Oct. 11, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:45:17
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Here we go. | ||
| Four, three, two, one. | ||
| Let's get the sound of this popping up. | ||
| I am at Chino Santino, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| He just popped open a maker's to taunt me during Sober October. | ||
| Let me hear that. | ||
| Let me hear that. | ||
| Let me hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that does sound lovely. | |
| I can't wait. | ||
| This one's for Fat Bert and for Ari. | ||
| 11. I have 20 days. | ||
| 20 days of sobriety. | ||
| That ain't shit. | ||
| I already did 11. But let me tell you something what I've learned from this. | ||
| This is what we were talking about before the podcast started. | ||
| You wanna hear me? | ||
| I'm gonna pour some coffee like an alcoholic. | ||
| Like it's a fucking AA meeting? | ||
| I need a cigar or a cigar. | ||
| Hey, I'm Joe. | ||
| Do we have cigars here? | ||
| Don't I have cigars here? | ||
| I do, right? | ||
| We should. | ||
| They're in one of these things? | ||
| In that humidor. | ||
| One of the things that I realized is that if you work out, like I'm working out, like fucking three hours a day, because I'm literally trying to kill Bert. | ||
| I want Bert to try to keep up with me. | ||
| You want him to die, though. | ||
| I'm trying to kill him. | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying to give him a heart attack. | ||
| Because you know what bothers me? | ||
| This is all weed, and there's mushrooms in here. | ||
| There's no cigars. | ||
| No cigars. | ||
| All good shit. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I might have taken him out of here. | ||
| A humidor. | ||
| We gotta get a huge humidor for you. | ||
| A humidor. | ||
| A humidor. | ||
| What I realized... | ||
| This is why I'm trying to kill Burt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He likes to pretend... | ||
| That he's in shape? | ||
| Yes, that his effort is spectacular. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| He likes to pretend that he can push himself. | ||
| That he's got this incredible will. | ||
| He's in last place, of course. | ||
| Yeah, dead last. | ||
| By quite a bit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I saw the points. | ||
| Like a thousand points. | ||
| It's really sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, he takes days off when everybody doesn't. | ||
| I took three days off when I went to Vegas. | ||
| I'm still in the lead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, I've seen his cooking show. | ||
| I know how he eats. | ||
| I've seen his fucking... | ||
| It's the booze, man. | ||
| Yeah, the booze, too. | ||
| His body, I mean, he's... | ||
| I love Bert, and this is one of the reasons why I'm trying to kill him. | ||
| I fucking hate him. | ||
| Let's fight Bert, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I want him to realize, like, this is not... | ||
| You're ten years younger than me, and you have to take high blood pressure medication. | ||
| This is all not good. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's not good. | ||
| You're doing something terrible to your body by drinking every night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You shouldn't do it. | ||
| What does he do, a bottle a night, you think? | ||
| He gets down, dude. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He gets down. | |
| He can drink. | ||
| He'll drink a whole box of wine. | ||
| One of those box wines. | ||
| He's a Franzia freak? | ||
| He's an animal, man. | ||
| He'll drink a whole Tito's. | ||
| Like a whole jug of Tito's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've seen that. | |
| I've seen that go down. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| He's freaking out. | ||
| He takes his shirt off. | ||
| No shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course he does. | |
| Oh my god, look at the belly. | ||
| Look at that fucking stomach. | ||
| Here's the thing, man. | ||
| Can he see his dick? | ||
| Do you think he sees his dick? | ||
| We can search for it. | ||
| Yeah, find it. | ||
| It's a hide-and-go dick. | ||
| Why is he taking his shirt off? | ||
| What's the deal? | ||
| This is a podcast. | ||
| I saw this. | ||
| Norton and him. | ||
| What was he saying on this? | ||
| He called his wife for something to ask something about sex and his kids were in the car. | ||
| Oh, his kids were in the car. | ||
| Oh, wonderful. | ||
| Yeah, and he panics. | ||
| He hasn't done that before. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Hammered. | ||
| But Tom lost all the weight when they had that weight loss challenge two years ago, not last year, the year before. | ||
| Yeah, but Segura looks good. | ||
| Segura never gained it back. | ||
| No, yeah, he stayed. | ||
| He actually lost a little. | ||
| He looks fucking fantastic. | ||
| He looks fantastic. | ||
| And he's in the hunt. | ||
| It's like Ari and him are just behind me. | ||
| Ari and him are neck and neck. | ||
| Ari's number two, and he's just behind Ari. | ||
| And then Segura's way... | ||
| I mean, then Bert is way behind everybody else. | ||
| But Ari needs to lose no weight. | ||
| Zero weight. | ||
| He's already thin as fuck. | ||
| He's down to 180 pounds. | ||
| He said for the first time in like decades. | ||
| What is he, 6'4"? | ||
| 3? | ||
| 4? | ||
| 6'4? | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| That's gotta be right. | ||
| But he looks great. | ||
| He's thin and healthy. | ||
| I mean, for a snarly Jewish guy, he looks good. | ||
| His face is bad, but his body looks good. | ||
| A little angry without the weed. | ||
| But I think that this is helping him. | ||
| And this is one of the things I was saying, is that I'm literally working out two, sometimes three hours a day. | ||
| You split it up, or you just do one full session? | ||
| Sometimes I just go ham. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I'll just go hard. | ||
| I'll just mix things up. | ||
| Like, I'll run, and then I'll come back from running, and I'll kickbox, and after I kickbox, I'll get on the elliptical machine, or I'll lift weights, and after I lift weights, and then I'll get on the fucking echo bike. | ||
| You know what the echo bike is, all those airdyne things? | ||
| And then I'll get on the VersaClimber, and then I'll get on the rowing machine, and I just do rounds. | ||
| When I can't row anymore, look at this fucking puddle I left behind. | ||
| This is a puddle on my elliptical machine. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| This was two hours on the elliptical machine. | ||
| I just wanted to see what's possible, and then how I felt the next day. | ||
| I felt fine. | ||
| The thing is, I work out a lot already, so now my body's just adjusting to a ramped up schedule. | ||
| Yeah, a higher level workout. | ||
| Whereas Ari doesn't work out at all. | ||
| He hasn't worked out in 10 plus years, so for him, this is a whole new thing. | ||
| But he's still second place. | ||
| It's his mind. | ||
| Ari's got a strong mind. | ||
| He's got a will. | ||
| And Segura's just going to finish somewhere in the middle? | ||
| Segura might win. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You think he'll come up? | ||
| He probably won't beat me. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's too much anger. | ||
| There should be something big, big on the line, though. | ||
| Yeah, there's nothing on the line. | ||
| We have a belt. | ||
| Yeah, there should be something big on the line. | ||
| We have to finalize that belt, Jamie. | ||
| Some good artwork, which we have some, but... | ||
| Yeah, folks, get at me on Instagram. | ||
| Use the hashtag, you know, use like at Joe Rogan, tag me, and if you win, I'll give you 500 bucks. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| People are scrambling for fucking pens right now. | ||
| Anybody who comes up with the best design, I'll give you 500 bucks. | ||
| If I don't choose anybody, nobody gets shit. | ||
| If you don't choose anybody, you burn the money. | ||
| That's what Joe's gonna do. | ||
| He's gonna burn it. | ||
| Yeah, we need it quick. | ||
| I have an artist that's trying to work on it, too. | ||
| So there's a run. | ||
| There's a mad run here. | ||
| But what I was gonna say is, all bullshit aside, jokes, and I do love Bernie, and I do love everybody else doing this, but all jokes aside, I have zero anxiety. | ||
| Zero worry, zero stress. | ||
| Like, when you burn your body out like that, do like two hours of working out a day, I don't give a fuck about anything. | ||
| Like, I'm in traffic, people cut me off. | ||
| I'm like, good luck, dick fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't give a fuck. | |
| Go ahead, cut me off, dickhead. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| I'm not angry. | ||
| Like, there's nothing. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Because your body's so burnt, you think you're just so fucking exhausted? | ||
| I think. | ||
| This is my feeling. | ||
| I feel a lot of those feelings that you have, whether it's anxiety or stress, it's just extra energy that your body has. | ||
| It's unnecessary. | ||
| It's unnecessary energy. | ||
| And it's just like your body's looking for trouble that isn't there, looking for danger that isn't there, looking for something that's going to steal your food or invade your village. | ||
| All that shit. | ||
| Who's going to kill my family? | ||
| Well, I think your body has to have a certain... | ||
| The way we were designed, right? | ||
| For all the years that we were running away from wild animals and other tribes and all that shit, I think your body and your brain have a certain amount on reserve, always looking for some sort of danger. | ||
| Like, you ever see a deer in the wild that's like... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Twitchy and move their ears. | ||
| Snapping around and shit. | ||
| Is that a mountain lion? | ||
| There's a mountain lion in my neighborhood, by the way. | ||
| There is? | ||
| Yeah, one of the neighbors spotted a mountain lion. | ||
| You got your fucking bow out? | ||
| Good luck shooting a mountain lion with a bow. | ||
| Be fun, though, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You'd have to... | ||
| The odds of you shooting a mountain... | ||
| Yeah, what is that that walks by that lady? | ||
| Is that a cat? | ||
| That's a fucking... | ||
| No, that's not a cat. | ||
| People said it was a mountain lion because of how its tail popped up. | ||
| It looks like a mountain lion. | ||
| But it's just way too casual walking by her. | ||
| She doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| She doesn't know what it is. | ||
| It definitely looks like a cat. | ||
| She thought it was a dog, huh? | ||
| It kind of looks like a dog. | ||
| It's just way too calm the way it walks by her. | ||
| That's not a wild cat. | ||
| I think that's a dog, man. | ||
| But it doesn't look like it. | ||
| A dog. | ||
| Maybe a mountain lion. | ||
| Made its debut. | ||
| Nobody knows what the fuck it is. | ||
| Terrifying! | ||
| Or not. | ||
| Even wildlife experts are looking at that video and they're like... | ||
| See, like, I'm not a wildlife expert, but I've seen a lot of wildlife. | ||
| The tail does not look right. | ||
| The tail looks like a cat. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Let's see it again. | ||
| The tail definitely looks like a cat. | ||
| It doesn't look like a dog tail. | ||
| It looks like a balancing tail. | ||
| Like, if you look at how it's walking... | ||
| I guess, yeah. | ||
| It's like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it kind of does look like a fucking cat tail. | ||
| Let me see it again. | ||
| Let me see it again. | ||
| That's a fucking dog, though. | ||
| It could be a dog. | ||
| You know how people trim their dog hair and they make their dogs look fucking stupid? | ||
| Yeah, but it's the way the tail looks, man. | ||
| It's like the tail. | ||
| It's holding its tail in the air. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| We checked the tracks and they were definitely dog tracks. | ||
| See, there we go. | ||
| So it's a dog. | ||
| It's a faggot dog. | ||
| It's my dog. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| I told myself I wasn't going to say the F word anymore and I did it. | ||
| It snuck out. | ||
| Talking about a dog. | ||
| It makes its way out. | ||
| I think this dog identifies as a cat. | ||
| I heard the dog identifies as a person now. | ||
| It wants to be called Kelvin. | ||
| That's its name. | ||
| Yeah, the dog says, I'm Kelvin. | ||
| Well, you have to respect its feelings. | ||
| It has every right to be whatever it wants to be, man. | ||
| Did you just assume that animals... | ||
| I fucked up. | ||
| I assumed it's identity. | ||
| It's identity? | ||
| Yeah, that's fucked up. | ||
| That's a big mistake on my part. | ||
| You got a lot of fucking nerve, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I do have a lot of nerve. | ||
| I'm fucking deeply embarrassed by myself. | ||
| You need to go to a support group for people who think that dogs are just dogs. | ||
| They're more than that. | ||
| Maybe it's not even a cat. | ||
| Maybe it's just a sentient being. | ||
| Maybe it identifies as like a sentient being. | ||
| It's just a being. | ||
| It's an orb of energy and light. | ||
| Not a dog. | ||
| Not a cat. | ||
| Just a thing that exists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe we don't have the right to define it. | ||
| You're goddamn right. | ||
| I mean, when you call something a cat, by whose judgment? | ||
| By human's judgment? | ||
| And that's a feminine word. | ||
| Cat. | ||
| Yeah, you say a cat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cat's a feminine word. | |
| The way you said it sounds feminine. | ||
| But what about Cool Cat? | ||
| Like, if you're a cool black guy, you're like, yeah, he's a cool cat. | ||
| Black people, their rules don't apply. | ||
| They don't use that anymore, do they? | ||
| Cool Cat, no. | ||
| Hardly anybody uses Cool Cat. | ||
| No one's saying Jive Turkey anymore, either. | ||
| Jive Turkey was fun, I bet, though, for a while. | ||
| Who do you think was the last guy to say Jive Turkey in all earnestness? | ||
| I think I saw a shitty movie in the 90s where a black comic used Jive Turkey. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Nick Cannon! | ||
| I saw a thing in Nick Cannon. | ||
| Look up Jive Turkey and Nick Cannon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he serious? | |
| Oh, dead serious. | ||
| He's cutting it out, Jive Turkey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, but he was probably being silly. | ||
| Nick Cannon's a comedian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With no loosest sense of the word. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He does stand-up comedy, doesn't he? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He had a stand-up comedy special. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, look at Jamie's smirk. | ||
| Yeah, Jamie's smirking. | ||
| His stand-up comedy special was called Stand Up, Don't Shoot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm dead serious. | ||
| It was called Stand Up, Don't Shoot. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And he wore a... | ||
| You know, he wears like a... | ||
| Space suit? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Cat outfit. | ||
| He wears like a fucking... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| One of them Indian headdress? | ||
| Muslim headwear. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| Doesn't he? | ||
| Just a hat. | ||
| No, no, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hijab? | |
| Hijab, hijab. | ||
| Yeah, he wears a hijab. | ||
| Yes, he does. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| No, that's a fucking knit cap. | ||
| I know, not, but look, Google Nick Cannon hijab. | ||
| He wears the shit. | ||
| Fucking, uh, Howard Stern was giving him shit about it forever because he was wearing it. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| It'll be, it'll come around. | ||
| Told you, bro. | ||
| He wears a turban. | ||
| Oh my, wait a minute. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Nick Cannon explains his reason for wearing a turban. | ||
| Get to that one, please, on Ellen. | ||
| I just don't have any breath in my body. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| What is his explanation? | ||
| I don't remember what he said it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did he say? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Some fucking bullshit. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| You know me. | ||
| I'm a conspiracy theorist. | ||
| I think the government did that. | ||
| They set her up. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| Mariah? | ||
| No, that was some bullshit. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Ellen 58 then asked Nick about Mariah's New Year's Eve televised performance that was marred by technical difficulties. | ||
| And he said, you know me, I'm a conspiracy theorist. | ||
| I think the government did that. | ||
| I think they set her up. | ||
| It was a distraction. | ||
| Oh, he's joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| See? | ||
| He said he was a comic. | ||
| That was hilarious, right? | ||
| That was so good. | ||
| That was very funny. | ||
| Why does he say? | ||
| I like his white Fonz jacket. | ||
| I've never seen a white one like that. | ||
| It's like an old-school motorcycle jacket, but it's white. | ||
| White guys can't wear white jackets, that's why. | ||
| Yeah, they can. | ||
| No, they can't. | ||
| Sure they can. | ||
| You can't wear a white leather jacket. | ||
| I can with hoop earrings. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| Big ol' Latina hoop earrings. | ||
| Yeah, I want to see you wear those. | ||
| And if I had hair, I'd wear braids. | ||
| That should be the bet. | ||
| You gotta wear a white leather jacket and hoop earrings if you lose. | ||
| The white guys, they don't seem to get called out for cornrows. | ||
| It's really, white girls can't wear cornrows. | ||
| Yeah, but do you see white guys with cornrows? | ||
| I don't ever see white guys with cornrows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Nick Cannon, weight gain. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with people? | ||
| Let the guy gain a little weight, you fucking idiots. | ||
| Worry about yourself. | ||
| The guy's got a pink turban. | ||
| What is his reasoning for the turban? | ||
| I can't... | ||
| That picture that I posted on my Instagram about the British-Iraqi... | ||
| Gender queer, whatever the fuck is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Quantum physics really helped me understand my queer identity. | ||
| I'm British, Iraqi, gay, non-binary, and identify as Muslim. | ||
| That is real. | ||
| By the way, this is a video. | ||
| If you go to, um, whose Instagram? | ||
| Oh, James Woods. | ||
| Posted it on his Twitter page. | ||
| If you go to James Woods Twitter page and he says is that that's Ali G, right? | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| That is funny. | ||
| Yeah, or that's Sasha. | ||
| This is Sasha Baron Cohen. | ||
| Yeah, if you go to his Twitter page and you find it from yesterday, that's where I saw it and There's an actual video that goes along with it. | ||
| Now. | ||
| Here's what's interesting when you listen to this person I don't want to Assume their gender. | ||
| No, just say this something. | ||
| It seems very intelligent. | ||
| Like a very intelligent person. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But, yeah, he posts a lot. | ||
| All James Woods does all day is just drink coffee and talk shit about liberals. | ||
| Keep going down. | ||
| Yeah, just keep going. | ||
| He's got some Kavanaugh mixed in. | ||
| He's got some fake news mixed in. | ||
| It's in there. | ||
| I like beer. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| I still like beer. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| It might be in there. | ||
| Was it a response to someone? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Go live. | ||
| Go large. | ||
| Go large on this. | ||
| Go large, go live. | ||
| And bring it to the beginning, because this is quite hilarious. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Bring it to the beginning. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My name is Amru Al-Kadi, or Glamru. | |
| Glamru. | ||
| I have an identity that you might categorize as intersectional. | ||
| I'm British-Iraqi, gay, non-binary, and also identify as Muslim. | ||
| The glitteriest makeup I've ever seen on any human. | ||
| I've ever seen on any human. | ||
| Quantum physics has helped him understand his queer identity. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Now listen. | ||
| She's a fucking space cadet. | ||
| The pictures are insane. | ||
| But listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...glorious sector physics that looks at the subatomic particles that govern our world. | |
| So, inside the neutrons, electrons and the protons, you're looking at the quarks, leptons, bosons and the Higgs. | ||
| Whereas classical Newtonian physics is obsessed with the universal formula that govern our reality, it's so fixed on resolute answers. | ||
| Quantum physics reveals that there is no fixed reality and it's full of beautiful contradictions. | ||
| Okay, so here's my point. | ||
| You can keep going on and watch this, but this is a very intelligent person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So why am I so dismissive? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why can't this person wear, like, if a woman was beautiful and she wore, like, a dark red lipstick, but she was talking brilliant science, I wouldn't have an issue with it. | ||
| So why do I have an issue with this glam-roo fella? | ||
| Glam-roo. | ||
| Fella-wom. | ||
| I'm glam-roo, Joe. | ||
| Why do I have an issue with the bright blue glittery lips, the literal rainbow-colored eyeshadow with glitter, the false eyelashes... | ||
| Is this Tekashi 6ix9ine? | ||
| Is this Tekashi 6ix9ine? | ||
| Here's my thing with this whole thing. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what you want to be, who you want to identify with. | ||
| I'm for real cool with all that shit. | ||
| I think this is like peacocking at its finest form. | ||
| This is calling for attention. | ||
| So the reason that we all are like... | ||
| And when they get mad, like, what are you looking at? | ||
| You know when someone's like, what are you looking at? | ||
| You're like, you! | ||
| You! | ||
| You fucking did this show for me to see. | ||
| Otherwise you'd stay in private and have your own life. | ||
| You want me to react. | ||
| But why do I like some of it? | ||
| Like, if there's a seven-year-old black dude and he's got like a red velvet suit on. | ||
| Well, he looks cool as shit. | ||
| Right? | ||
| With like a slick fedora. | ||
| And he's walking down the street with a fucking snakehead silver cane. | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, I look at that guy, I go, look at this cool motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's peacocking as well. | ||
| Yeah, but this is attention-grabbing because they want you to... | ||
| Okay, these people, the people who want to be larger than life that do things like this to express who they really are, that they want to have a discussion. | ||
| Whether or not they want to have true discourse, they want you to go, what is this? | ||
| What are you? | ||
| They want that. | ||
| And they also want to, quote-unquote, inform you or argue with you about who they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Their identity. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Their identity. | ||
| Yeah, but that's my whole thing. | ||
| Why can't you just be the thing you are? | ||
| You don't need to have so many fucking, look at that, nine labels. | ||
| I'm Iraqi, gay, British, Muslim. | ||
| It's like, dude, whatever. | ||
| You're glam-roo. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| Yeah, be glam-ru. | ||
| But I also, myself, I'm questioning my own judgmental nature. | ||
| You're saying, why do you prejudge? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why do I give a fuck? | |
| Why do I care? | ||
| Because it's outside of the realm of normalcy. | ||
| But what is normalcy? | ||
| These are pre-fucking normal dudes from normal standards of what's kind of the same thing you've seen for the past, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So we fit in the culture where we don't stand out, so we're not asking for additional attention. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a call to attention, a call to discussion. | ||
| And again, I don't have anything against this fucking person. | ||
| I don't know him. | ||
| I don't give a shit about him. | ||
| I just know that this is clearly for you to go, what the fuck? | ||
| That's why that is. | ||
| What if I was dressed exactly like this, but I had a thick rope chain with a star on it that had all diamonds? | ||
| You want me to say something about it. | ||
| That's why you wore that, right? | ||
| You'd want me to go, why the fuck are you wearing that shit? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why the fuck are you wearing that? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| In fact, it would be insane if I sat here the whole fucking interview and wasn't like, show, what the fuck is that? | ||
| Why do you have a star like the size of a Mercedes emblem all in diamonds? | ||
| And you'd be the asshole if you go, oh, what is this? | ||
| Do I have to fucking talk? | ||
| Do you have to know my identity with my... | ||
| This is a part of my culture, man. | ||
| Okay, well, explain it because I don't get it because it's not what I'm fucking used to. | ||
| Or, okay, how about a white guy who dresses like that but talks like he's not a white guy? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Well, dude, this guy, that's the guy I was talking about. | ||
| He's a great troll. | ||
| He's actually so good at it. | ||
| Do you think he really got pistol-whipped in Brooklyn and robbed, or do you think he did that to himself? | ||
| No, I think that was all a big fucking media push. | ||
| But I think he's a genius for doing it because it got him way more attention. | ||
| He might have got robbed, though. | ||
| I think this kid is actually very smart. | ||
| What did you say, Jamie? | ||
| He got his stuff back. | ||
| They took his chain and shit. | ||
| And they gave it back? | ||
| How do you get his stuff back? | ||
| Real thieves don't give shit back. | ||
| The chains go back sometimes. | ||
| What do you know about black culture? | ||
| Look at Jamie. | ||
| Jamie's all pretended. | ||
| Jamie's in the motherfucking streets. | ||
| Listen, guys, sometimes the chains come back. | ||
| I'm not saying how they get them back. | ||
| I didn't say they didn't pay for them back. | ||
| Guys, I'm on black Twitter. | ||
| You guys don't know. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| Jamie's like, my black friend Mark. | ||
| Guys, I went to the Drake concert. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| I got this. | ||
| I bought the Carter Five, fellas. | ||
| Listen up. | ||
| Jay-Z and Beyonce will no longer speak to Kanye and Kim Kardashian. | ||
| Fact. | ||
| According to the fucking fake news, bro. | ||
| Fake news. | ||
| No, it was just out yesterday. | ||
| Not really? | ||
| Yes, it was yesterday. | ||
| They publicly disavowed Kanye West and Kim Kardashian because of his position on Trump. | ||
| Jamie's gotta Google it. | ||
| I don't believe this. | ||
| Jamie, fastest one-handed typer in the fucking business. | ||
| Look at that, see? | ||
| It's over, bitch. | ||
| 22 hours ago. | ||
