have a diminished capacity for advancement. | ||
| You're slowing down the reality of the progress of nutritional science. | ||
| This is a stupid thing you're doing right now. | ||
| You're giving me bad advice. | ||
| You really don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| I get angry. | ||
| I'm like, why would you say that? | ||
| Don't tell me that there's no benefit to taking vitamins when there's a fuck It's a fucking ass load of studies and there's data and science and it's all provable. | ||
| People spend thousands of hours researching this stuff and trying to figure out what the fuck is good for you and what's not good for you and some chubby asshole with a fucking skinny fat body is telling me that all you need is a balanced diet. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, what's your diet like? | ||
| You ain't got a balanced diet. | ||
| And do you think that they're just doing that because they don't get money out of the vitamins? | ||
| No. | ||
| They just don't feel like reading up on the new stuff. | ||
| But they haven't decided to pursue it. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And if they did pursue it, they'd realize it's a fucking bottomless pit of information. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From essential fatty acids to different kinds of proteins and absorption of plant-based proteins versus animal-based proteins. | ||
| What's the benefit of grass-fed beef over regular beef? | ||
| It's a fucking endless stream of information. | ||
| I mean, if you follow someone like Dr. Rhonda Patrick, you realize really quickly that she is in the heart of this shit 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and she's still learning things. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| And also, it varies. | ||
| What's good for you is not necessarily good for me. | ||
| Your diet might not be as effective as my diet. | ||
| I only eat elk. | ||
| Is that bad? | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's good for everybody. | ||
| All I eat is elk all day. | ||
| It'll turn you into a fucking savage. | ||
| Some fucking elk, dude. | ||
| I'm gonna give you some. | ||
| I got some waiting for you. | ||
| A fanny pack and some goddamn elk. | ||
| That's why I'm on here. | ||
| What kind of a cooking setup do you have at your place? | ||
| I just have just a stove with... | ||
| Do you have a frying pan, like a cast iron frying pan? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Do you know how to cook? | ||
| Are you a good cook? | ||
| I'm alright. | ||
| Decent? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm decent. | ||
| I'll hook you up with some elk sausage. | ||
| We'll start with that. | ||
| I'll give you a recipe, how to cook it correctly. | ||
| Do you have a thermometer? | ||
| I'm really into Bigfoot porn. | ||
| Can you not say elk sausage in front of me? | ||
| I don't have a meat thermometer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| Well, that's good for elk sausage. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| You'll get a sense of when it's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't believe you want, want, want me. | |
| Because I didn't get to it quick enough. | ||
| Well, you were talking about elk sausage, bro. | ||
| I'm sorry I'm insulting your... | ||
| No, it's just Bigfoot dick elk sausage. | ||
| I don't know why I wouldn't draw those two. | ||
| I wouldn't pull those together. | ||
| Why you wouldn't? | ||
| Yeah, why would I not have? | ||
| One of them is an undulate, the other one is a legendary primate. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You're really getting stuck on semantics here. | ||
| Listen, you're the one who cracked the joke. | ||
| Let me just make some fucking jokes. | ||
| I just got accused of doing a therapy session and now I'm telling jokes. | ||
| I'm feeling triggered. | ||
| Are you feeling judged? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but I'm not feeling judged. | ||
| But everybody that I know that has had those wild, drunken days that has come out on the other side, there's something nostalgic about it. | ||
| You look back and you go, huh, I made it through that. | ||
| Have you been to an AA meeting? | ||
| It's like the good old times in AA. I always felt like people were either telling these stories that were so insane and I was like, I'm not an alcoholic. | ||
| Or they were like, I was like, that's pussy shit. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| You're not even cool enough to be here. | ||
| Like Celebrity Rehab, right? | ||
| Did you ever watch that show? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| One of the best parts about it was Eric Roberts, you know, Julia Roberts' brother who's been in a bunch of movies. | ||
| He was there for weed addiction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And everybody else is having the fucking DTs. | ||
| They're on the floor in the fetal position shaking. | ||
| He's reading the paper. | ||
| He's losing weight. | ||
| He's getting his shit done. | ||
| He's on a treadmill. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| Some people, you know, their stories are a joke. | ||
| I did quit smoking weed and it did make things a lot easier. | ||
| Like laundry, just little things. | ||
| I was like, oh, that was maybe making things. | ||
| I would always smoke weed before I would clean my apartment and that was like seven years to get my apartment clean. | ||
| Yeah, it can get distracting. | ||
| It does not affect me well. | ||
| Yeah, well, when I do things like if I want to clean my office, I just have the thing. | ||
| Like, this is what we're doing now. | ||
| Adderall. | ||
| Even listening to music is not good. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I used to listen to podcasts while I cleaned my office, but then I find that I would be pausing and listening to a particular part, and then I'd want to rewind it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, I'm fucking with myself here. | ||
| I'm distracting myself. | ||
| And then that's a weird defense mechanism too because I do that all the time too. | ||
| I'm always multitasking and I always have to be doing three things at once. | ||
| It's like, why? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's going to make me, I'm going to slow down so much I might have to like deal with my own shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So like writing too, like sometimes I write listening to music, but most of the time it's better without music. | ||
| With lyrics? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes lyrics and sometimes foreign music. | ||
| I like foreign music because I don't know what they're saying. | ||
| What kind? | ||
| Brazilian. | ||
| I like a lot of Brazilian music. | ||
| I like a lot of Spanish music. | ||
| Some Bollywood or what? | ||
| I listen to some of that. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| You know Dollar Mende? | ||
| Do you know who Dollar Mende is? | ||
| No? | ||
| You don't know Dollar Mende? | ||
| Oh, he's amazing. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| I just listen to a lot of Elton John. | ||
| That's what I'm into right now. | ||
| That's why I like to wear all my crazy things too. | ||
| I like to Elton John that shit. | ||
| I'll play you some Dollar Mende. | ||
| I'll play it on my phone. | ||
| You think we get banned? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| 100%? | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's gotten before. | ||
| Even if we haven't in the distance? | ||
| Oh, because you can't? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| How do you spell his name? | ||
| D-A... There it is. | ||
| Dollar Mending. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| What does this say? | ||
| The song is not currently available in your country or region. | ||
| Oh my god, I love it. | ||
| Now I'm really into it. | ||
| I fucking bought it. | ||
| I want that shit. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, here it goes. | ||
| We can't hear it. | ||
| We can't hear it. | ||
| That's actually a woman getting fucked by Bigfoot. | ||
| Even the guy yelling? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Welcome to the wonderful world of the internet. | ||
| Anyway, I like Dollar Mendy. | ||
| It sounds cool. | ||
| Is his name Dollar? | ||
| D-A-H... Hold on. | ||
| I would like it better if it was the Dollar symbol. | ||
| D-A-L-E-R-M-E-H-N-D-I. But I think he got arrested for human trafficking. | ||
| But can you still like his work? | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| I was at... | ||
| Dave Chappelle and I did some shows the other day. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We had a DJ, and the DJ was playing all this Michael Jackson music. | ||
| And he is so good. | ||
| Yeah, he's great. | ||
| Even though he's a fucking pedophile, allegedly, most likely, pretty probably, definitely did something wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even though it's still fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, but also he's dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you don't listen to his music, you're punishing. | ||
| What are you punishing? | ||
| The man's dead. | ||
| Right, but even if he wasn't dead, like if Ted Bundy had some great poetry, would you want to read it? | ||
| Would you enjoy it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I really don't know what Michael Jackson did. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And I don't think anybody does other than the people that he did it to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's a lot of fucking weirdness to it, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Holding hands with little boys and... | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's really uncomfortable. | ||
| It's just like inappropriate boundaries and that's enough to like molest a kid. | ||
| Honestly, just having that inappropriate blurred thing between kids and grown-ups, it's not good. | ||
| Yeah, you hold hands with your nieces and nephews and that makes sense. | ||
| Your children, that makes sense. | ||
| But if you're a 55-year-old man and you're holding hands with an 11-year-old boy in Dubai... | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| I gotta get suspicious. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta question whether I'm gonna enjoy this song that I'm enjoying right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But it was so good. | ||
| I was listening to the music, and I was like, God damn, this guy was amazing. | ||
| He was so exceptional. | ||
| But there's no way he wasn't molested. | ||
| I mean, doesn't he seem so molested? | ||
| Well, in the interest of beating a fucking dead horse, I have talked about this many times in the podcast, where I think that he was a castrato. | ||
| Which is someone who was castrated when he was very young to preserve his high-pitched voice. | ||
| Then his doctor, the same doctor that killed him, came out later, this is long after I had predicted this, and said that he was chemically castrated to preserve his voice. | ||
| So he confirmed what I was saying. | ||
| Now whether this doctor is telling the truth or not... | ||
| So with castration are you not able to get a boner? | ||
| I don't believe so. | ||
| Oh my god, so he maybe wasn't molesting them, but he was just... | ||
| He could have been just being weird with them. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe he didn't do anything with them. | ||
| Maybe he just wanted to be a child. | ||
| Maybe his childhood was stripped from him because he was famous from the time he was five fucking years old and his father did something to him. | ||
| Yeah, it definitely was a weird life. | ||
| According to the doctor, his father did something to him. | ||
| Chemical castration is what they do to pedophiles. | ||
| They'll do it to pedophiles so that they can never get erections and it basically stops your body's production of testosterone and kills your testes. | ||
| And they do it with some chemical injection and apparently According to the doctor, that's what they did to Michael Jackson, which you think about his voice, it makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because his voice was insane. | ||
| Yeah, it was so high. | ||
| It was so high pitched. | ||
| And if you listen to, like, castratos, there's only a few recordings of actual castratos, but it was a common practice. | ||
| Not common, it wasn't like everybody did it, but it was a practice that was done. | ||
| To young boys to preserve their high-pitched voice. | ||
| Well, they would fucking castrate them. | ||
| What a word! | ||
| Horrible! | ||
| Castrata. | ||
| But they did it. | ||
| I mean, people would let their children get their balls chopped off so they could sing good. | ||
| And it would be very valuable to them. | ||
| How long ago was that? | ||
| Well, there's a recording. | ||
| So the recording, I don't think they had recordings until like the late 1800s. | ||
| I don't believe. | ||
| There was a lot of dance back in the day. | ||
| A lot of boys dancing for kings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When was that last one? | |
| It was 1922. 1922 was the last castrato recording? | ||
| And how old was that dude? | ||
| So he was probably born in the 1800s or something? | ||
| He died in that same year, so I don't know. | ||
| He died never nutting, but always beautiful singing. | ||
| He had the voice of an angel. | ||
| We can't play that either, right? | ||
| No, you should listen to it, though. | ||
| That sounds so upsetting to listen to. | ||
| It is upsetting. | ||
| It's haunting. | ||
| Yeah, you can't enjoy that. | ||
| Yeah, I played it for a friend of mine the other night, and he was like, what? | ||
| And I was like, look, you've got to listen to this. | ||
| And I played it, and he was like, is that fucking real? | ||
