Joe Rogan and Brian Redban debate California’s drought after a 170-acre reservoir drained overnight, killing thousands of fish, while exploring flash-flood-mitigating concrete. Rogan argues for legalizing cocaine over meth due to its medical potential and historical use in Coca-Cola, dismissing prohibition-era myths like absinthe’s hallucinogenic effects. He warns federal crackdowns on dispensaries could spark civil unrest, mocking religious narratives and lost ancient knowledge—like Egypt’s erased Library of Alexandria. They critique electric vehicles’ range limits, praise Volkswagen’s engineering despite scandals, and fear Uber drones’ safety flaws. The episode ends with Rogan’s frustration over unpunished crimes by the wealthy and teasing a secret guest. [Automatically generated summary]
Unless things, I say always works, but unless things turn into deserts.
Because deserts didn't always used to be deserts.
Like, I think even the Sahara at one point in time was like lush.
And that's the whole take on the Sphinx.
Like, the guys who want to backdate the Sphinx, they've brought in these geologists, specifically this guy named Dr. Robert Schock from Boston University.
And he thinks that the water erosion on the container or the...
The chamber, the temple, the Sphinx, I think they're calling it.
And it's where they carve the Sphinx out of the ground.
The whole temple area where the Sphinx is.
These stones that are carved that have all these water erosion marks all over them.
Like the deep fissures where water cuts through a crack in the rock and does so for thousands of years.
So this is like thousands of years of rainfall that's caused this water erosion.
And the problem with that is the last time there was rainfall in the Nile Valley was like 9,000 BC. Or 9,000 years ago, I think it is.
So it's like 7,000 BC. So that was like the last time there was rainfall there.
So it had to have been several thousand years before that of it raining on those rocks to create that kind of erosion before that place became a desert.
Yeah, and I guess they said if they had a two-week notice, they could have taken all the fish and saved them and moved them to another lake or something like that.
Yeah, especially if it's been a hard road getting over here in America.
You're fucking struggling, you got some sort of a shitty job doing construction work under the table for cash, and now here you're at the party, finally, and you're just getting lit.
This is insane and we're looking at a video now for folks listening to this where there's a giant water truck and the water truck is pouring water onto this parking lot and the water is just disappearing.
There was an article in one of the LA magazines about, I forget which magazine, but it was about how a lot of these poor communities in, like, South Central LA, like, cocaine is, like, stupid expensive right now, apparently.
But meth is, like, way more common.
And so they're bringing meth in.
And because everybody already has weed, like, the people that were bringing in weed before, they can't make any money off of weed.
So now they've switched it to meth.
And all these people are fucked up on meth.
In these, like, really shitty areas and shitty communities.
Alcohol is one of the most destructive to your body, destructive to society, destructive to your behavior and the kind of activities you engage in, drunk driving, violent altercations.
Being drunk can be horrible.
It can wind up terrible.
And it's completely pervasive.
It's everywhere.
It's so prevalent.
You can get booze in family restaurants.
You can go to a family restaurant and get fucked up.
You know, I mean, you could get fucked up to the point where you fall asleep, drive, and you kill a bunch of people.
100% you could do that.
You could get the drug of choice, the most destructive drug, at every CVS, every pharmacy, every supermarket.
Every supermarket you go to, you can get fucked up.
You go down that liquor aisle, you just grab bottles, throw them in your cart, you could drink them in the car, and you would never be able to drive home.
Like, instantly, you'd be fucked.
And it's legal.
The idea that cocaine's not legal is silly.
I wouldn't do it.
I would try it.
I think I would definitely try it.
I would try it just if I knew it was absolute cocaine.
Because, like, Tom Sawyer from the Punchline in San Francisco, from Cobbs, remember Tom?
He was always talking about rockstar cocaine.
Like, I did rockstar cocaine with Kinison.
And I'm like, what's rockstar cocaine?
He was talking about it like it was like someone talking about the days back when Jesus was around.
I think the idea is that the cocaine you're getting when you go to a regular place and you're partying, Is half speed or 20% speed or 5% speed or whatever the fuck it is.
It's stomped on.
It's cut up.
But the rockstar cocaine is pure cocaine.
And when you get pure cocaine, this idea is that it's a better experience.
I found out I didn't smoke crack just the other day.
That's so funny you said that because I found out that what it was, somebody was talking about freebasing cocaine, which is where you cook it with baking soda and you get the pure, what you're doing is you're extracting the purity of the cocaine.
According to Dr. Carl Hart, one of the guys that I've talked to on occasion, he's a drug expert.
He was on like the Bill O'Reilly show the other day.
That's one of the reasons why I got in touch with him again.
I saw him on the Bill O'Reilly show.
I'm like, dude, how do you do that?
He was on it for like, he maybe said like 30 seconds worth of shit in the entire time he was on.
Maybe talked for like 15 seconds before someone interrupted him.
It's like one of those stupid shows, which is like, Jesus.
Anyway, he was talking about how crazy it is that you get sentenced far more brutally if you get caught with crack.
And like what kind of jail time you're looking at versus getting caught with cocaine.
And he's like, it's totally racist because it's the same drug.
It's the exact same drug.
He's like, there's no difference whatsoever between the two.
The experience, the high, if you do one, you do the other.
