Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
No levels, Judah Freelander. | ||
We don't give a fuck about levels. | ||
unidentified
|
We're here to learn how to beat up anybody. | |
You're not wearing a World Champ hat, dude. | ||
It says it in sign language. | ||
Oh, you crafty bastard. | ||
These are actually the severed, shrunken fists of my deceased opponents melted onto my hat. | ||
Now, is that a real weathered hat, or did you prematurely weather it? | ||
No, I've been wearing this hat for years. | ||
Really? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Oh, okay. | ||
My mom keeps saying you should retire it, but I keep wearing it. | ||
No, it's vintage now. | ||
unidentified
|
It's classy. | |
It's been through battles. | ||
It's been through wars. | ||
You know what you could do, though, for sure, is you could sell those, like the ones that you've worn for a long time, and people would gobble it up. | ||
Yeah, maybe. | ||
Let's see. | ||
Do you know what a humiliatrix is? | ||
No. | ||
There's a lot of gals out there that make a living selling their old socks, and they'll sell various bodily fluids and excretions. | ||
Oh, I gotcha. | ||
To dudes who have a thing for that. | ||
We had this girl, Sierra Lynch, on recently, and she educated us on this world. | ||
It's like vintage shopping, but with a more personal touch to it. | ||
I like how you put a spin on it, man. | ||
That's beautiful. | ||
So you wrote this book, which is How to Beat Up Anybody. | ||
Yeah, that was five years ago that came out now. | ||
It's an instructional karate book. | ||
Nice. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
How much karate have you actually studied? | ||
Well, no, this book is basically a spoof of people who think they're great at it but are horrendous at it. | ||
It's basically, you know, I teach you how to beat up ninjas and Bigfoots, but it's kind of like the worst... | ||
Martial arts instruction possible. | ||
And it's like a 208-page photo joke book, basically. | ||
And then, yeah, this is a new book that just came out, called If the Raindrops United, which is a book of drawings and cartoons that I did. | ||
Mostly single-panel cartoons, and most of them are comedy, but I'd say probably 40% Of the ones that are comedy are kind of like dark satire on big issues, whether it's like... | ||
Like honest tits, lying tits? | ||
Yeah, that's a big issue. | ||
That's a big issue out there. | ||
And it has to do with the nipples? | ||
Like you went Pinocchio? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
It's basically a Pinocchio story told through nipples. | ||
Yeah, no, that's definitely not one of the more social commentary ones in there. | ||
But I do like that one. | ||
That's a good one. | ||
And I do like lying nipples, also. | ||
Nothing wrong with them. | ||
Yeah, I like all nipples. | ||
Me too, I'm a fan. | ||
I don't discriminate. | ||
Yeah, I've heard people say something like, eh, man, I don't like when they have small nipples or, like, really pale areolas. | ||
Just be happy you get to see them. | ||
Just be happy someone shows you their tits. | ||
I think we can call that white privilege. | ||
Let's call that white privilege. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah! | |
Let's call that exactly what it is. | ||
But it's like, you know, whenever I hear people complaining about like, especially like, you know, it's like you're already getting laid. | ||
What are you complaining about? | ||
Exactly. | ||
You know, it's like you can't complain about breasts. | ||
I know this dude who was in a wheelchair. | ||
He used to play wheelchair. | ||
He used to play pool. | ||
He was playing tournaments and stuff. | ||
He had all these physical problems. | ||
He was really unhealthy. | ||
Was his wheelchair-ness due to health reasons? | ||
Yes. | ||
Okay, gotcha. | ||
As a physical specimen, he was a mess. | ||
But he was addicted to prostitutes. | ||
And he would only go for ones that had really well taken care of feet. | ||
Okay. | ||
And he had this huge issue. | ||
Like, if someone's feet were too big, or if their feet... | ||
Like, he would, like, freak out about feet. | ||
Like, he would get, like, almost angry. | ||
Like, and you want to go, dude, you should be happy that anybody wants to just hug you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, if you could pay a couple hundred bucks and a girl will get naked with you, like, whoa. | ||
And that's a score. | ||
That's also a story where you really got to, like, give respect to the people that work in the sex industry. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Because I have a lot of respect for them, because people... | ||
I think a lot of people don't understand... | ||
You know, what a difficult job that is. | ||
And think about, like, the woman who goes to him. | ||
And, you know, she's being paid to please him. | ||
And what does he smell like? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then her foot's, like, an inch too long. | ||
And he's mad. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's, you know, that's more of a hassle than being a barista at some coffee place or something like that. | ||
Way more. | ||
Way more. | ||
The sex worker thing is a real... | ||
It's a real issue with our puritanical culture that we have this prejudice against people that have sex with people for money. | ||
We don't have it with any other thing that we enjoy. | ||
We don't have it with people that cook for people for money or people that give massages for money or cut people's hair. | ||
We do a bunch of things that people don't necessarily want to do. | ||
I have more respect for the sex worker because if you think about it, we're a capitalist society. | ||
They're more capitalists than the rest of us. | ||
Really? | ||
Well, in a sense, they're using their body to make money. | ||
What's wrong with them? | ||
In a sense, they're athletes. | ||
Exactly. | ||
Well, they definitely are. | ||
No, they are. | ||
They are. | ||
It's kind of weird that it's still illegal, though. | ||
It really is weird. | ||
I mean, at a certain point in time, it becomes stupid. | ||
If it's the thing that everybody wants the most, if you, across the board, what do people desire more than anything? | ||
At a certain time in their life, it's going to be sex. | ||
Obviously, it's food and rest and shelter and, you know, everyone wants to have a comfortable life and good friends and all that stuff, but... | ||
Everyone who's sexually active, whose body works, it's functional, they want sex. | ||
Even people whose bodies aren't functional, they still want that. | ||
And if you look at all advertising, for no matter what product it is, it's usually sex is the subtext of what they're selling. | ||
So here's someone that's openly and honestly selling it, and then yet they get discriminated against. | ||
They get locked up. | ||
They get locked up. | ||
I mean, there's task forces designed to capture them. | ||
My friend Brian Callen, I think he's told the story on the podcast before, he was talking to some girl in front of a club in New York. | ||
You know, Brian, he's a silly goose. | ||
And some girls were, he's like, hey, girls. | ||
And they're like, hey, you want a date? | ||
He's like, a date? | ||
Well, how much would that cost? | ||
And she said, you know, how much would you be willing to pay? | ||
He goes, $10,000. | ||
He got pulled in for that. | ||
Were these women cops? | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
Oh, wow. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
Like, he said $10,000. | ||
Was this recently? | ||
No, years ago. | ||
Okay, because I was going to say, because, like, street hookers, you don't really see in New York anymore. | ||
But I remember, like, 20 years ago... | ||
You know, you're just going into like the corner deli and girl comes up to me and she's like, hi, you want a date? | ||
And I was like, you know, the first time it happened to me and I was like, I'm like, I'm like, first of all, what's going on? | ||
And then you realize pretty quickly, you know, the woman's a hooker and I'm like, no, that's okay, but thanks. | ||
How hot was she? | ||
She was pretty hot. | ||
So if she wasn't a hooker, if she was just a person and thought you were attractive... | ||
Yeah, I'd probably talk to her. | ||
But I'm like a germaphobe. | ||
Are you really? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Like what level? | ||
Like Howie Mandel level? | ||
He's the black belt. | ||
He's the gold standard. | ||
His is different than mine. | ||
Mine's kind of different. | ||
I don't know how his mentally works, but there's different kinds of OCD, and mine goes through various phases. | ||
Like some people will be a neat freak because, or they might lock their door five times because they're afraid they, oh, maybe I forgot to lock it, and then someone's going to break in. | ||
But there's another kind where if you don't lock it, like doing it like the exact physical motions that you're supposed to, then something bad's gonna happen to you that day. | ||
Like, you might get cancer if you don't lock the door properly. | ||
So that's why you might lock it ten times. | ||
It's like you'll get some kind of a hex or a jinx on you. | ||
That's the kind of thing that I have sporadically off and on. | ||
I've had it for years, you know. | ||
Sporadically? | ||
Yeah, it comes and goes, you know. | ||
So when does it go? | ||
When you're feeling great about life and everything's going well and you're Sometimes. | ||
Sometimes you think, okay, something bad's got to happen now because things are going well. | ||
You think about it that way. | ||
I was thinking the other way, that when things are going well, you think, well, I don't have to worry about the hex right now. | ||
No, no. | ||
Usually it's when I'm not busy. | ||
Because then your mind, because my mind is kind of always racing. | ||
So if you're unable to just sit back and relax, then your mind, it just keeps racing. | ||
And then if it gets on a negative thought, it just spirals and spirals and spirals. | ||
That is so common amongst comics. | ||
We were just talking about that yesterday with Whitney Cummings. | ||
She has kind of a similar thing where she has to constantly be active, constantly be doing things. | ||
And I'm kind of the same way. | ||
I'm always doing something. | ||
Is that a comedian thing? | ||
What the hell is that? | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
I mean, like sometimes when I'm exhausted and stressed out, I will go out to the comedy clubs and do two or three shows in one night. | ||
And people say, why are you doing that? | ||
I'm like, because it's actually the most relaxing thing I do. | ||
It's like being up on stage for whatever reason, that's where I'm most comfortable. | ||
Well, and also it's really fun. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And that's something people forget. | ||
It's a hell of a lot of fun. | ||
I got a chance to see Tig Notaro, Natasha Leggero, and Jim Jeffries last night. | ||
What a fucking show. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
Tig Notaro is hilarious. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
It's the first time I've seen her live. | ||
She's really fucking funny. | ||
Where was the show? | ||
At the improv. | ||
Oh, cool. | ||
Jim Jeffries was fucking funny. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And oh my god, Natasha Leggero killed! | ||
Oh, she's got this Oprah bit. | ||
Awesome. | ||
I was screaming. | ||
So funny, man. | ||
It's so funny. | ||
But it's like, to do stand-up, it's like, it's, you know, it requires concentration and you have to work at it and all that good stuff. | ||
But when you've got the bits and when you're actually, like, you know, You know, you're in the zone and everything's going well. | ||
It's so fun! | ||
Seeing people have a great time. | ||
It's the most fun thing I do. | ||
So it's what I would most like to do. | ||
Yeah, so that totally makes sense. | ||
I've never, like, canceled a show because I was tired. | ||
Ever. | ||
Ever. | ||
And the other thing is, like, you know, I'll feel tired when I'm leaving my house. | ||
Like, oh, I gotta fucking fire up. | ||
I gotta be showing an hour. | ||
But once I get there... | ||
Forget it. | ||
When you're on stage, it's like... | ||
Everything's firing up, man. | ||
It's like... | ||
And then when you're off, you want to go up again. | ||
It's such a beautiful exchange, too. | ||
You know? | ||
And particularly, I feel that way about, like, Hollywood clubs. | ||
Because you're not really getting any money. | ||
No. | ||
Well, same with New York. | ||
I mean, in New York City, you don't... | ||
Those are the two cities... | ||
Kind of, probably in the world, you know, that where, in general, when you're working those two cities on a nightly basis where there's multiple comics per show, you're basically working for free or very little money. | ||
So you're doing it for the love of it, and everyone is, you know. | ||
And everyone's doing it also because it's like these fueling stations, like the cellar or the stand or the store and these places where you go and all the other comics are there and we all kind of fuel up, you know? | ||
Yeah, and also comedy is something you can't practice. | ||
It's not like guitar. | ||
You can get at home, stay at home, but you really fucking go to guitar just by playing by yourself all day guitar. | ||
But stand-up, you have to go on stage. | ||
Otherwise, you're not doing stand-up. | ||
Yeah, you have to go on stage also when you're working out bits because they take a life of their own up there. | ||
Like, I'll write a bit out and I'll have like, ooh, I got a great new bit. | ||
I can't wait to try it. | ||
But when you're on stage, that fucker just takes turns of its own. | ||
Yeah, I think that's because your mind's, at least for me, like my mind's in like hyperdrive when I'm on stage. | ||
So I might, like I always carry around like, you know, little, you know, Little sheets of paper with like... | ||
That's your sheets? | ||
That's your notes? | ||
Yeah, with like a few words on it or something. | ||
You draw on them too, huh? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
What are you drawing? | ||
Well, these are just some random faces and dudes. | ||
It's all penises. | ||
No, well that's a tongue on a dude. | ||
But it looks like a penis, kind of. | ||
But yeah, so I'll usually have a thought, or like a sentence, or maybe it'll be like a one-liner, and then I get on stage, and then if it gets a laugh, then I immediately am thinking, alright, how do I extend this and take it in another direction and get another laugh? | ||
Do you have a ritual? | ||
Why do you write them on paper? | ||
Why don't you put it on your phone? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I'm more of a pen and paper person. | ||
I am to remember shit. | ||
Before every set, I have a notebook that I bring with me everywhere when I do shows. | ||
And before every set, like in my hotel room, if I have a big show that night, I'll write out my bits. | ||
Really? | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
Sometimes I'll write out my whole act. | ||
I'll spend hours. | ||
Wow. | ||
That's good. | ||
This is usually me before headlining a show. | ||
Like, I get there right when there's... | ||
Like, five minutes before I'm supposed to go on. | ||
And then as they're saying my name, I pull out a piece of paper from my pocket. | ||
unidentified
|
And I'm like, all right, let's go. | |
Because I'm trying to remember a few new things. | ||
But, yeah, I always forget stuff. | ||
I do that, too. | ||
I mean, but when I'm... | ||
I feel like that... | ||
Even though you don't have to do that sort of preparation, the sitting in front, going over all the material, when I do do that, everything comes out better. | ||
Yeah, yeah, no. | ||
Working... | ||
I think you've got to work offstage and onstage, but I tend to work a little... | ||
I saw that Seinfeld documentary, and it seems like he works almost completely offstage, like his act is written, and then he goes up and says it. | ||
That's what it seemed like from the documentary. | ||
I do more writing. | ||
I'm about maybe 60-40 as far as offstage writing to onstage writing. | ||
Yeah, I think you need both. | ||
And people that don't write offstage, I'm always like, man, you're missing out. | ||
Yeah, you have to. | ||
To get the most out. | ||
How long have you been doing stand-up now? | ||
unidentified
|
I started in 89. And when did you become world champion? | |
That was at some point, you know, I'm not great at math. | ||
It's one of my weaknesses. | ||
But it was, you know, I was dabbling in it in the, I would say, mid to late 90s. | ||
But it's changed. | ||
The persona has changed so much over the years. | ||
But it's such a weird one that you've always stuck with. | ||
Like every time I see you, you've got a world champion hat on. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Well, it's kind of like when you get knighted, like Sir Ben Kingsley. | ||
It's like he's not fighting, you know, every day, but he was still officially knighted, so he's still got the title. | ||
And theoretically, I'm still undefeated, so I still got the title. | ||
But, yeah, no, initially the world champion persona kind of started as... | ||
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Guinness Book of World Records, and I always used to try to break them. | ||
Like when I was eight, I tried to break the pogo stick record. | ||
I think the record was like 13 hours straight. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
And I did it for an hour straight without missing. | ||
Really? | ||
And an hour when you're eight is like a really long fucking time. | ||
You know? | ||
And I was so bored. | ||
I was a little tired, but I was so bored. | ||
And I was just like, fuck it. | ||
This is not worth breaking, this world record. | ||
It's amazing that it's only 13 hours. | ||
I feel like I could do that. | ||
unidentified
|
That was at the time. | |
That was at the time. | ||
You know, that was in the 70s. | ||
That was like in 77. There's a gang of world records that people found out were pretty easy, and they went, wait, I can do that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then they broke them. | ||
I think there are. | ||
There are, yeah. | ||
Yeah, there's gotta be, because probably people haven't even tried. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Like, the Guinness book is a fat book. | ||
Yeah, it is. | ||
It is. | ||
And you can, like, come up with a world record. | ||
Yeah, there's the group that does that, where they come up with ridiculous things that nobody else is doing, and then, you know, it would be like a light rock, you know, juggling three of these the longest you did it, and then you get a world record. | ||
Well, didn't Dane Cook, was it Dane or was it Chappelle, who did the world record for the longest show? | ||
I think they both had it at various times, and then one of them broke the other. | ||
I'm not sure who. | ||
I think Chappelle broke Daines. | ||
I think someone else that no one's ever heard of did like 28 hours. | ||
I think it was Tommy Tiernan in Ireland. | ||
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
I think he did 28 hours straight or something like that. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, like, okay. | ||
Yeah, it's like, fuck it, who wants to break that? | ||
Who's watching that show? | ||
And who wants to break that? | ||
What does it mean? | ||
Who wants to stay up for 28 hours straight? | ||
Yeah, there's some weird world records, man. | ||
What is it about world records? | ||
I remember I wrote this article once about this guy who his world record was he had the longest fingernails ever. | ||
I remember that guy. | ||
