Oct. 9, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:23:33
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Five, four, three, two... | ||
| Hello, Nick. | ||
| Hi, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How you doing? | |
| Sorry for the delay. | ||
| We had a failure, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| A catastrophic failure of Windows updating. | ||
| It's sort of updated and hung on the TriCaster, but we're back. | ||
| And it seems to be fine. | ||
| Everything's working. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Allegedly. | |
| Allegedly. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| There's that fear when you're like, fuck, I'm turning off the update. | ||
| I'm going to start again. | ||
| That you lose everything. | ||
| That is the one annoying thing. | ||
| We were talking about this before the podcast. | ||
| I've been using Windows to write on, and I like the ThinkPad. | ||
| I really like it. | ||
| I love the keyboard. | ||
| It's great to write on, but Windows updates like two or three times a day sometimes. | ||
| Not just Windows, but like Lenovo will update, and there's some sort of firmware update, and a BIOS update, and Adobe Acrobat's checking in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wanted to know if we can... | ||
| Bitdefender updates. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't used a ThinkPad. | ||
| They still have that little clit right in the middle? | ||
| Still got that little clit. | ||
| I don't use it, but it's there. | ||
| I guess it's for people that have been using it forever. | ||
| It's very accurate if you do use it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's like one of those things where you're just sort of used to muscle memory, you're used to doing it, and then they touch the other buttons with their thumb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They can still do shit. | ||
| And it has the mouse at the keypad. | ||
| It has both. | ||
| It's so weird how quickly you become accustomed to some new version of things. | ||
| I've been using my iPad, and then I've gone back to my computer, and I have a little MacBook, and I find even that weird. | ||
| I find myself just wanting to touch the screen. | ||
| My muscle memory is immediately shot. | ||
| That's one thing that's very odd about Mac computers. | ||
| They still haven't embraced the touchscreen laptop, whereas ThinkPad actually has a touchscreen. | ||
| Oh, you can straight up use the screen on it. | ||
| Yeah, it's an option. | ||
| I have one that has a touchscreen and one that does not. | ||
| But a lot of Windows computers have touchscreens. | ||
| And they even have it so you can turn it into a tablet. | ||
| You flip it over, and I think they call it the Yoga, the ThinkPad Yoga. | ||
| And then Microsoft has one, the Surface or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Apple's like, nah, we want to sell you two different things. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're dirty. | ||
| We're not combining. | ||
| They're dirty people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They really are. | ||
| That fucking battery thing really pissed me off. | ||
| Did it come out? | ||
| Did it finally get officially... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They admitted it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They said they admitted it, and they said they did it because the old phones, they were trying to preserve the battery. | ||
| The fuck you were. | ||
| You were trying to piss people off, so they got a new phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all know exactly what they're doing. | ||
| It works on me every year and a half. | ||
| I'm like, why is my phone fucking dying every ten minutes? | ||
| And I'm like, I gotta get a new phone. | ||
| Dirty people. | ||
| Dirty people. | ||
| I got the new one. | ||
| I got the newest of the iPhone XS Max. | ||
| It's too big. | ||
| I fucked up. | ||
| Is it too big? | ||
| I've never gone to the bigger one. | ||
| I've always gotten this size one. | ||
| I had the X. It was perfect. | ||
| I was happy. | ||
| But I got greedy. | ||
| I want to go back. | ||
| They have some of those now, the smaller, like the four or the five, that little size one. | ||
| Yeah, someone had one the other day and I had it in my hand. | ||
| I was like, ooh, this is nice. | ||
| You could text with one hand. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And I think they now make that one with a higher power. | ||
| It's that size, but it's, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it fits in your hand. | ||
| It's square and the edges are hard. | ||
| It fits in there perfect. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like a slip. | ||
| This one feels like it's going to slip out and you can't quite get around it the whole time. | ||
| Yeah, the 4 one, that one, it also has a headphone jack. | ||
| It's like the last of the Mohicans. | ||
| Yeah, they got rid of all of it. | ||
| Although now, yeah, I guess it's still now there's the converter. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The dongle. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got me, though. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I haven't used a non-Apple product in a long time. | ||
| Well, I gotta think, like I said, and I also got the Samsung Galaxy Note 9, the new one, and it's very good. | ||
| But the fucking iPhone's better. | ||
| Damn it! | ||
| I wish it wasn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wish it wasn't. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They figured it out. | ||
| They figured some shit out. | ||
| It's also just like, they figured out the lifestyle of something where you're like, I'll take this branding. | ||
| I'm a creative. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Remember those think different ads, the fuckers? | ||
| Fucking worked, man. | ||
| I was like, oh. | ||
| Because I remember used to getting that Apple, the MacBook Pro, and be like, I'm going to edit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like, I'm going to get this Apple. | ||
| I'm going to start editing my own shit. | ||
| Well, I remember hearing that Louie was editing his show with a 13-inch MacBook. | ||
| He edited his whole show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he liked doing it on the little MacBook for some strange reason. | ||
| Yeah, on a plane or doing whatever. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I never edit anything. | ||
| I can never fucking bring myself to it. | ||
| Do you ever do it? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Does your brain work that way? | ||
| Are you good with a manual and shit? | ||
| I feel like your brain works that way a little bit, no? | ||
| I mean, I could, but I just don't have any desire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like your brain has, at some point, decided, like, I have a certain amount of capacity in my brain, and I don't want to use any of that for anything that I'm not interested in. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes, some people like that stuff. | ||
| It's just like, I've never been drawn to anything like that, and I'm just not interested. | ||
| As soon as I could have someone else do my taxes, I was like, I don't want to think about that. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| It's all about bandwidth, right? | ||
| What are you spending your thinking on? | ||
| You could do all those other things, but how much would that be annoying? | ||
| And how much would it fuck up the things that you like to do? | ||
| And some people love that stuff. | ||
| I have a buddy who's a successful actor who still does his own taxes, writes out his own residual checks. | ||
| He likes it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm like, alright, good for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If that's joyful, if that brings you joy. | |
| At least he doesn't have to worry about getting ripped off. | ||
| I think that's part of it. | ||
| Chuck Palahniuk was here, and his agent stole all of his money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's broke. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And what happened? | ||
| Is he going after the fucking agent? | ||
| The guy's going to jail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| The guy stole millions. | ||
| Stole millions from him and a bunch of other people, and they don't know where the money is. | ||
| He's hoping he can get some of it back. | ||
| They might be able to find some of it. | ||
| But the agent stole from several different clients. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Some madman. | ||
| And Chuck writes books about, like, watch out, fucking... | ||
| Yeah, he writes books about creepy people doing creepy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone did it to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dane's brother-in-law? | ||
| Yes, his brother. | ||
| Stole his money, right? | ||
| I think it's his half-brother. | ||
| His half-brother? | ||
| Yeah, stole like seven million dollars and wouldn't tell anybody where it is. | ||
| Still? | ||
| Fuck you, I'm going to jail. | ||
| Yeah, and I think he might be out. | ||
| I think he might be out of jail. | ||
| Is he looking for new clients? | ||
| I think he put it in coffee cans and shit and drove across the country and buried it in holes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, if you have a—they would be able to find it if they got a hold of your GPS unit, but if you got, like, a Garmin GPS unit that people use when they go hiking, you can, you know, mark where your camp is. | ||
| You could do some, like, geotagging shit. | ||
| You could totally do that. | ||
| You could go to the fucking woods and go to a tree and dig a hole next to that tree deep into the ground, drop a coffee can with a million dollars in it. | ||
| Geotag, put your little tag on it and come back to it. | ||
| I don't know why I keep going to coffee can. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, there's something about, yeah. | ||
| There's something about a coffee can that's very pleasing in the idea of like rolls of money in like a, yeah, in like a chock full of nuts or whatever that coffee is, like a Folgers crystals. | ||
| Yeah, it was probably garbage bags. | ||
| You know, Fargo was just on the other day, and it's like Buscemi hiding that money, and then he's got his window scraper, and it's just like desolate snow for miles, and he sticks the window scraper into the snow to mark where he's hidden the money, and it's like, oh, this guy's fucked. | ||
| He's never getting that money. | ||
| It's just like, there's no horizon line. | ||
| It's just snow and fucking sky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Screwed. | |
| Did you ever watch the new version of it with Billy Bob Thornton? | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| I heard it's great. | ||
| Season one's good. | ||
| Season two is, I think, for my money, the best television. | ||
| Season two of that show is unbelievable. | ||
| And season three is very good, but season two is un-fucking-believable. | ||
| It's like in the 70s. | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
| Uh... | ||
| Kirsten Dunst in it? | ||
| Jesse Plemons, Kirsten Dunst. | ||
| Who's the fucking... | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| But it's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I liked all three seasons of that show, but season two to me is like unstoppable. | ||
| Are they still making it or are they done? | ||
| They might go make some more in a year or two. | ||
| I think they were talking about... | ||
| I think Chris Rock might be attached to the dude. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, I saw something like that. | ||
| I saw something like that. | ||
| But I don't know what the deal is with it. | ||
| And season three is great, but season two is fucking... | ||
| Dane Cook's half-brother and sister-in-law must repay $12 million. | ||
| Is this new? | ||
| That's just from 2010 when it happened. | ||
| He got six years in jail and 16 years probation, so he'd be out by now. | ||
| Wow, so he's out. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Six years in the pokey in 2010. Yeah, he's out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's out. | |
| I think he just got out, dude. | ||
| Because I remember seeing something about $12 million he stole from him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Must repay. | ||
| Okay, I don't have it. | ||
| Yeah, what do you do? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Keep him in jail. | ||
| I mean, the guy just stayed in jail. | ||
| Like, he could have... | ||
| I might be getting this wrong, but I do remember some of the story was they were offering leniency if he gave some of the money back. | ||
| He's like, nah. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Nah, I'm not going to give it back. | ||
| There's a case like that with a guy that sold the gold. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Some guy that found a bunch of gold. | ||
| He's in jail because he won't tell them where it is, and he owes people, like, I don't know, arguably hundreds to millions of dollars or something like that because of how much it's worth. | ||
| He found the gold? | ||
| He, like, he found the gold, and then he got investors to give him the money to, like, help him go retrieve it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| And once he got it, he's like, ah, I don't know where it is. | ||
| Oh, was it like a shipwreck deal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of money in shipwrecks. | ||
| I was watching a documentary on these billionaires, or rich folks, rather, who finance these guys to go hunting for treasure. | ||
| And they know where some Roman ships have sunk. | ||
| And so they go looking for these Spanish galleons and Roman ships. | ||
| Filled with gold coins that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. | ||
| And, you know, it's like this crazy gamble because the ocean's fucking gigantic. | ||
| Yeah, and also, like, I guess gold, does gold maintain its, like, substance after it really does? | ||
| Yeah, it really does. | ||
| I guess that's why it's fucking gold. | ||
| Holy grail of shipwrecks. | ||
| 17 billion dollars. | ||
| 17 billion in gold they found it? | ||
| Yeah, off of Massachusetts. | ||
| Finds a shipwreck with a treasure of up to... | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| 17 billion! | ||
| And someone financed it. | ||
| Icon? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought that was Carl. | ||
| That's fucking wild, man. | ||
| So, um, where is this fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is in Cape Cod. | |
| Goddamn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That 310-year-old ship. | |
| Spanish ship. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, there was a bunch of those. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine taking a fucking boat that you made out of trees, filling it up with meth, and trying to float it across the fucking ocean. | ||
| With, like, a map that some fucking drunk dude wrote. | ||
| And no knowledge at all about storms coming. | ||
| Like, I hope we don't get hit by one. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| You got a farmer's almanac and shit. | ||
| I think about that all the time. | ||
| I just think about a letter. | ||
| I just think about, like, families, like, immigrants coming over to this country and, like, you know, wherever. | ||
| Fucking Ireland, Poland, Russia, whatever you want to say. | ||
| Like, turn of the 1920s, whatever. | ||
| Hundreds of years ago. | ||
| People get over here and they're like, I made it. | ||
| Okay, I went to New York and now I'm in Rochester. | ||
| Wherever the fuck I ended up. | ||
| And then they have to send a letter that hopefully goes back across the ocean and then to some fucking mailman who's drunk and dies of a heart attack in the mud in Poland. | ||
| And you hope it gets to you to be like, yeah, okay, I'll go meet you in Rochester. | ||
| I'm blown away that anybody got in touch with anybody and found their family. | ||
| I don't know... | ||
| You would think you would make duplicate letters. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| That has to be it, right? | ||
| They just were like, I don't know if you got the last one, but heads up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm, you know... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I'm a fucking slave in Rochester. | ||
| But, I mean, imagine the patience that people had back then. | ||
| Because, like, I'll get an email from someone, and then I'll get an email, like, an hour later. | ||
| Did you get that email? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, Jesus Christ, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| That was just like... | ||
| I saw a buddy of mine who I had met, and we were in Europe, and we met these kids in Oktoberfest. | ||
| They had lived in Germany, and we were, like, meeting up with them in Oktoberfest. | ||
| And this was before email and cell phones. | ||
| And you just were like, I'm going to be at the fucking 210 train in Munich. | ||
| Like, I hope you're there. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| That was like you hoped that you connected. | ||
| And that was that. | ||
| There was no like, hey, I'm texting. | ||
| I'm five minutes late. | ||
| Or like, I'm emailing you to let you know. | ||
| Like, we'll meet at the McDonald's or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, so it's amazing that anything got done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that people met and got married and had kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they traveled across the world and then came back a month later and found their family. | ||
| People were waiting for them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they did it. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I mean, and maybe shit didn't happen. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess it's like... | ||
| You ever watch the show Vikings? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a good show. | ||
| But one of the things that's crazy is these motherfuckers would get on boats and they'd go... | ||
| Just row across the ocean, kill a bunch of people, and come back six months later with some gold, and everybody would be waiting for them at the docks. | ||
| It's like, what kind of life is this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just waiting in the docks. | ||
| There's no version of, like, FYI, we'll be there. | ||
| It's not even like you're going to say, we'll just send the motorboat ahead to let everybody know that we're going to be there in a month. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| People are gonna one day laugh at how ridiculous it is to send a text message like, these guys weren't even telepathic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| They had to text each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They had to send pictures because they couldn't see what the other person was actually seeing. | ||
| It's just going to be all in a fucking contact lens? | ||
| Is that what's going to happen? | ||
| You're just going to have a chip. | ||
| It's going to be a chip? | ||
| It's going to be like Black Mirror, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How far off, do you think? | ||
| 20 years max. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's going to happen so quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like cell phones happen so quick. | ||
| The iPhone was only, what, 11 years ago? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I don't think the first iPhone had a camera. | ||
| Did it have a camera on the first iPhone? | ||
| Maybe it had something. | ||
| If you go back and look at your iPhone pictures from like five years ago, you're like, how dare you? | ||
| How dare you accept this is a fucking photo? | ||
| I bought an Apple digital camera and it was a giant hunk of shit. | ||
| It was like this big and it was one megapixel. | ||
| It was fucking gigantic. | ||
| It was so big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was just this brick. | ||
| I remember going and buying that first like a video camera early 2000s to like put myself on tape in New York. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| You can hear the... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I would try to shoot myself to fucking try to get a, you know... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's what I had. | ||
| I had one of those things. | ||
| And it's one megapixel. | ||
| It's a piece of shit. | ||
| And it was probably like $2,000. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And before that, when I first came out here in 1994, I had a meeting with this guy. | ||
| It was like one of the big wigs at Disney. | ||
| And he had a Newton. | ||
| Do you remember a Newton? | ||
| Yeah, vaguely. | ||
| It was like a tablet. | ||
| And he was all so happy about this. | ||
| He was very organized on his Newton. | ||
| It was like he had a thesaurus with a screen. | ||
| That's what it looked like, this big stupid fucking thing. | ||
| And it had a little stylus and he was writing things on it. | ||
| Was this in the years between when Jobs had gotten fired, or was he still there? | ||
| I think that was when, right? | ||
| The lost years. | ||
| I just saw Alan Alda just posted a thing on his old Atari commercials. | ||
| I guess he was the spokesman for Atari, and it's him talking about Atari you could also use for word processing. | ||
| And then also that they had a very early tablet. | ||
| He's like, you can draw and paint on it. | ||
| I was like, shit, that's not bad, man. | ||
| This is like 84. Wow. | ||
| Which I'm like, I don't know what that was, but it was Atari, early Atari shit. | ||
| You could paint and draw on it, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, the things that they can do now, these new... | ||
| Oh, look at this. | ||
