Aug. 27, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:54:35
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hey, freak bitches. | ||
| We're back. | ||
| This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience broadcast is brought to you by Stamps.com. | ||
| If you run a small business out of your house, the last thing you want to do is fucking measure shit and weigh it at the post office. | ||
| Good googly moogly, Joey Diaz. | ||
| Good googly moogly. | ||
| You don't want to be in that fucking line talking to some person who doesn't want to talk to you. | ||
| Waiting and waiting while some asshole in front of you is trying to buy stamps. | ||
| Trust me, do this shit on your own computer. | ||
| It's way easier. | ||
| You do it all printed out. | ||
| You measure it yourself. | ||
| They give you a scale. | ||
| It's a sweet deal. | ||
| If you click on the old-schooly-looking microphone in the upper right-hand corner, and you use the code word JRE, you get this special offer. | ||
| No risk trial, plus a $110 bonus offer, including a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage. | ||
| It's an excellent service, one that Brian Redband himself uses when he sends out those kitty cat t-shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
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Meow. | |
| It makes it so a person can actually run a business from your house with no bullshit. | ||
| So go to Stamps.com, use the code word JRE, and get your super sweet offer, you sexy bitches, which includes a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage. | ||
| That's Stamps.com, and the code word is JRE. We're also brought to you by Audible.com. | ||
| The best resource on the internet if you're looking for audio entertainment, whether it's books or radio shows like the Opie and Anthony show. | ||
| I believe they have some podcasts on there as well. | ||
| We thought they had Dan Carlin's podcast, but we were mistaken. | ||
| I want to talk to Dan about it. | ||
| He's like, nope, you're just making that shit up. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| What a great guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a great guy. | ||
| If you listen to his podcast, you'll like him even more. | ||
| Once you listen to the podcast, then you really like the guy. | ||
| Because you're like, oh, this guy's making a masterpiece. | ||
| What we're doing is just sitting around talking shit. | ||
| And I appreciate that you guys enjoy it, but the amount of effort that goes into doing one of these, it's so tiny compared to what he's doing. | ||
| He's essentially doing a real audiobook every time he releases a podcast, so it takes a few weeks to put each one out, but they're masterpieces, and he's so dramatic. | ||
| It makes listening to history exciting. | ||
| But there's a lot of fucking cool books that they have on audible.com. | ||
| There's a plethora, over 100,000 different titles. | ||
| They even have stand-up comedy. | ||
| I know they have some of my shit up there. | ||
| It's a sweet, what is that, Ender's Game? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What book is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I've heard of this before. | ||
| It's the war with, like, a hundred years into the future. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's 20 years old. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| 20 years ago was not that long ago. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| There was a movie coming out about it. | ||
| I used to think 20 years ago was like, God, it was so long ago. | ||
| Remember when you were a kid? | ||
| You thought, God, 20 years ago was the 1960s. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How ridiculous is that? | ||
| And then you realize, oh, that shit happens rather quick. | ||
| Which is really weird when you wrap your head around it and you think from 1950 to 2013 how different shit is. | ||
| But it's only 63 years. | ||
| August is almost over. | ||
| Doesn't it seem like it was just August? | ||
| Dude, time's flying. | ||
| So what is this Ender's Game? | ||
| They're making it into a book? | ||
| This is an Audible book, but they're also making it into a movie. | ||
| Oh, excuse me, making it into a movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the beautiful thing about Audible is for fucking traffic, and if you're on a plane or something like that, if you don't want to listen to a podcast, if you don't want to listen to us, this is a great way to go. | ||
| And over 100,000 different titles. | ||
| And if you go to audible.com... | ||
| You can't... | ||
| What is the fucking... | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| I think there's like a new thing we have to say with Audible. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Which one is... | ||
| No, it's Squarespace. | ||
| Squarespace is the confusing one because they want the number afterwards. | ||
| They want Joe 8. To track the months. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I think Audible.com. | ||
| You just go to Audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| You get... | ||
| Yeah, that's all it is. | ||
| And you get one free audio book and 30 free days of service. | ||
| It's a sweet deal. | ||
| and as far as like a resource of information of cool audio books nothing can fuck with Audible it's an amazing site they also support stand up comedy they even had a live thing where they were doing every week people would do like a new 5 minutes and shit didn't really work out because that's a lot of fucking time to come up with in 5 weeks people don't like to think that but to have like a rock solid 5 new minutes every week that you're really proud of that you'd want to put online wow that's hard | ||
| Yeah, so Steve Marmel was doing that. | ||
| He was doing that every week. | ||
| I remember they had a contract with him and a couple other dudes. | ||
| You know, Marmel's real topical, so he was trying to just constantly write topical jokes about funny shit that's happening in the news or what have you. | ||
| But it was fucking brutal. | ||
| That's a lot of time. | ||
| That's too hard to do. | ||
| You could do it, but man, you've got to be on the ball every day. | ||
| If you want it to really truly represent you. | ||
| So I think they stopped doing that, but they have Earth by Jon Stewart. | ||
| Does Jon Stewart read it? | ||
| He's got to read it. | ||
| You can't have somebody else read it. | ||
| Scroll back up. | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| Is that God No Penn Jillettes? | ||
| Does he read his own? | ||
| Oh, let's see. | ||
| That'd be a great one. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| Yeah, of course he did. | ||
| Why didn't you even ask? | ||
| Sarah Silverman. | ||
| Fucking destroyed on the roast. | ||
|
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Jesus Christ. | |
| Oh, she's hilarious, man. | ||
| She's hilarious, and she reads her own shit, too. | ||
| She's a very funny person. | ||
| She's, in my opinion, like, as far as, like, chick stand-ups, and I hate to break them up into chicks, but I'm gonna do it anyway. | ||
| You know, she's, like, top two, three all time, you know? | ||
| But what women have been, like, I mean, and I know a lot of people say, what about Lucille Ball? | ||
| She's more of a comedic actress. | ||
| And as far as stand-ups, I think Joan Rivers is the queen. | ||
| I don't think you can fuck with Joan Rivers. | ||
| She's been funny for like 80 years. | ||
| You can't fuck with her. | ||
| She's number one. | ||
| Women of all time, Joan Rivers. | ||
| And then you got like the Paula Poundstones, and you got like... | ||
| Roseanne Barr. | ||
| Roseanne Barr, who's a crusher. | ||
| I just heard an amazing interview with her on Ron and Fez the other day. | ||
| She's the real deal. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Her and Joan Rivers, man, that's actually kind of close when you think about that. | ||
| She's a beast. | ||
| We gotta get Rosie. | ||
| She's fucking funny, man. | ||
| She's funny, man. | ||
|
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She was strong. | |
| In the 80s, I remember she was funny like the best guys in the world were funny. | ||
| You know, I mean, she was a killer. | ||
| She didn't give a fuck. | ||
| And then when they gave her a TV show, she gave less fucks. | ||
| She's a beast. | ||
| She was talking about how she, like, her first show, or first comedy show in L.A., like, she had only been doing, I think, comedy, like, two years. | ||
| Mitzi loved her. | ||
| And that same show, like her first night in LA. The Tonight Show. | ||
| Yeah, she booked The Tonight Show on the first night. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| We've got to get her on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's insane. | |
| I talked to her, like she was thinking about stopping by our San Diego show and Comic Con. | ||
| So you chat with her? | ||
| Yeah, on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
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She follows me. | |
| She's cool, though. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Well, she follows me on Twitter. | ||
| She asks me questions sometimes. | ||
| She's all into like New World Order type shit. | ||
| Imagine smoking weed with her, having her on a podcast. | ||
| Oh, dude, it'd be amazing. | ||
| I just love to give her a hug. | ||
| When she's on Letterman, tape it, even if you can't watch it. | ||
| Look, I did Rosie O'Donnell's show just to meet Rosie. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| I think she's badass. | ||
| I like her. | ||
| Whether I agree with what she says about things or not, I think Rosie's got some balls. | ||
| And she doesn't seem like an asshole to me at all. | ||
| No, when they had that show on VH1 with the badge, the stand-up badge, that the host quit and Rosie took over, that was when she was a strong-ass woman. | ||
| And the girl you like, dog, she rips up some fucking stages, too. | ||
|
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Who? | |
| What's the chick on Channel 5 every day, the one that's seen you at the bus stop? | ||
| The lesbian chick that seen you on the bus stop, you went on her show, the other day you were looking for tickets. | ||
| Oh, you're talking about Ellen DeGeneres? | ||
|
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Ellen DeGeneres used to rip it up in her fucking day too, dog. | |
| Yeah, she ripped it up. | ||
| There's a couple motherfuckers that ripped it up. | ||
| Paula Poundstone ripped it up. | ||
| The chick from the Comedy Store, the one that was in with them, they smoked a joint with the chick with the fucking big tits, Lily Tomlin. | ||
| She used to rip up the Oh yeah, she'd do more of a theatrical thing, like a one-woman show. | ||
| But I think, you know, in my opinion, Sarah Silverman's right up there. | ||
| I think she's one of the top ones. | ||
|
unidentified
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Let's go. | |
| It's Rivers with a strong Roseanne kicking the fucking door. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Roseanne might have been better. | ||
| Like, as her delivery... | ||
| Man, no, it's fucking hard, dude. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| Because Joan Rivers is still out there swinging. | ||
| So in my opinion, you've got to give her number one because she's still swinging. | ||
| She's still out there doing concerts and shit and killing. | ||
| But when they asked her if she was on The Wrestler, it's one of the funniest things ever. | ||
| She's pretty gangster. | ||
| They asked her if she was in The Wrestler. | ||
| I almost fucking died when I heard that. | ||
| I think it's harder for a woman to do stand-up. | ||
|
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Fuck yeah! | |
| I think that men are sexist for the most part and they don't want to listen to a woman talk. | ||
| You know, I think it's harder to get a lot of men's attention. | ||
| And obviously that's a big generalization because there's a lot of Sarah Silverman fans from men. | ||
| A lot of women fans of comedy, there are men. | ||
| I cheer for women when they're featuring. | ||
| I cheer for women when they're featuring. | ||
| And I love motherfuckers who go on stage headlining and think they're going to follow a woman on a Saturday night. | ||
| Your shit better be tight. | ||
| Because if this chick decides to go up there, the shit goes her way. | ||
| Remember, that's half women. | ||
| Shit goes her way. | ||
| You're gonna have a rough time, and I've seen it happen. | ||
| Oh, you know I've seen Burry? | ||
|
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I've seen Burry motherfuckers. | |
| Burry them! | ||
| With ego at the store. | ||
| Don't fuck around with women sometimes. | ||
| I've seen Shayma Tash bury motherfuckers in the OR. Yeah. | ||
| I've seen her bury motherfuckers in the OR. There's a lot of women who will take that room and flip you. | ||
| They don't have titties. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They look like they've been fucked in the ass a thousand times. | ||
| And they go up there with that attitude and you're sitting there going, wow. | ||
| What was the Puerto Rican chick at the store early on that married, what's his name? | ||
| That she had the kid with what's his name and she did a couple episodes of NYPD Blue and she was on her way. | ||
| I saw her in there a couple Tuesday nights and I was like, damn, this bitch, if she was on the road for a few years, she had a kid. | ||
| By that time she had the kids, she'd sit the kid in the fucking bar at the Comedy Store and go do 15 minutes. | ||
| Well, I think I told you that one of the most promising sets of an open-miker I ever saw was Kelly Kirsten. | ||
| Kelly Kirsten, absolutely. | ||
| Dude, let me tell you something. | ||
| Kelly Kirsten, especially when she didn't have a boyfriend. | ||
| She's a sweetie and she you know she'd get a boyfriend she'd calm down but when she didn't have a boyfriend she was fucking angry and she did this bit man she did this bit I wish I was a man you know Kelly's like I'm short I'm 5'8 and she's at least five inches taller than me right I mean how tall is she she's 6'1 6'2 yeah I would say 6'1 she's a very tall girl and and she get fucking angry and she's like real physical and like she would do she did this bit I I wish I was a man. | ||
| If I was a man, I'd come in chicks and go, fuck you, have my kid. | ||
|
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She goes, if I was a man, she goes, if I had a dick, I'd kick old ladies into the traffic. | |
| And it's like this really wild bit, man. | ||
| And I was an open mic, or she was an open mic, rather. | ||
| I mean, she was just starting out. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| I was like, this chick is fucking strong. | ||
| Joe, you saw it, that the chicks that went to the comedy store Either had to sit or get off the fucking pot. | ||
| They only had about three or four weeks to adjust to that style of comedy. | ||
| And you would see them go away on their own because it's six guys before you. | ||
| And you gotta go up there with your little quaint material at 1045. You had about three or four of those sets until it got back to Mitzi. | ||
| So now what you had to do is go in there and go, you know what? | ||
| I gotta use my pussy and go in and throw some fucking heat and throw some steam. | ||
| And that's either do or die at the store. | ||
| Even Sherri Shepherd. | ||
| I remember Sherri Shepherd used to come in early on. | ||
| What was the cute black girl that had the white boyfriend manager? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| And then you had La Mer that was all stitched up and plastic surgeried up and shit. | ||
| They were holding it together with crazy glue. | ||
| I remember a comic that used to go to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| She was asking me about the store. | ||
| Like, you know, like, when should I go up? | ||
| Like, when is the crowd, like, the nicest? | ||
| I was like, stop. | ||
| I was like, end this conversation right now. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| You're talking about chaos. | ||
| Audible.com. | ||
| Go to Audible. | ||
| Go buy yourself some cool shit. | ||
| There's a lot of books. | ||
| Like I said, Sarah Silverman's book, and that's a good one. | ||
| Go get that one. | ||
| Get it for free. | ||
| Audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| Do you know her manager? | ||
| Have you ever met Sarah Silverman's manager? | ||
| Which one's her manager? | ||
| Some lady who was amazing, and she was so fucking badass. | ||
| She was just coming up to guys and going, you better not fuck with Tony! | ||
| If you fuck with Tony! | ||
| It was intense. | ||
| She was amazing. | ||
| What was that about? | ||
| I think Tony's managers were there. | ||
| And so she just came up and started just screaming at these two guys. | ||
| It was so awesome. | ||
| And then I was like, who was that girl? | ||
| And he goes, oh, that's Sir Soerman's manager. | ||
| I was like, that's badass. | ||
| She's a badass. | ||
| Alright, we're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| We do have a new thing at Onnit. | ||
| We have an orangutan kettlebell now. | ||
| The orangutan kettlebell is like 50-something pounds. | ||
| They insist on doing them in poods. | ||
|
unidentified
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Holy shit! | |
| One pood and two poods. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| Yeah, so now we have the orangutan that goes along with the chimp and the gorilla, the orangutan being the 1.5 pood, which I think is 52 pounds or something like that, or 50 pounds. | ||
| Why are you doing it with pood? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know why they did that. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's so ridiculous. | |
| What is a pood, man? | ||
| It's an old piece of poo. | ||
| It's to show we're legit, bro. | ||
| Yeah, I think we're really fucking up there, Aubrey. | ||
| Let's put the goddamn weight to these things. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's like fucking kilos and shit. | ||
| Yeah, why do we have to have inside fucking secret shit, like a pood? | ||
| I don't even know what a pood is, and I sell these things. | ||
| Why don't you do it by ounces? | ||
| That would be cooler. | ||
| I work out with these bitches every day, and I don't know what a fucking pood is. | ||
| Fucking pood. | ||
| What's a pood, goddammit? | ||
| But what they are is these Primal Bells. | ||
| Go to onnit.krc.com. | ||
| Kettlebells, onnit.com forward slash kettlebells. | ||
| And you'll see the regular kettlebells, which we sell. | ||
| But the new ones are the Primal Bells. | ||
| And if you go to onnit.com forward slash primal dash bells, you'll see these. | ||
| And that's the orangutan. | ||
| They're not as threatening looking. | ||
| They have like a big mushy face. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like Ari's balls. | ||
| Was it the fat guy in Blade? | ||
| That was in the bed. | ||
| Remember the fat guy in Blade? | ||
| Eric Griffin. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| It's really amazing artwork, too. | ||
| If you see it with the black contrast, you can see how good the artwork is. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| As far as idea to actual product, when we came up with this idea and then seeing them now, The difference is... | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| The fucking gorilla is amazing, man. | ||
| I can't help but look at that thing. | ||
| Look at that, Joey. | ||
| Look at that gorilla. | ||
| That shit's incredible. | ||
| I mean, look at that thing. | ||
| Look at the fucking artwork on that. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's so badass. | ||
| And they're really well balanced as well. | ||
| It's one of the most important things about doing this Primal Bell thing is that we wanted to make sure that if we had these gigantic kettlebells, we would... | ||
| Even though they have this beautiful artwork on them, we wanted to make sure they're balanced. | ||
| So what's the lightest one weigh? | ||
| 35 pounds. | ||
| One pooed. | ||
| And that's the lightest one they have? | ||
| Yeah, it's 35 pounds, 1.5, which is whatever. | ||
| And then there's the gorilla, which is 2, which is 70. You think they are doing the pood because it's like monkey pood? | ||
| No, because they're being silly. | ||
| Yeah, they're being silly. | ||
| They're being like, that's what it is, traditional. | ||
| I didn't even think about it until today. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's because I'm high as fuck. | |
| I see things clearly. | ||
| When I'm really high, I see things clearly. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Um, yeah. | ||
| So, anyway, go there. | ||
| Go there and check that shit out. | ||
| Have some, uh, get yourself some hemp force protein. | ||
| Get yourself some, uh, all kinds of battle ropes and weight vests and steel maces. | ||
| Anything you need as far as, like, strength and conditioning. | ||
| If you're trying to tell people you train UFC, yeah, you ever see that shit they do on All Access? | ||
| It's me, bro. | ||
| With the fucking ropes in my yard. | ||
| I'm swinging around a mace. | ||
| It's like old school. | ||
| If we go back to sword fighting, I'm prepared. | ||
| We also sell buffalo bars. | ||
| They're called Tonka bars. | ||
| Them shits is delicious. | ||
| They're made the way the Native Americans used to make them as well, with these cranberries and buffalo meat. | ||
| Buffalo's super good for you and delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
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And buffaloes are big, so if you shoot them, you're likely to hit them. | |
| It's easier to farm them that way, Joey Diaz. | ||
| What are you bothering me? | ||
| What are you bothering me? | ||
| Anyway, onnit.com, use the code name ROGAN, you'll save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Oh, and I need to say about this orangutan thing. | ||
| We're donating money for each primal bell. | ||
| Each purchase donates $5 to Save the Red Ape. | ||
| It's an orangutan charity organization. | ||
| So whatever this organization is called, it's unclear here on this email. | ||
| I'll just read it what it says, and we'll figure it out together. | ||
| It says, we launched the orangutan primal bell and have linked it to an orangutan charity organization. | ||
| Every purchase donates $5 to Save the Red Ape. | ||
| I don't know if Save the Red Ape is the name of the organization, or there's an organization that's not named. | ||
| That's unclear to me in that statement, so I'll just be clear about that. | ||
| But the idea is that for every one of these orangutan kettlebells we sell, five bucks will go to whatever this charity is. | ||
| So I guess orangutans are endangered. | ||
| They're fucking weird looking, man. | ||
| I mean, they really do look like something out of Avatar. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's a real animal. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| An intelligent looking thing with this fucking crazy face. | ||
| Please, stop. | ||
| Shut that off. | ||
| I don't want to focus on that at all. | ||
| Anyway, orangutan kettlebells in onnit.com. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Joey Diaz is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Suck it. | ||
| Start it up. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Let's get this going. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, Joey motherfucking Diaz, fresh off the road, killing him in D.C., taking it nationwide. | ||
| Joey Diaz, no longer stationary, constantly on the move now. | ||
| Got no choice, brother. | ||
| You're on the move, dog. | ||
| Got no choice. | ||
| And then we're going to Milwaukee and I'm fucking excited. | ||
| I'm going to get some good spaghetti. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A good Italian neighborhood over there. | ||
| Joe, you're killing them out there, man. | ||
| You're killing them. | ||
| We're trying, brother. | ||
| You're killing them. | ||
| This was the plan 12 years ago. | ||
| And finally, you know, it ain't no... | ||
| Listen, man, when you're there and you put the work in, it becomes easy. | ||
| And you're enjoying it. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely... | ||
| You can't wait to fucking stay home. | ||
| You can't wait to go out and try that new joke anymore, that new delivery. | ||
| You know, you're a black belt in comedy. | ||
| It's a fun thing to do now, yeah. | ||
| Very fun, you know. | ||
| It's funny because I went from the two fucking tremendous shows we did in Boston, which... | ||
| Those are amazing. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| You don't ever want to bomb in Boston. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| For me, that's the end of everything. | ||
| That's Aerosmith. | ||
| That's Dane Cook. | ||
| That's a lot of fun. | ||
| Lenny Clark. | ||
| There's so much tradition. | ||
| I remember the first time I played Andover. | ||
| To me, I went to the store that, like, all those guys from Boston. | ||
| What was the Taekwondo guy that also had sleep apnea? | ||
| Leroy? | ||
| Leroy Rodriguez? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Comedians from Boston. | ||
| He had long hair and he'd play a character. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| God damn it, man. | ||
| Those guys got me at the clubs. | ||
| What the fuck is his name? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He's going to kill me. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm sorry, dog. | |
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Yeah, they were all your buddies. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they were like, dog, you ever played Boston? | ||
| I'm like, nah. | ||
| We'll get you in there. | ||
| So they got me into the Comedy Connection on Mondays, the open mic with the kid who died, Kevin Fitzgerald, or whatever his name was. | ||
| Kevin Fitzgerald's in Denver. | ||
| Kevin, he was friends with our friend McGuire, a mutual buddy. | ||
| He died of cancer. | ||
| Kevin Knox on Mondays. | ||
| They introduced me to him. | ||
| So I became a part of this thing. | ||
| I would do Andover, the Aku Aku, and I was never good enough to play Boston. | ||
| I would get to do the Connection on Monday nights. | ||
| And that's like having a fucking stripe in comedy, when you get to play Boston and they accept you into that community. | ||
| So I knew before I went to Boston, that week I did as many sets as I could to tighten my shit up. | ||
| We didn't go to Boston unprepared. | ||
| It was me, you and Ari. | ||
| You know, I mean, it was just a fucking perfect night. | ||
| It was funny how the next day I had to go to a summer jam up in San Jose with Russell Peters, who was a pleasure to fucking see, and Angela Johnson and all those guys. | ||
| And I didn't really get across. | ||
| I was burnt out from the Boston shows. | ||
| Like, I put all the energy I had to those two fucking shows at the Wilbur Theater, which was great. | ||
| It was a great thing that I left, and Channel Son of One and Fox One fucking Sports the whole thing. | ||
| The dude's name was Dom, wasn't it? | ||
| Hit me. | ||
| What was his last name? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's driving me crazy. | ||
| Dominic, he just hit me up and you up about sleep apnea. | ||
| He wanted to go take a test about a year ago. | ||
| I can't believe I can't remember his name. | ||
| I ran out of room. | ||
| I ran out of room for names, Joey. | ||
| It's no disrespect. | ||
| People don't understand that. | ||
| And the attorney that was the... | ||
| Dominic Figg. | ||
| What was the nice gay kid... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| I was so worried I was going to not remember his name. | ||
| It was a nice gay kid that went to Chris McGuire's house to eat dinner, and your name came up, and there was two gay guys at the table, and they go, he doesn't like Joe Rogan. | ||
