Aug. 6, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:16:06
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, Alonzo. | ||
| What is up, Joe? | ||
| Good to see you, my brother. | ||
| Man, it is so good to be back. | ||
| It's my first time seeing the new joint. | ||
| It's absolutely amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I thought you'd been here, the new spot. | ||
| No, like I said, you were building this when I did the last one. | ||
| When you said you could do everything here, it's like, yeah, this is the bunker. | ||
| I don't live that far from here. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| So when the bomb hits, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to Joe's spot. | ||
| Well, if you're in the neighborhood, you want to use the gym. | ||
| It's always open. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| I'll bring canned goods. | ||
| Bring water. | ||
| Bring water purifiers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If the shit hits the fan. | ||
| Bernie had me nervous. | ||
| Bernie Sanders was just here. | ||
| He had me nervous. | ||
| About? | ||
| Climate change. | ||
| Whenever someone brings up climate change, it's like a bill that you didn't pay. | ||
| You're like, ah, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it's real. | ||
| Okay, so now I'm going to do my first shameless plug for my new special. | ||
| Is it out now? | ||
| August 23rd on Amazon Prime. | ||
| You're one of the new wave of Amazon specials. | ||
| I'm very excited about this. | ||
| Yeah, they're testing the water, so it's good to be in. | ||
| It's called Heavy Lightweight, and I call it that because I do some heavy topics and then I mix it in with lightweight shit. | ||
| Because if you do all heavy, wow, that was depressing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I talk about the climate change thing, but it's like, to be honest, like, look. | ||
| I'm a black man, 57. I got, what, like 10 years left? | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, statistically, God bless you, millennials, I wish you luck, but I had a good run. | ||
| No kids. | ||
| Nah! | ||
| By the way, you look amazing for 57. Thank you. | ||
| Black don't crack. | ||
| Well, and this is what I talk about. | ||
| Right up until the day it does, right? | ||
| So, like, literally, right until the day before I die, I look great. | ||
| And then, what happened? | ||
| Some bitch died. | ||
| From what? | ||
| Black. | ||
| Been black his whole life. | ||
| Shit just caught up with him. | ||
| He got fucking diabetes, sickle cell, and high blood pressure in the same day. | ||
| A wave. | ||
| A wave of malady. | ||
| But no, but the climate change thing is real, but I think the big problem is it's slow. | ||
| It's not dramatic. | ||
| So people, it's easy to not think about it because, you know, yeah, the ocean's rising, but it's an inch a year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which, you know, I may not, that may not be exact, but you know what I mean. | ||
| It's not a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| So people don't see it with the urgency. | ||
| And I think that's why you have the young Congress people talking about it because they're like, hey, this is going to be in our lifetime, right? | ||
| But then you have the older generation where it's like, eh. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| I'm pretty sure, and we should check this, make sure this is correct, and I think we learned about this from Randall Carlson, that the increased CO2 rates also increases vegetation. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Because vegetation and greenery, they use carbon dioxide. | ||
| Right, they use carbon dioxide, right. | ||
| Yeah, the increased rates. | ||
| Actually, this is like one of the greenest times ever. | ||
| Yeah, but I wonder how does that offset versus the there's less land for these plants to grow on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So when you look at rainforests, jungles, things like that. | ||
| It's just the opposite of that. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| That it makes it harder for them to grow. | ||
| What article says that? | ||
| Is there any articles that say that's not the case? | ||
| Because it seems like that's not something Randall would lie about. | ||
| He was talking about how this is like one of the most green times ever and the increase of forest and green trees. | ||
|
unidentified
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Honestly, I guess I'm seeing both of them then. | |
| So the very first things that pop up are high carbon levels make it harder for plants to grow from ThinkProgress. | ||
| Second thing, increased carbon dioxide levels and air restrict plants' ability to absorb nutrients. | ||
| It's from science.gu.se. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's another country, I think Sweden. | |
| Think progress. | ||
| Sounds like a bunch of fucking hippies. | ||
| Bunch of tree-dogging bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
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NASA says, though, it's making it greener for now. | |
| Yes. | ||
| So I would buy that. | ||
| The thing about... | ||
| And isn't this funny? | ||
| Like, with science, you have to check because you have to see if there's a political agenda. | ||
| Click on the NASA one. | ||
| You have to see if there's a political agenda behind the science, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| But you never know. | ||
| I'd go with what NASA says. | ||
| So they say, scroll back up, please. | ||
| CO2 is making the Earth greener for now. | ||
| And then it says, a quarter to half of Earth's vegetated lands have shown significant greening over the last 35 years, largely due to rising levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide, according to a new study published in the Journal for Natural Climate Change on April 25th. | ||
| See, an international team of 32 authors from 24 institutions in 8 countries led the effort, which involved using satellite data from NASA's Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectrometer. | ||
| Randall was right, I think. | ||
| But I think either way, we're fucked. | ||
| And then on top of that... | ||
| We'll all die in a very green planet. | ||
| How much... | ||
| If everything melts, if the polarized caps melt, can we live in South Dakota or some shit? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Can we make it in deep inside? | ||
| You know, I don't think so. | ||
| Like, you know, they want California to fall into the ocean, right? | ||
| You always hear that, Texas. | ||
| It's like, yeah, and the tidal wave will kill you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Tell everybody. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think that's safe because it would be such a drastic change. | ||
| I mean, right? | ||
| So much of the Earth's weather is controlled by the polarized caps, the magnetic poles, the rainfall, glaciers, and it's all interconnected. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's why the hurricanes are getting stronger, right? | ||
| Is that speculation? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| So if you lose, like the oceans control the Earth's climate because the war, you know, having to do with evaporation and so on. | ||
| By the way, for sure you shouldn't be getting weather information from you or me. | ||
| Listen, we got two expert scientists here. | ||
| We've been talking about this for minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
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And thinking about it for hours, all told, over our lives. | |
| But no, it's real, but it is something I think it's definitely younger people are going to be more interested because it could be a major thing. | ||
| Like if you're 30 now, when you're 60, this could be a real thing. | ||
| Real big issue. | ||
| It's a bad time to buy real estate in Miami. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| When is a good time to buy real estate in Miami? | ||
| When you got a lot of coke in your pocket? | ||
| And you're looking at a party? | ||
| You found out you have stage 4 cancer, but you do have a large bag of coke? | ||
| You know, I love that you mention that, because this has been a thing. | ||
| The weed industry being legal, right? | ||
| And they say there's all this money that people can't figure out what to do with, right? | ||
| Miami was built with cocaine money. | ||
| What happened to those money laundering guys who cleaned up all of that money, built all that real estate? | ||
| Like, where are they now? | ||
| It's a different era. | ||
| I can't believe that there's not people out there who can figure out how to clean this weed money and boost the economy. | ||
| They will be able to figure it out, but it's going to take a long time. | ||
| And the people that are trying to figure it out right now, like the weed dealers that are selling it legally, but then they have all the stockpiles of cash, they hire mercenaries. | ||
| They hire Blackwater guys and shit. | ||
| Fucking special ops guys to watch their money. | ||
| They really have to. | ||
| My old condo, I rented out, right? | ||
| So I was renting to a guy. | ||
| His business was, he handled the credit card transactions for the weed places, for the dispensaries and stuff, and the bank shut him down, and he didn't pay the rent. | ||
| And I was like, I got the only guy in the weed business who can't make money. | ||
| Like, I'm renting... | ||
| There's one guy in weed who can't... | ||
| I was like, listen man, I take cash, just pay the rent. | ||
| Like, how can you... | ||
| You're selling weed. | ||
| Everybody's buying it. | ||
| You're selling weed on credit cards and you can't pay your rent. | ||
| How did I end up with this guy? | ||
|
unidentified
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Loser. | |
| People are flying here to get some weed. | ||
| Yeah, they tour now. | ||
| They tour now. | ||
| And my guy, nothing. | ||
| You know who really took it on the fucking chin is Amsterdam. | ||
| Remember when people were talking about going to Amsterdam? | ||
| Let's go to Amsterdam and get high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can get high here, stupid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They still got hookers and windows, though. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They still got that. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But who's been there before a year? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| If you could just see the line of... | ||
| If you see a video montage of all the guys coming into this show, they're like... | ||
| Just over the last couple weeks. | ||
| Joe just ruined Amsterdam tourism. | ||
| The Amsterdam tourist board is like, why is he picking on us? | ||
| What did we do? | ||
| Well, they have good fights over there. | ||
| But they fucked up when they made mushrooms illegal. | ||
| They stopped people from selling mushrooms in the cafes. | ||
| Now, is that... | ||
| I don't understand why they would do that, because I was going to say it's something that they can't regulate. | ||
| No, it's dorks go over there and blow their brains out. | ||
| They eat too many mushrooms and freak out and try to jump in the river. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's dorks. | ||
| It's always dorks. | ||
| They ruin everything. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| It's weird to me because it's like, listen, if you can't get a handle on your drug tourism, just don't do it. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| It can be done correctly. | ||
| I think if you want to do drug tourism correctly, first of all, you need to check people, make sure they're okay, find out what kind of medication they are, and do a blood test on them. | ||
| Find out what kind of medication. | ||
| Oh, look, you're on SSRIs. | ||
| You didn't even tell us. | ||
| Hey, stupid, you're not supposed to take this stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| This is going to fuck you up. | ||
| Next, you know, and really, really test them. | ||
| Then, you know, find out about their psychological history and start them off with a nice light dose. | ||
| Today, today's Tuesday. | ||
| Today, we're going to give a nice light dose, like a half a gram. | ||
| We're just going to see how you react. | ||
| That would be it. | ||
| Just, you know, this is how much you get and see how you react. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then come back on Wednesday. | ||
| I want you to think about it for 24 hours. | ||
| Come back on Wednesday. | ||
| And Wednesday we're going to give you two grams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they got to cut you off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you come back on Saturday and you get that five gram dose of goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Just do it right with doctors nearby and IVs filled with vitamins. | ||
| I'm sure that's why they don't because who's going to pay for all of that part? | ||
| Dorks. | ||
| The same dorks. | ||
| I'm sure people would pay. | ||
| If you could save up your money and have a real safe mushroom trip, like a legit safe mushroom trip at a medical institution where they've got everything locked down and everybody's safe and the mushrooms are safe, yeah, people would pay a few hundred bucks for that. | ||
| Well, I haven't done mushrooms, but would that- Ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| You want to try? | ||
| No, thanks, man. | ||
| I'm retired, man. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| From everything? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about this. | ||
| When did you retire? | ||
| 88. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you know, I've been high enough that I don't feel like I'm missing anything. | ||
| So when you talk about it, it's like fascinating to me. | ||
| But then there's also that case of like now, like I don't want to be that high. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But again, I don't knock what anyone else does. | ||
| But this is what I wanted to ask you. | ||
| If you did it under those medically supervised conditions, would it still be as much fun? | ||
| Yeah, it's fun no matter what. | ||
| As long as they leave you alone while you're tripping. | ||
| As long as they don't bother you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like I say, I have no frame of reference to it, so I can't say that would not be cool. | ||
| Do you fuck with CBD at all? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's really good for you and it doesn't get you high. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| And I don't, again, I don't knock it. | ||
| I don't necessarily have a reason to fuck with CBD. I'm not in any kind of pain or anything like that. | ||
| But I don't knock it as a treatment. | ||
| I know it does work and there's benefits to it. | ||
| It's just not something that I need or that I do. | ||
| It's like the knees, right? | ||
| My knees are kind of trash, but... | ||
| When I work out and stretch and warm them up, it's not bad. | ||
| And I've talked to a doctor, and the doctor's like, yeah, eventually we're going to do a knee replacement, but you don't need it now. | ||
|
unidentified
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A knee replacement? | |
| What's going on with your knees? | ||
| Arthritis. | ||
| You don't have to do a knee replacement. | ||
| Stem cells. | ||
| Stem cells, which is something I may do. | ||
| My mom did it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I've heard you talk about it. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| As a matter of fact, I have a friend, and she's around 80, and she said, yeah, that's what they did for her knee. | ||
| They did stem cells. | ||
| My mom had her knees replaced before she passed away, and she said, yeah, that's one of the things you inherited from us, bad knees. | ||
| I was like, thank you. | ||
| But she also made me funny, so I couldn't really be mad at her. | ||
| I was like, all right, I'll take the funny and the bad knees. | ||
| The bad knees are workable. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| CBD, first of all, is going to help that because it reduces all the symptoms of arthritis. | ||
| Dave Foley, his hands were fucked up. | ||
| He had some severe arthritis in his hands. | ||
| CBD completely cured it. | ||
| He couldn't straighten his hands out. | ||
| His hands were always at a slight bend. | ||
| Now he's got a full range of motion in his hands. | ||
| He's blown away by it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My knee problem is impact. | ||
| You know, just basketball. | ||
| So even now, like I can't jump, you know, I can run, I can do something. | ||
| I did this CrossFit, I tried CrossFit, and my knee's full up, and I went to my doctor, and he's like, Cross, what the hell is wrong with you? | ||
| Jumping up on boxes? | ||
| My doctor's diagnosis for 90% of my problems, you're old. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| You gotta go to a different doctor, man. | ||
| You can fix a lot of those problems with stem cells. | ||
| A lot of those problems. | ||
| Yeah, it regenerates tissue, reduces inflammation. | ||
| It does a lot of amazing stuff. | ||
| Now, and I haven't researched this at all. | ||
| I mean, you know, I've heard stuff. | ||
| My stem cell knowledge is about equal to my climate change. | ||
| Well, mine is slightly better because I've actually had a bunch done on me. | ||
| Well, this is what I wanted to ask you about. | ||
| So I know when you talked about it early on, you went overseas, right? | ||
| No, I didn't have to. | ||
| No, you did get it done here. | ||
| So that was my question, because I've heard people talking about going to... | ||
| Panama. | ||
| Panama, Asia, etc. | ||
|
unidentified
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Dr. Reardon, you know, I don't think you want to go to Asia. | |
| I don't know what they're doing over there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But Dr. Reardon, who's the guy who treated Mel Gibson and Mel Gibson's dad, he actually treated my mom. | ||
| My mom was in risk of a knee replacement. | ||
| She's in pretty bad pain. | ||
| And the doctor's like, you got to get a knee replacement. | ||
| I'm like, okay, maybe you have to get a knee replacement. | ||
| I go, but before you do that, let's send you to Panama and they'll do this full three-day stem cell procedure. | ||
| They use IV stem cells. | ||
| They blast the area over three different days. | ||
| They hit it with stem cells. | ||
| And, you know, my mom is 73, so it was a while before it worked. | ||
| She, you know, for the first four months, she was a little discouraged. | ||
| She like, I don't feel anything different. | ||
| I don't know if this is working. | ||
| And then somewhere around five, six months, she started feeling a lack of pain. | ||
| And the pain just stopped being a part of her daily life. | ||
| And then now she could walk and it's not bothering her. | ||
| She goes, I'm walking with no pain. | ||
| I can walk up hills with no pain. | ||
| And she goes, I want to do it again. | ||
| So I was like, fuck it. | ||
| Let's send you down again. | ||
| So she's headed down again to get more of it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But you did it here. | ||
| Yeah, I did it here. | ||
| Well, I think... | ||
| Now, is there a difference? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They can go ham in Panama. | ||
| They go ham. | ||
| I mean, they just fucking fill you up. | ||
| They just bring a fucking bucket of stem cells. | ||
| Big ass needle. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| They don't have the same regulations that they do in America, so they can get away with a lot of different stuff. | ||
| And Dr. Reardon, who is one of the pioneers of this, and he's written multiple papers, and he has scientific journals all about the benefits of stem cells, and it's particularly effective on people with neurological conditions, people with neurodegenerative diseases and the like. | ||
