March 27, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:33:19
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| With insulated walls, put it in five, four, three, two, one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Someone's got a new Netflix special Couldn't think of any other way to start The opposite of what I thought you... | |
| Wow. | ||
| So you do have a new Netflix special. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I don't want this to be like an interview. | ||
| No, but I like it. | ||
| I'm actually proud of it. | ||
| You know, it's like, I'm still proud of it. | ||
| You know, usually a certain amount of time will go by where I'm like, oh, like by the time I'm, even now I've gotten it better on the road. | ||
| Because, you know, the day after you shoot it, you go out on the road. | ||
| And you're a murderer. | ||
| And you have a little fun with it. | ||
| And that's when you go, oh, and then you go, oh, I, but I'm still proud of it. | ||
| And it was my favorite thing. | ||
| The guy did, Jeff Rowe was the guy who, and Scott Moran, but just everything I wanted, they did it. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| The look, the lighting. | ||
| I did it at the Lyric. | ||
| And the Lyric is great, but there's no doubt. | ||
| Is the Lyric in LA? The Lyric is in LA. It's like at Melrose and La Brea. | ||
| But they sort of used it as a shell, and it's already a pretty cool club. | ||
| The biggest compliment I got, someone said, you know what's weird about your special? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to go there, and it doesn't exist. | |
| What it looked like. | ||
| Like, where is that? | ||
| They had good set people. | ||
| It just looked like a cool jazz club in New York City that was maybe... | ||
| But it wasn't small because it was an after... | ||
| You know, sometimes it's small, but it's shitty. | ||
| But that's the look, and it's cool. | ||
| It's sort of a... | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| Kitschier. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what that word is. | ||
| Yeah, it's charming, and that's the look they want. | ||
| I didn't want that. | ||
| Not that I think that's bad, because some people have done that really well, and it's a cool way to see a comedian just in a cool little raw space. | ||
| But I want it small, but like... | ||
| It's a jazz club in New York City, but it's like 150 bucks to get in, and it holds 100 people. | ||
| It's like that type of thing. | ||
| Run like a theater. | ||
| Well, you helped design one of my all-time favorite clubs, Helium in Philly. | ||
| You helped design that place, didn't you? | ||
| Well, when Mark... | ||
| Mark, he, Acme, Lewis Lee said, you know, Todd's from Philly, he'll probably love to give you advice. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So when it was just a warehouse, like cement, I met him down there. | ||
| And he's like, I'm thinking of opening up a club. | ||
| And, you know, I told him a lot of stuff. | ||
| I wrote, I made like, well, email, you know, like six pages of stuff. | ||
| You know, here's very detailed things. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| He listened to a lot of it. | ||
| Like, I give him credit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's a great fucking club. | ||
| Like, there's something about those intimate spaces. | ||
| Like, one of the things that I've noticed when I take people on the road with me... | ||
| Is that guys who have never worked at theater like it takes a few tries to get they go. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| This is a whole different thing There's so many people here. | ||
| You've got to kind of project out to them. | ||
| It's like a different thing It's not you don't feel them the way you feel them at the in the OR right on like a Wednesday night, right or Comedy works in Denver where they're on top of you. | ||
| You know like you feel the people there more, right? | ||
| Yeah, and then you learn it pretty quick, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Do you ever do the belly room at the store? | ||
| I've done it a few times, and of course, it's... | ||
| I love little rooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I love, like... | ||
| Well, when I used to do Tempe, you always did that side room on purpose. | ||
| They were trying to get you to do the big place. | ||
| Well, the side place, you know, not to get too, but you get it. | ||
| Yeah, the side place, I was jealous. | ||
| I remember I came over, I was in the other, the regular one, which is great. | ||
| I was having a good time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| But when Joey and I went next door and watched you, I was like, this room's better. | ||
| Well, even in D.C., which I think is a good example, D.C. has a 60-seat room. | ||
| And whenever I'm in there, I go... | ||
| I give it... | ||
| I had a two-piece band playing. | ||
| They put black tablecloths on all the tables. | ||
| The lights are gelled blue. | ||
| So now people are turning the corner into this thick blue room with two guys with black suits playing jazz as they're being seated and eating. | ||
| So now... | ||
| I don't feel like it's an afterthought. | ||
| What you just said, and I'll take it as a compliment, the other comedian that's in the main room there, which is an awesome room, but you look into the little room and you're like, it just looks like something's going on, and that's how I want it to look. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yeah, no, it does make sense. | ||
| It's more of a hang, right, than a big show. | ||
| And your style's so loose on stage, like lends itself to intimacy. | ||
| You know, lends itself to those nice, compact spots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you ever do the Ice House, the annex room? | ||
| I mean, not forever, but yeah, I know what you mean right away. | ||
| That one's the craziest. | ||
| The Ice House is about as... | ||
| It's as deep as this room. | ||
| It goes side to side a little bit. | ||
| I think the whole room that annex only gets, what is it, like 70 people? | ||
| Maybe 70 people. | ||
| And all the chairs are like facing the audience. | ||
| See, that says, oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| You're sitting here. | ||
| You're going to say goodbye to your friend for a little while. | ||
| Yeah, this shit. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Like some of the improvs, and then the people are watching the show like this, and they have to kind of turn and look past the person next to them. | ||
| They're trying to feed you food, too. | ||
| Like you're working in a half restaurant. | ||
| The thing about, I will say this, about a good club, most of the food's been served or I couldn't do what I'm about to tell you that I've done. | ||
| So the club has to at least be good at going, no, we get the food out. | ||
| We have food we can get out. | ||
| By the time the show started, we try to have the whole room serviced. | ||
| So in the event, like Helium does that. | ||
| So I started making this announcement, and I would tell people, because I do my own pre-show announcement, it has to do with what you said about when they're sitting sideways. | ||
| And I would just go, real calm, real calm. | ||
| Other than that, folks, hey, now's a good time to turn your chair around. | ||
| You're always going to have to annoy someone to the right or the left of you, but now's the time to do it, and once all the chairs are facing the stage, we'll get this thing started. | ||
| Play a little house music. | ||
| And then you know what? | ||
| They wouldn't do it. | ||
| But another 30 seconds I'd go, so we're just waiting for all those chairs to get turned around and then we'll get it started. | ||
| So it looks like we're close to showtime. | ||
| And the second time, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| Every chair in the room, they're like, oh, they're nuts. | ||
| But, you know, I get it. | ||
| It's a pain in the ass. | ||
| And if I was in the audience, I wouldn't want to turn my chair around. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Once someone made me do it, you'd enjoy the show better. | ||
| And they do. | ||
| Have you ever used those yonder bags? | ||
| You know what those bags are? | ||
| They make people put their cell phone in a bag? | ||
| Yeah, Denver has them. | ||
| Yeah, Denver uses them for all their shows now. | ||
| I started using them for all my shows. | ||
| So a company comes in and just does it for you? | ||
| Yeah, you hire them. | ||
| They come in, and then when they put the phone in the bag, they still hold onto their phone. | ||
| They can leave the room if they get a phone call. | ||
| You have a kid or something like that, and someone's watching the kid, you can always get out of the room and make a call. | ||
| But you can't call people when you're in the room. | ||
| And I was having people calling people and talking on the phone. | ||
| You could see them talking on the phone while the show's going on. | ||
| And people around them would be getting pissed off. | ||
| And someone on Twitter commented on it. | ||
| And everyone's got their phones up. | ||
| Look, I know. | ||
| I've done it, too. | ||
| I'm totally a hypocrite. | ||
| When I saw Honey Honey with Gary Clark... | ||
| We performed in this little tiny room in downtown LA. It was a midnight show on like a Tuesday. | ||
| And I filmed it and I put it on my Instagram. | ||
| So I know I'm a hypocrite. | ||
| But that was a rare occasion and it wasn't a comedy show. | ||
| It's like a comedy show, you have to pay attention to what the fuck's going on. | ||
| If you're filming it, you're definitely not paying full attention. | ||
| It's just not, you're gonna miss some stuff. | ||
| It's just not the same thing. | ||
| When you're filming shit, like, everybody is just, and even if you're not, you're checking this and checking texts and, boy, we got a real addiction problem in this country with you. | ||
| These are new things. | ||
| These are new objects. | ||
| I realize, because I'm not delusional, that the amount of it, I can put most of it to rest with a pre-show announcement, where I'm at in my career. | ||
| But I get it. | ||
| As you get to different levels, there's different intensity, so I get it. | ||
| I changed my pre-show announcement when I went to see Brian Regan. | ||
| The person next to me, they were texting. | ||
| I couldn't hear them. | ||
| Matter of fact, they even had their light down. | ||
| So you think, well, what could bother me? | ||
| And it did. | ||
| And it didn't matter if it was right or wrong. | ||
| I know what it was. | ||
| I wanted the person next to me to be loving him as much as I was loving him. | ||
| And the fact that I saw him on their phone all night, even they weren't making a peep, it started to bother the fuck out of me. | ||
| I was getting angry, and then I went... | ||
| I'm going to do the same thing at my show. | ||
| I go, don't turn your thing all the way down. | ||
| I go, I know what you think, and you pull it out near your knee. | ||
| I go, seriously, if you pull your phone out after this announcement, you look like a dick. | ||
| I go, and other than that, we're glad you're here. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| You just have to pinky that announcement a little longer, but it works. | ||
| I'm worried about people. | ||
| I really are. | ||
| This is a really new thing. | ||
| The more I'm thinking about it, the more looking at your phone constantly is really only 10 years old. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like 2008-ish? | ||
| The iPhone came around in 2009, right? | ||
| Before that, people were a little texty. | ||
| Some people were more texty than others. | ||
| They really got into text messages. | ||
| But once that iPhone came out, and once people started doing a bunch of stuff and apps and stuff on your phone, it changed the whole game. | ||
| You know, I don't know... | ||
| With this topic, if I'm like... | ||
| I could be way off, or I could be off-kilt, but the way I come to my conclusion about, like, you know, it is a weird thing. | ||
| And even me, I could acknowledge it. | ||
| Otherwise, if I don't acknowledge it, then you're never going to tell someone the opposing side if they don't think you get what I... Yeah, you see it. | ||
| But it just seems like in the past... | ||
| Now, this could be different. | ||
| With no snarkiness at all, this could be a different thing. | ||
| Every time they think there's one of these things, like TV, radio, it just seems like we get past it. | ||
| Oh, I think we'll get past it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I didn't think the world was going to explode. | ||
| No, I'm worried about certain... | ||
| I'm not worried about the human race, but I'm worried about the lives of certain people, if that makes sense. | ||
| Because it's like saying, like, are you worried that crack's going to destroy the human race? | ||
| No, I'm not worried that crack is going to destroy it, but I do think it can destroy the lives of some people. | ||
| And I feel the same way about this. | ||
| Right, like the texting. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| It's like being plugged into electronics to the point where that's where you're getting most of your stimuli from. | ||
| You're getting artificial stimuli. | ||
| My concern, and this is a real concern, is that we're getting really into that and that we're going to let it take the next step, which is some sort of an implant. | ||
| I feel like we're in a movie. | ||
| We're in a movie about a person that becomes a machine. | ||
| And we're watching this rationalization process as we slowly get more and more ingrained and interconnected with technology. | ||
| We'll definitely, in our lifetime, have somebody like... | ||
| 100%. | ||
| What you were just addressing, like we said before, like I... I catch myself, and I really try, like if I had to give myself a grade on how much I've improved on turning the phone off, loving it for what's great about it, I give myself maybe a C-, but it means I've made some strides in turning it off. | ||
| You're not an F. Not an F. Not from far. | ||
| Matter of fact, I remember a week ago, I was going to the Grove, and I went, I'm not meeting anybody, and I left my phone in the car. | ||
| Ooh, strong move. | ||
| Strong move. | ||
| Now what sucked is I had two ideas. | ||
| I had two ideas and I was high and I didn't want to write them down. | ||
| I went, ah shit, that's the thing about leaving your phone in the car. | ||
| Take a picture or show someone a picture or it doesn't have to always be. | ||
| But anyway, I try. | ||
| I go and, you know, never walking through a line. | ||
| That actually could encourage you to write. | ||
| You know, you could just use... | ||
| I hate writing. | ||
| But I mean saying, you can only use your phone when you have a note or an idea. | ||
| That's the only time you could use it. | ||
| So you make like a loophole. | ||
| Like, I'm pretending that I don't even have this phone unless I need to make a note. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I could put it on airplane mode. | ||
| You could put it on airplane mode. | ||
| And still have it for the other stuff. | ||
| Although it weighs my pants down, oddly enough. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Good conversation, right? | ||
| It does do that. | ||
| No, it does. | ||
| They jam in your pockets and shit. | ||
| That's why I like fanny packs. | ||
| People just mock me relentlessly. | ||
| Can I tell you something? | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| I say it all the time. | ||
| When I go, especially if I have my Altoids, and then I have a pipe, and then I go, what the fuck? | ||
| You're a pipe guy? | ||
| I still do for some reason. | ||
| You're old school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's old school. | |
| What else? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| You like jazz clubs? | ||
| You like pipes? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What is your typical way to smoke? | ||
| Mostly joints or vape pens. | ||
| You know, it's the rolling of the joint that I... Oh, I have a question for you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I think you might know the answer. | ||
| I smoke... | ||
| I'm not going to blame you if something happens. | ||
| I know I switched conversation completely, but you might have the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No worries. | |
| I have two things I want to ask you a question. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Did I interrupt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Not at all. | ||
| I smoke now seven nights a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So I'll have like a joint. | ||
| I would say if I had to put it in joint size, maybe a joint per night. | ||
| So it's not that. | ||
| It's not a tremendous amount. | ||
| Just at night. | ||
| Not that I'm saying. | ||
| I want a prize for that. | ||
| Just for me, it works better at night. | ||
| But I say I quit smoking. | ||
| And I did. | ||
| I quit smoking. | ||
| I used to smoke around a pack and a half a month. | ||
| Is this as bad? | ||
| Pack and a half a month is pretty... | ||
| It wasn't horrendous, but I quit because I had a... | ||
| Couple a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is this smoking seven nights with just a joint as bad as when I smoke cigarettes? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| It's not even close? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It's not even close. | ||
| There's no evidence that marijuana smoke causes cancer. | ||
| What you can do is get respiratory irritation. | ||
| It can fuck with your voice. | ||
| What about tar? | ||
| You can avoid all that stuff, is what I was going to say, with a vaporizer. | ||
| Vaporizer is the way to go. | ||
| But it is a different high, oddly enough. | ||
| Vaporizer seems like a little bit more clean in some weird way. | ||
| When I get high with a vaporizer, I'm always like, whoa, this is like a... | ||
| It's almost as if... | ||
| This is going to sound so crazy. | ||
| There's something that has to do with the fire interacting with the plant that connects you to nature. | ||
| There's something about a lit joint. | ||
| You take it in, and I feel natural. | ||
| When I vaporize, I feel alien. | ||
| When I vaporize, I feel like, what this is, is like, let's extract all of what it is to be a living thing and get to the molecules. | ||
| What's the molecule? | ||
| What temperature do I heat those bitches up where I can shove them right in your bloodstream? | ||
| That's what the vaporizer sees. | ||
| The vaporizer's like, hang on, Hannah! | ||
| Like, woo! | ||
| Like, it's just, you're not connected the same way. | ||
| It's connected a different way. | ||
| They're both amazing. | ||
| It's not a judgment call. | ||
| That's what most people probably agree. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| Most people do, I think. | ||
| They'll be like, yeah, I know. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| Even a joint, I don't roll joints because I'm lazy, but whenever someone has a joint and they put it, I go, this is when I, this just happens so, I get a little higher. | ||
| I like the smoked joints. | ||
| It feels like it's real clear what's happening. | ||
| There's a lot of these vape pens. | ||
| You've got to press them five times, then hold them, and you're sucking it in. | ||
| You don't know what's in that oil, man. | ||
| Who's making that stuff? | ||
| Who's making that shit? | ||
| They yell at you when you can't do it. | ||
| Just press it twice. | ||
| It doesn't work as easy as you think. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ with the press it twice. | ||
| I got one more thing. | ||
| Do you ever fuck around with spray? | ||
| Jumbo spray? | ||
| You ever fuck around with Jumbo? | ||
| Do you know what Jumbo is? | ||
| You put it in the water? | ||
| No, super organic, really high-end edibles and spray. | ||
| And this fucking spray will put you on the moon. | ||
| Wow, do you have any? | ||
| Of course I do. | ||
| Wow, but I have to drive. | ||
| I have someone hanging with me today. | ||
| John Brand Wagner. | ||
| Give him a shout-out. | ||
| I give him a shout-out, you piece of shit. | ||
| This is the... | ||
| A thousand milligram? | ||
| Like, if you drank the whole bottle, it's a thousand milligrams. | ||
| That's too much to have, of course. | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| I wouldn't have a half a spray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| So do you think I'm safe to do it right now? | ||
| It's always fun to experiment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, just a little spray. | |
| Especially because you're saying to do it. | ||
| You know why it's more comfortable? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because if something happens to me and I can't... | ||
| You blame me? | ||
| Let's just don't blame you. | ||
| Let's do it afterwards. | ||
| Unless you want to do it now. | ||
| I'm like the worst crack dealer ever. | ||
| You can do it now. | ||
| Well, I mean, everybody wants to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just give it a taste. | |
| Let me have a little. | ||
| I'll have one. | ||
| And then I do have a question. | ||
| You know, you might have an answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What did you have, a half a spray? | ||
| I had one spray. | ||
| Good enough. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright, we're in. | ||
| What's the other question? | ||
| You think, why am I asking you this? | ||
| But I think you might have an answer. | ||
| So, but I'm being totally honest. | ||
| I am exhausted from dealing with, like, it's like, not like it's a big deal, but it's like the first time you, whether, you can admit major things in your life, like, oh, I have a drinking problem, but they can be stupid little things, you know? | ||
| Mine is eating. | ||
| Like, I am exhausted from doing it the wrong way. | ||
| And everything comes back to me for self-control. | ||
| So when people want to tell me about a diet, it's not portions. | ||
| I know what portions are. | ||
| I just want to eat more. | ||
| So it's all down to how do I fucking get self-control. | ||
| I have zero... | ||
| I mean, if I'm not going to call it zero self-control, then I don't know what the hell I'm going to call it. | ||
| But that's very hard for me. | ||
| You're very hard on yourself. | ||
| I think you have self-control, Todd. | ||
| I think you're a wonderful man, but you're hilarious. | ||
| And one of the reasons why you're hilarious is because you're so... | ||
| You're free. | ||
| You're impulsive. | ||
| And that sort of... | ||
| It's very difficult for that to lend itself to dietary discipline. | ||
| It's like, I want to eat it! | ||
| Fuck it! | ||
| I just fucking eat it! | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's you. | ||
| It's also part of what makes you such a hilarious comic. | ||
| It's like you have these impulses. | ||
| Well, that makes me feel better. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want discomfort. | ||
| Split the difference, at least, with what you're saying. | ||
| You don't want discomfort, and you want to have fun. | ||
| It's like, it's right there, I want to eat that food. | ||
| Fuck it, right? | ||
| I just had a thought of me, like, picture me at the canter shoving cheesecake in my mouth, and my friends are looking at me like, Todd, and I go, Joe Rogan said that because I'm creative that I should eat whatever I want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said it, and you can go listen to his podcast. | |
| He said that I should eat... | ||
| Joe Rogan, and you can go listen, he said, clear out the minibar before you get in your hotel bed, even if you're not really hungry. | ||
| Because I'm creative, okay? | ||
| So I don't have control over this. | ||
| Joe Rogan! | ||
| There's also a problem, there's another problem with discipline. | ||
| This is a problem with discipline in comedy. | ||
| I think that hit me already. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Nah, that's probably just the weed hit you. | ||
