Oct. 27, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:04:27
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| I don't want to be a first adopter. | ||
| Those fucking things are gonna fall apart. | ||
| Boom, Joe Diaz. | ||
| End with live. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Did you really go out and buy one of those iPhones last night? | ||
| Did you order it? | ||
| No, Red Man called me and he goes, are you going to get the... | ||
| Because I asked him a few weeks ago. | ||
| Called everybody. | ||
| I went to get the... | ||
| You know, I don't know anything about computers, so I called Red Man. | ||
| He's my computer guy. | ||
| So I went to get the iPad, the big one, the 9-inch one. | ||
| And I asked Lily, because my phone's fucking up already. | ||
| She goes, just wait for the 8. So I called Red Man about a month ago. | ||
| He goes, wait. | ||
| And last night he called out of the blue and goes, you gotta get online at midnight. | ||
| And I did it. | ||
| I did it like an asshole. | ||
| I just forgot my code. | ||
| I got through. | ||
| I got through the second click. | ||
| They're like, you're not gonna get through second click. | ||
| Click, boom, order. | ||
| I ordered the silver, black, bam, bam, bam. | ||
| And then at the end I had to get the fucking code for iTunes or Apple. | ||
| I woke my wife up in the middle of the night and said, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| So I didn't have the code. | ||
| She really did tell me to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's like, are you fucking crazy waking me up at 1215 for some stupid fucking phone? | ||
| There's going to be lines around the block at those Apple stores. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's like those sneaker lines when you see those people out to buy sneakers. | ||
| Well, that's the Supreme lines now. | ||
| Supreme's got a whole thing with lines. | ||
| They wait in line for three or four days now. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Almost weekly. | ||
| For what? | ||
| I'll show you the shit. | ||
| You're probably going to freak out when I show you what they're waiting for. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| Shovels, bricks, with just the word Supreme written on it. | ||
| Shovels and bricks? | ||
| T-shirts are the main thing. | ||
| What is Supreme? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a brand. | ||
| It's a streetwear brand. | ||
| And people wait in line for bricks? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| Fucking kids today. | ||
| This is what happens when kids don't go outside. | ||
| They don't play. | ||
| They don't play sports and they stay at home. | ||
| They just play video games. | ||
| It's Nancy Reagan's fault with the Just Say No. | ||
| These kids smoke dope. | ||
| They see life for what it is. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm gonna wait in line for an hour for a fucking break. | ||
| Look at the Supreme Crowbar. | ||
| They sell a crowbar. | ||
| Yeah, so the crowbar would just have like the name Supreme on it. | ||
| Okay, who's using that? | ||
| No one uses it. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| You have to look into the brand a little bit to understand it, but it's sort of part of the joke almost. | ||
| They're making parody of the craziness of it all by just throwing their brand name on stuff and people are buying into it. | ||
| Go back to the other page. | ||
| So Supreme with the top 10 non-wearable Supreme products. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They have fire extinguishers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nunchucks. | |
| But some of the clothes are cool. | ||
| Nunchucks. | ||
| I mean, you've got to be really into it. | ||
| And some people are really into it. | ||
| Like I said, they wait in line for days. | ||
| A lot of them, though, are making money off of it because they can buy it for $40 or $50 and flip it for $200. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| Like, why is everybody buying this? | ||
| Limited. | ||
| Limited quantities of whatnot. | ||
| But what is the big deal about Supreme? | ||
| You have to look into the history. | ||
| There's some YouTube videos you can look up. | ||
| You sound like Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Gotta look into it. | ||
| Hey, you have to look into it. | ||
| It's really hard to explain, and I can't even... | ||
| It'd take me half an hour to get into it. | ||
| I don't want to hijack the show about Supreme right now. | ||
| Well, I just never... | ||
| I wasn't aware of this. | ||
| I thought it was just like a t-shirt. | ||
| That's where it starts. | ||
| And you said Josh Martin wears them. | ||
| He spends a lot of money on them. | ||
| He's a fool. | ||
| Well. | ||
| He wears those goddamn Yeezys that you wear, too. | ||
| I don't spend that much money on them. | ||
| I'm gonna get them for retail. | ||
| I wouldn't buy them otherwise. | ||
| Yeah, Josh Martin is like into every trendy thing. | ||
| Everything that comes out, he's like way ahead of the curve. | ||
| That's the supreme... | ||
| Target audience. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, exactly. | ||
| Jesus Christ, Joey. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I didn't know about this. | ||
| You buy a hammer. | ||
| It says Supreme on it. | ||
| The fact they sell nunchucks is hilarious. | ||
| Supreme nunchucks. | ||
| Did we wait online when we were kids for anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| Not for anything. | ||
| Like last night I was watching something, the real story about the Godfather. | ||
| And they showed when they released the Godfather at New York. | ||
| And there were lines. | ||
| Yeah, for the movies. | ||
| For the movies. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure I waited in line to go see Star Wars or something. | ||
| But not three fucking days. | ||
| No. | ||
| I never camped out the night before. | ||
| No. | ||
| Not for a hammer. | ||
| What did they camp out for back then? | ||
| They camped out for something. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I feel like the first I ever saw it was iPhones, when the first iPhones were out. | ||
| I remember going to the mall and going, what in the fuck am I seeing? | ||
| And there was a giant line outside the Apple store. | ||
| And this was like when one of the first iPhones was coming out. | ||
| And I was like, why are they waiting for a phone? | ||
| You don't have a phone already? | ||
| Is this the only way to get the phone? | ||
| It was all so confusing. | ||
| But it was a thing where people would wait in line, and then they would look at each other. | ||
| And I remember when... | ||
| I remember when they were waiting in line for Harry Potter, when Harry Potter was coming out, and people were driving by and they were yelling out, Dumbledore dies at the end! | ||
| They were yelling out all these different spoilers. | ||
| All I typed in was waiting in line for in Google, and the only things that come up are iPhone Supreme and iPhone 8 or gas. | ||
| Yeah, gas. | ||
| That's right, in the 70s with the flag. | ||
| Red, green, or yellow flag. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| In the mid-70s, there was a gas shortage. | ||
| So green meant that you got gas if you had an odd number, like if your license plate ended an odd. | ||
| Yellow was even, and then red was shut down, bitch. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| They had the flags, 73 to 75 maybe, something like that. | ||
| I don't know the exact dates. | ||
| Then they had a weird line. | ||
| Studio 54 had a huge line, but you got picked. | ||
| Studio 54, the dance club? | ||
| Yeah, like when Studio 54 was on fire, you showed up and you didn't guarantee to get in. | ||
| You got picked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right, the way they do now in Hollywood, like they pick hot chicks. | ||
| Right, so they pick hot chicks. | ||
| What was the thing we were talking about when they won't let a guy in without a chick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's some formula to go out in clubs in L.A. Yeah, they never would let guys in without chicks. | |
| So if you walk into a club with three guys that don't want you, they want the chicks in there first? | ||
| Yeah, well the last thing you want is a sausage fest. | ||
| Look at all those dudes trying to get in. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That was inside. | ||
| But outside, there'd be a line of people... | ||
| Oh, that could be... | ||
| No, that's outside. | ||
| What am I thinking? | ||
| That's outside. | ||
| That's outside. | ||
| Oh my god, what a zoo. | ||
| Just to try to get in. | ||
| Just to try to get in. | ||
| What was the big deal about Studio 54? | ||
| You could snort coke, dance, get your dick sucked, and get your shoes shined. | ||
| All at the same place and be home by six. | ||
| It was a very... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Everybody went there. | ||
| Who is that? | ||
| Andy Warhol? | ||
| That's Andy Warhol. | ||
| Who's the girl? | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| She's got a beer bottle in her mouth. | ||
| Champagne. | ||
| Champagne, yeah. | ||
| It's pretty hot. | ||
| A fucking Black Sabbath that's 54. Look at Mick Jagger's wife dancing with Andy Warhol. | ||
| Look at Liza Minnelli behind them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it was just like the place to be. | ||
| It was the place to be. | ||
| You could go crazy. | ||
| How strange. | ||
| Strange times, huh? | ||
| But here's the beauty of it. | ||
| They have a station on Sirius, and it's called Studio 54. You can just put it on on Sunday nights. | ||
| They do a podcast, and what they do is they interview people that actually used to go there or work there. | ||
| And I got to tell you something, Joe. | ||
| They had a dentist on about a year ago and his wife that it was crazy listening to this interview about what their life was. | ||
| They were professional. | ||
| Dentists making money in New York. | ||
| They stayed out till 5, 6 every night. | ||
| Went home, took the kids to school, went back home, took a nap till 1, got up, went to the dental office, worked till 5, went home, took another nap, fed the kids, and at 9 o'clock they'd fucking bring the kids downstairs to their moms and they'd do it all over again. | ||
| Five nights a week, over and over. | ||
| And the lady was saying, not till years later, Liza Minnelli thought I was a publicist. | ||
| She goes, she didn't know I was a dentist. | ||
| They just saw you in there every night. | ||
| It was all trust funders, you know. | ||
| That's all the people who could do that type of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Do blow till all hours of the night. | ||
| You could put it out. | ||
| They even had an interview about when Bob Hope went to Studio 54. Bob Hope? | ||
| Bob Hope walked into the studio not knowing what the fuck he was gonna, what lair he was gonna walk into. | ||
| He went out to the middle of the floor and started dancing and these chicks got together and started tying Bob Hope up. | ||
| Just tying him around like an Indian. | ||
| He's just standing there like laughing Bob Hope style. | ||
| Then he's like, is this a fucking joke? | ||
| They just left him there. | ||
| They just tied him up and left him there. | ||
| Tons of stories out there like that, you know? | ||
| Like just... | ||
| But then it moved on. | ||
| But you got picked to go in there. | ||
| How did it move on? | ||
| Like, imagine how weird it must have been when it finally, the door shut, and that was it? | ||
| The people where it was their whole life for years? | ||
| Well, people move on. | ||
| You know, clubs get hot, different clubs. | ||
| I went there one time in 1983, maybe. | ||
| 84. It was done. | ||
| It was already done? | ||
| Yeah, it was done. | ||
| It was just a bunch of assholes trying to be cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I found the $100 bill. | ||
| I was out of money, with a bag of blow, no cash. | ||
| Not a dime in my pocket. | ||
| And I looked down at four in the morning, it was a $100 bill. | ||
| And that's how I got saved. | ||
| That's how I got home. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| That's my Studio 54 story. | ||
| It is weird, the nightclub scene. | ||
| The nightclub scene is a very strange scene. | ||
| One club gets hot, and then it dies off, and the people that are in that business try to figure out what makes something hot and what doesn't. | ||
| You've got to rename places and redo them and reopening and grand reopening and get people to show up. | ||
| I remember hearing that they were paying Paris Hilton shit piles of money to just show up at clubs. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The Kardashians, any of those people, they pay a shitload of money. | ||
| You're there. | ||
| They take pictures. | ||
| Your club gets hot. | ||
| Now, after about a year, you start taking partners in it. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Sure, because you know it's on the way down. | ||
| Odds are against you. | ||
| So after a year, some guy comes in, I love your place. | ||
| Go ahead, I'll take half. | ||
| Give me half. | ||
| And that's how you get out of it. | ||
| Or you do what a lot of people did, and they just light the place on fire and start from scratch. | ||
| A little Jewish lightning, and the place starts from scratch. | ||
| You know, I knew the guy that owned the gay clubs in Houston, like in the 70s, and he was telling me one time, he goes, yeah, once we got our use out of them, You light them on fire. | ||
| Collect the insurance, and then open up another club. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Jewish Lightning. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's a weird scene. | ||
| You know, I mean, people that just look forward to just going out and just drinking and dancing and snorting coke every night, just looking for, like, experience. | ||
| Just something different and wild that takes them out of their everyday grind. | ||
| And just do it over and over and over again. | ||
| Over and over and over. | ||
| And different, like, when I was growing up, it was Club Harry. | ||
| It was big, and... | ||
| The rooftop, you paid like 24 bucks to go in at 11 o'clock and you drank all night till 7 in the morning. | ||
| 24 bucks, all you could drink. | ||
| It's shit booze. | ||
| I mean, you're not drinking Kovasi and shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you're doing blow, you're just burning that shit anyway. | ||
| You come out, they give you some sunglasses, and that's it. | ||
| If you went in after three, it was... | ||
| It was like 20-something after 11 and then like 17 bucks or you could drink after 3 till 7 in the fucking morning. | ||
| And people were packed. | ||
| That's what New York was about back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just people staying out till 7, 6. New York is what? | |
| A 4 a.m. | ||
| last call? | ||
| When's the last call in New York? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Florida? | ||
| I think it's even later than New York. | ||
| Florida closes for one hour. | ||
| Five o'clock in the morning. | ||
| So let's say you're at the news cafe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we're bullshitting. | ||
| We're having a good time. | ||
| At five o'clock, they'll come over to you and say, hey, do me a favor. | ||
| By five o'clock, the bar's going to close. | ||
| So you can't order beer till six. | ||
| So we just order 25 beers. | ||
| And you wait till the bar opens at six. | ||
| And now you're fucking ready to drink again. | ||
| They close for one hour. | ||
| One hour. | ||
| This was back, you know, 20 years ago, 15 years ago in Coconut Grove. | ||
| What a weird rule. | ||
| One hour. | ||
| Remember that place we used to go to? | ||
| Right down the street from that improv? | ||
| Yeah, the News Cafe, right? | ||
| That was a great place. | ||
| Great breakfast, great fucking bar. | ||
| That club went downhill hard, though. | ||
| Yeah, that club. | ||
| And that place, well, the whole Coconut Grove area. | ||
| The only thing that's still open are the Doolin Pianos, the Pizza Joint, that mall. | ||
| The Doolin Piano place is still open? | ||
| Yeah, it's in that little mall there with the movie theater. | ||
| They always have those right next to Improvs. | ||
| They have one in Addison too, right? | ||
| Addison, they have one up next to John Lovitz up in Universal. | ||
| They do? | ||
| Yeah, they used to. | ||
| If there's a fucking... | ||
| What are you pulling up there? | ||
| Miami has a 24-hour drinking now. | ||
| Oh, just Miami? | ||
| Just in the Miami Entertainment District, it says. | ||
| Oh, well, that makes sense. | ||
| It's 4am Broward County and Key West. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But a little different everywhere else in Orlando. | ||
| West Palm is where we always worked. | ||
| We either worked in Miami at the Improv, which is Coconut Grove, or we did West Palm after Joel opened up that new place, the big giant place. | ||
| That's a great place. | ||
| Yeah, the new place, though, is like a theater. | ||
| It's like 600 seats. | ||
| It's fucking huge. | ||
| I mean, that's a huge club. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| And even Fort Lauderdale was a great club inside the casino, which they're redoing over. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That shut down. | ||
| Oh, it did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Improv did? | |
| That shut down until next year. | ||
| Yeah, we have no action down there. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| That was a fun little club. | ||
| That's a fun little club. | ||
| That's a good size. | ||
| That one in the Hard Rock is a good size. | ||
| That's a good size. | ||
| Last time I was there, there was a couple next to me that was fucking in the bedroom next to me. | ||
| And like animals. | ||
| I mean like fucking animals. | ||
| I mean like porno film animals. | ||
| Like I was lying in bed and it was in the afternoon. | ||
| I was trying to take a nap. | ||
| And these people were hammering it, just bang, bang, bang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. | |
| This guy's just fucking hitting it. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's that fucking Florida Oxycontin dick. | ||
| One of those pain relief centers, you take two of those things, you can hit your hammer with a dick 10 times and she won't go dead. | ||
| Bas Rootin told a story the other day that I read online on one of those martial arts websites about his addictions to Oxycontin. | ||
| Right, yeah, that's a great article. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, scary, scary shit. | |
| Scary shit. | ||
| Where he was talking about trying to get off of it and how difficult it was. | ||
| And you're talking about a guy with like an iron will, you know, and Boss Rootin. | ||
| Imagine the average person who just has a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, doesn't have a lot of discipline, and they get hooked. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You're gone. | ||
| It's fucking amazing that stuff's legal. | ||
| Did you watch 60 Minutes three weeks ago? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was the whole... | ||
| That was the motherfucker's motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was it? | |
| Just about the opioid epidemic and how the DEA stopped prosecuting. | ||
| The word came from... | ||
| You know, it's just a nightmare. | ||
| They're fucking terrible, those things. | ||
| Listen, those things are terrible. | ||
| Yeah, there was a whole article recently about the company that sells most of the opioids and the family that's behind that company and how many billions of dollars that they've made off the opioid crisis. | ||
| Opioid? | ||
| Opioid? | ||
| Orbeid? | ||
| How do we say it? | ||
| Opioid. | ||
| How do we say it wrong? | ||
| Once that shit grips you, that synthetic heroin, that's what that, right, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, potentially, yeah. | ||
| It's a bad grip. | ||
| Like I said, I took a 16th one night in my living room and I had a lay down. | ||
| And that's my whole resume with OxyContin. | ||
| And I'm a fucking mule. | ||
| I could eat 2,000 milligrams of THC and live a 16th of one of those pills. | ||
| I popped, it was just a little piece, nothing. | ||
| My blood pressure dropped so fucking much. | ||
| I just laid down, went to sleep, and I knew my pill career had come to an end. | ||
| Never even let it start. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Never even let it start. | ||
| Can you believe, brother? | ||
| In two weeks, it's going to be ten years since I've done that wipeout. | ||
| I want you to think about that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Ten years. | ||
| I want you to really think about it. | ||
| I still remember being at Cobbs with you that January. | ||
| And like going, it's been two months. | ||
| I don't know if I could really do this shit. | ||
| Like I don't know if I could control this feeling. | ||
| And I controlled it. | ||
| So you, like when you quit, what was like the first week like? | ||
| Hell. | ||
| Hell. | ||
| First two weeks were hell. | ||
| Did you think about going back just like you can't do this? | ||
| Or did you know that you had to make a change? | ||
| I had to make a change. | ||
| I knew that my spine was starting to hurt. | ||
| Your spine was starting to hurt? | ||
| Yeah, I was starting to get jolted. | ||
| At 4 in the morning, you know, after you do coke, right at the tip over here. | ||
| A lot of people who've done coke get like Parkinson's. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You think that's related? | ||
| I know a lot of old timers that did a lot of coke in the 70s and then they wound up like some serious neuromuscular diseases. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Neuromuscular, absolutely. | |
| That shit shocks your central nervous system. | ||
| There was times I did cocaine that was like electric. | ||
| It was like when you put that thing in your hand or you get electrocuted, you could feel the electric in your body the next day like that. | ||
| In your brain, like you can actually see the neurotransmitters are fucking on fire. | ||
| You could feel that. | ||
| You know, I could tell when I would go on stage after doing two or three nights of blow that week. | ||
| I had no control. | ||
| I really had no control over my material. | ||
| I had no control over my delivery. | ||
| That's what I wanted to tell you. | ||
| Like, just the way you communicate is just off? | ||
| Yeah, your mind can't grip it. | ||
| You can't sell the joke. | ||
| The facial doesn't connect with the hand movement or the breathing. | ||
| So, like, I knew that that was always going to be a danger in the future. | ||
| Now, you know, I take all that for like a year. | ||
| I drank those, what's your buddy's name that makes the neurosurgeon milkshakes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The football player that fucking beat the guy up, Romanowski. | |
| I took all his stuff for like a year just to... | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, the orange drink and stuff. | ||
| Neuro One, that stuff. | ||
| Is that helpful? | ||
| Yeah, it felt good. | ||
| It felt a lot better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| Give your brain some nutrients. | ||
| Give me some control. | ||
| Yeah, but 10 years, I mean, that... | ||
| I had to do a benefit in Hoboken. | ||
| And I had gotten high like that whole summer I tried to get off coke. | ||
| I was doing the heroin. | ||
| I was trying to get off the coke and shit. | ||
| And then that September I ran out of heroin. | ||
| So I was doing it like maybe once a week. | ||
| And the whole thing went down with Marilyn. | ||
| I knew I had to stop. | ||
| And then I had this thing in Hoboken. | ||
| The whole thing went down with Marilyn Martinez when she died? | ||
| Yeah, she was dying. | ||
| I went back east that week. | ||
| And she was dying. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| It was like, you know what? | ||
| I was trying to get coke on Friday night. | ||
| I couldn't get it. | ||
| And I just took it for what it was. | ||
| I was trying to get coke on Saturday. | ||
| I couldn't get it, so fuck it. | ||
| I took the plane back Sunday. | ||
| I couldn't get it here. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| I couldn't get it. | ||
| And then that Monday, I had a meeting to do a movie. | ||
| And at the end of the meeting, the guy said, Listen, man, we know about your drug problem. | ||
| So before you say yes, we want you to think about this because you can't miss a day on this movie. | ||
| You cannot be late. | ||
| If you're late, the whole movie can't shoot because it was a cast. | ||
| We all shot in one room. | ||
| It was an AA meeting. | ||
| So I thought about it, I'll do it. | ||
| And that was the roughest fucking month ever. | ||
| Because I was just going home and before 8 o'clock would start, I would just go to bed. | ||
| Because 8 o'clock was my cocaine time. | ||
| That's when my body would start to ache. | ||
| That's when I couldn't even... | ||
| You could be telling me the most important thing in your life and I'd be watching you, but I couldn't hear. | ||
| All my mind was focusing on was getting that blow at 8 o'clock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then I would figure out how to get the 60 bucks. | ||
| You know, I'm gonna go to the ATM machine. | ||
| I would shoot over to Rock and Roll Rouse. | ||
| There's that ATM machine in front of Rock and Roll Rouse right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I would take 60 bucks out there. | ||
| Dog, I would run every red light to get to that ATM machine. | ||
| Like, I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| And then from there, I would just make the U-turn, go to my dealer's house, go home and leave the coke there. | ||
| And now I was ready for the night. | ||
| I was in peace just knowing that the coke was at the house. | ||
| I didn't have to do it. | ||
| You know, I've never been physically addicted to something in a way where I had a hard time kicking it, but I've had some psychological addictions for sure. | ||
| And I think that one of the things that I've gotten out of this month of the Sober October thing that Tom, Bert, and Ari and I are doing... | ||
| Is that a lot of it is psychological. | ||
| A lot of it is psychological. | ||
| Because just knowing that we can't smoke pot or can't drink all month, you start thinking about, oh, we're at the home stretch, November 1st, around the corner. | ||
| I don't really feel like I need to get high. | ||
| It's not like I need a drink tomorrow. | ||
| But it's knowing that I can't do it for the month, where it hangs over your head. | ||
| So that's what's even more impressive, that you could kick it. | ||
| Because it's not just the fact that you have a physical problem. | ||
| But you also have this psychological problem. | ||
| Like the psychological part of it is like it's a pattern that you're comfortable with. | ||
| You got used to that pattern of 8 o'clock, you're looking for the coke, you go and do it, and then you're off. | ||
| It's like you're off, even though you're in chaos, your life's in disarray, and you're in the grips of addiction, you're comfortable with that feeling. | ||
| You've been there before. | ||
| And for whatever reason, when people get used to fucking up, and they go, why do I keep fucking up? | ||
| One of the reasons you keep fucking up is because you're used to fucking up. | ||
| And it's not an uncomfortable feeling in the sense that you know it. | ||
| It might suck, but it's the devil you know. | ||
| That was nice. | ||
| I didn't want to do it and I still did it. | ||
| You understand me? | ||
| I didn't want to do it. | ||
| I didn't need to do it. | ||
| I didn't feel. | ||
| I just wanted to do it. | ||
| But it was just something to do? | ||
| It was just something to do. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was just something to do. | ||
| But, you know, what I tell people all the time is you want to have to quit. | ||
| It just doesn't happen. | ||
| I quit at 44. I'm no fucking genius. | ||
| But it took me two years. | ||
| It was a two-year struggle, like a personal little struggle. | ||
| When did you know that you were free? | ||
| Because you didn't go to AA? No. | ||
| Or Narcotics Anonymous? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I went to one meeting, an AA meeting. | ||
| I went in Hollywood, which everything is good until you go to it in Hollywood. | ||
| Because in Hollywood, you add the dramatic and the actor image to it. | ||
| If you go to an AA meeting in Jersey, they're in there smoking camel reds, fucking talking from the heart. | ||
| You go to an AA meeting in Hollywood, you got people with AA tattoos on their arm. | ||