| He goes, why not? | ||
| He goes, he called Princess Diana a cunt. | ||
| And they all went. | ||
| They all went. | ||
| Oh my God, it was horrible. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Those were great times, and those guys from Boston took me, and they would take me up there, so then I went to San Jose, then I went to DC and that was really the first time I used to do like headliners in Tyson's Corner for years. | ||
| I used to fly into Dulles. | ||
| This is the first time I was in the city and it was an experience because I tell you what if I would have gone five years ago guys I would have bombed this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Why do you say that? | ||
| Because I learned how to control more. | ||
| You know you learn and you know it's so funny how we put ourselves out there where you never did. | ||
| I didn't have a choice. | ||
| They would tell me to ask me to headline and I would go up there with stupid fucking jokes. | ||
| And you would headline, and you'd have the time, but you weren't really a headliner. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| When people start to come to see you, it makes you work a little harder. | ||
| Like, every time you see them, you want to have new material or a new flow to you. | ||
| So I had never been there. | ||
| And I sharpened up this week, and I went there. | ||
| And I'll tell you, they were very politically correct. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| The city of D.C. downtown? | ||
| Hey man, it's the nation's fucking capital. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm talking about weed under my nuts. | ||
| You know, you can't do that. | ||
| But they took the ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And as far as the club, the fucking DC Improv is tits. | ||
| The staff, the fucking, the Spanish bartenders, I mean the whole fucking deal is just a great little club. | ||
| I had the burrito one night. | ||
| Just the whole experience. | ||
| The city of Washington, D.C., I had the best chicken teriyaki and white tuna I've had the last 20 fucking years. | ||
| I've done theaters there before a couple different times, but I never did the improv before recently. | ||
| I did it with Callen. | ||
| Yeah, I just stopped there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go back. | |
| Let's go back and do a week, three nights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| What, there? | ||
| You want to go back there? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, let's go back. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| We had a lot of good people there. | ||
| I went to a lot of places here where Dead Squad usually doesn't go. | ||
| I'll tell you what place really blew my fucking mind. | ||
| They're ready to kill people. | ||
| Salt Lake City. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| The Mormons are ready, dog. | ||
| They ain't fucking around. | ||
| Louisville, Kentucky. | ||
| They're ready. | ||
| They'll come down. | ||
| No, I went to Lexington, the home of University of Kentucky. | ||
| I had a great summer going to these places that were oddball, but I wanted to see what was out there, who was listening to the fucking pop. | ||
| People were driving six, seven hours. | ||
| People driving. | ||
| I did that Louisville place with Duncan. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| Yeah, with Segura. | ||
| No, with Duncan. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| Maybe I did it with Segura, too. | ||
| Yeah, Segura, too. | ||
| Did I do it twice? | ||
| I think I did one night and a weekend or something like that. | ||
| I'm going back to Nashville this year. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Oh, Nashville's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nashville's great. | |
| Is Utah really that crazy? | ||
| I mean, like, are people crazy out there? | ||
| That's why, yeah. | ||
| No, I mean, like, the people out there. | ||
| Oh, what you mean is, like, are they like crazy Mormons? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, did they party there? | ||
| Yeah, but that's Mormon. | ||
| Joe, did you see this map? | ||
| It's kind of like what you've talked about. | ||
| It's of all the porn searches they just released. | ||
| Pornhub did it. | ||
| And, of course, what you used to always say, the South Ebony is all Ebony. | ||
| But Utah, blank. | ||
| And somebody, people are saying it's because child porn is the number one. | ||
| What? | ||
| Well, Utah is blank. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's like one of the few states where there's no downloads of porn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Wow, look at Maine. | ||
| Look at Vermont. | ||
| They just gave up. | ||
| Asian, California. | ||
| I don't know what Anita Queen is. | ||
| Do you know what Anita Queen is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never even heard of that. | ||
| What is this website that you're going to? | ||
| This is Gizmodo, and it's based off statistics given by Pornhub. | ||
| Cream Pie is Florida. | ||
| Teen is Texas. | ||
| What's that noise? | ||
| You're not hearing that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Here's some crazy feedback. | ||
| Cream pie was a lot more popular than imagined. | ||
| Cream pie is like number one. | ||
| Yeah, I think cream pie is probably number one and teens probably number two. | ||
| Well, because people like to come into people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cream pie. | |
| No, like most of them are cream pies. | ||
| Well, that's what people like, I think. | ||
| Let me look at this. | ||
| I don't know what the map looks like. | ||
| You know, I heard that Al Franken can draw the map. | ||
| Like, you could get Al Franken up to a chalkboard, and he could just draw the map for you. | ||
| And I was kind of, like, sad. | ||
| Because I was like, um, I can't. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah, I have no idea where you are. | ||
| Like, I'm looking at these things, okay? | ||
| Because it's just cream pie, cream pie. | ||
| They're, like, listing. | ||
| Texas is teen, which is fucking creepy, man. | ||
| That shit's creepy. | ||
| Ohio's MILF cream pie. | ||
| So not just cream pie, it's old cream pie. | ||
| Yeah, this is weird, man. | ||
| It's weird how California is dominated by Asian. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Number one, Asian. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Head of the times. | ||
| And the average visits... | ||
| Well, I don't understand that. | ||
| Do you get that? | ||
| Average number of visits duration. | ||
| So the duration, the average for the people in California was like on the darker end. | ||
| But not as dark as fucking, like, look at Georgia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's teen. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Ebony has the longest. | ||
| So you can go into a store and say, I want teen porn and they'll sell it to you? | ||
| Like two kids fucking like 16? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They're like 18 or 19 or something like that. | ||
| And that's the idea. | ||
| But you go into and get like Asian porn, like a white dude fucking a Chinese chick? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Online, you get that stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's impossible. | ||
| That's like so standard. | ||
| It's weird how there's like standard like categories of porn. | ||
| You know, like DP. Like that's a category. | ||
| What's DP? Double penetration. | ||
| That's like normal. | ||
| We're like, one's the ass, one's the vagina. | ||
| It's so passe. | ||
| It's so passe that it's its own category. | ||
| It's like, not just once. | ||
| Not just a couple crazy people got together. | ||
| One in her ass and one in the vagina. | ||
| Yeah, double penetration. | ||
| Two dudes right in her asshole like that together. | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| If you're a chick and you love dick, tell me that wouldn't be amazing. | ||
| The problem is that it's on video and everyone's gonna know, but the reality, if you're a girl, if you like anal sex, I don't know if girls like it, but if you do like it, it varies, but if you do like it and you like it in your box as well, I mean, take away society standards and that would be super awesome. | ||
| If you had Ashton Kutcher in your butt and Brad Pitt in your box, I mean, if you were a gal, you'd be so happy. | ||
| But it would be like, you know, Ashton, get out of there. | ||
| You're gobbling it all up. | ||
| Save me some. | ||
| Why would you want... | ||
| That's not... | ||
| Wouldn't you rather have Brad Pitt in there? | ||
| Why would you share it with Ashton? | ||
| Well, because you're a freak and you want it all. | ||
| She has no limitations to her freakness. | ||
| I have no idea what this Anita porn is. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| When I Google it, like that once state was... | ||
| Nevada. | ||
| It's just Anita Queen is what the kind of porn is called. | ||
| I can't figure out what it is. | ||
| Anita Queen? | ||
| I don't understand a word of what you're saying. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| See here? | ||
| Asian is California. | ||
| Anita Queen is the... | ||
| Oh, that's the style of porn? | ||
| Yeah, and when I look it up, it looks like it's like pageant porn or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, that actually is interesting. | ||
| That was a category of like, you've won the pageant. | ||
| I'll suck it, you dirty bitch. | ||
| Like, yeah, you got the queen. | ||
| You took down the number one gal. | ||
| No, that's a weird thing, isn't it? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| The categories are weird, like that some dudes only jerk off to anal. | ||
| They're just like, they can't wait to see some more butt porn. | ||
| Yeah, put it where you're not supposed to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| You know, like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| It's weird how that's actually like a category. | ||
| Yeah, I find myself going into weird categories a lot lately just to mix it up. | ||
| Kind of like when you drink the same alcohol for so long, you're like, I'm going to try something different. | ||
| I've been like black chicks getting fucked by big white guys. | ||
| Is there a lot of that? | ||
| Yeah, there's tons of that. | ||
| So, black chicks getting dominated by white guys with big dicks? | ||
| Yeah, huge dicks. | ||
| So it's like some, like, you look at this black guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you in your face, buddy. | ||
| Yeah, look at my giant white pecker. | ||
| Then have them sprint to the girl. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| The first guy who gets there gets to fuck her. | ||
| Be a bunch of white guys jacking off. | ||
| Oh, come on! | ||
| Come on, black guy with a big dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear this? | |
| The sex industry closed down because of AIDS again. | ||
| Yes, I did hear about that. | ||
| And the chick, that boner guy, that chick that did a porn. | ||
| With Wiener. | ||
| Anthony Wiener, who's the politician. | ||
| Yeah, she actually did a movie with a guy that has AIDS. Yeah, I read that. | ||
| She did a movie. | ||
| Well, the guy was exposed to HIV. He had sex with the girl who had contacted HIV. He had sex with her, but... | ||
| Allegedly, from what I've read, it's not that easy to transmit from HIV from a woman to a man, that it's much easier for a man to a woman because the man injects fluids into the body. | ||
| So I don't know if that's true, though. | ||
| Obviously, I'm not a doctor. | ||
| But Tommy Morrison is supposedly really sick with AIDS now. | ||
| He has full-blown AIDS. And they did a story about it recently. | ||
| Somebody posted it on the underground, and it's really fucking sad. | ||
| I mean, he's dying. | ||
| He's on life support system, essentially. | ||
| He has full-blown AIDS. And they say he got it from a girl. | ||
| I mean, it might be possible. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| I've heard... | ||
| Obviously, that's what you always hear. | ||
| It's not possible for a guy to get it from a girl. | ||
| You always hear that. | ||
| But I don't know if that's... | ||
| I don't think he did anything else unless he got it from a needle. | ||
| He could have got it from a needle. | ||
| That's the obvious fucking choice. | ||
| Well, we were talking about that yesterday with Dwayne Ludwig. | ||
| We were talking about fighters and pills and pain relief and, you know, fucking, would release pain better than heroin? | ||
| I mean, is there anything? | ||
| Right? | ||
| So for a lot of fighters, they might have started shooting up because the heroin, like, relieving the pain for them was so effective. | ||
| They don't want to do it that way. | ||
| Those opiates, you know, that's what it's about. | ||
| Getting used to needles in general. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| If you're a fighter and you're used to getting punched in the face, getting your face stitched up, needles are not going to freak you out. | ||
| You ain't worried about fucking needles when Stitch is putting your nose back together in the second round and you're going back out there to fight another two fucking rounds or three fucking rounds. | ||
| Yeah, you do fucking five rounds with Ray Mercer and get KO'd into the ropes like he did. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Tommy Morrison getting knocked out by Ray Mercer is one of the most frightening knockouts I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Because, well, first of all, it's frightening because Ray Mercer was a murderous puncher. | ||
| But it was hilarious for me because I had this friend that would always root for white guys. | ||
| He would fucking... | ||
| He wanted white guys to win boxing matches so bad. | ||
| He never wanted it to be the best fighter. | ||
| He always wanted it to be the white fighter. | ||
| So, like, he rooted for Jerry Cooney, and so he got hit here, and Ray Mercer just unloads on him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he gets caught in the ropes, though. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Like, he's caught in the ropes, and Raymars is teeing off him. | ||
| That's terrible quality. | ||
| Is there a better quality version of that? | ||
| We could see it smooth? | ||
| Because it was real so choppy. | ||
| But anyway, it was a frightening, frightening knockout. | ||
| But once you've done that, you can shoot heroin. | ||
| And that's 235 PA. Listen, bro. | ||
| Once you have that pain... | ||
| And that pain doesn't fucking go away, and that little needle knocks it away. | ||
| Listen to all those people's stories. | ||
| That's how it started. | ||
| You know, that's how it started. | ||
| And all of a sudden, a rookie's behind you to take your fucking job in football. | ||
| You just bought your fucking girl a house and a boat. | ||
| And you bought your parents a boat, and now you're 28, and a 22-year-old All-American is coming in front of you. | ||
| And you got a little bit of knee pain. | ||
| And if you complain about it, then you have surgery. | ||
| And you're out, and then this motherfucker steals your job. | ||
| What were you going to do? | ||
| You ain't got time. | ||
| You do what you need to do. | ||
| Shoot the cortisone. | ||
| Shoot the fucking Decker. | ||
| Shoot the Mecca. | ||
| Shoot it all. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| As long as I play, at the end of the season, we'll talk about surgery. | ||
| Then guess what, dog? | ||
| At the end of surgery, they meet a fucking guru who says, you don't need surgery. | ||
| We're going to shoot this in you and that's it. | ||
| Ray Mercer was a fucking murderous puncher back then. | ||
| This one right here. | ||
| Watching that. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Dude, all of them. | ||
| Yeah, the one, the left that stiffened him and the right that put him down. | ||
| And then he hit him two more times, full clip after that. | ||
| Watch that one more time, just the finishing blows. | ||
| Because I'm serious, it's one of the most devastating knockouts I've ever seen. | ||
| Man, if you saw this on TV, when was this? | ||
| The 70s? | ||
| Late 70s? | ||
| Early 80s? | ||
| Uh, 80s. | ||
| Here's that right hand. | ||
| And Bray Mercer was a fucking killer! | ||
| And he could take it too, man. | ||
| Bray could take it. | ||
| Look at these shots. | ||
| Bing! | ||
| Bang! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Bam! | ||
| And two more before he goes down! | ||
| Look how many times he fucking hit him, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's some Game of Maids, those punches, though. | |
| He got punched with AIDS. You're not even joking, though. | ||
| It might have. | ||
| Doug, that was it. | ||
| He just got AIDS. Like, something had to happen. | ||
| He didn't get brain damage when he got AIDS, Doug. | ||
| Who knows how he got it, but... | ||
| He must have ate sushi that afternoon and got hit in the head real hard. | ||
| That's not good for your health. | ||
| No! | ||
| That fucked him up! | ||
| That was it! | ||
| They did the movie with Stallone and he was done, dog. | ||
| Yeah, you know, there's some sort of a... | ||
| He did the movie with Stallone after that, didn't he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think it was before that. | ||
| Before that, right? | ||
| That sent him over the fucking top. | ||
| The movie did? | ||
| That was the wrong guy. | ||
| That was like giving a Puerto Rico check on the 5th, dog. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Too early, right? | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| They sent him over the top, dog. | ||
| Did you imagine being the fucking guy who gets to play Tommy Gunn back in the day? | ||
| I mean, how does anybody handle that? | ||
| Rocky Balboa. | ||
| Yeah, you're a young fighter. | ||
| I'm playing a guy that Rocky took in with a fucking... | ||
| It was a horrible fucking... | ||
| What was the black guy in that movie? | ||
| Who was the big black guy that did all those movies? | ||
| Who was Tyson's manager that robbed him? | ||
| Don King. | ||
| Don King. | ||
| Remember the Don King in that movie? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He was the worst. | ||
| Come on, Tommy! | ||
| Come with me in a limo. | ||
| We got whiskey. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| We got whiskey and white women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Tommy just got punched in the head with Ray Mercer. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| You going to stand there next to Sylvester? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Remember he was doing blow in the limo? | ||
| Get that scene up. | ||
| Get that scene up when he's doing blow in the limo. | ||
| She's got those little white milky titties. | ||
| He's going fucking bananas. | ||
| Rocky's like, what about when I taught you? | ||
| Fuck you, bitch. | ||
| This bitch is banging. | ||
| It must be incredibly hard to keep your motivation to be a fighter when that happens. | ||
| Because a fighter, that's like the opposite world of being a fighter. | ||
| Like, you're in a gigantic blockbuster. | ||
| You're in a Rocky movie! | ||
| Back when it means something to be in a Rocky movie. | ||
| You know, if you're in, like, Rocky tonight, like, if you're in Rocky today... | ||
| That's what I do! | ||
| It's all I've ever done! | ||
| Did you see Rocky Balboa, the last one? | ||
| No, no, no! | ||
| Hey, man, if you're into Rocky movies, it's not bad. | ||
| That's it right there when he leaves. | ||
| This is the final scene with Rocky and Tommy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the white chick. | |
| Oh, this is great in Spanish. | ||
| And Tommy Morris hitting him square off and there's the shitty Don King. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They got big as small his head is. | |
| Oh, Rocky punched him a bunch of times in the back of the head. | ||
| Wow, and knocked him down. | ||
| Tommy's really upset. | ||
| Oh, wow, he threw at him and Rocky hit him on the way in. | ||
| Incredible fight here. | ||
| Wow, Rocky took his legs out. | ||
| He's going MMA. No ground and pound now? | ||
| Uh-oh, now Tommy's coming back. | ||
| Boy, that looks fake. | ||
| Holy shit, that looks fake. | ||
| That looks so fake, it should be illegal. | ||
| That looks so fake, they gave him 20 million. | ||
| That's how fucking fake so best it is. | ||
| Oh, he probably made at least 20 million from this movie. | ||
| This is a huge movie, man. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Here's the finish. | ||
| One giant left hook. | ||
| Look at Don King. | ||
| Look at Don King. | ||
| You hit me, I'll sue you. | ||
| So that's the digital signal that we're allowed to use, the Spanish version? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We can get away with that? | ||
| Yeah, you just gotta get the brain juice. | ||
| So I found the map of the US, and I didn't know where a lot of shit was. | ||
| I didn't know where a lot of shit was in the weird areas, like the Maine and New Hampshire areas. | ||
| So hold Joe Rogan, look at me. | ||
| Joe Rogan, look at me, quick, quick. | ||
| What's the six states in New England? | ||
| New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts. | ||
| Connecticut. | ||
| Rhode Island, Connecticut. | ||
| Where's Bob Marley from? | ||
| Maine. | ||
| Did I not put Maine? | ||
| I forgot Maine? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is Maine New England? | ||
| It must be. | ||
| Yeah, Maine's New England. | ||
| Maine's got to be New England. | ||
| Yeah, okay, so I forgot that. | ||
| And New Hampshire's New England, too, no? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Whoa, those are states? | ||
| That's the real place. | ||
| Hey, how dare you? | ||
| New Hampshire is where I live. | ||
| Yeah, you don't know. | ||
| You really are a baby. | ||
| New Hampshire's where if you don't live close to Boston, you fly into New Hampshire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the fucking flights are dirt cheap. | ||
| It's like two different fucking worlds to fly into New Hampshire. | ||
| New Hampshire's filled with a lot of fucking people that don't want to hear the government's bullshit. | ||
| They're all like those live free or die folks. | ||
| They have compounds set up. | ||
| That's on their license plate, live free or die. | ||
| That's a gangster state. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're, like, up there, too, where you gotta, like, shoot moose to stay alive. | ||
| When you're north of Boston, you're a silly bitch, okay? | ||
| What? | ||
| That's not cold enough for you? | ||
| You need to go further? | ||
| Because when we would do gigs in Maine, I'd be like, oh my god, it's colder. | ||
| Like, we'd be in Boston, and we'd go to Maine to do a gig in December, and it'd be 10 degrees cold. | ||
| You get out of the car, you're like, I can't believe these motherfuckers live where it's colder than where we live. | ||
| You ever been somewhere where you look up and you go, how the fuck do people live here? | ||
| And you make like a mental note like this is the coldest I've ever been. | ||
| January 5th, 1995. They took me up from Denver, Colorado. | ||
| I was living in Boulder to do a gig in Cheyenne, Wyoming, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It had to be 35 fucking below with the windshield. | ||
| I left the hotel and I asked the guy at the fucking thing, where do you get something to eat? | ||
| And he looked at me and he goes, maybe 50 yards down, but I wouldn't leave if I was you. | ||
| And I looked at him like, bitch. | ||
| And I went out there and started walking. | ||
| And like 25 minutes in, I was like, it's too cold to walk there? | ||
| And if I get there, it's going to definitely be too cold to come back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like that's hard. | ||
| I walked and I had chili. | ||
| I mean, it was horrendous. | ||
| I had to take your jacket off and I had to sit next to the heater. | ||
| That was something that... | ||
| We forget about that. | ||
| We don't have to deal with that shit here. | ||
| $350 I got for that gig as a feature act for four shows. | ||
| That's a good gig. | ||
| In those days, yes it was. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good gig. | ||
| Yes it was. | ||
| I remember the... | ||
| I just got an email from John Shuler. | ||
| I got an email back. | ||
| I just remembered. | ||
| But I used to do a lot of Shuler gigs. | ||
| You know, and they varied, you know, like if you got a good one, it was a couple hundred bucks, maybe more, you know, depending on what kind of bar he set up. | ||
| Those were great gigs, you know. | ||
| And some of them were really fun. | ||
| They had a lot of them. | ||
| Shuler had a lot of them in Connecticut that were great fucking gigs. | ||
| Brown, what is it called? | ||
| Brown Thompson? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| A place in Hartford he used to have that was like a really good comedy club. | ||
| It was the only place in Hartford, because at the time, I think there's an improv in Hartford, Connecticut now, right? | ||
| Yes, a funny bump. | ||
| A funny bump, okay. | ||
| Yeah, there wasn't any back in the day. | ||
| I want to say it was called Brown Thompson's. | ||
| It was like a bar. | ||
| And they used to book the comedy there. | ||
| And it was like a fucking comedy club. | ||
| It was like a real club. | ||
| It was a great gig. | ||
| Like, people would get excited about that gig. | ||
| It was a good one. | ||
| Shuler had them all over the place. | ||
| Two places where I thought I could possibly get killed doing comedy. | ||
| Craig, Colorado is heavy fucking duty Colorado. | ||
| That was the first time ever I got an addendum. | ||
| What do you call that shit? | ||
| When you get the paperwork on the gig... | ||
| And it said, room is known to be active. | ||
| If anything happens, run to your room and contact the bar manager. | ||
| Like, that's what it said on the Tribble Run. | ||
| And the other crazy gig I did was a place called... | ||
| These civilizations, these cities, had been taken over by the cities, and they didn't give a fuck. | ||
| It was called Rock Springs, Wyoming. | ||
| Rock Springs, Wyoming, they had done a thing on 60 Minutes about Rock Springs, how the mob had taken over Rock Springs, Wyoming. | ||
| And that's where they took wounded hookers from Las Vegas and revamped them and fished their pussies and made them hook small time and they had a strip club. | ||
| It was like AAA. I'm not kidding you, Doug. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| Rock Springs, Wyoming, 60 Minutes. | ||
| The feds had to go in and take it back from the local fucking government. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| This is craziness. | ||
| This shit, they had gambling stuff and Mike, what's his name? | ||
| Like two of the guys from 60 Minutes went up there and did a report about it. | ||
| There's some crazy fucking places out there that you'll never know about unless you drive through. | ||
| I just got an email from a fucking great guy that said he has a room in Billings, Miami, Montana. | ||
| A 400 seat little theater and he sent me an email. | ||
| I'm thinking about going up there. | ||
| Obviously, like in fucking... | ||
| May, because that's the only month that's fucking warm up there. | ||
| There's a website called Rock Spring Hookers. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| They don't fuck, but that's not Rock Spring. | ||
| Wyominghookers.net. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Dog, they don't fuck around there. | ||
| It's to a different level. | ||
| That's where wounded hookers go. | ||
| They get rehabbed to fix the monkey. | ||