| It takes a little while for the spray to get you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Usually a few more minutes than that. | |
| I forget my point. | ||
| What was my point? | ||
| About the self-control. | ||
| Oh, that when you really discipline people in comedy, they don't go well together that much either. | ||
| Because if you're too driven and too discipliny, that's almost always dicky. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Too disciplined, too rigid, too determined, and too enthusiastic about success, you get dicky. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| This thought could be wrong. | ||
| I'm okay with thinking something and then maybe finding out. | ||
| But whenever a comedian... | ||
| I bet there's funny ones out there. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Because over the years I remember them. | ||
| I can't think of which ones, but they definitely exist. | ||
| They are funny. | ||
| They are funny. | ||
| But they've never smoked, drank, Can you be a good comedian if you haven't done those things? | ||
| I think you'd be a good comedian if you're a man. | ||
| You could be a good comedian if you're a woman. | ||
| You could be a good comedian if you're gay or trans. | ||
| You're a good comedian if you're a good comedian. | ||
| Why do I ask that? | ||
| Because I should be embarrassed to ask that. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are really good that don't do shit. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have a desire to. | ||
| You know, it's just everybody's brain works different. | ||
| And some people, like, the idea of losing control with a substance is not fun. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They don't like that feeling. | ||
| But they can keep their shit together. | ||
| You know, I know a lot of people that don't drink, they don't do anything, but they keep their shit together. | ||
| And maybe that's better. | ||
| For them, they feel like it is. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, as I asked that, you gave me the answer to go, you're right, you're right. | ||
| But I asked it means that I had a question about that. | ||
| And I think I've talked about this in the past, and once I was like, somebody was saying, well, maybe, what if you're not experimenting? | ||
| But no, there's a billion ways to do those things that you use pot to do without the pot, obviously. | ||
| Well, I think I use yoga for that, too, man. | ||
| I love going to a hot yoga class. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| And it's like a drug. | ||
| Like, you get a lot of thinking done in there, man. | ||
| When you're just holding these poses and there's no music, no nothing, just everybody in the class breathing is a 90-minute class. | ||
| There's some sort of psychedelic effect there. | ||
| There's some sort of cleansing of the mind. | ||
| And I think that's one of the things that we overlook when it comes to mental health. | ||
| Your brain needs to be cleaned out. | ||
| You can't just like stagnate and think on thoughts. | ||
| Your physical body can clean your brain out a little bit. | ||
| Can get rid of some of the stress and tension. | ||
| And you can see things clearer. | ||
| Like those terms, stress reduction, tension relief. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It means the way you fucking think! | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You're doing something to your body that radically alters the way you're going to think about things. | ||
| And everybody's supposed to do it. | ||
| And one of the problems in society is that you don't do it, but you have these instincts that are built into your body from thousands of years of what people asked of their bodies 20, 30 generations ago. | ||
| We're all those same people. | ||
| So if we don't deal with what our body, just some physical activity, you just got to get the blood flowing. | ||
| If you don't, you're like an overflowing battery or something. | ||
| I, as far as the stopping thing, think I have a great idea for people to do to get a smidgen of what it's like to stop. | ||
| If you go, okay, I won't meditate or I won't do this. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But this, if you do it, I promise, whoever does it that's listening will go... | ||
| You'll get a little taste of it, and it all happens naturally. | ||
| But it started by accident, but then we started realizing it's about stopping. | ||
| So, like, one night, it was about, like, probably ten years ago after dinner, or before dinner, I had some hot washcloths. | ||
| And I was like, oh, just like at a Chinese restaurant, joking around. | ||
| But we all did it, and then we realized, wow, that really... | ||
| Stopped us. | ||
| The heat, putting it on your face. | ||
| So now I have a ritual that I do. | ||
| I have it all figured out. | ||
| The less people, the better, because the hot washcloth has a short shelf life. | ||
| It has to be so scorching hot when you hand it to people by the time they get it to their face. | ||
| So I use the tea kettle, pour it all over like six of them. | ||
| And here's the rule. | ||
| The radio goes off. | ||
| Sometimes you think, I'll leave it on. | ||
| I don't feel like walking over and turning off. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Even if it's jazz, off. | ||
| And I ask everybody, check the pulse of the room. | ||
| If you take yours off and you're ready to start talking, but you say, oh, three people still have it on their face, shh. | ||
| And I go, I'll break it. | ||
| But just once you get the hot washcloth in your hands, I go, it's going to be hot. | ||
| You're going to want to go, oh, it's hot. | ||
| It's way too hot. | ||
| It's hotter than you think it is. | ||
| So just get ready. | ||
| I give everybody one. | ||
| I put it on their face. | ||
| No one even has to tell them to take a deep breath. | ||
| You naturally do after like a second because you need to. | ||
| So you go. | ||
| Then you let it out. | ||
| And then I go, wow! | ||
| And then you literally, spiritually, you shut down, and then you wipe your hands, literally take some of the dirt off your hands from the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we always think, holy shit! | |
| Resetting yourself, that's a simple way to get a taste. | ||
| And we always make the joke, we're like, oh, we're just going to eat, and then we're going to go throughout the whole day, and then, oh, put our food, okay, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| I go, no, of course, stop! | ||
| You got us! | ||
| And that hot washcloth, it's like, fuck! | ||
| Yeah, I think your brain has requirements for those things, those kind of things. | ||
| I think those kind of moments are really good for your outlook, a reset. | ||
| I think that's like the same feeling that maybe a primitive man would get when he would walk up to the edge of a cliff and see some crazy view and see nature and birds flying around, the sun. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I'm getting chased by leopards every day, but look, this is fucking amazing. | ||
| Renewed enthusiasm about life, about life itself. | ||
| And the simplest things, obviously. | ||
| I have a theory. | ||
| I don't give myself any credit when I have these talks when things are going well. | ||
| It's good, but if I can be in a tense moment and get out of it, then I'll be proud of myself. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing about all that motivational speaking stuff, right? | ||
| It's like the guy who's doing all the motivational speaking, if he's pulling up in a Rolls Royce and he lives in a big mansion, it's like, yeah, you're enthusiastic. | ||
| Look, everything's going great. | ||
| How are you if someone takes all this stuff away? | ||
| Can you be stoic? | ||
| Can you be at peace when you're broke and you're by yourself in some one-bedroom apartment somewhere? | ||
| Can you do it all over again? | ||
| Get back to the suburbs. | ||
| You know, could you imagine if someone told you? | ||
| Dan Cook was the first one I ever heard talk about this, so I'll give him credit for that. | ||
| He said, I would never want to try to do stand-up again. | ||
| I don't think I could do it. | ||
| Like, that it is so hard to do that I would never want to start and do it again. | ||
| Did you ever think, like, what it would be like if you had to start again? | ||
| Like right now, you have zero jokes, you've never done stand-up, but somehow or another you have this vague memory of the grind that it takes to become an actual professional. | ||
| I think I'd do it in a hard... | ||
| I think definitely. | ||
| Definitely, right? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| But that's because you already know, right? | ||
| You already know you could do it. | ||
| It would be a totally different thing. | ||
| It's actually a stupid question. | ||
| Now that I think about it, fuck Dane Cook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| Just kidding, Dane. | ||
| Don't get upset. | ||
| But I'm saying, if you think about it, it doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Because of course you would know that you could make it. | ||
| So it would be way easier. | ||
| Even if you just started, oh, I can't believe I'm 21 again, doing stand-up. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Are you 21 again, or you are? | ||
| You'd have to start from scratch. | ||
| I'd just do it to get younger. | ||
| But then, once you made the decision, unless you live in some bizarro world where you're allowed to live two lives, you would never even have memory. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You'd be 21. That's what I... All I'd have to do is just say yes, and I'd be 21 again. | ||
| It's a stupid fucking question. | ||
| Maybe you have it a little off. | ||
| Maybe he'd be like, no, I said this and that. | ||
| I don't think he thought it through. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said something a minute ago, and that's when I should write shit down. | |
| I was going to ask you... | ||
| Was it about the food thing? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| What were you just talking about before the... | ||
| We're talking about discipline, like hard asses. | ||
| And then we got to, like, how difficult it would be to start over doing... | ||
| I think anything. | ||
| Like, if you said that to a brain surgeon, you want to start from scratch. | ||
| Start from, you know, right after you graduate high school. | ||
| You want to take it from day one, freshman year of college. | ||
| Just thinking about getting through. | ||
| No! | ||
| Fuck that! | ||
| Did you ever think of, like, I know two things I would have done, like, before, when did you start stand-up? | ||
| Excuse me, 88. I was 21. Did you, is there a job, when you were in high school, did you think, you thought you knew what you wanted to do, maybe, for a living? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| My number one option was teaching Taekwondo, which I already was doing. | ||
| That's what I was doing. | ||
| Oh, so you were already... | ||
| Yeah, but I didn't, I didn't want to fight anymore, and I didn't think that, um, I didn't think that there would be a real future in me teaching. | ||
| I didn't really like teaching everybody. | ||
| I only liked teaching people that were super enthusiastic. | ||
| Because I was young at the time. | ||
| When I first started teaching on my own, I was 19. I was teaching at Boston University. | ||
| I had my own school for a while. | ||
| And you were 21? | ||
| I was 19. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in Boston? | ||
| Yeah, in Boston. | ||
| I taught a pass-fail-A class. | ||
| They can get credit for it. | ||
| And I would say, all you have to do is just show up and you get an A. Just try. | ||
| Just try and you get an A. It has nothing to do with your physical performance because the idea that everybody's starting on the same page is ridiculous. | ||
| Some of these people have serious athletic backgrounds. | ||
| Some of these people never worked out a day in their life and they thought it'd be fun to try something new. | ||
| So the idea of grading them against each other, I said, I'll give you guys all an A. I was their age. | ||
| Are you allowed to do that? | ||
| As a teacher? | ||
| The worst thing they could do was fire me and I didn't care because it only paid like 200 bucks a month or something. | ||
| It wasn't expensive. | ||
| It wasn't a valuable thing. | ||
| But it was a prestigious thing. | ||
| It's like I'm teaching at a university and I'm 19. Did most people get the A? Everybody got an A. No, I mean, did anybody not show up? | ||
| All the times I taught, I taught for a couple years, one or two people just didn't show up. | ||
| You know, you're always going to have that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| One or two people just say fuck, they fuck off. | ||
| But I just made it fun. | ||
| You know, I was their age. | ||
| And so we just, we did a lot of cool shit and kick pads and I taught them how to turn their hip into stuff and how to, you know, how to get power things. | ||
| You could see them, it's a, there's something very enthusiastic about someone Regardless of what their physical ability is getting a little bit better and seeing it, you know Even if they start from nothing and then you see just yes. | ||
| Yes, you're getting it You're getting it and then see them beam like you get this that that to me was what I was into what I wasn't into is people that needed to be motivated and They just half-assed things. | ||
| They weren't enthusiastic. | ||
| They were distracted. | ||
| Maybe they were talking too much. | ||
| You could do all that stuff another time, but if you want to get good at this, there's only one way. | ||
| You have to be really interested in getting good at it. | ||
| You've got to be really focused on all the things you're doing, right or wrong. | ||
| Whenever I see a comedian, like, you go back a year to a club, you saw a comedian, he's a newer comedian. | ||
| If he has been going up at least twice a week, and it's 52 weeks later, it's fun to see that type of improvement. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you're like, wow, like, yeah, maybe I've gone up, what, 300 times since you've been here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you can tell if they haven't. | ||
| Do you have any friends that you knew when you were professional and they were open micers? | ||
| Oh, you mean? | ||
| Like, they're professionals now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You were a full-blown professional. | ||
| You met them when they were an open-miker. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Matter of fact, it leads me to a little plug. | ||
| Oh, you want a plug? | ||
| It does look like you set me up for it. | ||
| But Blake Wexler is a comedian. | ||
| He's a professional comedian now. | ||
| And he met me when he was, like, 15 or 16 at Helium. | ||
| And he was wearing a Conestoga shirt. | ||
| That's where I went to high school. | ||
| So, of course, you're like, you know, and he said he's a new comedian. | ||
| So, right away. | ||
| Went to your high school and he's doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| He was with his dad. | ||
| We talked. | ||
| I go, hey, if you want to come back with your friend Saturday, I said, here's my number. | ||
| I'll put you on the guest list. | ||
| And then, you know, a year goes by, I was in Philly, I called him, I said, hey Blake, you know, thanks for, it was, whatever it was, it would be a message I was leaving, hey, I got your friends on the guest list for Thursday, and then there's these messages. | ||
| Then we became good friends. | ||
| So he told me I saved every one of your messages about a year ago. | ||
| I've had people say that before, but then they go, oh, they got erased, or when they, you know, oh, I got my computer, and then I lost them. | ||
| He came over about a year ago with, like, 50 messages. | ||
| And so we put him on a CD and put him on iTunes, and it's 12 years of messages from Todd Glass to Blake Wexler, a simple name. | ||
| But the reason I think it's really pure, which is a weird way to maybe say it, but it's just from me to him. | ||
| Now, there was probably three or four at the end where I knew they'd probably end up on there, but I mentioned it. | ||
| I go, now this whole thing is fucking ruined because I know you're making that CD, so now I'm aware of it. | ||
| But most of them, I never thought they'd end up on a CD. So it's just me talking to Blake, and it sort of tells our friendship. | ||
| You see the friendship grow, but there's some of them very funny. | ||
| To hear them years later. | ||
| That's a cool thing to watch someone like that become a pro, right? | ||
| And just see them when they're first starting out, and that first year or so, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen? | ||
| You know, you decide, I want to try stand-up, and then you start going to open mic nights. | ||
| That first year, who knows what's gonna happen? | ||
| I mean, you might eat it a couple of times, and Dad'd be like, alright, this is just too painful. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| And what other job is that painful when you fuck up? | ||
| I know, I couldn't even... | ||
| I couldn't even think about getting a weekend. | ||
| It was on Wednesday, and then sometimes you would host. | ||
| That was like a thing. | ||
| You got to host the open mic night and then do Thursday Best of Philly. | ||
| But getting a weekend, I remember once sitting around with my friend. | ||
| He goes, do you think you'll get a weekend ever? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know why I didn't think I'd get a weekend. | ||
| I don't, but that's what you think when you're first starting out, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Some door guy told me. | ||
| He goes, you're going to get a weekend. | ||
| You know what I thought? | ||
| He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. | ||
| I thought because I'm not gonna be so stupid to think oh Tony knows I'm gonna get a weekend but he probably did know he was he was around comedy a lot he probably knew something you know yeah yeah he's gonna be he'll get a weekend you know I got a weekend all right yeah man when you when you talking when you're talking to an open miker it's like you're talking to someone who's gonna make a journey that like if you had a hundred open micers what are the odds That they become professional. | ||
| They make it to being a working stand-up. | ||
| I'm guessing. | ||
| I want to guess it's one. | ||
| Out of a hundred. | ||
| When you say it that way, it is a bigger number. | ||
| But if you take an isolated area like Philadelphia or whatever city, and you go, how many of these? | ||
| You know when you go into a town, sometimes I'll know like some of the newer comedians. | ||
| They hang out a lot. | ||
| Sometimes they work at the club because they're new. | ||
| But there's like a group of them. | ||
| And out of that group, whatever city it is, I always think somebody's going to. | ||
| Maybe two even. | ||
| Maybe three. | ||
| It's usually one or two at each level, but there's always a hundred guys. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like, I started out with Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Maybe I'm just meeting the cream of the crop. | ||
| Well, you definitely are, if it's in LA, right? | ||
| No, no, I'm talking about like when you're on the road. | ||
| Even in Philly or New York. | ||
| Oh, when they come in, you mean? | ||
| Like Bloomington has a scene, and you think, a lot of those people, two years later, like, wow, look how good they're doing, and they're in New York now, and they're... | ||
| So in a small group, but yeah, probably on all the comedians in every city that are doing it right now, I guess it's a lot lower. | ||
| Yeah, what I'm saying is, from the person who makes it on stage the first time, every week at the Comedy Store, you're dealing with how many, what do they get on? | ||
| I get it now. | ||
| 16 people in a night? | ||
| Probably more. | ||
| 20 people on an open mic night? | ||
| Because they do three minutes each? | ||
| Let's just say they get up 20 people a night. | ||
| How many of those people are going to become professionals? | ||
| It might be one out of a hundred. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| Yeah, and then how many people? | ||
| Some people go up once. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Open mics are crazy. | ||
| I encourage anyone, if you're not even into doing stand-up, just to go watch an open mic night. | ||
| And see the mania and the madness and what some of it is just someone who you you what you're seeing is Potential right or no potential you're seeing one of those two things Either you see it someone where you go that person is fucking never going to be a stand-up comedian There's no way there's just no way, you know like there's no way and then you're seeing huh, maybe Oh, yeah. | ||
| She was funny. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes when you say the first one where you go, no way. | ||
| It's not even they did a bad... | ||
| It's never based on... | ||
| We're basing it on something... | ||
| It's still a guess, but we're basing it on something pretty fair. | ||
| It's not like their joke didn't go over and we're going, oh, no. | ||
| Sometimes it's the vanilla-ness of the personality might not lend itself to be... | ||
| Well, it's just sometimes their brain's broken, too. | ||
| Some people just... | ||
| Their brain's not working right. | ||
| And they can kind of get by in regular life. | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| But you see them, like, express themselves, like, I'm gonna prepare something and bring it to the stage. | ||
| And then people go, what in the fuck is going on in your head, sir? | ||
| There's those people. | ||
| And you're just not, this is not gonna happen. | ||
| I mean, maybe they might be perfect for music. | ||
| They might be perfect for being in the front of a punk band or something. | ||
| But it's just, you know, certain people. | ||
| Like, I think it might be one out of a hundred. | ||
| Like, if you bomb on stage with a song, it's got to be pretty bad, too. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But you have, like, the others. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Obviously, the people that have... | ||
| Just so nobody thinks we're being babies here. | ||
| The people that have physical risks, that's a way worse thing, right? | ||
| First responders, police officers, things along those lines. | ||
| Oh, even in sports, I always say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I can never do it. | ||
| Because in a comedy show... | ||
| And often it happens. | ||
| Everybody can win in one night. | ||
| Like, if you're on the road and you're with two other comedians, or three or whatever, there's so many nights where everybody wins. | ||
| You do great. | ||
| But in the sports, as you know, I'm always thinking, I could, I could, I can't, the pressure, and I'm not even into sports. | ||
| I don't give a shit about sports. | ||
| But when I watch a game, I get a stomachache for the other team. | ||
| I'm like, ah, I can't take it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| Some of comedy is a sport. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| It's because, like, you're attacking things that aren't there. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like you're going after stupid laws and dumb shit that happened, and like you're literally, by using your words and the way you're describing things, literally having a little battle with something that's not even there. | ||
| I call them verbal, I hope I say it right, verbal shit. | ||
| What's it when they're in prison? | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| Shivs, right? | ||
| Isn't it shivs? | ||
| We're so white. | ||
| Shank! | ||
| Shank! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a shank! | |
| But don't you shiv them? | ||
| You shiv them with your shank? | ||
| We'll be back. | ||
| Sometimes when a comedian has just a turn of phrase that would fucking... | ||
| I always go, oh, he shiv'd him with his words. | ||
| A verbal shiv. | ||
| I think that was correct. | ||
| I think it's correct. | ||