He was in all the books when I was a kid. | ||
And they're curled up. | ||
That guy has massive nerve damage in his shoulder. | ||
And has a hand that he cannot use for anything. | ||
Can't use for anything. | ||
Can't wipe his ass. | ||
Can't save his life. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And because it's heavy, it's fucked up his nervous system. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like his body's imbalanced. | ||
It's like carrying a brick everywhere you go. | ||
Yeah. | ||
A brick made out of fingernails. | ||
Yeah, so I was obsessed with those things. | ||
So I think somewhere in the early 90s or mid-90s, I started writing all these jokes about breaking all these ridiculous world records. | ||
And my act was always very joke-heavy, you know, a lot of one-liners, and I always did a lot of crowd work. | ||
And then I started making my own hat somewhere in the mid-90s, and I first made one that said Record Breaker. | ||
And then I thought it would be funny to make a hat that said, world champion, but not of what? | ||
Like, who is this idiot wearing a hat that says world champion that doesn't even say what it is? | ||
Like, you know, this is just this moron bragging kind of guy. | ||
Right. | ||
And it was also good because then it would lure the audience in to ask me questions, and I love doing crowd work. | ||
So it kind of worked, and it fed into these, like, world record, these ridiculous athletic achievement jokes that I was doing at the time. | ||
And then at some point, it sort of morphed, and it became not a guy who was bragging. | ||
It became like an actual real-life superhero who really is this amazing athlete and sexual creature that is just better than everyone. | ||
And he's actually just humbly stating how amazing he is. | ||
You know, you talk about fucking Lewis Lane, you know, in front of Superman without him knowing it. | ||
Lewis Lane? | ||
Is that Lewis' brother? | ||
Yeah, that was Lewis. | ||
Yeah, it was Lewis Lane. | ||
It was... | ||
That's actually her real name. | ||
She's transgender. | ||
A lot of people don't know that. | ||
The comics, because of bigotry at the time, never addressed it. | ||
Oh, they glossed over it. | ||
Yeah, they did. | ||
Yeah, they sure did. | ||
Wow, how rude of them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Ronk. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Lois is a weird name for a chick. | ||
I don't know any Loises. | ||
She might be the only Lois ever. | ||
Yeah, I don't know any Loises. | ||
I don't know any Loises. | ||
So then the world champion kind of became this... | ||
And that's what this karate book is. | ||
It's just the real-life greatest martial artist and athlete ever to walk the planet. | ||
And who doesn't brag, but is just, you know, so incredible. | ||
And then the past few years, it's morphed some more where the world champion is... | ||
I mean, he still has that. | ||
You know, that still is the greatest athlete and stuff. | ||
But it may not be talking about that, but he's become a person who is a champion of the world... | ||
For the rights of the people of the world so so recently like the past I started doing shows in Europe about four years ago and It really kind of opened up my mind And my point of view because you know when you're in a bad relationship Like you can't see it, but all your friends can see it because you're like too close Yeah, but then if you step out then you can like a couple years later. | ||
You're like what the fuck was I doing, you know and So when I started performing shows like in England and other countries in Europe, I initially thought, oh, I'm going to be learning a lot about these countries. | ||
And I did that. | ||
But what I really started learning about a lot was my own country. | ||
Because you're able to see how other people live, step away from the way you've been living, and physically be farther away. | ||
So I sort of just started seeing some of the hypocrisies and the ridiculousness of... | ||
You know, just the culture and the laws that we have, the bullshit with the government. | ||
And so I started talking more about, you know, the past few years, bigger issues, whether it's, you know, classism, racism, you know, different kinds of things. | ||
So, and I try to, I still try to You know do it from the same ridiculous and absurd angles that my act has always kind of been But now with you know dealing with like big issues like that because I've always liked doing like dark twisted Crazy shit, | ||
you know in my material and finding laughs in dark places And so now with like if I do if I'm doing bits about racism I love it because I love how uncomfortable the audience gets. | ||
Like if I'm doing bits about, like I have one bit about terminology about black people, should it be called blacks, should it be called African-American, you should see, like usually the black people are, they're a little uncomfortable at first, but then they're fine. | ||
The white people are almost always terrified to be even discussing this. | ||
And that's where I like to, I like to get comedy out of those situations. | ||
You know, I've never been the guy who likes to get it out of the easy spot. | ||
I like going to where it's difficult. | ||
So I've been doing more stuff like that. | ||
And I also like doing it for everyone. | ||
Democrats, Republicans, because I don't find it interesting. | ||
Like if you're preaching in the choir, I never find that interesting or challenging. | ||
I like doing a bit about guns, and there's people on the right and the left, and they're all laughing at the shit. | ||
That's what I like doing and trying to do. | ||
So there's like a conscious effort you have when you're crafting your jokes to sort of like... | ||
Or is it just like what you normally just sort of gravitate towards? | ||
Well, these are things I normally gravitate towards, but I try to do it so that... | ||
I try to point out the absurdity in it and to sort of like get people to laugh at something and then they're realizing... | ||
The fact that we're arguing over this is really absurd. | ||
They're going to laugh at it no matter what their point of view is on an issue. | ||
Like, say, gun control. | ||
Because both sides, they want the same thing. | ||
You know, they want peace. | ||
You know, they want safety, whether you're for guns or against guns. | ||
They both want that. | ||
So they have something in common, but they're so passionate about, you know, we want our guns, we don't want the guns, that they don't actually see that they actually have more common ground than they think. | ||
I mean, that's not what I preach in my act, but, you know, I take that... | ||
You know, that knowledge beforehand that these people actually agree more than they disagree. | ||
You know, it's how they go about solving the issue that they disagree. | ||
Well, I think when we set up two opposing camps, like the right and the left, Democrats and Republicans, you know, you almost always have these artificial barriers that are like set up in place for people reaching common ground. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They're already in place. | ||
It's already black and white. | ||
It's already good guys versus bad guys, no matter which side you're at. | ||
The left has their ideas, and you have to oppose them if you're on the right, even if they make sense. | ||
Yeah, what I think has gotten, and I think this has gotten worse, and I think some of it is due to the internet, which we were talking about a little bit before the podcast started, where it's like nuance is gone. | ||
It's like, even on the internet, on Twitter, if you say one thing, if you do one tweet, and one person or one group gets offended, you are demonized forever. | ||
It's like you can't, it's like you'll never be the same. | ||
They're done with you. | ||
It's almost like when a five-year-old kid eats broccoli for the first time, and he just goes, yuck, and then spits it out. | ||
It's like, that's the way adults are now, on every big issue. | ||
Right, so you write To tweet about something, that's who you are. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's you from now on. | ||
It's like there's no room for discussion. | ||
It's like you're evil. | ||
You have to go. | ||
Well, it's also just taking someone and judging them based on a tweet is so precarious because you're dealing with 140 characters. | ||
You have a limit of 140 characters. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know a lot of times especially if it's a joke yeah, you know like there's so much More that you could say about that subject that would give like it would sort of fill it all in yeah I go here's Judah's actual perspective on this right, but instead You know they take 70 characters that you thought would be kind of funny to put out right like you piece of shit How dare you say that about yeah blank you know and the fact that people Come to a judgment About someone's entire being immediately and | ||
then don't even want to discuss things. | ||
It's like you can't progress if you can't discuss things. | ||
Well, I think you're dealing with what you're calling progressives. | ||
People that call themselves progressives are almost... | ||
Many people on the left, or we're using labels again for lack of a better term, are more fascist than people on the right. | ||
Definitely more regressive. | ||
Fascism can come from both sides, you know, and with freedom of speech, People can, and I'm someone who's, for human rights, 100% and always standing up for the underdog. | ||
There's actually a cartoon to this one. | ||
The term fascist, I used to think this too, but I think the term fascist actually deals with conservative issues. | ||
I think, I'm pretty sure, like, Jamie, pull up the definition of fascist. | ||
Yeah, I'm forgetting, because I've looked it up before, too. | ||
Because people use it, I think people use it incorrectly, because they just assume it's like... | ||
But I have this one cartoon here in the book, and it's at a college campus, and it says, Smoking Awareness Week. | ||
On the right, you have a good lung, which is white, and a bad lung, which is black. | ||
And underneath, they say, this poster's racist. | ||
And she goes, let's protest. | ||
And it's like, the bad lung, which is black, is not bad because of... | ||
Anything to do with, like, the color. | ||
It's because a black lung is a polluted lung that is not healthy. | ||
I understand this. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
But I'm saying some people, their heart's in the right place, but they're misguided. | ||
Yes. | ||
You know, here we go. | ||
Fascists. | ||
Governmental system led by a dictator having racism. | ||
I've seen more than one definition. | ||
That's interesting. | ||
I've seen a different definition. | ||
Let's look at Webster's definition. | ||
What do they say? | ||
Organized society, government ruled by a dictator. | ||
Emphasizing aggression. | ||
But I've seen it written... | ||
Full definition. | ||
Let's see. | ||
A political philosophy. | ||
Hmm. | ||
Centralized autocratic government headed by a dictator. | ||
Dictatorial. | ||
That's a weird word. | ||
Dictatorial leaderships. | ||
Right, but see, some of it is. | ||
Social regimentation. | ||
A certain philosophy that is forced upon people. | ||
Yeah, so that is fascist then. | ||
I just think there's so much with culture now. | ||
There's such this... | ||
There's not in the concept of discussing something. | ||
And also, when you talk to people who disagree with you on something, that's when you can really learn about their point of view and your point of view. | ||
You both can learn. | ||
I think also what we're dealing with is there's a lot of people now that were marginalized before and didn't have a viewpoint, maybe in high school and maybe even in college. | ||
And now, because of the internet, they've found like-minded people, they've banded together, and they really become sort of thought bullies. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
People... | ||
It's not about, like, you just said something wrong. | ||
It's like you now have to be shamed for it. | ||
Exactly. | ||
Instead of, like, you know, if someone says something, you know, that's... | ||
Even if someone ever says anything to me about something, it's like, I want to discuss it and find out why they're feeling that way. | ||
And then... | ||
If I still think differently explain my my point of view to them so that they can see it Yeah, I don't people just it's like they just want to fight. | ||
They just want to shame and fight Well, they want to attack because they're afraid of being attacked themselves first That's a lot of what's going on. | ||
That's part of what I teach in my book, How to Beat Up Anybody, is self-offense. | ||
Do you teach that verbally as well? | ||
Ask questions, never. | ||
Shame first? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
Before they shame you? | ||
No, no, I don't do that. | ||
Shame them to death, maybe. | ||
No, I don't do that. | ||
I don't shame people. | ||
No, never? | ||
Not into that, no. | ||
Maybe that's what your new persona, when you morph again, you'd be a shamer. | ||
That's interesting. | ||
You'd start shaming people for shit that's not even shameful. | ||
Yeah, I like that. | ||
Actually, I did that recently, a little bit of my act. | ||
I did that a little bit. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Where I'm sort of making fun of it. | ||
Like, as soon as when people start clapping, I'm like, guys, just stop that. | ||
That's actually offensive to people without hands. | ||
And then I'll say, I said, I'd like to apologize for wearing a hat. | ||
That's offensive to our friends in the headless community. | ||
You know, just making fun of the people who are, like, way too piecing. | ||
I had this woman, Christina Summers, who's a feminist, and she calls herself a factual feminist. | ||
She kind of fights against a lot of ridiculous ideology that's going around in the quote-unquote feminist community where they're spouting false statistics and fake studies or studies that are not real or very biased. | ||
unidentified
|
Well, within the feminist movement, there's many different factions. | |
Fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. | ||
Sorry, buddy. | ||
That's okay. | ||
They'll come back to you. | ||
What did you just say before that? | ||
What were you just saying? | ||
We're talking about there's many different factions of feminism. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
It was before that. | ||
Shit. | ||
I was talking about the headless community and not offending them. | ||
Oh, clapping. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She was saying that... | ||
I'm fighting off a cold, I think. | ||
Brain's not so hot today. | ||
I think it's going around with everybody. | ||
unidentified
|
It is. | |
Everyone's got some kind of weird sort of cold. | ||
She was saying that she does these shows where people give speeches and they don't want people clapping because they think clapping will trigger people that have been beaten before. | ||
So like hearing this will trigger the idea of you being beaten. | ||
I read something about that. | ||
They do jazz hands or they snap like beatnik chords. | ||
I read about the snapping thing. | ||
Just insane. | ||
And you know, the original, I think when the beatniks in the 60s in New York used to do the snapping, that was because they were having illegal shows, and if they all applauded, that would, the neighbor, people who lived, you know, on the upstairs or next door, would hear the applaud, then they'd call the cops and shut them down. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
So they did the snapping because it was quieter than clapping, and that way they can still show, like that, you know, Appreciation. | ||
Appreciation, yeah. | ||
So that was the initial thing why the Beatniks did it. | ||
Is that real? | ||
I think so. | ||
It's because they had illegal speakeasies where there were like after-hour shows going on and shit. | ||
My mom used to have this really cool lamp in her house that was made with like lead and stained glass and it was from an original speakeasy from the prohibition. | ||
Oh wow, cool. | ||
I don't know what the fuck she did with that thing. | ||
It was so awesome. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's cool. | ||
I don't know if she sold it or got rid of it or what. | ||
God damn it, I wish I had that though. | ||
Because she had it restored and put together. | ||
I mean, it's like a lamp from like 1921 or something like that. | ||
Where is she? | ||
My mom lives in Mexico now. | ||
Oh wow, cool. | ||
Yeah, my mom and my stepdad, they live in Mexico. | ||
They found like this strange community of expats in Mexico. | ||
A lot of people move to Mexico when they get older. | ||
I think Jesse Ventura's got a place down there. | ||
Yeah, he lives in Mexico. | ||
He's a weird fucker. | ||
I want to get to know Mexico, because I really don't know it that well at all. | ||
Mexico's awesome. | ||
I love Mexico. | ||
I hear Mexico City's just amazing. | ||
It's very cool. | ||
And they have a lot of good filmmakers coming out of there now. | ||
But the pollution is staggering. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, I took photos of it and put it up on my Instagram and see if you can find one of those. | ||
You can't even believe it. | ||
It doesn't look real. | ||
It looks like you're flying into a fire. | ||
Why are friends like from Beijing and China and like... | ||
Ooh, that's even worse. | ||
It's just insane. | ||
I think that's the worst in the world. | ||
China has some of the worst. | ||
I think so. | ||
But Mexico City was so bad, I was getting headaches there. | ||
And you smell it. | ||
You smell it when you land. | ||
You're like, whoa. | ||
And apparently they say the pollution is way better now than it was a decade ago. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
Which is very hard to believe. | ||
Wow. | ||
Traffic there is also insane. | ||
Right. | ||
The traffic lights are a fucking joke. | ||
It's a free-for-all, right? | ||
And trying to merge, like look at that. | ||
That's flying in. | ||
That's Mexico City. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like that cloud of shit. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
When I was driving here, I just heard it on the radio. | ||
In Porter Ranch, there's some kind of gas leak. | ||
Yeah, and they just got this camera the special camera that can like see gas and it's like they like the Government of the Authority said no it's not leaking and someone got this special camera that can like see gas and it's still going everywhere in Porter Ranch and 700 and 700 families have moved out and And they're like trying to like fight the government and sue the government or that plant or whatever that's doing it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh God, I'm like that's not that far from here and New infrared video shows possible gas cloud lingering above. | ||
Oh, whoa. | ||
Yeah, and it's still, like, leaking like crazy. | ||
And I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
That's the gas? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's what the special cameras see. | ||
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
That's going on now. | ||
They had a big meeting last night. | ||
And they said 700 families have moved out on their own. | ||
Like, the government didn't tell them. | ||
Wow. | ||
They were like, fuck it. | ||
We don't trust you guys. | ||
We're moving out. | ||
Wow. | ||
Good for them. | ||
The government is the last person you should ever listen to. | ||
They're very close to here. | ||
That's only, like, five or six miles from there. | ||
That gas can't be just going to Porter Ranch. | ||
