July 10, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:08:07
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Four, three, two, one. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Tony Rock! | ||
| We're live! | ||
| That's a bold choice in shirts, sir. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Thank you! | ||
| I think it brings out my skin tone. | ||
| It brings out... | ||
| It's got a pop to it. | ||
| Yeah, and I rock it with the shades on, so I'm driving with windows open and girls are looking like, who's that guy? | ||
| Yeah, and you're an android guy. | ||
| You're a different kind of person. | ||
| Android people are different kinds of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of people am I? Well, the people that think about it. | |
| Like, I don't know about this. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everybody's like, I need an iPhone, I need an iPhone. | ||
| Android people are like, eh, I'm not so sure. | ||
| I think I could rock a Pixel. | ||
| Yeah, this takes great pictures. | ||
| It's very easy to figure out. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| I've never been an iPhone guy. | ||
| It's a choice that people make. | ||
| They just decide. | ||
| It's a non-conformist choice. | ||
| Did I take the blue pill or the red pill? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good question. | |
| I think they're both, look, it's no denying iPhones are badass, but it's no denying those are basically just as badass. | ||
| They're just different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything's just different now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It's caught up. | ||
| You go with what you like, man. | ||
| Yeah, it used to be like if you had a Blackberry and somebody else had an iPhone, you felt like a loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You felt like a loser with your stupid buttons. | ||
| Oh, back when people had the phones that you could just zap your number. | ||
| Oh, yes! | ||
| And you didn't have one, you were just ass out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right! | |
| Remember? | ||
| Everybody had like a little laptop they pulled out. | ||
| It was like, hey, send me your number. | ||
| You would just scan their phone. | ||
| What was that thing called again? | ||
| A side something or another? | ||
| What was that called? | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| The sidekick, was it? | ||
| What was it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The sidekick? | |
| No, that was a Suzuki. | ||
| That was the original drug dealer car right there. | ||
| You sold weed. | ||
| You bought a Suzuki sidekick. | ||
| You were the man. | ||
| Tony Rock, I'm so happy that you agreed that the fanny pack is back. | ||
| The fanny pack is back. | ||
| It is, right? | ||
| The fanny pack is back. | ||
| It's a more stylish fanny pack now. | ||
| People are wearing it over the shoulder. | ||
| That's a coward's way out. | ||
| That's a coward's way out. | ||
| You still want it on the stomach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You rock it right in front of you. | ||
| That's where it's most convenient. | ||
| Listen, boys, you don't have to be trying to get laid all the time. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| You want soccer dad look. | ||
| You just want the convenience of having that bag right there. | ||
| Why can't I? Leather? | ||
| I don't want to have to carry shit. | ||
| You want leather? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You want a name like Fendi or Gucci? | ||
| No, I don't need that. | ||
| I got this right here, bro. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's nice, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's very naked and afraid-ish. | ||
| You can keep this shit on you. | ||
| Doesn't feel uncomfortable. | ||
| You got your keys. | ||
| You got your phone. | ||
| You don't think about shit. | ||
| I got keys, phone, wallet in my pocket. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| People are tired of hearing about this. | ||
| But I'm telling you, it's the way to go. | ||
| The fanny pack is back. | ||
| I got one that I wear when I run. | ||
| Oh, so you have more than one. | ||
| Yeah, I got a neoprene one. | ||
| You have the running fanny pack? | ||
| Yeah, dude, it's nice. | ||
| You slip your phone in there, get your little headsets on. | ||
| You can cheat with your music. | ||
| Jamie, I've been cheating. | ||
| I cheat when I run now. | ||
| I listen to music. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| You guys were alright. | ||
| How's that cheating? | ||
| I used to say that if you ran, running, especially running hills, is difficult. | ||
| So you should do it with no music. | ||
| You should be motivated. | ||
| Just zone out. | ||
| Just fucking do the work. | ||
| But then I did it a couple times with music. | ||
| I'm like, this is way better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you're supposed to run. | ||
| You're supposed to hear a little something to get you going. | ||
| Yeah, it's way better. | ||
| It's way better. | ||
| Treadmill. | ||
| Get on the treadmill, just music, go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just gotta hear shit. | ||
| As long as it's not too loud. | ||
| The thing about running in the mountains is like, what if someone's screaming for help? | ||
| And, you know, you're running by, it's the Eye of the Tigers! | ||
| If they're already in the mountains and they need help, there's nothing you can do already. | ||
| What if it's Laurel Canyon? | ||
| You know, what if you're just running up the canyon? | ||
| To be a good person, you should be aware. | ||
| They need help. | ||
| They need you to help them take an Instagram picture. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| If they're in Laurel Canyon. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Half of the people there are just like, I want to get a good shot. | ||
| I know. | ||
| How many people hike just to get a good shot at the top? | ||
| It's a good Instagram photo. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| You can get a lot of likes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they go for. | ||
| They go for the likes. | ||
| It's some sort of commodity. | ||
| It seems to be, right? | ||
| If you're a girl with a nice body, a bunch of likes, seems to translate into hosting parties for some reason. | ||
| Ooh, yeah, that's right. | ||
| You only have to have a certain amount. | ||
| Yeah, you go to a club and it's hosted tonight by... | ||
| Who the fuck is this girl? | ||
| Well, it's the minimalist approach, right? | ||
| It's like, not only is it not... | ||
| She doesn't display a talent, but you also don't even hear her talk. | ||
| You just see the pictures, but just that enough... | ||
| It takes less and less and less and less to be a celebrity these days. | ||
| That's a strange one though, isn't it? | ||
| To be considered a celebrity. | ||
| Yeah, that's one of the weirder ones. | ||
| One of the weirder ones is getting down to just being famous for photographs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They call them Instagram models. | ||
| So there's an Instagram modeling agency? | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Am I a hater for saying that? | ||
| Because I like to look at them. | ||
| So why would I be upset ever at someone who's making something that I like to look at? | ||
| Right? | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I'm not mad at all. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That people would be like, fuck these Instagram hoes, they're big asses. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But don't you want to see those pictures? | ||
| I'd love to see the pictures. | ||
| We're all hypocrites. | ||
| Those are the guys that they're not fucking that are saying that. | ||
| We're all hypocrites. | ||
| That's just nature, right? | ||
| It's the way of the world. | ||
| The way of the land. | ||
| Yeah, that is, right? | ||
| And Instagram's just such a fascinating thing that people can... | ||
| Just show you little images of their world. | ||
| Hey, this is me at the grocery store with my dog. | ||
| And make their world look way more interesting than it really is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| Really more interesting. | ||
| You cultivate it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Make it look like they're really vacationing all the time and they have all these clothes and they go to the best parties and you meet them and they live in Studio City with four roommates in a studio apartment. | ||
| Yeah, we all want everybody to think that we're doing better than we are, right? | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because if people think you're doing better, then it makes you feel better because they treat you like you're doing. | ||
| They treat you like you're at the level that you're fictitiously portraying. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So you get better treatment based on a life you don't really live. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if you become insta-famous, what do you get out of that? | ||
| You can make a living off of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I see comics doing it all the time. | ||
| Yeah, there's a... | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| Dude, Kyle Dunnigan blew up because of those little videos that he puts up on his... | ||
| You ever see those? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| Kyle's my man too. | ||
| I've known Kyle for years. | ||
| Kyle does face swaps with Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump. | ||
| You've never seen it? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Please go back to the one where Bruce is telling them he's pregnant. | ||
| See if you can find that one. | ||
| Dude, he's genius. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I've known Kyle for so long. | ||
| Dude, it is the funniest page on the internet. | ||
| I'm not bullshit. | ||
| Kyle Donegan's Instagram page is the funniest page on the internet. | ||
| Okay, that's saying a lot. | ||
| Dude, I swear to God, I cry. | ||
| Because I have yet to see a really... | ||
| Well, I've seen a few, but then they kind of just fizzle out. | ||
| I cry. | ||
| Show them the one with Kim Kardashian and the washing machine. | ||
| The dishwasher. | ||
| Or the clothes washing machine. | ||
| The one where she's lost in the house? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| The buildup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have an emergency. | |
| Where is it at? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it, Cam? | |
| I'm lost in my house. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Look at your surroundings. | ||
| What do you see? | ||
| There's this white box. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that white box? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I put north inside so we see. | ||
| Oh, you're such a great mom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| All right, let me get Kanye on the phone. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| Yeah, call Kanye. | ||
| Hello? | ||
| Hey, Kanye, Kim's lost again. | ||
| Do you know what that white box is behind her? | ||
| It looks like I've got two dates. | ||
| You don't know my girl's lost in space. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| But I didn't get into a rocket. | ||
| Crap, it's a genius at work. | ||
| Yeah, Kim, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Don't interrupt me, genius. | ||
| Now program R2-D2. He'll save you from outer space. | ||
| You're my army girl. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fat beat kind of guy. | ||
| Cheers, oh, Spain. | ||
| Dude, this shit is so silly. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| He's talking to Donald Trump? | ||
| Dude, he's got a shitload of them, man. | ||
| You gotta go to his page. | ||
| I gotta follow him. | ||
| There's nothing like a regular person on his page. | ||
| There's nothing like, here's me at the movies. | ||
| There's no pictures of his food. | ||
| Oh, look at the sunset. | ||
| No, there's none of that shit. | ||
| His page is basically like a channel. | ||
| Oh shit, he's got 304,000 views. | ||
| He deserves it. | ||
| Shout out Kyle Dunnigan, man. | ||
| He deserves it. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| This is the funniest page on the internet. | ||
| I gotta follow it. | ||
| Oh my god, it kills me. | ||
| It's such an interesting... | ||
| Some people use it right. | ||
| Some people use Instagram correctly. | ||
| Oh, he's nailing it. | ||
| But more importantly, this is like a new thing. | ||
| Like, he's able to put his... | ||
| Like, use his mouth and use other people's faces for the first time. | ||
| Like, when has anybody ever been able to do that without some great giant studio behind you? | ||
| The fact that he can do all this shit on his phone... | ||
| Impressive. | ||
| This is a new feature. | ||
| You can do it on your phone. | ||
| You can download that. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I know you can do it, but I'm saying that now it opens up this whole new kind of comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a new kind of comedy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, we know he's not those people, but he's doing those people. | ||
| It's like an ultra hilarious impression. | ||
| It's his own SNL on his phone. | ||
| You got to see him do Bill Maher. | ||
| Find the Bill Maher one. | ||
| His Bill Maher one is fucking genius. | ||
| He sounds exactly like Bill Maher. | ||
| And then he's got Bill Maher's face. | ||
| Shit is so funny, man. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| This is just like a new thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| People get this new opportunity to do shit on. | ||
| You know, the internet is so interesting in that way. | ||
| Just some new thing opens up and some comic goes, oh, look at this. | ||
| MySpace was that, Twitter was that, Facebook was that. | ||
| Well, I had seen people do little things. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Hey diddle diddle, the cat in the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| A cow jumped over the moon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It took NASA astronauts going 17,000 miles an hour a week to get to the moon. | |
| This is bullshit. | ||
| A cow couldn't jump over one of you stupid idiots during nappy time, okay? | ||
| Oh, you're crying now? | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm on page two. | |
| Buckle up, assholes. | ||
| Good impression. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That impression is fucking genius. | ||
| Oh, that was great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was great. | |
| He's so good, dude. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| And it's the face swap thing makes it a hundred times better. | ||
| Like, that shit would be funny on its own, but with him doing that face swap, it's just a different thing. | ||
| I have to follow Kyle. | ||
| Yeah, you're following him right now, live on the podcast, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| He's following Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan won. | ||
| Tony Rock, I think you are one of the comics in this world that does not get the credit that you deserve. | ||
| You are one of those guys. | ||
| I thank you and I agree. | ||
| I think you're one of the funniest guys alive. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I thank you and I agree. | ||
| I watched you do a set, I guess it was last month. | ||
| How long ago was the last time? | ||
| We did Tripoli's show at the store, right? | ||
| How long ago was that? | ||
| About two months, maybe. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Dude, you're funny as fuck. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| You're funny as fuck. | ||
| It's fun to watch. | ||
| You got a lot of energy, too, man. | ||
| You're powerful. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| That was a thing like a couple guys after your set were like, woo! | ||
| That was some heavy hitters on that one that night. | ||
| That was a fun show. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| Was Billy on that one? | ||
| Was Bill Burr on that one? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I mean, he's been on a bunch of them. | ||
| Tripoli throws some amazing shows at the store. | ||
| We did Montreal New Faces together. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Every time I see Trip, I'm like, hey, you know we're linked forever, man. | ||
| We did New Faces together. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| New Faces. | ||
| Dude, I remember those days. | ||
| Days of Hope. | ||
| Me, Trip, Corey Holcomb. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Corey Holcomb. | |
| Mike Young. | ||
| All, same year. | ||
| It was a great class. | ||
| Joey Diaz speaks very highly of Corey Holcomb. | ||
| Corey Holcomb was super funny. | ||
| Yeah, Joey. | ||
| Joey Diaz I love. | ||
| Joey Diaz I will always love because Joey Diaz shot the movie... | ||
| Longish Yard? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With my brother. | ||
| And he says, he sees me at the comedy store, hey man, day one. | ||
| You know, I don't waste no time. | ||
| I see your brother day one. | ||
| I'm like, why the fuck is your brother not in this movie? | ||
| He can throw a fucking football. | ||
| He can run faster than you. | ||
| And I'm like, Joey Diaz, I will love you forever, man. | ||
| I fucking love you. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Joey Diaz does not play games. | ||
| There will be no injustices around Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's a skinny guy. | ||
| Go eat a sandwich. | ||
| He gets so mad about shit. | ||
| Whenever I'm around him, sometimes we get too high and I just don't want to get him mad about anything. | ||
| I never know what to say, what not to say. | ||
| You could mention the wrong band or the wrong food or the wrong clothes. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| And you're just getting a beat down. | ||
| If you flip the switch, he just explodes. | ||
| You gotta know days when he's actually dangerous. | ||
| You've got to catch him after jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Joey does jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| All the time, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's lost a ton of weight, too. | ||
| Joey's down, I think, I've got to say more than 50 pounds. | ||
| Oh, I haven't seen him in a while. | ||
| I've got to see him. | ||
| I want to know how much he's lost. | ||
| He's lost quite a bit of weight. | ||
| And he's going to jiu-jitsu on a regular basis. | ||
| Yeah, he gets into it. | ||
| He's doing Muay Thai now, too. | ||
| He's doing kickboxing classes. | ||
| Joey Diaz is doing kickboxing. | ||
| Joey Diaz gets down. | ||
| And I didn't want to make it seem like it was so shocking. | ||
| It's shocking to everybody. | ||
| We know. | ||
| He used to be a lot bigger, man. | ||
| But he's become much more disciplined. | ||
| He's really disciplined in his diet. | ||
| No woman in his life? | ||
| No. | ||
| Health scare? | ||
| No, he had a kid. | ||
| He had a kid a few years back, and that started the shift. | ||
| That'll do it. | ||
| And then he's just been... | ||
| He's also just been more aware, you know, as you get older. | ||
| Like, you really do have to take care of your body, or it's gonna fail. | ||
| And it might fail even if you take care of it. | ||
| You know, it's just like, you're hedging your bets. | ||
| At least you're making it stronger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| You know, it's just... | ||
| You've got to watch all the warning signs. | ||
| Obviously, a lot of excess weight is a giant warning sign. | ||
| Especially for comics. | ||
| It's like we just don't sleep. | ||
| There's a lot of drinking. | ||
| There's late nights. | ||
| And there's the travel and the stress is... | ||
| Dude, as you get older too, that don't sleep and shit just does not fly. | ||
| Your body's like, fuck you, man. | ||
| We'll get sick. | ||
| Your body's like, I'm going to sleep. | ||
| You can do whatever you want. | ||
| I'm fucking turning off. | ||
| I will give you a cold and then you'll have to lie down, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll give you a fucking three-day migraine. | |
| It's a weird thing, right? | ||
| That balance that you have to have. | ||
| Like the moment someone figures out something that you could do where you don't ever need sleep, we're going to have a weird world. | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Some kind of pill or something will come in. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| I mean, if they have pills that make you go to sleep. | ||
| Why wouldn't they have pills? | ||
| They just figure out, oh well this just counteracts all the biochemical responses that your brain creates when it needs sleep. | ||
| This way you can go through your whole day. | ||
| In the meantime, we've actually found through independent studies that it improves your recovery. | ||
| You actually live better. | ||
| Chris Ryan just posted some shit yesterday that I retweeted about how doctors and scientists were encouraging women to breastfeed And they were going to do it nationally, but it got side swiped by the formula industry. | ||
| It's terribly disturbing shit. | ||
| I believe that 100% because there's always the other side where we're going to not make money if this thing gets through. | ||
| But that one right there, that is terrible. | ||
| That's a terrible one. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You're deciding to give babies less nutrition. | ||
| You're making a decision for profit over baby's nutrition. | ||
| You're lying to moms. | ||
| It's like big tobacco. | ||
| Big tobacco is... | ||
| Yeah, but at least big tobacco isn't targeting babies. | ||
