Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day. | |
Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
All day. | ||
Hey, look, it's the kid. | ||
Hey, guys, come on. | ||
Sure, sure, I look young. | ||
He's even got a shirt on that says the kid. | ||
Whatever, dude. | ||
In case you were wondering. | ||
I got tight-fitting skin. | ||
It's not my fault. | ||
I like how the fighter is in smaller font because he gets more letters. | ||
You guys based it on, like, what's an even trade? | ||
Did you weigh the ink? | ||
Yeah, we weighed the ink. | ||
We had to. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
We had to wear the ink. | ||
Because the fighter is nice and long, but the kid is larger. | ||
Well, he designs all the t-shirts. | ||
I'm terrible with clothing. | ||
I'm not a big fashionista. | ||
You might want to look into someone who actually makes t-shirts, because that looks like a fucking junior high school kid did that shit with a paintbrush. | ||
That was the idea. | ||
That looks like an art class that you didn't give a fuck about passing. | ||
unidentified
|
I think that's Karate Kid font, though. | |
That's what I'm talking about. | ||
Is it supposed to be like Kung Fu movie font? | ||
Yeah, sure. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm not part of the least creative. | |
I'm not part of the artistic department. | ||
I love both of you guys, but that is one of the least creative t-shirts I've ever seen. | ||
And I love that end thing. | ||
That little fucking weird thing that stands for end. | ||
You know? | ||
What is that thing called? | ||
unidentified
|
The end sign? | |
Is that an ampersand? | ||
I thought ampersand was an A. Like a pound with the A that's circled. | ||
unidentified
|
No, that's... | |
What is that? | ||
At? | ||
What is at? | ||
What is the actual... | ||
unidentified
|
Asterix. | |
Asterix. | ||
No, asterix is the star, right? | ||
I tried to make t-shirts for Maya. | ||
But which one's ampersand? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
Hold on, let's find out. | ||
Ampersand. | ||
Ampersand, end, yeah. | ||
Okay, Jamie's totally correct. | ||
So, ampersand is the, that's the end. | ||
Like, fighter, end, A-N-D. It's a weird little symbol. | ||
It just looks bad on yours. | ||
Do I have that on my t-shirt? | ||
Yes, you do, obviously. | ||
Right there, man. | ||
Fighter and the kid. | ||
And then that thing over the T, that thing, you just look at it. | ||
You need glasses, bro. | ||
I do not, just because you need glasses. | ||
Stop trying to get me in on your glasses bandwagon. | ||
You could read shit better. | ||
The at sign's actually called a strudel in Israel. | ||
Okay, but we're not in Israel. | ||
What's it called in America? | ||
unidentified
|
It's just an at sign. | |
Just an at sign. | ||
A strudel. | ||
Yeah, that's one of those ones that, like, didn't have any play for, like, hundreds of years. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, what is this useless fucking thing on my computer? | ||
Stop trying to bring things back. | ||
You would look at, like, before Twitter and Facebook and all that shit, and, like, in the name, nothing! | ||
Right. | ||
You fucking never used that thing on the keyboard, on the typewriter, that was a useless goddamn key. | ||
Like, who the hell needs that and thing? | ||
I know. | ||
And you would ask, like, what is that? | ||
It's some shit you'll never use. | ||
Meanwhile, it's some shit everybody uses now. | ||
Everybody's fucking Twitter handle. | ||
I don't know how many Twitter people there are. | ||
Language changes. | ||
Are you a pound sign or a hashtag person? | ||
Well, you really should say pound sign. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
I mean, why does it get to be hashtag if it's the same goddamn thing? | ||
Yeah, I say pound. | ||
Because it has a different connotation? | ||
What was a pound sign's connotation? | ||
It was just on your phone, remember? | ||
What did anybody use it for? | ||
You would punctuate to send a message or something. | ||
Like a voicemail. | ||
Press the pound sign. | ||
But they say the pound sign. | ||
But then all of a sudden, hashtag came along. | ||
What are you, making corned beef? | ||
You slinging hash? | ||
What kind of hash is this? | ||
Is this weed hash? | ||
Why would you call it hashtag? | ||
Hashtag question mark. | ||
Someone's going to send us a link on Twitter, I'm sure. | ||
The origins of the word hashtag. | ||
Hashtag came from Twitter, right? | ||
Yeah, and then Facebook adopted it. | ||
I was talking to this linguist. | ||
I was saying, why do southern accents, for example, in Mississippi never go away? | ||
Why do certain regions hold on to their accents? | ||
And he said, most of it has to do with the fact that you copy the person who's older. | ||
The person you look up to, if he has an accent, that's the guy you're going to try to talk like. | ||
So it gets passed down from generation to generation and doesn't really get diluted. | ||
Because they just stand out more? | ||
Human beings are tribal. | ||
And so what they do is, if you grow up around your dad or your older brother or somebody you look up to who speaks a certain way, without even realizing it, you start taking on their language. | ||
You speak exactly the same intonation and everything. | ||
And so what happens is, that accent in Louisiana will always stay that accent in Louisiana. | ||
It's really interesting. | ||
But then that can start to sort of change as people migrate. | ||
What if a bunch of bad motherfuckers, a bunch of badass, big dick South Africans came in and just fucked everybody in that town. | ||
Dominated. | ||
Came in with billions of dollars of cash. | ||
It would be interesting if there was a way where you could restructure an accent. | ||
Just a few dominant alpha chimpanzee males. | ||
That's interesting, yeah. | ||
With a strange accent. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, strange South African accent. | ||
Like, if there was a way some bad motherfuckers could move into an area... | ||
And everybody would want to be like them so much they would start talking like South Africans. | ||
If you go to Barcelona in Spain, they talk with a lisp. | ||
Barcelona, Barcelona, they do that. | ||
Really? | ||
And they say that is because the king had a lisp a long time ago, and everybody started to copy that sort of, you know, that colloquialism or whatever. | ||
Well, it is kind of weird that lisp is considered to be odd. | ||
The one strange sound that you make, but roaring the arse, is considered to be flamboyant and beautiful. | ||
Like, if you say someone... | ||
When you speak the Queen's English, of course. | ||
No, but we have, like, categories where we'll put, like, this is a sound that you should make. | ||
And this is a sound where it's fucked up. | ||
I don't like it. | ||
And it's all based on our control. | ||
See, the issue with the lisp is some people cannot control the fact that they make that sound. | ||
So they're not trying to lisp. | ||
It's very difficult for them to not lisp. | ||
So because of that, that sound becomes inappropriate. | ||
Yeah, maybe it's because... | ||
When you have a lisp, it's already, quote-unquote, a defect, so it's considered a weakness. | ||
Yes. | ||
So that would be something that is... | ||
Well, it's just because you can't control it. | ||
That's why it's a weakness. | ||
If the rose is ours on purpose, then it sounds cool. | ||
He's Antonio Bandares. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But if you roll your R's because you can't stop, like your R's are slippery. | ||
I thought that was Conor McGregor. | ||
Conor McGregor. | ||
He's got a little bit of his own. | ||
I like to whip ass. | ||
But that's a different thing, an Irish thing. | ||
But yeah, the R's are slippery, right? | ||
Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
Yes. | ||
Roll. | ||
If that was a disease, you know, instead of a lisp, you know, oh, he's got a rasp. | ||
Oh, the poor bastard. | ||
He can't help it. | ||
unidentified
|
Speech impediments. | |
Stutters are neurological. | ||
Yeah, it's a neurological thing. | ||
There was a kid that I used to be friends with, and his brother had a stutter. | ||
Poor, poor bastard. | ||
He just fucking, just would lock up, man. | ||
And he would lock up in front of you, and you'd want to, like, help him through it. | ||
Yes, yes, yes. | ||
And you had to act like nothing. | ||
My, that, something about stutters endear me to the person. | ||
Like, I want to protect them. | ||
We had a guy in my Taekwondo school who would, sometimes we'd line up, and he'd have to say, and he could, he had such a bad stutter. | ||
So we'd all be sitting there, and he'd go, And we have to wait sometimes for 40 seconds. | ||
But of course we all did. | ||
And something about a stutter has always made me feel protective over the person. | ||
If you're stuttering all the time, should you be getting kicked in the head? | ||
That's a good question. | ||
You've got shit going on there already. | ||
You've got some bad connections. | ||
Maybe you could rattle it loose. | ||
Like you hear about those stories where a kid gets in a car accident and all of a sudden he can play music. | ||
Yeah, well, Robert Sachs did a thing about this guy who got struck by lightning, his regular dude, got struck by lightning and became obsessed with music, especially the piano, and just literally did nothing but play 12 hours a day and think piano, and he was convinced it was a sign from God. | ||
So Robert Sachs said, well, you know, it may be a sign from God, but is there any way I can study your brain? | ||
And he said no. | ||
No, this is Scott and I'm not interested in the scientific. | ||
It was just such a bummer for him. | ||
What the fuck happened? | ||
What happened that you got struck by lightning and you became obsessed with the piano? | ||
Where he literally played all day. | ||
I think he's probably scared that if he finds something that's wrong, that they might fix it. | ||
Go back to being normal. | ||
Well, it's very strange to me also because what they find with people who, like when they say something like, you've got to follow your passion, man. | ||
The problem with that is that you've got to broaden your passion because sometimes your passion can be just what you know. | ||
And a lot of people consider their passion what they're just good at already or they came at it with the right emotional state so it was easier for them to learn. | ||
But some passions you have to work at really hard before you get good at them like math or for that matter even like boxing or something like that. | ||
Right. | ||
But why would you think that he would want to not have his brain examined? | ||
Oh, I think that was a religious superstitious thing. | ||
I think that he kind of felt it would go away if somebody did something to his brain. | ||
Is that what you think? | ||
I do. | ||
That's what Sack said, in effect. | ||
I would wonder if he would be afraid that it was purely psychological. | ||
I think there's a lot of people who say they believe in God, and they'll talk about the fact they believe in God, but I don't know if they Believe 100%. | ||
I think they might believe like 80%. | ||
And that 20% haunts them. | ||
They don't want to address that 20%. | ||
And when something like this happens, where there's a tangible effect of a physical act and you attribute it to God, if someone comes along and says, no, you're Abdullah, Mangala, whatever, got fried. | ||
You don't have that part of your brain anymore. | ||
And that part of your brain dictates social skills. | ||
Like, if you're having a hard time talking to people, yeah, well, you lost that. | ||
That part's not there anymore, so you're basing, you know, all your attention is now going to music. | ||
And if you found out that, instead of like, God gave you a gift, that would fuck with your head. | ||
That's right. | ||
Well, a lot of, they say that people who, the fundamentalists, people who are, you know, they believe, and they're willing to die for their beliefs, there's always a great deal of doubt, way more doubt with those people. | ||
How much fucking mental illness is there in this world? | ||
You know, it's something no one wants to bring up. | ||
No one wants to bring up, like, how much of believing in unbelievably ludicrous shit is a type of a mental illness. | ||
The first question, though, also is this. | ||
I mean, if you say, I believe in God, I actually think a better question initially is, what is God? | ||
First of all, how do you define God? | ||
Yeah, I mean, is God what they thought he was when they were riding on animal skins? | ||
Or can we define God as... | ||
There's obviously a better... | ||
Look, there's a way that feels good in this world, and there's a way that feels bad in this world. | ||
What feels bad? | ||
disease injury pain suffering violence crime stealing taking advantage of robbing that oh did you hear what that fuck did oh this guy got fucked over oh this guy got beat up look at this video fuck this guy got this that's obviously the worst way to go i mean we feel that right | ||
But positive is like, you see friendship, and you see happy kids playing, and you see people smiling because they enjoy their job. | ||
And sacrifice. | ||
Self-sacrifice and all those things. | ||
You see barbecues. | ||
You see prosperity and friendship and kinship. | ||
You see all this good stuff. | ||
And so, obviously, if you just live your life... | ||
More towards the good stuff. | ||
It's the most you can. | ||
That's like a godly life. | ||
The Greeks called it the rational life, right? | ||
That's what they called it. | ||
Is that what they called it? | ||
The rational life? | ||
In other words, as long as you stay within what would be considered the rational. | ||
But is that rational? | ||
That's what Roman law was kind of predicated on, right? | ||
So if you park your chariot in an area where they do in Carthage and you get a ticket and you go to the judge and you say, hey, Roman judge, in Carthage we park our chariots this way, and the Roman judge goes, okay, well, in Rome we do it this way, so try to do it that way. | ||
But this way you delineate the law. | ||
Then a man comes along, snatches a baby out of a woman's arm, and kidnaps it or kills it or something. | ||
And all of us go, and you go, well, no, we do that in Carthage. | ||
Well, what Roman law would say is, we don't, well, whether you do that in Carthage or not, doesn't matter because this is outside the bounds of rationality. | ||
This is outside the bounds of nature. | ||
This is an unnatural act. | ||
How could the Romans say that? | ||
unidentified
|
Cicero. | |
Cicero was the father of Roman law. | ||
Sword-fighting people and fucking each other in the ass. | ||
Well, because they also had a massive empire that had to be run according to a set of principles. | ||
You had to have something. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
That does make sense. | ||
But everybody's idea of what that is depends entirely upon what happened to them when they were young. | ||
It's what you're exposed to when you're really young. | ||
If you find out about the vast majority of people that commit horrific acts, Like, a good chunk of them had some serious trauma when they were young. | ||
Whether it was someone sexually molested them or someone abused them. | ||
There was a lot of abuse. | ||
There was something wrong. | ||
There's only a few of them that people can't figure out. | ||
Like, you know who's a big one that they have a hard time figuring out? | ||
Jeffrey Dahmer. | ||
Jeffrey Dahmer apparently had normal parents and shit. | ||
That sociopath gene, there's been so much research recently written on this. | ||
In fact, Barbara Oakley wrote a book called The Evil Genes. | ||
And they really looked at how different serial killer brains... | ||
They think that there is for sure something that goes on genetically with sociopaths like John Wayne Gacy and those kind of people. | ||
They actually... | ||
In many cases, you can actually tell they have a different brain than... | ||
Than do regular people. | ||
And there's a lot of science now about that. | ||
But that's the extreme, right? | ||
It completely makes sense. | ||
I mean, if you look at every body type there is, look at all the different flaws that people just are born with. | ||
Like me. | ||
I have vitiligos. | ||
I have spots where I don't grow any pigment around my knuckles. | ||
And bigger hands than Brennan's shop. | ||
Keep going. | ||
Yeah, I'm very... | ||
Giant hands! | ||
...unevolved. | ||
I've got a lot of issues. | ||
But that's probably not bad. | ||
I've got a lot of issues. | ||
That's probably not bad. | ||
It just gave me freaky bones. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
But the bad stuff is very minimal. | ||
You look at some bad stuff that people have, like we know people that are dead. | ||
We know people that had cancer and died. | ||
We know people that are born with degenerative arthritis. | ||
You know, Sean Rouse. | ||
That poor bastard. | ||
I mean, that poor bastard is always in pain. | ||
And he's a fucking funny dude, man. | ||
Rouse is funny as shit. | ||
He's really good. | ||
And the kid's always in pain. | ||
Every time you shake his hands, it's like, you know, you just want to be as gentle as you can. | ||
He's got a room in the toilet. | ||
Oh, it's bad, dude. | ||
It's bad. | ||
unidentified
|
He just got new knees, though. | |
Yeah, he had to get his knees replaced, man. | ||
Fuck, he's in his 30s. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Dude, he's, you know, he just, the genetic roll of the dice, he just, he got fucked. | ||
And so, my point was, there's so much variation, and like, you see people with dwarfism, you've seen people with gigantism, there's variation everywhere. | ||
It just would only make sense that there'd be variation in the structure of the actual brain itself. | ||
Some people are born with weak eyesight. | ||
Their eyesight sucks right out of the gate. | ||
The brain is a physical brain. | ||
I mean, there's no reason to believe that, you know, first of all, evolutionary biologists have come to the conclusion that our brains are different. | ||
I mean, you're not born a blank slate. | ||
Here's the big question. | ||
Here's the really big question. | ||
This is the one for everybody. | ||
This is a hard one. | ||
as medical science reaches a certain point where they understand the components of the brain far more clearly than they do now because like you know one of the themes that we've had on the show the last few days um i had this guy thaddeus russell on and um he was he was talking about how just like a hundred years or so ago the way people would look at certain races was radically different than the way they look at them now like Like in medical journals and shit. | ||
The way they would describe Irish was that they were basically like apes. | ||
They would do this in Harvard. | ||
It was a really fascinating conversation. | ||
We know now that's ridiculous. | ||
We know now that there's brilliant people from every single race. | ||
And the big part of it is what are you exposed to? | ||
What kind of genetics are you dealing with? | ||
And what kind of curiosity do you have in your family? | ||
How do you develop? | ||
How are you nurtured versus your nature? | ||
What makes a sprinter? | ||
Does that disqualify him from being a brilliant thinker? | ||
No, it doesn't. | ||
Those ideas are in the past. | ||
But if there was a way where they could examine your brain and go, well, this guy has no empathy. | ||
This guy completely lacks empathy and he gets an enjoyment out of torturing animals. | ||
If you could find someone like that. | ||
They're already doing that. | ||
And in fact, what they found is a lot of serial killers have underdeveloped amygdalas. | ||
So that almond shape, that part of the brain, I believe, that floods with serotonin, etc. | ||
And a lot of them have smaller than normal or they're damaged. | ||
And It's hard for... | ||
One of the things that they talk about with serial killers a lot of times is for them to feel is sometimes close to impossible. | ||
They've got to go to extremes. | ||
But sexual sadism and all that stuff is what they call... | ||
What this guy, the great famous profiler Richard Walter calls... | ||
A power excitement. | ||
Some people will kill you over power. | ||
They want to kill you. | ||
But when somebody's been torturing somebody, they get off on the act of killing. | ||
Not the killing, the act of killing. | ||
And those kinds of people, they think, have different brains. | ||
They just get off on the power, and they're not feeling any remorse. | ||
They get sexual pleasure from putting people in terrible pain. | ||
Here's the question. | ||
If they can spot that, I mean, how weird does the world get? | ||
Why are you going to let that guy live? | ||
We would all have to look at them like, it's no different, in my opinion, than having a vampire that lives in your neighborhood. | ||
If you had a vampire in your neighborhood and the vampire was constantly compelled to feed on human blood, how long would it take before everybody rallied the troops and stuck a fucking stake in that vampire's heart? | ||
It would take a day. | ||
That's a very good question. | ||
The first day. | ||
Now, if you found a way to absolutely identify a serial killer, like, this guy is a fucking serial killer. | ||
This guy just died. | ||
This is what's important to him. | ||
This is what he doesn't give a fuck about. | ||
This guy loves killing. | ||
He loves torturing. | ||
Get rid of him. | ||
Give a fuck. | ||
Yeah, you'd have to kill him. | ||
It'd be like having a vampire, right? | ||
I mean, wouldn't it be the same thing? | ||
Or it'd be another thing. | ||
How about this? | ||
By the same token, what you would have to say about somebody like that is they have brain damage. | ||
Their brains are damaged. | ||
They are not working like an irrational human being. | ||
So you want to fix it? | ||
Well, either you fix it or you categorically look at it the same way you would look at any kind of a birth defect or a handicap. | ||
What that means then is, what does that say about punitive punishment? | ||
Do you punish them or do you put them in a hospital and keep them in a padded room? | ||
That's the other question. | ||
Well, what kind of a life is that? | ||
I don't know. | ||
But whatever you do, let's just say that we can prove their brains are different. | ||
This is a physiological thing they have no control over. | ||
But at the end of the day, they have urges they have no control over. | ||
Say the way somebody who gambles really badly. | ||
Now what? | ||
Now, yes, they're killers. | ||
They're horrible. | ||
We want them dead. | ||
Frankly, it's a sick dog. | ||
Well, it's a human being. | ||
So what do we do then? | ||
What does that say about punitive punishment? | ||
Do you punish them, or do you put them in a hospital? | ||
You put them in a room with a very sensible John Wayne-like character who's going to say, why don't you guys step outside? | ||
And you hear, bang! | ||
He went for my gun. | ||
And then you go home. | ||
That's what happens. | ||
unidentified
|
I would agree. | |
You can't write a law like that though. | ||
Experiment on him is not a bad idea. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck using monkeys, use humans. | |
Yeah, but you can't write a law like that because it's not consistent. | ||
It's inconsistent with... | ||
How about this? | ||
Every time you experiment on him, you let him kill an asshole. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, kill another one. | |
You take a child molester, and every time the serial killer, you try some new birth control on him or something, every time you let him kill a child molester. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, Richard Walter, that FBI profiler, was the guy who came up with a double helix, whatever he called it, of how a serial killer. | ||
He interviewed 20,000 murderers or something like that. | ||
And what's really fascinating to hear him talk about how serial killers come to be. | ||
So how they start. | ||
And they start in really weird ways. | ||
Usually it starts with some kind of fetishism. | ||
Like rubbing up against somebody in a bus stop. | ||
Or they call it peakerism. | ||
Sometimes they'll find... | ||
Like when a cop hears about somebody who cut up a bunch of leather jackets in a store... | ||
Ooh. | ||
They'll go, hold on, we want to come in there and look at something. | ||
Because what Richard Walter would say, a lot of them who were into just cutting people, a lot of them started by going into department stores and doing terrible damage to all the fine leather by cutting with a very sharp scalpel. | ||
And they got off on the fact that first they could get caught, it's very expensive, they'd be in big trouble, but also it's the feeling of skin. | ||
So then what happens with serial killers, they said, is that you keep going and you keep needing a bigger and bigger fix. | ||
And you never go back from that. | ||
You never are able to reverse the perversion. | ||
So once they up the ante and up the ante until finally they kill... | ||
They're never going back. | ||
Never. | ||
That urge continues to come back more and more. | ||
That's what Ted Bundy would talk about. | ||
Well, one of the most terrifying ones was the Zodiac Killer because he was obviously super smart. | ||
He would write things in code. | ||
He would leave them messages to crack. | ||
He would also write letters to the victim's families. | ||
Yeah, and he never got caught. | ||
He never got caught. | ||
They don't know who that guy was. | ||
There's all these different fucking speculations. | ||
None of them, you know, seem to be 100%. | ||
They have some idea. | ||
Like, you know, people said, that was my dad. | ||
People said, I know the guy. | ||
But whoever the guy was, he had to be above average intelligence. | ||
Very, very smart. | ||
Which is fucking terrifying that someone could be very, very smart and just want to... | ||
And a sadist. | ||
Just want to fucking kill people. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And they're out there. | ||
I look at it as like, what is that book? | ||
Do you ever read The Demonic Mail about chimps? | ||
Actually, apes and how human beings are bipolar apes, capable of incredible kindness and incredible cruelty. | ||
And if you look at apes, they'll do that. | ||
Like, chimps will... | ||
Fucking kill each other and bite each other, but then they're incredibly caring other young sometimes. | ||
And we're a bipolar ape, you know? | ||
But that could have a genetic usefulness, apparently, like the variation in genes, one extreme to the other. | ||
One extreme being, I don't know, Mother Teresa, the other extreme being Jeffrey Dahmer. | ||
And we all kind of live somewhere in the middle, but geneticists will tell you that you need both extremes, you know, to create the mean. | ||
It's pretty fucking, you know, you start getting into the science, you're like, God damn it! | ||
When you start thinking about that, if you think about needing both sides, like, does that exist everywhere in the universe? | ||
Is there a hot and a cold? | ||
Is there always an evil and a grud? | ||
Does the evil make the good better? | ||
Does it make it feel better? | ||
I mean, is that a part of the whole thing? | ||
I think it would have to, right? | ||
You know, it's like we were talking about people who were born with Rory yesterday. | ||
Rory Albanese, hilarious guy. | ||