| They get rid of the chlamydia and the HIV. Ray Mercer takes care of them and punches them. | ||
| Don't pull it up. | ||
| Don't pull it up, Brian. | ||
| Don't put it up. | ||
| It's pretty disturbing. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| The website. | ||
| Is it bad? | ||
| I shouldn't have mentioned the name of it anyway. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| It's not my fault. | ||
| No, no, don't. | ||
| Is it disgusting? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes and no, and I don't want you to pull it up. | ||
| How many bruises they got? | ||
| I don't think we should... | ||
| I mean, it's an illegal business. | ||
| They're going to get in trouble. | ||
| I don't want them to get in trouble. | ||
| I think they're providing... | ||
| No, they don't give a fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're on the internet. | |
| But look at the interview. | ||
| Yeah, but how do you find them? | ||
| But look at the interview for 60 Minutes. | ||
| Don't look that up. | ||
| Please, just look 60 Minutes up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 60 Minutes. | ||
| 60 Minutes, Rock Springs, Wyoming. | ||
| 1992-93. | ||
| I don't know if it's the same Dom Fig, but we're talking about Dom Fig, the vampire comic. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| There's a guy named Dom Fig that took this fucking picture of a wave hitting the buildings in Connecticut. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This was when Sandy hit. | ||
| Brian, see that shit? | ||
| Pull that picture up. | ||
| It's a photographer awestruck after catching a wave. | ||
| This is an incredible picture. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Because, like, the idea that he was there while this actually happened, like, you shouldn't be anywhere fucking near there. | ||
| And this crazy asshole's not just there, he's taking pictures. | ||
| Photographer awestruck after catching a wave is the title. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is nuts, man. | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
| Okay, go to cpost.com. | ||
| Or just look up Dom Fig comic and then click on the third link and you'll see... | ||
| Dominic Fig comic. | ||
| Dominic Fig comic and then look under the third picture. | ||
| Dominic Fig comic and look under the third link rather. | ||
| It'll say Connecticut Post. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| Look at this fucking picture, man. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| I mean, it's insane. | ||
| It's like, what were they thinking building houses there, first of all? | ||
| That's, like, beautiful for most of the time, but fuck, man. | ||
| If there's a possibility... | ||
| But it didn't matter if you were right in front of the water with this motherfucker, right? | ||
| Like, they went, like, several blocks in, just destroying everything in its path. | ||
| It's like, we're so crazy to think that the ocean is going to stay where it is. | ||
| What a nutty idea to build expensive shit right next to the edge. | ||
| Like, the edge is right here. | ||
| This is my spot. | ||
| Fucking marked it off. | ||
| This is my house. | ||
| I'm up on stilts. | ||
| They put the house right at the water. | ||
| And the gamble is, how long is the water going to be there? | ||
| Is it going to stay there for 100 years? | ||
| Is it going to stay there for 50 years? | ||
| What's the gamble? | ||
| And everybody's willing to take that gamble because if you can open up your window and you're there on the ocean like it's a boat, that's fucking amazing. | ||
| So they take that gamble, park that bitch right next to the rocks, and hope that nothing melts. | ||
| Yeah, but you'd have a bigger gamble of having a house on the mountain, like with the fires that you had. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Well, fires are everywhere in California. | ||
| I talked to a firefighter that said there's a real worry, and not of if, but when, that one day one of these motherfucker wildfires that they get is going to catch L.A. And the wind's going to be just right. | ||
| And he said, it's going to burn right to the beach. | ||
| I go, you think it'll burn down Hollywood? | ||
| He goes, I don't think we can stop it. | ||
| He goes, if you're dealing with the kind of fire that can go that far and is that strong and it's wind-aided and it's just big enough. | ||
| Because fires can be really, really, really fucking big. | ||
| You know, it's hard to wrap your head around how big they can be, but they can be so big that you can't fucking control them. | ||
| All you do is try to contain them, but you can't control them. | ||
| And if they get that big and they can't cut it off in time and it starts going towards L.A., if it's the right time of year, the right amount of Santa Ana winds kicking in, shit, man. | ||
| Look what happened last year in New Jersey. | ||
| I didn't think it happened. | ||
| Look what's happening right now. | ||
| Montana. | ||
| In Phoenix. | ||
| Or in Arizona, rather. | ||
| With the dust storm. | ||
| Somebody told me they were driving back from Vegas on Sunday. | ||
| And it was fucking scary as shit. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Took them eight and a half hours to get home. | ||
| Wind, man. | ||
| The wind and shit. | ||
| Listen, that's gonna... | ||
| Everything's getting more extreme. | ||
| Everything's getting more fucking extreme, brother. | ||
| The heat's getting more extreme. | ||
| The cold is getting more extreme. | ||
| I'm not fucking Al Gore. | ||
| I'm not going to sit here and tell you all that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not? | |
| No. | ||
| I thought you didn't know. | ||
| Podcast's over. | ||
| I thought you didn't know. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck's going on, but we evolve. | ||
| So that means the weather has to fucking evolve. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, 20 years ago, I remember being in Jersey, hanging out, playing wiffle ball, and within three minutes, it would get dark, dog. | ||
| And all of a sudden, these chunks of fucking hail would come out. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But look at now. | ||
| Now, I went to the shore 80 times. | ||
| 80 fucking thousand times I went to that Jersey shore. | ||
| Ask me. | ||
| That I think that it would dissipate like the way Sandy came up. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| In three years, guess what? | ||
| There's going to be another one, Jack. | ||
| You know those people we see every year? | ||
| I had a tornado. | ||
| I ain't leaving. | ||
| People make a thousand jokes about. | ||
| That's going to be South Jersey in fucking three years. | ||
| It's going to be every seven or eight years. | ||
| Then it's going to go down to fucking every four years. | ||
| And then 50 years from now, it'll be every fucking eight. | ||
| You know, that's just the way it is. | ||
| We evolved, man. | ||
| Everything moves. | ||
| Don't they find those dinosaur bones in Montana? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Didn't they belong to fish or sea bass or whatever the fuck it was? | ||
| Well, there was a great western inland sea there. | ||
| There used to be a fucking interior ocean. | ||
| The thing that's always stunned me about Boulder is the devil's thumb. | ||
| When you're on baseline, And you're driving close to the university in South Boulder, and you look to your right, and there's a thing that pops out of the fucking mountain. | ||
| Just this figure. | ||
| Go ahead, look it up. | ||
| Boulder, Colorado, the devil's thumb. | ||
| And it pops up. | ||
| It makes you fucking think. | ||
| It makes you fucking... | ||
| You know, it's the weirdest thing. | ||
| I hiked up there one time because my dog... | ||
| Yeah, Hercules went up there and was missing for a night. | ||
| I went up there and fucking tried to look him down. | ||
| They got snakes up there, the whole thing. | ||
| But it makes you think, man, what the fuck was here three million years ago? | ||
| Not me, so I don't know. | ||
| I don't have the answer. | ||
| Did you hear about that kid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Look at the devil stump. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| Right there in baseline when you're driving. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| That's a beautiful thing. | ||
| Did you hear about the kid in Minnesota that got bitten by a wolf? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wolf bit him in his fucking head while he was sleeping and wouldn't let go. | ||
| Wolf was trying to eat him. | ||
| He was sleeping outside the tent. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| There's other people in the tent. | ||
| I don't know what the whole story was. | ||
| But the wolf clamped a hold of his fucking head and wouldn't let go. | ||
| Can you imagine what a terrifying feeling it is when a wolf, a 75-pound wolf, has clamped a hold of your head while you're sleeping? | ||
| And this is the first known attack in that state's history that they have documented, I think. | ||
| Dude, I was in Hawaii, and they bit two fucking people while I was there. | ||
| One of them died. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One kid got bit in his leg. | ||
| He was surfing. | ||
| He got bit. | ||
| Another woman got her arm bit off, and she died. | ||
| The kid lived. | ||
| The boy lived. | ||
| Because his friends tied his leg off with a tourniquet and brought him into the hospital really quickly. | ||
| Yeah, they used a leash, I think. | ||
| Like a leash for a surfboard. | ||
| And they tied off his leg and tourniquet, pulled him out of the water. | ||
| But they saw him. | ||
| They saw him get attacked by the shark. | ||
| Bit him in the leg. | ||
| It's tiger sharks, apparently. | ||
| And they're trying to figure out now, like the people in Hawaii, they're going to do some studies now. | ||
| They're going to try to figure out why these tiger sharks are being more aggressive. | ||
| But there's going to be a lot of issues with wildlife in the ocean as well because these predators don't have as much to eat because we fish so much. | ||
| We take so much tuna and so many different fish that they survive off of. | ||
| I would imagine that a lot of fish are going to be in real trouble. | ||
| Fish that also rely on the fish that we eat. | ||
| Because we fucking kill everything, man. | ||
| And all the fish has that fucking shit in it right now from Tokyo. | ||
| Have you been seeing all that? | ||
| Yeah, there's a 3% increase, I think they said, in the amount of radiation that they've found in fish. | ||
| Which is not worrisome as far as health. | ||
| Apparently you can get away with it a little bit. | ||
| But the worry is that this could get worse. | ||
| Yeah, you see that radiation chart where it just shows like in like 15 years we're all pretty much fucked. | ||
| Fukushima is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a scary, scary situation. | ||
| I mean, it's much more scary than it's been, you know, like, oh my god, did you see what Miley Cyrus did on TV? She stuck her tongue out and showed her butt. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's a fucking hole in the earth that's filled with radioactive shit, and it's leaking into the ocean. | ||
| I mean, it's really scary. | ||
| They can't stop it, they can't contain it, and they don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| And instead, we're looking at Syria, and we're looking at all these other... | ||
| Maybe there's threats. | ||
| Maybe Syria's someplace we really do need to be. | ||
| Maybe they are using chemical weapons. | ||
| But for sure, that shit is going down in Fukushima. | ||
| For fucking sure. | ||
| There's a real problem there. | ||
| And TEPCO doesn't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| And no one in the world has a solution for it. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the hell they're going to do. | ||
| I mean, it's just constantly leaking radioactive waste. | ||
| And what are the people in Tokyo? | ||
| What's that going to be like in a decade? | ||
| It's right down the hill from that fucking place. | ||
| What is going to happen? | ||
| Are they going to have any non-radioactive fish? | ||
| And don't they rely on fish? | ||
| There's a huge amount of their income and their diet that relies on fish. | ||
| That's going to be a terrible place. | ||
| It could be a real issue. | ||
| They're finding radioactive bunnies, like bunnies that have deformities and shit that live there. | ||
| They're born with no ears. | ||
| There's like all sorts of weird shit going down near there. | ||
| Yeah, what if the fish start turning into like these tiger sharks are eating these fish and stuff and it's in the water and it starts becoming what, like a zombie shark? | ||
| I mean, like, that's, like, real, you know? | ||
| Listen to that statement, and imagine that used in court against you. | ||
| I mean, like, these fish are gonna... | ||
| Imagine, like, you trying to argue that you're smart, and then, like, okay, now, that's real. | ||
| It's like fish sharknado. | ||
| Zombie fish, Sharknado. | ||
| If the fish become some mutant kind of animals... | ||
| That could happen. | ||
| I don't think that's really how things mutate. | ||
| Life isn't a fucking comic book, son. | ||
| But yeah, in a comic book, that would become Godzilla. | ||
| It would become the creature from the Black Lagoon or some shit. | ||
| You thought it was made? | ||
| No, Godzilla was a creation because of the atomic bombs, supposedly. | ||
| The US drops atomic bombs on Japan and then Godzilla is born because of the radiation. | ||
| Like all those animals, those giant animals, Mothra, all that shit, Rodan. | ||
| I believe maybe Rodan was from space. | ||
| So it's coming true. | ||
| Well, that was the idea. | ||
| No, it's not coming true. | ||
| Just some fucking sharks bit some people. | ||
| Those are good movies that you saw the string, and it fucked your world up. | ||
| You're like, fuck! | ||
| The Mothra string? | ||
| Yeah, the Mothra string and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Wow! | ||
| Remember when ABC? It looks so bad today. | ||
| Fucking ABC would do Monster Week at 4.30, the after-school movie. | ||
| 4.30, after Dark Shadows, you threw some fucking heat, Jack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull up some videos of Godzilla. | ||
| Oh, Godzilla vs. | ||
| the Smog Monster. | ||
| That's who the baddest one was. | ||
| Godzilla vs. | ||
| the Smog Monster. | ||
| You remember when it was King Kong vs. | ||
| Godzilla and they had to make King Kong the same size? | ||
| That was always very disappointing to me when I was a boy that I found out how much smaller King Kong was than Godzilla. | ||
| It wasn't even close. | ||
| Godzilla's like 500 feet high. | ||
| King Kong's 50 feet high. | ||
| 50 feet high ain't shit when you're dealing with Godzilla, but in Godzilla vs. | ||
| King Kong, all of a sudden, King Kong's huge. | ||
| That's a good little fucking jam, too. | ||
| Blue Oyster Coat. | ||
| Godzilla! | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| There goes Tokyo. | ||
| Go, go, Godzilla! | ||
| Yeah, that was Blue Oyster Coat, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, look. | ||
| The smoke wakes him up. | ||
| Those movies were... | ||
| People today can't understand how awesome those movies are. | ||
| Play that movie. | ||
| People don't understand how amazing these movies were. | ||
| It's LA versus Tokyo. | ||
| Look how bad this is. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Oh, that's when he became the smog monster, remember? | ||
| And he flies around just blowing poison smog on people. | ||
| Chemtrails, bro. | ||
| Yeah, he was the original Chemtrails. | ||
| The Smog Monster. | ||
| Look, everybody, look how bad the fucking special effects are. | ||
| Oh my god, it's amazing. | ||
| Oh, so good. | ||
| What people don't understand is when you were a kid, or when I was a kid, rather, and we would watch this, we would have to be, you had to suspend disbelief. | ||
| You were just amazed that they could show you any visual representation of a gigantic lizard. | ||
| Like, anything that remotely looked like it, you were willing to accept. | ||
| Like, look at that! | ||
| Look how bad that is! | ||
| But we were willing to accept it. | ||
| Because we knew that up until then... | ||
| That was the best. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Like, if you go to the original King Kong, and the original King Kong, the difference between the way the Japanese did it and the way Ray Harryhausen did it, I think it was Ray Harryhausen, I might have made that up, but the animator, they used to do it frame by frame. | ||
| They would just move the clay a little, take a picture, move the clay a little, take a picture, move the clay a little, take a picture. | ||
| It took fucking forever. | ||
| But they would have these elaborate fight scenes with these clay animals that they created. | ||
| So King Kong fighting against dinosaurs, that shit took forever. | ||
| And look what it looked like. | ||
| Look how fucking fake it looks. | ||
| Look, it moves around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That looked like I hurt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like people got fucked up. | ||
| Somebody really died. | ||
| But look, it barely even looks like it's there. | ||
| Like, play that. | ||
| It barely even looks like it's there. | ||
| Like, there's a guy in front of it, and he's looking at it. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I can barely see him. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And look at the fucking special effects. | ||
| What was King Kong? | ||
| It was like 1936 or some shit? | ||
| 33? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So back then, this was the greatest fucking thing the world had ever known. | ||
| You can't believe they even pulled this off. | ||
| I mean, the special effects for back then were unbelievably incredible. | ||
| People were so excited to see this. | ||
| When you look at King Kong itself, Like show King Kong itself. | ||
| Like when you see him. | ||
| Where's King Kong? | ||
| The guy's getting up. | ||
| They're trying to figure out what happened. | ||
| Look how fake this looks. | ||
| It's a lizard. | ||
| But this is a real lizard though. | ||
| I think they just stuck a real lizard in there. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's animated too. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Sometimes they would do that, though. | ||
| They would have a movie, and they would have a real lizard, and you could tell the lizard was nowhere near them in real life. | ||
| But they'd be like, oh, look! | ||
| And they would just insert this giant fucking lizard in the back. | ||
| How weird must it have been to act in these movies? | ||
| Okay, there's a spider. | ||
| It's 16 feet tall. | ||
| It's coming at you now. | ||
| Run! | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's scrambling, and then they have to add in this killer spider. | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| Look how bad it looks when they pick up someone and they're getting bit. | ||
| This is so stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch out. | |
| But that was as good as the world had ever seen back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was impossible to get any better. | ||
| Like, that was incredible. | ||
| People must have been so excited. | ||
| And there was no... | ||
| I mean, what fucking TV shows were on in 1936? | ||
| Howdy Doody. | ||
| Or 33. | ||
| Did they even have TV in 33? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When did they invent TV? | ||
| When's the invention of TV? | ||
| Invention of TV. | ||
| Yeah, for a while, it was just... | ||
| Just movies, right? | ||
| TV probably came a long time. | ||
| I thought it was fucking radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought the Green Hornet was a radio show And all that shit Bitch Mm-mm-mm Huh. | |
| Okay, so apparently there's not a single thing. | ||
| There's not a single thing that you can point to. | ||
| Because there's a lot of shit that got invented that related to the invention of the television. | ||
| Can you imagine sitting around with a bunch of people and your family and listening to the Green Hornet? | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| 8 to 9 every Friday night, and then Wednesday was something else, and Thursday was comedy night. | ||
| They'd have, like, not Jackie Gleason, but the other guy, like... | ||
| It happened in 1862 was the first still image that was transferred. | ||
| And this guy had something called a pan telegraph. | ||
| So he transferred a picture by telegraph This thing, or this electronic thing, transferred. | ||
| They became the first person to transmit a still image over wires. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| They figured that out in 1862. You know how crazy that is? | ||
| Slavery became illegal in 1865. So while they were still slaves, someone had figured out how to send a photo over wire. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Remember when the telegram was huge? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| When you were a kid, the telegram was huge. | ||
| They had a huge commercial. | ||
| Yeah, Western Union. | ||
| Western Union was huge. | ||
| You had to go to Western Union and then pay cash. | ||
| Then they got the credit card, and that was the beginning of the ending. | ||
| Shit, that was the beginning of the ending. | ||
| This is incredible stuff, man. | ||
| In 1873, scientists May and Smith experiment with selenium and light, and this reveals the possibility for inventors to transform images into electronic signals. | ||
| How the fuck did they figure that out? | ||
| I mean, think about how nutty that is. | ||
| These dudes are riding horses. | ||
| And some motherfucker figured out how to... | ||
| Turn images into electronic signals so that you can send them over... | ||
| Look how fucking stupid I am hundreds of years later. | ||
| What was the first picture of porn? | ||
| Probably his dick. | ||
| Probably a guy who sent some chick a picture of his dick. | ||
| His poop. | ||
| Look at my poop, fine lady. | ||
| It was some crafty cat. | ||
| It's like, this bitch has got to see my dick. | ||
| If she sees my dick, it's on! | ||
| Right now she wants to stay in Philadelphia, so fuck! | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| I'm in New Mexico. | ||
| Sending pictures of your slaves. | ||
| This is amazing stuff, man. | ||
| So in 1900, they called it television. | ||
| At the World's Fair in Paris, the first International Congress of Electricity was held, and that is where Russian Konstantin Persky made the first known use of the word television. | ||
| So it was invented by a Russian gentleman. | ||
| Or the word was, at least. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| You know, when you go back and think about dudes that were inventing like really mind-blowing shit, like back in the 1800s or the 50s, you know, even earlier than that, like the dude who figured out the printing press. | ||
| Yeah, but you know how much shit you didn't have, like, fucking interfering with you? | ||
| Like, you didn't have internet, you didn't have TV, you didn't have... | ||
| You had to invent shit. | ||
| You had to go to the woods. | ||
| What about the guy who invented meth? | ||
| How, he didn't get no credit? | ||
| The guy who invented meth? | ||
| How about that fucking poor bastard? | ||
| Oh, I give him credit every day. | ||
| That guy was awesome. | ||
| That fucking poor soul in a trailer had no money for drugs and just started putting shit together. | ||
| When I saw that on Discovery, I was blown the fuck away, people. | ||
| Who was it that invented meth? | ||
| Was it one dude? | ||
| I don't know, but putting a battery, the core of a battery, cold medicine, just, just, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Like, what did you come up with? | ||
| Who gave you this recipe? | ||
| Wasn't meth used in, like, World War II? The story was that the Hitler troops used it, and they used it on the Japanese kamikaze pilots to get them to be willing to slam. | ||
| But it was speed. | ||
| I don't know if it's the shit that they have now in a tub that the Sons of Anarchy sells. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't fucking know. | |
| I'm just telling you, what the fuck, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, it's not a new drug. | ||
| It was first made in 1887. Again, 1887. Yeah. | ||
| Some dude wanted to send a picture of his dick to some chick, so before he could invent the camera and get the electronic wave, he had to stay up for a week to fucking do it. | ||
| I'm sorry, that was just amphetamines. | ||
| So amphetamines for 1887. Methamphetamine, which was more potent and easy to make, was developed in Japan in 1919. The crystalline powder was soluble in water, making it a perfect candidate for injection. | ||
| Methamphetamine went into wide use during World War II. When both sides used it to keep troops awake. | ||
| Holy fucking shit. | ||
| High doses were given to Japanese kamikaze pilots before their suicide missions. | ||
| And after the war, methamphetamine abuse by injection reached epidemic proportions when supplies stored for military use became available to the Japanese public. | ||
| Man. | ||
| In 1950s, methamphetamine was prescribed as a diet aid and to fight depression. | ||
| Easily available. | ||
| It was used as a non-medical stimulant by college students, truck drivers, and athletes, and the abuse of the drug spread. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| They used to prescribe methamphetamines for depression? | ||
| Well, it probably worked. | ||
| It's a backdoor, yeah. | ||
| Well, that was in the Liberace movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember the California diet? | ||
| He gave him some form of amphetamines. | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| When I was growing up, there was this crazy kid on the block, and he had whatever they diagnosed a den as ADD, but they used to give him speed to calm him down. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He used to jump off his own roof. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Yeah, well, they say that's with Ritalin. | ||
| This was way before Ritalin. | ||
| His sister used to sell him his Black Beauties. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had this kid on some heavy-duty shit. | ||
| I used to go to East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania and buy 1,000 Black Beauties for $35. | ||
| What is exactly a black beauty? | ||
| It was these little fucking black things they made in the 70s, and they were the original diet pill. | ||
| And it was an amphetamine? | ||
| An amphetamine. | ||
| Do you know what kind it was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| They were $35 for a thousand. | ||
| I sold them for a hundred. | ||
| A thousand? | ||
| $35 for a thousand? | ||
| And I would sell them for $35 to $100 to the wrestlers. | ||
| You know what's really interesting? | ||
| You talking about that and you talking about selling, bootlegging these illegal drugs. | ||
| It's like, it depends on how much money you make and what you do with that money, whether or not you become legitimate. | ||
| I was a junior in high school. | ||
| But what I'm saying is like, I know, but look at the Kennedys. | ||
| The Kennedys did the exact same thing. | ||
| The Kennedys became legitimate. | ||
| They became a very wealthy and established family for moonshine. | ||
| They were selling drugs. | ||
| They were selling liquid drugs that were illegal, but they did the right thing with all the money. | ||
| They got a hold of it, invested it in politics, started getting, I mean, they had a lot of fucking money. | ||
| And then, you know, they got out of it once it became legal or something. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how the fuck they transitioned out of bootlegging it, but that's like the known history of Joe Kennedy, right? | ||