| It's fun to watch. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| When somebody knows how to do it good. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| That's what roast battle was all about. | ||
| Roast battle is essentially a sport. | ||
| They would fucking mock each other, mock each other's lives in jokes and be really mean. | ||
| You know, and some of it was like, oh Jesus, they would talk about their looks like, oh my God, some of them, it's painful. | ||
| I went and enjoyed it. | ||
| I saw it up, because it's almost a parody of a roast battle. | ||
| I saw it at the Comedy Store in the Little Room, and it was crazy. | ||
| But when I'm watching, I'm like, I'm too sensitive. | ||
| It would crush me. | ||
| It would just fucking crush me. | ||
| I don't want to know the jokes that they would make. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Some people don't care, but to watch other people, it was exhilarating. | ||
| It's a great joke writing exercise. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Unfortunately, some people are really good at that, but when it comes to their act, they don't explore as much... | ||
| So think about, like, if you're writing about someone. | ||
| Like, there's some people, my point is that there's some people that I've seen that are really good at that roast battle. | ||
| I see a lot of people do it. | ||
| But then you see their set, their actual stand-up set, and like, mm, it's missing a spark, right? | ||
| There was a spark that you had when you were in combat with this other person, because you knew they were going to be firing at you, so you were firing at them, and it was all in fun, but it was also a chance to flex your comedic writing skills. | ||
| Well, then when you're on stage and it's just you, then where's the juice? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Are you upset? | ||
| Are you excited? | ||
| Are you just pretending it's not a big deal that you're on stage with a microphone in front of you? | ||
| Because that's a real problem, too. | ||
| Are you pretending it's not weird that your voice is amplified? | ||
| Everything you're saying should motivate someone. | ||
| It's just a great way to say it. | ||
| Why are you pretending? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not... | |
| You don't have to jump up and down, but come on, what's going on here? | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| Why are you pretending you're not fully aware that people are standing in front of you hanging on your every word? | ||
| There was a comedian like that in, I won't even say the city, but they had a roast battle. | ||
| There were people from the history, like Napoleon. | ||
| And it was great. | ||
| That sounds awesome. | ||
| Because it was also... | ||
| That's why I said it was a writing sample, because, you know, if you were writing jokes, you could also make statements, political statements, and go back and... | ||
| No one gets hurt because you're making fun of Hitler. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you still have to write great jokes. | ||
| And one guy that did it, he was amazing. | ||
| Like, what the... | ||
| And I just thought, oh, he should know that he should be writing. | ||
| Because his stand-up is exactly what you just said. | ||
| And it wasn't... | ||
| But I was like, I hope he knows. | ||
| Oh, that's your strong point. | ||
| The thing is, the stand-up, when you're doing something like that, you have a little bit more freedom. | ||
| It's more open-ended. | ||
| But in the stand-up, people are paying to see you, and you're supposed to be getting laughs. | ||
| And when you're not getting laughs, there's this feeling of disappointment in the audience. | ||
| And when you're doing new stuff, man, there's a distinct possibility there's going to be no fucking laughs in the spot where you wanted there to be laughs. | ||
| And you're like, yikes! | ||
| I thought that was a way funnier idea. | ||
| Or maybe I just fucked up the way I said it, or maybe I just have to stretch it out and figure out where the good spots are and then start hacking it up and editing it. | ||
| You know, but there's gonna be a real problem with bombing. | ||
| You're gonna have to be comfortable with saying a joke that's just not that good. | ||
| And some people just aren't. | ||
| So they get to that spot and they go, fuck that, let's do some tried and true. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Let's hit them with some proven stuff. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| I know you got me nervous one night at the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You were like, just everybody. | ||
| You were right. | ||
| You were like, okay, all new stuff. | ||
| Everybody knew. | ||
| Oh, that was just, yeah. | ||
| And then I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, because we were supposed to. | ||
| That was the show. | ||
| Or somewhere. | ||
| And I was like, I was up on stage. | ||
| I'm like, oh, shit. | ||
| Maybe he's never seen this one. | ||
| This is, well, that wasn't a stand-up on the spot show. | ||
| That was Nick Yusuf's show, right? | ||
| His new stuff show? | ||
| I think it was that. | ||
| I forget what it was, but... | ||
| That show, you're supposed to only work on new shit. | ||
| You're supposed to only work on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| We had, like, a weird rule. | ||
| When Yusuf and I came up with it, we were like, it can't be any older than six weeks old. | ||
| Any bit that you have to self-police, but any bit older than six weeks old, you gotta... | ||
| I don't remember exactly, because I wouldn't have fought that. | ||
| That's a good move, right? | ||
| Six weeks? | ||
| Six weeks is like, you got some time. | ||
| Yeah, six weeks, so you're saying it's fresh enough. | ||
| Yeah, it's new enough, but it's also like, you should have worked it out a little bit. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's more than fair. | ||
| More than fair, right? | ||
| That's more than fair. | ||
| Might even be four weeks. | ||
| Four weeks might be the real... | ||
| You should pull it back a little, if you ask me. | ||
| Pull it back a little. | ||
| Three? | ||
| Three weeks? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Wow, three was dangerous. | ||
| I mean, that means you've said it five, six times. | ||
| What more do you want? | ||
| Sometimes there's a bit that works real good and then doesn't. | ||
| You ever see those bits? | ||
| They just die? | ||
| You're like, this one's going to be a quarterback. | ||
| Sometimes I never know either. | ||
| If I videotape myself, maybe I'd learn. | ||
| Do you record yourself audio? | ||
| I don't, and I'm so embarrassed because I know how good it is to do it. | ||
| I did it five or six times in my whole career. | ||
| And it did so much good that you would think, because I'm lazy. | ||
| You know what you were just saying about you go to a joke and it's just dead? | ||
| I started doing this thing and it really helps me get out of those moments, so I'll hit the punchline, nothing. | ||
| So whatever. | ||
| Well, I'll make up a punchline. | ||
| It was blue. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Then I realized instantly. | ||
| See, here's what I just did. | ||
| Sometimes in comedy, ladies and gentlemen, you get to an end of a joke, and it's not the crowd's fault because you're great, but it just doesn't land, and it's uncomfortable for them. | ||
| They feel bad for you. | ||
| So what I did when I hit that period about 30 seconds ago, I'd just been talking nonstop ever since, and now we're here, and everybody's happy. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| That's a perfect dismount. | ||
| They do it for like 15 seconds, and then they figure out. | ||
| I always say, are they going to figure out? | ||
| I go, so about 15 seconds ago, I hit a punch, and it wasn't your fault. | ||
| And now I'm here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody's great. | |
| And then the whole, like a whole new premise. | ||
| Whole new premise launches. | ||
| That's like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's like building a house. | ||
| You're planting a seed. | ||
| Then you're watering the ground. | ||
| And then the tree comes out. | ||
| You gotta wait for it to grow. | ||
| Then cut it. | ||
| Oh, you're talking about a whole, not a start. | ||
| A whole new premise. | ||
| Like weird out there premises. | ||
| Or premises you've never discussed before. | ||
| Things you never thought of before. | ||
| You go into a whole new... | ||
| Way of thinking about stuff. | ||
| It's so much fun, isn't it? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I still get like... | ||
| It really is. | ||
| And with the recorder, like on the phone, that's changed. | ||
| Because I don't like writing stuff down. | ||
| I could say that's changed my life. | ||
| Do you do the speech-to-text? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Where you just talk into it and it writes your notes for you? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I can just put jokes on there, but if I, you know, the recorder... | ||
| Oh, that recorder, man, that just cleaned my head up. | ||
| Yeah, the recorder's giant. | ||
| It's a big deal. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Anything where you can catch those slippery thoughts. | ||
| Like, I think Neil Brennan said it best. | ||
| I think he called his notebook, he's like, this is like a net where I catch ideas. | ||
| And I was like, ooh... | ||
| That is a great way of looking at it. | ||
| That is a great way of looking at it. | ||
| Because some ideas just go away. | ||
| Like, they're so profound. | ||
| They're so profound. | ||
| But then a couple hours later, like, what the fuck was I thinking? | ||
| That always used to get me, where I'd have this amazing idea, what I thought was an amazing idea. | ||
| And then I'd go, ah, that's such a good idea, I'll remember it in the morning. | ||
| And I go to sleep. | ||
| No, I still pull that shit. | ||
| I've never remembered it! | ||
| Never! | ||
| I still pull that. | ||
| I go, what are you doing? | ||
| If my phone, if I didn't have my charger now, I finally got a cord and it's next to the bed, so I always have a cord to plug in my phone. | ||
| But never. | ||
| Why do I? And not half the time. | ||
| Never. | ||
| And I still have the nerve. | ||
| I go, no, because that's a good idea. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Hedberg had a joke about that. | ||
| Too lazy. | ||
| Yeah, about being too lazy to get up to get a pen to write something down. | ||
| So I just convinced myself it wasn't that funny in the first place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| But what's great is that that was a bit he did on stage, and it would kill. | ||
| I mean, I didn't do it well. | ||
| I don't remember the way the phrasing. | ||
| You know the used to? | ||
| I used to do drugs. | ||
| I still do, but I used to, too. | ||
| So, last night we were saying, I used to do Mitch Hedberg's I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to, too. | ||
| I mean, I still do, but I used to, too. | ||
| Okay, I know, let me back up for a second. | ||
| So I do Mitch doing Rodney Dangerfield. | ||
| You know, I'd do Rodney if he did Mitch. | ||
| I'll be like, I'll tell you the other day, guys, I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to, too, you know? | ||
| That's actually pretty good. | ||
| So you do any Mitch Hedberg joke as Rodney, and it's, you know... | ||
| And it's kills. | ||
| I'll tell you the other day, I guess if I wanted a banana, you know? | ||
| I said, no, I want a regular one later, so all right, you know? | ||
| All right, you know what you're going to do, right? | ||
| So, I do the used to... | ||
| I hope this goes somewhere. | ||
| So, I used to do drugs. | ||
| So, my friend asked me if I still do that. | ||
| I go, I used to do the Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| I still do drugs, but I used to, too. | ||
| I still do, but I used to, too. | ||
| There's something in there. | ||
| It's amazing that you kept it all together for that. | ||
| I did for that one. | ||
| There was someone who used to, who used to, too. | ||
| But it makes sense. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| But you nailed it. | ||
| You dismounted. | ||
| I shouldn't try. | ||
| Feet flat on the ground. | ||
| It's a solid dismount. | ||
| There's no stumble. | ||
| No, it was good. | ||
| It was very good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It was very good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Mitch, he's like, to me, one of the more amazing comedians ever because what he would do was complete non sequiturs. | ||
| He would go from one non sequitur to another non sequitur. | ||
| Nothing connected together other than here's some other shit I thought up. | ||
| Here's some other shit I wrote down. | ||
| And even though not through, probably a good idea for everyone to know that does one-liners, that there still has to be an essence of you in them. | ||
| Like, even though his jokes didn't segue together, like, they seem, you're still, you knew who he was by his jokes, obviously. | ||
| Like, the, oh, he had a, you know, he definitely had. | ||
| They're not just individual jokes just glued all together. | ||
| No, they were all so silly, too. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Like, that's the thing about, I've always said, like, the best way to describe him, he's like one of my favorite silly comedians. | ||
| I know, it's funny, a lot of people, you don't hear, always complimentary, of course, about Mitch, but silly. | ||
| And that's what I realized later, after he died, like, how silly. | ||
| He was silly. | ||
| He was so silly. | ||
| That was who he was, very silly, so that's what you know about him. | ||
| He was the type of comedian, he would get into his rhythm, like, I would listen to him a lot of times on the way to the airport, because I was, you know, that traffic on the way to the airport's annoying. | ||
| He just wanted to just chill out and giggle. | ||
| So I'd put on some Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| And just be fucking giggling. | ||
| And when you're just smiling, when you're not, when he's, you know, in between punchlines, you just have a big smile on your face. | ||
| Because he would put on this silly vibe, and you would get caught up in it because it was really fun. | ||
| And then he had such great writing, too. | ||
| And playful. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Now he's dead. | ||
| And Rodney... | ||
| I think, and Rodney had a lot of that too. | ||
| You know, Rodney's a seriously, seriously underrated comedian. | ||
| And his style, there was a great article about it recently. | ||
| Didn't we talk about this on the podcast? | ||
| There was an article that was written recently about Rodney. | ||
| I forget who wrote it, like Esquire or one of those things. | ||
| But they were talking about how long it took him to become a good comedian. | ||
| That it wasn't until he was like in his 50s that he figured it out. | ||
| It's like talking about him boiling down his act and talking about cutting all the fat out of his act. | ||
| If you go back and listen to his early performances, you can see it's more meandering. | ||
| It was more stand-up-y. | ||
| I realized that a few years ago when you listen to the old ones and he would, in other words, a joke could be, it was still Rodney, but it would be like, this is more of a joke a comedian would tell, not really one line. | ||
| You know you're getting old when your family talks in front of you. | ||
| Hey, put Pops in the garage. | ||
| We got people coming over. | ||
| Pops just sits there and drools. | ||
| But that was more like a piece. | ||
| And I forgot about that, Rodney. | ||
| And then there's a lot of... | ||
| There's short little stories, but they're not... | ||
| And then all of a sudden... | ||
| I... Saw him, remember Bob Nelson? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Bob Nelson opened for him, and then I got to meet Rodney backstage through Bob. | ||
| And you know what is when you think you know something? | ||
| It applies with everything. | ||
| Sexism, you think you know what it is, but you really don't. | ||
| There's still a lot more to learn. | ||
| Of course I knew what timing was before I saw Rodney. | ||
| I could tell you I was a comedian for ten years at that point, but I know what timing is. | ||
| But then when you saw Rodney, I went, oh fuck, that's timing. | ||
| It was so, like, I knew what it was, but I just got a doctorate in what it was. | ||
| I just saw it delivered, like, the best of the best of the best, and I go, now? | ||
| I mean, it was just crazy with every turn and every... | ||
| And then just when you think, how can he take you anywhere? | ||
| And then the band kicks in, and then he starts, like, you know, doing betting music. | ||
| And then the band bumped, they got bigger and bigger. | ||
| Then he started singing this song, because everybody sang them, but Rodney did it... | ||
| In his own way, he starts going, you know, something about to dream, whatever the song is, and then he does about 10 seconds of it, and then he goes, what the fuck am I singing for? | ||
| I'm watching him, I'm going, oh my god, to you they're just a band, but he goes, I know to this band, to you they're just a band, but to me they're a bunch of fucking idiots. | ||
| And then the band has, they're taught, because they're all, you know, musicians from that city. | ||
| Obviously they're taught, you know. | ||
| So he goes, no, they'll tell you what they are. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| And then they all stand up and they go, we're fucking idiots! | ||
| I got to see Rodney when I was 19, when I was working as a security guard at Great Woods. | ||
| Great Woods is a concert place in Mansfield, Massachusetts, and Rodney was there in the bathrobe era. | ||
| Did you see bathrobe, Rodney? | ||
| Oh, he went out on stage in a bathrobe? | ||
| Naked. | ||
| With a bathrobe on. | ||
| I thought the improv he would show up, but you're saying he was doing this... | ||
| In arenas. | ||
| This place is big. | ||
| Great Woods is like 12,000 people. | ||
| Isn't that great in a way though? | ||
| He was a fucking maniac. | ||
| He was a fucking maniac. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| He was so free. | ||
| He was hanging backstage and apparently his cock is enormous. | ||
| His cock and balls were just hanging out. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's just got this bathrobe on and he's got his legs crossed and his fucking sack is hanging down. | ||
| And the security guards would be like, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| I didn't see that. | ||
| I only saw him, it's like a Bigfoot sighting. | ||
| And I met him later in life, but to me, like, in 19, I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet, but I was such a huge fan of it. | ||
| He walked from, you know, like, you're looking down the hallway to where his dressing room is, and he walked from one room to another. | ||
| It was like, what, Bigfoot sighting. | ||
| Like, I only saw him for a second. | ||
| But I saw Rodney. | ||
| It's like that. | ||
| You know, I said seeing Rodney was like... | ||
| It's not like seeing... | ||
| Like if you saw Paul McCartney. | ||
| Yeah, you'd freak out. | ||
| But seeing Rodney was like getting to see if you saw Fred Flintstone. | ||
| You can't see Fred Flintstone. | ||
| He's a cartoon. | ||
| Rodney is so larger than life that it was overwhelming. | ||
| You weren't just taking in someone that was a celebrity and you'd see it on TV. There he is! | ||
| And there he is! | ||
| There he is, like, three feet from you, and you'd be like, fuck, that's Rodney! | ||
| What is that between his legs? | ||
| No, shut up! | ||
| He's just balls. | ||
| He's getting covered by something. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that's his balls. | ||
| That's his sack, or his dick, or both. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Bob Nelson would have great stories about, like, and they were so specific, and you knew Rodney said them, and it was just so... | ||
| A couple came up to him after their wedding, and they go, do you know this one? | ||
| No. | ||
| And they go, he was trying to gamble, you know, Rodney, we just got married, what do you think? | ||
| And he goes, you both could have done better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER What do you think? | |
| You both could have done better, huh? | ||
| That's a well-disguised insult. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| That's a beautiful joke. | ||
| Those people won't know that it was an insult until they get in their car. | ||
| Wait a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That means he says we're both ugly. | |
| It's canceling out. | ||
| That's playing ping pong in their head. | ||
| You're both good. | ||
| Who's that an insult to? | ||
| That wife goes, it's an insult to you. | ||
| I think it's both of us, you moron. | ||
| Yeah, that's when you find out who the boss in the relationship is. | ||
| Joke like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Who has to take? | ||
| It's me. | ||
| Who's taking the hit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who feels bad about this one? | ||
| Maybe you both be honest and just admit you're both maybe not that great. | ||
| That's a weird thing when someone feels like they're too good looking for the other person in the relationship. | ||
| And could they be wrong? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They could be wrong. | ||
| I mean, there are people that like different things, you know? | ||
| People like different looks. | ||
| Some guys like big girls, you know? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| People like different shit. | ||
| But if you think they don't like you as much as you like them... | ||
| Can I tell you what you do to prevent that? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I hope I'm answering. | ||
| I hope I'm... | ||
| Is that... | ||
| Because you know when people tell stories, they'll be like, and everything was great. | ||
| I think this is addressing what you're saying. | ||
| Everything was great, and then it's just he or she or she or she, whatever the relationship is. | ||
| Somebody else goes, and they wanted to end it. | ||
| Everything was great. | ||
| Look, because what do you want them to do? | ||
| Wait, I'm not saying there's not rules and feelings and how you present it, but I think most of the time everything is great and then you realize one day you wake up and I've had it to me I must have been on the other end of this and they just don't want to be in it but they stay in it because that doesn't mean they don't not care about you so they stay in it and it gets bad you see it coming but so I always say I always let someone know, let them know you're not crazy. | ||
| They learn that by what you tell about past stories. | ||
| And I once said this to someone, it was very early on, but I said, I have a feeling. | ||
| I practiced it in my head, and I was glad I did it, and I was like 23 or 24 at the time. | ||
| I said, I have a feeling that I like you more than you like me. | ||
| And I said, it's okay. | ||
| I go, let me say this, because I don't want this to be the day where I threw you off. | ||
| If I'm wrong, I really like you. | ||
| So if I just read it wrong, that's great. | ||
| But, but, but, I don't think that's it. | ||
| I go, I won't, of course I'll be sad, but I won't hate you. | ||
| I won't be, I'll be okay. | ||
| And then he was like, you're right. | ||
| Because I said it in a way that he would be comfortable to say, you know what? | ||
| I put a little bit of choke, a little bit of like, but I was okay. | ||
| And I want to know that. | ||
| So that's my answer to your question. | ||
| You don't want to be delusional. | ||
| I don't want to be delusional. | ||
| I felt it, and I asked, and I asked. | ||
| The fact that I put that preface in there, look, I need to let you know this, not to make you feel bad, but I do like you. | ||
| Because I don't want to find out 10 years later, I thought you were giving me walking papers. | ||
