March 28, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:51
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
We got a bunch of fucking skanks in the house. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Legion of Skanks. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cheers! | |
| Very excited to get all you guys together. | ||
| This was a good move. | ||
| Good idea. | ||
| All credit to praise to Big J. All praise be due. | ||
| But I'm glad. | ||
| This is fun. | ||
| Long time coming. | ||
| Fuck yeah, thanks for having us. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| Yeah, very excited to be here, Mr. Rogan. | ||
| Legion of Skanks in the house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I'm gonna tell you right now, and we really mean this, This has been a very, very long time coming. | ||
| All the fans have been kind of looking for this moment. | ||
| So this is a very, very big deal for me personally. | ||
| So I want to say thanks for having us on. | ||
| Lewis is one sentence away from crying. | ||
| Did you write that last night? | ||
| We were all so baked. | ||
| We probably shouldn't be talking in public. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But cheers. | |
| Cheers, gentlemen. | ||
| I feel like you wrote that last night, Lewis. | ||
| Mr. Rogan, how I spent my summer was good, and we went to the park, and we got to ride all the rides. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| What do you want me to say? | ||
| It's hard to be sincere these days. | ||
| Yeah, pretend that it's not a big deal. | ||
| It's a huge deal. | ||
| Lewis is rarely impressed. | ||
| Very unimpressed guy. | ||
| He's very impressed today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a fucking Disneyland for dudes that we're in right now. | ||
| We're in an airport hangar and there's just bow and arrows and dead animals and pool tables and... | ||
| Battle bots. | ||
| I feel most men live lives that are very, very suppressed. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think most men, if they were left to their own devices and someone said, yeah, you do whatever you want in the building. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I can just decide what to put in the building? | ||
| Just whatever. | ||
| Just put whatever in the building, you'd do the exact same shit. | ||
| Is there enough room for an archery setup? | ||
| That's one of the things that I wanted. | ||
| I wanted to make sure there was room for an indoor range. | ||
| That was when you went into buying a place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a big requirement. | |
| That was an interesting conversation with a real estate agent. | ||
| Yeah, they were like, what? | ||
| I'm like, I need at least 40 yards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
40 yards indoors. | |
| Do you have to get extra insurance for that? | ||
| I said, can I virtual hunt Dana, is it? | ||
| We have not had this request. | ||
| That virtual hunt game is a very popular game, the techno hunt thing. | ||
| That thing is so addictive. | ||
| It's so addictive, though. | ||
| It can give you bad habits, too. | ||
| You get a little punchy with your trigger. | ||
| I do like that they have some of the real life things of the deer where the elk, they're looking at you. | ||
| They really do give you a sad face. | ||
| Like, can you do it? | ||
| Can you do it? | ||
| Yeah, you can probably get it with other things, too, right? | ||
| Like, couldn't you get it with superheroes? | ||
| Couldn't you get it like you were that Archer dude from the Avengers and fucking those monsters are coming after you? | ||
| Children. | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| Just young children. | ||
| Because I don't want to do it in real life. | ||
| My family's looking for me. | ||
| Can we upload everyone who bullied Lewis in the third grade to do that game? | ||
| Kids. | ||
| That's the same thing. | ||
| That's like when they give the pedophiles little underage fuck dolls to try to keep them from doing it for real. | ||
| So you just murder kids with a bow and arrow. | ||
| Do they really do that? | ||
| Yeah, they're out of them now. | ||
| They don't give it to them, no. | ||
| Well, they're available in Asia, I think. | ||
| You can buy child fuck robots. | ||
| I've heard. | ||
| I've heard. | ||
| You can watch our fuck robots. | ||
| And not in this country, I found out. | ||
| It's a weird moral thing though, right? | ||
| Like, would you rather have them fuck a little robot in their closet somewhere? | ||
| Because your first instinct is always like, oh, that's horrible. | ||
| But then you're like, that's kind of like giving someone with anger issues a punching bag. | ||
| Maybe it's not the worst thing. | ||
| It's like, they've got that thing, whatever it is. | ||
| Like, how do you get it out? | ||
| Yeah, on that little sweet, sweet, beautiful punching bag. | ||
| It's so fucked up, man. | ||
| As long as it is featureless. | ||
| Yeah, child fuck robots don't punch back. | ||
| You want to, like, meet in the middle, you're like, okay, it's legal, but you can't name it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's going too far. | |
| Well, do you think that you could fuck a real doll? | ||
| I mean, you definitely could if you had to, but would that be something you'd be interested in? | ||
| I think I couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous this situation was. | ||
| I'd rather just jerk off and think about things. | ||
| We had, as a sponsor, a flashlight. | ||
| I've had a flashlight forever. | ||
| A flashlight is very utilitarian. | ||
| You're not confusing yourself. | ||
| Nobody's ever said that word before. | ||
| You know, like, oh baby, she's the girl of my dreams. | ||
| I've never even used it. | ||
| I've had it forever. | ||
| I've never even thought about it. | ||
| I couldn't guess why I would want to use it. | ||
| Seems weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It feels good, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does it? | |
| It feels way better than jerking off. | ||
| Does it really? | ||
| It engulfs your whole dick. | ||
| Yeah, and you put it in warm water and you get it like to a temperature of a body Somehow or another there's like a portal like this tube is a portal to another woman another dimension But all you can get out is her vagina Just hold that's it feels real the name of this dimension is called awesome Do you jerk off with a flashlight or do you hold it and fuck it? | ||
| No, you jerk off Jay you jerked me off with a fleshlight. | ||
| Yeah, but that was for sure That was on camera. | ||
| Behind the curtain. | ||
| I thought we screened this interview. | ||
| We did this on the podcast. | ||
| I swear to God, he jerked me off with the flesh. | ||
| We gave this to your producer. | ||
| No, I couldn't get hard. | ||
| There's a female comic. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| Is that a fucked butt? | ||
| That's a real dog. | ||
| That's a real dog. | ||
| They're getting pretty good. | ||
| Man. | ||
| It was a redhead, though. | ||
| It was a documentary on Netflix about people fucking... | ||
| Sex robots really have come far because there are people who fall in love with these sex robots and it looks like the fucking taxi driver, Johnny on the Spot from Total Recall. | ||
| It's like this crazy, like, animatronic Chuck E. Cheese bass player. | ||
| Well, it's gonna get to a point where it can totally mimic you. | ||
| I mean, it's gonna get to a point where it really is like Blade Runner. | ||
| Is that what they are now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the dude one. | ||
| Oh, look at the dude one. | ||
| I thought about buying a dude one to do jiu-jitsu with. | ||
| I was gonna order one with... | ||
| Very clearly, no dick and a sealed butthole. | ||
| I was like, the proportions are perfect, because I have a doll. | ||
| It's this bubba dummy that you practice submissions on, but it's super stiff. | ||
| It's like this. | ||
| But you basically can drill the moves, but it's not the same as drilling it on an anatomically correct body. | ||
| If you had an anatomically correct body to practice jiu-jitsu on, you'd get some fucking tight moves. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Can't wait till the day when you're announcing for robot fights in the UFC? No, I have zero interest. | ||
| There's nothing at stake if they live or die. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| The whole thing about fighting is that there's some horrible, gigantic thing at stake. | ||
| You can fuck one, though. | ||
| Yeah, you can fuck one. | ||
| I'm not gonna watch them fight. | ||
| Would you watch two robots fuck? | ||
| I would if there was some sort of a program that they were running. | ||
| I'd want to see what the program was. | ||
| Yeah, it wouldn't be a Jack material. | ||
| It would completely be fascination. | ||
| Yeah, they would probably talk to each other in numbers and they would both be dudes. | ||
| There was one that they just made a fuck doll, right? | ||
| And this just happened. | ||
| There's videos of it. | ||
| The robots started speaking like a weird code to each other. | ||
| These were like fucking like straight up fuck dolls. | ||
| Skynet, dude. | ||
| And they would turn them on and then they started speaking and it would seem like a code and people were like freaking out about this. | ||
| Oh, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, they had these computers. | ||
| They were linked together and they started communicating to each other in a language that the coders didn't understand. | ||
| And they shut it off. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| Just simply to unplug it. | ||
| But I heard that my version of it that I just said might be the most spectacular version sounding, but it might not be accurate. | ||
| And that what they might have gotten is like, they might have got stuck in like a feedback loop and just been making gibberish. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I heard that too. | ||
| I'm way too fucking stupid to know who's right. | ||
| Let's just hope it's that second one and not the first one. | ||
| The first one sounds like an opening scene in a Terminator movie. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| But at the same time, the solution being like, don't plug that in again, man. | ||
| Yo, man. | ||
| I know you're going to want to. | ||
| I know it's just hanging right there. | ||
| What the fuck are we going to do? | ||
| I had a podcast with Sam Harris about it. | ||
| And he is terrified of AI. And he's far smarter than me. | ||
| Whenever I talk to him about shit, I go, oh, okay. | ||
| And he's terrified. | ||
| He's terrified. | ||
| That's what freaks me out, is when people way smarter than me are terrified about it. | ||
| Like, what's his name? | ||
| Elon Musk. | ||
| Elon Musk is terrified. | ||
| Stephen Hawkins is terrified. | ||
| All these guys are like, no, no, no, this is going bad. | ||
| And then you're like, shit. | ||
| Sometimes they're too close to it. | ||
| I feel like some people also get too bogged down in the details. | ||
| When you live your life very ignorantly like I do, I have no fear of AI technology, guys. | ||
| I'll be honest with you. | ||
| Did a self-driving Tesla already kill somebody? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or a self-driving taxi or whatever? | ||
| Well, she did something very reckless. | ||
| She walked right into traffic. | ||
| And she might have been a homeless lady. | ||
| She might have been on drugs. | ||
| They're not exactly sure. | ||
| I don't think the results of the autopsy are out yet. | ||
| But you watch the video. | ||
| She basically just... | ||
| Just walks right in front of the car. | ||
| The car's going down the road. | ||
| So a person driving wouldn't have made much difference. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's hard to tell whether or not you'd be able to react. | ||
| Well, I guess the technology of stopping quick enough to not hit somebody. | ||
| They want to make it safer, right? | ||
| That's the idea. | ||
| But I think it is, right? | ||
| I think there's more human error when you're dealing with people drinking, smoking weed, paying attention to their cell phones. | ||
| I almost would rather just trust, even if there's a few deaths per year, there's way more deaths per year with... | ||
| You know, people being idiots. | ||
| Lewis just laid out the logic for why the robots are going to take over. | ||
| Was the lady black? | ||
| I trust him. | ||
| I trust him. | ||
| It's a black lady, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It would be fine. | ||
| There's another video of it just stopping perfectly for a white woman who ran in traffic. | ||
| Racist Tesla piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine if it needs to reflect off your skin to get an accurate reading? | |
| Anything darker than Mediterranean, it just fucking runs over. | ||
| The Tesla stops at Olive. | ||
| It stops in Persian. | ||
| It turns out just through science it has like the same racism of like the 1890s where they're like, we'll give the Italians a pass. | ||
| The rest of you guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's two different types of Mexicans. | ||
| There's Oscar De La Hoya Mexicans and then there's those other Mexicans that look like Indian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Where the mustache starts on the edge of the lips. | ||
| Where would it go with them? | ||
| You know, that's what Mexico is, essentially, right? | ||
| It was a combination of the Native Americans and Spanish invaders. | ||
| Yeah, and then the Spanish ones are like, you know, they're the ones who look down at the locals. | ||
| But at this point, they're all kind of mixed, I think, but they're still just the different shades. | ||
| Well, you get Canelo Alvarez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| Fucking red-headed Mexican dude. | ||
| Very bizarre looking. | ||
| Louis CK is another one. | ||
| He's a red-headed Mexican dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I never even think about that Louis Mexican. | ||
| He should have started playing that card a lot harder after the New York Times. | ||
| His apology letter should have been like, well, as a Mexican. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't want any trouble. | ||
| I believe he was born in Mexico. | ||
| I'm not sure about that though. | ||
| He was either born in Mexico or he definitely lived in Mexico. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I would never have guessed that. | ||
| My family lives in Mexico. | ||
| They retired to Mexico. | ||
| My parents did. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Just fucking chill out. | ||
| Jesse the Body Ventura talks about Mexico with a lot of reverence. | ||
| Dude, people who live there, I've got a buddy of mine who's got a place in Cabo, and he loves it. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Cabo's a particularly douchey city. | ||
| I went there to do a comedy festival, and it's straight up the worst people from... | ||
| Think about the worst 40-year-old couple from your hometown that... | ||
| Just like fake tan assholes. | ||
| A whole city. | ||
| It's like Florida. | ||
| But then they all go and meet up in one town. | ||
| So it's just like thousands of fucking awful people in hot ass Mexico. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't get any... | ||
| I don't understand if you smoke weed why you would go to the Caribbean and not just go to Jamaica every single time. | ||
| Is Jamaica the spot? | ||
| Dog. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Is that cool? | ||
| He's pushing it hard on me. | ||
| If Lewis prefaced with dog, he's being serious. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| Actually, I was, but it was just like a stop on a cruise. | ||
| Have you guys ever thought about doing a skanks cruise? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we have. | ||
| We should definitely do that. | ||
| We do our comedy festival every summer, and we thought about doing it. | ||
| What's funny, the festival was influenced by the crews because we did these cruises, and the idea is you can't escape the – the bands can't escape the bands. | ||
| They're on this cruise ship. | ||
| You're hanging out the whole fucking time. | ||
| So it's not like you go to a comedy festival. | ||
| It's in 10 different locations. | ||
| You're going to see a show, right? | ||
| Skank Fest is all one location. | ||
| It's a party, you know, two and a half days nonstop. | ||
| You're in one location, so everybody's hanging out, everybody's drinking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what are you guys doing? | |
| We're doing it this year at a place called Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. | ||
| It's like a huge, it's an old Polish catering hall that has like four different rooms. | ||
| We're going to have three different stages going on simultaneously. | ||
| It's going to be cool. | ||
| Yeah, really good. | ||
| And how did Ari Shaffir get the publicity scoop? | ||
| I believe he organized the festival, right Luke? | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| He got the scoop on you. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| That motherfucker? | ||
| I fucking love Ari to death, but he... | ||
| How many people have said that? | ||
| How many people have said that in Ari's life? | ||
| I love Ari to death, but he's a motherfucker. | ||
| Last time we did Burt Kreischer's podcast, Burt's wife hated Ari. | ||
| Am I still? | ||
| We were talking about Ari before the podcast, that all of our friends that got fuck you money, Ari said fuck you the hardest. | ||
| Like, he does what he wants to do. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You know, it's Fucking beautiful, man. | ||
| Every day that I'm running around, he's like, you want to get Indonesian food at a place somewhere? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we going to do an escape room in the middle of the day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like playful. | ||
| I think it's like, as kids, we're all trying to grow up and, you know, make money and do what we do. | ||
| But I think the idea is we're all supposed to be playing. | ||
| I'm joking when I say this like a dude Disneyland, but you come in here and you create an environment to play every day. | ||
| And that's success to me, right? | ||
| You get to do what you want to do every single day, play with the toys you want to play with, hang out with the people you want to play with. | ||
| And I think everyone thinks, like, when you don't have money, you think when you get money, yeah, that's what I'll be like. | ||
| But then I've watched so many people who do get money, and then they're like, yeah, but gotta have retirement money, gotta make sure I have this, gotta make sure I do that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Or just lives the way you thought you would have before you had it. | ||
| Yeah, he's not flashy either. | ||
| He won't even buy a new car that fuck. | ||
| He doesn't own an apartment. | ||
| He rents. | ||
| He's got a flip phone. | ||
| He's like a minimalist almost. | ||
| Yeah, but that's because of his addiction. | ||
| He's definitely a minimalist, for sure. | ||
| But the flip phone's a decision, because he sees. | ||
| He's a very smart guy. | ||
| He's looking around at all these other people with their cell phones, looking at himself, and he's like, oh, that thing's just stealing your time, and you're addicted to it. | ||
| Everyone's addicted to their phone. | ||
| Yeah, I definitely am. | ||
| I'm definitely addicted to my phone. | ||
| But the bad thing is then Ari will just text me a Google-able question. | ||
| Like, he'll just be like, what's the weather in Philly or something? | ||
| And you're like, Ari, this is... | ||
| He said he mixes it up between his friends so it doesn't get too annoying to any one person. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's funny is if he has to listen to music, he has to carry around, like, an extra-large iPad to hold his, like, headphones. | ||
| So that's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He's got an iPad in the back of his pants. | ||
| Like a fucking gun. | ||
| He, like, inspired... | ||
| He's... | ||
| I would have my cell phone out at a comedy club looking at it, and Ari would literally come and take his hand and put it over the phone and be like, dude, what are you doing? | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Hang out. | ||
| Talk to us. | ||
| It kind of inspired me. | ||
| It made me self-conscious around other people doing it, and now every time I see people doing it, I sort of judge them now, and it really is true. | ||
| I mean, people live in their cell phone every single day, and you lose the connection. | ||
| It sends a message like, fuck you, dude. | ||
| This person over here is more important than the person that's sitting right in front of me. | ||
| Well, it's just the phone. | ||
| That light is addictive. | ||
| It's just addictive. | ||
| Looking at the images, it's like... | ||
| You know what happens when a little kid sees a TV? You ever see that? | ||
| A little kid walks in a room with a TV and a commercial's going on. | ||
| The kid's like this, just staring at it. | ||
| Because it fucks with the way you take in visual information. | ||
| There's nothing like that in the wild. | ||
| There's nothing like a big screen TV in the wild, right? | ||
| Like that image of... | ||
| Super Bowl, on a big screen TV in HD, and you're like, holy shit! | ||
| You look at all the green, look at all the guys running around, smashing into each other. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| You don't get that in a real life thing unless you're about to get eaten. | ||
| Yeah, we've evolved to take that seriously. | ||
| We've evolved to see that and treat it like it's happening. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| This is a big cat running at you or something, right? | ||
| I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| But it's on your phone. | ||
| And you're watching YouTube videos like, look at all that shit moving around on my phone. | ||
| Also, like the kill time of it too, where, as my chick pointed out the other day, if we ever sit down at a restaurant, like don't take food to go and sit down, how quickly I pull out, like, alright, we're playing Family Feud! | ||
| So it's not even just pulling back into my phone, but it's still part of the, let's do something! | ||
| Does anybody have a topic? | ||
| No? | ||
| Alright, let's just play Family Feud! | ||
| You give yourself ADD in a weird way. | ||
| You make it even worse. | ||
| I live in New York City. | ||
| We all do. | ||
| And they're sort of doing little signs in the subway that let you know how long it is before the subway is going to come. | ||
| And that's pretty new. | ||
| When I first moved there in 2001, you would just go and be like, dude, I might be here for 30 minutes. | ||
| I might be here for two minutes. | ||
| Who knows when the next subway is going to come. | ||
| But now if a subway sign is broken, I can't wait on that platform. | ||
| I've got to get up and leave and get a taxi or whatever because I'll lose my mind just wondering when that cab is going to come. | ||
| Whereas before you would just chill out and wait. | ||
| Yeah, because you had to. | ||
| You didn't have the option to. | ||
| So now I feel like you have that option to be on your phone at all times, distract yourself. | ||
| I used to take a shit and, you know, I used to have a bathroom reader. | ||
| It was my favorite thing in the world. | ||
| It was little facts, like thousands of them in this fat book that you just, it was covered in shit stands everywhere. | ||
| But it was a fucking book you had in the bathroom and it was called Uncle John's Bathroom Reader and it was just basically Snapple facts about everything in the world and they had like 20 editions and it was the coolest thing in the world but now you have your cell phone so you don't need it. | ||
| Right, but how do you, there's like certain shit you want to know that's going on in the world. | ||
| So how do you check in on that? | ||
| Do you just do it from a computer? | ||
| Or like, when you want to read the news, like, I don't know, how do you get your news? | ||
| Oh, I'm on the laptop and on the phone all the time. | ||
| Yeah, and then I just tell these guys what they need to know. | ||
| You just get it straight from Dave. | ||
| Trump bad. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm on. | ||
| Rand Paul, decent guy. | ||
| Everyone bad really come down to it. | ||
| Taxes are theft. | ||
| Do you know that there's very few legit comics who are as knowledgeable? | ||
| Dave's a very valuable resource. | ||
| Very much so. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| He's literally the only person that I know that actually reads the books, puts in the time. | ||
| And it's kind of funny. | ||
| We say, where would people get their news? | ||
| They don't really get their news. | ||
| They read the headline, and then they act like they're getting their fucking news. | ||
| They're not putting in the time. | ||
| They're not reading the books. | ||
| They're not actually going and reading a real newspaper or reading legitimate. | ||
| What pisses me off about politics, I feel like it's the only thing where like if you don't like so if you don't know if Lewis doesn't watch basketball at all and Jay watches every single Sixers game and then there's like a thing coming up where you like something about a basketball game Lewis won't just like start arguing with you like nah nah nah they need to play this defense they need to go into a zone because you're like yeah I just I don't really know about that but for some reason with politics No matter how much anybody's not read anything, they don't know anything, they have no problem just having a hardcore, strong opinion. | ||
| It's because also you know about it, right? | ||
| So when someone's like super argumentative about it, like, oh, you're not even well informed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Which is most of the case with people that are really super aggressive about it. | ||
| It seems like... | ||
| I mean, dude, they had this thing where they were interviewing people at the fucking March for Life, I think they called it. | ||
| The gun control march. | ||
| How was that just now? | ||
| Well, no, they were like all over. | ||
| It was in a bunch of different cities. | ||
| We saw it, but it happened in a bunch of different... | ||
| I think the big ones were in D.C. I think there was one out here. | ||
| But there was this guy just interviewing people and he'd go around and ask them if they are for an assault weapons ban. | ||
| And they'd be like, yes. | ||
| And then he'd go, what's an assault weapon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's amazing how many people just didn't know. | |
| Whatever your take on an assault weapon ban is, it's like, how could you be for banning something that you can't even define? | ||
| It just seems bananas. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They know that this is what it does. | ||
| They know it's a rifle that shoots people. | ||
| It's like a semi-automatic. | ||
| It's not a hunting gun. | ||
| It's a rifle that's designed to shoot people. | ||
| Like in a military situation, that's what it looks like. | ||
| So they're wrong. | ||
| I mean, they don't know what an AR-15 versus an AR-whatever versus what's legal, what's semi-automatic. | ||
| They don't know all the details, but they do know that these are guns that you kill people with. | ||
| Okay, sure. | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| But I feel like there's a thing where they'll be like, well, I'm for a ban on semi-automatic weapons. | ||
| They'll be like, so you want to ban handguns too? | ||
| And they're like, no, we don't want to ban handguns. | ||
| And you're like, but lots of handguns are semi-automatic weapons. | ||
| It's just like, if you're going to protest, read a book on it. | ||
| It's not just having a passive opinion. | ||
| You're like out marching. | ||
| I think they want to move the ball down the field, though, and the more people that come out. | ||
| They have kids that are in the fifth grade walking out of their classrooms. | ||
| They don't fucking know what they're talking about or what they're doing there. | ||
| Hey, man, sometimes there's a girl with armpit hair you want to fuck. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| How many of these people... | ||
| Opinions you don't mean. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Or dirty. | ||
| Hairy feet. | ||
| Those girls with the hairy toes. | ||
| But how many of these kids... | ||
| This is a big one. | ||
| How many of these kids are against putting kids on psychotropic drugs? | ||
| Putting kids on unnecessary psychiatric medications? | ||
| Parents dope their kids up all the time because they don't want to deal with some hyperactive kid. | ||
| Some kid who's got some fucking power. | ||
| Some energy. | ||
| He wants to bounce off the walls. | ||
| I was in... | ||
| We were in Brea the other day. | ||
| Right before the show we did... | ||
| And there was a kid, I mean, the kid must have had autism or something, or some extreme case of it, but he was like, you know, he was having some sort of violent episode, I'm assuming, but it was just a dad, like, calm as day, just sitting on a corner with his kid, with the kid face down, as the kid's, like, screaming and shaking and kicking his arms and legs, and then I was just holding the kid down, and it was so hard to, like, I almost wanted to say something, like, I didn't know, I... They don't ever really tell you what's going on in that situation. | ||
| I kind of watched it for a minute because it looked like he was abusing the kid for a second, but then you kind of realize after, oh, this kid was going to hurt himself or whatever it was, but that's a really, really hard thing. | ||