| The father. | ||
| The father was like, he was a moonshine runner, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| I mean, how much different is that, really, than you selling these black beauties? | ||
| It's really no different, like, morally or ethically. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| So, like, if you had stuck with the black beauty business and then got into politics later, I mean, that would have been acceptable. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Those were... | ||
| That was right after my mom died, and I was like crazy. | ||
| And I would go on Saturdays with this kid, Nick Biamonte. | ||
| He was a football player up there, and he would pick me up. | ||
| We'd drive like an hour and a half, and we'd go into this room with these college kids that looked like they were 40. And that's all they did all week was make different things. | ||
| And they would make acid, blotter acid, paper. | ||
| They would make four-way acid, they would make little mescaline, and they would make black beauties. | ||
| And that's what they did all week. | ||
| And their parents thought they were going to school. | ||
| These, you know, before the computer nerd, this is what nerds did. | ||
| Right. | ||
| These kids were probably millionaires. | ||
| I remember them having Z-28s were big. | ||
| Remember Z-28s in 1980? | ||
| Irox. | ||
| They both had Irox with the cut moon dish that came out. | ||
| Oh, yeah, the T-Root. | ||
| Yeah, no, these guys were making money, guys. | ||
| Meanwhile, I remember them going, our dad sends his money. | ||
| We don't go to class. | ||
| We pay rent. | ||
| They had a gambling thing during the week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These kids were banging it. | ||
| They were crazy little fucking... | ||
| I don't even know what they were. | ||
| Irish kids. | ||
| I remember the T-Tops thing. | ||
| Yeah, the T-Top and Ted Nugent and we'd go and they'd show us. | ||
| These guys had a garage with jars of Black Beauty's jars. | ||
| That was their mainstay and then everything else they made as they went along. | ||
| Like, this week we'll make blotter acid. | ||
| This week we'll make four-way acid. | ||
| This week we'll make windowpane acid. | ||
| Just a complete different world. | ||
| Do you remember when everybody had that Trans Am just like Burt Reynolds with the eagle on the hood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| There was a giant eagle sticker. | ||
| It was important to have that sticker. | ||
| Pull that bitch up. | ||
| Pull that Burt Reynolds Trans Am. | ||
| That eagle sticker is important, man. | ||
| I knew a dude who had one rebuilt. | ||
| It was for a TV show. | ||
| And they had to get that sticker, man. | ||
| That was a big part of it, was putting that sticker on. | ||
| They had to get it recreated. | ||
| Because they restored the entire car. | ||
| I remember how big of a feud it was. | ||
| That's not the one, though. | ||
| It goes back more. | ||
| The cooler one has exposed headlights. | ||
| I remember the big feud when two people got on IROC in the same neighborhood. | ||
| That became a feud. | ||
| You had to throw down. | ||
| So one guy would park across the street, and you would park across the street facing the other direction, and whoever had the loudest stereo and the hottest chick horn. | ||
| You'd be listening to Aldo fucking Nova. | ||
| Life is just a fantasy. | ||
| Have you seen that video lately? | ||
| When you've got a minute at home tonight, put the video on from the beginning. | ||
| No, that's not the one either because it's got to be the one with the exposed headlights. | ||
| These are all like new versions. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| That's the real one. | ||
| That's the Burt Reynolds jammy right there. | ||
| Look how badass that car was. | ||
| Look how badass that car was. | ||
| I think people who are not male cannot understand that. | ||
| You show that to a woman, especially a mature woman. | ||
| But someone who's been to college, they're going to look at that and go, what the fuck are you? | ||
| What? | ||
| Go back to that picture. | ||
| It would be cool to have that black on silver, where you could only see it silver-wise. | ||
| I was looking for a better one. | ||
| Well, there's, there's, um, people have done like little custom ones. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I'd seen some, some custom, really cool spray painted ones, you know, like, um, what's it called? | ||
| Air gun. | ||
| Well, those are like air gun artists. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| They used to do those, uh, oh, that's a pretty dope one. | ||
| Remember they used to do, like, vans? | ||
| And on the side of vans would be, like, some fucking, like, a Conan scene. | ||
| Like a dude. | ||
| Yeah, it was airbrushed, right? | ||
| There was a dude with a sword and, you know, like, fucking women, like, Frank Frazetta style. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Like, that was a big thing. | ||
| Those vans. | ||
| To have a bar in there, you were perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Velour and shit. | ||
| Why go to a hotel? | ||
| With the little windows in the back and they had, like, a moonroof. | ||
| Dog, we could smoke in here. | ||
| Pop the moonroof. | ||
| That was like big time. | ||
| Yeah, the moonroof was huge. | ||
| The moonroof was fucking huge. | ||
| And what kind of artwork you had on the side of your van was fucking huge. | ||
| And it was all ugly. | ||
| You look at the clay and you go, what the fuck was I thinking? | ||
| A fucking Japanese guy with a hammer with a fish in his hand. | ||
| Look at that sexy bitch. | ||
| I'm going to pull this up. | ||
| Van with airbrush artwork. | ||
| There's a couple guys in Burbank that have that. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| They airbrush vans, and they'll change them all the time. | ||
| The latest one was Wonder Woman. | ||
| She looked like a Mexican Wonder Woman. | ||
| Dude, go to that. | ||
| Go to van with airbrush artwork. | ||
| It's still going strong. | ||
| There's still some fucking cool pictures out there. | ||
| You just got to find these guys. | ||
| Oh, they still do it. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I hadn't seen one in a long time. | ||
| I've seen cool shit on tour buses and stuff. | ||
| This is the kind of shit that is by me at my house. | ||
| This is what it looks like. | ||
| That's awesome! | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| How awesome is that? | ||
| Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, C-3PO, aliens. | ||
| That's pretty badass. | ||
| But there's a lot of them, yeah. | ||
| Someone's got to have a Frank Frazetta out there. | ||
| I bet if I look up Frazetta, Airbrook Frazetta. | ||
| That guy had, in my opinion, like the, yeah, well, yeah, somebody's got something here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| Does that look like a Frazetta? | ||
| That guy had the best, like, fantasy art when you were a kid. | ||
| Did you like Frank Frazetta? | ||
| Do you remember those paintings? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know who he is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did you ever get into books or comic books or any shit like that when you were young? | ||
| A couple months. | ||
| I was big into... | ||
| I was into Marvel, like, the four... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Marvel Comics? | ||
| Fantastic Four. | ||
| Fantastic Four? | ||
| I liked the Silver Surfer. | ||
| And the only reason... | ||
| It was a long fucking story. | ||
| I was into like nine, ten months. | ||
| We'd go to the festivals in the city and we'd try to buy Batman 3 or some shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was just a couple months that I went off to deep end. | ||
| There was no, no, no more fucking comic books. | ||
| Now it's all Spongebob 24-7. | ||
| No fucking comic books. | ||
| He turned around and came right back to it. | ||
| For me, I was really into those fantasy artists, like Frazetta. | ||
| I'm trying to think of some of the other names. | ||
| There's a bunch of other names of guys who are really famous for that. | ||
| But Frazetta was my favorite because I was such a big fan of the Conan series, and he did a lot of the artwork. | ||
| Pull some of those pictures up, man. | ||
| They're incredible. | ||
| He just, it's just like that, to me, like symbolized that kind of, that genre of book. | ||
| Did you ever have a van, Joey? | ||
| A van? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| I drove a van for a construction, no, a hardware company for about six weeks. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| And then, yeah, I got fired. | ||
| They're still there. | ||
| They're still fucking there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The hardware store on Fairview Avenue. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| When you go back and look at some shit from your childhood, it's strange when you see stuff that's still there. | ||
| The guy's still fucking there. | ||
| I got arrested January 29, 1983. Really? | ||
| I got caught for possession of stolen tools, you know, like stolen property, like to do crime type shit. | ||
| I went out on bail. | ||
| I paid a fine. | ||
| I was on probation for six months or something like that. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| It was dumb as fuck. | ||
| But I worked at that lumberyard. | ||
| And I had a good little job over there. | ||
| I was a delivery driver. | ||
| I could make my own little stops. | ||
| At that time, I was doing a false, like a settlement-type deal, so I had to go to the chiropractor. | ||
| That gave me time to go to the chiropractor and all that shit every day. | ||
| It was like $2.50 a week, and I worked six days a week. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I had to drive through the Meadowlands and different construction sites and drop off tools and linoleum and screws and nails. | ||
| There's the shit you do. | ||
| I drove a van when I was about... | ||
| I guess I was about 18. I had a van for a while for delivering newspapers. | ||
| I bought like a second car. | ||
| Because newspapers would fuck up my suspension. | ||
| Like everybody who delivered newspapers, your suspension got fucked up by the Sunday paper. | ||
| Because it's so much weight. | ||
| Because you'd fill up your fucking trunk. | ||
| With newspapers, and then you'd put them in the back seat, you'd stuff them in the front seat, all the way up to the ceiling. | ||
| So you were driving around, like, almost completely blind on the right-hand side. | ||
| It was very tricky, like, looking around at where you were going. | ||
| And so after a while, I made a little bit of cash with this fucking venture. | ||
| And like me, I'm always thinking of expanding. | ||
| I got a van. | ||
| I bought this big-ass cargo van with no windows. | ||
| I used wagons. | ||
| And then I expanded my route. | ||
| I was using red wagons. | ||
| Well, I had to figure out a way to make enough money that I didn't have to do anything else while I was competing. | ||
| And so the only way I could really think of before I made money on teaching was delivering newspapers. | ||
| That was the only thing that made sense to me. | ||
| Because it was several hours a day, like three or four hours a day. | ||
| But when it was done, it was done. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| There was no boss to answer to. | ||
| As long as I delivered the papers to where they were supposed to go, there was no problems. | ||
| And I was good at it. | ||
| I did it every day. | ||
| And it taught me discipline. | ||
| Like, having something that you have to do 365 days a year makes you fucking do it. | ||
| Just do it, you know? | ||
| Don't even think about it. | ||
| Fucking do it. | ||
| It's part of your life. | ||
| You just get up and do it. | ||
| I applied for a paper route one time. | ||
| Like, going to the 8th grade, I wanted to be a goody-good whatever boy. | ||
| A goody-good. | ||
| And I applied for a paper route, like, in July. | ||
| This motherfucker calls me, like, Thanksgiving week. | ||
| And I don't even think about it. | ||
| I go, okay. | ||
| And he goes, you got to pick up. | ||
| And it was 43rd Street Hill. | ||
| This is a hill and a half. | ||
| This is one of those hills in my hometown. | ||
| They compare to that San Francisco hill. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And Joe Rogan. | ||
| Lombard Street? | ||
| I walk over there, and it's fucking, you know, 18 inches of snow, that East Coast snow. | ||
| And I got to walk. | ||
| And for three weeks, I had to break through that fucking thing. | ||
| Go over there at 4 in the afternoon. | ||
| It's freezing. | ||
| The sun comes down there. | ||
| You're fucking freezing. | ||
| I'm delivering paper, knocking on people's doors with that loop with the people's fucking cards in it. | ||
| Nobody had one of those things. | ||
| You had a circle loop, and you had people's addresses. | ||
| When they paid your last, they were good tippers. | ||
| You had all that shit on it, and I remember after three weeks just quitting, going, dog, I ain't doing this shit no more. | ||
| That hell's a motherfucker. | ||
| I go work for my mother and make that one fucking day what I'm making for you. | ||
| 40 bucks. | ||
| I gotta hustle six days a week. | ||
| I go into my mother's for one day. | ||
| I play with a ball. | ||
| I eat fucking Chinese food and I come home with fucking 50, 60. Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm gonna walk up and down the hill. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I learned how to drive in the snow, man. | ||
| That's what I learned. | ||
| I was driving in the snow all winter long because I drove every day. | ||
| I drove every day. | ||
| So if it snowed, I fucking drove. | ||
| So I got so used to getting stuck, I'd get stuck everywhere. | ||
| I'd slide into trees. | ||
| I fucked up a lot of cars. | ||
| My record was terrible. | ||
| By the time I moved to New York, it was really hard for me to get insurance. | ||
| I had a gang of accidents. | ||
| I was a horrible driver. | ||
| Then I made the mistake of moving to Aspen. | ||
| And you think you know what the fuck you're doing until there's black ice on that motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you're going down the road listening to fucking Joe Welsh, you know, Rocky Mountain High. | ||
| And all of a sudden your car just goes like this red band. | ||
| Just goes, shish. | ||
| And off that shish, this back just starts fucking spinning. | ||
| You just go into a tailspin. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| Just go into a fucking tailspin, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And right there you're like, oh, I gotta learn how to drive and pay fucking attention. | ||
| This is a complete... | ||
| I hit so many fucking cars, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I dented so many cars. | ||
| I'm in Seattle. | ||
| I was a car salesman. | ||
| They used to give me a car. | ||
| I would take the car at night and go to gigs, to one-nighters, and I'd lose fucking hubcaps. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was horrible. | ||
| There's a terrible, terrible, terrible video, not this one, of some people going down a road, and they lose control of their car, and they hit a truck head-on. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The people from behind them are filming it. | ||
| The guy in front loses his shit and just at the right time swerves into the oncoming lane. | ||
| I have no idea, man. | ||
| Oh, this guy just crossed and... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Here you go, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| This is scary. | ||
| This guy's in the wrong fucking lane. | ||
| Oh, that's so scary. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And he has to cross over. | ||
| How does he cross over? | ||
| I don't miss any of this shit, man. | ||
| I grew up in Ohio, so I had to deal with this all the time. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| Look, you spun out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Oncoming traffic. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| The only good part is when you got in on accidents, it wasn't as bad because you were sliding when you hit the person. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| When you got in an accident in the snow, it's like bumper cars. | ||
| Kind of, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, people who don't know, they've never experienced that before, boom! | ||
| Like that, in any other situation, would be a devastating impact. | ||
| It's still going to be pretty shit. | ||
| Like, this is bad. | ||
| Oh, this is horrible. | ||
| What is this guy doing? | ||
| He lost his shit. | ||
| You're giving me anxiety. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm watching this and I'm getting anxiety. | ||
| I really honestly think that people who don't grow up driving in this kind of shit, you miss out on a certain amount of adversity in life. | ||
| The fear that you get, the respect for the winter, you know? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want to see this. | |
| Jesus Christ, this is going to be bad. | ||
| Oh, look at this guy spinning out, head oncoming traffic, no one can stop. | ||
| Booz! | ||
| How about the motherfuckers that get in their car in Colorado like they're drunk? | ||
| Oh yeah, insane. | ||
| Go down 82. 82, Route 82, look it up. | ||
| It's one of the most dangerous roads in the fucking country. | ||
| Oh my god, he's going over the cliff. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, he spun around and got lucky. | ||
| This is fucking scary. | ||
| Please shut this off. | ||
| This is not good. | ||
| This is not good for your spirit. | ||
| You're just seeing destruction. | ||
| That's the weird thing about, like, the internet and, like, choosing to go search for shit. | ||
| Like, you can see disturbing shit after disturbing shit after... | ||
| Like, you just be bombarded by nothing but disturbing shit. | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Whereas in real life, it's really hard to run into that much disturbing shit. | ||
| If you drive every winter, you might see one of those crazy pileups in 10 years of driving. | ||
| We just saw 10 in a row. | ||
| You've lived in some places in Boston. | ||
| We're just disturbing waking up in the morning. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And it's one disturbing sight. | ||
| And everybody who comes to you, after a while you start looking at them, we're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Is this like a... | ||
| Are they putting me on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's how real some places are, man. | ||
| There's places, situations, you got yourself in that it's just a walking disturbance. | ||
| You don't need to fucking look at this shit or go online. | ||
| Well, there's like a hopelessness to some places. | ||
| You know, there's some places where when you're there, like especially in the winter, there's like a weird hopelessness. | ||
| There's no joy. | ||
| There's no aspen to it. | ||
| Like aspen in the winter, it's kind of festive. | ||
| People are skiing. | ||
| The town's hopping. | ||
| You can smell the wood burning. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| The wood burning's great. | ||
| When you smell that wood burning, your whole heart stops. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's completely different. | ||
| I remember being eight minutes from the greatest world of The greatest city in the world and feeling hopeless. | ||
| Like the Lincoln Tunnel, going across Lincoln Tunnel is the biggest city in the world in 1980 like as a kid and going, you know, this is hopelessness. | ||
| This is too much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was too fucking much then, you know. | ||
| It was everything you wanted like that at two in the morning. | ||
| Everything you wanted? | ||
| You could buy a machine gun with a bazooka in Harlem at 2 in the morning. | ||
| You go up to Harlem, there's a Puerto Rican that'll sit there for 10 minutes and go, let me think, bro. | ||
| What do you want? | ||
| I want to need a machine gun with a clip. | ||
| I want to shoot a thousand people. | ||
| I need a stick of fucking dynamite. | ||
| And they'll sit there for 10 minutes and go, I'll get you the dynamite tonight. | ||
| And you're sitting there going, oh shit. | ||
| Do you remember when that guy got arrested in Harlem because he had a tiger in his house? | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| That's Harlem. | ||
| If that story had happened in any other place in the world, if that was in Cleveland, I'd be like, how odd. | ||
| But as in Harlem, I was like, okay. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| The dude got bit, and so that's how he got in trouble. | ||
| His tiger bit him, and they found out this motherfucker had a tiger in his house. | ||
| He had like a bunch of exotic pets. | ||
| Let me pull up the story. | ||
| A man had a tiger in his house in Harlem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A man had a tiger in his house. | |
| Harlem, has Harlem been gentrified? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A lot of white people living in Harlem now? | ||
| It's all the way up to 140 now. | ||
| Oh, he didn't just... | ||
| He didn't just have a tiger. | ||
| He had an alligator, too. | ||
| Oh, please! | ||
| Those are pimps in Harlem, though! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Imagine you come over to this guy's house. | ||
| I used to cop coke at all hours of the night. | ||
| I used to, when I was 18, just out of high school, I used to go to 135th in Amsterdam, where you had to walk through the room where the chickens were fighting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is real. | ||
| And you walk through the room where the chickens were fighting. | ||
| And then you walked into a DJ booth, and they'd wait for you. | ||
| And there were times I'd go over and the cops were there, they wouldn't let you go in because somebody got shot. | ||
| And then remember when, who did Mike Tyson fight in Harlem at four in the fucking morning one night, dog? | ||
| Mitch Bloodgreen. | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| At a haberdashery. | ||
| Yeah, at a haberdashery. | ||
| At four in the fucking morning. | ||
| What's a haberdashery? | ||
| Like where you go buy clothes. | ||
| Men's clothing or something. | ||
| Where brothers go to buy fucking clothes. | ||
| Who goes to a haberdashery? | ||
| That's when you pull some Tom... | ||
| That's when you're a gentleman. | ||
| That's when you pull that Tom Cruise shit. | ||
| Remember what was that movie he made? | ||
| We had to call the Arabian guy and get clothing and the chick's daughter was fucking... | ||
| Tremendous movie. | ||
| Tom Cruise? | ||
| Tom Cruise made a movie years ago with Nicole Kidman as his wife, and she had cheated on him with a fucking soldier. | ||
| It was one of those movies by that director that fucking died. | ||
| Eyes Wide Shut? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| That was the thing. | ||
| All I remember about that movie is the crazy dance. | ||
| Stanley Kubrick directed that. | ||
| So it was a demented movie. | ||
| They go to fuck the chick, and the chick dies of an OD in the doctor's office, and he's telling the guy to get it together, but he has to wear a cape and a mask. | ||
| So he calls like this haberdashery at 2 in the morning in New York. | ||
| They open up the fucking door, and they give him a cape, and then the little Arabian girl is fucking the two Japanese employees. | ||
| This is a tremendous fucking movie. | ||
| Then he goes over there. | ||
| He gets in. | ||
| He goes to the back. | ||
| Everybody's naked. | ||
| Everybody's sucking and fucking shit. | ||
| You gotta walk around with a cape and a fucking mask and a magician's hat on. | ||
| And then they threaten him, and he goes back home to Nicole Kidman, and she's telling her that one night while he was away, she fucked a sailor. | ||
| So it's like going in his mind, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| So it's just a fucked up movie. | ||
| He gets the address from the piano player at the jazz bar. | ||
| That's a great movie, by the way. | ||
| It's a dark fucking movie. | ||
| Remember they had it for a few years, then they released it. | ||
| It was kind of weird because it was them two working together. | ||
| I don't fucking know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Well, Eyes Wide Shut was about some weird elite sort of occult. | ||
| Right, Scientology through the back door. | ||
| Yeah, was that what it was like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They wore those masks, hung out with Callan, stuff like that. | |
| There's a 1972, there's some photos that Duncan had on his website. | ||
| They're photos from a 1972 Rothschild surrealist dinner party. | ||
| It's so weird, man. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| So this is the Rothschilds, I guess. | ||
| I'm not totally up on this, but they're supposed to be the people that are elite banker type characters, right? | ||
| So they've got this party, and They're all wearing these crazy outfits, man. | ||
| Like this lady's wearing like a stag head. | ||
| Like she has the head of a deer on in a mask. | ||
| And the man is wearing this weird thing on his fucking head. | ||
| And they have... | ||
| This dinner table set up with a baby doll. | ||
| It's fucking trippy shit. | ||
| Really weird shit. | ||
| Because these really were the Rothschilds, and this is really how they were rolling. | ||
| They really did have parties where women would wear antlers on their heads. | ||
| Where they would have naked women pushed around on what looks like a casket covered in roses. | ||
| It's really strange, or at least an effigy of a naked woman. | ||
| Actually, it looks like... | ||
| I can't tell if that's a real woman or not. | ||
| They kill a bitch. | ||
| They kill a bitch, too. | ||
| They would kill a bitch and drop her in the woods and shit. | ||
| This looks just like a hipster party. | ||
| Well, it's a bit of a party, for sure. | ||
| They're crazy people. | ||
| It's a bit of a party, for sure, but I think the idea... | ||
| They're like some freaky shit. | ||
| If you want to follow the conspiracy theory, the idea is that these type of people... | ||
| These elite societies that what they would do is they would have these rituals and they would do something really fucked up so no one could ever talk about it. | ||
| Like they would kill somebody. | ||
| Like they would take a prostitute and kill her in front of everybody and then bury her somewhere. | ||
| And no one could talk about it because they were all implicated. | ||
| And so that's everyone, you know, it's like your bond to this cult. | ||
| I mean, that's always... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That woman's wearing a fucking stag head. | ||
| It's like a big deer mask. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| When you have, like, billions of dollars and it's 1976, you're like, fuck it. | ||
| You know, there's no internet. | ||
| You can't get in trouble. | ||
| No anonymous is going to fucking take down your website because you're some crazy Rothschild's character. | ||
| These people back then? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| To have so much money that you pay off an attorney the night before the party like a liaison to the police department. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You fucking have a service come in to park cars. | ||
| They're not allowed in there. | ||
| Everybody has masks, so even if you do kill a bitch, nobody knows who killed it. | ||
| There was some dude with a fucking goat's face on it. | ||
| You don't know who the fuck that was. | ||
| There's no IDs. | ||
| There's no nothing. | ||