| There's Alan Alda. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're loving it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...a system that's no big deal to use. | |
| I love that voice, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...a computer, you have to learn a few new things. | |
| But Atari's going to a lot of trouble to make it easier for you. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's testing itself. | ||
| Look how young he looks. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Well, it's also funny because, like, back then in the 80s, like, he looks young, but he also sort of looks like how, like... | ||
| He looks like he's 40. Yeah, is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, but he's probably not 40. He's probably 30, but he looks 40. People used to look older. | ||
| Yeah, they had shit nutrition and bad vitamins, and the doctors didn't know anything. | ||
| Yeah, and like... | ||
| And he's sort of graying. | ||
| You don't know what it, you know... | ||
| Yeah, no exercise. | ||
| Well, he's... | ||
| Although, yeah... | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| It's also like you look at old movies and you're like... | ||
| It's old, old movies where you're like... | ||
| Cary Grant or something, and you're like... | ||
| He's playing the young bachelor, and he looks like fucking 60. And maybe he is 60, or maybe it's just like he was just fucking smoking and drinking and looked like... | ||
| But he did not look good. | ||
| And you're like, I'm still a bachelor. | ||
| Yeah, there was no health back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, man. | |
| No one was healthy. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| No one took yoga classes or lifted weights. | ||
| There was no CrossFit. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| There was like, I'm smoking light cigarettes today. | ||
| We played some clips from Spartacus and Kurt Douglas. | ||
| Like, you think of him as like a Roman soldier. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He's like a guy who probably never worked out a day in his life. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, and he's holding this... | ||
| It looks like plastic sword. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the sword looks so light. | ||
| You can tell he's still just sort of like wanting to bring it down. | ||
| Yeah, those old school bodies, old school body weightlifters are like... | ||
| Yeah, he's not... | ||
| Yeah, just everything about him. | ||
| I think he was 40 when they made this movie. | ||
| I think we looked it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you think he was... | ||
| Again, you never know how old is he supposed to be here. | ||
| Yeah, you never know. | ||
| But he looks old. | ||
| Yeah, he's got that dimple, though. | ||
| He looks like he could be 60. Look at his arm in the upper left-hand corner. | ||
| You look at that now and you're like, if The Rock remade Spartacus right now, it would look just a little different. | ||
| Yeah, like, look at this. | ||
| Well, he's like thin from cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's the extent of a workout. | ||
| Look how slow everything is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's so corny. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Shit used to be so... | ||
| But I guess people didn't care. | ||
| He's tan, though. | ||
| Yeah, look at his legs. | ||
| The guy's never done a squat in his fucking life. | ||
| I don't know if they knew what squats were. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They didn't understand anything. | |
| Have you gone back and looked at like what fitness, like the guys who were into fitness, like what they were doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm genuinely asking. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know what they were doing for, they were just like fucking eating raw eggs, I'm assuming? | ||
| Well, there was just very few of them. | ||
| There was bodybuilders back then, but the numbers were so minuscule in comparison to people today. | ||
| Like you can go to any gym today, like you go to Equinox and it's filled with jack people and women with giant butts and guys with big chests. | ||
| See, that's all real shit. | ||
| That's a great workout right there. | ||
| They're hanging from those bars and doing push-ups and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, they're doing some circuit training shit right there, right? | ||
| These are like high school kids, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This looks like... | ||
| Yeah, they look very young. | ||
| But that's all legit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But how old were they? | ||
| They were 18. Right. | ||
| There was no one who was 40 who was doing that. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you go to the gym today, you'll see guys who are in their 50s who are jacked. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That looks fun. | ||
| Hey, man, I fucking love your show. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Your show is hilarious. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| And the character, the animation, looks like you. | ||
| It has your lips and your nose. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking weird, right? | ||
| It's like it looks like you without looking like you. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like they captured it. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| Someone posted, it was right before the show came out this year, someone posted like, Japanese, we make our cartoons cuter. | ||
| Americans, let's make our characters ugly as fucking possible. | ||
| And it's my, it's me as a little fucking kid. | ||
| And I was like, it's a bummer, that's exactly what I look like. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's hilarious because it looks like you without looking like you. | ||
| There's a real gift to that when people, they figure out how to capture the perfect caricature. | ||
| It's weird that we, and we give them, even when we, even if it's like, we try to like, when we have new characters, we'll just give them pictures of the people that are playing them and just let them find that version of them. | ||
| And even when we don't, we'll give people references because there's something about capturing a real person that makes it specific in a way that That you're like, wow, dude, everybody can draw, just draw whoever, which does work, but still, there's something about being like, no, we want a guy who looks like Rogan. | ||
| They'll get that essence that creates something that feels more real. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| But they're great. | ||
| We have a killer team of people designing all those characters. | ||
| What I love about your show is, well, I like a lot of things about it, but one of the things that I love about it is that you really can only do that on Netflix. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like, it's so unharnessed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's just wild and hilarious and there's no boundaries to it. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's one of the more amazing things about something like Netflix, is that there's just, you could do whatever. | ||
| You can do whatever. | ||
| You can do whatever length you want. | ||
| You can say whatever you want. | ||
| You have no advertisers who you're either supporting or in competition with. | ||
| So we can mention brands. | ||
| They don't really care about that. | ||
| When you're on network TV, it's like you've got to get an act break. | ||
| The first act has to be eight minutes. | ||
| The second act has to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And even when there's more flexibility now, but also, most importantly, they just basically let us do whatever the fuck we want. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've been very good partners creatively for us. | ||
| Have you done a stand-up special with them? | ||
| No. | ||
| I did one special years ago for Comedy Central. | ||
| Yours just came out. | ||
| Yeah, it just came out. | ||
| How was the experience? | ||
| This is the second one. | ||
| Well, I've done three with them, but I did one with them in 2005, a long time ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, way back in the day. | ||
| And then I did one two years ago in this one. | ||
| They're fucking amazing. | ||
| They don't bother you at all. | ||
| They just leave you alone. | ||
| They go, you're funny. | ||
| You want to do a special? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of the thing. | ||
| They're just like, you've proven that you can do your thing. | ||
| We're not going to get in the way. | ||
| And I think they realize, oh, we don't get in the way. | ||
| We just have less work to do. | ||
| And if they find someone like you that is a funny guy, they know you're gonna try your best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like you're funny. | ||
| You want it to be really good. | ||
| It's not a money grab. | ||
| I mean, it's like you want to go fucking do it and do it well and you know that everybody's gonna see it. | ||
| That's the thing with them right now is you're like, I don't know about you, but it's like, I just want... | ||
| If I'm going to spend a lot of time making something, I want the most amount of possible eyeballs that I can get. | ||
| And that's what they do. | ||
| Well, especially for a comedy special, there's really no other game in town. | ||
| I mean, I've had friends that did something on HBO, and I'm like, ugh... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If it doesn't air, if you don't see it that night. | |
| There's some streaming services. | ||
| I know there's HBO Go, but I would love to see the numbers. | ||
| I'd be curious. | ||
| How many people are actually using those things? | ||
| I would love to see the numbers across the board. | ||
| But it is now. | ||
| It just feels like we were... | ||
| Because we went out wide with the show. | ||
| We had a couple different offers. | ||
| And Netflix just seemed like the place where it was like, they weren't going to creatively fuck with us. | ||
| And everyone was going to have a chance to see it. | ||
| And we were going to get kids. | ||
| We were going to get anyone. | ||
| We have 12, 13-year-old kids watching the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's fucking dirty. | ||
| Yeah, it gets pretty dirty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love the masturbation demon. | ||
| You're the hormone monster? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Touch yourself, Joe. | |
| Is that your voice? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| Andrew was like, my partner's on it. | ||
| Andrew Goldberg, Mark Levin, and Jen Flaggett were like, they were talking about it because Mark and Jen have a kid who was around that age when we started doing it. | ||
| They were just talking about hormones and all that shit. | ||
| And they're like, we should have a hormone monster. | ||
| And then they're like, yeah, it should just be a hormone monster. | ||
| And then Andrew called me. | ||
| He's like, we're thinking about doing like a hormone monster. | ||
| And I just immediately was just like, tell yourself, Andrew. | ||
| And it just became... | ||
| It was like, okay, got it. | ||
| Alright, we got him. | ||
| We got him fucking locked down. | ||
| And it is... | ||
| I mean, we have those... | ||
| We all have those things, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes they get integrated, sometimes they don't. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| I just love that... | ||
| There's, like, what you see in South Park and what you see in Bill Burr's show, F is for Family. | ||
| There's things that you can do in an animated show that are... | ||
| Physically impossible in any other form and it's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's an amazing format Especially for I think for us like for if you're a Especially if you're like a comedy brain that doesn't necessarily come straight out of like classic sitcom writing that what you have other weird ways of getting into something and You want to be able to personify it and like animation just allows you to do it also allows you to fucking You couldn't do live action stuff with kids the way we have. | ||
| It's just too uncomfortable. | ||
| But you see it in animation and you can get away and be like, alright, let's have the Statue of Liberty talk to that girl and let's have this hormone monster in this season. | ||
| It would be unethical. | ||
| If you had children actors, have you ever worked with kid actors? | ||
| A little bit, yeah. | ||
| I only did it once. | ||
| I did this show called Hardball, and there was a little kid who was like a bat boy, and there was a little girl who was on the show. | ||
| And they were both like early teens, like 13, 14. And it was weird. | ||
| I felt weird. | ||
| Because everyone else is adults, and they would swear and say fucked up thing. | ||
| You have to look over your shoulder, see if the kid's around. | ||
| You say something crazy. | ||
| I had to deal with a kid. | ||
| I was on the show called The League, and I had a son on the show who was, you know, aged up every year. | ||
| But by the last, you know, seasons four or five, he was like from like seven to like nine. | ||
| And it was crazy because we were doing some crazy shit. | ||
| And there's a scene where he's like eating ice chips out of a urinal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You call them like urinal cookies or something like that. | ||
| It was like, and it was fun. | ||
| It was a clean, you know, we made sure it was all good. | ||
| But still, and like, we had him doing some fucked up shit. | ||
| And you're like, alright. | ||
| And the mom was there. | ||
| The mom was cool with all of it. | ||
| But it was like, it wasn't just like even a sitcom where it's like, oh, we're gonna have a little, maybe someone on set saying something weird. | ||
| Like, we're having this kid doing some weird shit. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I hope this is alright. | ||
| What year did you get in the show business? | ||
| How old was I? I was like 20. I started doing open mics like 2002. I was 23, 24. Yeah. | ||
| That's a good year. | ||
| That's a perfect year. | ||
| You're a young adult. | ||
| You're a young adult. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about you? | ||
| I was 21. Yeah. | ||
| Young adult. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it took a while to get it all rolling, but it was... | ||
| I do think that early... | ||
| I mean, there are a few people who seem to start young who are okay, but... | ||
| But it's tough, man. | ||
| I've never met one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're all crazy. | ||
| Have you met Seth Rogen at all? | ||
| Have you dealt with Seth Rogen at all? | ||
| Yeah, how old was Seth when he... | ||
| He was on Freaks and Geeks when he was like 16. Maybe that was the cutoff age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the age we could pull it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you have enough awkward, uncomfortable, actual years as an adult. | ||
| He also had, like, a few years on that show, and then that show got canceled, and he, like, didn't have much of a, like, there were a few lean years there. | ||
| That's probably good for you. | ||
| Where I think it, like, made him a regular human being. | ||
| Because I'm trying to think, there were no kids on news radio, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| Were there any lifetime, were there, like, actors? | ||
| No, they were all adults. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All adults, except Andy Dick. | ||
| Andy Dick's just whatever he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you had him on recently? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had him on once. | ||
| I'm like, that's enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I ran him at the Comedy Store the other day. | ||
| Well, not the other day. | ||
| He's banned now. | ||
| Is he banned again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He licked Earl Skakel's face. | ||
| There's drunk Andy, and when drunk Andy's around, you just got to get the fuck out of there. | ||
| You can tell the difference. | ||
| It's two different guys. | ||
| He's very aggressive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bangs in the car window and you're like, oh no, it's drunk Andy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sober Andy's a fucking sweetheart. | ||
| Wonderful guy. | ||
| And so funny, man. | ||
| He's a hilarious guy. | ||
| We did scenes together where we had to do the take five, six times because I couldn't stay straight. | ||
| I kept cracking. | ||
| Well, you can't stay straight with Andy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he is so funny. | ||
| But I did a... | ||
| I did a, early, one of my first things I did of, like, a voice on American Dad, and I did, they had me do Andy Dick. | ||
| And I was so psyched to get a gig, you know what I mean? | ||
| I was like, I'm not, my favorite thing is not doing other comedians. | ||
| Like, there's some weird kind of code that I don't know what... | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You feel like a dick. | ||
| You feel like a dick. | ||
| I try not to talk shit about comedians. | ||
| It's like, I don't know why. | ||
| It was one of my first gigs. | ||
| It was like, oh, cool. | ||
| I got to be on American Dad. | ||
| I did Andy Dick. | ||
| Looking back, I would not probably do it now. | ||
| Did you do it over the top? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just did Andy Dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I mean, isn't Andy kind of over the top? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I did not mean... | ||
| It was not being like, oh, I'm going to go fucking get Andy Dick. | ||
| But anyway, when I saw him... | ||
| Since then, I've seen him over the years. | ||
| And I like him. | ||
| And I think he... | ||
| When he's sober, he's like, you know, I saw your impression of me. | ||
| And he's like, and he's kind of like, it's funny, you know? | ||
| And then I've seen him drunk, and he's like, so. | ||
| You know, it's like a very different, it's a very different version of it. | ||
| And I'm like, but, you know, but I get it, man. | ||
| If someone did a fucking impression of me on some animated show, I don't know. | ||
| I probably, I'm like, no, I'll do the impression of me. | ||
| Let me control my narrative here. | ||
| I think you got to take your lumps. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| If you're dishing them out, you got to take your lumps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, because then he's done it, you know. | ||
| But he'd go back and watch the Stiller show. | ||
| He's funny as shit, man. | ||
| Oh, that was a great show. | ||
| People forgot about the Stiller show. | ||
| That was a fucking great show. | ||
| Yeah, him, Odenkirk, Janine Garofalo, Stiller, a bunch of, I think, Apatow, Rhode Island. | ||
| It was a crazy group of people. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| That's midnight, or maybe even early, 92? | ||
| It had to be pre-news radio. | ||
| I think it was pre-news radio. | ||
| When is news radio? | ||
| 94? | ||
| Did you come right out here and get news radio? | ||
| How old were you going to get news radio? | ||
| 27. I was on something else. | ||
| I was on a show called Hardball when I was 26. And it was cancelled. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a baseball sitcom. | ||
| It's a terrible baseball sitcom on Fox. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| That's the one where I did with the little kids. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that did like six episodes and it got cancelled. | ||
| And I was ready to move back to New York. | ||
| I hated it out here. | ||
| But I got a lease on an apartment. | ||
| And I had to stay here for a year. | ||
| I'm like, I have this place. | ||
| I bought a couch. | ||
| I bought a TV. Yeah. | ||
| I got a stereo. | ||
| See how it goes, man. | ||
| Yeah, I remember I got a stereo. | ||
| You're like, this is a six CD changer. | ||
| I'm not about to fucking move across the country. | ||
| I ain't going anywhere. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| There was like, oh, you could put so many CDs in this fucking stereo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was amazing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You have people over and it would go random on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You'd let it do random. | ||
| You felt like a boss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then there were people who had like 100 CD changers. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I had a tower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stacked a tower with all the CDs in it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| I just opened up my cabinet with all my DVDs and like all that shit, which I haven't looked at in... | ||
| I haven't looked at it in like five, six years. | ||
| I still have a stack of VHS tapes that I won't throw away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some of them that I just like... | ||
| I don't think I can get this anywhere. | ||
| Do you still have a VHS player? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I have one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I haven't even touched it. | ||
| I'm curious. | ||
| In five years. | ||
| I haven't even touched it. | ||
| Have you gone back and... | ||
| Did you have your camera? | ||
| I just went back and digitized a bunch of stuff that I shot on my little DV stuff. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I haven't done that, and I don't even think I'm gonna. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| I don't have any time. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Just let it go. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| I feel that way with you. | ||
