Nov. 22, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:49:31
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Are we live? | ||
| Thank you, sweet Jesus. | ||
| Are we live, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| This is real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Powerful Greg Proops. | ||
| Thanks for doing this, man. | ||
| Really appreciate it. | ||
| It's a pleasure, Joe. | ||
| Pleasure to see you, sir. | ||
| Before we do this, our podcast is sponsored by Onnit.com. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T. This is a short podcast. | ||
| I'll keep this brief as fuck. | ||
| Go get yourself some Alpha Brain Sum. | ||
| Go get yourself some brain vitamins and some shroom tech for your endurance, which mine sucks right now. | ||
| It's fucking depressing. | ||
| I'm bringing a care package on it to Mike Maxwell in San Diego tonight. | ||
| Nice! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He drew a picture of me. | |
| Look at this, dude. | ||
| Look at this shirt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Mike Maxwell's shirt. | |
| This is the new Higher Primate design that Mike Maxwell did. | ||
| It's fucking wicked. | ||
| I'm addicted to his artwork. | ||
| He's a very good artist. | ||
| And he's a very cool guy, too. | ||
| He's gone with us on the road. | ||
| That's you, you freak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that crazy? | |
| Yeah, he's really good. | ||
| And again, like I said, a great guy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, good. | ||
| Get him some alpha brain. | ||
| All that good shit. | ||
| Whatever you do with your health, the most important thing is your diet. | ||
| It sounds silly to preach that because everybody sort of should know it at this stage of life. | ||
| But eating healthy food will make a huge impact on the way your body feels. | ||
| It's just a fact. | ||
| We take it for granted because other food is delicious. | ||
| Kentucky Fried Chicken fucking tastes awesome. | ||
| But it's not that good for you. | ||
| And if you eat healthy, and especially if you supplement nutrients along with eating healthy, your body will work better. | ||
| Your brain will work better. | ||
| It's a fact. | ||
| There's science behind it, and the science behind Alpha Brain is isolating all the nutrients that are responsible for cognitive function. | ||
| All of the nutrients that stimulate your brain's production of all the good shit that it needs to think good. | ||
| In scientific terms. | ||
| All of it is explained at Onnit.com. | ||
| Your first 30 pills that you buy, there's a 100% money-back guarantee. | ||
| You don't have to even return the product. | ||
| You just say, this shit didn't do anything for me. | ||
| No one's trying to rip you off. | ||
| We're just trying to sell you the best vitamins and nutrients and exercise equipment and everything we're selling. | ||
| We're just trying to find the best shit you can get. | ||
| We have the best blenders, Blendtec blenders. | ||
| For blending like kale shakes and stuff like that. | ||
| And we sell them for $200 less than the manufactured retail suggested price. | ||
| We try to make everything as fair as possible. | ||
| All the shit we're selling you is just the best shit possible. | ||
| At the most reasonable prices possible. | ||
| This... | ||
| Supplement company is partially owned by me, so it's very important to me, anything that we get involved with, whether it's Onnit or Ting or whether it's Audible.com, it's all products that we believe in. | ||
| And if you go to Onnit.com and use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements for men. | ||
| Alright, I'm done. | ||
| It's not supplements for men either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That doesn't even make any sense. | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day! | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night! | ||
| All day! | ||
| Powerful Greg Proops. | ||
| Dude, great to see you, man. | ||
| Thank you very much for coming down and doing this. | ||
| Awesome to be here, Joe. | ||
| You said the Dickens before? | ||
| You're the only person I even know. | ||
| That can say the Dickens, and it sounds perfect. | ||
| It fit right in there. | ||
| It meant to be said that way. | ||
| The Dickens. | ||
| I'm as loud as the Dickens. | ||
| Nobody uses the Dickens anymore, and it's quite a good one. | ||
| It's got dick in it, which makes it king right off the tip. | ||
| And you can sneak dick in. | ||
| Exactly, dude. | ||
| It's like showing bunt and swinging away as Dickens, because it comes back on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| If you said... | ||
| If you say to someone, you know, loud as the dickens, they can't say anything. | ||
| Like, you'd say that to your grandmother. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Children. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You little dickens. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's weird that certain sounds that are, like, super offensive, and if you sneak one out. | ||
| I mean, we still agree to that. | ||
| Oh yeah, we do. | ||
| It's so preposterous. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| It's so fucking silly. | ||
| And why grant words that much dominion over your emotions and stuff? | ||
| Like, just the trigger of a sound is enough to make you fucking lose your shit and protest or write a letter. | ||
| Yeah, it's like we're almost agreeing that... | ||
| The heights that you could reach at your worst, at your nastiest, the way you feel about someone, is not really reached with regular language. | ||
| We have to reserve those extreme moments for one extreme word. | ||
| And if we don't do that, we're never going to adequately portray how fucking mad we are. | ||
| True. | ||
| So if you use it too much, I guess that's what's going on. | ||
| I'm guilty of that, as much as any other comic. | ||
| I'm profane, and I will say fuck too many times. | ||
| Especially, though, during the setting of a nightclub comedy act. | ||
| That's when you're having a few drinks, you're unwinding, and you're like, fuck this, man. | ||
| That's where it's supposed to come out. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| I had to do a classy gig in Chicago a couple years ago. | ||
| I was playing at Disney's, and they go, do you want to do this Chicago theater gig? | ||
| You know, the Trib puts it on. | ||
| Stedman's going to be there. | ||
| And what's his name from Sticks? | ||
| You know, fucking Dennis, right? | ||
| From Sticks? | ||
| I don't know if you know Sticks, but you remember Sticks, right? | ||
| Yeah, I do remember them. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| And then they did... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lady, when you're with me. | |
| So, Styx. | ||
| The dude shows up from Styx. | ||
| He used the word preposterous a minute ago. | ||
| He had a preposterous wife. | ||
| His wife was wearing bubblegum pink and had a funny Penelope Pitstop hairdo and giant lips and earrings and was like a delightful cartoon of what a rock star's wife would be in a comic book. | ||
| Like in a picture, in a cartoon. | ||
| He was cool. | ||
| He looked good. | ||
| I would get in there to do it, and I'm being interviewed by the theater critic from the Tribune, right? | ||
| As an artist, right? | ||
| Because they're, you know, let's do a newspaper then. | ||
| So, you know, Joe Rogan, let's talk about your acting. | ||
| You know, it's that. | ||
| And it's polite company. | ||
| And then I have to do five. | ||
| And I realize, as I look through my act frantically outside, I... And profane in every setup. | ||
| I'm going to have to calculatedly think and work really hard to remove the profane from every single line. | ||
| And then, of course, I did it, and I don't think I slipped, but I did a joke about Obama or something, and they were a little more rich than that at one point. | ||
| And I went, that joke's really funny if you're blue-collar. | ||
| And then they laughed at that, the acknowledgement to that. | ||
| That's gotta suck, man, that feeling. | ||
| Well, there was a nice crowd, and I thought, I'm an intelligent act. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Why can't I lay five minutes of philosophy on these fuckers? | ||
| Instead, I, oh shit. | ||
| You know when you go to the fucking thing, you know, like you think, really? | ||
| That's, you know, yes, because I'm playing a club. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you're... | ||
| Well, that's why I can't do anything other than the stand-up. | ||
| Like, I won't do stand-up in any other form. | ||
| I don't want to do it on a talk show. | ||
| I don't want to do it... | ||
| It just doesn't seem like that... | ||
| Although I appreciate there's a different art form to crafting a really nice seven-minute set for, like, a Tonight Show set or something like that. | ||
| I mean, I know a lot of guys who are awesome at that. | ||
| For me, I can't... | ||
| It doesn't represent me. | ||
| It doesn't represent... | ||
| I think it's fantastic that you have that point of view. | ||
| I've done them over the years, and it's never the best way I'm on TV. Yeah. | ||
| For four minutes, I think I'm perplexing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Well, I think it's an awesome opportunity for comics to get seen, and for the longest time, it was, like, the best one. | ||
| Like, if you could get on Carson, you know, and Carson have you come down, sit next to him on the couch, like, you were a fucking winner, man. | ||
| And you could pack comedy clubs from that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, but this is sort of a different time, and now it's a very limiting thing, and it seems silly. | ||
| The whole pageantry of it seems silly. | ||
| The band playing when people walk out and sit down. | ||
| And this weird conversation in front of people. | ||
| I mean, I enjoy doing them, but they're an odd art form. | ||
| There's an odd fakery weirdness to the whole thing that's not necessary anymore. | ||
| Well, there's almost a 50s-ness about it. | ||
| It's one of the first TV shows, you know? | ||
| Because I don't know that there were lots of famous chat shows on the radio. | ||
| There was lots of famous variety shows and every other kind of show, but I don't remember hearing about ones where people sat around and talked. | ||
| It seems to be a function of television. | ||
| Because it's so cool, as they say, right? | ||
| That because you're kicked back and detached and watching it, you can sit and watch people just go, blah, blah, blah, my book. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah. | ||
| We shot a movie in Ireland. | ||
| It was really hard. | ||
| And that's entertainment. | ||
| But it has been... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would say Steve Allen kind of pioneered making it a thing on TV, that exact format with the band and comics and sketches. | ||
| And they've just stuck to it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's variations within a theme. | ||
| Everybody's done one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you say, it's funny. | ||
| In your show, when you come on, maybe there's music, a song you like or whatever. | ||
| We have theme songs for our shows on the podcast. | ||
| But when you come on on TV and they play a little... | ||
| Joe Rogan! | ||
| He's going to be playing Tuskies in Omaha. | ||
| You're like, really? | ||
| This is big. | ||
| I should have shined my shoes. | ||
| Yeah, what is that hokey fake thing that we do with that? | ||
| The hokey fake thing political guys do when they give speeches? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're like fake. | ||
| I love that, though. | ||
| The whole pageantry of it all. | ||
| That's really old. | ||
| To me, the hokey fake thing of political speeches, now you're going back to the dawn of man, right? | ||
| The first person that got up in front of everybody and went, all right, all right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's been a craft for so long, and it's been refined in so many cultures that the idea of putting forth this... | ||
| I got the word sophistry thrown at me yesterday. | ||
| I don't kick it around much. | ||
| Well, what is that word? | ||
| It means a false philosophy using big words. | ||
| Like, I'll throw an idea at you and back it up with a bunch of shit, but it's not true at all. | ||
| That's my whole life. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The guy tweeted me and said, because I do definitions on my show, like, lately I've been doing political ones like democracy and, you know, Like, let's talk about feminism, things like that. | ||
| Like, people say it a lot, you hear it a lot, but not everybody knows what it actually, the dictionary definition, like, where we're supposed to start with it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, he wrote, how about sophistry? | ||
| And I wrote back, what are you implying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right? | ||
| Because I looked it up and went, you fucking dick. | ||
| Don't shoot one in my heart. | ||
| That's a brutal one. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| That's a clever person. | ||
| You can run into those clever fellows online. | ||
| And they're always waiting out there for you. | ||
| I get emails. | ||
| I make mistakes in my show, right? | ||
| And I read the corrections people send me. | ||
| I called Genghis Khan Genghis Khan because I'd read this book where it said it was kind of pronounced like that. | ||
| And a dude wrote me who had lived in Mongolia. | ||
| And he broke it down and gave me the syllable by syllable. | ||
| It's like Chinggis Khan or whatever. | ||
| Oh, he said it's more complicated. | ||
| But like Ching as in like, you know, ka-ching. | ||
| You know, like he broke the hole. | ||
| And then like, yeah, I lived in Ulaanbaatar. | ||
| I taught French to the, you know, or whatever, like... | ||
| So you never get away with anything. | ||
| Unless they've come up with some wild fantasy that they've committed to an email. | ||
| It doesn't seem like people would. | ||
| I trust that most people are telling me that. | ||
| Yeah, I've always been fascinated by the noises that people make in their languages. | ||
| Like something like that. | ||
| That can be a word. | ||
| It's so alien from the English way of styling words. | ||
| It's so strange that there's so many varieties all over the planet. | ||
| That's a really psychedelic thing. | ||
| When you're in another country and you're around a bunch of people and they're saying things and you don't understand. | ||
| Like Japan. | ||
| Japan was very psychedelic. | ||
| Because you're just in your other all the time. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| And you don't know the key because you don't even understand one sentence. | ||
| You don't know anything about their culture either. | ||
| Their culture is completely different than ours. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Things that we accept, they don't. | ||
| It's very odd walking amongst them. | ||
| It was really strange. | ||
| It was like, that's a truly different culture that just sort of evolved over there. | ||
| Do you think it's an island thing? | ||
| I mean, certainly could have been. | ||
| But they're starting to figure out now that there was so much travel that even Neanderthals were using boats and that they might have even been using boats before people, before Homo sapiens. | ||
| I subscribe to that and I will further that theory and say that I think that all the preconceived notions about people not intermingling with each other and meeting each other are nonsense and that people did it since people could make a boat, basically. | ||
| And that the coastlines of all the continents have... | ||
| Risen. | ||
| They were lower tens of thousands of years ago, and people lived in those places, and those places are covered with water, so we cannot find all the stuff that was there. | ||
| I know it's sounding like a kook, but I mean... | ||
| It's not kooky at all. | ||
| Remember Contiki and all that, where they took the boat from Africa to South America to prove you could do it? | ||
| They made a reed boat in Egypt, and Thor Heydall sailed it to South America. | ||
| They did it a few times. | ||
| But when you think about... | ||
| Even the Conquistadors or whatever. | ||
| Those little caravels they're in or whatever are not that seaworthy. | ||
| And in about three or four weeks, they would make it. | ||
| And then they'd kind of, you know, get in. | ||
| And you think, if they did it, everybody did it. | ||
| The Polynesians went all the way up, right? | ||
| To Hawaii. | ||
| To Hawaii, which is not near anything. | ||
| But trade winds blow to it, right? | ||
| So they took the trade wind in, and they gathered water on sails, right? | ||
| At night, with a gourd underneath. | ||
| It dripped down. | ||