We were talking about people born into money. | ||
And that when people are born into money, they're never happy. | ||
They just can't do it. | ||
Because everything's always been handed to them. | ||
If they don't earn it, if you don't feel that struggle of being broke, I think you and I appreciate everything we've earned. | ||
Because when you were young, you can clearly remember that you were fucking trying to pay your bills and doing odd jobs. | ||
There was always longing. | ||
What kind of jobs did you do? | ||
You worked in a bank for a while. | ||
I worked in McDonald's. | ||
I worked construction for a summer in D.C. in the middle of the summer. | ||
Your story about working in a bank was so... | ||
Oh, God. | ||
16 months, dude. | ||
Waking up when it was still dark, putting on nylon socks. | ||
I literally... | ||
I thought I was going to die. | ||
I started to become... | ||
I started to dislike myself. | ||
I was being... | ||
I became... | ||
I wasn't even interested in what I was eating anymore. | ||
Dude. | ||
I became a bad person. | ||
But that's how you got out of it. | ||
Because your soul, whatever it was, was trying to tell you. | ||
I woke up from a nap and I panicked. | ||
I said, I have to be an actor. | ||
I ran into my friend's room. | ||
I go, okay, dude, I'm quitting everything. | ||
And that's what happened. | ||
I had a dream. | ||
You know, I'll tell you an amazing study. | ||
He's got a dream. | ||
I'll tell you an amazing study on your point. | ||
In the 1930s, they did this five-year study on Boston school children. | ||
And they took... | ||
Do you know the story? | ||
No, but I'll tell you right now, 80% of them are twats. | ||
No, really? | ||
Get off me, you little fuck. | ||
You might be right. | ||
Dicks and twats. | ||
But it's a really famous study that had far-reaching implications, which was they took two large groups, and for five years they gave one group a great deal of support. | ||
Money, psychological help, tutoring, coaches, and the other group they left completely alone. | ||
They came back 30 years later and looked at both groups. | ||
And the group that had five years of that kind of special attention was faring far. | ||
Far worse and had much higher levels of alcohol abuse than the other because the other group had to rely on this, become self-reliant. | ||
And that required all the other things. | ||
Now, you have to be careful because sometimes you can damage somebody, but certainly self-reliance and not learning helplessness, but learning the opposite is so fucking important. | ||
Well, it's there right in front of our eyes. | ||
We just want to ignore it. | ||
Like, what did you just say? | ||
You have to be careful with the stress because you could damage somebody. | ||
Well, that's like analogous to working out. | ||
Like, yeah, you could hurt yourself working out, but if your idea is to just stay a piece of veal in a room that's padded so that your body doesn't ever move and get injured or get strong as shit... | ||
So that, you know, you could do a lot of things with your body. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, would you rather, like, not be in pain all the time and not, like, feel your body deteriorating? | ||
Right. | ||
You know, I don't mean sore from working out. | ||
I mean, like, when you have nothing, you have no muscle, everything is just mush and goo, and slowly gravity starts pulling you towards the bottom. | ||
Well, that's what happens if you don't ever risk exercising. | ||
The same thing with your brain. | ||
You build neural pathways in your brain. | ||
You can literally build them. | ||
Yeah, I would think that with everything in this world, you can either resist and then grow stronger because of resisting, or never resist and have this apathetic way of approaching whatever the fuck it is you're doing. | ||
Everything you do is hard to do. | ||
Everybody's like, oh, you know what's really hard? | ||
Making watches. | ||
You know what's really hard? | ||
Everything that's done well. | ||
That's right, man. | ||
That's what's really hard. | ||
That's so true. | ||
Everything that's done well. | ||
That's so true. | ||
That's why that fucking Jiro Dreams of Sushi movie is so fucking interesting. | ||
Amazing. | ||
Because who gives a fuck? | ||
The guy's just making sushi. | ||
So what did you try to get me to watch that? | ||
His parents didn't like him, remember? | ||
Yeah. | ||
He said, my parents didn't like me. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's what drives him. | ||
He looked like he was going to cry when he was 90. What was that expression that they use? | ||
What's that expression they use where a guy who's just a complete master at something? | ||
I forget what the expression was. | ||
Maestro? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
It was a Japanese expression that they were using to describe how this guy who had worked so meticulously on creating this egg dish. | ||
Remember he was making that egg dish for like a year? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And he just couldn't get it right? | ||
And one day the guy, you know, said you got it right and then gave him this Japanese... | ||
See if you can find it. | ||
Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
Yeah. | ||
From the movie Jiro Dreams of Sushi. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It was one of his apprentices who just kept throwing the custard away and finally got it right. | ||
They have this weird egg dish that they make and it has to be perfect. | ||
It's like I'm not sure how they're doing it but eventually after a year this guy got it right and he was so happy he said he cried. | ||
unidentified
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Shokunin. | |
Shokunin, yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Shokunin? | |
What is it? | ||
What is the definition? | ||
Is it like a Wikipedia definition? | ||
What does it say? | ||
Shokunin. | ||
Shokunin. | ||
Here, I'll Google it. | ||
Spell it. | ||
S-H-O-K-U-N-I-N. K-U-N-I-N. Okay. | ||
Shokunin. | ||
The Japanese word Shokunin. | ||
Okay. | ||
Literally translated, artists and craftsmen who feel deep obligation... | ||
It's why I don't like political correctness because I think it's a lie. | ||
We live in a culture that is always telling you you have to feel good. | ||
And I think anything worth it, it takes exactly what you're talking about. | ||
Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to feel good. | ||
I think the real issue with political correctness is that it avoids intent and it ignores the complex subtleties of human communication. | ||
It ignores the reality that one person can say something How about this? | ||
You can say something one time and it's offensive. | ||
And you can say the same thing when you're in a better mood and a better situation. | ||
And it's hilarious. | ||
You could be in the wrong state of mind when you say it. | ||
Or you could say it clumsily and people don't accept it. | ||
You could say it after something that people might think it's insensitive if you said it and they're not willing to go along on the ride with you. | ||
Or you could say that same thing in front of the same people in a different circumstance and they could howl laughing. | ||
I think you're the funniest guy ever. | ||
I can't believe you said that. | ||
Oh my god, he's so crazy. | ||
Political correctness applies as you apply it to humor. | ||
The big issue, the number one issue is that humor is almost always about something you didn't expect or something you can relate to. | ||
And both of those things, something you can relate to, you're telling me you can't relate to racist stuff? | ||
Look, there's certain amount of racist stuff that's fucking hilarious, including racist stuff against white people. | ||
When Richard Pryor used to do that, you know, oh, your mom a motherfucker. | ||
My mom, she's a great old gal. | ||
That is a racist joke. | ||
That's making fun of white people that are goofy. | ||
You can't even, oh, your mom a motherfucker. | ||
You can't even say that to them at work. | ||
Right. | ||
I mean, that's racist. | ||
Is it? | ||
Or is it racial? | ||
Is it only racist if a white person does it? | ||
And racial if a black person does it? | ||
I mean, what is it? | ||
It's a type of humor. | ||
Yeah, well, there's, I guess, the difference between racism and bigotry. | ||
Bigotry is an individual thing, right? | ||
So I'm bigoted. | ||
You can be bigoted against fat people or whatever. | ||
Whereas racism, just the definition of... | ||
Applies to the institution of racism. | ||
So that's why it was always used more sensitively to black people in this country, at least, because when you live in a racist society, the institutions themselves are stacked against you because they are racist. | ||
Well, that's why you can't have a white pride shirt, but you can have a brown pride shirt if you're Mexican, or Cain Velasquez with his tattoo. | ||
That's right. | ||
Like Roy Nelson joked around like he fought Cain Velasquez and had a white pride tattoo on his chest like the brown pride on Cain's chest. | ||
What would anybody be able to do? | ||
I mean, there's something to that, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
But there's not because, of course, no one owned white people. | ||
There wasn't a bunch of white people that were kidnapped over in Iceland and thrown onto a fucking slave ship and dragged over to America. | ||
Your text was so funny about, I don't know if I can even say it, but when I was like, they're honoring women in film. | ||
Can I say it? | ||
Yeah, say it. | ||
And you were like, women in film? | ||
Haven't women always been in film? | ||
And then you go, what if they honored white men in film? | ||
I wonder what would happen then. | ||
I wonder what kind of an uproar that would be. | ||
If you had a thing honoring men in film, especially white men. | ||
Because you could do black men. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Black men in film, that would be like a real black tie affair. | ||
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
You would go there and dress in your best. | ||
Right. | ||
Put on your shiniest shoes. | ||
But what I said was, you said it's women in film. | ||
Aren't women in every movie? | ||
Right. | ||
They're basically in every movie. | ||
How many movies don't have women? | ||
Well, they all have. | ||
unidentified
|
It's very rare. | |
Haven't they always been in movies, always, and forever? | ||
I was like, yeah, they have. | ||
I mean, yeah, they've done some awesome shit. | ||
I don't have a problem. | ||
This is my issue. | ||
I don't have a problem with them honoring women in film at all. | ||
I have no problem. | ||
I point out, like, what if they wanted to do white men in film? | ||
Because I know that there would be a massive outrage. | ||
I accept the fact that people want to honor only women in film. | ||
I accept the fact that I bet for women, it's pretty fucking frustrating sometimes, because I bet a lot of movies that women go to are just not geared for women. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
There's a lot of movies like, if you go and see Transformers, that's probably geared towards anybody. | ||
They probably cut that bitch right down the middle with stats and graphs and they probably did phone calls and fucking brought in people to analyze it. | ||
They probably cut that bitch right down the middle, men and women. | ||
They probably give you just enough mushy bullshit so that women go goo-goo for it. | ||
unidentified
|
But my girlfriend would say, ugh, if I go, hey, let's watch Transformers. | |
That would be her reaction. | ||
What the hell's your girlfriend? | ||
She's smart. | ||
What they were honoring is the fact that it's... | ||
Okay, like The Deer Hunter. | ||
Like, here's a movie, The Deer Hunter. | ||
It's a fucked up movie, man. | ||
Chicks don't want to see a movie where it's... | ||
And they got the fucking gun by the head, and you know he's eventually going to shoot himself, and they're playing Russian roulette. | ||
I became an actor because of that scene, but keep going. | ||
It's a fucking amazing movie. | ||
If you've never seen The Deer Hunter, it's one of those movies from the 70s. | ||
What is it, like 71 or something like that? | ||
It won Best Picture in 1978, I believe. | ||
Was it that late? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Oh, wow. | ||
Why did I think it was way... | ||
Either way, it's from an era where a lot of the movies don't hold up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Those 70s movies, man, some of them are tough to watch. | ||
Not the fucking Deer Hunter. | ||
Holy shit, that's a good movie. | ||
That was so beyond anything at the time. | ||
unidentified
|
Shocking. | |
That scene. | ||
Shocking. | ||
When he shoots himself in the head and grabs him. | ||
No! | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
Jesus. | ||
Heartbreaking. | ||
Fucking Christ. | ||
When I saw that, I was at an age where I just, first of all, I took movies seriously, and second of all, I never got over that. | ||
I was just like, I don't know what that is. | ||
That movie was incredible. | ||
That was Robert De Niro when he was a motherfucker. | ||
unidentified
|
The greatest. | |
The greatest at that point. | ||
And Christopher Walken when he was a motherfucker. | ||
I mean, he's still a motherfucker. | ||
Christopher Walken, you give him a good role, he's still a motherfucker. | ||
He still carries this creepy power to him. | ||
I watched the awesome scene from Pulp Fiction. | ||
No, true romance from True Romance. | ||
Yeah, that's the great scene. | ||
That's the greatest scene. | ||
I didn't really like the scene in Pulp Fiction. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, I did. | |
I was like, I get it. | ||
The watch was up your ass. | ||
Oh, I loved it. | ||
I didn't buy it for some reason. | ||
I loved the movie, but I'm like, that scene is like, come on, get out of here with this watch. | ||
I know I get it. | ||
It's up your ass. | ||
You know? | ||
I don't know. | ||
For whatever reason, it didn't work for me. | ||
But him and True Romance. | ||
You know who I am, Mr. Wally? | ||
I'm the Antichrist. | ||
You got me in a vanity kind of mood. | ||
We're going to do a little Q&A. At the risk of sounding redundant, try to make your answers genuine. | ||
It was so creepy when he did it, too, because the words, the tone, it's a very originally Christopher Walken type of delivery. | ||
I'd never, I couldn't believe that scene. | ||
I was like, what? | ||
We said, we're doing a little pantomime. | ||
It's the pantomime. | ||
Guy gives himself 17, whatever it is, 17 different movements. | ||
The girl's 21. But anyway, he just goes through this whole weird, it's like, who wrote this? | ||
But then he did that fucking Pool Hustlers movie. | ||
Pool Hall Junkies. | ||
People tried to tell me that was good. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
I didn't see it. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
It's fucking awful. | ||
And there's this scene, the lion in the jungle. | ||
It's not a good scene. | ||
Everybody told me he gives this great speech. | ||
I'm like, oh, that movie is dog shit. | ||
People still recommend it. | ||
That movie was awesome. | ||
King of New York was great, too, when he gives this speech. | ||
He was amazing in that. | ||
The problem with that pool hall movie is no one could really play pool. | ||
They're all, like, whacking balls around and shit. | ||
They're not really playing pool. | ||
You can't have a movie where you don't even teach the guy how to play pool. | ||
It's got to look at least a little bit like you can actually play pool. | ||
This is offensive. | ||
And it's just like, come on. | ||
It's so goofy. | ||
The guy who doesn't want to get the job. | ||
Why do you like pool so much? | ||
I have no idea. | ||
I learned it at a formative age. | ||
It helped me transfer a lot of focus and energy that I probably would have put into bad places. | ||
Man, you're good. | ||
You ran a table, I think, three times. | ||
Me and Shaw were like, just ran a table three times. | ||
This guy... | ||
I play a lot. | ||
I got this table right here. | ||
It's a stupid thing to get good at. | ||
I totally freely admit it. | ||
People go, yeah, you mock golf, but you play pool. | ||
Dude, I mock everything. | ||
I mock my own family. | ||
Don't play golf, because you'll get... | ||
Yeah, don't play golf. | ||
I mock everybody. | ||
I mock myself. | ||
I mock you. | ||
I mock me. | ||
I mock golf. | ||
I mock every fucking thing there is. | ||
I mock... | ||
Pink ribbons for breast cancer and walking for AIDS. I mock it all. | ||
Everything's mockable. | ||
Birds. | ||
Birds can suck my dick. | ||
Every one of them. | ||
I mock birds. | ||
They insult me with their freedoms. | ||
I'm down with mocking birds. | ||
unidentified
|
Get it? | |
Come on, man. | ||
Yeah, I mean, I think the more I can laugh, the better. | ||
And I find the happier I am. | ||
Like, I was listening to Jim Norton on the radio today on the Opie and Anthony show. | ||
He's telling a story, him and Jim Florentine, about how Jim Norton was jerking off in the backseat of his car while they were driving home from a gig. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
No. | ||
He had met a girl and he was so excited. | ||
It was so funny, I was fucking crying laughing. | ||
unidentified
|
Why? | |
Because he had met her and he wanted to jerk off before he got together with her or what? | ||
No, no. | ||
He met her and it didn't work out. | ||
He hooked up with her, like, you know, maybe like, she touched him or something like that. | ||
And then he had to go. | ||
And he was so fired up that he had to jerk off. | ||
So he jerked off in the car, in the backseat. | ||
And they were telling this story. | ||
It was fucking hilarious. | ||
And they were telling the story how they were busting each other's balls. | ||
And it was genuinely enjoyable for both them and for me. | ||
It's like, it's fun. | ||
Listen. | ||
But people don't, you know, there's some people that just can't handle it. | ||
I want to be laughing or learning. | ||
Everything else in the middle is like boring. | ||
I guess I'll eat and sleep, but over there all... | ||
People have a problem with being stupid. | ||
I love being stupid. | ||
But they have a problem with it. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
People don't like being mocked because a lot of times when they're being mocked, there's no humor to it. | ||
Or if there is a humor, it's a very mean humor. | ||
Like there's some humor that's just not funny. | ||
But it goes back to that same thing about politically correct. | ||
Can we laugh at it? | ||
Every academic I have on my podcast, you know I love having all the academics... | ||
Every single one of them, every single one of them basically says to me, what kills me is how politically correct I have to be in my classroom. | ||
If I'm not, I could get in huge trouble. | ||
So if you're a Harvard-Yale faculty, you better be speaking for everyone, including... | ||
Polynesian tribes and, you know, I mean, it doesn't matter, man. | ||
If you say anything, if you even say, it's just unbelievable, man. | ||
And that's the number one complaint I hear from all these people. | ||
Right, okay, but here's the big question. | ||
This is sort of the question that I had with Thaddeus Russell and we talked about it yesterday with Rory, too. | ||
Is this a sign of some sort of social progress that we're, like, springing back so far the other way that it's just, it's rebounding, like, some of the lost ground that was... | ||
Given up when they had things like separate fucking fountains for men, when women could get raped and no one would do anything about it, when cops would literally ask someone, what were you wearing when you got raped? | ||
I mean, all the different things that have happened, all the different times that people have been Homophobic or you know outwardly sexist both from towards men and towards women that the bigger the reaction that like is happening now like this this big blowback this big politically correct left-wing progressive push that maybe it's just like the waves of the ocean like we were talking about earlier the yin and the yang that you need the evil to have the good and you sometimes you need the good to just blow the fuck up so even the evil is like okay I | ||
think the answer is yes, that the wave is pushing in the other direction. | ||
It's a good direction. | ||
It's a good direction. | ||
However, you've got to make sure it doesn't become its own form of tyranny, and it doesn't get in the way of the truth. | ||
Also, you have to realize that some people, they use an ideology to get out their aggression. | ||
And they can choose to decide that it's relevant or justified. | ||
And in doing so, what they are is stressed out, fucked up people who have a lot of tension in their lives. | ||
And they have a cause. | ||
And they find a cause that they agree with. | ||
That makes intellectual sense and then is supported by other people and then they aggressively pursue that cause. | ||
The point of calling people out and being nasty and vicious. | ||
What are they really doing though? | ||
I'll tell you what they're really doing. | ||
They're using a cause to be an asshole. | ||
Why? | ||
Because they're assholes. | ||
They're assholes that support a good idea, and they're doing it totally the wrong way. | ||
And in doing so the wrong way and being super aggressive and asshole-ish, what you're doing is you're strengthening up the resistance to that. | ||
So if you're asshole-ish in a right-wing sort of a way, you're going to make a bunch of asshole left-wing people that are forced to deal with your bullshit. | ||
But consequently, if you're asshole-ish from a left-wing point of view, and you want everything politically correct, And it's not freshmen. | ||
It's fresh people. | ||
I mean, you're dealing with that kind of shit, which is stupid nonsense. | ||
I'll give you an amazing example of this. | ||
And it became a fierce, fierce debate. | ||
You alright? | ||
No. | ||
Fucking terrible. | ||
The Sally Swing. | ||
Oh, for heaven's sake. | ||
He spilled his coffee everywhere. | ||
I didn't spill it anywhere. | ||
I actually kept the coffee in my hand. | ||
There it is. | ||
Not bad. | ||
Not bad. | ||
But it was my Sally swing chair, which I love, is on some serious rollers. | ||
Very good. | ||
I got it. | ||
It was very little coffee. | ||
But this is a classic example of one of the biggest debates, intellectual debates, period. | ||
This chair's ridiculous. | ||
It used to be that everybody would talk about human beings, and it was sort of married to a Marxist ideology, the idea that human beings start at zero. | ||
We are all a blank slate. | ||
So every child is a blank slate, and whatever you socially put on it, So who says boys should play with guns? | ||
They should also be given dolls and will make the world a better place and men won't be as aggressive and aggression is learned. | ||
It isn't inherent and innate. | ||
That was the dogma. | ||
And then a bunch of evolutionary scientists started doing a lot of work, like Steven Pinker. | ||
Stephen Pinker wrote a book called The Blank Slate, and a large part of the book chronicles when the evolutionary biologist who studied, for example, the Yanomano that take up tens of thousands of miles in the Amazon basin, the men that had killed more in battle sired more children, had more wives. | ||
And when that anthropologist came back with that and said, I'm studying indigenous cultures here, where aggression not only seems to be natural, because I'm not exposed to the Western ideas of what aggression is, but they fight all the time. | ||
They have a lot of tribal warfare. | ||
It also, when they come back to their tribes, it also seems to be that they are more attractive to females. | ||
Well, when he came back and said that, the people that had held the blank slate theory went crazy and attacked all those guys, attacked that guy and a number of other people. | ||
They attacked them personally, called them liars, they're fudging their data and everything else. | ||
Of course, now we know, with Steven Pinker's work and these guys, and almost all evolutionary biologists agree, that you are born, people are born, like we were talking about, with different proclivities, but human beings, pretty much every culture we've ever studied, they fight. | ||
Aggression is human. | ||
But here's the deal. | ||
It's malleable. | ||
Human beings are malleable. | ||
Yes, they have tendencies that tend to be exhibited in their relatives, and especially in their family. | ||
And we've known that with dogs forever. | ||
The fact that we think that it doesn't exist in humans when it exists so clearly in dogs, like Joe, the guy I bought Johnny from, the Mastiff, He won't breed a dog if it's aggressive to people. | ||
He won't let it breed. | ||
He'll fix them. | ||
He'll fix the male, and if it's a female, he'll get her fixed too. | ||
If they exhibit any aggression towards people, done. | ||
Any aggression towards dogs, not interested. | ||
Not interested. | ||
Won't let them breed. | ||
You've met my dog. | ||
He's the sweetest dog ever. | ||
He's so nice. | ||
He's just so gentle. | ||
My four-year-old would play with him, and he's a fucking dog. | ||
unidentified
|
Big dog. | |
But I never worry about him. | ||
He's super chill. | ||
But then you say human beings who've had to scratch and crawl, fight and hunt just for existence. | ||
You don't think that aggression is going to be an evolutionary necessity? | ||
It is. | ||
Well, how about dogs? | ||
How about the dog that you used to have? | ||
Gamebred. | ||
Exactly. | ||
That crazy dog that killed like a fucking dozen goats. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Two goats, a baby cow, and broke the legs of a grandfather. | ||
And what was up with that dog? | ||
Well, that dog was being bred for fighting. | ||
That dog was a whirlwind. | ||
That dog couldn't wait to get its teeth on something. | ||
That's what it lived for. | ||
It was hypercharged. | ||
It was like it was on 10 all the time. | ||
I loved that dog. | ||
I'd go over here, and it was a little dog, too. | ||
That's what people don't realize about pit bulls. | ||
Skinny beagle. | ||
The real pit bulls, they used to fight them, where they apparently still do in parts of the country. | ||
They're like 35 pounds. | ||
That's a big one. | ||
They're small dogs. | ||
Yep. | ||
The big ones get tired, apparently. | ||
Those big dogs, it's just like UFC fighters. | ||
See those big dogs that are like those super monster pit bulls? | ||
They would never fight those. | ||
They fight the little ones. | ||
Except for Tim Kennedy. | ||
He seems never to get tired. | ||
Tim Kennedy seems to just grind you down. | ||
He's a fucking tough prick. | ||
He's a tough prick. | ||
What did you think about that? | ||
I'm sorry to jump over now. | ||
No, it's okay. | ||
For folks who don't know what we're talking about, Yoel Romero, who is this... | ||
Stud wrestler from Cuba. | ||
Two-time world champion. | ||
Yeah, he's won. | ||
He said he's won a medal in every single wrestling tournament he entered, pretty much. | ||
I mean, he medaled. | ||
He was a silver medalist in the Olympics. | ||
He medaled in the World Cup. | ||
I mean, he's a fucking freak wrestler. | ||
Cale Sanderson was one of the greatest amateur wrestlers of all time. | ||
Yoel Romero beat him twice. | ||
Twice. | ||
unidentified
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Twice. | |