| And he's like, it sounds like someone did something to someone. | ||
| Maybe people should jerk off to it in honor of the man. | ||
| He was 63 when he died in 1922. He was born in 1958, and those recordings were done in 1902 to 1904, so that makes him... | ||
| 40s? | ||
| Yeah, he was in his 40s when he was recording those. | ||
| You said 1958? | ||
| You mean he was born in 1858? | ||
| 1858 is when he was born, I'm sorry, yeah. | ||
| And died in 1922. Wow. | ||
| Yeah, the whole thing's dark. | ||
| The look you gave me during my circle jerk idea was red. | ||
| What look did I give you? | ||
| You gave me a, come on, bitch, circle jerk for the... | ||
| I was saying, if he couldn't come... | ||
| Are you projecting? | ||
| Listen, I know this is uncomfortable for you and you're nervous to be here, but I'm your friend and I love you and I want you to be happy. | ||
| You want me to be happy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I know, you are so nice. | ||
| I'm not looking to trip you up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The king. | |
| Come on. | ||
| The king. | ||
| You know I love you. | ||
| I know, I love you too. | ||
| Thank you so much for having me. | ||
| I really do appreciate it. | ||
| I am trying to be chill. | ||
| It's just like a cool... | ||
| Are you weirded out by this? | ||
| By being here? | ||
| I'm not weirded out. | ||
| I'm trying to be in the moment. | ||
| I like to be funny impulsively. | ||
| It's my impulse to always tell jokes and stuff. | ||
| And this is a more chill, less jokey... | ||
| You can be jokey. | ||
| Okay, now there's pressure to be jokey. | ||
| You're overthinking this shit too much. | ||
| I'm not overthinking anything. | ||
| I'm being chill and normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everyone relax. | |
| You have two cups of coffee. | ||
| I have two cups of coffee. | ||
| One's calling me a cunt. | ||
| What is one of them? | ||
| One of them is Caveman. | ||
| What's the other one? | ||
| This is Caveman and this is a cunt mug. | ||
| I got it for my dad and I got one for myself too. | ||
| You got it for your dad? | ||
| Yeah, it's a joke. | ||
| Well, my dad and I, it also looks like it says aunt. | ||
| We one time... | ||
| We went to... | ||
| We were at the post office. | ||
| My dad's very funny. | ||
| He reminds me of Catty Daddy, actually. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| By the way, that fucking thing is hilarious that you guys are doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Are you doing more of those? | ||
| Yeah, we recorded one and then it just wasn't funny. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| We have to rethink it. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Don't want to put out... | ||
| We don't want to disappoint with... | ||
| But the one you did do... | ||
| The one you did put out was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, that was fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| But... | ||
| So my dad and I were at the post office and mailing something out and I was taking a while to mail something out. | ||
| And we're just jokingly antagonistic. | ||
| My dad's like, come on. | ||
| I was like, dad, leave me alone. | ||
| I'm not done. | ||
| We're just joking with each other. | ||
| And this old woman who's been observing, she goes to leave and then she just pivots before she leaves and turns around and she goes... | ||
| She goes, you know what, young lady? | ||
| You're a real itch. | ||
| An itch? | ||
| An itch. | ||
| And my dad goes, I think you mean an unt, which is fucking one of our best stories. | ||
| My daddy's funny. | ||
| So she doesn't realize you're just joking around? | ||
| She didn't get, we were just joking. | ||
| She was like, oh, you're being so, and it's like, get over it. | ||
| Did you tell her, hey, this is my dad, we're just joking around? | ||
| No, my dad said she's an aunt and we laughed. | ||
| So I think she got it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then she left? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she was leaving when he said it, yeah, and we just were like crying. | ||
| The fact that someone needs to stop you and put you in your place. | ||
| Yeah, it's just so silly. | ||
| But it's like, she was old. | ||
| What does she know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I'm sure I'm just going to try really hard to not be one of those old people. | ||
| What do you think you're going to be like as an old lady? | ||
| I think I'm going to peak. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I'm trying really hard to... | ||
| Be in the moment and appreciate each new age and not get anything in my face or do anything like that. | ||
| Get anything in your face? | ||
| Well, you know, except cum shots, obviously. | ||
| No, I mean like, you know. | ||
| Oh, you mean like filler? | ||
| Yeah, try not to do anything too crazy. | ||
| It's just, it's fighting an inevitable thing and I think it's a gift to age, you know. | ||
| We get to be different every day. | ||
| My mom worked at this organization called Gray Panthers. | ||
| Gray Panthers? | ||
| Yeah, it was for old people. | ||
| Old people that like to fuck? | ||
| Old people that like to fuck. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure they like to fuck. | ||
| But Maggie Coon was the woman's name. | ||
| I know there's a little bit of a parallel between Gray Panthers, Black Panthers. | ||
| Her last name is Coon. | ||
| But it was spelled differently. | ||
| It was in Philadelphia. | ||
| She died when she was 90 years old. | ||
| Maybe 89, but we used to hang out with her all the time. | ||
| And she had dated, famously dated, like a 40-year-old, I think in her 80s or something. | ||
| Hollow. | ||
| So I think she was fucking. | ||
| Was she pegging him? | ||
| She might have been pegging him. | ||
| I don't know if she could peg at that point. | ||
| She had a lot of hats and a lot of cats. | ||
| She just lays down. | ||
| He can peg himself. | ||
| Oh, he can peg himself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember Elizabeth Taylor? | ||
| She married a series of gay guys before she died. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that happens to really pretty old ladies. | ||
| Well, they just want a man to tell them they're beautiful. | ||
| I've been just showered with compliments by gay men. | ||
| Yeah, I think they go through menopause, too, and they probably give up on the idea of sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They just want pretty men around them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, not that her gays were that pretty. | ||
| I've had prettier gays. | ||
| I've definitely been the last puss for a couple guys. | ||
| The last post before gay? | ||
| Yeah, where I'm like... | ||
| And then one guy got married and shit. | ||
| I was sure it was his last. | ||
| Listen, just because he got married doesn't mean he's not good. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| I know a dude who's super married. | ||
| Gay men would reach out to him. | ||
| They would try to touch him. | ||
| He was always wearing a suit. | ||
| We lived in Santa Fe. | ||
| I'm like, why are you wearing a suit? | ||
| They'd slap their hands away. | ||
| I'm like, not until he comes out. | ||
| He's mine. | ||
| I knew. | ||
| I mean, I was like, there's no way. | ||
| He used to always want to have, like, threesomes with other guys. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| I remember we invited my one friend in. | ||
| We were just drinking so much. | ||
| We called Jack Daniels OJ, so we didn't feel weird. | ||
| And we're like, pass the OJ. We're just, like, fucking shit-faced all the time. | ||
| Chugging. | ||
| Went to this college. | ||
| My college ended up going out of business. | ||
| Just this little school in Santa Fe. | ||
| Just hammered. | ||
| And my friend, who I worked at a restaurant with, a guy friend, He wanted to hook up with me, so he's like, sweet. | ||
| So he hops into bed with us, and then he leaves, and the next day he's like, he kept looking me in the eye, Annie. | ||
| He kept looking at me. | ||
| He kept trying to make eye contact with me. | ||
| So he was boning you, and your boyfriend was like... | ||
| I don't know if he ended up boning me. | ||
| I think he hopped in and hopped out pretty quick. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Because he got freaked out because he kept looking at him. | ||
| Oh, he gave it a shot. | ||
| I mean, we were in full blackouts at that point. | ||
| I don't remember anything. | ||
| I really feel like I'm five years younger than I am because I just blacked out five years. | ||
| You should write about those days. | ||
| I know, I will. | ||
| It would be a hilarious book. | ||
| There were so many. | ||
| I have so many crazy stories. | ||
| And it's funny because I always thought everyone else had them. | ||
| I really thought everyone else had this crazy... | ||
| I'm like, you didn't steal cars when you were little? | ||
| You didn't do all these things? | ||
| That never happened to you? | ||
| Have you thought about writing a book? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's also a great comedy writing exercise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I know. | ||
| I want to tell these stories on stage more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Flash and the Chain Gang was... | ||
| I mean, there's just been so many. | ||
| I drew some pictures I draw, too. | ||
| So I haven't drawn in a while. | ||
| But I drew a coloring book once that I never followed through with. | ||
| But it was Lessons from a Chubby Alcoholic. | ||
| And it was just different true scenes from my drinking days. | ||
| Just fucking crazy, the shit I did. | ||
| So how did you stop? | ||
| Well, Tate, that actually brings me back to Tate. | ||
| So I moved to New York. | ||
| I wanted to do stand-up so bad. | ||
| I had just done that one thing at the Cowgirl in Santa Fe. | ||
| And I liked it. | ||
| I was nervous and I don't remember. | ||
| I'm sure it was like all abortion jokes. | ||
| I don't really remember. | ||
| But then I do remember my first set after that. | ||
| I remember all the beginning ones. | ||
| So the first one was when I got to New York. | ||
| I moved to New York to do stand-up. | ||
| I crashed my scooter. | ||
| So I wanted to move to LA. I had met people out in LA and I thought that was where I wanted to go. | ||
| But because I kept drinking and driving, I was like, I have a drinking and driving problem. | ||
| I have to go somewhere where I can't drive. | ||
| So I moved to New York, thank God, because I think it helped me really push and get really strong before I came out here. | ||
| So I moved to New York. | ||
| I wanted to do stand-up. | ||
| I was just drinking. | ||
| I was partying. | ||
| I have so many friends that I just met on Benders, like random shit. | ||
| I was just doing insane things, day drinking. | ||
| Just way more drunk than everyone else. | ||
| I left my drinking buddies in Santa Fe and everyone else was kind of like, what are you up to? | ||
| So I was staying on my friend's couch and I wanted to do stand-up. | ||
| And so finally she was like, look, let's just go to an open mic. | ||
| I'll go with you. | ||
| And I was like, all right. | ||
| So I get all my jokes ready. | ||
| We go to an open mic. | ||
| I go up. | ||
| I drop my set list. | ||
| And then I completely black out. | ||
| I'm so nervous. | ||
| I'm like in this basement at this place called Cake Shop. | ||
| My friend Caperlamp was the host of it. | ||
| Or was she the host yet? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Anyway, I got up on stage and completely bombed and just started yelling at everyone. | ||
| I just started yelling at all of these comics, like, fuck you, you pieces of shit. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| And then I sat down at the bar and I'd already quit Jaeger. | ||
| Jaeger was the first thing I quit. | ||
| So I was sitting at the bar. | ||
| And some guy came up, this comic, who I did not like or think was funny or want anything to do with, and he kept buying me drinks. | ||
| He was buying me shots of Jaeger, and I was like, look, man, I'm struggling with drinking. | ||
| I can't really say no to a drink, but please stop buying them for me. | ||
| And he just kept buying them. | ||
| I wasn't going to stop. | ||
| And so he kept buying them. | ||
| So then I ended up waking up on his air mattress. | ||
| This is after my first open mic. | ||
| Waking up on his air mattress, fully clothed, didn't fuck him or anything. | ||
| Just trapped somewhere in Bushwick. | ||
| It was snowing. | ||
| I was like, where am I? What am I doing? | ||
| I looked around his apartment. | ||
| I'm like, all I want to do is be a comedian. | ||
| I was so sure that's what I wanted to do. | ||
| I was spending all this time drinking, getting fucked up. | ||
| This is only your second set ever. | ||
| This was my second, yeah. | ||
| This was when I had moved to New York. | ||
| It was my first one in New York. | ||
| What made you so sure that you wanted to be a comedian? | ||
| I just never wanted to do anything else. | ||
| But you'd only had one set at a karaoke bar, and then the second set where you screamed and told everybody to fuck off. | ||
| What was it that made you think that you could do it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just never wanted to do anything else. | ||
| I just didn't have another. | ||
| There was no other plan. | ||
| I had been a special ed teacher. | ||
| I had done a go-go dancer. | ||
| I'd worked at the bars. | ||
| I'd done all that stuff. | ||
| I just felt like if I could do it, I could do it. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's a little bit of that delusion and that... | ||
| But I just, I never, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. | ||
| I knew there were obstacles in my way and I knew that drinking was one of them. | ||
