Oct. 31, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:37:03
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Yeah, it makes me sad. | ||
| It makes me sad if you tell me that you hear people saying anything bad about Gabriel. | ||
| Like, he's that guy, like, that when I think about people, like, there's a few comics that everybody loves. | ||
| Like, Ron White's one of them. | ||
| If you say something bad about Ron White... | ||
| You might get points in the mouth. | ||
| I can't talk to you. | ||
| Even agents, like, love Ron White. | ||
| Like, he's changed their lives. | ||
| Yeah, if you start talking shit about Ron White, I don't have anything to say to you. | ||
| Like, there's no way. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Unless he was, like, really drunk. | ||
| I can see Ron. | ||
| Ron's wife told this story on Opie and Anthony. | ||
| He was like fucking 57 years old. | ||
| He got in a fist fight at some bar because some woman was taking a picture with him and the boyfriend didn't like it. | ||
| So the boyfriend was drunk. | ||
| She came over to Ron. | ||
| Ron punched him in the face. | ||
| Now he has to bring a cop with him everywhere he goes. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He brings a cop with him. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He told me he brings a cop with him. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's got to hire a cop to make sure he doesn't punch people. | |
| Or they don't punch him. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| God, what a good dude. | ||
| I got this call from Comedy Central to come down and showcase at the Irvine Improv and I had to be spotless clean for 10 minutes. | ||
| And I go down and I really worked on it and I just pulled away some stuff and then they called me and they said, you're not in it. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| They go, you'll make the cut next year. | ||
| So I called Gabriel and thanked him. | ||
| He goes, what are you talking about? | ||
| You're not in it. | ||
| Give me five minutes. | ||
| And he calls back. | ||
| He goes, you're doing it. | ||
| You're taping it, okay? | ||
| So the whole time, I'm thinking I'm doing this seven-minute TV set. | ||
| The day of the taping, he pulled me over and he goes, listen, you're going crazy tonight. | ||
| I go, but I've been working on this material. | ||
| He goes, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| He goes, I want you to go crazy. | ||
| He goes, I'm going to pay for the show. | ||
| He goes, I'm paying for it out of my pocket. | ||
| If it makes the cut, it makes the cut. | ||
| If not, it's for me. | ||
| He goes, I just want it for me. | ||
| He paid for the episode to get shot. | ||
| They only got picked up for six. | ||
| They shot seven. | ||
| Because he wanted me to go off. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So, at the end, the whole day, I'm thinking I'm going down. | ||
| That Saturday, I get down. | ||
| He's like, no, no, no. | ||
| You're doing fucking dirty shit. | ||
| And he goes, I planned it this way. | ||
| He goes, I don't give a fuck what they tell you. | ||
| He goes, I want you to work this way for a reason. | ||
| I brought you down here for a reason. | ||
| He goes, worst case scenario, you make the DVD. You follow me? | ||
| Like, he fought for me to work dirty. | ||
| And they got me on Comedy Central. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See, that's the feeling I always get from him. | ||
| Just seems like a real good guy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I've never heard anybody say a bad word about Gabriel. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Well, listen, there's comics that know this, and you know this, that the more you help out younger comics, the better it is for you. | ||
| You learn. | ||
| You look at younger guys and you learn little things. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Sometimes I go to the comedy store and I see a younger comic say something on stage. | ||
| I'll hire him because of that reason. | ||
| Like, I'll say, hey, what are you doing next Tuesday? | ||
| You want to do the Ice House or whatever? | ||
| Just because something they do, you know? | ||
| But it's all so good for you. | ||
| You did it for us. | ||
| You helped us out. | ||
| It made you a stronger comic, you know? | ||
| Anybody knows that helping other guys along the way is great. | ||
| Gabriel rides six deep. | ||
| You think he needs to ride six deep? | ||
| Six deep. | ||
| Before you go see Gabriel, you gotta see eight guys. | ||
| Spanish songs, a Mexican band, because he'll put you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's beautiful. | |
| You gotta make a living? | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| There's not a whole lot of guys like him. | ||
| No, they'd be suspect that you're funnier than them, or you're gonna try this. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| What do you want to eat? | ||
| You can't worry about that. | ||
| Everybody worries about that, but you can't. | ||
| The fun is in working with the best guys. | ||
| The fun is in... | ||
| And also seeing all these different stages. | ||
| Like when you take a young guy on the road with you, or when you see a young guy do a really good set at the store, you recognize those moments where... | ||
| When you were young, and you were just starting to figure your material out, and you were just starting to figure out how to really get to the heart of the matter quicker, or what's actually funny about this, what's clouding my judgement where I can't figure out how to get this funny, but occasionally these sparks shine through and you have a killer bit. | ||
| Everybody knows a young guy who, in the early months, will have one bit. | ||
| When you see that bit and you go, this motherfucker's funny. | ||
| He's saying some shit. | ||
| He might not have it right now, but this motherfucker's funny. | ||
| And when you see someone who's got that, it makes you really aware of that whole process. | ||
| The whole process of just getting your legs under you as a comic and doing it. | ||
| And when you're around people who are also doing that, it feeds off of it. | ||
| You could stay hungry deep into your career just by continuing to create material and continuing to be around other guys who are hungry. | ||
| And when you're doing that, one of the things that's going on in our little group that's so dynamic is that everybody is hustling. | ||
| Everybody is doing a podcast. | ||
| Everybody's doing their stand-up. | ||
| Everybody's recording specials. | ||
| Everybody's doing tours. | ||
| Everybody's doing shit. | ||
| There's a lot going on. | ||
| And it's all new stuff. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like Ari. | ||
| He's got a new one he's doing in Austin. | ||
| If you're in Austin, Texas. | ||
| Next weekend. | ||
| The 5th. | ||
| Yeah, Saturday. | ||
| The 5th. | ||
| Ari's doing his special at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, which is one of the best clubs on the planet. | ||
| And I don't think it's sold out. | ||
| I think there's a little bit of tickets left. | ||
| But probably gone soon. | ||
| But his new shit, he's on fire. | ||
| This is the time to see him. | ||
| Ari's never been better. | ||
| He's never been better. | ||
| He's crazier than ever. | ||
| He's crazier than ever. | ||
| Crazier than fucking ever. | ||
| He's beautiful. | ||
| That's why I love him. | ||
| I can't judge him. | ||
| I just sit there and listen to the conversation. | ||
| I always ask him, you walking around New York without a t-shirt on? | ||
| You know it. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| Ari, he genuinely doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| He became like... | ||
| The don't give a fuck scale, he became like the new metric of not giving a fuck. | ||
| There's levels of giving a fuck, you know? | ||
| You and I can't claim that we don't give a fuck the way he does, because we have families. | ||
| Ari Shafir is free. | ||
| If Ari Shafir just got a vasectomy, he would give even less of a fuck. | ||
| That would be like the last straw of fuck that he has left in his body. | ||
| He's a barbarian. | ||
| You know what show killed me when I did it? | ||
|
unidentified
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Love it. | |
| You know what show, like, fucked with me when I did it? | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's show. | ||
| On Monday nights, the really good podcast he does at the store, the one where he- Kill Tony? | ||
| Yeah, Kill Tony. | ||
| Oh, when you're watching the one-minute people go up? | ||
| I went down there one night, and I didn't, it wasn't about the material, it wasn't about anything but the look of their eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remembered that look in your eye, bro. | ||
| When you don't have dinner in you. | ||
| And your car's got on E. And your job sucks. | ||
| And here you are swinging. | ||
| I left there and I couldn't sleep that night. | ||
| Because I went back to 94 when I used to go back to my room and cry and write what clubs I wanted to perform. | ||
|
unidentified
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And someday I'll be good enough to be at the punchline. | |
| Just write that down. | ||
| I'm going to pee there. | ||
| Yeah, we get that San Francisco newspaper, Just for Laughs. | ||
| And at the end of Just for Laughs, the last three pages, they had a comedy guide from Alaska all the way to Wyoming of all the comedy club listings, whether they were one-nighters or not. | ||
| And I'd just sit there and circle them in a notebook and do a line of coke and cry. | ||
|
unidentified
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Someday, someday I'll be at the fucking Rusty Crow. | |
| But that's when I went to Tony Hinchcliffe's show. | ||
| You know what it reminded me of? | ||
| What was that movie? | ||
| What Rocky movie? | ||
| Did they take him back to the ghetto to train him? | ||
| Rocky III? When they walked in, all the black dudes had veins in their eyes and shit. | ||
| They're like, yeah, what up? | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| He was Rocky. | ||
| And he's like, remember all these guys, Rock? | ||
| This used to be you. | ||
| Yes, this used to be you. | ||
| Look at their eyes, Rock. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Was that Rocky III? Was it Jamie? | ||
| Jamie's on it already. | ||
| Alright, so two, he fights Apollo again. | ||
| And three, he fights Buster Lang. | ||
| Clubber. | ||
| Clubber Lang, I'm sorry. | ||
| Hate woman! | ||
| Was it three guys? | ||
|
unidentified
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I bet you'd stay up every night wishing you had a real man. | |
| Was it three? | ||
| I'll bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| I rock, you couldn't take it anymore. | ||
| That was a great fucking movie. | ||
| The one with Clubber kids? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| With Mr. T. Dude, Mr. T was one of the most terrifying fucking villains ever in a boxing movie. | ||
| Not Joe Rogan. | ||
| Do you remember The Doorman Challenge? | ||
| How he became famous? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, him... | ||
| Mr. T? Yeah, him and a bunch of other dudes on NBC, there was a show about either doormen or bouncers, and they did something, and that's how he was noticed. | ||
| Something weird. | ||
| There was a show about the toughest bouncers for a while, six episodes, and he was the main one. | ||
| Bouncers, doormen... | ||
| A 1980. It was like Wild World of Sports type thing. | ||
| Hey, go back to that for a second. | ||
| Jamie, to that Clubber Lang footage, the training footage. | ||
| I was under the impression that... | ||
| Like, I remember thinking that he really looked good as a boxer. | ||
| But I'm watching him shadowbox there and I'm like, what? | ||
| No, well Sylvester Stallone has a gift of throwing, like, smoke at you. | ||
| Everybody looks good while you're watching it. | ||
| I love that scene when Mickey was looking at the bubbles and he was getting mad. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like, ugh! | |
| Ugh! | ||
| If you, like, let it go, keep going, it'll show him shadowboxing. | ||
| Which sometimes people don't look that good when they're shadowboxing because they're just trying to loosen their body up. | ||
| There's a bunch of different, like right there, that does not look like a guy who actually knows how to punch. | ||
| But, you know... | ||
| It looks like a lot of swinging, you know? | ||
| Those aren't punches. | ||
| They're like a lot of arm movements. | ||
| Well, he's got a mean haircut at the time. | ||
| It's 1980. He didn't know what to expect. | ||
| There's a thing with shadowboxing. | ||
| Some people think that shadowboxing should just be a loosening up thing. | ||
| They just do it loose, and they let their shoulders go loose, and they try to work on their snap, and they try to move around. | ||
| But then there's some people that think you should treat it almost as if it's a fight, like as if you're simulating a fight. | ||
| Jamie, look this up. | ||
| Joseph Valtellini shadowboxing. | ||
| He's a glory kickboxing champ. | ||
| And he put out this video of how he shadowboxes. | ||
| And he shadowboxes like he's in a fight. | ||
| He doesn't think of it as time off or a warm-up or something like that. | ||
| What he does is he fights like a pretend opponent. | ||
| It's pretty interesting because a lot of guys don't do it that way. | ||
| Like, not to this extent. | ||
| Like, you know, guys, when you're shadowboxing, a lot of it is just you kind of loosen around. | ||
| You're doing it on your own pace. | ||
| You're working on your own shit. | ||
| But what he does is kind of more like... | ||
| He treats it like a different kind of a workout. | ||
| Justin Fortune does down at that gym, too. | ||
| Does he do the same? | ||
| They look at it as like a calorie burner. | ||
| In the beginning, really, they're just... | ||
| I mean, if you do it correctly, he says you should break a big sweat or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you do it correctly, which I don't know, I'm just... | ||
| Well, it's a lot of people think it's like visualization they think might be as important as anything else. | ||
| Like everything's important. | ||
| You know, it's important to be in shape. | ||
| It's important to be strong. | ||
| It's important to have experience. | ||
| It's important to have really good technique. | ||
| But it's also important to visualize. | ||
| There's something about carving pathways in the brain. | ||
| And obviously, if you're a neuroscientist and you listen to this, you're like, oh my god, this idiot doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. | ||
| But there's something about carving pathways. | ||
| This is not it. | ||
| There's a different video of him. | ||
| No, do you do it with comedy? | ||
| Extreme shadowboxing. | ||
| He's throwing kicks and punches and knees and backing up. | ||
| Do you ever feel this would... | ||
| Stand-up like you see yourself on stage killing I've tried and I can't do it like positive realization No, I don't think it works with stand-up. | ||
| I think we really don't know I think with stand-up The the key is doing it I tried I thought the reefer fucked me up, but I couldn't come to focus like the visualizations Yeah, like I couldn't see myself on stage like walking out and seeing like people go I could see myself coming out in the garden. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| Here's here's Just for me personally. | ||
| Here's why I would try I would try not to think like that because if I if I visualized myself Doing something and doing it really well I wouldn't think of the thing I was doing anymore. | ||
| Then I'm thinking of the accolades or the position it is, or look, you're on a big stage, and look, you're at this place, and you're at Massey Hall in Toronto or something, some historic venue. | ||
| And then one day I was there. | ||
| That seems like you're thinking more about What success really is, is if you're doing something and you try to do it, do it the best you can. | ||
| Not the reaction that it gets. | ||
| So if I'm concentrating on the reaction, like I'm concentrating on going up there and killing, I would have to be visualizing doing a show. | ||
| So I'd have to be visualizing people laughing. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I've tried. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I've sat there, like, after the gym, tried to cool off and said, well, maybe I'll see myself killing for the special or whatever. | ||
| I didn't see any of that shit. | ||
| Doesn't that make sense though, that if you think of yourself as killing, you're thinking of other people laughing. | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't do it. | ||
| I couldn't do it. | ||
| But you're not thinking about yourself then, right? | ||
| So if you're visualizing skiing, you're thinking about skiing, right? | ||
| You're thinking about tucking, you're thinking about doing your moves in the correct way, you get the most amount of speed, the most amount of controls, you're headed down this hill, right? | ||
| You're not thinking about other people. | ||
| You're not thinking about other people's response to each one of those things you do. | ||
| Like, if every time you did a curve and you didn't get a laugh, you'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| I thought I was skiing good. | ||
| You know, if you tell a joke well, you get a laugh, right? | ||
| But you don't want to think about that laugh. | ||
| You don't want to visualize a laugh. | ||
| You want to pretend that people are laughing at it. | ||
| You want to actually find out what's funny and have other people tell you for you. | ||
| You kind of know, but you don't really know until you do it in front of them, right? | ||
| So to visualize that is really weird because you're visualizing two different mindsets. | ||
| So you're not in the zone of actually being there. | ||
| You're visualizing artificial laughter. | ||
| I mean, I guess you could visualize the state that you feel in when you're killing, when you're really relaxed on stage and you're having a good time and everything's fun. | ||
| You could visualize that state. | ||
| That makes sense? | ||
| I can't do that either. | ||
| But I think even that state, you can only visualize it in chunks. | ||
| I shouldn't say only. | ||
| Maybe I could only do it in chunks. | ||
| I think it's better to just concentrate on just doing it. | ||
| It never worked for me, so I wondered if you ever did it or anybody else in stand-up ever did it. | ||
| I also think with stand-up, you could do a lot of sets and stuff, but I don't know if you should concentrate on it as much. | ||
| As concentrating on just life itself and finding things that you think are funny and interesting. | ||
| You know, because sometimes if you concentrate just on stand-up too much, it almost like narrows your focus. | ||
| So you're thinking so much about stand-up, you're not thinking about shit to talk about on stage. | ||
| Because you're not really thinking about it. | ||
| You're, you know, obsessed with... | ||
| Some tour date details or some, you know, some thing that might be an offer that's on the table. | ||
| What do you think I should do it? | ||
| You know, instead of thinking about that kind of shit, you just like you only have a certain amount of resources that your brain has available. | ||
| And it's when you can stop thinking about like if you can just push any career ideas completely out of your head and just exist as a person. | ||
| Then go and do stuff if you could figure out how to shut that off and go and do stuff for me at least It gives me like more ideas. | ||
| I get more ideas that way and I get I feed my curiosity too It feels like I feed my curiosity in an honest way instead of thinking about Which is reading things that I would think would be funny on stage or reading stuff that I think would be funny to talk about in a podcast I just look at shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's interesting, you know Makes sense. | |
| On a 1 to 10? | ||
| Right now. | ||
| We're cooking. | ||
| It's up there. | ||
| I got stoned this morning. | ||
| I stopped at the weed store on the way up here and ate a little half edible to get the party started in my system. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We're about a month away from legal weed. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But it's going to go down for people like me. | ||
| Because the edible count is going down to 10 milligrams. | ||
| I already got the warning from the fucking stars of death. | ||
| There will be meetings. | ||
| The guy goes, for you to eat 900 milligrams again, you'll be floated. | ||
| You'll be fucking stuffed with gelatin at 10 milligrams a star. | ||
| This. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, there's some shit going around now. | ||
| I'm also doing that CBD, the one-to-one. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| Oh, not bad at night. | ||
| This goddamn Jumbo breath spray. | ||
| This medicine from God. | ||
| This one's a thousand... | ||
| A what? | ||
| A spray? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The whole bottle's a thousand? | ||
| Let me taste it. | ||
| Let's taste it. | ||
| Take the top off. | ||
| No, there's some shit that's really good. | ||
| That one hasn't been opened. | ||
| I take the CBD oil from a company in Denver, Exynol. | ||
| It's a thousand milligram CBD oil. | ||
| When you get back from Jiu-Jitsu, you put it right under here. | ||
| It doesn't get you high. | ||
| This is the one that just, by the time you get out of the shower, you're like, what happened? | ||
| Oh, so it's just CBD oil. | ||
| Because, you know, they make it with marijuana. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No, no, I like... | ||
| Transdermally. | ||
| Well, that goes back... | ||
| That goes into your system a lot better. | ||
| The one that I'm taking is for children, people who don't want THC in it. | ||
| But this has such a high concentrate of... | ||
| CBD oil. | ||
| Yeah, but the other thing, they make it with something else. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That he goes, put that under your tongue, one or two drops, you're a big guy, right when you get home from jiu-jitsu and then take a shower. | ||
| Not too bad, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Let's try this stuff here. | ||
| Stuff of it, some of it tastes like dick. | ||
| Some of it tastes like fucking guava juice. | ||
| There's these people that do it with guava juice. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| Minty. | ||
| Minty. | ||
| It is actually a nice little breast spray. | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| Another two shots to go. | ||
| I fucked up and did too many sprays one of these once before a Sam Harris podcast and Sam was talking crazy shit about artificial intelligence and all this other, you know, every time I talked to that guy, he's a neuroscientist, very very smart guy. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know who he is. | |
| You know who he is, right? | ||
| And I was barbecued when I was talking to him, like barbecued. | ||
| I totally underestimated these sprays. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I thought a couple pumps is probably like a pot lollipop. | ||
| No, it must have been hundreds of milligrams eaten. | ||
| Anything under your fucking tongue like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It goes quick, 60 seconds. | ||
| You're on a plane. | ||
| Next thing you know, the plane's fucking making weird noises. | ||
| They're lighting on fire now. | ||
| Those androids are hitting them. | ||
| It's going to change the world when it becomes legal, folks. | ||
| And it's not going to change the world for the worst. | ||
| It's going to change it for the better. | ||
| It's going to make people paranoid as fuck. | ||
| It's going to make people nicer. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| That paranoid as fuck thing, that's good. | ||
| You don't say dick! | ||
| I do. | ||
| That's how I live. | ||
| I don't say dick. | ||
| I don't know nobody. | ||
| There's some days I don't even fucking shave. | ||
| I leave the house and people, they don't know. | ||
| It's tremendous to live that way. | ||
| I don't say nothing. | ||
| I don't bother nobody. | ||
| I go into Starbucks. | ||
| I don't hear nothing. | ||
| I don't know nothing. | ||
| Time for reflection. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only thing I don't get high is when I go to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I still can't work that up yet. | ||
| That's too real for Uncle Joey, though. | ||
| That's too real for me. | ||
| Somebody gets me a deep ass for something. | ||
| I'm fucking history. | ||
| I used to get high before every rolling session. | ||
| No, I don't know how the fuck you guys do that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Eddie and I used to take giant bong hits. | ||
| Giant bong hits. | ||
| And then we would roll. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I'd have a panic attack. | ||
| Yeah, we would go into class. | ||
| As soon as somebody gets on top of you fast. | ||
| He would teach like that. | ||
| Eddie would teach like that. | ||
| No. | ||
| He would teach like that, blitzkrieg. | ||
| Teach like a Jedi knight. | ||
| Yeah, he'd teach tremendous things. | ||
| Like a master. | ||
| That's how you want it, you fucking dude. | ||
| Unconscious. | ||
| Well, for him, for his style of... | ||
| He's like... | ||
| You know, Eddie, he's got a very interesting style, not just of jujitsu, but of explaining his jujitsu. | ||
| You know, explaining all the moves and all the different positions. | ||
| There's like a presentation that he's doing. | ||
| It's like an art form. | ||
| Let me tell you something about Eddie Brown. | ||
| You're talking about all our comedian friends. | ||
| He's doing something completely fucking different on the other side. | ||
| Because every place you show up to do comedy, There's one fucking dude with a 10-planet shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, at least. | |
| They're like ISIS. At least. | ||
| He's got little cells everywhere, Eddie, of these three, four people. | ||
| Because even the little towns, they get the videos and get a mat, and they do all that shit by themselves, watching the fucking videos. | ||
| They've told me when I went to Omaha, people came in, like, from out of Omaha. | ||
| There's a 10-planet in Omaha. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| But people who don't want to make their... | ||
| People are telling me they get, like, couches and jujitsu. | ||
| No, not couches, mattresses. | ||
| Like, they're fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So if your little town doesn't have it, Eddie's spreading. | ||
| And now, like, his students are winning fucking tournaments. | ||
| And now EBI is on top of the fucking game. | ||
| EBI is the best thing to ever happen to submission grappling. | ||
| Because it made it exciting. | ||
| I don't know about rules or none. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| But when I'm reading Jiu-Jitsu magazine and they're saying that fucking they're going to start using EBI rules and shit. | ||
| EBI is Eddie Bravo, Inc., bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| T.L. Sonnen did it. | ||
| Here's how beautiful Eddie is. | ||
| Eddie doesn't even want money for them using it. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he's like, yeah, I just want those rules to be established as the best rules. | ||
| Just give me credit. | ||
| Call it the EBI rules and you can use them. | ||
| Smart way to do it. | ||
| He just wants to spread jujitsu in the right way. | ||
| And, you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a non-EBI rules event either, you know? | ||
| Like, if somebody wants to do, like, what Metamorris is doing and have these long bouts, and if they go to draw at the end, they go to draw at the end, you know? | ||
| Not on the podcast. | ||
| Some other time, you've got to break everything down. | ||
| I mean, like, there's IBBF and this. | ||
| I have so much on my mind. | ||
| Anybody could essentially start their own rules. | ||
| Like Abu Dhabi, where Eddie choked out Hoyler. | ||
| They had very interesting rules where the first period of the fight, there was no points. | ||
| And it encouraged you to go for it, right? | ||
| So you try to submit someone within the first half of the fight, or take it real conservative, which was another approach, and you play super defense for the first half of the fight. | ||
| Then, in the second half of the fight, you can score points. | ||
| So you score points for takedowns, score points for guard passes, near submissions, things like that. | ||
| So I think their logic was that If they just have no points in the beginning, it doesn't matter if a dude mounts you, it doesn't matter if a guy takes you back, if you defend, if you're trying to attack him and go after him, sometimes you'd worry, if I don't get this guy, I might be so far behind in points, I'll never catch up. | ||
| Like, if you just go for it, and you fuck up and you wind up in a bad position, then you defend that position, and then you get back to your feet, and then maybe the guy takes you down, that's a sequence of events that if you're counting takedowns and near submissions and things like that, can put you in this giant deficit. | ||
| And if the guy's that good that he could do that to you, maybe you underestimated him and you'll never catch up to him. | ||
| But you can find out if you just go for it. | ||
| If you both go for it and you don't worry about points. | ||
| So that was their idea, I think. | ||
| I think. | ||
| To promote more excitement. | ||
| So people just go for it in the beginning and then... | ||
| The idea about the second half is that once you're establishing who's the better grappler, when two guys roll and they're trying to kill each other, you learn pretty quick who's better. | ||
| And so then if no one's better, if it's just by a very, very, very slight edge, so if you've gotten to the second half of the fight and you're both in a neutral position, you both attacked, you both defended, and no one's had any sort of an upper hand, those last few minutes is what's really going to count because that's the few minutes where Your determination in training camp showed up. | ||
| Your ability to adjust. | ||
| Your ability to overcome. | ||
| Like all those things really do determine who's best. | ||
| So having that towards the end of the fight, that makes sense as well. | ||
| How long is Abu Dhabi if I go the whole match? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Is it two 15s? | ||
| Is it two 10s? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I'm thinking it's two 10s. | ||
| But that seems like a long time. | ||
| Maybe it was less than that. | ||
| Abu Dhabi submission grappling time limits. | ||
| Because what is Eddie doing with EBI? He does the first how many minutes? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I think it's like the first nine minutes or something like that. | ||
| They just go at it. | ||
| And there's no points, and if they make it into the final, or they make it past the time limit, then they go through these series of bad positions. | ||
| Like one guy starts on the other guy's back, and he has over-under, and they go, ready, go, and you start from there. | ||
| So one guy's got your back, and you have to defend it. | ||
| And if you can tap him, then he has an opportunity to try the same position, and if he can tap you... | ||
| I think it goes to who got who first. | ||
| I think it's in the amount of time it took to tap them. | ||
| So that's where the competition would be. | ||
| Ten minutes, five minutes overtime. | ||
| So qualifying rounds, six minutes, three minutes overtime if there's a draw. | ||
| Finals, eight minutes, four minutes overtime if there's a draw with no advantage. | ||
| So what it probably is is like four minutes in, they start scoring the point. | ||
| Yeah, there it is right there. | ||
| The first four minutes are without positive points, but negative points start from the beginning of the fight until the end. | ||
| I think negative points are like when you draw guard, when you pull guard. | ||
| I think that was a negative point. | ||
| I don't know if it still is, but I think that's silly. | ||
| Because some guys, if they pull you into their guard, you're fucked. | ||
| Like, there's guys like Vinnie Magalese, or like Shinye Aoki. | ||
| That guy is this nasty fucking guard. | ||
| If you're in his guard, you're in a terrible place. | ||
| The church is sponsoring Vinnie Magalese. | ||
| Vinnie Magalese is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I love Vinnie Magalese. | ||
| His jujitsu is so fucking high level, man. | ||
| You know, he spent a lot of time fighting in MMA. And because of the fighting in the MMA, I think a lot of people slept on his jiu-jitsu. | ||
| They forget what a phenom he is. | ||
| He flying armbarred Pei de Pano, who is like this multiple-time Brazilian jiu-jitsu world champion. | ||
| And Vinny Magalhães hit him with a flying armbar. | ||