I mean, he is that much of a freak when you see him in the octagon. | ||
I almost wish, because he's only 37 years old, I almost wish we got him when he was 27. God. | ||
You know, I mean, God, 10 years of that guy in MMA. But it was hard for him to get over from Cuba to America. | ||
But he fought this guy, Tim Kennedy, and for the first round, he was beating that ass. | ||
He was beating Tim Kennedy's ass. | ||
It was just speed, and it was connection. | ||
Every time he would hit Kennedy, but Kennedy's so fucking tough. | ||
Kennedy's so fucking tough. | ||
His strategy was just to make this guy work, to stay there, hang in there, gas him out, and so he starts attacking in the second round, and you see Romero breaking. | ||
You see him slowly start to get exhausted, and Kennedy is just working him, constantly working him, constantly making him breathe, and then at the end of the round, he cracks him. | ||
But if you didn't see the controversy on Kennedy's side, there's a video of Kennedy holding Romero's glove. | ||
Pull this video up. | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
Kennedy holds Romero's glove. | ||
Oh boy. | ||
But there's an animated GIF that probably would show it just as good. | ||
It's hard to look at and be objective about it, because if you look at just the instance where he's grabbing the glove, it clearly looks like he's cheating and he's landing a couple punches while he's holding onto the inside of someone's glove so they can't use their arm. | ||
But when you watch it in real time, in the full context of the fight, you realize it was a fraction of a second. | ||
And there was haymakers being thrown. | ||
He was holding on to his arm, and it so happened that for not even a second, he had his hand inside the glove. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
But that's just a photograph. | ||
You want to see the animated GIF. Because the animated GIF, he goes from that, which is he's holding the wrist where the glove is, which is totally acceptable, to as he's punching, for a brief moment his fingers went in there. | ||
But then after that is when he connected with some pretty big shots at the end of the round. | ||
Honestly, I looked at it a few times very objectively. | ||
Let's play it again. | ||
Play it again from the beginning. | ||
Oh, that's a split second. | ||
He's just fighting it. | ||
I mean, not only that, this is all in slow motion. | ||
It's a split second in slow motion. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So let's see it again. | ||
See? | ||
Grab. | ||
Boom. | ||
It's like not even a second. | ||
It got caught, I think. | ||
It looks like he was sliding down. | ||
He was in the middle of fucking combat. | ||
That's what was going on. | ||
He was a beast right there, just swinging. | ||
Look at how tough he is. | ||
He's got it. | ||
He's got a hold of the glove. | ||
Man, I don't know. | ||
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Yeah, that looks like he's holding onto it. | |
It looks like, but the problem is it's happening in slow motion. | ||
It looks like he slid down. | ||
See if we can find it. | ||
Well, he definitely slid down. | ||
But one, two, I want to know how, see the thing is though, in the real fight, I don't even know if that was like, he realized he was holding it and he let go. | ||
I mean, how much time was he holding it? | ||
Let's see if you can find the real video. | ||
He's swinging right now. | ||
He doesn't care. | ||
See, forget about this, because this is not even half speed. | ||
We need to find the real video. | ||
Find the real video so we can look at it in real time. | ||
But look, I was calling it. | ||
I didn't notice it. | ||
Right. | ||
If I noticed it, I would have definitely said something. | ||
I thought that... | ||
It's a very short time, even in slow motion. | ||
What was way more fucked up was that Romero was sitting on a stool in between rounds. | ||
They didn't make him stand up. | ||
They didn't take his stool away. | ||
There was 29 seconds between the end of the second round when he was fucking on Queer Street. | ||
He was on the corner of Queer Street and Queer Boulevard. | ||
He was right there. | ||
He got fucking rocked, man. | ||
He walked back to his corner like a drunk. | ||
That 30 seconds is giant. | ||
Whose fault is that? | ||
Well, you know, they said, like Tim Kenney was saying, his corner put too much Vaseline on him. | ||
See, that's what's wrong, because it's not the corners that use the Vaseline. | ||
It's the UFC cut men that use the Vaseline. | ||
And so, the UFC assigns cut men. | ||
We use the same cut men for every event. | ||
Impartial. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Impartial cut, man. | ||
I mean, they certainly have friends, and I'm not saying it's impossible that someone would leave extra grease on, but I think they left the extra grease on his eye because he had a giant cut. | ||
I saw his cut, man. | ||
His cut was huge. | ||
Right. | ||
Huge cut where his eyebrow was. | ||
Like a good solid inch and a half long. | ||
It was a big fucking cut. | ||
And it was bleeding. | ||
And so they stopped the blood and they put the Vaseline on it. | ||
But that's just what they do. | ||
The thing was, John recognized the Vaseline and started talking about the Vaseline. | ||
Mostly because Romero was still on the stool and people were still in there. | ||
So he was correcting them already. | ||
He was saying, you gotta get out! | ||
unidentified
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Get out! | |
Second's out! | ||
Let's go! | ||
He's got too much Vaseline on. | ||
Like, if Romero was standing up, they might have said there was too much Vaseline on, and it would have taken two seconds for them to wipe it off. | ||
Turn towards him. | ||
Good. | ||
Okay, fight. | ||
Like, a few seconds. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But he still sat on that stool. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He sat on that stool. | ||
Just sat there. | ||
He knows there. | ||
Tim Kennedy's in front of him going, what the fuck? | ||
Get up! | ||
Like, what's going on? | ||
And he's still just sitting on the stool. | ||
That... | ||
Should be it. | ||
John should have called the fight right there. | ||
You can't just sit on the stool. | ||
Why didn't you take the stool out? | ||
This guy doesn't... | ||
But he doesn't want to do that. | ||
See, because if he does that, then the fight doesn't go on. | ||
And everybody misses the finality of the knockout. | ||
And they get mad at him now. | ||
unidentified
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They get mad at him! | |
Yeah, they're like, John, why did you... | ||
Tim Kennedy was going to knock him the fuck out! | ||
You saved that guy! | ||
That's bullshit! | ||
That's right. | ||
I think it's good that John wanted to, he knew we wanted to see more fights. | ||
Absolutely. | ||
Don't rob us of the fighting, John. | ||
But you can't let that happen. | ||
And it's like, you don't expect it to happen. | ||
But I guess you have to be diligent with A, some corners who they know, they know how to fucking get their way out of a situation. | ||
They know that they can... | ||
Look, Angelo Dundee was one of the greatest trainers of all time. | ||
And when Henry Cooper was fighting Ali, Henry Cooper cracked Ali with a left hook. | ||
He had a vicious left hook. | ||
Ali's legs gave out and he fucking crumpled. | ||
And in between rounds, Angelo Dundee realized that Ali was out, so he cut his gloves off. | ||
Is this in real time? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Okay, let's see it in real time. | ||
Back it up a little bit. | ||
Because that's... | ||
Yeah, that's good. | ||
unidentified
|
This is just a highlight reel. | |
Oh, okay. | ||
Let's see if we can see that in the highlight reel. | ||
Boy, what's up with YouTube? | ||
unidentified
|
It's mostly this laptop. | |
Is it really? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Hold on a second. | ||
Well, now that we have those new things, can we not use the laptop now that we have the new connection, Jamie? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
It's different. | ||
Alright, well fix that, man. | ||
Tell me what to do and fix that. | ||
I'm tired of that stupid laptop. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, this laptop sucks. | |
This laptop's bullshit. | ||
Bullshit. | ||
It's funny, man. | ||
Laptops of a couple years ago, they just don't want to deal with all the new shit. | ||
You're a techie. | ||
What about the iPhone 6? | ||
I'm not a real techie. | ||
No. | ||
Do you have the iPhone 6? | ||
I'm a tech fanboy. | ||
I'm a fanboy-esque. | ||
Yeah, that's true. | ||
But I don't really know much. | ||
Here we go. | ||
Real life. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's holding on. | |
Yeah, that's real. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's real time? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
But it looks like he slid down and caught the glove. | ||
He definitely did, but he was definitely holding the glove. | ||
In real time. | ||
But again, did he realize he was doing it? | ||
There's an argument that could be made that he didn't realize he was doing it, but there's also an argument that could be made that he had to know when he's doing it. | ||
But he's fucking in full animal frenzy here. | ||
There's a difference between that and not getting up off the stool. | ||
Getting up off a stool is totally 100% calculated. | ||
There's no animal frenzy at all. | ||
unidentified
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That's like two and a half punches, though. | |
Yep. | ||
No, it's totally legit. | ||
You're just moving forward. | ||
I mean, if you wanted to time it, it might have been a second. | ||
I don't think that was a strategy, though. | ||
I don't think he was like, I'm going to grab that glove. | ||
It doesn't feel like that. | ||
It feels like he reaches for the hand. | ||
Yeah, it's enough time to know... | ||
That he's holding it, and then he lets it go. | ||
See, he's holding onto it, boom. | ||
Yeah, but the first one was no. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
The first one he's holding where the glove is. | ||
That's legal. | ||
You're allowed to hold the glove. | ||
What you're not allowed to do is this, Brian. | ||
Put your fingers inside the glove. | ||
So you're misjudging it. | ||
So you're saying he's holding it for a bunch of punches, but that's not the case. | ||
Because he's holding the glove in the beginning. | ||
See, he's holding the wrist in the glove. | ||
Then, as Romero's trying to pull away, some of the fingers go into the glove for a second. | ||
But you're incorrect if you think that it's illegal to hold the gloves. | ||
So I think that's one of the reasons why people think this is more egregious than it is. | ||
I don't think it is at all. | ||
If he knew what he was doing, it was one second less than that. | ||
If he knew what he was doing, it is illegal. | ||
It's illegal what he did, for sure. | ||
And it is in the middle of this fucking battle royale moment where he's connected. | ||
You know, only he knows whether or not he knew what he was doing. | ||
I would imagine when you're a fighter and you're in that wild scramble for your life against a stud like Yoel Romero, you're probably in a pure animal state, just reacting on instincts. | ||
You've been smashed in the head who knows how many fucking times in that first round and in the second round. | ||
I mean, Romero cracked him with some big shots, and he's a spooky striker. | ||
And then at the end, he knocked him out. | ||
I think Romero Romero sitting on the stool like that is a way bigger controversy than... | ||
Well, Romero knew that the round was over. | ||
He knew the round was over. | ||
He knew he was getting an extra break. | ||
100%. | ||
1,000 million percent. | ||
He was sitting there. | ||
Kennedy was in front of him saying, what's going on? | ||
Get up! | ||
Get up! | ||
And he still just sat there. | ||
Yep. | ||
I mean, that extra 29 seconds was fucking gigantic. | ||
Because after this is over... | ||
This fucking combination. | ||
unidentified
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Boom! | |
Boom! | ||
And look at this one. | ||
unidentified
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Bam! | |
Bam! | ||
That last left. | ||
And that right hand afterwards. | ||
And another one. | ||
Dude, Romero can take it like almost nobody I've ever seen. | ||
He fought Derrick Brunson. | ||
Derrick Brunson head kicked him clean. | ||
Switch kick to the head. | ||
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
He ate it like it was candy. | ||
Didn't even buckle. | ||
So unbelievable. | ||
Dude, it was crazy. | ||
Built for war. | ||
Totally built for war. | ||
Dude, he got chinned on the neck and just ate it like it was nothing. | ||
It's so ridiculous. | ||
Dude, it's so ridiculous. | ||
Because I remember watching that fight. | ||
I don't believe I called that fight. | ||
I think that was a Kenny Florian fight. | ||
But I think I was watching at home going, Get the fuck out of here! | ||
How did that guy get hit with that? | ||
He just ate it. | ||
Different human being. | ||
But he didn't even stumble. | ||
Like, whack! | ||
What? | ||
He looks as close to a superhero as you get. | ||
I mean, you don't get more feet out. | ||
It's just ridiculous. | ||
Dude, there's a picture of Romero with Hector Lombard and Tiago Alves. | ||
unidentified
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I've seen it. | |
It's the most preposterous picture. | ||
They're so ridiculously muscular. | ||
What kind of genes are you dealing with? | ||
These gladiator genes that these three guys have. | ||
Even Tiago looks somewhat diminutive next to those guys. | ||
Next to Lombard. | ||
He looks like a normal dude almost, and Tiago's far from it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It was unbelievable, man. | ||
Next to Romero and Lombard. | ||
There's something about them Cuban jeans, man. | ||
Yeah, that's a different... | ||
Cuban jeans are something else. | ||
That's a different thing. | ||
And oh, by the way, you've been throwing dudes around your whole life. | ||
Yeah. | ||
On a high level. | ||
Well, there was that boxer from the 1970s. | ||
I believe his name was Teofilo Stevenson. | ||
Stevens or Stevenson? | ||
But they always wanted him to fight Ali. | ||
They always wanted to get him from Cuba. | ||
He was like this amateur who'd win all the amateur tournaments. | ||
And everybody was like, this ain't fair because Americans get to a certain level. | ||
They're amateurs. | ||
They get to a certain level, they turn pro. | ||
But the Cubans never turn pro. | ||
So they're always amateurs. | ||
But they're being paid by Cuba. | ||
So you got these guys who are in their late 30s who've been boxing their whole life fighting 18-year-old kids and just lighting them up. | ||
And that's what you had with the Cuban boxing team. | ||
Everybody would say, oh, the Cuban boxing team's the best. | ||
Look, without a doubt, they're very skillful. | ||
Very skillful. | ||
But recognize that they're competing far longer as amateurs than anyone in America. | ||
I mean, that's just what it was. | ||
So when the Americans were still winning, like in the 76 Olympics and Mark Breland and Pernell Whitaker and Meldrick Taylor. | ||
Was that 76 or was that Roy? | ||
No. | ||
76 was Ray Leonard. | ||
That was 88. I think it was 88. I think it was 88. I think it was 88. Two or 80-80, 1980 or... | ||
Mark Breland was... | ||
Mark Breland Olympics. | ||
Yeah, that wasn't 88, was it? | ||
Was it? | ||
I don't think so. | ||
Whatever happened to Mark Breland? | ||
He's coaching people now. | ||
Huh. | ||
Yeah, he... | ||
1984. Oh, okay. | ||
Gold medal in the 1984 Olympics. | ||
Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker. | ||
But the point is, those were all kids. | ||
Those were all kids that took on, in some countries, like when you're facing Cuban boxers in amateur tournaments or sometimes the Soviet Union. | ||
Yeah, they were grown men. | ||
They weren't going to fight professionally. | ||
There was no professional fighting. | ||
That was always the deal with certain Soviet boxers. | ||
But Soviet boxing has really taken off now. | ||
All of them, man. | ||
There's a whole shitload of them. | ||
Who's going to fight? | ||
Who's the Russian, I keep forgetting, Pravdnikov or whatever, who's going to fight? | ||
Pravdnikov? | ||
No, no, that's not his name. | ||
The guy who's going to fight Bernard Hopkins next. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
He's a killer. | ||
Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
I don't remember his name. | ||
I just saw him fight a few weeks ago. | ||
Gennady Golovkin? | ||
No, Gennady Golovkin is the middleweight guy, right? | ||
Yeah, he fights it. | ||
54 or something. | ||
Yeah, let's see. | ||
Bernard Hopkins' next fight. | ||
Yeah, that Russian guy is scary. | ||
But Hopkins is a ridiculous freak. | ||
Kovalev. | ||
Sergio Kovalev. | ||
Kovalev, yeah, yeah. | ||
He's a beast. | ||
Yes. | ||
It's fascinating that Bernard Hopkins is still boxing the shit out of these guys, though, at 49 years of age. | ||
And hunting, going after guys like this guy who hits. | ||
I think he's knocked out everybody's fault. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Including killed a guy in the ring. | ||
What? | ||
unidentified
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Yes. | |
He killed a guy? | ||
Yes, he did. | ||
What? | ||
Where'd you get that? | ||
That's a fact. | ||
For real? | ||
Yep. | ||
How do you know this? | ||
I've read about him. | ||
Kovalev killed a man, alright. | ||
Kovalev killed a man. | ||
Wow, if you Google it, that comes up really quickly. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, he's a killer. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
That's how hard he hits. | ||
Boxer dies in the ring. | ||
Yeah, his name was Roman Simakov. | ||
There's a video of it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And Kovalev didn't give a fuck? | ||
Well, I don't know. | ||
I mean, I don't want to say that. | ||
But I mean, it didn't hurt his boxing. | ||
He just kept boxing. | ||
That's what people are terrified of, right? | ||
A guy who can kill a guy and then go right back and be just as good? | ||
He's got really weird power. | ||
I mean, he really hurts dudes. | ||
And if you see what happens, there's highlights of when he hits them and they just go, what? | ||
What's this? | ||
Oh, I'm getting hit. | ||
Oh, this is a different thing. | ||
Totally different thing. | ||
I've never been hit by a sparring partner like this or in the gym. | ||
This is different. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And Golovkin's kind of the same way. | ||
United Golovkin hits that hard. | ||
Yeah, there's a lot of those Soviet guys that can just fucking crack you. | ||
It's weird. | ||
Well, they have an excellent... | ||
Their amateur system is so good. | ||
It's just like the Cuban system. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's supported, I think. | ||
And a lot of them, they're starting out. | ||
Let me see that. | ||
Is that the fight where the guy died? | ||
Pull it up to the beginning. | ||
Sometimes guys also, and this is a reality of boxing, sometimes guys come into the ring itself already damaged from sparring. | ||
Yeah, that's very true. | ||
You know when Shob was talking about how he used to spar with Shane Carwin and he would have fights and he was fucked up when he went into the fight. | ||
Like he said when he fought Ben Rothwell. | ||
He's like, dude, I got KO'd just like not long before the fight by Shane, sparring with Shane. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They say that a lot of boxers were ruined in the gym wars. | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
Yeah, I mean, guys have died in gym wars, too, by the way. | ||
unidentified
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100%. | |
This guy's a murderer, man. | ||
I mean, I didn't mean that in that way. | ||
I meant, like, ferocious. | ||
He didn't mean to kill this guy, obviously. | ||
He was boxing, you know? | ||
Well, it might not have been his fault at all. | ||
I mean, like I said, that guy could have gone into the cage already fucked up. | ||
Yep. | ||
Into the ring, rather. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's very possible that he had a pre-existing condition. | ||
It's very possible that it was from all the damage he took while sparring. | ||
It's very possible that he cut a lot of weight and he didn't rehydrate properly. | ||
It's such a tragedy to see something like that. | ||
I hate seeing a fighter who gives his whole life. | ||
It's just the worst, man. | ||
Well, how about when Roy Jones Jr. got carried out of the ring and now we're seeing him fight again. | ||
He's back at it. | ||
He went to sleep. | ||
Oh, he was in total parallel universes. | ||
The one with Glenn Johnson. | ||
Yeah, that's the damage that they say you don't walk away from. | ||
That's the scary one. | ||
When you go out for a long time, like when Manny Pacquiao got, you know, Marquez hit him with that left hook or whatever. | ||
I mean, he was just... | ||
It's not just getting hit there, then falling on your face. | ||
Yeah, that's bad too. | ||
You know, that's probably as bad, that thing that happens to guys when they bounce their head off the canvas. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's just as bad. | ||
Because you see when a lot of guys get viciously knocked out, it's one of the things that does it. | ||
I remember when Mike McCallum fought Donald Curry. | ||
I used to be a big Donald Curry fan. | ||
Donald Curry was a sick boxer, man. | ||
In the 1980s, he was sick. | ||
He had just wicked technique, man. | ||
He just threw everything perfect. | ||
He didn't have a big build. | ||
He wasn't built like a monster. | ||
He just was a wicked athlete and a really good boxer. | ||
And... | ||
He cut weight against this guy Lloyd Hunnigan. | ||
He had a really hard time making 147. And that was back when they just did not know how to rehydrate people correctly. | ||
They just did a terrible job of rehydrating people. | ||
And so he had to go up in weight class after that. | ||
He just fought like shit. | ||
And after that, he was never really the same again. | ||
It was like that one loss, one time getting beaten up, and one time of losing the confidence of being the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world. | ||
He was considered the best pound-for-pound for a while. | ||
And then he fought Mike McCallum. | ||
And Mike McCallum hit him with this left hook to the body, left hook to the chin. | ||
Whack! | ||
Bam! | ||
And the one to the chin just sent him flying backwards. | ||
His head bounced off the canvas. | ||
Blam! | ||
It's out. | ||
Remember Ricky Hatton? | ||
Ricky Hatton versus Pacquiao? | ||
The craziest thing I've ever seen. | ||
He got shut off. | ||
You saw in slow motion his whole head look like an accordion. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know? | ||
He just got perfectly punched. | ||
Are there more knockouts now in the UFC or has it stayed the same? | ||
People are getting better. | ||
If people are getting better, it makes it tougher to hit people, but they're better at hitting people. | ||
It depends on the matchups, really. | ||
I think there's less people that fight in the UFC now that have one very specific discipline, and they're missing the other stuff. | ||
You never see the grapplers that can't strike at all anymore. | ||
Everybody's dangerous on their feet. | ||
They're not equal. | ||
It's not equal. | ||
But there's a lot of goddamn dangerous dudes. | ||
There's very few people that have that glaring hole in their game. | ||
So you can't just go in and just beat the shit out of them. | ||
You gotta set them up just like everybody else. | ||
They're athletes. | ||
They move very fast. | ||
And if you fuck up and they catch you with something, you can get in big trouble. | ||
Especially early in a fight. | ||
So I think that people are just better all across the board. | ||
There's better athletes now than there's ever been before. | ||
Guys like McGregor coming up, like Conor McGregor. | ||
This fucking kid's a tremendous athlete. | ||
Wonderboy Thompson, did you see that fight? | ||
I didn't see that fight. | ||
Jesus Christ, that kid's good. | ||
He's great, huh? | ||
His fucking striking is ridiculous. | ||
He's been striking since he was like three, literally. | ||
And he's all point style. | ||
His hands are down. | ||
Taekwondo. | ||
He stands sideways. | ||
Nobody can get in on him. | ||
You get in on him, you're eating knuckle sandwiches. | ||
Front foot kicks. | ||
Front foot side kicks. | ||
Oh, everything. | ||
Throws front leg side kicks to the body. | ||
Throws vicious leg kicks. | ||
Throws head kicks. | ||
I mean, he's fucking good. | ||
He has a 57-0 kickboxing record. | ||
God! | ||
Dude. | ||
57-0? | ||
57-0. | ||
And he's just starting to figure out the MMA game. | ||
He's starting to get so comfortable. | ||
He hasn't even wrestled that long, right? | ||
Exactly. | ||
I think he's a purple belt or a blue belt in jiu-jitsu. | ||
His brother-in-law, I think, is Carlos Machado. | ||
He's one of Machado's brother-in-law. | ||
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
So he's, you know, he's been involved in martial arts essentially his whole life. | ||
But it was mostly just the striking. | ||
So now you're seeing him learn to avoid the takedowns. | ||
And once he's learning to avoid the takedowns, he's, you know, able to be much more comfortable on his feet. | ||
Now he's getting loose. | ||
Fuck, dude. | ||
The guy's landed in some ridiculous combinations, man. | ||
Mr. Dominic Cruz is looking pretty good. | ||
Dude! | ||
That was insane. | ||
Brendan told me he trained with him one time. | ||
He and Chael trained with Dominic Cruz. | ||
And both of them, at the end of the session, they were both basically quiet because Dominic Cruz is so smart. | ||
He was like, no, when you do this, you do this. | ||
And he was showing them stuff. | ||
And they were like, how smart is this fucking guy? | ||
He's very smart. | ||
He's very focused. | ||
You know, I mean, you see that when you pay attention to his analysis. | ||
He's very good at analyzing. | ||
Like, he did a great breakdown once that I thought was really important for people to watch, for young fighters especially, of when Kung Lee knocked out Rich Franklin. | ||
And he shows, like, the error that Franklin made. | ||
Franklin threw a kick and the counter, like, he was right in line for the counter. | ||
He didn't move his head off the center line at all. | ||
And I'm like, this is so important that someone, like, draws this in a... | ||
He had a diagram. | ||
You know, like, one of those things. | ||
And he's, like, showing... | ||
He's pointing to the big screen and pointing out all the different aspects. | ||
Because his head is always this high. | ||
It's almost like TJ Dillashaw. | ||
He and Dwayne watched Dominic. | ||
Oh, well, they did. | ||
Oh, they did? | ||
Of course. | ||
That's going to be a fun fight to watch. | ||
Very fun fight to watch. | ||
TJ, if anybody has emulated Dominic's style of movement, a lot of it's TJ. But Dominic took it to a totally different level the other night. | ||
He looked like he was on... | ||
Like, he was from another planet. | ||
I mean, he was like, that was seriously like the next level technique. | ||