| And he's written extensively about all that stuff. | ||
| But when he came on, I mean, he blew me away. | ||
| And I had already had some success with stem cells in America where, like, I had a full-length rotator cuff tear in my shoulder. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they injected it with exosomes, which is, like, the most... | ||
| Advanced form of stem cells. | ||
| The way they used to think is stem cells, they felt like when you put stem cells into an injury that the stem cells were re-proliferating this area with new tissue. | ||
| But now they think that the stem cells, and I'm sure I'm butchering this if you're a scientist, now I think they think that the stem cells are releasing exosomes and that the exosomes are actually what does it. | ||
| So now they just go straight to exosomes and then they Inject exosomes into these particular areas. | ||
| Now they have another product called Wharton's Jelly that's even more potent that I just got shot into me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anytime I get injured, man, I just fucking head on down. | ||
| I'm like, what's the purpose of having money if I'm not fucking shooting myself up with all these juicy stem cells? | ||
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
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But it works, man. | |
| I don't know if I got stem cell cash. | ||
| I probably do. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You do. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| Okay, so it's not that. | ||
| Yeah, you're a successful comedian with a fucking Amazon special. | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| Listen, I do all right. | ||
|
unidentified
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You do fine. | |
| I tell people, I do all right. | ||
| I don't make as much as they think, but I do all right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Because when people see you on something, they're like, oh, well, you got $10 million. | ||
| Like, no, I don't. | ||
| I'd like to, but I don't. | ||
| But yeah, so, okay. | ||
| Well, we'll talk about that. | ||
| Well, this Amazon special might push you to the top. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| You know, I mean, you know me. | ||
| I've been in the biz forever. | ||
| I love the biz. | ||
| I appreciate the love you give me on the podcast. | ||
| People always tell me when you or some get, oh yeah, man, they were talking about you. | ||
| And I appreciate that, right? | ||
| KRS-One said a long time ago, respect will outlast cash. | ||
| So I appreciate that. | ||
| I appreciate you too, man. | ||
| But, yeah, it'd be nice to have something blow up like that, right? | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| Because so many times it happens in careers. | ||
| Well, they're doing a lot of specials now. | ||
| They've got Gaffigan is doing Amazon. | ||
| Russell Peters is doing Amazon. | ||
| You, who else? | ||
| Someone else. | ||
| Jimmy O. Yang's got one coming up. | ||
| Does Fahim have an Amazon? | ||
| Fahim Anwar, does he have an Amazon? | ||
| But there's a lot of really funny people that are doing it. | ||
| And as long as they put the money into promotion and let people know... | ||
| I mean, they're doing great right now with Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. | ||
| They have a lot of new Amazon Prime series, like that Fleabag is supposed to be hilarious. | ||
| They have a lot of good series that they're promoting that people are really getting into. | ||
| And if you have Amazon Prime, like if you order shit with Amazon, you get free Amazon TV. People don't even know that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And it's good. | ||
| Amazon is... | ||
| Legit. | ||
| Good streaming. | ||
| Super legit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm rooting for them, 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's, you know, look, Netflix has almost, I mean, they've got the market kind of cornered until Amazon came along. | ||
| Because nobody wanted to do them on Comedy Central anymore. | ||
| Comedy Central's great. | ||
| It's better than no special, but it airs once. | ||
| That's the problem with Comedy Central. | ||
| It airs once. | ||
| Not in this day and age, man. | ||
| I think HBO is still the big one. | ||
| As far as television? | ||
| Yeah, as far as a TV one hour like HBO. But Showtime was good to me. | ||
| Showtime put on a couple of specials. | ||
| Well, Showtime made Sebastian. | ||
| Oh, big time. | ||
| Made Sebastian. | ||
| He just clicked with... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's funny how that happens because you really can't say why, you know, that certain ones do. | ||
| And that's no disrespect to Sebastian. | ||
| It's just, yeah, certain things take off and others don't. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| Well, I mean, it was really good. | ||
| Oh, yeah, no, like I say, no disrespect to him. | ||
| No, Sebastian, he's a great comic. | ||
| He's been around. | ||
| He's worked. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's not like he just fell out of the sky, got a special, and didn't have anything behind it. | ||
| No, the guy's a comic. | ||
| He's real. | ||
| But before him, who, well, you know who blew up on Showtime? | ||
| Gallagher. | ||
| He might be the last guy that blew up on Showtime before Sebastian, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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I mean, if you stop and think about it, who the fuck else? | |
| It's like Sebastian and Gallagher. | ||
| Those are the guys who blew up on Showtime. | ||
| Let me think. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Yeah, that's comedy-wise. | ||
| Dana Gould had a special on Showtime. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Well, they did. | ||
| Showtime did a few. | ||
| Like, Billy Gardell had the new comics thing he did. | ||
| He tried to break some new comics on that. | ||
| Oh, like a Rodney Dangerfield type deal? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But, yeah, you're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, again, that's where our business, like, this business is fickle, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| Because they're always trying to figure out, you know, why is this a viral video? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Like, man, that squirrel got more views. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| We spent $8 million producing this series and that squirrel got more views than we, you know, and it's like, why? | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| Yeah, if you're just trying to concentrate on making things viral, you will go fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you can't figure out, you know, why people connect to this one thing, even though others have done it or done something similar or whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Yeah, it's a tricky fucking business. | ||
| And then how about YouTube? | ||
| Like, Russell Peters blew up because of YouTube. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Worldwide. | ||
| Blew up. | ||
| And, you know, people, and it's funny, because people here, they don't realize how famous Russell is. | ||
| Well, it's great. | ||
| Because he's not that famous. | ||
| He's not as famous here. | ||
| No, he can hang out over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He can go places, and he lives here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's, like, got the best of both worlds. | ||
| Because that motherfucker sold out the O2 Arena two nights in a row. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's like 20,000 plus people. | ||
| You know who's like that? | ||
| Jimmy Carr. | ||
| You know Jimmy? | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Yeah, he's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, Jimmy's hilarious. | ||
| And like internationally, Jimmy is unbelievable. | ||
| But here, like they check his ID. Yeah. | ||
| You know, like he'd pull out the black card and they'd be like, let me see your ID. Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he does those roast shows over here and stuff along those lines. | ||
| But yeah, he doesn't have nearly... | ||
| But he's working here more often. | ||
| Yeah, he's developing. | ||
| I saw him in Montreal and he said, yeah, he's developing his audience in the States. | ||
| So now he's doing like small theaters here. | ||
| He says, obviously, if he goes anywhere where people from the UK are, like so when he's in a big city and there's a lot of Brits, then he can sell out. | ||
| Like New York or Boston or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, he's a great writer. | ||
| Oh man, that guy's funny. | ||
| Sharp. | ||
| Just, yeah. | ||
| And so, so British. | ||
| Like, so dry and completely inappropriate. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| You know, that's what I love about him. | ||
| We do, in Montreal, we do this benefit show for Hope and Cope. | ||
| And it's like a rehab medical facility. | ||
| You know, there's some cancer patients in there and people other. | ||
| And Jimmy just opens like, yeah, I gotta hurry up. | ||
| I don't have much time. | ||
| Well, I have time. | ||
| That was his opening joke. | ||
| And they loved it. | ||
| They just fell out. | ||
| He's like, any of you here last year? | ||
| No, probably not. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| How do you think at this point most comics go to Montreal to hang out with other comics? | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| We call it summer camp, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You see, you know, yeah, you see friends and like I see him there every summer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you see people who you just don't see or don't bump into, you know, regularly in your regular or whatever and you get to hang out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then there's always new people you meet. | ||
| Like this year I met Nick Kroll, who was cool. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| And, you know, because I like Big Mouth, his cartoon. | ||
| And Pete Holmes. | ||
| Pete Holmes was hilarious because he was doing this thing at the roast called Mean Pete. | ||
| So he was doing like a completely different character. | ||
| Because, you know, Pete Holmes is a nice guy. | ||
| And he was at the roast just destroying people. | ||
| And he just kept yelling, Mean Pete! | ||
| But yeah, so that kind of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun, man. | ||
| I haven't been in forever. | ||
| Well, that was the first time. | ||
| I don't know if you remember. | ||
| I definitely remember. | ||
| It was the first time you and me hung out. | ||
| When was this? | ||
| What year? | ||
|
unidentified
|
90s? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn, we're old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So... | ||
| It was 99. It was my second time in Montreal, right? | ||
| And I'm doing comedy, I don't know, about six years. | ||
| So I'm still, like, new. | ||
| But I knew you from Laugh Factory and from around town. | ||
| And you were hanging out with Kevin James. | ||
| And I think he had just got his show or had just finished his first year of his show or whatever. | ||
| And you were like, come on. | ||
| And I jump in a cab and we went around doing spots. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| And you'd already been on news radio. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Fuck, I'm hanging out with Joe and Kevin. | ||
| Like, we're doing spots. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, as a new comic, you're like, holy shit, this is the coolest shit. | ||
| Because I could get in, because I got out the cab with you two. | ||
| So they're like, yeah, yeah, you can do five. | ||
| So I still remember that. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| But that's what Montreal is. | ||
| So now I'm that guy right now. | ||
| I've been to Montreal so much, I got people calling me in LA asking me about Montreal. | ||
| They told us to call you. | ||
| I had Chris Spencer calling me to get spots on shows. | ||
| I was like, Chris, I don't book it. | ||
| He's like, yeah, but you know. | ||
| And then I was able to get him a spot, so I guess I do know. | ||
| I guess it works. | ||
| Yeah, but the problem is if it works once, then you're the guy they call. | ||
| Yeah, so if you're listening to this podcast, no, I can't help you. | ||
| Do they still have a bunch of different venues where you can drive around and get spots? | ||
| No, not as much. | ||
| Everything's booked now. | ||
| You know the big difference now? | ||
| There's a lot more TV. Remember back then, there were like two or three people had hours. | ||
| Now, there's like a whole series of one hours that they're taping. | ||
| Kevin Hart did the whole LOL thing there for a couple of years, so he was taping all of that. | ||
| So there's a lot more... | ||
| TV is more involved. | ||
| This year, there wasn't a whole lot of Netflix. | ||
| The last two years, there was a ton of Netflix, and Netflix was doing a bunch of half hours and stuff. | ||
| And they were filming them in Montreal? | ||
| Yeah, they were filming them at the festival. | ||
| That seems weird to me. | ||
| It seems like the festival is supposed to be fun. | ||
| It's not supposed to film a special. | ||
| I think it's still fun in that, like you said, you see other comics and you get to hang out, but... | ||
| There's not the development business that there used to be. | ||
| That's not there. | ||
| But the content business is there. | ||
| And they figure, like, we got all these comics in one place. | ||
| We'll set up cameras and we'll shoot. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| I think that's so... | ||
| There's still some shows where you could just jump on and it's friends of whoever. | ||
| And the midnight shows, they still do that. | ||
| They have a whole midnight surprise where you don't even know who's on the show. | ||
| And that day they call people like, hey, you want to do a spot? | ||
| And they still have the nasty show? | ||
| The Nasty show is still huge. | ||
| They do the ethnic show. | ||
| Now, remember there used to be... | ||
| That's what they call it? | ||
| Well, there used to be like the Wise Guys was the Italian show, right? | ||
| And then they had the Jewish show, and then they had the Uptown was a black show, and this and that. | ||
| Well, now they've combined all of that. | ||
| And they call it the ethnic show. | ||
| So there'll be just different comics on there from different ethnic groups. | ||
| I've hosted it a couple of times. | ||
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| Do they expect you to do ethnic material? | ||
| No. | ||
| Some people do some, some don't. | ||
| I think my favorite one, one year I was hosting it and Natterman was on it. | ||
| Dan Natterman. | ||
| You know Natterman. | ||
| Hilarious guy. | ||
| He was like, yeah, ethnic. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a Jewish comic from New York. | ||
| That's such a rare find. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ethnic is a weird word, too. | ||
| Isn't everybody ethnic? | ||
| Yeah, but it's their, you know, it's the right title for catch-all. | ||
| And also, the other big thing is, Canada, it's not as, they're not as hung up on it, right? | ||
| So you're not as worried about being politically correct or hurting someone's feel, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, they understand, yeah, this is a comedy festival, and people are going to say shit that is inappropriate, and being friends... | ||
| We make fun of each other, right? | ||
| So your ethnic group may come into it, but not from a point of racism or hatred or judgment. | ||
| It's fucking funny that we're the same or different in our ethnicity or in our background, and we joke about it. | ||
| Does comedy works exist anymore out there? | ||
| Went under, right? | ||
| Unfortunately, the works went under. | ||
| Didn't Jimbo take off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Vanish somewhere? | ||
| I don't know what happened to Jimbo. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not sure what happened to him. | ||
| Jimbo was great. | ||
| That club, that was the epitome of comedy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You go upstairs. | ||
| There's 150 people in a 120-seat room. | ||
| Is it even that many? | ||
| It was 120 seats and the fire marshal would have shut it down every night, right? | ||
| Because if there was a fire in Comedy Works, it would have been a horrible tragedy. | ||
| But the energy was, like, you get on that stage and just kill. | ||
| And, you know, it's like, yeah, we got the gala over here. | ||
| We got 3,000 seats in the most beautiful theater you can imagine. | ||
| But you really want to see, you really want to have fun. | ||
| Go upstairs to Comedy Works and sweat. | ||
| You're literally sweating for 15 minutes because there's no air conditioning. | ||
| It was terrible if it worked. | ||
| Heat rises, so we should put this place upstairs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, when they wanted to stay warm in the winter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they have like a little comedy scene, like a local scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they still have some places. | ||
| Like there was one I was working... | ||
| I can't remember the name of it, but it was the same kind of vibe. | ||
| It was like an upstairs bar that they converted for the festival. | ||
| They put in 100 chairs, and it was great. | ||
| And that's where they were doing Midnight Surprise. | ||
| So that venue is still really cool. | ||
| And then they have the Theater St. Catherine, which is like this small stage in a long room. | ||
| Yeah, I did that one more. | ||
| And that one still has... | ||
| So there are still... | ||
| Some places that have that funky comedy vibe. | ||
| But that Comedy Works room, is it still there? | ||
| Could somebody turn it into a- I don't know. | ||
| I have no idea if it's there or if it's been redeveloped, but yeah, Works was- That was the shit. | ||
| That was the great, that was the fun room. | ||
| That was where you ran your set before you do your gala or TV taping or whatever, and it would just- Yeah, it was crackling. | ||
| That was the first time I ever saw Lenny Schultz. | ||
| You ever see Crazy Lenny? | ||
| Do you know Crazy Lenny? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was a hilarious guy that was, right when I was coming up, he was just at the end of his run, the end of his career. | ||
| He's this wild, crazy old man who'd bring props on stage. | ||
| But it was like, his attitude was so fun, just a maniac. | ||
| Like, he would pull up a, you know, a Smokey the Bear doll. | ||
| And he was like, only you can prevent forest fires. | ||
| And he just yells, fuck you! | ||
| And he punches his bear in the face. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| And on paper, it sounds so stupid. | ||
| No, but I know what you mean. | ||
| You're fucking holding your body. | ||
| You couldn't even stop laughing. | ||
| My favorite random funny thing like that. | ||
| There's a guy still touring, as far as I know, in Canada called Mel Silverback. | ||
| Ever hear of Mel Silverback? | ||
| Mel Silverback. | ||
| Half Jew, half Silverback Mountain Gorilla. | ||
| And he would wear the tuxedo with the big ruffled shirt like the old Catskills comics. | ||
| And he wore gorilla hands and a gorilla head. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| And he would do these old Catskills style jokes. | ||
| With a gorilla mask on? | ||
| Oh man, Joe. | ||
| He auditioned for last comic when I was a judge. | ||
| We were falling out of here. | ||
| Jane Goodall, she's a whore. | ||
| You should have seen her with those chimps. | ||