| And I know there's no supporting big tobacco. | ||
| How many people have died from fucking cigarettes? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Imagine if that was from something else, from any other product, like Diet Coke. | ||
| We have Diet Coke just killing people left and right. | ||
| Which it is. | ||
| Do you think it is? | ||
| Of course! | ||
| I'm not sure about that. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| It's not killing people like cigarettes, but... | ||
| I think it's not good for you. | ||
| But as far as anyone ever get, like, cigaretted out from Diet Cokes... | ||
| Yeah, nobody's doing commercials with the thing and the next thing I drank too much Diet Coke, but... | ||
| But if you... | ||
| I guess if you drink it all day... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's not good for you. | |
| No, and all the chemicals in it... | ||
| All the different things and all that caffeine, if you drank them, nothing but Diet Cokes all day, like 15, 20 a day. | ||
| Didn't you see, it was like a YouTube video where they put stuff in Coca-Cola and left it for days and how the Coke just destroys it. | ||
| They put like a brick in a Coca-Cola and it just dissolves the brick. | ||
| Cinder blocks would just crash it. | ||
| Yeah, I used to drink Mountain Dew like it was no tomorrow. | ||
| If you got a fat, juicy cheeseburger and a Dr. Pepper, a cold Dr. Pepper on ice, oh my goodness. | ||
| It tastes so good. | ||
| Why is it that things that taste good are so bad for you? | ||
| Most things that are bad for you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most things are just... | ||
| But that's like so many things in life. | ||
| That's how they get you. | ||
| That's how they get you. | ||
| That's how life gets you. | ||
| A Snickers is delicious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Way too much sugar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How much will you indulge that part of your brain? | ||
| How much will you let that part of your brain ruin your life? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You have to control that part of your brain. | ||
| Self-discipline. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But goddamn, man, if you're in front of an ice cream sundae, and you're just looking at that thing, you're like, aww. | ||
| That's the saying right there, self-discipline, but goddamn. | ||
| It's the hardest thing in the world. | ||
| If it's in front of me, eight times out of town, I just go, fuck it. | ||
| I just do good most of the time. | ||
| We're talking food or just bad stuff in general? | ||
| Mostly. | ||
| Bad stuff that's good for you. | ||
| Delicious food. | ||
| If I'm holding strong on my diet and someone pushes some lasagna in front of me, I'm like, oh my god, look at that. | ||
| Yeah, I try to do no dairy until I get off a plane in New York City, and I'm like, there's no way I'm not having a whole pizza from Fulton Street. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you count pizza as dairy because of the dough? | ||
| Yeah, or the cheese. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, that's right, the cheese. | ||
| Yeah, dairy's a weird one of the people, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They say that if you eat that raw cheese, that your body has a much easier time digesting it. | ||
| Raw cheese? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They have raw milk cheese. | ||
| The cheese that's made with raw milk as opposed to cheese that's made with homogenized and pasteurized milk. | ||
| I had this friend who was a surgeon from France. | ||
| Really smart guy. | ||
| He was explaining this to me once. | ||
| He had to smuggle cheese over from Europe to America and they were terrified they were going to get caught. | ||
| This guy's a cancer surgeon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because the cheese is just so much pure. | ||
| Yeah, because it's illegal to have over here. | ||
| Because they want you to have the bad stuff here. | ||
| Well, they want it to be safe. | ||
| See, there's no bad guy here. | ||
| It's kind of like a double bad guy. | ||
| Because what they're trying to do is prevent diseases. | ||
| They want milk to be able to stay on the shelf. | ||
| All of our surplus and all this stuff that we have in terms of grain and food, if we didn't have it and something went wrong, it would be kind of sketchy. | ||
| And that's what happened somewhere around World War II. That's why we created all this stuff in the first place. | ||
| That's where things started getting really weird in terms of stacking things up and surpluses. | ||
| But milk can't stay raw on a shelf very long, man. | ||
| You would lose so much money. | ||
| Because things get transported, and if it's milk, it's got to be local, it's got to be pretty fresh. | ||
| But damn, if you can get it, if you can get it from a real good Whole Foods market or one of those sprouts sometimes has raw milk, it tastes better. | ||
| Well, Whole Foods now has stuff that's just as normal as Ralph's. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like Whole Foods, the myth has been exposed. | ||
| Well, the other places like Ralph's and Vaughn's, they're becoming more diverse with their food choices. | ||
| Right, they're trying to compete with whole foods. | ||
| They're putting grass-fed meat in there and stuff like that, and organic vegetables. | ||
| Yeah, they're all... | ||
| Because that's... | ||
| The other ones... | ||
| What is it else? | ||
| It's like weird granola. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's like a weird granola aisle. | ||
| Like, who's buying this shit? | ||
| Weird quinoa section. | ||
| This is an empty section, man. | ||
| I like quinoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's tumbleweeds. | |
| I tried quinoa for the first time a couple of months ago. | ||
| It's a very good grain. | ||
| I tried kale for the first time. | ||
| What? | ||
| You never had kale? | ||
| No, I hadn't. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I'm trying to eat healthy. | ||
| I'll make you a kale shake. | ||
| You'll freak out. | ||
| You'll feel like you're on drugs. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh man, it just gets you so fired up. | ||
| So much nutrients just getting jolted into your system. | ||
| We gotta try this. | ||
| Use kale, a giant thumb-sized chunk of ginger, four garlic cloves, a pear, and celery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Yes! | ||
| And run through the wall. | ||
| Dude, when you're drinking this stuff, your whole body's going, what in the fuck is all this? | ||
| Because it's blended down. | ||
| You don't even have to chew it to absorb it, right? | ||
| It's just going right in there and getting broken down. | ||
| You feel great. | ||
| But then, you better be closed to a bathroom, son. | ||
| I was about to say that. | ||
| Yeah, we feel great, but how does the toilet feel? | ||
| It's cleaning you out. | ||
| Quickly. | ||
| Like a fucking tsunami, son. | ||
| It's coming at your butthole door. | ||
| And when it goes, especially if you put... | ||
| Oh, that's the other thing I forgot to add. | ||
| You need either coconut oil or MCT oil. | ||
| What's MCT oil? | ||
| Medium-chain triglyceride oil. | ||
| It's essentially an aspect of coconut oil that they extract. | ||
| It's just a really strong, healthy oil. | ||
| A lot of people put it in coffee and stuff and different things, but it's a good dietary aid. | ||
| But you have to put it in there because apparently... | ||
| At least as it's been explained to me, the nutrients absorb in the body better if there's fat mixed in with them. | ||
| So that healthy MCT oil or coconut oil, when you put all that stuff in there, then it allows your body to process those nutrients better. | ||
| But dude, you better be close. | ||
| I mean, like a sprint away. | ||
| So this is a cleansing shake. | ||
| This is a cleanse. | ||
| It just tastes good. | ||
| The key is don't put too much MCT oil. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| That seems to be the difference between making it to the bathroom, And having a dreadful result. | ||
| And calling for help from Laurel Canyon. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You might have to call for help. | ||
| Do you eat healthy? | ||
| I try. | ||
| I try. | ||
| You know, I have the vegan friends and I have the friends that, you know, like to cook and eat and the foodies, so I'm trying to walk the fine line. | ||
| It's hard when you're on the road, right? | ||
| It is very hard to eat healthy on the road. | ||
| I go to Whole Foods. | ||
| I try to get some soup and some chips or whatever for the room, but at 10 at night, it shows up at midnight. | ||
| I hang around and take pictures with the people, and now it's 1 o'clock, and I'm starving, and there's nothing open that I can get a healthy meal from. | ||
| Yeah, I always bring protein bars everywhere I go. | ||
| I bring almonds and protein bars. | ||
| Those are two good things to bring. | ||
| I should start doing that. | ||
| Yeah, it's like it's an easy thing like if you just use it just try to get some nutrition Just to fill your stomach. | ||
| You're hungry. | ||
| Just so I'm not hungry anymore. | ||
| Almonds are great because just a couple handfuls of- Well, I'm allergic to almonds. | ||
| I can't do almonds. | ||
| Well, don't listen to me then. | ||
| I'm allergic to almonds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll be fucked. | |
| Damn. | ||
| How'd you get allergic to almonds? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm allergic to almonds, pecans, I believe walnuts, but not peanuts because peanuts is not a nut. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Peanut grows on the ground. | ||
| Almonds, pecans grow on trees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So something weird there where- Whoa, peanuts grow on the ground. | |
| I did not know that. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| A peanut is not a nut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Jamie didn't know it either. | ||
| I can eat peanuts all day. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| All my life, I've never thought about a peanut tree. | ||
| Like, what the fuck does a peanut tree look like? | ||
| I've never thought about that once. | ||
| Even though Jimmy Carter, I remember, was a peanut farmer in Georgia. | ||
| That was like a big thing. | ||
| Oh, that was his brother. | ||
| Wasn't that his brother? | ||
| No, he was a peanut farmer. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Jimmy Carter was. | ||
| He was his family. | ||
| I could eat peanuts all day. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| But I never knew what a fucking peanut looked like, like in the ground. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I thought it was a tree. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| But even, I never even, like, I could see an orange, if you said, picture an orange tree, I could see it. | ||
| Picture a peanut tree. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What does that thing look like? | ||
| Meanwhile, I've had way more peanuts than I've had oranges. | ||
| A tree full of squirrels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what it would look like. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You always pictured squirrels with peanuts. | ||
| See, look. | ||
| That's what it looks like? | ||
| So they pulled that out of the ground. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it kind of grows like that on top of the ground right there. | ||
| Yeah, that picture. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It grows on top of the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just go and pick them. | |
| Yeah, you go. | ||
| I remember picking them with my grandmother back in South Carolina back in the day. | ||
| It really is a trip. | ||
| Some food, some of these plants are incredibly nutritious to your body, and some of these plants will kill the fuck out of you instantly. | ||
| And nature made people figure it out. | ||
| You'd have figured it out by trial and error. | ||
| Trial and error, yes. | ||
| Can you imagine what it was like? | ||
| The blowfish. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| That first guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, it's a fish. | ||
| Can we eat fish? | ||
| Bang. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| Dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How about those assholes that still decide to make sushi out of it? | ||
| If you cut it an inch to the left or an inch to the right, you're dead. | ||
| Like, why not just not eat it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no. | |
| Why not just skip that one? | ||
| That probably doesn't make it taste better. | ||
| You got those chopsticks and you're bringing it up to your lips. | ||
| You're like, did this guy fuck up? | ||
| Maybe this guy's getting old. | ||
| Maybe his vision's going bad. | ||
| He doesn't want to say anything because he wants to keep his job. | ||
| I don't know this fucking guy. | ||
| What kind of rush? | ||
| Just take a bite and wait. | ||
| Yeah, like Blowfish Sushi. | ||
| That's like the wingsuit of sushi. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Those crazy people that jump, like my friend Andy Stumpf. | ||
| They jump off cliffs and shit with those wingsuits. | ||
| That's what that is for sushi eaters. | ||
| I saw a guy go through it. | ||
| It was a guy that went through a cliff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| And it was like, if he misses, he's dead instantly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dead. | |
| Dead. | ||
| There's a lot of videos of those guys dying. | ||
| There was a video of a guy hitting a bridge. | ||
| Going like 100 plus miles an hour, hit this bridge. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| I mean, fucking awful. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bungee jumping all that stuff. | ||
| You know, Will Smith is bungee jumping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Did you see this video? | ||
| Will Smith, he posted a video on his Instagram, another guy that has a great Instagram, posted a video about how fear, no, amazing things are right on the other side of fear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's been doing this thing where he's just conquering all his fears and he has a group of guys that are professional bungee jumpers. | ||
| They're bungee jumping on his birthday, his 50th birthday, out of a helicopter over the Grand Canyon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| This I gotta see. | ||
| That seems like a terrible idea. | ||
| We did a bunch of that kind of shit on Fear Factor, man. | ||
| We did it in the last season. | ||
| In the last season, we did a couple of them that really had me freaked out, but one of them They hook people up to these bungee cords. | ||
| And they had them tied to like a post or something? | ||
| Or a tree or something? | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| They were shackled. | ||
| I think it was a post. | ||
| And the person had to release them. | ||
| Figure out which key goes into which lock. | ||
| And it was like a race to do it. | ||
| And as soon as you released them, they shot through the air. | ||
| Because there was a helicopter holding onto a bungee cord behind them. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| And then they were just dangling over this canyon. | ||
| Like bouncing up and down. | ||
| And I watched the first one. | ||
| They did a test one. | ||
| And I watched it and I was like, yeah, I mean, they know what they're doing. | ||
| I guess they know what they're doing. | ||
| These guys are like professional stunt guys. | ||
| But I was like, I would not want to be that person attached to that bungee cord. | ||
| Who was the person that came up with these things? | ||
| Like, I would watch the show. | ||
| I didn't mind the dangerous stuff like that. | ||
| Just the eating. | ||
| Like, every time I'm like, how did you know you could eat that? | ||
| Yeah, they had a whole team of people. | ||
| How do you know that won't kill you? | ||
| No, they would do toxicology examinations on certain bugs. | ||
| They'd grind them up and find out what's bad for you, what's not. | ||
| Yeah, who's that guy? | ||
| A lot of those people that ate food, man, that they shouldn't have had to eat. | ||
| They would do it with interns. | ||
| Poor interns. | ||
| Nice kids, too. | ||
| Scarred for life. | ||
| Well, they were working on production. | ||
| Not interns. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| They were PAs, production assistants. | ||
| And they would have to do these really fucking difficult eating challenges. | ||
| If they did it, they'd win a certain amount of money. | ||
| They'd get a certain amount of money. | ||
| I would always give them whatever I had in my pocket, too. | ||
| They won't eat anything other than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, those poor kids. | |
| Some of it was ridiculous. | ||
| There's some things you just can't eat. | ||
| You just can't chew it down enough. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The smell, you'd be like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's coming up. | ||
| Yeah, but that didn't scare me. | ||
| What scares me is the bungee cords under the helicopters type shit. | ||
| That was like... | ||
| How do you know that that's gonna work out right every time? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd take the bungee cord over the helicopter before bull nuts and all that stuff. | ||
| No. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes, man. | ||
| Dude, bull nuts are just meat. | ||
| You just eat it. | ||
| That's one of the easiest ones. | ||
| Bull nuts would be super easy. | ||
| People love those things. | ||
| They call them Rocky Mountain oysters. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| I've seen one of those cooking shows, and they fry them hard. | ||
| They look like fried pork rinds, and people are just going to town. | ||
| Oh, is that what they do with them? | ||
| It looks like pork rinds, really? | ||
| Yeah, they slice it and fry it up hard. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I hadn't seen that. | ||
| I'd seen sautéed, and I'd seen where they breaded them. | ||
| Breaded bull nuts. | ||
| Breaded them and fried them. | ||
| Yeah, apparently people love them. | ||
| There they are. | ||
| They chopped those up. | ||
| Rocky Mountain Oysters. | ||
| Looks like fried cauliflower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man's dominion over animals. | ||
| Now imagine the person who tells you that's cauliflower, you eat it, or they say it's calamari, you eat it, and then your friend's like, nah, I'm kidding, it was bull nuts. | ||
| See, it really bothers you that it's bull nuts. | ||
| Yeah, kinda. | ||
| Doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| I think if you're gonna eat the whole animal, you might as well eat his balls, too. | ||
| Just out of respect. | ||
| I mean, you know, the whole thing about castrating them is strange too. | ||
| They only castrate them because they want them to be, that's how you get a steer, right? | ||
| Like when they make a steak. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You get it out of a steer. | ||
| That means it doesn't breed. | ||
| It's like a bull that they snipped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| That's just how they do it. | ||
| Sad for the bull. | ||
| Sad life. | ||
| Unfortunate. | ||
| Unfortunate. | ||
| So, like, they must do that with grass-fed beef, too, right? | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| What's the one they put in the box? | ||
| Wait, it's veal, right? | ||
| They put it in the box? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if that doesn't bother you... | |
| What kind of person are you? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| They put the calf, right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| They put the calf in a box so he can't grow? | ||
| Yeah, and they keep him in the dark. | ||
| And that keeps the meat tender or something like that? | ||
| Now, who's the person that came up with that one? | ||
| That guy was an asshole. | ||
| That guy was an asshole. | ||
| We just put it in a dark box for years and then the meat will be... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, here's the thing that I found from eating wild meat specifically, and I know that everybody can't eat wild meat. | ||
| I'm very aware of that argument. | ||
| But none of those animals are like that. | ||
| They're living this buck wild nature life. | ||
| They're out there in the woods with predators, and they're surviving for years in the mountains. | ||
| There's mountain lions out there and bears out there, and these fucking things have figured out a way to get away from them and survive. | ||
| They're wired and alive. | ||
| And if you eat one of those, it's just a different thing than eating these prisoners, you know? | ||
| We're eating prisoners! | ||
| That's bad too, to be out in the wild living your life, you're an elk, and then a human walks into this forum that doesn't belong, he's the outsider, and blows your fucking head off. | ||
| True, unless you like to eat elk, then it's awesome. | ||
| That's exactly what you were looking for. | ||
| We could decide all day whose land is whose land. | ||
| It's their land. | ||
| This is where the elk live. | ||
| This is their home. | ||
| They will walk right through your fucking living room and stomp your kid to death, okay? | ||
| Don't get it twisted. | ||
| I don't think an elk was coming to my living room. | ||
| But if they wanted to, they're not respecting our property because they love us. | ||
| We have a mutual agreement. | ||
| They're not really dangerous, but moose are. | ||
| Moose will fuck you up. | ||
| I've heard moose are gigantic. | ||
| If you find a moose in your backyard, get the fuck back in your house. | ||