| Yeah, I can accept more in the real extreme cases where kids have severe, severe problems, but it seems like they're just happy to anyone's hyperactive, just this kind of loose thing. | ||
| It's not a matter of all. | ||
| It's not a one or a zero, right? | ||
| It's like there's varying stages of issues that kids are going to have. | ||
| And some kids are going to need some kind of medication. | ||
| But they're definitely over-prescribing. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I knew my neighbor had a kid. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with him. | ||
| It's just a fucking kid. | ||
| And they put him on Ritalin. | ||
| You take Adderall as an adult. | ||
| Adderall is a drug, man. | ||
| It's not a drug. | ||
| I give it to my five-year-old. | ||
| We snort it together. | ||
| It's just, if people don't get enough attention or they don't have an outlet and they don't know what to do with themselves, they get wacky. | ||
| It doesn't mean you need to give them drugs. | ||
| Some of these people have legitimate issues and they probably do need medication. | ||
| And some of these people just need to find something that's interesting in life. | ||
| Yeah, well I think on what you were saying before about why don't these kids look into that stuff, I think a lot of times it's just like, people want the simple thing, and this is a really difficult question to get into this stuff, whereas if you're just like, oh, I'm against guns, that's easy. | ||
| I think it's the same thing as when people are just offended. | ||
| It's like you don't really have to read a lot, you don't have to know a lot. | ||
| It's just easy to be right, and you've got the answer. | ||
| It's laziness. | ||
| People can just pick a side very easily and go, cool, everyone's already defined what's on that side, so yeah, I'm on that side. | ||
| Look, I did my work, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it's the same thing with being a parent. | ||
| A lot of parents are really lazy, and you watch it happen when they give their kid an iPad or, you know, put them in front of the computer. | ||
| That whole thing just happened with Elsagate, which was, you know, borderline hilarious, that parents were getting trolled into their kids watching really fucked up cartoons and shit. | ||
| Yeah, Elsagate, I forgot the name of it. | ||
| That's the name of it. | ||
| Yeah, that was crazy. | ||
| We've talked about that a bunch of times, about the babies with the broken bottles over their head. | ||
| They kept having the same scene. | ||
| It would play out. | ||
| Kids would get drunk, whether they were kid mice or kid ducks. | ||
| They would get drunk. | ||
| A bottle would go flying through the air and hit the baby in the head and blood would be everywhere. | ||
| It was like a baby's nightmare. | ||
| Dude, those videos were so crazy. | ||
| Directed by baby David Lynch. | ||
| It was a punishment for shitty parents who weren't watching their kids and what they're putting on their TV. Because if you were just paying attention for a minute... | ||
| I'm saying right now, you have to stop paying attention for a couple hours for a kid to get there. | ||
| So it was only really shitty parents that were dealing with that. | ||
| Is that really true? | ||
| I... Dude, yeah, there's no way to land on that just by Googling Spider-Man. | ||
| That wasn't the first thing that was coming up. | ||
| I think they were paying to get in a loop of certain videos. | ||
| I was obsessed with it for like a week, and I just couldn't stop going onto that subreddit page. | ||
| And it was freaky, dude. | ||
| Then he went back to regular porn. | ||
| Yeah, there's Spiderman ones, and I think they took some of them down. | ||
| But then it gets to this place where you're like, okay, are you taking it down because it's targeting children? | ||
| Or are you taking it down because you can't show cartoon babies getting hit in the head with bottles? | ||
| Because if that's what you're saying, boy, there's a lot of fucking South Parks that you're not going to be able to show. | ||
| There's a lot of different things you're not going to be able to show. | ||
| So, yeah, is the line because you think this is, like, creepy? | ||
| And it's luring kids in, versus just the act, if it was a funny, you know, Tim and Eric sketch, and a cartoon baby got hit in the head with a bottle, you'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| These guys are nuts. | ||
| That's what you'd say. | ||
| But you wouldn't be, like, saying, this has got to be removed off of YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to actually define it. | ||
| What's the intention of it? | ||
| But you could easily say, like, oh, well, South Park is a cartoon, so is that appealing to kids? | ||
| But I think, to Lewis's point, the solution isn't that this shit needs to be banned. | ||
| The solution is just, like, let parents know. | ||
| That's probably always the solution with almost every single thing we talk about. | ||
| What's the other one we watched? | ||
| Oh, the father. | ||
| The father with the two kids, and it's really just creepy as shit. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| There's another one that the kids are watching that if you watch it for a second, you're like, this is all fucked up. | ||
| They pulled it off. | ||
| It was a dad and his channel. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I forget the name of the channel, but he had his two little girls who were probably seven and nine years old. | ||
| And they were doing, like, just kind of weird shit, dude. | ||
| They were, like, eating chocolate bars, and there'd be chocolate all over their face. | ||
| And, you know, they'd make weird sounds. | ||
| And they'd climb up, like, you know, stairs. | ||
| And they'd show it from, like, behind their butt. | ||
| And it was very fucking pedophilic. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| It was fucked up, dude. | ||
| And this guy's channel got taken down. | ||
| And the guy's, like, doing interviews. | ||
| Like, no, dude, whatever. | ||
| And also, millions of subscribers to the channel making tons of money, paying for his house with this channel. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And they shut the whole channel down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And what did he say when they interviewed him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I read something when it was just kind of like, yeah, we're trying to get our channel back. | ||
| And, you know, he was just like very innocent. | ||
| There was another thing the same. | ||
| I guess I'll fuck him on my own time. | ||
| I gotta go to Vimeo. | ||
| But the same, when we were talking about this stuff, there was moms. | ||
| They were regular mom bloggers, right? | ||
| And they'd bring their daughter to Kmart, right? | ||
| This is the channel, by the way. | ||
| YouTube terminates Toy Freaks channel amid broader crackdown on disturbing kids' content. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It is very, like what Jay said, it's a very David Lynch type vibe. | ||
| Like you feel like you're in some nightmare world where everyone's just acting not the right human way. | ||
| They had 8.5 million subscribers. | ||
| That's a sick ass cookie cake. | ||
| They have one of those gold plaques that you have? | ||
| Yeah, look at that shit. | ||
| Amongst the top most, 100 most viewed channels on YouTube. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| They all have pacifiers in their mouths. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking bizarre. | ||
| They somehow got to that level before... | ||
| Can we watch some of this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We can't show it. | ||
| We can't show it on TV. Can we watch it? | ||
| Is there a way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| We can not see it? | ||
| We're about to get rated. | ||
| You get what? | ||
| I'll find it. | ||
| You figure it out? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, don't... | ||
| The problem is, whenever we put something on YouTube that shouldn't be on YouTube, we get flagged. | ||
| No. | ||
| There was like mommy bloggers and they would like have a video of them and their daughter going to like the supermarket and there'd be like 500 views. | ||
| Yeah, don't do it, Jamie. | ||
| I was thinking if YouTube flags it. | ||
| I'm not planning it. | ||
| It's just for us to see it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So no one else could see it. | ||
| It's on another website. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| I'm sorry, Lewis, what? | ||
| Okay, so yeah, so then they do another, the same mommy blogger would do one called Bath Time, and she's like bathing her five-year-old. | ||
| And it's not anything like, more than her like sitting in the bathtub, but those videos were getting millions of views. | ||
| And then the mom would like disable the comments and turn off the thumbs up and the thumbs downs. | ||
| So they were just monetizing, you know, pedophiles jerking off to their daughters in the bathtub. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| It was, this is just like a whole subculture that was happening on YouTube that was sort of just nobody was really talking about it and they kind of made it go away. | ||
| It wasn't even a big deal. | ||
| So this, I'm watching this. | ||
| It's not disturbing at all. | ||
| It's just dumb. | ||
| They're just eating weird food and getting like whipped cream and ice cream and Cake and nachos all together? | ||
| Well, here's what happens. | ||
| Babies. | ||
| This is really targeted toward babies. | ||
| They like the colors. | ||
| So, what happens... | ||
| Like, they see these flashing crazy colors. | ||
| Them unpackaging candy and cake and eating cake. | ||
| And two-year-olds love this shit. | ||
| They keep on clicking on it. | ||
| But pedophiles are also jerking off to these girls putting chocolate bananas in their mouths. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So that was sort of the issue. | ||
| The parents will subscribe to whatever because they want to put their kid in front of a TV and have the TV babysit them. | ||
| But it was also another big part of the people who are watching this. | ||
| You see the comments, and sometimes the comments were encrypted in different languages, and they were using code words. | ||
| They're using that Pizzagate shit. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's all connected. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| If you make a big complaint, though, about something you have to draw a conclusion to, it really makes it seem like you're the person thinking that. | ||
| You're like, come on! | ||
| You don't think that's hot? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You wouldn't want to jerk off to this? | ||
| Come on, we're all jerking off to this thing. | ||
| Who didn't jerk off to that little girl eating a chocolate bar? | ||
| Was that a Cheeto with sour cream on it? | ||
| I'll jerk off to anybody eating that. | ||
| You're just in it for the food. | ||
| You're like, get these kids out of here. | ||
| Oh, are they a family? | ||
| I didn't notice. | ||
| When do you say what can and can't be on TV, though? | ||
| Or on video? | ||
| Or on, you know, when do you say... | ||
| They're going to, one day. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| But who's they, right? | ||
| Because we've all got this weird thing about free speech, because if it wasn't for free speech, we wouldn't be able to do anything. | ||
| Wouldn't be able to do podcasts. | ||
| Wouldn't be able to do comedy. | ||
| You'd get in trouble for everything. | ||
| It's very important to be able to express your ideas. | ||
| But what if those ideas are... | ||
| What if you're a pedophile? | ||
| What about that? | ||
| Are you allowed to do pedophile anime? | ||
| Where's the line? | ||
| And why are we able to draw that line? | ||
| If I draw a dick right now, when I will... | ||
| Here's a dick. | ||
| Now, if I say this is a four-year-old's dick... | ||
| Okay, there you go. | ||
| ...in my committing a crime. | ||
| Well, let me just say that four-year-old's got a big dick. | ||
| He's got a giant dick. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| That four-year-old's gonna be a happy man. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I'm gonna put a four-year-old pussy around it, so it'll be fine. | ||
| Too soon. | ||
| Yeah, but you raised a really good question. | ||
| It's like, I think the way it's working now is it's kind of whatever YouTube decides or Facebook decides. | ||
| And culturally we decide, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they'll have these kind of vague policy guidelines, but then you'll see some people violate it and it's not a problem. | ||
| But if it's a message that they don't like, then that seems to be the one that gets taken off. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Honestly, I would defend free speech toward anything. | ||
| I don't care what you're saying unless you're inciting violence. | ||
| Just legally speaking, I defend it like you've got to be allowed to say anything. | ||
| Even if it's like, I want to fuck kids or something that's really disgusting like that. | ||
| As long as you're not actually fucking kids, you're not doing anything. | ||
| What? | ||
| You gotta have free speech. | ||
| Do you think you should always employ your ability for free speech, though? | ||
| Like, sometimes just don't. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, no, of course. | ||
| There's lots of things you shouldn't say. | ||
| Well, yeah, in the workplace, it's different. | ||
| That's not like a park. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I think in our lifetime, there's gonna be words that are banned that you're not gonna be able to say in public spaces, like parks and shit like that. | ||
| You can't say parks? | ||
| I've got to ask Jamie to Google something. | ||
| What was that story recently where they were talking about child brides somewhere in some country where they were trying to allow people to be married as young as 11. And that up until recently they could do that. | ||
| They could be married as young as 11. Pennsylvania. | ||
| Yeah, it's a state. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| Is it a state? | ||
| No. | ||
| Sierra Leone. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's an article that just came up from yesterday. | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| It's definitely up in the states, too. | ||
| What age is it? | ||
| See, what I'm trying to say is like, this is obviously... | ||
| Sorry, there's actually another one for Missouri. | ||
| What's Missouri? | ||
| Two hours ago. | ||
| A bill to restrict child marriage in Missouri moves forward, it says. | ||
| Oh, I didn't see that one. | ||
| Child marriage in Missouri? | ||
| Yeah, because people are fighting for it. | ||
| They're like, my baby should be able to get married at 12 years old. | ||
| Yeah, once you get married, nobody's ever having sex anymore, so... | ||
| It's all the fucking parents' idea. | ||
| It's not little kids clamoring to get married. | ||
| Bill to restrict child marriage in Missouri moves forward. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| A 15-year-old. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The only state that requires only signature of one parent for a 15-year-old to marry. | ||
| Has made the state a popular destination for child brides. | ||
| Oh my god, that is so crazy. | ||
| Bring your child bride to the best child bride getaway! | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| In all of Missouri! | ||
| Well, in Missouri's defense, that's the only time they've ever been referred to as a popular destination, so they're doing what they can to attract tourists. | ||
| Yeah, that's dark. | ||
| That's dark. | ||
| That's those places where professions are like moss gathering and making some sort of sap juice. | ||
| You can't marry a 15-year-old, though. | ||
| They can marry each other. | ||
| I'd imagine it's statutory rape, right? | ||
| Yeah, it'd have to be. | ||
| You know, there was a state where male to female, the girl had to be 18. But male to male, the boy only had to be 13. Whoa. | ||
| That's a little bit too big of a gap. | ||
| It was one of the states where they were sending pedophiles. | ||
| The Catholic Church was sending pedophiles. | ||
| God, I want to say it's New Mexico. | ||
| I think New Mexico had some super fucking squirrely laws. | ||
| Hundreds of childhood brides in Arizona. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Arizona has child brides? | ||
| There's a bumfuck of every state. | ||
| I don't know how to Google this, because I think that is one of those states, I want to say it's New Mexico, but it might not have been, where the mail could be 13. Man, Jamie's computer is just going to have the most fucked up search history after this. | ||
| I need a new computer after this. | ||
| Where can I find a 13-year-old boy to marry? | ||
| What about male to female? | ||
| Shouldn't that be different? | ||
| Boy to girl, meaning woman to 14-year-old kid? | ||
| I think it's kind of different. | ||
| It's way different. | ||
| The dogma of there's no difference between the sexes or shit like that is ridiculous. | ||
| I definitely don't think, I'm not saying it's cool, but when you hear about some hot chick teacher who is fucking her teenage students, I definitely don't look at that the same way that I look at some dude who's fucking is teenage. | ||
| That's just a more fucked up The only thing that I look at it as, like, she's a little bit more fucked up because I don't ever talk to women that are like, oh, young dude, that's what I'm into. | ||
| And you talk to every dude behind the scenes like, oh yeah, 19-year-old chick, that'll be hot, you know? | ||
| She's definitely fucked up, but those women play very important roles in taking a young man's hand and leading them down the road of sexuality. | ||
| It's not, like, I got molested by a 21-year-old when I was 13. She was hot and it was great. | ||
| Period. | ||
| She grabbed my dick. | ||
| She made out with me. | ||
| I couldn't get a hard-on. | ||
| I was in full panic. | ||
| I couldn't believe I was making out with this lady. | ||
| Was she babysitting you? | ||
| No, she lived down the street. | ||
| Nice person. | ||
| She played softball with us. | ||
| That's what you called it? | ||
| Fucked a bunch of us. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And she was 21. And the thing is, man, she was pretty. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| She was fucked when she was a kid, I think. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I think it's always passed down from another generation. | ||
| No, you're probably right. | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| Thank your dad for me. | ||
| She was very nice. | ||
| She was very nice. | ||
| She was a fun person like she was fun to be around we all we all liked her but she fucked everybody yeah, so I just No, I didn't I didn't know she just just grabbed my dick like I said I couldn't even get it up I panicked but I didn't I mean they didn't even know what getting it up was like I think she was the first person ever kissed You didn't come back around to her, though, later to see where you stacked up in the hood? | ||
| No, we moved. | ||
| We moved. | ||
| We wound up moving to the next year, and I went to high school in a different part of town. | ||
| I was already jerking off for years at that point, so getting it up. | ||
| Like, I was literally jerking off from when I was, like, nine or eight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious! | |
| You started jerking off at nine? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I talk about it on my act. | ||
| I used to hunt teddy bears in, like, my pillows. | ||
| Is that the same as jerking off, though? | ||
| Because I did that, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, I don't think so. | |
| No, but then I would use my hand when I was, like, ten, and I remember... | ||
| I remember the transition of not coming anything to when I actually shot a liquid, and it was like I graduated in masturbation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, because I'd watched porn at that point. | ||
| But it's like an eighth grade graduation. | ||
| It's not the real graduated shit. | ||
| It's just kind of like, you know, we're trying to make him feel good about himself. | ||
| I didn't jerk off until after I'd had sex. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't start jerking off until after I had sex. | ||
| And I have no idea why. | ||
| Somewhere between 15 and 16. It might have been 16, it might have been 15. I'm not sure. | ||
| And you were like, I want to feel this again. | ||
| I don't have time to find a chick every time. | ||
| No, the thing is, when I started jerking off, I went, oh. | ||
| Like, this is what's going on. | ||
| Like, I'm a junkie. | ||
| Like, my body is, like, completely addicted to the idea of girls, right? | ||
| You're 17 years old, or whatever the fuck I was, 15 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your body is just like, girls, girls! | |
| But if you jerk off, it's like, oh, they're just... | ||
| It's just people. | ||
| Without this need for coming, then you'd like them based on their merits, their friendship, their personality. | ||
| I realized that literally when I was like 16 years old. | ||
| If I just jerked off, what I was willing to tolerate was so much less. | ||
| Well, dude, we were talking about the sex robots before, and if we kind of got off on it, if pedophiles should be able to fuck them, and you kind of think about that, dude. | ||
| They have that built-up pedophile full balls walking around, dude, just seeing kids at the park. | ||
| But are we just giving up on them? | ||
| There's no way to fix that? | ||
| I think they're a disease. | ||
| I think there's, like, a sickness. | ||
| I don't know if you could, like, I don't know if you're going to be able to fix them. | ||
| Well, you know, chemical castration and shit like that. | ||
| Dude, that's, like, crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the... | ||
| Like, there are people that have this inclination that would never act on it out of ethics and morals. | ||
| They don't want to fuck anybody up, which is also crazy. | ||
| It's like, wow. | ||
| Okay, so it's like some guy's got a nuclear suitcase and he's just walking around neighborhoods, just ready to detonate buildings. | ||
| And we just trust that he's never going to use it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's a weird thing to want. | ||
| Or if you can give him like a weird video game like your hunting video game and he can just blow up a building with a suitcase once in a while. | ||
| But here's the thing, like if he doesn't do anything, he's not a criminal. | ||
| Like if he has this thing and he fights this demon every day and he successfully slays it every day, who are we to come in and say, you shouldn't have these thoughts? | ||
| No, if anything, I look at that as probably it's somebody who was like abused as a child, has had a horrible life and isn't harming anybody else. | ||
| You almost kind of are like... | ||
| Honestly, it's chemical castration! | ||
| We gotta find the Dexter of terrorists, a terrorist who only terrorizes terrorists. | ||
| A pedophile who only goes after evil kids. | ||
| Kids who deserve to be molested. | ||
| And then he can leap to another city, like quantum leap. | ||
| What a crazy sickness that you can implant in someone's mind that if you can molest them, they will want to molest others. | ||
| Vampires. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| It really is like a vampire thing. | ||
| Do not invite a pedophile into your home. | ||
| Dude, it probably is where it comes from, right? | ||
| Stealing your joy. | ||
| Sucking the life out of your family unless some guy fucks your kids. | ||
| Just being violent in general, I think, is like that. | ||
| I think most people who are, like, not violent in, like, the criminal sense, not in, like, you know, being, like, in martial arts or something like that, but, like, people who, like, you know, assault and kill and fucking shit like that, it's, like, I think 99% of the time they were fucking beaten as a child. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| The bully always has a dad who kicks his ass type thing. | ||
| But those guys can go play a video game where they shoot people in the fucking head and they get off on that and pedophiles don't have that same type of outlet that those guys have. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| We look at pedophiles as almost being worse than murder. | ||
| Somebody wants to commit murder, we understand. | ||
| It kind of is worse than murder in a weird way. | ||
| I got a five-year-old. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, dude. | ||
| Is it worse than somebody killing him? | ||
| No. | ||
| Don't make it him. | ||
| Make it just a dude. | ||
| It's still crazy. | ||
| Stop dressing him so sexy. | ||
| That's fair piece of advice. | ||
| You blue-haired son of a bitch. | ||
| I was like, who is making this sexy clothes for five-year-olds, by the way? | ||
| Have you guys ever been to one of those beauty pageants? | ||
| Never been to one. | ||
| For little tiny kids? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| No, I've seen videos online and shit. | ||
| Me and Diaz and Duncan were in Dallas once. | ||
| We were working at the Addison Improv, and while we were in Dallas, in our hotel, they had this childhood beauty pageant. | ||
| It was the craziest shit you've ever seen in your life. | ||
| I'm talking about five-year-olds with full makeup and dresses. | ||
| They're dressed like a woman with high heels. | ||
| They're walking around in high heels, these little tiny kids. | ||
| I mean high fucking heels, like, come fuck me, pumps. | ||
| Like, it's crazy looking at them. | ||
| And you're looking at these, like, super dolled up. | ||
| That's essentially the JonBenet Ramsey story, right? | ||
| You know, when JonBenet Ramsey, when they did an autopsy on her, they found out that she had been sexually active. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And she was, what, seven or something like that? | ||
| She had calluses on her palms. | ||
| How old was she when they killed her? | ||
| It was something like seven. | ||
| They don't even know who killed her. | ||
| Some say it was the dad. | ||
| Some say it was someone else. | ||
| The brother. | ||
| The brother looks weird for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The brother sued. | |
| He said that story's horseshit. | ||
| He's like, you guys are monsters. | ||
| My sister was fucking killed and you're blaming me and I didn't do a goddamn thing. | ||
| Well, he should really be upset at God because it doesn't look more like a guy who fucked and killed his sister. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, he's odd looking for sure. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| Imagine growing up your whole life knowing that someone fucked and killed your sister. | ||
| Yeah, he's got crazy big eyes. | ||
| Yeah, no, I'm sure. | ||
| He's probably jealous too because they gave her more attention the whole time. | ||
| It's like, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. | ||
| Up to the end. | ||
| My favorite theory is the brother did it by accident and the parents tried to cover it up. | ||
| But that's just my favorite documentary answer. | ||
| They connected the handwriting. | ||
| They were trying to connect the handwriting of the ransom note or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| Whatever note was left behind. | ||
| There was a note left behind. | ||
| And they said it was really similar to the mother's handwriting. | ||
| I don't think they made a conclusive decision about that. | ||
| But that's like, what if you have normal handwriting, somebody else has normal handwriting, and they kill your kid? | ||
| And now people think you killed your kid because you write normal. | ||
| You gotta defend the fact that you put a little curve on the end of your R. How good is that handwriting shit? | ||
| I mean, is it that good? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| And then also you can find a handwriting expert that if you pay them enough they'll say that it's not. | ||
| That's all like bullshit. | ||
| It depends on whoever you get. | ||
| But there's got to be some science behind it. | ||
| There must be. | ||
| If you've ever seen them analyze, I've seen on documentaries how they analyze it. | ||
| They loop it that way, the same way, it's all at the same angles. | ||
| But they will use that in courts, right? | ||
| But I don't think it's substantial evidence. | ||
| It's like polygraphs. | ||
| There's some science to it, but you can't get convicted off that shit. | ||
| I would believe anybody that passed a polygraph test I think you'd see it up on the screen up there. | ||
| There's JonBenet Ramsey, Jon Ramsey's Ransom Note, and Patti Ramsey. | ||
| And you watch how she writes, and you watch how Patsy Ramsey writes, and you're like, oh yeah. | ||
| She didn't even try to hide it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, she writes the same way. | ||
| The H's are the same if you look at the little hook on the end of the H. Yeah, well, look at the size of the A's and the C's. | ||
| They're very uniform in size. | ||
| From hers to the ransom note, but very different than John's. | ||
| Like, it's her handwriting. | ||
| Like, now I see it. | ||
| She killed her. | ||
| You just have those words. | ||
| We solved it. | ||
| It looks, I mean, it really, really looks like she wrote that note. | ||
| So the Patsy Ramsey ransom note in the middle is the one where she said, look, it's not my handwriting. | ||
| Is that what they're saying? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They made her write the ransom note. | ||
| She's like, look, I don't write like that. | ||
| She started to stab her in the paper with a pen. | ||
| I don't even know what you're talking about. | ||
