Oct. 1, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:09:34
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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You know when you're ready Yes Positive energy! | |
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
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You got it. | |
| We're live, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We're live on a day where I saw a fucking mountain line on top of a telephone pole today. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Not in real life. | ||
| Somebody sent it to me on Twitter, but it felt like I was there. | ||
| Have you fucking seen it? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Look at my Twitter, Jamie. | ||
| There's a mountain line that stayed up on a telephone pole all day on Wednesday, and then this morning it came down. | ||
| But some screaming school kids. | ||
| First of all, school kids? | ||
| The idea that little kids could be so goddamn close to a murderous, monstrous, 150-pound cat that it has to run up a pole. | ||
| And then the fact that it was up on that pole for an hour and a half and people didn't have the good sense to shoot it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Where was this at? | ||
| It was in California. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| What part of California? | ||
| Victorville. | ||
| Yeah, that ain't, you know, that's like people live there. | ||
| Fuck that thing. | ||
| Oh my god, look at it, it's hanging on top of a pole like no big deal. | ||
| And I guess it's just gonna climb down with its claws. | ||
| Imagine, it's a 150 pound animal that can climb trees with its claws. | ||
| Just runs up the top of that pole and sits up there. | ||
| It's totally chill, just hanging. | ||
| There's no way for it to be electrocuted also because there's no ground. | ||
| Is that why? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how that works either. | ||
| It's like magic. | ||
| Your foot's on the ground, but yet that pulls on the ground. | ||
| It's always like, don't touch the third rail. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, how does that work? | ||
| Was that just a rumor about the third rail on the railroad tracks? | ||
| Because I used to live on a railroad track, pretty much. | ||
| As a kid, we just played all day on railroad tracks, put things in pennies, got shot by the guys on the train. | ||
| They shot at you? | ||
| Salt pellet guns. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because you're not supposed to be on the train track, and we would put things on. | ||
| So they would just sit there, and I think it was more just to scare you, but they would shoot these salt bullets at you or something like that. | ||
| Well, a lot of people die by committing suicide on your train tracks. | ||
| But train tracks, that's not the third rail. | ||
| The third rail is like subway stations. | ||
| Train tracks are not electrical. | ||
| I mean, the track's just a piece of metal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The real ones are the ones that are in Subway somehow or another. | ||
| I don't know which ones are... | ||
| Yeah, because that's actually electricity. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| People have definitely died from that, though. | ||
| They've definitely died from that, I think. | ||
| Did you live by a train track growing up? | ||
| Close enough. | ||
| I used to take the T into Boston when I was a kid, like when I was in high school. | ||
| I only had to walk like a mile or so. | ||
| It sucked fucking hardcore in the winter, though. | ||
| Whew. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| They're like, when I think about winter today, I think about the fact that people in Boston are just about to go through it. | ||
| Like right now, today's October 1st. | ||
| That means it's just going to start chilling out right now. | ||
| Now it's just going to start getting a little uncomfortable, but not bad. | ||
| A little brisk. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| A little morning brisk. | ||
| Get you a cup of coffee. | ||
| But they're a month or two away from experiencing that bone-jarring cold that you only get in the Northeast. | ||
| That wet, wet ocean water cold. | ||
| The world is different than our world, man. | ||
| The world is different than our world. | ||
| When you go down there, when you go to Boston, you do gigs up there, New Hampshire, those are harder people. | ||
| They have to overcome way more shit. | ||
| Like the stereotype of the California person, like the slacker, like, you know, whatever, dude. | ||
| It's a new big deal, dude. | ||
| Like, that's what people think of when they think of Californians. | ||
| It's because we don't have to deal with that winter shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this one where we might be dealing with El Nino. | ||
| Super El Nino is what they're saying that we're going to get. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, I heard that. | |
| I mean, it has been humid as fuck out here lately. | ||
| I hope they're right. | ||
| We need it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think, isn't that how it always works? | ||
| Unless things, I say always works, but unless things turn into deserts. | ||
| Because deserts didn't always used to be deserts. | ||
| Like, I think even the Sahara at one point in time was like lush. | ||
| And that's the whole take on the Sphinx. | ||
| Like, the guys who want to backdate the Sphinx, they've brought in these geologists, specifically this guy named Dr. Robert Schock from Boston University. | ||
| And he thinks that the water erosion on the container or the... | ||
| The chamber, the temple, the Sphinx, I think they're calling it. | ||
| And it's where they carve the Sphinx out of the ground. | ||
| The whole temple area where the Sphinx is. | ||
| These stones that are carved that have all these water erosion marks all over them. | ||
| Like the deep fissures where water cuts through a crack in the rock and does so for thousands of years. | ||
| So this is like thousands of years of rainfall that's caused this water erosion. | ||
| And the problem with that is the last time there was rainfall in the Nile Valley was like 9,000 BC. Or 9,000 years ago, I think it is. | ||
| So it's like 7,000 BC. So that was like the last time there was rainfall there. | ||
| So it had to have been several thousand years before that of it raining on those rocks to create that kind of erosion before that place became a desert. | ||
| So that's the thing about California, man. | ||
| It could easily become a desert. | ||
| Well, there was a... | ||
| I just sent you a link. | ||
| There was a lake in California that's really popular in Westwood, California, Walter Lake. | ||
| The other night, just overnight, the whole lake drained out. | ||
| It emptied out. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| That's been proven? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw that article and I thought, well, I don't know about this. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| It was like one of those, you know, Bob's News Reviews or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a website? | ||
| It was KTVN actually went in there and interviewed them, and there are thousands of fish. | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't know if you saw the photo, it's just a photo of tons of dead fish. | |
| So what do they think happened? | ||
| They pretty much just say, we're out of water. | ||
| California lake disappears overnight, leaves behind thousands of fish. | ||
| Wow, that's like some Marky Mark movie apocalypse shit. | ||
| Look at this, there's a video right here. | ||
|
unidentified
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Just... | |
| That's fucked. | ||
| And this was like, I mean, this is not a small thing. | ||
| It's 170 acres reservoir. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 170 acre reservoir, and it's just overnight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And where'd the water go? | ||
| It just went in the hole? | ||
| I think it went down. | ||
| But how could it go down that low that quick? | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| I think that's pretty much it. | ||
| Reservoir runs dry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There's nothing there. | ||
| Look at all those fish. | ||
| That's fucked. | ||
| God, the smell. | ||
| What a terrible way to die for them. | ||
| Yeah, and I guess they said if they had a two-week notice, they could have taken all the fish and saved them and moved them to another lake or something like that. | ||
| Well, did they drain this on purpose? | ||
| No, it just pretty much emptied out. | ||
| It's kind of confusing how they say it, but they pretty much just say that, no, it's just out of water. | ||
| We're in a drought. | ||
| That's just how fast it happens. | ||
| So it literally can happen like that overnight? | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| But it's a shallow-ass fucking lake, though. | ||
| He believes that it may have occurred when a clogged outlet valve was cleared. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| So, literally, the drain was stuck. | ||
| They opened up the drain, and now here's your reservoir going through a creek. | ||
| That's what's going on, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of lakes like that in California that could easily run dry. | ||
| That lake is staic. | ||
| That fucker is way smaller than it used to be. | ||
| You've been there. | ||
| Is there places to stay there? | ||
| That's like, because I drove by it recently. | ||
| I think people are allowed to camp there. | ||
| There's parts where you're allowed to camp. | ||
| Good fucking luck with that. | ||
| That's sketchy as fuck, dude. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, there's places around Lake Castaic. | ||
| Lake Castaic is real weird. | ||
| Like, you get there and you're like, are we in Guatemala? | ||
| Is this like a, am I at some sort of a food festival in Guatemala? | ||
| Like, there's these people there that are just, they, you know, families that, like, live in apartments especially. | ||
| They fucking I love parks, man. | ||
| They get to those parks and they just take over. | ||
| They bring their family. | ||
| They lay out a giant blanket. | ||
| They start barbecuing. | ||
| It's fucking great, man. | ||
| It's actually kind of a cool environment, too, for kids. | ||
| It's all these different kids from different families. | ||
| They all get together and there's music playing and people are cooking. | ||
| People from other countries, they have more of, for whatever reason, they have more of this... | ||
| This sort of inclination to have these gatherings, these park gatherings. | ||
| It's pretty badass, man. | ||
| Sometimes it's badass, other times it's nonsense. | ||
| It's just like, hey, it's for 40 people to all get together wasted in a park where there's kids. | ||
| That can happen too. | ||
| Yeah, that can happen too. | ||
| Yeah, especially if it's been a hard road getting over here in America. | ||
| You're fucking struggling, you got some sort of a shitty job doing construction work under the table for cash, and now here you're at the party, finally, and you're just getting lit. | ||
| Screaming and yelling, dancing. | ||
| Did you see that concrete on the opposite side of droughts? | ||
| The concrete that absorbs 880 gallons of water in a minute? | ||
| It's this concrete they can now put on roads and in parks. | ||
| So places like Houston or Texas, these flash floods, this actually just absorbs water. | ||
| This is insane and we're looking at a video now for folks listening to this where there's a giant water truck and the water truck is pouring water onto this parking lot and the water is just disappearing. | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| It's on techinsider.com. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I guess this technology's been around for a while. | ||
| They've just got it good enough to actually use as concrete for cars. | ||
| Here's how it works. | ||
| Rather than use sand-based concrete, Tarmac uses something called no-fines concrete. | ||
| It's made of tiny pieces of crushed granite packed together. | ||
| While Burgess says the mixture is extremely dry, the pieces are packed loosely enough to allow water to pass through. | ||
| The system can accommodate three designs, full infiltration, partial infiltration, and full attenuation. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's fucking interesting, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| That's smart. | ||
| Yeah, because places like Houston, like you said, remember, we were there at this, we used to work at this club there. | ||
| And they would put us up in this... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The Allentown Inn? | ||
| What the fuck was the name? | ||
| Allentown Parkway, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And there was this, like, really fucking sketchy, sketchy hotel they would put you up in. | ||
| Where people would, like, knock on your door and ask for crack. | ||
| Like, literally. | ||
| There was this dude... | ||
| He was walking down the upper... | ||
| It wasn't a hallway. | ||
| It was outside. | ||
| I guess it was like a balcony before he got to the stairs. | ||
| Because it was a motel, you know. | ||
| And the guy's walking around the outside. | ||
| And he goes, man, he goes, where's that dude? | ||
| And I go, I was like, what? | ||
| He goes, where's Ed, man? | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know where Ed is. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You know where Ed is. | ||
| Where's Ed? | ||
| I'm like, dude, I don't fucking know where Ed is. | ||
| But he was just jonesing. | ||
| And he just looked at me and like, this dude's a junkie. | ||
| He knows where the guy is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been running into a lot of these junkies lately. | ||
| These meth heads. | ||
| They're just so out of it. | ||
| They're not real people when they're on these drugs. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| You get pretty fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was an article in one of the LA magazines about, I forget which magazine, but it was about how a lot of these poor communities in, like, South Central LA, like, cocaine is, like, stupid expensive right now, apparently. | ||
| But meth is, like, way more common. | ||
| And so they're bringing meth in. | ||
| And because everybody already has weed, like, the people that were bringing in weed before, they can't make any money off of weed. | ||
| So now they've switched it to meth. | ||
| And all these people are fucked up on meth. | ||
| In these, like, really shitty areas and shitty communities. | ||
| Yeah, cutting coke with meth, I guess, is a thing also now that people are doing because coke's so expensive. | ||
| So it's like you're buying coke, but the next thing you know, you're a meth head. | ||
| Yeah, you think you're doing coke and you're getting meth. | ||
| I mean, anybody could think that somehow or another... | ||
| We wouldn't at least be helping people actually get whatever they think they're getting by making this stuff legal. | ||
| Like the idea that a grown adult tells another grown adult they can't do cocaine to me is mind-boggling. | ||
| The fact that we have all this other stuff that you can do and you just arbitrarily, no cocaine. | ||
| Do you think cocaine will ever become legal? | ||
| It should totally be legal. | ||
| It should be legal. | ||
| I think less people would do it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think more people would be aware. | ||
| Alcohol is one of the most destructive to your body, destructive to society, destructive to your behavior and the kind of activities you engage in, drunk driving, violent altercations. | ||
| Being drunk can be horrible. | ||
| It can wind up terrible. | ||
| And it's completely pervasive. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| It's so prevalent. | ||
| You can get booze in family restaurants. | ||
| You can go to a family restaurant and get fucked up. | ||
| You know, I mean, you could get fucked up to the point where you fall asleep, drive, and you kill a bunch of people. | ||
| 100% you could do that. | ||
| You could get the drug of choice, the most destructive drug, at every CVS, every pharmacy, every supermarket. | ||
| Every supermarket you go to, you can get fucked up. | ||
| You go down that liquor aisle, you just grab bottles, throw them in your cart, you could drink them in the car, and you would never be able to drive home. | ||
| Like, instantly, you'd be fucked. | ||
| And it's legal. | ||
| The idea that cocaine's not legal is silly. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| I would try it. | ||
| I think I would definitely try it. | ||
| I would try it just if I knew it was absolute cocaine. | ||
| Because, like, Tom Sawyer from the Punchline in San Francisco, from Cobbs, remember Tom? | ||
| He was always talking about rockstar cocaine. | ||
| Like, I did rockstar cocaine with Kinison. | ||
| And I'm like, what's rockstar cocaine? | ||
| He was talking about it like it was like someone talking about the days back when Jesus was around. | ||
| He was like, we would do it. | ||
|
unidentified
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You'd be great. | |
| And after it was over, you'd just go to sleep. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, it would wear off. | ||
| It wouldn't give you a hangover. | ||
| He was talking about this fantasy land. | ||
| Cocaine. | ||
| It sounded like non-destructive, not bad for you. | ||
| Probably get a lot done. | ||
| I want to know what rockstar... | ||
| Because cocaine just makes you more awake. | ||
| I mean, so rockstar cocaine just makes you even more awake? | ||
| I think the idea is that the cocaine you're getting when you go to a regular place and you're partying, Is half speed or 20% speed or 5% speed or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| It's stomped on. | ||
| It's cut up. | ||
| But the rockstar cocaine is pure cocaine. | ||
| And when you get pure cocaine, this idea is that it's a better experience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And most of the cocaine, you just immediately are shitting every 10 minutes every time you do it because it's cut with laxatives or... | ||
| Well, you smoke crack. | ||
| I found out I didn't smoke crack just the other day. | ||
| That's so funny you said that because I found out that what it was, somebody was talking about freebasing cocaine, which is where you cook it with baking soda and you get the pure, what you're doing is you're extracting the purity of the cocaine. | ||
| You're extracting the cocaine. | ||
| That's what I did. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I said, but I guess crack is a little bit more mixed with chemical, some kind of hardening chemical or something like that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's the same thing. | ||
| And here's the real deal. | ||
| According to Dr. Carl Hart, one of the guys that I've talked to on occasion, he's a drug expert. | ||
| He was on like the Bill O'Reilly show the other day. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I got in touch with him again. | ||
| I saw him on the Bill O'Reilly show. | ||