| I'm more inclined to do that today because everyone's taking photos of everything and video of everything, and I just feel I don't have time to look at them. | ||
| If I went and looked into my iPhoto from seven, eight years ago, just started going through all the pictures, the only thing I keep is photos of my kids. | ||
| I keep those. | ||
| I keep photos of your kids, too. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That's very kind of you. | ||
| I'll go to you if I need backup. | ||
| Yeah, you got it. | ||
| But other than that, that's it. | ||
| Like, what am I going to do? | ||
| Well, it's like we're... | ||
| I feel like we're in a... | ||
| I feel like I have a goldfish brain. | ||
| Like, I feel like I just, like, swim and five minutes later it's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I feel like I am constantly in that space. | ||
| And I feel like we record all this shit and then we don't really look back. | ||
| Maybe some people look back, but I'm the same way. | ||
| I think we're overrun by information. | ||
| I don't think our brains are even remotely capable of processing the amount of raw data that comes to you. | ||
| If you check your Google News feed, then you check your Twitter feed, and then people send me things in email, and I check those out. | ||
| I don't have the time or the storage. | ||
| It goes in and it goes out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I use the Google app on my phone to search shit. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| And I'll go on there, but now Google's got, like, stories it thinks I'm gonna be interested in, and then I'll be like, oh, fuck, I guess I gotta look up whatever's going on. | ||
| And then, like, 30 minutes later, I'm like, why did I go to Google? | ||
| What was I going in there for? | ||
| That's my toilet time. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When I'm taking a dump, I'll open that app up, and next thing you know, my legs are numb. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You're, like, limping out of the bathroom with the weird red impressions on, like, right above your knee. | ||
| And it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's like I didn't get anything out of that. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I feel like if you have discipline, if you could avoid that, the good stories will come to you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The ones that you need to hear about, like, dude, have you fucking heard about what happened? | ||
| And like, okay, then you hear about it. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| Because I also, there was a period of time where I was like, not reading the news. | ||
| I was parsing, I was piecing together the news based off of people's Twitter jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Where I was like, okay, I'm going to put the math together. | ||
| I think there's been a hurricane somewhere. | ||
| But I feel like my downtime, I think I'm scared of having actual downtime because when I have actual downtime, I spend so much time inside my phone and that stresses me out. | ||
| So like, if I'm working, I don't have time to be looking at my phone. | ||
| And then I'm like, just work, you know what I mean? | ||
| But it's, and it's, I'm scared of like, downtime. | ||
| Yeah, downtime and phone time, they are very bad for you. | ||
| It's not healthy. | ||
| It's not normal. | ||
| It's not a normal interaction. | ||
| And if you're looking at shit that you're freaking out about, I was freaking out today about what's going on in Portland. | ||
| There's all these Antifa riots that are happening, and they're blocking traffic. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and people are trying to drive to their job, and the Antifa people are telling them, go right, we're closing the street off. | ||
| They got, like, masks on and shit, and the Portland mayor apparently is not doing anything about it. | ||
| Just stressful. | ||
| They're banging on some dude's car because he refused to fucking go right. | ||
| He wanted to go straight through the street. | ||
| They were literally... | ||
| Directing traffic. | ||
| And there's all these videos of it where people are freaking out. | ||
| Because Portland is just... | ||
| It's a great city. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| But it's so overly progressive that you have this section of super far left maniacs. | ||
| That have gathered and have found a cause, and now they've decided that they're gonna... | ||
| And these are white people screaming out, fuck white people. | ||
| The whole thing is so crazy. | ||
| It's so misguided. | ||
| I just want to eat delicious food in Portland. | ||
| I just want to eat fresh food. | ||
| It's a good place for comedy, too. | ||
| It is fun. | ||
| It's a great comedy town. | ||
| It's a great town. | ||
| Yeah, it's the best. | ||
| It's just, you know, when you get a town of millions of people, you're going to have a fucking few thousand assholes. | ||
| There's just no way around that. | ||
| Yeah, everywhere I've gone, I've seen you find that. | ||
| The Pacific Northwest is interesting. | ||
| I found the homeless vibes in Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco. | ||
| It's intense right now. | ||
| You know, Seattle or rather San Francisco has a new app that you can locate human shit on to alert the health department. | ||
| It's like a crap app. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Only in San Francisco there's like, it's a startup. | ||
| They have a real problem. | ||
| They have a giant problem over there. | ||
| Dude, it's intense, man. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| They got too liberal. | ||
| They were just too open-minded with the homeless folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| And these people are just shitting, openly shitting in the gutter. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| There's the poop map. | ||
| Oh, I like the coloring. | ||
| I wonder when they discover they're like, we can do varying levels of breath. | ||
| What is that area that seems to be covered? | ||
| Is it like that's downtown in Barcadero, like right off the Mission and shit? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Look how much shit there is. | ||
| That's the poop area. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Like on all those corners is human shit. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And that's not an exaggeration. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| My friend Jake put it up on his Instagram. | ||
| A guy with his pants down just spraying shit out of his ass into the street. | ||
| He was standing on the sidewalk, ass to the street, just spraying. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I mean, I do that, but that's like... | ||
| But I do it for art. | ||
| It's art. | ||
| It's my art. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And it's for leisure. | ||
| I gotta do something to take my mind off work. | ||
| Have you ever shit in public? | ||
| Have you ever had a public shitting? | ||
| Not on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, I shit my pants. | ||
| I shit my pants a couple times in public. | ||
| But I mean, I kept it inside my clothing. | ||
| I shit my pants. | ||
| I was thinking about, I was coming in here and being like, do I have any, like, I'm like, I don't do MMA or anything. | ||
| I was like, did I ever do karate? | ||
| I was like, oh right, I did karate until I was like seven. | ||
| And I did it and I like, I remember being, I was in a class with a bunch of cops in my town. | ||
| They had like a self-defense class and I was friends with like a cop. | ||
| And so he's like, come take the karate class. | ||
| I was like, sure. | ||
| We go in and take it. | ||
| And I'm wearing the gi, and I was sick so I just kept nodding it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I kept nodding it, and then I'd go to class and I'd eaten fettuccine Alfredo. | ||
| And I'm sitting there, and I'm taking the class, doing my little kicks, and then I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom. | ||
| And I get to the bathroom, and I can't untie the nuts. | ||
| It's too many fucking nods. | ||
| And I just, I'm six, I just fucking spray diarrhea down my, down my gi, and then like go back to class. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no! | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And like all these cops, yeah, all these cops are like, oh this little dirty little fuck. | ||
| And I was like, I think that's the last time I took karate. | ||
| That was the end of my mixed martial arts career. | ||
| Yeah, that could be a problem. | ||
| Have you ever fought so hard that you lose control? | ||
| Does that happen? | ||
| Well, you shit yourself? | ||
| Yeah, like marathon. | ||
| Guys have done that inside the octagon for sure. | ||
| Yeah, there's actually a new rule in some athletic commissions. | ||
| They stop a fight just for hygiene concerns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Someone shits themselves. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But it's happened many times. | ||
| Yeah, cause you think if like you got an open wound and you got shit, there's like some... | ||
| Yeah, real issues. | ||
| Yeah, there's some real duty, some major duty issues there. | ||
| The real problem. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And there was that marathon runner who lost her like... | ||
| Yeah, that's happened a bunch of times apparently. | ||
| Marathon runners just shit themselves all the time, just keep running. | ||
| I'm not... | ||
| See, I'm not that... | ||
| Are you that way, isn't it? | ||
| Like, you'll push your... | ||
| Like, I'm like, I would never push myself to that point where I'm like, yeah, I'll push myself to the... | ||
| It really depends on what it meant to me. | ||
| I mean, if I had some deep emotional reason to finish this marathon, like, my dad died or something. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Have you done that? | ||
| Bert runs marathons. | ||
| Bert and Ari run marathons, right? | ||
| I don't think Ari's ever run a marathon. | ||
| His dad did. | ||
| His dad ran a marathon. | ||
| His dad is a Holocaust survivor in his 80s, and he ran a six-hour marathon. | ||
| And we were telling Bert, there's no fucking way you're going to beat Ari's dad. | ||
| Ari's dad's in his 80s. | ||
| Bert, you're a fat fuck. | ||
| But he did. | ||
| He beat him by like a half hour. | ||
| Bert did it in like five hours and 30 minutes. | ||
| But Ari's dad was like 70s, 80s running a marathon. | ||
| 80s, yeah. | ||
| I think he's 82. If you can survive the Holocaust, man, what's a fucking marathon? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, he was also in the Israeli army. | ||
| He's a tough old dude. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| But you look at Ari, you're like, I can see. | ||
| It's like there's that version of Jew, like that skinny Jew, that can run a marathon. | ||
| Like, I buy that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, I can see that. | ||
| Well, when we started doing this fitness thing, Ari had, you know, we have the Sober October thing, and then there's this fitness challenge attached to it. | ||
| And Ari literally hadn't worked out at all in, I think he said 10 years. | ||
| I think 10 years ago, he was taking jiu-jitsu with me. | ||
| That's the last time he did any exercise at all. | ||
| How's he doing? | ||
| He's doing great. | ||
| He's in second place right now. | ||
| He's right behind me. | ||
| It is a game of genetics on some level, right? | ||
| It's just a game of will. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because this thing that we're using, all it does is measure your heart rate. | ||
| So if you're just willing to keep your heart rate elevated and push yourself... | ||
| Right. | ||
| It just depends on, yeah, like, what is your level of competition that you want to fucking... | ||
| Yeah, and how strong is your will? | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| Is there anything to it if you have an exercise in ten years and you all of a sudden start to exercise, your heart rate goes up naturally because it's like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| You were trying to think that. | ||
| Maybe he's so fucking out of shape that he's just walking and his heart rate's pinned. | ||
| But I don't think so. | ||
| But see, this thing is very flawed, this fucking, this thing that we have, because it gives you the same amount of points for 80% of your heart rate as it does for 90. So for the first day, I was like, I'm gonna bury these motherfuckers. | ||
| And I pegged my heart rate at 90 for like 35 minutes. | ||
| I was like, I'm just gonna leave them in the dust. | ||
| They can't keep up. | ||
| And then I found out that all you have to do is keep it at 80, which is like 143 beats per minute, which is easy. | ||
| You could walk and talk. | ||
| And keep it at 143. If you're on an elliptical machine, you could have a full-on conversation no problem at 143 beats a minute. | ||
| So it's flawed. | ||
| It's a little flawed. | ||
| And there's that difference between 80 and 90% where you're getting that extra burn. | ||
| But it's a matter of the sheer time you put in. | ||
| That's what's separating everybody in this little challenge. | ||
| That Ari will put in two and a half hours. | ||
| Like he will watch a movie and just keep his heart rate pegged at 143. 43, 146 beats a minute for two and a half hours. | ||
| Just because he wants to fucking beat you guys. | ||
| Yeah, he just wants to win. | ||
| And he's been talking mad shit about it. | ||
| At first I was like, you know what, this contest is so fucking stupid. | ||
| There's no real stakes. | ||
| We haven't established what happens to the loser. | ||
| We haven't established what the winner gets other than a belt. | ||
| We have a belt, a silver October belt. | ||
| Like a WWE belt. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Getting one made. | ||
| That's so funny, but it's all just wanting to beat your friends. | ||
| Yes, and for a while I was like, fuck, I'm just going to do my normal workout, and if they beat me, they beat me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then I thought about it, and I was like, I can't let that happen. | |
| So I started ramping it up. | ||
| I decided over the last couple of days, I took three days off because I had to go to Vegas and I had to work, and then I decided yesterday I'm going to fuck these guys up. | ||
| So yesterday and today, I've been hitting it hard. | ||
| I did three and a half hours today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Do you feel good? | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| And physically, do you feel different? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do or do not feel different, like, being completely sober? | ||
| Well, I'm definitely high as fuck from all this running. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no doubt about that. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Like, runner's high is legit. | ||
| Like, if you run for two hours and then a rock falls in your car from the sky, you'll be like, hmm, guess I lost my car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You get so silly. | ||
| And I get the same way from yoga. | ||
| You get silly. | ||
| There's a silliness to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hate running so much. | ||
| I fucking hate it. | ||
| I'd rather go, like, I started playing soccer again. | ||
| Soccer's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a serious aerobic workout. | ||
| That's intense. | ||
| Like, I finished that. | ||
| My problem is I turn bright red as soon as I do anything with any, and I'm like, the color, like a deep maroon. | ||
| And I'm like, but it's great. | ||
| But I need a game attached to it. | ||
| I can't just run. | ||
| That's why jujitsu is so good for me. | ||
| That's what I love about jujitsu. | ||
| You're doing something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You're trying to, you know, you're doing a martial art. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's exhausting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And you get a great workout in while you're having fun. | ||
| Beating the shit out of somebody. | ||
| Yeah, choking people. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| I'm like, I'll go play soccer. | ||
| And then slightly injure myself. | ||
| Now, as I'm getting older, it's like every time I do it, I do something to fuck up my body. | ||
| You definitely can do that. | ||
| You know what we have here that's amazing? | ||
| We have this HTC Vive. | ||
| It's a virtual reality headset. | ||
| And there's a boxing game. | ||
| So you put this headset on, and you see boxing gloves in front of you, and there's a dude in front of you who looks really good. | ||
| And you throw punches, and his head snaps back. | ||
| So you get that aerobic workout without pounding your fucking head. | ||
| And when he hits you, you see sparks. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Like he hit you. | ||
| Yeah, you don't feel anything, but it makes you nervous. | ||
| Like, damn, he got me! | ||
| I've done rounds where you fight these people, and you get exhausted. | ||
| Boxing seems to be a crazy aerobic workout. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The getting hit in the head thing is fucking terrible for you, though. | ||
| It's so bad for you. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I've been so averse to that shit. | ||
| I was talking to Louie about that because he was boxing for a while, and he was like, I love sparring. | ||
| I go, you're sparring? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, how often are you sparring? | ||
| And he's like, you're sparring quite a bit. | ||
| I go, dude, I go, I know you're having a good time, but you have to understand, there's real consequences to this. | ||
| You're getting in car accidents constantly. | ||
| You're getting hit. | ||
| If you're getting hit in the head, that counts. | ||
| And you're doing it when you're 48 years old, and you're fat, so you're not moving a lot. | ||
| You don't got great head movement and shit. | ||
| And your muscles aren't there to take whatever that... | ||
| There's real consequences to getting hit. | ||
| So how often do you do that? | ||
| I don't do that at all. | ||
| You never get hit in the head? | ||
| No, I don't do it at all. | ||
| No. | ||
| I stopped doing it a long time ago. | ||
| I hit the bag, I'll hit pads, and I'll light spar with someone who I know real well where I won't hit them. | ||
| If we touch each other, it'll be like this. | ||
| But what about all... | ||
| Jiu Jitsu is different because it's just choking and the arm bars and stuff like that. | ||
| There's no hitting each other. | ||
| The hitting in the head is fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to hit people. | ||
| It's fun to not get hit. | ||
| It feels good to take a shot and give one back. | ||
| But the consequences are real. | ||
| And I see too much of it. | ||
| I see this slow... | ||
| It's degrading of your cognitive ability. | ||
| I've seen it in too many people. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Do you think anything's going to happen with football? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think people are going to wise up. | ||
| I think fighting is way better for you than football, and I think fighting is terrible for you. | ||
| I think football is the worst because they're running at each other full clip and slamming into each other. | ||
| All day. | ||
| It's like driving off a cliff. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| It's fucking nuts. | ||
| We have a friend and they have a kid who's in high school who has severe depression from football. | ||
| He's all fucked up from football. | ||
| And they can't believe that it happened so fast. | ||
| I would go, how long has he been playing? | ||
| Like, he's been playing for a couple years. | ||
| He's been getting smashed in the head for years. | ||
| Because it's just like, when you watch a football practice, those dudes are just like, boom! | ||
| And less and less now, I think they're finally realizing. | ||
| But when we were growing up, all my buddies played football. | ||
| Every drill was like, alright, stand in a circle and let's have these dudes fucking run into each other full speed over and over. | ||
| You know what they're finding out now? | ||
| That getting hit in the body is as bad as getting hit in the head. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Because when you get slammed in the body, your head snaps back. | ||
| And your brain goes whoosh whoosh inside your fucking skull. | ||
| And you think that concussions only come from getting a head injury. | ||
| That's not the case. | ||
| They're finding that people get concussions from getting hit in the body. | ||
| So this is pure ignorance. | ||
| In boxing or whatever, when a guy gets knocked out, that's a concussion, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, most of the time. | ||
| And so those guys are just getting... | ||
| They're getting concussions all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they get concussions even when they win sometimes. | ||
| There's a guy named Joe Valtellini who's been on the show before. | ||
| He's a world championship kickboxer. | ||
| He had to retire after he won the title. | ||
| He won the fight. | ||
| And then afterwards, his head injury was so severe, he couldn't look at the light from a charger from a phone. | ||
| You know, like a phone charger? | ||
| He had to be in total darkness for months at a time. | ||
| Or for weeks at a time, rather. | ||
| And what saved him was actually CBD oil. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, CBD oil is pretty good at reducing inflammation. | ||
| It's pretty radical in its effect. | ||
| And that brought it all down for him. | ||
| I haven't tried CBD oil very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| For pain and stuff like that? | ||
| It's great for pain. | ||
| It's great for anxiety. | ||
| And one of the more important things is it doesn't fuck with you like... | ||
