Oct. 3, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:24:39
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Tommy, what are you drawing? | ||
| I'm just writing down in Capisco chairs. | ||
| Oh yeah, from Ergo Depot. | ||
| Oh, that's me. | ||
| How rude of me. | ||
| ErgoDepot.com. | ||
| Ergo Depot is the company that provided us with these. | ||
| I fucking love these chairs. | ||
| I'm not getting paid for this ad. | ||
| This isn't even an ad. | ||
| I just tell people, if you have back issues, get a really good ergonomic chair. | ||
| It makes a fucking giant difference. | ||
| Because for me, I'm sitting in this thing when I do podcasts for three hours in a setting and my back doesn't bother me. | ||
| When I would use a regular office chair, I would sit in it for an hour and I'd start getting knotted up. | ||
| And when the podcast was over, I'd have to grab a ball and rub my back out. | ||
| Not with these. | ||
| And I think it's better for my back. | ||
| I think it acts, when you force yourself to sit in a good posture, I think it's like an exercise for your back. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| And the more you do it, I'm super conscious of it now. | ||
| Because I've always had super bad posture. | ||
| I used to slump and then lean my head forward. | ||
| Those are two terrible things that I would do. | ||
| That's how I sit during our show. | ||
| Yeah, you have bad posture. | ||
| I practically lay down. | ||
| So bad. | ||
| It looks terrible, too. | ||
| You know, I would do it when I would write, too. | ||
| And it would bind up in the top of my back. | ||
| So if I'd write for a few hours, I'd be like, oh. | ||
| But ever since I got these things, man, you know what else is really good? | ||
| A ball. | ||
| Just one of those blow-up balls. | ||
| To sit on those? | ||
| Yeah, those workout balls. | ||
| Do you find that it carries over to, like, when you sit somewhere else now, you have better posture because of it? | ||
| Yeah, this is how I sit now. | ||
| I try to, at least. | ||
| Except for whatever reason, I don't enjoy television like this. | ||
| You gotta slouch. | ||
| Yeah, if I'm watching Narcos, I gotta have like feet up, I gotta be kicked back. | ||
| Do you love it? | ||
| Isn't season two so good? | ||
| God, it's so good. | ||
| There's rumors about the next three or four seasons what they're gonna do. | ||
| How are they gonna do that? | ||
| Because supposedly, as you would say, they're supposed to do, the rumor was that they're gonna go do a Miami season because now the whole cartel battle goes to Miami and like Griselda Blanco and stuff. | ||
| She's my favorite! | ||
| And then season four or five would be how the Mexican cartels took over. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And like El Chapo and stuff. | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| My uncle. | ||
| Billy Corbin, my friend who's been on this podcast before, is a guy who made cocaine. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, I know Billy. | |
| You know Billy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Cocaine Cowboys 1 and 2. If you haven't seen them, just stop what you're doing. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| You watch that documentary and you just go, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unfortunately, he's a Miami graduate, but he's a nice kid. | ||
| Is this a Florida rivalry talk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Y'all guys got Florida rivalry? | ||
| You want to talk some shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's lucky. | ||
| They're good this year. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| I have no idea what you're talking about. | ||
| Wait, is that the one with Griselda and her suitor and their love story? | ||
| Yes, that's number two. | ||
| That was so cool. | ||
| Jamie Cosby or something like that. | ||
| His name was Cosby. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The guy that ends up... | ||
| Like falling, you know, whatever. | ||
| Seeing her while she's locked up in Cocaine Cowboys 2. His last name was Cosby. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He was the guy that was like her boyfriend outside, but she found out he was banging other chicks and she got real pissed. | ||
| And when he started seeing her, he was like, I just want to make money and I'm trying to move weight. | ||
| And she was like, what do you want? | ||
| And he's like, a kilo. | ||
| And she had someone drop off like five kilos to start it off. | ||
| And he was like, oh my God. | ||
| And then that dude was really trafficking. | ||
| It's a real love story. | ||
| Yeah, it's a beautiful story. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, there it is. | |
| There it is. | ||
| Bill Cosby's son. | ||
| Charles Cosby. | ||
| Charles Cosby. | ||
| Slinging that good dick. | ||
| How much to bang Griselda? | ||
| He must... | ||
| Listen, for that guy, that's the goddamn lottery. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It was. | ||
| It was. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You get hard for her. | ||
| You'll figure out a way. | ||
| This is all pre-Viagra, too. | ||
| And they're doing coke. | ||
| Look at the making out there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Ooh. | |
| Good for her. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Griselda was so fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| She's bad. | ||
| I never heard that story until... | ||
| There's so many pictures. | ||
| Until Cocaine Cowboys. | ||
| I had never heard of this. | ||
| Never heard it either. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Such a good documentary. | ||
| She got killed just a couple years after she got out. | ||
| She went back to Columbia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Got killed. | ||
| She went back and they had pictures of her out on the street. | ||
| That's perfect, right? | ||
| J-Lo's gonna play her. | ||
| Yeah, she looks exactly like her. | ||
| What? | ||
| J-Lo has a perfect face. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Look at that face. | ||
| She really does. | ||
| No wonder why she's so needy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's carrying around the Willy Wonka golden ticket. | ||
| You better listen, bitch. | ||
| Look at his face! | ||
| Look at his ass! | ||
| It's kind of crazy to have that much power. | ||
| That girl, she's like a hypnotist. | ||
| If she stares at you, you'd be like, I mean, me and my wife aren't getting along that good. | ||
| She just gets to leave. | ||
| She's so hot. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Yeah, and she's been doing it for a minute, too. | ||
| She's like 50 years old. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
J-Lo? | |
| She's in her late 40s. | ||
| Gotta be. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| And she's a dime piece. | ||
| You know what I just remembered about Griselda from that documentary is that she named her son Michael Corleone. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh! | |
| Did she really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a really good name for a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
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We were thinking of naming our next child Carl's Jr. Yeah, that'd be kind of a good name. | |
| I don't know if this is true or if it's just a rumor, but the rumor was that J-Lo's boyfriend, who's this 28-year-old handsome dancer fella, he wanted to go to the UFC, and she told him that he had to come with her to some charity thing in New York, and he said, no, I'm going to the fights, and she broke up with him. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa. | |
| She tells you what to do. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| She tells you where to go. | ||
| You gotta go with her. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You have to go with her. | ||
| That's her little, you know... | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Lapdog. | ||
| Background dancer. | ||
| You're here to fuck me, look good, and you come to charity events. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's the deal. | |
| Those relationships get super weird in the 60s. | ||
| Like, once you get to Griselda's age, that's when those relationships get real. | ||
| You mean as the hot woman? | ||
| When the woman no longer is hot. | ||
| Yes, I think your life falls apart. | ||
| If that's all you've banked on your whole life, you don't, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If someone's 20, 30 years younger than you. | ||
| Well, it's not just that, right? | ||
| I mean, if your entire thing is based on what you look like, if that's all you've really paid attention to and that's what you really rock, it's just that. | ||
| Not your personality, not your enjoyment, or your hobbies or anything like that. | ||
| Not only is it taken away from you, but you've had it your whole life, so you're accustomed to people approaching you and communicating you with extreme niceness and kindness and desire, and men are just tripping over themselves to be with you. | ||
| You have a magic potion that you put on. | ||
| Not only does that go away, but you become repulsive. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Yeah, as it all starts to... | ||
|
unidentified
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It gets weird. | |
| And if you can't buy into it, if you want to extend your ears, then you start getting your face cut open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You start getting weird shit done. | ||
| You start getting your lips done. | ||
| You have a mouth that goes ear to ear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they keep pulling their face back until their mouth keeps growing. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a certain something to surrendering to your age, right? | ||
| It's a far better alternative. | ||
| A far better alternative to be the dignified older woman who hasn't had her face fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, a handsome older woman. | ||
| That's what I'll be. | ||
| It's just a thing that we haven't... | ||
| Even if you've been... | ||
| I guess they've probably been doing surgery on people's faces for like 20 years or 30 years, right? | ||
| How long ago do you think they started? | ||
| I think probably between 30 and 40 years. | ||
| Yeah, what, the 80s? | ||
| You're still an early adopter. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, you see, like, now the move is, if you're going to do that, it's the mild, right? | ||
| It's the type of the facelift or the nose job where you go, something looks different, but you can't tell. | ||
| That's a primo job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you see somebody and you're like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Egypt, 3000 BC, so you're close. | ||
| Two years before we go. | ||
| 70s, whatever. | ||
| I don't trust, like, Botox and shit. | ||
| I know they're like, it's fine. | ||
| You can inject botulism into your face with no repercussions. | ||
| How could it be fine? | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It can't be fine. | ||
| It can't be fine. | ||
| It's got to be toxic. | ||
| It's going to melt your face off. | ||
| We're going to have a bunch of women with melted faces in a few years. | ||
| There's a bunch of doctors right now that are mad at us because we don't know what we're talking about. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But I got to assume, just assume, that if you're paralyzing your fucking face... | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's weird, too. | ||
| You talk to people who can't do that. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, I don't like it. | ||
| They're a little too shiny. | ||
| You ever notice that? | ||
| Something happens there. | ||
| Waxy. | ||
| They look waxy. | ||
| It's too shiny. | ||
| Like, why is your head so shiny? | ||
| It doesn't move and it's shiny. | ||
| Plus, you know, there's a time and a season to be the hot chick. | ||
| Like, I love Pamela Anderson. | ||
| We all did do. | ||
| But, like, I know there was a time where she didn't surrender. | ||
| Like, you're the hot chick for a minute, and then you're just not. | ||
| It's gotta be tough to give up, though. | ||
| It's gotta be tough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Psychologically, that rush you get from all that attention, as that, you don't get that feeling anymore, that's gotta be really hard to deal with, you know? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I can only imagine. | ||
| I mean, how could you... | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| There's probably very few things in life that are like that. | ||
| You just don't get back. | ||
| You know what's probably similar to? | ||
| An aging rocker where you play out, you know, you're playing stadiums and people are like, you get that adoration of everyone coming to your shows and it's like, eh, maybe you don't move the tickets anymore or you just stop touring. | ||
| There's gonna be an adjustment. | ||
| It's not just stadiums to, okay, I just don't do that anymore. | ||
| Because it's too much of a rush. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Pick up heroin and stuff. | ||
| But see, some aging rock stars, for some reason or another, they still pull it off. | ||
| Like Mick Jagger can still pull it off. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But I think that's, it's not just that he can't, like, he, first of all, goes out and still does it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And puts on the great show. | ||
| But I think the reason that he does is because you don't want to give up. | ||
| That rush, that feeling of playing to stadiums. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| And it's also probably fun. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| How is it not fun to be Mick Jagger? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Possum yoga! | |
| Apparently he works out like twice a day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Apparently he's a freak. | ||
| He's super disciplined. | ||
| He does yoga and push-ups and sit-ups and all kinds of crazy shit and runs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 70-something. | ||
| He's old as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because apparently he's super dedicated to exercise. | ||
| You think Keith has the same workout regimen? | ||
|
unidentified
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100%. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's probably not doing heroin anymore. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| They don't live that long if they do. | ||
|
unidentified
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Heroin people? | |
| Right? | ||
| Maybe they get that good heroin. | ||
| Oh, there he goes. | ||
| So here he's doing sit-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| And apparently, like, look at all his dance moves. | ||
| I mean, what fucking seven-year-olds can dance like that that are men? | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| There's also like a flexibility to his spine that you rarely see. | ||
| Like how old is Mick Jagger? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm guessing 74. I'm guessing 73. 68. He's my dad's age. | |
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Button your lips, baby! | |
| Button your curls! | ||
| 73. Wow. | ||
| Who nailed it? | ||
|
unidentified
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Somebody nailed it. | |
| Oh, I did. | ||
|
unidentified
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He nailed it. | |
| Beautiful. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| You used my guess to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whatever. | |
| How many 73-year-olds move like that? | ||
| No, my dad doesn't. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| When you're 73, that shit is done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's like slinky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got like a... | ||
| He's still got like a little thing to it. | ||
| James Brown was moving real crazy. | ||
| That was from drugs though, right? | ||
| But I mean, he was doing shit. | ||
| That wasn't yoga, man. | ||
| Somebody 25 can't pull off half of this shit, you know? | ||
| Well, he was a freak. | ||
| Yeah, he's a freak. | ||
| And he probably just did it. | ||
| He probably tore his hips apart. | ||
| Well, so did Prince. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he was still doing his... | ||
| Those little toes were moving around still all the time. | ||
| Well, Prince, we used to do like crazy dance stuff where we would spin around, do the splits. | ||
| Is this James Brown? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, shit. | |
| James Brown gives you dancing. | ||
| Are you playing this? | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Okay, there's no volume, so we'll just watch him dance. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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What, dude? | |
| Christ. | ||
| Oh, well, he had some crazy moves, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But this is a different style of dance that existed in like 1960s black America. | ||
|
unidentified
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I mean. | |
| And he was the fucking man. | ||
| The man, dude. | ||
| Do you ever see him in Africa when he played the concert in Zaire before Muhammad Ali fought George Foreman? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's him in Zaire. | ||
| James Brown is one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Just a freak of freaks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Out of his mind. | ||
| People are just basically, you know, all soul R&B artists are just trying to do a version of what he did. | ||
| There was nobody before him like that. | ||
| Like, you have to put it into context. | ||
| You know, when he would come out with those capes on and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, this is in Zaire 1974. What was happening? | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Does it say sex on here? | ||
| Because I've seen one of those. | ||
| Look at the size of his ass. | ||
| I didn't know he had such an ass. | ||
| What's it saying? | ||
| This is 76. How old do you think he was back then? | ||
|
unidentified
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He's probably 40. He was a bad motherfucker. | |
| Look at that mustache. | ||
| Look at his gear, dude. | ||
| Look at his hair. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| At the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they have basically the same outfit he has on there, but the bedazzled word is just sex. | ||
| And he used to wear that. | ||
| That's what he used to say on his stomach. | ||
| Something says on his stomach right now. | ||
| I think it says G-F-O-S. Yeah, what does that mean? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Is that George Foreman? | ||
| George Foreman, original. | ||
| He's probably the first one. | ||
| A lot of black guys love acronyms like that. | ||
| You think it's a black thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've heard people that are really into positive thinking. | ||
| They do like fame. | ||
| Forgive anyone mentioning Everglades. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| There's always like some ridiculous one. | ||
|
unidentified
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What is GFO? Godfather of Soul. | |
| Oh! | ||
| Oh, Godfather of Soul. | ||
| Fear, false evidence appearing real. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| That's all those weirdos on Instagram that post the inspirational slash aggressive shit. | ||
| Keep pushing. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's important. | |
| Stay positive. | ||
| From the training to the rapping. | ||
| I appreciate the sentiment, but it is corny. | ||
| You know what's a really funny bit about that is Chris D'Elia. | ||
| He got a really funny bit about those hashtag motivation people. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| It's a good bit, man. | ||
| I gotta see it. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| It's a funny bit. | ||
| But it's a double-edged sword. | ||
| Because on one hand, I appreciate people that are exercising, taking care of themselves. | ||
| I appreciate people that are motivating people. | ||
| But it's fucking still cheesy. | ||
| It's still silly. | ||
| I had this lady one time come to a show that I did in Cleveland. | ||
| And she was in a wheelchair. | ||
| And she started to... | ||
| Oh, she bought... | ||
| I was selling CDs. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| Seven years ago. | ||
| And she's like, let me get 10. And I was like, you want 10? | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| And I sold them to her. | ||
| And then the next day she comes and she buys 10 more. | ||
| And I go, alright. | ||
| I can't let you keep buying this. | ||
| I'll just give them to you. | ||
| No, I want to support you. | ||
| And then she would start to write. | ||
| She did that to open up the email exchange. | ||
| And then started... | ||
| Email me, ask me questions, and then download about just everything that was bothering her and things that are bad in her life. | ||
| And then I'm going to have this procedure done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, I remember this chick. | |
| And I was like, I'd be like, alright, you know, I'd communicate with her. | ||
| And then I go back, and she comes again to the first show. | ||
| And I go, well, you know, I just, I'm glad that you look like you're alright. | ||
| And... | ||
| You know, the other thing I like about you is you're not into all those inspirational quotes. | ||
| I just told her that. | ||
| And she goes, I love inspirational quotes. | ||
|
unidentified
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And I was like, oh. | |
| Why did you bring that up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think because I hate it. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| And I was just thinking about, like, she doesn't do, like, keep your head up stuff. | ||
| Like, she didn't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| I was like, you know, you're positive without having to remind everybody about it. | ||
| And she's like, no, I love that stuff. | ||
| And I was like, ooh. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What? | ||
| Was that it? | ||
| No, she was like, I'm getting my leg removed next week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I was like, Jesus. | |
| And then she was like, I have one of my kidneys I already took out. | ||
| And my son is in Afghanistan. | ||
| He got shot. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know what else to tell you. | ||
| You want a CD? I was talking to a dude this weekend who was a doctor. | ||
| He was telling us about a surgery that they had to perform on this woman. | ||
| She had to get her leg removed. | ||
| So they had to cut through bone and meat and hack this woman's leg off for some medical reason. | ||
| I don't know what the reason was. | ||
| So they're in the middle of doing this procedure. | ||
| They remove her leg, and he turns around, and the doctor that he's with has the leg over his head, and he goes like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| Like he's doing some crazy caveman joke in the operating room. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| When they just removed this lady's leg. | ||
| He's got it over his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's going... | |
| Like, he's gonna eat her or something. | ||
| Like, it's fucking... | ||
| It's hilarious, but super disturbing. | ||
| Super disturbing, yeah. | ||
| But I guess, I mean, you're just over it when you do it enough. | ||
| Look, him joking around about it is not gonna make her leg, like, not grow back or something. | ||
| I mean, she's already in dire straits. | ||
| You ever witnessed surgery? | ||
| You ever go in and observe surgery? | ||
| I saw my own surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I watched my own surgery. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, my knee down. | ||
| My first knee operation, I wanted to watch it. | ||
| So they gave me an epidural and I watched it. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's gnarly though, right? | ||
| Well, it's interesting to look at your body like... | ||
| Like the joints, they seem like when you're getting operated on, they're fixing something. | ||
| The joints seem like a hinge instead of like a part of your body. | ||
| Like you see it as, you know, you see what a joint actually is. | ||
| When you see the tissue in there, because it was a complicated procedure. | ||
| It's called a patella tendon graft. | ||
| They open up your knee like a fish, and then they take a chunk of your patella tendon, which is your big, thick, this one that's in the front, Uh-huh. | ||
| It's pretty thick. | ||
| And you don't need all of that. | ||
| So they take like a third of it. | ||
| And then they open you up. | ||
| And then they screw it into the bone on the top. | ||
| And screw it into the bone on the bottom. | ||
| And then they stitch it all up. | ||
| And it was so weird to watch them do that. | ||
| And it was so much better after that surgery? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was fucked. | ||
| Before the surgery, it was wobbly. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| But you're watching, and they're cutting into you, and you have no feelings. | ||
| When I was birthing our son, she's like, do you want a mirror to see his head? | ||
| I was like, no! | ||
| Let's keep going! | ||
| No, fuck no! | ||
| So, I mean, that's pretty amazed that you were able to look at your own body. | ||
| I wanted to see it. | ||
| Yeah, I was hoping. | ||
| I was never going to do this again. | ||
| I'm like, well, if I'm going to do this, I want to watch it. | ||
| I observed a full day of surgery, an entire day. | ||
| I saw eight operations when I was a freshman in high school. | ||
| I had the illusion that I would be a doctor. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I want to be a doctor. | ||
| What kind of doctor would you be, Tom? | ||
| My uncle was a doctor. | ||
| He set me up at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. | ||
| And so I meet this guy, and I was a pretty big kid, so they're like, what college do you go to? | ||
| And I was like, no, I'm in high school. | ||
| And they're like... | ||
| Okay, you ready to see this? | ||
| Like, I thought I was a little more. | ||
| And the first one we see is a woman who's spread eagle. | ||
| She's 80, and they're removing a cyst from her vagina. | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| He goes, so he comes over, because he comes over to me, and I'm with my dad, and he goes, hey, don't make any, like, jokes while you're in here. | ||
| And I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| He goes, she's awake. | ||
| So if you're like, oh, look at her old pussy, she's going to hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ! | |
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that old pussy. | |
| No, but the best is they go in. | ||
| Gnarly. | ||
| They fucking open up. | ||
| The cyst is the size of a softball. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And so the guy's like, this is the biggest cyst we've ever seen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Has another nurse go get a camera. | ||
| Starts documenting. | ||
| He's like, this is going to be in a journal. | ||
| Nasty. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Then they rupture it and it's just shooting pus out of there. | ||
| Have you ever gone to drpimplepopper.com? | ||
| No! | ||
| Oh boy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, bro! | |
| Headphones, please. | ||
| Headphones. | ||
| We're going to introduce you to the world of Dr. Pimple Popper. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She's a lady on Instagram, and I'm obsessed with her page. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh shit. | |
| She's got like millions of followers too. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| All she does is, her YouTube videos and her Instagram videos are all just her popping cysts. | ||
| And it is strangely, strangely fascinating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no! | |
| I don't know! | ||
| So she cut Dr. Sandra Lee. | ||
| Hello, Sandra. | ||
| Millions of views on Instagram, millions of views on YouTube. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to barf. | ||
| Oh, no, not yet. | ||
| Wait till you see it. | ||
| You're not going to barf yet. | ||
| So right now she's cutting into this woman's back who has what looks like a small frog growing at her back. | ||
| So she's cutting the top of it off. | ||
| Cutting a chunk of the meat off. | ||
| She's really good at not cutting it yet, right? | ||
| The scissors. | ||
| Yeah, because she wants to remove it in one chunk. | ||
| Like, sometimes she can get them in one chunk. | ||
| Like, she's opening it up right now with these scissors. | ||
| This is not the most satisfying, because this right now, we're just looking at surgery. | ||
| You okay, Christina? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know! | |
| I don't like it! | ||
| Why are you so freaking out? | ||
| Because it just... | ||
| So she's snipping. | ||
| Why you gotta be so nasty, Joe? | ||
| I have seen so many people get cut and knocked unconscious and beat up. | ||
| I'm not averse to looking at cysts. | ||
| Now, look how nasty this is once she starts squirting. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Well, thank you. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| Fuck is happening! | ||
| That's a fucking anemone coming out of that person's body. | ||
| I'm gonna vomit. | ||
| I think that's a back? | ||
| Is that a back cyst? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Sorry to tell. | ||
| What is a cyst? | ||
| It's just nasty. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just nasty shit. | ||
| I don't know what a cyst is. | ||
| That was... | ||
| Huh? | ||
| I think it's dead skin. | ||
| I read about one of these recently because I was watching it. | ||
| Well, why don't you just Google it? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I can't while we're watching it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| We'll find out. | ||
| We did so much speculation. | ||
| We did a podcast this weekend without Jamie on the computer. | ||
| And we were asking questions and no one ever answered the questions. | ||
| We just said it was like 100% misinformation. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| I heard it was like this. | ||
| Do you want to look? | ||
| Hey, Jamie, I think we're all good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| He's going to get to the end of it. | ||
| Some of them are fucking unbelievable. | ||
| There's more in there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's like trash. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like you're trashing your body. | ||
| There's still five minutes left on this video. | ||
| I'm going to throw up, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That doesn't do a damn thing to me. | ||
| You just had a baby. | ||
| You should be durable now. | ||
| I am, but this is like... | ||
| Look at the hole. | ||
| It's crazy how big that hole is. | ||
| Like, that's a goddamn gaping hole. | ||
| See, that's fine. | ||
| I don't like the stuff coming out. | ||
| Yeah, that's the gnarly part. | ||
| I wonder why she had to do it that way. | ||
| Obviously, I'm not a doctor. | ||
| I'm not criticizing her technique. | ||
| But I wonder why you have to take a chunk out of the skin instead of making a little hatch. | ||
| Like, you remember those old-school pajamas? | ||
| That's a good-sized gape, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a small fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, for the love of mommy. | ||
| You gotta get that last part out, that sack that it's all holding in, and that hole's just what's left over after you get everything. | ||
| I heard that they don't actually know what causes cysts. | ||
| Oh, how comforting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They don't know anything. | ||
| Oh, you're just growing a golf ball-sized bag of pus on your head. | ||
| Nobody knows anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's this from? | |
| No, we don't know. | ||
| And people grow in weird spots, too. | ||
| They don't even know why. | ||
| You go, weird spots on the top of your head and shit. | ||
| It's just cells, right? | ||
| Like, they overgrow, and they're not cancerous. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| Membranus? | ||
| Membranus? | ||
| Membranus. | ||
| Membranous. | ||
| In the body, a membranous sac or cavity of abnormal character containing fluid, a tough protective capsule enclosing the larva of parasitic worm. | ||
| So yeah, I guess it's a cavity containing fluid. | ||
| And they use the word fluid super loosely. | ||
| It's not like a snapple. | ||
| It's fucking pus. | ||
| It's not fluid. | ||
| It's like a whipped cream like pussy. | ||
| Nastiness. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Nah, no bueno. | ||
| Not on your vagina, too. | ||
| That's, I imagine. | ||
| This lady's, I still remember it. | ||
| It was massive. | ||
| Where on her vag? | ||
| On the outer part so everybody could see or inside? | ||
| It was inside, but then they had her in some way where they could push back and you could see it coming out of the side. | ||
| Like on the wall. | ||
| Like a speculum? | ||
| Like they opened her up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's gnarly. | ||
| Now, it really had fluid, though. | ||
| I do remember that. | ||
| It wasn't like this. | ||
| It really was like a stream coming out. | ||