| You're fucking bareback. | ||
| You're just spreading chlamydia like a motherfucker at those things. | ||
| No, no, no, I'm lying. | ||
| Those chicks get checked out. | ||
| Those dudes go all out. | ||
| They fucking send those bitches to the doctor, blood test, pussy scans, asshole, the whole fucking thing. | ||
| What's the best scan for pussies? | ||
| An MRI? I don't fucking know. | ||
| It's got to be something, you know, some fucking freaky shit up in Rock Springs, Wyoming and shit. | ||
| I'm telling you, that's why they take those hookers and they revitalize them. | ||
| They put some pep in their stuff. | ||
| Well, back in those cowboy days, right, they used to have the brothels where they would let go in this big fucking wooden building, you know, in the upstairs. | ||
| I mean, all the Outlaw Josie Wales movies. | ||
| I mean, what was the movie, the comeback movie for him way back in, you know, like with Morgan Freeman? | ||
| Unforgiven. | ||
| Unforgiven, thank you. | ||
| That movie was about a prostitute at a broth getting cut up by a bad guy and then him going after them. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yes, that's a good movie. | ||
| That's a great fucking movie. | ||
| Unforgiven is, in my opinion, one of all time. | ||
| And it's a black fucking sheep. | ||
| Nobody really watches it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it's so realistic, man. | ||
| It's like he went and did the exact opposite of a hero movie where everything's predictable. | ||
| It was not predictable at all. | ||
| It was very dark and very realistic. | ||
| Very realistic and tuned into that era. | ||
| When he starts drinking and turns evil, you fucking believe every word of it. | ||
| When he comes in all sweaty and fucked up and just kills everybody... | ||
| God damn, dude. | ||
| And how everybody's freaking out. | ||
| They're scared. | ||
| They can't pull their gun out in time. | ||
| And he's just blasting them one after the other. | ||
| That was a fucking hard-hitting movie. | ||
| We'll have to watch it again this week. | ||
| Maybe we'll watch it in Milwaukee. | ||
| We'll have a party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And some bitches stab them. | ||
| The whole fucking thing. | ||
| I can't stab a bitch at this age. | ||
| You can't stab them. | ||
| They fight back. | ||
| I wouldn't want to do it anyway. | ||
| But that creepy shit where they have the parties and the chick don't know she's going to die. | ||
| That's got to be horrible. | ||
| You do it with like four people who have families. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Being sophisticated. | ||
| You're a millionaire. | ||
| You have so much to fucking lose. | ||
| But you know, listen man, when you have money in the billions, I can't imagine. | ||
| Listen, you're 50 years old, you're going to go, fuck it. | ||
| I'm going to go do everything I've ever wanted to do. | ||
| And you write a bucket list, bitch. | ||
| And that list is getting eight chicks, the hottest chicks in the world, getting them checked out for committee. | ||
| I mean, just, you know, Fidel used to do that. | ||
| They said that Fidel would go up to you whether you were married or not. | ||
| He'd send the fucking guy over to you and say, call this number tomorrow at 2 o'clock. | ||
| Right in the restaurant. | ||
| You could be sitting there with your wife. | ||
| A soldier would come up to your wife and give her a card. | ||
| Got to call that number the next day. | ||
| Next day, a fucking car comes to the house, picks your wife up, takes her for a physical examination. | ||
| The next day, she has to have a nice dress delivered with some flowers. | ||
| She's going to Fidel's for some yum-yums. | ||
| So you would have to just dress your wife down, wouldn't you? | ||
| You'd just make her look like shit? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| He was just steal wives? | ||
| I'm not sure about the wives, but I know that he was doing it to women, you know? | ||
| He was doing it to women. | ||
| You're in a restaurant, you're outside. | ||
| He would have people going out and hunting bitches for him. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Listen, guys, who knows? | ||
| But that's a dictator. | ||
| Yeah, who knows what you do if you're put in that position, you know? | ||
| I was watching that thing. | ||
| What's that crazy fuck from San Francisco that made everybody drink the juice down in Guyana? | ||
| Oh, Jim Jones. | ||
| You ever watch that thing for two hours on biography when you wake up and you can't go back to bed? | ||
| You had like a fucking Red Bull at the club? | ||
| And you're watching this. | ||
| Listen, I can see you talking three people. | ||
| But he had thousands of people that had given him their social security checks. | ||
| That guy was raking and fucking, he had them living in huts. | ||
| Imagine, I'm going to give you my money, I'm going to live in the huts with a mosquito, no air conditioning, I've got to do my own laundry. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Thousands of people who were just lost. | ||
| You know, who just wanted a new fucking life? | ||
| That just, that's mind-boggling, man. | ||
| Well, I mean, what about the Branch Davidians? | ||
| I mean, they had that place, and then they would leave the compound and go to jobs and come back to the compound. | ||
| Now, are they making a comeback? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Yeah, something happened. | ||
| The son, he fucked up. | ||
| Okay, let's find out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Branch Davidians could be back. | |
| They're working under a new name or something like that there. | ||
| A new cult. | ||
| Let's say a comeback. | ||
| Branch Davidians comeback. | ||
| I remember though when it was... | ||
| Wow, they were trying to make a comeback. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But this was 2007. Yeah, well they still gotta be trying, you know? | |
| That's a long comeback. | ||
| I remember part of the deal though, the Branch Davidians deal, was that he got to fuck them. | ||
| That was like part of his gig. | ||
| You know, he's Jesus. | ||
| He's spreading the seed. | ||
| He's gotta spread the love. | ||
| And you buy it. | ||
| You gotta sit there and look at your wife and go, go ahead. | ||
| You know, our lives will be better if he gives you a fucking stab. | ||
| I mean, it's disgusting. | ||
| I know somebody who lived through that, man. | ||
| One of those cults. | ||
| And she would tell me the stories and I would sit there and ask, why didn't she sue her parents? | ||
| In today's world, I would take her parents to fucking court and go, what the fuck were you people fucking thinking? | ||
| I mean, they tracked down fucking people from all these wars that did war crimes. | ||
| These are war crimes. | ||
| Listen, if a kid wants to do something, he has to be an adult. | ||
| He has to consent. | ||
| There's no kid that wants to grow up in Indiana. | ||
| In some house with 80 fucking kids where they have to eat everything they kill. | ||
| And they even were drinking blood pudding and shit. | ||
| So part of the deal was the guy fucks your wife. | ||
| This family I'm talking about had maybe nine kids. | ||
| Four of them belonged to the cult leader. | ||
| So after the cult dissolved, now these people got to eat dinner in the summers. | ||
| They're all on Facebook jumping up and down. | ||
| This guy don't look like my fucking brother. | ||
| You know, what does that do to your fucking... | ||
| And the parents are sitting there playing the guitars jumping up and down like... | ||
| You know, life is beautiful. | ||
| What the fuck life is beautiful? | ||
| Four of your kids belong to some cult leader, and your husband's sitting there like a fucking savage. | ||
| I mean, these things are just disgusting. | ||
| This is just disgusting shit. | ||
| Yeah, they always get to fuck the women. | ||
| That's part of the deal. | ||
| That's part of the fucking deal, and the husband's got to sit there playing the guitar, making Kool-Aid, like some fucking jack-off. | ||
| Like some fucking jack-off. | ||
| I mean, I never understood this shit. | ||
| Well, it's amazing when they study cults how the same sort of pattern plays itself out. | ||
| Yeah, everybody wants to sling dick, and that's part of it. | ||
| That's part of the 401k. | ||
| I got to fuck everybody in this motherfucker. | ||
| It is part of it, right? | ||
| It's a weird thing with men. | ||
| And they fuck like 17-year-olds on the cusp of being 18. I mean, these guys should be shot. | ||
| I heard that that particular guy was still alive in a different state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| The people I'm talking about, the cult leader that they defunct from is still alive and they're trying to sue him. | ||
| Oh, I thought you meant Koresh. | ||
| Yeah, he killed a few babies. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they're disgusting. | ||
| How many minor league cults are there out there that we don't know about? | ||
| Is there a gang of them? | ||
| Millions. | ||
| Are the Moonies still around? | ||
| Harry Christmas? | ||
| No, the Moonies. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The Moonies were like an East Coast thing. | ||
| I haven't even seen the Harry Christmas movie. | ||
| I haven't even seen Happy Christmas lately. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, with the little hair, nothing. | ||
| In Boulder, they're there every other week. | ||
| But not none. | ||
| I never see them out here. | ||
| It's a nickname, apparently. | ||
| I thought it was the real name. | ||
| It's from the Unification Church. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, yeah. | |
| Sean Young Moon and shit. | ||
| He was big in the 70s. | ||
| They can't survive, man. | ||
| Is that Amish? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Recent use. | ||
| A 1996 article in The Independent by former Prime Minister Edward Heath gave at a Unification Church-sponsored conference. | ||
| He admitted the term Mooney has entered the language meaning a brainwashed, bright-eyed zombie. | ||
| Yeah, I guess they're around still, man. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah, wow. | ||
| The Unification Church. | ||
| It's got to be harder to do in those things today, though, no? | ||
| I don't know if you have to get state fucking approval. | ||
| There's some states that allow cults. | ||
| Well, you know, as far as, like, religions go... | ||
| It's a church, yeah, it's a church. | ||
| They get, like, a tax deduction, the whole fucking thing, you know. | ||
| Because that's what Alex Gray has. | ||
| That artist, he's got a church. | ||
| Like, he's the one who does all those crazy psychedelic paintings. | ||
| That guy's got a church. | ||
| I mean, his whole thing is non-profit. | ||
| Like, he's been approved by the government. | ||
| Which is pretty incredible. | ||
| We could all get approved. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| But who wants that fucking creepy feeling? | ||
| I would never want that creepy feeling to think that I was walking on fucking water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Bro, all of them have all become that. | ||
| They all become that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's no way to look back. | ||
| They all become that creepy person. | ||
| Yeah, is there anyone who's ever made a cult where it worked out really good? | ||
| Fuck them up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Well, Scientology works out good for some people. | ||
| You know, it's worked out really good for Tom Cruise. | ||
| Works out really good for John Travolta. | ||
| Works out really good for, like, the head actor guys. | ||
| And, like, you know, people who are at the head of... | ||
| I mean, whatever their group of, like, top people in Scientology. | ||
| Works out good for them. | ||
| Is that a blue cigarette that you're smoking? | ||
| This is crack, okay. | ||
| Did you know that Bloomberg's trying to get rid of those? | ||
| He should. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why do you say that? | ||
| Look at Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| She took over Stephen Dorff. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| She's a new blue cigarette person. | ||
| They went from black and white to really color super hot chick. | ||
| Like black and white. | ||
| Like film noir. | ||
| Well, I guess they're doing that with this too. | ||
| The other one, it's not. | ||
| Ew, it's so gross. | ||
| They're like being silly with each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| Let's smoke this. | ||
| Ha ha ha. | ||
| She couldn't possibly smoke in real life and still be that hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could she? | |
| Oh, she smokes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You can tell she's a smoker. | ||
| Good googly moogly. | ||
| In between fucking hummers, you gotta do something with that fucking mouth. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Add some nicotine into those jaws in between fucking... | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| She really is. | ||
| I don't give a... | ||
| She's still pissed at Jim Carrey. | ||
| You don't come visit the fucking kids. | ||
| I'm done fucking you. | ||
| I'm gonna come see the kids for. | ||
| Right or wrong. | ||
| Right or wrong. | ||
| No, she's pissed. | ||
| Listen, we don't fuck no more. | ||
| I gotta come see your kid. | ||
| When I was eating your ass, I was his best friend. | ||
| I ain't eating your ass no more. | ||
| I'm gonna come over and read him a book. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You know, it's the truth. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's the truth. | ||
| It's a man thing. | ||
| Now he's going to go have a family. | ||
| I've got to go over there and visit Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| You know she wants to smoke that pole and talk about Ace Ventura. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| She'll suck your dick. | ||
| That's a freak. | ||
| I ain't mad at her. | ||
| I love Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| I've been watching her. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She talked about how amazing you were in Ace Ventura. | ||
| Next thing you know, she's swallowing your sword. | ||
| You're petting the cat. | ||
| Everybody's fucking happy. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I can't be around Jenny McCartney. | ||
| Once you fuck Jenny McCartney, can you imagine being around her? | ||
| Not fucking her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're single? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Jenny, cut it out. | ||
| Let's go to that bedroom. | ||
| I'm going to fucking Ace Venturi into that fucking door there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The competition for a woman that hot is off the charts. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She writes fucking books. | ||
| She's been around. | ||
| She's done a lot with Playmate things, dog. | ||
| She's done a lot with it. | ||
| You gotta really... | ||
| This chick was out of Chicago. | ||
| White chick came out as a comic with The Nerdist on that show. | ||
| When I moved to LA, that show was it. | ||
| It was getting cast by Judy Brown. | ||
| Stan Hope was on it. | ||
| The fucking... | ||
| The Jenny McCarthy show. | ||
| I read for it. | ||
| Was that Remote Control? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, the new... | ||
| Do you mean the sitcom? | ||
| No, on MTV they gave her a show. | ||
| Was she on Single Now? | ||
| What was Remote Control? | ||
| That wasn't her. | ||
| That was a game show. | ||
| Oh, that was a different one. | ||
| Okay, Singled Out was with her and... | ||
| The Nerdist. | ||
| The Nerdist, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| Yeah, come on now. | ||
| Jenny McCarthy's a bad bitch, Doug. | ||
| She's been around a long time, man. | ||
| No fucking dirty movies. | ||
| No nothing. | ||
| Nobody's got a picture of her sucking a cock. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody's got a picture of Jenny McCarthy. | ||
| If they did, it wouldn't hurt her. | ||
| She would just own it. | ||
| No, she looks beautiful. | ||
| She's fucking hotter than fat asses. | ||
| That used to be a deal killer for a woman back in the day. | ||
| It almost killed a chick from Miss America. | ||
| What was the chick? | ||
| The black chick, the mixing chick. | ||
| They caught her eating pussy on all fours. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| Look at that picture and what it did in 1984 to her career. | ||
| And that bitch came out with albums. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Married a Laker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| What's her name again? | ||
| Vanessa? | ||
| Vanessa Williams. | ||
| Vanessa Williams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was beautiful. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| She was fine. | ||
| Look at the picture of her eating that fucking mung qua. | ||
| She was a mung qua. | ||
| She was a mung qua. | ||
| She's on all fours. | ||
| She's got her fucking nostrils in it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a very beautiful woman. | ||
| That's a beautiful woman. | ||
| You know, now she's 50, she's 40. I mean, you know, I'm talking about when she was 20. She won Miss America and they took the crown from her because somebody fucking developed those pictures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On all fours? | ||
| It was a different world. | ||
| Now they would, like, encourage that shit. | ||
| Yeah, now you do that, you get a fucking show on the Kardashians underneath. | ||
| Yeah, and that way people would pay attention. | ||
| You know, having something like that. | ||
| I mean, look at Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. | ||
| It made them, really. | ||
| I mean, it made them more popular. | ||
| And this chick had a ton of fuck. | ||
| I mean, she put on a music album. | ||
| Every once in a while, I still put the album on, Running Back to You. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you like dancing and shit, 1991, 92. She did movies, too, didn't she? | |
| She did the movie with Arnold. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Yeah, what was that? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Witness. | ||
| She was a witness relocation plan, and he took her, and she stole the disc from the company, and come on now. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And then she was on some other TV show for a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's a badass motherfucker. | ||
| Damn, that was a long-ass time ago. | ||
| Yeah, she's been around for a long time, but they killed her with that pussy. | ||
| Picture her eating some poor girl, having a good old yum-yum time in college. | ||
| Is she out of Texas? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look and see if she's out of where she's out of. | ||
| She's out of somewhere. | ||
| What? | ||
| They made her like that, and she's tall, too. | ||
| Is she? | ||
| Yeah, she's tall. | ||
| Vanessa Williams. | ||
| There's another one, an actress, that was named Vanessa Williams, too, right? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Remember there was two Vanessa Williams for a while? | ||
| It was fucking confusing as shit. | ||
| There's Vanessa L. Williams, and then Vanessa Williams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Where's she from? | ||
| She is from Millwood, New York. | ||
| Where'd she go to college? | ||
| Texas? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something happened in Texas. | ||
| Doesn't say. | ||
| Doesn't say. | ||
| But yeah, she's... | ||
| Ah, I can't show that one. | ||
| She's born in... | ||
| She was born in 63, so she's 50. She's 50. Son of a gun. | ||
| Now I see what you're talking about. | ||
| She's got a couple kids. | ||
| She still works a lot for ABC shows. | ||
| She's still beautiful. | ||
| Time's a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| It waits for nobody. | ||
| Um... | ||
| Waits for nobody. | ||
| Oh, there's another Vanessa Williams. | ||
| Okay, there's a young girl named Vanessa Williams. | ||
| There you go, right there. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| She's next to this rock. | ||
| Right in the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, she's like, a pumpkin's there. | ||
| She's like, boy, this pumpkin smells fresh. | ||
| Look how big it is. | ||
| Fresh pumpkin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, how weird. | |
| Yeah, we can't show that. | ||
| We get in trouble, folks. | ||
| We can get in trouble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird when you go back and look at like... | ||
| You ever watch a movie from that era? | ||
| Like... | ||
| I watched... | ||
| What was that movie where the guy played the video game? | ||
| And the video game taught Starfighter. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| That was... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy's name was Alex Rogan. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Because... | ||
| I'm like, he's got my last name. | ||
| And he was a guy who learned how to pilot this... | ||
| This spacecraft... | ||
| During playing this video game. | ||
| The best at it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was like Star... | ||
| Last Starfighter. | ||
| Last Starfighter? | ||
| Last Starfighter? | ||
| Was that it? | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| What's his name in it? | ||
| The black dude? | ||
| He looked all weird and creepy. | ||
| The black guy. | ||
| Which black guy? | ||
| The one... | ||
| It says it stars Lance Guest, Robert Preston, K.E. Cuter, see full cast and crew. | ||
| No. | ||
| Just look up The Last Starfighter. | ||
| I was thinking of something else. | ||
| And this video game guy... | ||
| Seemingly doomed to stay in his trailer park home all his life, finds himself recruited as a gunner for an alien defense force. | ||
| It was so dumb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was this guy's name? | |
| He was the main guy in it, right? | ||
| Yeah, that was the main guy in it. | ||
| Who was he? | ||
| Yeah, I thought he was somebody. | ||
| I think you're thinking of Enemy Mine. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| And you're thinking of Louis Gossett? | ||
| Is that who it is? | ||
| Louis Gossett Jr.? | ||
| Is that the guy's name? | ||
| You're 100% right. | ||
| He's the man from, remember that? | ||
| Officer and a Gentleman? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That was a great fucking movie. | ||
| That was a great fucking movie. | ||
| It took me months to watch that. | ||
| I couldn't get over them because I had a girlfriend that liked that motherfucker, so I hate him. | ||
| I hated that motherfucker. | ||
| I went to see American Jiggle and he showed his ass. | ||
| I lost my edge after that. | ||
| And then he'd come out with Office in the Gentleman. | ||
| I caught it on 178th Street for $5 with D for Hearts. | ||
| With Stephen Bauer and the other chick. | ||
| That was the first big movie they gave Stephen Bauer after Scarface. | ||
| And fucking Officer the Gentleman, where the fuck you been? | ||
| At an orgy? | ||
| Listening to Rolling Stones? | ||
| Bad mouth in your country? | ||
| He's dropping some knowledge. | ||
| Then Lou Gossett started busting out old school karate moves. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Like Shotokan karate moves. | ||
| Oh my god, CSI Miami was in there. | ||
| That dude that was taken on, remember, he pulled him up there and choked him out, and he tapped out, and then they threw him out of there. | ||
| Plus, the other guy was in that movie. | ||
| Officer and a Gentleman is deep. | ||
| Pull up the fight scene from Officer and a Gentleman. | ||
| There's a couple of them, but when he walks up on him... | ||
| Anybody want to come up here? | ||
| How about you, Mayonnaise? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I remember his name was Mayo. | ||
| But let me tell you what the baddest part of that movie is. | ||
| When you really realize who fucking Richard Gere is. | ||
| It's the first scene when his father comes in and they just had an orgy. | ||
| His father is played by Frank Lopez from Scarface. | ||
| Fresh off Scarface. | ||
| And fucking whatever his name is, he's combing his hair. | ||
| And all of a sudden his father comes in and he moves over. | ||
| He takes his dick out and he's pissing in front of him. | ||
| He goes, that was some fucking night, huh? | ||
| He goes, not like those bitches in Thailand. | ||
| I mean, he was just... | ||
| And he goes, where are you going? | ||
| And he goes, I got to drop something on you. | ||
| I'm a fucking officer. | ||
| And he goes, look at you. | ||
| You ain't no fucking officer. | ||
| Remember, he hits the glass and shit. | ||
| You ain't no fucking officer. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| And he goes, what's your problem? | ||
| You might have to salute me someday. | ||
| Fucking tremendous scene. | ||
| He walks out. | ||
| Where you going? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I was only kidding you. | ||
| That's a great fucking movie. | ||
| That scene in the beginning, that was Frank Lopez. | ||
| That was Frank Lopez's, I think it was after Scarface. | ||
| So he left Scarface getting shot. | ||
| You know, they threw him out of his own. | ||
| There you go! | ||
| That's when he's trying to, he's telling him to quit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've changed. | |
| I've changed since I've been here. | ||
| Hell you have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've changed, sir! | |
| No. | ||
| You just polished up your ass a little bit. | ||
| You just shined it up. | ||
| Tell me what I want to hear. | ||
| I want your D-O-R. No, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want your D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit. | |
| Spell it! | ||
| D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit. | ||
| Yeah, then you can be free and you and your daddy can get drunk and go hole chasing again. | ||
| He doesn't know it's D-O-O-R. No, sir! | ||
| D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, then you can forget it. | |
| You're out. | ||
| That's the line right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do it! | |
| I got nowhere else to go. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got nowhere else to go. | |
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| That was incredible. | ||
| That was incredible, dog. | ||
| I forgive him for all his crazy Buddhist bullshit. | ||
| Remember after 9-11? | ||
| We need to use love. | ||
| He got on stage in New York and was like, we need to use love and love them. | ||
| Like, ooh, I don't know if that's the right answer. | ||
| We need to figure out how to stop planes from flying into buildings before we worry about love. | ||
| People aren't going to be not flying planes into buildings because you're a really good officer and gentleman. | ||
| Remember he was selling belt buckles to fucking those dudes. | ||
| A dude from CSI Miami comes up to me and goes, Is it worth you making a couple dollars? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| He was selling clean belt buckles. | ||
| He was selling clean belt buckles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how he got in trouble. | |
| He got in trouble because he was hustling. | ||
| I remember seeing, what's his name, at the store one night. | ||
| I shook his hand. | ||
| He's like a big AA guy, you know, Lou Gossett Jr. Is he? | ||
| He was at the store one night, man, cooler than fuck. | ||
| I shook his fucking hand and I said, dog, Officer and the Gentleman, you know, you're a bad dude. | ||
| You got a tremendous resume. | ||
| Do you remember good times? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I saw the father up there too. | ||