| Cognitively. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't make you high. | ||
| It's not right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you can do it and just go do stuff, but it alleviates anxiety, calms you down. | ||
| They think that some anxiety may coincide with inflammation. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like physical inflammation that it... | ||
| Yeah, so when you take the oil drops, it's also good for just your overall, your whole system, your gut biome. | ||
| It's good for everything. | ||
| Yeah, I've just been smoking weed forever. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| That helps. | ||
| I went to Burning Man this year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh. | |
| I had just a fucking wild time. | ||
| I know you've talked about it. | ||
| I'd never done acid before. | ||
| I did acid for the first time. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| It was fascinating. | ||
| I've done mushrooms somewhat regularly for most of my adult life. | ||
| Not crazy amounts, but once a year, depending on... | ||
| And always loved it. | ||
| I was like, if I were left with one thing, it might be that one. | ||
| Because I like the... | ||
| Warmth, like the organic, the giggles, the warmth, and everything. | ||
| You love everybody. | ||
| I love everybody, and it is. | ||
| When people used to talk about what ecstasy was, I was like, oh, that's mushrooms. | ||
| You just feel giggly and warm and connected. | ||
| But I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to Burning Man. | ||
| A couple buddies were like, I've done this acid before, and I haven't read the Michael Pollan book, but I was like, enough, there's enough, and I know you've been talking about it, there's enough around there that I'm like, I'm ready. | ||
| Because I remember in my late 20s, someone was trying to buy mushrooms, and they were like, I got acid, and I was like... | ||
| I'm not going to do it. | ||
| At least when we were kids, there was that fear that you do acid, you could fry your brain forever. | ||
| Yeah, you never come back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I don't know if that was the kind of acid people were doing, or if it's just people were doing a ton of it. | ||
| They think now that what that is, it's people that are schizophrenic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's a certain percentage of the population, like they were trying to make a correlation between... | ||
| Marijuana use and schizophrenia, that it causes schizophrenia, but they found that the numbers are the same as the general population. | ||
| The numbers of people who use marijuana become schizophrenic is the same numbers. | ||
| It's just you take a hundred people, there's going to be one of them that's going to be schizophrenic, whatever the number is, whether it's 1% or higher. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And they think, though, that it can exacerbate the situation and it can actually bring it on. | ||
| Like, say, maybe if someone has maybe sort of a manageable... | ||
| Because schizophrenia exists like many diseases do on a spectrum. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know, there's really bad cancer and these people have a mild cancer that they get over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, with schizophrenics, if they do acid or if they do even edible marijuana apparently can bring it on. | ||
| Shit, man. | ||
| I don't think I'm schizophrenic, but anytime I eat pot, I feel like I am. | ||
| I can't eat it. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I'm just like immediately like... | ||
| The thing is a little... | ||
| You got to do baby doses. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| The key with... | ||
| Edible marijuana is great at about 10 to 20 milligrams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then you get to that Joey Diaz level where he's doing 500, 1,000. | ||
| He's a big boy. | ||
| He's not just... | ||
| But even he quit. | ||
| He quit edibles. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he quit. | ||
| I can't, I just like, early on I was like, I tried edibles and I just remember, I remember being in Austin, I don't know if it was South By or whatever, and I had like a cookie, like a little bit of a, it was earlier, much earlier than now how regulated things are, and I ate a little bit and like went back to my hotel room and I was like... | ||
| Ooh, I can't even look. | ||
| I was like, I can't look at the screen. | ||
| And I just, like, walked the streets, went to the city, the capital, the state capital, and just, like, looked at the, like, portraits of the former governors of Texas. | ||
| And then was like, got, like, sober-ish. | ||
| And then my buddies were like, we're going to a gun range. | ||
| And I was like, all right. | ||
| I went to a gun range. | ||
| And I was like, I'm not firing a gun, but I'll just, like... | ||
| And I was like, this is... | ||
| It was, like, eight hours later, and I'm still, like, a mess. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| But I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to Burning Man. | ||
| I'm going to try acid. | ||
| I went with my buddy. | ||
| It was my college roommate. | ||
| Neither of us had done it before. | ||
| A guy had given it to us who was like, I've done this acid. | ||
| I know how to do it. | ||
| He's like, I recommend taking some of this acid and listening to classical music and eating fruit. | ||
| That was his. | ||
| And I was like, all right. | ||
| Listen to classical music and eat fruit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, I like classical music and I like fruit. | ||
| So I was like, this sounds great. | ||
| I was like, so we're out in the fucking desert and we eat it on our last day. | ||
| And have you been to Burning Man? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought it was... | ||
| I was kind of blown away. | ||
| I found it... | ||
| I enjoyed it very, very much. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| I mean, it's like... | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was like people executing whatever they're doing incredibly well. | ||
| And there's a lot of different versions of it and stuff, but it's kind of... | ||
| There's a lot of pranksters there. | ||
| It's actually not. | ||
| There's a hippy-dippy quality to it, but then there's some real people kind of fucking with people in a fun way that I got a kick out of. | ||
| But we took acid at, I don't know, four, and we're driving around the desert. | ||
| Everyone's on bikes. | ||
| You're just on a bike driving around. | ||
| Did you have to wear a mask? | ||
| No, the dust was fine. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| And we start kind of feeling it. | ||
| I've had visuals on mushrooms before, but this all of a sudden, the meltiness of everything started to set in. | ||
| Have you done Acid in the Desert before? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never in the desert. | ||
| It's a good place for it. | ||
| Just because visually what's happening is pretty interesting. | ||
| We're driving around on bikes and we see these... | ||
| Immediately then some couple is like, can you take a picture of us as we try to do a duo yoga pose with the sunset? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Okay, I'm trying to deal with my camera. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're like, okay, I think this is what you want. | |
| And then we drive away from there, and there are these porn stars who were taking pictures of themselves. | ||
| And I was like, we're in the Burning Man spirit. | ||
| We're like, well, give them the gift. | ||
| Of our music. | ||
| And, like, they don't want... | ||
| They don't want... | ||
| I'm not even hitting nothing. | ||
| I'm just, like, literally, like, driving around. | ||
| We've got our little, like, you know, our little Bluetooth speaker playing classical music. | ||
| And they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They don't want any of it. | ||
| And then we go and sit. | ||
| And we're just now starting to peak right at sunset in the desert. | ||
| And it's, like... | ||
| It was like, oh, this feels like some version of what Heaven feels like, you know, like where the sky, the colors in the sky are unbelievable and all of a sudden all the desert, all the sand, you know, it's like this real fine alkaline dust. | ||
| And it's like, you feel like you're seeing some real, like, grid work, you know? | ||
| I don't know if you have that feeling where you're like, oh, I can feel like I'm seeing some underlying dynamics of the structural stuff. | ||
| I've seen that on mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, where it feels like you're witness to the pattern of things. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, there's some sort of... | ||
| Yeah, the structure of things. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what it felt like. | ||
| You were like... | ||
| You're looking at this crazy... | ||
| Veneer. | ||
| Yeah, so you're seeing this sand, this very fine light sand with the really red mountains and then the blue... | ||
| Really crisp blue sky with the white clouds, and it felt like you were like, oh, I'm seeing some structural shit that's going on. | ||
| It was quite... | ||
| And we're listening to this guy, Eric Satie, who's like a classical musician, and eating cherries. | ||
| And we're like, this is pretty fucking sweet. | ||
| That's cool that you followed it to a T. You went with the fruit and the music. | ||
| We were like, why not? | ||
| Let's just have it. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| And I think classical music is... | ||
| But it was interesting, because I... So then the sun sets, and it's like, even at the height of it, it didn't feel warm like mushrooms have felt. | ||
| It felt like... | ||
| Clinical. | ||
| Clinical, exactly. | ||
| That's exactly the word. | ||
| I have a theory about that. | ||
| It's very interesting that you said you took it riding bikes, too, because that's in a lot of ways an homage to Albert Hoffman. | ||
| That's how he found out about it. | ||
| You know, he synthesized LSD and, you know, got it in his skin when he was working with it and then rode his bike home. | ||
| And on the bike ride home, realized, oh my god, I'm fucking tripping balls here. | ||
| Without even knowing what tripping was. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he... | ||
| He knew something was going on. | ||
| He made it. | ||
| I mean, he made... | ||
| I believe... | ||
| Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the initial reason for creating... | ||
| I think they were they were trying to come up with a drug to induce labor I'm pretty sure that was the original I think that's what they were working on and in the process synthesized LSD and LSD as a compound and it's One of those unbelievably potent compounds where someone... | ||
| I think it was Terrence McKenna described it as the power to weight ratio is so huge that it's like if you had one ant that dismantled the Statue of Liberty in 30 minutes. | ||
| That's how potent LSD is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, I took... | ||
| I think I actually said the Empire State Building. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| I took a responsible amount. | ||
| I was like, I don't need to lose my mind here. | ||
| I've only micro-dosed it. | ||
| Well, one time I doubled the micro, but still, it was a small dose. | ||
| But it was enough to just like, hmm. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| I had planned the synthesis of the compound with the intention of obtaining a circulatory and respiratory stimulant, Hoffman wrote. | ||
| The new substance, however, arose no special interest in our pharmacologists and physicians. | ||
| Testing was therefore discontinued. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Maybe because he was on his bike. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Not knowing. | ||
| He was not after, like, a psychedelic drug experience. | ||
| No, I don't believe so. | ||
| Dosed at 420 p.m., y'all. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Go down a little bit. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| He dosed himself at 420. It was most intense from 6 to 8 p.m. | ||
| during that time. | ||
| He rode home on his bicycle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's the best. | ||
| It feels great. | ||
| So we sort of are peaking around sunset. | ||
| And it feels like I'm with my buddy of 20 years. | ||
| I've known him since college. | ||
| We've gone through our lives together. | ||
| And there's that thing when you trip where you're like, that space-time continuum thing. | ||
| It feels less linear time where you're like, I'm having thoughts that I had 20 years ago, and I'm having them today, and I'm going to have them in 20 years. | ||
| The linear nature of all this feels a little less... | ||
| And I'm with my buddy who's been a witness to my life. | ||
| So we're having this great, large conversation about our lives and all that shit, and the sun's setting. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And then it gets dark, and it's like... | ||
| All right, let's go watch the man burn now. | ||
| Like, you know, at Burning Man, everybody gathers. | ||
| 70,000 people gather. | ||
| You go to this big central area where the man who's been sitting there for seven days is in. | ||
| There's like a crazy fire starter show. | ||
| Fireworks go off, and then you burn this like 30-foot man. | ||
| And it's dark, and it's night, and it's like... | ||
| It was the other side. | ||
| It felt like heaven and hell, you know? | ||
| Like, where you're all of a sudden... | ||
| And that's where I felt like... | ||
| It was weird, because that's where I felt the clinical thing, where I'm like, I feel sort of high, but I now feel actually quite sober. | ||
| And I felt like I'm witnessing these things, and I feel removed from them in a way that when you're... | ||
| I feel like when you're... | ||
| On mushrooms in some way, you feel kind of inside of the flow of nature. | ||
| But I was also like, by the time the end of Burning Man, there are people there all week and building it and putting all this stuff together and artists, it's interesting. | ||
| And then there is definitely a section of Burning Man which is just super wealthy people showing up for debauchery and to be around models who are nearly naked. | ||
| And it's like, and that's when, and you look around and the aesthetic of Burning Man is like somewhere between like Mad Max, Game of Thrones and Tron. | ||
| It's somewhere in that space, which is fucking rad. | ||
| But then when you're kind of on acid and you're kind of looking around, and I had this feeling of like, ugh, the rich are here to collect their spoils. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Do you think that having the great experience of seeing the sky and the desert and all the beauty, and when you're like, wow, this is amazing, and then when you have something like a fire, and then on top of that you have a giant group of people, And then you realize there's not really a lot of law enforcement here. | ||
| This seems like it could be completely chaotic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it is. | ||
| The fire itself is protected because I think someone ran into the fire last year. | ||
| He died, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking killed himself. | ||
| Ran right into that fire. | ||
| This year it was like... | ||
| This year was pretty well regulated, like, because we had seen a couple nights before at Sunrise, there was like, you know, they have all this, it's... | ||
| What I found to it was like the kind of the duality of it all. | ||
| Like, Burning Man feels very much like there's this, like, sacred and profane shit all happening together, and it's oftentimes pretty cool. | ||
| And, like... | ||
| Sunrise a couple mornings earlier, there's this 20-foot wooden dragonfly statue that someone had built, and they light it on fire. | ||
| They're just like, now we're going to burn it. | ||
| Some dude had spent a year making this statue, and he's like, now we're going to fucking burn it. | ||
| And so there were park rangers all around it, and so there's no getting inside. | ||
| They light it on fire, and then the sun rises over to the left, and then I looked up, and there were like 30 people parachuting out of the sky. | ||
| At sunrise. | ||
| And you're just like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| But it was really cool. | ||
| I really enjoyed that. | ||
| But by the time Saturday rolled around, you know, there is something about fire that's very primal. | ||
| And you can feel like there's some pagan quality to it all. | ||
| And it's cool, but it's like you could feel like everybody's energy kind of getting... | ||
| A little darker and more primal. | ||
| And I hit a point where I was like, alright guys, I gotta get out of this 70,000. | ||
| And I also had a fear of like, I wasn't scared of the fire. | ||
| I was scared of like, I was seated watching and I was like, I'm scared of a trampling. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean by like the giant group of people and then also with a fire and and then a gathering When when you're dealing with a big gathering there's always the potential for someone acting out whether they just need a lot of attention or they go crazy or I mean think about adverse reactions to psychedelics yes and 70,000 people the potential for something going haywire is pretty high Yeah. | ||
| What I found interesting over the whole week was – because I was pretty skeptical. | ||
| I didn't go in. | ||
| I went in being like, I want to experience this thing that a lot of people have experienced. | ||
| I just want to, like, know what that experience is. | ||
| But what I found fascinating is there's some law enforcement around. | ||
| There's some rangers around. | ||
| But there's really no – it's pretty anarchical. | ||
| Like, there's really very little – But in so much, there's actually, like, some unspoken rules that basically everybody's kind of following, which I found kind of fascinating, where, like, there's no... | ||
| Everybody's on bikes. | ||
| There are crazy art cars running around with, like... | ||
| Fucking shooting fire into the air. | ||
| There seems to be no regulatory board being like, let me make sure that your crazy 30-foot, three-tiered, iron car is up to standards. | ||
| There seems to be very little of that, and yet it all seems to function pretty smoothly. | ||
| Like there's like some unspoken acceptance of certain rules. | ||
| I'm sure there are people freaking out. | ||
| I know there are people like, but it's mostly people like being like, I took too much drugs and I didn't hydrate. | ||
| And like they go to the medic and they're, but like weirdly I found it all operating pretty smoothly. | ||
| But that's when the acid then sort of turned a bit where I was like, there's some darkness here that I want to get away from. | ||
| Well, it seems like whenever you have a situation where you get a bunch of people that want to do something outside the norm, they want to get together and they want to experience... | ||
| Experience something that's just, they're bored with society and this is their big break and it seems like there's so much expectations and there's kind of a code that these people want to follow. | ||
| And that code is that, you know, it's almost like a utopian vision of a better society, even if it's for only a week or so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think it works for a week. | ||
| Like, I don't know if society... | ||
| I don't know how a society would function in, like, largely lawless... | ||
| I mean, the biggest rules are, like, don't put your trash anywhere. | ||
| Like, there's no garbage cans anywhere. | ||
| Don't pee outside. | ||
| Like, pee in a porta potty. | ||
| Pee in a jug. | ||
| Take it back. | ||
| Dump it out. | ||
| Because there's, like, no mark. | ||
| Leave no mark. | ||
| And it works. | ||
| But I guess it works for a week. | ||
| Where you're, like, everybody's agreed for that week. | ||
| And then you go back to your life. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I got a fucking kick out of it. | ||
| There's one night... | ||
| There are all these crazy light shows. | ||
| At night, it becomes this crazy Tron light show everywhere you look. | ||
| The horizon, for as far as you can see, is just people on bikes that are all lit up. | ||
| Crazy art cars. | ||
| Crazy pieces of art that are lit up. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| Really wild. | ||
| But like you go, you know, you ride around bikes and all of a sudden we like roll up to this area where there's like a mechanical arm holding these lights that are LED lights that are in a circle. | ||
| And you lie below it and it's like a light show, you know. | ||
| But it's this like vortex light show. | ||
| So everybody's kind of looking up at it and it's really trippy and fun. | ||
| Everyone's like, whoa, it's so trippy. | ||
| And I laid down. | ||
| I was like, this is red. | ||
| And then this dude rolls up. | ||
| My friend sees this... | ||
| You know those costumes of, like, those, like, Tyrannosaurus Rex, like, that they're inflated and they kind of are, like... | ||
| You know, you see, like, dudes, like, walking around. | ||
| They're, like, individual-sized things, but they're, like... | ||
| It's super weird. | ||
| So I look at this guy and I start cracking up. | ||
| And my buddy just took that... | ||
| Tyrannosaurus Rex and walked him through the middle of everybody having their quiet, trippy moment. | ||
| So this Tyrannosaurus Rex just kind of rolls through and everybody's just like, hey! | ||
| And he's just like, he was here before you. | ||
| So it's kind of fun. | ||
| It's just like everybody's having their trippy moment and then it gets fucked up. | ||
| And then a minute later, they're back to their trippy moment. | ||
| I got a fucking kick out of it. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if that would work long-term either, because you'd have to have resources, right? | ||
