May 13, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:50:48
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| There's a lot of people listening, a lot of folks. | ||
| Look at you looking at me. | ||
| God bless you. | ||
| Look at you looking at me looking at you. | ||
| Look at you with your yoga class. | ||
| I did yoga class for the first time in a while. | ||
| All stretched out. | ||
| It's fucking hard to do, but you feel great. | ||
| You ever do it? | ||
| Yeah, I kept falling asleep. | ||
| I swear to God, I was doing it at the West Side Y in New York. | ||
| I'd go with my wife. | ||
| I would always fall asleep. | ||
| You fell asleep in yoga class? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't even know how that's possible. | ||
| Well, you know, you lay down and just don't get up. | ||
| Really. | ||
| It's hard to do though. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I fell asleep a number of times. | ||
| But I mean, it's hard. | ||
| The yoga's hard to do. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Maybe this wasn't that hard. | ||
| This was just like stretching and stuff. | ||
| I did hot yoga. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No way. | ||
| As soon as you walk in, you're sweating. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| But it's good for you. | ||
| You really stretch out because of it. | ||
| But goddamn, it takes a long time to stop sweating. | ||
| After you get out of there, I was sweating for like an hour and a half. | ||
| Did you drink a lot? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Drank a ton of water before, a ton of water after. | ||
| But it's so hot in there. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how many, 100 plus degrees, whatever the fuck it is while you're in there. | ||
| Drinking alcohol must be a good buzz after that. | ||
| Yeah, you'd probably die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Nice cold beer with a shot of vodka? | ||
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| A shot of vodka? | ||
| You heard me, tough guy. | ||
| I don't drink vodka by the shot. | ||
| I'm more of a screwdriver sort of a gentleman. | ||
| Screwdriver? | ||
| What are you, my aunt? | ||
| I like a little bit of orange juice. | ||
| Why don't you have a Tom Collins? | ||
| Tom Collins. | ||
| I don't even... | ||
| I don't even know what a Tom Collins is. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I just like the name. | ||
| I know what a Cosmopolitan is, but I don't know what's in it. | ||
| But I know the broads like it, Dom. | ||
| I'll have a Cosmo. | ||
| There's a few drinks, right, that they're feminized for whatever reason. | ||
| Those drinks became a woman's drink. | ||
| And then there's like vacation drinks, like a pina colada. | ||
| If you're out with the boys. | ||
| But you can't get high on them. | ||
| You get sick first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Oh, that's sweet, yeah. | ||
| You can get pretty fucked up on those things. | ||
| Get a buzz on the pina coladas and how much ice you gotta drink. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But the ice is probably good for you. | ||
| It helps rehydrate you. | ||
| I'm back on the sauce, by the way. | ||
| Back up, back down. | ||
| Back up, back down. | ||
| You're in, you're out. | ||
| I swear, I'm never doing it again. | ||
| That's a danger of being a comedian, though, because I set my alarm, like, if I'm hungover, I got a show at 8 o'clock, I set my alarm for 6. P.M.? Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's sad, I mean. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, like, you got, you know, you got kids, you got a life. | ||
| I got, I'm a stand-up. | ||
| Nothing else. | ||
| I'm a clown. | ||
| I'm a verbal clown. | ||
| So, the time between you go to bed and 6pm, all that's spent sleeping? | ||
| Well, no, but it's just... | ||
| I roll over in pain and agony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lament my mistake for the night. | |
| Because the buzz doesn't last nearly as long as the suffering. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| If you are willing to go through the hangover just to get to that buzz, that's a big... | ||
| But you don't. | ||
| It's the opposite. | ||
| You go through the buzz and then you get the hangover. | ||
| I regret it every time. | ||
| Very few people would go through... | ||
| The only way to get drunk is you had to feel like shit for 24 hours first and then you could drink. | ||
| Nobody would drink. | ||
| Right now, as soon as you said the Ice House was sold out, I thought to myself, me and you, martinis. | ||
| That's the first thing I thought. | ||
| Why'd you think that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just had the image of having a martini before you went on. | ||
| What kind of martini? | ||
| Like a James Bond type? | ||
| Shaken, not stirred? | ||
| That kind of shit? | ||
| A little bit dirty. | ||
| A little dirty? | ||
| I like saying that to a girl. | ||
| A little stinky. | ||
| Grey goose. | ||
| Extra dry. | ||
| You know what extra dry means? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Straight alcohol. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The other thing is vermouth they put in them, which waters it down a little. | ||
| That's why it's called a martini instead of a straight glass of vodka. | ||
| But basically... | ||
| They're either gin or vodka, but everybody just makes them pretty much strong. | ||
| What's vermouth? | ||
| It's like some kind of sweet liqueur that's mixed with... | ||
| You wouldn't drink it on its own. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So you only drink it in a drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, olive juice is goddamn delicious. | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| Especially in a nice martini. | ||
| It's good for the blood pressure, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure. | |
| Juice of salt. | ||
| Olives are very good for everything, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Olives are fantastic for you. | ||
| Yeah, the olive oil. | ||
| That's why all these Italians and French live so long. | ||
| And those poor fucking Greek fucks. | ||
| Those people, they live on that place where nothing else grows. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| The island? | ||
| They gotta eat olives and shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, it's hard. | ||
| Yeah, the places where olives grow, like people that use olives as a staple in their diet, it's very laborious. | ||
| I have an olive tree in my yard. | ||
| It's not easy getting olives out of that fucker. | ||
| Did you ever think you'd have an olive tree, Joe, where you grew up? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| I didn't ask for it. | ||
| It was just there when I moved in. | ||
| But my dogs eat the olives. | ||
| You don't eat them? | ||
| Yeah, nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You don't just eat them. | ||
| I would never trust anything that I grew. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'd still go to the store, even if I had an orange tree. | ||
| No, I have oranges. | ||
| I eat those. | ||
| Lemons, I eat those. | ||
| I grow tomatoes and kale. | ||
| I have a garden. | ||
| I grow a bunch of different kinds of vegetables. | ||
| I eat them all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kale. | |
| They're good. | ||
| Tomatoes, especially. | ||
| You can grow some fucking jam and tomatoes in your yard. | ||
| Tomatoes can be delicious. | ||
| I've never had a craving for kale. | ||
| I never woke up in the middle of my, babe, we got any kale? | ||
| It's always chips and soda. | ||
| Why is it always the bad stuff you crave? | ||
| I don't know, but I'm on a good run lately. | ||
| I came home from the comedy store last night. | ||
| How'd you do? | ||
| Killed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Killed. | |
| I destroyed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Destroyed. | |
| And I said, you know what? | ||
| I was thinking about eating unhealthy, and I said, I'm on a good run right now. | ||
| I'm going to go to the fucking supermarket, get a bunch of fresh vegetables, and blend those fuckers up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I made a kale shake at like 1 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| That's why I like those juices that it's all like green juice and stuff. | ||
| Because that's a lazy way out, but at least it's healthy. | ||
| Yeah, there's a good place down the street from here I go. | ||
| It's called Juicy Lady. | ||
| And they have them, you know, you just order them right there. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| But just get fucking vegetables in your body. | ||
| So many people don't drink enough vegetables. | ||
| They don't eat enough vegetables. | ||
| It's like the number one problem, I think, that most people have. | ||
| They just don't get enough nutrients in their body, and their body's forced to make do. | ||
| You live a dull existence, like your mind is dull. | ||
| You know, your body feels dull. | ||
| I eat a little too much salami. | ||
| I love salami. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what God's plan was. | ||
| If you really love it, you're not going to live long. | ||
| I found this place. | ||
| It's called Bordeaux. | ||
| It's out in Agora Hills. | ||
| I was just here the other day. | ||
| And they make their own charcuterie. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Charcuterie? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's, you know, smoked meats. | ||
| They make their own salamis and hams and stuff like that. | ||
| It was fucking fantastic. | ||
| When you find someone who's an expert at that shit and they really know what they're doing, I'm going to bring the guy some bear meat and have him turn it into salami. | ||
| You going hunting again? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Have you shot a bear? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I shot a bear. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Just come over and eat some. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| I'll just stop it in and out. | ||
| Tastes good, man. | ||
| People have this idea of, like, people ate bearish for a long time before supermarkets were invented. | ||
| Well, it's funny how we separate what's really good for us to eat. | ||
| Like, it's okay. | ||
| Like, chickens and, you know, there are certain things... | ||
| Like, I wouldn't think of eating horse or buffalo. | ||
| I ate some horse in Montreal. | ||
| Montreal. | ||
| There's this place called Joe Beef. | ||
| It's a famous restaurant. | ||
| Oh, I know it. | ||
| You know that place? | ||
| I've been there, yeah. | ||
| That place is fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| And they served us beef two different times. | ||
| One time, it was like a beef tartare. | ||
| Or, excuse me, not beef, horse. | ||
| I was in there with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Were you? | |
| When? | ||
| Yeah, I think the night of the fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm, maybe. | |
| I'm almost positive we went there. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| After that great French kid... | ||
| George St. Pierre? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been there a bunch of times. | ||
| I probably took you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Did you eat the horse? | ||
| Did you have a horse there? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I went with Duncan. | ||
| We had horse tartare. | ||
| Oh my God, that's really going too far. | ||
| Like egg and... | ||
| Oh, so good. | ||
| I hear the ponies delicious. | ||
| I'm a donkey guy myself. | ||
| And we had a horse tenderloin, you know, but it's one of those things like, you know, you say horse to people and it's for some folks Like there's a lady that lives in my neighborhood. | ||
| I would never tell her that I ate a horse She rides she rides her horse by my house every day and she's real nice, you know Don't let her know that I eat horse I don't eat a horse on a regular basis. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| It's too rich. | ||
| Donkey cock is a delicacy. | ||
| We served horse on Fear Factor. | ||
| It was one of the biggest issues on the show. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, as far as people complaining, we serve people horse rectums. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people were so angry. | ||
| They were so angry. | ||
| We had so many calls. | ||
| And this was like, you know, the early days of Fear Factor was essentially before the internet had a real voice. | ||
| You know, it wasn't. | ||
| The social media aspect of the internet hadn't really been created yet the way it is now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was more of like, you know, there was like a few websites and a few blogs and stuff like that. | ||
| But the Twitter presence, the Facebook, you know, the communities that existed, they didn't exist like they do now. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing what world's changed with that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| For the good and for the bad, but more for the good than anything. | ||
| You helped me get on that. | ||
| You gotta get on it, Dominic, because it's the only way to promote. | ||
| I had Lou Gatz before you. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta promote. | ||
| I mean, it's the best way, because you think about all the stuff that we used to have to do. | ||
| You know, every time you would go on the road, you'd have to show up days earlier and do all this press. | ||
| Like, I think Ralphie May was still doing that up until recently, where he would show up at a town, like, weeks out, and do press, and then come back in a week of, and... | ||
| You know, really try to get the word out that he was going to be there. | ||
| I'll do press in Philly. | ||
| Like I told you, I have the Atlantic City gig next week. | ||
| Yeah, the Atlantic City gig is a great gig for you, right? | ||
| That's your area. | ||
| Those are your goombas. | ||
| Tropicana next Saturday, and it's 2,000 people. | ||
| It's the most intimate 2,000 theater I've ever been in. | ||
| You know how they're built in such a way, like it's kind of an arc, and so half of them are kind of around you. | ||
| It's really beautiful. | ||
| You worked at AC at all? | ||
| Yeah, I've done the Borgata a couple times, but that's it. | ||
| I've never done the Trop. | ||
| But the difference is, the Borgata is a four wall, so the casino is not as behind you as they are at the Sands. | ||
| The Borgata was good, but the Sands is great. | ||
| Not the Sands. | ||
| Tropicana. | ||
| You know why I say the Sands? | ||
| Because it's the best gig I've had since the Sands. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that was the first place I ever headlined. | ||
| Imagine how cool that was, Joe, for me. | ||
| You know the feeling. | ||
| I go there with Cher, which is already a big deal. | ||
| My family and friends are there. | ||
| And then, you know, nothing like pleasing your sister, your mother, people you love. | ||
| And then I get the headline there. | ||
| And I got the headline, and then he had me headline when Whitney Houston couldn't make like a couple nights. | ||
| And then I opened for her. | ||
| What a fucking nightmare. | ||
| You opened for Whitney Houston? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She was late all the time. | ||
| And I'm up on stage, you know, and I told the crowd, I said, look, I'm not jerking you guys off. | ||
| I said, I'm up here, not because I'm being self-indulgent. | ||
| She ain't here. | ||
| And I said, I ain't taking a bullet for her. | ||
| She ain't here. | ||
| And then they started cheering. | ||
| I said, and I'm not going to leave you in the dark. | ||
| Wow, so you just hung out with them? | ||
| Well, no, I just stayed on stage. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| Oh, like 45 an hour. | ||
| I was supposed to do 25 minutes, you know. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And where was she? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She was probably doing coke and eating pussy. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I can't even believe you said that. | ||
| Don't you know she has left us? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Have some respect for the dead, Dom Herrera. | ||
| Take it back. | ||
| I take it back. | ||
| If it's bad karma, I take it back. | ||
| I like that part. | ||
| Doing coke and eating pussy? | ||
| Yeah, I'd like to be there to watch it at the very least. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| But I've eaten some pussy. | ||
| How about you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know them all. | ||
| You actually know them. | ||
| Whitney Houston, that was a weird one, right? | ||
| Because like when she was doing that movie, My Bodyguard, she was America's Sweetheart. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And you know, her and Kevin Costner were in love and she was the superstar and she had that amazing voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| She didn't have an amazing voice when I worked with her, though. | ||
| She was going down. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| From the coke and all. | ||
| Yeah, she was. | ||