| I hate to be disrespectful, but do you think it made her pussy tighter? | ||
| I think so! | ||
| Seems like it would. | ||
| It's a really good question. | ||
| I don't see how it could not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It must have. | |
| I mean, if you had it in your mouth, it'd be sure tough to swallow. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Imagine if you got it in your box. | ||
| I think that's how they said snug it up. | ||
| They discovered it because her husband was like, it's just thanks for tight. | ||
| He's like, oh shit, baby! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get up! | |
| Get on up! | ||
| Pussy just got tight! | ||
| Do you guys remember when James Brown went on that shooting spree because someone used his toilet? | ||
| Someone took a shit in his personal bathroom? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You don't remember this? | ||
| He got in a shootout with the cops. | ||
| He drove off with a shotgun. | ||
| He threatened someone with a gun in the office for shitting in his toilet. | ||
| And then he got in a car, a high speed chase to the cops. | ||
| The cops shot his tire out and he kept driving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| His mugshot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
His mugshot. | |
| I remember that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's what it was from. | ||
| His last mugshot. | ||
| How many times has he been arrested? | ||
| I think he got arrested a few times. | ||
| His last one where he's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mike Epps has the joke. | |
| You remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| The year that that happened, Mike Epps put out a special. | ||
| He was like, James Brown looked like a Thundercat. | ||
| That's the best description of that. | ||
| Because he did. | ||
| He had like this straight... | ||
| And he had that ridiculous smile in that. | ||
| I remember, do you remember the James Brown super coked out interview he did? | ||
| Yes, I was just thinking about that one. | ||
| What was that interview on? | ||
| It was on CNN. Is this it? | ||
| This looks like it. | ||
| The day after shooting at police. | ||
| On PCP it says. | ||
| Oh, don't you miss? | ||
| Oh yes, I do remember this. | ||
| He had the crazy glasses on. | ||
| Give us some volume, Jamie. | ||
| His jaw is going crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I miss PCP. Yeah, he was just singing. | |
| Living in America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing wrong. | |
| Nothing wrong at all. | ||
| You're not in any difficulty, but you're out on bond. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| Have all the charges been dropped? | ||
| Yeah, I'm out on love. | ||
| I'm out on love. | ||
| Are you out on love or out of love? | ||
| Which is it? | ||
| Out on love. | ||
| Alone from night to night, you find me. | ||
| Now, James, this isn't the first time you and your wife have had a problem. | ||
| Are the two of you going to be able to work this out? | ||
| Let's talk about some music. | ||
| You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened. | ||
| No, it's all over. | ||
| Well, let's talk about your tour. | ||
| When are you leaving? | ||
| We're leaving tomorrow. | ||
| And where are you going? | ||
| Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo. | ||
| Your fans will have heard all about this, James. | ||
| Aren't you concerned about that? | ||
| I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong. | ||
| Look at his glasses. | ||
| Look at his jaw. | ||
| Grinding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Papa's got a brand new bag. | |
| It's a man's world. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the second time we've heard that in two days. | |
| That's very interesting. | ||
| Now, don't leave us, James. | ||
| You stay right there. | ||
| We have more that we have to talk about. | ||
| Well, tell us a little bit about... | ||
| If you listen to this, you have to see this. | ||
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you going to be doing on this tour? | |
| Papa's got a brand new bag. | ||
| Living in America. | ||
| Sex machine. | ||
| Get up off of that thing. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| You know what this is like? | ||
| Do you ever hear those when the radio shows would call someone up and they would use... | ||
| Wait, he's got... | ||
| Sorry, go ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| More? | ||
| Oh, yeah, because he tells her that he smells good and he makes love good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to mingle? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, the women love you when you get out there. | |
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| What'd you say? | ||
| The women love you when you get out there. | ||
| Why is that, ladies? | ||
| Well, I'm asking you. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Because I look good. | ||
| I smell good. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| And you sing good. | ||
| And make love good. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Well, there we are. | ||
| We don't have to ask anybody else. | ||
| We got that from the source. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| Now, you're involved in publishing a gospel magazine. | ||
| Tell us a little bit about it. | ||
| A gospel magazine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's coming. | |
| It's out of Augusta, Georgia's ankle. | ||
| Joseph P. Young is the editor, and James Viner, one of the advisors. | ||
| And we're doing a fantastic job. | ||
| The second coming. | ||
| It features, on this week, I think we have the Pope, and I believe the Williams brothers. | ||
| He's lit, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He looks like Michael Jackson when he turned into a werewolf in Thriller. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right, dude! | ||
| Look at his eyes. | ||
| You nailed it! | ||
| Look at those glasses. | ||
| That's totally it, bro. | ||
| That's what he looks like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see that short film I made a few years ago about him? | ||
| No! | ||
| You made a film about James Brown? | ||
| Well, I made a film with Ryan Sickler, a comedian, about a real story about him. | ||
| It's called Nine Inches, and it's on my YouTube page. | ||
| And what it's about is that there's a real story about two guys who shot each other in an argument over James Brown's height. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we made a short about it. | ||
| This is all about James Brown. | ||
| How did I not know about this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it happened in Alabama. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| He just pulled it up. | ||
| But it's based on a real story. | ||
| Two guys got in an argument about how tall he is. | ||
| And basically, one guy was like, you know, James Brown's 5'5", or whatever. | ||
| And that dude's like, he's 6 feet, motherfucker. | ||
| And they got so heated, they shot each other. | ||
| Over his height. | ||
| So that's why it's called five or nine inches? | ||
| It's called nine inches because of the discrepancy. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But it's a real story that these guys were friends. | ||
| Like, good friends. | ||
| People get mad about nothing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| People get mad about shit that doesn't make any sense to wind up killing each other. | ||
| Because nobody wants to back down, then it escalates. | ||
| You gotta be right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm more concerned about PCP. Where did it go? | ||
| Because remember there was a lot of cool stuff in the 80s that happened because of angel dust. | ||
| Like people lifted cars and shit. | ||
| And then it just went away. | ||
| Where is PCP? My old boxing coach had his finger bitten off when he was on PCP. Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, where's that cool shit now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, all the fun stuff. | |
| He had his finger bitten off on PCP and he had it replaced with his toe. | ||
| He had his, not his big toe, but his next to biggest toe put in on his right hand. | ||
| Are you being, this is a joke. | ||
| No, I'm 100% serious. | ||
| Joe Lake. | ||
| Love that guy to death. | ||
| He's my boxing coach when I was a kid. | ||
| He had his finger permanently bent so he could throw right hooks. | ||
| He was a southpaw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Had a very good right hook. | ||
| He didn't want to give it up. | ||
| So when you would shake his hand... | ||
| Shake it like that? | ||
| He has like a little hook. | ||
| Like a baby finger. | ||
| Yeah, it's like constantly turned. | ||
| That was a toe? | ||
| That was a toe. | ||
| It's a toe, but now it's his index finger. | ||
| And he had his toe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they took it off of his foot. | ||
| Yeah, his foot only has four toes. | ||
| It has a toe, a big toe, and then three hanglers. | ||
| Which I guess you don't need all of them. | ||
| And somebody bit it off on TCP. In a street fight, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that reminds me. | ||
| See? | ||
| That reminds me. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| That I was with Diaz for three days. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Why does it remind you that? | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because this is so perfect. | ||
| So I'm with Diaz. | ||
| We're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater. | ||
| We did the Oddball Tour. | ||
| So we're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater. | ||
| He just massacred. | ||
| It was close to 10,000 people. | ||
| We get in the shuttle, because there's intermission, and Joey and I were before intermission. | ||
| So we tell the driver, we want to go back to the hotel. | ||
| There's still another half of a show to go. | ||
| So it's just Joey, myself, and the driver. | ||
| And we get in the car. | ||
| There's no music on. | ||
| We're just talking. | ||
| And we just hit one of those moments. | ||
| You know when you're on a highway at night? | ||
| And you kind of hit that thing where it's like, everyone stops talking for a minute, and you're looking out the window, and you can feel like... | ||
| And you're just kind of staring off. | ||
| No one's talking. | ||
| And then after like 15 seconds of silence, Joey goes... | ||
| I would tell you about the time I saw a guy cut open at the Tenderloin in 1979. His stomach split wide open. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| And I just see the driver's eyes widen. | ||
| And I was like, no. | ||
| He goes, yeah, his blood was brown because he was bleeding for so long. | ||
| People just stepped over him. | ||
| And I saw two guys stab each other in the fucking street. | ||
| 1980. Just over nothing. | ||
| They just stab each other. | ||
| I almost shit my pants. | ||
| But then I got used to it. | ||
| And then you just see the driver's eye. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I got used to it. | ||
| Just look over, like, who's this guy sitting next to me? | ||
| Which is all you saw from, like, uh, he was, he's such a, like, a rocket ship of a personality that you get used to, like, all the people on this tour, because I did all the dates, and then you should see, like, the first night he came out, I'd see, like, the oddball staff, like, turning, like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Because he's just so out in left field, you know? | ||
| He can't prepare for it. | ||
| He's just like... | ||
| He's got not a fuck in his tank. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| Dude, he just calls people cocksuckers. | ||
| Like, the audience. | ||
| The comedians are like, what's up, cocksuckers? | ||
| They're like, who the fuck? | ||
| He did it to 8,000 people last night. | ||
| Oh, it's so great. | ||
| What's up, you fucking cocksuckers? | ||
| It's endearing once you see him live. | ||
| He even has some reference to it. | ||
| He would throw people off, right? | ||
| You could tell that some people would be like, oh my god. | ||
| And then he goes, yeah, I say some fucked up shit. | ||
| And then he goes, but I'm your Uncle Joey, you know? | ||
| Everyone's got an Uncle Joey like me. | ||
| It's a little uncomfortable at first, like a finger in your ass. | ||
| And then they're just laughing again right away. | ||
| He gets how he hits people, you know? | ||
| Yeah, he's something odd. | ||
| I've never been anybody like him before. | ||
| He's a force of nature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a rare occurrence. | |
| Really owns his farts in public, by the way. | ||
| Really? | ||
| His fart game is strong. | ||
| He was just like, I gotta tell you something else. | ||
| At a bar. | ||
| And I was like, so loud. | ||
| And it smelled so sour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And he goes, wait till it hits that motherfucker. | ||
| Right there, he points at the guy. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's crazy, man. | ||
| It's so crazy he's married. | ||
| He farted once on a plane that was so bad that I had headphones on, and I smelled that I was in the middle of writing, and I smelled it, and I just go, and I start to make this face, and then I go, and I put my shirt over my nose, and then it hits the woman behind us. | ||
| With the headphones on, listening to the music, I hear, oh my god! | ||
| So I'm hearing... | ||
| Ow! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, ah! | |
| And he's got his hands rested on his butt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On his gut, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a maniac. | ||
| He takes credit for it, too, huh? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I do it on planes, but I keep it private. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep it under wraps. | |
| I don't take credit. | ||
| And no one assumes I would. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I like to... | ||
| Plus the sound, it's so much on a plane that you can fart. | ||
| You can just let it rip. | ||
| No one's going to hear it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good quality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He also says things that don't add up for that. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| He goes, you know me, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like... | |
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| It's like my favorite thing about his periscopes. | ||
| His periscopes, he'll smoke, you know? | ||
| He'll smoke crazy amounts of weed. | ||
| He's like, at six o'clock in the morning, I've always rolled two joints, smoked them. | ||
| Fuck are you doing with your life? | ||
| And I'm like, hold on. | ||
| I go, you're implying that that's the accomplishment? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I'm doing something, what are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's always up. | |
| It's that I got high. | ||
| When I have to do shit early in the morning, I always call him, because he's always awake. | ||
| He's always awake, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a maniac. | ||
| He told me that 4.30, sometimes he's like, you know, it just hits me like a thought. | ||
| I just get up. | ||
| I'm like, fucking 4.30? | ||
| He wants to get up sometimes. | ||
| Is he not a sleeper? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| You'd think that he would just be passed out, but no. | ||
| Some people don't need to sleep. | ||
| If I get up to pee, and it's like 4 o'clock in the morning, the problem is sometimes I'll have an idea. | ||
| And if I have an idea, I've gone back to sleep, I'm like, I'll remember it. | ||
| And I never remember it. | ||
| So now, if I have any kind of an idea, or I think it might be an idea, I have to sit down. | ||
| And then I have to write something out. | ||
| Or talk into my phone. | ||
| I'll talk into my phone a little bit just to try to capture it. | ||
| You gotta write it down. | ||
| That's key. | ||
| If I don't, I'm fucked. | ||
| Because if I don't, I'm not getting any sleep. | ||
| Because then I'll be sitting there thinking like, gosh, I should have just got up. | ||
| It's always that thing where you go, it could be like when you're about to fall asleep or about to wake up, and you go, I got that though. | ||
| That'll come to me. | ||
| You know what I find? | ||
| I had to do this thing for ESPN today, so I had to get up early and I had to drive on the highway in traffic and all that shit. | ||
| But when I got up early, woke up, had a cup of coffee, I'm out the door, in the hustle and bustle, and there's something about getting up early, forcing yourself to get up, and then having a cup of coffee and going out and do something. | ||
| It gives you like a little momentum going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, I'm up early. | ||
| There's something to getting up early. | ||
| And I used to really resent people that would brag about it. | ||
| Like, well, I've been up since 530. | ||
| Well, la-di-da, fuckwad. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| It's a little self-congratulatory thing. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Like, look how disciplined I am. | ||
| Well, fuck off, I go to bed late. | ||
| We're up earlier. | ||
| But now the kid's up at, you know, the crack of dawn, so we gotta be up too, and now I'm used to it. | ||
| Now I'm one of those people. | ||
| You adjust. | ||
| Sending emails at 6am to my agents. | ||
| And I do like it more. | ||
| I actually do like it more. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense, but I feel like when I force myself to wake up in the morning, I get a better feeling about the day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like I'm starting off in a good way. | ||
| Like, all right, we're up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just go. | |
| I can't just yawn. | ||
| What do I got here? | ||
| 11? | ||
| Let me just jerk off. | ||
| Wake up at 1230. | ||
| I can be at the gym by three. | ||
| That'll be fine. | ||
| One thing I don't like, though, I don't like morning workouts. | ||
| No? | ||
| I like afternoon workouts, yeah. | ||
| I like to work out first thing. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like to do something with no food. | ||
| I like to do one workout in the morning, like something. | ||
| Chin-ups, bodyweight squats, something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I hit the bag. | ||
| No food. | ||
| I like to do that several times a week. | ||
| But I always feel stronger and I have more energy if I work out late in the afternoon. | ||
| I like the late afternoon. | ||
| Now do you overeat though after you work out on an empty stomach afterwards? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, I mean I'm gonna be hungry, but I'm always hungry after I work out. | ||
| I don't eat like much more. | ||
| I see what you eat on Instagram. | ||
| I put my food on Instagram. | ||
| Lots of meats. | ||
| One of those annoying fucks. | ||
| I have a lot of meat. | ||
| You guys want some meat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'll give you some elk. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| Show you how to cook it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's super good for you. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| It's yummy. | ||
| Because you do a lot of veggies and meat, I noticed. | ||
| No carbs. | ||
| Very little carbs. | ||
| I eat a lot of avocados. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I eat a lot of coconut oil, a lot of fat. | ||
| That's what I'm eating. | ||
| That's what he's doing right now. | ||
| You're doing that? | ||
| Yeah, high fat, low carb, yeah. | ||
| You know what you need to get a hold of, dude? | ||
| You gotta get a hold of some ketones. | ||
| Do we have them here? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, if you're on a ketogenic diet, let's try a few of these and tell me what you think. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's called Kegenics. | ||
| This is the stuff that I use, but this is made by this guy, Dom D'Agostino, who's a research scientist from some university in Florida, by the way. | ||
| He's in Florida. | ||
| And he's one of the foremost specialists on ketogenic diets and the benefits of ketogenic diets. | ||
| I've been reading a lot about it. | ||
| He's super scientific, though. | ||
| And the best resource, if you want to listen to this, is the Tim Ferriss Show. | ||
| Tim Ferriss' podcast. | ||
| He had three different podcasts with Dom D'Agostino. | ||
| And the first one was one of the things that got me super excited about trying. | ||
| To go on a fat-based diet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just listen to all the benefits this guy was talking about. | ||
| There's a whole series of benefits. | ||
| That and intermittent fasting. | ||
| Getting your body into a state where it's just burning fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The big one, though, the real big one, though, is the hunger thing. | ||
| There's two big ones. | ||
| One, I have energy all throughout the day. | ||
| I know people right now are listening to this going, oh my god, he's talking about a ketogenic diet again. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ, because I talk about it too much. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But just for you guys, you don't have as much hunger. | ||
| Like, in between meals, you don't have that feeling. | ||
| I'm a month into it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm down almost 18 pounds. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| I, uh... | ||
| I basically have felt that way where I'm not just feeling that satisfaction more. | ||
| I'm also eating overall less food. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I used to eat just more of a higher volume of food. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like every meal was much bigger than it was. | ||
| Because that fat satisfies you much quicker, you know? | ||
| Well, it definitely satisfies you longer, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just like the craving for carbs, like I got off of it when I went on this trip. | ||
| I went on a trip and I was with these guys camping for six days and there just wasn't, there's no way, I mean there was just so much food that wasn't ketogenic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's all we had was that food. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So I got off it. | ||
| And the first thing I noticed is like how hungry I would get in between meals. | ||
| The sugar spikes. | ||
| Yeah, you get like, God damn it, I gotta eat. | ||
| And I realized, wow, I don't get that when I'm on the fat-based diet. | ||
| And as soon as I got on the fat-based diet again, it went away. | ||
| You know what my second day of cutting the sugar and stuff was? | ||
| It was when we did that live podcast. | ||
| I was snapping at everybody. | ||
| Oh yeah, you were so grumpy. | ||
| Oh, did you get like heroin? | ||
| I didn't realize how much sugar I was consuming regularly. | ||
| But the first 48 to 72 hours, I was about to be on the first 48. I was really snapping at people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I couldn't control it. | ||
| I also had a really hard time focusing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| For those first couple days. | ||
| Yeah, they call it the keto flu. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you feel like you have the flu. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine, my friend Brendan tried it. | ||
| Not Brendan Chobb, another Brendan. | ||
| And when he tried it, he sent me a text message. | ||
| He's like, do you feel shitty? | ||
| Do you feel tired when you're first doing this? | ||
| Some people, it hits them really bad. | ||
| I was just really irritable. | ||
| Yeah, really irritable. | ||
| You were jonesing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wanted it bad, man. | ||
| Bad. | ||
| So bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tell me. | |
| And you forget all the stuff that has sugar in it. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Everything does. | ||
| Actually, the other cool part about it, besides the health benefits, from what I've read, a lot of people's cholesterol goes down, all that stuff goes down. | ||
| It's a good exercise in discipline and in being focused and mindful of something. | ||
| That's the cool part. | ||
| I'm not a super disciplined person about a lot of things. | ||
| I'm disciplined about work. | ||
| I don't find myself to be super disciplined, and all of a sudden you're going, all right, I have to look at what's in this, and then you're starting to catch things. | ||
| It makes you more focused overall, because you're focused on trying to do this one, like, I want to eliminate sugar, which is secretly in everything, you know? | ||
| Well, I think a lot of addictions, they're all, it's almost the same thing. | ||
| It's the same pattern. | ||
| And that pattern is, you're just doing something, and you can't even believe you're doing it while you're doing it, and I'm betting all on black! | ||
| Whether it's gambling or whether it's sex or whether it's drugs or whether it's... | ||
| I mean, people are addicted to a bunch of different weird shit. | ||
| And food is a big one, man. | ||
| It's a big one, man. | ||
| It's kind of the same thing. | ||
| They're just caught up in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then after you're done, you're like, what the fuck did I do? | |
| What did I do? | ||
| Before I had a baby, I had so much free time. | ||
| And I didn't realize how much of that time I just spent eating. | ||
| Like, really, just snacking on shit that I did not, and now I don't have the time to, you know, you lose the baby weight gradually. | ||
| It wasn't an effort, because I don't have fucking time. | ||
| I used to graze out of boredom or depression or on the road or whatever, and then, you know, you don't need to eat half the shit. | ||
| I didn't need to eat half the shit I was eating. | ||
| It's simple mouth pleasure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to look at it. | ||
| There's two different things going on at the same time. | ||
| One, there's a simple mouth pleasure. | ||
| Like when you eat lasagna or something like that. | ||
| It's so fun to brought that up. | ||
| I couldn't even do it last weekend. | ||
| It was too many carbs. | ||
| I felt like it was so heavy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I miss pasta. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Pasta's good. | ||
| You know what I broke on for a day and I just had a little bit? | ||
| I love like... | ||
| A really, like the properly made way, rice, like a rice that's made, you know, not like quick rice, but like boiled and someone makes rice perfect. | ||
| Yeah, our Guatemalan nanny did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's great. | |
| Yeah, I had a cheesesteak in Philly on Saturday night. | ||
| Get your life. | ||
| How was that? | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where'd you go? | |
| Are you going to give them a plug? | ||
| I think it was Jim's. | ||
| Jim's? | ||
| Jim's steak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Me and Tony found the place that had the most authentic reviews. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's from my Instagram with them cooking it in front of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| They put Cheez Whiz on it, which in retrospect was a mistake. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I should have gone with Provolone. | ||
| I go Provolone. | ||
| Yeah, and the guy was like, do you want to try Wiz? | ||
| I go, what is that? | ||
| He goes, Cheez Wiz? | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| He goes, that's how we do it. | ||
| That's how some OG moves, yeah. | ||
| I always thought that was disgusting. | ||
| I like processed cheese. | ||
| I'm real white trash, though. | ||
| I like all that stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like Provolone. | |
| Shaky cheese. | ||
| It just doesn't taste as good. | ||
| Provolone tastes better. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Chopped onions? | ||
| You do onions? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Peppers. | ||
| Peppers, mushrooms. | ||
| What kind of peanut butter? | ||
| Hot pepper, too. | ||
| You like Jif over Skippy? | ||
| I like that no sugar peanut butter that you have to stick the knife in and make a mess on your countertop because you've got to stir the oil in. | ||
| You've got to do it yourself. | ||
| I like that stuff. | ||
| If you had to go Skippy or Jif, this is kind of a battle for us. | ||
| Who would you go with Jif? | ||
| Be honest, okay? | ||
| Skippy. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| You've never been a friend. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| But Jiff is a little more peanut-ier. | ||
| See, Jiffy is like a little bit more sugary, but Jiff is more peanut-y. | ||
| Maybe I got those reversed. | ||
| But Skippy does taste more processed, but I like the taste. | ||
| Yeah, it does taste more, right? | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Jif is more peace. | ||
| Yes, that's right. | ||
| So now you're correcting yourself. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| So you're team Jif. | ||
| He said Skippy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because it's like candy. | ||
| I'm eating candy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's so good. | |
| I know I'm not really eating peanut butter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or I am eating peanut butter, but it's like peanut butter cups. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, those are the best. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| Oh, Reese cups, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And for like 20 years, we never knew, basically, that that's not really what peanut butter is. | ||
| Tastes like, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, you're just like having it, and you're like, this is candy. | ||
| Like, peanut butter is candy. | ||
| It's like, no, it's not supposed to taste like that. | ||
| And then you get it as a kid, and you're at lunch, and it was just sugar layer, and then a sugar layer of jelly. | ||
| Of jelly? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, when I was a kid, my parents made me eat healthy. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| My parents were hippies when I was a kid, and they made me eat healthy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| My stepdad was a total hippie. | ||
| Like, he had hair down to his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aww. | |
| Aww. | ||
| And my mom was a hippie too. | ||
| We lived in San Francisco, the whole deal. | ||
| And we ate wheat bread with that fucking nasty peanut butter that you had to stir with a knife. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And when you're a little kid, you're so bummed out because everybody else has white bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they have where the jelly goes into the bread and like it turns like, it's like, you ever see like a nice smoked meat where it gets that layer on the outside of darkness and it's like a ring, like a smoke wing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on like Wonder Bread? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The jelly starts to leak into the bread. | ||
| Because it's so shitty. | ||
| A fine crust. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But those, they would melt in your mouth. | ||
| You would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Jif with a dessert for lunch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With Wonder Bread, rather, and with a glass of milk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She had, like, Cold War lunches from her day. | ||
| Tell them what you had for lunch. | ||
| So my parents split. | ||
| I lived with my dad for a few years, and he would make me lunch. | ||
| It was a cut piece of bread off of a loaf, some Eastern European rye with no seed, and then butter, and then salami on butter, which is just grease on grease. | ||
| My stomach would hurt. | ||
| For a kid to go to lunch at school, it would be like... | ||
| We just have this fatty meat with butter. | ||
| With butter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| Or jelly and butter. | ||
| Daily. | ||
| He just says, you should eat the way he eats. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he's like, he looks great. | ||
| He looks great. | ||
| He has colbac. | ||
| Again. | ||
| Like, you know, basically super fatty sausage. | ||
| And then he's like, eggs, onions, beer. | ||
| Where does he get his bread? | ||
| These loaves of bread? | ||
| Well, there's a place here in Woodland Hills. | ||
| It's called German Cold Cuts. | ||
| It's on Topanga Canyon. | ||
| I grew up going there. | ||
| It's a tiny little German place, and it's rye with no seeds. | ||
| Then there's another one. | ||
| Otto's in Burbank. | ||
| It's another German slash Hungarian. | ||
| They got all the treats. | ||
| And my dad is... | ||
| Like, we have cockroach DNA. Like, we're Eastern blockers. | ||
| I have relatives who, one guy drives a cab, 80 years old, never exercised, drinks a liter of vodka every day, smokes. | ||
| Like, it's just our family. | ||
| I do think it is, because she never gets sick either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| It's like so weird. | ||
| I'll get like a fucking flu. | ||
| I think I go to the hospital. | ||
| And she's like, like snips for a couple days. | ||
| She's like, I beat it. | ||
| Your people survive plays? | ||
| Strong like bull. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Resilient. | ||