| Sever Ties, motherfucker. | ||
| The Daily Mail. | ||
| Sever Ties. | ||
| It's in hotnewhiphop.com. | ||
| Hot New Hip Hop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's on NME. What's NME? New media entertainment. | |
| Sever ties. | ||
| Sever ties. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| We sever ties, motherfucker. | ||
| We're not talking to you anymore. | ||
| You don't come to our champagne parties. | ||
| It's over, bitch. | ||
| This is why it matters, because people are waiting for that album to come out. | ||
| Watch the throne, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| It's just more press. | ||
| They have an album. | ||
| Yeah, a collab album. | ||
| Yeah, well, Jay-Z's probably like, I can't do it with this crazy motherfucker anymore. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what? | ||
| This whole thing with Kanye and this whole push about getting Kaepernick to have lunch with Trump, it's brilliant. | ||
| I think he used the whole platform of SNL just to get Trump to go, I love Kanye. | ||
| He wants Trump to be so in love with, Kanye wants Trump to love him so much that he's willing to actually take a meeting with someone he's been publicly shitting on for a year now. | ||
| All Trump has been doing is saying Kaepernick is a terrible representation of this country, a bad football player, a bad person. | ||
| He's been dumping, dumping, dumping. | ||
| And then Kanye is going to sucker him and twist his mind into thinking he should actually sit and have lunch with him. | ||
| I bet my life it'll happen. | ||
| That Trump will go, okay, I'll take a meeting because I love Kanye. | ||
| And it's just out of respect for Kanye. | ||
| So he'll get him and fucking Kaepernick in the room. | ||
| I swear to God, watch it happen. | ||
| I hope he does. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Donald Trump's not a cop. | ||
| He's not shooting black people. | ||
| The whole thing is bizarre. | ||
| Yeah, it makes no sense. | ||
| When Kaepernick is on his knees during the national anthem, that's bizarre too. | ||
| Because people are just there for a game. | ||
| I completely understand that you're disgusted by police brutality. | ||
| I think virtually everyone is. | ||
| And my take on it is... | ||
| It's, first of all, it's insanely difficult to be a police officer. | ||
| You have a lot of people that are police officers that have no business holding that job. | ||
| They're under extreme pressure. | ||
| A lot of them have PTSD. And a lot of them, they're bullies. | ||
| And they get into this position because they want to be the guy with the gun in charge. | ||
| And then they have an opportunity to pull that trigger, and they do, and they face repercussions because someone was filming it. | ||
| And I think that shit has happened from the beginning of time. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And there's a horrible film that we played where there was a guy... | ||
| I posted it on my Twitter. | ||
| It's fucking horrible. | ||
| Of a guy shooting a white guy who's crawling for his life. | ||
| He's telling the guy to crawl towards him. | ||
| Let me see your hands. | ||
| It's in Arizona. | ||
| And the guy's pants have fallen down. | ||
| He keeps reaching back to grab his pants. | ||
| And he goes, I will fucking shoot you if you grab your pants. | ||
| And the guy... | ||
| Is crawling and his pants start falling down. | ||
| He tries to grab his pants and the guy lights him up in the hallway of a hotel. | ||
| Yeah, fucked. | ||
| Just kills him. | ||
| Fucked. | ||
| Murdered him. | ||
| The guy was crying and begging for his life and the cop was making him crawl towards him. | ||
| Like, why the fuck would you ever make someone crawl towards you? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| And he's giving them all these confusing directions while he's in full riot gear holding a gun. | ||
| Apparently the guy had a fake pistol like a water pistol or a water gun and was holding it out the window and someone saw it and they said there's a guy with a gun so they came in there Ready to shoot somebody already, and then they see this guy, but the guy was clearly not a threat. | ||
| And this guy had already been in trouble for other police brutality, and then got kicked off the force. | ||
| He got acquitted, by the way. | ||
| With video. | ||
| Got acquitted. | ||
| He got acquitted of the murder. | ||
| Yes, acquitted. | ||
| He murdered this guy. | ||
| With the video. | ||
| With the video. | ||
| Got acquitted, and then afterwards got kicked off the force for something else he did. | ||
| So the guy was just an abusive guy. | ||
| It was a time bomb. | ||
| Yeah, he was just going off. | ||
| There's a lot of people like that. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And there's also some that are racist too. | ||
| It's not discounting racism. | ||
| There's some that are racist too. | ||
| But it's just a fucking insanely difficult job that no one respects or very few people respect. | ||
| And these people are in these situations every day where their life is in danger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And their whole brain is frazzled. | ||
| I'm friends with a lot of cops. | ||
| I know a lot of cops from jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I've got cops in my family. | ||
| I know a lot of cops from MMA. I know a lot. | ||
| I've known a lot of cops my whole life. | ||
| Like, my whole life, growing up. | ||
| My real dad was a cop. | ||
| I grew up, like, knowing cops when I was a kid, and then all through martial arts, knew cops. | ||
| Because cops are always taking martial arts to learn how to defend themselves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a fucking insane job, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| And every day, all day long, you're dealing with people that are committing crimes. | ||
| You're dealing with people that are lying. | ||
| You're dealing with people that are lying to you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You pull people over, they're lying. | ||
| Either they're drunk, they're on drugs, they got a body in the trunk. | ||
| It's just lies. | ||
| Everyone's lying. | ||
| Even a simple pullover is a lie. | ||
| You know how fast you were going? | ||
| Like, no, no, I think I was going on 42. What was I doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was I speaking? | |
| Was I going over? | ||
| I legitimately had a broken speedometer once, and the cop pulled me over, and I go, this is going to sound so fucking stupid. | ||
| My speedometer doesn't work. | ||
| And he's like, get that shit fixed. | ||
| I go, yeah, I should. | ||
| Yeah, I should. | ||
| Let me go. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| I'm white. | ||
| White dude. | ||
| White guy, and I was only 18 at the time. | ||
| A black dude, he's like, my speedometer's broken. | ||
| He's like, get out of the fucking car! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of the fucking car! | |
| Get out of the fucking car! | ||
| It's not even something to joke about. | ||
| I'm sad that you just joked about it. | ||
| No, but it is fucked up. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| It is fucked up, man. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Football players like Kaepernick, people like that, they kneel because they're using their platform. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I get that too. | ||
| Everyone should use their platform. | ||
| Here's my thing though. | ||
| Has that helped in any way? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| See, the problem is there's no... | ||
| Okay, the problem is if you said to Kaepernick, what's your end game? | ||
| To say stop all police violence is like such a vague, broad thing to go, yeah, just stop it. | ||
| It's like, well, that's not... | ||
| To have a dialogue about it is what's important, but the problem is they need to have... | ||
| There needs to be a bigger goal for why people are kneeling. | ||
| Because the conversation is already being had. | ||
| It's not like we're kneeling so we can talk about it. | ||
| Well, we're talking about it. | ||
| There needs to be some kind of an endgame, a goal, a point of... | ||
| I'm not saying it's achievable. | ||
| It's not necessarily going to happen, but you need... | ||
| You need something to get to. | ||
| Because otherwise, this is just going to be this weird turmoil between ultimately racist people. | ||
| Because truly, the people that are yelling about it, that are angry, I don't give a fuck if they take a knee. | ||
| Are they still going to play football? | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| Yeah, but ultimately the people that are like, you better stand up! | ||
| You better stand up! | ||
| But the thing is, it's for America. | ||
| The idea is that we're all on the same team. | ||
| I know, but this is a football game. | ||
| And if you don't want to support the team. | ||
| But why Neil, why then? | ||
| Just because people are paying attention, right? | ||
| That's exactly right, because all the eyeballs are on it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the idea about a nation, about everybody being on the team together, is that we're supposed to support these ideals that this song is about, I pledge of allegiance to the flag, all this jazz. | ||
| I mean, that's what we're doing, right? | ||
| I know, but I find it so odd that things have anything to do with one another. | ||
| I said it on stage one time that I was like, it's a game that has no bearing on the future of the United States of America. | ||
| You don't do that for anything else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't have a dinner party and play Monopoly and someone's like, we should say the Pledge of Allegiance. | ||
| It's one thing the UFC stopped that I really liked. | ||
| They wouldn't do the fucking National Anthem. | ||
| They're like, what are we doing? | ||
| We're here for cage fights. | ||
| These are just two men competing in a sport. | ||
| But it was a big thing with boxing, and it still is, I think. | ||
| Don't they still do the National Anthems before big boxing matches? | ||
| And it's boring. | ||
| It's miserable. | ||
| You see people sing, and it's when people do that thing with their voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
America! | |
| They try to make the news. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The land of the free! | |
| They do that shaky thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the home of the brave! | |
| That's the funny thing. | ||
| At any sporting event, in the middle of that home-up, that last stretch, there's always like 50,000 people going, It's a fucking America! | ||
| I think the crossover is so fucking silly. | ||
| We don't need to be singing about America at sporting events. | ||
| It doesn't have anything to do. | ||
| It doesn't have anything to do. | ||
| It should be about the sports. | ||
| The Olympics? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| That's what it's fucking about. | ||
| This is my country versus your country. | ||
| I have my own issues about the Olympics. | ||
| I know, but I'm just saying, I get the fucking national anthems at the Olympics. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| But this is just the Packers versus fucking the Buccaneers. | ||
| This has nothing to do with the bearing of American future. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Oh, well, the soldiers fought for your right to be able to play. | ||
| Soldiers fought for your right to be able to do fucking everything. | ||
| Do we have to say it before this podcast? | ||
| Right. | ||
| We should. | ||
| Okay, we should right now. | ||
| That's why there's a goddamn flag behind me, Chito Santino. | ||
| Goddamn American flag. | ||
| Yeah, but secretly the fans don't know that Joe hates the American flag. | ||
| Look what's on my phone, bitch. | ||
| Goddamn American flag on my lock screen, motherfucker. | ||
| This is trolling. | ||
| He's trolling. | ||
| Joe is actually Canadian. | ||
| Nobody knows that. | ||
| Joe's a Canadian. | ||
| Keep it down, bro. | ||
| The conspiracy Rogan theorists online like, is Joe actually born in Canada? | ||
| I've been doing Canadian propaganda on a sneak tip for years. | ||
| Toronto's a great city. | ||
| It's my favorite. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm looking at you with that makers and I'm kidding. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm loving every second of it. | ||
| This is like an ad for Against Sober October. | ||
| It's my birthday on Tuesday. | ||
| I'm not not drinking for October. | ||
| I get it, man. | ||
| Why should you? | ||
| Do you think you would do Sober October and take a day off for your birthday and then get back to sober and then owe a day at the end of the month? | ||
| Or start a day early? | ||
| I guess I could do it, but I don't know. | ||
| Jamie, what do you think? | ||
| I can't do it? | ||
| Do you think you would do Sober November? | ||
| What about Sober February? | ||
| It's only 28 days. | ||
| That's what's fucked up about Black History Month. | ||
| That is the shortest month. | ||
| The shortest month. | ||
| You say they gave them. | ||
| What if it was picked? | ||
| What if the NAACP picked it? | ||
| Doubt it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just white. | ||
| It's whitey. | ||
| White people being like, what's the shortest day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
White ass. | |
| Shortest month. | ||
| Crack ass. | ||
| Crack ass. | ||
| Fucking white, crusty-looking, baloney-stinking motherfuckers. | ||
| I wish there was a good slur for breeders. | ||
| You know, for straight people. | ||
| That, like, matched up with faggot? | ||
| Yeah, something like, uh... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Wouldn't it be good if they had one for us? | ||
| Normal. | ||
| So you could use it on yourself? | ||
| Normal. | ||
| You fucking normal. | ||
| You fucking... | ||
| Goddamn normies. | ||
| Basic is a pretty... | ||
| Basic ass bitch. | ||
| Basic fucking breeding ass. | ||
| Going out penis in vagina. | ||
| Putting dicks in pussies like fucking antiquated losers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fucking archaic monkeys. | ||
| Stupid ass sperm-soaking egg motherfuckers. | ||
| Look at this motherfucker. | ||
| What are you, coming inside of women, you fucking loser? | ||
| What are you doing, trying to make more people like yourself, you fucking idiot? | ||
| Fucking loser. | ||
| There should be a word. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about that thing that I put on my Instagram yesterday? | ||
| That you shouldn't say pregnant woman. | ||
| You shouldn't assume the gender of someone who's pregnant. | ||
| You were supposed to say pregnant someone? | ||
| People were like, that's a troll, right? | ||
| That's the onion. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| We are in the fucking Twilight Zone right now. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| People of all genders can become pregnant because people of all genders can have the reproductive organs to do so. | ||
| What in the holy fuck? | ||
| Instead of saying pregnant women, try using the phrase pregnant people. | ||
| Keep going down. | ||
| Because people of all genders can fall pregnant. | ||
| You can fall pregnant. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| Who the fuck falls pregnant? | ||
| I fell pregnant, Joe. | ||
| I've fallen pregnant because of you. | ||
| Well, people of all genders can fall pregnant. | ||
| Can you call in if you're a man? | ||
| Can you call in work and say, hey, I'm not going to be in today because I fell pregnant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do give maternity leave for guys, yeah. | |
| Oh, good. | ||
| I identify as pregnant. | ||
| I've just fallen pregnant. | ||
| I need to not come into work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| See, this is why this is a propaganda bullshit lie of getting us all on the same page of... | ||
| Not all genders can have reproductive organs. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Women can have reproductive organs. | ||
| This is really simple. | ||
| You can't fabricate them. | ||
| It is too easy to survive. | ||
| So people are coming up with all sorts of different kinds of conflicts that are not real. | ||
| I guarantee you, all those people that are doing this, they're not working out three hours a day. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Because they did. | ||
| They wouldn't be paying any attention to this shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's nonsense. | ||
| They'd be like, this is nonsense. | ||
| Instead of saying women are pregnant, say, instead of saying pregnant women, try using the phrase pregnant people. | ||
| Oh, well, they corrected themselves. | ||
| The post should say become pregnant instead of fall pregnant. | ||
| Thank you to our followers who pointed this out. | ||
| Oh, fuck you. | ||
| You wrote that yourself. | ||
| The language you use affects the people around you. | ||
| People of all genders can become pregnant because people of all genders can have the reproductive organs to do so. | ||
| When talking about pregnancy, try to use the language that is inclusive of people of all genders. | ||
| Well, there's 78 different genders now. | ||
| 79, Joe. | ||
| Don't be so fucking ignorant. | ||
| God damn it, dude. | ||
| I hate when I do that. | ||
| I hate when I misgender. | ||
| This kind of bullshit is due to boredom. | ||
| This is complete boredom. | ||
| Well, it's also weak pussies. | ||
| These people that are doing this, I guarantee you, if this is where you're looking for conflict, your fucking whole life is falling apart. | ||
| You're a mess. | ||
| This idea that you're proposing that people of all... | ||
| First of all, it's insulting to women. | ||
| It should be deeply insulting. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| That people of all genders can be pregnant. | ||
| The fuck they can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know how goddamn difficult it is for a woman? | ||
| Your wife hasn't been pregnant yet, but let me tell you something, man. | ||
| I've seen a lot of women pregnant. | ||
| It's rough! | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's hard! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Women get pregnant, and it's hard for them. | ||
| Yep, that's who gets pregnant. | ||
| It's fucking difficult. | ||
| Their whole body goes through these crazy hormonal changes. | ||
| They gain a shit ton of weight. | ||
| They get insecure. | ||
| They have crazy mood swings. | ||
| You have chemicals in their brain changes. | ||
| They're subject to postpartum depression where they get suicidal. | ||
| It happens in a lot of women. | ||
| The idea that all genders... | ||
| All genders... | ||
| No. | ||
| Bullshit! | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| Lies! | ||
| Biology, motherfucker! | ||
| You fucking liars! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Science! | |
| There's only one gender that can become pregnant and it's a woman. | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| That's a woman and that's the end of the discussion. | ||
| It's not an argument. | ||
| There's this new way of talking about things that's filled with nonsense. | ||
| This is where the fascism lies. | ||
| They want you to adhere to their rules. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| And if you don't, you're a piece of shit. | ||
| They shame you. | ||
| They try to go after you. | ||
| Fucking asshole. | ||
| But what they are saying is literally against science. | ||
| It's not scientific. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| Now, if you want to tell me that some people like to identify as a woman and you should talk to them as a woman and give them a woman's name, sure. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I don't care that you think you. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| Listen, that's my whole thing. | ||
| If you say to me, I'm not a man, I'm a woman, I'll go, good for you. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I don't have any problem with- I identify as a woman. | ||
| Great, fine. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what you- That's fine. | ||
| But you can't stand there and tell me that anybody other than a woman can get pregnant and have a child. | ||
| Now we're talking about fake semantics. | ||
| That's phony shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You've made that up. | ||
| It's also idiots. | ||
| It's all these weak people. | ||
| These weak-minded, the way I describe the lady who tried to bring a fucking emotional support squirrel. | ||
| On the airplane? | ||
| What airline was it, by the way? | ||
| Frontier. | ||
| Oh, I was hoping for Spirit. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Kanye talks prison reform with Trump. | ||
| They had lunch. | ||
| Okay, play this. | ||
| I thought this was live. | ||
| Play this, please. | ||
| Let's hear some volume here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And make more money. | |
| That's one thing. | ||
| I've never stepped into a situation where I didn't make people more money. | ||
| So we can empower pharmaceuticals. | ||
| We can empower our industry. | ||
| Donald nodding! | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wisconsin. | |
| I love Wisconsin. | ||
| One of the things we gotta set is Ford to have the highest design. | ||
| The dopest cars. | ||
| The most amazing. | ||
| I don't really say dope. | ||
| I don't say negative words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We just say positive, lovely, divine, universal words. | |
| Okay, stop. | ||
| I'm getting stupid. | ||
| Just listen to this. | ||
| Listen, you dumb motherfucker. | ||
| Ford makes dope cars. | ||
| Why is he on this shit? | ||
| You ever see a goddamn Mustang GT350R? That's a dope car. | ||
| Jamie, post up a picture of a Mustang, Shelby Mustang GT350R. Quickly. | ||
| Quickly. | ||
| While the taste of that stupidity is still in my fucking brain. | ||
| Give me a photo. | ||
| The new... | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| That's America right there. | ||
| You tell me that's not dope, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Top left, top left. | ||
| The one there, right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| That's bad as fuck. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| You know what I got? | ||
| I got to drive the Raptor, the F-150 Raptor. | ||
| That thing is fun as fuck. | ||
| How about drive the Ford GT? The one that John Cena's just sold for $1.3 million. | ||
| Pull up John Cena's Ford GT. You don't think that's dope? | ||
| Well, I'm not talking to you anymore because our fucking conversation's over. | ||
| Not with the doors up like an asshole at a fucking mall. | ||
| Not with the doors up. | ||
| Jamie! | ||
| That's what I'm looking at. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Look how fucking dope that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right there. | |
| Go big. | ||
| If that's not dope, Kanye! | ||
| I don't know what's dope. | ||
| What are you going to teach the people at Ford how to design cars? | ||
| Shut the fuck up and make your shitty slides. | ||
| Positive words, divine. | ||
| Make your slides that are too short or these goddamn Yeezys that Jamie bought for me that I will never wear. | ||
| Or show Joe. | ||
| Joe's never seen that video with the little pump, right? | ||
| I don't know! | ||
| No! | ||
| Show him the picture of it. | ||
| I didn't bring it up. | ||
| No! | ||
| Show him the picture. | ||
| Jamie, show him the picture. | ||
| Were they wearing the big suits? | ||
| Yeah, I saw the box. | ||
| It's like they're wearing refrigerator boxes. | ||
| Okay, so I'm just saying, this guy's trying to tell us about being dope. | ||
| This is his music video. | ||
| Look at that fucking car. | ||
| You don't think that's dope? | ||
| That might be the dopest car the world has ever known, motherfucker. | ||
| It's slick as fuck. | ||
| Pull up black Ford GT with red stripes. | ||
| This might be the most beautiful car I've ever... | ||
| Okay, let me rephrase this. | ||
| Most beautiful modern car I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah, it's a sexy fucking car. | ||
| Who's that, Jay? | ||
| Look at that fucking thing, man. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Good googly. | ||
| What a beast of a fucking automobile, Kanye. | ||
| That is fucking cold as ice. | ||
| I think he was just saying to make them here. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Jamie, goddammit. | ||
| You shut the fuck up. | ||
| You shut the fuck up. | ||
| It's all so stupid. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| Why is he listening to Kanye West? | ||
| Give him a spelling bee first. | ||
| Give him a spelling bee and then say, listen, if you can get... | ||
| 10 out of 20 words correctly, without using the red squiggly line on your phone. | ||
| The fact that Donald's nodding at him is just like, I know, I know, Wisconsin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's sitting there going, Freud should be doper. | |
| He's probably sitting there going, how the fuck did I get to this position where I'm in the Oval Office listening to a guy? | ||
| Because he wanted to see Kim Kardashian so mad he was like, I'll let this motherfucker come back. | ||
| Look at his face! | ||
| Look at Donald's face! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Imagine these photographers have like, man, they've been in such important rooms, and they're like, now I'm here. | ||
| But see, the Kanye thing is like, they just let him rant about shit. | ||
| And no one goes, wait, what? | ||
| He needs to take his fucking meds. | ||
| He's not taking his fucking meds. | ||
| He even said that he stopped taking meds, right, Jamie? | ||
| Isn't that the whole thing? | ||
| It's like, yeah, take your fucking meds, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Level out. | |
| Well, the meds made him gain a ton of weight, and he looked really fucking spaced out. | ||
| Did you ever see Fat Kanye? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a poll picker of Fat Kanye with the meds. | ||
| So what happened was, after he gave his support for Donald Trump, he said, I didn't vote, but if I voted, I would have voted on Trump. | ||
| Look how big he got. | ||
| They loaded him up with pills, and when they loaded him up with pills, he vanished for a while, canceled his tour. | ||
| He was, like, having a fucking serious nervous breakdown, and he got big fat. | ||
| That's when he was on the pills. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but I bet you he was mentally fucking stable. | ||
| I'd rather be fat and stable. | ||
| This is what I think, because of Sober October. | ||
| I think he just needs to work out. | ||
| See, I was just going to say, I don't think that's a part of his lifestyle. | ||
| I think his lifestyle is so... | ||
| Well, that's not true, because one of my friends was his trainer. | ||
| So he does work out. | ||
| He had a trainer for a while. | ||
| See, I feel like he doesn't... | ||
| He seems like a guy that just doesn't have the... | ||
| He had a trainer. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's when he lost weight after all this bullshit. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| He had a trainer... | ||
| I want to say my friend was doing it like six or seven years ago. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, I don't want to disclose any trainer-client confidential shit, but he was working out. | ||
| He was working out. | ||
| But the point is, look, the guy's fucking obviously a little loony, but that's also why he's so fucking creative. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's why his music's so good. | ||
| I mean, I don't think you have to be completely normal. | ||