| It was disgusting. | ||
| And apparently he's a thing in Canada, like he's a late night dirty comic towards Canada. | ||
| But it was the dumbest thing. | ||
| But to see it, I mean, we were pounding on the table. | ||
| We could not breathe because it was all old stuff. | ||
| Cheap one-liners like the Catskills and he had the suit and he was a gorilla and he would put it all in. | ||
| So it was all from a Silverback Mountain Gorilla point of view. | ||
| Like what's your point of view? | ||
| Silverback Mountain Gorilla is how I see the world. | ||
| But the good thing about that act, too, is he could die and somebody could just take his spot. | ||
| Yeah, somebody could take over. | ||
| And the thing was, we picked him for last comic, right? | ||
| But then this is where TV kills comedy. | ||
| So now he's on primetime NBC and he can't do that. | ||
| You can't say she's a whore. | ||
| Everything that made him funny was like, no, the censors won't allow it. | ||
| So now people are like, Why is he wearing gorilla hands? | ||
| Yeah, it just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So sad. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
TV just rips the guts out of comedy again. | |
| Let me see what makes you funny. | ||
| Okay, let's not do that. | ||
| Do you remember Gallagher 2? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember his brother? | ||
| You couldn't afford Gallagher. | ||
| Yeah, he was doing, like, Gallagher was doing giant theaters, and Gallagher 2, his brother, was doing, like, little comedy clubs. | ||
| Like, he, I would see it, like, in places that I was working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, when I was coming up, it would be like, oh, and then next weekend it's Gallagher 2. I'm like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's Gallagher do? | |
| And didn't they get into a fight, like a legal fight over ownership of... | ||
| Because Gallagher wanted to come back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, Gallagher apparently, like, temporarily retired, and he sold his act to his brother, Gallagher II. And his brother looked... | ||
| His brother looked a lot like him. | ||
| And he had, you know, he just basically, he picked up like a job. | ||
| It's like having an affiliate or like a, you know, like a... | ||
| Like syndication. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You syndicated the act. | ||
| Yeah, you just, you know, if you want to buy a 7-Eleven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, it's like the Blue Man Group. | ||
| Like there's different Blue Man Groups around the country. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| But there's no like... | ||
| It was a blue man. | ||
| If it was just one blue man, maybe that would be... | ||
| So Gallagher's brother took all the jokes and the props and started buying watermelons and sledgehammers and just toured the country. | ||
| I would love to be in court when they had that fight. | ||
| Like, Your Honor, here's how I smash a watermelon. | ||
| And here's my brother. | ||
| Here's how I smash a watermelon. | ||
| Like, how do you decide? | ||
| I think it was just a matter of whether or not he could continue to do the act. | ||
| But, I mean, is it his last name, Gallagher? | ||
| Is it a real name? | ||
| So it is. | ||
| Leo was the original, and Ron is the brother. | ||
| And they're both named Gallagher, right? | ||
| It's like if a girl breaks up with you and you fuck her slightly less good-looking sister. | ||
| It's like, hmm. | ||
| I don't know if this is right. | ||
| Not quite. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's, I think, right here is the OG. That's the original. | ||
| That's the original? | ||
| This picture here would be the brother. | ||
| Is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I picked up this as a... | ||
| Wow, that is... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't want to be that judge because that... | ||
| The Ballad of Ron Gallagher? | ||
| Blogfoot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone must have wrote the story about it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| It was close enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you would kind of feel like it was Gallagher. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| And so then after a while, I think Gallagher got tired of being retired, and he said, I'm coming back. | ||
| And his brother's like, well, I'm fucking going to continue doing this act. | ||
| He's like, no, you're not, bitch. | ||
| You're going to have to find a new way to make a living. | ||
| But I bought it from you, right? | ||
| So I own it now. | ||
| Like, you being in your probably 40s, and your brother, who's like of a similar age, just picks up comedy and just starts doing your routine. | ||
| Like, 100%. | ||
| You know, he calls himself Alonzo, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, Charlie Murphy could have done that, right? | ||
| He sounded enough like Eddie that he could have. | ||
| I mean, no, he wouldn't. | ||
| But what I'm saying is he could have done it piggybacked Eddie. | ||
| That's such a different way of talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, his way of talking was so much more aggressive and raspy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I miss that dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a good fucking time with him, man. | ||
| We did a whole tour of the country for 30 days. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Me, him, and Hefron. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| We did this Maxim Bud Light tour. | ||
| You remember what those, the real men of Bud Light, where they would sing? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Real American heroes. | ||
| Yeah, I remember those commercials, yeah. | ||
| The guy who sang was the lead singer of Survivor, the Eye of the Tiger guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we were on tour with those guys. | ||
| So those guys would sing songs, and they had little punchlines they would do with the songs, and they would have a local guy, which is actually how I met Tom Segura. | ||
| I met Tom Segura because we were doing the Hollywood Theater or Celebrity Theater, whatever it is, in Phoenix. | ||
| And Segura was the opening act, the local opening act. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think he did like five or ten minutes and he was hilarious. | ||
| That's why I became buddies with him and started taking him on the road with me. | ||
| But then, you know, there would be the real American hero guys and then it would be Hefron and then Charlie and me. | ||
| And we did 22 dates over a month. | ||
| We had a great fucking time. | ||
| I only met him once, but he was real cool. | ||
| I met him in Vegas. | ||
| It was the Dirty at 12.30. | ||
| We were doing the Dirty, and he came by, and we just hung out backstage and met him for a minute. | ||
| But yeah, he seemed cool. | ||
| Couldn't be cool. | ||
| That was maybe a year, maybe two years at most, before he passed away. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| He did my podcast in the early, early, early days. | ||
| We always talked about doing it again, but he never did it again. | ||
| But he had some great fucking stories about Mike Tyson, about visiting Mike Tyson. | ||
| And Mike Tyson was outside with a tiger and nobody wanted to get out of the limo. | ||
| Well, you know, the tragic thing about comics, right, is when a comic dies, his act dies with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, whereas singers, somebody else will sing the songs of it, but when a comic goes, so when you have some, like Patrice, you know, like, that's all gone. | ||
| Like, you know, and so many comics, like, yeah, when they're gone... | ||
| That act is gone. | ||
| And you remember it, and it was hilarious, but nobody can do their act after that. | ||
| I think there was a guy that was doing a Bill Hicks tribute show, and he was doing Bill Hicks with all Bill Hicks material, and he dressed like him and acted like him. | ||
| It died that day. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| I think they were trying to do that, almost like someone trying to be like Mark Twain. | ||
| Like you could do a Samuel Clemens one-man show and read the works of Mark Twain with a goofy mustache on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, it's like in Vegas, the Rat Pack. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They can do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it doesn't work with comedy. | ||
| You could do the Rat Pack. | ||
| You can't do Don Rickles. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| Vegas is a weird place for fucking impersonators, right? | ||
| That impersonator life, I can't imagine it because some of them are so deep into it. | ||
| I do these jazz cruises and they do other cruises. | ||
| So they had an 80s cruise. | ||
| And we had a Michael Jackson impersonator. | ||
| And this guy stayed in character for the whole cruise to where you want to say like, yo man, you know you're not Michael Jackson. | ||
| I mean, he was like getting off the ship in port. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like when you go to the shops or have lunch. | ||
| Michael Jackson. | ||
| Full outfit? | ||
| Outfit. | ||
| Glove? | ||
| Yeah, the hair, the makeup. | ||
| Yeah, it was weird. | ||
| And, you know, it's kind of a strange talent, right, to be like, yeah, I'm this person. | ||
| So what if that person didn't exist? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| What's your thing, you know? | ||
| And I heard the Prince guy is like that. | ||
| I don't know, but I've heard that there's a Prince guy... | ||
| guys had surgery to look like michael jackson what do you got jammy well first google images just changed it and my mic is fucked up so this stuff looks weird now but uh i found something a show that was done about 10 years ago where a guy did a show called bill hicks slight return where he did a show as if bill hicks was still here 10 years after his death oh with like new material Yeah. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with that. | ||
| That's even worse. | ||
| That's disgusting. | ||
| That's even worse. | ||
| I'm going to project what Bill Hicks would have thought of today's world. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was in London. | ||
| It wasn't even here. | ||
| Oh, fucking London. | ||
| Settle down, London. | ||
| Stop trying. | ||
| That's what they need to get. | ||
| Alex Jones to be Bill Hicks. | ||
| Just give him a little more hair. | ||
| I think that's the closest thing I could find that we were talking about. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's been a couple shows. | |
| Okay, maybe I read it wrong. | ||
| Because I could have swore there was a guy who was doing Bill Hicks material. | ||
| He was doing it again. | ||
| What is that Bill Hicks dark poet? | ||
| Is that actually Hicks? | ||
| In the lower right-hand side, the blue one? | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Bang. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's not Hicks. | ||
| That's the guy that pretended to be Hicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's the guy. | |
| That's the same show I was telling you about. | ||
| Barf. | ||
| This show picks our life as a ride, but this show is a bumpy journey. | ||
| That show's death. | ||
| Oh yeah, no, this is a different guy even. | ||
| He did a show called Dark Poet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All of them. | |
| Stop. | ||
| Look, the way they dress, everything. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| You're not from Texas. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go home. | |
| Go home, you fuck. | ||
| Write your own act. | ||
| That's the thing about comedy. | ||
| I'm going to go to Edinburgh and pretend to be Bill Hicks and hope nobody here has ever actually seen him. | ||
| Get some surgery. | ||
| Look like Hicks. | ||
| The Michael Jackson people, you've got to get fucked up surgery. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not regular surgery. | ||
| You've got to get the fucked up chin thing. | ||
| It's the weirdest. | ||
| Again, like you say, to be an impersonator. | ||
| And now I guess Queen is big. | ||
| As they make these movies, right? | ||
| So now people are going to want to be that. | ||
| They want overbites. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to get an overbite. | ||
| Get some buck teeth. | ||
| Can you mess up these teeth? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They probably have to wear fake teeth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had some crazy ass teeth. | ||
| What a talent that guy had. | ||
| But he said it helped his voice. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's what he said, you know, in the movie that he said he could sing at that range because of his shape of his mouth, which may be true. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how it... | ||
| How does he know? | ||
| He's never had a different shaped mouth. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, whatever it was, it worked. | ||
| He's making lemonade. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| Like that talent, you know, that... | ||
| Who's like that now? | ||
| Are there bands like that now? | ||
| Because Queen kept... | ||
| Every song was different. | ||
| You knew it was Queen, but it was completely different than the last hit that they did. | ||
| That's what was crazy about it. | ||
| I think those bands that grew up with no internet, they will forever be unique. | ||
| Because it was a different world. | ||
| And the kind of creativity that it took to become those bands. | ||
| Like, the kind of creativity that it takes to become The Who. | ||
| Today, the world is like a different place. | ||
| They develop touring, like the Beatles. | ||
| They develop touring and performing constantly and writing. | ||
| Sure, they were influenced by other bands, but not nearly to the extent that people are today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also, there's kind of a conformity today to the marketing. | ||
| Like, we want you to be this so we can sell it, you know? | ||
| I was playing Earth, Wind& Fire for somebody, and it was one of their instrumentals. | ||
| And I told them, I said, well, you know, Earth, Wind& Fire would also play jazz with Ramsey Lewis. | ||
| Like, they were the same musicians. | ||
| And they were like, oh! | ||
| Because I saw them once, and they were doing this whole jazz thing, and I wondered what it was. | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| Yeah, they were actual musicians. | ||
| And a band like Earth, can you imagine showing up now with a band like, yeah, there's 27 of us. | ||
| We got a horn section in addition to that. | ||
| They'd be like, what? | ||
| No! | ||
| Like, we're not paying for actual musicians. | ||
| Like, those bands had horn sections and rhythm sections. | ||
| It was a lot of people. | ||
| How did they make money? | ||
| Well... | ||
| They charge a lot for tickets. | ||
| They have to. | ||
| Well, you know what else? | ||
| 27 people on the stage. | ||
| Records. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Records were real. | ||
| Records. | ||
| So record sales, like when you sold a million records, you made a lot of money from selling a million records. | ||
| And then you had, you know, those bands, like I did one of these 80s things with War. | ||
| And the number blew my mind, but then I realized that War sold over 50 million records. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But then when you think about it, yeah, they had a hit every summer. | ||
| For like six, seven years, right? | ||
| Like, Why Can't We Be Friends, The Lowrider, On It. | ||
| They had a whole list of hits. | ||
| Like, every one of the songs would start playing. | ||
| Like, oh yeah, I know this song. | ||
| I know this song. | ||
| 50 million records. | ||
| And how much do you think each record cost? | ||
| 10 bucks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What more records? | ||
| 9.99 or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| So that's 500 million. | ||
| Yeah, and they probably got, they had to get what, at least a buck or two bucks off of each one after everybody else took their cut. | ||
| Yeah, and then all the touring money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was talking to someone who's in a band now, and they were explaining to me that these record companies, they don't just take your record sales anymore, like iTunes sales. | ||
| They now take merchandise. | ||
| They take touring money. | ||
| When you sign, you sign to an all-exclusive deal, because the record companies can't really justify their existence anymore, because they can't really sell records. | ||
| Yeah, because all the musicians I know say the only time they sell CDs or records or whatever is at the live show. | ||
| They have to go out and sell. | ||
| They're like us now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They got to go out and do merch. | ||
| They didn't have to do that before. | ||
| It was like, yeah. | ||
| But imagine buying a CD now. | ||
| Who's buying a CD? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You look at it. | ||
| What am I going to do with this thing? | ||
| I don't even have a slot for it. | ||
| Well, yeah, that's what people say when they buy them after shows. | ||
| They're like, you know, and I joke about it because I have CDs and download cards. | ||
| You sell CDs still? | ||
| It's generational. | ||
| It is literally the line is right at about the age 40. If they're older, they want a CD, right? | ||
| And I said, you know, so if you try to sell them a download card, they're like, what? | ||
| I'm not paying you for a business card. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Right? | ||
| But then if you get a younger person and you try to sell them a CD, where am I going to play this? | ||
| My grandfather's house? | ||
| My computers don't even come with a drive anymore, like a disk drive. | ||
| But records. | ||
| People like records now. | ||
| People want to buy vinyl. | ||
| Why don't you sell vinyl? | ||
| Because that's a small percentage that want to buy vinyl. | ||
| But I think your crowd, like you're into jazz and shit? | ||
| Nah, they're buying... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Jazz fans still have CD players. | ||
| Like, they made the switch from records to CDs, and they're like, that's it. | ||
| I'm not going back. | ||
| I'm not getting the records out of the garage. | ||
| So there's not a record industry for jazz? | ||
| Some, but it's for the... | ||
| Yeah, there's some, but it's not big. | ||
| Blue Note Jazz Label is doing records again for their artists, but they're selling to the younger people, not the older people. | ||
| Older people aren't buying turntables, new turntables to play it. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| You know. | ||
| Where is a good jazz place in L.A.? | ||
| Like, if I wanted to go see jazz. | ||
| Man, you know, the crazy thing about L.A. is all the jazz musicians live here and they all say, well, we don't play here. | ||
| There's no money to be made. | ||
| So there's… So why do they live here? | ||
| Because it's L.A. They record here, you know. | ||
| I'm trying to remember the name of it on Sunset. | ||
| Catalina Bar and Grill on Sunset is good. | ||
| And Vibrato on Beverly Glen is good. | ||
| Vibrato is owned by Herb Alpert. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So is this something like you'll go out on a Wednesday night or something like that? | ||
| You'll go see some jazz? | ||
| No, I do more... | ||
| I love going to festivals. | ||
| Yeah, I love going to jazz festivals. | ||
| I'm guilty of that. | ||
| I'll go to a jazz club in New York more so than I would in L.A. Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because it's more the vibe. | ||
| The vibe in New York, it just fits. | ||