| Hugging each other, you know, it's a fucking jamboree. | ||
| They're just happy to be in AA, like it's a new clan that they're in. | ||
| And then what happens is, after about two months in this area, for some reason, I've noticed, because I have a lot of friends in AA, somebody approaches you and says, hi, you know, what's going on? | ||
| And you're like, I'm struggling. | ||
| They're like, why have you seen Dr. Bob? | ||
| They're like, Dr. Bob. | ||
| I'm just making this name up. | ||
| They're like, Dr. Bob, oh my God. | ||
| Tell him about Dr. Bob. | ||
| Tell Joe about Dr. Bob. | ||
| Oh, Dr. Bob has changed your whole life. | ||
| So basically, you'll see Dr. Bob. | ||
| He gives you a bullshit, referendum, whatever. | ||
| Prescription? | ||
| What you have. | ||
| Oh, you're bipolar. | ||
| Diagnosis, right? | ||
| You're this. | ||
| Now they start shooting at her all at you. | ||
| All the other shit at you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you're really not sober. | |
| You're really not sober. | ||
| You see, now after I got clean, I discovered I had a problem. | ||
| I discovered I was bipolar or Johnny Gubatz or this or that or this. | ||
| Now that medication they give you, you know, on top of the opiate epidemic, how bad a fucking Adderall? | ||
| How fucked up is Adderall? | ||
| We have someone every month that's on Adderall when they're doing the podcast, and it's obvious. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| They can't shut the fuck up. | ||
| They talk at a very fast pace. | ||
| They're really excited. | ||
| They've got just a little bit too much energy. | ||
| There's something about them that you just know. | ||
| And you just, like, you could tell. | ||
| And you're like, whoa, whoa, slow down. | ||
| Sometimes I'll offer them a drink. | ||
| I mean, I've had people on the podcast where I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. | ||
| And then later on in the podcast, they told me they did Adderall. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| All right, now I get it. | ||
| Now I know where all this tension is coming from. | ||
| Remember the crazy chick we knew that used to take two Adderalls and fucking the chick in West Palm or something used to drink? | ||
| Oh, dude, everybody does. | ||
| Do you know how many people do it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm getting stunned. | ||
| All my, like, the families that I know, like, with my kids or friends with their kids, and I get to know these people. | ||
| Fucking, all these, like, successful suburban people are doing Adderall all the time. | ||
| That's how they get through work. | ||
| That's how they become successful. | ||
| They're always hustling. | ||
| They're always getting things done. | ||
| And these motherfuckers, they always want the newest shit. | ||
| They want the newest watch. | ||
| Oh, is that the newest Hubolt? | ||
| Is that the newest this? | ||
| Is that the newest that? | ||
| Oh, he's got the Mercedes AMG. Oh, look, he's got this. | ||
| And she's there. | ||
| She bought a house in the Oaks. | ||
| Oh, you know, look at this. | ||
| And she's got that. | ||
| And look at that purse. | ||
| Where'd you get that? | ||
| I heard that's such a Hermes. | ||
| Oh, you can't get those. | ||
| All they're doing is like... | ||
| Chasing after these things so they can go places and other people will look at this new thing that they have it's very strange It's like there's one thing like if you know someone who like collects a certain thing like they're you know So we're really into fucking whatever it is old samurai swords or something like that though They love the history of it. | ||
| That's not what these people are doing They're buying things so they could bring places and other people would go So they get a feeling like a feeling of I guess a successful feeling, you know, they get a feeling from other people Recognizing that they have the latest thing like oh, where'd you get that jacket? | ||
| Oh, look at that purse. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| What look at that chain? | ||
| How many carrots is that ring? | ||
| Let me see your ring girlfriend. | ||
| Let me see your ring amazing It's so cute. | ||
| Those shoes are so cute. | ||
| Oh my god So cute and they're just like weird fucking just Pilled up people. | ||
| Weirdo, speeded up people that are like chasing after the next object. | ||
| It's a very, it's a very strange, and they don't talk about shit. | ||
| I get together with these people, you know, because we'll have dinners together, or our families will get together, the kids will play, we'll go to a party together, and you know, a good 20% of these people do not talk about shit. | ||
| All they talk about is objects. | ||
| They talk about this object and that object and how much this is worth and how much real estate is going for here. | ||
| And that's the whole focus of conversation. | ||
| It's like an anti-human conversation because they're not talking about anything human. | ||
| They're not talking about, you know, the community, what they love about life and their experiences as a parent and none of that, man. | ||
| A lot of them don't even pay attention to their kids. | ||
| They go... | ||
| And drink and leave the kids outside. | ||
| And the kids are just fucking hitting other kids with sticks and shit and going nutty. | ||
| And then when they come out, no, my kid's a good kid. | ||
| He doesn't do that. | ||
| And then they go back inside and drink more. | ||
| And it's like crazy. | ||
| It's really interesting to see. | ||
| It's like the things that fuel success in a lot of people are in a lot of these folks. | ||
| It's like this need for material possessions and then pills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And this is what's going on. | |
| You and I didn't come from the best home conditions available to us. | ||
| You didn't have the fucking Brady Bunch in your house. | ||
| I'm not insulting you. | ||
| I'm just saying that you had to deliver papers and your mother had to work and Lou and the whole fucking thing. | ||
| Do you ever sit there sometimes at one of these fucking parties with these people who have everything? | ||
| Everything we didn't have and you're like, my parents were 20 times better than these fucking people as a parent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I'm sitting there every day now. | ||
| I'm a parent. | ||
| I go to pools. | ||
| I go to gymnastics tonight. | ||
| I got a fucking recital. | ||
| I mean, I have to do this. | ||
| It's like who the fucking part of my... | ||
| I am. | ||
| But I see these people that do this shit, and I'm like, my mother was a fucking bookie. | ||
| My mother owned a bar and she was a drunk. | ||
| And she was a way better parent than these fucking guys. | ||
| Because she was there. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think what we're talking about with this pill thing, there's a lot of people that are on antidepressants. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are on Adderall. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are on Xanax. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are on a lot of weird disassociatives. | ||
| And these disassociative pills, you see it in how they interact with their children. | ||
| They just zone out. | ||
| They're not there. | ||
| Even if you're stressed out about your kid, you're interacting with your kid, at least the kid knows you're communicating with them. | ||
| The kid's probably not happy that you're stressed out, but at least you're there. | ||
| When you're zoned out on pills and staring at the fucking clouds, It's just, it's just not, it's not a good way for human beings to interact with each other, where you're hopped up on some weird shit. | ||
| And I think, I mean, I don't know what the actual numbers are, but in the communities that I associate with, I would say a good solid half of these fucking people are pilled up. | ||
| A good solid half. | ||
| They're either pilled up on Xanax. | ||
| What's really hilarious is I've talked to some of these people and they're like, I don't know how you smoke pot every day. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, you take a Xanax every morning. | ||
| Every morning you take a Xanax. | ||
| I know a lady who takes a Xanax every time she gets in her car. | ||
| She's like, there's too much traffic. | ||
| Pops a Xanax. | ||
| For traffic, they pop a Xanax to go to sleep. | ||
| They pop a Xanax because they have to fly. | ||
| Oh, I have to fly. | ||
| I need a Xanax. | ||
| I need an edible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For those four-hour flights, I just can't sit there no more. | ||
| Well, those edibles make you think about the universe. | ||
| I mean, people say, oh, that's an excuse. | ||
| And I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here. | ||
| It's a different thing, though. | ||
| When I have Mercy in the morning, I don't fucking get high. | ||
| Like, I don't get high. | ||
| Like, I have her in the morning before school, and I drive her. | ||
| Because I've got to walk into school, so I don't want to reek like it. | ||
| They already warned me one time. | ||
| They warned you to smell like reefer? | ||
| I went to pick her up, and one of the teachers came over. | ||
| She goes, last Friday, you were kicking. | ||
| You were pungent last Friday, so I can't embarrass my daughter. | ||
| So I try not to... | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That was it once they said it. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Then the afternoons, you know, I take my chances. | ||
| I get high, go to the gymnast class or the swimming or the ballet or whatever the fuck we have to do. | ||
| And then after that, you know, I'm out with my friends or doing a podcast or doing comedy. | ||
| So, but Adderall, I don't have beer in my house, Joe Rogan. | ||
| You don't really drink. | ||
| I don't want alcohol in my house. | ||
| Now that I have a child, I don't want alcohol in my house. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what, if there was one thing that I could kick... | ||
| That, you know, like this sober October shit, like if I could, if I had to choose, like for the rest of my life, no booze or no pot, I would say no booze in a heartbeat. | ||
| Yeah, but I like a cold Heineken once a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cold, cold Heineken once a month is fucking delicious. | |
| But I get something out of pot. | ||
| I get, like, sensitivity. | ||
| I get community. | ||
| I get compassion. | ||
| I get introspective thinking. | ||
| I start, I examine myself more. | ||
| I become more humble. | ||
| I get something out of it. | ||
| I get, like, real benefits out of pot. | ||
| Like, a lot of the benefits that some people would call paranoia. | ||
| Or, you know, that people, they freak out because, you know, they think the walls are closing in. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Yeah, it's good for you. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I live in that world. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| I love somebody telling me I'm a loser. | ||
| Get it together. | ||
| You haven't done dick today. | ||
| How the fuck can you watch TV? I'll tell you what I'm proud of. | ||
| I'm very proud of Burke Kreischer. | ||
| For cooking the booze this month? | ||
| I hope he stays off of it. | ||
| Or at least regulates it. | ||
| What do you think a rehab is? | ||
| You put these guys in rehab this month. | ||
| What do you think a rehab is? | ||
| A rehab is just to let you know where you stand. | ||
| 60 days of you not doing a certain something makes you know where you stand. | ||
| And sometimes you go, you know what, Joe Rogan, I'm not going to smoke pop, but I'm going to have my drink twice a week. | ||
| That's cool, too. | ||
| Bert has a problem flying. | ||
| He likes to fucking get twisted. | ||
| But Bert's what you call a social drinker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's from fucking Florida. | ||
| You know, they wake up, they have their little fucking cocktail, whatever, then they take a nap, they go to the beach. | ||
| You and I don't know that life. | ||
| I've never lived that life of drinking all day and then taking a nap. | ||
| Bert's a real soldier, you know. | ||
| Bert's not fucking around. | ||
| Bert's not an amateur show. | ||
| Bert's the real deal. | ||
| I saw him running a couple days. | ||
| I saw him running. | ||
| I threw my car at him one day. | ||
| He was running at me and shit with his little thing. | ||
| I just took the car and just started going at him. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| And all of a sudden he looked at me and was like... | ||
| Because he's in my neighborhood. | ||
| So I watched him a lot. | ||
| I went over there. | ||
| I tried to get him high. | ||
| He wouldn't fold. | ||
| So I'm really proud of him. | ||
| Ari was going to bring drug tests the other day. | ||
| I was on number 13, I think. | ||
| And they were on number 14. And Ari was going to stop at CVS and pick up those marijuana tests. | ||
| He just didn't have the time. | ||
| No, I'm very proud of Burke. | ||
| And all this is going to let you do, look, even you with the reefer now, it's going to let you know that you didn't have to smile. | ||
| It's like when I went to prison. | ||
| The hardest thing about prison wasn't going to prison, you know. | ||
| It was, how am I going to live without my marijuana? | ||
| Really? | ||
| How am I going to fucking sleep? | ||
| I wasn't worried about nothing else in prison except marijuana. | ||
| Did you get any in prison? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You could. | ||
| 50 bucks for two joints. | ||
| Brown weed. | ||
| I wasn't doing that. | ||
| But after the first week, you learn about yourself. | ||
| You learn that you could go without, which is one of the strongest things that could happen to somebody. | ||
| It's like when you're in love with that girl, and you're destroying your life, you're quitting your job, and you drink, and you act like an asshole, and then she goes away to Hawaii for two weeks. | ||
| After 10 days, you're like, fuck that bitch. | ||
| When do you think people get divorced? | ||
| When their wives leave for 10 days? | ||
| Their wife goes back to see the mother and you're sitting there going, what am I doing with myself? | ||
| I'm much happier in this house. | ||
| I could put her in the back somewhere and not see. | ||
| You know, that's what happens. | ||
| When you realize you could do without, that's one of the biggest things in your world that could happen to you. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Well, you don't think you could do it out in the beginning because you think maybe you could possibly get her back. | ||
| If you can get her back, everything's going to be good. | ||
| You got this bad feeling because she's thinking about leaving. | ||
| You're like, oh, no. | ||
| She's going to leave. | ||
| Maybe I could talk her back in. | ||
| Maybe I could buy her something. | ||
| Maybe I could do something. | ||
| Maybe I could change my ways. | ||
| And I'll bring her back. | ||
| And I'll bring her back. | ||
| And everything's going to be fine. | ||
| But everything is fine. | ||
| And if she leaves, you'll just meet somebody else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Just come on. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| It's like when I gave up sodas. | ||
| I never thought I could give up a Coke. | ||
| Are you fucking crazy? | ||
| Do you like those Zevias? | ||
| Do you like those things? | ||
| What's Zevia? | ||
| Jamie, go get him something. | ||
| What's a Zevia? | ||
| Zevia. | ||
| They're sodas that are flavored with Stevia. | ||
| People think I'm doing a fucking commercial for these things. | ||
| They haven't paid me a nickel. | ||
| I'm not taking any of their money. | ||
| They're soda, but they're flavored with Stevia. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| No sugar at all. | ||
| Coca-Cola? | ||
| They have, like, raspberry. | ||
| They have root beers. | ||
| They have, like, one that's like a 7-Up. | ||
| They have one that's like a grapefruit soda. | ||
| They have a bunch of different ones, man. | ||
| They're fucking great. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I'm so hooked on water now. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Water's great, too. | ||
| I don't give a fuck anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Diet Coke. | |
| I drink the shit out of these stupid things, though. | ||
| Oh, they do have a cola one, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Give them that cream soda. | ||
| That one's the shit. | ||
| That right there. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Diet Coke sucks. | ||
| About a month ago, I was on a plane, and I was a little, you know, loopy, and I just said, let me try a Coke. | ||
| I go, let me get a Coke. | ||
| I couldn't even finish the little fucking eight-ounce glass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It was too sweet. | ||
| Oh, I had some the other day accidentally. | ||
| It was a late-night drive-thru. | ||
| I was starving coming home from the store, and I got a burger, and I asked for a Diet Coke, and they gave me a regular Coke, and I went, oh, this is so good. | ||
| It was so delicious. | ||
| Once a month, I'm going to give myself a Coke, an actual Coca-Cola once a month. | ||
| And then get the Mexican ones with the real... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got to go to a taco joint for those, right? | |
| Yeah, Cactus. | ||
| Go to Cactus, where you guys usually go right there. | ||
| They're fucking good. | ||
| But once you realize... | ||
| I grew up in Jersey. | ||
| I got a sandwich, I got a bag of chips. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's not the sandwich that kills you. | ||
| It's a bag of chips. | ||
| If I have a turkey with Swiss and avocado, I'm not gonna fucking die. | ||
| It's the fucking 22-ounce bag of chips. | ||
| All those things, once you give them up, like I had to give them up with Weight Watchers, they were tough. | ||
| Potatoes were breakfast. | ||
| That was tough? | ||
| That was tough. | ||
| That fills you up. | ||
| For me, when switching over to In-N-Out and getting a double-double with the lettuce... | ||
| With lettuce wrapping on the top of it instead of buns. | ||
| Gorilla style, whatever that is. | ||
| It's called protein style? | ||
| Protein style. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| Because you still enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| It tastes amazing, but you're not getting all that bread. | ||
| It's still fantastic. | ||
| And it's really not bad for you. | ||
| I mean, it's just ground beef, cheese, lettuce. | ||
| I mean, there's nothing terrible for you there. | ||
| I just think that when you spend too much time eating shitty food, your body is going to just feel terrible. | ||
| But if you can just limit that shitty food to occasionally, then you'll appreciate and enjoy it just for fun. | ||
| Have a meatball sub. | ||
| Yeah, every now and then. | ||
| You know, Cavaretta's? | ||
| You ever go to Cavaretta's out here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, with you. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That fucking place is so good. | ||
| I get a sausage and pepper sub there every now and then. | ||
| With real Italian bread. | ||
| I mean, it's a fucking thick, outer crust Italian bread where you clamp it down and it's hard on the outside but soft on the inside and you bite into that and you feel that real juicy Italian sausage and that marinara sauce. | ||
| I got two weeks, dude. | ||
| I got two weeks. | ||
| Two weeks? | ||
| I go home in two weeks. | ||
| Oh, you're going home in two weeks. | ||
| I save everything for when I go home. | ||
| I don't fuck around no more. | ||
| I don't eat Chinese food out here no more. | ||
| I don't do none of that shit out here no more. | ||
| What about pizza? | ||
| Do you fuck around with pizza? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| I got a place by my house. | ||
| I got to tell you something. | ||
| If I walk in there with you, you'll drive down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's that good. | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| Don't take the pie to go. | ||
| No? | ||
| You gotta eat it there? | ||
| You gotta eat it there. | ||
| You gotta eat it crisp. | ||
| You gotta get the slices that are rotating. | ||
| You bring that pie home, it's like a fucking falafel. | ||
| Like, you gotta bring it home and put it in your oven all over again. | ||
| That's the secret. | ||
| Like, you have to put it in your oven all over again. | ||
| You know what no one does right here? | ||
| White pizza. | ||
| No, because nobody's Catholic. | ||
| There was a fucking, there's a pizza place in White Plains, New York, down the street from Executive Billiards. | ||
| I think it was Nicky's, Nicky's Pizzeria. | ||
| And they had this fucking white cheese slice, this white pizza slice with, and it had like, you could see the olive oil and butter in the pizza and the garlic, and you would bite into it and you'd be like, holy Christ! | ||
| And the crust of the pizza underneath is just like, just the right amount of cooked, Where there was like a little bit of just a slight burn to the crust and you're biting into it and you're just feeling the cheese and the dough and all the sauces and the whoo! | ||
| Oh, what's some fucking... | ||
| During Lent when you grow up back there and you go to your friend's house on Friday and they get like mussels and red sauce. | ||
| Nicky's, that's the place. | ||
| And white fucking pizza. | ||
| We'd walk to that place right from Executive Billions, right down the street. | ||
| Fucking phenomenal place. | ||
| Saw a good street fight there once. | ||
| And here's the other thing that bothers me the most. | ||
| You know what a slice is? | ||
| You know what a fucking slice is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is a move. | ||
| A slice is a thing of a move. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| What's a slice of a move? | ||
| A slice of a move is you mean you're on the fucking move. | ||
| When I come in to see Joe's Pizza and I go, oh, let me get two cheese to go. | ||
| And you give them to me and I fold them up. | ||
| I eat one there. | ||
| And you take one with you. | ||
| And one to go. | ||
| Go get a slice in Hollywood somewhere. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| They take it. | ||
| They write a receipt. | ||
| They hang it up. | ||
| And some other guy comes, takes the slice off, puts it in. | ||
| You have to wait for 10 minutes. | ||
| Then they come with a number and they give you the fucking slice. | ||
| Listen, do it all one shot. | ||
| Use your dirty hands. | ||
| It ain't gonna kill me. | ||
| It ain't gonna kill me. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if you scratch your ass. | ||
| Throw the fuck the heat from the oven or kill the germs. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Just throw the slicing. | ||
| Everything's a process. | ||
| A slice, that's the whole thing of a slice. | ||
| Well, everything's corporate. | ||
| Yeah, it's a move. | ||
| I don't like that shit. | ||
| I know what you mean. | ||
| Everything has become corporate. | ||
| And these places, you're never going to get that old, small restaurant feel from a place like this that you'll get from a place like Nicky's Pizzeria, you know? | ||
| And the flavors are different. | ||
| We've talked about this before. | ||
| I don't know what it is, and I've heard people say it's the water, but whatever it is. | ||
| The place down the block from Gotham. | ||
| That's when I can do Gotham. | ||
| I'll show you the slice right here. | ||
| I even took a picture of it. | ||
| They got a sausage stromboli in there that'll make your asshole fall out. | ||
| I just took a bite of it. | ||
| I won't eat a whole stromboli. | ||
| That's a heart attack at night. | ||
| That's a delicious meal. | ||
| What, a stromboli? | ||
| Yeah, but that's a heart attack. | ||
| You know who else got a good stromboli? | ||
| Vegas. | ||
| Vegas? | ||
| I heard there's a place in Vegas that you got a stromboli and they have couches in the back. | ||
| Well, they must have leftover guineas from when the mob ran Vegas, right? | ||
| You used to go to a place that Eppoli used to take you to, the Italian pool place. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that place went under, unfortunately. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Yeah, it did. | ||
| That place was fantastic. | ||
| That was some of the best Italian food in Vegas, and you would get it at a pool hall. | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| Look how beautiful that slices. | ||
| Look at the fucking sauces tromboli my niece got. | ||
| That's like a florist. | ||
| Yeah, this is a hard attack. | ||
| Taking pictures of beautiful flowers. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| This is Dos Hermanos Cuban Restaurant. | ||
| They've been serving Cuban steak sandwiches since 1960. Wow. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| Cuban steak sandwiches. | ||
| Where's that place? | ||
| West New York, New Jersey. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's the place. | ||
| You took pictures of pizza? | ||
| Bro, that's beauty. | ||
| That's Mona Lisa in my world. | ||
| Look at the stromboli. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the counter. | |
| Look at the fucking stromboli. | ||
| Look at the counter. | ||
| His phone is filled with pictures of food. | ||
| Look at the lobster tails. | ||
| The one from Jersey with the cream in them. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| This place here, you can't... | ||
| All those Italian fucking cookies. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that fucking... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What do you call those? | ||
| Cannolis, right? | ||
| Yeah, cannolis. | ||
| Look at that fucking cannoli. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get more! | |
| I don't take pictures of my kids. | ||
| I take pictures of food. | ||
| Fuck the kid. | ||
| Give me pictures of food. | ||
| It's all food. | ||
| No, every time I go to New York, I just take pictures so I can show people here what they're missing. | ||
| Like, this is what... | ||
| Doing this yoga thing where I did 9, 10 yoga classes in a row, whatever it was. | ||
| I think it was 10. I'm hungry all the time. | ||
| Because I'm doing 90 minutes of yoga every day. | ||
| Every single day. | ||
| Not a day off for 9 days. | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| Let's say it was 9. But even if it was 9... | ||
| I took a day off before that, and I did two days in a row. | ||
| So, it's like, over the last couple of days, or last couple of weeks, it was 11 classes. | ||
| Mostly in a row. | ||
| And just always hungry. | ||
| Just constantly hungry. | ||
| Like, your body's just craving it. | ||
| And so I've been eating all sorts of shit that I never allowed myself to eat. | ||
| Like, late night, like, grabbing a burger. | ||
| I had a Wendy's burger last night coming home from the store. | ||
| Not good for you. | ||
| But it felt good. | ||
| Well, you burn right through that. | ||
| I do work out a lot, but still not the smartest thing to do. | ||
| I feel so much better when I don't do that. | ||
| When I just limit myself to that like once a week, I feel so much better. | ||
| But I don't necessarily think it's good to do anything nine days in a row. | ||
| I just feel like your body is just like, I've got a weird hamstring pull that's going on right now. | ||
| Everything feels like a little worn out. | ||
| You didn't run this month? | ||
| I didn't run but one day the first week of the month. | ||
| I lifted weights a couple times here and there, but almost the entire month has been yoga. | ||
| So far I went to eight jiu-jitsu's. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| You know, when I go on the road I do elliptical and the weights. | ||
| And then I do this little fucking kettlebell crawl. | ||
| Little steel back in my backyard. | ||
| Just to get that hip thing going. | ||
| So I laid this little thing. | ||
| Is that Alberto Galazzi stuff? | ||
| No. | ||
| Somebody told me to crawl. | ||
| And I started crawling like you're in the army. | ||
| Like in your backyard. | ||
| And I started crawling. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| Just crawl around your yard? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just crawl around. | ||
| Pull yourself on your hips and shit. | ||
| Do all this shit. | ||
| Pull on your elbows. | ||
| I like it, so I've been doing that. | ||
| Well, when the gym's installed, the gym's gonna be installed here in two weeks. | ||
| You gotta come by. | ||
| We'll do a workout. | ||
| No, I want you to teach me the darts and all that stuff. | ||
| The half guard and all that stuff. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's great that you got this place. | ||