| Do you know, that is like pulling your dick out and slapping it across a world champion's face. | ||
| Literally how powerful that move is. | ||
| When you say flying, that's where it ends in my fucking world. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| Flying fucking armbar. | ||
| He's huge, too. | ||
| He's huge. | ||
| He's like 230 pounds, and he hits him with a flying armbar, and it's perfect. | ||
| It's just perfect. | ||
| There's no defending. | ||
| Now, this guy, this is Chris Weidman. | ||
| He got Chris Weidman with it, too. | ||
| Yeah, well, you can watch this, too. | ||
| I mean, Vinny did hit Chris Weidman with the same shit. | ||
| Dude, Vinny's super world-class. | ||
| Now, you've got to remember, Chris Weidman, two-time NCAA All-American wrestler, like super fucking grappler. | ||
| And that's how good Vinny Magalhães is. | ||
| I mean, Weidman, when he won the UFC... Let's see if you can find it in here because this is a long match. | ||
| Weidman, when he won the UFC middleweight title from Anderson Silva... | ||
| Was widely thought to be like one of the toughest, best wrestlers, best grapplers that's ever fought in the middleweight division. | ||
| It was a big strength of his. | ||
| Is that he was just so nasty on the ground. | ||
| And so fucking strong. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You see, when a dude can do that to a Chris Weidman, that's what a bad motherfucker Vinny Magalese is. | ||
| You just don't, that doesn't happen. | ||
| Watch this again. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| I mean, he just took that with just spectacular technique. | ||
| And he's a huge guy. | ||
| I mean, it looks like he's at least, you know, what, 210 or something like that? | ||
| 215? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| In the UFC, he fought light heavyweight, right? | ||
| Cool 5. Yeah, because he lost to Ryan Bader in the finals, remember? | ||
| Of The Ultimate Fighter? | ||
| See, striking, you know, he got better at striking, but that was what had held him back. | ||
| His jujitsu is off the fucking chain. | ||
| He did another stint in the UFC, right? | ||
| Yes, he did a couple stints, yeah. | ||
| But like, that guy. | ||
| You get caught in that guy's guard, you're fucked. | ||
| Like, that's a bad position. | ||
| So I disagree with them, like, saying that pulling guard is a one-point disadvantage. | ||
| So if he pulls guard on you, Vinny Magaliz, you're in hell? | ||
| You're in hell. | ||
| You're in a terrible place. | ||
| You might get out of it, but you're in danger. | ||
| You're in severe danger. | ||
| There's people where their guard is more of a defensive position. | ||
| There's people who wrap their legs around you, and what they're trying to do is just kind of hold on. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I just breathe. | ||
| Or, yeah, maybe they're taking their sweet time, they're going to breathe, they're going to relax, and then they're going to maybe try to explode back up to their feet. | ||
| Or try to reverse you or try to stand up or something like that. | ||
| But then there's guys like Vinny that are trying to break your arm. | ||
| And that's immediately what he's going to go to. | ||
| He's going to go to rubber guard. | ||
| I mean, Vinny has like really fucking ridiculous experience when it comes to submissions. | ||
| I mean, he's just super technical and a big guy. | ||
| Like, that's a rare combination. | ||
| Like, if you get caught in that guy's guard, you're not favored to get out of it. | ||
| Especially if you underestimated it. | ||
| Like, that's another thing about guards. | ||
| If you train with a guy, it was like an Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Where his guard is just ultra dangerous. | ||
| If you don't train with a guy like that, maybe the guys in your gym, they're not scary from their back. | ||
| So you don't worry about it. | ||
| Maybe you're a wrestler. | ||
| Maybe you got good defense. | ||
| You feel like, you know what? | ||
| I see that shit coming. | ||
| Nobody gets me in my gym. | ||
| Well, they probably don't have the same level of guard. | ||
| There's some guys out there that have this ridiculously refined level of guard. | ||
| You remember Paul Sass? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a guy who fought in the UFC. He won almost every fight. | ||
| I think he won one by heel hook. | ||
| He heel hooked Michael Johnson, who is going to be fighting Habib Nurmagomedov. | ||
| But Paul Sass triangled the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| I mean, he triangled the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| Nobody could get away from his triangle. | ||
| It was just this crazy thing. | ||
| If this kid would grab ahold of you, he'd pull guard, he would creep his legs up over your shoulder, and before you know it, you were choking yourself to sleep. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| I don't remember how many fights he won by triangle, but it was so ridiculous, because everybody knew it, and he would go out there and he would do it. | ||
| And everybody was like, just stay the fuck away from his triangle. | ||
| Just stay the fuck away from his triangle. | ||
| Next thing you know, what? | ||
| He's on his back, and you're like, ah! | ||
| It's a terrible position to be in. | ||
| And if a guy's legs are like really good at doing those movements, your legs are so strong. | ||
| They're so much stronger than your arms. | ||
| The thing that we lack is not strength, it's dexterity. | ||
| Well, some guys figure that dexterity thing out. | ||
| And when you have these high-level guys That was one where he won by leg lock here. | ||
| But look how good he is, dude. | ||
| When he gets guys into a position where they think that they're safe, this is another leg lock too. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, this is nasty shit, man. | ||
| My point is that there are guys that are super, super dangerous off their back. | ||
| It shouldn't be a negative point. | ||
| And Michael Johnson has not thrown a punch. | ||
| So even if you just mess with him... | ||
| Yeah, he got tore up here. | ||
| I mean, this is a bad position. | ||
| Did they get rid of Paul Sass? | ||
| Did the UFC cut him? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I mean, he didn't win all of his fights. | ||
| He was a tough, tough guy. | ||
| But man, his submissions were awesome to watch. | ||
| And he fucked a lot of guys up off his back. | ||
| And this is an MMA where he's actually... | ||
| Oh, damn, that's nasty. | ||
| And then he tapped right there. | ||
| And this is an MMA where you can get punched... | ||
| In Abu Dhabi, you can't even get punched. | ||
| So you can get much deeper into positions and not worry about being vulnerable to strikes. | ||
| So guys like Gary Tonin, who's like one of the best in the world right now, he's known for his leg locks and he attacks off his back all the time. | ||
| So to think that that guy gets a negative point because he's attacking off of his back, to me, that's loony. | ||
| That's loony. | ||
| If he gets a hold of you and you're in his guard, you're going to get your knee ripped apart. | ||
| This guy's a knee ripper. | ||
| I mean, they're all the Donaher death squad. | ||
| That's what they call themselves. | ||
| You know, John Donaher. | ||
| Dude, he's got like a hundred knee rippers over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just got super technical leg lock guys. | |
| And they're all doing it, you know, primarily off their back. | ||
| But in MMA, it's way more dangerous. | ||
| MMA guys can punch you. | ||
| I don't like none of that feet shit. | ||
| I told you once, I told you again. | ||
| It makes me nervous, gives me anxiety. | ||
| Are you one of those guys that shows up for jiu-jitsu class with wrestling shoes on? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's always a guy like that. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| There is a guy at my place. | ||
| And you don't want to fuck with him or say something about his wrestling shoes. | ||
| He don't speak the language. | ||
| He's like from Bulgaria. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One minute you're in his garden, next minute you're swinging around in the air. | ||
| Oh, he's like a Sambo guy? | ||
| Yeah, I'm 200 pounds heavier than he is. | ||
| Dude, those guys are terrifying. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Like the first day he came in to visit and all you heard was ba-ba-ba-boom. | ||
| He didn't really know. | ||
| He just is a great guy. | ||
| He thought he was still in fucking Kamala Reese over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they were probably hard training over there. | |
| Great guys. | ||
| His buddy's a blue bell, always takes the time to teach me something. | ||
| Great guys. | ||
| He doesn't mean it, but he just has the strength of dead fucking mules, bro. | ||
| Those skinny guys from Russia, those little Khabib neighborhoods, those motherfuckers, they don't pick up weights. | ||
| They pick up trees and shit like that, and they know how to handle off-balance and stuff. | ||
| It's a really beautiful thing to see. | ||
| I stayed one day afterward as I was getting dressed, and he was teaching the higher balance. | ||
| They were flying. | ||
| Yeah, those Sambo guys, especially... | ||
| There's two types of... | ||
| There's combat Sambo, which is what Fedor used to fight in. | ||
| You ever see that? | ||
| Where they put headgear on, and they have a judo jacket and MMA gloves, and they beat the fuck out of each other, dude. | ||
| That's one kind of Sambo. | ||
| That's more of a... | ||
| It's kind of a hybrid. | ||
| It's almost like they have the judo jacket. | ||
| They wear a fucking judo jacket and shorts on. | ||
| The guy has the World Series of Fighting heavyweight champion... | ||
| I forget his name, but he's a Russian gentleman. | ||
| He's a guy who... | ||
| Ignov? | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| But he's the first guy to beat Fedor in a long time. | ||
| He beat him in combat Sambo before Fedor wind up losing in MMA. Yeah. | ||
| Ivanov. | ||
| Blagoy Ivanov. | ||
| Blagoy Ivanov. | ||
| He's a tough, tough fucking guy. | ||
| But he beat Fedor in that combat sambo stuff where they had the judo jacket on and shit. | ||
| And I think it was before Fedor went on that losing streak. | ||
| Now combat is when obviously you show up with fucking swords and shit. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It's just MMA. It's MMA with a judo jacket on. | ||
| Now what does Chris Herzog teach? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Chris Herzog is big-time Sambo. | ||
| This guy comes over and does seminars in Rochester. | ||
| I don't know if it's combat or the other, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure there's a bunch. | ||
| I mean, I'm not that well-versed in Sambo, but there's two different styles of Sambo. | ||
| A lot of times people confuse the two of them. | ||
| One time I was watching a fight and they were talking about this guy's Sambo background and the commentator was saying that he didn't think that in Sambo there were strikes so he probably won't be as comfortable with getting hit because he's a Sambo guy. | ||
| But what he didn't realize is he actually came from that combat Sambo background, which is the Fedor background. | ||
| Which is where they would have these fights where... | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| See, pull up Combat Sambo, because it's kind of wild. | ||
| It's weird looking. | ||
| Like, it's high-level MMA, but they have judo jackets on and headgear, and they're kicking the shit out of each other, punching the shit out of each other. | ||
| I mean, it is MMA, but there's also grappling, too, and they're aided by the thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, this is... | ||
| It's weird looking, right? | ||
| I mean, they got a fucking jacket on, and they're doing MMA. It doesn't totally make sense. | ||
| No cage, you know. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, shit, son. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was a 360, too. | ||
| Yeah, no cage I like a lot. | ||
| I've been saying this lately. | ||
| I think this is stupid. | ||
| I think cages are stupid. | ||
| I think if we have a floor that's big enough to have a basketball game, you have a floor that's big enough for two dudes to fight. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You put down some mats. | ||
| No more walls. | ||
| Just pushing each other up against the wall is stupid. | ||
| Unless you're fighting in some hallway. | ||
| Why are you fighting in a hallway? | ||
| Go outside, out in the woods, you crazy kids. | ||
| They did it in Russia, man. | ||
| They had a fucking MMA fight in a football field. | ||
| What the fuck were you talking about on the weigh-in today? | ||
| You were dropping some knowledge on me about some gym where they're fighting. | ||
| The fucking movie with the black dudes. | ||
| What's that movie? | ||
| The kid came out here, Billy Corbin did. | ||
| Oh, Dogfight. | ||
| Yeah, and when we were talking about Dogfight, then you were talking about some gym, and you said you'd save it for the podcast. | ||
| This is what I was telling you. | ||
| You know what happened with Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz? | ||
| With the bottles. | ||
| They threw water bottles at each other. | ||
| Plastic water bottles. | ||
| They got... | ||
| Well, someone might have thrown a Monster Energy can. | ||
| Did someone throw a can? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| See, if it can hit you or someone you care about, that would suck. | ||
| The water bottle's like, come on. | ||
| Anyway, they got fined $150,000. | ||
| And... | ||
| You should definitely shouldn't fucking throw water bottles, right? | ||
| So part of me is like, well, if they could discourage throwing water bottles, that shit's stupid, right? | ||
| But did the altercation? | ||
| The altercation's probably good for business. | ||
| The altercation, I mean, I get excited. | ||
| I see Nate Diaz and Conor McGregor screaming at each other across, you know, fuck you! | ||
| Yo, fuck you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you! | |
| Get crazy with each other! | ||
| It makes you excited! | ||
| And I think that generates pay-per-view buys. | ||
| I don't think Conor's stupid, and I don't think Nate's stupid. | ||
| I think they're smart, and I think they know what they're doing when it comes to that kind of stuff. | ||
| So that's a part of the show. | ||
| I mean, did he really think he was gonna hit him with that water bottle? | ||
| You know, fuckin'... | ||
| Nate Diaz, it's hard to hit him with a punch. | ||
| How the fuck are you gonna hit him with a water bottle that's coming from 300 feet away? | ||
| He's not gonna see that? | ||
| He's not gonna move out of the way of that water bottle? | ||
| You know, I mean, what they decide to get upset about and what they don't decide to get upset about is what's weird about athletic commissions. | ||
| You know, like one of the things they were talking about whether or not they were going to test Nate for his vape pen because he had a CBD vape pen. | ||
| Which is CBD, not even psychoactive. | ||
| It doesn't make you high. | ||
| But it does alleviate some inflammation and it provides people that have like, you know, back pain or something like that, or especially after a long fight. | ||
| Provides you with a little relief. | ||
| But what's crazy is... | ||
| The only reason why they would want you to not do it, obviously, it's not performance enhancing. | ||
| You're not performing anymore. | ||
| The performance is over. | ||
| So, are they protecting you from yourself? | ||
| Like, what are they doing? | ||
| They don't want you to do it because you're flaunting the fact that you're doing it in front of everybody? | ||
| Now, did they piss him after the CBD? After he was smoking that? | ||
| I think he had already done his post-fight thing. | ||
| I think you do that before you do the press conference, I think. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I'm not entirely sure. | ||
| And they might do it differently in different places. | ||
| But either way, you're not concerned about them. | ||
| Like, what's the issue? | ||
| Like, what is the issue? | ||
| It looks bad? | ||
| Does it look bad that vapor's coming out? | ||
| Are you scared of dragons? | ||
| The CBD oil business went out the roof that night. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure it did. | ||
| And it should. | ||
| And it should. | ||
| And wait until it becomes legal. | ||
| We're a month away. | ||
| When it becomes legal, then it's really going to go nuts. | ||
| It's going to be good for everybody. | ||
| But anyway, so they get fucking pissed at him for that. | ||
| But the fine was so high. | ||
| I'm like $150,000. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, he said he made $40 million. | ||
| Next time, shut your mouth. | ||
| And they won't fucking know. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Even the other kid made $2, $3 mil. | ||
| Half of that after taxes, $1.5. | ||
| $150. | ||
| Don't really put a dent in your fucking thing. | ||
| Next time, you won't throw fucking bottles. | ||
| That is a good point. | ||
| Unless they both went to Dana and said, listen. | ||
| This jacked up the things. | ||
| We wanted to see UFC pick up the tab for the 300 because it came out of your fucking end for the pay-per-views. | ||
| It's something. | ||
| 150 is not that bad. | ||
| They walked away with a ton of loot. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| There's got to be some type of repercussion. | ||
| 150 and they can fight again in November? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Listen, I got caught without a license. | ||
| 10, 15 years ago in LA. First time ever. | ||
| I was talking on the phone. | ||
| I got pulled over. | ||
| The guy goes, where's your license? | ||
| It didn't work that day. | ||
| I went down to LA County. | ||
| I stood in front of a judge, bop, bop, bop. | ||
| The guy looked at me straight in the face. | ||
| He goes, you can pay $200 and come back with your license. | ||
| Oh, give me $550 and I don't want to see you again. | ||
| What do you think I did? | ||
| You think I gave him $200? | ||
| I didn't give him $550. | ||
| No, I gave him $550 and in time I got my license. | ||
| Not with a gun to my head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sometimes you pay a little extra and they let you fight November to earn. | ||
| Now you earn next time and now you can mack up that 150. You're earning. | ||
| At least they're not suspended for fucking a year. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Here's my thought. | ||
| I don't think 150 is bad if you got a good charity for it. | ||
| Let's send it to charity. | ||
| Yeah, instead of it going to an athletic department. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure the athletic department... | ||
| A high school athletic department somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Maybe a girls soccer team. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| I'll go for that. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's like a good thing, right? | ||
| But $300,000 into their pocket is what pisses you off. | ||
| Well, it's what they decide to get mad at and what they don't decide to get mad at. | ||
| Because this is a thing that I found. | ||
| Did you watch when Floyd Mayweather was doing, I believe it was for Showtime, they were doing one of those behind-the-scenes things at his gym, and he has what he calls doghouse fights. | ||
| And let me just say that this kind of thing has been going on in gyms forever, right? | ||
| They've always had gym wars, and people have even set up... | ||
| This was a thing that I'm pretty sure became illegal in California fairly recently, within the last decade. | ||
| They stopped allowing people to have what they call smokers. | ||
| And what a smoker is, they have organized fights, but there's not really a lot of medical on hand. | ||
| Nobody gets paid. | ||
| Nobody gets paid, but it gives people valuable experience. | ||
| They used to have a lot of them in Muay Thai. | ||
| Like, I used to go to them. | ||
| They were cool. | ||
| They would set up like these little plastic lawn chairs. | ||
| You'd pay a small amount of money, you know, like 30 bucks or something like that, and you'd go and you'd watch all these amateur fights, and a lot of times kids are pretty fucking talented, and it's fun to watch. | ||
| So they've always had organized gym fights. | ||
| So essentially, what Floyd Mayweather did was have his own in-house gym fights, like amateur fights. | ||
| They didn't even disguise the fact that it was a competition. | ||
| They weren't trying to spar. | ||
| These guys are having fights. | ||
| And he's talking about how it's to the death. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| And he has these guys, one guy gets beat up, and he's Hasim Rahman's brother, or son? | ||
| Hasim Rahman's son, I believe. | ||
| See if you can Google who the gentleman was. | ||
| The comments were saying it was his brother, but that was just a comment. | ||
| Okay, his brother. | ||
| Maybe it's his brother. | ||
| That makes more sense. | ||
| Because Hasim Rahman is not that old to have a kid that's that, you know, like that developed. | ||
| Because he looks like he's like in his 20s. | ||
| Maybe he is. | ||
| Anyway, point being. | ||
| So this English guy... | ||
| Beats up Hasim Rahman's one brother, and then the mom comes back with the bigger brother, and the English guy fights him too, all on the same day. | ||
| And they're fighting like these 30-minute rounds. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Is there a winner and a loser? | ||
| They put it on TV. Yeah, I mean, dude, there's definitely a winner and a loser. | ||
| No, is there money involved? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| The question was, is there Giedis? | ||
| No, I don't think there is. | ||
| I mean, there might be. | ||
| I mean, Floyd might reward them or something like that. | ||
| But I mean, it's crazy shit. | ||
| And I mean, in one way, yeah, this will develop character. | ||
| And I don't have a problem with people doing whatever they decide to do. | ||
| If somebody wants to fight a 30-minute fight, I don't have a problem with that. | ||
| You should be able to do it if you want to. | ||
| They've been doing this since Jesus left Chicago. | ||
| You did this in Boston when you were to a brown belt and karate with your buddies. | ||
| You did this. | ||
| But the thing is, I'm not a promoter in Las Vegas. | ||
| Right, that's a big difference. | ||
| That's a big difference. | ||
| And I'm not a professional fighter on television. | ||
| I'm not, you know, and I'm not necessarily saying there's anything wrong with what he did, because it is a part of gym culture. | ||
| It is a part of what's made champions. | ||
| I mean, this kind of stuff, these heated battles, is a very uncomfortable reality that elite fighters like Floyd Mayweather face. | ||
| Like, to be that good, you have to be that real. | ||
| And for a guy like him to show like these kind of crazy 30-minute no-time-limit fights in the gym and put it on TV, it's pretty wild. | ||
| And I see both sides of it. | ||
| I totally see Floyd May with a side of it. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| I mean, he feeds off that. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| That mentality is why that motherfucker was 49-0, right? | ||
| That motherfucker is arguably the best boxer ever. | ||
| Who got hurt less than Floyd Mayweather? | ||
| Who boxed people's face off that everybody thought was gonna kill him better than Floyd Mayweather? | ||
| Remember when he fought Maidana? | ||
| And he fought him the first time? | ||
| And Maidana caught him in one of the exchanges, like right before the bell rang. | ||
| We were like, whoa! | ||
| And then they fought again the second time and he just put a clinic on Maidana. | ||
| Just put a clinic on him. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden Maidana was fighting a totally different guy. | ||
| Like Floyd had figured out Maidana's style or decided not to fuck around this fight and decided, you know, to really take him seriously and really focus on him and he just beat his ass. | ||
| You know, brother, he's a genius in a lot of ways. | ||
| I don't agree with a lot of this shit he does. | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| His self-promotion game's off the charts. | ||
| It's off the charts. | ||
| His self-promotion game's the greatest of all time. | ||
| He's made me laugh. | ||
|
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He's probably made more money. | |
| He's made me laugh at night sometimes. | ||
| I've watched this show and he's made me laugh. | ||
| It's that show you watch because you don't really like the dude. | ||
| I bet I would love him. | ||
| I bet I would love him. | ||
| He's a psycho. | ||
| And I've watched him fight like three times. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| The proof is in the motherfucking pudding. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The proof is in the pudding. | ||
| Let him do whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| You don't get a guy like that unless he's a guy like that. | ||
| You don't get that 49-0 unless he's that kind of dude. | ||
| But I think he handles it as good as any fucking human being that could be in that position handles it. | ||
| It's a crazy position to be in to be a young guy and be worth that much money. | ||
| Your nickname's Money Mayweather. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck names himself Money? | ||
| I mean, he's hilarious. | ||
| I ain't got nothing wrong with you if you talk shit and back it. | ||
| Not anymore at this point in my life. | ||
| You know what I'm reading right now? | ||
| A buddy of mine gave it to me, Hollywood Henderson. | ||
| Are you old enough for that? | ||
| Hollywood Henderson was a Dallas Cowboy. | ||
| That was the real deal. | ||
| You understand me. | ||
| They don't even make them like that no more. | ||
| Showed up rookie day. | ||
| I'll give you the article. | ||
| With three hits of acid, a gram of blow. | ||
| Right here, the Thousand Oaks. | ||
| In the offseason, he would rent a hotel and hang out with Pryor at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Hollywood Henderson was the lad with Pointer Sisters. | ||
| This was before Rick James. | ||
| And before they played the Denver Broncos. | ||
| This is his claim to fame. | ||
| He went on national TV and took a can of Orange Crush. | ||
| With the Denver Broncos drink, that soda, and he fucking crushed it with the juice in it with one hand. | ||
| And the Super Bowl, he intercepted and scored as a linebacker. | ||
| And then he just fucking blew up the ball. | ||
| Big fucking, you know, he talks shit. | ||
| People hate him. | ||
| They hate him. | ||
| He talked shit, but on game day, he showed up. | ||
| Then they threw him out because he put fucking two fingers up during the game, and the owner of the Cowboys saw him at that time. | ||
| What's two fingers? | ||
| You can't do two fingers? | ||
| They were losing on TV, on national TV, and Hollywood Henderson, the camera came over, and instead of watching, he advertised a towel. | ||
|
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He goes, yo, if you need these towels... | |
| And they were like the receiver's company. | ||
| The next day, Tom Landry fired Hollywood Henderson. | ||
| And after that, it was all over. | ||
| He was smoking fucking crack and bazookas, but he won the lottery in Texas. | ||
| He won the lottery? | ||
| He became a born-again Christian. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Hollywood Henderson was my motherfucker, dog. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a fun story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, I just want to be clear about all that stuff that I was saying about the Floyd Mayweather thing. | ||
| I just think that Athletic commissions, you know, like when they find people and when they get mad at people for stuff, sometimes they do it in a very heavy-handed way, and I think it's kind of obscene. | ||
| Like what happened with Vanderlei Silva I think is obscene. | ||
| You know that story. | ||
| They banned Vanderlei for life. | ||
| He ran away from a test, which he definitely shouldn't have done. | ||
| Definitely shouldn't have done. | ||
| But if he was on something that he shouldn't have been on, Suspend him as if you caught him for that something. | ||
| Like, suspend him for, you know, maybe an extra six months because he's a dick because he ran away from you. | ||
| But you can't save for life. | ||
| You can't just take away a guy. | ||
| It wasn't that isolated incident only. | ||
| Vanderlei? | ||
| It wasn't the only isolated incident. | ||
| Yeah, Vanderlei. | ||
| He didn't test positive before? | ||
| No, Vanderlei has never tested positive before. | ||
|
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Okay. | |
| Ever. | ||
| No, I mean, it's not saying he hasn't done anything. | ||
| Like in Pride, you know, Ensign Inouye, when he's on here, he was talking about his Pride contract, and he said, and Eve Edwards said the same thing. | ||
| It said in capital letters, we do not test for steroids. | ||
| They give you a syringe on the house and shit. | ||
| Yeah, so, I mean, it's not saying that he didn't do him ever, but he never, Vanderlei never tested positive. | ||
| Never tested positive. | ||
| No. | ||
| So they had no reason to suspect him, other than, you know, if they follow the sniff test, you know, but he got no, there was no proof. | ||
| I mean, again, that's the only argument, whether it's proof or not proof, right? | ||
| It's not whether or not you think he was guilty. | ||
| I gotta tell you something. | ||
| I thought I had, like, good stories about hiding from probation officers and shit. | ||
| Oh, this is actual Ensign's contract? | ||
| Yeah, it says at the bottom there. | ||
| Oh, here it says, performance enhancing stimulants of steroid-based family are specifically excluded from the scope of the test. | ||
| Why don't they just write, have at it, boys? | ||
| And gals, too. | ||
| There was one probation officer in Boulder that used to fuck with me, so I had to hide from him from time to time. | ||
| But I've heard some stories years after about some of the Brazilian fighters and shit, what they've done with us, dug us down there, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Didn't Jose Alvo stop him at the airport? | ||
| Didn't something happen where they got their fucking visas returned or something like that? | ||
| The Brazilians are notorious for fucking with these people. | ||
| Fucking with them. | ||
| Something happened, they were at the airport and their visas got, then there was somebody else who had a problem. | ||
| Well, the guy came to Aldo's gym, and they didn't know who the guy was, and they didn't trust him. | ||
| You've got to also, I mean, all suspicions aside that people always have when someone comes to you and says they're going to test you for steroids and then you don't want to take that test. | ||
| There's always going to be suspicion. | ||
| Well, that's because you're guilty. | ||
| But you have to take into consideration the possibility that it was not communicated very well, that you might be talking about two different languages. | ||
| And Aldo, who speaks a little bit of English, but not that much, all of a sudden he's meeting these people and he's in Brazil and he's very famous. | ||
| So, he doesn't know if he's being fucked with. | ||
| He doesn't know if this is real. | ||
| If it's random, if they just show up, nobody warns you. | ||
| It's not like the UFC calls you up and says, Jose, how are you, man? | ||
| It's Mike from the UFC. I just want to let you know that this guy who's testing you right now for steroids is totally legit. | ||
| No, they just show up, dude. | ||
| They just show up and they don't even want to present you with information. | ||
| They don't want to present you with ID. Like Chael Sonnen was telling the story about how when they tested him and how bizarre it was. | ||
| Didn't he say they pulled him into a bathroom or something like that to test him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a janitor's closet or something. | ||
| They tested him in a janitor's closet. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck? | ||
| You're drawing my blood. | ||
| And he's like, and it turned out to actually be USADA. | ||
| He goes, but it could easily have been just some fucking crazy person who just wanted my blood and my piss. | ||
| You know, I mean, you don't know. | ||
| Now what happened with Tim Kennedy? | ||
| What happened with him? | ||
| That they went over to his house and he came home from the gym sweaty. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And the guy made him take a shower. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't read the whole thing. | ||
| They couldn't do the test for like an hour for some reason. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't remember what the reason was. | ||