| I'm like, dude, how do you do that? | ||
| He was on it for like, he maybe said like 30 seconds worth of shit in the entire time he was on. | ||
| Maybe talked for like 15 seconds before someone interrupted him. | ||
| It's like one of those stupid shows, which is like, Jesus. | ||
| Anyway, he was talking about how crazy it is that you get sentenced far more brutally if you get caught with crack. | ||
| And like what kind of jail time you're looking at versus getting caught with cocaine. | ||
| And he's like, it's totally racist because it's the same drug. | ||
| It's the exact same drug. | ||
| He's like, there's no difference whatsoever between the two. | ||
| The experience, the high, if you do one, you do the other. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| So the fact that one of them will get you like 10-year mandatory minimum and the other one you're out in like six months or whatever the fuck it would be if you're selling one or the other. | ||
| I wonder why. | ||
| It's because you prepared it or something? | ||
| No, because they want to put black people in jail. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's because they want to put black people in jail. | ||
| Wait? | ||
| It's just because they're selling it in these crime-filled environments. | ||
| So whether or not it's racist or whether it's a response to the environment in which they're selling crack, the idea is if you go into the country club and you're teeing off with Brad at 4 p.m., you guys are going to do a little bump before... | ||
| You're not the guy who is selling crack out of the backseat of his hopped up Nissan and, you know, shooting at people and who knows what the fuck else he's doing, what kind of stupid shit this guy's involved in. | ||
| He's creating a nuisance for the neighborhood. | ||
| That's the idea. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just wondered, like, legally, how they can make it a difference. | ||
| It was like, oh, it weighs more or something. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They just make their own rules, dude. | ||
| The idea of what they can do and not do legally is so fucked up because one of the ways they bust pot dealers is they weigh not just the pot, but they weigh the dirt and the pot that the pot is planted in. | ||
| They weigh the whole thing they don't cut your trees down and and say well listen How much of the effective drug do we have here because once you pull the buds out? | ||
| You're dealing with a fraction of the weight of the tree, but these assholes they they weigh the pebbles that are in the soil They weigh everything the water that you you know you water those plants They're in the pot the pots heavy tough shit for you. | ||
| It looks like you got a fucking 50 pound pot plant You're like what? | ||
| There's not even a pound of weed on that stupid plant. | ||
| I But they'll hit you for 50, and then they'll get you for major possession, major distribution. | ||
| It's a goddamn travesty. | ||
| The fact that this has been going on for so long, too. | ||
| It's into our middle ages. | ||
| I mean, you and I are both in our 40s now. | ||
| And we're still living in this ridiculous society that thinks it's okay to lock people in a cage because they decide they want to do this. | ||
| I want to smoke this. | ||
| Or I want to grow that. | ||
| I want to sell that. | ||
| You can sell tomatoes, but don't sell weed. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| We're grown adults. | ||
| You know, the idea that we're going to go to the grave and the world that we leave behind is going to be just as fucking stupid as it was when we were in high school. | ||
| That's infuriating to me. | ||
| You know, and I don't think that making cocaine legal or a bunch of people doing cocaine is going to help anything. | ||
| I certainly don't think that. | ||
| But if it does help one thing, it'll help people recognize what coke really is. | ||
| Like, if you see someone who's fucked up that's a drunk, like, you go, like, I've seen people at bars, I'm like, I am not fucking drinking. | ||
| Like, I don't want to be that guy, you know? | ||
| And like, I think we, that's a big part of how people learn, is watching people around us fuck up. | ||
| When no one around you fucks up, that's when you have this distorted perception of what's going on. | ||
| Having no real understanding of what the effects of cocaine are on a one-to-one basis. | ||
| If you saw it, if you saw someone that you know doing it, or if you did it You would know. | ||
| Like right now, it's got too much myth behind it. | ||
| You know, it's part of the fucking Scarface thing. | ||
| You know, like you're fucking, I don't give a shit, bro. | ||
| I'm doing coke. | ||
| You know, it's not just that you're doing this speedy drug. | ||
| It's also that you're being a bad boy or a bad girl doing that coke. | ||
| Well, it is a lot of undressing all the shit we grew up on and feared. | ||
| We grew up thinking weed was the worst thing ever. | ||
| Same thing with cocaine. | ||
| And it is now that we have the internet and everything right at our fingertips that we're learning like, oh, wait a second. | ||
| Cocaine is not even a Schedule 3 drug or whatever it is. | ||
| I think it's Schedule 2. It is. | ||
| Yeah, because it has medical uses. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Here's a fun fact about cocaine. | ||
| Coca-Cola is made with cocaine. | ||
| Coca-Cola was always made with cocaine back in the day, and it had actual cocaine in the coke. | ||
| Now, part of the flavor in Coca-Cola comes from the cocoa leaves. | ||
| So they take cocoa leaves, they extract the cocaine, and they use that cocaine from medical cocaine. | ||
| And then the rest, like the flavoring, some process, goes into Coca-Cola. | ||
| That's why Coke rules and Pepsi drools. | ||
| Where'd you get that from? | ||
| Because it's got Coke in it. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Plus they have Coke in their name. | ||
| Pepsi can't take, you know. | ||
| Coke, even though Coke is like, is universal. | ||
| Like you can't own Coke. | ||
| Like if someone like, if cocaine became legal and Coca-Cola was like, we're making our own cocaine. | ||
| Coke, Coke. | ||
| Like, they couldn't stop anybody else from calling it Coke, because it's Coke. | ||
| Like, it's an established name for it. | ||
| It's like if somebody tried to patent the word pot, you know, we'd be like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You can't patent pot, stupid. | ||
| I just found there was another thing that was really weird. | ||
| It was like Mountain Dew or another soda that also had like a weird history secret. | ||
| Like, if it was Mountain Dew or... | ||
| Was it Mountain Dew? | ||
| Yeah, Mountain Dew is like moonshine. | ||
| Yeah, it was moonshine. | ||
| It was moonshine? | ||
| It's like made to mix with moonshine. | ||
| Oh, it was designed to mix with moonshine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it's a nickname. | |
| Mountain Dew is a nickname in the hills for moonshine. | ||
| Oh my god, that makes sense. | ||
| And that's why PDC drinks it every day with... | ||
| A bottle of Patron. | ||
| Here's how fucked up I am. | ||
| That makes me want a Mountain Dew. | ||
| Makes me want a Mountain Dew with some moonshine. | ||
| All of a sudden, that's like what I want to drink right now. | ||
| With real sugar, it's not too bad. | ||
| It tastes a little bit different. | ||
| Why don't we have Mountain Dew here? | ||
| They have the throwback Mountain Dews now. | ||
| Let's get Mountain Dew. | ||
| We have some moonshine already, right? | ||
| Get the throwback Mountain Dew. | ||
| We have some fake-ass moonshine, though. | ||
| No Hillbilly made our moonshine. | ||
| We have the moonshine they featured on the History Channel. | ||
| Those fucking dudes that are... | ||
| Yeah, if they sell the same moonshine at Applebee's, you know it's not the real moonshine. | ||
| It's like this absence that we got. | ||
| It's not even absence. | ||
| We got like grape cider or something. | ||
| The Applebee's. | ||
| Yeah, we had real absence once. | ||
| Remember that in Vancouver? | ||
| That was fucked up. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| I described it as like a cousin to drunk. | ||
| It wasn't quite like being drunk. | ||
| It was like being drunk's cousin. | ||
| Creepy drunk. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| It didn't fuck me up. | ||
| It was uncomfortable because it was definitely different and I wasn't sure what to expect. | ||
| But it wasn't bad. | ||
| It was definitely a lot like drunk. | ||
| I would never drive on it. | ||
| You could definitely tell that you're hindered physically. | ||
| You're a little... | ||
| Like, you'd make bad decisions. | ||
| But it wasn't, it was just, it was definitely different, though. | ||
| I wonder if I'm right. | ||
| I wonder if, you know, like, you could talk to, like, a Dr. Carl Hart type guy. | ||
| He was like, nah, it's all in your head. | ||
| It was basically just like being drunk, just with a shitty flavor. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder half of it might be just, like, your myth or what you think it is. | ||
| Because, I mean, back in the day, they used to say you used to trip from drinking Absinthe, but nowadays you don't hear that anymore, but... | ||
| Maybe they're not getting the good stuff, right? | ||
| What the fuck is wormwood, right? | ||
| That's what they use to make absinthe? | ||
| Right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Boy, we're uninformed. | ||
| Pull all this up, Jamie. | ||
| I had to put it over sugar cubes or something to activate some sort of... | ||
| There's something like that. | ||
| But the stuff that we had... | ||
| Yeah, they did do it over sugar, didn't they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget how they did it. | ||
| And it tastes like licorice. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| Seattle? | ||
| No, I believe that was Vancouver because it's legal up there. | ||
| That was the deal, that it was up in Canada. | ||
| It's confirmed that you're 21 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| Enter liquor.com. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, nice. | |
| The five biggest absinthe myths. | ||
| Yeah, so they're pouring it over this sugar cube. | ||
| What's the myths? | ||
| And it's turning yellow. | ||
| Absinthe is hallucinating. | ||
| That's a myth. | ||
| Marketers love to capitalize on the product's illicit reputation, but the fact is it's no more likely to make you see things than vodka, whiskey, or tequila. | ||
| Absinthe was banned because it's hallucinogenic. | ||
| That's also another myth. | ||
| If absinthe isn't hallucinogenic, why was it banned? | ||
| In most European countries and in the US in the early 20th century, absence became a victim of its own popularity when the French wine industry and temperance movement targeted a common scapegoat to promote their respective agendas. | ||
| Those cunts. | ||
| They did it, those fucks. | ||
| The wine industry went after absinthe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, you cunts. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| In reality, according to Brews, whatever his name is, it was a cheap, adulterated versions of the drink. | ||
| Oh, it was cheap, adulterated versions of the drink, sold by unscrupulous manufacturers, not unlike bathtub gin during Prohibition that caused the problems. | ||
| Okay, so they just decided to capitalize on it, sort of the same way a partnership for a drug-free America. | ||
| Like, if you don't know, I used to do a bit about the dog, the lady with the talking dog, as many comedians did, but there was a stupidest commercial where the girl would come home from school and the dog would be like, hey, I miss my friend. | ||
| Wish you wouldn't get high all the time. | ||
| It's the stupidest fucking commercial, isn't it? | ||
| But then you find out as stupid as that commercial is that it was made by something called a partnership for a drug-free America Well when you go into that that's where it gets hilarious a partnership for a drug-free America was financed in part at least by alcohol tobacco and pharmaceutical companies so I'm like Alcohol companies talking shit about pot is like hookers doing commercials against strippers. | ||
| I'm like, that's literally what it's like. | ||
| This is just cutting out the competition. | ||
| That's all it was. | ||
| So we were watching these stupid fucking commercials going, who is making these? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What's the agenda? | ||
| Well, the agenda was to stifle competition. | ||
| Which is mind-boggling. | ||
| When you really find out that drug companies that make trillions of dollars selling drugs, if you combine the alcohol, the pharmaceutical industry, and the tobacco industry worldwide, that is trillions of dollars. | ||
| Trillions. | ||
| The amount of money is staggering. | ||
| And those fucks were financing a partnership for a drug-free America. | ||
| And they let him! | ||
| They fucking let him! | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's like a group of murderers banding together to stop the UFC. It's so stupid. | ||
| It's so fucking stupid. | ||
| Absence in the US isn't real. | ||
| Absinthe in the US. A few exceptions aside, the quality and authenticity of the absinthe found in the US market... | ||
| Huh? | ||
| The quantity and authenticity is very good, he says. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Well, he's saying that it's good. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| In contrast, the EU market remains heavily contaminated with offerings that amount to flavored vodka and green dye posing as absinthe. | ||
| Did they reverse it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like they fucked that paragraph up. | ||
| Oh, these are myths. | ||
| So it's saying that the U.S. absence is great. | ||
| Oh, right, of course. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| That's the myth. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So the U.S. absence is good. | ||
| I forgot that it was all myths. | ||
| Absence is from the Czech Republic. | ||
| Not true. | ||
| Oh, that's a myth too, huh? | ||
| Blaming sugar cube. | ||
| It shouldn't be. | ||
| Classic method of serving absinthe involves slowly dripping water into the spirit, often over a sugar cube held on by a special perforated spoon. | ||
| But in another tradition that magically appeared in the 1900s, Beru says... | ||
| 1990s. | ||
| Oh, the 1990s. | ||
| The sugar is first soaked with alcohol and lit with a match. | ||
| Though impressive, the fire ritual is really designed to distract from the fact that a cheap and artificial product will not... | ||
| Loosh? | ||
| What's that word? | ||
| Or turn cloudy with the addition of water like it should. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That should be legal too. | ||
| Of course, well, it's kind of legal. | ||
| I guess it is legal now. | ||
| But all of it should be legal, man. | ||
| We're fucking babies. | ||
| We're babies over here. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting just going through what's going to be next, you know, with marijuana becoming legal more and more places. | ||
| Like, what's the next thing that we've been pussies about? | ||
| It's probably harder drugs. | ||
| It's probably things like Coke. | ||
| I mean, I think they're going to make some sort of an argument for sure that MDMA should be legal. | ||
| All the ketamine studies that they're doing now, they're saying that they're going to start using ketamine more and more for depression. | ||
| Remember Neil Brennan was talking about that, that he does ketamine treatments for depression? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Tranquilizer. | ||
| It's cat tranquilizer. | ||
| It's cat? | ||
| I always thought it was horse. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| It's one of those. | ||
| I'm pretty sure they use it on cats. | ||
| I think it's a veterinary tranquilizer. | ||
| I've done it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It makes it slow motion. | ||
| Well, apparently if you do enough of it, you go into other dimensions and shit. | ||
| Like Brennan was saying, when he was talking about it, he was saying he got an IV dose of it. | ||
| And you are essentially, like, you completely dissolve. | ||
| You trip your fucking balls off. | ||
| You go into some crazy alternative dimension. | ||
| And you're doing it in a doctor's office. | ||
| This anesthesiologist is treating you for depression with these insane 45-minute ketamine trips. | ||
| And, you know, he leaves there. | ||
| He's a little foggy. | ||
| Comes to the comedy story. | ||
| He's a little whacked out. | ||
| But other than that, he's like, my mind is fine. | ||
| He goes, and I feel really good. | ||
| I think it's really working. | ||
| So then I started seeing it popping up all over the place. | ||
| Excuse me, sorry. | ||
| Where people are talking about using it for depression, that it's being approved for use for depression. | ||
| Apparently it's really effective. | ||
| Psychedelic trips in particular, in general, but ketamine in particular, it's apparently really effective for depression. | ||
| What do you think about peyote ceremonies? | ||
| Have you ever done peyote? | ||
| No, never done it. | ||
| You're supposed to do it next month and you don't. | ||
| You should totally do it. | ||
| You know, it's some form of, it's mescaline, essentially. | ||
| And it's from the San Pedro cactus. | ||
| I don't know how they extract it. | ||
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| But it's not a hallucinogen per se, I believe. | ||
| I believe it actually falls into like a stimulant category. | ||
| I want to say, what is a barbiturate? | ||
| Barbiturate is like a downer, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| I know it's supposed to make you puke a lot. | ||
|
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Does it? | |
| I thought then you were going, because I mean, just watching movies, you know, but like natural born killers, you know, they went in that whole like thing where there's flying horses with... | ||
| If you're into peyote, you're likely to have a dream catcher on your wall. | ||
| You might have one of those feather tattoos that goes down your arm with a band with some feathers. | ||
| That was a popular one. | ||
| Dudes are just really into Native American culture. | ||
| Did they ever announce why that guy died off of anaconda, whatever? | ||
| Ayahuasca? | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| There was a second death recently of a young kid who died. | ||
| And they kept the body for, I think, four or five weeks before returning to the United States to the parents. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And they were going to test it out to find out why. | ||
| But, you know, it could have been he mixed it with something else, like an antidepressant, or he... | ||
| That's probably really dangerous, because I think some medications, if you're taking something that is an antidepressant like SSRI, you're not supposed to do ayahuasca, certain SSRIs. | ||
| And I think also, if you're taking anything where it gets really dangerous, if you're taking anything that's an MAOI, a monoamine oxidase inhibitor, Which is very common in some forms of medication and it is the reason why you can take ayahuasca in an oral form. | ||