| I had talked to a comic before that sat at the open mic and he had said just try not to, his advice to me was try not to hook up with the guys at open mics because you're going to get a reputation when you're just trying to be respected. | ||
| So he had said that to me. | ||
| That's good advice. | ||
| I think that was great advice because it's also, there's no time for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| This was my whole hustle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Also, what are the odds that that person's going to follow through? | ||
| If you follow through and become a comic, what are the odds that they are? | ||
| You might get hitched up to some fucking loser. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely don't want to get hitched up. | ||
| But it also was... | ||
| I needed to put all my energy... | ||
| I'm barely in a place now to be in a relationship, so it's like... | ||
| This was 11 years ago. | ||
| So I... When I woke up on that guy's air mattress, I was like, fuck. | ||
| I already broke the thing that I wanted to do. | ||
| From all my weird sexual assaulty stuff when I was younger, I just didn't have a good relationship with sex. | ||
| Drinking didn't help with it. | ||
| Everything was just out of control. | ||
| I have this thing now, this precious thing that I want so bad. | ||
| Crashing my scooter, almost dying, all that shit wasn't enough. | ||
| But stand-up really was. | ||
| That's what I wanted. | ||
| So I went to my friend's house and I called Tate. | ||
| I just called Tate. | ||
| I was like, I just want to do this and I want to quit drinking. | ||
| So he told me to go to meetings and just try it out. | ||
| Do you remember your first meeting? | ||
| Yeah, I went to one, I think it was the Lower East Side, and the guy sharing was talking about it. | ||
| He's like, I always knew I had a problem because when I was two, I took all of the Tylenol. | ||
| And I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Any kid with a childproof thing is just going to eat the pills. | ||
| I remember kind of judging him and being like, whatever. | ||
| But it was good to have that community then because I needed to detach myself from the partiers and all that lifestyle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I did go to... | ||
| I did 90 and 90. I did a meeting every day for 90 days and then I never went back. | ||
| Some people actually learn how to do stand-up from those meetings. | ||
| There was a guy named Dave... | ||
| I learned how to bomb. | ||
| There was a guy named Dave Fitzgerald who was a really funny comedian back in Boston. | ||
| And he learned how to do stand-up from making hilarious stories out of his drunk days. | ||
| Because he was a fucking raging alcoholic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the same thing. | ||
| Just quit and then started doing stand-up. | ||
| literally learn how to do it from a meeting. | ||
| Because he would tell these crazy stories about being blacked out, drunk, and fucked up, and being in gunfights, high-speed chases, and all this nuts. | ||
| If you had alcohol to shit, crazy stuff goes down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But those guys, many of them learn how to do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, you're standing up in front of an audience. | ||
| I was brought up Quaker, too. | ||
| So our church was you stand up and speak, and everyone just sits there in silence and watches you. | ||
| What's that like? | ||
| Which one's Quaker? | ||
| That's the Oatbox. | ||
| Everyone gets it confused with Amish, which has nothing to do with Amish. | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| It's just a very chill Christianity. | ||
| Were those the pilgrims? | ||
| The pilgrims, Quakers? | ||
| No, I don't think they were. | ||
| When did Quakerism start? | ||
| They're pacifists? | ||
| Yeah, they're pacifists. | ||
| They believe that God's in the form of an inner light that's in everyone and everything. | ||
| So why would you fight? | ||
| I mean, I agree with that just from hallucinogens and shit, too. | ||
| But it's something I struggle with. | ||
| I have to look back at childhood predators and I'm like, I have to forgive these people because they are from the same light, I guess. | ||
| What's the wacky thing with Quakers? | ||
| Quakers are... | ||
| Well, it's just very... | ||
| It's just you sit in silence. | ||
| So the churches... | ||
| There's two types. | ||
| There's programmed and unprogrammed. | ||
| I was unprogrammed, which is the super chill one. | ||
| There's no Bible talk. | ||
| There's no preacher. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| You just sit in benches facing each other. | ||
| My meeting house had these old creaky... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| Explain. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| So it's a meeting house that you meet up with on Sundays. | ||
| You stare at each other? | ||
| Yeah, or you look down at your hands. | ||
| You don't really look at each other, but you sit. | ||
| There's facing benches, and then there's benches here, so you are kind of all looking at each other. | ||
| And what do you do? | ||
| You sit in silence, and then if you feel moved to speak, it's supposed to be God speaking through you, but if you just feel moved to speak at all, you just stand up and you say whatever you want. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And you're not reading scripture? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| I mean, some people, every once in a while, someone would do that growing up. | ||
| But I went to a Quaker school, too, and we were... | ||
| Little kids, we used to have to sit in silence for like 45 minutes, which was impossible. | ||
| I had such bad ADD. It was insane. | ||
| I would wear shirts that had things on it I could play with. | ||
| I had a shirt with a phone and it had a cord and I would just wear it and I would set alarms and sit on my alarm so it wouldn't go off. | ||
| I just had to be doing stuff. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| You're just so little and you're just sitting there silently. | ||
| People are so bored. | ||
| Little kids get so bored. | ||
| And what's the first thing they do? | ||
| They try to medicate them because they're so bored. | ||
| Well, I got medicated too. | ||
| We did Ritalin and stuff. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| But when I was older, I don't feel like it affected me. | ||
| They put me on antidepressants a little bit, but I was pretty good at being like, I don't want to do these things. | ||
| You don't feel like it affected you to be on Ritalin? | ||
| But I didn't take it for that long. | ||
| How long did you take it for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think I took it for that long. | ||
| Do you know Allie? | ||
| Allie McCroskey? | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| She was talking about it last night. | ||
| I fucking love her. | ||
| Love her too. | ||
| She was talking about how that same shit happened to her when she was a kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bouncing off the walls and they medicate you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is interesting because it is... | ||
| I can only imagine what it's like to be a parent. | ||
| There's all this information coming at you and you're dealing with your own shit. | ||
| A lot of people didn't go through their healing process or anything, too. | ||
| It must be so hard to be a parent. | ||
| It's just got to be crazy. | ||
| I think about it. | ||
| I never wanted to have a kid until I did some hallucinogens and then I was like, maybe I want to have a kid. | ||
| You'd be a great mom. | ||
| Yeah, I think I would. | ||
| But I'm just dealing with all my... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Help you heal. | |
| I'm dealing with all my... | ||
| I just want to make sure I'm not in a place... | ||
| I was very angry in the past, and it's something that I work on a lot. | ||
| I just wouldn't want to redo patterns and stuff like that. | ||
| But I do think because I've had such traumatic stuff, I think I would be... | ||
| I think I could protect my kids in a good way. | ||
| So the Quakers are allowed to medicate their kids? | ||
| That's part of the doctrine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you can... | ||
| There's no... | ||
| I mean, it's pretty loose. | ||
| It's like, you can do whatever you want. | ||
| There was one guy that wore his Jewish stuff to a meeting. | ||
| I went to a meeting after the election. | ||
| I went a little bit... | ||
| I was like, maybe I want to go back to church. | ||
| What? | ||
| The Quaker church? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| After 2016? | ||
| Yeah, because I just was... | ||
| It just triggered a lot of things in me, and I went real crazy for a second. | ||
| I just had a lot of trauma that I wasn't dealing with. | ||
| When Trump won? | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| This is embarrassing, okay? | ||
| I was hanging out with a lot of... | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I just got really mad. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I got really mad. | ||
| I just wasn't... | ||
| I wasn't... | ||
| Dealing with stuff and it just kind of pushed all this stuff forward for me. | ||
| How so? | ||
| What do you mean by- Just like some sexual assault stuff just came up. | ||
| Like I think a lot of people that were angry and were marching around and stuff had some personal triggers that had happened for them. | ||
| Oh, so because of like the grab them by the pussy talk? | ||
| Yeah, and then you read it and then I read up on it and it's not what it seems and I don't know. | ||
| I just, you know, there was a lot of hysteria and- It just triggered a lot of my shit, but I'm glad it did because it helped me get through a lot of stuff. | ||
| And I definitely, I think, have a different view on those things now. | ||
| And I, you know, I was running around so mad. | ||
| At who? | ||
| I'm like, who am I mad at? | ||
| I did a lot of, like, when it first happened, I was like, fuck, man, I did that for about three months. | ||
| Thank God I got out of that. | ||
| But really angry and just projecting and pissed and all this stuff. | ||
| And it's like, there's a few men I'm mad at, right? | ||
| There's a few. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm certainly not mad at men, but there are a few. | ||
| From your past? | ||
| Yeah, you know, and that was something I had to deal with and I had to learn to compartmentalize that and not make it this broad thing. | ||
| I hate when people do that. | ||
| It's so upsetting. | ||
| The drinking days? | ||
| The drinking days and from my childhood, you know, I had some fucked up shit happen. | ||
| But, you know, it's just important for me to not blame a large group of people that have nothing to do with my trauma. | ||
| And it's also when I get triggered, what I needed to learn was that's my responsibility to handle my trigger. | ||
| And I can't just be running around like this unsheathed sword. | ||
| I mean, I can, but I'm going to cut everyone around me. | ||
| Yeah, the thing that people do when they blame everyone that's part of that group. | ||
| It's so common. | ||
| You remember there was a real problem a few months back where Liam Neeson was talking about one of his friends that had gotten something that happened where a A black guy had done something, murdered one of his friends, or raped one of his friends, something awful. | ||
| I think it was rape. | ||
| And so he would go out at night with a bat looking for a black guy to start trouble. | ||
| And he talked about it, and everybody was furious at him. | ||
| And he's saying, look, I didn't do anything, and I was in a terrible state of mind. | ||
| I'm just being honest about this. | ||
| I'm not proud of this. | ||
| It was one of the most embarrassing and darkest moments of my life. | ||
| But I did it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And not letting people express those things and talk about it and say away. | ||
| Because I am embarrassed that I got so man-hating. | ||
| I mean, there's a couple podcasts I did where I was like, fuck man. | ||
| And that hurts people. | ||
| I hurt people by saying that. | ||
| I mean, but whatever. | ||
| No, but people have lashed out on me for stuff like that. | ||
| But it's like, I don't fucking... | ||
| I don't have the capacity to hate an entire group of people. | ||
| And I certainly like... | ||
| I have brothers. | ||
| I have my dad. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Don't you think that sometimes you say things and that's not really what you mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're just expressing anger. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And then I think right now what's going on, and I've checked out of a lot of stuff. | ||
| I don't pay attention to a lot of things anymore because it was just like... | ||
| The news, you mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like not... | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| I don't read Twitter. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I just don't do it. | ||
| It's like I got to focus on... | ||
| What I can do and how I can feel good and how I can... | ||
| I just want to make people laugh, have a good time, make people feel good. | ||
| I want to feel good. | ||
| It's like I can't do that if I'm in this constant state of taking in all this information that's just pushing my buttons, pushing my buttons. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Some of it's not going to be, but some of it certainly is. | ||
| And if you're not controlling the... | ||
| You have a mental diet, too, and that's something that people don't think of all the time. | ||
| I don't remember who described it that way, but it's the best way of describing it. | ||