| Look, most of my best friends are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| You're not fucking normal. | ||
| I'm not normal. | ||
| I've got real problems. | ||
| Yeah, we all do. | ||
| Well, we all do. | ||
| Anybody that's good at something does. | ||
| But I also have a lot of self-examination, and that's what he's lacking. | ||
| Yeah, self-awareness. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I examine the things that I think and say and how I interact with people, and I don't always get it right. | ||
| But when I see him doing that, holding court in front of the President of the United States with a MAGA hat on, like in front of all these fucking people taking pictures of him, I'm like, this is preposterous. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I don't use words like dope because I try to use only positive like lovely. | ||
| Dope is positive! | ||
| Divine. | ||
| It's dope. | ||
| Like you sent me a text and I sent you a text. | ||
| Let's do 10 a.m. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Plus. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| It's not negative. | ||
| Next time you text me, I'm going to go divine. | ||
| Yeah, when I saw your car, I was like, dude, that's a dope car. | ||
| It's divine, Joe. | ||
| Oh, it's lovely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's lovely. | |
| It's positive, don't you? | ||
| It's wonderful. | ||
| It's wonderful. | ||
| I've said wonderful a few times in all earnesty, and I always feel like an asshole. | ||
| Wonderful. | ||
| Well, you sound like a bitch a little bit. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Hey, how was that thing you did yesterday? | ||
| It was wonderful. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It was wonderful. | ||
| Would you swallow cocks all the time? | ||
| It's one of those words that you use when you're hanging around with actors. | ||
| Oh my god, wonderful. | ||
| It was a wonderful performance. | ||
| Especially when you're talking about a woman. | ||
| She was exquisite. | ||
| Wonderful. | ||
| Her performance was so wonderful. | ||
| You know the word that I hate? | ||
| I'm a big supporter of women. | ||
| I hate brilliant. | ||
| In the actor community, people say brilliant. | ||
| It bothers me so much. | ||
| When they go, oh my god, just brilliant. | ||
| Unless it's brilliant. | ||
| Yeah, but the rarity of that word, it should be used so less. | ||
| But you go see Roger Waters at the Hollywood Bowl and you're like, fuck, it was brilliant. | ||
| Big difference. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That is brilliant. | ||
| But that's decades of hard work and talent and so many things coming together to make... | ||
| I watched him do The Wall here, what, three years ago at Staples Center? | ||
| And I was... | ||
| Sober-ish. | ||
| Let's just say that. | ||
| I was sober-ish. | ||
| I was micro-dosing and I was sober-ish. | ||
| Yeah, it was ish. | ||
| I wasn't like lit up, but I was like in a good space. | ||
| It was maybe one of the most incredible visual things, visual concerts I've ever seen in my fucking life. | ||
| To watch them. | ||
| You ever seen that? | ||
| They build the wall on stage as he's performing and they tear it down in the middle of it all. | ||
| It was visually one of the most stunning concerts I've ever been a part of. | ||
| To watch them make... | ||
| It's not just a band playing. | ||
| It was them making visual art while he was telling this story through music. | ||
| And I was like, this is why I'll pay hundreds of dollars to watch somebody. | ||
| Not just to hear fucking Tom Petty wail out. | ||
| Those tickets are the same amount of money, but you don't get the show. | ||
| With Waters, you get this fucking visual experience. | ||
| He's incredible, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a lot of crazy anti-Trump shit at his concerts too, right? | ||
| With pig heads and shit. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of government shit. | ||
| Yeah, he gets into a lot of that bullshit. | ||
| But I mean, it's visually stunning as fuck. | ||
| Do you think he's nuts? | ||
| Yeah, beautifully nuts. | ||
| Right, because he's so... | ||
| That's what I was saying. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's beautifully insane. | ||
| He has to be crazy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, look at all these airplanes flying overhead and all this... | ||
| Yeah, they float big pigs over you that drop propaganda notes and shit. | ||
| It's dope as fuck. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| It's dope. | ||
| It is dope. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Visually, it's fucking just unbelievably beautiful, man. | ||
| So is the... | ||
| Jamie, you're a part of black Twitter. | ||
| Is the black community abandoning Kanye and there are only white people accepting him now? | ||
| That's... | ||
| Jamie, you're black. | ||
| So I see a lot of the alt-white people. | ||
| Excuse me, alt-right. | ||
| Can you say alt-white? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| What's alt-white? | ||
| Jamie's part of the alt-black community. | ||
| Let's make alt-white. | ||
| Let's make that. | ||
| Let's define it right now. | ||
| What's alt-white? | ||
| What would you call alt-white? | ||
| Alt-white would be not alt-right yet. | ||
| They're not there yet. | ||
| Alt-white is alt- The batter's box? | ||
| Yeah, they're like on their way. | ||
| They're next up. | ||
| What's alt-white? | ||
| What would you call alt-white? | ||
| Give me an example of a person who's alt-white. | ||
| Who's a good alt-whiter? | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| The fucking Dilbert guy. | ||
| Scott Adams. | ||
| He's alt-white. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Because he's not alt-right, right? | ||
| He's a really brilliant guy, but he's like sort of... | ||
| Oh, the comic strip? | ||
| Seems like, yeah. | ||
| Seems like he had, and I like the guy a lot, but it seems like he had these ideas about Trump and now he's always just trying to defend them with some sort of circular logic and weird phrasing and Yeah. | ||
| He's a super smart guy, but he never says a single negative thing about Trump. | ||
| It's always, well, he's a brilliant negotiator, and what he's doing is strategy, and he's very persuasive, and I'm like, yeah, is he? | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| Or is he just flying by the seat of his pants because he's a fucking maniac, and are you just trying to justify all the other shit that you've said about him that's really good? | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| Because that's what it seems like to me. | ||
| And I like Scott Adams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| He's alt-white. | ||
| Alt-white. | ||
| They dance on this line of like... | ||
| Not offensive. | ||
| I'd have him over my house. | ||
| I'd have dinner with him. | ||
| Wonderful guy. | ||
| He's more into those positions than he wants to probably admit. | ||
| But from a surface level, he's like, no, you know, like... | ||
| What positions? | ||
| Doggy style? | ||
| Alt-right position. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Mission. | ||
| How do you think alt-white people fuck? | ||
| They don't fuck. | ||
| They stand up in the shower. | ||
| They do this the whole time they fuck. | ||
| If you do that, if you fuck with one hand up like Hitler, but that hand is touching the glass in the shower, is that racist? | ||
| That's alt-white fucking. | ||
| This is alt-white fucking. | ||
| I think there's a lot of alt-whites out there. | ||
| Let's figure out who is alt-white. | ||
| What do you call alt-white? | ||
| Who's my best example of an alt-white person that I know? | ||
| Okay, like one of them hot broads that's always talking about white people issues. | ||
| Is Tommy Lahren alt-alt-white? | ||
| Yeah, she's alt-white. | ||
| Yeah, alt-white. | ||
| Not alt-right, but alt-white. | ||
| Because you know what's so clever about that fucking chick? | ||
| What? | ||
| She did an interview with that Trevor Noah kid on... | ||
| What? | ||
| The Daily Show? | ||
| And then afterwards they hung out, and the paparazzi, I picture them smiling and hugging and all shit, you know, in the streets, because Hollywood is fake as fuck. | ||
| Like, she does this game, but it's like, she's not fucking racist. | ||
| She doesn't hate people of color. | ||
| She likes to take these- She's provocative. | ||
| She's provocative. | ||
| She likes to take conservative stances. | ||
| Well, that's what they say about Ann Coulter, that if you talk to Ann Coulter, she's actually a lovely person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Well, look at it like this. | ||
| There's a map. | ||
| You can bring it up. | ||
| Jamie, bring it up. | ||
| There's a map of categorical porn percentages in the United States, and the highest percentage of white and black porn is in the South, is in like the Bible Belt. | ||
| I used to have a bit about it. | ||
| You did? | ||
| But I had to stop doing it because I dropped the N-bomb a bunch of times in the bit. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| I can see how that didn't go over as well, though. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| Or it didn't. | ||
| Either it crushed, or it was dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or after the show, Joe had to sneak out fast. | ||
| No, it was like in the Bible Belt, there is a chunk of the highest amount of black dudes fucking white, like black on white porn, is in the most conservative parts of the country. | ||
| Well, my take on it was that it wasn't black guys that were watching this. | ||
| Of course not! | ||
| No, it's fucking white dudes that wish they're right. | ||
| Yeah, fucking black. | ||
| I don't want some big black dick in my wife. | ||
| Don't you put it in her ass. | ||
| Don't you do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thin skin, veiny black penis and my wife, that chocolate fucking stick. | |
| Sleppery, dark, cocoa snake. | ||
| Thick, pocky stick and my wife. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's all this fucking racial suppression. | ||
| Those people that play the game, that's alt-white. | ||
| That's alt-white. | ||
| They're not all the way, but there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Most searched for terms in the United States. | ||
| Lesbian. | ||
| Texas is all lesbian. | ||
| California. | ||
| We're all lesbian. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Step-sister? | |
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| Scan back in again so I can see the actual title of this. | ||
| The most searched for terms in the United States. | ||
| And this is according to Pornhub, huh? | ||
| Montana and Colorado. | ||
| What is up on top? | ||
| Is that Michigan? | ||
| What are those states? | ||
| Stepsister is Minnesota, right? | ||
| That's Minnesota. | ||
| What is the other two that are together? | ||
| That's North and South Dakota. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Isn't that Wyoming? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Which one's Wyoming? | ||
| Guys, that's Wyoming and Montana. | ||
| Wyoming's the square? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is Wyoming the only one that's perfect? | ||
| There's two states that are perfectly square. | ||
| How'd they pull that off? | ||
| Colorado. | ||
| Colorado's perfectly square, and so is Wyoming? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, New Mexico almost had it. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Like, how jealous must, like, Massachusetts be with this goofy-ass shape? | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| Fuck everybody. | ||
| Fuck all that Rhode Island and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about Florida? | |
| Florida's built like a dick, and they gotta look at Colorado and go, Colorado's like a perfect square. | ||
| Florida's the dingleberry of the United States. | ||
| And Texas is just chaos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Texas is just, we are whatever the fuck we are. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| It's a boot. | ||
| We're a boot. | ||
| We're whatever the fuck we want to be. | ||
| So Louisiana is... | ||
| Okay, so... | ||
| I like one state. | ||
| It's black. | ||
| Yeah, where... | ||
| What state's that? | ||
| Ebony. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Louisiana. | ||
| Louisiana, black. | ||
| Alaska, stepmom. | ||
| Georgia's black. | ||
| Hawaii, Asian. | ||
| This isn't the map that I was thinking of, though. | ||
| There is another one where it was like... | ||
| That it said black on white porn. | ||
| How recent is this? | ||
| Look at Rhode Island. | ||
| Don't go away. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Googling for yourself, motherfucker? | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Look at MILF. Where's MILF? One state, like Rhode Island. | ||
| Oh, it is Rhode Island. | ||
| Scroll back there. | ||
| Keep it right there. | ||
| Don't move. | ||
| Oh, that is Rhode Island. | ||
| Look at MILF. Stepsister is Maine. | ||
| Maine's got that stepsister shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| New Hampshire's cartoon? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| There's three cartoon states. | ||
| Four? | ||
| Well, that's Arkansas and Tennessee are cartoon. | ||
| Oh, there are two. | ||
| Those are two states there. | ||
| That looks like one state. | ||
| But this also gives me a little bit of hope because, Joe, you've come from Massachusetts, was still lesbian, and now you're still lesbian. | ||
| I'm Chicago. | ||
| We were always lesbian. | ||
| I feel really good about my consistency of my pornography state category. | ||
| It's amazing how many are searching for lesbians more than anything. | ||
| And look at Alaska. | ||
| Stepmom. | ||
| She was babysitting me while my dad was moosefucking. | ||
| Hawaii, though. | ||
| Asian. | ||
| Yeah, we haven't talked about that. | ||
| Yeah, Asian. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| How about Ebony? | ||
| It's only one state. | ||
| No, three states. | ||
| No, one, two, three. | ||
| Ebony. | ||
| I like that term, too. | ||
| Ebony. | ||
| Ebony. | ||
| Why does it say ebony want to say black? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| People type in black, huh? | ||
| And they type in ebony. | ||
| Yeah, they only type in black in one state because they don't know what ebony means down there. | ||
| Okay, Joe. | ||
| This is proving what we're saying. | ||
| This is proving what we're saying. | ||
| You know who's searching for ebony in Georgia and in... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Stop moving this. | ||
| Go. | ||
| Zoom in. | ||
| Zoom in. | ||
| This is a fundamental difference. | ||
| So ebony down there in Georgia and in, what is that, Mississippi? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| The reason that those are ebony and Louisiana's black is because ebony is searched by black people. | ||
| Black is searched by white people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| That's for sure, 100%. | ||
| Oh, you're right, 100%. | ||
| That's categorically, ebony is a black person typing, black is a bunch of white dudes being like, give me a black porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Some chocolate, big old chocolate tits. | ||
| So what is that other ebony up top, Jamie? | ||
| What is the other ebony on the right-hand side? | ||
| What state is that? | ||
| Delaware. | ||
| Oh, Delaware. | ||
| I forgot Delaware's a state. | ||
| That's one of those states where you're like, that's a state? | ||
| How do we still... | ||
| They can't just get absorbed by another state? | ||
| What is surrounding Delaware? | ||
| What's next to Delaware? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maryland. | |
| Maryland, that's right, yeah. | ||
| I always fucking forget about Maryland. | ||
| Maryland's all about the lesbians. | ||
| So wait a minute, they're ebony, huh? | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| Go back to the scroll. | ||
| Go back to the sides that it was before so we can read it all. | ||
| MILF is only one state. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That is Rhode Island, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That little tiny-ass, bitch-ass state? | ||
| Bitch-ass state. | ||
| How many Rhode Islands are in Texas? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| There's dudes who own a Rhode Island in Texas. | ||
| In Texas. | ||
| They own multiple Rhode Islands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Do you know there's like 8,000 ranches or something like that in Texas? | ||
| 8,000? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thousands of ranches. | ||
| That's absurd. | ||
| Just giant fucking ranches. | ||
| There might be more, because I was watching this on a television show, and I think it was an older television show. | ||
| Number of ranches in Texas. | ||
| Oh, it's ranchers. | ||
| 248,000 ranchers, ranches. | ||
| 248,000 farms and ranches, covering 130 million acres. | ||
| 248,000 farms and ranches. | ||
| I want... | ||
| Look at the commodities. | ||
| It's all cows, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you define the difference between a farm and a ranch? | |
| That's actually extremely interesting. | ||
| I've always thought them to be the same thing. | ||
| Isn't a ranch a farm? | ||
| I guess I don't know shit. | ||
| Go back up again, please. | ||
| Stop scrolling. | ||
| 248,000 farms and ranches covering 130.2 million acres. | ||
| Texas is big as fuck. | ||
| Texas has more women and minority farm operators than any other state in the nation. | ||
| There you go, Texas. | ||
| Powerful Texas with diversity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| Go down for one second real quick, just a little bit. | ||
| There's the thing that said, America's biggest ranch goes on sale for $725 million. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Click on that and see how many fucking... | ||
| What is that fucking place? | ||
| 10,000 acres of land. | ||
| $525. | ||
| 110,000 acres. | ||
| 510,000 acres of land. | ||
| Oh, fuck me. | ||
| 7,500 cows. | ||
| Look at the size of that fucking place. | ||
| 510,000 acres. | ||
| This is the kind of money that makes fun of Jay-Z. You know, like in America, we're like, Jay-Z's rich. | ||
| These fucking people are rich. | ||
| This is wealth. | ||
| This is like pure wealth. | ||
| Scroll back up to that building. | ||
| Look at that old school stone building on the property. | ||
| I have a friend who was at a ranch in Texas, and they found petroglyphs in a cave. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, petroglyphs. | ||
| Like, ancient Native American petroglyphs of an unknown origin. | ||
| They don't know who did it. | ||
| And I was like, well, don't they have historians come here and rope that off? | ||
| Like, they got a lot of it here. | ||
| It's all over the place. | ||
| They don't even pay attention to it. | ||
| I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| They just don't bother with it? | ||
| Ancient petroglyphs. | ||
| Click on that upper left-hand corner, the one you just had. | ||
| Is that New Mexico? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they have them all over the Southwest. | ||
| I mean, it's all over. | ||
| Yeah, it's Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, everywhere. | ||
| But the thing is, no one's curating them. | ||
| No one's taking care of them. | ||
| They just exist on this ranch. | ||
| And the ranch was a hunting ranch. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| And they took pictures of them. | ||
| Where is that, Jamie? | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
| My friend Steve Rinella, whose new show, Meat Eater, is now only on Netflix. | ||
| It's a hunting show that's on Netflix. | ||
| An intelligent, really well-narrated hunting show that's done and produced by a brilliant guy, my friend Steve Rinella. | ||
| But he was in Guyana, which was where Jonestown was, where he fucking killed all those people with Jim Jones with Kool-Aid. | ||
| And they found these petroglyphs on a rock They were like, who made these? | ||
| Like, no one has any idea. | ||
| It's like right by this waterfall. | ||
| No one has any idea. | ||
| It's a fascinating series. | ||
| He's in Guyana, living with these indigenous people and fishing in these rivers for like three days. | ||
| They just live, and it's three episodes. | ||
| They camp out by this river. | ||
| And use these traditional methods of hunting that these people have used for thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| But now they're wearing Under Armour t-shirts and shit. | ||
| They're still barefoot. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| That's so weird, yeah. | ||
| It's like this weird merging. | ||
| Like Tom's shoes, but also... | ||
| They don't wear any shoes, man. | ||
| No, nothing. | ||
| No one wears shoes anywhere. | ||
| But they get all the old shirts and all that stuff. | ||
| They get clothes from Salvation Army. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| So they're wearing this... | ||
| These things from Western civilization, and Steve's got these modern Hoyt bow, and they're bow fishing in the river for these things called a paku, which is this brilliant red fish, this beautiful red fish. | ||
| The whole scene is like so crazy. | ||
| It's like a combination of Western civilization, you know, because they've got like some Western stuff mixed in with this culture that really hasn't changed that much in thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| But then they find these petroglyphs that are by this waterfall and they don't know any... | ||
| He's like, where do you think these came from? | ||
| He's like, we don't know. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| They call them like the ancients. | ||
| The ancients wrote it. | ||
| They don't even know who the fuck they are. | ||
| So it could be thousands and thousands of years old. | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
| People drew these weird faces by this waterfall and no one's curating it. | ||
| It just is what it is. | ||
| It's like really priceless history. | ||
| It's just sitting there. | ||
| Also there where they hang out. | ||
| Yeah, just sitting there. | ||
| I mean, that's kind of like when I was in Italy. | ||
| It's kind of like... | ||
| Walking by these ancient structures, and you're like, that's just like a part of your fucking life. | ||
| That is also strange to me. | ||
| Dude, I was in, we showed some photos the other day. | ||
| It was in Rovello, and there was a church. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you were there right after me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a church that was a thousand years old, that was on top of a church that was far older. | ||
| They don't even know how old that church was. | ||
| And there was a glass floor where you could look under the church and see the ancient church that's below it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I went to this fucking place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| Yes, yes, you can look below. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Dude, this is also... | ||
| We went to the catacombs. | ||
| Did you go to any of the catacombs? | ||
| No. | ||
| This shit is fucking... | ||
| I wish I could like... | ||
| They have catacombs in Italy, too? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I wish I could send this to you. | ||
| Is it like the ones in France where they have the skulls and all the shit? | ||
| Yeah, I'm gonna show you. | ||
| They have the same kind of thing? | ||
| I'm gonna show you right now. | ||
| This is fucking crazy. | ||
| So we went... | ||
| And also, online, by the way, when I looked up, like, how to get to them, a lot of the online posts were like, this isn't... | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| This isn't necessarily safe. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| Wait a minute, so this isn't safe? | ||
| Well, they were just saying, like, it... | ||
| Oh, dude! | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Describe what we're seeing here. | ||
| Are they standing up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| So they have these skulls dressed in clothes. | ||
| What they do is they reconfigure the bones of what they think the human was, you know, what they look like, and they put them in cloth and stuff and stand them against the wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Go full screen with that. | ||
| Let me see these fucking catacombs on my fucking phone. | ||
| What a bizarre... | ||
| Look at that one with the flesh on them. | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| The one where your cursor is, Jamie? | ||
| Does it have hair on his head? | ||
| Guy's dead as fuck. | ||
| He's got more hair than me. | ||
| See, they found a Buddha statue with a mummy in it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, they found this statue and they did an x-ray of it and found that there was an actual skeleton underneath the statue. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The actual statue was a mummy. | ||
| So this is in Naples. | ||
| That's not new, I guess. | ||
| That's in fucking Naples. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Those are all skulls and bones. | ||
| Isn't that fucked? | ||
| What other cities do you- I heard Florence is amazing. | ||
| Florence is incredible. | ||
| Bologna is cool, too. | ||
| I like- I think southern-southern Italy is my favorite. | ||
| But this is- you see this shit, Jamie? | ||
| Southern Italy likes Sicily? | ||
| Well, I mean, Sicily is my fucking favorite. | ||
| That's my- absolutely- that's where my family's from. | ||
| They don't consider that Italy. | ||
| No, they're their own place. | ||
| But I mean- Isn't that weird? | ||
| I mean southern Italy like- places like Naples and stuff like that. | ||
| Do they look down on you because you have red hair when you go to Sicily? | ||
| They spit on me right away. | ||
| No, you know what's annoying is Santino. | ||
| My last name is Santino because my family is from Sicily. | ||
| And they immediately hear it. | ||
| They go, Santino, Santino. | ||
| And they think, I'm going to speak Italian. | ||
| And then when I don't, they're like annoyed. | ||
| Get mad at you. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I went to somewhere better. | ||
| Where? | ||
| America. | ||
| English. | ||
| We made it out. | ||
| English. | ||
| I made it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Escape. | |
| That's why I came back here and gave you money. | ||
| Money. | ||
| We also went to... | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| A dude that hung himself for sure. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| That's a little kid. | ||
| A little dude. | ||
| Go to that... | ||
| This is all in Rome? | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Capuchin? | |
| They're all over. | ||
| This is Palermo for this one. | ||
| Palermo, yeah. | ||
| That's in Sicily. | ||
| Oh, look at the face of this guy. | ||
| Look at the face of this guy who killed himself. | ||
| He's like, what do you want me to do? | ||
| What do you want from me? | ||
| We also went to Savoca. | ||
| Do you know what Savoca is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where they shot the Godfather. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is fucking incredible, dude. | ||
| We went to this town where they shot the Godfather in Savoca. | ||
| There must be just a bunch of assholes from New Jersey wandering around. | ||
| This is it! | ||
| This is right where De Niro comes down the road! | ||
| Where's Coleone? | ||
| Is Don Coleone here now? | ||
| Where do I get some gabagoo? | ||