| She had putted the sheet of paper. | ||
| Yeah, they said, here's some words. | ||
| We'd like you to write them out. | ||
| And she wrote them out. | ||
| Pretty much exactly the same way. | ||
| I mean, she didn't even try to hide it. | ||
| That is crazy, dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Now I get it. | ||
| I'm sure if we had an expert in here, he'd explain that there's some sort of science behind it. | ||
| That house, I lived in Boulder nine fucking years ago, and that house is still for sale. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They can't sell it. | ||
| It's a nice house. | ||
| They can't sell that house. | ||
| They changed the name of the street, dude. | ||
| Like Trent Reznor or Marilyn Manson doesn't want to buy it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You get rock stars or really weird, essential people that want to have something like that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Nobody wants to buy a house where a kid was killed. | ||
| Good enough deal. | ||
| How expensive is it? | ||
| It's a good deal. | ||
| Not a great deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a good deal, but you might be able to negotiate down a great deal. | |
| I see your podcast studio, Mike, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I might buy that house. | |
| I know. | ||
| You imagine a crazy, like, you're on the middle of the show and you see, like, things behind you moving around. | ||
| Ghosts. | ||
| You know, that's the thing about the Comedy Store podcast. | ||
| Down that basement. | ||
| Millions of people have been killed in that basement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was like Bugsy Siegel's place. | |
| That was Ciro's nightclub. | ||
| So, like, for sure, if you're gonna kill somebody, you kill them in the basement, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many guys do you think they killed in that basement? | ||
| Bugsy Siegel with a nightclub on Sunset. | ||
| For sure, a gang of people got killed. | ||
| I think there's probably a bunch of people killed since it's been the Comedy Store. | ||
| Well, there's probably been... | ||
| Well, we know there's one that was a murder that took place. | ||
| In the basement? | ||
| On the front patio. | ||
| Oh, the front patio. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was on my way there that night. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great alibi, Jay. | ||
| I was on my way. | ||
| You know it. | ||
| I was on my way there. | ||
| Me and Luis Gomez. | ||
| Here's a picture of me holding a newspaper in a car near a street sign many miles away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like this. | |
| Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Just get it right for the press release. | ||
| Get it effing right. | ||
| Yeah, whenever some reason a documentary comes out about an old thing that I've heard a thousand things about, I'll still watch them again. | ||
| I got way deep into Charles Manson again. | ||
| But I was going to say, Charles Manson was, people have bought those houses for sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool in a weird way. | ||
| The Amityville house is sold over and over again. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, they haven't marketed that fucking house the right way because they could get some weirdo to buy it easily. | ||
| I think that Amityville horror house though is bullshit. | ||
| Nothing ever really happened there, right? | ||
| It depends on what documentary you want. | ||
| Some people are like, the whole thing's fake. | ||
| I mean, it's probably all fake. | ||
| I think it's kind of bullshit. | ||
| I think they just sort of concocted it for that movie. | ||
| I went to see that movie. | ||
| I was scared out of my fucking mind. | ||
| I was thinking, oh my god, these people, they bought this house and it's haunted. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| What if that was us? | ||
| When you were a little kid, you believed that shit. | ||
| But then you found out what based on true events means. | ||
| I heard a weird creak in the middle of the night. | ||
| Bees came out of your toilet? | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| I'm going to go ahead and change that. | ||
| Remember that the bees came at you. | ||
| The walls started bleeding. | ||
| I grew up so poor that, like, just the idea of buying a house. | ||
| I was watching those movies. | ||
| I was like, I don't know. | ||
| What do you want me to say, guys? | ||
| I'm renting. | ||
| We're on Section 8. I would fucking deal with the ghosts to own something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Were you scared of a few ghosts? | ||
| What have ghosts ever done? | ||
| They never killed anybody. | ||
| What happened to Fred? | ||
| Fucking ghosts killed him. | ||
| It's just like no one's ever died from a ghost. | ||
| Yeah, it's always like they moved a toy car like across a table or something like that. | ||
| I need to get past that shit. | ||
| My roommate, back when I was like 21, my buddy Jimmy Dottilio, me and him got a Ouija board once. | ||
| We said, alright, we're going to find out if this is bullshit. | ||
| And he's like, you're not going to move it, right? | ||
| And I go, I'm not going to move it. | ||
| I go, you're not going to move it? | ||
| He goes, I'm not going to move that fucking thing. | ||
| He goes, we're going to find out if this is bullshit. | ||
| And we sat around for like an hour and 45 minutes with this fucking stupid Ouija board asking questions And it wasn't even budget It wasn't even budget at the end of it my friend Jimmy folds everything up stuffs it in a garbage bag goes I'm taking this piece of shit out to the trash right now Fuck this. | ||
| I mean, people convince themselves of everything. | ||
| You know, they'll start moving that thing. | ||
| Oh my god, it's going to the A! I can't believe it's the N! And the D! It's telling us something! | ||
| Andy! | ||
| From beyond the grave! | ||
| Oh, Andy's calling us! | ||
| It's like the same shit as that fake martial arts where they're using air to fucking knock you down. | ||
| They all just convince that it's the same shit. | ||
| Do you think the people that, uh... | ||
| That prey on them are predators? | ||
| Do you think, like, the people who go, I'm talking to you? | ||
| They're idiots, too. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Are they idiots or are they pieces of shit? | ||
| They're both. | ||
| You got pieces of shit that some of them are just con artists, some of them are idiots who are as fooled by it as what they're teaching. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| I mean, that's Sylvia Brown. | ||
| Wasn't she the one... | ||
| That told the girls they found in Cleveland, like told one of her parents, like she's moved on to a better place now. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Like, stop looking for her. | ||
| Your daughter was dead and she was in a fucking... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| She made them stop looking for her. | ||
| How different is that than religion, though? | ||
| So, you know, I can sit there and the person that's doing that on a dumb fucking stage... | ||
| It's more personal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because religion, you're basically projecting these ancient stories, right? | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| You're giving lessons in these ancient stories. | ||
| But when you're actually doing it to a single person, that seems way worse, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's very focused. | ||
| And also religion, people get... | ||
| There are good intentions sometimes to people doing it. | ||
| They just want to follow tradition and stuff, or you grow up that way and you just kind of like... | ||
| But I mean, no, that's predatory. | ||
| You're looking for someone to make money by explaining the worst possible thing about their life. | ||
| In terms of, is it truth? | ||
| They're both equally probably, you know, like, bullshit. | ||
| But one is directly targeting and fucking with somebody. | ||
| And religion's also probably killed millions and millions and millions of people, and these people are just fucking duping a few idiots out of their money. | ||
| They're duping a lot of idiots, but those idiots deserve to be duped. | ||
| I mean, look, wounded antelopes should not go to the waterhole. | ||
| That's just how it goes. | ||
| You get jacked. | ||
| Everything is an antelope analogy with you, Joe. | ||
| Well, these are dumbasses. | ||
| It always works. | ||
| They're supposed to get taken out. | ||
| Did you watch the documentary An Honest Liar about the amazing Randy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Who would go pick apart those televangelists and interrupt their frequency and expose their tricks? | ||
| Well, he's one of the... | ||
| Yuri Geller, he just tried to end him. | ||
| That's a leap of faith with Steve Martin. | ||
| That's the entire plot. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| It's all based off of it. | ||
| They try to intercept that signal. | ||
| But he did it with a lot of things. | ||
| Yuri Geller, the bending spoons guy, made him go away for about 20 years. | ||
| Well, he's got this million dollar challenge. | ||
| And I believe, look up the Randy challenge. | ||
| It's to show him any evidence of any sort of telekinetic powers or psychic abilities, any measurable psychic abilities. | ||
| And you can win a million bucks. | ||
| Because nobody can show shit. | ||
| Well, he did a thing. | ||
| He did a study, I believe, at Princeton University. | ||
| They gave him all this money to have these guys come. | ||
| And he hired three other magicians. | ||
| And it was to have them come sit there for days and try to figure out how to do this crazy telekinetic thing. | ||
| And then they ended up doing it. | ||
| And there was a big press conference. | ||
| And he was like, they're all magicians. | ||
| There's no telekinesis. | ||
| And he just showed it was a trick they all did. | ||
| And they got like... | ||
| Some of those guys are fucking incredible. | ||
| When I did that show, Joe Rogan Questions Everything, we did an episode on psychics, and we got this guy named Banachek, and he's a Vegas magician. | ||
| He's a wizard, dude. | ||
| He does all the spoon-bending shit in front of you, and you know what it is, man? | ||
| I mean, Hugh didn't explain it to me. | ||
| I had to go and Google it. | ||
| It's not really the same metal. | ||
| It's some metal that if you just heat it up by moving your hands back and forth, it just bends. | ||
| I used to want to be a magician as a kid. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| And if you take a cheap enough spoon and you literally just... | ||
| You could bend it a few times and it'll just look straight. | ||
| That's one of the tricks where you'll just use your finger and you make it melt But this is a very specific kind of metal that you can do this to. | ||
| It's like, you know how aluminum is like super weak? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like in some forms, not like car frame forms, but in some forms, not alloys. | ||
| But aluminum, it's like it scratches easier. | ||
| It's like there's metals that are like, or lead I was thinking of. | ||
| Lead scratches easier. | ||
| It's the kind of metal that's pliable. | ||
| You can bite into a gold coin, right? | ||
| You can actually see teeth marks. | ||
| That's how people knew that gold was real. | ||
| This shit, you just rub your fingers and it just droops. | ||
| It just gives in. | ||
| I spent like... | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| No, you. | ||
| I think you guys are handling this remarkably well for four microphones. | ||
| Legion of Skanks podcast, that would have never happened in a million years. | ||
| It was just sort of us screaming at each other, calling each other faggot for the next five minutes. | ||
| We're on our best behavior right now. | ||
| We're being so respectful right now. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| This is church Sunday for us. | ||
| After you. | ||
| Faggots first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| No, I'm just saying, can you imagine, like, pre-science, how much people got freaked out by people who, like, knew magic or knew, like, some type of sleight of hand like that, when you can't fucking Google. | ||
| You can't Google that, oh, there's a different type of metal that you can burn, and they're just like, he is communicating with the gods! | ||
| There's no other answer. | ||
| Are you ready? | ||
| Those people that know how to ask you questions that are leading you into telling them the answers. | ||
| There's techniques to that. | ||
| I talked to Penn Jillette about that once, and he was explaining to me how when someone talks to you, they get you to give them the answer, and then they say the answer, and it makes them look like a wizard. | ||
| But they've gone through these patterns so many times. | ||
| I mean, how many people have problems with their dad? | ||
| How many people have a brother that died? | ||
| How many people... | ||
| You know, they're like, there's someone missing. | ||
| Who is it? | ||
| Oh, it's my brother. | ||
| Yes, I see. | ||
| I see. | ||
| And this is not a good thing. | ||
| No, he died in a car accident. | ||
| Yes, I see. | ||
| I see that he loves you. | ||
| And he misses you. | ||
| And he's very sad that he didn't get to say goodbye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the guy starts crying. | |
| And then he comes home and goes, dude, she knew about my brother. | ||
| No! | ||
| No, you fucking dummy! | ||
| You knew about your brother! | ||
| If she was a psychic, she'd tell you about some shit that hasn't happened. | ||
| She's telling you about some shit you already know because you're a dumbass and you're playing checkers with a lady who's playing chess on you. | ||
| My friend who I stay with when I'm out here has a very good friend who's a psychic medium. | ||
| He's a very nice guy, but she really wants to believe in him so much. | ||
| The way he does it is an entertaining thing. | ||
| And she's like, you don't believe it at all? | ||
| I go, here's why I don't believe it. | ||
| If you have fucking powers, and then also, like, you know, you go to Target because you need shampoo. | ||
| I don't know, it seems like it would be a burden to live with, the gift of magic powers. | ||
| And then you're just like, oh yeah, I'll swing by McDonald's, I'm a little hungry for a snack. | ||
| It all stems from us walking around going, wouldn't it be much easier if I knew exactly what was going to happen, I knew who these people, who's good and who's bad. | ||
| Wouldn't that be better? | ||
| Everybody has that feeling, but nobody has those abilities. | ||
| So you go on knowledge and instincts and life experience, and you compile it all together. | ||
| And some people are really good at it, and some people suck at it. | ||
| And the people that suck at it, they go to someone else for advice. | ||
| And one of the ways they go to advice is that lady with the neon sign. | ||
| Psychic. | ||
| Oh, look at the palm. | ||
| She must be a magician. | ||
| And you go in there, and this lady fleeces you. | ||
| I see that in New York City. | ||
| I walk down the street. | ||
| There's a psychic who has a window of storefront. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's got a palm glowing in the window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By my house. | |
| And you're like... | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| How are you affording the fucking rent here? | ||
| They get a bunch of suckers. | ||
| And the one thing about suckers is, if they're good, if you have a good connection with that sucker, that sucker wants to come back next week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The sucker wants to keep coming to you. | ||
| Look, we have to discuss this. | ||
| Can you be here Thursday? | ||
| It's also part of their job. | ||
| They're salespeople. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, Thursday. | |
| Thursday's no problem. | ||
| And then this fucking dork, he's all excited about Thursday. | ||
| On Thursday, the madam is going to tell me exactly what's going to happen in the future of my company. | ||
| And this fucking dude should have gotten taken out by a hyena. | ||
| A hyena should have clipped his ankles, dragged him into the bushes, and they all would have jumped out of nowhere and mauled this fucking asshole because he didn't listen to anybody. | ||
| But no! | ||
| We need to have him because he survived in this nerfed up world. | ||
| Yes, nature had an answer for this guy, but then the one smart guy who was supposed to survive invented some shit and then told everyone else about it. | ||
| And now these idiots have that invention. | ||
| I remember like an old bit of yours where you touched on this. | ||
| I really fucking love that joke where you're like, when you realize there's no such thing as adults. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like everyone else. | ||
| That was a real moment with me. | ||
| Like, because people, but that's what it is, is that none of us really know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| We all like to comfort ourselves by thinking we know what's going on. | ||
| And then if someone else can convince you they kind of know what's going on, it's like, we look for that. | ||
| Like, we're like, oh, thank God, I found someone now. | ||
| Now I know what's going on. | ||
| But we're all full of shit. | ||
| Most people are followers, that's what it is. | ||
| We should look at psychics like we look at coyotes. | ||
| They take out the dummies. | ||
| They get into the system, they find cracks, they expose weakness. | ||
| And dummies hang out with dummies, right? | ||
| I'm sure the referral business in the psychic world is everything, dude. | ||
| Oh, and everybody wants to think that they have the person. | ||
| Oh my god, she is amazing. | ||
| She knows so much about me. | ||
| She's four foot six. | ||
| First of all, when I knew her, when I walked in the room, she touched both my shoulders, and I knew her for my whole life. | ||
| It's that incredible. | ||
| She's that incredible. | ||
| And they all want to convince themselves that this fucking crazy bitch that they keep paying money to isn't just lying to them. | ||
| That's right, because it's not just that you're being conned. | ||
| It's like you're the accomplice in the con. | ||
| You want the con, so you're helping. | ||
| You're conning yourself. | ||
| That's those Kung Fu videos. | ||
| Those guys want to be conned by this touch. | ||
| And the guy goes flying across the room. | ||
| They want to be sucked into that. | ||
| There's something in it for you, too. | ||
| I've been working with this master. | ||
| No problem, Dave. | ||
| I always make the sidekick do Otome Brown. | ||
| And I just pretend my ex-wife is dead and I want to make love to her. | ||
| What's that one? | ||
| You remember from Ghosts, Otome Brown pretended to be Patrick Swayze and they made out with Demi Moore? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoopi Goldberg? | |
| But they wouldn't show Whoopi making out with... | ||
| They should have. | ||
| They should have been leaning in and then it turned into Patrick Swayze. | ||
| Which was weak shit. | ||
| Realistically, Whoopi Goldberg was fucking French and hard with Demi Moore. | ||
| Imagine making that movie today. | ||
| How would we go about that? | ||
| Whoopi Goldberg now? | ||
| I'm too heavy. | ||
| It would just be all chicks. | ||
| Patrick Swayze is a chick too. | ||
| That's the reboot. | ||
| Ronda Rousey is Sam and Ghost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They could remake that movie. | ||
| They probably will one day. | ||
| They definitely could. | ||
| They could remake anything, it seems. | ||
| They're doing some shitty ones coming up soon. | ||
| I'm trying to remember what they are, but there's some real, like, it's too soon. | ||
| Why would you remake something that just happened? | ||
| There's not enough Transformers for my liking. | ||
| I'd like a few more of those, please. | ||
| Yeah, they really thought that was gonna... | ||
| It was so cool, the first one. | ||
| When they made that truck turn into that fucking robot, it was the coolest thing I've ever seen on the screen. | ||
| They're making some money. | ||
| They're making some money because they keep coming out. | ||
| They're making a fucking shit ton of money. | ||
| It's like when the Fast and the Furious 89 came out. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| How many of they have? | ||
| It's a number one movie. | ||
| I've never watched more than 14 minutes of one of these movies. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Did you ever hear Vin Diesel talk about... | ||
| The movie was like the reverence where he's like, we made a multicultural movie that showed races working together to get along. | ||
| You're like, dude, it's just about like bikini. | ||
| It's Maxim Magazine, man. | ||
| It's Fast Cars and Bikini Tits. | ||
| You've made $1.163 billion. | ||
| That's the last one. | ||
| That was just laughing. | ||
| Oh, just the last one! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And the budget was $250 million. | ||
| Wow, so they made three quarters of a mil solid. | ||
| What is the budget on? | ||
| It's not even fucking crazy. | ||
| It's cars driving fast. | ||
| You got ludicrous. | ||
| That's going to cost you 50 mil out of the gates. | ||
| You must have a lot of special effects budget. | ||
| That shit's expensive. | ||
| You want to launch cars through the air? | ||
| The stuff that they do is fucking insane. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how much of it's CGI and how much of it they're really doing with cars, but as a person who loves muscle cars, it hurts my heart watching those cars get fucking launched through the air. | ||
| There's so many of these! | ||
| They only made so many 1969 Chargers, right? | ||
| So they're destroying them. | ||
| Like the Dukes of Hazzard. | ||
| How many fucking chargers did they wreck for the Dukes of Hazzard? | ||
| Launching them across a bridge, landing them nose down. | ||
| You see the car bend, and they drive away like nothing's happening. | ||
| Isn't that how Lewis felt about Milo and Otis? | ||
| Didn't they kill like 15 Milos? | ||
| Dude, it's so funny. | ||
| That movie, do you remember the movie Milo and Otis? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I never saw it, though. | ||
| Pug Nose Pop, Little Orange Cat. | ||
| Fucking great flick, dude. | ||
| I gotta be honest with you. | ||
| I don't think it holds up. | ||
| And for the amount of pugs and kittens that died during the making of this film, you have to watch it because otherwise they died in vain. | ||
| It was another movie that was made in Japan or China or somewhere in Asia, and they didn't give a fuck. | ||
| There was no laws on how you treated cats and dogs in that country. | ||
| They didn't care how you treated humans back there. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| So there's like a scene where the dog is fighting off a bear, and this bear... | ||
| I mean, they must have just went through 30 pugs with this bear scene alone, but there's no confirmed numbers of deaths, but there was like a bunch of kittens. | ||
| When you watch the movie, you're like, oh man, how did they get that dog to fight with that bear? | ||
| And it's like, well, we lost like 300 dogs that day. | ||
| That's how we did it. | ||
| Jesus Christ, really? | ||
| They fucking... | ||
| a bunch of them. | ||
| There's a scene where he's in the water, like swimming. | ||
| In the box. | ||
|
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|
In the box. | |
| Yeah, and they drown. | ||
| Just drowning. | ||
| Eight of them right there. | ||
| How many dogs died? | ||
| We looked it up one time, I forget. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| I know Dudley Moore narrated it, though. | ||
| Eight dogs died? | ||
| I think it was like eight in that scene. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Jesus Christ, that is so crazy. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I'm looking at an elk's head behind you. | ||
| Do you know how much more value that elk has than a puppy? | ||
| Why do we put so much... | ||
| More value on a puppy's life versus that elk's life. | ||
| Cause they're cute. | ||
| They're cute. | ||
| That's the answer. | ||
| Cute privilege. | ||
| But like, you'll swap the shit out of a mosquito. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even vegans. | ||
| Vegans will swap mosquitoes. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| And they'll kill plants, which are living, right? | ||
| I only care about humans and dogs. | ||
| Elk won't lick peanut butter off your dick. | ||
| I like cats too. | ||
| I do enjoy cats. | ||
| I never liked cats, but then my girlfriend brought her mom's cat to live with us for a little bit and I got attached to that fucking cat. | ||
| Fiance. | ||
| All the other animals, I love them in the wild. | ||
| I just love them and their environment. | ||
| Look, it is a weird thing that we've gotten totally accustomed to, that you could just get out of this studio right now, you could drive 15, 20 minutes over Topanga Canyon, get out of your car, walk 300 yards into the woods, and you're just living with animals eating animals. | ||
| You are basically in another dimension. | ||
| There's eagles, and there's not too many eagles, but a lot of hawks that fly around. | ||
| They're just constantly looking for some shit to jack. | ||
| And if you're there at the right time, you can see it happen. | ||
| You can see a coyote snatch a rabbit or, you know, different animals just constantly looking for something else to eat. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're so removed from it. | ||
| But we're not, right? | ||
| Well, you put yourself out there. | ||
| And that's a big difference between New York and L.A. L.A. is like this city where there's beautiful nature within it. | ||
| New York's just the city, and then you've got to leave to go to any beautiful nature. | ||
| So it's almost like you can be... | ||
| But I mean, just the fact that you go to a grocery store, and my relationship with animals is like, there's a steak. | ||
| Let me pick it up and buy it. | ||
| And it's none of the like, oh, this came from fucking killing a cow. | ||
| You ever go to Malibu? | ||
| You ever go to Malibu? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's places in Malibu that are like ranches. | ||
| Malibu is really long. | ||
| I think it's something like 30 something miles of coast. | ||
| And along the way, like up in the hill, there's like alpaca farms and shit like that. | ||
| And that shit, you could just get in your car and then boom, you're in LA. And then get in your car, boom, you're in the alpaca farm. | ||
| That nature you're describing, though, scares the shit. | ||
| Like, I'd have to do that with a hamster ball. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| They're going to show the dog killed the bear. | ||
| No, this is the movie, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is from the movie. | |
| This is from the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But this is... | |
| They're actually having that bear kill that dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Well, in the movie, the dog fights off the bear. | ||
| I know, but that's so crazy. | ||
| That they allowed this. | ||
| They have to use 12 of them to get through? | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Stunt dog. | ||
| You assume, like, you're just like, oh man, they must have had the best animal trainers. | ||
| Like, nope. | ||
| We threw a dog versus a bear until it worked out. | ||
| God, that's so crazy. | ||
| Imagine what the fucking pugs looked like, too. | ||
| After bears just ripped him apart. | ||
| My buddy John, John Dudley, saw a bear. | ||
| He saw a grizzly bear kill a moose with one swat. | ||
| He said he had never seen anything like it. | ||
| He was looking through his binos and he saw this bear swat this moose in the back and it just broke its back. | ||
| And the moose just goes down. | ||
| A moose! | ||
| Moose are so big. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| They're so big, man. | ||
| And he said this grizzly just fucking swatted it, and they saw it happen. | ||
| And they're so powerful that swatting it in the back broke its back. | ||
| And the thing went down, and then he's just ripping it apart. | ||
| One of my favorite pranks to play with my friends is I send them a video, and I say, watch this deer. | ||
| He's got a moose by the neck just dragging it through the woods. | ||
| Those fucking animals, dude. | ||
| Everyone's looking for monsters. | ||
| There's a goddamn monster. | ||
| That thing just killed a moose and dragged it through the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey. | |
| Hey, bear. | ||
| One of my favorite pranks to plant people is I send them an email and I say, check out this video of this deer beating up this bear. | ||
| And then there's a famous video of a bear just killing a deer in a backyard. | ||
| And the deer is making the most awful, horrible sound you'll ever hear in your entire life. | ||
| Lewis goes, the deer makes a comeback. | ||
| Wait for it. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, wait for it. | ||
| And just gets people to watch the video thing. | ||
| And they just watched two minutes of this deer being mauled alive with the most horrible sound. | ||
| And then I just let it go. | ||
| That's the whole prank. | ||
| I was hoping there was like a dude's dick somewhere in there. | ||
| To be fair, most of Lewis's pranks do have a dude's dick in it somewhere. | ||
| But this one is just bear on deer. | ||
| That's how it goes. | ||
| Bears are different than other animals in that they eat. | ||
| A lot of shit. | ||
| They eat a lot of berries, eat a lot of plants, and they also eat animals, whatever they get a hold of. | ||