| You have a physical diet, and if you have a poor physical diet, your body's sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you have a poor mental diet, your mind is sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're taking in nonsense all the time. | ||
| And fights. | ||
| You know, I had Bernie Sanders on yesterday. | ||
| Who? | ||
| That guy was running for something. | ||
| Oh, he kind of looks like my dad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit. | |
| Okay, cool. | ||
| And I briefly looked into the comments. | ||
| Of one of the posts. | ||
| And so many fucking people are so goddamn toxic. | ||
| They're just battling it out left and right and misrepresenting his position. | ||
| Someone was calling me an alt-right white supremacist, white nationalist. | ||
| I'm like, what in the fuck? | ||
| That's so hot. | ||
| You should make a t-shirt. | ||
| Someone said that I had someone. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Stormfront or something like that? | ||
| What is that white supremacist page? | ||
| Stormfront or something? | ||
| They said I had the founder of Stormfront on my podcast. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Are you a Proud Boy? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm so proud of those guys. | ||
| I had Gavin McGinnis, who is the founder of the Proud Boys. | ||
| I had him on before, but I had him on before there was a Proud Boys. | ||
| I didn't even know what the fuck the Proud Boys was. | ||
| Yeah, but also, why can't you talk to a person? | ||
| I asked him about it, and I was critical. | ||
| I was criticizing him. | ||
| I was like, you can't just... | ||
| Claim you're going to have violence with people. | ||
| It's so fucking dumb. | ||
| And then all the Proud Boys shit that happened with violence came far after that, but people are like blaming me for having him on. | ||
| I don't even know what the fuck it is. | ||
| He's the co-founder of Vice. | ||
| That's what I knew. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Don't you want to hear the other side? | ||
| Like, don't you want to hear everyone's opinions and everyone's thoughts? | ||
| Don't you want to try to understand and come to a common ground? | ||
| Don't you want to realize, like, I'm not religious really or anything, but it's like we are all God's children. | ||
| Like, there's missing this whole thing. | ||
| It's this fight against each other. | ||
| Yes, but no. | ||
| Okay, the problem is there's a lot of these people that do go on shows and try to reinvent themselves in a disingenuous way, and they try to whitewash people. | ||
| What they're doing, whitewash their past. | ||
| And to that point, I mean, the idea is that you're helping them recruit people. | ||
| Before he was on my podcast, though, there was no people for him to recruit to. | ||
| So people need to understand, there was nothing. | ||
| Like, I had him on because he was this guy who was funny, and he used to do a lot of interesting videos. | ||
| He fucked up when he started that group, and he fucked up when he was calling for violence and telling people to choke a bitch and punch people and grab these people. | ||
| And he was doing it in response to the violence that Antifa was pushing on right-wing people that would have these meetings and they would show up. | ||
| Yeah, doing like the clown mirror back at them, being crazy, yeah. | ||
| It was all poorly thought out. | ||
| But the idea that that makes you a white nationalist because you talk to someone. | ||
| Because you talk to them, yeah. | ||
| It's so fucking stupid. | ||
| But it's like this is the world we live in and everything's so polarized. | ||
| It's like you're left or right, you're black or white, you're one or zero. | ||
| It's like there's no gray area. | ||
| They also freeze you in the one moment that you said the thing. | ||
| And then there's no before or after. | ||
| There's no growth. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| It's like you're fucking out. | ||
| Yeah, they just look for this quote trap. | ||
| You said that. | ||
| I clarified. | ||
| I expanded. | ||
| I took it back. | ||
| I revisited it. | ||
| There's a lot of things that people do when you talk. | ||
| You say things like you don't even know what the fuck you're going to say when you're saying it. | ||
| Then you go, that doesn't make sense. | ||
| Then you re-clarify and When you're talking in long foreign conversation like this in a podcast and someone wants to take a snippet out of it and just decide that that's who you are, it's nuts. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| And this is the world we're living in today. | ||
| Everybody wants to paint everyone as toxic. | ||
| You want to paint – so many people, I should say – want to paint people as being a problem or a negative thing. | ||
| And it's like this is the Twitter world where – 20% of the people make 80% of the posts. | ||
| And so many of them are fucking losers. | ||
| And it's also... | ||
| It's such a... | ||
| You're giving all of your power out to outward. | ||
| You're not paying attention to yourself. | ||
| You're blaming others. | ||
| You're trying to change the world around you. | ||
| You're trying to create a safe space through other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know how unhappy you're going to be in your life if you're expecting other people to... | ||
| Come cower to all of your demands and do all of your stuff. | ||
| Everyone's dealing with their own fucking shit. | ||
| They're not trying to be happy. | ||
| What they're trying to do is somehow or another score points and distract themselves from their own life by focusing on these external issues. | ||
| That they think are critical and super important. | ||
| And some of them are. | ||
| Obviously, running for president, whoever's going to be president, it's a very important issue. | ||
| And most of the time, like 95% of the time, I avoid comments. | ||
| But for whatever reason, I just found myself flipping through it because I wanted to see what people think about Bernie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, oh, what a mistake. | ||
| You can't look. | ||
| You can't look. | ||
| It seems worse, though. | ||
| It seems like every time I check, if I don't check Twitter for four months and then I check it, It's like, whoa! | ||
| Have things accelerated this much? | ||
| Or people are so angry at so many different things? | ||
| And just, they paint people in such caricature, like AOC. She is a woman who I don't think I've ever seen anybody People work so hard to mischaracterize her or paint her in a horrible light. | ||
| And I'm like, look, she says things that I don't agree with. | ||
| Why is everyone so fucking angry? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| Well, people will put all their things on. | ||
| They have these beliefs. | ||
| Definitely when I was in my whole... | ||
| When I was extra angry, you have this whole system around you, and you can't hear the other side. | ||
| Everyone has to be a villain in that, or they're either with you or against you. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| To me, it's just unhealthy. | ||
| I had to tap out. | ||
| I stopped paying attention to a lot of stuff, and I don't know if that makes me ignorant. | ||
| I just got to live a happy life. | ||
| No, I don't think it does make you ignorant. | ||
| I don't think it's an effective way to communicate. | ||
| I think it's a really piss-poor way to communicate, and I think it fosters rage more than anything. | ||
| There's something about being able to talk to people where you don't have social cues, you don't have empathy, you're not looking at them. | ||
| and people say the meanest nastiest shit each other and it's insulting people and dunking on people is more important than actual communication attention to so it's you know they're maybe trying to impress their other buddies that are on there they're trying to get those extra little likes right they're like the the main point would be they want to get your attention holy shit they got Joe Rogan's attention that's so cool you know they just want to feel alive or whatever and that's People have their own process. | ||
| I try to not take anything personally. | ||
| It's like, you don't know me. | ||
| If you don't like me, that's weird. | ||
| You don't know me. | ||
| You shouldn't really have that much of an opinion. | ||
| It's like not finding your validation. | ||
| You can't find the good stuff or the bad stuff in the comments. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| If you look at the comments for good things, it's just as bad as looking for bad things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, some people think it's a good idea to gauge whether or not the conversation was effective, whether or not you could have done something better to navigate it more efficiently or make it more entertaining for the people that are listening. | ||
| Looking for the constructive criticism. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there can be some of that from some people. | ||
| The problem is, you're trying to manage all this data at scale, right? | ||
| You're dealing with thousands and thousands of humans that are chiming in, and a lot of them are deeply unhappy. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people that are commenting on things that are just really frustrated with their lives like imagine if someone saw or Listen to you when you're like fuck man. | ||
| Yeah, and they're like, oh, that's who she right exactly exactly and then you see they see you on here laughing and being silly yeah wait a minute who's this bitch yeah you know like that doesn't make any sense that's not the same person yeah well you're not the same person you're not the same person who you were six months ago i know we grow in yeah hopefully yeah i hope so i mean I mean, I do. | ||
| I try to do a lot of work on myself. | ||
| I stopped watching. | ||
| This was huge for me. | ||
| I was watching a lot of true crime. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| I was watching like Datelines, stuff like that, all these things. | ||
| And I mean, that is fucking toxic. | ||
| People are obsessed with it. | ||
| They're obsessed with it. | ||
| And I just started to realize, I know a friend of mine had, there was one about her sister. | ||
| And once I saw that, and I just realized, like, this is not good. | ||
| This is finding entertainment out of these really real things that have happened to people in this pain. | ||
| And I have had fucked up things happen. | ||
| I've had friends have fucked up things happen. | ||
| I've seen these things. | ||
| I don't need to bring awareness to this. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| Well, a lot of women get into those true crime shows. | ||
| It's like dramatic and everything, but it's not. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| These are real things that happen to people. | ||
| But is it because you want to know that that's out there so you can prepare yourself or so you can be aware? | ||
| Like, what is the appeal? | ||
| Because apparently, see, find out if this is true, but I remember reading this, that true crime shows sort of skew in their demographics more female than male. | ||
| Like, more females are into true crime shows than male. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I think it's like a beginning, middle, and end to a story. | ||
| Like, there's a whole plot line, and then they catch the person, and the way the editing is, and they have the interviews. | ||
| Well, for a lot of the episodes, they will. | ||
| Sometimes they catch them before they kill them, and that's disappointing. | ||
| But it's just very... | ||
| Young women are the biggest true crime buffs, and here's why. | ||
| If you're even remotely interested in true crime story, oh, in true crime, boy... | ||
| Have the last couple years been good to you? | ||
| First, there was the mega-hit podcast Serial, which launched October 2014. | ||
| Several months later, the HBO released The Jinx. | ||
| Six-episode documentary, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, captivating these... | ||
| As captivating these programs were for the general public, one group in particular has become particularly enthusiastic about the genre. | ||
| Young women. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| It's weird, and a lot of the victims are young women. | ||
| It's like, I don't know what it is. | ||
| I don't know what sort of like... | ||
| According to Dr. Howard Foreman, a forensic psychiatrist at Montefiore Medical Center, the trend is rooted in empathy. | ||
| By the time you get to adulthood, women are able to empathize with a greater degree than men on average. | ||
| Foreman tells Tech Insider this may lead to true crime being more interesting to women than men, simply because if you empathize more with the victim, it may be more relevant to you and more gripping. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| And then if you empathize with the murderer, you're in some trouble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, oh, he did a good job. | ||
| It just was too, I don't know, it just got so dark and weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a guy in my, when I was living with my ex-boyfriend in this apartment building, there was this really weird kid who was so overly familiar and just really weird with me. | ||
| And I felt, I really felt threatened by him. | ||
| I felt really uncomfortable with him. | ||
| I told the landlord, you know, my boyfriend was traveling a lot for work and stuff, so... | ||
| I was alone a lot. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| He was like maybe 18. And you felt threatened by him. | ||
| He just was weird. | ||
| He was off Asperger's Eve. | ||
| Very weird. | ||
| The way he looked at me was weird. | ||
| He overly complimented me in an inappropriate way. | ||
| I would set up boundaries. | ||