| You'd have to have food and water and land, and then who controls the food, water, and land? | ||
| I think one of the things, the reason why it works so well is because it's outside of culture, or it's outside of civilization. | ||
| You go to a place and everybody meets there. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, nobody has an established, like, dominance or domain over it at all. | ||
| You just are entering on the same page. | ||
| We've been talking about this a lot lately, like, cults never work. | ||
| Like, there's not a single, like, one of these wild, wild country things, or, you know, Waco, or the guys in, what was the one in San Diego where they cut their balls off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Heaven's Gate. | |
| Yeah, Heaven's Gate. | ||
| They never work. | ||
| They never work. | ||
| No one has nailed it. | ||
| How come no one can... | ||
| But Burning Man's kind of nailed it. | ||
| But the way they nailed it is they just do it for a little bit and then they go back to life. | ||
| Yeah, and I guess the guy who founded it or passed away this past year. | ||
| So they think he was in the middle of the burn this year. | ||
| But even he... | ||
| It's not a cult of personality. | ||
| I think that's the thing. | ||
| If you decentralize that... | ||
| And at the center of it is this fucking man-burning. | ||
| I think if you take that element away... | ||
| I think the problem with cults is... | ||
| Is there any cult that isn't driven by one central force? | ||
| It's always a person. | ||
| It's always a person and it always gets fucked up because that person... | ||
| It's always playing off of this weird alpha chimpanzee instinct that we have to have like a big daddy, the daddy that has all the messages and is in touch with God or the UFO behind the asteroid or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| There's always this one person, whether it's Jim Jones or fill in the blank. | ||
| There's someone who has all the answers. | ||
| And there's a weird desire that people have to look to this one person that has all the answers. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a tribal thing. | ||
| It's a tribal thing, and it's specifically if you're someone who gets into a cult, you are searching for something. | ||
| You're searching for some solidity or something, and if you've got that person at the middle, it's like, I got you. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I'll give you the way it all fucking works. | ||
| People are like, oh, thank God. | ||
| But I was thinking about Scientology and being like, well, shit, man. | ||
| Tom Cruise, if you can learn to fly a helicopter in four months, maybe it's not so bad. | ||
| Bill Burr can fly a helicopter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| He didn't use Scientology. | ||
| No. | ||
| He used a helicopter instructor. | ||
| Yeah, but it took him probably a couple years. | ||
| I don't think it took him that long. | ||
| But Bill Burr did fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bill Burr is a dude who likes to figure stuff out. | ||
| Yeah, he's a really good drummer. | ||
| Have you ever seen him drum? | ||
| I mean, no. | ||
| I think I've seen a YouTube of it. | ||
| He's fucking really good. | ||
| He could be in a band. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in his cars, he is building that truck. | ||
| Yeah, that old 68. What is it? | ||
| A 68 Ford pickup truck, I think it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think so. | |
| Yeah, that thing's cool. | ||
| That's got a manual transmission on the column. | ||
| It's one of those weird old school ones where you shift the gears like next to the steering wheel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's how they used to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they called it three on the tree. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he fucking loves it. | ||
| I mean, that's a brain that likes that stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And likes to like wants to learn to master flying a helicopter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a couple of improvisers I know too who were like, I think Thomas Middleditch learned to fly a plane, my buddy Neil Casey. | ||
| I'm like, that stuff is a real, I'm like, hobbyists in that way. | ||
| I'm just like, I don't care. | ||
| You don't have any hobbies? | ||
| I like hiking. | ||
| That's a good hobby. | ||
| And I like... | ||
| That's a good exercise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My brain wants it. | ||
| My brain wants that and I do yoga now. | ||
| Do you do the hot yoga or regular yoga? | ||
| Regular yoga. | ||
| Do you do hot yoga? | ||
| Yeah, I like hot yoga. | ||
| Just get that fucking sweat. | ||
| Yeah, there's a study that they just did on it, or they're in the process of doing it right now at Harvard, where they're trying to find out whether you can get similar results to sauna that you get from hot yoga, because they think it's a similar situation that's happening with what's called cytokines, or heat shock proteins. | ||
| And what they showed in these sauna studies is that 20 minutes a day, four times a week, decreased all-cause mortality by 40%. | ||
| All-cause mortality meaning heart attack, stroke, cancer. | ||
| From just sweating it out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, your body reacts to that extreme heat. | ||
| When it's, I believe the number, what did Rana say? | ||
| Was it 180? | ||
| I think she said 180 degrees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, 170, 180, something like that. | |
| Something like that. | ||
| 170 or 180. And you do that for 20 minutes, four times a week, and there's a radical decreasing of your overall systemic inflammation because of that. | ||
| Getting it that hot makes you less inflamed because it's like, all right, we got it out of our system there. | ||
| Well, your body reacts to it. | ||
| Your body reacts to that heat and it produces these heat shock proteins. | ||
| And these heat shock proteins apparently are just fantastic at decreasing inflammation all throughout your body. | ||
| I gotta figure that out. | ||
| It's all bass for me is like turning red. | ||
| Yeah, dude, I have one here. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| I use it all the time, almost every day. | ||
| You just sweat it out, go in there. | ||
| I just crank that bitch up, and I found that AirPods, you can put AirPods in, and they don't overheat. | ||
| Your phone will overheat. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You can't have your phone in there, it'll shut off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you can have your phone outside the salon and have the AirPods on, and you can just listen to a podcast or listen to a book on tape. | ||
| What are you listening to? | ||
| Usually podcasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yours? | ||
| Do you listen to your podcasts? | ||
| No. | ||
| I listen to mine if it sucked or if it's something that I need to, like Rhonda Patrick, like when she's spouting out science and I have to hear it over and over again to get it into my stupid brain. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or if I, like, that podcast sucked and I need to listen to it to find out where it went off the rails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that the bummer of trying to be good at what you do, is paying more attention to the shit that doesn't work? | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Like bad sets, bad comedy sets, I always listen to those. | ||
| Do you listen to those? | ||
| I fucking hate them. | ||
| I don't even like listening to the good ones, but the bad ones are ruthlessly painful. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta listen to the good ones because I'm like, what did I... It's like, not like, what was so special about me, but being like, oh, I improvised this, this, and this. | ||
| Oh, that's big too, yeah. | ||
| But the problem is, like, part of the joy, the reason it was fun is because it felt fresh. | ||
| And then you try to recreate it, and it just doesn't have the same fucking juice. | ||
| It's possible to recreate some things. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Some things, they were in the moment. | ||
| There's a thing that the audience knows, too. | ||
| Have you ever seen a guy who's faking improvising? | ||
| It's the saddest thing ever. | ||
| When you see someone work the crowd, and then you go, this guy's brilliant. | ||
| And then you see him the next night, and he does the same shit. | ||
| And you go, oh, it's a trick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a moment that happens when you're improvising with an audience where someone says something and you just have the perfect response out of nowhere. | ||
| They know that you just came up with it out of nowhere and it just works. | ||
| But there's also lines that you add to a bit that just came up out of nowhere and maybe they just crushed that night, but they're still viable. | ||
| There's something to it. | ||
| You just have to figure out how to recreate it. | ||
| Yes, but it's that feeling also of not wanting to be a... | ||
| How do you build material on stage, keep it, have it feel fresh without feeling like a fraud, like a parlor magician? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Which is sort of like the tricky thing to do. | ||
| You gotta be less self-aware and you gotta be more involved, for me at least, I have to be more connected to the idea that I'm saying. | ||
| I have to recreate my own personal wonderment that's involved in the idea. | ||
| Because they can smell it if you're not. | ||
| You have to really be in the moment. | ||
| If you're doing a bit about bottled water, you have to be thinking about bottled water. | ||
| You have to be like, what in the fuck? | ||
| And then it has to be real. | ||
| But if you're not thinking about it and you're just saying the words... | ||
| They fucking smell it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're little smelly animals. | ||
| They fucking know it, man. | ||
| Yeah, even when they're psyched to see you and they like you, they're still like, nah, it's a weird thing. | ||
| Yeah, you're not in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you gotta be warm. | ||
| Are you back out? | ||
| I mean, I've seen you doing spots. | ||
| You're back out building a new material. | ||
| Yeah, I'm at like 25, 30 minutes. | ||
| It's a grind. | ||
| It's a grind, man. | ||
| I do my show. | ||
| We write Big Mouth. | ||
| It takes us five, six months to write and voice it. | ||
| And when I'm writing all day, it's tough to go out and do spots at night. | ||
| What was it like to break it up to do your Broadway gig for a while? | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| I mean, that was the most fun. | ||
| That was like, me and Mulaney do, we did it off-Broadway for like 25 days, something like that, and then toured it a little bit five days in Boston, five days in D.C., L.A., New York, whatever. | ||
| Not New York. | ||
| And then we went back and did the Broadway show. | ||
| We did 140 shows. | ||
| Like 138 shows every night, you know, five show weekends. | ||
| And that was the most fun. | ||
| That was the most fun. | ||
| Because you're on stage with your buddy. | ||
| So you got someone, even on the nights it's not working. | ||
| You know when you're doing a show and you're like, I know they like me, but this is not fun. | ||
| They're tired, whatever. | ||
| But you're up there alone. | ||
| All of a sudden you got someone else up there who you can make eye contact with and be like, fuck these fucking eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Let's fuck with him a little bit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Without saying a word, we both know we're like, let's fuck with him tonight. | ||
| And because we wrote it, we could improvise, change whatever we wanted every night. | ||
| It was like having a stand-up set that you could improvise with your buddy in character that was... | ||
| You knew every beat you had to hit, but you had a lot of freedom within it. | ||
| It was the most fun. | ||
| So it's like stand-up, but... | ||
| Not. | ||
| Yeah, like it was largely, we built it to be presentational so we could talk to the audience at any point. | ||
| Because there's something about doing like a play or even when I was early on doing sketch, it's embarrassing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're like, I guess we're going to pretend like we're in a fucking Chinese restaurant right now, but you're in the audience. | ||
| We're all in the same room right now. | ||
| It sucks to not be able to do a joke and not have it work and not be able to talk to the audience about it. | ||
| Or be angry at the audience directly, or whatever it is. | ||
| So we could do that. | ||
| So we were presentational like you're doing stand-up, but we've written this play that has real scenes in it. | ||
| And then we built in an interview in the middle where we would interview different people. | ||
| Like on the Netflix special, it's Steve Martin. | ||
| And we also had Michael J. Fox on the special as well. | ||
| But every night it was someone different. | ||
| And it was anyone from, you know... | ||
| We got Letterman to do it, but we also had like Robin Bird. | ||
| Remember Robin Bird? | ||
| She was the Channel J cable access porn stripper interview show in New York in like the 80s and 90s. | ||
| There's no reason you would know it except if like you were 13 and going to sleep at your friend's house in the city and jerking off the fucking strippers getting interviewed like I was. | ||
| I kind of remember the name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I kind of remember that scene. | ||
| If you Google Robin Bird, you'll see some old, there she is. | ||
| You know, it was like, you could see just the quality of that kind of like cable access 80s New York shit. | ||
| We had her on the show because we felt like our boys would be interacting with Robin Bird, you know? | ||
| So we'd have her and then we had like, you know, crazy. | ||
| So every night we got to interview someone different. | ||
| It's like a mini live podcast in the middle of the show. | ||
| So we just built the most fun show for us to do every night. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was the most fun. | ||
| And then we finished that and then came back and I did that. | ||
| We wrote that. | ||
| We did that in between season one and season two of Big Mouth because it takes so long to write it and then to animate it and all that stuff. | ||
| So that was... | ||
| So we wrote and voiced most of Big Mouth Season 2 before, you know, last year. | ||
| It just takes forever. | ||
| So in the time that you did it, did you do stand-up at all while you were doing it or just did it? | ||
| While we were doing Oh Hello, there was no stand-up at all. | ||
| When we were doing Big Mouth, I'd go out and do like a couple spots, you know, here and there. | ||
| That's exhausting, right? | ||
| Time-wise? | ||
| Yeah, it's just like nine hours, ten hours, and you're just pitching jokes all day long, and it's like, you know, for me, I do a bunch of the voices on the show, so I'm pitching for myself, I'm pitching for my, you know, all the other characters, and you're just, at any given moment, you're watching, you're writing, You're breaking an episode. | ||
| You're rewriting another episode. | ||
| You're giving notes on a radio play of just the audio. | ||
| You're giving notes on the animatic screening that's coming black, you know, which is like the black and white kind of rough draft. | ||
| And you're giving notes on a color screening that's come back from Korea from like six months ago. | ||
| So you're kind of at any given moment, you're rewriting, especially when you're in the middle of the season. | ||
| You're just kind of you're just yeah, you're just given your rewrite. | ||
| It's the beauty of animation, too, that you just keep getting to fucking, you know, figure stuff out when something's not working or just keep, you know, it's good for that kind of perfectionist polisher of, like, what you're talking about where you're like, what's not working? | ||
| You keep getting to figure out what's not working, you know, versus, like, live action where you're like, I hope I got it. | ||
| It's got to be. | ||
| That's incredibly time-consuming, and it must be exhausting. | ||
| Yeah, it kind of is. | ||
| It's at the end of the day, you're like, am I going to go out and do a spot now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think there's a balance, right? | ||
| You can't burn yourself out too much, because then you won't have the jokes for the next day. | ||
| You'll be too fried. | ||
| You've got to pace yourself. | ||
| I mean, everybody works differently. | ||
| Our pacing is pretty good. | ||
| You're, you're, you, yeah. | ||
| I mean, there are certain times where I'm like, ooh, I feel cooked. | ||
| But it's like anything else where you're like, you train your brain in that space where you're like, the first two weeks you come home, your brain is exhausted at the end of the night. | ||
| And then two weeks in, you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| I got my endurance back up. | ||
| I can do that nine hour day. | ||
| What did you do to keep your energy level during the day? | ||
| Did you take any nootropics or do anything like that? | ||
| No, I would actually be curious because I get hammered at like 2.30pm. | ||
| I want to nap. | ||
| And I can't. | ||
| But I'm not thinking or acting like you are. | ||
| So I'm like coffee in the morning and then I crash and I eat sugar and then I fucking crash. | ||
| I don't know what I'm supposed to be... | ||
| I'll take any advice you got. | ||
| I would say that the sugar part is the biggest thing you should get rid of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing that makes you crash the hardest because you're eating donuts and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking turkeys. | |
| They taste delicious, but your body has a really hard time processing that shit, and afterwards you just... | ||
| Like, the other day I was in Vegas, and because it was on a Sunday, I was like, ah, fuck it, man, I'll just have some pancakes or something like that. | ||
| So I had crepes, and I had this yogurt with all this, it was like, you know, flavored vanilla yogurt with fruit in it and shit, and I had, oh, and I had two cupcakes, or two donuts, because they had homemade donuts at the hotel. | ||
| I was like, alright, I'll get a couple of donuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I felt like dog shit for the next six hours. | ||
| I was just like, oh. | ||
| I felt like I had been drugged. | ||
| Like I was exhausted. | ||
| Well, your body's probably truly not used to it. | ||
| I've trained my body. | ||
| Yeah, you train your body. | ||
| You get accustomed to it. | ||
| Yeah, but I think there's a certain amount of... | ||
| You get accustomed to that terrible feeling, and it's just the normal feeling that you have after you eat. | ||
| But even after like... | ||
| Even let's say I have like a greens and protein lunch, where I'm like, fuck it, I'm having a salad with chicken or something like that. | ||
| Still, I just hit that, like, my body wants 15 minutes to close its eyes at like 2.30pm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever is happening. | ||
| Do you just lay on the couch in your office for a little bit? | ||
| I'll do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| I need to schedule a better end of the day to be like, hey guys, I'm walking away right now. | ||
| Because that's all it needs is like 15 minutes. | ||
| But what is it? | ||
| There's a bunch of different companies that make them. | ||
| What they are is essentially the building blocks for human neurotransmitters. | ||
| Is it gummies? | ||
| No, but powder most of the time. | ||
| Either you take them in capsule form or you drink it. | ||
| There's a good company that... | ||
| That makes one called Neuro One. | ||
| I really like that one because it's got caffeine in it too. | ||
| And then there's another one called True Brain. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| My company makes one called Alpha Brain. | ||
| That's my favorite one. | ||
| Not just because it's my company, but I think we did the best job of putting ingredients in that work synergistically. | ||
| But I take Neuro One a lot. | ||
| I like that one a lot. | ||
| How do you take it? | ||
| I take it in a shake. | ||
| I just mix it with water and shake it. | ||
| Like, or just whenever you need it? | ||
| Whenever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'll take it before a workout. | ||
| I'll take it before a podcast. | ||
| I'll take... | ||
| I take AlphaBrain before every UFC. Yeah. | ||
| What it is, is it helps your... | ||
| It's been clinically proven through two double-blind placebo-controlled studies at Boston Center for Memory that it increases verbal memory, like your ability to find the right word for a sentence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Increases your reaction time. | ||
| And I'm sure when you're doing the UFC shit, you just have to be ready. | ||
| There's just no delay. | ||
| Well, it's live, and I'm recounting thousands of fights. | ||
| Like, if you hear me talk, I don't use notes, really. | ||
| I mean, I have some notes in front of me that, like, I'll get a guy's record, or he's 7-0, especially guys that I haven't seen fight too many times. | ||
| There's a few things that I'd like to just have on hand. | ||
| Most of it's all in the back of my head. | ||
| So I'm recounting a thousand plus fights that I've seen. | ||
| Has your memory always been like that? | ||
| For fights. | ||
| For fights. | ||
| For fights in certain things. | ||
| For certain things. | ||
| But like my wife will tell me something and like an hour later I'll be like, what? | ||
| You never told me that. | ||
| And she's like, I just fucking told you that. | ||