It's not like it knows... | ||
It's probably going right to Jamie's head. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Yeah, this is fucked. | ||
But the government is all about trying to minimize the impact on the economy in these areas. | ||
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
If people are breathing, they're not dropping dead on the spot. | ||
Capitalism wins. | ||
What is this lady doing with a mask on and sunglasses? | ||
That bitch is the one who let the gas out herself. | ||
Oh yeah, maybe she did it. | ||
She's like a bad guy that shows up at the scene of the crime. | ||
Look at her. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know how this gas got out, but we gotta get out of here. | |
Meanwhile, she's got a monkey wrench in her back pocket. | ||
She's unscrewing the gas. | ||
Gas leak controversy at Porter Ranch. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Yeah. | ||
That's not good. | ||
Nah. | ||
You know what else? | ||
There was something I wanted to talk about today because it was so fucking ridiculous. | ||
I tweeted it earlier today. | ||
There's this man who's a 52-year-old father who identifies as a 6-year-old girl. | ||
Uh-huh. | ||
And it's hilarious because... | ||
I tweeted it, and it's this story about this, he's Canadian, and this guy who identifies as a six-year-old girl. | ||
Okay. | ||
And, like, this is his thing. | ||
So he dresses up like a six-year-old and acts like a six-year-old? | ||
Yes. | ||
That's what he identifies as. | ||
Weird. | ||
And this sort of... | ||
You know, people don't want to admit this, but this sort of is what's going on with a lot of folks when it comes to this whole transgender thing. | ||
The idea that you identify with something, like being normal and healthy, and this is the extreme of that. | ||
You're right now you cannot look at that and not think that guy is out of his fucking mind But when I tweeted it then I watched all the other people that are commenting on and online and there's people that are very supportive of the transgender community and very supportive of transgender rights and they they've hit this wall of Ridiculousness. | ||
Like, how do you respond to this now? | ||
Do you say, okay, that's enough. | ||
Well, if that's enough, is that enough? | ||
Well, what do we do about Bruce Jenner? | ||
What do you say about this guy? | ||
What do you say about that guy who wants to be a woman, or this guy who thinks he's a fox, or this guy who, you know, I'm a raccoon kin. | ||
I mean, people are out of their fucking mind, and that's something we're going to have to come to grips with in this And that's okay to be out of your mind. | ||
We're trying to be progressive and we're trying to be as open-minded and accepting of diversity as possible. | ||
You're going to deal with this. | ||
I think this is awesome. | ||
I think you should go back to kindergarten, this guy. | ||
That is kindergarten. | ||
Six is first grade? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Seven? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I went out with a girl once. | ||
Uh-oh. | ||
How old? | ||
How old was this girl? | ||
How old were you, you fuck? | ||
No, she was like 25, 26. That's a woman. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So I went out with her, but I think she had... | ||
We went out with a short time. | ||
We went out for like a few weeks we dated, but she had... | ||
Or maybe more. | ||
I think she had split personality disorder. | ||
Why's that? | ||
Because sometimes she was completely normal. | ||
And then sometimes she, it was like she had no vocabulary and would speak in broken English. | ||
And like, I would just be talking about something and be like, yeah, I saw this thing on CNN. And then she'd go, what's CNN? I'm like, well, you have to know what CNN is. | ||
You grew up in New York City and you don't know what CNN is? | ||
And then another point, like, I was talking about the New York Jets game, and she's like, what are the Jets? | ||
And I'm like, how do you, you grew up here in New York, how do you not know, even if you don't watch football, you're going to see an ad that's on a bus that's driving by or something. | ||
Did you have sex with this girl? | ||
No, I didn't. | ||
I didn't. | ||
unidentified
|
Good for you. | |
And then at one point, we're sitting in my car, and she's talking normal, like Queen's accent, and then she starts talking all of a sudden in broken English, like, hi, how are you? | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
And I'm like, what? | ||
And then for a second, she goes, come on, get it together, get it together. | ||
I'm like... | ||
She said that to herself? | ||
Yeah, yeah, to herself. | ||
You know, she's like talking to herself. | ||
Oh, well, she's crazy, too. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And then she wanted to make a commitment, like, let's get serious. | ||
unidentified
|
About what? | |
About dating, like being a couple. | ||
But she said to me, she had something really serious she needs to tell me, but she can't say it until after I... Say to her that I want to be in a committed relationship with her, just the two of us. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
So I'm like, no, that's the kind of shit you put out beforehand. | ||
She's got her own rules, man. | ||
So I noticed, like, when she would start changing her voice, talking about broken English, it was almost like her vocabulary got worse, too. | ||
So I actually think she had split personality disorder, where one was like she was like a little girl. | ||
Was she hot? | ||
Yeah, she's very good looking. | ||
She hung out with her. | ||
Fuck it. | ||
Who cares? | ||
Yeah, but didn't worry about it. | ||
unidentified
|
Good girl. | |
No, but interesting. | ||
Yeah, there's people whose brains don't work so good. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Just like some people have club foot. | ||
Right. | ||
Some people have shitty brains. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Club brain. | ||
Yeah, for sure. | ||
Cleft palate. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Fucked up brain. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
It's just, you know, defects. | ||
Dude, I love your... | ||
I just want to say I love the... | ||
The American Werewolf in London werewolf he got out there. | ||
Pretty dope, huh? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That was a great movie. | ||
Shout out to Pat McGee. | ||
There's a guy named Pat McGee. | ||
He does special effects for films, makeup stuff. | ||
That's an incredible job he did. | ||
Yeah, he has a mold. | ||
He makes them for anybody who wants one can get one. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, he does a Yeti, too. | ||
He has a big giant Yeti. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
He does the Alien. | ||
I'm going to look him up. | ||
That's really good. | ||
Yeah, he's really good. | ||
And that was a great movie. | ||
Well, he's one of those guys that believes in makeup, special effects, as opposed to CGI. I was into that when I was a little kid. | ||
Me too. | ||
Me too. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
I was into Rick Baker. | ||
I wanted to do that for the movies. | ||
After I saw Star Wars, like the cantina scene. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Cantina? | ||
Cantina. | ||
Cantina scene. | ||
I remember thinking, whoa, that was all a bunch of masks. | ||
But meanwhile, if you watch that today, it looks so stupid. | ||
The masks are so obviously masks, they don't move. | ||
Right, right. | ||
They're just rubber, frozen. | ||
But that scene, like, blew people away. | ||
Well, the movie did, yeah. | ||
The special effects were incredible. | ||
I still love that movie. | ||
I think the spaceship stuff is still great in that movie. | ||
Oh, it's fucking terrible. | ||
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
Okay. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I guess I can't see it. | ||
Because when I watch it, I just love it. | ||
Well, you know what I watched this morning? | ||
I watched it with my kid. | ||
I watched the Planet of the Apes from 2001 with Marky Mark. | ||
Yeah, I didn't like that one. | ||
It was terrible. | ||
Yeah, I didn't like that at all. | ||
But I was watching the special effects. | ||
I'm like, wow, just 14 years ago, special effects look like shit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They look so fake. | ||
But at the time, we were like, whoa, cool. | ||
That's finally they got it. | ||
He's in space for sure. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, that suspension of disbelief was... | ||
But now, like, you know, Interstellar or something like that, it's like, wow, they've got it. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Sometimes when I see stuff now, I still... | ||
Like the superhero movies, it'll be like, okay, here's Robert Downey Jr. talking to Mark Ruffalo, and then they put on their superhero costumes, and then it's like watching a cartoon. | ||
I never feel like it's Robert Downey Jr. in that suit when he's flying around and punching shit. | ||
Yeah, that's why they have to do the cutaway to his face with all the lights on it because he's got the mask on. | ||
I kind of lose believability with that stuff. | ||
I sat down with my kids the other day, and we watched King Kong, the 1933 version of King Kong. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
Oh, my God. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's a great movie. | ||
It's incredible to watch what a difference movies are, like what difference it is between a 1933 movie and a 2015 movie. | ||
I even like the 1976 one with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange. | ||
Well, we watched the 2005 version as well. | ||
I went back to back from the 33 to the 2005. I just showed them the King Kong scenes just so they could see the difference. | ||
Right, right. | ||
Oh, that's so cool. | ||
You're educating them in special effects. | ||
Well, yeah. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
This is what it was. | ||
I have a TV in my car. | ||
Excuse me. | ||
And we were watching Monsters, Inc. | ||
And Monsters, Inc., there was a place they were going called Harryhausen's. | ||
And Harryhausen is Ray Harryhausen, who's a famous special effects guy. | ||
It was like a shout out in the movie to Ray Harryhausen because obviously Monsters, Inc. was an animated movie. | ||
And so I was explaining to them who Ray Harryhausen was. | ||
And I said, well, I'm going to show you guys some old school animation so you get a chance to look at it. | ||
So I played them King Kong and they were fucking howling laughing. | ||
They thought it was so stupid. | ||
They were like, "Oh my God." Like, there it is. | ||
But see, you gotta get a video of it. | ||
See if you pull a video of the first time that King Kong sees Feyre. | ||
Harryhausen was the king of stop-motion animation. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And, yeah, he did King Kong. | ||
He did some of those Sinbad movies. | ||
And, uh... | ||
It was so bad. | ||
He actually did the... | ||
I think one of the last ones or last one he did was Clash of the Titans in 1981. Look how stupid it looks. | ||
Yeah, it's got the strobing. | ||
And it's obvious that they're not in the same plane. | ||
You know, like him and her, they're not in the same place. | ||
And then they had the head. | ||
There was the big head that wasn't the same thing. | ||
It wasn't claymation animation. | ||
It was like a big mechanized face where the mouth opened and shut. | ||
And then they went to this thing. | ||
Like, look how fake it looks! | ||
I don't know. | ||
I just sort of ignored it, and I still get into it. | ||
Look at the lighting, though. | ||
Look how good the lighting is, man. | ||
Well, for 1933, this was amazing. | ||
Like, people couldn't believe it. | ||
Like, see, they would go to this. | ||
This was the machine that the mouth would just open and close. | ||
And then Fay Wray was screaming and yelling. | ||
Even the style of acting they did was so different. | ||
The way they talked then, well, what kind of a film are we going to make here? | ||
You know, it was like the opposite of a lot of acting you see in, like, American indie films now. | ||
We're almost like... | ||
People have no energy, and it's like they have no acting. | ||
Everyone's just walking around with a blank face. | ||
Here, they really overdid it. | ||
They put a lot of energy into it. | ||
Well, I think that was reminiscent, or was an after-effect, rather, of doing things on stage with no microphones. | ||
Ah, interesting. | ||
That makes sense. | ||
Because when they used to have no microphones, you used to have to project. | ||
And so you would have to talk like that so the back of the room could hear you. | ||
Right, and be more physical with your motions and stuff. | ||
That makes sense. | ||
And so 1933, you've got to think, well, they've only been doing movies for a couple decades back then. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Especially movies where people got to talk. | ||
Not even. | ||
Not even, really. | ||
When was the first silent movie? | ||
I think in the teens. | ||
Silent? | ||
I think in the teens. | ||
I think it was the 1800s. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Yeah, I feel like 1800 was the first silent movie. | ||
But talkies came in the 20s, I think, or the teens. | ||
Something like that, yeah. | ||
So 1933, it was all really, really new. | ||
Okay, here we go. | ||
1891, wow. | ||
Until 1927 when the first talkie was. | ||
So that's incredible. | ||
So you're talking about six years. | ||
Six years of talkies before King Kong came out. | ||
So they really didn't have it. | ||
I mean, that's like a 2011 movie. | ||
I mean, think about that. | ||
Wouldn't that be cool? | ||
I think it would be so cool to go back in time and to try to be like an actor in those times and be in the silent movies and then crush it and then get in talkies. | ||
You would know so much. | ||
You would go back in time and they would think of you as just like this wise genius. | ||
Oh, I didn't think of it that way. | ||
I thought about actually just living back then, like if you were born back then. | ||
I wonder how much of a representation, how accurate the representation of people were in those films as to what they were really like in real life. | ||
Because it's hard when you see people talking like that. | ||
Say, mister, who are you? | ||
You don't get a sense of what they really were like. | ||
I think they were pretty savage. | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
I think if you look at There's a bunch of stuff that happens in those movies that you don't see today, like in movies, or you definitely don't see on television shows. | ||
First of all, like domestic abuse. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Men just smack the fuck out of women all the time in those movies. | ||
Even in like the original movie Footloose, There are scenes where the main girl is getting the shit kicked out of her boyfriend. | ||
Yeah, by her boyfriend, right. | ||
And even today, if that was happening, they wouldn't actually show it. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Maybe, but it wouldn't be like Footloose. | ||
It wouldn't even be in the story. | ||
Right, right, right. | ||
Yeah, it's interesting because I think when you look at something from like 1933, even though I don't think that's exactly how they behaved, it gives you a window into the culture. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
It gives you this bizarre view of people from a completely different era. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, watch Gone with the Wind and you'll be like, wow, this is like the most racist movie ever made. | ||
unidentified
|
So fucking racist! | |
It's like, oh my God. | ||
Yeah, there's a lot of those. | ||
How is that? | ||
How are people not talking about this? | ||
You know what else is racist as fuck, man? | ||
Peter Pan. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, Peter Pan, the original Peter Pan cartoon. | ||
I was playing it for my kids, and we were like, whoa, about Native Americans. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
I've seen some of those cartoons. | ||
Oh, my God! | ||
It's angering and embarrassing. | ||
You're like, wow. | ||
And that was the normal shit that everybody saw. | ||
The old Popeyes are great too. | ||
I've been watching the old Popeyes. | ||
Those are great cartoons. | ||
They are great. | ||
Especially the black and white ones. | ||
Those are like... | ||
They're so violent. | ||
Violent as hell. | ||
And Bruno is always trying to rape olive oil. | ||
Yeah, literally like rape her. | ||
Like kidnap her and rape her. | ||
They don't show his hips thrusting, but apparently everything else is in there. | ||
He's grabbing her and she's screaming, he's pulling her away. | ||
Yeah, he doesn't even talk. | ||
He just grunts and shit. | ||
Yeah, but the violence is so prevalent. | ||
It's like, Jesus Christ, cartoons were all about violence back then. | ||
And they were great. | ||
Well, the weird thing is you can still watch them, but you can never make them. | ||
You could still watch Warner Bros. | ||
unidentified
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cartoons. | |
You could still watch Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny. | ||
But you could never make a cartoon like that. | ||
Today? | ||
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And put it on television? | |
It would have to be a niche market, I guess. | ||
Well, it wouldn't be for children. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
Not for kids. | ||
But isn't that amazing? | ||
That was what we grew up with. | ||
Well, look at it. | ||
Some schools, they're not supposed to play dodgeball anymore. | ||
It's too dangerous. | ||
Well, we're becoming pussies. | ||
They're giving kids participation trophies. | ||
What the fuck is that? | ||
You know, it sucks to lose, okay? | ||
That's how you get better. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You can't keep your kid from bad feelings. | ||
And the lower-income kids who grow up lower-income, they don't have that issue. | ||
Because they're like, you know, they're still barefoot, and it'll be a five-year-old kid riding an adult 10-speed, you know, with no helmet on. | ||
You know, it's like, that's like, when I lived way out in Queens, you'd see that shit all the time, you know, like, you know, a Latino kid just, you know. | ||
Literally like four years old and he's on a 10-speed, no shoes, just cruising down the fucking street. | ||
Where's his parents? | ||
Yeah, you don't see them anywhere. | ||
Just let that kid out the door. | ||
But he's fine. | ||
Jesus, most of them come back alive. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's just about numbers. | ||
Yeah, and he was good, you know. | ||
That'd be like an adult riding like a 10-foot bicycle. | ||
Well, New York is interesting in that way that you get to see so many different styles of parenting, so many different styles of just living, all jammed into one area, stacked on top of each other, different boroughs, but all in the sort of same central location. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's not as diverse as it used to be. | ||
It's really becoming a boring kind of city. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
What's happening? | ||
Well, I deal with that some of my book here where it's like you go to... | ||
Like, one block will literally have, there's a CVS right next to a Rite Aid, and then a block away there's a Walgreens, and then there's, like, five banks, like, on that block. | ||
And that's, like, that's all there is. | ||
You know? | ||