| Because a moose might fuck you up. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Especially if you come near a mama. | ||
| It's a mama in her calves. | ||
| I've never seen a moose live. | ||
| The fuck away. | ||
| They're so big, dude. | ||
| They don't even look real. | ||
| When you see them, they're so big. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| They're like 20 deer. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Really? | ||
| Moose are like, what, North America? | ||
| Canada? | ||
| Yeah, like probably North. | ||
| There's no moose in like North Carolina. | ||
| There's moose in Colorado. | ||
| There's moose in Canada. | ||
| There's a lot of moose in certain parts of Canada. | ||
| They eat them? | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's moose in Alaska. | ||
| Oh yeah, moose is delicious. | ||
| But dude, they're so big. | ||
| You can't believe how big they are when you see them. | ||
| You've eaten moose before? | ||
| Yeah, I've eaten moose before. | ||
| Yeah, it's really good. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| You eat a lot of stuff, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's better for you. | ||
| But the whole point was this whole veal thing. | ||
| Like, you know, I don't want that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, that is not... | ||
| Like, that's not... | ||
| You don't have to eat that. | ||
| Like, why do you even want it that tender? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Does it hurt when you chew? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Like, I don't get it, man. | ||
| Are you scared of chewing? | ||
| I just want good tasting food. | ||
| Can we make this any softer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| It's like, oh, it's so tender. | ||
| We're so lazy. | ||
| We don't even want to work out when we eat. | ||
| We're like, oh, it's so tender. | ||
| It falls off the bone. | ||
| It just melts in your mouth. | ||
| Chew it, you lazy asshole. | ||
| Just take the fuck and get it off the bone. | ||
| Just chew it, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, I'd rather keep this little baby cow hostage all hog-tied. | |
| Dude. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It is horrible. | ||
| That's one of the more horrible things about farming, right? | ||
| I guess they have free-range veal, too, which is basically just a calf. | ||
| What is free-range? | ||
| Free-range is still in prison and on a farm. | ||
| Free-range chickens, they can't come and go. | ||
| They're still on a farm. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But free-range chickens are the exception. | ||
| Because free-range chickens, they don't get anywhere. | ||
| If you have a chicken house, and you have a yard, you don't ever have to fence the chickens in. | ||
| The only reason why you fence the chickens in is protecting them from other things. | ||
| They go right in their chicken house at night. | ||
| I have chickens, we leave the door open. | ||
| At the end of the day, they just go in their little chicken coop and climb up into their seats. | ||
| They know what to do. | ||
| That's their house. | ||
| They live there. | ||
| They have some weird relationship with me. | ||
| They know I bring food. | ||
| So when I come around, they get excited and they follow me around. | ||
| But they know where they live. | ||
| They're not prisoners. | ||
| They want to be there. | ||
| You have free-range chickens. | ||
| Yeah, they're free-range in the sense that I let them out all the time. | ||
| But the thing about it is they're not going to go to another state. | ||
| That's not what chickens do. | ||
| Chickens hang around. | ||
| They hang around where they're going to be fed at because they're wild animals. | ||
| Well, no, they eat all over the yard. | ||
| We get fed here. | ||
| This guy comes out and throws grain on the ground twice a day, so we're gonna stay here. | ||
| Well, it's not even that. | ||
| When you let them out, they go looking for bugs. | ||
| That's all they're doing. | ||
| They wander around the yard. | ||
| They fuck every bug up. | ||
| Every bug's dead. | ||
| Every mouse dead. | ||
| Anything that's in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chickens eat mice? | |
| Oh, they eat the fuck out of mice. | ||
| Chickens eat mice. | ||
| Jamie, I think we need to play an off-played clip for Mr. Rock. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I didn't know either until I got them. | ||
| They eat mice. | ||
| They chase mice down in a ferocious manner. | ||
| To the point where cats... | ||
| Please pull this up. | ||
| There's a fantastic video of a cat playing with a mouse, and a chicken comes over and shows them how the fuck it's done. | ||
| So here's one where they're going to put a mouse, and this chicken's going to grab it from this dude. | ||
| That's not as impressive, Jamie. | ||
| Give me the one where the... | ||
| Give me the one with a cat. | ||
| The chicken steals the mouse from the cat. | ||
| It says, do chicken eat mice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People have these questions. | |
| We had a mouse get into the chicken coop once, just randomly. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this cat. | ||
| The cat's thinking about getting the mouse, and the chicken's like, bitch, give me that. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Did you fucking know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Ferocious, dude. | ||
| Just consuming it. | ||
| See, cats kill things. | ||
| And the cat didn't even try to get it. | ||
| The cat was like, you got it. | ||
| He was gonna. | ||
| He was taking his time. | ||
| He was having a good old time. | ||
| No, he didn't try to get it from the chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The chicken got it. | ||
| Okay, you got it, man. | ||
| No, chickens are too crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Learn something new every day. | ||
| Chicken eat nice. | ||
| Wild little fuckers. | ||
| So they just go around my yard, jacking everything that moves. | ||
| How many chickens you got? | ||
| Thirteen. | ||
| Damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lost a bunch of them. | |
| You got a rooster? | ||
| Lost a bunch of them to coyotes. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No rooster. | ||
| Can't have a rooster. | ||
| That's an asshole move. | ||
| Every morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I was in Tampa. | ||
| You've done the Tampa Improv. | ||
| You see the chickens all around Ybor? | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| You do chickens. | ||
| Five in the morning. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Can they do something about this? | ||
| I used to have a gardener that he kept roosters, like fighting roosters. | ||
| And I went over to his house for something. | ||
| And he lived in this super Mexican neighborhood where everything was in Spanish. | ||
| All the signs were in Spanish. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| I mean, it was almost like visiting a section. | ||
| Super Mexican? | ||
| Nothing was in English. | ||
| Everything was in Spanish. | ||
| But it was just super Mexican, to the point where everybody in his little area had boxes of chicken coops in the backyard, just stacked. | ||
| Fighting chickens. | ||
| Yeah, fighting chickens. | ||
| Dude, I mean, like five houses on this one block. | ||
| That's the cultural thing, right? | ||
| Fighting chickens. | ||
| So, like, people fight dogs and everybody's, what the fuck? | ||
| It's like, isn't that a cultural thing also? | ||
| Disclaimer, I don't fight dogs. | ||
| I don't even own a dog. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| We make a distinction between chickens and dogs. | ||
| Because we eat chickens. | ||
| Because we eat chickens and because you never really form a bond with a chicken. | ||
| Like, chickens are always... | ||
| They're never really there for you. | ||
| You know, like, my dog's there for me. | ||
| I come home, I'm like, my man! | ||
| He gets happy. | ||
| I go, what are you doing? | ||
| How are you, sir? | ||
| He gives me kisses. | ||
| He rolls on his back. | ||
| A dog is a family member. | ||
| A chicken is a meal. | ||
| Yeah, and he listens to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's... | |
| He's patient. | ||
| You can train a chicken. | ||
| You can't train shit with a chicken. | ||
| You can teach them where the food is. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| No, you just make the noise and they know when they hear that noise. | ||
| We have a box of dried worms. | ||
| We shake this box of dried mealworms and as soon as they hear that they come running. | ||
| They love those things. | ||
| They're little monsters. | ||
| It's like fish when you put your hand over... | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| They think you can drop some food on them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you can train them that much. | ||
| So we make a distinction. | ||
| So when someone's forcing dogs to kill each other, that's like forcing a family member that can't read to fight to the death. | ||
| It's like making two of your friends fight to the death. | ||
| Yeah, like if you have a family member who can't read and you trick them into fighting to the death. | ||
| Tell him you'll love him the most if he does it. | ||
| Hey, dude, if you fight to death, I will love you the most. | ||
| But you have to win for me to love you. | ||
| He's just smart for like a plant. | ||
| Smart for like, you know, like a... | ||
| But not smart for a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, he's not quiet. | ||
| But you can talk him into it. | ||
| Just ask him a question. | ||
| I don't want anybody to get upset and say I said anything about fighting dogs. | ||
| I know how sensitive some people are. | ||
| Dude, today you can't riff anymore. | ||
| You can't just talk off the top of your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| You know, like sometimes you say some shit where you're just exploring it. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| How come it's okay with chickens and it's not okay with dogs? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you might actually be only... | ||
| You might be... | ||
| The only reasonable way to do that was to say it's fucked up with chickens, too. | ||
| That's the reasonable way. | ||
| But people would always misinterpret it and go with the worst way is to say, what's wrong with fighting dogs? | ||
| Which is not what you said. | ||
| They're going to hear what they want to hear. | ||
| But you were really saying, why should you be able to fight chickens? | ||
| Why shouldn't we love chickens just as much? | ||
| Because we eat them. | ||
| Because they're delicious. | ||
| Shouldn't they get the nod because they're delicious? | ||
| I went to an ashram once. | ||
| And this lady who was there, she and I were having a conversation. | ||
| And I noticed that she had ant spray. | ||
| And I said, what do you do with the ant spray? | ||
| She goes, well, it's unfortunate, but we have to use it because the ants have been getting to the garbage. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| I go, you guys are murderers? | ||
| You guys are killing ants? | ||
| And she started laughing. | ||
| She thought it was kind of funny. | ||
| She's like, eh. | ||
| We draw the line. | ||
| That's one thing about Buddhists, like a lot of Buddhists, they don't take themselves too seriously to the point where they can't crack out a little joke about... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| The hypocrisy of the fact they're using bug spray in an ashram. | ||
| That's very good. | ||
| Death spray. | ||
| You're killing all these organisms. | ||
| But we decide that that's okay. | ||
| Whereas if her backyard was invaded by house cats, she just went out and shotgunned them. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't do that, but you can spray the fuck out of these little bugs. | ||
| And you've got to kill them. | ||
| It's like when things are little, we're like, I can't be bothered worrying about you. | ||
| You're too little. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird, right? | |
| Buddhist, you would think, though. | ||
| They would... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you would think that they would figure out a better way to keep those ants out. | ||
| They're lazy. | ||
| They wanted to kill them. | ||
| Buddhist are lazy. | ||
| Well, that one was. | ||
| We just learned it today. | ||
| Well, don't you think there could have been a way to clean them up with water and not kill them? | ||
| No, you'd still kill some. | ||
| You'd still kill some. | ||
| Why not just sweep them out? | ||
| Like, you're a Buddhist. | ||
| Why not just sweep them outside? | ||
| But even then, you're murdering dozens and dozens of ants. | ||
| If you just had a broom and you started hitting those ants, you're going to fuck up a few. | ||
| Or how about you get an anteater if you're a Buddhist? | ||
| Because now it's Circle of Life type shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Damn, maybe. | ||
| Get a chicken. | ||
| Get a chicken. | ||
| Chicken eats. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Then you got chicken shit all over your kitchen. | ||
| Well, you sweep that up. | ||
| That's not going to kill anybody. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Maybe that's the move for a Buddhist. | ||
| Yeah, they should have chickens outside the ashram. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| We're finding answers here. | ||
| We're getting answers. | ||
| We're getting down to the bottom. | ||
| I wonder if they try to make their chickens vegetarian. | ||
| Here, what does it say here? | ||
| If you have an infestation, use your vacuum to quickly get rid of the invaders, then immediately empty the vacuum bag in the outdoor compost pile or at some distance from your house. | ||
| Do not use ant bait or poison, like sprays like Raid. | ||
| That continue in the toxic waste stream from their point of manufacture to their ultimate destination in landfills via runoff or sewage. | ||
| Well, that's very conscious of them. | ||
| So they're saying, don't use bug spray, just use a vacuum cleaner. | ||
| You're still going to kill some, guaranteed. | ||
| You're sucking those little tiny things into a huge metal tube. | ||
| What could go wrong? | ||
| Get a chicken, man. | ||
| Can you imagine if somebody, like, assumed that you would be okay, and they used something of proportionate size to suck you off the earth? | ||
| Like, yeah, they'll be fine. | ||
| They'll be fine. | ||
| You land on a pile of other people going 180 miles an hour. | ||
| Or you and another person get sucked up at the same time, and you just smash into each other, your broken arms and shoulders. | ||
| I think that's ridiculous. | ||
| What would you do if there wasn't a vacuum cleaner, Mr. Buddhist Answer Man? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| What if there's no vacuum cleaner? | ||
| Would you use a broom? | ||
| A vacuum cleaner is gonna fuck those ants up. | ||
| I say chicken. | ||
| Chicken eats ants. | ||
| Yeah, I think I like what you're doing. | ||
| I think that's a smart way of thinking. | ||
| Ant-eater, even further. | ||
| But I think ant-eaters just like to get to a mound of dirt and just go to town. | ||
| I don't know if they would hunt them down. | ||
| They stick their tongues in the ant hole, right? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Tongues are like sticky, so it's just like they're just eating for days. | ||
| But what if they wiped them out real quick and then you got a fucking ant-eater that you have to feed, then you got to bring in ants, and you're like, what kind of an asshole am I? What eats an ant-eater? | ||
| What eats an ant-eater? | ||
| You bring in a fucking jaguar. | ||
| You bring in a black bear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now you're a psycho Buddhist. | ||
| Dude, there is a crazy video that I tweeted of these tourists walking through the woods and they're walking down a trail and they run into a fucking gigantic grizzly bear. | ||
| It is a terrifying video. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I tweeted it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't put it on Instagram. | ||
| Dude, this thing is so big. | ||
| And they're like, all right, back up! | ||
| Back up, sir! | ||
| They got away. | ||
| Back up! | ||
| Yeah, they got away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see the video of the poachers that went to kill the rhino and the lion killed them? | ||
| I heard about it. | ||
| Is there a video of it? | ||
| I saw a picture. | ||
| I saw a still picture. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know if they got a video, but yeah, that's fucked up. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
| A few dudes got jacked, right? | ||
| That's we even. | ||
| That's the lion saying we even. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Turn up the volume, Jamie. | ||
| I don't want to use my best break. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| I don't want to use my bear spray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good boy. | |
| That's a good boy. | ||
| He's coming around. | ||
| What the fuck do you mean, good boy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| Can I come forward? | ||
| Yeah, see, here's the thing. | ||
| These motherfuckers, it's following him. | ||
| It's circling him around. | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| That thing is circling him, man. | ||
| It's going towards him. | ||
| That's a good boy. | ||
| That thing is coming way too close to him, man. | ||
| It's like going in a circle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crap, he's huge. | |
| Hell no. | ||
| Yeah, they got lucky there. | ||
| I would have been gone. | ||
| The scary thing about that is that bear could have just decided randomly through some firing of his bear synapses to take a left instead of a right. | ||
| Just go at him. | ||
| He could have easily decided that. | ||
| Those things scare the shit out of me. | ||
| You know why, man? | ||
| We don't believe in things we don't see. | ||
| We don't believe in them. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You don't believe in things you don't see. | ||
| You know it's real, but you don't believe in it. | ||
| The danger? | ||
| No, you don't believe in it. | ||
| It's not a real thing in your world. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| If you were outside and you saw that, if you were with those people in Australia, you'd be like, oh, Jesus Christ, this is real. | ||
| Well, no, if I was there, I would know that that's the reality. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Like, my world doesn't involve being somewhere near that close to a bear. | ||
| So to see it in my world would be... | ||
| It wouldn't be real. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'd be like, holy shit, this can't be happening. | ||
| But if you were with those people, if you went on that trip with them... | ||
| Yeah, I'd be... | ||
| That would be one of the craziest things you could ever do. | ||
| Your whole existence gets down to the chance that this thing makes a decision to go one way or another. | ||
| Otherwise, it's just going to run you down and tear you apart. | ||
| That's like life. | ||
| If you go in certain scenarios, you're like, wait, this shit can get real fast. | ||
| Real fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one of them, man. | ||
| That's life. | ||
| Inner city life is just like, holy shit. | ||
| Is this about to pop off in here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like how many people died in Chicago last week? | ||
| Some insane number. | ||
| There was the reporting on the lack of attention that the murders in Chicago were getting in like the national news and how crazy it is. | ||
| I've been to Chicago several times. | ||
| The one thing that sticks out to me every time I go there is how segregated it is. | ||
| Yeah, I've never gone anywhere. | ||
| For a major city like New York is like we're all right piled up together. | ||
| Four killed, 24 wounded in weekend shootings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| 28 people got shot, dude. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| 28 people in a weekend. | ||
| 12, 15 in the afternoon, it said. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Standing on the sidewalk. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Someone opened fire. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| 19-year-old. | ||
| There is a war going on in Chicago that's way more deadly than most of the wars we're engaging in overseas. | ||
| You don't hear about that many soldiers dying every day. | ||
| Now, that's another scenario, how we said, like, that's real. | ||
| Yeah, that's real. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Unless you're there. | ||
| You walk outside in Chicago, that is a real fear that you should have. | ||
| And this is what's great. | ||
| The number of people in Chicago this year passes 1,400! | ||
| 1,400 people shot! | ||
| Now, how many people do we know how many people got shot, like, doing tours of Afghanistan? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Is it 1,400? | ||
| So what is this? | ||
| This is over the year? | ||
| This is just this year. | ||
| Just this year? | ||
| This year, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So let's Google how many soldiers were shot overseas this year. | ||
| You know, that's a weird thing, man, that we got a war going on. | ||
| If that was Mexicans invading North Dakota and shooting people and that many people were dying every day, we would be taking action. | ||
| But because it's happening to people... | ||
| If it was 1,400 and a hundred of them were white people, it would be an issue. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If it was 1,300 black people and 100 white people, it'd be... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We shut Chicago down. | ||