| That's where they come from, and that's where they jam. | ||
| But I've been to a few times. | ||
| I'll go, definitely if I know somebody who's playing there, I'll go see them at Catalina. | ||
| I've never experienced good jazz. | ||
| I'm sure it's real. | ||
| I know you're not dumb. | ||
| Man, this... | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| This is Catalina, but Dick Van Dyke performs there kind of frequently. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He performs jazz? | ||
| That's the only reason I know of it, because it's on Sunset in Hollywood. | ||
| Oh, there he is. | ||
| Dick Van Dyke pops up there. | ||
| Is he doing stand-up? | ||
| No, he does jazz. | ||
| He sings. | ||
| What? | ||
| See, but this is the thing, and this is the thing about jazz. | ||
| So you see that. | ||
| Now, call up a guy, look up... | ||
| Hold on, I want to hear some of this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Before I swing... | |
| Oh, here it goes... | ||
| Does he have a cigarette? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, stop this immediately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's old... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Acoustic jazz. | ||
| But that's the jazz that keeps people from listening to jazz. | ||
| You know, that's the jazz people are like, oh, never mind. | ||
| You look up a guy like Robert Glasper, who's just this brilliant young keyboard player, and he has two bands. | ||
| He has the Robert Glasper Trio, which is just a jazz trio, piano, bass, and drums, which are brilliant. | ||
| Then he's got the Robert Glasper Experience, which is his electronic keyboard. | ||
| Electric band. | ||
| And he'll have everyone singing on that from like Layla Hathaway, Donny Hathaway's daughter, who's a brilliant vocalist, to Lupe Fiasco, you know, to Mos Def. | ||
| They all perform together. | ||
| He hangs out with the Roots. | ||
| The Roots have a jam session in New York that all these jazz artists come to. | ||
| So that's what's going on. | ||
| That I love. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| I mean, jazz has always been the most creative music, you know? | ||
| It's just... | ||
| And that's why I love it. | ||
| These guys are... | ||
| They're masters of their instruments, and it's all about creativity. | ||
| And, you know, even when they do covers... | ||
| It's great because they do it in such a different way. | ||
| Robert Glasper experienced the first time I heard him, they did Smells Like Teen Spirit. | ||
| And I was like, thank you. | ||
| He can look up anything. | ||
| So that's the kind of thing in jazz. | ||
| My buddy Marcus Miller, who's this brilliant bass player, He was Luther Vandross' musical director, and he did all the music for Luther, right? | ||
| And that was all great. | ||
| But he also produced music for Miles Davis, you know? | ||
| And he's done stuff, again, with anybody from, like, you know, Bill Withers to classic... | ||
| Old school jazz artists. | ||
| So yeah, jazz covers a wide range. | ||
| And that's what I love about it. | ||
| But there's a lot of young jazz artists now who are bringing in hip-hop and different genres into jazz that are making it really cool. | ||
| International stuff. | ||
| A lot of African sound coming in. | ||
| Brazilian sound coming in. | ||
| And these are the guys, Terrace Martin, who's in a group called R&R Equals Now with Glasper. | ||
| Terrace Martin does all of Kendrick Lamar's music. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So it's crossover. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, yeah. | ||
| I'll go with Kendrick Lamar, and I need to make $5 million, so I'm going to do this music. | ||
| But when I can just create and play and have fun and just be a musician, then I go to my jazz roots, and I jam with these guys in a whole different vibe. | ||
| Here's right here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This sounds like Conspirate jazz version. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What is going on with his head? | ||
| What is up there? | ||
| Is that hair? | ||
| Is it a hat? | ||
| I can't help you with that. | ||
| That red stripe? | ||
| I got nothing. | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| Nah, it's a hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that a hat? | |
| It's a hat, yeah. | ||
| That can't be his hair. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So he's using a vocoder so as he sings it comes through the instrument. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| These guys gotta be high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No way around it. | ||
| Well, that part of jazz never changed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Miles Davis has always been fascinating to me. | ||
| All the people in musical history, he's always been this one dude where I was like, I would have loved to have met that guy. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| He's so fucking intense. | ||
| Marcus, you know, played in his band and knew him. | ||
| I would have loved to have seen him, just to see him live, because, you know, he did a record called Kinda Blue, which is the biggest selling jazz record ever. | ||
| He did it in 59. It still sells thousands of copies a week. | ||
| Like, it's still a big, you know, Kinda Blue is the standard. | ||
| But he also played covers of, like, Human Nature and Time After Time. | ||
| Like, in the 80s, he was doing covers of that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So, again, that was the thing about a jazz artist. | ||
| He was like, yeah, well, it's good music, so I'm going to play it. | ||
| I don't care if it was written by Cyndi Lauper or Duke Ellington. | ||
| If it's good music, I'm going to play it. | ||
| And that's what's so cool about it. | ||
| But yeah, so those are places. | ||
| But when you go to the jazz festivals, whether it be the Playboy Jazz Festival, Newport Jazz Festival, just like our comedy festivals where you get a bunch of musicians who are like, yeah, we're all here together. | ||
| Let's jam. | ||
| Let's play something. | ||
| And sometimes the best music will be It's random, not part of the set, but like, oh man, remember when we played together in, you know, 97 in Montreux? | ||
| Yeah, let's come on stage and we'll play. | ||
| And then you hear something that, again, just like in comedy, when some comics just improv-ing, or, you know, they're doing the same thing. | ||
| They're improv-ing. | ||
| To me, the big compliment I get from jazz musicians is when they compliment me on my improv, right? | ||
| You know, because it's like, yeah, you guys are the experts. | ||
| You need, like, improv is you guys created it. | ||
| So if I'm doing something and you think it's cool, Craig Robinson, you know Craig. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He's a, talk about both sides. | ||
| Like, he's got the comedy and music thing, and he's respected on both. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He's like, the musicians love him and comics love him, and he's, Yeah, Craig. | ||
| In Montreal, Craig did a big outdoor show. | ||
| It was like a block party. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The giant outdoor stage. | ||
| Yeah, Craig played it. | ||
| And it was hilarious because he's doing his act, right? | ||
| So it's a big outdoor thing and families with their kids and he's singing Take Your Panties Off. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, so this I guess is the uncensored Craig. | ||
| But it was hilarious, you know? | ||
| Very cool. | ||
| I saw Dizzy Gillespie once when I was a kid. | ||
| When I was in... | ||
| God, I had to be like second or third grade. | ||
| I was living in San Francisco. | ||
| We had a field trip. | ||
| Went to see Dizzy Gillespie live. | ||
| And I'll never forget it. | ||
| Like, you know, his cheeks would blow up like a bullfrog. | ||
| But that's not even the way you're supposed to play the trumpet. | ||
| Right, and that's what's so great about it. | ||
| Because nobody taught him the right way to play it, so he just played it. | ||
| Most people don't even know who Dizzy Gillespie is, but if you see him live, you never forget like that. | ||
| Like, what in the fuck? | ||
| Like, you see his face blow up, you're like, how? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| How are you doing that? | ||
| How is that real? | ||
| But you're supposed to keep your cheeks tight, like the way they would teach you. | ||
| They would never teach you to do that. | ||
| And you probably couldn't. | ||
| I know I couldn't. | ||
| You know, he just had a way of doing it. | ||
| I wonder what year he died. | ||
| Don't know. | ||
| But I was a little kid when I saw him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He died in 93. 93. In New Jersey. | |
| Damn. | ||
| I... I met Arturo Sandoval. | ||
| And they did a movie about him. | ||
| Andy Garcia did a movie about him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's this Cuban trumpet player. | ||
| And I want to say it was, he was telling the story, and I want to say it was Dizzy Gillespie, who was in Cuba, and Arturo was, like, driving him around, right? | ||
| This is, like, in, I guess it would be in the late 50s, maybe early 60s. | ||
| And he asked Arturo what he does, and he's like, Arturo's like, oh, I play the trumpet. | ||
| But the Cubans were like, oh, yeah, that's Arturo. | ||
| Like, all the Cubans knew who he was. | ||
| So he played, and Dizzy Gillespie and the head, I want to say it was Dizzy. | ||
| I might be wrong, but they went to the U.S. State Department, the head of CBS Records, and said, we have to get him in the United States. | ||
| Like, he has to be here. | ||
| And they did it. | ||
| The State Department got an arturo. | ||
| Now, imagine this, Joe. | ||
| How'd they get him? | ||
| They went to the State Department. | ||
| It was an artist thing. | ||
| They said, we want this guy to come to the U.S. How'd they sneak him out of Cuba? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How'd they sneak him out of Cuba? | |
| I have no idea. | ||
| But no, they didn't sneak him out. | ||
| It was a state-sponsored thing. | ||
| So he came over here to perform and then went back? | ||
| No. | ||
| He came over and stayed. | ||
| But this was the crazy part. | ||
| This is the part I can't imagine. | ||
| So he flies from Cuba into LaGuardia Airport. | ||
| And they take him straight to Carnegie Hall for soundcheck. | ||
| And he plays Carnegie Hall that night. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine? | ||
| Like, imagine your first gig, right? | ||
| Like, somebody saw you, you know, I don't know. | ||
| Rodney Dangerfield saw you at a club in Boston. | ||
| And he was like, okay, Joe. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's a crazy story, but to this day, but Arturo is like, when he plays the trumpet, you know it's him. | ||
| Like, he hits notes on the trumpet like only dogs can hear. | ||
| Like, he's famous for the super high notes and stuff like that. | ||
| But yeah, that's... | ||
| That's what I love about it. | ||
| So I love the creativity. | ||
| And then, you know, Marcus was telling me, because he's from New York, from Queens, 70s, 80s guy. | ||
| He said, well, you know what happened with hip-hop? | ||
| He said, one of the things was they took music out of the schools, right? | ||
| They didn't, you know, they don't teach. | ||
| You can't take an instrument anymore. | ||
| They were like, it's out of the budget, blah, blah. | ||
| He said, well, you can't stop people from creating. | ||
| So these guys, they didn't have musical instruments, but they had records. | ||
| So they just started making music with their records. | ||
| They just started mixing the records and coming up with new sounds. | ||
| And it was like, yeah, that kind of makes sense. | ||
| If you're musical and nobody teaches you to play an instrument, but you have these records, you're like, all right, well, what if I played this and this at the same time? | ||
| And then the next thing you know, they made that hip-hop, which that hip-hop caught on. | ||
| Yeah, that never existed before, right? | ||
| The idea of mixing two different records together until hip-hop came around. | ||
| No one ever did that with rock and roll, did they? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| And then hip-hop mixed in rock and roll, right? | ||
| Run DMC with Aerosmith, Walk This Way. | ||
| That blew people's minds. | ||
| People didn't know what to do. | ||
| That was like, wait a minute, that's black and white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can't play together. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And Adidas was like, yes they can. | ||
| And they're wearing Adidas while they do it. | ||
| Did you ever listen to any of the brand new heavies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They did hip hop with the brand new heavies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a heavy rhyme experience. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| It's to this day one of my favorite old school, like 1990s style rap slash... | ||
| Yeah, the brand new heavies were great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| And then you had Living Color, who I still love. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I forgot about that. | ||
| Living Color. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cult of Personality. | |
| Yeah, that was a great... | ||
| And you talk about being ahead of their time. | ||
| Like, think about that song, Cult of Personality, today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| That's the CM Punk walkout music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was another band where they were like, okay, let me get this straight. | ||
| This is a heavy... | ||
| Like a heavy metal rock and roll band of black guys who are sampling Public Enemy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's some weird... | ||
| There he is. | ||
| He had the crazy hair with the shaved sides. | ||
| Yeah, and he would wear the wetsuits all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wetsuits? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a scuba suit? | ||
| Scuba suits, yeah. | ||
| He used to jam in those. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, that seems like he would get sweaty as fuck. | |
| That is what he's wearing. | ||
| He probably just wanted to show his dick off. | ||
| Hey, you're a rock star. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| You ever see those Robert Plant... | ||
| He had these tight pants on. | ||
| You see his hog... | ||
| He's wearing a suit. | ||
| He's wearing a wetsuit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He really is. | |
| Wearing a goddamn spandex wetsuit. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| They fucking vanished. | ||
| What happened to them? | ||
| They came back out. | ||
| They did the 25th anniversary. | ||
| I saw it at Hard Rock. | ||
| They did the 25th anniversary of their record, Vivid Cult of Personality, yeah, and they toured it. | ||
| Look at that silly swimsuit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great fucking song. | ||
| But, you know, that's always freaked me out, too. | ||
| Like, imagine being a band, you have one song that just... | ||
| Out of the park. | ||
| Crack! | ||
| Just in the parking lot. | ||
| You know, just one fucking Grand Slam home run. | ||
| Goddamn, we did it. | ||
| This is huge. | ||
| Number one song in the nation. | ||
| Seven weeks in a row. | ||
| And nothing. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| But imagine, well, what they say, you got your whole life to write that song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we got two years to write the night, write it, do it again. | ||
| But there's also some bands, they just catch fire with, like, do you remember Warrant, Cherry Pie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's my Cherry Pie. | ||
| Giant fucking huge song. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| That dude died near here. | ||
| He died in Woodland Hills in a fucking shitty hotel somewhere. | ||
| I'm going to give you the one hit wonder you wanted. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The twist. | ||
| The twist. | ||
| What did Chubby Checker ever sing? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| You had the song. | ||
| That was like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was the shit. | ||
| What's Chubby Checker's number two hit? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| But that somehow or another was good enough for him to stay famous. | ||
| For his whole life. | ||
| Your whole life. | ||
| People hire you to play one song. | ||
| He was the greatest one-hit wonder ever then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the GOAT. He's the GOAT of one-hit wonders. | |
| I can't even imagine anyone who's come close to that. | ||
| Because no one's paying them to sing Cult of Personality. | ||
| No. | ||
| No one's all excited. | ||
| No. | ||
| You might have one fan who's worth millions who pays you to come to his birthday party. | ||
| He treats you like shit. | ||
| I'll give you an extra million if I can pee on you. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| And then Living Color, the TV show in Living Color, came out. | ||
| And then it was like, wait, what? | ||
| How are you doing that? | ||
| There's already a band. | ||
| That's not us. | ||
| The show... | ||
| Far Eclipse the Band. | ||
| Far Eclipse the Band. | ||
| And then they were like, were you named after the show? | ||
| Like, what's his name? | ||
| Darius Rucker. | ||
| How many times has he said, my name is not Hootie? | ||
| Well, Hootie's back, apparently. | ||
| Because Darius Rucker went off and did country music and did that for a long time. | ||
| But now Hootie's back on tour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are they? | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That was another band. | ||
| That band was fucking huge. | ||
| That first record, the second record fell up. | ||
| That first record was... | ||
| I think it was serious or something, but they played it, and then I went back and played it again. | ||
| It was like, wow, I forgot how good this was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| That album is... | ||
| But the second one wasn't good? | ||
| Not as good, I don't think. | ||
| That was one of those albums, though, there's something about Hootie where some people despised them, and it didn't make any sense to me. | ||
| It's like some people just heard those songs too many times, it was too big of a hit, and they were like, oh, fucking Hootie. | ||
| That does happen, though. | ||
| Like Dave Matthews. | ||
| Yeah, when something's too much of a hit and you hear it every day, you get tired of the song, and then you just don't play that. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| A buddy of mine, actually, Mal Hall, he's going to love this shout-out. | ||
| So, Mal Hall opens for me. | ||
| Really funny guy. | ||
| And he tours with Angela Johnson. | ||
| He hates Happy. | ||
| That song, I'm Happy, by Pharrell. | ||
| I insist on it being his walk on music whenever we work. | ||
| Because he gets angry? | ||
| Oh, he physically... | ||
| He has a physical reaction. | ||
| Because how much did we hear that song when it came out? | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Drilled it, so yeah, so now he knows. | ||
| Some people, it's good for them to get angry before they go on stage. | ||
| Joey Diaz, whenever I'd work with him, he would just decide, he would pick a thing, and it wasn't like we would talk about this, but I recognized what he was doing after a while. | ||
| And he'd be backstage, and he would pick a thing, and just start getting fucking mad at it. | ||
|
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And these fucking pussies, this is what they think America is, this is what they think the fucking world is! | |
| And he would start getting crazy, and then, ladies and gentlemen, Joey Diaz! | ||