Like, next level aggression. | ||
Next level proficiency. | ||
Next level accuracy. | ||
Very good. | ||
Really? | ||
Mitsugaki's top five. | ||
Wow. | ||
He's number five and number six contender. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
Yeah, Mitsugaki's very good. | ||
Very good. | ||
Because what's interesting to me is a lot of guys who shine in other divisions, other organizations come over to the USC. Like, watching Donald Cerrone. | ||
In that fight against Eddie Alvarez. | ||
Eddie Alvarez. | ||
And Eddie Alvarez is a kid. | ||
Wasn't Eddie Alvarez the Bellator champ for a while? | ||
Yes. | ||
He just lost the title. | ||
I mean, he didn't even lose the title. | ||
He just left with the title. | ||
And then watching when he comes out of the UFC and watching what Donald Cerrone did to him was a real eye-opener for me because he is a killer and he's a great fighter, but Donald's a different level. | ||
Donald's got real Muay Thai. | ||
That real Muay Thai is different than these guys that want to be boxers who just occasionally throw kicks. | ||
There's boxers who just occasionally throw kicks, and there's guys who have left hook, right leg kick ingrained in their genetics. | ||
When Donald Cerrone hits you with a left kick to the liver, you better lift up your left leg to check. | ||
Because if you don't, he's coming down hard on that thigh with that shin. | ||
He hooks with the left and then chops with the right, and it's in his DNA, dude. | ||
He'll throw that straight right, left hook, right leg kick all day long, and you'll be in that moment because you're moving away from the left hook. | ||
You move away from that left hook, you step to your left to avoid the punch that's coming from the guy's left hand, and he chops that right leg kick right on your thigh. | ||
And he's bringing that knee up. | ||
He's timing that knee. | ||
Every time you go in for a single leg, good luck. | ||
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
You know who does that awesome? | ||
It's Jose Aldo. | ||
They call it the Dutchie. | ||
They yell out in his corner, the Dutchie, the Dutchie. | ||
Because it's a classic Dutch combination. | ||
Dutch kickboxing being one of the most talent-rich countries ever for kickboxing was Holland. | ||
Like, beyond. | ||
Above and beyond. | ||
So many great fighters came from Holland. | ||
It's almost insane. | ||
Ernesto Hoost, Badr Hari, Bas Rutin, Rob Kamen, who's arguably the greatest of all time, Ramon Deckers, who's also arguably the greatest of all time. | ||
Deckers and Bas Rutin. | ||
Bas Rutin is one of the greatest strikers to ever enter into MMA. And one of the reasons is because he had that MMA striking training from Holland. | ||
Dealing with high-level kickboxing training. | ||
You know, Peter Ertz. | ||
I mean, just keep going. | ||
On and on and on. | ||
The great kickboxers that came out of Holland. | ||
The training in Holland. | ||
Even guys who aren't from Holland. | ||
Like Tyrone Spong. | ||
He learned in Holland. | ||
He developed that Holland style. | ||
Melvin Manhoof. | ||
Holland. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's a killer. | |
Monsters! | ||
There's like, the kickboxing is so high level there, man. | ||
Just ridiculously high level. | ||
So they would always call that out. | ||
The duchy, the duchy. | ||
And that's that left hook. | ||
Left hook to the body. | ||
Right leg kick. | ||
Aldo throws it like a fucking ballerina. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
It's like art form when he throws it. | ||
unidentified
|
It's like, whoo! | |
Like he just spun in the air. | ||
Like he was doing a, like he was a figure skater or something. | ||
I really want to see, I want to see that. | ||
I'm dying to see McGregor. | ||
Although now, of course, who isn't? | ||
Well, I'm dying to see Aldo versus Chad Mendes, too, man. | ||
Mendes has improved his striking, but Aldo is always a motherfucker, man. | ||
Mendes is going to have a hard time because he's so short and stocky. | ||
I feel like he's going to have a very hard time getting close to McGregor, man. | ||
He just fights at a different distance. | ||
Yeah, well, that's why we want to see them fight. | ||
You know, it's always interesting when someone has a big task to deal with. | ||
But the other task is, we've never seen McGregor fight a guy who's a monster wrestler, like Mendez. | ||
Mendez is a super athlete and a monster wrestler. | ||
Like, what happens if McGregor gets taken down? | ||
How well does he fight off of his back? | ||
How well does he do when he gets clay-guided? | ||
Like Clay Guida did to Anthony Pettis. | ||
Just stuck on him like glue and dragged him to the ground and made a stalemate out of it. | ||
What does he do then? | ||
And that's a beautiful thing about watching contenders with various styles go at it. | ||
You get the chance to see. | ||
From a strategic standpoint, there's so many variables. | ||
There's some variables in boxing and in kickboxing. | ||
There's movement and different combinations you could throw. | ||
But the variables between striking and grappling and the transitions between those two are what makes MMA so fucking exciting. | ||
And some of the things that people boo at and they get bummed out about... | ||
Like Clay Guida stifling Anthony Pettis to the point where he can't get anything off. | ||
Those are good. | ||
You have to see those. | ||
Because you've got to know that a guy can do that. | ||
Because when you see a guy like Conor McGregor who's just running through everybody, you go, okay, what happens if he fights a guy who just has a lightning shot that you can't stop? | ||
Like Josh Koscheck in his prime. | ||
A guy who, just like Yoel Romero, lightning. | ||
Yeah, just drives you across the cage like you're a fucking pillow and tosses the knee in the air and slams you on your back. | ||
You're like, oh, next level shit. | ||
What do you do? | ||
How do you react? | ||
And we don't know that yet. | ||
That's one of the cool things about watching different styles go at it. | ||
You don't know what the fuck is going to happen. | ||
I mean, McGregor could hook kick him in the face. | ||
He could do something crazy. | ||
The first thing he threw was a hook kick. | ||
I don't think I've ever seen that in the USA. Very rarely. | ||
A straight-up Taekwondo hook kick. | ||
Yeah, I mean, Crow Cop's thrown a couple. | ||
But it was almost like, this is how much respect I have for you. | ||
I'm going to hook kick at you. | ||
Well, if you are good at it, you've got a good chance of landing it because people don't expect it. | ||
It's like this guy Larry Kelly. | ||
We've talked about him on the podcast before. | ||
He was a guy in Boston that was known to have a really good hook kick. | ||
He was known for it. | ||
Bill Superfoot Wallace had a really good hook kick. | ||
This guy Larry Kelly, back when Billy Blanks used to be a point fighter, He hook kicked Billy Blanks in the head and sent him flying across the thing unconscious. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
It was one of the greatest... | ||
The one thing I never... | ||
Find it. | ||
Larry Kelly, K.O.'s Billy Blanks. | ||
I know we've shown it on the podcast before, but it's a weird kick to get good at because it's an awkward movement of the body. | ||
But if you practice it, you can get it like everything else. | ||
A wheel kick's a weird kick, but once you learn how to distribute your weight properly and whip yourself through it, it becomes easy, or at least... | ||
You can use it. | ||
In green. | ||
You can use it, yeah. | ||
It's the same thing with the hook kick. | ||
I never really developed a good hook kick. | ||
Me neither. | ||
I used to hate practicing it. | ||
It was always the thing we used to be like, alright, here's a hook kick. | ||
Let's move on. | ||
I want to do roundhouse. | ||
But it's good, though. | ||
I had, you know, look, here it is. | ||
Watch this. | ||
This is crazy. | ||
Boom! | ||
Dude! | ||
Yeah. | ||
Hook kick to the face. | ||
That's crazy! | ||
Yeah. | ||
Watch that one more time. | ||
Larry Kelly was, I was living in Boston, and this guy was, Larry Kelly was like one of the karate guys that you'd hear about in the western Massachusetts area. | ||
He was like one of the best at this style, this point style of karate fighting, which there was some boom! | ||
Look at that shit. | ||
Crazy. | ||
Man, he thought it was going to be a slight sidekick, I think. | ||
Yeah, and he slid back and caught it right on the jaw. | ||
That's amazing. | ||
Yeah, there was a bunch of those guys. | ||
There was Billy Blanks, and there was a couple other guys that I don't remember their name. | ||
There was one guy named Mafia Holloway, who was this big, yoked-up black dude, who was, like, super fucking fast, man. | ||
Those Taekwondo guys, when you watch, like, some of those tournaments... | ||
They were karate guys. | ||
They kick so hard, and, I mean, you get caught in the head with those kicks, like, wheel kick, roundhouse, good luck. | ||
No doubt. | ||
Yeah, there was a lot of those guys. | ||
Kill you. | ||
Very, very fast. | ||
And especially if you try to fight them at that style. | ||
Because that style, what it is, they lunge in, they hit each other, and then they break the action up. | ||
It's real weird. | ||
It's like, but there's something good. | ||
The idea behind it is kind of silly. | ||
Because the idea is really based on this notion that a karate man is too deadly to ever land more than one punch. | ||
And that even when you land, people would get in trouble for excessive contact. | ||
Like if you hit too hard. | ||
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
You get disqualified. | ||
But I think it's funny that karate, taekwondo, and a lot of those moves like hook kick and side kick and roundhouse, you know, the way they do it in taekwondo, are kind of just becoming more relevant now in MMA. They're really good to have because you can fight from the distance. | ||
What I was going to say is the good thing about the breaking it up is that you have to learn how to close that distance the best way you can. | ||
The emphasis was entirely on closing the distance and landing. | ||
The emphasis was not on doing anything after that. | ||
So once they learned how to close that distance with ridiculous speed, if you fight people that are used to only continuous fighting, oftentimes that's not something they're good at because it's too dangerous. | ||
You don't just launch yourself across the ring at somebody. | ||
Because if you do, you can't get fucked up, man. | ||
Unless you're really good at launching yourself across the ring and being evasive. | ||
And one of the best ways to do that is to learn how to play tag. | ||
And that's essentially what these karate guys are doing. | ||
And if you can learn how to play tag way better than anybody else, that's a fucking giant advantage. | ||
And that is what Conor McGregor's doing. | ||
That's what Wonderboy Thompson is doing. | ||
What these guys are doing is they're incorporating a point style of fighting. | ||
And the people who are used to that Muay Thai style or a Taekwondo style, like in point fighting or continuous fighting, they're not used to it. | ||
They're not used to someone who launches themselves with such fluidity across the cage. | ||
That hook kick. | ||
Unbelievable. | ||
Reaching like that. | ||
You wouldn't do that in a Muay Thai fight. | ||
No. | ||
Because you would never develop it that good. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Because to have that as your approach over and over and over again, it's really ridiculous. | ||
Right. | ||
Somebody's going to know what you're doing and they're going to chop your leg, but they can't when you get so good at it because you've done it to this incredible level of proficiency. | ||
So they develop like a... | ||
It's a weird... | ||
Jump. | ||
And it's the same thing with Taekwondo in a way. | ||
Because there's a lot of Taekwondo techniques developed because they don't allow leg kicks. | ||
Because if they allowed leg kicks, a lot of the shit you do wouldn't work. | ||
That was one of the first things that I learned when I started kickboxing, was that there's two things that I suck at. | ||
I suck at getting kicks in the legs, and I suck at boxing. | ||
When I was outside kicking distance, I was good. | ||
But when guys get close to me, I would be flustered. | ||
I didn't know what to do. | ||
I got punched in the face a lot. | ||
I got my leg kicked. | ||
Well, that's what's so different about Conor McGregor, which I didn't realize he was a national champion. | ||
He was a national amateur champion as a boxer, which I didn't know. | ||
And they never really talk about it in the UFC. You never see that really in his credits, but he won the nationals. | ||
Well, it's his kicking that's almost more impressive. | ||
Well, I'm saying that he's one of the few guys who can kick, and then when he's in there, his hands are amazing. | ||
He doesn't have that problem. | ||
He's an excellent boxer. | ||
He's an excellent boxer. | ||
What's shocking to me is how well he's picked up the kicking. | ||
He's throwing hook kicks and spinning back kicks. | ||
That's his opening moves. | ||
I really think a lot of it is like he truly is after, in such a single-minded way, such a single-minded way, the championship. | ||
That's all that matters. | ||
He's next level. | ||
There's next level guys. | ||
There's like, okay, here's the new evolution. | ||
The next level guy is a guy who's a wicked boxer, who's got an iron chin, who fucking totally believes in himself, has charisma coming out of every fucking pore in his body. | ||
Oh, and he can knock you the fuck out. | ||
With any hand. | ||
And he calls it. | ||
He predicts it like Ali. | ||
Predict that he's going to knock out the number five guy in the world in the first round. | ||
And he did it. | ||
Dressed to the nines. | ||
Yeah, he's hilarious. | ||
He's awesome. | ||
Fucking love the guy. | ||
So do I. And a guy like that, man, that's next level shit. | ||
That's like, everything that Jon Jones has failed to do with the public, this fucking guy has done without even winning the championship. | ||
Incredible. | ||
It's fascinating. | ||
Because a lot of people... | ||
I've always tried to figure out what it is about someone that makes people like them. | ||
It's so hard to tell, man. | ||
You don't know what the fuck it is. | ||
I never saw a guy like McGregor coming. | ||
I never saw that. | ||
I always felt like... | ||
A lot of it's just being able to rise up to the hype, right? | ||
So it's one thing to talk a big game. | ||
It's another when you are actually championship material. | ||
When you're skill level yeah, and you're doing what you said you do when you when you predict the first round Knockout with a guy like Justin Poirier Dustin I mean Dustin Poirier. | ||
It's Christ. | ||
I know I'm terrible you have a fighter pod. | ||
I know I know with Dustin where I Keep saying Justin, but I mean that guy's a killer You know, and he did it. | ||
Poirier's a bad motherfucker. | ||
He just got caught up in the headlights. | ||
You know, McGregor's no joke. | ||
He's really good. | ||
And again, he's next level. | ||
Well, you were at the weigh-in. | ||
What was he saying to him? | ||
I wasn't at the weigh-in. | ||
I was in Toronto. | ||
Yeah, he's a... | ||
It's a fascinating time for martial arts, man. | ||
Really interesting time because all these techniques that were thought to be not like pivotal techniques have become pivotal techniques like front kicks to the face. | ||
That's not even a flashy technique, but once Anderson landed it on Vitor, all of a sudden it became like a number one technique. | ||
And then Brown landed it on Alistair. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He landed it perfectly in that fucking, oh my god, it's Vitor, or not Vitor, Vitor getting knocked out by Anderson, but Randy getting knocked out by Machida with a jumping front kick. | ||
Machida took it to the next level. | ||
I want to thank Mr. Sivisgaard. | ||
This made a front kick. | ||
It's so crazy that these techniques, like, that no, and now Thompson does, like, a lot of, like, front leg round kicks. | ||
He does a lot of weird shit. | ||
He sneaks kicks over behind your shoulder and then chops down. | ||
Josh Thompson? | ||
No, Wonderboy Thompson, Stephen Thompson. | ||
He's doing a lot of, like, weird, interesting karate kicks. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Josh Thompson's got some serious kicks, too. | ||
He's, like, the first guy to stop Nate Diaz in the octagon. | ||
He head kicked him. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That was fucking nasty. | ||
That was a vicious fight. | ||
Nick Diaz is really coming back to fight. | ||
Anderson Silva. | ||
Yeah. | ||
When is that? | ||
January. | ||
You want to be there? | ||
Come on. | ||
I got a show. | ||
Do the show at the Mirage. | ||
At the Mirage? | ||
What day in January? | ||
It's like whatever January 2nd is. | ||
I'll figure it out. | ||
January 1st, probably? | ||
I'll figure it out. | ||
Do you have a New Year's show anywhere? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Where you at? | ||
I'll be in Bora Bora with my family. | ||
What? | ||
So you're never going to make a show in Vegas. | ||
How dare you? | ||
Oh, it's New Year's. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
What are you, retarded? | ||
What are we talking about here? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I kept thinking it was after that. | ||
This is Brian, by the way. | ||
unidentified
|
Maybe I'll be back. | |
He'll tell you, I'll be at your party. | ||
Maybe I'll be back. | ||
Hey, I'm going to be in Russia for a month. | ||
What? | ||
How are you going to come to my party? | ||
You RSVP'd, you dick. | ||
You're such a child. | ||
Well, that's why you're funny. | ||
I'm in Bora Bora. | ||
Speaking of which, I'll be in... | ||
I like irresponsible people. | ||
I'll be at the Atlanta Improv October 16th, 17th, and 18th. | ||
Just plug it like that. | ||
That's weird. | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
You were talking about where you'd be? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
I didn't talk about where I'd be. | ||
What? | ||
I just happened to have... | ||
Wait, okay, there's a better way to do it. | ||
We're talking about fights. | ||
You want to be there for the fight. | ||
But do you want me... | ||
When do you want me? | ||
Not October 16th, 17th, and 18th, right? | ||
Tickets aren't even sale for my thing yet. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Oh, because I'll be in Atlanta. | ||
Trying to bring you in. | ||
The Improv. | ||
That's where you're at for what, New Year's? | ||
No, I'm with my family. | ||
I'm talking about October. | ||
Why are you going to Bora Bora? | ||
What the fuck is going on? | ||
Because my dad's taking everybody. | ||
The whole family, kids and everything. | ||
The patriarch. | ||
Yep. | ||
I was like, really? | ||
Alright. | ||
I've never been. | ||
I get nervous on vacation. | ||
I'm just not good. | ||
Really? | ||
You get nervous? | ||
I just get restless. | ||
I can't hang. | ||
Here's your reality. | ||
Our life is way more fun than average. | ||
You get to be a goddamn comedian all the time. | ||
It's a Friday night and there's no show. | ||
You look at your watch and you go, shit, I could be on stage right now. | ||
It's like Chris D'Elia. | ||
Chris D'Elia was like, if I'm not, why would I do anything? | ||
Why would I talk to you, dude, when all I do is crush and cum? | ||
He's like, you know what I like to do? | ||
I go, crush and cum. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
Yeah! | ||
How about Chris living in a good old pocket there? | ||
I was loving it. | ||
His Instagram cracks me up and he's just fucking loving stand-up. | ||
Just selling out, selling out all over the place. | ||
It's nice to be in a place where everything starts clicking. | ||
You see guys like him, everything is clicking. | ||
It's all firing together. | ||
It's cool to watch. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
I've been watching a lot of stand-up over the last few weeks. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Yeah, I watched Cat Williams' special, and I enjoyed it. | ||
Some people were criticizing it, and I enjoyed it. | ||
One of the things I really enjoyed is there's a version of it on YouTube. | ||
If you see the version on YouTube, somebody captured one of his sets before the special was actually taped, where he was on fire. | ||
He was just hitting every beat, getting ready for the special. | ||
It was more loose and relaxed than the actual special itself. | ||
I really enjoyed it better, actually. | ||
You could see how funny he really is when he's on. | ||
I didn't know who he was when I saw him at the Comedy Store a while back. | ||
unidentified
|
When? | |
I was so blown away. | ||
How long ago was this? | ||
I don't know, three, four years ago. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
And I remember just watching him. | ||
It was on Trippin' on Tuesdays or whatever they call it. | ||
And I was just like, what the fuck? | ||
And I walked up to him. | ||
I go, bro, that was incredible. | ||
Aw, thanks, man. | ||
Very funny dude. | ||
He's powerful, man. | ||
When he's nailing it, man, he's powerful. | ||
20 years of comedy, right? | ||
More than that. | ||
That's my kind of comedy, too. | ||
I love his kind of comedy. | ||
It's just so ridiculous. | ||
When he had that issue, like he had a bunch of arrests and all kinds of shit, I was really bummed out, because he's one of my favorite guys to watch. | ||
I'm like, please don't spiral. | ||
Don't spiral. | ||
Keep it together, man. | ||
Is he back, though? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Well, only he knows, but he did that special. | ||
That was a big thing. | ||
He did it on HBO. Spike Lee directed it. | ||
That was a big thing. | ||
I think he's the funniest. | ||
He makes me laugh the most. | ||
Kills me. | ||
When he's on. | ||
But Stanhope makes me laugh hard too, but in a totally different way. | ||
Stanhope is like pointing shit out that is just ridiculous and then driving it through the fucking skull of America. | ||
Whereas Cat Williams is just being hilarious. | ||
I mean, he has points. | ||
He does make points, but he's all about being fucking hilarious. | ||
Whether it's making fun of himself or making fun of someone else or everybody. | ||
This is a great time for comedy, man. | ||
It's a great time to be a fan. | ||
Yeah, it really is. | ||
And it's a great time to be a comedian, too, because there's so much stupid shit going on. | ||
It's like every time you turn around, there's some new fucking stupid thing. | ||
It's just endless, too. | ||
There's so many things to talk about. | ||
If I followed sports, boy, I really have material. | ||
If you had some good NFL wife-beating material, I don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
But it seems like every day you turn over the... | ||
I think it's been going on forever. | ||
I think now it's just being more exposed. | ||
You think that's what it is? | ||
Huge league, a huge number of guys. | ||
Yeah, what is the number of guys? | ||
You're going to get three or four dudes in the NFL. How many? | ||
I think there's 50 guys a team. | ||
Jamie would know. | ||
How many guys in the NFL? Minimum 50 guys a team. | ||
What's that? | ||
unidentified
|
32 teams. | |
50 per team? | ||
Yeah, so 50 times 32. You're going to have three or four dudes in that ratio who are going to step out. | ||
Okay. | ||
I'm not surprised. | ||
There's no doubt about it, right? | ||
Yeah, I mean... | ||
That's a thousand-something? | ||
What is that, 1,500? | ||
1,500 dudes. | ||
1,500 dudes, that's a pretty low average, actually, if you only get a few wife beaters. | ||
I wonder what would happen if you got 1,500 cement workers. | ||
1,500... | ||
Probably be a little higher. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I'll tell you that right now. | ||
How about 1,500, you know, whatever, fill in the blank. | ||
Yep. | ||
You know, that's why when everybody says, you know, oh, this guy got divorced, he got fucked over, women are cunts. | ||
That's all you ever hear about. | ||
But I love when I hear about people that get amicably separated. | ||
Nobody hurts anybody. | ||
There was a lady who got arrested who was on The Walking Dead. | ||
She was an actress. | ||
She had a small part on The Walking Dead. | ||
She sent ricin, like that fucking poison, to people under her husband's name. | ||
She tried to say that he was sending it, and it was her. | ||
She's doing like 20 fucking years in jail for that. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
It's fucking terrifying. | ||
Some people take it to a whole nother level. | ||
Are you kidding me? | ||
I'm going to poison people. | ||
I'm going to send poison and get you locked up in jail forever and laugh. | ||
I'm going to set you up because you don't want to be with me anymore. | ||
Or you cheated on me or you fucking wrecked my car or whatever the hell he did. | ||
I don't know what he did. | ||
I know a guy who was dating a girl. | ||
He had a fight. | ||
He fell asleep. | ||
He took a pill to fall asleep on the plane. | ||
She unzipped his pants and pulled out his junk and let it sit there. | ||
And he got in real trouble for that. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
How did he ever get out? | ||
He had to go to court. | ||
He had to hire a lawyer and go to court and everything, in fact. | ||
And yeah, it was a major. | ||
And they were even thinking about having him, he was going to maybe even have to register as a sex offender. | ||
It became a real issue. | ||
It was a nightmare. | ||
This story goes on, but I won't talk about it in public. | ||
Fuck. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She was crazy. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
Well, that can happen because you know what, man? | ||
You don't know. | ||
They can't scan your brain and say, oh, this guy's a sex pervert. | ||
He's just a guy that got caught up in a relationship with a crazy person. | ||
But, you know, there's so much power. | ||
In accusing someone of something or in setting someone up. | ||
There's so much power. | ||
If someone can do that, male or female, someone can send anthrax in your name and get you busted and watch it all from the sidelines. | ||
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
My plan worked! | ||
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
Like, what kind of a sick fuck human is that? | ||
A few ways to get caught, though, when those forensics guys come in and they start asking you questions, they're like, well, let's go through this. | ||
Well, all they have to do is get your DNA. So many people, they leave DNA on envelopes. | ||
They don't even realize that you're a sweaty fuck. | ||
You licked that envelope? | ||
Oh, you licked it. | ||
Congratulations, you're arrested for the rest of your life. | ||
One of the best people I know is such a good guy. | ||
He got accused besides you. | ||
In the workplace. | ||
How do you suddenly get hurt? | ||
One of the best people I know got accused of sexual harassment and got suspended from his job for a year. | ||
It was a government job. | ||
So he hires a lawyer. | ||
Did he really sexually harass them? | ||
No, no. | ||
unidentified
|
Are you sure? | |
The story is crazy. | ||
The story was he said something in allusion to her dress that had relevance to something else. | ||