| You're really right. | ||
| This is... | ||
| I mean, it's something that people don't talk about. | ||
| It's 300... | ||
| I mean, it's like... | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| That's a weird statistic. | ||
| It's a terrible situation, like culturally, to have something like this as a glaring point. | ||
| And with 1,400 people being shot, that means, and people don't want to realize this, is, you know, post-traumatic stress disorder is a real thing in the ghetto as well as in... | ||
| The hills of Afghanistan. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| So when you see something, when people are like, why do these guys have guns on them? | ||
| It's like, dude, 1,400 people got shot. | ||
| I'm just trying to get to school and back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm trying to get to work and back. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's, you know, we're not protecting those people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| If they were stuck somewhere overseas in the middle of some war, and they were American citizens, they'd be like, please help get us out of here. | ||
| If there was a place that had statistically the numbers of the south side of Chicago where all the murders going down, if there was a place statistically in another part of the world, we would be saying... | ||
| Put those numbers anywhere else, and it's a crisis. | ||
| If we had, let's say, Hawaii. | ||
| Let's say if we had just moved into Hawaii, just took over Hawaii, and then we were in an area where people started getting shot and killed by locals like that. | ||
| We would want to extract those people from Hawaii. | ||
| We'd scoop them up from an island. | ||
| We would think they'd be shooting at the helicopters as we rescue them. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, you just look at the real numbers, just the raw numbers. | ||
| That's a crazy number of people getting shot in a year. | ||
| Just this year. | ||
| This is July. | ||
| July just started. | ||
| How many soldiers got shot? | ||
| I'm trying to find the wounded. | ||
| I can only find deaths. | ||
| Okay, what's the deaths? | ||
| It's only like 1,500 total since like 2001. Since 2001, man! | ||
| This is since January! | ||
| It seems weird saying only. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| You're saying in comparison to the other number, since January. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| And that's happening right here in the good old U.S. of A. in one of the biggest cities in the world. | ||
| Chicago's a giant, awesome city. | ||
| And it's happening in other cities also that people don't know about. | ||
| But Chicago's the most glaring. | ||
| I don't travel around there, so I don't know what happened or why it happened, why they have this segregation there and what it was all about. | ||
| Go to Chicago, man. | ||
| It's like black people all the way over there. | ||
| Then there's downtown where it's nice and everybody's, you know... | ||
| Detroit has that too, right? | ||
| Detroit as well, yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, um, man. | ||
| And you go down south, it's like that? | ||
| You go to Louisiana? | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| If you were the king, or the president, Tony Rock- If I was the president? | ||
| How do you fix this? | ||
| You have to fix this. | ||
| It's a process, man. | ||
| First, I always say number one is education. | ||
| Education is number one. | ||
| If you're getting a better education, then you just avoid the pitfalls naturally because you just know that certain things are wrong. | ||
| And by getting a better education, you have opportunities to do. | ||
| You have music appreciation. | ||
| You have the arts. | ||
| You have sports. | ||
| You have things to occupy you. | ||
| During school hours and after school hours. | ||
| There's no type of any type of extracurricular activities for these kids. | ||
| In Chicago, there's gang life, which you are born into, which you are expected to go into once you are a certain age. | ||
| Alright, you're a man now, here's a gun. | ||
| We don't like those guys. | ||
| Those guys don't like us. | ||
| You don't even question it. | ||
| It's like my father's been this way, my grandfather's been this way, my uncles are this way, my big brothers are this way. | ||
| You're born right into it. | ||
| You're born in a war zone. | ||
| Alright, and you don't question it. | ||
| And it's a war zone where you sleep and your family lives. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not just a war zone with soldiers, but a war zone with families. | ||
| And another thing, better education, you're more worldly. | ||
| If you see the world, you realize how small your neighborhood is and there's a bigger world out there and you want to go places and see things, then you realize, like, what are we doing here? | ||
| But these are people that I guarantee probably never left Chicago. | ||
| Probably never went on vacation to the South to visit grandparents and realized, damn, the South is nice and quiet and the people are friendly and they've never been to, you know... | ||
| The zoo and saw an animal and went home and Googled the mating rituals of this. | ||
| Open your mind. | ||
| Open your mind. | ||
| You see the world. | ||
| The stuff that you're involved in becomes just so small. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy, I don't like this guy because he has one red and I have one blue. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| So education. | ||
| That tiny little area, you know, that he operates in with his living his life. | ||
| It does matter. | ||
| You know, it's a reality. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Your reality is what's around you. | ||
| Yeah, that's what... | ||
| Until you get a scope of a bigger world. | ||
| Like, I grew up in the hood. | ||
| I grew up in Bedside, Brooklyn. | ||
| One of the wildest neighborhoods when I was growing up there. | ||
| But my vision was past it. | ||
| My vision was, yeah, this is going on outside, but I'm going to be there one day. | ||
| What do you attribute having the ability to do that to? | ||
| Having a mom and a dad. | ||
| My father worked two full-time jobs my whole childhood. | ||
| My father literally worked 80 hours a week. | ||
| 80! | ||
| So just to see him go every day, like, damn, this dude works hard, man. | ||
| Didn't have a lot to show for it. | ||
| Made sure his kids had... | ||
| Mom was a teacher. | ||
| Education was, you know, she made an emphasis on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You know, it was like my friends, one of my best friends down the block, no dad. | ||
| My friend across the street, no dad. | ||
| My friend two doors down, no dad. | ||
| Then crack came. | ||
| And that was, everything fucked up. | ||
| Everything started just, the neighborhood started just to, you know. | ||
| Yeah, that was like a plague. | ||
| Crack was people that are alive today, or young kids today, they don't remember the 80s. | ||
| There was like a plague. | ||
| A plague hit. | ||
| Everybody knew somebody that got hit. | ||
| And so many people's lives were gone. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Over. | ||
| People who were doing fine, and then all of a sudden... | ||
| Yep, I remember it. | ||
| I remember it well. | ||
| Yeah, it was a weird crime wave, too. | ||
| Yeah, started losing friends. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| I started losing friends. | ||
| I saw... | ||
| Like, people don't... | ||
| It was crazy, man. | ||
| Like, some of the shit we saw... | ||
| I saw a friend get shot in the head. | ||
| Like, talk to him on the corner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Engaged. | |
| What's up, man? | ||
| Yeah, we gonna play ball later. | ||
| You wanna play ball? | ||
| Alright, cool. | ||
| I'll hit you later. | ||
| Turn to walk down the block. | ||
| Looked maybe, you know, a thousand feet away and looked back to like, just, you know, look around the neighborhood and saw a guy just run up. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| He looked like, if you ever see an old Big Daddy Kane album, he had the flat top and a bunch of jewelry on, on the corner, on the payphone. | ||
| This was beeper days. | ||
| And the guy ran up on him while he was returning a beep and just tried to rob him. | ||
| And then he went for his gun. | ||
| And the guy just, boom, right in his head. | ||
| Right on the corner of my block. | ||
| Right on the corner of my block. | ||
| And I went home and my parents were there and I was like, this is crazy, man. | ||
| And that's where I grew up. | ||
| But my vision was not confined to where I was. | ||
| It was, I'm going to be, you know... | ||
| You were very fortunate. | ||
| Once I get out of here, I'm going to do this. | ||
| And once I leave here, I'm going to... | ||
| You're very fortunate to have those kind of examples of your dad who worked like that and your mom. | ||
| Very fortunate. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's hard for some people if they didn't get the break that you got in that regard. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's why I don't... | ||
| It's not missed on me. | ||
| I realize if I didn't get that... | ||
| I didn't catch that last chopper. | ||
| Good for you, man. | ||
| But that's where character comes from, too. | ||
| Having someone like that as an example. | ||
| Like how someone who can work two full-time jobs. | ||
| That's a force of will. | ||
| Most people struggle with one, man. | ||
| One is hard. | ||
| Eight hours a day? | ||
| That's a long time. | ||
| My dad's rule was everybody had to have a job at 14. So 13 was your last summer. | ||
| Enjoy yourself at 13. Have a ball. | ||
| Do whatever you want to do. | ||
| 14, you're getting a job. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| No, he didn't play at all. | ||
| 14, job. | ||
| Yeah, you know, those guys, the thing is, man, that's a bitter pill to swallow when you're young, but damn, the dudes who go through that always seem like they have an extra gear. | ||
| I know a lot of dudes who went through boot camp-type dads, and they did not like it. | ||
| But they can do some shit, like just a little bit more shit than other people can do. | ||
| They might not like the fact that their dad was always telling them what to do, but these motherfuckers can hike 20 miles and not complain. | ||
| My dad wasn't boot camp, but it was like, you're gonna work. | ||
| That's not even a question. | ||
| You're gonna work. | ||
| And then I have so many siblings that what his rule was, we all had to take care of each other. | ||
| So my oldest brother, of course, he turns 14 first. | ||
| He's working. | ||
| He gets paid. | ||
| You have to give everybody $5. | ||
| You got paid today? | ||
| Give all your siblings $5. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Next brother gets a job. | ||
| Now it's two brothers working. | ||
| Give everybody $5. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So we all had to... | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| Socialism. | ||
| Yeah, my dad just made sure it all worked. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's very generous, too. | ||
| That's like everybody... | ||
| That's forcing everybody to be in it together. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| And taking... | ||
| And then it was... | ||
| The rule was... | ||
| It was... | ||
| If your brother's in a fight, you're in a fight. | ||
| So then it became don't fuck with the Rock brothers because there's so many of them you have to fight all of them. | ||
| So that kind of kept us safe during this whole, you know... | ||
| Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| And what a... | ||
| It's a bad situation to be in, but a great place to develop character. | ||
| There's a lot of opportunities to develop character there. | ||
| You know who you are. | ||
| You know that you develop a sense of go and get it. | ||
| Work hard. | ||
| No excuses. | ||
| Nobody's doing it for you. | ||
| Nobody's coming to save you. | ||
| You're responsible for you. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We all need to have a little bit more of that in our life and then also a little bit more community, too. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And we grew up in a time where it was next door neighbor could spank you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Lady across the street could grab you and make you sit down on the stoop until your mother came home. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| The guy in the bodega at the corner would tell you to sit inside until your mother came home. | ||
| Yeah, people would police the neighborhood, police the neighborhood kids. | ||
| Now we live in, don't talk to my kid, don't touch my kid. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Get off my son, don't touch my child. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| Well, it's because somebody... | ||
| Man, this is the weird balance. | ||
| I talked about this recently, but my cousin, I saw my cousin get smacked by some lady once when we were both like... | ||
| My cousin's a year younger than me, so I might have been six and she might have been five, somewhere around there. | ||
| It wasn't any older than that. | ||
| And this lady cuffed her right in the face, man. | ||
| She fell. | ||
| This lady fell on the ice, and my cousin just happened to be there, and she was looking at her on the ground, and she did not laugh at her, but the lady said she laughed at her. | ||
| The lady got up. | ||
| She was just angry that she fell and hurt herself. | ||
| She got up and smacked my cousin right in the face. | ||
| My cousin fell down. | ||
| I remember seeing it and realizing I couldn't do anything about it to save her, to help her. | ||
| I was a little kid, too, and being terrified that this grown-up person just smacked this little kid in the head. | ||
| For something that wasn't even real. | ||
| You don't want that either. | ||
| It's like, don't touch my kid. | ||
| It's probably better in the long run with crazy people smacking your kid. | ||
| That's not helping raise a child. | ||
| That's being a mean-ass adult. | ||
| She was a crazy lady that lived in our building. | ||
| That was always the thing about living in apartment buildings, right? | ||
| There's always somebody who died, right? | ||
| Somebody who always died, and you would be walking by that apartment going, what the fuck is that? | ||
| What is that smell, man? | ||
| You ever smell a dead body when somebody died in the house? | ||
| Dude, it is crazy how bad it smells. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| People smell so bad when they die. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Thank God I never smelled a dead body. | ||
| Dude, the entire floor smelled like a body. | ||
| It was so gross. | ||
| Even after the body was gone? | ||
| It took a while, I'm sure, for them to clean it. | ||
| I hardly remember. | ||
| I just remember there was a terrible, terrible smell in the hallway, and then they realized that this lady had died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| In her apartment. | ||
| So then they go in to get the body, but I don't remember how long it took for them to clean up the smell, but the smell was unbelievably bad. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then somebody moves in and all the neighbors are like, you know, somebody died in there. | ||
| Yeah, they don't tell you shit. | ||
| They tell you that's the dead house. | ||
| Now you won't pass the dead house. | ||
| Don't they have to tell you now, like if someone got murdered in a house? | ||
| I think that's a law. | ||
| That wasn't a law before? | ||
| I don't think it was. | ||
| I think in some places maybe it was a law. | ||
| That's not a law. | ||
| They just sell you a house like, hey. | ||
| Hey, whatever. | ||
| You figure it out. | ||
| What happened in here? | ||
| Nothing but good times. | ||
| Enjoy your house, fucko. | ||
| Nothing but good times in here. | ||
| Why them bullet holes in the wall? | ||
| Hey, you bought it. | ||
| Hey, people get crazy in this neighborhood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They like to celebrate New Year's Eve, Fourth of July. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You should probably know. | ||
| Do you believe in haunted houses? | ||
| Eh, not really. | ||
| No. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I haven't experienced one, so I don't... | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I don't give it much thought, put it that way. | ||
| I don't believe in ghosts, but I don't not believe in ghosts. | ||
| Have you experienced the paranormal? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| But, imagine, you're out in the desert, and all of a sudden you see an apparition walk towards you in the desert. | ||
| This is happening to you? | ||
| Just imagine. | ||
| Just imagine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm in the desert. | ||
| It's nighttime. | ||
| And it looks right at you and it looks like a teacher that you knew from like seventh grade or something. | ||
| This is at night? | ||
| At night. | ||
| And then it vanishes. | ||
| My seventh grade teacher. | ||
| Then it vanishes right in front of you. | ||
| Do you tell people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you tell them? | ||
| My fucking seventh grade teacher just popped up in the middle of the desert. | ||
| Oh, Tony, we got to get you to a doctor. | ||
| Tony Rock's gone crazy. | ||
| No, you know what you would do? | ||
| You tell the people you trust. | ||
| Even if the people you trust, they'd be like, you okay? | ||
| Let me feel your head. | ||
| I've never experienced it. | ||
| I would put you in the category. | ||
| Oh, Tony Rock might be crazy. | ||
| You'd have to go into that category. | ||
| Then I'd have to accumulate more data. | ||
| I'd have to say, well, every time I talk to him, he seems reasonable and intelligent. | ||
| He's a really funny guy. | ||
| I don't think he's crazy. | ||
| I was out there by myself. | ||
| It was nighttime. | ||
| Dude, I was talking to this dude once. | ||
| He pulls out his phone and starts showing me pictures of clouds. | ||
| I go, what is that? | ||
| He goes, here's another one. | ||
| Look at this one here. | ||
| I go, what is it? | ||
| He goes, look at this one here. | ||
| I see them everywhere. | ||
| I go, what do you see? | ||
| And he goes, flying saucers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These are clearly ships from outer space. | |
| And you saw clouds. | ||
| They're in the clouds. | ||
| They're inside the clouds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got pictures. | ||
| His phone was like... | ||
| Remember when Jack Nicholson was in The Shining? | ||
| All work, no play. | ||
| Makes Jack a dull boy. | ||
| Just types it over and over again. | ||
| This dude, his whole phone was just clouds. | ||
| He shows me the pictures on his phone. | ||
| I was like, oh no. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little different. | ||
| Dude, he had hundreds of pictures of clouds. | ||
| And what'd you say? | ||
| I didn't know what to say. | ||
| He's a grown man. | ||
| Older than me. | ||
| What was I going to say? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's what I usually say. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's nothing to say. | ||
| You think those are spaceships? | ||
| I'm looking at clouds and you think they're spaceships. | ||
| Something's wrong here. | ||
| I don't want to be mean. | ||
| He seems like a nice guy. | ||
| Okay is probably the best bet. | ||
| Yeah, what do you say? | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| Hey man, maybe he's right. | ||
| Maybe he has some They Live glasses that I don't have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Remember that movie with Robbie Roddy Piper? | ||
| I've got one that can see! | ||
| And he's looking at those photos and he sees some shit that my puny brain can't see. | ||
| That's possible too. | ||
| What if people can see stuff like that? | ||
| What if people can see some stuff and we should... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Be so clear in our sight. | ||
| I think it's entirely possible that people have senses, that they can detect things and feel things. | ||
| The real question is how many of those people are being honest about it and how often does it really happen? | ||
| Because the problem is there's a tendency. | ||
| This is the tendency. | ||
| People love to pretend they have some psychic power or they have some paranormal gift or they're Different and exceptional in some way without earning it from everybody else. | ||
| People love to do that. | ||
| Like, I just have a sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I have a sense of things. | ||
| Because they like the attention. | ||
| Yeah, I just know. | ||
| I just know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I just have a fucking instinct and I always go in my gut. | ||
| But that doesn't mean you're always right. | ||
| So you've got to wonder, like, how many people really do feel like something's wrong when something's wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And how many people really do, like, know not to go to a place, like something is telling them not to go, like something strong, and how many people are just full of shit? | ||
| And how many people, after the fact, pretend they had a voice that told them not to do it? | ||
| I don't know about the voice, but I know that that's real. | ||
| That instinct to say, hey, don't go there. | ||
| A lot of times, there's been times in my life where I, you know, Just followed the instinct and ended up, you know. | ||
| I remember one time something happened to my brother Brian. | ||
| My brother Brian is my favorite brother in the whole world. | ||
| Everybody knows this. | ||
| Whoa, the other brothers are mad right now. | ||