| And he would go on stage with that momentum, and just mad. | ||
| Mark the place. | ||
| I've had that happen a couple of times where something just got... | ||
| I remember, and it was one of those, you know when you do the set, you wish you had recorded it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I was going to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| It's Saturday night. | ||
| I was on my bike. | ||
| And this guy, like, it's stop and go, right? | ||
| And I'm just, and he hit my bike, but it was only at, like, five miles an hour, like, he just tapped me and knocked the bike over, but I'm like, I was bright, like, how did you not see me, right? | ||
| And I just went on stage, and I just ranted about, you know, drivers and traffic and this, and it was hilarious, and it was, like, gone. | ||
| Did you record it? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
|
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You never record your sets? | |
| I do sometimes, but I didn't record that one. | ||
| Because it was just, you know, sometimes you just get, something gets to you right before you go on stage and it's not written. | ||
| You just go into a rant, but it's right there. | ||
| But that's why it's so important to record everything. | ||
| I record all of them. | ||
| I have them all on my phone. | ||
| It's so easy now. | ||
| Yeah, now. | ||
| This was before phones. | ||
| This was before we carried a studio in our pocket. | ||
| Oh, this was a while ago. | ||
| These fucking things, these are all sets. | ||
| This is when you had the microcassette recorders. | ||
| I still have a bunch of those tapes. | ||
| I used to have them. | ||
| I threw them out. | ||
| I don't even want to hear them. | ||
| I used to have a little tiny mini cassette recorder, a mini disc recorder. | ||
| Yeah, I remember the mini disc. | ||
| That was when Sony kept trying formats like, maybe they'll buy this. | ||
| So yeah, mini disc. | ||
| Once they fucked them with Betamax, you sons of bitches. | ||
| Did anyone but comics buy mini-discs? | ||
| I set up a mini-disc recorder at the comedy store. | ||
| I actually installed one. | ||
| I installed a mini-disc recorder at the comedy store so I could record my sets. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, comics, we used them. | ||
| I don't know if anyone else did. | ||
| I mean, it just didn't work. | ||
| They really never sold music on it, so as a format, it never really took off. | ||
| But then it was like CD-Rs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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|
You could record on CD-R. You could record on CD-Rs. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All that stuff is like, we thought that was the shit. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| I could make my own CDs, write on it with a Sharpie. | ||
| That's technology, man. | ||
| It happens so fast. | ||
| Especially in this era. | ||
| I mean, think about how long records existed for. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Decade after decade after decade, it was just records. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, compact discs. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because, yeah, because that started, what, around 1990? | ||
| Like, Laserdiscs were first. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they have movies that were Laserdiscs, too? | ||
| I asked my brother. | ||
| My brother's a techie and like an early adopter, so he has all that shit in his garage. | ||
| So yeah, he's got some movies on 12-inch Laserdiscs. | ||
| People still collect those. | ||
| Anything that was out there, somebody's buying 8-tracks somewhere. | ||
| Somebody's in their home right now watching Top Gun on Laserdisc. | ||
| All excited. | ||
| Yeah, and they invite you over like, hey, check this out. | ||
| And you're like, I can just hit the remote. | ||
| And it instantly plays. | ||
| That's the most incredible thing, is like you could ask Siri to play a song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you know, like, play Whole Lotta Love. | ||
| Bitch, listen to me. | ||
| Hey Siri, play Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin. | ||
| Wait, what kind of a world we live in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's like those commercials. | ||
| And again, getting back to the special, I talk about like the arguments between Siri and Alexa. | ||
| Like that's going to be the next thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think Alexa's more of a spy. | ||
| That bitch is... | ||
| She's listening more. | ||
| Alexa's listening all the time. | ||
| Alexa's listening all the time. | ||
| Siri, you have to talk to her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you hear this story about... | ||
| Yeah, we think. | ||
| We think. | ||
| But you know, the... | ||
| Privacy is an illusion now. | ||
| I'm off the grid. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| None of us are off the grid. | ||
| They say your social security number, anyone can find it. | ||
| Or your credit card numbers. | ||
| Anything you do. | ||
| It's out there. | ||
| Well, there's a new technology that the government is unleashing that is a weather balloon or a balloon that from 65,000 feet, it can watch multiple cars at the same time and track them. | ||
| 65,000 feet in the air. | ||
| Like, can you even see? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I mean, you wouldn't even be able to see it up there. | ||
| But that's, you know, that's not that new. | ||
| I mean, you know. | ||
| This is apparently like super high tech. | ||
| No, I mean, just the idea of watching from that high. | ||
| I mean, they've had spy planes and stuff like that. | ||
| They couldn't, you know. | ||
| Wasn't that a movie, Eye in the Sky? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gene Hackman or something? | ||
| Will Smith, wasn't it? | ||
| With the satellites? | ||
| Yeah, that was a movie where Gene Hackman was like, like, Will Smith made a phone call and Gene Hackman had to blow up his lab. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, yeah, back when I was in aerospace, you know, they had airplanes that would, like, they're flying at 80,000 feet keeping an eye on things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And they had... | ||
| prevalent and yeah well you know you've got listen man your car right all the new cars have a black box in them that people don't realize like so if you have an accident they can find out how fast you Oh, yeah. | ||
| Or if you have a warranty thing and they're like, yeah, but you were racing it at 150 miles an hour, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Well, not only that, some cars have a box in them where the police can shut your car down. | ||
| Like, say, if you're in a high-speed chase in a Corvette or something like that. | ||
| I don't know if it's a Corvette, but... | ||
| Some kind of car like that that's electronically controlled. | ||
| They literally can get your VIN number, plug it into a machine, and say, shut it down. | ||
| Yeah, they can do that with OnStar, right? | ||
| If the car is stolen, OnStar just shuts the car off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you seen those new plates? | ||
| Those electronic plates? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Well, when you call it in, like say someone stole your car, then the plate changes to stolen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now you like it a little more now, don't you? | ||
| Your eyes lit up. | ||
| Well, it's good. | ||
| No, because I was thinking, how come people can mess with you like that? | ||
| Like, no, you're just open for a practical joke. | ||
| Somebody's like, hey, man, let's report his car stolen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| Because who do they know? | ||
| Like, on the phone, they don't know if it's you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And all you need is the VIN or something in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What do you need? | ||
| Do you need some sort of second-party verification? | ||
| Do they send you a text message, reply to this, if your car is really stolen? | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Yeah, good point. | ||
| Your ex-wife, she's probably like, this motherfucker. | ||
| She's calling your car stolen. | ||
| Yeah, she would have all your info, right? | ||
| She's like, yeah. | ||
| This son of a bitch every Saturday night. | ||
| Or she knows you're doing something. | ||
| Do it in a stolen car, you bastard. | ||
| Our privacy is so deteriorated from the time we were kids to today. | ||
| It makes you really wonder how far it can keep slipping. | ||
| But the other side of the coin is, most people don't care. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| In other words, you're not that important. | ||
| Like, oh, the government's spying on me. | ||
| Well, no, they're not, because you're not doing anything that they would be interested in. | ||
| Yeah, don't flatter yourself. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| But then there's the other side, like, hey, if you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't worry about the government. | ||
| Hey, they can go look in my email. | ||
| email i'm not doing anything wrong that's not the point the point is the government is people right and people shouldn't have access to your email and who knows what kind of weird shit they're doing like there's that was one of the things that edward snowden and said that the government is like sneaking in on people's emails and looking at people's dick pics and looking at that basically look at all of all those things That's not the point. | ||
| And that's a sliding scale, right? | ||
| Between security and privacy and all of that, that you have to figure out what you're comfortable with. | ||
| Shameless plug number two, my podcast. | ||
| Now, I'm part of this new podcast. | ||
| It's called Fear Not. | ||
| Who's on it with you? | ||
| A guy named Barry Glassner. | ||
| And Barry Glassner wrote this book called The Culture of Fear. | ||
| And it was all about how fear is used as business, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| They keep you scared so that they could sell you things, whether it be security systems or there's so much involved in it. | ||
| And it's about what we're scared of versus what the real threats are. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like he's like, yeah, they keep you scared of, you know, your kid getting kidnapped in the park like your kid ain't going to get kidnapped in the park. | ||
| But what you should be scared of is the number of drunk drivers on the road. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the odds of you getting hit by a drunk driver between midnight and 2 a.m. | ||
| That's a real fear. | ||
| And we talk about it in the context of different things. | ||
| We did the whole anti-vax thing. | ||
| Yeah, you're worried about your kid getting something from the vaccination, but the greater good is... | ||
| Society is protecting itself against measles or whatever disease, you know. | ||
| So we talk about things like that. | ||
| And yeah, there's always that sliding scale of personal security or whatever versus the government, you know. | ||
| And again, if the government did its job right, you could trust them a lot more. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like the government, in other words, this is just my opinion, like taxes, okay? | ||
| A lot of people, I hate paying taxes. | ||
| I don't mind paying taxes because I understand the greater good. | ||
| We need to fix roads and we want to have good public schools and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Cops, firemen. | ||
| That the government gets the money and then they fuck up. | ||
| So that's why you don't want to pay because you know that this politician is paying his brother who's a contractor to do some bullshit work and stealing all, you know, so... | ||
| And, you know, what's the solution? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, we're all wondering what's the solution. | ||
| I don't think there is a solution on the horizon. | ||
| Did you see what happened with Neil deGrasse Tyson? | ||
| That Neil deGrasse Tyson got in trouble for tweeting something the other day after the mass shootings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People were pissed at him. | ||
| Pull the tweet up because it's pretty interesting. | ||
| It's just accurate. | ||
| And people were angry, and they're saying he's using his platform irresponsibly. | ||
| He was trying to let people know that although these shootings are a tragedy, they are a small number of deaths, and there's so many other deaths that happened. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| The USA horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings. | ||
| On average, across 48 hours, we also lose 500 to medical errors, 300 to the flu, 250 to suicide, 200 to car accidents, 40 to homicides via handgun. | ||
| Often our emotions respond more to spectacle than to data. | ||
| Now that is not a bad tweet, but I saw a scientist Who was writing, I am unfollowing him. | ||
| He is using this platform irresponsibly. | ||
| A lot of fucking virtue signaling, really. | ||
| Because what he's saying is not that there's anything wrong with feeling horrified. | ||
| By these tragedies. | ||
| I mean, he's saying we horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings. | ||
| But what he's saying, it's interesting that there's people dying left and right all throughout this country all day long, just not at the hands of one person, so we look at it differently. | ||
| And he's just saying, he's just giving you data as a scientist. | ||
| And that's exactly what it is. | ||
| He's a scientist. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And so a scientist can separate the emotion from Yeah. | ||
| But people don't. | ||
| Find his apology, because his apology is even more interesting. | ||
| People will consider a mass shooting much worse than heart attacks. | ||
| Yeah, so listen to this. | ||
| So this is the other thing. | ||
| Yesterday I posted, in reaction to the horrific mass shootings in America over the previous 48 hours, killing 34 people, spawned mixed and highly critical responses. | ||
| If you missed it, I offered a short list of largely preventable causes of death, along with their average two-day death toll in the United States. | ||
| They significantly exceeded the death toll from the two days of mass shootings, including the number of people, 40, who on average die from handgun homicides every two days. | ||
| I then noted that we tend to react emotionally to spectacular incidences of death, with the implication that more common causes of death trigger milder responses within us. | ||
| My intent was to offer objectively true information that might help shape conversations and reactions to preventable ways we die. | ||
| Where I miscalculated was that I genuinely believed that the tweet would be helpful to anyone trying to save lives in America. | ||
| What I learned from the range of reactions is that for many people some information my tweet in particular can be true but unhelpful especially at a time when many people are either still in shock or trying to heal or both so if you are one of those people I apologize for not knowing in advance what effect my tweet could have had on you I'm therefore thankful for the candor and depth of critical reactions shared in my Twitter feed. | ||
| As an educator, I personally value knowing with precision and accuracy what reaction anything that I say or write will instill in my audience and I got this one wrong. | ||
| Respectfully submitted. | ||
| And then it says Neil deGrasse Tyson. | ||
| Now, even that, people are saying not enough. | ||
| Not good enough a response. | ||
| It's almost like today, there's certain people today that they don't give a fuck whether or not you're saying something with sincerity, whether you are sorry. | ||
| Sorry's not enough. | ||
| They want to be mad at you, and even if you're sorry, if you admit you made a mistake, there's no forgiveness. | ||
| There's no road to redemption. | ||
| There's no, I get what you were doing. | ||
| I think that it depends on, you know, as far as is the sorry enough or whatever, depends on the pattern of the person. | ||
| Now, with Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is what I think happened in here. | ||
| This is my opinion. | ||
| He's a scientist. | ||
| So he gives information. | ||
| So he saw this and said, oh, wait a minute. | ||
| This many people died from medical mistakes. | ||
| And people didn't react. | ||
| What he doesn't, where he messed up was the timing. | ||
| You don't say that the day after the mass shooting. | ||
| You say it maybe a week later or something like, hey, you know, people die in a lot of ways, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Now, what he's saying is, I didn't know that. | ||
| I'm a scientist. | ||
| I wasn't aware of the emotional impact. | ||
| Thank you for telling me the emotional impact, and I'm sorry that I hurt people's feelings, which to me is totally legitimate, especially coming from who he is and what I would think the scientific mindset is. | ||
| Now, there are some people that, yeah, exactly what you said. | ||
| They decided you're a terrible person for saying this, so that apology isn't enough. | ||
| There's nothing he could do. | ||
| But see, there's certain people, right... | ||
| There's nothing you can do that's going to change their mind. | ||
| You know, you look at the Obama birth certificate, right? | ||
| So even when the birth certificate came out, there's a certain percentage of the people that are still like, well, no, that's fake. | ||
| Like there was no way he was ever going to be American to these people. | ||
| There's a certain, you know, you travel, you know, like I, you know, There's certain groups, like, you ain't gonna get them. | ||
| Their mind's made up and they're in their bubble, they're in their whatever it is, and they're surrounded by like-minded people. | ||
| Like you said, like, this is the disadvantage of the internet, right? | ||
| The advantage of the internet is all of this information. | ||
| The disadvantage is you find people who only think like you and you only talk to them and you build this bubble. | ||
| Well, yes. | ||
| So there's a group of people... | ||
| I don't know how you want to describe it, that decided the moment he said that, this is an unfeeling, horrible person, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| I mean, you know, my thing with the mass shootings, I'm like, listen, we don't care. | ||
| We say we care. | ||
| It's very sad for that family. | ||
| To me, the worst part of a mass shooting is somebody went to Walmart that day. | ||
| They didn't know it was going to be the last day of their life. | ||
| They're never going to see their family again. | ||
| Somebody went out to a club in Ohio. | ||
| They didn't know they'd never come. | ||
| That's the tragic part, and that is sad. | ||
| But in the grand scheme of things, we don't do anything. | ||
| We say it doesn't work before we even try it. | ||
| There's nothing we do that changes. | ||
| Even after Vegas, when they said they were going to ban, what was it called, the bump stop or whatever it was, that thing that helped shoot faster. | ||
| And then ultimately, they didn't even ban that. | ||
| So as a society... | ||
| We say we care, but we don't, because we don't change anything. | ||
| You've got to change something. | ||
| Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? | ||
| Well, we're getting way off track here, but with Neil deGrasse Tyson, the outrage thing didn't outrage me. | ||
| No, no, I get it. | ||
| It didn't outrage you either, right? | ||
| No, because he's a scientist. | ||
| What he said is truth, and data is delivered without emotion, and why people were upset It's because he delivered truth with no emotion. | ||
| But he did. | ||
| He said horrifically. | ||
| I mean, he was talking about the tragedy. | ||