| This is a fucking big place. | ||
| Crazy place, right? | ||
| But this place, we're going to do all kinds of stuff here. | ||
| We're going to have it set up where people can follow along to workouts. | ||
| I'm going to get someone to guide us through a workout. | ||
| And I'll say, hey, everybody grab a 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| We're going to go through this. | ||
| Like that Keith Weber guy that I've had on before. | ||
| Keith Weber, I'll get him to come up here and teach that kettlebell extreme cardio workout. | ||
| It's a fucking phenomenal workout that you can do with one 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| And you'll pick up a 35-pound kettlebell. | ||
| You're like, what a fucking workout am I going to get with this little ball? | ||
| It does it. | ||
| Five minutes in, you'll be dying. | ||
| Guaranteed. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Even if you're in good shape. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| If you're not used to that workout, it is fucking hard. | ||
| And by the time the thing's over, my legs are on fire. | ||
| Just 35 pounds? | ||
| 35 pounds. | ||
| And what kind of shit are you doing? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Clean presses over and over again, hot potatoes back and forth, renegade rows. | ||
| You're doing like a push-up with one hand on the kettlebell, switch to the other side, push up with the other one, doing them passing in between your legs, and you're going one after the other, one after the other. | ||
| Windmills over and over, clean press, snatches, and you're doing these in succession over and over again. | ||
| Switch to this side, switch to the other side, 10 on this side, 10 on that side. | ||
| You know, and we're talking about like a 45-minute workout. | ||
| We have them. | ||
| You can buy them all over the places, but we have them on it. | ||
| He's got three of them out, three different workouts. | ||
| They're fucking crazy DVDs. | ||
| I mean, this guy, he's a trainer up in Canada. | ||
| He's just in tremendous shape, but the videos are so good. | ||
| Because it's one of the few videos where a lot of these kettlebell workout videos, like people are teaching you proper form, which is all important. | ||
| You know, it's real important to learn proper form, learn where to... | ||
| Keep the weight balanced, keep your weight in your heels, and keep your feet flat on the ground. | ||
| All the different things that they want you to stress about various individual movements. | ||
| But Keith Weber's like, you better know all that shit, because we're just going to take you through a radical workout. | ||
| Like, ready? | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| And he's doing it all with you. | ||
| He's doing it on the beach. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Pretty crazy shit. | ||
| The other guy's good, too, from Alberto. | ||
| He's good, too. | ||
| He's got a nice little workout in the mornings. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's Kettle Jitsu guy? | ||
| That guy? | ||
| That place backs up at 5.30. | ||
| 5.30 a.m. | ||
| I watch it online. | ||
| 5.30 a.m. | ||
| He's got like fucking a stack of people in there. | ||
| And then they go right to jiu-jitsu at 6.30. | ||
| How great will it be to show up? | ||
| I gotta get up at 3 a.m. | ||
| Yeah, that's hard. | ||
| To be ready at 5.30 for that type of shit. | ||
| Have coffee. | ||
| I gotta have coffee, smoke pot, have a protein shake, ride a little bit. | ||
| Just so not to think. | ||
| Get your brain fired up. | ||
| Yeah, I can't. | ||
| I'll have a heart attack. | ||
| I just can't get up and go over that. | ||
| The good thing about doing a workout like that before jujitsu is that you'll approach jujitsu like light. | ||
| Is this him, Kettle Jitsu? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a good program. | ||
| Like, he's doing hip escapes. | ||
| He's calling it snake moves while he's holding onto a kettlebell at the same time. | ||
| That's phenomenal for your core. | ||
| These rocking chair get-ups. | ||
| You know what I really like, man? | ||
| I do these sit-ups with kettlebells where I put two 55-pound kettlebells. | ||
| Or 50-pound kettlebells over my feet. | ||
| I put my feet through the handles, and then I put two in my hands. | ||
| And I lay back on my back, and I press them up, and then I sit up with them pressed up. | ||
| And I do my sit-ups that way. | ||
| And it just makes your core, your ab muscles, just so goddamn strong. | ||
| I get the 25 you give me. | ||
| I don't tie my feet. | ||
| And what I do is I go back, and then when I go this way, I do like a fucking burpee to get my legs going. | ||
| That one's a little too rough on my back, but I do that in the end. | ||
| And then stand back up, all the way up? | ||
| No! | ||
| I just boom, bam! | ||
| And then go back, and then boom, bam! | ||
| At least, it's like I'm... | ||
| Getting onto a table. | ||
| That's what I'm doing, getting to a table. | ||
| I wanted to strengthen all that shit. | ||
| And it helped me strengthen my back doing all that stuff. | ||
| Those are great workouts because it's not like a glamorous thing where it pumps you up, it makes you look jacked, but it's just great for your body. | ||
| It's great for your circulation. | ||
| I throw the bag in there. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| So to warm up, I open up with the bag. | ||
| Very lightly, five minutes close distance, then spread out, punches, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Just get everything moving. | ||
| Then push up, stretch. | ||
| Once you do 20 minutes of that, then I start doing my stretches to really get the muscle warm. | ||
| Then I go back, now I start throwing kicks. | ||
| That kills Uncle Joey. | ||
| Once I start throwing the kicks, kicks, kicks, kicks, then I crawl. | ||
| Then I do my cleans. | ||
| I do all the Alberto Galazzi stuff with a 15-pounder now. | ||
| Instead of using the kettlebells for swings that were in the middle of my back, I use two 15s. | ||
| I turn my arms and I go up, boom, catch them. | ||
| Oh, so you're using the clubs? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I got them from Onnit, man. | ||
| They hooked me up, so they're fucking great. | ||
| Do you ever do Turkish get-ups? | ||
| I do up to a degree. | ||
| So I take the 10, the 8, whatever it is, boom, boom, boom, and then I do like a table instead of getting all the way up. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no, but I got palms on my knees. | ||
| It's all, yeah, no, no, I do it, I like all that stuff. | ||
| Any of that stuff, like when you're lying down on your back and you're pressing something up, and even just getting up to your knee, it's all just about strengthening your core, you know? | ||
| Do you do anything for your legs? | ||
| Do you do bodyweight squats for your legs? | ||
| Squats? | ||
| The goblets? | ||
| You don't have to do it with weight even. | ||
| Okay, I do it. | ||
| I start with nothing, and then I work myself up to a 35 goblet. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| My knees are kind of funky. | ||
| Yeah, you've always had some knee issues, right? | ||
| The right one now is a little funky, so I stop with the swings. | ||
| I love cleans with kettlebells. | ||
| That's my shit. | ||
| So I like the combination clean, put my hand down and squat. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| And then I do another clean, squat, and I do five on each side. | ||
| Now, does anybody run you through a program, or do you just come up with this on your own? | ||
| Whoever I've worked with. | ||
| I take the best of what they got. | ||
| And then you just decide to do whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah, Alberto is there. | ||
| My wife got me a bag for Christmas. | ||
| I got two kettlebells from you. | ||
| Do you want to join us if we do some sort of a challenge? | ||
| Some next level challenge? | ||
| Some next thing you want to join in? | ||
| Like what kind of do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just thinking. | ||
| This is one of the things that I've realized from doing the 15 yoga classes. | ||
| I would fucking never do nine yoga classes in a row like that. | ||
| I would never do nine days in a row unless I said I was going to do it. | ||
| But once you say you're going to do something and you do it, it's not that hard. | ||
| You just wind up doing it. | ||
| You have to do it. | ||
| My alarm goes off at 7. I'm out the door. | ||
| I get to the class. | ||
| I do the fucking 90-minute class. | ||
| And then I'm done. | ||
| And then I go do my shit. | ||
| And then I know the next day, it doesn't matter if I get home from the store at 1 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| My alarm's going off at 7. I'm getting up. | ||
| I'm having a cup of coffee. | ||
| I go there fasted. | ||
| I just have coffee. | ||
| You work out early? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I don't like getting up and working out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm good about 11 or 12. Well, I have an 11 o'clock podcast a lot of times. | |
| Like today's an 11 o'clock podcast. | ||
| So I'm up, you know, I already got a 90-minute workout in. | ||
| I come here, you know, stop at like Whole Foods or something like that. | ||
| Get a coconut milk. | ||
| Eat something good. | ||
| I got the coconut milk now, and I mix it with the acai vanilla. | ||
| Jesus Christ, it's delicious. | ||
| A couple ice cubes. | ||
| Yeah, I never liked the acai vanilla, but they ran out of chocolate. | ||
| Yeah, and they started sending it to me, and I'm like, beggars can't be choosy. | ||
| Good googly boogly. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| You know, the good thing about that hemp force protein is it's very little sugar. | ||
| That's why I use them all. | ||
| Two scoops, board ice. | ||
| A couple grams of sugar per serving. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Sometimes coconut milk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I like it. | ||
| I like that one. | ||
| I don't mind doing a challenge. | ||
| Here's the problem, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Here's the problem, what happens that a lot of people don't realize. | ||
| I go to jiu-jitsu, right? | ||
| Let's say I go to Alberto's, right? | ||
| Alberto's has some fucking killers in there. | ||
| So I'll do the break the guard, pass the guard, right? | ||
| A couple of those, and then we start rolling. | ||
| Well, a guy like me, an older guy, starts rolling, and after the second five-minute roll, he's opened up. | ||
| He's, oh, I'm open. | ||
| Like, I call Dolce, I'm like, Dolce, what's my problem, bro? | ||
| How come I'm not breathing? | ||
| He goes, you know how many guys go into the octagon and I gotta work them out in the back for 45 minutes before because they can't breathe either? | ||
| It's just, just go with it. | ||
| So if I do more than those two roles, it's the law of diminishing returns. | ||
| I really can't walk the next day. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| But you've got to build up to it. | ||
| You've got to build up to it. | ||
| So that's why I like this other guy in a way. | ||
| Because you work. | ||
| One day you drill. | ||
| One day you work. | ||
| I could do weight shit. | ||
| I like weight shit. | ||
| I was thinking of joining your buddy's gym for a really good workout, Terry Norris. | ||
| Terry? | ||
| If that's the one in Studio City. | ||
| Terry Norris or Terry Claybon? | ||
| Terry Claiborne is the guy I used to train with who's in Hollywood. | ||
| No, this is Terry Norris. | ||
| And then Terry Norris is the former boxer? | ||
| Yeah, he's in Burbank. | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| He has a Groupon for like 30 visits for like $22. | ||
| So he's like teaching people how to box? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Terry Norris was a motherfucker. | ||
| Little corner store. | ||
| It's up the corner from... | ||
| It's up the corner from a famous bodybuilding gym, but it's right there up the corner from... | ||
| There's a fucking great restaurant there, breakfast restaurant, and he's right there. | ||
| How is he talking and everything? | ||
| Because they had a thing on him on television. | ||
| He's having some issues. | ||
| I think his wife is there, and he has somebody else there, but he's there, cuz. | ||
| Yeah, she said that it's interesting because he's got all these issues, but then once he starts hitting the bag and moving around, he comes back and he looks like Terry Norris of old. | ||
| He's just talking and struggling. | ||
| I remember seeing him once. | ||
| I was at a boxing match. | ||
| I was actually with Dom Irera, and Terry Norris was there talking to people, and this was before he had retired officially. | ||
| And he was talking to somebody, and you could hear the slur, and I was like, whoa. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I had no idea it was this bad. | ||
| You know, all those guys, those guys that are in wars, like you will run into them one day and you will see it all. | ||
| You'll see the war in their voice. | ||
| You'll see it in the slurring and the weird ticks and the movements and you're like, oh, you're looking at a frazzled person. | ||
| They're, you know, they're shattered. | ||
| Did Jamie show you the hit from last night? | ||
| The what? | ||
| Can you watch the hit from football last night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| What happened? | ||
| Somebody get smashed? | ||
| Rough. | ||
| But you know what's crazy? | ||
| This was football 10 years ago. | ||
| Now they're fucking done. | ||
| Did I hit this hard anymore? | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| How'd this guy get hit so hard? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| The main issue on it is it's a quarterback play. | ||
| They do the thing where they're giving up their body. | ||
| They slide with their legs first. | ||
| They're not supposed to get hit almost anywhere. | ||
| You're maybe supposed to tap them just to let them know they're down. | ||
| So this guy gives up his legs. | ||
| Let me see if I can find the video too. | ||
| Trying to do that while I'm talking. | ||
| But he gets hit really, really hard. | ||
| And then when you see it in slow-mo, it kind of makes it a little worse. | ||
| Because the dude led with his arm. | ||
| Hits him right in the helmet. | ||
| Oh, he goes like this, Jerome. | ||
| Oh, you see him. | ||
| You're like, damn! | ||
| I'm surprised they didn't throw him out. | ||
| Like, I didn't watch the game. | ||
| When I got up this morning, it was all over the place. | ||
| Late hit, late hit. | ||
| I wonder if one day they're going to be able to figure... | ||
| Is this it right here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Running. | |
| Doom! | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Why is that guy mad? | ||
| Because it's a late hit? | ||
| They got furious at him. | ||
| Let me see it again. | ||
| They're going to show from other angles and you'll see. | ||
| Protecting the quarterback is a big deal. | ||
| That's the guy that hit him. | ||
| 47. Kiki Alonzo, I think is his name. | ||
| Kiko. | ||
| And that's the guy who got hit? | ||
| Joe Flacco for the Ravens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, here we go. | |
| He's running, he's running. | ||
| This is the angle that's a little rougher. | ||
| But he was already coming. | ||
| Like, how's he gonna stop? | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| That's the part about five feet first. | ||
| They're trained to be like, you're supposed to stop. | ||
| It's like kicking a fighter when their arms are down kind of thing. | ||
| It's a rough time. | ||
| Like, I know they changed the rule recently, but sort of the same kind of thing. | ||
| So he hit that dude even though the dude was already down. | ||
| The guy went down on his own accord. | ||
| Him sliding feet first means he's not supposed to be hitting him like that. | ||
| He should know better. | ||
| That's why everyone was mad. | ||
| That's why this coach is yelling at him right here. | ||
| So he just took a cheap shot at him. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And he hit him really hard, knocked him right out of the game. | ||
| So what happens to that guy, 47? | ||
| He gets a fine. | ||
| That dude's racked. | ||
| He gets suspended for three or four games. | ||
| He got his bell rung. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fucked up thing, right? | ||
| In college football, they're taking him out of the game right away. | ||
| He would have been probably thrown directly out of the game, potentially missed maybe half the next game. | ||
| So they give a penalty to the other team? | ||
| Yeah, so in the NFL right now, it's just a penalty. | ||
| How many of these football referees are on the take? | ||
| How many of these guys get busted? | ||
| Like that's a big thing about NBA players. | ||
| I was reading this whole thing about how little NBA players make and how they're constantly watching all these NBA or not NBA players NBA referees make and how they're watching all these players pull up in Bentleys and Rolls Royces and Shining with diamonds and gold and jewelry and that these guys just start taking bribes and that there is at one point in time where there's just a shitload of referees in the NFL and the NBA that are just on the take and Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And they'll get bribed by bookies. | ||
| They'll get bribed by, you know, people that are big-time gamblers. | ||
| And you've got to think, if this guy's only making, I mean, how much does a referee make? | ||
| It says some here between, anywhere between $150,000 and $500,000 a year. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they make money. | ||
| That's a good living. | ||
| They make money. | ||
| But if someone comes to you, if you make $150,000 and someone comes to you and goes, Joey, I just want you to make this game a little bit more easy for the Dolphins. | ||
| Here's $100,000. | ||
| Here's how much they make per year and some players make that per game. | ||
| Now pull up bribery in NBA referees or corruption in NBA referees. | ||
| There's been a bunch of guys that have been busted, right? | ||
| I don't know about a bunch. | ||
| I think it's really just the one guy. | ||
| Just one? | ||
| He tried to call out a bunch of other people, but he didn't do it by name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Donahue? | ||
| Yeah, Tim Donahue. | ||
| Yeah, I talked to him, that guy. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| He's on my podcast, yeah. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| He's a degenerate gambler. | ||
| Good guy. | ||
| You know, he's just a fucking... | ||
| Listen, you fall into that trap, man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They have so many scams. | ||
| Like, he was telling me they got, like, the first-class ticket shit, you know, where they give you a first-class ticket to travel to the games. | ||
| Just so much. | ||
| Just a little bit of this, a little bit of that. | ||
| A little bit of this, a little bit of that, you know. | ||
| Well, there was always a lot of that with boxing as well, you know. | ||
| Oh, this is tremendous. | ||
| This is tremendous. | ||
| Coaches and some different programs, and I think it was Adidas might have been. | ||
| So they were playing. | ||
| Families were getting paid through the shoe companies to direct players to certain schools. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then they were getting signed by those companies when they made it to the NBA. And in some cases, I think Rick Pitino, who's the coach for Louisville, is taking something like 98% or 95% of the money that was due to the school from Adidas. | ||
| He was just keeping it all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that legal? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| Legal is a weird word on that. | ||
| I mean, it's in the contract and it was like cash and how it's all getting dispersed. | ||
| So Adidas is paying him. | ||
| Basically, yes. | ||
| If you go back to the movie Blue Chips, which came out a long time ago, it was fictional then, but it's been going on for the last 25 years. | ||
| So why would they pay him? | ||
| What does Adidas get out of it? | ||
| He's bringing in the most popular players, the most popular recruits from high school and AAU. And so that maybe he could bring them to Adidas and then Adidas could have them wear them in the NBA? They're going to be all over the Final Four, the NCAA tournament. | ||
| They're going to be on Saturday basketball. | ||
| They're getting advertised just like NBA players, but they're not getting the money. | ||
| They're using their names, their highlights. | ||
| They're all over SportsCenter. | ||
| So Adidas would pay him to be an influencer? | ||
| 100%, yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's weird. | ||
| That's a weird role. | ||
| So he would be the father figure or the coach figure to these young men. | ||
| They look up to him. | ||
| He's a mentor in some ways. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| And he weasels them into the Adidas fold. | ||
| And they want that. | ||
| They want to wear Adidas stuff. | ||
| They want the cool jerseys. | ||
| Ohio State right now, the team I pay attention to for football, have some awesome, crazy jerseys that nobody's ever going to get that the LeBron James brand of Nike is giving them that are going to be showcased all over TV Saturday. | ||
| I was reading about Under Armour is banking on Steph Curry's new Under Armour shoe. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, Jamie, so much. | |
| They were saying that Steph Curry, who's like one of the best players in the league apparently, you know that more than I do. | ||
| I don't know shit about basketball. | ||
| Yes, he's really good. | ||
| They were saying that his new Under Armour shoe, they're putting a lot of money into this idea that his shoe is going to rebound the stock. | ||
| So people are making recommendations to buy Under Armour stock now so that when the shoe comes out, everybody gets crazy and buys his shoe and then Under Armour will bounce back. | ||
| You know the problem is, once something has a stink about it, that's kind of it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Is that bad looking? | ||
| In my opinion, and from knowing what I know about sneakers, that's not the shoe that's gonna bring them back. | ||
| What's wrong with that show? | ||
| Unless a bunch of kids are into it, which I don't know that they would be. | ||
| It's more about marketing. | ||
| So you have to get a whole bunch of kids into buying that, and then there's going to have to be a couple influencers in the NBA video game world and the YouTube blogging world that are going to have to make this seem cool to them. | ||
| Just the influencers are going to have to get into it. | ||
| Does it say Steph Curry on it? | ||
| Is that an SC? 30, his number. | ||
| Oh, it looks like an SC, doesn't it? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I wouldn't wear these shoes, is all. | ||
| I have so much fucking money in the sneaker business. | ||
| You wouldn't wear those shoes. | ||
| But you wear those goofy-looking Yeezys. | ||
| I also, like, I wouldn't wear these casually. | ||
| I'm not playing basketball. | ||
| Do you need a tissue? | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| So, some people might be wearing these for basketball. | ||
| There are a lot of kids still playing basketball. | ||
| If they can get a team into buying them, then you get 15 pairs sold right to a team. | ||
| You're talking about two totally different worlds, right? | ||
| You're talking about there's people that buy shoes to wear to play in. | ||
| Casual or athletic purposes. | ||
| And then there's people that buy shoes just to hang out in. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| But they're buying athletic shoes for casual purposes. | ||
| And the marketing of it is a real weird place because Jordans are where it all started. | ||
| Michael Jordan got everybody wearing shoes, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and Jordans people don't play basketball in Jordans, correct? | ||
| They do. | ||
| Or a lot of people don't. | ||
| They're doing it now? | ||
| Because you look cool when you're wearing those fucking cool Jordans, you know? | ||
| Oh, so if you wear Jordans playing basketball, like, this guy's so fucking crazy, he's playing basketball in Jordans. | ||
| Or even, yeah, like, he's playing basketball in the $1,000 retro Jordans. | ||
| Wait a minute, they cost $1,000? | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| No! | ||
| Oh, wait, yes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I mean, brand new retail, they're costing about $100 to $200, not $100, $200 retail, but the rarity of them, especially depending on the year they came out, if they came out five years ago, some of them cost $1,000, $2,000. | ||
| Bro, they have the same shit with geese, you know that, right? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I wear a hundred dollar gi, whatever. | ||
| I get like a cheap gi. | ||
| They got those shoulder roll. | ||
| What do you call those? | ||
| Shoulder roll, yeah. | ||
| People wait online for those. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| They even made a Michael Jordan one. | ||
| They made a guy that don't do jujitsu. | ||
| They put a gi out, a Michael Jordan gi that they sold in Chicago. | ||
| I know a guy that buys all those gis. | ||
| Like they do the same thing. | ||
| Like lucky gis? | ||
| Limited time only, midnight. | ||
| And they have hundreds of gis. | ||
| They do not wear them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because the shoulder rolls, the show you rolls, I don't know exactly what, they gain value. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I like Datsusara's. | ||
| Datsusara's got great stuff, yeah. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| That gi is great. | ||
| That's what I wear. | ||
| You still wear it? | ||
| You still wear the Datsusara? | ||
| The Datsusara's nice. | ||
| It's real durable, too, because the hemp is just so much more durable than cotton. | ||
| It's just those things. | ||
| I mean, geese are pretty goddamn durable as it is. | ||
| It usually takes a long time for one starts to break, unless you have a single weave, you know, one of those thin, light ones like a summer. | ||
| I'm a Fuji dude. | ||
| Fuji's great. | ||
| I love my Fuji. | ||
| Fuji's doing all the mats for here. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Yeah, I love Fuji geese. | ||
| I got the white one, the black one. | ||
| That you could pull them. | ||
| I'm a gorilla in that thing. | ||
| But they're light. | ||
| This is why I knew I wouldn't do well in hot yoga. | ||
| First of all, I'm not a heat guy. | ||
| You could tell how I, even humidity, I don't respond well to. | ||
| When I first started Jiu Jitsu, that was the biggest problem I had, that I didn't know anything about gis. | ||
| So I went and bought a judo gi. | ||
| When I hit that heat, that heat level went all the way up. | ||
| That took me to a different place. | ||
| Yeah, those double-weave geese. | ||
| Those things, those are very heavy. | ||
| But some people like that. | ||
| They like the double-weave. | ||
| They like the feeling of security, of having that very thick cloth around them. | ||
| Some people like the golden-weave. | ||
| I like the single-weave. | ||
| I like the single-weave. | ||
| The Fuji fucking, yeah, thin. | ||
| I want it to feel light. | ||
| I don't want a fucking geese. | ||
| Look at the size of me. | ||
| If I put a geese on, it's 20 pounds. | ||
| Well, also for me, I've had staff a couple times, so I always put a rash guard on anyway. | ||
| Even if I wear a gi, I still have a rash guard on. | ||
| I put a rash guard on all the time. | ||
| People get scratched from fingernails all the time. | ||
| I also carry those defense soap wipes with me everywhere. | ||
| I got the wipe, the spray. | ||
| The soap. | ||
| I got the soap in the shower. | ||
| Put them on my fucking feet, my nutsack. | ||
| Do you drink kombucha or anything like that? | ||
| Yes, I drink kombucha. | ||
| That's so good. | ||
| Getting probiotics. | ||
| Do you ever have kimchi? | ||
| You ever eat kimchi? | ||
| No, that's where I stop. | ||
| You can't deal with that? | ||
| That shit smells fucking disgusting. | ||
| I love that stuff. | ||
| Even though I'm Asian. | ||
| It says I'm Asian in the fucking thing. | ||
| I buy a fucking jar of that shit, like a 32-ounce jar, and I'll eat most of the jar. | ||
| What is kimchi? | ||
| Like a fucking pickle? | ||
| It's cabbage. | ||
| It's pickled cabbage. | ||
| It's fermented cabbage from Korea. | ||
| And your farts smell worse than taste. | ||
| They'll clean the paint off your fucking car. | ||
