July 17, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:41:53
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| What? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Hey, hey. | ||
| How's everybody doing? | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
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| We're also brought to you by Ting. | ||
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| Jim... | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
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| Why fuck around, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Young Jim Norton is here. | ||
| And we're going to get down to the nitty gritty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gritty gritty. | |
| Gritty gritty. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| What a week young Jim Norton has had. | ||
| What a week. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| What a week serious satellite radio has had. | ||
| What a week censorship has had. | ||
| What a week Anthony Cumia has had. | ||
| What a week all the people online that love to bitch and piss and moan and complain and get very excited when something fucked up goes down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, something fucked up went down. | ||
| If you're listening to this, if it's sometime in the future, because these recordings will be saved forever, today's date is July 17th, 2014, approximately a week ago. | ||
| Anthony Cumia was taking photographs. | ||
| Anthony of the Opie and Anthony show, which our pal Jim Norton is also a part of, he was downtown in New York taking some photographs, and from there on it's a bunch of what he says, and I'm sure the woman who beat the shit out of him would have a different story, but he was taking and I'm sure the woman who beat the shit out of him One of the photographs was of this, what are those things called? | ||
| Hooker scaffolding? | ||
| Scaffolding. | ||
| He was walking through the scaffolding. | ||
| A woman was coming towards him. | ||
| It looked like he was just taking a bunch of cool photos of New York. | ||
| There's a bunch of them that he put up on his Instagram. | ||
| Anyway, this woman got upset that he was taking a photo of her. | ||
| Probably thought that he was perving. | ||
| Got mad at him. | ||
| Violence ensued. | ||
| She hit him. | ||
| And he went on Twitter and went on this rant about violence, about the black community and their propensity for violence, about this woman calling her an animal, which she did. | ||
| And Sirius fired him, which left a fucking huge hole in my entertainment world. | ||
| The Opie and Anthony show is my all-time favorite radio show. | ||
| I listen to it all the time. | ||
| And now, all of a sudden, it is no more. | ||
| Yeah, it's a huge hole too. | ||
| No one panicked like me because Opie and Anthony both have kind of fuck you money. | ||
| Jim Norton doesn't. | ||
| So selfishly thinking, I'm like, well, there goes everything because the show's done. | ||
| Well, you're always going to be great because you're a funny comic and you can always work and you never have to worry about that. | ||
| But it is a crazy thing that all of a sudden, like that, For things that he said on the show a hundred times. | ||
| I think what happened was he tweeted... | ||
| I talked to him multiple times since then. | ||
| He was walking... | ||
| And people don't believe that he was actually taking legitimate New York photos. | ||
| That was one of the points of contention. | ||
| He was being creepy, but he really wasn't. | ||
| Anthony has had this giant Hubble-like camera in the studio every day for probably six months now. | ||
| He's getting into photography. | ||
| It's what he's been doing. | ||
| So that was not unusual at all to hear he was out and about taking photos. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| And I guess this woman got angry. | ||
| And I talked to him, and he said that she just said something like, you know, this white boy is taking my picture, you white motherfucker. | ||
| Whatever she said, she clocked him. | ||
| And he kept defending himself. | ||
| And as he's putting his arms up, she is going, don't touch me. | ||
| Like, you know that thing that a woman might do to prevent you from hitting her? | ||
| And you could see how frightening that would be, because then people think you're beating on this woman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he's putting his hand up, and you know, I know Ant well enough to know he's not going to just punch a woman in the face. | ||
| So she's doing that, and I think a few black guys came around, and they didn't do anything to Ant, but they were like, you know, don't touch her. | ||
| So, you know, Ann, who is always armed and he's licensed to carry, didn't hit her. | ||
| He didn't pull out his pistol and went home and I guess was really upset and went out on, like you said, a Twitter rampage. | ||
| And I knew it was bad the next morning when I saw it because my ex-girlfriend called me and she's like, what happened with Anthony? | ||
| He got beat up by a woman? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| So I looked. | ||
| And I saw the tweets. | ||
| I'm like, oh. | ||
| I actually texted him about one. | ||
| I don't think I've ever done that before. | ||
| There was one that I texted him about. | ||
| I'm like, is that... | ||
| You alright, man? | ||
| Is that... | ||
| He's like, yeah, I'm fine. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| It was scary. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, the thing about Ant is he's developed this sort of style of communicating on the show, where he goes on these long, hilarious, entertaining, profanity-filled rants. | ||
| And there's one thing about hearing it, but there's another thing of seeing it in a text form. | ||
| It's just not the same. | ||
| It looks – things don't look good in print, certain things. | ||
| And I think what happened was is in the middle of – like when you have a contextual conversation, it's like you have people, there's inflection, there's another guy next to you going, well, hey, what do you mean by that? | ||
| And then you're clarifying it or – it's just – it's a different – When you're tweeting and you're that mad... | ||
| Any type of an assault, even if it's a woman hitting you and it's not life-threatening, is still like an hour later. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck just happened? | ||
| I think it just freaked him out. | ||
| And she hit him a couple times. | ||
| Five times or so. | ||
| She sent me pictures of his face. | ||
| You could see that he had been struck. | ||
| He wasn't making it up. | ||
| And so he went on, and when I looked at the flow of things, like, I know Anthony, and I know what he's saying. | ||
| He was not calling all black people animals. | ||
| He wasn't, because he's never said that. | ||
| He's talking about a behavior of this woman, and I think that what happened was he was so mad, and when you're tweeting that aggressively, and you're just, you're fucking dealing with this in your head, that sometimes things come out jumbled and muddied, and, like, if you know Anthony, you know what he's saying. | ||
| People who don't know him are reading this going, what does he mean he's saying that there's violence in black people and their animal, like... | ||
| People are putting these pieces of a puzzle together and they're making a picture and it was like – I know him well enough to know that in a conversation, If someone said, are you trying to say black people are animals? | ||
| He would go, no, not at all. | ||
| It's a behavioral-based thing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because he said that about white people, too. | ||
| So, I mean, it was just one of those things where once it was in print, even in context, we lie as a country. | ||
| Like, you know, like when Council Colbert came out, the activist knew the context that he was making those Asian jokes in and didn't give a fuck. | ||
| She still wanted to sink him. | ||
| She's like, no, no, I get it. | ||
| He was trying to, you know, show the difference between the same thing between this and Native Americans and how ridiculous it is, but I don't care. | ||
| We've gotten to a point now where we don't even pretend to not understand the context anymore. | ||
| We admit that we understand the context and we go after people anyway. | ||
| Something like this is bound to sink you because it can be taken both ways unless you actually sit there and talk to the guy. | ||
| Each tweet has to come out like a film. | ||
| Each tweet has to be a beginning, middle, and end with no explanation needed around it in order to To be survivable, if that makes sense. | ||
| Well, you know what the big key to what you said? | ||
| That it could sink you. | ||
| Well, it only sinks you if you work for a company. | ||
| And in my opinion, that's unnecessary. | ||
| In this day and age, it's unnecessary. | ||
| And I think you guys, and I think Anthony for sure, would be far better off with a podcast. | ||
| Anybody can get a podcast and put it on their phone now. | ||
| Everybody's phone has a little jack that sticks into your car, and you play your phone through your car. | ||
| Everybody has that now. | ||
| I mean, it's not an uncommon thing. | ||
| It's more common to have that jack than it is to have satellite radio. | ||
| Most people have to get a satellite radio thing installed in their car. | ||
| Most people already have that jack. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's just so goddamn easy. | ||
| And I bet you could get all the same sponsors. | ||
| I bet you could get all the same sponsors and you would have no middleman. | ||
| And you know, look at the studio. | ||
| It doesn't take much to put something together. | ||
| You know, a little bit of time, a little bit of effort. | ||
| You know, you gotta know someone who's an engineer, know someone who knows how to put the stuff together and set up the microphones. | ||
| But other than that, what's the difference between this and satellite radio? | ||
| I'll tell you what the difference is. | ||
| Nobody can fucking fire you. | ||
| You can go on some cunt rampage, that fucking animal cunt, and no one, you know, people might say, I'm not downloading your podcast anymore. | ||
| But at least you have the opportunity to communicate, to explain yourself, and if the people decide that they don't like your character based on one thing that you said or one rant that you went on, that is their decision. | ||
| But it's not the decision of a company. | ||
| And when things get, you know, companies are squirrely, man. | ||
| They have fucking shareholders and stocks and they have responsibilities. | ||
| And all you need is a few slacktivists that start webpages. | ||
| And, you know, fire Anthony and Anthony Kumi. | ||
| We're going after those sponsors. | ||
| We're going to let them know. | ||
| We're boycotting. | ||
| Mostly just noise. | ||
| Mostly nonsense. | ||
| Mostly just soft targets. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yep. | |
| But all you need is a few of those and a company will panic. | ||
| What happens is it's a billion dollar company. | ||
| So you get guys like Scott and Jim who runs it. | ||
| The 4th of July weekend was coming. | ||
| And then all of a sudden they're getting phone calls from the New York Post and the Washington Post. | ||
| The press obviously has a narrative and they did a shit job. | ||
| But the Washington Post I thought was the worst offender with the way they covered it. | ||
| Because the woman wrote things that was just really revolting to read. | ||
| Which, right. | ||
| She was talking about Anthony saying that these guys came around, and she was saying like, you know, oh, well, I guess if a bunch of African-American, or however she said, a bunch of gentlemen want to defend someone from defaming an African-American woman, it's okay. | ||
| Like, that's what was happening. | ||
| She wasn't acknowledging that Anthony was being hit. | ||
| She acted like these guys had read his Twitter feed and not liked it. | ||
| It was just like she read the Twitter feed in the future. | ||
| In the future. | ||
| It was repulsive. | ||
| Well, a woman who looks like the fucking fake deaf interpreter from Mandela's funeral is beating on Anthony. | ||
| That's a meme. | ||
| That guy's a meme. | ||
| He's rules. | ||
| But the company, these guys just get, all of a sudden they're home and they're getting phone calls in the office the day before vacation. | ||
| So what are your comments? | ||
| And they probably weren't even that familiar with it until they're getting calls from the paper and they're like, what do we do with this? | ||
| And then this is what the press does and this is why you gotta hate it. | ||
| Because I think Sirius was gonna try to write it out. | ||
| That's my opinion because they knew a holiday weekend was coming and this is purely a guess because no one was saying anything. | ||
| And then all of a sudden the press starts going, we have not had a comment from Sirius Satellite Radio, so we're assuming that they agree with Mr. Koumiya's opinions. | ||
| They do this sneaky shit to push you into defending yourself. | ||
| So now the company with shareholders, like you said, has to go, well, how do we tell people that we don't agree? | ||
| It's not like the press made them do it, but the press understands how to corner you into giving a statement, a definitive statement, because they know that you're not used to this. | ||
| They know that these guys coming to work in management positions are not used to getting phone calls going, how do you feel about this statement and that statement? | ||
| It was really... | ||
| It was a very frustrating thing when I saw what the press did with it. | ||
| That, to me, is always who my biggest complaint is with. | ||
| Always. | ||
| It's with the press. | ||
| There's no nuance to the way they report on certain things like this. | ||
| Because there's nuance to this. | ||
| Especially if you look into it in character. | ||
| In context, rather. | ||
| If you understand that guy and you look at him... | ||
| Look, there is a problem with violence in the black community. | ||
| To pretend there's not a problem with violence in the black community... | ||
| Is to pretend that there are insane amounts of murders going on in Chicago. | ||
| To pretend that there's not issues with the amount of black people that are in jail, the percentage of the population. | ||
| Now, are those economic problems? | ||
| Are those problems related to upbringing? | ||
| Are those problems? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Education? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking disparity. | ||
| There's a lot of problems with poverty. | ||
| There's a lot of problems with the structure of our culture itself. | ||
| And that you could attribute a lot of those problems to racism, to racism in the way that funds are allocated, the way that, you know, the attention that society puts on impoverished communities. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Institutionalized. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But to pretend that it's not a problem is ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| So when he's taking a picture of some chick and she starts punching him... | ||
| I think he's allowed to talk about the problem with violence with that community. | ||
| With the community that this person is from that's beating him up. | ||
| Did he do it the right way? | ||
| No. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Did he do it in a way that could be misconstrued or construed or interpreted as racist? | ||
| Absolutely did. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| He did it the wrong way. | ||
| He probably shouldn't have done it on Twitter. | ||
| He probably should have made a video. | ||
| We probably should have made a video explaining, showing what happened to him, and explaining what goes on. | ||
| This 140 fucking characters thing is a big part of the problem. | ||
| Dude, that's exactly what it was. | ||
| Because Anthony is so good at clarifying. | ||
| Whenever you talk about race, or a million other things, whether it's religion, It's so hard to make your point without stepping in shit and then having to go off on 50 digressions. | ||
| Like, no, no, that's not what I meant. | ||
| No, no, that's not what I meant. | ||
| That's the worst part of discussing stuff is that people jump in on the side. | ||
| What are you saying that all people do, all black people? | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| So in order to be able to get your point across, you have to walk a narrow... | ||
| You almost have to close people's argument doors like a Get Smart episode as you're walking. | ||
| This way your point gets through. | ||
| And Anthony is a genius at doing that. | ||
| A genius at it. | ||
| Because we've debated race so many times on the show. | ||
| And him and Patrice would go back and forth. | ||
| And Patrice loved Anthony. | ||
| Because he said Anthony's an adorable racist. | ||
| Patrice was so funny with it. | ||
| He never was upset by Anthony's opinions. | ||
| Because Anthony would listen to him and they would go back and forth. | ||
| Half the time, Patrice was right and half the time, Anthony was right. | ||
| But on Twitter, I think in that emotion, when you're saying X, Y, and Z, I don't think he did as good a job as he should have done of closing those doors behind him. | ||
| Almost like sealing off things that people can get to you on because he was so upset because he had a physical assault. | ||
| And I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles and just defending my friend, but I've been with him for 10 years in this medium of totally uncensored. | ||
| And I'm telling you, I know him well enough to know that he's like, he's got weird things where he'll talk about race and people misinterpret him, and I've talked to him privately, and the guy does not hate black people, and I know that that's just all his friends defending him, but I'm telling you that he does not, because I know him well. | ||
| And then to hear people going, he hates black people, it's like... | ||
| He's just not afraid of being misconstrued or interpreted as racist. | ||
| He's not afraid of it. | ||
| By saying what he really believes is his opinion about certain aspects of a group. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Race, a gender, whatever it is. | ||
| He's not afraid of speaking his mind about things. | ||
| Because he's got that fuck you money. | ||
| That's a big part of it. | ||
| And he's got 150,000 guns. | ||
| Those are two things. | ||
| And you know, a big part of it that drove me fucking crazy is people are not... | ||
| They're not taking into account the reaction that someone has when they get assaulted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Because when you get hit by someone, some fucking stranger that you don't know hits you, especially when you've got a gun! | ||
| You've got a fucking bullet-launching gun. | ||
| You've got a thing inside you that has explosions. | ||
| You press a trigger, explosions propel bullets, and they end lives instantly. | ||
| And Anthony's an expert with one, and he has it on him at all times. | ||
| And he's getting hit! | ||
| And he's like, what the fuck? | ||
| And so he gets on like, fucking animal cunt, bitch, fuck you, this, that. | ||
| You know, getting hit is a very disturbing thing. | ||
| I mean, there's one thing to get hit in a sparring session is infuriating with people. | ||
| You know, I've seen people go fucking crazy because they get choked out in a jujitsu session. | ||
| Getting punched is way more traumatic. | ||
| Getting punched by a stranger multiple times for taking a fucking photograph. | ||
| I don't know what the exchange was between the two of them. | ||
| I don't know if he was saying something that was infuriating. | ||
| I wasn't there. | ||
| I'm not going to pretend I was there, but man, you've got to take into account the reaction that people have when you hit them. | ||
| And again, I hate to keep going back to the press, but they didn't focus on the fact He handled himself properly. | ||
| I don't know if I would have pulled the gun in that moment, but I'm a panicky Pete. | ||
| When other guys were coming over, I would have at least brandished it. | ||
| He acted physically responsible. | ||
| As a fucking guy with a pistol on him. | ||
| People get shot all the time for dumb arguments and dumb things. | ||
| He handled himself absolutely right and lost his cool once he got home. | ||
| And the press didn't take that into account. | ||
| They harped on the fact that he didn't get a police report. | ||
| And I wished he had now in hindsight because they're all going, Mr. Coombe, you did not get a police report. | ||
| But here's the deal. | ||
| Had he gotten a police report, they would have just ignored it. | ||
| They wouldn't have said, well, at least he got a police report. | ||
| They would have glanced over the fact and then said, yeah, well, anyone can get a police report. | ||
| So they were just using that as a reason to kind of ignore the fact that he got hit. | ||
| hit, they're like, "We didn't see a police report." All the press harped on the fact that he didn't get a police report. | ||
| But the answer response was, "Look, man, I know enough cops to know that me getting hit by some lady in Times Square is not a fucking priority for NYPD who's worried about terrorists." Yeah, especially if he's fine. | ||
| lady in Times Square is not a fucking priority for NYPD who's worried about terrorists. | ||
| Yeah, especially if he's fine. | ||
| I think there's a real issue also with the press, with a lot of people in the press. | ||
| I'll clarify that. | ||
| What they're trying to do is they're trying to close those get smart doors as they write a piece as well. | ||
| And as they're writing a piece, they are also trying to placate all the people that are going to be up in arms about their opinions. | ||
| If they could possibly be supporting a racist, if they could possibly be taking his side, agreeing with him, seeing his point of view, they could be misinterpreted or they could be interpreted as being racist as well. | ||
| So they have to worry about that as well, especially if you're with a liberal rag. | ||
| You know, if you have a very liberal newspaper that you work for and they have a clear agenda, which a lot of them do. | ||
| The Washington Times does, right? | ||
| Washington Post does. | ||
| There's a lot of them that have a liberal slant. | ||
| And if you are reporting for them, you know, and it's something like this that's very controversial and something where there's a bunch of things that automatically have like a knee-jerk reaction to them. | ||
| And this is one of them. | ||
| Knee-jerk reaction to what's perceived as racist. | ||
| Yes, and another thing that they do that's even more enraging Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| impartial. | ||
| And they do that a lot too. | ||
| And that I don't like either. | ||
| It's like that to me is the worst crime they commit actually. | ||
| It's the editorializing as they're going along like it's legitimate. | ||
| Like NBC, and I'm not a Zimmerman fan either. | ||
| Ant was a big supporter of Zimmerman. | ||
| I thought Zimmerman should have went to jail for something. | ||
| I didn't know what. | ||
| Legally, I have no ground to stand on, but I kind of thought he was a cunt. | ||
| But not a guy who was out to commit a murder either. | ||
| I thought there was a line in between. | ||
| But whatever. | ||
| Like NBC edited that tape. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| There's no reason to do that unless you're pushing something. | ||
| But they're doing it under the guise of being impartial. | ||
| And I'm sure they've done it plenty of times to vilify blacks. | ||
| I'm not saying they haven't. | ||
| He lost that lawsuit, you know. | ||
| I know he did. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's absolutely nuts. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| The news has such a different level of what they can get away with and what they can do because they're seen as doing a public service. | ||
| In my opinion, though, I think they lost it because everybody was hating that guy and they just didn't want him to win something on top of this. | ||
| The fact that he still has his freedom, the kid lost his life. | ||
| I think he's a sucky fucking security guard. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think if you're going to look at that guy and find fault in what he did, it's how did he handle the situation. | ||
| And would a more confident, competent person have handled it the same way? | ||
| Like, here's a perfect example. | ||
| My friend Big John McCarthy, who's a cop. | ||
| I guarantee you, you know, the referee. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a cop, that guy? | ||
| Was a cop for a long time. | ||
| But great guy. | ||
| But knows how to handle shit. | ||
| If Big John McCarthy saw that kid walking in the neighborhood, he probably would have said, How you doing, man? | ||
| Everything cool? | ||
| You know, had a conversation with him. | ||
| Everything would have been fine. | ||
| Like, even if the kid, like, got up in arms or got mouthy with him, he would have probably calmed him down. | ||
| You know, without having to get into some physical altercation. | ||
| Not only that, the kid wouldn't have been able to mount him and bash his fucking head off the ground because he's physically incompetent. | ||
| If you're gonna fucking patrol a neighborhood, you can't do it just with a gun. | ||