| The thing is that just people are looking to be upset. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| People look for something to be mad about or something to be outraged about. | ||
| And you know what that takes away from? | ||
| It takes away from real outrage. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It diminishes it. | ||
| If you're outraged every day... | ||
| Then, you know, then, okay, so what's really outrageous? | ||
| If I'm going to be upset at a scientist for giving me scientific data, what do I want? | ||
| Yeah, I guess the timing was the issue. | ||
| The timing was the issue. | ||
| But it wasn't an issue with me. | ||
| I mean, I get what he's doing. | ||
| I'm not a moron. | ||
| It's simple. | ||
| He was just giving you all sorts of different horrific deaths that occur all throughout the country. | ||
| And I think on that same weekend, there was some unprecedented number of people that were shot and killed in Chicago. | ||
| Like, Chicago's a fucking... | ||
| Chicago's... | ||
| War zone. | ||
| It's a war zone. | ||
| Yeah, and the thing is, you know, people say, well, what about the gun laws? | ||
| And it's like, yeah, but all you got to do is go to Indiana. | ||
| Like, you go two hours away, and you can get whatever you want. | ||
| Just, you know, that's the... | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Just driving a car to a gun show. | ||
| So as a city, Chicago's like, look, we're trying, but we can't... | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| You know, what are we going to... | ||
| Set up borders and check every car coming into Illinois? | ||
|
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|
God. | |
| Damn, you'd have to go in every house. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So you can't do that. | ||
| But yeah, his thing, I think it was a time, and I'm like you, that didn't offend me. | ||
| I get what he was saying. | ||
| It can't offend you. | ||
| If you're a rational human, it can't offend you. | ||
| You know what bothers me when people pretend to be ignorant of something and they're not? | ||
| How so? | ||
| Well, when people, like, for example, with this, like, there are some people like, oh, we can use this to create some dislike against Neil S. Tyson or whatever. | ||
| It's generally politicians do it, right? | ||
| When they say something and they're like, oh, I didn't know that was offensive. | ||
| It's like, yes, you did. | ||
| But you know your followers didn't. | ||
| Give me an example. | ||
| I'm trying to think of an example. | ||
| Okay, well, with the mass shootings, right? | ||
| So the whole thing of saying that Trump's tweets had nothing to do with it. | ||
| Yes, they did. | ||
| Now, they didn't directly... | ||
| But yeah, it did normalize, and this guy used the same language of the invasion, etc. | ||
| So you can't say that it's completely unrelated. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And again, it's not saying direct, but you can't pretend there's no connection. | ||
| There's a direct connection because it's quotes. | ||
| There are people who are intelligent enough to know that. | ||
| But they'll say no. | ||
| No, there's no. | ||
| And it's like, yes, there is. | ||
| And you know there is. | ||
| Don't feign ignorance. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, you know the guy in Dayton who really fucked up one was that guy's an Elizabeth Warren supporter who actually wrote about gun control. | ||
| I mean, he was just a horrific homicidal fucking psychopath. | ||
| And listen, you have to have some... | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You're like even, you know, regardless of your political beliefs, there has to be something wrong with you. | ||
| But you can be sparked or you can be egged on. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the words of leaders or political people or powerful people. | ||
| People of influence. | ||
| Perfect way to put it. | ||
| Yeah, people of influence. | ||
| And that's why I think people of influence have to be responsible in what they say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is a different thing. | ||
| I think this is just a case of a scientist pointing out information... | ||
| Without, you know, like you were talking about earlier, dorks, nerds, whatever you want to say, where it's like, yeah, well, this is just information. | ||
| I'm not trying to be emotional. | ||
| And people are like, well, you have to be. | ||
| You have to connect. | ||
| Even though you're from a lab environment, you have to understand not everyone is. | ||
| But that's one of the more uncomfortable things about today with social media is that there's a bunch of people that are really just – They're just authoritarian. | ||
| They demand certain types of behavior, and they do so under the guise of compassion. | ||
| They're trying to enforce the way people communicate, like the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing. | ||
| There's no indication whatsoever that he was minimizing the deaths. | ||
| But people are pretending that he's doing so. | ||
| Yeah, there are some people who believe he did, but there are a lot of people pretending to be offended. | ||
| Pretending to be upset. | ||
| They're finding a nice target. | ||
| There's too many voices, Alonzo. | ||
| Too many words. | ||
| Too many people out there spewing. | ||
| Again, that's the positive and the negative of the internet. | ||
| The positive and the negative. | ||
| The positive is everyone has a voice. | ||
| The negative is everyone has a voice. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| And everyone's... | ||
| And the thing is, the... | ||
| The middle, the calmest voices, the reasonable voices, are the least heard. | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| Well, that's Facebook, right? | ||
| Facebook's algorithm favors outrage. | ||
| So if you are on Facebook and you get upset about abortion, that's the kind of shit you're going to get in your feed. | ||
| If you get mad about climate change, there you go. | ||
| You're going to get a lot of climate change talk. | ||
| That's what's going to show up. | ||
| Goddamn, that makes people nuts. | ||
| Oh, again, and this is living in the bubble. | ||
| You don't get to hear the other side. | ||
| And it's not even the reasonable part of the other side. | ||
| Politically, yeah, I'm left. | ||
| I have friends who I call reasonable Republicans. | ||
| And I can talk to a reasonable Republican. | ||
| I can't talk to a crazy Republican. | ||
| If you say that the mass shootings are based on transgender marriage... | ||
| Then we can't talk. | ||
| We got nothing. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I can't work with you. | ||
| But if you say that taxes should be lower to stimulate the economy and blah, blah, blah, yeah, we could talk about that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| And just like on the left, look, I... Believe in the environment, this and that. | ||
| But now, if you're asking me to give up gasoline, we may have a problem. | ||
| I may not be ready to go that far just yet. | ||
| Here's my thought. | ||
| If there's too much CO2 in the air, can't we make something to suck CO2 out of the air? | ||
| Why are we wasting it? | ||
| I mean, wouldn't that be better? | ||
| To me, there are certain... | ||
| Air filters? | ||
| Just giant air filters? | ||
| There are certain forms of technology or areas I don't understand. | ||
| This is the one that bugs me. | ||
| Can't we come up with a better way to build a road? | ||
| What's a better way? | ||
| I don't know, but that's my point. | ||
| There's some really smart people out there. | ||
| What's wrong with roads? | ||
| It takes forever to do road construction. | ||
| Yeah, well, you can think about what you got to do. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm saying, though. | ||
| Somebody's got to come up with a better way. | ||
| Do we really want more roads? | ||
| Well, fixing them. | ||
| We got to fix them. | ||
| Just fucking lay down some concrete or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Like the high-speed train thing, right? | ||
| How long have you been in L.A.? 94 I moved here. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I moved here in 80. Damn! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right out of high school I came here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So ever since I've been here, and ever since you've been here, they've been talking about a high-speed rail. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| From San Francisco to LA to Las Vegas. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't Elon Musk going to do that now, though? | ||
| The Hyperloop? | ||
| This is my point. | ||
| Companies like Lockheed, Rockwell, Northrop, these aerospace companies have come up with, you know, stealth aircraft, hypersonic aircraft. | ||
| You can't tell me that if you went to Lockheed and said, listen, here's $10 billion. | ||
| We need a train that'll go 200 miles an hour from San Francisco to L.A. that they couldn't do it. | ||
| They absolutely, you know what I mean? | ||
| They have the scientists and the technology. | ||
| Like, we spend so much money... | ||
| I get we need defense and this and that, but yeah, let's cut 20 billion to the side to figure out how to move people around more efficiently, because that's what these companies do. | ||
| These are engineering and design companies. | ||
| They come up with shit like this. | ||
| So I've always said, why not just do that? | ||
| Why not take some of this brain power and this engineering and development and use science for the masses? | ||
| So now if you had, because if you had that, think about if you could just go to the train station and get to Vegas in two hours or an hour and a half. | ||
| How many people wouldn't drive if it was that easy? | ||
| You know, flying to Vegas is a pain in the ass, right? | ||
| You got to go to the airport. | ||
| Then you got to go, you know, you're doing all, you're spending an hour getting ready for a 40 minute flight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But a train is so much easier if it existed. | ||
|
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Is it? | |
| Yeah, if it exists. | ||
| Why is it easier than a plane? | ||
| Because you just get on and you go. | ||
| And you can do things on the train. | ||
| You ever, like, back east, going from D.C. to New York? | ||
| I found it's easier to do it on a train. | ||
| It's the same amount of time as going to the airport, flying, getting to your destination. | ||
| Because cutting out the travel to and from, security, a lot of time. | ||
| You just sit in the train and just read or write. | ||
| You've got Wi-Fi. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| And you go from downtown to downtown. | ||
| That's the other thing about trains. | ||
| They don't go to airports, which are way out there. | ||
| Downtown to downtown. | ||
| Where do you travel by train? | ||
| Like I say, from downtown D.C. to Penn Station. | ||
| You're like an old-timey person. | ||
| No, there's an express train. | ||
| I found this out from people who do it. | ||
| How long does it take? | ||
| How long does it take? | ||
| Three, three and a half hours. | ||
| Oh, that's not bad. | ||
| It's better than driving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it probably goes just as fast as a car. | ||
| Probably not any faster than a car. | ||
| No, no fast. | ||
| But if we had a high-speed train that could travel at, you know, 200 miles an hour or whatever, 180. Whatever those bullet trains travel at. | ||
| I was just in Italy. | ||
| We took the train over the countryside. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| You're just sitting down, relaxing. | ||
| They come by, get a Diet Coke. | ||
| It's a different form of travel. | ||
| Again, not the most efficient, but comfortable. | ||
| Why do they disturb me so much, though, when they crash? | ||
| When those motherfuckers derail, there's something about them. | ||
| I'm like, yikes. | ||
| Yeah, well, because that's a lot of energy. | ||
| And there's no seatbelts. | ||
| No. | ||
| So everybody just goes flying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why don't they put fucking seatbelts on trains? | ||
| Who's going to wear them? | ||
| I would wear them. | ||
| Why is that funny? | ||
| There's not really an abrupt stop. | ||
| Sure there is. | ||
| If somebody lays a log on the road, that's the problem is when someone fucks up, there's a very abrupt stop. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's true of your car. | ||
| Yeah, but you wear a seatbelt in your car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| There's still people who don't, which blows my mind. | ||
| Well, how about you? | ||
| You're on a motorcycle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, they talk about how crazy we are. | ||
| I've got an explosive fluid between my legs above a hot engine, and my only airbag are my knees. | ||
| It's insane, Joe, but... | ||
| Going in between cars, dude. | ||
| But it's easy to park. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Yes. | ||
| You don't drive a car at all, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, I drive. | ||
| You do? | ||
| But you know when I drive, like yesterday I was driving around. | ||
| What kind of car you got? | ||
| Right now I got a truck. | ||
| I got a Raptor. | ||
|
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|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Big ass fucking killer truck. | ||
| I thought Brendan has one of those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are legit. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I'm almost over it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, about a year. | ||
| And it's like, okay, I'm almost done with this truck thing. | ||
| It's fun to have this big-ass truck. | ||
| Like, this girl was in the truck with me, and this car was pulling on, and I was like, oh, he ain't gonna hit me. | ||
| This is too much. | ||
| And if he does, I'm not even going to stop. | ||
| I'm going to win. | ||
| He's going to hit my tire, and I'm going to run over his hood. | ||
| But that's just me. | ||
| I get bored with stuff, right? | ||
| So I drive something for a year, year and a half, and I'm like, all right, I'm over it. | ||
| Let's try something else. | ||
| Do you get leases? | ||
| No, no, because leases are harder to get out of. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| Oh, so you just know how you are. | ||
| I have wasted enough money over the years. | ||
| I have bought my way out of shit. | ||
| You know who? | ||
| My brother used to love it because I would lease something. | ||
| This is what I found out. | ||
| So if you lease something for three years and you want to get rid of the two, they're like, yeah, fine. | ||
| But you still got to pay us for the third year. | ||
| So I would call my brother like, hey, man, you want to drive this thing? | ||
| I got to pay for it anyway. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| Ship it. | ||
| So you'd ship it to him? | ||
| No, he would pay to ship it. | ||
| I can't pay to ship, but yeah. | ||
| And you would just keep paying the bill? | ||
| I had to pay it anyway. | ||
| But did you have to get it back to the... | ||
| You could return it there. | ||
| You could return it to any dealership. | ||
| So if you lease... | ||
| Like, I had a... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The Infinity F45 and something. | ||
| Yeah, so he just returned it to an Infinity place there. | ||
| So you realized after a few of these fuck-ups that this is just your personality. | ||
| Yeah, just buy it and sell it. | ||
| And I hope... | ||
| What I've found is I'm not the only one with this disease. | ||
| Like, there's a bunch of us out there. | ||
| So I try to buy it from the guy who's just like me. | ||
| Like, I bought my Raptor. | ||
| It was, like, five months old. | ||
| It had, like, 3,000 miles. | ||
| So, like, because that guy had the sickness, you know what I mean? | ||
| So he was like, man, I got to get rid of this Raptor. | ||
| I was like, yeah, okay, I got it. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a single guy and you have a good job like you and you don't have real... | ||
| Financial obligations. | ||
| So you just want to try something different. | ||
| What's next? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've been looking around and a buddy of mine just went for the new Corvette. | ||
| He just put his money down on that. | ||
| And then I started looking. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this might be... | ||
| Like, I always had a problem with Corvettes because I've driven them. | ||
| They're good. | ||
| They're a little small inside. | ||
| And also there's the baggage of having a Corvette, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, look, a middle-aged single guy in a Corvette. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But this new one, I don't think it carries that. | ||
| Because it's more like a Ferrari. | ||
| I don't think it carries the creeper factor. | ||
| Oh, it will. | ||
| The creeper factor will fire up eventually. | ||
| I feel like it's definitely the next step in terms of, like, design and evolution. | ||
| It just looks better. | ||
| It looks classier. | ||
| Oh, it's a badass car. | ||
| Yeah, I think they got a big hit. | ||
| You know it has a GPS that recognizes where you are and raises the nose up when you're in certain speed bumps and shit? | ||
| Speed bumps and stuff, yeah. | ||
| It knows where, like, low dryways are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, who had that? | ||
| Like, Rolls-Royce had that where, like, there's a camera... | ||
| That sees bumps and adjusts the suspension for the bumps coming up in front of you. | ||
| In milliseconds. | ||
| The new Corvette is the fastest ever 0-60 too, which is amazing because it's 200 plus horsepower less than the Z06 or the ZR1 rather, and it's still way faster, which is crazy. | ||
| Yeah, well the design is, I mean, it's going to be a phenomenal... | ||
| Phenomenal car, so... | ||
|
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|
I don't know. | |
| I don't want to be an early adopter, though. | ||
| I don't know if I'd be that. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Goddamn, that looks good in black. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| That's going to be, you know... | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
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And they're going to be all over L.A. Holy shit, that thing looks good. | |
| It's going to be a badass car. | ||
| That is as good looking as an American car has ever been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, literally. | ||
| And you know something? | ||
| That's like the Ford GT costs, what, like a half million dollars? | ||
| And that's 60 grand. | ||
| And this is 60. With the dealer markup, they'll get 70 for them. | ||
| And I bet it's just as fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet it's pretty close. | ||
| And it still has a trunk. | ||
| Yeah, there's a trunk in the front and the back, right? | ||
| That is nasty. | ||
| Yeah, so that might be next. | ||
| Why not, man? | ||
| That might be next. | ||
| Fuck, look at that goddamn thing. | ||
| That is a fucking hell of a good-looking car. | ||
| That's gonna be a badass monster car. | ||
| And the top comes off. | ||
|
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|
Woo! | |
| That's a beast, man. | ||
| And that's the entry model. | ||
| I mean, wait until they start pumping out the Z06 and the ZR1. When is that going to happen? | ||
| I think in 2021 or 2022. I can't wait. | ||
| I was going to ask, are you going to get one? | ||
| Now that I'm looking at this. | ||
| That's where I was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's probably hard to get them. | ||
| Yeah, there's a waiting list, and the dealers are going to get a markup. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That thing's nasty. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe has one. | ||