| Fucking crap. | ||
| No, I like the kombucha juice. | ||
| I just can't deal with other shit. | ||
| All that stuff is good for you. | ||
| I don't do the Greek yogurt either. | ||
| I like the regular yogurt. | ||
| Greek yogurt tastes like ass. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| I like regular fucking... | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I tried the vanilla on the plane. | ||
| I don't like Greek yogurt. | ||
| No, I like the Dan. | ||
| I like all the other ones, you know. | ||
| Well, over the last few months, I've been shying away from dairy. | ||
| I'll eat a little cheese every now and then, because I like cheese, but I've been trying to eliminate dairy from my diet a little bit, just to see. | ||
| Because I've heard from several people that they've eliminated dairy, and they've had good reactions to their body. | ||
| They've had less inflammation, and it makes them feel better. | ||
| I'm that shit. | ||
| They said it on that report. | ||
| I'm lactose, whatever. | ||
| Intolerant? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't drink milk. | ||
| I drink a milkshake once a month. | ||
| If I'm out, I'll drink a milkshake. | ||
| I'll make a banana shake at home or something with a half a banana. | ||
| I like my shakes thin. | ||
| I think that's what I'm going to do for November. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do for November. | ||
| But I think for November, I'm going to go the entire month without eating any bullshit. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| The entire month. | ||
| Just all straight healthy food. | ||
| No added sugar. | ||
| No nothing. | ||
| No sodas. | ||
| No crap. | ||
| I'm just going to see what that feels like. | ||
| We're going to come up with some new challenge. | ||
| Because after this month, doing this, I feel like this was a very beneficial month for me. | ||
| Beneficial in that, first of all, my back has never felt better. | ||
| Like, doing yoga all these times, like, it makes your back feel bulletproof. | ||
| Like, you just feel, like, my posture and everything, like, everything is just, it feels so sturdy. | ||
| Yoga, especially Bikrams, like that 90-minute hot yoga shit, so much of it is about your back and your core and like supporting your spine. | ||
| And I think, you know, sitting down a lot, doing podcasts, even though these chairs are phenomenal, these Capisco Ergo Depot chairs, these things are phenomenal. | ||
| They keep you, you know, sitting in the right posture and they support you well. | ||
| It's just not real good to sit down all the time like that. | ||
| And a lot of times your back is like compressed and If you don't have good structure and if you don't have good strength around the spine, like good muscle strength around the spine, you're going to develop all sorts of weird problems and weird issues with your back. | ||
| I think I've learned a lot this month about what kind of exercises you need to do to keep your back strong. | ||
| This yoga shit, doing it as many times as we did it this month. | ||
| I mean, I'm not going to do it this many times, but I'm definitely going to do it two times a week from now on. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| And if you mix it with the weights, a little running, you're good to go, dog. | ||
| You're good to go. | ||
| You don't need much. | ||
| We're not in the Olympics. | ||
| We're not fucking playing professional sports. | ||
| Just trying to maintain. | ||
| Keep your fucking whatever going. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| It's not a lot. | ||
| Have you ever done the cryotherapy? | ||
| The who? | ||
| Cryotherapy. | ||
| The cold shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I worked myself up. | ||
| It's right down the corner from my house. | ||
| Have you done it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I just always forget to go down there. | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| I think I had a lot of problems. | ||
| You know, I wrote the fucking... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| The first four chapters for the book. | ||
| For your book? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I did August and September. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all I did. | |
| What are you writing a book about? | ||
| What got me into comedy. | ||
| Why I got into comedy. | ||
| Just the biography. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| A to Z. And I finally started August 1st. | ||
| I got the iPod, whatever the iPad... | ||
| You write it on an iPad? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And I write it, and I hire a kid, and he edits everything for me. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| So I had to have four chapters done, and I gotta tell you something. | ||
| So do you have a book deal? | ||
| No, I'm gonna try again. | ||
| I wanted to write it, bro. | ||
| I wanted to write it. | ||
| I didn't want to say, every time I had somebody else write it, Joey Diaz is like a Floyd... | ||
| Story. | ||
| You should have seen the last guy I got. | ||
| Floyd Story? | ||
| A Floyd Thorian, whatever the fuck those people say. | ||
| I have no fucking Thorian story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's Floyd Thorian? | |
| I have no fucking idea. | ||
| You know these people. | ||
| You know, writing has gone. | ||
| Like, when you read Silence of the Lambs, right, it's just plain writing. | ||
| But sometimes you read these books where the writers go a little too far with their bullshit. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's just too much. | ||
| It's like you were saying. | ||
| You ever go to people's houses and they talk and they say shit for 20 minutes? | ||
| It's like by Studio City where I live. | ||
| Go to that coffee shop from time to time. | ||
| You know what they were saying in there? | ||
| What? | ||
| The day after the Vegas shooter. | ||
| The Vegas shooter was Sunday night. | ||
| Do you know what these idiots were saying in there on Monday? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That this had to do with women's rights and the abortions. | ||
| And they just talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This new breed of Gentiles, they just talk. | |
| That's all they do. | ||
| Is talk with big words to impress you. | ||
| But they don't say shit. | ||
| They don't say shit. | ||
| Three or four big words to let you know they're smart and then they didn't say nothing. | ||
| There's a lot of repeating narratives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Every time the show, the new show I'm going to do, I'm buying one of those little tape recorders, and I'm putting them under these six fucking morons every day. | ||
| Then at night, I'm going to do a show about what they discussed. | ||
| Because this is 60% of America, what these fucking people are talking about. | ||
| This is the idiots. | ||
| The shit that comes out of their mouth is amazing. | ||
| And you sit there and go, no wonder fucking... | ||
| ISIS wants to shoot us. | ||
| Listen to these fucking dummies. | ||
| Listen to what's coming out of their mouth. | ||
| Women's rights? | ||
| That's what they were talking about. | ||
| Well, what was their argument? | ||
| They were saying that the guy shot everybody. | ||
| Their argument is everybody trying to be smarter than everybody. | ||
| It's just six people trying to outwit each other. | ||
| It's like when you go to those fucking dinner parties you talk about. | ||
| And by the time they serve the salad, you want to put a gun in your fucking mouth. | ||
| Why am I even fucking here with these people? | ||
| I could have stopped at Burger King and had a better fucking time. | ||
| That's why I don't go to those dinner parties. | ||
| And once politics comes up, you lose me, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I don't want to hear about it no more. | ||
| You lose me. | ||
| You lose me. | ||
| These new political people talking nonsense, you lose me. | ||
| Move forward. | ||
| Either impeach them, get a new one, or shut the fuck up. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| You ever put the news on anymore? | ||
| But it's definitely... | ||
| First 20 minutes! | ||
| He didn't send the check. | ||
| He called the... | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| There's got to be something more... | ||
| There's got to be a seal stuck on a beach somewhere in this fucking country. | ||
| Something more important than this shit every fucking day. | ||
| So the politics is over, my world. | ||
| Religion... | ||
| You know, I don't want to... | ||
| You're not supposed to talk about politics or religion or those fucking things. | ||
| But this new breed of Gentile, they just talk... | ||
| For the sense of talking, to see who's the smartest person in the room, and at the end of the day, they're all a bunch of dumb fucks anyway. | ||
| There's definitely a lot of people talking just to impress other people. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| And there's a lot of people saying a bunch of things that they've read on blogs or read on websites. | ||
| Everybody wants to have an intelligent conversation and everybody witty. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, man. | ||
| Leave me the fuck alone. | ||
| 2017. | ||
| What would you rather them talk about? | ||
| Life. | ||
| Something that makes sense. | ||
| Something simple that you're not trying to impress me. | ||
| Talk to me about your kids and what you want for your kids. | ||
| But don't you think there's a lot more of that in Hollywood? | ||
| Because people are trying... | ||
| I think one of the things about Hollywood is that people are always trying out for auditions. | ||
| They're always going in on auditions. | ||
| And they always have to be picked and chosen. | ||
| And they're always trying to position themselves like someone that you would want to hire. | ||
| And so they manufacture these attitudes based on what they think. | ||
| They lick their finger, they hold it up, they find out which way the wind's blowing and that's the way they go. | ||
| And they start to sort of construct their personality based on what they think All the casting agents, all of them, 100% of them, are liberal. | ||
| They're all liberal. | ||
| Everyone's liberal. | ||
| Everyone across the board is a Democrat, or the radical ones are Bernie Sanders supporters, and everyone has very clear left-wing views, whether you like it or not. | ||
| Not a judgment on it. | ||
| But these people that go in for auditions and actors, which is most of what you're running into, either actors or screenwriters or someone who's trying to do something in Hollywood, they all want people to know that they're on the right team. | ||
| And they all want to say... | ||
| All the things that they think need to be said. | ||
| Where you saw a lot of the hypocrites was in the first few days of this Harvey Weinstein shit. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Please. | ||
| This is embarrassing. | ||
| And you know what, man? | ||
| At the end of the week, they're all fucking disgustos. | ||
| Because they all fucking knew about it. | ||
| Oh, they all knew about it. | ||
| They all knew about it for years. | ||
| And now they all want to raise their fucking head. | ||
| But you know what, bro? | ||
| When Harvey was giving them movies, nobody was complaining. | ||
| Yeah, well, I've heard that argument. | ||
| Nobody was complaining. | ||
| I heard that argument from a girl. | ||
| She was saying that Harvey Weinstein gave them all careers. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's a crazy, crazy argument. | ||
| Two of the chicks thanked them in the Oscars. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Now you're going to... | ||
| Listen, leave me the fuck alone. | ||
| The ones that really need the smack of the mouth are the guys that came out. | ||
| And said, I got molested once. | ||
| My dick got touched at a party one time. | ||
| We live for that shit. | ||
| We live for somebody to touch our fucking dick. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We're not going to go to therapy. | ||
| We don't say nothing. | ||
| Somebody grabs your dick, you just fucking smile and go. | ||
| What if it's a little gay guy? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Everybody needs a break from time to time. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You never let a gay guy suck your dick with ice cubes in their mouth? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| It's a party. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I had a friend one time that he let anybody suck his dick. | ||
| Anybody? | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| Anybody who wanted to suck his dick could suck his yum yum stick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And one day he was telling me about fucking getting his dick sucked by a gay guy with ice cubes in his mouth. | ||
| I nearly fucking died. | ||
| He just let the guy do it? | ||
| Yeah, he goes, fuck it. | ||
| What was the conversation? | ||
| He was telling me how his mouth was cold and all this shit, and I was fucking dying. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| Did he look at the guy while he was sucking his dick, or did he close his eyes? | ||
| Listen, I don't want to know about that shit. | ||
| I would want to know. | ||
| But you wanted to know about the guy getting his dick sucked by a dude with ice cubes in his mouth. | ||
| I mean, why not know whether or not he's watching it? | ||
| First of all, when he told me this story, I was young. | ||
| I had never heard that story before. | ||
| I was like 18. He goes, I let a fucking guy suck my dick when One time. | ||
| But if it was so good, why not keep going? | ||
| You know, it's tough to find somebody who will suck your dick with ice cubes in their mouth unless you give them the small 50. I think once you put it out there, you put that flag up, People will come. | ||
| That was the funniest thing with that crazy bitch from Superman. | ||
| Because she popped up like eight days later. | ||
| Harvey took his dick out one time and I told him, put that back in your pants. | ||
| Crazy chick from Superman? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Yeah, what's that chick that's crazy? | ||
| Oh, the one that was hiding in the bushes? | ||
| When they found her, she had no teeth? | ||
| That one? | ||
| What the hell's her name? | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Superman with Christopher Reeve, right? | ||
| No, the other one. | ||
| Wasn't Superman with Christopher Reeve? | ||
| The early Superman, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was the one with Dean Cain. | ||
| Who was the crazy? | ||
| Dean Cain. | ||
| Who was the one in there? | ||
| Margot Kidder. | ||
| Margot Kidder is crazy, right? | ||
| No, this was the other one that came out. | ||
| You're talking about the one who was in Superman with Dean Cain, the TV show. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| What was that really pretty girl's name? | ||
| Terry Hatcher. | ||
| Terry Hatcher. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that her name? | |
| She was on the TV show. | ||
| You got to talk in the mic, buddy. | ||
| Sorry, she was on the TV show. | ||
| She was in Desperate Housewives, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it wasn't her. | ||
| I had an ex-girlfriend of mine get so mad when I was talking about how pretty she was. | ||
| Missing Superman actress found frightened in the bushes. | ||
| Yeah, that was in 96. Margot Kidder. | ||
| Yeah, she went crazy. | ||
| 47-year-old Canadian-born actress best known. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Once you hit, like, late 40s and you're one of those actresses and they stop calling and you are already crazy and the pressure builds up. | ||
| She'd cut off her own hair with a razor blade in an attempt to alter her appearance. | ||
| A Glendale police sergeant, Rick Young, said... | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| She was taken to Olive View Medical Center for a 72-hour psychiatric evaluation. | ||
| They could have spared 71 hours and 50 minutes by just bringing her to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would have went, yeah, that bitch is crazy. | |
| What happened here the other day with Corey Feldman, though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He apparently got arrested. | ||
| Oh, that thing. | ||
| Yeah, I just made a joke. | ||
| And people get mad. | ||
| They got mad, but it wasn't them getting mad. | ||
| It was me getting mad at myself. | ||
| What was the joke? | ||
| He was wearing a really small jacket while he was doing this performance at a minor league baseball game. | ||
| And he was doing this Michael Jackson thing, but the jacket was so small. | ||
| I go, is that a jacket he was wearing when he was getting diddled when he was a little kid? | ||
| And I was like, why did I joke around that? | ||
| I was just trying to make Greg laugh. | ||
| I said something. | ||
| And then afterwards, when I saw it, especially out of context, I was very disappointed in myself. | ||
| He wants 10 million to fucking expose pedophilia? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw that. | |
| He's out of his mind. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| First of all, he never said that Michael Jackson did anything to him. | ||
| He said Michael Jackson didn't. | ||
| But he said that there's a lot of pedophilia in Hollywood and he wants to make some sort of a movie on it. | ||
| Which I'm sure there's a lot of pedophilia in Hollywood. | ||
| But like this idea that people are trying to kill him. | ||
| You were saying people are trying to run him over. | ||
| Isn't that what you were saying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I watched the video for like 10 seconds and I felt bad for him. | ||
| I think the drugs caught up. | ||
| Yeah, if they wanted to kill him, he'd be dead. | ||
| Yeah, two trucks tried to hit him. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| See, this is like weird paranoia shit. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| If they want to kill you, you're dead. | ||
| And it's not going to be trucks trying to run you over. | ||
| It's going to be a guy out of nowhere shoots you in the head and gets in his car and no one's going to know who he is and no one's going to catch him because they're going to hire a professional. | ||
| Like this idea that someone's going to like miss him with a car and then they're chasing him, running him down. | ||
| I find that very hard. | ||
| I mean, it's possible, but I find it very hard to believe. | ||
| I always think that, like, if someone is a very powerful man, like, I don't know if the Clintons ever whacked anybody, but if they did, they whacked those fucking people. | ||
| Like that one guy that was the big conspiracy theory about the guy who released all the stuff to WikiLeaks, the DNC guy, Seth Rich. | ||
| They killed that motherfucker. | ||
| Whoever did it, whether he was killed because some random person decided to shoot him in the back in the middle of the night and not steal his watch or his phone or his wallet, whether it's that or whether it's what Julian Assange from WikiLeaks said is that there's consequences to leaking information to WikiLeaks because that's what they were saying. | ||
| And people were saying, look, this is another one of the Clinton body count people and then there's You know giant conspiracy theories about how many people the Clintons have had killed. | ||
| I don't know if that's true or not. | ||
| I have zero information. | ||
| But I do know when people want you dead. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| When they're real people that are real killers and evil fucks. | ||
| There's a lot of people that have been killed, like Putin. | ||
| If Putin wants you dead, you get shot on TV in front of everybody and nothing happens. | ||
| No one goes to jail, no one gets caught, you're just dead. | ||
| That's the type of people we're talking about. | ||
| I have a hard time believing that someone's getting barely missed by a car. | ||
| That's like some movie shit. | ||
| They were coming after me, but I dived into the bushes at the last minute, and now I'm hiding in a motel somewhere, and I can't tell you where, but if you give me $10 million, I want to make a movie. | ||
| You know why I feel bad for Corey Fennell when you see that, when you see that performance? | ||
| I mean, I bet he's a nice kid and stuff, but you could see Hollywood's just fucking made a mockery. | ||
| Like, they just beat him up, dawg. | ||
| Well, he grew up on TV and the movies. | ||
| Yeah, they beat him up. | ||
| If you grow up in the movies, you don't have a childhood. | ||
| Who the fuck do you know? | ||
| Who? | ||
| And name one that made it through that meat grinder of growing up famous that's not completely fucking crazy. | ||
| Name one. | ||
| Name one. | ||
| Look, Miley Cyrus might have gotten out of it better than any of them. | ||
| Her new album's really good. | ||
| She's fucking talented. | ||
| As a musician, she's great, bro. | ||
| You ever see those ones that she's up on the hill in Tennessee with a little band and they're singing outside in the mountains? | ||
| You ever seen her cover of Jolene? | ||
| Yeah, Jolene. | ||
| Jolene, that whole thing. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| I've always liked it. | ||
| She got a little crazy. | ||
| If we play some of that, would we get in trouble? | ||
| Yeah, we played some of it before. | ||
| She fucking, once she started talking about no reefer, fuck her. | ||
| I used to see her at the weed store all the time with her brother. | ||
| With her brother at the weed store. | ||
| She was smoking more than anybody now. | ||
| She quit, whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck her. | |
| Well, she's 20. Yeah, she's 23. She's talking shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever she is. | |
| She's a kid. | ||
| She's fucking got more money than God. | ||
| I'd watch the show. | ||
| I would watch the show on the road. | ||
| Hannah Montana? | ||
| Oh, please, yeah. | ||
| My kids like it. | ||
| I love that fucking show. | ||
| I love her on that show. | ||
| She's tremendous. | ||
| Yeah, play some of that. | ||
| Give me some of that. | ||
| Something's going off the internet. | ||
| Our internet? | ||
| Yeah, the robbers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| It's not like we paid a shitload of money for it. | ||
| Have you seen John Wick 2? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was on the other night. | ||
| We just watched that. | ||
| It's entertainment. | ||
| It's not going to win an Academy Award. | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| But if you think about how many hitmen, like that scene in the train station, the chick with the violin, all of a sudden she puts the thing away and she takes the silencer out. | ||
| Did you see Egan in that? | ||
| Egan Machado? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I've watched it twice. | ||
| I haven't seen Egan. | ||
| No. | ||
| Egan's part two. | ||
| He plays a cab driver. | ||
| So the only thing I can think about is the fight he had in the garage with the cab drivers when he was fucking shooting at them and all that shit. | ||
| How nasty. | ||
| Fuck Mighty Mouse's armbar. | ||
| How about John Wick's armbar? | ||
| It ends with a shot to the head. | ||
| It ends with a bullet to the head of his armbar. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| He clamps you, he drops back, and he goes, bah, he lifts your head with his foot. | ||
| That's the armbar. | ||
| Fucking Mighty Mouse picking up a guy. | ||
| Fucking Ray Berg. | ||
| That fucking armbar that he does is tremendous. | ||
| Ray Borg. | ||
| Ray Borg, Ray Berg. | ||
| Hey, you know what I'm realizing? | ||
| Your computer is having problems with the internet. | ||
| Mine is not. | ||
| My computer is not at one... | ||
| I just switched routers. | ||
| Routers? | ||
| It's the Wi-Fi router. | ||
| Oh, so that was on Wi-Fi and then you went to Ethernet? | ||
| Is that what you did? | ||
| I'm switching back and forth between another router I'm connected to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see. | |
| So who trains him? | ||
| I said, for real, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Well, he's obviously got a Machado jacket on, so they must have been doing some... | ||
| But I'll tell you what, all the jujitsu moves and the judo was 100% legit. | ||
| There was no shenanigans, like you see him throw somebody around and you don't believe it. | ||
| Like even his front kick. | ||
| That's a legit front kick. | ||
| Look, he's doing real shit. | ||
| You know what else he did that was real? | ||
| He did a lot. | ||
| Look, he's doing all this fucking strength and conditioning footwork moving. | ||
| He's doing all these rolls. | ||
| Another thing that he did that was super real was he did a lot of tactical firearms drills. | ||
| Like a lot of close range handgun drills. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Where he was, you know, shooting at steel targets that pop up and hiding behind things and turning corners and shooting at targets real quick. | ||
| Like, legitimately looks like he knows what he's doing. | ||
| Have you ever had a chat with him? | ||
| Have you ever met him and talked to him? | ||
| Never met him. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| He eats breakfast at Duke's. | ||
| Duke's in Hollywood? | ||
| Yeah, on the way out, you just go, what's up, dog? | ||
| And you go, what's happening, man? | ||
| Have a great day. | ||
| Yeah, this is the shit that he did. | ||
| Yeah, no, he's real. | ||
| There's a whole video of him going through these tactical courses, and you're like, whoa, that's legit. | ||
| Like, he's putting in the time, man. | ||
| He's 53. It fucking looks great for 53. 53. That's crazy. | ||
| It looks great. | ||
| It looks fucking great. | ||
| That's a good Kimura. | ||
| Yeah, see, like, he's rolling. | ||
| What is he? | ||
| That's not a black belt, is he? | ||
| No, he's a white belt. | ||
| What they do is they have a facility. | ||
| You see this facility? | ||
| Where? | ||
| They just redid this in Culver City. | ||
| The Machado's do? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's Hegan. | ||
| The company. | ||
| The 187, whatever the name of that company is. | ||
| His company? | ||
| Production company. | ||
| So they have everything there. | ||
| Most companies you go to, they have a couch and screens and shit. | ||
| No. | ||
| And I don't think this is the place. | ||
| They have, like, a real fucking place where they do all stunts. | ||
| Now, is that John over there? | ||
| Yeah, John Jock is to the right. | ||
| Wow, John Jock and John. | ||
| Yeah, there's Hegan. | ||
| John's there. | ||
| All the Machados. | ||
| But all this stuff that he's doing is, like, super legit. | ||
| There's Hegan. | ||
| I mean, he really wanted to learn Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| Like, he learned real Jiu-Jitsu as opposed to just making up some fake moves and shit. | ||
| No, his arm bar with the bullet at the end is fucking beautiful. | ||
| They're fun movies. | ||
| They're fun, ridiculous, sort of cartoonish, violent movies. | ||
| It's really good times. | ||
| When he goes to Italy, the chick kills herself. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking crazy. | ||
| Well, who's the girl, too, that is that sort of androgynous lesbian character who's in a lot of stuff? | ||
| Orange is the New Black. | ||
| Is that who she is? | ||
| She's very pretty. | ||
| She's got short hair. | ||
| She's the hit woman in the movie. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| She plays the deaf girl. | ||
| A deaf girl? | ||
| Yeah, doesn't she play the deaf girl? | ||
| In what movie? | ||
| And John Wick, too? | ||
| No, she's the hit person. | ||
| She's the killer that wanted to kill him. | ||
| The fuck's her name? | ||
| No, she kills herself. | ||
| Is that the chick that kills herself? | ||
| No, she doesn't kill herself. | ||
| Just show me the fucking IMDB. No, that's not it. | ||
| What's the... | ||
| Who's in the movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ruby Rose. | |
| Ruby Rose. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Yeah, that chick. | ||
| You know, she's a real famous lesbian type character. | ||
| Oh yeah, she plays the deaf one. | ||
| She's deaf? | ||
| In the movie. | ||
| I don't remember being deaf. | ||
| Remember she goes like this? | ||
| And she's telling them that she won a nightcap and shit. | ||
| But I don't remember that at all. | ||
| Yeah, she speaks sign language in the movie all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| How did I forget that? | ||
| Because you stopped smoking weed in October. | ||
| That's why, cocksucker. | ||
| Because I'm just paying attention to bullets. | ||
| Because you went sober in October. | ||