| Or maybe the guy had to get the test brought over or something. | ||
| And the guy went in the shower. | ||
| So he goes, I have to keep an eye on you. | ||
| He goes, really? | ||
| Well, listen. | ||
| He goes, I'm going to take a shower. | ||
| I just got done training. | ||
| And that's actually, especially if you're doing jujitsu, it's actually really important. | ||
| Important that you jump in the shower. | ||
| Yeah, because you get scratches, and those scratches on your body, you can get staph on those. | ||
| And staph lives in your nose, and it lives in saliva, and it lives in, like, when you're doing jujitsu, you're just awash in bacteria. | ||
| Holds USADA rip at gunpoint. | ||
| When is this? | ||
| The guy showed up in his driveway. | ||
| When is this? | ||
| This was in August. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Demands to know who he is. | ||
| Here's the little story on it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, these motherfuckers are coming over like the Cubans to your house. | ||
| If you're ever driving down Tim Kennedy's block, make sure he knows who the hell you are. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| They pull up on you. | ||
| You can't do that shit, Joe. | ||
| You can't pull up on me like that. | ||
| After slowly pulling up to Kennedy's driveway and parking his car, the USADA collector was greeted at the wrong end of a barrel. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| He demanded to know who he was. | ||
| It looks like Kennedy is cleaning up the streets as USADA tries to clean up professional mixed martial arts. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow, this is crazy. | ||
| He's saying that he thought the USADA rep might be a terrorist disguised as a urine collector. | ||
| Wow, that's funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's a dangerous guy to sneak up on. | ||
| You gotta be real careful. | ||
| That's not a guy you want to fucking... | ||
| I know Diaz didn't let him in. | ||
| He just told him, I'm sleeping. | ||
| A lot of people don't like the idea of just being stopped. | ||
| You have to always worry about that. | ||
| That's an added element that you think of. | ||
| That you have to be stopped in the middle of your sleep. | ||
| Someone can wake you up at 7.30 in the morning. | ||
| Ding dong! | ||
| And you have to give them blood and piss right there. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| It's a deal. | ||
| So you've lost blood and piss? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think at the very least they're testing blood. | ||
| I know Nevada was doing urine too. | ||
| I wonder if they're still doing urine. | ||
| But the more stringent tests apparently are all blood-based. | ||
| You have to give them your schedule, where you're going, what time you're training. | ||
| Cowboy got in trouble. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| Cowboy got in trouble because they said, we're at your ranch. | ||
| He goes, well, I'm at the UFC. And he's like, you have to let us know where you're going. | ||
| He goes, well, doesn't the UFC tell you I'm going to be here? | ||
| He's like, this is where I'm going. | ||
| Like, I'm promoting the UFC. I'm here for the UFC. I got a fight coming up. | ||
| That's why I'm there. | ||
| Like, they didn't tell you I was gonna be there? | ||
| And so they have to, like, warn him and give him, like, you're a bad boy, because we didn't know where you were. | ||
| Well, send someone here, motherfucker. | ||
| You know where he is now. | ||
| I'm here right here. | ||
| Yeah, but apparently he had to, like, give them his schedule. | ||
| Like, no matter where you... | ||
| Where you're going. | ||
| You know, I'm going to go fishing. | ||
| I'm going to be on this river. | ||
| Okay, we're going to show up. | ||
| Come down the river on a mountain bike and try to collect your piss or your blood or whatever. | ||
| You have no idea what life is when they get tracked second to second like that. | ||
| Oh, it must be horrible. | ||
| It's a fucking nightmare. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| They have an app now so that they can check in and type in where they are. | ||
| That's so crazy! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
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Oh my god, that's so crazy. | |
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's how far we have to go to keep people from doing steroids. | ||
| You gotta track them. | ||
| Track them like a drone. | ||
| You gotta follow them with a drone. | ||
| When they came to my house, I was a criminal. | ||
| I had given up my right. | ||
| It's so fucking bizarre. | ||
| And they would show up. | ||
| This one dude had it out for me because I told you I put the fucking Alka-Seltzer in the pistol one time and I fucked them up. | ||
| So now this little southern guy would come to me. | ||
| He'd show up at my job. | ||
| He'd show up fucking everywhere. | ||
| And like twice I gave him piss. | ||
| But at least I got to talk to him and shit. | ||
| He wasn't a bad guy. | ||
| He wasn't like not a heavy at all. | ||
| The one time I just wouldn't let him in. | ||
| And then he filed me for a probation violation. | ||
| But I proved I wasn't there. | ||
| I was at the airport. | ||
| Yeah, it's when someone... | ||
| I can't do it no more. | ||
| I couldn't be in a halfway house now. | ||
| That would put you in a weird position with that person. | ||
| No, you have no idea. | ||
| There's people who come out of prison, they put them in that situation, and they fail, and they go right back to prison. | ||
| And they'll tell you, I never want to be in a halfway house situation again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's too, you know... | ||
| It's not really freedom. | ||
| It's not really freedom in a way. | ||
| You know, at that level of gym. | ||
| Yeah, it's like they're weaning you off of freedom. | ||
| That's why it's a halfway house, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, okay, I'm at the gym. | ||
| I leave work. | ||
| I got to call them and say I'm headed over to 10th Planet HQ. What's the address? | ||
| 602, whatever. | ||
| And then as I'm leaving there, let's say you go, okay, we're going to go over across the street to get a protein shake. | ||
| And when you go over there, the place is closed. | ||
| So you go next door or something like that. | ||
| They can violate you for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's tough to... | ||
| But it's working. | ||
| But it's working and it makes you accountable. | ||
| Yeah, it makes you accountable. | ||
| Which is the most important thing. | ||
| And you're definitely going to eliminate 90-something percent of the people that would be willing to take a chance and take a steroid. | ||
| But then there's always the possibility that there's people that are ahead of the curve. | ||
| You know, like we can't think that, you know, all those times when they had that clear stuff, when Victor Conte was using that stuff on his athletes that was undetectable, they would call it the clear. | ||
| And then they figured out what the clear was, and now you can test for it. | ||
| But back then, nobody had a test for it. | ||
| But once they find tests for whatever the fuck people are using now that are skirting around tests, we're going to go, oh, we thought those guys were clean. | ||
| There's going to be a certain percentage, whatever that percentage is, whether it's 10%, there's always going to be a percent that's trying something. | ||
| There's always going to be a percent that's willing to try something. | ||
| It's just out of all the people that we know are clean, if there's a hundred people, is it one guy that takes a chance and does something weird and then gets caught a few years later when they figure out a test for it? | ||
| It might be. | ||
| Victor Conte was taking it to different levels. | ||
| Oh, he was? | ||
| Gummy bears in the sixth inning? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, and they would be out of your system. | ||
| Fucking gummy bears. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In the sixth inning. | ||
| Now, let me ask you a question. | ||
| I know you're not going to say yeah. | ||
| I know Jamie's been watching lately. | ||
| Jamie, tell me the truth. | ||
| Has Pete Rose been killing it lately? | ||
| Tell me the truth, Jamie. | ||
| Pete Rose? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| He's been killing it on national TV. Pete Rose. | ||
| The baseball player? | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| He's doing like this, analyzing it. | ||
| But they got him and Alex Rodriguez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| They're killing it. | ||
| Joe Rogan, this is 2016, Pete Rose with a bow tie. | ||
| Because Pete Rose, no matter what, I've never been mad at Pete Rose. | ||
| Remember, Pete Rose was one of my heroes, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pete Rose was one of my heroes. | ||
| I've never gotten mad at Pete Rose. | ||
| He's human. | ||
| But in a way, how they treated him, but he was a junkie, and he was a piece of shit for a while. | ||
| Like, he was a gambling junkie, you know? | ||
| He was a piece of shit for a while. | ||
| But enough, he's fucking Pete Rose, dog. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm telling you, I watched this show one night, and I was dying how funny he is, like how crazy he is. | ||
| And they're gonna keep him around, Fox. | ||
| I hope they fucking do. | ||
| Did you ever watch him, Joe, anything? | ||
|
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|
Look at him there. | |
| That bow tie. | ||
| That's classic. | ||
| How old is Pete Rose now? | ||
| 50s or 60s? | ||
| 60s? | ||
| I just feel bad that, you know, there was all the speculation that he had done 75. Wow. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was all that speculation that he had gambled on his own team. | ||
| But I don't think that was ever shown. | ||
| Listen, you have to assume. | ||
| I'm a gambler. | ||
| Can you do me a favor, Jamie? | ||
| Can you put up for Joe Rogan? | ||
| Can you put up... | ||
| Pete Rose against Ron Boone in the All-Star game. | ||
| This is when you... | ||
| I had to show people at a bar one night. | ||
| I go, you youngsters never know who Pete Rose is. | ||
| Nah, let me just show you who Pete Rose is. | ||
| Pete Rose tackles Ron Boone, but the beauty of this, it's an All-Star game. | ||
| You never saw this, Joe Rose? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You're beside yourself. | ||
| Oh, no, no, because I might get allergies and shit in the afternoon. | ||
| Oh, boom. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is this guy, how he played. | ||
| Like, this guy was an American savage. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's a barbarian. | ||
| Charlie Hussle. | ||
| But this is crazy. | ||
| This is still the... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He just took him out. | ||
| And he tells him, don't ever block that fucking base again, cocksucker. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
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|
Look at him. | |
| Like he was the last of the real fucking Americans. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a gambler. | ||
| He bet on his own shit. | ||
| Oh shit, he wrecked that dude. | ||
| He literally tackled him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Full clip, shoulder down. | ||
| Now, here's the beauty. | ||
| If you put on... | ||
| And then he yelled at him. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| 1973, I was 10 years old and I went to see the Mets against the Cincinnati Reds. | ||
| I was in my fucking haven. | ||
| It was the fucking All-Star game. | ||
| It was the National League Eastern Conference and he beat up... | ||
| Bud Harrelson II. I left there. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I left there so fucking happy. | ||
| I went there with my mom, my stepdad. | ||
| We were sitting behind Tony Perez's family. | ||
| And Pete Rose is beating up on Bud Harrelson. | ||
| I left there with my fucking dick harder than that. | ||
| And I had the chicken pox. | ||
| I had the chicken pox. | ||
| I went to that game with the fucking chicken pox. | ||
| So here's my question to you. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| How come this can't happen today? | ||
| How come the guy can't run into the guy at home base today? | ||
| That would be a three-month suspension. | ||
| Three-month suspension. | ||
| That would definitely be a suspension. | ||
| It was nothing, right? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| And that was one of the greatest. | ||
| Look at that team right there that's playing. | ||
| That's one of the greatest. | ||
| You'll never see anything like that again. | ||
| Oh, look at this. | ||
| They're going after it. | ||
| Yeah, that's New York City. | ||
| This is fucking tremendous, though. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| This is awesome. | ||
| What a fight. | ||
| Oh, why'd they cut it off? | ||
| What a terrible time to edit it. | ||
| It was just getting good. | ||
| Yeah, Pete Rose got in a bunch of fistfights, right? | ||
| Fistfights, he used to tackle you at second. | ||
| You know, he played baseball, bro. | ||
| He played, you know, Cincinnati, somebody would get hurt on Cincinnati Reds, and bench would automatically go to first. | ||
| And Plummer would play. | ||
| Like, Plummer was like fucking God. | ||
| And he sat by, you know, it was just a, you know, when me and Goldberg get together, we talk about the Cincinnati Reds because I grew up on them. | ||
| But at this point, I think, I don't give a fuck about the Hall of Fame for Pete Rose. | ||
| I know he gambled on his own team. | ||
| But if you know any history of gambling and professional sports, guess what, Joe Rogan? | ||
| They're all losers. | ||
| They all lose a ton of money. | ||
| Tons of money. | ||
| From Arch Leetster to fucking Pete Rose. | ||
| There was another one that used to bet on... | ||
| Arch Leetster didn't get caught betting on himself. | ||
| But he's known to fucking lose everything on professional gambling. | ||
| These guys all called right from downstairs. | ||
| Nobody think they're the only ones who did it? | ||
| Is that what you're trying to tell me? | ||
| I have a brother who's a fucking moron, but he's married to my sister. | ||
| And I know he's a dumb fucking loser gambler. | ||
| I can't call him and say to him, listen, fucking Malik Shaw, his ankle's hurting tonight. | ||
| Bet against him. | ||
| You know, whatever. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, a lot of fucking people do it. | ||
| Pete Rose, they hate him. | ||
| He used to tell them, fuck you. | ||
| When you play like that, what do you think? | ||
| You don't think your rest of your life is telling people to go fuck themselves? | ||
| Who does that in 1973 in an All-Star game? | ||
| Doesn't mean anything. | ||
| So the players didn't like him? | ||
| He was against the fucking system since day one. | ||
| Then he went and he became a player. | ||
| See, when he was gambling on himself, he was a player manager, supposedly. | ||
| A player manager. | ||
| But me and my gambling mind, he'd been gambling the whole time. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Let's not say that he just started gambling one day. | ||
| No, he'd been gambling the whole time because in the 70s it was a little less frowned upon. | ||
| Who do you like today? | ||
| I got this horse in the third row. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And one day that basketball bet and that football bet becomes a baseball bet. | ||
| Well, people had... | ||
| Bookies were really common. | ||
| Common. | ||
| Everybody had a book. | ||
| Is it less common today? | ||
| Yes, today because everything is done on computers and people could do stuff like that. | ||
| But 30 years ago, August, this skinny guy would lurk at the bar you went to. | ||
| And that's the book. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| You give him cash. | ||
| After three or four or five fucking weeks, he starts letting you bet on credit. | ||
| What do you think they're worried about why they keep gambling like that illegal? | ||
| Do you think they're worried we're just going to go crazy and just gamble all the money away? | ||
| Like, what are they worried about? | ||
| Like, why would you protect someone from gambling? | ||
| Are you trying to keep people prosperous by removing the threat? | ||
| They can't do it, so because they can't do it, a lot of people who'd fall into gambling won't because we're going to protect them from themselves? | ||
| Because that doesn't seem to make any sense to me. | ||
| I think some states look upon it like, when I was a kid, the reason why my parents did numbers in the city is because they gave you a ticket in the city and a felony in Jersey. | ||
| So wait a second, Joey. | ||
| With all those degenerate motherfuckers in the tri-state area, what you're telling me is, if you got arrested for gambling in New York City in the 70s and 80s, you got a ticket. | ||
| The cops said, what are we going to do? | ||
| I got a thousand of these motherfuckers popping apartment buildings all over the place. | ||
| If you went to Harlem in the 70s, it was all little bodegas and everybody took action. | ||
| Whether it was numbers, the Knicks... | ||
| The Brooklyn number, the Roosevelt number. | ||
| Remember, there's five numbers that come out in fucking New York. | ||
| Did I ever tell you my grandmother got arrested? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For one of the numbers. | ||
| You run numbers. | ||
| It's something that you do in the neighborhood. | ||
| You become a part of it. | ||
| You get accepted. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| For years, okay? | ||
| Everybody... | ||
| Well, I did. | ||
| I don't know about you. | ||
| Once a month, even if I over-exaggerate, once a month, somebody would pull me aside and go, Hey, man. | ||
| You know anybody who wants sneakers? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got compers. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They usually go for 20. For you, I'll give them to you for seven. | ||
| You don't even ask. | ||
| You just know they're stolen. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm not going to embarrass you. | ||
| You come to my house. | ||
| You're my friend, right, Joe? | ||
| You come to my house. | ||
| Joe, how you doing? | ||
| This is kind of embarrassing. | ||
| My cousin, he owns a store and he's having a sale on TVs. | ||
| I know it's 6 o'clock. | ||
| It's a little late, but they're Trinitrons. | ||
| They're 400 brand new. | ||
| I need 100. They're in a box with a warranty. | ||
| Christmas is coming. | ||
| You don't ask if they're stolen. | ||
| That's a regular fucking day for a guy in Pittsburgh, Connecticut. | ||
| Is that more of an East Coast thing, where people come to you with an open van? | ||
| Well, I'm not an open van. | ||
| I'm talking not people, not strangers. | ||
| I'm talking about Jamie. | ||
| You know Jamie three, four years, and Jamie's got a cousin that gets watches. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He gets the best watch in the world. | ||
| They're $52,000, but Jamie can get him for $22 cash. | ||
| $22,000 and $20 goes to the guy and Jamie gets two off the top. | ||
| Are you going to torture Jamie and embarrass him? | ||
| Like, so when did you get this? | ||
| Am I going to get arrested? | ||
| No. | ||
| Give him the $22,000 and move on with your fucking life. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Is that bad karma? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| By stolen goods? | ||
| No, because Montecumbo gets the insurance back from you and they get it even higher. | ||
| They get the retail back. | ||
| They don't even get the wholesale, so everybody makes out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| If you take it off somebody's watch and put a gun to his head, then you gotta bump into something bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The physical act of taking it from a person is different from a truck disappearing. | ||
| Well, no matter what, there's something involved, but you don't have nothing to do with it. | ||
| If somebody shows up at your doorstep, it's two weeks away from Christmas... | ||
| What a surprise. | ||
| You have the Nintendo game my son wants or the PS3 or the PS4. How much of those things brand new? | ||
| How much? | ||
| 300 brand new. | ||
| I show up at your house for a buck and a quarter with three of them. | ||
| You're going to take all three of them. | ||
| I know a dude who thought he was buying a stereo, but he's actually buying bricks. | ||
| You got one of those stereo back. | ||
| Right, but he's a fucking half a Momo. | ||
| He stopped at the street and bought it from a guy named Jamal. | ||
| I had a guy, I was buying pet food. | ||
| I pulled into this parking spot, I got out, and this dude literally opened the van like he was going to take me in and fuck me. | ||
| Like I was like some little kid who was about to scoop up out of the woods. | ||
| Like it was a molester. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| And he's like, stereos. | ||
| You want to buy a stereo? | ||
| I was like, this is the weirdest. | ||
| He opened up the door as people parked the car and was literally like, hey man, you want some of this? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| You're asking for trouble if you do business with one of those guys. | ||
| Well, that's the most obvious shit ever. | ||
| You know, he's just randomly trying to sell a stereo to the back of a van. | ||
| Now, what are these things that they do in whatever? | ||
| Like, people go and they have, what are they called? | ||
| Junkets here? | ||
| Press junkets? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| The thing off the fucking Five that you always see in the movies and all the fucking Friday, they all go to a place and they buy stereos and Raider hats. | ||
| Oh, swap meet? | ||
| Swap meet. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Well, in L.A., it's a swap meet. | ||
| In Jersey, they called... | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| Flea market. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because when I was a kid, I used to go to... | ||
| Well, they used to do the bicycles, whatever, the streetcar races. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And next door to it, they had whatever it was called. | ||
| And you'd go there, and they had pretty much shit that was stolen. | ||
| It was just a festival, and they charged a table fee. | ||
| Because everything was 50% off. | ||
| Even the sneakers, I remember. | ||
| And then we found out that the guy would go to the fucking factory and jump over the fence and take all the sneakers that were mistakes. | ||
| So the irregulars, they would take those and just sell them at those flea markets, swap meets. | ||
| And then we found out, we cut into his action. | ||
| I swear to God, we cut into that action and the banaca action. | ||
| Remember those tubes of banaca? | ||
| Breast spray? | ||
| They would throw thousands of them out with the little things, like the chemical was off, you start blinking too much. | ||
| Like, the chemical would be off, then it was pepper spray, like real pepper spray, like people would spray it, and you'd see, what happened? | ||
| It's not regular binaca. | ||
| What is that, tear gas? | ||
| It was like the tear gas. | ||
| And we had the Spanish kid that was half-retard, and we'd make him jump the fence, and we'd have thousands of tubes. | ||
| And we'd sell them for 50 cents apiece on Monday in the 6th and 7th grade. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| But there was always three kids that complained. | ||
| There was a little, like, the chemical imbalance was all... | ||
| Oh, it's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, there's like more shenanigans in the East Coast, it seems like. | ||
| But no, you know who cut into that sneaker business? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Ross. | ||
| Ross Dress for Less? | ||
| Sure, all those companies that you go and the jeans are 20% off because there's a regular stitch. | ||
| Now they became the fucking junkets for those. | ||
| You know how you have a friend that has a bit and then that bit is always connected to that place? | ||
| Like Ross Dress for Less is Sebastian. | ||
| Right, every time you go to Ross. | ||
| Sometimes I don't even go to Ross because I think it's Sebastian. | ||
| I mean, that's like, I can't see Ross dressed for less. | ||
| Ross? | ||
| Dressed for less? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this mountain of flip-flops in his shoes? | |
| When he just pulls shit off the shelf and just fucking throws it down the aisle. | ||
| That's a funny bit, but it's one of those, it just cements in your head if you think about Ross dressed for less. | ||
| Like, what other, there's gotta be other bits like that, right? | ||
| Like, okay, roller derbies or roller skating rinks. | ||
| I take my daughter to a roller skating thing. | ||
| It's a little party at a roller skating rink. | ||
| Everybody skates around. | ||
| You know what I think about? | ||
| Brent Ernst and his crazy roller skater bit. | ||
| Remember that bit about the old dude that was really good that would go to the skater rink and skate backwards? | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Let me ask you something. | ||
| In your years in the East Coast, did you ever go roller skate at one of those places on Sunday with Guido and Cousin Vinny? | ||
| No, I missed a lot of stuff because once I got into martial arts, I didn't want to do anything that would hurt me outside of martial arts because I didn't want to get hurt. | ||
| So I didn't want to ski. | ||
| I didn't want to ride motorcycles. | ||
| I didn't want to skate. | ||
| I didn't roller skate. | ||
| I didn't ice skate. | ||
| I don't know how to ice skate. | ||
| No, that's dangerous. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I bowled. | ||
| I got a bowling ball at some point in the game. | ||
| That wasn't bad. | ||
| I'd go to the Bronx and bowl. | ||
| I rolled a skate. | ||
| I went, like, three times in the seventh grade. | ||
| In, like, Paramus, New Jersey. | ||
| Had, like, a roller rink. | ||
| And it was the one that Brennan was just talking about. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Staying alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You would, you know. | ||
| First I was afraid. | ||
| I was petrified. | ||
| Well, Brett would do this bit, and he would do it with music. | ||
| And they would flash the lights and shit, and he would... | ||
| I don't want to give it away. | ||
| I don't think he does it anymore, but if you haven't seen it, go find it if it's online somewhere. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I used to go to the one, and the guys that took me were older than I was. | ||
| And for me, it was just to skate around. | ||
| For them, it was to pick up chicks. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| And they would get all dressed up and shit. | ||
| And then they would roll around. | ||
| And if you went up to a girl and asked her to roller skate, that was the beginning of the relationship. | ||
| That type of shit. | ||
| And they played disco music. | ||
| I went like three times. | ||
| It wasn't for me. | ||
| But the best thing, a guy had a wig and he fell. | ||
| And the wig fell off, and everybody surrounded him. | ||
| And that was my highlight of the fucking roller skating rink. | ||
| I never went back to the roller skating rink. | ||
| When did you know that you just... | ||
| Did you have a point in your life where you knew that you were going to be a comic? | ||
| No. | ||
| But did you ever look back at moments like that, where the guy falls down, his wig falls off, and it's your favorite part of the day? | ||
| No, that was the whole thing. | ||
| Like, you laughed your ass off. | ||
| I love laughing. | ||
| Yeah, I know you do. | ||
| I love laughing at the fucking most absurd... | ||
| Like, when I saw a guy get hit on a snowball in New York City... | ||
| Like on a bus, like when people throw snowballs at each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I was in the back of the bus, and this guy sat in the area where people get hit with snowballs, and the window was open. | ||
| And I'm like, this motherfucker's gonna get hit. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| It was like deja vu. | ||
| And all of a sudden, sitting in the back of the bus, and this guy's happy. | ||
| He's talking in Italian. | ||
| He was like a tourist. | ||
| He was a tourist Italian. | ||
| And it was the day after the storm in the East Coast where it's sunny out and that snow's melting, but kids are out. | ||
| They don't have school and they're throwing snowballs on Kennedy Boulevard. | ||
| And this guy gets on the bus, doesn't close the window. | ||
| Rule number one, as soon as you get on those Kennedy Boulevard buses, you close the fucking window, Jack. | ||
| Because there's an area that it becomes like apocalypse now. | ||
| Remember when they threw spears? | ||
| Remember when they were on the lake? | ||
| And all of a sudden they got really fucked up. | ||
| They started getting hit with spears. | ||
| That's how it would get hit with snowballs. | ||
| And I saw it, Joe Rogan. | ||
| The guy sitting down, laughing. | ||
| And all of a sudden you could hear the... | ||
| And I hit him right in the fucking face. | ||
| I knocked him off the chair. | ||
| He was in the aisle seat and he went into the middle and he got up and he kept saying, stop at the bus. | ||
| Stop at the bus. | ||
| And I'm fucking howling with my little buddies in the back. | ||
| You know, shit like that you cannot write. | ||
| Like as a child, the things you saw, like the time I went to the haunted house, that they take you to like the Brigham Dean Castle haunted house. | ||
| Me and a bunch of little white Italian kids. | ||
| We're crazy, but we're nice people. | ||
| But like three of us thought we were badder than bad, but what we didn't know was that night East Orange was coming in one of those black neighborhoods and they got off the bus and we're walking behind them. | ||
| I told you, Joe Rogan, I seen one of the kids just start wailing on Dracula. | ||
| Just start beating on Dracula. | ||
| When you're 13 or 12 and you think you're a bad motherfucker, but some dude's beating Dracula up in the Brigantine Castle, you can't write that shit. | ||
| Like, that'll stay with me forever, seeing that in a haunted house. | ||
| Till this day, I don't go to haunted houses, because these kids beat up Dracula. | ||
| Then they were pulling them out, Joe Rogan. | ||
| And kicking them and shit. | ||
| And the other ghouls are trying to help them. | ||
| This only happens in Jersey. | ||
| You can't describe these animal experiences. | ||
| Well, we were just talking about what happened at a Raiders game. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You were talking about this before the podcast. | ||
| I'm glad you just brought that up, but about the Raiders coming to Vegas. | ||
| And you were talking about what happened recently at a Raiders game, Jamie, where some guy got beaten into a coma. | ||
| Well, this was earlier this month in October. | ||
| He was in critical condition after a Ravens-Raiders game. | ||
| 30% chance to survive. | ||
| And two guys got arrested? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just beat him up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do we know what the story was? | ||
| At the time of this was written, it said that it was unclear why the altercation started. | ||
| They just started fighting on their way out the game. | ||
| Well, who knows then? | ||
| Who knows what happened? | ||
| If that's the case. | ||
| But it is two on one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But, I mean, who even knows what happened? | |
| We're talking about the violence at these games. | ||
| This is at a preseason at a Rams game at the Coliseum. | ||
| Just fans brutally fighting. | ||
| It's happened all the time at any stadium. | ||
| Just pick a stadium, there's gonna be fights there basically. | ||
| Oh my god, this is crazy. | ||
| This guy just dragged this guy that this other guy was beating up. | ||
| He dragged the guy over the top of the stairs and then he started beating him up. | ||
| Oh my god, this is crazy. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| And there's no security? | ||
| Where the fuck is security? | ||
| Well, the preseason game with the Rams, this happened and something else happened, so I guess the Rams didn't want to pay up. | ||
| And the city didn't want to pay up, but I guess the Rams ended up having to pay up to put security at these games. | ||
| Now, are Raiders games particularly violent, or is it all sports games? | ||
| Well, at this point, who the fuck really knows? | ||
| Right, like, there's a bunch of shit. | ||
| I've been to a couple Dodger games, and they're not violent at all. | ||
| What about in Philly? | ||
| There's a couple arguments and shit. | ||
| Well, Philly, in the old days, I don't know about this new stadium now, with all the... | ||