| No, everybody knows Brian is my favorite. | ||
| Brian got, a guy tried to rob Brian in the neighborhood one day. | ||
| He got in a fight with a guy and the guy cut his face. | ||
| And he went to the hospital. | ||
| And I was at work. | ||
| And my brothers called me. | ||
| The guy tried to rob Brian. | ||
| And I didn't know where the hospital was. | ||
| I jumped on the train. | ||
| I took the train a few stops. | ||
| I jumped off. | ||
| I jumped on another train. | ||
| Took it a few stops. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| I jump on another. | ||
| You know how you transfer in New York on the subway. | ||
| Jump on the third train and take it a few stops and get off and come up to the street. | ||
| And I asked the guy walking, hey, man, you know where Kings County Hospital is? | ||
| And he says, right there. | ||
| And I had no idea. | ||
| I just fucking felt it. | ||
| Like, I gotta get to my brother. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Literally, hey man, where's that? | ||
| He's like, right there. | ||
| And I just felt it. | ||
| Like, I gotta find my brother. | ||
| And that's all I was thinking about. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I believe you. | ||
| I believe that's real. | ||
| I know for a fact that I've been thinking about people and they've called me. | ||
| I say that's real, but I don't know about, you know, that they live glasses. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, I don't think that's real. | ||
| But I know there's something that happens sometimes when you're thinking about someone and they call you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because sometimes it happens when this person is like so far out of your memory. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like you haven't talked to them in a year and a half. | ||
| And you're like, dude, how the fuck did you know? | ||
| I was just thinking of you. | ||
| Like, man, I was just thinking about you. | ||
| Just call them, check and see what's up. | ||
| The wave is so strong. | ||
| Yeah, it connects. | ||
| You put a frequency that's so strong in the air that it... | ||
| I think there's something to that. | ||
| Wait. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Ghostbusters laws? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Many states passed legislation in the 1980s and early 1990s to protect sellers and real estate brokers from buyers claiming they were damaged by the seller's failure to disclose the presence of ghosts. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is These laws became known as Ghostbuster Laws after the 1980s era movie comedy, Connecticut Ghostbusters Law, first appeared in 1990. Wow. | ||
| Psychological impact is a thing. | ||
| Psychological impact became non-material. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Nonmaterial fact concerning real property. | ||
| The overhaul also replaced the reference to HIV with a reference to the Commissioner of Public Health's list of reportable diseases. | ||
| Reportable diseases. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Wow, man. | ||
| This is all... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I guess they have to do that, right? | ||
| They have to do that. | ||
| I mean, you don't want someone to know that, like, there was a house that I saw in Boulder that was for sale, the house where JonBenet Ramsey was killed, and they couldn't sell it. | ||
| I think they even changed the name of the street or something crazy like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And they still couldn't sell it, and it was like a really nice house. | ||
| People were just like, no thanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That house is just poison. | ||
| That's like Bundy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They tore Bundy down. | ||
| OJ's house. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Did they tear it down? | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| Rockingham? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, there could be some fucking psycho could move there. | ||
| You know, want to live where the king lived. | ||
| The apartment, though, the condo is still there. | ||
| Kato still lives there. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| OJ's house is gone, but the murder scene is still... | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| Why would they... | ||
| That is a... | ||
| That is a... | ||
| Why would they tear down OJ's and... | ||
| Oh, well. | ||
| Somebody just made a call. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was one of those stories. | ||
| Ghostbusters lore. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder whether or not... | ||
| Your Honor, we're going to go back to reference Ghostbusters Law number one. | ||
| I think they usually say... | ||
| I would like to call Ray Parker Jr. as a character witness. | ||
| I don't think in court they ever use those names, right? | ||
| They just use like the docket number or... | ||
| Nah, you got to say Ghostbusters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have to say it? | |
| Are you allowed to say it in court? | ||
| You got to come in with the music playing. | ||
| Ghostbusters. | ||
| Yeah, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's something new. | ||
| Have you ever been a place where it felt weird? | ||
| When you found out that someone died there? | ||
| You ever been in a place where you felt the presence? | ||
| No, I've been in places that felt weird because, you know, some violence was going to pop off and I knew it. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And I was like, let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That you can tell. | ||
| You can feel that sometimes. | ||
| Somebody's dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I was at a concert once and a brawl broke out and I quit. | ||
| I was a security guard and I was in a Neil Young concert and it broke out and I put a hoodie on, I zipped it up, I covered my security outfit and I walked right the fuck out of there. | ||
| I was like, get you out of your fucking mind if you think I'm jumping into this fray and getting clocked in the head by somebody. | ||
| People were fighting and they canceled the show and kicked everybody out. | ||
| People are lighting fires. | ||
| I was at the Vibe Awards when Dr. Dre got jumped and Young Buck stabbed a guy. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I was doing a show for UPN. This was back when UPN was still a network. | ||
| And one of the execs from UPN was there with her young son, who wanted to see all the rappers. | ||
| And he's sitting at the table with us. | ||
| And I saw, like, the G-Unit group come in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then I saw the Death Row guys come in. | ||
| Then I saw Dre's group come in. | ||
| And I'm sitting there, and I tell—I forgot the lady's name. | ||
| I said, hey, you might want to get your kid out of here. | ||
| Something's about to go down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And she's like, what do you mean? | ||
| I'm like, it's about to go. | ||
| And she's like, he's so excited. | ||
| He wanted to see Dre and he loves 50 Cent. | ||
| And I'm like, listen, get this kid. | ||
| It was a little white kid too. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, there's, can I go say hi? | ||
| And I'm like, you might want to get him out of here. | ||
| And the second time I said it, like, yo, you might want to really get him out of here. | ||
| It's going to pop off. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Dre gets punched in the face. | ||
| Melee, Young Buck stabs a guy. | ||
| And I'm like, told you. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And like two days later on set, she's just like, how did you know that? | ||
| I'm like, I know the energy in the room. | ||
| I can feel it. | ||
| I've been around it too many times. | ||
| That's a crazy feeling too when people are about to do something ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, you see the walk, you see the look. | ||
| It's sad, but it's true. | ||
| When you grow up in the hood, you have that instinct. | ||
| You have that look. | ||
| You look at a guy walk past you one time and you look around the room and, okay, it's about to go. | ||
| It's about to go. | ||
| Yeah, people that have never experienced that probably wouldn't know what to do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They would think nothing of it, like that lady. | ||
| Like, she'd never seen those signs before. | ||
| Yeah, I've been on the road. | ||
| This was recently, like maybe three months, four months ago. | ||
| I had my feature comic with me. | ||
| He's from Chicago, actually. | ||
| And we're in a club after the show, and there's a couple of guys talking in the corner. | ||
| And I said something to a girl. | ||
| She's like, hey, Tony Rock, have a little small talk. | ||
| And she walks over to the group of guys. | ||
| And one guy walks over and stands at the end of the bar here, and one guy stands at the end of the bar here, and I turn to my friend Dave, and I go, yo, you ever been in a fight in a bar before? | ||
| And he said, no. | ||
| I said, get ready, motherfucker. | ||
| You're about to be in one. | ||
| Because I saw it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And then the third guy comes over. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| The third guy comes over, and he's like, oh, shit, you are the comedian. | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| He said, I thought that was you. | ||
| We was over there talking. | ||
| I was like, I thought that was the comedian guy. | ||
| And he's like, I got to get a picture, man. | ||
| I took a picture with him, and he calls the other guy. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, it was the comedian. | ||
| It was him. | ||
| It was like he kind of just squashed it because I guess they didn't know who I was. | ||
| And it was going to go because I said something to the girl. | ||
| And then he's like, no, it's the comedian. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, fellas, what's up? | ||
| Now I turn into the comedian like, what's up, guys? | ||
| How y'all doing? | ||
| Y'all all right? | ||
| What do you guys need to drink? | ||
| Let's do a round of shots. | ||
| And Dave's like, dude, how did you know that? | ||
| I'm like, I know, motherfuckers. | ||
| It was going to go. | ||
| It was going to go. | ||
| Yeah, if you ain't never been around violent people, you probably don't smell that vibe, right? | ||
| You smell that vibe. | ||
| That's a valuable tool to have if you're in those places. | ||
| Especially if you're on the road in cities, you know, by yourself. | ||
| On the road, you know, maybe you have a local friend who's like, dude, let me take you to my friend's club. | ||
| He wants to meet you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you're in some place, you're like, how do I get out of here? | ||
| Where are we exactly? | ||
| Or I've been in, hey, my boy's having a party at his house. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, what the fuck am I doing at his house? | ||
| You're up in the hill somewhere. | ||
| You gotta drop the car off and get in a bus. | ||
| I have no point of reference. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know where I'm at, man. | ||
| The craziest ones are the ones that have to take you in a shuttle. | ||
| You have to park your car here, sir. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| You go into a shuttle to a party? | ||
| The worst, I was in Iowa one time. | ||
| This is a true story. | ||
| I was in Iowa. | ||
| I was in Des Moines, Iowa. | ||
| Did the show. | ||
| There's not very many black people in Iowa. | ||
| So it shows up a group of white guys. | ||
| Like, hey, bro, you super funny, man. | ||
| Let's go get a drink. | ||
| Let's go to the bar right down the street. | ||
| I'm a New Yorker. | ||
| Right down the street is literally right down the street. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They get in a truck. | ||
| He pulls a truck around. | ||
| He pulls a pickup truck. | ||
| One of those four-door pickup trucks. | ||
| Big ones. | ||
| And there's two guys in the front. | ||
| And they're like, hey, jump in, man. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, fuck it. | ||
| We're going right down the street. | ||
| And now we're driving for maybe 10 minutes. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| And I'm trying to get a point of reference if I got to jump out the truck. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's Iowa. | ||
| It's nothing... | ||
| As far as you can see, right or left of the truck. | ||
| Just highway and grass. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there's nothing like if I jump out which way, I don't know. | ||
| This is how girls have to feel every time they get in a guy's car. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| That feeling. | ||
| So we pull up at a barn. | ||
| A barn. | ||
| And the two guys are excited. | ||
| They jump out and they run around the other side of the bar like, hey, bro, come around this way. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And they turn and I can't see them now. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I say to myself, like, holy shit, this is how it's going to end. | ||
| This is it right here. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And I turn the corner and I see the neon light that says girls, girls, girls. | ||
| I had never been so excited to see the ugliest strippers in the world. | ||
| It was like, yes. | ||
| Yes, I want a lap dance from this wildebeest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I'm not dead. | ||
| I want all the lap dances because I thought I was going to die five seconds ago. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You thought they were taking you to a barn somewhere. | ||
| You go back behind there, there's chains hanging from the rafters. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That shit's happened before. | ||
| That's the crazy thing about people. | ||
| Like, the worst thing. | ||
| You know, I'm watching this show Vikings. | ||
| You ever watch it, Jamie? | ||
| You got to binge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a good goddamn show. | ||
| I think I'm on season three or four. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, I never saw it. | |
| It's a good fucking show. | ||
| But it just shows you how brutal people were back then. | ||
| Like, every day, someone's getting fucked up on that show. | ||
| That show's a guarantee people are gonna die. | ||
| Every episode. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta check it out. | |
| People are getting drowned. | ||
| People are holding them underwater. | ||
| Little kids are killing people with axes. | ||
| Like, it's crazy. | ||
| That show is fucking crazy. | ||
| Every day, people are getting jacked and murdered and killed. | ||
| You sound like you like it. | ||
| It's a fucking good show. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| But the point is, these people were... | ||
| This was life for these fucking people. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That was a real-world situation. | ||
| Your reality is what your reality is. | ||
| People that don't understand your reality, well, you're not from this world. | ||
| This is a real thing to us, to know how a fight's going to pop off, to know when a guy's strapped, to know when this is our reality. | ||
| What's crazy is that we like to think that that doesn't exist anymore, that that Viking style of living doesn't exist. | ||
| But it does. | ||
| They just use guns now. | ||
| It's just happening like that with guns. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's basically that same kind of like conqueror, survivor mentality. | ||
| Bullets and fuck you and fuck him. | ||
| The guys that run in the jewelry store and smash the glasses. | ||
| That's pillaging and pondering, right? | ||
| It's the same kind of... | ||
| It's like as old as time. | ||
| It's just confined to certain areas now and it's not spreading out like the Vikings did in giant boats and getting on the sea. | ||
| And they're not doing it like the Vikings did it Some aspect of it was just you know Trying to discover new lands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know. | ||
| Yeah, they were trying to farm and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's meat over here or there's gold here. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Now they just do it because it's like, I have to eat. | ||
| I want those sneakers. | ||
| Man, I wish I could see what it was really like back then. | ||
| Because it's like, you watch the show and the show's really cool, but you know they're actors and they're doing a great job and everything, but you still know they're actors. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're watching them do things and everything's really well done. | ||
| I mean, it's a really well done show, but still you're like, man, I wish I could see it in real life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To just be where it was happening in real life. | ||
| Can you imagine just being alive back then when the best clothes were made out of fucking animal hides? | ||
| You just draped in buffalo skins and shit. | ||
| Or you killed the buffalo, you ate the village, ate the buffalo, and then you used every piece of it. | ||
| They lived in these bays. | ||
| It was clothes, it was food. | ||
| They would take their boats out and catch fish and bring them in and people would be waiting on the docks to see if they were going to eat tonight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's only like 200 people in the town. | ||
| So if a plague hit, half the people would be dead. | ||
| A woman would have a baby right in front of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wrap it in a blanket and that was it. | ||
| Dude, that's how people lived forever. | ||
| People lived like that for thousands of years. | ||
| And they lived. | ||
| And they lived. | ||
| They actually lived. | ||
| They thrived. | ||
| Right, but wouldn't you take this over that? | ||
| I would take this, yes. | ||
| They would, too. | ||
| They'd be like, you fucking asshole. | ||
| You want to be a Viking? | ||
| I want to drive a Cadillac. | ||
| I would take the bottled water, yes. | ||
| They'd be like, no, no, no, fuck riding a horse, dude. | ||
| I drove an Escalade today. | ||
| That shit is so smooth. | ||
| It's comfortable. | ||
| The AC is hot outside, but it's cool in here. | ||
| I play this music. | ||
| I'm wirelessly charging my phone right there on the fucking... | ||
| It's like, they would be like, you're an asshole if you want to live like us. | ||
| Are you campers? | ||
| And then some guy who doesn't have any of that fucking opens your door with a gun and now he's the Viking. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I need this. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And if you don't take care of that problem, this is the thing. | ||
| It never gets better. | ||
| It's like a part of... | ||
| It's like if you were a person and you had a thing that was wrong with you, like a big cancerous legion on your leg and you just ignored it, fuck it, whatever. | ||
| Just keep on trucking. | ||
| It's going to keep going, right. | ||
| Yeah, that is exactly what any sort of crime-infested area is. | ||
| It's a problem that if you don't address, it's not going to get any better. | ||
| And it probably is going to get worse. | ||
| People don't address the problems in society until it affects them. | ||
| What do you think they could do, though? | ||
| Besides just education, how do you stop as much crime? | ||
| How do you give people counseling? | ||
| You can get the guns out of Chicago. | ||
| You can get the guns out of any way if you want to. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| How would they get the guns out? | ||
| They would get most of the guns out, right? | ||
| You can get most of the guns out. | ||
| You can do that. | ||
| But do you run the risk of taking guns away from people that could defend themselves in a really dangerous area that's filled with guns? | ||
| By taking... | ||
| By taking the guns out. | ||
| Like, what about people that are also... | ||
| Like, who are you going to take the guns away from? | ||
| Are you going to take the guns away from the lady who runs the bakery, who carries a lot of cash at the end of the day? | ||
| No, the lady that runs the bakery keeps her gun. | ||
| The lady that runs the bakery that has a business... | ||
| That provides goods and services for the neighborhood. | ||
| That wants protection. | ||
| That wants protection, keeps her gun. | ||
| Did you see that recent video? | ||
| There's a crazy video of these two gals behind a stove, and one leaves cooking. | ||
| Oh yeah, saw it yesterday, and the guy punched her in the face. | ||
| The guy comes back and wails her in the head, and then the other girl pulls a gun at him. | ||
| She keeps her gun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She keeps her gun because shit like that might happen. | ||
| But that guy, now imagine if he had a gun. | ||
| That's a good thing for people to see. | ||
| This is why, and I'm not saying everybody should have guns. | ||
| It's a good thing for people to see because you only hear the other side. | ||
| You only hear guns being dangerous and killing people. | ||
| You don't hear people like that lady that just saved herself from getting the fuck beat out of her with a gun. | ||
| I saw that video, and then I saw the other video was a guy in a jewelry store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He comes in, two or three guys, hoodies on, mask on. | ||
| You see the guys coming through the door, pulling their mask down. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| It's like on the camera. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you see a guy walk away from the jewelry display. | ||