| Margot, come get a picture of me in front of this fucking thing. | ||
| Come on, hurry up, you fat bitch. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| We're in the motherland! | ||
| Be fucking civil! | ||
| In the fucking motherland! | ||
| So what was this deal with the story of the Buddha? | ||
| Yeah, the Buddha. | ||
| It was in 2015. Oh, it's too long ago for us to talk about. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| Well, it wasn't like a new discovery. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but it's a thing. | ||
| Do they know why they did that? | ||
| So what did they do? | ||
| Did they put, like, plaster over it and create a... | ||
| I don't know if I'm gonna have any more of this 46, Joe, but it really is nice this early in the morning to have a little bit of it. | ||
| It's a little more ice in that thing over there. | ||
| Have some more. | ||
| I know, I might have another one. | ||
| One more glass. | ||
| Just one more, might as well. | ||
| One more glass to taunt me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| To Sober October. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'm excited for it. | ||
| The science of the curious? | ||
| So look, they did an x-ray on this Buddha and they found out there's an actual skeleton inside of it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| How amazing. | ||
| It's not surprising that Southeast Asia is home to countless ancient Buddhist statues, but one of those statues contains a mummified monk. | ||
| That is certainly a surprise. | ||
| A mummified monk is exactly the researchers of the Netherlands. | ||
| Meander Medical Center found they placed a 1,000-year-old Chinese Buddhist statue inside of a CT scanner. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It contains the body of a Buddhist master named... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Liukuan. | |
| Who may have practiced the tradition of self-mummification. | ||
| To reach his final resting place. | ||
| What? | ||
| He's like, fuck that, I'm wrapping myself out. | ||
| Yeah, this motherfucker just went hog. | ||
| Whole hog. | ||
| That's a really funny photo. | ||
| How strange. | ||
| Going in the machine. | ||
| So how do you think they turned him into that statue? | ||
| Like, what did they put over his... | ||
| So he probably wrapped himself, right? | ||
| And then they... | ||
| Oh, look, it says. | ||
| The organs had been removed and replaced with paper scraps that were printed with ancient Chinese characters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Whoa. | ||
| That's so dope. | ||
| That's like a horror movie. | ||
| Yeah, tune in, Stephen King. | ||
| Okay, if you were a monk that wanted to achieve enlightenment and be revered as a living Buddha, self-mummification was... | ||
| Your brutal option? | ||
| How is it brutal? | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| Monks in the spiritual path would starve themselves for almost a decade, subsisting on water, seeds, and nuts. | ||
| Then, they'd be sealed inside the statue and ingest roots, pine bark, and a toxic tree sap-based tea for another 1,000 days, eating and breathing through a small tube. | ||
| Eventually, death would come, and the monks, mummified in this manner, were said to have reached enlightenment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Talk somebody into that. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Alright, check it out. | ||
| We're gonna put you in this fucking thing. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| You have to breathe through a tube, dude. | ||
| You can only drink this toxic tea that's gonna slowly kill you. | ||
| You wanna be a god? | ||
| You wanna see god, dude? | ||
| Do you wanna fucking see god? | ||
| For three years, you're gonna eat nothing but seeds. | ||
| And we're gonna wrap you, and you're gonna breathe through a fucking tube. | ||
| It's gonna be ultimate panic. | ||
| They'd starve themselves for almost a decade. | ||
| Where would they piss and shit while they're in here for a thousand days? | ||
| Inside the box. | ||
| Yeah, but come on. | ||
| They got a little poop hole. | ||
| It would come right out their mouth. | ||
| Because their poop hole would be plugged. | ||
| That's what mummifies you. | ||
| The shit mummifies you? | ||
| That's the glue? | ||
| They would stay in the statue and it would fill up slowly with shit. | ||
| And that's when they died. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It took a thousand days to gargle on shit until you finally died. | ||
| You'd smell shit up to your nostrils. | ||
| You'd have shit right up to the lip of your nose. | ||
| This is an example of self-mummification. | ||
| The fact that his organs are removed and replaced with paper suggests that may not be true. | ||
| Alright, so all this... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| All this could be bullshit. | ||
| What? | ||
| This could be some dude just... | ||
| So they're just assholes. | ||
| This is an asshole article. | ||
| Toxic tea. | ||
| The toxic tea thing, I think, is fascinating. | ||
| That's just another mind-control way of them slowly killing out people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Toxic tea. | ||
| But someone must have probably done that. | ||
| Because, like, no matter what you do, there's always someone who's willing to go further. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| You know, they do those ultra marathons, right, where they run like 200 miles. | ||
| They're trying to organize one. | ||
| Your boy Cameron Haynes runs 9 million miles a day. | ||
| Yeah, he runs a marathon a day. | ||
| He's a machine. | ||
| Crazy fuck. | ||
| So, you know what he was going to do while we were doing all this So Brock Tour fitness challenge? | ||
| He was going to try to get more fitness points than all of us combined. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Probably not that hard, to be honest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He can do it easy. | |
| He can do it easy. | ||
| But what they're going to do now is a 500 mile race. | ||
| 500 fucking miles. | ||
| 500 miles. | ||
| He runs fast though. | ||
| It's all about time though. | ||
| He'd have to run for six hours a day. | ||
| Yeah dude, when you see... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They're running 24-7. | ||
| No, he's saying to beat you guys. | ||
| It's only about minutes so he has to just... | ||
| But he runs three hours a day all the time. | ||
| If he's running marathons, he's not running more than three hour marathons a day. | ||
| I'd love to know. | ||
| So he's running three hours a day. | ||
| Do you know how fast he runs? | ||
| Eight or nine miles an hour? | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| I tell you what. | ||
| I wonder if it's eight or nine. | ||
| When he ran his first 100, or no, when he ran his first 200, the Bigfoot 200, the last couple hours he was running a seven minute mile. | ||
| Do you know how insane that is? | ||
| Do you know how insane it is? | ||
| Is that 10 miles an hour? | ||
| Yeah, pretty much. | ||
| It's like nine and some change? | ||
| But just understand how insane it is to be running for two straight days. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| To run more than 170 miles, and then the last two plus hours, I think maybe even more. | ||
| He probably was like, it was actually five hours. | ||
| Yeah, you know how you staunch about it. | ||
| He's running seven-minute miles. | ||
| That's fucking insane. | ||
| That's bananas. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's insane. | ||
| That's literally bananas. | ||
| I run five miles a day, and mine are almost eight-minute miles. | ||
| Seven-minute miles is a good clip. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Anyone that runs over... | ||
| Anyone that's just a casual runner that runs over two or three miles, their goal usually is eight to nine-minute miles to keep good pace. | ||
| Seven-minute miles after you've already run hundreds of miles... | ||
| That's fucking insane! | ||
| But that was the point, is like, there's always someone who's willing to take things to another place. | ||
| And that's the thing with these Buddhist assholes. | ||
| They always wanted to push. | ||
| One guy's like, oh, you're just gonna live off seeds for a decade? | ||
| This is what I'm gonna do. | ||
| Toxic teeth. | ||
| I'm gonna live off seeds for a decade, then I'm gonna seal myself in a fucking statue, then I'm gonna drink poison pee, and then I'm gonna die choking a death on my own shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because I want to be enlightened. | ||
| I want to get to the tip top of the enlightenment mountain. | ||
| I want to understand suffering at the deepest, most personal level. | ||
| I like that our Buddhists are like these Italian gangsters. | ||
| I want to understand suffering. | ||
| I want to know how to suffer. | ||
| Deepest level possible, the way you choke on your own shit. | ||
| I wanna choke on my own poop and my own self-wrapped sarcophagus, seed-eating, tube-breathing fucking mummy statue. | ||
| Well, one of the most iconic images from the Vietnam War was the self-immolation guy. | ||
| Oh shit, yeah. | ||
| You ever see the video of that? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Pull up the video of the guy, the Buddhist monk lighting himself on fire to protest the Vietnam War. | ||
| Such a sad image. | ||
| Well, the most fucked up thing about it is the guy didn't even move. | ||
| He's in the lotus position and he's completely engulfed in flames and he's just staying self-immolation. | ||
| That's a weird word, right? | ||
| Immolate to immolate. | ||
| So they pour the gasoline on him. | ||
| 1963. So this was really the start of the war. | ||
| So the war went on for more than a decade afterwards, right? | ||
| Yeah, he was really early. | ||
| He's like, you know what? | ||
| Enough. | ||
| I'm going to put an end to this. | ||
| Imagine if they said to him beforehand, yo, dude, not only is this not going to work, but the war is going to go on for another 10 years. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bad idea. | ||
| Just stick around, and if you play your cards right, you can wind up inside a statue. | ||
| This is like World Stock before it was World Stock. | ||
| Jesus fucker. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| Because the guy's just sitting there. | ||
| I mean, covered in flames, not moving a muscle. | ||
| It's such a bizarre scene. | ||
| Like, look at him here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And at this point he realizes, oh shit, I'm dead. | ||
| And he just falls over. | ||
| What a crazy way to die. | ||
| And all the other dudes are just sitting around going, I didn't do that. | ||
| Yeah, they're all thinking about lunch. | ||
| He's like, what am I going to eat? | ||
| I'm fucking starving. | ||
| What do we have for lunch? | ||
| Rice? | ||
| What do we have for dinner? | ||
| Rice? | ||
| I'm hungry. | ||
| We're eating rice, bitch. | ||
| I think that's crazy. | ||
| What if the match didn't work the first few times? | ||
| You know, he was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! | |
| Hold on. | ||
| Let's think about this. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| I mean, that whole thing is just so... | ||
| That's just... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What was that picture at the fucking end? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Ten superpowers the monks have in real life? | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| No? | ||
| Well, there are some monks that can do some pretty cool athletic shit because they don't get any pussy and they just eat nuts and do push-ups. | ||
| Push-ups, nuts, seeds. | ||
| But that was like a thing where people would go to train with the monks to learn kung fu. | ||
| Did they really have depravity of releasing? | ||
| They can't come? | ||
| Monks can't come? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I wonder if they come in their pants accidentally, if they get mad. | ||
| Well, you have to, right? | ||
| You know that's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Biologically, it's a detriment. | ||
| If you don't ejaculate at some point in your life, you will just naturally leak. | ||
| This is what your teacher told you? | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| Look that up. | ||
| That's a fucking fact. | ||
| You will leak. | ||
| Jamie, tell him. | ||
| Tell him about your leakage. | ||
| What about the tantra people? | ||
| Jamie nuts all the time. | ||
| He tells us about it. | ||
| He's a nut king. | ||
| He's a nutter. | ||
| Jamie, are you a nut king? | ||
| How much do you nut a week, if you had to guess? | ||
| How many times? | ||
| Oh, how many times? | ||
| I thought you were going to ask measurement. | ||
| I was like, two or three cups. | ||
| How many tablespoons? | ||
| And is it salty? | ||
| Four or five nuts a week. | ||
| Four or five nuts a week seems normal for seven days a week. | ||
| Yeah, maybe a little bit more. | ||
| Maybe... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You get really randy. | ||
| Sometimes it's seven nuts. | ||
| If you're lifting weights, maybe it's seven, right? | ||
| If I'm... | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| I get way more horny after running. | ||
| Running? | ||
| Running gets me horny as shit when I'm done. | ||
| Because my body's kind of exhausted. | ||
| So usually I lift a little bit and then I run, or vice versa, or I'll run and then I'll lift to finish, but the running just like, I think it exhausts my body. | ||
| And then you just want to bang. | ||
| I just, yeah, I think my testosterone is just like, I want to fucking shoot this nut. | ||
| Don't the monks do like the tantric stuff where they can like do it without touching anyone kind of thing? | ||
| Yeah, I've heard that before. | ||
| That's like Sting. | ||
| Sting does that shit where he doesn't come, you know he edges and he doesn't come for like nine days. | ||
| It's called being a pervert. | ||
| Yeah, dude, it's so creepy. | ||
| Just stop thinking about that, fucking weirdo. | ||
| It's like people who are doing that, they're thinking about sex way more than the average person. | ||
| Yeah, just fuck. | ||
| I'm just gonna hold it in. | ||
| I'm gonna have internal orgasms. | ||
| I wanna have an external orgasm. | ||
| It's all flooding back into your system. | ||
| I hope that's the face. | ||
| I hope you go cross-eyed when you come. | ||
| Always. | ||
| I hope it's like... | ||
| I always make a fish mouth. | ||
| Can you imagine if a girl was perfect in every way, but when she comes, she would go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jell-O pudding. | |
| Oh, this is great. | ||
| I had a girl that I dated. | ||
| Obviously, I won't mention who, but years and years and years ago, I dated a girl in college, and she was so beautiful. | ||
| But when she would come, it was so annoying. | ||
| It was so exaggerated that I remember catching myself in the mirror one time, giving myself this face. | ||
| As she was yelling, I was going... | ||
| I was rolling my fucking eyes to myself. | ||
| I was like, oh, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, but I was also like, my dick isn't fucking... | ||
| Let's not play the game. | ||
| It's not so big. | ||
| Just come on. | ||
| Do the regular fucking... | ||
| Don't give me this fake. | ||
| Do you think she was faking it? | ||
| I think she was hyperbolizing her orgasms. | ||
| I think she was doing that to please you. | ||
| Yes, I think she thought it was pleasing me. | ||
| It was doing the opposite. | ||
| It was making me go, oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god, fucking shut up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Just regular cum. | ||
| Are we fucking serious with this orgasm? | ||
| And I'm just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she starts punching you. | |
| I just start crying. | ||
| She's coming. | ||
| I'm crying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you just hold yourself. | ||
| It was exaggerated. | ||
| I think that's what porno does. | ||
| Porno tricks people. | ||
| Because porn girl's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like, no, no, no. | ||
| That's fucking insane. | ||
| Yeah, do you ever hear porn and then they do that and you just want to shut it off? | ||
| Yeah, well, turn off the volume. | ||
| I'm like, this is absurd. | ||
| Yeah, but then you're going to look at her face and know she's making stupid noises. | ||
| Yeah, because it's stuck. | ||
| And that's going to be distracting. | ||
| It's already in there. | ||
| You're like, I can't disassociate this. | ||
| Ow! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow! | |
| You know what always impresses me in porno? | ||
| Is when a girl is taking a fucking 12 inch dick and they're not being loud. | ||
| I'm always like, this girl's a fucking thug. | ||
| What a soldier. | ||
| That she's getting fucked and she's just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like it's no big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just looking at it, you're like, there's no way that's not painful. | ||
| That's a good point about porn, though, right? | ||
| It's like people imitate behavior in films. | ||
| Like we were talking about all the guidos that imitate Godfather movies and the Sopranos. | ||
| They imitate it. | ||
| They see it. | ||
| They want to act like it. | ||
| It's exaggerated. | ||
| They emulate a lifestyle. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the same with porn when it comes to sex. | ||
| There's got to be a lot of people that are emulating the sounds and the noises and the postures and all that stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Like, when do you think people started regularly cumming in people's faces? | ||
| What year? | ||
| Yeah, what year? | ||
| Who was the first pioneer in porno that did, like, a first cum shot? | ||
| But, like, in the 30s. | ||
| You think people nutted in people's faces in the 30s? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| They didn't ever pull their dicks out. | ||
| They didn't know you could pull out in the 30s. | ||
| They just came inside people? | ||
| Yeah, they just came inside everybody. | ||
| Everybody had a baby. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, you think about it timeline-wise, like, fucking pregnancy. | ||
| Look at the baby boomer generation. | ||
| Not one person pulled out. | ||
| My mom's one of 10 kids. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Nobody born in the 50s was ever pulled out. | ||
| I mean, like everyone, that's just what you did. | ||
| And then disease in the 70s and 80s spawned this idea of condoms and protection. | ||
| And then people started learning, maybe we'll just not come inside of people. | ||
| Well, they say that one of the biggest changes in culture was female birth control because finally women had control of their own reproductive cycle. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But what comes with that is that they have to take hormones to achieve that. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucking up their chemical insides. | ||
| Dude, have you ever heard, like, what actually happens to women? | ||
| It doesn't just fuck up their chemical insides. | ||
| It fuck up their hormonal cycle. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it also fucks up their ability to discern whether someone's compatible with them. | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it fucked up the science of their... | ||
| There's a thing that women get, like, there's a... | ||
| Chris Ryan was explaining this to me. | ||
| There's an actual smell. | ||
| Like, women can smell, like, when they're not on birth control. | ||
| Like, if they get guys clothes, and, like, they smell guys clothes, they can... | ||
| Literally, they're attracted to certain smells, and the men that smell this way would be more genetically compatible with them. | ||
| So there's a pheromone blocker with birth control then. | ||
| That's kind of what it is. | ||
| It confuses their system. | ||
| Also, women who are on birth control are much more attracted apparently to alpha male type characters and aggressive men. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's something about birth control that makes them... | ||
| They're not sure why, right? | ||
| It heightens their attractiveness towards alpha males. | ||
| Yeah, they're more attracted to alpha males. | ||
| Well, that's not really a negative thing, I guess. | ||
| But they're more attracted to certain types of people, and you've got to think, like, what is that? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I'm not a sociologist or a biologist. | ||
| I really wouldn't know what the fuck would be the cause of that. | ||
| But I would think that it would have something to do with their body wanting something different than the baby that they think is inside them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they're supposed to be pregnant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is the whole reason why you can't get pregnant when you're on birth control. | ||
| It tricks you into thinking you're pregnant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you're walking around constantly in this state of pregnancy. | ||
| So, like, why would you be more attracted to alpha males or aggressive men? | ||
| God, look at my brain. | ||
| It's, like, hunting for why that would even make sense. | ||
| The only thing that would make sense is you want something even more aggressive. | ||
| More dominatory? | ||
| Even more better than what you've gotten. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Maybe more protective. | ||
| Maybe it's just, like, superb nature. | ||
| Like, all those nature characteristics of, like... | ||
| I'm pregnant. | ||
| I need ultimate protection. | ||
| I need ultimate aggression, ultimate strength. | ||
| These are just all natural. | ||
| By the way, all the fucking equality websites would probably light me up for that. | ||
| Oh, go crazy. | ||
| Well, I was reading this biologist's account of what's a... | ||
| There's a term called hypergamy. | ||
| That it's a natural state for women to be attracted and to seek out men with higher social status, higher financial status. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hypergamy. | |
| Pergamy. | ||
| Yeah, and better physical specimens. | ||
| That's this natural state where they're always looking for something bigger and better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's just a genetic state, and it's no one's fault. | ||
| I mean, and women obviously don't have to give in to this, but it's a natural inclination that they had. | ||
| Like, if the rock is there, right? | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| He's rich, and he's handsome, and he's friendly, and he's a giant man, and he's probably got a huge hog, and a woman is naturally attracted to go towards him. | ||
| So am I. Yeah. | ||
| You got a great bit about him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You got a great bit about him. | ||
| But this state, it's called hypergamy. | ||
| Hypergamy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What I was reading about was this woman who had this awful betrayal of this man, and the biologist was... | ||
| Relating it to the state of hypergamy. | ||
| They were doing it in a very scientific sort of technical way. | ||
| Instead of like saying, look at this slut, they were saying this is a natural state. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Where women gravitate towards certain types of males. | ||
| Hypergamy. | ||
| But this is not discussed very often. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Especially because now we're bending all these rules and names and terms and all this bullshit. | ||
| I think there's such an escapism from the true nature of men and women. | ||
| People don't want to talk about it anymore. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| It's a denial of biology. | ||
| It's so crazy to me. | ||
| Well, it's almost like this whole fucking Kavanaugh thing and all this shit, and I don't want to even get into all that fucking diatribe and nonsense, but... | ||
| The one thing I will say that I don't think anybody talks about is the sexual and social psychology of men and women. | ||
| Nobody wants to talk about when you are developing as a young teen, especially a boy, and you're learning about sexuality and you're confused and embarrassed and scared. | ||
| The way that men and women interact in those years from 12 to 16, it's insanely unstable. | ||
| Because women are not as... | ||
| Not as hormonally aggressive technically at that time than men are, right? | ||
| So these men are fucking hormonal freaks and they want to do things with these women but they're not supposed to kind of and it's like kind of okay and they don't know how to do it and they're these weird blurred lines of women want to be accepted and cool in their circle so you know it's like When someone hooks up with someone early on, when two people hook up young, and it's like, ooh, and it's sketchy and weird. | ||
| Sometimes the girl gets labeled a slut. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| For no reason. | ||
| It's like, oh, she's a slut. | ||
| Like, I remember there was a girl when we were, what, juniors, and she was dating a senior, and they had had sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| You're right. | ||
| And it was like, she's a slut. | ||
| It's like, she's not a slut. | ||
| Everybody wants to do this thing. | ||
| But there are these weird subset rules. | ||
| But every guy that does it, that's just what we want to do. | ||
| But I don't, there's no explanation over like how we got to the point of getting comfortable there because men are just these horny freaks that don't know what to do with the thing. | ||
| So there are so many blurred lines of sexuality in relationships at that age. | ||
| Nobody wants to talk about it. | ||
| Well, it's also the Puritan culture and religion, right? | ||
| There's two things that set women up in this terrible place where if they give in to their hormonal urges, they're somehow tainted. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're bad. | ||
| You know, when I was in high school, everybody knew this, and I'm sure you knew this too. | ||
| Everybody knew Catholic school girls were the biggest fucking freaks. | ||
| First time I had anal. | ||
| Catholic school girls. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| First and second time. | ||
| Because they're suppressed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're making diamonds, okay? | ||
| You're taking that carbon, you're putting it under a mountain, and a fucking diamond's gonna come out of it. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's Catholic school girls, right? | ||
| And it's all over the country. | ||
| Where'd you grow up? | ||
| Chicago. | ||
| Chicago, yeah. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| Columbus. | ||
| Catholic school girls. | ||
| Oh, I went to Catholic school, so yeah. | ||
| Oh, talk to us. | ||
| Tell us. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, some of them... | ||
| Yeah, be nice. | ||
| They like what they wore underneath their jumpers. | ||
| Sometimes they had shorts on, sometimes they didn't. | ||
| Yeah, but there was a marked difference. | ||
| Suppression. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Between Catholic school girls and regular girls. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean, the public school girls around me is a whole different thing. | ||
| So most of them are private school girls where I was at. | ||
| The biggest freak that I dated during my high school years was a girl. | ||
| It was a wonderful girl. | ||