| In the old days, that was get-out-of-hell-quick town. | ||
| They even had the fucking court downstairs. | ||
| But... | ||
| Over the last couple years, it's like they fuck people up. | ||
| You're just not getting into a push fight and two cops coming between you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like three guys beating up on you at these fucking events. | ||
| You're going there with your children to watch a football game, you know. | ||
| Do you know a guy tried to... | ||
| Two men get prisoned for Dodger Stadium Giants' hand attack. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's killed, I'm pretty sure, after a fight after a baseball game. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Well, this guy was the one that they... | ||
| He had a blood clot. | ||
| And they couldn't find the killers, so they went to the tape. | ||
| I mean, they narrowed it all the way down to the tickets. | ||
| For a stupid fucking game. | ||
| Listen, I could go to a game and have a good time and yell and scream and get three beers and all of a sudden I go, yeah, I like the Giants. | ||
| And you're like, I like the Cowboys. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now it's like people come up to you and punch you in the fucking head. | ||
| If you like somebody else, if you're walking out of the stadium and that team lost and you have that shirt on... | ||
| But do certain teams have, like, a fan mentality? | ||
| You know, like, there's certain teams in other sports. | ||
| Like, doesn't Manchester United, Jamie, you know something about soccer, right? | ||
| Don't they have, like, a certain, like, rabid fan personality? | ||
| Like, the hooligans. | ||
| Not just Man U, I think it's a lot. | ||
| Each team over there, they all have their, like, little sect, their club, and they just kind of brawl. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just what they do, I think. | ||
| Now, does this happen in college football also at these stadiums? | ||
| I never hear anything about college. | ||
| They just this year, I think, allowed drinking in some stadiums in college. | ||
| Up until maybe like a year or two ago, you weren't even allowed. | ||
| I just went to a game at Ohio Stadium last year. | ||
| They should definitely not allow them to drink. | ||
| Yeah, you're only allowed to get beer, maybe. | ||
| Even so! | ||
| Like, there's no liquor. | ||
| But that's just there. | ||
| Yeah, but you still got the tailgating, Joe Rogan. | ||
| That's where the damage is done. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| But don't allow them to keep the party rolling while they're up in the stands on your property. | ||
| They still stop after halftime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| They stop in the third quarter in some places. | ||
| Years ago, I know a giant stadium stopped in the third quarter. | ||
| Our discussion this morning was about they're building the stadium right across from the Mandalay Bay. | ||
| Like, when they're thinking of building it, I'm like, you know, man, a fucking Sunday to get out of here now. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Is there a benefit to keeping, like, say if they bought a team that's for sale, like the Raiders, let's just say the Raiders, is there a benefit to keeping that name? | ||
| Or is there a benefit to starting, it's going to be in Las Vegas, is there a benefit to changing the name? | ||
| Well, they're going to call them the Las Vegas Raiders, but because of what people call today branding, It's the Raiders. | ||
| They're going to keep the Raiders. | ||
| They'll keep the black and silver and the whole... | ||
| I mean, why change the whole mentality? | ||
| Now they're in Vegas. | ||
| That's so crazy that they're going to be in Vegas. | ||
| And this is their stadium. | ||
| Las Vegas committee sends Raiders stadium plan to governor. | ||
| It looks insane. | ||
| I'll tell you what, man, I've never been to a live football game, not a big-ass crazy NFL game, but I can only imagine the energy must be insane. | ||
| It must be insane. | ||
| When you get 100,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs when some shit goes down, it makes you wonder, man, what it would have been like to see the Coliseum in Rome. | ||
| I mean, imagine what that must have been like. | ||
| And with real blood, people's heads got chopped off. | ||
| Swords and shit. | ||
| Real blood. | ||
| Russell Crowe stabbing motherfuckers. | ||
| It's like that is the same, we're looking at essentially is the same progression from like Pete Rose to today's baseball, you know, versus like Gladiators to like some crazy football game. | ||
| It's like, it's just, there's just, there's no way we want to slide back to that sword fighting shit again. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| That would be the one thing like, yeah, you can't do that. | ||
| One thing I noticed the last couple weeks, because during the year I don't really sit and watch baseball. | ||
| It's around the World Series that I watch a game. | ||
| The other day in the green room we were watching it. | ||
| Now they even have like jaw pieces. | ||
| Jaw pieces? | ||
| They have tons of protection now. | ||
| So if you're a batter... | ||
| Oh, if you get hit with a ball? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So if you're a batter and you're a right-handed batter, your helmet now comes down to here. | ||
| So all you could see is the ball. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| So if the ball... | ||
| Yeah, somebody's jaw must have got broken or something like that. | ||
| I mean, they're looking to protect you. | ||
| Pete Rose's game, he was a fucking gladiator. | ||
| Well, when I was a kid, I remember that's when that guy, Tony Canigliaro, is that his name? | ||
| The guy who got hit with a ball? | ||
| Who's the guy that got hit with a ball? | ||
| He was a big player in the Boston Red Sox. | ||
| He got hit with a ball and was never the same again. | ||
| I was a baseball fan until I started martial arts, so until I was like 14 or 15. I forget the story, but I remember thinking, man, I did not know a baseball could fuck you up that bad. | ||
| This guy was essentially net... | ||
| Tony Conigliaro. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| So he got hit with his baseball, and he was just never the same again. | ||
| And he was a star player before he got hit. | ||
| And sort of never recovered. | ||
| It was all fucked up afterwards. | ||
| But that... | ||
| I don't remember when he died, but I believe he died young. | ||
| 90 miles an hour. | ||
| 88 miles an hour. | ||
| Even faster. | ||
| I mean, some guys like Roger Clemens, what did he throw in his prime? | ||
| 98, 99, maybe 100. You know, this was the 70s, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the 80s, they still weren't... | ||
| You know, they were still throwing 88. I mean, the technology might have been a little wrong, you know. | ||
| Steroids. | ||
| There weren't a lot of steroids, as many, so you have to just still. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Still. | ||
| Yeah, you had to... | ||
| What were you going to say, Jamie? | ||
| The guy that closes for the Cubs that pitches last night, Chapman, he's throwing like 102 miles an hour fastballs. | ||
| Almost unhittable. | ||
| It's scary as shit. | ||
| That's so fast! | ||
| It breaks bats and shit. | ||
| Dude, that's so fast. | ||
| That hits your kneecap. | ||
| That's so fast. | ||
| That hits your kneecap at that one. | ||
| It just shatters it. | ||
| It just shatters it. | ||
| What a crazy ability. | ||
| You know, I mean, you have an ability to take a baseball bat, or a baseball rather, and just basically pelt something in the head. | ||
| You could throw it. | ||
| Like, that guy could throw a baseball at a dog and KO it. | ||
| Like, if he wanted to. | ||
| That kind of accuracy and speed You know, they think that might have been one of the reasons why human beings evolved, that our brains evolved. | ||
| That was one of the considerations. | ||
| They're trying to figure out what causes the brain to double. | ||
| Our brain doubled over a period of two million years. | ||
| Apparently it's just a giant mystery and they don't know why. | ||
| There's a bunch of thoughts as to why they did it. | ||
| People started eating more meat. | ||
| They started cooking their meat. | ||
| They get them more accents to nutrients. | ||
| But another weird one is they think it might have had something to do with the throwing arm. | ||
| Then when people figured out that they could pick stuff up and throw it at something, that they started getting clever. | ||
| And that's when they started, like, devising new solutions to problems. | ||
| And it gave them more access to food, because they could kill animals better. | ||
| So they were throwing rocks at, like, squirrels and shit and eating them. | ||
| So what you mean to tell me, it's on its own. | ||
| Our brain has doubled in size. | ||
| Over a period of two million years, the human brain doubled. | ||
| There's more information. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
|
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A long time ago. | |
| Yeah, but there's more information. | ||
| Yeah, there was no books back then. | ||
| During the time the human brain doubled, we were basically going from these more primitive hominids to becoming a human being. | ||
| And then there was this sort of period where things move along at a fairly slow pace. | ||
| But then all of a sudden something explodes over what seems like a long time, but two million years is not that long in evolutionary terms. | ||
| So something happened when we were some sort of monkey creature. | ||
| And during that time there was a change where we mutated and our brain doubled in size and we became way more sophisticated. | ||
| You know, the fun shit is to think that that was aliens. | ||
| The fun shit is to think that aliens came down and, you know, put its sperm in a monkey or did some tests with, you know, took one of the early primates and added alien DNA to it and dropped it back off and that's why the brain got so big so quick. | ||
| But we figured some shit out, man. | ||
| And the people that didn't figure it out, they didn't live. | ||
| You know, we probably figured out... | ||
| High spaces. | ||
| Keep you away from cats. | ||
| You gotta climb up high. | ||
| You gotta figure out how to invent weapons. | ||
| We're soft. | ||
| We didn't get the fangs. | ||
| We didn't get the claws. | ||
| But we got the crazy brain. | ||
| And we went the crazy brain option. | ||
| Over two million years, somehow or another, for whatever reason, it grew. | ||
| It's pretty nuts when you think about it. | ||
| Because every other animal on this fucking planet is basically... | ||
| Like, there's some advanced animals, like chimps and dolphins and some other advanced animals that we think are real smart, like octopus. | ||
| We're not exactly sure how their little brains work. | ||
| But when it comes to doing the kind of shit that we can do to the planet... | ||
| We fly. | ||
| We change the temperature of buildings. | ||
| We project video. | ||
| We can film things in real time and then show them seconds later on this little tiny thing that slips right into your pocket. | ||
| I mean, we're on some weird, complete different level than everything that exists in terms of, if maybe not our actual overall intelligence, our ability to change our environment and change space around us. | ||
| There's nothing like us, man. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck caused that? | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| Terence McKenna thinks it's mushrooms. | ||
| That's what he thinks. | ||
| It's called the stoned ape theory. | ||
| He thinks he's ancient monkeys. | ||
| Found some mushrooms, ate them, and then... | ||
| Got in tune with the mother, Joey Diaz. | ||
| Talk to her. | ||
| Can I leave me the fuck alone? | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| I'm talking about 2017. You're talking about some chimp with acid. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| We're talking about doubling the human brain. | ||
| How the fuck do we even get onto that? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| You just came out of it. | ||
| I'm doing these sprays and shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| You can't scare me like this shit. | ||
| You know I did like 18 sprays and a fucking 250 milligram brownie. | ||
| And you're gonna hit me with these stories about the human brain. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
| Because TMZ. That's what happened. | ||
| More people want to listen to TMZ and they need fucking more space. | ||
| Like when you got your computer, after a month you realize, what the fuck? | ||
| I need more space. | ||
| I got porn. | ||
| I got UFC. I got, you know, pictures of the family. | ||
| You know, we need more fucking space. | ||
| We need more space. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| We evolved ourselves, you know. | ||
| We're getting stronger. | ||
| We're getting fucking bigger. | ||
| Look at these kids in football now. | ||
| They're fucking huge. | ||
| These are animals, these kids. | ||
| Yeah, when we're talking about the difference in baseball pitches, so the baseball players back then were throwing, what was like a super fast... | ||
| Nolan Ryan was probably the fucking... | ||
| He's been throwing heat since day one, that fucking guy. | ||
| And how fast did he throw? | ||
| I don't know, maybe 90, but you figure you take a guy that... | ||
| Pitches 85 with good control, okay? | ||
| Well, I'm talking about good control is I can hit any of the nine Elvises every time I pitch. | ||
| Right. | ||
| From how far away? | ||
| It's like 60 feet? | ||
| 60 feet. | ||
| 60.6 inches, okay? | ||
| So, you take one of those guys and through what we have today, you know, you put him with, what's the guy that we think really highly of? | ||
| Marinovich. | ||
| Yeah, Marv Marinovich. | ||
| Okay, you put him like I'm a Marinovich guy to strengthen those fucking, all those muscles that they haven't figured out before. | ||
| You know, that's quick. | ||
| How long do those guys last, Jamie? | ||
| A few years. | ||
| But no one, Ryan, he lasted a long-ass time. | ||
| Yeah, but he had to cut his fuckers. | ||
| They had to take their surgeries and the whole thing. | ||
| No one had a bunch of surgeries? | ||
| You know, to have that type of, you know, because it's not just your arm. | ||
| It starts when you pick that fucking leg up. | ||
| When you pick that leg up, The energy of that leg, you know, on your own time, not tonight. | ||
| Next time you smoke a joint late at night and you got insomnia, just look at and put up the 10 best pitches and look what that front leg does. | ||
| And how that front leg also controls their timing. | ||
| There's a picture now that pitches for Chicago that you're sitting there and you're waiting for the ball. | ||
| The fuck's he doing? | ||
| What the fuck's he throwing already, you fuck! | ||
| Because it's a fucking angle. | ||
| It's the leg. | ||
| He pops it out. | ||
| He drops the elbow. | ||
| It's that whole body technology. | ||
| There's a whip in there. | ||
| So there's a guy. | ||
| There's a fucking dude with glasses in Iowa right now. | ||
| I got the training for this guy. | ||
| Right or wrong? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The major league right now doesn't give a fuck about strengthening your arm and all that. | ||
| How can we take my guy from 98 to 104? | ||
| And have him be able to throw at 104, 20 pitches the most. | ||
| And I'll just put him in every three games to just kill motherfuckers. | ||
| Do you understand me? | ||
| In the seventh inning, when you get momentum, in comes this guy that throws 104. And he's going to throw, it's nine pitches, he's going to throw 12 pitches, and you're out of there. | ||
| You're either going to, because, remember, the faster the ball comes in, the faster the ball goes out. | ||
| Always remember that, too. | ||
|
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Oh, right. | |
| If you live by the fucking sword, you die by that motherfucking sword. | ||
| When somebody hits a deep home run, it's because he popped a 98 motherfucker that made a mistake and put it an inch too low for his gorilla. | ||
|
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Woo! | |
| Because that's all it determines. | ||
| It's like a game of inches. | ||
| He just dropped it. | ||
| It just dropped a little bit too much for one of these fucking... | ||
| Now on the other side, you got a Marinovich that comes in and takes that guy that bats 290, keeps him healthy, gives him conditioning stuff, got to soothe the shoulder. | ||
| What's the recovery? | ||
| Because the recovery in that game is the whole game, Joe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The recovery is the whole thing in this fucking... | ||
| And all those guys, two, three years later... | ||
| That's too much on all those tendons. | ||
| You mean the surgery? | ||
| Well, the shoulder's a lot of muscles combined. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And to throw that particular... | ||
| Look how many muscles I have involved. | ||
| Especially if he comes... | ||
| Look at this, Joe, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Try this on your own. | ||
| And I have no flexibility. | ||
| It's got to go at least all the way the fuck back. | ||
| And as that leg drops, look what that arm has to come. | ||
|
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In perfect, perfect... | |
| Over the top and then down across. | ||
| And now the follow-through is the most important. | ||
| Yeah, it's got to come all... | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| If you throw a ball like a girl, and I don't mean like a girl knows how to throw a ball, but you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| If you throw a ball like spastic, uncoordinated... | ||
| Like Steven Seagal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People will never respect you. | ||
| That's a real issue. | ||
| Like, you could suck at a lot of stuff. | ||
| You could suck at basketball. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| You could suck at, like, throwing a free throw and people laugh. | ||
|
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Ah, ha, ha, ha! | |
| But if you throw the first pitch and you throw that, like, some uncoordinated spaz, if you just fucking first pitch, dork it off the ground, like, you're a loser. | ||
| Like, there's a harshness. | ||
| It's like some schoolyard shit. | ||
| You just said free throw. | ||
| You reminded me of something I saw. | ||
| I haven't heard anybody bring this up yet. | ||
| Someone made Stevie Wonder shoot a free throw, and they have it on video. | ||
| Did he nail it? | ||
| No, he missed it. | ||
| Well, obviously terribly. | ||
| I don't like this movie anymore. | ||
| No one had to let him know he missed it. | ||
| They could have all just played along and just acted like he made it. | ||
| Someone should have caught it, and the other guy should have dropped the ball right through the net. | ||
| They give it another shot? | ||
| It just shows it over and over again. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Why don't they just let him figure it out where it is if he keeps throwing it? | ||
| How long do you think it would take before he figured out where it is? | ||
| I don't know how he would even know how to shoot a ball. | ||
| That's a fucking insult. | ||
| It's terrible that they even did this, I think. | ||
| If there was no one in the room and you could let him use like echolocation, when he yelled out, hello, with his beautiful voice, hello, maybe you could figure out. | ||
| You know, because deaf guys apparently, or blind guys rather, apparently can do that to a certain extent. | ||
| Like they hear sound bounce off things, they know how far away things are. | ||
|
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But how would he know where the net is? | |
| If you put my waist right in front of it, if you go, the thing is 15 feet exactly from us right now, Stevie. | ||
| I'll be under the net. | ||
| You just keep going until you hit it. | ||
| If you fucking hit it, it's success. | ||
| What's the concept of 15 feet to a guy who's blind? | ||
| Plus 10 feet in the air. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 10 feet in the air? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How's he going to figure that out? | ||
| He's never thrown anything before either. | ||
| But that's not embarrassing. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, no. | |
| I mean, especially at Stevie Wonder. | ||
| He's blind. | ||
| But even if it was a regular guy that sucked at basketball and threw a free throw, it would be funny. | ||
| It would be stupid but funny. | ||
| But if you fucking miss that first pitch, if they ask you, Hey, Joey, I hear you're going to be in town. | ||
| You want to throw out the first pitch for the game? | ||
| They're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I used to play a lot of baseball when I was a kid. | ||
| I'll fucking do that. | ||
| You go out there all full of piss and vinegar. | ||
| I wouldn't make 60 feet right now. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Gary Delabate from the Stern Show. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| Yeah, there's no way I wouldn't make 60 feet right now. | ||
|
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Here he goes. | |
| Let's see what he does. | ||
| Oh, they're all talking about it like it's an event. | ||
| Maybe one of the worst ones ever. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He throws it. | ||
| They don't show you the actual... | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Throw it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It didn't go anywhere near him. | ||
| Yeah, he completely missed. | ||
| They're making it worse than it is, though, because it went all the way to the catcher, right? | ||
| It's like 10 feet to the right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should have practiced a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, you should have practiced a little bit. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, you get made fun of, for sure. | ||
| They've been making fun of him. | ||
| That's why there's a whole piece about this. | ||
| But do you think, you said this is what happens when you get made fun of? | ||
| This is what happens when you throw like that, and it happens on tape. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| You get made fun of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought you were saying that he missed because he gets made fun of. | ||
| Like they've destroyed his confidence to the point where he can't throw a baseball. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's a good point, though. | ||
| There's something about throwing... | ||
| Oh, see, they have the worst first pitches ever. | ||
| Yeah, I'd be in that. | ||
| I'd be in that for sure. | ||
| I can't fucking throw a ball. | ||
| I tried throwing a football a couple months ago. | ||
| Horrific, horrific, horrific. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| Oh, this guy's totally messed up. | ||
| Whatever I had in my shoulders is gone. | ||
| I'm living on fucking smoke in my shoulders. | ||
| There's nothing in there. | ||
| I don't know how they're not hurting me. | ||
| There's nothing in there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
|
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Did you get an MRI? No. | |
| I'm gonna waste their fucking time. | ||
| What can you not do with it? | ||
| Can you put your arms over your head? | ||
| Flexibility, you know, my flexibility is halfway there. | ||
| I can't do flies anymore, that type of shit. | ||
| You know, the thing that helps me a lot now is the way the bats are great, you know? | ||
| Weren't you taking that guy's kettlebell classes at the jiu-jitsu school you go to? | ||
| Joe... | ||
| Joe Alvarado. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've been to a couple. | ||
| Is it Kettle Jitsu? | ||
| Kettle Jitsu. | ||
| Badass, man. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen his Instagram videos. | ||
| He's a great dude, man. | ||
| I went in there the other day, and I went in there a little early. | ||
| They have class at 12. I wasn't doing anything. | ||
| I went in there at 11. There's usually some guys. | ||
| And I was messing around with some guy, and Professor Alvarado goes, let me teach you something, Joey. | ||
| That's perfect for you. | ||
| And he stayed with me for 30 minutes, and we just worked this half guard. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| That was just tremendous, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's a simple shit for a fat dude. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| They teach that old man jiu-jitsu, which is less movement and get the job done effectively. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| But we worked it off of... | ||
| At first, he goes, Joe, you're going to have a problem with this. | ||
| Let's get a kettlebell and work it off a Turkish kettlebell. | ||
| It'll be a lot easier for you to develop the movement. | ||
| It was basically, boom, get the underhook, grab the arm, and just flip over. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| But he turns it very... | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| So when you do Turkish get-ups, it doesn't bother your shoulder? | ||
| I could do a Turkish get-up to point like four. | ||
| I can't lie to you. | ||
| I can't do the whole thing. | ||
| You can't get to the fifth part? | ||
| Here, to the top. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, so you don't ever stand up all the way? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Okay, so you just hip up and you have the bell up? | ||
| Yeah, I do it more for my hips. | ||
| I do it more for my hips, to be honest with you. | ||
| The shoulder, like I said, the little weighted bat is tremendous. | ||
| But let me ask you this. | ||
| Is it the reason why you don't get up, is it because of the weight or your shoulders? | ||
| It's my weight and the shoulders. | ||
| It's the weight on the shoulders combined. | ||
| Well, you know what you can do? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I can... | ||
| Do the leg thing and go from there. | ||
| No, no, I'm good there. | ||
| That's one thing I'm good at. | ||
| What I'm saying is, especially with the Turkish getup, people underestimate the benefit of doing it with even no weight. | ||
| You're just doing it as a posture. | ||
| Just lying on your back, straightening your arm up, and just going through all the motions. | ||
| Propping up on your elbow, going up on the hip, hoisting your hip up, lifting that one leg, getting it underneath you, standing up straight, and then Fully standing straight with your arm extended. | ||
| If you just go through that series of motions without even carrying a kettlebell. | ||
| That's in Professor Alvarado's warm-up. | ||
| He does that with no kettlebell? | ||
| No, that's what kills you. | ||
| Just that as a warm-up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People don't realize if you don't move your body around a lot like that, it's hard to move your body around. | ||
| You know what I started doing recently that I haven't done in forever? | ||
| Jump and rope. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| Where have you gone from, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Five minutes is 20 minutes of jogging. | ||
| Dude, it's hard to do three minutes, like a round. | ||
| Like, you know, I set the boxing timer and I do three minutes. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You're like, this ain't shit. | ||
| You feel pretty good. | ||
| And then about 30 seconds in, you're like, oh, I gotta fucking concentrate here. | ||
|
unidentified
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I gotta... | |
| Listen, I'm feeling it. | ||
| And my feet started to hurt. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, this is one of those things. | ||
| If you don't do it, you think it's easy. | ||
| And then once you do it, you realize, oh, you've got to get in shape for this too, like everything else. | ||
| Your body's not used to jumping around like that. | ||
| But if you can do it, I would imagine it would be tremendous for your footwork and for your agility and your foot strength and all the strength in all those connecting ligaments. | ||
| Because essentially what you're doing is little tiny plyometrics. | ||
| You know, you're jumping. | ||
| You're not getting full extended explosion movements, but you're getting these little jumping bounces where, you know, with me, I'm 196 or something like that, 196 pounds, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing on my feet. | ||
| That's great for you, you know? | ||
| It develops real strength in your feet. | ||
| I got sore in weird places for like three weeks when I first started doing it. | ||
| Like behind your ankle? | ||
| Yeah, my ankle, my calves got super tight. | ||
| Like it was really fucking up my kickboxing because I would try to kick and I'd be worried that like my calf was gonna lock up. | ||
| Like it was like real sore. | ||
| Like in a way that I thought I was hitting with like those Hindu squats that I like to do. | ||
| I thought I was hitting my calves enough, but I guess not. | ||
| There's no substitution for that little bouncing. | ||
| You know where I got it from, man? | ||
| Lance Armstrong's podcast. | ||
| I was listening to Lance Armstrong's podcast, and he was talking about his son being friends with... | ||
| He's friends with Brett Favre. | ||
| And Brett Favre came to his house. | ||
| And his son plays football. | ||
| So he asked his son, he goes, hey, do you skip rope? | ||
| Like, that's the first thing he asked him. | ||
| And he had talked to some other guy, who was also some big time football player, or big time football coach rather, and he's like, do you skip rope? | ||
| And the kids, and he said, no. | ||
| He's like, you gotta skip rope. | ||
| And the same thing Brett Favre said, you gotta skip rope. | ||
| Like, there's something around jumping rope, that for like footwork and movement, and so I said, alright, I'm gonna start doing that. | ||
| And right away I realized, like, goddammit, how come I haven't been doing this forever? | ||
| I should have been doing this forever, it's just stupid. | ||
| You got the leather rope and everything? | ||
| I got one of those Everlast ones. | ||
| My daughter got one of those ropey ones and she left it out there one day and I go, let me try this. | ||
| Old school. | ||
| I did like 32 seconds. | ||
| I thought I was gonna die. | ||
| Did you rip your feet apart? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| I got caveman feet, dog. | ||
| I got those Cuban desert African feet. | ||
| They don't fuck around, Jack. | ||
| Listen, man, when I was coming up, when I was a kid, everybody you talked to told you how to jump rope. | ||
| I used to jump rope at night with no weights. | ||
| Basketball workout was 20, 30 minutes of jumping rope, and then I would sit on the wall. | ||
| Just sit to condition my thighs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 20, 30 minutes. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Yeah, that wall sit thing, that was always big in karate schools. | ||
| Yeah, I was a big wall sitter, spine to the wall, head to the wall, looking straight ahead. | ||
| If you could do it, you know. | ||
| Then they did horses. | ||
| Then you did horses in class. | ||
| You always had that motherfuckers that would sit there and go, 20 minutes, what? | ||
| I think it's probably better to run stairs. | ||
| I'm on the run stairs. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've been running them too? | ||
| No, I have hills near my house. | ||
| You know those hills near my house. | ||
| I do some sprints up those on occasion. | ||
| Fairly rare. | ||
| The thing that I like about that, though, is that it's like you're exploding your body forward. | ||
| I think like that static hold of like a, there's benefits to that for sure, but I just don't think you can fuck with plyometrics. | ||
| You know, essentially, if you're running a hill, you're essentially doing like one-legged plyometrics. | ||
| You're just exploding, exploding, exploding, exploding. | ||
| Well, for the workout that you do and the diet you do, they say that you have to recommend running once a week sprints. | ||
| That primal diet, they say absolutely. | ||
| Like 10, 40 yard sprints. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| I'm a 40 yard believer. | ||
| I just, I don't need a heart attack at this point in my life. | ||
| You know, for a while I was going crazy when I couldn't find out and figure out the cardio while I wasn't breathing. | ||
| I would go to that fucking North Hollywood Park Walk around with a farmer's kettlebell, and then I would, like, do ten sets of swings, and then I would go, let me try some fucking sprints. | ||
| And I would do it, not realizing, like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| I could pull something here that could end everything. | ||