| He walks, the camera's shooting this way, so he walks out of range of the camera. | ||
| And when the guys come in, he comes back blasting. | ||
| Boom. | ||
|
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|
Boom. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| That guy keeps his gun. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| He just started shooting? | ||
| No, they came in, guns out. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| So what happened? | ||
| It was customers in there, too. | ||
| No, he hit one. | ||
| There was customers in there? | ||
| Yeah, and the other two ran out, and you see the guy run out of camera range. | ||
| Can you imagine being in a fucking jewelry store trying to buy a watch for your wife and a gunfight breaks out? | ||
| Engagement ring. | ||
| You're just like, I'm so in love. | ||
| Me and my girl are going to get... | ||
| And the guy just comes in. | ||
| And you think this could be it. | ||
| This is how I'm going to go. | ||
| My kids are never going to see me again. | ||
| Or you think, you know what? | ||
| This is a sign we shouldn't get married. | ||
| I was so in love, but that shit was scary. | ||
| Listen, I just have too much PTSD to get married right now. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, but you run a business, you keep your gun. | ||
| You keep your gun, yeah. | ||
| You're just a guy on the corner, 20 guys on the corner, cops stop them, frisk, okay, taking these guns. | ||
| It's going to be hard to get them all, man. | ||
| And the problem is defining who gets to keep one and who doesn't get to keep one. | ||
| It's very sketchy. | ||
| Well, let's have that argument later. | ||
| Let's get the guns first. | ||
| Because 1,400 people just got shot. | ||
| Hold on, but the problem with that is you're never going to get them back. | ||
| Once you take them away, whoever got the guns taken away, they're never getting their guns back. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| You've got to take the guns, and then there has to be more to just that. | ||
| You've got to take the guns, and there has to be an increased police presence. | ||
| You have to take the guns, and they have to be... | ||
| Something to do when school lets out. | ||
| You have to take the guns and they have to be, you know, counseling for drug offenders. | ||
| And you take the guns and there has to be jobs in the neighborhood. | ||
| You know, it's a lot of steps that have to go. | ||
| But it can be done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could definitely get the illegal guns, right? | ||
| If you could somehow or another get access to them. | ||
| The illegal guns. | ||
| The legal ones are going to be real tough. | ||
| Because if someone has a gun legally and they haven't committed a crime, it's going to be real hard to take that gun away from them. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't think if they did the numbers, the guys with legal guns, aren't the guys that are... | ||
| Committing all these crimes, right. | ||
| The guy with a legal gun, I'm pretty sure, isn't the guy that drove past this party and shot up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you've got to worry about the people with legal guns getting robbed for their guns. | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| You know, if guns become a shortage. | ||
| The whole thing is very... | ||
| It's a real problem, and it's very... | ||
| It's very complicated, I think, to try to completely solve it. | ||
| And how do you get these people that are in that life that are every day involved in gang violence and... | ||
| I don't think everybody... | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| I don't think everybody that's in gang life wants to be there. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| No, I think you're definitely right. | ||
| I think they're just like, what the fuck else is there to do in this neighborhood? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I think if they had an opportunity to, you know... | ||
| I think the guy, the kid that is a very good basketball player that... | ||
| His uncle, like I said, his family lineage is gang life. | ||
| If he had a chance to go play basketball somewhere, he would take that chance. | ||
| I think you're totally right, and I think in the absence of any other chances, that's when it becomes something that's an option. | ||
| And I think it's all about the same feeling that people get when they're joining gangs or when they're like a staunch right winger or a staunch left winger. | ||
| I think it's all the same thing. | ||
| It's like people have a desire to belong to something. | ||
| Make something that makes your life have more meaning or feel like it has more meaning. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And then when you don't have that, you'll get behind anything. | ||
| You'll get behind anything. | ||
| Like I say on Instagram all the time, it's like I told my little brother just yesterday. | ||
| It's the reason why they call them followers, because they just want to get behind shit they don't even understand. | ||
| My Instagram is hilarious because I get a lot of people, I'll get girls that are like, hey, I love what you're doing, I saw your shows. | ||
| Then I get the random guy that's like, you're not shit, you're just Chris's brother, you ain't shit. | ||
| And it's like, dude, you think that's going to hurt me? | ||
| You just wanted to be involved in this. | ||
| You just wanted to be a part of it. | ||
| You wanted my attention, you didn't know how to get it. | ||
| Well, the problem is the desire to do that in the first place. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Like, why would you want to do that? | ||
| Why would you want to make somebody feel bad for no reason? | ||
| Right. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Because you just want to be involved in some capacity. | ||
| Yeah, here's a tip to anybody that thinks like that. | ||
| There's no way you're not a loser. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| There's not a single winner alive that would write something like that. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Do you think, like, maybe, like, Michael Jordan goes trolling through? | ||
| Instagram accounts looking for shit. | ||
| Yeah, you can do shit without your brother. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You had to sign with the Lakers to be... | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's losers and it's winners, man. | ||
| Losers always have a fucking excuse for why they're not winners. | ||
| It's weird, you know? | ||
| And I think it's a lot of it is people not having good examples around them when they're growing up. | ||
| Getting fucked over, being in a bad situation. | ||
| It's like we're just developing shitty people or at least people that have shitty ideas. | ||
| In these cycles where it just does never get better in certain spots. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I think we're making more shitty people now. | ||
| There's more shitty people than before. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But I feel like we could put a curb on that. | ||
| I feel like we could slow it down. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| How do we curb? | ||
| People have to change the way they think about shit. | ||
| Time is too short to be shitty. | ||
| You know, and everybody's been shitty. | ||
| I've been shitty before. | ||
| I'm sure you've been. | ||
| Jamie's shitty the other day. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| We all have been. | ||
| You know, it's just people have to figure out a way to do that less and resist the urge to do it. | ||
| That urge to do it is a bad urge. | ||
| It doesn't help anybody. | ||
| You just feel good because you made somebody feel bad? | ||
| Like, for what? | ||
| You don't even know Tony Rock. | ||
| Why are you talking shit to him? | ||
| Like, what is that, dude? | ||
| Fuck you, bro. | ||
| His fucking brother was the reason why I know about him in the first place. | ||
| So he's fucking lucky I know who he is. | ||
| But that's like a fake sense of feeling better about yourself. | ||
| Because it doesn't really make you feel better about yourself. | ||
| It doesn't at all. | ||
| And it clearly doesn't affect me. | ||
| It doesn't hurt me one bit. | ||
| It also defines you to yourself because you know you're not a winner. | ||
| Because it's impossible. | ||
| You think Elon Musk goes and trolls on Twitter and says mean shit to people and talks about girls' asses. | ||
| He doesn't have the time for that, right? | ||
| He's a winner. | ||
| He's busy rescuing the... | ||
| Oh, they got those kids out of the cave in Thailand. | ||
| Yeah, everybody's out. | ||
| Everybody's out. | ||
| That's one of those baby in a well type things. | ||
| Every few years, like a little kid falls into a well. | ||
| Why does that happen once a year? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| We need to fix wells. | ||
| That shit should not be an option. | ||
| Happens once a year. | ||
| Little kids fall down a well. | ||
| That and the guy blowing his pinky finger off on July 4th. | ||
| Happens every year. | ||
| You would think people would learn. | ||
| Oh, that's probably happening all year round in Texas, right? | ||
|
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|
In Texas. | |
| Places where you can go to Mexico real quick, sneak over there and buy firecrackers. | ||
| I know every 4th of July in Brooklyn is like... | ||
| Mike lost his finger. | ||
| I bet if they had a video across America, you know how they have those time-lapse videos and you could see every kid ever documented that lost a finger in a firecracker accident? | ||
| It would look like hands are at war with firecrackers. | ||
| If you could just look across the country and see from California to New Jersey and just see every kid losing a finger. | ||
| Oh my god, that one pocket would just be... | ||
| Man, every year. | ||
| Every year. | ||
|
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|
What? | |
| Did you see the NFL player? | ||
| He posted a picture of his hand. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| P.F. Paul. | ||
| Jason P.F. Paul. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Show it to me. | ||
| Show it to me. | ||
| It's like, oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, it's back. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Shit. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| That was July 4th last year? | ||
| Two years ago? | ||
| Two years ago. | ||
| He blew up his hand. | ||
| He's a basketball player? | ||
| M80. Football player. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| M80 in his hand. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So he lost fingers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And millions of dollars. | ||
| So that was it? | ||
| No, he played again, so he came back and played with a cast on his hand. | ||
| He's still playing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got traded. | |
| He got traded to Tampa Bay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| He can play football? | ||
| He's just a defense. | ||
| He's just tackling. | ||
| He has like a mitten. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He's defense. | ||
| Dude, what in the fuck, though? | ||
| He blew his thumb off, man. | ||
| And his pointer? | ||
| Index finger. | ||
| He blew three fingers off! | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| That's the middle finger! | ||
| That's his middle finger! | ||
| That was his middle finger, and one of those ones on the other side. | ||
| That's Ring and Pinky. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That is terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, he shared that on the 4th to like... | ||
| Yeah, he posted a video and was like, be careful on the 4th, and had his hand... | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Yeah, good for him. | ||
| Yeah, fuck those things, man. | ||
| They're too easy to get in some spots. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like if you're on a border city, just sneak over to Juarez. | ||
| We wouldn't even see them in Brooklyn until around the 4th, and they disappeared after that. | ||
| I took a drive to Tijuana once. | ||
| We were working in San Diego at La Jolla, La Jolla Comedy Store. | ||
| We took a drive. | ||
| Right down to Tijuana. | ||
| There's a weird feeling you get. | ||
| I've never been to Tijuana. | ||
| This was Tijuana in the 90s, man. | ||
| This is like when it was still Tijuana. | ||
| You might not come back. | ||
| Now people go there for cheap dental work. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They do. | ||
| People sneak across the border to go to a dentist. | ||
| Why would you go to Tijuana to go to a dentist? | ||
| Because they're good dentists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| But it's just super cheap. | ||
| Holy shit, no. | ||
| Cost of living over there is cheap. | ||
| My dentist is in Beverly Hills. | ||
| You want that dude to play Prime Real Estate. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You need to get paid. | ||
| Yeah, you want a dentist that's really hustling, not a dentist that's easier if you just go to Juarez. | ||
| And don't women go down and they get butt injections also now? | ||
| Ooh, do they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| They get fake titties and butt injections. | ||
| Whoa, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| In hotel rooms. | ||
| Go to hotel. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's the map. | ||
| Here's the border, and there's all the dentists right on the main street. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Right on the main street. | ||
| Right off the border. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Who's the first guy right there? | ||
| Central. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| Tijuana Clinic for Cosmetic Dentistry. | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| Want to get some pearly whites, son? | ||
| I'm tired of these marijuana and coffee stain choppers. | ||
| I'm going down there. | ||
| I'm going to come back pretty. | ||
| I'm not going to say shit, Jamie. | ||
| I'm just going to disappear. | ||
| I've never been to Tijuana, man. | ||
| I'm going to tell you I'm going on a hunting trip, and then I'll strike out, and then I'll come back with some shiny choppers. | ||
| That's what the women are doing. | ||
| We go into Miami for the weekend. | ||
| They come back from Tijuana with fake tits. | ||
| One's higher than the other one. | ||
| Fake tits are a weird one, man. | ||
| Because we'd never accept anything like that on a dude. | ||
| But on a girl, we're like, take it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| Like, if a guy had, like, fake traps. | ||
| I just like that look. | ||
| I like that look. | ||
| If guys just put fake traps in because they found out that girls like traps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If there was one thing like that. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There was nothing that a guy could... | ||
| What? | ||
| Nothing's even close. | ||
| Nothing's even close. | ||
| So we're like, I'll take it. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| We're so much easier than them. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why. | |
| That's why. | ||
| We're so much easier to excite. | ||
| Guys don't care if I have a fake ass. | ||
| Guys are like, you're right. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| Guys with a fake ass. | ||
| Imagine if a girl was like, your butt is so big. | ||
| You must be able to jump so high. | ||
| And the guy's like, no, I had my butt done last year. | ||
| Girl will be like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you really just say that? | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| Guys don't care. | ||
| And then he said, ready? | ||
| He said, I got my butt done. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| I got my butt done. | ||
| That would be his nickname. | ||
| They'd have a nickname about him. | ||
| They'd call him butt done. | ||
| Guys don't care. | ||
| My cousin used to have a joke. | ||
| He'd say, I don't give a fuck what's in your titties. | ||
| Just fuck me. | ||
| Whoa, that guy's aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if women can hear the ridiculous shit that men say all the time, the shit that makes us laugh. | ||
| The gross thing is people trying to pretend that we mean everything we say, too. | ||
| Especially with comedy. | ||
| With men in comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But right now, men in comedy. | ||
| Men in comedy. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, some of this stuff we're just joking, you know? | ||
| Like, stop being so serious. | ||
| Most of it. | ||
| We're just joking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you find that this is a more sensitive time for comedy? | ||
| That's what I'm being told and that's what I see in the news, but I refuse to, you know, change anything I do. | ||
| Kind of can't, right? | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| I'm not saying jokes and then having to issue a statement later. | ||
| It's like I was saying a joke, man. | ||
| If you didn't take it the way I interpreted it, if you interpreted it the wrong way, that's still on you. | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just supposed to be funny, stupid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was funny to somebody, you know? | ||
| It's weird that it's okay to do in a movie. | ||
| Like, you could have some ridiculous scenes in a movie, but when you have a ridiculous thing that you're saying, like, people take it as a fact. | ||
| Oh, he's not even acting. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| There's no acting. | ||
| It's like, you said it. | ||
| Yeah, you said it. | ||
| Joe Rogan believes this. | ||
| Yeah, this is your perspective. | ||
| Tony Rock thinks that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's interesting. | ||
| I think this is a very unique time in communication for people. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why stand-up is a little bit more challenging right now. | ||
| But I think that's all a good thing, man. | ||
| Challenging is good. | ||
| Yeah, it's all good, man. | ||
| It'll make for a better product. | ||
| Yeah, it's all good. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| It's all interesting. | ||
| Where have you been working mostly these days? | ||
| The first quarter I was on tour with Mike Epps. | ||
| We went out from January to like March, April, and then I'd do my own thing. | ||
| You went on a tour tour. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The real deal, like every week. | ||
| Mike brings them out, man, like 10,000, 12,000. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's fucking incredible, man. | ||
| When you're doing a tour like that, man, and you're doing how many nights a week? | ||
| We do Friday and Saturday. | ||
| If it's a three-day weekend, we do a Sunday. | ||
| Oh, so every week, Friday, Saturday, Friday, Saturday. | ||
| And then are you working in the city at all? | ||
| Are you working in here? | ||
| I'm always working in the city. | ||
| I'm always working when I'm here. | ||
| Yeah, that gets you sharp as fuck, man. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And then I do that, and then from there, I do 20, maybe 25 minutes with Mike. | ||
| Then when that leg is done, I do from April, May to October, September, October, Funny Bones improv, just comedy clubs, more intimate settings with the guys I bring out. | ||
| And we do that until LA needs me, I'll be on the road. | ||
| And now they just added more dates for Mike for the fourth quarter. | ||
| So we're doing West Coast now. | ||
| We're doing Portland and San Fran and Oakland and San Diego and California and Phoenix. | ||
| It's going to be incredible, man. | ||
| You're one of those guys where I'm like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Like, how come people haven't caught on to the fact that Tony Rock's one of the funniest guys alive? | ||
| Yeah, I've had a lady at the show the other night. | ||
| She said, I think the whole world is sleeping on you. | ||
| And I said, that's the fucking best compliment I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| Well, the thing is, man, you've been under the radar, but getting better. | ||
| Like, I remember I came up to you. | ||
| That's all that matters. | ||
| It's like, as long as I'm getting better, I'll pop up on your radar at some point. | ||
| I don't remember how long ago this conversation was. | ||
| How long have you been doing comedy now? | ||
| 98. 98. So I think we had this conversation more around the year 2000-ish. | ||
| It was fairly recent. | ||
| And you started doing stand-up. | ||
| We were talking at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| And I remember coming up to you and going, Dude, you got good. | ||
| You got good. | ||
| You really made a big jump. | ||
| Every day, man. | ||
| And you were saying, I'm working, man. | ||
| I'm out here working. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| And I remember watching that set and thinking... | ||
| I don't remember what year this was, but I want to say it was like 2002 or 2003 or something like that. | ||
| Watched the set, I was like, oh dude, this guy's about to pop. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll be under the radar until I'm not. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Every time I see you, you're getting better. | ||
| That radar's a good thing. | ||
| And then people say, oh, he blew up, but not knowing that, like you said, it was 2000 we had this conversation. | ||
| It's a fucking grind, baby. | ||
| It's a grind. | ||
| You gotta be in it. | ||
| It's a lot of guys. | ||
| A lot of guys I work with at the Laugh Factory, you know, I see them all the time. | ||
| Ruben Paul. | ||