| Not this one. | ||
| He has last year's one. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| They're great cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're great cars. | ||
| Well, you know who's going to get one. | ||
| Leno's going to get one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he's already got one. | |
| Does he get the first one, or which one does he get? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's already got one. | |
| Have you been to his garage? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I should say garages. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's got 11 warehouses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you know what? | ||
| It's what any car nut would do with unlimited cash. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you had unlimited funds and you're a gearhead. | ||
| And he's truly a gearhead. | ||
| Like, he knows his stuff. | ||
| Like, he doesn't just buy it. | ||
| Like, he actually knows all about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He has fabrication machinery in his studio. | ||
| He's had it. | ||
| Where he can build fenders. | ||
| He's had it for so long. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's not like 3D printing isn't new to him. | ||
| No. | ||
| I remember he has this jet-powered car and the wheels. | ||
| He was telling me about the wheels and he showed me brake dust won't stick to them. | ||
| You know how you get that black dust? | ||
| And he said... | ||
| Yeah, Alcoa sent me the hunk of aluminum. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| They sent him the metal and he made the wheels. | ||
| Like, are you kidding me? | ||
| Like, that's the extent of machining you have that you can just make the wheels? | ||
| That is ridiculous. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| He's making wheels. | ||
| That is so preposterous. | ||
| Yeah, his place is a trip, man. | ||
| I mean, you could wander around it for hours and he loves explaining everything to you. | ||
| My favorite was, you know, he'll let you take in a group, right? | ||
| He's really cool about this. | ||
| It's like, you donate money to a charity. | ||
| And then he's like, okay, you can bring in this many people. | ||
| So it's almost like it's not selling tickets. | ||
| It's helping charity. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it was really cool. | ||
| So he had this guy, and the guy passed away. | ||
| I can't remember his name. | ||
| I want to say it was Jimmy something, but this was a guy who would give tours. | ||
| So he's walking around, and he's like, this is this, this. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| When did we get this one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, what the hell is this? | |
| So he's probably always picking shit up, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a guy that's like, where did this come from? | ||
| What happens when Jay Leno dies? | ||
| The only thing I can think is they make it a museum. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's the only thing I could think. | ||
| If it's all paid off, that's a good move. | ||
| Charge tickets. | ||
| I would think... | ||
| I'd pay. | ||
| I would think he probably has something set up to maintain it. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Because how are you going to sell those things? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Who the fuck's going to buy that steam car? | ||
| Right. | ||
| One of the steam cars. | ||
| There's a few steam cars. | ||
| Well, he has ones with metal wheels that he actually had rubber installed on the outside of the metal wheels so he could drive around town. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he has those giant cars that are like 25 feet long, but they only seat two people. | ||
| There's like two V12 engines in the front of you. | ||
| But it's fantastic, though. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| And there's a few people like that, but I don't know about anyone who does it on the scale that he does. | ||
| No, no one likes him. | ||
| I mean, Jerry Seinfeld, he's got his with Portia. | ||
| He's all Portia, which is weird. | ||
| Corolla. | ||
| Adam has... | ||
| Paul Newman's old race cars. | ||
| You ever been to his spot? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, he's got Paul Newman's old Nissan and Datsun race cars, and he races them in vintage races. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| I've seen videos of it. | ||
| Yeah, so that's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, that is pretty cool. | ||
| You have... | ||
| What year is your GT3? It's a 2007. Okay. | ||
| That is maybe the greatest car. | ||
| Like, the GT3... It's a very exciting car to drive. | ||
| It's a thrilling, fun car to drive. | ||
| It's super lightweight. | ||
| And mine's a Shark Works car, so it's got 518 horsepower. | ||
| There's a place called Speed Vegas. | ||
| It's a track outside of Vegas. | ||
| You go there and you pay. | ||
| You can drive whatever. | ||
| You know, they have like Ferraris and Lambos and stuff. | ||
| So I've been there a few times. | ||
| And the last time I went, they had the new GT3 with the rear wheel steering. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I was like, well, this is God's own sports car. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The handling, you think it and it does it. | ||
| And the whole time you're driving it, the car's laughing at you like, I'm so much better than you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Mine doesn't have all that electronic nanny shit that the new ones have, but the new ones are quite a bit faster. | ||
| And the new one is the GT3 Touring is the shit, because it doesn't have all the crazy fins. | ||
| Most of the time, you're not driving it on a track. | ||
| You're just driving it around town, so you get all the feel of a real GT3, but it's more stealth. | ||
| It looks almost like a regular 911. Yeah. | ||
| Look, man, they have barely deviated from their style since the 1960s. | ||
|
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|
It's crazy. | |
| I am such a fan of the 911. It's my favorite car. | ||
| I've had a few 911s. | ||
| Of all the cars I've had, the one I regret was the 88 Turbo. | ||
| I regret getting rid of that. | ||
| I'll always regret... | ||
| Having gotten rid of that, that car was a beast. | ||
| It was a hard-ass car, but when it was going, it was perfect. | ||
| Those cars, they're so Dale happy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was trying to kill you all the time. | ||
| The car was literally like, if you get scared and let off the gas, I'm going to kill you. | ||
| And that boost would kick in. | ||
| You know what I liked about it? | ||
| It was motorcycle fast. | ||
| It was this crazy... | ||
| Motorcycle kind of like just high RPM and then the boost would kick in and the rear end would snap and you'd just be flying. | ||
| Yikes! | ||
| Like you better be pointed in the right direction, you know? | ||
| Have you driven a Tesla yet? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You driven the fast one, the P100D? No, I haven't driven that one. | ||
| I've driven the, I guess it's the regular P1. I drove one with ludicrous mode though, so I did get to experience that. | ||
| So fastest thing I've ever driven in my life. | ||
| Yeah, that's 0 to 60 and like 2.2 or 2.4, yeah. | ||
| And then the Roadster that's going to come out, that's 1.9. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that was like when motorcycles went crazy with horsepower. | ||
| I mean, now their bikes with over 200 horsepower. | ||
| But when they first came out with like the Hayabuses and stuff like that, I had a friend who was a dealer and he said, you know, you're going to be able to buy the rear half of these. | ||
| Because he said, like, people just go over the throttle and crash into shit. | ||
| He's like, yeah, you can get the clean back half of a Hayabusa or an R1. When you sell a kid a Hayabusa, what percentage of those kids wind up crippled or dead? | ||
| Not a high percentage, honestly. | ||
| Not out of 100? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
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|
That's a lot. | |
| But I don't even know if it's that high because... | ||
| Imagine if you told jokes and one out of a hundred people in the crowd's heads exploded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you haven't been to my show. | ||
| I really do that, Joe. | ||
| I get so deep and cerebral that I throw in a dick joke and... | ||
|
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|
Boom! | |
| No, you know, the thing about... | ||
| Yeah, motorcycling is dangerous, but... | ||
| More people die on Harleys and cruisers. | ||
| You sound like Neil deGrasse Tyson right now. | ||
| No, I'm going to tell you the reason why is because they're the ones who they only ride once in a while and they go to a bar, right? | ||
| And they hang out in the afternoon drinking and then they get on their Harley and go home. | ||
| They don't wear a helmet and they crash and they die. | ||
| That happens more often than a kid racing around because, you know, he's a kid. | ||
| He's got quicker reflexes. | ||
| And then the real sport bike guys are wearing the right protective equipment because it's part of the culture. | ||
| But unfortunately, it happens. | ||
| I was just at a motorcycle event last week. | ||
| I was doing a show. | ||
| And they do these rides. | ||
| And one of the guys died during the event. | ||
| And it was really sad. | ||
| But unfortunately, that's part of it. | ||
| But whenever people hit me with that, I'm like, yeah, people die in cars, too. | ||
| Like, that's the Neil deGrasse Tyson side of it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, people die in cars, too. | ||
| And this is what I choose to do, and I manage the risk. | ||
| We've talked about this, right? | ||
| So, you know, my thing with bikes is, look, if you live through your 20s, you'll be fine. | ||
| Your 20s is when you're stupid. | ||
| When you're wild. | ||
| Yeah, but it would be the same thing. | ||
| Imagine if you had a GT3 and you were 22 years old. | ||
| I had some ridiculously fast cars when I was in my 20s. | ||
| I always spent all my money on fast cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, the odds are against you on that, too, you know, because you do stupid shit. | ||
| And you also don't know how to handle them correctly. | ||
| You don't know the limitations. | ||
| You don't know how to turn or stop. | ||
| Well, you don't know when to turn or stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, oh, that was too late. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you feel the tires break and you're still going straight, like, whoops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or you don't know the road you're on, like you've never been on this road before, and suddenly you suddenly learn what decreasing radius means. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's just amazing how fast bikes are, and now they're making electric bikes that don't have any shifting, which is very interesting to me. | ||
| Harley has a new bike now. | ||
| Yeah, Harley's got an electric bike to live wire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you fucked with that? | |
| No, I've ridden an electric bike, but I haven't ridden Harleys. | ||
| They're supposed to be stupid fast. | ||
| They all are. | ||
| It's all just numbers. | ||
| You know, it's just like cars, right? | ||
| Like, how many cars now have a top speed of 150, 180? | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But it's just a number because you're not going to get there, right? | ||
| So it just becomes that. | ||
| Even the zero to 60, you know, well, with the Tesla, you could do it because you just step on the gas, step on the accelerator and do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Most cars, yeah, it can go that quick, but you can't because you're not that good a driver. | ||
| And it's the same thing with bikes. | ||
| So bikes can be super quick, but you're not skilled enough to do it. | ||
| Like, we laugh about it all the time. | ||
| That's it right there? | ||
| Yeah, that's the Harley. | ||
|
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|
Woo! | |
| Look at that thing. | ||
| What is that crazy shit between your legs? | ||
| Is that the batteries? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, that's the batteries because the motor's small. | ||
| What a fucking beautiful bike. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What kind of range do you think these things have? | ||
| The one I rode had like an 80 mile. | ||
| I have no idea what the Harley... | ||
| 80 miles? | ||
| That's not enough. | ||
| Well, it can't carry big batteries like a car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I have no idea what the range on the Harley's. | ||
| 110 mile range. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| City dwelling consumer who travels in traffic frequently at 110 mile range is realistic. | ||
| Okay, so cut that down because... | ||
| Yeah, make it 70. Yeah, because you're going to be opening it up every chance you get. | ||
| Live miles batteries will recharge from 0 to 80% in 40 minutes. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Using a stage 3 supercharger connection. | ||
| That's another thing with electric cars and electric bikes. | ||
| They're going to have to standardize this charging. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, because it's like, okay, so Tesla uses one charger, then like Audi uses a different one. | ||
| Now Harley's going to, like, you're going to have to come up with some one-size-fits-all so that you can just plug your car in and charge it. | ||
| You can't have each company having their own system. | ||
| Well, you have universal ones at the airport. | ||
| And the airport, I plugged my car in at the airport this past weekend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's the first time I've ever done it. | ||
| I was like, ooh, I found a spot. | ||
| Electric. | ||
| You have just a little adapter you put on their universal one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it plugs into the Tesla. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Charged easy. | ||
| So it charged while I was gone. | ||
| I got there full charge. | ||
| That'll work then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, because that's what I was thinking because, you know, because I heard like Porsches developing a network of chargers, which I imagine Porsche and Audi are going to use the same one. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| If you have a Tesla supercharger, can you plug a Porsche into it? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| Yeah, they're going to have to figure that out. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| What are they going to be like Apple? | ||
| You know, you can only use a lightning cable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't use USB-C. I'm an Apple guy. | |
| But I'm going to tell you where Apple, this is where I drew the line. | ||
| So I got the iPad, right? | ||
| And then I got an iPad mini. | ||
| And then I wanted to get the pencil. | ||
| Do you know there's a separate pencil for the mini iPad, the regular iPad? | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| Is there really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I was like, are you kidding? | ||
| So you want me to spend $99 for each one of these pencils and then figure out which one is which, right? | ||
| Then I can't. | ||
| What if I accidentally have to run? | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| It's like, come on. | ||
| Well, they do way worse than that. | ||
| There's a website that I follow. | ||
| There's a YouTube channel, rather, that I follow. | ||
| It's a guy who repairs computers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| from developing proprietary screws that other people don't have a screwdriver for to literally having motherboards where you cannot replace a piece. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
| So if this piece goes bad, they have to replace the entire motherboard. | ||
| And he's like, that is so irresponsible. | ||
| And he's like, the only reason why this exists is because people allow Apple to do it. | ||
| He's like, any other company, whether it's IBM or Lenovo or fucking Dell, when you buy a laptop from them... | ||
| There's all these parts. | ||
| You can bring it into a place. | ||
| They can replace this, replace that, and here's the chip, and here's the that, and it's easy. | ||
| But with Apple, they make it so it's difficult for third-party consumers. | ||
| Yeah, well, they made it so it's only Apple. | ||
| Yeah, well, third-party people can't repair it. | ||
| They don't want anyone messing with it. | ||
| It's fucking gross, man. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| And then the Lightning C, the C cable, the Lightning Bolt thing versus USB-C. Lightning Bolt's not as good. | ||
| It's not as good. | ||
| The bandwidth's not as fast. | ||
| Doesn't transfer data or power as quickly. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| The cable thing is something like every time you get a new gadget, you got another cable. | ||
| Yeah, if they just went with USB-C. Let's make everything USB-C. Every Android phone, every fucking one of them uses USB-C. Yeah. | ||
| Because the fact that you have to carry a different case, and then you're like, does this fit that? | ||
| And then, yeah, it's a pain in the ass. | ||
| The only thing that Apple has going for it is privacy, in terms of phones. | ||
| They are way better with their privacy. | ||
| But because of that... | ||
| Privacy and protecting your privacy, that's also why Apple Maps suck. | ||
| Like, Apple Maps is not nearly as good as Google Maps, because Google Maps is following you to the bathroom. | ||
| And they're sending all that shit to Cupertino or whatever the hell they are. | ||
| They get all the data. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| From Waze, from this, from that. | ||
| That's also why it works so well. | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| Their text messages and all the different things is not as secure as iMessage. | ||
| iMessage is all scrambled and encrypted. | ||
| And the other thing with Apple is for someone who's not a techie or whatever, it's the integration, the seamless integration between the Apple products. | ||
| Oh, including your, if you have, what is it, ITV? What is it, Apple TV? Yeah. | ||
| If you have Apple TV, you can, like, type shit up in your phone. | ||
| Your phone syncs up to Apple TV. Right, your phone syncs to your TV, and it's your remote. | ||
| And you use your phone as a keyboard. | ||
| Yeah, it's your remote. | ||
| And you don't have to know how to do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm talking to blah, blah. | ||
| Like, you put the password in on your phone, then you open up your iPad, and it gets the password from the phone, and it's already connected to, you know, whatever network and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, Android's are getting better at that, though. | ||
| They're getting closer and closer to filling the gap. | ||
| I mean, the new Samsung phones are as good, if not better, than anything Apple's ever put out. | ||
| The thing is, are you in the Apple ecosystem? | ||
| That's all it is, yeah. | ||
| Which one is your normal? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Which one are you used to? | ||
| Ian has a hilarious bit about it. | ||
| He has a hilarious bit about being both vegan and android. | ||
| It's the most a person could ever get discriminated against. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| The other thing is too, the little dots. | ||
| If I send you a text message and you start replying, I see the dot, dot, dot, and then it stops. | ||