| So they don't kill the animal first. | ||
| They're also real sturdy. | ||
| They're not like a cat. | ||
| Like, cats are really powerful, but cats are more flexible and pliable. | ||
| A bear's more of just a fucking machine. | ||
| A bear's more of like a... | ||
| Cats are like Hoist Gracie. | ||
| A bear's Dan Henderson. | ||
| He's just coming in there throwing overhand rights. | ||
| Patting people on the back. | ||
| Melvin Manhoof, just a powerhouse. | ||
| Are you calling Dan Henderson a hairy gay guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It's a different kind of bear, bro. | ||
| Oh, nature bears. | ||
| You've got to say nature bears for me. | ||
| Don't try to get me in trouble with Dan Henderson. | ||
| I imagine it's more like Brock, because I remember when Frank Mir described Brock on top of him, it was like a car that was slowly moving onto him, and he couldn't push it off. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Imagine a bear is on you, and you're just sitting there like, dude, it's got my shoulder blade, and it's just gnawing at my shoulder blade, and I know I'm going to die. | ||
| Nothing you can do. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Do you think the adrenaline would kick in where you wouldn't feel the pain, or do you think it would be the most horrible fucking... | ||
| You definitely wouldn't feel it. | ||
| You would feel it, it would hurt, but you would be so terrified of death, and you'd be so overwhelmed with all these fucking neurochemicals to be flying through your synapses. | ||
| You'd be out of your mind. | ||
| You'd feel the pressure that it's happening. | ||
| There would be so much adrenaline, you'd be in another dimension before you knew it. | ||
| That's probably the trigger. | ||
| That seems like the worst way to die. | ||
| There's a guy who got bit real bad and came back and had a video. | ||
| He did a selfie and talked about what happened. | ||
| He was just walking, hiking down a trail, scouting, and he came across a female grizzly and her cubs, which is the worst scenario. | ||
| A male grizzly doesn't really... | ||
| Unless he's really old and it's really late in the season, usually they'll just get the fuck away from you. | ||
| But the females will fuck you up. | ||
| And this female fucked him up and tore his scalp right off of his skull. | ||
| And he had it, like, packed down with a baseball hat. | ||
| Like, try to hold it in place. | ||
| And his arm snapped and he had big bite marks in his arm. | ||
| But this guy was like a Montana dude. | ||
| Like, you know, Montana tough. | ||
| So he's like, well, vitals are intact. | ||
| My arm might be broken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what's going on up there, but hey, we're doing alright. | |
| They're like, holy shit. | ||
| Some fucking yoga teacher in LA would be like, I can't find my safe space! | ||
| I can't find my safe space! | ||
| There he is. | ||
| See, he packed down his head. | ||
| The grizzly with two cubs, you can barely see, but the right side of his ear, his head is basically... | ||
| Ripped apart. | ||
| I'll save my watch though. | ||
| He put the hat on to make himself like... | ||
| Oh my Christ! | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Some bitch never got my daddy's watch. | ||
| He drove himself to a hospital after walking three miles to his car. | ||
| That's a fucking man! | ||
| I'll be damned if I'm not going to get the gosh darn best Facebook Live video out of this. | ||
| Look at the size of the hole in his head. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Motherfuck. | ||
| He's smiling in the picture. | ||
| Because he's a fucking Montana dude. | ||
| They're different humans. | ||
| Do you remember the bear with the karate suit guy and he just fucking... | ||
| Knocks out the lady. | ||
| In one of your specials you have a joke about that. | ||
| He remembers that he's the bear. | ||
| He just tears this bitch apart. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| And the other guy with the karate uniform is trying to get the bear off of him. | ||
| He just decided out of nowhere. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| He just decided out of nowhere that he was going to fuck that lady up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bubbles? | |
| Bubbles! | ||
| Bubbles down. | ||
| And nobody feels that bad because you put a fucking party hat on that bear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you trying to do, man? | ||
| That ain't working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That simple as that. | ||
| I'm scared of animals, dude. | ||
| Now that I have a kid, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Here it is. | ||
| This is the video. | ||
| I am karate. | ||
| I have bear. | ||
| Karate and bear. | ||
| Bear sits down. | ||
| Oh, this is fun. | ||
| Who's this bitch? | ||
| Look at the size of the thing. | ||
| Look at the power in it when it grabs her. | ||
| Imagine how terrified she must have been and everyone slapping it. | ||
| Bitch slapping it. | ||
| The host is even getting in there. | ||
| Why would the host get in there? | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| Oh, I forgot to tell you. | ||
| How about the dudes wrestling with the bear? | ||
| That is Russian. | ||
| Is that good technique? | ||
| That guy has to be Russian. | ||
| Look at the power in his fucking guillotine. | ||
| He's almost got the bear. | ||
| He's almost got the bear out. | ||
| Jesus Christ, this is so crazy, and the bear's still holding on to that person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The bear's fucking that person up. | ||
| Also, not even the hardest day of her life in Russia. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I mean, she must have got fucked up by that bear, dude. | ||
| I mean, really fucked up. | ||
| The bear didn't use great technique to get out of the guillotine, but he just kind of powered out of it. | ||
| The only thing that saved her life is that that bear had a muzzle on. | ||
| I love that he looks at her like she said something offensive. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| You can't predict. | ||
| And that's a brown bear. | ||
| That's similar to a grizzly bear. | ||
| Probably the Russian version of a brown bear. | ||
| They have big-ass bears over there. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that, dude. | ||
| Fuck bears, dude. | ||
| I saw a real grizzly bear in the wild. | ||
| And it wasn't that far away. | ||
| It was like 30, 40 yards. | ||
| And it looked me in the eyes. | ||
| And I remember thinking, whoa, that's a different look. | ||
| He went, holy shit, that's Joe Rogan. | ||
| It wasn't even a big one. | ||
| It was only like a six-foot-tall grizzly, which is not a big grizzly. | ||
| But it looked at me like, they look through you. | ||
| Like, what am I going to do? | ||
| Am I going to eat you? | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| Is this safe? | ||
| Is this safe? | ||
| Their brain's calculating. | ||
| Do you have a weapon on you? | ||
| Or do you have a gun? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Two shotguns and two bows and arrows. | ||
| But still, that'd probably take a while to take that thing down. | ||
| Two shotguns and one bow and arrow. | ||
| I think a shotgun might take them down. | ||
| Yeah, yes. | ||
| It would take a while. | ||
| Yeah, it's not that easy. | ||
| It's a big animal. | ||
| Even a six-foot one is probably 300 pounds. | ||
| I mean, it's a big animal. | ||
| But it's the way they look at you that's different. | ||
| I've seen black bears in the wild, and they look at you like, what are you? | ||
| What's going on over here? | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Grizzlies look right through you. | ||
| They look right through you. | ||
| It's a weird look. | ||
| It's a weird, like, dead look. | ||
| Like, there's no fear of you at all. | ||
| Like, hmm, what do I do here? | ||
| They're just trying to figure out whether or not you're a meal. | ||
| Imagine being a 300-pound animal that just has to wander around looking for shit to eat. | ||
| Welcome to the life of Big Jay Oakerson. | ||
| I was gonna say, I swear to you, I was gonna say, can you please stop describing these wild animals as dimensions I've been in my life? | ||
| I mean, this is a fucking crazy bear. | ||
| Like, you see this thing coming, run, because it will eat you, a human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
300 pounds, if you can imagine. | |
| That's coming at you, all you can do is put it down. | ||
| Put it out of its goddamn misery, I said. | ||
| Imagine an animal, 300 pounds, that is hungry. | ||
| Imagine it. | ||
| But no stores Looking for hunters in a slipping People with limps. | ||
| Yeah, so what I had so it just like a well we I was with my friend Jen She's the guide and she smacked a fucking tree with this stick She picked up this stick and cracked this fucking tree and screamed. | ||
| And I screamed and we cocked our shotguns and that thing took off Yeah, they knew fuck the chest bear Yeah, I mean shit. | ||
| We saw a couple of them and We saw one of them we think on the side of the road. | ||
| It's gotta be terrible. | ||
| I mean, even with the weapons, you're like, it's sort of on still, you know? | ||
| You don't know how many are out there. | ||
| You have them out there. | ||
| They've seen ones way bigger than the ones I've seen. | ||
| Well, what about people that say this? | ||
| It's always like the PETA people that are like, well, yeah, if you think you're a real man, how about this? | ||
| We'll give you a knife, and you go out there, and then you try to hunt a bear. | ||
| I always feel like even if you have a gun, it's gonna not be that easy to just go and fucking kill a bear. | ||
| But you know why all these people say that shit? | ||
| It's because they don't understand what a bear really is. | ||
| In their head, they feel like a bear is like some mystical creature who lives in the forest who should be left alone. | ||
| The problem is you can't just leave them alone because they're so powerful and they're so hungry and they eat so much that if there's nothing that keeps them in check... | ||
| They're going to just run rampant and destroy all the deer and the moose and all those other things you like to look at as well. | ||
| They're going to kill all of them. | ||
| They're going to kill 50% of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to kill all those deer and moose before you can kill them. | |
| Yeah, well, you're also like, you want to keep the populations healthy. | ||
| Like, it's... | ||
| It's very tricky, and humans are supposed to play a part in this. | ||
| We don't like to think we play a part in it because we can communicate, we discuss things, and we rationalize, we have culture, and those things are all correct. | ||
| We've always kept predators in check because when they start killing us, that means, oh, we have to do something now and then we kill them. | ||
| That's always been the case with villages and jaguars and people who live in towns and wolves. | ||
| It's always been the case. | ||
| There is a food chain. | ||
| We're a part of it. | ||
| We just have insulated ourselves from it with cities so thoroughly that we've forgot about this connection. | ||
| So all these people that are PETA people, a good percentage of them are living in cities. | ||
| You're talking about a culture that you don't understand. | ||
| Talking about a world that you idealize. | ||
| And when you say, like, we kept the predators in check, like, not nearly as well as we do now. | ||
| We always tried to do it. | ||
| And then after thousands of years of this struggle where we fucking got the upper hand and started dominating it, now it's easy to sit in a city and be like, you know, you read your kids these books about nature and it's like the frog made friends with the squirrel and everything's just nice in nature. | ||
| We're the assholes. | ||
| People are the assholes because we pollute and we do this. | ||
| You know what's the real fucking asshole? | ||
| It's the state of nature. | ||
| Where your fucking kid gets ripped apart by a fucking predator. | ||
| That's the shit you don't want to deal with. | ||
| Where's that fucking lullaby? | ||
| You know what I think the answer is, man? | ||
| I think the answer comes in the middle. | ||
| That people have to realize, like, the real problem on the side of people that eat meat and people that think PETA people are ridiculous is factory farming. | ||
| That's what's against us. | ||
| The most horrific evidence is not in PETA's side. | ||
| I mean, in terms of, like, something that they're accused of. | ||
| The most horrific evidence by far is coming out of these factory farms. | ||
| If you had to pick which side, if you look at the two of them, which side makes more sense? | ||
| Well, the PETA side makes way more sense than the fucking factory farm people. | ||
| Both are extremists. | ||
| You see those videos where it's like Auschwitz of cows? | ||
| Dude, it's horrific. | ||
| Tattooing numbers into their forearms. | ||
| Yeah, it's horrific. | ||
| So I think if the meat-eating population doesn't accept the fact that this is It's not just... | ||
| It should be impossible. | ||
| It should be impossible for a civilized, healthy person to accept this as a reality for those animals. | ||
| So the PETA people are right about that. | ||
| They just... | ||
| But the idea that you shouldn't be able to eat any animals, like... | ||
| I don't agree. | ||
| Because what are you going to do with all these animals? | ||
| And the best way, in terms of health, the best way to live is eating animals. | ||
| Eating animals and vegetables together seems to be the best way to exist. | ||
| Seems to be. | ||
| When you look at all these objective scientific studies that talk about nutrients in plants versus nutrients in animal products, it leans very heavily towards a diet that's rich in both of those things. | ||
| There's almost no people in the world that are fat that eat meat, vegetables, and fruit exclusively. | ||
| Jay's right here, dude. | ||
| This is so fucked up. | ||
| I mean, I know you guys are passive-aggressive at home, but can you leave that shit? | ||
| I like meat and vegetables and fruits. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Joe, he's getting angry. | ||
| Do you have your shotgun right there? | ||
| I like all those things. | ||
| This six-foot son of a bitch is coming right at us. | ||
| Jay's angry. | ||
| I'm going to bang a stick on a tree. | ||
| Guys, start yelling. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| No, but you're right. | ||
| And then it's also like there's some weird shit that happens to you when they go on those fucking vegan soy diets. | ||
| Like Jamie Kilstein started eating meat again and he's fucking making sense again finally. | ||
| Well, he also tasted the wrath of his improper inclinations. | ||
| Improper meaning he wasn't being honest. | ||
| He went along with his ideology because he was terrified of the repercussions of being against the stream. | ||
| And, you know, he saw, like, I've talked about Jamie a hundred times on this podcast now, after we did a podcast together, because he's a way more normal person now. | ||
| He's way more rational. | ||
| Like, when he was in that world, he was frantic, checking his Twitter constantly, like, constantly arguing with people, calling people out on being a bigot or a racist. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You're always trying to get street cred for calling people out. | ||
| You're always constantly checking your phone to see what horrible shit they've said back to you and whether or not that stings. | ||
| You're always in a battle and you almost get addicted to that. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I literally stopped using Facebook like six months ago. | ||
| I just deleted it because it was a lot of that. | ||
| I don't really publicly battle as much on Twitter with dummies, but on Facebook I was really getting into it with people for stupid shit. | ||
| And I was just like, now that I don't do that at all, just that weird, nasty, whatever vile feeling that that gives you that you live in and you get addicted to, you want to go back to it, it just feels so much better. | ||
| And Jamie was definitely a victim of that. | ||
| But now you talk to him, because I had lunch with him before he even came back. | ||
| We had lunch in L.A. He almost seemed broken, dude. | ||
| He definitely seemed like he was beaten down and had been through some real fucking shit. | ||
| Well, he lost his whole industry. | ||
| I think being a social justice warrior is like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exhausting. | |
| Exhausting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to be looking... | ||
| Caring is exhausting, period. | ||
| Either side, if you give a fuck that much, it's pretty... | ||
| No, I know, but I mean, it really is like when people get angry about... | ||
| You know, something like comedy. | ||
| People get angry about comedy. | ||
| It's so like, wow, you've had to... | ||
| You've already through so many layers of things to actually be angry about, and then some other things you shouldn't be angry about to get to comedy. | ||
| They're almost always not successful or not as successful as they think they should be. | ||
| Almost always. | ||
| No one who's successful complains about comedy. | ||
| No one who's successful is pissed off that Kevin Hart has a fucking $50 million mansion. | ||
| No one. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| It's the people that aren't doing well. | ||
| And I think, and just kind of on a similar note, I think no one who's been through real shit in their life gives a fuck about microaggressions. | ||
| Like it's literally like a privileged thing and you don't have anything going on. | ||
| That you actually are taking this as like a major issue. | ||
| But you know what it also is? | ||
| It's evidence that you're in competition with that person, and unnecessarily so, and that you are deeming them to be unworthy of their success, so you're getting angry, and you're lashing out. | ||
| And it's entirely because you feel like it's a race, and you're so far behind the race, you're like, fuck that guy, fucking Kevin Hart, or whatever it is. | ||
| It's like whoever the fuck the person is that's way ahead of you, instead of just looking at it for what it is. | ||
| Wow, that guy works hard. | ||
| Well, if you're successful at all, in comedy, you go, oh, this is a really fucking fair thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Either way. | |
| The guys that have millions and millions of dollars, it's great. | ||
| If you're successful in comedy. | ||
| But if you're a guy coming up, it's easy. | ||
| I mean, how many times when you were around guys who were just starting out, would they talk crazy shit on some headliner they worked with? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You couldn't even follow me, bro. | ||
| Everybody in this room probably is guilty of doing that as a young comic. | ||
| Sure, 100%. | ||
| Oh my God, dude. | ||
| I did it. | ||
| Embarrassingly so. | ||
| I got called on it by... | ||
| Keith Robinson, I mean Keith Robinson, I called him to shit talk another comic or say that I, a guy, some booker had called and said he liked me on the show and he kept talking about me and another comic that he liked. | ||
| This guy doesn't even do comedy anymore. | ||
| But he kept acknowledging. | ||
| He's like, oh, just you and that guy were my two favorites. | ||
| I liked you two both. | ||
| And eventually I was like, hey, man, yeah, I just think that guy's terrible. | ||
| I was like, you keep saying this in the same thing. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And I called my friend Keith Robinson to brag. | ||
| And that brag would almost be like, isn't this funny? | ||
| He kept saying, I did this. | ||
| Very young in comedy and he's like, dude, don't ever fucking do that. | ||
| He's like, it's not your job to take money out of someone's pocket or just like slouch them, you know, whatever. | ||
| He goes, if they suck that much, people will find out. | ||
| Or maybe they'll get better or whatever. | ||
| But it's not your job to like... | ||
| Yeah, you don't even realize it. | ||
| I did that before, too. | ||
| You get caught up in what you think is a competition between you and all the other people that are trying to make it. | ||
| Where you're not miserably broke all the time, or you're in some, at least, path or lane of where you want to go, it does change your appreciation for comedy. | ||
| It brings it back again. | ||
| It brings it back again. | ||
| You can like somebody who's funny who's way younger than you. | ||
| You can like somebody who's funny who's passing you. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| You can just like... | ||
| Well, that was the thing that changed to you, Jay. | ||
| It's like, why them, not me? | ||
| Why them, not me? | ||
| I watch you laughing at Guitar X, where I think when we all came up in New York, there's a thing like, fuck Guitar X with your dumb fucking hacky shit. | ||
| And I'm watching you the other way, watching Regan and... | ||
| I love Jeremiah, man. | ||
| And just laughing your dick off, because you let go after a little while ago, and it's not about your ego, it's about what's going to tickle you. | ||
| There's no thought in it. | ||
| We've had this conversation a lot, and I said, I think what New York lacks... | ||
| That L.A. embraces much more is the silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's not enough silly in New York. | ||
| If you do something silly or even pull out a guitar for whatever reason on stage, I think there's not even a chance of like, maybe, wait, this might be like a unique guitar. | ||
| If you move around on stage, people... | ||
| I watched Sebastian Maniscalco in Vegas, and dude, I watched, in that hour, I don't know Sebastian at all, but watching him for that hour, this is like a year ago, was the most I'd learned in comedy in a really, really long time. | ||
| He's so physical, and what he does with his body and his eyes, he's making eye contact with almost everybody in the audience, and I was like, holy shit, dude, and he's got to really use that space, and I feel like in New York, if anybody was that physical, people would be like, what's this guy fucking doing? | ||
| You know, Colin Quinn was saying this at Just for Laughs in 2013. He gave the, like, keynote address. | ||
| I have to pee so bad. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| You guys talk. | ||
| Dude, you're going to come back, and this show's going to be off the fucking rails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, Legion of Skanks takes over the Joe Rogan experience. | |
| All right, Jamie, I need you to pull out this baby raping video. | ||
| All right, Jamie, I'm going to need you to start pawning things off in the studio. | ||
| Jamie, can you look up pedophilia hot spots? | ||
| Ah, that's bookmarked. | ||
| And we really do have Joe Rogan's podcast for about one minute by ourselves, guys. | ||
| We need to do something with it. | ||
| Oh, man, I feel like it's going good. | ||
| What do you guys think? | ||
| Black porn. | ||
| Black porn. | ||
| Just bring it up? | ||
| Yeah, just put it all up on YouTube. | ||
| Oh, remember one of the first episodes? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Do you remember the name of it, Jay? | ||
| One of the first episodes of the Legion of Skanks podcast, which is available on GasDigitalNetwork.com. | ||
| Get your plugs out, guys. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for subscribers. | ||
| That's right, guys. | ||
| Go subscribe to GasDigitalNetwork.com right now. | ||
| Use the promo code LOS to get a 14-day free trial. | ||
| You get access to the entire archives, over 350 episodes on demand, whatever you guys want them, in HD, or you can watch live for free on Wednesday nights at 9pm. | ||
| Skankfest? | ||
| Skankfest? | ||
| Skankfest coming up July 14th and 15th, guys. | ||
| You gotta go. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| It's a non-stop, two-and-a-half-day comedy party. | ||
| Everyone that you want to fucking hang out with in comedy is going to be there. | ||
| It's no joke. | ||
| SkankfestNYC.com, April 2nd, pre-sale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Let me do one. | ||
| Guys, we gotta end the war in Yemen. | ||
| Come on, Dave. | ||
| I thought you were going to do Libertas. | ||
| I thought you were going to do Libertas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Libertas you bitch! | |
| I got a comedy special called Libertas. | ||
| Go check it out. | ||
| It was so incredible, guys. | ||
| Joe Rogan specifically said himself that it's his favorite comedy special he's ever seen. | ||
| Off air he said that. | ||
| Don't mention it again when he comes back in the room, but I'm pretty sure he said that. | ||
| Don't tweet that at him. | ||
| I'm almost certain that's what he said. | ||
| Don't say that. | ||
| I said that specifically. | ||
| Okay, fair enough. | ||
| He gave me a look that kind of said that in the look, but he never actually verbalized it. | ||
| No, but really, go buy Dave's comedy special, Libertas, available right now at GasDigitalNetwork.com. | ||
| We're not plugging everything in our lives right now. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Hey, what's up, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Joe! | |
| The bears, man. | ||
| Bears are crazy. | ||
| Dude, I drank way too much water today. | ||
| Quite an issue. | ||
| Water is so hard for me to drink. | ||
| It's so boring. | ||
| I fucking hate it. | ||
| It is boring, but it's not boring if you're fucking dying of thirst. | ||
| You gotta think, if you were in a desert, and you're just like barely hanging on, your lips are cracked and bleeding, your skin is sore, with sun blisters all over it, and just wandering, and you just see a fucking, one of those, Fiji waters in a bucket of ice. | ||
| One of those giant ones. | ||
| Those are the nicest ones. | ||
| Those big ones. | ||
| Thank God I brought a crystal light packet. | ||
| He's chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga. | ||
| I got some emergency. | ||
| I'm trying to dance this bitch up. | ||
| It's like ascorbic acid. | ||
| Thank God I keep Kool-Aid in my go bag. | ||
| Dude, I had Kool-Aid like a couple of weeks ago for the first time in fucking 20 years or some shit. | ||
| When was the last time I had Kool-Aid before that? | ||
| But I was at this barbecue place and it was so good. | ||
| I had to go with the Kool-Aid. | ||
| Was it great? | ||
| Fuck, it was amazing. | ||
| That's sort of racist for a drink to offer at a barbecue place. | ||
| No, it was a black owned business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't ironic. | ||
| They weren't serious about this. | ||
| They were serious about it. | ||
| It was in Fresno. | ||
| You gotta be careful because you see it on the menu and you go, do you guys have Kool-Aid? | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| Kool-Aid was like the first drink. | ||
| It's like, yeah, all that other bullshit, like Pepsi and root beer, if you're really interested. | ||
| But if you want Kool-Aid, you want to do this shit right. | ||
| You're going to eat oxtails? | ||
| Might as well have some Kool-Aid. | ||
| I was never a Kool-Aid guy, and I was poor. | ||
| We were always like a shitty iced tea, like scoopable sugary iced tea into the water. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| I remember that shit. | ||
| We used to do a lot of that in my home, the lemonade and the iced tea. | ||
| Real iced tea makes no sense to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unsweetened iced tea? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Just like cold tea? | ||
| Just cold, hot water? | ||
| I see the tea bags and I'm like, you left garbage in this iced tea. | ||
| I drink unsweetened iced tea all the time. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| It's like vegetable water. | ||
| There's some phytonutrients in it, apparently. | ||
| I'd rather drink water than iced tea. | ||
| Miniscule amounts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Than real iced tea. | ||
| Water's good, man. | ||
| Maybe just drink a little sparkling water. | ||
| Mix it up. | ||
| Get a little fucking Pellegrino in your system. | ||
| Pop, pop, pop. | ||
| We have the caramel syrup in it there. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| Delish. | ||
| That's what fucks you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Water. | |
| Or whiskey. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's a cheat day for Joe Rogan? | ||
| I'm telling you right now, the best shape I was ever in my entire life, dude, I was drinking Diet Coke like a motherfucker. | ||
| I had abs. | ||
| And I'm sure my body on the inside is a goddamn nightmare. | ||
| But I was drinking like an insane amount of diet soda. | ||
| It was a problem. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That was how to hydrate. | ||
| They say that shit fucks you up in so many different ways. | ||
| And one of the ways it does is that all those chemicals in there are fucking terrible for your gut flora. | ||
| Like even sugar is bad for your gut flora if you drink regular Coke. | ||
| But apparently if you drink Diet Coke... | ||
| My gut floor is pretty dope, though. | ||
| You say, so you say. | ||
| You don't know anything about my gut floor, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm always suspicious of people who are bragging about their gut floor. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, right, I bet, bro. | ||
| You can't prove it here. | ||
| My uncle is a straight-up psychic, bro. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| Dude's a mind reader. | ||
| You don't have any secrets from him, bro. | ||
| He looks into your eyes and sees windows. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a neon sign in front of his house and everything. | ||
| It's always the guy who's bragging the most. | ||