| Tell you who was fucking great was Natalie Cole. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Of all the people I opened for, she was fucking talented. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Did you ever do that stuff, Joe? | ||
| No, no, I never opened for... | ||
| Well, I did some stuff for MTV where I opened up for Bon Jovi once. | ||
| Oh, they're good guys. | ||
| Did you get to hang with them? | ||
| Yeah, just said hi. | ||
| They were very nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I'm trying to think, maybe one or two other bands I think I did. | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| But the Bon Jovi one was weird because it was a theater in the round. | ||
| It was the first time I ever did it. | ||
| Oh, I hate theater in the round. | ||
| It was very weird because there was all this musical equipment on stage, too, and they asked me to... | ||
| I was warming up the crowd, and I was also supposed to get people to come closer to the stage, and they wanted me to just get attractive people. | ||
| They wanted me to just get pretty girls to come closer to the stage. | ||
| You, stay back! | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
| There's no way to do that without being a lech or a creepy fuck. | ||
| Hey, pretty girl, come over here. | ||
| What are you girls with the nice ass and the big tits? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come here. | |
| Like, what do you do to that? | ||
| I don't remember how I handled it. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| It was, you know, early 90s. | ||
| My first gig was Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Asbury Park Convention Center. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| And a guy says to me, you know, 4,000 people, which was really a lot then. | ||
| I was just starting out, you know. | ||
| And a guy hands me $250. | ||
| He goes, stay on as long as you can. | ||
| Right? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Yeah, exactly what it said. | ||
| Exactly what he said. | ||
| So I go up, and I'm like, remember that Pinche Loaf bit I used to have? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Pinche Loaf, the Cafe Squad, the Rose Squad. | ||
| I was doing that bit. | ||
| And half the audience was laughing. | ||
| 2,000 people laughing. | ||
| The other 2,000, we hate you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joan! | |
| Joan! | ||
| They're screaming, right? | ||
| And I was up there for less than, like, maybe two minutes, and somebody tossed just like a Dixie cup top, just, you know, a light piece of paper. | ||
| All I had to see was that I was out of there. | ||
| And the guy goes, you did great! | ||
| I go, he's only on for two minutes! | ||
| He goes, nobody lasts that long. | ||
| What the fuck do you have comedians for? | ||
| You know, it's a change of pace because the band's tuning up. | ||
| You can hear the band tuning up. | ||
| Yeah, that's one thing that's weird about opening for bands. | ||
| They will tune up while you're on stage. | ||
| Well, on that level, yeah. | ||
| I mean, when I worked with Shera, it was classy because she was the one that was by far the best job I ever had opening for anybody. | ||
| Because, you know, she had a great crowd. | ||
| She had transvestites and grandmothers with their grandchildren. | ||
| That was the audience? | ||
| Yeah, eclectic. | ||
| You know what the security told me? | ||
| If they ever saw a single straight guy alone and he looked straight, they would track him all night. | ||
| Because no guy alone goes to a Cher concert if he's straight. | ||
| If it's a gay guy dancing and happy, no problem. | ||
| So if someone's gonna be like a crazy stalker. | ||
| It's gonna be a straight guy. | ||
| Straight guy. | ||
| But she was fun to open for. | ||
| Yeah, you enjoyed working with her, right? | ||
| Yeah, I really liked her. | ||
| Do you have like a friendship with her? | ||
| Do you contact her? | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| But you know, she's very isolated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She's a good person and You know, she was like, she used to ask me about the world like she wasn't really in it, because she wasn't really in it. | ||
| She'd go, what's it like? | ||
| You know, she asked me about people, and one night we went to, I talked her into going out in Montreal. | ||
| I said, look, why don't you drop the outfits? | ||
| Stop wearing a top hat and a cane. | ||
| And like, maybe nobody will notice you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can just picture her with the fucking tails, those coattails, flopping around, skipping back and forth, putting on a rinse. | |
| And she, you know, so we go to an ice cream place and some like old guy, like a French guy, Hey, aren't you the famous one? | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| And that's all she had to hear. | ||
| She goes, yeah, who could ever forget all what's her name? | ||
| So then I validated that she can't go out, you know? | ||
| One guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But we had a good time. | ||
| You know, we used to, it was a funny thing, in the casino, we would meet, like in the arenas, I would do my act, then they'd have a break, and then she'd come up. | ||
| So we'd never see each other, except she had like a team prayer, and sometimes I was in that. | ||
| But one night, we would cross each other. | ||
| One night, her grandmother and grandfather were there, and she said to me, she goes, you just did a jizz joke with my grandparents there? | ||
| And I said, and by the way, your ass is out, and your grandfather's looking at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she started laughing. | |
| Well, was that one video she did where she was on like a battleship? | ||
| Yeah, To Turn Back Time, I think it was. | ||
| If I could turn back time. | ||
| Joe, you got a little sharing. | ||
| If I could find a way. | ||
| I like some Cher songs. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| What was that song? | ||
| Gypsies, tramps, and thieves. | ||
| That's what the people of the town. | ||
| I didn't like Half Breed. | ||
| Which one's Half Breed? | ||
| Half Breed, but I loved the Bob Dylan song she covered. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| She's on a goddamn missile. | ||
| All I really want to do is baby be friends with you. | ||
| She's riding a cannon. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that hair. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Hey, Joe, we put the song on the net... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| iTunes. | ||
| iTunes. | ||
| iTunes or YouTube? | ||
| Yeah, it's called Just to Disappoint You Further. | ||
| The one you played last time you were here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Were you doing any music back when you were opening for these people? | ||
| No, but I did one time come out. | ||
| We were at Madison Square Garden. | ||
| We weren't at the big room. | ||
| We were doing the smallest 7500s, the Pelt Forum, where it used to box. | ||
| And this is so funny about her. | ||
| The band wants me to go out and fake playing a guitar. | ||
| And she was singing this song, something about something fire, wheels of fire, some song. | ||
| And I get out there and I'm playing. | ||
| I'm not really playing. | ||
| The guy's behind the scrim, the real guitar player, is playing his ass off. | ||
| And I'm faking like I'm playing. | ||
| I'm singing with her on the song. | ||
| We get down on her knees and we're like looking at each other and singing and screaming. | ||
| And then I get off and she never said a word about it. | ||
| She never said, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| That was great. | ||
| I mean, I worked with her for all those years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, you'd think she would notice when I was on stage. | |
| What was the song? | ||
| What were you singing? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| It was a good rock song. | ||
| It would be something like Gimme Shelter or something like Anup. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But now, how many different gigs did you do Whitney Houston? | |
| Just a weekend. | ||
| It was a long weekend, and I think I opened for her three nights, and then it was like a long Memorial Day, July 4th, something like that. | ||
| And then I did my own headline. | ||
| It was the first time my headline was on the fourth night, and I did a whole bit about her, like making fun of her and singing and stuff. | ||
| And the crew was crying laughing. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And her father was such a good guy, and I felt like he said to me, you know, I really like you. | ||
| I said, oh, thanks. | ||
| He goes, I love you. | ||
| I'll work with my daughter again. | ||
| I said, thank you. | ||
| I'm thinking, no fucking way. | ||
| I'd rather be at Jimmy's Clam Bar in Bayonne before they shuck the clams. | ||
| Have them shuck it in the background, clack, clack, clack, clack. | ||
| But anyway, it was that bad, huh? | ||
| Yeah, you know, like I remember saying on stage, because, you know, she's always doing the prayer and Jesus does, you know, I don't know a lot about religious history, but I don't think Jesus had 300-pound bouncers pushing old people away, you know? | ||
| Did she push old people away? | ||
| Well, you know, I'm exaggerating. | ||
| The diva kind of shit, though. | ||
| Yeah, the divas thing. | ||
| That I couldn't stand for. | ||
| That diva shit is weird, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember that I read this article about Gene Simmons was dating Diana Ross. | ||
| Wow, that's weird. | ||
| Yeah, it was real weird. | ||
| It was way, way back in the day. | ||
| And he just couldn't take the diva shit, apparently. | ||
| Just couldn't take her being mean to those people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, that was the argument that they had got. | ||
| But, you know, obviously this is, like, completely third-hand. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Remember in the millennium when Barbra Streisand did the MGM Grand? | ||
| I don't know if you remember that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, the funniest part, you know how we were all so connected? | ||
| A friend of mine's brother was a waiter at the MGM and he would bring her room service and he wasn't allowed to look at her. | ||
| What? | ||
| So he had to back into the room with the cart and just walk away and not look at her. | ||
| Is that hilarious? | ||
| This is Barbra Streisand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I have a friend who was told the exact same thing. | ||
| He was a stagehand, and he was told, do not look at her. | ||
| Do not talk to her. | ||
| And he violated it. | ||
| He, you know, it said something to her, like, Ms. Streisand, your cue is going to be done. | ||
| And she goes, why is he talking to me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| She pointed to him, she looked away and pointed to him. | ||
| And they act so sweet when they're talking about their charities and all this bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sigh. | |
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| The diva thing is a very weird thing. | ||
| That getting above everyone where you wanted to be treated like royalty. | ||
| There is a ballet dancer named Rudolf Nureyev. | ||
| You ever hear of him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so I used to park cars at the River Cafe in Brooklyn. | ||
| Did you fuck him? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| Seemed like one of those guys. | ||
| I got the second base. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got the crack. | |
| Just the crack. | ||
| Second base to a guy was different than a girl, right? | ||
| A lot of guys get second base on each other. | ||
| It's really no big deal. | ||
| Grab a tit. | ||
| I was hoping you'd go with it because I didn't know what I meant. | ||
| But he used to come in, and he was one of those guys with the cape and everything. | ||
| And he fucking hated me, because I called him Rudy. | ||
| He hated you? | ||
| Yeah, I'd go, hey Rudy, how's it hanging? | ||
| Because I would always ask him questions about jumping. | ||
| I said, could you dunk? | ||
| I said, you could probably touch the rim with your foot. | ||
| And he never thought I was funny at all. | ||
| I was such a wise ass. | ||
| He was super serious? | ||
| Oh yeah, super, like, talk about the male diva. | ||
| The ballet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's my life. | |
| I dance, I prance, I spin, I soar through the air and I'm free! | ||
| I am free! | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm all for people taking themselves seriously in small doses when you're doing important stuff like brain surgery. | ||
| Yeah, you want that to be serious. | ||
| Listen, buddy, you're wearing tights. | ||
| You're wearing tights. | ||
| You're jumping. | ||
| I remember John at the cat's line, one thing you don't want to hear your surgeon say is, has anybody seen my lucky scalpel? | ||
| You know, we did a Dr. Katz in Austin, Texas. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| How's he doing? | ||
| He's alright. | ||
| I saw him in a hotel completely randomly, and he was in a wheelchair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He got up and did stand-up, though. | ||
| He stood up for that. | ||
| What is wrong with him? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| MS. Ugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Jonathan Katz was the open mic host the first time I ever went on stage. | ||
| At Knicks? | ||
| No, Stitches. | ||
| Oh, no kidding. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, he was the host. | ||
| Very first time I ever went on stage. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know that was your first time. | ||
| Such a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That place used to creep me out because when you walked to the back, the wall was so thin. | ||
| I was always afraid it was just going to close up on me. | ||
| So you started with Paul Barkley and those guys. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Paul was doing stand-up. | ||
| They were The Connection. | ||
| They were The Connection. | ||
| Paul Barkley owned The Comedy Connection with Billy Downs. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I was doing Nick's Comedy Stop, and I was doing that, I was doing The Connection, and I was doing Stitches. | ||
| But I started out, my first set ever was at Stitches. | ||
| That was on, I think it was on Comm Ave at the time. | ||
| There was two locations for Stitchers. | ||
| There was one that was right next door to the Paradise, which was a rock club. | ||
| I saw Jerry Seinfeld perform there once. | ||
| And then they moved to another location where it was just autonomous. | ||
| It was just by itself and they connected to it. | ||
| That was the first time I ever saw somebody get hit in the face with a bottle. | ||
| Oh my god, who was that? | ||
| Well, actually the only time I ever saw anybody get hit in the face with a bottle. | ||
| I wasn't involved. | ||
| I just happened to be there, and these two guys were arguing at a bar. | ||
| I mean, it didn't seem like they were arguing that much. | ||
| I mean, it didn't get like crazy or heated, and this guy just smashed this guy in the face with a Heineken bottle, and fucking blood was everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| It was crazy. | ||
| I just couldn't believe someone could just smash somebody in the face with a bottle so easily. | ||
| I'll never forget that, because it just made me realize, like, There's certain people out there that are already at nine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you might be at zero, you walk into a bar, you're like, hey, how's everybody doing? | ||
| What's up? | ||
| How are you? | ||
| Yeah, I'll have a, you know, martini, extra 30, that's how you like it. | ||
| And then, for whatever reason, your elbow touches some guy, he spills his drink a little bit, whatever the fuck it was, I don't know what happened. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| I mean, I was a good distance away in a crowded bar, but I just happened to look over as these guys were exchanging words, and I saw that guy bottle that guy in the face, and I was like, what? | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Well, look, the whole Bora mentality, the guys that will get in a fight because somebody bumps into them, you're going to get bumped into if you're in a crowd. | ||
| Yeah, well, if someone bumps in, you know, they say sorry, and that's the end of it, no matter what happens. | ||
| Even if you get fucking wet. | ||
| It's like, 99.9% of the time, nobody's meaning to do that. | ||
| But the ability to bottle somebody in the face like that, I mean, that guy was scarred for life. | ||
| There's no question about it. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| For nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I was never in a fight in a bar. | ||
| The only fights I've ever been in, they were all about sports. | ||
| They were all playing sports. | ||
| Oh, during a game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| They used to have this thing in Boston, this comics baseball game, like a softball game. | ||
| Every Monday, I think it was. | ||
| And we'd all get together, and the fucking heated screaming matches I would watch these comics get into. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He was fucking out! | ||
| I was like, goddammit, you're playing softball. | ||
| This is a comedian softball game. | ||