And it's, like, it's turning that way, like, everywhere. | ||
It's, like, it's become such a wealthy city. | ||
Uh... | ||
It's just become boring. | ||
When I look at L.A. now and New York, L.A. to me seems in many ways more diverse than New York does. | ||
Really? | ||
Because I think an apartment in L.A. is probably half... | ||
You know, 50% cheaper than what it is in New York, if not more. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
So it's just sort of priced everybody out. | ||
Yeah, it's classism, basically. | ||
So it's like the only people... | ||
I know doctors in New York City who live in Jersey because they can't afford to live in New York City. | ||
Whoa. | ||
You know, so it's like... | ||
Because the finance people make more money than anybody. | ||
Right. | ||
Isn't that funny? | ||
Yeah. | ||
All they're doing is moving numbers around. | ||
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I know. | |
They steal them up. | ||
They steal the numbers. | ||
Because I was always like, what do these guys do? | ||
And then I finally realized that they make money. | ||
Like, you do comedy, and then people come to the show, and you get paid. | ||
Like, that's the service you provide. | ||
But those finance guys, they make money. | ||
That's all they do. | ||
They don't do anything. | ||
They just find a way to make more money. | ||
That's all they do. | ||
Well, they don't even make it. | ||
No. | ||
Yeah, they don't physically make it. | ||
Yeah, they move it around. | ||
They move it around, but take some for themselves. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Giant chunks of it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We made a big deal today. | ||
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What'd you do? | |
You moved ones and zeros for non-physical plays to another non-physical plays? | ||
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Yeah. | |
It's crazy. | ||
But they make all the fucking money. | ||
And a lot of them are fucking barbarians. | ||
I used to work out with a lot of these guys that became stock market guys. | ||
They became stockbrokers back in Boston. | ||
And they were fucking animals. | ||
They were savages. | ||
And then I ran into one of them and he was wearing a suit and tie and he looked great. | ||
And I was like, what are you doing? | ||
What the fuck? | ||
He goes, hey, I'm stockbroker now. | ||
I'm a stockbroker. | ||
And he was just making all this money in the stock market and just doing coke and punching people. | ||
It's a crazy business. | ||
I mean, there's like no morals at all in that business. | ||
And a lot of the shit they do, I think, is illegal in other countries. | ||
Well, it should be. | ||
I mean, look at what the infamous market crash of 2008. I mean, what was that all about? | ||
Nobody got prosecuted. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, it's kind of crazy if you look at... | ||
I mean, how much of the same laws are still in place that allowed them to do that and allowed them to set up the whole subprime mortgage loan crisis thing? | ||
When you look at what that actually was, it was like a gigantic pump and dump scheme for the whole country. | ||
It's just crazy that no one went to jail. | ||
Well, that's another thing where both parties, they're not that different. | ||
They get marketed as they're so different, but they're really not that different. | ||
They basically work for whoever has the most money. | ||
I think socially they're different. | ||
That's the only area they're different. | ||
But financially, most of them are just corrupt, feeding the same... | ||
Feeding the same shit. | ||
They don't work for people. | ||
They work for mega corporations that have billions and billions and billions. | ||
Well, that's the only way you can get into the White House unless you're a Donald Trump guy. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Unless you have your own money where you can finance your own campaign. | ||
I don't even think he has enough money to do it. | ||
I don't even think he does. | ||
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Really? | |
I don't think so. | ||
I think the money that you're talking from these corporations is much more than he can have as an individual. | ||
And I think the biggest reason that he's been able to get his message out so much is how much free press he gets. | ||
Right. | ||
That's a good point. | ||
It's like the news has always taken, oh, I don't know, how does he keep being ahead? | ||
I'm like, you're all he fucking shows. | ||
It's like he's getting hours of free advertisement every fucking day. | ||
I've never seen a political campaign where they actually go, breaking news, Trump's giving a speech in Iowa, and they just show the whole fucking speech for an hour. | ||
Yeah, well, they're hoping he says something wacky about Muslims. | ||
Right, and that's never happened before, where they actually just show an entire campaign speech, you know? | ||
And then, like, wow, I wonder why the other Republicans don't have that much votes, because you don't even fucking show 30 seconds of their campaign speech. | ||
To me, it seems like, and I don't... | ||
I try not to watch this stuff too much until it gets down to the last couple of months of the campaign. | ||
But it feels like that what Donald Trump's doing is sprinting. | ||
Like there's a marathon going on and he just came out of the gate running as fast as he can. | ||
Like, he's winning! | ||
Like, but you can't keep that up. | ||
You can't keep that up. | ||
And the way he's talking, it's almost like he's trolling. | ||
Like when he said he wants to ban Muslims coming into America, I'm like, what are you talking about, man? | ||
You can't... | ||
What? | ||
You're gonna ban Muslims? | ||
All of them? | ||
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Yeah. | |
You can't have a religion? | ||
Because, wait a minute, what percentage of the people are we talking about that are blowing things up and shooting people? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Is it even one one-hundredth of one percent? | ||
Probably not. | ||
No, it's not even. | ||
Probably not. | ||
But you're going to ban all the Muslims that are coming? | ||
What the fuck? | ||
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Yeah. | |
He's out of his fucking mind. | ||
And then he did a speech about it. | ||
They asked him, and he goes, well, what I'm talking about wouldn't even have to be for that long. | ||
Like, what are you talking about? | ||
He goes, just until we figure out what the hell is going on. | ||
Like, he's just speaking in these sort of vague terms. | ||
It's like, I feel like he's trolling. | ||
I don't feel like he's a real serious candidate. | ||
Yeah, you almost hope it's, like, in six months, he's gonna not, he's gonna withdraw and just say the entire thing was, like, some kind of bizarre performance art thing, you know? | ||
Just making fun of our entire media. | ||
A big Joaquin Phoenix sort of thing. | ||
And political arena. | ||
The news media is just... | ||
I don't like them. | ||
I think they're fucking horrendous. | ||
Period. | ||
Well, what they are is a business. | ||
That's what I'm saying. | ||
And that's what people don't realize. | ||
They're an entertainment business. | ||
And that's what's entertaining. | ||
A guy like Donald Trump is entertaining. | ||
Right. | ||
But they should be labeled. | ||
They shouldn't be allowed to be called news. | ||
You're right. | ||
And I think that happened to Fox News in Canada. | ||
Really? | ||
I think they were not allowed to be broadcast in Canada unless they were labeled as entertainment and not news. | ||
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What? | |
Really? | ||
Yeah, I think so. | ||
Someone told me that recently. | ||
The girls that they have on that show. | ||
They're too distracting. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
Too hot. | ||
Too many she demons. | ||
I think that should be the way with, you know, 90% of the news, you know, because it's just, you know, it's not about giving you real news. | ||
It's about getting viewers. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, there's a lot of really interesting things that are going on in the world. | ||
They're not going to cover it because it's not going to attach to your reptilian brain. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's not going to... | ||
Your mind is not going to... | ||
Just like when things are slower, you know, if there's some missing eight-year-old white girl... | ||
That'll be the news story for two years. | ||
Yeah, I mean how many brown kids get killed every day? | ||
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Nothing. | |
One little cute white girl with pigtails gets scooped up in a van. | ||
They're finally doing that a little bit less now, but for decades that was the main news thrust. | ||
It works. | ||
That's the thing though. | ||
I mean this Donald Trump thing, it fucking works. | ||
You have that guy on TV, you're gonna get people to pay attention. | ||
It's sad. | ||
It's sad, but it's... | ||
It is what it is. | ||
But I think today, it's sort of opened the door for all these alternative news sources. | ||
Yeah, if you want to get real news, you really have to put effort in. | ||
It's not going to just show up on your television. | ||
Well, the internet is a fantastic resource now because you can get all sorts of unbiased perspectives and perspectives from all these different sides. | ||
You can also get misinformation, so you've got to be careful. | ||
But there's a lot of stuff you can get all over the world. | ||
You can go online and watch news from other countries and see how they report. | ||
One of the cool things about New York, though, as opposed to LA, is that New York is not a showbiz-based city. | ||
Correct. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's more diverse that way. | ||
But I tell you, more and more and more, it just feels like a finance city. | ||
I keep hearing that, man. | ||
You're not the only guy that told me this. | ||
We had Giuliani for eight years, and then we had Bloomberg for 12. Now, legally, you're only allowed to be a mayor for eight, maximum. | ||
And then Bloomberg was like, well, I want to change things. | ||
And so they did a new vote, and it was just amongst, I think, other politicians, and he got voted to be allowed to go a third term. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
Why can't Obama do that? | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
But yeah, Bloomberg did it. | ||
And Bloomberg was interesting, because he's a Republican and very conservative on some issues, especially financially. | ||
But then on some other issues, he wasn't. | ||
So, you know, he was good and bad. | ||
And Giuliani did good and bad things, too. | ||
You know, I mean, for the arts, Giuliani was horrendous. | ||
He was closing down. | ||
They found a loophole from some law from the 1800s about how you can't have dancing... | ||
You have to have a cabaret license if anyone's going to dance at a bar. | ||
So if a couple of people just, if you wanted to put on, if there's a bar and they have an extra room and you want to put on a comedy show or something and someone's dancing or a sketch comedy show and someone's dancing in a skit, they can shut you down. | ||
Yeah, so he started acting laws like that. | ||
So he started actually enforcing them? | ||
They started enforcing that, yeah, yeah. | ||
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Wow. | |
What was the purpose behind that? | ||
Why did he want to do that? | ||
What was his motivation? | ||
I don't know, but he also closed a lot of the strip clubs. | ||
He enacted this, I think it was either the 60-40 law or the 40-60 law. | ||
And for a while there was a comedy club that was... | ||
So basically, if you had a strip club, he changed the laws so that now only 40% of your place can be a strip club. | ||
60% has to be another business. | ||
That was a law that... | ||
unidentified
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What? | |
Yeah, that was a law that... | ||
Wait a minute. | ||
Yeah. | ||
What does that mean? | ||
Like, you could sell hats? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Or, you know, you just have... | ||
Like, I remember for a while when they closed some of the porno theaters in Times Square. | ||
These are places that go back pre-internet, you know, where you actually go to a movie theater to watch a porno. | ||
Because that used to be the only place you could fucking watch one. | ||
And it's just, you know... | ||
Bunch of depressed guys jerking off or waiting to jerk off. | ||
So I went to one of those after they had closed the porn. | ||
It was a short period. | ||
I think it was only a few months or something. | ||
They were just showing old John Wayne movies and shit. | ||
What? | ||
And there were still just like 30 guys in there. | ||
Most of these are guys on edge. | ||
This is like 20 years ago. | ||
Guys on edge and homeless guys just sitting there. | ||
It was maybe the most depressing thing I had seen. | ||
I think guys were thinking they were still... | ||
I was wondering, do they think they're still going to show the pornos? | ||
Because it says it's a John Wayne movie. | ||
Or are they just holding on, hopefully, that maybe they'll sneak a porno in there or something. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
It was one of the most depressing things I had seen. | ||
But yeah, so they had this 60-40 law, and I remember there was a comedy club for a while that was in one of them. | ||
I can't remember if it was called Stringfellows or another one. | ||
It was on around 21st Street and Broadway, which is, you know, a business and residential area. | ||
It's not like it's an area where there's just tons of porn. | ||
So you have like, you know, expensive apartments and other business stuff. | ||
And then, oh, here's a porno place. | ||
And I mean, a strip club, you know. | ||
And so basically, 60% of it became a comedy club. | ||
But they still had strippers working there. | ||
And it was such a weird feeling, but I'd never felt more safe at a comedy club, because they still had all the bouncers from the strip club there. | ||
So it's all these guys in, like, tuxedos. | ||
These huge dudes in tuxedos. | ||
And the stage was, like, really high. | ||
Because it's designed to be looking up at strippers. | ||
And people can't grab you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then downstairs were lockers where the strippers were changing and shit. | ||
So you had to be seeing them down there. | ||
How bizarre. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
And then you just go through a little swivel door and then you're in the strip club. | ||
But that didn't last too long. | ||
But they had to do that for a while because they enacted these new laws and they had to do something. | ||
That is so strange. | ||
So this is a new law, or was it an old law? | ||
No, this was when Giuliani... | ||
I think the 60-40 was a new law that he enacted. | ||
But that doesn't even make any sense. | ||
But is it 60% in terms of revenue, or is it in terms of physical space? | ||
I think it's physical space. | ||
Here it is right here. | ||
A legacy of the Giuliani area in New York, the 60-40 rule forces any adult business to devote more than 40% of its square footage to adult entertainment. | ||
There you go. | ||
No more than 40% to adult entertainment, meaning the strip clubs must fill the other 60% with non-adult business endeavors. | ||
Yeah. | ||
This is why the Penthouse Executive Club has Robert's Steakhouse and New York Dolls has a bikini bar front lounge. | ||
What an asshole. | ||
What an asshole to think that he can enforce that. | ||
Most of them just fucking went out of business. | ||
They're gone. | ||
They're just gone. | ||
What a shit rule. | ||
But I remember going to New York in, like, 81, and it was so cool. | ||
You would see Cats, you know, the big Broadway show Cats, and then right next to it, the Sperminator. | ||
And it was just like, I just love that variety. | ||
You know, that dichotomy of seeing, you know, the grungiest shit next to the highest-end shit, you know? | ||
And it was just, it was exciting, you know? | ||
But now it's just, it's just corporate, corporate, corporate, corporate, corporate. | ||
Well, Times Square. | ||
Chain, chain, chain. | ||
Yeah, but almost, it's almost like, like, Times Square's now all just chain places. | ||
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Yeah. | |
But now that's becoming, you just see it spreading throughout the whole city. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, I, I, like, I overhear college kids, you know, and they're, they're excited. | ||
They're like, oh yeah, my dorm's so great, because there's a Panera Bread right next to it, and, uh, And there's a Quiznos, you know, right nearby, and I'm just like, what the fuck, you know? | ||
It's like, it's hard to even get a good slice of pizza in New York anymore. | ||
Really? | ||
Because, much harder. | ||
Two things happened. | ||
60-40. | ||
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No, not the 60-40% porn. | |
That'd be cool. | ||
Your business has to be 40% porn. | ||
You have to have 40% tits. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So what happened with the pizza is, well, first of all, Manhattan and half of Brooklyn, hardly any of the people that live there are actually from New York anymore. | ||
So you don't even like, you don't have, so you have people moving from the suburbs, so they don't really know good pizza. | ||
So they're not really New Yorkers. | ||
They're just kind of living there because they're making a lot of money now. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So instead of, like, you know how L.A. is very transient? | ||
Everyone, like, I was voted most beautiful in high school, so I'm going to go to L.A. and try to become an actor or an actress. | ||
Well, New York is now... | ||
I got good grades in school, and my dad works for this firm, and that firm hired me in New York, so that's why I'm in New York. | ||
So it's changed a lot. | ||
Like, almost every girl I've gone out with in the past... | ||
Seven, eight years is either finance or a corporate lawyer or something like that. | ||
Because that's who you meet. | ||
It's like, I don't meet anyone. | ||
Like here in LA, everyone I meet is doing something in arts or entertainment or trying to. | ||
And in New York, that happens maybe 5-10% of the time. | ||
How bizarre. | ||
So it's just a gigantic financial city now. | ||
Yeah, and that's what Bloomberg wanted, because that's his background, and his goal was to make it the financial center of the world, and I think he kind of did. | ||
Because when I first started doing comedy in New York in the late 80s and early 90s, You know, because I moved to New York in 87, there was always, you know, the Wall Street guys, you know, but it was down in one area, in Wall Street, and now that business is throughout the whole city, you know. | ||
Wow. | ||
So it's grown, and... | ||
It's going to be hard to reverse. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Yeah, I don't... | ||
You can sort of gentrify an area, but taking an area and making it more local and independent and getting artists and stuff in, good luck. | ||
Yeah, because I think even... | ||
I remember even years ago, Comics, you know, and some people might say, oh, this is sex, whatever, but, you know, I think it's just guy locker room talk, but to have arguments, who's got hotter chicks, New York or L.A.? That's definitely sexist. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And we don't allow that on this show. | ||