| That's how they got their water? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| On the road. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And they brought pigs and whatnot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| On giant catamarans. | ||
| What a fucking crazy experience that must have been. | ||
| Those people had balls. | ||
| You want to talk about balls. | ||
| Dude, you lost a lot of people on the way. | ||
| It took a while to get that established. | ||
| Yeah, you couldn't just get that the first shot. | ||
| You're going to fuck that up. | ||
| Someone's going to die of thirst the first time, or their son's going to kill them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| The shark eats them, or the boat tips over, or there's a squall. | ||
| Because it's the South... | ||
| It's the Pacific. | ||
| The South Pacific, man. | ||
| It's the squalliest, stormiest, fucking... | ||
| Yeah, I've seen some fucking crazy storms in Hawaii. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, they're... | ||
| Because, you know, I was in New Zealand, and the Maoris came down there and wiped out whatever was there before them in the Middle Ages, and then the white people came after them. | ||
| But they traveled extensively. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| And Polynesians got around town. | ||
| They're like all up and down. | ||
| Yeah, they were crazy, loked out people that would make boats out of trees. | ||
| Just chop a fucking tree down, hollow that bitch out. | ||
| Navigating. | ||
| They knew the currents. | ||
| They knew they could read The breeze, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking nuts, man. | ||
| How the air tasted. | ||
| They must have had to have passed that shit down from generation to generation, too. | ||
| It's extraordinary. | ||
| No one talks about that. | ||
| People talk about the explorers exploring, which is extraordinary. | ||
| But the people who settled Hawaii or any of those far-flung places like that... | ||
| What is an undertaking? | ||
| Yeah, what fucking badasses. | ||
| What fucking incredible badasses. | ||
| That's why Hawaiians are so tough. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| Like, Hawaii is one of the last places where people have, like, regular street fights. | ||
| They film them all the time in Hawaii. | ||
| You see fights in a restaurant. | ||
| You'll be sitting and two guys are like, hey, you want to mix? | ||
| They're aggressive, man. | ||
| They're aggressive. | ||
| You have to be to get in a fucking boat and row out to the middle of the ocean hoping you're going to find something. | ||
| Those are the most loked out people alive. | ||
| With your little idol on your deck singing songs and shit. | ||
| Paddling. | ||
| Fucking casting for fish, right? | ||
| Trying to catch fish as you go to the ocean. | ||
| Fucking hoping the water holds out where you find a fucking island. | ||
| And there's no islands between Hawaii and anything. | ||
| It's about, what, 2,500 miles from the nearest landmass? | ||
| 2,500 miles going how fast, too? | ||
| How fast can you even go? | ||
| You better catch the fucking wind and you better have it at your back. | ||
| You're just sort of floating around out there. | ||
| You're not really going to get any good pace going. | ||
| How long does it take to get a sailboat across the... | ||
| Like, the modern sailboats, they can do it fairly quickly. | ||
| Well, I'm reading this Columbus book to be the complete bore about it. | ||
| And they said he got over in four weeks on the last one, on the fourth journey, in like 1502, whatever. | ||
| Four weeks? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| In a Carabelle. | ||
| Four Carabelles. | ||
| And he... | ||
| The author says, a sailor today would be hard-pressed to make that kind of time. | ||
| He's made time because that thing they said about Columbus for all of his shortcomings and his ego, he could dead reckon nobody in the business. | ||
| He didn't use instruments. | ||
| Instruments, according to this author, fucked him up. | ||
| He'd take out the section and he couldn't do a good reading. | ||
| Then he'd go north by north. | ||
| And they'd fucking... | ||
| You know, like, he was that navigator. | ||
| He found thousands of islands in the Caribbean. | ||
| Like, he found every island in the Caribbean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yes, just by fucking sailing every night to a different place. | ||
| Like, he was that. | ||
| How much do we know about the accuracy of the horrible things that were said about him? | ||
| Like, the most recent stuff. | ||
| Like, when we were in high school, we never really heard anything bad about Columbus or his missions. | ||
| But then... | ||
| When I was in college, I had heard something about bashing babies and killing babies and all the different things that they did to the Native Americans. | ||
| They definitely burned people and hung them and stuff and cut their nose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
After you fucked them, you didn't want to see them around anymore. | |
| Well, there's that. | ||
| They certainly did that. | ||
| There's certainly that. | ||
| Within a couple generations, they'd killed every Indian in the Caribbean. | ||
| There are no Indians in the Caribbean. | ||
| Like they were in South America and Central America. | ||
| They just showed up and just started ganking people. | ||
| I mean, what happened? | ||
| Did they find conflict with the Native Americans? | ||
| He was not a great administrator and he was not a great empathetic reader of people. | ||
| Like his skill was that he had unshakable faith in his mission, right? | ||
| But everywhere he ran into with the Indians and stuff, he was contrary, right? | ||
| Sometimes he was beneficent and gave them gifts. | ||
| Other times, all right, everybody bring me gold, and everybody has to wear a necklace to say they brought me the gold. | ||
| And you have to bring this much a month, or I'm going to fucking beat you and make you a slave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And he did that to a whole island of people. | ||
| And then 50,000 Indians by some count, historical count, committed suicide rather than be under the Spaniards' dominion. | ||
| And this is before there's even colonies. | ||
| There's like his colonies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
50,000? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| 50,000? | ||
| This is the beginning of it all. | ||
| And then they were sending them back to slaves. | ||
| I mean, imagine, though, the high point of his life is obviously after the first one, they were about to mutiny, right? | ||
| And they saw it in the night, and he was a dick. | ||
| A sailor on one of the other vessels saw it first, and he claimed he saw the light at the same time. | ||
| There was a light on an island, and they'd been at sea for like three or four weeks, and the guys were kind of flipping out because no one had ever been over the edge of the world, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're the first boats that went over the edge of the world. | ||
| Like, they were going west. | ||
| Right. | ||
| West. | ||
|
unidentified
|
you're not going to be a good one. | |
| West. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck's up there? | ||
| We don't... | ||
| We have China. | ||
| That's what they thought, right? | ||
| So... | ||
| The crazy... | ||
| He gets back after that mission, leaves a bunch of guys there. | ||
| I'm not kidding, on the first mission. | ||
| Leaves like 40 guys in Hispaniola. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Thugs off back to Spain. | ||
| What happens to those guys? | ||
| They all died. | ||
| The Indians killed them all, man. | ||
| They started raping the women and taking guys as slaves. | ||
| They started like, eh. | ||
| But the cultural exchange and the echo exchange begins immediately, right? | ||
| They had hammocks. | ||
| We'd never seen a hammock. | ||
| They'd never seen a candle. | ||
| They had tobacco and potatoes and tomatoes and, you know, turkeys. | ||
| They changed the world, right? | ||
| And the Europeans had, you know, guns and steel and pigs and disease. | ||
| How long did it take after they arrived before the Indians killed them all? | ||
| Well, on that one, they left them there and went back to Spain. | ||
| So those guys just kind of had a drunk village for a while, and then the Indians kind of got them. | ||
| And then there were Karibs there who ate people. | ||
| It's still so weird that we say Indians. | ||
| It's such a programmed thing. | ||
| Columbus, that's his legacy, man. | ||
| He's so powerful, whether he's a villain or whatever. | ||
| And of course, he is a villain, obviously, in some ways. | ||
| But if it wasn't him, this is a terrible excuse, but someone was coming. | ||
| Someone was coming. | ||
| Because within 30 years, everybody came. | ||
| Isn't it crazy how much more... | ||
| And then the Dutch and the French and the, you know... | ||
| How much more gangster one part of the world was? | ||
| There was race, baby. | ||
| They were racing. | ||
| And... | ||
| It was really for, like, a Roman ideal of, like, for the bounty, man. | ||
| For the bounty. | ||
| For the glory of the empire and the church and for fucking find whatever you can and take it in our name. | ||
| And gifts with acclamations. | ||
| The king and queen of glorious Catholic Spain welcome, you know, join us. | ||
| That's what they were. | ||
| And then, of course, it always goes horribly wrong. | ||
| Always goes horribly wrong. | ||
| The greed. | ||
| The greed. | ||
| They wanted gold. | ||
| Even Columbus wanted gold, and they wanted gold. | ||
| And there's no gold in the Caribbean. | ||
| It was always those scenes in the movies where a guy would ride up on a horse with a decree, and they'd open it up, and then they'd have to figure out. | ||
| Then they killed him, and then they were at war. | ||
| What a bunch of crazy assholes people are. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| It's nuts when you really stop and think about what they were doing. | ||
| But that's how the new and the old world came together. | ||
| That's what fascinates me. | ||
| I mean, it's not so much that I think Columbus is the greatest person ever. | ||
| It's the... | ||
| The exchange, right? | ||
| This is the first big moment. | ||
| Yeah, the Vikings came over. | ||
| They did. | ||
| And maybe even St. Patrick... | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Some Irish saint came over in a leather boat, they said. | ||
| A leather boat? | ||
| Yeah, a leather boat from Ireland. | ||
| Caught in the wind and fucking hit, like, Canada. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| A leather boat. | ||
| The Vikings, you know, could do it. | ||
| Because the Vikings were mad sailors. | ||
| You know they could have made it to North America. | ||
| And they made some pretty fairly sophisticated boats for the time. | ||
| And they could go rows and sails, right? | ||
| You're never be calmed. | ||
| You can fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crack out the rows. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Little crafty boats. | ||
| The only danger is, of course, getting wiped out, you know. | ||
| In a storm. | ||
| They would take them over land when they'd invade places. | ||
| They, like, dragged them into Russia and then went up the fucking Volga to Moscow and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The Vikings captured Paris. | ||
| They went up the Seine. | ||
| Oh, can you imagine what that time must have been like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People were just boats full of gangsters. | |
| Would show a big giant... | ||
| With belief systems and, you know... | ||
| And mushrooms. | ||
| I was going to say, the Vikings are definitely the most psychedelic of all. | ||
| Arab tribes and... | ||
| Do they know what mushroom they took? | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure they do. | ||
| We could look it up, probably. | ||
| I want to say that it was the Amanita Muscaria, that one that always gets connected to religion and Santa Claus and all that, that red and white one. | ||
| Is it a little cap with a white top? | ||
| No, it's a big red thing with white spots all over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a Mario Brothers. | |
| It looks like Santa Claus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's Mario Brothers. | |
| It looks like Santa Claus. | ||
| Do you know the correlation between the Amanita muscaria and Santa Claus? | ||
| No, please. | ||
| Oh, you've got to see this. | ||
| Brian, just pull up Amanita muscaria and Santa Claus just for an image of what the mushroom looks like if people haven't seen it before. | ||
| It's bright red and white. | ||
| And in the eyes of many people who have examined it, it represents Santa Claus. | ||
| And the reason why Santa Claus has this red and white outfit is because that's the colors of the Amanita muscaria mushroom. | ||
| The reason why the Christmas tree, which is a coniferous tree, has these brightly covered packages underneath it is because these mushrooms have a mycorrhizal relationship with these trees, and they look like bright packages. | ||
| And they show up in their bright, shiny packages of red and white underneath the trees. | ||
| The way they dried them out was they would either pick them off and put them in the tree so they would dry in the sun, which is just like the way they decorated the tree, or they would hang them In front of the fireplace to dry them out, which is exactly what the stockings over the fireplace and why the fucking stockings are red and white. | ||
| That's the mushroom. | ||
|
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|
Did it pull up? | |
| You just had an image of it, right, Brian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it, right? | ||
| There's a bunch of images, the older images of Santa Claus with that mushroom. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| The older you go, when you go back to really ancient depictions of these mushrooms, The older you go, the more often you see these mushrooms around elves in Christmas tree, Christmas cards and things along those lines. | ||
| These mushrooms around Santa Claus. | ||
| So it was a direct connection. | ||
| They were drawing fucking mushrooms and elves for Christmas cards. | ||
| So at one point in time, people were still connected to this idea, but they've lost it. | ||
| The Amanita, what do you call it? | ||
| Amanita muscaria mushroom. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That had to be the one the Vikings are taking, right? | ||
| They have the tree worship and all that too. | ||
| There was a scholar named John Marco Allegro who was one of the guys who was a decipher of the Dead Sea Scrolls and he wrote two books about it. | ||
| One of them is called The Dead Sea Scrolls and the Christian Myth and the other one is called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross and it's all about how the entire Christian religion was based on psychedelic mushroom eating and sex rituals and fertility rituals. | ||
| Quite right. | ||
| Now you had me at sex rituals. | ||
| It was all that mushroom. | ||
| That mushroom was on the cover of the book, the Amanita muscaria mushroom. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that this mushroom, like, they would find out about how to use it, and they would find out about how to prepare it, and then it would give them this unbelievable psychedelic experience, so they hid all of the waves of preparing it and finding it, and apparently it's a very tricky mushroom. | ||
| It's variable genetically, it's variable seasonally, it doesn't always give you the experience. | ||
| So you have to figure out how to find it from what area. | ||
| Some of them will knock your dick into the dirt. | ||
| And some of them do nothing but make you sweat. | ||
| It's a weird mushroom. | ||
| So the idea is that they hid all the information inside these old stories. | ||
| Can I ask a question? | ||
| So when you say all Christianity, do you mean like European Christianity where that mushroom exists or did it exist in the Middle East as well? | ||
| Well, this is the Dead Sea Scrolls were all found in Qumran. | ||
| So that's where they were writing this stuff supposedly. | ||
| So at least in that area in Israel, they were taking mushrooms. | ||
| According to Allegro. | ||
| But see, Allegro was the only scholar on the list of scholars that were hired to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| He was the only one that was an agnostic. | ||
| He was an ordained minister, but then in studying theology, he just said, well, this is kind of silly. | ||
| Obviously, there's some just crazy stories, and let's just get to the root of all this and find out where this all comes from. | ||
| By chance, was he also the only professor that also took mushrooms? | ||
| I don't think he did. | ||