| Well, I was having a conversation with a friend recently and was like, well, I remember that your friend is Brazilian, but I have no idea where I was in April. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like, I don't know what that is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if my memory was bad. | ||
| Like, I also, with the show, luckily my partners are great detail-oriented. | ||
| Like, I'm like improvising in the room, writing, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I like, I don't want to type anything. | ||
| I just want to like, blah, blah. | ||
| It's verbal. | ||
| It's just all verbal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I'll like watch a cut of the show and I'll have almost no memory of what I've said. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, that was funny. | ||
| But I'll have no memory of it. | ||
| Of where it came from. | ||
| Where it came from. | ||
| You came up with it. | ||
| Yeah, nothing. | ||
| And then I'll watch it and be like, okay, great. | ||
| We'll figure that out. | ||
| But like, that just seems to be the way. | ||
| And I don't know if that's what I've done to my brain or that's just the way it is. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Funny people, a lot of times they think in sort of that abstract way, and that usually doesn't lend itself to the best memory. | ||
| It's sort of a wild, loose, impulsive, abstract quality that, in my opinion, my friends, the funniest friends that I have sort of have that thing going on. | ||
| Do you write your jokes ahead of time? | ||
| I do now. | ||
| I've been doing that over the last maybe four or five years. | ||
| I've changed what I do. | ||
| What I used to do is I would have things that I wrote down on notebooks, and I would write a little bit on a computer. | ||
| But maybe four or five years ago, I became very diligent with my writing. | ||
| And so I write out... | ||
| I'll write and rewrite and do it all over again. | ||
| Start it from scratch. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And then go... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry, go ahead. | ||
| And then I put it into a thing called Scrivener. | ||
| So Scrivener, you ever use that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I mean, I know it is, but I haven't used it. | ||
| I use that so I could switch. | ||
| There's a left-hand side where all the column is all the different subjects, and then I can move them around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Put this one first, that one second, and then when I click on each one that it takes me to all of the shit that I've written on that particular subject. | ||
| I've just found that it makes a big difference in my output, the quality material, like how much stuff that's good, taglines, I never forget the taglines anymore. | ||
| Because are you visually seeing, when you're on stage, are you like visually seeing the tagline in your head? | ||
| Yeah, what I do on stage, the thing that I do before I go on stage, like that day, usually within a couple hours of performing, I write things out in a notebook. | ||
| If you look at my notebook, it's like, all work, no play makes Jack a dull boy. | ||
| I write the same thing over and over again, like 30, 40 pages, because it's just a memory book, really. | ||
| I should call it a memory book rather than a notebook, because very little of it is actual writing. | ||
| Most of it is just like, I just want to make sure that I write down all the beats to whatever bit. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I've never found an organizational method that I like and can stick to in that way. | ||
| Like, my shit is like, there's like, my little notebooks that are like, you know, my little, that you carry up and I put on stage with a set list. | ||
| And then I've got like ideas in my phone. | ||
| And then I've got another bigger notebook with some more writing in it. | ||
| And then I got shit on a computer. | ||
| But none of it's centralized. | ||
| None of it's like... | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Because I also think if I sit down and write a joke, I then deliver it that night. | ||
| It doesn't ever feel like how... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It just takes work. | ||
| If you just try to write it out the way you're going to say it on stage, it will come off clunky. | ||
| But eventually you'll get it. | ||
| But the difference to me is if I just write in my head and then go on stage and I have a good premise and I work it out and it turns into a bit and as long as I do it a lot, I memorize it. | ||
| That... | ||
| It usually does work, but it's better if I write it out and do that. | ||
| It's better if I do both things. | ||
| I still give myself a lot of room on stage to fuck around, and I will just take a premise and run with it on stage, but if I have a bit Now, I don't allow myself to not sit in front of the screen and just write. | ||
| Write that bit. | ||
| Like, if there's a bit on, like I said, bottled water, if there's a bit on bottled water, I will write that bit out, and I will write it again, and I'll write it again, and I'll just open up Microsoft Word and start from scratch. | ||
| I'll say, okay, let's just start that bit over again. | ||
| Let's see, maybe if I just did it today, would I do it any differently? | ||
| And you've got to leave that time to do that writing. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| I really feel like there's a lot of people that say, oh, I write on stage. | ||
| Okay, I write on stage too. | ||
| But I feel like if I write on stage and I write in a computer, it's better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like my writing's better. | ||
| My bits, they have more depth to them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you're taking the time to actually think about it and then leaving yourself that room. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's the time. | ||
| It's the time and the focus, the amount of time thinking about it. | ||
| That's what I can't, that's what I'm like, especially when I'm on the show, I'm just like, that time's not there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm like, you gotta decide. | ||
| I feel like it's just like, whatever you're doing, are you gonna fucking jump in and do it or not? | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Well, that's one of the reasons I like podcasts so much, because I'm fucking lazy. | ||
| And you don't have to do anything. | ||
| You just show up and start talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you and I just talked. | ||
| I mean, we've already been talking for fucking two hours. | ||
| You just start talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But it's interesting, like, people are happy to have that digested in this format right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But do you think you could get away with this on stage? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you could do a podcast on stage if they knew they were coming to see a live podcast. | ||
| They would enjoy it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And people do enjoy it. | ||
| But it becomes a... | ||
| Have you done live podcasts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Weird, right? | ||
| It's weird, especially if it's, like, kind of just a chat. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if it's like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like I'm ripping these people off. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Unless there's, like, a specific, like, weird, like, I've done my buddy's podcast, like, uh, Manzoukas, Paul Scheer, and June Raphael have a podcast, like, How Did This Get Made?, where they talk about shitty movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| And then they, like, they... | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, and then, and then you do that live, and the audience has been told what the movie is, and then we get up there and we fuck around, and that feels like everybody, there's a, but there is, like, a, it's not just a pure fuck around. | ||
| Right, there's a structure. | ||
| There's a structure to it. | ||
| That I feel like a live audience loves and deserves. | ||
| Like, they're psyched about it. | ||
| They also know what they're getting in that case. | ||
| But I agree. | ||
| Just like us shooting the shit on stage, it's like people paid real money. | ||
| They want to see something that feels more... | ||
| Yeah, if you and I were having this conversation, there's 2,000 people to our right. | ||
| It would be very fucking strange. | ||
| I'd be like, sorry folks, we're boring. | ||
| Well, but it is weird. | ||
| Like, we're on... | ||
| This is on YouTube right now? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's up, y'all? | ||
| Hi. | ||
| Hey, guys. | ||
| Hi, everybody. | ||
| Hey, how are you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, there's way more than 2,000. | ||
| But the thing about being in the presence of those people is what makes it odd. | ||
| Yes, I agree. | ||
| Well, it's weirdly kind of what I'm saying about when we were doing Oh Hello, which is like, we're not going to acknowledge these fucking people out there? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Let's let them know what we're doing here. | ||
| That's the cool thing about that, that you guys wrote it yourself, and you don't have to adhere to, you know, there's not a producer that wants you to stick to this ancient script. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's not some, like, assistant director coming in and be like, Hi, Matthias thinks that you guys should be... | ||
| You notice that you changed this word. | ||
| That was what always drove me crazy, was on set, where you're like, I know, especially now, where I'm like, when they wouldn't let you change a word. | ||
| And I'm like, I get it. | ||
| You wrote a great joke. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| But I also know, I've been in a writer's room. | ||
| I know that we wrote that joke three months ago, fucking ready for lunch. | ||
| This isn't Mozart. | ||
| We didn't write some... | ||
| Perfect song that requires, like, you know, like, I respect your process, but also respect that you wrote this three months ago, and we were not in a room, and you were not with this, like, we are now in this particular situation on this day. | ||
| So let's also realize that that, and I accept that when I write for other people, that, like, whatever I was trying to do in that room, let's try to get that, but let's also acknowledge where we are in this new moment, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that was one of the more amazing things about working with Paul Sims on NewsRadio, is that he allowed you to rewrite entire scenes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Dave Foley was really like a secret producer of that show. | ||
| Because Dave Foley is such a brilliant writer. | ||
| What he would do is like, there would be a scene that wouldn't work, and he would sit back and he'd be like, okay... | ||
| How about if Vicki comes in, and she introduces this, and then Maura comes in here, and then he will have a totally different thing. | ||
| And he'll say to Paul, we have a new thing for you. | ||
| Tell us what you think. | ||
| And Paul will go, love it! | ||
| Yeah, and that was in rehearsals leading up to it. | ||
| But I think that that's like, to me, the best creators and... | ||
| I mean, I think there are some like auteur geniuses, but I think in general... | ||
| The best people are the ones who are ego is enough in check that they can be like, I've brought you in to collaborate with me. | ||
| Let's hear what you have to say because it might be better and it'll make me equally look good. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| Nobody knows that like it's going to still say like Paul Sims created the show. | ||
| Nobody's going to know that Foley did an interesting rewrite on a rehearsal. | ||
| Well, I think Paul would even tell you. | ||
| But the thing about it was that when you write something out, just like we were talking about before, if you write jokes, they don't come to life unless there's people there. | ||
| They come to life when you're actually performing them. | ||
| A joke just doesn't exist in a vacuum. | ||
| You really need an audience. | ||
| And there's a similar process involved in... | ||
| A sitcom in that as you're running through it, then it comes to life and then you realize the clunky parts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Or you realize a better way to get to it or you realize, well, this is the joke. | ||
| The joke is that he doesn't know this and that this has happened to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So why don't we have it this way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you're like, ah! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's how we do the show. | ||
| fucking killer writer's room. | ||
| We will break stories together. | ||
| Someone goes off and writes the script, comes back, and then we'll rewrite the whole script in the room. | ||
| And I don't know if other rooms, I don't know how other rooms work, but we'll read every scene together in the room just to hear it out loud and then rewrite it based on what we all just laughed at or didn't laugh at. | ||
| And so by the time we're actually getting the table read, where we're hearing it again out loud, even before we get there, we've read it all out loud and put it on its feet five times before it's even getting heard in that room. | ||
| You know what's the grossest thing of all time? | ||
| What? | ||
| The fake laugh at the table read. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The fake writer's laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As you're performing it, you feel like a dirty whore. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And you hear their fake laugh. | ||
| I know, because they're just like trying to sell their joke. | ||
| They sell it to the network. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the network's all skeptical hippo face, like, hmm, I don't know about this fucking piece of shit you guys are selling. | ||
| You caught the tail end of the fucking sweet spot. | ||
| Yeah, the tail end of the sitcom era. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You really got... | ||
| You guys... | ||
| I mean, it was a great show. | ||
| It's amazing that there's really no sitcoms anymore. | ||
| I mean, there was the fucking science one. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Big Bang Theory. | ||
| Still won last year. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That was the first show that I was going to test for. | ||
| That was the first thing that they were like, we want to fly to LA to test for this. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| I don't think I will. | ||
| They weren't offering much money. | ||
| They weren't offering a ton of money, so I was like, even then. | ||
| And by the way, that show's not bad, and those guys will never have to work again. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| But I just like... | ||
| I don't want to be locked into any... | ||
| I want to fucking do... | ||
| I want to do new stuff. | ||
| I want to fuck around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just might... | ||
| If you were stuck on that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And again, those guys... | ||
| God bless them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long did you guys do new... | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Five years. | ||
| Five years. | ||
| But it was never a success. | ||
| It wasn't? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It bombed every year. | ||
| My friend Lou Morton was one of the writers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| He used to... | ||
| You know Lou? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He used to wear a t-shirt every Monday of what our ratings were. | ||
| And he showed up on the set one day and it said like 88. And I went, no fucking way. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| He goes, yep, we're number 88. I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| But by the way, whatever that number was then would now be a fucking monster hit. | ||
| Oh, the numbers that we would get in terms of viewers would be huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A huge hit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In comparison. | ||
| Now it would be dead in the water. | ||
| And now it would be a huge hit and they'd be psyched. | ||
| But then it's like... | ||
| But there was the sweet spot then, which was like between Friends and Seinfeld. | ||
| That was the sweet spot. | ||
| And if you could get into that, oh, sweet baby Jesus. | ||
| You were fucking... | ||
| You made it, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| There was the Caroline in the city, single guy spot. | ||
| Suddenly Susan, they kept trying to find... | ||
| There was these shit, what Paul Simms would call these shit sandwiches. | ||
| When you have these really good shows with these slabs of shit in between them. | ||
| They were fucking terrible, terrible shows. | ||
| And they went on for a long time, and they were big hits. | ||
| But even in syndication, they're dead. | ||
| Nobody wants to watch them. | ||
| I'm trying to think, if I watch news radio in syndication, that's how I watched it. | ||
| That's probably how you watched it. | ||
| It became a hit after the fact. | ||
| That was the craziest thing about the show. | ||
| The show became popular after it was canceled. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it was on reruns on whatever, everywhere. | ||
| And it was attached to so much controversy because Phil Hartman was murdered before the final season. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was all so much weirdness. | ||
| Was that the crazy... | ||
| I mean, that must have been the saddest, most intense thing in the world. | ||
| That was... | ||
| That was... | ||
| Well, it taught me a lot. | ||
| First of all, it taught me, do not stay in one of those evil relationships. | ||
| Because there's people that just, they just don't work together. | ||
| And they try to make it work together, and they wind up fucking hating each other. | ||
| And that was him and her. | ||
| It was ugly. | ||
| And I tried to get him to divorce her several times. | ||
| And he was terrified of losing his image, terrified of losing money. | ||
| I mean, he just didn't want to be a divorced Hollywood bachelor guy. | ||
| His image was a family guy. | ||
| You know, I'm a married man, family guy, everything's great. | ||
| And everything about him is like, I look like a nice man. | ||
| Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. | ||
| The funniest. | ||
| But he was living in hell. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| Yeah, she would like openly insult him at parties and stuff. | ||
| And you'd just cringe. | ||
| Just like toxic. | ||
| She hated him, you know, and she wound up shooting him in his sleep. | ||
| I mean, it was... | ||
| That's so intense, man. | ||
| Yeah, as ugly as it gets. | ||
| I mean, he took, like, NyQuil or something like that to go to sleep, and she shot him in the head while he was sleeping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And how did you guys find out on, like, the next day? | ||
| Well, I found out, I think I got a phone call. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it was. | ||
| I got a phone call. | ||
| Because this is like pre-cell phone, pre-email probably. | ||
| Yeah, it was 90, I want to say 98. I guess I had a phone, but I mean, I guess I had a cell phone. | ||
| I had a shitty Motorola StarTAC. | ||
| Remember those? | ||
| Razor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About 47 minutes of talk time without a battery. | ||
| Actually, now that I remember, I found about it. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I found out about it from a girl I'd gone on a date with who worked for one of those shows, like Hard Copy or something like that. | ||
| She called me up and she was trying to send a news crew to my house. | ||
| What a nice person. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| She's like, we have to interview you. | ||
| We're going to send a crew to your house. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| And then I tuned in the news, and there was helicopters flying over Phil's house, and then there was that guy who was in Cocoon, who was a really famous actor for a while, but he lost his fucking marbles. | ||
| Who was that guy that was in Cocoon? | ||
| He was a young, handsome guy. | ||
| Steve Guttenberg now. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| Was it Gutenberg? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy lost his mind. | ||
| He lost his mind. | ||
| And his career had fallen apart. | ||
| So pull up a photo of Steve Gutenberg. | ||
| Let me make sure it's him before I tell this fucking story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Is that what he looks like now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does he look like back then? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So, see if you can Google Steve Gutenberg at Phil Hartman's murder. | ||
| Because he had decided that he was going to talk. | ||
| To the police. | ||
| He was gonna talk to the press. | ||
| So he put on like a suit and he got out there and he was out there talking to the press. | ||
| And we were all like, what the fuck is he doing? | ||
| I mean, maybe... | ||
| He don't hear about this guy anymore, right? | ||
| He kind of vanished. | ||
| But he had already vanished back then. | ||
| It was already like... | ||
| It was post all those movies, post to the police academy and all that shit. | ||
| And there's a weird thing that happens to some of these guys where they just... | ||
| It's all gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then they're like, oh, this is an opportunity for me to get back on camera. | ||
| And we were all, all of us were like, how well did he know Steve Guttenberg? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| It was the strangest thing. | ||