| It's like, what's going on? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| You just ghosted me. | ||
| You just blew me off. | ||
| But you were gonna reply, and then you're like, fuck that dude. | ||
| But like, with the green message, if it's an android, you don't know when it's coming. | ||
| You don't know if that guy got that message. | ||
| Part of me likes that better. | ||
| Like, I don't necessarily want you to know I read your message. | ||
| And they used to give read receipts. | ||
| It sucks when they know you read it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because now they know you're intentionally not answering me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's those little dot, dot, dots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those little dot, dot, dots are ratting you out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what Ian says. | ||
| And he's like, I don't need everyone to know that I read your message. | ||
| Man, that dude is so funny. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I'm so happy he finally has a Comedy Central special. | ||
| Yeah, you talk about overdue. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| You know who's next? | ||
| Owen Smith. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| he's a motherfucker man Owen me and Owen were talking and we were talking about the business side because he was talking about the whole writers thing about writers giving up their agents and this and that and and he was he's so smart on it but yeah Owen's hilarious he's one of the best comics on the planet earth yeah people don't know great writer yeah and just great performer too yeah He's so funny, man. | ||
| I've been working with him a lot lately. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We do a lot of gigs together, especially improv in the store. | ||
| He's as good as anybody. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| And people don't know. | ||
| Hey, listen, the last thing I need is people publicizing another tall black comic. | ||
| Owen Smith? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Well, we're publicizing you too. | ||
| Finally, you got an Amazon special. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| But that is funny. | ||
| There's a kid named Andre LeClerc out of New York. | ||
| Funny guy. | ||
| He did New Faces last year. | ||
| And my manager signed him. | ||
| And I was like, you know it's over when your manager signs a younger, better-looking version of you. | ||
| Like, that's the last thing I needed. | ||
| But he's a funny kid. | ||
| But there's not a good benefit to being good-looking in comedy. | ||
| There is if you want to do sitcoms, but they don't really exist anymore. | ||
| If you want to get into the movies and do like a rom-com thing. | ||
| But sitcoms, that was what Montreal was all about. | ||
| Montreal was all about you got a development deal and you did sitcoms. | ||
| Now it's streaming services. | ||
| Movies are still like a different animal. | ||
| That's a different breed. | ||
| I have zero desire. | ||
| But streaming services and... | ||
| You know, it's really funny, too, because people talk about acting. | ||
| I'm not an actor, and I'm okay with not being an actor. | ||
| I like hosting stuff, and I like unscripted TV and stuff like that, but... | ||
| But, you know, when people are like, would you want a show? | ||
| Well, yeah, of course I'd want a show. | ||
| I mean, it's, you know, a ton of money and this and that. | ||
| But the actual doing it and creating it, like, my mind has never worked like that, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, some people, they love playing characters and stuff like that. | ||
| All due respect to that, but it's not what I do. | ||
| But people are almost like, well, why don't you? | ||
| And it's like, because it's not my thing. | ||
| Hedberg used to have a joke about that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That comedy is the only thing where they ask you to do something else once you do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a cook, they never ask you, do you farm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but it was always the way that everybody got famous, right? | ||
| Roseanne and Seinfeld and Tim Allen and all those guys that got sitcoms based off of stand-up, and then they basically became actors. | ||
| Yeah, but you look at the numbers... | ||
| You know, there's a hell of a lot of comics for every one of them that made it to that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Overwhelming. | ||
| But for some guys, that was like the thing that drove them crazy is they never got that call. | ||
| Like Richard Jenny, he was one. | ||
| I remember I saw Jenny in Montreal. | ||
| At the Comedy Works. | ||
| Murdering. | ||
| God, he was funny. | ||
| I mean, he was a beast on stage. | ||
| He was a beast. | ||
| I mean, you can see his specials and you kind of get it, but if you saw him in real life, you'd be like, fuck. | ||
| He's one of the most forgotten geniuses of stand-up comedy. | ||
| Yeah, he was a brilliant stand-up. | ||
| So good. | ||
| I saw him, speaking of which, he was talking about a Corvette salesman trying to sell him on options on a Corvette. | ||
| And he was talking about that in Montreal at the Comedy Works. | ||
| And I remember sitting in the back of the room and I remember knowing that he was bummed out because he couldn't get a sitcom. | ||
| He had that one... | ||
| Platypus Man. | ||
| Platypus Man, yeah. | ||
| And then he was in The Mask. | ||
| And Platypus Man, the HBO special, was one of the great one hours you'll ever see. | ||
| Like, if you can find it, it's one of the great one hours of comedy. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| But he was one of those guys that really wanted a special. | ||
| Or, excuse me, really wanted a television show. | ||
| Really wanted a show. | ||
| Wanted to be validated. | ||
| You know who I never understood, never got a show? | ||
| I mean, he's had shows but didn't have a sitcom? | ||
| Dom. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because he's such a natural character. | ||
| Well, he was on a sitcom with Damon for a while, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think for like half a season. | ||
| And he had the sports show on Comedy Central. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| That was funny. | ||
| The football show. | ||
| But it just seems like he's such a natural character just being Dom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck less than Dom Herrera. | ||
| God, that's true. | ||
| Dom Herrera, this is what he said to me. | ||
| He goes, I wish I was gay just so I could come out of the closet. | ||
| That's how little I give a fuck. | ||
| Saying I wish I was gay so I could tell you I'm gay, that is fucking hilarious. | ||
| I love watching him. | ||
| I love watching George Wallace. | ||
| Those guys are just masters of the art. | ||
| Just go on stage and just kill it effortlessly because... | ||
| It seems like George Wallace is back in Vegas. | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| Yeah, he went back last year. | ||
| He tried to do the road for a bit, and he's like, ah. | ||
| No, I think it was one of those. | ||
| I think they made him an offer he couldn't refuse. | ||
| I think it was one of those deals. | ||
| Well, he's got that great following in Vegas. | ||
| It was things that people would go when they were on vacation in Vegas. | ||
| They would go to see George Wallace. | ||
| Go to see George, absolutely. | ||
| Rita Rudner had that. | ||
| Carrot Top had that. | ||
| There's not a whole lot of residents in Vegas these days. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Not on that level where you're aware of it. | ||
| Carrot Top will always be there. | ||
| But it's a tricky one because if you commit to that, you give up all the road momentum. | ||
| Well, you've got to be able to market it. | ||
| I mean, that's where George was brilliant. | ||
| George figured out just what you said. | ||
| For people to go home and tell their friends, hey, when you go to Vegas, you've got to see George Robinson. | ||
| He figured that out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think it translates on the road anymore. | |
| No. | ||
| Again, you have to figure out how to build that. | ||
| And it takes time to build. | ||
| It doesn't build right away. | ||
| So you've got to be working with a place or working with a producer or somebody who's like, yeah, we're going to spend a year Building you as a destination show. | ||
| And you have to be willing to live in Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's something about that. | ||
| It's like you're almost in some weird purgatory. | ||
| If you can handle it, it's okay. | ||
| But if you've got a vice, if you have any vice, Vegas is going to find it and destroy you with it. | ||
| Whether it's gambling or pussy or... | ||
| I just worked with Mal. | ||
| Mal had this great joke over here in Vegas. | ||
| He said, Vegas is the only city you can watch someone become homeless. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you can watch them at the tables the night they become homeless. | |
| You just watch them. | ||
| Yeah, like your whole life is falling apart right now. | ||
| Yeah, I know, but this next role is going to be. | ||
| They will let you mortgage your fucking house. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| They're like, yeah, go ahead. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Another roll of the dice or a hand of cards? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Vegas is the only gig where they will pay you in advance. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Pay you the first night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want it? | ||
| Here's some money. | ||
| You want it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here you go. | |
| You'll be here tomorrow. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| We'll get that back from you. | ||
| If you win too much, they stop you from coming back. | ||
| Like Dana White from the UFC, he gets banned because he's really good at blackjack. | ||
| So he'll win like a million dollars in a night and they ban him from casinos. | ||
| Because they know who he is. | ||
| But they ban him because he's winning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what is this fucking, what you only play if you win, you piece of shit? | ||
| It's their game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| But that's ridiculous. | ||
| Their house. | ||
| But that's a ridiculous rule. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They should have to go under. | ||
| But they all, you know, it's like their rules and they're all in it together. | ||
| But that seems like rejecting service, you know? | ||
| I mean, it just seems like they shouldn't be able to do that. | ||
| And what's the sign you always see? | ||
| We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, so. | ||
| Where do you work when you do Vegas? | ||
| I do Brad Garrett's at the MGM. That's a great spot. | ||
| Love that room. | ||
| And I just did Kimmel's new club. | ||
| I heard that's a great spot too. | ||
| Beautiful club. | ||
| How is it? | ||
| Is that the Rio? | ||
| No, it's at the Link. | ||
| It's where that big Ferris wheel is. | ||
| They open like that Midway Strip. | ||
| It's on there. | ||
| Doesn't someone have something at the Rio, too? | ||
| Isn't that a new one? | ||
| Yeah, the Cellar. | ||
| Oh, that's at the Rio? | ||
| Yeah, the Cellar's at the Rio. | ||
| I heard that's great, too. | ||
| I heard that's great, too. | ||
| Vegas has, like, they have the Laugh Factory now? | ||
| It's comedies made, like, part of why when George left, he said one of the things was, like, for a long time, there weren't that many comedy shows. | ||
| He said, then suddenly every place had a comedy show, so that cuts into ticket sales. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| The Mirage is the shit. | ||
| That's my favorite spot. | ||
| I fucking love that room. | ||
| I used to do bigger rooms. | ||
| And even if I would sell out the bigger room, I'd be like, the fucking Mirage. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| So now I just do the Mirage. | ||
| I'm there all the time. | ||
| From where I'm standing, it's quality situations, Joe. | ||
| It's the best room, man. | ||
| It's like, I was watching, one time Joey Diaz was on stage, and I was in the back of the room. | ||
| And in the back of the room with the Mirage, it was crystal clear sound. | ||
| That works for comedy rooms, right? | ||
| You've got to be able to hear them and see them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody, I forget who it was, but it was a musician. | ||
| He said, the best room is when you can see everyone's eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he had done like big rock concerts and all that and he was like, yeah, if you can see everyone's eyes, you got a good room. | ||
| That's the Ice House. | ||
| Or like you said, Comedy Works, places like that where you can actually connect with everybody in there. | ||
| The Ice House is tough to fuck with. | ||
| That might be the best ever created room. | ||
| We used to say if you bomb, you should be allowed to go to the Ice House the next day just to get your confidence back, right? | ||
| Just because, like, oh man, I don't know if I could. | ||
| You could do it, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go to the Ice House. | |
| You could do it. | ||
| And then you walk out like, yeah, I can do this. | ||
| Do you know there's agents that won't accept tapes from the ice house because it's just too easy a room? | ||
| Yeah, it's because you do great. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| The ice house is great. | ||
| Comedy magic is pretty goddamn good. | ||
| Yeah, comedy magic is like, and you know, Mike and Richard, they're so nice to you. | ||
| Too nice. | ||
| It's confusing. | ||
| What are you planning? | ||
| Because now you've ruined people for anywhere else. | ||
| And they're food! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're food. | |
| They'll serve you a steak that you could get at a fucking steakhouse. | ||
| I had broken my wrist, right? | ||
| And now, I was living in Studio City, and this is in Hermosa Beach. | ||
| So to your listeners, that's 30 miles apart in LA traffic, hour and a half, hour at least, right? | ||
| Mike was like, you know, if you want, we can send a server to bring food to your house. | ||
| Like, Mike, I live in C. He's like, yeah, I know. | ||
| And he would have done it. | ||
| It's like, are you kidding me? | ||
| When I got kicked out of the comedy store in 2007, he reached out to my agent and said, we would love if Joe could work at the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| We support him. | ||
| We would never hire joke thieves. | ||
| And when we know that this is going down with him, we would love for him to come here. | ||
| Like, he's that nice of a guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a super nice guy. | ||
| And Richard, the manager, Richard still goes places to see comics to see if they're, you know, good for the club. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Like, nobody does that anymore. | ||
| Like, you... | ||
| Got videos. | ||
| It trickles down from the top, you know, that love and respect of the comedians and then just treating performers well. | ||
| And that's why all the old pros still work there. | ||
| And that's why, you know, Ray Romano and all that, like they still go there. | ||
| Leno's still there every Sunday because it's Like, yeah. | ||
| He still goes every Sunday? | ||
| Every Sunday. | ||
| That is crazy, because I know he kind of stopped for a while when he was not doing The Tonight Show anymore. | ||
| Yeah, he took a break, but yeah, he's still pretty regular there on Sundays. | ||
| I have not seen him on stage do stand-up ever. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I've only seen him on television. | ||
| As a matter of fact, we did a benefit together last year, and it was fun watching him work as the comic, because he was doing bits and all that, but he'll still tell a joke, but he's a really good joke teller, so he'll tell just a regular joke, but it's hilarious because it's so good. | ||
| In Montreal, I just did a gala and Howie Mandel hosted. | ||
| And it was so much fun watching Howie be a comic again. | ||
| Like Howie was doing, he was cracking on the crowd like during the commercials, like during the breaks. | ||
| He was just, and I was like, man, you could see that he was having fun being a comic. | ||
| Not being a TV guy, not being an AGT guy. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just being a stand-up comic. | ||
| That AGT gig is a great gig. | ||
| I'm sure he gets paid a lot of money. | ||
| But if you go back and listen to Howie Mandel in the 80s and the 90s when he was just doing stand-up, he was fucking brilliant, man. | ||
| He was brilliant. | ||
| A lot of those guys, you know, and women, those comics... | ||
| People don't realize how great a comic they had to be to get that job. | ||
| They're like, ah, he just does that. | ||
| Arsenio is like that. | ||
| I've seen people who see Arsenio do stand-up, and it's like, well, yeah, there was a reason he got the show. | ||
| They didn't just say, hey, man, that's a funny name. | ||
| Arsenio is a beast when he does stand-up. | ||
| Jay Leno is one of the weirdest cases, right? | ||
| Because he doesn't have a body of work. | ||
| Well, because he never recorded it. | ||
| He said he would never record it because then you sell it, then you can't do it anymore. | ||
| And they said, so he would just... | ||
| But yet he wrote jokes every week for The Tonight Show. | ||
| Like, hey, Jay, put your shit out there, buddy. | ||
| I mean, people don't know. | ||
| But then again, you know, what did he lose? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, he certainly didn't need the money. | ||
| I don't think Jay's ever like, man, I should have sold merch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| But it's a matter of people knowing how good he is, I would think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would think that people would want to know how good he was. | ||
| I guess he's comfortable where he's at, you know? | ||
| And people do, well, and also, you know, if you do go see him live, that is great that you get to see him and you get to enjoy it. | ||
| Nobody wears a jean shirt unless they're comfortable. | ||
| You gotta be. | ||
| You have to be. | ||
| Wear it every day. | ||
| There's no goddamn agenda there. | ||
| You got a uniform. | ||
| Yeah, he does have kind of a uniform. | ||
| Listen, Alonzo, I've got to wrap this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| You got an Amazon special. | ||
| It's out. | ||
| What's the day it's out? | ||
| August 23rd. | ||
| Heavy Lightweight. | ||
| Today's the 6th. | ||
| Let me know. | ||
| We'll tweet it. | ||
| We'll let everybody know. | ||
| And Heavy Lightweight on Amazon Prime. | ||
| Amazon Prime. | ||
| Stream it on your phone. | ||
| You can get it on everything. | ||
| Get it on everything. | ||
| You know something? | ||
| You go to Whole Foods and just watch it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| But what the hell? | ||
| He owns it, right? | ||
| Yeah, he owns it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, thanks for coming in, brother. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| Man, thank you, Joe. | ||
| Fear not, the new podcast, that's out there, too. | ||
| Man, I love you, honestly. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| This is so great. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And again, thanks for the love you give me even when I'm not here. | ||
| Anytime, man. | ||
| You know I love you. | ||
| And we're working tonight. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, improv tonight. | ||
| Improv tonight. |
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