| I remember Brian Frazier and this other guy, Matt, were just in each other's face, fucking screaming and spitting at each other. | ||
| It was just madness. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| If one guy did something, they touched the other guy, they probably would have beaten each other's brains out. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| They probably would have fought to the death. | ||
| Over a fucking softball. | ||
| Over whether or not a guy's foot had touched the bag before or after the other guy had caught the ball. | ||
| What was the big dispute? | ||
| Joe, it could be Scrabble. | ||
| If your guys are feisty, they're feisty. | ||
| Well, that's what's dumb about it. | ||
| It's like, there's nothing on the line here. | ||
| There's nothing on the line. | ||
| This is not professional. | ||
| It's not even amateur. | ||
| It's not organized. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit if anybody wins or loses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's nothing that's worth it. | ||
| My little cousin, who, thank God, he went to rehab. | ||
| We're walking down the street. | ||
| I was doing helium in Philly. | ||
| Do you ever do that club? | ||
| Love that club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I walk it down and these three kids are waiting for this homeless guy. | ||
| He's in a sleeping bag to fall asleep because some people had laid money on him. | ||
| So my cousin all of a sudden is going to be the hero, right? | ||
| And the guy said to me, he goes, listen, man, get your boy out of here or I'll fucking murder him. | ||
| I'm sure he was holding a piece or something. | ||
| Over what? | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| They were waiting for the guy to fall asleep to take his money. | ||
| They were batting on it? | ||
| No, just waiting for him. | ||
| They were going to take the money that people had put on his chest. | ||
| He was a homeless guy. | ||
| And there were three just bad fucking dudes. | ||
| Three o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I said to my cousin, there's nothing you can win from this. | ||
| You want to protect him? | ||
| Call the cops. | ||
| Don't get yourself involved. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Stupid thing. | ||
| Getting me killed. | ||
| For nothing. | ||
| You can run into the wrong people. | ||
| I mean, that is the world of nightlife, of cities. | ||
| Yeah, and the people that are most dangerous are the ones that got nothing to lose. | ||
| Yeah, or they don't even realize they have something to lose. | ||
| They're not even thinking. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of people that are just not planning ahead, or they think life is some fucking movie. | ||
| They're going to pistol whip somebody, and that's going to be the end of it. | ||
| How many times you see in a movie a guy crack somebody over the back of a head with a piece, and the guy goes down and wakes up an hour later, oh, Oh, what happened? | ||
| And then he gets in a bunch of fights. | ||
| Well, me, movies, fighting is such bullshit, as you know. | ||
| First of all, hardly anybody gets knocked out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody gets knocked out in Westerns. | ||
| One punch. | ||
| A girl knocks them out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And fights are so slow. | ||
| Real fights in real life are a couple of quick punches and people grab people. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Most fights are just a sucker punch. | ||
| I've seen some fights last a while, but not usually. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And a lot of times people are basically down deep their pussies, so they want to have a fight that's broken up immediately. | ||
| Yeah, what's always shocking to me is when I watch people fight and they don't know how to fight. | ||
| Like, you got in a fight and you don't even know what you're doing? | ||
| Like, I'm terrified to get into a fight, and I've been doing it my whole life. | ||
| Yeah, because you're smart enough to know how bad it is. | ||
| But I just can't imagine someone would just not have any skill at all. | ||
| Like, have no idea what to do, and somehow or another, you find yourself, fuck you, bitch, and you're throwing... | ||
| Crazy punches, you're out of gas almost immediately. | ||
| What have you risked your life on? | ||
| You've taken this crazy chance. | ||
| It's like you don't know what you're doing. | ||
| It's like getting on stage and playing guitar when you don't know how to play guitar. | ||
| You don't know what you're doing. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're fucking crazy. | ||
| Like that time when you get on stage, what if they had given you a real guitar and you had to play and sing with Cher? | ||
| I couldn't do anything. | ||
| I'd be playing chords from Norwegian Wood. | ||
| Do you play any musical instruments now? | ||
| No, I play a little bit of guitar, but I'm left-handed, unless I have one in the house. | ||
| But I'm not any good. | ||
| Oh, you have to have a different kind of guitar for the left hand. | ||
| Well, it's completely opposite. | ||
| It's stringed differently. | ||
| So do you have it strung upside down? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There are some I think they make like that. | ||
| McCartney is left-handed. | ||
| I used to watch him play bass. | ||
| When you see those guys that would have like two and three necks in their guitar, is that like a fad? | ||
| Is that out? | ||
| I don't know what that, to me it's like so cool. | ||
| Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page used to have that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't even know what it does. | ||
| I guess they, you know what, probably they have different chords, the frets are different, so they have like different chords already set up so they can go back and forth. | ||
| I'm imagining that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, I'm imagining, too. | ||
| I've been on a Hendrix kick the last few weeks. | ||
| Fucking great, ain't he? | ||
| I mean, I've always been a huge fan. | ||
| I mean, that's why I named the show The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That's the reason why. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, look, right behind me. | ||
| Hendrix. | ||
| I'm a huge Hendrix fan. | ||
| What was he arrested for? | ||
| Heroin. | ||
| Toronto. | ||
| Hollow. | ||
| He was trying to take it into the country? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Somebody should tell him. | ||
| He was left-handed as well. | ||
| Someone should tell him. | ||
| There's heroin in Toronto. | ||
| Who else was left-handed? | ||
| Kurt Cobain. | ||
| Kurt Cobain was left-handed? | ||
| You know, there's a high instance of left-handed genius. | ||
| A lot of left-hands... | ||
| Look at you, you left-handed genius. | ||
| Left-handed people, oftentimes... | ||
| You know, one thing that left-handed people apparently excel at is fighting. | ||
| There was a study done on left-handed people. | ||
| They were trying to correlate left-handed people with violence. | ||
| They were trying to say that left-handed people perhaps are more violent or better at violence. | ||
| They couldn't make that correlation. | ||
| This is from a Radiolab podcast. | ||
| But what they did figure out is that left-handed people are better at fighting. | ||
| Because and one of the reasons is they're doing everything the opposite way so it confuses everybody my father was a boxer and he taught me to start right-handed If you know if I was ever sparring it like summer camp mm-hmm, and then switch left-handed instead of confused the fuck out Yeah, left hand is weird, because the jab's coming from the wrong side. | ||
| You're expecting a jab from over here, and it's coming from over here. | ||
| And then the left hand is the big weapon, instead of the right hand. | ||
| It fucks you up, unless you're used to it. | ||
| But you gotta get used to it. | ||
| Like, some guys, they would always have their toughest fights against southpaws. | ||
| Like, they would do great against orthodox fighters, but they could never get their rhythm against southpaws. | ||
| Did you watch the fight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm one of the few people that liked it. | ||
| See, I didn't like it. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I enjoyed every minute of it. | ||
| I thought it was a fascinating fight. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because you know so much more about martial arts and boxing and stuff. | ||
| To me, I wanted to see a fight, not a boxing match. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, I wanted to see anger. | ||
| There was no anger. | ||
| Nothing... | ||
| Did you see Canelo Alvarez, James Kirkland, the next week? | ||
| The one in the knockout? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw the knockout. | ||
| Whoa, I was fucking... | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| You see that look on his face when he was out on his feet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Going down? | ||
| Canelo Alvarez is a fucking beast. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| But his style is the style that... | ||
| That's the Mexican kid, right? | ||
| Yeah, the red-headed. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The red-headed, handsome fella. | ||
| His style is the kind of style that everybody really wants to see today. | ||
| Like Gennady Golovkin, like this seek and destroy, destructure something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Floyd Mayweather is not that guy. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather is a wizard. | ||
| I mean, he really is a magician in there. | ||
| Well, he's smart. | ||
| He's not getting hit, and he's defensive, and he's counter-punching, but because of the stuff that you're involved in, I got more used to action. | ||
| I mean, I know they get locked up sometime on the floor for too long, but it's still pretty funny when even they're locked up and the guy's just pounding the other guy's temple. | ||
| Well, there's more variables in MMA, and that's what makes it more exciting. | ||
| Because you never know what the fuck's gonna happen. | ||
| You never know if a guy's gonna kick you or take you down or try to submit you or punch you. | ||
| There's just so many different things going on and there's so many different things you have to think about and prepare for and so many different angles that a person could take when things aren't going their way, you know? | ||
| And that just doesn't exist in boxing. | ||
| When you're a guy like Manny Pacquiao and you're fighting a guy like Floyd and Floyd's got you figured out after the first round, Good luck. | ||
| You know, your only luck, the best case scenario is you land a really good left hand, and then you follow up with a combination. | ||
| And he tried to do that a few times, but Floyd just went into that defensive shell and just shook his head at him. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Didn't do it. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You didn't hurt me. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He's just the best ever. | ||
| You know, a lot of people give me shit about saying that. | ||
| Like, I had an argument with Max Kellerman about it, and he was like, Sugar Ray Robinson's the best ever. | ||
| How could he be the best ever? | ||
| Sugar Ray Robinson lost to Jake LaMotta. | ||
| You tell me that Floyd Mayweather would lose to Jake LaMotta? | ||
| I'm telling you, you're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather would box circles around Jake LaMotta. | ||
| If they were the same size, Jake LaMotta, as great and tough as he was, would never fucking come close. | ||
| You look at what Floyd Mayweather has been able to do to murderous punchers, like Canelo Alvarez. | ||
| You know, these guys that just smash everybody else. | ||
| They can't even touch him. | ||
| You barely can get close to him. | ||
| He's a wizard. | ||
| He is a wizard. | ||
| I take my hat off to him. | ||
| You know, Angela Dundee? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He used to come and see me in West Palm all the time, and he knew that I had some history of boxing in my family, and he brought me this great picture of all the Philly fighters. | ||
| And I was out there at the dinner with him one night, and I started picking his brain a little. | ||
| I said, who's the baddest motherfucker of all of them? | ||
| He said, who do you think of all the guys that you saw or could beat anybody? | ||
| He goes, Sonny Liston, hands down. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He said everybody was afraid of him. | ||
| He said he had a lot of problems. | ||
| I don't know what mob ties he had, but apparently heroin. | ||
| That second Ali fight was definitely thrown. | ||
| Yeah, you know you could say it's such a joke the way he's faking well He got punched like they call it a phantom punch is not a phantom punch He definitely got punched But he was waiting for the first punch to land so that he could just lay down like you pull that up Jimmy we go watch this it's a Muhammad Ali versus Sonny Liston 2 in Lewiston, Maine. | ||
| You know I thought it was gonna be Foreman Because of his size and his strength, but he you know he said Liston was the toughest Yeah, well, you know what? | ||
| Foreman, before Ali beat him, was a different animal. | ||
| Post-Ali, he was never the same guy, because that air of invincibility was gone. | ||
| And then he had that crazy fight, I believe it was with Ron Lyle. | ||
| They just fucking blasted each other in the head and knocked each other down like four or five times. | ||
| Do you remember the punch that he hit George Foreman with in Jamaica? | ||
| Picked him up! | ||
| Not George Foreman, Joe Frazier. | ||
| Joe Frazier, yeah. | ||
| He picked him up on a stomach punch. | ||
| I don't remember what he hit him with, but I remember his legs literally came up off the ground. | ||
| I never saw that before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| He was such a fucking murderous puncher. | ||
| I was at the Spinks Tyson fight. | ||
| Michael Spinks. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about this a couple times on podcasts. | ||
| It was scary. | ||
| We used to up-jump the devil. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's really... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think we talked about it at the lab factory. | ||
| I think we talked about it more than once because you were there for one of the most stunning moments in boxing history. | ||
| Yeah, it was cool. | ||
| A lot of people thought Michael Sphinx was going to give him a hard time because Sphinx had gone 12 rounds with Larry Holmes and beat Larry Holmes by decision and he was the light heavyweight champion. | ||
| He was a good boxer. | ||
| He just had no business. | ||
| He was so small, too. | ||
| He was barely 199, you know, and he's fighting Mike Tyson. | ||
| Tyson wasn't much bigger, you know, in comparison to today's fighters. | ||
| He was probably like 220. He was built better, though. | ||
| He was compact. | ||
| 1965, Lewiston, Maine. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Ali still looking slick, man. | ||
| Still, to this day, no heavyweight that moves like him, man. | ||
| No. | ||
| Look how fucking good he moved. | ||
| So light on his feet for a guy who's 220 pounds or whatever the hell he was. | ||
| Side to side, all that head movement. | ||
| I mean, you can't, look at that. | ||
| You can't even touch him. | ||
| Liston would lunge forward with that jab. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Now here he gets him with the punch, like right as he tries to, Liston tries to crowd him. | ||
| And it happens with Ollie's face to the camera, so Liston's back to the camera. | ||
| And he just comes with an overhand right. | ||
| And as soon as he catches Liston on the jaw, Liston goes down like he got shot. | ||
| I think it's right here. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| Whenever it is, it's when Liston's backs to you. | ||
| But look how beautiful Ali moves, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| I mean, he really did float. | ||
| And this is the real Ali. | ||
| This is the Ali of 1965. Before the army and all that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| The army fucked him. | ||
| That whole thing fucked him. | ||
| Because for three years, from 1967 to 1970, he was completely out of commission. | ||
| At his total prime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, watch. | ||
| We'll show the difference here. | ||
| Like, when he finally catches, like, Liston, even though Liston's moving towards him, he doesn't even look like he's trying to hit him. | ||
| I wonder if they gave him a time where he had to get knocked out, too. | ||
| I mean, it must be probably the first round. | ||
| Probably because of all the gambling on it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, that was everything. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| I mean, that. | ||
| There's no fucking way. | ||
| There's just no fucking way. | ||
| What a bunch of bullshit. | ||
| And look, the way he's going down. | ||
| The way he gets up. | ||
| Oh, look, he faked. | ||
| You can see him thinking, I should probably fall down here. | ||
| And he gets up, finally. | ||
| And Jersey Joe Walcott is a referee, too, I believe. | ||
| Yeah, that's Joe Walcott. | ||
| And something happened there, and now Ali's just tuning him up. | ||