Yeah, because you can't talk about feelings. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So anyways, so, you know, comics, you travel around, you always have that argument, who's got the hotter chicks, New York and L.A.? Canada. | ||
Canada's very hot chicks. | ||
So they... | ||
So, like, it used to be, like, it was always close, you know, and then some guys would always agree with LA, some guys would say New York, and now, I think if you would have to place the vote, I think LA would win easily, you know, because New York, you don't see the variety of, like, you used to see women from, you know, all over the world, so that, you know, everyone on the planet, you'd see women, you know, beautiful women from everywhere, and it was just, you know, you don't see this variety of Anywhere, but in New York, you would see it. | ||
Now, you don't see it that much. | ||
And, you know, you don't even see a lot of interesting fashion walking around the streets of New York. | ||
You used to always see that, you know, because if everyone's working in finance, that's, you know, that's not the most fashionable group of people, you know? | ||
They're not interested in that. | ||
Well, it seems like the worst, in terms of, like, artistic people, in terms of, like, creative people, like, if that's going to take over, that's going to be the worst for that. | ||
You mean, for hotness, you mean? | ||
No, I mean, for having diversity, for having unique people, for having artistic people. | ||
Like, there's a lot of industries that could move in where things could be kind of cool, like if the tech industry moves in. | ||
Like, San Francisco is a good example. | ||
A lot of money in San Francisco, and a lot of people are complaining, but a lot of weird, cool shit is there, too, still. | ||
Like, a lot of freaky people. | ||
It's interesting. | ||
A lot of the people in tech are unique and odd and eccentric. | ||
You're not getting that in finance. | ||
You're not getting the creative types. | ||
No. | ||
And often when you meet them, you know, and a lot of them are nice too, you know, they usually kind of heckle themselves, you know, say they're boring, they work at a good job or whatever, you know. | ||
What are the clubs like now? | ||
Well, the clubs are doing well because you have a, you know, the city, since it's gotten safer, the tourism is up. | ||
Is it a lot safer? | ||
Oh, much safer than it was 20 years ago. | ||
Much, much safer. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
There's not much crime there. | ||
There just isn't. | ||
That's incredible. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Are anywhere from $500,000 to $1.5 million. | ||
And that's a one-bedroom that's probably 70% smaller than a one-bedroom in LA. It's like a new one-bedroom in the village in New York will be well over a million dollars. | ||
Yeah, we thought about, my wife and I thought about getting a place here at one point in time. | ||
We're like, maybe we should move to New York. | ||
Maybe it would be a good thing. | ||
Maybe we would try something different. | ||
We were looking at apartments that were three bedrooms for five million bucks. | ||
Like, what the fuck is that? | ||
It's insane. | ||
That's crazy apartment. | ||
You can buy two houses in the Hollywood Hills for that. | ||
Yeah, it's a fucking apartment. | ||
You don't even have a yard. | ||
You don't even have a parking spot. | ||
Yeah, and also those apartments, unlike if you buy a house, they have the building monthly maintenance fees, which can be easily two to three grand a month, and that's just going out the window. | ||
So it's like owning and renting at the same time. | ||
You're right. | ||
That's a good way to put it. | ||
So for years, I've been thinking about buying a place, and then I'll look for a few months, then I'll get frustrated, I'll quit. | ||
Why do you want to stay there? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Well, my folks and my brother, they're in Maryland and D.C., so I kind of want to be close to them. | ||
And I, you know, every time I come to LA, I always, because I lived out here for a couple years in the early 2000s, I keep thinking, oh, maybe I should just move here, you know? | ||
So I just, I don't know where to, I'm at the point in my career where, like, I don't know where I want to live, you know? | ||
You know, it was funny, even Anthony Bourdain, who's like this long-term New Yorker, and who's like, you know, kind of like, when I think of New York, I think of guys like him. | ||
Sure, yeah. | ||
He was telling me that he had thought about it many times, about living in LA, you know? | ||
I'm like, really? | ||
It's like people are recognizing that there's like a weird shift Yeah, well, people, I remember, you know, 15, 20 years ago, the big thing with, there's always been this sort of, you know, love-hate with L.A. and New York. | ||
You know, I always noticed, like, it seems like there's always, L.A. comics seem to have a little bit of a fear towards New York comics a little bit, or a little bit sort of, like, respect. | ||
I've always noticed, even with, like, club owners, it's like, or even with actors, you even notice, oh, a New York actor, that means they know stage. | ||
And then even with L.A., it's like, Oh, those New York guys, they're getting on six, seven times a night. | ||
They're just in New York because they just want comedy. | ||
They're not interested in other stuff. | ||
And I'm like, you guys are really exaggerating things a lot. | ||
It's like, first of all, you can't be doing six and seven shows a night every fucking night. | ||
It's just, you know, once in a while you can do that, but you're going to go fucking crazy if you do that. | ||
And then just geographically getting to all those spots on time is not fucking easy to do. | ||
Yeah, unless you have Bill Burr at a helicopter, you're around the city. | ||
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
And most comics just aren't doing that many. | ||
New York City does have more comedy clubs than L.A., and the city's also geographically smaller, so you can't get to them. | ||
But if you're doing, let's say you do four shows in one night, you're probably going to be spending... | ||
Just to get to those, you're going to need a cab. | ||
So you're probably going to be spending $40 to $50 to $60 a night, and you're probably making $70. | ||
$40 to $50 to $60 a night? | ||
Yeah, you know what I mean? | ||
So it's like there's not that much. | ||
I also think now, compared to when I lived here in the early 2000s, the comedy scene in L.A. has grown. | ||
I think it's very healthy here. | ||
And I think it's much better. | ||
The store is like rocking every night. | ||
It's on fire. | ||
And they got three rooms, and they're all great fucking rooms, and each one has a different personality to it. | ||
You know what's crazy? | ||
This year is the first year the store has been profitable in like forever. | ||
Wow. | ||
I believe it. | ||
This last year. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
I mean, Adam's done an amazing job there. | ||
Oh, he's the best. | ||
He's the best. | ||
Amazing fucking job. | ||
I fucking love that guy. | ||
It's so cool having a guy who's like the talent coordinator, who's just a regular, like, he's my friend. | ||
Like, I'd hang out with that guy. | ||
It's very rare that anything like that ever happens. | ||
He's the best. | ||
He's the best. | ||
But, you know, I mean, of the two cities in America, you know, LA and New York has the most comics and the best comics. | ||
You know where there's a really underrated scene? | ||
unidentified
|
Where? | |
Denver. | ||
A lot of good comics come out of Denver. | ||
I believe that. | ||
Dan Soder's from there. | ||
Can't think of who else right now. | ||
That's Wendy Curtis. | ||
One woman. | ||
Right. | ||
She's the best. | ||
She's an animal. | ||
That chick. | ||
She's owned that place forever. | ||
She started working there as a waitress at the comedy works. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
And then she established, when she started taking over, she established like a whole system, like an open mic system. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
A system of taking people from open micers to making them MCs, to making them middle acts, to making them headliners. | ||
She's got like locally made headliners. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
Like legit comics that go on, they go on the road, and it's amazing. | ||
Well, I think that point you bring up is interesting because I think, you know, years ago, you know, there were like a few main cities if you wanted to be different or do something entertainment. | ||
There's pretty much Newark and L.A. And now it's like there's... | ||
Or even if, like, let's say, you know, 40 years ago, if you wanted to be gay, you would move to one of the big cities. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
You know, but now it's like every city has their gay communities. | ||
Even, like, Little Town. | ||
You know, Buffalo has a big gay community. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Don't you think that's the internet is a big part of that? | ||
I do. | ||
People find each other? | ||
Yeah, yeah, I do. | ||
I do. | ||
And I think just, but I think that, the fact that other places have gotten better is also another reason New York has gotten more generic. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Because if you were a freak, if you were a weirdo and outsider, people would be like, move to New York, move to the big city, get away from the small town. | ||
Now, you can find cool shit in your small town. | ||
So it's not attracting that as much as the interesting peoples it used to for that reason, which is great. | ||
But then the finance thing and then with everything being so expensive, I actually think LA has a lot of interesting people moving to it and living in LA. I think LA has a lot of cool shit going on. | ||
Yeah, I think so. | ||
Stand-up comedy, I think it's the best place right now. | ||
I think it's the best place as far as the amount of talent, the amount of really high-level people there, and the amount of really good clubs. | ||
I think it's the best spot. | ||
Yeah, I couldn't say which city's better. | ||
They're both excellent. | ||
New York still has more clubs. | ||
They're a different kind of club, though. | ||
They're smaller. | ||
Oh, they're much smaller. | ||
Smaller stage. | ||
Much smaller. | ||
Much smaller. | ||
That smaller stage also lends itself to a different style of comedy. | ||
It does. | ||
It does. | ||
More personal. | ||
More like, where are you from, sir? | ||
That kind of shit. | ||
Less movement. | ||
Small stages. | ||
I like comics in general. | ||
I mean, these are big generalizations, but in general, a little more physical. | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So it's interesting. | ||
I don't know. | ||
But I think all three of the main clubs are doing quite well in L.A. Yeah. | ||
No, they definitely aren't. | ||
The Laugh Factory's not doing that good. | ||
Oh, it isn't? | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
Yeah, you can go to the Laugh Factory on many a night and it's half filled. | ||
Really? | ||
Interesting. | ||
Because when I lived here in the early 2000s, that was like the happening club. | ||
Yeah, it's dropped off. | ||
And the improv and the store were kind of struggling. | ||
The store and the improv are killing it right now. | ||
The improv has two clubs now. | ||
I know. | ||
I did their little room when I was here last month. | ||
It was great. | ||
Yeah, it's really cool how they've set that up. | ||
That's a smart move, the way they've done it. | ||
That's how it used to be a long time ago. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
That's actually where Ari Shaffir started off his... | ||
Powerful Ari Shafir t-shirt. | ||
I know I saw that. | ||
Ari Shafir started off his This Is Not Happening show. | ||
Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
He started off in the annex, which is like this little side room. | ||
Right, right. | ||
And he nurtured it. | ||
That show that he has on Comedy Central is a genuine hard work success story. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Because what Ari did is he had this concept, and this concept was this will be a good way to generate new material if instead of being under the pressure of like punchline, punchline, punchline, doing it in a stand-up sense. | ||
Let's do something where you just tell stories. | ||
Right. | ||
Like, here's a crazy, fucked up story that happened to me, and out of that story, maybe there'll be some jokes. | ||
Right, right. | ||
Maybe there'll be some something that I could mine out of that. | ||
That's cool. | ||
And so he did that, and then eventually went to do it on the web, did it on the web, and then eventually Comedy Central picked it up, and now it's on its third season. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
That's great. | ||
unidentified
|
He's killing it. | |
That's awesome. | ||
It's amazing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's beautiful. | ||
And it's just a matter of growing. | ||
Putting it together, nurturing it, it grows. | ||
Nurturing it more, it grows. | ||
Well, that's the other thing. | ||
Just being able to have space, like LA, like New York, there's no space. | ||
Here there's space you can grow. | ||
Exactly. | ||
Even if you look at podcasting. | ||
I mean, I'm not an expert on this, but it seems to me that it started basically in LA. It's an LA kind of movement, the podcasting. | ||
If you look at the big podcasts and comedy, you know, it's LA. I remember when I first started coming out here in like... | ||
Probably late 90s, early 2000s. | ||
It was weird. | ||
The story was about New York comics. | ||
They'd move out here and they'd basically just stop doing comedy because it was too hard to get on. | ||
There weren't enough places to get on. | ||
And then before you know it, they're just going out every once in a while or every week getting drunk and doing karaoke. | ||
That was the thing. | ||
What? | ||
Yeah, it seemed like there was a lot of comics. | ||
We're always going out doing karaoke, like when I first moved here. | ||
Who the fuck were you hanging out with? | ||
I don't know. | ||
There's a lot of fucking comics that were doing that. | ||
I don't know any of those people. | ||
I'm like, no, I don't want to fucking do karaoke. | ||
I want to do comedy. | ||
I'm not coming out here to do that shit, you know? | ||
But then at some point, it's like... | ||
And also, there's more free time out here. | ||
Like, New York, you're constantly... | ||
I'm not talking as a comic. | ||
This is a person. | ||
You're constantly rushed. | ||
It's just a busy city. | ||
It's so congested. | ||
It's hard to relax. | ||
You know, here you can relax. | ||
You got space, you can get privacy, you can relax. | ||
Like when people in New York go on vacation, they usually want to do something boring. | ||
When people in LA go on vacation, they want to do something exciting. | ||
Eco-tourism. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Paragliding. | ||
Yeah, so there's more... | ||
But, you know, I really like... | ||
And the audiences are a little different between New York and here, but New York really only has, even though it has, like, probably 15 comedy clubs, there's probably only about three that are, like, actually good clubs. | ||
I think it has a lot more than 15. I think New York has a shitload of comedy clubs. | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
unidentified
|
I think there's more than 100. No, no, no, not full-time comedy clubs. | |
No. | ||
Find out, Jamie. | ||
Yeah. | ||
How many comic books are in New York? | ||
I don't know. | ||
It's a lot, though. | ||
Hedge your bets. | ||
What do you say? | ||
What's the over-under? | ||
I'm going to go 19. I'm going 50. Okay. | ||
I went with 100 just to be cocky. | ||
But I'm going to say there's 50. But LA has... | ||
I mean, if you look at LA, they probably have like eight now, right? | ||
Well, in the greater LA area, there's quite a few. | ||
Like, you know what's really good? | ||
I just started doing the new Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood. | ||
I did it last Thursday night. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Dude! | ||
I did it last Thursday night, and now I'm doing it this Thursday night again. | ||
It's fucking incredible! | ||
What a room! | ||
It's perfectly set up. | ||
Low ceiling, packed in, great stage size. | ||
I used to do that years ago, that place. | ||
I did the old one. | ||
Yeah, every time I went there, the stage was in a different spot. | ||
Like, the guy was constantly redoing it. | ||
So I gotta check that out. | ||
The old one is just down the street from the new one. | ||
Just down the street. | ||
Is it still there? | ||
Yeah, it's still there. | ||
So there's two of them? | ||
Yeah, but one of them's a ha-ha, one of them's something else now. | ||
Same owner? | ||
I think he still owns it. | ||
He leases it out to somebody, but the new spot is a gem. | ||
The new spot is one of the best clubs in the city. | ||
Awesome. | ||
It's perfect. | ||
I was like, wow, this place is fucking hopping. | ||
That's cool. | ||
Yeah, I did it last Thursday, and I was like, wow, I'm sold, man. | ||
I will nurture this place, keep this place going. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
When I prepared for my last Comedy Central special last August, I was doing the ha-ha all the time. | ||
Oh, cool. | ||
I was doing it every Tuesday night for a few months. | ||
And you were doing like a long set, right? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Because you can fuck around there. | ||
You can do long sets there. | ||
Then there's Flappers, which I don't do. | ||
I haven't done that yet in Burbank, yeah. | ||
I've done it once. | ||
It was really good. | ||
But, you know, you can do that. | ||
The Ice House, which I'm doing tonight. | ||
I have a 10 o'clock show there tonight. | ||
That place is the shit. | ||
Yeah, everyone loves that. | ||
I haven't been there yet. | ||
You haven't been? | ||
Not yet, no. | ||
Are you around tonight? | ||
I don't think I can tonight. | ||
What time is this show? | ||
You son of a bitch! | ||
You're letting people down. | ||
10 o'clock. | ||
Okay. | ||
But tonight it's sold out. | ||
It's Greg Fitzsimmons, Tony Hinchcliffe, Bert Kreischer, and who the fuck else? | ||
Oh, Al Madrigal, too. | ||
Oh, cool. | ||
Hell of a show. | ||
Hell of a show, goddammit. | ||
But the Ice House is the oldest comedy club in the world. | ||
The known world. | ||
Is it really? | ||
unidentified
|
Maybe the universe. | |
The whole universe. | ||
The oldest comedy club in the universe. | ||
It's older than the improv. | ||
Yes. | ||
It's the oldest place. | ||
It was a legitimate ice house, like where you would get ice back when people didn't have freezers. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Or you get a chunk of ice and you put it in the ice box and it's going to keep your food perishables cold. | ||
And then in the 1960s, the very early 60s, it became a comedy club. | ||
So it's been a legitimate comedy club for more than 50 years. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's the best. | ||
That's my favorite place on the planet. | ||
Next to the store. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
The store's different in a different place because it's like this crazy psycho energy gym where, you know, you're fucking around, you're working, and you'll bring up, you know, there's like a million great comics. | ||
You're bringing up Ian Edwards and this guy and that guy, and it's like, it's just, you look at the lineup and it's like 13 murderers in a row. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
No, it's great. | ||
It's, uh... | ||