| So I had to be clear with my feelings, but mainly let that person know, And that way, I didn't end up in a relationship for another year where I knew the other person. | ||
| How could that go bad, what I did? | ||
| There's no way that could go bad. | ||
| No, especially if you're hanging out with adults, right? | ||
| You know, when I was a kid, I think one of the things that took me a long time to get past was it was always thought that if you talked about your feelings and your emotions, that that was weak. | ||
| That was a weakness. | ||
| It's not something you did with your friends, and it's not something you wanted to do with a girl. | ||
| You didn't want to talk about your emotions. | ||
| You didn't want to talk about how you actually felt about things. | ||
| You wanted to play it stoic. | ||
| You wanted a Charles Bronson your way through life. | ||
| That's what a lot of guys tried to do. | ||
| One of the big problems with people Because you don't really know who you like until you're around them for a while. | ||
| You really don't. | ||
| And then sometimes you're like, ooh, I'm not into this person. | ||
| I'm so bored. | ||
| I can't have any more of these conversations. | ||
| I can't do this. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'm panicking. | ||
| I've got to get out. | ||
| But everything was perfect. | ||
| Everything was going amazing. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, you thought everything was going amazing. | ||
| It doesn't mean everything was going amazing. | ||
| I mean, you didn't even check in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or the other way. | ||
| Women can be bored as fuck with dudes. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Of course, it's the same thing. | ||
| That's why I always say that. | ||
| I'm comfortable having... | ||
| The only reason I get nervous having relationship discussions when somebody's going too heavy on women are crazy. | ||
| I'm like, if that was any truth to that, you look at same-sex couples. | ||
| If it was true, hey, there's a lot of women that think men are crazy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If that was true, if there's any truth to that, it's people. | ||
| There's people that are evolved, and there's people that are, you know, have a deep level head on their shoulders, because if there was any truth that one sex was crazier, there's a science to disproving that. | ||
| Then in lesbian relationships, you'd go, hey, how's your relationship? | ||
| And they'd go, well, of course we argue a teeny bit here and there, but no, no, we're both women, so we're getting along great. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, we got rid of the problem. | ||
| And in male-male relationships, It's the same problems. | ||
| It's not like you go, oh, yeah, we don't have the crazy women, so when it's two guys dating, everything's great! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Same exact problem. | ||
| So it's not the sex, it's people. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| You're 100% correct. | ||
| You could not be more correct. | ||
| And there's a real problem. | ||
| We gotta really avoid this shit. | ||
| There's people that'll say things like, you know, women are all dumb bitches, or men are all shit, and that's nonsense. | ||
| These gender-based generalizations are so stupid. | ||
| There's nice people that are women, there's nice people that are men, it's just, there's plenty of them. | ||
| You can't have a few bad relationships and turn on other people. | ||
| Every person has the same gender. | ||
| And also, like, Take a good look at yourself. | ||
| There's some people out there that do generalize like that. | ||
| Look at your shit thinking that you're just diarrhea spraying out into the world. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| Whether you're a sexist against women or a sexist against men. | ||
| Such a piss-poor way of looking at things. | ||
| Everybody knows you're wrong. | ||
| Everybody knows you're wrong. | ||
| You think that, I mean, whatever it is, any generalization, whether it's a racist generalization, sexist, homophobic, it's all the same. | ||
| Everybody who's listening knows what it is. | ||
| You know what it is when someone makes a generalization. | ||
| Like, no, you're not looking at it right. | ||
| You don't know nice people that are black. | ||
| You don't know any nice people that are black. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Like, how can you make this judgment when I've met so many? | ||
| Like, you're not meeting enough people, or they meet you and they go, oh, this guy's a fucking asshole, so they avoid you, so everybody's got this thing that they're spreading about you. | ||
| Yeah, that's why younger people tend to, you know, just by being around. | ||
| I wish there was a place you could go if you couldn't afford college, because I don't think it's the education at college that you probably learn the most from. | ||
| It's the being forced to be around other people. | ||
| You go, oh, I'd rather hang out with that group that I hated because we have the same taste in music. | ||
| And you learn it because you're forced to live together. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But wouldn't it be cool if there was like, where can you go if you're like, well, I don't afford college, but I want to put my kids around all, well... | ||
| Some parents wouldn't want to do it, but kids could do it. | ||
| I just want to be around every type of person. | ||
| But you don't know to do that. | ||
| College, that's the thing about college. | ||
| And I didn't go to college. | ||
| I didn't even graduate high school. | ||
| But isn't that true that that's where a lot of growing does with young kids when they're forced to be around other people? | ||
| Some kids, they're living with really suppressive parents. | ||
| And the only way they even know who the fuck they are is if they could sleep in their own bed. | ||
| Open their own door with their own key, go into their own room, lie down, and then just be alone. | ||
| Be away from these other fucking people that are constantly giving you these rules that you have to follow and have these lofty expectations for your success. | ||
| And like, fucking Christ, you don't even know what you want to do. | ||
| And they want you to do something that's going to pay a lot of money. | ||
| We're spending a lot of money sending you to school, Todd. | ||
| We want to make sure that you're productive. | ||
| Productive, Todd. | ||
| No drinking. | ||
| No gallivanting. | ||
| Just in there. | ||
| Work, work, work. | ||
| And meanwhile, you just finally get a chance to listen to some music that you never heard before and hang out with some people from some part of the country you've never been. | ||
| Maybe you smoke weed with them. | ||
| You hang out, you know, you're 18, 19 years old and you're just figuring out the world together. | ||
| You figure out a lot of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, and you're free of the fucking parents. | ||
| That's a big part of it, man. | ||
| Free of the parents. | ||
| And every generation, every generation is more aware of how fucking stupid the previous generation was. | ||
| Like, there was some grandpappy days back on the fucking farm when they would, you know, they would talk about their grandparents and their grandparents were wiser than them, you know? | ||
| That's not the case anymore. | ||
| The people today are more informed than any human beings that have ever lived ever. | ||
| By the way, you might have just said the only thing that I agree with when it comes to... | ||
| Because I always say, look, of course there's things we should go back and get, but mostly tomorrow is the better day. | ||
| But I go, when there's something in the past that, oh, that's struggle, oh, we should go back to that and learn that. | ||
| I'm not just saying... | ||
| But very rarely does someone get me. | ||
| Mostly I always go, no, and I look at it for another. | ||
| But that is something, but it explains everything that's going on right now. | ||
| The true kids, well I always say kids are getting smarter than their parents. | ||
| Way smarter. | ||
| And it makes me want to be like a progressive bully. | ||
| I try to say, I called, I said that about you once, Mark Maron, not that word, but I go, I need people that are like, I think I might have said a bully, but on the right side of history, so it was a compliment. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And what I meant is a big guy, it's like, yeah, fucking, but that's what I said. | ||
| A progressive bully. | ||
| But the problem is... | ||
| When I say it as a character, you still have clean thoughts and you've changed your views on things. | ||
| But when I say it, I want to be so mean. | ||
| I want to be so fucking mean the other way. | ||
| I know what you mean. | ||
| Dice Clay, but just anybody. | ||
| You don't want gay marriage? | ||
| Die already! | ||
| Go home and die! | ||
| Why can't people live? | ||
| Drop dead! | ||
| I hope you're a baby! | ||
| Just the most vicious things, but all about people that won't... | ||
| All about... | ||
| Yeah, no, there's definitely some merit in that. | ||
| Just people realize how fucking stupid it is because you're mocking it so relentlessly and everybody's cheering along. | ||
| And then someone who might be entertaining those thoughts is going to listen to it. | ||
| There's a guy on Sam Harris's podcast this week, Waking Up With Sam Harris. | ||
| His name is Christian Piccolini. | ||
| And he used to be a white male supremacist. | ||
| And he got recruited when he was like 14 years old and was in it for like, I think he said eight years or something like that. | ||
| And just was talking to Sam Harris about these horrific decisions that he had made in this group that he had got connected to and they were committing violent crimes against black people and like all this the crazy shit that he was talking about and then you listen to him now as this guy in his 40s is like super rational and very intelligent and well-read and And it's like saying, look, I just got caught up in this ideology. | ||
| I went down this road, and other people were doing the thinking for me, and we were all doing it for each other. | ||
| It became this horrific groupthink that he got swept up in. | ||
| I think that's happening with progressive people, too. | ||
| I think there's a this this this need to be right and to shout down each other and and Ruthlessly mock each other like that has to be used like nuclear weapons like only in in the case of like severe issues Where like you've got a country another country is about to develop a nuclear weapon They're gonna go after you first Or they've already done it and you have to disarm their nukes. | ||
| We've got to be nicer to each other when it comes to talking about these ideas, because every time someone from the left attacks relentlessly and ruthlessly and viciously someone from the right because of their ideas, you just start a back and forth. | ||
| You're not looking at it in a way like there's got to be some way to communicate your ideas in a friendly way. | ||
| You know what I do now? | ||
| And believe me, I'm guilty of this. | ||
| Even from when I did my Netflix special to now, the way I do four jokes, I changed it because of that whole thing. | ||
| Look, Todd, do you want to take people with you? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Someone said, I don't want to be Tucker Carlson to the other side, so flippant and so fucking snarky. | ||
| So I go, okay, that's maybe what I am. | ||
| I don't see it when I agree with the person. | ||
| So if I see someone that's snarky but says everything, I agree. | ||
| But I go... | ||
| So I do want to sometimes bring people. | ||
| So change the way you say it. | ||
| Go in a little softer. | ||
| Remember, you're trying to bring somebody with you and bring them over. | ||
| But sometimes I want to split the difference, and I could be wrong, because sometimes I think when I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, and I literally have to take a break on the podcast, you know, about something, maybe that gives, and it's about a transgender issue, something I'm not going through, but I'm able to scream it so someone that's going through it goes, God damn it, Halsey's so close! | ||
| Or when I can yell about a women's issue, so, like, goddammit, scream at the top of my lungs, because they say scream about what you're not, because you can get angrier. | ||
| Maybe I give someone their dignity back. | ||
| Maybe sometimes screaming into the canyon is okay, but not to another person's face. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Into the canyon is a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But when it comes, but then you have to decide, because a podcast is always a canyon. | ||
| But it's also you have the ability, so if someone is going to attack you, maybe the only way they have the ability is to do it in a Twitter post or a blog post. | ||
| I mean, they're all people with their own opinions too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's why I'm very aware of that now. | ||
| There's just way too much stupid fighting. | ||
| There's debate over issues about real things. | ||
| Like right now, what's going on with this, what do they call it? | ||
| Walk for our lives? | ||
| March for our lives. | ||
| Oh, can I? Yeah, go ahead. | ||
| Just real quick, because I have a few times, and there's even one post I want to take down, because it's a woman that's heckling me, and it turned into a sexist, words flying back and forth, and I want to take it down. | ||
| If I could post, Why I'm taking it down. | ||
| Because I think when somebody's... | ||
| Even when your fans are defending you, I like when someone corrects their fans. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Don't defend me with those words. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, don't... | ||
| So we were talking about before about when the verbiage is, you know... | ||
| So always try to go in. | ||
| I think you're responsible. | ||
| If they're flying things back and forth and you're on a Twitter... | ||
| If somebody's saying something, go in and say no. | ||
| You know, the word... | ||
| You don't have to start throwing around these words. | ||
| It has nothing even to do with the topic. | ||
| That's the way they express themselves. | ||
| Well, it's like the way people disagree about things can change. | ||
| The way they communicate their disagreement can change how it gets resolved. | ||
| But what always happens is if you go hard, they go hard back. | ||
| And I think we're dealing with that back and forth in this country. | ||
| And what I was going to say is about this march for our lives is that what I'm seeing that's very confusing to me is from people who are gun supporters, like the NRA supporters, who... | ||
| And some of them have even mocked these kids for getting attention by going to these marches and stuff like that. | ||
| And they're saying that nobody would have heard of you or nobody would know who you are. | ||
| This is a ridiculous way to look at it. | ||
| It's very defensive because they're feeling like someone's coming after their guns. | ||
| So they're going on the attack in some ways that's just really not recommended. | ||
| Like the way they're doing it. | ||
| It makes me numb. | ||
| They're mocking... | ||
| What the reason would be for these kids to be on TV that got shot at. | ||
| These kids that got shot at. | ||
| And they're fucking 16 years old? | ||
| And they're going to be on TV? And someone's mocking, no one would know who you were if it wasn't for this thing. | ||
| Like, yeah, of course. | ||
| But they went through that fucking thing. | ||
| They're the few kids that have gone through this thing in the country that are standing, On the public stage and saying look at us you got to do something you can't have the same shit happen over and over and over again and maybe they don't have the most complicated solution But they're right, and they're forcing people to talk. | ||
| And if anybody should be forcing people to talk, it's the kids that were around their friends that got shot, who realized their fucking parents are working all day, and they come home tired, and no one's going to fix nothing. | ||
| No one has the time. | ||
| And the politicians are all in bed with the NRA and all these different organizations as if they're on the left, and everybody's beholden to their special interest groups. | ||
| So these kids are seeing all this shit, and they know nothing's going to happen. | ||
| Nothing's gonna happen! | ||
| More kids are gonna get shot! | ||
| More kids are gonna get shot! | ||
| And then what do the NRA people do? | ||
| They mock these kids. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| At what point doesn't someone pull you aside and go... | ||
| I picture... | ||
| I don't believe in violence, obviously, in relationships, but in the old movies when somebody would have to... | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Backhand, right? | ||
| Just stop! | ||
| Full disdain for any retaliation. | ||
| You're not even trying to hit someone with the best part. | ||
| You know, you hit someone with the back of your hand, the back of your hand is generally more sensitive. | ||
| It hurts. | ||
| If you hit someone with the back of your hand, you can hurt your hand. | ||
| I know a lot of guys who have broken their hands in a fight because they hit someone with a spinning back fist with the back of their hand. | ||
| It's not protected. | ||
| So that's just letting someone know, I'm so dismissive of you. | ||
| And by the way, since we were just saying how to be more peaceful, what I'm saying is when somebody, it doesn't even mean, I'm not saying don't have a conversation and don't disagree. | ||
| Of course I'm not. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| The person that wants to shake you and stop you is once you start making fun of these kids someone even that agrees with you that there shouldn't be any isn't there someone on that side they can go stop and I guess there are but when when they say you know you should learn see Rick Rick Rick what's his name Rick the guy who said if they the kids should instead of looking for someone else to solve their problems they should learn CPR Rick Santorum yeah That doesn't even | ||
| make sense if he actually said that. | ||
| That doesn't even make sense. | ||
| Doctors were tweeting it brilliantly like, you know, like that's... | ||
| So you're saying John Lennon would be alive if you'll go on a new CPR? Is that what you're saying, right? | ||
| Yeah, you just gotta use CPR to repair that blown out liver. | ||
| And they explain that to him. | ||
| But then, you know, you talk about combating kids. | ||
| I thought that was a great way. | ||
| Just some really clean tweets from doctors, breaking it down very cleanly. | ||
| This doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Rick Santorum is a Republican. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| If I could just stop, just one thing I really feel like is really important to this. | ||
| I think both the people on the right and the people on the left have way more in common than they have a part. | ||
| And I think that a lot of the battle that people on the left have is they've chosen to be on the left, the same people on the right. | ||
| They've chosen to be on the right, so anything that happens on the left, they completely disagree with. | ||
| They immediately go, oh, that's a left-wing liberal idea. | ||
| And they just have these little back-and-forths with each other that are completely unnecessary. | ||
| I think the majority of people just want everybody to get along, not have crime. | ||
| You think Bernie Sanders maybe could have done that? | ||
| Not could he have won, but what would have happened if he got- Maybe, but the problem with Bernie is the same reason why he let those Black Lives people take his mic and start screaming into the thing like, hey buddy, can't do that. | ||
| You're running for fucking president and you're showing right here that people could just storm the stage and take the microphone from you. | ||
| Like, you should say, I would love to have a dialogue with you. | ||
| Let's do it publicly. | ||
| Let's schedule it now. | ||
| We'll come back, we'll get a large group of people, and I'll speak with you on this stage, if you represent this very important political movement. | ||
| But here's what you can't do. | ||
| You can't disrespect this campaign speech, because you're literally stopping people from ever voting for me if I let you do it. | ||
| Because that's the fact. | ||
| People watched him do that and they go, you can't let kids just take over your show. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You're the guy who's supposed to be running the country. | ||
| You can't even run this fucking thing. | ||
| You got this one thing. | ||
| You're standing on the stage in front of 300 people. | ||
| Three of them just took your mic. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| You don't have leadership ability. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| What about other than that? | ||
| That's a big part. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| In the moment, he made an error. | ||
| It doesn't mean that's who he is. | ||
| Part of the problem is, people are judging you by these moments that you have, right? | ||
| And it doesn't define him. | ||
| He might have done that and go, well, you know, I was just trying to be nice. | ||
| I didn't expect that. | ||
| I thought security was going to get them out of there. | ||
| But they didn't. | ||
| You know, they didn't. | ||
| They wound up on the stage with him screaming. | ||
| I thought maybe he... | ||
| I've seen him when he did those type of things a few times. | ||
| You want to see the video? | ||
| You want to see it? | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| I thought it was his way of saying, look, I get it. | ||
| What it must feel like to not be able to be heard. | ||
| And it's not my fault that no one's ever listened to you so far. | ||
| But what do we have to do? | ||
| And then maybe he feels they go up and they just... | ||
| A sane person would lead. | ||
| It would lead a sane person when you ignore that long to just grab a mic. | ||
| And maybe he goes, I have to be a part of letting this person spill out a little. | ||
| Yeah, but the problem is then who doesn't spill out? | ||
| Everybody can spill out. | ||
| Everybody can jump up for their own cause, whether it's white power or fucking Jews' Lives Matter, whatever it is. | ||
| You can just decide that you have a group now, and your group may very well be valid, but you can just decide now you're just going to yell out whenever there's some sort of a political speech, and then it'll be your chance to talk. | ||
| You're just going to take the mic and make it all about you? | ||
| Yeah, there's got to be some civility. | ||
| There are a lot of things we need to be concerned with. | ||
| We need to be concerned with war. | ||
| We need to be concerned with poverty, education, health care, all these different things. | ||
| But you can't just represent each one of these very, very important groups and jump on stage everywhere and start yelling. | ||
| Do you know what I thought? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I should be just done with this. | ||
| No, why? | ||
| It's because the subject is like, it gets so exhausting. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Let me add one more thing. | ||
| By the way, you know, you have these theories in your head and then sometimes somebody... | ||
| We'll respond and blow it out, you know, just on your own mark. | ||
| I never thought about that. | ||
| But I had this theory. | ||
| It was a weird way that I thought about it. | ||
| Well, two things. | ||
| One, kids do. | ||
| I'm stealing from the act a teeny bit, but just because it's a stat I use in the act. | ||
| Kids do, if there was a Yelp review, young adults have an amazing Yelp review. | ||
| For being on the right side. | ||
| Who they root for, who they, I think, music... | ||
| Well, you're dealing with some left-wing, democratic, out-here kids. | ||
| You ever talk to some kids from Alabama? | ||
| Well, I'm talking about the masses of kids that march. | ||
| Oh, the ones that march? | ||