| Remember? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We were up there together. | |
| We used to see him all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the time. | |
| I used to be a stand-up comic up here. | ||
| He was fucking hilarious, man. | ||
| John Amos. | ||
| John Amos. | ||
| That guy was fun, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good dude. | |
| He was so nice. | ||
| Good dude. | ||
| Yeah, very fucking nice. | ||
| He was the first really famous guy that I ever met that I didn't feel weird talking to. | ||
| No. | ||
| He gave you no judgment. | ||
| He was just hanging out with you. | ||
| He was a fan of comedy. | ||
| He respected it. | ||
| So that's the difference. | ||
| When somebody sits back there and goes, Dog, I appreciate what the fuck you do. | ||
| I tried it for three years, and it wasn't me. | ||
| I remember the dude from... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Badass actor. | |
| Plummer. | ||
| Glenn Plummer used to always come into the store. | ||
| Glenn Plummer? | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Black dude that was in the movie with Sean Penn when they did a movie about the gangs in L.A. And then he did a thousand things. | ||
| I just saw him in fucking Sons of Anarchy. | ||
| I mean, he's still working. | ||
| I saw him at the store. | ||
| He didn't come up to me and go, What you do. | ||
| And I'm going, really? | ||
| You don't want to do it? | ||
| I remember hosting at the store, bringing him up. | ||
| And I'm going, dog, please don't embarrass me. | ||
| I go, you've done movies with fucking Andy Garcia. | ||
| And he's into things to do in Denver when you're dead. | ||
| That scene, the two black dudes. | ||
| It's him, Cheadle, and the dude from fucking... | ||
| Oh, this guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Yeah, he used to come to the store all the time. | ||
| That guy's excellent. | ||
| Yeah, he just got shot on Sons of Anarchy the last two seasons or something like that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| John Amos was the first guy that ever gave me a compliment, too, that was, like, famous. | ||
| Like, the first guy that I ever talked to, like, that told me they had a good time at a show. | ||
| He was sitting in the back of the store and fucking having a great time, man. | ||
| And we'd come up to you and talk to you about bits. | ||
| Joey, I'd love when you did this bit. | ||
| Oh, man, the way you did that. | ||
| Remember I used to have that tiger fucking bit? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He came up to me one night after the show and he goes, you're so free up there, man. | ||
| He goes, you're so free. | ||
| And anyway, I had to figure out how to do that bit right. | ||
| And one of the ways that I learned how to do that bit right was I would do it different ways. | ||
| And he kind of explained to me what was good about it. | ||
| Because he's such a great actor. | ||
| Even in good times. | ||
| He was in Roots. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fuck yeah, he was in Roots. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was in Roots. | |
| He got his foot chopped off, remember? | ||
| Yes, he was a root. | ||
| He was so good as an actor, like even in like a sitcom, it's like he had these powerful fucking moments, right? | ||
| So when he told me, it's like, you know, like you're so, it's so free up there when you're doing that. | ||
| You're so free because you're not thinking about shit. | ||
| He's like, you're like thinking like that tiger. | ||
| And I realized like that's really the way to do it. | ||
| You got to actually almost pretend you're a tiger, like think like that thing thinks. | ||
| And that's the way it worked. | ||
| That's the I kind of figured it out because of him. | ||
| Because of him talking to me about it. | ||
| I was like, oh yeah, that's it. | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
| And it made me so confident because he said that. | ||
| You know, I'm like, Jesus, John Amos said that? | ||
| It's got to be right. | ||
| It's like, this is 100%. | ||
| That's the guy from Roots. | ||
| That's the guy from Good Times. | ||
| That's John Amos. | ||
| Coming to America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| That's right. | ||
| That was incredible. | ||
| Stay off the drugs. | ||
| Wow, that's incredible. | ||
| I watched Omit the Logic again the other night. | ||
| Oh, the Richard Pryor documentary? | ||
| Did you watch it yet? | ||
| Dude, that makes me nervous. | ||
| You gotta watch, when he goes to the Hollywood Bowl, when he goes to the Hollywood Bowl and goes off. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| For some gay foundation, the people, but, you know. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| This packed thing, all-star line-up, Bette Midler, to support gay people. | ||
| And he got on out there and he goes, where the fuck were you when they were burning Watts? | ||
| You could kiss my rich black ass. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| And he got off and the host got on. | ||
| I'm so embarrassed. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And they're booing him and the next day it was in Variety and shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And how they gave him all this dough and they took it back. | ||
| He made Jim Brown the president of his company. | ||
| How much blow are you doing? | ||
| Well, he was doing a lot of things with Jim Brown. | ||
| Jim Brown is in his act, remember? | ||
| Like Jim telling him to get off cocaine. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| And yeah, you know what, man? | ||
| It makes you scared because you know that there's parts of that that relate. | ||
| We're obsession in other ways. | ||
| You know what they are. | ||
| We're obsessed in other ways. | ||
| It doesn't have to be cocaine and weapons. | ||
| He was married seven times. | ||
| What about the time when he went upstairs with the bitch and the guy goes, the next morning he knocked on my door. | ||
| I go, Richard, what are you doing? | ||
| He goes, I gotta get a divorce. | ||
| You know, it was just craziness. | ||
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| But that's what people don't know is when you're in that zone and you're at the comedy store and the Chinese guys are giving you drinks in the back. | ||
| I can't even imagine. | ||
| I couldn't imagine being there when Kennison was there with Lenny Clark. | ||
| And there's 18 hitters in the back, and everybody's drinking, and Mitchie Shaw. | ||
| And I know we always talk about this, but we gotta show the mental side of comedy. | ||
| Bro, you gotta be a savage. | ||
| There's a part of you that after a certain level, you have to become a savage. | ||
| You really do, man. | ||
| I'm a savage, and I'm proud of it. | ||
| Yeah, there's no way around it. | ||
| If you don't do it, you won't survive. | ||
| The very thing that you need to become a real comic, it's like you have to have this freedom. | ||
| You have to have a freedom of thinking. | ||
| You have this ability to go to these dark places. | ||
| And we learned that from that fucking crazy haunted house. | ||
| That's a big part. | ||
| You did a little, but you learned it there. | ||
| You learned it there. | ||
| You changed. | ||
| Listen, man, I remember being 16 and going home. | ||
| You were a junior in high school. | ||
| I wasn't sleeping. | ||
| I mean, at this time, there was no sleep happening. | ||
| I just wasn't sleeping. | ||
| What, you were doing coke? | ||
| I was doing coke by myself. | ||
| By yourself? | ||
| I would go home and listen to Master Reality by Black Sabbath. | ||
| I was just into the void and people having popes hanging on a rope. | ||
| And I would do the coke and I'd probably do a little hit of mescaline too or something to get me going. | ||
| And I'd sit in that fucking corner. | ||
| I didn't smoke cigarettes. | ||
| I didn't do nothing. | ||
| And I'd just go do this. | ||
| Look, I'd rock like a fucking retard. | ||
| Back and forth. | ||
| I still remember that shit. | ||
| And I'd be like, Jesus Christ, this is my life. | ||
| I'm gonna fucking kill somebody. | ||
| Listen to this shit. | ||
| How many days can you stay up for before you start going crazy? | ||
| There's a number, right? | ||
| Three. | ||
| Three? | ||
| How many days have you ever done it? | ||
| Coke? | ||
| How many days have you stayed up? | ||
| I've never done that. | ||
| You've never stayed up? | ||
| No, I never did that. | ||
| I still went to bed. | ||
| How many days have you stayed up? | ||
| One time, I stayed up three nights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
| Friday, Saturday. | ||
| And by Saturday night, I kept calling the police. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| I kept calling the police, telling them that there was somebody in my house, right? | ||
| Oh! | ||
| This is when I was house-sitting on faraway road in Snowmass Village. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Okay, and I'm up there, and me and my girlfriend were going off. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Me and my girlfriend at the time are going to her brother's wedding, and I'm going to meet her parents for the first time. | ||
| And I went to New York, and I got two ounces of blow, and I gave one to an electrician buddy of mine. | ||
| And I said, hold an ounce of this. | ||
| I'm going to pick it up the night before I go to fucking this wedding. | ||
| And I get there about 11 o'clock on a Thursday night. | ||
| I pick up the ounce. | ||
| I go home. | ||
| About 1 o'clock, the motherfucker's calling me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I do a line. | ||
| I do another one. | ||
| Let me tell you how bad it got. | ||
| The dog I had at the time, Hercules, was probably a year old. | ||
| I loved him. | ||
| I didn't let him out of the house the whole weekend. | ||
| He held that piss like a soldier. | ||
| What? | ||
| For a whole weekend he held his piss? | ||
| I wouldn't let him out. | ||
| This is how crazy I was. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| Who the fuck cares? | ||
| He didn't piss. | ||
| I kept looking at him every time he cried. | ||
| That's it, you ain't going out. | ||
| And I had no porn, right? | ||
| So I whacked off to, what's the movie with the lady in red? | ||
| Vanessa Redgrave? | ||
| The lady in red, the chick that was married to Steve Segal, you fuck. | ||
| Oh, what is her name? | ||
| Michelle LeBrock. | ||
| Kelly LeBrock. | ||
| Kelly LeBrock in Woman in Red shows her pussy for a slip second. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes, she does. | ||
| When Gene Wilder calls for her. | ||
| When Gene Wilder calls for her, she runs off to bed and they show her bush. | ||
| I figured out with the VCR how to lock it on her fucking bush. | ||
| And I'd sit there with my dick in my belly button and I'd whack it off. | ||
| And then I'd hear something happen and I'd call the cops. | ||
| And after the third time, they sat me down. | ||
| They're like, listen, you gotta stop doing cocaine. | ||
| I had the cocaine hidden in the sink. | ||
| So if somebody happened, I'd lift the water and hit the compressor button. | ||
| But there's one tiny minute in Lady in Red where she shows her fucking pussy. | ||
| She shows her red hot panties, right? | ||
| That's the idea? | ||
| No, she gets up off the bed. | ||
| It says, let's her dress fly and shows her red hot panties. | ||
| No, it's when Gene Wilder comes calling for her. | ||
| And she gets up and shows that little bush. | ||
| Oh, that drove me fucking crazy. | ||
| I sat there. | ||
| She... | ||
| She reminded me of an old girlfriend in high school. | ||
| She was beautiful. | ||
| My God. | ||
| Gene Wilder. | ||
| Gene Wilder and her were in a movie together naked. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| What do you think I'm talking about? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know what you're saying, but I'm like, that's crazy. | ||
| Lady in Red. | ||
| That's what it was called? | ||
| Lady. | ||
| Woman in Red. | ||
| I'm so sorry. | ||
| Woman in Red. | ||
| She was in Steven Seagal movies too, right? | ||
| She was in Back From War, whatever. | ||
| Back From War. | ||
| He started beating her, remember? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, he started beating her. | ||
| Remember, she was an acupuncturist. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah, he was her acupuncturist. | ||
| And one day he just started beating. | ||
| He said, fuck the needle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Joe, you making shit up, man? | ||
| No, he did beat her. | ||
| He did something to her. | ||
| She's pissed. | ||
| She was on Celebrity Rehab, one of those celebrity losing weight shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I'm telling you guys. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, she's hot now. | |
| I think Steve Seagal's third movie was with her. | ||
| Back in Danger, whatever the fuck, with the kid. | ||
| They shot the kid and him with the wife, and then he went to the ranch. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah, she gained the weight. | ||
| Stress, man. | ||
| A lot of goddamn stress. | ||
| She moved to a fucking ranch and started eating potato chips. | ||
| There was no stress. | ||
| With that Steven Seagal money, she saw what he made on one of those fucking movies. | ||
| Steven Seagal was getting paid, though, for a while. | ||
| He was a big megastar. | ||
| Oh yeah, no doubt. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Yeah, when he was doing like, Above the Law and all those movies. | ||
| Above the Law is a good movie. | ||
| Don't ever get confused. | ||
| It's a good fucking movie. | ||
| They would've never gave him another eight if Above the Law. | ||
| In the beginning when he's doing the classic Aikido dude. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's how the movie starts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When he goes to that bar and starts bit slapping people with that fucking straight arm to the neck, that was tremendous. | ||
| Then he started killing Jamaicans. | ||
| What was the movie with the fucking Jamaicans and shit? | ||
| I see that black dude auditions and shit. | ||
| I want to shake his hand. | ||
| What's the movie with the Jamaicans when he went to the mall with the Colombians and the Santeria? | ||
| Fucking tremendous, that movie. | ||
| What was that movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was Back 4 More 2. Back 4 More 2. Oh, that's funny. | |
| Okay, what is his Wikipedia? | ||
| We need to find out what the fuck that movie is. | ||
| He's still banging out movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Marked for Death. | |
| Marked for Death. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| How many movies do you think he's done? | ||
| Take a guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Steven Seagal? | |
| 62. 67. I bet he's done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Oh, he did stunts in some earlier movies, man. | ||
| Never Say Never Again. | ||
| Is that a James Bond movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a martial arts instructor in that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| View to a Kill, and then Above the Law... | ||
| Was like 88. Yeah, that was his first movie. | ||
| Damn, this motherfucker's done a lot of movies. | ||
| When I kidnapped that dude, and the cops were looking for me, I hid out with Above the Law and Lethal Weapon. | ||
| And I fucking watched him over and over. | ||
| And I was blown away by Above the Law. | ||
| I really was. | ||
| I was blown away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| The Jamaicans. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| What was the... | ||
| Quiz, what was the fucking black? | ||
| One-eye? | ||
| Glass-eye? | ||
| What was the Jamaican's name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember. | |
| Remember he killed a brother and then the brother popped up? | ||
| Well, you know... | ||
| Oh, he had a glass-eye, right? | ||
| Something. | ||
| Something weird. | ||
| His fight scenes in these early movies were like the first realistic fight scenes in a movie. | ||
| Where a dude was like slapping guys' arms down and fucking knuckling them in the face. | ||
| It wasn't like these giant... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It was more like that. | ||
| It wasn't like... | ||
| It was the first time we ever saw Aikido, but it wasn't like a giant flying split kick where he kicks two dudes at the same time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was more brutal than we had ever seen in movies before. | ||
| As far as karate scenes, it seemed more brutal and more realistic. | ||
| I never saw a Steven Seagal movie in a black movie theater, but it must be real. | ||
| And they cheer for white people. | ||
| Black people don't cheer for black people in movie theaters. | ||
| They cheer for white people smacking the fuck. | ||
| I saw Rambo, too. | ||
| I saw the second Rambo on 178th Street in Harlem. | ||
| It was one of the funniest things I had ever. | ||
| To this day, I always say it. | ||
| When he opens his eyes in the mud... | ||
| Remember that scene when he opens his eyes and he stands, the German guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Black people went fucking bananas, dog. | ||
| But I had never seen nothing like that. | ||
| I can't even imagine a Steven Seagal movie on the 78th Street. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| We missed the window. | ||
| The window was right about above the law. | ||
| If you got in above the law in the 1980s and went to Harlem and watched Above the Law, I bet it would be one of the most incredible experiences of your life. | ||
| You'd laugh your ass off. | ||
| Well, I saw Planet of the fucking Apes in Philly. | ||
| Me and Tommy Jr. and his girl, we went to a theater in the middle of Philly, and this was like when the UFC had fights in Philly. | ||
| We got there like a day early. | ||
| We played pool, and we got so high, we were terrified of our own shadow, and then we went to this black neighborhood. | ||
| It was the only place that they had. | ||
| We didn't even know. | ||
| We didn't know it was like an urban neighborhood. | ||
| Until we got there. | ||
| But once we were in the theater, we were like, oh my god, we're the only white people here. | ||
| There was maybe three other white people. | ||
| We found each other, we huddled together, and then we went to the movie theater. | ||
| But when we got in there, it was hilarious, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| There's dudes who are artists at Yelling Shit Out. | ||
| These dudes are artists. | ||
| They do it perfectly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you fucked up now! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I don't like it for the most part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's gotta be funny. | |
| Most people are bad at it. | ||
| It's gotta be funny. | ||
| If it's funny, it's brilliant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some dudes try too hard. | ||
| The worst is when there's a funny dude and his not funny friend is like fucking really loud. | ||
| He tries too hard. | ||
| Like one dude will say some funny shit and then his other friends will chime in and try to like top him and they can't. | ||
| They don't know they're not funny yet. | ||
| I saw a Clint Eastwood marathon in San Francisco on the Tenderloin when Clint Eastwood tells the guy to pick up the gun and the black guy yells in the back, shoot that black motherfucker! | ||
| The place went down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just said, shoot that black motherfucker! | |
| When Planet of the Apes. | ||
| They cheerful white people. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Did you see Planet of the Apes, the new one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You didn't see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's fucking good, Joey. | ||
| It's fucking good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I know you wouldn't go see The Mechanic. | ||
| You wouldn't go see the... | ||
| Was it Jason Statham or was Jason Statham was The Mechanic? | ||
| You wouldn't go see that out of respect for Charles Bronson. | ||
| But when it was on television, I caught the first 10 minutes of it on Showtime and I was correct. | ||
| You were correct? | ||
| They blew it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| That dude who played the bad guy, the dude who played his apprentice, that motherfucker is wicked. | ||
| He was in that stupid vampire movie, 30 Days of Night. | ||
| Did you ever see that movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Good fucking movie. | ||
| He ain't no J. Michael Vincent in 1973. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| J. Michael, throw a picture of J. Michael in 1973. | ||
| He was taking his dick out on Wilshire Boulevard, and they would line up to Sunset to suck that blonde hair. | ||
| Especially after the movie he did on Baby Blue Marine. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| And then they put him with the ugliest man in Hollywood, Charles Bronson. | ||
| And he went crazy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he go crazy? | |
| Yeah, he looks like a fucking truck hit him. | ||
| He went nutty. | ||
| Yeah, poor guy. | ||
| He was in Malibu, eating pills, drinking cocktails, They say that that's the place to go if you want to eat pills. | ||
| If you want to be like a rich old person that eats pills, Malibu is your spot. | ||
| Like everyone in Malibu is like, you know, there's like a bunch of refugees from Hollywood that are older and just chewing pills now. | ||
| Like littered in between people who like to jog and ride bikes. | ||
| There's like just people staring at the ocean just popping pills all day. | ||
| You know what the worst thing about those pills are? | ||
| What? | ||
| How long they stay in your system. | ||
| And how you don't feel it while you're eating those things. | ||
| Not until you get off those things. | ||
| Like when you get a knee surgery, I feel bad. | ||
| Because America doesn't really know this. | ||
| You didn't eat your vikonins after your surgeries. | ||
| No, I don't like that stuff. | ||
| You'd rather take a leave because you know. | ||
| You know what it does to you. | ||
| It destroys your system. | ||
| It eats apart your fucking stomach lining. | ||
| You gotta eat tons of fucking yogurt with them. | ||
| Pills are a slow fucking death in this country. | ||
| And people have no idea. | ||
| I didn't, but I was never really an opiate guy. | ||
| I ate some volumes when I snorted some coke to get the dick going. | ||
| You know, you ate some gorilla biscuits. | ||
| But there's people who eat those, like that thing you always talk about, that Florida Road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That documentary about Florida. | ||
| The OxyContin Express. | ||
| You have no fucking idea. | ||
| I told you, dog, I did a 16th one time. | ||
| My blood pressure went up, I had to lay down. | ||
| Those things are different. | ||
| That synthetic heroin ain't the best thing in the world for you. | ||
| You might as well pull it off the street and do a little bump. | ||
| Synthetic heroin is made not to fucking addict you, but to fucking destroy you. | ||
| You know, it's like cocaine. | ||
| It's like now. | ||
| I go to places. | ||
| Listen, I really enjoy getting high, Red Band. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| When you show up with a fucking dab and a pipe and a fucking torch and shit like that, it's time for you to stop. | ||
| Why does everybody always want to make crack out of everything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I know. | |
| First they did it to coke. | ||
| You just couldn't snort coke no more. | ||
| Now I've got to mix it with gasoline and fucking toenails, put it in a jar with paint, and smoke it. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's not strong enough. | ||
| Well, that's what people are always doing. | ||
| It's just amazing. | ||
| If you blow him, he wants to stick it to your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Now, you know, you got a good point there, at least a finger, but now, you know, they got so much fucking weed stuff coming at you, and it's great, but I still like rolling the fucking joint. | ||
| Like, I'm done. | ||
| I still like rolling the joint. | ||
| You know what I like about rolling the joint, man? | ||
| I like the, like... | ||
| The karma, the energy. | ||
| The energy of it. | ||
| It's like the... | ||
| You dry the paper. | ||
| I wanted to say the celebration of it, but it's not the celebration. | ||
| The ritual. | ||
| That's what I was looking for. | ||
| I like the ritual of, like, here we go. | ||
| Like, I'm preparing for it. | ||
| I'm getting it rolled up. | ||
| Let's smoke some right now. | ||
| In Florida, this is the craziest statistic ever. | ||
| We've read it before, but if you haven't heard that podcast, Florida prescribes 10 times more oxycodone pills than every other state in the country combined. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That's a scary, scary thing that those pills have taken over so strongly. | ||
| Add the blow in there. | ||
| Add the blow concept to this now. | ||
| Oh, Florida's so medicated. | ||
| So you've got Oxycontins everywhere. | ||
| Now, you're adding blow to that shit. | ||
| Wouldn't it be cool if they had an app to show where people are sober? | ||
| If, like, your app, like, if you hold your phone, it tells you if you're on heroin, and just, you look, I got a map. | ||
| Like, we were looking at that porn map, all the cream pies and all that shit. | ||
| Find out what percentage of Florida is not on pain pills right now. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Go. | ||
| We are not hip enough, but I guarantee... | ||
| That we're three years behind. | ||
| That there is somebody right now moving kilos of cocaine online through UPS or whatever one of those systems that nobody even knows. | ||
| And a delivery system. | ||
| Well, you know about Silk Road. | ||
| Have you heard about Silk Road? | ||
| I don't know nothing about nothing, but I'm just saying that there's got to be somebody selling coke on Twitter. | ||
| Well, there was an article about it. | ||
| There's an article about a website that somehow or another is able to transact illicit deals and people send poop senders. | ||
| Yeah, if you want to buy any poop, they got gorilla poop, turkey, cow poop, elephant crap, gorilla poop. | ||
| Why would anybody want to buy poop? | ||
| Look up, see if there's a... | ||
| What is that Silk Road thing? | ||
| That's the thing that everybody can't look it up. | ||
| You shouldn't talk about it? | ||
| Don't talk about it. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| It's too late. | ||
| People know about it. | ||
| The government knows about it. | ||
| It's all over the news. | ||
| Bedbathandbeyond.com. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| But there's ways that people are doing it where they're figuring out how to... | ||
| But I mean, how long are they going to be able to do that? | ||
| And then what happens if somehow in the future they can go back retroactively and look up the database of who bought heroin or whatever through this fucking crazy website? | ||
| Would you sign on as Joe Rogan? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| No, you would not. | ||
| Believe me. | ||
| No, you would not. | ||
| So anybody who's going to buy heroin online is going to... | ||
| Be a little crafty. | ||
| You're going to hide your name. | ||
| It's like you're going to be a commenter on YouTube. | ||
| You're not going to go on there as Joey Diaz and say crazy shit about Taylor Swift. | ||
| If you have a Mac and you have a... | ||
| I think you're controlling your heroin use. | ||
| You could quick a fucking switch and 20 minutes later some guy delivers it to your door. | ||