| No, they stopped the fight. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| So I guess he had reached a 10 count. | ||
| I forgot that he got up after that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's the knockout in slow motion. | ||
| What? | ||
| I mean, he does hit him. | ||
| Everybody calls it the phantom punch, but watch this punch. | ||
| He definitely does hit him. | ||
| As Liston moves forward, he does boom. | ||
| See? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Clean hit. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| He definitely tagged him, but it wasn't the kind of punch that would put a guy like Liston out. | ||
| It would probably stun him, but I didn't believe that that was a real one-punch knockout. | ||
| Now, watch that. | ||
| And now watch. | ||
| He came back against the white dude, Jerry Quarry. | ||
| That was his comeback fight, Muhammad Ali versus Jerry Quarry. | ||
| And when he fought Jerry Quarry, this was after he had taken all that time off, and his body just looked different, man. | ||
| He just, like, Jerry Quarry was, like, a really tough guy who, by the way, before he died, couldn't even figure out how to walk. | ||
| Like, he couldn't figure out where he was, didn't know where his underwear was. | ||
| Yeah, he was gone. | ||
| He didn't know, couldn't, if he walked out his front door, he'd never make it back inside. | ||
| He was just gone. | ||
| You know, Ali's talking to him here. | ||
| But if you look at Ali's body, like, as Ali goes back, the thing about Ali was that if he wasn't training for a fight, he wasn't working out. | ||
| So he didn't spend those three years lifting weights and running hills and fucking hitting the heavy bag. | ||
| He wasn't doing anything. | ||
| I mean, he's probably just fighting to keep from getting locked up in jail. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But if you look at his body, like, look at it. | ||
| He's all smooth and there's no muscles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, look at him. | ||
| He looks like shit. | ||
| I mean, he doesn't look anything like he used to look. | ||
| I mean, he's bouncing around a little bit in the beginning, but he's just not the same guy. | ||
| He still had some pretty big fights at the end. | ||
| Yeah, he did, but he was never the same guy. | ||
| I'll never forget Larry Holmes trying to get the refs to stop the fight because he didn't want to beat him up anymore. | ||
| That was awful. | ||
| It was his idol. | ||
| That was awful because that was after Ali had no money left and he was really suffering from Parkinson's already. | ||
| Was he really? | ||
| Yeah, he was already kicked in. | ||
| He was already in really bad shape. | ||
| Well, you know, as a friend of mine, we used to work as doormen together at Doc Watson's in Philly. | ||
| It was Randall Cobb. | ||
| Tex Cobb! | ||
| And we saw him take a beating from Holmes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were just going, go down, Randall, go down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was fucking horrible. | ||
| That was the fight that made Howard Cosell retire from boxing. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| No more. | ||
| Look at that little monkey run. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| Howard Cosell, who called some of the greatest fights of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if you look at Ali here, he still looks good, but it's just not the same Ali. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Just not the same guy. | ||
| His body doesn't look the same. | ||
| He's smooth. | ||
| Granted, he's had three years off, but he's just... | ||
| I mean, the old Ali, go now to Ali versus Cleveland Big Cat Williams. | ||
| And I've always said, if you want to look at, like, Ali in his prime, when Ali was in his prime is when he was fighting this guy, Cleveland Williams. | ||
| And Cleveland Williams is this big, fucking scary, murderous puncher. | ||
| And Muhammad Ali boxed this guy's fucking face off. | ||
| Who was the one that he, when he was doing, what's my name, what's my name? | ||
| Oh, um, shit. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the guy wouldn't call him Cassius Clay. | ||
| He kept calling him Cassius Clay, yeah. | ||
| What's my name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's my name? | |
| I forget who that was. | ||
| Goddamn, I'd have to look at his record. | ||
| But Cleveland Williams is like, look how muscular Williams is. | ||
| Williams is a fucking animal. | ||
| Murderous puncher. | ||
| And he just could not catch Ali. | ||
| This is Ali in his prime. | ||
| This is Ali, like, in 67. He was sleek. | ||
| Look how fast he is. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| But the movement, the side to side, it was like, there was no fucking heavyweights that ever moved like that. | ||
| No one. | ||
| I mean, he literally moved faster and lighter on his feet than most welterweights. | ||
| And he was fighting at 200 plus pounds. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what he weighed in his prime. | ||
| He was probably about 220 or something like that. | ||
| You ever see that picture of him and the Beatles? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Classic picture. | ||
| Just him and the Beatles in Miami. | ||
| Just a funny thing. | ||
| I'm trying to find out who that guy was that did that. | ||
| What's my name? | ||
| Early career. | ||
| He's got a bit of a process, Cleveland. | ||
| Oh, the hair? | ||
| Yeah, they all used to like that. | ||
| Sugar Ray Robinson had that, too. | ||
| The conk, they would call it. | ||
| Well, you know who also is great? | ||
| Sugar Ray Leonard. | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude. | ||
| Why'd you shut it off, Jamie? | ||
| Keep that shit on, son. | ||
| I'm trying to find this guy's name. | ||
| Jamie, how you doing? | ||
| Jamie's good over there. | ||
| Look at him, sexy bitch. | ||
| You sexy motherfucker. | ||
| Jimmy Ellis. | ||
| Jimmy Ellis? | ||
| That's who it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| Pretty sure it was Jimmy Ellis. | ||
| I thought Jimmy Ellis was a sparring player, too. | ||
| He probably was. | ||
| That's probably what happened. | ||
| Wouldn't knock him out, because he was so mad at him. | ||
| Just beat his ass. | ||
| Almost positive was Ellis. | ||
| I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong. | ||
| But if you watch this fight, this, in my opinion, was like the quintessential Ali. | ||
| And this was, I believe, the last fight before he went away. | ||
| They just had never seen anybody like this guy before. | ||
| What did he do in those three years? | ||
| He wasn't in prison. | ||
| No, I think, well, actually, I think he fought two more times, and then he went, yeah, he fought Ernie Terrell and then Zara Foley. | ||
| He went to, you know, he had to fucking go to court. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| God damn, he was fast. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The legs, pap, pap, pap, pap, pap. | ||
| And then out of there. | ||
| I mean, he was barely getting hit back then, man. | ||
| He was so fucking quick. | ||
| And then you see his later fights, like when he fought Joe Frazier, like Rumble in the Jungle. | ||
| It was so much slower of foot. | ||
| Probably had knee problems by then. | ||
| He took a beating from Frazier. | ||
| They took a beating from each other. | ||
| Oh, those were horrendous fights. | ||
| Those were horrendous fights. | ||
| His daughter told me, and Maymay's a friend of mine, his daughter. | ||
| You remember me? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| She was always at the store. | ||
| She's a comic, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember the first time I brought her up, and I said, you know, about, oh, no, she brought me up, and I said, Maymay Ali, I said, I was thinking in the back, I wonder if I could beat Ali's daughter in a fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Probably not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, definitely not the other one, Layla. | ||
| Layla's beautiful, man. | ||
| Scary, too. | ||
| She'll beat the shit out of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Beautiful, and she'll beat your ass. | ||
| Well, Maymay's an example of how a woman can be pretty and look like her father. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| You know, he's got a son, too, that comes around the comedy store, or used to come around the comedy store back in the day. | ||
| Oh, I don't remember that. | ||
| Yeah, and Maymay introduced me to him one day, and I was like, whoa, this dude looks exactly like Muhammad Ali. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And, you know, at the time he was fairly young, the kid. | ||
| You know, this was like, I want to say 10 years ago, maybe. | ||
| But Cleveland Williams was like this, like, perfect style fighter to show, like, Muhammad Ali in his best. | ||
| Like, he just wasn't there, man. | ||
| He just wasn't there. | ||
| Well, he's not nearly as quick. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| He was so slick. | ||
| And he just redefined what it meant to be a professional boxer. | ||
| He introduced a whole new way of doing it. | ||
| And now, like, there's a lot of MMA fighters that use this style now. | ||
| I mean, it's different because they throw kicks and because takedowns are incorporated into it, but a lot of what they call, they call neo-footwork movements. | ||
| Like, Dominic Cruz is probably the best at it. | ||
| He's the, uh, Former bantamweight champion and T.J. Dillashaw, who's the current bantamweight champion, both guys are great examples of people that use this kind of misdirection and footwork, like constantly left to right, right to left. | ||
| But those guys also incorporate switching stances, like they'll fight southpaw and then orthodox and orthodox southpaw, they go back and forth. | ||
| Look at this, Ali's just right in front of this dude, and he can't do shit to him. | ||
| Go to the knockout where you see, I don't know where it is on this video. | ||
| It can't be much further than this. | ||
| When's your next fight, Joe? | ||
| The next UFC is next weekend. | ||
| It's a big one, too. | ||
| It's Chris Weidman versus Vitor Belfort in Vegas. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Ding, ding! | ||
| Ooh, sun! | ||
| He stands over him with his hands up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, that's real. | |
| You can see the way he's breathing. | ||
| Very different than the way Sonny Liston went down. | ||
| See that again. | ||
| Back it up again. | ||
| I believe he got knocked down twice. | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| Yeah, he got knocked down twice. | ||
| So look, this is... | ||
| Yeah, back it up a little bit. | ||
| You can see the flurry. | ||
| No, it was three times. | ||
| He got knocked down three times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| Yeah, and then eventually put away. | ||
| But he just, you know, kept trying to chase him, chase him, chase him. | ||
| He knocked him down, walking away. | ||
| God damn, that was beautiful. | ||
| The way he did that. | ||
| I've watched this fight, I don't know how many times. | ||
| This is one of my favorite all-time performances of any boxer. | ||
| To me, there's certain Mike Tyson fights that are just the quintessential Mike Tyson fight. | ||
| Like Mike Tyson, the one when he won the title. | ||
| You know, like that was like a quintessential Mike Tyson fight. | ||
| Who'd he be? | ||
| Fuck is his name? | ||
| Fucking shit. | ||
| I don't remember his first fight. | ||
| I just remember him being the most terrorizing boxer I've ever seen. | ||
| I can't believe I can't remember this. | ||
| You know, Joe, when he was at his prime, he used to hit through the defense. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, he was just so goddamn fast for a heavyweight. | ||
| There was nobody like him. | ||
| There had been no heavyweights that were anything... | ||
| Trevor Burbick. | ||
| There was no heavyweights that were even remotely like that guy. | ||
| Trevor Burbick was like a big lumbering guy, too. | ||
| He just couldn't... | ||
| He had nothing... | ||
| For Tyson. | ||
| You know, Tyson at that time was just so fucking destructive. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| But that like, okay, Marvis Frazier, that's like the quintessential Tyson fight. | ||
| When I think of Mike Tyson and his destructive, just on point, motivated, in shape, just a destroyer. | ||
| You've seen the Marvis Frazier fight? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's the quintessential Mike Tyson fight. | ||
| I felt bad for him, actually. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| He shouldn't have been in there. | ||
| He had no business. | ||
| You know, his dad was just this bad motherfucker, and his dad wanted to think that his son was gonna be the guy that beat Mike Tyson. | ||
| But, you know, you gotta realize, man, that these guys, like... | ||
| Everybody that comes after you will have learned from everything you do, and your momentum will take them to another level. | ||
| And that's going to happen with everyone. | ||
| I mean, there's lulls in sports, fighting especially. | ||
| Fighting especially has lulls. | ||
| I think basketball and football, they all have lulls, too. | ||
| Whether you have your superstars, and then there's areas maybe where there's no one that's consummate, or no one is... | ||
| Like the level of a Jordan or a Kobe Bryant or a LeBron James. | ||
| There's only a few guys that ever hit that super, super athlete level. | ||
| They rose above the sport. | ||
| This is the first time in my life I couldn't name five boxers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| I could easily. | ||
| But it's a weird time for boxing, for sure. | ||
| I remember when all those welterweights and when Duran and Carlos Palomino and all those guys were fighting. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| Those were on ABC Wild World of Sports. | ||
| I don't know the heavyweight champ. | ||
| Vladimir Klitschko. | ||
| And Deontay Wilder, I think he has one of the titles. | ||
| But the thing about Vladimir Klitschko is he's just a big Russian guy. | ||
| And, you know, you would think like a white guy that's the heavyweight champion. | ||
| This would be a crazy time. | ||
| Like everybody would be excited to see him. | ||
| He's the most boring of all heavyweight champions possibly ever. | ||
| He's just very smart. | ||
| I mean, not boring to me. | ||
| Because I think he's got a very intelligent style. | ||
| I mean, if you're six foot six, the way he fights is the perfect way to fight. | ||
| He jabs you, jabs you, drops a right hand and clinches. | ||
| Jab, jab, clinch. | ||
| Jab, jab, right hand, clinch. | ||
| Well, that clinching with Mayweather the other night, I was actually looking at the time on the Moran left. | ||
| I was so bored. | ||
| I was like, oh, minute 54, I don't feel like watching this shit. | ||
| I was watching it with my wife and she was yelling out like, God, this is so boring. | ||
| She actually said this. | ||
| She goes, you should have to get knocked down in order to win. | ||
| I go, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. | ||
| She goes, well, then it'll be exciting. | ||
| Like, to someone who doesn't watch boxing, I could see that that would be really boring. | ||
| Alyssa Carey said something to me that I thought was interesting. | ||
| She said, why don't they penalize a guy for holding too much, for clinching? | ||
| Defending yourself. | ||
| You're smart. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, if they took points off for that, then there wouldn't be as much clinching. | ||
| Well, they took points off of Klitschko in his last fight, and it actually got kind of interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because Klitschko is, you know, he's famous for that. | ||
| He's famous for holding on to guys, and he's a big fucking dude. | ||
| He's huge. | ||
| You know, he's six foot six. | ||
| So he'll pop you and then grab ahold of you and wrestle you and put a lot of weight on your neck. | ||
| You know, like they lean on you and make you carry their weight. | ||
| Like that's a famous way that guys will kind of try to sap strength out of you It's essentially like they're trying to grapple with you and they took a point away from him The referee was just a real stern referee and then it forced him into some dangerous situations where Klitschko was you know He was really Getting threatened like for the first time like we've seen any of his fights for a long time But there's no one out there. | ||
| That's like a Tyson. | ||
| You know, there's no I Like if you had a LeBron James, like LeBron James became a boxer when he was young instead of became a basketball player and was just as dedicated to boxing as he is to being a basketball player, there's still some crucial elements. | ||
| You can be a great athlete in other sports, but you wouldn't be a great fighter. | ||
| I mean, you might be able to be a great baseball player or be a great basketball player, but when it gets down to fighting, There's some intangibles involved in fighting that don't exist in any other sport. | ||
| You've got to be willing to go out there and risk your health, and no one is there to help you. | ||
| There's no one there to help you. | ||
| You can't pass the ball. | ||
| There's no timeouts. | ||
| You will go into the fire. | ||