| But she went to an all-girl Catholic. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She was suppressed completely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when you hold someone in a cage like that, what do you think is going to happen? | ||
| It's like, of course, when they get out, they're going to... | ||
| They get out like wild animals. | ||
| Yeah, they're going to want to go nuts. | ||
| This girl was nuts, man. | ||
| She was wild. | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| No one wants to talk about, and again, I'm not trying to dive into that Kavanaugh bullshit, but people are young and they do fucking crazy shit when you are hormonally at your beginnings and you're confused and weird. | ||
| I mean, guys know, when guys start masturbating, it's this disgusting, weird, secret, creepy, gross, sad, undercover secret. | ||
| Yeah, you don't tell your friends when you're in high school. | ||
| Oh, you're so panicked. | ||
| You're beaten off. | ||
| And all of that is swirling inside your head over sexuality and then when you do get a chance with a girl, it's uncomfortable, it's awkward, it's weird. | ||
| Again, I'm not talking about whatever fucking he did. | ||
| I'm just saying you're already in this weird state of men are fucked up when they're sexually reaching this new peak of their life that they just want to like jerk off and come and fucking. | ||
| And how much information are they getting from their parents? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Almost none. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| How much guidance are they getting? | ||
| So you don't know borders, you don't know rules, you don't understand. | ||
| And also, our society perpetuates, if you want to be real fucking honest, our society perpetuates this weird pull and push of like, you know, no, I don't want... | ||
| You know that fucking song, Baby, It's Cold Outside? | ||
| You know that song? | ||
| How's that go? | ||
| The Christmas song, Baby, just stay for an, uh, and really should go, it's cold outside. | ||
| It's a Christmas fucking song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What song is this? | ||
| You know what it is. | ||
| Jamie knows what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| Do I know this song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You sure? | |
| It's a Christmas song, and it's called Baby It's Cold Outside. | ||
| Christmas song about rape? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I'm dead serious. | ||
| Here, he's playing it. | ||
| Can you play it on YouTube, or will we get in trouble? | ||
| I really can't stay. | ||
| Yeah, I can't really. | ||
| Is it an old? | ||
| I was trying to see if I could find her. | ||
| Oh, I do know this song. | ||
| I do know this song. | ||
| I really can't stay. | ||
| She's saying, I gotta go home. | ||
| My parents are gonna stay. | ||
| The whole time he's like, come on, just have one more drink. | ||
| Just stay out a little bit longer. | ||
| Oh, he's trying to fucking lube her up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And by the way, she ends up staying at the end because she wants to be with him. | ||
| The game. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the thing that nobody wants to fucking talk about at all, and again, I'm not fucking saying anything other than this is a perpetuation of our culture for a long time of like this pull and take and tease. | ||
| A tease is a game that women play, and men play too, of like, you know, look at that, I really can't say it's cold outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Gotta go away. | ||
| This evening has been so very nice. | ||
| My mother will start to worry. | ||
| My father will be pacing the floor. | ||
| I'd really better scurry. | ||
| Maybe just a half a drink more. | ||
| That's her finally admitting. | ||
| The neighbors might think, what? | ||
| Say what's in this drink! | ||
| Ah, you're very pushy, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to think of it as opportunistic. | |
| I simply must go. | ||
| The answer is no. | ||
| The welcome has been so nice and warm. | ||
| My sister will be suspicious. | ||
| My brother will be there at the door. | ||
| My maiden's aunt maid is vicious. | ||
| Well, maybe just a cigarette more. | ||
| So she's like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Okay, fine. | ||
| Another drink then. | ||
| That took a lot of convincing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's the last word? | ||
| That took a lot of convincing? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| So what I'm saying is... | ||
| What year was that shit? | ||
| Oh my god, this has got to be the... | ||
| 1900s? | ||
| 40s? | ||
| 40s maybe? | ||
| People just rape people. | ||
| For 50s. | ||
| 52. Martin and 52. 52. No, but he wasn't the original. | ||
| My point is, this shit has been going on forever, and it's fucking real, and nobody wants to talk about it. | ||
| Okay, but that had nothing to do with the Kavanaugh thing, right? | ||
| And here's the thing about the Kavanaugh thing. | ||
| You know what I mean by that. | ||
| Oh, no, I do know. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| But even the fact that you have to be defensive right there. | ||
| Everybody has to go, that's not what I'm saying. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm not supporting rape. | ||
| Even discussing it at all, people are ready to fucking hit you in the head with a rock. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| There's no conversation to be had. | ||
| There's a woman who had a brutal take on it. | ||
| A brutal... | ||
| There's two ways we can look at this. | ||
| There's a woman who had a really brutal take on this. | ||
| That was on Jordan Peterson's Twitter page. | ||
| If you go to Jordan Peterson's Twitter page, there's a woman who is... | ||
| I don't know what she does, but she talks about how this woman who is accusing... | ||
| Brett Kavanaugh teaches at this predominantly women's college where 79% of the students are women. | ||
| The vast majority of the professors are women. | ||
| And social justice is the number one thing that they promote at the school. | ||
| A head of education, a head of everything. | ||
| When you look at the school's list of what it aims to accomplish and how to educate the students, Promoting social justice is one of the primary things. | ||
| It's the first one above everything else. | ||
| And the idea is that why would this woman risk everything? | ||
| And what this woman's take is, who's criticizing this, is that she's not risking anything. | ||
| She's rewarded from this. | ||
| In her culture, this is a big deal. | ||
| And she's very cynical about this. | ||
| She's like, this woman has no recollection, doesn't remember how she got home, doesn't remember where the party was, but does remember that someone may have tried to do something to her. | ||
| You know, I'm not a big fan of criticizing people who come out and say someone did something to them, or try to do something to them, because you don't know. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| You're on the outside looking in, and you're trying to pick holes in their story. | ||
| I don't even know if they know, because I don't remember. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you click on the video, you can hear some of what this woman says. | ||
| Like, click on it and play some of what this woman says. | ||
| Eh, we don't have to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She sounds like Jordan Peterson. | |
| I don't think I can play that, actually. | ||
| It'll probably get kicked off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But the point is that there's only two people that know what really happened, and they don't even know what really happened. | ||
| Well, you're talking about something that happened 35 fucking years ago. | ||
| I mean, if she said 35 years ago, this guy raped me, Okay. | ||
| That's a different story. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| This is not what she's saying, right? | ||
| What is she saying? | ||
| From what I understood, and by the way, this is something I distanced myself from, because it was so overwhelming that I was like, oh God, that he held her down while the other dude was in the room, and he kind of helped him hold her down, and he had his penis on her, or... | ||
| Is that what he's saying? | ||
| Let's find this, because people got super mad when we talked about this the other day. | ||
| Like, you should have done research before you discussed a predator. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| But see, that's what's fucked up. | ||
| Is he really a predator? | ||
| First of all, I'm not supporting him anyway. | ||
| I'm not standing there. | ||
| None of us. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| When you talk about it, someone goes, what are you in favor of him? | ||
| It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You have to have a conversation about what's going on. | ||
| Otherwise, I'm just a fucking numb. | ||
| The idea is that this is a giant platform and that if we're discussing in this giant platform, we should be informed. | ||
| I disagree with that because I think that we're just having a conversation. | ||
| Yeah, we're just talking about something. | ||
| You just happen to be privy to this conversation because millions... | ||
| I'm not pretending I'm some sort of an expert or that I have some sort of information that you don't. | ||
| If you have those misconceptions, let me clear those up right now. | ||
| I'm a fucking moron talking to another moron next to another moron. | ||
| There's three morons in this room. | ||
| They're all dudes. | ||
| Talking. | ||
| Just chatting. | ||
| We don't know jack shit. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I know my feeling of the whole thing. | ||
| I know the feeling of the whole thing is that no matter what anybody... | ||
| It's kind of like what got in trouble for Norm, you know, when McDowell got in trouble. | ||
| No matter what, I think both people are suffering in a bad, bad way. | ||
| Okay, hear what it says here. | ||
| It was surely the most explosive and surreal confirmation hearing since Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill in 1991. A nominee from the Supreme Court was asked if he was a gang rapist and a blackout drunk while defending himself by describing how long he... | ||
| Preserved his virginity. | ||
| His accuser described him... | ||
| Grinding into me. | ||
| Covering her mouth. | ||
| Covering her mouth and fearing that he was accidentally going to kill me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Going to kill me. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Well, that's pretty fucking serious. | ||
| So if he was covering her mouth because she was protesting and he was grinding into her, that's some pretty dark shit. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| So that accusation... | ||
| Keep going down a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, keep scrolling down, please. | ||
| Unlike Ms. Hill, 27 years ago, Dr. Blasey, a psychology professor in California, was treated gingerly in the Republicans who feared... | ||
| Okay, this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Thursday, she became a very human being, telling a terrible story about Judge Kavanaugh in compelling terms that brought many women to tears and transformed the battle for the Supreme Court. | ||
| Okay, well, see, that's all I needed to hear. | ||
| See, the kind of person... | ||
| Now, look, I don't know if he did this, but if he did do this, the kind of person that covers a woman's mouth... | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy shit. | ||
| That's an extra level of darkness. | ||
| That's not like trying to kiss her, trying to grind against each other, covering someone's mouth. | ||
| Right, that's rape. | ||
| If he really did that. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| If it's all true, that's what that is. | ||
| That's him trying to hold her back from something. | ||
| So Donald Trump said this famous quote that it's a tough time for boys. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a tough time for boys. | ||
| So a girl made a song. | ||
| I heard that song. | ||
| The song is actually very catchy. | ||
| It's a great song. | ||
| It's a good song. | ||
| And I'm going to tweet it, but when I was about to tweet it, I'm like, people are going to get so fucking mad at me. | ||
| Her name is... | ||
| On Twitter, it's Mercedes L-Y-N-Z. She has a beautiful voice, and the song is... | ||
| It's a scary time for dudes. | ||
| Scary time for dudes, yeah. | ||
| I listened to it a few times. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| Maybe we could play a little bit of it. | ||
| Can we play a little bit of it, or we get kicked off of YouTube? | ||
| Jamie's like, nah. | ||
| Jamie's just shaking his head with everything. | ||
| Shaking his fucking head. | ||
| It's just that it would get tagged, because I'm sure she's trying to monetize it. | ||
| Oh, she's probably got a billion views. | ||
| So anyway, her Twitter page... | ||
| Listen, you know, and this is the thing, men in particular, you're going to hear this, you go, oh, you're fucking supporting this? | ||
| Anti-men fucking male bashing shit? | ||
| Give me just give me a little volume. | ||
| Look, it's she's just going on about how difficult it is to be a it's she's just going on about how difficult it is to And when you're not a girl, it's not something you consider. | ||
| And so all these guys are like... | ||
| It's a lot of good truth. | ||
| She's like, I can't live on the first floor. | ||
| I can't just leave my window open at night. | ||
| All these things are fucking very, very true. | ||
| And it's a good song. | ||
| She's got a beautiful voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Listen, this is the whole thing that I think we're talking about. | ||
| You're allowed to see truth on all sides of all of these issues. | ||
| I don't think you ever have to be so staunch about anything. | ||
| I disagree with people that are so staunch about just being like, this is the end of the discussion, you're only this way or not. | ||
| It's like, no man, I don't know all the stories, I don't know all the truths of that Kavanaugh bullshit, I don't know all the truths of anything. | ||
| That woman coming forward, I tend to believe a woman that's going to go out of her way. | ||
| I don't think she's looking for fame. | ||
| I don't think any of the girls that came out for Louis were looking for fame and attention. | ||
| No one wants attention to have their name googled and come up with this for the rest of their life. | ||
| I wouldn't say that. | ||
| See, I don't... | ||
| I wouldn't say no one. | ||
| I think most people don't want that kind of... | ||
| Okay, you know what? | ||
| Most people. | ||
| Okay, you know who does want that kind of attention? | ||
| Psychopaths. | ||
| The Donald Trump, what's her name? | ||
| The fucking porn star? | ||
| Stormy Daniels. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| I think all she wanted was attention. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| She fucked a guy consensually and all she did was make fun of his penis. | ||
| She wants money. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| She's making money from it and she's in her 40s and she's still stripping. | ||
| It's fucking sad. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| But these other women, Dr. Ford and these other women, they're not doing it for the fucking attention. | ||
| She's doing that because there is a truth in there of what happened and I believe that. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but I believe there's something fucked up that went down and unfortunately, we are in the middle of this What can be done? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| There's no physical evidence or rape. | ||
| It's this weird gray area. | ||
| Like, what am I supposed to do? | ||
| There's also this deep understanding of the flaws of the human memory, both his and hers. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| When you're dealing with 35 years ago, if you tried to ask me, you know, what happened when you and this girl were making out in the backseat of a car 35 years ago, like... | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's a few moments I remember, oh, this girl blew me and it was amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's about that. | |
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I have to remember very few sexual encounters from high school, but I remember my girlfriend... | ||
| But I know they were consensual. | ||
| Yes, all of them were consensual. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| But my girlfriend gave me a blowjob on the porch, and I came so hard my ears rang, and it's never happened since. | ||
| Never happened since. | ||
| I peaked when I was 16 years old. | ||
| I nutted so hard. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| You remember the best blowjob you've ever had. | ||
| I wasn't beating off back then. | ||
| I actually had sex before I jerked off. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| And it's not like I had sex real young either. | ||
| How old were you when you first fucked? | ||
| I think I was 16. How old were you, Jamie? | ||
| Nine. | ||
| You fuck machine. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him over there. | ||
| He's the nut king. | ||
| He's the nut king. | ||
| That's your next shirt. | ||
| Nut king. | ||
| Hashtag nut king. | ||
| In Catholic school, just lifting up skirts and just sending it home. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| You know how I know they weren't wearing panties? | ||
| You know, Jamie's got the biggest dick over at St. Peter's. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Hey, no, seriously. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Like 17. Yeah, 16, 17. That's right. | ||
| That's average ages. | ||
| Man with biggest... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the nut king. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at that guy's balls. | ||
| That's the real nut king. | ||
| That poor bastard. | ||
| There's a bunch of those guys. | ||
| They get elephantitis of the balls. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I guess they just don't want to get their balls cut off. | ||
| Oh, this guy. | ||
| That looks like a Halloween costume. | ||
| That was a Halloween costume. | ||
| That was a Halloween costume. | ||
| Oh, it was? | ||
| I was gonna say. | ||
| But there's some men who really do have those balls. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| That guy's naked. | ||
| That's his sack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| So tell me, you fucked before you ever jerked off. | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| And so then when you jerked off, were you just... | ||
| I don't recommend. | ||
| Because I had zero control. | ||
| I was just gonna say. | ||
| Was stuck in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, Yikes! | |
| Woo! | ||
| Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow! | ||
| I mean, I remember the first time I had sex without, like, raw, without a condom, was my brain was like, alright, there's a strategy to this, you gotta be able to last out the window. | ||
| The moment it was just like... | ||
| Yeah, the first time I ever orgasmed was a girl jerking me off. | ||
| Well, I guess mine was jeans rubbing. | ||
| Mine was dry humping. | ||
| Jamie, you did a bunch of that shit? | ||
| You dry humped? | ||
| I didn't nut from dry humping. | ||
| I probably had a little bit in my underwear. | ||
| You know, I used to have a bit about that. | ||
| Like, you ever take your underwear off and there's this stream of sperm that's somehow or another from the tip of your dick to your underwear? | ||
| Like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| I go, that's those green beret sperm that live around the tip of your dick with a knife in their mouth. | ||
| Don't give a fuck about your plans for the future. | ||
| Those are the ones that get people pregnant. | ||
| Because they're just ready to go! | ||
| Ready to go! | ||
| He's like, you can't take me down! | ||
| This is pussy! | ||
| Let's go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| They hit the underwear. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| This is pussy, let's go. | ||
| They're overzealous. | ||
| They're overzealous. | ||
| They hit that underwear. | ||
| Because sometimes you find pre-cum in your underwear, and you're like, what is this? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| Pre-cum is the strongest cum. | ||
| That is the most potent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Animals. | |
| Yeah, that's the most potent. | ||
| Animals, savages, like the hordes, barbarian hordes. | ||
| Fucking swords and shit. | ||
| Pre-cum is like the, what is it, the green berets or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I said. | ||
| Yeah, the green berets. | ||
| Well, it's because... | ||
| My regular cum is like the Navy Reserves. | ||
| Yeah, like Coast Guard. | ||
| They might come out. | ||
| You guys gonna make it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Not to disrespect the Coast Guard. | ||
| Thank you, boys. | ||
| And women. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, I didn't get any Birds and the Bees talk. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| What? | ||
| Not even remotely. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| My parents? | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| Did you get anything? | ||
| Nah, I was trying to think. | ||
| I don't think they even really did it in school. | ||
| Maybe it's just like... | ||
| They didn't teach a shit. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I didn't get... | ||
| They didn't teach a shit. | ||
| This is my father embarrassed the shit out of me. | ||
| I don't know if I've told this on this thing, but the most embarrassing thing my father did to me, we were eating dinner. | ||
| When I first started jerking off and figuring it out and shit, you know, my dad, at dinner, in front of my family, my dad was like, you've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom. | ||
| And my mom was like, hey, stop it. | ||
| And I was like, these motherfuckers have been talking about me. | ||
| They know I'm jerking off and they've had multiple conversations like, God, he must be whacking off again, that little fucking hornball. | ||
| Because I would lock the door and go in the bathroom. | ||
| I would jerk him in the bathroom. | ||
| I got a stomach ache if my mother ever said anything. | ||
| And they embarrass you. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| In front of my fucking... | ||
| It's like, my sister's there. | ||
| I was like, oh my God. | ||
| And my mom was like, hey, like that. | ||
| And my dad was like, oh, no, no, no, nothing, nothing. | ||
| And I just knew it was him taking the... | ||
| You know what it was? | ||
| Now as a man, like I know that to my son, I'll take a shot like that, too. | ||
| It was just a guy shooting. | ||
| Yeah, but you would tell your son. | ||
| I know, but I would shit on him a little bit, too, because that was funny. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| It was very funny. | ||
| In retrospect, it was like, he bought me a Kathy Ireland poster. | ||
| Do you remember Kathy Ireland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He bought me a Kathy Ireland poster, and he was like, don't... | ||
| And he said something along the lines of like, uh... | ||
| Don't let this get stuck together. | ||
| And I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| But I know. | ||
| He's just like, you little fucking jerk-off freak. | ||
| Hang this in your room. | ||
| Got you a Kathy Ireland poster. | ||
| Dude, I used to love her. | ||
| I thought she was gorgeous. | ||
| She's still hot. | ||
| Yeah, she's still beautiful. | ||
| She's one of those chicks that's hanging in there. | ||
| She was my ultimate favorite supermodel. | ||
| She's like 180 years old now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She still looks hot. | |
| How old is she now? | ||
| 55. No! | ||
| Let me see Kathy Ireland today. | ||
| Let's see what she looks like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Still beautiful. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| She looks that good? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What kind of genetics does she have? | ||
| Is that a recent image? | ||
| Yeah, it looks recent. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| 5'10". | ||
| That's why I love it. | ||
| Recent image of Kathy Ireland. | ||
| Kathy Ireland reveals... | ||
| Still gorgeous. | ||
| Oh my god, she's beautiful. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Will you go back to her when she's young, Jamie? | ||
| Pull up an image of when she was like at her peak. | ||
| When she was like her... | ||
| Kathy Ireland that I remember when I was a kid was like... | ||
| She was super hot. | ||
| No, those aren't it. | ||
| That's her age. | ||
| That's kind of it. | ||
| You Googled 90s. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| She was fucking unbelievable. | ||
| Google Kathy Ireland 2018. God. | ||
| Damn, she was my favorite, dude. | ||
| Google Kathy Ireland 2018. Let's see what she looks like now. | ||
| That was a video I had played of her. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That was 2018 when you just played? | ||
| Yeah, that was New York Stock Exchange. | ||
| Go to images. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| That second one's not her. | ||
| Look at her with the red. | ||
| The one above that with the cleavage. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| She's fucking gorgeous. | ||
| She's so hot. | ||
| Gorgeous. | ||
| Congratulations, lady. | ||
| She's a photographer. | ||
| She punched a photographer. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Fuck yeah, I love that. | ||
| Now I like her even more. | ||
| She's got moxie. | ||
| Because they're fucking annoying. | ||
| Punched a photographer at age 17. After he crossed the line. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Good. | ||
| She just sucked him the fuck out. | ||
| That, by the way, is the ultimate creepo move. | ||
| Photographer shit? | ||
| I knew a dude who was a photographer. | ||
| I'm using air quotes, because really he was a weed dealer. | ||
| And he dabbled in photography, and he would do it for girls who wanted, air quotes again, model. | ||
| And he would help them, but he would tell me, yeah, you get them alone. | ||
| And the first time you take pictures with them, you barely talk to them, you ignore them. | ||
| And then after a while, you say, come on, you got to give me more, you got to show me more. | ||
| And the next thing you know, you're banging them. | ||
| These are rapists, by the way. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| A planned rapist. | ||
| Yeah, but he wasn't raping anybody. | ||
| I know, but he was a gross guy. | ||
| He's a fucking sicko. | ||
| That figured out a way to get girls turned on. | ||
| Like, they wanted to turn him on. | ||
| And by him ignoring them, this was his move. | ||
| The move was, you take pictures of them the first time and you totally ignore them. | ||
| And don't even pay attention to it? | ||
| You just take pictures of him like it's no big deal. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| Alright, leave. | ||
| Why don't you try something else? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Stick your legs in different, like put your foot back there. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Okay, look towards me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Great. | ||
| And there was no, wow, you are so beautiful. | ||
| There was nothing. | ||
| There was nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| He'd give him nothing. | ||