| Now you know them, but this is the new way. | ||
| You don't even have to call no more. | ||
| It seems like once there's a desire for something, it's impossible to stop people from figuring out a way to get it to people, especially if it's illegal. | ||
| And it only makes sense that they'd be using the internet, right? | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| It is brilliant. | ||
| There's no way else. | ||
| I mean, it's going to happen, right? | ||
| I mean, it's not like anybody's going to hide that shit. | ||
| Speaking of hiding that shit, listen to this. | ||
| There was a dude in China that got arrested. | ||
| He went to jail because he convinced a girl that her vagina was haunted and that he had to get rid of the ghost with his penis. | ||
| So they arrested him for this. | ||
| They arrested him after he claimed that he could get rid of it. | ||
| The paranormal enthusiast allegedly charged $3,250 to perform the sexorcism. | ||
| What a brilliant man. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That dude is a pimp, and you're hating. | ||
| You're hating on that guy. | ||
| I give that guy the key to the city, Doug. | ||
| That's a fucking... | ||
| You talk a woman at the town, there's a ghost and a monkey. | ||
| You're a fucking genius. | ||
| Not just as a ghost. | ||
| She's got to give him money. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Not even fuck her, but give her money to boo. | ||
| I want to see what this girl looks like. | ||
| There's got to be a picture of this dummy. | ||
| Not so far. | ||
| I don't really want to see her picture. | ||
| I'll be sad. | ||
| Poor gal. | ||
| His name was Huang Jianwan. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Huang, H-U-A-N-G, G-I-A-N. He was that little Chinese dude in the back that got fucking A's and everybody threw fucking paper clips at him. | ||
| Look, he's a gangster. | ||
| Now he's getting his dick sucked and getting paid. | ||
| That really is funny, man. | ||
| That is classic. | ||
| That's classic type shit. | ||
| He explained the ghost in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Check this. | ||
| So she must have come to him and said, I want my boss to fall in love with me. | ||
| And so she was a conniver, man. | ||
| So he convinced her... | ||
| Because the ghosts in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| A ghost that he could easily catch with his penis. | ||
| How could you fucking arrest that guy? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Because they don't have high five there? | ||
| That's rude. | ||
| Arresting this guy for that is rude. | ||
| You should be able to go to court and say, well, your honor, what I told her was that her vagina was haunted and the only way she's going to be able to steal her boss away from his wife is if she let me fuck her and catch the ghost with my dick. | ||
| Get the fuck out of my court. | ||
| You'd be like, get your lunchbox and get the fuck out. | ||
| You wanted to sue him for what? | ||
| You thought that was true? | ||
| You thought really he was going to get the ghost out with his dick? | ||
| Get the fuck out of my car. | ||
| How can you call the cops and tell them this shit in a straight face? | ||
| Listen, I gotta arrest the guy. | ||
| He stuck his dick in my fucking whatever until he had a ghost in there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He fucking totally lied to me. | ||
| I guess it's the money. | ||
| It was the $3,250 that they had a problem with. | ||
| But meanwhile, how can they prove it? | ||
| She probably wrote a check. | ||
| How can they prove it? | ||
| How can they prove that he didn't get the ghost out? | ||
| Smell it. | ||
| Ectoplasm? | ||
| Smell it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smell it. | |
| See if it smells haunted. | ||
| If it smells like a shoe. | ||
| It could be a rigged game though. | ||
| She waits right until you start and she farts right in your face. | ||
| Nah, I can't fart out like that. | ||
| It's a fucking crazy world out there, though. | ||
| You can talk people into anything. | ||
| Well, you can definitely talk some people into almost anything. | ||
| Into anything. | ||
| Go to a farmer's market on Sunday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just pick somebody. | |
| Any of those Laurel Canyon farmer's markets, just stay in the back. | ||
| Go to Burning Man. | ||
| Oh, they got the hat on, the whole fucking thing. | ||
| How many people do you think you could talk and join a cult if you went to Burning Man? | ||
| Three. | ||
| You could have three. | ||
| You could walk out of there with a little leash. | ||
| I gotta have a plan. | ||
| I gotta have a plan where to take them. | ||
| You know, why the reason why they have to suck your dick. | ||
| The drink from the anointing of the sick, the whole thing. | ||
| You've got to have a plan. | ||
| You just can't go to Burning Man and drop knowledge on bitches. | ||
| You've got to have a plan. | ||
| Well, you have to have a little bit of a plan, but then from there you can make it up as you go along. | ||
| And it's tremendous, because you can get a soldier, and then his girlfriend, and then his girlfriend, and then you recruit two chicks and some motherfucking Momo, and you're off and running. | ||
| One of those idiots is a trust fund, baby. | ||
| Right, at least one. | ||
| Listen, what can you get from your dad? | ||
| Well, he's such a pig. | ||
| You know, he makes condoms and cigarettes, and he sells them to little Chinese kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a banker. | |
| He's an asshole. | ||
| He's an asshole. | ||
| I could probably get $10,000. | ||
| Okay, get $10,000. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder how many of those people pretend to be kidnapped so that their dad has to send money. | ||
| Bro, I lived in Boulder, and I remember kids coming to me and going, listen, give me a week. | ||
| I've got to come up with $7,500 for my... | ||
| I remember them saying they'd work their dads. | ||
| And then they'd walk around poor, telling people they're poor. | ||
| And my God, this is so hard living in Boulder. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're driving a fucking Volvo with an airbag, the whole fucking deal. | ||
| Well, I know a dude who's really rich who drives, like, beat-up cars because he grew up rich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he, like, has a pickup truck. | ||
| So he drives a pickup truck on purpose. | ||
| Like, he wants to think that he's, like, a country guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, I'm just trying to make it, and it's here a big city. | ||
| You know, a millionaire. | ||
| That's the real. | ||
| That's the people you gotta be scared of. | ||
| Those are the people you gotta be scared of. | ||
| Well, I think someone growing up in that kind of environment, if you grew up with, like... | ||
| Name the name. | ||
| Super rich, multi-billionaire parents living on yachts and flying away to boarding school. | ||
| Your reality is so bizarre. | ||
| Your reality of the potential of your future. | ||
| If you grow up and your parents are weapons manufacturers, And your parents have an island off of Greece. | ||
| You know, and the dad flies out there in a G5, and they're selling machine guns in Saudi Arabia. | ||
| You do breakfast at the President's house. | ||
| You do breakfast at fucking Clinton's. | ||
| And you shoot your guns with Clinton, and Bush comes over, and he brings something tied up, and you shoot him. | ||
| Bro, that's... | ||
| I can't even fucking imagine. | ||
| I can't even fathom that. | ||
| You know, being that. | ||
| But just think of what... | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| Well, I've been there, Joey Diaz. | ||
| I know you have. | ||
| Bohemian Grove! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I filmed them worshipping Molech the Owl God! | |
| Have you seen that video that he did? | ||
| No. | ||
| He did a video of him live from Bohemian Grove. | ||
| It's like Alex Jones is one of his first videos. | ||
| They really do, he's right, they really do have like a ritual that they do there. | ||
| If you find it online, I guarantee it's up there. | ||
| Alex Jones live in Bohemian Grove. | ||
| They find, he goes there and these dudes, they're in front of this gigantic stone owl. | ||
| And they have these sticks, and they say they're going to burn these sticks like it's an effigy. | ||
| I guess the idea behind that is that the sticks are supposed to represent a sacrifice. | ||
| And in the old days, they actually used to take a person and light them on fire. | ||
| This is Alex Jones. | ||
| He's much younger. | ||
| I was there, ladies and gentlemen, hiding in the bushes, watching this satanic ritual take place with your tax dollars! | ||
| These dudes put on robes, and they go out there with torches. | ||
| That's eyes wide shut. | ||
| That's the same shit. | ||
| Don't fuck with the music. | ||
| Or the sound, rather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to this. | |
| Now, come on. | ||
| This is fucking beyond crazy. | ||
| Because this is real. | ||
| No wonder Alex Jones is so crazy. | ||
| If you went there live and you saw this, you would believe that anything is possible. | ||
| If there's some dude who has a bundle of sticks, is there a woman that they're pretending that they're going to sacrifice? | ||
| Is that the idea? | ||
| Is there a woman who's like, tied up there? | ||
| I wish I knew the whole story. | ||
| See, it looks like they got like a person that they're going to pretend to sacrifice, then they burn these sticks. | ||
| And it's like, what? | ||
| Like, just knowing that that's real. | ||
| Is this in Texas? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| Seems like it would be. | ||
| Let's look it up. | ||
| Bohemian Grove. | ||
| Hold on, let's do the soundtrack. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| This is the soundtrack of death right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to this. | |
| No, it's in California. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That makes sense. | |
| Wow, it sounded so southern, though. | ||
| Like, you're like... | ||
| Did it? | ||
| It sounded, you know... | ||
| Where'd this happen? | ||
| Tell me where this happened so I can avoid this fucking neighborhood. | ||
| Where'd this happen? | ||
| Past Visalia, right? | ||
| Somewhere in northern California. | ||
| Yeah, this is past Visalia before San Francisco. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You killed it. | |
| You pulled over for a taco, they're done. | ||
| Alex Jones of Bohemian Grove. | ||
| Live, famous footage. | ||
| This is what tuned me in to the Illuminati, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| There was a dark time before that where they hid in the shadows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is real. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| I mean, even if it's just for a goof, if people go, oh, you're just misconstruing what's going on there. | ||
| The idea is just for fun. | ||
| What kind of an asshole stands around in a robe waiting for all this stupid shit to take place? | ||
| Like, this has taken place for over, like, 15, 20 minutes, and they're all in orderly line, like, waiting on this in this very weird ritual. | ||
| Like, who would want to participate in this? | ||
| So the idea is that there's a Washington Post article about it. | ||
| If they had better music, it would be cool. | ||
| I mean, like, look at that. | ||
| There's a bunch of fire and people dressed up and smoke. | ||
| But there's not even moving. | ||
| It's not like they're dancing. | ||
| Like, what if they had great music and they're just standing still? | ||
| See, that's so much better. | ||
| That's going to get us pulled from YouTube. | ||
| You fuck. | ||
| The digital signatures, goddammit. | ||
| I scrambled the signal. | ||
| Didn't you hear it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So there's an article here in the Washington Post about this Bohemian Grove thing and these guys are standing around these gigantic redwood trees and shit and they're all these like really super rich guys. | ||
| It says, two future U.S. presidents, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon, are pictured with Harvey Hancock, not to be confused with Herbie Hancock, or Herbie... | ||
| Was that the guy? | ||
| The love bug? | ||
| No. | ||
| Herbie Hancock was the musician, right? | ||
| Harvey Hancock standing and others at the Bohemian Grove in the summer of 1967. Wow. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Nixon said in his Watergate tapes... | ||
| He said, if I were to choose the speech that gave me the most pleasure and satisfaction in my political career, it would be the Lakeside speech at the Bohemian Grove in 1967. Because this speech traditionally was off the record and received no publicity at the time. | ||
| But then he said, the Bohemian Grove that I attended from time to time, the Easterners and the others came there and it became the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine. | ||
| Richard Nixon. | ||
| Nixon said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That San Francisco crowd that goes there, it's just terrible. | ||
| I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. | ||
| Nixon said that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nixon was just a terrible human being. | |
| Look at this picture of this photo of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon talking to this guy. | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| They really do have a place where these old, rich, elite guys get together and sit down. | ||
| And talk about shit. | ||
| Like, they really did have places like that, where they would meet up in these special locations. | ||
| Like, that idea has always been like this wacky conspiracy theory thing, that the elites get together and they meet and they wear robes. | ||
| But, no, they fucking really do. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Look, they're hanging around in a forest, and Nixon and Ronald Reagan are there with their dinner jackets on. | ||
| Colonel Sanders. | ||
| Looks like John Wayne in the lower right, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks like a little John Wayne-ish. | ||
| Bunch of weird old dudes. | ||
| So strange. | ||
| Not one fucking black dude. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| It's going to be long after these guys are gone. | ||
| Obviously Reagan and Nixon are both gone now, but long, long after anybody who's alive now, in the future we're going to have a whisper of what happened there. | ||
| Somebody's going to find a letter, there's got to be proof, a picture, a photograph. | ||
| Something, somebody's gonna write some crazy shit down. | ||
| Who that chick was in that picture in 1957? | ||
| She was never seen after that night. | ||
| Tucked away in an attic somewhere. | ||
| It'll all be hearsay. | ||
| 2,700 acre compound. | ||
| 2,000, excuse me. | ||
| 2,700 acre compound in Monterio, California. | ||
| For two weeks of heavy drinking, super secret talks, druid worship. | ||
| The group insists that they are simply revering the Redwoods and other rituals. | ||
| Their purpose? | ||
| To escape the frontier culture or uncivilized interests of common man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is the fucking Washington Post who wrote this. | ||
| The people that gather at Bohemian Grove, who have included prominent business leaders, former U.S. presidents, musicians, and oil barons, are told that weaving spiders come not here, meaning that business deals are to be left outside. | ||
| One exception was in 1942 when planning for the Manhattan Project took place at the Grove, leading to the creation of the atomic bomb. | ||
| God damn! | ||
| Joey Diaz, answer me this truthfully. | ||
| How hard did that edible kick in about 15 minutes ago? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| He thinks you're talking about Bohemian Rhapsody. | ||
| He got to a certain point where I saw him check out. | ||
| I saw his eyes roll back, and I'm like, okay, it's there. | ||
| No, I'm good, I'm good. | ||
| I've been good all day. | ||
| Is it a Chibachu? | ||
| Did a Chibachu take you to deep waters? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| What's the 70 what? | ||
| 70 milligrams of the pain. | ||
| I took a pop of one of those. | ||
| 70 milligrams. | ||
| What is a normal dose? | ||
| It's like 10? | ||
|
unidentified
|
20, 30. 70? | |
| 70's nothing. | ||
| It's 175 is the decade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
175. That's 175, the one that makes people fucking cringe. | |
| That's scary, right? | ||
| That's a scary one. | ||
| That's too scary. | ||
| That's a little too real. | ||
| You're making me nervous. | ||
| Life becomes too real. | ||
| I saw that movie trailer that was pulled that you were in. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It looked really good, actually. | ||
| Yeah, it pulled everything. | ||
| You had a great line in it. | ||
| What movie trailer? | ||
| Fucking everything, dog. | ||
| I'm not going to say what it is. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Jelly Diaz in this picture. | ||
| No, what are you talking about for a movie deal? | ||
| Some movie trailer shit that they put up. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| They took it down to their own movie. | ||
| Why'd they take it down? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| One of the brothers took it down. | ||
| But they put it up? | ||
| Somebody else put it up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was a leaked trailer. | ||
| Oh, how do you leak a trailer? | ||
| Somebody that's paid to edit it gets paid $10 an hour and he just puts it online or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| So he made his own trailer? | ||
| It's amazing how people... | ||
| He gets paid to do it. | ||
| He's probably at home sitting in Burbank doing it. | ||
| So I got the story. | ||
| It's something fucking unique. | ||
| Like the high-level people who rob those movies, they don't rob the movie from the movie theater with the camera no more. | ||
| No. | ||
| They rob them. | ||
| They tap into Warner Brothers or Fox. | ||
| Or Sony. | ||
| They tap in like the week before the movie gets released. | ||
| Or a month before it gets released. | ||
| They take the movie out, it's backwards. | ||
| It travels backwards. | ||
| They have to unwind it, whatever. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Back in business. | ||
| Is that what they do? | ||
| So they break into the FTP sites? | ||
| The movie is out before the movie's out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The movies in this country come out three days before you go see them on Friday. | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| If you go into any big market, Detroit, New York, with fucking these badass motherfuckers, Tuesday you could get whatever movie you want, even though the movie's not coming out till Friday. | ||
| Do you remember when you used to be able to buy them on the street? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there were these VHS tapes. | ||
| That's how I bought Pop Fiction. | ||
| They had a cover that was a copy of the real cover, and it was obviously a common computer printer copy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I made good, maybe allegedly made great money selling Pulp Fiction bootlegs on campus. | ||
| You know, I've never bought a fucking illegal film. | ||
| I was always scared to stop for those things. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Especially in New York City, I was always, just don't stop. | ||
| Yeah, it's a sketch. | ||
| Just eliminate the whole fucking problem. | ||
| There's a lot of times I bought them and they were empty. | ||
| There was nothing there. | ||
| I knew guys in the 70s that were taking boxes like Crazy Eddie and putting fucking bricks in them and wrapping them at home. | ||
| And they're in a corner and all of a sudden you pull up and you're like, what do you got? | ||
| And they're like, speakers, $50, they're $200 at a thing. | ||
| You're not going to unwrap them. | ||
| They're wrapped. | ||
| You're going to put them in your car, you go home and you get two fucking bricks. | ||
| Yeah, that was real common. | ||
| The pulling up and asking if you want to buy some stereo equipment. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want nothing. | ||
| I don't want nothing. | ||
| Go keep driving. | ||
| You know, they had that crazy Eddie story. | ||
| That was brilliant. | ||
| That's a weird thing about urban environments, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In cities, there's always a scam that's getting run. | ||
| But I knew there was one point where the scam went sour. | ||
| There was one point where I heard, you hear shit that people were selling thermoses and their glasses broke. | ||
| You know, and then you just say, fuck it. | ||
| Why even start going? | ||
| I might get a great deal. | ||
| Oh, I might get bullshit, then I gotta go back looking for the fucking guy the next day for $8. | ||
| Is it really worth the aggravation, you know? | ||
| But I remember going back to New York in 94, after I got divorced, and a friend of mine goes, I got a job selling cars. | ||
| And he goes, how much money? | ||
| I got about $600. | ||
| He took me to a building, bro. | ||
| He took me to a building in Harlem that the top two floors were, like, going into the Gap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And the original clothes were on there with the original prices. | ||
| And it was like 75% off and you got it. | ||
| So I remember for like 600 getting three suits and a pair of shoes and two dress shirts or something. | ||
| You know, nice suits. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| Like, you know, because they're selling them for a third. | ||
| Somebody robbed them off a truck. | ||
| But they had blenders in there. | ||
| They had TVs. | ||
| They had tables. | ||
| They had everything. | ||
| Everything was brand new. | ||
| You know, it was probably headed to Ikea or something like that. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They had buildings in New York. | ||
| When I was growing up, they'd pull up. | ||
| But there were guys from the neighborhood that you knew had a job at APA Trucking, or one of those things, one of those trucking firms, and they'd get shit every fucking Thursday. | ||
| They'd get shit every fucking Thursday. | ||
| When I was a kid, fucking the trains would move Honda Mini Trails. | ||
| Honda Mini Trails are the best motorcycle you could buy for a kid who didn't have balls. | ||
| It was 50cc and it was automatic. | ||
| I had one. | ||
| I bought one for reals. | ||
| My mother bought me one for reals. | ||
| And then we found out that you could steal them off the train that came to an Erie Lackawanna. | ||
| And you would go down there and somebody would jump on the train, break the seal. | ||
| Take the shit off, throw it into the weeds, and then somebody would have to come back with a truck. | ||
| Because in those days, you put those together, they didn't come built. | ||
| The tires were on, the bottom was on, but you got to put the seat on, you got to put the steering wheel on, you got to put all that shit on them. | ||
| It's amazing, dog. | ||
| So we found out when they were coming in, and you take three or four of them, keep one, sell three of them. | ||
| They were 200 retail, so that meant they were probably... | ||
| $85. | ||
| Wasn't that like a big amount of profit for like some organized crime in New York because they could steal things off the docks and then resell them someplace? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| It costs you nothing. | ||
| It costs you nothing. | ||
| You could sell it for whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, you could undercut everybody. | ||
| Why do you think stealing cocaine in the 80s is so popular? | ||
| Because that control the market. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just got 30 kilos that you're gonna pay 44, I'm gonna sell for 32. When was the last time anybody ever offered you to buy something that was stolen? | |
| As soon as I moved to California, it stopped. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| As soon as you moved there. | ||
| Well, you stopped talking to Boonshakalaka. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had two dildos the other day, and I'm like, wow, these are like brand new. | ||
| Is Boonshakalaka or the other guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The homeless guy. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| Remember Boonshakalaka? | ||
| Yeah, but who's the guy with the lighters? | ||
| That's... | ||
| You got another crazy name. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| Goddamn it. | ||
| Is he still around? | ||
| Yeah, I just saw him the other day. | ||
| No, he's not still around. | ||
| Yeah, he hangs out at the Rainbow now, and Mel's. | ||
| But Boonshock had this dildo, and I'm like, wow, this looks brand new. | ||
| And I'm like, but it's not. | ||
| Why am I touching it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Do you remember that Kenison talked about the Roxy way back, or the Rainbow, way back in his fucking HBO special? | ||
| That's how crazy the Rainbow's been. | ||
| Did you see the Sunset Strip movie I told you about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did I tell you about this? | ||
| No. | ||
| Sunset Strip just came out on Showtime On Demand. | ||
| I think you could also get it on iTunes. | ||
| It's a documentary about Sunstrip starting from the beginning, all the way through the Mafia, all the way through Ciro's. | ||
| It goes through into all this shit about the hooker houses that were everywhere. | ||
| I had no idea about, like, there was, like, process... | ||
| Whatever, like houses that rich people would go to and just had tons of hookers in it. | ||
| It talks about everything and you go buy it and you're just like going by these buildings that you go buy every day and you're like, holy shit, that was the hooker house. | ||
| Yeah, it came out in 2012. It's got mad reviews, man. | ||
| Oh, it's got amazing people in it. | ||
| It's got an amazing review online. | ||
| It says, documentary on the famous Los Angeles street. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, it's got five stars or four stars here. | ||
| Yeah, I'm getting that shit tonight. | ||
| Is it available on iTunes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| It's really well done. | ||
| There's a lot of people in it. | ||
| If there is a place in the world that I've ever been to that I feel like is haunted with the memories of the past, not necessarily haunted, but haunted with the memories of the past, it's that area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They talk about that a lot. | ||
| The haunted aspect of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they talk about how it used to be like poppy... | ||
| Not poppy fields. | ||
| Like something weird... | ||
| Before it was Ciro's? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sunset Boulevard. | |
| Famous Boulevard. | ||
| Glorified in movie, song, and story. | ||
| They go through a lot of comedy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From Doheny to Crescent Heights, there's a lot of ghosts. | |
| I believe in sacred places, and I believe that this is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a sacred place. | |
| That strip is like where you leave and where you come back. | ||
| This is where it all started, you know. | ||
| The feeling is still there. | ||
| It's a very, yeah, you can almost taste it. | ||
| It was about titillation and sex. | ||
| Hollywood itself is a magnet. | ||
| It has great feminine appeal, sexual appeal. | ||
| And the strip is kind of the personification of it. | ||
| Your dreams can start out there, and your dream will end there, you know, if you don't watch your shit. | ||