| So normally when you, like, ayahuasca, when you're taking it, what you're doing is essentially it's like a slow release DMT trip, right? | ||
| DMT is in so many different plants, it's in hundreds, thousands even, that your body produces something to break it down in your gut. | ||
| So if you were eating lettuce, and the lettuce had DMT in it, you'd just trip your fucking balls off, right? | ||
| So your body's like, well, this is ridiculous. | ||
| We can't just keep tripping every time we have a salad. | ||
| So your body produces something called monoamine oxidase, and that MAOI is also a part of the ayahuasca mixture. | ||
| The inhibitor is something called harmine. | ||
| So what it is is it inhibits your body's natural production of this stuff that breaks down DMT. So it allows it to get into your bloodstream and you have this wild crazy trip. | ||
| But apparently that same active ingredient in harmine also exists in a bunch of prescription medications. | ||
| So if you're on that prescription medication and you go and you take this other stuff as well, you get this overdose effect and it could be super dangerous for you apparently. | ||
| Super dangerous to fuck with that stuff too. | ||
| Prescription ones and try to make like your own version of ayahuasca, like by taking DMT with an MAOI, like you gotta know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| It can be real, real dangerous. | ||
| It can be super, I mean, you're fucking with brain chemistry. | ||
| There's one thing if you're doing something that has like thousands of years of history. | ||
| Like if you do mushrooms, who the fuck dies for mushrooms? | ||
| You have to do the wrong mushrooms. | ||
| If you're getting mushrooms from a reputable source, Not like there is one, but if you know what you're doing and you get mushrooms, you grow them yourself, let's say, it's just mushrooms. | ||
| Like, you know what to expect. | ||
| Like, you can get really fucked up, but you're gonna live, right? | ||
| But when you start fucking with, like, pharmaceutical drugs and pills and extracts and who knows, man? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| You could run into some shit. | ||
| You know, again, it's part of the problem with things being illegal, is that we don't know exactly... | ||
| How many people don't even know that when you eat weed, you're tripping your fucking balls off on this 11-hydroxy metabolite? | ||
| You're not even getting, like, the THC. How many people know that? | ||
| Very few people do. | ||
| That's why it's so much stronger when people freak out about how strong pot cookies are. | ||
| It's not even weed. | ||
| It's not even the same drug as smoking it. | ||
| The reason why we don't know is because it's illegal. | ||
| They should be teaching that in school. | ||
| They teach you in school like how many ounces of alcohol you could have for 100 pounds of body weight in order to worry, you know, like if you could drive, like you could have six ounces of beer and then you could drive. | ||
| If you get over that, now you start getting into the illegal area. | ||
| Everybody kind of knows, right? | ||
| Everybody kind of knows, like two beers, you're getting close to the line. | ||
| Have you had two beers in the span of half an hour? | ||
| You might be close to the illegal driving line, right? | ||
| But what is it with eating weed? | ||
| What is it, you know, what is it with smoking weed? | ||
| We don't fucking know. | ||
| I mean, everybody has their own tolerance, for sure, but we don't, there's no, like, established number that everybody knows. | ||
| Like, oh, if you eat this, how many milligrams have you had? | ||
| Ten? | ||
| Oh, you're fine. | ||
| Because of the fact that it's illegal, there's all this guessing, and you gotta, it takes a long time to figure it out. | ||
| You gotta talk to a bunch of different people and get answers. | ||
| Don't talk to Joey Diaz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't talk to Joey Diaz. | |
| He's throwing off the curve. | ||
| Joey Diaz, don't worry about it, cocksucker. | ||
| Eat another one. | ||
| You're going to walk on ice. | ||
| You might as well dance. | ||
| I saw him the other day on Periscope just eating. | ||
| He's like, all right, here, Lee, take this. | ||
| And he's like, they're eating just tons of edibles. | ||
| And then they're like, all right, Lee, you've never done acid? | ||
| Well, open up your tongue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's that. | |
| And they just drop acid and ate a shitload. | ||
| Yeah, Joey goes so deep. | ||
| He's not even experiencing reality as we know it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, his reality is just very different right now. | ||
| And poor Lee. | ||
| This guy's like, well, I guess acid eating that much is normal. | ||
| He enjoys it. | ||
| He's turning him into a Joey Diaz. | ||
| Yeah, but listen, man. | ||
| Think about if you're Lee, right? | ||
| Nice kid. | ||
| Very smart guy. | ||
| He's a sweetheart. | ||
| Funny on the show. | ||
| And this fucker has stumbled into a partnership with the funniest man that's ever lived. | ||
| So he has this podcast with the funniest man that's ever lived. | ||
| What does the funniest man that's ever lived do? | ||
| He doses him every day. | ||
| Joey Diaz doses that guy with like 500 milligram Chibichus. | ||
| He'll take the wrapper off of a fucking 200 milligram Chibichu, put a 500 milligram in there, wrap it back up, and hand it to him. | ||
| Eat it, dog. | ||
| The mild, the mild, the lying about the fucking number. | ||
| $200. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| They're lying about the number. | ||
|
unidentified
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They say 200. Get the fuck out of here, 200. With your fucking faggy 200. I had like a 40 the other day or something like that. | |
| I was fucked up. | ||
| I can't believe that Lee thinks 200 is a normal number. | ||
| Yeah, those guys go deep. | ||
| Well, you know what happens? | ||
| They start doing it on a regular basis and then you get used to that Insane experience. | ||
| You know, Joey's used to that insane experience. | ||
| He's used to just being just deep in the hole. | ||
| Like the Alice in Chains song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Down in the hole. | |
| It's like he's doing it, he's getting like a narcotic effect, you know? | ||
| I mean, you gotta think about like Joey's history. | ||
| You know, Joey's whole life, he's done some sort of drugs. | ||
| And now, all he does is smoke weed. | ||
| But his whole life, he's done like horrible drugs. | ||
| You know, like terrible, terrible drugs. | ||
| And a lot of coke. | ||
| The coke was probably the good one. | ||
| You know, he did a lot of crazy shit. | ||
| And so for him, I think he probably misses that complete, total escape from reality that you could get when you eat 500 milligrams of Chiba Chus. | ||
| You're going down, man. | ||
| The world... | ||
| The world will become paper thin, walls will crumble in front of you like they're made out of dust, and you'll just be looking over the landscape that is the impending doom of your own body and society and the death of your wife and children and your friends and everyone dying. | ||
| You're going to see that. | ||
| That's what you're going to see on those goddamn podcasts. | ||
| Chibichu 500 milligram Death Stars. | ||
| He had two Death Stars the other day. | ||
| Two. | ||
| Two Death Stars. | ||
| Two. | ||
| I've never even heard of anybody eating two of those things. | ||
| You ever heard of the Death Star? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| There's some fucking thing that these guys in Northern California make. | ||
| I think the same guys who make the gummy bears make the Death Stars. | ||
| And they're supposed to be so bad. | ||
| Joey was trying to give one to Alex Jones. | ||
| Last time we were in Austin together, where's Alex Jones? | ||
| I gotta get him one of these death stars, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm gonna get him one of these death stars and I'm gonna fuck him up. | ||
| Last time he had like a loaf of bread gummy where he was cutting slices from it. | ||
| He's like, let me slice you off one. | ||
| Let me slice you off one. | ||
| Like you're in a fucking deli with him. | ||
| Hey, you gotta try this new prosciutto. | ||
| I got this new prosciutto. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, this fucking guy knows how to make a good prosciutto. | |
| Yeah, you're slicing paper-thin meat, laying it down. | ||
| That stuff's really good. | ||
| You gave me some truffle the other day from that company in that box right there, and I actually know the people from that company. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jambos. | |
| Yeah, they live in Burbank. | ||
| Yeah, they make great stuff. | ||
| It's really quality. | ||
| It's really quality, and the stuff that they're making is all organic. | ||
| They don't use corn syrup. | ||
| They don't, like, it's really used honey when they're making their baked goods. | ||
| So fucking good. | ||
| Where can you get that, Evan? | ||
| We'll talk after the show. | ||
| I don't know if you know about this, but this is on the internet, and we're talking about things that may or may not be legal, federally... | ||
| Federally. | ||
| What a creepy situation that is. | ||
| The federal government still, like, that's why these guys that are running for president on the Republican side, some of them are so fucking scary. | ||
| Because if they really do say, do what they say they're going to do, and get into office, and then all of a sudden go after these pot shops, start raiding them. | ||
| Like, you're looking at, like, some Civil War shit. | ||
| Are they still doing it? | ||
| Is it still happening? | ||
| No one's rating anything, but they're talking about it. | ||
| This Chris Christie guy, especially. | ||
| No one thinks he can actually become president, but if he did become president, one of the things that he said he would do is immediately go into Colorado and Washington State and shut down all the pot sales. | ||
| Is he the black guy? | ||
| No, that's Ben Carson. | ||
| That's the religious one. | ||
| He's fascinating, man. | ||
| That guy's fascinating. | ||
| I've been paying attention to him a lot lately. | ||
| He's really interesting. | ||
| Ben Carson is one of the best pediatric brain surgeons in the world. | ||
| Like, he has saved conjoined twins when conjoined twins were linked together at the head. | ||
| Apparently, these kids, they were sharing one artery that's a very important artery. | ||
| They had, I think, more than 20 different doctors or a bunch of different doctors that worked 20 hours to try to help these kids, and they survived. | ||
| They separated their fucking brains. | ||
| They were conjoined twins, meaning their bodies are connected together at the head. | ||
| And he saved them. | ||
| Like, he's a brilliant, brilliant man when it comes to that. | ||
| But then when it comes to, like, evolution... | ||
| Yeah, Big Bang Theory. | ||
| Yeah, he believes that Big Bang Theory's a myth. | ||
| He doesn't believe in evolution. | ||
| Why is it always like that? | ||
| It's like, you know, you're so smart in one area, but then you completely misjudge everything in the other area. | ||
| It's like, it doesn't make sense at all. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| It's because, you know, we all know people that are really good at one thing and they suck at other stuff. | ||
| And the more attention you put to this one thing, oftentimes you neglect areas of your life. | ||
| Like, how many, like, tortured geniuses? | ||
| That's like a really common term that people love to use. | ||
| I always torture genius. | ||
| Someone who's a genius in their musical life, but in their personal life, it's just constant chaos. | ||
| They're an asshole and they're screaming at people and throwing things around. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| But ultimately, you look at it... | ||
| If you separate yourself from society's idea of how you should behave or shouldn't behave, and society's idea of what's aesthetically pleasing about some kinds of music and how difficult it is to do, and just look at it outside of culture, right? | ||
| Well, you look at it like a mathematical problem. | ||
| You go, well, this is real simple. | ||
| This guy has resources, right? | ||
| And he's dumped all the resources into this one thing. | ||
| Like, running. | ||
| He's like, he's the best runner of all time. | ||
| But his personal life is chaos. | ||
| His family fucking hates him. | ||
| His friends, he's a backstabber. | ||
| Like, like the Lance Armstrong situation. | ||
| You know, guy is like the baddest fucking biker of all time. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's suing people. | ||
| The people that are saying that he did drugs, he's like, I'll fucking sue you, I'm suing this person, I'm suing that one. | ||
| He's got all this chaos going on. | ||
| Like, this overwhelming desire for victory sort of takes over pretty much every aspect of the rest of your life. | ||
| Like, they say Michael Jordan, you can't even play pool with that guy. | ||
| If you beat him in pool, he will fucking hate you. | ||
| He hates you. | ||
| Because what is his thing? | ||
| Well, his thing is just winning. | ||
| His overwhelming thing is winning. | ||
| And I don't know what he's like in real life, but I haven't heard good things. | ||
| I've heard like he doesn't tip. | ||
| I've heard like weird shit like that, you know? | ||
| Like he's not necessarily the nicest guy. | ||
| What could that be? | ||
| Well, it could be like he didn't focus on that. | ||
| He focused everything on this one thing. | ||
| Everything on this one thing. | ||
| This is what's important. | ||
| I think you get a lot of that with people. | ||
| I think this Ben Carson guy, he probably focused so much on that that he didn't apply that objective reasoning and that intellect to examining the various aspects of the mythology that he's accepted as his reality. | ||
| Because Christianity, at the end of the day, with no proof, everything is mythology. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| With no proof. | ||
| With proof, then you examine the proof. | ||
| It's super simple. | ||
| And anybody that argues against that, you're just biased. | ||
| You have your own ideas. | ||
| If you have some proof that there was a God, that this God had one son, and he made this son come down and get the fuck beat out of him and nailed to a board so that we could all have no sin. | ||
| Can you show me some studies? | ||
| Do you have a box of evidence that you can pull out and we can examine all the different pieces that points to the undeniable conclusion that that's true? | ||
| Because if you don't, then it's a myth. | ||
| Then you're believing mythology. | ||
| Doesn't mean it's not real, but if you put all your fucking eggs in that basket and you don't have any proof at all, Well, you're entering into this weird world where you don't pay attention to shit. | ||
| You're entering into this weird world where you ignore certain aspects of things because you've decided what is and what isn't. | ||
| That's not thinking. | ||
| That's not thinking. | ||
| It's like it's convenient cookie-holder placement of ideas. | ||
| It's not thinking. | ||
| Because if you're thinking, you can't accept it. | ||
| If you're thinking, you go, wait, what? | ||
| He came back from the dead? | ||
| Has anybody ever done that? | ||
| Three days? | ||
| He came back from the dead. | ||
| I don't think you can do that. | ||
| I mean, that's what people would do normally. | ||
| But, you know, I went to, my kid had a function today, and I went to this function, and they're all, we're singing God Bless America, and there's like something about heaven in there, and there's school prayer. | ||
| I'm like, okay, are we teaching people? | ||
| We're teaching kids things, right? | ||
| What's heaven? | ||
| Where is this? | ||
| Is this a real thing? | ||
| Are we just pretending heaven's real so the kids feel good and they can get through 12th grade? | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| You know, we have to make shit up about stuff that we don't know Instead of just accepting what we do know. | ||
| Instead of just celebrating and accepting what we know about life, we have to pretend that there's a heaven. | ||
| And you're gonna go to heaven when you die. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Like, you're teaching my kid nonsense. | ||
| Why don't you teach him some Rumpelstiltskin shit? | ||
| Why don't you make some shit up about leprechauns? | ||
| You're making shit up about heaven. | ||
| I'm not saying heaven doesn't exist, but you're just making it up. | ||
| You're teaching a school, in a class. | ||
| You're making them, and then in heaven, God in heaven. | ||
| God in heaven? | ||
| Where's heaven? | ||
| Who's God? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're making up some shit. | ||
| You're making up some shit in a school. | ||
| Like, and you don't, okay, like if the kid comes to you, like, where is heaven on a map? | ||
| Can you take me to, do we have a Google Earth? | ||
| Can we check out heaven? | ||
| Can I see the harp? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, well, you know, heaven is our heavenly father. | |
| That was another thing, heavenly father. | ||
| Like, our heavenly father? | ||
| Really? | ||
| This is what we're teaching in school? | ||
| Heavenly fathers. | ||
| How come he's not a chick? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Moms are usually better at raising you than dads. | ||
| Dad's working all the time. | ||
| It is weird that when you have a kid that you do nothing but lie to them their first 10 years of their life. | ||
| Like about Santa Claus, bunny rabbits, Jesus, monsters. | ||
| Well, the Jesus thing keeps going. | ||
| That's the weirdest part of it. | ||
| And again, it's just not saying that Jesus isn't real. | ||
| It's just saying, like, if that story existed in any other form other than religion, you'd be like, what? | ||
| If you looked at that story outside of religion, if it wasn't something that, you know, you made the sign of the cross every morning and went to school and prayed, if you just read the story about a guy who was magic and could turn water into wine, who could... | ||
| Heal people. | ||
| What did he do with fish? | ||
| Did he fucking give people fish or some shit? | ||
| Make some fish? | ||
| The whole thing's so stupid. | ||
| He'd be like, wait a minute, who told you this? | ||
| Well, it's a long story. | ||
| See, it was actually spoken about for about a thousand years for anybody bothered to write it down. | ||
| You'd be like, wait, what? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| They told it for a thousand years. | ||
| The Old Testament, they told the Old Testament for a thousand years. | ||
| It was spoken. | ||
| For a thousand years! | ||
| That's so long! | ||
| That's like, just stop and think how fucking stupid that is. | ||
| Literally, that would be like going back to the Julius Caesar days. | ||
| And Julius Caesar, like a thousand years ago, the Romans were around a thousand years ago, right? | ||
| No, before that. | ||
| It'd be like Genghis Khan. | ||
| It'd be like Genghis Khan's life and no one bothers to write it down until now. | ||
| I mean, that's so stupid! | ||