| The crazy thing is, I don't think he did. | ||
| He was really a straight-laced scholar. | ||
| How did they get to Santa Claus, Joe? | ||
| Well, Santa Claus being... | ||
| How does it get all the way down to the Santa Claus? | ||
| Well, I mean, I understand the colors and the tree and everything. | ||
| They always give us this bullshit story about St. Nicholas, who's from Turkey. | ||
| Yeah, like Wikipedia and everything says there's a couple different versions. | ||
| One is from Germany, one's from... | ||
| Yeah, the Siberian one, the reindeer. | ||
| The thing about the reindeer. | ||
| One of the things about the reindeer is that reindeer love to eat aminated muscarian mushrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So much so that when they have shamanic rituals in the sweat lodges and they will have these rituals and they'll take these mushrooms and they'll step out to urinate, the reindeer will knock them over to get at their urine snow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, they love it. | ||
| And why the fuck are these reindeer flying? | ||
|
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|
But deers probably also like to eat poop. | |
| Why are they flying? | ||
| The shaman, who is red and white, like the Amanita muscaria mushroom, is sitting in a carriage and he's fucking flying with a bunch of deer who are on mushrooms. | ||
| How clear do they have to make the myth that these reindeers are high? | ||
| I have to read this now. | ||
| How clear? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| John Marco Allegro. | ||
| It's really hard to understand. | ||
| I don't have any background in languages, so in listening to or reading how he broke it all down, apparently it's very controversial. | ||
| Yes, I can imagine. | ||
| But the fact remains, this guy was a legit, brilliant scholar and an agnostic. | ||
| And if you have one guy out of a list of religious kooks that are reading ancient shit, hoping to find Jesus' special... | ||
| Friends list, or whatever the fuck they're trying to find. | ||
| His autograph, yeah. | ||
| Adam's watch. | ||
| They're not going to be willing to consider anybody's alternative ideas. | ||
| I don't know if he's right, but it's fascinating. | ||
| It is fascinating. | ||
| I mean, because I was in... | ||
| I've heard about the St. Nicholas and all that, and I was at that little chapel where he supposedly was and everything, and I was like, you don't get a big Santa Claus wintertime, you know, ho-ho-ho, drink a Coca-Cola feel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So to me, the leap is really... | ||
| Other than he was the local guy who gave gifts and whatnot. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck knows where all those stories came from? | ||
| It's so fascinating. | ||
| I thought flying reindeer were an invention of, what's his name, Clement Moore or whatever, who wrote... | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Night Before Christmas. | ||
| Could have been. | ||
| But maybe he was tapped into something that he knew about flying reindeer. | ||
| Maybe he'd heard a story from Europe. | ||
| There's so many connections between this mushroom and Santa Claus that it's almost silly. | ||
| Yeah, but there's things like if you think about the Pink Floyd Wizard of Oz shit. | ||
|
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|
It's the same shit. | |
| If you obsess about something, you're going to find something in anything. | ||
| That's so true, but this one is really... | ||
| The whole story, like Santa Claus climbing down the chimney, that's how the shaman used to get into the houses when they made the shamanic rituals illegal. | ||
| They used to sneak in because everybody was on the ground watching the door, so they would throw their fucking sack of mushrooms over the chimney, and they would climb down into these people's houses. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's so many connections between the whole Santa Claus myth and this mushroom, the ritual of taking this mushroom, especially in Siberia, which is the fucking North Pole! | ||
| Essentially, that's what people look at it as. | ||
| Yeah, the end of the earth, no question. | ||
| If you were living in Siberia and you found a mushroom that would make you trip your fucking balls off. | ||
| Oh, dude, what else is there to do except try to stay warm? | ||
| Yeah, life would be so much more awesome if you found that mushroom. | ||
| The trees and the birds. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's what kept them alive. | ||
| They would trip their balls off every few months. | ||
| Yeah, it seems like a desperate... | ||
| It always seemed like the most desperate place. | ||
| I mean, when you lend your name to the bad patch of land in everybody's mind, even when you go to a restaurant, I know my wife, if they put us somewhere bad, I'm like, hey, why are we in Siberia? | ||
| It's always Siberia. | ||
| It's always Siberia. | ||
| Yeah, anytime it was a Russian movie, like a James Bond movie, and a Russian spy got sent to Siberia, yeah, fucked out there. | ||
| I mean, you're going to die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you could... | ||
| Have a nice mushroom trip every couple months. | ||
| Keep you going, though. | ||
| And dig those eight tiny reindeer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They... | ||
|
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|
Save the dolphins. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| How cold does it get up there? | ||
| Really cold. | ||
| 100 degrees below zero, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's horrible. | ||
| And they're swimming in oil, so they've saved themselves, you know. | ||
| You saved yourself, but you're stuck up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| There's a great documentary. | ||
| I say that, but there's a great documentary. | ||
| I have to take it back. | ||
| Werner Herzog's Happy People, Life on the Taigao, I think it's called. | ||
| And it's about these people that live up there in Siberia, and they're all trappers. | ||
| They're apparently all healthy. | ||
| Everyone's happy. | ||
| There's no one out. | ||
| They're all day running around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exercising? | ||
| No one has any, like, depression. | ||
| No psychological disorders. | ||
| It's a real happy culture. | ||
| And they showed them all get together, and they followed them on the camera, and they followed them to their trapping routes, where they would stay by themselves for months. | ||
| And they were all fucking really happy. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| They'd get together, they would be eating and laughing and all happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And at the end of the day, if we really are temporary beings, they are actually doing it right. | ||
| We're doing it wrong. | ||
| Well, they don't ever come home and go, I can't believe I got fucking passed over for a promotion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I need a Xanax and a wine. | ||
| I want to win wine. | ||
| I want to watch fucking Real Housewives. | ||
| Yeah, fucking Dexter. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They don't do that. | ||
| And they live forever, and they probably drink moderately, and probably are exercising all day, every day. | ||
| Yeah, and they're eating caribou. | ||
| They're eating the healthiest shit you can eat, like fresh game and vegetables that they grow. | ||
| It's fascinating, man. | ||
| They're so fucking happy. | ||
| I haven't seen that one, but I did see one recently that my wife rented, and I can't think of the bloody name of it. | ||
| Oh, you might have to look it up, Brian. | ||
| It's about the caves in France, where all the prehistoric paintings are. | ||
| The ones they found like 20 years ago, you know, that have the horses. | ||
| They're the ones that predate. | ||
| Yeah, and they're in motion, you know. | ||
| And in one room is like one guy's left hand like a zillion times. | ||
| He put it everywhere. | ||
| And it pops up a few other places in the cave. | ||
| And they're extensive, and they found them by accident and all this. | ||
| But Herzog goes in... | ||
| Because they're closing them off except for study. | ||
| So his crew goes in and he shoots it. | ||
| And it is... | ||
| I'll give him... | ||
| What's the name of the... | ||
| Is it what they call the Cave of Dreams? | ||
| That's it! | ||
| The Cave of Dreams. | ||
| But I'm always trying to think... | ||
| Suppose about... | ||
| You're saying what was it like to live when gangsters came up in boats? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Imagine... | |
| I don't know... | ||
| 50,000, 100,000, 200,000 years ago... | ||
| And you were living in a cave, and you were much like those choppers in Siberia, because now you're down to, you know, you're in a boat, you probably have fire, maybe you have... | ||
| But to see the sophistication of the drawings, the animation and the depiction of the animals and the imagination, and to see this on a wall from 30,000 years ago, is the connection that, you know... | ||
| It is just yesterday, and it's never different. | ||
| All this technical stuff and all the wonder of your phone and the apps that you can download is nothing. | ||
| I don't mean that you should just not use it. | ||
| I mean, the connection of people, like you say, to what's happening is a little more profound. | ||
| And that's what always gets overlooked. | ||
| It's always like, oh, well, that was then. | ||
| People don't even want to know about a couple of years ago, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no kidding. | ||
| I don't think you should dwell on the past, but of course I do. | ||
| But I really found it fascinating to see the human touch. | ||
| That's what gets you. | ||
| But I don't think a guy like you or a guy like me would be happy if all of a sudden we had to live like a Siberian trapper. | ||
| Oh, no, man. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| I'm such a sissy. | ||
| Okay, no Cody, no Cologne. | ||
| Wouldn't we want to do the thing that seems to make you the most happy? | ||
| Not now. | ||
| We're not like that anymore. | ||
|
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|
We can't do it anymore. | |
| We've been to Paris, you know what I mean? | ||
| We have cell phones. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| God gave us clothes or whatever. | ||
| Is there no looking back? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| We ate the apple, man. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| There seems to be no looking back. | ||
| It's like we want to. | ||
| We want to drive old cars. | ||
| Oh, they're fucking cool. | ||
| Imagine a day. | ||
| 68 Corvette. | ||
| People stop and look at it as it goes by. | ||
| It's like a time machine. | ||
| You're looking at a time machine. | ||
| But we wouldn't be happy back then. | ||
| I always say, it wasn't better. | ||
| It was just then. | ||
| But those Taiga people are right now. | ||
| Absolutely they are. | ||
| I was reading an article about people who live on an island in Greece who purportedly live to be 100 and all. | ||
| It turns out, of course, they'd inflated their age when the study was done years ago, but they are living to be 90s and close to 100, almost all of them. | ||
| And it's, you know... | ||
| each other they don't watch a lot of telly they fucking eat olive oil they lightly have a glass of wine at sunset you know like walking around they garden oh it's hilly as fuck yeah and they're old and they can whoop their ass up the hill right all the time i bet that's big in and of itself just walking up hills yeah it's the The village is there and you... | ||
| That's fucking exercise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People don't realize. | ||
| Like, you had to. | ||
| Like, it's not... | ||
| They're not going hiking. | ||
| That's their life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're doing it every day. | ||
| You go to see your friend and they have tea or whatever, coffee, and they have vegetable gardens and whatnot. | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| They were describing the life and it was like the kind of thing you pay for to go away with your wife on a weekend, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To look at the Mediterranean and drink wine at sunset and be like, I'd kick around in the garden if that was part of it. | ||
| But do you think you'd be happy living there? | ||
| No, I'd be bored senseless after a while. | ||
| You'd have your studies, right, and you'd have your computer if it worked, if it worked there on a remote island in the Mediterranean, but... | ||
| You would have to be into either starting a cult or doing some hardcore drugs. | ||
| That's the only way you would really... | ||
| Write the book, Joe. | ||
| That's where you write the book. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Who's going to read it? | ||
| You're trapped. | ||
| Well, you have to leave. | ||
| You have to get someone to deliver the book for you. | ||
| Have you been following the John McCaffrey thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| No. | ||
| John McCaffrey is the virus king, the guy who created McCaffrey Antivirus. | ||
| Well, he apparently is quite a character. | ||
| And he started a business. | ||
| This is the beginning of it. | ||
| He started a business where he had low-flying planes. | ||
| They would do this sport where they would fly really low to the ground and maneuver around. | ||
| Well, yeah, one of the planes crashed. | ||
| Somebody died. | ||
| So he got rid of all of his assets in America and transferred them over to Belize. | ||
| So he's in Belize now. | ||
| He lives in Belize, and he has a compound in Belize. | ||
| And in that compound... | ||
| He cooks up basalts. | ||
| So, you know, there's different chemicals that are being sold as basalts, these various legal forms of some sort of crazy drug. | ||
| They're legal, by loopholes. | ||
| He's like cooking them, and like freebasing them, and getting them down to like, he's like purifying them, and doing it to Are you kidding me? | ||
| No, no, he has labs. | ||
| He has labs in his jungle. | ||
| He has photos, and he takes photos of all this shit and puts it online. | ||
| And he keeps a blog on, too. | ||
| I'm sorry, everybody. | ||
| Something from the hinterland or something like that is the blog. | ||
| And he just started the blog. | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| Because the dude is on the lam because his neighbor is dead. | ||
| His neighbor got shot in the head. | ||
| And his neighbor, who he believes... | ||
| McCaffrey believes this neighbor poisoned his dogs because he had a bunch of dogs that would bark all the time. | ||
| So he shot him? | ||
| I don't know if he shot him. | ||
| He says he didn't, but the Belize government says he did. | ||
| And he says that this is not about that. | ||
| They're a bunch of criminals and they're corrupt and they're going after him for no reason. | ||
| And he had nothing to do with it. | ||
| And he was fearing for his own life. | ||
| He thought they were out to get him before they shot his... | ||
| They think that they set him up. | ||
| They killed his neighbor to set him up. | ||
| That's his take on it. | ||
| It's no doubt about it that the dude is cooking bath salts. | ||
| He's got a 17-year-old girlfriend. | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Yes, he does. | ||
| He's 62 or something like that. | ||
| This is some deep outlaw. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| He is Breaking Bad. | ||
| Yeah, he's fully Breaking Bad. | ||
| He's a character in Breaking Bad. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now I have to go look it up. | ||
| It's a fucking amazing story. | ||
| I'm looking it up now. | ||
| He's still in the country. | ||
| He's hiding. | ||
| He's on the lam. | ||
| They're trying to find him and try him for murder, and he's blogging at the same time. | ||
| And a compound in the lays of the 17-year-old girlfriend cooking salt. | ||
| He escaped that compound. | ||
| He got out, and now he's on the lam. | ||
| They don't know where he is. | ||
| But while he's out, he's blogging. | ||
| I didn't even know that you could take bath salts, really. | ||
| I've used them so frequently in my bath. | ||
| You know the bath salts. | ||
| Do you know the common... | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| Well, I hear about people taking them and committing dreadful acts and whatnot. | ||
| Well, it's just they've taken some form of like meth or some intense form of narcotic drug, something, and they'll change it, like change a molecule, add an oxygen molecule, do whatever to it that they have to do in order to make it a different chemical classification. | ||
| Then it becomes legal. | ||
| As long as they sell it not for human consumption. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they sell it as basalts. | ||