| Him standing there with a suit on, talking to all the press and talking to people. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| I mean, maybe I'm wrong, and maybe he did have this wonderful relationship that Phil never talked about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was pretty close to Phil. | ||
| But I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I think there's a certain weirdness to talking to the press about someone who's just been murdered and people that are willing to go on camera and give interviews and stuff. | ||
| It's like, aren't you mourning? | ||
| Aren't you freaked out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Someone was like, do you remember where you were when the OJ verdict was written? | ||
| I was in high school. | ||
| I climbed a tree. | ||
| Why'd you climb a tree? | ||
| People would be like, where were you when the OJ verdict was written? | ||
| In a tree. | ||
| I remember I was with my girlfriend at the time and she threw her hands on her face and went, oh no. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| She just kept saying, oh no. | ||
| She just went, oh no. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Were you in LA? Yeah, we were watching it in my apartment. | ||
| We were watching The Verdict. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And I was dumbfounded. | ||
| I thought he was going to jail. | ||
| Everybody thought he was going to jail. | ||
| And she just kept going, oh no. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just remember being in high school. | ||
| I knew Ron Goldman's sister too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was real weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I knew his sister. | ||
| Also, Ron Goldman's father, and I can't even begin to fathom what that whole experience would be for anyone, but he felt very performative to me. | ||
| He felt like he was... | ||
| Again, I say this with all due respect. | ||
| I don't know what it's... | ||
| I would have no sense of what that experience is like. | ||
| But there are certain people who are like, oh, you do like being on camera. | ||
| I know something horrible happened to you, but you do like being on camera. | ||
| I mean, I have no idea. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck knows how you would react? | ||
| I don't know how I would react. | ||
| Your son was murdered by some superstar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, just think about how crazy that is. | ||
| Not just murdered, but murdered by a famous guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who then is like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got off. | |
| Flaunted and got off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was a part of this weird race thing where it was post-Rodney King. | ||
| So there was a lot of people that felt like there was some sort of a racist aspect to it. | ||
| That like there was racist cops who got off with Rodney King. | ||
| So now it's their chance to get one for black folks. | ||
| And I have to talk to people about it, you know? | ||
| Did you watch the O.J., the documentary, and then also there was the FX show? | ||
| I watched one episode of the FX show, and I was like, damn, Cuba Good and Judy fucking nailed it. | ||
| He really seemed like O.J. in it. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's all I watched. | |
| The documentary is interesting because it sets up LA, all like that, the preceding years leading up to it. | ||
| Post-riot. | ||
| Post-riots, all that stuff, and you're like, oh, it does lend itself to be like, oh, this was a perfect confluence of events that led to this thing of racial, everything that went into the OJ trial. | ||
| It's fucking nuts. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It was a strange, strange time. | ||
| It was a strange time because it just seemed like the world was made of something that was way more flexible than I ever thought it was before. | ||
| Like, I never thought O.J. Simpson could be a murderer. | ||
| I thought murderers were bad people. | ||
| And that the people that you thought of that were good people on TV, you would never think of. | ||
| Like, O.J. was always so friendly and smiley and he would have that big laugh and he was handsome. | ||
| Talk about head injuries to CTE. It's like, you're like, I wonder what... | ||
| Oh, for sure had to do with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 1,000 million percent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| In fact, his doctor said that if the trial were to take place today, his doctor at the time, they would introduce CTE. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you see all those dudes. | ||
| I mean, like, the level of violence that... | ||
| There he is. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Police Academy, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Naked Gun. | |
| Naked Gun. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He's funny in Naked Gun. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| You go back and watch that documentary, and it's like, you know, his buddies, like, his good buddies who stood by him. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| His good buddies who stood by him talk about him in high school and he's kind of like he was fucking throwing his friends under the bus in high school. | ||
| Like all three of them would be like doing some like in the bathroom like doing some shit they're supposed to be in class and the principal would come in and the three of them are all together and OJ would just like saddle up next to the principal and be like what are we gonna do with these two guys? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He was, like, throwing his buddies under the bus. | ||
| You're like, oh, he was... | ||
| CTE fucked him up. | ||
| I don't know what kind of man he would have been, like, whether he would have been so violent or whatever, but you're like... | ||
| So he was a piece of shit, plus CTE. It kind of felt like he was a piece of shit his whole life. | ||
| Well, how about the book, If I Did It? | ||
| How crazy... | ||
| How crazy is that, that he wrote a book, If I Did... | ||
| I didn't do it, but if I did it... | ||
| Did you see the... | ||
| Did you ever... | ||
| Have you ever seen his prank show? | ||
| Juiced? | ||
| Oh yes, that's post the murder. | ||
| Oh yeah, post the murder, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| Did you ever see his rap song? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, young Jamie, find it! | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Oh yes, yes. | ||
| This was part of that Juiced, I think, thing, right? | ||
| It's in that same thing. | ||
| Was it part of Juiced? | ||
| It's all these young little hotties who look like Nicole. | ||
| It's so fucking weird. | ||
| What is that picture of him with the glasses? | ||
| That's from one of the sketches? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| What in the fuck is that? | ||
| Boy, he can go anywhere with that. | ||
| He can go to Disneyland just like that. | ||
| That's what you do if you're that famous and you did something awful like that. | ||
| You gotta go in disguise. | ||
| How many chicks bang him just because he's OJ? Probably a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You still think people are gonna bang him? | |
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Would it say OJ pretended he would what? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cuckolded this guy. | |
| He pretended to cuckold this guy? | ||
| Oh god, the poor guy. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, there's wacky broads that want to bang murderers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| There's a guy that we had in here, Nick Yarris, who went to jail. | ||
| He was on death row for 22 years for a crime that he didn't commit. | ||
| And he said since getting out, he was asking on the podcast with these women to stop sending him emails. | ||
| I'm married. | ||
| I have a good relationship. | ||
| Please leave me alone. | ||
| Stop testing me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just throw that pussy his way. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, that guy apparently got all these women were sending him pictures and email, or letters, actually. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he wound up marrying some woman. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Manson got married. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of them get married. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real common. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Crazy, yeah. | ||
| I mean, look. | ||
| I'd fuck OJ. I would too. | ||
| I'd fuck him with you. | ||
| We'd high-five each other. | ||
| Would you want the front or the back? | ||
| I would want... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I'd want the front. | |
| The front would be more dangerous if you had a CTE flashback and bit your dick off. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| You can control the back a little better. | ||
| Control the hips a little bit. | ||
| I wonder how his teeth did in prison. | ||
| He's out now, right? | ||
| Yep, he's out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is really weird. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| What is O.J. doing these days? | ||
| I can't remember what he was doing recently. | ||
| Who do you think he is, Jamie? | ||
| He's got a good podcast. | ||
| I've done his podcast before. | ||
| I put on my Twitter, should I interview OJ on my podcast or nah? | ||
| What was the response? | ||
| Moshe Kasher just sent me a text message like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I guess that would legitimize him, I guess. | ||
| It'd be quite an interview. | ||
| Would that legitimize him? | ||
| I've heard that before. | ||
| O.J. Simpson, living life of luxury in Vegas, 23 years. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| This is 18. Oh, this is just now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Last week. | |
| Wow. | ||
| He's living a life of luxury in Vegas. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Hey, just walking around, strolling, plays golf four to five times a week at the exclusive Arroyo Golf Club. | ||
| Far from keeping a low profile, the former Buffalo Bill star has been spotted at hotels and even a Vegas Golden Knights hockey game. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Getting some young pussy. | ||
| Look at that girl. | ||
| I can't believe I fucked OJ. OMG. People fuck him. | ||
| I guarantee you girls fuck him. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Probably more than us combined. | ||
| The reporter travels around town with his own breathalyzer. | ||
| Simpson reporter travels around town with his own breathalyzer. | ||
| If he exceeds a certain blood alcohol level, he could be sent back to prison. | ||
| So maybe he should just stop drinking. | ||
| Maybe he should just stop drinking. | ||
| He enjoys a martini a day. | ||
| What is the blood alcohol level where they send you back to prison? | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| You're free, but if you have three beers, you're fucking in a cage, you piece of shit. | ||
| He's on parole, I guess, right? | ||
| He was on the Ali G show, or the thing that Sasha Grant Cohen did. | ||
| He's at the very, very, very end of it. | ||
| He was trying to talk him into saying that he did it. | ||
| Yeah, I think OJ was more aware of what was going on than a bunch of the other people on that show. | ||
| Well, I mean, you've got to think he's probably hyper-paranoid that someone's fucking with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I think everybody's fucking with him since always. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, more young pussy for OJ. OJ wanted to meet me. | |
| My name is Nicole. | ||
| He said that's my favorite name. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| Darkness, dude. | ||
| But, you know what? | ||
| I bet he gets a lot of those vacant-eyed young ladies to accept his murderous penis. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have trouble believing that, maybe. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you think the world is good? | ||
| Do you ever ironically fuck somebody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I think some gals would do that, right? | ||
| Ironically fuck a murderer? | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| Maybe? | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| I don't know what the social, like, the currency of that is. | ||
| When Scott Peterson was sent to death row in California, San Quentin prison for murdering his wife and their unborn child, dozens of women phoned asking for his address with one teenager wasting no time and offering to marry him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, this is what I think. | ||
| I think there is some sort of ancient DNA that people have that attracts them to murderers and conquerors because those are the people that survived. | ||
| And there's some sort of a strange inclination for some women Obviously ones that are not thinking clearly, but for some women to want the sperm and the genetics of a murderer. | ||
| Because that's the type of, if you had a murderous, brave conqueror for a child, that child would survive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Like that DNA is in wartime. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I get some sense of survival, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, in the times of barbaric life. | ||
| Sure, sure, you wanted to be with someone. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I think it is, like a killer. | ||
| Not so much like the caveman comedian. | ||
| Well, I think that if a male feminist goes to jail, they get zero requests for marriage. | ||
| They get none. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think so? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| If some male feminist gets arrested and goes to jail, it's a wrap. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| But if you're a murderer. | ||
| But if you're a murderer, you probably get a lot. | ||
| Because there's a reason why men become... | ||
| I mean, there's men who believe in equality and want women's rights, and then there's men who are really weaselly. | ||
| And what they're doing is they're being virtue signaling and they're posturing. | ||
| And I think those guys, if they go to jail, crickets. | ||
| Well, either way, they're in jail. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| Some places you can get conjugal visits, but I think it's dependent upon the jail. | ||
| You think Cosby's getting any marital proposals? | ||
| I bet he does. | ||
| I bet girls are trying to get raped by him. | ||
| Believe it or not, I bet there are some girls who would want Cosby to drug them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Look, people are fucking crazy. | ||
| People get their faces tattooed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People, you know, there's people that are just straight up nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when there's a high profile thing like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think when I think about that, I'm like, what happened to those people that made them to the point where they would be interested in something like that? | ||
| The person that goes after Cosby? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I have my theories about Cosby. | ||
| I think that when that happened, when Cosby first started doing that, I think it was common. | ||
| I think that whole slipping of Mickey thing, Spanish fly, I think in the 60s and the 50s, I think asshole men did that to women all the fucking time. | ||
| And I don't think people thought about the consequences. | ||
| I don't think people thought about the rights of women. | ||
| I mean, if you just think about, like, chauvinism in films... | ||
| Male chauvinist behavior and sexist behavior, men smacking women in films. | ||
| I mean, it was really common. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Steve McQueen and Ally, what was her name? | ||
| Ally Sheedy? | ||
| Ally McGraw. | ||
| Ally McGraw. | ||
| Beat the fuck out of her in a scene, an actual scene. | ||
| She didn't even know he was going to do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just beat the shit out of her actually on film. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was a normal thing. | ||
| The last thing in Paris that just came out was like, Brando was like, yeah, we just sprung this sexual encounter on this woman. | ||
| Different game. | ||
| Yeah, it was a different world. | ||
| And I think there was a lot of fun. | ||
| I mean, he was always hanging around the Playboy Mansion. | ||
| And I think there was a lot of men that just raped women and drugged them. | ||
| I think it was common. | ||
| And I'm sure you've talked to many women that have had something dropped in their drink, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| There's darkness out there. | ||
| There's so much darkness out there, and it's a bummer. | ||
| It's such a fucking bummer, man. | ||
| It's such a bummer. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| And you think about... | ||
| But it's crazy with Cosby. | ||
| And until, again, it's crazy to think now, however many years ago Hannibal said it on stage, we all knew some version. | ||
| We had all heard some stories about Cosby, and it was just sort of like, oh, well, Bill's Bill. | ||
| I heard about it on the set of news radio. | ||
| That's when I heard about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And nobody was gonna touch him. | ||
| Well, no one knew for sure. | ||
| Nobody knew to the extent, I guess. | ||
| You had heard from someone that... | ||
| Fucking darkness. | ||
| The crazy thing is when Hannibal said that on stage, the people that aren't connected to Hollywood were like, wait, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you say? | |
| He's a rapist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that video went viral. | ||
| Millions of people saw it. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| Bill Cosby rapes people? | ||
| And then everyone's like, yeah. | ||
| And then girls were like, he raped me. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And now he's in jail. | ||
| It's darkness. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Fucking good, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Good, but... | ||
| Crazy that it took so long and crazy that it's only for three years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a three to ten year sentence. | ||
| Yeah, because that's the last one they could get him for, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did you ever see him live? | ||
| Did you ever... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Burr and I were supposed to go before all that shit went down. | ||
| And we wound up canceling and then Burr wound up seeing him and he said he was amazing. | ||
| Chris Rock said he was fucking amazing too. | ||
| Chris Rock said that he felt like he was an amateur after he watched Cosby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said, he goes, I felt like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw him once in Montreal during the festival. | ||
| I was hungover and I watched and I fell asleep. | ||
| It was like a Sunday afternoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, sit down and tell me your story. | |
| I fucking fell asleep. | ||
| I bet it would feel weird if you really enjoyed it, if he was like your best, your favorite comedian. | ||
| I know, that would suck. | ||
| It would suck. | ||
| It would suck more. | ||
| Who was your favorite stand-up when you were first starting? | ||
| Well, let's see, when I first started... | ||
| I started in New York sort of in the alt scene. | ||
| I remember seeing Galifianakis early on and being like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this guy? | ||
| He doesn't do enough, man. | ||
| No, he does. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| Yeah, he'll pop up and be, and he's so funny. | ||
| I remember seeing Burr, because I had been doing sort of more alt room stuff, and then I remember seeing Burr come to the UCB in New York and seeing him do stand-up and be like, oh, he's doing him. | ||
| And he's doing it in this space where people are not used to seeing just a straight stand-up, and he's fucking killing. | ||
| I remember seeing him earlier and being like, Jesus, this guy is fucking killing. | ||
| And being very impressed, being like, how do I do that? | ||
| And however many years later, I'm still like, how do I do that? | ||
| When you were a kid, was there anyone that really stood out that made you consider stand-up? | ||
| I mean, I remember seeing Delirious, watching Delirious, and then being like... | ||
| The specials that I had around me growing up were Carlin and Carnegie, Delirious, and Robin Williams at the Met. | ||
| Those specials, those were big for me. | ||
| I just remember seeing Delirious and memorizing that whole thing. | ||
| Did you ever get to meet Robin? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Did you see him at the store a bunch or like around? | ||
| I met him in the craziest way possible. | ||
| I did a set at the improv and afterwards I was taking pictures with people. | ||
| There was like a line of people and I was taking photos and this old guy with his white beard and glasses and a baseball hat came up and he wanted to tell me how funny he thought the show was and I was talking to him for a couple minutes before I realized it was Robin Williams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And then in the middle of it, we're talking. | ||
| I go, oh, thank you. | ||
| That's so nice. | ||
| I really appreciate it, man. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| I'm glad you... | ||
| Enjoyed it. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| I never told him I knew. | ||
| But my brain was like, I didn't know what to say. | ||