It's the same thing.
So the fact that one of them will get you like 10-year mandatory minimum and the other one you're out in like six months or whatever the fuck it would be if you're selling one or the other.
It's just because they're selling it in these crime-filled environments.
So whether or not it's racist or whether it's a response to the environment in which they're selling crack, the idea is if you go into the country club and you're teeing off with Brad at 4 p.m., you guys are going to do a little bump before...
You're not the guy who is selling crack out of the backseat of his hopped up Nissan and, you know, shooting at people and who knows what the fuck else he's doing, what kind of stupid shit this guy's involved in.
The idea of what they can do and not do legally is so fucked up because one of the ways they bust pot dealers is they weigh not just the pot, but they weigh the dirt and the pot that the pot is planted in.
They weigh the whole thing they don't cut your trees down and and say well listen How much of the effective drug do we have here because once you pull the buds out?
You're dealing with a fraction of the weight of the tree, but these assholes they they weigh the pebbles that are in the soil They weigh everything the water that you you know you water those plants They're in the pot the pots heavy tough shit for you.
It looks like you got a fucking 50 pound pot plant You're like what?
There's not even a pound of weed on that stupid plant.
I But they'll hit you for 50, and then they'll get you for major possession, major distribution.
It's a goddamn travesty.
The fact that this has been going on for so long, too.
It's into our middle ages.
I mean, you and I are both in our 40s now.
And we're still living in this ridiculous society that thinks it's okay to lock people in a cage because they decide they want to do this.
I want to smoke this.
Or I want to grow that.
I want to sell that.
You can sell tomatoes, but don't sell weed.
Fuck you.
It's stupid.
We're grown adults.
You know, the idea that we're going to go to the grave and the world that we leave behind is going to be just as fucking stupid as it was when we were in high school.
That's infuriating to me.
You know, and I don't think that making cocaine legal or a bunch of people doing cocaine is going to help anything.
I certainly don't think that.
But if it does help one thing, it'll help people recognize what coke really is.
Like, if you see someone who's fucked up that's a drunk, like, you go, like, I've seen people at bars, I'm like, I am not fucking drinking.
Like, I don't want to be that guy, you know?
And like, I think we, that's a big part of how people learn, is watching people around us fuck up.
When no one around you fucks up, that's when you have this distorted perception of what's going on.
Having no real understanding of what the effects of cocaine are on a one-to-one basis.
If you saw it, if you saw someone that you know doing it, or if you did it You would know.
Like right now, it's got too much myth behind it.
You know, it's part of the fucking Scarface thing.
You know, like you're fucking, I don't give a shit, bro.
I'm doing coke.
You know, it's not just that you're doing this speedy drug.
It's also that you're being a bad boy or a bad girl doing that coke.
Marketers love to capitalize on the product's illicit reputation, but the fact is it's no more likely to make you see things than vodka, whiskey, or tequila.
Absinthe was banned because it's hallucinogenic.
That's also another myth.
If absinthe isn't hallucinogenic, why was it banned?
In most European countries and in the US in the early 20th century, absence became a victim of its own popularity when the French wine industry and temperance movement targeted a common scapegoat to promote their respective agendas.
In reality, according to Brews, whatever his name is, it was a cheap, adulterated versions of the drink.
Oh, it was cheap, adulterated versions of the drink, sold by unscrupulous manufacturers, not unlike bathtub gin during Prohibition that caused the problems.
Okay, so they just decided to capitalize on it, sort of the same way a partnership for a drug-free America.
Like, if you don't know, I used to do a bit about the dog, the lady with the talking dog, as many comedians did, but there was a stupidest commercial where the girl would come home from school and the dog would be like, hey, I miss my friend.
Wish you wouldn't get high all the time.
It's the stupidest fucking commercial, isn't it?
But then you find out as stupid as that commercial is that it was made by something called a partnership for a drug-free America Well when you go into that that's where it gets hilarious a partnership for a drug-free America was financed in part at least by alcohol tobacco and pharmaceutical companies so I'm like Alcohol companies talking shit about pot is like hookers doing commercials against strippers.
I'm like, that's literally what it's like.
This is just cutting out the competition.
That's all it was.
So we were watching these stupid fucking commercials going, who is making these?
What is this?
What's the agenda?
Well, the agenda was to stifle competition.
Which is mind-boggling.
When you really find out that drug companies that make trillions of dollars selling drugs, if you combine the alcohol, the pharmaceutical industry, and the tobacco industry worldwide, that is trillions of dollars.
Trillions.
The amount of money is staggering.
And those fucks were financing a partnership for a drug-free America.
And they let him!
They fucking let him!
It's hilarious.
It's like a group of murderers banding together to stop the UFC. It's so stupid.
It's so fucking stupid.
Absence in the US isn't real.
Absinthe in the US. A few exceptions aside, the quality and authenticity of the absinthe found in the US market...
Huh?
The quantity and authenticity is very good, he says.
Hmm.
What does that mean?
Well, he's saying that it's good.
I don't get it.
In contrast, the EU market remains heavily contaminated with offerings that amount to flavored vodka and green dye posing as absinthe.
I thought then you were going, because I mean, just watching movies, you know, but like natural born killers, you know, they went in that whole like thing where there's flying horses with...