| This isn't just a fucking, you know, like, you know, you're not warmed up properly for that shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I remember going to track as a kid, because they tried to tell me during the offseason, basketball players would high jump to stay in shape. | ||
| And we had this guy, Ira Wolf. | ||
| And Ira Wolf was one of the assistants at the fucking Olympics. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| And, you know, he was into bent squats. | ||
| That was his big fucking thing. | ||
| Bent squats, yeah. | ||
| To get the fucking... | ||
| Yeah, you go down on the squat and you pop back up. | ||
| Yeah, and he was into... | ||
| But his jumping rope and those fucking sprints. | ||
| And we used to run hills in North Bergen because it's the second hilliest fucking... | ||
| You know, that's a nightmare type shit. | ||
| I'm good, though. | ||
| Running hills is hard, but you know what's the hardest shit? | ||
| Running sand dunes. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Running sand dunes is dark death. | ||
| Your legs have nothing. | ||
| They're going through that sand and you're barely making progress. | ||
| Listen, my fight with Shane Carwin got cancelled, okay? | ||
| I don't need to run no fucking dunes, alright? | ||
| Where's Shane Carwin going? | ||
| Shane Carwin's going to Ryzen. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He couldn't take it no more on the sidelines. | ||
| He's like, fuck it. | ||
| I guess he wants to have some fun while he's still Shane Carwin. | ||
| I salute that. | ||
| He could still hit harder than a motherfucker. | ||
| Fuck yeah, he did. | ||
| Did you see that Jason Ellis fight? | ||
| Did you see what crazy Jason Ellis did? | ||
| Jason Ellis fought Shane Carwin with one hand tied up. | ||
| Shane Carwin had his right hand tied up to his body. | ||
| And so Jason Ellis, you don't realize how big Shane Carwin is. | ||
| Jason Ellis is not the tiniest guy. | ||
| He's probably about 200 pounds. | ||
| But when he's standing next to Shane Carwin, it is almost comical. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look how big Carwin is. | ||
| I mean, he's a giant. | ||
| He's a fucking giant. | ||
| He's got one arm tied up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And he looks good, dude. | ||
| Like, physically, he looks jacked. | ||
| Like, he hasn't fought in a while, but obviously he's been working out. | ||
| I mean, he looks better than he did the last time I saw him. | ||
| The last time I saw him, he was recovering from some injuries, and he was still in the UFC. So apparently he's a free agent. | ||
| And I think, you know, he's fighting for Ryzen, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I mean, I know he put it on his Instagram page, but he KO'd him, man. | ||
| It's really kind of wrong. | ||
| That was one punch that he hit him with. | ||
| That wasn't even the punch that KO'd him, is it? | ||
| No, that was like the end of a round, I think. | ||
| See, this is where it KO'd him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right here. | |
| So that was the second one. | ||
| I mean, that one really KO'd him. | ||
| Like, you could see when he was down, he was like, fuck. | ||
| I mean, that guy is so goddamn big. | ||
| Carwin's a gigantic human. | ||
| So they were talking about setting him up with Fedor. | ||
| Like, Fedor versus Carwin. | ||
| I don't know if that's gonna happen, but if that does, I'm in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm paying to see that. | ||
| That's a dangerous fight for Fedor. | ||
| Super dangerous fight. | ||
| Japan. | ||
| It's essentially the same guy who is in charge of pride for a while. | ||
| Yeah, and I believe so. | ||
| And so if he goes over and fights, if Karwin goes over and fights in Japan and he fights Fedor, that's a giant fight. | ||
| When was the last time Fredo fought? | ||
| He fought Fabio Maldonado and barely squawked by a fight that a lot of people thought that he should have lost. | ||
| He got hurt. | ||
| Fabio Maldonado tagged him. | ||
| And there's no shame in that. | ||
| Fabio Maldonado is a very good boxer. | ||
| He rocked Glover Teixeira before Glover finished him off. | ||
| And he's just tough as shit. | ||
| He's a tough, tough guy. | ||
| They always call that poor guy in. | ||
| Fabio is like that. | ||
| Who are we going to get? | ||
| Who will fight him? | ||
| Who will be this fucking wacky to fight on short notice? | ||
| Fabio Maldonado. | ||
| Do you remember how he saved that fight in... | ||
| Australia? | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| No, no, in Brazil. | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| He fought Stipe at heavyweight. | ||
| Stipe Miocic, when Stipe's just fucking tearing through the ranks, right? | ||
| Stipe's trying to get a shot at the title. | ||
| He fights Fabio Maldonado. | ||
| I mean, Stipe just ran through him. | ||
| It was horrific. | ||
| Stipe's a scary guy as a heavyweight. | ||
| And Fabio Maldonado just was not the same size. | ||
| Just did not belong in there with him, you know? | ||
| Just too big, too strong, too fast, hits too hard. | ||
| It was a scary fight. | ||
| But when you think about Fabio rocking Fedor and hurting him in his last fight, and you think, good lord, what if he gets hit by Carwin? | ||
| Carwin takes a great shot, and he hits harder than anybody in the division. | ||
| He's probably one of the scariest heavyweight punchers ever. | ||
| Like, literally ever. | ||
| When he fought Mir, I remember he tied Mir up in a clinch and just ripped uppercuts to his chin and his face and put him down and just beat him down when he was on the ground like, Carwin could fucking punch! | ||
| Scary puncher, man. | ||
| So if he's healthy, like he looks like in that video, he looks fucking healthy to me. | ||
| And he looks huge. | ||
| He looks like he's well over 260. Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if Federer... | ||
| I don't know if that's the kind of fight he wants at this stage of his life. | ||
| You know, after he fought Maldonado, he might be looking to fight smaller heavyweights. | ||
| He might be looking to fight bigger names. | ||
| Well, actually, he's... | ||
| Carmen's a pretty goddamn big name as far as the free market. | ||
| But who knows what's going to happen, man? | ||
| You know... | ||
| One of the crazy things with all these new organizations, whether it's 1FC, whether it's, you know, fill in the blank, Bellator, Ryzen, all these other... | ||
| Like, everyone is scrambling to pick up anybody who leaves the UFC. People's contracts are up like they're starting to do and they start bolting over and going to these other different organizations Stuff can be crazy like things can heat up and you might see like another pride UFC type rivalry Which I think would be great for everybody like if Ryzen really does take off like if Ryzen puts on Fedor versus Shane Carwin and then they come up with a bunch of other crazy fights for the undercard, | ||
| you know There's just not, right now, the same level of talent available outside the UFC. Not right now. | ||
| But man, it's been close a few times, and it used to be. | ||
| Obviously, it used to be with pride. | ||
| It's hard making something like that happen. | ||
| You know, I feel with Shane Carlin, for example. | ||
| Shane Carlin was a great fighter. | ||
| He hasn't thrown a punch in how many years? | ||
| He hasn't fought MMA since... | ||
| I want to say it's two years ago. | ||
| Two, three years, okay? | ||
| At least. | ||
| In my world, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not the professional here, but I think the UFC marketing would know if they could do something with a Shane Carlin. | ||
| If they passed on him, maybe there's something they can do. | ||
| The heavyweight division is packed. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know the parameters of this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I feel like when a fighter hasn't fought more than a year or two or maybe even three... | ||
| I think about comedy, Joe Rogan. | ||
| And I think about if I just didn't do any comedy for three years, what would I be ready for? | ||
| What would you, if you didn't do any comedy for three years, what would you honestly book yourself for in fucking December? | ||
| It's October 31st. | ||
| What would you book yourself for in December? | ||
| The garden? | ||
| You know, you do like the laughing skull in Atlanta. | ||
| Okay, uh... | ||
| A nice, cool, intimate little room. | ||
| Very quiet, 99-seater. | ||
| But Shane might not have a lot of money, and the Ryzen might have offered him a big check. | ||
| No, I understand all these parameters. | ||
| What I'm saying to you is, you know, it's like the GSP thing that was going on. | ||
| Maybe they weren't what they were. | ||
| And I think even as a fighter, two, three years, shit has fucking changed. | ||
| Yes, yes and no. | ||
| Fucking changed! | ||
| Yes and no. | ||
| Here's the no. | ||
| Depends on if you're still training. | ||
| See, if you decide to take some time off because you have nagging injuries, or some fighters like that Joseph Valtellini guy we were talking about earlier, he stepped back because of concussion syndrome, because he had too many hits to the head. | ||
| And so he recognized it, was having some real symptoms, and he said, no, I have to resign. | ||
| So he gave up his belt. | ||
| Taking two or three years off, if you're having any sort of real problem, maybe if you've got a reoccurring back injury, which I know Shane had some back issues. | ||
| He even had surgery. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So maybe taking that time off. | ||
| So it was Junior Dos Santos was his last loss, and that was UFC 131 in, wow, 2011. So that's five fucking years ago. | ||
| Almost, you know, five and a half years ago. | ||
| Guys, the heavyweight division has come and gone in five years. | ||
| That's a long time. | ||
| GSP wants to come back now to 170. The 170 has come and gone. | ||
| Tyrone Woodley is the champion, and Wonderboy is number one. | ||
| These kids weren't even around when GSP fucking dropped off how Tyrone Woodley was, but not Stephen Thomas. | ||
| I mean, it's a whole breath of fucking fresh air they're coming into. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I think what Michael Bisping was doing was pretty smart, trying to get GSP to fight him in Toronto. | ||
| I was like, let's do it, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, that's a great one. | ||
| I don't know if George wants a fight at 185. I think George has even said that he can make 155. You know, the difference between the size of guys today versus the way they were then, you know, guys are way more sophisticated about weight cutting. | ||
| And I don't think George lifts as much weights anymore. | ||
| I don't think he's as big as he used to be. | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| If the guy wants to compete, the game moves very fast. | ||
| MMA has moved so much in two or three years that... | ||
| A lot of these people that are watching UFC today don't even really know who Shane Carwin is. | ||
| We've got a whole new batch of audience that's coming. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| And the same has even worked for GSP. I'm a fan of GSP. I'd love to see him fight again. | ||
| But I had to ask myself questions as the UFC. I want to learn. | ||
| It's like watching fucking Shark Tank. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You want to learn. | ||
| Well, I think the UFC's argument, as far as what I had heard, and this is all the shit I read online. | ||
| I don't talk to the UFC about business. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We read different dumb shit. | ||
| But what I had read online was that they were not at agreement with how much money it was going to cost to promote a fight with them. | ||
| And that the people that watch the fight today that are fans of Ronda Rousey and the fans of Conor McGregor and all these current UFC fighters, that maybe these fans that have only been fans for a couple years, they kind of forgot This is what I was thinking just on my own. | ||
| I'm like, in three and four years, Rhonda... | ||
| Right, but you don't think that it would take one, one fucking promotional special, one thing they do on Fox where people remember, just watch some of the fucking epic fights with John Fitch, with BJ Penn, you know, watch him submit Matt Hughes when Matt Hughes is at the top of the world, watch him beat down Matt Serra after Matt Serra stopped him and won the title. | ||
| You watch some of those fights and then you hear him talk and you see what a gentleman he is. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That guy's golden. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's golden. | ||
| Even the four names you mentioned, they're fucking dinosaurs. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But you know what I think a guy like GSB has to do? | ||
| He's got to do a tune-up fight. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| I think that would help everybody. | ||
| I think that's what you would do in boxing. | ||
| The only one who never did that is Sugar Ray. | ||
| Sugar Ray Leonard went out of retirement right to Marvin Hagler. | ||
| Right right in there just jumped right into Marvin fucking Hagler and everybody was like you're crazy you need a tune-up fight and Apparently he had some gym fights where they set up some smokers in the gym Just sort of like we were talking about earlier that they do with the Muay Thai beat Marvin Hagler eventually beat him beat him by decision very controversial fight though Some people think that Marvin should have won. | ||
| I would say it's probably one of those fights where it was almost 50-50 Amongst my friends it was, at least. | ||
| Amongst a lot of people I knew, a lot of people thought that Marvin did more damage, it landed the harder shots, and what Sugar Ray was doing was just throwing pity-pat punches, and it wasn't good enough, and Marvin was chasing him down. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd have to watch it again as an adult who understands fighting better. | ||
| But, uh, whatever it was, he didn't get destroyed. | ||
| And that's better than you could say for a lot of people that fought Hagler. | ||
| I mean, Hagler was fucking Hagler. | ||
| That's the Hagler that crushed John the Beast Mugabe. | ||
| Remember that shit? | ||
| That's the Marvin Hagler that beat the fuck out of Tommy Hearns. | ||
| I mean, Marvin Hagler was a monster. | ||
| When I was a kid, they had this fucking TV show that they showed where Hager was training for a Mustafa Ham show. | ||
| And he was running on the beach in the Cape in the winter. | ||
| He was running on the sand in Cape Cod, screaming, war. | ||
| Just running, screaming, war! | ||
|
unidentified
|
War! | |
| This guy who's just shredded. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| I mean Marvin Hagler in his prime had one of like the best physiques ever for a boxer and he was in supreme condition and he was known for maybe not being like the slickest most technical boxer like maybe Sugar Ray was or Roberto Duran was but overwhelming discipline and drive and ferocity and He would just break dudes down. | ||
| You know, like he did with the Tommy Hearns fight. | ||
| It was like the purest expression of Marvin Hagler. | ||
| These guys are fighting for the fucking middleweight championship of the world. | ||
| It's a giant fight between two superstars. | ||
| And what do they do? | ||
| They just throw caution to the wind and meet in the center of the ring and start throwing bombs. | ||
| There was no boxing in that fight. | ||
| That was a war. | ||
| That was a crazy war. | ||
| Throw that shit up, Jamie. | ||
| Throw that shit up. | ||
| Marvin Hagler versus Tommy Hearns. | ||
| Talking to me. | ||
| Put that motherfucker on it. | ||
| Just a massive risk-taking endeavor to step in there. | ||
| Those two guys, as big as they were in their prime, those dudes were gigantic. | ||
| How many rounds did this go? | ||
| I think it was two rounds. | ||
| I think he knocked him out in the second. | ||
| Yeah, at the most it was the third. | ||
| I'm not saying that's it. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| Jamie? | ||
| You're throwing bombs. | ||
| What were you looking for? | ||
| I was trying to find which version of the fight I was going to pull up. | ||
| Does it say what? | ||
| I'm pretty sure he knocked him out in the second round, if I remember correctly. | ||
| But I might be wrong. | ||
| It might be the third. | ||
| But either way, it was just chaos. | ||
| Now that I'm thinking about it, I think it was the third. | ||
| Tell us that, too. | ||
| I'm trying to look for that before I pull up the video. | ||
| Do you got a video? | ||
| Just throw the video on. | ||
| We'll figure it out when he gets knocked out. | ||
| But I mean, we had talked about Tommy Hearns the other day. | ||
| Tommy Hearns knocked out Roberto Duran. | ||
| That was one of the most spectacular knockouts ever. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Tommy Hearns was awesome. | ||
| He had a big crazy afro. | ||
| He had a back that was so wide it looked like he was a flying squirrel. | ||
| Like he could jump off a building and soar to safety. | ||
| I mean, he was so unusually built. | ||
| And he was shredded too. | ||
| He was built scary in a different way. | ||
| And then Hagler. | ||
| He was the ultimate throwback. | ||
| I mean, you're talking in the 1980s, he was a throwback. | ||
| They thought of him as a throwback in the 80s. | ||
| Like, you thought of him the same way, so he was 30 then, which is kind of crazy, because this is like the tail end of the Hagler career. | ||
| I think Hagler only fought until he was like 35, and then he retired after the Sugar Ray Leonard fight. | ||
| But this was Hagler, you know, when he was Hagler. | ||
| This is Prime, 30 years old. | ||
| This is as good as it fucking gets. | ||
| 5'9", 160 pounds, and just a fucking dynamo. | ||
| And you know the weirder thing, one of the weirder things about Hagler? | ||
| God, I used to love watching that dude fight. | ||
| He had natural, like, headgear. | ||
| He had really thick muscles. | ||
| Look at that beautiful right hand. | ||
| These guys are winging it at each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, this is crazy! | |
| The thing about Hagler is he also could take a tremendous punch. | ||
| Like, a tremendous punch. | ||
| He was very smart. | ||
| Even in that exchange, he was very smart right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he was very composed. | ||
| But he had natural, thick muscle all above his ears. | ||
| Like, his temple area was almost protected by, like, thick muscle. | ||
| And I don't know what that's from. | ||
| Whether it's, like, from some biting exercises that he had done. | ||
| Because there was a bunch of guys who did have some devices to strengthen your jaw. | ||
| And Jerry Cooney used one before he fought George Foreman. | ||
| I remember seeing it. | ||
| It's like this thing you'd put in his mouth. | ||
| And it was like he would bite down on it and lift weights with it. | ||
| So he's like pulling a cord and lifting weights with his jaw. | ||
| I don't know if Hagrid's was just natural, he was just born with it, but whatever it was, you can kind of see it in the shape of his head. | ||
| Do you see his right in this, Hitman's right, how he pops a right at him? | ||
| He steps to his left, and his arm just goes up like a short distance. | ||
| Fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah, Tommy Hearns broke his hand somewhere in the round. | ||
| Look at those fucking bombs he's throwing at. | ||
| That fucking muscle head. | ||
| Sure you're going to break something. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Well, you throw full power bombs and you hit somebody to the top of the head, something's got to go. | ||
| That top of the head doesn't move very much. | ||
| That's where a lot of guys will break their hands. | ||
| It's hitting guys on the forehead. | ||
| This is just a crazy fight, though. | ||
| Marvin Hagler just absorbing it, and then he starts putting the pressure on Hearns. | ||
| So we're like two minutes into the round now. | ||
| And Hearns is starting to throw weaker and weaker punches and now Hagler is muscling him up against the corner and just beating him down. | ||
| That's one of the big things about Hagler was his endurance, his pace, and just the will that he had. | ||
| Like the will to fight a fight like this where you just stand right in front of a guy like Tommy Hearns and said, dude, you are not gonna knock me out. | ||
| You can't knock me out. | ||
| You don't understand. | ||
| Now you think you can knock me out, but I'm gonna stay right here. | ||
| Like, nobody fought Tommy Hearns like that. | ||
| Everybody wanna stay the fuck away from these punches. | ||
| But Hagler could absorb punches almost like no one else. | ||
| He got knocked down once in his whole career, and it was a bullshit knockdown. | ||
| The referee called it a knockdown, but if you look at it, man, it doesn't look legit. | ||
| Most people agree that it wasn't a good knockdown. | ||
| I don't remember the fighter he fought, too. | ||
| I think it was Juan Roldan. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| But it was more of like he kind of shoved him down than knocked him down. | ||
| You know, when you watch like Tommy Hearns and some other boxers like Roberto Duran or something, you could tell that they were raw talent and walked into a gym and they worked with somebody really good and they learned how to box. | ||
| When I see Marvin Hagler and I see like the guy you were talking about before, that's 49-0. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| When I watch them box, I think that this is as good as it gets. | ||
| When I watched Floyd Mayweather, what I just watched this fucking animal do was stand in front of him, but as intelligent as a boxer can, because we all know if I throw something, that means I'm open. | ||
| He didn't throw a lot being in front of him. | ||
| He's like sucking him in. | ||
| He's doing something to him. | ||
| I see this now as an adult. | ||
| You don't see this when you're twenty fucking two. | ||
| You just see stupidity. | ||
| But this is where I see his smarts. | ||
| He's fucking smart, man. | ||
| Well, he's also forcing Tommy to engage in a war of wills. | ||
| He's doing something that I don't know. | ||
| I'm not a boxer. | ||
| But I can see that he's got a plan. | ||
| He's not like, you know, he's not doing a vandalay just standing in front of you. | ||
| You know, he's very smart. | ||
| Fucking amazing when you watch this type of shit, what you learn. | ||
| He was just such a pleasing boxer to watch the way he moved, too. | ||
| All that bobbing and weaving and head moving. | ||
| You know, Marvin had just that... | ||
| Like, track you down style, too. | ||
| Like, you knew he was coming forward. | ||
| Like, Marvin Hagler wasn't doing any fancy footwork or, you know, doing the Ali shuffle. | ||
| He was moving towards you, looking to break you. | ||
| Always. | ||
| And those Mugabis you mentioned and those other guys, they were fucking killers. | ||
| Killers! | ||
| They were killers in those days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mugabe was a killer! | |
| To explain boxing in those days, it's kind of... | ||
| And today, compare it to... | ||
| It's no comparison. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| You heard him with the left. | ||
| And this is where he starts coming on strong. | ||
| So I think we're in the second round, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think he stops him here, if I remember. | ||
| Boom, boom! | ||
| He stops him in the third? | ||
| Or this is the third? | ||
| No, it's in the third. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So this is where he starts hurting him? | ||
| But he's got his number already. | ||
| Because he's got his number, and he's not even going in like a savage either. | ||
| Again, very composed. | ||
| Watch, he'll tap him again before this round is over. | ||
| And each one of those taps is just cutting at the fucking tree. | ||
| Well, he's not giving him any air either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this shit. | |
| Boom! | ||
| The guys that don't give you any breaks, those guys are the scariest. | ||
| Because you can never recover. | ||
| So if a guy like Tommy Hearns unloads his best shit on you and then breaks his hand, so he's got one hand. | ||
| I don't know which one. | ||
| I believe he hurt his right hand. | ||
| So he's got a left hand, his right hand is all fucked up, and he can't really knock you out with it anymore. | ||
| He's fucked. | ||
| So now he's gonna try to hit you with big left hooks. | ||
| And Marvin never lets him stop. | ||
| Never lets him take that breath. | ||
| Always keeps him moving. | ||
| Always keeps that pressure on him. | ||
| And he's just wilting. | ||
| With every second of every round, he's wilting. | ||
| And in these exchanges where he takes a break, you hit him with some hard shots. | ||
| And you just keep piling it on. | ||
| Keep piling it on. | ||
| That was an exciting, exciting era of boxing. | ||
| You could wear socks all the way up to your knees. | ||
| You had athletic socks with stripes on them. | ||
| For these pay-per-view events, I used to go to the Metalheads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you would go to the Meadowlands racetrack and they would be inclusive in the price of the fucking track that night. | ||
| You'd gamble, watch the fight. | ||
| I forget who I saw Marvin Hagler fight. | ||
| How many times did Hagler fight Tommy Hurts? | ||
| Just once. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Tommy Hearns didn't want no more of this shit. | ||
| Who did Hearns fight a couple times? | ||
| Sugar Ray. | ||
| That's who I saw at the middle of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| The left hook. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| The right hand. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Left hook. | ||
| Right hand. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| How did Tommy Hearns survive this? | ||
| See, now Marvin is pouring it on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at his hands. | ||
| Joe Rogan by his chin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| He hasn't moved. | ||
| Discipline. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Just beautiful. | ||
| Beautiful boxing. | ||
| And look, same pace that he had in the first round. | ||
| I mean, Marvin's just beating down on him. | ||
| Just putting it on him. | ||
| God, this is a great fight. | ||
| Such a great fight. | ||
| So yeah, Tommy makes it out of the second round. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's one of those things, man. | ||
| In your brain, you have a memory, and it's like a false memory. | ||
| Sometimes you have to watch the fight to see it. | ||
| God, that's just the case with everything, though. | ||
| There's so many memories that you have from just a few years ago. | ||
| You wonder, like, man, how did that really go down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Let me watch it again. | ||
| What was that movie really like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, let me watch that fight again. | |
| The human memory is real weird. | ||
| That's the saddest things about these boxers too. | ||
| When they get older and older and more fucked up is, you know, the memory is one of the big ones that goes. | ||
| Well, that's one of the one things that I've heard you talk about. | ||
| Like, let's say somebody has a fight on a Saturday and they have a close decision. | ||
| You'll watch it again Sunday when you get home. | ||
| Then you won't watch it for a few days. | ||
| Let the eat the wear off. | ||
| And then watch it again. | ||
| And you'll see the true winner. | ||
| If you know how to count points and the bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the problem with picking a true winner though? | ||
| I sometimes make subjective decisions in my own head that go back and forth. | ||
| Like I'm not always convinced that I'm right. | ||
| Like, if you look at a guy who lands harder shots but less of them. | ||
| Like, here's a good example. | ||
| Dan Henderson versus Michael Bisping. | ||
| Now, Michael Bisping thinks he won, and the judges think he won, and a lot of people think he won because he landed more shots, controlled more moments of the fight. | ||
| Dan Henderson thinks he won because he hurt Michael Bisping a couple of occasions, beat him up, his face was really battered, and in the first round in particular he came way closer to stopping the fight than Than Bisping ever did to him. | ||
| So I could see that argument as well, that those moments where he had Bisping incredibly damaged should be worth a lot of points. | ||
| I see those arguments, man. | ||
| I don't know who's right or who's wrong, quite honestly. | ||
| I could see both arguments. | ||
| I see Bisping's argument. | ||
| It makes a ton of sense to me. | ||
| He put in more work. | ||
| He landed more shots. | ||
| He came back from getting really badly hurt, which showed amazing heart and cardio. | ||
| I see that argument too. | ||
| So it's like deciding who wins and loses a fight isn't always very clear. | ||
| There's different philosophies. | ||
| Like you talk to a wrestler, he's way more impressed with a guy who takes a guy down a bunch of times than a guy who lands some brutal leg kicks in the third round. | ||
| But if you talk to a Muay Thai guy, he'll go, yeah, well, what happened in those first two rounds? | ||
| Yeah, he took me down, but he didn't do anything once he had me down. | ||
| So the only thing is he's laying on me. | ||
| I'm not getting hurt. | ||
| But in that third round, I fucked him up. | ||
| And you listen to what he said, and you go, wow, that is a good point, because that guy's damaged. | ||
| Like, you damaged his leg. | ||
| Yeah, there's the KO. Woo! | ||
| Show that again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show that final barrage. | |
| Wow, this is 85. Watch this. | ||
| Goddamn, man. | ||
| Yeah, I was in high school, dude. | ||
| This was when I was a senior in high school. | ||
| This was the fight. | ||
| I remember watching this with my jaw just hanging down like, wow! | ||
| Because I thought it was going to be a crazy fight. | ||
| And it was a crazy fight, but I never thought it was going to be this. | ||
| This was so crazy. | ||
| And Marvin Hagler just mauled him. | ||
| I mean, he kind of shut everybody up, man. | ||
| Because there was a lot of people that thought Tommy Hearns was going to knock him out. | ||
| They thought that he had never been hit, so he went a little bit too far back. | ||
| This is where they checked his cut. | ||
| And when they checked his cut, Tommy Hearns had nailed him a couple of times, and Hagler was probably worried about them stopping the fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, that jab. | |
| Ooh, Tommy Hearns had a jab. | ||
| I didn't watch this live. | ||
| God knows what the fuck I was doing. | ||
| I was in Jersey, in Hyden or some shit, in 85. Tommy Hurts had such a good jab. | ||
| Just snap it out at you. | ||
| And with those long arms, he used to keep his hand, like, below his trunks. | ||
| You know, like, below the waistband of his trunks, and just pop it right in your face. | ||
| Like, see how he did it there? | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| That last right hand, and then that left. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That was one of the greatest boxing fights and boxing finishes of all time. | ||
| Of all time. | ||
| Especially, like, it's hard today to understand what it was like when I was in high school when this was going on. | ||
| Because this was, uh, it was just... | ||
| There was no internet, right? | ||
| So this was just word of mouth and radio. | ||
| You'd hear about it on the radio. | ||
| You'd see it in the newspaper. | ||
| You'd look in the sports section. | ||
| It was pay-per-view. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It was pay-per-view. | ||
| You didn't see Dick. | ||
| You had to go somewhere. | ||
| You had to go somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Yeah, you had to go somewhere and you had to watch it in a theater. | ||
| We would pay... | ||
| It was what they would call closed circuit. | ||
| Closed circuit. | ||
| They didn't call it pay-per-view back then. | ||
| You say, oh, well, how do we see the fight? | ||
| Oh, it's closed circuit. | ||
| So you would go there and you'd pay a ticket and then you'd go sit in a movie theater, a bunch of other savages, and you guys would all watch the boxing match together. | ||
| That's how I saw Sugar Ray and Hagler. | ||
| Closed circuit. | ||
| I think I saw, like I said, I saw the Hagler Sugar Ray at the track, and there was another one that I went. | ||
| It wasn't more like seats. | ||
| It was like general admission. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you walked in there like it wasn't like seats and shit. | ||
| I saw a Tyson fight like that. | ||
| It was standing room only. | ||
| They put on this big screen. | ||
| It was outside. | ||