| Think about like, like Eastern Bloc people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of the hardiest people, if you think like hardy white folks. | ||
| Just the most tender, the sweetest, and the most kind and affectionate people. | ||
| But that's the thing I don't like, though, is that my parents are just so cold. | ||
| Like, my stepmom used to get offended when waiters would come to the table at a restaurant and be like, what's up, folks? | ||
| She's like, what is folks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you, folks. | |
| Like, they think that it's weakness to be friendly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And smile. | |
| If you're like, hi, how are you? | ||
| They just think you're dumb. | ||
| Wow, they went through too many wars. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Their people went through too much chaos. | ||
| Too much trauma. | ||
| It had to be hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of just, like, cold stares. | ||
| Yeah, that's my ex-stepmom. | ||
| He didn't like her. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Do you think that's why... | ||
| Do you think Russians admire Putin because... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But do you think they admire him because they're scared? | ||
| No. | ||
| Or do you think they admire him because they actually admire that hard-ass... | ||
| That's a cultural... | ||
| Bad motherfucker. | ||
| It's a cultural thing. | ||
| He'd be seen as a pussy if he were to be, you know, like our Obama. | ||
| Hey, how's it going? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that stuff is considered, like, what are you fucking queer? | |
| But a bunch are scared, too. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But he, like, jacks... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He jacks these guys that are billionaires. | ||
| Like, he takes over the companies and puts them in jail. | ||
| There's good reason to be scared. | ||
| But I feel like they've been scared for so many leaders. | ||
| I mean, look, they've been through communism. | ||
| Oh, did you guys see... | ||
| Just years. | ||
| I gotta remember this. | ||
| Did you guys see the assassination attempt on him recently? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| On Putin? | ||
| Somebody did a suicide assassination attempt on Putin, and the way they did it is, they were driving on the opposite side of the highway, and they drove head-on into his car. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like this. | ||
| He's on one side, they're on the other side, and they had a median. | ||
| And this guy drives in the center of the median, like before Putin's car comes, and when he sees Putin's car, he turns right into it. | ||
| So he knew it was that car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Putin wasn't in the car, but his driver was. | ||
| His driver was, and his driver was killed. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And is there a video of this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Wow. | ||
| There's a couple videos from a couple different angles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Those dashboard cameras they have over there? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is like a street camera. | ||
| So you can see the cars. | ||
| You can see the cars. | ||
| Holy moly. | ||
| And they see them slamming each other. | ||
| I mean, they go on like 80 miles an hour, both sides. | ||
| And is Putin's vehicle... | ||
| Everyone's dead. | ||
| But is his vehicle led and trailed by escort, by security, or no? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because Putin wasn't in the car. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Maybe they thought he was in the car. | ||
| Maybe they had a heads up and they knew something was going on. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck knows? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe they put him in a bunch of different, you know, had a bunch of different cars. | ||
| But you can see here. | ||
| Here, roll it back and watch this. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| That guy did that on purpose. | ||
| Roll it back again, Jamie. | ||
| Why does that thing keep shutting off? | ||
| Something wrong with the connector? | ||
| Boom. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| So there's a couple different angles of it, but the guy, like, literally just drove right into the other lane. | ||
| So that dude knew for sure that was, I mean, obviously to target that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Knew for sure to target it and knew for sure he was gonna die. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're both dead. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, also just the precision of knowing. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, the timing on that. | ||
| You've got to really get your timing right. | ||
| How did they know? | ||
| I mean, there must have been other people involved. | ||
| What am I, CSI? Wow. | ||
| Scary. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked up. | ||
| He's a fascinating figure. | ||
| When those people exist in this day and age, like Kim Jong-un, when that guy exists in 2016, it makes you really stop and think, like, wow, he's a dictator of a whole country. | ||
| They're all terrified of him. | ||
| Did you see when North Korea accidentally let all of its websites become available for a brief moment of time? | ||
| They have 28 websites. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it? | |
| There's only 28 websites in the internet in North Korea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the people that live in North Korea, they think that's the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's got to be. | ||
| They're all state-run websites, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a list of them, but they made a list of the websites that- Are they like, uh, kingjeanmun is handsome.com, kingjeanmun is superfastrunner.com. | ||
| I thought you meant that it became free for a minute, and I was like, oh, I wonder how much porn was downloaded, like, immediately within 20- Could you imagine- It would be insane. | ||
| I think it was they just fucked up and let the rest of the world look at it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I saw that documentary where this big thing is that these South Koreans will put films on flash drives. | ||
| Films? | ||
| Yeah, movies. | ||
| On flash drives. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And then sneak flash drives. | ||
| Oh, over in North Korea? | ||
| And so that they can see other countries, landscapes, movies. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it just blows their minds. | ||
| I want to see what the websites were. | ||
| Did you find what the websites were? | ||
| This wasn't a great list on here. | ||
| I was going to search websites to find a better one. | ||
| Yeah, they have 28 websites, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's bananas. | ||
| It is all Kim Jong-un's hands. | ||
| There was a cooking one that showed off, and then Korean films. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| Kim Jong-un's superlongdick.com. | ||
| Rudimentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Rudimentary web design skills that are a hallmark of North Korea's online presence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In fact, many of the websites appeared to have stopped functioning at all by Wednesday morning. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What an insane world. | ||
| I wish I could see them. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's so sad when you think about that that's someone's whole existence to live there. | ||
| Well, did you see when Kim Jong-il died? | ||
| How fucking crazy that was? | ||
| They would go to jail. | ||
| You would be sentenced to jail if you didn't cry enough. | ||
| For months. | ||
| If they felt like you weren't crying enough, they would throw you in jail. | ||
| That is bananas. | ||
| The mourning. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| People falling down the streets. | ||
| What is so amazing about North Korea is how they contain it like that. | ||
| Because my father grew up in communism in Hungary, but they could still hear the Beatles and shit, you know? | ||
| They still had access. | ||
| Nothing makes its way in here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is so crazy, watching all these people lined up crying. | ||
| And they have to cry for long periods of time. | ||
| If you stop crying too early, they'll put you in jail. | ||
| People were arrested at these events for not crying enough. | ||
| God damn it, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| Now that guy's gonna get arrested on the end there. | ||
| For crying? | ||
| I didn't see him cry enough. | ||
| Can't blow your nose on the flag. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| This guy's blowing his nose on the flag. | ||
| Show a little emotion. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| That's an exemplary. | ||
| It's like a Pentecostal guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's in tongues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, North Korea has, allegedly, this might all be U.S. propaganda... | ||
| No, they allegedly have these prison camps where people are born prisoners. | ||
| They're born into it. | ||
| And this one guy got free and gave all this testimony, explained what it was like in those camps. | ||
| And then he turned his own mother in for something that she had done. | ||
| And they showed how different jobs are given to different people depending on what level of decrepidness they're... | ||
| Is that a word? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Decrepitude? | ||
| Decrepit, yeah. | ||
| Decrepit. | ||
| Decrepit-ness? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I'm gonna let you take the lead on that one. | ||
| Uh, fucked-up-edness? | ||
| That's a word. | ||
| How much you've, you know, decayed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they're, like, not, you know, starving people out, and then they would feed them to dogs. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, and this guy was, like, showing the levels. | ||
| Like, he drew pictures of, like, what people looked like when they would do certain jobs, and once you couldn't do physical labor anymore, they would just fucking feed you to animals. | ||
| They also do this thing where, like, if you fuck up, or let's say you escape, you were a North Korean citizen, you escape, they would go round up your family. | ||
| And put them in jail. | ||
| And they have a two-generation policy there, so that your kids and their kids will live in the labor camps. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Well, during communism, my dad said that they would encourage the children at school to rat out their parents. | ||
| If you hear your parents saying anything against the government, you're supposed to rat your parents out. | ||
| And then kids would end up doing that. | ||
| And then they'd come to your door and take you away. | ||
| I think that thing is called Escape from Camp 19 or Escape from Camp 14. That documentary? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Didn't we see that? | ||
| And then that guy got free and then he was still living as though he was in North Korea. | ||
| Well, he preferred sleeping on the floor because he slept on the floor for like 25 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So sad. | |
| You know? | ||
| And he couldn't adapt. | ||
| He just couldn't adapt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| Escape from Camp 14. Yeah, we saw that. | ||
| It's a good one. | ||
| And something came out about him later that he had made up some things. | ||
| Not that his whole story was made up, but he fabricated something. | ||
| I would imagine that if you lived in a prison camp your whole life, you have some serious mental illness. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The idea that we could think that this guy's going to be sane, then we hold him up to some sort of standard. | ||
| Well, you can't even buy what he said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't you know he lied? | |
| He's such a liar. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Such a liar. | |
| You know what he said his biggest fantasy was in that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meat. | |
| Eating meat. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Like, that's what he would dream about, going to get a steak. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man. | ||
| 2016. They're still doing that to people right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so crazy, dude. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, I had George Perez on. | ||
| You know George Perez? | ||
| The comic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| George did some time in jail. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a long time ago? | ||
| Yeah, a few years back. | ||
| Early 2000s for a fight at a basketball game. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Some street basketball game. | ||
| Beat some dude up. | ||
| And then years later he was on MTV and the dude saw him on TV. I heard about that. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's how he got arrested? | ||
| Yeah, that's how he got arrested. | ||
| And then he did prison time? | ||
| Yeah, he did three years. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| He's fucking hilarious, by the way. | ||
| And his stories are hilarious. | ||
| He's just a funny, funny dude. | ||
| But when he was talking about prison, it got me thinking. | ||
| He was talking about how much people make. | ||
| And he was talking like 38 cents an hour or something like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't that one of the things that he said? | ||
| Something ridiculously low. | ||
| And then I'm like, okay, how is that not slavery? | ||
| How are you... | ||
| Not only are you putting someone in jail where they can't go anywhere, but you are forcing them to work at this insanely low rate that no one would ever work for. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| When you look at the definition of slavery, if you say, well, slavery ended in 1865... | ||
| How is slavery done in 1865 when you have men literally in chain gangs breaking rocks? | ||
| Well, we wrote it down on paper. | ||
| So, you know, well, this guy robbed a purse. | ||
| Or whatever reason you put those people in. | ||
| I mean, either kill them or, you know, you can't force someone to break rocks, right? | ||
| You can't force them to work for 13 cents an hour or whatever it is. | ||
| Do they do that still in places? | ||
| Some places. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think that one of the last places that still, or I don't know if they still do, was in Louisiana. | ||
| What's that Louisiana prison that's really famous? | ||
| They had chain gangs. | ||
| Is that the one where they made the inmates wear pink and stuff? | ||
| No, that's in Arizona. | ||
| That's a fun one. | ||
| That's Joe Arpaio, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy's crazy. | ||
| Sheriff Joe. | ||
| That's where Mike Tyson had to go. | ||
| He went there? | ||
| Mike Tyson had to wear pink. | ||
| What? | ||
| Caught with the cocaine. | ||
| Was it Coke? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wore pink. | ||
| Yeah, he wore pink. | ||
| He only had to do a couple of days, but it was, you know, one of those proof of point type things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You know, that even Mike Tyson has to wear the pink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, this is stupid, but their commissary is cheaper, right? | ||
| Like, maybe it's all adjusted for prison inflation. | ||
| I don't think it works like that. | ||
| America's only female what? | ||
| Chain gang. | ||
| The women who pull weeds and bury unclaimed bodies in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Bury unclaimed bodies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| How often does that come up? | ||
| That's number two. | ||
| Pull weeds, number one. | ||
| Bury unclaimed bodies, number two. | ||
| Number three, pick up cans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That sucks so bad. | ||
| In the Arizona desert to avoid 23 hours of lockdown in country's toughest jail. | ||
| Wow, they're all chained up, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Damn. | ||
| I just, you gotta wonder, like, at what point is it slavery? | ||
| I wonder which one of these girls would be my prison girlfriend. | ||
| What do you think, Tom? | ||
| That's nuts, dude. | ||
| They're burning an unclaimed body. | ||
| I'd hook up with the glasses. | ||
| I'd hook up with that chick. | ||
| This is probably like people that are border crossing and then wind up dehydrating and dying out there. | ||
| That's gotta be so brutal. | ||
| Through Arizona? | ||
| In the summer? | ||
| You ever go to Phoenix in the summer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, okay. | ||
| 140 degrees. | ||
| 140. Wow. | ||
| That's like the Middle East, dude. | ||
| 140 degrees, and they're working outside, packing weeds. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Get your life. | ||
| Do you think you can get sunblock? | ||
| Can you request that, you think, in jail? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I think for some people, if you were an Irish guy with red hair... | ||
| I mean, I'm really fair. | ||
| I'll burn. | ||
| Excuse me, Sheriff. | ||
| They would catch you talking Spanish, though, and they'd go, fuck that guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that guy, yeah. | |
| He knows how to get tan. | ||
| There's a blonde chick. | ||
| Because you speak fluent Spanish. | ||
| I've seen people talk shit in Spanish around Tommy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And then Tommy will say something in Spanish to them, and they'll go, oh, the white guy knows Spanish. | ||
| The best trick. | ||
| I'm doing a Spanish talk show on Monday. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm doing Noches Complatanito on Monday. | ||
| See, when he starts doing it in real Spanish Spanish, you're like, oh, this is legit Spanish. | ||
| It's scary a little, right? | ||
| It's a little alarming. | ||
| The host is a clown, you know? | ||
| It's like a guy in full clown makeup. | ||
| Are you going to go on as your rapper? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I thought about it. | ||
| I thought about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| What is the rapper's name again? | ||
| DJ Dadmouth. | ||
| And if you haven't seen it, folks, DJ Dadmouth is how Tom gets... | ||
| It's one thing that everybody hates. | ||
| Everybody hates... | ||
| I mean, not everybody, but most comics do not like doing morning TV shows. | ||
| They're probably the most watered down... | ||
| It's like pretending that a glass that's one quarter low-fat milk and three quarters water, that it tastes good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good way of putting it. | |
| That's really good, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's like you can drink it. | ||
| It's not going to give you any pain, but it's not good. | ||
| You're not enjoying it. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a hard gig to have. | ||
| Nachos con platanito. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you are. | |
| That'll be Monday. | ||
| Nachos con... | ||
| What does that mean, Tommy? | ||
| Con platanito. | ||
| Nights with... | ||
| Nights of the plantains? | ||
| No, well, his name, platanito, is like little banana. | ||
| Nights with little banana. | ||
| Man, I wanted you to go on Sabado Domingo, that show. | ||
| Which one's it called? | ||
| No, no, Sabado Gigante. | ||
| That's my jam. | ||
| What's Sabado Gigante? | ||
| Giant Saturday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been on for like 30 years. | ||
| Like 40 years or something, yeah. | ||
| And it's the show, the Latin show. | ||
| And we were in Florida once in Miami in a hotel room. | ||
| He was sick. | ||
| And we were watching just hours of it because it'll have everything. | ||
| I think it ended. | ||
| I think it ended. | ||
| It's like paternity testing. | ||
| And that guy's been the host. | ||
| That's him! | ||
| That guy's been the host forever. | ||
| It's comedy sketches. | ||
| They have paternity testing. | ||
| They have just every... | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| Sluts. | ||
| They've got everything on the show. | ||
| I think you just slut shamed. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You just slut shamed. | ||
| Slut shamed. | ||
| Isn't that funny that that's a real expression now? | ||
| And fat shaming and slut shaming. | ||
| Yeah, scion. | ||
| And pronoun shaming. | ||
| What's your pronoun, Joe? | ||
| I prefer Z. I like Z, H, and two E's. | ||
| That's my pronoun. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| What's your gender? | ||
| I'm sure you saw the His Majesty thing, right? | ||
| You saw that? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Oh, you haven't seen this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| Yes! | ||
| So, University of Michigan, like a lot of universities, is now doing this, you know, like you sign up for class, your professor sends out an email to the entire class, I'm Professor Joe Rogan, my preferred pronouns are he, him, and then this one kid was able to, because you can voluntarily choose your pronoun, he was like, mine is His Majesty. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| What a good kid. | ||
| Work the system. | ||
| His whole thing was to point out the absurdity of it, but then people were like, you're a fucking asshole. | ||
| They're all mad at him now. | ||
| His name is Grant Strobel, chairman of the Young Americans Foundation, used the new policy to update his preferred pronoun to His Majesty. | ||
| How could they be mad at him? | ||
| That is no more ridiculous than H-I-R. Of course. | ||
| There's like 18 different gender pronouns now that have been identified. | ||
| And we also know there's astral gendered, if you're feeling like you're part of the cosmos. | ||
| Aren't you poly? | ||
| I'm poly and bi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You put it on his podcast or his Twitter page. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like Bi Awareness Day. | ||
| And then some guy, a real professor, was tweeting and he retweeted it. | ||
| Something that was so close to parody. | ||
| What the fuck did he say? | ||
| He was just like... | ||
| The wording of it was too absurd to even recall, but it was like, remember when you're... | ||
| Today on Bi Awareness Day, your gender and your... | ||
| To be bi is not to be gender-specific, but your specificity of your gender can also dictate what your sexuality might be. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, something like that. | ||
| Something... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Confusing, yeah. | ||
| And then it was like, happy by awareness. | ||
| You know, I finally used an all-gender restroom in Portland. | ||
| And it was at a gay bar. | ||
| And I got, like, I didn't enjoy it. | ||
| And it's not because of the whole pronoun thing. | ||
| It's because you've got, like, dudes taking gnarly shits next to you. | ||
| And I don't need it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need it. | ||
| Zim's or Zay's. | ||
| I'm poly and bi, and I'm also fluid gender. | ||
| My favorite thing is to be fluid gender, because you can go, mmm, however you're feeling in the moment. | ||
| But people have to know what to call you, so you have to update them on your pronouns constantly. | ||
| We saw this video of this guy who was like, you know you should really respect people's pronouns. | ||
| Which I'm like, okay. | ||
| Then he goes, and if you see somebody and you're not sure, just ask them. | ||
| Be like, hey, what's your pronoun? | ||
| To which I say, no you fucking don't. | ||
| You're not going to just see somebody and be like, hey, I'm just wondering. | ||
| What's his pronoun? | ||
| I think the onus should be on the person. | ||
| Steven Crowder has a fucking hilarious video where he actually does this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, he goes out and asks people what their preferred gender pronouns are, and the looks they give him, like he goes to grown adults and goes up to them on the street and just talks to them and just wonders what their preferred gender pronoun is. | ||
| Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| It's preposterous. | ||
| I can't wait for the backlash just from this. | ||
| What's that video of that guy Dustin? | ||
| Dakota? | ||
| Dakota. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have to show Joe that one. | ||
| Dakota's amazing. | ||
| They sent you the thing, yeah. | ||
| Dakota's incredible. | ||
| You gotta see this Zimzer. | ||
| Zimzer? | ||
| Zimzerze. | ||
| Oh, for the different gender pronouns? | ||
| Why is it so hard? | ||
| Why can't you just do what they ask? | ||
| My pronouns are not preferred. | ||
| See, and the thing is, I feel like there's enough people going, okay, really, that it's kind of a legitimate thing to not be 100% on board with this, you know? | ||
| Because I feel a little like, oh, am I on the wrong end of history? | ||
| Pronouns are not preferred. | ||
| Ask a gender terrorist. | ||
| There he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey y'all, it's Dakota, and this is the newest video on my Ask a Gender Terrorist playlist on my channel. | |
| Are we allowed to play this without... | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| Oh, you can't just play it? | ||
| Well, we're not showing it on YouTube, are we? | ||
| I have it, like, picture in picture, but I'll take it off. | ||
| Yeah, take it off. | ||
| I don't, it's, this dude's stuff. | ||
| This is not a dude. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Yeah, it's not. | ||
| It's got a beard. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It doesn't have a preferred gender pronoun? | ||
| Well, that's what we're going to get to. | ||
| So that's the thing now, right? | ||
| You can kind of be whatever you want to be. | ||
| Yeah, which is fine, I guess. | ||
| I just think it's funny that some people are saying that you should see this individual and lead with... | ||
| It's almost like it's rude for you to assume, which I think is absurd that it's rude to assume. | ||
| If you're going to dictate a different pronoun, I think that should be on you. | ||
| It should be on a status, like you should just show people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people do have these little stickers that they put on, my preferred gender pronoun is. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Well, there's a Radiolab, and this is one of my all-time favorite ones. | ||
| There's a Radiolab podcast, and they take it so seriously because it's Radiolab. | ||
| And there's a guy on it who's clearly out of his fucking mind, and he goes back and forth between male and female. | ||
| During the podcast? | ||
| He switches while he's talking to you. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| He goes, I just switched. | ||
| I just switched. | ||
| I'm the man now. | ||
| And you're like, well, okay, when do you get to be a dragon? | ||
| When do you get to read minds? | ||
| When do you get to tell the future? | ||
| Then we're supposed to respect this? | ||
| You have to, because it has to do with gender. | ||
| So if this guy was telling you about his past lives as a Roman gladiator, or if he was telling you about the future when the starships land, you would think that he's a crazy person, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it right now. | ||
| But when you talk about gender, as soon as you start talking about gender... | ||
| You're supposed to give people the benefit of all doubt. | ||
| Even if you think you're switching gender back and forth as you're talking. | ||
| The idea that your gender is like some sort of a seesaw. | ||
| You're on the precipice. | ||
| And you can just go left or right and left or right. | ||
| It is you close-minded asshole. | ||
| You just decide. | ||
| You don't understand, Joe. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Aren't we different a lot of the time? | ||
| Yes, I agree. | ||
| And why can't that difference be expressed in gender? | ||
| Like you the other day when you were cranky because you didn't get your sugar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You decide. | ||
| You have a different personality trait. | ||
| You fell into this bitchy sort of thing, right? | ||
| But doesn't that feeling... | ||
| Wait a minute, that's sexist and... | ||
| I think I need to fire a joint up. | ||
| Gender-phobic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm getting nervous. | |
| I'm looking forward to ignoring so many emails that are going to come into my inbox about this conversation. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| But people get mad. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| They're going to get so mad. | ||
| My point is, like, we've talked about this. | ||
| Like, if you're feeling particularly lovey-dovey, right? | ||
| You're petting kittens and you're putting your daughter's hair in ponytails. | ||
| It's a more feminine feeling. | ||
| So did you switch genders at that moment? | ||
| No. | ||
| Specifically, this guy wanted to go back and forth to being recognized as a man and then recognized as a woman. | ||
| In the middle of the conversation. | ||
| And then as he goes back and forth, he becomes a totally different person. | ||
| Like he's not going to tolerate any bullshit. | ||
| I think he was in the military, too. | ||
| There was a lot of weirdness to the story. | ||
| And he's under the care of a psychiatrist, though, right? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He's out wandering around getting government grants. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea what he's doing. | ||
| I just, you never go, like, if someone goes back and forth and pretends to be Hungarian, like, I'm Hungarian, now I'm from Ireland. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, but I feel today, now I'm Hungarian again. | ||
| Right, I'm identifying that way. | ||
| But that's fine. | ||
| Like, here's the thing, if you want to identify throughout the day, sometimes I am more masculine. | ||
| When I'm at the comedy store performing, I am I'm very alpha male. | ||
| It's macho. | ||
| But do I have to demand that people know what to call me at every given moment? | ||
| That's a little unrealistic. | ||
| Well, it's a new thing. | ||
| It's so presumptuous and narcissistic that you should know what to call me all the time. | ||
| Does this person at least say, like right now, address me as her? | ||
| Yeah, he has like two different names. | ||
| And he just snaps in and out of them. | ||
| I might be misgendering or not, depending on how he or she hears this at the moment. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| If you're in a conversation with that person, would you feel like that's something that you'd be like, oh, okay, I'll respect your wishes. | ||
| Blah! | ||
| I'm not changing your gender. | ||
| You gotta pick one. | ||
| If you say girl, okay, you're a girl. | ||
| I'm cool with that. | ||
| I don't have any problem with that. | ||
| But you can't go back and forth. | ||
| Okay, or I can't talk to you. | ||
| It's too much work. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| I think that's the whole thing. | ||
| It's too much fucking work. | ||
| And if you're an adult that's got a full life, how the fuck... | ||
| You have room in your head for the Zimzer Zs every second changing. | ||
| Well, not only that, that's somebody else's issue, right? | ||
| What about yourself? | ||
| You know, I don't have any room to communicate with you because you're concentrating on yourself so much. | ||
| You want people to change how they address you. | ||
| How about just, can you just change how you feel occasionally and not have a new fucking name? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Three o'clock in the afternoon? | ||
| Now I'm Bob. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Why do we have to label it every moment of every day? | ||
| Well, it's a super self-indulgent thing. | ||
| And that's what you're getting out of this. | ||
| And that's what, like, the people that are, you know, they're being labeled as insensitive. | ||
| Like, that's kind of the point. | ||
| The point is, like, yeah, you're supposed to be insensitive of nonsense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this deserves a fair amount of mockery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really does. | |
| I agree. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A fair amount. | |
| But we're afraid to, in part, because we're going to get shamed on Twitter, people are going to call us phobic of this and that, even if you say something remotely unpolitically correct or whatever. | ||
| Look, there's a bunch of people out there that are just not happy. | ||
| And they might not be happy with their gender, they might not be happy with the way they look, they might not be happy with how old they are, they might not be happy with a bunch of different things. | ||
| But we have, like, rules... | ||
| As far as what you can change and what you can't change. | ||
| And we're allowing people now, this is like a really recent thing, to just decide to change your gender. | ||
| Which doesn't affect me. | ||
| I want people to have freedom. | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| But what is this? | ||
| There's an addendum to the Radiolab story. | ||
| She made them edit out the references to her actually changing her identity, I guess. | ||
| She stopped switching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| After all this? | ||
| It says right here, she no longer flips. | ||