| He would keep coming. | ||
| I was bringing my laundry up to my apartment. | ||
| And my boyfriend was out of town. | ||
| And the kid lived on a different floor than me. | ||
| And he goes, Oh, let me take your laundry. | ||
| I go, No. | ||
| No. | ||
| And he goes, oh, let me take it. | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| I don't need your help. | ||
| Very clear. | ||
| And then the door opens to the elevator. | ||
| He tries to take my laundry. | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| And then I get off the elevator and I start walking and he starts following me. | ||
| And I go, you don't live on this floor. | ||
| And he goes, oh, sometimes I get off here and walk up. | ||
| I go, no, you don't. | ||
| You're not supposed to be on this floor. | ||
| And then I pretended to go into someone else's apartment because I couldn't let him know where I lived. | ||
| And then he left. | ||
| So that's when I called Tate again. | ||
| And he set me up with Scott Epstein at 10th Planet. | ||
| And that's when I started doing jujitsu. | ||
| Because I'm like, nobody's fucking with me anymore. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| I cannot control my surroundings. | ||
| I cannot control that. | ||
| All I can do is control my ability to... | ||
| You don't live in the same building? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing that women have to deal with. | ||
| And I have experienced it to a far lesser degree with creepy dudes who want to follow me in hotels. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have... | |
| I've seen people... | ||
| People are so weird with you. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| They want to follow you in hotels, though? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, guys follow me into the elevator and want to come to my room. | ||
| Like, hey... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to watch you jerk off. | ||
| They're like, Louie me, please! | ||
| They don't want to leave me alone once I'm near them. | ||
| They just want to stay close to me. | ||
| People come up to you and they're so excited. | ||
| This is their moment. | ||
| They're shivering. | ||
| They're shaking. | ||
| I watch it all the time. | ||
| It's I told you I want to do a reaction where they just should have our faces, your friends' faces when people are approaching you. | ||
| We're just all like, oh my god. | ||
| I mean, they do it on a smaller scale with other people too, but I mean, you really have it. | ||
| They're always unfolding a paper. | ||
| They've always got something they need to share with you. | ||
| This is their big chance to tell you whatever the thing is that they need to tell you. | ||
| I mean, it is really their moment. | ||
| You're a part of people's biggest moment of their life all day long. | ||
| The biggest one is when they have a business pitch. | ||
| It's the most frustrating. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I'm like, listen, we are not going into business together. | ||
| How do you know if you don't hear it? | ||
| Because I don't have time to do what I'm doing already. | ||
| And I have friends. | ||
| I'm already selling fanny packs. | ||
| I can't do more. | ||
| Super busy with the fanny pack business. | ||
| Hireprimate.com. | ||
| Go there for all your fanny pack needs. | ||
| I died when you told me you sold fanny packs. | ||
| Yeah, sell out. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Every month I have to keep restocking them. | ||
| You're the king. | ||
| I don't even get it. | ||
| I sell a lot of fucking fanny packs. | ||
| They sell like crazy. | ||
| But they're really high quality. | ||
| I was living out of my car when you told me that. | ||
| It's a company called Roots from Canada. | ||
| They make them super high quality leather and I just get them to print it with a higher primate logo on them. | ||
| But you know how I found out about this company and their excellent fanny packs? | ||
| Did it involve anal sex? | ||
| No, diced clay. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dice Clay had a fanny pack on and I said, where did you get that glorious fanny pack? | ||
| He was like, oh, you like it? | ||
| Oh! | ||
| And he showed it to me and I said, this is fucking excellent. | ||
| Can I go through? | ||
| It's roots. | ||
| There's nothing in there. | ||
| There's nothing good. | ||
| Chapstick? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's CBD chapstick. | ||
| CBD, huh? | ||
| That's the only one I fuck with. | ||
| I took some before I came so I didn't freak the fuck out. | ||
| Does that help you? | ||
| Oh, there's something in here. | ||
| Oh, cow. | ||
| You're so rich. | ||
| Joe, you're so rich. | ||
| I was living in my car parking next to one of your cars. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| See that Roots fanny pack? | ||
| That's where I learned about it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He's got the fucking beautiful fanny pack. | ||
| And then, so what makes yours yours? | ||
| Well, I bought it from the Roots company. | ||
| I had them produce them for me. | ||
| And it's hard to see because this is an older one. | ||
| I've had this one for a few years. | ||
| But there's the Higher Primate logo that's embossed in the... | ||
| Can you get one that says Annie Fanny? | ||
| No, but you can make it. | ||
| Joe. | ||
| Bring it somewhere. | ||
| Will you lend me some money? | ||
| Yeah, I will. | ||
| Will you lend me some money to make my fanny pack? | ||
| Give me some money to glue glitter on it. | ||
| It's, uh, yeah. | ||
| I should do like a craft thing. | ||
| It'll be fun. | ||
| Should we have a craft? | ||
| Yeah, we'll do a little craft show. | ||
| That's not hard to do. | ||
| Puffy paints. | ||
| Just do it with glue. | ||
| You paint it with glue, and then you sprinkle glitter all over it. | ||
| The glue will stick to glitter. | ||
| I'm very glittery. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I try to wear hearts, though. | ||
| Dude, that's a good look for you. | ||
| I'm trying to Elton John. | ||
| I watch this video of Elton John Live all the time. | ||
| What are you showing me, Jamie? | ||
| Guys, the trend of wearing them up here like this. | ||
| Those people are cowards. | ||
| They're young. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| They can throw their... | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| They are cowards. | ||
| They don't want to wear it as a fanny pack. | ||
| So they wear it over their shoulder because they're cowards. | ||
| Yeah, and if a hot girl comes that doesn't like fanny packs, they can throw their elbow into it and pretend they're injured. | ||
| No! | ||
| That's not what they're doing. | ||
| I gotta laugh. | ||
| It's not a sling. | ||
| They're doing it because they want the functionality of a fanny pack, but they don't want the social stigma. | ||
| They're cowards. | ||
| Well, it's a new... | ||
| Yeah, it's like the Jaden Smith. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like he would wear that. | ||
| This is the younger generation. | ||
| They've taken our fanny packs and they've made them into something else. | ||
| Isn't he non-binary? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| What is it saying at the bottom of that goofy picture with that coward? | ||
| Fanny pack and see-through iridescent zip. | ||
| Don't have a see-through bag, by the way. | ||
| Nobody wants to see your tampons. | ||
| Hide your purse. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You never know with these young boys these days. | ||
| They're very woke. | ||
| They are woke. | ||
| They're so polite. | ||
| But there's all these women that want to get choked by Bigfoot, so... | ||
| I was reading this thing about Yale and that Yale put tampons in the men's room because they said, not everyone who menstruates is a woman. | ||
| And I'm like, yes, they are. | ||
| I thought maybe they worked for diarrhea. | ||
| No, yes, everyone who menstruates is a woman, scientifically. | ||
| We're getting wacky. | ||
| I'm a woman right now, can you tell? | ||
| We're getting wacky! | ||
| Yeah, it is a weird thing that's happening. | ||
| I'll call anyone whatever they want. | ||
| It's just a weird... | ||
| Yeah, I will too. | ||
| I have no problem. | ||
| I would love to make you happy, as long as it doesn't. | ||
| It's so wacky. | ||
| Well, Chappelle said that thing on his special where he said, to what degree do I have to partake in your self-esteem? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's – but it's not just that. | ||
| It's an enforcement. | ||
| There's like an authoritarian enforcement of certain language and certain ways of communicating with people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there is a goddamn hilarious thing that Tim Pool posted up of a communist meeting where this woman is calling everyone comrades, and this guy is like, could everyone please stop moving because – could you guys please stop moving because I have – Severe ADD and all this moving is really distracting me. | ||
| And the woman goes, alright, thank you, comrade, duly noted. | ||
| And then the guy goes, please, can you stop using gendered language when you say that? | ||
| It's very offensive. | ||
| Like, it is woke, gone chaos. | ||
| This is what I was saying before about how it's like, if you're expecting the world to accommodate to you, like, your safe space is inside yourself, you fool. | ||
| It's inside you. | ||
| You don't have control of the outside world. | ||
| This is people trying to control the language of everyone around them. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then saying it's unsafe if they don't follow your new vocabulary. | ||
| That's an unfair thing. | ||
| Do you find it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's an Asian lady, and he said, this can't be real. | ||
| It's like two days ago, he put it. | ||
| Sam Harris reminded me of it. | ||
| We were fucking howling, laughing about it. | ||
| It's got to the point of parody. | ||
| It's like The Onion is not ridiculous enough. | ||
| I know. | ||
| These people are more ridiculous than the most ridiculous parody. | ||
| You can't even mock it. | ||
| But do you think that it is them trying to see what they can get away with? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, they're little kids. | ||
| How far can I go? | ||
| They're playing make-believe. | ||
| I'm a chicken, you know? | ||
| I'm a woodhouse. | ||
| Someone said this to me. | ||
| I can't remember what it was, but that all of the words, the keywords that people are using now, like triggered, safe space, they're autistic terms. | ||
| They're terms that people use with autistic children. | ||
| Let's hear this. | ||
| Play this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If we want to defeat capitalism, we are going to need a party that will organize working people to fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism. | |
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Quick point of privilege. | ||
| Quick point of personal privilege. | ||
| Guys, first of all, James Jackson, Sacramento, he, him. | ||
| I just want to say, can we please keep the chatter to a minimum? | ||
| I'm one of the people who's very, very prone to sensory overload. | ||
| There's a lot of whispering and chatter going on. | ||
| It's making it very difficult for me to focus. | ||
| I know we're all fresh and ready to go, but can we please just keep the chatter to a minimum? | ||
| It's affecting my ability to focus. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you, comrade. | ||
| Is there a speaker against name, chapter, pronoun? | ||
| Point of personal privilege. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please do not use gendered language to address everyone. | |
| Look at that red-headed monster. | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| Right in that lower right-hand corner with the halter top or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| The tank top thing. | ||
| See that with the red head? | ||
| Red hair? | ||
| The crazy red hair? | ||
| That's the one that jumped up. | ||
| That's the he, him, she, her. | ||
| He's wearing that red so when he gets his period it doesn't show. | ||
| Do not use gendered language! | ||
| This is where we're at. | ||
| We're in nonsense land. | ||
| And people are acting like this is normal. | ||
| You're a bunch of babies. | ||
| What do you give a fuck if someone says, guys? | ||
| Yeah, who cares what people said about you? | ||
| Say girls. | ||
| Say girls. | ||
| I could be there. | ||
| Say girls. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| Please! | ||
| Do not use gendered language! | ||
| How does that change anything? | ||
| And by the way, if you can't deal with a bunch of people moving around and making noises and shit, just stop. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Get the fuck out of there. | ||
| Don't force everybody else to deal with your fucking weak mind. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| Watch this on YouTube. | ||
| Eat a steak. | ||
| Do some squats. | ||
| Eat a steak. | ||
| Eat some elk. | ||
| Get your fucking life in order. | ||
| Go fuck Bigfoot. | ||
| All right? | ||
| Go fuck a goddamn Bigfoot. | ||
| Go write a Bigfoot fuck book and make millions. | ||
| What is this seminar about? | ||
| About being an asshole? | ||
| Communism? | ||
| Socialism? | ||
| It's like playing on this thing, too, where it's like, I want people to feel good. | ||
| I was a special ed teacher. | ||
| I've done all these things. | ||
| Special ed kids wouldn't have been talking like this, asking for all these things. | ||
| Well, this is what these kids are calling socialism, right? | ||
| Everyone has to be super, super sensitive and aware of every single fucking thing they do and every single fucking thing that everybody around them does. | ||
| Everybody has to comply. | ||