| And you have to be able to you got to be able to hold yourself together under Just a barrage of fucking punches and the most dangerous guy in the world Who's your opponent who's trained for eight weeks for this moment just to kick your ass I mean he's been not drinking not partying sleeping all the time just so he can have more energy to fuck you up. | ||
| Yeah Well, now the best athletes don't go into boxing. | ||
| No. | ||
| Or baseball. | ||
| They go into football and basketball, I think. | ||
| Well, even MMA. You know, we have a hard time finding the best athletes in MMA. There's a few of them now that are just starting to leak into MMA, like guys who are like Olympic caliber wrestlers, who are tremendous athletes. | ||
| I thought that guy Silva was really good. | ||
| Anderson? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, Anderson is a very good fighter. | ||
| I mean, he's the greatest of all time. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| And he's a very good athlete. | ||
| But, you know, like a Jordan. | ||
| You know, Anderson Silver was not Michael Jordan. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I mean, he was a fantastic fighter. | ||
| Is he still fighting? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, yes, but he's suspended for quite a while because he tested positive for steroids after he broke his leg. | ||
| He broke his leg, then fought again, and won, but tested positive for steroids. | ||
| But the difference, I think, is... | ||
| I mean, there's no doubt that Anderson is a spectacular athlete and the best MMA fighter of all time. | ||
| But I just think the level of competition that's involved in MMA, or at least was, in his division, now that division is fucking stacked with killers. | ||
| But when he was in his prime, there was a long time where, like, the title challengers were like Patrick Cote or Thales Latis or these guys that, like, really weren't at his level. | ||
| But now there's like seven or eight guys in the UFC's middleweight division that are just murderers. | ||
| So it's one of those things where a guy like Anderson, who is the cream of the crop, the best of the best, pretty much the best ever, and because he's at such a high level, all those guys that are training, that see him and aspire to be him or aspire to beat him, | ||
| those guys all come up in the gym, and by the time Anderson's done, When the new guy comes along, Chris Weidman, there's like this overwhelming momentum of competition behind him because all these guys have been under the shadow of the greatest ever. | ||
| So it comes in waves. | ||
| I saw him do... | ||
| He was losing the whole fight. | ||
| Right at the end, he got a guy with his legs around his head. | ||
| Yeah, Chell Sonnen. | ||
| Chell didn't have to tap there either. | ||
| You remember that fight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if Chael was exhausted or if... | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| Chael could have got out of that because that wasn't a fully locked-in triangle. | ||
| People have gotten out of way tighter triangles. | ||
| But there's a bunch of factors, though. | ||
| One is Chael kind of was susceptible to submissions, and it was a psychological thing where sometimes he would be winning a fight and he just couldn't take the pressure or something. | ||
| He would just get submitted. | ||
| But that fight in particular was weird because he was that close to winning the fucking middleweight title. | ||
| Oh, man, was he close. | ||
| He was so close. | ||
| I mean, he was running away from it. | ||
| Got him in the last minute, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, the fifth round. | ||
| And to get caught in a triangle like that, like, he didn't have to get caught in that triangle. | ||
| He could have played it smart and just held that guy down, kept his posture, and, you know, he got caught, and, you know, he tapped pretty much immediately, and then he tried to, like, not say he tapped. | ||
| It was, like, a lot of weird shit that happened there. | ||
| Your career is amazing when you think about... | ||
| I told you, my friend McGettigan, the guy who prosecuted Sandusky, he said, I think Rogan's the best announcer in any sport right now on TV. It does very nicely. | ||
| And I remember when I was complimenting you on stage at Laugh Factory, and you said, I'm very uncomfortable with this. | ||
| But I would love for the people to see you doing stand-up, because you're so good at being serious. | ||
| If they ever saw your act, it would be explosive to them. | ||
| Well, you know, I think people like to define people in one way. | ||
| Like, you're either silly or you're serious or, you know, you're either sexy or you're goofy. | ||
| You know, everybody wants to be defined in one way or another. | ||
| It's easier to define people, but we all have, like, various aspects to our personalities. | ||
| We all have weird subtleties. | ||
| Yeah, but we're all not at the same, like, at a high level of both. | ||
| Yeah, but it's just time, you know? | ||
| I put a lot of time into doing stand-up. | ||
| It's also talent, Joe. | ||
| Don't turn away from it. | ||
| We've seen a lot of people put time in and they've gotten worse. | ||
| Yeah, but don't you think they're doing it wrong? | ||
| People put time in, but what are they doing with that time? | ||
| How much are they looking at themselves? | ||
| How objective are they? | ||
| I just don't think they have certain gifts, you know? | ||
| Like, one of the things I study is us stand-up comedians. | ||
| And there are some people, you can see them walk on stage, they're putting their bottle of water down, and you know they're going to be good. | ||
| They got an aura about them. | ||
| There are some people that are so just needy and not natural. | ||
| And, you know, the not natural thing is tough, because I don't know what you do about that. | ||
| No matter how hard you work, just not a natural wit. | ||
| I was watching somebody last night, and I don't want to name them. | ||
| Name them! | ||
| Don't name him. | ||
| No, I don't want to name him because I wouldn't want to hurt him. | ||
| Chris Aaliyah? | ||
| No, Chris Aaliyah's a natural. | ||
| Brian Cowan? | ||
| Should I name all my friends? | ||
| Brian Cowan should be out of the business. | ||
| He's a sham. | ||
| He's a muck. | ||
| That motherfucker. | ||
| You know what he is? | ||
| He's a poor man Jew. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| There's no funnier guy for a five-day hunting trip. | ||
| I love Brian Kelly. | ||
| I love Brian Kelly, too. | ||
| I go on hunting trips with him, and it's five days of gay jokes. | ||
| Five relentless, non-stop hilarity. | ||
| He just fucking never stops. | ||
| Well, he's got that sophisticated side of the MTC. He's so goofy on stage. | ||
| He's doing Christopher Walken as a pigeon. | ||
| This is a really fun Chateaubriand. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's got all these wines he knows. | ||
| He knows a lot about wine. | ||
| He knows where the grapes come from, what part of the country. | ||
| He studies that shit. | ||
| He's a weirdo when it comes to that. | ||
| I was going to do his podcast last week. | ||
| I never heard from him. | ||
| He just disappeared? | ||
| That's so him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Oh, that's so him. | ||
| Dub David also is saying, you know, he's my friend because I love him, but he's always late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's always, you know, but he is a character. | ||
| Oh, he's, but you can't be a guy like Brian Callen unless you're late, unless you're flaky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's one of the beautiful things of him. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I like hunting with him, too. | ||
| He can't go anywhere. | ||
| I'm stuck with him for five days. | ||
| We're hanging out on an island in Alaska. | ||
| Oh, I could never do that. | ||
| We have so much. | ||
| We have so much fun. | ||
| I just watched an episode last night of us from the Prince of Wales Island that I hadn't really watched the whole episode before. | ||
| What's it on? | ||
| I'd love to see it. | ||
| It's on the Sportsman's channel, which is like an all-hunting channel. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Meat Eater, and it's me and Callan. | ||
| Yeah, I'll send you a link to it. | ||
| I'll send you a link so you can watch it online. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| I mean, you don't get a sense of how really funny he is on the show, because they show a little of us goofing off, but most of it's so inappropriate. | ||
| You know, he'd be like, we're getting ready, we're going to kill some deer. | ||
| Tom, you got a piece on you. | ||
| All of a sudden, he'll start talking about your cock for five minutes. | ||
| It's one of those things where it's funny, and then you're like, how long can you keep doing this? | ||
| Then it gets funnier, and then you're like, well, surely this is going to end soon. | ||
| Nope, it gets funnier and funnier, and then you see him an hour later. | ||
| You keeping it warm for me? | ||
| He's so ridiculous. | ||
| Now, who goes out there with you besides you two? | ||
| Well, there's Steve Rinella, who's the host of the show. | ||
| And then usually he brings either Ryan Callahan, who is another very experienced hunter and a guy who runs this clothing company called First Light Clothing Company. | ||
| It's like an all-hunting clothing company. | ||
| It's all merino wool stuff. | ||
| It's kind of funny that, like, all these different, you know, synthetics, all these different things they've created for clothes and for, you know, for textiles. | ||
| Wool. | ||
| Merino wool is still, like, the best shit at keeping you warm. | ||
| Just lamb's wool. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| So that guy, Ryan Callahan, will come with us. | ||
| Giannis Boutelis, who's one of the other guides that Rinella uses. | ||
| And, you know, we find a place to go. | ||
| Like, we went turkey hunting a couple weeks ago. | ||
| That was up in Napa. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I think you told me about that. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| Because we would go turkey hunting through the day, and then we'd go to like the best restaurants in the world at night. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| See, I would go there. | ||
| I would do that. | ||
| I wouldn't do the island thing. | ||
| Well, turkey hunting's easy, too. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Well, maybe not easy for you. | ||
| Are there wild turkeys in nature? | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That must sound like such a stupid question. | ||
| No, it's a good question. | ||
| When the fuck do you ever see a wild turkey in West Hollywood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I never saw one. | |
| Go to your apartment. | ||
| I don't see a wild turkey on the way to your house. | ||
| I see pigeons. | ||
| You stick a rubber turkey in the ground, like a female turkey, and you've got to hide, because turkeys have really good eyesight. | ||
| So you wear camo, and I wore a ghillie suit on my face, and you're completely tucked away behind this mesh camo background. | ||
| Everything is completely designed to camouflage you from these birds. | ||
| Minimal movement. | ||
| You can't move. | ||
| They see you move in the fucking bolt. | ||
| They're out of there. | ||
| And you put the rubber turkey in the ground. | ||
| You got to make these weird hen turkey noises. | ||
| They have all these different kinds of turkey call things that they use to try to generate the sound to call these fuckers in. | ||
| And then the turkey comes in to check out the rubber turkey and you blast him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Do you have to shoot him? | ||
| Shoot him in the head. | ||
| Shoot him in the head with a shotgun. | ||
| So you save his body for food? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, you shoot him in the body, then you're gonna be pecking pellets out of the body. | ||
| But I shot him perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Died instantly. | |
| The good thing about a turkey, there's no danger of you missing and him attacking you. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Even a deer will fuck you up if everything goes wrong. | ||
| What is it, the wild boar that's so dangerous? | ||
| Oh, they're definitely dangerous. | ||
| Wild pigs, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, wild boars have these big crazy tusks. | ||
| You know, Doug Stanhope told me, I didn't even know this, Doug Stanhope told me that his next door neighbor's dog got killed by javelinas. | ||
| Do you know what a javelina is? | ||
| This fucked-up-looking, pig-looking thing. | ||
| It's actually from a family called the Peccary. | ||
| It looks like it's a pig. | ||
| It's, you know, like a distant cousin of a pig, apparently. | ||
| Obviously, I'm not a biologist. | ||
| But there it is. | ||
| There's a javelina. | ||
| Those fucking evil, cunty looking things, they killed his neighbor's dog. | ||
| Like, look at the tusks. | ||
| You see the teeth? | ||
| Look up there. | ||
| Look at their fucking tusks. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| They're like monsters. | ||
| Yeah, they're freaky. | ||
| Remember that joke, Joe? | ||
| Look at those fucking teeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Oof. | ||
| Look at those lower fucking fangs. | ||
| What were you saying, that joke? | ||
| Remember that joke about the Irish kid goes up to his father and he says, can I get five dollars for a guinea pig? | ||
| His father goes, here's ten dollars, get yourself a nice Irish girl. | ||
| People don't know what Guinea means. | ||
| No, as soon as I heard the word pig. | ||
| Guinea's going out of style. | ||
| You don't hear that anymore. | ||
| It's definitely not on the West Coast. | ||
| Not on the West Coast. | ||
| In the East Coast you hear it. | ||
| Yeah, I still hear it. | ||
| Hey, you Guinea bastard, I love you. | ||
| Yeah, but it's okay. | ||
| Like, we call each other guineas, and it's all right. | ||
| Italians are very, they're not thin-skinned about names. | ||
| No, but you grow up being abused constantly. | ||
| Hey, you're a little old. | ||
| I never, you know, I mean, the Irish are not thin-skinned either. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, you know, they, at one point in time, were minorities. | ||
| I mean, it's interesting when you watch, there's a parallel to boxing, because if you look at boxing in the United States, it's always the immigrants that are at the lower end of the social ladder that were really the best at boxing. | ||
| They were fighting their way out. | ||
| It was Jews for a long time. | ||
| There was a lot of Jewish boxers. | ||
| You know, that's one thing that... | ||
| There were a lot of Jewish basketball players, too. | ||
| Yeah, I heard that. | ||
| Brett Auerbach and all, you know, his generation before that. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| Well, Jews still are big basketball fans. | ||
| Like, Sussman's a huge basketball fan. | ||
| There's a lot of Jews in New York, especially, that just love basketball. | ||
| Woody Allen. | ||
| He's had every fucking basketball game with his daughter slash wife. | ||
| You know that Sussman story about Steve Scharippa? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Steve Scharippa, you know, Steve Scharippa, for everybody, he's on The Sopranos, terrific actor, good friend. | ||
| Yeah, he was... | ||
| Bacala or something? | ||
| Richie? | ||
| Is that what his name was on The Sopranos? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Big guy. | ||
| Big guy. | ||
| Really funny. | ||
| And he was working in Vegas. | ||
| This is the time before he was acting. | ||
| And, you know, Steve knew everybody in Vegas, could get everything comped. | ||
| And I remember Sussman said to him, Steve, we're going to go to Lake Mead on Saturday. | ||
| You want to go? | ||
| He goes... | ||
| No, I can't go, but I can comp you a boat. | ||
| Jeff says to me, who the fuck could comp a boat other than Sharipa? | ||
| I forgot about that. | ||
| I remember that, though, now. | ||
| Yeah, Sharipa used to run, before he became a big actor on The Sopranos, he used to run the Riviera. | ||
| He was a talent booker at the Riviera, which was the first place in Vegas I ever worked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was one of the funniest guys. | |
| Was it? | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| He still is hilarious. | ||
| He's a fucking hilarious dude. | ||
| Yeah, he's hilarious. | ||
| I'm gonna get him on the podcast. | ||
| We've been trying to work out a date because he's always writing books and shit. | ||
| He's always got something new coming out, but I love that guy. | ||
| He's always been great, too. | ||
| He's a fucking hilarious guy. | ||
| Well, he has no gray in him. | ||
| He either hates you or loves you. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| He's an animal, too. | ||
| I remember we were in the Riviera showroom, and some guy threw a cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, like, inside the showroom. | ||
| And he fucking screamed at this guy in front of everybody, you fucking moron. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| You're going to light this place on fire, you stupid fuck? | ||
| Like, pick it up! | ||
| Like, this is a guy who's, you know... | ||
| You know, patron. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's telling the guy to pick it up. | ||