And she goes, I don't feel comfortable and ran out, but she has a history of doing this to people. | ||
So, he hires a lawyer, a woman. | ||
He says, you have to hire this woman. | ||
My buddy said... | ||
They went and sat at a table. | ||
And before it even got to any kind of trial or anything, they usually think about arbitration. | ||
He said she started asking this woman some questions. | ||
And you've got to realize, this woman thought she could get away with a lie. | ||
But all of a sudden, she got in the ring with somebody who does this for a living. | ||
With a lawyer who specializes in people who... | ||
Fraudulent claims. | ||
Fraudulent claims. | ||
So all of a sudden... | ||
She started asking this woman questions that my friend hadn't even thought of. | ||
And he said, dude, it was the crate. | ||
He eviscerated her until she finally said, I don't feel comfortable. | ||
I don't want to do this. | ||
She jumbled her hands. | ||
I don't feel comfortable. | ||
I don't want to do this. | ||
And she goes, so do you want to drop the charges because you were maybe fabricating the circumstances? | ||
I don't, whatever, whatever. | ||
Well, it went away. | ||
But it's still scary that someone could just do that to decide. | ||
Fuck yeah, it is. | ||
They decide they hate you. | ||
Fuck yes. | ||
Or they decide they love you and you don't want to have anything to do with them. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
Play Misty for me. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Man, there's a lot of that out there, man. | ||
People are fucking nuts. | ||
Male and female, both sides. | ||
That's why it's gross when anybody ever goes one way or the other. | ||
I'm all for women's rights. | ||
I'm all for men's rights. | ||
Some women I don't like at all. | ||
I'm just all for fair. | ||
Some men, I don't want to be around ever for the rest of my life. | ||
It doesn't matter what gender they are. | ||
I don't give a fuck. | ||
Should women get extra rights? | ||
No. | ||
Should they get equal rights? | ||
Absolutely. | ||
Everyone should be treated evenly by the law. | ||
Without a doubt. | ||
But when you're like... | ||
When you're more geared up towards one side or the other, like, I can't get behind these men's rights dudes. | ||
I can't. | ||
So strange. | ||
Look, I think there's definitely some fucked up laws when it comes to alimony. | ||
There's some fucked up laws when it comes to child custody laws and, you know, some people do, like what you were talking about and what I was talking about, some people will make fraudulent claims about their children and they'll do it and they'll set a guy up just so that they can get total custody. | ||
They're going to war. | ||
So if they'll lie about... | ||
I mean, someone who would send ricin is not above lying about what the husband did to the children. | ||
There's a lot of crazy shit that goes on. | ||
But it's a human issue, more than it's a male-woman issue. | ||
There's some fucked up laws, for sure. | ||
Well, I was going to say that if you took 1,500 women, I wonder how many actually have lashed out and hit their husbands. | ||
Even in the Ray Rice video, I believe she hits him. | ||
It's not justified, but yeah, she hit him. | ||
But what you're supposed to do is hold on to them. | ||
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
Unless you're the same size. | ||
Unless you're fighting Ronda Rousey. | ||
You better throw some fucking bombs. | ||
Or you better be ready to tap out. | ||
I hope she doesn't break your shit off and stuff it up your ass. | ||
No doubt. | ||
Because she will. | ||
But otherwise, just grab ahold of them. | ||
Don't hit. | ||
It's just... | ||
And if you really are fighting a chick that... | ||
If you're living with a chick who is prone to violence and can probably kick your ass... | ||
Break up with her. | ||
Break up with her. | ||
She's too scary. | ||
Run away. | ||
It's too scary. | ||
I dated a girl who used to get very physically abusive. | ||
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
She's... | ||
That's scary. | ||
Called her dumb once. | ||
She was drunk. | ||
I didn't know she was drunk. | ||
One of the drunks where you don't know they're drunk. | ||
And she, like, they just act normal. | ||
They're just kind of blank. | ||
Why'd you call her dumb? | ||
I called her dumb. | ||
Why'd you call her dumb? | ||
I can't remember, but it was just one of many things I called her. | ||
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
She swung a boot at me so hard. | ||
At so hard. | ||
She was so strong. | ||
I ducked. | ||
I ducked in it, and I had one of those sliding closets, and it just went right through that sliding closet. | ||
Just a hole in it. | ||
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
I was like, what is going on here, man? | ||
I mean, it was nuts. | ||
It was. | ||
Did you fuck her after that? | ||
Sure did. | ||
Yeah, I knew it. | ||
I held her down. | ||
I said, hey, calm down, calm down. | ||
And then we fucked. | ||
Well, that's the best part of that kind of relationship. | ||
That's what people like, right? | ||
That was fun for a year. | ||
Until I had to figure out a way to evict her. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Okay, let's not talk any further. | ||
I know who that is. | ||
You know, the violent part and the making up part, a lot of times that's like what they grew up with, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, or they run out of... | ||
I think a lot of times violence is an offshoot of running out of other ammunition. | ||
So you can't think of something witty to say. | ||
You can't really think of a comeback. | ||
You don't even know what to do. | ||
I think a lot of times it's almost like... | ||
You regress immediately. | ||
You just strike. | ||
You just strike. | ||
Because children, when they don't have the language, they'll hit. | ||
I dated a girl when I was in high school. | ||
And we broke up and she was dating this dude. | ||
And we used to work at the same place. | ||
And when I went to visit her once... | ||
I was talking to her and she was telling me, she was crying, telling me about this guy that she was dating that beats her. | ||
He hits her. | ||
And I was like, oh my god, I couldn't believe it. | ||
And then she goes, you know what's really fucked up? | ||
I like it. | ||
I could have finished that sentence for you. | ||
I go, you like it? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And she goes, yeah, I like it. | ||
I don't know why. | ||
I like it when he hits me. | ||
I go, you like it when he hits you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I go, like, do you want him to keep hitting you? | ||
She's like, no, I'm just fucked up. | ||
And I go, whoa. | ||
I go, I mean, he like, he broke her window. | ||
He punched through her window. | ||
Because she's important enough. | ||
She's important enough to elicit an insane response so she feels valued. | ||
Well, it was fascinating to me because we were both really young at the time. | ||
I think I was probably, shit, I couldn't have been more than like 17 or 18. And she was probably like the same. | ||
She was like 17, I was 18, I think, something like that. | ||
So when she was telling me this, I was like, what? | ||
Like, you like it when this guy hits you? | ||
Strange. | ||
Might have been 1918. And not so strange. | ||
But it was in that neighborhood. | ||
You know, we were just out of high school. | ||
You know, she had graduated, so she had to be 18. So it was just a bizarre conversation. | ||
I was like, you can't let people hit you. | ||
Look at how many people wore Ray Rice, how many women wore Ray Rice's jersey and number at the next game. | ||
Because they want that violent dick. | ||
I don't know. | ||
They were all in solidarity. | ||
I thought that was amazing. | ||
Yeah, there's a weird thing. | ||
It's a weird thing when people just decide to fucking jump on board with the asshole. | ||
His wife came out and was very public about defending him. | ||
Yeah, well, hey. | ||
It's more complicated. | ||
She got half her fucking brain knocked in. | ||
Who knows where her judgment's at. | ||
Dude, she got KO'd and bounced her head off the pole. | ||
She could have easily been dead. | ||
Easily been dead. | ||
Easily been dead. | ||
The idea that he hit her like that. | ||
I don't know, man. | ||
Also the way he dragged her out and didn't really tend to her. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
At all. | ||
That was what I thought was so impersonal and strange. | ||
If he had knocked her out and grabbed her and been like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. | ||
I reacted or whatever. | ||
Okay, I'm a violent guy. | ||
I play football. | ||
But to kind of almost look at her and kind of move her with his foot, it was just like, oh, wow. | ||
That's bad news, man. | ||
Fucked up. | ||
That's the most fucked up. | ||
Well, no. | ||
The most fucked up is the impact, the punch. | ||
That's the second most fucked up thing is how he'd treat her like, bitch. | ||
Get the fuck up. | ||
It wasn't until someone showed up and people were kind of freaking out that it became something they tended to. | ||
And by the way, there are cameras in elevators. | ||
I don't know if you know that in 2000. Nobody was thinking that, man. | ||
All he was thinking was, she ain't hitting me. | ||
He's going to hit her back. | ||
There's... | ||
I was on a plane once with Michael Irvin. | ||
And Michael Irvin, it's a long-ass flight. | ||
We're going to Australia. | ||
Just randomly happened to be on a plane with me. | ||
And he's a good dude. | ||
He's always at the UFC. Yeah, he's a great guy. | ||
And a great athlete. | ||
And we're talking. | ||
And he was talking about this fight. | ||
It's a foundation that he has, where he works with a lot of young kids, teaches them how to harness their anger. | ||
And what he explained, he was explaining this to me on the flight, that when kids grow up in bad neighborhoods with this violence in the house, and then the mother's under stress all the time, it changes the reaction that the boy has to violence when he gets outside. | ||
It changes his reaction to stress. | ||
It makes him ultra-impulsive. | ||
It makes him inclined towards violence. | ||
And he was talking about how you literally have to figure out how to rewire your brain. | ||
And he was talking for personal experience. | ||
And he was talking about how you have to figure out how to rewire your brain in a positive way. | ||
And that it's very important to recognize that these kids are coming out of the gate With the amount of control you expect out of a reasonable adult, they don't have that amount. | ||
They have less. | ||
And one of the reasons why they have less is the shit they're exposed to when they were in the fucking womb, man. | ||
I mean, it's like, it's beyond them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, and I think that's the case with a lot of people. | ||
I've wondered if that's the case with myself. | ||
You know, I don't think I was exposed to too much stress in the womb, but I was exposed to a lot of violence when I was young. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I remember a lot of, like, fucking crazy shit in my house, in my dad's house after my mom moved out because my dad used to beat my mom. | ||
I remember some violent shit. | ||
That's crazy stuff. | ||
Dude. | ||
You don't get over that. | ||
I mean, that shapes you. | ||
I mean, I remember how you were when you were younger, because the world was a dangerous place, man. | ||
You kept things at an arm's length. | ||
You were always ready to go. | ||
Always. | ||
Like, you just were always like, who's that guy? | ||
I don't know that guy. | ||
You gotta be careful. | ||
Why is that guy talking to us right now? | ||
I remember you were always paranoid that way, controlling of the environment. | ||
And then you started to calm down. | ||
I think weed helped a lot. | ||
That helped a lot. | ||
And you got older. | ||
But when you were younger, you trusted me and maybe one or two other people. | ||
Also, I was coming straight off of competitive fighting for most of my formative years, from 15 to 21. Then I go into comedy. | ||
It also happened back then. | ||
All that shit. | ||
You didn't feel safe. | ||
When you have a dad like you did, I'm sorry, man. | ||
Kids aren't supposed to see that. | ||
Or they are. | ||
Yeah, well, by the way. | ||
Worked out for me. | ||
I figured it out. | ||
It took a long time. | ||
We spent all our time trying to shelter and protect our children. | ||
I wonder if that's the best thing sometimes, too. | ||
Dude, out of the gate, I trusted nobody. | ||
I remember being five years old and thinking people were retarded. | ||
I remember clearly seeing people argue over shit when I was five years old, going, these fucking dummies. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
I remember being in Lebanon during the war. | ||
How old were you? | ||
I'll do you one even better. | ||
I was 5th, 6th, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade, I think, or even younger. | ||
So what is that, 10? | ||
I was probably from the age of, yeah, 8, 9, 10 in the war. | ||
And seeing, hearing machine guns, having to sleep on the floor, having to sleep in the basement, seeing planes bomb, you know, shoot missiles and bomb a gas station. | ||
Weren't you like, hey dad? | ||
How many more years of this shit we gotta deal with before we get the fuck back to America? | ||
At one point my dad couldn't get back in. | ||
We had to be evacuated to Greece. | ||
But that feeling of helplessness as a boy. | ||
Machine guns. | ||
Men in uniforms. | ||
Just me, my mom, and my sister. | ||
That kind of stuff. | ||
That stuff makes you feel... | ||
You never forget that stuff. | ||
Don't you think that that also sort of imparted that nomadic thing that you have going on where you could live anywhere? | ||
Fuck yes. | ||
You could pull up right now. | ||
What? | ||
Brian is one of the only dudes that I know where I could say, Hey man... | ||
I got a place in New Mexico. | ||
You want to move there with me? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Okay. | ||
If you didn't have a family... | ||
No problem. | ||
You would pull up your shit and go anywhere. | ||
I don't make attachments, bro. | ||
At all. | ||
I'd be like, what do you need to bring? | ||
My clothes? | ||
Let's go. | ||
Let's get out of here. | ||
I remember when you didn't have a doorknob. | ||
He didn't have a fucking doorknob. | ||
You know, some people say, oh, a guy keeps his door open all the time. | ||
His door's never locked. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
He didn't have a fucking doorknob. | ||
I got nothing you could steal I care about. | ||
I would go over his house, and I would go, bro, you don't have a doorknob. | ||
I can get on my knees, and I can look through your fucking door hole. | ||
How about in Venice when the woman was cooking breakfast? | ||
She's cooking. | ||
You got it going on, honey. | ||
She's making a meal at my stove. | ||
The cops, you want to press charges? | ||
I was like, no. | ||
A homeless person just walked in. | ||
That was the same place. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That was the same place where you didn't have a doorknob. | ||
He was completely ridiculous. | ||
Completely ridiculous. | ||
What are you going to steal? | ||
My TV? I don't care. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You could always abandon shit. | ||
Whatever. | ||
But do you think that's why you don't appreciate nice shit? | ||
You don't even appreciate a nice car. | ||
No. | ||
You make good money. | ||
You can get one of those sweet new Cadillacs or something like that. | ||
You can get a Tesla if I want it. | ||
Ooh, yeah. | ||
Comfy to drive around. | ||
I've always had a sense of guilt partially because I grew up in countries where people had nothing. | ||
I remember seeing somebody with leprosy and no foot in Yemen going through the marketplaces. | ||
When you're a white kid and the math falls in your favor for no fucking reason... | ||
You don't think that you're God's favorite. | ||
You just, as a kid, I couldn't navigate or understand why I saw kids coming up to us starving in India and in Pakistan, asking for food, dirty, and I had everything. | ||
That doesn't make sense. | ||
That doesn't make you feel good as a kid, especially not someone like me. | ||
I had the imagination or whatever it was to kind of go, "I got lucky because the math fell in my favor. | ||
I did zero to deserve this." And that creates two things: guilt and shame, I think. | ||
And I never lost that. | ||
I never lost that. | ||
I still feel that way. | ||
That's fascinating. | ||
I hate having people come work at my house. | ||
Like, if they're doing work at my house, and I go out of my way to make sure that they, you know, feel like I'm the same as they are. | ||
I don't like being, I'd be terrible, I'd be a terrible king. | ||
I feel, I find it very uncomfortable, all that stuff, anyway. | ||
Yeah, no, I hear you. | ||
Yeah, that might be why. | ||
My father laughed at me one time. | ||
He came to visit me, and my father grew up poor. | ||
And he was laughing. | ||
He goes, what's with this car? | ||
I was driving some terrible Ford, and it was really dirty. | ||
And he's like, you know, I can afford to buy you a Lexus if you wanted. | ||
Would you want one of those? | ||
And I was like... | ||
No. | ||
I never thought of that. | ||
First of all, I don't want somebody else getting it for me. | ||
Second of all, it wouldn't make an impact in my life. | ||
And I respect, though, like Brendan. | ||
Brendan Schaub grew up with not a lot of money, so nice things to him, nice clothes, nice car, they mean a lot. | ||
They remind him that he's not... | ||
Struggling anymore. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
So I've always respected the idea of limited materialism. | ||
I understand where it comes from. | ||
I also think it depends on what you're turned on by. | ||
I'm more interested in that. | ||
Somebody said, this woman who wrote this book said, I had all these experiences. | ||
She went to study, worked with the KGB as an interpreter and then went to the Antarctic and then went to... | ||
She said, I was doing nothing. | ||
I had all these experiences, but my brain wasn't changing. | ||
I needed to figure out how to change my mind. | ||
She had failed math in high school, but she was in the military and she was watching all these engineers solve problems in this beautiful way, but it looked like hieroglyphics. | ||
And she goes, wait a minute, if I can learn how to do this, then I'll change the way my brain works. | ||
And she talks about it a lot, and she became a professor of engineering, but... | ||
You know, I think I'm more interested, maybe it depends on what you're more turned on by. | ||
I'm really fascinated with changing who I am, in a way, maybe the way I think. | ||
What are you trying to be? | ||
What are you trying to do? | ||
Just continue to be as original and as creative as I can be. | ||
That's all. | ||
That's my thing. | ||
And you can't have a tassel in that? | ||
I can. | ||
I want to get a Tesla, actually. | ||
I think I'm going to. | ||
I'm waiting for my Passat, my turbo diesel Passat lease to run out. | ||
This is just devil's advocate. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But people that make good money and then don't buy nice things, what is the fucking point of making good money? | ||
I agree. | ||
And someone who is poor, who looks at you, would be like, hey, dummy. | ||
But I have a nice house. | ||
You know, you're like part of, you know, we talked about this yesterday, the 1% of the world, of the world, more than $34,000 a year. | ||
It's just nuts. | ||
That's the world. | ||
I know how lucky I am. | ||
Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And I buy nice things. | ||
I mean, I have a nice house and all that. | ||
Believe me, I'm not like some Spartan. | ||
I'm not saying you are. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But what I'm saying is... | ||
Get a Tesla. | ||
That's what you're saying. | ||
What I'm saying is people that make a ton of money And then don't buy nice things. | ||
That's one look. | ||
Like, hey, man, you're the guy who has the opportunity to make a bunch of money and buy nice things. | ||
But then there's the other point of view. | ||
It's like, okay, well, you'd hear about Warren Buffett lives in a regular neighborhood, and he's got a fucking $100 billion. | ||
Yeah, that then becomes its own form of affectation, right? | ||
If he's going to live in a regular neighborhood, how about you give away $8 billion? | ||
Yeah. | ||
You ain't even going to use it. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
It's just sitting there in your 90. Correct. | ||
And I'm sure there's a lot of philanthropic adventures that he invests money in. | ||
I'm sure he spends a lot of money on other things. | ||
But I'm saying like... | ||
What level do you think you're supposed to give back? | ||
Like, are you supposed to give to charity? | ||
Are you supposed to be nice to your fellow humans? | ||
It's what I've been writing about. | ||
Can you be one or the other? | ||
I've been writing about the idea that, you know, this idea that I've not done anything bad enough to go to hell, but I feel like I haven't done anything good enough to go to... | ||
I'm definitely not sitting anywhere close to Mother Teresa if she's in heaven, you know? | ||
I just feel like there's a lot more... | ||
What are you talking about heaven and hell? | ||
Do you hear your head? | ||
In other words, there's a lot more I could be doing to give to charity. | ||
Are you being literary? | ||
Yes, I'm being literary. | ||
I'm being deep. | ||
I'm being spiritual. | ||
But I do feel like I should be given more in some ways to charity. | ||
But then I think to myself, I'm doing exactly what I was put on the earth to do, which is make people laugh. | ||
And that takes a lot of work and effort. | ||
Okay, stop right there. | ||
Isn't that just justifying the uncomfortable nature of that discussion? | ||
Maybe I don't like this podcast. | ||
Yo, when I think about it, maybe I'm just fucking awesome and I'm here to be awesome. | ||
I'm just rather being awesome. | ||
unidentified
|
No, because I spent a lot of money on wine and shit. | |
Yeah, but that's not what you were saying. | ||
You were saying like... | ||
I should. | ||
Should I give more to charity and what does that mean? | ||
Okay, first of all, here's the difference. | ||
Here's how you delineate. | ||
So, if I could give to charity, and there's a lot of definitions. | ||
Is charity, going back to what we were talking about, is charity what people need or do they need inspiration? | ||
So how do you create inspiration? | ||
So giving money to certain causes... | ||
Why is it an or? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Why is it an or? | ||
I'm just wondering if I could make a big difference. | ||
There's a school in Haiti or something I'm sure could use some money, right? | ||
Right. | ||
Okay. | ||
Alright. | ||
I could give to that school. | ||
And I do. | ||
I do have charities. | ||
I do give to Doctors Without Borders. | ||
I give to Operation Smile at different things. | ||
I got my own individual things. | ||
People have a hard time when they give charity and they find out how much money goes to administrative costs. | ||
Fucking drives me crazy. | ||
Fucking... | ||
I think the United Way, what was it? | ||
What did they say? | ||
Out of a dollar, a penny actually goes to the charity. | ||
The rest of them run the whole fucking thing. | ||
It's a whole bureaucracy they got to run. | ||
It's a business. | ||
It drives me crazy. | ||
It drives me crazy. | ||
That one penny does go to the starving kids. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, go fuck yourself because I want my dollar. | ||
What do you think the number is? | ||
Pull up the number. | ||
Find out which organization was it? | ||
United Way. | ||
United Way. | ||
See how much of your money actually goes. | ||
I'm going to guess. | ||
I believe it's a hundredth of your money. | ||
I'm going to get crazy and say it's 20 cents. | ||
20 cents out of a dollar. | ||
Okay. | ||
You think it's really a penny? | ||
It used to be. | ||
unidentified
|
God. | |
I'd say it's 47. 40 cents? | ||
I don't think it's that high. | ||
I bet it's less than 40 cents. | ||
It's a huge company. | ||
Okay, I say 20, you say 1. Brian says 40. 47. Is it 47? | ||
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
Oh, you're saying 47. I'm looking for it. | ||
I love the internet that we get the answers to all these things. | ||
Instantly. | ||
When he's Googling it, though, sometimes not so much. | ||
Sometimes not so much. | ||
Sometimes shit gets a little confogulated. | ||
There are really good charities out there that make a difference. | ||
Well, the thing is, here's the question. | ||
Should someone running a charity make a salary? | ||
Of course they should. | ||
Yes. | ||
But should they make a salary relative to what people make in America or the third world country where they're aiding? | ||
That's when shit gets weird. | ||
Because if it's the third world country that they're aiding, well they're gonna be bitter as shit. | ||
They're working their whole life away and they can't even fucking put a roof over their head and feed themselves normally. | ||
So it should be like an American salary. | ||
I would imagine. | ||
But if it's an American salary for a professional, like what is that? | ||
Is it a hundred grand? | ||
Is it fifty grand? | ||
Is it thirty-five grand? | ||
What's the answer? | ||
unidentified
|
Okay, United Way. | |
Well, this is United Way of Topeka, so I'm guessing this is a good example of what United Way, I guess different local, but withholds 20%. | ||
Withholds? | ||
What do you mean? | ||
unidentified
|
Withholds 20% of what you give. | |
Of what you give. | ||
So they only take, hold on, 22%. | ||
Okay, I just googled what percentage, where does United Way charity go? | ||
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Right here. | |
Okay. | ||
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United Way withholds 22% from 2012. Designations. | |
Yeah, I think they got exposed and they made a change because they ran a special a long time ago about... | ||
I was shocked. | ||
Okay, here it is. | ||
Worldwide United Way claimed combined administrative and fundraising expenses in 2011 of 17%, meaning that they spend approximately 17 cents for every dollar donated on organizational costs, but the other 83 cents go directly towards community projects. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
That's pretty good. | ||
So United Way is not a good example. | ||
They used to be. | ||
They did a whole expose on them, and it was shocking. | ||
I think they changed. | ||
Maybe we should Google that. | ||
What percentage of money goes to charity? | ||
Let's just Google that, of money. | ||
Like, what's the worst? | ||
What do we think the worst? | ||
But I think that's really good. | ||
I mean, if they can, 17%. | ||
Wasn't like the Jerry Lewis thing a brutal one? | ||
I don't know. | ||
The muscular dystrophy? | ||
Yeah, I don't know about that. | ||
Okay, what percentage of... | ||
Let's Google that. | ||
What was that Telethon called? | ||
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Jerry Lewis Telethon. | |
Jerry's Kids? | ||
Jerry's Kids? | ||
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Jerry's Kids. | |