| I'm just watching people get shot. | ||
| I'm not paying attention to the actual plot. | ||
| It's just a fun, stupid movie. | ||
| No, I love them both. | ||
| That's a weird... | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I like all his fucking movies, man. | ||
| There's just some people that you watch their movies don't need to think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's got some classics. | ||
| I mean, think about the John Wick series. | ||
| He's in The Matrix. | ||
| I mean, this dude has been in some fucking classics and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You go back to that. | ||
| I mean, imagine that that guy started with like a really silly comedy and then went from that to be a giant action hero and somehow or another still looks good at 53. What's that movie he made with the bank robbers? | ||
| That they fucking re-bid. | ||
| That's a good movie, too. | ||
| Patrick Swayze. | ||
| Fucking good movie, too. | ||
| Yeah, I want to know what Keanu Reeves does to reduce stress, because he looks fucking fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, look at him. | ||
| Look, he's never in trouble. | ||
| You never hear from him at a bar or drinking or drinking wine or hanging out with nobody or abuse. | ||
| He doesn't do dick. | ||
| He grows his beard out. | ||
| He walks around looking dirty. | ||
| When you see him in the daytime, he's just a regular guy. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| How does he look so good? | ||
| He's just a regular guy, man. | ||
| No trouble. | ||
| I know, but I wonder what he eats. | ||
| Because someone told me that he actually smokes cigarettes. | ||
| That he's not particularly... | ||
| Like, disciplined about his health. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| 94 to 2014. How is that even possible? | ||
| Imagine if he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends. | ||
| He looks exactly the same. | ||
| She looks like an old hag. | ||
| She's like, what the fuck? | ||
| I mean, that's 20 years of difference, and he looks the same. | ||
| Well, he looks like shit in the 2013, though. | ||
| 2012, 2013 was a rough turn. | ||
| Fell off the road. | ||
| Well, that's when he met Hegan and everything changed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He started doing jujitsu and his life fucking changed. | |
| He started a podcast. | ||
| He called me up to go down there and do it. | ||
| Hegan is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| On what? | ||
| On some network down there. | ||
| Should he maybe learn English first or no? | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| They love him anyway. | ||
| They love his business. | ||
| Is that him smoking cigarettes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he does smoke cigarettes? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| See, that's even crazier. | ||
| Like, how is he not old as fuck? | ||
| Like, when people smoke cigarettes, that shit wears you out. | ||
| Like, the people that I see that smoke cigarettes, they look far older. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Maybe he's one of the... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You've seen that meme that people think... | ||
| There's, like, pictures they find where he's like, oh, Keanu Reeves from the 1750, whatever, yeah. | ||
| People are retarded. | ||
| They photoshopped the shit out of that anyway, right? | ||
| I watched some crazy shit last night, Gerard. | ||
| I didn't feel good. | ||
| I couldn't move much. | ||
| I lost the remote, and I started watching this thing about the story of the Reels. | ||
| Fucking tremendous. | ||
| The Reels? | ||
| It's called Reel, uh, Reel News or something. | ||
| It's 239 on cable. | ||
| And they had this whole thing out about the Godfather. | ||
| Fucking interesting as fuck, Jack! | ||
| What was interesting about it? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Didn't want to do the movie. | ||
| The director. | ||
| He was a hippie in San Francisco. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Had a studio up there. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Francis Ford Coppola is a hippie guinea. | ||
| He ain't regular guinea. | ||
| He's a hippie. | ||
| Long hair. | ||
| He owns a vineyard. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| He owns a vineyard. | ||
| Yeah, hippie dude. | ||
| Had the studio and they wanted him to do The Godfather and he was like, ah. | ||
| But he had an assistant called, what's his assistant's name? | ||
| George Lucas was a young assistant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it was his young assistant at the time. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And he talked him into it because he goes at the building they had was running out of money. | ||
| They had no money to pay the rent. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So they were going to run out of the rent. | ||
| So he talked him into doing it because he had to pay the rent. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola with R2-D2. That's incredible. | ||
| George Lucas looks like he was like 24 years old. | ||
| Young kids, bro. | ||
| Young kids. | ||
| I'll tell you what was a good move that a lot of people were critical of when they sold Star Wars to Disney. | ||
| Because Disney's taking that shit and run with it. | ||
| They run with it. | ||
| I mean, they're making so many more Star Wars movies. | ||
| They're good fucking movies. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They're doing Star Wars World at Disneyland, which looks insane. | ||
| They released a preview video of it the other day. | ||
| Have you taken your girl to Disneyland yet? | ||
| No, she hasn't asked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just wait. | |
| I'm dead. | ||
| I'm dead. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| You just wait. | ||
| I'm dead. | ||
| She asked about a month ago. | ||
| Tell me when you want to go, and we'll all go together. | ||
| Okay, yeah, yeah. | ||
| She asked about a month ago. | ||
| We'll go together. | ||
| She just stopped getting car sick, bro. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| We just got over it. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| That's why I'm not doing New Year's with you and none of that shit, because we're going to go away. | ||
| Does she look out the window? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| How does she not get car sick? | ||
| No. | ||
| What keeps her from getting? | ||
| We leave early and I don't feed her. | ||
| We take her out of the house fucking soldier style. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| And we only go one hour. | ||
| So that's why we went to Huntington Beach. | ||
| We go to Santa Barbara. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So that's what I'm going to do on those little holidays now. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Just get her the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm sick and tired of sitting here for Thanksgiving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take it down to Hellington Beach. | ||
| I got the nice hotel for kids. | ||
| You drop them off at 8, they surf. | ||
| You could have to walk to the fucking beach for them. | ||
| You have to walk on the street. | ||
| And then I'll go up to Montecito with them for New Year's. | ||
| I love it up there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's it, bro. | ||
| Come back from Portland. | ||
| That Friday, I get back that Thursday. | ||
| That Friday, I'm doing the two shows after Christmas. | ||
| Get back, and I'm taking them up to Montecito to the 2nd. | ||
| There's nothing to do down here. | ||
| Nothing to do. | ||
| Nothing to do. | ||
| Have you thought about moving out of here? | ||
| Just waiting. | ||
| Just waiting? | ||
| For what? | ||
| Just waiting for another year. | ||
| Another year. | ||
| Where are you thinking of going? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's Colorado or Lexington, Kentucky. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people here, Joey Diaz. | ||
| Seems like it's getting worse, too. | ||
| The thing that freaks me out is the eminent doom. | ||
| That one day, for sure, the Earth's gonna move. | ||
| The fuckin' water pipes are gonna break. | ||
| Fire's gonna break out. | ||
| For sure, we're gonna have a disaster. | ||
| And when we have a disaster, then we're gonna realize the real consequences of jamming 20 million people into a small area. | ||
| That bothers me. | ||
| When all this was going on this summer, and for two or three weeks you'd watch the news, wouldn't you think of that? | ||
| Like, we gotta be next. | ||
| We're sitting here in our cozy fucking warm living room watching Florida underwater, Texas underwater, you know, what's gonna come to us? | ||
| Well, the fires of Northern California were fucking insane. | ||
| Hardly anybody talked about them. | ||
| There's not a ton of people living up there, so it didn't get the amount of press that it deserved because there was so much going on in Texas, so much going on in Florida, so much going on in Puerto Rico, but the fucking fires in Northern California were insane, and they couldn't do a thing about them. | ||
| They didn't have fire hydrants in a lot of these places, they didn't have access to water, and they were just burning through towns. | ||
| I think they said hundreds of people are missing, And thousands of buildings were burnt to the ground. | ||
| And it barely made the news. | ||
| Fucking Puerto Rico is still without light. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| And they're not getting any funding. | ||
| How come they're not getting funding? | ||
| They've got some. | ||
| I mean, it's not that they're not getting funding, but they're not getting enough to rebuild, to do what they need to do, to get their infrastructure back up. | ||
| People don't understand about Puerto Rico is that you have San Juan and Viejo San Juan. | ||
| And after that, what surrounds these cities is what you see on TV, is these fucking villages. | ||
| Did you read the New York Times article about Cuba? | ||
| No. | ||
| About the hurricane? | ||
| How good they are with hurricanes? | ||
| No. | ||
| You gotta read that article. | ||
| They've been practicing this shit since 1950. Well, they have to. | ||
| They're a fucking island. | ||
| When I called my sister, my sister was like, it was three days. | ||
| We got killed. | ||
| They got killed in Kamaui. | ||
| Where my dad's from, they got fucking killed. | ||
| That's still underwater. | ||
| But they don't fuck around. | ||
| They have this complete... | ||
| If you could look it up, a New York Times article, it was fucking huge. | ||
| About how they handle hurricanes. | ||
| How do they handle it? | ||
| Community. | ||
| They fucking... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| When they pull you out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Evacuate? | |
| They pull you out right away. | ||
| I mean, they just... | ||
| Like, you didn't hear about Cuba having any problems. | ||
| No. | ||
| They got killed. | ||
| But they are so used to it. | ||
| They have such a great system for dealing with it. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Hurricane tips from Cuba. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| What is that right there? | ||
| The water hitting? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's a Malacong. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They got a 1950s car and the water is like fucking 80 feet in the air, smashing waves against the side of the building. | ||
| Or the side of the road, rather. | ||
| How cool is that car? | ||
| It's a pretty badass little car. | ||
| Just look at that fucking car. | ||
| How cool is that car? | ||
| They take those cars and they put like four-cylinder diesels in them, too. | ||
| They do all kinds of crazy shit with those cars to keep them running. | ||
| Did you watch that show? | ||
| When they did it, the 13 episodes of the Cuban cars? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I've seen a lot of things on them. | ||
| Pretty interesting. | ||
| How they fucking paint them and how they make all that shit. | ||
| They get like tar and they put the car together. | ||
| Pretty interesting shit. | ||
| There was a guy who bought an island outside of Cuba. | ||
| I forget what island it was, but it got hit so bad by the hurricane that it completely wiped off everything on the island. | ||
| This guy, some billionaire character, bought the entire island. | ||
| And for the first time in over 300 years, it's unpopulated. | ||
| There's literally no one living on this island. | ||
| It went from being this green, lush Ireland to being just a big, flat patch of dirt. | ||
| Like, flattened. | ||
| It just got hit by the full brunt of the storm right after this dude bought it. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how much he spent on it. | ||
| Was it Richard Branson's Island? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I think it was the guy who owns John Paul Mitchell. | ||
| Nectar Island completely. | ||
| Oh, no, we noticed he was ad blocking. | ||
| So Richard Branson says, Nectar Island, completely and utterly devastated by Hurricane Irma. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure that island got jacked, too. | ||
| But there was an island that is completely unpopulated for the first time in 300 years. | ||
| I forget what the island was, but these are just going to get worse. | ||
| The crazy thing about these hurricanes is they're building up steam out in the ocean versus in the Gulf. | ||
| Like, usually they would get to the Gulf... | ||
| And they would build up because the Gulf has warmer water. | ||
| But the water in the ocean is getting so warm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's it. | |
| I don't think somebody owns that one. | ||
| No, someone just bought it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, some guy just bought the island of Barbuda. | ||
| Let me ask you something, Barbuda. | ||
| I think. | ||
| So you've been thinking about leaving? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or are you thinking about staying? | ||
| No, I think about leaving all the time. | ||
| You and your wife been discussing it, and you open it up again. | ||
| Well, when it was getting 109 degrees in fucking October, we were like, what is this gonna be like in five years? | ||
| Like, is this gonna keep getting worse? | ||
| Like, if climate change is real, it seems to be, if we're getting record temperatures every year, which seems to be happening at least around here, You've got to wonder when that's not sustainable anymore. | ||
| Do you want to live in Phoenix in August? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| You know that Phoenix weather? | ||
| We've been there before. | ||
| It's 120 degrees. | ||
| That's not dealable to me. | ||
| We've got to assume that... | ||
| Robert De Niro vows to rebuild the island of Barbuda after Hurricane Irma strikes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Is it filled with black chicks? | ||
| No, he owns... | ||
| The year before, I guess he bought a resort there or something like that. | ||
| Jamie's taking it all literally. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not why. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| Did you ever see when they did the fucking benefit for him? | ||
| They did the tribute to Robert De Niro. | ||
| No. | ||
| And Beyonce got up there with a fucking mini skirt and started dancing. | ||
| Poor Robert De Niro. | ||
| Did he go crazy? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| You could see him just melting like salivating. | ||
| Look at that dark skin. | ||
| He loves the sisters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does. | |
| Can't be mad at him for that. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| Is there another famous guy that's known for loving black chicks as much as De Niro is? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's like known for it. | ||
| Well, you crack jokes about it and everybody knows the joke, right? | ||
| Like it's known for it, but nobody really says none because it's De Niro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's not wrong with it. | ||
| It's just got a thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's just flavor. | ||
| That's what you like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck are you going to do? | |
| But it's an obvious flavor. | ||
| It's like, I mean, I can't even think of a single celebrity that's like known for having a predilection for Asian chicks. | ||
| Name one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Name another celebrity that's got a thing for black chicks. | ||
| De Niro. | ||
| De Niro's the running joke. | ||
| Wesley Snipes. | ||
| He's got a thing for Asian chicks? | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| I think. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Maybe he's married to one or something. | ||
| Something, something. | ||
| Yeah, but not enough where you can tell a joke about it. | ||
| De Niro's one of those guys where a piece of information has to be so far distributed, so widely distributed that you can crack jokes about it. | ||
| And everybody knows what you're talking about. | ||
| That's the De Niro thing. | ||
| It's gotten to the point where anybody could crack a joke about it. | ||
| Did you prefer any particular woman type when you were dating? | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| I like white chicks. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I love white chicks. | ||
| Dirty white chicks. | ||
| Love them. | ||
| Love them, love them, love them, love them. | ||
| Chinese, I like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Dirty white chicks. | ||
| Yeah, I love white, dirty white chicks. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| As a kid, I liked Irish chicks. | ||
| I grew up in a place where I was surrounded with chicks with freckles and Red hair and sweaty tits. | ||
| I love all that shit. | ||
| I don't like dirty feet, but I like white chicks. | ||
| I like dirty feet. | ||
| I like white chicks. | ||
| They say when you're a kid, like the things you're surrounded by, the things that you first come in contact with when you become sexually active, that sort of like cements in your brain in a lot of people. | ||
| But I had all those Marie's and all those Gina's. | ||
| I can't deal with that either. | ||
| Marie's and Gina's? | ||
| Italian dogs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Italian chicks, but there's like Lisa's, Gina's. | |
| Yeah, they want to fight and shit. | ||
| They want to scream at you and throw shit. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't. | ||
| There was something about that that I liked them. | ||
| They were hotter than fuck. | ||
| I love Italian women, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But I really like white chicks. | ||
| Irish chicks is my shit. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I fucking love them, man. | ||
| But to just... | ||
| Like, I have a friend that's Jewish, and that's all he dates is black chicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Hef from The Sopranos. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What was the old man? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Remember they accused him? | ||
| He goes, I don't know if you look. | ||
| She's a little pale for my taste. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's just some people. | ||
| I have a buddy, same thing. | ||
| Jewish guy. | ||
| Loves black chicks. | ||
| Married his second black chick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two in a row. | |
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's all they call. | ||
| And it's funny because you think of like a black, like De Niro. | ||
| He's an older guy. | ||
| You know, he was around. | ||
| I can just imagine the first time De Niro went home. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And brought a black chick home and his dad's like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| Well, maybe not his dad, but how about all those fucking people that loved him in those movies? | ||
| All those Ginzos? | ||
| You know, probably racist. | ||
| And then loved him in all these, and expected him to be with some fucking mafia-looking lady, and he shows up with some super soul sister. | ||
| Well, that's why fucking Bronx Tale was so good. | ||
| He really put that part of his life in there. | ||
| Like that part with the black chick, you know, that kid that went to jail. | ||
| That's what Bronx Tale was about, really. | ||
| I hardly remember that movie. | ||
| Yeah, it was about, uh, Bronx Tale is a good fucking movie. | ||
| And we just, I hated it in the movie theater. | ||
| When I went to see it, I didn't like it. | ||
| It wasn't for me. | ||
| But now, it was on a couple weeks ago, that scene with the bikers. | ||
| That's a great fucking scene. | ||
| And that's a true story. | ||
| That's a true fucking story. | ||
| It's an old school Sammy the Bull story. | ||
| Bunch of bikers went into his bar. | ||
| Sammy came back, told him to be cool. | ||
| No. | ||
| Clocked the door and said, no, you can't leave. | ||
| And they just beat... | ||
| You ever seen that? | ||
| They just beat the fuck out of all those bikers and they get out of there. | ||
| But that movie was about the kid that was on The Sopranos that ended up going to prison for murder. | ||
| What's this? | ||
| Colossal though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, this is hilarious. | ||
| With the guy with bad luck. | ||
| His name was Mush. | ||
| So they put him in the closet. | ||
| They wouldn't even... | ||
| I don't want his money touching my money. | ||
| He's so bad luck. | ||
| But that whole thing is about him dating the black chain. | ||
| And then they go to the... | ||
| Remember that street in the Bronx where I used to get nickel bags at whatever avenue? | ||
| All that shit up there. | ||
| So it ends in a black neighborhood. | ||
| So he would have to walk home. | ||
| And then one night on the walk home, his four friends went into the black neighborhood with the car, and they got blown up. | ||
| You gotta watch this movie again. | ||
| It's a good movie, man. | ||
| That Chaz Palminteri guy, he did a lot of shit, and then he kind of vanished. | ||
| He's still around. | ||
| He's doing this shit in Broadway now. | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| The Bronx Tale on Broadway. | ||
| He just took it out to... | ||
| See? | ||
| He took it out to... | ||
| The new musical. | ||
| Whew, got in with the gay community. | ||
| Look at there, De Niro, and who's the guy on the left? | ||
| That's the gay guy. | ||
| We tell a Bronx tale, yeah. | ||
| This is a good movie, man. | ||
| That's bizarre. | ||
| Bizarre. | ||
| Remember, this guy lived with your boys, and they used to go home at night and tell stories every night. | ||
| So those guys are pissed because they said supposedly he took some of their stories... | ||
| Frankie Renzulli. | ||
| Frankie Renzulli, most of his stories from East Boston actually wound up in this movie. | ||
| So he did... | ||
| They kind of... | ||
| Renzulli was the guy in The Sopranos, right? | ||
| Yeah, he wrote for The Sopranos. | ||
| He's written for a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That world of guineas and mob movies and mob stuff, it's just like... | ||
| It becomes... | ||
| It's like an identity in a weird business. | ||
| It's like an identity that they put on, you know, the connected Italian character identity, you know. | ||
| And like, from The Sopranos on, that became a big selling point in Hollywood. | ||
| Like, it was a niche. | ||
| You know, the people got excited about, like the Italian gangster movie became a big thing, the Italian gangster films became a big thing, and so there was like a whole bunch of guys, like I'm sure you went out for auditions, and you were around those guys that were in that loop. | ||
| It's a dumb loop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| It's a dumb loop. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It really is hilarious. | ||
| Well, they were talking about it last night. | ||
| Like, look, The Sopranos killed the mafia TV show. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You won't see another mob movie again for 10 years. | ||
| Because it was so good? | ||
| Yeah, it just covered too many of the bases. | ||
| You've never seen it again. | ||
| Every once in a while, I get a script for a mob movie. | ||
| Hey, they want you to go read for this. | ||
| I open it up, and if I see Gino... | ||
| Vinny or Tony or Angelo, I closed the script. | ||
| Because you're living in a fucking fool's paradise. | ||
| It's not going to get made, or it's not going to do nothing. | ||
| And that's why they haven't been able to figure out the post-Soprano world. | ||
| It was too much. | ||
| They got into the Columbus. | ||
| I mean, they even got into Columbus Day. | ||
| That's how brilliant the fucking Sopranos were. | ||
| They did an episode about Columbus Day when they sent people down there. | ||
| Nick DiPaolo played the cop, and Oh, yeah. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Do you remember that Sopranos started off as a comedy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sopranos started off, the first episode was over-the-top comedy. | ||
| Where, what's her name? | ||
| Edie Falco was outside with an AK-47 because her daughter was trying to sneak out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I mean, she was a cartoon character. | ||
| I mean, it was ridiculous. | ||
| And then slowly but surely, it became this really intense, complicated drama. | ||
| And it wasn't funny at all. | ||
| Well, the mother died and that changed everything. | ||
| It was the first show that somebody died and changed the course of it. | ||
| Because it would have been completely different. | ||
| It would have ended with her being the boss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would have been the first time her... | ||
| But they went back to this last night with The Godfather. | ||
| How they had failed twice to make a mob movie. | ||
| Kirk Douglas had done a movie in 67. It didn't do well. | ||
| So when this Mario Puzo was fucking... | ||
| The book was tremendous. | ||
| They sent it to... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| They did not want Marlon Brando. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, they did not. | ||
| Marlon Brando had been a dud. | ||
| He had just done fucking that movie where he bought the island. | ||
| Oh, Island of Dr. Moreau? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The big one when he first bought the island in 1768 or something like that. | ||
| Oh, when he bought his own island. | ||
| Right, but he shot the movie, Bounty, what is it? | ||
| Treasure? | ||
| I forget what the name of the movie is. | ||
| Monte Cristo or something? | ||
| No, they gave him a bunch of money and go down there and shoot the movie. | ||
| He fell in love with one of the natives. | ||
| So he got like the first guy, hey, Jamie, come here. | ||
| Direct the movie. | ||
| And he started fucking her every day. | ||
| So Paramount wanted the footage. | ||
| When Paramount saw the footage, they saw birds and people running. | ||
| They go, what happened to our movie? | ||
| So they kind of like fucking fired Brando from directing it. | ||
| Mutiny on the Bounty. | ||
| So he was done. | ||
| He came back to the States like he was persona non grata. | ||
| They didn't want to talk to him no more. | ||
| You fucked our money. | ||
| You left your wife for this hot chick on an island. | ||
| Yeah, once he met her, he told his wife to go fuck herself, Paramount to go fuck themselves, and he just started hanging out with you. | ||
| Go full screen with her. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's legit, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bought the fucking island, Joe Rogan. | |
| Man. | ||
| She's fucking hot. | ||
| That's some serious Polynesian genes right there, baby. | ||
| So when he came back, they didn't want... | ||
| You know they didn't want Michael either? | ||
| What? | ||
| They wanted... | ||
| They didn't want Al Pacino, you mean? | ||
| For Michael Corleone? | ||
| They wanted... | ||
| They wanted Robert Redford. | ||
| Whoa, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Or Ryan O'Neal. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's who they wanted for Rocky. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Ryan O'Neal! | ||
| That's what they wanted. | ||
| That answer, from 73 to 75, we need a black actor. | ||
| How about Ryan O'Neal? | ||
| We need a boxer. | ||
| How about Ryan O'Neal? | ||
| They loved Ryan O'Neal's looks, so they were going to put him in Rocky. | ||
| You don't even hear about him anymore. | ||