| Ah. | ||
| So they sell it, and everybody knows what the fuck it really is. | ||
| But what is it? | ||
| It's some meth-like drug. | ||
| Oh, so it's speedy. | ||
| Yeah, it's psychedelic. | ||
| It's not like DMT or something? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's a terrible drug, supposedly. | ||
| But that was the other thing. | ||
| Oh, God, no. | ||
| Talking about people rubbing their penises raw. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And then just having monkey sex for hours and hours. | ||
| So just you picture this cracked out 60-year-old dude hanging with a 17-year-old girl in the jungle on this fucking insane drug concoction that he's cooked up in his own lab. | ||
| And he's a brilliant guy. | ||
| It's like he's a brilliant guy gone mad. | ||
| It's really fascinating, man. | ||
| That is. | ||
| That's extraordinary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me pull up what this drug actually is, just so we... | ||
| Substituted cathinones, which have similar effects to amphetamine and cocaine. | ||
| The white crystals resemble legal bathing products like Epsom salts and are called bath salts with the packaging often stating not for human consumption in an attempt to avoid the prohibition of drugs, but chemically have nothing to do with actual bath salts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's just something they've created in a lab. | ||
| It's like they figured out a way around it. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| People are gross. | ||
| People are so gross. | ||
| They'll spend their time to come up with some new form of meth and then just release it in some legal loophole and laugh all the way. | ||
| Those are fucking demons. | ||
| People who sell that are demons. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that all the people have psychotic episodes and go furiously mental and kill people? | ||
| Yeah, bite people's faces off and shit. | ||
| Well, they said that that guy, they said he tested positive for marijuana. | ||
| That was one of the things that they were saying, which I found hilarious. | ||
| Because what they didn't say, which is really kind of fucking creepy, they didn't say in the news report that they can't really test for bath salts. | ||
| Most bath salts, they don't have a marker for them. | ||
| There's a bunch of different kinds, too. | ||
| Just because he didn't test for heroin or didn't test for crystal meth, whatever it is, doesn't mean he wasn't on bath salts. | ||
| They said he wasn't on bath salts, they said he was on marijuana, but that's such shitty reporting. | ||
| You have to tell the truth that it's hard to find out if people are on this shit. | ||
| I thought the rumor or the... | ||
| The accepted knowledge was that he was on Basel, and that's why he was so psychotic. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not what they got when they did the chemical tests on him after he was dead. | ||
| Well, if it doesn't show up, it's not going to be... | ||
| Brian doesn't think the cop should have killed the guy, right? | ||
| Isn't that the one that we disagreed when the guy was eating the guy's face? | ||
| You didn't think that the cop should have shot him? | ||
| Was it you or was it Duncan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was Duncan. | |
| It was Duncan? | ||
| It might have been Duncan. | ||
| Didn't think that the cop should have shot the guy. | ||
| I was like, you eat someone's face, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's called murdering somebody. | |
| Yeah, that's murdering somebody. | ||
| Not only that, that is such a fucking creepy way to go about it. | ||
| Eating someone's face? | ||
| I think that cop's allowed to shoot you. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| I'm old school. | ||
| Yeah, if it's happening to me, let me put it that way. | ||
| Please go ahead and... | ||
| Shoot that guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's eating faces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Might be good. | |
| So this John McCaffrey guy, he's actually got a blog while he's on the lam. | ||
| So this crazy government in Belize is looking for him. | ||
| According to him, he sends soldiers to his house. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Because he's got money. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how it works. | ||
| Belize has been a haven forever for people from the States. | ||
| Has it really? | ||
| A lot of expats? | ||
| Yeah, I think Confederates, that type of thing. | ||
| It's a drum runner kind of... | ||
| I think you can end up in Belize. | ||
| So it's just like one of those wild places? | ||
| I mean, I've been once, but I didn't really go to Smuggler's Cove. | ||
| This story is so fascinating. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| When a really smart guy goes off the rails. | ||
| You're waiting for Bill Gates to build a giant veranda. | ||
| Have you ever seen the descriptions of Gates' home? | ||
| Oh yeah, right? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| His home is incredible. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And everything tacked to the maximum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can just go brrr and shit flies around. | ||
| Well, he puts a clip on when he walks in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And as he enters into rooms, they adjust to his liking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
| That's gangster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it is. | |
| That's really gangster. | ||
| When you're Bill Gates, though, anything less would be ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, no, he has to do it. | ||
| Yeah, he's the technology king. | ||
| I mean, you know, it's like William Randolph Hearst or whatever, building a giant... | ||
| Yeah, but how much do you bet his toilet crashes all the time? | ||
| His Twitter crashes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Toilet. | |
| Oh, toilet crashes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why do you think that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because all this shit's like windows and stuff, so it's all probably just fucked up. | |
| His toilet crashes. | ||
| It's actually toilet. | ||
| The shower stopped, honey. | ||
| It's got a virus. | ||
| He's someone, though, like if your computer fucks up, and having him in the house I think would be super handy. | ||
| It would definitely help. | ||
| Because he would be like, oh, let me just... | ||
| Call somebody. | ||
| Yeah, instead of, you know, you going, fuck, how come my email's not working for like a day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just like, buy a Mac. | |
| The number of viruses that exist, computer viruses that exist, are fucking terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you really stop and think about how many assholes out there figured out a way to crack into people's computers, like how many hundreds of thousands of people did it? | ||
| There's schools of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get scam emails, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| From my friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's happened recently. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've gotten them from me. | ||
| I've gotten emails from me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What is this? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| What were you doing, man? | ||
| Why'd you send yourself that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was just sitting there. | ||
| Maybe I was crazy. | ||
| Maybe I went crazy. | ||
| I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
| I was just sitting there. | ||
| I saw emails from my website. | ||
| I was like, how is that even possible? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I don't know what it actually says when you look into it. | ||
| I don't click on them. | ||
| But the idea that someone can do that... | ||
| Let me ask you something about this John McCaffrey thing. | ||
| Would you want to end up riding wild in some tropical place at the end of your... | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Cooking up drugs. | ||
| That doesn't seem like fun. | ||
| No, it seems like a novel. | ||
| Yeah, that seems like you are just trying to burn out. | ||
| That you're trying to just fizzle out. | ||
| Blaze of... | ||
| Yeah, you're just trying to... | ||
| You realize the end is near, and so you're just going to go out guns blazing, rubbing your dick raw. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Smoking bath salts, banging 17-year-olds. | ||
| I mean, it's pretty wild, though. | ||
| It's the stuff of legend. | ||
| It's like one of those things where if I didn't know about it, I'd be angry if you knew about it. | ||
| You didn't tell me... | ||
| I want to know what he's doing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, he's a crazy guy. | ||
| And he's a fucking really rich guy, too. | ||
| He sold his company to Microsoft for over a billion dollars. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So he's just funded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this crazy asshole had, like, this compound, and he was having low-flying planes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I mean, just stop and think about how fucking bananas you have to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| And then, of course, someone dies. | ||
| Someone dies, yeah. | ||
| And then they're suing him, so he just fucking bolts. | ||
| He's nuts, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's nuts. | |
| I don't know if he killed his neighbor, but he's nuts. | ||
| It's probably pretty obvious. | ||
| The Colonel Kurtz thing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I think whenever a guy starts his own thing in a small country and picks a 17-year-old as his companion... | ||
| That's freaky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's freaky. | ||
| You're really... | ||
| You're going for a low bar, son. | ||
| Yeah, you're... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's out of bounds. | ||
| Yeah, you're really old for a 17-year-old, man. | ||
| You're old for a 17-year-old if you're 25, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of crazy. | ||
| Well, it's just one of those stories. | ||
| I'm fascinated by people off the rails. | ||
| When we realize that these patterns that we follow, that we don't have to follow them. | ||
| And oftentimes people just say, fuck this, and just completely exit the normal train of behavior. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't you think that's why we're fascinated by all the dictators? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Because they don't. | ||
| There's no rules. | ||
| They kill people personally in front of other people, and then go, this is how it goes, and then that's how they start their gig, and then you take over, and you punish, and you whatever. | ||
| Yeah, we're always fascinated by the ones throughout history. | ||
| And the most recent ones, like Hussein and his sons used to scare the shit out of me. | ||
| When you would hear the stories of what they did, and you know that all those stories are not made up. | ||
| No. | ||
| Feeding people to dogs. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It's old-time stuff, yeah. | ||
| They would take people, just random people, and like girls were about to get married, they would steal them from the guy, throw the guy, feed him to dogs, fuck the girl, rape her, and then feed her to dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Just horrible shit. | ||
| They did shit like that on a regular basis. | ||
| They had dogs that were eating people. | ||
| Yuck. | ||
| Motherfuckers, man. | ||
| I mean, that something can happen in the human mind where it allows them to become so vicious and detached from other people's suffering to the point where they actually enjoy it. | ||
| Like, that scares the fuck out of us. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And that power that informs all that, you have so much power that no one can fucking gainsay you. | ||
| I'm gonna do that kind of shit. | ||
| And if you don't like it, Yeah, it's fucking crazy that we could go that way. | ||
| The human brain needs a really good directions manual. | ||
| A really good one that you have to get a degree in before you can live. | ||
| Really, we should take all babies and quarantine them from the rest of society and raise them to their dead and then people get their kids. | ||
| And an amicus mushroom farm. | ||
| And while the kid is going through school, the parents are being reconditioned, reprogrammed. | ||
| Yeah, to learn how to fly like a reindeer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then run in the jungle later with the young. | ||
| I think there's probably a bunch of cultures, a bunch of ancient cultures that did a lot of mushrooms. | ||
| If you really look at like cattle worship and stuff like that. | ||
| I would think psychoactive substances were instrumental in almost every, not to be boring, but I just read about in the Columbus book, The Taino Indians used to powder a certain seed and put it in a pipe and blow it up each other's nose and have mystical trance experience, psychedelic experiences. | ||
| What was the stuff? | ||
| If I could remember, I would tell you, Joe. | ||
| It's some seed that grows on the islands in the Caribbean. | ||
| I could email you later when I go back and look at the book, but the Spanish took note of it and their ceremonies and how they danced and what they wore and how they conducted these giant things with the priests and They were taking drugs in front of them, and you blew it up your nose, and once you got a big hit in each nostril, you know... | ||
| Yeah, there's other cultures that have done that, too. | ||
| They take, like, tubes, and they stick them in each other's nostrils, and they'll blow this stuff into each other. | ||
| Really, like, poof! | ||
| And it's, like, a super painful experience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it goes right to your brain. | ||
| Yeah, and apparently, some of them are DMT-based. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, some of them are having... | ||
| I think it's called ikuhei... | ||
| It's one of those nasal blasting drugs. | ||
| And the problem is with the deforestation in the Amazon, that these people that know how to make that stuff and know exactly what the lore behind it all is, they're going away. | ||
| They're being pushed out. | ||
| There's so much logging going on. | ||
| And the Amazon's the source of all of that. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| And all the psychoactive drugs are there that can help us and cure us and make us... | ||
| At least make us have a good time. | ||
| I think the whole continent took psychoactive drugs, if not weed, but definitely mushrooms. | ||
| I did a tour of Chichen Itza with a professor, and it was really cool, because you could hire a local professor, and one of the things that he talked about that I'd never heard anybody, like a real scholar, talk about was how actively they took psychoactive drugs. | ||
| And he was talking about how they had a chamber, and he said they would go in here and they would take various psychoactive drugs. | ||
| And he thinks that some of them were mushrooms, some of them were... | ||
| There was a root or something that contained lysergic acid. | ||
| There was a few different ones that they had figured out could make you trip. | ||
| But they would have regular psychedelic rituals. | ||
| And to us that sounds ridiculous because it's like, listen, stop all that bullshit. | ||
| What you need to do is you need to go to fucking school and you need to go to college, get a good job. | ||
| What we don't understand is there was no school before this. | ||
| You're talking about people that literally created the first structures, as far as we know, that were like that near them. | ||
| And the way they were inspired might have been through psychedelic drugs. | ||
| It might be that these people were given these ideas through these drugs, and that's why they're so similar to other cultures, where they also use psychedelic drugs and make these crazy stone structures that mimic the cosmos. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| Well, I think it does, and I think that's why it's such an integral and profound... | ||
| That's why it's always part of the religious culture, too. | ||
| It wasn't a recreational thing like, let's go get fucked up. | ||
| The Indian societies were completely prescribed by religion. | ||
| The drum went off in the morning, and everybody got up, and people went to religious school, and priests were the hierarchy, and the things you're talking about with those, the taking the mushrooms, I think that... | ||