Jerry Lewis... | ||
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Charity... | |
Telethon. | ||
Okay, guess this. | ||
What do you guess? | ||
What percentage? | ||
Okay. | ||
I would say... | ||
I don't know. | ||
I would say... | ||
I would have a high percentage. | ||
I would say 80% goes to the kids. | ||
America's 50th worst charities rake in nearly $1 billion for corporate fundraisers. | ||
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Wow. | |
There you go. | ||
Wow. | ||
Which may not necessarily be bad if they motivate people to get even more money. | ||
Yeah, well, look, there's a certain amount of money that they would never get if it wasn't for those things. | ||
Someone was talking about the Ice Bucket Challenge. | ||
The Ice Bucket Challenge is stupid as fuck, but it's raised a ridiculous amount of money. | ||
Most people who are doing it, they're not even donating money. | ||
They're just throwing water in their head. | ||
But the amount of people that have donated, it's pretty substantial. | ||
It's millions. | ||
Millions of dollars. | ||
Much more than they had last year. | ||
ALS sucks. | ||
I'm sure. | ||
I'm sure. | ||
You know, they don't even think that Lou Gehrig had Lou Gehrig's disease. | ||
Isn't that strange? | ||
Why, because he just got hit in the head? | ||
Yeah, I think it's trauma-related. | ||
He was KO'd so many times while playing baseball, sliding into people and shit, playing hard baseball. | ||
And he played football, I believe, before that. | ||
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Look at this, Joe. | |
50 worst charities ranked by money blown on soliciting costs. | ||
Number one, Kids Wish Network. | ||
Total raised $127 million. | ||
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Paid, 109 million, so 2.5% spent on direct cash aid. | |
So solicitors, that means like advertising, right? | ||
Is that what that means? | ||
What does paid to solicitors mean? | ||
Well, percentage spent on direct cash aid looks like 2.5%, 0.9%, 10.8%. | ||
You used to work for a bank. | ||
You can't figure this shit out? | ||
No. | ||
Well, what does solicitors mean? | ||
What is solicitors? | ||
What's the definition of solicitor? | ||
I would imagine it's people that are selling, that are somehow going out there and raising the money. | ||
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Oh, yeah, yeah. | |
So this is paid to, like, spent on getting the money. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So lawyers. | ||
No, people who go out and actually raise the funds. | ||
Well, a solicitor is a legal practitioner. | ||
This is the actual definition. | ||
Solicitor is a legal practitioner who traditionally deals with any legal matter in court in some jurisdictions. | ||
Solicitation also means someone who sells. | ||
Right. | ||
It means solicitating prostitute. | ||
Yes, but solicitors are people that are the actual fundraisers, though, in this context, I believe. | ||
But isn't that someone who's buying? | ||
No, it's somebody who's doing the fundraising. | ||
They're essentially going out there, I believe... | ||
What happens if you solicit a prostitute, though? | ||
Doesn't that mean you're trying to pay for the prostitute? | ||
So that's a solicitor, right? | ||
So no solicitation. | ||
No trying to sell me anything around here. | ||
What does that mean? | ||
So saying, like, Kids Wish Network has five employees. | ||
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It's paying them... | |
And then they're only paying 2.5% to the actual direct cash aid for this example. | ||
So only 2.5% of their money. | ||
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Right. | |
Percentage spent on direct cash aid. | ||
2.5%. | ||
That's insane. | ||
What's the other one? | ||
0.9% for the Cancer Fund of America. | ||
That's insane. | ||
Less than 1%? | ||
Children's Whiz Foundation. | ||
These are all like takeoffs on the other charities and they're all scams. | ||
That's so dirty. | ||
American Breast Cancer Foundation. | ||
Not association. | ||
Firefighters Charitable Foundation. | ||
Look at that one. | ||
Look at that one. | ||
Union of Police Associates. | ||
Look at that. | ||
Less than half of a percent. | ||
Yeah, that's a scam, man. | ||
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Oh, wait. | |
There's one that's zero percent. | ||
Look at this. | ||
Operation Lookout National Center for Missing Youth. | ||
Zero percent. | ||
Wow. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
That's insane. | ||
But how does that work? | ||
It says 19.6 million and 16.1. | ||
Oh, you know what that is? | ||
That's just like rent and shit. | ||
Operation Lookout. | ||
So the $15 million is paid to out to people, the rest is bills. | ||
Fuck, man. | ||
How is that allowed to be? | ||
We live in a dirty world! | ||
The world's dirty. | ||
The Veterans Fund. | ||
That's so creepy that there's charities that are that far off. | ||
Less than a percent. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Committee for Missing Children. | ||
We thought, what did I guess? | ||
I guessed 20? | ||
You guessed one? | ||
Yeah. | ||
There you go. | ||
And there's some that are half of a one. | ||
There you go. | ||
That's why you got to be careful what charities you give to. | ||
And I think United Way, they did this thing and they were like, how much of your money is actually going there back in the day? | ||
I think it was United Way. | ||
How about the charity when they're at the airport and they have the open bucket? | ||
Oh, forget it. | ||
And they want cash. | ||
I don't know who you are. | ||
There's a plastic hole in an open bucket and around the bucket is photographs of kids. | ||
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Yeah. | |
And then there's like something and they have a clipboard. | ||
I don't know who you are. | ||
Sorry. | ||
Yeah, this lady came up to me at the airport once and she was super aggressive about it. | ||
And I said, get the fuck out of here with that scam. | ||
And she goes, fuck you, motherfucker. | ||
I go, that's what I was hoping for. | ||
I go, that's what I want to hear. | ||
I go, you're involved in a charitable organization, right? | ||
She's like, fuck you, bitch. | ||
I go, you're involved in a charitable organization. | ||
You're not going to dip into that and take, well, you're a reputable person. | ||
Fuck you, bitch! | ||
There you go. | ||
She could have hit me. | ||
It was pretty close. | ||
She could have definitely hit me. | ||
That's so great. | ||
I was tired, man. | ||
I just landed, you know, working. | ||
And then someone, like, she was aggressive about it, too. | ||
She was like, you know, sir, would you please donate to help, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
And I'm looking at her, and I'm like, I smell danger all over you. | ||
You don't seem like a charitable person. | ||
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Love you. | |
But you could just show up with like a clipboard and a bucket and, you know, some logo on the bucket and you get people to give you cash just to leave you the fuck alone. | ||
Especially if you're aggressive. | ||
Well, a lot of airports cut down on that because the Hare Krishnas used to always come up to you at airports. | ||
Yeah, but they're wackos. | ||
You look at them, you're like, what's with your haircut, Tong Po? | ||
Get the fuck out of here. | ||
I'm not giving you any money. | ||
You're crazy. | ||
You're wearing sandals and you're a man. | ||
What are you doing? | ||
You're not even like a surfer. | ||
And a saffron robe. | ||
The whole thing is a mess. | ||
You smell weird. | ||
Get out. | ||
Get out. | ||
You smell like curry. | ||
Run. | ||
You're American. | ||
I don't want to be like you. | ||
I don't want to be near you. | ||
And I don't want to give you any money to support this thing that you're doing. | ||
Well, they would sell you books. | ||
Fuck out of here with your books. | ||
Fuck like it. | ||
Get the fuck out of here with that book. | ||
Come on, it's the truth, bro. | ||
It's about an epic battle. | ||
I would love to buy the Bhagavad Gita. | ||
I'd love to, but not from some dirty hippie. | ||
I'm going to go to a nice store where there's a nice person who sells books. | ||
They can tell me about it. | ||
There's some beautiful fucking versions of that. | ||
It's funny how you don't see them anymore like Hare Krishna. | ||
The internet! | ||
The internet smoked them out. | ||
That's it. | ||
They're like, what are we doing? | ||
Everybody thinks we're stupid. | ||
Even Scientologists make fun of them. | ||
Hare Krishna is at the bottom end of the cult pole. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
Yeah, everybody goofs on them. | ||
Duncan can do the whole chant. | ||
Vegetarians? | ||
Was he of Hare Krishna? | ||
No, but he's really involved in studying religions and studied them his whole life. | ||
He can do long Buddhist chants, but long Hare Krishna chants. | ||
Yeah, he does all that shit. | ||
He can do it, and it sounds like one of those monks in those hollow, echoing monasteries. | ||
I remember reading so much about Zen Buddhism and Buddhism. | ||
I've read every book I could get my hands on Buddhism, and I was just like, this is the answer. | ||
Maybe it is, but I just somehow got too busy. | ||
I don't think there's any answer. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because in the end, everybody dies. | ||
That's for Dan. | ||
There's no answer. | ||
This is what it is. | ||
How much are you enjoying this and how much are you enjoying being around others who are enjoying it and helping each other out and having a good time? | ||
Because other than that, what else is there? | ||
Is there a deep meaning if everything's temporary? | ||
It doesn't seem like there could be. | ||
It seems like you're a part of some sort of weird evolutionary process that will go on as long as life is allowed to exist on this planet, which is very finite. | ||
The planet itself only has, like, 1.6 billion years of life left. | ||
Do you think, though, that... | ||
You know that? | ||
If it goes more than that, the sun's gonna burst. | ||
Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
The sun's done. | ||
The sun runs out of juice. | ||
But do you think that there is some... | ||
There is a... | ||
Either movement toward each other or a movement toward something? | ||
Or do you think it's all random? | ||
I mean, it's a hard question. | ||
Who the fuck... | ||
No the fuck... | ||
No one knows. | ||
No one knows. | ||
I mean, it might... | ||
It might not be... | ||
What about human progress? | ||
Do you think we've been progressing... | ||
Yes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
When there's steps back, like when we talk about people being PC and all that stuff, I think it's terrible, but it's way better than being racist. | ||
The PC shit is way better than segregated where the blacks have to sit in the back of the bus and use a different water cooler. | ||
This is way better. | ||
So that, to me, is clear example. | ||
But then there's also drones and spying and crazy shit and people are still getting locked up for crazy drug laws. | ||
And then there's private prisons and there's corporate interests and there's fucking this Goldman Sachs thing that came out. | ||
The tapes that are now being released of the Fed in coercion with Goldman Sachs. | ||
I mean, all the different shit that's going on, where you see that there's still corruption. | ||
There's still evil. | ||
There's still just misdirected energy, incorrect patterns of behavior that have led to people to operate in the same type of momentum that the fucking knucklehead traders before them have done and the fucking military industrial complex guys from the 60s did. | ||
It's all the same kind of... | ||
That energy hasn't been flushed out of the system yet. | ||
But it seems like it's slowly getting pushed into a corner. | ||
Or at least it's harder to hide. | ||
See what the fuck is going on in Hong Kong? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Dude, Brian, pull up the photos. | ||
There's a drone video of the protest in Hong Kong. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Holy shit. | ||
Yeah, it's an island of 7 million that actually want to be able to choose who governs them. | ||
Can you imagine that? | ||
Dude, there's a lot of fucking people. | ||
I know. | ||
A lot of people. | ||
But they're also bordered. | ||
There's also one point... | ||
3 billion people on their border. | ||
And they don't want to be part of China, the mainland. | ||
Well, they used to not be until fairly recently. | ||
They used to be controlled by the United Kingdom, right? | ||
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That's right. | |
Look at this fucking video, though. | ||
It's going to freak you out because they're flying over. | ||
By the way, it's amazing that they can do that now. | ||
You could just, like, a regular person can get a drone. | ||
Crazy, I'm just getting an aerial view, huh? | ||
When we did that sci-fi show, dude, I put on these goggles, like these VR goggles, and they put a camera on this drone, and then flew the drone over the treetops, and I was like watching from the drone's perspective. | ||
I was like, oh my... | ||
We couldn't put it in the episode because we just didn't have enough time, but I was like, I'm flying! | ||
It was amazing. | ||
So sick. | ||
Dude, it was amazing. | ||
They attached a camera to an eagle. | ||
But I'm telling you, it felt like I was flying. | ||
Really? | ||
Like when I had these VR goggles on. | ||
Wow. | ||
I had VR goggles on. | ||
This thing is flying through trees and stuff. | ||
And you're watching like, whoa! | ||
How much would that cost to buy? | ||
Probably a lot. | ||
And they don't go very far. | ||
Like after a mile, it doesn't transmit. | ||
Like the signal, whatever type of signal it is they're using. | ||
So look at this. | ||
This is the crowd. | ||
This is them filming this by drone. | ||
Unbelievable. | ||
Dude, they've shut down the city. | ||
This is incredible. | ||
Look at that. | ||
Look at that. | ||
That's a million people, right? | ||
At least. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I don't know what a million people looks like. | ||
I think there are seven million. | ||
That's like 300 people, bro. | ||
Crazy. | ||
That's like Nick's Comedy Stop. | ||
It's packed. | ||
It's like a Joe Rogan concert. | ||
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Look at that. | |
Look how many fucking people. | ||
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It's like ants on rice noodle. | |
And what year were they United Kingdom? | ||
It was until like the 90s, right? | ||
I think the lease ran out in, gosh, 19... | ||
2000? | ||
2001? | ||
1997? | ||
What was it? | ||
I think it was 97, maybe? | ||
Or was it later? | ||
They're bracing. | ||
Both sides brace for Wednesday's showdown. | ||
Oh, fuck. | ||
Are they going to go World War III in Hong Kong, too? | ||
Well, I don't think... | ||
Nobody wants that. | ||
They don't want the People's Liberation Army coming into... | ||
People's Liberation Army? | ||
Is that what they're calling it? | ||
Yeah, that's what the Chinese... | ||
I think that's what the Chinese call their army. | ||
But they don't want the Chinese military to come in and get unpleasant. | ||
That's for damn sure. | ||
They're asking for the... | ||
What I believe is named... | ||
They call him the chairman. | ||
The person that was put in power by China to step down. | ||
And they want elections to vote in their own... | ||
And China's saying, hey, we're kind of running your country. | ||
Is it considered a country or is it considered a city? | ||
It's considered a province and part of China, mainland China. | ||
And I think that for the longest time, remember that Hong Kong was sort of the financial capital of that part of the world. | ||
But Shanghai now has taken over and a lot of other cities have taken over. | ||
They're richer. | ||
And so it's a complicated thing because a lot of mainland Chinese come in and vacation in Hong Kong. | ||
So they're pretty dependent on each other. | ||
Look at this photo of this kid shining his fucking flashlights. | ||
They're all shining the lights from their cell phones. | ||
It's really creepy. | ||
It's on USA Today's coverage. | ||
It's one of the larger photographs. | ||
There's millions of kids and they all decided to turn their cell phone lights on. | ||
And they're holding them up in solidarity. | ||
And it's kind of symbolic. | ||
Well, China also, apparently, the government of China is really worried that if they don't handle this properly, there are a lot of cities in China that could do the same thing in asking for changes in how the country is governed. | ||
So China is being very, very cautious about how they treat this particular protest. | ||
Yeah, they could fuck this up and lose everything. | ||
Yes, because if it gets too successful... | ||
Dude! | ||
That fucking picture! | ||
There's a lot of unrest in China. | ||
Not just Hong Kong. | ||
When did Hong Kong become a part of China? | ||
I think it was during the opium trade, wasn't it? | ||
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They sold it back to them in... | |
97? | ||
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Yeah. | |
And it was annexed by the British I think 100 years before that. | ||
So it hasn't even been 20 years. | ||
Right. | ||
So they're just still trying to work it out. | ||
I mean, think about 20 years ago. | ||
Was that, like, Clinton days? | ||
Yeah. | ||
97? | ||
That was Clinton, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
97, Clinton was president. | ||
Imagine that? | ||
Like, if Clinton, like, leaves, and then all of a sudden China takes over the U.S., and we're like, what? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, that's kind of the same sort of thing. | ||
If they were under rule of the United Kingdom, that's really similar to, like, being America or Canada. | ||
Absolutely it is. | ||
And it was really hard for the... | ||
And also, remember in Hong Kong, they speak Cantonese. | ||
They don't speak Mandarin. | ||
Most of mainland China is mostly Mandarin. | ||
And they speak a very different language in Hong Kong. | ||
They do speak Mandarin, but they also mainly speak Cantonese. | ||
Very, very different form of Chinese. | ||
And it was a capitalist system, a very wealthy area. | ||
And the big fear was that when the Politburo in China took over, that they would impose communist market laws and things like that. | ||
But I think they kind of left them alone. | ||
For a while. | ||
And now, Hong Kong's economy is very tied up with mainland China's economy. | ||
What a mess. | ||
It's just weird when you see a situation like that where you know something's going to happen. | ||
And we're watching it from afar, from way the fuck over here in California, and we're like, what is going to happen over there? | ||
Well, the question is, is China going to allow them to behave like a separate and independent province? | ||
Because they are not according to China in a Chinese law. | ||
That's the issue. | ||
So then what do you do? | ||
What do you do? | ||
Well, then you've got to realize that the people in the military themselves, other than the few people that are running it, there's going to be a certain point in time where if there's riots everywhere, if the entire country goes topsy-turvy over this, if they all start emulating what's going on in Hong Kong, there's A, not enough soldiers to cover them all because there's a billion goddamn people, and B, it would be soldiers turning their guns on their own people. | ||
Yeah. | ||
These are regular folks, just like the soldiers in America. | ||
I mean, it's one of the weirdest things about people that don't want to support the troops, like the idea that, you know, I don't support war, so I don't want to support the troops. | ||
Troops are just people. | ||
And they might be the only thing, and their love of regular people might be the only thing that protects a really tyrannical government from From turning their guns on the people themselves. | ||
Because they can't do that if the people holding the guns refuse. | ||
Somewhere down the chain, where they say no. | ||
They say no in general. | ||
They say that John Adams lost the election to Thomas Jefferson because he had a standing army. | ||
And one of the things that the Founding Fathers warned against was a standing army. | ||
Why? | ||
Because a standing army can be hijacked by a charismatic Well, that's right. | ||
Like the Waco guy, David Koresh, he got very little sympathy in this country. | ||
Even though they essentially went in and firebombed these people, killed kids, shot people down. | ||
There was fucking very clear images of Sherman tanks blowing fire into these fucking buildings. | ||
But, we knew they had guns. | ||
That's the only thing we knew. | ||
We knew that we heard that he fucked kids. | ||
That was the thing, right? | ||
But, by the way... | ||
That was a rumor. | ||
That is exactly what I would say if I was going to fucking run some tanks into some dude's house. | ||
That guy's in there fucking kids. | ||
We've got to go kill those kids. | ||
And it was ATF anyway. | ||
It was ATF. It was also basically about the fact that he had all this sort of weapon and arsenal. | ||
But think about the ultimate irony. | ||
We're going to save those kids by killing them all. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, they killed everybody. | ||
I think they let some kids out at one point in time. | ||
Yeah, some of them got out, but a lot of them got burned, and it was terrible. | ||
There's a documentary about it that was kind of jaw-dropping. | ||
Well, the documentary was highlighting the use of force, and that was one of the first times where we saw real military force being used on civilians. | ||
And the good news is that a lot of people, there was a documentary made out of it, and a lot of people were pretty outraged by it, but maybe not enough. | ||
Hicks had a whole bit on it. | ||
Hicks had a whole bit on it. | ||
It was pretty fucking crazy. | ||
It was just most people didn't see it because there was no fucking internet back then. | ||
It wasn't like today. | ||
If they did some Waco shit today, and we saw them driving over buildings and blowing fire into these buildings, pull up the video of Waco. | ||
Pull up the video. | ||
What are you doing? | ||
You checking your Facebook, you fuck? | ||
Look at what happened with Ferguson, this black kid who was shot. | ||
I mean, the whole town went crazy. | ||
Things are different now. | ||
It's different. | ||
It's not that easy to just get away with shit anymore. | ||
I also think, though, I was thinking about Russia and how outdated. | ||
They're calling the ruble, the currency, the rubble now because it's just not worth anything. | ||
That's very clever. | ||
It's very clever. | ||
I like to play on the words. | ||
But it's a one-crop economy. | ||
So Russia, the motto is basically, Mike makes right. | ||
All the guys with guns control everything. | ||
Guess what? | ||
So now you've got commodities. | ||
You've got oil that you export. | ||
And I guess some weaponry. | ||
Look at this. | ||
This is crazy. | ||
This is in the 1990s. | ||
This is a goddamn tank tearing apart a house. | ||
This is a tank in America going into this quote-unquote cult of And because they had gotten into a firefight with these people, because the ATF shot at them, the ATF, they were like on the roofs and shit. | ||
It's a really crazy documentary. | ||
One of the guys, the ATF guy inside was shooting out the door at ATF people outside. | ||
And they were making, they were blasting, I guess, music and stuff to make them crazy and noise. | ||
Did they do that with these guys too? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's a common tactic. | ||
Why is the music playing? | ||
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I was saying if that was the music, I hope that's not the music. | |
Is it? | ||
Is that really? | ||
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That's the music that goes with the video. | |
That's going to get us pulled off of YouTube. | ||
That's what that music is. | ||
This is ridiculous. | ||
I mean, to see tanks being used on civilians, helicopters and shit... | ||
Okay, but then if you look at it from the other hand... | ||
Look, these are bananas. | ||
Jesus. | ||
Look how fast that thing starts growing. | ||
If you look at it from the other side, if you've got a group of people that are in this house and they're shooting at federal agents, what do you do? | ||
Do you do this? | ||
Do you do this? | ||
Do you wait them out? | ||
Do you wait for them to starve themselves? | ||
You don't set them on fire. | ||
You don't do that. | ||
No, you definitely don't. | ||
Especially when kids are in there. | ||
So what do you do? | ||
So the question was, I think the idea was floated that they started to fire themselves within the compound and the ATF did not. | ||
Yeah, but that's not true. | ||
That's not true. | ||
They did this shit with tanks. | ||
Well, the aerial view of the tanks suggests something different. | ||
I don't know. | ||
What does the aerial view of the tanks suggest, Dr. Fox News? | ||
Well, it suggests, in fact, they're using flamethrower. | ||
They use flamethrowers, dude. | ||
Okay, let's Google use of flamethrowers. | ||
I mean, I thought that was pretty established. | ||
Use of flamethrowers in Waco. | ||
Well, from the documentary, they said, you know, the big question was, was it started inside the compound? | ||
Was the fire started by the Waco cult members or by the ATF? Hidden Waco footage. | ||
Tanks used flamethrowers. | ||
And there's a link, and you can go to the YouTube video. | ||
And the YouTube video is unavailable. | ||
Interesting. | ||
Proves it's bullshit. | ||
Waco tank flamethrower on YouTube. | ||
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A second hole is made in the side of the building. | |
And a third hole is made at the front door. | ||
This sounds like some chemtrail shit. | ||
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|
Yeah. | |
That's the thing, when the internet, you don't know. | ||
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|
The following footage proves, beyond any doubt, that the tanks intentionally set the house on fire. | |
It proves that the Branch Davidians were murdered. | ||
Watch carefully as the tank backs out of the house. | ||
Watch carefully as the tank backs out of the house. | ||
unidentified
|
You can see that this tank has a gas jet on the front that shoots fire. | |
Oh, that is true. | ||
Google Waco tank flamethrower. | ||
This is pretty fucked up, Brian. | ||
I think this is going to turn you over. | ||
You're going to be working for CNN next. | ||
I don't know, you guys. | ||
You're gonna be in Ted Turner's back pocket. | ||
Fox News is gonna fuckin' fire you. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
You're gonna go dark on this one. | ||
You're gonna go left wing. | ||
All I know is I got my deer tags, my friend. | ||
I got my deer tags, too. | ||
Here, watch this. | ||
unidentified
|
And a third hole is made at the front door. | |
Go towards, like, where the E is on experience. | ||
unidentified
|
What these tanks are doing in each picture is collapsing the inside stairwells. | |
Okay, here, it's good. | ||
Keep it going. | ||
unidentified
|
The following footage proves, beyond any doubt, that the tanks intentionally set the house on fire. | |