| Well, he's 90,000 fucking years old. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| His original cast list, like people he had written down. | ||
| For what movie? | ||
| For The Godfather. | ||
| For The Godfather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Jimmy Kahn. | ||
| Jimmy. | ||
| So who wrote this list? | ||
| This is Coppola's list. | ||
| Coppola's list. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Corey Leone. | ||
| Marlon Brando, underlined. | ||
| He wanted Al Pacino badly. | ||
| He just did that movie about the... | ||
| Heroin or something. | ||
| And they didn't want him. | ||
| The studio didn't want him? | ||
| No, the studio didn't want him. | ||
| He wanted him, but the studio didn't want him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So fucking John Saxon was going to play Sonny Corleone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would have been terrible. | |
| John Saxon from Enter the Dragon? | ||
| Enter the Dragon, yeah. | ||
| That guy was a good actor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Robert Duvall for Tom Haley. | ||
| Look at that list. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, there's some movies that just, even today, if you try to watch them, they're phenomenal. | ||
| That's one of them. | ||
| This one's one of them. | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| This one's one of them. | ||
| Don't watch the one with the brought back footage, though. | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| The one that HBO released. | ||
| I don't like Sonny. | ||
| You could tell how bad James Connors is an actor then. | ||
| Oh, it's brutal. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| Have you seen the eight hour one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| On HBO where they put them all together? | ||
| No. | ||
| They put them all together and they put all the pieces back in. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But you got to have a lot of time. | ||
| Eight hours? | ||
| Yeah, it's like six hours. | ||
| Who's got time for that? | ||
| You break it up into two-hour segments. | ||
| But it's pretty interesting. | ||
| It shows you what really happened with the father in him. | ||
| Like the father would just torture Michael. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| How's that little white girlfriend doing? | ||
| Hysterical. | ||
| There's a scene in the hospital where he pulls him over and goes, how's that little white piece of ass doing and shit? | ||
| Did you tell her? | ||
| And then he, like, how's those medals? | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Shooting people? | ||
| He's shooting strangers and shit. | ||
| And then they go into, it opens up with them at the wedding, and they go from the wedding to the hospital to see the guy, the originally Consul of the Eddie, and you gotta see that scene. | ||
| The dude is sitting there, and Brando walks in, and he's like, Godfather, hold my hand. | ||
| The Reaper's gonna come, but if he sees you, he'll be scared. | ||
| Like, that's how fucking much they love the Godfather. | ||
| And then he goes, listen, I'm here with my four sons. | ||
| He ain't gonna bother you. | ||
| I'm here with your sons. | ||
| I'm here with my sons to pay their respects to you. | ||
| He ain't gonna bother you. | ||
| It shows all that shit. | ||
| The guy that blew up his wife in Sicily, it shows him getting him in Buffalo now. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| They put that back in? | ||
| Yeah, he owns a pizza parlor and he gets in the car and they blow him up. | ||
| They show all that shit. | ||
| So who cut that stuff out? | ||
| The studio or the director? | ||
| The studio, I think. | ||
| The studio. | ||
| It was too long? | ||
| You know, don't quote me on that. | ||
| Maybe the studio, maybe the director. | ||
| But James Caan's scenes are just not too bueno. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| You can see he doesn't. | ||
| But Michael's fucking tough. | ||
| Michael, Salazzo, all those dudes. | ||
| That's when directing was directing. | ||
| If you've ever done anything bad, In your life, if you've ever done anything bad, when you do something bad, you know your ears ring. | ||
| Your ears ring? | ||
| Oh, when your adrenaline's off the charts, when you're hiding in a bush, and somebody's coming towards you, and you gotta hit them with that stick, you have no idea what happens to you. | ||
| You have no idea, Joe Rogan. | ||
| That's why I've always loved The Godfather, all those type of movies, because when he comes out of the bathroom, you hear the train screeching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gee! | |
| Right. | ||
| But that's what you hear. | ||
| When your heart's pumping, bro, when your heart's pumping... | ||
| I'm just talking about hitting somebody in the head with a stick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Never mind having to come out of a restaurant with a gun and shooting two people. | ||
| I can't imagine where your heart goes. | ||
| Where do you just get up and shoot people? | ||
| Your heart beats, that adrenaline's going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You fucking... | ||
| You don't hear nothing. | ||
| Like, when I used to rob houses or rob drug dealers, I can't hear nothing. | ||
| You just go under, bro. | ||
| You just go under. | ||
| Your heart takes fucking over. | ||
| You know, I had this... | ||
| I forgot about this. | ||
| I had this... | ||
| When I was 19, I was an electrician. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| In Aspen? | ||
| Yeah, he told me. | ||
| And there was a dude that used to break my balls all the time. | ||
| Like, say stupid things for me. | ||
| He would always go, there's two things about you I don't like. | ||
| You're Cuban and you're from the East Coast. | ||
| So I always knew me and this guy were going to have a little fucking problem. | ||
| I was 19. He was a little older than me. | ||
| I always knew me and this motherfucker were going to have a problem. | ||
| And he'd always say little things to me, go get my tools out of the bag. | ||
| And I'd always tell him, go get them yourself, bitch. | ||
| And I was kind of scared of the guy, but I knew me and him were going to battle one day. | ||
| And one day he said something to me and I told him to go fuck himself. | ||
| And when I came back from lunch, he put a box cutter to my throat. | ||
| He got me as I was coming in. | ||
| He threw me against the wall, and he had the box cutter on me. | ||
| I was bigger than him physically, and I knew I could fuck him up. | ||
| I was just scared. | ||
| I was a young kid. | ||
| I was not in my... | ||
| I was living in Basalt, Colorado. | ||
| You know, I was not on my turf with my friends. | ||
| But after he put that knife to my throat, I'll never forget that I fucking, like, when he stepped away, that thing came into my mind where if you pull your gun out, use it. | ||
| Like, that thing came out, that... | ||
| And I go, I'm going to fucking kill this guy. | ||
| I'm going to do something bad for this guy. | ||
| And I had a guy I used to shoot with that taught me how to shoot guns. | ||
| He was a Vietnam vet. | ||
| And on the weekends, I would give him money. | ||
| He'd teach me how to shoot everything. | ||
| ARs and fucking AK. He taught me. | ||
| He had every weapon. | ||
| He was just a Vietnam vet that lived in Aspen. | ||
| And I finally figured out why they put all those Vietnam vets around Aspen and Colorado. | ||
| Why? | ||
| NORAD! Yeah? | ||
| NORAD, so they could be ready to fucking rock. | ||
| I never thought about that. | ||
| You know, everybody thinks that if we get hit, we're gonna hit California and New York. | ||
| The most strategic place to hit would be NORAD, wouldn't it? | ||
| Because they control everything out of Colorado and under that fucking mountain. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Let's read up about it. | ||
| I don't know shit about that. | ||
| Yeah, like that was years ago. | ||
| They always said if we would get hit, we'd get hit Colorado first. | ||
| So what happened with you and the guy in the boxcar? | ||
| So me and the guy in the boxcar, I kept fucking, like, I was scared of this guy, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I was definitely scared of this guy. | ||
| But at that time, I wanted to kill my stepfather. | ||
| So I went to my friend, the guy that was teaching me how to shoot and shit, and I told him about what happened. | ||
| He goes, well, if you're thinking of shooting your stepfather, why don't you use this guy's practice? | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| If you're gonna go back to New Jersey and stalk your stepfather and shoot him, start with this guy. | ||
| Use him as fucking practice, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I was a little pussy. | ||
| I thought about it, but I don't like that the guy put a knife to my throat. | ||
| I fucking didn't like that Joe Rogan at all. | ||
| I said, I'm gonna get this guy. | ||
| So I was cool to him at work. | ||
| I let him go to work. | ||
| This went on. | ||
| I figured I'd get him over the holidays. | ||
| He was a boozer, and he went to this little bar in Carbondale all the time. | ||
| And I figured I'd get him down there, so I went to Fred. | ||
| I go, teach me everything I need to do to get this guy down. | ||
| And he goes, we're going to get you in and out of there as quick as possible. | ||
| And he's the first guy that ever taught me a hanger. | ||
| You whip somebody with a fucking hanger, it's all over. | ||
| You take the hanger, whip it, tape the other side, and just come out of the dark with a hanger. | ||
| They don't see nothing. | ||
| All they see is this. | ||
| That's all they see. | ||
| They don't see a fucking hanger. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And I'll never forget that I stalked this guy for like fucking a week, man. | ||
| And I finally fucking caught him. | ||
| Joe Rogan, you know I couldn't hear for like two days after I hit him with that anger? | ||
| So you beat him up with a hanger? | ||
| I beat him up with a hanger and a fucking fighting stick. | ||
| A fighting stick? | ||
| Like Kali? | ||
| Filipino Kali sticks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I took one of those, I put it in my jacket, and I whipped him with the hanger first, and he got out of his car, and then when he went down, I whipped him in the legs. | ||
| Dog, I pissed my pants. | ||
| I had shit in my ass. | ||
| Fear is a motherfucker. | ||
| Like, even when you're winning, fear is a motherfucker. | ||
| And I couldn't hear for two days after that. | ||
| And what happened to the dude? | ||
| Never came back to work. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I went back after the holidays thinking I was going to get arrested that day because I did it well. | ||
| I had the mask with the hose. | ||
| I did it perfectly. | ||
| I threw all the clothes away down in Glenwood Springs. | ||
| I got rid of everything. | ||
| You know me. | ||
| I had this teacher that taught me everything. | ||
| He goes, if you're going to have blood on your clothing, D and a sweat, get rid of everything. | ||
| So I had a bag in the car. | ||
| I went down valley and got through my clothes as I went down the 80s. | ||
| You ever go up and down 82? | ||
| If you go from Glenwood Springs up to Aspen, that's one of the worst roads in the country. | ||
| I just threw my clothes out of there. | ||
| If I was 18, 19, this guy had to be like 31, bro. | ||
| I could smell the fucking... | ||
| I was just whipping him at night with that... | ||
| Then I took the stick out and I hit him in the legs a few times. | ||
| And then I got close to him and I said, don't tell noise to nobody or I'll fucking come back and beat you again. | ||
| Because I didn't want him to hear my voice. | ||
| I went back after the holidays. | ||
| He never came back to work. | ||
| The guy sent somebody down to his house and never came back. | ||
| But I was so deaf. | ||
| Like, there's been a couple times that my hearing has been gone because of something bad that I've done. | ||
| And the fucking, my heartbeat and the adrenaline, all you hear is like a fucking beep. | ||
| Well, most people are just not used to that kind of confrontation, you know? | ||
| No, neither am I. Neither am I. Well, the average person, I mean... | ||
| I just couldn't let him get away with that, that little motherfucker. | ||
| You know, I just... | ||
| And you never saw him again after that? | ||
| Never saw him again. | ||
| Moved everything. | ||
| He moved? | ||
| I was shitting pickles for a couple weeks, because I told him to come get me. | ||
| Did he know it was you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I gave him like a three month window after the knife thing. | ||
| I wanted him to forget about it. | ||
| Like I was gonna do it the right way. | ||
| This is how you do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Can I imagine that was you at 19? | ||
| Like imagine. | ||
| There's points in your life where you go, was that even really me? | ||
| I mean, I know it was me because I have the memory of it. | ||
| I know it was my physical body back then. | ||
| But was it really me? | ||
| When I was trying to write the book, I would read those chapters. | ||
| I would read it two days later and I would have to stop Joe Rogan because it didn't stop. | ||
| Like, it didn't stop. | ||
| Like, when I was in high school, like, we went from robbing a gas station to my buddy losing $60,000. | ||
| Now we had to rob somebody to get the money. | ||
| Then I was on a flight to Sarasota, Florida. | ||
| And then the people, you know, when I was 18, I robbed a jewelry store. | ||
| And I had to go away. | ||
| I got a call one day, and they go, come back. | ||
| The guy got it all taken care of. | ||
| They didn't arrest you in 60 days, so he filed an insurance report. | ||
| Now they can't arrest you. | ||
| You know, like, I learned about all those things at a young age. | ||
| Like, what a scam. | ||
| So the guy knew I robbed him. | ||
| And then afterward, a friend of mine told me, he goes, yeah, I bumped into that guy at a Christmas party. | ||
| He was happy you robbed him. | ||
| He goes, he wanted you to rob him. | ||
| He just didn't want you to come back because then you'd get arrested and have to pay restitution. | ||
| What can I afford, $5 a week? | ||
| Right. | ||
| If he collects the insurance, he gets a big lump sum payment. | ||
| Plus, he could lie about what was in there. | ||
| So I was doing him a favor. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Fucking crazy what you learn, man. | ||
| What you learn as a fucking young... | ||
| I was fucked up, Joe Rowan. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that you got through it all, though? | ||
| That's the really crazy thing. | ||
| You got through it all pretty unscathed. | ||
| No. | ||
| Physically. | ||
| It cost me a couple years of my life. | ||
| It cost me my daughter. | ||
| It cost me a couple years of my life. | ||
| I remember my early daughter. | ||
| When you got arrested. | ||
| Well, I got arrested for the kidnapping. | ||
| Then I had the kid, and then I had my beef with him. | ||
| You know, I had the beef with him when he called me a spic, and I smacked him. | ||
| And I had two felonies already. | ||
| They were going to throw me in jail for fucking life. | ||
| Him being the guy that was dating your ex-wife. | ||
| Yeah, John was dating my ex-wife. | ||
| And when you have two felonies, one more, but he couldn't. | ||
| And the city, thank God for bouldering liberals. | ||
| Thank God for Boulder and liberals. | ||
| You can't use a racial slur inside the city limits of Boulder. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's illegal? | ||
| Because the University of Colorado, when that chick called J.J. Flanagan a nigga, and he smacked her, and he got away with it on Monday at court because she called her a nigga. | ||
| Who was that chick? | ||
| What was that story? | ||
| Some white chick was drunk, coming out of a fucking Pogo's, one of those 18 and over bars. | ||
| And she got into an argument with J.J. Flanagan on the corner. | ||
| You know, it was very racist. | ||
| J.J. Flanagan was a football player at the time from the University of Colorado. | ||
| Do you ever see that from like 89 to 93, they had a lot of problems in Colorado. | ||
| They were getting called criminals. | ||
| But what it was, it was just three black guys walking down, you know, fucking Boulder at 11 o'clock at night. | ||
| Cops pull over. | ||
| One of them says racism. | ||
| They get into a fight. | ||
| I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody was angels. | ||
| That fucking one linebacker they had, Canavis McGee, somebody called him a yarm one time, he punched him in the face so hard he broke the guy's eye socket. | ||
| That guy ended up going to the fucking New York Giants as a linebacker. | ||
| But that's how bad that cop problem with the college football players, it was that bad in Boulder at one time. | ||
| So when I went to court, and the guy goes, there's no charges here. | ||
| Even the cops wouldn't charge me. | ||
| They wrote me a summons to go to court, but they wouldn't charge me for smacking the fucking dude. | ||
| And right after that, I knew, you know what, man? | ||
| If I stay here, I'm going to go to jail. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| Number two, I really wanted to do comedy. | ||
| I really wanted to give comedy a shot. | ||
| You know, I was like, I got to give comedy a shot here. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| 32 years old. | ||
| I got on stage the first time, 1991. So how long is that? | ||
| 26 years? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 26 years. | ||
| So the first time. | ||
| I dicked around for the first two years, but like by 93, I got really serious about it. | ||
| So when I went back to be a dad, I was really serious about that. | ||
| I had a good job, but they kept fucking with me. | ||
| But that one day when he called me a spick and I smacked him, that changed everything. | ||
| I was like, that's never going to be the same. | ||
| I saw my little girl crying. | ||
| She didn't grow up in that. | ||
| I grew up in that world where people were getting smacked. | ||
| She didn't grow up in that. | ||
| So I just said, listen, I'm never going to win this fucking war. | ||
| This is going to be a war that I'm going to either end up in jail or something good. | ||
| I'm going to kill one of these fucks. | ||
| I might as well give comedy a shot. | ||
| What do I have to lose? | ||
| It's just crazy to think that that was your option. | ||
| And then think about all the shit that you've been through now. | ||
| Like, thinking of yourself back then, you know? | ||
| I mean, when you think about today, like, your life with your little daughter and your wife and, you know, doing podcasts and doing all these shows everywhere, and then just thinking, like, holding someone hostage, kidnapping them, robbing a drug deal with a machine gun. | ||
| I mean, just think that was you. | ||
| It's weird because that's not you. | ||
| You are you right now. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| But you have these memories of things that you did. | ||
| I used a weapon like four times to bust into drug dealers' houses. | ||
| You know the things that could have happened, man? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| And then the other times I would just rob him just because of who I was. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| What are you going to do to me? | ||
| I'm just going to rob you. | ||
| Think about that guy that pulled the knife on you. | ||
| What if after you beat him, he came back and tried to get you and then escalated and the next thing you know, he stabbed him or he shot him or easily you could have murdered somebody. | ||
| I was so confused at that time. | ||
| You're 19. 19. Everybody's confused at 19, but 19 and been through the shit that you've been through? | ||
| Not as confused as I was. | ||
| I was really fucking confused. | ||
| So I was, you know, from, I think, till 20-something, I wanted to kill my stepdad. | ||
| And that was all that was- Why? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That was all that was getting consumed with me. | ||
| Like, that was my consumption. | ||
| Like, the pain I was going through without my mom, the drugs, and killing my stepdad. | ||
| Well, why your stepdad? | ||
| What was it about him? | ||
| My mom died without a will. | ||
| My mom didn't leave a will, so he took all the money, all the jewelry. | ||
| He didn't give me a piece. | ||
| I didn't collect Social Security. | ||
| My real father died. | ||
| My real father was the first Cuban committee man in Union City. | ||
| And he was doing coke in 1966. And somebody gave him a package, and it was pure heroin. | ||
| He did a line of that, and he died. | ||
| They took him to the hospital, and they never signed a death certificate in Union City, New Jersey. | ||
| So they forced my mother to take him back to Cuba in 1967. My mom had to take my dad. | ||
| My dad's buried in Cuba. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| My dad got an insurance policy and the coroner never signed the death certificate. | ||
| So I never got that prudential insurance. | ||
| Plus my mom owned property where Miami Airport is. | ||
| My mom had that property with two of her drug partners where that fucking thing was. | ||
| And I didn't get my cut from that, so I wanted to kill the guy. | ||
| So for years, that was my whole thing. | ||
| You know, when I went to Colorado and hooked up with Fred, he taught me how to shoot and how to fucking, you know, shoot a fucking rifle and measure distance and all that shit they do on TV. That was me. | ||
| What did your stepdad say? | ||
| Did you ever talk to him? | ||
| We ended up talking and shit. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| He was the type of person he was, and I wasn't gonna get shit. | ||
| And after a while, I accepted it. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm putting too much stock into this. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| I'm going to go make my own money. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Sometimes we get stuck and I'm happy I didn't get no money because I wouldn't have been the person I am today. | ||
| I'm happy I didn't get any money. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| That's one of the worst things you can do is win the lottery or get a big inheritance. | ||
| You would think getting a big inheritance would be amazing for you. | ||
| It's one of the worst things that can happen. | ||
| In terms of like your ambition, if you're in the middle of doing something, you got some ideas, or maybe you don't know what you want to do, and you need to find something, you're hungry, and all of a sudden you just get a giant chunk of money, and now you're buying things, and your ambition's gone. | ||
| You don't know what to do. | ||
| I don't mind giving somebody startup money. | ||
| You have to give your child some type of startup money. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| But I'm talking about winning the lottery. | ||
| People win the lottery, it's like there's a giant percentage of them that ruin their life. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| Like, they've done all these studies on people winning the lottery. | ||
| So what is it? | ||
| Because I'm giving you a bunch of money. | ||
| You didn't earn it. | ||
| Like, I'm giving you a bunch of money. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Like, think about you and all the money that you've earned in your life. | ||
| You've earned it. | ||
| You do all these shows. | ||
| You've built up a successful stand-up career. | ||
| You've built up a successful podcast. | ||
| You've done a lot of film and TV. You've worked. | ||
| You've worked. | ||
| You've gathered up and you make a good living now. | ||
| But this is all from work. | ||
| There's a build-up to it. | ||
| It makes sense in your head. | ||
| There's an effort. | ||
| There's a reward for that effort. | ||
| There's motivation. | ||
| There's discipline. | ||
| There's focus. | ||
| And then there's a payoff for all that. | ||
| If you just get the payoff with no discipline, no focus, no lessons learned, it's just not a healthy way to exist. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| That's why rich kids are so fucked up. | ||
| Rich kids that grow up with trust funds are all fucked, not all of them, a giant percentage of them are fucked up. | ||
| I knew a guy who was a rich guy, and his parents were fucking billionaires, and he grew up with two trust funds. | ||
| He burned through his first trust fund, fucked that up, and then they had a backup trust fund for him. | ||
| He was buying houses and flipping them and losing money and investing in businesses and they all went under. | ||
| He had no discipline, no understanding of what money really was, and no hunger. | ||
| Because he never had a time in his life when he was poor. | ||
| He never had a time in his life where he was worried about paying the bills. | ||
| And if you don't have that, and you don't have that real motivation, I just don't think you ever really appreciate success. | ||
| The people I think that appreciate success are the people that worked for it. | ||
| What you could remember back when you were poor. | ||
| I've had people say to me, like, why do you do so many jobs? | ||
| Why do you have so many things you do? | ||
| Why do you keep moving? | ||
| Why do you do so much? | ||
| Because I remember being scared. | ||
| I remember being broke. | ||
| I remember having no idea where the fuck the money was coming from or what my future was going to be. | ||
| And I was always terrified of being a loser. | ||
| That's that feeling of not succeeding. | ||
| Is what motivates you. | ||
| Knowing that you've failed in the past and that, you know, there's been many times where, like, how many times have you bombed and you get off stage and you're like, I can't do this. | ||
| I'm not a comedian. | ||
| I'm fucking terrible. | ||
| Like, I gotta figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. | ||
| If you don't go through those things, if you don't have those experiences, if you don't have those moments in your life Where you're unsure of the future. | ||
| You're not going to have the real resolve that it takes to make it. | ||
| The grit and determination that it takes to move forward. | ||
| And if you don't have that, any success that you do have, you're not going to appreciate. | ||
| Nothing comes easy. | ||
| And if it does come easy, you don't have it. | ||
| You don't really have it. | ||
| Nothing comes easy. | ||
| So funny how I would never stick with jiu-jitsu if it wasn't for stand-up. | ||
| I would have quit jiu-jitsu after the third time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because it's so hard. | |
| Because I would have thought I wouldn't be able to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once you try something, you're like, I can't do this. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| But how fucking scary? | ||
| How weird is it that you and I chose a career that basically for the first two years we're not going to get a dime? | ||
| Not a dime. | ||
| And no certainty at all. | ||
| And nobody understands that. | ||
| Nobody understands that, that you're not going to get a fucking job at all. | ||
| Not only that, there's no pathway. | ||
| It's like if you want to be a doctor, you go to college, you get a degree, you go to medical school, you do your residency, there's a pathway. | ||
| The pathway is hard work. | ||
| It's very difficult to do. | ||
| Not everyone's going to get through it successfully, but at least there's a pathway. | ||
| What the fuck is the pathway for being a successful comedian? | ||
| Your pathway is different than mine. | ||
| Mine's different than Duncan's or Ari's. | ||
| We all have different pathways. | ||
| We all have different styles. | ||
| We all have different points of view. | ||
| We all have different ways we deliver material. | ||
| We all have different ways of writing. | ||
| No one can tell you what to do. | ||
| When you first got into this, did you think of any success? | ||
| Honestly. | ||
| What did you think the outcome was going to be? | ||
| Because for me, I thought that I was just going to be a rogue comic, and if I was an extra in a movie, that would be the best it would get for me. | ||
| That's the honest truth. | ||
| You know, Fitzsimmons and I were talking about this recently because Fitzsimmons and I started out exactly at the same time. | ||
| Our number one goal was being a professional. | ||
| Like getting paid. | ||
| Not having a day job. | ||
| That was the goal. | ||
| Being able to pay your bills. | ||
| That was my goal. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Not having a day job. | ||
| I didn't care if I made $80,000 or $200,000. | ||
| No! | ||
| No, there was no number. | ||