| You can't have the only, the last resort is your only resort. | ||
| He can't physically defend himself. | ||
| He's out of shape, he's soft and doughy, and he's not physically able to hold that guy off, but yet he's put himself in this position where he's like a security. | ||
| He's the force of the truth of the law. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You're not qualified for that job. | ||
| He's just not. | ||
| So when that kid's on top of him, bouncing his fucking head off the curb, Look, I don't see any way out for him other than using a weapon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| When that kid's beating the shit out of him, but he should have never gotten to that position. | ||
| It should have never escalated to that. | ||
| You're telling me the only way two people can communicate like that is it comes into violence? | ||
| No, it's how do you deal with it? | ||
| How do you communicate? | ||
| How did you address this person? | ||
| What did you say when he talked back to you? | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| What were the exchange of words? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, and those things, there's a big difference between... | ||
| There was a video that we played the other day. | ||
| Do you even lift, bro? | ||
| You ever see that guy? | ||
| The Russian guy. | ||
| Is he Russian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's even a worse one. | |
| Is he Russian? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The Pakistani kids, though, in New York were the Bronx. | ||
| The police chief in Bronx, New York, was like, stop doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to get killed. | |
| These two kids are just going to YouTube and they go up to people in horrible neighborhoods and are like, Hey man, you got a problem? | ||
| While he's holding a calculator and he's just trying to be funny, but these guys are just bashing their heads in and stuff. | ||
| And so the Bronx Chief of Police or something like that said, look, stop it. | ||
| But yeah, these videos are getting more popular. | ||
| My point is, if you watch those videos, the guy, he comes up to people that look like they work out and goes, do you even lift, bro? | ||
| Look how small you are. | ||
| And some people handle it great. | ||
| Some people go, you know, like, man, don't pull it up. | ||
| We don't need to see it. | ||
| Some people go, yeah, I mean, I don't even lift. | ||
| I guess I'm small. | ||
| And then they laugh and they walk away. | ||
| And some people threaten them. | ||
| It depends entirely on how two people interact with each other. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| That's what we don't know about the Anthony situation. | ||
| That's what we don't know about the Zimmerman situation. | ||
| It's not just about what went down. | ||
| It's about how did it all play out? | ||
| How could it have been avoided? | ||
| There's little subtleties in language. | ||
| Like when Jonah Hill was apologizing recently, and he's obviously not a homophobe. | ||
| He just got mad and said, suck my dick, faggot. | ||
| It was a stupid thing in a moment. | ||
| And he's on The Tonight Show. | ||
| And again, he's just apologizing. | ||
| I think he never had to deal with something like this. | ||
| And he said something. | ||
| He goes, man, the intent doesn't matter. | ||
| It's the words. | ||
| The words are... | ||
| And it was like, again, I know you're on the spot in that moment. | ||
| I'm not going to crucify the guy. | ||
| But I wish I was there so I could just appear on the seat next to him like in that Woody Allen scene when the guy walks out to correct the guy online and go, no, the intent is everything. | ||
| Because if the words matter, the next time somebody said the fucking Giants killed the Jets, well, we better call the police. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It's the intent. | ||
| We understand every single interaction or phrase has an intent behind it, which... | ||
| Which doesn't always come through in the written words. | ||
| It's an inflection. | ||
| And that's something that you and I had a conversation about with the Tracy Morgan situation. | ||
| With people pretending that what he was saying when he was on stage, that he was going to stab his son if his son was gay. | ||
| His whole act is filled with him saying ridiculous shit. | ||
| This is not a statement. | ||
| It's not an affidavit he's making in court. | ||
| You're taking it out of context because it's a soft target if you do that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I'm going to stab my son because he's gay as a statement of fact or at the end of a political rally is a pretty awful thing to say. | ||
| But if you've opened up with, I'm going to get you pregnant and I'm going to mold shit and make a hat out of it, it's kind of hard to take any one statement and go, well, that's the serious one. | ||
| But that's, again, that's that purposely ignoring context or even when you can't ignore it, saying, yeah, we understand the context and we don't fucking care. | ||
| It's just soft targets. | ||
| People find soft targets and... | ||
| Those targets, look, they're all ganging up on Anthony, too. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| I'm not saying boo-hoo Anthony, but let's pay attention to what's really going on. | ||
| If you're writing an article out of the blue for no reason about Jim Norton, you're the only guy, I think Jim Norton is a despicable person, and you write this article, you have the option to respond to that. | ||
| And you can go, well, who are you, Mr. Reporter Dickwad? | ||
| Let's take a look at you, and then other people can take a look at him, too. | ||
| But when everybody's piling on, it's a free-for-all. | ||
| It's a free ride. | ||
| And then you're there flailing wildly. | ||
| Louis C.K. actually raised a really good point about that. | ||
| When something was happening, he goes, you know, you have to remember, too, everybody's not Googling you. | ||
| Everyone is not Googling Joe Rogan or Jim Norton or Anthony Cumia. | ||
| So you're seeing every result about yourself and it appears overwhelming. | ||
| But the reality is people may be reading Newsday or The Post or The Gawker or Vice or whatever they're reading, but they're not reading every single article on Anthony Cumia or on Jim Norton. | ||
| So that's where the overwhelming thing is sometimes misleading because people are all reading little snippets of it. | ||
| But when the company's getting calls from, again, five or six different outlets, to them it feels overwhelming. | ||
| And like, what the fuck do we do with this? | ||
| Because this wasn't on the air. | ||
| So I think that's what... | ||
| And again, they haven't discussed this with me. | ||
| I'm purely speculating because to them, if it was on the air, I'm guessing they would have said, well, that's what he does on the air. | ||
| But they're not looking at it like, well, he was reacting to being hit. | ||
| I think they just were like, oh, okay, we got to fire him. | ||
| I think that's why they... | ||
| They kind of just reacted very quickly. | ||
| I think they fucked themselves. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| They fucked themselves. | ||
| Because they were supposed to be the place where it was free speech. | ||
| This is the wild place. | ||
| But we're the virus. | ||
| It was the virus channel, remember? | ||
| Now it's SiriusXMTalk. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| It's SiriusXMTalk? | ||
| We have to rename it, but we don't know what... | ||
| They're not asking for my input. | ||
| I don't want my name on the show. | ||
| I want to be on the show, but I don't want it to be Opie and Jimmy. | ||
| I don't want people to feel like I'm jumping into Anthony's seat, because I'm not. | ||
| If they call it Opie's show, I'm much more happy with that, because that's what it was before he met Anthony Comey. | ||
| I would call it We Miss Anthony. | ||
| Yeah, that would be kind of... | ||
| Or Tony. | ||
| We'll call it Tony, so they don't know who we're talking about. | ||
| We'll just say, where's Tony? | ||
| We'll be sneaky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it is a horrible... | ||
| And it's like people get mad at me and Opie and it's like we don't... | ||
| And I tried to say like we didn't... | ||
| Mad at you for what? | ||
| Because people think that we're like a bunch of teenagers hanging out and they're like, you guys should walk in support! | ||
| And it's like, first of all, you dumb motherfuckers that say that. | ||
| Anthony, I've talked to, he wouldn't walk. | ||
| And he told me, dude, you got to make your money. | ||
| And B, I'm under contract. | ||
| I can't just walk. | ||
| I have three more months under contract. | ||
| And Obi tried to clear this up on the air. | ||
| Like, if we just walk out, if they don't fire us and we just walk, and say a bunch more subs leave because they realize, like, wow, the show really is gone. | ||
| Then all of a sudden Sirius wants to take action on us for breach. | ||
| It's a whole fucking legal – people just don't get that part of it and they think that we're fucking Anthony. | ||
| You know who doesn't think we're fucking Anthony? | ||
| Anthony. | ||
| He knows we're not fucking. | ||
| Only an idiot thinks you're fucking Anthony but there's always going to be idiots with opinions out there. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm fine with that. | ||
| When people say like, dude, I love you and Opie but I got to cancel because I'm staying with Anthony, I don't get mad at those people. | ||
| Or if people are like, I'm going to keep serious and I'm also going to listen to Ant, I'm fine with that too because I get the emotion. | ||
| Whatever they got to do to support Ant is cool with me. | ||
| I want them to stay because in my ideal world, they listen to me and Opie and then they fucking listen to Anthony. | ||
| There's no competition. | ||
| We're not like, hey, don't mention Anthony. | ||
| When his fucking show comes out, I'm going to tweet it because I want him to succeed because he's one of my closest friends. | ||
| It's going to succeed. | ||
| It's going to. | ||
| If you just... | ||
| He's an entertaining guy. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| And the platform of the internet is so free and easy. | ||
| And he's already got a full professional setup at his house. | ||
| People don't know if you've never seen... | ||
| One of the main reasons I started this podcast is because of Live from the Compound. | ||
| Because he set up a fucking green screen in his house, a professional studio, and he was playing images behind him of the city. | ||
| He had a green screen. | ||
| A beautiful green screen. | ||
| Professional broadcast quality cameras. | ||
| The whole deal. | ||
| I was like, that's amazing! | ||
| And that slowly but surely led to what you're seeing right here. | ||
| Him doing that while he was already on Sirius. | ||
| And Sirius tried to stop him from doing that. | ||
| They gave him a hard time about that. | ||
| Yeah, I think that was a contractual issue too, where they're like, look, this is the medium you're on. | ||
| But eventually they kind of let him do it. | ||
| It's only helping. | ||
| It would only help the show. | ||
| It's just more advertising, more people paying attention. | ||
| More entertainment. | ||
| It's going to get more people. | ||
| That's what people are realizing about the internet. | ||
| I remember when Lars Ehrlich got all upset at Metallica fans for downloading his shit and it created this huge shitstorm where everybody was like, dude, don't you have enough fucking money? | ||
| You're worried about people downloading your shit? | ||
| More people are going to come see you in concert. | ||
| And that's what it really has turned out to be for all musical artists. | ||
| Yeah, you're not selling as many records, but you're gonna get more fans, and there's more people gonna see you in concert, and guess what? | ||
| That's all your money. | ||
| When you can set that up and have people just come out and see you in concert, that's actually better. | ||
| I'll tell you why I didn't mind Lars doing that. | ||
| What was happening is the music industry was not prepared for the onslaught of downloads. | ||
| And again, they're greedy twats. | ||
| I mean the business, not the artists, but the fucking guys behind the scenes. | ||
| They've been raping artists for years, fucking taking all their money. | ||
| But had it not, because I think iTunes was born of the idea of Napster falling through. | ||
| So it's like, I kind of like it, because now I can go buy a song or two songs. | ||
| Like, I'm not going to download a whole fucking Nicki Minaj album, but there's one song, looking ass nigga is the fucking greatest song ever done. | ||
| It's the fucking greatest thing ever done. | ||
| I don't want to buy the whole album, but that fucking video is sexy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Dude, I fucking love that song. | ||
| I for real love it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| And that I would buy. | ||
| I don't want to buy the whole dumb record. | ||
| I wish we could play it, but we'll get pulled off of YouTube. | ||
| It's a song you can't sing, also with the windows down, too, I found out recently. | ||
| It's a lot of N-words. | ||
| Yes, it really is. | ||
| But the lines she uses in that are fucking great. | ||
| I love the songs. | ||
| That's just an example. | ||
| I can't buy that whole album. | ||
| And I like it for my own dumb little CDs that are on iTunes. | ||
| I like the fact that I can make some money there and they're not just going to... | ||
| People are still going to steal them. | ||
| There's still brilliant people out there, but the majority of people... | ||
| Aren't computer geniuses? | ||
| They're just, I'll go to iTunes for a buck and buy a couple of trucks. | ||
| If it's easy to do, people are going to pay for it. | ||
| If it's easy to one click on Amazon, people pay for it. | ||
| One click on iTunes. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| Make it so it's convenient. | ||
| I think eventually, you're always going to have people that have digital copies of things online. | ||
| It's always going to be the case. | ||
| But people are getting more and more hesitant to do that because a lot of people are getting fucked. | ||
| Like people that are downloading illegal pirating of the UFCs, they're getting sued. | ||
| People that have downloaded movies are getting sued. | ||
| People that upload movies. | ||
| Like a lot of those guys that had a bunch of movies that they were sharing on BitTorrent. | ||
| They're getting sued for fuckloads of money, man. | ||
| And people are like, why are they going after the little guy? | ||
| Here's why. | ||
| Because when the little guy starts to have to... | ||
| People say you can get sued. | ||
| Ah, they can't win. | ||
| Okay, that's how it happens. | ||
| You walk into court and go, your honor, they can't win. | ||
| And he goes, you're right. | ||
| No charge. | ||
| No, you got to pay for a fucking lawyer. | ||
| And a lawyer is a 20 grand hit minimum. | ||
| So the average person, when they have to get an attorney and they realize this is going to cost me $10,000, $20,000 just to defend. | ||
| They don't want to deal with it. | ||
| So a lot of times that's what these little lawsuits are about. | ||
| It's getting people just to back off and discouraging people. | ||
| Well, I got errors and omissions insurance because of a conversation I had with you. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You told me about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you were getting sued. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a very frustrating process because you realize the legal process is not free. | ||
| Even if you think you're in the right, But in a way, it saved me, I think, in the long run, that experience, because now I have it for everything I do. | ||
| My books, DVDs, CDs, I get everything vetted, and I have like $3 million worth of insurance, which is probably a panicky overkill on my part, but I do that because... | ||
| You want to protect yourself even from a... | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| Not frugal... | ||
| Frivolous? | ||
| Frivolous litigation. | ||
| I don't know who's going to come after me. | ||
| Somebody may hear something and it may cause them to bang their fucking head into the wall and then say, I caused an autistic reaction or I caused a fucking... | ||
| What was the one Al Roker made fun of? | ||
| Tourette's? | ||
| No, the Olympic logo is causing some kind of a... | ||
| Epileptic. | ||
| Epileptic thing. | ||
| Whatever it is, someone can always file the suit and you have to pay to defend it. | ||
| So that type of shit, it's nice to have. | ||
| You know that really does happen? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There was a dude that I had on my podcast, his wife was an epileptic, not on my podcast, on my message board. | ||
| His wife was an epileptic and someone had a logo that was like flashing and he started complaining about it. | ||
| You guys need to take that down. | ||
| So then everybody put up a flashing logo. | ||
| Like, it was, of course. | ||
| But then he messaged me, he's like, seriously, if my wife sees that, she'll faint. | ||
| She'll just go into a seizure. | ||
| I was like, come on. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So I had to look it up. | ||
| Like, yeah, it does. | ||
| There was a certain television show that was going on in Japan. | ||
| It was like a kid's show. | ||
| It's the one with the mighty, the four guys, Power Rangers. | ||
| Was it the Power Rangers? | ||
| Whatever it was, this television show made kids have seizures. | ||
| For whatever reason, certain kids that have a certain issue, they would watch these flashing things and just seize up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most video games now have that at the beginning. | |
| Like, if you play the video game, this game could cause seizures if you have that. | ||
| They used to have to warn you, so you've been pre-worned. | ||
| That's so fucking weird. | ||
| By the way, everything that we deal with that's annoying, everything is because of lawsuits. | ||
| So we kind of have brought it on ourselves too. | ||
| Like people are like, why do they have to – companies have to be so – like I'll get annoyed at Syria sometimes. | ||
| Like what the fuck? | ||
| And then I'm like, oh yeah. | ||
| They have a shitload of people working for them and every one of them has access. | ||
| To human resources. | ||
| And any one of those people could just go to human resources and say, this is a hostile work environment because of something – because people are like, why can't we look at a girl's ass in the hallway? | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Pinch your ass like it's 1950. And then when they sue the company – The company's like, what the fuck? | ||
| We got to pay to defend this because you couldn't keep your hands off her? | ||
| So as much as companies can drive me nuts sometimes, all of these protective barriers that have been put in place have been because citizens have filed lawsuits, some that were very legitimate, like sexual harassment. | ||
| Guys are kind of pieces of shit with that. | ||
| That was probably a bad example because most guys, you know... | ||
| Women tell me horror stories about what they've got to deal with at work. | ||
| I can only imagine. | ||
| Yeah, it's more than just a glance. | ||
| It's a guy rubbing his dick on her while they're getting coffee and going, hey, I'm kidding! | ||
| It's like, how do you fucking deal with that if you're... | ||
| But the companies have to deal with this, so then they put all this shit in place to protect themselves from these litigious... | ||
| Fucking shithead employees. | ||
| Yeah, there's both, right? | ||
| There's real scenarios where people are getting sexually harassed, and that is uber fucked up. | ||
| You know, could you imagine being a chick in an office and some guy you don't want to have anything to do with consistently hits on you and tells dirty jokes and fucks with you and asks you if you're gaining weight, if you ignore them? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, they start getting weird. | ||
| Guys are gross, man. | ||
| Creepy. | ||
| I'm so glad I'm not a chick. | ||
| I couldn't imagine being a heterosexual woman having to deal with men who want to fuck me. | ||
| Or just the energy, like the things that you can't prove in court, but the energy of the guy who wants to fuck you comes over with his dumb dick up against the fucking top of your desk. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Well, I'm just saying hello. | ||
| He's resting. | ||
| He's resting it, yeah. | ||
| It's all mushed up. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| Half plump. | ||
| That kid's fucking making men and women work together for eight hours in a row together in a closed-in environment. | ||
| It's automatic sexual tension between some folks. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no way around that, man. | ||
| No, from a guy's point of view, at least. | ||
| I think women are better because their whole thing is picking which guys they want to fuck. | ||
| I think women are better at going, this is professional. | ||
| I'm not going to do that. | ||
| We're just awful at it. | ||
| I know I'm awful at it. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like that's the social environment of the office. | ||
| There's always going to be weirdness in the office. | ||
| And then if you have those fucking office parties where people get a little liquored up and it all comes out, you start dancing and shit and a little nuttiness. | ||
| Next thing you know, people are getting fucking sued. | ||
| Yeah, you're dropping someone off and you wind up jerking off in front of her in the car and she goes in and feels dirty because it happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever, whatever. | |
| What's the big deal over here? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're friends. | |
| We worked together for six months already. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking holiday parties, bitch. | |
| I cleaned the dash. | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| I thought you wanted it. | ||
| We have female interns. | ||
| That's what keeps me from hitting on the interns. | ||
| I'm fucking, as Florentine would say, I'm Pete professional with the interns. | ||
| I don't fucking... | ||
| I'll joke with them on the air. | ||
| I don't fucking look at their asses in the hallway. | ||
| I don't flirt with them. | ||
| Because A, the most of them are 21 and 22. I don't want one of them misinterpreting something and going to human resources and going, this 45-year-old piece of garbage is hitting on me, and then I'm going to sue you. | ||
| And then the company's like, we're going to get sued. | ||
| Because companies have lost a lot of money with that. | ||
| They've lost, in legit cases, but they don't want to take a chance. | ||
| So then they're going to fucking look at me and go, one more time, whatever. | ||
| So that's why I don't do it. | ||
| Another aspect of this crazy litigious society that we live in is patent trolls. | ||
| That's the thing that Adam Carolla is going through right now, and we're all a part of it, and we're trying to help him raise money for his legal funds. | ||
| It's going to cost him a million dollars, a million dollars to defend against this patent troll. | ||
| And they already had a hearing, and during the hearing, or they had whatever it is, when they meet down and they discuss The merits of the case. | ||
| The case is essentially thought to be frivolous, but they're still going forward with it. | ||
| Motion to dismiss. | ||
| They probably tried a motion to dismiss. | ||
| They said no. | ||
| So either I guess what they will do is go for... | ||
| My guess will be the next step, or they can go for summary judgment, maybe where they process all the facts and they say, should we go into depositions or whatever? | ||
| And again, it might be different in this kind of case, but there's a lot of... | ||
| That's a patent troll-friendly area where they're from. | ||
| Which is why I think that a lot of these people set up offices in that part of Texas. | ||
| But fucking the Supreme Court just shot down... | ||
| They really hurt patent trolls. | ||
| Saying something that you can't patent ID... Like you can patent... | ||
| A method of delivering an idea, but you can't patent the idea of just episodic things on the internet or whatever it was that they said you can't do. | ||
| Let's give them a shout out here. | ||
| Mike August sent me this. | ||
| He's the guy who runs Adam's show over there. | ||
| He sent me this thing about it. | ||
| This is the full deal. | ||
| So far, they have raised $425,000 for their defense. | ||
| Their most recent bill. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| They have been running at $100,000 a month. | ||
| $100,000 a month for the last three months in legal bills. | ||
| So they're now at a deficit of $20,000. | ||
| Personal audio has shown no signs of backing down from their litigation posture despite a discovery process that has revealed a completely weak connection to be drawn between their purported patent apparatus and the dissemination of media files that we do as podcasters. | ||
| So what they're hoping for Is that Adam somehow or another taps out, and if he does, then they try to hit everybody who podcast with, you know, hey, give us $20 a month or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| So they're going to have to raise another $500,000 to $750,000 to continue with the litigation. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's sickening. | ||