It proves that the Branch Davidians were murdered. | ||
She sounds like a machine mate. | ||
That's true. | ||
Wow, yeah. | ||
Dude, they lit that house on fire. | ||
Whoa. | ||
Where are you at now, Fox News? | ||
What do you think? | ||
I think they lit that house on fire. | ||
unidentified
|
What do you think? | |
I don't like Fox News, I'll tell you that much. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I believe that they set that house on fire. | ||
I don't have any doubt. | ||
You've got those guys who are geared up. | ||
They got shot at. | ||
Some of the guys got shot. | ||
Men are men. | ||
They're going to be vindictive. | ||
They're going to do whatever they can. | ||
Well, they're also soldiers, and they've been given an enemy. | ||
You know that old expression? | ||
That's exactly right. | ||
If you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. | ||
Like a nail, yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't have any doubt about that. | ||
Okay, but here's the question. | ||
What do you do? | ||
If you know that there's a group that's holed up and they have a bunch of weapons, I'm not saying you set the place on fire and kill the kids, but I'm saying, how do you handle that? | ||
You've got a guy who's shooting at federal agents, allegedly. | ||
There is the reality that agents accidentally shot at themselves. | ||
That is a fact. | ||
You can also hear the guy say, I have a right to defend myself. | ||
As they're breaking in, he shoots. | ||
So a lot of it was he was in his home, people were coming in, he didn't know who was coming into his house, they had guns. | ||
You know, you can make an argument for a lot of this stuff. | ||
Oh yeah. | ||
What do you do in that situation? | ||
What do you do? | ||
I suppose the first thing you should think about is there are two things. | ||
One is, are children being abused? | ||
Two is, does he have an illegal arsenal? | ||
So if those are the two cases, you get a search warrant. | ||
They tried to get in. | ||
They were denied access. | ||
The rest is a standoff. | ||
I don't know. | ||
That comes down to police tactics. | ||
unidentified
|
Right? | |
Yeah, I mean, do you think that someone should be allowed to have a place like that? | ||
Like, if you believe that people should be allowed to have guns. | ||
Like, I have friends who have many guns. | ||
My friend Justin is like a legit, bonafide gun nut. | ||
He doesn't even know how many guns he has. | ||
Now, what if Justin got together with 50 of his friends, and they're all like him, and they rented a big fucking piece of land, or they bought a big piece of land together, put a few houses up, and then put a fence around it? | ||
I think I'm fine with that. | ||
Right. | ||
Because I believe in freedom of assembly. | ||
Right. | ||
But what is that? | ||
You've got a highly armed compound of a bunch of gun nuts. | ||
It still falls within the confines of the law. | ||
Now, if they have fully automatic machine guns, turret guns, and rockets, you're going to go, hold on, do you guys have a license for those? | ||
And there are a whole lot of measures. | ||
And then you'd have to take steps to make sure that you don't have... | ||
with a bunch of illegal weapons. | ||
There's a reason there are some weapons that are... | ||
Nothing's illegal if you have a license for it. | ||
Right. | ||
Do you know that they think that Koresh shot himself? | ||
Hmm. | ||
Or was shot by his people? | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, they think he was shot before he... | ||
Yeah, Koresh and about two dozen others shot themselves to death or were shot before the fire engulfed the entire compound. | ||
Others died in the fire or the rubble of the collapsing building. | ||
Jesus. | ||
Whoa. | ||
That's dark. | ||
unidentified
|
Here's the shootout. | |
Yeah. | ||
I mean, they were fucking armed to the tits. | ||
God, this is crazy. | ||
unidentified
|
watch this they become the target of a madman's fury according to intelligence there's an arsenal of weapons in this room so look Dude's shooting through the wall. | |
Psst. | ||
They shot each other. | ||
unidentified
|
Psst. | |
So the agents went in. | ||
They're shooting. | ||
unidentified
|
They shot through the walls and shot their own agents. | |
Fucking A man. | ||
Sixteen wounded. | ||
Four dead. | ||
That's a blood dead right there. | ||
With those guys, good luck. | ||
Now you're in a war. | ||
You want to mess around with those kind of guys who gear up who are already tough, and that's their job, and you killed four of their friends? | ||
I wouldn't be too sympathetic either at that point if I was one of those guys. | ||
Right, but devil's advocate. | ||
This is not my feelings on this. | ||
I don't have formed feelings on this. | ||
I don't either, by the way. | ||
But those guys broke in these people's houses for what reason? | ||
Apparently, he was in violation, I think, of two things. | ||
Weapons, illegal weapons, caches, or whatever, and also, I think, there was a warrant for the fact that he was having sex with underage girls. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, child endangerment. | |
Yeah, child endangerment. | ||
Which is kind of legit if he's running a cult. | ||
Of course it is. | ||
My friend used to date this chick who grew up in a cult, and he said that she would tell him horrible fucking stories. | ||
That's why a lot of guys start cults. | ||
So they can get pussy. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, didn't Koresh, like, had a deal where he could bang everybody's wife? | ||
If he was smart. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That was his thing. | ||
His thing is he could bang everybody's wife. | ||
You can be in my cult. | ||
Here's the only catch, 22. Don't they always do that, though? | ||
Everybody. | ||
Jim Jones probably banged everybody's wife, too. | ||
Listen, man. | ||
We're all one people. | ||
It's all about love. | ||
I am the alpha male. | ||
I don't know what that's saying. | ||
I think he was saying he's God, bro. | ||
All right. | ||
Well, there's also that. | ||
They all look the same. | ||
Like him, the Australian Jesus, you can put them side by side and they're like interchangeable. | ||
They're these weird... | ||
That guy's great. | ||
unidentified
|
That's Duncan Trussell. | |
No, no. | ||
Duncan looks too wild-eyed. | ||
The Australian Jesus is so lame. | ||
He's just like, I'm Jesus. | ||
Well, no, he's lamer than lame because he's told two different chicks that they're Mary. | ||
Like his game is he tells a chick that you're Mary, that I'm Jesus and you're Mary. | ||
Like, oh, get the fuck out of here. | ||
Dumb and Superstitious, to my type. | ||
If you watch the documentary, well, he's not dumb. | ||
He's pretty clever. | ||
Right. | ||
I'm saying they are. | ||
But the poor girl, he has this girl that's convinced that she's married, and she's crying, and she's crying, and she's talking about remembering him being on the cross. | ||
It's fucking madness. | ||
And then, afterwards, he's being interviewed by the guy. | ||
The guy who's interviewing was pretty slick. | ||
And he's like, didn't you tell another girl that she was married? | ||
He's like, yes, but I was wrong. | ||
See what I mean? | ||
He plays shittiest excuse. | ||
Like the shittiest way. | ||
Bro, I would have so much of a better way. | ||
I can lie right now and come up with a better idea. | ||
Yes, but I was wrong. | ||
But it's even better than that. | ||
He plays Green Day. | ||
He's singing there and he's playing a Green Day song. | ||
He's incredible. | ||
Like, you telling me that the Australian Jesus would be really into Green Day? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Like, I just kind of think there's got to be a better song for him. | ||
I don't know. | ||
He's got like six followers. | ||
No, he's got quite a few. | ||
They're really devoted. | ||
It's in Queensland. | ||
Yeah, they cry. | ||
You can see them crying and stuff. | ||
Dude, he's got a giant compound and it's getting bigger. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
A lot of people are very worried about him. | ||
Really? | ||
Yes, yes. | ||
I mean, he's a legit cult leader. | ||
Wow. | ||
I mean, he really has... | ||
I mean, it's an enormous thing. | ||
I just feel like it's a huge magnet for the dummies in society. | ||
Oh, it is. | ||
There's a lot of dummies. | ||
It's kind of like flypaper, where you just get all the... | ||
It just sucks all the really dumb... | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
People in one area, it's fine. | ||
No, it's not. | ||
It's not, because then they can take over. | ||
See, the thing about having a really big group of dumb people is a big group of people that are so dumb, they don't even know they're dumb. | ||
So there's no leaders. | ||
They're a giant group of retarded followers. | ||
And they're chasing after a guy who's a fake Jesus who likes Green Day. | ||
I mean, this is like... | ||
The numbers that a guy like that can draw, the reason why it's fucked up is because if you look at the whole population, let's just go with America because I don't know how big Australia is, but if America's 300 million people, what percent do you think are just so fucking dumb they almost can't think things through for themselves? | ||
I'd say it's 1%. | ||
That's all you need. | ||
If you have 1% in America, you have 3.5 million dummies. | ||
That is a staggering number of dummies. | ||
If you really laid it out like that, if it's truly 1 out of 100, which is probably being super generous to the human race, but if it really is 1 out of 100, that's 3.5 million in this country alone. | ||
You don't need that many to start a good cult. | ||
Shit. | ||
Yeah, but what is that cult doing? | ||
Aren't they just kind of living the gospel? | ||
Sucking his Jesus like a dick. | ||
Right, there's a lot of sex. | ||
He's got a lot going on, man. | ||
He's got a big-ass place. | ||
How big is it? | ||
He used to be an Australian IT specialist. | ||
But they're in Queensland. | ||
I mean, it's not like Queensland is, you know... | ||
He's got a big spot, dude. | ||
He's got several hundred acres. | ||
I'll do respect everybody for Queensland, but whatever. | ||
I think he has like 600 acres or something up there. | ||
That's where they find the monster great whites. | ||
That's where they find great whites that are 22 feet that have a bite out of them from a bigger great white. | ||
600 acres or something like that? | ||
There's Koresh. | ||
Let's see. | ||
They always have good hair. | ||
Look at Duncan Trussell. | ||
unidentified
|
Koresh was actually a good looking guy. | |
Yeah, Koresh wasn't bad looking. | ||
No. | ||
Great hair. | ||
Scruff. | ||
But they look similar. | ||
If you look at him and then pull up the Australian Jesus. | ||
No, not Charlie Manson. | ||
The Australian Jesus. | ||
That guy looks very similar. | ||
I'm going to cut my hair for our hunting trip, dude. | ||
I'm looking at your head. | ||
You're going to go crazy? | ||
I'm bringing it down. | ||
Bring it down. | ||
unidentified
|
You guys are going tomorrow, right? | |
Yeah. | ||
What time are we going tomorrow? | ||
Let's not advertise on our fucking podcast. | ||
Sorry about all that personal stuff. | ||
This guy, yeah, he has 600 plus acres. | ||
Chilling cult transcript. | ||
Eh, whatever. | ||
That's a lot of fucking land. | ||
In Queensland. | ||
But he looks so much... | ||
Look at him, Brian. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
He looks so much like Koresh. | ||
Oh, he's handsome. | ||
He's got sharp features. | ||
Maybe it is Koresh. | ||
But look at them, look. | ||
Maybe Koresh escaped. | ||
They both got that weird beard where they can't grow a man's beard, so they grow this fucking... | ||
Yes. | ||
Koresh might have gotten his nose sharpened. | ||
Could be him. | ||
And his hair straightened. | ||
I think that's Koresh. | ||
Duncan's more wild-eyed, I'm telling you. | ||
Yeah, he is. | ||
unidentified
|
This guy's so silly. | |
When Duncan got into that hell thing, when he was hanging out with the Church of Satan guy, that was hilarious. | ||
He thinks it's funny, though. | ||
He does it for funny. | ||
unidentified
|
I know, but it is funny. | |
Remember when he did that show? | ||
For the wedding. | ||
Yeah, for which guy? | ||
Anton LaVey's son? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, that was great. | |
It was hilarious. | ||
Hank III, Hank Williams Jr. Danzig. | ||
Jr. Jr., Hank III played there. | ||
Yeah, it was just all crazy chaos, man. | ||
Who's your favorite frontman of all time? | ||
For what? | ||
A band? | ||
Yep. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I never thought about it. | ||
What are we, in high school? | ||
unidentified
|
Who's your favorite? | |
Who do you think is the greatest? | ||
Who's yours? | ||
You must have one, otherwise you wouldn't have started talking. | ||
Either Robert Plant or Freddie Mercury, but I'm not sure. | ||
I'm toss-up between the two. | ||
Yeah, Robert Plant's right up there. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Mick Jagger's right up there, too, though. | ||
Mick Jagger's up there, but the problem with the Stones, and no one's going to like to hear this. | ||
They don't write. | ||
They had a lot of shitty songs. | ||
And they haven't written a song in forever. | ||
But they had some fucking monsters. | ||
They had a few monsters, but when you pick up their albums, there's a bunch of Zeppelin songs that no one talks about that are fucking phenomenal. | ||
You'll listen to them and you're like, oh, I forgot about this. | ||
This is still beautiful. | ||
And then you have some Stone song and you're like, what is this? | ||
Shut this fucking thing off. | ||
I think Zeppelin is the number one band. | ||
Yeah, but didn't Zeppelin steal a lot? | ||
13 songs. | ||
They didn't credit either old-time folk songs or blues or musicians that they were influenced by. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, Dazed and Confused, and certain songs were... | ||
I mean, if you hear it, they're a direct rip-off. | ||
And they never credited them. | ||
We played that, didn't we? | ||
Didn't we play both of them back-to-back? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
There was a video that had all the old blues songs, like the lyrics from them. | ||
unidentified
|
Made them a lot better. | |
I mean, and a lot better. | ||
It just seems like those guys should have got something if they were still alive. | ||
And they did. | ||
They went back and they settled out of court. | ||
Did they Fox News? | ||
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
Stop calling me Fox News. | ||
I hate Fox News. | ||
I'm really mad at Fox News. | ||
You'd work for them. | ||
unidentified
|
You'd be like the Alan Combs, but more manly. | |
You'd be like the left-wing guy on Fox. | ||
Fuck those guys. | ||
I'd just be fair, man. | ||
What if they made you wear a dress like those hot girls? | ||
You're not? | ||
I don't think they're fair. | ||
You don't think they're fair? | ||
No. | ||
I don't like getting my news from an ideological point of view. | ||
I'd rather get BBC. I listen to BBC. Do you think it's possible to have a news channel on television that's undefined? | ||
It doesn't slant left. | ||
It doesn't slant right. | ||
That, at least, was the model, and I think the BBC, in a lot of ways, comes very close to it. | ||
Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
Yeah, but not there. | ||
I'm talking about here, in good old U.S. event. | ||
Yeah, I think it is. | ||
The land of the free, home of the brave. | ||
I think it is. | ||
In fact, one of the things that the guy, who was the guy who ran 60 Minutes came in and said, good news and bad news. | ||
Good news is we got the highest rating of any news show ever. | ||
Bad news is we got the highest rating of any news show ever. | ||
In other words, this just turned into a show that's dependent on ratings. | ||
And that's why we're all going to get paid a lot more money. | ||
Well, that's the infinite growth paradigm, right? | ||
It exists in corporations and it also exists on shows. | ||
Fuck yeah, man. | ||
They want the ratings to go up. | ||
The ratings are up, up, up. | ||
100% of all Americans. | ||
When you see shit on ISIS and those guys are coming up. | ||
unidentified
|
It's on a Fox show. | |
That's him being a Fox show. | ||
Yeah, you're on Fox, you fucker. | ||
Ah, damn it! | ||
I hate Fox. | ||
unidentified
|
You motherfucker! | |
Motherfuckers! | ||
You have sabotaged me! | ||
Wait a minute, here I am on Fox News. | ||
That was a morning show to promote my stand-up. | ||
Yeah, that's not the same. | ||
That's not real Fox, Fox. | ||
Damn it! | ||
Those local shows are the weirdest fucking form of show business. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, they are. | |
Those local morning shows in strange markets, these local shows are the weirdest form of show business ever. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Some of them are great. | ||
Yep. | ||
And some of them are so bad, you can't believe this isn't a school play. | ||
You're like, I am on a school play with cameras on it. | ||
Well, a lot of them are just so bubbly and just, it's just strange, man. | ||
Just fake. | ||
Dude, and some of them are so bad. | ||
I went on one. | ||
Won't name the name. | ||
Immediately, guys, first question was, so, what was it like when Phil Hartman was killed? | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
And I just sort of, I sort of blank faced him. | ||
I go, it was terrible. | ||
Like, one-word answer. | ||
Like, I'm gonna give you a one-word answer for that. | ||
I'm not gonna elaborate and expand, but that's his opening question. | ||
It's like, you saw that video where Mike Tyson was talking to the guy in Canada, and the fucking opening statement, the guy says, is this gonna hurt the mayor because you were, you went to jail for rape? | ||
You're a convicted rapist? | ||
You're a convicted rapist. | ||
You're a convicted rapist. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I couldn't believe that. | ||
Right away. | ||
What a cheap shot. | ||
What a shitty cheap shot. | ||
That's, people love doing that shit. | ||
They love doing that shit. | ||
I think Mike Tyson handled it appropriately. | ||
He handled it the right way. | ||
We're a piece of shit, so what's more stressful is dealing with a piece of shit like you. | ||
I thought, well, being a positive here, but you're a piece of shit. | ||
Yeah, that dude was terrified. | ||
He looked into the eyes of death. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
And Tyson didn't even, fucking his heart didn't even skip a beat. | ||
There wasn't like an extra beat to it. | ||
Everything stayed nice and calm. | ||
Changed He's probably wondering whether or not he should beat the shit out of this guy on the air. | ||
He's already cussing him down. | ||
He's not going to beat him up, but it's probably there, floating around. | ||
I'd be thinking that. | ||
Like if he just launched himself on this guy and just smashed his face in, it would feel so good for those brief seconds. | ||
How much time would he have to do? | ||
Too much. | ||
Not worth it. | ||
Don't do it. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
It might make him more famous. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He would go to jail for sure. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Imagine Mike... | ||
Well, he'd be in Canada. | ||
If he could get across the border real quick, I doubt we'd extradite him. | ||
It's true, actually. | ||
Especially if the guy really did... | ||
If the guy moved at all in some sort of a threatening way... | ||
Called him a convicted rapist. | ||
If he could get the guy to raise his hands up, just anything where it looks like the guy... | ||
I did one of those things after I'd done Hangover 2 and they asked me about the experience. | ||
I started talking about the ladyboys and how... | ||
It's a family show and I started saying, look, I'm a straight man, but those ladyboys look very female. | ||
Man, did they get nervous. | ||
They changed the subject. | ||
And, okay, well, we're not going to go there. | ||
Brian Cannon will be at such and such tonight and tomorrow. | ||
I was like, geez, you guys shut me down real quick. | ||
They live in a world of no fun. | ||
It's really strange. | ||
They live in a world of everything has to be like... | ||
unidentified
|
Formal. | |
All right, let's go over here to the board and take a look at the weather. | ||
Well, what we've got here is a cold front moving in. | ||
That same guy has to do everything. | ||
That same guy has to do... | ||
Tom Cruise in a bit of a blow-up with Matt Lauer. | ||
We'll tell you about it when we get back. | ||
Like, who are you? | ||
I know. | ||
You don't exist in nature! | ||
It's the strangest thing. | ||
Guys who just talk as though everything is just fantastic. | ||
There's certain people that you know shouldn't exist in nature, and they offend you. | ||
They're offensive. | ||
There's something about that. | ||
They're like, okay, I'll let you read the news. | ||
I'll let you be the robot. | ||
But if you fucking try to give your opinion as that robot, well, you know, these days are different than when we were kids. | ||
And a guy like Ray Rice... | ||
She just know better. | ||
Like, okay, you just talked about some important shit in some weird fucking fake voice. | ||
I was just talking about that, about why I have a visceral kind of reaction to that kind of shit. | ||
And I wonder if it's maybe because, historically, those kind of dudes... | ||
unidentified
|
Cockblockers. | |
Well, they were also a liability, right? | ||
Fuck yeah! | ||
Like, you need somebody you can rely on when you go hunt for food, or you gotta go to battle, or whatever it might be, which was mankind's history. | ||
I wonder if those kinds of people were always people you basically... | ||
Because when they talk that way, they're not talking to you. | ||
Well, I don't trust you. | ||
You're not being real with me, so I can't rely on you. | ||
I think that's what it is. | ||
I think that's what happens to me. | ||
Even when I see a guy who's dressed super cool, like there's a lot of time spent on, he's watching himself. | ||
I go, oh boy, I don't know, man. | ||
That looks good on you, but I'm just having a problem with that necklace and that hat. | ||
You have too many rings on. | ||
You got too many rings on, man. | ||
I can't really talk to you. | ||
You're wearing like six rings. | ||
I can't talk to you. | ||
Can't ultimately be friends with you. | ||
That's my problem. | ||
That character you can't trust. | ||
Like, that's Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, right? | ||
You can never count on Dr. Smith. | ||
Dear Will! | ||
Dear Will! | ||
He would give you up. | ||
He would give you up to the aliens. | ||
That's right. | ||
unidentified
|
If the aliens were going to kill him, they're like, I'll tell you where they are. | |
I'll tell you where they are. | ||
And you're like, Dr. Smith, you fuck. | ||
And the dad, who was always like rock solid with a square jaw, kept letting Dr. Smith in, this silly little homo. | ||
I'll let him back in. | ||
Dr. Smith was clearly gay. | ||
Never wanted to have anything to do with the wife. | ||
I mean, he was alone with no women. | ||
He never fought. | ||
Flirted with her. | ||
Never imagined what it would be like. | ||
He never said to him, you're married. | ||
I wish there's no women out here in space. | ||
I mean, you got the best woman on Earth. | ||
There's nothing weird or creepy happen. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He was clearly an untrustworthy gay man. | ||
It's probably one of the most homophobic characters ever because he was so weak. | ||
He wasn't, I mean, first of all, he always watched the kids. | ||
Like, the guy was always watching the kids while the dad, who was the fucking astronaut superhero, was fucking saving the planet. | ||
Yeah, he was a hen. | ||
He was sort of a Yeah, he was a hen. | ||
And he was weak. | ||
He was so weak. | ||
He was clearly gay. | ||
The way he talked. | ||
Oh, dear Will! | ||
He was just so weak and clearly gay. | ||
Like, he was such a homophobic character. | ||
But that was the only way anybody would ever accept a character like that on television. | ||
Yeah, he had to be feminized. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
If he was in that position and he couldn't be trusted, but he was very masculine and strong... | ||
Well, if he was really masculine, he'd be banging the astronaut's wife. | ||
Right. | ||
Or there would be a conflict. | ||
Well, after a while, you're not leaving an alpha male at home while you're going off on expeditions. | ||
No. | ||
Something's going to happen. | ||
Weird shit would happen. | ||
Especially if the dude's untrustworthy. | ||
Especially if you're in space. | ||
You've got no shot at getting back to civilization. | ||
How many seasons did they do? | ||
After a couple of years, you've got to realize, we're going to live out here on the moon for a fucking hundred years. | ||
This blows. | ||
And the kids, they have to fucking listen to this guy. | ||
They're following around with him. | ||
They have to go back. | ||
Dad! | ||
Dad, he's lying! | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That might start banging in. | ||
Having, like, any sort of person in that sort of, like, completely artificial way in your life. | ||
Like, you let them in. | ||
It's like, oh, we let in some weird shit. | ||
Like, if you ever run out to dinner, I know you have, because you hang around with a bunch of idiots. | ||
You ever been out to dinner with a guy? | ||
That's such a rude thing to say. | ||
It's so true. | ||
I know you have, but you hang out with a bunch of idiots. | ||
Listen, you know I love you. | ||
You're awesome, but you hang out with fucking dodos. | ||
It's such an aggressive thing to say. | ||
I've known Brian for so long that I know not to go over to his house when he'll tell me, like, sir, he's a good guy. | ||
He just, you know, he's just a little weird. | ||
He makes a mess or something. | ||
He'd come over his house for some party and he'd be stuck talking next to some loon. | ||
Like, oh, God. | ||
Brian, what are you doing hanging out with this guy? | ||
I know, I know, I know. | ||
He wants to borrow money. | ||
What should I tell him? | ||
Tell him no! | ||
The fuck are you doing? | ||
You'd always have some new person that you were hanging around with. | ||
Who would waste a year of my life? | ||
Dude, that producer guy that you used to hang around with. | ||
When I first started hanging around with Brian, he had this producer guy that he hung around with. | ||
Producer? | ||
Some guy was like a writer who was trying to make some things happen, meetings. | ||
You don't need to name names. | ||
You know what I'm talking about. | ||
I think. | ||
African-American descent. | ||
Oh, yes. | ||
Complete total hustler. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, boy. | ||
And I was like, wait, what? | ||
How'd this guy get in? | ||
Yeah. | ||
This guy's really close to you. | ||
Even I saw that. | ||
Oh, man. | ||
But what did you do? | ||
You kept hanging out with him. | ||
He just was always around me. | ||
You pitched shows with him. | ||
Oh, he loved me. | ||
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
Showed up drunk to a pitch. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I mean, drunk like... | ||
Well, that guy was a... | ||
He believed he was smart. | ||