| You know, Sharipa's enormous. | ||
| He's a giant dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very big. | |
| And so the guy came over and picked it up and immediately went back to his seat. | ||
| But he was always this character. | ||
| Like, this really funny character. | ||
| And I believe Drew Carey gave him his first break. | ||
| Like, Drew Carey put him in something. | ||
| Like, they were friends, because Sharipa used to book the Riv. | ||
| And then, like, you could see, like, I feel like it was, like, the opening of one of Drew Carey's comedy specials. | ||
| Maybe it was. | ||
| You know, I had a pilot called Dom Time, and it was like a sports talk show, and Steve was my announcer. | ||
| I asked him to be my announcer, and this is before I had any idea he was even interested in it, because he had that voice, everybody, you know. | ||
| Dom Irera, how are ya? | ||
| Yeah, he's just a fucking character, man. | ||
| Just such a character. | ||
| And then, all of a sudden, he's on The Sopranos. | ||
| And I was like, whoa! | ||
| And he's fucking killing it! | ||
| I mean, dramatic acting, really good, but no experience! | ||
| Well, he worked hard. | ||
| He works with my friend Joanne Beckson. | ||
| Remember Joanne? | ||
| She teaches acting. | ||
| I remember reading the sides for The Sopranos with him in Montreal, and he started to act. | ||
| And I remember saying to him, Steve, don't act. | ||
| They want you. | ||
| They want you. | ||
| This is what they want. | ||
| You're already a character. | ||
| You don't need to act like another character. | ||
| Just be yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool when something like that happens. | ||
| I love seeing somebody just take off. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, they're doing great. | ||
| I just love that. | ||
| I love knowing a guy when they're struggling and then seeing them when they're awesome. | ||
| Just, that's one of the most pleasurable things to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's certain guys that kind of everybody's happy for. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Ray Romano, when he... | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And, you know Billy Gardell? | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| And Billy, his manager said, you know, you're so popular, even the bitter guys are happy for you. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I never hear a bad word about Billy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's in a weird situation, man, because that Melissa McCarthy chick that he's on that show with is fucking huge. | ||
| Yeah, but he's still... | ||
| She's in every movie. | ||
| Yeah, she's very hot. | ||
| But he takes it. | ||
| He enjoys it for her. | ||
| I mean, he's cool. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| But I'm saying, It's so weird. | ||
| He's a really good stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a very good actor, too. | ||
| For whatever reason, everybody's paying attention only to her. | ||
| I mean, the whole show was kind of written, right? | ||
| He's like the straight man for her wacky antics, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, she's in a big movie now. | ||
| I feel bad for her in some sort of strange way. | ||
| I feel bad for her because she's so big. | ||
| She jokes around about it and she talks about how she's having a great time and I imagine she is. | ||
| She's a huge star. | ||
| She's got to get a lot of joy out of killing and having people love her and being so funny because she's really fucking funny. | ||
| I mean she makes that show really funny too. | ||
| She's really talented. | ||
| But she's so big. | ||
| She's so big and just so unhealthy. | ||
| And I see all that extra meat on her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just all that gelatinous, sloppy, wiggling. | |
| Are you really? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I don't mind that. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| You do very well. | ||
| A lot of people would be surprised. | ||
| I'm aware it was always done very well. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I do my best, Joe. | ||
| Whatever happened to that Comedy Central show you did on football? | ||
| That was a great fucking show, and I don't even like football. | ||
| You know what it was? | ||
| It was ahead of its time in the sense that Comedy Central wasn't as big then, and frankly, the show's ratings were good. | ||
| It was called Offsides. | ||
| But the NFL is so fucking rich that they charge so much for the clips that it wasn't worth it for Comedy Central. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So that's why it died. | ||
| It didn't die a miserable, unpopular death. | ||
| It was popular when it went down. | ||
| And they still cut a lot of it into NFL films now. | ||
| So I woke up the other morning, I saw my face with a leather helmet on, and the first thing I thought of was, look how thin my face was! | ||
| Like I told you, you got the drop coming up in Atlantic City. | ||
| I'm going down. | ||
| I was in Philly at Thanksgiving. | ||
| I'm going down the shore and I see my picture on a billboard. | ||
| And instead of going, look at that. | ||
| I'm a fucking kid from Philly. | ||
| I'm on a billboard. | ||
| I thought, look how fucking thin my face was. | ||
| Get this fucking head fat. | ||
| You could lose it. | ||
| You just have to make a decision. | ||
| But I'm so hungry, Joe. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But, like, the decision I made, I don't know. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| About eating healthy as... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| For me, it's everything. | ||
| I went... | ||
| Like, I'll go on a streak of, like, three or four days where I don't eat that healthy, and I feel... | ||
| I really do feel dull. | ||
| Like, my mind feels dull. | ||
| The healthiest thing I eat is lean meat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lean meat's very healthy. | ||
| I love bacon. | ||
| I love bacon, too. | ||
| I'm a huge fan of bacon. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I just think that you need moderation. | ||
| Well, it's just... | ||
| I think you and I also, we're both very... | ||
| I think every comic, essentially, that we know... | ||
| We're very indulgent. | ||
| I think that's a characteristic of comedians. | ||
| It's very, very self-indulgent, very indulgent, very impulsive. | ||
| Like, comics tend to do wild, wacky things. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, I'm in this fucking car, and I'm hanging out with these broads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You know, like, that's the story that every comic has. | ||
| Crazy, wild, we're doing coke, drinking. | ||
| Every comic has some crazy, indulgent story. | ||
| You know, like you. | ||
| I'm setting my alarm clock for 6 p.m. | ||
| so I can be at my show at 8. Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, you have the best of both worlds, because you've got a family life and that. | ||
| Well, I'm pretty disciplined. | ||
| But I could get indulgent. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You go on the road, and you have a good excuse to go on the road. | ||
| You're not going, honey, I'm going on the road just to fuck around. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You go for a real job, for real money, but you have the luxury. | ||
| You don't have to get up and do morning radio now. | ||
| That's a big one for me. | ||
| I still have to do morning radio to plug the dates. | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| That's hard because people are like, oh, you poor baby, you gotta do radio. | ||
| The problem is it fucks with your sleep cycle and then that dulls your brain too. | ||
| Yeah, you're getting up at 3 in the morning your time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hangovers dull my brain too. | ||
| If I'm hungover and I try to go on stage, I am just not as good. | ||
| Joe, I've never seen you drunk. | ||
| I don't get that drunk. | ||
| I try not to. | ||
| I mean, I've been a little lit up. | ||
| But I've never been. | ||
| Well, I mean, I certainly have in my day. | ||
| But I just don't make a practice out of it. | ||
| I just, I'm too aware of the consequences physically. | ||
| I do too much stuff with my body. | ||
| You know, it'd be like if I had a really nice car and I was just like, it'd be fun to piss in that gas tank. | ||
| Well, I know what's going to happen in the fucking car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I'd like a, you know, a shot and a beer. | ||
| But that's like kind of where it ends. | ||
| Maybe I'll have a third drink. | ||
| Let's have a cocktail, gentlemen. | ||
| It's a sold-out show, Dom Herrera. | ||
| We're going to have a good time. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons, Ian Edwards. | ||
| Is that the show? | ||
| You and myself. | ||
| That's a great show. | ||
| Oh, we're going to have a good time. | ||
| The greatest club in the world. | ||
| That's the oldest comedy club on the earth. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| The Ice House is the oldest comedy club in America. | ||
| And of course, sorry everybody in the rest of the world, but we invented this shit. | ||
| Stand-up comedy is an American invention. | ||
| Yeah, but the Laugh Factory guarantees laughs. | ||
| You see the difference? | ||
| Buddy, I guarantee. | ||
| You didn't laugh, I laughed. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I didn't guarantee for you. | ||
| How can you guarantee laughs? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Throw your money back. | ||
| Dave Chappelle was on stage the other night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| He was very funny. | ||
| But he was doing this bit about a bad show that he had. | ||
| You know, where people would be like, you know, God, it must be so hard. | ||
| I heard about this. | ||
| This was recently, right? | ||
| Yeah, he had a fucking terrible show in Connecticut. | ||
| People were walking out on him and stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's had a couple of those because, you know, Dave's got kind of a slow pace. | ||
| And if he gets heckled or if people will heckle him and fuck with him, like, sometimes it goes bad, you know? | ||
| And it can go bad because he's so famous, too. | ||
| It's like it becomes like this event that he's there. | ||
| It's not just... | ||
| Did he do it real long? | ||
| The other night, no. | ||
| No, he did like... | ||
| He popped in. | ||
| I want to say he did like 20 minutes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he fucking destroyed. | ||
| But he had the bit about bombing. | ||
| And he goes, man, it must be terrible. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| What happens when you get off stage? | ||
| I mean, it must be awful. | ||
| Nothing happens. | ||
| I'm just, whoop, it didn't work out. | ||
| I still get paid either way. | ||
| He goes, I get paid for the attempt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha. | |
| It was really funny. | ||
| It was fucking hilarious. | ||
| He did have a joke about Floyd Mayweather too. | ||
| I don't know if this really happened, but Whitney Cummings, he said Whitney Cummings yelled out in the middle of Floyd Mayweather's fight, she stood up, Floyd Mayweather beats women! | ||
| And he goes, and men too, bitch! | ||
| And he's laughing while he's doing it. | ||
| He's like such a jovial... | ||
| Did he smoke? | ||
| Oh, he smokes a lot of cigarettes. | ||
| He smokes on stage, right? | ||
| Oh, he smokes a lot of cigarettes. | ||
| He smokes a lot of cigarettes and he believes a lot of conspiracies. | ||
| I believe he is one of the people that believes that Bill Cosby was somehow set up. | ||
| Set up by 30 women? | ||
| I don't think he believes that Bill Cosby didn't do it, but I think that there's some folks out there. | ||
| I had an argument with a dude last night at the Comedy Store about this that works for Live Nation. | ||
| A fine fellow, not a bad human, but he's perhaps been hanging around with the wrong crowd. | ||
| And he said, don't you think it's suspicious that it all happened like this right when his show comes out? | ||
| I go, he's fucking 70, okay? | ||
| He's had a career that's lasted since the 1960s. | ||
| He had a series in the 1960s. | ||
| Yeah, I Spy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| No, it's not a conspiracy. | ||
| They're trying to sabotage his career after a hundred fucking years at the top. | ||
| Do you know how hard it was for a black man to get a series that wasn't comedically about a step-and-fetcher type black guy in those days? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, he was a cop, right? | ||
| Wasn't he? | ||
| He was a detective, yeah. | ||
| That hurts me. | ||
| That one hurts me. | ||
| It really hurts me having daughters, too. | ||
| I've heard it from people before. | ||
| Girls will tell you that they got roofied, and it's always terrifying, but somehow or another, the girl is telling you he's okay, and they're right in front of you, and you go, wow, it's hard for me to connect to this. | ||
| God, it's awful, and it's terrible, but it's hard for me to connect to this. | ||
| Like, I know it's real, and I know it happens, but when I heard that Bill fucking Cosby was drugging and raping women, allegedly, I should say, allegedly. | ||
| They can't make up that many stories. | ||
| You could. | ||
| You certainly could. | ||
| You could get 30 crazy bitches, but I don't think they are. | ||
| But they're not organized. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying that they are. | ||
| I'm saying you certainly could. | ||
| If somebody like some crazy Bill Gates type character wanted to pay 30 people to come up with the same story, they could certainly do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Right? | ||
| I'm not saying that they did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's beside the point. | ||
| I mean, I'm just trying to be as open-minded as possible. | ||
| I'm not a denier in any way, shape, or form. | ||
| But what freaks me out is that this is a guy that was loved by fucking millions. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| And they loved him as this fatherly, sweater-wearing, don't-tell-dirty-jokes, you know? | ||
| Like that famous thing from the Eddie Murphy special where he's, you know, getting mad at Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor tells him. | ||
| To not worry about it. | ||
| But apparently he did that to Cat Williams? | ||
| Or Chris Rock, rather? | ||
| That really bothered me, the way he treated the young black guys because of their language. | ||
| And then you find out he's a felon, an unconvicted felon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's a rapist, let's say it right. | ||
| You know, Joe, when I first started, I was on Star Search, and he was the guest host. | ||
| And I heard shit about him then. | ||
| Same thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| What'd you hear? | ||
| Just that he was married, but he was a womanizer. | ||
| But there was something creepy about him, even in those days. | ||
| That's a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's a big step between a womanizer and a rapist. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| The womanizer is a guy who's an enthusiast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He enjoys the ladies, he enjoys the broads. | |
| It's hard. | ||
| But there's a lack of humanity in someone who's willing to drug a woman. | ||
| It's so fucking evil. | ||
| Like, we were talking about rape, and I was saying that there's no way I could rape somebody because I have too much compassion, and I could never hurt somebody. | ||
| Like, you know, I know it sounds like, oh, big deal, you couldn't rape somebody, but I don't even fucking get it. | ||
| Like, how you could be that evil to get hard seeing somebody cry and stuff, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, I'm bringing this podcast down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| No, no, you're not. | ||
| You know, I think what we were talking about earlier about divas, About this, you know, get out of my way. | ||
| I'm better than everyone else. | ||
| I think they're related. | ||
| Because I think there's a level of stardom that some people reach that the world gets very foggy. | ||
| Like, obviously Cher is a very nice person. | ||
| And she's a very kind person to you and very easy to get along. | ||
| But detached because of her fame and because of her popularity. | ||
| Well, to the point where she feels alienated. | ||
| She was a star at 19. She never knew the real world. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, Sonny and Cher, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| That's crazy if you think about it that way. | ||
| She's been famous for so long, you kind of forget. | ||
| 19, she was a big star. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Gypsies, tramp sound thieves. | ||
| That's what the people of the town called us. | ||
| I love that song. | ||
| But it's in tune. | ||
| But she's a nice person, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| She made through that and stayed a nice person, even though she's a quote-unquote diva. | ||
| She's a diva because she's extraordinarily talented and very respected and loved and all that good stuff. | ||