| The idea behind that is so stupid that you could tell a story for a thousand years and get it right when you write it down. | ||
| It is interesting, like, you know, Pope, you know, he believes in the Big Bang Theory and evolution's real, so it seems like they kind of have to slowly start accepting everything, but when it comes down to it, they still believe, you know, a magic man, you know, Jesus, flying around with lasers. | ||
| I'll tell you what, man, it always weirds me out when they have that guy on TV. It weirds me the fuck out. | ||
| It weirds me out. | ||
| I was watching Colbert. | ||
| It was so strange, man. | ||
| It was Colbert and Gaffigan, who I love, Jim Gaffigan, and Maria Shriver and some other weird dude. | ||
| And they were sitting around talking about what it means to be a Catholic. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| And they were talking about forgiveness, and Catholicism is all about forgiveness, and Maria Shriver is, like, being all proud to be a Catholic, and they're showing the Mass. | ||
| I'm like, I'm like, hit the brakes. | ||
| Aren't you grown adults? | ||
| Like, you guys are, you're into nonsense? | ||
| So you're into nonsense. | ||
| Is that what this is? | ||
| Because you're showing nonsense. | ||
| You get this guy dressed like he's in a fucking Harry Potter movie, and he's standing in front of all these people with a chalice. | ||
| He's wearing a cult outfit. | ||
| He literally is wearing a cult outfit from a thousand years ago. | ||
| And you're all sitting there listening to this nonsense. | ||
| Total nonsense. | ||
| He's not even speaking it in English. | ||
| And you're there. | ||
| You're like, yes, we're here. | ||
| We're here to witness the Holy Father. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You're there to witness a guy who works for an organization that owns a building that houses the largest gay bathhouse in Europe. | ||
| Yeah, that's what the Vatican owns. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing is so fucking ridiculous, and that this guy is meeting with all these people all across America, and they're all so happy to meet the Pope. | ||
| This is so amazing, and he listens to people's stories, and he decides whether or not people should be able to get married if they're gay. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| He supported that Kim Davis lady. | ||
| That lady went to the Vatican. | ||
| They had a meeting with her. | ||
| She got an audience at the Vatican. | ||
| He told her that he was saying that people shouldn't have to violate their beliefs. | ||
| So essentially, he was supporting her. | ||
| He was supporting her decision not to marry gay people. | ||
| Yeah, when I first heard it, I wondered if he just pulled her aside and was like, look, man, it's 2015, just let it go. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he's probably like, listen, bitch, keep that shit up. | ||
| I don't want to marry any dudes. | ||
| That's probably what he's like. | ||
| I want to keep my money. | ||
| Look at all this money. | ||
| You want to see my gold? | ||
| Take her to a fucking, like, smog's chamber from The Hobbit. | ||
| Just gold everywhere, stacked up the ceiling. | ||
| Have you seen the footage of him? | ||
| I smell, huh? | ||
| Have you seen the footage of him sucking on toes? | ||
| You know that's a thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Him? | |
| Yeah, that's a thing that he does. | ||
| He goes around and sucks on guys' toes. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Come on, what are you talking about? | ||
| On the news, it's like, Pope visited and blessed all these people, and it's just him kissing toes. | ||
| Well, I think he shows his humility by kissing your feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was very gross, though. | ||
| But dudes? | ||
| Kissing dudes' feet? | ||
| Yeah, he was kissing... | ||
| What part of the foot? | ||
| It totally depends what part of the foot like if you kiss like my shin my instep my instep I consider a weapon It's like kissing a knuckle, but if you suck on my little pinky toe I have a problem with that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean I just googled Pope kisses feet and the first thing is humbling moment Pope Francis washes Rome prisoners So it's just him washing a bunch of guys mmm He washes them? | ||
| Why can't they wash themselves? | ||
| What is going on here? | ||
| I'm washing them for the Lord. | ||
| First, I will start with their balls. | ||
| Then I wash their taint. | ||
| Pope Francis kisses and washes feet of young offenders at Rome prison after mass. | ||
| Oh, God damn it. | ||
| I remember, it's one of the things that Jesus did as he was growing up. | ||
| He washed the feet of them. | ||
| How convenient. | ||
| That's how they wrote it. | ||
| No, look, hold on. | ||
| It's right here. | ||
| It says right here, Jesus said, Thou must sucketh the toes. | ||
| He's getting deep in there. | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is. | |
| He's deep in there. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's an addendum. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Oh my, here he goes. | ||
| He's kissing the girls' feet. | ||
| Oh, he's washing the girls' feet. | ||
| Those are hot feet, though. | ||
| She's got cute little feet. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| So, foot fetish people must be loving this. | ||
| Oh, they must be whacking off like crazy to this. | ||
| Pope? | ||
| Pope kiss? | ||
| Pope play? | ||
| I got introduced to this girl by Chris Ryan, the author of Sex at Dawn. | ||
| And he's friends with this girl who, she's like a dominatrix and a humiliatrix. | ||
| She humiliates dudes. | ||
| And she sells her socks. | ||
| And she's got all these pictures on her Twitter of her, like, dirty socks with her foot, like, up to you, like, one sock off, one sock on. | ||
| She's like, 300 bucks, buy my socks, you pigs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I know a couple of those girls. | ||
| Duncan knew a girl like that for a long time. | ||
| Remember Munchy Stinch or Stinchy Mouth or whatever her name was? | ||
| She just, she came to my house to a party one time for his birthday. | ||
| What the fuck was her name? | ||
| Stinchy Mass Munchy. | ||
| Yeah, there was like some, she had some crazy name. | ||
| And she had her underwear and it was just like, and this was like, you know, old days. | ||
| Yeah, it's brown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Yeah, well she would have deals where she would have to wear her socks like many days in a row so they would really stink. | ||
| And then she would sell them. | ||
| Duncan's girl did. | ||
| She would like have deals like, I gotta wear them for three days. | ||
| She'd be like, I'm gonna walk my dog and get these socks nice and stinky. | ||
| It's like she would just be walking around. | ||
| And socks, you know, here's something weird. | ||
| Socks, like cotton socks, stink so fucking bad. | ||
| The worst, though, is like plastic. | ||
| You ever have like some sort of nylon material in the socks? | ||
| I've had athletic socks that were so bad. | ||
| Like I'd wear them for a couple hours and they would just fucking reek where I'd have to throw my sneakers in the washing machine. | ||
| Like, what's that smell? | ||
| But what doesn't smell is wool. | ||
| When I go hunting, we can wear the same socks. | ||
| I'll wear the same socks for days in a row. | ||
| Days in a row. | ||
| They don't stink. | ||
| It's weird, because it's wool. | ||
| Somehow or another, wool... | ||
| Here's another thing about wool. | ||
| Merino wool, especially, I guess, maybe all wool. | ||
| But when it gets wet... | ||
| You stay warm. | ||
| Whereas like if cotton gets wet, you're fucked. | ||
| Like so when you hunt, a lot of times it's cold as shit out, but you're dressed heavily and you're walking like up hills and you heat up and you start sweating. | ||
| Well, if you're wearing cotton, it's really fucking dangerous because that's how people get hypothermia. | ||
| They start walking, they walk up hills and then they sit down and they fucking freeze to death. | ||
| Because your whole body is like soaking wet from walking and then you sit and you're like, oh Jesus, like you get tired and you can't go on anymore. | ||
| Well, you got wet clothes on, man. | ||
| You got to make a fire to dry your clothes off. | ||
| You got to take your clothes off and dry them by the fire or you're not going to make it. | ||
| But if you have wool on, it's crazy. | ||
| You could be wet and you're still warm. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| It's a non-synthetic. | ||
| It's a biological hair. | ||
| Because its wool is lamb's wool, because it's coming, you know, it's lamb's hair. | ||
| It preserves heat better, and it, like, the reaction that it has to moisture is completely different. | ||
| It, like, retains heat. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| You'd think it would make it stinkier. | ||
| Yeah, you would think so. | ||
| You'd think it would smell like a dead sheep or something, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sheep funk. | ||
| But it doesn't, man. | ||
| It's like one of the best ways to prevent your body from really stinking when you go on these trips. | ||
| Because when we were in Montana the first time, when I got that deer right there, we were outside for five days, six days without a shower. | ||
| And I'm sure I didn't smell great, for sure. | ||
| You know, especially my butt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean... | |
| I was just shitting in a hole in the ground and taking toilet paper and then we'd light the toilet paper on fire to burn it off. | ||
| That's what you would do. | ||
| My asshole must have just been a disaster. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Lucky I don't have to look at it, though. | ||
| But... | ||
| After five days of being in the woods like that, I had the same clothes on for five days. | ||
| It wasn't that hard. | ||
| I didn't have to pry them off my skin. | ||
| You know how that gets your socks sometimes? | ||
| At the end of the day, you have to pry them away from the bottom of your skin. | ||
| It's like they stick in the pores. | ||
| And then they become hard, like crunchy. | ||
| Where's the crunchy come from? | ||
| That was in your foot? | ||
| Well, it's toxins, man. | ||
| It's toxins. | ||
| It's foot toxins. | ||
| Someone was trying to tell me that. | ||
| They go to some place. | ||
| It might have been Joey. | ||
| They go to some place. | ||
| They put your foot in this bath. | ||
| Yeah, it's Joey. | ||
| And the toxins come out, and it's black. | ||
| It's black in the bottom. | ||
| I'm going to go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| What fucking toxins are in your butt? | ||
| What are you eating? | ||
| Charcoal? | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| I've always wanted to see if that's real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He always talks about that. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| I think it's a trick. | ||
| Someone told me about the trick, too. | ||
| Someone explained to me what the trick is. | ||
| It's like some sort of a chemical that they put in the water, and there's a chemical reaction to your skin, and it makes this black color. | ||
| And you start thinking, oh my god, the toxins are coming out. | ||
| Kara Santa Maria is pretty funny about that shit, man. | ||
| You know, she's so smart. | ||
| She's a scientist. | ||
| She goes, it's one of the surefire ways to tell someone that's full of shit. | ||
| They start talking about cleansing. | ||
| They start talking about toxins and cleansing. | ||
| And she's like, wait, wait, wait, what? | ||
| What is going on here with your toxins? | ||
| Yeah, the brown water is probably your dirty feet. | ||
| She probably washed your feet for you. | ||
| No, I think there's an actual black... | ||
| Like a pill or something? | ||
| Yeah, there's like something that they put in the water, and when your feet react to it, it just makes this black liquid. | ||
| It's not toxins. | ||
| Can you imagine if that's all it took? | ||
| You soak your feet, and the blackness comes out of you. | ||
| You see like little demons fucking swirling around the water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The spirits, they're leaving your feet! | |
| They hide out in your feet. | ||
| That's why your feet hurt at the end of the day. | ||
| It's ghosts. | ||
| I had a weird thing happen to me the other day. | ||
| I don't know if I told you about my vision. | ||
| I just started tripping out of nowhere. | ||
| Yeah, I did hear about that. | ||
| My eyes weren't... | ||
| The light wasn't hitting my eyes right. | ||
| My eyes weren't adjusting to light right. | ||
| So if I looked at my arm and I waved my arm, it looked like there was a blue line around it at points. | ||
| very neon trippy like laser kind of like if you see like a uh film with a low exposure rate you know where you see like the weird trippy stuff and if i blinked my eyes everything got really bright for a second and then it went dark like darker so it's like i was seeing through a filter and somebody said they think it's an ocular migraine which is a migraine that you don't have a headache but your eyes from stressing it looking at computers or lack of sleep | ||
| uh that happened But I've had it happen twice in a month. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| If it happens once, it means your eyes are weak. | ||
| By whatever you're doing. | ||
| I think, I think looking at monitors is fucking terrible. | ||
| You know, I did a podcast last week where I didn't bring the laptop when we do the Fight Companion podcast. | ||
| My eyes felt better by the end of the day. | ||
| I was like, at the end of the, like, I think staring at a screen like that. | ||
| Maybe my screen's too bright. | ||
| But I think staring at a screen like that all the time, I just think it's real bad for you. | ||
| It's totally unnatural to be staring at a light source like that, six, you know, a foot, two feet from your face. | ||
| Especially a phone where you're usually squinting. | ||
| It's not like a big screen. | ||
| Phones are terrible. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| What they do is amazing. | ||
| I mean, I would never give them back. | ||
| I would never say, man, I'd rather go back to fucking smoke signals. | ||
| You know, I love phones, but what they're doing to you is not good. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| It's just not good to be staring. | ||
| My eyes are significantly worse than they were three or four years ago. | ||
| Yeah, it goes fast. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Mine's doing it right now. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| I bought a book that Steve Maxwell recommended, but I haven't gotten to it. | ||
| The irony is not lost on me, that when I'm wearing reading glasses, reading a book about how to not read with glasses, that's... | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm wearing reading glasses and when I'm reading a book about how to not use reading glasses while I'm reading with glasses. | ||
| It's a book about not reading? | ||
| Yeah, it's like Throw Away Your Glasses and See, I think is the name of the book. | ||
| I'm like, it's hilarious. | ||
| I'm reading this book while I'm wearing glasses. | ||
| That book makes zero sense. | ||
| I think it's called the Bates Method for strengthening your eyes. | ||
| The idea is that your eyes are like any other part of your body. | ||
| If you use them properly, you can strengthen them. | ||
| But if you don't use them properly, you can weaken them. | ||
| If you breathe in coal fumes all day, you're going to fuck up your lungs. | ||
| So, the idea is if you're staring at a computer screen all day, you're fucking up your eyes. | ||
| And there may be ways to sort of at least partially mitigate the damage that you're doing to your eyes. | ||
| Play some Quake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's supposed to be good for your eyes, right? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Can't get me in there, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know what's wrong with me. | ||
| That's one. | ||
| That's one that I can't go back to. | ||
| It's just too much. | ||
| I liked it too much. | ||
| I'm doing too well without it. | ||
| It'll help your eyes more than a book, maybe. | ||
| I don't think it will. | ||
| I just think it will be one hour, and then it'll be two hours, and then it'll be four hours a day, and the next thing you know, I'm not writing any new jokes. | ||
| I'm not going to the improv or the comedy store. | ||
| I'm not sitting in front of the The computer or pen and paper and getting shit done. | ||
| No, I'm jonesing. | ||
| Jonesing to go frag people. | ||
| To go fucking chain gun someone and rail gun them. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| If you twitch for three hours. | ||
| Shut up, son. | ||
| And then you got some comedy out of it. | ||
| Yeah, you can make it a podcast. | ||
| What comedy would I get out of it? | ||
| You're bullshitting with people. | ||
| You might get a joke out of it. | ||
| I don't know about all that. | ||
| Have you ever eyeball kissed somebody, like touched eyeballs? | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| How old are you again? | ||
| Do it. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| It feels weird. | ||
| Did you do it to a girl? | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| So it's weird touching something that somebody sees through. | ||
| There was a story about a dude who died. | ||
| I don't know if it's true, so I should probably look it up. | ||
| He got staph infection on his eyeball because during a wrestling match, his contact lens came out. | ||
| Fell on a mat, took it, put it back in his eye, and got a staph infection in his eye and wound up dying. | ||
| That could be one of those fucking leprechaun stories. | ||
| No, it makes sense. | ||
| I mean, eye herpes is a real thing, and that's actually pretty common, and you get outbreaks on your eyes. | ||
| Is eye herpes a real thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Eye herpes. | ||
| Eye herpes. | ||
| Eye balls. | ||
| You can get herpes in your eyeballs. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Eye herpes on ocular herpes. | ||
| Ocular herpes. | ||
| So, like, when you go to close your eyelid, like, as you're blinking, it's going over that giant zit. | ||
| Yeah, and you pop your eyeballs in. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| How bold are you? | ||
| How bold do you have to be to pop an eyeball zit? | ||
| Can you imagine if you popped it and you felt the ooze? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, gross. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You probably can't pop an eyeball zit, because what if it gets infected? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Don't Google image search eye herpes, either. | ||
| Just stop and think about some of the fucked up diseases that people can get. | ||
| You don't even know about them until they happen. | ||
| And then you go, wait, what do I have? | ||
| Eyeball herpes. | ||
| I actually looked up surfer's eye one time. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's real, bro? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that... | |