| And the only thing is, and I don't know what it's like in Texas. | ||
| I know in New York it's hard to get, but everyone thinks like, well, hey, man, I'll just try to get them to make them pay for my legal fees. | ||
| That doesn't always happen, and judges don't like to do that. | ||
| They don't like to give a, I forget what it's called, but it's when you make the suing attorney. | ||
| Where the plaintiff pay the defendant's legal fees. | ||
| It has to be proven to be such a frivolous thing. | ||
| So that's a really hard thing to do. | ||
| Yeah, and if you want to help, this is the way they've got it set up to help. | ||
| They have a Podcast Legal Defense Fund Amazon account. | ||
| And what that is, is if you buy something from Amazon, if you do it through that account, they get a kickback. | ||
| They get a piece of the action. | ||
| So it doesn't cost you anything as a person. | ||
| So if you use Amazon a lot, like I do, I love to use Amazon. | ||
| If you use it, please use it through the podcast Legal Defense Amazon Fund. | ||
| If you just Google that, it's on fundanything.com. | ||
| You can find the... | ||
| The link to it and Adam has a video up there that explains what's going on and how this all got started. | ||
| It's really gross. | ||
| And if you look at what the actual patent is itself, it's crazy that they can sue for it. | ||
| It's essentially releasing things in a serialized form, like a form 1, 2, 3, and 4, on the internet. | ||
| I mean, that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a playlist. | |
| Yeah, I mean, that's like, that's crazy. | ||
| Like, the idea that you could patent that is just fucking bananas. | ||
| Yeah, and it's very, I forget what it's called when they give them money. | ||
| It's really rare. | ||
| And in London, in England, in London, in fucking England, I think they're much more likely to, because a lot of people are less likely to sue for something that they might be frivolous. | ||
| Although you may not be able to recover on a frivolous lawsuit because there may be legal merits to this lawsuit even if they lose. | ||
| What are the personal audio they're called? | ||
| It may not be a frivolous suit like in the legal system's eyes. | ||
| The legal system may see this as a legit suit that they win or lose as opposed to a frivolous one. | ||
| So Adam may not be able to get his money back even if he wins. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| I totally hear you. | ||
| So even if he wins, he might still be hit with all these legal fees. | ||
| Sure, and of course whoever loses will appeal. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm guessing that the other place has more money than Adam does. | ||
| So an appeal will cost money. | ||
| And everyone who podcasts has a very, very vested interest in this because I don't think it's a good lawsuit. | ||
| I mean, I don't think that they're right to ask for this at all. | ||
| I think it's bullshit. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And these guys have already made a shitload of money suing Apple. | ||
| I think they made $7 or $8 million. | ||
| $8 million, I think, on the playlist or something. | ||
| Something about a playlist. | ||
| Something fucking crazy. | ||
| I have to piss badly. | ||
| Don't worry about it, man. | ||
| So anybody that wants to help, just go to fundanything.com. | ||
| Just Google Podcast Legal Defense Fund. | ||
| Amazon account. | ||
| Yeah, you'll find it. | ||
| You'll find it. | ||
| And just try to do your Amazon shopping through there. | ||
| If everybody does that, it will make a big difference. | ||
| And it'll be no hardship whatsoever for anybody that's helping to support the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Also, on their Fund Anything page, they have a bunch of different packages. | |
| One's $20, one's $40, or whatever. | ||
| It comes with a bunch of stuff. | ||
| So if they want to help out by using a package. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and Adam's a good guy. | ||
| And I'm glad he's doing this. | ||
| I'm glad he's not buckling. | ||
| I don't know why he got hit up and other people didn't get hit up. | ||
| You didn't get hit up? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I got hit up. | |
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Are you asking for money? | ||
| Because I think it has something to do with subscriptions or asking for money. | ||
| Did you ever ask for any money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, the only thing that we have at Death Squad is just buying t-shirts, which I've been trying to keep as separate as possible from, you know... | ||
| Well, it's totally separate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's just your t-shirts. | ||
| And if you want those, folks, go to getdeskwad.tv if you see those cats and the hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have hats, we got flasks. | |
| The hat that you're wearing right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep, the one I have right now. | |
| Kapow, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And flasks, flasks. | ||
| So you can be one of those old-timey drunks, put a warm flask of whiskey in your back pocket and fart on it all day. | ||
| Pour it into your coffee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Protect your chest pocket from bullets. | |
| Yeah, that does happen upon occasion. | ||
| By the way, thanks for the fanny pack. | ||
| I like it a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You like it. | |
| And the first thing I thought of, because I toured with Dice, was Dice would go nuts for this. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, Dice had something to do with it. | ||
| Well, Dice got a Roots fanny pack, and he was wearing it. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| And I was like, where'd you get that fanny pack? | ||
| He's like, go, check it out! | ||
| Ah! | ||
| And he gave it to me to check out, and I ordered one from Roots, and then I contacted Roots, and I had them design mine with the Higher Primate logo on it. | ||
| So good, dude. | ||
| So I'm selling those. | ||
| Yeah, fucking fanny pack's the way to go. | ||
| People are scared of fanny packs. | ||
| Let me explain something to you. | ||
| A girl who will not fuck you because you're wearing a fanny pack was not going to fuck you anyway. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And if she was going to fuck you, it wasn't going to be worth it. | ||
| It was going to be one of those where she fucks you, she's like, ugh, what am I doing? | ||
| Plus, I don't try to get laid in my fanny pack. | ||
| I don't like going to a club wearing a fucking fanny pack. | ||
| I wear it when I fly. | ||
| I like to fly comfortably. | ||
| People are always like, what are you wearing that for? | ||
| Because I don't want shit in my pockets. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Sorry, am I supposed to look like the Fonz on a fucking plane? | ||
| Why am I doing the Fonz? | ||
| You know who the Fonz is. | ||
| Why try to be a fucking cool image on the plane? | ||
| It's like I'm flying. | ||
| I'm right from the airport right now. | ||
| I'm wearing my oversized Aussie shirt and my sweatpants. | ||
| You fly to be comfortable. | ||
| Yeah, and that's such an easy thing to do. | ||
| You take that thing off, put it in the tray. | ||
| It goes through. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| Clip it back on. | ||
| You don't have to empty your pockets out. | ||
| And it doesn't include as one of your carry-ons either when you have it around your waist. | ||
| So if you have like a backpack and a suitcase, you could also have a fanny pack attached to your body so it doesn't count as much. | ||
| Not true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| It does. | ||
| With certain cunts. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You had that? | ||
| I had a woman tell me that I had to take it off, and I put it in my bag. | ||
| I'm like, are you serious? | ||
| I go, what is the difference between this and a pocket? | ||
| She goes, it's a bag, sir. | ||
| You have to have your bag inside another bag, or you're going to have to check it. | ||
| She was just being a cunt. | ||
| Of course she was. | ||
| And I was like, oh, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| But you can't say you're being a cunt, because that's a really... | ||
| that's the woman with you on the plane. | ||
| She was cunt-y. | ||
| Of course she was. | ||
| So I just opened up my backpack and stuffed it in there, but I was like, this is the dumbest fucking shit ever. | ||
| I'm sitting, by the way, in my seat when she said this to me. | ||
| Wait, you were on the plane? | ||
| Yes, on the plane, sitting in my seat with my belt buckled, the whole deal. | ||
| So I had to take off the fanny pack and put it in my fucking backpack. | ||
| The one time only for this one chick that just decided... | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You know, that's what happens, man. | ||
| You run into the wrong person. | ||
| Was it a major airline or was it a subsidiary, like a smaller... | ||
| Delta. | ||
| You have Delta, but was it a big plane or a small plane? | ||
| Yep, big plane. | ||
| Because a lot of times the ones on the... | ||
| You had Continental, you had Continental Express. | ||
| United, United Express. | ||
| And the United Express and Continental Express, there are other airlines... | ||
| Or American Eagle. | ||
| That's not American Airlines. | ||
| They're a smaller airline operating with the American logo. | ||
| So they're a totally separate airline. | ||
| So what will happen is they, to me, on the smaller planes are fucking worse with the regulations. | ||
| Headphones out, please! | ||
| Like whether you were listening to music or not. | ||
| It never happened to me on a big plane. | ||
| It was always those little American Eagle, United Express, Continental Express or whatever the Delta was. | ||
| That's weird, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, because you're not operating. | ||
| They're operating some of the equipment. | ||
| It's like Corgan Express or whatever the fuck it's called is the actual airline. | ||
| They use United Paint and United Ticketing but they're operating kind of as a courier service for United or whoever they are. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's got to be a tough gig to be a flight attendant. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But that's just creating issues. | ||
| There's no need to do that. | ||
| I'm friendly. | ||
| If you're with me, I've never gotten an issue. | ||
| I mean, I didn't even argue with her. | ||
| I said, really? | ||
| I got to take this off? | ||
| And she goes, yes, sir, that's a bag. | ||
| I'm like, all right, just put it in my bag. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| I don't need to... | ||
| But that's just creating an issue for no reason. | ||
| I saw a man and another man get in a mild dispute about something, and this woman, who was the flight attendant, treated both of them like they were fucking children, and just rode it into the ground, didn't let it go, brought out the pilot, made the pilot talk to both men. | ||
| Totally unnecessary. | ||
| What were they disputing, though? | ||
| They were disputing overhead space. | ||
| And this is what happened. | ||
| A guy had more than one thing in an overhead, and another guy went to put something in. | ||
| He opened up the thing, and there was no space in there. | ||
| And I think he said something like, you know, you've got, you know, why do you have two things in there? | ||
| And the guy said, hey, first comes, first serve. | ||
| And the other guy says, bullshit. | ||
| And he sits down. | ||
| That's it! | ||
| One guy's got two bags. | ||
| He puts it in there. | ||
| And he goes, there's no room for other people. | ||
| He goes, hey, first come, first serve. | ||
| The other guy goes, bullshit. | ||
| And he sits down. | ||
| That's the whole dispute. | ||
| The woman wouldn't let the guy have a drink. | ||
| The guy asked for a drink. | ||
| She goes, no, you're not going to have a drink. | ||
| If I decide to let you have a drink later, I'll let you have a drink. | ||
| She brought out the pilots. | ||
| And she even talked to me. | ||
| She was like, if things go crazy, if either one of these guys gets out of line, I'm looking to you to take care of this. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, yeah, these guys aren't... | ||
| No one's getting out of... | ||
| You're creating something out of nothing. | ||
| But she kept harping on it and pestering. | ||
| You know how there's some people that if they get in an argument about something, like whatever it is, if there's something that winds them up, even if it's minor, they will beat it into the ground until it becomes major. | ||
| They'll just ride you, ride you, ride you until you're like, can you shut the fuck up? | ||
| It's almost like she was trying to get these guys to blow up so she could justify... | ||
| Her whatever internal strife, her internal anger that she was projecting onto the situation. | ||
| But I saw the whole thing go down. | ||
| It was so minor. | ||
| Either that or she was on a flight once where two drunks began arguing and the flight got diverted and then she was late. | ||
| Like she was supposed to meet a guy with a huge dick and she missed it because her plane had to land in Des Moines. | ||
| I like your story better. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Because in my story, she's just a fucking measly cunt. | ||
| In my story, she was fucking on her way to get some giant dick, and she didn't want either one of these fucking petty zilches to interfere. | ||
| It was the way she talked to them. | ||
| It was like she had a green light. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| To say what she wanted, to push the issue as hard. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| And look, I mean, after 9-11, we all changed what we saw flying, and we got to give them a lot of leeway. | ||
| But there does get to be a point where you have to be able to go like, look, you're being a fucking complete and utter twat right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you can never say that anymore, ever again. | ||
| Well, I do look at situations very differently. | ||
| If I see people getting into dispute on an airplane, I do look at it like it's a potential... | ||
| I mean, I don't look at it as like a terrorist situation, but I do look at it as a potential like, well, you know... | ||
| People do bad shit to each other sometimes. | ||
| Bad shit can go down. | ||
| And people are still allowed to carry a lot of fucking dangerous shit on planes. | ||
| They took away pool cues, and they took away knives and a few things, and they were going to bring back pocket knives and pool cues, but then they changed it. | ||
| Because what happened? | ||
| Someone did something. | ||
| Oh, that guy showed up in LAX and shot a bunch of TSA workers. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| He killed that one TSA worker. | ||
| That guy, they pulled back this regulation change that they were going to have because of this guy. | ||
| But people still bring skateboards on. | ||
| You could fuck somebody up with a skateboard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| A MacBook Pro, even. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That shit's fucking titanium. | ||
| Or just let it get all... | ||
| Or close it while it's still on, because they always heat up and then say to somebody, hold this, and they're like, ah, and scar their arms. | ||
| That's like a really passive way to beat somebody up. | ||
| Yeah, especially if you rub the bottom of it and get it all friction-y. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just rub it on them and watch them get shocked and burned. | ||
| But yeah, the idea of violence on a plane just freaks a lot of people out. | ||
| It should. | ||
| It plays a little, again, the diversion of the flight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've seen too many videos of guys yelling and screaming or that one fucking... | ||
| Bipolar cunt, wherever they're from, trying to open the door. | ||
| I'll tell you a big part of it, and we've seen so much more in the last 20-something years because there's no more smoking on planes. | ||
| And I'm glad, but I think a lot of what you see in rageful situations is people jonesing for cigarettes because there were times where I couldn't have a cigarette Best thing I ever did was quit smoking in 2001. But when I'd be on a flight, if we were going, when I was opening for Dice, if we were going to Dallas and say there was an hour delay, fuck, that's another hour. | ||
| I can't smoke. | ||
| And you start, your body, you start to feel that fucking, that withdrawal. | ||
| And a lot of people are probably going through that On planes and freaking out that they can't smoke. | ||
| Oh, I guarantee. | ||
| And I'm glad they can't smoke, but I think that's a part of... | ||
| And then these fucking petty douches not even letting you have the fake... | ||
| Some of the fake cigarettes do smell. | ||
| Kurt Metzger, who's a good friend of mine, was writing for the show that I'm doing. | ||
| We would smoke these fucking things in the editing bay. | ||
| They smell like vanilla bark. | ||
| And they're nowhere near as offensive as a real cigarette. | ||
| But it was still like... | ||
| It was like a sweet asshole wafting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like... | |
| What the fuck you doing? | ||
| He had one that he was smoking in here for a while with strawberry. | ||
| Well, you know, the thing I'm reading about those is they don't know if that shit's safe because you're breathing something. | ||
| It's not vapor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're breathing something that has something in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You know, and there's no studies that have been done on it. | ||
| There's no studies about the secondhand smoke and... | ||
| Whatever it is, it's also, you're making someone breathe your smell. | ||
| It's like if you were spraying perfume in the area, I'd be like, come on, fuckhead, why are you spraying perfume? | ||
| Making people aware of your scent. | ||
| Just wearing perfume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Women don't know how to wear perfume right. | |
| Some do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most of them don't. | |
| You're generalizing like crazy. | ||
| But you can go anywhere where there's women and smell perfume if you focus in on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, why am I having to smell this? | |
| I was in a restaurant recently, and some guy had one of those big-ass vapor pipes. | ||
| I mean, it was like a big, fat tube one that he was puffing on, and it was filling the restaurant with smoke. | ||
| But because it's like a vapor pipe, or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be, and not lighting a fire, it's supposed to be okay. | ||
| But I'm like, this is crazy. | ||
| Because I was eating with my kids, and I was like, we're sitting here in this guy's smoke. | ||
| It was a lot of it. | ||
| I mean, he was taking these, and you could see it. | ||
| It wasn't like those blue cigarettes, you know those things? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Those blue e-cigs? | ||
| When you blow those out, it's like it's up and it's gone in seconds. | ||
| It doesn't have any smell. | ||
| That's kind of what I'm thinking of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those are the ones that are okay. | ||
| But those fat ones that are like, they're all different in their delivery method. | ||
| They're all different in the way they burn the oils and tobacco oil. | ||
| Some of them, it's fucking smoke. | ||
| It's smoke. | ||
| I mean, you're burning oil instead of burning plant matter. | ||
| Okay, yeah, it's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have smokeless ones now, though, also. | |
| Those, you know, those you can't argue with. | ||
| And also gum. | ||
| You know, nicotine gum, I guess, is great. | ||
| It never helped me when I was smoky. | ||
| I would try it on planes. | ||
| It tasted like pepper, and it never did anything for me. | ||
| Makes me want to puke, almost. | ||
| Isn't Marin addicted to those? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So is Rich Voss. | ||
| This is how awful Rich Voss is as a human. | ||
| He'll fucking come in the studio, and we're chewing them in mid-story, and then he'll tuck one up under his gun. | ||
| Have you ever had Voss on here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And he'll eat, though, while one is under his gums. | ||
| He'll eat a fucking tuna fish sandwich. | ||
| Say it the way he would say it, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tuna fish. | ||
| Or fucking white fish, whatever awful food he'll eat. | ||
| White fish. | ||
| With his fucking thing tucked up under it. | ||
| Voss is a weird guy. | ||
| Very. | ||
| He's really one of the most underrated funny people. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| And he's funny off the cuff more so than he is on stage. | ||
| Lightning. | ||
| This is a joke that we've been quoting. | ||
| We had Pete Rose in the other day. | ||
| I listened. | ||
| Oh, did you hear that? | ||
| And the line he had, it was so fast, it was almost depressing. | ||
| Whereas I think Pete Rose said to Voss, he goes, Hey, you're a little winded. | ||
| And Bob Kelly was in. | ||
| And he goes, You're a little winded. | ||
| And Voss goes, That's because I had to walk around you and Bobby. | ||
| LAUGHTER Like that fast. | ||
| So fast. | ||
| It was like he had been waiting for someone to say, Voss, you seem winded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So just when you want to just take a fucking pickaxe and hit Rich in the chest, he reminds you of his comedic brilliance. | ||
| Like he'll do something like chew the gum with the whitefish and you hate him, but then he says something that's so comedically brilliant. | ||
| Like this guy, there's a genius to Rich Voss. | ||
| I love how you guys had just gotten done talking about how no one's going to sit in Anthony's seat. | ||
| We should probably put a glass box around it. | ||
| Voss comes in the room. | ||
| The first thing he does is sit in Anthony's seat and he goes, I never really liked that guy anyway. | ||
| He's just a fucking Asperger's funny guy. | ||
| That's where Voss is. | ||
| He's completely... | ||
| He'll make fun of anybody. | ||
| He'll make fun of anything. | ||
| He kind of does a purity to Rich that... | ||
| And he's 60. He's fucking... | ||
| He just turned 57, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He's really up there and he's childish and he's petty. | ||
| How old is this kid? | ||
| He's got a few. | ||
| He's got three. | ||
| His daughter Raina I think is six or so with Bonnie or five and his other kids are like college age. | ||
| So he had her when he was 52. Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And his other kids are grown. | ||
| They're like college age girls. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Have you ever listened to their podcast? | ||
| I did it once. | ||
| I was the guest. | ||
| It's painful. | ||
| I think Bill Burr's doing it in Montreal. | ||
| My wife hates me. | ||
| She's so brutal to him. | ||
| She's so brutal. | ||
| And she's so much faster than him. | ||
| She's so smart. | ||
| But it's so funny to listen. | ||
| Nobody has a better sense of humor about each other as a couple. | ||
| I've seen them brutalize each other. | ||
| The things that would destroy me as a member of a couple, and they just laugh it off and they're fine. | ||
| I can't believe. | ||
| They're like two goldfish. | ||
| Like they just forget the hatred they spew at each other. | ||
| And my wife, they're so funny together. | ||
| To me, that's the relationship that two comedians should have. | ||
| And I could never have one. | ||
| Well, it'd be a great reality show. | ||
| I'm amazed that they don't have one. | ||
| Because the business stinks, that's why. | ||
| Our show business stinks. | ||
| That they haven't taken fucking Rich and Bonnie, these two fucking- But have they been presented anywhere? | ||
| A million times. | ||
| And they're good at pitching shows and Bonnie is really good at it. | ||
| They're funny in the meetings. | ||
| I don't know why they haven't. | ||
| Maybe because they don't... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was just saying maybe they don't. | ||
| I couldn't even think of a follow-up reason. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The only thing that I could think of is that shows with comedians... | ||
| I mean, how many reality shows with comedians have there been? | ||
| Tammy Pescatelli had a show for a while. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| I do not. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Does anybody... | ||
| I mean, Last Comic Standing is kind of a reality? | ||
| You think it's because comedians are too... | ||
| That would have did it. | ||
| Pauly Shore killed the whole fucking genre. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Faked it. | |
| Or is it because comics are actually concise funny and not situational? | ||
| Like, comedians are not goofy Situation funny. | ||
| Like, uh-oh, doesn't realize she's putting pepper on her oatmeal. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Like, you know, every dumb cunt in a reality show does something stupid. | ||