| It keeps you a victim, too, because it's impossible for that to happen. | ||
| So no one's ever going to comply to everything you say. | ||
| There's always going to be one person. | ||
| Even if they want to, maybe they were listening to something else and they didn't know that that's what they were supposed to do or whatever. | ||
| So then you're always going to be a victim of something. | ||
| Someone's always said the wrong thing. | ||
| They've always done the wrong thing. | ||
| And all of your worth is from something outside of yourself, and you now don't have to deal with your own shit. | ||
| It ramps up. | ||
| What used to be acceptable a year ago, now is unacceptable. | ||
| A year from now, it'll be something else. | ||
| After a while, you won't even be able to say colored. | ||
| You're going to have to say the C word, right? | ||
| You're going to have to say, you can't say people of color, which is a... | ||
| P.O.C.? Isn't it people of color? | ||
| That is a weird one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like the NCAA, or NAACP rather, National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, which is bananas. | ||
| Like, you can't say that. | ||
| You can't even say that anymore. | ||
| It's like so dumb, right? | ||
| It's such a weird thing. | ||
| And also, I feel like if people stopped having attachment to words, you could stop having them mean anything. | ||
| Like, they wouldn't hurt you. | ||
| Well, Lenny Bruce talked about that in the 60s. | ||
| It was one of his bits in the 60s. | ||
| He would call people by a bunch of ethnic slurs and then say, you know, the problem with not saying these words is that if you say these words enough time, they lose all their meaning and it's not going to hurt some kids' feelings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm paraphrasing. | ||
| But this is the opposite of that. | ||
| And you know what they did to him? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| They turned him into a woman and Miss Maisel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| They rewrote him. | ||
| They rebooted him. | ||
| I've watched a little bit. | ||
| I think it's good. | ||
| I haven't watched. | ||
| But it is weird, right? | ||
| Mrs. Maisel is him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's the motherfucker. | ||
| I auditioned for that and then when I saw her tits in the front, I'm like, my tits auditioned for her tits? | ||
| That's like amazing. | ||
| You want to show your tits? | ||
| No, but in the first scene she showed her tits. | ||
| I was like, alright, thank you. | ||
| Thank you for getting me that audition. | ||
| I don't understand what you're saying. | ||
| She showed her tits in the first scene and I didn't realize that that was going to be in the scene. | ||
| They didn't make me go topless or whatever, but I was honored to have been in the same scene. | ||
| Audition pool is... | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's Rachel Brosnahan and her big juicy tits. | ||
| She looks great. | ||
| She looks great. | ||
| She's really funny. | ||
| She's good. | ||
| She's a great actress. | ||
| She is hilarious. | ||
| But I was talking to a male comic. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| And he was like, I don't like that fucking show because there was no woman like that back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was weird. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There was no Superman either, man. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| There's no Walking Dead. | ||
| Rick didn't kill any zombies. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| It's all fake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does it really freak you out that there was a woman comic? | ||
| Like... | ||
| They're not saying it happened. | ||
| It's a show about comedy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a funny show about comedy. | ||
| You should be excited that there's a show about stand-up comedy in the 1950s and 60s. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| What do you care if they made up a woman? | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, they're not getting represented. | ||
| The white men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not even that. | |
| It's like a historical thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was bothering him historically. | ||
| It is that they are intersecting with real things that happened, so I can see where that's a little annoying. | ||
| I don't want to bring up Elton John again, but I did see Rocketman, and it was weird when they were not... | ||
| If there are things that happened and you're... | ||
| Why do you say bring up Elton John again? | ||
| Because I keep bringing him up. | ||
| Yeah, you just didn't even... | ||
| When did you bring him up earlier? | ||
| I've just been talking about him the whole time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did she? | |
| No. | ||
| Because I listen to Elton John a lot. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, I watched this one live video of him a lot. | ||
| I don't think you said that. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| I can only be expected to be listened to 20% of the time. | ||
| What was wrong with Rocketman? | ||
| Well, it's just he didn't write the lyrics, which they said, but then the whole movie was like trying to force these life events into the lyrics. | ||
| So it was like, but he didn't write it. | ||
| So he didn't write it. | ||
| So it just wasn't, it didn't feel real. | ||
| I would have rather have heard more shit about when he married that woman and stuff. | ||
| He married a woman? | ||
| Yeah, he married a woman. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How frustrated was she? | ||
| She must have been really horny. | ||
| Just sliding around in there. | ||
| She probably didn't know. | ||
| She's probably rich. | ||
| But I think probably maybe it was just a beard situation. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| There's got to be a lot of those. | ||
| There's a lot of guys that want to believe that they can be straight, you know? | ||
| That's why they buy the Whitney Cummings dick doll. | ||
| But that's where I like that all pray the gay away stuff is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have you ever heard of those pray the gay away camps where these guys are sitting around holding men with boners? | ||
| They literally get hard-ons holding you and telling you you're not gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, hey, what the fuck's going on back there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's like, it's so wild to not be like, just lean into what you are, your happiness, your joy, and Yeah, but think about yourself. | ||
| You were raised a Quaker. | ||
| What if you raised some wildly homophobic Christian? | ||
| You know, anybody who does that is a Satan worshiper and you're going to go burn in hell and you live with all this guilt and sin. | ||
| Just feeling like that shame that you're rotten or whatever. | ||
| I mean, I definitely have my own shame and I know probably everyone carries some with them. | ||
| I can't imagine on that scale. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| That is probably one of the biggest ones if you're raised Christian, though. | ||
| If you're raised serious Christian, especially fundamental, one of the worst sins to lay with another man and just dealing with it. | ||
| The dick that they must get at those camps, though. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I mean, they must just be pounding each other out. | ||
| They probably come so quick because they can't believe they're actually doing it. | ||
| And then they have that camaraderie in the fact that they both are trying to not be this thing. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm getting horny just talking about it, honestly. | ||
| I have a new genre. | ||
| It's not Bigfoot. | ||
| We have to work through this. | ||
| I mean, I'm not gay and you're not gay, even though we just fucked. | ||
| I know, just crying in each other's gay arms. | ||
| What a sneaky trick if you believe in God that God did. | ||
| God said, listen, you cannot have sex with men, but you're going to want nothing but that. | ||
| You're really going to want it. | ||
| You're going to want that all day. | ||
| You're going to see their juicy assholes all day. | ||
| You want it more than food. | ||
| You want it more than water. | ||
| You just want dick and butt. | ||
| Dick and butt. | ||
| Dude, dick, butt. | ||
| Firemen and fucking cops and construction workers and Indians and cowboys. | ||
| And then a band's going to come out and they're all going to play each part and you're going to have to try to not fuck them. | ||
| And then you can't even go to the YMCA anymore. | ||
| I mean, if you really believe in Jesus and you really believe that you shouldn't be gay, but you are gay, what a dirty trick God has played on you. | ||
| Must be terrible. | ||
| I just feel like there's nothing more dangerous than repressed. | ||
| Homosexuality. | ||
| That's got to be where cancer, not just homosexuality, but repressing any sort of feelings like that. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's got to be what cancer is. | ||
| Well, repressed sexuality is always strange. | ||
| Like, when I was in high school, there was always these girls from Catholic school. | ||
| And girls from Catholic school that went to all-girls Catholic schools were the biggest hoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| They could not wait. | ||
| Anal doesn't count. | ||
| They couldn't wait to get some dick because it was so forbidden. | ||
| It was a forbidden fruit. | ||
| They just would get so excited they couldn't believe it was real. | ||
| Just fighting off these hormones. | ||
| It's just such a terrible trick to play on a young person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To tell them that their body is dirty and awful and that these thoughts that are just prevalent, omnipresent in their mind are the wicked ways of the devil. | ||
| And that which you resist persists. | ||
| You know, you're just thinking about that fucking butthole all day. | ||
| Fucking sucking a dick. | ||
| Fat, juicy hog. | ||
| You just can't have it. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| It's also weird. | ||
| If you're out there, listen. | ||
| Let's just say, let God give you a hall pass. | ||
| Go fuck an asshole. | ||
| Go fuck an asshole. | ||
| Go suck a dick. | ||
| Or just move to Boys Town and realize you're going to be fine. | ||
| There's a group of them. | ||
| They get together and they have a great old time. | ||
| There's a parade? | ||
| They're so happy. | ||
| West Hollywood is the happiest. | ||
| It's so happy. | ||
| They're free. | ||
| Their shoulders are exposed. | ||
| There's just tank tops everywhere. | ||
| Hair shaved. | ||
| Anything you want. | ||
| Every type. | ||
| I love going. | ||
| I feel invisible. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You are. | ||
| I could walk bottomless and they would just... | ||
| I've talked to gay guys so they get mad that straight guys and straight girls are going to gay clubs now to hang out. | ||
| That it's like a weird thing. | ||
| Cultural appropriation? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Talk to Martindale. | ||
| Well, I could see where you'd be like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Martindale doesn't like that. | |
| Where you'd be like, hey, this was like our place to fuck and now you're here like... | ||
| You're wearing glitter? | ||
| Yeah, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You're wearing rainbows? | ||
| Remember Dimitri Martin had that joke about where he's like... | ||
| I'm paraphrasing, but gays just get rainbows. | ||
| That's not fair. | ||
| You just get fractured light, like greedy, greedy gays. | ||
| I mean, this is back in the day when you could say stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, I had a bit that was pretty similar. | ||
| It was because of Duck Dynasty. | ||
| One of the guys from Duck Dynasty was giving, I don't get it, I don't understand. | ||
| And my bit was like, listen, you should shut the fuck up or the gay people will take over camo the same way they took the rainbows. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| They owned the rainbow. | ||
| The rainbow used to be leprechauns, used to be the Lucky Charms guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now, it's gay people. | ||
| To the point where if I came on stage with a fucking rainbow t-shirt on, people would be like, I knew it! | ||
| I knew it! | ||
| We've been waiting for this moment! | ||
| I fucking knew it! | ||
| But the idea was that if, like, what all the gay guys would have to do is start every gay porn in a duck blind. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Every gay porn would start with a... | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| They're wearing camo and they're duck hunting and then someone would come in, a black guy would come in and go, something about duck hunting make me haunt. | ||
| That like duck whistle thing? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| My friend worked on, my friend Mike who I stayed with worked on Duck Dynasty so he knows all those guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| That seemed like a trip. | ||
| Are they butt-fucking all the time when no one's working? | ||
| I don't think so, but... | ||
| You know, it is funny when you take just a family and then you make them stars. | ||
| And they cross between reality and all that stuff. | ||
| And then they go crazy. | ||
| And then all of a sudden they're on their own and they get interviewed and they say something really crazy. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| The minute they're not... | ||
| Some TMZ guy puts a camera in their face. | ||