| There was no, like, I want to buy a mansion or I want to buy a Ferrari. | ||
| I just wanted to be happy. | ||
| I wanted to be happy. | ||
| I didn't want a day job. | ||
| And I knew one other thing. | ||
| When I got in that car in June of 95, and I got on 30th Street in Boulder, and I headed out on Iris. | ||
| There's a gas station there. | ||
| I left on a thing of a triple run. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| That's where you left Colorado? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tell people what Tribble is. | ||
| Alright, I met a girl in Michigan that was nasty, hot little dirty stripper. | ||
| White girl? | ||
| White girl, Carola. | ||
| And then she came to Colorado, threw me a little dose of that monkey, got me all crazy, and then she went to Seattle. | ||
| I was having so many problems in Denver that there was no... | ||
| Listen, I love my little girl. | ||
| I believed that I could have been a good dad. | ||
| It just wasn't going to work. | ||
| It just wasn't going to work. | ||
| This was not going to end good. | ||
| And all I kept seeing was that picture of Mickey Rourke at the end of fucking Angel Heart when he's sitting there smoking a cigarette with a razor in his hand, blood all over him. | ||
| That's all I kept thinking about. | ||
| I go, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to go to Seattle for the summer, hang out with this broad. | ||
| But in my heart, I knew I wasn't going to come back. | ||
| I knew I wasn't going to come back so much that I had two licenses. | ||
| You know how you lose a license, and then one day you find it, and by that time you already got a license? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I must have had like $69 on me when I left Bolden. | ||
| I had to get to Ogden, Utah. | ||
| That was my first road gig ever for David Tribble. | ||
| Ogden, Utah. | ||
| I think it was like a 10-hour drive, maybe longer. | ||
| How long had you been doing stand-up? | ||
| At that point... | ||
| Two years. | ||
| So you started in Denver? | ||
| I started in 91, and now it was 95. But you gotta remember, from 91 to 93, I was a part-time comic. | ||
| I sold Valiums. | ||
| You wanna buy coke? | ||
| Meet me at the broker. | ||
| I'll sell you coke when I'm doing ten minutes. | ||
| I didn't write. | ||
| I didn't really know anything about comic. | ||
| I just knew I wanted to be a comic. | ||
| I had a business card, and I told people I was gonna be a comedian. | ||
| I was just lying. | ||
| But then I did a stint in New York for nine months. | ||
| In 93 and that's where I really got a hint. | ||
| I took a stand-up comedy class. | ||
| You ready for this? | ||
| The guy took the stand-up comedy class in New York Comedy Club in 1993. I trained with him now in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Moved to Boulder. | ||
| He's a comedy writer in town. | ||
| First couple times I went in there, he's my age, so we're both old as fuck. | ||
| I think he's two years older than me. | ||
| He's got white hair. | ||
| And one day I go, he kept calling himself Frank. | ||
| Frank, Frank, Frank. | ||
| And I'm on top of him. | ||
| And I go, you're fucking Lee Frank! | ||
| I took your writing course. | ||
| I never forgot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You realize why you were rolling with him? | ||
| While I was rolling with him. | ||
| Then he told me he's friends with you. | ||
| He opened for you at the Treehouse. | ||
| In Greenery or something. | ||
| Oh, in Connecticut? | ||
| Yeah, he worked with you up there. | ||
| So now we're tight. | ||
| Now if I see him in jiu-jitsu, we talk about comedy. | ||
| So when I took his stand-up comedy class, that's when it hit. | ||
| Because he said something that hit home. | ||
| He goes, stand-up comedy is how your world collides with the rest of the world. | ||
| Plain and simple. | ||
| And I took that home and I thought about it and I'm like, fuck it, it makes sense. | ||
| And then a week later I went into your old triple N. Remember your old Triple N? Where's that? | ||
| Your old Triple N is a fucking dive that used to do an open mic from midnight to four in the morning in like Alcoholville. | ||
| Where's alcohol, Bill? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Can you look it up for me? | ||
| It's online, but it's closed. | ||
| What place is it, though? | ||
| It's in Manhattan. | ||
| It's not there anymore. | ||
| You'll see it. | ||
| Yeah, old Triple Inn. | ||
| They did open mics there. | ||
| Just people falling asleep. | ||
| You know, you went in there at 12. Like, I would drive a limo then. | ||
| So I would get there at quarter to 12, sign my name up, and the guy would go three hours. | ||
| I gotta come back in three hours, Joe. | ||
| It's midnight. | ||
| So I would take the limo, go to Harlem, buy a package of Coke, maybe buy a reefer, and then I would go there and do my last spot for the night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| The old triple N. Wow, look at that place. | ||
| Look at this place. | ||
| They had an open mic there? | ||
| From 12 to 4 in the morning. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| So I go in there. | ||
| 12 p.m. | ||
| to 4 a.m. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| This is 1993. I got nothing going on. | ||
| I'm depressed. | ||
| I'm driving a limo. | ||
| I'm snorting coke every night. | ||
| I'm living in a little cot and I go in there one night. | ||
| Who's in there, bro? | ||
| But John Leguizamo. | ||
| And he's on stage just talking. | ||
| But when I was sitting there watching him, bro, I noticed something. | ||
| That there was eight people in the audience. | ||
| But in his world, it was Madison Square Garden. | ||
| Like, he didn't give a fuck, Joe. | ||
| It's like when you do the comedy store late and there's six people. | ||
| And you get off and people are like, that was great, bro. | ||
| Sure it was great. | ||
| Because I had made believe I was at the garden. | ||
| If you think about six people at the store, you're not going to be you. | ||
| You can't think about it that way. | ||
| You know when Paul Mooney... | ||
| Paul Mooney always intimidated the shit out of me. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Because I always knew that he was a writer for Pryor, and he was like the elder statesman of the Comedy Store back in 94 when I first started there. | ||
| I always had this feeling around him, like I was always nervous around him. | ||
| And when I first started there, I was this young white guy in my 20s. | ||
| I wasn't very good. | ||
| I didn't get any respect from him. | ||
| And then one day... | ||
| He saw me doing a late night spot, like 1 o'clock in the morning, and there was only like fucking 15, 20 people in the audience, but I was just doing my best. | ||
| I was doing it, and I heard in the back of the room, ah-ha! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah-ha! | |
| He was laughing. | ||
| He was laughing at my shit. | ||
| And then I got off stage and he came up to me after the show and he goes, he goes, you are a real comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, you did that show like it was a packed motherfucking room. | |
| That's it! | ||
| And he goes, and you killed those people. | ||
| He goes, you killed those people. | ||
| He goes, you are a real motherfucking comic. | ||
| And he walked away. | ||
| And I remember feeling so good. | ||
| Like, I can't believe Paul Mooney just gave me a compliment. | ||
| Like, he told me I was a real comic. | ||
| Like, I was in. | ||
| And then ever since then, give me hugs every time he saw me. | ||
| And it's just like, you get that pat on the back, that thumbs up from someone who you respect. | ||
| That means the world, man. | ||
| That's gigantic. | ||
| That's so huge. | ||
| I mean, when someone does that to you, just the wind in your sails, it just can take you to a totally different place because you got the stamp. | ||
| You got a stamp of approval from someone who's real. | ||
| I'll never forget that I didn't know the power of the comedy store. | ||
| I read about it and I heard about it from you and other people. | ||
| I did Miami with Mooney. | ||
| We're at the improv. | ||
| We're at the improv. | ||
| This has to be... | ||
| Oh, baby. | ||
| 2003, 2004. And I opened for him. | ||
| It's a two-man show. | ||
| It's just me and him at the Miami Improv. | ||
| And I'm on stage, and I just happen to catch a fucking energy thing where you're just killing. | ||
| Well, you used to crush there because you would do half your punchlines in Spanish. | ||
| I'm killing them. | ||
| But I'm being dirty, and I hear the door open. | ||
| And Paul Mooney, I could see him walking in, and he looks at me, and I'm killing. | ||
| Like, I'm having a good set. | ||
| He's killing me, looking at me, and he went out in the hallway, bro, and the door was open, and he kept yelling to the staff. | ||
| Look at him! | ||
| I'm like, fuck, maybe I'm being too dirty. | ||
| Maybe he's gonna complain about me. | ||
| How can Paul Mooney complain about me? | ||
| Tell me this isn't true. | ||
| I've known him from the store for five fucking years. | ||
| Tell me he's not out there going, I'm too dirty and shit. | ||
| Bro, when I got out there, he hugged me when he came up. | ||
| Keep it going one more time for my little brother. | ||
| I got off the stage and I go, what happened out here? | ||
| He goes, he was back there yelling, fuck the fucking improvs. | ||
| You know who taught him how to be like that? | ||
| That's Mitchie Shaw, motherfucker. | ||
| That's the comedy store. | ||
| He was back there yelling, that's the comedy store. | ||
| You improvs, you don't develop dick. | ||
| That's the comedy. | ||
| You listen to that? | ||
| That's the comedy store. | ||
| That's what happens when you hang out at the comedy store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why that little fat motherfucker is killing up there and shit. | |
| Because that's the fucking comedy store. | ||
| And that, you know, you're right. | ||
| That feels tremendous when fucking he's in your corner. | ||
| It feels great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was something special. | ||
| He would own the room, too. | ||
| Paul Mooney would sit down. | ||
| It didn't matter what time he went up. | ||
| It didn't matter how many people in the audience. | ||
| He would sit down. | ||
| He had a little tiny bottle of champagne. | ||
| And he would take his fucking time. | ||
| He would take his time. | ||
| I learned so much from him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How to control a room. | ||
| Not control a room meaning like you're a control freak, but how to get everybody to pay attention and lock into your thoughts. | ||
| He didn't try to do a song and a dance for people. | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at me, look at me, look at me. | ||
| He would just command presence with excellence. | ||
| His material was excellent. | ||
| His delivery was excellent. | ||
| He was calm and composed. | ||
| And you just always felt like you were trying too hard. | ||
| When you would watch him, you'd be like, I gotta figure out a way to do what he's doing. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That's what he did teach. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck, but he legitimately didn't give a fuck. | ||
| And boy, that guy got stole from a lot. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Mencia used to steal all his shit, switch out the word nigger, put in the word Mexican, switch it up about Star Wars and about this and about that. | ||
| And you would see the difference, because Mooney would go on after Mencia, too. | ||
| Like, Mencia would go on before him and do his shit, and then Mooney would go on afterward. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Just did his shit. | ||
| But he knew it. | ||
| He would be very frustrated by it. | ||
| You know, he was a big influence to a lot of us that got to see and watch him. | ||
| Because we all knew his history. | ||
| I mean, he was one of the head writers for arguably the greatest comedian of all time. | ||
| You know, I mean, he was one of the big guys. | ||
| Is that how you feel? | ||
| Yeah, Richard Pryor. | ||
| You don't think there's... | ||
| I feel it too, but there's a big argument. | ||
|
unidentified
|
About who? | |
| People always want to start an argument with the other dude. | ||
| Who? | ||
| The one who had all those specials. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| I can't think of his name. | ||
| George Carlin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I give the nod to Richard Pryor. | ||
| Not just a nod. | ||
| To me, it's clear. | ||
| It's clear as day. | ||
| This is not a knock on George Carlin, who's a great comedian. | ||
| He's a great comedian. | ||
| George Carlin, to me, was more of a social spokesman. | ||
| Like, he was a social commentator. | ||
| And he was a very great comedian as well. | ||
| He had some funny material, for sure. | ||
| But George Carlin did a special every year. | ||
| Every year he did a special. | ||
| And I think, you know, his body of work is certainly larger than anybody else's. | ||
| And he's certainly one of the all-time greats. | ||
| But to me, there was something about Pryor that was just so special and unique and powerful and just resonated, man. | ||
| I'll never forget listening to his stuff when I was a little kid. | ||
| Me and my girlfriend in high school, I think I was like 16 and she was 15. And we were in my room listening to Richard Pryor on a cassette and just crying, laughing, sitting on my bed laughing and laughing. | ||
| And I'll never forget. | ||
| I'll never forget going to see him. | ||
| My parents took me to see live on the Sunset Strip when I was like 14 or 13 or something like that. | ||
| I'll never forget being in that movie theater laughing so fucking hard. | ||
| And looking around at people like rocking back and forth on their chairs. | ||
| And all I remember thinking is, I can't believe this guy's just talking. | ||
| Like, I'd seen all these amazing movies like, you know, Back to School or Stripes or, you know, name the comedy movies that you've seen all these years. | ||
| I saw all these comedy movies that were great and funny, but they were never this funny. | ||
| Like, this guy's just talking. | ||
| I'm like, this has got to be the funniest shit of all time. | ||
| And he's just talking. | ||
| And especially when... | ||
| Yes, this is 82. Okay, so I guess I was 15. So I was 14 or 15. That's when it came out, was 82? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I was 15. So watching this as a teenager, it planted the seed in my head like, holy shit. | ||
| Like, how is it possible that this guy can do this? | ||
| That he can just talk? | ||
| And that talking... | ||
| And just explaining your life experiences could be so hilarious. | ||
| That's the seed that was planted in my head. | ||
| I mean, I never thought I was going to be a comedian. | ||
| I never had any aspirations. | ||
| You know my friend Dr. Steve, Steve Graham? | ||
| Yes, he just called me. | ||
| We just communicate after a year. | ||
| He's still one of my best friends to this day and will be to the day I die. | ||
| Because that guy is the guy who talked me into doing comedy. | ||
| I was training. | ||
| That's when I was competing. | ||
| And I just loved comedy as a thing. | ||
| I just loved comedy. | ||
| And I would always make fun of people and do impressions of people having sex, like our friends. | ||
| I would just try to make everybody laugh. | ||
| When we were all gathered around in the locker room, everybody would be nervous before sparring or... | ||
| Everybody would be nervous when we're on our way to fights and tournaments and stuff like that. | ||
| I would be the guy who made everybody laugh. | ||
| And he pulled me aside. | ||
| And he just said, you could be a comedian. | ||
| Like, you're really funny. | ||
| He's like, you could really do this. | ||
| And I said, I remember saying, you think I'm funny because you like me. | ||
| I go, other people are going to think I'm an asshole. | ||
| I say fucked up things. | ||
| Like, I say fucked up things because I'm around all these savages. | ||
| You know, I'm around, like, Leroy Rodriguez, and I had a friend named Major Battle. | ||
| That was his name. | ||
| His real name was Major Battle. | ||
| He was one of J. Kim's black belts. | ||
| Larry Jones all these guys were savages and they were just Fighters, you know and so I could say fucked up things around them because they were used to kicking people in the head and they were used to fighting in tournaments and Taking you know taking bus trips to go kick the shit out of people. | ||
| I mean that was what they did That's what everybody did back then so the way I felt about it was like I'm making a group of very crazy people laugh like these are like we're all misfits and You know, we were all like people that didn't fit in in a normal world because we were just fighting. | ||
| And I'm like, they'll laugh because they're crazy. | ||
| And they're punching people and kicking people and this is a different world. | ||
| I'm like, other people are not going to think I'm funny. | ||
| But he talked me into it. | ||
| And so from there, I started writing some stuff down. | ||
| I waited about six months until I turned 21. I went to an open mic. | ||
| And then after I turned 21, like maybe, what is it, 16 days later, I went on stage. | ||
| I turned 21 August 11, 1988. And then August 27th, I went on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But that was just 100% someone telling me to do it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I always loved it. | ||
| I used to watch Evening at the Improv, and I would always watch stand-up on The Tonight Show. | ||
| But I just loved it the way I like music now. | ||
| I love watching music and listening to music. | ||
| I don't have any talent. | ||
| I don't have any aspirations, but I just love music. | ||
| To me, it does something to me. | ||
| It makes me feel good. | ||
| I'm a fan of it. | ||
| I'm a fan of a lot of shit that I'll never do. | ||
| But stand-up, it was just one of those things. | ||
| I just loved doing it. | ||
| And I would... | ||
| It would just be my number one source of release as far as entertainment. | ||
| It's funny that you say that about words. | ||
| Because for me, I was listening to the Beatles with my buddy. | ||
| And he had an older brother that was a junkie. | ||
| That's how I discovered Richard Pryor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| And we were listening to the Beatles like, I want to hold your hand. | ||
| And we're like, this is cool. | ||
| And his brother came up and said, what the fuck are you faggots listening to me? | ||
| And we're like, we're listening to the Beatles. | ||
| You know, we're all excited. | ||
| And he's like, take that shit off. | ||
| And he took this album cover out with a black dude on it. | ||
| And all of a sudden he puts it on. | ||
| I hear this fucking laughter. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? | ||
| All of a sudden, coming to the stage, you know, Richard Pryor. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| And after that first side, I was done. | ||
| Like, once I heard the Wino Meets Dracula on Is It Something I Said, that's what I... That was my... | ||
| I don't know what album, if it's The Niggas Crazy or Wino Meets Dracula. | ||
| I don't know what album exactly... | ||
| Wino Meets Dracula. | ||
| Is It Something I Said or The Niggas Crazy? | ||
| Those are the two albums. | ||
| I don't know which one. | ||
| When I heard the last cut on it, which is The Wino Meets Dracula, I was hooked. | ||
| I left there. | ||
| I bought the album. | ||
| I brought it home. | ||
| Then I bought Bicentennial Nigger. | ||
| And there's a friend of mine, Ray Canella, who I still talk to. | ||
| He was a VP of Sci-Fi. | ||
| And he goes, do you still remember coming home to my house in the sixth grade and your mother catching this, listening to his mother? | ||
| And I wasn't allowed in their house. | ||
| He goes, don't you remember that shit? | ||
| We used to have a band. | ||
| I used to be a singer in this band in the sixth grade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| You had a band in the sixth grade? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| Me, Ray Canelo, Dean LaPreet, and John Bender. | ||
| What kind of music? | ||
| The Beatles. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The Beatles. | ||
| I want to hold your hand, help. | ||
| I need somebody help. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That nigger's crazy. | ||
| Look at the title. | ||
| They put like an asterisk where the I is. | ||
| Like, what the fuck is wrong with people? | ||
| But meanwhile, it says it on the album. | ||
| Like, they have the picture where you see him on the album and it says N-I-G-G-E-R, but then they have the actual title for sale. | ||
| What's the website? | ||
| This was dustygroove.com. | ||
| Oh, that's an LP. You can get that in vinyl. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at that face, too. | ||
| He was young then. | ||
| Man, he was like in his 30s. | ||
| God, he was good. | ||
| See, to me, it's like I have... | ||
| This is my version of my evolutionary chart of comedy. | ||
| I think the guy who started it all off is Lenny Bruce. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| So I have Lenny Bruce... | ||
| Posters framed on my wall. | ||
| I mean, like, I just feel like I don't like I don't enjoy watching him or listening to him as much because I don't think he was as good today. | ||
| Because I think that the culture was so different back then that it's not it's very difficult for us to to sink. | ||
| Like the things that he's saying are not groundbreaking today because he already broke that ground. | ||
| And then the culture shifted with it. | ||
| I mean, it's not just him, but a lot of other people, a lot of other authors and politicians, all these different people broke different ground and cultures evolved since then. | ||
| But I think Richard Pryor took what he did in the honesty that Lenny Bruce exhibited on stage and he brought it to the next level. | ||
| You know, he took it to a new place. | ||
| And I think that happens a lot when people are influenced by other people. | ||
| I think that's one of the things that's really important, the distinction between being influenced and stealing, you know? | ||
| I think we all influence each other. | ||
| And I know you guys influence me. | ||
| Like Ari and Duncan and you and all of us together. | ||
| You know, Tom, Bert. | ||
| We influence each other in that we inspire each other. | ||
| And that when you see someone do really good stuff, like you want to do more. | ||
| Burr does it to me. | ||
| You know, Louis. | ||
| You see someone doing really with Chappelle. | ||
| You see really good comedy. | ||
| You want to do more really good comedy. | ||
| And everyone's sort of influencing everybody. | ||
| So I think that honesty that Lenny Bruce expressed was so unique for the time that there was no one had ever done any sort of social commentary in a comedy form the way that Lenny had done. | ||
| And then Richard Pryor took it and just blew it out of the water. | ||
| I mean, Richard Pryor was raised in a brothel. | ||
| He was raised in a brothel, Joe. | ||
| He was raised in a whorehouse in Peoria, Illinois. | ||
| I mean, Richard Pryor was experiencing life in a different way. | ||
| You know, and all his experiences with drugs and craziness and wild people growing up and then... | ||
| You know, the comedy of the time shifting from the 60s into the 70s, it became this thing that he was at the forefront of. | ||
| And in my opinion, he's like the most revolutionary figure in all of comedy. | ||
| He was just so different and so unique and so polished, you know? | ||
| I remember I was a... | ||
| I was living with my roommates in like, I guess it was like 87 or something like that. | ||
| We had this place in Revere. | ||
| We were all living together. | ||
| Was it Malden? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Malden? | |
| Where the fuck we were. | ||
| We were living in, oh no, it was Lynn. | ||
| Lynn, Massachusetts, near the beach. | ||
| And we all watched a Sam Kinison special, which was hilarious. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| But then we watched prior, after we watched Kinison, and we were like, what? | ||
| Like, look how much smoother Pryor is. | ||
| Like, that's what I remember thinking. | ||
| And I remember my friend Billy goes, look how much more, like, polished he is. | ||
| I'm like, that's the word, right? | ||
| It's like, polished. | ||
| He's like, yeah, he's like, smoother. | ||
| He was smoother. | ||
| He just had a different sort of style, whereas Kinnison was just, Kinnison was just kickstarting everything and just fucking knocking down the doors. | ||
| No, this guy, you didn't see him coming. | ||
| But Lenny, what's his name? | ||
| What's the first guy you like? | ||
| Lenny Bruce. | ||
| I like Lenny Bruce. | ||
| I don't think his material is outrageous, but I like this cadence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| So I told the guy, listen. | ||
| He's got some jokes that hold up. | ||
| Listen, chap, you know, you've got to come back in a little while. | ||
| See, because he said the word snap. | ||
| I don't know if you know the word snap. | ||
| See, snap is a great word because I love all that. | ||
| And I like how they shot his specials. | ||
| I like how they shot him. | ||
| I like that black and white shit. | ||
| Somebody just gave me, and one of the towns gave me him live from Carnegie Hall. | ||
| It's got, you know, it's an hour album. | ||
| After a while you sit there, you go, should I shoot myself? | ||
| But there's a couple pieces in there where you see it, man. | ||
| I read that book, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's a book that pushed me over. | ||
| That's a great book. | ||
| The one about the hotel in New York and how he did jazz music, shooting heroin all day, hanging out with strippers. | ||
| Putting aluminum foil on the windows. | ||
| On the windows. | ||
| Yeah, I have a copy of that, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I love all this shit. | ||
| I love all this shit. | ||
| That's what made me become a stand-up. | ||
| Give me some volume, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, baby! | |
| Boy, my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. | ||
| She's the lowest, though. | ||
| I really put her down. | ||
| No, no, I really miss her. | ||
| I don't want some sharp chick that can coat Kerouac and walk with boys. | ||
| I just want to hear my old lady say, get up and fix the sink. | ||
| It's still making noise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All alone. | |
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| This is comedy. | ||
| He was just doing weird shit back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He has a joke today that still holds up about gay people. | |
| He goes, Dig, homosexuals, they lock him up in jail for being gay, where they put him in there with a bunch of men who want to have sex with him. | ||
| Give us some volume on this. | ||
| Will Elizabeth Taylor become bar mitzvahed? | ||
| No, I promise continuity I'll behave myself. | ||
| I'll do all the lines we rehearsed, you know. | ||
| That's the thing, you know, I have a reputation for being sort of controversial and irreverent and also the semantic bear trap of bad taste. | ||
| And actually, I do have, and I will always be accused of bad taste by the people who eat in restaurant service, you know, that kind of scene to anyone, yeah. | ||
| But you might be interested in how I became offensive. | ||
| I started in school with... | ||
| Drinking and I was really, I was like a real depressed kid, you know, seven, eight years old and I'd really get juiced and get out of my way. | ||
| And so the teacher would really get bugged, you know, with me singing and carrying on and calling Columbus a fink and boosting Aaron Burr and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And then smoking. | ||
| I don't know if you can see it. | ||
| Can you see that from here? | ||
| I've got like a... | ||
| This tattoo here. | ||
| Let's fix it. | ||
| Can you see it? | ||
| I, uh... | ||
| See, I smoked Marlboros when I was six years old and it grew up. | ||
| Offend. | ||
| There's a funny kind of thing. | ||
| It's, uh... | ||
| There's semantics. | ||
| There are words that offend me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh... | |
| Let's see. | ||
| Governor Farbis. | ||
| Segregation offend me. | ||
| Uh... | ||
| Nighttime television offends me. | ||
| Some nighttime television. | ||
| The shows that exploit homosexuality, narcotics, and prostitution under the guise of helping the societal problem. | ||
| Except, like, for a few shows. | ||
| There's one guy on the coast who's got, like, a nutty sense of humor, you know? | ||