| The ones that march, the ones that get involved. | ||
| If you go back and look at, like, you know, Kent State, or, you know... | ||
| Sorry, Alabama. | ||
| I'm sure we could pull up 50. So with that said, now I'm not saying we shouldn't doubt them, If I had a gun to my head and someone said, if we had a crystal ball, are they making the right choice about Bernie Sanders, these kids? | ||
| And I go, oh, let me ask you. | ||
| I've got to talk about that for a while. | ||
| I've got to watch a campaign. | ||
| I've got to watch a debate. | ||
| How's he going to handle public policy? | ||
| I can't just ask. | ||
| They go, we're going to shoot you in your head. | ||
| I go, kids, overwhelmingly kids like him. | ||
| Yeah, he's going to do the right thing! | ||
| And I think if there was a crystal ball, here's my theory. | ||
| But I've never said this, I think, out loud. | ||
| That maybe 50 years from now, just like we're learning about history, they would talk about him in the way that, you know, this guy came into office, picture kids, and they're telling him why, maybe... | ||
| 2022 started to be these good times, and they're talking about history, and they, well, a guy came into office and he really didn't know anything about the, he didn't really know about, he was not, you know, he didn't know about war, he didn't know about, and no one thought he could really do it, but he was one thing that you wouldn't think would answer our economical problems. | ||
| You can be a nice-hearted person, but that's not going to answer your economical problems, but it ended up doing that. | ||
| Because he did truly treat everybody kind. | ||
| And it ended up that when people started to be treated fairly, the world worked better, with less depressed people. | ||
| I'm not saying everybody, but we torture people. | ||
| We had someone in power that was overwhelmingly kind, and people felt the wrath of that almost very quickly. | ||
| And then you know what? | ||
| No one ever thought this. | ||
| Then some of the economical problems worked themselves out. | ||
| Now that is based on no science. | ||
| No math. | ||
| Yeah, I'm acknowledging that, but that was in my head. | ||
| See, the economy is apparently a very complicated thing that can be interpreted many ways. | ||
| Like, there are many people right now that would tell you the economy has never been better, stock markets booming. | ||
| Black people are more employed today than ever in history. | ||
| And these are like the MAGA people, right? | ||
| They'll jump on that. | ||
| And other people will tell you, no, we're sitting on a bunch of huge bubbles, a commercial real estate bubble and credit bubble and all this different shit that could go down at any moment. | ||
| There's all sorts of problems. | ||
| We're getting automated cars soon. | ||
| It's going to put thousands of people out of jobs, if not millions. | ||
| You know, it's hard to figure out who the fuck's right. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| When you talk about a dummy like you or myself and trying to prognosticate what would make people successful and what would make people not, I don't know about the economic part, but what I do know is as long as you have a person who's kind but also firm, Like, a person who's kind, but you also, you're not worried about them if something happens with China or Russia. | ||
| Like, we live in a crazy world. | ||
| We live in a world where there's really basically three superpowers, but one motherfucker of a superpower. | ||
| And that's us. | ||
| But we're run by a guy who used to host Celebrity Apprentice. | ||
| Okay, like it's gotten super squirrely. | ||
| It's super squirrely. | ||
| And there's all these other people that are other superpowers that are going, hmm, what's going on over there? | ||
| That place don't look so fucking healthy. | ||
| That place looks a little fucked up right now. | ||
| And this is like they're expelling Russian diplomats and all this crazy shit's going down and Putin just won another election. | ||
| And we're watching this thing go down between the top three superpowers and one of them is run by a maniac. | ||
| Maybe two of them are, but one of them is run by a guy we know is a maniac, and we put him in there, and a lot of people are still going along with it, and they like it. | ||
| So I got a question for you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Not like snarky or anything, because I was trying to think, like, you know, like, there's more things you said we have in common than there's got to be some commonalities. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Freedom. | ||
| Freedom's number one. | ||
| What would be one that you could like, because I always think like anything I can defend Trump on, even if it's stupid, I go out of my way to defend it. | ||
| One time someone, it doesn't matter what it was, there were two times, and I did. | ||
| I went, no, he didn't do anything. | ||
| But what's something positive? | ||
| About Trump or a bill they want to pass or something they want to do that you think, I'm okay with that. | ||
| What are some of those things? | ||
| Are there any? | ||
| As far as bills, no. | ||
| Something you can be positive, meet in the middle. | ||
| I haven't seen anything that made me very excited. | ||
| I've seen more things that made me very nervous. | ||
| The offshore drilling, that makes me very nervous. | ||
| Obviously those things break sometimes. | ||
| We've had a few of them in our lifetimes. | ||
| The Alaska one, that was a big one. | ||
| I remember that it happened right when I was in high school. | ||
| Or no, right when I was starting to do stand-up. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| Literally right around then, the Valdez had crashed. | ||
| And leaked all that oil and just destroyed this delicate ecosystem with Fuck millions of gallons of oil or whatever it was. | ||
| How many thousands of gallons or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| But they're going to have more offshore drilling. | ||
| That scares the shit out of me. | ||
| They're getting rid of certain public parks and shrinking them and opening up These areas for drilling and natural resources that make people very nervous that in doing this they could be damaging rivers and that these delicate ecosystems where people go and hike and camp through and they're going to close these down. | ||
| That's the real concern. | ||
| The real concern is that people are going to Somehow or another, we're going to suffer so that some companies can profit incredibly off of natural resources that are on public land. | ||
| That's a big fear, because that's some shit that is really unusual about this country, and some shit that Teddy Roosevelt saw way, way in advance. | ||
| He saw the benefit of doing this, of having these massive national parks. | ||
| I haven't hit a button. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| What about positive, I was asking? | ||
| That's negative. | ||
| But that's the number one negative. | ||
| All this social stuff, I mean, I feel like the most hilarious thing is that Kim Jong-un actually wants to talk to him. | ||
| It's like, this guy's so crazy, maybe I'll just talk to him. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| Nobody else wanted to have meetings with that guy, right? | ||
| He's wanted to talk to a president for the longest time. | ||
| They wouldn't talk to him. | ||
| Right, because they don't want to give him that photo opportunity at the very least. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They're worried about their Facebook page. | ||
| Would we witness that if they talked? | ||
| Fuck yeah, we would witness it. | ||
| And Trump would tower over him. | ||
| It would be so creepy. | ||
| Trump's a big guy. | ||
| And you see what happens when... | ||
| Have you ever seen pictures of him with... | ||
| Dennis Rodman. | ||
| Did you ever see pictures of Kim Jong-un? | ||
| I'm good, dude. | ||
| Kim Jong-un is a huge basketball fan, apparently, and loves Dennis Rodman. | ||
| So Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea, parties with him. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| Dennis Rodman, like, if Trump was smart, I know Trump hired Omarosa, Trump should definitely hire Dennis Rodman. | ||
| Fucking 100%. | ||
| Like, 100%. | ||
| Say, Dennis Rodman, please, would you be my emissary? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look how big Dennis Rodman is. | ||
| That's a large fellow. | ||
| And he's not even big compared to a really big guy, right? | ||
| Like LeBron? | ||
| He's pretty big. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Kim Jong-un. | ||
| I still can't say it. | ||
| Get a picture of Kim Jong-un with Dennis Rodman. | ||
| What if he wore like, you think it'd be bad if he wore like foot-high platforms? | ||
| Yeah, they are together. | ||
| But he denied it? | ||
| Yeah, he probably would. | ||
| And he had long pants trying to cover them? | ||
| Well, he's Korean. | ||
| Well, he's North Korean. | ||
| There's some Korean folks that are pretty big. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, the kid who won the heavyweight national title was named Jimmy Kim. | ||
| He was a big Korean kid. | ||
| Big heavyweight kid. | ||
| He was really good. | ||
| Six foot five? | ||
| Yes, I don't know how big Kim Jong-un is, but I bet he looks tiny compared to Dennis Rodman. | ||
| Two foot three. | ||
| I just looked it up on my phone. | ||
| Wow, that was quick. | ||
| I think it would be a weird meeting, but it might actually be okay. | ||
| It might be good. | ||
| This people gotta, something's gotta break over there. | ||
| Like, what they're doing is just insane. | ||
| The way they keep those people essentially hostage. | ||
| There's no food. | ||
| The people that have escaped had horrible fucking parasites in their body. | ||
| See, I feel bad. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| A couple guys escaped and got shot at on the border. | ||
| Fascinating footage, man. | ||
| So you're saying they keep them hostage. | ||
| Who are you talking about? | ||
| The people of North Korea, they're essentially held hostage. | ||
| I mean, they're trapped by dear leader. | ||
| You know what they have to do? | ||
| Like, when the dad died, these people were all weeping in the street, and they had to weep, like, outwardly, loudly, as long as they could do it. | ||
| And if you stopped weeping early, you'd be punished. | ||
| And people who they felt weren't weeping enough got six months in jail. | ||
| It's a crazy place and everyone turns on everyone. | ||
| Everyone rats everyone else out on everything they do. | ||
| You're supposed to meet together. | ||
| You go in front of these people and you rat each other out for all the different things you do. | ||
| Michael Malice has a great book about it. | ||
| Is it called Dear Reader? | ||
| Is that the name of his book? | ||
| Dear Leader or Dear Reader? | ||
| Why do I feel like it's Dear Reader? | ||
| He's a funny guy, Michael Malice, but knows a lot about North Korea. | ||
| Do you ever hear something you're like, I should know that? | ||
| Yeah, I should know it too. | ||
| That's one of the beautiful things about this podcast is just being able to talk to someone. | ||
| It is Dear Reader. | ||
| Being able to talk to people on this podcast and get a little quick three-hour crash course in what the fuck's going on in North Korea. | ||
| So Michael was amazing for that. | ||
| And you know who else was great for that? | ||
| Henry Rollins was. | ||
| Henry Rollins went over there as a fucking tourist. | ||
| Wandered around over there. | ||
| That guy's an animal. | ||
| That guy goes everywhere. | ||
| He just went over to... | ||
| Was there a purpose? | ||
| Henry Rollins just picks a spot on the map. | ||
| You should listen to his podcast he did with Ari Shafir. | ||
| That's the one that really got me... | ||
| I mean, I changed the way I look at Henry. | ||
| I always liked his music. | ||
| I always liked his spoken word stuff and his acting stuff. | ||
| And this is his attitude. | ||
| Just a no-bullshit sort of a guy. | ||
| He's got a little saying that he put on the back wall. | ||
| Of one of the clubs that I worked, one of the theaters that I worked, about the people that work there. | ||
| You know, you're the lucky one, so you should be very thankful that these people who work way harder than you make way less money than you. | ||
| And I'm like, that's a guy that's looking at it the right way. | ||
| So he takes a fucking spot, points it down on the map, and he's like, okay, let's try Bahrain. | ||
| And he just fucking travels to Bahrain. | ||
| You know, he'll go to the middle of Africa, he'll go to Cameroon. | ||
| He just travels there. | ||
| He doesn't know anybody there. | ||
| He buys water when he gets there, brings his fucking camera and some clothes and a laptop, and he takes pictures, and then he writes. | ||
| And he doesn't do any shows or anything? | ||
| He's a fucking animal dude. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| No shows? | ||
| He doesn't do shows anymore. | ||
| He doesn't do shows anymore. | ||
| He does spoken word performances. | ||
| He doesn't do any music anymore. | ||
| He says, I'm done. | ||
| I don't want to do it anymore. | ||
| And just writes books. | ||
| And just writes a lot of articles. | ||
| Writes articles for like a bunch of different publications. | ||
| But I mean, he's super prolific. | ||
| And I really enjoy his writing. | ||
| His writing is... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's crisp. | ||
| It's energetic. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| He writes like the way he talks and the way he behaves. | ||
| Like he appreciates your attention span. | ||
| You know, he's enthusiastic about what he's talking about, and he's got some shit to say. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Well, it sounds like something... | ||
| I'm not a good reader, but I could get it on books on tape, because just hearing it directly. | ||
| Yeah, because I get... | ||
| I like when someone speaks to me very specifically. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I get lost very easily. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| What did I have to say about Rollins? | ||
| He went to North Korea, too. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| A guy went everywhere. | ||
| How long will he go somewhere like that? | ||
| A couple weeks. | ||
| Whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| He's Henry Rollins. | ||
| And he has money, so he can stay in a nice hotel. | ||
| He can do whatever he wants. | ||
| There's no nice hotels. | ||
| There's places where there is no nice hotels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| There's no nice hotels. | ||
| You're not living in a lap of luxury in Cameroon. | ||
| It's like, you know, you take what they got, and, you know, you just hang with the people, you be like the locals, you know, meet some cool people, hang out with them. | ||
| That's the reality. | ||
| The guy was just, you know, feeling his travel oats and really got into it. | ||
| And now it's like a, it's not just recreation, you know. | ||
| It's a recreation, but it's also like a life perspective altering burst that you give yourself, you know. | ||
| You go to Pakistan, you're wandering through the streets of Karachi in Pakistan. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did I do this? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And he's got to actually survive. | ||
| He's got to get out of those places. | ||
| I don't know if I could. | ||
| I mean, I know after you go through something like that, your spirituality, that part I admire, but then doing it, I just... | ||
| I don't want to be in... | ||
| You have to be uncomfortable and hot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You've got to be uncomfortable, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, he's gone everywhere. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll just watch the documentary. | ||
| There's something about going to those places, though. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you ever camp? | |
| Even the few places I've gone. | ||
| Do you ever go camping? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| When was the last time? | ||
| When I was two, maybe. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| About a year ago. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| About a year ago. | ||
| Where'd you guys go? | ||
| Went to... | ||
| Oh, I shot a pilot. | ||
| That sounds so... | ||
| Called Camping with Todd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| And we went... | ||
| We shot it up. | ||
| It was me, Zach Galvanakis, and John Dornetti Pepitone. | ||
| Oh, man, that sounds awesome. | ||
| Close to letting it happen, it happened. | ||
| You know what's weird? | ||
| We didn't end up... | ||
| We shot the pilot. | ||
| Even a bad pilot, but that's the premise. | ||
| I really did think... | ||
| And I don't ever think this... | ||
| But once in a while, I do. | ||
| I'll just be honest with my thought. | ||
| I'll be like, I think this is going to sell. | ||
| Because it's just camping with Todd. | ||
| It's like, you're around a fire, people are comfortable, they talk, you have a musical performance. | ||
| Who was playing the guitar? | ||
| That was John Doerr, but he was just being silly. | ||
| As long as he's only being silly. | ||
| I will not tolerate some real live singing by a fire. | ||
| And then at the end, we did. | ||
| We had someone come out with a trumpet and a guitar, and they did a real kumbayas of public domain. | ||
| And And then we tried to sell it, and no one was really interested, so it's okay. | ||
| You know, what is that thing that people do where they hire someone to play acoustic guitar and sing songs in a restaurant, and they walk over to a table? | ||
| Have you ever seen that before? | ||
| Oh, like a mariachi? | ||
| Not even a mariachi. | ||
| Oh, just a guy with a guitar. | ||
| I was at a restaurant the other day, and this woman, she had an amazing voice. | ||
| She was singing that Dolly Parton song, Jolene. | ||
| Just out of nowhere. | ||
| I went to the bathroom, came back. | ||
| This lady's singing a song. | ||
| What happened here? | ||
| Magicians used to do that? | ||
| Oh, that was the worst, dude. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, who did that? | |
| It would interrupt a conversation. | ||
| You'd be in the middle of a conversation. | ||
| I'd like you to pick a card. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'm not interested. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But if you say thank you, you're the dick. | ||
| I just came here to order food. | ||
| I don't want to do tricks. | ||
| Even though I love close-up magic. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| To me, it's the only magic there is. | ||
| But, yeah, if you're in the middle of a conversation, you really do feel horrible. | ||
| Unless it says, like, magic and meat. | ||
| If that's the name of your place, it's magic and meat. | ||
| And everybody knows... | ||
| You're gonna be a magician. | ||
| And then the magician is gonna come over and come to the table and do his stuff in front of you. | ||
| That is totally cool. | ||
| I'm not against that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But if you're in the middle of a conversation and the magician comes over and all of a sudden wants you to pick a card, like, come on, man. | ||
| We have some shit we have to talk about. | ||
| Just because we're in a public place doesn't mean you can join in. | ||
| Like, we're supposed to be sitting. | ||
| We're paying. | ||
| We're paying here. | ||
| And then you can either be a magician or some people would say conversation stopper. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cock blocker. | |
| What do you put on your card? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it's not even his fault. | ||
| It's just the job. | ||
| That's his job. | ||
| What is he going to do? | ||
| Like, that's what they hired him for. | ||
| Hey, you want to work for us? | ||
| Sure, I need a job. | ||
| Okay, you're going to be a magician. | ||
| You're going to walk around the tables and do magic in front of people. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's not his fault. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's why I... It's the restaurant's fault. | ||
| That's why I always err on... | ||
| Even though I was interrupting the conversation, I just... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| So I'm pretty polite, and I... And try to enjoy it, and it's usually pretty short, but yeah, I'm always wishing, yeah, we're just into this intense conversation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It depends on how high you are, right? | ||
| If you're high, you let the guy talk. | ||
| But if you had a cup of coffee, you're like, hey, dude, I can't. | ||
| What if you give him $500? | ||
| If you own or manage a restaurant, you need a close-up magician. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you need. | |
| And it's all capitals. | ||
| Listen, it's only happened to me twice ever. | ||
| And it wasn't the worst thing in the world. | ||
| I just feel like unless it's in the name of your restaurant, you probably shouldn't do that. | ||
| It's not like something that happens a lot. | ||
| You know there's a magician listening. | ||
| I like magicians. | ||
| I love working at the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| I used to, back in the day before I used to book my own show there, when I would do a show, I would work with a magician always. | ||
| It was always like one comic, a magician, and then maybe one other comic. | ||
| I think that's how they did it. | ||
| They do it a bunch of different ways. | ||
| Oh yeah, in Hermosa Beach. | ||
| Yeah, that place is amazing. | ||
| That place is amazing. | ||
| That place is also like a museum of comedy. | ||
| Inside with all the... | ||
| They have like Popeye's outfit, the Robin Williams wore. | ||
| It's framed on the wall. | ||
| And those signatures in that wall, in the green room. | ||
| It's a crazy array of signatures on a wall from the last 35 years. | ||
| Or 40 maybe. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a long time to be somewhere. | ||
| And be such a nice guy too. | ||
| It's, um, I think that's the second oldest comedy club in the world right now. | ||
| I think the Ice House is number one, and Comedy and Magic is, like, just slightly younger in terms of a club. | ||
| And then where do you go after that? | ||
| The Comedy Works in Denver? | ||
| Pretty close. | ||
| For olders? | ||
| How old is the Comedy Works in Denver? | ||
| It can only be, like, 23 years old or something. | ||
| I thought it was, like, 30. Is it? | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| Yeah, didn't Roseanne start there? | ||
| Maybe Roseanne started there. | ||
| In Detroit, the, uh... | ||
| His name is in the title. | ||
| But still, we're in the 80s, right? | ||
| I mean, there used to be some places... | ||
| The Ice House is from the 60s. | ||
| The Ice House started... | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I didn't mean older. | ||
| I just meant next on the list, where do you go to? | ||
| Yeah, these places are not... | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, there's a few of the old, old, old places that are still around. | ||
| Those are like historical places. | ||
| Like, the Comedy Store is the most historical place. | ||
| But there's a lot of historical places. | ||
| Helium's historical now, because how long has helium been around for? | ||
| 13 years. | ||
| Yeah, that's a spot where universally people talk about that place. | ||
| I feel like Acme in Minneapolis is... | ||
| Laughing Skull in Atlanta. | ||
| That place is off the charts. | ||
| Intimate, 90 people maybe. | ||
| Have you done it? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| The curtain that goes... | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| You know, that's a good example of a room. | ||
| You're going down a hallway, you're at a restaurant. | ||
| Picture everybody, everyone has to go to a club for the first time. | ||
| You go, it's in the back of a restaurant, you go down a hallway, then all of a sudden... | ||