| She no longer flips. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| She now remains comfortable as a queer trans woman. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| A gay? | ||
| Queer is not gay, though. | ||
| It's not? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, I thought it meant that... | ||
| Queer is, like, weird. | ||
| Like, you can do both. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| What is queer? | ||
| I thought queer was gay. | ||
| No, gay is gay. | ||
| Queer is not gay. | ||
| Queer is, like, non-defined. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, a non-defined trans... | ||
| That's Tom's domain. | ||
| Tom, can you explain this? | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Break it down for us, please. | |
| Well, you guys, you fall on the binary spectrum. | ||
| We're cisgendered, privileged. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| She had a queer feeling. | ||
| Nope, that's not it. | ||
| A homosexual. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| See, they're using it different now. | ||
| See, it used to be homosexual, but it's not just homosexual anymore. | ||
| Okay, terms and definitions, LBGT, right there. | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| LGBTQ now. | ||
| Oh, no, there's an I and an A in there, too. | ||
| Look at that, see? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Make that larger circle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer. | |
| Yeah, but look at above. | ||
| Go above to the top. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LGBTQA. What is TBLG? Queer or asexual is the key. | |
| Or questioning. | ||
| And asexual. | ||
| But there's intersexual too. | ||
| There's I. Some people choose I. Wait, what's I? What does that mean? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's get to Q. Queer. | ||
| Intersex, says Jamie. | ||
| An umbrella term used by LGBTQA people to revert to the entire LGBT community. | ||
| An alternative that some people use to queer is the idea that labels and categories such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc. similar to the concept of genderqueer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Genderqueer. | ||
| Genderqueer is different. | ||
| What's genderqueer? | ||
| I think that'd be like me, like non-binary, where I don't fall under the spectrum of male or female. | ||
| Genderqueer is a term which refers to individuals or groups who are queer or problematized. | ||
| What? | ||
| You're making up fake words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hegemonic. | |
| Hegemonic notions of sex, gender, and desire in a given society. | ||
| Genderqueer people possess identities which fall outside of the widely accepted sexual binary. | ||
| You're non-binary, are you? | ||
| You're genderqueer, bro. | ||
| You're genderqueer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I knew it. | |
| Genderqueer may also refer to people who identify as both transgendered and queer, i.e. | ||
| individuals who... | ||
| This is a lot of work, man. | ||
| It's a lot of work. | ||
| This is what you do when you don't chop firewood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is what you do when it's too fucking easy to get water. | |
| It's too easy. | ||
| Just get bottled water. | ||
| It's too easy. | ||
| Society, we have to invent all these things now. | ||
| What happened to just being yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it! | |
| Why does everybody have to be defined? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why do we have to check each other to make sure that everyone's on the same fucking agenda? | ||
| Do you know how much I'm dreading my son, our son, sorry, going to school? | ||
| Do you know that there are schools that don't have grades? | ||
| First grade, second grade, third grade, so that the kids don't feel bad? | ||
| There's no hierarchy? | ||
| Group one, group two, group three, shit like that. | ||
| These soft people are trying to eliminate all forms of competition and scrutiny, and they're calling any criticism of you at all bullying. | ||
| Anything is bullying. | ||
| It's all bullying. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of peewee leagues with no score, no winner. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| That is really weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| I think losses really help you as a kid. | ||
| I think shame helps you, loss, anxiety, fear. | ||
| Those were all my primary motivations as a young woman, and it carried me very far. | ||
| I'm not a fucking loser because of these things. | ||
| I'm sure the people that do it, that do mean shit or say mean shit to kids, they realize after they do it how shitty it feels. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a learning experience even for them. | ||
| They should absolutely be corrected. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This idea that somehow or another you're going to wipe all that stuff out, that's a part of being a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's a weird part of being a person. | ||
| People like the fact that they can affect people by saying shit, you know? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, the idea that we're going to sanitize out everything so that your kids will never have to feel a bad feeling ever again, knowing everything's going to be perfect, right? | ||
| And we're going to make a whole new bathroom. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're going to make an asexual bathroom. | ||
| Because some people just, they're not sure. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| People are just going to start shitting outside. | ||
| They're just going to... | ||
| I can't wait for that. | ||
| Oh, what is this one? | ||
| Half a skirt? | ||
| Is this new? | ||
| Oh my god, is that new? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| That's a college. | ||
| That's where your tax dollars are going. | ||
| It's a high school somewhere? | ||
| That's what it says, yeah. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| How many people... | ||
| How big of an issue is this? | ||
| You know, because there's people that have all sorts of very strange identity disorders. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's a guy in England that thinks he's a six-year-old girl, and he identifies a six-year-old girl, and he wears pigtails, the whole deal, and he sits down with his kids and his own parents. | ||
| He has kids? | ||
| Yeah, he has kids. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he identifies as being a six-year-old girl, and hey, we have to accept this. | ||
| As long as you change gender, there you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| He's with his family. | ||
| As long as you change gender, everybody's cool with it. | ||
| Meet the 52-year-old father. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, if he thought he was 13, he tried fucking 13-year-olds, but I'm 13, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Is that the whole, maybe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I will say. | |
| Everybody would go, no, you're out of your mind, dude. | ||
| She is gorgeous. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's living as a six-year-old girl. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Abandons wife and kid? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good. | ||
| But let's be thankful for that. | ||
| Oh, and seven kids. | ||
| He has seven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, jeez. | |
| Yeah, but do you want this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven kids. | |
| Do you want her to be a daddy? | ||
| Well, it's too late. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's already a daddy. | ||
| The kids are better off with owner. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| So he was living as an adult. | ||
| He has a family, the whole deal, and then just decides... | ||
| That he's not just a woman, but he's a small, young, six-year-old girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's something else going on. | ||
| Again, psychiatrists need to get involved. | ||
| Let's give us a little volume on this young Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...web series, and as well the TV show, Am I a Boy or a Girl? | |
| Am I a Boy or a Girl? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did you decide to go so public with your story? | |
| I paid a pretty heavy price for transitioning, and so at a certain point... | ||
| He has to act like it's normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've already lost everything and everything has happened. | |
| I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna show other people that it's okay to be... | ||
| She looks like most middle-aged women in Wisconsin, I feel like. | ||
| Like my friends' moms when I was a kid in Milwaukee. | ||
| They all look like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're all transgendered six-year-olds. | |
| I'm torn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| About what? | ||
| Because I don't give a shit if he wants to be a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I just can't... | ||
| There's a line that's being pushed by these fucks. | ||
| They keep going further and further and they keep taking advantage of your acceptance. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they want nonsense to get through. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fucking nonsense. | ||
| This is a person who just wants nonsense. | ||
| The world didn't work out for them. | ||
| The regular world of having a short haircut and wearing t-shirts, they're like, no, I'm going to wear little girls' dresses. | ||
| I'm going to be a six-year-old. | ||
| Hey, how about fuck you? | ||
| How about fuck you, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enough. | |
| Now, here's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Conformity is not so bad. | |
| Don't you feel like 20 years ago, maybe even less, the answer to like, I'm a six-year-old, everyone would be like, hey, go fuck yourself. | ||
| Because all these shut-ins are all online, and they're all gang-ins. | ||
| They're ganging up and attacking universities and attacking anybody who sees anything any differently. | ||
| This is not acceptance, folks. | ||
| Acceptance is 100% fine. | ||
| You should be able to do whatever you want. | ||
| But you want to pretend that's not crazy. | ||
| We got a problem. | ||
| If you're a 52-year-old man, you pretend to be a 6-year-old boy. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| If you're a 52-year-old man, you want to be a six-year-old girl, you're still out of your fucking mind. | ||
| You've been alive for 52 years. | ||
| We're supposed to pretend that your life experience is nothing because you enjoyed that stage of life? | ||
| You're given so much credibility to this idea. | ||
| I feel like this is because of the gender switch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| 100%. | ||
| You can't say shit. | ||
| Especially if you're like me. | ||
| If you're a man and a meathead like me, you're like, oh, this fucking asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Insensitive asshole. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| But for the record, I'm a woman, and I think this is complete horseshit, too. | ||
| It's 100% horseshit. | ||
| And also, there's something good about the conformity of the 1950s and before, because I feel like... | ||
| Of course. | ||
| No, I'm telling you, that was a time when you couldn't... | ||
| He's got fucking seven kids, bro. | ||
| Seven kids. | ||
| Don't you think that outweighs your duty to your family, outweighs your need to be a six-year-old girl? | ||
| It's why you're drawn to... | ||
| I'm drawn to it, too. | ||
| The people that are really direct, like no bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, old school. | |
| Like Dan Pena. | ||
| Military dudes. | ||
| The business coach. | ||
| Oh, the $50 billion man? | ||
| No. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| You would love this guy, dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You would love him. | ||
| I thought you were going to say Joey Diaz. | ||
| Well, he's in no-nonsense. | ||
| If you look up Dan Pena, this is why you're poor. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| And you scroll to a minute 40. That guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Just fucking do what he says. | ||
| He's so direct and it's so funny. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit, though. | ||
| He's almost dead. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Donald Trump's gonna rock the planet? | ||
| He's a Trump supporter? | ||
| Yeah, he's out of his mind. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| But they're friends, I think. | ||
| Yeah, he knows them. | ||
| I don't think we could play his stuff without getting sued, Jamie. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He hears audio? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think so. | ||
| No? | ||
| Yeah, I highly doubt he'll let you play his stuff without... | ||
| He'll yank you offline. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| We played him a bunch. | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna find you. | ||
| Think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't say that. | |
| It's a matter of time. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just think this is his property. | ||
| Like his lectures and all his stuff. | ||
| This is where fair use argument comes in. | ||
| Yeah, that fair use argument is not, it's a weird argument. | ||
| We play shit all the time and talk about it and it gets jacked. | ||
| Did you see the guy in the video today? | ||
| The guy who got attacked by a grizzly bear? | ||
| Yeah, we were just talking about that. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Hunting elk, right? | ||
| No, he wasn't even hunting. | ||
| He was scouting. | ||
| Scouting elk. | ||
| He was scouting for an upcoming client, and he came across a mama bear and her cubs. | ||
| That's what's up. | ||
| Yeah, and he even sprayed it with bear spray. | ||
| He said dead on 25 yards, like unloaded, and the bear just ran right through it. | ||
| Well, she had her babies. | ||
| That's what the mama bear does. | ||
| You don't, I mean, you don't... | ||
| You don't know what they're gonna do until they do it. | ||
| That bear spray might work sometimes, but it didn't work this time. | ||
| That guy got mauled. | ||
| His face got fucked, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, look, it's hard to tell here, but his skin is hanging off of his head, above his ear. | ||
| And the bear bit through his arm, too. | ||
| His name's Todd Orr. | ||
| He's lucky he got away. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| His arm's broken. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| My asshole just twitched. | ||
| You can't imagine a fucking bear. | ||
| A female grizzly bear. | ||
| Protecting her cubs? | ||
| Look how tough this guy is. | ||
| Hold on, back that up for a second there. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Legs are good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Internal organs are good. | |
| Eyes are good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just walked out three miles. | |
| Now you go to the hospital. | ||
| Yeah, but he stopped to make a video. | ||
| So listen to that pragmatic way of looking at it. | ||
| Legs are good. | ||
| Eyes are good. | ||
| Internal organs are good. | ||
| Like that is the fear. | ||
| Like that guy just came in contact with a real live monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A fucking grizzly bear. | ||
| Twice. | ||
| Twice. | ||
| In a day. | ||
| A real live monster. | ||
| Then, after that three-mile hike, got in his truck and drove 20 miles to a hospital. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Probably so happy just he's alive. | ||
| Did you see the photos? | ||
| The scar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah, the photos are massive. | ||
| That head scar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really, really big, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder if that was a claw. | ||
| It was probably a claw. | ||
| Now, sorry, so he's scouting for elk. | ||
| So this is like a public... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Where do people hunt? | ||
| Some kind of a hunting area? | ||
| Yeah, he could be on private land, but most likely he's on public land. | ||
| And, you know, they have... | ||
| I don't believe Montana has a grizzly bear season, but they do have grizzly bears. | ||
| So he just came over a ridge, right? | ||
| Wasn't he? | ||
| He just walked over and then... | ||
| Yeah, I think the only place you can hunt grizzly bears in North America is Alaska. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I think there's grizzly bears in Alaska, and then I don't think you even hunt grizzly bears in Canada. | ||
| Can you imagine the diarrhea? | ||
| Oh no, you do hunt them in Canada. | ||
| They hunt them in British Columbia. | ||
| What am I talking about? | ||
| When you walk over and then 80 yards, there's a bear that just sees you and is like... | ||
| And you're like, oh god. | ||
| And then you just... | ||
| He knows if you're around bears, you can't book it. | ||
| You're not going to run. | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
| He sprayed it. | ||
| We know that. | ||
| Yeah, that's one photo of his arm. | ||
| Check out the other ones, Jamie. | ||
| It's one of his head. | ||
| It's hard to pull him up because I'm not logged into Facebook. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Just see if you can find it outside of... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
| My buddy Adam Greentree, who was on the podcast last week, he's a bowhunter. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at his head. | ||
| Look at the giant scar that goes from his temple. | ||
| First of all, if you wanted a scar on the back of your head, that's the spot. | ||
| It doesn't rip his ear off. | ||
| He's got a nice line on his head, but it seems like it'll stitch back together. | ||
| As long as he doesn't have an infection from the bear bite. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| Guy's got a good story, too, for a while now. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| One bite on my forearm went through to the bone, and I heard a crunch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hoo! | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| You just think you're dead, right? | ||
| You're like, this is it. | ||
| This guy's really good about social media. | ||
| He's like, hey, everyone. | ||
| I gotta tell you this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| He did a video. | ||
| He did a couple posts. | ||
| He already Facebooked this shit. | ||
| Well, this guy's a hunting guide. | ||
| Do you know how, like, in tune with the wilderness this guy must be? | ||
| It just happened. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Montana is the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's beautiful. | |
| That's the woods, man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's beautiful, but, I mean, it is a wild state. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a lot of grizzly bears here, man. | ||
| A lot of free-roaming animals everywhere, right? | ||
| We went there this summer. | ||
| We went to Bozeman, and we drove down this road, and we pulled over. | ||
| We saw 100 elk just sitting in this field, right off the side of the road. | ||
| We're like, this is crazy! | ||
| You just get out of the car and look at them. | ||
| It's so beautiful. | ||
| A hunting trip? | ||
| No, with my family. | ||
| We did the Yellowstone thing. | ||
| But just looking out and looking at all these animals, like, whoa! | ||
| And apparently, well, we saw grizzlies there, but we saw them in a grizzly sanctuary. | ||
| But apparently, people just run into them all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could fuck up like this guy and just accidentally be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the female has her cubs. | ||
| I remember going there once and having a guide tell us, you know, if you run into a bear and do these things, and the whole time your brain's like, you're just gonna die. | ||
| He's like, you know, cover your ears and crouch, but play limp, don't fight back, don't run. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| How do you do that? | ||
| And this guy actually did it, which is the crazy part. | ||
| Yeah, he really did it. | ||
| And he played dead on that second one, he said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just went limp. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Imagine going limp while that thing is biting you. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| So scary. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| It's such a terrifying... | ||
| It's crazy that it's a real thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That there's a real animal that's 11 feet tall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So crazy. | |
| And it weighs a thousand pounds. | ||
| So my friend Adam, he went on an elk hunt by himself in Montana. | ||
| He was in Montana. | ||
| Shot an elk, and he has to pack it off the mountain. | ||
| He's like 14 miles in, so he's got to pack this... | ||
| 1,000 pound animal. | ||
| He's gonna do it in, you know, 150, 200 pound chunks. | ||
| And each one of them is gonna take a day. | ||
| So he's doing it essentially four days of just packing out meat. | ||
| So the first day when he goes back, a grizzly was sleeping on the carcass. | ||
| A giant grizzly bear, 11 foot grizzly bear, sleeping on the dead elk. | ||
| He has to chase it off and scare it. | ||
| He has to yell at it to try to get it out of there. | ||
| He has a pistol with him. | ||
| By himself. | ||
| I don't think I would have taken that route. | ||
| By himself. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's nuts. | ||
| No. | ||
| He can have the elk, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The bear ran off. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Is that the approach you would have done without knowing this? | ||
| Fuck, man, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, they say you're supposed to do that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They say you're supposed to yell if you wanted to leave, but you might want to just give it the meat. | ||
| Yeah, get the fuck out of there. | ||
| Just get the fuck out of there. | ||
| That's not your elk anymore, dude. | ||
| He didn't want to do that because he worked hard for that elk and he shot it. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's a tough fucking call. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| I wouldn't want to be the one to make it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| No. | ||
| See, as one hand, you would say, well, look, the bad news is I don't get the meat. | ||
| The good news is the grizzly bear gets to eat because I really like bears. | ||
| I had a teddy bear when I was a kid. | ||
| That's my friend Cameron Haynes. | ||
| That's one that he killed in Alaska. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Wait, is he the guy that also does those crazy marathon runs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He ran 200 miles this summer. | ||
| In a day? | ||
| 78 hours. | ||
| He slept three hours in three days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How does your system keep going? | ||
| Well, you have to build up to it. | ||
| He was running a half a marathon a day. | ||
| Every day he was running 13 miles. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| And then he ran 100 miles in June to prepare for the 205 miles in August. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| I mean, there's the mental part, which is its own thing, but then physically, doesn't that just... | ||
| He looks tired there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does look tired. | |
| Well, he didn't just do it. | ||
| He's kind of crazy. | ||
| I mean, he's a good friend of mine. | ||
| I love him to death, but he's crazy. | ||
| And this is one of the things he did. | ||
| He lost a ton of weight. | ||
| He went from 180 pounds down to below 160 just by starving himself. | ||
| So he had his body eat itself. | ||
| So... | ||
| Because he was already lean. | ||
| He didn't have any fat to lose. | ||
| So the only way for him to lose weight is burn 3,000 calories, eat 2,000. | ||
| So he did that for months until his body shriveled away down to, I think he got under 160 before the race. | ||
| So that he could do this? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Like, the other day, he put a picture on his Instagram. | ||
| He weighed 158. When I met him, he weighed 180, and he was built. | ||
| Like, he lifted weights. | ||
| But he did one of these at 180, and it was too hard. | ||
| So he decided to lose the weight. | ||
| So that's how he... | ||
| Like, you know what kind of discipline you have to have to just make your body eat itself? | ||
| Like, you don't even have any fat. | ||
| Even at sub-160, to run that that much, like, to your knees, your joints, it's got to be brutal, right? | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Well, that's... | ||
| What he said, he said it was really like, you could do performance enhancing drugs, but it's really not necessarily going to help you. | ||
| They're not going to help you not feel pain or be able to be tough. | ||
| A lot of it is just being tough. | ||
| Yeah, he's a tough son of a bitch, man. | ||
| Yeah, he likes the suffering. | ||
| Yeah, he's a maniac. | ||
| He's got issues. | ||
| But he's also one of the most successful bow hunters ever. | ||
| Bow hunting is the hardest thing in the world to do when it comes to acquisition of meat. | ||
| There's no harder way to... | ||
| What state does he live in? | ||
| Oregon. | ||
| There's no harder way to get an animal than with a bow and arrow. | ||
| Because you have to get within a certain distance. | ||
| You have to practice every day. | ||
| And he hasn't had an unsuccessful bow hunt since 2009. And he goes every year and he kills multiple elk every year. | ||
| That's unheard of. | ||
| Nobody does that. | ||
| Everybody has dud trips. | ||
| You go and you're struck out. | ||
| You just don't see the right animals. | ||
| That's what he's designed for. | ||
| That's what he does. | ||
| And he just excels at it. | ||
| And if he doesn't find something, he just runs 100 miles to the next spot. | ||
| I've hunted with him, and the thing that's crazy is how he doesn't get tired. | ||
| I'm in pretty good shape, but I follow him up the hills. | ||
| I'm like, fuck! | ||
| Some people are wired. | ||
| His sister Maria has a similar level of lunacy. | ||
| Does she do marathons and shit? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| She's done half triathlons. | ||
| She did 5.8 miles the day before she gave birth to one of her kids. | ||
| And her uterus was falling out of her vagina from doing all that. | ||
| And the doctor said, you've got to stop. | ||
| The doctor said, you need a nice cyst in there to tighten things up. | ||
| Tighten it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A nice watermelon-sized cyst. | |
| A nice little cyst in there. | ||
| No, but she's one of those people that is always like, what do you want to do? | ||
| Always going. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| She's really athletic. | ||
| She was in the Navy and she beat out all the guys doing push-ups, right? | ||
| She did the whole, they have a PT test. | ||
| She beat all the women and all but one guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| She's an animal. | ||
| Animal. | ||
| Just like her brother. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Hardcore guy. | ||
| Just like her brother. | ||
| Did she do those tough mudders? | ||
| Those are the weirdest ones. | ||
| She's done a mouthful of mud. | ||
| People get sick as fuck. | ||
| They get horrible diarrhea. | ||
| Because, for real. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I don't know what this is. | ||
| Tough mudders, they're these crazy races where you have to go through, you're literally running a lot of it through mud. | ||
| You're climbing through things. | ||
| The people that get out of them, they're totally covered with mud. | ||
| But the problem with that is mud is water, and still water is super bad in a jest. | ||
| So these people get that mud in their mouth, and they get the pathogens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| And they just get a broken fire hydrant for an asshole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just blah! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where your body's like, we're just going to clean this whole machinery out. | ||
| It's like spring cleaning with a carpet cleaner. | ||
| It does look fun. | ||
| Like the... | ||
| I think the running and... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, this is the mud stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Oh, these people are fucking maniacs. | ||
| Has nobody told them this diarrhea thing? | ||
| Well, they learn. | ||
| They learn. | ||
| I mean, some people are just really into it and they keep their mouth shut. | ||
| They know how to do it. | ||
| Or keep their mouth closed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they don't breathe it in. | ||
| But when you see them running through it, it's like... | ||
| Like they have all the... | ||
| What do you... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is just people waiting, dude. | ||
| I don't think this is an actual... | ||
| This is just people walking. | ||
| There's some where you see them running and doing all this stuff. | ||
| This is just a bunch of people walking through a swamp. | ||
| Get your life. | ||
| But if you do that crawl... | ||
| Sometimes you have to crawl under stuff, too, I guess. | ||
| That's when you can get it in your mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so stupid. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the kind of things people do when it's too easy to get food. | |
| That's what's up. | ||
| Go to Africa. | ||
| It's the same exact thing as the Z, Zer, He, Her, Him, Ha. | ||
| 18 gender pronouns. | ||
| They're not doing this in Somalia. | ||
| I guarantee. | ||
| There's no fucking mud races. | ||
| You guys are so gender-phobic. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| See how they're climbing out of this? | ||
| Oh, I've seen this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fucking maniacs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Wading through this shit. | ||
| How far are most of these? | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| A tough couple miles? | ||
| Some of them are about a mile in between some of these obstacles, so it's like six, seven miles. | ||
| Six, seven miles? | ||
| All right. | ||
| They're literally, they made mud for them to play in like they're three. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm going to challenge myself. | ||
| But this is a setup. | ||
| They make all this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is so goofy. | ||
| Sorry, folks, if you're listening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, I was a fan. | |
| Until you came to shit on Tough Mudders. | ||
| Hey, why don't you try it, pussy? | ||
| Maybe I don't want fucking pathogens. | ||
| I'm not into Jardia. | ||
| I'm not into taking that muskrat shit in my mouth. | ||
| This is a real hate mail episode. | ||
| We always bring the hate, though. | ||
| A lot of gender stuff this time. | ||
| You know what, though? | ||
| Not real gender stuff, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| The fake stuff. | ||
| No, not the legit people that are like, dude, I'm a man trapped in a woman's butt. | ||
| That I do believe, obviously. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, just keep to yourself. | ||
| Keep your weird shit to yourself. | ||
| Dude, suppress that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Suppress it. | |
| Suppress it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Suppression's good. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm telling you, the 1950s, not all bad. | ||
| No, but you know, there was transgender people in the turn of the century. | ||
| The turn of the 20th century. | ||
| There's a lot of photos of transgender people from back then. | ||
| It's always been a thing. | ||
| I used to see them more in Hollywood when I lived there about 15 years ago. | ||
| I just don't buy the going back and forth. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah, I don't. | ||
| I don't think most people do. | ||
| I think it's an attention-seeking something else that's going on there. | ||
| I think not all your feelings should be acknowledged. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| That's important. | ||
| The guy wants to be the six-year-old girl. | ||
| I mean, they have all these specials on him. | ||
| He's 57 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| They don't have specials on him because it's an extraordinary story. | ||
| They have specials on him because you know it's ridiculous and you're going to watch it. | ||
| And it's funny. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You can't go back in time. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You lived a long time. | ||
| You have to be responsible. | ||
| They have a special on him, the same reason they have a special on a lady who doesn't cut her toenails. | ||
| She's like, these are my special nails. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| I don't wear shoes and I can't get a job. | ||
| Right, and they can never get a job. | ||
| That's the downer. | ||
| None of these people are employable. | ||
| That is the one common denominator. | ||
| What do you do for a living? | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Wait, and that's discrimination, by the way. | ||