| You know Ruben Paul. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I see Ruben Paul. | ||
| He's working. | ||
| I see, you know, I see... | ||
| Who do I... Everybody. | ||
| I'm thinking of names. | ||
| I'm lost in names. | ||
| Ruben, I see all the time. | ||
| He does the room there now. | ||
| He has a Tuesday night show that he does. | ||
| It's like, we in the trenches, man. | ||
| We working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how to do it. | ||
| It's the only way, too. | ||
| It's the only way in this crazy business. | ||
| It's a weird business, man. | ||
| And it's just, you know, if you stay in that work mode, there's so much stuff going on in the world. | ||
| There's material out there. | ||
| Just grab it. | ||
| It's out there. | ||
| Yeah, there's always something fucked up going on, especially today. | ||
| And in your life, there's stuff going on. | ||
| You're like, okay, gotta put that down. | ||
| I mean, this is one of the strangest times, I think, ever to be a comedian. | ||
| Because you're like, whew, where do I begin? | ||
| That's a great intro. | ||
| Just walk on stage like... | ||
| Fuck, where do I start, man? | ||
| Everything's a mess. | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| Where do I begin? | ||
| Yeah, the whole thing's a mess, man. | ||
| We're buddying up with dictators and who knows what's happening. | ||
| We got a reality TV star for a president and he's actually, the economy's doing well so no one knows what to say. | ||
| The whole thing is chaos. | ||
| The first lady was in Playboy. | ||
| The first lady was in Playboy. | ||
| She is the very first hot as fuck first lady. | ||
| Right? | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Well, we haven't seen all the First Ladies, so... | ||
| That's true. | ||
| She's the very first hot as fuck first lady we've ever seen. | ||
| Jackie O was stylish, right? | ||
| You shut your mouth. | ||
| Jackie O was stylish, wasn't she? | ||
| You shut your mouth, Tony Rock. | ||
| Wasn't she a fashion icon? | ||
| She was okay. | ||
| She was a fashion icon, right? | ||
| She was okay. | ||
| If Melania walked in the room, we stopped talking to Jackie. | ||
| No disrespect. | ||
| No disrespect. | ||
| She was a beautiful lady. | ||
| She certainly was. | ||
| She was, I'm sure, a wonderful woman. | ||
| But Melania's, like, stunning. | ||
| She's, like, supermodel stunning. | ||
| Yeah, especially when she was younger. | ||
| I don't think she's stunning. | ||
| Dude, you ever see pictures of her? | ||
| Young Melania? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, when he first married her, she's a beautiful woman, like undeniably. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, you don't have to agree with me. | ||
| I see some attraction there, but I don't know if she's like, holy shit. | ||
| I think if you were around her in a party, and you both had a couple of cocktails. | ||
| Oh, it might go down. | ||
| And she touched your thigh, looked at you, you'd be like, oh shit, I just got lightheaded. | ||
| I think you like Melania. | ||
| Are we pulling a picture up? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Jamie's jerking off over there. | ||
| Where's the picture of her in Playboy? | ||
| That's how hot she is. | ||
| I was trying to go, how young? | ||
| Do you have the Playboy picture? | ||
| No, just show a photo of Melania. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Why can't we see the playboy picture? | ||
| Yeah, here we go. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Oh, that's not bad. | ||
| She's hot as fuck. | ||
| That one on the left is not bad. | ||
| Yeah, that's her when she was younger, but not much younger. | ||
| I mean, I think it's just how she's wearing, what she's wearing. | ||
| She's dressed more conservative now. | ||
| Like, if you look at her in the far right pick, you know, she's more conservative. | ||
| Yeah, that's not bad. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| Dude, there's not even a close second. | ||
| She knocked it out of the park. | ||
| That's a legitimate, professional, hot chick who's the first lady. | ||
| First ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's alright. | |
| Save your bickering, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's alright. | |
| Stop this. | ||
| Michelle Obama was gorgeous. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But a different way. | ||
| A different way. | ||
| What's this? | ||
| This is her. | ||
| This is her when she was young. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Michelle was definitely a different gorgeous. | ||
| This is a different thing, son. | ||
| Look at that body sitting on the couch. | ||
| Get the fuck out of Dodge, kid! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
| Alright, you got it. | ||
| You got that. | ||
| It's like the beginning of that door song. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| That was nice. | ||
| That's woof. | ||
| That's top of the food chain right there. | ||
| Apparently she isn't into looks as much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe she just likes the way he treats her. | |
| There you go. | ||
| It's a strange, strange time, Tony Rock. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Strange time to be a human being. | ||
| As a comic, you gotta love it, like you said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you like living around here? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I like LA. I don't love it. | ||
| It's not like, oh my god. | ||
| I'm such a New Yorker. | ||
| I'm used to that. | ||
| How long have you been living out here now? | ||
| Ten years? | ||
| Ten years. | ||
| But the first three, I would go home every... | ||
| I was here filming a TV show, so every hiatus week I would go home. | ||
| And when the show wrapped, I would go on tour, so I wasn't here the whole time. | ||
| The people who like New York, especially New York comics, they say that New York comics, it's more harsh. | ||
| Like, it's more fun. | ||
| Like, people insult each other more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's like, there's a camaraderie to that. | ||
| Way, way more camaraderie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I come to LA, it's like, oh, I didn't know we were enemies. | ||
| I didn't know we were all against each other. | ||
| Oh, do you feel that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| More so with black comics. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| More so with black comics. | ||
| Of course, like, you know. | ||
| That's unfortunate. | ||
| I got, unfortunately, I have the brother that everybody's like, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, he's the best. | ||
| I know it's his brother. | ||
| Fuck that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy's regarded as the best and that's his brother? | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| He's gonna get passed along. | ||
| He doesn't have to work hard. | ||
| He's gonna have everything handed to him. | ||
| That didn't happen with the Wayans brothers. | ||
| Like Keenan and Marlon? | ||
| Or Damon rather? | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like they did stuff together. | ||
| Keenan Ivory Wayans and Damon Wayans. | ||
| Like when they were both, they were both famous at the exact same time. | ||
| People forget how funny Damon was. | ||
| Damon's a monster. | ||
| Still. | ||
| Monster. | ||
| When I used to see him in the 90s, he had his last stand-up, I think he called it. | ||
| He threw the microphone down. | ||
| Oh, the last stand when he broke the microphone down. | ||
| He was like, I'm done. | ||
| I'm never doing this again. | ||
| That shit is one of my all-time favorite specials. | ||
| Mike Tyson grabbed his mic. | ||
| Mike Tyson grabbed his mic. | ||
| I'll bite you. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Tommy Hearn's piece. | ||
| Dude, he was so funny. | ||
| My brother said... | ||
| Damon taught him a lot about how to do stand-up. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damon was the man. | ||
| He's still the man. | ||
| He was a guy who would come in, do late-night spots at the comedy store. | ||
| He would just show up, and they'd put him up whenever he got there, and he would just completely explore ideas. | ||
| He had no worry about... | ||
| Right. | ||
| He wasn't concerned about getting the laugh. | ||
| He was working it out on stage 100%. | ||
| I love seeing it. | ||
| I love seeing it. | ||
| But he was a famous guy at the time. | ||
| This is... | ||
| After In Living Color. | ||
| I see Dave do it all the time. | ||
| Whenever I see Dave on stage, Dave is like, I don't fuck this room. | ||
| I'm trying to figure this shit out for the show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you also want to entertain the room because they are the show, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So Dave is, I think, the best at dancing through that line. | ||
| He knows how to create new material better than I think anybody I've ever seen. | ||
| Have you seen Mark Curry? | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| Mark Curry will go on stage and say, give me a topic and make it a 10-minute bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that shit is impressive. | ||
| He is such a nice guy. | ||
| I think he is so likable. | ||
| Mark Curry is one of the nicest fucking guys. | ||
| When he would come to the comedy store, everybody would light up. | ||
| He's just so nice. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Funny, just real relaxed. | ||
| I like him a lot, man. | ||
| Yeah, I saw him do a lot of sets back then, too. | ||
| Back when he was doing Hanging with Mr. Cooper, he'd drop in and do that. | ||
| I haven't seen him in a long time. | ||
| I think he's on tour with a cat right now. | ||
| He's got a sleeper Bronco. | ||
| I think he still has it. | ||
| He had this like 1980s black Bronco, but he had it all done up. | ||
| Like O.J. Bronco? | ||
| It was like an O.J. Bronco. | ||
| But he had like a... | ||
| Engine upgrade in it, suspension upgrade, tires, wheels, the whole deal. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| It was like an urban assault vehicle. | ||
| Like a powerful Bronco. | ||
| It just looked like an older Bronco that somebody just has on the road. | ||
| But meanwhile, this thing is like tuned up. | ||
| Nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The classics, man. | ||
| Yeah, and he would drive around that thing. | ||
| He had a gang of cars. | ||
| I do love cars. | ||
| Really nice funny guy. | ||
| I gotta get some old schools. | ||
| I want a Trans Am. | ||
| That's what I want. | ||
| I want the Smokey and the Bandit Trans Am. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I want. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It died. | ||
| It got hit by a tree. | ||
| Fuck, that's right. | ||
| Did it catch on fire? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| This is the Bronco. | ||
| That's the Bronco. | ||
| Big storm last year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| The storm last year took... | ||
| Mark Curry's Bronco. | ||
| He loved that thing, man. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| It was a total sleeper. | ||
| That car was a sleeper. | ||
| See, that's when you're smart dudes like him, man, they get sleepers. | ||
| They like to drive around in a no-notice car. | ||
| That's how you move around. | ||
| You got to move around like that. | ||
| Don't bring too much attention. | ||
| Yeah, you got to move around. | ||
| Be able to go wherever you want to go when you want to go, you know? | ||
| That's a move, man. | ||
| A no-nonsense Bronco. | ||
| I need an old school. | ||
| What kind? | ||
| I like the pickup trucks, the old, I think it's like a Chevy. | ||
| Like 30s or 50s? | ||
| Like 50s. | ||
| The Chevy with the bubble tire covers. | ||
| What is that called? | ||
| I don't know, but I know what you're talking about. | ||
| There's one that a lot of people redo. | ||
| There's a very specific Chevy pickup truck. | ||
| That right there. | ||
| Oh, I need that. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| I need one of those. | ||
| 1950 Chevy pickup. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's crazy what they can do to those, too. | ||
| I mean, who would have ever thought, if you looked at one of those in the flesh in 1950, that someone would have something like that in 2018? | ||
| That looks like something from the movie Cars. | ||
| It cost what? | ||
| $6,000 in 1950? | ||
| Did it even cost that much? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| How much did a pickup truck cost in 1950? | ||
| I say $1,500. | ||
| I'm going to say $3,500. | ||
| How much did a pickup cost in 1950? | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
drum roll please nothing popped up off the top nothing It might be giving me pricing for now, too, so I'm trying to... | |
| Oh. | ||
| Did you write how much did a pickup truck cost? | ||
| Price of in... | ||
| Retail price in 1950. Maybe that's it. | ||
| People listening to this are bored out of their fucking mind right now. | ||
| Like, do you really care? | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| What a pickup truck cost. | ||
| 1950. Are they watching live? | ||
| Some people. | ||
| Hey, what's up? | ||
| What's up, people? | ||
| There's a slight delay. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Oh, for curses? | ||
| No, just because of the internet. | ||
| I think it's too late. | ||
| I think we already fucked it up. | ||
| How much did it cost? | ||
| $1,243. | ||
| $1,200. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| $1,243. | ||
| $1,243. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Current value, $30,000. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Or so. | ||
| Yeah, I got to get one. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Why a pickup truck and not a muscle car? | ||
| No, I want that. | ||
| You want that too? | ||
| I want that Spooky the Bandit first. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| 75. I want Spooky the Bandit first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course, I want a Lincoln Continental with the Suicide Doors. | ||
| Ooh, you want one of those? | ||
| I need that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Gotta have that. | ||
| The Spooky the Bandit, you're gonna have the Firebird on the front and the hood? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Damn. | ||
| The same one. | ||
| I want the Ford Mustang. | ||
| Eleanor? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ooh, the Gone in 60 Seconds car? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Need that. | |
| Ooh, that car. | ||
| That's one of the best looking cars of all time. | ||
| Probably the... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably the 66 Corvette. | ||
| Beautiful car. | ||
| Those are great cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful car. | |
| I have a 65 convertible. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah, love it. | ||
| So you know. | ||
| Yeah, they're great cars. | ||
| Beautiful piece of machinery. | ||
| It's a crazy look, right? | ||
| The look back there. | ||
| The top comes off like that right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's one of the most beautiful cars ever made in the world. | ||
| Is that a 67, Jamie? | ||
| That's what it says? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! | |
| That is incredible. | ||
| Was it called Eleanor before that movie, or did that come from something? | ||
| I think it came from the movie, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think it means something. | ||
| I think Eleanor, when you say it backwards, like whatever the acronym is, well, find it. | ||
| I think that's what they did. | ||
| I think they took some kind of tuner thing, someone's name, and used it backwards. | ||
| It's like Roanoke. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| I remember very vaguely the story of how they came up with the name Eleanor. | ||
| Anyway, see if you can find it. | ||
| Yeah, definitely need that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That right there. | ||
| It's a dope fucking car. | ||
| Super dope. | ||
| Maybe I'm thinking the opposite. | ||
| Maybe what I'm thinking of is someone made a car that's like Eleanor, but they spelled it backwards. | ||
| I think that might be it. | ||
| It just says Eleanor is the only Ford One Mach 1 in history to receive a car title credit. | ||
| Take the word Eleanor and spell it backwards and Google that. | ||
| I think there's a car that they're making where they spell Eleanor backwards. | ||
| I think this is where I'm getting it from. | ||
| The Hyundai Rollie. | ||
| The new Hyundai Rollie. | ||
| Yeah, what would be Eleanor? | ||
| 2005 Ronel Mustang. | ||
| Ah, see? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's where I fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, so this is a Mustang that they were spelling Eleanor backwards to make a dope Mustang. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| Yeah, not bad for a modern car. | ||
| Those are fun. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Those are like modern muscle cars. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Those cars, like that year, like into the 2015s and 16s, when they got rid of the live rear axle somewhere around... | ||
| I want to say pretty recently, like 2012 or something like that. | ||
| When was the latest Mustang released? | ||
| The latest model Mustang? | ||
| Before that, they used to have a solid rear axle, like a muscle car. | ||
| It handled terrible. | ||
| But it was fun. | ||
| It would go. | ||
| But you would stomp on the gas and the thing would go sideways. | ||
| It would burn out everywhere. | ||
| It was really like having a modern muscle car with anti-lock brakes and a stick shift. | ||
| You'd buy it from the factory with 550 horsepower. | ||
| Ridiculous car. | ||
| Then they got it all the way up to 700 in the last models. | ||
| The last models of the GT500 were 700 horsepower. | ||
| Front wheel. | ||
| Rear wheel drive. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 700 horsepower rear wheel drive? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| With a solid rear axle. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big crazy rear axle bouncing all over. | ||
| Every pothole you hit, the car goes sideways. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| I need that, Eleanor. | ||
| But apparently that's great, though, those old-school-y muscle cars for gripping the ground. | ||
| There's something about having everything all in one fat axle in the back. | ||
| Those two black stripes on the asphalt as it goes sideways. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| What did you say you have a 60? | ||
| 65 Corvette. | ||
| Man, that's nice. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's an old rumble. | ||
| I believe from what I just read that that car was only made for or maybe even used in that original movie. | ||
| And the guy that made it, HB, Toby, Halecki, wrote, starred, and directed that movie. | ||
| So it's his car. | ||
| It's his car. | ||
| But I think they made several versions. | ||
| They had four of them. | ||
| Because I saw a video of them selling one of them. | ||
| They were selling one of them online. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| There's a company called Classic Recreations. | ||
| They make those now. | ||
| Oh, you can get a frame? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, they do the whole thing from the beginning out. | ||
| And they make you a brand new version of a 1967 Mustang, but with modern engine, modern suspension. | ||
| How much does something like that cost? | ||
| Expensive as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I could imagine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Expensive as fuck. | |
| But if you're some rich dude who just, you know, you look at... | ||
| You just want one. | ||
| There's the thing about this, like, flossing, right? | ||
| Like, if you have a Lamborghini, you're like, look at this guy's doors go up. | ||
| You know, there's something about that, right? | ||
| The Lamborghini was made for flossing. | ||
| Ferrari, same thing. | ||
| You pull up, like, look at this motherfucker, making it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| But if you pull up in one of those things, that's... | ||
| That's a different kind of enjoyment. | ||
| That's like you're driving around in an art piece. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's an attention grabber storyteller. | ||
| That's like people are just going to stop you. | ||
| Yeah, it's like an A+. In terms of the impact it has on guys in particular. | ||
| See, but girls don't care about that as much. | ||
| I think chicks will dig that one. | ||
| I think that one. | ||
| That one's so pretty. | ||
| Chicks dig the long ball, man. | ||
| That's the long ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the long ball! | |
| Chicks dig the long ball. | ||
| That's out of the park. | ||
| That's like, what is that? | ||
| You're like, hey, come take a ride. | ||
| Yeah, pull that photo up again. | ||
| That silver one. | ||
| The 1967 silver one that you just had up. | ||
| Look at this again. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Come on, you pull that up in front of the club? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's pretty. | ||
| Do you know how much the one from the movie sold for at auction? | ||
| Let me guess. | ||
| $700,000. | ||
| $4 million. | ||
| $1 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| The main one. | ||
| From John Wick? | ||
| Or from Elgon in 60 Seconds? | ||
| In John Wick, that's what it was. | ||
| It wasn't the Eleanor one. | ||
| I'm remembering wrong. | ||
| They were selling one of the Mustangs in the movie, John Wick. | ||
| He had a 69... | ||