| Even though it's a simple room, there's a sound booth, there's lights, the curtain shuts, the lights go down. | ||
| And I think every second you're in a club like that where they have production, you're like, oh, this is something. | ||
| You know, like the audience that might not know what to expect. | ||
| Now they know it's going to be good sometimes, even before the show starts, just the way the place conducts itself, and then the house lights go out. | ||
| It's like a big deal. | ||
| So that room is a lot of fun in that room. | ||
| It's another one of those really intimate places. | ||
| I don't even think that's 100 people, right? | ||
| 80 people. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Yeah, those spots, man. | ||
| I counted. | ||
| I have a clicker because I'm on a door deal. | ||
| Oh, you're one of those guys. | ||
| No, no, I don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of those guys. | |
| Didn't that happen? | ||
| Someone did that on stage, made everybody call out a number at a club somewhere. | ||
| Oh, because probably to see if there was more than they said. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He was working on some sort of a door deal, and he thought there was more people in the room than the club owner told him, so he had the audience individually count out a number. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| We're going to start from this table over here. | ||
| We're going to move to the left. | ||
| You're number one. | ||
| Ready, sir? | ||
| Go. | ||
| Number one, two, three, four, five, six. | ||
| And people would just, I can't wait to say my number. | ||
| They'd just be sitting there, 36! | ||
| That proves that some people want to yell out. | ||
| That was fun for them. | ||
| How many people were going, oh, right, we don't need to do this. | ||
| They do, but I think it was like a 350-seat room. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Maybe he didn't have the material. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| It's totally possible. | ||
| Totally possible. | ||
| But whatever it is, that's how he found out. | ||
| He went through the whole room and he got past the number that this guy said there were and then there was like still 50 more fucking people. | ||
| I wonder if that's true. | ||
| No, I think it's true. | ||
| I think it's true. | ||
| I think the wait staff is what told me about it. | ||
| And I think they were very enthusiastic with their descriptions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So you think he caught them like a club owner trying to hide how many? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| The good clubs that have been around forever, overwhelmingly, I've had almost perfect experiences. | ||
| The clubs, they're all pretty decent. | ||
| So I forget sometimes what some of the shystier ones, because you hear stories about people on the road manipulating the money and stuff. | ||
| You do hear that. | ||
| That can happen with some clubs. | ||
| I think some club owners develop a very animostic Animosity? | ||
| Is that word animostic? | ||
| That's not even a word. | ||
| It isn't. | ||
| I know what you're gonna say, though. | ||
| Right when it came out of my mouth, right as it was going out, I was like, is that a real word? | ||
| Animosity. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think you can use that as an adjective. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Towards comedy. | ||
| But they develop this animosity between each other. | ||
| The club owners don't want to book you. | ||
| You get mad at the club owners. | ||
| Then when you make it, you're like, fuck that guy. | ||
| I want more money. | ||
| Tell him, fuck him. | ||
| You know, and there's this weird thing that happens. | ||
| Like, they knew you when you sucked. | ||
| And then, you know, like, as you're coming up, They don't want to pay you more, and you're like, but I make more now, I'm a headliner, and you get into this weird sort of thing with each other. | ||
| I think that that poisons the well for a lot of comedian-club owner relationships. | ||
| But we need them so bad. | ||
| You and I are not opening up a comedy club. | ||
| This is not going to happen. | ||
| We need the improv. | ||
| We need these clubs. | ||
| You need the Ha Ha in North Hollywood. | ||
| We need them. | ||
| We all have to work together. | ||
| We should all figure out a way to be nice to each other. | ||
| We need each other. | ||
| We're not going to do that. | ||
| That's why I try, and not only do I try, I do it, too. | ||
| As much as I complain about when they do it wrong, I always spend twice as much time giving clubs a do-it-great shout-outs and throwing love their way. | ||
| There's a lot do-it-right. | ||
| They're so important. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| When I go to... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I thought the mic was coming at me. | ||
| That's the spray. | ||
| The spray's starting to hit. | ||
| Oh, Jamie, how dare you? | ||
| When I go to a place like Portland, the helium in Portland, Philadelphia, but where there's a manager and they run the place. | ||
| Look, I know they're stressed out, but they're good at hiding it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're professional. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| And I thought, I couldn't do that. | ||
| I'd be frantic, but always like, hey, sorry. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| I try to go, wow, give a club like that. | ||
| When that exists, I go, I don't even know how they do it. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I don't know if I could do it like that. | ||
| And then this guy's like, do you remember Tom Sawyer from San Francisco? | ||
| I know of him, yes. | ||
| You never worked for him? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You never worked at the old Cobbs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Of Little Cobbs? | ||
| Once. | ||
| Did you work at Big Cobbs? | ||
| No. | ||
| I did some shows there through a festival, but never through the club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to beat on it too much. | ||
| We're just so fucking lucky that we have places to do it. | ||
| It's just a weird relationship that comics and acts have to each other. | ||
| I know, when it gets volatile. | ||
| Yeah, because both parties have some work to do. | ||
| It's really, if they were in therapy, you both got some things you can fix. | ||
| And as long as, because it is true, it's like, I'm not unaware of what you're saying, because it's just comedians for every club owner that maybe rips somebody off, which of course they exist. | ||
| There's also that comedian that thinks everybody's ripping them off and nobody is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's both. | ||
| When you're not getting booked, it's real easy to develop that sort of animosity between you and a club. | ||
| If you can't work and you think that other guys are not as good as you and they're getting work, and you get frustrated and you're young and dumb already, you can have that sort of weird Complicated relationship. | ||
| It's just one of those weird things. | ||
| Club owners and artists have always, there's always been disputes, right? | ||
| Way back into the day where they, that dude jumped off the fucking roof of the hotel next to the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| That was out of protest between the comedians protesting against the club, right? | ||
| They walked out. | ||
| There was a strike. | ||
| There was an L.A. comedy strike because no one was getting any money. | ||
| And these clubs were smashing it, and we weren't getting any of the money. | ||
| There's always been that. | ||
| And that still goes on today. | ||
| Like UCB. UCB doesn't pay people. | ||
| They don't have to. | ||
| They're doing great. | ||
| I mean, until someone forces them, they can keep doing whatever the fuck they want to do. | ||
| There's also some good blood out there, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| There's a lot of good little communities, too, where guys put together a comedy night somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, and some do a great job at that. | ||
| I'm always in awe of that. | ||
| When you go to a comedy night and someone did it, you're like, they took a bar and made it, every little thing is right. | ||
| Some people really know how to produce a show. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's always fun to walk into that. | ||
| And they just found a good spot, too. | ||
| There was a good spot that I worked at only once, and it was in Encino. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| I'm telling you, I mean, it was a five-minute walk from my house. | ||
| That's when I lived in Encino. | ||
| I lived off of White Oak, and I could just walk down there and go to this weird comedy club. | ||
| I never worked there. | ||
| The entire time I lived there, I never worked there. | ||
| I did one set there, and I was like, what is this place? | ||
| This place is weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What club? | |
| I don't remember the name of it, but it was a bar in the front, and you'd go past the bar to this back room, and it was like all people that I had never seen do stand-up. | ||
| I'd never seen them at the store, never saw them at the Laugh Factory, never saw them at the improv. | ||
| It seemed like they had either just started, or they were crazy. | ||
| Maybe it was the night that I was there, but I was like, this place is nuts. | ||
| And how long ago was this? | ||
| More than 20 years. | ||
| Yeah, this was like 95, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was weird. | ||
| It's a weird little comedy club. | ||
| Like, there's this whole, uh, another world. | ||
| Yeah, there's worlds out there, man. | ||
| There's like, and if you go, like, into Orange County and into San Diego, San Diego's got its own fucking scene. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Santa Barbara had, like, this. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This, uh... | ||
| Santa Barbara. | ||
| Yeah, all these different places. | ||
| Santa Barbara, I don't think, has that comedy club anymore. | ||
| I heard that comedy. | ||
| See if Santa Barbara has a comedy club. | ||
| That thing once a month they do. | ||
| It might have been like six months ago. | ||
| San Francisco has a scene. | ||
| They got a scene. | ||
| Seattle's got a scene. | ||
| There's some scenes out there. | ||
| There's some comedy scenes. | ||
| It's just like how many of them are really thriving. | ||
| It takes a lot of club owners, man. | ||
| That's the thing is what I'm saying to these people that don't get along so good with club owners. | ||
| If they're not doing it, we're not gonna. | ||
| Comedy hideaway. | ||
| In Santa Barbara, it says closed right now. | ||
| Hours. | ||
| Does it mean closed forever? | ||
| No, it's 1 p.m. | ||
| on Wednesday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| He'll do random shows. | ||
| 1 p.m.? | ||
| He still does. | ||
| He still has shows. | ||
| It's just always under Comedy Hideaway, and that's where he found out, oh, he's doing it there. | ||
| He's doing it there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| So it's a hideaway. | ||
| So it's like a gig. | ||
| Oh, he goes to different spots. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Sometimes he'll be in the same spot for the weekend. | ||
| Sometimes it bounces around. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm his manager. | ||
| I'm telling the kid. | ||
| He's got to be more specific with his social media marketing. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| But what makes a scene is a club owner. | ||
| Like Wendy. | ||
| Wendy from the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| She makes the scene. | ||
| That's the club owner. | ||
| She's the one who puts her finances at risk. | ||
| She's the one who manages it. | ||
| She runs two clubs. | ||
| And in those two clubs that she ran... | ||
| She runs currently. | ||
| She created the Denver scene. | ||
| Mitzi created the LA scene at the store. | ||
| Mitzi's guidance, her what she tolerated, what she enforced, and what she preferred, and who she gave enthusiasm to, she shaped so many comics, man. | ||
| You know, so there's a few of those club owners that are like super super special like really really important people They just they create an environment where shit pops out of I know I say it's the closest thing like Presenting knowing how to present something especially when it's comedy. | ||
| I'm in awe of whenever somebody, you know Do you ever think you would do that? | ||
| I mean you've designed them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you ever think you would I don't think I'd want to own a club, because I get it. | |
| Comedians can be hard to deal with. | ||
| Some of them are just crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some of them, you just can't do it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| The other reason? | ||
| I was close once, maybe. | ||
| Let's say there's somebody I like as a comedian, but maybe they trash a hotel. | ||
| I don't need to know that. | ||
| And then be mad at them. | ||
| Oh, what happened? | ||
| How come you don't talk to blah, blah, blah anymore? | ||
| Because I make my club in Philadelphia real nice. | ||
| And then he went in and he... | ||
| You know, they tore the curtain down, and I don't want to not like him for that. | ||
| So let me not own a club and deal with anybody I know on a business level. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| People do it, and it's hard, but they'd empathize with what I'm saying more than anything. | ||
| So it also says we're not delusional when we complain about clubs, because it says, yeah, we get it. | ||
| There's some... | ||
| When they do it right, there's some comedians that shit on it. | ||
| They ruin a condo that they're trying to make nice. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But overwhelmingly, it's probably... | ||
| No, it's blood. | ||
| No, you are trying to be fair. | ||
| There's just a certain amount of people that are nuts. | ||
| They're gonna fuck places up. | ||
| They're gonna ruin things. | ||
| They don't give a shit. | ||
| Or on a club, or whatever they do. | ||
| Ruin the relationship that the club has with some other business, you know? | ||
| It's just, you know, comedians are crazy. | ||
| Here's me on the phone. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's shit? | |
| For what? | ||
| And that's not even normal. | ||
| That's not even normal is a good one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I know he's crazy. | ||
| And then somebody that I, well, you know, he said he wanted to pay for the steam cleaning. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| We'll get new carpet. | ||
| Yeah, just diarrhea, man. | ||
| He said spray diarrhea before. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because that's, to me, if you're saying the wrong thing. | ||
| That's what it sounds like. | ||
| Just shitting diarrhea all over everybody. | ||
| But that's not even your fault with a lot of people. | ||
| A lot of people, it's like they don't Probably realize what they're doing. | ||
| They're doing it and they think they're right, but they're just looking at it from their own personal, selfish perspective because they're excited about what they're saying and because they're engaged in a contest. | ||
| It's not just that they're talking about stuff. | ||
| They're engaged in a contest they're trying to win. | ||
| That's where the diarrhea comes out. | ||
| They're just throwing it at you and getting in your face. | ||
| It's like, ugh. | ||
| This is a contest and they'll suck you in. | ||
| Suck you into it. | ||
| See, that's what I think one of the big things is wrong with people today, and it's been wrong of me in the past. | ||
| You get into these conflicts for no fucking reason. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| There's no fun in that. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| If you want to get in conflicts, you should be doing difficult shit with your life. | ||
| There's a lot of different difficult things to do. | ||
| Don't, like, get in arguments with people over nonsense. | ||
| Have you done it in the past ever? | ||
| Arguments with people over nothing? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Fuck you, is that in the car window, you know? | ||
| No, fuck you, fuck you. | ||
| You feel like such a loser after you get out of there. | ||
| Like, what did I even say? | ||
| Yeah, we've all done that. | ||
| Somebody cuts you off or someone's on their phone, they almost slam into you and you freak out and they give you the bird and you're like, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| And now almost zero? | ||
| Almost zero. | ||
| Almost zero. | ||
| Most of the time I'm pretty cool. | ||
| It's a matter of always thinking about it. | ||
| It's a matter of always recognizing, like, these are just stupid impulses. | ||
| Don't just follow any childish impulse like some 13 year old who's got his first boner. | ||
| Like, use your fucking brain. | ||
| Don't yell. | ||
| Just use your brain. | ||
| I just, more than anything, because it's usually not even involving me when I still witness the finger out the window. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| I always go, from a calm place, who are you? | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I've seen it, a civil person that probably is about to sit down at a restaurant, and probably a relatively nice guy, but that's, if you're 40 years old, or 20, or whatever age, the younger, the more understandable. | ||
| But when you see, let's go with a 40-year-old, putting his finger out the window, Fuck! | ||
| I go, who are you? | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| How can you be at most value to your children's lives if that's the way you express yourself? | ||
| Don't tell me, oh, I'll do that, but I'm a good... | ||
| No, that's got to leak into everything you do. | ||
| You're putting your hand out the window. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| I'm like, who are you? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| You should treat everybody in the other car as if they're a giant, friendly linebacker. | ||
| Don't ever say I'll fuck you up. | ||
| Don't ever say I'll kick your ass. | ||
| Have a little bit of fear of them. | ||
| Don't want to be mad at you. | ||
| Lay back. | ||
| That's how you should treat everybody. | ||
| If we all just did that, we'd all get along great. | ||
| You know, you don't look at some giant asshole. | ||
| I go to this gym, these NFL players go there, and it's hilarious, man. | ||
| I'm like, excuse me, pardon me. | ||
| Ducking under dude's elbows and shit, trying to get to the weight stacks. | ||
| They're enormous people. | ||
| I mean, some of these guys are like six foot four, 300 plus pounds, just enormous, enormous fucking people. | ||
| Just show a little. | ||
| Have a little respect. | ||
| If those guys were in cars all around you, you wouldn't be yelling, fuck you, pull over, pull over, pussy, pull over. | ||
| You wouldn't do that, because these guys will smash you. | ||
| They're not even the same thing as you. | ||
| The reason that it makes me laugh, that behavior, is because it's not always a maniac in real life, but they should see their behaviors maniac-like. | ||
| Because it is. | ||
| Do you know where it comes from? | ||
| What? | ||
| Do you know where it comes from? | ||
| Just not being able to express yourself? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| When you're in a car, you're worried. | ||
| Your senses are ramped up. | ||
| Like, if ten is, like, full awareness, you're at, like, six or seven, where in normal life you're at one. | ||
| Like, you're already, like, kind of wrapped up, because everything's moving fast around you, and trying to stay calm, and someone's doing something, or trying to get in your lane, all you fucking piece of shit! | ||
| You're ramped up already. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's why when you're late, you know, when you're late for something, even me, and I'm a pretty civil person, and I try to stop it, but if I'm super late and nervous, I will say to the person doing the most mundane thing, what the fuck are you doing?! | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Go! | ||
| Go, pussy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go! | |
| I will say this. | ||
| Go into traffic! | ||
| Zero out the window. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| I'm talking about this is in the kit. | ||
| But even in the contents of your own car, you should be proud of your behavior. | ||
| But at least I know well enough, when I'm doing that, that's got to be for me, and I should work on that, too. | ||
| I had a dude scream at me and take his shirt off to show me his tattoos. | ||
| That's just sad! | ||
| And then he called me a rich piece of shit. | ||
| I was not rich at the time, but I did have a white suburban. | ||
| And I guess white suburban made you think... | ||
| I mean, I wasn't famous at the time. | ||
| He didn't know who the fuck I was. | ||
| But I don't remember what it was about, but I remember the dude took his shirt off to show me his tattoos, and I started pointing at him laughing. | ||
| I'm like, ah! | ||
| I go, did you take your shirt off to show me your tattoos so that I'll think you're a tough guy? | ||
| Is that what you just did? | ||
| I'm like, that is hilarious. | ||
| And so I'm yelling this at him. | ||
| And he's getting more and more red in the face. | ||
| And I go, that's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I'll fucking kick your fucking ass, you fucking faggot. | |
| You rich piece of shit. | ||
| I'm like, rich piece of shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| And I just drove. | ||
| At least I was thinking, at least I'm driving this big ass truck. | ||
| If he slams into me, he's going to get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, that's huge. | ||
| Nobody thinks to is ever ready for like to be called out because he knows why it's so stupid He thought I'd be scared of him because he's got tattoos everywhere. | ||
| Meanwhile, as soon as he took his shirt off, I was convinced I could fuck him up. | ||
| I was like, this dude doesn't work out. | ||
| There's no way he knows anything. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| I mean, he was just like a guy, you know? | ||
| He wasn't like a scary guy, but he had tattoos everywhere, like all over his neck and shit. | ||
| And they weren't even good. | ||
| I like tattoos. | ||
| It was just such a stupid thing. | ||
| But I mean, I bet if I knew that guy in real life, and we were just together in a fucking office building, and he worked in one office and I worked in another, I'd be like, what's up, man? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Everything cool? | ||
| We've been friendly as shit. | ||
| It's just this weird thing when you're on the highway and everybody's ramped up. | ||
| Everybody's nervous. | ||
| You don't even realize you're nervous, even if you're calm and you're good. | ||
| You're always ready to do this. | ||
| You're always ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody's... | |
| Oh, she's hit the brakes. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| It's a fucking thing in the road. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You're always ready for that. | ||
| You have to be ready for that. | ||
| That's why when I go to my house to Silver Lake, some people want to get on the highway, and I go, I don't want to get on the highway. | ||
| First of all, it always ends up being about the same time, but even if it's five minutes longer, on surface streets, On a highway, I feel like I'm getting too out there in this highway world. | ||
| I just want to go somewhere where I'm not on the highway. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Because on the side road, I can handle it. | ||
| But on the highway, I just get stressed out a little more. | ||
| So I'm like, if it's 10 minutes longer, I don't care. | ||
| Yeah, there's not a bad idea. | ||
| It's not a bad idea. | ||
| It's chilling. | ||