| You're discriminating against her. | ||
| Guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I've heard people discuss the merits of the sacred argument where you're not allowed to cut your hair because of your religion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I'm like, well, listen, at the end of the day, it's just your fucking hair. | ||
| And if your religion is about cutting your hair or not cutting your hair, I'm sorry, but it might be bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you can't just say, hey, my hair's getting in the way, I'm just going to cut it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, you know. | ||
| Who says that? | ||
| Who says you can't? | ||
| I know what you're talking about, too. | ||
| Your Dali Swami guy? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| We have two guys. | ||
| Who tells you you can't do it? | ||
| Is it written somewhere? | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| You can't just cut your hair and be the same guy? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| No, this is sacred. | ||
| Right. | ||
| God's going to punish you if you eat meat on Friday. | ||
| The older you get, the more absurd the religious customs and... | ||
| Yarmulke, say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say it. | |
| All the principles. | ||
| Take the fucking hat off. | ||
| You're inside. | ||
| The meat eating and the... | ||
| The rituals. | ||
| I wash stuff over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The kosher. | |
| We have a kosher kitchen in our rental house, not our forever house. | ||
| Yeah, because we bought it from a couple of... | ||
| Juice! | ||
| Oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Yeah, it's all... | ||
| But I like the kosher kitchen. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I support fully that if you don't want to ever cut your hair again, you should be able to not cut your hair again. | ||
| If you want to grow your hair crazy long and grow your beard crazy long, my problem is if you think a deity wants you to do that, if you think that there's some mystical God, if you just say, you know what, dude, I just like it getting crazy. | ||
| I want crazy beard. | ||
| I want crazy asshole hair. | ||
| I just like being hairy, man. | ||
| I like the feeling. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| Nobody fucks with Rick Rubin, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| Rick Rubin just lets it all go. | ||
| Let's it all go. | ||
| The hair on top is all fucked up. | ||
| The beard's all fucked up. | ||
| Fur jackets. | ||
| Driving around with a Rolls Royce. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| That is the move. | ||
| It's a genius. | ||
| The crazier you look and then you have like a fucking $300,000 car. | ||
| This guy's rad. | ||
| And he's a handsome fellow underneath all that shit. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| I mean, he just decides. | ||
| Like, that's his look. | ||
| Just fucking full-on crazy hair. | ||
| Tom, you're not so far. | ||
| I feel like you're almost there. | ||
| You could let that go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why don't you see if, I think, though, as a comic, you're better off without that kind of, like, presence. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Because then you're married to that look, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, what's that guy's name? | ||
| He's at the store, though, sometimes. | ||
| He has quite a look. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about. | ||
| He was a cab driver. | ||
| He holds his coat over his arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Argus? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| And he's got all the notes. | ||
| Sam Tripoli? | ||
| Jay London? | ||
| Jay London. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesse! | |
| Jay's got a look. | ||
| That's a look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a look. | |
| That's just Jay, though. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's who he is. | |
| That is who he is. | ||
| But I'm saying, like, that's just a look. | ||
| See, he did a picture of Rick Rubin in a Rolls Royce. | ||
| Because I've seen several. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just funny about a guy who looks like a homeless guy or a crazy L.A. street guy. | ||
| That's my favorite and they're just gazillionaires and you never know it. | ||
| In L.A., anybody that walks into a store or restaurant that looks fucking homeless could be worth like $500 million. | ||
| I think Sikhs aren't allowed to cut their hair. | ||
| That's what they're called. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Remarkably cool people. | ||
| I've met a lot of them, especially in Toronto. | ||
| There's a big Sikh population in Toronto. | ||
| Some of the nicest, coolest people, but they just have that thing. | ||
| So here are two things. | ||
| You could say, well, yeah, I mean, he believes that a deity wants him to do... | ||
| But another thing you would say, well, maybe it identifies you with this group of people and you feel like outsiders and you feel like if you grow your hair and wear it wrapped up like that... | ||
| Like, you feel like you fit in with that group. | ||
| With your group. | ||
| I mean, I grew up in L.A. with a bunch of Sikh kids, and we just made fun of them, you know? | ||
| You would just call them onion heads or whatever, and it was fucked up for them, is what I'm saying, because then you get singled out and fucked with. | ||
| By your white privilege? | ||
| And I'm sure God doesn't want you to, you know, get teased relentlessly. | ||
| That's your point? | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| You think God wants you to be bullied? | ||
| That's not a loving God. | ||
| The white and Jewish men that run rap. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| They're one major record companies. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's dressed like a dude who lives in Seattle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there he is. | |
| That's with Jay-Z. I like them. | ||
| Yeah, he's rad, dude. | ||
| What's in his hand? | ||
| It looks like a prayer rope. | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| He's meditating. | ||
| That's a very weird look. | ||
| Those prayer beads in front of a private jet with Jay-Z. Jay-Z's got a $25,000 suit on. | ||
| Who is that with a seal? | ||
| Seal. | ||
| What happened to that dude? | ||
| Well, funny you should ask. | ||
| Remember when he sang recently in public for the first time in like a million years? | ||
| And it was really bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| No, it wasn't the first time in a million years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| He was, I'm never gonna survive. | ||
| I know, but it wasn't the first time in a million years. | ||
| In like a zillion years. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He just sang, he sang in the Super Bowl pregame show. | ||
| That's what I was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't good? | |
| No, it was terrible. | ||
| But he's been, he never like went away. | ||
| I thought he left the game. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| The games. | ||
| He's banging, what's her name? | ||
| They're divorced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for baby. | |
| All your facts on this are not right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, the guy, I don't know shit about celebrities. | |
| Come on. | ||
| But it was a terrible performance. | ||
| Do you know how certain songs or certain musicians bring you back to a time in your life? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| With Seal, it was the first time I ever bought a stereo. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| My first stereo I had to buy, and I was dating this girl who was really into music, and she told me, you have to get this Seal album. | ||
| I was like, really? | ||
| She's like, seriously? | ||
| Yeah, and I had it set up. | ||
| I bought an actual stereo for the first time in my life, and I had one big speaker to the... | ||
| I had speakers that were on stands that got off the floor, those big things. | ||
| Oh, those are great! | ||
| I didn't even have a couch yet, and I had this stereo that sounded really good, and I played the CD. I set it all up myself. | ||
| I put the wires in the right holes and Pinched them down with little things. | ||
| And then I played that CD where you have one big speaker over here and one over there. | ||
| And you could hear the sound moving around back and forth. | ||
| And I really appreciated what he was doing. | ||
| I'd never heard it before in anything but shitty car stereos with blown speakers. | ||
| Dude's a talented dude, for sure. | ||
| Well, and when we were talking about Seal earlier, you made a good point about that song, is that, like, dads like that song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Like, everyone likes that song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dads, even with their fat gut, when they're driving their electric golf course over to the ninth hole, they want to pretend that they're still artists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm ready to get a little crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| I get crazy with my whole family, with everybody. | ||
| In a world full of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They all know. | |
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Mike can just go to this place. | ||
| I have a switch. | ||
| That switch goes and I don't even know. | ||
| You have to wake me up after it's over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, I just, uh, I'm free. | |
| I feel like my dad definitely probably just had that on a loop, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like, one song. | ||
| Yeah, of course your dad liked it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dad liked Prodigy a lot. | ||
| Like, he would get ripped and just play that through the house. | ||
| Like, I'm a firestarter. | ||
| It was so horrible. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, I hated it. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Do you remember that one crazy song that was like a big one, too, that everybody would crank in their car? | ||
| Was it a seal one? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Chumbawamba? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was just like an official dad song, you mean. | ||
| No, it was like, how the fuck did it go? | ||
| A dad song. | ||
| There are dad songs. | ||
| Remember when I lost my mind? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know that song? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Something about that special time. | ||
| How's that go? | ||
| I'm trying to think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Does that make me cry? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| CeeLo! | ||
| CeeLo! | ||
| It was CeeLo before the Ecstasy Charge. | ||
| That's a good song, too. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Narls Broccoli. | ||
| CeeLo is Fuck You. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| CeeLo is in Narls Broccoli. | ||
| It's with Danger Mouse. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| All right, so CeeLo is... | ||
| Oh, he's in it. | ||
| I thought Narls Broccoli was a dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That is a universally loved song, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't hate that one. | ||
| A lot of people love to think they're crazy. | ||
| I'm just crazy. | ||
| The Andre 3000 song. | ||
| What's gonna happen? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Oh, Hey Ya. | ||
| Hey Ya. | ||
| That's a jam. | ||
| Melodically, dads can get into it, you know? | ||
| It's not just for the kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's true. | ||
| Like Outkast, that's for the kids. | ||
| But that song, dad's gonna listen to it. | ||
| Real dads only. | ||
| It's like jazz. | ||
| I'm sophisticated. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, no, I like black kids' music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| The kids are listening, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was listening to this rap song where this guy was trying to romance this girl. | ||
| He was talking about playing chess with her and eating organic food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And listening to jazz. | ||
| In the song? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| In a rap song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Trying to romance this girl. | ||
| Organic vegan. | ||
| You know what song I was listening to? | ||
| I was watching an episode of Glee. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I know, I know! | ||
| I'm becoming horribly lame. | ||
| And they played that song, the thong song. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Right. | ||
| She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. | ||
| Guys like, well, what if she took dumps like a truck? | ||
| No. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| She had dumps like a truck. | ||
| Her ass is like a big... | ||
| A dump truck. | ||
| She has a good dumper. | ||
| She had dumps like a truck. | ||
| Yeah, I know that, but her dumps are her ass. | ||
| They're just trying to make things rhyme. | ||
| The more you look into it, they'll fuck you up. | ||
| Cisco. | ||
| Cisco. | ||
| That's who it is, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We can't go down the rabbit hole. | ||
| There's the thong song. | ||
| Cisco. | ||
| How long ago was this made? | ||
| That's gotta be the 60s, right? | ||
| When James Brown was a baby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cisco had a gang of buses. | ||
| What's he doing now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's still doing his thing, man. | |
| This song was huge. | ||
| Yeah, this song was huge. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, he had, look at, he's got all these buses. | ||
| He's got five buses pull up. | ||
| They say Cisco on them. | ||
| I want everything white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me see your booty go! | |
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, well, Tommy, you fucking got me on a Gucci Mane, you son of a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did? | |
| Yeah, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I was listening to some new Gucci Mane thing the other night. | ||
| I'm like, he wrote that five minutes ago. | ||
| He wrote that on cough syrup five minutes ago. | ||
| I'm right. | ||
| Straight out the fed, man. | ||
| First day out the feds. | ||
| He's got a new album. | ||
| What's his big song, James? | ||
| He lost a lot of weight in prison. | ||
| You notice that? | ||
| Yeah, he's got a six-pack now. | ||
| I mean, he really lost a lot, yeah. | ||
| He has an ice cream cone on his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Burr. | |
| It says burr. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With a lightning bolt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Gucci! | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Gucci doesn't play, man. | ||
| Young Thug and Gucci Mane. | ||
| His young protege, Young Thug, he's a little bit of... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wouldn't call him fluid gender. | ||
| I'm not going to say that, but he's a fashion designer. | ||
| First of all, it's gender fluid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| You are not going to miss gender ID on my show. | ||
| His jeans were a little whack, Tommy. | ||
| He likes standing out. | ||
| Let's not shame him. | ||
| Let's not denim shame him. | ||
| You know what song you would like, though, from Gucci? | ||
| Before he got locked up? | ||
| The Lemonade song. | ||
| Oh, I've heard that song. | ||
| Oh, you're like, yeah. | ||
| That's a catchy song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How does it go? | |
| I mean, dads can listen to it. | ||
| How does it go? | ||
| Sing it out. | ||
| How does it go? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| We're being invaded. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
aliens how's it goes extra neighbors alarms going off oh is it yeah that's real what's it called the The purge is happening? | |
| Yes, the purge. | ||
| I have a samurai sword. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I'm scared. | ||
| Wait, how does that song go? | ||
| Sing your... | ||
| Yeah, lemonade song? | ||
| Sing your lemonade. | ||
| Yellow everything, man. | ||
| Yellow, yellow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yellow birds. | |
| Yellow diamonds in my ear. | ||
| Yellow, yellow, yellow. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's how it starts. | ||
| I think maybe he makes things... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| You like it? | ||
| Negative. | ||
| No. | ||
| All right, I'll play it for you in the car. | ||
| Somebody likes it, though. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| Lots of people. | ||
| That song is catchy, actually. | ||
| I'm the minority here. | ||
| I cut it from YouTube. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's cutting it off of YouTube so we won't get pulled from YouTube so people can hear this on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all about that yellow. | |
| Like gold, right? | ||
| I like gold. | ||
| I like money. | ||
| For a while... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's the melody, right? | ||
| Yeah, it sounds good, though. | ||
| It seems like he's having a good time. | ||
| Look how big he is there. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely had more body fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably did a lot of push-ups in the house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Started eating right, got focused. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah. | |
| Probably wrote some good shit. | ||
| And this is all pre-tattoo, too. | ||
| Yeah, we had a few then, though. | ||
| But not on the face. | ||
| Not on the face. | ||
| He had a baby face there. | ||
| He's got my favorite all-time saying to a judge. | ||
| Oh, that's not real. | ||
| They said, Mr. Maine, are you guilty? | ||
| He goes, bitch, I might be. | ||
| That's like, that's a meme, right? | ||
| He didn't actually really say that. | ||
| No, he said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| No, he said that. | ||
| I thought that was definitely not real. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Gucci Mane did not. | ||
| Bitch, I might be. | ||
| It's hoax? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why did you ruin it for me? | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| No, Jamie, keep me in the dark. | ||
| Keep me in the dark on things that are too good. | ||
| Bitch, I might be. | ||
| That's the greatest thing ever. | ||
| Say that to a judge. | ||
| Such gender. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| Sorry, I was talking to Jamie. | ||
| So privileged. | ||
| Jamie, you are so privileged. | ||
| Are you guilty? | ||
| Bitch, I might be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Be one of the greatest things that anybody could say ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Disrespect, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1950s. | |
| There's some great videos, by the way, if you're ever bored, I don't know if you've ever looked up on YouTube, judges handling people acting out of line at sentencing things. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who does that? | |
| Have you ever seen the one where the girl is like, she says something in Spanish to this Cuban judge in Miami, and he has a really heavy accent. | ||
| I mean, damn. | ||
| Oh, I remember this. | ||
| You ever seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| It's unbelievable, man. | ||
| She flips the bird to the judge? | ||
| And then she says something in Spanish, like to be cheeky to him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then he's like, come back here. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| And she's like, ah, I said like, buenos dias. | ||
| And he gives her like an extra 30 days. | ||
| And then she's like, flicks him off, he's like, come back again. | ||
| And he gives her like an extra 90 days. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| She thinks she cute. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| She is pretty. | ||
| She's messing with her hair. | ||
| She thinks she too cute. | ||
| See how she's like laughing and stuff? | ||
| Yeah, she thinks she cute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He fucking crushes her. | ||
| Isn't that interesting that it's the judge's discretion? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That he can do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| That shouldn't be the case. | ||
| No, it shouldn't be. | ||
| Like, you're punishing her because she's being disrespectful to you or to the court itself? | ||
| To both. | ||
| I think that you have to respect the court. | ||
| Did you see what they did to that Alabama judge? | ||
| No. | ||
| Can I hear someone else? | ||
| I think she's high, though. | ||
| Or will we get yanked? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| You'll get yanked. | ||
| Let me hear what he's supposed to say to her. | ||
| It has no sound? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, it was probably like the courtroom camera. | ||
| See? | ||
| The actual courtroom camera. | ||
| Come back. | ||
| Tom will do the voices. | ||
| Come back here! | ||
| She's laughing and smiling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ding dong. | ||
| Isn't it funny how people, when they're in a position like that, you're caught, like you're in court and they have all the power, you want to pretend like you don't give a fuck, you know? | ||
| I'd give a lot of fuck if I were her. | ||
| If I were in front of a judge, I'd be very, very respectful and scared. | ||
| I don't fuck with the law. | ||
| She just flipped him off. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Crazy! | ||
| Now he's angry. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's amazing that he can just do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's kind of amazing because that's almost too much power. | ||
| Like, I understand that you're violating the court, but should it really be up to the judge to arbitrarily decide to give you 30 more days or 90 more days or whatever they give you? | ||
| Should it really be up to him? | ||
| I mean, maybe there's a rule, like if you say the F word or if you give someone the finger, you get an automatic, like, whatever. | ||
| Oh, but then they should be able to pick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe that's the rule. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe you think it is? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| That's contempt of court, isn't it? | ||
| Guys, I went to law school for two weeks and we didn't learn that. | ||
| It's contempt of court to be disrespectful, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You're not supposed to flip off a judge. | ||
| You're supposed to dress a certain way. | ||
| I mean, obviously the jumpsuit thing is its own thing, but like, yeah, you're supposed to respect the court, the judge. | ||
| Well, she had to wear the jumpsuit because she was arrested. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But do you think that the judge can just decide how many days he gives you? | ||
| I mean, there's got to be a limit to it. | ||
| You can't be sentenced for contempt. | ||
| Piece of shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Cursed judge gets like a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Cursed judge gets 364 days in jail for contempt. | ||
| Well, he's a domestic violence asshole. | ||
| I just don't know what the rules are. | ||
| Like, what a judge can do and what they can't. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| Sentencing is a weird thing. | ||
| They have minimums for certain things like murder and armed robbery and violent crimes. | ||
| There's probably... | ||
| There's got to be parameters for it. | ||
| But that's why they're always like, oh, this judge particularly is lenient on this and that matter. | ||
| Like, you almost want to choose your judge and you choose your jurors. | ||
| The attorneys do based on Okay, so I didn't really go to law school for two weeks, and we did learn about jury selection, and the key is you do want to get, and this is horrible, but usually, like, the dumbest people. | ||
| Like, you want to have people that are really, you know, easily persuaded to whatever your cause is, clearly. | ||
| And a judge, too, that is favorable. | ||
| They're liberal if they're whatever, you know? | ||
| That's true, right? | ||
| You could guess based on their past. | ||
| The precedence, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very fluid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jeez, Tom. | ||
| Jeez, you doing alright? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Freaking us out by drinking that so quick. | ||
| I drink a lot of water. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| No, no you don't. | ||
| That's the first time you've cracked it open. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you guys fighting? | ||
| Well, I hydrate a lot more than he does. | ||
| Oh, is this an issue? | ||
| It is, but it's not close. | ||
| You hydrate more than her? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| I've been hydrating this whole time. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| But he has that drink too. | ||
| Oh, I have this drink too? | ||
| This is also hydration. | ||
| Yours is much smaller. | ||
| Well, I'm a smaller being. | ||
| I weigh like a fraction of what he weighs. | ||
| I'm very tiny and petite. | ||
| Oh, geez, look at my moniker. | ||
| Dad mouth. | ||
| The water champion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn you. | |
| Did I say the water champion? | ||
| Is that what you tell people? | ||
| That's so wrong. | ||
| I'm clearly the water champion. | ||
| We've decided this. | ||
| I got to do a full new show. | ||
| A lot of times, you know, they go, you're doing like eight minutes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I did the entire broadcast. | ||
| I did the weather and everything. | ||
| All is DJ Dadmouth. | ||
| What city was this in? | ||
| Des Moines. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're probably so happy you were there. | ||
| They were just like... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What are you doing in Des Moines? | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I did two nights just at the Funny Bone. | ||
| Is it fun? | ||
| Yeah, I had a really good time. | ||
| Really good time. | ||
| Did you come up with this DJ Dadmouth thing? | ||
| Was it a specific plan or did you do it for fun? | ||
| For fun. | ||
| Totally for fun. | ||
| But did you do it one day? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we just did more. | ||
| No, what happened was, tell Joe the whole story. | ||
| I was eight months pregnant, and he's like, I'm going to buy a ton of DJing equipment. | ||
| I'm like, wait, what are you doing? | ||
| He's like, I'm going to buy like $10,000 worth of shit in our house. | ||
| And I was like, all right, I clearly knew this was his last hurrah as a free person. | ||
| So I try not to give him too much static. | ||
| And then, sure enough, all this DJing stuff shows up. | ||
| Not 10 grand and stuff. | ||
| Yo, you've got decks and fucking lights and lasers in the garage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Rob Russell? | |
| Yes, that's what I said! | ||
| Russell Peters got you! | ||
| Yeah, he's got a lot. | ||
| He's a real DJ. He goes to clubs. | ||
| Yeah, he can do it. | ||
| He doesn't? | ||
| No, he does, yes. | ||
| He's making a face. | ||
| He does, yes. | ||
| What's that face? | ||
| She's making a face because I was like, I'll get good enough at this to do after parties after my shows. | ||
| Were you serious? | ||
| I was half serious, yeah. | ||
| Because I was like, you know what? | ||
| Because I, you know, I love hip-hop, I've always grown up, and I've always wanted to do it, so I got the, I got like, you know, introduction, not $10,000, not even $5,000, like not even close to that. | ||
| I just bought turntables and got, um... | ||
| Fur jackets, gold chains. | ||
| No, but come on, that shit was just silly to get, you know? | ||
| If you were a DJ today, and you were trying to spin turntables, don't you think people would be asking to take selfies in the middle of it, and it would fuck up your flow? | ||
| No. | ||
| If I was DJing... | ||
| Yeah, if you were doing an after party, people would try to take selfies with you. | ||
| Like, can you just take a selfie? | ||
| You're like, I'm in the middle of spinning. | ||
| I'd be up there, though. | ||
| But they don't spin anymore. | ||
| But on my Facebook. | ||
| Yeah, you're probably right. | ||
| For sure they would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You might talk up your whole routine. | ||
| I have to be honest. | ||
| Who really gave me the idea where I was like, oh, this is actually possible, was Hannibal. | ||
| Because I was in Cleveland earlier this year. | ||
| And I saw him tweet that he was in Cleveland doing a pop-up show, right? | ||
| He just tweeted out, I'm doing like a, whatever, like a rock club pop-up show. | ||
| No advance notice. | ||
| So I texted him. | ||
| I was like, I'm over at Hilarity's, that great club in Cleveland. | ||
| When is your show? | ||
| And he said like nine. | ||
| I go, mine's at eight. | ||
| You want to do a guest spot? | ||
| And he goes, yeah. | ||
| So then afterwards, he had an after party at the, and that's me basically geeking out on the decks. | ||
| Look how excited Tom is. | ||
| Yeah, and then Tony Trim, which is the DJ that travels with him, was like, oh dude, you can just get this and you can just buy this stuff. | ||
| And that's what really got me to do it. | ||
| Scroll one up. | ||
| Let's look at that white guy dance move. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that move you're doing there. | ||
| Yeah, he's doing it. | ||
| You're doing this. | ||
| Okay, Dad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| You're just listening to your seal. | ||
| But that's what really geeked me out. | ||
| But I'm never gonna survive. | ||
| But the name DJ Dadmouth came because he was becoming a father at the time. | ||
| And I was like, you're like way lame, bro. | ||
| You're me a dad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it kind of morphed into DJ Dad. | ||
| That's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or DJ Dadmouth. | |
| All that's true. | ||
| But taking it onto morning news was like a one-time goof. | ||
| That's a whole level of funny. | ||
| That was like so funny. | ||
| I was like, I always do this all the time, you know? | ||
| So, when you went on as a one-time goof, did you have a plan, or did you just... | ||
| Not really. | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| I was just like, the fun thing was to go... | ||
| The thing that I hate the most is when you do them, they're like, what can audiences expect this weekend? | ||
| They always say that. | ||
| Oh, I hate that. | ||
| And I'm like, a fucking show? | ||
| Jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you talk about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's bothering you right now, Tom? | ||
| Yeah, that's the setup. | ||
| What's going on in your life? | ||
| And then they go, just do whatever you want. | ||
| Just have fun with it. | ||
| So when they do that, I was just like, I don't really give a fuck about comedy. | ||
| And then they were like, what? | ||
| I'm like, it's about the after party. | ||
| I'm going to be DJing while I'm here. | ||
| Just to goof on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so stupid. | |
| It's so funny. | ||
| Because it was fun to have them be like, alright. | ||
| But you are at the funny bone, right? | ||
| I mean, for a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| I'm like, I don't really care about the funny bone. | ||
| And then you have the funny bone sitting right there off camera like, what are you doing? | ||
| Panicking. | ||
| I'm like, who cares? | ||
| The best part is when he sets up the really cheesy anchors to ask him stupid questions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you had someone do the bird is fat thing. | ||
| That was the best one. | ||
| Because you know if you ever... | ||
| Sometimes when you go, hey, ask me about farts or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They'll be like, eh. | ||
| So they know not to... | ||
| They check themselves on asking something provocative or that's not 100% PG. So I didn't know how it would go, but I go, oh, ask me why bird's so fat. | ||
| And the lady goes, okay. | ||
| And then so we just are in the middle of this interview... | ||
| And she goes, why is Bert so fat? | ||
| And I was like, that's a good question. | ||
| Like, I just rolled with it, you know? | ||
| And then it grew, and then a hot dog eating champion, a guy that was in the Nathan Challenge, he placed, didn't he place? | ||
| Yeah, he's like one of the, he was like a super competitive eater. | ||
| Like a Kobayashi dude? | ||
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy! | |
| This guy! | ||
| Can you play the audio on this? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Life-changing stuff. | ||
| I've dropped about 100 pounds in eight months. | ||
| He dropped 100 pounds? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's my cheat day for the year. | |
| But prepping just gallons of water. | ||
| I have two giant inspirations. | ||
| First, my wife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's our second anniversary today, so I want to say hi to her. | |