| What is surfer's eye? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's overexposure to sun. | |
| It's called ptergium. | ||
| I can't say that right, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| It's like a cochlear mucus extension. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I sunburned my eyeball. | ||
| And what happens? | ||
| It just starts taking over your eye. | ||
| I think it's sort of like eye cancer. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And what do they do about it? | ||
| I think you're fucked. | ||
| I think I lose your eye. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I mean, I don't think you can grow up. | ||
| Look how much that one guy... | ||
| I guess it's a woman, the black one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| God, this is too horrible. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that. | ||
| Look how it's overcoming her vision. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What's going on with this guy? | ||
| Same thing, surfer. | ||
| No, he's a victim of surf rage. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That guy got his ass lit up. | ||
| Does he have it? | ||
| Kelly Slater has it? | ||
| Do you see it on Kelly Slater? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's just coming up. | |
| Wow, this is crazy. | ||
| I know they get an ear thing too. | ||
| Surfers get surfer ear, where the inside of their ear, they develop like these nodes, like these big bony protrusions. | ||
| Scary shit, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Surfing can't be that good. | ||
| I had a sunburn in my eye once because I was sitting at a table after a rainstorm and the sun had reflected off the table into my eyes for two hours, you know, while I was just sitting there drinking or whatever. | ||
| And the next, like, a couple hours later, I couldn't see out of my eyes for like two days. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It was just burnt. | ||
| My eyes were burnt. | ||
| You had no idea? | ||
| No idea what was going on. | ||
| It's so bright. | ||
| It's so bright. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| At least I'm not looking at the sun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Myrtle Beach. | |
| Again, booze. | ||
| Yeah, that was spring break. | ||
| If you were high, you'd be like, I need some sunglasses, man. | ||
| This is bullshit, man. | ||
| Yeah, it sucked. | ||
| Because I had to go out in public and I remember I went to Red Lobster and I couldn't see and my dad had to walk me through Red Lobster. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Did you hear that Ed Snowden joined Twitter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He got like a million followers in an hour. | ||
| He's at 1.19 billion. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| And he did Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast. | ||
| Neil deGrasse Tyson is such a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He wrote this on Twitter. | ||
| He wrote, Ed Stoughton, after discussing everything from chemistry to constitution on StarTalk, you're a patriot to me. | ||
| Stay safe. | ||
| Poor fucking guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see who he's following? | |
| He's only following one account. | ||
| Yeah, the NSA. Hilarious. | ||
| That is fucking hilarious. | ||
| That's high comedy. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| That's one of those things, man. | ||
| Like, where's that guy gonna be 20, 30 years from now? | ||
| Because, like, living in Russia... | ||
| We're just speculating, but I would imagine that's... | ||
| Well, you know what, though, man? | ||
| If anybody would not... | ||
| I was going to say, it's probably terrifying you're living under this dictatorship, but if anybody would feel that it's not like that, it's him, because he knows what America's like. | ||
| I mean, they're trying to put that fucking guy in jail. | ||
| And why are they trying to put him in jail? | ||
| For exposing crime. | ||
| That's why they're trying to put him in jail. | ||
| They're trying to put him in jail for the very thing that Obama used to have on his Hope and Change campaign website. | ||
| On his Hope and Change campaign website, before Obama became elected, he had this whole thing about whistleblowers, that they would support whistleblowers, people that were exposing crime, and that they wouldn't punish these people, they would help them. | ||
| But meanwhile, he's been the worst for whistleblowers. | ||
| It was bullshit. | ||
| He didn't really have the power that he claimed to have or would have when he got in, and then when he did get in, he didn't do any of the things he said he would do when it comes to whistleblowers, nor did he support them publicly. | ||
| He kept his fucking mouth shut, or he spoke disparagingly about Snowden. | ||
| Meanwhile, if you ask the American people, if you gave like a poll, like if everybody on Twitter had a vote, how many people are happy with what Ed Snowden did and how many people think that what he did was dangerous and he should be in jail. | ||
| I guarantee you most people, especially people that know what the case is actually about, they would support him. | ||
| He went way out of his way to make sure that no one got in trouble, or that no one was doxxed, that their information wasn't released, and that critical operations weren't compromised. | ||
| He went way out of his way. | ||
| And he brought that shit to a bunch of different sources before he brought it to Glenn Greenwald. | ||
| There was a bunch of different people he brought it to that they didn't want to have anything to do with it. | ||
| The whole thing is just so strange. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| You think Obama might help him out before he gets out of office? | ||
| Help him out! | ||
| Maybe not excommunicate him because he's not in prison right now, but... | ||
| He should totally do that. | ||
| He should do that right now. | ||
| He should do that right now. | ||
| He should have a speech, and he should tell the American public that what the NSA did crossed the line, and that the average American person is not a criminal, and we shouldn't be treated as a criminal until proven differently. | ||
| That's not how democracy works, and that kind of pressure... | ||
| Living your life under that kind of pressure is awful. | ||
| Nobody wants to live like that, worrying that people are looking over your shoulder because it affects your freedom. | ||
| It affects the way you think and behave. | ||
| You feel like you're being observed and watched. | ||
| And that has a big impact on how you behave and think. | ||
| If you ever worked in a place where your boss thought you were untrustworthy, or thought you were sneaky, or didn't like you in any way, and they're always checking in on your work, and they're always following you around, it makes working in that office a fucking nightmare. | ||
| You're spending eight hours a day with some fucking guy who's constantly looking at you sideways. | ||
| Imagine, turn it to 24 hours a day. | ||
| And that's what the CIA or the NSA is doing. | ||
| I mean, they're your boss. | ||
| They're checking in on you. | ||
| Let me look at your Google search. | ||
| What do you give a shit about torture? | ||
| I mean, what if you want to find out how they torture people? | ||
| Like, you're allowed to, as an adult, okay? | ||
| As a fucking grown adult. | ||
| And you say, torture tactics of ISIS. Like, I want to know what they do. | ||
| Let's see what they do. | ||
| Okay, let's see what they do in China. | ||
| Let's see what they do. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why are you looking at it? | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| I'm looking at it because it's a possible search result. | ||
| I want to ask a question. | ||
| I want to know. | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| Well, it's not bad. | ||
| But if you start Googling weird shit about Islam or ISIS or, you know, how do you convert? | ||
| What if I want to know how you convert? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| What if I want to know, what's the protocol? | ||
| How do I join? | ||
| Well, what if I want to know? | ||
| Am I going to get visited? | ||
| Because I want to have info. | ||
| I'm not joining ISIS, goddammit. | ||
| But if I want to have some information, like maybe I want to be able to, you know, answer that question. | ||
| If someone says, how do they join ISIS? I researched that, actually. | ||
| This is what they do. | ||
| Well, if you start looking at all that shit, they will put you on a fucking list. | ||
| Well, they're putting you on that list for your own good. | ||
| Are they really? | ||
| How about you just catch people when they do crime? | ||
| How about you just prevent crime from happening and not by making everyone a criminal? | ||
| When you start looking at everybody's fucking email, you start recording everybody's phone calls, you start taking everybody's text messages and putting them in a database. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And we all agree with that. | ||
| Meanwhile, this poor guy, he's in Russia. | ||
| What kind of pussy do you think he's getting over there? | ||
| It's funny how Facebook does that legally. | ||
| Probably hot ones, right? | ||
| Hot in Russia. | ||
| How many accounts do you have... | ||
| Connected to Facebook. | ||
| You know how it's like log in with Facebook? | ||
| You forget how many times you do that. | ||
| And then there's a setting somewhere in Facebook where you can see everything you've done. | ||
| And the other day I looked at it and was like, oh, you listened to this song at 3 o'clock. | ||
| Then you ordered food from this place. | ||
| Then you took an Uber to this place. | ||
| And then I was just like, holy shit! | ||
| So you have so much information. | ||
| So can anybody else look at it? | ||
| No, but Facebook has all that, and I've been doing it for years. | ||
| You just forget when you log in with Facebook how much you actually use Facebook, or you're telling Facebook what you're doing, but you forget that you're logged into E24 with Facebook. | ||
| You're logged into this with Facebook. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| I don't use Facebook to log into anything. | ||
| Yeah, I do, because it's easy. | ||
| It's like, until I don't have to sign up and just push this button. | ||
| Yeah, but it seems to me like that's not good. | ||
| Especially a database like Facebook where they sell your shit. | ||
| Because they sell your shit. | ||
| They're all coming up with new and better ways to profit off of the lists that they can generate. | ||
| But where your buying habits are... | ||
| Like, you know how... | ||
| That always weirds me out. | ||
| Like, you Google something. | ||
| Like, the other day, I was Googling a specific type of binocular. | ||
| Swarovski. | ||
| They're, like, very famous binoculars. | ||
| So I'm Googling. | ||
| I'm looking at the different types of binoculars. | ||
| Then I go to some website, and there's a fucking Swarovski ad in the Google ad things because they know I've been looking. | ||
| Like, oh, what about this? | ||
| Why don't you buy that? | ||
| I know you're thinking about it, man. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that's kind of fucked up. | ||
| It's kind of weird that they tailor the ads to you because I never saw hunting binocular ads and, you know, some fucking BuzzFeed website. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden I see it. | ||
| Like, why am I seeing that there? | ||
| Because it's tailored to my search results. | ||
| And, you know, just saying Olive Garden right now will make Olive Garden play on YouTube, you know, because they go through the audio of YouTube videos and there's certain advertising. | ||
| So you say Olive Garden right now, there will be an Olive Garden ad at the beginning of the podcast? | ||
| A lot of times, yeah. | ||
| If it's a current paid sponsor from YouTube. | ||
| Does that mean that they do a transcript of the show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything is a transcript now. | ||
| Any video you put out nowadays, there's a transcript of. | ||
| Imagine trying to transcribe one of our shows. | ||
| Oh, it's done. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, imagine if you tried to look, if you took parts of it, that's like one of the problems that I have with people taking little snippets of the podcast and then making whole articles about a conversation that was said. | ||
| Because you're taking something that's completely out of context, and all the humor and irony and sarcasm, all that shit's completely missing. | ||
| You just get a sentence. | ||
| You know, like me telling Milo yesterday, you're gay as fuck, dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What was it, BuzzFeed News, or was it Raw? | ||
|
unidentified
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Raw story. | |
| You know, you look at it, you go, what is he saying here? | ||
| Like, why is he saying that to him? | ||
| Like, it looks... | ||
| It's so much different when you see something, like, transcribed. | ||
| Like, transcription is not necessarily a really good... | ||
| It's not the full capturing of a conversation. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| And try to pretend it is. | ||
| If someone puts something in quotes and says that Hillary Clinton said this, okay, can I see how she said it? | ||
| Can I see who she was talking to? | ||
| Can you show me a video of what they were talking about before then? | ||
| Because then I'll only understand what she's really saying. | ||
| And that's how emojis were born. | ||
| That's the purpose of them. | ||
| So you could have a girl going with the hand to the side, you're like, oh, she's been cunty. | ||
| Is that with the hand to the side? | ||
| I thought you were an Egyptian. | ||
| Walk like an Egyptian. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I don't use emojis. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| I'm so deep in emojis. | ||
| And the new ones are about to come out. | ||
| We got Taco on the way. | ||
| Taco? | ||
| Tacos on the way. | ||
| They already have piles of shit and guns. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have gun emojis. | ||
| Sometimes people send me a text and I'm like, I don't know what you're saying, but I think you're going to shoot the shit. | ||
| Shoot shit. | ||
| I overuse eggplant. | ||
| Eggplant? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why do you use that one? | ||
| For cock. | ||
| Oh, your dick? | ||
| Eggplant. | ||
| That's the international dick. | ||
| If your dick looks like that, it's that fat, it's probably dying. | ||
| You probably have a horrible infection. | ||
| Need to go get your dick drained. | ||
| I'd use eggplant, sushi, squirt, the three drops of water. | ||
| That's one way to say a sentence, I guess. | ||
| Black woman. | ||
| You know, it's a funny thing about the way we do language, that we think of that as like the only way to do language. | ||
| But if you look at like hieroglyphs, that's kind of what they did. | ||
| They just do talk in emojis. | ||
| I mean, the Egyptians, they drew all their shit. | ||
| Like, here we are pushing a rock. | ||
| Here we are with the boat. | ||
| You know, this guy has a sword. | ||
| Do they know if the hieroglyphs are written by smart people or not? | ||
| Has that ever come up? | ||
| Well, they were the smartest people around. | ||
|
unidentified
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Otherwise, it'd be people that had hieroglyphs that were making fun of hieroglyphs. | |
| He know fire. | ||
| He's smart. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| We know they were smart. | ||
| The hieroglyphs that are found could have been written by the dumb kids or whatever. | ||
| They were just writing emojis to each other. | ||
| That's the only ones that got found? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, there used to be a thing called the Library of Alexandria, but it was burned, burned the ground more than once, I think. | ||
| I think the Muslims burned it down, and I think someone else burned it down, too. | ||
| I want to say, I forget who it is, but they lost all their records. | ||
| They lost all their... | ||
| People used to go to Egypt from all over the world to learn. | ||
| They used to have psychedelic studies there. | ||
| They used to trip balls. | ||
| They used to fucking learn about mathematics and construction techniques. | ||
| And we don't know what the fuck they taught them. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck they knew. | ||
| We don't know anything. | ||
| We just see amazing, amazing shit that they left behind and go, fuck. | ||
| How the hell did they do this? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| We just guess. | ||
| Just a bunch of guesswork, a bunch of scientists that every now and then someone will put together a paper. | ||
| We've solved the riddle of how they made the pyramids. | ||
| It's quite simple, actually. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Do you know it's not? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's not simple. | |
| They just carved it out of a mountain. | ||
| It's not even a little simple. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Those things are giant, and they're perfect. | ||
| The Great Pyramid has 2,600,000 stones. | ||
| They're cut so perfectly that you can't even wedge a sheet of paper. | ||
| You can't get a razor blade in between the stones in most cases. | ||
| The ones that you see on the outside that are rough and horrible, the reason why they're rough is because the pyramid used to be covered in smooth limestone. | ||
| It used to be this beautiful, smooth, flat surface. | ||
| But when they were building Cairo, those fucking apes, like a thousand years later, two thousand years later, whatever it was, they stole all the limestone from the pyramids. | ||
| They chipped it, chipped it away, pulled it off, and built their streets with it. | ||
| Fucking dummies. | ||
| That's so... | ||
| Can you imagine how fucking stupid they had to be to chip away at the outside of the pyramid and take the limestone off? | ||
| Fucking morons. | ||
| Do you think maybe the pyramids were just a mountain and they just carved the pyramid out of the mountain? | ||
| I think you need to read. | ||
| You need to read books. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| That was one of the explanations for what the Sphinx was. | ||
| The Sphinx was what they call a yardang. | ||
| What a yardang is when you say, like, you've ever seen, like, they always have these, like, mountains where the side of the mountain looks like an Indian's head. | ||
| Well, the idea is you take something like that and then you start actually carving away at it until it really looks like a Sphinx. | ||
| The idea was that there was this rock that looked similar to that. | ||
| It was like some standout rock, and then they did all this stuff to it. | ||
| The problem with that is there's just a lot of evidence for how they built that thing. | ||
| They know how they carved it out. | ||
| The temple that the Sphinx is in, that area that shows all the water erosion, like, they know where the blocks are. | ||
| Like, they take them from here, they move them to there, blocks are missing. | ||
| So they're pretty sure they... | ||
| That's another weird one, because the Sphinx, like, they're reconstructing it. | ||