| You got some farty-ass gut flora. | ||
| What the fuck is gut flora? | ||
| You don't know what that is, for real? | ||
| Are you kidding? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think I know what gut flora is? | ||
| Your stomach has living organisms in it. | ||
| Hold on, I'm sorry. | ||
| Don't act like you guys fucking know what gut flora is. | ||
| I'm not sure he knows what gut flora is. | ||
| I was going to explain it, but Joe got it first. | ||
| He has no idea what gut flora is. | ||
| He absolutely does. | ||
| I'll let Joe do it. | ||
| It's his show. | ||
| Go ahead, please, Jay. | ||
| The things in the linings, the floras. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Floras, am I pronouncing it right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| My pronouncing might be off. | ||
| Flora. | ||
| It's actual life forms. | ||
| There's more E. coli in your gut than there have ever been people ever. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| Your gut. | ||
| Your gut, son. | ||
| Your guts have that. | ||
| We're an ecosystem. | ||
| Every human being is an ecosystem. | ||
| We're not a one thing. | ||
| You cannot exist without the bacteria in your system, without what's on your skin protecting you from other invading bacteria. | ||
| We're in a sea of life forms that are We're floating through the air. | ||
| That's how you get sick. | ||
| If you touch things and you touch your face, you're literally taking life forms into your body that want to go to war with your immune system. | ||
| Somewhere deep there when you're getting a rash, there's just some dude arguing with his chick. | ||
| He's like, get off my back already! | ||
| And he's leaving and you're like, that's a rash. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| They had a fucking gang fight in the middle of your face and it became a zit. | ||
| That's where cancer comes from. | ||
| I've said this for the longest time. | ||
| That's where cancer comes from. | ||
| You put shit in your body that's not supposed to be there. | ||
| And when they... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Said he got mouth cancer from being now... | ||
| Michael Douglas. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, we're not supposed to... | ||
| He didn't get it from her. | ||
| Well, he said that he got it from eating a lot of pussy. | ||
| First of all, he said he didn't really say that and that people have distorted what he originally said. | ||
| Well, because he was talking like this. | ||
| He would be like the first guy ever. | ||
| Imagine if it was Michael Douglas who was the first guy ever to get mouth cancer from eating pussy. | ||
| He'd be like, whoa. | ||
| I think that's a real thing, dude. | ||
| But it's the best reason to give for having mouth cancer. | ||
| Like, how'd you get that mouth cancer? | ||
| The most badass way. | ||
| Just eating tons of pot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eating Catherine Zeta Jones pussy like a motherfucker. | |
| Remember that entrapment trailer? | ||
| I sucked it right out of that pussy. | ||
| She squirted cancer all over my face. | ||
| Hot. | ||
| In the mouth, like right down the hatch. | ||
| Like a carnival clown mouth. | ||
| Listen, I go to that doctor once every six weeks and go, grind off what's in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| We're getting back to work in the morning. | ||
| Sand me down. | ||
| Why don't you give me a lidocaine gargle to smooth that bitch down? | ||
| Is there a football player that wants to always play? | ||
| Give me a quarter zone shot in this thing. | ||
| I got an 11 at home crawling off the walls. | ||
| This bitch is crazy and she's hot as the sun, so I'm going back to work. | ||
| She wants. | ||
| That pussy. | ||
| Sucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sucked. | |
| Your doctor's got to go to Michael Douglas and be like, listen. | ||
| He says no because without warning, wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes from cunnilingus. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Amongst other things. | ||
| But he took it back. | ||
| He said, don't worry if stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it, but yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. | ||
| I'm telling you, dude, you're not supposed to put our dicks and our pussies in each other's mouths. | ||
| Shut your mouth! | ||
| Shut your mouth, fun killer! | ||
| This is too large of a platform. | ||
| Dougie, every time I'm 69ing with my chick, I'm like, we're just fucking giving each other cancer right now. | ||
| And it makes me a little bit harder. | ||
| Do you think we have, like, a cancer doctor who has to talk to you like he's smoking cigarettes and be like, Lewis, if you're going to keep eating pussy, I can't see you anymore. | ||
| That's probably exactly what it's going to be one day. | ||
| I just pet-kissed their clit the whole time. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| See, the thing is, now they have a vaccine. | ||
| So now you get that HPV vaccine, you never have to worry about it. | ||
| Good to go. | ||
| Dudes too? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Dudes and girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| It's a vaccine, but it's a risky one. | ||
| There's some side effects. | ||
| And some people have had, depending on your biology, some people have pretty extreme side effects, apparently. | ||
| People have gotten really sick from that HPV vaccine. | ||
| That happens with almost all the vaccines, though. | ||
| Certain people get really sick. | ||
| Some of them, yeah. | ||
| I mean, this is the problem with this whole anti-vax movement. | ||
| They don't understand the nuanced details of what it means to take an entire population of 300 million people and try to figure out a vaccine that's going to protect them from disease. | ||
| It's not going to work on everybody. | ||
| There's going to be people that don't jive with it. | ||
| There's going to be people that are allergic to some of the stuff that's in it. | ||
| There's going to be people that have weird biological reactions. | ||
| These are the outliers. | ||
| And you have to be willing to accept a certain amount of outliers, unfortunately, if you want to protect people from polio and all these different fucking crazy diseases that they've really got a good grip on. | ||
| Measles up until recently. | ||
| Measles, they had it locked down. | ||
| Nobody was getting measles anymore. | ||
| But all these fucking hippies decided not to vaccinate their kids, and now measles are coming back because they're worried about autism. | ||
| But at the same time, dads are getting older and older. | ||
| These 54-year-old dudes are having babies. | ||
| And you're like, hey, man, this is way more of your problem than probably most vaccinations. | ||
| Who knows what old sperm makes? | ||
| Kids with left hands? | ||
| But, dude, vaccinations have fucked people up, too. | ||
| It's like both things are true. | ||
| Like, vaccinations are very important. | ||
| It's the numbers. | ||
| You have to look at it and go, all right, dude. | ||
| But there's also been real extensive research to disprove the idea that the vaccinations are the reason for the autism rise. | ||
| But I can understand in just a human instinctual way. | ||
| Imagine you have a baby. | ||
| You get your baby vaccinated. | ||
| Nothing goes more against your instincts than to give your baby to a stranger and let them prick you. | ||
| Everything in you. | ||
| He was telling you, this is a bad idea, and then your kid's sick over the next year. | ||
| I think it's very easy, just psychologically, to be like, well, that's what fucking happened. | ||
| When I gave him to that guy and he fucking pricked him, that's what ruined it. | ||
| It's the reason my son isn't circumcised, because he was born at 3 in the morning, and they were going to do it the next day. | ||
| And when I brought, I had held him, and I loved him, I looked at him in the face. | ||
| If they were going to do it right away, I'd take him, I'd cut him. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I don't want him to have a weird dick. | ||
| But now... | ||
| He's got a pointy head anyway. | ||
| Take it back. | ||
| She must have squeezed at the beginning too hard. | ||
| She fucked the kid's head up. | ||
| Look at the top of his head. | ||
| She fucked it up with your squeezy pussy. | ||
| All you want to do with that pussy, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. | ||
| Even with my son's fucking head. | ||
| You can't help it, you whore. | ||
| You gotta squeeze it tight. | ||
| I got this fucking ramp head hanging out. | ||
| Dude, they came back the next day. | ||
| They were like, all right, we're gonna take him now. | ||
| I mean, I had... | ||
| I mean, I had fucking hung out with him. | ||
| He was my son. | ||
| I loved him at that point so much. | ||
| You must have taken him to a strip club already. | ||
| And my chick had also implanted in my mind all of these baby circumcision videos where she made me watch. | ||
| And it's a fucked up thing, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good for her. | |
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's a barbaric practice that people only do because it was done to them and because you feel like it's part of tradition. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| They have these bullshit stories about, like, oh, help, HIV test. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You're not getting less or more HIV. They did a study in Africa where they took a few hundred people in a fucking straight up place in Africa where it was like one out of every four people had AIDS. And they proved that circumcising them was stopping the transmission of AIDS because there's not as many breaks in the foreskin, so it's not as easy to transmit the disease. | ||
| But we were talking about a third world country where they're not cleaning their bodies. | ||
| We don't live in that same type of poverty or fucked up disease. | ||
| Yeah, if you look at any of the justifications for circumcision, they're all super weak. | ||
| Like, none of them actually get... | ||
| You know, they'll say these things where it's like, well, you can't get cancer in your foreskin or something like that, and you're like, yeah, and if you just lopped off chicks' breasts, they can't get breast cancer, but we're still not gonna just preemptively be like, let's just fucking start castrating people. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I gotta tell you. | ||
| It changes the sensitivity of your dick. | ||
| Your dick's supposed to be slippery at the top. | ||
| Meanwhile, you pull that foreskin away, it just dries up like an old piece of gum. | ||
| It's not supposed to be like that. | ||
| We've literally changed what dicks feel like when they go into people's bodies. | ||
| It is gross when you describe an uncircumcised dick as self-lubricating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's how they got the business done back in the day. | ||
| The way my dick hangs soft, I would hate having foreskin. | ||
| I think you'd get over it. | ||
| Who would you rather that or no dick? | ||
| That or no dick? | ||
| Get new foreskin back or no dick? | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| Right, so just let it go. | ||
| That's real two extreme ends of the rainbow. | ||
| That's how I live, bro. | ||
| I'm Mr. Extreme. | ||
| But I still don't know if I'd take it back. | ||
| I don't know if I can go back now and just say, alright, would I just take my, if a genie came out, the gayest genie on earth came out and said, You have one wish, and it's just about your foreskin. | ||
| But they're pretty specific wishes, bitch. | ||
| Put it back. | ||
| Let's see what's up. | ||
| You can always get cut again if you're a crazy asshole. | ||
| At least then it would be your decision. | ||
| Reconstructive surgery they have for it, too. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| I've seen what they do. | ||
| They take clothespins and they pull your dick apart. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| They stretch the skin out around your dick and it becomes kind of like a foreskin, but like a turtleneck foreskin. | ||
| Instead of being one piece of meat, it's like a double piece of meat rolled up. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a big floppy hood, like Ghostface Killer. | ||
| It's like when Webster was hanging in his closet to try to make himself taller. | ||
| All the grosser shit about foreskin is accentuated by the fact that it's a double. | ||
| It's essentially like the whole skin of the dick has to go over the top of the dick. | ||
| It's outrageous. | ||
| Yeah, they did a pen and teller bullshit about that. | ||
| Those people are crazy. | ||
| They're so into it. | ||
| But here's the thing we should do, and congratulations to you for doing that. | ||
| Don't circumcise your kids anymore. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You've got to stop something. | ||
| It's really weird and fucked up. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| It's not 100% dangerous, but it might be one out of a thousand kids get some sort of an infection and they could lose their dick. | ||
| That happens to kids. | ||
| And then they do sexual reassignment surgery. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| That's a regular thing. | ||
| When it happens, they fuck up their dicks to circumcision, they get the infection, and then they say, alright, well now you can have a baby with no dick and have it be a boy, or we can sexually reassign it to be a girl. | ||
| And kids find out years later that they were born a boy, and that's why that happened. | ||
| There's actually a famous case. | ||
| There's a famous case about that where they did a botched circumcision. | ||
| The kid's penis was removed and then they decided to give him a sexual reassignment and everyone was fucking terrified of it. | ||
| It didn't work. | ||
| The kid became massively, massively depressed and then wound up committing suicide as an adult and just felt robbed of reality, you know? | ||
| By what? | ||
| By some crazy, stupid, avoidable ritual where you're going to cut baby dicks because you think it looks better? | ||
| And in the best case scenario, even when all that shit doesn't happen, you're torturing a baby. | ||
| I mean, how else could you describe it? | ||
| You're not using Novocaine. | ||
| You're not numbing this at all. | ||
| But if you ever had a surgery like that and they were like, oh, we're just going to put some local anesthetic. | ||
| No one does that. | ||
| Must sting so bad. | ||
| You're so sensitive. | ||
| You don't even know what pain is. | ||
| You're a little tiny, one-day-old person. | ||
| Someone's cutting your dick already. | ||
| Like, what kind of a world have I been fucking immersed in? | ||
| And what's the Jewish practice? | ||
| What it does to you in that moment where you're like, we don't know the type of psychological damage that that causes in that moment. | ||
| There's real intense pain. | ||
| They're in the world. | ||
| They want their mom. | ||
| They want to be held against their mom's breasts. | ||
| They want to be feeding with their mom. | ||
| They want the love right now. | ||
| That's what they're supposed to get. | ||
| And you take them and you fucking mutilate them. | ||
| Who knows what type of switch you turn on in that fucking baby's head in that moment? | ||
| Yeah, you make Jewish people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we start all the wars. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| They decide to fucking really get good at finance and the diamond business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She goes, oh God, oh God, it's all good. | |
| They were like one of the first people to be circumcised. | ||
| It's like if Jewish people you always assume were circumcised, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like why is that? | ||
| It's just part of the thing. | ||
| But no one really knows any reason. | ||
| They're always trying to save a little? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You know what's the most horrific? | ||
| You ever watch the circumcision rituals they do in Africa? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen a few. | ||
| Oh my god, there's a video of this dude just standing there, standing there, balls-ass naked, and the guy comes over, grabs his dick, grabs with one swipe of the blade, takes off the foreskin, pulls on his dick, and slices away, and yanks it off, and the guy stands there, completely stone-faced, doesn't react, and that's like part of the ritual. | ||
| Dana White walks in, so you want to be an ultimate fighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| His dick is bleeding, and he's just standing there. | ||
| He's not looking at it, and it's not a good circumcision cut either. | ||
| It's totally fucked. | ||
| It's like peeling an orange, right? | ||
| You're never going to get a straight line. | ||
| I mean, it's really what it looks like to this poor guy's dick. | ||
| It's so... | ||
| Have you seen it, Jamie? | ||
| Do you know the video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have it. | |
| I have it saved in my phone. | ||
| And there's a Jewish ceremony where the rabbi, doesn't the rabbi, like suck blood or something off the dick? | ||
| Yeah, like every, it's not that every Jew doesn't do that, but there's like some group of Jews. | ||
| You didn't get your dick sucked by a rabbi. | ||
| I might have. | ||
| Heavy duty, baby sick, dick sucking cult version. | ||
| I brought this up years ago on the show, and I'm the only person doing any research on our show. | ||
| I may seem like I'm the dumbest one, but I promise you right now. | ||
| You're the most prepared dumbest one. | ||
| I'm the one doing the research. | ||
| I brought this up and everyone looked at me like I'm an asshole. | ||
| And I'm like, no, I swear to God, rabbis are out there sucking babies' dicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you guys were, you know. | ||
| There's videos of them justifying it. | ||
| It's a really crazy thing because they had to, there was some serious problems with it, oddly enough, because of herpes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because babies were getting herpes and dying from herpes, from rabbis sucking their dick after they performed this circumcision. | ||
| And apparently, in some versions of Judaism, it's a part of the ritual. | ||
| And this guy was explaining it, like in Yiddish, and he was explaining all the different things that, what's important, that the rabbi or the, who have the moel, performs this, I think he said it like tetitzi. | ||
| He had like a word for it. | ||
| You have to cut the balls. | ||
| He says a nice old word for sucking baby dicks you just cut. | ||
| I mean, it's so... | ||
| Only in religion would you be able to have a YouTube video where you're dressed like a wizard talking about sucking baby dicks that you just cut. | ||
| And, well, this is a part of our tradition. | ||
| But do you think it's sinister? | ||
| Making an argument. | ||
| Like, you're not just in some fucking, like, dress and, like, singing some song. | ||
| You're actually going, like, well, this is why we have to do this. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| Do you think it's definitely sinister? | ||
| No, it's retarded. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| And they're stuck in it, and someone did it to him, and someone did it to his dad, and they feel like they're a part of this clan. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| And you feel like if you were to give up on that, you're giving up on your dad, your family, everything's a lie. | ||
| So you gotta just blindly believe that this is what you do. | ||
| It retards progress. | ||
| It retards progress. | ||
| It literally is retarded in that sense. | ||
| Forget about the derogatory term you use for people. | ||
| It's a retarded idea. | ||
| It retards logic. | ||
| You're cutting a baby dick and sucking on it. | ||
| Then you're making a YouTube video saying, well, but when we thought the world was flat, this is how we did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We still do it this way, and we like to cut it, and we like to suck it. | |
| And we have a name for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a noise that I make with my mouth that's different than sucking cut baby dick. | |
| It's abajitski. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And when I do the abajitski, it's very important. | |
| A rose by any other name, I say. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's crazy that someone can sit around and justify doing some shit to a baby's dick just because they've always done it. | ||
| But I think all these... | ||
| But to have Jackie Mason do it like... | ||
| I cut it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I pull it out. | |
| On the other side. | ||
| At a very reasonable rate. | ||
| It's just a little too big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta cut it off. | |
| Look, I mean, as if it's any better to cut it and not suck it. | ||
| Like, at least maybe it feels better for the kid. | ||
| Honestly, if you really want to cut his dick, give the kid a blowjob. | ||
| From a physical standpoint, you would definitely want somebody to suck your dick after you got a cut. | ||
| But what kind of a person just sucks baby dicks all the time? | ||
| Like, how many baby dicks? | ||
| You took an average rabbi that's done this, or moel. | ||
| Was it a moel? | ||
| Moel. | ||
| Moel. | ||
| More, what is Moelle? | ||
| Is that like a shoe company or something? | ||
| It's close to Moelle. | ||
| But these, how many baby dicks in a lifetime, in a strong career, a 35-year career, working for this synagogue, how many baby dicks have you sucked? | ||
| Did he go to college? | ||
| He's putting up numbers. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Did he go to college in Arizona or anything? | ||
| Does that matter? | ||
| He's got a particularly slutty rabbit. | ||
| Could you imagine if he looked? | ||
| He's got to testify like a Nazi in Nuremberg. | ||
| He goes, I was following orders. | ||
| Imagine if there was a website, and you just see, it just scrolled. | ||
| You know that bar on the right side? | ||
| The dot was really tiny, so you knew there was a lot of scrolling to do. | ||
| It's all the baby dicks he sucked over the years. | ||
| I kept an album. | ||
| Well, there was a guy. | ||
| He told me it was the best. | ||
| Check out my Instagram page. | ||
| I suck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I spit it. | |
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jamie! | |
| Jamie, do not show us that! | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Boner check. | ||
| How's that online? | ||
| Is that on YouTube? | ||
| Is he about to suck it? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And there's blood everywhere. | ||
| They cut it, there's blood everywhere, and the baby's screaming, and the guy sucks the baby's dick. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| You're an idiot. | ||
| It is a nice story for cutting your dick, though. | ||
| This is one of those things. | ||
| That because it's a part of a religion, people get mad if you take it down. | ||
| People get mad if you shit on it. | ||
| There's no clear indication that your religion has gone completely off the track, that if you're cutting baby dicks and then sucking them. | ||
| Anybody in their right mind, outside of that religion, saying, what are you going to do today, Charlie? | ||
| I'm thinking about cutting baby dicks and sucking them. | ||
| What?! | ||
| You're calling the FBI and the CIA? Yeah. | ||
| Here's what's fucked up. | ||
| That's on YouTube. | ||
| Now, look, yeah, there's a lot of Jewish people that are watching their families, babies, getting their dicks cut and then sucked. | ||
| But then there's also a whole sect of pedophile vampires that are watching that and just beating off to it all day long. | ||
| Dude, some fucking guy taught his dog to Heil Hitler and he's looking at jail time. | ||
| But you could suck a baby's dick on YouTube and your fucking video would just go up. | ||
| Yes, thank you. | ||
| I want to suck baby dicks, but I don't want to go to jail. | ||
| I'll become a rabbi. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, if you were a pedophile. | ||
| Oh, Jamie, get that down. | ||
| I'm just showing you there's a bunch of them. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| There's hundreds of them. | ||
| Yeah, they're just all over them. | ||
| Hundreds of guys sucking baby dicks. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it's 2018. This is not a... | ||
| Not according to Jewish religion. | ||
| We're not living in the barbarian times. | ||
| But today, people are cutting and sucking baby dicks. | ||
| How about genital mutilation? | ||
| How much is that? | ||
| Put me down for two, please. | ||
| Can't say that anymore, man. | ||
| Yes, you can. | ||
| You can make a joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It's March. | ||
| It's March. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| It's a female... | ||
| As of April, it's off. | ||
| Anti-female genital mutilation month. | ||
| What is the month? | ||
| Is it a female empowerment month? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Is there one of those now? | ||
| No, it's a Hispanic month. | ||
| Hispanic Heritage Month. | ||
| There was a National Women's Day, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I stayed offline. | ||
| Every year. | ||
| I'm not saying shit. | ||
| Don't play in traffic. | ||
| I'm definitely not going to say anything snotty. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Try to be funny. | ||
| It's not time to be cute. | ||
| You don't need to say anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Women's History Month. | |
| Benjamin's handling it for all of us. | ||
| Women's History Month. | ||
| March 1st. | ||
| We're celebrating. | ||
| So this is Women's History Month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| The fucked up thing is Black History Month is the shortest month. | ||
| Yeah, that was definitely some passive-aggressive racist shit. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Yeah, but they have an extra bone in their ankle. | ||
| It makes them history harder. | ||
| They only need 28 days. | ||
| At what point in time is that going to end? | ||
| How long in the future would it be before we didn't have Black History Month? | ||
| We're not going to have Moore's History Month for people, right? | ||
| So you're saying black people are going to go extinct at a certain point and we won't have to... | ||
| I think all people are going to go extinct at a certain point. | ||
| I bet it's probably within a thousand years. | ||
| Just I don't think so. | ||
| I hope we don't theme our months like fucking frat parties. | ||
| That's true, too But I just think like what point in time we're gonna not care I mean what if you if there's a way like let's just imagine is it even humanly possible to Engineer the education of human beings to the point where there's no more racism doesn't exist anymore no more sexism no more homophobia I mean naturally we were tribes and we gravitate toward people that look like us and we're comfortable with I remember in kindergarten, this is 1987, we were allowed to just choose our tables. | ||
| They didn't make you assign seats or whatever, and I remember all the white kids just sat with the white kids, and the black kids sat with the black kids, and the Hispanic kids sat with the Hispanic kids, and I'm half white, and I was raised by white people, and you see little Puerto Rican me just plopped in the middle of this white table, and all these little kids are probably like, what the fuck is this kid doing here? | ||
| But it was very much like everyone segregated racially, and it was very natural. | ||
| Yeah, but you're a kid. | ||
| I'm talking about as a grown adult who's already examined the world. | ||
| Don't you think it's possible that people get to the point where they don't do that anymore? | ||
| Just let it go. | ||
| I think individuals can, but the idea that in terms of large demographic groups, there won't be any in-group preference, and there won't be any... | ||
| Maybe, I'm not like closed off to it, but it seems like a real tough goal. | ||
| I agree with you 100%, but I'm more leaning towards that now than ever before because of the internet. | ||
| Because I think people are accelerating. | ||
| They're accelerating in what they understand about what's going on in the world. | ||
| It's way more deep. | ||
| You've talked to an average 20-year-old today, and they're just way more knowledgeable than I was when I was 20. Stunningly so. | ||
| Even if they believe ridiculous shit. | ||
| Yeah, because they have the information. | ||
| I wouldn't know half the shit I know if I grew up You know, decades before I did, I wasn't going to go to the library every fucking night. | ||
| There's a lot more work to care. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like, I wasn't going to put that in. | ||
| But when it's all right in front of you, it's like, all right, well, I guess I can spend 2 to 5 a.m. | ||
|
unidentified
|
reading. | |
| But I think it doesn't seem like we're going towards that. | ||
| It seems like the sharing of information is sort of making us move away from that. | ||
| It seems like it's making us more erratic and more kind of crazy. | ||
| You know, I feel like we don't know how to, like... | ||
| You know, people don't know how to... | ||
| Quickly share an idea and deal with people reacting to that idea as fast as it's happening. | ||
| I think it's creating... | ||
| I have people that are... | ||
| We speak of friends who are disowning each other on Facebook and publicly being like, fuck you, dude. | ||
| If you believe this, I don't ever want to talk to you again. | ||
| And you're like, dude, whoa. | ||
| We're not even supposed to talk about some of this shit. | ||