| And there's a comedian I love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a big, giant, fat guy just like me, Burt Kreisler. | |
| If you can do it, I can do it. | ||
| He's still way bigger than I am, but you know what? | ||
| Maybe I can inspire him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Now, for people who are wise, it's funny. | ||
| This is why it's funny. | ||
| Tom and Bert have been doing this thing for a fucking year now, where Tom will write hashtag Bert is fat, and then Bert will write Tom is fat, and then they'll argue, they'll make videos with their shirts off, arguing who's fatter. | ||
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| It's actually, you know, it's died down a lot, but the fact that that guy... | ||
| He did it on his Dude, when I put a picture of you up, I see hashtag Bert is fat. | ||
| If I talk about you, if I tweet about you, hashtag Bert is fat. | ||
| It really took off. | ||
| That's a meme that we talked about on your mom's house, but we never thought. | ||
| We do all kinds of silly stuff, but this one really resonated with the audience. | ||
| Why did that one really resonate? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| There was great theories about this, and I think it was this. | ||
| I think Matt Fultron pointed out to me, the full charge, said, you gave him the formula. | ||
| You gave audiences a joke formula. | ||
| Here's a person. | ||
| It's a fat joke. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| And I think that was what was fun for people. | ||
| To fat shame somebody. | ||
| Just to jump in on something that it's all like the formula is there. | ||
| And you were asking them to pick a side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's the competitive nature of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they know that you guys really are good friends. | ||
| Some did. | ||
| Some did not. | ||
| I would say most people did. | ||
| Most people did. | ||
| Did some people get mad? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Some people were, like, really fucking, really harsh and really, like, fuck. | ||
| I've always fucking hated Bert. | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| Like, you're like, whoa! | ||
| Like, shit like that. | ||
| But it wasn't the majority. | ||
| Some people were like that, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Same thing to me. | ||
| Some people were like, you know. | ||
| See, it's one of my theories about this Trump thing. | ||
| I think people just pick a fucking side, and that side represents the battle. | ||
| And it doesn't have to make any sense. | ||
| And whatever fact you bring about, they're like, I don't care. | ||
| If I post something about Hillary, I get so many people that get so fucking upset. | ||
| I'm like, look, it doesn't take away from... | ||
| There's a bunch of different ones, but there was one recently, a WikiLeaks one, that came out today where WikiLeaks is saying that she asked about Julian Assange whether they could just drone this guy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Which is kind of funny. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| You know, she's saying he's thumbing his nose up in America, can't we just drone this guy? | ||
| Who knows whether she really said it or not. | ||
| But the problem is, if somebody tweets it, the people that support Hillary don't go, whoa, that's kind of interesting. | ||
| They go, oh, you fucking think that she really mean that? | ||
| Where's your proof? | ||
| All of a sudden, they're defending their side. | ||
| They're defending that person. | ||
| They're so emotionally invested in her winning over Trump that instead of going, whoa, did she really say that? | ||
| Right, let's check the story out. | ||
| And as a human being, just going, What do you think she meant? | ||
| Do you think it was a joke? | ||
| Or is she crazy? | ||
| Do you think this is what they really do? | ||
| And then you start thinking about some of the things that have taken place, like that fucking kid who leaked the emails to the DNC and wound up getting shot at 4 o'clock in the morning in the back in front of his house. | ||
| You know that story, right? | ||
| I don't know that story. | ||
| No! | ||
| No, this is a kid, 4 o'clock in the morning, this is a guy who leaked the emails that showed that they collaborated to get Hillary elected over Bernie Sanders, make sure that she got the nomination. | ||
| I mean, they literally distorted, they distorted democracy. | ||
| Like, the Democratic National... | ||
| Campaign was working to try to get Hillary elected over him. | ||
| Because Bernie Sanders is not really a Democrat. | ||
| He's more of an independent. | ||
| He doesn't play party-line games. | ||
| And they had decided pretty early on that they were going to support her. | ||
| So it's not like the Democratic National Committee is just being completely objective and just doing their best. | ||
| He was murdered? | ||
| Julie Assange, hence murdered DC staffer, was email leaker. | ||
| Offers $20,000 reward for info. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Yeah, this is a crazy story. | ||
| It's a crazy story. | ||
| I mean, if that is what happened and they decided to have someone kill that kid. | ||
| So that kid is the one that leaked that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| Not only is it he's dead, but no one's talking about it anymore. | ||
| It's just one of those things that just kind of went away. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I mean, he might have just been killed in some random act of violence because he was in a bad place at the wrong time. | ||
| Or, somebody might have fucking killed him. | ||
| That might have happened too. | ||
| Deliberate. | ||
| If he really did leak those emails, that is nuts. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That's a movie. | ||
| Yeah, that is a movie. | ||
| It sure is. | ||
| And in this crazy, chaotic election, nobody has any time for that. | ||
| There's too many other things you have to be thinking about. | ||
| There's a million different things going on at the same time. | ||
| Yeah, it really makes you, like, those picking sides things, too, always makes you realize, I think, that elections are never decided by either side. | ||
| It really is decided by that person that can be swayed. | ||
| It's such a small... | ||
| That's the weird thing. | ||
| You know, you're never going to sway the far left or the far right. | ||
| It's all about the person who's like, hmm. | ||
| But who is the undecided? | ||
| Like, are you really... | ||
| Those are two polar, in my opinion, opposite people, Trump and Hillary. | ||
| It's not like, how are you on the fence? | ||
| I don't understand the way they're thinking. | ||
| They're so polar, it's a joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like a cartoon. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's almost like good and evil and male and feminine. | ||
| They have to be able to ignore the noise of all the news stuff and the conversations. | ||
| You really got to be like, what's the policy on this? | ||
| And then I guess some people are actually caught up, you know, thinking about... | ||
| Oh, like an actual... | ||
| And then not the drama of it all and the personality. | ||
| Yeah, you have to ignore the drama. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you're one of those people that's actually going back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to. | |
| Well, just neither are ideal. | ||
| And anybody that pretends that either are ideal is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| So, I get you want to stop Trump because you think he represents everything that's wrong in the world. | ||
| Well, to some people, Hillary represents everything that's wrong in politics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Some people have a problem with that, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's just... | ||
| The whole thing, it's a weird sort of a social study, as much as it is an election. | ||
| You're watching this team thing play out in this very strange way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| Who do you think is going to win? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| See, that's the thing. | ||
| It's like, who do you think is going to win? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm thinking. | ||
| I think people will fucking pick a side. | ||
| They'll pick a side, whether it's Democrat or Republican, they'll pick a side at some point in their life, and then they just start accepting stuff to stay on the team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right. | ||
| Start going with stuff that goes that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And, you know, I mean, there's, like, some ridiculous, like, super ultra-sensitive left-wing stuff that I think's preposterous. | ||
| And then there's some ridiculous right-wing, super conservative, ultra-religious stuff that I think's preposterous. | ||
| And you can only be one or the other. | ||
| Like, if you're a Republican, you have to believe in God, and you have to be conservative, and you have to, you know, you have to... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now, the party, what the party is now is completely different than what it was in the 80s when Reagan was chilling and everyone was happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Well, in the 80s is when they courted the religious right. | ||
| That's how they made it the religious right. | ||
| The 80s, those religious people are a big part of the reason why Reagan got elected in the first place. | ||
| Because they organized. | ||
| Those church people organized. | ||
| They all supported him because he was supporting Christian values. | ||
| There was much more of a separation of church and state in the earlier years of the government. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like this year's election is, in our lifetime or my lifetime, is the most, like, the votes are based on the hatred of the other candidate more so than supporting the candidate. | ||
| In some ways, but some people love Trump. | ||
| They fucking love him, man. | ||
| They love the idea that this guy's gonna come in and just shake it up. | ||
| Shake it up. | ||
| Shake it up with all kinds of stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm gonna do. | |
| That is the dumbest fucking guy. | ||
| That's absurd. | ||
| That debate the other night was insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I saw people that I like who said that he won the debate. | ||
| That's so... | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dave Rubin said it. | ||
| No, boo-boo. | ||
| Yeah, Dave Rubin said he thinks that overall Trump won. | ||
| Maybe the beginning was just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brutal. | |
| I missed the beginning. | ||
| Did you see the beginning? | ||
| No, I did not either. | ||
| I only saw the end when he was just stumbling. | ||
| He said he has a winning temperament. | ||
| She just clowned him. | ||
| The winning temperament thing was such a childish temper tantrum. | ||
| Well, it's so weird because he turns it around. | ||
| The question was, did you say that Hillary doesn't have the right look to be president? | ||
| He goes, the look, the stamina. | ||
| She doesn't have the stamina. | ||
| And she doesn't have a winning temperament. | ||
| I have a winning temperament. | ||
| And he turns it around on himself. | ||
| Because he knows it's a big knock. | ||
| So he's getting defensive. | ||
| That was bait that he couldn't ignore. | ||
| Because the big knock had been, well, one of the big knocks was like, well, you don't have the temperament. | ||
| Because he's very thin-skinned, right? | ||
| Like anybody tweets something at him, he fights, you know, he does all the insults. | ||
| It's because his temperament... | ||
| That doesn't seem presidential. | ||
| But he has a winning temperament. | ||
| That's the spin, isn't it? | ||
| It's a neat spin. | ||
| That's a scary part. | ||
| But it just shows how much he absorbed all that stuff and was defensive about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| He's very defensive. | ||
| So he's totally presidential. | ||
| Yeah, he gets very, like, doesn't really get away, but it's one of those things that his supporters ignore was how often, you know, he just goes like, wrong, like he would, wrong. | ||
| That's not, never said that. | ||
| And it's all stuff that he did say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they just go like, well, who cares? | ||
| He just... | ||
| And didn't some part of the tax thing came out that he... | ||
| How much money did he claim? | ||
| 915-something million dollars in losses. | ||
| So he didn't have to pay taxes for a long time. | ||
| 18 years, yeah. | ||
| 18 years? | ||
| No taxes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Well, they said that he basically... | ||
| It's legal, what they're saying. | ||
| But this might be the reason why he hasn't wanted to release... | ||
| His tax returns is that that level of loss would allow him to not pay taxes on essentially 50 million in income, no federal taxes for about 20 years. | ||
| But they're saying, you know, that's why the reluctance to probably because once that's out there, even though he didn't break a law, that's, you know. | ||
| Well, it also crushes the illusion that he's a successful businessman. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That you don't lose $950 million or whatever it was if you're doing great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just a fact. | ||
| He's filed bankruptcy. | ||
| I mean, not personal bankruptcy, but... | ||
| A couple times. | ||
| A few times, yeah. | ||
| But it was weird when he was talking on the debate and Hillary brought that up and he goes, it's because I'm smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm smart. | ||
| I don't pay taxes because I'm smart. | ||
| You're running for... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, people who have paid taxes, who only make like 40 grand a year, you're not going to want to hear that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| President Camacho, man. | ||
| We might get him. | ||
| We're getting him. | ||
| The prophecy of idiocracy. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| What do you think is going to happen next? | ||
| Because this is what's fascinating to me. | ||
| It's like, once we get through him, okay? | ||
| And whether or not he... | ||
| I don't think he can win at this point, but I've been wrong before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, people murder now Trump fans again. | |
| This is the hate mail episode. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it was a Let's say if he wins, it's going to be very fascinating. | ||
| For us, it's going to be a windfall. | ||
| You know what it's going to be like? | ||
| It's like, have you ever done like a... | ||
| When I was living in New York, there was an inside joke with comedians that, like, if you were all a bunch of starters, you just started out, and there was a black comic, that comic would always want to go on last. | ||
| Like, no, man, I was told I was supposed to headline. | ||
| But if it was a black guy with two other black guys, he always wanted to go on first. | ||
| Oh, right, right. | ||
| So they could do all the, man, I haven't seen this many white people since my trial! | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| A bunch of hacky shit. | ||
| Yeah, auction jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If Trump becomes president, we will all be that hacky urban comic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We'll just, there'll be so much to choose. | ||
| Four years of bad jokes. | ||
| You want to go on stage early, because you don't want to go on after everybody beats the Trump material in the ground. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| That is so true. | ||
| Your hair stuff, your hair jokes. | ||
| Oh, the orange face. | ||
| Well, then it's all the crazy shit he's going to say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the dumb shit he's going to do. | ||
| But, you know, I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to be president. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| He just likes the attention. | ||
| He's a bit of a megalomaniac. | ||
| He likes people talking about him. | ||
| But it's so, okay, let's say he gets elected. | ||
| I really don't see him doing... | ||
| What's the motivation? | ||
| So he's just going to be in the headlines now and... | ||
| He wants to be referred to as Mr. President. | ||
| I think that's the biggest rush for him. | ||
| Do you think that once you get in, though, I mean, once he's in there, maybe he's not going to want to let it go, though. | ||
| Maybe he's going to actually try to make a mark, you know, do some stupid shit. | ||
| I feel like his favorite, his perfect scenario, I don't think he would ever want to give up running his businesses. | ||
| I think he loves it. | ||
| He loves his lifestyle. | ||
| I don't think he wants to be tied to the White House. | ||
| I think his dream scenario is that this is a close race. | ||
| And then he goes like, I basically should have won. | ||
| This was pretty much rigged. | ||
| And there should be another vote count. | ||
| Well, he was saying that about the debate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he did. | |
| It was a rigged deal. | ||
| Yes, a rigged deal. | ||
| He said that about one of those, what's it called? | ||
| When there were more candidates in the Republican primaries. | ||
| He lost one state. | ||
| And the day or two after, he was like, I think I won. | ||
| He lost to Iowa or something. | ||
| He was like, I think I won. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He didn't want to give it What's he gonna even do? | |
| Like, what does he want? | ||
| It's just so amazing that he's this close. | ||
| It's so amazing that he's the nominee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's so embarrassing for the Republicans. | ||
| It's embarrassing for all of us. | ||
| We just left Columbus where this happened as we were leaving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A random janitor found all these black ballot boxes in a warehouse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And they're already filled out for a bunch of Franklin County, like, What? | ||
| Where is this? | ||
| I was looking at it and I was like, I don't know how, but I'm seeing it on a bunch of news sites right now. | ||
| It's being looked into right now. | ||
| What website is this at? | ||
| This one is from PamelaGeller.com. | ||
| Who's Pamela Geller? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I just clicked on the first one I saw, but this was like the local NBC station was reporting it. | ||
| Pamela Geller. | ||
| That's Donald Trump's niece. | ||
| Snopes reported it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It says false, but it's on a bunch of sites right now, so it might not be true. | ||
| Sorry I brought that up just now. | ||
| Why would they do it before the election? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn it. | |
| Origin. | ||
| See there, look at this. | ||
| That'll be weird. | ||
| Christian Times newspaper, an article reporting tens of thousands. | ||
| It's fake, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How dare you, Jamie? | ||
| I love how they're all marked ballot box, too, so you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lest you be confused. | ||
| Clinton ballot boxes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's not only that. | ||
| If you look at some of them, the way it was, it looked like they were photoshopped on because it was not parallel with the box itself. | ||
| Okay, let's get rid of this, Jamie. | ||
| This is fake. | ||
| It's happened. | ||
| I'm sure they've done it before. | ||
| I'm sure someone has written it. | ||
| You ever see Hacking Democracy? | ||
| No. | ||
| Hacking Democracy is great. | ||
| It was an HBO documentary on those machines, the Diebold machines. | ||
| Is this the hang-in Chad? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| But that happened. | ||
| They rigged the machines. | ||
| The machines were rigged so that they could have a third party enter data. | ||
| So, like, not just you, not the person who counts, but a third person who enters data to change the votes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| The machines, yeah, the machines were 100% hackable. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And they had designed them to be hackable. | ||
| They designed them to have third party input. | ||
| And they showed in the hacking democracy, the guy got into the thing and changed the vote. | ||
| He changed a vote, demonstrated it to them, and then they were sitting there going, what the fuck? | ||
| And not only that, the guy who made those machines, or the company who made those machines, was a gigantic supporter of the Republican Party. | ||
| And this is when, during the Bush administration. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they changed their name. | ||
| The company, Diebold, they had to switch their name. | ||
| They switched their name. | ||
| They also make ATMs. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Just getting people elected, making payments. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy how many high-ranking Republicans renounced their cards and announced that they weren't. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| Oh, here's one I forgot I wanted to bring up. | ||
| That guy Hassert, I think that's his name, who got convicted. | ||
| He was some big-time judge who got convicted of child molestation. | ||
| Oh, old Dennis. | ||
| Yes, Dennis Hassert, right? | ||
| Wasn't he a senator or a congressman? | ||
| What was he? | ||
| Sentenced to 15 months. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| 15 months. | ||
| That's all you get for that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For illegally structuring bank transactions. | ||
| Scroll back down, please. | ||
| Illegally structuring bank transactions in an effort to cover off his sexual abuse of young members of the wrestling team that he coached decades ago. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How do you only get 15 months for that? | ||
| He was Speaker of the House. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was Speaker of the House, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How the fuck? | ||
| Is he old? | ||
| Oh, he's 74. That might be a part of it. | ||
| He's so old. | ||
| Shoot him. | ||
| He was diddling years ago. | ||
| Why not shoot him? | ||
| Let those kids all line up. | ||
| Hey, hold on. | ||
| Go back, please. | ||
| Read this here. | ||
| Mr. Hastert 74 who made an unlikely rise from beloved small-town wrestling coach in Illinois to speaker of the house in Washington Sat slouched in a wheelchair in a federal courtroom here as judge announced that he would be rejecting pleas for probation He's gonna play it hard on mr. Hastert as Well as the prosecutors endorsement of a shorter prison stay what shorter than 15 months Crazy he said look at the judge said Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Some actions can obliterate a lifetime of good works. | ||
| Nothing is more stunning than having serial child molester and Speaker of the House in the same sentence. | ||
| That was a judge. | ||
| 15 months is the full sentence. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And he ordered him to pay $250,000 in fines. | ||
| Even if you paid those kids $1,000 every time you fucked them. | ||
| Do you think it was 250 times? | ||
| No. | ||
| He got off cheap. | ||
| You know, Joe, I used to be a fan of yours. | ||
| Publishing me. | ||
| Here, a series of illnesses, including a stroke, bloodstream infection. | ||
| So he's sickly and old, which is, I bet, why they're not giving him the whole thing. | ||
| So what? | ||
| So what? | ||
| I think they should cut his balls off publicly. | ||
| He used a walker to rise to his feet, but his cock stood hard and firm as he recounted the days when he would molest young wrestlers. | ||
| As a high school wrestler, I looked up to Coach Hassert. | ||
| He was a key figure in my life, said Mr. Cross, now 53 and a businessman who works in the financial services in the Chicago area. | ||
| From a podium just feet from Mr. Hassert's wheelchair, Mr. Cross... | ||
| Recalled abuse that occurred on a locker room training table when he was 17. I felt intense pain, shame, and guilt. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| What a piece of shit, huh? | ||
| This guy got away with it for so long. | ||
| So long. | ||
| Raping little kids. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's just amazing that that relationship that he had as a Speaker of the House allowed him to only get 15 months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He should be in jail for life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forever. | |
| And he got, by the way, so many, the judge received so many letters about what an awesome guy and all the awesome things that he did. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Everybody was, you know, I mean, high-ranking people were like, he's done amazing work. | ||
| Well, that must mean that he knows something. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| They must have helped him because he knows something. | ||
| It must have been one of those things where, look, if I go to jail, you're all fucked. | ||
| Yeah, you write that fucking letter. | ||
| Who else stands up ever, ever? | ||
| Joe Paterno, right? | ||
| When that whole shit was going down with Sandusky, even Paterno was like, ah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Everybody backed away from Sandusky. | ||
| Nobody stood up for him. | ||
| Of course, of course. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The story's breaking right now. | ||
| I heard on the news this week and there's a doctor that used to work for the USA Olympic team and like the gymnast. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| He's been accused of I can tell you what they said. | ||
| Sexual abuse allegations? | ||
| Digitally inserting girls to correct their backs with no gloves on and stuff like that, he said. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| He's going in their pussy to correct their back? | ||
| Yeah, that's what he was saying he was doing, and he did it when they were on trips with no parents around and whatnot. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| I learned that technique years ago, but I didn't know that it was still being done. | ||
| Your wife has straight posture. | ||
| I didn't notice that. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| The three-digit technique, it's called. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just threaten with the pinky, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Shoulders back! | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| That's scary stuff. | ||
| Did you hear about Kim Kardashian getting held up at gunpoint in Paris? | ||
| Yeah, that's horrible. | ||
| Like, tied up in a bath? | ||
| Tied up and gagged? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Terrible, man. | ||
| That is terrible. | ||
| That's scary shit. | ||
| And the guys were dressed up as cops. | ||
| This is a really well-planned... | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| Robbery. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| $9 million in jewelry. | ||
| They had $9 million in jewelry on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In jewelry? | |
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I heard that he was performing in the middle of a song. | ||
| Somebody ran on stage and told him. | ||
| Yeah, and he said there was a family member. | ||
| Yeah, and took off. | ||
| When you say him, you mean Kanye West, of course. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Most people don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeezy is who I was talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck, man? | |
| Yeezus. | ||
| How scary that must be. | ||
| Someone robbing you for... | ||
| Imagine having $9 million of jewelry on you, too. | ||
| Yeah, that you flew internationally with. | ||
| Yeah, you have a dope house on you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a dope house. | ||
| And you're flossing it everywhere you go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nine million. | ||
| The amount of money they make. | ||
| I read something about her app, the amount of money that she makes off some app. | ||
| It's absurd. | ||
| It's like $50 million a month or something. | ||
| It's something crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| $50 or $80 million a year is what I saw. | ||
| Well, I might have made up some numbers. | ||
| Yeah, but that's still an outrageous amount of money. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| To play a game where you're like, I'm Kim, I'm buying a purse or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what we're talking about. | |
| Well, yeah, she got robbed. | ||
| Robbed at gunpoint in Paris. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Paris seems like a dangerous fuckin' spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Shit keeps going down in Paris. | ||
| Yeah, keeps going down. | ||
| Charlie Hebdo, then the nightclub shooting thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nice, France. | ||
| Like, France itself. | ||
| Nice, France was the truck that drove over all those people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's right. | ||
| Then KK got robbed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| KK. Mm-hmm. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| All right. | ||
| Imagine growing up a kid today. | ||
| These are your... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| These are your heroes? | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| Brought in $100 million since the launch. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I do think what she went through is absolutely terrifying. | ||
| That's got to be really, really horrible. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you want to predict what kind of guy Angelina Jolie hooks up with? | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| Long hair, wooden beads, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Probably does yoga, maybe in the Peace Corps. | ||
| He's going to be really poor and doesn't care about money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's more of an activist and doesn't even act. | ||
| But then she's going to dump him after he wants to act because once they're together for a while, he's going to get some offers to do some stuff. | ||
| She's going to want him to go to a basketball game. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it. | ||
| A couple of public appearances. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is really spot on. | ||
| I think you're really right here. | ||
| It's someone not in the public eye. | ||
| Yeah, I'm thinking... | ||
| Just an unknown guy. | ||
| Yeah, like an earthy kind of raw cotton shirt. | ||
| Vegan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He sews his own clothing, you know, that kind of thing. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a professional cuddler. | ||
| Did you know that there are people that are called cuddlists and they cuddle you for money? | ||
| He's that guy. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard of that, but I don't understand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can do it. | |
| Come here. | ||
| People get hard. | ||
| I know what happens. | ||
| You've got to deal with that. | ||
| You've got to refuse that bomb. | ||
| Liability. | ||
| There's just a lot of tickling and... | ||
| She does fluctuate, though. | ||
| So before Brad, wasn't she with Billy Bob Thornton? | ||
| And she used to carry his blood around in a vial on her neck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know how crazy she must be in bed? | |
| She might go weird again, because Brad seemed real normal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I might go weird again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, she could control that hot guy just the same way she could control Billy Bob. | ||
| She's like, I like this better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get the hot one. | ||
| Look at the two of them together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he had a beret. | ||
| I like the sunglasses. | ||
| It's not like it's night or anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Keep those on, Billy, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| She's eating butthole, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Everybody's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everybody she meets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how she greets you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She got Billy Bob tattooed on her arm, remember? | ||
| She was way into that guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's grabbing her tits right there in front of America. | ||
| Probably a whole lot of fun. | ||
| A whole lot of crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, next guy, Yogi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, probably wears flip-flops a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| But he's got to have some edge to him. | ||
| That's what's going to excite her, right? | ||
| He's got to have a little edge. | ||
| No, I think she's going to want to control the guy. | ||
| Plus, there's the kids. | ||
| There's a lot of kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got to be real into being step-daddy. | ||
| She's like, how do you feel about seven kids? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| I love it. | ||