| And when they're reconstructing it, they're just building on the outside of it. | ||
| Like, they're doing such a shitty job. | ||
| Like, have you ever seen, like, the reconstruction photos of the Sphinx? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, they're just making, like, concrete. | ||
| Well, they are. | ||
| They're doing their own art, and they're covering over the old shit. | ||
| I guess they have to to preserve it, because I guess it's crumbling and falling apart, so a lot of it is just to try to preserve it. | ||
| Jamie, see if you can pull up some pictures of the restoration of the Sphinx. | ||
| Because it's real controversial because when you look at it, you're not really looking at the Sphinx anymore. | ||
| You're looking at a modern interpretation of covering the outside of the feet and parts of the base. | ||
| It's not really the Sphinx anymore. | ||
| They show the feet. | ||
| See that in the upper right hand? | ||
| The middle, sorry. | ||
| The middle you can see. | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, go to view image and spread that out. | ||
| Looks like they just got, we'll just patch it up. | ||
|
unidentified
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It'll be $5. | |
| Look what they're doing. | ||
| They just have modern bricks and they're smoothing it all out. | ||
| So, I mean, yeah, I guess it looks good, like in terms of, you know, it's smooth stones and everything, but what they're doing is not the original Sphinx. | ||
| Have you ever seen those people make the sidewalks where it looks like there's a bunch of rocks, but it's not. | ||
| It's just an illusion where they take this thing, they put it down and make lines to make it look like rocks, and then they wash it a certain way. | ||
| No. | ||
| Jamie, that's... | ||
| I'm sorry, but Jamie, that's not real, right? | ||
| The nose thing. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| Looks like they're building a fake nose in the Sphinx. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| They have this way to make... | ||
| Like where if they're making like a sidewalk they put down this all this concrete then they put like a pattern that looks like Cut out rocks over it and they kind of like step on it They take it off and then they wash like a fake wash on it or something So then the final product looks like they have individual stones in the sidewalk when it really it's just like an illusion and It's kind of like what it looks like they're doing to the Sphinx, | ||
| where they're almost making it look like they're putting new rocks in it, where it's probably just lines, paint, airbrush. | ||
| Yeah, it's real weird, man. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| You know, we have ideas about what a thing is, and other countries have different ideas. | ||
| We would look at that and we'd go, okay, that's not a restoration. | ||
| That shit on the outside is different. | ||
| But in Japan, they have buildings, houses that exist that are a thousand years old. | ||
| And what they've done is restored everything. | ||
| Everything's restored. | ||
| All the floorboards are new. | ||
| The walls are new. | ||
|
unidentified
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Everything's new. | |
| But the shape is the same. | ||
| So, like, we look at it and we go, well, hey, that's not the same building. | ||
| And they go, well, to them it is. | ||
| Because to them, it's the original location. | ||
| They've restored what it looks like, and this is the original building to them. | ||
| But like in Europe, like if you go to a pub in London, you'll go to a pub that's hundreds of years old. | ||
| And that fucking pub is the same. | ||
| You walk down those stairs, it's all worn out where the people's feet have been. | ||
| You look at the walls, you look at the fucking railings on the bar, and it's all worn down. | ||
|
unidentified
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Look at that. | |
| Look at that place, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Fuck, where is that? | ||
| Get some absence. | ||
| That's in London. | ||
| London has some cool old craftsmanship, man. | ||
| I'm gonna go there. | ||
| I've never been there still. | ||
| You've never been to London? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've only been to Canada. | ||
| In Japan. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, London will be interesting if you go, too, because you could do some stand-up there. | ||
| Yeah, there's Sweden. | ||
| I want to go to Sweden and London. | ||
| You would do stand-up in Sweden? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sweden, for some reason, just looking at numbers and stuff like that, Sweden's like number one almost. | ||
| It's right behind Canada and Australia. | ||
| Well, they do speak English. | ||
| That's the cool thing about being American. | ||
| We're so fucking badass. | ||
| Other countries speak our language. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Actually, it's like a European-English thing. | ||
| But if you go to almost all those countries, they speak English. | ||
| I did stand up in Norway. | ||
| Or in Sweden, rather. | ||
| No, Stockholm. | ||
| Yeah, Stockholm. | ||
| Yeah, is there certain countries that you have to know certain rules, like whatever you do to not talk about, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I would imagine, like, in the Middle East especially, you can't talk shit about the royal family. | ||
| Thailand's the same way. | ||
| If you talk shit about the king in Thailand, they'll lock your ass up. | ||
| Have you been following what's going on with the black cabs versus Uber? | ||
| That shit's interesting. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I guess from what I understand is, you know, the guys that used to have the horses back in the days, they used to be like, you know, drive around the horse carriages and stuff. | ||
| Oh, in New York you mean? | ||
| No, in the UK. In England? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then they moved on through cabs and stuff like that. | ||
| And I guess Uber's trying to come over there. | ||
| And so like, this is like a family, you know, my father used to ride horses and stuff. | ||
| And so they're pretty much fighting with the Uber drivers, and they're stopping traffic. | ||
| I sent you something recently. | ||
| The black cabs are protesting where they're just bringing central London to a standstill over this Uber. | ||
| Wow, this is crazy. | ||
| So they just shut down the streets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just park their car and shut down the streets. | ||
| And the black cab drivers are doing kind of like the... | ||
| You know, beating up the Uber drivers and like... | ||
| Old school gangs in New York type shit. | ||
| But Uber just passed in Vegas. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Double charged in L.A. though. | ||
| So it's twice as much as L.A., but still cheaper than a taxi. | ||
| You gotta be in a group too. | ||
| A group? | ||
| Four, five, six people or something like that. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Like a cab. | ||
| There's some weird rules about it. | ||
| Oh, so they're trying to slowly box them out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Thinking about it, last time I was in Vegas, it'd be really hard to, if there's a giant cab line, and you're like, ah, screw it, I'm going to use an Uber instead, you just go off to the side of the street and just stop, and a cab's going to pick you up, Uber's going to stop on the Strip and pick you up, there'd be chaos. | ||
| You're right. | ||
|
unidentified
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There'd be complete chaos. | |
| It would be. | ||
| Cars are stopping everywhere. | ||
| Yep, people getting mad, beeping horns, people are going to shoot people. | ||
| It's going to be crazy. | ||
| They'd have to have Uber ports at the hotels or something like that. | ||
| That's a crazy picture, though. | ||
| That London picture. | ||
| Put that up again, Jamie? | ||
| Look at that photo. | ||
| Look how many cabs there are. | ||
| They've completely shut the street down. | ||
| The folks who are at home were looking at this on DailyMail.com. | ||
| You always got to wonder. | ||
| You read something on the Daily Mail. | ||
| They're kind of full of shit. | ||
| But the picture's incredible. | ||
| They just have all these hundreds and hundreds of cabs shut down the streets, and they're all just sitting around talking. | ||
| Well, you know, I kind of see where they're coming from. | ||
| They don't want to get boxed out by some new competitor, but I kind of see where Uber's coming from, too. | ||
| I took a taxi the other day home from the Comedy Store, and what's usually a $13 cab ride costs me $38. | ||
| You mean $13 on Uber usually, right? | ||
| It's $13 on Uber usually, yes, and it was $38 on it in a taxi. | ||
| $13 is super reasonable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get you all the way to Burbank from the Comedy Store? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, it's nice because if you think about it, parking is usually 20 bucks. | ||
| You pay a little extra. | ||
| You don't have to drive. | ||
| You don't have to get fucked up and drive home. | ||
| And that parking lot next door is always a nightmare. | ||
| The Sunset Strip, rather, it's just so crowded. | ||
| It's such a crazy place. | ||
| They've got La Cienega shut down still, right? | ||
| No, it's open now. | ||
| I think it's open now. | ||
| It was shut down forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how many months was it shut down for? | ||
| Two, maybe? | ||
| It's a while. | ||
| They built something there. | ||
| It's amazing that you can build something. | ||
| You can have so much juice that while you're building, you can shut down the whole street. | ||
| In L.A. on Sunset. | ||
| I mean, what? | ||
| You have that much juice? | ||
| You could shut a street down? | ||
| I'm building my house here. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'd just like you to stop driving cars. | |
| Okay, for how long? | ||
| A couple months. | ||
| What? | ||
| If you said that, like, I want to build my house here. | ||
| But for whatever reason, because they have more money than you, they can do that. | ||
| Like, they're building some stupid-ass fucking building. | ||
| That it's more important they build a stupid-ass fucking building than it is for you to drive on the street that you pay taxes to maintain. | ||
| Or when they're, like, closed down streets for, like, oh, they're filming the Kardashians up ahead, so they close down Sunset. | ||
| That makes me violent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, for movies, too, they'll shut them down for movies. | ||
| Like, fuck you. | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| Like, you don't... | ||
| You can't just sell the street. | ||
| You can't sell... | ||
| How much money are you getting? | ||
| Where's that money going? | ||
| It's inconveniencing all the rest of us. | ||
| And you're talking about a place that's already massively overpopulated. | ||
| L.A.'s extremely overpopulated. | ||
| I have friends that work in downtown, and they go to downtown all the time, and they'll tell you, like, it's a two-hour drive. | ||
| It's a two-and-a-half-hour drive. | ||
| It's 30 miles, and it'll take you two-and-a-half hours at two in the afternoon, three in the afternoon. | ||
| You might not get there until five. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| It's a crazy place to live. | ||
| We're gonna bail. | ||
| Where are we going? | ||
| Where should we go? | ||
| If we bail. | ||
| Oregon? | ||
| Oregon's not bad. | ||
| I'm back to thinking Denver. | ||
| Recreational pot becomes legal Thursday. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoop, whoop! | |
| You're back to thinking Denver? | ||
| Here's why I like Denver over Oregon. | ||
| It doesn't fucking rain every day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| That's a guy who's been rained on every day since he was three. | ||
| He's tired. | ||
| His bones hurt. | ||
| He just looks worn out. | ||
| They look worn out. | ||
| They get worn out. | ||
| Yeah, I think Denver or even maybe... | ||
| I wish Hawaii was more... | ||
| Although, Portland has some hot chicks. | ||
| There's hot girls in Portland. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You wouldn't think they'd be up there. | ||
| There's plenty. | ||
| Even though it's raining all the time. | ||
| They'd probably cry a lot. | ||
| You'd probably cry a lot, too. | ||
| We'd all cry. | ||
| We'd just call each other up. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm thinking of going back to Burbank. | |
| I can't take the winter. | ||
| I can't take the rain. | ||
| Do you see the new Tesla? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What do you think about it? | ||
| Why do they have a fucking space door on it? | ||
| Why is it a Lambo doors? | ||
| It's cool, man. | ||
| Is that why? | ||
| Or is it a functional thing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it looks neat. | ||
| You don't like it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See, I just want to know why they're doing that thing. | ||
| That door thing. | ||
| Where they're opening the door sideways. | ||
| They're opening the doors like the Lamborghini doors. | ||
| Like, why would you want that? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's always got that weird look on his face. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| You know, like he's doing something weird with his lips. | ||
| Like, alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I'm just going to get out of the Model X here. | |
| I saw the new BMW ones. | ||
| Those look cool. | ||
| I like the look of the BMW. The electric one? | ||
| Yeah, the blue and the white or whatever. | ||
| It looks really neat. | ||
| It's a Tron car. | ||
| Some guy in front of me this morning had one. | ||
| Those are expensive, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're really expensive. | ||
| They're like $120,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| That's super expensive. | ||
| This fucking thing he's got is even more than that. | ||
| This fucker's like $140,000. | ||
| It's super expensive and it's stupid fast. | ||
| It's supposed to go zero to 60 in like three seconds. | ||
| What's the battery on this one? | ||
| Probably get you around the block a couple times. | ||
| Shit's out on you and explodes underneath you. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| This is what I think about these things. | ||
| I love the fact that someone's making them. | ||
| I love the fact that they're available. | ||
| And if you live in a place like LA and you have electrical power, you could drive this every day, plug it in at night, you'd be fine. | ||
| But I would always want to have a real car standing by. | ||
| I would always want to have a real car standing by in case the shit hit the fan. | ||
| You had to get out of town and you need something that works on just gasoline, you know, because I just think if you need to drive a long distance, like from New York to California, you can't fucking do it in that thing. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| It goes 250 miles and that's it. | ||
| And you got to fucking charge it. | ||
| And if you don't charge it, it's going to leave you somewhere. | ||
| But if you're just trying to get around town, oh, it's great. | ||
| It's probably the way to go. | ||
| Like, I should probably get one. | ||
| I should probably get a Tesla for, like, a drive around town car. | ||
| It's kind of the... | ||
| Get solar power and a Tesla is, like, the perfect setup for drive around town. | ||
| I sent you a... | ||
| I sent a link of six cars that are taking on Tesla. | ||
| Like, you know, the Porsche Mission E, which looks pretty sweet also. | ||
| Slower than a Tesla, believe it or not. | ||
| But I... I think what's cool is the Thunder Power EV. Have you seen this? | ||
| This looks like a Batmobile. | ||
| Well, the prettiest one was the Fisker Karma. | ||
| Do you remember the Fisker Karma? | ||
| The company went under, but they created this amazingly beautiful car that even had solar panel on the roof that powered the radio. | ||
| But when they had that big storm in the Pacific Northeast a few years back, they left all the Fiskars on the dock, and they all got washed away by the ocean and exploded. | ||
| The water came out of the ocean and filled up the parking lot, and the water level raised up to where the batteries were, and they all exploded. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They had like 16... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's the one I'm talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold up. | |
| That's the Thunder Power EV. Who made that? | ||
| It is a Taiwan-based maker. | ||
| You know what that looks like? | ||
| Like a Nissan GT-R fucked your Volkswagen bug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| It goes 62 miles an hour in five seconds. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| It goes a top speed of 155. That can be right. | ||
| 62 miles an hour in five seconds is so slow. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's stupid slow. | ||
| That can't be right. | ||
| Where does it say that? | ||
| It says a reporter accelerate to 62 miles per hour in less than five seconds. | ||
| Yeah, that's slow as shit, man. | ||
| Like, the modern cars of today, like, you can get SUVs that do that. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Like, that's what I think the Range Rover does. | ||
| I think you can do a Range Rover in five seconds. | ||
| Those Range Rover turbocharged ones? | ||
| Those are fast as shit. | ||
| But to make a dope-looking, really flashy, in-your-face car like that? | ||
| I like the Porsche. | ||
| I think the Porsche Mission E looks... | ||
| Aston Martin? | ||
| Mmm, look at that. | ||
| See, that looks like a Ford Fusion or something to me. | ||
| I think it's because they own them. | ||
| Oh, is that why? | ||
| I think Ford owns Aston Martin. | ||
| Oh, yeah, same front. | ||
| Is there a Ford Fusion or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure Ford owns them. | ||
| Doesn't Ford own Jaguar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| I think. | ||
| Somebody owns Jaguar. | ||
| Mercury. | ||
| No, wait. | ||
| Is Mercury real? | ||
| Is Mercury still a thing? | ||
| Mercury was the same. | ||
| It was like the Ford Taurus, but they just changed the name. | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| Who owns Jaguar? | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| Jaguars today are fucking slick. | ||
| Yeah, I like them. | ||
| Have you seen the new one? | ||
| The new Jaguar Coupe? | ||
| Jamie, pull out a photo of the new Jaguar Coupe. | ||
| I'm trying to find... | ||
| Continue to say... | ||
| Why do they do that? | ||
| Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my car. | ||
| Why don't you sell it? | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah, that looks sweet. | ||
| That is a fucking dope car. | ||
| And is that one of those 360 degree... | ||
| Just go to a regular site instead of the car site so you can get some good images of it. | ||
| It's a nasty car. | ||
| They're super fast, too. | ||