| The intuition they derived at the very beginning when they first took them and how they were able to refine it and cultivate it, like you say, and find out which ones did which thing absolutely leads to the creative process. | ||
| And that's why they incorporated it into their... | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And Europeans just don't... | ||
| It was alcohol by then. | ||
| By the time they met in the Middle Ages. | ||
| That's why they were so savage. | ||
| That alcohol-based cultures... | ||
| Guns and liquor, baby. | ||
| Guns, liquor, and conquer. | ||
| That's a totally different attitude than the psychedelic cultures. | ||
| Although I'm sure Europeans took them too. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| Druids certainly get it going. | ||
| Oh yeah, definitely. | ||
| There's a lot of mushrooms in Europe. | ||
| Apparently, I think anywhere where it rains a lot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And then if it doesn't... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I was in Morocco and I didn't get that they were... | ||
| I'm sure they had psychedelics, but you could eat hashish or whatever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If you really want to have a... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| A mind-altering experience that's easily doable. | ||
| Everyone, I think, in the whole country has access to... | ||
| Mad amounts of Keefe and marijuana and hashish and different grades in different places. | ||
| They're not a booze culture, right? | ||
| Like, they're a dope culture. | ||
| And that doesn't mean you're non-violent. | ||
| I think that's always a funny joke, because it's true, you know, that stoners don't commit violence. | ||
| But I would think Rastas and gangsters disprove the theory that you can be high and commit. | ||
| Yeah, you could be stoned and still fuck people up. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Hawaiians like to smoke weed. | ||
| I was going to say, Hawaiians smoke weed. | ||
| They'll get hot and beat you up. | ||
| Yeah, maybe they're nicer than they would have been if it wasn't for the weed. | ||
| Certainly they're going to stop after and get something. | ||
| Yeah, they won't kill you. | ||
| They won't beat you to death. | ||
| They'll let you live. | ||
| The Hindus had something called Soma, which to this day, they don't know exactly what it was, but it was so important to them. | ||
| They had all these... | ||
| Beautifully written texts on how great Soma was. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Compared it to all these other things. | ||
| Better than Indra, better than Brahma, all these different things. | ||
| Soma was the best psychedelic drug. | ||
| And no one knows what the fuck it is. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was so important to them. | ||
| But it's written of? | ||
| Written of, but they don't know what was inside of it. | ||
| Whether it was a combinatory thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| People would mix things together. | ||
| Sometimes they would mix certain psychedelics. | ||
| They would mix different things, even bad ideas. | ||
| People have mixed mushrooms and ayahuasca, and apparently that's not a good idea. | ||
| That really fucks you up. | ||
| But they don't know what the combination was. | ||
| They don't know what Soma meant. | ||
| But whatever it was, it was unbelievably profound. | ||
| It was one of the most important things that existed in the world. | ||
| And we don't know what the fuck it is. | ||
| How far back is this? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If I could tell you the... | ||
| If Duncan Trussell was here, he would snap that shit off. | ||
| I was going to say, and I forgot the name of the plant that the Tynos snorted up their nose. | ||
| There's been so many throughout history, but for us in this day and age, it's fascinating to me that we're, as far as we know, we're the furthest along without any catastrophe where we've managed to evolve culture to this crazy point of infinite information, the distribution of it instantaneously. we're the furthest along without any catastrophe where we've managed And yet we still, at this day and age, ridicule that idea. | ||
| We ridicule these incredibly potent, creative, inspiring experiences. | ||
| Mind and life-changing experiences. | ||
| And as a culture, we belittle them. | ||
| We make it down to like a joke. | ||
| You're high. | ||
| Yeah, and if you talk about it, you're a silly person. | ||
| You're not to be taken seriously. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, I've had conversations with people where they, you know, they said, well, what has really changed the way you look at life the most? | ||
| And I'm like, psychedelic experiences. | ||
| And they look at you like, you just said something fucking, you did, you're doing heroin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're smoking meth and running into the wall. | ||
| Like, you're an idiot. | ||
| Like, oh God, did you just really just say that? | ||
| Like, it's not even something people, most people are ignorant to what the true experience is really all about. | ||
| And ignorant to how long they've probably been a part of human history and what they've probably shaped of human history. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I don't know though. | ||
| I find too that there is a huge resistance toward it. | ||
| I talk about it sometimes and I've done them. | ||
| And once you've done them and seen the alternate reality that exists and kind of come in touch with that, It does change your point of view because you realize that everything is so fluid in its levels of consciousness and not just the one horrible one that we're stuck in all the time now where we're prodding each other. | ||
| There's varied levels of existence. | ||
| It's a real uncomfortable idea for a lot of people, Joe, because it fucks up their well-ordered life or their belief system or whatever it is they're going for. | ||
| People prefer faith-based stuff, which is weird to me because... | ||
| It's easier to just accept. | ||
| Well, I mean, it doesn't require a gyration, I guess, as much. | ||
| But I hadn't quite considered as much as you the idea that psychedelic drugs shape so many ideas. | ||
| But now that you mention it, of course, it's true. | ||
| You don't need an alien invasion. | ||
| You can get an alien invasion in an hour and 20 minutes, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Seven grams, go in an isolation tank. | ||
| You'll have a fucking alien invasion. | ||
| Yeah, you will. | ||
| And it'll happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It'll happen in your brain. | ||
| It'll be real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, whether or not it's actually physically happening, who cares? | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| Well, that's the subjectivity of it. | ||
| Oh, it's just a hallucination. | ||
| Says who and who cares, okay? | ||
| Because either way, it's happening. | ||
| Whether or not you want to say it wasn't really happening or whether you want to say that you really were experiencing something that was real that you could only see while you're under the influence of the mushroom, but it's real and around you all the time. | ||
| Whichever one that is, either way you have the experience and the experience is incredibly powerful and beneficial to you as a human. | ||
| I think it is because it opens up your mind. | ||
| I think people are terrified to lose their ego. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Because if your ego dissolves, then you're in another state where you can't control your emotions. | ||
| And then all the things that you're repressing and suppressing come rushing back. | ||
| And for some people, they're tenuously clinging to reality at all times anyway. | ||
| And a push like that... | ||
| It threatens them. | ||
| And, like you say, it gets lumped in with heroin. | ||
| It's not actually... | ||
| We always argue that marijuana is a mild hallucinogenic and therefore... | ||
| A safer and funner alternative to being drunk, necessarily, or blah, blah, blah. | ||
| As Louis Armstrong said, it's worth a hundred assistants. | ||
| Worth a hundred assistants? | ||
| Assistants, yeah. | ||
| He said, I don't know. | ||
| Oh, no, he would have said, it's better than a hundred whiskeys, sorry. | ||
| He said, he always considered it a friend and assistant. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| Which I thought was really funny. | ||
| But psychedelics are like, if you say, if you check psychedelics, people go... | ||
| You're a drug addict or whatever. | ||
| Well, if you smoke weed, you're a pothead. | ||
| Well, I am a pothead, though. | ||
| I am as well. | ||
| But when I found out that you were, I thought... | ||
| When I found out that you were the one who actually... | ||
| Did you introduce Doug Benson to marijuana? | ||
| That's the legend. | ||
| If you saw that Werner Herzog movie, it's written on one of the cave walls. | ||
| There's a petroglyph of Doug and I. Stylized, of course. | ||
| You can't hardly recognize this. | ||
| You can see my glasses. | ||
| It's from... | ||
| Hundreds of years ago. | ||
| Doug and I were in San Diego at the Pacific Beach Improv, if you remember that one. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| 58. We had just finished doing a roast at the Friars. | ||
| No, we were playing San Diego and he claims that he had smoked before but not got high, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| He'd had some, because a lot of times you know you have to get high a few times before it kicks in. | ||
| And then I brought a bunch of weed. | ||
| And I remember, what I remember is, the condo was near the beach, and we were just fucking doofuses. | ||
| And, you know, we would just go to the beach every day and get high. | ||
| And then when we weren't at the beach, we would watch MTV's Beach Party. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And I remember him laying on the couch laughing hysterically at one point and kicking his legs in the air. | ||
| And I was like, let's go get fish tacos. | ||
| And he was like, dude, you know, and like, It was just that stupid of a weekend. | ||
| And then at night we'd go do sets. | ||
| We were working at the improv. | ||
| And he claims that was where he started. | ||
| And I guess the carefree lifestyle that we were living that week seduced him so hard because of its beguiling poetry that he realized as an independent soul he could finally take control of his own destiny. | ||
| I had a kid say to me once, I was on the road and like, Addison, Texas or something. | ||
| And the guy I was working with was a nice fellow. | ||
| And he would go out and he would buy peanut butter and cereal that you'd see on TV and stuff, which made me laugh because I'm from San Francisco. | ||
| He would come back with a shopping list you'd see on television, like Wonder Bread. | ||
| And he was a nice fellow. | ||
| And he would run and whatnot. | ||
| And I remember what year it was. | ||
| I was watching the Anita Hill hearings on TV. And there was a Raiders game that weekend, or a Niners game, and there was a fire in the East Bay, and you could see the fire over the campus. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| 90. 91. Somewhere in there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Laying on the couch, smoking weed, and he goes, you gonna smoke pot all fucking day, Proops? | ||
| And I go, let me ask you something. | ||
| Whatever his name was. | ||
| Danny. | ||
| I go, let me ask you something. | ||
| Who kills every night? | ||
| And he, you do. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You have your program. | ||
| I was bored too. | ||
| I was trapped in the condo. | ||
| It was one of those ones that wasn't near anything. | ||
| I think a Waffle House or something. | ||
| But if you wanted to be technical about a comic's time creating, it's all day. | ||
| And it's all day watching TV. And you could be scanning for something that inspires you enough to be your next closing bit. | ||
| So you're actually working. | ||
| So even when you're lounging, you're working. | ||
| I think of stuff in bed. | ||
| I lay in bed and if I wake up in the middle of the night, I go, I need to do a thing tomorrow. | ||
| I have to think of this and then I think of it. | ||
| You know, I would argue that the creative process, you can manufacture it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But it works better if you don't, I think. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| And everybody goes dry. | ||
| Sometimes you go dry. | ||
| Also, working hard makes you not go dry. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| It's a muscle. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's like a vibe that you get into when you're really writing a lot, and that vibe sort of like just... | ||
| It becomes like a part of your consciousness. | ||
| And then the more you feed it, the more you do it. | ||
| I think that's the thing with everything. | ||
| Everything that a person does, whether it's an art form or a musical instrument. | ||
| But if it isn't an art form, it's not important, Joe. | ||
| But go on. | ||
| It is true. | ||
| Yeah, the idea of the creative process is something that's always been so fascinating to me. | ||
| And I love listening to how other people do it. | ||
| You know, especially comics, like some of them are just fucking, they just sit down and put in the time, they just put in the hours, you know? | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| And some of them just sit around and watch things all day and scratch their head and look at the internet and just poke around and prod, you know, and then some of them, they just, they just write in stand-up form, some people write in blog form. | ||
| Don't you love when you Think a joke springs fully formed from your breast, and you haven't thought of it. | ||
| It just comes out, and you do it, and it's perfect, and you go... | ||
| Like, people always say, you know, whatever, the Beatles. | ||
| How did you write that song? | ||
| And sometimes they'll go, honestly, I sat down, and you know what I mean? | ||
| I had it. | ||
| I didn't write it. | ||
| It came out. | ||
| And, like... | ||
| Every once in a while, there'll be a joke that you think of, and it's just the right one. | ||
| And it may even not be genius or anything. | ||
| It's just that feeling that your subconscious pushed it out and you weren't fucking with it in any way, and therefore its perfection is different than something you worked on. | ||
| Yeah, there's this weird thing of, again, it goes back to the ego, this weird thing of whoever the fuck you think of yourself as, you know, this self-defining sort of image that, you know, you put up as, like, sort of a wall of protection. | ||
| Oh, yeah, very much so. | ||
| Yeah, and when you want to take credit for the idea, the way creativity comes, it comes when you're in the state of, like, Open. | ||
| When you're open to receive it. | ||
| When you're really thinking about things. | ||
| Completely, all your resources are on the thing. | ||
| Not about the bullshit. | ||
| Not about trying to craft an image on stage or trying to formulate something that you think is going to make the back of the room laugh. | ||
| Instead of that, it's all coming from a true openness. | ||
| And then it just comes. | ||
| Sometimes it's just like moments, you know, these bursts of ideas will come to you and they are just gifts from the universe. | ||
| And they hit you like waves and you can't even write them down quick enough and you're giggling while you're writing them. | ||
| It's like a gift. | ||
| It's like a gift for thinking the right way or a gift for approaching it with the correct respect. | ||
| Like realizing that you are the lucky one to be able to tune into this. | ||
| It's not that you're this fabulous person who is so awesome because you say funny shit. | ||
| No, you're the lucky one that has found this ability to tune into these ideas and you should praise these ideas and honor these ideas. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I think just pushing yourself to think of something I repeat myself a million times, but to think of something new when you're riffing is how I... It's hard. | ||
| Yeah, it's really hard. | ||
| On the podcast, I'll just attempt things sometimes that aren't that funny, but I'm trying to disconnect. | ||
| So that you're kind of trying to automatic write if you can. | ||
| Do you do your podcast entirely by yourself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| I talk to the crowd and I... You do it in front of a crowd? | ||
| Always. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Always live. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I want the live vibe. | ||
| And I want the pressure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where do you do it at? | |
| Where do you do it at? | ||