| I'm gonna look for a watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| It's upside down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| It's six, seven o'clock. | ||
| Where are my keys? | ||
| You're holding them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| Yeah, and comics would just dissect. | ||
| Comics are too in the moment. | ||
| This is how dumb we are as comedians. | ||
| We'll say like, you know, hey, what do you want me to do? | ||
| There's a guy with a camera looking at me. | ||
| We acknowledge too much. | ||
| I did Family Jewels. | ||
| I roasted Gene, and then they wanted me to do this kind of like pseudo-reality thing at the end with Gene and his wife and someone else. | ||
| But of course, like a douche, I referenced the camera guy. | ||
| I'm like, you're not supposed to mention. | ||
| That he's here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, what? | |
| Maybe that's what it is. | ||
| Maybe we're too... | ||
| We don't know how to shut the fuck up. | ||
| I love Gene Simmons. | ||
| I can't watch that show. | ||
| It's just so goddamn fake. | ||
| I love him, too. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I can't watch the show. | ||
| I saw him the other day. | ||
| He was at the Glory Kickboxing Fights in LA. It was fucking awesome to see him again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, however... | ||
| I can't watch. | ||
| There's just so much fuckery in those shows. | ||
| There's no reality shows. | ||
| Every reality show has these fixed scenarios, and they're faking shit that you would never think they fake. | ||
| They were talking about the storage war shows. | ||
| They just fill those storages. | ||
| They fill them. | ||
| They set it all up. | ||
| It's all fake. | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| Open the door. | ||
| We don't even know what's in there. | ||
| What's in that typewriter? | ||
| You fucking put it there! | ||
| They put the whole thing there! | ||
| They put everything in those boxes. | ||
| It's all fake. | ||
| You're hoping that they open one from Hannibal Lecter, one of his clients. | ||
| Nice limo with a fucking head in a jar. | ||
| That'd be a great... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hester Moffat. | |
| You're hoping it's one of those. | ||
| But yeah, you're right. | ||
| It's all fixed. | ||
| The only real one was the Osbournes. | ||
| Sharon said there was no take two ever. | ||
| You didn't have to. | ||
| Because it was nine months of filming. | ||
| They don't want to commit to that kind of filming. | ||
| They don't want to take the time it would take. | ||
| Because I think that my life is fascinating. | ||
| But I look at my life, I'm like... | ||
| Alright, episodic reality show. | ||
| Jim Norton. | ||
| I wake up. | ||
| I go do the radio. | ||
| I come home. | ||
| I go to the gym. | ||
| There's nothing there. | ||
| Maybe a couple of funny lines on the radio and me in the gym. | ||
| I'm tired again. | ||
| Alright, there's a minute of a show killed. | ||
| Here's the real show. | ||
| You getting prostitutes. | ||
| I thought of that. | ||
| I tried to pitch that to Vice and they didn't want it. | ||
| I'm like, I want to go from... | ||
| Look, here's the thing. | ||
| I go from fucking place to place in brothels. | ||
| I give you reviews. | ||
| They said no? | ||
| Well, what's entertaining about finding me getting blowjobs? | ||
| Everything? | ||
| But they won't show the blowjobs and the hookers probably wouldn't sign up for it. | ||
| They don't have to. | ||
| They have a big blurry thing over everybody's head. | ||
| Here's what I wanted to do. | ||
| This was my idea for a reality segment. | ||
| I really wanted to do this with Massage Girls. | ||
| I'm drinking any type of milk product. | ||
| I'm fucking a horrible farter. | ||
| And I really wanted to take a hidden camera... | ||
| And have massage girls come over and somehow signal the camera when I'm going to cut a gasser. | ||
| Like I'll say beforehand, every time I say the word yellow, it means I'm about to fart. | ||
| So you'll see me on there and I'll go like, yeah, something, something yellow. | ||
| And then I'll fart maybe quietly and then you can watch her react. | ||
| But the problem is you can't show the face and too many of them would say no to that. | ||
| But that's what I wanted to do. | ||
| But how long would that be interesting? | ||
| Jim farts during massages. | ||
| Yeah, but you say that people wouldn't, like, you couldn't go to brothels, but you could if the girls were porn stars. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| And I would do that. | ||
| I would love to do that. | ||
| But then I'm like, Colin Quinn a long time ago reminded me, many, many years, when I first started going to an opiate athlete, I was dating a British girl. | ||
| And she was a real pervert. | ||
| I drove a Saturn back then. | ||
| I still lived in Jersey. | ||
| And I used to fucking park outside of Dangerfield. | ||
| And she would blow me. | ||
| She liked me to trap her head under my steering wheel. | ||
| And she would go like, I want you to bite me. | ||
| I want you to bite me. | ||
| She would repeat this mantra of me biting her on her back. | ||
| She liked to be bitten and brutalized. | ||
| So I would bite her back and she would be like, I want you to make me suck it. | ||
| And I would hold her head under the wheel and she would be trapped under my Saturn steering wheel. | ||
| And fucking she would suck my dick and lick my balls and whatever. | ||
| What a good kid. | ||
| She was a good girl. | ||
| Yeah, her name is Ruth. | ||
| She was a really cool girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Powerful Ruth. | |
| Yeah, good. | ||
| I haven't talked to her in 15 years, but she was a great girl. | ||
| I miss her terribly. | ||
| I think she went back across the pond. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| As they say. | ||
| And what was the point of the story? | ||
| Oh, Colin. | ||
| She was really loud when I ate her pussy. | ||
| Really super loud. | ||
| What would she say? | ||
| I don't remember, just moaning and groaning loud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jimmy! | |
| One of those things, yeah. | ||
| My tits! | ||
| Yeah, whatever it was. | ||
| Be a hooligan with my vagina! | ||
| Bait my pussy like it's Manchester United! | ||
| But I can't... | ||
| It was really loud, and her pussy was sloppy, fucking wet, like it was legit. | ||
| I knew she wasn't putting on a show because her pussy was sloppy. | ||
| But I was going to eat her pussy on the air. | ||
| This was before I was doing it every day. | ||
| And Opie had said, call in your pussy on the air. | ||
| And I was going to do that. | ||
| And Colin Quinn stopped me. | ||
| And he goes, you can do that. | ||
| He goes, but man, you're a comic. | ||
| You got to say funny shit. | ||
| You don't want to be that guy that does wacky things. | ||
| And I'm like, I never forgot that. | ||
| He was almost telling me, don't be a stunt boy. | ||
| You got to say it funny. | ||
| You got to sit there and be funny verbally. | ||
| And maybe in that case, he was right. | ||
| Because I wasn't the wacko who called up and ate pussy on the air. | ||
| It's like I have to be able to be funny in my delivery and say it. | ||
| And I was like, eh, that was kind of a good point. | ||
| Looking back in hindsight, I probably should have eaten her pussy on the air because it would be a very funny clip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I know what you're saying, though. | ||
| I know what he was saying, though. | ||
| You can get stuck in that trap of being the stunt guy. | ||
| Having to one-up yourself every time. | ||
| Like, oh no, Jim Norton did this crazy thing. | ||
| He put his finger on his ass. | ||
| I'd rather be the guy that talks about it than the guy that actually... | ||
| Demonstrates it and gets the laugh. | ||
| Because then if I talk about it, people are like, oh, that's not as funny. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that a weird thing when people get trapped in that stunt guy thing? | ||
| Like there's a lot of those stunt guys that are on radio shows. | ||
| Like there was a radio show that I did where they made this guy dress up like a cow and roller skate and jump over a chair. | ||
| And if he didn't jump over the chair, he didn't make over the chair so they had to punish him. | ||
| And so he was like, you know, just accept whatever punishment they had. | ||
| And the punishment was I choked him unconscious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| And I go, you sure you want to do this? | ||
| He's like, I got to do whatever they tell me to do. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| I was like, this is a local radio show. | ||
| You really have to do this? | ||
| But he was like a slave in sort of way. | ||
| I will do what master tells me to. | ||
| I will do what they tell me to do. | ||
| So I choked him unconscious. | ||
| A slave for the recognition of the radio show. | ||
| He just sat there, and I put my arms around him. | ||
| I go, let me know when you're gonna tap out. | ||
| Like, if you can't take it anymore, just tap out, and I'll let you go. | ||
| You ready? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, and I just squoze him out. | ||
| And the weird thing is, good luck doing that on regular radio again. | ||
| That's probably a while ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't do it anymore. | |
| No way! | ||
| One lawsuit, one person dies drinking water. | ||
| You know, you're lucky you can have fucking a bottle of water in the studio now, because they all panic. | ||
| Yeah, you're letting some guy collapse your fucking windpipe, you know? | ||
| Like, I know how to do it, but what if I didn't know how to do it? | ||
| What if I hurt him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, the UFC sent out a memo, or they told us, I forget what it was, was it official or non-official, a few years back, two people got sued for taking photos with people where they were choking them in the picture as a joke. | ||
| Matt Hughes got sued, and Chuck Liddell got sued. | ||
| Both frivolous lawsuits where a guy, I get it all the time, guys either say, can I choke you out in a picture? | ||
| Which I say no, and then they say, well, can you choke me out in a picture? | ||
| Like, one of those two always comes up. | ||
| Yeah, but that to me, what a piece of shit move that is. | ||
| Well, one of the guys was a bad cop. | ||
| One of the guys, the Matt Hughes guy, they investigated him. | ||
| Turned out the dude was doing something drug-related, something dirty. | ||
| He wound up going to jail. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because of that. | ||
| Because of the investigation that started from him suing Matt. | ||
| He goes, Matt Hughes, you know, the guy says, will you take a picture of choking me? | ||
| So he's choking the guy. | ||
| And the guy's going like that and takes a picture and then takes that photograph and says, hey, Matt Hughes choked me. | ||
| I want to get some money. | ||
| Same thing with Chuck Liddell. | ||
| I think Chuck actually wanted to, I don't know if he wanted to paint him, but it was a real situation. | ||
| I always ask those guys to do things. | ||
| I haven't done it in a while, whenever they're in studio, but it was on video, so there was the context of me asking, I guess. | ||
| No, it was obvious. | ||
| And you tapped out, and it was like, I just want to feel it, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you did it with Fedor. | ||
| I've had... | ||
| Fedor has choked me and punched me. | ||
| He enjoyed it, because he punched me hard, and then he was choking me, and I was like, alright, alright, tap, tap, tap, and he did it again, and he smiled, and he did it again. | ||
| He's a fucking... | ||
| He's a really brutal Russian, yeah. | ||
| Velasquez choked me. | ||
| I think it was a guillotine choke, standing guillotine, I think. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| And I mean, Ronda fucking armbarred me. | ||
| I never did anything with Liddell or Rampage. | ||
| It's funny because they were before. | ||
| Silva kicked me. | ||
| Jon Jones hurt me the worst. | ||
| He fucking... | ||
| Jon Jones put his knee... | ||
| In my... | ||
| John Jones' thing, he's punched me before, choked me, fucking Uriah made me go, ah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It stopped. | |
| They've all injured me. | ||
| John Jones putting that fucking shin in my thigh, or knee to the thigh, whatever he did, it hurt so badly, I almost vomited on the floor. | ||
| There's Randy choking. | ||
| Oh, well, Couture did it too, yeah. | ||
| And Patrice was in studio that day and he said to Randy, pretend use the same technique you'd use if you were choking out a clam. | ||
| I forgot that he was there. | ||
| A clam! | ||
| Yeah, he really smashed me. | ||
| But there was one, yeah, Jones hitting me with the, that's the one right there. | ||
| He's choking me now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, you ready? | |
| Okay, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, here we go. | |
| But he does something else too. | ||
| Look at how fat so I am. | ||
| He does something else where he puts his shin in my fucking leg. | ||
| Did he kick you or did he just... | ||
| It was kind of like a... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You'll know if we can fast forward to it. | ||
| You'll know what it is if you see it. | ||
| It was so... | ||
| Shocking to my system. | ||
| I almost threw up on the console. | ||
| I almost fainted. | ||
| I actually walked out of the fuck. | ||
| That was probably a different time. | ||
| I went to the bathroom and threw water in my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Because it was like my whole system overloaded. | ||
| And believe me, it was 20% of his strength. | ||
| Yeah, if that. | ||
| But it was fight week. | ||
| Never do that shit there and fight. | ||
| A, they're ornery. | ||
| And B, they're in fucking combat mode. | ||
| That was a dumb time to do it. | ||
| Like, you know, the first... | ||
| I'll just sit right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about you pull your eyes? | |
| You won't. | ||
| I don't want to be combated with my hands, go ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That seems good. | |
| Right here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Alright, here we go. | ||
| What's he gonna do? | ||
| God, this sucks. | ||
| Two and three. | ||
| He leg kicked you. | ||
| That was a leg kick. | ||
| That was a gentle leg kick. | ||
| That was essentially the weight of his shin and his leg. | ||
| And he put something into it but not enough to do any type of real damage. | ||
| It was just where it was. | ||
| I couldn't believe I reacted that way like my system was like you know that light-headed tingly feeling you get like I'm gonna vomit I'm gonna vomit and then I was like I'm gonna pass out I had to go to the bathroom put water on my face like a fucking like an old lady but that's a that's a really painful technique yes it certainly is it doesn't it's a weird thing because those guys they're so used to fighting off of pain and dealing with the pain and the adrenaline of the fight that a lot of people underestimate the impact of leg kicks I've learned, like, you know, everyone knows UFC hurts and mixed martial arts is painful. | ||
| But after doing that, I've been like, it makes you watch the sport differently. | ||
| Like, to watch, like, I'll watch it. | ||
| My favorite fighters are those fucking Brazilian, like, you know, those leg kickers, man. | ||
| Those fucking Jose Aldos or Barbosa. | ||
| Those guys that, like, it slaps. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because... | ||
| After experiencing that, I'm like, the fact the guy can stand there and still fight after having his leg kicked like that, it never ceases to amaze me if they don't immediately collapse and just go home. | ||
| Well, they don't feel it as much because of the adrenaline of the fight, but it is unbelievably painful, even with the adrenaline. | ||
| And then after it's over, like, did you ever see the Uriah Faber fight? | ||
| Faber, sure, yeah. | ||
| Where his whole leg, after he fought Aldo, was swollen to twice the size of his other leg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He took all these photos of it and posted them on Twitter, like, as it was healing. | ||
| It was just a giant purple sausage. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Or when you see the leg kicks that knock the guy's leg back, like when the guy's standing there and that leg kick that sweeps. | ||
| Like if you kick a guy's leg hard enough to sweep it back where he's almost off balance, man, that's a really hard kick. | ||
| And when Silva kicked me, I kept trying to get him to kick a little harder because he was going so gently. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| He's such a meek, pleasant fellow. | ||
| And then he just kicked me slightly harder. | ||
| And he just jarred my head when he kicked me in the arm. | ||
| I had a headache for two hours. | ||
| Because my head jarred and I wasn't ready for, you know... | ||
| Yeah, well that's, you know, one of the places where concussions take place. | ||
| Like, everyone thinks a concussion is when you get hit in the head. | ||
| But this doctor is explaining to me that a concussion is anything that happens from your chest up. | ||
| Like, you can get hit really hard in a football match. | ||
| You can get hit really hard, like, in the chest, in a game. | ||
| And you get a concussion. | ||
| Because the impact that makes your head bounce around... | ||
| Your brain sloshes around inside your skull, and you get a concussion from that. | ||
| So you don't even have to get hit in the head to get a concussion. | ||
| Yeah, it's every one of those moves hurt a lot, and when you feel the grip that a guy like that puts on you, like a cane is a fucking monster, but anyone who puts a grip on you, it is simply... | ||
| An unbreakable situation I'm in. | ||
| Like, I am only alive and not fucked in the ass because he's choosing not to do those things. | ||
| It's a really weird feeling to be... | ||
| It makes you... | ||
| Maybe the older you get, the more aware you are that bad shit can happen, but it makes you very cautious in life. | ||
| Like, these are the guys that are walking around and, like, You try not to start confrontations with people for no reason because you don't know who has a pistol. | ||
| That woman who assaulted Anthony had no idea that he's a guy with a gun. | ||
| And lucky for her, he's not a maniac with a gun. | ||
| He's just a shit talker on Twitter. | ||
| What if he just had a really good leg kick? | ||
| I'm not going to punch a broad, but whack! | ||
| But then they would have said he struck a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he would have been even probably more fucked because there would have been legal proceedings. | ||
| You know, she would have said this... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why didn't he just show the gun? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| Very illegal. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Especially when you look like fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why you don't have a gun. | |
| You can't just show it? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're not supposed to do that. | ||
| First of all, Ant looks like Chef from Apocalypse Now. | ||
| Nobody wants him to be flashing a gun. | ||
| Joey Cola told me that he was working at Pips in Brooklyn and some guy in the front row was heckling him and showing him his gun. | ||
| You fucking piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking piece of shit. | |
| You fucking terrible. | ||
| Saying all this crazy shit to him. | ||
| And he goes, I just gotta keep going with my jokes. | ||
| I'm up there telling my jokes. | ||
| You know Joey Cola. | ||
| Nicest guy in the world. | ||
| And he's on stage and this guy keeps brandishing his gut. | ||
| Is Pips even around anymore? | ||
| It's not even around anymore. | ||
| I just talked to a guy the other night who said he used to own Pips. | ||
| He was like, we were always trying to get you in there. | ||
| I did it when the Schultzes had it. | ||
| And then I think Ray Garvey took over and Ray died. | ||
| He had stomach cancer. | ||
| Did you know Ray or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I never worked there. | ||
| I did a few spots there. | ||
| I never worked there either. | ||
| I probably went there with Otto one time because Dice was already long gone. | ||
| Dice used to do that place a lot, right? | ||
| That's where he's from. | ||
| Dangerfield, all those guys from Pips. | ||
| But George Schultz had it. | ||
| Seth Schultz. | ||
| I think Marty and Seth had it when I did it. | ||
| Dangerfield still around? | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| Still going strong? | ||
| I haven't done it in a long time. | ||
| I used to do that. | ||
| That was one of the ones that helped me work on my shit because you get 25 minutes to go up and I would put some notes on the piano. | ||
| There's that black piano. | ||
| It reminds me of the comedy store. | ||
| And you'd go up and there's a history there and just do your shit. | ||
| And I worked out a lot of fucking material. | ||
| I paid my rent. | ||
| When I lived with Jim Florentine in North Jersey, I would do seven spots on a Saturday and six on a Friday. | ||
| And I would do Dangerfield Cellar, Dangerfield Cellar from fucking First Avenue and 60th to West 30th and McDougal. | ||
| And I drove and I'd have to park my stupid fucking Saturn. | ||
| And you knew where to park. | ||
| It was a whole system I got into. | ||
| But Dangerfield's really helped me develop as a comic. | ||
| Did you ever do the prom shows there? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| They're horrible. | ||
| But you were making $75 a set, and it was like, fuck, not bad. | ||
| And you did a lot of sets. | ||
| How many sets do we do a night? | ||
| Sometimes you do, it depends on how many fucking awful teenagers are coming in, but sometimes it'd be three or four. | ||
| A night you could make an extra $300, or sometimes just one. | ||
| One of the most painful prom shows ever is I did Caroline's years ago, and I did a prom set, and Willie, Tyler, and Lester were on the show. | ||
| And, you know, I knew them from, you know, Solid Gold, whatever shows. | ||
| Very nice guy. | ||
| One of the best ventriloquists ever. | ||
| And he's on stage. | ||
| And it was just not for the kids. | ||
| You know, it was a little like... | ||
| And he's doing some song. | ||
| I believe I can fly. | ||
| You know, and the fucking puppet's singing. | ||
| It's a fun song. | ||
| And these kids from the Bronx were just... | ||
| I'm not enjoying it. | ||
| It was ugly. | ||
| Fly home, motherfucker! | ||
| You suck! | ||
| Oh, it was horrible. | ||
| And he smiled and kept it professional and didn't acknowledge any of it. | ||
| I talked about take your money and get out. | ||
| That's what he did. | ||
| Do you remember Al Lubel? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, I do. | |
| Al Lubel. | ||
| I heard he had a giant cock. | ||
| That's what I remember about Al Lubel. | ||
| I've heard he had a big cock, yeah. | ||
| Al Lubel was on stage. | ||
| We were doing prom shows at Dangerfields. | ||
| And a kid got on stage, this big football player kid. | ||
| Came on stage, took the microphone from Alabel and blew cigar smoke in his face. | ||
| Had a cigar. | ||
| And he was standing on stage and all his friends were cheering and no one did anything about it. | ||
| I was like, wow! | ||
| That's why I stopped working there. | ||
| Not because it didn't happen to me, but they wouldn't... | ||
| I didn't feel they took... | ||
| They didn't protect the comics enough... | ||
| From hecklers, like they would never throw people out, and that's why I stopped working there. | ||
| Well, it's very much like the Comedy Store in that way. | ||
| Both old, sort of dark places, and both with no crowd control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had one guy. | ||
| Do you remember Bobby? | ||
| Oh, I met Bobby one time. | ||
| Bobby would take care of shit. | ||
| I worked with Bobby a lot. | ||
| He was a Scottish guy who was about 5'8 wide and 5'8 tall. | ||
| He was a fucking tank, this guy. | ||
| But he wasn't fat, right? | ||
| He was like a bull. | ||
| Well, you know, he wasn't the skinniest guy in the world, but he was a power lifter. | ||
| And he was strong as fuck. | ||
| And something happened, I forget what it was, but I saw him pick a guy up by his neck. | ||
| He literally grabbed this guy by the back of his neck and picked him up like a kitten. | ||
| Like, he had his hand on this guy's neck, hoisted him up out of his chair, grabbed his belt, and just carried him out. | ||
| And the guy just went limp. | ||
| Like, feeling how strong Bobby was, he's just like, fuck this. | ||
| He just completely went limp, and Bobby carried him outside and tossed him. | ||
| Yeah, he's a legendary guy, Bobby. | ||
| Everyone loved him. | ||
| Whatever happened to that guy? | ||
| He died. | ||
| He died a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, he died many years ago. | ||
| What did he die of? | ||
| I don't know, actually. | ||
| I think Tony's son, Tony who ran it with Rodney, his son took over for a while. | ||
| And I haven't seen his son Darren in many years either, but he was the guy I kind of got to know. | ||
| Yeah, I knew Darren. | ||
| It was Darren. | ||
| And Bobby I only met once when I went in there with somebody. | ||