| The F-Type, I think they call it, is like 560 horsepower or something ridiculous. | ||
| Really fast, really loud, like boisterous. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Dude, they nailed it. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| They nailed it. | ||
| I mean, that is a fucking beautiful piece of automotive engineering and artwork. | ||
| They nailed that. | ||
| That is a futuristic-looking car right there. | ||
| It starts off at 63,000? | ||
| They're not that expensive for what they are. | ||
| I mean, for $63,000 you're not going to get the stupid super powerful one, but you still get that same beautiful shape. | ||
| I wonder what their maintenance is like. | ||
| Because, you know, Car and Driver did this thing on the new Corvette. | ||
| I was all gung-ho for the new Corvette. | ||
| I'm like, that car's sick. | ||
| I think I might be interested in driving one of those. | ||
| Go America, all that good shit. | ||
| But their repair record, at least for Car and Driver, Road and Track, Car and Driver, one of those. | ||
| Car and Driver. | ||
| I don't know which one it was, but their repair record was atrocious. | ||
| Like, this thing's falling apart. | ||
| They had to replace the engine already. | ||
| At 6,000 miles, they replaced the entire engine. | ||
| Maybe it was just a lemon that they had, though. | ||
| I had that happen with my old car. | ||
| I mean, everything went wrong with it. | ||
| Look how dope that cockpit looks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| The F-type interior. | ||
| Go full screen on that, Jamie. | ||
| Let me see that. | ||
| A few image. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is fucking... | ||
| That's a spaceship, man. | ||
| God, I just love what they're doing these days. | ||
| I just love the fact that everything continues to improve. | ||
| Like, whatever you buy, whether you're buying toasters or whether you're buying televisions or cars, they just keep making shit better and better and better. | ||
| And now you can get really good shit fairly reasonably, for fairly reasonable money. | ||
| I saw some review they were doing about this new Jeep that they have. | ||
| It's like a Jeep, but it's based on the Fiat platform. | ||
| It's like a tiny Jeep. | ||
| $30,000. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you're in it, and the guy's looking around. | ||
| He's like, this is a nice car, and it's $30,000. | ||
| It's like a small-looking, smushed Jeep. | ||
| But you're in it, and you're looking at the car. | ||
| You're like, you could get this for 30 grand? | ||
| This is pretty nice, you know? | ||
| It's like you drive it. | ||
| It's respectable. | ||
| It's a decent vehicle. | ||
| Do you think Volkswagen's going to survive this? | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| They're fucked, right? | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| Better get your money now, kid. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with mine, and Dean Delray is also thinking about buying a Volkswagen. | ||
| Sell them yours. | ||
| He was there the other day, and they were like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's convertible. | |
| It's almost like a motorcycle. | ||
| They were talking about how, oh, this is a rare one, and it's just a $3,000 extra bonus for this car. | ||
| And I'm like, wait, aren't they about to get fucked, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're doomed. | ||
| All right, I gotta get out of there. | ||
| Give it to Dean. | ||
| Sell it to him. | ||
| He doesn't want a Beetle convertible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doesn't? | |
| What does he want? | ||
| Something gangster? | ||
| The GTI. Oh. | ||
| R. Well, those are fast little cars. | ||
| I used to have a Corrado, a Volkswagen Corrado. | ||
| That was a front-wheel drive car. | ||
| But those GTIs are very fast. | ||
| Yeah, the new ones are ridiculous. | ||
| Well, it's because as the engineering gets better and the cars get better, even a car that used to be kind of quick, like back in the day when I had a Volkswagen, they're fast now. | ||
| If you compared a Volkswagen when I had my Volkswagen, which was 1993, I think I bought it, A Corvette from that day is probably slower than a GTI from today. | ||
| Because they're just better now. | ||
| Everything's better. | ||
| Braking's better. | ||
| Handling's better. | ||
| If it went around a slalom, I bet the GTI would probably beat it. | ||
| Yeah, it's the one he's looking at. | ||
| Don't talk Dean into that. | ||
| Talk Dean into your car. | ||
| Should he be saying this online? | ||
| 292 horsepower. | ||
| It's a nice car. | ||
| It's probably super light, too. | ||
| 292? | ||
| That's pretty respectable for a light car. | ||
| Those are fun, man. | ||
| Little light, fun car like that to drive? | ||
| How much do those go for? | ||
| It's like 30, I think. | ||
| Why don't you tell those dummies to hook you up? | ||
| Say, listen, I could just get on a podcast and talk mad shit about you all the time, but I don't want to do that. | ||
| And say, my friend Joe, he just always wants to talk shit about Volkswagen. | ||
| I discourage a lot of the conversations. | ||
| But anyway, that's beside the point. | ||
| I'm interested in those GTIs. | ||
| Can we make something happen? | ||
| The Golf R. Whatever it is. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| A Golf R? Yeah. | ||
| That's a slick little car. | ||
| That's gotta be fun. | ||
| I just don't know whether to stay with Volkswagen or not. | ||
| They're good engineering. | ||
| I mean, it's German engineering. | ||
| They've always made great cars. | ||
| What they've done is horrible, though. | ||
| I mean, you would have to wonder whether or not that's reflected in the rest of what they're doing. | ||
| What they did is terrible. | ||
| I mean, they've lied. | ||
| It was in the Audis too, right? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It was in the Audis too, I think. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I think Audi was talking about how many different cars it was because they were a part of the thing, but I don't believe it was their cars as well. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it had to do with diesels for the most part, which is what Callan has, that fuck. | ||
| And I was always telling him, like, this thing stinks. | ||
| How could this be good for the environment? | ||
| Does it smell? | ||
| Because I almost bought a diesel one. | ||
| They fucking stink. | ||
| And I was always telling them, I was like, how can this be good for the environment? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's amazing for the environment. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, and it's German engineering built in Mexico now. | ||
| You know what I would get if I was you? | ||
| Honestly, if you don't want to spend too much money, I would get a Volkswagen, not a Volkswagen, a Mustang. | ||
| Get one of the new Mustangs. | ||
| The new Mustang GTs, that's another car that's like 30-something, and they're really fucking good. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| They did a review of one of them recently. | ||
| This guy took it for a test drive and he's driving around. | ||
| He's like, this is a hell of a car for $35,000. | ||
| He's like, it's fast. | ||
| It handles good. | ||
| It looks great. | ||
| This is like the bargain of all American cars. | ||
| Because, like, this is the best Mustang ever, by far. | ||
| Like, by far. | ||
| It's got fully independent suspension. | ||
| The form is beautiful. | ||
| The interior is really nice. | ||
| Like, you get in the interior, you're like, these fucking seats and the steering wheel. | ||
| Like, it's a solid car. | ||
| And then you go, it's only 30 grand? | ||
| Like, you can get a Mustang GT, I think it's 30%. | ||
| $35,000 or $39,000. | ||
| And that thing has 420 horsepower, fast as shit, handles really good. | ||
| I mean, it's a great car. | ||
| But, you know, having such a small, fast, peppy car the last three years, there's a big difference between having almost like a go-kart and then having like a... | ||
| A big muscle car kind of thing. | ||
| Oh, like a Mustang, you mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they're so fast, you would notice a difference. | ||
| And you'd have more space inside of it. | ||
| Like, they handle so good. | ||
| These new ones, like, they don't feel like big... | ||
| You know, like my Barracuda was that big, lumbering, fucking shitty-to-drive car. | ||
| they don't feel like that they feel like connected to the road modern shit man they're just so good at it they're so good at figuring out suspension the dynamics of having like each individual wheel respond to different bumps in the roads like they have these magnetic ride control suspensions they do in these gm cars and they're all working on computers and shit and they know when certain wheels are spinning and certain wheels are like they understand the terrain | ||
| they have cars that can read the road and prepare for the bumps What the fuck? | ||
| Like, they see the road in front of them and be like, uh-oh, bumps coming. | ||
| We're just going to loosen this up and make this light and tighten this up. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| There's something missing. | ||
| Like, when you drive them, they feel numb. | ||
| You know, like, you're not experiencing the feel of the road. | ||
| But, God, their capabilities are just amazing. | ||
| Meanwhile, we're probably 10 years away from having most of the cars on the road automated. | ||
| Maybe 10 years away. | ||
| You're going to get in your car in the morning. | ||
| Say if you had a regular job, you would get in your car in the morning and you would press, you know, office, boom, whatever it is, and you just sit down. | ||
| You sit down, you read your newspaper, you look at your laptop, and that asshole that's not automated, he's going to be the problem. | ||
| You're like, I drove to work today. | ||
| It's just a fucking guy in an old Volkswagen, totally not automated, just running red lights. | ||
| He hit this lady who's automated. | ||
| Yeah, I think that and Uber drones. | ||
| Like, you know, being picked up by a drone is going to be another thing in the future. | ||
| That's way more problematic. | ||
| Because you're going to have to get something that's big enough to fly people around in, which means before Uber ever uses it, people are going to be flying around in them. | ||
| And if once people can fly around in them... | ||
| They're not going to trust other people to drive them around in it. | ||
| There'd have to be a way to... | ||
| You know what they'd have to do? | ||
| They'd have to have those things, but have them completely magnetized on the outside so that they could never collide with each other. | ||
| So there's something that keeps them from each other. | ||
| And then you would have to have some software that overrode the ability to direct it into buildings. | ||
| Because otherwise people would just fucking... | ||
| You fucking cunt! | ||
| I'm coming to your work right now! | ||
| I'm on the 12th floor, you'll never get through the lobby! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| And they'd just fly through the building and kill her. | ||
| I mean, people would do that, you know? | ||
| There'd be people that, they'd just decide, I'm fucking, I'm gonna take out the U.S. Open, it's playing, I'm gonna do the ninth hole, and I'm gonna fucking crash my car right into everybody. | ||
| People just can decide to go places where ordinarily fences were there until now. | ||
| Have you been tempted to buy a drone yet? | ||
| I was at Fry's the other day. | ||
| They had a really nice drone, but it's like $600, but a really nice one. | ||
| I know a guy who has one. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| He brought it to this place we're at in Alberta, and we're all hanging out in this field, and he sent it up in the air. | ||
| And it circled us. | ||
| It circled us all. | ||
| We're all sitting around looking up, and it circled us, and he showed us the video. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, this is nuts. | ||
| Like, it's high-speed HD video from a laptop, or from a cell phone, rather. | ||
| Like, you could attach, like, an iPhone to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
GoPros. | |
| This is crazy. | ||
| GoPros, yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And they're doing it now where it sets up with virtual reality. | ||
| So you put those VR goggles on and then you look through the eyes of the drone. | ||
| The drone flies over trees. | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They're big in weddings now. | ||
| Like, that's a huge thing. | ||
| Photographers from weddings now have big drone fly-throughs at the wedding and stuff like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| What a strange world we live in, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear about the Saudi prince? | |
| What happened? | ||
| He got away. | ||
| How did he get away? | ||
| The guy was accused of rape? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they arrested him for bail. | |
| He got a $300,000 bail and now he's gone. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| He took off out of the country? | ||
| Yeah, his neighbors said he was probably moving. | ||
| They saw some cars come in on, like, Tuesday night, Wednesday, Monday night, something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Next day he's gone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Back to Saudi Arabia, huh? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Saudi royal drama. | ||
| The prince has flown the $37 million. | ||
| So his bail was $37 million? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's his house. | |
| That's how much his house is. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But I heard he was renting. | ||
| I heard he was renting the house. | ||
| We were just talking about this a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Well, we were talking about these guys that come over and they have a shit ton of money and they buy all this expensive real estate and then there was the people that were racing. | ||
| You saw that, Brian, right? | ||
| The racers. | ||
| Oh, he only had a $300,000 bail? | ||
| Yeah, how the fuck? | ||
| They think that that might have been a fucking bullshit LA County thing. | ||
| They were just taking $300,000 to pay for something and then he's out of here anyway. | ||
| Neighbors say they believe the prince has already fled the country in a private jet, leaving his rented house behind. | ||
| One woman, who would only give her name, as Isabelle said, numerous cars were coming in and out of the property late Thursday, and it looked like the prince was moving out. | ||
| Meanwhile, remember, imagine living next to a prince. | ||
| Another neighbor, Eric Stitzkin, Rumpelstitzkin, added, I am sure he has taken off on his private jet by now. | ||
| I don't think he even needs a passport to get out of here. | ||
| Quote me on that. | ||
| Yeah, those guys have money. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| This is what you can get away with in 2015, that you only pay a couple hundred thousand dollars for bail, even though they know you're worth trillions. | ||
| I mean, how much is that guy worth? | ||
| And he just bails. | ||
| And there's nothing they can do about it. | ||
| He's 29 years old, huh? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And his name is so confusing, no one's going to remember it, so he can come back here in a couple weeks. | ||
| Well, he's a prince, dude. | ||
| He can't come back. | ||
| But unless somehow or another they forget. | ||
| Saudi prince accused of sex crimes could face legal lasso in flight. | ||
| What legal lasso? | ||
| Just doesn't come back to America. | ||
| What legal lasso? | ||
| Hey, don't go there. | ||
| They'll arrest you. | ||
| Okay, stay here. | ||
| I mean, unless Saudi Arabia gets bombed, that's not going to happen. | ||
| There's so much money. | ||
| It's really interesting watching Periscope over there. | ||
| Because they just, you know, they want to show off everything they have all the time. | ||
| And I'll just sit there. | ||
| Periscope's really changed me lately. | ||
| I'll just sit in bed and just go on the map and go, let's see who's periscoping in Japan right now. | ||
| You do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just go to Saudi Arabia? | ||
| Yeah, just go to Saudi Arabia. | ||
| It's usually a guy just sitting there in like a backseat of a limo, you know, with like his stuff on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like, hey, what's up, brother? | ||
| And they go in between knowing English. | ||
| I'll just go in and go, yo, what's up, man? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| And they talk to you? | ||
| Oh, hey. | ||
| Yeah, it's so weird. | ||
| They go in between languages. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| So you send a little text message to them? | ||
| Yeah, I just troll people. | ||
| So I'll start trolling. | ||
| I'm like, where's your tiger? | ||
| You guys ever eat bacon? | ||
| No. | ||
| When you go to their page, how many people are viewing it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's usually like 10, 14. Oh, wow. | |
| It's not many people. | ||
| You're so weird, the things that you do. | ||
| It's really interesting watching people on Periscope. | ||
| With the map feature, it's really cool. | ||
| Because you could just go, let's see what's going on in a random town in Mexico. | ||
| And it's just some little Mexican woman just sitting there going, you know. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Making tacos. | ||
| Making tacos. | ||
| Fucking shit. | ||
| Getting the Pope to clean her feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and there's a lot of weird motivational speakers. | ||
| On Periscope? | ||
| Yeah, and a lot of scam artist guys from Beverly Hills. | ||
| Like, yeah, I created this company. | ||
| If anyone wants to meet here and talk about Periscope, and just random women showing up like, oh, you're a millionaire. | ||
| I saw you on Periscope. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| That is creepy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't use it anymore. | ||
| I use it a couple times at the store, and I was like, I can't be fucking bothered. | ||
| And also, I think there's just, I've got too much going on as it is. | ||
| This stuff's already spread me thin, whether it's Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. | ||
| It's like, it's enough. | ||
| I go long periods of time without using any of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Speaking of which, I'll take an Instagram of you right now. | |
| My latest thing is Facebook. | ||
| Thinking about getting rid of Facebook. | ||
| What? | ||
| Like, completely. | ||
| Smile. | ||
| Why would you say you get rid of Facebook? | ||
| You know, when they do that shit where it's like, oh, six years ago today, you did this. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, I completely forgot I had that on there. | ||
| The smile part didn't work. | ||
| Smile again. | ||
| Smile like you're happy. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I gotta get my teeth fixed. | ||
| What are you doing with your teeth? | ||
| My tooth is just... | ||