| It makes me more perform, you know, I want to perform more. | ||
| No, I'm sorry, where? | ||
| Oh, thank you for asking. | ||
| I'm at the Bar Lubitsch tonight, for goodness sakes. | ||
| I do it at the Bar Lubitsch in LA, and I do it all over the world. | ||
| The Bar what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that place. | |
| It's over in West Hollywood. | ||
| It's on Santa Monica. | ||
| What is it called, the Bar Lubitsch? | ||
| Lubitsch, like Ernst Lubitsch. | ||
| Lubitsch. | ||
| Yeah, Lubitsch. | ||
| Bar Lubitsch. | ||
| Yeah, L-E-B-I-T-E-C-H. Dude, that sounds so hip and awesome. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's like at the front of a bar, the back's like a nice little stage. | ||
| Yeah, Greg Proops will be performing there. | ||
| You're doing your fucking podcast in front of a live audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| So explain this to me. | ||
| I need to watch this now. | ||
| I do it live and this week I'm for London and I'm going to do it in Dublin this week and London, England. | ||
| Whelan's Pub in Dublin and the 19th on... | ||
| The Soho Theatre in London on the 2nd. | ||
| And then I come home and I go to Bloomington, Indiana, The Attic, which is supposed to be a very nice club. | ||
| And I'm going to do the podcast there. | ||
| I try to do it at every place I go. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I do it live. | ||
| I take questions on the air. | ||
| Never in L.A. very much. | ||
| I've done it, but I don't do it that much. | ||
| But on the road always, one part of the show is people get to get up and ask me questions. | ||
| The show's called The Smartest Man in the World. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| I don't think I'm the smartest man in the world. | ||
| You go on the radio and people go like, so are you really the smartest man in the world? | ||
| And you're like, no. | ||
| Are you the biggest douche in the world? | ||
| Who would do it? | ||
| It's a joke, obviously. | ||
| Yeah, obviously. | ||
| I have an attitude and I have a place I'm coming from. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of your comedy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| So, I take questions. | ||
| And then I also take email questions. | ||
| And I read them and I don't read them beforehand. | ||
| I just... | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| I read them on the air. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's, you know, people will write me. | ||
| And now because, you know, it's been a couple years now that It'll be like Proupadopolis, you know, dear Proupal of the sun, you know, Proupindicular, you know, like they try to think of these lengthy. | ||
| So that part's fun. | ||
| And then I'll read it back to the audience and then be like, and then I'll try to answer it on the air. | ||
| So I got one once, and I can't remember what it was. | ||
| Oh, and it was a great question. | ||
| I can't remember who wrote it, Matt, or some short one syllable name. | ||
| In any case, it was Beards, period. | ||
| Never, question mark. | ||
| Beards, period. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Really, question mark. | ||
| And I went, that's not a question. | ||
| That's a series of extremely short sentences. | ||
| And then I went into maybe 25 minutes on... | ||
| This novel that I would write if you were with me and how we would go to Mendocino and get high and the whole going shopping and having a barbecue and drinking later and then that's why I wouldn't wear a beard because I would be scruffy at the end of four days and I would be trying to write my novel and you'd be refuting my novel as I read it to you First, I wouldn't read it to you. | ||
| I'd be too precious. | ||
| And then I'll pond demand one another. | ||
| And this all came out of nowhere. | ||
| I have no intention of doing any of this. | ||
| And to me, that's the jumping off point, right? | ||
| And it was the shortest, stupidest thing. | ||
| And it was only because I'd said I didn't like beards on the show. | ||
| And I said, I don't like hats, you know, or what is it? | ||
| There's a few things I don't think men should wear. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Hats and beards. | ||
| Why hats? | ||
| I don't look good in a hat. | ||
| For people who look good in it, I say wear a hat. | ||
| So, but what if men want to wear a hat because they just don't feel like combing their hair? | ||
| That's what I think most guys who wear baseball hats... | ||
| I'm not judgmental about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just throw it on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a hat. | |
| Brian, you have a hat on right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And a beard. | |
| You're cool. | ||
| That's the way he said that. | ||
| You were attacking him. | ||
| You're also at your show. | ||
| If you were going to go out with a girl... | ||
| Would you wear your baseball hat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You would dress exactly that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is exactly how I do it. | |
| Don't you want them to like you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to hide. | |
| They like them. | ||
| Listen, trust me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to hide very easily. | |
| I don't like to look at people. | ||
| If somebody's bothering me, I don't want to deal with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to cut them out. | |
| I get that now. | ||
| The kid does extraordinarily well. | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| See, my game's wrong. | ||
| It's just his game is being him. | ||
| It's like, your game is you. | ||
| But your game is funny when you shit on other people who aren't doing your game. | ||
| One of the slogans of the show is, I'm bound to shit on something you love. | ||
| And what's wrong with that? | ||
| Why does everybody have such a hard time with that? | ||
| Everyone's so goddamn sensitive. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| If you can't laugh at someone making fun of you, you're being a silly person. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| So that's how we do it, and it's great fun. | ||
| Sometimes the people ask questions... | ||
| I have no idea what they're going to say. | ||
| That sounds amazing. | ||
| I've got a couple running jokes that devolved out of nowhere. | ||
| Just shit that I like to talk about. | ||
| And one of them is, for some reason, the Negro Leagues, right? | ||
| I'm a fan of baseball, and I started talking about Satchel Paige and Negro Leagues. | ||
| I play in Scotland a year ago, and... | ||
| Well, they don't know what the Negro Leagues are, you know? | ||
| And a guy, at the end of the show, we're doing questions, and he goes, what about such a bitch? | ||
| And you're like, you know, you cry a little. | ||
| A little tear goes down my cynical face. | ||
| You've made a connection. | ||
| Podcasting is the coolest thing that comics have been able to do in my entire career. | ||
| No question about it. | ||
| Cooler than TV, cooler than... | ||
| I mean, I love the stage, you know? | ||
| You can't pull me off the fucking stage. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm a ham bone, but I mean... | ||
| Podcasting by a long mile is the most creative outlet I've had, the most challenging. | ||
| Doing it by myself with the crowd has been something I think I needed to do forever, and I didn't know that I needed to do that. | ||
| That sounds amazing. | ||
| The way you're doing it sounds really fun because it's like people have a chance to see different ideas explored every week. | ||
| And doing it live in front of an audience like that, getting to see Riff and just completely go off the cuff... | ||
| And knowing that it's absolutely completely off the cuff, that's so fun. | ||
| I mean, I read poems and newspaper articles and whine about shit. | ||
| It's one of those. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| There's a boring, preachy part, and then there's the questions. | ||
| Yeah, the podcasting thing is done... | ||
| It's the only thing that's, in my opinion, is truly complimentary. | ||
| To the stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because it really gets you to see the way a guy's brain works. | ||
| Like, one of the things I love about guys coming on that I haven't talked to before, like you, like, we might have said, like, ten words to each other ever. | ||
| Yeah, we've got a couple conversations. | ||
| Just like, hi, what's up, man? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Everything cool, you know? | ||
| Is that when you get to compare and, like, see the difference, it's very inspiring to listen to other people's creative process. | ||
| Oh, well, that's... | ||
| It is. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| Have been on so many different comics, podcasts, and that's the other funnest part of podcasting is it's giving the audience something that they never had before when we were young and we would listen to comedy albums or even guys get interviewed occasionally on TV or the radio in exchange of ideas between comics. | ||
| You don't fucking hear it. | ||
| You never fucking heard it. | ||
| It was never a craft until now. | ||
| People say podcasting's radio. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's an audio format or whatever, largely, but except for... | ||
| I was looking at the camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was you? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How's it going? | ||
| You handsome bastard. | ||
| Hello audience members. | ||
| Sophisticated motherfucker here. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| If I was you, I'd hug you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There we go. | |
| Could you imagine if we had audio of Kinnison having a conversation with Hicks? | ||
| Right, that's what I mean. | ||
| We didn't get that. | ||
| This is the dressing room for the world, finally. | ||
| And that there's a lot of funny people who can express themselves in this format. | ||
| And that... | ||
| Because it's like, you know, whatever, there's enough rules that make it work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's mics and it's audio and it has to be a certain length, it can't be seven hours, you know, unless you're making a, you know, the fassbender. | ||
| The thing is, though, people listen to them at work a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can give them really long ones. | ||
| We do like three hours all the time. | ||
| Oh, I do an hour and a half. | ||
| To two. | ||
| And the two ones, I think, are a little long. | ||
| Because it's just me, like I said. | ||
| It's just me. | ||
| So, you know, come on. | ||
| After an hour, really, with one dude, you're like, okay. | ||
| But people say to me, oh, I love the long ones because I drive three hours to work. | ||
| Or I'm on the train for two hours. | ||
| Why'd you do a fucking one hour and ten minute one? | ||
| I needed a one hour and 48 minute. | ||
| And I think the other thing that's really cool is that they're free. | ||
| Like, that's a really cool thing for people. | ||
| Integral. | ||
| Like, that's the connection that we get to do with this. | ||
| TV is wonderful, and one day I'll be on it again. | ||
| But I think that the connection that we get with this is just a different thing altogether. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I completely agree. | ||
| So immediate. | ||
| Yeah, and you get to see what the dude's really like. | ||
| I meet, well I'm sure you do too, you work live all the time, but I meet at my podcast way different than I would approach stand-up. | ||
| Stand-up show at Go, I'm backstage, I look at my notes, drink, whatever. | ||
| Go on, do it. | ||
| And then go back, or maybe say hi to a few people. | ||
| At the podcast, I go out in the audience before the show and talk to everybody. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then sometimes after the show, too. | ||
| So it's more of like a town hall meeting. | ||
| So when the show starts, it's not, Greg Proops is coming into the building. | ||
| I fucking have met you. | ||
| And you go to England, and English people sometimes are a little reticent. | ||
| They're not ready for you to come up and go, hi. | ||
| And I'll say, this is your punishment. | ||
| You have to meet me before I go up there. | ||
| But afterward, they're like, that was really different that he came up and talked to us. | ||
| And I don't spend a year with everybody. | ||
| I go, hi, thanks for coming. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| But I touch everybody, and it's made a huge difference to me as a performer. | ||
| That connection is something I never had with the crowd before. | ||
| I was never the touchy, high-five-anybody dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, I mean, I'm lovable, obviously. | ||
| I'm almost irresistibly engaging, Joe. | ||
| I think you found that over the last two and a half hours. | ||
| And your audience, of course, I think fell in love right away. | ||
| Yeah, they fell in love right away. | ||
| That's a great idea, though. | ||
| And it's contrary to the standard thing that they would always preach us, which was, you know... | ||
| Magic. | ||
| Magic. | ||
| You don't want to see... | ||
| Don't let them see you. | ||
| Don't let them see you. | ||
| You're the Wizard of Oz. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I started introducing my friends at the shows. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there you are first. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I would get on the microphone. | ||
| They would go, don't you think it's better if they hear your voice for the first time when you're on stage? | ||
| I'm like, stop the crazy thinking. | ||
| All that ancient... | ||
| They've come to see you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're not going to be disappointed. | ||
| They're glad to hear you're there. | ||
| And that you support the other people in the act. | ||
| It makes a connection. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| Instead of, you know, he plays clubs and colleges, and then you come out, I said C, C.C. Ryder, you know, fucking scarf in a green elevator, you know. | ||
| I mean, I love glamour. | ||
| I really do, and I like to dress up a lot and everything, but... | ||
| I think, like you say, that old paradigm of show business where it's, you know, that we're saving you as the special treat. | ||
| I bought the ticket to see you, man. | ||
| I know you're playing. | ||
| I saw you outside smoking a joint. | ||
| You know, like, it's not that mystifying. | ||
| Like, we're not... | ||
| I mean, in stand-up, it works because you have to have... | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| In stand-up, it works because... | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I think he's got a remote control. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No? | ||
| You just touch him? | ||
| Some of them are on remote control. | ||
| Something just did something. | ||
| Anyway, I do that and I never would have done it before. | ||
| I played the Bell House in Brooklyn and I'm there again in January on the 19th if you're listening. | ||
| There's about 350 people and it's nice. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I've done this a hundred fucking years. | ||
| I can't draw big crowds anywhere in the world. | ||
| I play around the world, but I don't get a thousand people ever, unless I'm with someone huge. | ||
| But to get that many people to come to the podcast, and that's all it was. | ||
| And I did an hour and 45, whatever. | ||
| It was long enough to fucking charge people 20 bucks or whatever. | ||
| And I met everyone before, and then afterward I talked to almost everybody that wanted to talk. | ||
| And I stayed for hours like Babe Ruth and just fucking, you know, hey, And people give you pictures, and they talk to you, and you talk about what you're doing and shit. | ||
| And I thought, I would have never cared this much before. | ||
| What changed it? | ||
| I'm middle-aged, you know? | ||
| And I love comedy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I want to be a comedian. | ||
| Not that I didn't ever want to, but... | ||
| But you really enjoyed it. | ||
| I don't know, Joe. | ||
| You know, I did the first one. | ||
| Matt and Ryan, who produced Doug Benson's show and Jimmy Pardo's show, Came to me and said, do you want to do a show? | ||
| And I was like, what do I do? | ||
| And they go, well, you know, and I said, well, no one will listen. | ||
| They go, people listen to you. | ||
| And then we decided not to do interviews. | ||
| I'll do it on my own. | ||
| Because I had done this Audible show previously, like in the old days, when we were overfunded on the web. | ||
| Was that Audible.com? | ||
| Yeah, it was. | ||
| They had a bunch of those, right? | ||
| Yeah, they had a bunch, and I got to do one. | ||