| Are they still doing that show? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| How could they stop? | ||
| It seems like it was just printing money. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder. | ||
| I mean, maybe they are. | ||
| I know my friend doesn't work for them anymore. | ||
| But yeah, are they still doing Duck Dynasty? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how... | ||
| I give him the credit for Duck Dynasty, whether he wants it or not. | ||
| I don't know how that show... | ||
| Final episode, March 29th, 2017. How does that show end, ever? | ||
| It feels like a smart producer should step in and go, Hey guys, it's been a couple of years. | ||
| I'm sure you've had a lot of wacky stories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Someone falls asleep with a cigarette in their mouth. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All that camo, gone. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| If you watch that show, it's like, there's nothing compelling about it at all, but it was an enormous hit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a bunch of people doing duck stuff. | ||
| There is something about reality TV, though, where you're just like, it's so thoughtless. | ||
| You just don't have to. | ||
| You're just being taken on this dumb, dumb ride, and you're just like, you know? | ||
| It's just nothing happening. | ||
| It's like, alright. | ||
| Next thing you know, you're watching people dissect a storage container. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what I really like is Survivor. | ||
| That one I still like. | ||
| Survivor. | ||
| I still like Survivor. | ||
| I think it's the number one reality show. | ||
| Because it's making people... | ||
| It's taking away all of their comforts, and they still have to communicate with each other, play games with each other. | ||
| They have to... | ||
| They're starving. | ||
| They have to do these physical... | ||
| It's still... | ||
| You're watching people be like tested and put to the limit. | ||
| What season is that on? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| There's so many seasons. | ||
| It's like season one million. | ||
| I've seen all of them. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I don't pay attention to them fully so I can re-watch them at some point. | ||
| I've watched them a couple times. | ||
| That show was on before Fear Factor. | ||
| So we started Fear Factor in 2001. So that show was probably on in 2000. Yeah. | ||
| And 19 years later... | ||
| It's in the 30s now. | ||
| 30 seasons or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
30 seasons. | |
| 33rd, yeah. | ||
| I'm embarrassed that I don't know it because that's how much I love this time. | ||
| Is it still a hit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Listen, people either are on to Survivor or they're not. | ||
| Well, they've actually done 38 episodes or seasons somehow it says, but this is the 33rd. | ||
| Yeah, they do several a year. | ||
| Now, is it still Jeff Probst? | ||
| Is he still the host? | ||
| It's still Jeff Probst. | ||
| He's still the host. | ||
| He's still under the radar. | ||
| Jeff Probst just gets those checks and stays home. | ||
| Yeah, but here's the deal. | ||
| I've seen him driving around. | ||
| He had his little summer fedora. | ||
| He was riding in his Prius. | ||
| He drives a Prius? | ||
| This was like three years ago. | ||
| I saw him driving around. | ||
| Stockpiling all the cheese? | ||
| Yeah, maybe he's Rich Dad Poor Dad. | ||
| No, I mean, he must have all his money just stocked away. | ||
| He's driving around in a Prius. | ||
| I love the show. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| They could take this away from him at any moment. | ||
| If somebody replaced him, would you notice? | ||
| Is he an integral part of the show? | ||
| I think people would be upset. | ||
| They would be upset? | ||
| What if Mario Lopez took his spot? | ||
| I think people would be very upset. | ||
| I think they'd be extra upset. | ||
| What if Adam Carolla took his spot? | ||
| It would get cancelled. | ||
| People would be like, Trump, no! | ||
| Is he a Trump supporter? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Adam? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But I don't know for sure. | ||
| I don't want to call anyone anything. | ||
| I think he's conservative. | ||
| I think he is a Trump supporter, though. | ||
| Some people get conservative when they start making money, though. | ||
| Listen, everyone has the right to be whatever the fuck they are. | ||
| Oh, you think? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| What about Nazis? | ||
| They have more of a right. | ||
| A third right. | ||
| I don't think that's right. | ||
| I think it's something. | ||
| That's a different word. | ||
| Reich? | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| What is Third Reich? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't even literally don't. | ||
| I mean, I know what the Third Reich is, but I don't even know what it means. | ||
| Take a guess. | ||
| I literally have no idea what that means. | ||
| I know it means the Nazis, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Third Reich? | ||
| But what does it mean? | ||
| In German? | ||
| But isn't that a funny thing? | ||
| That's like, Third Reich is like, everyone knows, Nazis. | ||
| But no one knows what the fuck that means. | ||
| The etymology? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You with the big words. | ||
| I know a few. | ||
| What does it mean? | ||
| Third regime or empire or third realm or... | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So the third version of the Nazi party? | ||
| The first was the Holy Roman Empire, which lasted until 1806. The second would be 1871 to 1918. And this was the third. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So they were just, they were considering themselves to be the third rulers of the world like the Romans. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, what a mess. | ||
| And the crazy thing is that that was not that long ago. | ||
| It was not that long ago. | ||
| Not even a hundred years ago. | ||
| It was not that long ago at all. | ||
| Have you ever seen the video of Hitler tweaking at the 1936 Olympics? | ||
| Twerking? | ||
| Tweak. | ||
| Like, speed. | ||
| He was on serious speed. | ||
| We were with Brian Moses. | ||
| Brian Moses was saying that Hitler was into bull semen. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| And he's like, yeah. | ||
| And then we found out that taurine, which is in Red Bull, actually is from bull semen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, my God! | ||
| That's so fun. | ||
| That's why I like Red Bull. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That's Hitler tweaking. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at him go. | ||
| He is straight up tweaking at the Olympics. | ||
| So he was on all kinds of crazy speed. | ||
| And then we read this thing about how he was incredibly fatigued and almost dying. | ||
| And he got injected with... | ||
| Testosterone and cocaine and oxycodone. | ||
| Wasn't gonna make that dick, bro. | ||
| And then went and talked Mussolini out of leaving the war. | ||
| Because Mussolini wanted to get the fuck out of World War II and Hitler went and just talked at him for five hours. | ||
| All coked up and oxycodoned out and bullcum dripping down his throat. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did he extract the bullcum? | ||
| I don't know, but bull semen apparently has this taurine stuff in it, and they extract taurine from some other method to make the taurines in Red Bull. | ||
| Actually, that's what the guys at the Pray the Gay Away camp do. | ||
| That's their job. | ||
| Take it away from the tap? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| They're extracting it. | ||
| If you suck a bull's dick, you deserve all that. | ||
| Well, do you remember? | ||
| I always think about that horse guy in Zoo, the documentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That documentary's amazing. | ||
| That video of the horse... | ||
| And the part that I'm traumatized by is not the fucking part, okay? | ||
| No. | ||
| And do you remember the scene? | ||
| Okay, so he gets up on the bucket, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then, you know, they need, like, several people to grab this giant horse cock and put it in his ass. | ||
| And then the horse rams him only once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then he goes... | ||
| This is the part that got me. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| He looks back and he goes, did he come? | ||
| Like he was so concerned if the horse came. | ||
| I was like, oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, and the guy made a noise. | ||
| Like a noise where you're dying. | ||
| He was. | ||
| He died so soon after. | ||
| And then his friend goes, too much? | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Like, did you get too much horse dick? | ||
| Did you get too much horse dick? | ||
| And he did. | ||
| He died. | ||
| If you look at the math, the size of a horse dick and the size of a body cavity, it's like, where is it going? | ||
| What's getting out of the way to make room for that dick? | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| They dropped him off at the hospital. | ||
| They rolled him out? | ||
| And he was bleeding. | ||
| He bled out. | ||
| He had bled out from his asshole. | ||
| He died happy. | ||
| I don't think he did. | ||
| You don't think he was like, maybe this was worth it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think exactly. | |
| If the horse had come, do you think he would have been worth it? | ||
| He would have thought it was worth it? | ||
| The horse did come. | ||
| But do you know that this whole thing, they had hundreds and hundreds of hours of footage of him getting fucked by donkeys and horses and a bunch of other people that these people had met online. | ||
| And the zoophilia, right, is the medical terminology for someone who's sexually attracted to farm animals. | ||
| Or animals, period. | ||
| And so these people all met online in some chat room and then decided to get together in Washington State where it was still legal to fuck animals. | ||
| There's like only a few states where it's okay. | ||
| It's so funny that there has to be a law. | ||
| Yeah, there has to be a law. | ||
| Aren't you just so happy that's not what you're into? | ||
| I just wake up so grateful and blessed. | ||
| I go, thank God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Could you imagine if that was your trick? | ||
| Oh, thank God. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You can't control that, right? | ||
| Like, some people are into feet. | ||
| Some people are into getting fucked by horses. | ||
| Oh, I was segueing into feet, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yes, people are into feet. | ||
| Have you heard? | ||
| I've heard they're into feet. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| Well, I was reading up on it that it's the part of the brain that handles your genitals and your feet are right next to their adjacent. | ||
| So sometimes they think that the wires get crossed. | ||
| And the guy that studied it was a guy who studied phantom limb syndrome. | ||
| So he was following up on these people's brains where they would feel that they still had a foot or whatever. | ||
| And some guys would get horny. | ||
| It would get their brain so it was just like crossed. | ||
| They would get horny thinking of their own knot foot. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| How did that get started? | ||
| They just, people were, they started a wiki feet account for me. | ||
| I just didn't know if my feet were a thing. | ||
| I just didn't know. | ||
| I thought I was just walking around in slides, didn't know I was walking around. | ||
| I may as well have just been bottomless. | ||
| I may as well have just been wearing like pajama bottoms with the ass flap backwards open. | ||
| Just put, I mean, my little feet pussies just walking around. | ||
| So then I noticed the WikiFeet thing, and then people were DMing me all the time to see my feet, and I just was like, you don't get this. | ||
| Have you talked to Whitney about her DMs? | ||
| Whitney shares DMs with us sometimes. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| There's a group chatterman with Nick Swartzen and Crystalia and Whitney, and she'll post pictures of her DMs. | ||
| It's like, what in the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, they're wild. | ||
| I do a thing on my podcast and on my live stream sometimes where I sage my pussy at the end of the night. | ||
| Sage it? | ||
| I get sage and I just, yeah, just to break the negative dick cords that were sent to me. | ||
| The unwanted dick cords from all these dudes. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, put your dick cords away. | ||
| But you know, people are pervs. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| I just make fun of them. | ||
| But it's more guys that are pervs than girls that are pervs with stuff like feet and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Is there a thing that girls are into that's kind of gross? | ||
| Money. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| But that makes sense. | ||
| Like money can keep... | ||
| If you don't like your job and you find a guy with money. | ||
| Some people are into like fat guys. | ||
| Some people are into... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| People are into all different things, but... | ||
| But not in the same way. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| Some guys are into fat girls too, but there's a big difference between that and feet. | ||
| Men are just very... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gross. | |
| You're gross, but it's biologically your dicks are just... | ||