| I really appreciate that. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| And he was just talking about a specific bit that I was doing about how crazy it was. | ||
| I loved the twist and the turn and this and that. | ||
| I was like, wow, thanks, man. | ||
| The guy waited in line with everybody. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Yeah, just waited in line. | ||
| Came by himself. | ||
| Did you see him doing some version of your bit a couple of days? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't! | |
| Rest in peace. | ||
| You know what you did? | ||
| A sponge. | ||
| A sponge. | ||
| He's just a sponge. | ||
| Thankfully, he wasn't doing stand-up back then. | ||
| That was when he was doing that show. | ||
| Remember he was doing that show, The Crazy Ones? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He came back and tried to do a sitcom before he... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But he, yeah, I mean, I had friends, everyone would see him in, like, he'd come because he'd come to do improv at UCB, and then he would go and do, you know, he was sort of, I don't know if he was doing stand-up at any point, but, you know, I never got to catch, I never got my, like, you know, I have a lot of friends who I feel like got a little touch from him, and that feeling of, like, you are, you know, and I mean... | ||
| Because he was a guy who I was like, oh, that's what I, like, you're doing what I, like, you're doing stand-up, but it's characters, and you're doing all the stuff, and you're acting, and you get to be in serious movies, and you get to be in comedy, like, I was sort of like, he was sort of a model of, like, I was like, I think I would like to do what he's doing. | ||
| Yeah, he was so flexible in what he was able to do. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see Patch Adams? | ||
| No. | ||
| It might be the worst movie that's ever made. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Might be the worst. | ||
| It's probably right up there with a Travolta Gotti movie, but I haven't seen it. | ||
| Oh my god, I want to see that Travolta Gotti movie. | ||
| I almost watched it today on the elliptical machine. | ||
| New York fucking city. | ||
| It's like he says fuck every three words and you're like, oh Johnny, look at you. | ||
| This fucking city, I fucking love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks so bad! | |
| It looks so bad! | ||
| I love that though. | ||
| There's something that I just love that John is trying to call him a troll. | ||
| There's something I love about a man so deeply out of touch. | ||
| I mean, that's the thing is like, yeah, look at him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking thumbs fucking up! | |
| Me and my wife's dressed as Sarah Palin. | ||
| I love this fucking city. | ||
| Boy, the sexual chemistry between them is palpable. | ||
| Probably real. | ||
| Super real. | ||
| You were talking about at the beginning of like cults. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm thinking about Tom Cruise and Scientology. | ||
| There's a man using every ounce of what Scientology is offering to make himself the best available man that he's capable of being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then you've got Travolta. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you've got two versions of, like, a man who's becoming slightly out of touch with what he, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, look at my fucking wig. | |
| It's a good wig. | ||
| It's a good wig. | ||
| How amazing are wigs these days? | ||
| He's got great wigs. | ||
| I mean, that's a fucking incredible wig. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that wig. | |
| Thinning just a little bit up front. | ||
| You would think that's his hair. | ||
| He's living the dream. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| He's living the goddamn dream. | ||
| Are you okay with time? | ||
| We could wrap this up. | ||
| Whatever, yeah. | ||
| It's already 3.30. | ||
| Yeah, we're... | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's him as Shapiro and the OJ thing. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was... | ||
| I saw him... | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That little... | ||
| That little chin... | ||
| Is that his... | ||
| He wore a little chin thing? | ||
| He got like a little chin yarmulke there. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| I remember seeing him at an award ceremony when he had that little chin thing. | ||
| And I was like, did he put that on after the thing? | ||
| I met him when his wife was on Fear Factor. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Kelly Preston was on Fear Factor. | ||
| She was on Fear Factor? | ||
| Yeah, Celebrity Fear Factor. | ||
| David Hasselhoff, Kelly Preston. | ||
| How were they? | ||
| She was really nice. | ||
| She was super friendly. | ||
| But I felt like they recruited people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This was before Scientology was sort of stigmatized. | ||
| There was a lot of people that were joining it. | ||
| What is going on there? | ||
| It looks like he has a black swimmer's cap on. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That hair is so crazy fake looking. | ||
| That's like that magnetic man that you could move the magnets around to create hair. | ||
| Like, who's fucking hair looks like that? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I mean, the color, everything is wrong. | ||
| That's madness. | ||
| But yeah, she was super friendly. | ||
| Really down to earth, super normal and friendly. | ||
| She's like, these tarantulas are great. | ||
| You know, if you eat enough and you want to come and hang out later, we could eat more tarantulas. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We can maximize eating tarantulas. | ||
| And you can join. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let me get your phone number. | ||
| I'd like to send some people your way with some e-meters. | ||
| Yeah, I remember watching that going clear, the documentary, and being like, oh, I'm not scared. | ||
| Like, they're not coming for me. | ||
| Like, Miskovic is not coming for me. | ||
| He's coming for, like... | ||
| The people under him who he sees as a threat. | ||
| I don't think he sees us as a threat. | ||
| I don't think he gives a fuck us being like, I don't know about Scientology. | ||
| I bet he shields himself from anything like this. | ||
| Any kind of criticism. | ||
| But I do tell you that I had Miskovic's dad on. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh right, because he left. | ||
| He fucking escaped. | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| If I'm Miskiewicz's dad, I'm scared. | ||
| Because he's like, Miskiewicz is like, my dad is a threat to me. | ||
| Like you and I talking about Scientology, I don't think Miskiewicz gives a fuck. | ||
| It was a weird conversation. | ||
| What was he like? | ||
| Well, he's sad. | ||
| It's like he lost his whole life to this nonsense. | ||
| And his son's gone. | ||
| His son won't contact him. | ||
| And it was his idea to get the family into Scientology. | ||
| So he's like the guilt of that. | ||
| Yeah, the son rises through the ranks, winds up running the whole fucking thing, and now the son won't talk to him. | ||
| My favorite thing is Miscovich and Tom Cruise shaking hands. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like this tiny alpha man. | |
| L-R-H. Yes. | ||
| And Miscovich is trumping him where you can see Tom Cruise trying to pull his hand away and Miscovich is like, I will not relent. | ||
| I will not release. | ||
| And you can see Tom Cruise being like, this tinier man than me has an even higher level of alphaness than I can offer. | ||
| And I will relent. | ||
| Well, the real threat to them is Leah Remini. | ||
| I mean, what Leah Remini's done, like, she is, look at that, there, let me see that again. | ||
| You can see him trying to pull this, the fucking... | ||
| They salute! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They salute! | |
| They salute, grab him, and then, watch, you can see Tom Cruise, like, trying to pull his hand away, and Miskiewicz won't let it go. | ||
| It's really fantastic. | ||
| Relenting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unrelenting. | ||
| You can see, he's trying to, like, you can see the hands trying to, like, come loose, and he won't let it happen. | ||
| He's like, and it's like that Trump move. | ||
| My favorite thing is when they salute the picture of LRH. Yeah. | ||
| They salute it. | ||
| A shitty science fiction writer. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| He was wearing that big dinner plate around his neck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And look at it. | ||
| Tom Cruise is not a tall man. | ||
| And Miskiewicz is... | ||
| He towers over Tom Cruise. | ||
| Or Tom Cruise cowers over him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Look at that fucking giant gold medal he won. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| By being the most awesomest person in the universe. | ||
| But again, I'm like, I don't know, did you see the recent Mission Impossible? | ||
| He's amazing! | ||
| It's amazing! | ||
| He's a fucking fantastic actor. | ||
| I'm like, so on board. | ||
| I'm on board for the whole thing. | ||
| I'm like, you know how hard it is to get a movie made now to get anybody to pay attention? | ||
| Go learn to fucking fly a helicopter and jump off a building and break your ankle. | ||
| Like, fucking go for it, man. | ||
| Well, you know as well as I do, you've been around a lot of actors. | ||
| They're all fucking crazy. | ||
| But his crazy is just a different kind of crazy, but it's also a different kind of success. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm like he's a guy who I feel like you would get like like he's like yeah like whatever I need to do like I will I will maximize myself. | ||
| Look at the gold medal. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| Can I get some volume? | ||
| Let me hear some of this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I Take this as a half-act I will continue on my way. | |
| Okay? | ||
| These are the times now, people. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| These are the times we will all remember. | ||
| Were you there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you do? | |
| I think you know that I am there for you. | ||
| And I do care so very, very, very much. | ||
| That's why he's the best actor ever. | ||
| He's full of shit right there, and you believe it. | ||
| Or do you think he's full of shit? | ||
| I feel like he's on the verge of fucking tears. | ||
| He is on the verge of tears. | ||
| I think he's so juiced. | ||
| But he's full of shit for sure with everything he does. | ||
| I don't think there's a moment in his life where he's not full of shit. | ||
| Right, but he believes it so deeply. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The salute. | ||
| LRH. Go back up. | ||
| Back up a little bit. | ||
| I need to see that again. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| To LRH. To LRH. And when, if you know anything about that guy, L. Ron Hubbard was a fucking maniac. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you read Going Clear or did you just see the documentary? | ||
| I just saw the documentary. | ||
| The book is fucking fantastic. | ||
| The book is, he was fucking shithouse rat crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| On a boat. | ||
| Just, he was out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Gave himself a bunch of medals. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| There's a podcast called You Must Remember This, and it's all about old Hollywood, and it somehow circumvents a little bit of L. Ron Hubbard's scene in Pasadena with all these other spiritualists, futurists, and it's Cuckoosville. | ||
| They are cruising on their own fucking agenda, and it's kind of amazing. | ||
| I wish I had more information, but again, my brain doesn't retain this stuff. | ||
| I need to get into Scientology. | ||
| It'll help if you just maximize your e-trons or whatever you fucking... | ||
| Did you ever do a stress test? | ||
| Yes, I did one. | ||
| One time I was filming a television show in San Diego and we had downtime when they were setting up a scene. | ||
| And we happened to be at a park where they had one of those Scientology booths set up. | ||
| And I went over there and the guy put me through the whole thing. | ||
| I hold on to the cans and they're connected to the wires, but he was so unenthusiastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was just like... | |
| He wasn't selling it at all. | ||
| I was like, what does this mean? | ||
| He was a bummed outside, Ty, dude. | ||
| He was like, eh, you got something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something in your past, some shit. | ||
| I guess the Thetans are... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Yeah, the guy had no energy for it. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| He was like, the worst salesman. | ||
| I think they just make them do it, you know? | ||
| And some people don't want to do it. | ||
| And next thing you know, they got a fucking conference table set up in a park, and they got a stack of books. | ||
| They're going nowhere in Clearwater. | ||
| Trying to get you to join. | ||
| They're nowhere near Clearwater! | ||
| They're on the other coast. | ||
| I gotta get to the fucking east coast, god damn it. | ||
| God bless them though. | ||
| I am weirdly like, I mean, I don't know about it, God bless like dislocating people and disconnecting people from their families, but I am sort of of the feeling like, if you can find something for yourself that brings you some answers and gives you some comfort and motivates you to be the best person you can be, I'm like, yeah, do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I do, I am, like, if you're, like, dislocating people from their families and stealing everybody's money, like, whatever. | ||
| But whatever your personal choice is, I'm like, go for it, man. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Right, and quite honestly, like, why is it okay to be a Catholic and it's not okay to be a Scientologist? | ||
| Because Catholicism, which I grew up with, is one of the fucking nuttiest religions filled with kid fuckers. | ||
| Where they literally have their own country. | ||
| The Vatican is its own country. | ||
| They move priests around all over the world. | ||
| There's a new case that just happened a couple of weeks ago in Pennsylvania. | ||
| They just found a thousand children that had been molested. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, Scientology is not doing that. | |
| No, it's systematic. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Was there a moment in the church where you're like, oh, I'm out. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Well, I was really lucky that my parents split up. | ||
| And when my parents split up, I went to Catholic school for one year after that. | ||
| And then my mom met my stepdad, who's a hippie. | ||
| And he was like, this is fucking stupid. | ||
| And the next thing you know, we moved to San Francisco. | ||
| So we were in New Jersey. | ||
| I was going to Catholic school a year later, living in San Francisco next to gay people and living right off of, what's that, Lombard Street, the crookedest street in the world. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Whoa, that's a change. | ||
| Oh, the craziest shift. | ||
| I mean, this was also during the Vietnam War. | ||
| So I went from being in this really sort of repressive East Coast Italian Catholic environment to being around nothing but hippies and gay people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Your mom wanted out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, everybody wanted out. | ||
| My stepdad wanted out. | ||
| My mom wanted out. | ||
| They just realized that there was also, this was 1970. Okay, I was seven, so it was 73? | ||
| 74? | ||
| 74. So it was like the heat of the Vietnam War. | ||
| The hippie movement was in full swing. | ||
| Nixon, I think, was president. | ||
| It was craziness back then. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Everybody wanted out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you listened to that? | ||
| There's a podcast called Slow Burn. | ||
| It's all about Watergate. | ||
| And it's sort of from the angle of how it just took a while to unfold. | ||
| You're like, oh, okay. | ||
| This didn't happen overnight. | ||
| Sort of like the Russia-Trump investigation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just slowly unfolding, piece by piece, and over time you're like, oh, right, these dominoes slowly fall, and in that one you're like, I just didn't know that much about Watergate, but I was like, oh, like... | ||
| Watergate happened, and the election was five months later, and Nixon won in a landslide. | ||
| The country was like, ah, Watergate, it's nothing big deal. | ||
| And then it was another year, year and a half before he was impeached. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It took a while. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of crazy, but it gets into some of the early stuff of Watergate and after Watergate and all the like, sort of the beginning of what I think became legitimizing in different versions of conspiracy theories, of like, what's really going on here, shit, you know? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| 74, he resigned. | ||
| Yeah, but he was re-elected. | ||
| Watergate had happened. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Nobody thought about it. | ||
| After his resignation, he was issued a controversial pardon by his successor, Gerald Ford. | ||
| That's exactly what Mike Pence is going to do. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You think he'll go down? | ||
| You think he'll get impeached? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I thought that more a few months ago, but now it feels like... | ||
| He's so preposterous that as time rolls on, we're conditioned to his preposterousness. | ||
| Just all of it loses its teeth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, look, I mean, the Stormy Daniels thing, nobody gives a fuck about it anymore. | ||
| Like, yeah, he fucked her. | ||
| So what? | ||
| But I feel like, yeah, I feel like everybody knew he was fucking people before. | ||
| It's like, if you don't apply yourself to a, like, normal moral framework, then... | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not like he was some super ethical guy. | ||
| Like, who was the guy that was running for president, and it turned out that he was... | ||
| John Edwards. | ||
| Yes, while she was dying of cancer. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And he's having an affair and had a baby with some woman. | ||
| Yeah, and that was just... | ||
| Well, that's the problem with like when you see like Al Franken go down for like, you know, nothing, nothing. | ||
| And it's because on that side, it's like it's like the moral framework is like you can't do that to women. | ||
| But if you're if you're if you're a Trump guy. | ||
| Then you're like, it's not if you're a Trump guy, but it's like, yeah, well, that's how Donald is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he's like, that's who I am. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if Bill O'Reilly was taking pictures with a chick and grabbed her butt, everybody would go, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's like, if it's on the other side, it's like, well, there's a moral framework there that you're like, fuck, if we're going to say that that's the deal, then we have to follow through that that's the deal. | ||
| Michael Aventi? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Avenatti? | ||
| Yeah, this guy who's running, he was the, this would be great for two causes. | ||
| He's proposing a three-round mixed martial arts fight with Donald Trump Jr. for charity, no joke, and Michael Avenatti said, this would be for two great causes I'm in. | ||
| What? | ||
| This guy. | ||
| He likes attention. | ||
| Yeah, he loves it. | ||
| A little too much. | ||
| He's a little... | ||
| They were trying to get some show with him and the Mooch, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Scaramucci. | ||
| Scaramucci. | ||
| He wants to run for president, Avenatti. | ||
| They're saying that he'll be the big threat in 2020 to the Democrats. | ||
| I can't imagine that. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's supposedly getting released from jail soon. | ||
| Wiener? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, on good behavior. | |
| How is he still in jail? | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| The sexual with the kid or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Texting with the kid. | |
| Is that what it was? | ||
| I think that's what they got. | ||
| No, for that smooth chest. | ||
| Okay, and on that note... | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| What do you got going on? | ||
| Anything people need to know about? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, Big Mouth. | ||
| Season 2 is out now on Netflix. | ||
| Hilarious fucking show. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's one of the best animated shows ever. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| Yeah, I guess that's really it. | ||
| I mean, that's the one is my autobiography that I've poured my life into, so I guess that's the thing I'll promote. | ||
| That should be the thing you should promote. | ||
| And you're doing sets at the store? | ||
| We worked together the other night. | ||
| Yeah, I do sets at the store. | ||
| I do a show at Largo, a monthly, semi-monthly. | ||
| I actually wanted to talk to you about coming and doing the show at Largo. | ||
| Okay, sure, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I do that, Nick Kroll and Friends, and then, yeah, I got other shit coming. | ||
| Yeah, but it's Big Mouth, Big Mouth. | ||
| Big Mouth, Netflix, go watch it. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
Export Selection