| And they paid me good money in the whole thing. | ||
| And nobody listened, because no one had phones then. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was 2000 until 2005. Yeah, they were real innovators. | ||
| So nobody had a... | ||
| No one even had MP3s. | ||
| You had iPods, but you'd have to... | ||
| Steve Marmel had some sort of a deal with them. | ||
| Oh, Steve Marmel did it, too! | ||
| Five minutes of new content. | ||
| Right, me too. | ||
| I did it every... | ||
| Me, Steve... | ||
| I know they wanted you to do it, too, at the time. | ||
| I thought it was crazy, though, to put that much new stand-up content every week. | ||
| So I did that for fucking five years. | ||
| So I thought, well, I'll just do that, but in an expanded. | ||
| But let's make it fun and have drinks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so the audience can have a drink, and we all fucking... | ||
| How do you handle photographs before the show? | ||
| At the podcast? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody really wants to do them before. | ||
| They kind of want to do them after. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Usually, I think, it feels like... | ||
| I don't like it at a stand-up show as much. | ||
| I mean, after I'll do it. | ||
| Afterwards. | ||
| After. | ||
| Yeah, I always... | ||
| Let me unwind for a fucking minute, will you? | ||
| I always say hi to... | ||
| I have like a big line of people after shows. | ||
| Of course they love you, man. | ||
| You have to have a taste. | ||
| I don't hear anybody else that does that. | ||
| I love hearing that you do that. | ||
| Well, I do it at the podcast for sure. | ||
| At a stand-up show, you may not be so lucky, but... | ||
| I do it at almost every stand-up show, unless there's something going on. | ||
| Yeah, but you're like a gentleman philosopher. | ||
| Your job now is so important for what you've been doing, and it's the culmination of all. | ||
| The TV and all that, this is the reward. | ||
| You know, like you're saying you're rewarded by... | ||
| I guess, yeah. | ||
| You want to talk to everybody at your show, man. | ||
| They want to talk to you. | ||
| That's how important you are to them. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I don't think of this as a reward. | ||
| I think of this as just... | ||
| I just found a real cool spot to... | ||
| Expand. | ||
| Alright, then it's the culmination of all your thoughts. | ||
| Well, just fortunate that something came along that would lend itself to someone who has so many different weird ideas in their head that you can't ever do in the form of a radio show. | ||
| They haven't caught up to us yet. | ||
| We're still running wild. | ||
| We're still running wild, man. | ||
| This is still gangster pirate stuff. | ||
| And everybody thinks it's all... | ||
| You know, the 30-somethings who... | ||
| Who cover us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are already hip to the jive. | ||
| But they don't realize that the whole world doesn't know about podcasting at all. | ||
| The whole world doesn't. | ||
| It's huge coming up. | ||
| They're blowing up. | ||
| And you know what else is happening? | ||
| Podcasts are feeding other podcasts. | ||
| They're finding about... | ||
| Like, we have had so many guys come from this podcast and then start their own. | ||
| And then we help push their podcast. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| It's an amazing branch. | ||
| You have an insane reach. | ||
| People... | ||
| Your circle is a... | ||
| You know... | ||
| Well, they always say every scene needs a clubhouse, and this is the clubhouse, right? | ||
| This is the ice house. | ||
| For your scene. | ||
| Yeah, the ice house is such an awesome place, too, because it's been around since like 1961 or something like that. | ||
| Oh, I played here in 54. They have this feeling. | ||
| If you go into the Ice House, like you step into that showroom, that's a feeling. | ||
| That place has been performed in for decades. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| It sounds crazy. | ||
| I know it sounds crazy, but there's a happiness in that room, man. | ||
| And by the way, we have a show there tonight. | ||
| Joe Diaz is going to be there. | ||
| Sam Tripoli, Adam Hunter, the guy who got me in trouble for saying his joke on an FX UFC fight. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons, did I mention him already? | ||
| Who else? | ||
| So you're having trouble booking? | ||
| Some other people. | ||
| Got some solid fucking performers. | ||
| Oh, Tom Segura is going to be here too, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You don't want to miss that. | ||
| So it's tonight at 10 o'clock. | ||
| So am I here for three hours then? | ||
| No, buddy. | ||
| We're just chilling. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| We've got to wrap up soon because Brian has to head down to San Diego where he is going tonight. | ||
| I've got to go work tonight too. | ||
| Brian is with Doug Benson, your buddy, tonight at the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
American Comedy Co. | |
| It's at 8 o'clock. | ||
| Tickets still available at AmericanComedyCo.com. | ||
| Surely not. | ||
| And if you've never been there, it's an amazing little club. | ||
| I have not been there. | ||
| What's it like? | ||
| San Diego is a beautiful place. | ||
| I fucking love San Diego. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great. | |
| What's it like? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| The American Comedy Company is a real low ceiling, tight seating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll go downstairs. | |
| I love it. | ||
| Very solid. | ||
| I really wish them all the best. | ||
| And apparently there's another place called Madhouse Comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, down the street. | |
| Is that an old town? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah... | |
| I don't know. | ||
| The area where people walk around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
American comedy goes at Gaslamp in... | |
| I don't know where the other place is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's the shit. | ||
| San Diego's awesome. | ||
| It's really a badass city. | ||
| I haven't been there in ages. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just too close. | |
| It's funny. | ||
| 20 years ago, or 50 years ago when I first started, that was a road gig we always did. | ||
| There was a million gigs in San Diego. | ||
| We always played La Jolla and fucking... | ||
| You started out in San Francisco, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And our road gigs are all Bay Area and Oregon, Reno, that kind of... | ||
| I started my show business career in San Francisco as well. | ||
| Where? | ||
| On Fisherman's Wharf. | ||
| I was eight years old. | ||
| I had a magic show. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's where I started out. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I had a magic show. | ||
| Somebody gave me a magic show, like a thing, a little top hat and shit, so I'd go out and get donations. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Were you living in San Francisco? | ||
| Yeah, I lived in San Francisco when I was a kid from age 7 to 11. Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Fascinating times. | ||
| It was right when the Vietnam War was ending. | ||
| Really interesting. | ||
| Living in San Francisco that young of my life during that era in the 70s really shaped my way. | ||
| I was going to say, it didn't influence you at all. | ||
| It did a lot. | ||
| There was a lot of... | ||
| Especially with my attitude towards gay people. | ||
| I've never understood... | ||
| I grew up with gay people. | ||
| So, like, to me, it was always normal. | ||
| And, by the way, it was always something that you can make fun of as long as you're not being a dick about it. | ||
| You can make fun of everything. | ||
| And this... | ||
| The idea of homophobia, I didn't even know it existed until I was about 13 or 12. 12. I was in Florida. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Hanging around with my cute... | ||
| Comes the dawn. | ||
| My parents moved to Florida. | ||
| We moved from San Francisco to Florida. | ||
| And... | ||
| This Cuban friend of mine, his dad fucking threw the newspaper on the table. | ||
| I can't fucking believe this shit. | ||
| He was so mad. | ||
| And he goes, they're going to let these faggots marry each other. | ||
| And I remember I was like 12 years old. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck do you care? | ||
| What are you, nuts? | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| Gay guys want to marry each other? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was like, this poor guy, he's broken or something. | ||
| I was like, this is my friend's dad. | ||
| What an idiot. | ||
| I remember thinking, it took me a while to realize it, but I was like, wow, people are way stupider in Florida than they are in San Francisco. | ||
| It was like going from a completely different world. | ||
| San Francisco is in a very unusual place. | ||
| It poisons you, because I've never dropped the attitude from there, and I've never... | ||
| All the information I believe in is from there. | ||
| It's a huge rude awakening when you get into the world and realize that it ain't that way. | ||
| It ain't that fucking way. | ||
| It's amazing how places like San Francisco evolve. | ||
| You have these weird pockets of really smart people and really cool people. | ||
| It's like that whole area, the tech area with, you know, like where all those rich dudes live and like Palo Alto and Atherton and stuff like that. | ||
| That area is filled with intelligent people. | ||
| It's really amazing. | ||
| It's a hotbed of interesting intelligent people. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And therefore the demands are different. | ||
| You're going to go to a place and they're going to have... | ||
| Artisanal bread and excellent cheese and awesome wine. | ||
| I realize it's also an economic thing, but it's a cultural thing too. | ||
| The sensitivity, like you say. | ||
| I didn't realize how redneck-y the world was. | ||
| And I used to say it years ago on stage when I played in England and stuff. | ||
| I'm always looking for a place that's not redneck-y, but I never find it. | ||
| And I don't know if that's still true, but, you know, you're just gonna run into it. | ||
| It's just gonna happen. | ||
| There's gonna be a yang. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| There's always going to be... | ||
| I can't believe they're going to let faggots marry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was Chris Cluey, what the punter just said? | ||
| That's not going to make you a raging cock monster. | ||
| Monster, yeah. | ||
| Well, I always said that people that are worried about gay marriage are either really dumb or secretly worried that dicks are delicious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's no other options. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's like, why else would you care? | ||
| It's such a silly, silly... | ||
| That one is a baffling one. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I think that recently... | ||
| I don't want to ascribe too much to the last election, but the last election did... | ||
| It was definitely a forum on that, as well as about a million other issues. | ||
| But that was an issue that did get acknowledged. | ||
| The gay senator in Wisconsin, and there's a bisexual congressperson, which is hilarious. | ||
| Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's also a Buddhist from Hawaii. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Interesting. | ||
| And I think that really speaks to what's happening now. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| It's incremental, but it happened. | ||
| I feel like the gay marriage thing has always been like sort of a beach ball that gets tossed in the air to distract people, which is why it never gets resolved. | ||
| No, and Bush didn't want to resolve it. | ||
| Remember, 2004 was about the same gay marriage and then he didn't do shit. | ||
| Like he didn't do shit about abortion or anything else. | ||
| He actually didn't really do anything about any social issues other than make people wildly angry. | ||
| Was he the first guy that would let you really clearly see that the presidency is not real and that all those decisions are being made by other people? | ||
| Well, I wasn't old enough to be with it. | ||
| I mean, I was a teenager or, you know, a young, beautiful teenage boy with legs like a slender Impala as I slid through life in my Adidas. | ||
| I hear a ride like the wind in the background. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Da-da-da. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Da-da-da-da. | ||
| And I've got a long way to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Such a long way to go. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| I'll do Michael McDonald all day long. | ||
| And, yeah, I went through Watergate when I was, you know, like an early teenager, and I remember it. | ||
| And I remember the cynicism, even with a 12 or 13, 14-year-old, like, okay, the president can be brought down, the press has this power, the respect that that got in this country, the ending of the war... | ||
| And then watching the late 70s where we thought we were going to have the Equal Rights Amendment. | ||
| We thought black people were going to be equal. | ||
| We thought Indians were going to get a piece of the pie. | ||
| And then Reagan came along and all that kind of 60s stuff got washed in the you took mushrooms bath. | ||
| And everybody, the media and the corporate entities and whatever. | ||
| That was, I think, when I first, I was probably 19 or 20, when Reagan got elected. | ||
| To me, he was the first one I thought. | ||
| You're not up to the job mentally, but we're going to have you do it and you're just going to be this sort of beautiful mountain of reassuring voting for everybody. | ||
| It was a creepy moment because it was the first... | ||
| Morning in America. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Fucking morning in America. | ||
| That's what he called his presidency because Carter had such a bad recession and couldn't get anything done and the Democratic Congress defied him and it kind of all went to shit by the end of the term, right? | ||
| And the hostages. | ||
| The hostages that they capped, and who knows what fucking happened, right? | ||
| Whether Reagan got them released, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| In any case, having said all that, he called, like, his first term morning in America, like, we've been in the darkness, you know? | ||
| After, it was clear that 12 years of Republican, 14 years of Republican presidency in Vietnam was the root of what had turned everything horrible, the corrupt CIA, and And the drug dealing and the chicanery. | ||
| Such an obvious narrative. | ||
| Well, and then, like, so Bush for eight years of snatching, grabbing, making illegal war and fucking horrible fundamentalism and narrowness in the national dialogue. | ||
| And then, you know, the last four years, people kind of, okay, and then the last election was like, it's clear again that the big paradigm is... | ||
| Shifting in the right direction, you think? | ||
| Well, something's going to have to happen. | ||
| I think socially it's certainly in the right direction, or what Obama represents. | ||
| Republicans are going to have to embrace gay marriage and medical marijuana. | ||
| Those things are going to happen. | ||
| Yeah, well, it should be legal marijuana, because you know what? | ||
| It benefits everybody. | ||
| You don't think it does because you don't know how to use it. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
| It's like saying that fucking saws shouldn't be legal, because some people are going to cut their feet off. | ||
| Well, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it doesn't necessarily mean a crime wave. | ||
| That's the misunderstanding. | ||
| It's going to be less crime, 100%. | ||
| People are going to be nicer. | ||
| What people don't understand is that marijuana unquestionably increases sensitivity. | ||
| It changes the way you feel about things. | ||
| It makes food taste better. | ||
| It just changes the whole dynamic of life. | ||
| And when something like that gets introduced in your system, it gives you a new sense of understanding. | ||
| And that can help you and push you to evolve your personality. | ||
| It can be a good thing. | ||
| And even when people talk about paranoia, they take it and they get paranoid. | ||
| It's not a bad thing to be paranoid every now and then. | ||
| Just get an accurate assessment of how fucking vulnerable you really are and how lucky you really are. | ||