| It wasn't an Eleanor, but he had a nice one in the movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He had a 69 that got stolen. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Guy killed his dog and stole the car. | ||
| And then he got a 70 Chevelle. | ||
| Chevelle. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| Everybody loves a Chevelle. | ||
| That's 70 Chevelle, too. | ||
| Everybody loves a Chevelle, yeah. | ||
| That's 70 Chevelle. | ||
| It's classic. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| That's a classic. | ||
| Oh, Impala. | ||
| I gotta get an Impala, too. | ||
| I need an Impala. | ||
| You know what's even more classic than a... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Goddamn, man. | ||
| That's a 69. I think that's a Mach 1. Yeah. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It makes me faint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking pretty. | |
| I get weak in the legs when I see a car like that. | ||
| I'm like, oh my goodness. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That is America. | ||
| It's like two pieces to that thing. | ||
| America! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's like the front. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do not drive that good. | ||
| They do not. | ||
| Because that looks pretty stock. | ||
| They do not handle very well. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| That's another kind Yeah, if you had like a modern Honda Accord, you'll blow that thing off the road. | ||
| Like, for real. | ||
| That's a goddamn work of art, though. | ||
| You pull up in that thing. | ||
| You take the Honda Accord, I'll take that. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| Look how pretty that is. | ||
| That might be one of the best looking cars of all time. | ||
| No, that... | ||
| Eleanor is... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Top three. | ||
| Go to that one in the upper right hand corner, young Jamie. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| 1969 Mach 1. Pow! | ||
| Mecca! | ||
| Dude, Hendrix was alive when his car was out. | ||
| That is a sexy vehicle right there. | ||
| Hendrix died in 69, right? | ||
| You could have been on your way to a goddamn Hendrix concert in that car in 1969. You would be the man. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You pick up your girl. | ||
| Hendrix pulled up to the concert in that. | ||
| People, you know, people were just different then. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, Hendrix probably would pull up to the concert in that, right? | ||
| That'd be a car Hendrix would drive. | ||
| Kevin's guitar in the passenger seat. | ||
| Yeah, I found out there was a house that was for sale that Hendrix almost bought in Topanga Canyon. | ||
| I was like, he told me he almost bought it. | ||
| It's almost Hendrix. | ||
| Does it count? | ||
| It's almost. | ||
| Does it count? | ||
| He just walked through it like, nah, not this one. | ||
| He was apparently on his way to buying it when he died. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, Stingray. | ||
| T-top, son. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That's Jimi Hendrix' Corvette. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| See if you find any other pictures of that thing. | ||
| That's a sexy car. | ||
| That shit looked like a shock. | ||
| God. | ||
| Jimi Hendrix had a baby boom Corvette. | ||
| That's just a different one. | ||
| But yeah, those are crazy looking. | ||
| Go to that other one that was just on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck was that? | |
| This is it right here? | ||
| So there's only a couple pictures of the car from the top. | ||
| Two Corvettes. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| He had two Corvettes. | ||
| Are those both his back-to-back? | ||
| Is that what we're looking at? | ||
| Two different ones? | ||
| No, I think it's the same car. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, Jimi Hendrix. | ||
| Knew how to live. | ||
| Old school, man. | ||
| Dinosaur days. | ||
| Beautiful, beautiful car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you drive, Tony? | ||
| I have a Cadillac. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| I got a Cadillac. | ||
| Which one you got? | ||
| I got the STS. Mine's old now. | ||
| I was actually going to buy a new car in the next couple months. | ||
| I don't know what I want. | ||
| They have a crazy new sedan coming out. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Something V. Some big four-door, super-powered, ultra-comfortable. | ||
| No, I've been waiting for... | ||
| Have you seen the El Mirage? | ||
| Can you pull up the Cadillac? | ||
| El Mirage. | ||
| E-L-M-I-R-A-J. I've been waiting four years for this car. | ||
| And every time I go to the auto show, they're like, yeah, it's coming next year. | ||
| So I wait, wait, wait. | ||
| That sounds like a superhero in a Robert Rodriguez movie. | ||
| The El Mirage. | ||
| Look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Four years, Cadillac, I've been waiting for this car. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Every auto show. | ||
| Yeah, next year. | ||
| That is slick. | ||
| That's a two-door. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I've been waiting patiently for this car. | ||
| You know, when we were kids, we thought about what cars would look like in the future. | ||
| That's what they would look like in the future. | ||
| Look at the front end of that thing. | ||
| Like the headlights. | ||
| Those are crazy. | ||
| Look at that, man. | ||
| That has such a futuristic, like, pause there for that picture and make that a little bit bigger. | ||
| That has such a futuristic shape to it. | ||
| Look at the leather on the inside. | ||
| And look at that grille. | ||
| Look how that grille integrates. | ||
| We're like, this is how girls go with shoes. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| Do you see how strappy they are? | ||
| And you say to your girl, like, I don't get it. | ||
| This is it right here. | ||
| You're not gonna get it. | ||
| It's so strappy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four years I've been waiting for this car. | |
| Why are you such a Cadillac, dude? | ||
| My father drove a Cadillac. | ||
| It's a tribute to my dad. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| The last car my pops had before he passed away was a burgundy Cadillac. | ||
| And I just remember he loved it so much. | ||
| And I didn't, you know, growing up in New York, I didn't need a car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So when I moved to LA, I was like, oh shit, I gotta get a car to get around. | ||
| I'm like, what am I gonna get? | ||
| Tribute to dad. | ||
| Cadillac. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They make some old school cars too that you could actually get fixed up and drive around. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Like some 70s Eldorados. | ||
| I'm going to get an oldie and put it in the hands of a caretaker and let them just fix it up. | ||
| Get you one of them. | ||
| Definitely going to do that. | ||
| Two-door Eldorados. | ||
| Nice, nice. | ||
| What color? | ||
| What color? | ||
| I don't know, maybe like a money green? | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| Ooh, like the Bishop Don Juan. | ||
| Didn't he have a money green one? | ||
| Well, then scratch that. | ||
| Well, then scratch that. | ||
| We'll go burgundy. | ||
| Because I don't want anybody to mistake me for the mission badge. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I don't want no girl running up in my car at In-N-Out Burger like, I got your money, daddy. | ||
| I like the burgundy. | ||
| I like burgundy with a little bit of metallic flake to it. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That would be nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| That would be nice. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All fresh chrome. | ||
| Gotta do it. | ||
| Riding those things, man. | ||
| I mean, you gotta respect the fact that it takes a long time to stop those fuckers. | ||
| All the convertible Eldorado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| The convertible Eldorado. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| We're looking at a 76 convertible Eldorado. | ||
| Oh my god, what a shape. | ||
| What a shape. | ||
| That was back when they didn't know what the fuck aerodynamics was. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| Oh, that's what we're talking about right there. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What year is that, Jamie? | ||
| 67? | ||
| God. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| People just drove these enormous boats. | ||
| Look at the size of the trunk. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| That trunk can fit like a smart car in it. | ||
| Yeah, you could easily sleep in that trunk. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| They just went through a period of time where they were making these giant boats. | ||
| Like the Suicide Door Continental that you talked about. | ||
| That's an all-time classic. | ||
| All-time classic. | ||
| Gotta love that. | ||
| That's another one of the best cars I've probably ever made. | ||
| You know what's another best car I ever made that I would never want to park anywhere? | ||
| 1968 Charger. | ||
| I saw a 1968 Charger all done up. | ||
| Dukes has it? | ||
| It's similar. | ||
| Is that year 68 or 69? | ||
| One of those years. | ||
| Either one of those years is badass. | ||
| But those cars, they were just like sharks. | ||
| Like big, long boats. | ||
| They weren't like... | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| That's not in any way practical in terms of its shape. | ||
| Like, it's got to be... | ||
| That wind's got to go into that grill in a weird way and probably slows it down. | ||
| It's like having a little mini parachute in the front of your hood. | ||
| Obviously, I don't know shit about aerodynamics. | ||
| They didn't know about aerodynamics back then. | ||
| Well, I think they knew a little bit. | ||
| Go back to that original picture, man. | ||
| That original one was beautiful. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Like, that car just represents a different world. | ||
| That's Fast and Furious, right? | ||
| Yeah, he had one of those, right? | ||
| Or similar? | ||
| Something similar? | ||
| Similar years? | ||
| There's something about... | ||
| In 1970, it got weird, because then they put the bumper all around the front. | ||
| Like a big oval. | ||
| You ever see that? | ||
| No. | ||
| On this car? | ||
| Yeah, pull up 1970 Charger. | ||
| 1970 got weird. | ||
| Like somebody got crafty. | ||
| Look at the front bumper. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What did you just do? | ||
| Hey, hey, come here. | ||
| That's like, put it back. | ||
| Yeah, what did you do? | ||
| Put it back. | ||
| You had something. | ||
| Go to the black one. | ||
| Go to the black one right above it. | ||
| Where are the headlights? | ||
| Oh, they roll up. | ||
| They roll up like a 69 Camaro. | ||
| You ever see a 69 Camaro? | ||
| Yeah, they... | ||
| Yeah, they flip. | ||
| Yeah, those things flip. | ||
| That was like the rage back then, man. | ||
| People loved roll-up headlights. | ||
| That's a good picture, Jamie, but the other one's better because you could see the... | ||
| No, the black one right next to it. | ||
| Because you could see the other black... | ||
| Yeah, that weren't there. | ||
| Because you could see the grille. | ||
| Like, make that a little bigger. | ||
| Like, look how goofy that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a nice picture. | |
| Look how goofy that grill is. | ||
| The bumper and the grill are like, it's got an up bumper and a down bumper. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| You had it perfect, you fuck. | ||
| Some guy was like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Those people were on coke. | ||
| It was the 70s. | ||
| They were like, you know what was better? | ||
| Fucking double bumper. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Double bumper. | ||
| Bumper up top, bumper on the bottom. | ||
| It's my thing, bro. | ||
| You're going to push that through to the GM? Hey, did you bring up my idea about the double bumper? | ||
| Bumper on top, bumper on the bottom. | ||
| I'm telling you, man. | ||
| It's a fucking move. | ||
| It's one guy. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It just doesn't look as good. | ||
| It still looks badass, though. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It's still badass. | ||
| But the original picture was the one. | ||
| Yeah, now go to a 1969. 1969's a sweet spot. | ||
| That's when they nailed it. | ||
| And then they fucked it up. | ||
| They should have made the 1969 Charger. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah, see, it was Tuks of Hazzard. | ||
| Yeah, that was Tuks of Hazzard. | ||
| Look at that one, that black one, up on the upper left-hand corner. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Upper left. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| What a shape. | ||
| Those people just had a different way of looking at automobiles. | ||
| They weren't confined by all the safety regulations. | ||
| What's the spot at Bob's Big Boy in Burbank when they have the cars out of there? | ||
| I passed by. | ||
| I never stopped in one of those. | ||
| I've been to similar things. | ||
| I've been to the LA Auto Show, too. | ||
| It's pretty interesting. | ||
| But I guess those cars and coffees and things, you ever done one of those? | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard those are pretty badass. | ||
| People pull up with weird cars. | ||
| Jay Leno's always showing up. | ||
| At Burbank? | ||
| Well, they have them all over the place. | ||
| They have them in fucking Irvine and all over the place. | ||
| I gotta check it out. | ||
| I do the auto show every year and I ask about the El Mirage and they're like, yeah, next year. | ||
| You are just obsessed with Cadillacs. | ||
| Gotta get it. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Gotta get it. | ||
| So no matter how big you get, Cadillacs? | ||
| No, I'll have other cars, but there's going to be a Caddy somewhere. | ||
| But that's your main daily driver, probably. | ||
| That El Mirage, gotta get it. | ||
| I like it, man. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's a different kind of luxury car, and they're really doing it right now, too. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know who else is doing it right? | ||
| The new Lincoln Navigator. | ||
| You see that thing? | ||
| Gigantic. | ||
| The thing is crazy. | ||
| Big, man. | ||
| That thing is big. | ||
| It's luxurious. | ||
| You like it? | ||
| Yeah, I've ridden them before. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| I got a test drive. | ||
| I haven't driven one, but I've ridden as a passenger in one. | ||
| I was like, this thing is badass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like the new, well, it's foreign, but that new BMW 7. Mm-hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| It's like a couch going down the street. | ||
| You just... | ||
| Some insane amount of money. | ||
| It's like $160,000. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| There's one version of it that's the most expensive BMW they've ever made. | ||
| And it's supposed to be the most technologically advanced. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And I like the new Porsche, the four-door. | ||
| Panamera. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Nice car. | ||
| I like it a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I like it a lot. | ||
| Yeah, that's the difference between living here and living in New York. | ||
| Living in New York, so many people don't have cars. | ||
| You really don't need one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you have a car in New York, it's a luxury. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Then you have to find parking and you go, fuck this car, man. | ||
| My brother Kenny had a car for like a summer. | ||
| It was like, man, I got to get up and move it every morning. | ||
| And when I go into the city, I got to find parking. | ||
| He's like, fuck this, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you drive down the street and you see ones with boots on them, people don't... | ||
| They don't realize about the blue. | ||
| Oh, you see the tickets just piled up? | ||
| They'll put a ticket on top of a ticket. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| In LA, sometimes people say, hey, if you already have a ticket, they won't put another one? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| In New York, they'll put a ticket on top of a ticket. | ||
| So he was just like a summer. | ||
| What did he have? | ||
| He had a... | ||
| That's a different kind of living. | ||
| Living with no car, living in the city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a Thunderbird. | |
| He had a Ford Thunderbird. | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| Well, older one or a newer one? | ||
| No, like a 2004. Oh, those were weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's just like, fuck this car, man. | ||
| Too many tickets. | ||
| You know what's weird? | ||
| Like that Thunderbird didn't really totally work, but the Challenger worked perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like the new Challenger? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah, people are like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, you nailed it. | ||
| You got it right. | ||
| But the Thunderbird, people are like, what are we doing here? | ||
| Is this an old car? | ||
| Is this a new car? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Who are we? | ||
| Did they stop making that, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| They don't make that anymore. | ||
| Yeah, Chargers was great. | ||
| I don't think Ford makes anything other than Mustangs and trucks. | ||
| I think they gave up on every single car they made. | ||
| They're bringing the Bronco back, I know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bringing the Bronco back. | ||
| But I think that was a move they made. | ||
| Would you say, Jamie? | ||
| Did they have a Focus or did they stop making that? | ||
| I think they decided real recently. | ||
| We're not counting the Ford Focus, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does that count? | |
| We just buy real cars. | ||
| I think recently they said they're going to cancel every car except the Mustang and they're just going to make trucks. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, somebody went fucking crazy. | ||
| Well, I think they'd probably make that Ford GT, too, in limited numbers. | ||
| But yeah, I think they're... | ||
| The Saleen? | ||
| Yeah, that's a different company that takes a Mustang and then they put an aftermarket kit on it. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, that's Steve Saleen's company. | ||
| They do Corvettes and a bunch of other shit, too. | ||
| They do a bunch of different... | ||
| It's like Hennessy. | ||
| You ever heard of that Hennessy performance? | ||
| I've heard of Hennessy Performance, but what are we talking about? | ||
| Or like Shelby. | ||
| They take these cars and they'll do it to an El Dorado. | ||
| Not an El Dorado. | ||
| They'll do it to Escalade. | ||
| They'll do it to Corvettes, Mustangs. | ||
| They'll take a regular car and put 1,000 horsepower in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And sell it. | ||
| But it's not just a Corvette. | ||
| It's a Hennessy Corvette now. | ||
| It's like a Saline Mustang. | ||
| It's like a Shelby Mustang. | ||
| Kind of similar. | ||
| But Shelby, they sell from the Ford dealerships. | ||
| Some Ford dealerships sell salines. | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| You can buy them. | ||
| They'll buy a few of them. | ||
| I thought you meant drunk when I'm drunk in my performance on Hennessy. | ||
| Oh, Hennessy. | ||
| My Hennessy performance. | ||
| Ford to stop making all passenger cars. | ||
| Except the Mustang. | ||
| They're doing like the Explorer and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, so they're just doing trucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the Bronco. | ||
| But that's a dope looking... | ||
| Are they going to do one car? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That's the bullet car. | ||
| That's the tribute to the Steve McQueen movie. | ||
| That's what that green car is. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That is gorgeous. | ||
| Great movie, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, it is a great movie. | ||
| They nailed it, though. | ||
| See, Ford nailed it with these Mustangs. | ||
| They figured out a perfect way to make a shape that makes you think about old cars but looks like a new car. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| An ode to the past? | ||
| Yes, an ode to the past. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Young Tony Rock. | ||
| Tony, I'm going to wrap this up. | ||
| We just talked about Cars for the last time. | ||
| I hope we didn't bore the shit out of you people. | ||
| Sorry, sorry. | ||
| But people, please, go see Tony Rock. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| You're one of the funniest guys alive. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| Kansas City Improv this weekend. | ||
| Is this live, right? | ||
| So Kansas City Improv. | ||
| Kansas City Improv this weekend. | ||
| TonyRock.com. | ||
| TonyRockComedy.com. | ||
| Tony underscore Rock on Instagram. | ||
| Whoever is camping on the Tony Rock name, give it up. | ||
| Somebody won't give it up. | ||
| Is it a real Tony Rock? | ||
| Is his name Tony Rock? | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| I think there's only one. | ||
| Anyway, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you so much, man. | |
| Pleasure, bro. | ||
| Appreciate it. |
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