Yeah, I enjoy doing... | ||
The audiences are always... | ||
It seems like they're always like a... | ||
I can't quite put into words what the differences are, but they're always... | ||
The West Coast in general, like a little bit different than East Coast audiences, but... | ||
East Coast seem to be more cynical. | ||
Yeah, more cynical, a little less squeamish, like the darker shit a little bit more sometimes, but not always. | ||
Well, I think the cold and the being packed in and everybody just jammed on top of each other like, fuck you! | ||
There's more anger there. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Or they let it out more. | ||
Sometimes. | ||
Sometimes I think there's more anger in LA, but it's more pent up. | ||
There's something about New York, though, when I stay there, whenever I'm staying there and I'm in a hotel and I look out the window and I just see this insane construction, this thing that people have put together, this modern beehive of cement and steel and glass. | ||
I'm like, this is amazing, especially at night. | ||
Last time I was there, I spent a good solid two hours just sitting at the desk in my hotel room looking out the window, just looking. | ||
Just looking around. | ||
Where did you stay? | ||
I don't remember which one. | ||
Oh, last time was at the Trump Tower. | ||
But I've stayed at a bunch of different, at Soho. | ||
Yeah, the Soho one, okay. | ||
I stayed at a bunch of different places. | ||
But I forget which place I was at. | ||
I was at one place once where I was in the middle of like all these buildings and it was like freaky. | ||
Like you look out the window, you're looking at somebody else and they're looking out the window. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
And there's fucking buildings stacked on top of buildings. | ||
It's hard to get privacy. | ||
Well, there's almost, I mean, how many people watch people fuck in New York? | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's got to be really common. | ||
Yeah. | ||
There was a Radiolab podcast about that. | ||
It was really strange. | ||
It was about this woman, and she was telling the tale of how she watched this couple, and she would watch this couple all the time, and it made her kind of feel weird about her own relationship, because this couple, they were young, and they would fuck all the time, and they didn't have the curtains drawn, and she would just watch these people fuck. | ||
And then the guy got sick. | ||
And then the family would be over, and she was watching this guy with her, and then he died. | ||
And then they carried him out of the building. | ||
And she saw this. | ||
Yeah, over the course of years. | ||
I would have stopped watching a long time ago. | ||
Well, it was her window. | ||
That was her view. | ||
It's like I look out my window, and there's a tree that I like to look at. | ||
Right, right, right. | ||
That couple. | ||
So she ran downstairs as they were taking the body out and putting it in a hearse. | ||
And, you know, she, like, made eye contact with the girl who lived with the guy, and they'd taken the body out, and she just felt like such a creep, but she also felt like she knew them. | ||
Yeah, she had a relationship. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
They didn't with her, but she did it with them. | ||
Yeah, like, that's a uniquely New York thing to happen, because anywhere else, like, you'd be a fucking creep. | ||
Like, you'd have to be some guy with... | ||
Well, she's still a fucking creep, but... | ||
But yes, I see what you're saying. | ||
Is she? | ||
I don't think she is. | ||
I think she's just looking at her world. | ||
Look, I don't think it's her responsibility to look away when some people are fucking and they're 30 yards outside of her window and they're in a window themselves. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
They're on display. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, are we pretending? | ||
Well, you're right. | ||
Windows are meant to be looked through. | ||
Looked out of and looked into. | ||
Yeah, you're correct. | ||
It works both ways. | ||
I don't think she's a creep at all. | ||
I think she's looking at her world. | ||
But it was interesting how she was really good at narrating this and explaining this. | ||
Sounds great. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I think it'd be a cool movie. | ||
Well, I don't know about that. | ||
I depressed the fuck out of here, I think. | ||
Because in the end, the dude dies. | ||
There's no heroes in that movie. | ||
But she ran downstairs and made eye contact with the people. | ||
And they were like, what the fuck are you? | ||
And she's like, oh god, I realize. | ||
They don't know me, but I know them. | ||
And I'm a creep. | ||
I gotta get out of here. | ||
And then she took her off. | ||
But that's super common in New York, where people are like, oh, there's the guy. | ||
There's the guy who practices the trumpet. | ||
There's the guy who jerks off. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah, I wish I had, I don't have any neighbors like that, but that sounds awesome. | ||
Do you look out your window? | ||
Yeah, there's definitely a building, there's like an expensive building right behind mine, and you can just see everyone's stuff, but I hardly ever look out. | ||
But why wouldn't you? | ||
You don't look out at those people? | ||
Because they'll be able to see me. | ||
And it freaks you out? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Just put your world champion hat on. | ||
Yeah, especially if I get recognized and they'll be blogging about you or tweeting about you. | ||
Hey, you're that guy from that show. | ||
Yeah, why are you looking at our fucking apartment? | ||
Hey, what show are you from again, man? | ||
What show is that? | ||
Are you a world champion guy? | ||
I lost my thing. | ||
An unplug? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Yeah, that thing. | ||
We gotta fix that, Jamie. | ||
That's happening way too often. | ||
I got it. | ||
I got it. | ||
It's all good. | ||
Look at you on the ball. | ||
Yeah, that's a weird way of living. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Stacked on top of everybody. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like everywhere else in the country, pretty much, other than, you know, Chicago and some other spots, most people are sort of, they have a house and a little bit of a yard, and then there's another house over there and a little bit of a yard. | ||
Yeah, you get some privacy. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
It's weird how they just decide one area is the area. | ||
Like, everybody, get here. | ||
Get here. | ||
It's not like there's a river that has gold salmon swimming through it. | ||
Initially, that's what it was. | ||
I mean, if you look at almost all big cities, they're usually on some body of water. | ||
But now, that's not really why it is. | ||
It's just... | ||
Well, there's other places that don't have a reason other than the fact that they're cool, but people are flocking to like Austin, Texas. | ||
Right, right. | ||
The middle of Texas. | ||
And every time I go there, I'm like, Jesus Christ, did a thousand people a day move here for the last 15 years? | ||
Like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
Yeah. | ||
But that is what's happening there. | ||
They keep hearing, like, I'm fucking up right now by saying Austin's awesome. | ||
Right. | ||
It is an awesome city. | ||
No, they've been doing that for years where the people who are from there are like, fuck, stop telling people about it. | ||
Yes, exactly. | ||
Because it's getting too crowded now, you know. | ||
And that's the thing that pulls people there is the university. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's another thing that pulls people. | ||
Like, like-minded people, intelligent people, educated people. | ||
And then they're also, like, it's out of all of the areas in Texas, it's the most open-minded community. | ||
The most diverse. | ||
Right, right. | ||
There's a lot of good food there, too. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Texas has great food, period. | ||
Fuck you. | ||
I don't think you can get a bad meal in Texas. | ||
You can definitely get a bad meal in Texas. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
I haven't had one. | ||
You can do it. | ||
I'll get you there. | ||
Okay. | ||
I'll get you one. | ||
Do you work in Texas at all? | ||
Yeah. | ||
What clubs do you do? | ||
Cap City? | ||
Cap City. | ||
I'll do the Moon Tower Festival. | ||
Haven't been there in a while, but the club in Dallas or... | ||
Addison. | ||
Addison. | ||
Yeah, that's a great club. | ||
Really good club, yeah. | ||
Houston used to be the shit. | ||
Yeah, years ago, but I don't really go there anymore. | ||
I haven't been there in a while. | ||
I've done colleges in and around, you know, all over Texas. | ||
So you still do colleges? | ||
That's like a big debate with comics these days. | ||
A lot of comedians don't want to do colleges anymore because it's just too difficult, too much politically correct attitude. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I don't really have a problem with it. | ||
I really haven't had a problem. | ||
Before I go on, you know, sometimes before I agree to do it, you know, I ask them, you know, if there's any restrictions. | ||
And sometimes there's no restrictions at all. | ||
Sometimes there are. | ||
What are the restrictions? | ||
Well, usually they never give it to you. | ||
They'll be like, well, we want HBO. No, SNL's fine, but not HBO. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? | ||
Who says that to you? | ||
Sometimes people running shows or whatever. | ||
Really? | ||
They'll be like, rated R but not rated X. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? | ||
I need specifics. | ||
I go, can I say fuck? | ||
Can I say pussy? | ||
I remember I did a show. | ||
This is like... | ||
Early on when I first started, it's probably like 91 or something like that. | ||
I did a show. | ||
I think Chris Mazzilli booked it, who owns Gotham Comedy Club in New York. | ||
A good dude. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
So he was booking a show that was way out in Brooklyn in an all-Orthodox Jewish neighborhood. | ||
And it was a show where the rabbis... | ||
It was in an Italian restaurant, an Orthodox Jewish... | ||
It was a kosher Italian, like, seafood restaurant, I think. | ||
It was a seafood restaurant. | ||
What? | ||
How is that even possible? | ||
Yeah, so everyone there is Orthodox Jewish, or even... | ||
They had a fair amount of Hasidic Jewish people there. | ||
And the rabbis in the room, and they had a sheet printed out of all the subjects and words you could and could not say. | ||
It was like, don't say schmeckle. | ||
Don't... | ||
Don't say sex. | ||
Don't mention sex. | ||
You know, all these fucking things. | ||
You know, I'm early on, so I think I paid 25 bucks. | ||
It's like an hour train ride out in Brooklyn. | ||
I'm like, fuck it, I'll do that shit. | ||
And it was not a good show. | ||
But I just remember that thing, how like, okay, they spelled out every fucking thing that you could not say. | ||
So it was very clear. | ||
So there's never a controversy. | ||
So when I do a college, I'm like, what can I say? | ||
What can I not say? | ||
Can I do any jokes about... | ||
Because I've done Catholic colleges. | ||
Can I do a joke about abortion? | ||
Can I do a joke about gay marriage? | ||
I have some bits about gay marriage. | ||
And with the Catholic Church, that's a big thing. | ||
So I'm like, I need specifics on subject matter and words. | ||
What is it? | ||
And I get that, and then everything's fine. | ||
But you've got to get that shit clear. | ||
But is that fine with you right now? | ||
Like, if they give you a list right now and they said, okay, look, Oh, some I pass on. | ||
No, some I pass on. | ||
What have you passed on? | ||
I can't remember. | ||
I think there was a Jewish gig I passed on, because it was... | ||
I think it was just... | ||
I can't remember what it was, but it was a very specific group, and it was just... | ||
I knew there were so many things you couldn't... | ||
You'd have to give this... | ||
They should have just had a kid playing the flute or something. | ||
It's like, don't even have a fucking comedy show. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Have some ten-year-olds tap dance or something. | ||
The kosher place. | ||
I wish you took a photo of the rules. | ||
I think I have it somewhere. | ||
unidentified
|
Where? | |
At home? | ||
I'm a pack rat, so I'm hoping I have it somewhere. | ||
I've got to look through my notes. | ||
Please, if you have it, email it to me. | ||
I will. | ||
I'll put it up on Instagram. | ||
But it was amazing. | ||
That needs to be displayed. | ||
But I understand that even when you do... | ||
If you're doing... | ||
Even with late-night talk shows on television, I will usually pass on doing stand-up on those, and if I can, I will do panel. | ||
Because in stand-up, there are going to be so many things in my stand-up act that I'll have to cut something, I'll have to not say a word or a certain subject matter, and I'm like, I don't want to cut that out of my stand-up. | ||
I don't want to censor my stand-up act at all. | ||
I want to do zero censorship with it. | ||
But if I'm doing panel, and I want you to do some bits on the couch, it's a little bit of a different dynamic. | ||
You know, and it's like, I'll more likely do that. | ||
I'd rather censor it there than do it in my stand-up act. | ||
Well, it's also interactive. | ||
unidentified
|
Right, exactly. | |
So it's a little bit different. | ||
And you're a guest on their show, and these are their rules. | ||
So if I know that going in, I'm fine. | ||
But with those talk shows, when they want you to like, oh, can you not say this word on that stand-up bid or not that subject? | ||
I'm like, fuck it, I'm out. | ||
I'm not doing it. | ||
I'm not doing any censorship with my stand-up, you know? | ||
Yeah, that's why I would say, like, doing these shows... | ||
So with the colleges... | ||
Yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead. | ||
No, that's right, go ahead. | ||
No, they pay a lot, you know, colleges pay well in general, and I weigh it, and I'm like, alright, if this is gonna be it, this is what it is, you know? | ||
Like, I did a show at Princeton a few years ago, and this is a different issue, and it was... | ||
I mean, a lot of the crowd was like a shitty audience. | ||
They were like, you know, not all of them, but a fair amount were very, very spoiled, very entitled, and drunk as shit. | ||
And they're heckling. | ||
And normally, I would just fucking destroy them. | ||
But I'm like, if I heckle one of these kids, and I fucking rip them to shreds, In my head, I'm thinking, they're going to write a fucking letter, and then a nasty letter saying, oh, you did all these things, and then they're going to tell all these other colleges, and then I'll fucking stop working them. | ||
So I handled the heckler, but not how I would normally handle it. | ||
See, that is why people don't want to work colleges. | ||
No, I get it. | ||
I get it 100% when people don't want to do that. | ||
It's not worth it. | ||
I usually find a way... | ||
And the ones I've done this past year, I haven't had to censor anything that I do. | ||
They've all been really good. | ||
But that does happen sometimes. | ||
You're also dealing with a lot of people that don't have a lot of real-life experience. | ||
They're very young, idealistic. | ||
I've often said a 50-year-old janitor will have a better sense of humor than a 19-year-old Harvard student. | ||
You know because you know first of all comedy IQ comedy smarts Doesn't necessarily have anything to do with book smarts right and real life experience is huge you know I sometimes I find college audiences to be Almost more narrow-minded than even someone in high school. | ||
Oh someone in high school Even though they're a couple years younger than someone in college They don't have that because usually when people get to college they they kind of think they know everything but in high school They don't think they know everything. | ||
unidentified
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Right. | |
But in college, they do. | ||
So it's like they can never be wrong. | ||
Well, they're ready to establish themselves as independent adults. | ||
Right. | ||
They're ready, and they're ready to reinforce their ideas on you. | ||
Excuse me? | ||
Yeah. | ||
What you're saying is bullshit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
The patriarchy. | ||
Right. | ||
But I also make fun of that shit when I'll do colleges. | ||
If that shit comes up, I make fun of that shit. | ||
Well, that shit is important to make fun of. | ||
That's a goddamn cancer thought. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Well, that's what that one cartoon in the book is. | ||
I mean, it really is. | ||
It's like thought cancer. | ||
It's like there's a disease. | ||
There's a disease of fake progressiveness. | ||
It's really just calling people out on things and finding targets. | ||
Right. | ||
Well, it's kind of like when a kid's young and he's first learning about curse words and dirty words. | ||
He's just saying them constantly, doesn't even know what it means. | ||
So sometimes when people are trying to stand up for something, and this is a new thing, this activism is a new thing to them, they don't really know, they may not be that good at it yet. | ||
Their heart might be in the right place, but they're being misguided and they're fucking shit up. | ||
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. | ||
This goes back to what we were talking about earlier, where people never think they're wrong. | ||
It's okay to be wrong. | ||
My opinions change on things over the years, and I enjoy listening to people. | ||
I did a show in Columbus, Ohio at a comedy club there. | ||
I think it's a Funny Bone or something. | ||
I did a show there. | ||
It was the weekend that the Trayvon Martin case was going on with George Zimmerman. | ||
Do you know the black jokes? | ||
No, no, but I have jokes about gun control. | ||
The verdict came down that night. | ||
and the show's going on, and then the next day, and I still did my bits about it, and I'm talking to guys afterwards, and there were a couple guys in the audience, a black guy and a white guy, who were all super pro-gun, and they both worked for the biggest online gun seller in the country. | ||
And it was just very cool, you know, talking with them afterwards and getting, you know, their insight, as well as people who, you know, want strict gun controls. | ||
So it's just, it's interesting. | ||
You know, usually things aren't, you know, they're a lot more nuanced than you think they are, and there's a lot of issues. | ||
I just did a gig in Buffalo, and the waiter at the comedy club was like, hey, I won't see you tomorrow on Saturday because hunting season starts tomorrow, so me and my dad are driving out the woods and we're going to be hunting all day. | ||
And then the Uber driver who took me back to the airport was also hunting. | ||
And then he was telling me all the rules they have in hunting. | ||
Like, bullets can only be a certain size. | ||
And your rifle, you're only allowed to have three bullets in there. | ||
You're not allowed to have five bullets in there. | ||
And it's got to be certain bullets that, like, shoot through clean so they don't... | ||
If you hit the wrong place, it's not going to fuck up their whole leg. | ||
You know, all this kind of things that you don't even realize that are... | ||
What? | ||
What kind of bullets are these? | ||
unidentified
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What the fuck are you talking about? | |