| Or wouldn't it a crazier move be to never have a relationship again? | ||
| Just to dedicate herself to children from now on? | ||
| Just take care of kids? | ||
| That could be the move that she's going to do. | ||
| That might be the move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then she goes J-Lo style, just gets a bunch of little boys and just fucks them and kicks them out. | ||
| Get the fuck out of my house, bitch. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| Maybe that's the move. | ||
| If I divorce Tom, I might do that. | ||
| Why get married again? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| He's the love of my life. | ||
| This would be... | ||
| Wham song, Never Gonna Dance Again, just started playing in my head. | ||
| No, never gonna dance again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got no rhythm. | |
| Speculation's always fun. | ||
| Would you go for the young, you look pretty young things? | ||
| The PYTs? | ||
| No, she would go for big black guys. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Wait, wait, oh, me or Angelina? | ||
| No, I'm not into the black guys. | ||
| You would be. | ||
| After Tom, you'd know the one thing you'd really heard. | ||
| You'd be like, I heard that music for so many years, I want to give it a shot. | ||
| And then you'd try them, and then you would like it. | ||
| Wait, walk me through the logic, though. | ||
| Give me the backstory. | ||
| Well, that's what Tom was terrified of, is just a football player with a giant hog. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but I kind of fantasize about it, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's the poly part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's our thing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like I'm kind of in the room, and I'm like... | ||
| Go get it, get it, get it, man. | ||
| Would you want to be in the room in an invisible bubble where they couldn't hear you and you could just yell out and you could just jerk off freely? | ||
| Or would you want them to know you were there and just kind of whimper a little bit? | ||
| I kind of fantasize about the invisible part would be cool, but also if I'm like... | ||
| Yeah, Trey! | ||
| Like, kind of behind him, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, shut up, white boy! | |
| Like, he talks some shit, and I'm like, all right, sorry. | ||
| He's like, does he make you suck his dick? | ||
| Because sometimes they do. | ||
| Sometimes they make the guy, get over here, motherfucker, suck my dick. | ||
| I don't want to suck his dick. | ||
| And then they go back to fucking the girl. | ||
| But I want... | ||
| Cuck holding? | ||
| Is that what this is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's extreme cuck holding. | ||
| With a racial bias. | ||
| I want to do that. | ||
| I want to walk up behind, like when he's done, and you're like, oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And eat his ass? | |
| No. | ||
| And he shakes it off. | ||
| He's like, ugh, like that. | ||
| And he's like, I go, oh, I guess it's my turn. | ||
| And then he's like, nah, hold on. | ||
| And then he's like, yo, Kwan! | ||
| And then like six guys come in. | ||
| He's like, they gotta go first. | ||
| And then like But then what's the tagline? | ||
| You know how they need a funny line to wrap up the scene? | ||
| I love how you're shaking a paintbrush and dry. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think that move's getting more popular. | ||
| That's the equivalent of dropping a mic in porn now. | ||
| But then he's like, and I took your wife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the seal to the button to the scene? | |
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| That's what they call black magic. | ||
| Who's that painter that does that? | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jackson Pollock? | |
| No, Jackson Pollock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bob Ross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, Jackson Pollock's the guy that throws the paint all over the place. | ||
| That's what it would be. | ||
| That's what he's closing in line. | ||
| It's the Jackson Pollock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he'd be like, that's my Jackson Pollock. | ||
| That's the line. | ||
| Flop. | ||
| They all do it. | ||
| Flop. | ||
| And some dudes have a yellow color. | ||
| Whose color is yellow? | ||
| Not mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Not mine. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| No, he drops like that. | ||
| He goes, they can put that in the getty. | ||
| And then he walks out of the... | ||
| You nailed it. | ||
| That's the line. | ||
| They definitely could put it in LACMA. That's right. | ||
| It's probably already in there. | ||
| You know, we saw the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Getty. | ||
| See Piss Christ? | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| No, but I like the way you said it. | ||
| The definitive Mapplethorpe work was Piss Christ. | ||
| Or guys getting fisted and assholes and cocks. | ||
| None of that was on the walls. | ||
| And I was so upset. | ||
| Yeah, some nice portraits, maybe one dick. | ||
| I saw the exhibit when I was living in Boston. | ||
| That's Piss Christ. | ||
| He had a crucifix dunked in a bucket of piss. | ||
| Or like a jar. | ||
| Piss Christ. | ||
| Or a glass jar of piss. | ||
| Yeah, and it became a huge thing in the 80s. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because people felt like it was blasphemous and the religious people were super upset. | ||
| Because I might be wrong, but I feel like he might have gotten some public funding for his art. | ||
| For Piss Christ? | ||
| I feel like he might have gotten grants or something for his art. | ||
| Guys, we're in the wrong business. | ||
| It'd be fun to see my parents have an aneurysm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We could show them that, see their heads implode. | |
| Well, you've got to understand, this was pre-internet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I went to his exhibit in like 80, I want to say 80, 80, 89? | ||
| Boston? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to say it might have been earlier. | ||
| It might have been in 87. It might have been before I did stand-up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay, he did. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| From the taxpayer-funded National Endowment for the Arcs, he received $15,000 for the work and $5,000 in 1986 for Piss Christ. | ||
| This is a different guy, though. | ||
| Mapplethorpe's the gay dude. | ||
| Oh, this is Serrano's Piss Christ. | ||
| Oh, you got Serrano, dude. | ||
| Yeah, Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ. | ||
| Guys, there's so many Piss Christ. | ||
| There's multiple ones? | ||
| Maybe it's Serrano's Piss Christ? | ||
| Is it Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ? | ||
| Is that the same guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Does it involve balls and cocks and... | ||
| Am I wrong here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buttholes? | |
| Why do I feel like I'm... | ||
| I feel like that was who made it. | ||
| It was Mapplethorpe Piss Christ. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Piss Christ. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Maybe I conflagulated. | ||
| Did I? Oh. | ||
| Did Mapplethorpe have one too or did I make it up? | ||
| Did he take a picture of it? | ||
| He could have. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| We'll find out here. | ||
| He was a furtographer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Furtographs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Furtographs. | ||
| A Brief History of Piss Christ. | ||
| Does Mapplethorpe have to do with it? | ||
| Anything with it? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| It's in there? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's Mapplethorpe. | ||
| Oh, it's just that he was also granted money, it looks like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Right? | ||
| A punishment for its role in supporting the work of an artist. | ||
| The NEA saw its funding for the next year cut by $45,000 because of that. | ||
| Okay, here it goes. | ||
| Okay, so he didn't do it. | ||
| It was somebody else. | ||
| It was Serrano. | ||
| So Mapplethorpe was just all the fists and buttholes and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it really was upsetting that they wouldn't show that stuff. | ||
| Like, that's what the guy's known for. | ||
| Don't give me this. | ||
| We're looking at Patti Smith portraits the whole time. | ||
| But he did that too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Why do we have such a hard time with sex? | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Like, that kind of stuff. | ||
| But not a hard time with violence. | ||
| Like, we were talking about narcos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So violent. | ||
| So crazy violent. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And it's a lot of sex in that show, too. | ||
| But we're so... | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Like, we don't have nearly as much... | ||
| I don't want to give away any spoiler alerts, but there's a scene where a kid gets shot. | ||
| I don't want to say when it happens, but when it happens, it's so graphic. | ||
| I was thinking, that is so crazy that they can show that kind of violence, like violence an adult against a kid, but you could never show actual sex. | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you remember that Vince Gallo movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, Brown Bunny? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Where Chloe Sevigny blows him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sevigny. | |
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| That's not the movie it's in, though, right? | ||
| Brown Bunny. | ||
| It's Brown Bunny? | ||
| Sure is. | ||
| She blows him and he comes in her face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a neat role. | ||
| She said that really, really fucked up her career. | ||
| It should. | ||
| Yeah, it's not a smart move. | ||
| Well, what does he think? | ||
| I mean, I guess he was making the same argument, right? | ||
| He was making the argument, like, why is it okay to have violence? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why is it okay to have all these aspects of people kissing and grabbing each other's asses, but you can't have actual sex. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He also just wanted a blowjob, probably, too. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I don't know if he... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But why do you have to look at it that way? | ||
| But then the irony, too, is on mainstream television shows, it's all TNA. You know, like, okay, I watched Glee, I told you, on Netflix. | ||
| And that's really just eye candy. | ||
| It's a bunch of high school girl cheerleader outfits, you know? | ||
| How about Fox News? | ||
| Right! | ||
| How about what they're doing with their legs? | ||
| The pageants. | ||
| They're all just slicked up and shaved down and scissoring and crossing the legs. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Imagine if men could read the news in a tank top. | ||
| If you could be in a tank top in bikini underwear just reading the news. | ||
| Just shredded, shaved down, oiled up. | ||
| Such a great world. | ||
| Your lips done. | ||
| Big fucking pirate hoop earrings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just letting people know. | ||
| I mean, look, Tom watches these ESPN four-hour after-football shows. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| You know, fucking sports sesh or whatever. | ||
| And these guys that are working on these shows, they're fucking basset hounds, man. | ||
| They're mostly older, unattractive. | ||
| There's no way a woman would be able to get away with looking like shit on TV the way these dudes do. | ||
| But they're football experts, right? | ||
| Right, that's true. | ||
| So, I mean, okay, but there's no attractive ones. | ||
| But it's not the news. | ||
| But it's a TV show. | ||
| On news, though, the standards, it's true that for men... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Way different. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's some real fucking dogs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The women can't... | ||
| They either have to be really old, like Barbara Walters, like a stateswoman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But what's interesting is, like... | ||
| You have these really ridiculously hot women and they're reading the news, but they don't have to know shit about the news. | ||
| They just have to read off a teleprompter. | ||
| The reason why the comparison with the football guys doesn't work is because football is one of those things like, I don't know shit about football, but there's some dudes who know everything about football. | ||
| And they can recall games from the 1960s and the play that was used to win Super Bowl 44. Those fucking guys... | ||
| Actually, too, they do what you do, in that they can look at a play that took seven seconds and tell you everything that happened, the same way you can tell, you know, how a guy got beat, like, and you go, well, his arm dropped there, that guy saw an opportunity. | ||
| You see that fast? | ||
| These guys go, they watch the play and right away they go, well what happened was that linebacker, he got tricked into thinking, he bit for the fake. | ||
| So he came up, it opened up this guy to run across the middle. | ||
| Like they do that in two seconds. | ||
| But they should be hot, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right, they should be hot. | ||
| Why can't they be hot? | ||
| The thing is, look at 60 Minutes. | ||
| That fucking, the guy was practically dead. | ||
| Is he dead now? | ||
| He is dead, yes. | ||
| But they let him on TV. Morley Safer. | ||
| I thought he was Andy Rooney. | ||
| He's definitely dead. | ||
| He's dead, too. | ||
| He couldn't even talk. | ||
| Back towards the end of his life, and they're letting that guy on TV, and they're complaining that Barbara Walters is too old? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| This guy can barely get through a fucking sentence. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he was definitely old and not camera ready, as they would say. | ||
| Diane Sawyer, she's still hanging in there, right? | ||
| Diane Sawyer's still strong, but that's like another stateswoman. | ||
| A woman who's established, respected, very smart. | ||
| She's not fuckable. | ||
| As long as she's of the age where she's unviable. | ||
| She was, though. | ||
| She was a hot chick. | ||
| She was beautiful, like, back in the day. | ||
| But she never did, like, Megyn Kelly stuff. | ||
| Like, you ever see Megyn Kelly from Fox's sexy photo shoots and stuff? | ||
| Oh, did she do photo shoots? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know why. | |
| But I think... | ||
| Is it Sawyer or one of... | ||
| Leslie Stahl? | ||
| Leslie Stahl or Sawyer? | ||
| Shirt's hanging off the shoulder. | ||
| I wish you would do a photo spread, Joe. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Look at her ass out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Why do you do this? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because she's hot as fuck. | ||
| She's hot as the sun. | ||
| Go to the full body one up there. | ||
| Up left. | ||
| Left, left, left. | ||
| She's a newscaster? | ||
| She's hot as the sun. | ||
| That's why she's doing that. | ||
| Because every guy's like, I'm a Republican! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I give up! | |
| I give up! | ||
| Touch me, please! | ||
| Not even today. | ||
| I mean, one day. | ||
| She had a real fun Trump battle. | ||
| Yeah, but she gave in. | ||
| She gave in. | ||
| Did she give in? | ||
| Yeah, she had a meeting. | ||
| Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| The lingerie one's not real, is it? | ||
| Don't even click on it. | ||
| Don't get my hopes up. | ||
| Yeah, she gave in and sat down with them and was like, they had like a friendly conversation and she was like really... | ||
| Forgiving? | ||
| Well, not just forgiving, but, like, she backed off, like, a lot. | ||
| Like, she backed up, and it was just... | ||
| I mean, I get it. | ||
| It's your job, you know, if you want to be the conservative person. | ||
| I mean, he's a conservative icon, right? | ||
| I mean, he's in that... | ||
| Is that her? | ||
| No, that's not her. | ||
| Who was that? | ||
| I can see her nip-nip. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| That might be another one of them. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| That's not her, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think. | ||
| Unless it was her when she was younger. | ||
| A nice young lady, that's not her. | ||
| It might be her. | ||
| That might be her when she was younger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Might be. | ||
| It's entirely possible. | ||
| But yeah, guys don't do that. | ||
| What fucking Fox News anchor is going to have his shirt off, shaved down, and laying back sensual with his mouth open, with a strawberry in his mouth? | ||
| You know Anderson wants to, though. | ||
| I wish he would. | ||
| See, and here's the thing. | ||
| And you can say that, and that makes sense, but I'm supposed to be down with the women's movement that says that that's an expression. | ||
| That's her expression of her letter. | ||
| And it is, yes. | ||
| But again, if you're a professional newscaster, is that really what you want to be presenting to the world? | ||
| Well, the thing is, it didn't exist. | ||
| What, a hot newscaster? | ||
| Before Fox! | ||
| Yeah, well they figured out they can get ratings, yeah. | ||
| They could get men to pay attention! | ||
| Words, words, words. | ||
| Here's the thing about men. | ||
| They crush the ratings, too. | ||
| Men that are really into politics are almost entirely unfuckable. | ||
| That's why they get really into politics. | ||
| Usually they're married, and they're like, I'm giving up, and they round out, and their fucking chin starts dropping, and they remember the good old days, and they watch that Fox News, and they see these... | ||
| They're so hot. | ||
| Their wife's yelling at them and shit. | ||
| And they get boners. | ||
| Ice queens on Fox News. | ||
| Those are the women of Fox. | ||
| Yeah, that's funny. | ||
| They're all the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so funny. | |
| Actually, if you go to that image on the bottom left there, those have all been women that have done news on Fox. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty funny. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| They're robots. | ||
| It's a robot. | ||
| It's a real doll factory. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| They're all just super hot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I get it. | ||
| Look, it's a smart move. | ||
| Makes total sense. | ||
| They crush the ratings, man. | ||
| I don't know if they do anymore. | ||
| Really? | ||
| As far as the cable news outlets? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think they dominate. | ||
| I feel like Sumner, I just read recently, that they weren't doing so well anymore. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think cable news is doing so well anymore. | ||
| Well, maybe in the grand scheme of things, but within the cable news competition, I think they dominate. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Jamie, who dominates cable news? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Cable ratings. | ||
| Fox beats CNN and MSNBC combined. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Damn, son. | ||
| The hot chick method, guys. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| Maybe I should be wearing lingerie during your mom's house. | ||
| I wonder if that goes up or down, depending on who's president. | ||
| Like, I wonder if when you have a Republican president, CNN gets a bump. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because people are pissed. | ||
| Yeah, that is probably how it works. | ||
| Because people, Fox News thrives on every Obama story for sure, you know? | ||
| But does CNN go deep too? | ||
| Do they go with the scantily clad beautiful ladies as well? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I watch CNN. No, they have pretty ladies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're pretty, but it's not like that. | ||
| And they have more diversity. | ||
| They have a couple of basset hounds too, but they have like... | ||
| I have a couple of cuties. | ||
| Well, we don't have to go over each one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the thing that's odd about it is that it never existed before. | ||
| And then once they figured that formula, they're like, oh, we got this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what we do now. | ||
| It's like the ladies in football. | ||
| They're reporting from the ground or whatever they always call it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Super hot. | ||
| They're like, hey guys, I'm playing a football game. | ||
| And I'm one of the guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| I like that. | ||
| Like, I'm one of the guys. | ||
| There's some really good ones, though. | ||
| There's some really good reporters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Female reporters, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There is an MMA, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gender traders, guys. | ||
| Andrew Kramer's great. | ||
| Gender traders. | ||
| Trying to think. | ||
| There's a few really good ones. | ||
| The hot thing was when, what's her name, Erin Andrews. | ||
| Look where it got her. | ||
| They peeped her. | ||
| Yeah, they peeped her. | ||
| Those fucking creeps. | ||
| They cut a hole in her fucking hotel room. | ||
| Some dude stalked her and recorded her. | ||
| It's so fucking gross. | ||
| Fucked up. | ||
| Really fucked up. | ||
| God, it sucks being a woman. | ||
| She knows her shit, though. | ||
| She doesn't know. | ||
| She knows her sport? | ||
| Yeah, she knows football. | ||
| It is funny, though, because, not football, but if you think about politics, when I said the most guys that are into politics are unfuckable, what I mean by that, honestly, is what they're usually like guys who are married and have families and have their dads, and they worry about their income, they worry about where their money's going. | ||
| It's not like a giant subject of the young single man. | ||
| No. | ||
| Until Trump came along. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Trump It was like one of the first ones where I noticed like a lot of like young single guys that were really into it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| What happened there? | ||
| Maybe they grew up with him. | ||
| Name recognition. | ||
| He's on that reality show. | ||
| No, I'm serious. | ||
| He's on TV. That guy's a reality star. | ||
| I think it's just that he was so outside of the political speak. | ||
| He was like, this is ridiculous! | ||
| Shit keeps happening, we gotta fucking do something about it. | ||
| No fat chicks allowed. | ||
| Do you see him mock her falling down? | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It is pretty hilarious. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he even insinuated that she probably wasn't faithful either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| He's just swinging. | ||
| He goes for it. | ||
| That's why he's got the fans. | ||
| Trump imitates Hillary Clinton for stumbling at 9-1 Memorial, questions her loyalty to Bill. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's the apocalypse. | ||
| But look at the people behind him, clapping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Actually, they're holding up cameras. | ||
| That's a strange thing, man. | ||
| The device age. | ||
| Everyone with a device in their hand. | ||
| If you look back at photos from the 1950s or 60s, watch the Nixon debates with Kennedy, and you look into the audience, people are standing there. | ||
| You see these people now. | ||
| Everyone has a device. | ||
| Everyone's capturing in their own device. | ||
| I was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I saw when he said that. | ||
| He said that outrageous thing. | ||
| But then you're going to back up that video you took on a hard drive, right, to preserve it for the rest of your life. | ||
| Like, no, you're just going to delete that video. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You're going to send it. | ||
| Send it to everyone. | ||
| CNN. Yeah. | ||
| You need to see this. | ||
| CNN needs to see video from the source. | ||
| Like, no one knows. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Like, some Black Lives Matter people might rush the stage and try to take him out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Remember that happened? | ||
| There's a bunch of people who are screaming and yelling at one of his rallies. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| People got it on. | ||
| I think. | ||
| On video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's been so many altercations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's why they're doing it, I got it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| To see anarchy. | ||
| Yeah, not a lot of people look without holding something up anymore. | ||
| What the fuck do you think happens next? | ||
| That's what we were getting at earlier. | ||
| Like, after these two. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what do you got left? | ||
| Oof. | ||
| This is the deep end we're in right now. | ||
| This is the deepest deep end ever. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Right? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| The only good out of it, and I'm not being patronizing, but the only good out of it, honestly, is we get to see a woman be president. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's like, if she was a man, she would be thought of as someone deeply entrenched in the system that's been proven to be full of shit, has been proven to be... | ||
| Corruption. | ||
| Corruption. | ||
| Capitalizing on their position to make ridiculous amounts of money. | ||
| There's so much going on there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything that you basically criticize about politicians, she would fit the bill for that. | ||
| I know, you guys. | ||
| The next president's going to be non-binary. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Well, I mean, we got the black guy. | ||
| We had Obama. | ||
| Now it's the woman's turn. | ||
| Did you see pansexual? | ||
| Have you seen pansexual yet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Some woman came out as pansexual. | ||
| She was the first politician to come out as pansexual. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| Next is the pansexual president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| It could be like a gender thing. | ||
| It could be a trans president. | ||
| I forget pansexual. | ||
| It means all, right? | ||
| All sex? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All? | |
| She fucks the whole house. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Mary Gonzalez, Texas state representative, identifies as pansexual in new interview. | ||
| Can we get a look at her? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| She went with the gender binary. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| Though many might describe Gonzalez's orientation as bisexual, pansexuals don't believe in a gender binary and hence can be attracted to all gender identities. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| There you go, that's the next press. | ||
| Let's get a look at Mary Gonzalez. | ||
| Nope, let's not. | ||
| No? | ||
| Nope, no pictures. | ||
| No pictures? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You don't want to see what she looks like? | ||
| We shouldn't even say her name. | ||
| We should just call her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She? | |
| Z. We don't know. | ||
| We don't know what to call they. | ||
| It just, if you could get someone from the 1960s and show them the world that we live in today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the things that people are upset about and the restroom issues. | ||
| I feel like I'm that person. | ||
| Like, I feel like I'm 40 years old and the world is so different than the world I grew up in in the 1980s. | ||
| I feel like I'm that old person. | ||
| That's like, I don't get it. | ||
| I don't get any of this. | ||
| You know what the difference is? | ||
| What? | ||
| In this age, this is the first time where people who are sensitive and open-minded and progressive are going, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Yeah, it's absurdity now. | ||
| It's gone so far... | ||
| That people who are 100% pro gay marriage, 100% pro racial equality, 100% pro gender equality, all across the board, check off the things. | ||
| As long as you're not hurting anybody, I'm 100% in you doing whatever you want to do. | ||
| But it's gone so far that there's just so much nonsense. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's homelessness, joblessness, like all the real issues, war, asteroids, cancer, all the shit that's been around, the human plagues, and that's not being resolved. | ||
| North Korea has nukes. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But guys, we can all use the same bathroom. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We saw that one. | ||
| It's really important. | ||
| They're close to nukes, right? | ||
| Do they have nukes? | ||
| No, they have nukes. | ||
| Just detonated one. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| It registered as like an earthquake or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They fucking detonated a nuke. | ||
| They can do nukes. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Homeboy's got some swag. | ||
| How long before they kill him? | ||
| How are they going to kill him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Someone's going to kill him, right? | ||
| That mentality doesn't... | ||
| Does it exist over there? | ||
| Rebellion? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think it does. | |
| I don't think somebody else does it. | ||
| But the question is... | ||
| They kill you. | ||
| He'll kill you. | ||
| If there's even a murmur. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Kill his uncle. | ||
| Kill his uncle right away. | ||
| He killed his uncle and his uncle's sons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he killed his nephews. | ||
| There's no uprising. | ||
| His cousins. | ||
| Cousins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you don't fuck around, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| How crazy is that? | ||
| I mean, that's today. | ||
| I mean, that he's got a whole country like that gripped. | ||
| But the thing about a guy like that is if you kill them, what happens next? | ||
| Like, how do you get those people? | ||
| Like, they are so programmed. | ||
| Well, that's the best part. | ||
| See, we go there and we open up an Olive Garden and we show them Coca-Cola, McDonald's, and we get to rebuild North Korea. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I think we let the South Koreans figure it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just take one in to each house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Separate them from their family. | ||
| North Korea is... | ||
| Take them in like a dog. | ||
| Fucked, man. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take them in like someone's got to train someone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you're from another country. | ||
| Oh, to whatever. | ||
| Deprogram them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like a cult. | ||
| Train them like a puppy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You realize that you could be 40 in North Korea, come into, you know, sneak into China or something, and you don't know anything in this whole world. | ||
| You're like a 40-year-old infant, basically. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You don't know the rest of the world. | ||
| You don't know anything about nothing. | ||
| But I'm saying then why don't we colonize them like we did the Middle East, like Iraq. | ||
| Because they're so volatile. | ||
| Because they have weapons and they're right next to South Korea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like we really like South Korea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They make Samsung. | ||
| First on CNN, North Korea may be planning October Surprise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What is that? | ||
| Is that today? | ||
| Oh Jesus. | ||
| God. | ||
| What is October Surprise? | ||
| Like to fuck with our elections? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I mean, it's so strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know what also disturbs me? | ||
| It's like, we're so calm about all the conflict in the rest of the world, because there's not really that much over here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So we kind of minimize it, and we concentrate on some other nonsense, and we, you know, fill our face with sugar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The rest of the world is embroiled in all these battles like India and Pakistan are right next to each other and they fucking hate each other and Russia's invading the Ukraine and there's all this crazy shit that's going on with them and then this Putin's almost getting assassinated and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we're like, do I want a latte? | ||
| China! | ||