| It's more relaxed. | ||
| It's chill. | ||
| I'll take Pico. | ||
| You're stopping, slow down. | ||
| No one's driving that fast. | ||
| I'll take Pico from Center City to my house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like going over Laurel. | ||
| I like going over Laurel Canyon. | ||
| You know, when you go into Hollywood, it's like, it's more chill. | ||
| It's kind of cool. | ||
| Get that cool drive down, that winding road down. | ||
| That winding road down is excellent, man. | ||
| It reminds you you're in LA. Yeah, and I always think of, like, these bad motherfuckers that live right there on the road. | ||
| Like, who do you have to be to be so confident in people that you buy a house right there on Laurel Canyon, around one of those corners, where someone can easily miscalculate and slam right into your car and slam into your house? | ||
| You know those streets? | ||
| Like, Laurel in particular is like... | ||
| There's a lot of, like, jockeying for positioning on Laurel. | ||
| I saw a guy the other day take a chance move and dump into the left lane to oncoming traffic to pass a guy on Laurel. | ||
| And I was like, whoa. | ||
| That is a... | ||
| Like, you're committing to being a cocksucker. | ||
| Like, you're going down this... | ||
| There's no way you know if someone's coming. | ||
| You don't have enough time. | ||
| And if they're coming up the hill, like, you're coming down the hill, the same kind of assholishness, we got a real problem here. | ||
| Like, you're going into the left lane. | ||
| But it's right next to your house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| These people, their houses are right there, man! | ||
| Like, you could, like, reach out and smack their mailman in the ass as they're driving by. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| I always think that, like, on the highway, when there's an apartment building so close to the highway, that you could forget something and go, honey, I'm pulling around on the overpass, come over to the window and throw me my shoes. | ||
| Like an episode of The Honeymooners or some shit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Catch! | ||
| Catch! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a string maybe they run from the... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Whenever I look at a science fiction movie about the future, like District 9... | ||
| Remember District 9? | ||
| Great fucking movie, man. | ||
| But one of the things about these super uber-congested cities... | ||
| You look at them and you go, okay, is that coming? | ||
| Is that going to be everywhere? | ||
| Are we going to be really living in this sort of weird, dystopian future? | ||
| I mean, New York City is in the perfect spot, right? | ||
| Because it's not quite dystopian, but it's definitely exceptional. | ||
| Like, those views that you get... | ||
| Like, a buddy of mine had an apartment in Brooklyn on the water, facing the city, which I think is even... | ||
| I don't know if it's better than being in the city, but it's pretty fucking stunning. | ||
| And I just was in his living room going, holy shit, man, this is crazy. | ||
| Like, this view is crazy. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Like, stunning. | ||
| But if that keeps going, right, then it becomes this monolithic, huge favela, like, you know, some crazy, like, completely stuffed with people, and chickens and dogs running around, and, I mean, like, all these future dystopia movies, they're all, everything's all, it's not like everything's amazing in the future. | ||
| We have these huge, super-populated cities and everything's perfect. | ||
| No! | ||
| It's all, like, way more crime, way more craziness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Stress down. | ||
| Well, it's just thinking... | ||
| I think people are improving and you think people are improving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We both do. | ||
| We think life's improving. | ||
| Does that mean you're kidding? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But I'm saying there is a problem with the numbers. | ||
| The actual raw numbers of us. | ||
| Like, if you go back just a few decades, the amount of people was like 5 billion less. | ||
| I mean, it's not that long. | ||
| I mean, I think you go back to like the 80s. | ||
| We've done this before, and I know. | ||
| I always forget, and I probably should remember. | ||
| But what was world population in 1985? | ||
| That's when I got out of high school. | ||
| I want to say it was less than three billion. | ||
| That's what I want to say. | ||
| No? | ||
| I'm wrong? | ||
| Five billion? | ||
| A little less than five billion? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I feel a little bit better. | ||
| Anyway, during that time, from 1985 to 2018, it's now... | ||
| Is it seven billion, or has it hit eight? | ||
| Because the world population was real close to eight. | ||
| Seven? | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That's a lot of people. | ||
| That's gaining more than two billion people in just a few decades. | ||
| So you keep doing that. | ||
| You do that a few decades more. | ||
| Does it accelerate? | ||
| You must, because there's two billion more people having people. | ||
| So it's got to accelerate exponentially. | ||
| Every problem you list, I feel like I connect it right back to old people. | ||
| Like, the population... | ||
| We just live in a society that, oh, we have kids, have kids. | ||
| No one goes, hey, well, learn about yourself. | ||
| And when you really know what your patients are, then if you start, you'll see it a certain time. | ||
| You might be, no, no one, just that type of, you have to have kids, okay, that's older people, you know, that put that thought out there. | ||
| The energy problem, if, like, kids were, if we were just letting kids lead, we'd have electric cars already. | ||
| You know, like, they already had that information back then, and we just... | ||
| The real problem with electric cars are the batteries. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| But what about just... | ||
| Elon Musk is pretty much at the top of the heap when it comes to figuring out electric car technology. | ||
| I don't think there's anybody that's ever had it nailed down like him before. | ||
| I mean, there's a few different car companies that make really good electric cars. | ||
| Fisker makes a really good one. | ||
| But the technology is reliant upon those batteries. | ||
| This is not something we could have had 30 years ago. | ||
| What about solar power? | ||
| Solar power is absolutely viable, and especially in California, where it's never raining. | ||
| I mean, it's been raining out here for a few days, and everybody's like, this is amazing. | ||
| It's like we're living in Seattle. | ||
| Everything's all green and shit, but it's sunny most of the time, and we could just be collecting energy for that. | ||
| Political issues with that, there's like, you know, you'd have to get the infrastructure ready. | ||
| You'd have to, you could sell back to the grid. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| You know, people do do that. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, difficulty, though. | ||
| Apparently, Brian Callen went through that when he got his house solar-powered, and he said, is it really a lot of red tape? | ||
| And he goes, and it seems like they're trying to discourage you from doing it and make it difficult for you to do it. | ||
| For you to switch over to electric. | ||
| Because he had his installed and hooked up for months before it got switched on with the grid. | ||
| It was like a real issue. | ||
| And then, even more so, I think, if you want to go off-grid. | ||
| So you can use solar power and have no connection to the grid. | ||
| That's a slippery slope. | ||
| And in some places, I don't know if you can do that. | ||
| I think some places might actually prevent you from doing that, which is really weird. | ||
| They can prevent you. | ||
| You will only use our logs! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one else's logs should be in your hearth! | |
| Our logs! | ||
| Basically, that's what they're saying. | ||
| That is what they're saying. | ||
| Because that's not the tone they say. | ||
| You can't say, hey man, I don't need your power anymore, but thanks. | ||
| No, you will be on all grid. | ||
| How do you think they would sell that? | ||
| Just guessing. | ||
| How do they make that make sense? | ||
| They would have to have some regulations. | ||
| We don't know shit about your solar. | ||
| We don't know if it's dangerous. | ||
| We don't know what you're up to. | ||
| I mean, they can sell it in any way they want if they're doing it in order to save their constituents money or to, you know... | ||
| Do the bidding of whatever special interest group is lobbying for them to do it. | ||
| That's why they do those things. | ||
| They don't do those things because they make sense. | ||
| They don't do those things because they're logical. | ||
| Hey, don't get that free power. | ||
| Let me make it confusing to get that free power. | ||
| Make it real hard for you to turn on. | ||
| I'm just going to stretch it out a few months. | ||
| You've got to keep paying me for a few months. | ||
| If they can just do that with a million customers, You have three million more months of billable hours if they wanted to do it that way. | ||
| If they just made it a policy to act slower. | ||
| I don't know how it works, man. | ||
| But I know how money works. | ||
| I bet there's truth to what you're saying. | ||
| There has to be! | ||
| There's so much money involved. | ||
| They don't make power companies because they're altruistic, beautiful people who want everybody to watch TV. They do because they want that cash, baby! | ||
| That's why they're going to drill holes right next to the river. | ||
| Come on, that's why all the good stuff is. | ||
| Fuck the salmon! | ||
| They're just going to get in there and just start drilling. | ||
| They don't give a fuck, man. | ||
| People who just want money don't give a fuck. | ||
| This is what's the problem with guys like Trump. | ||
| This is what the problem with the guys like he brings in. | ||
| The number one thing is not making money. | ||
| The number one thing is sustainability. | ||
| That's the number one thing. | ||
| Living off the earth. | ||
| That's the number one thing. | ||
| Can we live off this earth? | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Number two thing, we gotta be safe. | ||
| Okay, how can we be safe? | ||
| Well, first of all, we need to be able to talk. | ||
| So freedom of speech is hugely fucking important when it comes to being safe. | ||
| You need to be able to say things without fear of repercussion. | ||
| You need to be able to communicate 100% honestly amongst each other so we can figure out how you really feel. | ||
| Tell me how you really feel about this, then I can understand you. | ||
| I don't really understand you yet because you're hiding how you really feel about life, parts of life. | ||
| That's where freedom of speech is so goddamn important. | ||
| Just one aspect of it being important. | ||
| Being able to protest about stuff. | ||
| All that shit. | ||
| Do you have to pee? | ||
| Is that what you wrote down? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Who just did that? | ||
| Somebody just did that the other day and handed me a note. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have to pee. | |
| How long have we gone? | ||
| Oh, it was Pat Miletic, yeah. | ||
| It's 1.30. | ||
| What did we start at? | ||
| Like, 11.15? | ||
| So you do the math. | ||
| I'm too stupid for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I already... | |
| It's complicated, bro. | ||
| It's just me, too. | ||
| That's what we were talking about. | ||
| That's why you eat the food that you shouldn't be eating. | ||
| Same reason. | ||
| You got that fuck it gene. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| After midnight, it's just bad. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| Oh, I do it sometimes. | ||
| I came home the other day from the ice house Saturday night, and I cooked a steak at one in the morning. | ||
| I got the cast iron skillet out, and I put some butter down. | ||
| I had steak and kimchi while I watched TV at 1 o'clock in the morning or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| And it was delicious, right? | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I'm lucky that I... The reason I want to stop is not because I get sick. | ||
| I really have an iron stomach if there's such a thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| But it's just, you know, it still makes me feel a little bit, like, I don't get sick, but you feel a little heavy in the morning. | ||
| Dude, I took two whole days, yesterday and the day before, where I ate bullshit. | ||
| Yesterday, I ate egg rolls. | ||
| The day before, I had a big bowl of pasta, and I had a cupcake. | ||
| I just decided, fuck it. | ||
| It's Sunday, or Monday, or whatever it was. | ||
| Sunday and Monday. | ||
| Let's just have some fun. | ||
| So for two days, I just ate whatever the fuck I wanted. | ||
| I just decided, I want to do that. | ||
| I had the worst farts of my career. | ||
| I mean, of my career of farting. | ||
| These were the bombs to end all bombs. | ||
| My body's just not designed to do that anymore. | ||
| It just doesn't want to do that anymore because I've been eating so clean so regularly that just a couple of days of pasta and bullshit and egg rolls and my body was like, fuck you. | ||
| I felt lethargic. | ||
| I was like, I just want to sit down all the time. | ||
| My workout sucked. | ||
| It was hard to push myself. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| Like, this is not good. | ||
| Like, eating bullshit. | ||
| This is what most people are doing. | ||
| Most people are doing all day. | ||
| They're eating candy bars and bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me? | |
| And they're not getting any nutrients. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You? | |
| I mean, I... You eat candy bars? | ||
| Well, here's what... | ||
| I mean, I'll... | ||
| I eat very bad. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You should eat good. | ||
| You're a smart guy. | ||
| Why don't you approach it like you're taking in the artwork of these people who cook food for you? | ||
| Or learn how to cook yourself? | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| During the day, I eat great. | ||
| I juice every day. | ||
| Like kale, carrots, celery, ginger, beets, every single day. | ||
| So you don't eat terrible. | ||
| Well, no, that's just because my only thing I can do to say, okay, while I have this shitty diet, I can at least say to my body, like I think of myself as my body going, thank you for giving us some good stuff. | ||
| We wish you wouldn't eat that other shit, but thanks for something. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| Every day I juice. | ||
| But then it gets bad late at night. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's good though. | ||
| So you're not all bad. | ||
| You have a lot of good habits. | ||
| Like you're very aware that you need nutrients. | ||
| When you do do that stuff and juice, one of the things that they say, we should probably look this up right now because I'm obviously not a nutrition expert, but I'm pretty sure they say that vitamins are absorbed better when you have them with some healthy fat. | ||
| So I think they recommend coconut oil. | ||
| If you have some coconut oil with vegetables, when you drink vegetable juice, it actually can enhance the absorption of some of the vitamins. | ||
| Wow, that's good to know. | ||
| Yeah, so some people mix it in or mix MCT oil, medium-chain triglyceride oil. | ||
| Fat-soluble vitamins. | ||
| You won't get enough vitamin D from drinking vegetable juice. | ||
| It's found mainly in fatty cheese, fatty fish, cheese, mushrooms, egg yolks, beef liver, and fortified foods. | ||
| You need vitamin D. That's a... | ||
| Yeah, they're just saying that vitamin D is very difficult to get if you're vegan. | ||
| That's all that's saying. | ||
| I do eat food, too. | ||
| The thing is, at night, I'm so hungry. | ||
| I'll go to the Vons. | ||
| I'll be like, well, listen, I'm going to want candy no matter what. | ||
| And I had dinner at like 5.30. | ||
| This is like now at 9. So I don't really need dinner. | ||
| I ate dinner. | ||
| So I'd go, well, if I'm going to get dinner, I'm going to want candy. | ||
| A second dinner, whatever you want to call it. | ||
| A second dinner. | ||
| A treat. | ||
| I know this is bad, but the last few weeks, I'll be there and I'll be like, you know what? | ||
| I'm gonna eat. | ||
| I'm gonna want candy. | ||
| I'll just get candy. | ||
| And then I'm proud of myself. | ||
| You didn't need food and candy. | ||
| Get food or candy. | ||
| When I get candy, I get candy. | ||
| It's not like a bet. | ||
| Do you get like a jumbo Snickers bar? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I told someone that helps out at the podcast when they're at the Vaughan's to get me a candy bar. | ||
| They brought me back a candy bar. | ||
| A little... | ||
| I'm like, are you... | ||
| What kind? | ||
| Oh, Reese's Cups, I said. | ||
| Get some Reese's Cups. | ||
| They brought back two Reese's Cups in a pack. | ||
| Oh, little ones? | ||
| Yeah, I go, when I say Reese's Cups, I mean a bag. | ||
| Like, I had this fantasy. | ||
| Now the fantasy that I had of eating Reese's Cups non-stop for 5-10 minutes is now gone. | ||
| Love, love Reese's Cups. | ||
| Do you like the double? | ||
| The big ones. | ||
| Yeah, the big thick ones. | ||
| And I like to have them with ice cream. | ||
| Oh, I've done that many times. | ||
| All kinds of ice cream. | ||
| Chocolate ice cream. | ||
| Fuck it, I'll have it with strawberry. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| I know, but what would we say no to? | ||
| Crazy, bro. | ||
| I know what I would rather have, but you take a double Reese's Cup, put it in the microwave for literally 10 seconds. | ||
| And then get the vanilla ice cream and just smash it on top. | ||
| It's absurd. | ||
| Absurd. | ||
| There's something about ice cream and some cakes, like a warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Holy shit. | ||
| Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| A good warm chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Apple pie, though, with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream. | ||
| Holy shit, Todd Glass. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit, that's good. | ||
| The French apple pie with vanilla ice cream. | ||
| Apple pie is American, motherfucker. | ||
| I don't know where you get this French shit from. | ||
| Here's what McDonald's should do. | ||
| Do they even have apples in France? | ||
| Speaking of apple pie... | ||
| McDonald's should do this. | ||
| Take a glass, a clear glass that you can see, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Picture the commercial. | ||
| They'll shoot it right. | ||
| Then put the apple pie in there. | ||
| Apple pie in a glass. | ||
| And then fill it with vanilla ice cream and put some caramel sauce and go, call it their apple pie a la mode. | ||
| And put a spoon and you get the apple pie, the vanilla ice cream, a little bit of sauce at the top too. | ||
| You shouldn't be telling them this on the show. | ||
| You should go to them with a proposal. | ||
| The Todd Glass apple pie a la mode. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| And they have all the stuff there to need it. | ||
| You can be their spokesperson in the commercial. | ||
| This is my idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's amazing. | |
| Just do it that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| Look on the side, there's the apple pie and the ice cream and some caramel sauce on the top. | ||
| Caramel sauce, dig in! | ||
| It's apple pie a la mode! | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| It is a good idea. | ||
| Especially if you could figure out how to nuke only the apple pie. | ||
| Well, they could. | ||
| So they'd have to put it together as they made. | ||
| No, the apple pie is already hot. | ||
| It's in there. | ||
| So they drop it in. | ||
| They drop it in hot. | ||
| And then drop the ice cream on top. | ||
| Drop the ice cream on top. | ||
| That's genius. | ||
| Takes a couple seconds to make, right? | ||
| You don't just grab it, you gotta drop one in there. | ||
| It's very easy to make. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bang, bang. | ||
| It's their, their, yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That's a really good... | ||
| That's the best idea I've ever heard on this podcast. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Oh, they have it. | ||
| This isn't McDonald's. | ||
| I used to work at a restaurant that made this exact dessert the way you're describing it. | ||
| In a glass? | ||
| Yeah, in the exact order. | ||
| Well, I'm not saying the idea is that... | ||
| Yeah, I know, but... | ||
| I'm saying it's that they have all the ingredients to do it. | ||
| They have those glasses. | ||
| They have apple pie. | ||
| Well, they should just serve it because I bet it would be a big seller. | ||
| Those apple pies are not bad either. | ||
| Those McDonald's apple pies, when you want one... | ||
| Those are not bad. | ||
| No. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Two for a dollar. | ||
| Is that what they are? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's pretty good. | ||
| Here's my bad... | ||
| I call it junk... | ||
| It's junk food. | ||
| It's food, but it's junk food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But not candy. | ||
| Junk food. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I like to get the biggest McDonald's hamburger there is. | ||
| Like, whatever it is that I can get on the menu. | ||
| I look, okay, can I get that with nothing on it? | ||
| Just a plain burger, no cheese, no nothing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Then I get an egg McMuffin. | ||
| You can either do two things. | ||
| One, you can take all the ingredients off the Egg McMuffin and put it in the hamburger. | ||
| So you have a hamburger with an egg, a piece of ham. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Or take the hamburger, put it, and let the Egg McMuffin be the bread. | ||
| But it's pretty good. | ||
| That sounds pretty goddamn good. | ||
| That sounds like you're doing God's work. | ||
| You're figuring out some stuff that they can't figure out. | ||
| They figured out some impressive things. | ||
| They figured out how to make a fucking juicy, delicious pancake that's the top of a McMuffin. | ||
| Those McGriddles. | ||
| That is one of my all-time favorite cheat foods. | ||
| A goddamn McGriddle. | ||
| Those are fucking delicious. | ||
| You want to talk about like... | ||
| The good feeling in your mouth for a buck, like how much bang you get for your buck, if you're hungry with the cheese and the egg, holy shit! | ||
| Here's my point, how much I agree with you. | ||
| And we're not saying the ingredients or anything. | ||
| If you took that McGriddle, I say this with a lot of foods. | ||
| I'm just using this as an example because you just said that actual item. | ||
| But I say this with a lot of things. | ||
| Take that McGriddle, put it on a chopping block at a French restaurant, and then all you do is put that McGriddle on the chopping block, and then maybe put some syrup all over it, deliver it to a table. | ||
| No one's going to go, it's good, but it's not like it's food. | ||
| No, they're going to go, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You know what I say about Papa John's? | ||
| Cinnamon things they do. | ||
| You know where they take the bread, they put the... | ||
| It's not only they put the butter on it, but then the vanilla glaze all over it. | ||
| They put it in the oven. | ||
| If you were anywhere, they'd go, oh, at about 6 in the morning, they put the fresh cinnamon tarts out, you know? | ||
| And then you took a Papa John's, put it on. | ||
| No one would eat it and go, it's good, it's sugary, it's doing the job. | ||
| They'd go, what?! | ||