Well, I think it's kind of like with fishing. | ||
There's a lot of fishing laws where your hook is not allowed to have, I forget what they're called, like the little daggers that go along the side. | ||
Because when you pull it out, they're the barbs. | ||
You don't want to be fucking the fish up. | ||
No, what that is is for catch and release places. | ||
unidentified
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Right, right. | |
That's what I'm talking about. | ||
But there's no catch and release with bullets. | ||
No, but there was something he was saying about, but it was a similar dynamic with the catch and release stuff with the hooks and with the bullets. | ||
Well, you can't have hollow point bullets, if that's what they mean, but those are mostly for pistols anyway. | ||
There's lead ammo versus copper ammo, but really the impact is environmental. | ||
They're worried about birds eating the lead. | ||
Okay, okay. | ||
That's an issue. | ||
Right, okay, but... | ||
What you're saying are things that most people don't even know exist, which is part of the conversation in gun control. | ||
Right. | ||
I think the gun control conversation and the hunting conversation are very different because I think what people are really concerned about when it comes to gun control are quote-unquote assault weapons. | ||
They're worried about what happened in San Bernardino, somebody having large magazines, semi-automatic weapons, killing a bunch of people. | ||
But also in cities versus suburbs and rural places, it's totally different. | ||
Sure. | ||
Like if a rural area and people are like, well, everyone owns guns, that's a hell of a lot different than if you're in a city and on one block you have 10,000 people living. | ||
Right. | ||
If you have 10,000 guns within 30 yards, that's a lot of fucking guns. | ||
That's a different dynamic. | ||
I don't know all the answers. | ||
I think one of the things you were talking about earlier about these people that are activists, that really have their heart in the right place, they're just learning how to do it right. | ||
I think that you could say that overall about what's going on with the internet in general. | ||
I think one of the big... | ||
Problems that people are having right now with progressive thinking and what people are calling regressive, regressive left, like people that are like very overly PC and trying to reinforce. | ||
I think what we're trying to do is make the world a little bit better and a little bit safer and a little bit more open-minded. | ||
But along the way, there's going to be a lot of stumbling blocks and there's going to be a lot of poor representations of these ideas. | ||
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
Sure! | ||
And you see it from the right, too. | ||
I mean, with Trump and some of the things he's saying. | ||
It's like, you know, some of these things are... | ||
He's so cartoonish. | ||
Yeah, but everyone... | ||
But even, like, what he's doing is similar to what happens sometimes on the left, where everyone is so confident about their idea. | ||
And they think, this is the only way. | ||
And it's like, it's usually a lot more complex than that. | ||
Yeah, almost always. | ||
Almost always more complex than that. | ||
There's a lot going on. | ||
There's a lot going on with human interaction. | ||
And I think, ultimately... | ||
Like, we should probably try to leave people alone as much as possible, let people do their own thing as much as possible, as long as what their own thing is isn't interfering with other people's things. | ||
I agree 100%. | ||
So that way, when someone, something like radical ideology, like Islam, extreme, you know, Muslim terrorist type characters that are doing what they did in San Bernardino and these other places, you gotta go, okay, well now it's a problem. | ||
Because now, you know, someone has stepped in, killed a bunch of people, and they've done it with guns. | ||
So we have these issues. | ||
We have these issues of radical ideologies, and we have these issues of guns. | ||
And we also have mental health issues. | ||
That's a big one that drives me fucking crazy. | ||
That every time someone is a mass shooter and kills a bunch of people, the gun control issue comes up over and over again. | ||
But what about the fucking mental health issue? | ||
Because the mental health issue is as big an issue as anything else. | ||
There's a lot of people in this world with guns. | ||
There's more guns in this country than there are people. | ||
But relatively speaking, there's very few mass shootings when you consider the amount of human beings. | ||
So what the fuck is it that makes people pop? | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
I mean, the stuff I've read recently says that gun shootings in general now are lower than they were 10 or 20 years ago, but mass shootings are up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Murder is down. | ||
Murder is the lowest murder rates. | ||
I tweeted this the other day. | ||
Lower than they have been in the last 50 years and maybe even ever. | ||
Interesting. | ||
But mass shootings, there's more of them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't know all the reasons. | ||
I don't think anybody knows. | ||
They also get publicized now. | ||
In a very instantaneous way. | ||
Social media, Twitter. | ||
I mean, I remember when the San Bernardino thing was happening, I just started seeing tweets. | ||
That was the first thing. | ||
You just immediately get, oh my god, something's happening in San Bernardino. | ||
What's going on? | ||
Hashtag San Bernardino. | ||
Yeah, it's trending, right. | ||
Trending. | ||
Trending's a weird word, right? | ||
Yeah, it's very weird. | ||
You don't want to be trending. | ||
Nah. | ||
You don't want to be trending. | ||
Nah. | ||
unidentified
|
Judah. | |
Judah World Champion. | ||
Hashtag Judah World Champion. | ||
If that was trending. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's not bad. | ||
Yeah. | ||
No, it's okay. | ||
Judah world champion rape case. | ||
No, that's not good. | ||
That's not good. | ||
Not good. | ||
But no, I don't know all the answers to that stuff. | ||
Nobody does. | ||
That's the reality. | ||
Nobody knows all the answers. | ||
With an open mind and intelligently, and people need to hear other people's ideas. | ||
All sides! | ||
You know what's fascinating? | ||
When a mass shooting happens, one of the big winners is the gun business, the gun industry. | ||
Oh, their sales go through the roof. | ||
Through the roof. | ||
Because everybody's scared that the government's going to take their guns. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
So everybody starts buying guns and buying boats. | ||
That's what I talked to those gun salesmen in Ohio when I did that gig. | ||
They said, through the roof. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's also, they always like to point out that those things don't happen very often in places where you have open carry. | ||
There's places where anybody can have a gun, you can take a gun anywhere you want. | ||
It's very rare that you have these mass shootings. | ||
Right. | ||
But, I mean, if there is a mass shooter, if there's someone that's shooting people, What do you want? | ||
Do you want everyone to be unarmed, or do you want everyone to be armed and just having fucking crazy gunfights? | ||
Like, what is the answer? | ||
I don't know what the answer is. | ||
Yeah, I mean, do you really want to live in a society where everyone has to carry a gun? | ||
Where you're just walking into Walmart with a fucking AR. Yeah, at what age would you be required to have a gun? | ||
You know, is it like when you get your driver's test at 15 or 16, is that when you get your gun also? | ||
Or do you get your gun when you're six? | ||
Well, that's another problem is how easy it is to get a gun as opposed to how easy it is to learn how to drive a car. | ||
If you're driving a car, you have to go through a lot of hoops and you have to learn... | ||
As it should be. | ||
As it should be. | ||
You don't have to do that with a gun. | ||
That's a problem. | ||
It's a real problem. | ||
You don't have to show competency. | ||
They don't have to test you on your marksmanship. | ||
I think Colbert just did a thing the other night saying you have to show more ID to get Sudafed than to get a gun. | ||
Well, especially ammo. | ||
There's more restrictions on Sudafed than there are on ammo. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
Yeah, I had to buy some recently. | ||
And when I bought it, they had to get my ID. And I was like, what? | ||
Like, you have to write down someone's ID when you buy Sudafed. | ||
Yeah, and that never used to be that way. | ||
In the 80s, you just go buy Sudafed. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Until they figured out how to make meth. | ||
That's what we need to do. | ||
Go back to the 80s. | ||
No internet. | ||
Everyone was stupid. | ||
The internet's the fucking problem. | ||
Yeah, the internet has recipes for how to make meth from cold syrup. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Remember when you started doing comedy? | ||
Did you ever think you were going to have to be doing tweets and shit like that? | ||
We were talking about that before the show. | ||
We were both tweeting. | ||
Like, yeah, no. | ||
I mean, it's a prerequisite. | ||
If you want to be a successful touring comedian, you have to tweet, you have to Facebook, you have to... | ||
I do three things. | ||
Facebook, tweet, Instagram. | ||
Those are my three things. | ||
Okay. | ||
I don't really do Facebook anymore. | ||
I just couldn't... | ||
I just kind of... | ||
I do Instagram, Twitter. | ||
I just started doing Periscope a little bit, but... | ||
I gave up on Periscope. | ||
Usually, I've done a few, and each one was me on the road, like, in a city, and I have no car, so I'm just, like, walking a mile to, like, the closest, like, CVS or gas station supermarket to buy some groceries. | ||
So, like, on the 20-minute walk, I'll be like, alright, I'll just fucking periscope this shit. | ||
Why don't you just rent a car? | ||
That's a good point, but then I'm not really going anywhere, you know? | ||
Go places. | ||
Not really, because I usually, on the road, it's like I have to get up early to do morning radio. | ||
I got shows late at night, and I'm just, I'm usually too tired to do anything during the day. | ||
Why don't you take some vitamins? | ||
Eat some healthy food. | ||
I do eat healthy food. | ||
No, I eat healthy food. | ||
I don't do vitamins, but I do healthy food. | ||
When you're on the road, do you bring your own openers? | ||
Not usually. | ||
I'm not at that point in my career where I can really, I'm not making enough money where I can do that, you know? | ||
I need to get up like another rung on the ladder and then I can be doing that. | ||
I think I'm like just below that. | ||
You run a successful television show though, right? | ||
I know, but I never translated anything into successful business. | ||
Just, yeah. | ||
Just didn't do it? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I'm just not a good business person. | ||
You know, it's like, I remember, like, I remember, you know, just doing this one show where, like, it was a road show and a bunch of comics were on it. | ||
And, like, there's two comics who are, like, they don't even have the better of the sets. | ||
And they're selling T-shirts. | ||
They got their CDs. | ||
They're selling left and right. | ||
And me and another couple are like, you know, no one's even talking to us, you know. | ||
And we had great sets. | ||
But, yeah, it's not, I don't know. | ||
I've never been good at selling stuff or organization or anything like that. | ||
Yeah, so you're just going on the road, doing your thing, getting the fuck out of there. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I'm trying to get to see the cities more and learn about them more instead of just going in and out. | ||
Are you looking to do more TV or are you just looking to do more stand-up now? | ||
What are you trying to do? | ||
Yeah, well, I think I'm going to... | ||
Stand-up has always been my main thing and still is. | ||
I spent most of the last year... | ||
When 30 Rock ended, actually, I... I stopped. | ||
I didn't even have an acting agent. | ||
And I wasn't looking for one. | ||
I haven't had an acting agent in about two years. | ||
When 30 Rock ended, I just wanted to hit the road and tour. | ||
Because I was still doing tons of stand-up while doing 30 Rock, but I wasn't allowed to do... | ||
Go on the road much because we were filming in the city. | ||
So, you know, like eight or nine months out of the year. | ||
So I just went on the road and that's all I wanted to do. | ||
And then with the sort of constant sleep deprivation of traveling and, you know, morning radio and morning TV shows... | ||
I started actually drawing again. | ||
And that's when I started. | ||
And then the book sort of like came out of that, you know, after several months, I realized I had like 50 cartoons and I was like, wow, I think I'm working on a new book here. | ||
And so I wasn't planning on that. | ||
That's just kind of organically came to me. | ||
So I spent the past most of the past year, year and a half working on that and then doing stand up. | ||
I turned down a fair amount of acting stuff that came my way. | ||
And now the next big project I need to do is a stand-up project, whether it be a special or a 90-minute feature-length stand-up concert film, and then I'll do an album with it, because I still have never put one out. | ||
Really never? | ||
You don't have anything? | ||
Nothing. | ||
I should have had probably five out by now. | ||
Years ago, I turned them down from Comedy Central. | ||
Why? | ||
Well, this was probably like 10, 15 years ago, I turned them down because of their censorship stuff. | ||
Now they're much looser with it, obviously. | ||
Way looser. | ||
But then it was like there were subjects you couldn't talk about, a lot of words you couldn't say, and I'm like, fuck it, I'm not doing it. | ||
And I also never liked their ownership clauses, where they owned... | ||
They didn't just own that filmed footage of you, they owned all the writing in it also. | ||
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
So if I wanted to do, let's say I had one joke from there, and then I wanted to do that on my own album, but I have one line, but I've added three new lines to it, they either wouldn't allow you or you'd have to get lawyers and fucking get permission, so I was like, fuck it. | ||
And then I've been trying to make my own for the past couple years, and then this book project sort of presented itself. | ||
So at this point, the only thing stopping me is me. | ||
You must have so much material, though. | ||
I know. | ||
I can put out... | ||
I think what I'm going to do is just put out my recent... | ||
Most recent hour, but yeah, I can put out, I can go back to material I don't even do anymore and put out probably two or three others, you know? | ||
Yeah, you should do that. | ||
You should just bang out like three specials in a year. | ||
Yeah, I might do that. | ||
Yeah, or maybe one special and then two other albums or something. | ||
Because it's so important, if people want to go see you, that they can see something online. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
They can find something, Netflix or something along those lines. | ||
I have some clips online, that's it, but I don't have any of the half-hour, hour stuff, because I always turn that down. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
And I think a lot of it was fear-based, too, because I also have a lot of trust issues with people. | ||
Do you trust me? | ||
I do. | ||
I do trust you. | ||
I'm trusting you today. | ||
Okay, cool. | ||
No, I respect you and trust you. | ||
But it's like, I have a lot of trust issues, period. | ||
And some of it's because I've been fucked over a lot, but that's okay. | ||
But then there's also my own perfectionism. | ||
It's like, oh, as soon as you tape it, then I'm going to think, oh, I have this one other joke that goes on to that one. | ||
And I want it in there. | ||
I want it perfect. | ||
And you can't aim for perfect. | ||
You've got to just... | ||
Go with what you got at that time, and that's what that show represents. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's got to be a representation of what you're doing right now. | ||
In this one time where this is filmed in December of 2015. Bam! | ||
This is Judah Freelander. | ||
Bam! | ||
This is it. | ||
Exactly. | ||
But it's hard to do that. | ||
It's hard. | ||
It's hard to nail it like that and lock it in and then not say, oh, but I could have done this. | ||
Maybe I should have edited that out and that part was flat. | ||
Right. | ||
Take chances. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
And then the other... | ||
Like, blockage on my own area, mental blockage, was, uh, and I'm much better with that now, but for a few years ago, I used to never have it, and then a few years ago it kicked in, was, like, that fear of, like, you know, basically, like, not just trolls, | ||
but, like, We're good to go. | ||
So, I never used to give a shit what people think, but at some point, several years ago, that kind of happened to me, so I was like... | ||
It did happen to you? | ||
Yeah, it did, where I was just constantly, like, I got a lot of anxiety, like, thinking, if I put something out, they're gonna shit on it, and everyone thinks I'm gonna suck, and then I'm not gonna have a career, you know? | ||
Did this happen because someone shit on you, or you were worried about someone shitting on you? | ||
I was worried about it, yeah, I was worried about it. | ||
So it never happened? | ||
No, I've had reviews where people just completely shit on me, and none of it's factual. | ||
It's basically like a professional troll. | ||
You're always going to have that, though, man. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
I can't think about that. | ||
Yeah, I've gotten much better with not worrying about that shit. | ||
But for three, four years ago, I was having that really bad. | ||
And I don't know what it was. | ||
I... I think it was all kinds of trust issues I was having personally and stuff. | ||
Because I remember, like, when 30 Rock was going on, I'd go out on a date with the girl, and then, like, 30 minutes into the date, she starts talking about her boyfriend. | ||
And I'm like... | ||
unidentified
|
What?! | |
I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
And she's like, oh, I thought we were just, you know, going out for dinner on, like, Friends. | ||
And I'm like, I'm like, I asked you out. | ||
It's Saturday night. | ||
And I'm like, so I go to her, like, are you, like, are you... | ||
Are you cheating on your boyfriend? | ||
Are you not into him anymore? | ||
Is he out of town? | ||
Or do you guys have an open relationship? | ||
She's like, no. | ||
He's here. | ||
I'm like, well, where is he? | ||
She's like, at his apartment. | ||
He's over there, watching. | ||
At the apartment. | ||
I'm like, well, fucking go to him. | ||
What the fuck are you doing here with me? | ||
How many times did this happen? | ||
That happened a few times. | ||
Really? | ||
Where girls would want to go out with me just to take pictures so they can tell their Facebook friends and shit. | ||
Oh, so they became friends with you because you were on television, but they weren't romantically interested in you. | ||
I think when that stuff was happening, that's also... | ||
I'm just guessing here. | ||
I don't have the exact answers. | ||
I'm just thinking out loud. | ||
But I think that's maybe sort of around the same time when I started worrying about bloggers and shit, like shitting on you. | ||