| I thought whatever happened to water cooler conversation, you weren't supposed to talk about politics or religion or any of this stuff. | ||
| You were kind of supposed to just lead each other's lives and sort of like... | ||
| Live with each other and, you know... | ||
| Yeah, well, I remember thinking about this when the thing with Chick-fil-A, which, by the way, is delicious. | ||
| But when they were, like, against gay marriage and people were, like, boycotting Chick-fil-A, and you're just kind of like, well, what is the precedent that you're setting here? | ||
| Like, if I pull up to a gas station and I go to, like, get, like, a snack, do I have to go, like, so where do you stand on the Iraq war... | ||
| Where do you stand on this? | ||
| Isn't the point that we all can kind of get along even if we have wildly different views? | ||
| It's called Chick-fil-A, not Dude-fil-A, queer! | ||
| Yeah, but we would like to spend our money wisely. | ||
| That's the idea that people are voting with their dollars, right? | ||
| I get that, but it's almost like now we can have all that knowledge, and I get your point, but it can work toward us being inclusive, or it can work toward us being like, Well, no, I'm not gonna fuck with anybody who doesn't meet XYZ beliefs. | ||
| There's a lot of that going on. | ||
| Which isn't necessarily great. | ||
| No, not necessarily. | ||
| There's something beautiful about the market where I'm a Jew, but I can get a cab in New York from a Muslim, and I'm just like, oh, I'm going up here, and then he drops me off, and he's like, have a good night, God bless, and I'm like, thank you, and we give each other money, and we're all happy, and it doesn't matter that we have... | ||
| That place is such a melting pot, though. | ||
| It's so different than L.A. L.A., everybody's in their own car. | ||
| They go to their own building. | ||
| Everybody's insulated. | ||
| In New York, you're forced to walk with people, get on the train with people. | ||
| Everybody's all together. | ||
| The subway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
9 a.m. | |
| at 34th Street, you have a million people in one small area where it's like one person's a homeless person, the next person's a multimillionaire, supermodel, actor, from every different area of your life, and they're all squished together. | ||
| In LA, you gotta go to the party to hang out with that model or actor or to interact with them really in any way, you know? | ||
| I feel like you don't have a lot of examples outside of actor and model. | ||
| You're a multi-millionaire, supermodel after. | ||
| You said that and homeless. | ||
| The doctor walks next to the scientist. | ||
| You never found just a cashier or somebody with a reasonable job in between? | ||
| Everybody's living the dream of my models. | ||
| If you guys were to take an Uber back, if you guys are going to stay and hang out and keep talking, I have to go because I have to go do Bonfire. | ||
| I have to go to Sirius XM. What time are you going to be there? | ||
| We'll have to be there like 2.40. | ||
| Oh, you're okay, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Bonfire. | ||
| That's Dan Soder's show. | ||
| It is indeed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm familiar. | |
| Dan Soder radio program? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| We love that show. | ||
| On the satellite radio. | ||
| Well, we can either keep going for a little bit and talk mad shit about Jay. | ||
| I'd love that. | ||
| That'd be fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'll be out the door. | |
| Or we can just wrap this up. | ||
| Dude, I can keep going all day. | ||
| I podcast. | ||
| I got a lot of shit about Jay to talk. | ||
| Well, yeah, good, good, good. | ||
| Jay, thanks, brother. | ||
| Thank you very much, man. | ||
| Thanks for facilitating this. | ||
| Absolutely, man. | ||
| You guys have fun. | ||
| Getting a party together. | ||
| I love you, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love you, man. | |
| So, Jay's been a prick all week. | ||
| No, wait, click us out the door. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| That was poor etiquette. | ||
| I liked his half hair red better. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| Bye, buddy. | ||
| Jamie, did you get the release? | ||
| I'm trying to make sure I don't have anything in your car. | ||
| I like how you're rocking the old-school chain with the keys. | ||
| It's not connected to a wallet. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| It's not connected to anything. | ||
| No, I like it. | ||
| It's just a fashion accessory. | ||
| I swear to God, there's no wallet. | ||
| It's got a chain. | ||
| Jay marches to the beat of his own drum. | ||
| He's living in a grease movie. | ||
| Those fucking dudes that like would wear those like 1950s type clothes, like roll the cuffs up with their jeans, wear those old school shoes. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes I get a little like, you just kind of wish you lived one life in every generation. | ||
| Like I want to just experience that a little bit and know what that's about. | ||
| Oh my god, it must have been amazing. | ||
| The 60s would have been so cool. | ||
| Just like when the first counterculture movement first happened and music was just awesome in the late 60s, Woodstock era. | ||
| That was just a cool time to be alive. | ||
| But I have fat thighs, so I could never wear the pants that were available from it at the time. | ||
| You could wear them, bro. | ||
| You're just going to get them pleated out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was tougher to do in the 70s and 60s. | ||
| It was before the internet. | ||
| You couldn't find your specific pair of... | ||
| What's up with people that want to go back to those eras so bad they get those really bad tattoos? | ||
| You know those, like, Ed Hardy-looking tattoos? | ||
| Oh, like a boat, the classic, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, what the fuck are you drawing on yourself? | ||
| There's, like, some of those are so bad, but it's, like, purposely bad artwork that's supposed to mimic a time period. | ||
| But it's like, your body's not a museum, though. | ||
| Okay, if you want to mimic that time period, maybe you should get a fucking picture from that time period. | ||
| And put it on the wall. | ||
| It's a lack of creativity. | ||
| Don't put that shitty pirate ship on your ass. | ||
| I have a nostalgia for almost like before any of that time period, where you'll see the pictures from the 50s or something, where it's just like, yeah, the dudes wore suits, the girls had these dresses. | ||
| I'd like to experience that for a little bit, just wearing a suit and a top hat, flipping a quarter. | ||
| Yeah, it's because you're fucking 6'4 and 120 pounds. | ||
| I'd only want to wear a suit, too. | ||
| Not exact measurements, but okay. | ||
| We were watching this Jack Johnson fight on video from, like, what was it, like the early 1900s, and everyone in the audience had one of those hats, those gentleman hats that they would wear. | ||
| They all wore the same hat. | ||
| Everybody had a hat on. | ||
| Like, every guy in the audience, there's thousands of people, they all have those dress-up hats on. | ||
| Oh, Jack Johnson's going to fight a Negro. | ||
| Look at him out there. | ||
| Look at all the hats. | ||
| They're the same hat. | ||
| Everybody's got the same hat on. | ||
| Even today, it's like, accessorizing for a dude is the best look. | ||
| You throw on a watch and a nice hat and just little things, it puts a dude together. | ||
| Like a chick, you want as little shit on her as possible. | ||
| You want it to be as close to naked as possible. | ||
| We don't give a shit about accessories, none of that stuff, but a woman, when they look at us and they see a watch, they're like, oh, this guy's got money. | ||
| This just in, Luis J. Gomez likes fucking dudes who wear a lot of jewelry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| If I'm gonna fuck a man, he's gotta accessorize very well. | ||
| He's gotta have like two or three watches on. | ||
| Joe gave me an opportunity to stop when Jay had to leave, but you insisted on continuing to tell the world that you wanna blow dudes with watches on. | ||
| Accessorizing. | ||
| Nah man, Jay can leave. | ||
| We'll keep this magic going. | ||
| So what's harder than a dude with a watch? | ||
| Seriously, that's a good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is harder than a dude with a watch? | |
| You guys get what I'm saying. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Jay calls me later. | ||
| He's like, hey, how'd the rest of the show go? | ||
| I go, we all just started sucking each other's dicks after a few minutes, man. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about fake diamond earrings and shit. | ||
| Scarves, 1950s tattoos, roller girls, roller derby girls. | ||
| Yeah, I think people that get those, that style, like if they go, I want this old style tattoo, it's a lack of creativity. | ||
| They just want to fit into a certain type of thing. | ||
| They want to look like a type of person with that tattoo. | ||
| They saw another dude at one point and they were like, I want to look like that guy. | ||
| And that in itself is a little bizarre. | ||
| So it's the same thing, like you're saying, it's the same thing as the suits and the hats, basically. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's just trying to look like the next guy or just trying to fit into the fucking thing. | ||
| Whether it's a suit and a hat, it's just a fucking, oh no, now I'll get a tattoo, now I'll get this. | ||
| You see that with a lot of people. | ||
| In LA, New York, you see that a lot where someone's got a crazy different look. | ||
| But you were just trying to fit into that group. | ||
| It's all the same thing, man. | ||
| This is what we do. | ||
| I was goth in high school, and I was nominated. | ||
| Well, not goth, but I was borderline goth in high school. | ||
| How do you mean borderline goth? | ||
| That's like autism. | ||
| Because there was a crew of goth kids that didn't really accept me. | ||
| He's on the spectrum. | ||
| He's on the goth spectrum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a three, maybe 3.5. | |
| That's what it was. | ||
| I used to wear Marilyn Manson t-shirts and I had long hair and eyeliner. | ||
| You're upset at the world. | ||
| But the goth kids weren't really like, you know. | ||
| They didn't dig in. | ||
| That was my crew, okay? | ||
| But yeah, you wanted to just be a part of something and everyone was like, oh, that guy's so unique or weird, but I just looked like a hundred other kids at the mall that shopped at Hot Topic. | ||
| That's a big problem with young people wanting to be a part of something. | ||
| You know, I was listening to the Sam Harris podcast with Christian Piccolini. | ||
| He was a white power guy who was recruited into these white nationalists when he was like 14. The podcast detailing these horrific fucking events that this guy went through and horrific violence against black people. | ||
| He just got sucked into being in a group. | ||
| When he was 14. And here he is now in his 40s, years after leaving, super open and honest about it and talking about it. | ||
| You're like, wow. | ||
| And it makes you realize, like, this smart guy that you're hearing talking at 40 could have been that guy at 14 that got sucked into the group. | ||
| Like, it's not, it isn't really not even whether or not you're smart. | ||
| It's whether or not you have life experience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the path you go down, because it's luck, dude. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, you are just a product of your environment. | ||
| You could turn left when you should have turned right one day, and then your whole fucking life is a whole different thing. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I did some fucked up shit as a teenager that it's like, I happened to land here, but I could have easily just been in jail or been a criminal or legitimately hurt people. | ||
| I could have went down a much different path. | ||
| Well, that's the crazy thing when people have so much hatred towards someone else for having a different view than them or being in a different situation. | ||
| And you're like, dude, just understand. | ||
| You were like two little circumstances away from being that guy. | ||
| I see that a lot with people. | ||
| And I'm on the side of gun rights. | ||
| I'm not for gun control. | ||
| But the people who are really shitty to these teenage kids who are becoming famous. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Dude, if you were a fucking teenager and you could have just been on the fucking news and everyone's praising you because you take this position, we'd all fucking do that shit. | ||
| I said the exact same thing yesterday. | ||
| I was talking about one of these NRA guys that was mocking these kids. | ||
| I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| If anybody should be talking about we gotta do something, it's kids that got shot at. | ||
| Sure, why not? | ||
| They have the floor. | ||
| They're supposed to have the floor. | ||
| They just got shot at, they lost their friends, and they're standing up. | ||
| Maybe they're not informed about a lot of issues. | ||
| Maybe they don't know what a semi-automatic or an AR-15 is. | ||
| Maybe they don't know those details, but they know that no one's doing shit and people keep getting shot. | ||
| And they're kind of badass because they survived like Neo and the Matrix. | ||
| They just fucking were in the right place. | ||
| But here's the thing, no one's talking about that Maryland one. | ||
| You don't talk about the positive ones. | ||
| But, you know, because again... | ||
| Tell the story. | ||
| So, more or less, in Maryland, there was this school shooting where a kid came into school with a gun, but they had an armed security guard. | ||
| He took him out. | ||
| Nobody died. | ||
| Military-training guy got rid of him quick. | ||
| And that's what NRA advocates are saying. | ||
| Like, hey, this is a good thing. | ||
| We should have someone who's an armed and ready responder at the school to prevent this kind of shit from happening. | ||
| And there's a lot of veterans that would take that job... | ||
| Happily, and you would have your kids 100% safe. | ||
| And people are like, no, that's not the solution. | ||
| The solution is take the guns away. | ||
| I don't like the idea of armed security at school. | ||
| I don't like the idea of metal detectors. | ||
| I don't like the idea of arming teachers. | ||
| But it's like, to just dismiss that and be like, no, gun control is the only reasonable measure, I think, is naive. | ||
| But just to the point, like you were saying before, I have no problem with people being like, hey, CNN shouldn't just be putting these kids on without having someone to rebut it. | ||
| Or they shouldn't be putting this on and just take it. | ||
| But to actually go at the kid and be like, oh, this kid's fucking, you know, just milking this experience. | ||
| It's like, whatever. | ||
| Any of us would do a thing like that when we were a teenager. | ||
| And look, I don't have a horse in the race. | ||
| I don't really give a shit. | ||
| I don't really shoot guns. | ||
| And I know, dude, when I have shotguns, it's just been really fun. | ||
| There's no part of me that, like, I think... | ||
| I would swallow it a little more if people that were really big gun advocates would just kind of admit that, dude, it's pretty awesome. | ||
| We want to blow shit up. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| But you get this other sort of thing where I just think that you should have people that are really trained, really responsible, and we should have specific measures in place. | ||
| And I know we do have that, but maybe we should look at it and push that line back even a Because yeah, you're right, even in the example of the dude taking out that kid in that school, I don't necessarily have an issue with having an armed security guard at the school to protect children, but I kind of have an issue with somebody who, you know, you don't know when his girlfriend broke up with him and when this dude went batshit, right? | ||
| So even when you have to give people psychological exams, when do they go crazy? | ||
| When's there a moment where somebody snaps and now they're fucking crazy? | ||
| I'm completely against gun control of just about any kind. | ||
| But I actually think when people, a lot of times Republicans will go, it's not about gun control, it's about mental health. | ||
| I think that's even more of a cop-out. | ||
| Because you're like, what the fuck are you even saying by that? | ||
| When you say mental health, there's lots of people who suffer from anxiety, depression, all these things. | ||
| It doesn't mean that What are you actually going to say? | ||
| I'm for unfettered gun rights, but everyone has to have a psychological exam. | ||
| It's as if there's some way that we can predict who's going to shoot up a fucking school. | ||
| And the truth of the matter is, it's really fucking tough. | ||
| It definitely is, but what you're saying isn't entirely correct because it is absolutely about mental health and you have to be fucking crazy to be a school shooter. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| And most of these people are on some sort of psychiatric medicine. | ||
| There's a giant percentage of them. | ||
| So it is, in fact, a mental health issue. | ||
| Because they're literally on most of them. | ||
| Like the vast percentage of them are on mental health medication. | ||
| So the question is whether or not it's the mental health medication that's causing them to do this shit or whether or not they were already crazy and that medication was just trying to treat this disease and they got a hold of guns and that's the problem is the guns. | ||
| Yeah, so maybe I didn't say that like precisely enough because I agree with everything you just said. | ||
| I'm just making the point that the idea that it's like, oh, all we know is that there's this category of people who have mental health issues and they shouldn't be allowed to get guns is way too broad. | ||
| But no, I actually, I think... | ||
| Again, like you mentioned earlier, it's like, dude, they'll say these, anyone who's real fucked up nowadays, like has a lot of mental health issues, a lot, and is in school, they're going to put them on drugs. | ||
| They put anyone who's borderline on drugs. | ||
| So the really fucked up kids are on like a cocktail of drugs. | ||
| And they'll admit with a lot of these like antidepressants, antipsychotics, that they can cause suicidal tendencies. | ||
| Some of you will even say they cause homicidal tendencies. | ||
| So... | ||
| I think it's pretty reasonable that maybe in some very small percentage of them, they cause you to just fucking want to go, or they push you at least in the direction of wanting to go just shoot up a bunch of people. | ||
| Well, they seem to relieve you of the feeling of consequences. | ||
| They disassociate you from whatever you're experiencing. | ||
| That's one of the most... | ||
| Disconcerting things about the idea that if someone has homicidal thoughts, but they're keeping them at bay, and then they take some pill that's saying, hey, fuck it, let's do this. | ||
| You're not exercising whatever the mental process is of not killing people on your own. | ||
| You need this thing to do it, and then you don't have your medication one day. | ||
| I heard you talk about this the other day. | ||
| It was kind of interesting. | ||
| I forget who was on. | ||
| Maybe it was Metzger or somebody, but you were talking about people that take... | ||
| He was very calm, cool, and collected. | ||
| Metzger was so relaxed on that episode. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| The best advertisement for Caveman Nitro you could have possibly had. | ||
| It will make you into a raving madman. | ||
| The Maryland school shooter was killed by his own bullet, not the school resource officer, police said. | ||
| Oh, he shot himself in the head when the guy was coming after him. | ||
| Okay, but still kind of a similar moral of the story. | ||
| Maybe, maybe not. | ||
| Maybe the guy grabbed his hand and made him shoot himself in the head. | ||
| Listen, this is definitely not the same story. | ||
| The story was that this armed guy took him out. | ||
| Yes, that's what that's what I heard as well. | ||
| That's what I had heard like I'd heard a deceptive version of it then because I heard that this guy engaged in a firefight with this kid and killed him instantly. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I read like Six different articles that said that yeah. | ||
| Yeah, okay, so that maybe that's incorrect. | ||
| There's too many things to pay attention to His shot hit the shooter's gun which is in his hand His shot hit the shooter's gun before or after the shooter shot himself. | ||
| So he shot himself with the gun that got shot afterwards? | ||
| It says, the officer's shot struck Rollins' gun, which was in the teen's hand, the sheriff's office said. | ||
| Nevertheless, his quick action confronting Rollins just three minutes after the teen shot two students has been credited with bringing the incident to a quick end. | ||
| Oh, so the guy did shoot the kid. | ||
| Yeah, but he hit his gun. | ||
| That's not what killed him. | ||
| So he shot him, and then after the guy shot him, he just shot himself. | ||
| Well, he still could. | ||
| It says the praise came even when it was unclear which shot killed the teen. | ||
| He definitely seems like he shot him. | ||
| He really was in a firefight with this fucking guy. | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| Look, I think... | ||
| There's not a single answer to any of this. | ||
| I think it is definitely a mental health issue. | ||
| I think nobody's going to come up with a law that's going to figure all this shit out. | ||
| I joked about it before, but I kind of live my life in a sort of ignorance is bliss state with this type of shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have to guess my kid's not going to be shot to death in a school one day. | ||
| Knock on wood, right? | ||
| I know it's a horrible, horrible thing, but the reality is I don't know if these people that are so obsessed with everything and just they're making it their lives, I almost feel like they're kind of missing the point. | ||
| You know, my kid isn't going to be out at a rally holding a sign. | ||
| I'm not spending my days doing that with him. | ||
| I'm spending my days creating memories with him and just trying to spend my life making a good life. | ||
| And I'm not really politicizing anything with my five-year-old. | ||
| Well, there's people that feel like they want to do something. | ||
| They want to change. | ||
| They don't want this to happen again. | ||
| And if you lost your kid, you'd probably feel that way, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I mean, there's way too many of these things. | ||
| There's way too many of them. | ||
| So we've got to figure out what it is. | ||
| I think the real issue resolved relies rather... | ||
| Here's one giant part of the problem. | ||
| Everybody's looking at the final piece of the puzzle. | ||
| The final piece of the puzzle when it all comes together is the school shooting. | ||
| What gets someone to that... | ||
| Position. | ||
| How do they get to that? | ||
| You got to go to step one, not to step ten. | ||
| If step ten is a school shooting, you got to figure out how do we get less people to go from step one to step two? | ||
| How do we keep more people happy as young people? | ||
| How do we give more people support? | ||
| How do we give more people Therapy, or exercise, or recreation, or friendship, or community guidance, or whatever the fuck we're doing, where we alienate people to the point where they literally want to go and shoot everybody else. | ||
| It's like the physical equivalent of flipping over a game when you're losing. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great analogy, by the way. | ||
| I think that's exactly what it is. | ||
| It's like, oh, this world is so bad for me? | ||
| Well, fuck you, man. | ||
| I'm gonna come fucking make it this for everybody. | ||
| Fuck that nice teacher. | ||
| I completely agree with what you're saying. | ||
| And I think maybe the silver lining in this, like the best thing that could come out of this, and it has nothing to do with the law, is just that kids in high school will fucking think twice before they're brutally ostracizing some other kid. | ||
| Because you're like, hey, watch out. | ||
| That kid might be the one who fucking wants to murder all of you guys. | ||
|
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I don't think they will, though. | |
| That's not the way kids think, dude. | ||
| Kids think they're invincible. | ||
| They're not thinking about that. | ||
| I remember when I, you know, Columbine was such a big news story. | ||
| I was in high school, I believe, at the time. | ||
| I was, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's your birthday, actually. | ||
| You ruined my birthday that year. | ||
| It's a real fucked up thing. | ||
| Dude, it was such a big deal. | ||
| I had never seen anything like that before. | ||
| This is before 9-11. | ||
| 9-11 was the next big, big thing, but it happens so often now that... | ||
| Because of the internet, I almost feel like people are also desensitized to like how crazy it was because Columbine Dude, it was bizarre watching the images on the news of the people running out of that school It was like haunting and I remember watching it and my mom made this point and shoot my mom's a fucking drug addict lunatic But she had these weird little moments in her life where she said some crazy shit and she was like, yeah, she like, you know what? | ||
| Yeah, maybe they shouldn't have fucked with those kids just in a weird way and I was like, oh damn I'm really like defending these like but she just kind of it wasn't defending the act of people getting killed But it was sort of looking at the root, which is what you're saying, and she just kind of made that point. | ||
| It kind of always stuck with me. | ||
| Well, I think even more than like, which I get the point, but even more than other kids bullying them, the truth is if you want to get at the root, you want to be like, hey, parents, fucking love your kids and give them a really good childhood. | ||
| But it's like, how do you actually make that happen? | ||
| There's a natural inclination that animals have to pick on the weaker ones. | ||
| It's a terrible natural inclination that human beings have to avoid. | ||
| Because chickens do it. | ||
| I have chickens. | ||
| My chickens fuck with the smaller chickens, and the less aggressive chickens, they fuck them up. | ||
| They have a pecking order. | ||
| You know, I've seen it with dogs, with one dog, becomes the alpha of the pack, takes over, dominates the other dogs. | ||
| It's a natural thing. | ||
| It's natural. | ||
| It's natural in every single animal community. | ||
| And it's natural with people. | ||
| But we're smart, and we understand the consequence of that. | ||
| And you've got to give those kids a reason to not do that. | ||
| You know, but there's also the problem with, like, if you're going to school with LeBron James, okay, like, standing next to this fucking giant super athlete, you're like, shit! | ||
| What kind of bullshit genetic roll of the dice that I get? | ||
| This motherfucker got all aces. | ||
| He's got five aces. | ||
| Like, he's seven feet tall, he weighs 300 pounds, and he moves like a panther. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Yeah, but you don't need aces to win. | ||
| I love that analogy specifically because, dude, it's so stupid. | ||
| I have a tattoo on my arm and it's just a 2-7 offsuit. | ||
| I'm not a poker player or anything, but that's the analogy. | ||
| Take it off. | ||
| Take that tattoo off. | ||
| Dude, it's such a bad tattoo. | ||
| Grind it down. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| You have no idea, dude. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| Have you thought about doing anything about it? | ||
| No, I have one covered up. | ||
| I have one that says Lou Dog, my first one ever. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Nobody even called me LuDog. | ||
| They just did sarcastically after I got it. | ||
| LuDog, faggot. | ||
| You got that nickname, you introduced it with your tattoo. | ||
| You're like, I'm LuDog. | ||
| I'm trying to give myself a nickname. | ||
| I was 18. I was like, I need a tattoo. | ||
| What can I get? | ||
| And my mind could only go to LuDog. | ||
| That is one of the douchiest thing a human being can do is give themselves a nickname. | ||
| And tattoo it on their body. | ||
| If you just decide... | ||
| I mean, I'm not talking about like a pro wrestler or even a basketball player. | ||
| I mean, for fighters, it's pretty commonplace. | ||
| But for the average person, my friends call me Lou Dog. | ||
| Nobody calls you Lou Dog. | ||
| Nobody was calling me their friend at that point. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright? | |
| I'm not defending any of this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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The point I'm making though is that- It's also not even a good like- Shut the fuck up. | |
| Artistically, it's not a good tattoo. | ||
| It's like everything. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's just bad. | |
| It was like a fat arms. | ||
| I was a fat kid, so it's a blue dog and really small because I could only afford a $60 tattoo. | ||
| It's a little petite blue dog and then below it, it wasn't even the full thing that could connect around my arm. | ||
| It was just a little bit of tribal. | ||
| Just like a sliver, like a two inch sliver of tribal. | ||
| When I was a kid in high school, most of the guys that were doing tattoos weren't good artists. | ||
| There was a few good artists. | ||