| You will die that night, and it will be because of whatever dream you're chasing. | ||
| He's too talking weird. | ||
| Yeah, he was talking to that other guy, and it was just a weird combo. | ||
| Who was the other guy? | ||
| Johnny Depp? | ||
| No, I think it's that guy that's also a comic. | ||
| Goddamn, this looks amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The excitement that happened in my last opening year could not have happened anyplace ever. | |
| And don't you ever forget it, you fuckers. | ||
| It was so alive. | ||
| Chateau Marmont. | ||
| Viper Room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody would ever come by and be like, you guys can't do that here. | |
| Are you crazy? | ||
| It seems like this is a place where people sort of come for refuge. | ||
| Sunset Strip is a civilization for the brokenhearted, the mistreated, the overlooked, the underloved, and the doomed. | ||
| If you're gonna die, you might as well die here. | ||
| Die in front of all of us. | ||
| Why is that going to make a bone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think he's like the mayor of Sunset Strip or something weird like that. | |
| But why is he... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That looks badass, though. | ||
| Yeah, that looks badass. | ||
| I just realized how fortunate I am to have been able to perform there. | ||
| Like, it just hit me like Jesus. | ||
| You think you'd go back? | ||
| I go to Laugh Factory from time to time. | ||
| Would you go back to the store? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never? | ||
| No. | ||
| What if you guys came with me? | ||
| What the fuck would that do? | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| Are you a ghostbuster? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go to Dom's show on Tuesday. | ||
| Yeah, Dom's show on Tuesday is great. | ||
| Well, he has a fun thing he does. | ||
| It's not just stand-up. | ||
| He fucks around with the crowd a lot. | ||
| He tortures them. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He lets people... | ||
| Well, he's great at that. | ||
| And he does his podcast from there, too, sometimes. | ||
| I did the podcast. | ||
| I did it once with Jamie Masada. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Once! | |
| Once. | ||
| If you guys went back to the comedy store, like, seriously, that would be one of the most amazing things ever. | ||
| Just, like, having, like, the Rogan Diaz Tuesday spot, like, in the main room, sold out every week. | ||
| It's not happening. | ||
| It would be awesome. | ||
| Yeah, but why would we do it there? | ||
| We could do it at the Ice House tomorrow night. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Joey Diaz is doing his podcast there. | ||
| And then, boom, I'm there with Eddie Ift and Brian Callen. | ||
| Tomorrow, 10 p.m. | ||
| Be there, bitches. | ||
| You see, the difference is the energy at the Ice House is all, like, there's a long history of it, and there's also what we bring there. | ||
| And what we've been bringing there, there's plenty of spirits at the Ice House, son. | ||
| This is not negative. | ||
| There's no murdered people. | ||
| There's no, like, holes in the fucking basement covered in cement with... | ||
| Dead people. | ||
| People don't realize we're not exaggerating. | ||
| It was Ciro's nightclub. | ||
| It was owned by Bugsy Siegel. | ||
| Bugsy Siegel, that guy was a gangster. | ||
| That guy had to have killed people. | ||
| That's back when you could just kill people. | ||
| And that dirty, crazy street, that nutty energy that that place has, it only makes sense if people died there. | ||
| The piano player Jeff Scott recently posted on his Facebook the tunnel going underneath the street where they used to take the bodies underneath to where it used to be something else. | ||
| Crest Hill! | ||
| To the house! | ||
| I don't know if it's true, but that was the rumor always. | ||
| In the back of the main room there was a doorway to a tunnel and the tunnel led up the hill. | ||
| To Crest Hill where the mansion was. | ||
| Because the property was sold together. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| But that's like one of those things. | ||
| Like fucking Ichabod Crane. | ||
| Well there is a tunnel. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| There's a lot of shit down there. | ||
| If they have a tunnel, somebody died. | ||
| That's all you need to know. | ||
| There's a lot of shit down there. | ||
| There's a room down there that goes this way. | ||
| And it cuts across and they can keep going to different things. | ||
| There's a lot of shit down there. | ||
| The shooting holes. | ||
| Well one of the ideas in this Questions Everything show was to go and spend the night at a haunted house. | ||
| And I was thinking, there's no better place to stay than the Comedy Store. | ||
| Basement of the Comedy Store, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be terrifying. | ||
| I don't shit my pants. | ||
| Carl DeBeau used to tell a story on stage about how a time where when he was young, we'll have him come in here and tell it someday. | ||
| When he was young, he was staying at the store. | ||
| And he's at the store, like, his wife kicked him out or something like that. | ||
| And he was forced to stay at the store. | ||
| So he was sleeping on the stage. | ||
| He's like, I'm here to make my dreams happen, man. | ||
| I'm not letting some shit get in my way. | ||
| So I'm just gonna lie down here. | ||
| And he said he was lying down. | ||
| He told it on stage. | ||
| It was like a Halloween show we had in the main room. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| And so I'm on stage. | ||
| And I hear clink, clink, clink. | ||
| Like there's chairs moving. | ||
| It is pitch black. | ||
| And I'm like, hey! | ||
| Hey, it's me Carl! | ||
| You know, I had nowhere else to stay. | ||
| Silence. | ||
| This is when he was a doorman back then. | ||
| You know, like right before Kennison had even made it. | ||
| And he said he heard another clink clink, like he heard another chair. | ||
| And they said, and then out of nowhere, two hands grabbed his legs and dragged him to the edge of the stairs. | ||
| And he said there was no one there. | ||
| He said he didn't see anything. | ||
| By the time he got up, he scrambled, the person, whatever it was, just disappeared. | ||
| And he said he freaked out and ran out of there. | ||
| It's a great story. | ||
| It could have easily been Booth and Shakalaka. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw Kenneth in there. | |
| I saw Kenneth in there one night. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| I saw Kenneth in there one night. | ||
| You saw him perform there? | ||
| No, I saw him by the belly room going up the stairs one night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| You saw a ghost? | ||
| You're shaking your head yes. | ||
| Did it come out of a pussy? | ||
| No, I was sitting there watching. | ||
| I was up next. | ||
| I was up next to the other two and I was standing by that thing there. | ||
| And I kept seeing there's a light on the top of the belly room. | ||
| There's a big red light, dog. | ||
| And you're still watching the comic. | ||
| And I had like two away. | ||
| So it was that comic and one more before me. | ||
| I was watching, waiting, killing time, and I kept seeing something keep going past my eye. | ||
| You see the light. | ||
| How many days did you be awake? | ||
| I didn't do blow on stage. | ||
| I didn't blow when I got off stage. | ||
| And I'm sitting there going, what the fuck is this light? | ||
| And finally I look up. | ||
| You know how he wore that stupid long jacket? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like I saw the tail end of the jacket. | ||
| I went upstairs. | ||
| There was nobody up there, dawg. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| I saw it with my own two fucking eyes. | ||
| I never felt nobody. | ||
| I never got chased. | ||
| Nobody pulled me. | ||
| Dice has a story where he was upstairs and they heard them banging on the door. | ||
| Crazy Corey Cuomo has a story where she heard music in the fucking main room, like old band music, like the Titanic type music. | ||
| Who was the older guy that was a veteran? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brett something right now? | |
| A lot of people heard different things there. | ||
| I never got touched or pulled. | ||
| I know that the original room has a weird energy. | ||
| And you're right. | ||
| The Sunset's trip does have something special. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| There's something that points at that comedy store. | ||
| The big mistake they're going to do is they're going to knock that down and build something over it. | ||
| And it's gonna be like a Carrie movie. | ||
| The hands are gonna come out of the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| I mean, that's the truth, guys. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| Somebody committed suicide there. | ||
| People gave their lives there. | ||
| How many people died and didn't make it as comics? | ||
| And I'm fucking sure it's haunted. | ||
| How about the guy who jumped off the roof? | ||
| Sure, that fucking place is haunted. | ||
| Remember they had the strike? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, sure it's haunted. | ||
| You know that building in Gardner, all those buildings. | ||
| People on those buildings, bro. | ||
| People that are straight, legit people say, this block is haunted on Gardner, behind El Compadre. | ||
| Yeah, no doubt. | ||
| All those buildings there, they're haunted. | ||
| How many people kill themselves in those buildings coming out here? | ||
| Look at this fucking young kid that iced himself last week from a Disney show. | ||
| 29 years old, he's on fucking Rizzouli and Isles. | ||
| A fucking black kid, 29 years old, with a shotgun. | ||
| I go to do the podcast with Lee, I go to make a right and there's cops all over my fucking corner. | ||
| He lives in that fucking building there. | ||
| What possesses people? | ||
| He wasn't on drugs, that kid. | ||
| I used to go down to one-hop condo with that kid. | ||
| What possesses people to do that shit? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| That's Hollywood. | ||
| That's Hollywood. | ||
| You know, Judy Canciotti's back. | ||
| She's at the Ha Ha Cafe. | ||
| Why would Judy Canciotti try to make a comeback? | ||
| She's going to sue you. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| She sued Don Barris? | ||
| Dude, I just saw her and Don Barris in a fight that lasted like 30 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| Screaming and yelling. | ||
| These people come out here and they get crazy, man. | ||
| You know, I'm very happy. | ||
| I was talking to a Graham Elwood call to invite us to the podcast convention. | ||
| And I go, Graham, do you know that me and you were the same manager in 2000? | ||
| We're still here. | ||
| Whether we're fucking rich or successful or we're on a TV show, we're still here. | ||
| No car crashes. | ||
| We haven't OD'd. | ||
| We're here. | ||
| How fucking lucky are we, dawg? | ||
| We're very lucky to have gone through what we've gone through. | ||
| At the store and having a great time in the comedy that I just saw that I had goosebumps. | ||
| I'm a fucking fat ex-felon from North Bergen, New Jersey. | ||
| I was at the comedy store doing blow, developing, getting better, seeing the fucking world, walking to the store, walking from the union on Tuesday night to the store, and walking back to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| Remember we used to walk to the standard all the time? | ||
| To the standard. | ||
| Eat the blue cheeseburgers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking delicious. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| The place is incredible. | ||
| I remember that fucking idiot that sold the lighters. | ||
| The first weekend. | ||
| That's the guy, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the first weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Monkey balls. | |
| Monkey balls. | ||
| The first Monday I was ever here, I walked into the fucking comedy store in Don Paris. | ||
| Put me on stage. | ||
| Thank God I knew Eddie Griffin. | ||
| He put me on a Monday night. | ||
| Don Barrett still had the shorts on, still had the balloons on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And the next day they told me to go to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| That's where you went on Tuesdays. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you stood on line all day and you did three minutes. | ||
| And I stood on line all day. | ||
| Guess who was on line with me all day? | ||
| Monkey Balls. | ||
| And he knew the whole history of comedy in L.A. Who you had to sign with, who was going to see you. | ||
| I thought this guy was a master comic. | ||
| And he went on stage and he lost his voice. | ||
| I never laughed so hard in all my life. | ||
| He went up there and all day he's talking, telling stories. | ||
| Now he's like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, dying. | ||
| That was monkey balls. | ||
| Then he became a lighter salesman and rings and wheels beat him. | ||
| Yeah, he always had those lighters with titties in them. | ||
| He was Brian Callen and Don Barris. | ||
| Yeah, Brian Callen and Don Barris have this thing where Don Barris pretends to bang Brian Callen in his booty hole... | ||
| He gets his pants down and everything. | ||
| And they have this thing. | ||
| They act it out. | ||
| And it's so realistic. | ||
| He presses Cal's mouth against his cock. | ||
| He makes it like he's pulling his cock out and jerks off on him and finishes it. | ||
| And it's made extra special by the fact that Don Barris, without wearing a costume, is doing this in a jumpsuit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He wears a track suit naturally. | ||
| It's not like he dressed up for this role where he could pull his cock out really easy. | ||
| No, it's a part of his thing. | ||
| And on top of that, Don Barris is rumored to have a cock the size of your arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's huge! | |
| That's what I understand. | ||
| That's the room. | ||
| Every time he's been about to pull it out on stage, I get out of the room. | ||
| I don't want to get depressed. | ||
| That's the one thing, man. | ||
| I mean, if you don't have a giant dick and another guy has a giant dick, you're like, whoa! | ||
| Well, what the hell? | ||
| I mean, you could always get rich, you know? | ||
| Make enough money, you could buy a nice house, too. | ||
| But if a guy's got a giant dick, he's got a giant dick. | ||
| He's got a... | ||
| I forget, it was like a year ago or something like that, he had a boner for some reason, and he wanted to show a girl in the audience, and he was just outlining it with his hand, like, look how big this is, honey. | ||
| It's like a 12-inch dick, right? | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| It's a giant, fat dick. | ||
| It's not a skinny 12 inches either. | ||
| It's not like one of those white guys in the movies where it's long, but you're like, yeah, but it's tapered. | ||
| The end of it is small. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| There's some long dicks that aren't impressive. | ||
| Don Barris is a dick. | ||
| It looks like a big German dick. | ||
| You know, like a big Austrian dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which you'd imagine some fucking hiker would have. | ||
| Joey Dan's done. | ||
| He's thinking about dicks. | ||
| He's shaking his head like, yeah, yeah, I understand. | ||
| I understand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a big dick too, cocksucker. | |
| I need this shit. | ||
| We don't need this shit. | ||
| If anybody needs this shit, listen, is there any more tickets to you Wednesday night at the Ice House? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There are. | ||
| 626-577-1890, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| So Joey is at the Ice House, 8 o'clock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
8.30, 8.30. | |
| And then you come out at 10. Stick around, man. | ||
| Do a spot. | ||
| Do a spot next door. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's not going to. | |
| He's not going to do two shows in the night. | ||
| It's most likely not happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to go home. | |
| I'm going to go home. | ||
| Oh, Carlos Conduit tomorrow night. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, tomorrow night. | ||
| Martin Campman versus Carlos Conduit. | ||
| And Dos Anjos against Cowboy Cerrone. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| So there's a great fucking card tomorrow night. | ||
| Then we're going to Milwaukee. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We've got a great show at the Pabst. | ||
| There's only 100 tickets left. | ||
| It's going to rock. | ||
| Last time we had six circles of people smoking reefer, bazookas, eating edibles. | ||
| Somebody made a trade. | ||
| Black security was going to fucking take Rogan home. | ||
| They were hugging him and shit. | ||
| Oh, they were the nicest people ever. | ||
| The nicest fucking people ever. | ||
| Those girls, they took care of me. | ||
| We made a video of it. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm looking forward to going to Milwaukee. | ||
| Thank you for coming out. | ||
| We're going to have a fucking blast, cocksuckers. | ||
| We're going to have a great time. | ||
| But I'm going to Gotham on Friday the 13th, Joe Rogan. | ||
| So you're going to have to open. | ||
| Don't think that we don't appreciate the fuck out of you guys. | ||
| That's right, we do. | ||
| We talk about it all the time. | ||
| We know that we're incredibly lucky. | ||
| We're in this weird situation where we have the nicest... | ||
| I don't even want to call them fans. | ||
| The people that come out to these shows, they're the nicest people. | ||
| Period. | ||
| Just humans. | ||
| Family. | ||
| The atmosphere is just cool as fuck. | ||
| After the shows, there's a few people that get real nervous and their hands get sweaty. | ||
| They're strange. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| Just put deodorant on. | ||
| Don't be hugging me. | ||
| With a fucking stink bomb under your shirt. | ||
| How many times, though, when you take pictures of dudes, they're just completely sweaty? | ||
| I'm sweaty, too, so I don't give a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I tell them. | |
| When women touch me, I get all nervous. | ||
| I tell them, please don't touch me because I'm sweaty. | ||
| And they don't give a fuck, so fuck them. | ||
| They want to touch you. | ||
| And you go home and take the shirt off and put it on the couch. | ||
| The next day, just take a whiff of it. | ||
| It smells like fucking the chick with the ghost in the snatch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| Yeah, this is the chicks that took care of us last time. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is going to be bossing. | ||
| Milwaukee don't fucking sleep on it. | ||
| We kept the line going. | ||
| They kept everybody in line. | ||
| Because we've been coming after shows. | ||
| We'll meet people. | ||
| And we've been doing it forever. | ||
| Like, I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know how it started. | ||
| How it started where we just hang around after shows. | ||
| But it was a long-ass time ago. | ||
| It don't matter. | ||
| As long as they come and we hang out afterwards, that's all. | ||
| It makes me happy. | ||
| Well, you know what we decided? | ||
| And we even talked about it. | ||
| We decided that even if we want to leave, it's way better for them if they get to hang out and take a picture with us and get to meet us. | ||
| It's a better experience. | ||
| So it's part of the experience. | ||
| They go to the show, they have a good time, and then afterwards... | ||
| We'll hang around with them and talk to them and take photos with them. | ||
| So it's not just... | ||
| We're not just doing a comedy show and then getting the fuck out of there. | ||
| We appreciate you guys coming as well. | ||
| And then when I walk into the UFC, people start yelling, DN! And you're like, hi. | ||
| You're like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Come on, you motherfucker! | ||
| Those people at the UFC are crazy. | ||
| Sometimes I have to leave. | ||
| I do interviews afterwards and they're screaming, stay! | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| They're dragging me out of here. | ||
| They'll keep you there forever. | ||
| They bribe the security and let them get up front. | ||
| Oh no, it's great, man. | ||
| I love every fucking minute. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Well, the UFC, too, they give a lot of access to fans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the way it's supposed to be. | |
| With those fan expos and Q&As. | ||
| Hey, man, that's the way it's supposed to be. | ||
| It is the way it's supposed to be. | ||
| And now other leagues are learning from Dana White. | ||
| That's what you've got to do to be successful. | ||
| People want the full experience. | ||
| People will pay to get fucking armbarred by Chuck Liddell. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| So would I. Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, if you're a fan. | ||
| If you're a fan, you go to the Fan Expo, learn how to roll. | ||
| I don't care whether you're a white belt or a brown belt, they're not going to kill you. | ||
| You're going to get one great thing out of it and a picture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A memory for life. | ||
| I can never do that. | ||
| You know, I went to, like, Willis Reed's basketball camp. | ||
| There was no pictures then. | ||
| You didn't take a picture with nobody. | ||
| It was all from memory. | ||
| He signed the T-shirt. | ||
| Big fucking deal. | ||
| Carlos Kahn had a great video of him sparring with guys, like rolling with guys. | ||
| He went to an army base. | ||
| Rich Franco's done it too. | ||
| They'll go and they'll roll with people. | ||
| Benson Henderson's done it a bunch of times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hannah Gracie did it too. | ||
| They go, and they'll go to a base. | ||
| Ooh, that's right. | ||
| Frank Mir against Babyface Assassin. | ||
| Who else is on this card? | ||
| Is that Milwaukee? | ||
| Yeah, we got a great card. | ||
| We got my man, motherfucking Clay Guida, against who the fuck is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Ooh, the Spanish kid. | ||
| The one that lost to Aldo in Brazil. | ||
| He's part of Team Alpha Male. | ||
| Dwayne Bang trains him. | ||
| Um, which one? | ||
| Little kid, little kid, little kid. | ||
| He lost to Jose Aldo, the knee to the face. | ||
| Oh, Chad Mendes? | ||
| Chad Mendes is fighting Clay Guida. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, so Clay Guida's fighting 45. Yeah, he's fighting Chad Mendes. | |
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| We got some good fucking fights this week. | ||
| Yeah, I'll read the card off to you right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Give me the undercard, baby. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| Okay, here we got. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| We got a lot of shit. | ||
| Brandon Varrow versus Ben Rothwell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn! | |
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's a crazy fight, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I forgot about that one. | ||
| Eric Koch versus Dustin Poirier. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Barnett versus Mir. | ||
| Clay Guida versus Chad Mendes. | ||
| Jamie Varner versus Glazen Tebow. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| This is a great fucking card. | ||
| It's a great fucking card, man. | ||
| And then, of course, the title fight. | ||
| Benson Henderson versus Anthony Pettis, that is fucking nuts. | ||
| Rufus will be there Friday jumping up and down and shit, throwing sidekicks for Jesus. | ||
| That's an amazing fight, man. | ||
| Henderson versus Anthony Pettis is going to be fucking insanity. | ||
| You know, Pettis has a 56% KO rate? | ||
| 56%. | ||
| That motherfucker's a beast. | ||
| I forgot he fucked up Joe Loza. | ||
| Yeah, dude, with a head kick. | ||
| How about Donald Cerrone? | ||
| He fucked him up with a body kick. | ||
| His left leg is nasty, man. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Remember when he hit Cerrone with that crazy knee too, the Showtime knee? | ||
| He bounces off the cage and pops his knee through a small opening and catches him in the face. | ||
| That kid's wild, man. | ||
| And so is Henderson. | ||
| Henderson's a fucking beast. | ||
| He's only gotten better since he won the title. | ||
| It's only gotten better since he lost the title to Pettis. | ||
| It's an amazing fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's confident. | |
| He's a different fighter than when he lost to Pettis, bro. | ||
| This is going to be an amazing fight, man. | ||
| This is going to be a great week. | ||
| This is going to be amazing. | ||
| I'm fucking excited. | ||
| Yeah, this is a sick card, sick weekend. | ||
| So we'll see you guys at the Pabst Theater and we'll see you tomorrow night at the Ice House and also tomorrow we're going to have a podcast here with the one and only Everlast. | ||
| And Everlast has released a new... | ||
| He released a new... | ||
| Acoustic-only CD. And he got the idea from doing it from performing on podcasts, from getting on our podcasts and doing it for the first time. | ||
| Performing, you know, acoustic like that and getting this massive reaction. | ||
| So all the love is what inspired him. | ||
| He actually pulled me, last time he was here, he pulled me into the car and goes, Brian, I need something to tell you something. | ||
| And he showed me, because supposedly, I hope it's still on there, but he said, we talked about, I said that you should do like a That one song, Jump Up and Go Down. | ||
| He used to do an acoustic version of that. | ||
| He's like, no, I hate those songs. | ||
| But he played it for me in his car, and he's like, how is this? | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was awesome. | |
| Are you allowed to say that? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's out now, right? | ||
| No, I think it is out. | ||
| I think it's out right now. | ||
| I think it came out today. | ||
| I think it's out Tuesday. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be sick. | ||
| I like him acoustically even better than House of Pain. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And I think House of Pain is amazing. | ||
| What is that song, Little Miss America? | ||
| Yeah, Miss America. | ||
| God damn, that's a good fucking song. | ||
| And ever since what it's like, people caught his acoustic shit is way deeper. | ||
| It's way more emotional and touching. | ||
| Jump Around is always going to be like an anthem. | ||
| It's always going to be a cool song to hear. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| The version he played it for me. | ||
| Can I pump my dates? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe September 26th at Stand Up Live at Phoenix, Arizona. | ||
| And the following day, I'm going to Ohio, Columbus, Ohio at Woodland's Backyard with Tom Segura, Christina Pajitzky, and Tony and me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| We'll see Dirty Freaks tomorrow. | ||
| And may Odin bless you all. | ||
| We love the shit out of you. | ||
| See you soon. | ||
| Sponsors, they can go fuck themselves. | ||
| They know who they are. | ||
| Listen, stamps.com. | ||
| Enter in the code word J-R-E. Go to onnit.com. | ||
| Use the code word Rogan. | ||
| Audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| We love the fuck out of you guys. |
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