| And then give him a little the second time. | ||
| And then he would start, and he would take pictures with them for free. | ||
| Because they all had no money, but they wanted photos. | ||
| They wanted to be models. | ||
| And he had good cameras. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Because he sold weed, so he had a lot of money. | ||
| I don't know how difficult photography is. | ||
| You do. | ||
| It's difficult. | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| Well, to be good at it. | ||
| What's the name of the creepo dude, Terry? | ||
| What's his fucking name? | ||
| That guy that he got in trouble, right? | ||
| He did like... | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Yeah, he got in trouble for being a creep. | ||
| And he was the kind of guy... | ||
| All those photos he took of like... | ||
| You know, um... | ||
| Well, apparently he has a giant hog. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| And he'd have girls, like, jerk him off and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, he'd have girls tug him while he... | ||
| Yeah, this fucking guy. | ||
| And right, didn't he end up getting in trouble? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, he ended up getting in all sorts of trouble. | ||
| Creep. | ||
| Yeah, but look at this fucking guy. | ||
| Look at how he looks... | ||
| When someone says, what does a creep look like, I go, yeah, like a fucking three-quarter balding glasses weirdo with a strange mustache or mutton chops. | ||
| It's this guy. | ||
| Mutton chops, for sure. | ||
| We missed something on Kathy Ireland. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| We missed something here. | ||
| With a net worth of $350 million, Kathy makes an additional $2 billion off her retail empire. | ||
| Dude, she's a gangster. | ||
| According to a profile in Forbes magazine, which means that Ireland has even surpassed rumored billionaire Jessica Simpson in revenue. | ||
| Damn, Jessica Simpson's a billionaire? | ||
| Shazam! | ||
| From her makeup and clothing and shit. | ||
| Yeah, she's a genius. | ||
| I heard it was all from blowjobs. | ||
| Yeah, you suck a billion dicks, you get a billion bucks. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Damn, billionaire. | ||
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| I should've... | ||
| A thousand million. | ||
| I should've... | ||
| Kathy Ireland, slide into my DMs, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slide in. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Who cares if you're 55? | ||
| You fucking billionaire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Make it happen, baby. | |
| Make it happen. | ||
| Make it happen. | ||
| I'll find that photographer, you punch, and I'll finish the fucking job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe murders... | |
| If he's still alive. | ||
| I'll crush his soul. | ||
| I'll break his ribs. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| Imagine walking around with all broken ribs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| I broke two ribs playing football and I'll never forget the pain of that. | ||
| I'd rather break any other bone than a rib again. | ||
| You can't inhale and then when you sit down you're like in pain. | ||
| I hated ribs. | ||
| I broke an arm, ankle, Collarbone ribs. | ||
| Collarbone's a rough one. | ||
| Collarbone fucking sucks. | ||
| My brother-in-law had a metal plate put in his shoulder because his collarbone was shattered in a motorcycle accident. | ||
| I was just gonna say. | ||
| It's either like motorcycles or skiing or like any... | ||
| anything where you're going over 30 miles an hour slam. | ||
| That's the only way to break a collarbone. | ||
| There's no other way. | ||
| He had a fake collarbone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he get hit by a car? | ||
| A motorcycle crash. | ||
| I'm saying, oh, he wiped out. | ||
| He wiped out. | ||
| Dude, I saw a guy get hit the other day, and it made my heart hurt for the kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On a bike? | |
| Yeah, he got smoked. | ||
| I watched it. | ||
| I watched it happen. | ||
| He was going left through an intersection. | ||
| A guy ran the yellow. | ||
| But he was really running a red. | ||
| It was red. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And he slammed on the brakes, and the car turned a little bit, and he tried to jerk the bike as hard as he could, but boom. | ||
| He was alive, but I was just like, oh! | ||
| Probably broken. | ||
| Oh, dude, he didn't move. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Motorcycles are so scary, man. | ||
| They scare the shit out of me, man. | ||
| I was at a red light this morning, and the light turned green, and some dude just whizzed in between me and some guy who was about to change lanes. | ||
| So, like, I'm in this lane, and I'm driving straight, and this guy was about to change lanes, and this guy went, and I went, oh! | ||
| Inches away. | ||
| I almost saw death. | ||
| I almost saw a guy get killed. | ||
| And that happens all day every day in LA because they're allowed to cut lanes. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| They assume risk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They assume all the risk. | ||
| If you are in that thing where you're cutting lanes and a guy turns into you and kills you. | ||
| It's their fault. | ||
| It's on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like in Chicago, you can't split lanes. | ||
| In Illinois, you're not allowed to. | ||
| Shouldn't be allowed to. | ||
| But there's no helmet law. | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| To me, it's like the most banana shit. | ||
| When I go to Chicago, it's all these fucking guys on Harley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Fucking helmets. | ||
| With their feet up on the things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not wearing a helmet. | ||
| I'm not some fanoink. | ||
| Not some faggy dude. | ||
| I ain't some fucking pussy. | ||
| Scared of head trauma. | ||
| They should just all be forced to look at Gary Busey before and after. | ||
| You don't want to wear a fucking helmet? | ||
| You sure? | ||
| That's what did him in. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, he hit a curb with his skull. | ||
| Dude, a curb. | ||
| The fact that he's alive is insane. | ||
| Oh, doctors, man. | ||
| Doctors, they should have just smothered him with a pillow. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| We're gonna take you out, dude. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| I was watching some thing the other day with him really recently talking, and I was like, whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great to be here on Rogan. | |
| Joe, I fucking love you, man. | ||
| He's incapable of having normal talk. | ||
| It's all theatrical and animated. | ||
| I think years of acting and stuff laid in his brain and now that he's off the edge, I think he feels like he has to be a caricature to feel normal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I also think that's the way he masks the serious brain trauma. | ||
| And pain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Whatever pain is really going on, I think that's it. | ||
| Maybe he's fine. | ||
| Maybe you meet him and he's like, hey, I'm playing it up. | ||
| This is what I got. | ||
| He's like, what do you mean? | ||
| This is a bit. | ||
| This is my thing. | ||
| This is what I got. | ||
| He's outside smoking a cigarette. | ||
| He goes, what are you guys talking about? | ||
| This is a fucking bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chill. | |
| It's just me doing... | ||
| Trying to make a living, bro. | ||
| Just making money, man. | ||
| I'm trying to feed my fucking family. | ||
| Why are you getting shit on me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is wrong with you? | |
| So I got one eye that's like two inches higher than the other one? | ||
| That's what he's got now. | ||
| It's above his eyebrow. | ||
| It's like where an eyebrow should be. | ||
| It's like way up here. | ||
| Well, his skull got caved in. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I know it's not funny to laugh at, but my god, he just looks... | ||
| When you see him when he's young, you know, he's kind of like a normal-looking dude, like an okay-looking dude, and then now you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| He's just all squirrely now. | ||
| But if you go back to him in, like, Lethal Weapon, he was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Like, look at his left eyes, like, down. | ||
| It's like shifted. | ||
| Something's wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But when he was young, like the Lethal Weapon, like when he played Mr. Joshua, dude, he was a fucking wicked ass. | ||
| No, he was awesome. | ||
| Go to that one picture with the two heads. | ||
| Scroll down, please. | ||
| Some of these are Photoshopped. | ||
| Go to that one picture with the green lettering. | ||
| Yeah, it's totally Photoshopped. | ||
| Oh, yeah, don't go to that. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of these are... | ||
| That's rude. | ||
| That's just being an asshole. | ||
| How about the one on the right-hand side with the suit? | ||
| Yeah, I was just going to say. | ||
| Where you got a suit on? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| This one? | ||
| Below that. | ||
| The suit? | ||
| The actual suit? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| That's a real photo, player. | ||
| Just being silly. | ||
| Well, this was back when helmet laws didn't exist. | ||
| Yeah, no helmet law. | ||
| You could ride around LA with no helmet. | ||
| I mean, even if there wasn't a law, why wouldn't you want to? | ||
| I mean, fuck me. | ||
| I get that it's probably the way I don't listen. | ||
| The bike community is like, you don't get it. | ||
| Yeah, bro, you don't understand freedom. | ||
| I like my fucking brain. | ||
| I like my brain. | ||
| Sorry, man. | ||
| But there's a lot of states. | ||
| Arizona is another one. | ||
| You see people with no helmets. | ||
| Texas. | ||
| I think Vegas. | ||
| Are you allowed to have in Nevada? | ||
| I mean, I've seen plenty of guys on bikes without one, but I can't tell you what cop would pull you over. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's kind of like in Vegas, what do they do the last thing on their fucking mind? | ||
| In Vegas you are? | ||
| Just Google states without helmet laws and see how many there are. | ||
| Colorado, I know you don't have to have one. | ||
| Definitely not. | ||
| That's a wild country, man. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| It's a square state. | ||
| Square state? | ||
| Perfectly square, man. | ||
| There's only 19 states that require it. | ||
| There is no motorcycle helmet use law in three states, Illinois, Iowa, New Hampshire, but it says currently 19 states and D.C. have laws requiring all riders. | ||
| 19 states, all riders. | ||
| But three states have no laws? | ||
| Yeah, Illinois. | ||
| But some states... | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| It's only three states where you can wear no helmet? | ||
| What are those states? | ||
| Illinois, Iowa, and New Hampshire. | ||
| Wait a minute, Colorado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe it's new. | |
| Wait a minute, just Google helmet laws in Colorado. | ||
| I've seen people ride motorcycles in Colorado with no helmet. | ||
| Although helmets are proven to save lives in Colorado, however, if the motorcycle operator or passengers are under 18, they must wear helmets. | ||
| Passengers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, that's saying passenger law. | ||
| Yeah, but that's under 18. But that's under 18. Oh, there you go. | ||
| But if they're over 18, they can do whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| So there is no helmet law. | ||
| If you're 16 to 18, you have to go. | ||
| Yeah, they have helmet laws. | ||
| So what you're saying is three states have no helmet laws. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| That means under 18, over 18. Doesn't matter. | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But some states have laws, but grown-ass adults can decide to go suicide style. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's weird that people would fight for that. | ||
| Well, that's like saying no seatbelt law. | ||
| Well, that's the crazy thing. | ||
| You don't want to wear it? | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Like, how is it okay to ride a motorcycle ever and I have to have a seatbelt on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm inside a metal cage. | ||
| These motherfuckers. | ||
| That is a 3,500 pound cage. | ||
| I'm holding onto a steering wheel. | ||
| And this motherfucker's just got handlebars. | ||
| He can go flying. | ||
| I don't get that shit. | ||
| I don't know why you wouldn't want to fucking wear a helmet. | ||
| There's nothing to hold you on. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You get clipped, you're done. | ||
| We're going to come to a time within the next 20 years where automated cars are going to be the norm and you're not going to be allowed to drive. | ||
| There's going to be states where you're not allowed to drive yourself. | ||
| But what you just said was right. | ||
| There will be states that will absolutely fight against that to make sure people can still drive. | ||
| Ticks! | ||
| That's fucking right. | ||
| Do whatever the fuck we want, Tesla. | ||
| Mr. Tesla man. | ||
| Listen here, Elon Musk. | ||
| I saw you smoke reefer with Joe Rogan. | ||
| I saw you smoke pot on Rogan. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Son of a bitch. | |
| Your brain's all rotten out from the inside. | ||
| Shooting dildos into space. | ||
| I know what the fuck you're up to, Elon. | ||
| You fucking shady motherfucker. | ||
| One of my favorite conspiracy theories was that there was an actual man that fucked Elon's wife that was in the suit of the rocket man that they shot into space. | ||
| Of the car that he shot into space. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Elon's like, you fuck my wife, I'll send you to space. | ||
| Yeah, he duct tapes your mouth and straps you into a rocket, launches you into space. | ||
| He gives you oxygen for like five days. | ||
| That would be the most fucked up way to die. | ||
| He's like, I'm gonna let you see space, but then you're gonna fucking die. | ||
| You're gonna die slow. | ||
| Very slow. | ||
| I'm gonna give you nuts and poison tea. | ||
| And a little tube to breathe. | ||
| But when you shit yourself, you will die in the space suit. | ||
| Yeah, that there's a guy in that suit. | ||
| That's a great conspiracy. | ||
| Just imagine what a fucking psychopath you have to be to launch a car that you made into space like that. | ||
| Can I tell you something? | ||
| That's a dope car. | ||
| I think that's the coolest fucking thing anybody's ever done in space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Launch a car into space? | |
| Launch some shit into space. | ||
| That's an artifact. | ||
| That's an artifact for someone to find. | ||
| Imagine if you're in an alien race and you're flying by. | ||
| You're like, we're going to go to Earth. | ||
| We spotted something. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It seems to be some sort of vehicle. | ||
| Someone's coming towards us. | ||
| Oh, let's say hi. | ||
| Let's signal him. | ||
| It's a dead guy filled with shit and nuts. | ||
| And poison tea. | ||
| And a dope car. | ||
| That's a fucking awesome looking car, too. | ||
| Imagine? | ||
| Send that thing into space? | ||
| You saw the Tesla Roadster, huh? | ||
| When that thing comes out... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| Oh, no, he didn't bring it here. | ||
| No, he didn't bring it here. | ||
| Oh, he didn't? | ||
| No, it doesn't come out until 2020. Yeah, but I thought he has one. | ||
| That was his. | ||
| Yeah, he didn't bring it. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That was his one that he launched into space. | ||
| Oh, I thought he had another one. | ||
| I thought he still got one. | ||
| I'm sure he's got another one. | ||
| But wait, but right, though, it's the fastest production vehicle ever made, right? | ||
| Yeah, zero to 60 in 1.9 or 1.6 seconds. | ||
| I thought it was 1.6. | ||
| Might be six. | ||
| Something insane like that. | ||
| The word should be absurd. | ||
| It's fucking absurd to go that fast. | ||
| Have you ever driven a Tesla? | ||
| Dude, I've been in the PD100, the ludicrous mode. | ||
| Yeah, it's insane. | ||
| Too fast. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I would die in that car. | ||
| But it's weird how fast it is. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| My car is 510 horses. | ||
| That's fast. | ||
| But your car has got that rumble. | ||
| Oh, well, I love engines, man. | ||
| I don't think I'll ever give up engines. | ||
| You know, my buddy said, he goes, it sounds like a fucking boat. | ||
| I go, it does sound like a boat. | ||
| When I was a kid, I remember sitting outside on the lake of hearing people's boats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I like engines. | ||
| I've always been an engine guy. | ||
| Because you're a man's man. | ||
| I'm a guy, dude. | ||
| That's why I like you, Santino. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a fucking guy. | |
| Have another drink. | ||
| I can't have one. | ||
| Pour a little more in there. | ||
| I'm going to have one for you. | ||
| I'll have one for Joe. | ||
| Please, have one for me. | ||
| I've got to do two hours of cardio today. | ||
| This is for Kreischer and... | ||
| I should say I love Bert so much. | ||
| I love everybody in the competition. | ||
| I just don't like the fact that Bert is on these medications that all his health problems could be completely resolved if he just didn't drink so much. | ||
| To take medication so that you can drink... | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| I had this conversation a long time ago with Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| He was on statins, and he decided to take statins because he liked to eat. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Statins are for people that have... | ||
| Is that high blood pressure or high cholesterol? | ||
| What is statins for? | ||
| He had, obviously, he was drinking constantly, and he was traveling constantly, and he wasn't exercising. | ||
| Cholesterol. | ||
| High cholesterol. | ||
| And he had some health issues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so they put him on these statins, and he started doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| When he started doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, he lost a shitload of weight, changed his diet radically, cut back on his drinking, and got off the statins. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| But statins have like significant health risks attached to them. | ||
| It's not as simple as they just lower your cholesterol. | ||
| They also do a lot of wonky shit to your whole system. | ||
| To your mental? | ||
| I don't know about mental, but I know- He trained with Gracie, right? | ||
| Well, he trained with Henzo Gracie in New York City. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, the Henzo Gracie Academy. | ||
| I saw a piece on it somewhere. | ||
| It's one of the best gyms in the world. | ||
| Wait, I know I'm jumping backwards, but you mentioned something that now clicked into my head. | ||
| The meat-eater show that your friend does? | ||
| Yeah, Steve Vanilla. | ||
| I think there was a clip I just saw online of him using rendering bear fat to cook bear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I just had watched that. | ||
| I thought that was fucking amazing, because he was like... | ||
| I mean, I've never heard of that before, that you can... | ||
| Boil down the bare fat to use as oil to cook the rest of the meat. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because he's saying it was so rich that it was almost like you could fry meat in it. | ||
| He did fry meat in it. | ||
| Yeah, that was fucking wild. | ||
| People have been using bare fat for ages for lard to cook pies and He was actually talking about it on a podcast recently, he has a great podcast as well called Meat Eater, same name, and on the podcast they were discussing how fat was used, that's him there, rendering this bear fat. | ||
| This is a particularly interesting episode because this was all about bears who eat blueberries, so all that fat had a purple tone to it, a purple hue to it, because the bears had been subsisting on blueberries. | ||
| So they tasted like blueberries. | ||
| Oh, how good would that fucking be? | ||
| So this blueberry fat, it's supposed to be fucking incredible. | ||
| And you render it down and make lard out of it. | ||
| And that lard is good literally for years. | ||
| And you use it for cooking and for all kinds of things afterwards. | ||
| But bear lard, like... | ||
| I have my good friends John and Jen Rivett who live in Alberta. | ||
| And they run a bear hunting operation up there. | ||
| And they eat bear all the time. | ||
| And they render bear fat... | ||
| Into these jars of bare lard. | ||
| I want to have some. | ||
| And you cook. | ||
| It's fucking delicious. | ||
| I'm in Canada next week. | ||
| Tell them to come see me in Calgary. | ||
| Oh, that's close to them. | ||
| I'll tell them to come see you. | ||
| They're lovely people. | ||
| I think Alberta is a great country up there, man. | ||
| People up there are incredible. | ||
| It's beautiful, man. | ||
| And some of the nicest folks. | ||
| Banff is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited in my life. | ||
| I've never been to Banff. | ||
| Banff, the National Forest up there. | ||
| That's a badass motherfucker. | ||
| Do a picture of Lake Louise. | ||
| B-A-M-F is badass motherfucker. | ||
| B-A-N-F-F Banff? | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| No, it's not the same. | ||
| But it is bad as fuck. | ||
| It's dope. | ||
| It's divine. | ||
| Wait a minute, we don't use negative. | ||
| It's divine, Joe. | ||
| We don't use negative. | ||
| It's divine. | ||
| Divine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| Look at Lake Louise, man. | ||
| Look at that fucking place, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's in Banff National Forest. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, Canada. | ||
| Is that, there's really a hotel right there on the water? | ||
| That looks like a fucking disgrace. | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| That looked like an eyesore. | ||
| They put a goddamn hotel. | ||
| Wouldn't they though? | ||
| People are gross. | ||
| But how beautiful is that? | ||
| Look at how fucking gorgeous Lake Louise is. | ||
| It looks fake. | ||
| That's what I said the first time I went there. | ||
| I go, phony. | ||
| This looks like a guy made it on a studio. | ||
| Like a girl has like Photoshop. | ||
| Like when... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You ever see girls when they put that filter on their face where they don't even look like a real thing? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Why the fucking filter? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Who ever invented that? | ||
| Who are you tricking? | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| You know what's even grosser? | ||
| Guys who use that. | ||
| Well, come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I know a guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Selfies with a face filter and you look at it and you're like, what in the fuck am I seeing here? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Is everything okay? | ||
| What are you doing with your face, man? | ||
| What would your grandfather say? | ||
| The fuck happened to your face, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fought in Korea so you could fuck with your face digitally, you pussy. | |
| So you turned into a goddamn cartoon. | ||
| You're animating yourself. | ||
| But that looks like it's photoshopped. | ||
| It's so pretty. | ||
| That was the first time in Alberta that I saw a moose. | ||
| I'd never seen a moose live before. | ||
| It's crazy when you see it, right? | ||
| Until I went there and I was like, holy shit. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| It's the size of one of those dump trucks in dig sites. | ||
| You know where the wheels are five feet high? | ||
| I was like, that's a fucking moose? | ||
| You gotta get out of here. | ||
| That's going to fuck me up! | ||
| That thing runs after you and starts stomping? | ||
| Yeah, and their strides are like 10 feet long. | ||
| I just had no idea. | ||
| I guess as a kid... | ||
| The only animals like that I saw were either deer or... | ||
| The only four-legged thing I would see in the wild was deer as a kid in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's about it. | |
| Well, look at this. | ||
| Look at the elk that's on the wall, right? | ||
| That's an enormous animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, look at the size of the antlers. | ||
| Yeah, it's huge. | ||
| A moose is twice that big. | ||
| Yeah, dwarf. | ||
| That's get dwarfed by a moose. | ||
| Twice that big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can be 1,800, 2,000 pounds. | ||
| The first time I saw buffalo was the same way in Colorado. | ||
| I'd never seen buffalo. | ||
| I mean, in Chicago, like, only when you go to the forest preserves or the lakes do you get to see deer, and other than that, you're like, that's it. | ||
| I mean, there's nothing else in Illinois I'd see. | ||
| How many people do you think every year get fucked up by a buffalo in Yellowstone? | ||
| At least a couple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least a couple idiots get too close. | |
| Boston Dynamics just released a new video and it's scary. | ||
| What? | ||
| These fucking freaks! | ||
| Stop freaking us out! | ||
| They want to kill it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's jumping over logs. | ||
| It's got no wires now. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's doing parkour. | ||
| Hardcore parkour Boston Dynamics. | ||
| Look at it jump from box to box. | ||
| Dude, you guys cut it the fuck out. | ||
| I know a lot of people who couldn't do what that robot just did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Most people you know can't do what that robot just did. | ||
| I would say that's the majority of the country could never do that. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Play that one more time, yeah. | ||
| What is the name of the video for people that are just listening to this? | ||
| Parkour Atlas. | ||
| Is that the name of the robot, Atlas? | ||
| That's the one that's going to kill us all. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Look, he's got a battery pack on. | ||
| Look at him just bouncing around like it's nothing. | ||
| You know, they released some voice recognition from him, and he was like, I want to murder everyone. | ||
| Must win. | ||
| Must stop people coming on eggs. | ||
| I'm a big fan of Joe Rogan. | ||
| Joe, I think you're the best. | ||
| I won't rip your cock off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aha, aha, aha. | |
| Can you imagine that fucking machine face to face with you like, I actually enjoy you as a person. | ||
| I won't kill you. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| They're gonna keep doing it. | ||
| We're fucked. | ||
| When I was doing my cardio yesterday, I was watching Ex Machina. | ||
| That's a great fucking movie. | ||
| One of my all-time favorites. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| I've literally watched that movie at least five times. | ||