| You would find them in magazines and shit, and you'd have to travel to Connecticut to get a tattoo done. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It wasn't like it is now. | ||
| Now, the artists are going from art school right into tattooing, and you're getting these amazing pieces. | ||
| I've never seen tattoos like today in my life. | ||
| I saw one the other day. | ||
| Some guy had Michael Jordan tattooed. | ||
| It looked like a leg or an arm. | ||
| I couldn't tell what it was, but... | ||
| It's like they took a photograph and just wrapped it around this guy's leg. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Yeah, now you go on the internet and you can actually see all their art and just compare it and pick and choose. | ||
| And there's just way more artists and way more people getting tattoos, which is a much bigger market. | ||
| Because the guns they use, like my buddy who tattoos me, shout out Keith Caramello. | ||
| Shout out to Keith Caramello. | ||
| Keith, he's the fucking man. | ||
| Great tattoo artist. | ||
|
unidentified
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Keith the Kid. | |
| Now he's got a nickname. | ||
| But he didn't give it to himself, so it's not douchey. | ||
| Keith the Kid. | ||
| Out in Long Island, dude, and he's got these guns. | ||
| Whatever he does, dude, it's an expensive German fucking engineered gun, and it just doesn't hurt. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa, look at that. | |
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's a Segura tattoo. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| Somebody got Tom Segura tattooed with some sort of a Viking hat on. | ||
| What is that hat? | ||
| Samurai. | ||
| Samurai hat. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| That's an Okinawan symbol. | ||
| On his forehead. | ||
| We get a lot of people that do the Legion of Skanks logo tattoo. | ||
| Why Segura Samurai? | ||
| The artist just made a thing and he offered to give someone a deal if they tatted it on them. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Look how good the microphone looks. | ||
| Fuck, this guy's good. | ||
| What's it? | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| Jamie Lee Parker. | ||
| Jamie Lee Parker, hidden Los Angeles tattoo, West Hills, California. | ||
| Damn, that guy's good. | ||
| That guy's really good. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| See, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Like, these are real artists. | ||
| Like, look how good that Joker is. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| These are real artists who are really, like, when I was a kid, there was a lot of guys who would just take one of those things off the wall, and they'd go, oh, you want a Black Panther on your arm? | ||
| And they would wet it and stick it on your arm and pull it down, and then they would just start tracing that line. | ||
| They'd do a shitty job of doing it. | ||
| A lot of my friends got these dog shit tattoos. | ||
| A lot of them was the Black Panther with the claws. | ||
| Cutting into the skin. | ||
| Yeah, the claws would be red. | ||
|
unidentified
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So. | |
| I see stupid things like Tweety Bird tattoos on the wall. | ||
| I was like, who the fuck would ever choose that? | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My mom had straight up jailhouse tattoos. | ||
| My mom had a money sign that was done with ash with a needle into her hand. | ||
|
unidentified
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Nice. | |
| Gotta get that paper. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| It's ironic, right? | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| Gotta get that paper. | ||
| Let everybody know. | ||
| There's these weird tattoos that just own a period in time, like the barbed wire thing, the tramp stamp even a little bit. | ||
| They all just kind of own that 90s kind of thing that you're like, oh, no one really does that anymore. | ||
| Julian McCall is a dude with a tramp stamp. | ||
| He's got a butterfly tramp stamp. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Yeah, he just got it. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| I guess it's funny. | ||
| Kind of funny. | ||
| Have you seen the Russian prison tattoos? | ||
| There's a couple books about them, they're pretty dope. | ||
| Well, there's one, Fedor Emelianenko, his brother, Fedor's brother, Alex, Alexander Emelianenko, he's got a bunch of crazy Russian tattoos on his body, and he had mob tattoos on his chest, right in front of his delts, and he got them both redone and switched over. | ||
| He's fucking jacked now. | ||
| Have you seen Alexander Emelianenko? | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they were never really jacked in their fighting days. | ||
| Look up Alexander Emelianenko recent muscles picture. | ||
| He just came back. | ||
| Because that was part of their charm. | ||
| He was in the poker for a while. | ||
| Those guys. | ||
| He was in the stretch. | ||
| Yeah, he did a stretch for rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and he came out. | ||
|
unidentified
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He was fighting with Hep C. He's like a fucking, just a bad, scary dude. | |
| Look at him now. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's super jacked. | ||
| That's a good picture, but there's a better picture of him, like, facing head-on, where you go, holy shit. | ||
| Like, he's, like, legitimate. | ||
| No, that's not it. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But you get the point. | ||
| That's what he used to look like. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| He used to look like a bear. | ||
| He used to have, like, I got a little bit of that right here. | ||
| A little bit of fat right here. | ||
| He's got, like, a little bit of that. | ||
| Like right there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Jacked. | |
| Yeah, because part of the charm of the Emilian Ankos was that they were almost kind of like, just looked like that, like, oh, we don't even give a fuck. | ||
| We're just tough Russians. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| Yeah, he got a hold of that fucking USADA shit. | ||
| Look at his left and his right. | ||
| Go back to that picture real quick. | ||
| Look at those tattoos on his peck, on his right and his left side. | ||
| Like, you see them there? | ||
| That's when they were a Russian gang tattoo. | ||
| And he's got a woman on his back. | ||
| No, a skeleton holding a baby tattooed on his back. | ||
| Have you seen his back? | ||
| It's the creepiest shit. | ||
| Go pull up a back tattoo. | ||
| Look at his back. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| A skeleton holding a baby. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do you want on your back? | ||
| Dude, only one thing. | ||
|
unidentified
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Only skeleton holding baby. | |
| That is life. | ||
| What is the scariest image you can think of? | ||
| The skeleton holding baby is life. | ||
| This is what I want to tell the world. | ||
| When you see my back, I am skeleton holding baby. | ||
| Baby has sword. | ||
| Do it now. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| And a bat. | ||
| It is the moment before baby kills skeleton. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And there's bats in the moon and the bats fly. | ||
| He goes, you mess up tattoo? | ||
| Just in South Beach, describe it as some asshole. | ||
| Look at his fucking tattoo, man. | ||
| That is so evil. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Well, I don't think it's American. | ||
| I think that's Russian words, right? | ||
| So who knows what it says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That Russian language is a trip to look at, man. | ||
| When you see Russian typed out, you're like, what? | ||
| You guys, how long have you been doing this? | ||
| It's like, how cold and hungry were you that you came up with this shit? | ||
| Like, this is your language? | ||
| God with us, it says. | ||
| It's Third Reich shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| He doesn't give a fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| We're going to ask you another week. | ||
| Alexander Elnenko. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| God with us is a phrase commonly used in herald... | ||
| Heraldry? | ||
| Heraldry in Prussia from 1701 and later. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Prussia first. | ||
| So it has its roots in Prussia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The German military during the period spanning the German Empire, 1871 to 1918. So it was World War I, and then the Third Reich, 1933 to 1945. So it was in the first two reichs also. | ||
| It wasn't just the Third. | ||
| But the most important thing is that the origins are Prussia. | ||
| Right, and so he's very nationalistic, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, I still... | ||
| So it could be... | ||
| You gotta be... | ||
| Look, dude. | ||
| Oh, today's day and age. | ||
| You know, we all know the swastika, it has other meanings before the Germans took over, but you can't get a swastika tattoo and go, no, no, no, but it's a good one. | ||
| Yeah, but it also is the war cry of the Swedish army. | ||
| See, it's in 1631. It was saying, Gott mit uns by Sabaton during the first battle of Brettenfield in 1631. God with us with the war cry of the Swedish army. | ||
| That was the last time Sweden was picking wars with anybody. | ||
| So this is probably like some Russian gang shit, is what we're missing. | ||
| God is with us, meaning God is with the Russian gang members. | ||
| And we're just jumping to conclusions because the Nazis liked it too. | ||
| And we're also, in America, Nazis are such a symbol of evil shit. | ||
| I don't know exactly, in his culture, in Russia, where they're from, if that's like, fucking, you know, Hitler is this, you know, the antichrist that we kind of make him out to be. | ||
| The Russians and the Nazis didn't get along very well either. | ||
| Well, they also had their own guy. | ||
| They had Stalin just starving people to death. | ||
| And he was responsible for one more deaths. | ||
| And he was responsible for their deaths. | ||
| Of his own people, yeah. | ||
| Well, Hitler killed a lot of Russians, too. | ||
| And so did the Mongols. | ||
| Everybody killed Russians. | ||
| Russians have it fucked up, man. | ||
| That's why they're so hardy. | ||
| That's why they're so dangerous as fighters. | ||
| Those are the survivors, man. | ||
| You've got some cream of the crop genetics over in Russia. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| In a hundred year period, Russia... | ||
| America was in two world wars, but it wasn't here. | ||
| It was like we sent our boys to go fight over there. | ||
| Russia had two world wars. | ||
| Their country straight up collapsed twice. | ||
| They had the Bolshevik Revolution and then the collapse of the Soviet Union. | ||
| And then they had just genocidal dictatorship in between that. | ||
| It was just a bad time to be Russian. | ||
| Well, they've gone through a whole bunch of those in the past. | ||
| When you go look at Russian history, you're like, what is the fuck? | ||
| I went to the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Reagan Library out here, and you get to see how much of Russia they captured, and how much of, like, I didn't know that Genghis Khan had the biggest empire ever. | ||
| Like, they literally owned all of Eurasia. | ||
| And he was fucking like 40% of the people. | ||
| Everybody! | ||
| I mean, that dude, there's some insane number of people that are genetically related to him in Asia. | ||
| Like, insane number. | ||
| Yeah, uh-huh. | ||
| He would like they would do this shit where they would like send like a Fuck it's been a while since I read about this but like they would like send it like when they were gonna conquer like a village They'd like send in like a note. | ||
| It's basically kind of like well look just give up all your shit right now And you'll be okay, and then some of the villages would be like no We're not giving up all our shit kill them anyway, okay, and then they just come in Yeah, and then they do that just to like send a fucking message like even people who agreed to it there It's like brutal brutal shit. | ||
| Have you listened to Dan Carlin's wrath of the cons? | ||
| I've talked about it too many times. | ||
| He's the man, though. | ||
| If you're regularly listening to this podcast, I apologize for the next couple of minutes. | ||
| It's the greatest fucking podcast series ever. | ||
| It's all about Genghis Khan. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I knew he was a bad guy. | ||
| But it's like, my knowledge of Genghis Khan was similar to my current knowledge of Alexander the Great. | ||
| It's like, I heard he was gay. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all I know. | ||
| Killed a lot of people. | ||
| I don't really know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's in modern Afghanistan. | ||
| That area. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know jack shit about Alexander the Great. | ||
| And that was my same thing with Genghis Khan. | ||
| I knew he was a bad guy, conquered a lot of people, you know, owned the world for a while. | ||
| But Dan Carlin's five-part series is so goddamn good that you just really get a really accurate sense of how insane life was back then about what these fucking people did. | ||
| There's one story about the Khwarezmian Shah who sent an envoy to Jin China, and along the way they saw in the distance what they thought was a snow-covered mountain, but as they got closer they realized it was a pile of bones. | ||
| They had killed everyone in the city. | ||
| They killed a million people and stacked them up. | ||
| And these people were, they had abandoned the road because the road was so overrun with bodies that had rotten and decayed that people were getting sick and dying. | ||
| Because there were so many bodies. | ||
| They had abandoned the road. | ||
| With anything anyone cares about today, and this goes for myself too, like anyone who's into like issues or politics, it's like you should always just keep in mind, we have it so fucking good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So good. | |
| We have it so good compared to what like everybody's had. | ||
| But that's what progress is all about. | ||
| We want it so good, we want it better. | ||
| We want it better. | ||
| We want it better. | ||
| We want no this, no that, no violence, no sexism, no racism, no nothing. | ||
| We want it better and better and better and better. | ||
| Well, now we got some ground. | ||
| People are getting more and more excited about gaining more new ground. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like we're never going to have it be perfect, so I almost feel like... | ||
| Why, though? | ||
| Because the concept of there never being any sort of racism, sexism, or, you know... | ||
| Somebody's always going to perceive something as being that, right? | ||
| So the onus is almost on the quote-unquote victim sometimes to take the step back and go like, okay, I'm not a victim right now. | ||
| I'm a brown person, dude. | ||
| If I want to call racism, I can do it every single day in my life, if I really want to, okay? | ||
| And I feel like we're never going to have that because it's very addictive to be a victim. | ||
| It's very addictive to feel like you're wronged in some way. | ||
| And it's also very addictive to look for reasons for it that aren't really necessarily your fault. | ||
| That's true right now. | ||
| Being a SHAW is a very, like, I'm helping the world. | ||
| That idea, people feel like they're doing something good, and you'll never convince them, no matter how ridiculous they might be, you'll never convince them what they're not being. | ||
| My biggest beef, and I agree with you. | ||
| I agree with you, too, though. | ||
| I think that's how progress happens. | ||
| You have to keep wanting to make it better and better. | ||
| My biggest problem with, say, the left-wing activists of today is that it's almost like they want to burn it down because it's not perfect. | ||
| And you're like, okay, just appreciate the steps that we've come, and let's go the next step. | ||
| But don't burn it down, because it can be a lot worse. | ||
| With the way we hold on to ideas and beliefs, it takes several generations for real progress to occur. | ||
| The problem right now is there's so much technological progress that's aiding the physical progress. | ||
| The progress is taking place far faster than it can handle. | ||
| It's almost like going downhill in the snow. | ||
| And you're like, oh, Jesus! | ||
| Like, you're in a car, and you're driving downhill in the snow. | ||
| It's like, you kind of can hit the brakes, but are they really going to work? | ||
| You're ahead of yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You don't have full control. | ||
| And I think as a human species, that's currently the state we're at, where people are trying to force things down, and we're trying to force change. | ||
| And change normally takes a long-ass time to really settle in. | ||
| And it's happening so quick, we can't really keep up with it. | ||
| That's what I think's happening. | ||
| It's like, you know, we didn't have the same way to communicate. | ||
| You can get an idea across the world instantly the same way. | ||
| So I think that people are reacting to that and they don't know how to really deal with it. | ||
| You know, they don't know how to share an idea with somebody that might not agree the same way. | ||
| But we do. | ||
| Because you turn off your cell phone, you go to the supermarket, dude, whoever's, you know, I'm standing next to one line, we get along. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're cool. | |
| No matter what our backgrounds are, what we believe, we're just coexisting. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's like the shit I was saying before about Chick-fil-A versus other businesses, where I'm sure there's some guy who just believes shit that I find horrifying, but I'm just like, hey, let me get a water, let me get a dollar. | ||
| It's like, you don't even think about that shit. | ||
| It's like, yeah, we do exist in this world. | ||
| We, like, come together and do all this shit all the time, but then you can kind of, like, pretend online that you have this, like, we're worlds apart, and I would never do business with this. | ||
| Also, the problem is communicating online. | ||
| It's a shitty way of communicating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People should have conversations in front of each other where they can look at each other and you can work through stuff. | ||
| Podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For real. | ||
| You're 100% right about it because you have an opportunity to be wrong, find out why you're wrong, think about it, process it, as opposed to editing your opinion down and going, here it is. | ||
| This is a very specific, perfect version where it's not even really what your opinion is. | ||
| It's just how people are going to perceive it. | ||
| It's a game. | ||
| You're playing a word game. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're playing word sports. | ||
| You're trying to win. | ||
| And there's a real problem with people that aren't good at communicating one-on-one. | ||
| Because that's really the most valuable form of communication. | ||
| There's two people in front of each other. | ||
| You're like, well, I'm going to write you an email because I can't really talk to you about this. | ||
| And then you get this crazy email accusing you of all sorts of shit. | ||
| And you're reading the tone differently. | ||
| And you call them up. | ||
| Hey, man, what the fuck is this email? | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| This shit didn't happen. | ||
| And then you get together and have a conversation about it. | ||
| Let's talk person to person. | ||
| It was me and Big J. We just got into a thing one time. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| We've been like fucking brothers for a decade and a half almost. | ||
| We're like real close friends. | ||
| We just got into a thing where I just wrote him a long email. | ||
| I was like, yo, I'm going to write it in the form of an email. | ||
| And then he's taking the tone very wrong, so then he writes me back an email kind of shitty. | ||
| And now we're like in a fucking fight, and the reality was I was just trying to communicate like road dates or something. | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| You're like one conversation away from deading the whole thing and just like working it out. | ||
| Dude, text messages, emails, so much is left to interpretation, and depending upon how you're receiving that, if you're in a good mood, you're like, oh, I guess he's just busy, no big deal, he's a good guy, he'll get back to me. | ||
| Or if you're in a down place, like this motherfucker, it's always on his terms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those fucking guys are the worst. | ||
| Did you read our conversations? | ||
| Yeah, everything's always on your terms too, man. | ||
| If I call you and you don't want to talk to me, don't talk to me. | ||
| I'll be okay. | ||
| I don't want to hear this bitch-ass shit where people get angry if you're busy. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| It's always on your terms. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I'm busy! | ||
| And while you're saying it's on their terms, so much of that has to do with your fucking life. | ||
| Like, if you're in a fight with your chick and you don't have the job you want to have and then some guy doesn't return your... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Fuck him, man. | ||
| He's doing this. | ||
| But if everything's going good... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, bro, I know you're on that backcountry hike, but I really appreciate you getting into cell phone service. | |
| You can call me. | ||
| I need to work out this stuff with Michelle. | ||
| She's fucking freaking me out. | ||
| It might be it, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hope you were there when I needed you, bro, and you weren't. | |
| People don't pick up their phone anymore, either. | ||
| I call. | ||
| I'm a caller. | ||
| I have fat thumbs. | ||
| If I text you and I'm angry, I'm going to end a friendship with you because I'm going to be so frustrated with my fat thumbs texting shittily. | ||
| I can't believe Lewis just called me a faglet. | ||
| Text is weak. | ||
| It's weak. | ||
| It's just not a good form. | ||
| It's good like, hey, here's your address. | ||
| See you tomorrow. | ||
| It's good for that kind of shit. | ||
| But that's all. | ||
| That's all it's good for. | ||
| It's not good for express. | ||
| I mean, it's good for fun, too. | ||
| You say shitty things to each other. | ||
| If you know for a fact that you're real good friends... | ||
| Yes, you're right. | ||
| It's like Twitter or something like that is good for like, you know, it's good for like, hey, if you want to check out something cool, go to www.coolstuff.com. | ||
| But it's not good for like, let me explain to you my take on taxation or some shit like that. | ||
| Or even worse, your take on a person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing about your take on a person is you're allowed to have your, obviously, like say some politician or what have you, you're absolutely allowed to have your opinion on them. | ||
| But you're not really talking to them. | ||
| Do you know them? | ||
| There's always a limitation if you're looking at someone from afar, right? | ||
| And if you could sit down in front of someone, some politician that you agree with or disagree with, and then have a conversation with them, then you would find out who the fuck they really are, then you'd find out who the fuck you really are in respect to this argument, and that makes sense. | ||
| But you can't do that. | ||
| There's not enough people. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| There's no way that everybody who has an idea about anybody else can be with them. | ||
| But we have to respect that gap. | ||
| Sports guys are the worst at it. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| When they talk about a certain player being lazy or a certain fighter being a pussy. | ||
| What are you going on about? | ||
| You know, you're talking about a professional cage fighter and you're calling them a pussy, but I read that shit all day. | ||
| I read it all the time. | ||
| And it's that thing where you would never say that if you were in front of them. | ||
| You would never say that in front of them. | ||
| I weirdly think that, like, as a fan, you're buying the right to express that opinion in a weird way, though. | ||
| Not that they're a pussy, but when people get mad at people booing at UFC events, I'm going like, I don't know, they're kind of buying that experience, you know? | ||
| And I can't hate on them if they want to express themselves that way. | ||
| You know, it's sort of a thing. | ||
| I mean, look, I got very humbled doing the podcast with Michael Bisping because I was doing radio on Sirius XM for a while and talking about MMA like I fucking knew anything. | ||
| And then I started doing the show with Bisping, and then I was like, oh, I don't know shit. | ||
| I'm not even going to pretend like I know shit. | ||
| And I'm so much better at it now. | ||
| I'm not trying to fit into this fucking, like, mold or whatever. | ||
| But, yeah, I think that from a fan's perspective, I don't really get mad at them when they start talking shit or start to, like, it's kind of like, it's part of the experience, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no, I mean, I get it, but you shouldn't be disrespectful to people for no reason like that. | ||
| There's a lot of guys that get into it just because they feel like they're behind a wall and they can lob bombs. | ||
| It's a pussy move. | ||
| It's not healthy for you either. | ||
| It's like if you go to an event and there's two guys getting in a cage fucking fighting, to start booing them just seems to me it's like, dude, I mean, come on, man. | ||
| They're fucking to entertain you guys getting in there and putting it all on the line. | ||
| Like, yeah, they have a right to. | ||
| I agree wholeheartedly. | ||
| I would never in a million years, but at the same time, I kind of understand it. | ||
| It's almost like... | ||
| Well, they should be able to boo your comedy shows, too, then. | ||
| Yeah, but I'll tell you why not. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't believe that at a comedy show, if they're booing you during your set, they're completely taking out the experience for everybody else. | ||
| And I feel like at a live sporting event, it's just not the same thing. | ||
| They're not getting in the fighter's head. | ||
| I mean, maybe they are a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They are. | |
| But, you know, I talked to Mike about this, you know, he said, people boo me, they fucking love me. | ||
| Mike's a bank vault. | ||
| He's a different type of person. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| That's why he's a champion. | ||
| He's got a different kind of mental strength. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| That guy can plow through everything. | ||
| And that's why he became a champion. | ||
| I mean, he's like one of the most mentally strong guys to ever fight in MMA. Because he's a guy that, when he started out, he was good. | ||
| He was very good. | ||
| He won the Ultimate Fighter, Season 2, and was a good fighter. | ||
| But willed himself in the position of being a champion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was knocked out, was stopped, was beaten, had his momentum stopped, restarted it right back up again with the same or better enthusiasm every time. | ||
| And deep into his 30s, did it all clean, no steroids, no allegations, no bullshit, just worked hard and was tough as fuck and won the fucking middleweight title. | ||
| That's a different type of mind. | ||
| Dude, I know he lost two in a row, but the fact that he went out there and had a fight that I thought he was going to win until GSP caught him with that left, I thought he was going to win the fight, and then loses to GSP for the title in the biggest middleweight fight probably ever, and then just goes, I want to fight Kevin Gaslam in two weeks. | ||
| Kelvin. | ||
| Kelvin, sorry. | ||
| You go like, Jesus, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's an animal. | ||
| His logic is so good. | ||
| It's such a fucking straight-up, real-ass dude logic. | ||
| He's like, yeah, mate, I already did a training camp. | ||
| Why not get two paychecks? | ||
| Yeah, it was a rough fight though. | ||
| I don't think it was a smart fight for him. | ||
| Probably not a smart fight. | ||
| I agree with you on that. | ||
| Look, George St. Pierre, you know, he took four years off and everything like that, but he's still one of the greatest, if not the greatest of all time. | ||
| And you saw that in that fight. | ||
| I don't think he was... | ||
| I mean, Michael cut him. | ||
| He cut him with those elbows, particularly from the bottom. | ||
| But, you know, George St. Pierre, he's a special guy. | ||
| He really is a special athlete. | ||
| People were really underestimating how great George St. Pierre was. | ||
| He's a guy who beat every person that was ever put in front of him. | ||
| The losses that he had avenged so beautifully. | ||
| Dominantly. | ||
| George St. Pierre is a monster, and I think that everyone, including myself, really didn't think he was going to be able to come back with that long of a layoff and compete the way that, you know, you said to yourself, Mike was just mentally pushing himself forward, getting better and better. | ||