That's probably really dangerous, because I think some medications, if you're taking something that is an antidepressant like SSRI, you're not supposed to do ayahuasca, certain SSRIs.
And I think also, if you're taking anything where it gets really dangerous, if you're taking anything that's an MAOI, a monoamine oxidase inhibitor, Which is very common in some forms of medication and it is the reason why you can take ayahuasca in an oral form.
So normally when you, like, ayahuasca, when you're taking it, what you're doing is essentially it's like a slow release DMT trip, right?
DMT is in so many different plants, it's in hundreds, thousands even, that your body produces something to break it down in your gut.
So if you were eating lettuce, and the lettuce had DMT in it, you'd just trip your fucking balls off, right?
So your body's like, well, this is ridiculous.
We can't just keep tripping every time we have a salad.
So your body produces something called monoamine oxidase, and that MAOI is also a part of the ayahuasca mixture.
The inhibitor is something called harmine.
So what it is is it inhibits your body's natural production of this stuff that breaks down DMT. So it allows it to get into your bloodstream and you have this wild crazy trip.
But apparently that same active ingredient in harmine also exists in a bunch of prescription medications.
So if you're on that prescription medication and you go and you take this other stuff as well, you get this overdose effect and it could be super dangerous for you apparently.
Super dangerous to fuck with that stuff too.
Prescription ones and try to make like your own version of ayahuasca, like by taking DMT with an MAOI, like you gotta know what the fuck you're doing.
It can be real, real dangerous.
It can be super, I mean, you're fucking with brain chemistry.
There's one thing if you're doing something that has like thousands of years of history.
Like if you do mushrooms, who the fuck dies for mushrooms?
You have to do the wrong mushrooms.
If you're getting mushrooms from a reputable source, Not like there is one, but if you know what you're doing and you get mushrooms, you grow them yourself, let's say, it's just mushrooms.
Like, you know what to expect.
Like, you can get really fucked up, but you're gonna live, right?
But when you start fucking with, like, pharmaceutical drugs and pills and extracts and who knows, man?
Who knows?
You could run into some shit.
You know, again, it's part of the problem with things being illegal, is that we don't know exactly...
How many people don't even know that when you eat weed, you're tripping your fucking balls off on this 11-hydroxy metabolite?
You're not even getting, like, the THC. How many people know that?
Very few people do.
That's why it's so much stronger when people freak out about how strong pot cookies are.
It's not even weed.
It's not even the same drug as smoking it.
The reason why we don't know is because it's illegal.
They should be teaching that in school.
They teach you in school like how many ounces of alcohol you could have for 100 pounds of body weight in order to worry, you know, like if you could drive, like you could have six ounces of beer and then you could drive.
If you get over that, now you start getting into the illegal area.
Everybody kind of knows, right?
Everybody kind of knows, like two beers, you're getting close to the line.
Have you had two beers in the span of half an hour?
You might be close to the illegal driving line, right?
But what is it with eating weed?
What is it, you know, what is it with smoking weed?
We don't fucking know.
I mean, everybody has their own tolerance, for sure, but we don't, there's no, like, established number that everybody knows.
Like, oh, if you eat this, how many milligrams have you had?
Ten?
Oh, you're fine.
Because of the fact that it's illegal, there's all this guessing, and you gotta, it takes a long time to figure it out.
You gotta talk to a bunch of different people and get answers.
It's like he's doing it, he's getting like a narcotic effect, you know?
I mean, you gotta think about like Joey's history.
You know, Joey's whole life, he's done some sort of drugs.
And now, all he does is smoke weed.
But his whole life, he's done like horrible drugs.
You know, like terrible, terrible drugs.
And a lot of coke.
The coke was probably the good one.
You know, he did a lot of crazy shit.
And so for him, I think he probably misses that complete, total escape from reality that you could get when you eat 500 milligrams of Chiba Chus.
You're going down, man.
The world...
The world will become paper thin, walls will crumble in front of you like they're made out of dust, and you'll just be looking over the landscape that is the impending doom of your own body and society and the death of your wife and children and your friends and everyone dying.
You're going to see that.
That's what you're going to see on those goddamn podcasts.
Chibichu 500 milligram Death Stars.
He had two Death Stars the other day.
Two.
Two Death Stars.
Two.
I've never even heard of anybody eating two of those things.
I don't know if you know about this, but this is on the internet, and we're talking about things that may or may not be legal, federally...
Federally.
What a creepy situation that is.
The federal government still, like, that's why these guys that are running for president on the Republican side, some of them are so fucking scary.
Because if they really do say, do what they say they're going to do, and get into office, and then all of a sudden go after these pot shops, start raiding them.
Like, you're looking at, like, some Civil War shit.
No one's rating anything, but they're talking about it.
This Chris Christie guy, especially.
No one thinks he can actually become president, but if he did become president, one of the things that he said he would do is immediately go into Colorado and Washington State and shut down all the pot sales.
It's because, you know, we all know people that are really good at one thing and they suck at other stuff.
And the more attention you put to this one thing, oftentimes you neglect areas of your life.
Like, how many, like, tortured geniuses?
That's like a really common term that people love to use.
I always torture genius.
Someone who's a genius in their musical life, but in their personal life, it's just constant chaos.