| Your dicks are just dragging you through the world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's just got to be acknowledged. | ||
| We can't pretend this isn't a thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| Just dragging you. | ||
| It's just that's not... | ||
| We're like breastfeeding and shit. | ||
| We're thinking about other shit. | ||
| In archery, there's a term called front of center, meaning how much weight is in the front of the arrow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It determines how much penetration the arrow will have on an animal. | ||
| I'm getting so horny. | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's like the thing with dicks. | ||
| It's like dicks are like your front of center. | ||
| It's like dragging you forward. | ||
| No, they're just... | ||
| I feel like you guys should be holding yourselves back through doorways because your dicks are pulling you through things. | ||
| And it makes life a lot easier when you just realize that. | ||
| But I think it's like... | ||
| I just have only grown up a girl, so I just didn't... | ||
| I knew, obviously, because I've... | ||
| Had a lot of sexual attention, even very young, but it's just like, your dicks are a thing. | ||
| They're a fucking thing. | ||
| Well, there's a reason why there's seven billion people, and it's not necessarily because women are that horny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it's just, dudes are trying so hard to fuck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Because your body's compelled. | ||
| I mean, this is an evolutionary thing, and it used to be really hard to stay alive. | ||
| Not that long ago. | ||
| And now it's really easy. | ||
| And we're kind of left with the burden of this shift. | ||
| Our brains and our biology hasn't really caught up to the fact that we don't need to have as many people as we used to. | ||
| We used to have a 50% mortality rate amongst children. | ||
| It was very difficult to survive. | ||
| That was just in China, too. | ||
| You're seeing more shifting with those guys in that video, these beta guys, the one guy calling out for people to stop being distracting and the other one calling out for people to stop using gendered language. | ||
| Who are they? | ||
| Well, they wouldn't survive if the Roman army was invading. | ||
| They would have never made it. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder who's fucking them. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Maybe they're just men that aren't driven by that, you know? | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| That's just as good as they can get. | ||
| They just... | ||
| Genes, circumstances... | ||
| They're getting attention and stuff from it. | ||
| Yes, it's a mess. | ||
| They're a mess. | ||
| This is just non-survival. | ||
| It's so weird how much of our caveman shit is still there and how much of the survival stuff... | ||
| I've been listening to a lot of therapy podcasts. | ||
| There's this one called The Adult Chair. | ||
| It's this woman, Michelle Chalfant. | ||
| And she's... | ||
| Just, it's all about dealing, like, with your inner child and all of your instincts. | ||
| She has, like, the adolescent chair and the adult chair. | ||
| And your adolescent chair is all of your ego and your emotions and your fight or flight. | ||
| Like, all of that, the stuff that you do, the procrastination. | ||
| Whatever is your problem. | ||
| Like, why is that happening? | ||
| There's something that's coming from either your child chair or... | ||
| Something from your childhood, or things like socially, when you have social anxiety and panic attacks and stuff, so much of it could be just back from, in the days, if you were excommunicated from your tribe, you would die. | ||
| Yes, for sure. | ||
| If you weren't a part of the club, you would fucking die. | ||
| Whitney Cummins is explaining that to me. | ||
| That's the reason why people are afraid of public speaking, is that when you were speaking in front of a group, you were trying to save your life. | ||
| You were trying to plead your case, for the most part. | ||
| Unless you were the leader of the tribe, most of the people were just trying to say, please, I didn't know, and don't kill me. | ||
| Is that how you feel walking around? | ||
| Me? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but some people do. | ||
| At the comedy store, people are like, merciful king! | ||
| No, you know how I feel walking around? | ||
| I feel like they don't... | ||
| It's like, they don't have anybody... | ||
| Here's the way to put it. | ||
| When you are listening to someone all the time, and that person's in your ear, that person becomes like a weird part of your life, and then you meet them, and you're like, whoa, this is crazy that you're right here. | ||
| I've experienced that. | ||
| When I first met Anthony Bourdain, I was weirded out. | ||
| I was like, I can't believe you're right here. | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
| And I've gotten used to that over time, but still, it's strange when I meet famous people. | ||
| And it's even weirder when I meet famous people and they know me. | ||
| I'm like, you know me, okay. | ||
| And then we become famous people together. | ||
| Like, hi, famous person, let's hug it out. | ||
| I've seen that before. | ||
| It's fucking strange. | ||
| When two famous people just see, and then you're already in this weird club of famous people. | ||
| It's strange. | ||
| Automatically famous people club. | ||
| Well, it's not a normal state, and people that enjoy the podcast, it becomes a part of their life, and maybe it benefits them, and maybe they start getting motivated and cleaning up their life and start being healthier and exercising and eating better, and then it becomes just like... | ||
| Almost like a religion kind of thing. | ||
| Because it becomes the thing that you think of, you know, in terms of like how to benefit your life, how to live in a positive way. | ||
| You think about the things you learned on the podcast, almost like you would look at a religious doctrine. | ||
| You look at the teachings of Christ, you know, you look at the teachings of Moses, or you look at like, oh, what Rhonda Patrick said was this. | ||
| Oh, well, you know, what Graham Hancock was talking about that. | ||
| Your voice is like in their head. | ||
| You're like an unhired coach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, there's a little bit of that. | ||
| And it also represents my own quest to try to figure out my own life and to do it publicly and explain what I've learned and how I've failed and what I've gotten better at. | ||
| It helps other people when you hear that because you go, oh, okay, I'm not alone. | ||
| Because people think that if your life is in order right now, that it's always been like that. | ||
| So I think it really helps people to hear, like, oh, I used to be a fucking loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I did. | ||
| And I used to be scared to talk to bank tellers. | ||
| And it was true. | ||
| I used to be weirded out socially. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| Now can they hear your voice over the cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching? | ||
| Cha-ching? | ||
| Because you're rich. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That's in your head. | ||
| You're so rich. | ||
| You're my richest friend. | ||
| Am I? Probably. | ||
| I'm guessing. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I can't imagine who's richer. | ||
| Well, someday you'll be rich too. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| We'll laugh together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll laugh. | |
| You have laughed at me before. | ||
| Will you get those same kind of glasses but surround them with diamonds? | ||
| Yeah, I want to get jewels. | ||
| I can see those being surrounded with diamonds. | ||
| How long do you think it's going to take? | ||
| To surround them with diamonds? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just ordered them. | ||
| You don't even think about it because you're too busy doing other things. | ||
| I'm so busy. | ||
| Yes, so busy. | ||
| Are you culturally appropriating with those hoop earrings? | ||
| Have you heard my joke about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| About how I got accused of cultural appropriation for wearing these hoops? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Who accused you? | ||
| My best friend. | ||
| She's black. | ||
| But I did slide them off her neck. | ||
| She's African. | ||
| I do want to be a part of her tribe. | ||
| That's the joke. | ||
| That is the craziest shit when they stretch their neck out with those things. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| This is when you can get mad at the Jenners for cultural preparation. | ||
| It's when they have the lip plate. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| When they come with the stretched out thing. | ||
| Suri women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just... | ||
| Cultural preparation is a weird... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think we should all be dressing alike. | ||
| I think it's cool. | ||
| That we all should be... | ||
| I think people should be... | ||
| I mean, you shouldn't be disrespecting people's culture and stuff, but I don't know what... | ||
| Most of what we're calling cultural appropriation today is people looking for a reason to complain. | ||
| Cultural appropriation is one of the reasons why cities are so interesting. | ||
| Because we share each other's food, we share each other's clothes, and listen to each other's music, and wear each other's jewelry. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| And what's interesting is how many people from America are upset about things, but then when people from China or Japan find out that we're wearing Japanese geisha clothes. | ||
| We also do bukkake? | ||
| They're so pissed. | ||
| No, they like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're happy. | |
| I feel like there's been times where I've just done stuff online. | ||
| You know, I'll have a bit or whatever and then someone else starts doing it and you get mad at that. | ||
| Well, that's different. | ||
| Not a bit, not a joke. | ||
| I mean, just like a thing I'm doing. | ||
| Well, that's different because then you feel like someone's copying you. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That happens all the time. | ||
| But then some people get mad like, oh, I'm doing a podcast. | ||
| Now he's doing a podcast. | ||
| Are you copying me? | ||
| Like, hey, fuckface. | ||
| You don't own podcasts. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I have a podcast that's called The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I've literally had that conversation with people where they were like mad that now he's doing a podcast. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about, stupid? | ||
| There's 600,000 fucking podcasts. | ||
| Also, it just doesn't have to do with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Focus. | ||
| Aim your arrow, bitch. | ||
| Handle your own life. | ||
| Deal with your own shit. | ||
| I have lived as a victim for many years. | ||
| There is a benefit to it because you're always fed it. | ||
| If you are looking at the world like you're a victim, you will be given everything you need. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please don't stop using gendered language. | |
| Everyone's going to be disappointing you. | ||
| Everyone's going to be upsetting you. | ||
| Or... | ||
| You can just accept some fucking responsibility and it feels so good. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| It does feel good. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it feels good to be calm and to just be at peace. | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of work involved in that. | ||
| You've got to fucking meditate. | ||
| You've got to iron out your own stuff. | ||
| You've got to exercise. | ||
| It's a work in progress. | ||
| Yes, we all are. | ||
| I'm fucking trying, man. | ||
| I'm fucking trying. | ||
| I have to wrap this up. | ||
| If anybody wants to see you, you are at the Comedy Store on a regular basis. | ||
| You got any other dates? | ||
| I'm at the Comedy Store on a regular basis. | ||
| I'm at the Blue Room in Missouri. | ||
| What's the blue room? | ||
| Let's look it up right now. | ||
| Is it a city in Missouri? | ||
| Or is it just you have to find it in the state? | ||
| It's a big state. | ||
| Is there a place? | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I should have had this ready. | ||
| You don't even know where you are? | ||
| When is this? | ||
| It's Springfield, Missouri. | ||
| Talk into the microphone. | ||
| It's in Springfield, Missouri. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| It is not this weekend, next weekend. | ||
| It is on August 17th and 18th in Springfield, Missouri. | ||
| Do you have a website where people can find all this stuff? | ||
| Annie Letterman dot com. | ||
| And Annie Letterman on Instagram. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On Instagram. | |
| I'm also at GoBananas October, the third weekend in October. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| GoBananas in Cincinnati. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| At the end of October. | ||
| Second to last weekend. | ||
| I should have found these ready. | ||
| And my new podcast. | ||
| Meinspiration on all things comedy. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Meinspiration? | ||
| Meinspiration, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Annie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Good to see you, my friend. | ||
| You too. | ||
| Yeah, I'll see you tonight. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| Bye, guys. | ||
| Joe! |
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