| They put on a big screen, and they played the commentary to the crowd. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was like a giant, almost like a drive-in movie theater, but they had speakers. | ||
| That was in Vegas. | ||
| I fought Frank Bruno. | ||
| And they were fighting in Vegas, but I didn't have the money for the fucking tickets. | ||
| Tickets are stupid expensive. | ||
| That wasn't Tyson. | ||
| It was Tyson! | ||
| It's prime. | ||
| And Frank Bruno might have been the best built guy to ever box heavyweight ever. | ||
| You ever see Frank Bruno? | ||
| Do you remember Frank Bruno? | ||
| I don't remember Frank Bruno. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| The last fight I watched Tyson fight was maybe like when he knocked out Spinks. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| In Atlantic City. | ||
| My friend had a party. | ||
| You know, the whole, I know some fucking first round. | ||
| The pizza didn't even get there. | ||
| I think Bruno was actually before Spinks. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| I think I'm wrong. | ||
| I think I'm wrong. | ||
| I think Spinks was first, then Bruno was later, but... | ||
| I might... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But Frank Bruno... | ||
| So just pull up a picture of him so you can see him. | ||
| But you can see here from the fight, the dude was yoked. | ||
| But some pictures of Frank Bruno are just fucking ridiculous. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| And he was an argument that a lot of boxing trainers used to use that you can't be that muscular and be an effective heavyweight boxer. | ||
| That's Roy Jones, son. | ||
| You're racist. | ||
| Jamie, how dare you. | ||
| Who is that? | ||
| Oh, how dare you? | ||
| It was Roy Jones. | ||
| That's him now, though. | ||
| Look how fat Ricky Hatton got. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Damn, Ricky. | ||
| There's a good picture of him. | ||
| The dude was just jacked. | ||
| And that's him. | ||
| Obviously, he's not even fighting. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| You see, without him even flexing, at full muscle flex, he's still super jacked. | ||
| And he beat a lot of guys up, but Tyson murked him. | ||
| But again, that was when Tyson was Tyson, dude. | ||
| It says, Tyson Bruno won? | ||
| I didn't know they fought twice. | ||
| Oh yeah, I think he stopped him twice. | ||
| Let me ask you, what year was this? | ||
| You just said it. | ||
| 89. How was the testing in those days in boxing? | ||
| There was no testing. | ||
| There was no G testing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Well, that's why these guys showed up fucking, like Ken Norton. | ||
| When I was a kid, Ken Norton was the biggest motherfucker I ever saw in my life. | ||
| Was he g-balling at those times or was Ken Norton all natural? | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the 70s? | |
| Do you think they did that in the 70s? | ||
| There wasn't a lot of options, I think, of steroids. | ||
| I'd like to check what were the options. | ||
| Maybe the Germans had him? | ||
| They definitely had him. | ||
| The Germans had him? | ||
| There was definitely... | ||
| He just looks like an athlete to me. | ||
| Yeah, like an athlete there. | ||
| But there was one fight that Ken Norton did look a little yoked. | ||
| Well, he was a big guy. | ||
| When he fought Muhammad Ali, he broke his jaw. | ||
| I mean, he was a serious athlete, and he was a former pro football player, right? | ||
| Wasn't he? | ||
| It's his marine toughness. | ||
| I believe Ken Norton played professional football, too. | ||
| His son definitely did. | ||
| His son did. | ||
| His son did. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Is that what I'm thinking about? | ||
| I don't know that he didn't. | ||
| I just know that his son definitely did. | ||
| That must be what I'm thinking of. | ||
| But Ken Norton was a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| He actually got... | ||
| He's pretty badly banged up now, but not from boxing. | ||
| He got in a car accident. | ||
| And apparently got really hurt in that car accident. | ||
| Did you see this over the weekend that happened in a boxing fight? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| Juan Manuel Lopez, he take-a-o'd Wilfredo Velasquez Jr., and then went after his trainer, punched his trainer in the face. | ||
| So that dude went down, and then he goes up to the guy's trainer, and I don't know what the fuck the trainer said, but he goes right up to him. | ||
| Dude, they're throwing bombs at each other. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| And then he's pointing at him. | ||
| Why are you pointing at him? | ||
| He started it? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| God, craziness. | ||
| People are nuts. | ||
| But that's a nutty sport. | ||
| You know, like what we were talking about earlier with that whole Floyd Mayweather thing. | ||
| Like that kind of sport. | ||
| You're gonna have things like that. | ||
| You're gonna have people that want to have 30 minute fights in the gym. | ||
| Like 30 minute rounds. | ||
| It's pretty... | ||
| It's ridiculous, but it makes sense when you think of the sport. | ||
| You know, what the sport really kind of represents. | ||
| It's like the extreme nature of those guys who compete in it. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's crazy that the Athletic Commission got pissed at people throwing water bottles, but didn't get pissed at him for doing that. | ||
| It's, you know... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it if you're Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I mean, that's how you become that guy in the first place. | ||
| When you brought up Fedor, there's talk of him fighting Matt Mitrione, supposedly. | ||
| According to someone that I know, that is not true. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Well, that's... | ||
| But, who knows? | ||
| People might be trolling. | ||
| That might be a good fight, though. | ||
| Fedor and Mitrione. | ||
| Fedor and Karwin I like better. | ||
| In Ryzen, in Japan. | ||
| Joe Diaz, Joe Diaz. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Tell me about Chicago. | ||
| Last time I saw fucking Fedor, I love him to death. | ||
| You know, I caught the tail end of Fedor. | ||
| You know, I caught like the two fights before he got armbarred. | ||
| Right. | ||
| By our boy. | ||
| Well, he got armbarred first. | ||
| And you saw the fights that he won before that? | ||
| Yeah, like two fights. | ||
| You turned me on to him. | ||
| And then... | ||
| He beat Bret Rogers, and then I think the next fight after Bret Rogers, I'm pretty sure, was Verdum. | ||
| I didn't catch Fedor in his heydays, is what I'm trying to say. | ||
| So the last couple times, it was like how people said they went to watch Hicks at the end. | ||
| They got a little excited, went down. | ||
| So then he got submitted by Verdum, which you and I discussed. | ||
| This could fucking be doomed for him. | ||
| He's got a nasty guard. | ||
| He's another guy we were talking about. | ||
| Yeah, nasty guard. | ||
| So then I saw a couple pieces of the last fight. | ||
| That was fucking embarrassing. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| That was fucking embarrassing. | ||
| The Fabio Malvinato fight? | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| And Fabio I love. | ||
| I love his fucking jaw that he takes a fight at short notice. | ||
| And then he fought that Indian gentleman before that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Fedor, I mean, now you just want to exploit the guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And that's how people get hurt. | ||
| I don't think Fedor wants to fight. | ||
| He fought for fucking years and he was killing people. | ||
| And all of a sudden he didn't fight for a while and now he wants to make a comeback. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| His brother got out of jail. | ||
| His brother just got out of jail. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, I did read that. | ||
| Ready to fight. | ||
| He's been doing nothing but push-ups and working out in jail. | ||
| He's gonna come out jacked with new tattoos. | ||
| If he wants to fight, I want him to be able to fight. | ||
| Just like I wanted him to be able to fight when he was 20, I want him to be able to fight when he's 40. If he wants to, why not? | ||
| I mean, he knows that it's not good for you. | ||
| He knows the damage that a fighter can take. | ||
| He's been beat up. | ||
| He's been stopped. | ||
| Dan Henderson knocked him out. | ||
| Bigfoot knocked him out. | ||
| Verdum submitted him by a triangle. | ||
| I mean, he's had some goddamn wars and some bad results. | ||
| But before that, he was solid as fuck. | ||
| Not only was he solid as fuck, he was solid as fuck in a division where people are very rarely solid as fuck. | ||
| Heavyweight is traditionally a division, at least in the UFC, where the title changes real quick. | ||
| It's too hard to maintain for whatever reason. | ||
| Up until now, it's been... | ||
| But Fedor, he didn't... | ||
| I don't think he lost to anybody for more than 10 years. | ||
| Yeah, 10 years or something. | ||
| And he fought very good fighters over there. | ||
| He fought very good fighters. | ||
| I mean, he fought Krokop when Krokop was Krokop. | ||
| You know, when Krokop was streaking. | ||
| And he essentially out-kickboxed Krokop. | ||
| You know, I mean, that's what he did in that Pride fight. | ||
| There was a lot of striking involved in that fight. | ||
| And Fedor won. | ||
| He won that fight pretty clearly. | ||
| And again, that was when Krokop was in his prime. | ||
| And Krokop had plenty of chances to stand with him, and he couldn't get the deal closed. | ||
| So there was that fight. | ||
| That was a big fight. | ||
| Submitting Mark Coleman when Mark Coleman was a fucking beast. | ||
| That was a big deal. | ||
| There was a few fights that were really big deals. | ||
| But then there were some fights that didn't happen. | ||
| Here's the biggest one though, Minotauro. | ||
| The Minotauro fight, when Minotauro was in his prime and Fedor beat him down, that is probably his most impressive. | ||
| Because Minotauro back then was fucking scary. | ||
| He was really good. | ||
| I mean, the Minotauro that triangled Mark Coleman, the Minotauro that was just anybody, he got a hold of your neck, like you were getting choked out. | ||
| You know, he was bringing... | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu at a super high level to the heavyweight division. | ||
| And the thing about Minotauro was he could take a shot. | ||
| He could take a shot, especially in his prime, like nobody. | ||
| He was like invulnerable. | ||
| He didn't feel pain. | ||
| You'd crack him, he would take shots, then he'd finish you. | ||
| You know, Krokop beat the shit out of Minotauro for one round. | ||
| I mean, beat the shit out of him. | ||
| And then he head-kicked him at the end of the first round. | ||
| Like, BOOM! And Minotauro thought they stopped the fight, but it was actually the end of the round. | ||
| He thought they stopped the fight when the referee stood up. | ||
| He's like, no! | ||
| No! | ||
| Like, you're not gonna stop this! | ||
| And the guy goes, no, no, no. | ||
| It's just the end of the round. | ||
| He's like, okay, good. | ||
| Second round starts, shoots in, takes Krokop down, armbars him. | ||
| Bitch! | ||
| He was just so tough! | ||
| Fedor beat him down, man. | ||
| Fedor beat him down. | ||
| It was a scary beatdown. | ||
| Like, he had Minotaur in the corner, and he was ground and pounding him with these ferocious, those casting punches that Fedor throws. | ||
| He's not punching like this, like straight. | ||
| He's throwing these crazy Crazy like circular hammers that are going around your gloves like you're holding your gloves up in front of yourself trying to defend yourself and he's throwing these whipping punches that are going behind the gloves and smashing Minotaro's face. | ||
| It was one of the worst beatdowns you ever saw ground and pound in pride like trapped in a corner. | ||
| Because he just worked it, man. | ||
| He hit him with some ferocious punches that not a lot of people would have been able to take. | ||
| He broke his cheekbone. | ||
| He hit him with some bombs, man. | ||
| But that was when Fedor was Fedor. | ||
| So if you look at that fight with Minotauro, you look at that fight with Krokop, like some of his best performances, there's no doubt if he's not the greatest, it's between him and Cain Velasquez, in my opinion, as far as the two greatest heavyweights of all time, and then honorable consideration to Fabrizio Verdum. | ||
| Like, Fabrizio Verdun, despite getting KO'd with one punch by Stipe Miocic, still submitted Cain Velasquez, submitted Minotauro, and submitted Fedor. | ||
| He submitted three all-time greats. | ||
| So those are the three that I think you have to take into consideration as the greatest of all time. | ||
| The only thing you would look and you'd say, well, more people, like, how many people beat each guy? | ||
| You know, how many people beat Minotauro versus how many people beat Fedor versus how many people beat Cain? | ||
| Can you count all that up? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| It's just, you know, it's hard. | ||
| It doesn't really make sense. | ||
| Like, trying to figure out who's the greatest of all time. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| But if it is... | ||
| Tomorrow a new guy comes along and we've been waiting some time for 20 minutes. | ||
| The thing about Fedor, though, is that he did it for so long. | ||
| No, he did it for the longest fucking time. | ||
| I tapped into him, like I said. | ||
| Towards the end, and when he lost, he got the armbar from Verdum, it was like I wasn't surprised. | ||
| You could see the deterioration. | ||
| They were trying to exploit him at that time with the UFC. They were asking for money. | ||
| They didn't know what they wanted to do with him. | ||
| It was like they knew something. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| It's like when that team calls you up and they try to give you the home run fucking champion in the last eight years miraculously on a Tuesday. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, why do I deserve this fucking call? | ||
| They knew something. | ||
| And he started losing a couple fights and he retired shortly after. | ||
| Well, he lost three in a row, which is really crazy. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the first one, you know, he loses by submission, you know, but it was a mistake. | ||
| He followed Verdum to the ground. | ||
| He hit him. | ||
| He had Verdum hurt. | ||
| He thought he had him hurt. | ||
| Verdum just set a trap, locked him up tight, got him with that nasty guard. | ||
| But the second one was bad. | ||
| Second one, he fought Bigfoot. | ||
| And that was when Bigfoot was Bigfoot. | ||
| That's when Bigfoot was on that testosterone, too. | ||
| That's when they allowed them to do it because, you know, Bigfoot had a pituitary gland tumor. | ||
| So he had like legitimate gigantisms. | ||
| He's a guy who actually needed testosterone. | ||
| He really did need it. | ||
| And he was jacked! | ||
| And he got on top of Fedor, and he just... | ||
| Boom, boom, boom! | ||
| He stopped him. | ||
| And, you know, people forget that Bigfoot, despite the fact that he's an enormous guy, or not just despite, rather, but as well as being an enormous guy, he's also Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. | ||
| Like, legit. | ||
| That guy mounts you, you're fucked. | ||
| It's a 300-pound giant person mounted you with black belt skills. | ||
| And he's dropping these fucking laptops on your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| So that was a bad beating. | ||
| And then Henderson KO'd him. | ||
| And the Henderson one was, you know, Henderson's a 185-pounder, which is even crazier. | ||
| So he went from a 300-pound man KO'ing him to a 185-pound man KO'ing him. | ||
| And by the way, Henderson, not a big 185. Like, Henderson's not as big as some guys that have fought at 170. That's how hard he fucking punches. | ||
| Henderson's tiny. | ||
| I wouldn't say that to his face. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Not that he's tiny, tiny, tiny. | ||
| But he's... | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| You know, you watch pro football, right? | ||
| You look at those defensive backs. | ||
| And all of a sudden you see him after the game and you're like, that guy ain't that fucking big. | ||
| The way he's hitting. | ||
| You know, he's lighting people up. | ||
| But he's 5'9", 185. The momentum's with you, Jack. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a perfect size for all that shit. | ||
| How big is Ocho Cinco? | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| You'd be a shot. | ||
| Yeah, you were just saying that. | ||
| I'll look him up as official, but I'd guess 6'1", 185. That seems like, to be at your fastest, seems like that's a good weight for those guys, right? | ||
| 195 to 205. 185. You know, if you're a good defensive back, you're 185. You're banging up against motherfuckers. | ||
| 188. So what do you think, like, the lightest guy that plays in the NFL ways? | ||
| What's a super light guy? | ||
| 175 and a DB. Wow, really? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Let's check it. | ||
| I gotta... | ||
| Listen, there's fucking receivers that'll pick you up. | ||
| And throw you out of the stadium. | ||
| They got tight ends that are fucking 6'6", 265. And they got, you know, what's the shit they say to people when they break them down? | ||
| Oh! | ||
| 155. Look at this guy. | ||
| Oh my god, what's the top? | ||
| Tip the scale at 119. What's that? | ||
| Back up a little there. | ||
| Back up so we can see better. | ||
| It was from another story, it didn't have the whole thing on. | ||
| Oh, I see, I see. | ||
| But he's a receiver. | ||
| So one guy said, one guy weighed 155 pounds? | ||
| Was that recent or was that back in the day? | ||
| Yeah, that was the current player. | ||
| But let me tell you something about that 155. That 155 is running fucking right past you. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I could bet my life that if they let him play at 155, it's because either he's going to come in one player game and just do a four fucking... | ||
| 4-4-3. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| I don't have to tell you nothing. | ||
| It's all the same shit. | ||
| That guy has to come in. | ||
| But if he gets hit... | ||
| He ain't getting hit. | ||
| He's going to get caught from behind, if anything. | ||
| They're going to grab his leg. | ||
| The guy's going to dive like Pete Rose and grab his leg. | ||
| You ain't going to hit him. | ||
| Is this him doing drills, Jamie? | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| I want to see it. | ||
| Looks like a guy running. | ||
| It's not so impressive unless you're there. | ||
| I think there's something lost in a video of a guy running, you know? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Like, you ever see a guy, like, work out live? | ||
| And, you know, you're super impressed, but you see it in a video and you're like, ah, not that big a deal. | ||
| It's hard to... | ||
| Is this him running the ball back? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's what they do. | ||
| Look how fast that guy is! | ||
| Yeah, that's what I told you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| They're paying him for that. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Look at him go. | ||
| And 42 is lightning. | ||
| 56 is pretty fast himself. | ||
| Look at him go. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, hey, that's the benefit of being 160 pounds. | ||
| That's why you got him. | ||
| Watch this one. | ||
| Now, this guy, they said 165. Is that what they said, Jamie? | ||
| Is it a different guy? | ||
| 57155. Oh, this is the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| 57155. They've tried to hit him. | ||
| They've tried to grab his leg. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He's so fast. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| He's like a ghost. | ||
| Look, they're diving in front of him. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| The current best running back in college football right now is about his size. | ||
| He's a little bit bigger than 155, but he's 5'7", maybe like 175, and he can't be stopped because they can't see him. | ||
| What happened to that white dude right there? | ||
| Back that up just a couple seconds ago. | ||
| I mean, obviously I'm not a fucking commentator. | ||
| A little bit before that. | ||
| Watch this guy. | ||
| Watch this white dude that's waiting down there. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| He's like, oh, I don't do anything. | ||
| He's the punter. | ||
| He can't take him out if you're the punter? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He's about... | ||
| So what was he doing standing there faking him out? | ||
| Some punters don't give a fuck, Jack. | ||
| They had a couple cocktails before the game. | ||
| They'll throw that shoulder in there. | ||
| But that's all you're going to get out of him is a good shoulder. | ||
| That guy just stood there. | ||
| Show that again. | ||
| That guy just stood there in front of him. | ||
| And, like, faked him out. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| Like he's running. | ||
| He's probably trying to steer him out of bounds, but he can't tackle. | ||
| He doesn't practice tackling. | ||
| He can't tackle him? | ||
| He's not allowed? | ||
| Well, maybe not. | ||
| See? | ||
| He just, like, faked him out. | ||
| Whoa, I don't have pads on. | ||
| Don't hit me. | ||
| Does the punter wear the same pads? | ||
| Not usually, because they have to kick their leg up higher. | ||
| They have different stuff on. | ||
| They have a smaller helmet, too. | ||
| Less protection. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| You can't touch the punter. | ||
| It's a violation. | ||
| So he's not going to be padded up to the gazills. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But he could still trip this motherfucker. | ||
| He can? | ||
| He's allowed to? | ||
| You're getting 300 G's a year. | ||
| You got to do something. | ||
| Do something. | ||
| You just kicked the ball into his hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He ran it back. | ||
| If he runs back to you, you fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, you fucked up. | ||
| That means you fucked up somewhere. | ||
| You put it in his range. | ||
| Trip him! | ||
| See, the punter, what you want to do is... | ||
| Let's go to the fucking videotape here. | ||
| This is the scoreboard right here, right, Joe Rogan? | ||
| This is the field. | ||
| If I'm a punter, my job is... | ||
| You see where that six-yard line is? | ||
| Watch, here's the punter. | ||
| This guy's 250 pounds. | ||
| That's the punter that just checked that dude? | ||
| Yeah, this big guy, 99. Why'd that other guy get mad at him and elbow him? | ||
| Are they excited? | ||
| They're happy. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Like, what my daughters would think is an aggressive, you know, like, don't fucking hit me with guys after they're playing football. | ||
| That's a good thing. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| See, watch. | ||
| This other guy runs into him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Watch this. | ||
| Yeah, motherfucker. | ||
| Like, he's excited. | ||
| He, like, double palms him on his chest, but that's, like, because he likes him. | ||
| So Joe Rogan, he wants to have the ball here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When I'm paying you, I don't want the ball to land in here. | ||
| Yeah, he's only got momentum from here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I want the ball to land always on the six-yard line right here. | ||
| This is where I want the ball. | ||
| On the ends. | ||
| In that deep territory. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I got more support. | ||
| I can get him from the inside. | ||
| This motherfucker kicked in here. | ||
| He's fucking doing a fire. | ||
| He's 5'8", 180 pounds. | ||
| What do you think he's going to do? | ||
| So if you kick a ball to a guy right there, you put it right there for him, he should be shot and hung. | ||
| You should at least recover and tackle him or bite him or do something. | ||
| You're already fucked up with the punter already. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| You want to put that ball where he's going to have the most help. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| When we're talking about baseball and all the Pete Rose stuff, you can't run into dudes anymore and you're seeing the softening of society. | ||
| How are they going to soften up football? | ||
| They have, you can't spear helmet no more. | ||
| Like, can you go on to... | ||
| But it's still pretty fucking brutal, right? | ||
| The Raiders, you remember, because at this time you were a kid and people talked about it, the Raiders had a reputation as bad motherfuckers. | ||
| I mean, one of their guys crippled a dude on Monday Night Football. | ||
| Jack Tatum fucking crippled the guy with a hit. | ||
| Helmet first, you know, into the spine. | ||
| Did he do it on purpose? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| But that's the reputation you have. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What he is, that reputation has grown. | ||
| You know, with all the Matuzaks and all those crazy motherfuckers who hit themselves in the head with helmets and all that shit. | ||
| Does it sell tickets? | ||
| It sells tickets. | ||
| I mean, now with all the softening, I don't know. | ||
| It takes away. | ||
| I don't need to see a guy on his back, bro, with his parents at home on their feet watching their son on the TV thing and his body shaking because he just jolted his neck. | ||
| I think of that shit, too. | ||
| Well, I have a friend who went to a high school game recently, and I think he said five kids got laid out in a high school game. | ||
| He said they just cracked into each other. | ||
| And, you know, seeing these kids lying on the ground with their bell rung. | ||
| He said he saw it five different times. | ||
| He might have said six, man. | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| But he was shocked. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Those two guys, oh, my God. | ||
| They double smashed into this dude. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He gets the ball. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That guy's not going home for a couple weeks. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You see how his helmet went back like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's horrible. | ||
| Is that him? | ||
| No, that's another play. | ||
| It's another guy? | ||
| It's like the top ten hits highlight thing. | ||
| I was just putting it up while you guys were talking. | ||
| I thought they were showing him smiling afterwards. | ||
| Like, we're okay. | ||
| Everything's fine. | ||
| I think he broke his jaw in that play. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Yeah, if the helmet goes back that hard. | ||
| Look at these things. | ||
| Well, see, there's the potential. | ||
| Is that a fine? | ||
| Is that a violation, Jamie? | ||
| That's going to be a fine because he led with his elbow and he knocked him out. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You see on the replay here, he's the guy that dove into him. | ||
| Because when the quarterback slides like that, Joe, they're not allowed to hit him at all. | ||
| They're giving up their body. | ||
| So they're not allowed to be touched basically at all. | ||
| You've got to let him just hit the ground. | ||
| And he was already flying in and hit him with the elbow, which also hit him in the head. | ||
| So he probably got fined $25,000, $30,000 for this. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Do that again. | ||
| Let me see this again. | ||
| But see, since he's sliding feet first, you're not allowed to even touch him. | ||
| You're supposed to just let up. | ||
| Yeah, but he's already in a position where he can't stop. | ||
| Too bad. | ||
| You gotta have better control. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| That's what they say. | ||
| You just gotta have better control. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I'm looking at this, and it didn't look intentional to me. | ||
| I mean, you could definitely argue that it's not intentional. | ||
| I mean, it seems like the guy is sliding, and he's on top of him already. | ||
| He's gotta kinda roll with it. | ||
| Do you think he knew that he was hitting him in the face? | ||
| Not one. | ||
| We were just literally just talking about that specific one. | ||
| You can see him throw out his elbow, so it looks like he's doing a little bit extra with the elbow. | ||
| But then they'll get into arbitration things like they also do with some of the MMA things. | ||
| They'll have lawyers argue some of this stuff out. | ||
| So what happened with that Tom Brady situation, it drug out for two years, and they finally just took his four-game suspension. | ||
| See, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's hard to say. | ||
| Now the problem we're having is Joe Rogan. | ||
| Okay, I go back and I look at my high school. | ||
| I look at the kids I grew up for those four years. | ||
| I knew how they practiced. | ||
| I knew how they worked out. | ||
| And I knew how they hit each other. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And then some of them went on to college and did what the fuck they had to do. | ||
| Are any of them fucked up today? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Maybe drugs. | ||
| Head to head. | ||
| That dude head to head KO'd that guy. | ||
| So what? | ||
| You know why five kids went out at your friend's high school game? | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Now we're bread and buttering them. | ||
| Show that one again. | ||
| And they're not used to getting hit no more. | ||
| We're bread and buttering? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| We're putting doubts in their heads. | ||
| So even at practice, we're just going like this now. | ||
| We're just going like this. | ||
| It's like when you and I go to a karate competition and it's... | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This is horrible. | ||
| This one's horrible. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Look how, like, his body goes backwards. | ||
| He's unconscious. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| His head... | ||
| Oh, when the helmet goes off, you know you're fucked, right? | ||
| That's a headache. | ||
| That's visions. | ||
| That's Japanese people yelling in the night. | ||
| That's what you hear in the middle of the night. | ||
| Look at him, man. | ||
| Out cold. | ||
| No, you need to be a parent and watching this on TV at any level. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's what I don't like about this. | ||
| He's snoring. | ||
| Out cold. | ||
| That is... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kadoom! | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He took it to the temple sideways, head to head. | ||
| Now, that kind of shit. | ||
| Is that on purpose? | ||
| That's a head. | ||
| That's football. | ||
| Yeah, that was the shoulder. | ||
| That's kind of what you're taught to do. | ||
| That's what you're taught to do. | ||
| So just part of the consequences of... | ||
| Big giant guys running around. | ||
| Oh, it was his shoulders that hit him. | ||
| So I thought it was head-to-head. | ||
| Look at his waist, Joe Roman. | ||
| Look at his back. | ||
| Look how everything twisted. | ||
| It's not just the head contact. | ||
| It's that spine contact. | ||
| That's what makes... | ||
| All together, you just see a fucking bolt of lightning and shit. | ||
| Look at that spine contact. | ||
| His whole thing twisted. | ||
| That's why he put his arms up. | ||
| Is that the guy that got knocked out that was sitting there with the dreadlocks on? | ||
| Shitty editing in this video. | ||
| They've fucked with me twice. | ||
| I was going to show you the next... | ||
| This is what the alternative to this is right now. | ||
| There's some tackle non-pad leagues. | ||
| And so there's seven on seven. | ||
| There's less guys running around. | ||
| I don't know that anybody wants to pay to watch this though. | ||
| This is the problem. | ||
| Well, the idea used to be that... | ||
| Having pads was good for you and having helmets is good for you. | ||
| But now they're thinking that it's not and that you're going to do things like that where you wouldn't do those kind of things. | ||
| Joe Rogan, we're going back to your fucking brain argument. | ||
| If the brain doubled in two million years or whatever the fucking thing, our strength also doubled. | ||
| The things that we're able to do with our bodies also doubled. | ||
| And even though you're a well-conditioned football player and you're prepared for hits like this, you're not prepared for me if I'm fucking deadlifting 750. And I'm doing certain exercises to make my hits even better. | ||