They're an asshole and they're screaming at people and throwing things around.
What is that?
What is that?
But ultimately, you look at it...
If you separate yourself from society's idea of how you should behave or shouldn't behave, and society's idea of what's aesthetically pleasing about some kinds of music and how difficult it is to do, and just look at it outside of culture, right?
Well, you look at it like a mathematical problem.
You go, well, this is real simple.
This guy has resources, right?
And he's dumped all the resources into this one thing.
Like, running.
He's like, he's the best runner of all time.
But his personal life is chaos.
His family fucking hates him.
His friends, he's a backstabber.
Like, like the Lance Armstrong situation.
You know, guy is like the baddest fucking biker of all time.
Meanwhile, he's suing people.
The people that are saying that he did drugs, he's like, I'll fucking sue you, I'm suing this person, I'm suing that one.
He's got all this chaos going on.
Like, this overwhelming desire for victory sort of takes over pretty much every aspect of the rest of your life.
Like, they say Michael Jordan, you can't even play pool with that guy.
If you beat him in pool, he will fucking hate you.
He hates you.
Because what is his thing?
Well, his thing is just winning.
His overwhelming thing is winning.
And I don't know what he's like in real life, but I haven't heard good things.
I've heard like he doesn't tip.
I've heard like weird shit like that, you know?
Like he's not necessarily the nicest guy.
What could that be?
Well, it could be like he didn't focus on that.
He focused everything on this one thing.
Everything on this one thing.
This is what's important.
I think you get a lot of that with people.
I think this Ben Carson guy, he probably focused so much on that that he didn't apply that objective reasoning and that intellect to examining the various aspects of the mythology that he's accepted as his reality.
Because Christianity, at the end of the day, with no proof, everything is mythology.
Everything.
With no proof.
With proof, then you examine the proof.
It's super simple.
And anybody that argues against that, you're just biased.
You have your own ideas.
If you have some proof that there was a God, that this God had one son, and he made this son come down and get the fuck beat out of him and nailed to a board so that we could all have no sin.
Can you show me some studies?
Do you have a box of evidence that you can pull out and we can examine all the different pieces that points to the undeniable conclusion that that's true?
Because if you don't, then it's a myth.
Then you're believing mythology.
Doesn't mean it's not real, but if you put all your fucking eggs in that basket and you don't have any proof at all, Well, you're entering into this weird world where you don't pay attention to shit.
You're entering into this weird world where you ignore certain aspects of things because you've decided what is and what isn't.
That's not thinking.
That's not thinking.
It's like it's convenient cookie-holder placement of ideas.
It's not thinking.
Because if you're thinking, you can't accept it.
If you're thinking, you go, wait, what?
He came back from the dead?
Has anybody ever done that?
Three days?
He came back from the dead.
I don't think you can do that.
I mean, that's what people would do normally.
But, you know, I went to, my kid had a function today, and I went to this function, and they're all, we're singing God Bless America, and there's like something about heaven in there, and there's school prayer.
I'm like, okay, are we teaching people?
We're teaching kids things, right?
What's heaven?
Where is this?
Is this a real thing?
Are we just pretending heaven's real so the kids feel good and they can get through 12th grade?
What are we doing here?
What are we doing?
You know, we have to make shit up about stuff that we don't know Instead of just accepting what we do know.
Instead of just celebrating and accepting what we know about life, we have to pretend that there's a heaven.
And you're gonna go to heaven when you die.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Like, you're teaching my kid nonsense.
Why don't you teach him some Rumpelstiltskin shit?
Why don't you make some shit up about leprechauns?
You're making shit up about heaven.
I'm not saying heaven doesn't exist, but you're just making it up.
You're teaching a school, in a class.
You're making them, and then in heaven, God in heaven.
God in heaven?
Where's heaven?
Who's God?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
You're making up some shit.
You're making up some shit in a school.
Like, and you don't, okay, like if the kid comes to you, like, where is heaven on a map?
Can you take me to, do we have a Google Earth?
Can we check out heaven?
Can I see the harp?
unidentified
Oh, well, you know, heaven is our heavenly father.
And again, it's just not saying that Jesus isn't real.
It's just saying, like, if that story existed in any other form other than religion, you'd be like, what?
If you looked at that story outside of religion, if it wasn't something that, you know, you made the sign of the cross every morning and went to school and prayed, if you just read the story about a guy who was magic and could turn water into wine, who could...
Heal people.
What did he do with fish?
Did he fucking give people fish or some shit?
Make some fish?
The whole thing's so stupid.
He'd be like, wait a minute, who told you this?
Well, it's a long story.
See, it was actually spoken about for about a thousand years for anybody bothered to write it down.
You'd be like, wait, what?
Shut the fuck up.
They told it for a thousand years.
The Old Testament, they told the Old Testament for a thousand years.
It was spoken.
For a thousand years!
That's so long!
That's like, just stop and think how fucking stupid that is.
Literally, that would be like going back to the Julius Caesar days.
And Julius Caesar, like a thousand years ago, the Romans were around a thousand years ago, right?
No, before that.
It'd be like Genghis Khan.
It'd be like Genghis Khan's life and no one bothers to write it down until now.
I mean, that's so stupid!
The idea behind that is so stupid that you could tell a story for a thousand years and get it right when you write it down.