He believed he was smart and slick and he was going to pull it off. | ||
And he believed his smiles and his charm would mask... | ||
The overall, like, slickster, hustler bullshit that he had underneath. | ||
But there was no substance. | ||
Like, he would pitch ideas. | ||
He'd be like, what is this idea? | ||
This dogshit idea you guys are going to go out with? | ||
He just was all, like, energy. | ||
And he had found a way to integrate himself into Hollywood, you know? | ||
And there's a bunch of those dudes, man. | ||
And you used to always have them around you. | ||
God, there's some of those people in Hollywood. | ||
How many of those dudes did I tell you, dude, you need to get the fuck away from those guys? | ||
Well, I think about how much time I would have saved if I didn't get involved with those dudes. | ||
Then I'd probably find other dudes, you know what I mean? | ||
Like, there would always be someone, and I think it's a personality trait, where I would be pot... | ||
You know, it's almost like, if you're like me, maybe because you moved around so much, you make friends really quickly, and you see the good only, and then you just, you're there to have a good time. | ||
And then, slowly you go, oh wait, you're a complete fucking... | ||
You're a liar, or whatever you are. | ||
You have great... | ||
I'd save so much time if I had your antenna. | ||
You're a genuine... | ||
My antenna's not flawless, man. | ||
There's a dude that slipped through the wire. | ||
There's a couple people that slipped through the wire. | ||
One of them is that Rafael Torre guy. | ||
I didn't really know him, though. | ||
I can't really... | ||
I don't know him. | ||
He was friends with Eddie Bravo, and he turned out to be a fake Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, and he murdered some guy. | ||
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
He's in jail right now for murder. | ||
He murdered some guy. | ||
He was, like, banging the guy's wife, and then, like, they had an insurance policy or something, and he killed the guy. | ||
Oof. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And was driving the guy's car. | ||
Some crazy shit was going on. | ||
But when I met him, he didn't seem like a murderer to me, man. | ||
He seemed pretty fucking normal. | ||
And I didn't ever see him do martial arts, so I couldn't see, like, whether he's bullshit or not. | ||
I just met him at, like, a King of the Cage event and talked to him. | ||
But then you find out the guy's, like, a murderer, and now he's in jail for, like... | ||
You're like, what?! | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
How is... | |
Okay. | ||
Shit. | ||
Maybe if I had a deal with him. | ||
Maybe I had something going on. | ||
Where, you know, we were involved in something together. | ||
Some business transaction or something. | ||
Maybe I could have seen the bullshit. | ||
Maybe, but those guys are slick. | ||
That's their job. | ||
But he wasn't that slick. | ||
Because I did eventually watch a video long after Eddie had outed him. | ||
Eddie had told him, like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
Eddie figured out that he wasn't really a black belt. | ||
This was before Eddie was even a black belt. | ||
Eddie was like... | ||
A purple belt or a brown belt at the time? | ||
It was before he beat Hoyler. | ||
It was long before that. | ||
But we were in the car once, and Eddie fucking broke him down over the phone while we were in the car. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, the guy kept trying to hustle, and Eddie goes, stop, stop, stop. | ||
Are you a black belt in jiu-jitsu? | ||
I just need to hear this right now. | ||
Are you a black belt in jiu-jitsu? | ||
And there was this pause, and he would start some other nonsense, and it's that, well, my dad learned Japanese jiu-jitsu. | ||
It's just stop, stop, stop. | ||
Do you actually have a black belt in jiu-jitsu? | ||
Not your dad, not who you trained with. | ||
And he went, there was like a silent moment, and he goes, I don't want to talk to you ever again. | ||
Okay, you're a bullshit artist. | ||
Like, you made me, I brought you around people, you made me look bad. | ||
Like, you're not being honest. | ||
You're not an honest person. | ||
So, after all that, then I saw a video of the dude working out. | ||
I saw a video of him doing like a spinning back kick on a pad. | ||
It's fucking comical. | ||
I mean, it's like someone showed him 20 minutes before. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
It was ridiculously bad. | ||
But he had a crazy story, this guy. | ||
He was such a hustler, such a bullshit artist, that he turned up, he told this guy, I need you to give me a ride in the woods. | ||
I'm going to this No Rules Karate Kumite, and I'm going to be gone for a couple days, so come back and get me, like around Saturday. | ||
So, he has this big duffel bag with him. | ||
Okay? | ||
This big fucking full duffel bag. | ||
He takes it with him. | ||
He goes off this kumite. | ||
And then the guy comes back on Saturday, and now he's holding a trophy. | ||
Has the guy pick him up at the same spot. | ||
Says, yeah, I won this kumite, and I beat everybody, and now I got a trophy. | ||
And the guy's like, you fucking had a duffel bag that was filled with this fucking trophy. | ||
Oh no! | ||
And you went to the woods. | ||
He told me to come get you in two days. | ||
So he probably walked home, took a nap, ate some food, went back up, waited for the dude to pick him up, you know? | ||
And then, yeah, man, I got the trophy. | ||
I won. | ||
You never know, like my buddy Mitch told me this crazy story. | ||
He goes back to the high school reunion. | ||
And one of the craziest dudes was this guy, Fitzy. | ||
And Fitzy used to, like he'd get on a car and you could drive 70 miles an hour and he was holding on to it. | ||
unidentified
|
He was just crazy. | |
Always the fun guy. | ||
And he'd fight and get crazy. | ||
And he was the sort of hometown, crazy, fun, fucking nutty kid. | ||
Good kid, fun and crazy. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
So Mitch goes back to his high school reunion in Tennessee and he says, where the fuck is Fitzy? | ||
And his cousin, Fitzy's cousin, goes, ah, bro, it's a bad story, man. | ||
And he goes, what do you mean? | ||
He goes, Fitzy's in jail, man. | ||
And he goes, what are you fucking, for what? | ||
And he goes, ah, and everybody got weird. | ||
And he goes, he's just there for a while and he's not coming out for a long time. | ||
What the fuck did he do? | ||
Well, it turns out Fitzy kept going to his Applebee's and there was a waiter there. | ||
And the waiter would wait on him and Fitzy and he became friends. | ||
And so one day Fitzy said, let's go to the cornfields and smoke a joint and hang out and see what we can do. | ||
They go to smoke a joint and Fitzy tries to and does rape him and then tries to kill him. | ||
After raping him, a fight ensues. | ||
A fight ensues. | ||
Mr. Applebee's runs through the cornfield, gets away, and goes, um, the authorities, please. | ||
I was just raped and attempted to murder me. | ||
He was all cut up and stuff. | ||
Well, Fitz, he's in jail now. | ||
That's a weird thing. | ||
He tried to fuck a guy. | ||
Fucking kill a guy. | ||
It's not what you hear every... | ||
And hung out with the guy for a long time at Applebee's and befriended him and had actually planned the whole thing. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
So you never know, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
You never know how crazy somebody fucking is. | ||
Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
The fun guy! | ||
He's fun! | ||
He was the fun guy! | ||
Hey, come on, buddy! | ||
Hey, Fitz is here! | ||
He's got a rock! | ||
He's got a belly flop off the high dive! | ||
Boom! | ||
Oh my god. | ||
And now I'm going to fuck you. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, who knows? | ||
Who the fuck knows? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Those guys, when you grow up, too. | ||
Like, you grow up in a neighborhood, there's like 50 dudes, whatever, that all kind of know each other. | ||
Like, the potential for one fucking unbelievably crazy person is so strong. | ||
Especially if you're in the city. | ||
Have you ever seen that video of the kid who does a backflip off the top of a second-story building? | ||
No. | ||
Yep. | ||
Wild kid in the street. | ||
You know, there's always those wild kids who try anything. | ||
I have seen that video. | ||
This guy does. | ||
And he makes it the first time and does it again. | ||
Oh, I didn't know about that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
The one that I've seen, I've only seen one when a guy makes it and then he's hanging out in a diner afterwards and everybody's like, how the fuck did you do that? | ||
Yeah. | ||
He backed his back to the edge and then just flipped. | ||
Flipped through the air, landed, and collapsed on the ground. | ||
It was fine. | ||
It's one of the most incredible things. | ||
It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. | ||
Did it for zero. | ||
Didn't do it for a nickel. | ||
I mean, maybe he had a bet, but whatever. | ||
I don't know, but it's the craziest thing I've ever... | ||
I mean, I remember that going, oh, that's the craziest thing I've seen. | ||
That shit, that's what happens when people grow up together. | ||
And one guy pushes another guy, and the next thing you've got a Steve-O. You've got some crazy fuck. | ||
Like Steve-O, right? | ||
You've got some crazy fuck. | ||
Well, Johnny Knoxville is the most gnarly. | ||
They're all crazy. | ||
They're all crazy. | ||
Look, Steve-O was with lions. | ||
He climbed a fucking tree, and the lions came up the tree, and they're swatting. | ||
They took his hat from him. | ||
That is fucking crazy. | ||
But he talked about that, and that was a commercial he was doing. | ||
And he said, do they climb trees? | ||
No, don't worry. | ||
They don't climb trees. | ||
And when Steve-O was up there, the lion climbed up the tree and got onto him. | ||
And Steve goes, well, I'm going to die now. | ||
And the trainer took a raw chicken and waved it at the lion and got him away. | ||
But Steve-O tells the story. | ||
Whereas Johnny Knoxville will blindfold himself with a cigarette in his mouth and allow a bull to run through him. | ||
I saw that. | ||
Oh, I haven't seen this one. | ||
Is this another kid? | ||
unidentified
|
Five story. | |
No fucking way. | ||
unidentified
|
Into a pool. | |
Oh, no way. | ||
Why do I not want to see this? | ||
I don't either. | ||
It makes me so nervous. | ||
Is he going to die? | ||
unidentified
|
It's on a new bombs world, though. | |
Look at this. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
That's a bad motherfucker. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
That's a bad motherfucker. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
Please don't do that at home, you guys. | ||
Please don't do that, anybody. | ||
Maybe I'm old. | ||
Please don't do that. | ||
That kid's crazy. | ||
Holy shit. | ||
What did it feel like while he was in the air? | ||
Like, what have I done? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Imagine what that felt like on his balls. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
Because your feet hit, and then your balls just get concussed by that water. | ||
What's funny is he's not in the air for that long. | ||
You know, it's so crazy, like, how fast you fall. | ||
Like, do that again. | ||
How many seconds was he in the air? | ||
Well, not very long. | ||
Don't watch it. | ||
unidentified
|
You can't. | |
It makes you squeamish. | ||
Your voice just got high. | ||
I get super nervous. | ||
I do too. | ||
I get so scared. | ||
When I used to do the Fear Factor stunts, and they'd be like looking over the edge of some of the buildings these people had to crawl out on. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm like, oh. | |
Is this another one? | ||
Oh no, dude. | ||
What is this now? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
Oh no. | ||
Please stop it. | ||
Oh my God, this guy's going to climb or he's going to swing. | ||
This is not good. | ||
I don't know, man. | ||
I just don't think I want to see this. | ||
Well, I do now. | ||
Why? | ||
What's wrong with you? | ||
Because. | ||
It's not even another country. | ||
You got to push yourself. | ||
This is a different language. | ||
This guy could die for sure. | ||
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
What is he doing? | ||
unidentified
|
Why are you doing that? | |
Oh my god. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
Look at this again. | ||
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
That's so crazy. | ||
He barely, barely made it. | ||
Look at that. | ||
What a jump though. | ||
That's insane. | ||
He missed by like a, I mean, inches. | ||
I don't even want to see that. | ||
Inches he would have smashed his knees apart. | ||
unidentified
|
I have trouble sleeping with that. | |
You know, that's an interesting thing. | ||
There was a study on why men do that. | ||
And they were trying to figure out what it is about men that makes them want to do ridiculous stunts like that. | ||
And they said that when men do that, it makes them more sexually attractive to females. | ||
There's certain females that are attracted to men that don't have fear or are willing to overcome fear. | ||
And that... | ||
It's somehow or another, they think, in some way connected to the idea of a brave warrior. | ||
Because a brave warrior faces something that everyone else is terrified of, but faces it head-on. | ||
And that same sort of, like, reaction to watching someone do something that you know as a person is absolutely terrifying. | ||
When they see it, it gets them turned on. | ||
It makes total sense to me. | ||
Totally does, right? | ||
I think that's just a misplacement of energy. | ||
I mean, that guy would have been, you know... | ||
That's a misplacement. | ||
Or it's not. | ||
I'm just saying that back in the day, he probably would have been with a shield and charging into battle. | ||
That's what I mean. | ||
What I was saying is, isn't it essentially the same thing that makes someone like a crazy BMX rider? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
When they do those flips. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
That's kind of the same thing, right? | ||
Of course. | ||
It's also pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do. | ||
But the BMX guy gets money. | ||
If you're a BMX guy and you do flips and shit and you're awesome at it, you can make a lot of money. | ||
I also think it's juice. | ||
It's also adrenaline. | ||
Look, man, getting into a ring every day and fighting dudes where you might get knocked out, that's pretty daredevil-y as well. | ||
That's pretty scary, too. | ||
Oh, no doubt. | ||
Running punts back in the NFL, fucking scary. | ||
Yeah, but... | ||
Any of that shit, you know? | ||
Something about that is, like, when you're fighting, at least you're under your own sort of control in some sort of a way. | ||
Yeah, you have to deal with somebody else, but if you know what the fuck you're doing, you can kind of mitigate a lot of shit, sort of. | ||
At least you hope you can. | ||
That's the ultimate goal. | ||
But man, when you're fucking doing flips off a mountain, you're going off a mountain or a mountain bike, like... | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. | |
Bam! | ||
And then you're landing. | ||
Some of those guys are out of their fucking minds. | ||
I think you get addicted to the adrenaline, too. | ||
100%. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They must. | ||
I mean, if I didn't perform, I would die. | ||
Yeah, but I think it's a way crazier rush that they get. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck, yeah. | |
They're doing, like, two flips on TV and landing on a bike. | ||
They do motorcycles where they flip through the air on a motorcycle. | ||
Then what happens when that goes away, you know? | ||
Well, what happens when it lands on their body? | ||
Ugh. | ||
That's horrible to watch. | ||
Well, Jason Ellis still has to do crazy shit. | ||
He got in the ring with Keith Jardine the other day, and he just put in a mouthpiece, no headgear, and goes, let's just slug it out. | ||
And he starts going at it with Jardine. | ||
Jardine just goes, alright, you know what? | ||
Bang! | ||
Just catches him with an uppercut, knocks him out. | ||
Jason was like, it was fucking awesome! | ||
He just needs the juice. | ||
I was like, but that's Jardine who hit you and knocked you out. | ||
That's not good for your brain. | ||
He's been shut off a bunch of times, too. | ||
I asked him about that once, and he said he's been out cold like six times. | ||
I think that was from skateboarding. | ||
I don't even think that was from fighting. | ||
He loves doing it, though. | ||
Sturdy dude, man. | ||
Yeah, but that causes depression. | ||
Too much head trauma like that, that causes you to do shit that you wish you didn't do. | ||
I think those football players shoot themselves in the chest so that you can study their brain because they knew something was wrong. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Mark Gordon, the guy who's the expert in traumatic brain injury, Dr. Mark Gordon, he said it doesn't take much. | ||
He said you could have one wrong car accident where you don't even get injured. | ||
You just slam forward and hit the steering wheel. | ||
You're fine. | ||
Everybody's fine. | ||
Everybody's fine. | ||
You're a little fender bender, and you're fucked. | ||
You're fucked. | ||
You're depressed for months. | ||
You don't know why. | ||
Wow. | ||
Your pituitary gland is just not functioning properly. | ||
Your brain gets so rattled. | ||
That's why a lot of people with brain injury go on hormone therapy. | ||
Because their body stops producing testosterone and that stuff. | ||
Yeah, well there's a bunch of shit. | ||
Your dopamine levels drop. | ||
Your serotonin levels drop. | ||
Your human growth hormone levels drop. | ||
You get tired. | ||
You know they think that that's a lot of what they used to call chronic fatigue syndrome too. | ||
Chronic fatigue syndrome, they attribute to a couple different possibilities. | ||
One of them is Lyme disease. | ||
They didn't understand Lyme disease. | ||
They didn't start diagnosing people with Lyme disease until the fucking 80s or something like that. | ||
It was a fairly recent disease. | ||
But the other one, I think, might have been depression and head trauma, where they just don't want to get out of bed. | ||
Remember that, when they used to call it chronic fatigue syndrome? | ||
Remember that? | ||
It was called... | ||
I mean, they had different words for it, but yeah, it was like Epstein-Barr virus. | ||
My roommate in college had that for like a year. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I just, you know, had to... | ||
Well, I remember there was some girl that I didn't know, but I knew her like peripherally. | ||
And someone was like, yeah, poor girl, she's got chronic fatigue syndrome. | ||
I'm like, what the fuck is that? | ||
And I think... | ||
I don't know if she had been in a car accident or something, but I want to say she was. | ||
She's like in a serious car accident. | ||
I'm trying to remember. | ||
I'm trying to remember. | ||
It's too long ago. | ||
I might be confusing stories, but I remember thinking like I had met her before and she seemed normal and now here she is when she doesn't have any energy to do anything. | ||
When you have somebody break down just what one organ does and then how it works with all the other organs sometimes, you can't believe that shit doesn't break down more. | ||
It's just such an intricate machine and one thing is dependent on the other. | ||
It's fucking nuts. | ||
Where somebody will have a cavity, an issue with their tooth, and they have unexplained foot Pain. | ||
And all of a sudden they realize that the nerve in the tooth is connected to the nerve in the foot. | ||
And so what was really causing the problem, the pain in your foot, was not your foot. | ||
It was your tooth. | ||
Like an infection or something? | ||
Yes, an infection. | ||
There's a certain nerve that goes from the jaw all the way down. | ||
You know people get fucking heart attacks from tooth infections? | ||
Yes. | ||
It corrodes the artery. | ||
The bacteria corrodes the arteries. | ||
How bananas is that? | ||
It corrodes the valves. | ||
Yeah, it's fucking, you know... | ||
That's why this Ebola thing is so fucking frightening. | ||
Because anything that just immediately shuts your body down, anything that immediately puts your body into a tailspin, 50% of the people that catch this shit die. | ||
Die. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's so weird when something just goes wrong. | ||
Like, everything's great today. | ||
Today, what did I do? | ||
Well, I went and walked the dogs. | ||
I got up. | ||
I played with my kid. | ||
I went and played tennis. | ||
What happened yesterday? | ||
Oh, you know, same thing. | ||
What happens tomorrow? | ||
Ebola! | ||
Yeah. | ||
Boom! | ||
Hemorrhagic virus. | ||
Boils all over your face. | ||
Your face is covered in these giant fucking cell phone-sized puss bubbles. | ||
unidentified
|
Ugh! | |
It's horrifying. | ||
And you're bleeding. | ||
You're crying out of your eyes. | ||
It's like seeing that woman who went jogging in Florida. | ||
And she was, you know, it was like seven at night. | ||
And she had a long day at work. | ||
She went running. | ||
And she just dangled her feet off the bridge. | ||
She was like, I just got to dangle my feet. | ||
I'm just fucking hot. | ||
And an 11-foot alligator was like, I'll take you now. | ||
I'll be having you now. | ||
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
They found her with no arms. | ||
Took her arms. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
Yeah, it was a good time. | ||
Alligator was like, I know I'm an alligator and usually I don't do this because crocodiles do it. | ||
I'm going to do it today to you. | ||
You're going to be the only three people or four people of the year that's going to be eaten by a fucking 11-foot dragon. | ||
That'll be me. | ||
Isn't that weird that alligators, they let them hang around because they're not too aggressive? | ||
It's like they're just docile enough... | ||
They usually run from you. | ||
...that people don't just decide to fucking kill them on sight. | ||
But really, everyone in Florida should be up in arms. | ||
They should run out to the swamps and gun those fucking dinosaurs down. | ||
Like, those are a bunch of kid-eating, dog-eating monsters. | ||
They eat the shit out of dogs. | ||
And a guy was walking his dog, and the alligator didn't go for the dog, went for the guy. | ||
Took the guy. | ||
Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
Jesus. | ||
Yeah, they're just not as aggressive as crocs. | ||
If they were crocs, we would be killing them left and right. | ||
Crocodiles? | ||
You know, they found Nile crocs in the Everglades. | ||
Stop it. | ||
Yes, they have. | ||
There's a shoot on sight order for Nile crocodiles. | ||
I fucking knew it because people used to have them as pets. | ||
Nile crocodiles. | ||
Yep, they don't know if they're breeding. | ||
They don't have any idea, but they've spotted more than one Nile crocodile in the Everglades. | ||
Confirmed sightings. | ||
So they're saying... | ||
Straight up killers. | ||
Yep, you see them, they kill them on sight. | ||
Straight up, they will come right at you. | ||
You are food as a human being. | ||
And they're big. | ||
They get really big. | ||
It's like that Peace Corps girl who's like, oh, they're in Kenya. | ||
Well, the crocodiles died out years ago. | ||
She heard. | ||
She heard. | ||
She goes swimming. | ||
The guy's like, I don't know. | ||
She's like, I'm going to wither out here. | ||
I'm a water baby. | ||
30 seconds later, gets pulled under. | ||
Crock house got my feet! | ||
Vroom, vroom, disappeared. | ||
Dude, there was an article I was reading about these people that were canoeing in the Congo, and the guy behind watches the guy in front gets taken by the croc, where the croc just rises up out of the water and literally snatches the guy and spins the canoe upside. | ||
Kayak, rather. | ||
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Oh, the kayak. | |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
I read about that. | ||
He's stuck in it, and it goes up and down like a bobber, and then plump, and then pops up. | ||
No guy. | ||
That's it. | ||
He doesn't see the guy ever again. | ||
The croc just takes him out of the water. | ||
So the motto of that story is, don't fucking kayak in the Nile. | ||
I mean, in the Congo. | ||
Don't do that. | ||
Fuck, man. | ||
That would be the motto of that story. | ||
You fucking... | ||
Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
They're not like sharks. | ||
They will bother you. | ||
They come after you. | ||
They come after everything. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's what they're... | ||
They're here for cleanup. | ||
The fucking zoologist said in Uganda, he saw a saltwater crocodile, eat a goddamn tire. | ||
Eat a whole tire. | ||
I was like, I'm gonna eat this tire. | ||
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Oh, my God. | |
Ate a fucking tire. | ||
I was like, can you repeat that again? | ||
He goes, it ate a tire. | ||
I go, a car tire? | ||
He goes, yeah, it ate it. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
So, your food. | ||
Yeah, they eat everything. | ||
Your t-shirt, everything. | ||
If you think about it, where are they? | ||
Well, they live in a place that's so rich with life that they have to be consistent in their ability to kill it. | ||
They're the cleanups. | ||
There's too many water buffaloes. | ||
There's too many wildebeests. | ||
When there's too many wildebeests, they go near the waterhole and they get got. | ||
They get snatched. | ||
That's right. | ||
But you know who doesn't get snatched? | ||
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Hippos. | |
Crocs don't fuck with hippos at all. | ||
Hippos wade into the water with crocs and swim right by them. | ||
It's the most amazing thing to say. | ||
Yep. | ||
Because hippos are so fucking violent. | ||
They're like, go fuck yourself. | ||
They break crocs in half. | ||
They cut crocs in half. | ||
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Yeah. | |
We're out of time. | ||
That's it. | ||
We have no more time. | ||
Brian Callan, you are my friend. | ||
You are the shit. | ||
Thank you. | ||
You are hilarious. | ||
If people want to see Brian, it's B-R-Y-A-N Callan. | ||
Has anybody taken B-R-I-A-N Callan and just started tweeting pictures of dicks? | ||
I don't know, man. | ||
I don't know. | ||
B-R-Y. B-R-Y-A-N Callen on Twitter. | ||
All right, my friend. | ||
Much love. | ||
Anything to tell people? | ||
Where are you going to be again? | ||
I'll be in Atlanta Improv October 16th, 17th, 18th. | ||
Come see me. | ||
Go see them! | ||
It's hilarious! | ||
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Yeah! | |
Very funny stand-up! | ||
Mm-hmm! | ||
Brian, you got anything going on? | ||
Columbus, Ohio, Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Indianapolis. | ||
You can just go to deskwad.tv, click on tour dates. | ||
Deskwad.tv, click on tour dates. | ||
That's it, you fucks. | ||
We'll see you soon. | ||
Much love. | ||
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Later! | |
Big kiss. |