| That thing that makes you like everyone out of my way, you know, you know that Whether it would Diana Ross did it and you saw with the Whitney Houston thing the bodyguards pushing it aside Yeah, the Streisand thing that John Mellencamp he did John Mellencamp friend of mine Omar Not not the tent maker another one more from the wire No? | ||
| He used to tell me that he was stage managing, and you weren't allowed to talk to him. | ||
| He had to talk to his manager, and he would say it, like right next to him. | ||
| And there's a guy like the blue-collar, gritty guy. | ||
| You know, they didn't like him in Indiana. | ||
| I was in Indiana for a fight, and they showed John Mellencamp's picture, and the fucking whole crowd booed. | ||
| Why's that? | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| And they said, because he's a liberal. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Because he's... | ||
| I don't know what he did or said. | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| But man, there was like a bunch of boos and I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I was like, this is John Mellencamp. | ||
| Like, we're in Indianapolis. | ||
| He's from this area. | ||
| I was born in a small town. | ||
| You know, that's him. | ||
| That's why, like, of all those women that we talked about, I wasn't surprised by any of them. | ||
| But by John Mellencamp, I thought he was, like, the gritty down-the-earth. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Like, Bruce Springsteen is notoriously personable. | ||
| Like, if you talk to Bruce Springsteen, like, Brian Callen had a conversation with Bruce Springsteen, and he said, you talk to that guy, and you would think that he's a fucking, you know, whatever. | ||
| He owns a company, or he's a fucking banker, or he's a normal dude. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But obviously charismatic and interesting and intelligent, but he doesn't have any airs about them. | ||
| I was doing Cone and Bruce came up to visit Max, the drummer. | ||
| He's in the same group. | ||
| I know you know that. | ||
| But Bruce comes up to me and he says, you know, something about stand-up. | ||
| And I said, if I ever open for anybody. | ||
| He goes, yes, I have. | ||
| And I said, you know what? | ||
| I would never, ever open for you. | ||
| So why I said what a fucking nightmare I said the curtain goes down and they're all going Bruce and the curtain comes up and I'm standing there with a mic they're going you're not Bruce We want Bruce Whoever the fuck you are get away Those are that's a hard thing when you're opening for somebody when they want the other person That's a shitty thing to say to I've seen people open for other comics and you know bring bring out you know Tosh well I bring out you know on the bill and So it wasn't like I was surprised. | ||
| I was on the bill, I was on the marquee. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| Yeah, that's big. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| Yeah, so people prepare, they know you're part of the program. | ||
| Well, you remember the whole Bill Burr thing? | ||
| The Philly thing, yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, that started with me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know that story. | ||
| Yeah, well those ONA crowds, the pests, who I'd love, but those guys are fucking notoriously mean. | ||
| They're notoriously mean. | ||
| If things go bad... | ||
| But the thing that happened was they were so drunk, all they wanted was Jim Norton. | ||
| And I love Jim Norton. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The only one that had a great set was Bill, because he berated the fucking people. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And I even told them. | ||
| A couple people booed me. | ||
| I says, you know what? | ||
| Make it $12,000 for 10 minutes. | ||
| Go back to your mother's basements, you fucking retards. | ||
| With your emaciated Lazarus looks. | ||
| And then I got a cheer. | ||
| And Bill was still mad. | ||
| He says to me like I don't know on me. | ||
| He goes, they boo Dom Herrera? | ||
| I go, Bill, I am Dom Herrera. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| And I went on the speaker and I just sat there. | ||
| I was crying laughing. | ||
| And the funniest thing he said, he put down everything. | ||
| The Eagles, the Flyers. | ||
| The Liberty Bell. | ||
| Yeah, fuck the Liberty Bell. | ||
| Fuck the Liberty Bill. | ||
| He's talking about how racist they are. | ||
| They've got all the best boxers in the world. | ||
| You go after a fictitious white guy who's 5'5". | ||
| You know what he said to me? | ||
| He said he had to stop doing them because people expected him to lay into them. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there was a point in time after that where that became what he was known for. | ||
| It could get bad. | ||
| You could go bad like that. | ||
| You could get stuck in a character. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, there's guys that are stuck in characters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| You know? | ||
| Like, Dice is stuck in a character. | ||
| Imagine being a 70-year-old Dice. | ||
| I think he's funny. | ||
| I know you and him have problems. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| There's one of my... | ||
| Certain times in life you have friends that don't like each other. | ||
| That's just one of those deals. | ||
| He's a friend? | ||
| I'm a way better friend of you. | ||
| I'll tell you right now. | ||
| But I am friends with Dice. | ||
| I like Dice. | ||
| But I love you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I love you too. | ||
| You're my brother. | ||
| Right back. | ||
| Ditto, my friend. | ||
| But, like, you know, he kind of became that guy. | ||
| For folks who don't know, Andrew Silverstein was Andrew Silverstein. | ||
| And Andrew Silverstein used to go on stage and used to have a variety of different impressions. | ||
| He used to do a tremendous John Travolta. | ||
| Because Travolta was excellent. | ||
| He's an excellent actor. | ||
| Very good actor, very good impressionist. | ||
| He'd do all these things, and then he would do the Dice Man! | ||
| And I jizzed all over her head. | ||
| And the Dice Man character in his act... | ||
| Well, you know who that's from? | ||
| Buddy Love. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Buddy Love was in The Nutty Professor. | ||
| That character's directly derivative from that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Buddy Love in The Nutty Professor. | ||
| Is that... | ||
| The Nutty Professor is Jerry Lewis and he takes a serum and changes it to a different guy. | ||
| Pull that. | ||
| I need to see that. | ||
| When he changed into that guy, that's the character the dice became. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Jamie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Illuminate the world. | ||
| Jerry Lewis, Nutty Professor, Buddy Love. | ||
| I will be in Kilkenny in two weeks. | ||
| Are you going to go there? | ||
| Ireland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you son of a bitch. | |
| I love it. | ||
| I performed in Dublin and Belfast, Northern Ireland. | ||
| Oh, did you? | ||
| I've never been to Belfast. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| They call me the godfather of Kilkenny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Okay, find it. | ||
| But look, the way he looks. | ||
| So he became like a slick guy? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| See if you can find something. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Jerry Lewis as Buddy Love. | ||
| We've got a world that swings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Oh my God, it is. | ||
| Give me some volume here. | ||
| Wow, he comes out as a cool guy with a cigarette. | ||
| at his hair slick back. | ||
| Wow, look at the people in the audience back then. | ||
| The chick was beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of bullshit is this? | |
| This just shows you how culture evolves. | ||
| Have you ever seen the... | ||
| Look how hot she is. | ||
| Good fucking googly moogly. | ||
| But the broad on the left of her is going to cock block... | ||
| Jerry's going to try to make nice to her, come over and say hi, and the other one's going to drool all over him. | ||
| But yeah, he is kind of like... | ||
| You've got to see the character. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| He admitted that he was doing Buddy Love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, he never said that it was his character. | ||
| I'm almost positive on that. | ||
| Wow, I did not know. | ||
| I never saw that on you, Professor. | ||
| It was one of his many impressions. | ||
| I never even saw the Eddie Murphy version. | ||
| No, I didn't see Eddie's. | ||
| I saw Jerry Lewis's. | ||
| I never saw it. | ||
| So that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That old black magic. | |
| How come... | ||
| We were talking about this the other day. | ||
| How come nobody cared about girls' asses back then? | ||
| There was no big asses back then. | ||
| Girls weren't doing squats. | ||
| Like, you go to girls' Instagram pages, they're all wearing fucking yoga pants. | ||
| Marilyn Monroe's ass. | ||
| She couldn't even be one of the fly girls. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Jane Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| Those girls, I mean, they had a different kind of body. | ||
| They were obviously very beautiful, but they did not have, like, there's some ridiculous Instagram girls that have, like, two million followers on Instagram, and they have these giant butts. | ||
| Like, look at Marilyn Monroe's ass. | ||
| Get a close-up on that, Jamie. | ||
| They didn't work out like women today. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, Dom. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I mean, that's not a badass. | ||
| That's a very nice ass. | ||
| You wouldn't fuck me out of my room? | ||
| I would certainly do that. | ||
| But it's a little on the flat side. | ||
| I'd have to look at her. | ||
| I'd have to flip her over. | ||
| I'd have to look her eye to eye, which is fine with me. | ||
| I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. | ||
| She's a beautiful lady. | ||
| I don't think that's her at her best, either. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| That's actually a pretty good one. | ||
| I'm sure her back's arched up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Left. | ||
| Down. | ||
| Down. | ||
| Right in the middle. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But still, like, you compare that to, like... | ||
| The style of body that women aspire to today. | ||
| I mean, everyone was like, the hourglass figure. | ||
| Well, the hourglass is very different shaped now. | ||
| Like, you look at, like, the fucking Jennifer Lopez style asses. | ||
| Oh, I love her body. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, girls have just different asses now. | ||
| I mean, and it's like really... | ||
| The ass has evolved! | ||
| It has! | ||
| I mean, girls never had asses like that. | ||
| This is like a big thing. | ||
| Like, we want big, muscular asses now, whereas if you look at Playboy from just a few years ago, there was no girls that had big, giant asses like that. | ||
| It didn't exist. | ||
| This is a new fad, darling. | ||
| I'd rather her ass be a little big than too small. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| I like girls with a little body fat on them. | ||
| I think it's sexy. | ||
| Sickest thing I ever heard was a comedian friend of mine who goes, oh, fuck. | ||
| She had such a nice ass. | ||
| It was like a little boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy fucking scary creep. | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| Did you find any buddy love? | ||
| It's gotta exist. | ||
| It's the YouTube. | ||
| The YouTube has everything, goddammit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just found the full movie. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Cut through that shit. | ||
| Get to the heart of the matter. | ||
| So, in The Nutty Professor, did he take like a potion and he became this cool guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think so. | |
| That's what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just real geeky. | |
| It's just weird the style of movies and of entertainment. | ||
| Like when he was sitting there singing that terrible song in front of all those people. | ||
| It's like people actually went to see something like that and they enjoyed it. | ||
| You know, the world has changed in so many weird ways, man. | ||
| So many weird ways that it's like, it's hard to keep up with it, or it's hard to put it into perspective unless you go back and watch old stuff. | ||
| Is this his character? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's crazy about me also. | |
| Now, last weekend, Junior, you ordered your drink. | ||
| About last night. | ||
| Would you like to explain what happened? | ||
| I told you I was gonna tell you. | ||
| It's, uh... | ||
| Why don't we kind of table it a while, sweetie, huh? | ||
| I mean, all the kids that are kind of waiting, you know? | ||
| It's Dullsville out. | ||
| I'll be back. | ||
| You take five. | ||
| And I love you, baby. | ||
| Mean it sincerely. | ||
| You wait for me, huh? | ||
| Oh, there you are, sweets. | ||
| Thanks a lot. | ||
| So all these girls come running up to the table, and he's gonna play the piano. | ||
| He's drinking. | ||
| Does a shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got something. | |
| She's gorgeous, isn't she? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to find out what it is. | |
| He's got something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I'll do a... | |
| Do a tune that I'm gonna... | ||
| Record for a poverty record. | ||
| Sounds like Sinatra a little. | ||
| Well, his formula's wearing off, right? | ||
| Isn't that what's supposed to be happening here? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's like Mr. Cool Guy. | ||
| Isn't that hilarious? | ||
| The idea that he can't continue to act like this, that it's impossible. | ||
| Stupid premise. | ||
| See? | ||
| It's coming out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're near me. | |
| Hey, lady! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's happening? | |
| Look, she's turning to her friend. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that'll be it for a while. | |
| He's got to run away and turn back into the professor. | ||
| The nerdy professor who can't get the girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like the girl on our wedding night whose absent-minded husband goes home to his mother for dinner. | |
| Boy, movies suck back then. | ||
| Jesus Christ, could you imagine? | ||
| I mean, that's almost like a parody of a movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it's almost like a parody. | ||
| Have you ever seen, like, some of the old Liberace stuff, back when Liberace was a heartthrob? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Pull up when Liberace winks at me. | ||
| This is one of my favorite things. | ||
| When I think about... | ||
| Wait, he acted like he was straight, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Forever! | ||
| For the longest time, they would always ask him, Liberace, when are you going to get married? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I'm just trying to find the right girl, but it's hard. | |
| But when you watch this, when you watch, like, him, and you realize, when Liberace winks at me, like, this was like, crank this shit. | ||
| I like when guys that are gay try and act like they're straight. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is a girl sitting at home. | ||
| She's writing, like, a fan letter. | ||
| And Liberace's on the TV. And watch when he winks, it makes a crazy noise. | ||
| Like watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| You've got the other thing playing on the background, Jamie. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Get it together, bitch. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Pause it. | ||
| Don't go to your Twitter. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you fuck. | ||
| Jeremiah Watkins. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| What have you done? | ||
| You've ruined this whole Liberace moment. | ||
| What have you done? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| Go back to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So natural. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| That's what happens when Liberace winks at me. | ||
| Get it, liver. | ||
| Look at that clink when he winks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I start to blush. | |
| I start to stammer. | ||
| And my pulse starts to ponder like a hammer. | ||
| I do wish that any fool can plainly see. | ||
| That's what happens when Liberace winks at me. | ||
| Here it comes. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The clink when he winks is just so weird. | |
| And when he sits there at the candle No one can hold a candle over to him I mean, okay, I can kill it. | ||
| But I mean, he didn't even sing, you know, this. | ||
| The girl's singing, and his famous thing was playing the guitar. | ||
| Or playing the piano, rather. | ||
| But it was enough. | ||
| That's all you needed. | ||
| I mean, there he didn't. | ||
| I mean, he sang in some other songs, right? | ||
| He sang, right? | ||
| Didn't Liberace sing? | ||
| Somewhere over the rainbows. | ||
| He had to have sung. | ||