| I have a tooth that was supposed to be replaced 25 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Punch your tooth again? | |
| I have a tooth that was supposed to be fixed like 25 years ago. | ||
| It's just a temporary tooth and I haven't fixed it. | ||
| Now recently it's just like stained and it won't stop. | ||
| Won't stop staining? | ||
| I wonder why. | ||
| Cigarettes, coffee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| It's supposed to be. | ||
| It's not supposed to be in my mouth though. | ||
| They were like, oh, you know, you could wear this for like a couple months, but you should come in and probably replace this. | ||
| It's just a temporary. | ||
| 20 years later, you're like, um, guys? | ||
| Um, guys? | ||
| I hate the dentist. | ||
| That's one of the most illogical fears, the fears of the dentist. | ||
| I had a lot of trauma as a kid in the dentist though, so it wasn't a happy place for me. | ||
| What about that guy? | ||
| Was he a dentist or a doctor in San Diego? | ||
| He raped eight different women. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| And they gave him a year of house arrest. | ||
| He raped eight different women while they were unconscious, put them under, and fucked them. | ||
| And this guy got a year of house arrest. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Rape culture. | ||
| Rape culture. | ||
| That's one of the times where I side with the social justice warriors. | ||
| I'm like, well, maybe it's right. | ||
| You know, when you see things like that, I mean, obviously. | ||
| You're dealing with 350 million people in this country. | ||
| The number of human beings in this country is fucking staggering, okay? | ||
| And in that staggering number, you're gonna have cunts. | ||
| There's absolutely going to be a certain amount of people that are just horrible. | ||
| And this is one of them. | ||
| Alright, molested, not fucked. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He fucked them. | ||
| He fucked them. | ||
| He penetrated them when they were unconscious. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He doesn't seem like he's very dangerous. | ||
| I mean, I'm not lying, right? | ||
| Didn't they say he had sex with them? | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Well, Cosby, three new women came out today. | ||
| Three new ones? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| One victim was only eight years old. | ||
| Fuck this guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, there's 12 victims. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| He suffers from kidney cancer, quickly pleaded guilty, sparing his victims from testifying about his crimes. | ||
| Dude, I don't want to hear this, man. | ||
| I want this guy to just be dead. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| The idea that someone could do that to you while you're unconscious just fuck you. | ||
| Such one of the creepiest things, man. | ||
| Imagine standing over someone while they're unconscious and just thinking about what you're going to do to them. | ||
| Just flicking them in the head. | ||
| Pulling your dick out, resting on their nose, taking pictures. | ||
| Yeah, I had that once and it freaked me out. | ||
| I woke up in another room and it was dark. | ||
| I'm like, where am I? And I totally forgot where I was, counting backwards. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you thought you were unconscious? | ||
| No, no, like where they make you count backwards and then you wake up and you're in another room and you're like, wait, what the fuck happened? | ||
| Where am I? So what is your fear about the dentist? | ||
| Did you experience pain when you were a kid? | ||
| Yeah, when I was young, I was in a car accident, and my two front teeth got knocked in half. | ||
| They cut in half in this car accident. | ||
| And I had to have a lot of different surgeries. | ||
| I mean, I'm like six years old getting drills and shit in my mouth. | ||
| And then I've had them knocked out before, after that, and they put them in again. | ||
| Growing up, I had a lot of teeth problems, just like surgical stuff. | ||
| Two separate wisdom tooth, compact tooth, implant into my skull. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Teeth are kind of annoying. | ||
| Stop and think about it. | ||
| You only get one pair of them, and they're not even anchored in. | ||
| They come out, you get punched, they fall out, and then they're gone forever. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| I've seen a lot of people get their teeth knocked out. | ||
| It's super common. | ||
| In MMA, it happens all the time. | ||
| It happens in fights all the time. | ||
| I'll be talking to guys even post-fight and they're like, my teeth are knocked out. | ||
| My teeth are really loose right now. | ||
| You see the blood and they have to go and get everything wired in. | ||
| It's real common. | ||
| It's a shitty design. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, nowadays with implants and those fake teeth, everyone has really nice teeth. | ||
| Stem cell dental implants grow new teeth right in your mouth. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's from 2010, but I heard about it recently. | ||
| It still sounds pretty cool, especially with the stem cell stuff you've been talking about. | ||
| Dude, I am a big fan. | ||
| I need a stem cell with my knee. | ||
| You probably do. | ||
| I'm a big fan of the stem cells. | ||
| I wouldn't say my... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I wouldn't say that my shoulder is 100% after a stem cell because I still kind of feel it, but I don't have any pain. | ||
| And I'm not doing anything heavy as far as like bench pressing, but I'm doing a lot of crazy rowing, like heavy weights, like 100 pound dumbbells, 110 pound dumbbells, no problem. | ||
| I'm doing chin-ups, no problem. | ||
| I'm doing hard sets of chin-ups, you know, like where I'm pulling to fatigue, no problem. | ||
| I'm doing push-ups. | ||
| I haven't doing any bench press, but I've been doing like a lot of sets of push-ups because I don't want to tax the area too much because it's only been two months. | ||
| I keep waiting for it to hurt the next day. | ||
| No problems. | ||
| No pain. | ||
| One fucking injection of stem cells. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it seems like every day, like you used to like click and crunch a lot. | ||
| Every day the clicking and crunching gets lighter and lighter. | ||
| It's like it's less and less. | ||
| It's only been eight weeks. | ||
| It'll be eight weeks on Friday. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| It's nuts, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Can you just go get another one, or do you have to wait a certain amount of time before it's... | ||
| That's debatable. | ||
| You know, it depends on who you're talking to. | ||
| Like, Dr. Gordon says I could do it all the time. | ||
| He's like, go in again. | ||
| He's like, it's just healing you. | ||
| He's like, they're just... | ||
| What it is, it's just the stem cells will find the area of your body that's having an issue, and they go in and heal it. | ||
| But the other doctors are more cautious. | ||
| They're like, you know... | ||
| But he's dealing with football players with brain injuries and soldiers with brain injuries and fighters with brain injuries. | ||
| So he's like, what are you, a pussy? | ||
| You got something wrong with your shoulder? | ||
| Shoot it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do they know what happens if they inject too much of it? | |
| The dick grows. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| It grows a second head and they fight to the death. | ||
| The first head and the second head fight to the death. | ||
| Then you have to kill the dead head. | ||
| You have to get it chopped off. | ||
| What if you put stem cells in sperm and then put it in stem cells? | ||
| Probably tastes different. | ||
| You probably wouldn't enjoy it. | ||
| My friend who works at Tejón Ranch, my friend Brian, sent me a photograph. | ||
| When people get mad at people that hunt, I need to understand that one of the biggest things that kills animals like deer and elk is they kill each other. | ||
| This big giant elk got killed by another elk. | ||
| It stabbed him to death with its antlers. | ||
| Look at the size of that fucker. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| It looks like it has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight points on one side and seven points on another. | ||
| So it's an enormous, enormous elk. | ||
| And another elk stabbed it to death with its antlers. | ||
| And they found it rotten with holes in its sides. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| Damn, right now, 10 killed, up to 10 killed in shooter in Oregon College. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Today? | ||
| Yeah, right now. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| 20 injured. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Shooter open, fired. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| If they had guns on schools, here's what's fucked up. | ||
| That wouldn't happen. | ||
| If people are allowed to have guns on campus, if there were armed guards on campus, if teachers were allowed to carry guns, if students were allowed to carry guns, if the gun enthusiasts... | ||
| Like, everybody's worried the gun enthusiasts would be shooting more people. | ||
| I don't think that's the problem. | ||
| I think if people want to shoot people, they can get guns pretty easy, like this guy. | ||
| But I think regular people, if they had guns more often... | ||
| This is a very controversial stance. | ||
| Because a lot of people think that more guns is more problems. | ||
| But I think that a lot of reasons why these people that are horrible, horrible people that go and do these things and shoot up schools is because they know schools are not going to be armed. | ||
| It's the same reason why they don't want to go and shoot up a military base, unless they're trying to suicide. | ||
| You mean like security guards? | ||
| Security guards, teachers. | ||
| I think teachers should be able to have guns. | ||
| There's police at a lot of colleges. | ||
| Are you eating? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had a nibble. | |
| There's police at a lot of colleges. | ||
| Some colleges, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But this was a community college, so I would imagine they didn't. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And how armed are they? | ||
| How well prepared are they for something like this? | ||
| It's terrible, man. | ||
| This fucking shit drives me nuts. | ||
| And again, if you look at the numbers, everybody's terrified. | ||
| And when things like this happen, people call for gun control. | ||
| And I totally understand that way of thinking. | ||
| I understand that you're saying, hey, the problem is the guns. | ||
| We have to take the guns away from all these people. | ||
| We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of irresponsible people. | ||
| We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of insane people, definitely. | ||
| That's 100%. | ||
| But the idea that somehow or another a crazy person doing something bad should prevent a rational, sane person from having a gun, that doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| It just doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's not logical thinking. | ||
| The problem isn't guns. | ||
| The problem is insane people. | ||
| And if they didn't have guns, but they had bombs, you don't think they'd be setting bombs off all over the school? | ||
| So what are we gonna do? | ||
| We're gonna get rid of explosives? | ||
| And then we're gonna get rid of sharp objects? | ||
| We're gonna get rid of everything? | ||
| People are the problem. | ||
| People, their access to weapons is certainly a problem when they're nuts, but the real problem is that they're nuts. | ||
| The vast majority of people that I know that own guns, and this is where it gets crazy. | ||
| This is the truth. | ||
| When I go to the gun range, they're some of the nicest, most polite fucking people. | ||
| The people that I know from the world of hunting, some of the nicest, most polite people. | ||
| They're really friendly folks. | ||
| They're not bad people. | ||
| This idea that you're going to keep some psychopath from guns by taking the guns away from everybody, that's not smart thinking. | ||
| We have to figure out why the fuck people want to shoot people. | ||
| We have to figure out what the hell makes someone want to go to a school and start opening fire and killing a bunch of students. | ||
| That's what we have to figure out, because they're the problem. | ||
| It's not the actual weapon that they're using. | ||
| It's not the problem. | ||
| It's the actions of the human being in their mind. | ||
| It's fucked. | ||
| You know, people are like, you ain't taking away my guns. | ||
| But why are you taking away their guns? | ||
| They didn't shoot anybody. | ||
| They're not the problem. | ||
| The problem is the people that would be willing to do something like this. | ||
| It's not keeping the actual objects away from people. | ||
| It's figuring out what the fuck makes people want to use those objects. | ||
| You don't have a gun, huh? | ||
| No, not a real one. | ||
| I have a lot of fake ones. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| What do you do with them? | ||
| Stick them up your ass. | ||
| Play cops and robbers. | ||
| I'm losing again. | ||
| Shit, don't rape me with this gun. | ||
| Damn it, I can't believe you're doing it again. | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| Why do you have fake guns? | ||
| I need to get a real gun. | ||
| I mean, I have no problem having a gun. | ||
| I only have fake guns because it was for a costume. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's not like I'm trying to really... | ||
| Well, you shot real rifles with me. | ||
| We made that video. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| I got to go next week if you want to go. | ||
| Yeah, I'd love to go. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Probably going to wind up going Monday or Tuesday. | ||
| I'll let you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| It's fun. | ||
| It is fun. | ||
| As long as you have proper ear protection, it's fun to make shit go. | ||
| It was fun to shoot those hard drives. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's such a small target. | ||
| You got to really concentrate. | ||
| We should try to bring some other cool stuff to shoot. | ||
| Yeah, they don't want us to, though. | ||
| It creates a mess. | ||
| We didn't even ask. | ||
| We just brought them out there. | ||
| We were kind of sneaky about it. | ||
| Blew those hard drives to shit, though. | ||
| It's kind of fun. | ||
| It's fun to shoot things. | ||
| People don't like to admit that for whatever reason, but it's fun. | ||
| Guns are fun. | ||
| Interesting thing about the new iPhone, I found out, that they actually have water seals inside of it. | ||
| Did you see that video? | ||
| This woman put her phone in there for, I think it was like an hour or something like that, underwater, no problem. | ||
| Still worked perfectly. | ||
| And everything works. | ||
| The power port works. | ||
| Everything works. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They tore it down. | ||
| They found there's rubber washers around almost everything now that it didn't used to be there. | ||
| And the reason why they're saying that is because Apple has that new trade-in program every year where you can upgrade to a new phone. | ||
| And so now there's going to be so many people returning their phones, they don't want to have a bunch of ruined phones, you know? | ||
| Oh, so it's up to them. | ||
| Oh, thanks, Apple. | ||
| I haven't gotten a new one yet. | ||
| Did you get a new one yet? | ||
| It's backordered right now, but yeah, I'm on that program where you can get a new phone every year. | ||
| They're backordered already? | ||
| Yeah, it was backordered immediately. | ||
| So when you go to the Apple store, they're backordered? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sons of bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot. | |
| Like 13 million or something in the first couple days. | ||
| Yeah, people love them. | ||
| You know, when Lewis was here from Unbox Therapy, I'm telling you, that active Galaxy, I think I like that better than all of them. | ||
| The fact that it's waterproof, has that shock-resistant case, really tough screen. | ||
| I like that one the best. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why doesn't Apple make an Apple Sport? | ||
| You know, make a phone like that. | ||
| Like a little bit smaller screen, like super rugged, make it super waterproof, hard on the outside, can't break it. | ||
| Make a man's phone, brother. | ||
| A man's phone. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| It's early 1215. I got shit I gotta do. | ||
| Anything else going on? | ||
| I'll be in Fresno tomorrow with Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Oh, that sounds like a day and night trip. | ||
| Drive home, son. | ||
| Yeah, but they just added a second show. | ||
| I'm gonna be at the Club One Casino. | ||
| You can go to tickets. | ||
| Just go to deskquad.tv and click on tour dates. | ||
| Powerful Sam Tripoli. | ||
| I ran into him last night. | ||
| He was telling me that he's auditioning for The Tonight Show. | ||
| He's got something going on. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it would be awesome to see Sam do four minutes on The Tonight Show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you do like four and a half minutes. | ||
| But they're having comics on. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's in New York. | ||
| They asked me to do it, but I don't think I can do it. | ||
| I don't think I could do a four and a half minute set. | ||
| I wouldn't even know what to talk about. | ||
| I don't have that kind of an act. | ||
| One story. | ||
| One story. | ||
| Even then, it would be like, God, I would have to really know how to get out of the gate fast to do four and a half minutes. | ||
| It would be a fun writing exercise if I was motivated, but I'm not. | ||
| Fresno, so deathsquad.tv for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And every Wednesday, next Wednesday, Comedy Store have a secret show. | ||
| Oh, next Wednesday. | ||
| It's a secret. | ||
| You just told everybody. | ||
| There's a secret guest. | ||
| Oh, secret guest. | ||
| That I can't talk about. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| Jesus! | ||
| It's getting out. | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| That's it for this week. | ||
| You got four podcasts. | ||
| Why are you complaining, you fucks? | ||
| You got two and a bonus. | ||
| Three and a bonus. | ||
| But we'll be back next week. | ||
| Lots of exciting guests. | ||
| Alonzo Bowden will be here next week, too. | ||
| Very excited. | ||
| I love Alonzo. | ||
| I haven't done a podcast with him yet. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| So, enjoy your weekend. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Here's... | ||
| That's a kiss for you. | ||
| Here's one for your mom. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Much love. | ||
| See you soon. |
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