| Because there's some guy like the guys we talk about, like the trainers we talk about, that are working on specific movements. | ||
| Like they worked on specific movements for MMA. We were talking about like Joey Alvarado works on the Turkish getup. | ||
| Well, there's people now in football that have said, you know what, I've been watching football for 20 years. | ||
| And this is the workout I'm implying. | ||
| And this makes a guy like you at 20, fucking 22, you're the strongest you've ever been. | ||
| 24, you're out of college. | ||
| You're bench pressing 350, 350, even if you're fucking 185. You're bench pressing now in high school, 325. It's not what it used to be, 285, the national average of these. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Look at the results of these combines 20 years ago, 30 years ago, and what these kids are doing now. | ||
| Speed-wise, strength-wise, flexibility-wise. | ||
| So there's a guy that has broken down the kinesiology of a football hit, okay? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And maybe put it in a workout. | ||
| I'm hitting you double than what I used to hit you. | ||
| What? | ||
| 930-pound squat by a Texas high school junior. | ||
| This is what I'm talking about. | ||
| That's a junior in high school? | ||
| They've improved form. | ||
| They've improved 7 foot, 440 pounds. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You know. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've grown. | |
| He's so big. | ||
| And, okay, 50 years ago, a 7 foot guy couldn't walk around. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Now he's playing basketball. | ||
| He's agile. | ||
| For years, a 7 foot guy couldn't put weight on. | ||
| Look at that fucking kid. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The biggest football player we've ever seen. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's in high school. | ||
| He's going to get paid. | ||
| They're bringing him cars already. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's going to get paid. | ||
| They're bringing him women in a car with a trunk prepared already. | ||
| We guys are going to shoot him and put him in the trunk and say, we'll see you and bring him young. | ||
| That guy has to be the mountain for Halloween, right? | ||
| No, why would you be anything else? | ||
| I would just have fucking armor. | ||
| Just different outfits that the mountain wears. | ||
| No, just like the brain has grown, we've gotten stronger. | ||
| We've gotten way stronger. | ||
| Our workouts for particular things have gotten more focused. | ||
| Is that what you more pinpoint for what you're doing, for what exercise? | ||
| Well, they understand what's beneficial and what's different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they also understand when you're recovering. | ||
| We're hitting harder than ever, Jack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| In 20 years, we're going to be hitting even harder. | ||
| You're going to see jaws flying right off the fucking face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In some MMA fight, you're going to see a jaw just snap open in a hole in the side of somebody's head. | ||
| Because somebody's going to be hitting that much fucking harder. | ||
| You know, 30 years ago, look at this. | ||
| You know, they were hitting in the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Well, what's interesting to me is when you start talking about the brain getting bigger and bodies getting faster... | ||
| That dude was a killer. | ||
| That dude was a killer. | ||
| I do as a kill, straight up. | ||
| What's interesting to me about these athletes getting better and faster and stronger and brains getting bigger is I wonder what it's going to be like. | ||
| You know, they talk about the human brain doubled over two million years. | ||
| Why would we assume that that's stopped? | ||
| You know, maybe it's just a long, long, long process of Brain getting bigger, people getting bigger, people getting stronger, people getting faster. | ||
| What's the performance of a person going to look like? | ||
| If it's increased that much since the 1960s, have we reached a bottleneck, like a physical bottleneck, and we'll be able to fix that with genetic engineering? | ||
| Well, now we're pointing on being even stronger and faster, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know, but this is where USADA, that whole USADA thing gets real interesting. | ||
| And they're doing a noble pursuit, right? | ||
| They're trying to clean up the game, stop all the cheaters, people getting popped left and right. | ||
| I go on the underground news section at mixedmartialarts.com and every couple days some new person's flagged. | ||
| You find out this guy got flagged, that guy got flagged. | ||
| So they're catching people for sure, but what are they going to do? | ||
| What are they going to do when science starts stepping in? | ||
| And improving people, you know? | ||
| I mean, it seems to me like it's pretty fucking inevitable. | ||
| I mean, right now, in mixed martial arts, let's just take the UFC for example. | ||
| If I was a manager, I'd tell my client, listen, I don't give a fuck what you're thinking. | ||
| Please don't embarrass me. | ||
| They're gonna catch you. | ||
| Yeah, but fighters don't want to be honest about that kind of shit. | ||
| I know, but you know what? | ||
| As a man to man, they're going to catch you, bro. | ||
| You might be them this time. | ||
| I know a lot of motherfuckers were dead, but they're going to catch you. | ||
| And they're going to catch you at a time when you don't need it. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| Apparently they don't know how to spot human growth hormone very well. | ||
| It's like speculative whether or not they could catch people doing that. | ||
| That might be one of the reasons why they're holding piss and blood for so long. | ||
| They hold your sample for like nine years. | ||
| They freeze it. | ||
| So as the tests get better and better and better, they pull things back. | ||
| And then, you know, if you're still competing, they'll fucking fine you and suspend you five, six years from now. | ||
| That is the fucking kinkiest shit. | ||
| You're gonna hold my piss for nine fucking years. | ||
| What type of freaky motherfucker are you? | ||
| What do you think is going to pop in there? | ||
| Well, they already got rid of two Olympic gold medalists from Russia. | ||
| Two wrestlers in 2008. They both pissed positive for something where they tested negative then. | ||
| They held on to their sample and now the screenings got much better and they just caught them. | ||
| They removed their gold medal. | ||
| Two Olympic medalists. | ||
| Gold medalists. | ||
| You can't have no fun no more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Studs, too. | |
| You look at them, you're like, how's that guy on steroids? | ||
| Should've just assumed. | ||
| These Russians, man, they have a different thing going on over there. | ||
| That's state-sponsored. | ||
| No one's trying to cover that up. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why they came that close to getting kicked out of the Olympics in Rio. | ||
| They were talking about kicking the entire Russian team out of the Olympics. | ||
| It's like, you fucking people have state-sponsored doping. | ||
| And I think their eyes is like, everybody's doing it. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Let's just do it the right way. | ||
| So they just grow you into it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You get to a certain age, you're a bodybuilder. | ||
| Let's say you get to a certain age and you're a wrestler. | ||
| At a certain age, they just make you go somewhere. | ||
| It's like Cuba. | ||
| I think there's probably some of that going on. | ||
| No, no, there's always some of that going on. | ||
| They make you go somewhere and the doctors check you out and they give you shots. | ||
| They tell you they're vitamins. | ||
| They'll tell you everything that you fucking... | ||
| What's this guy? | ||
| Is this another one? | ||
| This is one. | ||
| This is one of them? | ||
| One of the two wrestlers. | ||
| Oh, this guy got stripped of a bronze medal. | ||
| Another guy got stripped of a gold. | ||
| If it's state run, they level with you and it's Russian. | ||
| They don't even level with you. | ||
| What date is this? | ||
| When did this article come out, Jamie? | ||
| Is it recent? | ||
| No, actually. | ||
| I lost it. | ||
| Anyway, point is... | ||
| It's from 2012. Yeah, there's two guys that they just did it to from the 2008 Olympics. | ||
| And I'm pretty sure they were both gold medalists. | ||
| But, you know, it's like we were talking about with USADA earlier. | ||
| It's a weird business, man. | ||
| Weird business. | ||
| But, you know, fighting's a weird business. | ||
| That's why, you know, you look at that Floyd Mayweather gym fight thing. | ||
| What other sport would they make you have a basketball game to the death? | ||
| Like, no time limits, no scoring points. | ||
| You just rack it up. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| You know, there's periods. | ||
| Like, everybody plays by rules. | ||
| Not boxing. | ||
| Like, it's a compelling thing to have a 30-minute round. | ||
| You could die doing that kind of shit. | ||
| Like, that is how people can die. | ||
| Well, that's how that shit gets exposed, for real. | ||
| Once somebody dies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Easily. | ||
| Can you imagine if they tested comedians? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Drug-tested comedians. | ||
| Like, certain chains, like the improv, or the punchlines, like, chains that have, like, five clubs said, listen, we gotta drug test you a week before you come into our club to make sure that, you know, can you imagine that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ridiculous. | |
| If it ever got to any level, saw it like this. | ||
| I'm not even worried about me. | ||
| I'm just saying... | ||
| You know, just the general. | ||
| I'm worried about you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You're not worried about me? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| If they start testing for drugs, I'm not worried about you. | ||
| I'm terrified for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| We just smoke reefer. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a drug. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| If it's like UPS, what if like... | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Honestly, you know what could have happened? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know what could have happened? | ||
| All they would have to do is say something like, maybe someone was really high and they were on stage and they said something really ridiculous and the club got sued. | ||
| And so they'd say, we now have a no marijuana policy because the guy was on that fucking devil's cabbage and he said some ridiculous shit and our club got sued. | ||
| That's all it would take. | ||
| For like one big chain, like maybe Yuck Yucks or the Improv or something like that, they just decided, we do not care what you do in your own time, but we require, when you work for us, that you have a marijuana metabolite level of less than whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| So, alright, they would test you when you got to town? | ||
| They'd have to test you beforehand? | ||
| They'd just show up at your house like USADA? A week before you got to the gig, they show up at your house like USADA, and then once you get there, they're gonna test you again, or do I have the whole weekend to get out? | ||
| They're gonna test you again at the end of the week to determine whether or not you have violated their laws. | ||
| Those tests are expensive as fuck. | ||
| Are the pot ones like from Quest Diagnostics? | ||
| That's like a thousand bucks, I think. | ||
| Which one's the one over the counter at the pharmacy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You go to Quest Diagnostics. | ||
| That's completely different. | ||
| That's what UFC uses. | ||
| I don't think it's that much. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
| So you're going to cost me two grand just to come into my fucking club. | ||
| Just to make sure the improv doesn't get sued, sir. | ||
| Eight grand a month. | ||
| You've said some very defamatory things in the past about Mother Teresa. | ||
| A hundred thousand a year in piss tests. | ||
| $100,000 a year costs you a company. | ||
| You're a very controversial man, Joey Diaz, and the business that we're in here at The Improv is providing with families with laughter, okay? | ||
| Some of the things that you said, you know, quite honestly, I believe in freedom of speech, but I find it offensive. | ||
| Now, okay, so now we got nowhere to run but to go to the rock clubs and do comedy. | ||
| Well, when you go to the rock club, then it's cool because you're your own promoter. | ||
| That's like fighting in Japan. | ||
| Well, that's what Stan Hope did. | ||
| Yeah, that's like fighting in Japan. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I'll fight in Japan. | ||
| Fuck you motherfuckers. | ||
| Hey, you coming in on this election night thing that Stan Hope and I are doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You said something the other day. | ||
| It's like a live podcast. | ||
| We're just going to hang out. | ||
| We're at the main room? | ||
| Yeah, in the main room. | ||
| What we're going to do is we're going to look at the results. | ||
| We're going to have like a laptop or something that streams the results. | ||
| And we're going to just talk some shit while the election's going on. | ||
| Most likely, it will have nothing to do with the fucking election. | ||
| Can I just tell you one thing, dog? | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| You know I'm a criminal. | ||
| Yes, you can vote. | ||
| Not proud, it happened. | ||
| No, I can't vote, but that Hillary's a criminal, dog. | ||
| Well, they did reopen the investigation into her email servers. | ||
| No, I'm not even talking about that stuff. | ||
| She's been a criminal for fucking 20 years. | ||
| Trump ain't no better. | ||
| We're in a bad position. | ||
| Again, I got no dog in this fight. | ||
| This is from an honest fucking book. | ||
| Who do you prefer out of those two? | ||
| I really wanted Bernie Sanders to come back. | ||
| I don't know if Bernie was the best choice, but if we could keep him around for three years, shoot him, and then come up with a fucking good present like somebody pops up. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like we shoot Bernie Sanders. | ||
| If they shot Bernie Sanders, he would be... | ||
| I've just heard... | ||
| I read some New York Times thing about a week ago about arms that are Clinton Foundation sold and shit. | ||
| Well, it's not that direct. | ||
| It's very complicated. | ||
| It's people who were donors to the Clinton Foundation, received deals. | ||
| Didn't my man Ollie North get in trouble for shit like this? | ||
| No, Ollie North got in trouble for, that was when the Sandinistas were fighting the Contras and they were shipping arms illegally to those people. | ||
| They were providing arms illegally. | ||
| These are emails about arms, right? | ||
| I don't know what the emails are about. | ||
| But there's a lot of them. | ||
| 30,000 emails that got deleted after a subpoena. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you know, the crazy thing is... | ||
| One of the weird things that's going on with this election is that everybody loves that a woman, like they're looking at the bright side of things, right? | ||
| They're trying to look at the bright side. | ||
| They think it's gonna be Lilith fuckin' Fair. | ||
| And it's not gonna be no Lilith fuckin' Fair. | ||
| This ain't no chicks with guitars and bare feet. | ||
| That wench bag is 180, alright? | ||
| And she's going straight to the clutches of hell. | ||
| Do you understand me? | ||
| Straight to the clutches of hell. | ||
| Her crooked husband. | ||
| The night she gets into the White House, the lights will all turn red. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| You'll hear, like, satanic music playing, and the earth will shake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And Trump ain't no better. | |
| Trump ain't no better. | ||
| But you also gotta remember one thing about this fucking moron, okay? | ||
| Because I've been thinking about it from an objective point of view. | ||
| I'm no fucking Phi Beta Kappa. | ||
| He's not a politician, bro. | ||
| He was never really a politician. | ||
| I mean, he should not even be encouraged to do something like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So the shit he's talking about, you know, grabbing people's pussies, the thing that pissed me off the most about that shit, you know how many times I've seen a woman with a big fucking 60-pound monkey walking at me when I'm outside, and I said to myself, I would grab that motherfucker right now. | ||
| LAUGHTER Bro, when I was a sophomore in high school, I had this Italian girl in my class that wore clogs. | ||
| She was a little on the heavy side, but she was beautiful. | ||
| This girl could stop a fucking clock. | ||
| She was so beautiful. | ||
| But her little monkey weighed like 70 pounds when she was a sophomore. | ||
| And she sat behind me, and I just went to school just to look at her monkey. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck about the rest of the day. | ||
| I hadn't even seen the vagina at this time. | ||
| But through her fucking pants, you had to see this fucking monster. | ||
| As she walked past you, you would hear her go... | ||
| Me and my buddy... | ||
| Like one of those Halloween decorations and senses when you're close to it? | ||
| Me and my buddy Stinky would collaborate. | ||
| Did you see it yet? | ||
| Yeah, I saw. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That means what a pussy looked like. | ||
| Like right through the jeans, it was just a mountain. | ||
| It was just a fucking mountain. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I remember her walking by me going, what would it take for me to have the balls to just fucking grab it and just hold on to that savage for a minute because it was beautiful. | ||
| But the difference is... | ||
| But I didn't grab it. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
13 going until 11. He was 60. Oh, okay. | |
| I get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| You know, Billy Burr was on... | ||
| I was actually on his podcast the other day, and we were talking about it. | ||
| And, you know, we were saying, like, we've heard worse. | ||
| We've heard worse from friends that are trying to make each other laugh. | ||
| And you're saying shit that's not true. | ||
| And I said, Joey Diaz would say something way worse than that, and he would be crying laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you're out actually grabbing girls' pussies, but you would say... | ||
| If her feet look like mine, I'll fucking stab her. | ||
| Like, you would say something, like, you know... | ||
| You know, the other day I was someone I told Sam, not Sam Trippley, the other guy, Steve Simone. | ||
| I go, you see that girl? | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| 48, whatever. | ||
| I'm 53. You're never gonna see that ever again. | ||
| Have you ever seen like a nice looking couple now? | ||
| Like he's 26 and she's 22 and they're both beautiful. | ||
| She got perky little tits. | ||
| She's banging her legs a suntan. | ||
| And you're thinking to yourself, this little young savage must be going home tearing that pussy up. | ||
| And you think back to your little 26-year-old in the afternoons where you take him home and rub him down and give him a good stab. | ||
| You come like three times, the whole fucking thing. | ||
| That never happens no more. | ||
| Like at this stage, you look at that and go, that'll never happen. | ||
| You would think of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The other day, all these guys are like, look at that young girl. | ||
| And I'm going, look at her. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| That'll never happen again in my world. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I will never see a woman naked like that ever again. | ||
| Let me tell you a story about my friend Jay. | ||
| My friend Jay has a friend who's a Texas oil millionaire. | ||
| Like, he bought a ranch. | ||
| He bought a hunting ranch, like, to go hunt deer on it. | ||
| That's all he does. | ||
| Guy's 62. Guy's never had a kid, okay? | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| I think he's been married and divorced. | ||
| Maybe never married. | ||
| Might be never married, never had a kid. | ||
| Doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Like literally doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| And every couple years, you know, however long it takes, he's got some new 24-year-old perfect girlfriend. | ||
| And he just buys them a bunch of shit, takes them places, and then eventually they're like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| He's like, well, y'all take care. | ||
| And he just goes and gets them another one. | ||
| And he's like, I want you to come meet the new one. | ||
| But this guy is the quintessential crazy Texas oil man. | ||
| So this guy goes to Africa. | ||
| And he goes, what'd you do over in Africa? | ||
| I was like, shit, we went hunting. | ||
| He goes, what'd you shoot? | ||
| He goes, Noah's Ark. | ||
| Two of everything. | ||
| So he just goes up. | ||
| He stayed over in Africa for a month just shooting things with this 24-year-old girl he was banging. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| 62. Can you imagine? | ||
| He had a bunch of different bypasses, too. | ||
| He's had more than one heart bypass. | ||
| Like, he's fucked. | ||
| Like, he ain't got much time left. | ||
| This guy's just partying on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| I think if I saw a pussy younger than 30, I would have a bypass. | ||
| Right there, my heart would split open. | ||
| I don't want to see it. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Like, I don't. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Where would you have the energy to keep up with that? | ||
| Like, all you 22-year-olds that want to fuck like rabbits, you don't have mortgages? | ||
| I mean, all you have to do is be awake when you show up for work. | ||
| So that's your responsibility when you're 22, unless you fucked up horribly and got yourself into some real serious position of responsibility. | ||
| But most of us at 22, you know, you barely, you show up for work, if you got fired, you're trying to get another job anyway, you're already thinking about quitting. | ||
| So when you're home, and you're home with some girls also 22, you gotta just... | ||
| Two buzz saws just chewing up a piece of wood. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| Just chopping through your own young angst, trying to get rid of cum. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That'll never happen again, Trevor. | ||
| Never happen again, though. | ||
| Well, it might, but it's not going to happen in this life. | ||
| No. | ||
| It might happen all over again. | ||
| Like I said, I don't even want to see a vagina if it's under 40 anymore. | ||
| It would give me a heart attack. | ||
| I don't need that in my life. | ||
| You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately? | ||
| Why so many cultures think about reincarnation? | ||
| Why so many cultures believe you do this over and over and over again? | ||
| Why so many people think you come back? | ||
| It's like, you know, the idea that we live and we die, that's what someone who's an atheist wants, you believe. | ||
| You're born and you die, and they might be right. | ||
| I don't know who's right or who's wrong. | ||
| But it is kind of fucking weird that so many different cultures have this idea that you live again. | ||
| What if you just keep doing this? | ||
| Would that freak you out? | ||
| Like, I'm enjoying life, right? | ||
| But why is the prospect of doing this over and over again forever? | ||
| Like, what if you had to live your childhood? | ||
| Like, your childhood, Joey, was a very tumultuous and crazy fucking childhood, but it made you you. | ||
| If you knew that you had to start all over again, and you were gonna close your eyes for the last time, and you're gonna wake up in that hospital room in North Bergen, New Jersey, or in Cuba, And you can do the whole thing again. | ||
| The same way. | ||
| Same way. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You gotta get it right. | ||
| You keep doing it with variations, subtle variations. | ||
| Nah, I come back like as a bird this time. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| They fuck with you for a couple times. | ||
| They bring you back as an alligator, you get run over in Florida. | ||
| Then they bring you back as a fucking bird, like a parakeet, and the cat gets you. | ||
| And then you come back as a human. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you start all over again. | ||
| Then there's times in your life where you think, I've been here before. | ||
| I've seen this before. | ||
| Something. | ||
| And that's what I feel about reincarnation. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| Sometimes I've been at places and I've been here before. | ||
| But then again, you have to think about what scientists believe. | ||
| That life is just an illusion. | ||
| That the patterns that we see are just created in our mind. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| I'm having a good time. | ||
| The reefer calms me down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| What else? | ||
| We're doing comedy. | ||
| We're healthy. | ||
| We're having fun. | ||
| We're still fucking here. | ||
| Picking at the vine, like, you know, guys have come and fucking gone, you know? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So how lucky am I? Do you think I'm gonna sit here and think about fucking going to Mars with Elon? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Is that his name, Elon? | ||
| Elon Musk. | ||
| That's my dog. | ||
| Dude, we've known each other for almost 20 years. | ||
| 20 years. | ||
| Has it been 20? | ||
| It might be 20. This January, I'll be in LA for 20, which means I met you March of next year. | ||
| I landed in LA January 20th, and do you know I was a regular at the store February 19th? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| On my birthday. | ||
| That was my only ever claim to fame in this town. | ||
| I was here. | ||
| Stan Hope referred me. | ||
| I did 7. She told me, come back next week. | ||
| And she made me a regular. | ||
| It was like written in a movie. | ||
| I showed up at the Comedy Store Monday night. | ||
| I had an 11.30. | ||
| At 11.25, Eddie Griffin said, do you mind if I do 10 minutes in front of you? | ||
| And that was my Comedy Store debut and shit. | ||
| How much time did he do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He went right till 10 to 2. He would do like three hours. | |
| He would do three fucking hours. | ||
| But still, that's what kept me here, was that stupid fucking comedy store, brother. | ||
| How great is that? | ||
| I just walked in there. | ||
| Stan Hope, I've introduced myself to Scott Day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Stan Hope said to me, it's a six-week minimal wait. | ||
| I called in for you. | ||
| I had three people call in for me, I think. | ||
| And he was one of them. | ||
| They believed Stan Hope the most. | ||
| And they called me on a Friday, dog. | ||
| I said, you're going up in front of Mitzi Sunday at 9, whatever. | ||
| Have three minutes ready. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I thought I had to wait till April. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They're like, no, there was an opening on the list. | ||
| Go down there. | ||
| We've seen a lot of guys come and go. | ||
| You ever go down... | ||
| One of the cool things about the Comedy Store, one of the coolest things, is that the walls are like a museum. | ||
| Like, literally like a comedy museum. | ||
| There is no comedy museum. | ||
| So for us, the comedy museums are the walls of places like the Punchline. | ||
| You know, like when you go to an older club. | ||
| Nashville, Zanies. | ||
| Zanies in Nashville is the best example. | ||
| They got fucking pictures that will make your jaw drop. | ||
| Yep, yep. | ||
| People that aren't even alive anymore. | ||
| People that were really big and they just stopped. | ||
| Tom Arnold is a one-nighter out of Iowa. | ||
| Like, when you go to rooms in Wyoming, Cribble Runs, which are one-nighters, that's different than a stationary comedy club for people at home. | ||
| That means that a bar in a certain town just does comedy on Tuesday nights every night. | ||
| I went to a place in Rivetson, Wyoming and they had pictures of Roseanne and Tom Arnold together when they first started going on the road together. | ||
| He had been in the business for a long time. | ||
| That's when they were out of Denver? | ||
| Out of Denver, yeah. | ||
| Out of Minneapolis. | ||
| I thought she was married to somebody else. | ||
| Yes, and then they got a divorce and she left and I think she went to Minneapolis for a while and toured with him. | ||
| I don't know how it panned out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, that's one of the sad things about when a comedy club closes down. | ||
| You lose that museum. | ||
| Like, there used to be the Laugh Stop in River Oaks had pictures of Stan Hope when he bad long, luxurious hair. | ||
| Remember when Stan Hope had, like, Fabio hair? | ||
| Stan Hope used to wear an overcoat and he had long hair. | ||
| And I remember, like, I think I had heard that he didn't even have a place to live. | ||
| No, he looked at his car. | ||
| And then his car got broken into the finals of the San Francisco comedy competition. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And he went and bought, like, a secondhand suit and he went back there and smoked everybody with the suit on and shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's where Dane Cook's manager tried to psych him out before he went on stage. | ||
| What did he say to him? | ||
| Something dicky. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Something dicky like, you know, you're never gonna beat him or something like that. | ||
| Like something really shitty. | ||
| Stan Hope wound up winning and crushed it. | ||
| His set at that time was fucking amazing, Joe Rogan. | ||
| He's amazing now. | ||
| He said at that time he had connected the bridge for me. | ||
| That's what put me on the right path. | ||
| The bridge of? | ||
| When I watched what he was doing in a half hour then, what he was headlining his first half hour then, just the way he was delivering it, his presentation, how he was yelling at the audience when they walked. | ||
| It was all a fucking thing of genius. | ||
| It hit me so hard that I didn't do comedy for about four days to gather up, like, what am I going to do with my life? | ||
| Because if I'm not that good, it's not worth doing this shit. | ||
| You know, at that time he was doing the bucket of vaginas joke that some lady come up to him and ask him if he wants to buy a bucket of roses at a bar. | ||
| I don't need roses. | ||
| I need a bucket of vaginas. | ||
| And then the lady would walk out. | ||
| But I'll never forget that He said, what I need is a bucket of cunts. | ||
| And she walks out, and then some lady in the audience actually gets up and walks out. | ||
| And he's like, lady, I'm sorry, I should've said cunt, I should've said vagina. | ||
| This went on all night. | ||
| People would walk, and then he'd say things to them as they were walking out. | ||
| But it was so brilliant, the people couldn't take it no more. | ||
| You know, I was a comic. | ||
| I loved what he was doing on stage. | ||
| He was talking about going to a bar and the G-string was stuck in the girl's fucking thing and it was in there somewhere. | ||
| I'm not doing any justice to this. | ||
| Right, I understand. | ||
| But it didn't matter what he was doing on stage. | ||
| Nobody was really doing it at that time. | ||
| And then he came to LA and they were hating on him at that improv. | ||
| They were trying to make that fucking, you know. | ||
| Squeaky clean. | ||
| Squeaky clean. | ||
| And he went in there. | ||
| And I was in there the night when he insulted the burn victim. | ||
| The guy that did the benefit. | ||
| He went up there and the guy had the hat on. | ||
| And he goes, what the fuck are you people depressed? | ||
| This guy hasn't cracked a smile an hour. | ||
| You know, I mean, he didn't stop for a while. | ||
| Then he started walking the improv, you know. | ||
| Like on those nights where all the professionals and the eagles are there, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| They would put him on and they would panic. | ||
| And then Mitzi Shaw made a mistake. | ||
| And she started putting that motherfucker on at a quarter to nine before Betsy Salkine. | ||