| Michael Bisping today destroys Michael Bisping, a younger Michael Bisping, seven years ago. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He's an older man now. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| It's entirely possible. | ||
| I mean, fighting is such a crazy proposition that even with elite guys, even when someone won a fight, if you made them fight again, would they win 100% of the time? | ||
| I don't think they would. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| So there's things in weird events that can change your fortune in a fight. | ||
| I said that about Ngannou and Stipe. | ||
| I think if Ngannou could beat him a few times, if they fought ten times, he can knock him out. | ||
| If they fight ten times, Stipe definitely doesn't win all ten. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| There's definitely a few that Ngannou pulls off. | ||
| For sure, if they have a rematch... | ||
| See, the thing about... | ||
| Do you have to restart it with a time machine where there's no memory whatsoever about experiencing each other? | ||
| Because you understand patterns. | ||
| That's why it's weird when you see guys fight training partners. | ||
| It's like there's guys that just know each other so well that when they get in there, they've already established a pattern. | ||
| One guy's always bullied the other guy in training. | ||
| One guy's beat the other guy up. | ||
| You can see it when they actually fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, actually, and the other thing, just as we're saying this, I go, yeah, George St. Pierre is the greatest ever. | ||
| If you have to make a case, I don't think there's a stronger case for anyone than for George St. Pierre. | ||
| He beat everyone he ever faced. | ||
| He had two losses that were Matt Hughes and Matt Serra, right? | ||
| And came back and destroyed them in the rematches. | ||
| Matt Hughes twice. | ||
| And Matt Serra just came back and beat him in the third rubber match. | ||
| Never happened. | ||
| And then, after retiring, comes back and wins a championship, a division up. | ||
| Not just that, but finishes Michael Bisping and chokes him unconscious with a rear naked choke that was one of the tightest, most cinched up rear naked chokes I've ever seen anybody perform, ever. | ||
| I mean, he had it like a jiu-jitsu guy. | ||
| Like a lot of MMA guys, they have a harder time getting those gloves fully locked into position. | ||
| Like there's a difference between, there's this, there's a rear naked choke with the palms touching the back of the head, which a lot of people opt for because you don't have to make as much space for the arm. | ||
| You can get back there, you can grab that head, but the real way to do it is like this. | ||
| The real way to do it is a karate chop, where you go to the back of the neck with a karate chop, and once you have that in place, then there's this crazy Crazy leverage. | ||
| And it just squeezes the fuck out of someone's neck. | ||
| When someone really gets one of those locked in, and that's what George did. | ||
| And the way he did it was like as tight and sweet and four-star black belt level rear naked choke that you've ever seen in a USA. All right! | ||
| God damn it, it's hard to listen to you describe it so beautifully. | ||
| That's another thing, dude. | ||
| I never gave a shit at all the same way, like, me and Michael Bisping at this point have become friends, to where it's like, you start to fucking care about these guys. | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| You imagine being a family member, you imagine having somebody, like, your blood is in there. | ||
| You know, being a fan of somebody is one thing, but then you know somebody, and that was hard to watch. | ||
| Schaub's one of my best friends, and I had to do commentary on some of his fights. | ||
| It was a real hard time. | ||
| It was real hard. | ||
| Last couple fights in particular was very hard for me. | ||
| Very hard to, too. | ||
| Like, I have to be as equally enthusiastic about him getting hit as I am about him hitting somebody. | ||
| And I know the guy very well. | ||
| Did you ever show your ass? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I even said, like, everybody knew that I was really good friends with him. | ||
| It was, you know, we had done a bunch of podcasts together, but I was also the guy who talked him into retiring, because I was like, look, I know what's going on. | ||
| Like, and, you know, I've seen this with other people, and I'm not friends with them, and it's not my position to tell people to stop, and I don't know them that well. | ||
| You'd have to know someone real well to know where their head's at, you know? | ||
| That's a sport where... | ||
| See, like, if you're booing a basketball game, maybe, I guess. | ||
| Like, there's something that's so much more intense about a fight. | ||
| Especially, like, there's smart boos, like when someone does something illegal or someone does something cheap or stall weak. | ||
| Yeah, or someone does something that's fucked up. | ||
| There's smart boos. | ||
| But then there's boos where guys were just like facing each other and they're canceling each other out. | ||
| Like you're watching a really high level thing where these guys are trying to solve, what do I have to do to connect on this guy's fucking brainstem and knock his lights out? | ||
| But the UFC is marketing toward these casual fans who are basketball fans and football fans, who aren't really the people who are hardcores, who appreciate the martial arts side of it, what these guys are putting into it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I think they're just marketing. | ||
| I don't think they're marketing towards any specific fan. | ||
| They're not marketing towards people who don't understand it. | ||
| Yeah, but I think that's almost the same thing, because they're just trying to get a mass audience, and the majority of people aren't people who really understand it. | ||
| They want to educate people. | ||
| What makes you say that, though? | ||
| What makes you say they're trying? | ||
| Like, what are they doing, specifically? | ||
| I feel like when they put together fights that don't necessarily make sense in terms of rankings, when they put the interim belts on fights where you don't really need to be there, you just know it's a marketing move because I think a title on a poster will probably sell that many more tickets. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It definitely juices it up when you have an interim title. | ||
| Some marketing dudes are going like, oh yeah, we sell this many more pay-per-views when there's a title. | ||
| I don't know the difference between an interim title or a regular title. | ||
| A lot of the casuals don't know the difference between Michael Bisping or fucking George St. Pierre. | ||
| Look, I'm with you. | ||
| You're just at a bar. | ||
| I almost feel conflicted because I have this part of me that's like a purist that's like, no, it should be just like whoever number one is versus the champion and we should never fuck around. | ||
| That's how it was going for a while. | ||
| At the same time, if they were just like, oh, you know what? | ||
| We just set up Nick Diaz versus Conor McGregor. | ||
| I'd be like, that's the greatest thing that's ever happened and I don't care. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't care about anybody else. | |
| I don't care if Khabib's won 72 fights in a row. | ||
| I don't care if he's in Antarctica. | ||
| I'm flying out. | ||
| I've watched Brock Lesnar fight a hundred out of a hundred times. | ||
| I don't give a fuck where he's fighting, who he's fighting. | ||
| It's just fun and it's exciting, but let's get real. | ||
| I think there was something really pure and what's beautiful about MMA is that it's always going to kind of figure itself out. | ||
| It is the greatest sport because it's the greatest sport. | ||
| Anything can happen any given Sunday. | ||
| It's inherently built. | ||
| The marketing is sort of built in already, right? | ||
| So you can create a pecking order. | ||
| You can create rankings. | ||
| And I think you can kind of just say, hey, the pieces are going to fall where they're going to fall. | ||
| And it's always going to be super exciting. | ||
| And you see with the way they handle Conor or certain guys, they definitely threw that to the side. | ||
| And I think Conor's a great example of it as well, why they don't really care. | ||
| They're like, all right, fuck it, dude. | ||
| Go do Mayweather. | ||
| They had it for a little while. | ||
| Well, they were part of the promotion. | ||
| They made hundreds of millions of dollars off that thing. | ||
| Everybody made a fuckload of money. | ||
| Mayweather made hundreds of millions. | ||
| Conor made a hundred million. | ||
| I don't know what the UFC made. | ||
| Everybody got fucking crazy paid. | ||
| And then they started Zufa boxing. | ||
| And now they're offering... | ||
| Joshua, Anthony Joshua. | ||
| They're offering some crazy contract, apparently. | ||
| That might be bullshit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I haven't asked anybody if that's real. | ||
| But I'm not surprised. | ||
| They realize there's a lot of money in promoting fights, whether it's promoting MMA. Dana has a big background in boxing. | ||
| You know, his son actually just had an amateur boxing fight. | ||
| I saw that on his Instagram. | ||
| Yeah, he loves boxing. | ||
| Dana loves boxing. | ||
| He's always loved it. | ||
| So it's not unusual that they decide to go into it. | ||
| But... | ||
| With Conor, it was like one of those things where you're like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| If Mayweather really wants to fight Conor, and Conor's never had a professional fight and he'd make $100 million, let's see. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Let's see who buys it. | ||
| But I'm just saying, as an MMA purist, we're what's best for the sport of MMA. That's not necessarily the best move. | ||
| Oh, it's not. | ||
| It's a bad move. | ||
| It doesn't hurt it at all. | ||
| Because first of all, it shows you that in the specialties, there are people that have skills and techniques and abilities that just far exceed the very best MMA fighters. | ||
| And you saw that with Conor Floyd. | ||
| Floyd just fucked him up. | ||
| He just fucked him up. | ||
| But Conor caught him a little bit. | ||
| He tagged him. | ||
| Tagged him in the beginning, and you can say that Floyd wasn't going full tilt, and he probably wasn't. | ||
| I would say he definitely wasn't. | ||
| He was definitely trying to wear him out and get him tired, because he knew that he relied on kinetic energy for the first round or two. | ||
| But he still got clipped with a shot he did want to get clipped with. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think Floyd wanted to see what Connor was doing, and he spent the first few rounds kind of taking in data, and seeing, like, okay, what are you doing here? | ||
| What weird shit are you trying? | ||
| But still, I did not think Connor was going to do that good. | ||
| I thought it would be over within three or four rounds and Mayweather would knock him out and he would just outclass him. | ||
| And the fact that it went 10 and then even landed some shots, I was pretty impressed with that. | ||
| It's not the fight itself that's... | ||
| It's not bad as a purist. | ||
| I'm saying it's almost like... | ||
| It's the way they're sort of letting Conor run the show. | ||
| I just kind of feel like the UFC sort of always built this brand. | ||
| UFC, it's the Coca-Cola of MMA. And I feel like Conor is... | ||
| Basically become bigger, or at the very least, as big as the UFC. And he doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He tweeted out the other day, I'm the boss, when he was promoting the video game. | ||
| They did a promo with Dana White as one of the characters. | ||
| But I just feel like that wasn't necessarily the best thing for mixed martial arts as a sport. | ||
| I almost feel like what they were doing with it... | ||
| Doesn't hurt it at all. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| I think it made it bigger. | ||
| Dude, what Conor created was a thing that's like... | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| Dude, even when he fought Marcus Brimage, it was his first fight in the UFC, and I remember already there was an energy in the crowd about Conor fighting, and I didn't even know who this guy was. | ||
| And you're like, why is this such a big thing? | ||
| And then every fight was just a bigger and bigger and bigger thing. | ||
| And then he would create this thing where Dustin Poirier's biggest fight ever is against Conor McGregor. | ||
| And Dustin had had way more big fights than him, but still the big deal was that you're fighting this guy. | ||
| He would create this. | ||
| It was not just that. | ||
| It was the results. | ||
| He put Marcus Grimmage to sleep. | ||
| He starched Dustin Poirier in the first round. | ||
| He slept Jose Aldo in 13 seconds. | ||
| It was all real accomplishments. | ||
| That was why him fighting Floyd Mayweather was interesting. | ||
| Because he was so exceptional as a striker. | ||
| I give the UFC so much credit with building Conor McGregor because he wouldn't have been able to do that anywhere else. | ||
| The UFC is such a big brand that he couldn't have been a Bellator fighter and become a worldwide name the way he is now. | ||
| Probably not, which is weird. | ||
| Bellator is a stupid name. | ||
| They need to accept that. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good point. | |
| They need to accept that. | ||
| It's just so funny. | ||
| I've never even thought about that until you just said that. | ||
| I'm going to make any sense. | ||
| Yeah, that name sucks balls. | ||
| Regency Boxing. | ||
| It's time for Regency Boxing on HBO. What is this nonsense? | ||
| Why would you call it Regency Boxing? | ||
| Why'd you call it Bellator MMA? Just call it MMA. It's fucking MMA. That's what it is. | ||
| Just like when you watch HBO Boxing, it's on HBO and it's boxing. | ||
| But you don't think that it's good that the UFC has sort of built this brand around it? | ||
| Because I think it's weird. | ||
| That's great for the UFC. But for the sport in itself, because in boxing even, you know, you don't really know the difference between any of the title or the organizations or the titles. | ||
| I don't know if the WBC or the W... I don't know if I'm sure about boxing, but even fans don't really know the difference. | ||
| Well, they know who the big guys are. | ||
| They know Anthony Joshua. | ||
| They know his Klitschko forever. | ||
| You know, everybody knows about Deontay Wilder now. | ||
| So there's a few guys. | ||
| But there's a couple other champions that are out there. | ||
| They're like, who? | ||
| Who's this guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that guy, the guy you've never heard of, has like six belts on his arm. | ||
| There's like a silver championship. | ||
| There's intercontinental championships. | ||
| Everybody gets belts. | ||
| There's ugly belts, too. | ||
| Boxing titles look like a fucking big old... | ||
| The UFC nailed it with that belt. | ||
| It looks like a fucking champion belt. | ||
| When Conor had two of them, he goes, where's my other fucking belt? | ||
| I want to be the champ champ. | ||
| He's got the two of them on his arms. | ||
| Look, man, there's no sport like it. | ||
| There's nothing like it. | ||
| Nothing's going to hurt it. | ||
| As long as people are interested, as long as people enjoy it as much as I enjoy it, as much as I enjoy watching it, as much as I enjoy calling it, as long as that's going to be the case, there's always going to be kids coming up like the Sean O'Malley kid, that wild motherfucker. | ||
| Have you seen that kid? | ||
| Instagram is just all him smoking weed. | ||
| He's a fucking savage. | ||
| He's out there just doing bong hits, kicking people in the face. | ||
| Dumb afro. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And that fucking kid is like, this is this new breed. | ||
| There's this new guy. | ||
| They love it so much. | ||
| And when they're doing it, they love it so much. | ||
| And they're so good. | ||
| And they're going to be better. | ||
| The next generation, they're just going to keep getting better and better and better. | ||
| And that's what Conor did as well. | ||
| Yes, he opened up that window because everyone's going to get paid a lot more money. | ||
| You see people talking about hundreds of millions of dollars at stake. | ||
| It's like everyone's going, huh, okay. | ||
| That sugar Sean O'Malley could be a fucking multi-multi-millionaire in a couple years. | ||
| I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| That kid could be huge. | ||
| And that's just off his CBD oil company. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| He's a fucking wild man, too. | ||
| The way he fights. | ||
| Was he gaming? | ||
| He's got one of them gaming chairs. | ||
| But he's good, man. | ||
| And the thing about him is he's like super creative. | ||
| What is that thing down that... | ||
| Go to the left-hand side and scroll down to that video of him working out. | ||
| What is he doing there? | ||
| What is he doing here? | ||
| He does a lot of weird, crazy shit. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Yeah, like he's practicing. | ||
| And he does that 360 takedown to the back control. | ||
| I mean, he might not ever do that in real life, but he might hit that all the time. | ||
| See, he does that high kick, but look at the spin. | ||
| See that spin for the guard pass? | ||
| That's very confusing, because a lot of times guys dive straight in, and guys who are good, especially the half guard, wind up wrapping them up real quick. | ||
| But he does a spin around it. | ||
| The way he hits that, if he does that over and over and over again, I bet he can do that in a fight. | ||
| Well, that's a cool thing about now. | ||
| I think Anthony Pettis was that first holy fuck moment with the last WEC event ever, the jumping kick or whatever. | ||
| But you get guys that are so athletic now, and now that there's so much money in the sport, guys that might have went into... | ||
| You know, football or basketball. | ||
| Now we're looking at MMA as an option, whereas you just kind of weren't getting that years ago. | ||
| So they're super athletes. | ||
| Think about that, dude. | ||
| How dangerous are these guys going to get? | ||
| I always wonder about that. | ||
| Like, are they ever going to get too dangerous where they're going to have to alter the rules because they're too athletic? | ||
| They can cause too much damage. | ||
| They're not going to be much different than the best of the best now, like a Francis Ngannou or a Stipe Miocic or a Tyron Woodley. | ||
| When you look at a guy like Tyron Woodley, that is about as explosive as a man who can step on a scale at 170 pounds for a brief amount of time can get. | ||
| Yeah, and as good as they get, the competition kind of gets better, too. | ||
| So yeah, if Tyron Woodley fought people from UFC 2, you'd be like, this should be illegal. | ||
| We will murder these people. | ||
| Run Scott Morozo versus Tyron Woodley. | ||
| Tyron Woodley could fight seriously. | ||
| 60 people in a row from UFC 10. Tyron is only 170. I mean, he wouldn't be... | ||
| But if they had real 170 fighters... | ||
| But he's not really 170. Toys was 170. Yeah, he's bigger than Toys. | ||
| He's really about 205-ish. | ||
| But, oh yeah, he fucked a lot of those guys up. | ||
| From UFC 5? | ||
| He fucked those heavyweights up. | ||
| What would UFC when you start having problems? | ||
| It would be like UFC 50 before it would even be an issue. | ||
| You get into Don Frye. | ||
| Once you got into Don Frye. | ||
| Don Frye was a big fella. | ||
| Yeah, but time runs so quick. | ||
| He's very quick. | ||
| He might just land a knockout shot before Don Fry could do anything. | ||
| Don Fry could also take a tremendous punch. | ||
| Remember that fight with Don Fry and Takayama where they just stood in front of each other and wailed at each other? | ||
| Bam, bam, bam, bam. | ||
| They both just landed right hand after right hand like a fucking movie. | ||
| It was one of the craziest things anybody ever saw ever in the movie. | ||
| This crazy tournament won't go down! | ||
| Don Frye's a man's man. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Have you had him on the podcast? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| I would love to though. | ||
| He was a boss and he's a great personality too. | ||
| We had him call in a few times. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| And he paid the price physically for that career. | ||
| You know, he's had some serious health consequences like real neck injuries and back injuries. | ||
| His body just got beat the fuck up. | ||
| Like he had real neck and back problems. | ||
| You know, from all those punches and takedowns and neck cranks and all that shit, you know? | ||
| He was there the early, early, early days, too. | ||
| Yeah, this is the one. | ||
| Look, he gets hit with a knee, and they get in a clinch. | ||
| They're just wailing on each other. | ||
| It's crazy, dude. | ||
| But this is why we got into MMA. Look at this. | ||
| This is fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, look at these guys. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't seem real. | ||
| It literally doesn't seem real. | ||
| That they could just stand and wail on each other and Takayama's face is just a swollen mess after this. | ||
| Don Frye's cut on the forehead. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| But Don Frye, he was one of the first guys to figure out a way to shut down. | ||
| We were talking about the other day with Pat Miletic, shut down Brazilian Jiu Jitsu guys like this. | ||
| Look at his fucking mount. | ||
| He was a real good wrestler and he had a very good top game and he also was a good boxer too. | ||
| And just a fucking stud. | ||
| Just a stud. | ||
| And not the biggest guy in the world either. | ||
| When he first fought in the UFC, I believe he was only 200 pounds. | ||
| And he fought a guy who was like three-something and fucked him up in like six seconds. | ||
| He fought some big overweight guy and he cracked him with a jab and dropped him with a jab and just beat him down on the ground real quick. | ||
| I think he beat everyone until he ran into Mark Coleman in the UFC and then that was just this giant wrestler. | ||
| Too big, too strong. | ||
| Literally how me and Dave Smith became friends. | ||
| We were roommates and we started renting UFC like... | ||
| That's how we got into UFC? Yeah, best of knockout videos together, smoking blunts, drinking Heineken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Old school. | |
| Bruce Beck days. | ||
| You know what's weird is that we got into it and like right around the time that we were getting into UFC the ultimate fighter dropped. | ||
| So it was almost like we got into it at the same time that the country got into it. | ||
| Like we got into it a few months earlier and then all of a sudden this thing no one gave a shit about was just like blowing up. | ||
| I remember we got to do it during season one so much that season two of The Ultimate Fighter was coming out. | ||
| We were like, dude, this is it. | ||
| Season two, Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| This is fucking nuts. | ||
| Fight's on TV. Let's do it. | ||
| And there wasn't a fight in the first episode of season two. | ||
| We were furious. | ||
| We almost broke our TV. We watched a real world episode. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was ridiculous. | |
| It was the real world. | ||
| That's funny, but it was also like a perfect storm of like people getting interested in it and then having that Ultimate Fighter reality show back in the days where people, you know, I still watched reality shows back then. | ||
| Now you can't even fucking hold a gun to my head and get me to watch a reality show unless they're trying to survive in Alaska. | ||
| I got like five of those saved. | ||
| I love those shows. | ||
| Like Life Below Zero, that's my jam, dude. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| They're out there finding salmon shit to eat and just chopping down trees, trying to stay alive. | ||
| That I could maybe get into. | ||
| But I will say, I think there's something interesting about the post-reality show world. | ||
| Like we got over reality shows, but I feel like we're never the same. | ||
| Like you never quite go back to like, even just like in like what you do with this show versus a radio show. | ||
| Like you're not starting to like, hello, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, you know, we don't want any of that now. | ||
| We just want like an honest conversation. | ||
| I feel like in entertainment in general, you want something that it just seems it's not as showy. | ||
| It's more just like what real life would be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's that's what people want for sure You know I mean and the thing about it is it's like it's led to a guy who was a reality star was the president that's as weird as it gets and Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that is a reality star president. | ||
| He's not a politician, just a businessman, got on a TV show, was a big-time celebrity, and now he won a popularity contest. | ||
| So he's the runner of the country. | ||
| If that isn't an advertisement for just fucking motivation... | ||
| I don't know what you want to say. | ||
| Like, he just said, I want that. | ||
| Or just an advertisement for how much fucking the system sucks. | ||
| That's my favorite thing about Donald Trump. | ||
| I used to have to really argue with lefties about how democracy is a flawed system, but now you just look at it and you're like, yeah, so how about that? | ||
| Yeah, he was able to convince more fucking dummies than your person was, and now he's your leader. | ||
| Awesome if you have four people and they're all equally intelligent. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| We all get together and figure something out rationally. | ||
| But when you get to a place where you can't even communicate with those people anymore, because there's 300 million of you, and you're scattered across a continent, but you're all supposed to be on the same team voting over really important issues that you probably don't even know anything about, like what you were talking about earlier about assault weapons or fracking. | ||
| You bring up anything to certain people. | ||
| Offshore drilling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What are we doing? | ||
| I don't even know if we're supposed to be for or against fracking. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| You definitely shouldn't be for it. | ||
| I don't think it's proven that it's safe long term. | ||
| Because they're getting into water supplies. | ||
| They're causing earthquakes. | ||
| There's a lot of real consequences. | ||
| There's definitely a lot of There's also definitely a lot of wealth that was created, a lot of energy that was created. | ||
| And energy does very positive things, but I agree with you on that. | ||
| It's positive and negative. | ||
| The problem is everybody wants to discount the negative or discount the positive. | ||
| And I agree with you. | ||
| Yes, no one agrees that it's actually a cost-benefit ratio. | ||
| But the thing that's, like what you were saying before, with four people, democracy works. | ||
| But I think a lot of it is, like, okay, so if we get into a fucking thing, like, let's say we're in a car crash, and one of the people in the car, or a car breaks down, rather, and one of the people in the car is a mechanic. | ||
| We don't sit here and go like, well, let's vote over who gets to do this. | ||
| You just go, well, you're a mechanic. | ||
| If the three of us are out in the fucking woods hunting elk, me and Louis don't go like, well, I think we should do it this way. | ||
| We go, Joe, you've done this a lot before. | ||
| Dude, you don't know me that well, do you? | ||
| All right, Louis is going to be a dick in the woods. | ||
| Joe, give me that bow. | ||
| He's going to ruin the whole experience. | ||
| Most of the time, just pure voting isn't how you get to something. | ||
| You defer to experts. | ||
| And when you just have this voting thing where it's like, well, we'll all just cast a vote. | ||
| The dumb people, the same as the smart people. | ||
| The educated, the same as the uneducated. | ||
| You end up with this competition to just say bullshit that gets anyone up. | ||
| Well, I'm gonna make America great again. | ||
| Well, Donald Trump empowers the worst elements of our society. | ||
| And you're like, this is all fucking retarded. | ||
| I gotta pee again. | ||
| I can't believe this. | ||
| Should we end it? | ||
| Or should we keep going? | ||
| We're at three hours? | ||
| Alright, we should end it. | ||
| If two of the three of us need a pig. | ||
| Listen, I'm so excited that we did this. | ||
| We gotta do this more often. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely, dude. | |
| When are you guys gonna be in LA again? | ||
| Next time you invite us on? | ||
| Alright, we'll do this again. | ||
| This is, surprisingly, it worked really well with four people, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Jeff. | |
| We didn't step on each other. | ||
| It was a lot of fun, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| And Legion's Gangs, of course, is available everywhere. | ||
| Are you guys on YouTube as well, or just on iTunes? | ||
| Oh yeah, Legion Skanks is everywhere. | ||
| We have our own platform called GasDigitalNetwork.com. | ||
| That's our network. | ||
| Skankfest is? | ||
| July 14th and 15th. | ||
| Pre-sale tickets April 2nd. | ||
| Go to R.H.F.E.R.'s Twitter for more details. | ||
| Tickets on sale when? | ||
| April 2nd is pre-sale. | ||
| It's going to be nuts. | ||
| And where do they buy the tickets? | ||
| SkankfestNYC.com. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Alright, everybody. | ||
| Thank you. |
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