You know, my friend Eddie has this theory about Bill Cosby. | ||
About Bill Cosby when he started doing that to women. | ||
And he thinks that that might have been the similar type of situation where these women wanted to be around him, but they were turning him down. | ||
Oh, gotcha. | ||
And he started drugging them. | ||
Then he started raping them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I never did that. | ||
I just left. | ||
You're a much better man than him. | ||
But, you know what I mean? | ||
No, that's interesting. | ||
That can happen where someone's attracted to you simply because you're a famous person. | ||
Right, right, right. | ||
And you think, well, hey, this is a girl that I'm romantically interested in and I'd like to go on a date and get to know her. | ||
You ask them out and they say, yeah, and then you're at dinner. | ||
So what the fuck, man? | ||
So you're talking to this girl, you go, hey, you want to go out to dinner? | ||
And she's like, yeah, that sounds good. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And then all of a sudden you're on a date and she's telling you about her boyfriend. | ||
Yeah, it's Saturday, it's 10 o'clock. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And you're thinking, yeah, look at you. | ||
unidentified
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I bet you look good naked. | |
Oh, yeah. | ||
Dude is going to get some. | ||
All right. | ||
And she's like, yeah, my boyfriend's waiting for me. | ||
Yeah. | ||
No, she just casually mentioned him about something. | ||
Oh, yeah, my boyfriend's in this. | ||
And I'm like, huh? | ||
What? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And this happened more than once. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I remember one girl... | ||
I remember one girl... | ||
I'm trying to remember what she wanted to do. | ||
unidentified
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Fuck. | |
No, no. | ||
She wanted to... | ||
It was something like... | ||
Buy jewelry? | ||
No, I can't remember. | ||
I think it was Time Out New York Magazine. | ||
They put me on the front cover of their dating issue. | ||
And they're like, holy spout, dating. | ||
And they had a thing, and the friend said, like, date this guy. | ||
And I'm like, on the cover. | ||
They're like, oh, I'm fucking in. | ||
unidentified
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Woo! | |
Yeah, so... | ||
And I remember one girl, I think, saw that. | ||
And then she, like, Facebooked me or something like that and was saying, oh, she wants to meet me. | ||
So she wanted to go... | ||
She wanted to go... | ||
She wanted to write articles. | ||
She wanted to follow me on a date and then write an article about it. | ||
That's what she wanted to do. | ||
And I'm like, why the fuck would anyone want to do that? | ||
And why would I want to fucking do that? | ||
It's like, why do I want to go on a date? | ||
So she wants you to meet a random girl, go on a date with her, and she's going to hang out with you guys? | ||
Yeah, because she wants to get, because she's like an aspiring writer, so she wants to try to get, you know, articles written online. | ||
So her way to do it is to latch onto a famous person. | ||
Right, right. | ||
So there's always, you know, that kind of shit, you know. | ||
So I, and I, you know, and before any of that shit, I always had trust issues with people. | ||
So then that would make it even more. | ||
Where did your trust issues come from? | ||
I feel like I'm going to be a doctor now. | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
I don't know where I'll come from. | ||
This is always your whole life you've had this? | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
Always with authority figures, I've never gotten along, pretty much. | ||
And you consider women authority figures? | ||
No. | ||
No, that's just, you know, it's just a relationship. | ||
Right. | ||
How many different girls did that to you when you went on dates with them and they said they had boyfriends? | ||
Well, there's that one I can think of. | ||
It probably happened like two or three times. | ||
That's really weird. | ||
That's super unusual. | ||
But it'll happen after shows all the time where a girl will be really flirty with you. | ||
Another comes to me like, dude, you should jump on that. | ||
I'm like, her boyfriend's right there. | ||
It's like, she'll be flirty with me. | ||
I remember one time, one girl was, like, taking her shirt off, showing her boobs. | ||
Me and Godfrey are there, just outside the cellar. | ||
And her boyfriend's right there. | ||
He's taking photos of us doing it and stuff. | ||
Freaks. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Some people are just that way. | ||
And other people are going, dude, you guys should go with the girl. | ||
Her boyfriend's taking the photos. | ||
No. | ||
There's always gonna be people like that. | ||
I have a friend of mine that went with this girl and the girl told him that she had a husband and the husband watched and coached her while she was blowing my friend. | ||
That's really weird shit. | ||
That's deep. | ||
That's the shit I don't want to get involved with. | ||
That's deep in the weird pool. | ||
Yeah, I don't do that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I was saying to him, I said, did that feel gay? | ||
She's like, he's directing your pleasure. | ||
The whole thing is just, that's just bizarre, that whole thing. | ||
Some people are into bizarre shit. | ||
Not like that, man. | ||
Not me. | ||
No. | ||
No. | ||
Some people are into weird shit, though. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
You know? | ||
But I don't know. | ||
I think, you know, so much of culture is so, like, even if you look at social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, if I wasn't trying to promote my shows, I wouldn't be on any of that shit. | ||
Right. | ||
Yet, everyone's on that shit. | ||
That's a good point. | ||
You know, like, why are they on it? | ||
Like, if you're on it and you just want to follow different people to sort of, you know, get some, like, you know, ongoing kind of entertainment, you know, but it's like, when people just take photos of them, Selves at the beach or their food and they post it. | ||
I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
What's the point? | ||
That's a really good point. | ||
I don't think I've really thought about that. | ||
I get why we're on it. | ||
I don't get why anyone else is on it. | ||
Because I've been in entertainment for so long and social media is just something that sort of came along the way. | ||
What would I be doing? | ||
Would I be even using it? | ||
I don't think I would. | ||
unidentified
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No. | |
I got onto MySpace to promote gigs. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah, me too. | |
I got onto Facebook for the same and Twitter for the same. | ||
That's really interesting. | ||
And Instagram, same thing. | ||
Like, I know some people, and they just follow, they'll follow, like, their favorite, like, musicians and their favorite comics, and they're, you know, so they're on their scroll. | ||
They're getting, you know, some, you know, info and entertainment, like, throughout the day. | ||
I understand that, but if you're actively posting, I don't know. | ||
It's almost like everyone has their own show, basically. | ||
That's what the world's become. | ||
Everyone has their own show. | ||
Their own reality. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, that is what it's like. | ||
So it's also like a lot of... | ||
Yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead. | ||
Go ahead, no, please. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
You're on the show. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
I've had you off too many times. | ||
It's all right, man. | ||
It's just talking. | ||
unidentified
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I feel bad now. | |
What were you saying? | ||
Don't feel bad. | ||
What were you saying? | ||
All right. | ||
If a girl... | ||
No, like some of those girls from a few years ago, it was almost like, you know, The date was me guest starring on their show. | ||
Yes, exactly. | ||
And I could maybe get them ratings. | ||
Yes, get them a bunch of likes in their photos. | ||
Right, that's what it was like. | ||
I went with the guy from 30 Rock. | ||
Look, it's me. | ||
Thought he was going to get laid. | ||
Ha ha, LOL. Sometimes I don't even think they're thinking that. | ||
I don't even think that occurs to them sometimes. | ||
What? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, they're dumb. | ||
Well, I don't know. | ||
I think they're just so into like, oh, this will give me, people are going to like this photo. | ||
You know, they're not thinking, I don't know that they all actually think it affects you as a person. | ||
Just like trolls don't think it affects you as a person often. | ||
You know, they're just like, you know, they're just talking shit. | ||
They're just not thinking about it. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
They're just using you as a target for their angst. | ||
Right, right. | ||
They don't view you as a human. | ||
unidentified
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Right. | |
And for the girls, she's using you as a target. | ||
You're a celebrity. | ||
unidentified
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Right, right. | |
You're on a television show that she enjoys. | ||
Look, I'm here with him, the guy from The Thing. | ||
I'm amazing. | ||
I'm amazing. | ||
I made magic happen. | ||
The guy from The Box is standing in. | ||
He paid for my food. | ||
That's a perfect impression. | ||
Is that what she sounded like? | ||
Perfect. | ||
unidentified
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Perfect. | |
And then my boyfriend says, and then my boyfriend says, and he doesn't like you. | ||
unidentified
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I don't know why. | |
Whatever. | ||
No, you'll be like, oh yeah, he likes you too. | ||
Yeah, but when you asked him, did your boyfriend know that we're going to dinner together? | ||
Yeah, on that one time I did. | ||
And what'd she say? | ||
She had nothing to say. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
So did you just end the date right there and get out of there? | ||
No, I finished my food. | ||
I think it lasted a little bit longer. | ||
It was just kind of awkward and shit. | ||
Yeah, it was pretty lame. | ||
Yeah. | ||
How'd you guys end the night? | ||
Did you hug her? | ||
I don't remember. | ||
unidentified
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I don't remember. | |
How could you not remember? | ||
What's that? | ||
How could you not remember that? | ||
I don't remember. | ||
You know, I don't remember how it happened. | ||
I just don't fucking know. | ||
You know, the idea that everyone has their own show is exactly what's going on. | ||
And that's also when you see these really self-righteous tweets that people put out. | ||
Like, what are they really doing? | ||
They're doing exactly the same thing that you see people doing on reality shows where they're fucking acting. | ||
You know when you watch a reality show and you watch someone, they're doing something or saying something very specifically to get a reaction. | ||
Okay. | ||
I don't watch them, but yeah, I get what you're saying. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
Like, they know the camera's on them. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And that's why they're acting in sort of an unnatural way or in a manipulative way. | ||
Right, right. | ||
And that manipulation applies to social media as well. | ||
It's just a less pervasive method of doing it. | ||
Instead of broadcasting to a million plus people on a reality show, you're broadcasting to 10,000 people who follow you on Twitter. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
That's a big part of what people are doing today. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Like, what's real? | ||
It's also what hashtag activism is. | ||
What is hashtag activism? | ||
Well, I think it's a lot of what it is. | ||
Yeah, no, I think it can be both. | ||
I mean, I agree with you and I disagree, because I think sometimes people are genuine, but then sometimes people are just, you know, tooting their own way. | ||
Yeah, I mean, there's no black or white in this. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Or, I should say... | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
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But I remember... | |
Should I say gray? | ||
Is that okay? | ||
unidentified
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Okay. | |
I remember doing a stand-up set on a show years ago in LA called Late Friday. | ||
And I got... | ||
I remember doing my first joke. | ||
It's a set-up and a punchline. | ||
And I say the set-up part and I have a slight pause. | ||
Everyone starts laughing. | ||
And I was like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
They've never laughed there, ever. | ||
I've been doing this joke for two years. | ||
They've never laughed at that point. | ||
And then I get to the punchline, and they're still laughing at the setup. | ||
They don't really laugh at the punchline that much. | ||
And then after about three... | ||
So the first few minutes were all just weird like that. | ||
And then after about three, four minutes, it kind of became like a normal set. | ||
And then afterwards, I found out that the entire audience was paid background extra actors. | ||
unidentified
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Oh. | |
And they didn't tell me that before going on. | ||
So that's kind of like, you know, reminds me of what you were saying about, you know, everyone on their own show. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So they were trying to be, they were acting and trying to act like an audience member instead of just sitting there and just let it happen. | ||
You don't have to do anything. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
Paid background. | ||
And everybody, when Judah comes out, he's going to say jokes and I want you to laugh it up. | ||
I want to hear your best laugh right now. | ||
Come on, folks. | ||
You can do better. | ||
Is that all you got? | ||
Come on. | ||
And that's the way a lot of times comedy on TV is, where it's just, it's so fake, you know, it's just, and that's a more extreme example, but it's like, it's just, I don't know, but it's not easy to capture, you know, even when you see specials, it's not easy to capture a real stand-up night, because, you know, when you put those cameras in there, people know what's going on, it always adds a little bit of a different dynamic, you know? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
You know, Hunter Thompson was talking about that a long time ago. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, he started filming things. | ||
He started carrying cameras around and filming things. | ||
And he was talking about, they were interviewing him for this BBC documentary that they were doing. | ||
I think it was BBC. And he was saying that having a camera changes everything because you're not capturing reality because having the camera and knowing that it's being filmed changes exactly what it is. | ||
It becomes something different now because everyone's aware of the camera. | ||
And this is a documentary he made that he was talking about? | ||
No, it was about him. | ||
Oh, I got to see that. | ||
That sounds great. | ||
There's a few. | ||
He's got a couple of them. | ||
I'm a big fan of Hunter Thompson. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But the one was Gonzo, The Life and Times of Hunter S. Thompson. | ||
I think that was what it was called. | ||
The documentary. | ||
Yeah, that was one. | ||
I'll have to check that out. | ||
And then there was another one, Fear and Loathing in Hollywood, I think. | ||
I forget which one it was. | ||
But there's a few of them. | ||
You can find them online. | ||
I'll check those out. | ||
That sounds really cool. | ||
Yeah, but they were at his place in Woody Creek, Colorado with cameras and filming them. | ||
And he's like, well, this isn't reality because you got a camera. | ||
As soon as you use that camera. | ||
He was an incredibly perceptive person, man. | ||
That's pretty cool. | ||
Except when it came to himself. | ||
Interesting. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's all sorts of blind spots that people have in their own life. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, I think that's probably pretty common, you know? | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Way more common than not. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And I think it's good to admit that, you know? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I think that's one problem is where a lot of people don't admit that. | ||
It's like, it's okay to have flaws, you know? | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
We all have flaws. | ||
If you don't have flaws, you're not human. | ||
And that's the other thing about social media that's weird. | ||
It often shows, people are showing themselves without the flaws. | ||
So it's like you said, it's like everything's kind of fake on a certain level. | ||
And they also find a flaw that you have and just fucking attack. | ||
It's a target! | ||
What did you say about black people, Judah? | ||
I didn't! | ||
Black lung! | ||
A lung! | ||
It's a dark! | ||
It's cigarettes! | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
Yeah, that's the kind of thing. | ||
That was the kind of thing I used to worry about. | ||
Like, oh, you do one thing and fuck, they're going to get you. | ||
I had a couple drawings in here where the way I draw it and the way I word it, I'm like, am I going to get shit on for this? | ||
And I was like, a couple of them. | ||
Yeah, but it's cool. | ||
Listen, I gotta get out of here, but let's highlight the book. | ||
We've got two of them here. | ||
How to Beat Up Anybody. | ||
This is the one that's out for a few years. | ||
Yeah, that one you can get on Amazon for $0.35, and shipping is $3.99. | ||
The new one, if rained $0.39, you can get your... | ||
Yeah, I think, you know, because you can get used copies. | ||
I think new, it's like $14. | ||
But if you want a used copy, I think it's like $35. | ||
What a nice guy you are. | ||
And then shipping is $3.99. | ||
And if Raindrops United... | ||
See, that goes back to me not being a good salesman. | ||
unidentified
|
No, you're a good guy. | |
I tell people to buy the shitty shit. | ||
You're an artist. | ||
But yeah, if the Raindrops United, this has been my big passion the past... | ||
If you like B. Kleban or maybe even some of the old Gary Larson stuff, I think you'll dig this book. | ||
Beautiful. | ||
And then your Twitter is judaworldchamp. | ||
Judo? | ||
Yeah. | ||
J-U-D-A-H, worldchamp. | ||
Tour dates, judafriedlander.com. | ||
Thank you, brother. | ||
Appreciate it, man. | ||
unidentified
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Dude, this has been awesome. | |
Always good seeing you. | ||
unidentified
|
Please. | |
This is great to see you. | ||
Anytime, man. | ||
Let's do it again. | ||
No, I always... | ||
I don't see you much because I live in New York and it's always cool when I see you. | ||
Always cool to see you too, brother. | ||
Yeah. | ||
All right. | ||
Judah Friedlander, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
We'll see you soon. | ||
unidentified
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Bye-bye. | |
Big kiss. | ||
Mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah. |