| Oh, that sucks that that guy died. | ||
| Yeah, man, I heard that. | ||
| I never got to Newman. | ||
| I kind of wish I did. | ||
| He was such a vibrant character. | ||
| I can't believe he died. | ||
| Well, I know him and the kid. | ||
| Him and Darren ended up falling out. | ||
| Right, the kid. | ||
| That was what he called it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The kid. | ||
| The bag of shite. | ||
| Yeah, bag of shite. | ||
| Everything was a bag of shite. | ||
| No talent, bag of shite. | ||
| You go up there, you tricked him again, Rogan. | ||
| Every time we go, if I had good laughs, he would say, oh, you tricked him again, Rogan. | ||
| Comedians said he was funnier than any of the comics, too. | ||
| Oh, he was very funny. | ||
| He was very, very funny. | ||
| He was a hilarious guy. | ||
| I enjoyed that guy very much. | ||
| I would go there looking forward to seeing him. | ||
| I'm bummed that... | ||
| I never got to work the old catch, either, when Louis Ferrando was there. | ||
| I went in there a couple times. | ||
| I might have done one set there, but I never worked there. | ||
| The catch on 2nd Avenue. | ||
| That was my first set I ever did in New York. | ||
| Catch? | ||
| Yeah, I did when I was auditioning for Sussman. | ||
| I did some sets in Boston, then he had me come out to New York and audition out there. | ||
| And the first set I ever did in New York, I was fucking... | ||
| Terrified out of my mind was at catch. | ||
| I got there early. | ||
| I drove down from Boston, wandered around the neighborhood, shit in my pants, terrified. | ||
| I always had this thing in my head about doing stand-up in New York for whatever reason. | ||
| I just thought that New York was harder. | ||
| The people were smarter. | ||
| When I got on stage, I realized they were just people. | ||
| But up until that moment, I was like, they're living in the city. | ||
| These are people that live in the city, in New York City. | ||
| It has this air about it, this very intimidating air. | ||
| Well, because, you know, comedians, they think, like, well, New York's the big city. | ||
| If you work there, there's this illusion or this deluded nature of how the comedians in New York are smarter. | ||
| Some of them are, like, you know, you get Attell and Colin, who are geniuses. | ||
| But you have plenty of shitty, hacked comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Plenty of dumb audiences. | ||
| Plenty of fucking... | ||
| I mean, the Comedy Cellar is my home, and it's my favorite place in the world. | ||
| And you'll still have a bachelorette party. | ||
| I was on stage, maybe a few months ago, killing on a Saturday. | ||
| Really, one of those sets that you're just fucking hammering. | ||
| And right before I get off, these fucking middle-aged bachelorettes, one of them goes, Say something funny! | ||
| It's like no matter where you are, no matter how good your show is, there's always that element. | ||
| Thank God I was killing. | ||
| I really brutalized her. | ||
| It was good for you. | ||
| I wish I was there. | ||
| I couldn't have said cunt faster if I had been programmed to say it at that moment. | ||
| It flew out so naturally and beautifully. | ||
| Which during a bad set is a bad thing because then the crowd totally agrees with the person. | ||
| But in that moment, is there anything better than calling someone a cunt and fucking the crowd cheers? | ||
| Yeah, the angry bachelorette party attendants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you record your sets? | |
| I do. | ||
| Every one I videotape on a little GoPro. | ||
| You videotape them all? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Because I'm more creative when I do that because I know if I want to improv on something, I will because I'm taping it so I know I'll have it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I record everything audio. | ||
| I just use my iPhone. | ||
| I put it on there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But it is good to see yourself, too. | ||
| Well, it's also easier to go forward. | ||
| I can zip through it a little bit easier. | ||
| You know where stuff is. | ||
| I know where stuff is in my iPhone. | ||
| I don't trust that being out. | ||
| That's got to stay in the pocket because there's just too much shit on there that it cannot be lost. | ||
| There's too many inexplicable photos. | ||
| But the NSA has your photos. | ||
| Let them have them. | ||
| They're not buying tickets to see me. | ||
| Have you seen that fucking new revelation that came out today that Edward Snowden was saying that they were passing, the NSA guys were passing back and forth naked photographs that they got through searches? | ||
| They would also do searches on their ex-girlfriends because they had access. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So they'd find compromising photos, and they would share them with each other. | ||
| They would send this one to Tom, and Tom would send that one to Billy. | ||
| Look what Bobby found. | ||
| And these people that they were investigating, naked terrorist shots, some chick in a burger with a big hairy beaver. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm guessing. | ||
| You know, it's funny. | ||
| My views on the NSA is as bad as they are, that's what we deserve. | ||
| We're the nosiest fucking culture. | ||
| All we do is mind everybody's business. | ||
| There's nothing an American loves more than to stick our fucking face in somebody's privacy. | ||
| And it made me so happy when that shit happened because it was like, good, you motherfuckers. | ||
| Where were you all these years defending people's right to be assholes in private? | ||
| We're voyeurs. | ||
| We love it. | ||
| And now when it's turned on us, we don't like it. | ||
| Did you see the newest one about the British spies manipulating polls? | ||
| Yes, online polls and YouTube hits and videos. | ||
| I mean, it's literally everything that Alex Jones has been saying for years. | ||
| Everybody's been calling him crazy. | ||
| He's vindicated. | ||
| I mean, he's been saying that the propaganda machine... | ||
| They're using government propaganda and all sorts of hacking tools. | ||
| It's really a fascinating thing. | ||
| A collection of hacking tools, some of which are specifically suited for spreading disinformation, were exposed in a leaked 2012 document provided by Snowden to The Intercept. | ||
| This is an online publication led by Glenn Greenwald, the journalist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| So, I mean, they underpass a tool that lets government... | ||
| Change the outcome of online polls. | ||
| They can change the outcome of online polls. | ||
| Bombay, it can increase website hits and rankings. | ||
| So they can increase website hits, change online polls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was this used for? | |
| For propaganda. | ||
| Amplification of a given message, normally video on a popular multimedia website, gateway, which will artificially increase traffic to a website, slipstream, which will infiltrate page views on a website. | ||
| So what they could do is they could put up a website, make that website look super popular, make it look like it's gone viral. | ||
| There's something that Alex is not explaining there, if that's where that's from. | ||
| No, it's not Alex. | ||
| It's coming from Snowden. | ||
| I did a red-eye the other night. | ||
| Did you ever have Mike Baker on your podcast? | ||
| He used to be in the CIA. No. | ||
| And now he's not. | ||
| Mike hates Snowden because he was a CIA guy. | ||
| But he's really interesting. | ||
| He said something about just in passing, Mike was talking about these websites and boosting the hits up. | ||
| And he goes, people don't understand that we really are still engaged in it. | ||
| He goes, I know it's not popular to say that there's a bad guy, but there is. | ||
| And he goes, then you build these fucking sites because you build them because you want to develop relationships. | ||
| And that hadn't occurred to me. | ||
| Certain sites are made to look more popular that the government is running and then the people that come to them who are actually involved in that type of shit, you now see who's coming to these sites and then where they're going and you develop relationships with these people and you get to know them that way. | ||
| It's not always just about… A lot of it is stuff that we'll never find out about. | ||
| But he would explain it much better. | ||
| Just in that little moment, it made me see something that I hadn't considered. | ||
| I'm sure they're doing dirty shit with it too, like those photos. | ||
| And again, I know the government's propaganda-driven, but there's also legit uses for it. | ||
| That I think might have been compromised. | ||
| There's definitely legit uses for it, but what Snowden's point was that you're having these 18 to 22-year-old kids, and you're giving them this massive amount of responsibility, and that it's just not cool, and there's very little oversight. | ||
| He's like, it's very little oversight in these offices. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what was Baker's, what was his argument against Snowden, what Snowden did? | ||
| I've only seen, he's on Red Eye a lot, and he hates him, so I only saw a little piece of it on the episode we did together, but Mike's a really logical, you'd love him. | ||
| Like, he's a great talker, he's funny, he's like, he's not some, you know, he's not some... | ||
| Propaganda spewing asshole. | ||
| He's got his talking points, but he's a really smart dude. | ||
| I think you'd love to have him. | ||
| I would love to have him. | ||
| I would love to hear what the argument against Snowden is. | ||
| Because in my opinion, what he was doing was something... | ||
| What he released was information that let the American people know that the government was doing something that's unconstitutional. | ||
| And they were doing it, and they were doing it like they had the right to do it. | ||
| And they're going to continue to have the right to do it. | ||
| And if they catch him, they're going to lock him in jail. | ||
| For exposing, in a way, everything that Obama said when he was running for office. | ||
| He said that they were going to have greater protection of whistleblowers, anybody that was showing that they were doing something, that someone was doing something that was illegal, he was going to protect them. | ||
| Meanwhile, they had to delete that off of his website because they kept it up until like a year and a half ago. | ||
| And then finally, you know, people started pointing it out when all the Snowden shit was going down, the Hope and Change website, and they finally redacted it all. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah, it's a very weird – because I agree with you. | ||
| I think that what he did to a certain degree is really good. | ||
| I don't want the government having that ability. | ||
| My point of view on it is I'm so disgusted with the public and I'm so disgusted with what voyeurs we are and how we refuse to acknowledge that and how we sit there and judge people. | ||
| Like Donald Sterling. | ||
| The guy is a twat, obviously. | ||
| But the way everyone sits there and fucking self-righteously judges this guy, and I love the fact that he's a fucking miserable, parrot-voiced 81-year-old who now wants to fucking hire private investigators to go after every NBA owner and uncover shit. | ||
| It's like none of them stood tall and said, look, this guy's a piece of garbage, but you know what? | ||
| I've said a lot of ugly things in my private life, too. | ||
| And what he said was minor. | ||
| Compared to the privacy of his own home. | ||
| There was no racial slurs. | ||
| What he said is, don't bring these black guys around. | ||
| Don't take pictures with them. | ||
| Molly's trying to fuck this chick, by the way. | ||
| He's just trying to get past all this and fuck her. | ||
| He's like, I mean, that is what he said when he was talking about it. | ||
| He goes, look, I was trying to get laid. | ||
| I was telling her, look, don't bring these guys around. | ||
| He even said to her, if you want to fuck them, fuck them. | ||
| Is he my favorite person? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is he a racist? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Is he a piece of shit? | ||
| By all accounts. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But so what? | ||
| How do you fine a guy $2.5 million for telling his girlfriend not to bring black guys around to games? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's his girlfriend. | ||
| He's not saying you don't associate with those people because they are below human. | ||
| He's not saying anything crazy and racist. | ||
| He's like, look, you're bringing guys around that are definitely going to fuck you and it makes me look bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's all he's saying. | ||
| That's all he's saying. | ||
| And even if he was being a creepy racist, even if he was, the fact that it was in private, and they got the, I think in California, there's only two states, one party notification states. | ||
| I'm thinking they're New York and Vegas. | ||
| Nevada is one, yeah. | ||
| And I think that the fact that it was illegally obtained information. | ||
| And again, I think the guy, Abdul Jabbar wrote a fucking genius article on why this guy should have been gone after before for a lot of the housing discrimination stuff, but not for this. | ||
| And no one gave a fuck when it was that, but now that it's language, they're going after him. | ||
| Yeah, and then they're using the housing discrimination stuff to justify. | ||
| They're going after him about this. | ||
| Like, no, look, the housing discrimination stuff is fucked. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| If you want to fine them for that, then it should be some sort of another organization, not the NBA. NBA just reacted. | ||
| Again, they panicked. | ||
| They reacted quickly. | ||
| And not one of these owners has a clean fucking backyard. | ||
| Maybe they haven't said racist stuff, but a lot of them have probably fucked around on their wives. | ||
| A lot of them have probably said sexist stuff. | ||
| So I love the fact that Sterling's going to hire... | ||
| But this is how dirty it gets when people aren't honest about our own ugliness. | ||
| And that's why when a guy like Snowden does what he does, it's like, the NSA, yeah, they're shitty, but fuck the public. | ||
| Because the public didn't stand up in the fucking defense of privacy when it was Donald Sterling. | ||
| We only care about it when it's ourselves. | ||
| And if we were a public that would never have tolerated that from the government, they wouldn't do it. | ||
| Or they would do it and be terrified to do it knowing that we were going to revolt. | ||
| But they know that we'll just take it because we're nosy cunts and we don't really bother. | ||
| We like invading people's privacy and Tiger Woods' text messages. | ||
| Ooh, we can't get enough of Mel Gibson's voicemails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're fucking scumbags just sitting home wringing our hands. | |
| Have you ever heard what sociologists say about that when it comes to gossip and things along those lines? | ||
| They believe that we no longer have communities like we used to have when we were tribal organizations, when we were groups of 50 to 150, 200 people, small groups. | ||
| And then we used to know each other's business because we had to be aware. | ||
| We had to know who was a good guy, who was a bad guy. | ||
| We had to talk and exchange. | ||
| And we also had to figure out what other people liked and tolerated, what was accepted in our community. | ||
| And now we don't really have these sort of relationships with our neighbors anymore. | ||
| And so celebrity gossip, gossip that's in the news, whenever someone is doing something, it becomes extra juicy to us. | ||
| Because we don't have this normal communication amongst the people that we have in our local community. | ||
| Yeah, that is true. | ||
| Who do you know in your building? | ||
| Almost nobody. | ||
| It's funny, as we speak, Obama's in my building in New York doing a fundraiser. | ||
| He doesn't live there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In your building? | |
| He's in my apartment building, yeah. | ||
| Can you get in there while he's there, or is it some fucking pain in the dick? | ||
| I probably could. | ||
| I mean, he might be gone already. | ||
| He was some Democratic fundraiser. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| The point is, I don't know the neighbor he's seeing. | ||
| He's probably seeing one of the neighbors for a fundraiser, and I have no idea who it is. | ||
| How annoying. | ||
| I would love to be there, though. | ||
| It'd be kind of fun. | ||
| Just to be in the elevator with him? | ||
| Him and Michio Kaku together. | ||
| Oh, Michio Kaku, who I saw the other day, by the way, walking into the building, and I'm like, hi. | ||
| He literally, if a fucking rabbit ran by, he would have recognized it more than me, who he sat as close as we are and talked. | ||
| He's a genius, but he's a fucking weird dude. | ||
| He's a very weird dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, hi, hi. | |
| He's always frightened. | ||
| He always makes fun because he refuses to, like, you just can't say hello. | ||
| Hi, Dr. Kaku. | ||
| How many times have you been assaulted that you're so timid when people say hello to you? | ||
| He gets shit on by other scientists, you know. | ||
| Well, he oversimplifies it. | ||
| Like, I like Brian Green is the guy's name. | ||
| And I also like Neil deGrasse Tyson. | ||
| Neil's great. | ||
| Because they simplify it because we are dumbbells in comparison to them. | ||
| But they don't talk to us like we're complete blithering. | ||
| Like, you know, Dr. Kaku breaks it down like, you know, and if you look at it like everyone is a lemon drop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, all right, I don't have a fucking PhD. | |
| But I understand that, you know, cells exist. | ||
| We can find somewhere in the middle to, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why. | ||
| Doesn't Dr. Steve get upset at him? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dr. Steve is my favorite. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| He took physics. | ||
| He's another brilliant guy. | ||
| Yeah, I just don't like him. | ||
| That's his voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's just a fucking idiot. | |
| He knows he's smart, but he doesn't like the way Dr. Steve will... | ||
| I mean, Dr. Kaku will kind of... | ||
| I guess they look at him like we would look at a comedian doing girl fart jokes on TV. He's a hack. | ||
| Like, oh no, look, he's got the puppet. | ||
| The puppet's saying naughty things. | ||
| Oh boy, he's great. | ||
| Is there anything worse than when people will come up to you and go like, oh, and I love this comedian, and you're like, I want to just bite your fucking nose off. | ||
| You were so funny, but you know what my favorite is? | ||
| And you go, oh, you just ruined everything. | ||
| Or my favorite joke of yours, and they'll name a joke that you're like, oh, Christ, that was the fucking joke I should have my throat slit for. | ||
| That was from 1996. Yeah. | ||
| Can't believe anyone remembers it. | ||
| I'm sad. | ||
| Yeah, I used to do a joke about getting a Woody, and I called it a Woody. | ||
| You ever remember your old stuff and just die a little death inside? | ||
| Remember it. | ||
| It's online. | ||
| You can watch it. | ||
| There's a video of me from Caroline's. | ||
| Not Caroline's. | ||
| Rascals. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Was it the TV show? | ||
| Yeah, wearing terrible clothes, telling terrible jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wallpaper shirt. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I've got a recording somewhere of my third or fourth time ever on stage. | ||
| I have a whole stack of shit that I saved, and one of them is the third or fourth time I was ever on stage. | ||
| It's a cassette recording. | ||
| It's just hot death. | ||
| Is it good stuff? | ||
| Hot death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's great you have it, though. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I've looked at it in fear for fucking 20 years. | ||
| It's oddly humiliating and exposing when you see that stuff. | ||
| Like, I wonder if other performers look at their old shit. | ||
| Like, we did a thing on ONA where we, I'm sure you maybe heard some of it, where we brought in our old tapes and got killed for it. | ||
| This is back on IDW. And I brought in a tape of me from 1993 where I had like 20 minutes of material and I was a fucking please-love-me, happy-go-lucky, high-energy fraud. | ||
| How we doing? | ||
| It's humiliating in a weird level. | ||
| I had like purple pants. | ||
| I was a dog. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They were like those workout pants from the 80s. | ||
| Whatever they were with the Velcro front. | ||
| And I would bring an enema in a bag on stage and talk about it because enemas were addicting. | ||
| You wouldn't even be friends. | ||
| Colin Quinn told me, he's like, it's hard for me to look at you listening to this. | ||
| I can't acknowledge it. | ||
| And we did this in 2000, so it was 17 years after I had done it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But the guys that came in to talk about my tape were Colin, Patrice, and Voss were the guys that dissected my tape. | ||
| And it was one of the most savage... | ||
| Assaults of all time. | ||
| And we did Voss' tape, too, when he had the fucking bad teeth and the greasy long locks. | ||
| Voss looked like a rat. | ||
| Did you ever see Voss? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I knew him. | |
| His old headshot. | ||
| Oh, that's right, that's right. | ||
| I knew Voss back then. | ||
| He was... | ||
| I was a fast talker, fucking please love me. | ||
| Oh, hunched over. | ||
| Like, I used to smoke a lot of pot. | ||
| Like, ugh. | ||
| I met Voss, I think, in 90 or 91. We were all terrible then, though. | ||
| I mean, that's just the one thing that I always stress to every comedian. | ||
| No one starts out good. | ||
| They just don't. | ||
| You know, they just don't. | ||
| Everyone sucks at first. | ||
| And especially when you're young, because you don't have shit to say. | ||
| When I was 21, who the fuck am I to be talking? | ||
| You know, I don't have anything to say. | ||
| The only thing that I had to say about anything that was funny at all was sex. | ||
| Because it's the only thing I knew. | ||
| I mean, everything I knew besides that. | ||
| I mean, what did I know about politics? | ||
| What did I know about the way the world worked? | ||
| What did I know about anything? | ||
| I had no opinions about anything. | ||
| Yeah, but it wasn't even the bad jokes I had. | ||
| It wasn't even the poorly written jokes, which they were. | ||
| It was the fucking behavior, the wacky character, the lack of connection to who I am as a person. | ||
| It makes you want to fucking... | ||
| I want to smash my face when I watch that. | ||
| How did you allow yourself to do this? | ||
| There's Voss. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be so crazy! | |
| With his perm. | ||
| Look at his gold chains. | ||
| He looks like fucking Joanie from Happy Days when she was in her early 30s. | ||
| That fucking creepy perm. | ||
| Oh, what an awful person. | ||
| There's a funny connection that we all have to each other. | ||
| We've all gone through the early days of comedy. | ||
| You know, there's something that... | ||
| It's always going to be a weird bond that we all have with each other. | ||
| And we all knew each other back in those days. | ||
| I remember the first time I met you. | ||
| I remember where we worked. | ||
| I remember you... | ||
| My first memory of Rogan was we were working in the upper deck. | ||
| I think I've told you this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at Voss's teeth. | |
| Terrible. | ||
| They were terrible. | ||
| He's gapping them. | ||
| That's creepy. | ||
| That's the boss I met. | ||
| By the way, that boss, the guy you're looking at, that ugly, awful boss, was a pussy machine. | ||
| A machine. | ||
| And he would get girls just to suck his dick in front of me, or he would try to get them to suck my dick. | ||
| Boss was the fucking team player of all time. | ||
| He's gotten more assists than almost anybody in the business. | ||
| He would get girls to just come in the closet and look at my dick. | ||
| He was a great friend. | ||
| Look at his dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| He was a great guy, man. | ||
| He gets shit on a lot, buddy. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Voss is one of the best guys I've ever known. | ||
| So where did we meet? | ||
| Upper Deck. | ||
| It was a Pat Guarini gig, I think. | ||
| Upper Deck. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| In Lake of Pat Con, New Jersey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And you were on stage doing a bit about Tyson and Robin Givens. | ||
| And you said something about it. | ||
| Imagine you walk out and it's Mike Tyson. | ||
| I'd like to talk to you for a second, please. | ||
| And I just remember that line from your act. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| You had a lot of energy and you were a very powerful performer. | ||
| But I remember that line for some reason from your act. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't even remember that line. | ||