It is interesting, like, you know, Pope, you know, he believes in the Big Bang Theory and evolution's real, so it seems like they kind of have to slowly start accepting everything, but when it comes down to it, they still believe, you know, a magic man, you know, Jesus, flying around with lasers.
I'll tell you what, man, it always weirds me out when they have that guy on TV. It weirds me the fuck out.
It weirds me out.
I was watching Colbert.
It was so strange, man.
It was Colbert and Gaffigan, who I love, Jim Gaffigan, and Maria Shriver and some other weird dude.
And they were sitting around talking about what it means to be a Catholic.
And I was like, what?
Like, what are you talking about?
And they were talking about forgiveness, and Catholicism is all about forgiveness, and Maria Shriver is, like, being all proud to be a Catholic, and they're showing the Mass.
I'm like, I'm like, hit the brakes.
Aren't you grown adults?
Like, you guys are, you're into nonsense?
So you're into nonsense.
Is that what this is?
Because you're showing nonsense.
You get this guy dressed like he's in a fucking Harry Potter movie, and he's standing in front of all these people with a chalice.
He's wearing a cult outfit.
He literally is wearing a cult outfit from a thousand years ago.
And you're all sitting there listening to this nonsense.
You're there to witness a guy who works for an organization that owns a building that houses the largest gay bathhouse in Europe.
Yeah, that's what the Vatican owns.
I mean, the whole thing is so fucking ridiculous, and that this guy is meeting with all these people all across America, and they're all so happy to meet the Pope.
This is so amazing, and he listens to people's stories, and he decides whether or not people should be able to get married if they're gay.
It's hilarious.
He supported that Kim Davis lady.
That lady went to the Vatican.
They had a meeting with her.
She got an audience at the Vatican.
He told her that he was saying that people shouldn't have to violate their beliefs.
So essentially, he was supporting her.
He was supporting her decision not to marry gay people.
It totally depends what part of the foot like if you kiss like my shin my instep my instep I consider a weapon It's like kissing a knuckle, but if you suck on my little pinky toe I have a problem with that.
Yeah, I mean I just googled Pope kisses feet and the first thing is humbling moment Pope Francis washes Rome prisoners So it's just him washing a bunch of guys mmm He washes them?
Yeah, well she would have deals where she would have to wear her socks like many days in a row so they would really stink.
And then she would sell them.
Duncan's girl did.
She would like have deals like, I gotta wear them for three days.
She'd be like, I'm gonna walk my dog and get these socks nice and stinky.
It's like she would just be walking around.
And socks, you know, here's something weird.
Socks, like cotton socks, stink so fucking bad.
The worst, though, is like plastic.
You ever have like some sort of nylon material in the socks?
I've had athletic socks that were so bad.
Like I'd wear them for a couple hours and they would just fucking reek where I'd have to throw my sneakers in the washing machine.
Like, what's that smell?
But what doesn't smell is wool.
When I go hunting, we can wear the same socks.
I'll wear the same socks for days in a row.
Days in a row.
They don't stink.
It's weird, because it's wool.
Somehow or another, wool...
Here's another thing about wool.
Merino wool, especially, I guess, maybe all wool.
But when it gets wet...
You stay warm.
Whereas like if cotton gets wet, you're fucked.
Like so when you hunt, a lot of times it's cold as shit out, but you're dressed heavily and you're walking like up hills and you heat up and you start sweating.
Well, if you're wearing cotton, it's really fucking dangerous because that's how people get hypothermia.
They start walking, they walk up hills and then they sit down and they fucking freeze to death.
Because your whole body is like soaking wet from walking and then you sit and you're like, oh Jesus, like you get tired and you can't go on anymore.
Well, you got wet clothes on, man.
You got to make a fire to dry your clothes off.
You got to take your clothes off and dry them by the fire or you're not going to make it.
But if you have wool on, it's crazy.
You could be wet and you're still warm.
It's real weird.
It's a non-synthetic.
It's a biological hair.
Because its wool is lamb's wool, because it's coming, you know, it's lamb's hair.
It preserves heat better, and it, like, the reaction that it has to moisture is completely different.
So if I looked at my arm and I waved my arm, it looked like there was a blue line around it at points.
very neon trippy like laser kind of like if you see like a uh film with a low exposure rate you know where you see like the weird trippy stuff and if i blinked my eyes everything got really bright for a second and then it went dark like darker so it's like i was seeing through a filter and somebody said they think it's an ocular migraine which is a migraine that you don't have a headache but your eyes from stressing it looking at computers or lack of sleep
uh that happened But I've had it happen twice in a month.
I just think it will be one hour, and then it'll be two hours, and then it'll be four hours a day, and the next thing you know, I'm not writing any new jokes.
I'm not going to the improv or the comedy store.
I'm not sitting in front of the The computer or pen and paper and getting shit done.
No, I'm jonesing.
Jonesing to go frag people.
To go fucking chain gun someone and rail gun them.
I had a sunburn in my eye once because I was sitting at a table after a rainstorm and the sun had reflected off the table into my eyes for two hours, you know, while I was just sitting there drinking or whatever.
And the next, like, a couple hours later, I couldn't see out of my eyes for like two days.
Like, where's that guy gonna be 20, 30 years from now?