| His name is Paul Coates, and he found out, like, there were kids at eight and nine years old that were sniffing airplane glue. | ||
| To get high on, you know, and so I had sort of a fantasy how it happened. | ||
| The kid is alone in his room and it's Saturday. | ||
| The child is played by George McCready. | ||
| Well, let's see now. | ||
| I'm all alone in the room, and it's Saturday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mother's away, and what'll I do that's good and hostile? | |
| Well, let's see. | ||
| I'll make an airplane. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| See, it's hard to, like, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| It doesn't really translate today, because we're just... | ||
| This was irreverent and crazy back then, but today, we're like, hmm. | ||
| Very interesting, though. | ||
| He was doing it. | ||
| He was doing his thing. | ||
| It's historic, right? | ||
| So you're watching this and you're hearing people laugh. | ||
| It's impossible to enjoy this without understanding the context of the time that he was doing it. | ||
| You have to put yourself in the time where all this was taking place. | ||
| Whereas I think prior stuff still translates today. | ||
| There's a lot of prior material that you'll watch today and you'll still laugh your ass off. | ||
| Stuff of him going back to Africa. | ||
| Stuff of him shooting his car because his girlfriend's trying to leave, so he shot the car. | ||
| He's got some bits that are still to this day. | ||
| He massively influenced Eddie Murphy. | ||
| Massively influenced Chris Rock, who was influenced by Eddie Murphy. | ||
| I think he's the cornerstone. | ||
| I think he's the big cornerstone of stand-up. | ||
| I'm happy you said that. | ||
| I feel the same way. | ||
| I thought that you were going to... | ||
| I like George Carlin. | ||
| I think George Collins is a great comic, sure. | ||
| But he wasn't my Richard Pryor. | ||
| Richard Pryor rang my fucking bell. | ||
| I loved him. | ||
| For me it was Pryor and then it was Kinnison after Pryor. | ||
| I think Kinnison for a couple of years was just a monster. | ||
| Monster. | ||
| That HBO special is still one of my... | ||
| The first album with the lighter, what's the name of that? | ||
| Live from Hell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's still a fucking tremendous... | ||
| And listen, Dice's first special is a fucking tank. | ||
| There's some specials that are just... | ||
| They hold up. | ||
| I used to watch... | ||
| I used to go to that fourth... | ||
| There used to be a movie rental place on 28th Street in Boulder. | ||
| It was three floors. | ||
| It was the biggest video store on the West Coast 20 years ago. | ||
| They had everything. | ||
| I rented that Rodney special from them so much. | ||
| You know what else I rented? | ||
| The best of BET for Joe Torre. | ||
| Joe Torrey! | ||
| Joe Torrey was the warm-up then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Before... | |
| What, when he had his own... | ||
| No, no, because in those days... | ||
| Yeah, what's-his-name was the host of the show. | ||
| Before Def Jam. | ||
| Yeah, who was the host of Def Jam? | ||
| Martin Lawrence. | ||
| Martin Lawrence did it for a while. | ||
| Joe Torre did it. | ||
| But they used to have... | ||
| Joe Torre was jacked back then. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| He would do sleeveless shirts. | ||
| He'd have giant ass fucking arms. | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| He was in that mood with Janet Jackson. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| With Tupac. | ||
| With Tupac and fucking Janet Jackson's Mexican boyfriend. | ||
| See if you can get some pictures or video of Joe Torre hosting... | ||
| Def Jam. | ||
| He would wear sleeveless shirts. | ||
| Nobody ever dressed like that. | ||
| And he was funny. | ||
| He was funny, bro. | ||
| I like that woman. | ||
| Where's that guy been? | ||
| I just flew with him a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Where was he? | ||
| He still lives here. | ||
| He has his house in St. Louis. | ||
| He's got a house here. | ||
| He's raising his kid. | ||
| Guy Torrey started that Fat Tuesdays, right? | ||
| That was the thing that he did at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Fucking great guys. | ||
| Guy Torrey's fucking amazing. | ||
| There's Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See if you can find a picture of him on Def Jam. | |
| Doesn't show anything? | ||
| Dude, he was jacked. | ||
| Like unusually jacked for a comedian. | ||
| Doesn't show him on stage with sleeveless shirts and shit? | ||
| That's Warren Lawrence. | ||
| Look at Martin Lawrence. | ||
| Man, that guy was my nemesis. | ||
| Not in a bad sense, but in that I would have to go on after him all the time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Mitzi Shore put me on after him 50 fucking times. | ||
| Those were some of the 50 hardest sets I ever had doing stand-up in the early days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would just fucking bomb him. | |
| Just like the Hindenburg. | ||
| Just go down in flames. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's okay, Jim. | |
| I never really saw him at the store that much. | ||
| Oh, man, he was so good. | ||
| I caught him. | ||
| It was before your time. | ||
| This was like when I first started. | ||
| So I was at the store when I first got passed in 94. So this was like around 94, 95, before you came along. | ||
| And he was on fire. | ||
| Martin Lawrence was on fire. | ||
| People forgot how goddamn good he is. | ||
| Because he went crazy, and he had all those issues, and he was wearing a rubber suit, and he had a gun, and he got pulled over, and he said he was dehydrated, and he was on some sort of drugs, and they locked him up in a psych ward. | ||
| There was a lot of nutty shit with him, right? | ||
| So people forgot how goddamn good he was when he was in his prime. | ||
| But when he was in his prime, yeah, there he is, and bad boys. | ||
| But that's not the prime. | ||
| The stand-up, though, was what was up. | ||
| When I saw him at the comedy store, and he would wear fucking leather jumpsuits and shit and just rip that place apart. | ||
| He was on fire! | ||
| And he was another one that had a bunch of jokes that people had decided were offensive. | ||
| It's when MTV was getting upset at... | ||
| Dice Clay. | ||
| Remember when they banned Dice Clay for offensive material? | ||
| I believe he got caught up in a controversy about offensive material, too. | ||
| It's like the early days of political correctness. | ||
| They decided to get pissed at certain jokes. | ||
| You know what I was thinking about, bro, the other day? | ||
| I was driving, and I was thinking about news radio. | ||
| You're so crazy. | ||
| You motherfucking hired, not Horshack, Epstein. | ||
| Epstein to play your brother, Nick DiPaolo. | ||
| Epstein, Nick DiPaolo, and Brian Callen. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Where did you pull up Epstein from? | ||
| Well, they hired Epstein, but Nick DiPaolo and Brian Callen, I brought in. | ||
| Okay, I thought that you hired Epstein, too. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, I didn't meet him until he was on the set. | ||
| He was a real nice guy, though. | ||
| Did he pass away? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, check it. | ||
| I feel like you did. | ||
| You know who's really fucking sick, bro? | ||
| Your buddy. | ||
| The one guy you introduced me to from that baseball show you were on. | ||
| The Spanish guy that was on there with you, nice guy. | ||
| Spanish guy. | ||
| Yeah, you were on a baseball show. | ||
| Yeah, well, I'm thinking Louis Lombardi. | ||
| Louis Lombardi. | ||
| Mike Starr. | ||
| Mike Starr. | ||
| Who, uh... | ||
| The Spanish guy that came to visit you at the store a few times. | ||
| He's sick? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just donated to his, uh... | ||
| Go find me or something. | ||
| There's a dude from Star Trek. | ||
| Remember that dude that's in Star Trek all the time? | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| But he was the older pitcher and I was the young asshole ball player. | ||
| Was that Betty White? | ||
| Yeah, she was in... | ||
| Not Betty... | ||
| Was it Betty White? | ||
| No. | ||
| The other lady from... | ||
| What's the cast? | ||
| Some... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I don't remember her name. | ||
| See if you can find the cast. | ||
| Yeah, but you don't want images. | ||
| You want actual text. | ||
| Don't go to images. | ||
| Sometimes it pops up. | ||
| Well, see, yeah, Ben... | ||
| Rosemarie. | ||
| Yeah, Rosemarie. | ||
| Ben Greenwood, Mike Starr. | ||
| Keep going, scrolling left. | ||
| Yeah, Ben Greenwood. | ||
| He's in a bunch of movies now. | ||
| Dan Florek. | ||
| He was in... | ||
| Law and Order. | ||
| Law and Order. | ||
| But go the other way. | ||
| That dude... | ||
| And Allie Wentworth. | ||
| She was hilarious. | ||
| She's been in a bunch of shit. | ||
| Chris Browning. | ||
| He was on... | ||
| He's been in a bunch of things. | ||
| ...Suns Anarchy recently. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| Mike fucking Star. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| What year does it say it was? | ||
| 94. 94. Jesus! | ||
| That's when I had to move to California. | ||
| I was miserable. | ||
| How was shooting this the first couple weeks? | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I was like 26 there. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| When it first started out, it was fun. | ||
| And then what happened was... | ||
| With TV shows, a lot of times you have these really funny writers. | ||
| And these guys who wrote it originally were really good. | ||
| But they had written for Married with Children and The Simpsons. | ||
| And the network had decided for some reason that they weren't strong enough to run the show. | ||
| They were only writers. | ||
| They weren't like a real showrunner. | ||
| So they brought in this guy who was a showrunner. | ||
| He was terrible. | ||
| And I didn't get along with him at all. | ||
| And they were actually close to firing me. | ||
| Or him. | ||
| There was a real impasse between the two of us. | ||
| Because the guy's writing was dog shit. | ||
| I was crazy back then, dude. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I had zero filter. | ||
| I never thought I was going to be an actor in the first place. | ||
| I couldn't believe him on the set. | ||
| And so they would try to get me to do stuff. | ||
| And I'd be like, what? | ||
| And they would, like, give me the script, like, oh, we made revisions to the script, and I would read it. | ||
| I'd go, is this fucking terrible? | ||
| And they would get pissed at me, and people would be pissed. | ||
| I'd go, tell me how this is funny. | ||
| Explain to me how this is funny. | ||
| And then, you know, like, executives are going, you know, they were talking to my agent, this guy, you know, he's very arrogant, and, you know, he's causing problems on the set. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not causing problems on the set. | ||
| I go, they took the writer stuff, they rewrote it, and they turned it into dog shit. | ||
| Show me how it's not. | ||
| And I was like, Very close to killing my sitcom career completely, just by having no filter. | ||
| Then they realized it, they read it, and then they came and watched some of the run-throughs, and the network fired him. | ||
| But it was close. | ||
| He wanted me out. | ||
| But I was one of the stars of the show. | ||
| It was me and that Ben Greenwood guy. | ||
| It was an ensemble show, but I played the star player. | ||
| It was about a baseball team, a fucked up baseball team. | ||
| And I was the guy who was always causing trouble and wrecking his car and going crazy. | ||
| And so they were having a real problem with me. | ||
| But it was because these guys that originally wrote it, these guys were genius. | ||
| They were really, really funny. | ||
| And they took their words and just butchered it and turned into some hackneyed fucked-up sitcom. | ||
| Which is what they usually do. | ||
| Well, Jim Brewer was in the pilot with me. | ||
| Jim Brewer, that was me. | ||
| I looked like a baby! | ||
| So weird. | ||
| So Jim Brewer was in the pilot with me. | ||
| He played the mascot for the team. | ||
| Fuck, he was funny, man. | ||
| And Jim and I were buddies from New York. | ||
| There's Jim. | ||
| That's Jim Brewer. | ||
| No, Jim Brewer played a pioneer who... | ||
| I feel like he got in a fight. | ||
| Jeff Curran and Kevin Martin. | ||
| Back that up right there, where you see the lines of the screen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you see the words, like right there. | ||
| Kevin Curran, rather, and Jeff Martin. | ||
| Sorry, I fucked their names up. | ||
| Kevin Curran and Jeff Martin were the guys who wrote it. | ||
| And they were really, really nice guys and really funny guys. | ||
| But they were writers. | ||
| You know, and this was something that they'd created. | ||
| And then the network just butchered it. | ||
| And then it wound up getting cancelled. | ||
| Then I was ready to move back to New York, but I fucked up and I'd already got a lease on an apartment. | ||
| I got an apartment on Moorpark in Studio City, or it was actually North Hollywood. | ||
| And I was like, fuck, I already got this apartment. | ||
| Like, what do I do? | ||
| And so I'm like, God, I gotta stay here because I got a lease. | ||
| And I was like, shit, I want to move back to New York. | ||
| I hated it out here. | ||
| I hated dealing with actors. | ||
| I've never been around actors. | ||
| And that thing that we were talking about before where people just like say things that they don't really mean because they think that you're supposed to say those things because there's like a pattern of behavior that you're supposed to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I thought he was amazing in that film. | ||
| I thought he was excellent. | ||
| I thought he had a lot to offer. | ||
| I mean, there was a lot of that kind of nonsense out here where I was used to real people. | ||
| I mean, for sure, I was a flawed person. | ||
| I mean, for sure, I was rough, and I didn't have good decorum like the way I communicated. | ||
| I was a rough guy. | ||
| You know, I'd come from fighting and then went right into stand-up, and this was only a few years later, I'm doing this. | ||
| You know, I had my last fight in 89. So this is 94. I mean, this is just a few years after that. | ||
| I was still very sketchy. | ||
| You know, so I didn't belong. | ||
| I felt like I didn't belong there. | ||
| I felt like I couldn't be myself. | ||
| Everybody was like reading The Hollywood Reporter and Variety on set. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck are you guys reading this shit for? | ||
| Like, it's like this... | ||
| It was just... | ||
| The whole thing to me was like this weird play that people were putting on. | ||
| Where everybody was trying to pretend to be something so that they can get auditions. | ||
| And I remember going on some auditions and dealing with some of those people, casting agents that had all this power over you. | ||
| And they, they exhibited it like they exerted it when you were in the room with them. | ||
| They didn't communicate with you. | ||
| Like you're a person and I'm a person. | ||
| They communicated with you. | ||
| Like you want something from me and I don't know if I'm going to give it to you. | ||
| Let me see what you do. | ||
| It was just the way they did. | ||
| It was just so shitty. | ||
| It was just, it was gross. | ||
| It still is fucking gross. | ||
| Oh, it's gross. | ||
| I mean, this is the thing that people have, the real problem that people have with this Harvey Weinstein situation. | ||
| It's not just that the fact that he was a piece of shit to all these women. | ||
| It's his position of power that he had over them, that he exerted. | ||
| He got himself into this position, and then used that position to, on some, I mean... | ||
| According to Whitney, like Whitney Cummings was talking to me about this, she's like, what you're hearing is all the women that said no to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like, that guy fucked a lot of them. | |
| And it was part of the deals that he gave them. | ||
| They even went after one of the girls he was fucking. | ||
| That girl from Donnie Brasco. | ||
| She did the movie with Gretchen Maul. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| She did Rounders. | ||
| Oh, I remember her. | ||
| The blonde cute thing. | ||
| Now, if you watch Donnie Brasco, she's in Donnie Brasco. | ||
| She ain't got a fucking line in that movie. | ||
| Not a line. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She's an extra in that movie. | ||
| She's Sonny Black's girlfriend. | ||
| But when you see her in fucking whatever, she's got a bunch of lines now. | ||
| And it was because she was... | ||
| Fucking Howie. | ||
| They just went after her a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Gretchen Margot. | ||
| Who went after her? | ||
| Just, you know, Angelina Jolie and the troops. | ||
| Oh, they're all saying that this is the reason. | ||
| The non-dick suckers. | ||
| Listen, they all got a sucker dick eventually. | ||
| Yeah, she's pretty. | ||
| Look, I had heard that there was a lot of them that were actually very successful that fucked them. | ||
| I mean, this was this guy's thing. | ||
| It's kind of, I mean, it's fucked up and it's dark, but once that gets going, and once that's what he does, how do you stop that train, other than what they did? | ||
| They all knew. | ||
| They all knew. | ||
| And nobody opened their fucking mouth, so you could suck my dick. | ||
| A couple of them opened their mouth. | ||
| A couple of them didn't. | ||
| They got swept under the carpet, and that's always going to happen. | ||
| But I'd rather fucking, you know, the rest of these, like Angeline, the rest of these people... | ||
| Listen, I'm over it, brother. | ||
| I don't want to hear this shit no more. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Like, just the bullshit that these people create in their worlds. | ||
| And you're right. | ||
| When you go to these casting things and you see these things, you see the fucking bullshit. | ||
| It pours out of them, man. | ||
| Well, it's one of the reasons why people in this town are so crazy. | ||
| It's because they're insecure to begin with, right? | ||
| The only reason why anybody becomes an actor, like why people want to be famous, not the only reason, but one of the main reasons why people want to be famous is because at some point in their life they didn't feel valuable. | ||
| At some point in their life they felt discarded, they felt abused, they felt ignored, and they had this Inescapable need for attention. | ||
| This hole that cannot be filled. | ||
| And that was the driving force that led them into acting, where they could be on that stage and everyone was looking at them, all eyes on them, while the microphone was on and the words were coming out of their mouth and they were in the play or in the movie or doing stand-up even. | ||
| It's a lot of the same stuff that propelled you and I. Being ignored as a child. | ||
| Feeling like you were nothing. | ||
| And then realizing that when you're on stage, man, then you're something. | ||
| Like that person up there with a spotlight on them. | ||
| That person's shining. | ||
| That's a something person. | ||
| I feel like a zero. | ||
| But that thing that leads you to become an actor, or want to become famous, It's so fucked up with acting because you have to get chosen. | ||
| It's not like music or stand-up. | ||
| In stand-up, all you have to do is you do open mic nights, you get funny, you build up an act, and then people come to see you, you build up a career, and the next thing you know, you become a successful comedian. | ||
| That's what happened to you, that's what happened to me. | ||
| But with acting, you have to get chosen. | ||
| You don't have to work. | ||
| Like if you do plays, nobody is ever gonna fucking see you ever. | ||
| You're never gonna make it out of plays. | ||
| Nobody's going to see famous play actors. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit about them. | ||
| You have to be in movies. | ||
| You have to be in television. | ||
| So you have to get chosen. | ||
| So you have this whole chain of like, hmm, maybe I'll pick you, but I'm not sure. | ||
| Are you the one? | ||
| And so you have to develop this sort of personality that fits in with what they're looking for. | ||
| You have to mold your sensibilities and your ideas. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are in Hollywood that don't have opinions of their own. | ||
| What they have is a series of opinions that they've adopted and adapted because they think it's going to lead them to be successful. | ||
| And they heard it. | ||
| You know how many times I go to an audition, I hear this. | ||
| A lot of people don't like to audition. | ||
| I like to audition, and I'll tell you why, because I fuck with them. | ||
| Because you're funny. | ||
| You know, I've ripped my pants out. | ||
| You know, if you watch, what's that show on CBS that's been on forever? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Monday nights? | ||
| The Big Bang Theory? | ||
| The one before that. | ||
| How I Met Your Mother. | ||
| You know how I met your mother? | ||
| I didn't even know you did it. | ||
| Yeah, if you watch the episode, you're like, Joey, you're an extra. | ||
| I'm an extra. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because I went into the audition, I had no underwear on. | ||
| And there was, you see these things that pop out of chairs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The side things, the armrests. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And she goes, get up to read. | ||
| When I got up to read from the scene, the fucking thing got caught in the hole in my pants and my dick came out. | ||
| All three women sat there and I go, did you see the egg roll? | ||
| And then I lost them for sure. | ||
| They even told me. | ||
| They go, you got the job. | ||
| As I was walking down the street on Fox, my phone rang. | ||
| My agent goes, go back. | ||
| You didn't even read. | ||
| I didn't even read and they called my agent and said, we love this guy. | ||
| I went back and didn't even read. | ||
| They saw the Cuban egg roll, you know. | ||
| Well, they were probably not used to someone with confidence that didn't give a fuck. | ||
| You know, I went to an audition one time, bro, where the guy had... | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| The guy was a white trash guy. | ||
| Like, this family moved in. | ||
| It was a pilot for ABC. And this guy is one of those guys that... | ||
| He had a little circular pool in front of his house. | ||
| And he was watering shit, but at the same time he had like a thong on. | ||
| And he's fat. | ||
| And he's got jewelry on like one of those guys in like Long Island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| So I never forget. | ||
| I get to the audition. | ||
| All these guys are there. | ||
| Tony Longo got arrested. | ||
| Saw all these big Italian dudes. | ||
| And I knew they were going to get the part, bro. | ||
| I'm like, they're going to get the part. | ||
| I'm not going to get it. | ||
| But I had warm-ups on. | ||
| All right, I had warm-ups on with the string, and I had white, tighty-whities, and I had a zip-up jacket, and I had to weigh 380. So I walked in, I go, I know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take my pants off. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'm taking my fucking sweats off. | ||
| Dog, I walk in and what do you think these two ladies say to me? | ||
| Hold on one second. | ||
| We'll be with you in a minute. | ||
| So they turn around. | ||
| That's my cue, bitch. | ||
| I took those sweatpants off. | ||
| I took the shoes off and my socks and I walked closer and I took my shirt off. | ||
| When they turned back around, all I had was boxer shorts on, like the tighty-whities. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Tits hanging out. | ||
| Stomach hanging over the underwear. | ||
| And as soon as they turned around, they were like, oh my god. | ||
| They're like, that is terrible. | ||
| Put your shirt back on. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not putting on shit, alright? | ||
| I'm reading this motherfucker how it is. | ||
| So you were supposed to like wave and say, good morning. | ||
| And they're like, action. | ||
| And they're like, can't even look at me because I'm completely naked. | ||
| And they can't even look at me. | ||
| And I'm making believe I'm flipping burgers. | ||
| And I look over at them and I go, living like a doctor. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They booked me. | ||
| When I got to the audition, that was the read. | ||
| Living like a doctor. | ||
| They even gave me my own line. | ||
| Half of those auditions I went into, they gave me whatever line I said in the audition. | ||
| Like, whatever they said wasn't good enough. | ||
| Like, I go in there with my own fucking line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's probably why you got it. | |
| Look, look, look at Joey. | ||
| He's just sitting there like a muc de l'or. | ||
| That's when you were in those big daddy shirts all the time. | ||
| Yeah, look how big I was. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you were enormous back then. | ||
| That must have been like, what, 2000 then, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is 2000, 2002, 2003. I remember when I met you, like right after I met you, I brought you onto the set of news radio. | |
| And they were all like, um, who is this guy? | ||
| With the leather jacket on. | ||
| Is this guy your friend? | ||
| Like, that's Joey. | ||
| By the way, that's... | ||
| Ari comes out of your butt. | ||
| By the way, every time you call me, that's what comes up. | ||
| Like, call me right now. | ||
| Call me. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| That's us in the pool in Austin, Texas, when we were doing Cap City. | ||
| You, me, and Ari were doing Cap City. | ||
| Oh, Tate was there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was the old days. | ||
| Do you know how to call people on the phone? | ||
| Please. | ||
| This is why I gotta get a new phone. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| This is why I gotta get a new phone, because this is what happens. | ||
| Let's get out of here, Joey. | ||
| It's 2.15. | ||
| I don't want you to get stuck in traffic. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| I love you guys. | ||
| Where are you at tonight? | ||
| At the store? | ||
| No. | ||
| I got a fucking ballet thing. | ||
| I got a dinner, and I got a trick-or-trunk. | ||
| What are you doing November 1st? | ||
| What is November 1st? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wednesday. | |
| Next Wednesday, November 1st. | ||
| You want to do the Ice House? | ||
| No, I'm doing it Wednesday night. | ||
| You're doing what? | ||
| Podcasts. | ||
| Oh, you do podcasts at night? | ||
| Move that shit. | ||
| Can't do them in the daytime. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I always end up canceling and people cancel on me. | ||
| Do a podcast on Tuesday or some shit. | ||
| This week I have to do Sunday and Wednesday. | ||
| Oh, you have to? | ||
| Yeah, I'm leaving Thursday. | ||
| How about Sunday and Tuesday? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| And do the Ice House on Wednesday. | ||
| We need to do some shows together. | ||
| No, because I scheduled this guy for it. | ||
| He's going to do Wednesday. | ||
| Who are you doing? | ||
| Wheeler! | ||
| Wheeler Walker? | ||
| Yeah, he's back. | ||
| He can move around. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's doing some type of tour or something. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he is. | ||
| He's killing it out there. | ||
| And then the following week, I'm only in town Monday and Tuesday because I got to leave to New York on Wednesday for the fucking festival. | ||
| So I get back from Omaha Sunday. | ||
| I'm just doing one podcast Monday. | ||
| Bam, bam, bam. | ||
| Bam, bam. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Don't forget, Omaha, Nebraska next week, bitches. | ||
| And the week after that, Gotham Comedy Club with Dean Del Rizzi, Ron White, a bunch of us at the New York Comedy Festival. | ||
| Come on out, bitches. | ||
| Thank you for having me on. | ||
| Anytime, my brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pleasure seeing you. | |
| Where's the pizza roll here? | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| I gotta piss real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right out the door. | |
| I'm about to bust. | ||
| See ya. |
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