| And maybe just turn that around and use it to be thankful and to push out positive energy because of that fucking paranoia. | ||
| Don't be scared of weed, is what I'm trying to say. | ||
| They need it. | ||
| Caesar don't fear the reefer. | ||
| He doesn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think that's what they said. | |
| Isn't it? | ||
| I don't know, maybe. | ||
| It would have been a better song. | ||
| It is now. | ||
| It would have been a better song. | ||
| There's not that many really powerful songs about weed except rap songs. | ||
| You have to go to Cypress Hill if you really want to get a powerful song about weed. | ||
| Here's a Thought Swallow one. | ||
| I dream about a ray for five feet long, a little bit hot but not too strong. | ||
| You'll be high but not for long if you're a viper. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Fats Waller? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's he? | ||
| Fats Waller was a songwriter from Harlem in the 20s and 30s. | ||
| I guess he died about World War II. He was pretty young. | ||
| And he wrote Honeysuckle Rose, and he wrote I Hate You Because Your Feet's Too Big. | ||
| He had a bunch of weed songs, though. | ||
| Dude, you know so much about so much weird shit. | ||
| Well, I was going to say you do. | ||
| I mean, I've never heard about Jay McCaffrey and your insane historian who dissected the Dead Sea Scrolls, whose Ingersoll is it? | ||
| John Marco Allegro. | ||
| Allegro. | ||
| Why can't I think of Allegro? | ||
| These are just repeated subjects to death to me. | ||
| It's so funny when I can explain them to somebody who's never heard them before, because I'm such a dork, that's all I think about. | ||
| Right, and all I think about is the stupid shit I think about. | ||
| It is funny how you can get on these crazy paths of knowledge and store weird shit that comes out and people look at you like, what the fuck do you know that for, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| People say, why do you know things, which I always think is funny. | ||
| Because the answer is easy, because I'm learning about it. | ||
| Yeah, well, for some people, you can get stuck in a bad situation where you're showing up and you work with a bunch of dummies. | ||
| But it's a good job. | ||
| And so you're on that vibe every day that's talking to dumb, uninterested people, bored people. | ||
| And then you go home. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| You watch TV? It's hard to find a good conversation sometimes. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And that's the thing about the podcast that makes it so interesting. | ||
| I mean a lot of weirdos. | ||
| And people who come to my show are... | ||
| Sometimes it's a specific thing they want to talk about. | ||
| Sometimes it's more general. | ||
| But you... | ||
| There's no lack of points of view and fields of interest. | ||
| People are throwing things at me all the time that I should talk about that I don't know anything about. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And then we get string theory and David Foster Wallace and this and that. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't fucking know anything about that. | ||
| But you're the smartest man in the world, so I try to learn something sometimes. | ||
| But I also don't want to be... | ||
| The person with a little bit of knowledge about something who gets everything wrong? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because that's more annoying than my usual pedantic, I know everything about everything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, if you pretend you know more than you know and you get shit wrong, it's very bad. | ||
| You're shot down immediately, too, by a million people right now. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| You can't do it anymore. | ||
| Yeah, you should just Google it. | ||
| You should Google it. | ||
| Well, no one can Google anything. | ||
| That's what I find so funny about the interwebs. | ||
| Everybody has a phone on them all the time, and yet no one will look up. | ||
| No one will click past the first link. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, especially if you're asserting something silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this is, I don't know, it's a real exciting time, I think, the ability to... | ||
| To have things like your podcast now where it just gets released out into the world and then just picks up new viewers and you do something like this and I'm sure this is going to have a bunch of people download it now from iTunes and get hooked on it. | ||
| It's such a beautiful and neat path. | ||
| It's all so clean. | ||
| It's direct to the artist. | ||
| Greg Proops takes it. | ||
| Greg Proops puts it online. | ||
| You download it. | ||
| You're connected with one step to you putting it up there. | ||
| And you can listen to it at your discretion. | ||
| You can fast-forward it. | ||
| You can burn it. | ||
| You can copy it and send it to someone else. | ||
| I'm sure people do it with you. | ||
| Every once in a while, this guy from Sweden or something, And I don't know how he found me. | ||
| He's on Facebook. | ||
| He'll do a mix where there's like music behind a part of it. | ||
| And you go, that's really cool. | ||
| I wouldn't have thought of that, you know? | ||
| Yeah, videos of rants have gone on with these like really become these really inspirational videos where someone spliced in music and Eisenhower speeches and fucking crazy shit, man. | ||
| And it's all just people that connect to something on the internet. | ||
| So we live in strange times, Greg Proops. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's amazing, isn't it? | ||
| That's the exciting part is like I'm ready for a lot of the old stuff to go away. | ||
| I mean, I have tradition, obviously. | ||
| I write with a piece of paper and a pen. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| I feel like I can't write as fast that way, so ideas slip away from me. | ||
| But I do write it down before I go on stage. | ||
| Especially new stuff, I feel like if I don't physically write it down with a pen and a paper, I don't remember it the same way. | ||
| That's exactly what I was going to say, Joe. | ||
| I've done a survey of every comic I've talked to in the last two or three years. | ||
| Every club I've played, I make everybody get their book out and show me. | ||
| I go, where do you keep your ideas? | ||
| And everybody's book. | ||
| A little book with your list is on it. | ||
| Mine are on hotel room stationery, thousands of them. | ||
| Thousands of pieces of paper. | ||
| And I say, why do you do it that way? | ||
| Do you ever write it on your phone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I think of a one-liner, I write it. | ||
| But do you write your whole act on the phone? | ||
| No. | ||
| In the end, I have to put it on a piece of paper and write it. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And I just think it's a mental. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the really old-fashioned part of performing. | ||
| I have note lists of set lists on my phone that I'll go to right before I go on stage. | ||
| Sometimes if I want to make sure that I remember some new shit that I'm working on. | ||
| But when I write, when you go into that trance, I can do that so much better when I'm typing. | ||
| Because the words just appear. | ||
| Like, I can type a word in a second, whereas it takes several seconds. | ||
| But can you remember it if you type it? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I can write better. | ||
| So I get the trance out and I can get more information out as I'm writing. | ||
| But then I go back and I'm like, did I fucking write that? | ||
| I don't even remember writing that. | ||
| I'll laugh at some of my own shit and then I'll go, okay, I gotta keep that part. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I don't even remember writing, because out of five hours of writing, how much do you actually remember? | ||
| But the act of actually scribing it into a paper, a piece of paper, there's something about that that's like, it just really like, it just stores in your memory. | ||
| It's like, humans have been doing it that way for so long. | ||
| It's like, there's a direct pathway. | ||
| It's been 5, 7, 10,000 years since people started writing. | ||
| I think there's a real profound connection with the paper. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever thought about releasing those with a special? | ||
| When you release a special, release your notes as well? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| One time I did a fun article for Filter Magazine. | ||
| The guy came over to me and he saw me fumbling with my notes. | ||
| And I said, it's all different pieces of hotel stationery. | ||
| So I asked my wife to pick it. | ||
| He goes, well, that'll be the article. | ||
| Just, I want a picture of these... | ||
| You know, notes, setless. | ||
| And I said to my wife, you pick it out. | ||
| I gave her the folder full of shit. | ||
| So she picked out four random ones. | ||
| It was one from like Paris, one from Minnesota, one from a place I didn't remember being. | ||
| It was like the double tree in and somewhere, you know, and then there was another one. | ||
| And then it just said like Clinton, you know, corn, whatever the fuck was on the list, Olsen twins. | ||
| And I kind of went through the list as the article and just went like, yeah, I was doing Clinton jokes in Paris, you know. | ||
| Well, I think I said, it's always 92 when I rock the mic, rock the mic, or whatever. | ||
| You know, like, there's a weird insight into kind of, like, what's going on exactly then with all your set lists, because the different notes you make on them and stuff. | ||
| I don't know that there's that much to be garnered from... | ||
| I mean, I could probably remember some of the bits and some I couldn't remember. | ||
| I think it's just something that might be cool, like if I was a fan and I... You'd like them? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| To see my old songs? | ||
| Yeah, like maybe put it up online or something. | ||
| If you just put the photos online. | ||
| Well, you ever see that website called Letters of Note? | ||
| No. | ||
| And there's another one, something of note. | ||
| But Letters of Note is... | ||
| Letters people wrote to each other, or even... | ||
| I think there's one called Lists of Note. | ||
| And the Lists of Note is just a different list that famous people wrote. | ||
| Or any, you know, notable. | ||
| Like, the one I remember is Thelonious Monk. | ||
| Because I read it on my show. | ||
| Thelonious Monk, you know, he had different mental problems and stuff. | ||
| You know, if you've ever seen him play, like, he'd play and then he'd sort of get up and walk around the stage, you know. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's extraordinary. | ||
| And then he was given drugs and they didn't quite work out. | ||
| But anyway, he's a genius. | ||
| And he could both compose and arrange and extemporize. | ||
| And his band was, you know, kind of put in the position of having to deal with his personality, right? | ||
| Like, because he wasn't like a regular guy who, hey, let's, you know, I'll be there at five. | ||
| You know, he had to kind of be pushed around to places. | ||
| But then when he could play, he was... | ||
| So he wrote a note, like... | ||
| And on the note it says, how do we dress tonight? | ||
| Sharp as possible, underlined, right? | ||
| And then if you're the drummer, think of something. | ||
| You know, like there's all this cool, like really broken down, like the thoughts you have before you go on stage, like about the band and how you wanted the band to play and look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I would read that out sometimes. | ||
| And so I would say on the show, how do we dress tonight? | ||
| Sharp as possible. | ||
| Oh, that's badass. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| So there's lists of note and there's letters of note. | ||
| And then the last letter of note, someone sent it to me, was Jackie Robinson went to a luncheon or a dinner that Ike was speaking at, right? | ||
| And Jackie was an executive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jackie Robinson was an executive at Chalk Full of Nuts Coffee, right? | ||
| Like he got a job in the corporate world. | ||
| Because he was an intelligent, capable, and famous person, he became an executive at Chocolate Nuts, New York. | ||
| And so he went to this, like, banquet, and Eisenhower spoke. | ||
| And there was a lot of black people there who were in business. | ||
| And Eisenhower said, you've got to be patient. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Your time will come and all that. | ||
| This is the fitties. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So Jackie wrote him a very respectful letter, but also very pointed, about your patience, you know. | ||
| And I'm not doing it any justice. | ||
| Dear Mr. President, having recently attended the lunch you're at, I have to say that on behalf of myself and my race, the time for patience is long past. | ||
| You'll find that over the past several hundred years, we've endured nothing but countless indignity. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And then the riposte is the next letter. | ||
| Eisenhower wrote him back. | ||
| Dear Mr. Robinson, thank you for your letter. | ||
| As I take on board what you said, and I profoundly, you know, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| This exchange in a very civil and highfalutin... | ||
| but like formal letter writing language with the idea very explicitly expressed that he no longer had the patience to wait that he felt that why should he wait right and why should he have to go to a dinner with the president told him the way when even the first fucking black guy in the big leagues and then get a job and fucking business and you know trying to run his life and yeah right Yeah. | ||
| And Eisenhower like, well, you know, one day schools will be integrated and you won't have to drink in another faucet and, you know, you don't want to hear that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so those kind of letters, I think, to me are like... | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So letters of note and lists of note are quite good if you want to just... | ||
| I mean, you don't have to read everything on it, but it's different letters to people and... | ||
| Dude, that's fucking badass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I will check that out. | ||
| But nobody writes letters anymore. | ||
| In the future, it'll be your set list of note and your Emails of note and your blog of note. | ||
| The blog will be a letter. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah, it's going away. | ||
| The physical act of writing is going away. | ||
| If I didn't have to write my set list down or occasionally fill out a form like when I go to Canada or something like that, I don't write anything anymore. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I mean, I write on my computer too. | ||
| I write on my computer. | ||
| But I write... | ||
| In a book, too, because it's funner. | ||
| Greg Proops, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Ah, you're a bad motherfucker, Joe Logan. | ||
| Thank you for coming on the podcast, man. | ||
| It was enlightening. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| I wish we had more time, but we don't. | ||
| No, we have to go. | ||
| As do you. | ||
| Let's do this again, man. | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| Oh, awesome. | ||
| Thank you for having me on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you very much. | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of the show. | ||
| Tonight, Ice House Comedy Club in Pasadena. | ||
| Joe Diaz, Sam Tripoli, Greg Fitzsimmons, Tom Segura, Adam Hunter, and me, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Can I plug mine? | ||
| Does this go out before 8 o'clock tonight? | ||
| It's going out right now. | ||
| It's live as shit. | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| Tonight, 8 o'clock, the Bar Lubitsch on Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| You'll find it. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Find that. | ||
| And tonight in San Diego, California at American Comedy Co., it is Doug motherfucking Benson and Brian motherfucking Red Band. | ||
| And that is a what time show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
8 o'clock. | |
| Be there, bitches, and no undercover cops. | ||
| That shit's greasy. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| We'll see you fuckers next week. | ||
| Next week, we got Shane Smith. | ||
| We got Monday, Duncan Trussell will christen in the new studio. | ||
| And Wednesday, Ari motherfucking Shafir. | ||
| Holla. |
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