| It scares me, but I also am in love with it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But when I'm watching that movie, I'm like, how far away is this? | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| 20 years? | ||
| It's got to be less. | ||
| I think 10 years. | ||
| I think maybe a decade is when we'll have that. | ||
| But when they look like that, that good? | ||
| Have you seen some of the fucking molds that they've already had now? | ||
| Have you ever seen some of these, like, the molds that they can make now to make look real already is scary to me. | ||
| There's a bunch of people protesting in Houston because they're about to open up the first robot sex brothel. | ||
| Wow, that's really interesting. | ||
| I don't think that's going to do much business. | ||
| Who wants a nut in some robot that somebody else already nutted into? | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| I don't know about in the United States, but I think overseas. | ||
| I think fucking Japanese dudes love that shit. | ||
| They love coming in robots. | ||
| We both go to fucking robots. | ||
| We both go to Japan. | ||
| How much do you get paid to be the cleaner? | ||
| The robot cum cleaner? | ||
| What a bummer gig. | ||
| It smells like dead fish. | ||
| Loads. | ||
| Washout Portal 4. Loads smell like dead fish when they sit in your underwear and steam up. | ||
| Just hangs out for a while? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You ever smell them? | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| If you jerk off and you don't clean up, you just let it... | ||
| Whoa, what is this? | ||
| Sex brothel in Houston. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Houston, that's the one. | |
| Has this actually opened? | ||
| No, there's still discussion, but this here says that by 2020 it will be in Houston and nine other cities. | ||
| Now, did that guy make that sex robot or is he gonna fuck it? | ||
| He made it and he's fucking it. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
| I think for sure that's his wife. | ||
| Here's the thing about sex robots. | ||
| Do you think that anybody is gonna make a sex robot that looks like your average gal? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, well, next door, like the next door type of girl. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, they will. | ||
| Well, how many of them are going to look like this girl right here? | ||
| The exaggerated features. | ||
| 90% of them will look like that. | ||
| At least. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, girls look like that now anyway. | ||
| You see girls on the internet, they all look phony as shit. | ||
| Everyone wants to have the same lips, butt thing. | ||
| Every girl on the internet now looks phony as shit. | ||
| No one looks like a chick anymore. | ||
| But what is the future going to be for, like, when it's not a human and you can do whatever you want with it... | ||
| That's when you're gonna find out what people really are attracted to. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| You're gonna find out the real sexual psychology of humans when we find out that there's no rules with these things. | ||
| Save all your male feminist nonsense. | ||
| I just love real women with Birkenstocks. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| What are you fucking when you go to the brothel? | ||
| What are you ordering up on your Amazon sex robot chart? | ||
| Do you have a robot that likes chia seeds? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| How weird. | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| So here's my biggest curiosity. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Male? | |
| You can fuck a dude? | ||
| You can fuck one of them. | ||
| I was gonna get a... | ||
| I was gonna get a... | ||
| You know, they have those... | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Real dolls. | ||
| They have male real dolls. | ||
| I was gonna get a male real doll with no dick and no butthole. | ||
| No mouth hole either. | ||
| Just for jujitsu. | ||
| I was like, listen. | ||
| Send me one. | ||
| I don't want anything I can fuck. | ||
| Hold me fuck up. | ||
| And they're like, sure, sir, we've heard this before. | ||
| We're gonna put three buttholes on it for you. | ||
| We're gonna put a butthole on its side. | ||
| I'm gonna put a butthole on its forehead. | ||
| I just don't see a business. | ||
| I see a business for them creating personal sex robots, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, but this is a niche, niche market. | ||
| I gotta tell you, I know this has always been a big hype for the past couple years of sex robots, sex robots, and people are like, well, that's gonna be the end. | ||
| It's like, no. | ||
| People are always gonna wanna fuck people. | ||
| You wanna have reciprocation of something. | ||
| There's gotta be some kind of reciprocation. | ||
| Do you wanna fuck a dead thing? | ||
| You know what also it's like? | ||
| It's necrophilia, almost. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Well, it's also, you know there's no emotions there. | ||
| It's gonna be like playing a video game on God mode. | ||
| Right, yeah, it's flawless. | ||
| Toronto's first sex doll brothel has been open for a year. | ||
| How are they doing? | ||
| It's the same company. | ||
| It's already been open there. | ||
| But how are they doing? | ||
| Is it working? | ||
| That's my curiosity. | ||
| What's the success rate of a place like this? | ||
| Why does this gross me out? | ||
| Kinky Slots? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it's called? | |
| Kinky S-Dolls. | ||
| Oh, I couldn't remember. | ||
| Kinky S-Dolls. | ||
| Adults only. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let me get in there. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| You have to click. | ||
| Are you an adult? | ||
| Yeah, I'm an adult. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Rent before you buy. | ||
| Rent before you buy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| They have a loan out system of fake vaginas? | ||
| But look how they all look. | ||
| Like, don't any of them look like a secretary? | ||
| No. | ||
| All of them look like some super hoe. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like, isn't there one... | ||
| Don't they have like a Starbucks barista option on here? | ||
| Yeah, she's kind of attractive and... | ||
| She's cute. | ||
| She's 3,200. | ||
| Look at her titties. | ||
| Do you buy body heat or voice? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is that what it costs to buy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 3,200. | ||
| That's only 3,200 bucks? | ||
| Jamie, get one in here, bub. | ||
| Let me see what the photos look like. | ||
| So we can order one? | ||
| Let's order one. | ||
| How many people would be furious at us if we had one sitting behind me during the show? | ||
| You would just cut, and the other camera would cut over there to her? | ||
| Oh, look at her tits. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| Go to that one where she's lying down. | ||
| Oh, that looks so fucking weird, dude. | ||
| The one that you had just before. | ||
| No, the one with her tits up in the air. | ||
| These are bizarre photos, man. | ||
| That one. | ||
| What? | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Look at how panicked she looks. | ||
| Look at her fucking eyes. | ||
| This is awful. | ||
| Stop fucking me, please. | ||
| But those boobs are awful. | ||
| Yeah, that's whack. | ||
| It's garbage. | ||
| If you were dating a girl and you really liked her, she just happened to have boobs like that, you'd have to go... | ||
| Do you want to get those taken out? | ||
| You want to get a reduction? | ||
| I'll pay for it. | ||
| Do you want to be like normal? | ||
| Yeah, that looks... | ||
| What does the vagina look like? | ||
| Do they show it? | ||
| They don't show it. | ||
| But look at the waist. | ||
| Look at how fucked up that is. | ||
| We'll go back real quick. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| That image of her waist is like... | ||
| That's like a 12-inch waist. | ||
| I mean, that's fucking creepy. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what they want. | ||
| They want like... | ||
| Fully exaggerated features. | ||
| Okay, so going back to what we were talking about, you want to talk about, like, that goes back to the corsets? | ||
| Yeah, look at her waist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's weird. | |
| That goes back to this creepy psychology of what the figure in men's minds socially that, like, has been pushed out, that you want this hourglass thing and... | ||
| Do they show you video? | ||
| I want to see video. | ||
| That girl looks real. | ||
| That one down, where it says new, the first new, to the left. | ||
| That photo kind of looks real right there. | ||
| Well, the first one did. | ||
| Yeah, that looked real from far away. | ||
| That looks crazy real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| If that was a girl's Instagram profile... | ||
| Yeah, you wouldn't think twice. | ||
| She has an Instagram page? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But then again... | ||
| How many followers, Jamie? | ||
| Look at the size of those fake tits. | ||
| They're so ridiculous. | ||
| Can you imagine following this? | ||
| What does your wife say? | ||
| I saw you followed S dolls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not even a person. | |
| Stop being so jealous. | ||
| Go to the upper... | ||
| Okay, go to the right-hand side. | ||
| That one with the giant tits. | ||
| That is so ridiculous. | ||
| But see, Japanese? | ||
| They love that shit, dude. | ||
| I'm so hot. | ||
| It's so hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have battery. | |
| I love you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Battery inside me. | ||
| Keep me hot. | ||
| I'm so hot. | ||
| Take off my clothes. | ||
| Why my tit's so big? | ||
| I can just hear Asian listeners tuning out like, this is just, I can't take this anymore, these fucking assholes. | ||
| We don't talk like this, assholes. | ||
| Go to the one in the upper left-hand corner, the top first image of the upper left. | ||
| Wait, go down. | ||
| Look at that one right there. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| What in the fuck, man? | ||
| Why are they so big? | ||
| I guess the idea is that the kind of people that are going to buy these are the kind of people that are either addicted to porn or anime porn. | ||
| I would say it's because they don't get anything ever. | ||
| Go click on the image one more time, Jamie. | ||
| Any of them. | ||
| Any of them. | ||
| And then click on the likes. | ||
| 14 likes. | ||
| These fucking weirdos. | ||
| Yeah, click on one of them guys. | ||
| Click on Gonzalo there. | ||
| Roland Ubrich. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Calling you out, dawg. | ||
| Calling you out, dawg. | ||
| We're calling you out, bro. | ||
| Sorry, bro. | ||
| Don't be so fucking weird, dude. | ||
| Why are you liking photos of a fake doll? | ||
| He's like, yo, that's a good job. | ||
| Good job. | ||
| Don't click on these guys. | ||
| No, yeah, this is gross. | ||
| This is gonna get gross. | ||
| Okay, just for us? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| People don't get to see that, no. | ||
| But see if there's a video of these things moving. | ||
| This is what I want to see. | ||
| I want to see that they're just lying there. | ||
| I'm thinking that they're inanimate. | ||
| So these sex robots, when you call them robots, do they move? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It must. | ||
| No, they're not called robots. | ||
| They're called sex dolls. | ||
| It's a doll. | ||
| I've heard about a doll, but these are sex robot brothels. | ||
| This says kinky doll. | ||
| These are sex dolls. | ||
| Right, but the ones in Toronto. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, in Houston. | |
| Didn't it say sex robot? | ||
| This is the same company, so this is... | ||
| Yeah, it's just sex dolls. | ||
| So they don't move. | ||
| Kinky-esque dolls. | ||
| They're poseable or something like that, so I don't think they... | ||
| Oh, they're poseable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ew, what is doing it to her tit? | ||
| It looks really painful. | ||
| He's grabbing her. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Let me open your mouth. | ||
| Get this off the fucking screen before I vomit. | ||
| What are you doing there? | ||
| Checking to see if the sex robot's contacting you? | ||
| I just got a text and someone's like, sex doll talk? | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you guys? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Fuck doll talk? | ||
| Hey man, we're not the ones that are using it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's drunk, folks. | |
| He's been drinking in my face, taunting me. | ||
| I'm gonna drink more in front of Rogan, I'm gonna smoke pot, and I'm gonna upset my investors, and I'm gonna get everybody mad. | ||
| I have 20 days, you motherfuckers. | ||
| 2-0. | ||
| What we really have to do though, for real, is when it's up, like the party, you have to throw like a fucking huge party. | ||
| A party? | ||
| You should throw a party, fucking when Sober October's over. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Here. | ||
| What? | ||
| Here. | ||
| Why? | ||
| For us. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| For us. | ||
| It's a party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like, this is what I want for food. | ||
| I want dogs, kielbasa. | ||
| These following things I would like to enjoy at your party. | ||
| I like a thick crust pizza. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deep dish. | |
| Deep dish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chicago style. | |
| Dude, go get me a polo sausage over there from Marco's. | ||
| I want a polo sausage. | ||
| Being with you in Chicago was really fun because you could tell you were in your element. | ||
| Oh, it's so much fun. | ||
| You were taking deep breaths like... | ||
| It was wonderful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking Chicago. | |
| I love it here. | ||
| We went to a bar. | ||
| We got steaks like men. | ||
| The best part. | ||
| We walk out of a good steakhouse and this guy of Chicago Blackhawk, who I'm a huge fan of, comes up to Joe and he's like, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| And he couldn't believe you were there. | ||
| And you're like, what's up, man? | ||
| He's like, what's up, man? | ||
| I'm a Chicago Blackhawk. | ||
| You're like, all right. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| Cool. | ||
| And you're like, alright man. | ||
| You turn to me and you go, who was that guy? | ||
| I was like, that's a fucking Chicago Blackhawk. | ||
| And I was like, oh yeah, Joe doesn't give a fuck about hockey. | ||
| I just don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I know what I'm saying. | ||
| You didn't know him. | ||
| I was nice to the guy. | ||
| No, you're super nice. | ||
| But I was like, that's so funny to think that those guys... | ||
| How he treated you was how people treat him. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It was wild to watch how people treat athletes when they're like, bro, you're my favorite. | ||
| This guy was like, he became a kid again. | ||
| He was like, oh my god, Joe Rogan's in this restaurant that I fucking love to go to. | ||
| It was cool to be on the outside of that to watch that happen. | ||
| Especially because I'm such a Chicago Blackhawk fan. | ||
| I'm such a sports fan. | ||
| So it was just so weird to watch an athlete kind of act like people act to them. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It was just beautiful. | ||
| One of the weirdest things that's come out of this podcast is, and again, this is not just for men, the podcast is for whoever the fuck likes it, but Men don't get a whole lot of examples of men that are allowed to just be themselves. | ||
| Yeah, be guys. | ||
| Because everybody's worried about getting fired from something. | ||
| Everybody's worried about saying the wrong thing. | ||
| When I said that I like that song that that girl sang, I really like it. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good song. | ||
| And I think she's got really good points. | ||
| I'm not saying it so that someone likes me more. | ||
| I'm saying maybe as men, especially me as a guy with three daughters, I should consider... | ||
| And we should all consider what it's like to be a girl. | ||
| And I've talked to girls who've been drugged. | ||
| I've talked to girls who've had guys creep on them and do creepy shit to them and girls that have been sexually assaulted. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I like that song. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Not that I like sexual assault. | ||
| I mean, I like that song. | ||
| This is going to get cut up. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's going to get edited out of context for sure. | ||
| I like this woman expressing herself in an artistic way that represents the real threat that women face. | ||
| And it's also a catchy song. | ||
| She's got a beautiful voice. | ||
| And I'm still a man. | ||
| Yeah, you're still a guy. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| These things are allowed to coexist. | ||
| You don't somehow or another become some sort of a cuck or a pussy. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you're a loser. | ||
| We all know when someone's faking something. | ||
| Something when they're giving in totally pressure and pretending like Actors use the word wonderful to describe a woman's performance what we were talking about wonderful. | ||
| We know fake shit We know fake shit. | ||
| Yeah, it was very good too much goddamn fake shit in this world So one of the more interesting things that's come out of this podcast is because I don't have a person telling me what to do, and I can just be myself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People, like, guys go, oh, this is like hanging out. | ||
| This is like what it would be if we were just hanging out. | ||
| But people are listening. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But normal things, you don't get to just hang out, because when people are listening, then you gotta tone the language down. | ||
| What are you gonna say? | ||
| You can't say things. | ||
| Don't say... | ||
| Careful. | ||
| Don't say... | ||
| Careful. | ||
| Don't say that word. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because there's so much misconstrued nonsense. | ||
| Because people are allowed to take any opinion that you have because they don't know your full opinion. | ||
| They don't know a piece of what you think. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| And they just rip that out and throw that into fucking space. | ||
| It's recreational outrage. | ||
| They're finding a nice little juicy target like, oh, let's go after it. | ||
| And it'll be whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Whoever's next, whether it's Chris Hardwick or whoever gets called out for something, whether they're guilty or not, who gives a shit? | ||
| Let's pile onto that motherfucker and ruin their life for a couple of weeks. | ||
| And this is what's going on in this world. | ||
| And it's not good for anybody. | ||
| It's not good for men. | ||
| It's not good for women? | ||
| There's only one good piece of it at all. | ||
| If you're a piece of shit, like Harvey Weinstein, if you're a fucking turd and you rape women, then you're gonna get got and it's good that you got got. | ||
| But even him, man. | ||
| Have you seen the new article? | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of shit. | ||
| The woman who is accusing him of sexual assault, the DA is talking about throwing it out of court now because they found a computer log. | ||
| The girl who was accusing Harvey Weinstein, one of them, of actual sexual assault... | ||
| I'll send it to you, Jamie, so that you can... | ||
| Pull it up, Jamie. | ||
| It was on the New York... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Post? | |
| Page 6. It was on page 6 yesterday. | ||
| Judge dismisses one... | ||
| Is that today? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, so this is. | ||
| They decided to dismiss it. | ||
| Because this woman had a... | ||
| They got a hold of her computer because of her former employer, or a former employee... | ||
| Who said, look, this is not how this girl described this. | ||
| Oh, I watched the video. | ||
| She records a video of them having a conversation, right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| This is a different one. | ||
| This is a girl who gave Harvey Weinstein a blowjob, and she said, look, I'm going to send you the actual thing that I got here, Jamie. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Give me one second. | ||
| Her former employee was like, this is not what she said. | ||
| This is not what she said to me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they were saying that it was in danger of being thrown out, and now it is thrown out. | ||
| So she lied about what it was. | ||
| So the judge was like, fuck this shit. | ||
| Well, they essentially said that this is just... | ||
| Look, there are actual sexual assault victims. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And then there are people... | ||
| There's also people, I think, that are crazy. | ||
| And I think they don't have a real, accurate memory of things that have happened. | ||
| And so they can paint themselves as a victim and be deceptive about it involuntarily. | ||
| I think that's entirely possible. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think there's a certain amount of people that are just delusional and they just don't see things accurately. | ||
| Did you get the text that I sent you? | ||
| But I also still know that Harvey Weinstein is a fucking sexual assault. | ||
| There's just too many women that are saying that he forced himself on them, that he did things to them. | ||
| I mean, you heard that audio of him with that girl. | ||
| You heard that audio. | ||
| Yeah, I heard of it. | ||
| I didn't actually. | ||
| Oh man, I listened to it. | ||
| I saw some of the transcript. | ||
| But there was also that, so make this bigger so my stupid old eyes can see it. | ||
| You said old eyes. | ||
| I need it bigger, too. | ||
| She accused Weinstein of forcing her to perform oral sex, but a prior employee of Evans turned over personal writings she'd left in the company's computer, which appealed to contradict the grand jury testimony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| The writings indicated it was consensual, friendly. | ||
| A source told The Post it has caused a split in the Manhattan district attorney's office. | ||
| Some believe the charges should be dropped, and there's a problem with this complaint. | ||
| And then it was dropped. | ||
| Yeah, so it was dropped. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Listen... | ||
| It's hard, man, because you don't want to say, oh, these girls are all lying, because they're not. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| But one of them could be lying. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, and when one of them's lying, they've got to do what they did and throw that case out. | ||
| But then he's going to say, look, it's all fabricated. | ||
| Well, there's people that will be opportunists in the face of a scandal. | ||
| So there's a scandal where someone has actually legitimately done awful things, and someone is going to stand up and say, he did awful things to me, when really they just fucked the guy because they wanted to advance their career. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I would always argue the majority of people that get involved in this thing... | ||
| Probably aren't full of shit. | ||
| There is always going to be people that want to capitalize. | ||
| There's a real problem. | ||
| That's just human nature. | ||
| People do that all the time in every facet. | ||
| Well, there's people that lied about September 11th, where they were. | ||
| There's people that lie about everything. | ||
| Fucking Matt Power. | ||
| Oh, not Matt Lauer. | ||
| The other guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't he do it? | |
| Brian Williams. | ||
| Brian Williams. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He lied. | ||
| Well, it wasn't. | ||
| Just Hillary Clinton lied about it, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Remember? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She lied about how bullets were flying by her and people were like, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| There's no bullets. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| We didn't have you anywhere near bullets. | ||
| No. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Wasn't that? | ||
| There's something about Hillary Clinton lied about being in the middle of a gunfire. | ||
| Situation? | ||
| Look, people, they exaggerate, they make things up, and some people are just full of shit. | ||
| And then there's people that are delusional, and they have a problem with reality. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they might legitimately believe that something awful happened to them. | ||
| There are people that do things like that. | ||
| Like, it's not all deceptive. | ||
| There's people that have legitimate mental issues, and they have paranoid schizophrenia to whatever extent, you know, whether it's... | ||
| Mild or horrible, but they have a delusional perception of the world around them. | ||
| They think people are out to get them. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And then those people get caught up in the mix. | ||
| There's also selective memory, right? | ||
| There's also manipulation of selective memory. | ||
| There's a lot of study about people that have convinced themselves that something happened when it really didn't happen. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| They really believe. | ||
| So they're not lying. | ||
| And they're not lying because in their brain, that is literally what their brain has... | ||
| Kind of categorized and formulated was that thing did happen. | ||
| They've told themselves that enough or it's been convinced in their own mind that it did happen. | ||
| Someone was trying to explain that about OJ. They were saying that OJ has lied so many times about what happened that night that he might, in his own mind, actually believe he didn't do it. | ||
| That's wild as fuck. | ||
| Well, the human memory, like Neil deGrasse Tyson was trying to explain this to me, that when you're talking about memory, you are literally talking about the worst form of evidence that we know of. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Your memory is, first of all, your memory really is your memory of your memory. | ||
| It's not even your memory. | ||
| It's a memory of you recounting what you used to remember and then sort of reestablishing it in your narrative of the past. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a recounting of a thing you tried to recount. | ||
| Yeah, like, I'm pretty sure when that girl blew me when I was 16, I did have my ears ringing. | ||
| Because I remember, like, wow, that's crazy, and it's never happened since. | ||
| But maybe not. | ||
| Nah, I'm pretty sure it happened. | ||
| But probably, yeah. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| Here's what I know. | ||
| She didn't rape me. | ||
| She didn't punch me in the face and hit me over the head with a frying pan and suck my dick until my ears rang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As far as you know. | |
| She didn't do that. | ||
| It would be funny to see her hit you over the head. | ||
| You know what would be funny? | ||