| It's probably 92, 93. Wow. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| It's a fascinating thing to go through, isn't it? | ||
| Yes, I'm going to piss again. | ||
| Damn, really? | ||
| Dude, I've been holding it. | ||
| This is why I have to fly aisle. | ||
| Do you have a bladder? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| By the way, Patrice told me, he says to me, he goes, you have to be checked for diabetes. | ||
| I flew to LA for the first time with Patrice. | ||
| In the TWA, it was a 747. There's two seats and I took the window and let that fucking behemoth have the aisle seat. | ||
| And I had to keep crawling over him. | ||
| And Patrice, who was diabetic, said, you know, you gotta get checked for diabetes, man. | ||
| You piss so much. | ||
| And he fucking freaked me out. | ||
| And I don't have it. | ||
| I just have to piss. | ||
| Did you drink a lot of water? | ||
| A lot of water, a lot of caffeine. | ||
| I drank a Diet Coke before, and the caffeine does something to my fucking bladder. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| Mike Goldberg drinks a lot of those Red Bulls, and when we work together, that guy gets up and pisses like six, seven times during a broadcast. | ||
| I've wondered how you guys do that, by the way. | ||
| How do you not just jump up and piss every two minutes? | ||
| But I guess I never noticed that he did. | ||
| I can just hold it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's that dick muscle, boo. | |
| I got a great dick muscle, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I worked that shit out. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I do three-hour podcasts. | ||
| It's very rare that I have to pee during a three-hour podcast unless I drank a lot of stuff before the show. | ||
| But if you drink any of those Red Bulls or those Monster Energy drinks, those will do me. | ||
| If I drink one of those, This coffee, by the way, is delicious. | ||
| It's awesome, right? | ||
| Right to the bathroom. | ||
| That's Caveman Coffee. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| Caveman Coffee Company. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what it is, man, but those monster energy drinks, whatever it is in those, taurine or whatever the fuck, the caffeinated aspect of them. | ||
| I've always had a good bladder, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have to pee that much. | |
| I could drink this whole thing, this Trenta iced coffee, and now I drink a Cocoa Cafe after 8, and I still haven't peed all day. | ||
| Those Cocoa Cafes are goddamn delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're great, aren't they? | |
| If no one's ever had those before, what they are is it's... | ||
| And they don't pay us. | ||
| I just want to let you know. | ||
| They're just yummy. | ||
| Tastes like a Yoo-Hoo. | ||
| It's coconut water and espresso mixed together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they have different flavors now. | |
| Oh, and good googly moogly. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, can I pump up next week? | |
| Comic-Con. | ||
| We're bringing Comic-Con down at the American Comedy Company. | ||
| Yeah, what day is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's July 23rd and July 24th. | |
| We have Kill Tony, we have Thunder Pussy, and we also have a comedy show on the 24th with Burt Kreischer. | ||
| Excellent! | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| And I am, on the 25th, I'm going to be at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts with Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| This week I'm at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, but it's all sold out, bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to go there. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| Suck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard that place is cool. | |
| Yeah, I heard it's cool too. | ||
| Joey keeps saying it's awesome. | ||
| Everybody I know that's been there. | ||
| You worked at Salt Lake City, right? | ||
| I have, yes. | ||
| Very good room. | ||
| The Wise Guys. | ||
| Yeah, I feel sorry for those people living in Salt Lake City, surrounded by all those Mormons, but it's beautiful there. | ||
| And Mormons are nice. | ||
| If you're going to be around religious nutters, those are the people. | ||
| Yeah, they're not mean people at all. | ||
| Bella Donna's a Mormon. | ||
| She was. | ||
| Bella Donna was. | ||
| Not while she was getting it. | ||
| No, I think they probably frowned on that career decision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think? | |
| Yeah, I don't know why though. | ||
| Did she retire? | ||
| Yes, she did. | ||
| You say it like it was sadness. | ||
| Like it was like a fucking, like Babe Ruth retired. | ||
| You know, I just haven't seen her in a while. | ||
| She did. | ||
| Yeah, she made a really, I was the luckiest girl on the face of the earth. | ||
| The old Gary Cooper fucking speech. | ||
| Little Lou Gehrig for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just wonder if she can hold in turds still. | |
| That's my only question I want to know. | ||
| Because, you know, she was getting baseball bats up her pussy. | ||
| No, up her ass. | ||
| She had a baseball bat in her ass. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ah, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, there's a video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| There's a video of it, and it's just so weird to watch. | ||
| It's like, okay, there you go. | ||
| Hey, women have babies, though, and they don't piss all over the place. | ||
| I guess you can still... | ||
| Yeah, but that's an asshole. | ||
| Her baseball bat went on her asshole. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you say holding turds, I'm like, I guess those muscles, you know... | ||
| I guess, but people do have problems. | ||
| People that, like, engage in those activities... | ||
| Really? | ||
| ...do have problems stretching out their anus muscles. | ||
| Oh, I can take a little bit of a finger... | ||
| And I can't take anything else. | ||
| I was dating this chick, and her roommate had sex with her boyfriend, and he fucked her in the ass, and her sphincter must have relaxed, and she shit on him while they were sleeping. | ||
| And she shit the bed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| She shit on his dick a little bit, I don't know. | ||
| And anyway, he got up, and, you know, he was like, ugh! | ||
| And the door slammed, and the guy was, like, standing in the hallway like this. | ||
| I'll never forget, poor fuck. | ||
| And, you know, the girl I was dating telling me what happened. | ||
| I'm like, oh no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got shit in my mouth this year. | |
| I told you that. | ||
| That's horrible. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I was eating a girl's ass out who was on ecstasy for her first time and then she shit in my mouth because she couldn't feel it. | ||
| Yeah, I can see that happening. | ||
| You don't want an accidental one because that's not going to be a good one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't solid either. | |
| I think I would have preferred a solid. | ||
| Yeah, a solid one. | ||
| There's something about a solid one. | ||
| You're like, hey, this kind of looks like a fucking, you know, a smokestack. | ||
| There's something cool about it. | ||
| This is not a subject I'm really into, but there is a woman, this German woman, who does shit porn, where people shit on her, and she's like the queen of shit porn. | ||
| Don't ask me how I know this. | ||
| Somebody posted it on my message board and I followed a fucking link hole. | ||
| I went from link to link to link till I got to her site and watched some of her videos. | ||
| What's her site? | ||
| Goodegg.com? | ||
| Winner. | ||
| Winner, winner, shit dinner. | ||
| And it's just people shitting in her mouth and she's covered in shit and she eats it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's making me swallow. | ||
| Sure, hungry. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Throwing up. | ||
| It's making me extra salivate thinking about how disgusting it was. | ||
| She was just eating logs that were coming on this guy's ass. | ||
| Yeah, guy's ass. | ||
| Guy's shit's gotta be awful. | ||
| She says it's better. | ||
| She says it's spicier because many eat more meat. | ||
| She was explaining. | ||
| Yeah, who wants a spicy log? | ||
| She's sitting there smoking cigarettes explaining in German why she loves eating shit. | ||
| She's got a stomach of a billy goat. | ||
| She never gets sick. | ||
| She fills herself up with shit. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| There's so many types of people out there in this world. | ||
| There's no normal. | ||
| There's, like, expectations of normality. | ||
| There's, like, a spectrum. | ||
| And most people fall into, like, this area. | ||
| But there's enough people out there that like watching her eat shit that she makes a living eating shit. | ||
| She has a website eating shit. | ||
| She has a member section. | ||
| She's famous for it. | ||
| They're interviewing her, asking her questions. | ||
| They're using a camera. | ||
| I mean, it's, like, the whole deal. | ||
| It's, like, she's... | ||
| It's not one person that likes watching her eat shit. | ||
| It's a whole group. | ||
| Well, the funny thing is, too, that when you think, like, the fact that she smokes on top of it, like, if there's anything that can make your breath worse than fucking eating some fucking Nazi's logs and fucking having a cigarette afterwards. | ||
| Can you imagine her burps? | ||
| The shit, cigarette shit burps? | ||
| Yeah, craft services, all fucking coffee and tuna salad. | ||
| Just really awful stuff. | ||
| You can see her sneezes. | ||
| I am almost throwing up thinking about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can see her sneezes. | |
| Like a brown spray. | ||
| It's a little awful. | ||
| A spray. | ||
| Her sneeze has fiber. | ||
| If you had a cheesecloth in front of her, she could make a Rorschach painting for you. | ||
| Yeah, shit is probably not good coming out. | ||
| Remember when we were kids, it was really hard to find anything even remotely fucked up? | ||
| Like, did you, when you were a kid, did you see, we're about, I'm 46, 45? | ||
| I'll be 46 in two days. | ||
| I'll be 47 in August. | ||
| Did you, um, did you see Barnyard Betty and any of those things? | ||
| Remember those? | ||
| Yeah, the animal fucking stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| It was a video, and a buddy had it, and we went over to his house and watched it, and, like, one of us had to watch the door, because it was in the basement. | ||
| We were hovering over the... | ||
| Like, one person had to watch the door to let us know if anybody was coming, and then we were standing in front of this VCR, this TV with a VCR attached to it, watching this really grainy video of this chick, like, you know, very mild. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Bestiality. | ||
| Very mild, like blowing a donkey. | ||
| Not aggressively. | ||
| Not really that into it. | ||
| She was having sex with a pig in some weird way and a German Shepherd. | ||
| And it was kind of fucked, but it was so mild in comparison to what kids see today. | ||
| Did you ever wonder what kind of an impact that's having on them? | ||
| It's got to be freaking you out. | ||
| I saw some hardcore porn pictures, the dirty movie, but if you're seeing a beheading video or legitimate car crash stuff where hardcore fucking is just the normalist thing you're going to see online. | ||
| I think that's why maybe school shooting, I'm not blaming video games, but people do become a certain desensitized to things. | ||
| I probably sound like I'm criticizing every message I've ever given, but I do think that that has something to do with desensitizing you. | ||
| It must have something to do with it. | ||
| You can't say that that's the cause for someone doing something horrible and violent, but you see so much violence and it becomes an option. | ||
| If you didn't know what a gun was, you didn't know what a school shooting was, if it didn't exist, if it wasn't on the table, it wouldn't be something that people considered. | ||
| But because of the fact we have guns, we know about guns, because of the fact that we know about school shootings, people think, you know what? | ||
| My fucking life is terrible. | ||
| I'm I'm all fucked up on antidepressants. | ||
| I'm going to go shoot up my school. | ||
| All those things do factor into the possibility of someone doing something, but you can't blame those things. | ||
| It's like, I've said that I think that we have a gun problem, a mental health problem, rather, disguised as a gun problem. | ||
| That's what I think it is, more than anything. | ||
| Because you can give a lot of people guns and they would never do anything wrong. | ||
| Right, but then he gave, you know, one fucking, one, one, like, who was the kid, Alonzo, Alonzo, or Adam Alonzo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because Alonzo, whatever the fuck his name was, his mother had the gun around the house, you know. | ||
| So even if you're not the crazy person, even if your kid is the fucking wide-eyed, you know, me, me, me shitbag that he was, the fucking, I hate the pupil in the middle of the eye with white all around it. | ||
| I know some people get mad at me, that's the real condition. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| I'm so sick of people getting upset. | ||
| That shit in general life. | ||
| He had a weird pupil? | ||
| No, but I'm saying a lot of these... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Adderall eyes. | |
| What is it? | ||
| Adderall eyes. | ||
| Adderall eyes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how I know somebody's on Adderall is when you look at... | |
| You can see the white around their eyeball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, that's... | |
| Because they're just like this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| It's always some wacko you can see that fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jacked. | |
| Like Garfield. | ||
| I'm sure plenty of people don't have that, aren't mentally ill who have that, but the nuts I've seen all have that. | ||
| Well, being wide-eyed, being accelerated, being on amphetamines. | ||
| When you're putting kids on Ritalin, you're putting kids on Adderall and all these different... | ||
| Those are stimulants. | ||
| One of the things that they use to treat ADHD and ADD, those are stimulants. | ||
| You know, you're jacking kids up on all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| And that's just those things. | ||
| What about the things they put them on that are antidepressants? | ||
| And all these things that don't have a long history. | ||
| You're radically altering human neurochemistry. | ||
| Radically altering it on a daily basis with really hardcore chemicals. | ||
| That's the one thing that nobody likes to talk about when it comes to school shootings. | ||
| You know, the causation, you know, correlation of causation or whatever the fuck that term is. | ||
| That you can't necessarily connect them. | ||
| You can necessarily connect them. | ||
| You can't say it's the 100% of the cause, but when 90% of all the people that are school shooters are on antidepressants or are coming off of antidepressants, suffering withdrawal of antidepressants, at what point in time do they start looking at these chemicals that radically alter the way people react to stress, the way people react to life itself, the way people react to negative influences? | ||
| I had a friend that was on Zoloft, and she said that when she was on it, she didn't care about anything. | ||
| Like, she was gonna write a book called, I Lost a Year of My Life, about being on Zoloft. | ||
| Because for a year, nothing bothered her. | ||
| Nothing bothered her. | ||
| And you would think that someone who's a fucking psycho, that you put them on that shit, it's also not gonna bother them to kill people. | ||
| I mean, it just totally makes sense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't want to put in Ridley when I was a kid. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| But my parents, I think, said no. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| They liked me being creative. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that funny, man? | ||
| Having a lot of extra energy and anxiety that people can misinterpret that as like, oh, we gotta medicate this kid to make him quote-unquote normal. | ||
| Yeah, I was a weirdo. | ||
| I mean, you know, I was a little fucking weirdo. | ||
| Yeah, but that's how you make a comedian. | ||
| It is true, yes. | ||
| Nobody brings that up, you know? | ||
| No one ever brings that up in school. | ||
| Like, you know, Jimmy, the way you look... | ||
| There's a gal who works at this office that I go to that's very funny. | ||
| She's always saying really funny shit. | ||
| So I asked her, I go, how come you're not a comedian? | ||
| Have you ever thought about being a comedian? | ||
| And she goes, no. | ||
| I go, you're a comedian. | ||
| You've just never done it. | ||
| You've got all the traits. | ||
| You're quick with wit. | ||
| You're always trying to make people laugh. | ||
| She says creative shit. | ||
| She's very funny. | ||
| I'm like, why don't you become a comedian? | ||
| Have you ever thought about it? | ||
| She's like, no. | ||
| I was like, well... | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| How old is she? | ||
| 28. Oh, okay. | ||
| Not too late. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you were 38, I'd tell you to give it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But 28, you can still do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Send her to Kill Tony. | |
| I'll put her up. | ||
| I don't think she's ready. | ||
| You know, I mean, you plant seeds like that in someone's head, and who knows what they're going to take. | ||
| But... | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that that is what they could do, and they probably have a skill. | ||
| They probably have a talent, rather, and they've just never been encouraged. | ||
| No one encourages you to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Has any guidance counselor ever said to a kid, you should be a stand-up comic? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You like doing drugs. | ||
| Look, you never show up on time. | ||
| You don't do your homework. | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| Go be a comic. | ||
| Yeah, they never encourage you to get into... | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You know, if you're music, they encourage you to take music class. | ||
| Well, they probably consider that part of the arts, the drama. | ||
| Well, take a class and see if you're... | ||
| Stand-up comedy is one of the least respected art forms that's most loved. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As far as, like, the process of becoming a stand-up comedian, the option of becoming a stand-up comedian is so often... | ||
| Like, my own parents. | ||
| My parents didn't have a hard time with me kickboxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But they didn't want me to do comedy. | ||
| They were like, you're doing comedy? | ||
| Like, you're not funny. | ||
| This is going to be terrible. | ||
| Yeah, there's something intangible about comedy that just scares people. | ||
| Well, they feel like you're going to be a loser. | ||
| You're going to be a loser. | ||
| Because no one wants to be the one who bombs. | ||
| And just to see someone you love up there making an ass out of themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And not being funny. | ||
| Like, ugh. | ||
| How awful is it for a girl to go out with a guy she's dating who consistently sucks on stage? | ||
| That's just got to make her not want to fuck him. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| It's just awful. | ||
| Well, I've brought dates to shows and I've bombed. | ||
| They just didn't want to have nothing to do with me. | ||
| You can just feel it! | ||
| You know, back in the day, when I first started, I could have bombed. | ||
| I would have a good set, you know, maybe two, three sets in a row, and then every fourth or fifth set easily could go into the toilet. | ||
| Easily! | ||
| So you take a girl with you to a show? | ||
| Boy, that was taking a risk. | ||
| I never do it. | ||
| I mean, now I'll do it. | ||
| Come see me at the cellar, but I'm working on stuff or whatever on the nights that I'm there. | ||
| I hate bringing people to shows. | ||
| Especially when you're working on stuff. | ||
| Because when you're working on stuff, you're not trying to do the best show as much as you're trying to get material. | ||
| And, like, form it and get it together. | ||
| And you'll sacrifice a few minutes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, I worked on a new bit last night, and I knew, I'm like, while I'm doing this, I'm like, this is virgin territory. | ||
| It's a completely new bit. | ||
| I don't know where it's going. | ||
| And if someone was there to see you, who knows how you're going to pull out of that? | ||
| You might not pull out well. | ||
| Yeah, so I warn them though. | ||
| I'm like, excuse me, but I'm clearing my throat because of the butter. | ||
| I love it, but it makes me fucking sound like Ian Watkins on the stand. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably not the best thing to serve people on a show where they talk for three hours. | ||
| No, here, have some cottage cheese, gargle with this, and then talk for three hours. | ||
| I'm going to forget. | ||
| Can I plug my show real quick? | ||
| I'm really bad at the plugs. | ||
| I can't do it naturally, so I have to just stop the flow of everything and go, plug whore! | ||
| People want to hear it. | ||
| I'm doing a talk show on Vice, which is why I'm out in Los Angeles right now. | ||
| It comes out next Wednesday, the 23rd. | ||
| It's a talk show that I host. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's just me doing a monologue and a little sketch and then interviewing guests. | ||
| My first guests are actually Dana and Mike Tyson together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| What a fucking favor Dana did me, man. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, they were great. | ||
| They were really great. | ||
| And did you do it in front of an audience? | ||
| Yeah, live audience. | ||
| Where? | ||
| In New York. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We did four pilot episodes, and it was a very odd thing because I wanted the crowd on top of me. | ||
| The audience is from where you are to me. | ||
| On top. | ||
| I wanted it comedian style. | ||
| So the camera angles. | ||
| It was hard for us to edit anything because it was supposed to be a 30 minute show. | ||
| But I wound up talking to these guys. | ||
| It went like an hour and 20. So we had to chop down to an hour. | ||
| They let me make it an hour pilot episode. | ||
| Is it for Vice.com? | ||
| Vice.com. | ||
| So it's all going to be online. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| It comes out the 23rd and there's going to be one a week for four weeks and hopefully people like the different shows and You know, the monologues, I'm allowed to kind of say what I want to say. | ||
| They didn't creatively fuck with me at all. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| I mean, everywhere you go, they're telling you don't say this. | ||
| And, you know, it's very frustrating for a comedian. | ||
| Well, Shane Smith is one of my favorite people ever. | ||
| Yeah, he's an animal. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's an absolute fucking animal. | ||
| Yeah, he sent me a fucking... | ||
| We were going back and forth. | ||
| He was texting me, trying to get me to go to Africa with him. | ||
| I was like, bitch, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| He wants me to go to some new island, some island, rather, that they have where they've taken all these monkeys and apes that they experimented with and shot up with diseases and AIDS and all this stuff, and they've dropped them off when they're done with their experiment, and they bring them to some island. | ||
| So there's an island, like a Planet of the Apes island, that's filled with all these monkeys and apes that have gone through all these medical experiments. | ||
| And he wanted me to go there with him. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, that is the last place I'm going, man! | ||
| If you want me to go to the Bahamas and drink Mai Tais with Anthony Bourdain, I'm in. | ||
| I'm not going to an AIDS-infected monkey island. | ||
| Yeah, how about Shane invites you to somewhere fun? | ||
| You want to go and get blown? | ||
| Alright. | ||
| He doesn't want to go anywhere fun. | ||
| He wants to go to scary places. | ||
| Let's go to the Ukraine. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Let's go to North Korea. | ||
| Not happening. | ||
| Dude, he's the one that interviewed a fucking general butt naked. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing there? | ||
| Send another guy there. | ||
| He's gangster as fuck. | ||
| He gets dirty. | ||
| Yeah, he really does. | ||
| And it's like, I don't think there's anybody on top of a company of that size that is going to those places. | ||
| I'm hoping he stops doing that. | ||
| He's not going to stop doing it. | ||
| He was somewhere crazy the other day. | ||