Because, like, living in Russia...
We're just speculating, but I would imagine that's...
Well, you know what, though, man?
If anybody would not...
I was going to say, it's probably terrifying you're living under this dictatorship, but if anybody would feel that it's not like that, it's him, because he knows what America's like.
I mean, they're trying to put that fucking guy in jail.
And why are they trying to put him in jail?
For exposing crime.
That's why they're trying to put him in jail.
They're trying to put him in jail for the very thing that Obama used to have on his Hope and Change campaign website.
On his Hope and Change campaign website, before Obama became elected, he had this whole thing about whistleblowers, that they would support whistleblowers, people that were exposing crime, and that they wouldn't punish these people, they would help them.
But meanwhile, he's been the worst for whistleblowers.
It was bullshit.
He didn't really have the power that he claimed to have or would have when he got in, and then when he did get in, he didn't do any of the things he said he would do when it comes to whistleblowers, nor did he support them publicly.
He kept his fucking mouth shut, or he spoke disparagingly about Snowden.
Meanwhile, if you ask the American people, if you gave like a poll, like if everybody on Twitter had a vote, how many people are happy with what Ed Snowden did and how many people think that what he did was dangerous and he should be in jail.
I guarantee you most people, especially people that know what the case is actually about, they would support him.
He went way out of his way to make sure that no one got in trouble, or that no one was doxxed, that their information wasn't released, and that critical operations weren't compromised.
He went way out of his way.
And he brought that shit to a bunch of different sources before he brought it to Glenn Greenwald.
There was a bunch of different people he brought it to that they didn't want to have anything to do with it.
He should have a speech, and he should tell the American public that what the NSA did crossed the line, and that the average American person is not a criminal, and we shouldn't be treated as a criminal until proven differently.
That's not how democracy works, and that kind of pressure...
Living your life under that kind of pressure is awful.
Nobody wants to live like that, worrying that people are looking over your shoulder because it affects your freedom.
It affects the way you think and behave.
You feel like you're being observed and watched.
And that has a big impact on how you behave and think.
If you ever worked in a place where your boss thought you were untrustworthy, or thought you were sneaky, or didn't like you in any way, and they're always checking in on your work, and they're always following you around, it makes working in that office a fucking nightmare.
You're spending eight hours a day with some fucking guy who's constantly looking at you sideways.
Imagine, turn it to 24 hours a day.
And that's what the CIA or the NSA is doing.
I mean, they're your boss.
They're checking in on you.
Let me look at your Google search.
What do you give a shit about torture?
I mean, what if you want to find out how they torture people?
Like, you're allowed to, as an adult, okay?
As a fucking grown adult.
And you say, torture tactics of ISIS. Like, I want to know what they do.
Let's see what they do.
Okay, let's see what they do in China.
Let's see what they do.
Why?
Why are you looking at it?
Who the fuck are you?
I'm looking at it because it's a possible search result.
I want to ask a question.
I want to know.
Why is that bad?
Well, it's not bad.
But if you start Googling weird shit about Islam or ISIS or, you know, how do you convert?
What if I want to know how you convert?
How does that work?
What if I want to know, what's the protocol?
How do I join?
Well, what if I want to know?
Am I going to get visited?
Because I want to have info.
I'm not joining ISIS, goddammit.
But if I want to have some information, like maybe I want to be able to, you know, answer that question.
If someone says, how do they join ISIS? I researched that, actually.
This is what they do.
Well, if you start looking at all that shit, they will put you on a fucking list.
Well, they're putting you on that list for your own good.
Are they really?
How about you just catch people when they do crime?
How about you just prevent crime from happening and not by making everyone a criminal?
When you start looking at everybody's fucking email, you start recording everybody's phone calls, you start taking everybody's text messages and putting them in a database.
Fuck you.
You know?
And we all agree with that.
Meanwhile, this poor guy, he's in Russia.
What kind of pussy do you think he's getting over there?
No, but Facebook has all that, and I've been doing it for years.
You just forget when you log in with Facebook how much you actually use Facebook, or you're telling Facebook what you're doing, but you forget that you're logged into E24 with Facebook.
And, you know, just saying Olive Garden right now will make Olive Garden play on YouTube, you know, because they go through the audio of YouTube videos and there's certain advertising.
Yeah, but I mean, imagine if you tried to look, if you took parts of it, that's like one of the problems that I have with people taking little snippets of the podcast and then making whole articles about a conversation that was said.
Because you're taking something that's completely out of context, and all the humor and irony and sarcasm, all that shit's completely missing.
You just get a sentence.
You know, like me telling Milo yesterday, you're gay as fuck, dude.
They're cut so perfectly that you can't even wedge a sheet of paper.
You can't get a razor blade in between the stones in most cases.
The ones that you see on the outside that are rough and horrible, the reason why they're rough is because the pyramid used to be covered in smooth limestone.
It used to be this beautiful, smooth, flat surface.
But when they were building Cairo, those fucking apes, like a thousand years later, two thousand years later, whatever it was, they stole all the limestone from the pyramids.
They chipped it, chipped it away, pulled it off, and built their streets with it.
Fucking dummies.
That's so...
Can you imagine how fucking stupid they had to be to chip away at the outside of the pyramid and take the limestone off?