| If my head went to the shape of a frying pan, like those cartoons, and then I had to go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Back to normal. | |
| That's how hard I came. | ||
| My head was in a frying pan. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I'm optimistic. | ||
| This is what I think about it. | ||
| When people talk about The divide between men and women, I don't see it that much in real life. | ||
| I don't see it in my actual interactions. | ||
| It's on the internet. | ||
| I see it, yeah. | ||
| That's the problem with the internet. | ||
| The internet is just writing things and you're not being there with the person and talking to the person. | ||
| So you don't know if the people are writing things are reasonable. | ||
| You don't know if the people are angry. | ||
| There's no legitimization to the internet anymore because it can come from everyone anywhere at any time. | ||
| And the problem I have with these growth movements that get crazy is you're like, are they talking to anybody else besides their little internal group? | ||
| Like, are you talking to anybody other than the people that you know? | ||
| Because if you're not, you're not getting any sort of outside opinion or sources. | ||
| You're just listening to people that agree with you already. | ||
| The echo chamber thing is so annoying to me. | ||
| It is annoying. | ||
| We're on the same page. | ||
| It's like, yeah, stop. | ||
| That doesn't help any case at all. | ||
| Are you actually trying to see what the other side is saying? | ||
| I think... | ||
| There are some people that do a good job, I don't want to mention names, but there are some people that I follow online that do a great job of trying to have good discourse of right and left. | ||
| Like Bill O'Reilly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That was a guy. | ||
| But I just think there are some people that I like online that do have a good... | ||
| They fucking balance it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But nowadays, if you balance, like you, you get criticized because you don't stick to one way. | ||
| Here's what's interesting. | ||
| By both sides. | ||
| I try to be very, very balanced, but I lean way more left than I do right. | ||
| Way more left, but I get way more accused of being someone who favors the right by left people than I do being someone who favors the left by right people. | ||
| I outwardly espouse left-wing ideas, like universal basic income, gay rights, gay marriage, women's rights. | ||
| Go down the line. | ||
| Welfare. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Food stamps. | ||
| I'm supportive of all these things. | ||
| But I get accused way more of being a right-wing person by people on the left than I do even of being a left-wing person of people on the right when I say I'm left-wing. | ||
| That's because you don't comply. | ||
| I don't comply. | ||
| Yeah, you don't comply. | ||
| I don't comply. | ||
| You don't comply. | ||
| I don't comply. | ||
| They could suck my dick. | ||
| But that's my biggest issue with any far-stretching side of a political party. | ||
| When you don't comply, they fucking get mad. | ||
| They get mad. | ||
| Well, that's what we were talking about earlier, that it is a form of fascism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That they are trying to get you to figure out what they want you to behave like, how they want you to talk. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They want you to comply with that and stick to the script. | ||
| Fit in this box, Joe, or you're not one of us. | ||
| Stick to the groove. | ||
| And we won't, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because we don't do that shit, you fucking bitch. | |
| Also because I know you fucks turn on each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Internally, they fucking light each other up. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| No one is ever progressive enough. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| When they run out of targets, if the whole world was progressive, they would find people who were less progressive. | ||
| They would find people who are not willing to suck that... | ||
| Muslim, queer, gender, non-binary, intersexual, whatever that guy's dick is because he has a penis and you're some sort of a homophobe. | ||
| They would find a reason. | ||
| Glamour. | ||
| They'd find a reason for him. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| For them. | ||
| She. | ||
| Them. | ||
| Zur. | ||
| But that's what I mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I've talked about this shit on stage. | ||
| I'm not going to tell my joke, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do it. | |
| No, but why can't... | ||
| Why the labels? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why the labels? | ||
| Just be your own... | ||
| Because people like to be tribal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But all that does is, that categorizes you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then they get mad at category. | ||
| You are subsecting yourself. | ||
| I didn't do that. | ||
| You told me you're the... | ||
| I don't tell you, Joe, I'm a white, straight male who's Irish and Italian who loves... | ||
| Feet and doggy style, and I'm also kind of Catholic, but, you know, my mom got a divorce, so I can't be all the way. | ||
| Don't think that applies to a British, Iraqi, gay, non-binary, and also identifies as Muslim person. | ||
| I think you're out of your line. | ||
| I identify as an Irish-Italian straight white male from Chicago. | ||
| I just think we don't need all these labels. | ||
| Glamour, you're allowed to be whoever you fucking want to be, and I support the fuck out of who you are always. | ||
| Do your shit. | ||
| Well, it's almost always people that don't have a lot of other things going for them. | ||
| Yeah, because you have to. | ||
| Do you think Stephen Hawking's identified as a British? | ||
| He's identified as a dead guy now. | ||
| When he was alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brilliant British physicist slash heterosexual atheist. | ||
| A heterosexual atheist who, by the way, was riddled with infidelity. | ||
| I've never met a guy so not capable of cheating and found a way to cheat on his wife. | ||
| Well, apparently he could still get it up. | ||
| Well, apparently, even though his body didn't move, he still could feel things. | ||
| That was the scientist. | ||
| Well, he used to go to... | ||
| Eric Weinstein told me about this. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| He's like, yeah, he's a freak. | ||
| And I was like, wait, what? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, he used to go to strip clubs, and there's videos of him rolling into a strip club in a wheelchair. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| Where'd you get littered with infidelity? | ||
| Where'd you hear that? | ||
| He cheated on his wife all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| In that fucking movie, the whole reason that he... | ||
| Well, I mean, the whole reason that he left his wife was because he fell in love with somebody else, but... | ||
| Wasn't it like a nurse that was taken care of him? | ||
| Yeah, but the truth was that he was... | ||
| It's like, this bitch won't even wash my balls. | ||
| The nurse is washing my balls every day. | ||
| But if you Google... | ||
| If you Google Stephen Hawking, he was a... | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He was always fucking around. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| He was always fucking around. | ||
| Once he got a taste of the good life. | ||
| Oh, he had that cash. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He had that cosmology cash. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Also, he's probably like, listen, I am not going to play by the rules. | ||
| The world dealt me the shittiest goddamn hand. | ||
| I'm a super genius. | ||
| Please. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I fucking agree. | ||
| Do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| Hey, you want to leave me? | ||
| Listen, you should leave me. | ||
| Why would you only fuck me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm... | ||
| I'm barely here. | ||
| I'm a machine now. | ||
| I use this finger to talk. | ||
| No, at some point it was his eyes and his fucking mouth at some point. | ||
| He couldn't even use his hands. | ||
| It was just his eyes, right? | ||
| Yeah, wasn't it his eyes? | ||
| Didn't he have a thing where he could kind of click? | ||
| He would look at something, too. | ||
| He had a thing where it was technology. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the way that I talk. | |
| He would look at shit. | ||
| I want to see your asshole. | ||
| Can you sit on my face, face, face? | ||
| Don't kill me, though. | ||
| Malfunctioning. | ||
| I have to figure out the universe. | ||
| Don't smother me with your pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to figure out how stars work. | |
| Are black holes real? | ||
| Or is it just a brown star? | ||
| I don't want to drown in your pussy. | ||
| I'm still on the subject of dark matter. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out the universe before I nut in my pants. | ||
| That's one of the strippers that he hooked up with was called dark matter. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out dark matter. | ||
| Dark matter. | ||
| I could see her with a big old fur coat. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Long nails. | ||
| I thought you were going to say a big old fur bush. | ||
| She has a text message with a pencil because her nails are too long. | ||
| Her nails are too long. | ||
| She can't text. | ||
| That's dark matter. | ||
| Is that possible that you could grow your fingernails? | ||
| Girls with long nails, they probably have a terrible time texting. | ||
| Well, they try to touch with their finger. | ||
| Right, but if you had crazy-ass long nails, you'd be like... | ||
| You voice text. | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| Voice text the whole time. | ||
| But then you've got to use your nose... | ||
| Just to get to the fucking microphone. | ||
| To get to the microphone thing. | ||
| That's what I was just reading about how this shit worked. | ||
| He had infrared sensors on his glasses. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| It was on his eyeballs. | ||
| He sensed movements in his cheek, which then translated into a software program that allowed him to navigate his system without his hands, and then eventually turned into his text-to-speech. | ||
| I just want to fuck. | ||
| Can someone fuck fuck fuck? | ||
| Text-to-speak functionality which takes text and he writes and turns into speech in his iconic voice. | ||
| Yeah, he apparently he liked that voice and didn't want to upgrade it because like Siri like if you talk to Siri like who do you do you have a specific kind of Siri like my Siri is an Australian lady like hey Siri What's cracking bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know how to respond to that. | |
| Okay. | ||
| She doesn't know how to respond to that. | ||
| Hey, Siri. | ||
| But that's how I have. | ||
| I have a... | ||
| Do you love me? | ||
| Didn't she? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you like me to search the web for love? | |
| I think it's the same one. | ||
| It's British. | ||
| I think we have the same one. | ||
| I used to have an Australian lady. | ||
| They swapped me out. | ||
| Maybe they don't like Australia. | ||
| The new upgrade. | ||
| He got his voice in 2004. He's like, good enough. | ||
| Stick with it. | ||
| This is how I talk. | ||
| I will always be this. | ||
| I am a robot man. | ||
| It would be funny if you heard his voice. | ||
| He was like, yo, what's up? | ||
| It's Stephen Hawking. | ||
| It's real hardcore. | ||
| If he had like a super ghetto voice. | ||
| Yo, what's up? | ||
| Yo, what's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Hawkey G up in this bitch. | |
| Figuring out this motherfucking universe we live in. | ||
| SH and this motherfucker. | ||
| What's up with this dark matter? | ||
| I'm out here drinking Hennessy and Coke trying to find out what the fuck is happening with Black Matter, G. What? | ||
| Black Matter, that's his alter ego, Black Matter. | ||
| That would be a great stripper name. | ||
| Google stripper Black Matter. | ||
| Stripper Black Matter. | ||
| She's gotta exist. | ||
| She does. | ||
| Or porn star. | ||
| First start with stripper, Black Matter. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| That might be a better porn star name than stripper name, Black Matter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That would be hot, actually. | ||
| There used to be a... | ||
| Oh, no, Dark Matter. | ||
| Dark Matter. | ||
| Oh, Dark Matter, sorry. | ||
| Not Black Matter. | ||
| Black matters. | ||
| Black lives matter. | ||
| I can't wait till the internet lights that up. | ||
| You piece of shit, fucking racist. | ||
| Fucking racist piece of shit. | ||
| Red-headed guy with a skinhead. | ||
| Skinhead. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| Redhead skinhead. | ||
| Did you find an exotic dancer named Dark Matter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What? | ||
| God, if there's any exotic dancers that are listening right now. | ||
| Just keep it on the DL down at Spearman Rhino. | ||
| Trying to keep it on a sneak tip. | ||
| At the Rhino. | ||
| Probably not even. | ||
| Probably one of them Atlanta strip clubs. | ||
| One of them dark black ones. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Like Lil Wayne would go and throw money in the air. | ||
| Yeah, what's the most popular one in Atlanta? | ||
| Jamie knows. | ||
| You're in the black culture. | ||
| You know about black Twitter. | ||
| You're black Twitter, Jamie. | ||
| Jamie will tell us. | ||
| It's a real famous one, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, there's like famous ones where people get shot. | ||
| Atlanta, it's like the most famous one. | ||
| They always have gunfights there and shit. | ||
| Magic City? | ||
| Magic City. | ||
| Magic City. | ||
| That's the most famous one in Atlanta. | ||
| That's the big one. | ||
| That's like the one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dark. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, come to the stage. | ||
| Dark Matter. | ||
| Here at Magic City. | ||
| Welcome to Magic City. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Shop. | ||
| Shop. | ||
| Let's see, what do they have? | ||
| They have gear? | ||
| Look at Photos. | ||
| That Photos was one of the thuggiest looking. | ||
| The guy had a flat brimmed hat on. | ||
| Go to Photos. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Is this where you want to go? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Okay, we gotta go. | ||
| Is that Dark Matter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dark Matter's the third one with the butt. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| Far right. | ||
| Far right. | ||
| That's Dark Matter. | ||
| That's our girl. | ||
| Kapow! | ||
| Wait, what the fuck? | ||
| This is just like photos of the night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| This is what was going on on January 12th. | ||
| Look at the dude with the fucking hood. | ||
| This is what was going on January 12th. | ||
| Is that Snoop Dogg? | ||
| Who's the guy with the white hood? | ||
| No. | ||
| Some fake Snoop Dogg. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Thuggish. | ||
| These are thuggish-looking... | ||
| Oh, he's got a... | ||
| Look at... | ||
| Whenever you've got people that are standing there with fanning out $100 bills, like... | ||
| And just drinking Fiji water? | ||
| Yeah, that's not my place. | ||
| Oh, look at my butt! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like all these girls. | ||
| Dark Matter to the main stage. | ||
| Dark Matter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ladies and gentlemen, Dark Matter! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Who do you think was the first guy that came up with the strip club DJ voice? | ||
| I don't know, but that motherfucker has permeated the entire culture. | ||
| You can't hear that. | ||
| You know a strip club DJ. Mercedes to the main stage. | ||
| Mercedes, come to the main stage. | ||
| Rain, ladies and gentlemen, it's River. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about a nice round of applause for Lexus? | |
| How about a nice round of applause for Kia Sorento? | ||
| It's weird how things like that happen, like top 40 DJ voice, very similar. | ||
| It's a similar voice. | ||
| Always. | ||
| But that's a weird thing. | ||
| How did broadcast... | ||
| Well, because I did broadcast journalism in college, and they teach you that. | ||
| They teach you broadcast voice. | ||
| Well, I mean, they kind of teach you about intonation. | ||
| So I think people get so stuck in that that they learn it, and it... | ||
| Like this, like WBBMWKQX959, it's the moose on the radio this morning with Joe Rogan Traffic at 9 from Lisa. | ||
| Guys, today, it's the same rhythm. | ||
| They all have the exact same rhythm. | ||
| And I think it's just because it was learned, and then they hear other people do it, and it's just such a monkey, hear monkey do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a comfort level in imitating it. | ||
| Well, because it's rhythmic. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I mean, truly, when they teach you in school, they teach you about the rhythm of the voice. | ||
| What do they teach you? | ||
| Well, they teach you that there's rhythmic waves to... | ||
| It's the exact same thing that happens on-air journalism. | ||
| Like local news, it's the same way when someone goes... | ||
| And on 95th Street, that's where it all went down. | ||
| They teach you about rhythmic waves to lead into the next piece. | ||
| They say it teaches the listener or the watcher to be prepared for the next thing. | ||
| It's almost like a... | ||
| What are you laughing at? | ||
| I went on the dark matter search a little farther. | ||
| I'm in real serious journalism talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| No, my shit's bullshit. | ||
| Give me what you really got. | ||
| There's apparently a porn star named Dark Matter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Where is she? | ||
| Yeah, they just teach you about rhythms because it's easy for the listener to hear in the morning to hear people go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that Dark Matter? | |
| I think so. | ||
| There's also a featuring Dark Matter. | ||
| Is that a girl's name? | ||
| It might be a guy. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Look at Pornhub is just falling apart on us. | ||
| Like a bunch of parody. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Dark matter. | ||
| There's a thing that people do. | ||
| Jamie was on the phone once, getting some tech information from this lady. | ||
| Sounds right. | ||
| And he put her on speakerphone while he was typing. | ||
| And she had the most annoying... | ||
| You know that thing that people do? | ||
| It's called uptalk? | ||
| Oh yeah, uptalk is so annoying. | ||
| Tech talk. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's a way that they talk that lets you know that they're in... | ||
| It's like a very left-wing, technologically savvy way of talking. | ||
| Upslope tech. | ||
| Yeah, talk. | ||
| But it's all tech people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it becomes an accent. | ||
| Like, if it was from Georgia or something like that, it would be a recognizable accent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, oh, that's how they talk in Maryland. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Like, you ever talk to someone from Baltimore? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baltimore. | |
| Baltimore. | ||
| You know Ryan Sickler? | ||
| Yeah, Sickler. | ||
| He says Baltimore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baltimore. | |
| Tuesday. | ||
| Yeah, my friend John Rollo. | ||
| Shout out to John Rollo. | ||
| He's from Baltimore. | ||
| They have that same kind of... | ||
| It's a very... | ||
| Boston... | ||
| Very recognizable accent. | ||
| Yeah, Boston's got that fucking angle. | ||
| Uptalk is a recognizable way of talking that lets you know that I'm going to agree with everything that is in the zeitgeist of left-wing progressive technology. | ||
| Is it in the cloud? | ||
| It's in the cloud. | ||
| You know who does that the best? | ||
| Fred Armisen, I think, does that the best. | ||
| Armisen knows how to like... | ||
| Fred Armisen. | ||
| You know, from Portlandia. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| What is she doing? | ||
| She's talking about Uptalk. | ||
| Let me hear her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't bother me that much unless they do it a lot and it gets really annoying. | |
| Up talking is Connie Chung. | ||
| That's supermodel Cindy Crawford. | ||
| She's going to do it again. | ||
| The popular term for it is up talking. | ||
| But you don't have to be a fashion model or a teenager to up-talk. | ||
| I came to Ikea because... | ||
| You can hear it on commercials. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of self-serve. | ||
| Or even coming out of the mouth of a doctor on the president's healthcare task force. | ||
| Because I see the problem from a different point of view. | ||
| She came up to the table and said, my name is Belinda. | ||
| Dr. Cynthia McLemore is a linguist in Philadelphia who's worked extensively on... | ||
| Alright, this is from 94. That's how fucking old this is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is interesting. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Intonation, man. | ||
| Well, it's way more exaggerated now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's interesting what they were talking about in 94. Some of the officers would make announcements and say, pledges, I need your forms. | |
| It's not a request for a direct response, but for attention, which is a kind of response. | ||
| People may think that uptalk conveys uncertainty, but Dr. McLemore says it can be used in a number of specific ways. | ||
| You can use the rise to convey uncertainty. | ||
| You can use the rise to hold the floor. | ||
| You can use the rise to convey, do you understand what I'm saying or do you hear me or do you agree with me or do you approve of me? | ||
| That's very interesting hearing a linguist describe what it is. | ||
| It's been adopted. | ||
| See if you can google tech talk up talk. | ||
| That's what I was looking for. | ||
| Because it's way more exaggerated now. | ||
| You know who I'm talking about, the woman that was talking to you on the phone? | ||
| How crazy was she? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| The way she was talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bizarre. | |
| Jamie? | ||
| Bizarre. | ||
| Are you working on Behringer X and his 216? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| I felt like we were in a sketch. | ||
| Like when she was talking to him. | ||
| Plus she had no answers for him. | ||
| So she was like bullshitting him? | ||
| Well, that's to placate to pass time. | ||
| That's like anybody in that tech world. | ||
| Anyone that's helping you with any sort of troubleshooting, I find that too when I do that with Apple. | ||
| When I text them about issues, everything is like this weird placating... | ||
| Oh, I can't believe you're having that problem. | ||
| Well, let's just figure it out. | ||
| It's almost like this, like, patting you on the head, like, subservient, like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you okay in your pod? | ||
| Do you need more food in your pod? | ||
| Oh, so you know how we're having that issue with the Sonos player? | ||
| It's all Apple. | ||
| All Apple. | ||
| All Apple. | ||
| Apple has a sneaky... | ||
| You know, the Sonos thing works... | ||
| Flawlessly with the Apple Music service that you pay for. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Flawlessly. | ||
| Spotify? | ||
| But when you try to get the shit right off your phone, that's one of the problems. | ||
| So they've done some sneaky shit that forces you into using their subscription service. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So they've hijacked Sonos. | ||
| They've done some shit where they've inserted a little fuck you into the code. | ||
| Apple dick. | ||
| A little bit of apple dick. | ||
| Did they make it work better with their HomePod speaker? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| It's a much better alternative. | ||
| What we suggest is that you switch over to HomePod, and that way we can listen to everything you say all the time. | ||
| We're listening in, even when you mute us. | ||
| Google just released a new one. | ||
| They released a Pixel 3 with a new speaker dock motherfucker of a thing that... | ||
| The new update on Spotify has a built-in thing so you can ask for a song to be played because it's not probably built into Siri or Android. | ||
| But you have to allow the microphone to be on. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's not a big issue. | ||
| It's not like we want to listen to you jerk off. | ||
| Did you allow the microphone to be on? | ||
| Why is there a piece of tape over the camera? | ||
| We'd like to see your cock. | ||
| We'd like to see you on the webcam. | ||
| I want to see your cock. | ||
| It's only the back of your dick. | ||
| It's not even the front because the front's facing you. | ||
| What's the big deal? | ||
| I took the phone under my cock. | ||
| So I see your balls. | ||
| What's the big deal if I see your balls? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I do. | ||
| I put the camera right under my sack. | ||
| Yeah, I rest my nuts. | ||
| I rest my sack on the camera and look down at whatever I'm beating off at. | ||
| So if you see anything, you see a red screen of my ball skin. | ||
| My nuts. | ||
| Like when you put your balls, like when you draped your balls like over like a light bulb. | ||
| Yeah, it's bright red. | ||
| That's what they see when they look through my lens, motherfuckers. | ||
| Look ahead. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| That knife is very fun to play with, right? | ||
| I love it, dude. | ||
| Big old beefy knife. | ||
| I'm going to stab something. | ||
| Let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Mr. Santino, let these motherfuckers know what you're doing. | ||
| You goddamn hilarious comedy. | ||
| Come see my hilarious comedy. | ||
| We had some fun dates on the road, bro. | ||
| We had some fun fucking dates. | ||
| We had so much fun. | ||
| We got to go in the next year. | ||
| I hope we're going back out. | ||
| I need to write a whole new act. | ||
| I have 25 minutes right now. | ||
| Hurry up. | ||
| 25 minutes. | ||
| I'm trying. | ||
| I wrote all night last night. | ||
| I got home half to the store. | ||
| I did a lot of writing. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I got almost nothing out of it. | ||
| I won't talk about anything, but you worked. | ||
| There was a few new things that you had that I saw. | ||
| I got some new shit. | ||
| Yeah, last night. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| I'm swinging. | ||
| Swanging for the fence! | ||
| Don't come see me looking for gems, though. | ||
| Come see me looking for some fake gems. | ||
| I'm in Calgary. | ||
| I'm in Calgary next week and then in New York at Caroline's on Broadway the following week. | ||
| Love that place. | ||
| Check me out. | ||
| AndrewSantino.com. | ||
| CheetoSantino on all them platforms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| All right, fuckers. | ||
| See ya. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boop! |
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