| He was like in the Ukraine or something. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He goes to all those places and it's a part of his life. | ||
| And he comes back with a fucking burden, bro. | ||
| He's come straight from the airport right here and started drinking. | ||
| And we've done podcasts together and you could feel the burden on him. | ||
| You know, like, yeah, what is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Jim's show on Vice. | |
| Play this. | ||
| I like the promo. | ||
| I like them. | ||
| Hi, I'm Jim Norton. | ||
| Be sure to watch my brand new show on Vice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Reviews have been mixed. | |
| - No! - No! - No! | ||
| That's great. | ||
| How could you not like that? | ||
| Oh, you like it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Beautiful. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That was a legit laugh. | ||
| The best expression Colin ever did was shame spiral. | ||
| I can't watch myself ever. | ||
| I can't watch myself. | ||
| I get fucking humiliated. | ||
| Well, that's one of the reasons why you're really good. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I don't like watching myself either. | ||
| Whenever I sit down on a radio show, they used to do it on K-Rock. | ||
| Every time I would do it, I would sit down and they would play this whole thing of a bunch of clips of my stand-up. | ||
| Out of context, just punchlines. | ||
| I'm like, stop. | ||
| You're making me uncomfortable. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Don't play it. | ||
| You just made me feel a lot better, though. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| All day I was panicking about that promo going up. | ||
| I'm like, nobody's going to laugh at it. | ||
| Confuse has been mixed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Confuse has been mixed. | |
| I did another promo with Tyson and, of course, Dana's in it. | ||
| And I'm like, that one I felt more secure with because this was just me. | ||
| I'm like, no one will like it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| That made me feel a lot better. | ||
| Is that girl naked in the background? | ||
| It's hard to say because the TV's... | ||
| No, she has a bra on. | ||
| Our connection is... | ||
| We have to fix that. | ||
| HD to the TV. Skin color bra, though. | ||
| It's kind of hard to see. | ||
| It looks like she's naked. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Well, thank you, man. | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| That made me feel a lot better. | ||
| Her views have been mixed. | ||
| I was really genuinely panicking. | ||
| Look, I'm a child. | ||
| I'm a fan of people throwing up. | ||
| I hosted Fear Factor for six years. | ||
| Throwing up to me is always funny. | ||
| It is, right? | ||
| It is kind of... | ||
| For me, yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, just the ridiculousness of it all. | ||
| You're sitting on the edge of the bed, throwing up in a bucket. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| And I'll say this. | ||
| Eddie Moretti, he's like, nah, I think that's the best one we should lead with. | ||
| And I was against it. | ||
| I was like, no, I don't think so. | ||
| And it's like sometimes people just... | ||
| I have to remember that there are people that see things from the outside that are no shit that I don't know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And have a better eye than I do. | ||
| And it's like, you know how you're married to your stuffed man when you're performing or whatever, and it's like, there's people that can just see things, like, detach from the emotion of it, and go clearly, like, no, no, this is the way to start. | ||
| Like, I was wrong about that, and he was right. | ||
| And it's like, it's really hard for me to think in those terms, that I don't know what the fuck I'm always talking about. | ||
| It's hard, too, when you're going over your material, when you're editing a special, you lose the idea of what's funny and what's not funny. | ||
| You see the bits too many times, and they get really blurry sometimes. | ||
| It gets real confusing. | ||
| I'm a very bad collaborator. | ||
| We had to edit the interview with Dana and Mike, and I loved all of it because it was honest and funny and free-flowing, and Tyson was hilarious, and Dana was fucking great. | ||
| And it was like we had to chop it just because I went 40 minutes over. | ||
| So what? | ||
| It's the internet. | ||
| But the way they're letting me do it, they've already doubled how long they're letting me do it. | ||
| I'm okay with that. | ||
| And some of it was just literally, we were throwing to, we had to do a couple of throws. | ||
| Because the way Vice releases a video is they'll have more than one part to it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They just masters at that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they are. | |
| So I forgot to do that. | ||
| During the interview, I didn't do that. | ||
| So we had to go, all right, we just got to get a couple of pickups, which we needed. | ||
| So we had to get like, alright, we'll be right back, watch this. | ||
| So we had to tape them at the end. | ||
| And then we're doing that, and we're talking about something, but we were talking about, I had to take this pick up and put it in the middle. | ||
| Just a couple of minor things, but I got so fucking territorial about stuff, you don't want to cut any of it. | ||
| But they were actually great. | ||
| They didn't bust my balls about any of the content at all. | ||
| I don't understand wanting to edit things that are on the internet. | ||
| Unless it's some insane length. | ||
| This was just – the cuts we made, there was very little in the content area. | ||
| It was only because I didn't know how they did videos. | ||
| I didn't realize that we'd have to do it in more than one part. | ||
| And they probably had told me that and I just forgot in that moment because it was my first episode. | ||
| So I should have said – what I should have done was to keep in pace with the way they do it. | ||
| Because every series they do is really – I've watched a million of them. | ||
| They're all released in a few parts. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if I'm going long, I should have said, alright, it's about X amount of time, we'll be right back, or go to the next, whatever the fuck I should have said, and then done it that way, but I just didn't know to do that, so... | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think that's the wrong way to do it. | ||
| I think the way you did it is the right way. | ||
| Do it organically, have a conversation, and then have all the throws in post. | ||
| What do you have to fucking be there when you do it? | ||
| Just say, you know, have in the middle of the conversation, the conversation pauses, say, we'll be back with episode two next week. | ||
| Yeah, we could do that. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why would you want to make someone have some non-organic throw in the middle of a conversation? | ||
| That's goofy. | ||
| That just chops up the flow of the conversation and the thought process. | ||
| That may have been my mistake then. | ||
| The thing that they do is they release videos. | ||
| They know what gets the views, the part ones, the part twos. | ||
| They tried explaining it to me, how it works as a business model. | ||
| And, you know, I'm looking at it from like, like you just said, I want to have the conversation. | ||
| And they were like, things don't normally go because my set's very plain. | ||
| I like the Dick Cavett, Mike Douglas, like those fucking guys. | ||
| So I did it because, you know, they're not going to just, I should have just said, hey, look, we'll be right back or maybe done it in post. | ||
| But I just didn't think to do that at the moment. | ||
| They're like, we just got to get a couple of pickups. | ||
| That was the stage manager. | ||
| I'm like, okay, like, Right. | ||
| Maybe I could have said to him, now do it in post, and he might have been fine with it, but again, it was such a learning, and I hate to say it because he sounded like such a douche, but they gave me so much ability to do what I want. | ||
| Without fucking with me that I might have, you know, made a couple of like, oh, yeah, I should have done this instead of that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, it seems like you could probably figure that out as you go along. | ||
| Whenever you start something out, it always has like, you know, there's always... | ||
| There's bumps. | ||
| I mean, and they gave me an extra episode. | ||
| We were supposed to do three and then they were like, we might do two because of scheduling. | ||
| And then I sat down with Eddie. | ||
| He goes, well, fuck it. | ||
| Why don't we just try four? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how they do things. | ||
| They threw an extra episode. | ||
| So I had David Tell as the guest and I had Sherrod Small and Voss did a piece for me. | ||
| And it was just fucking funny hanging with three other comedians. | ||
| And that kind of felt like a much different one than Tyson and Dana. | ||
| What do you think is going to go down with September when your contract is up? | ||
| October 4th? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I love the gig. | ||
| I love performing. | ||
| But do you love the gig the same with Anthony not being there? | ||
| No, of course not. | ||
| I mean the idea of performing either alone or with other people. | ||
| I want this thing to work because I want my own thing. | ||
| I've done so many things. | ||
| This thing meaning the vice thing. | ||
| Yes, Jim Norton show. | ||
| I want to have my own thing too because you feel like a more complete performer when you're not always with Opie and Anthony or Colin Quinn or Louis CK or Amy Schumer's put me on her show. | ||
| I don't always want to be on somebody else's thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I love the idea of performing on the radio. | ||
| I love doing it with Opie. | ||
| I love doing it with Opie and Anthony more. | ||
| And I would say the same thing if Opie left. | ||
| I honestly do love being a part of that radio show. | ||
| Being without Anthony is difficult. | ||
| And Opie would tell you the same thing. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's hard to realize how much space a person fills in your life until they're not there. | ||
| Like, I mean, we all know Anthony's a comic gene. | ||
| That's easy to say. | ||
| But it's like the little moments, like when there's that chair... | ||
| I mean, I sit closer to Anthony than I do to you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Every day, five days a week for ten years. | ||
| And now he's just gone. | ||
| And it's really hard to get used to that empty seat, whether he's saying something funny, or whether he's just doing a stupid E-rock joke, or a little aside, or just... | ||
| It's like this whole fucking vacuum of this great, powerful brain that used to be, you know, a foot away from me. | ||
| Yeah, or just talking about things. | ||
| He's a fascinating guy. | ||
| He's got a lot of information in his head. | ||
| He can talk about anything for any length of time. | ||
| Anything he can be... | ||
| And we've said that like... | ||
| And I've said this before, but Patrice said that Anthony can access funny faster than anybody he'd ever known. | ||
| Like, he just had the ability to access being funny immediately... | ||
| On any subject. | ||
| He was a tin knocker. | ||
| He would put in air conditioning vents. | ||
| And he can walk you through that in a fascinating way and be funny about it and be captivating with it. | ||
| I just die telling a story. | ||
| I lose people. | ||
| It's a joke I've done, but I meant the sincerity of it that if I was on 9-11, if I made it out of the first tower, I would lose people halfway through the story. | ||
| I just have no ability to go from the beginning to the middle to the end and keep people locked in. | ||
| Did you guys have a meeting with Sirius after this? | ||
| No. | ||
| Opie talked to Scott. | ||
| I talked to Scott on the phone and he goes, look, we're going to try to move forward with you and Opie and see how it happens. | ||
| He goes, work through it organically on the air. | ||
| They didn't tell us how to do it. | ||
| They didn't say don't badmouth the company. | ||
| He said work through it organically on the air and we'll see what happens. | ||
| We'll see what happens. | ||
| Have they completely closed the idea of Anthony ever coming back? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| And they've given me no indication. | ||
| So I'm careful how I say that because I don't want the fans getting like I'm putting false hope out there. | ||
| But I'm just being truthful. | ||
| It doesn't feel final to me. | ||
| And maybe that's my own denial or my own lack of willingness to admit that this thing could be over. | ||
| Like, it was really sad, man. | ||
| Last I saw Anthony, I went to his fucking Fourth of July party, and I was very depressed driving home. | ||
| Like, I know I'm going to be okay financially, and I know, like, hey, this other show could take off. | ||
| Hey, you got stand-up. | ||
| Hey, you got... | ||
| But just the idea that this thing you love to do, like, alright, this chapter is closed. | ||
| It just fucking depresses me. | ||
| It depresses me to listen to it. | ||
| I couldn't imagine if it was me every day, day in, day out, being a part of it. | ||
| Every time I did it, I loved it. | ||
| I mean, I had a great time doing your show. | ||
| It's my favorite radio show of all time, without a doubt. | ||
| It's a real conversation. | ||
| You have real moments. | ||
| And the laugh. | ||
| Somebody played for me recently, or they sent me a link to, Jim Norton's laugh compilation. | ||
| There's just times where people have made me laugh on the show. | ||
| And I listen to part one and two, because the point is not me laughing. | ||
| It's the things. | ||
| And most of those laughs have come from Anthony, more than any guest or anybody. | ||
| And some of the things that have... | ||
| He did a thing recently, or years ago, that I heard two days ago, where we were talking about people who have shot themselves in the head and survived. | ||
| And Anthony did the voice of the guy who survived. | ||
| It was an immediate. | ||
| He became the guy who shot himself in the fucking head and survived. | ||
| He was talking about how he just has a more positive outlook. | ||
| And I'm howling listening to it in the clip. | ||
| And I'm listening to it two days ago. | ||
| And I'm laughing all over again. | ||
| I'm like, I forgot that bit ever existed. | ||
| But God, this cocksucker made me fucking laugh. | ||
| I'm not talking about him like he's dead, but that's how valuable a thing he is. | ||
| I can't listen to radio bits, man. | ||
| I think they made a big mistake. | ||
| I think they made a big mistake for a couple reasons. | ||
| One, I think they made a big mistake because I think it's going to open the door more to the internet because people are going to look at that as the last remaining true free speech option. | ||
| Because that's what it is. | ||
| Look, you can say you don't like this podcast. | ||
| You can decide that I'm offensive. | ||
| But you can't stop it. | ||
| I mean, the host might say, we don't want to host you anymore. | ||
| I'll find another host. | ||
| The sponsors might say, we don't want to be your sponsor anymore. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| I'll do it with no sponsors. | ||
| We did it with no sponsors for years. | ||
| This is the only real option, where you're your own producer, your own director, you're the whole thing. | ||
| You're the performer, you're the whole thing. | ||
| That's where it's at, because just like a stand-up is entirely responsible for your act you put on stage, If you had some producer hovering over your fucking shoulder every time you wrote a bit, every time you were thinking about putting together a set list, every time you were going up and doing a show, they would review it afterwards, that would be gross. | ||
| They would take all the fun out of being a comic. | ||
| Yeah, it would be awful. | ||
| I mean, that's why I'm a bad collaborator, because you're so used to having absolute and ultimate... | ||
| Well, you're a perfect example. | ||
| Think about you and you as a successful performer and personality. | ||
| Who the fuck would have ever thought you could have made a mainstream career out of talking about your love of trannies, talking about... | ||
| Shit and piss and shitting in each other's mouths and peeing on people, monster rain. | ||
| Just look at the honest things that you've tackled because you're honest, because you're funny. | ||
| If you had to vet that through somebody else, if you had to have that filter through some sort of a mainstream producer, it would have never happened. | ||
| It would never work. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| I mean, that's why you're right. | ||
| The internet is the last place We're at least, I mean, for now, who the fuck knows what happens with that? | ||
| But all that stuff you did, you did on Sirius. | ||
| Sirius had a different approach when they first came out. | ||
| They've slowly but surely clamped down. | ||
| From that Condoleezza Rice incident, that's where it was like, ooh, you could get in trouble for something that someone says on a radio show that isn't even, like, a guest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I mean, isn't even one of the hosts. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Your show could get canceled. | ||
| A homeless guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they were going to fire us for that. | ||
| Eric Logan saved us. | ||
| That was XM. And this is what happened. | ||
| The fucking, the NAB, the National Association of Broadcasters, somebody on that side, I think, was what was pushing it. | ||
| Because the story went on Drudge and Breitbart. | ||
| Will this hurt the merger? | ||
| And again, the guys who ran the, this is when they're about to merge. | ||
| Will this injure the merger? | ||
| And man, it was a billion dollars at stake. | ||
| And it wasn't going to hurt the merger, but they fucking panicked. | ||
| And these are all different people that are in charge now. | ||
| But they're like, well... | ||
| And they don't know how to deal with stuff, so they get the phone call. | ||
| The guy, Nate, I think, was running XM at the time, or Hugh Pinero. | ||
| What do you think of this thing they said? | ||
| A homeless guy said he wants to rape Condoleezza Rice. | ||
| He's worried about a billion dollar merger. | ||
| I'm not defending them suspending us, but I try to put myself in there. | ||
| I mentioned Louis because he's a good guy. | ||
| Non-emotional reactor to things. | ||
| And he'll look at things and go, well, they're just trying to do this. | ||
| And like, Louis will give you a very logical reason as to why something's happening. | ||
| And it's like, yeah, I wish I would have seen that. | ||
| I get too angry and emotional. | ||
| And you're like, fuck them! | ||
| They're sick! | ||
| And then I'll go like, okay, that's a billion dollar company. | ||
| They're not used to this. | ||
| And they hear this guy wants their fucking first lady raped, Bush or George Bush, and they're laughing about it. | ||
| Merger might be threatened. | ||
| Fuck him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get rid of him! | |
| He just panics. | ||
| Isn't it fascinating, though, that you're talking about a billion dollar company? | ||
| Okay, Sirius XM, billion dollar company. | ||
| Okay, what exactly are they selling? | ||
| What they're selling is content. | ||
| Who delivers that content? | ||
| Guys like Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Guys like Jim Norton. | ||
| They're selling your ability to be entertaining. | ||
| Other than that, it's just music. | ||
| How do you have a billion dollar company that's just selling music? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| That's what my argument would be, too. | ||
| Look, the talk thing is the last thing you guys have. | ||
| And this is for any terrestrial radio, too. | ||
| The last thing you have is original talk content. | ||
| And their point back would be, well, that's a great thing that we have. | ||
| But we also have, whether it's a celebrity, people doing shit, or we have sports that you can't get across. | ||
| Let's say we have the NBA, we have Major League Baseball. | ||
| I'm just saying that's what they would say. | ||
| Yeah, but nobody's paying for that. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| They're paying for Stern. | ||
| They're paying for Opie and Anthony. | ||
| I hope so, man. | ||
| Especially since Spotify and Pandora. | ||
| It used to be serious radio because they had the 30s, the 40s, the 50s, whatever, and all the different radio stations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nowadays, you just put Spotify, put anything you wanted. | |
| Yeah, I mean, I get almost all my shit from iTunes. | ||
| I don't ever listen to music in my car anymore unless it's coming off of my phone. | ||
| I just... | ||
| It's just, I don't need to. | ||
| You don't need to anymore. | ||
| You don't need them anymore. | ||
| And the last thing that's exciting is things like Stern and things like Opie and Anthony, where you can have a guy who is just freewheeling, saying whatever he wants, doesn't have to worry about language restrictions, doesn't have to worry about anything. | ||
| And the fact that he can get fired for saying the same things that he's always said on his show, Just saying them in a text message. | ||
| They're so ignorant that they can't recognize that this is... | ||
| You're taking it out of context. | ||
| You're taking it from a guy who's just recently been assaulted. | ||
| You're taking it from a guy who probably had a couple of drinks in him when he said it. | ||
| And he shouldn't have done it. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| He definitely shouldn't have gone on that Twitter rampage. | ||
| He should have said it on a video. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| Or on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you've been on the show, it would have been perfect. | |
| It would have been a great episode. | ||
| Oh, that would have been fun. | ||
| And Keith Robinson pointed out, he's like, the teasing we could have given him. | ||
| Oh, the teasing. | ||
| Oh, it would have been beautiful. | ||
| But I don't know if that's something that will ever change. | ||
| They may, at one point, go, ah, we do kind of... | ||
| Understand that maybe he's a valuable asset. | ||
| Again, I don't know why I don't get that feeling because they haven't said to me, we'll bring him back. | ||
| They really haven't. | ||
| And I never want to give fans... | ||
| I'm not trying to keep fans from canceling. | ||
| It literally is just a gut feeling. | ||
| He didn't drop N-bombs. | ||
| He didn't go on this... | ||
| And I've talked to him enough to know what his intent was. | ||
| And maybe that's just this naive dummy in me, but I keep thinking, man, he should come back. | ||
| He can come back. | ||
| Just give it some time. | ||
| I just keep hoping for that. | ||
| I think he can come back. | ||
| I think if they gave it some time, he definitely can come back. | ||
| In the context of what he said, it wasn't that bad. | ||
| You know, I wouldn't have been happy if it was my company and I had shareholders and all that jazz. | ||
| But obviously, I would never be that guy anyway. | ||
| I would never be a fucking head of a big company. | ||
| I'm just not built for it. | ||
| You've got to recognize the entertainment quality, the entertainment aspect of that guy, the entertainment possibilities of keeping the show together. | ||
| It's because without that, all you have is Stern. | ||
| Obviously, you guys are still together and it'll still be a great show, but it's not the same show. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| You leave open the door for Anthony starting his own thing, some wildly successful thing on the internet, which also, look, if someone comes along and they put together some sort of an advertising budget and they say, "Hey, listen, we would like to host the Opie and Anthony podcast on the internet. | ||
| We'll take X percentage of the advertisers. | ||
| We've already got it lined up. | ||
| We have a big launch. | ||
| We're going to do it around Thanksgiving. | ||
| Someone's going to fuck a turkey live on the air." You know, whatever. | ||
| You come up with some idea to do something completely free and wild on the internet. | ||
| A big advertising push, buy billboards, Times Square, you know, fuck Sirius, we're doing it on the internet, you know, ONA is back and it's free. | ||
| Download it online. | ||
| You don't need to pay for a subscription anymore. | ||
| Anybody can get it on your phone. | ||
| I mean, you can do it the way we do it. | ||
| We're available online as an MP3. We're available from iTunes. | ||
| We're available on Stitcher, on YouTube, on Ustream, on Vimeo. | ||
| If you just did something like that, it would be gigantic. | ||
| Yeah, maybe you're right, man. | ||
| We have thought about it. | ||
| And again, we're up on October 4th. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| And we honestly don't know What we do from here, like again, Opie and I are doing the show, bringing guests in and just performing, and it's like we both feel the fucking loss of it. | ||
| Go through Vice. | ||
| Do it all through Vice. | ||