| That's not a mistake. | ||
| That's not a mistake. | ||
| Mitzi, she had a method to her madness. | ||
| She enjoyed watching that show. | ||
| Yeah, but once you watched it at that time, and you know I tell you how it is, the show opens up at what time at the Comedy Store on Saturdays? | ||
| 8.30 in those days. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| She would put Doug Stanhope on third. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| And then he would hit so hard in the original room. | ||
| They would see who first, the political guy. | ||
| Then they would have a buffer. | ||
| And then she didn't really know who Stan Hope was. | ||
| She had forgotten. | ||
| And she'd put him up at a quarter to fucking nine. | ||
| You know, the third guy on the list. | ||
| On a Saturday. | ||
| They were not ready for him. | ||
| I remember one particular Saturday, he was talking about lesbians with... | ||
| Dick pumps in a softball game. | ||
| I mean, he was just going off. | ||
| And the original room didn't even know where he was going. | ||
| Like, nobody knew where he was going. | ||
| You're a fucking lesbian softball player. | ||
| You're probably in the fucking thing with a dick pump. | ||
| I don't fuck. | ||
| And he even made a cover. | ||
| He's got an album cover of a dick pump. | ||
| That was that bit. | ||
| They weren't fucking... | ||
| I'm sitting back there stoned to the gills, confused. | ||
| They were out of it. | ||
| But the saddest thing, Joe Rogan, honestly, it wasn't the guy that followed him. | ||
| It was the two people that followed Stanhope in those days. | ||
| Because the second guy that followed Stanhope was all fucked up. | ||
| He just put bad energy in the room. | ||
| In those days, Hollywood wasn't ready for Stanhope, man. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| I saw it at the improv. | ||
| Well, don't you think that their whole approach to stand-up, the Hollywood approach to stand-up has changed? | ||
| Like, it used to be, you know, they were all leaning towards... | ||
| They had to let us in now. | ||
| They had to let us in now. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| Well, they were all leaning towards sitcoms. | ||
| Yeah, because people were funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We could name a lot of- we could sit here for two fucking hours. | ||
| We name a lot of people that came to this town who were genuinely funny, and then some fucking suit got to them and said, listen, you have to write your sitcom for these people and talk about it on your stage persona. | ||
| And then they went up there and changed their whole stand-up, and you know what? | ||
| That's funny in a way, but it's not really who the fuck you are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's what happened. | ||
| People got away from that for a few years, our years. | ||
| 96 to 2004, people got away from that. | ||
| People still wanted you to build a sitcom on stage. | ||
| But when that fucking idea went awry, they had to let fucking people that are crazy in there. | ||
| It seems like the podcast era, then people got to understand how much entertainment there is and just people being themselves. | ||
| Just crazy people. | ||
| People like you or people like Ari or people like Duncan. | ||
| People started recognizing... | ||
| When you let a guy just be himself or a girl just be themselves, you're going to get the real thing. | ||
| You're going to find out what's actually funny. | ||
| What it really makes you realize is how much media does control what you watch and see. | ||
| Whether it's music, it's comedians. | ||
| Let's pretend that... | ||
| Well, there's no venue for stand-up like that except for HBO. Let's pretend that... | ||
| Right now, podcasts would not have come up in this in the last ten years. | ||
| You wouldn't know me, you wouldn't know Stanhope, you wouldn't know Ari, you wouldn't know Duncan, you wouldn't know a half of fucking decent comics that are floating around because the people who are controlling comedy are controlling comedy due to certain criterias. | ||
| Youth, age, It all has to mix up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It all has to mix up. | ||
| If it doesn't mix up, and I'm not crying fucking wolfy. | ||
| I'm happy with the fuck I'm doing. | ||
| I've done great compared to what I thought I was going to fucking do. | ||
| So I'm talking about sometimes I'll call somebody and they go, no, you're too old for this thing. | ||
| Well, you got to think about what, you know... | ||
| People are watching. | ||
| Well, what can a guy like you do? | ||
| You could do one of two things. | ||
| You could either do an HBO special or you can do nothing. | ||
| You don't have uncensored radio back then. | ||
| Until Sirius came along and XM, you didn't even have a venue on the radio. | ||
| So you had nothing. | ||
| You had nothing to be you and your stories and all your craziness where you're free like this. | ||
| And so it wasn't a product to sell. | ||
| There was no market. | ||
| So unless you became a Kinison or a Dice Clay or someone who got on an HBO special or got on Rodney Dangerfield's HBO special where the world got introduced to you being dirty, no one was really going to buy it. | ||
| Bitch! | ||
| Bitch, we got on Joe Rogan's podcast, motherfucker. | ||
| You're the new fucking writer. | ||
| That's what we have now. | ||
| You opened up ten fucking comedians to these people. | ||
| Never even dreamed about going to watch. | ||
| I remember years ago, please, when we went up to fucking Cobbs, the dude, me, and I. That shit used to bother me because that was how we reviewed everything. | ||
| Well, they didn't respect you guys. | ||
| No. | ||
| And they thought because you guys didn't have TV credits and because you were dirty that I was making a bad choice by bringing you with me. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| These guys are hilarious. | ||
| That stuff is fucking tremendous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| I got fucked up. | ||
| I blacked out of this motherfucker from about an hour. | ||
| I know some people are probably saying, Joey, you were quiet today. | ||
| No, I blacked out for a while. | ||
| I went deep. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot in that. | ||
| I took ten hits of that fucking thing and did a podcast with Sam Harris. | ||
| Ten. | ||
| Ten sprays of the same one? | ||
| Yeah, I took two before I got here too, but I think those had kind of worn off and I decided to just see what happens. | ||
| Well, you know what's good about this? | ||
| You don't go deep for eight hours. | ||
| No. | ||
| The other shit I gotta commit to. | ||
| I like this little spray. | ||
| I just went through it. | ||
| For a minute, I was a little fucked up. | ||
| I ain't gonna lie to you. | ||
| I was seeing doubles. | ||
| I thought about taking a nap. | ||
| Well, I think easy in is easy out, right? | ||
| Because, like, it's not digesting in your stomach. | ||
| It's going through your bloodstream because you're doing it, you know, transdermal. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| What is it called when you put it under your... | ||
| Subdermal. | ||
| Subdermal, right? | ||
| I was getting scared there for a moment because I ate that fucking bar before I came in there. | ||
| Oh, you did that too? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| It's Halloween. | ||
| I gotta dress up like a fucking cowboy. | ||
| Sublingual. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| I gotta dress up like a cowboy, Jack. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I don't know what my wife's gonna be. | ||
| She's trying to... | ||
| Don't be an Indian. | ||
| People get mad at you. | ||
| Cultural appropriation. | ||
| Didn't, uh... | ||
| What the fuck's her name have to apologize? | ||
| Hillary Duff? | ||
| Didn't she apologize for her Halloween costume? | ||
| It was cultural appropriation. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| What was her costume? | ||
| She was a pilgrim, and I think the- Wait a second, wait a second. | ||
| So you can't be an Indian no more? | ||
| No more Indians. | ||
| No more cowboys and Indians. | ||
| It's cowboys versus cowboys. | ||
| And if you do encounter an Indian, you better be an actual fucking Indian, not some culturally appropriating cisgendered white piece of shit. | ||
| Hilary Duff is so sorry about her offensive Halloween costume. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So the man- You see, people haven't gotten the full message yet from the social justice warriors. | ||
| They haven't gotten the full message yet that you're not allowed to wear that Indian headdress. | ||
| Who's social justice warriors? | ||
| Fill me in on this. | ||
| Social justice warriors are people that want to control the way people behave. | ||
| They want everyone to be very progressive and very PC. Is that a webpage? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're just a group. | ||
| And we're going to enforce cultural appropriation. | ||
| No white guys with dreadlocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop it. | |
| Stop it. | ||
| No, you can't have Taco Tuesday, you piece of shit. | ||
| It's cultural appropriation. | ||
| They get mad if white guys cook Chinese food. | ||
| It's like, there's so much going on, folks. | ||
| I get mad if white guys cook Chinese food. | ||
| I'm gonna lie to you. | ||
| I want a Chinese guy cooking Chinese food. | ||
| That's what's wrong with fucking things. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You know what else I demand? | ||
| For the most part, I like Mexican food from Mexican people. | ||
| There's a guy that was getting in trouble for cultural appropriation because he ran a Mexican restaurant. | ||
| He's a white guy from Oklahoma. | ||
| And it was a huge stinkeroo. | ||
| And apparently this guy's a huge fan of Mexican cooking and is a real, like, master chef and goes to Mexico and studies under the great Mexican chefs and opens up Mexican restaurants in America just because he loves Mexican cooking. | ||
| And they're like, fuck you. | ||
| You're not Mexican. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| Cultural appropriation. | ||
| What the fuck are we doing? | ||
| We're apologizing for Indian costumes. | ||
| I gotta tell you something. | ||
| Before I go right now, because I want to turn people on. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| I'll tell you what's the best show I've seen since Sopranos, the last, like, fucking whatever. | ||
| You're gonna hate it. | ||
| People are gonna hate it. | ||
| It's a show called Celia. | ||
| Celia? | ||
| Celia. | ||
| It's about Celia Cruz, the Cuban singer. | ||
| How do you spell it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
C-E-L-I-A. What's it on? | |
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| Somebody called me and said, Joey, you're Cuban, no disrespect. | ||
| You should watch that show. | ||
| I knew Celia Cruz. | ||
| My mom had the bar in the early 70s. | ||
| My mom was tighter with Celia, but I was going to Catholic school, so whenever she came by, I wasn't there. | ||
| I would see her at the bar, and I had seen her a few times, but I didn't know much of her. | ||
| I liked like three of her songs. | ||
| In Cuba, she's like a folklore. | ||
| Like, there's fucking, like, people love her in Cuba. | ||
| What is she, like, in comparison? | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| I watched this fucking show. | ||
| And I'm up to episode 30, okay? | ||
| And they taped it like a Spanish novella, right? | ||
| Which, again, nobody will really like it unless you grew up on Spanish novellas. | ||
| But it fills you in on what was going on. | ||
| Like, she goes, like, right now, Castro just took her fucking house. | ||
| So when you say they taped like a Spanish novella, you mean... | ||
| Like a Telemundo novella, but they made this into a TV show. | ||
| 80 fucking episodes. | ||
| I'm up to 33. 80 episodes? | ||
| 80 fucking episodes. | ||
| Is the first season? | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Somebody called me and turned me on to it. | ||
| But it's not that interesting, like the singing is cool. | ||
| And I remember growing up and listening to some of those songs in my mom's bar. | ||
| What's going on is they break down that gay thing in Cuba, what I told you. | ||
| They used to take them shark hunting and throw them off the boat. | ||
| Like, this fucking kid was saying, my father left the house because I was gay. | ||
| Like, it was so taboo, and if you were dark-skinned... | ||
| Like, if you were any dark-skinned at all in Cuba, they would hate you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| So when Castro got in there, made it easier. | ||
| Batista was robbing people. | ||
| Batista was just a piece of shit. | ||
| I mean, Batista was such a piece of shit that 20 years after he was gone, they were hunting down his soldiers in the United States. | ||
| Like fucking Nazi soldiers. | ||
| Like they were getting hunted down. | ||
| These groups of Cubans were hunting them down and fucking beating them and shooting them and shit. | ||
| That's how much, because it had become like, towards the last five years of Cuba, it had become like, if I pulled you over, I'd just beat you the fuck up, took your car, and that was it. | ||
| But for eight years, Cuba, Fidel sat in those mountains. | ||
| It's like taking over LA and setting up in fucking San Francisco for eight years waiting for the opportunity. | ||
| And it breaks it down along the way how it was easy for them to take over. | ||
| It was like stealing. | ||
| Fidel, they were waiting for Fidel to take over the revolution. | ||
| It is pretty crazy that he's still in control. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, this really, you know, and I knew this shit. | ||
| Is there anybody like that out there now, besides him, that took a country by force and still has control of it all these years later? | ||
| Oh, he just went into people's houses and said, it's mine. | ||
| You know, this show doesn't touch on the casinos, but he just walked into the casinos and said, go ahead, call the mafia, tell them, it's mine. | ||
| You know, you show them, they show the Cubans taking all the American embassy people. | ||
| What did they do to them? | ||
| Just took them on by the arm and walked them to the airport. | ||
| Have a nice life. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, they nationalized all the businesses. | ||
| It was just something that you don't think about. | ||
| I don't think about it. | ||
| You know, I'm Americanized, whatever the fuck. | ||
| But it is the acting sensation. | ||
| It's just a little too much music. | ||
| It's subtitles. | ||
| It's all Spanish. | ||
| You say that she was huge in Cuba. | ||
| Oh, she was huge worldwide. | ||
| Worldwide? | ||
| Like, compare it to someone of today. | ||
| Like, what would you compare it to? | ||
| Whitney Houston. | ||
| Whitney Houston. | ||
| In 1956, she had her first gold album. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's a million, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, is gold $500,000? | ||
| Platinum's a million? | ||
| And the people, the owner of the company, had to call the fucking band leader over and go, we can't have this chick, dog. | ||
| She's a darkie. | ||
| Darkies don't sell records in Cuba. | ||
| They're not going to do it. | ||
| And he guaranteed them. | ||
| He goes, you ever talk like that, they're going to knock you the fuck out. | ||
| But, if it goes gold, you pay for the studio sessions. | ||
| If it doesn't go gold, I pay. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| She became one of the biggest actresses in the fucking... | ||
| Not actresses, uh... | ||
| Not the best looking fucking monster out there. | ||
| I mean, that was her argument also. | ||
| She was Haitian? | ||
| She was Cuban. | ||
| Why does it say she was Haitian? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She probably had Haitian blood, whatever the fuck it is, but she was fucking Cuban. | ||
| But, you know, they said she wouldn't sell records because she was ugly. | ||
| She wouldn't sell records because she was dark skinned. | ||
| Is it her actual music in the show? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And her singing and shit. | ||
| It's pretty fucking intense. | ||
| But it showed like three struggles for her. | ||
| Like, she wasn't going to make it as a fucking dark singer. | ||
| You know, they show like what Cuba was going through, like when Fidel fucking goes into a house. | ||
| And now, the last episode I watched, she's supposed to go perform at the Tropicana for the Comandante, you know? | ||
| And she's like, he took my house, now he wants me to go perform for him? | ||
| Fuck him, I'm not going down there. | ||
| But she's down there, he's down there with Che Guevara. | ||
| You know, and all that shit. | ||
| So that's the last episode I watched. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I'll check that out. | ||
| 80 episodes, that scares the shit out of me, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan, you'll watch two episodes and bail. | |
| Will I? It's kind of different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Even for me, it was a little different at first. | ||
| I stuck with it because I grew up in it, and I kind of miss that right now. | ||
| So I kind of miss that. | ||
| It's constantly in Spanish. | ||
| It's really good Cuban actors. | ||
| There's a couple Mexicans. | ||
| There's a couple fucking... | ||
| You know, like light-skinned Mexicans. | ||
| You don't even know they're Mexicans. | ||
| It talked about Cuba in the 50s. | ||
| What Cuba was in the 50s. | ||
| Are you liking Narcos? | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| I liked both seasons. | ||
| Pretty good fucking stuff. | ||
| Just liked it? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I loved that fucking show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you watch both seasons? | |
| I haven't finished the second season yet. | ||
| I'm halfway into the second season. | ||
| Did you watch the first season? | ||
| Yeah, I loved it. | ||
| Loved the first season. | ||
| I'm halfway into the second season, but then I found Stranger Things. | ||
| And I went off on a tangent. | ||
| And I had to watch that. | ||
| I had to ride that motherfucker right to the end. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| There's a lot of good shows out there. | ||
| A lot of good shows out there. | ||
| Westworld. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's good. | |
| I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| Too many computers and shit. | ||
| Anthony Hopkins. | ||
| Ed Harris is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Ed Harris has always been a bad motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a bad motherfucker. | |
| But this is his... | ||
| This is the one. | ||
| This is the role where, you know, you're going to see him a lot because, you know, it's many, many, many episodes. | ||
| So it's like a... | ||
| The beautiful thing about Game of Thrones is that it's a giant movie. | ||
| It's a movie that lasts many, many, many, many seasons. | ||
| And once you get used to that, a regular movie, like, it's not enough time to tell a story. | ||
| 90 minutes is not enough time to tell a story. | ||
| And you're seeing that with shows like Westworld, too. | ||
| It's like they're figuring out a totally new thing. | ||
| And a totally new thing being, there's been shows before, like Lost and a bunch of other shows, where there was a storyline they had to follow through the entire, you know, all seasons, and they all kind of connected. | ||
| But not sort of the way they're doing it now. | ||
| The way they're doing it now is with nudity and swearing and violence and sexuality. | ||
| It's all no holds barred. | ||
| Game of Thrones has changed the whole fucking game. | ||
| And now Westworld is changing the game too. | ||
| There's a bunch of these shows like that that are just HBO and Netflix and all these companies that have the budget to put together essentially a movie a week. | ||
| And they get these banging actors. | ||
| And I'm telling you, Ed Harris knocks it out of the He's so creepy. | ||
| He's so creepy, you believe him, man. | ||
| You believe he's the boogeyman. | ||
| If you were living in those Wild West days, and Ed Harris rides up in a fucking horse outside your town with that creepy fucking smile of his, and you can't even kill him, guns don't work on him, fuck, man. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Such a good show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love. | |
| I love Joey Diaz. | ||
| Speaking of good show, Joey Diaz, I heard you had a good show in Chicago, and I heard we're gonna be able to see that shit on CISO. December 8th, bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit! | |
| You were at Zaney's, right? | ||
| Zaney's, Rosemont. | ||
| Rosemont. | ||
| That's a great club. | ||
| That's a fun place. | ||
| It's a great little fucking club, yeah. | ||
| Eddie Bravo said he saw you down there. | ||
| He said he had a great fucking time. | ||
| Friday night, Friday night. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| And then Saturday, the first show was a little lumpy. | ||
| But the second show, I just got out of my... | ||
| You know, I was trying to be Jerry Seinfeld, and I had a script... | ||
| Really? | ||
| For the first show. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to stick to... | ||
| Just because it's taping? | ||
| It was the first time I had the opportunity. | ||
| I was going to try to work a little cleaner. | ||
| I didn't want them to... | ||
| I didn't want them to look at me and say, you know, I tell you why I'm a fan of MMA when I see growth. | ||
| I love when I watch an MMA fight. | ||
| When Conor McGregor fought Nick Diaz the second time, I was so happy that I finally, somebody's doing what I'm talking about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You go back, you look at your mistakes, and you go back there and correct them. | ||
| At the same time, you show up with a new weapon. | ||
| Don't keep telling me that you're the hardest hitter in the UFC lightweight division. | ||
| I don't want to hear that because it's not about the hardest hitter. | ||
| I don't want to hear that no more. | ||
| So I thought about my special from that perspective. | ||
| And I go, if I watch my special and if I do a come on the foot joke, they're going to know he never grew from there. | ||
| He never really... | ||
| So I really wanted to try it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But see, that's the fuck with your head, man, because those come on the foot jokes are great. | ||
| No, no, I don't like them. | ||
| I just do them to kill time because I'm lazy. | ||
| But I just wanted to do something that was me, but not... | ||
| So I worked it that way. | ||
| The first show, I tried to be Jerry Seinfeld, and it kind of worked a little bit. | ||
| The technique was there, but the oomph just wasn't there. | ||
| And I thought about it, and I said, fuck this. | ||
| I'm going to change this all up. | ||
| I'm going to go out this motherfucker a cappella. | ||
| Old school acapello. | ||
| That's you, man. | ||
| That's what you gotta do. | ||
| I should have been there, man. | ||
| I shouldn't have been working. | ||
| No order, no nothing. | ||
| Acapello, whatever the jokes. | ||
| I didn't want to use old jokes, nothing like that. | ||
| It was all fresh stuff. | ||
| It worked out, man. | ||
| I'm happy I did it. | ||
| 25 years. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| You know what we should do next? | ||
| We're gonna tape another one. | ||
| You know what we should do next? | ||
| We should do like a Ronnie Dangerfield special type thing with all of us. | ||
| With like Ari and you and Duncan and put it together. | ||
| And, you know, and do the same the way that Rod used to do, where they have like four or five comics go on and do like 15 minutes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know man, sometimes I get stuck with comedy and I go back to those. | ||
| In my world. | ||
| Those are great! | ||
| Kennison on there. | ||
| Dice on there. | ||
| Bill Hicks taught me an education because fucking Andrew went up there and leveled the room. | ||
| Leveled. | ||
| Leveled. | ||
| I would have ran out of there if I had to follow Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| And Bill Hicks went up there with the composure, slowed him down, lit up a cigarette. | ||
| Smooth as a cucumber. | ||
| Or cool. | ||
| Cool as a cucumber. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Cucumbers. | ||
| Sucked them into a web of fucking horror and it turned into something else. | ||
| Our boy Schimmel destroyed that. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Lenny Clark destroyed it. | ||
| That's always been my go-to when I'm fucking up with stand-up and... | ||
| Seinfeld fucked it up there. | ||
| It was a couple great people there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who else? | |
| Robert Townsend? | ||
| Roseanne Barr? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Barry Sobel! | ||
| Barry Sobel, that's right. | ||
| With a leather jacket on. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Barry Sobel, who went on to be in Punchline. | ||
| Yeah, we really should do that, Joey. | ||
| Why don't we do that? | ||
| That should be our next thing. | ||
| Set it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We could do it for Netflix. | ||
| Yeah, and do it that way we could do another special quick. | ||
| Like, you do this special, then we could do another one and, like... | ||
| Seven or eight months or something like that. | ||
| We'd all have 20 solid minutes in seven or eight months and we could throw on another show. | ||
| This is tremendous edibles. | ||
| Fuck yeah it is! | ||
| You know why too? | ||
| Because even if it don't get you high, your Brent is fucking minty fresh after that. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| My mouth tastes great. | ||
| Mine too. | ||
| So, it's on CISO, and isn't there something where you can sign up for free? | ||
| Yeah, I got a code. | ||
| I listen to the podcast, and I give out the CISO code, and they get two free months. | ||
| I'll give it to you November 25th, so you got it until January, and you get the special for fucking free. | ||
| Come on, Joey Diaz. | ||
| Doug Stanhope is on there. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They're doing some other specials, too, right? | ||
| Oh, they're shooting a ton of shit. | ||
| They're going to be the official comedy. | ||
| They want to go for it. | ||
| They want to go for it, and they want... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think all these new networks are going to open up, like the same way that Netflix is done. | ||
| It's obviously a very, very good model, and they're realizing that now. | ||
| That's going to be the future. | ||
| These networks of like CBS and NBC and ABC, boy, they're going to have a hard time in a few years staying afloat. | ||
| Well, let's think about it. | ||
| What's Netflix? | ||
| How much a month? | ||
| Nine bucks? | ||
| Nine bucks. | ||
| $3.99 for CISO. CISO's only four? | ||
| That's going to be a sports one that's going to be like $2. | ||
| Pretty soon you're going to be spending $21 and you're going to get programming from fucking Mars. | ||
| You understand me? | ||
| What does CISO have? | ||
| What's on it? | ||
| They have... | ||
| The office? | ||
| It's an NBC thing, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's NBC. So they've got everything NBC, even all 40 years. | ||
| Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Saturday Night Live. | ||
| See y'all. | ||
| So they're starting? | ||
| Yeah, I guess they went after a lot of comedian specials. | ||
| Is Ari doing his thing on CISO? I'm not sure. | ||
| They have like original networking on there, like original programming networking. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's tremendous. | ||
| Well, I think that's the future. | ||
| Netflix didn't become Netflix overnight. | ||
| There was something I was watching online where this guy was talking about big companies and companies to look for. | ||
| And there's companies like Google and Apple and big technology companies. | ||
| And he thinks that Netflix is going to be one of the next big technology companies. | ||
| You look at the growth and look at what it's worth now and what it's projected to be worth in 2020. It's like it just keeps growing and growing and as more and more people abandon cable like less and less people are getting cable more and more people are getting their TV shows just from Netflix and you know the thing is The idea of watching something, you have to be home at 8 o'clock and you're going to be sitting there waiting, it seems archaic. | ||
| It seems archaic to wait for a show. | ||
| And what Netflix also does to get you and turn you into a junkie is that you could just binge. | ||
| You could just sit there and watch all the Narcos episodes. | ||
| Just sit there. | ||
| I'll come home at night from doing stand-up and start unwinding and I'll watch an episode of fucking Narcos. | ||
| That'll take you to where you need to be. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I liked Episode 7. That's been one of my favorite episodes of television the last 20 years. | ||
| Episode 7, La Espanada. | ||
| I don't know which one that was. | ||
| When he kills the two guys and puts them in the oven. | ||
| The first season, the two dudes who were driving, stealing from him, Mankata. | ||
| That was dark. | ||
| When he did that episode, that's when I knew we were onto some fuck. | ||
| And his acting is fucking second to none right now. | ||
| That dude is out-acting motherfuckers. | ||
| He's a skinny dude that walks fat. | ||
| I've never seen that. | ||
| Well, he put on a lot of weight for that role. | ||
| I've never seen that shit. | ||
| I've never seen that shit. | ||
| Yeah, you buy it. | ||
| You buy who he's pretended to be. | ||
| It's a good fucking show. | ||
| There's a lot of good stuff out there these days. | ||
| But Joey Diaz is on CISO December 8th, motherfuckers. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| What are you calling it? | ||
| Sociably Unacceptable. | ||
| Sociably Unacceptable? | ||
| Socially or sociably? | ||
| I have no fucking idea. | ||
| What are you bothering me for? | ||
| What's with the questions? | ||
| Just go to CISO December 8th. | ||
| I might change the title by that time. | ||
| So, have you edited it all? | ||
| Yeah, I got a couple of edits. | ||
| It looks fucking tremendous. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| So, when they put it up, you can just stream it live, right? | ||
| Yeah, December 8th. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| And then, again, if you want to get on it, get on it now, because Doug Stanhope is already on CISO. You can check out his thing, too. | ||
| Joey's is December 8th. | ||
| I'll definitely have you on before then. | ||
| We'll let everybody know before it pops up. | ||
| And we're doing New Year's Eve, motherfuckers. | ||
| Orpheum Theater. | ||
| Home of EBI. Right. | ||
| With Tony, the golden pony, Hinchcliffe. | ||
| I think it's almost sold out. | ||
| I think there was less than 100 tickets left as of this week. | ||
| So, don't sleep. | ||
| You know, I came up here to promote something, but on the way up here, they were like, Joey, there's only like 60 tickets left. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I thought that... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The Wilbur. | ||
| When are you doing the Wilbur? | ||
| November 11th. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Well, let them know. | ||
| If you're in Boston, that fucking theater is one of the best theaters to see stand-up because it's three tiers and it's stacked right in front of you. | ||
| So it's a big-ass crowd, but it feels like a small crowd because each... | ||
| It's like there's three small crowds. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| It's like three 300-seat comedy clubs stacked on top of each other. | ||
| That place is awesome. | ||
| And the next night I got Foxwoods. | ||
| And even that night... | ||
| We're selling tickets. | ||
| I was like, let's just bail on it because it's UFC 205. Everybody's going to watch UFC 205. They're like, no, we're selling tickets. | ||
| I said, okay. | ||
| Well, if people could stay off their fucking phones and just hit that DVR and just la, la, la, la, la, and not listen to the radio as they drive home, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then get in front of the TV, they could watch it as if it was a live event. | ||
| So they could see you and then go watch the fights. | ||
| This motherfuckers. | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the end. | ||
| That's the end for this week. | ||
| I'm going out of town. | ||
| I gotta go kill some deers with bows and arrows. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| It's deer. | ||
| No S. And be back soon. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stay blessed. |
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