| Man, maybe he didn't. | ||
| I don't remember him singing. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That doesn't mean he didn't sing. | ||
| I wasn't a big fan. | ||
| You were a huge fan. | ||
| I was a big fan. | ||
| Yeah, the poster right next to the Farrah Fawcett poster. | ||
| But it's weird when you look at old culture, when you look at things that were just... | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| Is he singing? | ||
| He's singing. | ||
| The Liberace Show. | ||
| He's not mic'd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People who need people. | |
| Oh, he's talking the song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're the luckiest people. | |
| Oh, kill that. | ||
| Kill that before we both turn gay. | ||
| In the world. | ||
| We could all turn gay just watching that. | ||
| That fucking documentary or that movie, rather, they did about him for HBO with Matt Damon and, um, the fuck's his name? | ||
| Kirk Douglas or Michael Douglas? | ||
| Michael Douglas, yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that was good. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I heard it was really good. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| It was so good and so crazy. | ||
| Who played Liberace? | ||
| Douglas. | ||
| Douglas? | ||
| Yeah, Michael Douglas. | ||
| And Matt Damon played his boyfriend. | ||
| Oh, God, that must have been funny. | ||
| He's such a good actor. | ||
| He's a good actor. | ||
| But he had all this crazy plastic surgery to look like Liberace, the boyfriend, did in real life. | ||
| So they got all this prosthetics on Matt Damon to make his chin stick out. | ||
| And at the beginning of the film, he's beautiful Matt Damon, how he really looks. | ||
| But then as the film goes on, yeah, look at him. | ||
| He starts to get all of this plastic surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Yeah, see if they have... | ||
| He looks like a newscaster. | ||
| He looks like Diane Sawyer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I shouldn't say that. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Because I don't think it was too overblown. | ||
| I think it was really, like, fairly realistic. | ||
| Imagine how much fun he had playing that. | ||
| I don't know if you remember Hollywood Shuffle. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I got to play a gay friend of mine who I went to college with, and his name, we used to call him Vinny the Binny. | ||
| And the reason I got the character was my wife and I were going down to a college reunion, and this is when he got gayer and gayer because he was a hairdresser on the Broadway, and he's a really good dude. | ||
| He's driving me down, and I go, Vinny, you want a beer? | ||
| He goes, no thanks, Don, but you have one. | ||
| They did that little laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Whatever happened to Robert Townsend? | ||
| He's another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That guy was a killer. | ||
| Remember he used to do those HBO specials where he'd have all the different comics up and he had these elaborate sets and he was hosting it and he had all those movies. | ||
| The movie was so funny with Damon and Kenan Waynes and John Witherspoon. | ||
| He had a bunch of good movies. | ||
| Joe, when we shot that movie, we were fucking crying laughing. | ||
| What happened to him, man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, he stole a bit of mine, and that's how I got in the movie. | ||
| Remember my school for Italians? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is there a school where I teach Italians how to be more Italian? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he had a school for actors, black actors, teaching black actors how to be more black. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So it was basically a rip-off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we're watching a Georgetown-Villanova game at his house, and he shows me this thing. | ||
| And I said, well, Robert, that's... | ||
| You know, he wanted me to do a part in the movie, but he was also showing me... | ||
| I just wanted to let you know I kind of borrowed something... | ||
| I said, but that's mine. | ||
| I said, you know, I wouldn't even let him do it. | ||
| And he goes, I never saw you do it. | ||
| I go, we worked together every fucking night. | ||
| We did improvs on stage together. | ||
| How could you not see it? | ||
| Your mind shut down? | ||
| People will say that. | ||
| People will say that. | ||
| I've seen guys say that, that work with guys and then steal a bit and say, I never saw you do it. | ||
| Like, bitch, you saw him do it. | ||
| You saw him do it a hundred times, maybe. | ||
| That was a big thing at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| That was one of the reasons why I stopped going to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| It doesn't happen in any way. | ||
| You should come back. | ||
| Oh, by the way, June 9th, if you're available. | ||
| What day is that? | ||
| It's a Tuesday. | ||
| It's my next one. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm in, Dom. | ||
| I want to get you and Joey back again. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The 9th, I'll be... | ||
| Yeah, I'm in Irvine that weekend. | ||
| Yeah, I'm in. | ||
| We'll get Diaz with us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do it. | |
| I love Diaz. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Diaz was on fucking fire last night. | ||
| The funniest guy in the world, ever. | ||
| He's the funniest guy of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking great. | |
| Last night at the fucking OR in the Comedy Store, I was crying. | ||
| I mean, tears were rolling down my hair, my eyes rather. | ||
| Does he say it? | ||
| Does he say your whole name, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Listen, Dom Herrera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you right now, these fucking bitches, they got nothing for me. | |
| Yeah, he tells everybody's full name. | ||
| How great is it to see a guy like him peeking now? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Well, you know, I was the biggest Joey Diaz supporter of all time. | ||
| I would take him on the road with me when agents... | ||
| I used to have this old agent that fucking hated Joey. | ||
| And he would say, I just don't think the guy's talented. | ||
| I don't know why you're taking him with me. | ||
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| I go, you're out of your mind. | ||
| I think this guy's holding you back. | ||
| I think it makes your show look bad. | ||
| Please shut the fuck up. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Just stop talking. | ||
| And that guy has vanished. | ||
| That's very generous of you. | ||
| I mean, you did it with Ari. | ||
| And I love those guys. | ||
| But, I mean, it was great that you had the power and the unselfishness to help those guys' careers. | ||
| Well, one of the things about the Comedy Store, where we all work on a regular basis, we get to see guys who are good and guys who are not good, you know? | ||
| And Ari said to me once, like, when you took me on the road, you know, I wasn't funny. | ||
| I go, that's not true. | ||
| You were funny. | ||
| You just weren't funny all the time. | ||
| But the times you were funny, you were really fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah, remember Ask a Jew? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| He's a fucking great comic. | ||
| He just needed to develop. | ||
| I mean, it's all it is, but he had that ability. | ||
| I mean, maybe it would be like two out of three bits would be killer and one of them wouldn't be so hot, but those two were fucking killer. | ||
| Most comics are notoriously hard on themselves. | ||
| I'm very, very self-critical. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I don't like compliments. | ||
| I dissect the shit out of my act, but it's also what makes it good. | ||
| It's because I try to cut it out and trim the fat. | ||
| So that's Ari's opinion as well. | ||
| He was looking at himself like, I wasn't good back then. | ||
| I was like, that's not true. | ||
| You had the ability. | ||
| To be very, very funny. | ||
| It just didn't always work out. | ||
| It's because you were still learning to be a comic. | ||
| So I knew that. | ||
| I knew that about Duncan. | ||
| I knew that about Diaz. | ||
| And I knew that about Ari. | ||
| Because I saw them there all the time. | ||
| I knew they had it. | ||
| They just had to do it. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know. | ||
| I mean, I especially didn't know Duncan because he never mentioned it. | ||
| I would call him for spots. | ||
| He would take my spots down. | ||
| We always had a good time. | ||
| I always liked the kid. | ||
| He never even told me he was a comedian. | ||
| Then all of a sudden he's doing an X-rated ventriloquist... | ||
| Well, the satanic ventriloquist. | ||
| Little Hobo? | ||
| Yeah, Little Hobo is fucking awesome. | ||
| Somebody stole Little Hobo. | ||
| He had to get a new Little Hobo. | ||
| God, who the fuck would steal your puppet? | ||
| Some asshole. | ||
| Whoever you are, you fuck. | ||
| I hope Little Hobo haunts you in your sleep. | ||
| Stole Little Hobo. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Those guys are just... | ||
| I got to see them in the beginning. | ||
| I got to see Duncan one of his first times ever on stage. | ||
| Ari, same thing. | ||
| I got to see Ari when he was essentially an open-miker. | ||
| We became friends when he was an open-miker. | ||
| And Diaz, he had had a few years in his belt in Denver and in Seattle. | ||
| He had a few years, but he was still putting it together. | ||
| But I just knew, man. | ||
| I would just see those sparks, those moments. | ||
| Remember when we were laughing at the Laugh Factory when he just plants his feet and just has that rant? | ||
| He destroyed the Laugh Factory two weeks ago. | ||
| Was it two weeks ago we did your show? | ||
| He destroyed it, but I'm telling you, it wasn't like last night. | ||
| Last night, I don't want to say the bits that he was doing because they're all new bits. | ||
| I don't want to say what the premises were. | ||
| Holy fuck, we were crying. | ||
| It was like, you know, the audience was pretty good size, you know, maybe a hundred people, but all the comics in the back of the room, we were just crying. | ||
| Just crying. | ||
| I mean, literally, tears pouring down my eyes. | ||
| I watched this whole set and then went home. | ||
| And Adam, you know, Adam said, it's so crazy. | ||
| Like, you've known that guy for so fucking long, and you still laugh that hard, and you still go in to see his sets. | ||
| He's free! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's better. | |
| He's free. | ||
| He's so free. | ||
| I remember he used to follow me at the Lyft, at the Comedy Store. | ||
| So we had, like, a small friendship, but we were always buddies. | ||
| And he used to get so nervous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was so different. | ||
| He really broke through, but it shows you about this. | ||
| That doesn't happen to athletes. | ||
| You don't break through at 40 or 50. Yeah, right? | ||
| You're done. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting because Joey's like 51 now, I think, or 52. He's never been better. | ||
| Never been better. | ||
| And didn't really catch... | ||
| For like, maybe I just want to say like five, six years ago, people started to know who he was. | ||
| And you know how I could tell the difference? | ||
| When I would take him on the road. | ||
| I'd take him on the road, and people would, like, I would do a theater or something like that, and Joey would go on stage, and people just wouldn't know who he was. | ||
| And they would start laughing after a while, but they would give a nice, polite round of applause when he got on stage. | ||
| Now when Joey goes on stage, I film it sometimes just to show people. | ||
| I put it on YouTube. | ||
| You can find it on YouTube. | ||
| Find Joey Diaz going on stage. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| I think Joey Diaz going on stage in Denver. | ||
| One of the reasons why I did a theater in Denver was because Wendy had banned Joey. | ||
| She uses him now. | ||
| They smoothed it over and he actually works a club now. | ||
| But he had some instance back in his old drug-using days. | ||
| He was out of his fucking mind. | ||
| And they banned him from the club. | ||
| You know, common shit. | ||
| Richard Pryor's... | ||
| Sam Kinison got banned from the Comedy Store about a hundred times, you know? | ||
| I know, I was there. | ||
| Joey goes on stage, and the fucking round of applause was so crazy. | ||
| I had a film. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| They knew who he was. | ||
| And this was like... | ||
| Two years ago, maybe, I want to say? | ||
| So, it was a few years in, and he was just starting to realize that they had caught on. | ||
| So for the longest time, it's like I had been singing this guy's praises, and nobody knew who the fuck he was. | ||
| They just didn't get it. | ||
| And then finally, you find it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Toronto. | |
| It's Toronto? | ||
| Alright. | ||
| No, it's not Toronto. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| No, that's not Joey Diaz. | ||
| That's Joe Rogan goes on stage at Massey Hall, you silly bitch. | ||
| It's not me. | ||
| Joey can't even get to Toronto. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| Joey. | ||
| You gotta say Joey Diaz goes on stage. | ||
| There's a video. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| He can't get to Canada. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| They won't let him in. | ||
| Yeah, he told me. | ||
| I was trying to work with him somewhere. | ||
| Armed kidnapping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He brings somebody to another room. | ||
| Kidnapping and armed robbery. | ||
| He had a machine gun. | ||
| He stole coke from somebody. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| You know, sometimes we split the bill at the Ice House, him and I. Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those are great shows. | ||
| A lot of fun. | ||
| I told you what he said to me the first time we did it. | ||
| I said, Joe, whatever you want to do. | ||
| You want to go on first, second, whatever? | ||
| He goes, I'll tell you what, Don Marrera. | ||
| Why don't you go to the first show and close the first show, close the second, so you don't have to follow a pig like me that late. | ||
| And then you can go to the Laugh Factory doing another set. | ||
| Not only are you making me the easy spots, but you're writing my itinerary too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a character. | ||
| There's nobody like that guy. | ||
| I think we're very lucky. | ||
| All of us are. | ||
| Just so we know each other. | ||
| I feel very lucky that I know you. | ||
| I enjoyed that moment we had with me and him at the Comedy Store in the parking lot. | ||
| It's just fun and relaxing. | ||
| Well, you know, Brian Cowan was talking about this the other night because his wife made him go on some fucking horrendous double date. | ||
| And he's hanging out with this guy who's just apparently really obnoxious and annoying. | ||
| And his wife was like, I thought they were fine. | ||
| And he goes, do you understand that I could be right now at the comedy store hanging out with the funniest people on earth? | ||
| And I'm hanging out with this idiot who wants to brag about his boat or whatever the fuck he was talking about, some blowhard. | ||
| So what's it like to bomb? | ||
| That must really be... | ||
| Anybody ever ask you that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| It's like, what's it like to buy? | ||
| How much do you think I'd fucking bomb if I work all over the world? | ||
| We gotta get Don Marrera over here in New Zealand. | ||
| I always say it's like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother. | ||
| It's the best way to describe it. | ||
| That's a nice image. | ||
| But the problem is... | ||
| I don't have that kind of time. | ||
| Maybe... | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| We'll just be real quick. | ||
| I'm not saying to climax. | ||
| You know, you can get through 10 in a short period of time if you've got a good head movement. | ||
| We've got to get out of here. | ||
| Your car's supposed to be picking you up right now. | ||
| This motherfucker's probably angry. | ||
| I'm at the Tropicana next Saturday, 23rd. | ||
| The Tropicana in Atlantic City, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's Dom Herrera's hood right next to powerful Philadelphia. | ||
| Joseph, thank you for having me on. | ||
| Thank you, my brother. | ||
| See you tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love you. | |
| Yeah, we're going to have fun. | ||
| We're at the Ice House Sold Out tonight. | ||
| Sorry, bitches. | ||
| But we'll probably be doing another show next Wednesday night, too, because I've got a big Vegas show next Friday. | ||
| I've got to fucking tune up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit of this. | |
| Dom Herrera, I love you, brother. | ||
| Love you, too, man. | ||
| All right, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be back tomorrow with Adam Scorgy, the producer of The Union and The Culture High, and he'll be here tomorrow. | ||
| Thank you. |
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