| There would be a wonderful promotion vehicle for you guys to do Opie and Anthony live through Vice. | ||
| They'll set you up with a studio, do it all online, do the show as a video online, and do the show, have it available as a podcast, free downloads. | ||
| They provide you with advertisers. | ||
| It wouldn't be hard to do. | ||
| Shane could hook that up in five seconds. | ||
| They could make one phone call and the wheels would be in motion. | ||
| I would love to do that. | ||
| And that's a guy that you know, like, shit could get really crazy and everyone's gonna be fine. | ||
| Yeah, Shane, I mean, look, the fact that they didn't break my ball, like, everyone says, like, oh, we all have to do what we want, guys. | ||
| But, like, I can't believe the amount of, like, if this thing fails, it is absolutely my fault. | ||
| It is 100% my fault. | ||
| I can't blame the company. | ||
| They fucking got in my ear and fuck. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| They really didn't. | ||
| This one is on me. | ||
| If it succeeds, I did a great job. | ||
| Kurt Metzger helped me and Jesse Joyce contributed a little. | ||
| Attell contributed some brilliant stuff. | ||
| But Vice allowed me freedom. | ||
| The monologues are exactly what I wanted to do monologue-wise. | ||
| I have links that can't be posted, but I was going to send you, but they took too long to get them to me. | ||
| I'm just so bad at this shit. | ||
| Just get it to me later. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Listen, whenever it comes out, we'll promote the shit out of it. | ||
| Next Wednesday the 23rd. | ||
| Next Wednesday the 23rd. | ||
| Alright, I'll tweet it. | ||
| I'll tweet it when it's coming out. | ||
| I'll tweet it when it's on. | ||
| I'll tweet all four episodes. | ||
| I'll tweet links and websites. | ||
| Whatever you need to do, man. | ||
| It's not going to fail. | ||
| It's going to be great. | ||
| You know how it is, man. | ||
| I have the fucking... | ||
| I know intellectually, yeah, I'm a funny guy and I think there's things that will be fixed in the show. | ||
| Because again, it's a new thing. | ||
| But I also think it came out funny. | ||
| I'm happy with how it came out. | ||
| There's a lot of really funny lines. | ||
| Oh, okay, I would fix this and fix that. | ||
| You live and you learn. | ||
| It's going to be great. | ||
| But I know that that part of you that's never happy, always going to have issues about things, that's also what makes you good. | ||
| Because it keeps you checking and second guessing and working on things and keeps you striving for a high standard. | ||
| It's the dark inner secret of all comedians that we're never really happy with what we do. | ||
| I obsess. | ||
| Like that promo, I was out in the parking lot with my luggage talking to my fucking manager on the phone. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know why. | ||
| No one's going to like that one. | ||
| I'm just having a fucking panic attack. | ||
| And moments like that though, they say Tarantino would fight his editor who passed away. | ||
| But they said that she was such a big piece of his great success because she was so good at editing his stuff. | ||
| And I heard they would have screaming matches because he didn't agree with her. | ||
| But she, in a detached way, could see what worked from the outside. | ||
| And I certainly didn't have a yelling match with anyone, but a lot of times I'm too close to it to see what works, and I would have been totally wrong about this, and I would have thrown that promo out and not used it, because I'm mostly in it. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely would have been wrong. | ||
| Look, I laughed hard. | ||
| I'd never seen it before. | ||
| That was a legit laugh. | ||
| It's always going to be that way, though, Jim. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so, man. | ||
| Yeah, you're never going to be totally happy. | ||
| That's why you're good. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| But are you totally happy though? | ||
| You have to know what a great... | ||
| I walk in here, I see like all I think is Rogan makes me feel lazy. | ||
| Like because you have such a great setup. | ||
| You're a UFC. I don't know how you do this and smoke pot. | ||
| You're in a fucking ice chamber this morning. | ||
| You're always doing this weird shit, reading articles. | ||
| You're the best follow on Twitter. | ||
| I'm like, how does he fucking keep all these plates spinning but being really good at all of them? | ||
| I'm just a fucking lazy cunt. | ||
| I go in the morning and do radio. | ||
| I jerk off looking at Eros.com for nine hours. | ||
| I do a spot at the cellar and I get a massage. | ||
| Well, think about those nine hours that you spent jerking off. | ||
| Those are hours that you could have done all the things that I do. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I think of that while I'm doing it. | ||
| While I'm tugging my prick, I'm thinking this could be your green screen fixed. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Well, with me, I'm just real lucky that I found a bunch of things that I like doing. | ||
| All the things that I'm interested in, whether it's the links that I put up on Twitter, whether it's the articles I read, documentaries I watch, martial arts I do, whatever I'm doing, bow hunting, whatever I'm doing. | ||
| I'm interested in it. | ||
| It's all just things I'm interested in. | ||
| I think that's a big part of what keeps life fun, is just be interested in a bunch of different things and pursue those things. | ||
| With most people, you can't pursue your real interest because you have a job that's usually not your real interest. | ||
| I've been there too. | ||
| When I was doing Fear Factor, and no woe is me, it was a great gig, paid a lot of money, used a lot of exposure and all that good stuff, but I didn't want to do it. | ||
| I only did it because they wanted to pay me. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And there's a big difference between living like that and living like I live now. | ||
| Whereas everything I do, I enjoy doing. | ||
| Whether I do the UFC, whether I do a podcast or stand-up or anything. | ||
| I enjoy all my things. | ||
| So in that way, I figured out a way to harmoniously manage my life. | ||
| It's nice to not hate it, right? | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, it's not that I love everything I do, and there's always... | ||
| You know, even with podcasts, there's podcasts that don't go well, or I don't like moments in them, and they will fuck with me, and I'll try to... | ||
| But they fuck with me because I care, because I'm trying to make it better, and, you know, I'm trying... | ||
| When you're doing anything where it's a flowing, sort of living thing, you're ad-libbing, and maybe I added too much, or maybe I didn't add enough, or maybe I was too low-energy, or maybe I was too high-energy... | ||
| It's just because you care and if you care and if you're constantly trying to improve things and you're also taking chances and you're also Trying to innovate and trying to, you know, trying to be as loose and as open as possible. | ||
| It's got to be things that don't go great. | ||
| Yes, and you have to kind of, you know, you have to kind of leave the flaws in sometime. | ||
| And one of the things I love so much about Mike Douglas, and it was such an imperfect thing in those shows. | ||
| He was interviewing the Jackson 5 one time, and it was all of them. | ||
| It was just a very slow interview because they were kids at the time. | ||
| And he said to one of them, like, so I understand you're the prankster. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, I like playing pranks. | ||
| It was like, ugh. | ||
| It was such a fucking shit moment. | ||
| But I love the fact that it was real and they left it in and they didn't fuck with it. | ||
| And nowadays they would go back and they would chop that out to him going, prank! | ||
| Yeah, I'm pranking right back. | ||
| And it would be jazzed up and fixed. | ||
| And in that moment it was kind of... | ||
| Like, just this is what it is. | ||
| It's a natural flow. | ||
| Great moments. | ||
| Slow moments. | ||
| But they're all real moments. | ||
| And I kind of... | ||
| Like what you're saying. | ||
| There's going to be little things that bother you because they're real moments. | ||
| And they're alive. | ||
| There's going to be little things that bother you because you care. | ||
| Because you want to make it... | ||
| You want it to be great. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I'm way better at doing podcasts now than I was when I first started doing it. | ||
| What will bother you in a podcast? | ||
| I'm not saying for who did a bad one, but what will be a podcast thing that you're like, fuck man, that was a bad episode. | ||
| Will it be the other person didn't talk, or you didn't get out of them what you wanted? | ||
| Could be a mistake having them on in the first place. | ||
| They just, you know, they weren't as interesting as I thought they were going to be. | ||
| Or we don't see eye to eye on things and it gets weird, which is sometimes fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But sometimes, you know, one of my favorite ones was that skeptic guy, Brian Dunning, just because it was so ridiculously off. | ||
| It was so off. | ||
| He was such a goofy guy. | ||
| He was so fucked in the head, this guy. | ||
| His mind was just so... | ||
| He would think he had a long road ahead of him, and he just kept going off cliffs. | ||
| There's something wrong with the way the guy thinks. | ||
| Sometimes you'll have a podcast and the guy's just not interesting and I just don't connect with him. | ||
| Or maybe it's me. | ||
| Maybe I'm just low energy. | ||
| I've had podcasts where maybe I was just too exhausted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I've been doing too many things. | ||
| You have to always manage your energy. | ||
| And if you're doing too many different things at the same time, like I do a lot of different things, it's a matter of making sure that you have enough. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you ever go back? | ||
| Because one of the guys I interviewed in one of the episodes is Freeway Rick. | ||
| And I know you, and he's fucking fascinating. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| But all I think is, I should have asked him this. | ||
| It's like there's never enough time to ask everything you want to ask. | ||
| Even if you ask good questions, you're like, fuck, there was that one and that one and that one, and I missed it and I missed it. | ||
| I did two podcasts with him, so I did like six hours worth of talking to him. | ||
| The first one, though, I think we really got to the heart of everything because it was three hours long and he told everything, the whole CIA connection to the Iran-Contra affair. | ||
| Notice I said Contra. | ||
| I know how to speak. | ||
| I'm very eloquent. | ||
| He was a fascinating guy and a very positive guy, man, for a guy who spent that much time in jail and very peaceful and a very interesting dude and really Earnestly working to help people not make the same mistakes that he made. | ||
| He was a nice man. | ||
| It was hard for me to picture that guy in the role of Kingpin. | ||
| And then as we were editing, we weren't chopping content on this one, it was just camera angles because of the way that I demanded the audience be set up. | ||
| We couldn't just get a two shot because I didn't know that because I'm a fucking novice cunt. | ||
| So we had to just fix a couple of camera angles. | ||
| And there's a couple of moments where Rick's talking and I just saw his face and he was being pleasant. | ||
| But I'm like, oh, that's the guy. | ||
| Who's the kingpin? | ||
| That's the guy. | ||
| And in those moments, I actually told the editor a couple of times, rewind that and pause on his face. | ||
| And he was just listening and he wasn't angry. | ||
| But I saw in that moment... | ||
| That face, I'm like, that's the guy that fucking gave the order. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This nice, pleasant man is who he really is, but you can't be this nice, pleasant man and fucking make $900 million selling cocaine. | ||
| Isn't it crazy how much he made? | ||
| He made $900 million. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| You can't be Mr. Nice Guy. | ||
| You can't operate with the Bloods and the Crips together and be a nice fucking fellow all the time. | ||
| There has to be that other part of you. | ||
| I hope he's making money now. | ||
| I hope he's doing well. | ||
| But how hard must it be when you've made $900 million selling drugs to not go back to selling drugs, to not go, I've got to figure out a way to do this and not get caught? | ||
| I wonder if it is that. | ||
| I should have asked him that, but I wonder also, is it because he got life without parole, learned to read and now he's out. | ||
| So is that overpowered by the fucking fact that you're like, you know what, I can fuck a woman if I want to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can go get a piece of pizza if I want to. | ||
| Does the gratitude for being out override the loss of material stuff? | ||
| Oh, I'm sure it does. | ||
| I'm sure it does. | ||
| Because the loss of material stuff is already out the window anyway. | ||
| He was in jail. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm sure. | ||
| Well, he's also a changed person. | ||
| Like a real legitimately changed person. | ||
| You know, in the fact that he didn't even know how to read before he got into jail. | ||
| And then he got to jail, learned how to read, and then found... | ||
| The legal flaws in the argument against him, and that's what got him released. | ||
| I mean, that's incredible. | ||
| What happened to his lawyers? | ||
| You're paying lawyers all that money, and they don't catch the fucking... | ||
| It was a three-strikes-you're-out law thing. | ||
| It was a double jeopardy thing. | ||
| Right, they counted one of them was two strikes, but it was only one because it was the same thing twice or something. | ||
| Yeah, something along those lines. | ||
| Yeah, well, I know he doesn't want to be that guy anymore, which is why he doesn't sell drugs anymore. | ||
| But that's got to be a weird thing to go from, like MC Hammer style, from having hundreds of millions of dollars to how do I pay my bills? | ||
| Yeah, and what do I do from here? | ||
| Even bigger than MC Hammer, really. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Even bigger. | ||
| Yeah, because MC Hammer didn't go to... | ||
| Although I think what MC Hammer went through was harder, because he didn't go to prison for 20 years. | ||
| He didn't have a 20-year cooling-off period with no women. | ||
| Like, you know, MC Hammer just went from fucking... | ||
| from a private plane with 30 people to, what the fuck do I do now? | ||
| I owe tax money and nothing. | ||
| Like, he did it on the outside, whereas Rick Ross had a lot of years of, like, this sucks to kind of get his life and then be grateful. | ||
| What does a guy like MC Hammer do for money? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's Google him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What would you do if you were a guy like MC Hammer and all of a sudden the gig is up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't he do the religious thing for a while? | |
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like be a pastor of a church or something like that? | |
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| Found a way to hide money that way or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a blog, but he hasn't updated it since 2013, November. | |
| Yeah, it's not good for blogging. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was on the Surreal Life. | |
| Oh, was he really? | ||
| 2003. He was managing martial artists for a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| He had some company that he was managing martial artists. | ||
| I think it was called Alchemy or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't trust him with my money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you go through fucking 30 million and now you're broke or whatever the amount was, I don't want to trust you with my financial decisions. | ||
| Well, wasn't it even crazier than that? | ||
| Like, he was spending, like, ungodly amounts of money to, like, refurbish this house, and then they had to stop halfway through it because he ran out of money. | ||
| But it was just some insane thing. | ||
| Like, the marble alone was like $8 million worth of Italian marble or something fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's really crazy how people – how fast – I had shelves built recently. | ||
| Why wouldn't there be problems with them? | ||
| Because whenever a fucking cunt face does something cultured, it falls apart. | ||
| So now the shelves are not there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're being re-repaired. | |
| And it's like you just realize that they give you an estimate. | ||
| It always goes more. | ||
| It always gets to be more. | ||
| You're already in a little bit. | ||
| You can't just stop. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, that's the thing they do to you. | ||
| That's the thing, especially unscrupulous contractors. | ||
| Sometimes it's just hidden costs they don't see coming, but some of them, they get you hooked, and then once they got you hooked, they just keep the bills coming. | ||
| They do that with car builds, too. | ||
| When you're getting a car built, they did that to me when I was on that show, Rides, where I had that Barracuda built. | ||
| It was infuriating, man. | ||
| They treat you like you're a sucker. | ||
| Keep adding to it, right? | ||
| Oh, they treat you like you're a sucker. | ||
| They give you a lowball figure and then we were past that lowball figure quick and the car was nowhere near being finished. | ||
| And I was like, guys, what's going on? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| And they were like, hey, you know, it's costing a little more than we thought. | ||
| It's costing $100,000 more. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You guys are like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And they started talking about, look, we'll sell it. | ||
| We'll sell it and we'll give you your money back. | ||
| No, the fuck you won't. | ||
| No, that's my car. | ||
| You're not going to sell it. | ||
| Because it was on the cover of popular hot rodding or one of those hot rod magazines, a couple different magazines. | ||
| So they were getting offers. | ||
| People are like, hey, you know, I want to see this car. | ||
| I'll bob all this car. | ||
| Ask this guy who wants to sell the car. | ||
| They started getting greedy. | ||
| So they started, like, doing all this crazy shit to the car to make it more valuable. | ||
| But while they were doing that, it was costing me more money. | ||
| I was financing the whole thing, and then they were threatening to sell it and just give me my money back. | ||
| And they were going to, like, make all the profit. | ||
| I was like, okay, you guys are cunts. | ||
| Like, this is the craziest fucking scenario I'm in. | ||
| And it was just like they do with a house, except it's different, because it's your house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, this isn't even your car. | ||
| Like, this is a car that you're paying for, and this guy's telling me, hey, look, if you don't want to spend X amount of money, we'll sell it, and we'll give you your money back. | ||
| Like, the fuck you will. | ||
| How'd you finally resolve it? | ||
| Well, the production company got involved and it got pretty ugly because they ripped him off too. | ||
| It was pretty bad. | ||
| The guy who built it, he made some mistakes. | ||
| It was a disaster. | ||
| It wasn't Chip Foose, it was the other guy. | ||
| It was a mess. | ||
| It was a mess. | ||
| A real mess. | ||
| It was a bunch of people who got really greedy because the car was getting a tremendous amount of attention. | ||
| It was ugly. | ||
| Are they still in business? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| They got cut out of my friend Bud's production company, though, who does Overhaul and he does a bunch of other shows. | ||
| He cut him off forever. | ||
| It's like, done. | ||
| You're done, dude. | ||
| You're cut off forever. | ||
| Some people just don't see the big picture, right? | ||
| They don't. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, all these dollar bill signs are in his head because it was on these magazine covers. | ||
| And we had this conversation on the phone. | ||
| He's like, look, you know, this car is a popular car. | ||
| I go, hey, fuckhead, why do you think this car is so much more popular than any car you ever built? | ||
| You ever think it's maybe because you're building it for a famous person? | ||
| You fucking dolt. | ||
| Do you not see that you think that you're the famous person? | ||
| Do you understand this? | ||
| This is getting you more attention. | ||
| That more attention will generate more business for you. | ||
| But we have a deal. | ||
| And you're fucking me out of my deal because someone's going to offer you an extra $30,000 or whatever this other person was offering them. | ||
| But that's what they do with cars. | ||
| They start you off. | ||
| They say, you know, we'll build a car for you, Jimmy. | ||
| It costs you about 20, 30 grand. | ||
| And then, you know, you got the car. | ||
| And then, like, Jim, the tranny is a little more expensive. | ||
| We're going to have to adjust the housing and the rear end is not good. | ||
| We're going to have to add a new rear end. | ||
| And some of that stuff is legitimate, but some of it is like a hee-hee-ha-ha, we got you. | ||
| Excellent example, by the way. | ||
| Tranny? | ||
| Yeah, the tranny, the rear end, and the transmission. | ||
| I know, I didn't even mean to add those things in that way. | ||
| It wasn't meant to be a double entendre, but it fell into place correctly. | ||
| But yeah, I'm in the middle of a thing with my house that's going great, and when you have something fixed in your house, And someone's doing it and they're doing a great job and it's all on time. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's like, the guy did what he said he was going to do and everything's working out well. | ||
| It's like relaxing. | ||
| He didn't milk it. | ||
| He didn't fuck me. | ||
| I'm going to piss again. | ||
| Wow, this is incredible. | ||
| This is the third time. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Let's just wrap this thing up. | ||
| We're done anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are we done? | |
| Okay, cool. | ||
| We're done. | ||
| So, Vice. | ||
| Vice.com. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where will people be able to see this? | ||
| On Vice.com. | ||
| Wednesday the 23rd it comes out. | ||
| And, of course, I'll be tweeting about it in the first episode. | ||
| I'll be tweeting about it as well. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Wednesday the 23rd. | ||
| Please, anything you need promoted. | ||
| When can people see you live doing stand-up? | ||
| I'm doing, in Montreal, that Jizu Theater. | ||
| And I got a bunch of stuff on JimNorton.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cobbs, August 7th, 8th, and 9th. | |
| Aha! | ||
| Cobbs in San Francisco. | ||
| Wonderful place to visit if you want to get jerked off. | ||
| Tickets available. | ||
| I've never gone there and gotten jerked off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
RubMaps.com. | |
| You'll find a lot of good places out there. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You just wander around the city. | ||
| There's wonderful places. | ||
| Thanks for having me, man. | ||
| Anytime, my brother. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I appreciate it. | |
| And if you guys wind up doing a podcast, I would love to be one of your guests. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| We'll see what happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
| Let's do it! | ||
| Let's make it happen! | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| It can't be held down anymore. | ||
| We can't allow it. | ||
| We can't allow it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| The Opie and Anthony show will continue. | ||
| It must. | ||
| It must. | ||
| With Sirius or without. | ||
| The gauntlet has been laid down. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| Thanks for tuning into the podcast. | ||
| Thanks for our sponsors. | ||
| Who do we have today? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We had... | |
| Thanks to Ting. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com and save yourself some money, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Save yourself $25 off of any brand new glorious phone from a wonderful company. | ||
| Thanks also to Blue Apron, my new favorite sponsor. | ||
| Not my new favorite, but I love them. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I'm going to eat it tonight. | ||
| Blueapron.com slash Rogan. | ||
| Go there and get your first two meals for free. | ||
| That's BlueApron.com slash Rogan. | ||
| Thanks also to Onnit.com. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T. | ||
| Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| We'll be back next week with a lot of mo. | ||
| A lot of mo show. | ||
| Until then, enjoy yourselves. | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| Be loving to each other. |
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