That was one of the explanations for what the Sphinx was.
The Sphinx was what they call a yardang.
What a yardang is when you say, like, you've ever seen, like, they always have these, like, mountains where the side of the mountain looks like an Indian's head.
Well, the idea is you take something like that and then you start actually carving away at it until it really looks like a Sphinx.
The idea was that there was this rock that looked similar to that.
It was like some standout rock, and then they did all this stuff to it.
The problem with that is there's just a lot of evidence for how they built that thing.
They know how they carved it out.
The temple that the Sphinx is in, that area that shows all the water erosion, like, they know where the blocks are.
Like, they take them from here, they move them to there, blocks are missing.
So they're pretty sure they...
That's another weird one, because the Sphinx, like, they're reconstructing it.
And when they're reconstructing it, they're just building on the outside of it.
Like, they're doing such a shitty job.
Like, have you ever seen, like, the reconstruction photos of the Sphinx?
They just have modern bricks and they're smoothing it all out.
So, I mean, yeah, I guess it looks good, like in terms of, you know, it's smooth stones and everything, but what they're doing is not the original Sphinx.
Like where if they're making like a sidewalk they put down this all this concrete then they put like a pattern that looks like Cut out rocks over it and they kind of like step on it They take it off and then they wash like a fake wash on it or something So then the final product looks like they have individual stones in the sidewalk when it really it's just like an illusion and It's kind of like what it looks like they're doing to the Sphinx,
where they're almost making it look like they're putting new rocks in it, where it's probably just lines, paint, airbrush.
I guess from what I understand is, you know, the guys that used to have the horses back in the days, they used to be like, you know, drive around the horse carriages and stuff.
Thinking about it, last time I was in Vegas, it'd be really hard to, if there's a giant cab line, and you're like, ah, screw it, I'm going to use an Uber instead, you just go off to the side of the street and just stop, and a cab's going to pick you up, Uber's going to stop on the Strip and pick you up, there'd be chaos.
And if you live in a place like LA and you have electrical power, you could drive this every day, plug it in at night, you'd be fine.
But I would always want to have a real car standing by.
I would always want to have a real car standing by in case the shit hit the fan.
You had to get out of town and you need something that works on just gasoline, you know, because I just think if you need to drive a long distance, like from New York to California, you can't fucking do it in that thing.
You can't do it.
It goes 250 miles and that's it.
And you got to fucking charge it.
And if you don't charge it, it's going to leave you somewhere.
But if you're just trying to get around town, oh, it's great.
It's probably the way to go.
Like, I should probably get one.
I should probably get a Tesla for, like, a drive around town car.
It's kind of the...
Get solar power and a Tesla is, like, the perfect setup for drive around town.
The company went under, but they created this amazingly beautiful car that even had solar panel on the roof that powered the radio.
But when they had that big storm in the Pacific Northeast a few years back, they left all the Fiskars on the dock, and they all got washed away by the ocean and exploded.
The water came out of the ocean and filled up the parking lot, and the water level raised up to where the batteries were, and they all exploded.
I just love the fact that everything continues to improve.
Like, whatever you buy, whether you're buying toasters or whether you're buying televisions or cars, they just keep making shit better and better and better.
And now you can get really good shit fairly reasonably, for fairly reasonable money.
I saw some review they were doing about this new Jeep that they have.
It's like a Jeep, but it's based on the Fiat platform.
Well, it's because as the engineering gets better and the cars get better, even a car that used to be kind of quick, like back in the day when I had a Volkswagen, they're fast now.
If you compared a Volkswagen when I had my Volkswagen, which was 1993, I think I bought it, A Corvette from that day is probably slower than a GTI from today.
Because they're just better now.
Everything's better.
Braking's better.
Handling's better.
If it went around a slalom, I bet the GTI would probably beat it.
But, you know, having such a small, fast, peppy car the last three years, there's a big difference between having almost like a go-kart and then having like a...
But they're so fast, you would notice a difference.
And you'd have more space inside of it.
Like, they handle so good.
These new ones, like, they don't feel like big...
You know, like my Barracuda was that big, lumbering, fucking shitty-to-drive car.
they don't feel like that they feel like connected to the road modern shit man they're just so good at it they're so good at figuring out suspension the dynamics of having like each individual wheel respond to different bumps in the roads like they have these magnetic ride control suspensions they do in these gm cars and they're all working on computers and shit and they know when certain wheels are spinning and certain wheels are like they understand the terrain
they have cars that can read the road and prepare for the bumps What the fuck?
Like, they see the road in front of them and be like, uh-oh, bumps coming.
We're just going to loosen this up and make this light and tighten this up.
It's incredible.
There's something missing.
Like, when you drive them, they feel numb.
You know, like, you're not experiencing the feel of the road.
But, God, their capabilities are just amazing.
Meanwhile, we're probably 10 years away from having most of the cars on the road automated.
Maybe 10 years away.
You're going to get in your car in the morning.
Say if you had a regular job, you would get in your car in the morning and you would press, you know, office, boom, whatever it is, and you just sit down.
You sit down, you read your newspaper, you look at your laptop, and that asshole that's not automated, he's going to be the problem.
You're like, I drove to work today.
It's just a fucking guy in an old Volkswagen, totally not automated, just running red lights.