| Brett Angelino broke up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's good we're isolated geographically too a little bit. | ||
| Australia. | ||
| Mexico, Canada. | ||
| Yeah, that's isolated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Australia's the move. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta learn how to talk different though. | ||
| I'm driving the other side of the road. | ||
| That's really hard. | ||
| Yeah, they need to fix that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In order for us to colonize? | ||
| Yeah, why are you guys on that side? | ||
| It is counter... | ||
| Is there a reason for that? | ||
| I mean, a logical reason that we don't see as Americans, like the metric system? | ||
| Well, they got it from England. | ||
| England had it because England is so fucking old that back in the day they used to ride horses and when you would be like riding, you would want people that were opposing you on your right hand side so you could hack at them with your sword. | ||
| How the fuck did you know that? | ||
| That was really impressive. | ||
| It's not that impressive. | ||
| It's like you just know that one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because most people were right-handed? | ||
| Yeah, they're right-handed. | ||
| So you'd want to be on the left-hand side so you could chop someone's fucking head off with a sword. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's really good. | |
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, makes sense. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Over here, we grew up. | ||
| We realized, yeah, you could just shoot someone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd have to chop away with a fucking sword, you dummy. | ||
| So we're back on the right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they were like pre-arrows. | ||
| They figured that out. | ||
| That's pretty nuts. | ||
| They hadn't even figured out arrows yet. | ||
| They just had long, sharp things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They hadn't figured out that you could throw things through the air yet. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Back in the jousting days? | ||
| How about catapults? | ||
| Oh, those are neat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A giant rock. | ||
| You just pull it back and just launch it at people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, we watched some documentary on Saudi Arabia, you know, where they still crucify people. | ||
| Have you seen that one on Netflix? | ||
| What's it called, James? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's called Saudi Arabia. | ||
| Yeah, I think it is. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked up. | ||
| Is it brutal? | ||
| But they take cameras in and they show you what's up. | ||
| And people getting crucified. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You saw it? | |
| Yeah, we watched it. | ||
| They show you some stuff. | ||
| But you saw the people getting crucified? | ||
| Yeah, they hang them up. | ||
| Yeah, you see... | ||
| They censor stuff, but a guy is about to get decapitated and they blur. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| You know, a guy with a sword just chops his fucking head off. | ||
| Isn't that... | ||
| It's weird that we're like... | ||
| There's certain parts of those images we don't want people to see because we know they're too disturbing. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you ever see those ISIS videos that they don't catch on YouTube and they'll be up for like a couple days before someone catches it and they're going down? | ||
| I haven't looked in a while, man. | ||
| I don't like seeing it. | ||
| I don't like seeing the real decapitations and murders. | ||
| That's fucking disturbing as shit to me. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Yeah, I saw it a few years ago. | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| So horrible. | ||
| Guy did it with a small knife. | ||
| Cut this guy's head off with a small knife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, oh. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that stays in your head, you know? | ||
| That's why I don't like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's why they want to do it in the first place. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just what a strange thing we are, people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Drawing and quartering. | ||
| Did you ever hear? | ||
| I mean, you know, it goes into that one. | ||
| That's kind of creepy, too. | ||
| We're so fucking mean. | ||
| It's where they tie your arms and your legs, right? | ||
| They tie them to a horse. | ||
| One horse per limb. | ||
| And don't they cut your intestines? | ||
| They cut your stomach so your intestines are open. | ||
| And then they send the horses off in all directions. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| And then you get ripped limb by limb, and your intestines get cut out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Yeah, and there's a guy in the middle with an axe or a big sword just cutting you open while the horses pull you. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| And this is how they would publicly kill people. | ||
| This is a criminal, so they're showing the masses, this is going to happen to you if you steal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was this thing I was listening to the other day about the Inquisition. | ||
| It was fascinating, man. | ||
| And it was talking about how everything had gotten so crazy that they would, through any means, they would try to elicit a confession out of you. | ||
| That you had done something that was blasphemous or done something against the Lord. | ||
| And they could torture you in order to do that. | ||
| They could torture you in order to get that confession out of you. | ||
| And they just started torturing people. | ||
| Everybody was guilty, and they were just killing people like crazy. | ||
| And just listening to the accounts of how it all went wrong and how they started doing this was like, wow. | ||
| Like you could see, we want to think that in today's day and age, That this could never happen. | ||
| We're past that. | ||
| We have too much information. | ||
| We're too evolved. | ||
| Our culture and our civilizations move far too fast. | ||
| But there's spots on Earth where it hasn't. | ||
| Like North Korea. | ||
| There's spots on Earth where it hasn't moved past that. | ||
| Like Saudi Arabia, what you're talking about. | ||
| Well, we still punish people. | ||
| We still kill people. | ||
| We just do it behind closed doors in the United States. | ||
| More dignified. | ||
| We're still murdering. | ||
| And if you've robbed somebody, we make you a slave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're a slave now. | ||
| Right, it's just dignified because it's in a building that's clean, and we don't see it. | ||
| You don't have to see it, so it doesn't exist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's still horrific, though. | ||
| We're as savages. | ||
| We like to think, because we can send a video through the sky, and it arrives on your phone from 50 miles away, we like to think that we're way more advanced than we really are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're so close to monkeys. | ||
| We're so goddamn close. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And you know, we're on the verge of death all the time. | ||
| I had this girl write to me. | ||
| She works all these jobs around the country, around the world to make money, job to job. | ||
| And she goes, I worked in, what is it, Yellowstone National Park. | ||
| She goes, yeah, yesterday somebody fell into a geyser and just disintegrated. | ||
| Another person just fell off a cliff. | ||
| They died. | ||
| She goes, life is so fragile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That guy got drunk, though, and went a hundred yards off the trail and slipped into one of those puddles. | ||
| And they were like, dude, there ain't nothing left. | ||
| Like, that's lava and boiling water. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Think about how close that dude was to dying today, the guy with the bear. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and people are like, we have to save the bears. | ||
| It's really important. | ||
| We keep them around to kill more people. | ||
| Maybe he shouldn't have been around a bear and his babies. | ||
| Mama bear protects her babies. | ||
| Is there a bear problem? | ||
| Do we have a big bear problem? | ||
| There's an issue with grizzly bears in the greater Yellowstone ecosystem that a lot of people think that there are too many bears and they want them declassified. | ||
| The environmentalists disagree and they say that the bears were brought to the brink of extinction and only through diligent work have they been brought back to the position where they're at now where they're thriving. | ||
| The problem is it's super hard to accurately estimate how many bears there are. | ||
| But you see a lot of them. | ||
| And the people that are out there all the time, the hikers, the sportsmen, meaning the hunters and the fishermen, they see a lot of them. | ||
| And they're seeing more of them than ever before. | ||
| And they're seeing actually less black bears and more grizzly bears. | ||
| Which is, it used to be the opposite. | ||
| It's a crazy animal, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And brown bears are like the real motherfuckers, right? | ||
| Aren't they even bigger? | ||
| They're super aggressive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're super, super, super aggressive. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes they don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, there's this area, it's a really fascinating spot, where there's this river that runs through Alaska, and it's an incredibly common place to see grizzly bears. | ||
| To the point where there's a video of it, where there's like... | ||
| Jamie, how many bears were in it? | ||
| Like 15 bears? | ||
| There's like 15 grizzly bears in this one area because there's so many salmon. | ||
| So much salmon. | ||
| And these people are standing around filming these grizzly bears because there's so much food for the bears, the bears never kill people. | ||
| And it's like one of the safest places to observe bears. | ||
| In Alaska. | ||
| Yeah, they've never had a fatal incident there. | ||
| Bears wander up to people. | ||
| There's one video of this bear. | ||
| This guy's sitting there in a lawn chair looking over at all these... | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| The guy's looking over at all these bears eating fish, and he's sitting in a lawn chair, and this fucking bear walks up to him. | ||
| It is a tanker. | ||
| I mean, it's gigantic, and it just wanders up, and it's so full, and it's just been eating salmon that it's not a threat at all. | ||
| It doesn't want to hurt anything. | ||
| It just lays down. | ||
| They're not like... | ||
| Some animals will fuck you up just for fun. | ||
| Some wolves will fuck up elk and things like that just for fun. | ||
| They call it surplus killing or thrill killing. | ||
| Look at this video. | ||
| Go full screen on this. | ||
| This guy's sitting here. | ||
| Look at this thing. | ||
| This thing just walks up to him. | ||
| I mean, that's his lawn chair, dude. | ||
| I mean, to show you how close the guy is, you'll see it, because the bear moves towards him, then he has to start talking to it. | ||
| But this thing is huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it's a thousand pounds. | ||
| It's enormous. | ||
| The size of its fucking head. | ||
| But watch when it gets close to him. | ||
| That's when you realize how big it actually is. | ||
| And the guy has to actually talk to this thing. | ||
| To let him know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| Here it comes right here. | ||
| And this is a river, and that river right there is just overwhelmed. | ||
| At the end of the video, you get to see... | ||
| What's the name of this video, Jeremy? | ||
| Bear sits next to Guy. | ||
| Bear sits next to Guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| You can look up Brooks Falls in Alaska and see it. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| See pictures and stuff. | ||
| It just sits down! | ||
| And it gets up. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| If you go a little further on, it gets up and the guy has to tell it, yeah, there he goes. | ||
| The guy has to tell it to fuck off because it gets too close to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it looks at him and they start, look at this. | ||
| That's a big motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He says, hey, hey, and it wanders off. | ||
| But now, watch when he turns towards the river. | ||
| Now look at this. | ||
| Look at all the bears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at all the fucking bears. | |
| I wish you would have kept the camera on that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Try to pause it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Pause it when it goes a little bit further. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| That guy is crazy. | ||
| Well, he's a photographer. | ||
| You see his gear there. | ||
| So this is the spot where everybody goes to take pictures of these bears because there's so much salmon, that's all they eat. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| I guess when bears get into one kind of food, like they say the bears are also, they're safe to be around when there's a lot of berries. | ||
| Because they just say, oh, I'm just eating berries. | ||
| Right, they're not into you. | ||
| Well, they're real omnivores. | ||
| Like, they're not necessarily carnivores. | ||
| They'll just snack on yummy food. | ||
| And if you're the yummy food, then that's your ass. | ||
| So they eat plants as omnivore. | ||
| That must be a ton of plants to sustain a thousand pound body. | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| Holy moly. | ||
| I mean, they're a cleanup crew. | ||
| They're the cleanup crew for the woods. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah, if anything dies, they'll fight off wolves. | ||
| Wolves will kill an elk or something like that. | ||
| And the bear will be like, yeah, thanks, dude. | ||
| I'll just take that shit. | ||
| They just wander up to the carcass and just start eating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tough shit, wolf. | ||
| They can't do a goddamn thing. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Because it's like a ten times the size wolf. | ||
| I mean, that's really what a bear is like. | ||
| Nothing can take down a bear, right? | ||
| In nature? | ||
| No, humans. | ||
| It's the king. | ||
| Only humans. | ||
| I mean, when humans weren't... | ||
| They actually think there was a thing called the short-faced bear that dominated the Bering Strait so powerfully. | ||
| It was such a dangerous animal. | ||
| They think it might have prevented people from immigrating to North America by thousands of years because this thing was so dominant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That it is a huge, aggressive, grizzly bear-type creature that lived during the Ice Age. | ||
| And it was so dangerous that it kept people from... | ||
| This is speculation, but look at the size of the goddamn thing. | ||
| That's the short-faced bear. | ||
| Like, even bigger than a goddamn grizzly. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Like, look at that picture of that fake one right there. | ||
| Like, that's what it would have looked like. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's a death machine. | ||
| This is a short-faced bear, Tom. | ||
| This is a bear that went extinct that was way bigger than a grizzly. | ||
| I mean, it was so big. | ||
| It was like the Hulk if the Hulk was a bear. | ||
| So crazy, dude. | ||
| That used to be a real thing in North America. | ||
| And they think, Tom, I was saying, that they think that that thing... | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| It was bigger than a buffalo. | ||
| Those things would take out buffaloes. | ||
| They think that they were fearsome predators and they may have prevented people from emigrating to North America earlier. | ||
| What is that thing? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Diadone? | ||
| Diadone? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's a real thing? | ||
| What the hell was that? | ||
| Man. | ||
| Diadone. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Little teeth on that thing. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| I mean, it's kind of... | ||
| I'm so torn on these kind of things because I think it's cool that grizzly bears are alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's cool that you can go see them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But not if you're that dude that got fucked up today. | ||
| Short face. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You hunted a bear? | ||
| Yeah, black bears. | ||
| Black bears? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that like Wyoming, Montana? | ||
| They don't really eat brown bears. | ||
| Or you can, but most people don't because they eat a lot of carcasses. | ||
| So apparently they taste bad. | ||
| But black bears don't. | ||
| Black bears taste good. | ||
| They eat more plants. | ||
| They still eat carcasses. | ||
| They still kill things. | ||
| They do a lot of cannibalism. | ||
| That's the big issue with black bears. | ||
| A lot of cannibalism. | ||
| God, they're such animals. | ||
| They are. | ||
| No, I mean, you know, I don't mean that as like a corny joke, but yeah. | ||
| It's males killing babies. | ||
| Lions do that. | ||
| Yeah, but lions don't eat them. | ||
| They just kill them. | ||
| They kill them to keep them from growing up and becoming the male competitors. | ||
| But they don't think bears do that. | ||
| They think bears are doing it actually because they're hungry. | ||
| And also because they think it might be able to bring the women back into estrus. | ||
| That's speculation. | ||
| But yeah, there's polar bears. | ||
| They're 100% cannibals. | ||
| Especially the males. | ||
| Yeah, I watched them. | ||
| Well, their ecosystem is basically shrinking, right? | ||
| Yeah, supposedly. | ||
| But you know what they say? | ||
| I mean, it's hard to tell who's right, because the wildlife biologists and the people who measure bear numbers versus the people who are animal conservationists and animal rights activists, they disagree on how many polar bears there are and whether or not they're healthy populations. | ||
| Because I've read that there's more polar bears today than ever. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't make sense, right? | ||
| Doesn't. | ||
| That doesn't sound right. | ||
| No. | ||
| See if that's true, Jamie. | ||
| Poor Jamie. | ||
| This is the Jamie Google show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that time right? | ||
| Yeah, you guys gonna get out of there? | ||
| Yeah, we're gonna lose our nanny. | ||
| Oh, snap. | ||
| When is it? | ||
| It's 530. We've been going on forever. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| That flew by. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| We covered a lot of shit. | ||
| We jammed. | ||
| We covered everything. | ||
| I learned some things. | ||
| I learned about the guy who is the financial guy who doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Dan Pena. | ||
| What else did we learn? | ||
| We learned about our proper pronouns and how to use them. | ||
| We did. | ||
| We learned about that guy who has all the secrets, who fucks kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We did 15 months because he's the Speaker of the House. | ||
| Old Speaker Dennis Heston. | ||
| What else? | ||
| We learned about... | ||
| Well, bear talk. | ||
| I feel like we have to have a format to this show. | ||
| DJ Dadmouth. | ||
| Oh, me jerking off to the black guys fucking my wife. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was important. | ||
| Where are you guys at? | ||
| What's the next comedy dates you guys got going on? | ||
| Tom, I know you're killing it. | ||
| I know you sold out the Trocadero. | ||
| Three shows in a fucking row. | ||
| Yeah, we added a fourth. | ||
| In Philly? | ||
| Yeah, we added a fourth. | ||
| That's amazing, dude. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| That's so awesome. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I just added, I'm doing Ontario Thursday, and we sold it out, so we added another one there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| Damn! | ||
| And then I'm doing Cobbs coming up, and I'm doing Caroline's. | ||
| Dude, you're doing so many big theaters. | ||
| I start my theater tour in January, but it hasn't gone on sale yet. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| Really excited about it. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| When I met you, you'd only been doing comedy a few years, right? | ||
| I met you in 07, so I was five years in, yeah. | ||
| Was it 07 or was it 06? | ||
| I think it was 07. I'm pretty sure. | ||
| It was during the Max and Bud Light Real Men of Comedy. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| In Phoenix. | ||
| Oh my god, I remember that. | ||
| We met at the Hollywood Theater. | ||
| Celebrity Theater. | ||
| Yeah, Theater in the Round. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, that was awesome. | ||
| Yeah, it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just so cool now to see. | ||
| You're fucking killing it, man. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Those Netflix specials, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They really give you a bump. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| Well, also, you're really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Christina, we need to get one for you. | ||
| Trust me, it's in the making. | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| She's doing the model I did basically like a year or two ago where she's going out and doing one-nighters, which I think is... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So she did Helium Portland one night last week, sold out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Seattle one night. | ||
| Well, your podcast is so fucking funny. | ||
| You guys have one of the best podcasts ever. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| It's so fun to do, too. | ||
| I mean, I've only did it once, but it was just such a giggle fest. | ||
| Well, you have to come when we have our new studio. | ||
| Yeah, I'll be happy to. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I get asked about a lot, interviews and everything. | ||
| I always give credit to you because I remember you being like, why aren't you doing one? | ||
| And I was like, I don't know. | ||
| And then you saw her and you go, your wife is legitimately funny. | ||
| Don't you think you guys could just sit there and do one? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| And I told her, and she was like, I don't know. | ||
| And then now that's all we do. | ||
| It's just the two of us, you know, we play some clips, we talk about what's going on, and it's grown so much in the few, you know, we've been doing it now since the end of 2010 is when we started. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's been six years, man. | ||
| Like six years of that show. | ||
| Yeah, I'm at almost seven. | ||
| I'll be 7 in December. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I remember watching or reading something and I realized, I did one of your first 10. Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And we sat on a couch. | ||
| Yeah, in my office. | ||
| Ari Shaffir sold that couch. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I gave it to Ari. | ||
| We sat on the couch. | ||
| Maybe he gave it to somebody. | ||
| I think it was like an eBay thing and donation money, maybe? | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| I just keep remembering you telling me to sit up on the mic, because I was sitting back. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, there were couches, and our mic stand sucked, so you had to uncomfortably lean forward on a couch. | ||
| You're like, Tommy, talk in the mic. | ||
| I was like, Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't think we had headphones back then. | ||
| No. | ||
| Or if we did, we didn't. | ||
| Maybe we did. | ||
| I thought you were bananas, too, doing this thing. | ||
| Yeah, I remember, like, what's a podcast? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| How ridiculous. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| No headphones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Oh, look at Buncee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, you guys. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck possessed me to keep doing this. | ||
| Welcome to, uh... | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Fucking week 20 of the, uh, Ustream podcast. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Is this a later one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Week 20. Oh my gosh. | ||
| Hilarious, man. | ||
| If it weren't for you. | ||
| I never asked you that. | ||
| Did you do one or see one where you're like, I gotta do that? | ||
| It was a bunch of shit. | ||
| One of them was doing the Opie and Anthony show. | ||
| Because the Opie and Anthony show was just like a hangout. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It didn't have a formula to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It didn't have a format, necessarily. | ||
| You would come in, and a bunch of comics would come in, and they all just start talking. | ||
| And it would be hilarious. | ||
| It would be a bunch of people that knew everybody, and we'd all sit around and just joke around. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| It was a fun hang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then Anthony Cumia started doing this thing called Live from the Compound, where he put up a green screen in his basement, and he had a whole professional desk and professional cameras, and he's just a maniac. | ||
| And he would do karaoke, holding a machine gun, and he would have a background. | ||
| The background would be like Manhattan. | ||
| He would change the background. | ||
| And I was like, that would be an amazing thing to have. | ||
| And so when he was doing Live from the Compound, he was doing it on one of those streaming services. | ||
| So then we started doing the thing, me and Red Band, on Ustream. | ||
| Just, I started one day, well we started doing it on, we do it in green rooms first. | ||
| It was even pre-YouTube, or pre-Ustream. | ||
| Like we did it in Cobbs. | ||
| Remember we did it in Cobbs and Joey yelled at us and told us to shut it off? | ||
| Shut that fucking thing off! | ||
| You got your blackberries and your blueberries. | ||
| He didn't even have a phone back then. | ||
| Yeah, he told us to shut it off, and that's how it started. | ||
| We just started doing it that way, and then it was fun, so we started doing it every week, and then somewhere along the line, I just realized it was this way that I could have these crazy conversations with all these interesting people, and I could get them. | ||
| Once they realized there was a certain number of people that were listening, I could get people to come in and sit down and talk to me. | ||
| Do you remember... | ||
| Like early, early, first five, what kind of... | ||
| How many people were listening to something like your show? | ||
| I never looked. | ||
| You never looked? | ||
| No. | ||
| You just put it up and go. | ||
| Yeah, I never paid attention. | ||
| I just, you know, there was like every now and then, you'd look over the live thing, it was like 1,200 people would be watching live. | ||
| It was a good show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes it was like 500 or 600. Yeah. | ||
| But, um... | ||
| Yeah, but once I had Anthony Bourdain on, and I had a bunch of people like that, I was like, I can talk to some fucking cool people through this thing. | ||
| And then it's just like, man, I want to know more about Egypt. | ||
| Let me get John Anthony West on. | ||
| Hey, I want to know more about asteroids. | ||
| Let me get Randall Carlson on. | ||
| It's really become just all your interests. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Graham Hancock. | ||
| Graham Hancock was a big one. | ||
| That was the early days when I was doing it in my house. | ||
| And he came over to my house, and we talked until like fucking 3 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| It's a long-ass podcast. | ||
| What's your biggest get, personally, for the show? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's no biggest anymore. | ||
| Russell Brand was pretty big. | ||
| That was pretty interesting. | ||
| He's a fun guy, man. | ||
| But so is Artie Lang. | ||
| So is you. | ||
| I love having you on. | ||
| Now it becomes just fun. | ||
| Now it becomes like Joey or Bill Burr or Duncan. | ||
| Guy's stomach was cut open in front of the tenderloins. | ||
| There's so much blood. | ||
| What? | ||
| I gotta make it right. | ||
| It just becomes fun, right? | ||
| I mean, don't you guys feel like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's my favorite thing that we do. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Do you like it more than stand-up itself? | ||
| No. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Stand-up's always number one. | ||
| But the podcast, especially since we've become parents, it's the one thing that... | ||
| It's the old world. | ||
| It's who we were before. | ||
| It's still juvenile, and it's the sealed... | ||
| Hour and a half of just nonsense. | ||
| And then we can go back to being responsible adults. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| That's true. | ||
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| Because it's very juvenile and silly, but that's why we have a good time just being silly on it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that's the big takeaway from your podcast, is how silly it is. | ||
| You guys are just always laughing. | ||
| It's the least serious thing ever. | ||
| There are no serious conversations. | ||
| I love Black or Tom, too. | ||
| Oh, that's a good one. | ||
| I need to do that again. | ||
| The thing about the move is that the studio is much bigger, like actual space, so we'll have, I think, some guests again, because we haven't had guests in a long time now. | ||
| Well, you could also add a bunch of elements to it, too, once you realize you have all this room to do stuff, and you have an actual professional studio. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
| Can't wait. | ||
| Well, when you guys do it out here, I'd be happy to do it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We want some fun. | ||
| We want some fun. | ||
| So, for now, people can see your podcast. | ||
| It's your mom's house. | ||
| It's on iTunes. | ||
| You guys on Stitcher? | ||
| On Stitcher. | ||
| It's on Stitcher. | ||
| On YouTube. | ||
| Christina P on Twitter. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She still hasn't changed her name to Segura. | ||
| A pure disrespectful act. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Hey, can I plug some dates? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so tomorrow night I'm in Dallas at Hyenas and then October 5th, Houston at the Secret Group. | ||
| Warehouse, right? | ||
| Warehouse. | ||
| I changed the warehouse live, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| What's that? | ||
| What's the secret group? | ||
| That's a group of promoters. | ||
| They actually have a venue, I think, called that in Houston. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the secret group also promotes, produces shows. | ||
| So like, oh, the secret group could bring you. | ||
| So secret group is going to have her at Warehouse Live. | ||
| Warehouse Live. | ||
| That's the venue. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So it's not like... | ||
| I was wondering if it was like they just put on a show somewhere. | ||
| It's a secret. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| It's just a secret. | ||
| Like someone really funny is coming to town, but you've got to find out. | ||
| That would be super annoying. | ||
| Okay, October 23rd, Indy, and then the 24th, Cincinnati. | ||
| Tickets are at Thousand Ranch. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And how do people find it? | ||
| What's the website? | ||
| Thousandranch.com. | ||
| That's your website? | ||
| Oh, how the fuck is anybody going to know what that means? | ||
| Tickets are at Thousand Ranch. | ||
| Well, it's my favorite salad dressings together. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Don't tell Joey. | ||
| Don't tell Joey you're like ranch. | ||
| What? | ||
| Ranch smells like fucking feet. | ||
| It's blue cheese or go fuck your mother. | ||
| Blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother. | ||
| Blue cheese is nasty. | ||
| Tom Segura website. | ||
| TomSegura.com. | ||
| SeguraTom on Instagram. | ||
| SeguraTom on Instagram. | ||
| But TomSegura on Twitter, right? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You gotta get SeguraTom. | ||
| Look what I'm going to put on right now for my trip tomorrow. | ||
| Tom Sigur on Instagram is a British kid. | ||
| Nice kid. | ||
| He's like 18. Love his girlfriend. | ||
| Give him the money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't wait to travel with this thing tomorrow. | |
| Powerfulhigherprimate.com fanny pack. | ||
| They're the best, right? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Shout out to Dice Clay for turning them on to the Roots fanny packs. | ||
| All right, folks. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| Love you. | ||
| See you. |
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