| What if you had a McGriddle with ice cream on it? | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Ice cream in between. | ||
| Like in between the layers, you put the McGriddle down with the sausage. | ||
| It'd be absurd. | ||
| It'd be fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, sausage? | ||
| Oh, I didn't think of the sausage. | ||
| Sausage McGriddle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sausage McGriddle. | |
| I just thought the bread and the syrup and stuff. | ||
| No, the whole bag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sausage? | |
| I mean, that would... | ||
| Let's see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| What do you not say? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| You could definitely do it. | ||
| I've always loved Hawaiian pizza. | ||
| The pineapple and ham together. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| Some people... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'll argue social issues, because I think there's a good side of it. | ||
| But some people, I'm okay to let go when people go, I can't believe someone would like pineapple and pizza. | ||
| Okay! | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can't believe you like the pixies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Is this okay? | ||
| You know what I really love? | ||
| I'm a pineapple. | ||
| Pineapple and anchovy. | ||
| I know it sounds disgusting. | ||
| It tastes amazing. | ||
| It's one of my all-time favorite pizzas. | ||
| It might be my all-time. | ||
| Mine's pineapple and sliced sausage. | ||
| What are you watching, Jamie? | ||
| This is a McGriddle. | ||
| Oh, this is how they make it? | ||
| No, being rolled into those rolled ice cream things that's popular right now. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's almost what you just described, but not quite, and it looks actually kind of gross. | ||
| So they froze it and then turned it into those things? | ||
| Yeah, you're seeing those... | ||
| And they chopped it up and flattened it out. | ||
| It's like barely food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so... | |
| It's barely food. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it's not the inside of the McGriddle. | ||
| No, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's just the outside. | ||
| As it starts over here again. | ||
| And they turned it into this thing. | ||
| Does McDonald's do it? | ||
| Yeah, well that makes sense. | ||
| If it's the inside of the McGriddle because it's all, I mean the outside rather, because it's all just that doughy shit anyway. | ||
| Oh, so they poured the batter on it and then shot it. | ||
| Oh, it is everything. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's the meat too. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| It might be good, but I don't know. | ||
| It might be good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, it's probably an interesting way to eat. | ||
| I mean, it's no different than what you're doing when you're masticating it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| You're making that out of it. | ||
| It's just making that already. | ||
| It's just maybe you don't want to see it. | ||
| I found out this past weekend that ground beef was invented by the Mongols. | ||
| Ground meat. | ||
| I went to see the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Reagan Library. | ||
| Fuck living back then, dude. | ||
| You think it'd be hard to start over as an open mic comic? | ||
| Imagine starting off in a Mongol camp. | ||
| Wait, why was ground beef invented? | ||
| They invented ground beef, apparently. | ||
| Mongols invented... | ||
| The Mongol Empire is either indirectly responsible, directly responsible, or they invented, like, a shitload of things. | ||
| And what year would that be? | ||
| What year would it be? | ||
| I think that was, like, the 1200s that they existed, that they first came to be. | ||
| Just before that, they just ate steak? | ||
| No, I mean, look, they all... | ||
| Whatever you call it. | ||
| I think they probably just, yeah, they just probably cooked meat and just ate the meat. | ||
| And then someone figured out, well, you could take tough cuts, because they would eat, you know, whatever the fuck they could. | ||
| Take a tough cut and grind it up. | ||
| You can cook it and eat it easier. | ||
| So they figured that out. | ||
| You don't eat meat, right? | ||
| I eat a lot of meat. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
| Yeah, why did you think I wouldn't eat meat? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think meat's bad for you? | |
| Are you one of those guys? | ||
| Well, no, no, no. | ||
| I would say free. | ||
| I would just say... | ||
| I always am open to listen to new things to sway my opinion, but... | ||
| I like the stance of, I heard someone talking about at least free range. | ||
| Now, I know the opposing view on that too, but I just thought, you know, if you're thinking, I get it, that there is a food chain. | ||
| This is what I heard this person speaking. | ||
| I'm not saying it, but it made sense to me. | ||
| No, there is a food chain, and we don't have to torture animals, of course, but there is this. | ||
| But, you know, untortured animals, then I would be like, if I was going to eat meat, I do eat meat. | ||
| But I wish I did it that way. | ||
| I'd be proud of myself if I committed. | ||
| When I hear someone that does that, I'm like, oh, I have admiration for that. | ||
| Would you ever consider killing an animal that you were going to eat? | ||
| Would you ever consider raising a cow and killing it? | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| But I don't... | ||
| What about hunting? | ||
| Do you think you could hunt? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| Could you? | ||
| Oh, you've hunted. | ||
| I do, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not... | ||
| I just couldn't hunt. | ||
| I'm not proper hunting. | ||
| You just don't want it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not something you're interested in? | ||
| I'd be too scared. | ||
| Listen, there's nothing wrong with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like... | ||
| I shot a guy in the face once at camp. | ||
| You shot a man in Reno? | ||
| I shot a man in Reno. | ||
| Remember, when he's singing that song, he goes, in prison, which I like that he went back and performed there. | ||
| They don't have to be lost. | ||
| And then he goes, I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. | ||
| And they all go, whoo! | ||
| Well, let's not glorify them. | ||
| What if Johnny Cash said that? | ||
| Listen, I'm here. | ||
| Guys, guys. | ||
| I'm bummed out about it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm bummed out. | ||
| I'm singing it. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Didn't someone just do a stand-up special inside a prison? | ||
| Jeff Ross. | ||
| Jeff Ross did, but another comic did. | ||
| A black comic. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ali Sadiq. | ||
| John Van Wagner? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that how you say his name? | ||
| I think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I like the background you have behind you more than the background behind me. | ||
| You look at the screens. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| I think I do have to go to the bathroom. | ||
| It's bigger than these bars. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| You've got to use the bathroom. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| You're not going to say anything. | ||
| No, we could wrap this up, too. | ||
| I was going to ask you about this while you go to the bathroom, if that's okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This Mongol eating meat thing. | ||
| I just pulled up this article from the New York Times. | ||
| It said that horse meat being tenderized under their saddle is a myth. | ||
| I don't know if that's the same way. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Tenderized under their saddle? | ||
| Yeah, it said that it was... | ||
| Steak tartare was horse meat dish that originated from the horse-eating Mongols of Central Asia, who swept across the East and Central Europe 800 years ago. | ||
| The most common tales of the tartar... | ||
| The tater... | ||
| How would you say that? | ||
| Tater... | ||
| Totter? | ||
| T-A-T-A-R? Horsemen would put a slice of horse meat beneath their saddle in the morning and retrieve it, tenderized by the pounding, to eat raw for dinner. | ||
| They supposedly left their raw meat-eating habit behind, and according to one version of the story, it was carried by the German sailors to Hamburg, where the taste for ground beef began, begat both hamburgers and steak tartare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| That's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that where Neil Hamburger, is that where Hamburger came from? | |
| That guy that goes, Hamburger? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Use the bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cool. | |
| Is that okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| I wanted to ask about that because that's interesting. | ||
| I wonder if the Reagan Library has old information in their exhibit. | ||
| It says it's been passed around as a myth since like 1924. Yeah, but you can't just say that if you're running a museum. | ||
| You should probably know that that's not true. | ||
| Unless they figured out chopped meat and this is not the same thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Maybe originally it was... | ||
| But I would feel like if someone... | ||
| Wanted to do that, that would be a way to tenderize meat. | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean, with the same restaurant I was describing that I worked at before was a Mongolian barbecue grill where we'd cook with swords, literal metal swords on a flat top when it was supposed to be representing the shields that the Mongols would cook on back in the eight hunt, whatever. | ||
| And they were just shredding meat. | ||
| That's the only way you could do it. | ||
| So they were shredding beef. | ||
| I don't know if it's ground, but like definitely shredded. | ||
| So it's almost the same thing. | ||
| When we cooked in the field with Ranella for the first time, when we shot a deer, he pounded it flat. | ||
| He took a chunk of the back strap and then put it in between. | ||
| I forget what he put it in between, but pounded it flat before he cooked it to tenderize it and break it down a little bit. | ||
| I just watched a video of a guy pounding an aluminum foil roll and making a knife out of it. | ||
| Fucking badass. | ||
| Like a knife like a shiv or a shank? | ||
| I know you like to watch knife making things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like it. | ||
| It's a 10-minute video of him literally taking the whole roll. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Some dude made a knife out of an aluminum foil roll. | ||
| That's when you really want to fuck somebody up. | ||
| But you're trapped in a restaurant. | ||
| Hey, I have a question. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he probably should go for the claws. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| He's going to hammer down this aluminum foil until he can turn into a knife. | ||
| He did it all like in a kitchen, too. | ||
| He just uses a regular old stove, gas stove, to heat it up. | ||
| So did he just hammer it down and then fold it? | ||
| Is that what he did? | ||
| No, he leaves it here. | ||
| I'll just kind of skip ahead so you can see. | ||
| It is a good idea for bed, unless you were trying to use that to build your kids a fort. | ||
| Then you're a nice person. | ||
| You bake a hammer. | ||
| Whoa, he turned it into metal that he could saw. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| He spent a lot of time sharpening it down. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Whoa, this is nuts. | ||
| So he turned it into a real piece of aluminum. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That is fucking bananas. | ||
| And he sharpened it? | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Gave it a handle. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And then at the end puts it in a package and shows like chopping stuff. | ||
| I mean, you must be so weak though. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It's aluminum. | ||
| Oh, he sells it? | ||
| It probably might rust easily. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why would you want to buy it? | |
| Why would you care? | ||
| I want to buy it just because I'm an asshole. | ||
| I want to buy an aluminum foil knife. | ||
| I need it. | ||
| I need it. | ||
| Every time people come over to the house, you go, this knife is made out of aluminum foil. | ||
| I have a video we want you to watch. | ||
| He made a knife out of pasta? | ||
| Oh, he makes knives out of pasta. | ||
| What about the story that Chris Ryan told about the guy who made a knife out of shit and it was a frozen shit knife to kill one of his dogs because he was like a sled dogger and he was starving to death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Was that true, or did he carve his way out of an ice hole with a shit shovel? | ||
| It's one of those. | ||
| A frozen shit shovel. | ||
| You're the only guy that comes with notes. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Can I plug some dates? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Okay, so I'll get through this real quick. | ||
| Tell people about your special first. | ||
| I have an hour special on Netflix. | ||
| It's called Act Happy. | ||
| I wanted to call it Suck My Pigeon Dick, but I was the only one that was raising my hand for that. | ||
| I wish I was there. | ||
| I would have backed you up. | ||
| It's a joke in the act. | ||
| Right, and who the hell would have not forgotten? | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Suck my pigeon dick? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Can I tell you something? | ||
| The last time I wanted, two times, and I don't tell any stories like, you know, oh, this person, no, no, this is two things I think, and I think I would have learned my lesson because my book I wanted to call, I wanted to call my book All I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with a terminal disease. | ||
| And then other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut. | ||
| I would add that as a subtitle, even though I hated the word closet. | ||
| That's how I tried to sell it to him, because I hate closet and anything to do with any words, you know, of that, of this, and out. | ||
| So I go, okay, if I can call it, all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl. | ||
| The first title was with cancer. | ||
| All I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with cancer. | ||
| And other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut. | ||
| Because there's a story in there about me, literally, me and my friend, you know. | ||
| So it does make sense, and it's not mean, it's not insulting cancer. | ||
| I think that still should have been the title of the book. | ||
| The problem is people are going to see it and go, oh, he's just a mean guy that wants girls to die. | ||
| That's the boiled down dumb version of it before they look into it. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| You didn't even consider that? | ||
| I didn't even consider that. | ||
| So they're right. | ||
| Well, you're wishing... | ||
| How about terminal disease? | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| It rings of a dumb guy writing a book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to suck my dick and then die of cancer! | |
| Ow! | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm stubborn in certain ways, but in other ways, all you've got to do is cleanly explain something to me. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're right. | ||
| I don't want to call it that. | ||
| I never thought about that, for the wrong audience to see it on a shelf somewhere. | ||
| I think we should all be able to change our opinions about things. | ||
| I try hard to work on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do too. | |
| I think it's a big thing about being a person. | ||
| Be able to look at things and not think that you are those ideas. | ||
| You're a person. | ||
| You're not those ideas. | ||
| Just because you thought of it and you subscribed to it and you believed in it at one point in time, don't let it define you. | ||
| It's just an idea. | ||
| And if it's wrong... | ||
| Be honest about it and say, this is why I thought it was real. | ||
| And people will respect that, because they'll know that when you're talking, you're saying what's really on your mind, whether you're right or whether you're wrong. | ||
| You might be incorrect, but if you are incorrect, you're going to let them know you're incorrect. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| The way to look at that, I think, and I remind myself every time I talk about this stuff, to say... | ||
| How many of the things are you doing because they're right or you just think time equals validity? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because there probably are some things that you should have been doing for the last 40 years. | ||
| So let's not go issue by issue. | ||
| Here's a wider scope for someone to put themselves under fair judgment. | ||
| If you're 45 years old and you haven't had... | ||
| I'm just throwing out numbers. | ||
| I'm okay to up or down the number, but you'll get the gist of what I'm saying. | ||
| If you're 45 years old and... | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| I'm sorry, I got high, but if you remind me, I'll go right back. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure where you were going with it. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Marijuana. | ||
| It's that goddamn spray. | ||
| Marijuana? | ||
| I don't even fuck her. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Jamie, what was he talking about? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| We'll figure it out. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| I want to do so... | ||
| And then I have to plug these dates, and I want to remember that. | ||
| Well, we were talking about people being nicer to each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're talking about Being able to change your... | |
| Your comedy special, being able to change your opinions on things. | ||
| And I think it's very important to be able to just change your opinion and that you are not your ideas. | ||
| Change your opinion. | ||
| Just because you believe something doesn't mean you should be locked into it because... | ||
| Oh, oh, I remember. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A good way to judge yourself is to go... | ||
| If you're 45 years old and you haven't maybe in the last so many years changed your view on something, how about we start with that? | ||
| We won't even take issue at hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, what does that say? | ||
| There's no way that you shouldn't be changing something. | ||
| You definitely should. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if it's not, it doesn't have to be everything. | ||
| But we'd say in a 10-year period, were there two things that you were adamant about? | ||
| Maybe in two areas. | ||
| Not everything. | ||
| Sometimes you're right because you're right. | ||
| But if you can honestly, not just outwardly to be right in an argument, go, yeah, I changed my opinion. | ||
| But go inward. | ||
| No one's around. | ||
| Be honest with yourself. | ||
| And then you might be able to go in the dark of your own asking yourself, go, fuck, I guess I really haven't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then be aware of it, and then there starts your change. | ||
| We'll be back right after this. | ||
| Joe Rogan's our guest. | ||
| He'll be at the... | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| And folks, let me just say to you, if you're in a place where Todd Glass is performing, he's one of the best stand-up comics working in America today. | ||
| He's a very funny guy. | ||
| And I do it right. | ||
| I get the two-piece. | ||
| Even when you're being sat, there's a two-piece. | ||
| It's all right the minute you get in there. | ||
| Okay, Jazz Texas. | ||
| I'm going to go to a jazz club. | ||
| It's not even a comedy club. | ||
| They reached out. | ||
| So in April 22nd and 23rd. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| It's in San Antonio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, yeah. | |
| Jazz, Texas. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| Plus, if shit gets crazy, you're real close to Mexico. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Just make a mad run across the border. | ||
| You're right there. | ||
| How far is it from San Antonio to Texas? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think they could shoot each other. | ||
| Did I say to Texas? | ||
| I meant Mexico, yeah. | ||
| Did I say Texas when I was telling him, too? | ||
| No, the first time you said it, right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If you're that close to Mexico, Like, what's the closest city we have? | ||
| Is it Laredo? | ||
| El Paso? | ||
| El Paso's the closest? | ||
| I've been to El Paso. | ||
| I heard El Paso, like, bullets have hit buildings. | ||
| Like, the buildings in El Paso, bullets from, like, the drug war have hit. | ||
| What is that, Juarez? | ||
| Is Juarez right next to El Paso? | ||
| Juarez is a particularly dangerous place. | ||
| I don't need to go there. | ||
| But, hey! | ||
| Don't go there! | ||
| Go see Todd Glass! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Todd, where are you performing next? | |
| Okay. | ||
| That's why I'm trying to do it fast. | ||
| I always feel guilty about plugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, don't. | |
| Well, where's your website? | ||
| ToddglassComedy at Gmail. | ||
| You don't even know what it is? | ||
| Well, I think it's that. | ||
| Probably ToddglassComedy. | ||
| No, Toddglass at Gmail. | ||
| Toddglass? | ||
| No, not your email address. | ||
| Your website address. | ||
| Oh, Todd. | ||
| I'm not thinking very clearly. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| Toddglass.com or something. | ||
| Toddglass.com. | ||
| Maybe that's what it should say. | ||
| Okay, that's what it should say. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Then I'll be at the Blue Room. | ||
| I hate reading. | ||
| The Blue Room in Springfield, Missouri. | ||
| And that's the 7th through the 9th of June. | ||
| Two more. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Blue Room. | ||
| I like the pictures. | ||
| Royal Comedy Theater in Hopkins, Missouri. | ||
| It's the Royal Comedy Theater. | ||
| This place is one of them. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And then it's in Hopkins. | ||
| Am I saying that right? | ||
| Missouri? | ||
| Minnesota. | ||
| He's going to punch me in the face. | ||
| June 21st through the 24th. | ||
| And then you're at the Stir Crazy Comedy Club in Arizona. | ||
| Glendale, Arizona. | ||
| Come on down! | ||
| Sunset Boulevard in Glendale. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Stir Crazy in Arizona. | ||
| That just now, what I just did, no lie, my heartbeat is... | ||
| Exhausting. | ||
| Exhausting. | ||
| Yeah, because you're funny. | ||
| You don't want to do that. | ||
| You just want to be yourself. | ||
| And also, reading it was so difficult. | ||
| So hard. | ||
| How do people do it? | ||
| You were reading pretty good off the TV. I don't know how I did it. | ||
| I was in a trance. | ||
| All right, brother. | ||
| Well, that was very fun. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| That was so much fun. | ||
| It was very fun. | ||
| Toddglass.com. | ||
| Go see him. | ||
| And Netflix special out right now. | ||
| Suck My Pigeon Dick. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Act happy. | ||
| Act happy. | ||
| Don't look for Suck My Pigeon Dick. | ||
| Maybe the Netflix will give in. | ||
| The cave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
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