Because you're going to have to get something that's big enough to fly people around in, which means before Uber ever uses it, people are going to be flying around in them.
And if once people can fly around in them...
They're not going to trust other people to drive them around in it.
There'd have to be a way to...
You know what they'd have to do?
They'd have to have those things, but have them completely magnetized on the outside so that they could never collide with each other.
So there's something that keeps them from each other.
And then you would have to have some software that overrode the ability to direct it into buildings.
Because otherwise people would just fucking...
You fucking cunt!
I'm coming to your work right now!
I'm on the 12th floor, you'll never get through the lobby!
Fuck you!
And they'd just fly through the building and kill her.
I mean, people would do that, you know?
There'd be people that, they'd just decide, I'm fucking, I'm gonna take out the U.S. Open, it's playing, I'm gonna do the ninth hole, and I'm gonna fucking crash my car right into everybody.
People just can decide to go places where ordinarily fences were there until now.
Well, we were talking about these guys that come over and they have a shit ton of money and they buy all this expensive real estate and then there was the people that were racing.
Neighbors say they believe the prince has already fled the country in a private jet, leaving his rented house behind.
One woman, who would only give her name, as Isabelle said, numerous cars were coming in and out of the property late Thursday, and it looked like the prince was moving out.
Meanwhile, remember, imagine living next to a prince.
Another neighbor, Eric Stitzkin, Rumpelstitzkin, added, I am sure he has taken off on his private jet by now.
I don't think he even needs a passport to get out of here.
This is what you can get away with in 2015, that you only pay a couple hundred thousand dollars for bail, even though they know you're worth trillions.
I wouldn't say that my shoulder is 100% after a stem cell because I still kind of feel it, but I don't have any pain.
And I'm not doing anything heavy as far as like bench pressing, but I'm doing a lot of crazy rowing, like heavy weights, like 100 pound dumbbells, 110 pound dumbbells, no problem.
I'm doing chin-ups, no problem.
I'm doing hard sets of chin-ups, you know, like where I'm pulling to fatigue, no problem.
I'm doing push-ups.
I haven't doing any bench press, but I've been doing like a lot of sets of push-ups because I don't want to tax the area too much because it's only been two months.
My friend who works at Tejón Ranch, my friend Brian, sent me a photograph.
When people get mad at people that hunt, I need to understand that one of the biggest things that kills animals like deer and elk is they kill each other.
This big giant elk got killed by another elk.
It stabbed him to death with its antlers.
Look at the size of that fucker.
It's huge.
Huge.
It looks like it has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight points on one side and seven points on another.
So it's an enormous, enormous elk.
And another elk stabbed it to death with its antlers.
If they had guns on schools, here's what's fucked up.
That wouldn't happen.
If people are allowed to have guns on campus, if there were armed guards on campus, if teachers were allowed to carry guns, if students were allowed to carry guns, if the gun enthusiasts...
Like, everybody's worried the gun enthusiasts would be shooting more people.
I don't think that's the problem.
I think if people want to shoot people, they can get guns pretty easy, like this guy.
But I think regular people, if they had guns more often...
This is a very controversial stance.
Because a lot of people think that more guns is more problems.
But I think that a lot of reasons why these people that are horrible, horrible people that go and do these things and shoot up schools is because they know schools are not going to be armed.
It's the same reason why they don't want to go and shoot up a military base, unless they're trying to suicide.
How well prepared are they for something like this?
It's terrible, man.
This fucking shit drives me nuts.
And again, if you look at the numbers, everybody's terrified.
And when things like this happen, people call for gun control.
And I totally understand that way of thinking.
I understand that you're saying, hey, the problem is the guns.
We have to take the guns away from all these people.
We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of irresponsible people.
We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of insane people, definitely.
That's 100%.
But the idea that somehow or another a crazy person doing something bad should prevent a rational, sane person from having a gun, that doesn't make any sense to me.
It just doesn't make any sense.
It's not logical thinking.
The problem isn't guns.
The problem is insane people.
And if they didn't have guns, but they had bombs, you don't think they'd be setting bombs off all over the school?
So what are we gonna do?
We're gonna get rid of explosives?
And then we're gonna get rid of sharp objects?
We're gonna get rid of everything?
People are the problem.
People, their access to weapons is certainly a problem when they're nuts, but the real problem is that they're nuts.
The vast majority of people that I know that own guns, and this is where it gets crazy.
This is the truth.
When I go to the gun range, they're some of the nicest, most polite fucking people.
The people that I know from the world of hunting, some of the nicest, most polite people.
They're really friendly folks.
They're not bad people.
This idea that you're going to keep some psychopath from guns by taking the guns away from everybody, that's not smart thinking.
We have to figure out why the fuck people want to shoot people.
We have to figure out what the hell makes someone want to go to a school and start opening fire and killing a bunch of students.
That's what we have to figure out, because they're the problem.
It's not the actual weapon that they're using.
It's not the problem.
It's the actions of the human being in their mind.
It's fucked.
You know, people are like, you ain't taking away my guns.
But why are you taking away their guns?
They didn't shoot anybody.
They're not the problem.
The problem is the people that would be willing to do something like this.
It's not keeping the actual objects away from people.
It's figuring out what the fuck makes people want to use those objects.